The Yard - Ep. 121 - The QTCinderella Episode.

Episode Date: November 8, 2023

This week, the boys are joined by QTCinderella! They discuss why QT hasn't been on, an update to the taylor swift drama, and how Aiden has to confess about something... 00:00:00 - intro 00:00:45 - ludwig walks in 00:01:35 - ludwig names one woman  00:02:05 - ludwig doesn't know the guest 00:03:01 - qtcinderella joins the pod 00:04:18 - how qt fooled ludwig 00:04:51 - qt is doing 3 pod eps in a day 00:05:44 - ludwig was barking at qt for being late... 00:06:07 - welcome to episode #1000 00:06:35 - addressing the cat in the room 00:08:50 - nick addresses why qt hasn't been on 00:12:31 - qt forgives nick 00:13:18 - qt thinks the boys find a reason to not invite her on the podcast 00:14:27 - pressure to come onto the podcast 00:16:25 - plot twist 00:16:39 - slime's apology to qtcinderella 00:17:22 - dj khaled key moment!!! 00:17:55 - slime's 5 key reasons 00:18:35 - aiden vs qt 00:22:15 - qt's most recent attempt at getting slime a floor wife... 00:23:05 - ludwig vs swift 00:25:03 - slime's 5 acts of apology 00:27:55 - aiden confesses... 00:31:40 - ludwig calls his mother 00:33:32 - Factor! 00:35:22 - ludwig doesn't have anything to show... 00:36:51 - we got qt some gifts 00:40:55 - qt forgives the boys 00:42:16 - when is the last time qt has saw ludwig cry? 00:43:22 - qt is doing a PR campaign for her new company  00:44:40 - qt's new product  00:45:45 - thatsucksthataimenisgone.com 00:48:15 - qt's family vs slime 00:48:45 - having children 00:51:42 - learning about women  00:51:59 - if i want ice cream, you want ice cream 00:53:48 - ludwig & qt went to a ben schwartz 00:56:10 - ludwig was watching valorant on his phone during date night 00:58:14 - qt watches the yard 01:00:08 - qt & taylor swift  01:00:22 - the summary of the drama 01:06:54 - MeUndies! 01:09:31 - ludwig's moustache  01:11:28 - back to the drama 01:15:13 - slime needs to rizz a celebrity around taylor  01:16:45 - ludwig gets owned 01:17:20 - qt talks about being a teenage fan of taylor & the new generation 01:18:21 - slime meeting qt's family 01:22:03 - continuing the summary of the drama 01:23:14 - slime will get in the trenches for qt 01:25:59 - qt spills some tea 01:33:55 - thanks for watching

so aiden i you know i thought about it i really have and i think that you're wrong and i think that it's kind of clear i don't think we should talk about it i just think we shouldn't even talk about it no i think it's like one of those things that uh kind of clear. I don't think we should talk about it. I just think we shouldn't even talk about it. No, I think it's like one of those things that, uh, kind of makes you look dumb for saying, and I think that the more we talk about it, like the more that'll unearth. I think we delve into the details.

They'll be in my favor. No, yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. Um, dude, what do you,

how long do you think you can hang up? Hang on. Have you tried to hang word out? I was on my aid and shit. Oh my god. Did you ride in like that? Oh my god. Why do you have these socks on?

Look at you. You look like a... This is so funny. You look like you're a referee for Super Mario Strikers. But you're the banned one. You're the one that everyone drew pictures of Looking like a Koopa So Jack Link's, check

Protein bar, chiggy check Dude, you're so big for us, man And then a Wawa in the soccer socks In the non-slip shoes They're compression socks, they're good for you Why are they good for you? You're not a fighter pilot It stops you from getting blood clots

Who told you that? It saves women Women? I listen to women pilot. It stops you from getting blood clots. Yeah, again. Who told you that? It saves women. Who told you that? Women. Women told you that? Yeah, I listen to women. I listen to women. They do have a higher risk of blood clots, don't they? Do you know that women need to wear these socks on flights? No.

They need to or they'll die. Name one. They'll die. Name one. Hillary Clinton. Name one. Women. Hillary Clinton. Obama's wife. Obama's wife wears these on flights. Air Force One. Michelle Obama. Actually, Air Force Two. Air Force Two. She gets her own plane.. Obama's wife. Obama's wife wears these on flights. Air Force One. Michelle Obama. Actually, Air Force Two. Air Force Two, she gets her own plane. Because she's not.

Because she's not. They're not president anymore. You're not allowed to be. Even when they were, though. You're not allowed to be on the plane with your husband. Yeah. So if they can save a woman's life, I feel like I could take notes. Do you think so?

I think they'll save my life. They won't save your life. Why am I a student? Do you think they'll save my life. They won't save your life. Why would it? Why am I? Do you think they'll break your ankles today? Do you think that you're too beautiful to be wearing compression socks? Do you think that they're hiding your legs? Think about that.

I think I look good. You're hiding them from the world. They all look contoured. I think about it. You're kind of built like the goalie from Mario Strikers. Who is this? The crocodile. You don't know who's coming?

No. We talked about it. We didn't talk about it. you guys are wrong this is a bit you guys are running a bit let's play a bit where we put a fifth chair and then literally doesn't know because i read the fucking group chat nobody's coming you've read the group chat i read the nice shit we said about you i'm actually baffled i'm baffled right now this is crazy this is the one least believable thing in the world is Nick going, I'm bastard. You emoji reacted to what we said. You emoji reacted. You said thumb up. You did thumb up.

Thumb up. I would never thumb up emoji react. I would do peepo. You guys don't even fucking know me. You would not do peepo. I would do peepo. Yes, I would do. I would do peepo.

Well, we do have a guest. How about that shit? Okay, sure. Bring him out. And you totally spaced it because you didn't look at the group chat. You didn't care about your friends. Yeah, my fault. Let's see if you care about your girlfriend.

Come out here, cutie Cinderella. Woo! Hey, what's up? What happened? Oh, fuck! You do it in your head? That happens to me all the time, actually. It's got to hurt so bad.

I lied to you again. I hit my head so hard. Okay, you gotta get close. I've hit my head on that before and it took me out for like ten minutes. I feel like you are powering through right now. I've had so many concussions actually. Yeah, you are like the football player that Taylor Swift did dabing. Of fucking course, man.

Of course. And I knew it was a ruse. You think I'd fall for that? I don't know what you'd fall for. I don't know what I think about you anymore. Does that mean you read the group chat? I read the group chat, yes. And this scares me. Why? Because you could cheat on me with every human alive and I would never know ever. Yeah.

Yeah, but maybe that's a you thing. I mean, I trust... Why don't you become more paranoid? Let it cripple you. I mean, I trust. Why don't you become more paranoid? Oh, they got it. Let it cripple you. I'm just super trusting. Ah, now you're not. And maybe I shouldn't be.

Maybe that's the lesson. Yeah, okay. Because she shows up to your podcast. Like, surprise, surprise. I don't know what you're doing with slime. You left at 1030. Well, okay. How did this go?

How did you fool him? I said, hey I'm going to brunch with Caroline tomorrow, and then he was like, okay He's got 2,800 in Suica games so he's not listening I was playing Suica games

I was at 3,300 I tried to record my lie too, we were cuddling and I was like, I'll record myself lying to my boyfriend and so we're cuddling and I was like, I'll record myself lying to my boyfriend. And so we're cuddling. You do it so naturally. She was like, I have brunch. I was like, cause I asked her, cause I was asking her, I was like, what are you doing tomorrow?

And she was like, oh, I got brunch with Caroline. And then I have to do wine about it. Then I have to do fear and I'm like big day. I'm actually a triple dip day for me. But this is crazier as you're doing three podcasts. Yeah. That's crazier. I you're doing three podcasts. Yeah. That's crazier. Yeah, I'm talented more three times than you guys.

And I was barking at you too. Well. Well, how many are you doing? Well, we do Patreon shows. We are doing it tomorrow. We are doing it later. I'm currently on three shows. Do you remember when little babies, when the Patreon comes, were like,

Oh, let's wait a day. I get a little tired. I do a main one. Oh, yeah. So I do both my patreon same day and then I fuck I was playing suit game. She was rocking my world. That's why my scores were so low. I was barking at her because she was late to her brunch. Her brunch was at 1030. And I was like, you were barking at her for being late to something.

Yes. That's crazy to me. Why is it crazy? I also feel that way. You were behind me. I won't yell, but it is. It's crazy. It's not crazy. I don't think he showed up on time. I think we have, but it is your... It's crazy, Duffin! It's not crazy.

I don't think he showed up on time. I think we have, what, episode what, Ludwig? This is episode 1,000. Yeah, great. Even more impressive that you've showed up to 25 of them on time. What I think is crazier is how few women have been on here, and I think we should talk about that, too. Wow.

So you didn't seem to... That's bothered me more than the late thing. When you said bring the guests out, you said bring him out. Did I? You did! Oh my god. My intrinsic sexism. It's built in. I mean, you did

put a bit, you addressed the elephant in the room, I would say. Am I the elephant? I don't like that phrasing. Can we pick a new animal? Pick a new animal. Pick a new animal. Pick a new animal.

I just feel like... A beautiful cat. Cat. Yeah. The elephant, I feel like, is just, you know... Cat. Thank you. Not her.

Beautiful cat. Just to be clear, you keep bringing it back to her. I'm not doing that. Cat. It's that, you know, we haven't had you on. Uh-huh. In... I haven't been mad about it the fans have been mad about it ever well I had

I had a what's it called when you tell someone to do something and then you'll do something that is called Christmas I had Christmas and my Christmas was that Slime needed to go to Hollywood Square andiden needed to get on his shoulders and lift up His little titties and on his tummy say cutie come on the yard, but you guys didn't do that

You actually don't know if we did that or not And I'm here anyway, show me We didn't record it, we did it in the moment Zipper get on mid journeys right now It was true, get on mid journeys right now We have 17 fingers As much as I would love for Aiden to expose himself to children. That's what I like.

You shouldn't like that. We do want you to go down one day. We want that. I have so many ways for it to happen. I want to sort of, you know, address why you haven't been on. And we can all kind of tackle it together. So my theory here is that I am NOT at fault and I didn't do anything And so I know power point. Well. I figured that everyone was gonna make me start to blame me so I got ahead of it

You don't drink sorry I'm gonna We'll talk about that honey. Let's make a PowerPoint I'm in there. We'll talk about that. Friday night, honey, let's make a PowerPoint. That's one interesting ghost. You don't know even half of it. So this is not my fault, cutie, you not being on the podcast.

So first of all, this is me the other day. Because I was remembering, I was like, I have asked you to come on like so many times. And I've like messaged you and you're just like not gotten back to me. And I was like, what's the deal with that? i i looked into it and they just none of them went through like somehow every single message i sent you just straight up got like sent back you called her epic winderella that's a good name i thought she'd love that one yeah i i asked you a couple things in there and uh so i'm sorry about that that one for real though like that's my bad yeah that that's crazy and i know i know like what you're thinking

right now like to talk for you like i know what you're thinking right now it's like you know this doesn't really absolve you nick like this isn't like that's only in 2021 uh i know it's been so long of me trying and we'll get to that because there's a big gap I also messaged Ludwig a bunch of times about you coming on And he just did his thing It's four messages by Nick and then the last one says how drop shadow in Photoshop? Which I actually thought was a good question. If you continue down, I answer this question. You don't need to talk to him about that. I can teach you that. This is disrespectful.

