The Yard - Ep. 125 - Do Not Watch This Episode

Episode Date: December 6, 2023

This week, the boys talk about what would happen if they recorded a terrible episode, which pro-games match to professional sports, and how Ludwig and Slime had an argument over Valorant LIVE...

Henry Kissinger is dead. Henry Kissinger has died. You know what pisses me off? Is this for like the algorithm we're doing that for? What is that supposed to do? I'm pulling in Vox people right now. They don't care zoomers Don't know they just know that it's cool that he's dead, but they don't like really fucking like get it You're saying that like we're a part of the generation that would that which is also cringe That's why you're cringe you're being cringe right now cringe also cringe that's why you're cringe you're being cringe right now if i was older would i be less cringe uh in this moment you you're basically allowed to say yo this guy died and that's hype right but because like well it's cringe if you say that yeah it's cringe if you say that to copy the wave i agree that and that's what amon's doing he's copying the wave no no i bet he's

looked up a video absolutely not i probably know more about this shit than you because you only look at the fucking you you don't peel back though you're five years older than him it's because you are five years older than seven years older than i was trying to help you we're on a show they don't have to put that together i just need to be honest welcome back to the art episode 173. How's it going everybody? Dubbin has the most energy I've ever seen. We need to do more 9am podcasts. You're saying it with a little vitriol there. At 9am. That's a little

vitriol. Why are you saying it that way? We should do them at 9am all the time. Well, it's 9.30. Oh, are you saying because it was his idea? No, because he probably has more energy in the morning. By the time we see him, which is usually around like 11, he's all fucking milked out. It only takes an hour and a half.

Yeah. That I've lost a little. You get milked so early. Do you have 90 minutes of prime time every morning? Dude, not even. I got an hour. I got a lot of milk, actually. I ate four games of milk last night.

No, three games of milk. Three games of milk last night. Are you just playing Valorant together? Yeah, and I don't want to play with you. Huh? Aiden put us in a group chat. And he was like, this is what you want to play with me. Oh, my God.

Aiden messaged me, and he's like, you want to play Valo? Like, me, you, Slime? And I said, no. I just replied, no. And then he makes a group chat. Also, I would have invited you, but you were playing Call of Duty for the tournament. You shouldn't die. I don't care.

Thank you. And then he makes a group chat with us, and he says, let's play Valo, smiley face. And Slimes says, sure, I don't reply because he knows. It's already a no. You know what?

I also gave a vague reply to that message because by that point in the evening, I was already a five stack and I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to play with you so this doesn't affect me

and I never want to play with you. I'm saying, if you had asked me to play at 1045, I would have said no. It's eerie. I feel like I'm, it's like I granted a genie wish. I'm saying if you had asked me to play at 1045, I would have said no. I feel like I'm, it's like I granted a genie wish.

I get to watch my life from the perspective of someone else. Yeah, you get to just float above. But if someone handled it much more like pathetically. Yeah, right. That's how I often look at Aiden. I kind of, you know, I'm just a chat about it and I'm just like, you know.

Aiden tends to flail around and scream and cry like a babe in the woods. Just wanted to play with my friends. Oh my god, no you didn't. Quick update, he doesn't flail and cry as much in our D&D sessions, which was good. We had a good D&D session.

We did have what I would consider our first good D&D session. The other ones were good too, but maybe just because I was so electric all the time. They all have good moments, but it's becoming less and less of like, so can I hit him? Yeah. And then five minute breakout.

I think the thing that clicked for me was like, the DM, I'm like, oh, you create everything. I can just ask you a question, like what's behind me right now? And he'll be like, this is what's behind you right now. And I'm like, I want to touch that. Whereas before I was like, I guess I'll hit the next opponent

and then wait until I do that again. It didn't click until this morning for me. Cause you know how every time after we do a move, he'll say, and what does it look like? That we should just say what it looks like. Yeah. Rather than go through the exercise of saying the move.

Then he says, you know what I mean? Yeah. I already did that without him prompting you. You did. And that was great. And you were electric yesterday. You were electric.

And you were mad at Eamon. I wasn't mad at Eamon. You said that last night. It's on stream. You can find the clip. A couple things happened last night when me and Ludwig went out. One, we had some close games. Two, me and Ludwig fought, and I took the tone wrong, and he got actually mad.

And then three, dude, he got actually mad. I didn't get actually mad. Over the dumbest shit. I literally didn't get actually mad. You gotta hear it. He didn't get actually mad because on fear and he says he's never been actually mad. It's so true of me. It's been years since I've been actually mad. And three,

I said that about D&D. I was like, D&D was really fun. I was proud of everyone. And then Ludwig said, yeah, except Eamon. No, no, no, no. That also didn't happen.D. I was like, D&D was really fun. I was proud of everyone. And then Ludwig said, yeah, except Eamon. No, no, no, no. That also didn't happen. And I was like, what did Eamon do? He's like, oh, he just pissed me off. And I'm like, what did he do? That's how I know it's fake.

And then Ludwig said, it's because he fucking would take too long doing a move. And then I said, I noticed, because he'll get on his phone like a little kid with Teddy Grahams. There's a lot of detail in this recollection. First of all, first of all, didn't get on my phone once. No, you couldn't. Never with the phone.

But you would just, here's what you do when you don't have a phone. You just sit there and you start like tinkering with things and looking all like, you're like a kid at the dentist's office. I am like that. I am like that. And I was like, what's he, what's he up to? I feel like trying to eat chips in class. It's the only way I can observe patients is if I ignore.

Also, this is, this is the best time to take a long time. A hundred percent. In session zero when we're figuring out the game. Which is why I haven't flamed you. We're fingering it out. But he did say it live to thousands. Over 10,000. No, no, I wasn't live.

His stream went down, so it was only 3,000. Respectfully, my stream is a shit show right now. I messaged Yingo and Tim and I said, guys, I need this fixed right now. I'd messaged yingo and Tim and I said guys I need this fix right now I'm gonna kill myself, and I'm sorry. What's wrong with it? Every time I just have various internet issues, but the current one is if I open Valorant. I ping spike to 700 while streaming So weird. I've never heard of that. Maybe it's your encoding who knows that it's my computer now It's yinglings problem so now solve now it's Yingling's problem to solve. This is what I'm taking away.

You're shitting on me about my D&D skills because he's running it down in-game and the games aren't going so well. I will snap your fucking neck if you talk to me like that again. I will snap it in two pieces and eat the pieces. We'll win every time if we play together. Imagine the dream team.

I'll still never play with you. I was down to play with him, by the way. In the group chat, I said, I'm down, Smiley. Look, I don't want to play Valorant. Because it's just not a game I play right now. But just letting you guys know, it's the funniest time ever to play with me. Currently peak comedy, because then he wouldn't. I see.

Because then it would hurt him more. It is currently the funniest moment to play with me. Yeah, it is. He finally hits the rank rank and then you guys just decide to play with me Do you guys know my problem though? The reason I don't play with you? There's so many. Morning come. No. Well, that's not a problem Isn't it the- that's the solution. Isn't the problem that you don't like the people that get on our team? I don't like you people. Yeah, he doesn't like you guys. He doesn't like us. I don't like I don't know I got to play- you guys. He doesn't like us. I don't like, I don't, no, I got to,

I made a video. Remember the video I made with Tarek where I said hiring a pro to beat my roommate and it was you? Yeah.

And I got to a higher rank than you? This was way back in the day and you had like reset to gold 2 or something. No. Anyway, I did this. Hold on.

I remember this video. You specifically did not get to where I was shitter at the time I did I destroyed you and you're embarrassed a YouTube video with a million To happen wet I couldn't dodge boosted allegations for months and I was in like gold and I already hit gold I was in like maybe plat one and so then I want to hit diamond, but I don't want any boosted allegations Sorry for you to play. I can't play with you. Oh, real shit

This would be so true if it wasn't happening before this video. Real. Which it was. Real. You were dodging like- You've been telling me no. for a long time. For years. That's nothing to do with this. I was talking about Aiden. You just pointed at you two. I did this? Yes. And you said you guys.

I think it might have been this and the tree. Here's my thought. We wouldn't need to smurf if we five stack with Yingo. I realized I either need to get diamond or quit the game Okay, and I'm gonna give myself a timeline get diamond and I realized that always this goal always with the goals too much with the goals Why? Good, but he has the goals on the phone and checks on the reminder app even though there's like a new app for it What is it they have tasks and it connects

to your Google Calendar. God, Reminder sucks. Yeah, yeah. It's one of the worst apps. Google Tasks. Dude, one time I got this like Chinese like notification.

I don't know. It was from his friend. No, it was like some like spam email or something, but it somehow wormed its way into my Google Calendar

and my Reminders. So it still says like in 2026 like many chinese characters that i don't know what's gonna i think the world ends yeah or something every day or somebody is gonna sell you like a dragon lore or something yeah or try to but so you're what you're gonna make it to diamond or or quit i'm gonna give myself a timeline make it to Diamond or die trying? Or quit. I'm going to give myself a timeline. Make it to Diamond or quit the game forever. Yes. What's the... Well, don't... You know, think about the timeline with the content.

Your rank's about to get reset again. I would keep that in mind. I might give myself like the next one. I don't know. I'm just going to do that. Buy the next act. And I realized this yesterday. I was talking to QD's assistant.

He's very sweet. And we were chatting. She's always working. She's always busy doing something. Right. Is she too much with the phone no no no she's but she's like she's very proactive in ways that i would never be as a human in the sense that like i haven't had gas in in weeks like i'm taking your body hot gas in his house he needs to say things like this i thought he met his car and And then I thought his body. I take cold showers.

I don't have gas. The heating one. And then I bought food. I forgot that requires gas to cook. I forgot. And then she put out like this Mitsubishi toaster that I bought that she re-found. And then she was like, you can

cook stuff in here. And then linked a video where I could do it and like wrote out the URL link. So like that level of of uh. Hand wrote the URL. Every single character. With calligraphy brush. And then I was talking to her yesterday and then we just randomly talked about Valo and she's

diamond. No. And that and I was hurt. That's really funny. And I didn't say that but I was like where do you find the time? Cuz I feel like I'm putting so much in it's playing on stream you dumb bitch. I played off stream, and we lost everyone That doesn't matter Real real listen to me Bad luck, but like playing on bad luck I think playing on stream playing off stream is bad luck, but playing on stream is? Because that's bad luck. But like playing on stream. It's not bad luck.

I think playing on stream. Playing off stream is bad luck, but playing on stream is also bad luck. It can also be bad luck, but you're just increasing your chances to lose because on stream there's even more going on. I play more off stream than on stream, so I don't know if this is the issue I have. Dude, if you guys combined, you'd be such a strong player. We've said it last night. You're opposites. We said that last night. Because he's all mental. He's a great a strong player. We've said that last night. You're opposites. We said that last night.

