The Yard - Ep. 122 - Our dumbest idea yet.

Episode Date: November 15, 2023

This week, the boys talk about participating in a $150,000 COD tournament, Ludwig lost a crucial Melee match at DougDoug's event, and how Ludwig haunted Aiden in his dreams...

Hey you. Yeah. Yeah, it's you. I'm looking at you and I know your mom personally. She's hot. We're wearing, she's hot. She's extremely hot. We're making merch! Oh, again? It's new merch. Again? And it comes out this Friday. Look, this is a hoodie, but it has a little pouch for all your stuff. And oh my god, what I got in here, I got a banana peel!

Yo! Woo! It's like Marion Karn. With proof of purchase. Don't slip! You can take it back. Also, this is a pouchless shirt, and it feels really good. It's really just a normal... And it's got a design on the back.

Normal shirt that's Aiden with his shirt. Aiden with the overalls on. Aiden with his shirt. These are denim overalls that I washed Slime's blood out of. Wait, does the... What is the little... After I beat you in your backyard. No!

He didn't do that. What does the strap say? It says yard work. Yard work. It's ours. We made it. That's our landscaping company that we went to your mom's house with. And we landscaped your mom's house, and her house is her body.

And if you want to buy this merch, it comes out Friday. But if you're a tier three Patreon member, it's live right now. You can get it right now and gobble it all up with your green little nasty mouth. It was just your yard. It was just your yard. He's being green. He's being so green. member it's live right now get it right now and gobble it all up with your green either way enjoy the podcast episode with your four favorite boys who all love your mom That's too much. That's so much. What? That's how much you make? That's just way too much. And cash. I think that's how much cash they have.

That's just too much. Why would they have that much cash? No one uses cash anymore. Because they got like a secret cash drawer. You think the 7-Eleven cash drawer? We had one. At 7-Eleven? No, at the substation I used to work at.

At Mobile Moves? At my old market shop. You had a secret cash drawer. Yeah. Well, actually what he would do. And you knew about it. Is he would take every tip and he'd put it into a big jar. And he said, I'm going to buy my wife a ring with this.

Was that the tip jar? My girlfriend a ring at that time. No. It was his tip jar. That's an unethical goal, I think. You make around 30K plus or more per year. What is this? Owning a 7-Eleven.

Yeah, but we're so worried about owning it. What about robbing it? Because you can own one a year. You can rob one a day. Yeah, but we're so worried about owning it. What about robbing it? Because you can own one a year. You can rob one a day. Yeah, but you run out. Teach a man to fish. But they're like apples on a tree. You don't run out.

You go to Japan. And you rob every 7-Eleven. They have so many convenience. And you hit the family marts, too. It'd be so easy to rob a Japanese convenience store. Business shirts. I wouldn't rob a family mart. Some spam musubi. Take it all. I think it'd be one of the easiest things to rob is a Japanese convenience store. They have a couple business shirts. I wouldn't rob a family mart. Some Spam Musubi.

Take it all. I think it'd be one of the easiest things to rob is a Japanese convenience store. Speaking of fucking. Well, you could just ask for it all. Speaking of robbing me. Uh-huh. Bro. What?

I'm mad. I'm mad at you. Dream Ludwig. Finally. Finally. I'm mad at Dream Aiden. Yeah, he's mad at Dream Aiden. I like Dream Ludwig.

I like Dream Ludwig. Dude, in my dream. We don't fuck. You don't get to do this. I'm were a baller you fleeced Nick Jonas for 60 million in a game of poker it was crazy well you mad at him and then and then because I went up to you after I'm like dude 60 million you looked at me and you were like, you could do it too. And then I went to the poker table that evening and I lost all my money. Yeah, but you could do it.

I'm not saying you were going to. Is it your brain trying to rationalize the crypto thing between you guys? Oh, when he fucked me over by telling me to buy Ethereum? Exactly. I didn't tell him to buy it. Ludd tells you to go to the poker table. You do it on your own will. You lose your money.

And then he said, you say you fucked him. That's what happened with him. That's what I did to you. You fucked him. Then you did fuck me. Time is a flat circle. You know what? You fucked yourself. You fucked yourself. 60 million, that's a lot. It is a lot.

Not in dream money. I don't even think Nick Jonas has that much money. I was thinking about this. When I woke up, I was thinking about this. I was like, I don't know if Nick Jonas has 60 million dollars. Definitely not. That's a lot of fucking money. In dream money, it's not that much.

It says he's worth 80 million on celebritynetwork.com. I don't buy it. No. I don't buy it. Is that Rosario Dawson next to him? celebritynetwork.com? I don't buy it. No.

I don't buy it. Is that Rosario Dawson next to him? There's no way Nick Jonas has 60 mil liquid to lose to Ludwig in a poker game. He doesn't even have a,

he doesn't have a girlfriend anymore. No hoes, no bands. Which are priceless. Which are priceless. That's where the extra 20 mil came from. Yeah.

They did price his. They priced the ad. It was worth $20 million, which is a great price. It's a good number. For a breathtaking woman. For any human. Also, your dream logic is that simply you can be like Ludwig and simply boat up on the

river and stack Nick Jonas's. I know. I did think about this too. Wait, was it Nick Jonas again? Huh? Was it Nick Jonas again? No, no. I just went to like a random game. I was at a place that was essentially the bike. You're in your own fucking dream. You didn't go play with Nick Jonas again? Huh? Was it Nick Jonas again? No, no. I just went to like a random game.

I was at a place that was essentially the bike. You're in your own fucking dream. You didn't go play with Nick Jonas? I probably wouldn't want to play with him. I didn't have the social capital to play with Nick Jonas in my dream. This is how you really get the money from Nick Jonas. What the fuck is this? Nick Jonas working at a 7-Eleven?

Audio listeners, he pulled out a magnum weapon that he has Pulled out a gun It's made in Taiwan, that's kind of fun Nick pointed this at me as soon as I walked in the door and I just stared down the barrel like yup, what are we doing

I like that Taiwan is making fucking computer chips and fake revolvers Yeah, this is crazy AMD processors and these I like that Taiwan is making fucking computer chips and fake revolvers. Yeah, this is crazy. AMD processors and these. It's the big two. And these ones make way more than processors.

Also, this also a geopolitical issue right now. Yeah, dude, China took back the pandas. Did you see? It's getting bad. China. Well, to be clear, you know how it works. They own every panda. Yeah, but they took them back all at once. That means we're not chill anymore.

They took them like all the time. We were chill. China and the US were chill up until four days ago when they took the pandas. They did like the Olimar whistle. Yeah. And all the pandas were like, okay. They climbed up into the onion and flew back to China. They all explode in captivity.

They climbed up into the onion and flew past China. They all explode in captivity. Dude, it's like if you told everyone around the office that we're no longer allowed to slut out Nick Yingling, and you took him back. Right. I would do that if that was happening. We're not allowed to trick him out and turn him out. If this was happening, I would do that. I'm tricking him out right now.

But because we have good will with Fluttershy. Right. It's called soft power. I don't want it. Does it count as tricking him out if he's destroying my reputation in game? It's true soft power. I don't want it. Does it count as checking him out if he's destroying my reputation in-game? It's true. He is doing this.

Why is he doing this? Do you guys not know about this? No. So I got invited to a Call of Duty event. And it's with a lot of the old and current optic pros and then some regular Call of Duty pros. And it's a 4v4 search and destroy tournament. Hitch.

Oh, cool. Our fire is white. Yeah, our fire is now. and it's a 4v4 search and destroy tournament Hitch oh cool our fire is white yeah our fire is now 6,000 anyway it was real fire the whole time anyway so I'm in this Call of Duty tournament

so my team is me, Call of Duty legend arguably, Clayster big name apparently people know him actually legend apparently people know this guy uh call of duty legend uh aiden a-y-d-a-n who is like one of the best like warzone players very good he interviewed kim jong-il earlier earlier this year. Every Aiden goes back to Aiden Ross. And then Mango. C9's very own. C9's very own Call of Duty legend, Mango.

And so we got told about this tournament maybe like a month and a half ago, maybe longer. We all accepted it. A day before the tournament, Hitch posts the times. He's like, all right, guys, game one is at this time.

And he goes, Mango goes, that's Joey's birthday. I can't go. Joey's birthday being the whole day. Yeah. And Hitch is like, does anyone have a sub for that day? And I'm like, Nicholas Yingling. I have Nicholas Yingling. So I messaged Yingling.

I'm like, hey, you want to get on COD and play this event? And he's like, yeah. So Yingling gets on. We play our first day yesterday. We went one and one with Nick Yingling. I'm like, hey, you want to get on COD and play this event? And he's like, yeah. So Yingling gets on. We play our first day yesterday. We went one and one with Nick Yingling. It was great. Today is day two of the tournament. Mango tells the TO, can't make that day either.

I have to do my podcast. That's bad. The prize pool for this event is $150,000. And he has missed two of the five days. You can't count on the goat. It's five days? Yes. That's a ridiculous event.

It's a lot. Are people watching? Yeah. How many? Five days? I don't know, I wasn't watching the stream. It's a new, I think Modern Warfare 3 just came out, right? So people just want to see the new game.

You're like capitalizing on that viewership too. And I'm sure they have some sort of like deliverables because they're partnering with like the game. And Pringles and all kinds of shit. Okay. Yeah. How did day two go? Day two is today.

Oh, you haven't done it yet? No. But yesterday we played, we had one-on-one. We beat like Optic, Hex, and Hutch. Beat their team. Oh, the old men of Optic? No. But yesterday we played, we had one-on-one. We beat, like, Optic, Hex, and Hutch beat their team. Oh, the old men of Optic? The old men of Optic. And then we lost game five to a pretty fucking stacked team. Not a clutch, I've always said that.

Yeah. You know, so does this mean that, should I hold off on tricking out Yingling? Yeah, until the tournament's over. You should never trick out Yingling. I said it. There we go. Okay. I'm taking back my panda. I'm taking back my panda. I take back my panda. Okay Yingling. I said it there we go. Okay

Right now yeah, I'm taking back my panda. I don't like that. What is the panda? It's me whistling. What is the panda in each other's lives yours is Nick Yingling? Uh-huh? What is your panda in my life? What is it? An exercise of soft power and goodwill that I can at any time take away Zipper 2 hold on your panda in my life is my girlfriend is your long time girlfriend of nearly a decade

he could take it back anytime let's be clear the only panda that Zipper 2 is to is to Dawson that's not fair. I hate that he gets that. I hate that he gets zipper two.

