The Yard - Ep. 124 - The Hasan Episode

Episode Date: November 29, 2023

This week, the boys are joined by Hasan! The boys discuss biggest flaws, reaction content, and how Fear& copied The Yard...

from the river to the sea explain that dude i would do i would do eight hours of that on here i don't know i don't want it your life is just such a... Your life is so hard. There's like children being perished. Yeah, they're getting lasered. Yeah, but they don't have to deal with fucking getting called a champagne socialist.

That part is fine. I would argue that's tougher. They don't have to stream on Twitch. Over my career, they've leveled up now They don't even say that they're just like you're a terrorist who loves Hamas. No. Yeah, they call me Hamas ah be It's kind of funny so like I can't get too mad at it But also at the same time it's like you know what it's like It's like a good one, but it's being done by people who are

like very racist so then you're like oh god i hate just made a good point this is the uh give it to you under no circumstances regarding isis do you have to hand it to them yeah it's just like it is like that though like they are saying it racially whereas like i feel like in other circumstances it could have been funny What a fun adverb Welcome back to the yard Episode 174 This is the That was 100

Demonetized episode Yeah hell yeah baby Let's go Insanely demonetized Are you dangerous To ads He's a dangerous fucker Dangerous fucker

Don't listen to him I'm not dangerous to ads You're dangerous I'm not bad Fine then advertise something now Okay Doesn't matter what brand. Swipe a day, swipe a day, swipe a day.

Sell me a bidet. I do have a gripe, actually, with the bidet situation. Why? Because I've always been a bidet boy. Turkey, there's bidets everywhere, right? And I grew up with that, and I was really excited at the prospect that Love Week's starting to sell bidets. Right. And then

in here, in the fucking yard mogul compound, okay, I wanted to use your bathroom downstairs, and I was like, there's got to be a bidet here. Maybe I could take a push. There is. Oh, well. You went to the shit bathroom. You lost the one in three chance.

Yeah, yeah. You have three bathrooms. The odds are good for you, though. Two of them have bidets. You told me, go downstairs directly, the first door. You did this? I tried to tell him where to go, he said there's not one up here. And I said, oh, I won't finish my sentence.

You deserve that. Go wherever you want. No, I said there's not one up here. I was trying to give you the answer. You go, you walk down, you go through the first doorway. By the way, there's no way to have a bathroom on a second floor because it has to be connected to the ground. That's true. That's a building code.

Continue what you were saying. Wait, what? LA County building code. So water can't go up that high because of vacuums. It can only be a certain length because of vacuums. I don't. I can't tell if you guys are fucking with me. This is a Veritasium video. I've definitely been in like bathrooms on the second floor and high floors.

Really try to think about it. It feels like the second floor for you because you're like seven feet tall. Into the Disney vault of your life and think about how many second floor bathrooms there's really been. Really think about it. There's so many. Like an unimaginable amount.

Was the dreidel spinning or was it toppling over? It's impossible. Well, you got unlucky. You went to the shower bathroom, which is gross wasteland that me and Aiden use. Did you shower? I did not. Before the pod?

That's rude. I didn't need to. I had showered already before I got here. So you didn't do a courtesy shower. Enough time to get all stinky on the way here. We're joined by our guest today, Hasan. Hasan, in 2023. Web 3 terrorist.

Web 3 terrorist Hasan, who owns the terrorism. It's better than Web 2 terrorism. He's a capitalist terrorist. Web3 terrorist Assad. Who owns the terrorism. It's better than Web2 terrorism. He's a capitalist terrorist. Actually, this reminded me. I actually need your help. What does crypto fascist mean? What does that mean? It just means like someone who's hiding that they're fascist.

But what does the crypto part mean? Crypto means like not crypto in the Bitcoin sense. Crypto is in like... It's encrypted. It's secret. Like crypto zoo. I have brain disease. Thank you.

Yeah. Crypto before it became invisible money to buy pizzas with. Yeah. It meant to conceal something through encryption. Cryptography. Yeah. We have three really important questions we like to start every podcast off with. First question.

Do you shower morning or night? I'm a morning shower. Okay. After I work out. I work out in the mornings and then i shower after i work out okay you don't always bring up that you work out so question number two are you cut or uncut what do you mean i'm mostly uncut okay unfortunately you wish you had it back yeah 100 i'm an intactivist actually so i'm glad that this is right in my wheelhouse

what is that word so that's the fourth question we're gonna skip the third for a second what does that mean intactivists are it's like this is a real shake drizzle like short small no intactivists are real that's a real thing uh they're some of the weirdest people you've ever met they are people who are very frustrated with the fact that uh you know in america everybody gets circumcised for the most part like Like at birth. And nobody even questions it. So they are activists against circumcision. There is, Zipper, could you look up there's a comic book character who is a superhero who fights

to stop circumcision. Squirrel Girl. I don't think it's called Squirrel Girl. You should look this up though. What is that? That's a real Marvel superhero. That's a woman who turns into a squirrel. That has nothing to do with circumcision.

Right. Well, I'm glad you said that. Yeah, it's called foreskin man. That seems a lot more likely. This is from a long time. It's like 10 years ago. Can you look at pictures? I really thought it was going to be more subtle than foreskin man.

No. I mean, is Spider-Man subtle? No, but it could be like Brist Boy. Well, that's his sidekick. Very clearly his sidekick be like Briss Boy. He's... Well, that's his sidekick. Very clearly his sidekick. Briss Boy. Foreskin Man is in a perpetual battle against Wolverine. Something funny about Foreskin Man.

Immediately, immediately the first thing is like, wait, first of all, this is pro... I feel like this is anti-semitic. This is anti-semitic propaganda, but click the, uh, click the picture. Don't say that baby is shredded. Look at the middle chest emblem. It's a dick, but the pec muscles create the head of the penis. Simon, don't ever say he has his antisemitic butt again.

I'm not saying it's good, I'm just saying observe this in a vacuum. It's not antisemitic, it's pro foreskin. Sure. So this is definitely like the guy that was- He's also blonde hair, blue eyebrow. And also the guy that was like cutting the baby penis was like, I think they tried to make him like an Orthodox Jew. Yeah, he was an evil rabbi. Yeah.

With a big pair of scissors. Why do they need to make circumcision so political? You're telling me. Why is it always video games that are damn political Why can't we reach across the aisle and both agree that we should keep the skin Why can't we reach across the chest And touch your chest Why can't we reach across your chest

I do have a Wait so are you guys circumcised So you actually You make up the majority now Of you uncuts Uncut gems I call us Sorry cuts In the supreme court we win Of penises now of you uncuts. Heathens. Uncut gems, I call us. I'm cut. Sorry, cuts.

In the Supreme Court, we win. Yes. Yeah, okay, good. Of penises. But RBG would be on our side. Yeah. She's dead. She would have been on our side.

If she were around, she would be with us. Yeah, she made a lot of bad decisions. But not, just getting circumcised was not one of them. She never did that. She famously said Colin Kaepernick was uppity. RBG, that's like the TV. She said that? Yeah.

She's pro-circumcision. Right, right, yeah. Big L bringing up RBG. She was pro-circumcision, anti-circumcision, which is what we want. She's anti-circumcision, yes. She was all for the elephant trunk looking dicks. We should get men suffragettes.

I purely care about her from the perspective of like, I want to know. I want to know if I'm like, if, you know, the theory is that when you get circumcised, you lose out on a lot of the feeling. Which leaves your soul, your curse for seven years. I wish I had my foreskin back because I just my foreskin and I want it now

yeah JG foreskin 877 bust now I do I do wish it right a light dream

can do me in yeah dude all he does is come to sleep every night just pondering I wish I had it back I wish I had it back

so I could cut off myself I feel like I'd do it better control your own wish I had it back so I could cut off myself. I feel like I'd do it better. Control your own destiny. I'd give it like a high top fade. Do you have a weird, like kid in play? You didn't like the haircut. No, no, it's like I got the balls. It's only halfway down and then it goes back to foreskin. That's not bad. It's good that you could like kind of fake it as though you have foreskin. It might pull on it or not. Yeah, exactly. I think you either have a massive, gigantic

dick or a hilariously small one. Yes, you. I'm very happy. That it's so fucked up and big. I'm very happy about mine too. Oh, like, you know,

we can all play that game. He did the big dick guy smile like You and cotillion Talking about dicks and talking about what actually matters. Yes. What's your fucking deal? Because we have been operating as a fucking Oh, you little fucking slut. Okay. All you do is bite our shit. We've been operating as a

supportive all-men's podcast to spread... Men's rights podcast. Well, there's not that many of those. We were the first. It's not just men's rights, but we're also critical of women here. And the thing is we keep to ourselves,

but you guys don't leave us the hell alone. Well, at least because we have like we are more diverse We're more diverse podcast and so you attack us cuz what because you guys are yet another like no boys We're the same amount of diversity. We have a bisexual you have a bisexual Which you don't have. That's another class. You're not brave enough to have a bald person in your fucking class. We also have a French man. Oh, don't say that. Is that true?

Austin's losing it? I mean, not yet. He's certainly mainlining finesse derailment. Real talk, real question, actually, for real. Am I the only bald person you ever had on? No, I had Fantano on, too. Oh, nice. I've definitely had more balds on.

I love my balds. So bald representation all the way. Let me, you fucking, you just copied us and copied us and copied us. And we just fed you with milk from our big juicy tits. We just suckled all day. It was awesome. And then you fucking, you have your stream and you stream. And then you just turn your stream and you stream and then you just turn 90

degrees and do it. And it's so disgusting. Just make a set. We have one now. And then there's, you know what's crazy is there's people in the world who subscribe to straightforward Hassan and then 90 degree turn Hassan. They do both.

It's so disgusting. They take Marsh out of the fridge to do it. They really do the work, that's so disgusting. They take Marsh out of the fridge to do it. Someone's gotta take him out in the morning so he defrosts. You gotta thaw him every morning. Highest paid producer in the game, bar none. Nobody touches. Zipper gets 10% of our Patreon.

Marsh gets one-fifth of the equal revenue. Broke shit. Broke shit. So we make, what what over 200k a month 15 215 K a month zipper gets 10% of that every single month total 215 total. Yeah Yeah, okay March gets paid more. No way. Yeah zipper. No, no 20% of For edges in our game. Okay. Let's go

Archie makes the same amount. Yes, sure. Yeah and for bands zipper versus a marsh Okay from what I'm from what I'm finding out. We just got to get our money up on the on the patreon sub So and he's taller that is true She's got to get her money up on the on the patreon sub so and he's taller that is true You're actually taking fuck we are taking sweet as hell yeah, but zipper smoke cigarettes Marcia's drugs and smoke cigarettes Swap trade secrets, can I ask you a question? Is nicotine addictive? Yes, very much so. How much do you chew a day? I have no idea.