Because he's all mental. He's a great mental game player. You would be so fucking surprised. He did the same thing last night. Guys, I know maybe you don't like Valorant talk too much, but this is more about the social environment and playing online games, and this is real shit. He did the exact same thing Aiden used to do.

We're playing in a game. There's a guy who's being a dick. We're kind of winning. We're kind of losing. It's very close. And he says, Ludwig starts chirping at the guy who is kind of being annoying and kind of not playing well. And he's basically trying to make him feel bad.

I'm like, Ludwig, if you do that, there is a higher chance he will int. I didn't try to make him feel bad. I told him what he did that was bad. In a pissy-ass way. He would type in team chat during a 1v2 clutch from another of our teammates, GG. Or he would all chat it. That's fucked up. And he did it twice.

That's fucked up. And the first time I didn't say anything. And the second time, the guy clutched. And I said, hey, don't fucking do that. Yeah, that's cringe. Right? And then he stopped talking for the rest of the game. To be clear, his mental is horrible.

I use mental wrong. But listen, really quick. What he did is I'm like, you're chirping in the sky. You're increasing the chances he might int. And he's like, I don't care. I don't care. He cares about his points more. I don't care.

I just want him to know that he's wrong. Wait, that's beast. He said that. That's beast. But that's bad mental because it's like, we don't bother him. I did not mean that when I said mental. I meant it. I just wanted to bring that up because he was being exactly like Ayman who he hates playing with and hates the human being in real life. What? I feel like I'd like playing with you. He was wrong about that part. I don't think that's true. I feel like I'm a good teammate. I think so. I think you just have a tone. A tone? I think I have a tone sometimes.

Oh my god, me and Anthony are talking about this. I have a great adjustment for you for your game you ready for this yeah so in halo i learned this from playing with call of duty players in halo they have a thing they do when someone makes a com where they reply to the com and they say heard i do this i say copy and that means that means i heard your com and if they don't say heard then you can assume they did not hear your com and so they'll be like 2b 2b and they go heard it means one you don't have to say then you can assume they did not hear your comm. And so they'll be like, 2B, 2B, and they go heard. It means, one, you don't have to say 2B again. And two, I heard you. And it's very good.

That's sick. Especially for you, because you miss stuff all the time. Because you're bad at multitasking. So if you said heard, then people wouldn't know to say it again. It'd be good. I've gotten better at that. But you're still bad at it. It doesn't matter.

It's good for you. I'm bad at multitasking. Everyone's bad at multitasking. No, I think that's a good suggestion. I have to do this, and no one gave me a cookie. You deserve a cookie. You deserve a big cookie. Maybe like a house size cookie.

Cookie man! Have this cookie! Also, I'm sick at reaction times and I'm so jad. I tell everybody. Because it's the only thing I'm good at without trying. I finally have something. He's like, I've been like, you know, just Michael Jordan's worst game ever. Cause he is Michael Jordan last night.

And then I'm, I have a stream pulled up and then I just see he's like in between rounds pulling up a reaction time. Have you ever seen that video? It's like, it's like an edited together video of faker playing on the world stage and he's fucking, he's like decimating a team fight while he flicks between osu and suika game like tabs out He's just winning at everything. What's what hurt rate is your monitor? It's high as fuck, so that's probably why but it's part of it I'm like hitting 160s and then going back into game and dying instantly. I'm like let's go But then he's pumped about the 160 so doesn't care

Yeah, I used this used to be my party trick until I met Josh. Is he no I'm better than Josh You're not better than Josh unless he's having a bad week dude josh was hitting 125 on me consistently not since the broken arm though you know who's inhuman at that shit is a whizzy yeah i can imagine yeah that makes sense i think whizzy's whizzy's brain is like wired i guess that's his whole thing yeah he's really good really good, bad bit. Josh, man. Joshy, we did boxing. We did boxing this week. Joshy. Joshy's funny.

We had a big date. Yes. Our friend who we love is funny, you fucking idiot. Whoa. I was going to lead to a story with it. That was the whole. Oh, sorry. Tell us a story.

No. Yeah, it was funny. That was the end of the sentence. Okay. He was loading up the TikTok. Sorry. Our friend Josh is super funny. What? Tell us about Josh Mann.

I'd rather kill myself, son. I'd rather kill myself than do that now. Back to you. Back to you. What did Josh do that's so funny, man? So you guys all hang out now? No one fucks with me? Shut up. Ludwig came over to my place. The only reason he did is because I'm still doing

boxing training with my coach, and he just wanted to ride on that. Ludwig came over to my place. The only reason he did is because I'm still doing boxing training with my coach. And he just wanted to ride on that. Ludwig has not visited me in the place I live since I've moved out. When we all lived. Isn't that crazy? Where do you guys box? Huh? My place.

Oh, okay. So he did come visit. He did. But this was the first time in literally a year and a half that I've seen him. He hasn't visited my place. He only did i've seen him and he doesn't visit my place he only did it to work out hasn't visited my place yeah because you don't have a boxing coach oh get a boxing coach that'll help i'm there dude i get into boxing you're like boxing fucking kind of lame now it's like rock climbing it's like you're like his parents you like kill everything

i think i'm his younger brother i will feel this about boxing on a side note i just i think if you just stick with it too long it can't be good for you if you spar you but like that's like it's inevitable i feel like it's probably unlikely that someone boxes for five years not sparring eventually one more sparring hit to the head makes it so you can't do math eventually that's why point crow doesn't spar he's like i've had two concussions he got one in training and got one in the fight and he said if i get another it's kind of over yeah but i like the idea that i can get hit Eventually. That's why Poincaré doesn't spar. He's like, I've had two concussions. He got one in training and got one in the fight. And he said, if I get another, it's kind of over. Yeah.

But I like the idea that I can get hit so correctly that I'm just happy forever. Oh. Oh, you hit right in like the G spot of your brain. Yes. Well, there's also the opposite. It's like a 50-50 because there's the guy with the railroad who got fucking pierced through the skull. Yeah, yeah. And he was mean.

He was an asshole. But, I mean, I think maybe my asshole part of my brain is so big that it would just get, like, deadened. Yeah. Or maybe, like, I get hit in the head and then every time I eat Cheerios, I, like, have an orgasm. Right?

Like, let's have fun. Let's roll the dice. Maybe it'll fix his understanding of the human brain, too. Like, that's the possibility. Because he is far away from how it... No, you're stupid. The brain is so beautiful and mysterious, and you can come when you eat cereal. The brain is like a woman, and that's why it's beautiful in our lives.

And it would be bad if it worked for me. It's too beautiful to be in my skull. It's too beautiful to do math. Our D&D, by the way, is too sexist. That one was pretty bad. It was bad We all wanted to fuck the demon girl so bad I feel like I kind of introduced that theme a little bit

Sexism? Yeah with all the elf Nick said elf strange And I was like well that's kind of fire We did Fear and And we kept talking about how Aiden's are gay And I realized on that pod I was like Nick'sicks are sexist.

But also our ally. And that's a problem. What am I? Ooh. You are our, what's that word? Precious. You're our precious, your mother. Like, precious like Gollum?

Which precious? He's like, he's precious mother. He's like, not precious like by Sapphire, by Push, by Cherry or whatever. I'm precious mother. You're precious mother. Am I bitch slay? Don't, by Push, by Cherry or whatever. I'm precious mother. You're precious mother. Am I bitch slay? Don't.

No. Definitely not. Shake is. What? Sorry, he is. Shake bitch slayed the photo shoot. He looks damn good. Yeah.

He looks so good in the one photo. Dude, we're all getting so big now too. Shake put up 225 on bench. He put up 225 on squat yesterday. He was looking at my body when we were boxing. He was observing a beast. A statue of a man. Just kind of milling around, and I'm like... I'm looking for fruits.

He doesn't tell the coach the shit that he tells us. Because I go to the coach, and I start repeating some of the things that Slime says. Like when he was going to fight Stock Eye, he kept saying, who's going to take care of his children? And the coach did not hear this stuff. The coach did not hear this stuff. You're not as confident around the coach?

I'm not there to bloat. I'm there to learn. He's very like a dutiful student around the coach. But then the coach leaves and Josh comes out and he's like, one punch, dude. Fucking bang. Fucking right there, dude. Boom.

And the coach just comes back. He's like, I forgot my glove. He's like, yes, thank fucking right there dude And the coaches comes back like I forgot my gloves like yes I'm sorry. Thank you Just part proper respect it is because because the coach sometimes will like he like so yeah You hit him with the one and he's like this surfer guy and they go and they're cool Yeah, and he'll just he'll start moving like he'll get lost in the idea of hitting an invisible opponent and you're like he's so fast i also understand where you got it from i understand why you came back from training even on your first session learning how to throw a jab saying that you'll kill the man because the coach kept saying it

kept saying whoa shit we're doing wolf shit who's up right right now? It's like Mark Wahlberg Like he's right But the thing is like cuz he felt like box box and stuff and box box is definitely not going home To his friends and being like I'm a wolf and I'm gonna kill you but like box box is not that kind of guy It's more like that enables the part of my brain that is overly confident and thinks I'm like actually an ascendant even though I'm stuck it tickles it gold. Do you come over to my house for the first time in the fucking world uh-huh he comes and he says josh man's funny who is this guy i've never met this guy i've never met this guy he's funny this guy's been here for a while this guy that i sponsored

his yeah thank you i did do that you sponsored his visa you also in the contract agreed to have him live at your house two time you did i read the contract i read the contract agreed to have him live at your house. Two time. You did. I read the contract. I read the contract this week. Because we had eyes on it. Because I hadn't read the contract this week. Because I was the eyes on it. Wasn't doing my job. The eyes were on it.

He gets your back house. You hear that? What the fuck is that? It sounds like somebody's playing like an old fashioned Game Boy. I think it was Otto. Playing Gameboys again? Otto, shut up in there and come beat your ass! Okay, well, maybe that- not in the workplace. Beat the shit out of your ass!

They're not co-workers anymore, so it's chill. I'm gonna take poop out of your ass. We're gonna take all the poop out of your ass, Otto! We're gonna take it out and put it in a jar. We're gonna mail it to a scientist and he's gonna tell us everything all about your family. I want your stool Otto, I wanna see your stool. Okay, you do work with him.