You haven't put the hours in. She is so in on it now, too. The amount of jokes. We'll be in a private room with the lights off behind closed doors, locked closed doors and an undisclosed location. And she'll be like, I was with Dawson all day. And I'm like, he can't hear you. You don't have to do the bit.

No, Dawson's going to feed stuff of this like an animal for the next 70 years. Yeah, so Dawson's dating my girlfriend. My wife's boyfriend. And he's goth. And he's goth. In an interesting twist, what's your panda to our lives? Your soft power.

Oh, mine is the work of the yard. Oh, yeah. I would take up the mantle. Is that, I don't think that's soft power. I would beast on this shit. You would beast on that shit, so it is soft power. You'd beast on that shit. Because the thing is, America.

You'd beast on that shit. Yes, I would beast on this shit. America can't replace pandas. We can only paint bears that color. But if if I if you were to take your panda away, I would just simply He tries to light the D&D set and it's just it's just a 12-hour stream You'd watch a video Lighting a set first thing that pops up is a streamer. How to light your stream room.

He's like, yeah, okay, fuck it. Oh, he's so LED'd out. Yeah, he clicks it. What's up, guys? It's the D&D set, but with those like RGB triangles on the back of the wall. The leaf on the wall. Well, step one, step one. If you took over, what episode are we at?

If we took over, what episode are we at? You take over, you take over. You have to do all the work. We're at 122. Wow, he's right. What? Don't make a fucking confused dumb face when he's right. You stupid dumb face you have.

Don't make a dumb face. You look stupid. You know what? Your soft power is over us. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Nothing. No, he has soft power. My love. You could take away his life. That's not... No. It's like, I'll show you guys. I was trying to make it do the click noise.

I'll fucking show you. And then we'd run out of our easy out of stuff to talk about. Oh my god, yeah. You are a magnet for just... Dude. My hate. I posted a picture of me on our old set on Twitter yesterday. And every other comment

is about how people want me to be fat now. Dude, I do want you to be fat. Let's go. You're already on your way. You're skipping the gym every fucking day. Where were you yesterday? Sunday? I did weight and pull-ups yesterday. Where was I Sunday? Sunday?

There's one answer that everyone should say. God's day. Where was I Sunday? I mean, there's one answer that everyone should say. God's day. Where was I? I was at... Ludwig was at church. I was at church. Thank you, God-fearing man. And I don't work out on that day.

I'm sorry. I'm not going to shake your hand because you weren't there. Can you... Actually, I'll send it to you. Ludwig wears a priest outfit like in that Mark Wahlberg movie where he's a priest. Can I ask you a question, Aiden? Yeah. Yeah.

What are you going to ask me? So you've been gone all week. You've been missing the gym. Me and Shake have been getting big. You sent me a picture while you were gone. Yeah. And you said, it's Sarah's birthday. And it was you and a bunch of people who I didn't recognize.

Who's Sarah? Sarah is somebody who doesn't know who you are. I went to calgary last week and uh two of my uh two of my old friends there uh took me we we like went out for the day got dinner and then they were like hey do you want to come to a friend's birthday party and i was like sure let's go somebody's birthday it's like this's really, like group of like 10 to 12, like really close friends and their significant others.

But it's just going to be a birthday party. So that's fine. She comes in last, knows that there's going to be a birthday party and she flashes an engagement ring. This is like turning, everybody's like screaming, giving hugs.

You know, some people, I'm giving hugs. You know, you know some people Yes, that's kind of weird I think it's fine is it no no that's genius by the by the guy to double Oh, no, that's not genius lazy genius the game. What is is what it's working smarter not harbor No, but that's not genius. It's lazy. Genius of the game. What is working smarter, not harbor? Honey, I've decided to change your birthday to Christmas and our anniversary. I want to be Beast.

Dude, it'd be such a cool day. Present day. Like that day, present day would go so much harder than Christmas. Yeah. There's a PS6. Like more days than one big day. Dude, you should propose to Cutie on like Taylor Swift's birthday. Oh!

And then she would have to like celebrate both. Because that's not really doubling up. Do you think proposing on Valentine's Day is cringe? Yeah. Oh yeah. No, it's the day of love. No, that's crazy you said that. Do you know how much I love you? I want to marry you. You love 1-800-

Imagine that. And they're like, aw. And I've proved it by going to 1-800-roses.com No, I would go to 1-800-wedding-ring.com Because why would I buy a ring on a flower site? Yeah, that's a good point. by going to 1-800-roses.com. No, I would go to 1-800-wedding-ring.com. Why would I buy a ring on a flower site? Yeah, that's a good point. So use your noggin a little bit. So she got proposed to, it's her birthday.

And it's just funny that I'm there because I don't know her at all, and it's a small room. Like, this isn't a large party. Yes, just Aiden is there. It's like all, it's like the most important people in her life and me hi hi earlier that day i uh these two friends that i was with they have known me since i was literally three years old like i've known them my entire life and i got recognized uh when we were

out and so they were mercilessly making fun of me for this. They're buzzing off that. Yeah. And then at the party, they tell everybody that I got recognized and they have no idea who I am. One person knows who I am, but nobody else has any clue. Nobody knows. And everybody's like, he works for Ludwig. And it's like a, it's like a big joke that I work for like a YouTuber and it, it is constantly brought up through the evening. I've been bullied by a room full of people that I don't know. By Canadians.

This is essentially what Nick Yingling what you do to Nick Yingling on Valorant queues. Yes. Yeah. So welcome to hell, bitch. I'm the victim of my own prank, so I deserve it. And then the engaged girl in question was like, he was like, say hi, like, say hi

to Ludwig for me. It was like, or get Ludwig to say happy birthday to me. And I sent you that text. Yeah, I got it. And I was like, say hi, like say hi to Ludwig for me. It was like, or get Ludwig to say happy birthday to me. And I sent you that text. Yeah, I got it. And I was like, I don't, I feel like I should remember her. It's also funny because I say like Sarah's birthday. You don't know who she is. And there's also four women in the picture.

So it's like, even if you were guessing. Can I take a guess? Yeah. Which one's Sarah? Because this is the pic I got. Okay. Where he said it's Sarah's birthday, exclamation point. It's so clear.

And I went, happy birthday, Sarah. Is it so clear? I want you to guess who Sarah is. It's the one that's hugging you. I guess I will double down on that answer because it makes sense based off the- We also can't show the people on this. Yeah. This is a bad segment, so we need to get through it.

This is stupid because she literally has an engagement ring on. Yeah. Oh. There you go. So you're a famous guy we need to get through it. This is stupid because she literally has an engagement ring on. Yeah. Oh. There you go. So you're a famous guy, and you get bullied for it. Meanwhile, Yingling's out on the street. Mm-hmm. Tricking himself out.

Just doing whatever he can. He's just down on the street. He's tricking himself out. Yeah, he's efficient. He's bottom-fragging. He's bottom-fragging every game of this tournament. He's getting almost no kills. Is he bottom-fragging?

What a narc. His in-game name in Call of Duty. Oh, I forgot this part. Aiden Calvin. I did forget that part. There's a screenshot. There's a screenshot from Clayster's chat, and it says this Aiden Calvin guy is ass. Oh my god, that's so sick.

And Yingling said from the very beginning of the tournament, it doesn't matter how I do, because everyone will blame Aiden. And he's right. When I bought Street Fighter 6 and made my online account, my name is Nick Yingling. Wow. It's an epidemic. Well, we met. So one of our pros' names is Aiden.

And we joined the game and he saw Nick Yingling's gamer tag, which is Aiden Calvin. And he goes, oh, man, is your name Aiden? And Nick goes, well, no, my name is Nick. But my name is also Nick. So he goes, my name's Nick, but my name is also Nick. So he goes, my name's Nick and his name is Nick, but my in-game name is Aiden,

but you can call me Yingling and you can call him Nick, although his name is Envy. Yingling should have just said, yep. Do you guys want to know what race I hate the most? It's not in him to lie or hate races.

Well, it is in Aiden's. He's being Aiden. Yeah, he's cosplaying. It's like Halloween. Also, in the name of catfishing as Aiden, Zipper, can you bring up the link I sent you? We were playing Game Battles last night, which is like Call of Duty's like MLG site for playing.

You're back. You're a gamer now. I'm a little back for this tournament. I'll go into the boys discord and it's like fucking 6 a.m. I know. And it's fucking streaming to the boys. Shake dead ass finishes run and he got like lunch and then he sat down and the first thing he throws on is discord call duty gameplay it's a 24 7 channel yeah it's nick 24 7 nick 24 you're like the ridiculousness of of

tv for discord that's a compliment so you're this is my go scroll up game battles my game i'm dude i'm zurges and my photo Aiden. You would make this photo slightly worse. When this photo got dropped in the family group chat, what made it slightly worse is it still has the Coke under my nose, like the fake Coke. Oh, that's what that picture was. It's baking soda. Yeah, right.

You were doing that. Yeah, yeah. Fat Aiden does Coke. You would think it would help him slim down, but he puts in the work. Some of my match history. It's not going well. Me, Kyle, and Yingling.

No, we were doing great when I was on the other team. When I was playing with Team Summertime, we were doing great. But when I was on Kyle's team last night, it was not good. So how much money is up top for you to win? At this event? Yeah. I think like as an individual somewhere, I don't know, like 20 grand or something. That's a lot of grand.

Yeah, that is crazy. Yeah. Do you think you have a shot? Yeah, we think like as an individual somewhere. I don't know like 20 grand. That's a lot of great. Yeah, that is crazy Yeah, well, I think you have it a shot. Yeah, we've shot. That's crazy I'm playing in a game five with one of the best teams for OTK and there's 10k total Broke shit. Yeah, I think like individually I can win 500 which is gonna be lit. Here's how you can get some more What's up? You know what's crazy about the tournament? What's crazy is that they give 10k alone to the best clip of the event. Oh! So, so many. It's like I'm like twitching out.

I'm like, dude, so many people are just going for clips in this event because they want just the individual money. That's so sick. What a good idea. Yeah, that's sick. Bad idea for your teammates. Oh my God, yes. I'd be so annoyed.

Imagine. Because people are like, I'm going to play Sniper in this event because I'm going to try to get a clip. Yeah. I like the idea, though, of trying to alley-oop, like shake-and-bake style.