You don't count? Because you chew nicotine gum. Yeah, like nonstop. What's one gum worth? Four milligrams is like one gum. Whoa. I hit a three milligram Zim the other day just to see what the streets were saying. Did you like it?

No, I felt like I got shot in the head. So, I don't know know I've never done Zim, but I used to do grizzly long cut Yeah, like I would do fucking horseshoe all the way and I used to love that shit Oh my god, or she one of those self-describing practices. Yeah God, the fucking head rush. Self-describing practices. Yeah, it's very easy to understand. Every inch of it? Ew. All the way around, bud.

I mean, it's nasty business because you're constantly, you have to have a water bottle or a Gatorade bottle that you're spitting into all the time. And if it's a, because Braxton, when I was growing up, used to use a Pepsi bottle. And it looked just like Pepsi. Then you'd say, hey, have a cursed Pepsi. It's nasty as hell, but the head rush is fire.

Kids, smoking cigarettes is awesome. No. No, honestly, it's the worst. It's the worst addiction. I used to smoke a pack a day. Yeah, it's also you buy it forever and forever until you're dead. I'm getting into it right now. Dude, that is so weird.

Early game smoking. It's an early game. What bill do you suggest? That's the thing, because I tried at first just straight tobacco, but it was yucky, so then I went menthol build,

but it feels like it's kind of harder to progress. Yeah, when you get later. Okay, first of all, menthol is even more damaging for you, I'm pretty sure, because like... But it says men in it.

It's got like extra carcinogens, I think. But then you don't have to brush your teeth. You definitely have to brush your teeth. What? No. That's the whole point. He's already minty. He's making a good point for once. Okay, you definitely, I've seen you

walk around with camel crushes. I do got my camel crushes. Yeah, which is nasty as fuck. I don't think you should smoke. You crush them. Well, the crushes I only have as a prop. But I went to France, and then my whole family smokes. And so then I started, you know, just slinging them back.

But I can't even do one full cigarette. But I did find out it's addictive nature because my body yearns for it. And he hit one with her, with Zipper, before the podcast. Dude, that is so not good. But it's just like you have to stop immediately. It's just like a daily thing. No. No. It's,

you're describing how, multiple times a day. You're describing how addiction takes over. Dang. Let's move on. You're close. Uh, I, no,

let's not move on from this. I think we should just touch it and move on. Touch it? I smoke, you chew, what if we swap? No, I'm not.

I chew, you smoke. It's like Freaky Friday. No, I would never, I would never smoke a cigarette ever again. Alright, fine, let's quit together. What? Let's quit together. Okay. Quit what?

There you go, I quit smoking. You quit smoking? No, no, no, no, no, no. No, nicotine gum. I think you, before you follow through with this, you should get addicted to nicotine gum so you're starting at the same place. Yeah. And then you should quit together.

Nicotine gum is actually pretty good at like you can you blow bubbles with nicotine gum does it like work like that not really it's too small what's the fucking point if you swallow do you poop it out like normal gum your test is for seven years nicotine like hubba bubba or like big league chew big league chew nicotine gum would be such a like a it's like a dino nugget you know it's a shadow of the self in the other self I I pooped out gum once, and I was just like, when did I chew that? Yeah. That was when you were seven. Seven years ago.

That's real. Yeah. That's real. Yeah, it happens. I used to, when I was a kid, I used to eat gum all the time. That makes sense. I used to swallow it. Yeah.

I used to eat paper. That also makes sense. Dude, were you like the ones at school that were like, you know, you can eat this gum with the paper on it? I wasn't. The thing is, because I was about it. I didn't care if anyone knew. Oh, I see.

I was just eating it to eat it. Like you were low-key eating. Yeah, yeah. I wasn't trying to be like, check me out. I was like, I'm just trying to eat this. Yeah. I'm trying to get through this right now. That makes so much sense.

Hassan, have you ever done crack cocaine? I've never done crack. Never. I have done crack cocaine. Allegedly. I'll talk about crack cocaine. I wanted to cook crack for Thanksgiving. Uh-huh. But I don't have a connect you wanted to cook it

yeah in a turkey why not just no not in a turkey why not just get it because I wanted to make something with my hands you don't even make pasta

oh my god there's a guy I fuck fuck there's a TikTok that I watch where there's like this bald guy who's like every city I go to

I can find crack so quick so quick and he like literally explains how he got fired from his job obviously because like he was on he was on a work uh trip and he walks up to some people and he's like so what are some parts of the city that like this city seems really much nicer and then he's like the expectation is that they feed him that uh no actually there's like really bad parts and

so he asked him like where are the bad parts in the city? So I can avoid it. And then he goes there and he buys crack. That's like the meme of like, Oh, tell me that porn site. So I don't go there. Discuss it with those, those porn sites. Yeah.

I feel like it's like more believable. It's more believable because like most people would not assume that you are interested in crack. They're smoking crack. Where? Jesus. No, it's a slushy. You should have it.

That ruins life. One great glass. He was definitely more like he was cooler about it. And he filmed himself. Did he like low-key film himself? He didn't film himself like talking to the crackheads

or talking to the person. Yeah, you don't want to narc. Yeah, he was just basically talking about how like easy it is to acquire crack. And he probably Uber Eats Wiener schnitzel have like a one in ten chance Give you a little bag. Yeah, just forget that it's in there

That's what makes it really good. I want to say no wider schnitzel one day I don't know why anyone would ever order from there and for any other reason so they want hot dogs. No You where else would you go? Okay? Right now where do you go? I don't I never Dry sausage right now because we got a big dress I feel like that's one of those things that's like illegal to ship to America. Oh yeah, for sure. Like, you know what I mean?

Like the little beagle is like waiting for you. That's his day. I told this story on the Primo, but I had a racist TSA agent and she didn't give a fuck. She let me do everything. What do you mean racist? Well, she was patting down. Like against white people? Well, the Chinese actually. She was patting down a Chinese woman.

And then she was speaking to the chinese woman in french and the chinese woman spoke english in chinese and then mandarin and then so but she would still start every sentence in french so she'd be like she'd be like and then the woman would be like and she'd be like and then the woman would do it and as she walked because she had to check my bag out away from the Chinese woman she said the chinois

like that what does that mean like the Chinese oh like curse the Chinese I didn't even understand contextually I can't even hear racism

that's how not racist I am thank you that's yeah so she still holds a grudge this TSA agent it's because she's got beef that they copied the whole city of Paris

they did do it and it failed what the billion dollar have you not seen this i mean try guys just made it not try guys yes yes theory just try guys but you know how like in asia paris is one of like the premier destination points yes the chinese government saw this in in some builders want to take opportunity can you look up the chinese par Paris? They said we can run that shit. They built literally Paris in China. Yeah, and it looks like Land like Legoland literally. Yeah I don't know why I have a team vitality eSports Center No disrespect, but like Paris is kind of mid so wait wait did they make this like

They did this and they need the fat guy. This actually is a mid but like paris is kind of mid so wait wait did they make this like uh they did this they need the fat guy this actually is a mid-off this is they need the fat guy for it to be real you know they did this in las vegas already yeah but like they just was way worse one like eiffel tower in vegas they try to build like a fucking whole city yeah it's this as someone who's been to both the Vegas one is better Yeah, okay, are you talking about Vegas as a whole or specifically Paris Vegas Harris in not Paris Where the Eiffel Tower is in Vegas? Okay, that is litter. That's insane. It's actually such a It's not even one of the better casinos it's like it's like it's better than the real Eiffel Tower

Okay fair. There's less poop on the ground That's all we're saying what about the Sean's Elise a where we got to hang out with the pups you what shot? Chances a what is that? I was saying I was Sean and then Lise in the casino It doesn't matter I was thinking that was Sean and Lise in the casino in Paris what does Sean and Lise mean? it doesn't matter he is literally always like a semester at Sea Kid he just constantly behaves like he's French whoa

I am French I see what you're saying because it's fucking annoying he is constantly trying to invoke his across the Pacific privilege. Sorry, the Atlantic. But when it only suits him. But when it doesn't suit him, he's a red-blooded goddamn American. Goddamn long cut his mouth. He loves the Patriots.

Well, uneasy growing up in an immigrant child. He does it. Put her there. Put her there. In New Hampshire. Yeah. You were discriminated against. When I would bring my ratatouille to school, they'd go, ew.

Open your ratatouille lunch. It's like you're wearing a beret. It's like you're living two lives. And I'd go to school and I'd be like, I love PB&J. And then I'd come home and I'd be like, salut maman. Ah, I hate this PB&J. I'm so cheated. Mel has admitted me at the billiard and the prize as well. I hate this, I hate this PPRJ. It's so shitty.

It's mad. It made me get a burger and fries as well. All I wanted was some foie gras. What are you? What? What are you? What are you? What are we?

Is that like a way to like open up a new conversation? Are you like... I'm Turkish. You're Turkish? Yeah. Full on, 100%. Yes. You have a green card? 23andMe, they checked your cum, they were like he's Turkish. I don't think you cum on 23andMe.

Well, How else would they know? You send them what you got. Blood spit, cum, jaggers. You sent them the Neapolitan cocktail. I'm Turkish, my father's side is Turkish by way of

Greece so they're like there's like a border swap that happened they switched populations they came from Salonik I think and then Crete it's an island

so then on my mother's side, however, I'm from Kilis, which is the southeastern point. It's like basically border Syria. He also uses the staff in Soul Calibur. Yeah, he's pretty good. The glitch. Ta-ta-ta!

That's what Kilik does. That's what it does? Oh, it's a person. Yeah. On the Xbox, you can be Yoda. It's so annoying how he doesn't listen. That's what it does. I don't think it will oh it's a person yeah I have no idea what the fuck you Oh, I never play Soul Calibur, I don't know Blue-Leg games in Like you could like buy they would just be, hey, this is Tekken 5, and it wasn't out yet? You were born in America?