Hmm? Yeah, you do work with him, you're his direct boss. Otto, give me that stool! That's even, that makes more sense. Uh, yeah, Joshy has a problem though. What? You're not taking care of your son right. You're raising him wrong. No, he's a fucking adult man, I'm has a problem though. What you're not taking care of your son, right? You're raising him wrong No, he's a fucking adult man. I'm not your kid and you're raising him wrong. First of all, you put him in a gay shed

Okay, it is a good cave and then big chalk letters as I walk in it says gay shit Pickle situation And then in big chalk letters as I walk in it says gay shit It's kinda like a cucumber pickle situation Which I, I, you know what? Okay, gotcha I'm gonna say out, say it on a limb saying I don't think we should put all the gays in a shed I think it's bad Wow Some gays go in the shed Some

To be clear Some What if they like the shed? Then it's because they like the shed, people who like the shed There's tools in there Then they'll voluntarily go to the shed But it's a gay, is it not like the shed people like the shed. There's tools in there. They don't voluntarily go to the shed. But it's again, is it not a gay shed? It might be because we're filled with gay activities like cup stacking and sudoku.

The population. To be clear, it's already filled with the gay activity melee. You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. One of the gayest activities known to man. Yeah, let me let me say this if the population in in the shed is over 50% gay, is it just now a gay shed? Yeah. No.

Josh is the only guy in there. It's got to be like 80%. What? Yeah. So what? That is such a heteronormative thing to say. I don't know what that was. That was a weird thing.

So it's 70% gay. How is that heteronormative? Because he's saying that if the gays have a majority, they still don't get power and representation. Oh, yeah, because the straights have more power. And that's such a disgusting thing for you to say. So did gross of you. Gross of you.

Gay suffrage is not a wrong. You're a self-hating gay. What year did we pass gay suffrage? Gay suffrage was passed. It was this year. And God, thank God for it. It was technically never passed. Did you read Brett Kavanaugh's eight-page opinion on gay suffrage last week?

No, I played solo queue. What do you want from me? No, we hung out with our friends. Anyway, he's raising his son wrong because Josh, she's staying in the gay shed. And he's not allowed to leave for more than 20 minutes a day, which is fine. That's not the problem. That's not the problem. The problem is that when I walk in he instantly goes you want us in

A pack of sins which I didn't know what they were until he showed him to me, but apparently they're like snooze It's just it's it's tobacco pouches Pouches I should say not tobacco like chew less nicotine pouch that you put in your mouth We've talked about this three episodes in a row Shit, I didn't know that I didn't I just got the name didn't click i remember the dots okay the name didn't click they don't have dots on that one no it just is it just said three milligrams and it's cool yeah the flavor is cool which apparently is the flavorless and it's a big sans serif font yeah you stick it in it feels like it's burning a hole in your gum Yeah, Josh. You made me try it and it was horrible sucked. Well. It was interesting because so we box

We have a great workout. I almost fucking rip his head off and it rolls off and down a hill in the Neighborhood they all There's ants eating his neck In there or are they eating it from the outside? Yeah, were they already inside his brain? They would be like, oh, this is concerning, probably. Yeah, and so we did that. Yeah.

And then after, he's just sitting there, and he's hanging out. And I'm like, that's been hanging out the rest of me. And we're hanging out in the backyard. And he fucking, and Josh is like, here's a zen. And I was like, Dobbin, go. Yeah. Because he's got to ride his bike home. He's got to ride his motorcycle.

Yeah, and you can't. He was scared I'd be out on my ass because you were out on your ass. I was out on my ass. You can't drive under the influence. But you're fucking built iffy. He was built iffy and he didn't get knocked on his ass. But what, did your tummy hurt? What happened?

It just sucks. Cigarettes are way better. It's not close. It's not close Dude I hate this shit I hate this shit So he gave me two, I did one for five minutes, I took the other home, I did an hour I played a whole Valorant game with it in, I just sat with it in Dude that dude, you know what?

You're... It's your Swedish blood That actually makes so much sense Dude you need to horseshoe it to feel something Dude horseshoes I now realize what horseshoeing actually implies. And it's, that's fucked. It's one of those self-descriptive terms.

Yeah. That's fucked. It's just because of your, it's just because of your ethnicity. But I will say, and this is not a condonation of it. I don't condone it. We're talking about it. So we automatically condone it. It's like jackass.

We live in a condonation. I'm saying since I use it, I've not wanted a cigarette. Really? Yeah. And I really wanted one after France. Guys, kids, especially if you're young, 15, whatever, if you don't smoke yet,

start chewing tobacco. Dude, you don't smoke. And then you won't want to smoke. This is bad. I think there's a time, maybe we need a little foot down. I don't care anymore. Tell them, it's bad.

Tell them, man. Because people are going to do whatever. If I fucking came up and I slapped you in the nuts Maybe we need a little foot down moment. I don't care anymore. Tell em man. If I fucking came up and I slapped you in the nuts and I said Merry Christmas, they start doing that to their fucking friends and there's nothing we can do to stop them. Also big fucking talk over here from the guy who comes to the potty. He's like, yeah I did acid yesterday. EVERY WEEK! Maybe it's a foot down moment.

It's a foot down moment. Cause here I am saying I schedule it, saying I test that shit. I'm a good boy. I'm a good boy. I think as long as you don't let yourself be beholden to shit, that's what I think is a problem is when you get addicted to shit, including caffeine, beer, cigarette, weed. Caffeine addiction is fine.

What the fuck are you talking about? I'm saying fucking that's my rule. I don't like when my body yearns for it. You do, but you kind of do. No, I don't. I go on cold turkeys if that happens, if I feel like I'm noticing it. I love that. I love doing that.

You don't think you yearn for caffeine a little bit? I do. And then sometimes if I'm yearning too much, I'm like, no, you're being a little bitch about this. And then I cut it for a month or something like that. I've done that. How do you know when it's too much? When my body's like, oh, and maybe I just didn't, like're being a little bitch about this. And then I cut it for a month or something like that. I've done that. How do you know when it's too much? When my body's like, oh, and maybe I just didn't, like, I forgot a coffee.

I didn't fucking get one. And I'm grouchy or something because of it. When Carlos Ocelot says you're too much with the latte, then you know. Then you know. And if you're Miss Russia 2019. Did he delete that video? Dude, I think he did. I couldn't find it.

Sad. I'm so sad. Ocelot, like, the G2 owner, Carlos? Yeah, what do you- What video? It's- You don't know this video? No!

That's crazy. It's okay, it's okay. That's crazy. I'm in a new era where I'm nice. You can't reference this like it's some fucking piece of cultural media. He can. Like it's Aretha Franklin. I'm sorry, but he can.

Thank you. Thank you, Dubbin. You're welcome. You're welcome. Carlos Ocelot is the Aretha Franklin of esports. I would say that, yeah. Okay. Urethra.

Urethra. This has been done a lot. Yeah. I don't know. I knew that. I knew that. I just need to contribute. I knew that.

Well, I wanted to show my freshly shaved pubis in this ad read. But the woke left won't let us do it. The woke left won't let me do it. But the woke left won't let me do it. Yeah, merry woke-mas. Hey guys, welcome to the Yard ASMR. Ooh! Any self-respecting man will know that sound. Self-respecting man.

It's the sound of your mom in the other room. And today we're going to give you the sounds of doing an ad read for Manscaped. This video is brought to you by Manscaped.com, the global men's lifestyle brand that is revolutionizing the landscape of men's grooming. And when you say grooming, it's the kind that happens on your pubis and your butthole. It's your balls getting treated nicely by a good product.

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Also, it will never jam. That's right. It's got six different chambers. Fucking use it on your dog, your thick-haired dog, and it still won't jam. And the nice thing about Manscaped is that it don't cut you down there because it's got these ceramic little blades in there and it's nice i never i never uh nick my my balls yeah you don't but and i and because of the camera i have installed

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So go back to the episode, everyone. You know what's funny? Nick is wearing the DiGiorno fleece. I got him, I think, five years ago. Yeah, I woke up this morning. I was very sad that I was awake early, which I realize to most people in the world who have normal jobs, not that early to be up at eight.

But I was just like, I don't want to be up right now and my house is fucking freezing it's cold now it's so cold right now and so i'm like i need the warmest shit within five feet of me because i won't search and it was this and i was like it was in five within five feet of him how is it within five feet i have a small room and he likes the way it was in my closet because it it smells like me. Does it smell like him? Hold on. No. It smells like maybe like a soccer store. Like a store for clothes for sports. Store for balls.

Ball store. The Ball State. Ball store. Ball State. Where Nick Kingling used to work. We did Fear and. And their podcast is so free. Free how? It's like not hard to do oh yeah like i feel like well i actually no i feel the opposite really yeah well because when we went on we got

like a couple minutes in and i was like i don't think they have a host no no but but so i was like oh i'll host i'll do it you just took over the motion. You're giving yourself too much work. It's lights off fucking mission. No, no, it's lights off and it's doggy style. But do you care if the episode's good? No. That's why it's free for you. No.

Because if it's bad and I'm in it, I feel like shit. I mean, look, to be clear, I want the episode to do really well because I think it's funny that I'm their most viewed episode. Yeah. And I want to be another most viewed episode. Right. I'm like three of their top ten or something and I love I would love to be a fourth But as far as what the actual episode is like there the reviewers are there they'll take anything It's fucking disgusting

Dude, I think about it all the time. It pisses me off. It's like it's like it's like Austin you're so gay It's like it's like it's like Austin you're so gay And then it'll be Austin telling a story that's like first world problem times a thousand It's like the Hilton ran out of free cookies the songs on his fucking phone because he's always with the phone He's always with the phone and then a songs clocked out cuz he just did a 13 hour stream He's always with the phone And then Hassan's clocked out Because he just did A 13 hour stream So he's like

Why podcast? Can you have more? Cutie starts to bring up a topic And Will Neff is like Yo guys Hold on Bitch Shut up

What if I was drinking A lot of milk right now? She gets 30 seconds Into a Taylor Swift story Before getting cut off And then Hassan Like looks at the most Viewed TikTok of the week

And he's like Y'all see that thing Where they have a $59 million wedding? I think Fearan is just a ploy for Hasan to get to talk about what he talks about on stream to real people. Maybe. What happened to him on stream that day to real people? Streamers shouldn't do podcasts.

Okay, let's... Hey guys, let's get out of here. We had a good time. We had a good run. I was thinking about this on the drive here. If we weren't funny, let's say we were dog shit, and let's say we were just terrible at podcasting or whatever.

Many may think that in the first place, but let's say we were so bad that it was like an unwatchable mess sure would ludwig step in would he be like hey guys you gotta be better at this yeah yeah or because he's really checked out right ludwig shows up he comes he's funny bears but he's always been checked into the to the content like he's always been checked into like like if we have like a bad episode or we do something like that's like i don't know like uh like i think with dnd like we got like like one session in the dnd and he was already like we should try to role play better we should try to this we should try to that he's always tapped

into like the actual content i think he just doesn't care about the uh doesn't want to do the like managerial no but i think more like my question was like if if we were bad literally on the show what level of which would he pop in to be like hey yo what the fuck's going on here to answer for him again yeah please i'm asking you not him shut up i haven't spoken i think he would have to believe that the problem is like external to us like like they can be fixed i think if he thought that like we were not capable of making the changes he would just either find a way to get out of it or do it until he's dead imagine he just batman zip lines out i would just end it he's right he knows me you would end it if i thought the problems were

not external yeah if the problems were to me like oh we're recording too much back to back or at a not good enough time or we're not like being conscious enough about coming with topics, then that'd be fine. But if it was like fundamentally we've gotten too old and unfunny. This person needs to change fundamentally to be on this show successfully. Right.

