The Yard - Ep. 127 - Goodbye Aiden

Episode Date: December 20, 2023

This week, the boys talk about Ludwig's speech he did high, Nick sniped Slime's matches, and how Aiden will be kicked off the yard forever...

Ready for nasty hot slop, just the three of us, not the four of us, I'm your bad boyfriend. Three? There we go. Don't call me a bad boyfriend. Are we good? Okay. If I was your boy. Oh't call me a bad boyfriend. Are we good? Okay. If I was your boy. Oh, we're rolling?

Okay. If I was your boyfriend. Man, I'm thinking Reggae Bieber. Yeah, okay. Okay, so if I was your doppie. If I was your doppie. If I was the Irie doppie. You're watching a white guy on YouTube shorts?

I watched a lot of YouTube shorts this past week Why you got that fucked up look in your eye I've never seen him make that look You look like you're outside of 7-Eleven They're good bro They're fucking good shit dude You just fucking scroll man Fuck dude

Do you mind if I Just scroll here Scroll I do I think that would be beast If we just did the pod and like every like Do you mind if I? Just scroll here? Scroll? I do. Okay. All right. That's chill. I think that would be beast. No. Like if we just did the pod and like every like 10 minutes he chimes in with a laugh

and he's like, you guys seen this video? Check it out. That's the true Ludwig simulator. You think a podcast is a friendship simulator? The true one would be Ludwig just on his phone refusing to talk to you, watching shorts or some shit. I'm not always with the phone. You are always with the phone. What was your screen time?

Dude, okay. Wow. You're using it against me instantly. Instantly. Because I was vulnerable. I have to pull my cool down right now. I was vulnerable. Do you have high screen time? I have gross screen time this past week. It's 7 hours and 42 minutes a day average this past week. I think if you work out

it doesn't matter that you have screen time. I didn't work out once. You didn't work out once last week? Oh, you're such a fucking no I did dodgeball my body was broke in my head you you work out every day I usually try to drink a protein shake every morning. I do do that So you're beautiful throw Swift around the room Still do that Caltrops like it you're beautiful lovely girlfriend who does everything for you. Yeah you you're just too much with the phone she's like hey Ludwig it's nice to see you today my love of my life and you're like look at this short

yeah and then I say I'm going to go hang out with my Gumar you gotta hang out with your Gumar everyone has a Gumar yeah yours is Dawson Dawson's not my Gumar Shake is my Goomar. Really?

He's probably the one that I leave to go hang out with the most. That's crazy. Well, okay, let me back up. Okay, because she's been very busy this past week. And I had a busy week. Don't say it with such vitriol. It was busy. You say it like you're about to hit her.

What? She's been so busy. No, I didn't say it like so aggressive. You've been too busy. She's been busy. That's, I didn't say it like so aggressive. She's been busy That's how he heard it. She's been illuminating. I guess she takes her time. I don't know. I don't I don't know man. I'm on a ride to Maine. She's doing her 12 days of Christmas. Yeah, everyday different stream And so I'm just like I'm home right like I like I filmed a secret video

Got home and then I and then I just all I want to do is practice Smash Ultimate. So I pop a gummy. I go to play. We'll talk about why in a second. So I pop a gummy. I play Smash Ultimate. And then like three people come in the house. I don't think that I looked normal because none of them said hi to me.

You looked like you were talking about YouTube purchase now. I was like shirtless. And I was playing on the big TV. And I was like this. They thought you were Nick Yingling. And I was playing against computers because I couldn't Get the internet to work and I'm getting thrashed I'm getting fucking good remember when the game came out. They're pretty good. They are pretty good But they're not better than Noah J, and so if I'm losing to them. It's a problem

Yeah, yeah, and as a competitor you know that as a competitor. I knew this But I was high so is alright, so Noah J. Took like a competitor, you know that. As a competitor, I knew this, but I was high, so it was all right. So Noah J. took like a piping poop on you. Yeah. He pooped on you. Noah J. smeared poop onto your chest. He did take a dump on my chest. Yeah.

And it sucked. And someone thought maybe it'd be like a ritual or like a religious thing, but it wasn't. I just sat there and took the dump. Yeah. You watched it come out slowly over five games. Yeah. Austin Powers. I did the whole thing.

I was like, yo, tomorrow you have to come dump on my chest. And then I just watched the whole thing come out. And then he like switched positions while taking a dump several times. And I was like, yep, run it through. You did the, what's the Heisman Trophy? Taking a dump. He's sitting sideways while I did it. And then I gave him a check after and I said, thank you.

Yeah, you said, you basically paid a male prostitute to take a dump on you. Live on TV. While also playing King Dedede. You know what's fucked up? I still feel like it was the right thing to do. What was the right thing to do?