I can do that. I've done too many thumbnails with drop shadow. Do you know what stroke is? No, you don't need to show us. When you added the outline on the text, that looks good. He doesn't know what stroke is. So, you know, I asked you, and I kind of biffed that one. I asked the love of your life. He biffed that one.

Oh. Well, yes, I was talking about Maya, who I asked. And she was not helpful. She just sent me this picture of a horse's penis. How do you know she sent? For some reason, she has a picture of my penis. And she sent it to Nick. This is a picture of a horse's penis.

Which was this year, earlier this year. Also not helpful. And, you know, on the timeline you were mentioning. And then from 2022, 2023, I was kind of on like my low key, like more chill type vibe. You weren't trying as hard. I was like grinding on myself. I get it. Just like kind of by my lonely type thing.

It seems like that. Yeah. And so this is me at Shrek's Adventure. On the right, that's kind of me just sort of chilling. Just like kind of chilling. It's always busy. And you know, there's other stuff.

We had good times. Do you remember the good times? I'm going to bring up some of the good times. Remember when we rode scooters? No. This is us riding dirty. Right? You don't remember this? I actually don't. This is us riding dirty right you don't remember this i actually don't know about scooters this is us riding dirty no we did we all bought scooters i listened to the sonic music in my

headphones so long ago i i don't remember this is just crazy my hair is brown this is just kind of like part one of why i couldn't have done this because you know look at we're fucking we're homies and that's how i wrote a tweet for you? Yeah. When I used to ghostwrite for you? Yeah, you should do that again. If the only cure for coronavirus was trapped in your meat, catch me straight up slurping your shit for the cause. This was on March 19th, 2020, when it came out. Yeah, it was early corona.

Dude, this is the week LA locked down. Holy shit. You can't say you didn't solve it, though. Yeah, and that one time- It's fixed. That one time I... That's just so much. And that one time I fed Durz a bunch of gummy worms.

That's not good. He liked them. That is bad. We had some good-ass times. Yeah. Us together. So, you know, my conclusion, basically, why this is not my fault is, and I can't be the reason, is that at the end of the day, I'm just a white boy coolin'.

Wow. I'm just a white boy coolin'. And your best friend, potentially, if you'll let me. So thank you for coming on our show, finally. Cutie. I don't think you should. Round of applause. Yeah, cutie!

Thank you for coming on our show. I'm excited to have you on. And also, low-key, I think Aiden did it. That's my guess. Real. Real. Real. Real. Why have you guess. Real. Real. Real. Why have you made so many PowerPoints?

Real. He loves them. They're his hobby. Do you buy that? I think ever since I spiked your mimosa on purpose with champagne and JHB, you've never wanted to forgive me. What if I told you, if I like told you like I've actually started drinking since then see

I forgot about the scooters is the scooters the only picture we have together This one okay, isn't a group photo I forgive you What I imagine is weekly in this room you guys are like should we have cutie on yet and then one of you is like no and each of you have a reason each time aiden's like no i want to make out with her boyfriend again redwood's like no i want to make out aiden again so i was like no that bitch stinks and nick's like no i hate women that's what i thought okay at least i think they're stinky but I still love them in her mind. Yeah. Because they're worth love, even if they stink.

They are. Yeah, that's true. They are. Thank you. We thought you were going to sell her booze. Wait, you've changed. Me? Yeah.

How have I changed? You just said they're worth love. Wait, did I say women aren't worth love? Usually. You're more of the sexist one on the podcast. But it's like kind of my vibe, right? Yeah, you have a sexist vibe for sure. Are all white boys cool and inherently sexist?

Discuss in the comments below. Are all white boys inherently cool? I think that one's probably no. Absolutely not. We thought you were going to smell her perfume. And we thought that'd be very sweet. Dude, after riding my motorcycle, I can't smell anything for like a day. It's the COVID of the year.

That's weird. I was like closing the shed door. He's like, she's going to smell the perfume. I'm like, bro, he's I can't smell anything for like a day. It's the COVID vehicle. The slime was like closing the shed door. He's like, he's going to smell the perfume. I'm like, bro, he's not going to smell anything. I know, I can't smell anything. Honestly, Ludwig has asked me to come on this pod. I almost called it Fear Hand. Fear Hand, right.

Yeah, there's Ludwig. I've asked you to do this multiple times. He's asked me to do this multiple times, but I don't think I can be funny enough. And it's too much pressure. And then you guys will be disappointed. And then I'll have to resort to showing my boobs to get views you don't have this also you threatened to do this and I say threatened yeah but that was for free when we were on the patreon episode and you said I was gonna I was gonna put tape over my boobs and then flash you guys yeah it would have been so funny like what why is it funny when you

throw your balls? Everyone's seen your balls. I've seen your balls. Why is that funny? Because the sexualization of women is inherently subsequent to a power dynamic. So you support that? I would argue that when...

Even if you do it on your own will. Why is that my problem? It's not, and you're right. You're totally right. I want my balls of my chest to be as funny as your balls of your cooch. It's because historically, we just haven't allowed that. I don't know if this is true because if he got a beautiful rack that would also be funny.

Oh my god it would be so funny. It would also be so... My rack, my timeless flaccid penis, it's just... We looked it up last night and I actually think we could break your rib cage and give you beautiful breasts. Like not. You don't need to break the ribcage and give you beautiful breasts like we watch You don't need to break the ribcage. I know everything about plastic surgery Can we take some extra skin from your foreskin? Skin

And I know that because that's how much it cost me in Alcova cuz when me and Alcova got her boobs done I said Mia how much was it and she said? 10k and she says you want to see him and then she sent me pictures of her on the operating table. And I was like, whoa. Wow. I used to look up so much of that footage. Why? Of boob jobs? It was for my job.

I used to look up so much. I also used to look up that footage. Not looking up that footage. A lot of tape. A lot of tape to watch. Timeless footage. A lot of tape. No, when I worked at Snapchat, I looked at so many boob surgeries.

Really? Yeah, so many. They let you on Pornhub at Snapchat? Well, worked at Snapchat, I looked at so many boob surgeries. Really? Yeah, so many. They let you on Pornhub at Snapchat? Well, look, Nick, I thought that was great. Thank you. But guess what, white boy? Give me the thing. No.

Give me the mic. That's fucking right. You think zippers... Drop the jewel pod. You think you're the only one in zipper's pocket? Oh, no. And that's... I never blow out. I swallow the smoke

forever and ever and ever. If you keep it in long enough, it comes out in your farts. I have a presentation too. So what the fuck is up, Kyle? Real quick, high five on the same template though. Yo! It's the second one. And it's the darker one. It's a little bit better. You didn't put a subtitle. And it's the darker one. It's a little bit better.

You didn't put a subtitle. My apology to Cutie Cinderella. Click to add subtitle. Alright so this, you know, we, look, I, Nick might be sorry, but I'm really sorry. And I would like to show you why. Because the cornerstone of any good apology is an excuse. So let's get to him. I have five key reasons.

Oh, what's a DJ Khaled key moment? That's right. He never said that. The dollar trade major key alert. Key moment! Yes, welcome to DJ Khaled

key moment. This is a DJ Khaled Key moment. He doesn't do that. Hey, come on out, DJ! It's a football highlight, I think. But yeah, these are the five key reasons, and I'd like to walk you through them because you will understand,

wow, this really isn't Slime's fault at all, and I think he's the greatest out of all of them, even Ludwig. Number one, Aiden constantly vetoed your inclusion. Wow. Yeah, I remember this. Yeah, I remember this.

We were talking in the office and he quote said, there'd be no cunt left for me to serve. He looks so fucking... This is a picture of what you used to look like. Remember? Remember how you looked like this? Dude, I had fat Aiden in mine. I took it out.

Oh, really? Yeah. Audio listeners, you have to pull it off. Last week, I have to... My little brother dropped this pic. No context in the family group chat. By the way, it's a FaceApp picture of Fat Aiden. Oh, my God.

You also go on record, you said, I'd sleep her instantly. Where's the talk shit now? You're talking like she's Olivia Rodrigo. Do you think you'd sleep her now that she's in front of you? Say it. Bitch, I'd sleep you instantly. I'd sleep you instantly. Where's the talk shit now? You talking like she's Olivia Rodrigo. Do you think you'd sleep her now that she's in front of you? Bitch. I'd sleep you instantly. I'd sleep you instantly. Look at her

in the eyes. She's squaring up. Oh shit. I'm ready to play Halo. She's ready to play Halo. I hate it. Here's the deal, bucko. White boy. Do you even know who Stone Cold Steve Austin steve austin is yeah

what he's a wrestler on your podcast what it's like to get wrecked no it is funny because we gave you the bad chair and you instantly turned it into a weapon I think that's really for the audio listeners cutie started doing the It is funny because we gave you the bad chair and you instantly turned it into a weapon. I think that's really... For the audio listeners, QD started doing the David Blaine levitate trick. All right. So you got it? Yeah.

I was more of a... I was more of a... What was that guy who came out? It was a... He was... That's Star Wars. Hulk Hogan. It wasn't Hulk.

It was more... He came out... The Undertaker. Undertaker. I was more of an Undertaker fan. So this is my first reason more... He came out... The Undertaker. Undertaker. I was more of an Undertaker fan. So this is my first reason he... Also, he wants to be closer to Ludwig. That's actually something you detected very early on.

I've been having problems with this bitch. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So he's always thirsting. He's always saying, Hey, Ludwig, you got such creamy, juicy thighs today. They're milky for me, Ludwig. Hey, your body.

He's always talking about his body. I don't do that. Mostly him. They do look great today. You say it the most. And also, Aiden, He's always talking about his body. I don't do that. Mostly Aiden. They do look great today. You say it the most. And also Aiden, he's balding. I just put that point on there. Yeah.

Take off the wig. That's not true. So that's just, okay. Reason number two, you're too beautiful. Yeah. You just really. You're too beautiful to do a podcast. And what if you come on our show,

people are no longer interested in watching after you're gone, right? Dude, that picture of Banks is so crazy. My daughter just learned about the letter F. She can't stop showing people. That's right. That's when I joined a gang. I've never been the same. He's the CEO now.

Yeah, me and him are this close. I don't like that. I thought it was. I don't like that you're... close. That close. ...smooch sound. Yeah. So that's number two.

Yeah, I don't blame you for that one. I... yeah. Hey, Yardigans, can you resist? Now you're... Anyone but Ludwig. Hey. What if... Oh!

For free? Is that a hole? That's a hole in that sock. That's bleach. My toes are actually fucked. Don't show them. Wait, can I see? I feel fine about the sexualization of my toes because they're so fucked. Wait, that's not even the bad foot. You're kinda like

you're kinda like, go ahead. Take my day. Be a freak. Wait, your pinky toe is hella long. It's longer than the other one. From behind I'm like missing one. Holy shit. It looks like I got four. Your shit looks like crooked teeth. It does look like you have four. Yeah, jerk your shit to the...