That definitely happened. I was born in America. That definitely happened. I had Pokemon Green, which from what I understand is not a real version of Pokemon. I think they bricked it or something. No, it was the original one in Japan. It was Japan only. You foolapan or i was japan only fool i i had i but that was but that was game boy game was like much harder to bootleg but in turkey

because when i was growing up like things would come to turkey like much later like harry potter as a movie franchise but like you know they do mass release in north america and then like months later maybe a year later would come to turkey right so for that reason we had like an entire i mean i'm certain we still do a major black market for you know bootleg shit do you guys have every video game basically because it was all like there are storefronts brick and mortar storefronts where they would straight up just sell exclusively cracked dvds and video games there's so much bootleg shit in europe yeah it's a great this is what it's like in hong kong too you could go you'd go buy your wii or your xbox and it was

cracked and then they'd give you a hard drive with a thousand games on it yeah we don't have we had gamestop growing up right yeah but like homegrown capitalism even like in France, they would just have like a street vendor with a bunch of Prada purses and they would just be there. Okay, but that also existed in America too. Remember that sleeping kid that freaked you out? Huh? Remember that sleeping child on the floor that freaked you out? It was just freaking me out that you slept him.

You killed a child in France? No. No, he was sleeping. Yeah, a French child. There was just a French child and it freaked him out. It didn't freak me out. It was sadder to see the homeless child than the? No. Oh, he was sleeping. Yeah, a French child. There was just a French child and it freaked him out. It didn't freak me out. It was sadder to see the homeless child than the homeless adult. And that's

discrimination. Yeah, I discriminate against ages. Wow. If you're homeless in 99, it's... Oh, why? Because they're not going to be homeless much longer. Why? Because they're going to become housed? Because they're going to God's house.

They're going to big houses upstairs. But if they're homeless and they're gonna become housed? Because they're going to God's house. They're going to a big house upstairs. But if they're homeless and they're nine, then that's sad. First of all, it's unhoused. Second of all, if you're French, you don't deserve a home. No. You don't deserve a home. If you're not a nuclear bomb, and you copied the wave like they copied our fucking wave, you guys are the France of podcasts. Real. Deadass. And we're the fucking United States and France copied the US's wave because they got the nuclear power after

nuclear bomb do you consider yourself Turkish like I consider myself French I consider myself American it is so gross you go to high school here no where do you go to high school Turkey and I'm fucking cool Yeah I came to America When I was 18 Do you guys have social studies? Yeah Did you have Turkish prom? Shut up For high school we did But only because it was like a

What? For high school we did have prom yes Because it was like It was like a It was like a wannabe American prom type situation Do you have Sadie Hawkins? What's that?

It's where girls ask the guys. It's Tolo. I don't know what those things are. Did you have, did you get a date to prom? No. Were you a loser? Well, it wasn't like that. That's a weird answer.

It was, no, no, no, I was a loser, but it wasn't like that in the sense of like prom wasn't like oh this is my date to prom and like we're it wasn't like a like a partner thing wait like you didn't have like a partner like a senior night it was a fake the fuck just because you're a holist no no no i was no we all like it wasn't like you didn't have a date i ran to the lunch line because there's limited amounts you just like went with a girl but like it wasn't like a date because I didn't have one. So it was like everyone. I'm 100% admitting that I was bitchless. Okay.

I was wholist. Like I had no bitches. Straight up. Talk about women that way. I was. Bro. It's wrong. I don't say bitches.

What the hell? When did you first say that? I'm just going to fit in. I'm just going to fit in because you guys are misogynistic. I mean, we have. We're not misogynistic. I'm not even close to that. Why is that funny?

I don't even know what that means. I couldn't read it if I don't know that. I'm sorry. I thought I was fitting in. When did you lose your virginity? 18, when I came to America. Of age. But I'm glad.

I'm glad that you finally got that done. Look at you. Your hands are like, let me touch your hands. Dude, his thumb thumbs all fucked up On his right hand On my left hand too And you can do this What the fuck happened

To his thumb He's got a hitchhiker's thumb What did you do No no no the other way Like that God Ew He's got a hitchhiker's thumb

He's got a weird Fucked up thumb Have you I've been told By partners in the past That I have beautiful hands You do have beautiful hands. Do you think so?

Wait, why does, you have no hair on your hands? Yeah, maybe that's why they're beautiful. Yeah, that's crazy. It's just like, it just stops. Yeah. You do have nice hands. How about me? Because you're delicate.

Your hands are all right. Your hands look like your ass. Unremarkable. Oh my God. Wow. He's blowing up. Why are you being so rude? Well, because that's how we bond with each other.

It's the last episode. I don't know. We have a girl, gay guy type situation going on in our podcast, so I don't know how men bond. Oh, well, we all insult each other, and then it's kiss time. Yep. And kiss time goes for about four or five minutes. Okay, so that's identical to our podcast.

Are you willing to take back the claims that i'm not a jock live on this podcast why would i do that because it's the truth and i think that's what you care about he jocks hard he's joking i feel like this was your anime villain arc like you heard me and will laugh directly at cutie's face and it wasn't like a oh we're just playing it out for the camera type situation. It was like a very honest Yeah, what was this about what did she say she said I am not members attracted to Conventionally attractive people and like Ludwig's like the most jock like person I've ever dated and then they stopped bars by the way verbatim You remember that that's very suspicious You wouldn't remember what a woman says he's just reviewing the tape with suspenders and a gun in a holster

looking at like a fucking detective fucking audiophile red string connected and then you and Will laughed like hyenas like she said women should vote there's something else sexist that you guys laugh at what's the funny part are you saying that so he is or isn't a jock

Is not He's not a jock Oh okay Are you a jock No I wouldn't say I'm a jock Who's a jock Give me an example

Of a jock in your head Who is a jock That you wouldn't suspect And you don't have to pick me You can like pick someone That like Well I wasn't gonna pick anyone here Who has the obvious example

I mean Aiden would probably Be the closest But like not really You know what I mean He jocks A jock is A jock more like Doc He's that guy He's not but like He be the closest, but not really. You know what I mean? You jock something. I'm jocking. I'm jocking. You jock more like Doc. He's not, but he's the closest out of you guys.

I'm a jock Hassan. That'll be your epitaph. He played field hockey in high school. He couldn't watch The Simpsons. I'm jocking. That's the sport that he played. What sport did you play? I played soccer.

Soccer. He's not called Tickle Party. He was called Soccer. And then soccer Soccer got really hard In like 7th grade You're not allowed to put Tickle party if you're a junior

I played until sophomore year I was a JV tickle party Yeah Starter Shit got crazy out there In the tickle fields Um So

Who would be a jock That we all know Like Nice wig Nice wig would be a A jock I don't know who that is Okay jock? Nice wig would be a jock. I don't know who that is. Okay.

What about Will? I can accept that. He'd play ball. Will's jockish. Yeah, Will's a jock. For sure. Tell me Will is not a theater kid. Tell me that.

Will is a unique person because he is a theater kid 100%, like through and through to his goddamn core, but also a jock at the same time. I don't believe some of the words that he says. Yeah, he's Troy. He's Troy from High School Musical. That's perfectly valid. Okay.

He loves embellishing. He'll come up to me and be like- He has a really good way of storytelling. Like, dude, we have to hang out more. I just fucking feel your energy. We just vibe. And he'll do that at a party, and I'm like, I gotta be the seventh person he said that to.

It does feel, sometimes he feels so sincere that it's like, he doesn't mean this. I can't. He can't mean this so much to me. The position we're in is crazy. We just gotta sit back and soak it in. Like, we have done insane stuff. We gotta suck the dick of today. Will never says that to me.

He's never said those things to me. Hassan, you and me, we're gonna be together forever. I feel kind of bad now. What's the nicest thing Wills ever said to you? You're my best friend. Oh my god. Yeah, that's so Yeah Oh, sorry about that sorry

you're so juicy I can't wait to go into your stream room and podcast well we have a studio they have a studio have you used it no

okay so you don't have a studio we could technically use it today let me guess it's like a front yard when you come over no it's not

it's not like that it's like yeah I have a question what's up so alright you take everyone from our podcast and you take everyone from your podcast No, it's not. It's not like that. I have a question. What's up? So, all right, you take everyone from our podcast, and you take everyone from your podcast, and you put them all on a board,

and you can only take three, not including yourself, to make the perfect podcast. Yeah. Who's your roster? Probably swap up Aiden for Austin and then that's it wait no this is good for you I thought I was getting rotated you're keeping all of it you're in you're in

we gave you yeah we gave like we're giving you guys Austin I'm so used to being brought down that I wasn't even ready Aiden couldn't handle her I prepped my sadness Austin couldn't handle our podcast I'm so used to being brought down that I wasn't even ready. I prepped my sadness. Austin couldn't handle our podcast. Yeah, we'd break him like a mule.

We'd break him like a mule. I would unearth shit in his life that, oh my god. I'd bring him to the tattered edge of his humanity. And he'd like it. But he does have cum gutters. He does. He's shredded. He's out of control. He needs to drink more water. No one he does have cum gutters. He does. He's shredded. He's out of control. He needs to drink more water.

No one should be having cum gutters. He has. It's unhealthy. He has cum gutters. He has incredible pectorals. Like, he's just got it all. Yeah. Is he on D-Bowl?

No, he doesn't do... He doesn't... He's just a rich guy. Shit. Like, he has, like, a personal chef and a personal trainer. Holy fuck. Personal chef. I mean, so do I, I guess. I think it's just more rich guy. Shit. Like, he has like a personal chef and a personal trainer. Holy fuck. Personal chef. Yeah.

I mean, so do I, I guess. I think it's just more like a meal. Mine's Uber Eats. Yeah, same. My mom. Professional chef and driver. Mine is my mom and my dad. That's so cool.

Yeah. Thank you. Do they ever... Talk about me. Do they ever scold? Do they ever talk about Nick? They do not talk about Nick. I think you don't bring me up enough.

That's probably a problem. That's cool. Oh, speaking of mothers, I visited my mother this past week. Yeah. How's she doing? She's doing really well, actually. She was very happy to see that it was her first family reunion in five years. And a little context for you, Hasan, on a previous podcast, Cutie was on, which is a long time

coming. And in response to this these three made a powerpoint presentation about why she wasn't on and and nick had a good reason why didn't you have one so i'm gonna get because i have asked for her to be on and didn't know she was coming on oh so you didn't know the love of your life your other half the person that makes you whole sometimes i feel like i talk i talk to Cutie more than I think Ludwig does sometimes. It's not true. That's a fun fact.

And she also says that he hates you. Anyway, I wasn't done talking. And so Aiden made a PowerPoint presentation. His reason for Cutie not being on was that it'd be awkward because he saw my mother. All right? And then I called my mom to confront this. And I said, and I said, I try to fucking make Aiden feel bad, but she misunderstood me because she's foreign.

And she understood. Such contempt when he said it. I know. That was very American. He heard it, right? He jumped out. Yeah. Because she's foreign.