Yeah. I mean, if you set up someone's clip, you should get broken off a little bit. Our team has a couple clips, none of them for me and Nick Yingling. But yeah, our main pro was like dicing a guy running directly at him. He's missing all of his shots on him and knifed him.

It was pretty sick. That's so fun. Gaming is fun. It was Aiden. But hey, new Call of Duty, good game. That's great. Not good for my brain. Don't do this.

What? Don't support. Don't get the kiddos on call. Don't support. Stop it. You're playing games that'll look like they're made for kids. You talked about how your life was so crazy. Look at the fruit. No, they turned a bigger fruit.

How good your life was when you quit gaming and now you're back. You're back all the way. He's back for the bread though. If he earns 20k by gaming. If it's for bread, is it worth it? It's a lie, i'll tell you it's not a lie it's your you're back for the bread is that why you've been back for events i play events when i get invited to events is that why you've been guarding chess as well you're narking you're narking that was an arc let a guy play chess in the i'm just saying he's back to gaming i'm not gonna buy his it's for the bread

chess gaming it is oh my god yes it's it's Well, you'll be happy to know I'm back to retired on chess because I think I'm at a score. I'm only, I told Jake Drizzles, I get on when Tyler1 passes my ELO. And I regain my ELO to not be behind Tyler1 anymore.

Are you playing the same category as him? Yeah. You're playing rapid? Uh-huh. I'm 1600 rapid and Tyler1 fell from 1500 to 1300. Yeah, categories him. Yeah, you're playing rapid. Huh? Hmm. I'm 1600 rapid, huh? And Tyler one fell from 1500 to 1300

And so I'm good now for a while This is like a dream where you're running away from from a fast crab. You can't run away. We'll catch you Yeah, I posted the the meme from Sonic Adventure 2 battle of the bus bus But you Tyler does outrace the bus. Sonic, that is. Not in my fantasy. In my fantasy, Sonic inflates bigger and bigger and he can't run anymore. It's the first Sonic level and he just gets hit by the bus. Yeah, he gets really big and big and inflated and he gets run over by the bus.

And the bus has a penis. And then they have sex. Yeah. It's the classic burger Sonic headcanon. Everyone goes through this who grew up in this year. There's going to be a day where I play in both the rivals event for off-brand and the Call of Duty event Double time mmm came in day. Oh, yeah, you're day. That's Wednesday. Yes. It's going to be swag Oh speaking of gaming, bro. I went to we me and Josh

Oh shit, we went to the function which is a New York tournament, which was very fun. Do you like New York? Yeah, no, you're great there's pizza he's been in new york so many times he's great all right do you have like a place a place yeah yeah it's wherever the tournament that's happening is okay okay i know you don't know this is your a problem but you're shaking your legs and you're wearing parachute pants and it's making a static sound and you have to stop. I'm going to lose my fucking mind. And he's hearing too many audios at the same time. And you have to stop. And what you're doing right now is you're

okay, don't do it. Don't pout and then do it a little bit. Don't pout and then jiggle a little bit. I have unmedicated ADHD. Okay, I don't understand. I don't understand, but if you were wearing different pants, it would be fine. That's fair. But your pants sound like when Spongebob walks. So does everyone who plays fucking Valorant in pants, it would be fine. That's fair. Your pants sound like when SpongeBob walks. So does everyone who plays fucking Valorant in their 20s.

Aiden, get over yourself. Dude, OK. So we go to this tournament. Me and Josh, like on a whim, we're like, maybe we can finesse our way in. We message a T.O. He's like, yeah, you guys can come. I'm like, OK, we buy flights. We go for a day.

Dead ass. We go for it. We show up on Thursday night or Friday night play Saturday and then leave Sunday morning I go and I'm fucking sitting there waiting to start the tournament and uh this guy comes up to me and he's like yo you're a lot taller than you look in person and I'm like and I said to him verbatim I was like I love hearing that thing that people say all the time a lot and he's like kind of understood that that was annoying. And he's like, ah, it's cool, though, because you're like you're slime.

That's a true follow up. Yeah. I was like, yeah, yeah. What does that mean? And he was kind of confused by me asking that. And then he's like, oh, I don't know. Like, you know, you're slime. And I'm like, this conversation is annoying right you know you're slime and i'm like this conversation

is annoying right now i don't want to be in this conversation anymore i would like to end this conversation and he's like okay okay sure and then this failure and it's like it's like all right whatever man that's fine and then so the tournament starts i play a peach player I forget his name I feel bad because he's really good and I fucking I lose

and then my first round was it Guava? no it wasn't Guava Guava's such a sweetheart by the way the New York scene is so fun everyone's really nice

and I go into losers and who rocks up my losers round one none other than Guy who I just talked to oh man and he fucking cooks me he cooks me as falco was nice with it how are you feeling in that moment oh really good i felt really good but you look tall in that moment oh god it hurts oh my god

and i was like this can never happen again i have to be better than the people who will do this i have to be you have to so now i'm just now it's hour a day on the fucking uncle punch i don't give a fuck he does have josh in the house now that might he taught me how to practice efficiently he sits there he calls me stupid i call him many other things right mostly much more hurtful much more hurtful i definitely go over the line yeah not safe for tv you can't stay on this show i i make sure that he knows that my goal is to hurt his feelings with my words and uh and then he comes and he sits back down again like a cat like a cat so that that was but other than that was a

fun trip you were you were defended californ California still came out on top S2J came And he fucking took A hot nasty dump All over Brooklyn, New York Did Joshie do good? Joshie got ninth He lost to Magi It was a pretty big tournament

He lost to fucking Slug and Magi To get ninth I mean those are good people Yeah It was really stacked Slug came back Slug came back

Dude Magi was in the hotel room That night So we John Coe had a room And he let us stay in there And we're just like Terrorizing John Coe was it a slug came back it's like came back dude magi was in the hotel room that night so we john co had a room and he let us stay in there and we're just like terrorizing john co just like asking him questions about his life just jumping around like animals and uh cadoran josh is like okay i'm bored i want to turn on the tv and he turns on the television and it's always sunny in philadelphia in the hotel room and john co i shit you not looks at it and he's like what's this and I was like

he's never he's never it was just like crazy to me how old is he 24 oh he doesn't know 38 years old even though I thought he'd be like 19 I still think either way

so that was fun but Magi was up it was like four in the morning. We're trying to go to sleep. Magi just wants to hang out, and she has a sleep schedule where she sleeps at like 7 a.m. Dude, Magi's sleep schedule is fucked. It's fucking wild, yeah. She'll stay up when the sun comes up, and now it's time.

She has a very polite-esque sleep schedule. His sleep schedule's fucked. Polite the person, not polite like it's courteous. He watches this place at night like he makes sure Nick Engling's safe when he comes back in He's going for a night at the museum type thing Yeah, and she's just like, Josh is like trying

to go to sleep and she's like, Josh Josh, Josh, what's your favorite soda? And he's like Please God, fucking stop. You know what, Josh deserves this. I know, because he does the same thing to everyone else soda and he's like you know what josh deserves i know because he does the same he does the same thing to everyone else and he's like but he's like magic please and she's like what's your favorite so he's like pepsi max it's in australia it's like diet pepsi but it's like it's pepsi max okay josh look at this picture on my phone and he's like please stop it was very

funny and finally uh finally he was like, you got to go. You got to go. But it's funny. The person that knocked him out of tournament is just terrorizing him at four in the morning. Yeah. Look at this funny video. It's me playing you. You both got diced by your terrorizers.

Yeah. Wow. Mint Mobile is a sponsor of today's podcast. You don't pay extra for the cost of traditional retail because Mint Mobile takes the process online, making it fast and easy, like Nick Engling. Mint Mobile offers premium wireless for just $15 a month. And let me tell you something. Do you know what a suitcase is?

Yeah, I know what a suitcase is. Yeah. You use a travel or... Yeah, but the way that they use the phrase in jail. Do you know what that is? Wow, nope. No. A suitcase is a small compartment

in which to put something in your asshole and take with you if you need a toothbrush or a shiv or a mint mobile telephone. Telephone. And that's the thing, it's only $15 a month, which I'm sure you can manage if you were in jail. So if you are listening to this in prison, which we have gotten confirmed DMs from people that do listen to you were in jail. So if you are listening to this in prison, which we have gotten confirmed

DMs from people that do listen to the Yard podcast in jail, I am their favorite. I'm not kidding. That makes sense because you seem like the most likely to be with them. One day you'll be there too. I want all of my boys in the Yard to understand

that $15 a month is very affordable for all of you know that your friends are just the plan not just a suitcase plan unlimited talking text and high-speed data in prison that's pretty valuable that's pretty good unreal right you can use cash app to gamble with the other guys in your block um so anyway the get the plan shipped to your door or your cell for free by going to mintmobile.com slash theyard. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month, Aiden. Mintmobile.com slash theyard.

And now, let's bring Ludwig back. I got terrorized. What happened to you? I got terrorized by one Nathan Stans. Nathan Stans terrorized you? Yeah, he did. He has it in him? I did the Doug Doug Shuffle-thon. Yes, I saw.

I saw the big set. Which had a big, beautiful set, and Doug Doug put a lot-thon. Yes, I saw. I saw the big set. Which was a, it had a big, beautiful set and Doug Doug put a lot of time into it and the idea is you play a game like Melee or Mario Kart and it swaps between

five different iterations and you have to win like three of them. And I played against Stans in Melee and then, but Doug Doug knew that I was,

you know, had a bit of Melee background so he was like, no puff. I was like, alright. I'm like, oh, we'll do Fox today. So you shit terrible nasty Great Fox

You do have a green Fox Tournament ready Fox They go the shakes layer comes out and then he goes he goes ah Can't have Fox it. Oh, it's not easy for viewers to tell the foxes apart and i'm like i don't know don't tell me passion fruit comes out i don't know if i agree oh not passion and so then and so then i'm sitting there i'm like i don't know who to do and stan's like i'm going donkey kong okay and i'm like okay uh like i can maybe go Mars. He's like ah Kind of fucked isn't it? What is this shit? Why do you think it's hard for Marth? And so I'm like and so I'm like ah I'll go Captain Falcon. He's like okay. How many games of Captain Falcon have you ever played?