You got British feet. I got British feet. That shit got beans on it. That shit could colonize a country. Reason number three. You're too thoughtful. You remember what everyone's favorite desserts are. You're the rank one gift giver in a competitive field.

Okay. Nick's pretty good. Nick is really good actually. Ludwig once got us all bidets, which is just six of the same thing. So that was fun. That's a great gift! It was very practical. Okay. You don't get practical Andy in your corner. Yeah, there you go. He's got great thighs too.

Your hands are too fat for me. I hope you love that monkey. You're always trying to find me a floor wife. And this is also something you sent me, which was the gala, the wildlife gala. You got a ceramic chimp, and you're like, look at what I got for the decorations. And I was like, can I instantly, can I have it? I was going to give it to you anyway. You didn't know that.

And you just said yes, and I just took it home with me that day. You know the most recent floor wife I tried to get you? Yeah. Extra Emily. What? And I was like, you know what would be the craziest floor wife? I was like, Emily, what do you think about Slime? She's like, he's great.

And I was like, what if you fell in love? And she's like, maybe. And I was like, that'd be so fun to watch. Yeah. She, I, my love life is just TV for her. I've told her to stop many times. No. Because every time that she finds you a floor wife,

you just break them. You do. I don't break them. You break them. What a crazy thing to say. You're gonna destroy them. Hey, he's a heartbreaker, and that's his path in life, so...

I guess. Get over it. Yeah, sorry, I'm hard to love. Women are too beautiful for me to date them. All right, number four, key reason number four. What if I hit Swift once and I've been afraid to confront her? I was there. It was all of us with the boys.

We're hanging out at the DLTGC. Swift comes in and he just fucking comes back in. What did he yell before he did it? He said, I'll never forgive you What it's worth do I don't know Across the room like a bright is this why you send me the picture myself last night saying your hair used to look great. Yes So I was working on this And I was like, yeah, he looks really good in this picture, but also kind of mean but yeah Basically he he bounced off the concrete like a football.

So we're outside. He's okay. So we're outside. Yeah, you took him outside. You had more to say. You were like, I didn't hear no bell. I did not do that. It's fucked up.

I don't know. We were all there. I did not do that. It's like a 50-50 chance he did it, I think. So we can move on. So finally, we can confront that together. And you can, you know, think about that. And number fifth, we are developing a new product.

It's the Yard Sauce. And so this is kind of a leak. But we've been working on dropping. We do a lot of clothes. But we're getting into the sauce market. Much like Nadeshot, I had a dream to make a sauce that could be ubiquitous among all gamers I've year old me wanted to start video game tournaments and make a sauce company And it goes on meat salads and nuggets and you hate sauce I do and so I call it hot juvie

Hot juvie yeah, hot juvie in your Your area. Oh, God. And so I felt like I would be disrespectful. So these are the five key reasons why excuses. So you're no longer developing the sauce. Oh, we are. We are. It won't be FDA approved.

And we're going to test it by having Swift swim in it. Oh. He likes it. He likes it. We already tried it. He likes it. I'm sorry about hitting him. I'm sorry.

Okay, so I... Oh, my God. To make up for this, I have five about hitting him. I'm sorry. Okay, so I... Oh my God. To make up for this, I have five acts of apology. I hate you. Number one, you're on the podcast. All right! Thank God. Who gets the credit for that?

Credit for what? Her on the podcast. We're trying to figure that out right now, aren't we? I drove my white ass here. I get credit. Well, she drove her white ass here, though. It's anyone but cutie. Probably one of us.

Number two, acts of apology. $100. Wait, that's huge. My wallet is in the other room. That's so weird. He'll definitely give it to you later. Yeah, I'll give it to you later.

But who does it like $100? You don't even have it. I do have it! And you don't even have to do the feet thing again. This one's just on fine. If I had it. You will have it and I promise you that. Number three, acts of apology, completely down if you want to beat the shit out of Aiden. I can just do that.

I feel like maybe we should do hands and not chairs. Hands only? Do you think you'd live that? Do you think it would matter to punch? You're dead. Yeah, I feel like I feel like maybe we should do hands and not chairs hands only Do you think it would matter to punch you're dead see to punch one, but that's nice You say punch you pointed at Nick to punch from Nick With a num one I know where I hit him glass, fourth act of apology, I'm giving you Josh! Wooo! Josh is yours! Josh is yours! Josh is yours!

He lives with me. I know. And, uh, you- I have so many cats already. Okay. Right. Well, you have- Well, not even human!

Alright. We're against Australian cats, they don't mix well. They don't mix well. They hiss too much. They hiss too much. But yeah, you can have Josh, he's already at your house, he's posting, setting up. He's there? Yeah, he's there right now. Yeah, he's in the rooms house he's posting he's setting up he's there yeah he's there

right now he's in there take him one day yeah and that's for that's for you guys so you have a new Josh and that's an act of apology and the fifth one

the invitation to be in my wedding pyramid which none of us have officially gotten I thought I already was I thought we talked about this this is an official invitation oh it's like the

like the wedding RSVP this is like the little card and it says welcome to my wedding pyramid you'll be buried here not as beautiful as i would expect but forever what do you mean that's a great background powerpoint but uh and that is uh my presentation thank you so much it's good it's sort of feeling like me and slime are absolved of any wrongdoing i feel like I feel that way. I feel like we are.

We did it on the bright side. You don't have to. At the end of the day, apologize to me. You have to apologize to the masses. I was never mad. But the masses, they've been coming for you. I'm talking about I'm talking about I'm talking about the YouTube comments. I'm talking about the 4chan.

I'm talking about. Cancerous masses. The 8chan comments. I'm talking about the 4chan I'm talking about cancerous masses The 8chan comments They've all been coming The poll has been all over this So like I hope they accept your apologies Less about me you know Okay look I appreciate that Where's your powerpoint buddy?

They both had a point because it is my fault Oh It is my fault it Oh. It is my fault. It is that I'm the reason. Oh, you have a fucking... Oh my God, I feel like I'm in class. I'm sorry, I... I was kidding. Is it your short?

The Broward TV is off. I don't know if you know that. This will be really hard for me. Yeah, I'm going gonna sit my white ass down and listen to your I know it's not um yeah

it is my fault I have been the one asking to not have cutie on the show I believe it for a long time thank you for saying it finally to us

thank you and uh I think are you gonna break out in a song oh my I think secrets are really hurtful

especially when they're kept from your friends. And I think we're a group of people who really prides ourselves on being open and honest with each other. And I haven't been honest with you guys. Okay. And I think...

This is the worst PowerPoint ever. I feel... You know, everybody makes mistakes and you know even though slime says I don't feel it I do feel a lot of shame when I make mistakes they sit with me for a really long time and you know there's all

types of mistakes this is a stock photo that has two people with their feet on concrete and says passion led amen here amen is above us. It's crossed out. There's so many types of mistakes you can make, and I think some are worse than others. I think some are crimes of passion.

This is a picture of a Delta airline Boeing taking off on a runway. You might all remember a long time ago we all went on a trip together. Cutie included. We went on a trip for the podcast and we yeah We all went on a nice trip, and I really I really enjoyed that trip One night in the hall I bumped into somebody close to you ludwig and please no tell him no you have to get this out you have to get this out i appreciate you sharing this right now right here and uh i think there was just in that moment there was a there was a connection uh-huh and it's it i've been wrestling with this feeling for a long time and that's why it's been hard to look at hang out with Cutie, see Cutie

I've dealt with this burden I've dealt with the burden of his problem for so long he's holding the weight of a bunch of circles on his shoulders did they say make it 10 sides minimum? this dark secret this burden that I feel

I made a mistake because I made a cutie's burden as well and that's not fair of me and that's why she hasn't been on the show and if there's anything that i want i want to be honest with you all but especially honest with you ludwig because yeah i you know you're one of my best friends so skinny there and and i i'm so skinny in that picture better times Maybe you look bad when I didn't have anything to hide from you when I didn't have anything to hide from you That's why I've been putting on weight I asked her to hide this from you as well. Uh-huh, but when we went to New Hampshire, I slept with your mom and I told cutie the next morning and every time I've seen cutie

over the years it's been tough to confront that secret and I'm glad I could finally come. I've been using it as blackmail if that's helpful. He's calling his mom. I'll be ready for this. He's calling his mom. Call mom. Uh-oh. Hey, hey. Do or die. Do or die.

He's calling mommy. Oh, my God. Hey, mama. Uh, is it on top? Hey, mama. What a surprise. Coucou, ça va? Ça va, oui.

Je suis sur le podcast là avec Aiden, Slime, Nick and QT. You're last by the way. But Aiden, can you repeat Aiden? Huh? You remember Aiden, yeah? Yes, of course. He has something he wanted to tell you. Aiden?

Hi Paloma! Hi Aiden, how are you? Good, good, how are you doing? Do you remember when we visited you in New Hampshire? You remember what we did in New Hampshire? I'll call you later. Oh my god! I'll call you later. I'll call you later. I love you very much. Okay, but you never call me back when you're supposed to call me back. I will call you back.

That's so rude! You have to call her back, she's a lovely woman. God damn it. Oh my god. Aiden, you dog. You're so lucky she's trilingual. You're so lucky. I just, it feels good to get it out there. God dammit.

I haven't wanted to see you cute because of that. I'm gonna fucking hurt you. Why? Because all he did was love. She's married! Love is the fourth language. Oh my god, so what? Peter's cool! Peter's cool? What is that?

He watched. I respect him. Oh, no. Don't give him that. Don't give him that. Come on. Be nice. Have you guys ever heard of butt pregnant? Dude, one time I posted on Reddit.

I said, is it possible to get pregnant without a girl? Yeah. Yeah. And no, you can't. Well, not true because as as far as i'm concerned you can get butt pregnant which is a way different kind anyway the fall season always gets busy don't let it overwhelm you backers fresh never frozen meals are just ready in two minutes i love factor deep in my bones i've

been tracking my macros again i started up you. You're so cut now. And part of that is because factor makes you so cut. I always think I'm nice and I always think I can mental track, but you forget the little things that you eat throughout the day. You actually can't. You eat a lot of gushers and crayons and little coins you find. You forget to count

the coins you eat, the undies you might take a nibble out of. You've been eating a lot of Welch's. Welch's at the office. The thing is, you don't have to keep track coins you eat, the undies you might take a nibble out of. You've been eating a lot of Welch's. Welch's at the office. Well, the thing is, you don't have to keep track if you eat Factor. It'll help you keep track of most of what you eat. It's all in MyFitnessPal, too. Someone's uploaded it. Whoever did that, God bless you.

So if you can just look up the meal, it'll automatically pop up, and you can track it super easily. That's super swag, Ludwig. They got 34 meal choices per week, plus add-ons like juices and smoothies. They got cranberry pecan chicken, apple Dijon pork chops. We talk about that one a lot because they put it on the slide a lot. And it's prepared by chefs approved by dieticians. They do put it on the slide. And you can head to factormeals.com slash the yard 50 and use code the yard 50 to get 50% off your first box. If you want to be cut like Ludwig. Let's code theyard50 to get 50% off your first boss.