Yeah. God bless her heart. And then she said something made it sound like she knew Aiden was coming around. Anyway, after the pod, I call her. She's foreign. God bless her heart. And then she said something made it sound like she knew Aiden was coming around. Anyway, after the pod, I call her. She's sad. She's like, Aiden shouldn't have done that to me. That was dog. She used different words.

But that was the heart of it. And when I saw her, I brought it up again. And she watched the clip. She watched the pod. Oh, no, dude. And she understood the whole context of like, oh, yes, the way I interpreted what you said on the phone, I came off as if I was agreeing, but I did not agree Gross and then and then she and you she used Aiden used to be your favorite

She said Aiden is no longer my favorite and then I said who's your favorite mom and she went it's slime Let's fucking go baby. Let's fucking go baby. She said that you were very sweet at my birthday. Oh my god That's what I said to sweet and charming at my birthday and she appreciated that and you're fucking down Mario I don't to tell you you're not and you're never coming up You know what you know what you is a miserable about this Yes, because I said I sit through a fucking two years of these two fucks talking about sleeping with my mom and then my mom actually happened she's

beautiful my real sleeping with my mom on and off the show multiple times you understand you know what happens when I visit home and I talk to my mom about them she's always she wants to hang out with them. I would love. She wants to spend more time with them all. I would love. That's why I always joke about having sex with Ludwig's mom. You should point out how it's Ludwig's mom's fault more.

She would think you're two people in a freaking trench coat. In a man's sex. Oh my god. Well, look, you fucked up. I feel so bad. I didn't fuck up because when I show up to the function, rare, rare, but real. You did fuck up. I make everyone so fucking happy.

You were at the bottom of the PR for two years. Yeah, but all I had to do was show up, do a little jazz hands, and what's up? Favorite, number one, PRs, you were ranked. I feel worse for Nick because now he's just like. No, I'm chilling with this. I'm Mario. Okay. Even stats.

Like, no hate, no love. I'm just a this. I'm Mario. Even stats. No hate. No love. I'm just surviving. I'm a legend now. No risk, no reward. There was a time though. I remember there was a time where you said I was the favorite. You were high up for a moment. Why was he up? I practiced a lot that year. It was early. He picks it up quick, but

he tries to rely on talent more than hard work and talent did not cut out yeah you really got to put in the hours and some of us did another thing about your mom is that i already upset her and i felt really bad so i've already gone through what he's gone through and this is why you shouldn't feel bad because you can come back like he did she was on the show we did an episode at his home in his home backyard and she showed up on it and then after she left i was like she's got a little attitude i was making a joke but she didn't like that and it made her feel bad and every because she was shy to go on in the first place and then slime gets all lippy at her

that she knows what aiden said about 80 episodes ago about uh how she has how she walks around and Hollis on all fours You you said it and then Caleb said She had a horse's beep and then Caleb said no, it's good. It's like big You said that she's walking around Hollis on all fours. I don't make it a point. I think you're Lois Pryor now. You just got knocked down. I just got dumped into Losers' Q. I love it.

I called his mother a goat. She knows you too because I showed my whole family your dog. Oh, nice. You're a big-ass dog, bro. Because you're holding your dog. What did they say? Actually, it wasn't even me. I was looking through my phone on Twitter,

and then my 10-year year old cousin saw it and went dog. And then took my phone and look, went look dog to everybody. Uh huh. And she. Do they like, does your family like me? They thought, well, they like the dog. That's good.

And that's half the battle. Cause he doesn't even have a dog. Yeah. No dog in here. I already know what I'm going to do. What are you going to do? I'm making it up to her. He's going to adopt a dog.

Because I feel genuinely bad because I just wanted to get Ludwig and Ludwig's mom is wonderful and she's always been very pleasant. Do you feel bad you called her a hooved animal too? Uh, yeah. Convincing. A resounding yes. I mean, I don't... This is...

Yeah. Yes. I regret it I regret making my my comments I have a very I never lied to her

and I tell her everything very up front do you do this with your mother does your mother understand what you do fully yeah

and does she if you're if you come back and you're like man I had this chatter who said that I freaking

said that I'm on trend I'm on trend to stab a child but I'm not she'd be that I freaking... Said that I'm on trend. I'm on trend. But I'm not. She'd be like, ugh. Yeah, no, she knows. I had it out with him about this because we went to go play basketball after the podcast happened

and he told his mom verbatim what happened. Pause. What happened to basketball? Hmm? Did he beat you? No, my team won. I won all the games that day. To be clear, we were all on the same team. But I was talking about the 1v1.

Yeah, and then when we played against each other, I also continued to win. Did he win the 1v1? He says that he did. It's confusing that you brought it up. Yeah, I feel like... I won the 1v1. Wait, why are you... He says he won it.

Why do you do this regularly? I won the 1v1 against Will and F2. But he says he won the 1v1. Wait, I'm sorry, but there was a... Who won it? We've never played one-on-one. Well, we played one-on-one-on-one. Wait, what? Like 21 but there was a- Who won it? We've never played one-on-one. Well, we played one-on-one on one. Wait, what, like 21?

We played 21. Oh, okay. Who was the third? Who was the third? Jesus Christ. No, Jake Drizzle. Jake said bot. Wait, wait, it was bot, right?

I got second in Thunder, though. So you- What's so funny? What's happening? Why are you guys playing so much basketball? Because I like the sport. Ah, I love the game. I don't know. Being athletic. Thank you.

Uh-huh. 20% skill, et cetera. And we also have to go up against Fear And. And so we need to- We are going to show you guys. You're not. We are going to fucking eviscerate you guys. Oh my god, Fear And. We actually have a pretty good-

Fear And's sucking at basketball. Fear And has not played any basketball in years at this point since you defeated him in the 1v1. I didn't make him look like a small child on a milk carton. You were cheating pretty hard. It also doesn't matter. I'm going to give every single one of you and us diarrhea.

Wait, how? And the whole event will be called off. Do you think Cutie is better than Slime at basketball? I think it's like with diarrhea.

She can dribble without diarrhea. She can dribble with diarrhea. She's definitely better than Slime. I think Slime is probably pound for pound the worst basketball player. That's not my sport. I know. I've never, I don't know. What's definitely better than Sly. I think Sly is probably, pound for pound, the worst basketball player.

That's not my sport. I know. What's your sport? Drums. Soccer. Drums? Yeah. Well, we tried soccer.

We did that. I think I'd have fun playing soccer. I can run a lot. Also, field hockey. You don't know the rules of field hockey. You hit the ball with the puck. Do you know the engage rule? The ball with the puck? The engage rule?

Yeah. No. What does that mean? If like somebody comes up to you, you can't fucking skirt them. You have to do the engage. Yeah, I would do that. What's the engage? Like fucking fight with the sticks. I don't know. Yeah, I wouldn't check somebody. So you don't know the engage rule? It's like basically you can't like fucking like back ass

the ball to the line. If like someone comes up you gotta do do a little battle you have to do a duel so does that make any sense to you Hasan? are you learning a lot about field hockey? I don't know anything about field hockey I'm glad you brought this up well you know what here's the thing

cutie with diarrhea does beat me because women can do anything number two I would give all of you guys diarrhea and ourselves and so we wouldn't have to play fucking basketball and I could live on with my life. Also, I feel like Cutie has grit like in her diarrhea, especially especially if we were like

competing in a physical competition or anything for that matter, like because it's you guys, she would probably put in extra work. She can imagine like Taylor Swift's watching or dying. Watching from a hospital bed. She made I don't know if you saw this, she made a meme when she came on.

She made a shirt that said, aiming forever in our hearts. Yeah. And then sold it online. Yeah. I got the numbers for how much she made from that. Holy shit. How many did she sell?

She sold thousands. What? And she made 50K. No way. Selling this shirt. Dude, what? Wow. She rinsed us.

We just let her get away with it. Rinsed us? That's my face! That's crazy. We're talking about business, man. All right. She rinsed you most of all? 50k?

We should get a piece of this. We should just be selling shirts with me on it? It's not the same if you sell it. I wouldn't want to buy that, but right now I'm thinking, like, maybe I could get it on StockX or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The cutie ones. Go on Grailed to get the Aiden shirt. Grailed, Gildan, Aiden shirt.

Slightly distressed. Wow, she took us for a ride, bro. Took us for a ride. We kind of owe her. We do owe her for that, yeah. 50 bands, though. 50 bandos. That's crazy.

What the fuck? That's like an appearance fee for her. Good shit. Dude, that's like freaking a lot of money. I think so, too. The cash. Well, she finessed us. I'm glad.

You will never finesse us. In fact, you've been finessing us. Copy! And you haven't asked us to hang out. You haven't asked us to hang out. I'm also confused by that, those two sentences. Yeah, how have I been finessing you guys? We started a podcast and then Will Neff was probably like dude we need to fucking get on this

And you were like all right I don't know wait did you guys start the yard when Will and I started our podcast or was it after? We did it 2004 Wait wait you're asking if the before or after Fear and? So there were two versions of Fear and. Yeah, Fear and Molding was the OG podcast

that Will and I had. This was before that. And I think we might have started it like exactly at the same time. That's weird. We can't know because you deleted

all your shit. Weird that it's the same time. Well, it was a long time. A couple days after. You book burned your podcast. What do you mean? You can't find it on the internet. You burned all the literature.

Oh, I didn't have a say. Hassan the censor? Yeah, I don't know what the fuck goes on. Wow. You decide. You decide if Hassan hates free speech. I do hate free speech. Hassan burned books?

Could be you. Could be you next. Yeah. Yeah, first books and then you jump off to humans. Burn a guy. Yeah. Burn a and then you jump off to humans. Burn a guy. Yeah. Burn a guy. Listen to me, dude. What's so funny? Chuckle fucks. I'm listening. What do you

want? I'm listening. Please continue. Go ahead, please. You owe us a piece. I want a Marsh-sized piece. I want Marsh's finger. I'll give you guys a... I want a Marsh-sized piece. I want Marsh's finger. I want one of Marsh's fingers. We want him to cut off like the guy in Mission Impossible 2 with the cigar holder. I think we can, best we can do is give you guys our body pillows that are gonna come

out soon. Nat, you're lying. Deal. Yeah, we have. No, don't say deal. I want that. We were gonna get nothing, now we're gonna get body pillows. We were gonna get nothing. You'll get body pillows. I will take say deal. I want that. You don't just... He didn't... We were going to get nothing. Now we're going to get body pillows. You were going to get nothing.

You'll get body pillows. I will take the deal. We're making body pillows. Can I try on your ring? Here. Me, Austin, and... Pinky, put it on your middle... Your thumb.