Wait is Doug Doug telling you this? Uh-huh Doug Doug is telling you this? This is me and Stans coming to an agreement on the two characters because I can't do puff and Fox cities aren't allowed yeah, and Stan's won't let me go Fox and him a second, you know, tertiary. So it ends up being Falcon, Donkey Kong. It's a great matchup. And then it's third party

controllers only. There's no shield dropping. And I'm a shield dropping spammer. And they need to use it for their software. Nintendo's got their eye on that shit uh and then uh you know it's items all which is fine it's part of it like every every stage is different i like pokemon stadium only has pokeballs but then stands just like did he play lame he just oh no no no no he didn't play lame he just he found a few openings he got a few openings.

He got a few wins. And then he just does dumb shit. Like, he just went for a forward air with Donkey Kong. Has like 80 frames of windup. And I just panicked. And it just hit. And I just died. And I lost the stands.

He got in your melee. And we were out melee round one. And they had not stopped talking about it the whole show. Oh, you're a Smash player, aren't you? Hey, aren't you a Smash player? This is so dumb. I'm on your side. I'm on your side. This is so dumb. Oh, God.

I'm having flashbacks. I'm having flashbacks to all the times I've been put in similar situations. This is horrible. Hey, Madden's on... They're like, someone's playing Madden in the living room. Hey, you're good at games. You play video games? Play my son in football He plays this game

Every single day Play my son Hey be the Baltimore Ravens Come on Go on do it You lost Come on do it Do it

Wow This is it This was like a I pulled out the gun We went to this We went to this Patreon dinner And the woman next to me

Was asking me She said her little brother Plays video games And she thought it was cool. We went to tournaments and she was like, do you know if there's any 2K tournaments he could go to? And I was like, I got no fucking idea. No, just hit up Mario's Mindset and Flight 23 White

and he'll get right. Just DM. DM Flight, he'll put you on the team. He'll always answer. Yeah, I got my revenge though, because they had Mario Kart and then I made everyone I played do Beerio Kart for 100. Holy shit.

I just smurfed on them. Which Mario Kart? It was Double Dash. Oh, good. And it was just 5-0, 5-0. Quick 100 from Alpharad. Yep. Quick 100 from Doug Doug.

It felt good. Theater kids can't hold their liquor like you. I think that's a compliment. It is. Yes, sir. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It is. Yes, sir. It's a compliment. That was squeaks. I did at one point.

He said, damn, you're like one of your biggest skills is drinking. And I was like, I guess comparatively. Yeah. Oh, also, I destroyed stands on Twitter by accident. Why? I ratioed his dumb fucking dumbass. So it was by accident, but you called him a dumb fucking dumbass. Kinda.

He was like, does anyone build like buy pre-built now or do I just build a computer? But he was leaning toward buying a pre-built. And I just replied to that and just said, build something with your hands for once. Right. And then that double 2.5x ratio. You're counting the ratio? I just thought it was crazy. It doesn't count.

I was like, why? It's an odd accident. No, it counts even more. You know. You know you're going to do that to him. No, I didn't know. I didn't know it would go crazy like that. I was just making fun of him for having soft hands.

Soft baby hands. Like yours, Aiden. Milky skin. Milky white. Stands as the... Oh, they're soft. What's her name? Kirsten Dunst.

Hillary Clinton. Of Twitter? Thank you all for watching The Yard. That's going to wrap up this episode. A little bit early today. Is there any amount of... Can we do Mario Kart Wii, Beerio Kart, me versus you?

But there's some sort of beer handicap. I have to drink enough beers to make it even. It's Mario Kart Wii. Yeah, but I have to drink enough beers to make it even we could it's mario kart we yeah but i have to drink like two or three instead of one i think we do the shuffler we do 10 different mario kart races yes 10 different beers and you have to drink the corresponding beer to the race you're on so when you start race one that's beer one yeah and then you need to finish each beer before that specific race. I have a, I have a, uh, modifying for this.

So beer, your cart, everything's normal. Same amount of beer, each, both of you. Aiden has the Amaranth yeast beer. Oh, so it's, is it made from her pussy? How does it work? That's what they say. Why are you looking at me? And please tell us.

It's like CNN. So, Aiden, I hear that there's pussy yeast in the beer, please. Yes, that's right, son. Yes, Margaret. In the beer. I think it's fake. She just can't have that much yeast, bro. Dude, I don't think you can legally do that surely not

i mean what is a law what is legality if the fda is not stepping in to do something there what does that agency do i think that's what is that for it's great it's clean cheap yeast it's good they can go it's it's they test it They collect a vaginal smear from the models and Then there's like it's Einstein bagels. They'll call it that. Then they isolate the bacteria And multiply it. Clean and analyze and multiply the pussy bacteria. Can we just make can we let's just Clean analyze and multiply it like my balls. Let's just stop, analyze and multiply it. Like my pocket. I feel like there, it's like the equivalent of like chemical X in the power puff girls. And they just want to drop of it.

And then the rest is like regular beer stuff. I mean, that's enough to quantify what they're saying. Yes. But I don't think, you know, every beer has its own, you know,

a handful of pussy in it. I hope that's not what the power puff girls were made from. Uh, uh, amaranth around when that pussy in it. I hope that's not what the Powerpuff Girls were made from. Was Amaranth around when that show came out? I don't think so. I like the idea that it's like Coors, but instead of mountains, it's a big pussy in the background, and if the pussies are blue, you know it's ready to drink. If the pussy's wet, it's ready

to drink. I'm imagining going to like a Lawless, and you're at a brewery, and there's just ammo in the back like in the factory Swabbing it. Zipper can we see the website? You can see the whole process Zipper is like debating on- Oh my god! Oh what the- Oh! Wait these are just stock photos of naked women. Yeah, that's just a big naked woman. Your object of desire

Wait what is this? This is a beer website. This is a naked women. Yeah. That's just a big naked woman. Object of desire. Wait, what is this? This is the beer website. This is a naked woman, Aiden. Yeah, this is. It's a woman without clothes. Yeah, so when women take their clothes off, this is what they look like. Yeah.

This is the beer website. Yes. This was definitely made with Squarespace. This is porn. So it's like if you're horny, but you want beer now, but also later because it has to get delivered. Also because it's seasonal. Do they have like pumpkin spice pussy beer? Yeah.

They just have to drink only pumpkin spice. It's like Wagyu. Starbucks with the olive oil pussy beer. Yeah. It makes you go poop on that. They got the A5 pussy beer. Yeah. Only for girls meaning good.

We're back up to old tricks, aren't we, boys? What is the old trick? We're back up to old tricks aren't we boys what is the old trick we're back up to our old tricks you get it yeah don't make me repeat myself just talking to chit chat about pussy beer i don't know why he does that to you i don't know why your weirdly long laces are untied and it's distracting me they are weirdly long they're so long i stole these shoes from name your price i gotta from Name Your Price. We need to come together on something. This is a serious discussion topic, which means obviously it won't

be that serious, but I do think it is. We've given Ludwig a lot of shit. What do we think of the mustache? It's been growing for a while now. He's been stalwartly keeping it. Don't smirk like that. Shut the fuck up, Ludwig! Smile with both sides of your mouth. Turn the fuck around right now. She doesn't want to do it. Don't smirk like that. Shut the fuck up, Ludwig! Smile with both sides of your mouth. Turn the fuck around right now.

She doesn't want to do it. He's shaking. He doesn't want to do it. Oh my god. Am I under arrest? I thought you were going to shave it. What happened? What do you mean what happened? I would like to say and maybe I can be a trailblazer

here. Unfortunately, it looks a lot better than it did, and I think it's actually pretty acceptable. I want Ludwig to get a wolf cut, and I want him to have really long hair and have the mustache. Okay. He posted his name, his price outfit on Instagram, and I looked at that, and I was like, he's hot.

He's hot? He's very hot. Ludwig wins again you win again just by being genetically superior just a nice mustache

and 60 million dollars richer I thanks Jonas I want to keep it for Movember Movember are you

are you oh right you know Movember you don't shave for all of November why all I call it that Men's rights is no it is. It's men's men's health. Yeah the health of their right It's part of my health Tampons and Coors Light to be the same price fucking finally we say it and also

prohibited I think anyone be the same price. Fucking finally we say it. And also prohibited to anyone under 20. The value of the man's vote has been diluted since 1920. Because women can vote now. That's right. That's what November's all about. We got zucked.

Nobody talks about how we got zucked. We got zucked, dude. The proportional vote was more valuable. So wait, November is... Why is it always November? It's like there's NaNoWriMo. It's Movember. It's an annual event.

It's for growing mustache and raise awareness of men's health issues such as prostate cancer. Check your balls to say it's working right now. And men's suicide. What's working? Like you asked what's Movember and now you know what it's... Now I remember about prostate cancer. It's for? Like you asked, what's Movember? And now you know what it's for. Now I remember about cross-staking. It's for mustache in November. Is it just mustache?

Mustache only. I thought it was Moe-shaven. No, that means more shaving. No, it's Moe-bamba. No. I was going to get there. I was going to get there. Sorry.

So you use a mustache all day, but then you're also not jacking off, and then also you're writing a novel. These are all the things society... November is the month that we all... We should check on what babies get born nine months from November. What the fuck's happening?

They say you're not supposed to... No, no, November, you're not supposed to have sex either, right? I don't know. It depends on how you want to play it. I'm pretty sure you are, right? Hey, come and get me, officer. Come and get me. Come and get him.

Come and get him. Hey, call the police. I'll just have sex with them. Call the police. I'll just have sex with them. I won police. I'll just have sex with them. And I won't come. I won't come, though. One call to Dawson and it's over.

I'll edge inside that officer. I'm hooning with my bitch. Watching pornography and having boners are allowed. See, this is fucked up. That's what they said. That's the first result on this. But you're not allowed to nut in any way, shape, or form. So I lost day one because I had a sweet, wet dream.

No. It was day one. How are you having wet dreams at the age of 28? Because my virality is at an all time. Yeah, you have the virus. What was your dream about? It was about Burger Sonic. It was Burger Sonic and Burger Yan.

Burger Yan? And they were clapping. Oh, man, that's cool. And they were just eating a Sonic and Burger Yan. Burger Yan? Making out. And they were clapping. Oh man, that's cool. And they were just eating a burger and making out. And you were in the cook chair. Yeah. Yeah.