I would never cut somebody and replace them and I can't change a human. That'd be so funny. Yeah, like. We just pick up like, I don't know, Schlatt. Wait, is this NBA team? The Yard has signed Schlatt and blockbuster deal.

Dude, imagine podcast drafting season. And they trade. Yeah, that'd be so sick. A mid-season trade. And you got to hit by the trade window. And we trade Nick for Jarvis. And it's like, we'll see how this team works out. We'll see.

We'll see. Because we thought we needed somebody who was more in touch with women. Yeah, we needed someone who liked more in touch with women. Yeah, we needed someone who liked women more. Yeah, it's been a problem. We swapped Aiden for Austin.

We needed to get more gay. We should do, we should do Shuffle Week, where we get like 10 podcasts in on it and we all switch a member. Oh, that would be funny.

It wouldn't, it'd be so confusing. The logistics would be insane. If it all happened at the same time in one week, I think it would be kind of funny. It'd be so easy. The logistics would be insane. If it all happened at the same time in one week, I think it would be kind of funny. It'd be so easy. The logistics would be insane because not

everyone podcasts in fucking LA County. Okay, hold on. If you're saying you can't find 10 podcasts in LA, don't know what to tell you. Yeah, but like 10 ones that people care about. But it's like 10 podcasts individually booking one guest is not complex, and this is that. I fail to

see what you're talking about, but I don't care enough to have you explain it. I see you. And this is that. I fail to see what you're talking about, but I don't care enough to have you explain it. I see you. I see you too. And I would like for you to play dodgeball. Oh, you see me? Hold on, someone's looking. Whoa, whoa.

Okay. All right. Hey. Okay. That's the Nick. I kept doing the Nick in this new game, Lethal Company. I don't know if you've seen it. That's the Nick.

That's the Nick. It's one of the Nicks. It's one of the Nicks. The Whip of the Nene, classically a white guy's dance. He goes for that a lot. Are we going next one of the women in a class white guys Are we gonna pretend Nick doesn't whip a lot you can just say what it is We would you do I did the Nick okay

Company you can like you can like hit one of these these. But the Nick is specifically doing the move, but then right before the move being like, hold on, check this out. In a situation that doesn't make as much sense. Right, okay. I appreciate that, Ludwig. What have you... Okay, you've stolen that from Nick.

You've stolen everything from me. What have you stolen from Aiman? Personality-wise, I'm sure. I've stolen... You've been asked this question twice now. I've stolen stuff. Kisses from boys. I stole his love.

I stole... You know what I stole from you? What? Is your contempt for annoying gamers. We talked about it already. That's actually true, yeah, yeah. Also stolen from Slime. No, it's just because they're the same.

I'm different. Bro, no, I'm different. Are they the same or are they different? I treat my online opponents with very quiet respect because of the tightrope that they they they hold the vibes hostage I don't fear them. Also, I do they can't crush the vibes because I'll still top frag and I can carry bad vibes It's still not worth it even top fragging. Whatever. I think call of duty has reversed a lot of my progress with toxicity. Oh. In games.

Are you back? I'm back. He's so back. I'm back in, dude, game chat. Always being on. You can say it. You're saying it again. Dude, game chat always being on and you can always talk to your opponents is crazy.

I forgot what it's like. With voice? Yes. Dude, that's insane. Talk to your opponent's screen. You're in the pre-game lobby, and you're in the game, and you're just like, you accidentally have your in-game on when you're in Discord, and you're like,

yeah, yeah, I'm gonna get coffee at 6. And someone's like, shut the fuck up, loser! And you're like, oh, I'm gonna get coffee! I'm gonna fucking coffee! It's exactly like that. But also, like, every single Call of Duty pub player is homophobic and racist. Like, all of them.

Coffee at Six is crazy. And, like, there's no... I actually realized that, like, people who play Valorant, most of them are not that bad. No, they're just cringe. And you think they're bad because you meet one who's, like, super racist. Dude. But everyone who plays Call of Duty is racist. All of them.

Dude, that's crazy. I was thinking about this this because Valorant, I feel like there's a lot of women who play Valorant. You have a high likelihood of getting a woman in your game and speaking on the microphone, right? I've realized that in two years, not one time have I had someone make a weird comment to one of the women on my team in Valorant. In playing Valorant?

Yeah, which I think is crazy. Compared to what it used to be like in CS or Call of Duty. I think it's the least sexist game. Yeah. Of competitive games with voice comms specifically. Yeah, probably. I think the community gets like a bad rap because there's always people

who are shitty. Who deserves it because it's really cringe. And I think that's its biggest issue. Cringe often is more of a crime than anything else. That's it because it's really cringe. And I think that's its biggest issue. Cringe often is more of a crime than anything else. People sometimes hate cringe more than racism.

Crime or cringe. That's a good series for your YouTube channel. I'm just trying to be helpful to you. And I look up crimes or cringes. Cringes.

You have to guess. Yeah, you have to guess which one it is. So this man murdered 17 children. Yeah, I like the idea of a it is. So this man murdered 17 children. No, I like- yeah, I like the idea of a guy watching an entire, like, black and white footage of a man, uh, in an electric chair, uh, until he's dead, and then being like, guys, crime or cringe?

A man goes around smelling the seats in a bus when everyone gets off. Is it crime or cringe? I think it's both. This is a problem. It can't be both! It just isn't a crime. It must be a cringe. It's cringe! It's not a crime! I would say it kind of is a crime.

What's the charge? What if the person who gets up sees them smell it? Does it turn into a crime? Is it a harassment of some kind? No. God, what a, what a, oh my God. It's like an Escher painting.

It's cringe. It's really cringe, actually. This is my million dollar YouTube video. He did it. All right, he worked it in there. You know what? Good job. Good video.

Crime or cringe. Crime or cringe. Crime or cringe. Paying for somebody's parking in LA. See, it's like a philosophical question. It's like, man, like, in LA. See, it's like a philosophical question. It's like, man, can we actually pay money for other people? Right, yeah.

Dude, I got an fucking parking ticket. It's not a good story, but I'm telling it. I got a parking ticket at Highland Park, and I had gone from my car for three minutes. They camped me out, bro. Yeah, because you're a fucking operator. And then I got up, and I grabbed coffee, went back to my car my car ticket good. It's fucked up good That is finally fucking someone takes a swing at you really I wish is boring She lived in Highland Park one time and all the cops are there yeah, and they want to persecute me a gamer

Well, they want to pursue her for having sex with her brother. That's not don't say that I don't think that she does that I don't think that she does that. I don't think Billie Eilish has sex with her brother. I don't think that she does that. Well, I can't be certain. Well, you can't be certain, right? We can't be certain. Many things we can't be certain of in this world. We can be certain. They're not.

You're certain. I'm certain. 100% certainty, Billie Eilish and Phineas Eilish have never had sex with each other. I've never heard his whole name. This is the crime or cringe. Crime or cringe. Crime or cringe. Crime or cringe. Sex with your, consensual sex with your sibling. I've never heard his whole name. The crime or cringe. This is, this is. Crime or cringe. Crime or cringe. Crime or cringe.

Sex with your, consensual sex with your sibling. Crime or cringe. Well, that's, that's a crime. No, it's cringe. It's cringe. No, it's not American. Isn't it a crime just to marry your sibling? Why?

Wait, why is it a crime for incest? Are we not fucking Americans? I mean, you can say that sentence to every crime. No. Murder? Why? Why? Are we not Americans? But this is my question to you. This is applicable because America has laws, and would the laws apply to this situation?

I'm pretty sure incest is a crime. The crime of incest is embodied in penal... That's funny, penal code. It is 285 PC. Look at that. So you can go to jail for up to three years for having sex with Billie Eilish. No, that's not what that means.

With certain relatives. I think that's good. Your sibling is certainly on that list. I'm talking about brother, sister, adults. Porn has ruined your mind. Porn hasn't ruined my mind. It doesn't have to do with pornography. Look at you have a gross mind.

It has everything to do with pornography. No, it has to do with the sensual way they record music together. I don't think he even knows her brother's name. She said the whole thing. She said the whole thing. I said it. It's Phineas.

I didn't know it. No, this is a theory much like the Avril Lavigne is dead theory. Yeah. Even if both parties condemned the sexual they still be found guilty.

I think that's actually good. But who's charging them? Jokes aside, there should be a punishment for this. For incest? Sure. You know who was pro for a while? Is that a crime because we all think it's gross? Or is it bad for the gene pool or something?

Yes. I mean, I think if everyone had sex with their brother and sister and had kids it would be bad for society as a human race it'd be bad and i think it's because most people doing it were crime doers yeah yeah they're like it's not like it's not like hey we just had like we're two adults with like office jobs and you're my sister and i'm your brother it's more like there's a power dynamic i think the other yeah the other dynamic at play is like fucking you you can manipulate you have an emotional you, you can manipulate, you have an emotional relationship

that you can easily manipulate. Often times an older sibling. Like Aiden and Otto. So yeah, basically, Ludwig, I think you're right. I think it's okay.

Incest is only defined as occurring between relatives ages 14 and older. I'm guessing otherwise it's, wait, wait, 14? This is for the sake of the law?

14's a weird line. What the fuck is going on wait 14. Oh, this is for the sake of the law weird line What the fuck is going on with California wait? What is the Venn diagram between 14 and 16 here? Well, you're you can get into a few don't like talking about this. I'm gonna go away from this Let's keep going. I love this. It doesn't say question Hey thanks for watching this episode of crime or cringe I'm just saying why is that number lower? Crime or cringe Aiden asking that question.

That seems bad. Nick, congrats. I watched you play Call of Duty. Oh, thank you, thank you. I'm not going to say congrats because you didn't win it all. Yeah, I respect. For real. That's what he wants to hear.

I don't care. Dude, oh my god, it hurts so bad. To lose? Yeah. It hurt to be in there. I was so emo about it. Really my god, it hurts so bad. To lose? Yeah. It hurts to be in there. I was so emo about it. Really? Yeah, but I bounced back.

You have another event, don't you? No. I thought you had it. Why did I think you have another Call of Duty event where someone picked you? I played the second one in the middle of that one. Oh. Yeah, and I learned. I'm glad I learned this.