Put it on your thumb. It's on my finger. It was on his pinky. Yeah. Can I keep this? No. It's a ring. You already have a bunch of my jewelry.

Wait, so you said no, he can't keep that. Yeah, because he already has a bunch of my jewelry wait so you said no he can't keep that yeah because he already has a bunch of my jewelry why do you keep giving him your jewelry i don't he just like comes in and steals it so he doesn't ask and then you just give it to him i don't really care it's fine i mean but you're drawing a line right now yeah i like that i gave i gave it back already no what do you what do you say i gave it back if you guess which fingers it's on i'll give it back if you guess which fingers it's on I'll give it back to you I'm gonna take it

after the show give somebody drinks cause if when you backhand Marsh yeah when he fucks up the audio yeah I should be backhanding

way more than I'm saying he fucks up the audio every week I probably am not backhanding dude it is crazy cause Fear And

as the as the top viewed Fear And episode, was me. Dubbin? Was it Dubbin? It's me. I like how every time I say this, he always searches his mind canal. Like, it's not fucking.

It wasn't fucking knows. Let me see. Let's look this up. Oh, you want the numbers? He probably knows. He probably knows that it's the most viewed. I do know. As a fan, you also know as a fact.

But I like how you look it up because you're not sure. I always want it. I don't want to believe it that's why i mean aiden top dead you look at it we are we are no way my fucking go my ghost i don't think so anyway he says you don't think so yeah any homophobia with the son ludwig and austin show is the top fear uh top fear and so we may i'm we may i made the podcast then these guys also made we made the podcast Oh, god damn it cutie Cinderella recaps the shimmer words Yeah, the number two one and it's not looking like it's gonna catch up It sounds like you're in the backpack bitch. You're in the back

I would like to say that I made you I would like to say that I made you. Yeah. Okay. Fucking tell us. You asked the top ten. You guys are not anywhere near the top ten. I'm sorry.

We were talking about this. Can Aiden take over your stream for a day? What is he going to do? He'd talk about all the same talking points. Talk about Hamas. All right, everybody sit down. We're going to start in 1908. That's the year he starts. You might be wondering why these countries have nuclear weapons.

We're about to talk about that. He can tell you every country has nukes. Yeah, I can do that. What else can you tell me? He's really smart. I can do it like the state song. You can do it. But that's not it.

It's really short. Sweet, you know a lot else about geopolitical shit, right? Yeah. He talked about Korea. Come on, come on. I'll tell you all about Azerbaijan. You know what lot else about geopolitical shit, right? Yeah. He talked about Korea. Come on, come on, come on. I'll tell you all about Azerbaijan. You know what's really interesting? Because when he was on the pod, he was on Fear And,

he was complaining about how you guys never talked to him about politics. That's not fucking true, you piece of shit. It is true. I always talk to you about politics. And he's always looking for someone. He talks to me about politics the most, and it is not very much. I know more than him This is this was my example to Hassan is like the Kevin McCarthy voting stuff was happening

And I was like this shit is insane and then I came into the room to tell them sitting on the couch about it And no one cared You are similar in the sense that I could ask you both a question about anything in the world, and you'd both take the time to answer it equally, no matter how much importance the question has. So I could ask about

McCarthy, or I could ask like, what's the largest fruit you could put in your ass? And Aiden would take them both seriously, and I'd rather know about the fruit. Real. Because it's more about him. I don't know if I could think about the fruit ass thing

as hard as like any kind of politics stuff so I feel like I only have one note. Do you think it'd be a strawberry? What's the biggest fruit I could put in my ass? I don't know. It's kind of a question of fear as well as size. I've Beer and fruit

I've taken big shits So I feel like Oh my god bro Even like a sizable eggplant You don't even You don't even crack the PR This guy's This guy's Michael Jordan

I would love to see a fucking one This guy's like I played Smash growing up I'm like so good at it Dude it's like that Wait really You're that confident in your shit I'm a big stepper

His shits look like forearms Dude that's awesome This you This you I am going Well I also have like i eat a lot of fiber so sometimes like he maxes you want big shit that's not a good strat no no i well that's the thing i i have the best shitting schedule like incredible schedule every day yeah i do have a day i installed it he you forgot uh you guys fucked up my bathroom so

i take the second floor that's why that's why it doesn't work so i i take uh shits in the same time every day like i wake up immediately boom how many today do you take uh i take two poops usually that's so lucky no no hold on i take two poops because i eat a lot of fiber you should eat more fiber I take two poops just because I eat a lot of fiber. You should eat more fiber. I take two poops. No. I take my first shit when I wake up and then I drink coffee

and I take another shit. And then that's it. Dude you're a stack of fat? It's your fucking potion? Yeah. You're doing a little cleanse every morning. You have great libido

for your butt. That's why I said I could take like a big eggplant. Dude his butt libido is crazy. But the thing is they're not like they're not solid. Like they're not like they're not solid like they're

Sometimes you're so lucky. That's gross me. It's cuz I eat a lot of fiber. Yeah, well if you eat too much You know it did your fiber from Fiber gummies I eat a lot of like I'm fiber maxing. Yeah, I find that a measles bad No, I don't do men. I'm so? Because the thing that makes you have fiber and metamucil, they put less and less and less and more and more filler, and you can just get the thing itself, which is, I think, a mushroom extract or something. Is it a pill?

Can you look up the metamucil thing that makes your shit all good? I would so much rather it be a pill because I drink metamucil. For me, I have a sweet tooth. I have a big sweet tooth. your shit all good so much rather it be a pill because i drink venom useful for me i there's this uh i'm big i have a sweet tooth right i'm a big i have a big yummy little candy for your brain you like chocolate and candy and sweets now smart sweets that's what i eat and they're like i mean you get them pokemon cookies no they make you poop your brains out with them i did have pokemon cookies what the fuck is that i have something from from France for you to try. What? I don't want to try that. Just have a little piece of my nougat.

We all had some. Have a little piece of my nougat. It's fougarot. Give me the disc. No, no, no, I want mine. This does not look very good. It's nougat. It's made with almonds. Are you allergic to anything?

No. Then it's gonna be good for you. This is the shit they- When you buy shit on Amazon, this comes in the package. It's not bad. Nah, it's not bad. It's from Boaz. Guess what fruit that is.

Plum. Raspberry. Raspberry. Yeah, oh my gosh. Is it similar in Turkish? All right. That's bad content. In Swedish,

that's Yergeber. I had a question for you. I forgot you're reading it. But I forgot what it was. Zipper, the TV's not working. You don't remember? No.

What the fuck use are you, man? He said he wants a piece. Oh, I do want a piece. Well, we deserve a piece. That's what we do. Yeah, because I made you. I told you. He made you?

Yeah. You made your asshole feel good all night. What are you saying about? Are you jealous? I don't remember what I was going to ask. Are you jealous that we're sharing booty pleasure? I don't know if that's what's happening for sure. I could crawl inside there probably.

Okay. I was talking about if you ever had a- You're the biggest fruit that can go in his neck. Take him. Have you ever had a prostate orgasm? No. Have you? Have you?

Have I? No. Do you? Have you? Have I? No. Do you have 20 minutes? Will you be in the premium episode? Because we can arrange a twofer. Basically, Aiden is starting a business. And he will. It's like Uber Eats. But it's also in your prostate.

It's like Uber Eats in your prostate. No tips required. Basically, you get on your phone. You queue up a guy. And then he drives to your house. And then he works his magic within 20 minutes. I think that's prostitution. No. Because it's an awakening.

There's a prostate clause for prostitution. That's where pro comes from. Prostate orgasms are outside of the, what do you call it? The handshake agreement that is It's literally sodomy which is extra illegal

and words that don't mean anything to me don't matter. Why don't they call it Gomorrah-y? How is that sodomy but how is pooping not real?

Yeah put that on your fucking Twitch stream because How about you handle the real fucking issues idiot? Yeah I should be talking about this

you're right. How is pooping not having sex with poop? This is- well that's a terrible question. How- no it's not! Answer my question! Because it doesn't touch your prostate. That doesn't matter. Sometimes penises don't touch prostate, Aiden's could never. Bad pipe doesn't mean that it's like the same thing. Are we not having sex with our poop when it's coming out of our ass?

No! We're not having sex with the toilet. We need to- Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm poop when it's coming out of our ass. We're not having sex with the toilet. I would argue that it was all a ruse. It was all a ruse. I've been straight the whole time. We can't talk about this anymore. Okay, serious question. Do you think when you pee you're sounding? What a great question,

Ahsan. Finally you fucking bring something to the podcast. Finally, bro. Yes. Of course. That's insane. That's reverse sounding. I feel like you're just, you're literally just saying that so you can continue along your- Isn't it inherently- What are you- What are you-

Isn't it inherently not sounding because you're saying reverse sounding? It's not sounding. Something is still occupying the space inside of your wiener hole. This is our most sexually charged episode yet. Not even close. I don't know why this happened. It's not close. Are you-

Have you ever seen- I'm sorry. Do you know what the show Blue Mountain State is? Fuck yeah. Give me a hell. Give me a... Yeah. The fucking oil change episode is what I'm thinking of right now.

I don't remember the specific episodes, but I did watch that show. You know what else I watched in Turkey growing up? Greek. Like the... Get them to the Greek. It's close. No, I think it was... No, just Greek.

It was like a like i don't even know if it was an abc show like it was like a really shit tier about frats drama about like sororities and fraternities did you love it i heard this i watched it and i thought it was sick i watched a piece of media that changed your life? Entourage. Oh, my God. Really? Yeah. Okay, I like how you're being honest, so I won't be too mean here, but that's insane. Entourage, when I was a little kid, I was like, dude, that's the life.

That is the sickest life. Were you a Vinny or were you an E? Or were you a turtle? You're a fat little turtle. Or were you Johnny Drama? No, Vinny's the main guy, turtle? Wait. Were you a fat little turtle? No. Or were you Johnny Drama? No, Vinny's the main guy, right? Yeah. Yeah, I fancied myself to be a Vinny, for sure.

But, I mean, the guy sucks. Like, that guy kind of sucks in real life. He also, Adrian Grenier, who is the actor who played Vincent Chase in Entourage, had a tabloid story come out where a young woman blew him, and she said he had the stinkiest penis she had ever encountered. This is true. I used to read celebrity news every day at my old job. And this was a whole scoop.

Have you heard about the drama? He's the stinkiest penis. That's exactly how it was. Yeah, apparently. I mean, that's a pretty good story. And this young woman ran to the presses. And then there was a guy with a hat that was saying, X-tree, X-tree.