In the swivel chair in the Burger King. And Ronald was there and he had a ball gag in his mouth. I can't believe that counts. That's messed up. Does it count? They said nutting in any way. That's one of the ways. I don't-

No, that shouldn't count. That shouldn't count. It's literallyting in any way that's one of the ways if you not against your will it shouldn't count against my will it was just dream Ludwig's will no it's against that's against your conscious will I did it and then I won 60 million dollars in a casino it was a sick dream well then that should count that's I wish all of our dreams were linked like that how How fun would that be? You can just take DMT. You would just haunt Aiden every night. I know. He'd be so fucking He already haunts me in some of my dreams. I don't want

this to be a consistent thing. We can take DMT and we'll go to a dream world together. We could do it. And Cypher's clapping. We'll be connected in the Neuralink. I would love that because in dream world we can do whatever the fuck we want. We can do whatever the fuck we want. We can do whatever the fuck we want

in this world. Let's rob a bank. Dude, I can't even win at poker in my Dream World. Yeah. You have fucked up Dream World

because all your dreams is inferior to your real life. Yeah, it is weird. Yeah. Like, you should be able to, like, be flying and, like, beating up

the enemies. And beating off enemies if you want enemies we don't judge hey you can do whatever you fuck you want because i want to make them lose no not but when you decide to dream it's burger sonic and burger yan rocking his world they're not rocking my world in my dream last night this is real i'm not making this up right now in my dream last night i was just like doing all the things that i have to do in my life right now but they were all aiden's fault that i hadn't done them that's why i was mad at dream aiden like i had I have to do in my life right now. But they were all Aiden's fault that I hadn't done them.

That's why I was mad at Dream Aiden. We had to go get our stuff from the old place. And I was just like, why didn't Aiden grab all this when he was there? That's such a good question to ask. He was just there. He didn't grab any of my shit. And all the stuff that's on the set was still there. And I'm like, no one moved it.

Why do I have to move it? Why didn't Aiden move it? Dude, Ders makes the same noise. Be gone. Be gone, animal. No, no. Yeah, he is doing the sound. It's like rubbing a balloon with your hands.

I'm a grasshopper. I'm a cricket. Dude, I didn't know Aiden came home the other night. All right. You're sick. The only person. You just sound sick. The only person.

No, I got over it. I'm all over it now. Yeah, you sound really good. You sound great. You're good. The only person. You just sound sick. The only person. No, I got over it. I'm over it now. Yeah, you sound really good. You sound great. You're good. Oh, you sound. The only person I thought was home was my girlfriend. And my door's open because I usually have my office door closed.

My door's open because it's really hot in my room. And I see Aiden like quietly walk into my doorway. He's only wearing underwear. What? And I can't see. see like i didn't even hear him come home i had no idea he was home so i can't see the upper half of his body because it's completely in shadow but his bottom half is visible so i see just his legs and they look like man legs kind of and then underwear they got a little they got a little swag to him a little

flail to them. I just sort of like accept my fate. I'm like, I don't know what's happening, but that's not my girlfriend, and this is okay. I'm going to handle this. Yeah, we're going to make sure. A rain emerges from the shadow.

He's like, hey. I like the idea that Dawson just comes out in a towel and he's like, you're so mean. Dude, I would pay $500 to see Dawson in a towel and he's like Dude, I would pay I'd pay $500 to see Dawson in a towel with no shirt on. Yeah. I've never seen Dawson with no shirt on. You would think, it's like

in the pool when you got big puffy nipples and you want to wear the shirt all day. Yeah. Do you think Dawson keeps his shirt on in the shower? Yes. Yes. Aiden caught this comment when I was streaming Call of Duty

before the event. I jumped in the water in the game. I'm like, whoa, I'm in the water with my clothes on. I'm like,

Dawson. Oh, fuck that guy. He can't defend himself. Why does he, does he do that? We can only assume. Yeah.

Yeah, he's never done it per se to us, but. He's like the kind of guy that only ends up in certain, like he can only be rendered in certain situations. Otherwise he just, he doesn't exist. Uh, I went on a bike ride with Michael Reeves. We did like a five hour trek.

Holy. To where to where? You're so active. We went up to like. Sexually active. I don't know. Ventura, somewhere north. Were you like one of those cool SoCal bikers

where you're like wheeling up and down the mountain and there's no cops around and there's no speed limits? It says the speed limit's 30, but everybody has a luxury car or a motorbike and they're going like 70. We were pulled over. We were kissing. Nobody could see.

No cops could stop us. We were dancing. That's good. It was basically... Slow dancing with That's good. It was basically. Slow dancing with Michael Reeves. It was basically, yeah, lawless land. That's lovely. And we rode up the PCH, beautiful highway, coastal.

It was like two hours each way. Cutie's like, babe, please, just one date night. Sorry, babe. Gotta ride. Gotta ride with Michael. Meanwhile, I'm begging him in his stream. Begging him for a single drop. Just one slurp.

You just played Fortnite with him. I just played Valorant with him. You just played Fortnite with him. I know, but I wanted to save him from himself. To be clear, quick aside, you're the reason we couldn't play. Because I'm not the reason we couldn't play. I said, I'm down, and then we went into queue together and then it said cannot match make because you didn't finish your rank game i haven't played at all so

it's not me you're sitting there solo queuing because your fucking rich stupid asshole online influencer friends decided to kick you out of the group that's true because of all the shit you said that's true were you socially ostracized i was socially ostracized because they found out that you homewrecked lily and michael because they found out that you home wrecked Lillian Michael. Because they found out which in it sucks because it's the second time. Yeah.

You know. It's the first thing you get more of a pass. She can't catch a break can she? And the people are more empathetic for people who can't

catch breaks. And so we had a group of five and the group came a group of six. I'm just the first to duck out in those situations. Yeah. I solo queued three games. I lost every one.

I MVP'd every one. Dude, he was mauling like me. He was being me. I'm the same as London. You can't just say people who are mad are you. Well, no. I was being him. I'm trying to help you.

All right, yeah, fuck me. Because there was this guy and he was like talking but like he was just so apathetic towards everything oh like i don't care about that he was like he was like i don't even care like i don't even care about this game like it doesn't even matter like i'm just let's just go in like i don't care i got and then like like an example is we lost the round it was it was like 8 to 11 and then it went 8 to 12 and he was like oh I thought it was over wow I thought it was over we're still playing wow I thought it was over man oh that's fun he's doing shit like that I was like why

are you doing this why are you doing so I barked at him how I can't believe you got into your skin love it I just I feel like people get under your skin in Valorant a fair bit I think in solo queue you should care you signed up for caring for 40 minutes and if you don't care then it makes it worse for everyone else who cares that's right or just don't talk smoke a blunt and don't talk i don't care right when he gets really fucking mad at what they do to us i don't even care if they don't care i care that they don't care and they have to say they don't care yeah because you really mean it if you say it. So you don't like that they won't accept what they've done or they won't admit what they've done.

I just think it's annoying to be like, I don't care and say you don't care. I just think it's an annoying thing to do. Just don't. Because if you play one or two games a night, you smoke a blunt and that's your chill wind down time, that's okay. But if you boot up the game

and you have to defend your ego by saying i actually play overwatch i don't even care about my rank in this i'm an overwatch person it's like who gives a shit no one cares what if your wind down is going online and saying i don't care oh and that's your wind down oh i think now who are you to police that because then your wind down because then your wind down negatively impacts for other people. So what? Police state? I don't like that.

You lose two games in a row. I don't care. Like 11,000 people you take off your headset. Your girlfriend's like, how are your games? They're really good. I feel really relaxed right now. I feel a lot better. Thanks for letting me play a couple.

What if that relationship's doing really good? Yeah, police state. That's good. What's up? I feel like, you know, anyway, I got mad. Yeah. I tried clocking the guy. You tried to identify what he was like in real life?

Yes. And you said, I bet you, I bet you're a loser. Yeah. I bet you live with your mom. I didn't say those things. Maybe he's a young father and he's hurting. I said, I bet you're a young father. I know your exact type

Do you regret having a kid so young? I bet it was young and now you're stressed. It was difficult for you. You probably just throw that one out every single time and bink it once. Yeah. I like that because then when you hit they're like, uh. They're like, well, how did you what the fuck? How did you know? No, I love my kid And then they leave the call. They leave the lobby. We can get it at Custo.

I can give you some tips and tricks. You want a tip from Immortal? I don't want a tip from... You're not even Immortal. You haven't played your Immortal game. I have. I'm Immortal 150 RR. I have like...

What, you played your Immortal game and you won? Yeah. I have like five Immortal wins. Do you want coaching from Aiden? He's offering you right now. Wait, now I can Immortal game and you won? Yeah. I have like five Immortal wins. Do you want coaching from Aiden? He's offering you right now. Wait, now I can actually get some coaching. Aiden, no, I don't want coaching. Come on, we'll give you a little coaching.

Let him coach you, man. I had Lily Pichu's coach in my chat, and he was trying to coach me. He was like, I can coach you. And then I was like, first of all, I don't want to be coached, so I can stay hard stuck silver for six months. Yeah, I did see that. It was funny. That person who is like a big Valorant YouTuber and me in the chat trying so hard to get your

attention. I saw you after every single round. You would say, what was it? You remember. You'd say reporting. Yes, that's right. I'd say report, report. If you look at my logs, it's probably be saying that 700 times.

Why'd you do it? Because I wanted your attention because you're my friend! Wait what? And you didn't give me any What was the youtuber? WooHooJin? Oh it's that guy The banana man

If I wanted your fucking attention you wouldn't fucking look at me You wouldn't look my way because I don't have what Burger Yan has Banana guy saved Lily you could go on that journey too What do you mean save Lily? He was he coached her She's silver Dude it took her seven years to become No she didn't she make it to she made it to gold You could go on that journey too. What do you mean save Lily? He coached her. She's silver. Dude, it took her seven years to become... No, didn't she make it to...

She made it to gold. She made it to gold. Where is she at right now? Well... Well... She's at silver, baby. I want a new fucking rule. When I talk to you in chat, I want you to fucking answer me.

I think you owe me that. You owe me that. If we don't hang out all day Or see each other all fucking week If we don't hang out all week I need you to answer me frame one When I fucking look at you and chat Do you understand? Can you say something respondable?

I did say something respondable You said really spammed report 70 times Before that I was talking mad shit on you I don't know what it is YouTube chat is not as fun talking It's because this cocksucker doesn't answer you. It's the aesthetic.

It's something to do with the aesthetic. It's something about it. I feel like I'm commenting. Yeah. You got the extendo. I'll make it like Twitch chat. The extension makes it good. Yeah.