So I was in a Call of Duty event, basically. I know we talked about it last episode because so I was in a Call of Duty event basically we talked about it in the last episode but I was in a Call of Duty event where I had Clayster on my team you know world champion

Call of Duty player and I was just like Clay I'm like at a loss here I played so bad and the second tournament was one day and I played so bad

in it and I was just like Clay I don't know what's going on like I'm playing so bad can you just like watch one of my fucking games

he's like yeah I'm down to watch your game. But also, like, what are your settings? And I told him my settings. And he's like, dude, what the fuck? He's like, I've never seen anyone with these settings on. Just change this stuff. I accidentally had, like, the wrong aim assist setting. That makes the game, like, really fucking hard to play.

The whole time. And I was like, what? And I took it off and I played GB's and I was so much better instantly Wait, this is after the tournament was over? So this was in between I see this is really hard after this one tournament after the one tournament Yeah, I turned it off and I played bracket with the new thing. I played so much better I was so upset at myself because the other tournament had a big prize pool and I was on scumps team I was like, oh my god. Fake game fake game Amethyst makes it a fake game. I feel the same with you.

Mouse and Keyboard, they're getting their revenge though because Mouse and Keyboard sniping is really hard to deal with. Snipers kind of won the tournament I was in. So you lost. You got what, third? We got third, which was still like 15 grand for our team.

That's pretty great. That's pretty good. I get a piece of Yingling's action. No, you don't I do why? You can play the tournament from three locations Yeah, he played it once from Ludwig's house once from his house and once from his mom's house in Arizona He was a traveling performer. It was great. It's like John fatality. Do you guys don't get a piece? I get a piece No, you don't do it played. He was aiding Calvin the whole tournament. Dude, the casters are like, Aiden Calvin in a 1v2. It's so funny. It's all up to Aiden Calvin.

Dude, fuck yeah it is. We're not telling you because we want to hear what you think about us getting a piece of Nick Yingling. We're just telling you because it's something to talk about. It was so funny because it started getting around enough. I went to Verdugo this week and I come up to a canyon a socal melee player uh and i'm just like saying hi chatting a sec and canyon's like yo great job in the call of duty tournament and i'm like i have a confession that is that is nick yingling such a fucking idiot guys my girlfriend wants me to cook all the time oh i know which is insane because you don't cook at

all and i realized i can just leverage our factor sponsorship to just get factor meals and fill my fridge with them so what are you gonna do are you gonna get the factor meals and put it in the outside fridge and then she's like what are we having for dinner you're like i don't know and you dump it on because i've had factor and it just tastes like like normal good food so i'm just gonna put it on a plate and it'll'll be like bone apple teeth, my love. Here is the food. Honey, I cook this in two minutes. Yeah.

I have these protein plus meals with 30 grams of protein, so you can get big and strong to lift me when I'm old and weak. You know how I'm going to throw her off? They have 55 add-ons you can do every week. I'm just going to mix it up every week. She'll have no idea. And she's like, you're so creative with your meal choices. Honey, would you like a juice smoothie or or breakfast option this morning i can't believe

you made uh you made chicken soup with a juice uh base and i'm like yeah i don't know how to use all these things yeah then there's like a microwave in the back that's just getting slotted out turned out just absolutely used and abused in the middle of our driveway just to make the food so good so i like this idea it's guys it's factor factor meals. Just in the middle of our driveway. Just to make the food so good. So I like this idea. It's guys, it's factor. Factormeals.com slash theyard50. Get 50% off your first box. Deceive your loved ones. Fool them into thinking you can actually cook. And you don't have loved ones. That's also fine. You can track your macros. It's good for like other normal stuff. But for us, it's about deception. Yeah. Every good good relationship especially long-term ones are built on lies and fooling the other person and factormeals.com slash the r50 will help you

achieve that goal although they are not based on lies themselves america's number one ready to lie kit no no say say it right ready ready to eat lies america's number one ready and uh and what we're going to do is Ludwig's come back. What he doesn't know is this episode we actually implanted a secret device

in his, you know? You know. And so, see if you can see his facial expressions when we activate it with a secret remote.

Now, pay attention. Really close the episode when we come back. And now. What happened with Firepuff? Hmm? What happened with Firepuff?

You got Firepuff 12, bro. You didn't get Firepuff hmm what happened with firepuff if you got firepuff 12 bro you didn't get firepuff i'm not i can't he even got nair rested isn't that crazy i can't this is what i will say uh-huh he did he did play well that day uh-huh but after game one which i won i dropped my controller and my controller broke and he was wearing his wrong skate shoes tardy kickflip and the fans and also like with someone else's did you get in there rested i did was it last stock uh no i played firepuff one time my entire melee career it was at power nine he rested me seven times in a set and i won yeah he's addicted to that shit to this day Yeah Young Akil Still loves to hit The down B on you

He played good He beat Breakfast Right before that He also ate breakfast It was a crazy day for him Don't pretend like you know Anybody

I love breakfast He's so nice I went I went I went 0-2 For the last two melee turns I went 0-2 What's going on with you?

I don't know And I saw Stanky there I haven't seen Stanky In a long time And I gave him a hug And I'm like Bro I went 0-2 He What's going on with you? I don't know. And I saw Stanky there. I haven't seen Stanky in a long time. And I gave him a hug. And I'm like, bro, I went 0-2. He's like, for real? I'm like, yeah. And he looks at me.

He's like, this shit ain't sweet anymore, bro. And I'm like, no, it's not sweet. It's not sweet. It's too hard. I want to know how you felt about it. Because do you want to keep playing? Oh, I feel good. No.

Fuck. I'll fucking kill myself. I feel good. I hope you go 0-2 forever now. He doesn't mean that. No, he doesn good. No, that's fucking... I'll fucking kill myself. I hope you go 0-2 forever now. He doesn't mean that. No, he doesn't mean that. What, what, what? Are you going to keep playing?

Yeah. That's what I was going to ask. Are you playing when you're home? Uh, yeah. I like practice. Sometimes John will play with me if he's bored. But, uh, I, I, I don't care. It's funnier if a guy who goes 0-2 a bunch beats somebody.

It's like, I can't lose. Dude, the worse, the worse you do, the funnier your Graves win gets. I know. Graves is just... I can't lose. If I do really well, it's like, damn, slime's on the come up. If I keep losing, it's like, damn, it's crazy. Graves is keeping Graves.

Graves could be going 0-2 at Verdugo, if you think about it. I'm saying. It's stacked. I have to fight Rat round 2. Are you fucking kidding me? I'm chilling. I'm bing chilling. Is Lethal Company fun, Ludwig?

It's very fun. Everyone's talking about it. I'm like, do I have to get friends together? It's fun because it has proximity chat. Games with proximity chat are fun and the proximity chat's good and then it's also like generally fun game mechanically, and it has no ceiling. So you could, theoretically, if you're a good player, play a long time. And it's kind of like zombies in that way.

Oh, so at some point, you have to do shit over and over again? It's not like procedurally generated or anything, right? No, it's just, I guess maybe it is. I don't know that word. But it's just the same three days over and over, and you try to get money, and you have like a quota that builds. Oh, it gets harder with the quota. And the quota can be really hard to hit.

Can sweats ruin the game? Well, I mean, the sweats are your friends. You can't like, you're not like pub lobby. Yeah, but like a sweater. If one of your friends gets absurdly good at the game, does it ruin it? Oh, no. I think it helps. Can someone fuck the vibes if they're trying too hard?

I mean, always, right? I guess it's always possible, but you're always able to provide value, and you can always fuck with them. In fact, if it's really killing your value, you can kill them. So it's like a party game, kind of. Yeah. They're too good, you just kill them. My favorite clips I've seen from the game have been when someone opens a door and they disappear into the room

and they just go and they're in the room now and you're like I don't know what's happening in there and then you pop in and they're screaming and fighting a demon or something. Yeah. Yeah and I think like there's always the demons and so you know even if you're really fucking good the demons sometimes get you. Dude did you ever hear about in Hardcore Wow it was before I think the big Blizzard servers

were up but this guy did like a I don't know the story exactly zipper zipper will be clapping in terms of how accurate i am but he basically joined this hardcore guild and he like ran this like i think year-long cover where his whole plan was to wipe uh a tiny violin yeah his whole plan was to wipe this hardcore raid during like a 40-man uh naxromys run and he just like he infiltrated the guild he was like i'm a good guildie i i raid with you guys and like built these friendships and then this one fight if if you if you run over to the wrong side it just kills everybody because like the polarity gets fucked up and everyone just dies permadeath and

hardcore and he did it and he just like fucking killed like these like hundreds hundreds hour characters in this whole raid and uh who are we talking to it we we were talking to someone about this explaining it and they were like uh that is like the modern oh it was a guest yeah it was a guest it was zach it was zach yeah i told that to zach and he's like that is that's like the online version of a school shooting i was like and i think about that all the time because i'm like your gm raided with him in the past he's insanely toxic i can imagine zipper what a crazy it was like this like long con like i'm gonna fuck these because he also like presumably put in hundreds of hours yeah but he

got more joy getting rid of thousands of hours his hundreds of hours was able to take down so many more thousands fucked up That is fucked up. That is fucked up. He was like Leonidas. Because the hardcore meta back then, Miles was telling me a bunch, where it was like, you got griefers. Griefers will always exist, and you can't really PvP each other, but you can pull mobs over. There's ways to

get people killed, and then there's a counter faction to protect people from the griefers. It's like this insane ecosystem zipper tried to kill miskiv that what what can't be doing that zipper he thought it'd be funny but then there was an army of miskiv people like ready to defend him which is like i mean you gotta it's not an original thought no it's not a streamer with 30k viewers playing world of warcraft we're trying to kill him.

Just running around Goldshire with a fucking knife out trying to... There's a lot of people trying to do that, I think. And the thing is, you don't need to try, Zebra. He does it by himself. So what I'm saying is, I think about Lethal Company, and my mind goes back to that idea of a guy trying to fuck someone. What if the Yard played Lethal Company a lot of times? It wouldn't be bad. Would that be fun?

It wouldn't be bad. It could be good. Because you know what? We don't have Sycuno numbers. He's not going to wear a diaper. He's not going to wear a diaper. You're not going to be a beautiful woman with a sunscreen line. And I'm almost there. I'm about Ludwig's size. Who do you think you are in this example?

Hassan. Okay. Beautiful woman with a sunscreen line. Who do you think you are in this example? Hassan. Okay. Who is he? Beautiful woman with a sunscreen line. Was that in reference to somebody? No. Or just... I don't think he's well-designed.