If you want to be cut like Ludwig. That's code theyard50 at factormeals.com slash theyard50. Track your macros. If you want to be like Aiden

and have his body, then all you have to do is bench 80 pounds and eat factor meals. Easy peasy. Back to the podcast before he can defend himself. Wow.

Thank you, Aiden. I really appreciate you coming forward with that. And I hope this can be like a healing experience for all of us. So, Ludwig, why aren't you at fault? Because I'm the fucking one who asked for her to go on. Right. Do you have like proof of this? You can show us.

What do you have? What do you mean? You have something. You guys remember I asked you guys. I put it in the group chat. I asked you. I don't remember this. The group chat.

What? No. No. I asked all of you guys. I was the only one pushing it you can chat online a group in our group chat You cannot be citing the group chat Like a power boy ever have this power points you but I didn't know this was happening. What you maybe should have Do you forgive lovely to she made up a brunch spot No, I didn't yeah yeah like it's a real place i know it's a real place but you made up the place because i was wondering where it was and you thought of one yeah that's so many layers deep well it's because i go to

that spot and eat alone all the time because my boyfriend's at a podcast without me wow think about that for once think about her you know what jenner genuinely though it was sweet that you think you asked her to be on all this time. That is, you know, it's a good argument. I think that you're going to get pretty far with that. I just wanted to go into my next part of this, which is I brought you a gift. Oh! If you could bring up a picture, Zipper. I know you like Taylor Swift, which means...

Wow, what is this? Is this Christmas? It means that you like friendship bracelets. Because the line. So I made you one for you and all your pets. Whoa! Here you go! Wow!

No one gave these to you at TwitchCon, and they were like, give these to QB. I made these last night. I was up until 1.30 a.m. That is... Aiden can attest, that is our coffee table. 1.30 a.m. daylight time, or 1.30 a.m. Aiden can attest, that is our coffee table. 1.30 a.m. daylight time or 1.30 a.m. regular? Well, it switched at 1. So which one?

It has to be. The clock set it on my phone. So daylight time. Yeah, it's for his little tiny leg. I measured on my fingers. Why is Durst so fat? He's been putting on weight. I don't really want to bring that up so directly wait Durris is skinnier than coots You know right by like he doesn't know the cat, but it's very thoughtful. Yeah, very thoughtful

He's trying to keep animal sizes now cuz it's all he has left. I know they're my pet No, it's your gift last what about you bouncing a basketball Wow wait did you all get me gifts? Yes, we all did you all get me gifts? Yes, we all did. Of course we did. My gift to you, my tribute, you will. This is actually something that's very near and dear to me. This is an actual artist's rendition

from an artist on Twitter. I don't want it. Mario. The Mario go-to. This is Mario from Mario 64 spreading his asshole at the camera and I had this hanging up in my house can you make it a little harder for Archie to blur?

oh sure I had this up in my house and I wanted to give it to you as a token of our friendship and tribute that you can put in your home and you can display it really prominently wherever like people can see it so take it so take it take it so take it thank you for your tribute where

people can see it is the important part people should be able to see I like you staring gazing into it that's what it's for oh it actually looks like a vagina yeah it's the same idea oh my god it's the same idea. Oh Looked up no labor involved. What's the dog? Little cute, what's the dog little cute white dog? You've looked up little cute white actually did I look up his actual breed and then found this poshie Which is why it does look a lot like him so Swift can have a little brother So I got you a baby American Eskimo So Swift has a little company when he's feeling a little lonely because we all know it gets a little paranoid little anxious sometimes And the cats don't really you know I feel like

What Nick what what are you gonna sometimes. What, Nick, what? What are you going to say? Oh, what do you got, Ludwig? No, I'm just smiling. Yeah, it looked like just a regular smile. Oh, it fits so well. Oh, my God, it's a little bracelet. Oh, Nick, look at the painting. You dropped it.

Does it fit the plushie? It's almost like we painted. It's almost like we painted, but we did it. I got it. You dropped the painting, and now you can have all your gifts. And now they can see. All your gifts are there. He can be next to Mario Goti.

Three beautiful gifts. Four your gifts. And now he can be next to Mario Gote. Three beautiful gifts. Four beautiful gifts. Why? Bring it in. Meet me halfway. He's so charming. I'm trying to tie this. On my dog.

What's crazy is I was never mad. You guys tried way too hard for this shit, but thanks Maybe that's one of our problems. Let me tell me you put seven Did you just break the bracelet or maybe was the bracelet not soundly made? Did you not double strengthen it? I'll be honest he did use the wrong thread for like bracelets, but I wasn't gonna critique that It does look like gloss. Women are constantly telling me I'm wrong and I will get my revenge

that's why he's the sexiest one wow well thank you all I forgive you all I'm happy to be all thank you she said it fuck you guys so now on your episode of the podcast It's your turn to talk Wow

I'm so excited And that's time, thank you guys for watching episode 1000 Well now what guys We thought that would last an hour and a half I actually don't know I think I'm just happy that I feel like the air is cleared I feel a lot more open and connected to you all yeah, I have to explain my mom later what that was She's gonna be upset

She doesn't fuck with you no I was very sweet with her Women is we Forgive we forget, but we never let it go. I feel like you're not forgiving or forgetting. I know. But that's us, you know. And you got to love them as they are. I do, every day.

Don't talk about her. You didn't know, Dubbin. That's so fun, man. You guys keep secrets from each other, man. That's so fun man You guys keep secrets From each other man That's so fun No You guys keep lies

No you don't do that She lied to you I'm an open book He is a book He is A pretty good open book I'm a great open book I'm painfully open

Painfully When's the last time You saw When's the last time You saw him cry Um Cause he was talking About how much he cries last week he mostly cries when he watches like movies and stuff so it's not very dead ass cried watching adam sandler's you are so not

invited to my bat mitzvah why because it was so sad it wasn't it was beautiful though did you guys watch it yeah i chose it i picked it out and he cried she gave up her bat mitzvah. You didn't cry? I did cry. I wept openly. Because I thought it was beautiful. Did he openly weep at an Adam Sandler movie? Not that I know of. I didn't want you to hear it. But I did weep. When he cries, is it

emasculating? Uh, no. No, I don't think that would be an unhealthy message for me to spread is the answer yes but you don't want to spread the message the answer is not yes

what I'm just saying boys shouldn't cry stupid I was messing around he I well this came at a really good time in my life because I'm actually

doing PR right now I'm doing the rounds um yeah did you you didn't know that I'm promoting is what the PR stands for promoting

wait no it doesn't promoting it's the first two letters of promoting yeah is this right wait I thought it was public relations

it's definitely public relations but no it's promoting men listen to women anyway it is promoting and i i have a new company i started really yeah so you didn't know about this no wow more secrets fine more secrets this isn't so fun for me for you and that's why i said secrets hurt friends when they when they don't know. That's right.

And now it's all out there. How do you guys know? You guys don't know? Well, I didn't know he slept with your mom either. Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah, we actually. I've been holding on to it. I kind of assumed because they were so electric together.

I'm going to make you feel the pain of what you made me feel today. That's so scary. Keep going. I worked really hard on this and it means a lot to me. But I have a product that I'm selling. She brought a pen. It's about someone that I lost near and dear to me, and I'm selling these t-shirts.

Bro. t-shirts. Bro. And you can buy one now on itsucksaymanisgone.com Is that real? Can you pull that up? In memory of my friend. So this is a big shirt

that says Ayman forever in my heart. And it's the fat Ayman picture I use. One of him in a Fortnite Balenciaga shirt and then another Ayman. And it's like a tribute shirt for a dead man. Oh independent. That's pretty good shirt pretty good shirt I'm worn those yeah, so I'm just hoping to raise as much awareness

This is possible. What is death is death? Yeah, so If you've noticed he's still alive What I'm going to need to correct If you've noticed, he's still alive. Uh-huh. What I'm going to... We need to correct him. The money made from... Your mom would be so sad.

The money made will help kill him. The money made from this company is going to be used in steroids for orphans. And they will get big and juicy with the one vindication of killing him. You're going to write an army. What's the website again? ThatSucksAmenIsGone.com ThatSucksAmenIsGone.com Let me make sure I got that right.

I'm a little dyslexic, so... That sucks... Oh, ThatSucksThatAmenIsGone.com Right, your business. ThatSucksThatAmenIsGone.com, yeah. That sucks... Oh my god. Oh, it's actually forone.com, yeah. That sucks. Oh, my God. Oh, it's actually for sale.

Yeah, it's for sale now. Wait, how much is it? Oh, my fucking God. Oh, my God. It's $24.20. That's a great... $24.50? It's $24.20.

It's $24.20. Odd. In memory of weed. Zipper instantly buys one. Frame one purchase. Yeah. Wow. Thank you for your contributions and this will be it's for a good cause to take uh for the orphans to get steroids yeah they're all gonna look like sam sulik but three feet tall but you guys aren't focusing on the end game which is killing aiden yeah oh thank god that's a good end game that's a good cause i can get behind that

i was never fat i I was never fat. You were fat. You were fat like both. Back when we all lived together, you were like a purple Pikmin. You were the original burger boy. You want me to wear it? It was fucked up. I'll promo your merch.

You can stop showing off your fucking muscles, you thirst trap. Dude, how does that make you feel? Is this a thirst trap? My dad used to say, my dad used to say, if you show a lot of meat, you attract a lot of dogs. Wow. He would say that to her.

Yeah. Less funny. Yeah. Less funny. Did he say it to Ludwig ever? I doubt. Did he say it to, did he say it to one of his sons who probably played basketball

on tank tops? No, no. Yeah. No, but they weren't harlots like me. So why would he? You consider yourself a harlot girl? Well, that's what he said I was. No, no. Yeah. No, but they weren't harlots like me, so why would he? You consider yourself a harlot girl? Well, that's what he said I was, so. Oh, my God.

I'll fight your dad if you want. No, he's very sweet. I could sleep your dad. Oh, he's sweet. He's very sweet. He said that, and he's sweet. Well, okay, do you think he's not sweet? No, he's really sweet.

He was trying to help me with God. I'll fight your dad and God. He also runs you like a paladin. What? Because he does direct damage No, my dad is his pious. You know what his hobby is he's ping-pong Hours every day you would smoke David John smoke. He would smoke all of you with one hand Because that's how you play ping pong

That why is what is it about ping pong it like has a grip on people apparently if you play it You just get addicted really fast. I think it's a lot of activities. It's like the rock climbing of tabletop games. Right. I feel wise. That makes sense. He's right. Rock climber says he's right.

We're going to do a tournament of my family versus slime. I have a nephew that's eight that'll smoke you at basketball. I do think that's true. Yeah, that'll happen. I'm really bad at basketball. And then my sister will smoke you in a smoke-off think that's true. Yeah, that'll happen. I'm really bad at basketball. And then my sister will smoke you in a smoke-off. She's Mormon. Smoking what?