The truffle. Dude, I had a realization. The awareness that I've officially grown up and I've gone full circle. Not full circle in my life, but when I was younger and I would gone full circle, not full circle in my life, but, uh, when I was younger and I would play call of duty every single day,

I would boot up mono for two or cod for, I'd pull out a sniper. I'd run around in any game type, free for all search and destroy domination, just sniper only. Fuck the objective. Fuck. I'm trying to get a million kills.

I'm trying to, whatever. That's how I'd play the game. And all these old heads in the game would be like fucking loser, word I can't say, quick scoper, blah, blah, blah, fucking blah. And I'm destroying them

with my 15-year-old bants. Fast forward, I'm 27. I'm playing new Call of Duty with Nick Yingling. We're trying to get XP. We're trying to rank up our guns. We're playing the objectives. Uh-oh.

All these quick scopers in our games aren't playing the objectives. Uh-oh. All these quickscopers in our games aren't playing the objectives. Uh-oh. We keep losing games that me and Yingling are at the very top of the leaderboard with all of the objective time, and they have a bunch of kills,

but they're not playing the objective. We keep losing games, and we're getting so mad at them. And we're like, just please, you queued up domination. You can play whatever you want. Just go play Free Frog.

Go play Team Deathmatch if you want kills, and we're getting destroyed. And I'm like, oh, I have fully switched. This is deserved. How does that make you feel? It feels good to know I was wrong. Why?

Because I was young. Being wrong sucks. I was young. You were right. What do you mean? You're wrong now. You think I'm wrong now? Yeah.

That's interesting. That would feel bad if that was true. So I got about it longer what's a video game for winning maximum enjoyment did you hear that did you just hear what did you just hear what happened just now yeah we gave the same we gave an answer to the your question but they were different answers and they illustrated how we think about the world. What was your answer? I said fun. You said winning at the same time. And you said max enjoyment. You also don't believe this.

He does. Yeah, but at this moment right now, I do. Because I don't play Call of Duty and I can't win. So it must be for fun. When you were playing Warzone, you wanted to win. Oh yeah. Because I was a Warzone beast. But that was also because, you wanted to win. Oh, yeah. Because I was a Warzone beast. But that was also because that was fun to win.

Yeah, but I also think winning's fun. Yeah, but winning's not always the only fun thing, or the most fun thing. I think the problem is that you're queuing up with Nick Yingling, and he needs to get back out there. He's queuing up with Aiden Cowling, bro. Yingling is beast. He's good. Yeah, no, that's a problem.

We need his skill set used elsewhere. No, I think he should be fragging out. On the street. He needs to be on the streets getting tricked out. You're not tricking out Nick Yingling. Corner's empty. I've been doing it. Corner's empty.

And look who's in the Discord call. Dude, I was thinking. Right? I was thinking how fun would it be. You guys aren't going to say yes, but how fun would it be if we played 4v4 Search and Destroy together? Call of Duty would be so fun. Ooh.

Aiden is making a face set. It says a million things. Yeah, because Aiden's busy. You know, he's got to play. And Ludwig is making a face set that says, I will never do that. But I like you guys. I like you. I can't get my friends to play games with me.

I can't, no matter how hard I try. I'll play Halo with you. I'll do it. Kill yourself. I don't want to do that with you. Oh. I want to play Halo. I'll play basketball with you. I'll play basketball with you. I'll do it. Kill yourself. I don't want to do that with you. Oh. I want to play Halo. I'll play basketball with you.

I'll play basketball with you. You know what? Is this a problem? Can we think about it real quick? Basketball? Are we growing apart? Are our interests diverging? Well, let's...

We don't hang out anymore. I try to get his attention in chat. He's thinking about Burger fucking Yan all day. We met because of Super Smash Brothers. And now Stan's owns me. And we don't play anymore

except for Aiden kind of. And you kind of. So without Melee, what's our new thing? Right now it's this podcast. Without the podcast are we hanging out?, it's this podcast. Yeah. Without the podcast? Without the podcast, are we hanging out? But it could be basketball. But I don't like it.

I know. That's something you have to get over. Melee is something you all like. You have to get over the not liking basketball thing. But I don't like it. But it's good for you. But I do other things that are good for me. I eat the probiotic germs that go in my bones.

That's such a different thing. I buy them in large quantities in the dark web and I eat them all. I eat the germs for my body and my meat. You're right, but what is it for your meat? What is not for our meat besides exercising germs? Here, thought exercise. Oh, you're not talking about your dick. For once, no, Ludwig.

Get your mind out of the damn gutter. Thought exercise. The podcast ends tomorrow. Melee evaporates into the sun. Everything's gone. How long does it take without us kidding up Ludwig to hang out for him to hit us up to hang out? Genuinely, I think that in the way back times when we used to make fun of him for this all the time, he would be pretty. It would be a nightmare. Be like, yeah, never.

But nowadays, I think he's actually way better at getting Gang and Gang and all Together Like us If it's stuff that Obviously he wants to do Gang didn't even reply by the way Like basketball To what?

My basketball group chat Me? I made a basketball group chat You were in my basketball group chat You did not reply in it Me? Yeah I thought you knew I was sick

No You should know he's sick This is like You worked together Freaking 17 days ago This was not that 17 days ago. This was not that long ago. There's a basketball group chat?

Yeah. I didn't put you in it. Why? Because I knew he was out of town. He's got an answer for everything. Yeah, I was bedridden. Listen, listen, listen. I couldn't move. Maybe.

But you could game. Yeah. But you couldn't Discord DM. This is very rational. You couldn't Discord DM. I'm just saying, I'm off the hook. Because I already sent it. Here's your goddamn example.

I sent an invite out. I'm the one I got ghosted. I said I want to play video games with my friend. I got ghosted. I think, to answer your question, I think he's actually pretty good about getting people together. Not only for that stuff, but general stuff. Yeah. I think he's better.

I think he's done a better job. Pies tomorrow. He's still, shut up! You're still an extremely flawed, terrible guy. You were good. You were good. We did good. This episode is sponsored by HelloFresh.

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Some of you, you might just want the simple breakfast packaged with you. You also still have to pay when you go to Denny's. It's kind of weird. Yeah, it's not part of the HelloFresh subscription. It's like a dinner with Jay-Z type of thing. I don't know if you really value that. You're not paying for the breakfast. You're paying for his time.

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Nah, we don't even have to worry about it. Forever and ever and ever. But not the mustache. Not the mustache. But the mustache won't quit. It's actually not bad, huh? Yeah, it looks pretty good. I tried trimming it. I think it looks pretty good. I cut the middle a little too deep. It looks a little fucked up. Deep. Do you know how to trim it?

I'll teach you. I don't want you to do that. Wow. Jesus Christ. Don't make noises. Why would you be making the noises? That'd be weird if you were making the sound effects. No, I want to ride on the mustache.

Yeah, but I'm, if you're riding the mustache, I'm the vehicle. So I make the noises. Yeah, but I make it too. Cause I don if you're riding the mustache, I'm the vehicle So I make the noise I make it too because of where you're right Like the sound you're just a driver. Yeah, you don't make car noises when you drive the car makes the noises Yeah, but you also when you make you also go like I'm driving Experience whatever it takes to get off everyone does There's no sex in Everyone dies. There's no getting off. There's no sex involved. Whoa, there's no sex involved in riding my mustache. There's no sex. There's no cumming. There's only writing novels.

I don't think there would be- And not busting. There could be no- I guess in principle there should be no not busting. No not busting. No not busting. But I wanna ride. Ultimate Movember respect. Dude, Goonies- Goonies go crazy this month. They already don't shave. They already don't nut. Yeah, now they just need to write a book about their gooning experience. What is the book thing?

NaNoWriMo National Novel Writing Month. People who identify themselves as writers will just try to write for a fucking whole month and not slow down. Have either of you read the book? Have either of you read your book? Oh, what's up? You look good today. We're talking about H-Mart, yeah? Crying in H-Mart. I'm on chapter three. Still?

You said you were on chapter four the other week! How'd you go back? Because every day you gotta go one page back because you forget it. Then you don't read it. And you go one page back every time. It's called decay. I'm in like negative, a couple of H-Marts. Have you not touched it at all? Even a little bit? No.

Because no one reminded me. Right. It's not my fault. No, no, sorry. It's my fault. And I'm not being proactive in the group and being a fun member of the book club. Let's pick it up. How many people are in the book club?

It's just you two, right? It's me, Ludwig, Maya, and Cutie. Oh, four of you. I don't even know if Maya learned how to goddamn read. Maya and Cutie both have read the book. No. Yes. Not true. It is.

No. They grind books. I don't believe Maya can read until proven to me. No. Yes. Not true. It is. No. They grind books. I don't believe Maya can read until proven to be. 100%. Yes. She cannot read. She definitely read.

No. I know the animals are all big. I wanna say this is sexist. She said this. She said this one time she came over. She said, I wanna be- Wait, it has nothing to do with her being a woman. I wanna be closer to the animals, so I stopped knowing how to read. I wanna say this is sexist.

She likes spiders too much. I feel like you have to trade something for that. Her stats are all fucked up. She's not like Waluigi, but reading in spider-like. Okay, how many girls have you met who are like, hey, I just love fucking spiders, and also I just read a book? I've never met a girl who loves fucking spiders. Ever? No.

Except Maya. I don't think... Maya Gaming. She loves spiders. Yeah, well... Maya Gaming, my fourth grade science teacher. She can read a book i don't think maybe a book about spiders if it has big old pictures she'll read the pictures yeah she'll

read this shit color them in let's catch up all right but here's the thing he doesn't want to do no you what was that if i read the book and then you don't, I turn off the campfire light. You are going to be, you are not on the hook at all. Can I tell you something, sweetheart? That'll never fucking happen. Yeah, you won't be on the hook. You'll be like, oh God, I didn't read it. Shmeebida-bee-bida-bee-bida-bop.

This will never happen. This will never happen. Zoom out of the room. You're worried about a fake monster. Not a fake monster. You can never read it faster than me. I'm worried about a mustachioed beast you couldn't do it

he's challenging me I'm gonna you know what I'm gonna read this fucking book wait he would just finish it in a night I'm gonna have it

no he wouldn't I'm gonna have it read by next week no no he's owning you he's owning you that's fine it'll show that I have conviction

to my word and then he'll be out of the three of us me my and cutie he'll be the big stupid oaf I'm gonna have it already read and I also won't be here next week. What's true? Why don't you say shit to me? He's gonna see the common theme here where right

Three times a week you like this fucking thing and I knew he was going to France. Hey, what's the theme of this? The theme? What's the synopsis here? What's the falling action here, bro? Hot. Lead. Hot lad and hot lead. Hot steamy lead fills me up.