Yeah, you won't believe the dick I sucked, guys. Yeah. That shit was stinky. And that scared me straight, because every time I was like, I never want to have, I never want someone to run and tell. I never want to come in second place. And you're driving like beyond the summit.

You were like, one day I'm going to be famous, and I don't want any lady to talk about. So I look up at him and i pause and he kind of looks down at me with this smile he does in the show so yeah so basically this person he's uncut this is not a live dream don't shout that out don't shout that out that was a hate crime to shout that out yeah shout what because he's trying to allude that it's because he's uncut yeah no we look at i'm just saying yeah we know i'm i'm being hateful i didn't say you make a choice you're you're a you're a political streamer uh-huh

but you're also on twitch yeah i don't mind i don't mind being if i gagged you from ever talking about politics again what would you do on stream would you do a game would you i would watch like-ass videos. I used to do that way more when I wasn't talking about politics. You'd be a reactor? I'd probably do reacts. I'd probably have to work harder. They've taken down XQC.

Are you worried they're coming for you next? No. We are. No. Now that you know, are you worried? No. Have they taken down XQC? Now that you know, are you worried?

No. Have they taken down XQC? His YouTube channel got taken down for unfortunately having too many copy strikes. Unclear if this will stay the case, but he has definitely reacted to enough stuff and uploaded it that- And also goaded people into taking his videos down as well. You have enough stuff that you could get taken down. No. I could personally do it.

You have done enough magamail. No. you mean though not on my no you keep saying no but you're not saying why because i don't because he's wrong is it from any hasan run channel oh that might happen yeah but i'm talking about my own personal youtube channel is that your only channel i have three three channels that I have. I have Hasanabi Gaming. Uh-huh. I have That one hasn't had an upload in eight years. That's not true. We upload a lot quite frequently. As a matter of fact, I do play video games.

He says we like a conglomerate. Yeah. We do operate like a conglomerate. I have my own main page like Hasanabi. The one you feel confident about. Yeah, 100%. And then the other one is just vlogs. So it's Hasan. That one is Hasan. It's like hard to find. That's the one you feel confident about yeah 100 and then the other one is just vlogs so it's hasan that one is hasan it's like hard to find that's the one that asanox manages i can take you down no you can't i will do it try okay he said it challenge accepted he has a

really confident tone it's insane how confident he sounds it's because my main channel this is like this is actually one of the things that i talked about with like reactgate all the time was that like all of the channels that you see on youtube that are like that have hundreds of thousands of subscribers and they have like hasanabi productions hasanabi laughter hasanabi reacts whatever all those channels are completely owned and operated by random fans i do not run those channels i do not touch the revenue on those channels i've i have told youtube to not take them down in the past because like youtube is very aggressive in in demonetizing channels saying that they have a duplicate content or whatever um but i have always had a principle that i don't really care about ip and if you want to use my ip go ahead have fun with it

as long as you're not like disparaging me or like i'm not hasan what oh hi hasan i'm using your ip forever i'm you what happened to your it's great uh i pooped out of it oh i feel like i could take you down for a day no i could do it there's not i don't think there's a single video that I have reacted to of yours that is on my main channel. Damn. Why say that? I don't need that because I can take down one of the Hassan Corporation channels and then trick YouTube into thinking that's you and then they take down all Hassan channels.

Aren't you a YouTube streamer? Like you're just admitting that you're going to do fraud? Yes. Okay. That's so funny. I to do fraud? Yes. Okay. I will do fraud to take him down. That's very weird that you're admitting

that you're going to abuse the coverage. For one day, I will. Well, that's one of the sweet joys of it. Are you saying that your relationship with YouTube

is going to allow you to do fraud? Well, it's going to allow me to do fraud and get away with it. Just wait until anyone can do fraud. Just wait until I get

MudaHara on the horn on this. Do you know one of the great things about youtube fraud do you have you heard about this fraud glitch with the copyright system where if you get a copyright claim from two sources they split the revenue equally and so you could theoretically upload like a taylor swift song and then like a 15 second ludwig song and then I would share the revenue with Taylor that sounds awesome you should that sounds great of Taylor's well the means they would have a way to say I think is what that's all called the means of her production it's like I

kind of like that I did not know that those that's actually kind of cool it's like a way to guarantee your own revenue I don't know how much YouTube would like it but if you claimed all of you there's a little bit YouTube would like it, but if you claimed all of your, there's a little bit of work behind doing that, but if you claimed all your own videos because you made an outro for them, then you'd always get paid in a roundabout way guaranteed. That's a beautiful scam.

It is. Did you dream that one up? No, no, no. Someone's done this. Someone's done this. Yeah. I respect that scam and you should do it. You didn't answer my question.

Why were you so confident that you that you think i've reacted to videos of yours cool because i know you've reacted to magma i have i don't upload them on my main channel i've just seen them on youtube i don't look at the i don't read you you sound like all of my haters right now i just don't they all they all do the same thing look it's not my fault that you have pushed for a thriving hasan production ecosystem and then the users can't tell the difference that's not my fault that's not his fault you made it hard on me as a you because if there's six channels hard on him and they got like 75k 112k 213 like i don't know which ones i usually do it my subscriber some of them yeah check marks

so they're i the the burden of of finding out who's who's not on me anymore if it's not easy i like i said i don't mind it i know it eats away at like the audience that i would normally have on youtube but like i said i think it's it's not hurting me and it's beneficial for random fans that make like a shit ton of money off of it if they want to use my content content and as long as they're like editing it, you know what I mean? And some of them don't do that. And in that case,

if the original copyright holder doesn't like it, they can absolutely copy strike them. It's valid. I don't think it's like worthwhile to post it on my own main page because it's like a MAGA mail. You know what I mean? That's like, eh.

My MAGA mails are wise. You texted me that once. I thought this is just the new adopted way to say that that i well it's actually it's taken a hold in the zeitgeist because there was a comment i made a like a youtube short about this song i like this tatsuro yamashita song and then the video got like 300k views of that song and then one of the comments is like who's ludwig because all the comments are like ludwig brought me here and then the reply was he's an alt-right youtuber which stems from this yeah so it has taken a hold in the zeitgeist it's

also been a joke way back in like 2018 really they would always call me Centrists No they wouldn't They would say They would say that you were An alt-right streamer Well that's when I was An alt-right streamer Oh okay When you debated

Shootout about Kavanaugh Oh yeah that was funny Wait what? I forgot Oh my god There's a guy named Ken All that shit He learned how to

But um He learned how to grab I have Austenox Tied up And there's ninjas holding a sword to his neck right now. Okay. I just want you to know that. That makes me happy. I should have told you that way earlier, so you're step correct. It makes you happy?

Yeah. Why? Fucking so slow. Slowest editor in the game. Oh, interesting. And it's not because of the ninjas, because I just sent them. Yeah. No, he's been slow before.

Interesting. Yeah. Editors don't ninjas cuz I just sent them. Yeah. No, he's been slow before interesting Yeah, editors don't work hard Editing is easy. I am the true. I'm with dark. I stand with dark viper on his quest to destroy all editors I don't think that way is that a thing? It's a quest that he's on and I said, what did you why did you bring his? Name up he's gonna do a fucking manifesto. He's gonna ramble He's gonna do a fucking manifesto. He's gonna ramble So one of his meetings gonna let him know and then he's gonna do like a 18 page manifesto about it every time anyone Has brought him up he like goes on this Multiple week bender about how I'm the worst, most manipulative,

biggest piece of shit on the planet. What do you think are your biggest flaws? What are my biggest flaws? Do you work too hard? I do actually, unironically, think I work too hard. That's crazy. Not too hard, but too much. But you don't think it's your biggest flaw.

That's not my biggest flaw. Is it that you be on your phone all the time? You do be on your phone. I'm on your phone all the time? Smoke too good, bitch too bad. You do be on your phone- Can we- I'm on my phone all the time. We hate that. Get your fucking phone out of your fucking face. It's disgusting. Okay.

That's one. It's literally sitting right there. You had to buy a phone for your wrist. I haven't touched it though. Like I haven't looked at it. If you put it on your dick and balls, you'll have less swimmers. Okay, that's good. It's like-

Radiation. You're the hungry box of Twitch. Don't you get that? Without using a fucking- Well, he's the hungry box of Twitch. Don't you get that? He's the hungry box of Twitch. Because you're too much with the phone. Every time you're streaming. Who's hungry box?

Oh my god. I was talking to your mom and she said you're too much on the phone and hungry box was never that good. There's a lot to explain that we don't need to explain right now but you just need to put your phone down. What were you thinking? Can I say what my three worst qualities are? It's just, there's a lot to explain that we don't need to explain right now, but you just need to put your phone down. We're cutting you off. What were you thinking?

Can I, can I, can I say what my three worst qualities are? Yes, please. Um. And then we'll give you what we think your worst qualities are. I'm too, I'm too hot headed. I'm too hot headed. I get too emotionally invested. I'm too stubborn, uh, on, on things that I care about and get like, uh, you know, emotionally

invested in. And I have to fucking constantly keep hammering the same points over and over again uh i i take the bait way too much and um yeah no i i think i do work uh really stupid okay so yeah two of those four so let me just say the you basically said i care too much and i work too hard that was just repackage that for you okay i just like i said i'm hot-headed. I get emotional. He described me. I'm the same. So you overreact? I'd get violent for the ones I love.

Do I overreact sometimes? Yeah. And then you're too much with the phone. How are you stubborn? Oh, I am on the phone a lot, too. That's true. How are you stubborn? How am I stubborn?

Yeah. when I feel when I feel like I'm right on an issue and there is like an entire you know an entire city's worth of people telling me no actually you're wrong I will still just be like nope I'm fucking right and I will consistently keep duking it out with random commentators but if you are wrong do you hold

no I admit if I'm wrong and if there's new information that comes out and i'm wrong will that take you like a day like you won't be able to get over your emotions first not in the in the same hour no when when there's new information i i take it and i say i'm wrong i'm sorry i apologize i've never had to say that which is cool because that's how we're different i did the same thing with dave growl like what you described, but that's something that I do. I remember that. I'm not wrong about it. I only ever win or learn, personally.

Can we all go around and say what we think Hassan's worst quality is? Let's do it. Man. Where did we get it? Hassan with Aiden, of course. Well, you flip-flop about circumcision a lot, and I've always held that against you. Uh-huh. Too much with the phone.