Let that happen. Why? Let you get, like, are we out of the dump world now? I mean, I'm on Smash. No, no, no. The analogy will stay forever. I still feel like it was right to let the guy dump on me. In front of thousands of people. In front of thousands of people. In the company in which you own. Okay, well, that

part, I don't feel as'm here for. I was optimal. That part, I don't feel as attached to. Did your mom text you? No. Why did she let him dump... Did you save it? I have to eat for later. You give to the dog a protein meal.

It grows two things. We make a special meal together. It was right to do because I had dodged him for a year. A year is a long time to dodge someone. He probably was in the lab. I heard he was playing top players and stuff. Dude, when Void's face fucking, he went, he was like, you're playing Noah?

I was like, dude, it's Noah and he was like tongue rolled out like a fruit roll up and we were talking and I was like it's not it's not like he goes to tournaments and he was like I was like he'd go he'd get one and two I was like two and two he's like fuck that's pretty good that's what some does ever do goes hey that's cruel. Well, it's not. Because after the big- Well, before the big dump, you fuckin'- You crushed the Crimson Blur, Slime had a day, and then we played our first friendly session.

Oh. My. God. I love the themes. Hold on, I gotta think about this a little bit. Oh. My. God. First session in probably two years, cause you mostly do, like, Fox Marth. It sounds like Slime 1. No. Oh. He fucking thrashed.

Oh. I didn't... Dude, I dropped one game. Two. Two game. It's counting. I have never... I have never so wholly dominated Ludwig on the melee setup in my life.

It was crazy. I'm washed. You washed. He's also good now, though. I'm good now, and I'm also a graceful winner. Because every time I won, I just go, damn it. It is funny. Damn it. When the sets were

tense or close, it'd be very quiet. You were a graceful winner. The moment he got a stock lead, he'd go, damn it. You were not a graceful winner. You're so, you're an idiot for that. What are you talking about? Because if Aiden was beating you and saying, Slime, Slime, you would punch him in the mouth.

That's being a loser, you idiot. I said I'm a graceful winner. No, I'm saying if the behavior you are doing to him was being done to you, you wouldn't take it. Actually, that's not true. I think that is psychotic. Dude, sometimes Slime drops a very genuine, actually, that's not true, and I is psychotic sometimes slime drops a very genuine actually that's not true and i don't think it's true listen to me i act the way i expect to be acted to a lot

which for better or for worse is my code of play-doh and conduct and if aiden was making a goofy one word joke every time he was beating me like a cartoon character, that would weaken my defenses and just I would be like, fuck, yeah, true. If he was like, dubbin'. Every time he was beating me, I would think that was really funny and appropriate. That's why I do it. And that's why I'm obligated to shake drizzle.

I'm like, she's winning! And then he's just, he's like, oh, I can't do it. I can't do it. And I'm like, sheesh, man. This is another instance where you are winning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if I'm losing, if someone does the same thing to me as a friend, you fuckers, you fuckers out there listening. You buying this?

You buying this? I have to take him at his word because I trust him and I love him, but I don't trust a thing out of his mouth. Done deal. Right. Okay. That was a good way to say that. That was a good way to.

his mouth. Done deal. Right. Okay. That was a good way to say that. It was a good way to- Done deal. I will add, the only way to feel better, and this is an abusive trait that I have- This is fucked up.

Is that I call up Shake Drizzle to the setup, and I just start beating on him. Dude, he called over his dog? Yeah. He got with the fucked up ladies? I call him my goomar, and I just start beating my goomar. No, it's not your goomar. He's my goomar. No, you don't understand what that means.

First of all, don't act like you're fucking Italian. I can and I will. Name 17 Italian countries. What? No one can do that. When was Italy formed? 18.

2014. I know they had a big uh 13 have you heard about eritrea the african country yeah yeah that shit's fucked up and that shit has to do with italy it's crazy but okay listen dude by the way yo audio listeners might not know right now that Aiden's not here. Aiden is spinning on a stick over a fire in the middle of the room. At the end of the podcast, we're going to rip open his flesh. Yeah, he's got a big apple in his mouth. Yummy.

So what we have decided as the council. It's like 1863 or something. 18? Yeah. Council members? I don't believe that. It's a newer country. No one cares.

Listen. Hands together. Council members, we have decided. The council is the three of us. Thank God. This episode is some way, somehow, maybe we click bait it to say like how to fix Windows 11 or something. If this episode gets more views than our highest rated episode, which is probably Trash Taste.

Highest rated? Highest viewed. Highest viewed. Uh-huh. Probably Trash Taste. Highest rated? Highest viewed. Probably Trash Taste or I Did Things, getting there too. Aiden will be off the podcast. Dude, no. It just won't. I like Aiden. I'm down for the deal because it won't happen.