But it's a beautiful woman with a sunscreen line. Okay. We could play. My girlfriend last night asked me who's the biggest guy I'd fight for her. Aw. I took the question really seriously because i'm like watch like the this girl slap your ass what you do in videos i think we were watching something like that yeah and then she was like what's the biggest guy you'd

fight for me no we were watching a tv uh we were watching the mic which is uh sure sure yeah the netflix show um and i thought about it and i'm like Hassan's too big someone like slightly smaller than Hassan I think you wouldn't fight Hassan that gangster disses your fly girl you wouldn't do it I think if I ran full speed at Hassan and tried to tackle him he would stay standing yeah but the idea is that you would defend her no matter what the size of the man

I think getting your ass beat is a good thing there no but I I treated the question like guys hitting on my girlfriend what size guy would I fight

in that situation. He's not like hurting your girlfriend. No, he's not. No, I would attack anything hurting obviously anyone. What if he was really big? Well, then she she followed up

she was like you wouldn't fight Shaq for me? Like sincerely and I was like what do you want me to do? No, he left it all in the court So she's like somber like ten minutes later I'm like all right, I would fight Shaq for you, and I would I would go down swinging and she's like really

Theoreticals have made me lie a lot more in my relationship dead ass That's what the point of it is Theoreticals have made me lie a lot more in my relationship Deadass That's what the point of it is I would fuck that worm so good You know what Once I go worm I can't go back Even if your worm body perished I would look for more worms

But no worm would compare to you ever So I'd die alone and sad because you're gone As a worm Yeah you're gone as a worm. Yeah, you're just supposed to lie. Yeah, I don't have this problem. You could sleep, Hasan. Huh?

You wouldn't need to defend someone. I wouldn't need to defend a beautiful male lady. I could kill Hasan at any moment with my hands. I like saying this. I like acting like, I'm trying to think of a good example, like a small little scruffy guy next to Hassan, the lumbering giant in my life.

Yeah. And so every time I see him, I just tell him, I beat your ass, dude. Why do you think I do? I squat more than you. That's what you do to me. I know.

The fuck you think this is? This is just, this is another shtick you take from him. All lovely roads lead to slime at some point. You have a fucking thing. God, that feels good.

Yeah, even the road to gold. Which I'm currently on. Are you in gold right now? No, I'm on the road though. I'm on goal three. I got placed in goal three. I haven't played Valorant in fucking months. But then I played to play with Dubbin.

Yeah, Dubbin. Because he's playing on stream alone, getting inted and just screaming. And I'm like, I can fix her and then i did like this this this uh last week you had the stream where i was in a call with you and yingling because him and yingling are are grinding doing vod review uh like every night in the discord and i'd hop in to just see what's going on. And you were live. And you get like six. It's like four two in your Valorant game. And you're like, you ask your omen for the third time if he could smoke mid window. And he just says a no.

And you ended stream. He told me this. This was such a big event. He told me about it. I'm 28. I'm 28. I don't have to deal with this. I'm logging off.

See you guys later. I ulted forward. And then I ended the stream. I'm so off. See you guys later. I ulted forward, and then I ended the stream. That's so beautiful. The end of the story for that, I booted back up the game. Yeah. And then I played it through, and we were like 4 to 10, and we brought it back 12-12.

Wow. And then my internet cut out. Dude, that seems like you're griefing. You're like, just kidding. From their perspective, it was like, I brought it back As a fake, like, yeah And then I fucking, but I actually really Wanted to win, my internet just died

And I booted it back up the next day, cause it was gone For like the whole fucking night And we lost The post game And they brought it to last person He just didn't clutch, and it was the Omen It was a 1v1. I looked at the timeline. It was Omen 1v1.

He choked it. He's just in the prison yard, and he's got one thing to do, and he's like, I should have smoked. I should have smoked on round six. I was hanging out with the boys this weekend at the wedding, and I was looking around at all of our good friends, all of our male friends, and I said, what an assless crew we have. Not me, though, because I wasn't at the wedding because i wasn't there and then i know i i gotta say even and i thought back home i only have one i have one ass master at my side and he's not here right now and that

makes me so sad but it made me think about you know what improved the ass of all of my assless friends i'm talking shake drizzle no ass okay burger yan zero assless friends. I'm talking shake, drizzle, no ass. Okay. Burger Yan, zero ass. Right. Radstads, zero ass. You, zero ass. You know what would help this out? Some MeUndies.

Make them shits pop. Oh, they do make those pop because they're soft and silky and they got all those curves. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to gift all of you guys MeUndies because it will make that whatever you got going on down there, that wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. that and then you're gonna give me a bralette so that i not only a bralette i'll get you the new joggers

hoodies and onesies because they got a lot of stuff now monthly shipments right to your door you know what i realized recently is like there's not a lot of things in life you want shipped monthly to your door but specifically underwear i never buy that shit for myself ever a fresh when i get for christmas as an adult i'm like whoa dude he's got holes in his i do got holes i'm like i'm like the shiloh buff of having underwear that's why that's why your shit look all fucked up because it's airing out you need the me undies to keep your hams nice and tight so you get the interesting styles i'll get you one with hams on it little Christmas hands readable. It's stretchy, but that I'm genuinely gonna get you guys and I'm not gonna pay for it because they're sponsoring this podcast I'm gonna get everyone me undies so I can stop riding around with my stupid assless crew Dude, these ad reads work so well that my girlfriend has started buying me undies so that we have matching underwear. Oh

started buying me undies so that we have matching underwear oh we have matching underwear hers doesn't have skid marks like yours so go to me undies.com slash zipper and uh don't wait to be comfortable yeah 20 off your first purchase plus free shipping if you use our code man is a calm slash zipper and that's right zipper also wears them they custom made zipper under the undies they have a zipper on them yeah it's really it's probably not done that yet me undies. They have a zipper on them. Yeah. It's really interesting. How have we not done that yet? Me undies. Yeah. Zipper underwear. I think that's a bad idea.

No. What are you catching in there? You're an idiot. So you can pee without taking your underwear off, but you still take your pants off. You just invented pants. No, no. Anyway, 20% off meundies.com slash zipper. Let's get back to Ludwig and try to observe right when it comes back how juicy his dumper really is.

Look at my friend's ass. Are you retiring from Call of Duty? I think I'm addicted, dude. Yeah, you are. He was playing last night. He was playing? We had shit to do. And he's just gone.

And I've been like, you know what? He's on a sabbatical. He's the driver of a lot of stuff. I will let OG play as much game as he like. And then I'm like, hey, when are we going to meet up? Hey, when are we going to meet up? Hey, when are we going to meet up? Nothing, Cricket. What happened to no game in Nick?

Game fun. He's addicted. I earned it, bro. I earned it. Gaming's fun. Yeah, Call of Duty's very fun. Also, you only have a few more weeks of game battles before it goes away forever.

Yeah, game battles go away forever. That's crazy. I think it'll get saved. I mean, LG didn't get saved. We'll be saving went forever. That's crazy. I think it'll get saved. Well, the thing that... I mean, LG didn't get saved. We'll be saving game battles. That's right. We're announcing it here

on this podcast. The Yard. Oh, Shopify. Shopify. Shopify. No, no, no. Not Yard. We can't afford

server space. We can get one of those free equity slices that we don't pay money for. The Yard, Moist, Shopify, Rebellion, Ludwig.

Ludwig. Ludwig. Dubbin. Dubbin ludwig well there is still uh dubbing battles i think it's cmg is what it's called but there's a website for dude i almost got a job there at cmg yeah really yeah they almost that was when i oh wait i think i remember this it was i was offered a job at cmg they had their office in rodeo social media right or yeah before or after merchant of death era this is before because what happened is i ended up moving in with them without a job and then i tried to find any job i could which was the vape job so i had two paths one was cmg one was this one i think slime is the one i think it was you i was that we were in the car and we were driving down uh the the 57 I said to Ludwig, he was like,

should I do this social media job? Like he was asking me about it. And I asked him this important question that changed the course of his life. I said, do you want to be talent or do you want to be behind the scenes? And he made the decision right there and said talent. And then he didn't take the job

and he moved in with us to fucking stream. And then we stuck them to completion every single night. He made you, bro. I remember this. he did make me in that moment he made you and and every following night after that moment where he sucked me to completion yeah i just you would brick into the roof of my mouth Oh, that... I think... What the fuck? So visceral. Don't drop a pin where it happens. And like Popeye, I go...

And that's the N.R.Y.R.D. podcast. And that's how DumbD Podcast. And that's how Dumb and Cain came to be born. I'm reeling. Anyway, CMG. It's hype.

You can play Call of Duty Wagers. You can put up money versus people and play matches. Oh, yeah. It's really popular. You can do like,

dude, pros were like, they play $1,000 wagers every night. I have a I have to ask you something The streets were saying The one game I watched With you guys Is the game against

Nadeshot Because I thought It would be really funny And you guys Washed Nadeshot's team But the streets Dubbin Amon

Nick Anders Okay The streets were saying That your ringer Cheed Oh no Cheat Cheat No Yeah that's a dumb That was a dumb Okay. The streets were saying that your ringer... Cheed. Oh, no. Just go. Cheat?

Uh, no. Yeah, that's a dumb... That was a dumb thing. He was live. Nate... Stream... Stream... Uh...

Stream safe, Cheeb. Uh... Oh, you're watching Nate's stream? Nate's stream? Nate's chat was saying that. Nate's chat was saying that. Nate's stream... Nate's chat is rotating between he's cheating, what an S&D kid and also flaming Nate

shot for being... And also saying that Aiden was cheating by having Nate shot stream up, which he didn't. Which is funny. Because I did have Nate shot stream up. There's a really funny clip. So what happened in the tournament was there's a bunch of CDL pros who were

in the tournament and that's like Call of Duty's pro league. And they had scrims on the final bracket day. So all of them dropped out of the tournament. And we had to find, all the teams that had a CDL pro had to find a replacement. And we're given the instructions. You can pick up anyone you want as your sub because you all have like first seed players. So there's no one you could put on your team that would be unfair.

So we're like, okay, cool. I don't know any pros. we refer to Aiden we're like do you know anyone he's like I'll ask around and he gets his friend believe who is like not a pro but like kind of like an essay a search and destroy like veteran like plays has played a lot the pros know him they play with blah blah and I was like okay cool I was a little worried at first but he's really good it was all it was all fine he's the bloody nine of cod zipper he's the that was not like like yeah that was like what he said wow because he he he knows okay sorry there was a point in nade shot stream when we were playing because we we played nade's team in pools and we went game five and we lost um and then when we we after pools we went, because we played Nade's team in pools, and we went game five, and we lost, and then when we,

after pools, we went to bracket, we played them again, and we 3-0'd them, and it's like, scump, Nade shot, I think,

Daltushan dropped, I think it was their team, and, and there's a really funny clip, where Nade, he like, he like starts to tilt, and he starts to,

he starts to say how like, it's like cringe, that we have a sub, basically, because their team is the same, since the say how like it's like cringe that we have a sub basically because their team is the same since the beginning and it's like bro they just have this fucking snd kid and then he thinks for it like a little longer and he remembers that the snd kid replaced three time cod world champion clayster and he goes yeah they're just playing good he like just reverses what he just said i watched nate's whole stream as as he got put out to laundry by you guys and i will say he's a fantastic loser like very graceful even though he did that is like he was really good at just

being like look they play better and like you could tell he's just been around you know i actually i gained a lot of plus respect points from San Andreas. He's a very seasoned competitor. That's why I think it's so shitty that he's like, he's been retired for a while, and every other message in his chat is just somebody roasting him. Dude, his chat is mean to him. Dude, his chat is so mean to him. And they backseat the fuck out of him.