Too much with the phone. Too much with the phone. Sometimes you're streaming, and then you much with the phone too much with the phone with the phone cuz when sometimes you're streaming and then you just you're with the phone I'm sorry I paid to be here wait my gosh you when you use my prime when is this when has ever I sometimes I text you and you'll reply to me on stream very fast while streaming uh-huh that's true cuz I'm a good friend got it okay you're a bad Sometimes I text you and you'll reply to me on stream very fast while streaming. Uh-huh, that's true, because I'm a good friend. Got it.

But you're a bad friend to your thousands of people watching, and it's better to- Oh, that is a good question. Is it better to hold your viewers in contempt and text Ludwig because fuck them? But he'll never be like, sorry, I just have to text Ludwig real quick. No, I don't even show it. He'll just do this. He'll just go. But you won't see the phone. He'll just do this, and he'll never be like, sorry, I just have to text Ludwig real quick. No, I don't even show it. He'll just do this. He'll just go. But you won't see the phone.

He'll just do this. And he'll go. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. I'm like, look, man. You don't feel ashamed about that. No. My thing is, I feel like you're in three modes.

You need to pick one thing that's bad about him. You keep rattling things off. No, I want to keep going. I want to keep going. You're fucking straight on screen, Hasan. You do keep rattling things off. No, I want to keep going. I want to keep going. You're fucking straight on screen, Hasan. You're 90 degree, Hasan, or you're on phone, Hasan. Which is 45 degrees down. So true.

You're just a man of angles and I want you to be... And they're all good and it pisses me off. Okay. At least it's all meh. I'm on the phone a lot. Got it. Okay. Too much with the phone. Okay. One. I'm kind of blowing mine here so I'm on the phone a lot. Got it. Okay. So much with the phone. Okay. One, I'm kind of blowing mine here, so I'm hoping you guys recover for me, but this really bothers me. Okay.

When you stream, you're not good at technology. That's my broad flaw. Oh, really? And the way this has made me mad is that you have this noise gate that's so fucking big best in the business that i'll tune into the stream and then for some reason i think it's because you know how like larger animals don't move as much like dinosaurs sure i'll tune into the stream and i'll click it and i'll think twitch is frozen because he won't move that's's true. The video will be paused. He'll be like this. And then his noise gate is zero.

So it doesn't, there's no audio. So I'll double click my audio thing and then I'll like double click play and pause. This is actually, dude, this is actually why you can never quit nicotine gum. Because when you're chewing, that never happens. As long as you're chewing,

I know the stream is on. But also, but also here's the thing I if I didn't have the noise gate I the there are so many fucking people on Twitter like I am mezafonia And then like they I if you mouth noises like I did ask you my mind. I will lose my mind I will kill myself. I don just like I don't like it you don't like that just close out of the stream yeah but people don't do that

they just like instead cause my my twitch chat sometimes was basically like twitter like a twitter feed before Elon Musk

like took it and notified it further but you remember back in the day on twitter when everyone would

chirp about like like actually y'all are not ready to have this conversation and then be the dumbest fucking thing you've ever heard yeah and it was like just shut the fuck up about it like i don't need to have this conversation just shut up about it and then we won't have it it's because you weren't ready for it yeah you weren't yeah they said they were right they were like i always i was thinking about that one uh that one person uh that had that banger tweet when the Kellogg's workers were striking.

And it was like, y'all are not ready for this conversation, but I have an eating disorder where I only can eat Kellogg's Frosted Flakes. That's called being American. Asking me for solidarity in the strike and asking me to boycott Kellogg's is actually you know going to harm me and I can't do that And I was just like why did you tweet this? Just keep eating frosted That's my can I keep adding to my problems Too many Gonna get hot-headed. Okay

To over here. Who wants to go? Nick, please. Because the thing is, I know you're more than capable, but you've never offered me a piggyback ride. That's fair. Because you look like you'd give a fucking good one. Could we try? Or no?

But I feel like you'd be like, my back. Yeah, he'd be like, get off. I don't want to do this. That's my fucking problem. So in his mind, he has to come to you and be like, would you like a piggyback ride? I'm not going to go to him and be like, Hey, can I have this? If I have to ask for it, I don't want it. I mean, I want him to offer.

It's like flowers. What is that excuse? I feel like I would just said I have to poop. First of all, I thought you had a great schedule. You did two in the morning. This is, I didn't, I did not stream today. So like it's wonky. That's not, I have a question for you.

My shit's wonky. I offered a gift to slime once and I have a question for you. My shit's wonky. What's up? I offered a gift to Slime once, and I want to know if you would like this gift. Okay. So imagine I took just a dump. Raw, like no cap. And then I put it in an acrylic encasement that was airtight, vacuum sealed. And it's like a block that is like maybe, I don't know, like a trophy sort of like on a pedestal.

Like nice oak. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Varnished. I gave this to you. It's Easter. You can see all of it. Gold placard on the oak. Yeah.

So would you put this in your house? Would it go somewhere visible? How nice is the shit? Oh my God. It's one of my best. I would not package something below average. It's a bad shit. It depends on like how, what, like the shit. Oh my god, it's one of my best. I would not package something below the average. It depends on

how, like, the thickness. You remember those things at Cookie Dough that you put in the fridge? It's like the tube. Dude, there's no... Dude, it's the Nick forearm promise. He could do a forearm shit. If you did a forearm shit and, like, went through the stages and, like, got it, you know,

went through the whole acrylic thing, like... Would you put it on your little shelf behind you on stream? Probably. You wouldn't smell it that much either. I mean, I can't smell it at all. If I smell it, then no, of course not. Right, you can't smell it.

It's in the acrylic. Yeah. So you'd put that right next to your... Is this what could come out? Why is it smoke? Yeah, there's so much smoke. It just doesn't run out. Because it's always lit.

Smoke too tough. What's yours. It just doesn't run out. Why? Because it's always lit. It's smoke too tough. What's yours? Mine? Yeah. Anthony. What? I got you the phone. No, uh, you're always in a bad mood. Mmm, okay fair. You're always in a bad mood. He's always pissed off!

Am I? Am I in a bad mood today? No, you're actually in a really good mood today. Yeah, because you're not letting me look at your phone. Who gives you that damn phone when you not in a bad mood today. No, you're actually in a really good mood today. Yeah, because we're not letting you look at your phone. Who gives you that damn phone when you're in a bad mood? He's being a fence sitter. Is he happy? He's being a fence sitter, but I think most of the time I hang out with you, there's always something going wrong.

And I feel like, damn, I wish he was having a better day. And that hurts. I think that's an unfortunate consequence of what I do. I do also think about that because I'm like, damn, I get mad when a guy calls me like bald for like, you know, in a mean way instead of a funny way. Yeah. People call me a terrorist. Yeah.

Right. That's kind of the same. I feel like my job's harder than yours. People make websites calling me a terrorist. That's crazy. Yeah. Do they get on Squarespace and cook it up? Are there games on the website?

No. Unfortunately not. Do you play like Escape the Room? Cool match game. My stalkers are like this is something that you'll vibe with I think. You're a hater

and you know the art of hating. And then there's like people that take it way too far and make it their life's mission to like take down someone. Yeah you have insane haters. My haters have been doing that for like four to five years and they've only grown in size over that time frame and i feel like it's so unhealthy for them and i want them to just like stop obviously for personal reasons because that would make my life much easier right play celeste but also that's that's they would stop if I played Celeste.

No, they did, not you. They see something to do with their hands. They start playing Celeste, they start taking HRT. They discover themselves. Yeah, they are much happier living life with their correct gender expression. But what I was going to say is they are, they, they go above and beyond in like very psychotic ways. Yeah. It's insane.

And they think it's, it's a accountability. Like they think it's, you're doing accountability. It's like a very Reddit mentality to have where it's like, I'm taking, I'm sticking up to this powerful figure that I've made up in my mind. So it's okay if they do it for a period, but if they do it for too long, then they're a little crazy. I mean, I feel like,

I think that's fair. I think do three months and then you got to leave. You got to hate her. You can hate for three months and then it's like, pick up knitting. That's better. Honestly, that's probably better than doing it for fucking four or five years straight.

That's a lot of years. You should get like a, like a, have auto make you a bot. then you have like a little led screen behind you on stream and anytime someone hates their ip address posts behind you and just post and says their twitch name and their ip address i do remember a bonding moment with you it was after i did the episode the fear and episode uh and we were sitting in your house and we were talking about some of your haters and you were just saying, fuck these guys with vitriol

that has been unmatched in my life except for me. And I'm like, I get it. And you got real reasons. I get mad when people haven't seen a movie. And I was like, oh, finally, someone just isn't beating a movie. Yeah. And I was like, oh, finally, someone just like, just like beating around the fucking bush. It is funny. Sons is like, I want to fucking kill you

because of your stance. And then Slime's like, dude, what's your rank? Yeah. It's equally, equally as enraging. And then Slime is like, why would you ask me that? It's on the screen. It's right next to you on the scoreboard. It's like, they took that away a month ago.

It's not there anymore. And then I get real mad. Because I don't like being wrong. Yeah. But yeah, I remember that moment. And I was like, he gets it. Because we got fucking Pussyfoot McGee over here. I saw Pussyfoot McGee.

All your people are Pussyfoot. You are literally the biggest Pussyfoot. There's no fucking centrist Cindy on my left. He's not a centrist, he takes positions, but like, he only takes positions when it's like, when I'm confident in them and I find them to be positions I can back and defend. Where was the maggot mail on Nick Merckx? I was on vacation that day. Oh.

Wait, weren't you on vacation in France and you popped out the Pokimane one real quick? Just because I stand with women. Oh, I didn't watch this. But you don't stand with Nick Merckx. I actually got a text from you, by the way, for all this shit that he's slinging my way.

It says, late Magamail is fire. And then I said, I'm very good joinalism. That's special. That's what he says behind closed doors. He didn't follow the next text message that I sent him, but he's pussyfoot. What did you say?

It's not for, it's not because there's three audiences and that's what people don't realize. Yours, what did you say? It's not for, it's not because there's three audiences and that's what people don't realize. Yours, mine, and the truth. No,

it's, I won't, I won't reveal it if you don't want to. What'd you say? It's not pussy ass. You can put your pussy ass out here.

And first of all, I don't use that gender language. I said pussy footing. Yeah. And then he said you had a pussy ass. And the ass is the pussy of the man.

The pussy of the foot or the ass are both gendered. God. The ass is God's pussy that he gave man. Yeah, true. And it's got a G spot in it. Think about that. Why would he put it in there? It's got a G spot.

20 minutes. 20. Do you think the G's feminine? The G stands for girl. It stands for a specific spot. My G. I got an idea for you, Hassan. It's a podcast idea.