Salvia. Salvia? I do not want to see a nine-year-old smoke salvia. This is my sister. She's 32. Oh! She smokes salvia? Yeah, well, she's never done it, but I just know she can do it. Fair match-up. I don't think she wants it. You haven't either. But she can't. Fair match up.

I don't think she wants to meet the shadow demons. I think that's bad. She's given birth, so. She's given birth five times. That's the hardest thing to do. Holy shit. Yeah, that is kind of giving birth, I guess, in a way. You're giving birth to your mind. Five, yeah.

Does it get easier? Yeah, I asked her if she would be my surrogate, because I said, they're just falling out at this point. And she said, no. That's a good way to ask. Dude, the fifth one came out like She's actually getting a mommy makeover in November she had to wait a year for it No in there and in one surgery go in there breast lift tummy lift and vaginal rejuvenation

What they like like that's what need shot Go in there. Breast lift, tummy lift, and vaginal rejuvenation. What? They like... That's what Nadeshot earned the dream for. They poured juvie on the pussy. It just shrivels back up. That was his dream. The body gets destroyed by the baby. The body gets so destroyed by the baby.

Even the boobs get destroyed by the baby. Yeah. They do. Yeah. Especially me, because I was hidden shit fucking, I was hidden kind in there. You were smoking weed in the womb? I was doing kickflips on it. On what?

On the uterine wall? Yeah, it was a half pipe. Did you know that after you have a baby, you have to get, you get diapers as an adult and you put aloe in them and you freeze them so then it soothes your, your broken gooch. Does it, there, I, do you get scared of thinking about that sometimes? No, I'm going to get a surrogate.

She's anti having baby. Anti giving birth to the baby. Because she knows about all this. That's why you want the trend child. Yeah. Yeah. I'll find one. I'm going to have to get my eggs frozen soon.

Can we put a baby in Sam Sulek? And then it could be strong. Sam Sulek with giant, beautiful breasts giving birth to a baby? He already has beautiful breasts. He does. Yeah. There's a little bit of time. Well, I have better fans than you guys.

So I'll be like, hey, fans, can I have a kidney? And they'll be like, yes, queen. I'll be like, hey, fans, you want to carry my baby? They'll be like, yeah. Dude, imagine you answer the call your order is confirmed zipper is the first purchaser of the amen shirt and he's gonna wear it zipper has shirts from like fucking 1991 yeah give me one of my favorite shirts all time the coot smoking weed coot smoking weed don't he zipper moaned out there because i asked him for that image because i thought i wanted to I want to fill my website with just obscene shit

And so I was gonna put the coots smoking weed on a mug I was gonna put the Polaroid of your balls, but like censored with two stars But then I just got busy though, it's alright, this is a better cause too. Yeah. Yeah The other one the other one would have been purely for my money. Do you think it's cool to show sack if the outlines of the balls are censored? I mean, on a website you can show anything. I could have sold it just empty, but that would have been sexual exploitation of my friend.

Yeah. Yeah. But if you say, yo, I'm doing this, I'd be like beast. Yeah. But it had to be a surprise. That's true. That's so fun. I'm learning so much about women.

What else is there to know? Well, you know, when we say we're hungry. Yeah. What does it mean? We are. We are. Yeah. Wait, but why would you, why?

Why would you want to eat? And like number one rule is if I want ice cream, you want ice cream. Yeah. I hate this rule. You can't say no to it. Wait, so if you say no. This is, dude. Oh, zipper three does this, dude.

What's that? Tell me the secrets. Because we all have inherent eating disorders that we got from society. And so if it's a Friday night, I'm feeling goofy, silly, loose. I'm like, hey, I want ice cream. Doesn't that sound good? If you say no, I'm fucking fat. I fucking deserve to die. I fucking need to go to hell. That's your fault. Doesn't that sound good? If you say no, I'm fucking fat. I fucking deserve to die.

I fucking need to go to hell. That's your fault. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. If you say yes, oh my God. Ice cream time. Ice cream time. Yeah.

Yeah. I learned this. I don't like this rule. I follow it because you have to. What happened to you? She says this is every dinner interaction ever where she's like, do you want to get dessert? Or like, do you want to get a sweet?

And then like 70% of the time, I'm like, no, I'm all good. It's like, you should get something if you want though. And then she's like, no, I don't want anything now. Yeah, you fucked it. Oh my God. You fucked it like an asshole. You made her feel like she's weird. You made her feel like a fat whale.

Harpooning her one shot at joy in this world. I'm letting, wouldn't I be letting the whale go in that scenario? Here's the strat is you say yes emphatically. Yeah. And then you just gotta, you just gotta find something that works. Like. He usually like, I feel like you throw yours away. I do go light.

I go small scoops. I go affogato. That's a good one. Gets you through. Just eat some ice cream for once in your fucking life burger ludwig have fun i do like but i also like tracking my macros okay well let me does it hurt your feelings when he throws it out no except for i also don't like wasting money because i grew up poor so i'm kind of like don't

i don't throw it out to be clear i just just get real small Yeah, but sometimes you don't finish it. I guess girl small Often you guys get ice cream together not very often. We actually don't hang out very much what that's really up in Every night oh Difference between time and quality time you're actively hanging out verse passively She's straight from someone with a 10th received coin. We went to a show last night. Bro, she's trying to rock your world and you're playing Suika game. She rocked my world while

I was playing Suika game. It's the best of both worlds, Aiden. You really do get it all, don't you? We went to a show. We went to Ben Schwartz. Oh, really? Yeah, I love Ben Schwartz. What was his favorite? What? My favorite? Isn't he the one in your favorite special ever? He is the one that was in Middle Ditch and Schwartz that we watched.

That was funny as shit. That was the funniest special he's ever seen. It is the funniest special. It's so good. I was actually such a fan of Middle Ditch and Schwartz is something I recommend to everybody. I think it's so sick and it's funny and I love it. And I've actually watched it a few times. Sometimes I'll listen to it passively because it just makes me it's funny And I love it And I've actually Watched it a few times Sometimes I'll listen

To it passively Because it just Makes me giggle And I don't giggle Very often And so however Middle Ditch Got cancelled

Yes Yeah Yeah I remember this Which made me really sad Because we were gonna Play games together On Twitch Oh yeah he was like

In your chat Yeah But he was like Hitting you up Yeah we were like I got him into NoPixel I was like helping him And then he got cancelled And he was like in your chat he's like hitting you up yeah we're like we're like i got him into no pixel i was like helping him and then he got canceled and i was like what'd he do um it's i don't know enough about it to speak on it tbh she's scarred from the swifties i am hey that was good thank you i'm learning impressive no i genuinely don't know

enough about it and then i so i was like bummed but now schwartz is still doing uh like the long form improv with a group so it's called schwartz and friends now instead of like middle ditch and schwartz and it's good but it's just not the same and i'm like sad i thought it was heat i was laughing a lot as good no it's so funny middle ditch is so funny so you're sitting there rolling your eyes and ludwig's just going no i laughed i did laugh I laughed until I cried It was just like when you know it could be better You know you're sad

I love the idea of being like It's not Middle-Agent Schwartz it's Schwartz and my non-cancelled friends Come on down You have to save the situation They went through the resume of each person They're actually very diverse background They're safe You look good let's

do this uh that was hanging out that's hanging out is that not going that was hanging out and then i was like oh let's be crazy let's meander the city and find a dinner place and then we're meandering the city and literally he's watching valorant on his phone oh my god wait who's playing his team it's my team and i by the way Wait, who's playing? His team. It's my team. And by the way, I missed it. They played grand finals during the show. I missed it. So I watched the replay of just the last round.

I will say, remember when we all hung out, when I asked you 300 bands for the Hayride, and you said no, which was annoying. But we all hung out, and we were at your guys' place. And it's like all of our friends and it's this very rare time because miles was leaving too it's like very rare time where we're all together and ludwig is just on his phone watching a stream it was insane i remember this too much it was insane this is different though it's like chastise them would you tell

mark cuban to stop watching the mavs game He doesn't give a fuck about the Mavericks. He does. Very famously. You don't have a good choice because it's his team, but it's also like it's been all day, it's been all week, we haven't hung out, but you gotta watch your team. Why did you say this in the moment? Because I felt bad because it's your team.

That was the healthy route? Why did you say this in the moment? Because I felt bad because it's your team. It's your team. That was the healthy route? Yeah, this is kind of girl stuff. They won't tell you anything. Sorry, because I didn't think it's not that serious. Because it's important to be honest and clear the air here. I didn't think it actually... My game did. It doesn't actually matter because I'm not going to change anything about it.

Yeah, okay. This is good and healthy. I like this route. I think it makes sense. I think you both have a reasonable reasonable situation and you just need to, and now, you know, you can talk about it later and the baby dog is here and my painting is

there and you can stare at the painting. You guys would look at the painting and talk about it on the ground. You keep dropping it. Now I feel bad. Yeah. No, no, yeah.

Just keep it. Cause it's for, it's for you and you can stare at that while you figure out sort of whatever small issues. This is why he didn't want me on the podcast. We figured it out. I'm the one who's been asking. I'm sorry.

Oh, my God. It's a lack of proof to look at. You watch a lot of the podcast. I do. Do you watch every episode? Yeah, I haven't missed one. Oh, my God. Do you have a favorite?

I'd have to look at the thumbnails real quick. Give me a second. No, no, favorite person. Oh, I meant what she's doing, but I'm down for yours instead. Okay. Which person is your favorite on the podcast? Fucking slime, dude. It's fucking slime.

Zipper coughs. Loudly. It's Ludwig. Really? Good answer. Good answer. Of course it's Ludwig. Aw.

That's nice. All right, imagine Ludwig exploded. He's, oh course it's Ludwig. Aw. That's a nice one. All right, imagine Ludwig exploded. He's, aw, there's meat everywhere. Ew. It's all over the walls. I'm trying to eat it. I watch the podcast because I feel like it gives me insight into his life. My life?

I'm parasocial with the podcast, yeah. Look, I get it, man. I think, doesn't it just... Sometimes I watch the podcast because I want to hang out with him. Right? You know what I mean? Oh, wasn't this nice Does zipper 2 listen as well

I'm a little short On dubbing time this week Guess I'll just listen Back to us talking again We're literally playing basketball After this Does zipper 3 listen for you Hmm

Does zipper 3 listen for you No shot Yeah Really This is a very niche Demographic Is guys Who have girlfriends

That listen to their podcast But it is a classic thing. Oh, you know what my favorite, my most recent favorite episode was the one on Nut. That's a good one. He's so funny. I love him. I wish you'd make video. Yeah, I like that one a lot. He's too busy stunting on Twitter

with some cool photos at the baseball game. He is. I love when he posts his slideshow of him just posting it up somewhere. I liked it. He is. I love when he posts like his slideshow of him just posting up somewhere. I liked it. He retweeted an old one he made, but it was,

I'm going to start off, I'm going to respect No Nut November by killing myself. It's just from like three years ago. Yeah, it's from a long time ago. You have so many podcasts

today, that's actually crazy. I do. Are you making that up? I don't. I don't get gassed out because I just tell the same story 12 times because I all have different audience demographics.