Yeah, it's crazy. It's because he's washed. Dude, I already had, obviously, like a ton of respect for Skump crazy because he's washed dude i already had obviously like a ton of respect for scump because he's fucking he's scump but his mental on match i have never seen someone that positive in the face of adversity ever really like he'd have teammates who dude they had they had a round that was like i think it was like 1v4 or 1v3 and there there's a three and they go to plant bomb No one clear sight. This is a team with like some former pros some like current warzone pros No one clear sight they get 1v3 didn't lose the round and this is like to get eliminated from bracket

And there and he is just like his eyes just go why cuz he's he's the dead one. Yeah, it's 1v3. He's the dead one He's just like What and he's kind of goes we got this we're gonna win this i'm like dude you gotta solid mental that's what you gotta do against the fucking idiots against the animals in fucking solo q or double q i think it's different i think it's different because there's an under there's a respect that you have when you team with people who you know. There's no respect between us when I don't know the person. Respect of humanity. But they're not respecting humanity.

That's why I tripped on them because they're saying GG disrespectfully. It was his E-date. He was flirting. Okay, well, fuck you. Is this what you guys argued about last night? Wait, they were cued together? Was this the fissure between you?

What we argued about was way different. Were they cued together? That's no. Was this the fissure between you? What we argued about was way different. Were they cued together? It's too long. That's an important detail. We don't know. I think so, but they were loudly flirting. Oh. Ugh.

Ugh. It was. Is love gross to you? I just drank a Pepto-Bismol. It's gross when the sky can't hit a fucking shot. The sky was a... I think flaming... I think it's also different.

People making genuine mistakes because they are just, like, not that good at the game is fine. And you have to accept that. Of course. But when people are shitty in conjunction with that

and flame, then you have my permission to shoot. It's just game theory. Thank you, Captain. It does not help the situation. I don't know. No, but sometimes it feels better.

Yeah, true. I left last night, three games lost fucking straight in that dime. We talked about this. You did not feel great. I felt great. You were so sad. I felt cash, and I looked at my fucking four MVPs in a row, and I thought, just like Jordan. In fact, one more.

Just like Jordan. One more even. That's not. I guess that's like 80s Jordan, actually. It's even better. In fact, one more. Just like Jordan. That's not. I guess that's like 80s Jordan actually. It's even better. First of all, no. Isn't that? No. He was MVP-ing.

He was dropping dubs. I mean, I'm talking about the NBA championship MVP. I was trying to do my thing with the Call of Duty guys where we went around like a 2v1 or like a 2v whatever and I'm like Shaq and Kobe. But then I realized COD players just know so much more about sports than me. So they started doing more complex references. And they're like saying all these players, and I'm like, ah. Which are just other basketball players that aren't Shaq and Kobe.

I only know retired or dead players. I do love when Yingling does this thing where he's like, Shaq and Kobe. And then if there's a third person in your lobby and he's like and you could be Derek Fisher to somebody else on that roster and Gala Nori and another guy

from the Mavericks also said one of the funniest things he's ever said which I don't know if he's said before maybe it was but he was like

God call the players the fucking baseball players of eSports so true wow really funny well that's why yeah sometimes he drops nuggets it's great if you go look at their streams the fucking baseball players of esports. So true. Wow. It was really funny. Well, that's wise.

Sometimes you drop some nuggets. It's great. If you go look at their streams, every Call of Duty player is doing the same thing at every moment. They're wearing a headset, like a pair of Astros, like old console headsets. They have one decoration in their room, which is a football jersey and a frame.

Dude, oh my God. And then maybe like a RGB light. And they're listening to the newest Drake album. They are all doing that 100% of the time. And I'm like, you know what? This is beast. Because you could like go into any like Buffalo Wild Wings and just like meet one of these guys. Right.

And they might be a Call of Duty world champion. And then they could be best friends for life. They're like franchised personalities. You know what I'm saying? Like every McDonald's looks the same inside, just like their mind. Oh, I see. Are they the jockeiest eSport?

Who's the... For sure. Yeah, because... Who jocks the hardest? I don't know, maybe Madden? Who's soccer? Who are the soccer players? I'm sorry, are you conflating soccer players

with the jockeiest? No, no, I'm asking a different question. What are some qualities... He just answered my question, so I'm asking. Are you conflating soccer players with the jockeys? No, I'm asking a different question. He just answered my question, so I'm asking a new question. What are some tropes of soccer players and fans? Foot fairies. Dives. Flops. Yes. They fake injuries. Complainers. Complainers.

But slender. The physique of a soccer player is often thought the most valuable because you're not a big hulking beast. You do have a body like this. I think it's Counter-Strike. No. I think Counter-Strike is a soccer player. No, thought the most valuable because you're not a big hulking you have a body legends I think it's counter-strike. No, I think I know it's a legends It's one of the fucking biggest in the world to me full of fucking complainers There's so many things to get so many things in the meta and different care so many stars, huh? And they fucking blows so bad. Yeah, this is it's the League of Legends. Yeah, he thought of it all

Who's Counterstrike? Counterstrike is uh... They have to be one of the coolest more Uh... Counterstrike... I would say hockey, but it's not like uh... Rugby, rugby No, rugby is cool. Stewie gets fucking folded in two seconds in a rugby match The question is not which sport could it be like No, no, no, I like this. How fast would Stewie get folded in a rugby match?

Eventually, his bones are hollow like a bird. The question is not what sport could they play. He vapes too much. You're still answering the same question. Counter-Strike is hockey, maybe. I was thinking hockey, but hockey isn't like... Because hockey players think they're hot. They think they're hot shit, just like CS players.

It's rugby, and then Valorant is American football. I think hockey players think they're baseball players. In spirit. They think they're baseball players. In spirit. They think they're the... I don't know. The Oakley glasses of people. Yeah, I can buy that. But I think hockey is just not big enough as a sport.

Hockey's massive, dude. It's pretty massive. Big enough compared to the other sport. No, hockey's like the third biggest sport in the world. It's insane, man. I can't argue with it. Hockey's the third biggest sport in the world. Yeah, it's like third or fourth. I just don't agree with you, but I don't have any data to back it up. Yeah, let's look at my guess. Super Bowl's the biggest sport in the world. Super Bowl's the largest, most popular sport.

Hockey's in the top four. Soccer. Number one. Lock it in. Soccer. Obviously. Two is, dude, I'm pretty sure two's cricket. Yeah, I feel like it's gotta be cricket. Cause all of India likes cricket. Yeah, cause India's so big. And that's like 1.5 billion people. Three. Football, cricket, hockey. Dude, see? Wow. Oh, I didn't even think about tennis. Yeah, tennis is-

Tennis is like jazz, which is like melee. Table tennis? Yeah, they don't fuck around. Dude, because table tennis is like all of China. Yeah. And then- I'm still bewildered that hockey's number three. Yeah, NA's just-

And me too. NA's just bunk, dude. Like, look how low you have to go to see America on that list. Yeah, NA's just... And me too. NA's just bunk, dude. Like, look how low you have to go to see America on that list. Yeah, dude, we got baseball. We got Babe Ruth and his big tits. Give us a picture of Babe Ruth. Did he have big tits?

And his big tits. We're about to find out, gentlemen. Babe Ruth's tits. Hey, everyone strap into the rocket ship. Babe Ruth's tits. She sounds hot. Come on, Z on zipper show me some some big ol'

fucking man milkers dude I was I was scrolling I was scrolling through the yard uh twitter

because I had to find something that we posted for the merch and I'm just going through photos and I oh Martin Luther King and I'm scrolling going through photos and I'm scrolling next to my girlfriend in

Martin Luther King with giant tits puffing naturals and I just had no way to explain. Some people were mad about that I read it and I was like that's crazy I don't know what to tell you. Like it's just Zipper where's my Babe Ruth? I can't believe it.

He's the most famous baseball player of all time. Oh, Dan's here? Tell Dan and tell yourself, I need to see Babe Ruth right now. He needs to see Babe Ruth right now. Sorry, Dan. Aiden, Spotify wrapped is problematic. What's on it?

Is it Surf's Up? Well, it's Steven Crowder. Yeah, it's the Surf's Up soundtrack. Aiden Spotify wrapped is problematic What's on it? It's Well it's Steven Crowder I don't think he has big tits Alright But imagine Dude flexing with the two bats Dude he's such an out of shape slob That's what all the baseball players

From the era were He just Google'd And it was all blurred safe search images. This is a quick break time, but that's been happening to me too. Fucking Google pissing me off because it sucks nowadays, but now if you look up because I tried to look up

porn. Right. Cutie's been gone a while. I tried to look up porn of minions yesterday. A minion porn to post into like softcore porn so you're not talking

about like full on porn no no no you're talking like cinemax type yeah and I wanted to put it in the group chat of the group I was

playing lethal company with right because somebody said check the chat because they were going to post their like highest quota and I wanted to be like

oh yeah while they're checking the chat they'll see this but everything's blurred now too they're blurring my porn yeah google results are pulling up the sponsored shit only they're censoring us they're censoring us that's true i hate big tech is keeping us down thank you yes they're keeping our dicks soft and i and we're we're soft for it we are also you didn't you link to Shrek showing his butthole to us?

You did that. Doesn't sound like me. Yeah, no, it was in the group chat. That doesn't sound like you. Doesn't sound like me. Maybe it's crazy. I think it was genuinely, it was like Shrek showing hole. I don't think Shrek would show hole.

I don't think so either, but you can just draw things. Why do you think Shrek would show some hole? Lives in a swamp. You think he's about to show you some hole? He doesn't seem like a hole guy get Shrek to show some hole? He lives in a swamp. Do you think he has a place in the island? He's about showing you some hole? He doesn't seem like a hole guy. If I'm like Shrek, here's like 30 bucks. Will you show me your hole? He's like, yes, donkey.

Because I'm donkey in this. Yes, donkey, I'm Shrek. I'm Shrek. I'll show you my hole. I'm showing your hole. For 30? 30 quid? What do they have in Shrek world?

It's quid, yeah, they're British. Everyone's British. Shrek's actually just British. He world? It's quid. Yeah, they're British. Everyone's British. Shrek's actually just British. He's not even an ogre. Yeah, he's just Scottish. He's just a British guy. In the second one, he just becomes a little more handsome.