We can dish all this stuff, me and you. So you tell me about, like, you tell me what Israel is doing. And I'll find a way to make that funny. And I'll be like, you know what? Israel is my bands or something. And then I'll just do that back. And then you tell me, you basically ignore me. Death tolls at 2,000 a day.

Yeah, you tell me death toll. I just made 2,000 bands. Yeah, I'll say breast toll or something. And we'll be, it'll just perpetual motion. That sounds pretty good. Perpetual motion. Yeah, I already, he's not in this at all. No, me and you.

This is a two person cast. He tried. He tried. I really want in. I really want in. He's not in this at all. No, me and you. He tried. I really want in. We know you don't want to take a hard line stance on anything, brother. I like taking hard line stances on things that are important. I think racism is bad. Sue me. Hey, what's up? I think women poop.

I believe. When's the last time you asked a girl about her shit? Your girlfriend, last episode she was on. You asked her about her shit? Yeah. What was the question? We talk about her poop quite a bit. I want you to stop doing this.

You don't want to pass in. Why? Why? Is she your property? I'll never watch your podcast. Full stop. Oh, you don't want to watch your girlfriend's podcast? I don't watch it because I skip through

I listen to her parts What I do is I ask my editors to edit just the woman talking Yeah so every episode it turns into something That's like 5 minutes long I listen on.5 It's hard because she gets cut off so much Damn I know for a fact you don't watch It's hard because she gets cut off so much Damn I know for a fact you don't watch

But you still are kind of right on that I know I'm right Why is that Hasan? Why do you cut her off so much? Toxic masculinity It's hard to shake off I try my very best You guys shook it off by just not having any women on your podcast And not even having Gudi on as a guest

We've had her on And amaranth that's two that's two women you have two women that's that's everyone we know what else we gonna do ask people we don't know that's that's what i mean this is like who do you want to name a woman that we want you want to step on name any woman name any hillary rodham oh my god this is okay there is a theory where if you ask a guy for a woman, he will name Hillary first. It has a 90% success rate. This morning, I just walk in and Ludwig and Shaker are talking about something. And then Ludwig just blindsides me. He's like, name 20 women right now.

And I say, Hillary Clinton. It's always Rodham first. I don't know what's wrong with me. Every time I hear this question, I immediately think of Margaret Thatcher. What? She's the first person I think of. That's the British Hillary Clinton. Yeah.

Yeah, she's a girl boss. That's so interesting. Yeah. Maybe that's a Commonwealth thing. It's the Brit in you. Yeah, it's a Commonwealth thing. Why? Oh, you're Canadian?

I'm sorry. I didn't hear that. I forgot about that. Yeah. I don't let that. Sorry? Sorry. Sorry. Why'd you say sorry?

Yeah. When's the last time you smoked a whole joint by yourself? I stopped smoking loud, dude. Really? When's the last time you fucking chiefed a blunt? I have not. Bitch.

I haven't smoked weed in so long. Elon does it and he... When's the last time you fucking chiefed a blunt? I have not. I haven't smoked weed in so long. I don't even remember. Elon does it. When's the last time you hit the penjaman? I don't ever vape. Do they have Rick and Morty weed pens in Turkey? I have never vaped one time. What?

Do they have Rick and Morty weed pens in Turkey? I don't know. Maybe. They definitely have them. Can you hit the Rick and Morty hookah in Turkey? There's probably a Rick and Morty hookah for sure. I would assume. Will you defend Dream right now?

Do it in the coal miners. Live on this podcast. Will you do it? Are you brave enough to defend Dream? What is Dream doing? Dream, that's what I'm saying. Defend him. Defend what he did now.

I don't know what he did. Oh, so defend him then. It must be easy. Oh, so he didn't do anything wrong. Oh, so he did now. I don't know what he did. Oh, so defend him then. It must be easy. Oh, so he didn't do anything wrong. Oh, so he did nothing. But I don't know. If you guys tell me what he did, then I can... I don't.

I actually don't know. Dream through a grenade into a school. Okay. He's a lecture. And what's your stance? Okay. I mean... Like, were the vibes fucked up at the school?

What's going on he's like that's a good question that's a good question yeah Dream threw a grenade into his school but it's okay because he was in the IDF

so no Dream got mad that he got slapped in front of the hose so so he took his anger out when you wear clothes

do you sometimes think ugh this is ugly damn wow that's so out of... You know what, Hasan? You know what? A lot of heat on you. I want to switch now because I think that was uncalled for.

I mean, I think this outfit's great. This one's good. Yeah. This one's good. But I feel like... So you'd admit some are bad. Well, after the fact, I think. I look back at some of them, like years later, I'm like, oh.

I hate all your shorts. All my shorts? Mm-hmm. The really colorful ones? Those ones I don't like Your opinion on the matter Is null and void You literally dress like

He does He nuzlocks his closet Every morning It's crazy Random on like every body part You will have like A sick ass top It's crazy. When you hit random on like every body part, like you, you will have like a sick ass top. Like I'll be like,

damn, that's like a fire fucking shirt that you're wearing. And then you accompany that with like the dumbest, the dumbest fucking pants and the stupidest shoes I've ever seen. But here's always a fucking fanny pack with camel crushes. He's got Dave and Buster's employee bathing suit. Why? The difference between you and me is i dress to look good right and and feel good you are failing on at least one of those counts every time this is like the most normal thing i've ever seen you wear that's because i do a photo shoot today they specifically said no crocs oh okay but i have these new grimace crocs downstairs

did you see them did you who gave them to you mcdonald i have not seen your grimace crocs i don't even have a problem with the crocs it's just like i mean they're all right look at these that's fucking disgusting okay all right jesus christ you know what's funny too you never think about it but you know who runs the government in ronald mcdonald land isn't ronald mayor mccheese they have they elected him fair ronald mcdonald's just the clown do you think he ran and lost ronald yeah no i think ronald mcdonald's probably like you know in some countries like the president is just like a symbolic in israel the president is like a symbolic figure doesn't really do much i didn't know that yeah and then uh the the leader of the Knesset

Like the prime minister is actually the one who has all the power So I think like Mayor McCheese Has all the power and Ronald McDonald is just like the guy The handshake guy And Burger King is Palestine Burger King is They got the chicken fries I'm trying to add to this

This is who you're doing your new show with. So how do chicken fries come to like... Sorry, did you say breast hole earlier? Tell me more about that. And In-N-Out has milk on the menu is what you're saying. People don't really know that. They don't know that. In-N-Out has milk on the menu?

They got chopped chilies. That's what I'm saying. And you can order a Flying Dutchman. I love the Flying Dutchman. Have you ever had it? No. It's just meat and cheese. That seems silly.

No, it's not. It is. Isn't it also lettuce? No. No. That's protein style. That's protein style. Oh, fuck.

I don't need that salad. It's such a slippery little sandwich when you get it with the lettuce i will say when uh when hasan got here i was i'm riding a skateboard and i'm trying to not fucking freak out because the last time i fell off one i broke my arm years ago so i'm just like trying to ride it like normal and hasan's way across uh the studio and i just like i ride over to him i'm like hey and i slap his hand And then we go upstairs and he's like, you know who else likes to skate around in their podcast studio? It's Tim Pool. And I'm like,

oh no. Why would you do him like that? Rob Dudek is also another example of someone who probably rides around in a studio. I felt bad about it because he had complimented my fit right before. Does Tim Pool also not have hair? Is it bald phobic? No, Tim Pool is bald. Ah, it's bald phobic. It's bald phobic. I didn't say that though. I wasn't thinking about him being bald. Tim Pool also not have hair? Is it bald phobic? He is bald. Ah, it's bald phobic. It's fine. It's exactly what I said.

I didn't say that though. I didn't, like, I wasn't thinking about him being bald. Tim Pool's into like nerd skating. He does like, like, sunflower flips and stuff. Yeah, yeah. And slimes in a really cool skate. I'm into riding it and not falling off. He's attempting to kickflip for 17 years. I had an Ollie today. You did an Ollie? That's fucking beast.

He barely did. It was actually crazy. Don't add in the barely. Wait, really? You can Ollie? I can Ollie. That's kind of interesting. He left the ground with both wheels and landed on the board. I did do that. That is very surprising.

And right before benching 225 and getting level 60 in WoW. I don't know. You didn't have to add the last part because it was a lie. I was trying to think of something cool I could add to it. Yeah, you could have just said the 225 part because that actually happened also. What is the video game you're best at in the 225 part, because that actually happened also. What is the video game you're best at in the world? I'm not very good at video games.

But, you know, if the aliens came and they chose to fight you, and you got to pick the game to beat them to save humanity. Me and you were playing Warzone. We're in the last circle, four left, we're kissing each other. Do we get a victory royale? Yes. You think you clutch yeah why can you answer that one so quick but you can't answer because like the aliens I

think I can I think I can clutch it but I don't know if there's a game that I'm like particularly it's some from software game probably I'll be the most like ones I've held in rings yeah sure mm-hmm you know well I think that's all our time here it It is. That was so fast. Wait, really?

That went so fast. You're going to leave it on a fucking low note like that? I'm sorry. Why don't you take us out? Why don't you take us out? Say something crazy. Do it, Hassan. Say something America deserved.

He runs it back? I'm the two time? Play Robot Rock. Play Robot Rock. I love that meme. All right. Bring us out with something why. Give wise advice to the viewers of the Yard.

Okay. Check out the Fear End podcast. Tell yourself. You know that's not true. You actually know that's not true. I would like to give a special shout out to Shake Drizzle who benched 225 for two today.

It was a big deal. Impressive. Oh, man. Go check out Hassan's podcast. They have eight people. None of them host it. First of all, it's called Fear In. It's technically mine and Hassan's podcast.

That's not true. Are you saying you own your girlfriend? That is disgusting. It's technically mine and Hassan's podcast. Uh, that's not... We actually, the Yard owns a 30% stake. Are you saying you own your girlfriend? That is disgusting. I wouldn't use that word. Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying?

Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying?

Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying?

Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying?

Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying?

Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? He's so big! He said, stop that. I heard you recycle her mail-in ballot before she can find it.

Tune into the Yard premium episode where I'm going to make them try duck liver. That's true. It's delicious. It's already happened. We just had it. Oh, I love foie gras. I'm a fucking big fan.

What are they going to think about it? He probably fucking served it up with no good bread, no jam on the side. I suspect actually clocked you yeah There was no jam on the side Not tough anyway, we'll see Continue this and you'll watch us eat Fogwa. You eat Fogwa with jam?

You disgust me. You disgust me. I love Fogwa. I've literally, I fucking love Fogwa. How dare you? Goodbye.