What's the story you're going to tell here that you're going to tell there too? A story I'll tell here that I was right all along. Swifties. Did you see it? Wait, what happened? Did you see it? Oh, yes, I did see this. What happened? Are you ready for it? Context. Let her tell us. The context

goes way back. It's, do you know how she got almost canceled and attacked? I got almost fucking killed. Almost murdered. Tell me Ludwig. I almost got murdered. She almost got murdered

because she, we were in Vegas and every morning she'd have a makeup person come and every morning they'd come and they'd be chatty. You'd be so sad. I'd be so sad

because it'd be like 9 a.m. and I was, I was in the club. I got in an Uber with Ludwig that day and I'm like, how was your day, man? He's like, makeup person came early. He was already complaining about it. It's crazy because you knew

what time the makeup person was coming. You didn't need to wake up until 5 a.m. He's like, I got no sleep. I didn't know how chatty she'd be though. This one was chatty. Because I could have slept through it if she was there. For the record, this is the one that caused the problem. I know. My other't know how chatty she'd be though. This one was chatty. Because I could have slept through it if she was there. For the record, this is the one that caused the problem. I know. My other one was not chatty.

Yes, that was fine. I was chill with her. She was so chatty. She was chatty about me too. I would get up and she'd be like, well, you're up finally, honey. And I'd be like, bro. I'm not wearing pants. And you came out of their cave. Literally. So she was super chatty and they're talking about all sorts of things.

Cause like there's not a dead second of silence. Not one second. I wanted it to be quiet for the record. Me too. And so eventually cutie brings up Taylor Swift. Cause when she runs out of stuff to talk about, she can talk about that. No,

I was talking about my Halloween costumes. She said, what are you being for Halloween? Oh yeah. Cause she was also, she was coming into town for Halloween. No, that's a different makeup artist. Okay, because that one's working one day but she's visiting for one day. He does listen.

Because I have no choice but to listen. That's a nice thing to say after that. To the makeup artist. To the makeup artist. To the makeup artist. And then you bring up that you're going to be Taylor Swift and then she instant goes

goss mode I shouldn't even be saying this I'll say it I'm prefacing this this is gossip not true fact she basically said that oh wow I heard can I just paraphrase

and get there you tell my story I just worried that you got it wrong can I just paraphrase and get there let me tell you tell my story I just worry that you're gonna get canceled so this started with the story that cutie is gonna tell on all the podcasts she's gonna get attacked again is that a valid fear come at me guys you don't want that no don't you can't take me down the streets made me despicable I don't know if you saw that. This is actually me when I wanted the Aiden Ross smoke for one episode. Yes, and I taught you all that. You actually don't want it.

You don't. The Swifties, listen, I respect the nice ones, but you mean ones, I don't know where the fuck you came from. You need to go back, listen to folklore a few times, and get nice, bitches. Listen to the lakes, you little son of bitches. Because Taylor wouldn't like that shit that you're doing. And Gaylor's not real. Ooh, be careful.

That's where they get pissed off. Is this your shrapnel? So, you guys don't know much about Taylor Swift, so this is an educational podcast now. So, there is a such thing called Gaylors. They're ridiculous. They believe that you're not a Gaylor. Don't say that. I'm not. I am not. I just know that. You're a gay Lord don't say I'm not I am NOT

Well, I just know that you're gay Lord. Yeah, dude They believe that Taylor Swift is actually gay and that I mean listen there's some damning evidence I'll give him that list Taylor's a very strong ally to the point where you're like a girl that you got a that's a little You don't need to dye your hair. The bi-flag colors. Like you got, that's like, I'm an ally, but I've never done that. You know, like I understand what you're saying. And so, and she has some songs definitely about ex friends, but they're written like breakups because you can break up with friends.

And when you write about relationships ending so many times, it's going to sound like a love romance, right? So I get it. I get where Gaylor's come from. There's a lot of signs. Whatever. Blondie has said she's straight, so you believe Blondie. Like old ass Blondie?

No, Hailey Swift. They call her Blondie. They call her Blondie. I didn't know that. And in her recent re-release in 1989, she said like a very explicit. Yeah, she condemned the fucking gay lures she said shut your whore mouths she didn't say that aggressively she said she essentially had this prelude to 1989 being re-released where she was like she was like everyone was slut shaming

me before going into this album so i swore to myself no men and i'm just gonna make up for lost time and i'm gonna get a girl squad and it's gonna be be awesome. And I'm going to finally have girlfriends in my life. And I didn't think it would be possible for people to centralize and sexualize those relationships. But I guess I was fucking wrong about that too. Like she was like, yeah, she was pissed. And then she was feeling 22. That's from Red. Different.

But that's okay. That was before. Wait, name a song from 89. Or are you at the punchline? She's like, which one's my favorite? So there's like a shame on a neighbor. That's hers, right? The current system of a down car.

Her ghost face went crazy on that. New Romantics. Just say New Romantics. New Romantics. That's a really good one. New Romantics is my TV. What about from Prezzo? Love Story.

That's from Fearless fearless but close um anyway so they really want this this travis kelsey taylor swift relationship to be a fake relationship a beard right they want her to be gay yeah they want to be right they want to be right and then are they not cool with bisexual but they won't settle for that i think they would settle for that they just just want to be right. Okay. They just want to be told that they're right and she has said that she's straight and they're mad. And so they really want this to be a PR relationship. This is like the opposite of dream.

Is it? Do people desire dream to be straight? I don't think I have enough knowledge to continue the sentence but I do think it is the opposite. Is this what it's like to be with me? Around me when I say shit? I like when Dream has his hands in his hoodie like this.

I don't know what he's on about. Maybe continue. Yeah, I'm scared for what you said more than what I'm saying. We really are hitting all the bingo cards. Say something about BTS now. And then you say something about the Barbs. Okay, anyway, so they really want this. They want to prove that this relationship Now you say something about the barbs um okay anyway

So they really want this they want to prove that this relationship is a PR relationship I think at first I'm a little gatekeep II and I was like Travis Kelsey is not hot enough But then he's grown on me. It takes time. How how well is the team doing? I was so right They're like the one of the best in the NFL. He's the best fucking tight end He's on his best season ever it was a dog shit football player fucking rip If he was a dog shit football player. He's 6'4 fucking ripped. If he was a dog shit football player, would people be as hype on him? No. Yeah. No, no, no. If he was like a shit football player,

like getting cut from his team and get clowned on. That looks, I don't know if anyone else agrees with me, like the most Nick pair of underwear I've ever seen in my life. If you were underwear, it would look like that. Yeah. That would be you. Well, I mean, they're soft. You used to wear shirts that looked exactly like that. Yeah, it would be that way. I mean, they're soft You used to wear shirts exactly like that. Yes, you did. Yeah, what are you talking?

This is you. This is you. Shirts like this. Like this is like it's so Nick Kaur and and the thing is MeUndies knows that and MeUndies can also be you Kaur because they got So many different types of styles and flavors. Well, how does it taste, buddy? Smell at your own risk. I will say that. If you find a pair of MeUndies on the ground, they actually will smell delicious. That's true.

And if you get them shipped straight to your door. They don't taste good. That's not one of their promises, though. You're not supposed to eat them. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy.

Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy.

Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy.

Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Okay, so MeUndies, we think you should make MeUndies. And it's actually snackies that are shaped like underwear. Shipped monthly to your door. Dude, they're actually so soft. Feel them.

They're actually so soft. Yeah, I have them on right now. I have them on my balls right now. They're great. I also have the long underwear ones they gave us, and I wear them a lot. They're very comfy. What is softer, MeUndies or Shake's hands? That's hard because his hands have never worked in their life.

Yeah, they're just completely smooth, you see your reflection in his hand But I do think that me undies takes the cake me undies guys if you don't know ships to your door every month I think we said that five times, but here's a six time for you Other than underwear they have socks loungewear and bralettes We got bra and they've never sent those to us. Send us some bralettes, you fucking animals. Send us a bralette because we care about the women who watch, not the men. That's right.

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And that's why you should buy it. To get 25% off your first purchase, plus free shipping, go to MeUndies.com slash zipper. How did you get? How did you get? Okay. Zippers had juice for a while. Don't wait to get comfortable. Go to MeUndies.com slash zipper.

What do you tell them? Do you get a bigger cut than us all right now cutie say something crazy regardless he's growing on me i used to say he looked like he was from idaho he looks like he's from idaho but hot from idaho is what i've decided like an idaho like like a baked potato yeah he kind of he kind of like looks like he could have gone down that route with a thirst trap TikTok guy who cuts wood. Oh, yeah. Actually, now that you said that, I would watch that.

He could have become that. And that's why you want Ludwig to look like him all the time. That's why I look like that right now. What with my high socks. No, I actually told him he could shave his mustache now and he was like, no, it's November. That was fucked up with you. Quick aside. Why?

Because you made me grow it out for a month. You said, you're gonna be my little accessory for halloween now little boy and i said okay and you said you're gonna be a chair and you're gonna love it i said okay and you said you're gonna be travis kelsey grow out that stash buddy and i did and then the november 1st i trimmed it and she goes oh i thought you shaved it i was like you've been growing out for a month and you want to go out already what is your counter argument attitude that you're throwing on my voice. When I'm the sweetest little muffin in the whole wide world, I don't complain about anything.

You are a sweet little muffin. Until I'm on a podcast. I was a sweet chair. And so why can't the chair have a sash? It sounds like you didn't like being in the chair. You complained about having the mustache. It was very itchy. I gave him a lot of shit for it.

I made his life miserable in hell. He complained about it. So then I'm like, oh, by the way, It was very itchy. I gave him a lot of shit for it. I made his life miserable in hell. He complained about it. So then I'm like, oh, by the way, you can shave now. I thought. And then you got mad at me. What the fuck?

I feel like I ran a half marathon and I need to run the full thing. You can do it then. I don't fucking give a shit. Live your best life. I was just trying to like. It is pretty big. But you're dogging her

for giving you the out. She's like, you can stop halfway. I gave you the out and you just said, kill yourself. She didn't like it. I don't think you like it. It's like, you can stop halfway. I gave you the out and you just said kill yourself. She didn't like it. I don't think you like it. I don't dislike it.

It's just hard to make out. It fucks up your face. And I've been breaking out. You break out? Also, it's annoying to eat food and drink shit. That's why I've been getting a lot more around my mouth too. You have a big ass pimple on your mouth it was disgusting you make it out a little time well we have made jokes about me making out with one way earlier you we don't talk about

your gross face bro oh i just have little pimples okay so the swifties so this is so anyway the swifties no those are the gay subsect of the yeah the gaylers really want it to be a pr relationship and then other it's like this weird okay so this is the tier list of swifties there's the gaylers the subsect of the yeah the gaylers really want it to be a PR relationship and then other it's like this weird okay so this is the tier list of swifties there's the gaylers there's the normal swifties

and then there's like the parasocial ridiculous swifties that are trying to fight the gaylers and everybody else they're just trying to fight and it's like

chill also gaylers chill everybody fucking chill we used to just be this and now there's this and it's like what the fuck happened? It's factions.

It's like World of Warcraft. Yeah. This is kind of like Dark Souls or maybe. The Galers are like Horde. Which side is Alliance? Which side is Horde? Yeah. That's a good question.