Don't do it. No, you're so sexy, don't kill me. No, I'm so sexy, don't. I'm so sexy, don't kill you. If you read this book, he's just going to say, yeah, see, I gave you the power't kill me. No, I'm so sexy don't I'm so sexy don't kill if you read this book He's just gonna say yes. See I gave you the power to do it like I'm I'll never take credit if you read cuz you read it Shut up. That's you and that's fucking cool Conversation that has come out of let's do a book club

Who's better than the other person somehow. You also like winning. Huh? I don't like winning. You love winning. Oh my God. I like when we win. No.

I like when we win. You love winning in ways that your mind palace has constructed. Let me tell you. We're actually very similar in that way. But I'm already okay with losing too. Yeah, because you feel like I win so much in other ways. Because you just won so many times. I've taken nothing but L's this week.

Schooled second place, lost to Fan Fan. Didn't get the question right when it asked in September 1939, the UK entered World War II after Germany invaded this country. You didn't know? I didn't know. It was Poland. It was Poland. I thought for some reason they didn't know. It was Poland. It was Poland. I thought for some reason

they didn't enter until like they attacked France. Such a French guy thing to think. You don't even remember when you died. Actually, yeah. I thought they'd be like, ah, it's Poland. It's like pretty far out. And then two, I lost. Name your price.

Because, Zipper, can you pull up a picture? Just picture, no price. Target, 10ipper, can you pull up a picture? Just a picture, no price. Target 10-pound weight rubber. Can you pull that up for me? Target 10-pound weight rubber. Rubber. And so you need to name the price of this item? We're going to pull it up.

We're going to pull it up in just a bit here, and then I'm going to ask you a simple question. Anyway, I ended up losing. Name your price. Second place. The other thing I lost out while I waited for this,oug doug's shuffle thon also second place so you're just a silver medal aficionado because whoever won the gaming section had to do a doubles tennis match against germa and doug and doug played high school tennis really and he just dumpstered us wow okay okay

10 pound weight wait dumbbell weights Do you get two of them Two of them Uh Sure And you have to name The price of these Is it over or under 20 dollars

Uh Oh over under For a pair Over Under Over How much is a zipper 39.99

39 That's fucked up It's fucked up So well there was actually Just one dumbbell on the one I did, and it was $17. And I was like, that's crazy. The one dumbbell, $17. Sorry I lost on that.

Well, some people get no medal, Slugwig. You got silver. But Nick didn't get goddamn anything yet. Aiden never got goddamn medal. And I didn't get called up for any of these gamer competitions. It is true you don't. I don't get called up. Dude, I forgot about this. So I was playing

game battles with Team Summertime, which is like Hitch and it's like that whole group of guys. And one of them brought up like, oh yeah, you play Melee. I saw you play in that tournament at Mogul Moves. And I was like, oh yeah, yeah, that was cool. I also saw that your friend cried uh and i was like oh yeah yeah that was cool i also saw that your

like your friend like cried and i was like i was like yeah yeah he did that shit and then they all start a roast circle on on what it would be like if one of them did that oh no in the same spot which i then turned into why they're all bad friends sure to each other But it was pretty funny. Oh my Because after that episode came out hitch tweeted that this is the best Podcast that's like gaming adjacent. He said that episode. Yes. He's a sweet. I'm fine I also like the idea how he actually feels about that episode. No, no.

Hitch was the one defending you. Oh, okay. His friends were treating Hitch, what if it was you who was Aiden? Because he was defending you. The idea that you could just point at Nick Yingling and be like, yeah, that's this guy. That's this guy right here.

He's Aiden Calvin. He's right here. Do you want to make fun of him to his face? I love Nick Yingling. And then Yingling would be like, guess what else about me? I'm saying like Hannibal Lecter kind of.

Yeah, you're a little sensitive bear, bro. Yeah. But that's alright. It's an emotional journey. It's an emotional game. You know what pisses me off about you, Aiden?

Calvin? Uh-huh. If you will, ooh, the hairline. Stop pulling it up. Yeah, put it down. Put it down. There you go.

Why don't you get it cut? I do need to get it cut. You've been saying that for so long. I know, I'm just lazy. Stop pulling it up. Yeah, put it down. Put it down. Why don't you get it cut? I do need to get it cut. You've been saying that for so long. I know, I'm just lazy. Dude, he's got no haircut. He has a spare tire on his car. I got a spare tire on my car. I know you're lazy.

You can't be driving with a donut like that. You're going to get in a fucking wreck. You're not allowed to drive more than 100 miles on a donut. You can't even go over 50 miles an hour. How many miles can you ride on a donut? Just go to the fucking shop. You're being an asshole. He's kind of chill when he does that, though.

That's so chill. He does look pretty cool, yeah. God god you know you can ride it but when i when aiden like gets emotional i give him a hug and i say it's gonna be all right that's when i turned into the real me because i'm like all the jokes melt away and it's just us amen yeah and i give him a hug and i say it's gonna be all right are you saying the other stuff is a facade? It's not a facade, but man. It's an act of sorts. It forces me into being very compassionate because he needs it real bad. Really bad.

He might. You need to understand that that's manipulative. You know how I was getting dusted by that guy named Greasy Hot Dog before the podcast the other week? Yes. I found out who that is. Who is it? Because we played

again and uh it's cactuar no way that's so funny and you were getting mixed up by a legend of the game thinking it was piss random elo so and then you're yelling at shake drizzle you're yelling at nick drizzle they're fucking making fun of me for losing at Cactuar. Shake gets dusted by Cactuar. Yeah, but he puts up 205 on bench. That's true. Shake is so strong, bro. Another bald king. Right.

Cactuar. I thought you meant Shake. I was like, Shake's holding. He's doing all right. He's doing all right. Shake's on the fin is why. He's not on the fin. Yes, he is.

Self-admitted. He's on the fin? What do you want from me? We talk about it all the time. I didn't know this. Sometimes we connect in ways that you can't. I think y'all shake so much. Do you think that everyone should be on the fin?

I think it depends. Everyone? Look, if a man, woman, child, baby, they should all be on the fin at birth. We need thick hair society now. It's like Ozempic. If I have really thick hair, if I took it, would it just get thicker? No, it would just prevent it from losing itself in the music of the moment. Look, if you want to save your hair, start going on it.

If you don't care or you're too late, then it's okay. I don't know why I looked over at you. I didn't hear anything that wasn't would you... It wasn't about you. I didn't look at you. You'll be alright. Nothing changes. I could sell the D&D table. A lot of people have been asking me.

Yeah, it's a big point of contention in the community. I don't know if people keep bringing it up still. You haven't done it. I could do it, though. Have you tried it? Have you touched it? You haven't done it. I've touched it.

I've touched it. I want you to know that there's an update. The last time we moved it, it took four people. Why are you adding people? Oh, you did? You moved it again? Because it took four to do it this time because the table got heavier again. Did it?

Yes! You cannot solo the table. Also, to all the dumbasses who thought the big plastic table was the D&D table that couldn't be lifted. Yeah, that wasn't it. I was like, yeah, that's the 300&D table that couldn't be lifted. Yeah, that wasn't it. I was like, yeah, that's the 300 pound table I've been talking about. Does it mean putting it on the ground and like getting it off the ground? He has to transport the table down this section by himself. Down the hallway.

Down the hallway. He didn't even have to get it in the room. I'll do that. I'll do that right after this pod. That's what you said after the last pod. Dude, if it breaks it's such an L. If it breaks it's chill. It's not chill.

It's not chill. There's a beautiful art in Japan where they take broken pieces and they make the break the beautiful part. Now explain it to me in Japanese. Ah, wakarimashita. What does that mean? It means I understand. What does that mean? It means I understand.

Dude, it's like, yeah, it's like in Pikmin. It's the ancient art of Dandori. We all know this. I can't remember what it's called. It's called the thing you're talking about. I know it. The beautiful Japanese art where they take something with an I at the end. Dandori.

In Pikmin. dandori and pikmin dandori uh have you ever watched the last samurai no with tom cruise dude i watched it the other night you should watch it i will kind of want to it's pretty it's like cringe in the way like old movies are kind of cringe it's an old movie now it's one of the better d-coms for sure dude it kind of is a d-com it's so tropey but like you love the great eastern land of nippon and it's true because of that that's really true you might just like it even though of all of its big flaws i did just watch johnny english last night another d-com that's where he has to save the mountain from the evil skiers. And that wasn't as cool because there was no Japan in it,

although there was a sushi bar. Oh, bro. I watched Downsizing yesterday. Oh, the one where they get small? Yeah, it's a movie where they invent science to make people small, like really small, the size of a pencil. I saw this on TikTok. It is so dog shit.

I watched the whole movie on TikTok.ok oh is it one of those things aren't the companies starting to upload like clit they'll upload a whole movie but in clips it's not i mean it's just rose a random person it was like sped up and there's like a synopsis of it dude it is shit it's matt damon right yeah it's matt dude it's a crazy cast uh matt damon the guy who is like the Nazi leader in Inglourious Bastards. I think it's Inglourious Bastards. Christoph. Christoph Waltz. Yeah.

Who's also in Johnny English. Movie is bad. Really bad. Dude, all right. But it's really funny looking because everyone's really tiny. Why is your phone case so bright? Because I got the new phone and I was like, I hate misplacing my phone. So I got the brightest case I could find.

That is really a lot. It's hot pink. It is a lot. It's bright. There was a post on the subreddit that I thought was extremely funny, which is a screenshot of you, Ludwig. And it says, I knew bro was caked up, but these hamstrings look fucking alien dude it looks like his leg is pregnant why did you read it like trisha takanawa and that and that's really funny but then in uh in the top comment is it's

becoming obscene like it's actually distracting me when i'm trying to just watch the pod he's getting big for us yes he does it for us but has he ever considered whether or not we can handle it? And apparently you've been saying big for me a lot on your stream. Well, when I play Suika, yeah. Do you? Yeah, I say it. Because the whole point is to get big for you. It's got to get big for you.

So I just sometimes go in a state, a fugue state where I go, I'm going to get big for you. I'm going to get big. I'm going to get so big. Think of everyone saying how big Ludwig is for them right now. It's childish and inappropriate to talk that way about a public figure who doesn't even know you exist. And I really expected better from this community. I don't know how you guys can sleep at night

saying stuff like this when everyone knows he's so big for me right now. And there's just a, it made, it warmed my little heart. Can I see the pic? Fair play. Oh, absolutely not. No. Of me? No see the pic? Fair play. Oh, absolutely not. No. Of me?