Yeah. The slime yesterday wouldn't stop trying to get me to look up Adam Savage's butthole. I wasn't trying to get you to look it up. I asked you if you wanted to see it. Like from Mythbusters? Mythbusters, yeah. We actually had a very, I would say, enlightening discussion about the concept of a famous butthole and how we are supposed to process and and understand that as maybe fans maybe fellow creators maybe people who just are curious to see yeah because he's on a bed right and it's just it's it's like

his asshole is so dry wait what is what is this from? His picture. Did he just post his ass? Yeah, but it was like a leak or some shit? Apparently he posted it on some forum, like way back. Allegedly. Might not be him. Allegedly. Could be fake.

We don't know. But someone brought it up in my chat, and I was like, what? He posted a hole? And then some guy DM'd it to me on Twitter, because I asked. It was solicited. And I was like, whoa! This myth needs to be Busted okay

Do you think do you think if we posted a hole it would make natural sense? For the viewers of this podcast to look up our whole we could mount Rushmore This already happened to him right his balls on cold ones were leaked and he was kind of stressed about it his donut holes his big smooth eggs my munchkies I don't know why I made me laugh you said it

it was so good and we were talking about like is it so you said you wouldn't look at that Adam Savage's butthole out of sort of respect because I like Mythbusters what if you didn't like Mythbusters what if you didn't fuck with Mythbusters

what if you're like mid-show I wouldn't do that on a spy but like for example if someone's super famous butthole leak I look at butthole Obama butthole I look at butthole yeah he was saying Obama's butthole I'm like okay we'll head a state.

What the fuck is that? Yeah, I'm looking at that. Yeah, I mean, obviously if it's consensual, it doesn't matter. It's not even a discussion. Oh, you just auto look. I mean, it doesn't, like, there's no question. What if Obama said, hello fellow Americans, here's my butthole. Yeah, then I would, 100%. Well, like, I would look at Obama's butthole. I would say yes, president. If Adam Savage was like, hey

guys, check out my butthole, I'm dropping an OnlyFans, I would maybe look. But that, because he wants that. Sure, there is a consent to... You just do it because he wants it? You just do things that people want? I want a million dollars. If you wanted me to, do you want it? I want a million dollars. Show hole.

So the idea is that, okay, let me put it this way. If Tucker Carlson's hole pick leaves... Yes. A hundred percent. Because you have contempt for Tucker Carlson. No, it's not even that't have respect for him not because i have contempt for him those are different yeah i'm ready it's so tight maybe you're looking at of course he's got just your family puckered just what if it looks like a sleeve of wizard but like i'm not looking at conan o''s if his hole leaks. Why? Because I respect Conan O'Brien.

Because it just seems boring. So to distill this, out of respect, if you respect the person that's hole gets leaked, you will opt not to look at it because you feel it is an invasion and something not,

a nice thing to do. Can I ethically look at Tucker Carlson's butthole if it leaks? If it leaks? If it's up to you, then your own ethical world. But for me,

I don't have respect for him. And so if I was confronted with him face to face, I would not feel bad that I seen his hole. But if I saw Conan O'Brien, then I wouldn't, I wouldn't feel bad

if I met him face to face. And the thoughts of his hole would reach my mind as I looked at him in the face. It's really nice to meet, I seen your hole. Well, what about when you leaked my balls?

Did you feel guilty about that? Yes. How? How guilty did you feel? Because it didn't feel like you did. I felt bad, but I also felt like there were circumstances, perhaps out of my control, as to how the picture got on my desk in the first place. You kept it on your desk.

Literally, you put it next to your monitor. Totally out of his your monitor you could have thrown it away yeah but so why would you say you'd be hurt you'd be hurt if you threw it away that's true he would probably flame me if i did that but how did it get there in the first place i put it under your keyboard okay and then and then you found it did i find it or was i told to i would have never found i created an elaborate rube Goldberg machine and that you ended up you checking under your keyboard and finding a Polaroid of my balls. Yes.

Okay. And then. And then weeks pass. Yes. And instead upon finding this, instead of throwing it away or putting in your wallet. So I don't like this idea that, wait, what? Instead of like keeping it, putting it in your wallet. Yeah.

Cutting it out. Heart-shaped locket. You're talking to a guy who still has like a Red Bull can from eight years ago it out heart-shaped locket you're talking to a guy who still has like a red bull can from eight years ago on his desk sure and you're like oh so i'm what the fuck you know me you know when you put that on my desk it would live there till not only that you did you could have put it under something you put it next to your monitor yeah which is the viewport of your experience right i would always see it yes it would stay with us forever something that the camera would never look at.

Which in a way is sweet of me. It is sweet. And then I happened. I just don't like this idea of it not being in your control. There are some factors out of my control. Some factors in my control. Some factors out of my control. One would say the most prominent factors were in your control. I would say the most prominent factor was its creation.

I actually, crazy enough, I agree with Ludwig here. What? Because imagine you had his credit card. Okay. You wouldn't return it to him, like, anywhere near his stream room. I wouldn't tape it to my fucking monitor. He shouldn't have done that.

But it's bad to put it there because you know he'll leave it there and then he'll eventually put his camera there. I disagree. I think this is insane. I think I'm being gaslit. No, you sound crazy.. I think this is insane. I think of being gaslit. No, you sound crazy. But I think you gambled because I think you wanted

his reaction to be on stream. Of course. So that's the gamble you run and you lost your gamble. Let me say to clear up, I'm not upset that my balls were viewed in that way. I think it was hilarious

and that's okay. But I was wondering how you felt about the guilt of, you know, showing my balls. It was more muted than if I had printed out a picture of your balls

without you knowing. It was a leak. It was a... You leaked my balls. But in a way, it's not like, you know, it's different because I didn't like

do the initial process of it. I think if I would have felt i was okay so so you're blaming the girl that sends you a nude this is this is your logic here you shouldn't have sent me a nude you shouldn't have gambled i'm the kind of guy i'm gonna show the homies that he's like that's what you're saying to be clear it's an unsolicited nude because i did not want the nude no that's not true it's very true you were net zero on it you would have taken no i didn't want it i didn't want it that's not true. It's very true. You were net zero on it. You would have taken or wouldn't have won. No, I didn't want it. That's not true. This is true.

I'm telling you. Doesn't net zero mean he doesn't want it? I'm going to make the analogy a little better. You're a hot girl. It's true. Extremely. You're beautiful. I'm thinking of you now.

I'm going to actually close my eyes. Where do you work? I'm a male lady. You are her lovely husband. I'm a male lady. So you are her lovely husband. I'm a male lady. You're her lovely husband. You're at work, and you send him a nude at work. Because you're running the risk of, like,

ooh, I'm sending him a nude at work. It's kind of dangerous, risque. What if he sees it? Blah, blah, blah. What am I doing in the picture? You're showing hole. I'm showing hole? Am I pinching my nipples?

Yes, but it's off camera. It's more for you. Yeah. And I pinching my nipples? Yes, but it's off camera. It's kind of for you. It's for me. And Ludwig receives said nude. He goes, oh, he hides his little monitor and he's like, wow. And he keeps it. He does it not,

no one sees it, but he does keep the photo on his desktop. Later, he accidentally opens it during a PowerPoint in front of the company. Oh no.

And now he comes home and says, you shouldn't have sent me that while I was at work. And you say, why'd you put it on your desktop? Ludwig, who's at fault here? Who's at fault here? And I would say, one switch to this analogy, if I may. Cringe or crime?

I never blamed. Is that he has triple Ds. Yes, and we didn't touch on that enough. And they're natural, too. And they're natural. And then I got a raise after. Because my boss went, oh, whoa, whoa. What's your actual tweak?

I would tweak, I never blamed him. I just don't feel as bad as I would have. I never blamed him. Oh, interesting. He's not culpable. He's treating it like binary. Like it's either your fault or his fault. And you're saying it's not binary, but I'm not as the in the wrong as you think i guess yeah okay i think that actually is a reasonable

conclusion to reach so that's why your guilt level didn't feel it was not off the charts right you didn't feel shame shame no hey shame because i knew you felt no shame putting that under my desk mat i didn't i didn't. I didn't. Zero. It's like when a cat brings you a rat that it killed. Yeah. That's how we brought it up. I did this for you. You can't hunt for yourself.

I did this for you. This is my hole. Hole for you. It's when your cat brings you a picture of his hole. You never do it anymore. Dude, we don't live together anymore. What the fuck do you want? All right.

You never show a hole. We don't even hang around anymore. You never you never show we don't even hang around anymore you never show a hole even when we're here you never show a hole uh don't do it no no remember when i had my balls out like three weeks ago he also doesn't work here anymore it's fine he can show a hole now i might you can't that is his job i can't show here no and even bringing it up is an infraction you're getting written up Three infractions to demerit Three demerits to write up Oh Three write ups is a Dude that's nine infractions

For a write up That's so lenient Yeah that's good Nine Three write ups is a verbal That takes so many How many infractions do I have You

Right now you're at 37 Wow So you're at 37. So you're very close. 12 write-ups. The 13th one gets you fired. You are very close to getting fired. Thank God. Oh, Dubbin, Dubbin, Dubbin.

Where are we at? I felt so bad when you were upset last night, man. I wasn't even mad, man. I wasn't even mad. I just felt right. I did too.

I want to know what this is about. You know what? In the is about. You know what? In the primo. You know what we can do while he's gone? Dubbin's leaving us again. He can defend himself. We will present, I will present to you the situation in the Patreon episode. What we'll do, we'll bring up the clip,

I'll explain it as clearly as I can, and objectively as I can, and we will, the council here, will be able to decide. And what will the punishment be for the loser? That's a good question. Discuss amongst yourselves. Okay. We shouldn't know the punishment. Okay. But I want you to be honest, even though

Dubbin's not here, I will just try to present it, and I will not say my thought, because our thoughts are already expressed in the thing. Yeah. Right? So that will be what we do. We'll use you for questioning, but we won't. We'll refer to the video as objective. The absolute of the argument. Yeah. Right? So that will be what we do. We'll use you for questioning, but we won't. We'll refer to the video as Objective. The absolute of the argument.

And then also, you have to determine whether I was angry because I feel like it's a part of this. Okay. I can tell when you're angry. He would know.

You wouldn't. Would I? No. No, I wouldn't know. He said you're never angry. I'm never angry with you. You're a fucking liar and you're a fucking cheat. Thank you so much for watching The Yard.

This has been an excellent experience. I know. I like morning dubbing. That's the Nick. He's doing the Nick. He's doing the Nick. He's doing the Nick, except weirdly sexual. I'm doing it the lovely way.

Yeah, that is. The person's lips. You put a little lip into it. All right, and we'll see your lips on ours in the Patreon. No, no, no, no.