But we need a third one. Which of them look more like orcs is the question. Probably the evil ones. I think. Well, I don't know who's more evil. The Galers are the anti-everyone. So there's these factions. There's the galers are the anti everyone um the gatekeepers the gatekeepers and then the normal swifties um anyway so makeup artist is cuckoo

cabana talk talk talk talk talk talk i bring up taylor swift not even second drop she's like yeah that's a crazy pr relationship and i go no like i'm sitting there i'm like no no for the record i said no no did. This is what's crazy. I don't believe that. Even when I told the story, I said it like this. I was like, I don't believe it. And they just ignored the words coming out of my mouth and believed this crazy makeup artist who I prefaced with, do you want to hear some crazy tea? And they were like, this is fact.

And I was like, what the fuck? Anyway, so the makeup artist was like, yeah, it's a PR relationship. I'm friends with the PR person. And I'm like, there's no way this is true, but like, whatever, like let her talk or shit, you know, let her chat. And then I tell the story and that's it. I didn't think it was a big deal. I talk about Taylor Swift all the time.

And then the galers get ahold of that, put it on TikTok and they use it as confirmation that it's a PR relationship, which is just like to me. as confirmation that it's a PR relationship, which is just like to me. Uh, and then, uh, uh, uh, like, uh, celebrity, like almost like an e-news, like it's called DeMois, like a celebrity gossip Instagram also put it with 2 million followers. They put it on their story. And so all of a sudden I start getting toasted, not only by the galers, they think I'm one of them and i'm like oh oh shit i'm not and then also the the gatekeepers are like fuck you you're one of those all you're doing is talking about our relationships when i talk about this bitch is everything i talk about every word that comes out of her mouth like leave me alone anyway they go crazy they tell me they hope my plane crashes on

my way home from las vegas oh my god no Yeah. Didn't know she was afraid for that reason. It's also wishing death on so many other people too. That is crazy. That's like so many. They were like, let's give her the scooter treatment.

I'm like, scooter's a billionaire so feel free. What's scooter? Scooter Braun. Scooter Braun. They hate him too. Oh my gosh,

there's so much. In my head, in my head, I thought. We'll do a master class one day and take three hours. This meant beating in your shins with a scooterers don't know most good wrong. I know who scooter brawn I what is it just I don't want to go into it

I don't think your audience wants it. Did he get chopped up like Kashungi? Scooter Braun is a manager of Justin Bieber, Kanye West, all this bullshit behind Taylor's back he went to Big Machine Records and bought all of her music And that's the reason she did the Taylor's version. Now she's doing Taylor's version. Because he's a really scummy, shitty person. Got it, okay. Do you think that she would do

Slime's version if they met? No. What? What the fuck? Slime. If they were together? It would be like a chorus of dogs

singing in the background. What if I broke her and nine dogs taking care of each other but with music? But singing beautifully. Slime would have some like, slam poetry in there.

Oh, I have a verse? Yeah, you have a verse. Yo, I got a feature? Yeah. Maybe you could sweep in on Sophia Turner. This is what you were talking about, that you want me to raise up. I need you to date a celebrity. You need me to date a celebrity closer to Taylor Swift, but not Taylor Swift herself.

No. Even though we'd be perfect for each other. Yeah. I don't think you would. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Because who she's dating in her dating history doesn't align with you. She dated John Mayer. Yeah.

It's closer, but... Slime could have written Gravity. The closest you are to one of her exes is probably like Matt Healy. That's... I can... Yeah, sure. Dude, she dated a podcaster kind of. Yeah, she dated upon a controversial podcast. I have better teeth Oh, that's true But that is just those are the cards she's due to date a bald guy yeah

I could be her first ball. She's gonna put in her hours. Wow. Well, she's not, cause she's gonna marry Travis Kelce and it's gonna be amazing. Oh, you want that? I don't know what I fucking care. Well, so, why are you absolved? That's the funny thing, is I talk about this like lore, at the end of the day I don't give a fuck, is what I want everyone to know. Like, I just, I talk about it like it's interesting. Sure, well what's the separation? What makes you different from a crazy Swifty that's like thinking about it all the time? I get this, I get this. This is like when I used to talk about the Yuzen Vong War in Star Wars a lot.

It's like, you know. He did talk about that a lot. Yeah. Cool arc. It's in the books. Great, great thing. Disney cut it out. I'll talk to you about that for hours.

Yeah. But it's, you know, Disney got rid of it. I'm over it. It's fine. I'm just like a bit of a historian because I was listen don't laugh that was hurtful I'm not laughing

you don't care about anything I care about stuff that's so true she's right she's right she's right she's right she's right

she's right I watched this fucking one piece in the yum yum fruit you don't give a fuck one piece disgusting thousand episodes and we'll have a thousand more

Ludwig I'm watching the game a thousand more volumes and we'll read it forever we'll read it forever Ludwig it's only 500 more greatest pirate story ever Ludwig it's the greatest story ever

so I grew up like a teenage fan and so that's when you watch all the interviews you blah blah blah and now with the re-releases I see all these new fans

being like this song is about is about Corey from Glee and I'm like you dumb bitch. No, it's not. It's about probably like, I saw the interview where she said who it was about.

I saw the thing. So then I have to go back in and correct them just because I'm... You're an elder in the village shaman. I am. You're a Taylor shaman. What is the youngest Taylor Swift fan, if you somehow knew their age,

that you would argue with? About lore. My niece. She's a dumbass. How old is she? She's seven. you're just like so you're like oh my god shut up so you're arguing with your stupid this song's about john mayer and he's gross and i said no it's about harry styles and he's hot but also an asshole you guys are fucking shut up hayley you guys are at the house after holiday dinner she just beat slime and basketball earlier And she's a mouth and a half.

Well, that's my nephew. I'm not Taylor Swift. Really? I walk in fucking pit state. And I'm like, keep that bitch away from me. Couldn't fucking do it. She's too good. I was trying to say good game.

She just fucking. Ludwig is going to France for Thanksgiving. Yeah. That should be my gala date is you have to come to Thanksgiving with my family dude I'm so down actually you actually have no idea I will be the perfect accompaniment to your weird family and the stream is just you

playing basketball against my nephew you have to be tame though of course I'd be tame. You can't swear. That wasn't tame. You instantly went untame at the thought of it. Yeah, because I'm in a safe space. When I swear,

she like... She fucking darts at me. You know what? Because my mom was really hard ass about swearing as well. So when I'm around adults actually, I can turn it off really easy. You're anaring as well, so when I'm around adults, actually, I can turn it off really easy. You're an adult. No, but like other adults.

We are other adults. I use the word adult to mean like someone I shouldn't swear around. I can project that onto them, and I'd be like, oh, okay, I just won't do that. Because my mom got really mad at me. She cheered to me because I said, what the hell? Well, and he says, God bless you, which is not kosher in Mormon. The thing is, I'm a linguist master. I always say, God bless. Yeah.

Not supposed to say that. Why can't you say that? Because he's the one supposed to be blessing. Because you're not supposed to say God. You can't use God's name in vain. You can't say God. I couldn't say, oh, my God. It's not in vain.

It's not in vain because he's blessing. I know, but it's... What are you saying? God damn it is in vain. It's just... I don't know. Yeah, but you can't... You can't, like but you can't like...

I can't call upon his power? You don't have the priesthood. You don't have his shit. What level do I have to be to get that? 36, you get mind seer. I don't think it's kosh ever. When I was a kid, I couldn't say oh my god.

What do you say when someone sneezes? Bless you. Just say bless you sneezes bless you just bless you just say bless you yeah no god bless you isn't that in and of itself a bastardization of god bless you like it started with god bless you you can't you fucking we barely say god what do you do tell them to think you went to a boston conference like in there what do you do you gotta fucking don't fucking say god bless you you're gonna fucking tell him to not go to church in that room oh you got a fucking problem with the father dude okay mormons don't even believe in wearing like crosses really yeah well what if they're like dripless what if they want a good

drip well i remember i remember i was sitting with my friend and sometimes i would bring friends to church um because i grew up in a really poor neighborhood where you just kind of collected friends like stray animals like you just walk around and be like yeah my friend now you find a big stick and it's a party for the whole day exactly and then i go to the church because that's where there was stuff sometimes and i'm there and there uh one of the like uh priesthood members walks in and she's wearing a cross because she's not Mormon. And he's like, oh, you can't have that in here.

And she's like, why? And he looks at her. We're like nine. And he's like, he's like, if I killed your brother and I wore the knife I killed your brother with around my neck, would you like that? She was like, she was like, I don't have a brother. So he's like, you win, enter.

That little girl, King Vaughn. She had no idea. It was awesome. That's funny because you can have a giant, giant painting of Jesus. Oh, we love this. Crucified Jesus though. No. No. So that's the difference. Beautiful, breathtaking Jesus. Oh, we love crucified Jesus though. No, no. Yeah. So that's the difference. Beautiful.

You're just not trying to show Jesus crucified on the cross with the damn DeWalt in his fucking hands. But that was him at his, that was him at his DeWalt. Anyway, I have to finish. I've got to wrap back around. So please don't cancel me again.

So Pia, I guess is the name of his publicist. I didn't know her name. Travis Kelsey's publicist. Travis Kelsey's publicist publicist yeah her name is pia and within the same week of me spreading that goss which i shouldn't have for the record like i i said to her i was like no no way you're friends she pulls up her phone and like shows me she's like this is her number i didn't even see the name because i was i didn't know travis kelsey's name i don't think it was pia i don't think this i think this makeup artist was just on crack I think she woke up took her morning crack and then came to do my makeup

she was just so excited you gotta talkative I mean that's how you chat that much you gotta want something yeah you know so like she's chatting I think she's just chatting shit and so anyway uh but then within a week Pia posted on her Instagram story it was like a birthday repost and for some reason she put a clown emoji over taylor swift's face there's no reason to do it yeah that is insane especially as a publicist it's like what are you doing you're getting a javelin laser painted on you and then travis kelsey's mom was in an interview and they're like how's taylor how's hanging out taylor and she did this she went no she went back that was so convoluted she's fine she. She loves her. She loves her.

Anyway, they're in love, and they're perfect for each other. And he got injured, and Taylor left New York, and she flew all the way to Kansas to see him. It was very cute. I'll take the Swifty smoke off your hands if you ever want it. You were in the trenches. You know who was, Yingo? Yingo is a trench warrior.

He's a trench warrior. Yingo was in the trenches with you? Yingo gets in the trenches. Yeah, he does. Yingo was on an alt account arguing with Swifties, telling them to- Thank God. Thank God someone else is out here like me doing God's work. I was also arguing with Swifties.

You were, but I'm talking about like- For you. These guys are saying like, fucking, oh, I'm too good for that shit. I've done it for you. Thank you. I've done it for you. Remember I was- I've done it-

I've asked you. I was like, hey, can you block this guy? Because he likes you a lot But he was mean to me Well that's for you then That's also for you What I'm saying is I'm saying that's what I meant That was your argument

No it's not my argument I'm saying What I'm trying to say Is I appreciate that To be clear You didn't do it for her So yeah and you've never Never do it

You also never do it You know what I do No I do In chat Whenever someone Acts the fuck up Oh my god I go off on them.