No. The pic? No. You can just look in the damn mirror. Okay. Yeah, that's true. All right, fucking Getty images. Ow.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Stop. It can take so many shots. Oh, I didn't finish. It is so much HP.

On the motorcycle ride, it was me and Michael as long... When you said biking, you meant your motorcycle. That makes so much more sense. Yeah, yeah. I thought it was biking, me and michael when you said biking you meant your motorcycle that makes so much more sense yeah i thought i thought it was biking too right yeah oh thank god i knew it's because you said biking like i thought i said five hour bike ride yeah that's why i thought it was also also just made me think of a bicycle sure god that's so interesting that's why you didn't call us motorcycles yeah it was a motorcycle motorcycles. Yeah, it was a motorcycle ride. That was because we were practicing for Japan. Right.

Oh, you wanted to be invited to the five-hour bike ride? It would be nice to get invited. Would you do that? No. Like, I like that he invited me to basketball. I would be hurt if he did it the first time. You know you have to say yes eventually to stuff. Yeah, but not fucking basketball.

I can't dribble. It doesn't matter. Everyone sucks. Josh and dribble. Josh and dribble. And Josh did well. Imagine. Go on.

What happened on your bike ride? So we were on the bike ride. And, you know, when two motorcycles are riding, sometimes you get split up by cars. We like maybe turn on or merge or whatever. And every time it would happen, like a car would merge. ride and sometimes you get split up by cars we like maybe turn on or merge or whatever and every time it would happen like a car would merge like in in michael would get cut off from my rear view mirror he would do this thing i would just hear like and it was horrifying why was he doing that because he just i think does it when no one's there but when we're riding together our helmets

are connected so what he yells is directly in my ears. And it's all I hear. There's no music or anything. All I hear is Michael and all he hears is me. So I just occasionally hear him scream and I just have to freeze. And I just wait, wait, wait. And then rear view would pop in. I'd be like, okay.

Oh my God. It's like that. I think it's like a war zone clip where the guy's getting like his face kicked in and the guy on the mic's like, No! Play! And then it just cuts out. Yeah.

But it's not Warzone. Yeah, it's real life bikers. It's bikers. It's real life on the highway. Yeah, it is on the highway. You guys should do a poker race. You know what that is? Where?

It's what motorcycle gangs used to do. Where? A poker race. They get on their bikes. They do a bunch of crystal meth, and they drive to a location, and it's a race, and they play a bunch of hands of poker, and they get on their bike and they drive to another location until the crystal meth runs out. That seems so confusing. How do you win?

Well, you win all the poker. Right. Why are you doing meth? Why are you traveling for the poker? You're doing meth because you go fast. Makes me tired. Why are you moving the poker game? I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I've never played it, though. I don't know. And I don't think I want to. You should do it, though. You ride a bike. I think I get it. You should get one of those big motherfucker bikes.

Yeah. You get the big. It was your mustache. You go into a handlebar mustache. You have handlebars that are big. You'd be like, I'm big loving. And then you can get a big confederate tattoo on your back. I have a naked bike right now.

What is that? I don't know. That's what Michael called it. What does it mean? I don't know. I didn on your back. I have a naked bike right now. What is that? I don't know. That's what Michael called it. What does it mean? I don't know. I didn't ask questions. It's got no attachments on it? You're talking about like a cruiser that's all up here.

And I ride a naked bike that's down here. Yeah. Okay. It's better for your core. You should get a Suica bike. Like a watermelon? Yeah. With big wheels on it.

Yeah. And the wheels are smaller fruit. You should play Suica on your bike while you're driving it on the freeway. Yes. Is it over?

Are you fucking done? How much more Suica is there to be played? Suica's done, man. Did anyone hit 4K? Oh, someone hit 9999. What? They got two

double watermelons. Yeah. If you get a double watermelon, they disappear and then he did that twice back to back and he got he capped out this game yeah it caps out at 9999 holy shit it's like uh beating the odometer on a toyota tacoma he beat the odometer and now he can sell it still for scraps. Yeah. Maxed out odometer. OBO. 4000 OBO. It's probably worth more. The Suica game? No, maxed out. His cartridge

with the score on it? Oh yeah. It's because it's rare. Yeah, you could sell that. People would like to have that. What was Amsa's world record in? Was it like time to get to a certain score? He was running watermelon speedrun. So fastest to get watermelon. I think he got in like two minutes and change.

Yeah. He's pretty good at the game. He actually gets like a lot of viewers. Because it's still, although you're saying like it's done, it's the number one game in Japan still. Wow. Like on the Nintendo Switch store over Mario Wonder and the new WarioWare. Why isn't it up for a game award?

But Mario Wonder is. Because no one knows who developed the shit. They know who developed it. It was just Bro. I think it's because he got my Bro and them. Bro and them LTD. I think because at its core it's a mobile game. But also some of the game awards I would argue aren't

the most. the fix is in say it say it well say it Dubbin hip and in touch the fix is in the fix is in it's not the fix

nothing's fixed I wonder what motivation you would have for bringing another award show down I won a game award so it is a sham and I

and I no no no it's real it's good it's good Sharks how good. It's good. Sharks, how do we fix a game, a game award show?

Hmm. That, that is. More bitches. Okay. Okay. Well, let's get a bitch.

So we get a bitch. Reduce scope. Yeah. And the host is Chad Warden. Chad Warden and a bitch. That. And of course, the,

uh, PS3 wins every year. Of course, yes. This sounds like something you specifically really want. Yeah, no, you're asking me, so I'm telling you what I want. He's a part of a big demographic. Yeah. I represent many of them.

People who remember Chad Warden fondly. I owned a Wii, and I want to see that. I can't believe that guy narked on Chad Warden being a character. Who did? That YouTube documentary guy who figured out who he was. Everyone's a character, bro. That's all nark. I want to believe Chad Warden's real.

I want to believe he does have that much money at the age of 14. You know we're all real. Isn't that kind of fun? I think that's why people like us a lot. Oh, that's what you meant? You meant existentially, like I was saying, like, oh, we're like, I smoked weed and I'm licking my hand now. That's what I thought you meant. I'm talking about we closely align with the people we are on this podcast to who we are IRL all the time.

Remember when we went in that coffee shop because we were doing the photo shoot? And we walked in like a fucking It's Always Sunny episode. It was me, Nick, and Aiden. Yeah, we walked in arguing about something. Just arguing. Just not loudly because I think I'd be disruptive. Oh, yeah. Dude, you remember, Aiden.

Do you remember what we argued about? I don't remember. What did they argue about? Because I remember what we argued about. I remembered because there was someone. Aiden, you need to fill me in. I wasn't there. Yeah, I will do that.

In Melee, there's someone who's kind of annoying and I'm like, they're pretty annoying. And Aiden was saying, he's just an older guy and it's just like a product of like, he's just from a different like time.

And I said, if Adolf Hitler was just a nice guy to you, you would be on his team. The volume of this conversation did not change. This was the argument. And I'll tell you who the guy is.

Nobody is going to know who this guy is, but you might know after the podcast. But he's comparing like a very normal figure in the Smash community, and he's like, they're like Hitler. That was the argument. No. The argument was that

no it was that i would become friends with hitler if we met hitler was nice enough to you because he's a product of his time and hitler would be nice to me it's bad it's not bad i'm saying that he is someone who if anyone is even a slightly bit nice to him he's like oh you're basically trying to you're assassinating his character. You're saying that even if it was Hitler, as long as he's nice to him, Aiden wouldn't say they're cool. I am saying that. So Aiden's judgment's irrelevant. Yes. But it still does not talk about the person's

character, which is what matters. The argument is about the human you guys are talking about. So you're pulling Aiden out of it. You're saying he can't even... Aiden likes Hitler. I know. I'm more taking the other guy out of it. You're saying he can't even. But Aiden likes Hitler. I know, I'm more talking. Arguing in the coffee shop. I'm taking the other guy out of it. I'm like trying to keep it out of whisper.

Wait, but you, you would though. In the middle, right around this point, in the middle, a guy comes up and he's like, I love your asses podcast. Can I get a picture with you guys? And I was like, this is what it is. This is how we are. Yeah, it was, it was not for the bit or the meme.

I just genuinely was trying to convince Aiden that if someone who is objectively terrible was nice to him He'd be like yeah, I don't know. I mean You know we wanted to put the whole camp. We had fun And I'm not and that was what we argued about when you were coming to the photo shoot and then we did the photo shoot You understand I understand understand, man. And I think I'm still right. Read your damn book. How about you be right about that? How about you read this?

Anyone want to play Call of Duty with me? You should do Storage Wars. Aiden messaged me about this. Yeah, he messaged me about this. You should do Storage Wars. I don't want to play Call of Duty. I don't want messaged me about this. You should do Storage Wars. Wait, he messaged me about this? I don't want to play Call of Duty.

I don't want to play Call of Duty. You should do Storage Wars. I don't want to do Storage Wars. Let's do it, man. I'll play Call of Duty with you and do Storage Wars with you. Okay. But I can't crisscross. That's why I just want to hang out with you.

Dubbin, what would you do with me? Okay. All right. So we're at my place. Okay. Okay. I made my famous. Okay. I made my famous tuna pasta.

And you're wearing it. And I'm wearing my tuna pasta on me. Like Adam's leaf in the Bible. And I say, eat. Eat. It's time to eat. It's time to eat. You've been served.

And I'd go, I'm serving you. Okay. See, this is the fucking problem, because he time to eat. You've been served. Finish it now. And I'd go, I'm serving you. And then what? This is the fucking problem because he knows what we want. He doesn't want to give it to us. He's demonstrating he knows what we want. I mean, I don't think he knows what I want. And then we lay down on the floor. There's a heater.

And he says, I'm covered in tuna. Take a ride on this. And I get a ride? And then I go, wait, let me throw on some nebula. Damn, let me watch Modern Conflict. Hey, everyone, thanks for listening to the Yard podcast this week. And next week, we put Aiden on a skewer and we eat him. Oh, I can't wait to eat your fucking meat.

There will be no reason to eat it your fucking meat. Very lean. Yeah, it's gonna taste terrible. Alright, bye. We'll see you in the Patreon where you know what? We'll just skip right to that section. And I'm not dead. Some people thought I had died. That's alright. you