If it's about you, bro, of course I defend your ass. In your chat? Not in her chat. No, in his chat. In my chat. I did one time, there was this person that was subtweeting about Slime a lot, and I went in their DMs. I said, you need to shut the fuck up.

Y'all. You did that? I did that. Was it like a fan account? No. That's orphan boy. See, we a fan account? Uh, no. Uh. I was orphaned. See, we look out for each other. Yeah.

I was just like, this is not, this is not, this is not it. The DNI. We're gang. Do not engage. Do not interact. When I was looking for that tweet that I put on your account, I couldn't remember the content of it. It's our only Twitter DMs is the funny thing.

It's our only Twitter DM. And I've been, actually, you don't know this, but I've been waiting to screenshot it one day and tweet it out and be like, this guy sends me weird shit. I've been waiting. I haven't done it yet. You should do it right now. You should do it now.

No, it's awful. You should do it right now and you'll be really funny. This is great. If anything, it might be good. It might be like, you might You should do it right now and you'll be really funny. This is great. I get away with this one. We was in the wood. If anything, it might be good. It might be like, you might get hired as a social media. You know what's tough about it, though, is that it's from so long ago that people might not know when you guys started dating, and it might look like right before.

That'd be kind of funny. But no, it's like 20... It's 2020. Wait, it was when you were... You guys started dating in 2019? You guys have been dating for 10 years. Isn't that fun? 2019.

10 years. A decade. April 2020 is our official anniversary. Aw. So this is the same month. Hitler's birthday. This is March. It says March.

March the day. Yeah, no, we saved it for that day. Wait, it's before? March 19th. It's before. Technically, I guess, yeah. He was still on the market, bro. That's crazy.

Did I almost riz you with that one? Would you say you were like Livvy and he was like, I'm a baby Gronk in the cut? I think... Can I spill tea and then maybe you could... Tea? Tea? Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy? he doesn't actually want me on this podcast wow

that's a crazy joke because I'm annoying, I'm stressed I don't think you're annoying if I spill too much tea we can cut it out you can spill whatever you want I have an anti-tea policy what he is probably thinking about is how stressed it may make you and he's worried about that.

Oh, this doesn't make me stressed. Spill your- spill your tea. Tell your truth. Okay, I'm gonna tell this story and then we can cut it if we need to. Spill your tea. Okay. The ladies. There's this-

Bitch. You're supposed to gasp. They're not gonna do this. Yeah, anyway. Bitch! There's this biznatch, biznatcheroonie, that forever ago, Ludwig went to a party,

a year ago. Ludwig goes to a party. Wait, one year ago? Yeah. That's so recent. I know. So a year ago, he goes to a party. He comes back.

I don't go to the party. I don't know why. I just didn't. And he comes back home, and he was like, babe, this girl was hitting on me and i'm like bitch you know very public relationship it's just weird no one's ever slid on me like we're talking about like how that could look like you were sliding quite literally no one has ever slid on me i feel like they respect him too much so the

fact that like when girls do it it's like you just don't respect me it's not coming from a place of like i'm insecure i don't think he'll cheat on me but i'm just like you bitch yeah it's like how dare you you know that word you want to go to the ring and also she looks she looks like an orc no she's actually gorgeous she's always gorgeous they're always gorgeous they wouldn't be not pretty gorgeous i'd say she's part of the whore i don't know who she is but she's horrible no she's gorgeous she said she would love it said zunk zunk he gets home he tells me about this girl and I'm like,

that's crazy. That little, you know, and that's it. And that's all like, whatever. Yeah. It doesn't,

I'm not gonna do anything about it. I don't care. Fast forward, blah, blah. I forget about this because I forgot about her candidly. Yeah, he does.

And so, so then TwitchCon comes around and he's clubbing. He's clubbing, dubbing. He's clubbing, dubbing. And I am not clubbing dubbing. He's clubbing dubbing. And I am not clubbing. Okay.

She's not a clubbing dubbing. And so, of course, you know, I think it's human. I think people are mean when you say, I was insecure. They get like really, they're like, oh, she's so insecure. It's like, no, no, humans get insecure. It's a human emotion. It's fine to be insecure every once in a while. Especially when someone's clubbing in Vegas.

So he gets home, you know, second day of clubbing. And I'm like, hey, I'm a little insecure. Will you validate me and just like let me know? Because I know that drink girl was all up on your dick, but that's her job. But like. And she did farm 10K for me. Yeah, she did a good job. And that's a good way to put it.

It's like, hey, I'm feeling a little insecure right now. Can you just can you help me out there? Yeah, I just say. Can you validate how I feel here? yeah i just validate how i need some validation i need some i need some truth did anything did anyone hit on you that's a great thing to say and usually he says no or he's most of the time i will say ladies in the audience usually men are oblivious to them being hit on i'm friends with many many men and like has Hasan is one of them. Wish death on me. Sorry, you just put a combo video. I'm activating, like, a sleep range.

He does down air to up smash. It's crazy. It shouldn't have killed. It shouldn't have killed. Like, I'll be out with Hasan. He'll get hit on. And the girl will walk away. And I'll be like, he wants.

And he'll be like, no. And I'm like, you're fucking stupid. Like, sometimes guys genuinely don't know when girls are hitting on them like that's fine and so most of the time i don't think he knows i've seen it a few times he doesn't know burger yeah same but then he's like uh he goes clubbing and he was like nothing wrong with the clubbing besides drink girl but city girl's up so it's fine but he was like i was at a table and this girl came up to me and it's the same girl from a year before bitch you rotten dirty bitch she came up to him and she was laying on him and i was like wait wait sorry laying it

laying it like just laying on the floor i thought she was like physically laying down and so she's like she's laying it on him and I'm like, that's, that, dang it. I'm like, gosh, dang it. Yeah.

Yeah, that sucks. Bless you. Like, dang, flab it even. Dang it, shoot. And then he's like,

he's like, yeah, and then she slid in my DMs. Oh. Well, to be clear, I didn't think anything of the conversation

at the poker table. Until she slid? Until the slide. I want to use a weapon on this bitch I blindly support all of this as you so you're not serving cunt? Not at the moment. She's not serving cunt. We're out of cunts. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Zipper, more cunts! By the way, this is demonetized. No, Archie Bears. Archie Bears, good luck. If you serve it, you keep it monetized still, it's fine. So then Queen so then She's like he's lit and I like

Let me let me just check this girl out let me just remember it's been a year right I go to her inside I'm like oh, yeah, it's this girl. I go to her Twitter, and I was like This girl's DM to me before oh I open it up. She asked me to come to the streamer awards. Wait, what? Evil. Do not ask me to come to the streamer awards and then slide

on my boyfriend. And also, what kind of chocolate is Ludwig like? Was the second question. She's also like, are you happy in your relationship? Dude, that is so BAM. Yeah, and I didn't reply, but I have an evil plan that I'll never execute. Oh, good.

Good. What if you gave her the address of like a graveyard and then you killed her? I said don't execute. Good. Yeah, I won't ever execute it, but I wish. Do you know about this plan? You shouldn't execute anyone. Can I hear the plan?

My plan would be really petty if I ever see her in person, which I've never seen her in person. She evades me, of course. Actually, I did. My plan would be really petty If I ever see her in person Which I've never seen her in person She evades me of course Actually I did When we went to Diplo She was in the elevator And she introduced herself to Like Maya was with me

Maya and everyone around me besides me And I was just like okay Like I didn't think anything of it Dude this is fucked up I don't like this shit I know I don't like it either But what can you do So it's whatever

Maybe she thought you were with Will Neff when the elevator went down. I was literally standing right next to him, and Will Neff wasn't in the elevator, I don't think. Wait, was he? He was. I'm in all elevators at all times. No, I'm saying maybe she thought you were in that one. Oh.

She was cutting the, she was trying to. She was cutting the, yeah, when you cut the. She was trying to cut you out. Yeah, she didn't want to touch me in case. Were you walking with Will Neff ever? Yeah, so I don't know. Were you walking with a little F ever? Yeah, so I don't know.

But my petty plan in my brain would be if I ever see this woman and she finally introduces herself to me, I'll be like, oh my God, so nice to meet you. I didn't know girls like you existed. And she would be like, what? And I'd be like, ones that slide in DMs when they know that you're in a relationship. Dang. And then I'll secretly be walking up with a basketball hoop behind her, so I will run up,

dunk, get in her face, glass everywhere. And then Cutie's niece will block it. And then Aiden won't be invited. And Aiden won't be there. He'll be at home. The orphans will have gotten to him and they've killed him. Yeah.

But I won't do it. Um, that's a good ass plan. Thank you. I'll never do it though. But you could! And you might. I wouldn't, only because I think it would upset him. I wouldn't mind if you just went up and confronted if you ran into an interaction. I think that's fine. I don't think that's a problem. Hey, I think it's messed up how you did this. I feel like it's really disrespectful and I want to tell that to you. I think that's fine. I don't think it's a problem. Hey, I think it's messed up how you did this. I feel like it's really disrespectful,

and I want to tell that to you. I think that's fine. What did the DM even say? Hey. No. No, Swift! She did what Lola just did! The last words looked the worst.

That's exactly what real Swift looked like when he did it. All right, so we're going to break this down later on. Cutie, thank you so much for coming on the yard. I feel like I was a bad guest. I wasn't funny. You were funny. What are you talking about? I'm gonna kill myself. You were really funny. Don't do that.

You have two more podcasts to do today. Yeah, I do. It's me, Hasan, and you forever. I'm just... Oh my god. Fuck yeah. I'm sad I'm oh my god fuck yeah I'm sad that I talk

about Taylor Swift I'm sad that he does his will of every fucking episode I love Taylor and I love Trouble

I think I think it's getting further away from Steve-O genuinely it's not getting closer to Will

but it's getting further away from Steve-O I fucking knew you were Trouble when you walked into my door It's not getting closer to Will. But it's getting further away from Seymour. I fucking knew you were in trouble. You walked into my door. It sounds like grandma who's been smoking on the stoma. That's how he sounds. That was just you.

That was just you turning into him. Thank you for coming on this show. I think you did great. I think you're funny. I'm nervous. Don't be nervous. I'm so nervous whenever I do anything with Ludwig because we always get in a fight afterwards. We're not going to get in a fight.

It's fine. All right, and we will broadcast that fight, which is happening tonight, fight night. It's a premium episode on the Patreon. We only play League of Legends and you flame me, and I get sad. No, because when we stream together, I still, my way of flirting is negging.

Wow. I still neg him to this day, and he thinks I'm just being mean, but way of flirting is negging. Wow. I still neg him to this day and he thinks I'm just being mean but I'm trying to be spicy. I do the same thing. She's just, her spicy is like, your fiddle stick is a dog shake, like I want to kill myself. That's legal legends. I'm saying like

That's true and it is. And I'm like, oh shit. We'll be fine, whatever. Alright, thank you so much. We'll see you on the Patreon. Goodbye forever. Goodbye.