Take the deal. But I like him. I don't care. Okay, fine. I'll take it. So we take the deal. So if somehow this video goes worldwide like Despacito. Well, we can boost the number. I know. We can make it the homepage video.

Dude, that'd be so fucking funny. That's an instant 50K boost. All right. I start playing it after streaming. If this video gets a million views, our friend dies. Yes. Broadway? gets a million views, our friend dies. Yes. And then the thumbnail is us with a fucking gun to his head.

Like that one Mad TV magazine. Mad Magazine. Alfred E. Newman. You didn't even know when Italy was made. You know what is crazy? So yes, we'll do this, by the way. This is what we'll do.

This deal, we've made a deal with the devil. We get out a billboard in LA that says, watch our podcast so we can kill our friend. I think this is a healthy thing to do. I don't actually, I gotta make sure that doesn't happen because I think in the world, because the three of us was the original three before Aiden, a new fighter.

Yeah, new fighter. Aiden walked up to us. We all had a podcast. And he goes, hey, can I join your podcast? We didn't really know how to say no. We don't know yet. He kept saying, this always works. When I do this, it always works.

Yeah, it was like when girls get asked out and they're just like, okay. It's hard to say no. I don't have a really good excuse right now. Yeah. And I'll just say yes. I'll just do it. And now you're having coffee with a bisexual guy. But I think if it was the three of us, I think I would have ended up getting bullied the most. I think it would have

been me. I think we would have passed the ball around pretty well. I would have been swinging a little harder. I would be going down. Oh, 100%. I wouldn't be over the fire. But I can't touch Dubbin. Oh, 100%. I wouldn't be, you know, on the, over the fire. But, you know, I can't touch Dubbin. You can touch me. You can touch him easy.

What are you talking about? I'm so touchable. No, he's so, he's so powerful. I've been touched so much today already. Yeah, what are you talking about? I fuck with him all the time. I'm just saying, he's so strong. It's true.

He's so, he's so, uh, noble. That's also maybe true. He's a knight. I need to know what that word is. You think he's a knight. I'm revealing now. I realize, I think He's a knight I need to know what that word is You think he's a knight I'm revealing now I realize I think he's a knight Guy who knows about knights

You're getting a lot of knight vibes Finding out about knights and thinking your best friend is one Immediately It was originally a three I think, and I've said this for a long long time Three is just such a better number I think four is better. No, four is not.

So you want to return to the pre-war times? I want to return. I don't care who goes. I don't even care if I go. But this functions as a better product, as a listening product, as a visual product, all of these, if there's only three people. It's better for guest episodes. Four people is too goddamn many.

We probably have less people saying, oh, all they do is talk over each other. I think the most recent comment I read was, they talk over each other and don't let the guests talk. What's to like? That's a good comment. They're cooking with that one. You know what? I worked on a lot too.

I was like, because I listened back to episode speak. Fuck, I just want to get a word in so bad right now. And it's like, I have to take a step back. I have to take a step back and then think about, you know, how I'm going to beat Blur today. Yeah. And then I did. You did do it. And I did do it.

You deserve your... Clap for me. Make that shit clap for me. And if you're at home, make that shit clap for a real one as well. Depending. Yeah. Depending on your age. you had some dubs recently was one before that I'm vaguely remembering a slime dub recently cuties Kool-aid dodgeball

Don't know what we beat you guys. That was a huge day in the context of the yard sure He's gonna be dubbing and be using his dub era. He's in his Dub era. What's next? I beat the Crimson Blur with the help of Jumb, who was my coach. Narrowly. Narrowly beat him. I just fucked it. I problemed my controller. That was really tragic. And I...

Guys, I get it. I know what it's like to win now. I literally went up to Leffen, sat next to him after my match, a blurred game nine fucking last stock, and I sat down next to him. I was like, this is how it feels, huh? And Leffen's in a mood these days.

He's very funny, and he's just like, this is how it feels. I love that. Dude, me and you, baby. Oh, my God. I felt like I just took a zin after I lost. I was just shaking and sad and depressed. Losing sucks. Dude, losing sucks so bad.

Losing sucks so bad. And I'm like, damn, I should just play. I should practice and prepare more so I can win more. In things. Yeah. In stuff. Or you do the Saikuno. Dude.

Which is where you practice, but you don't tell a soul. Oh, that's cool, dude. And then you practice but you don't tell a soul oh that's cool and then you show up and you're way better than people expect but you're still not like amazing but like you're better than people expect yeah that's net positive only for you yeah yeah even if you lose you're like damn put up a fight you want to see what blur said uh he messaged me and it was it was a very sweet message he said yo just wanted to say that was actually so fun haven't felt that alive in a while appreciate you challenging me and being such a good sport love you man had a blast appreciate you challenging me this is like this is like at the end of pokemon

when the fucking yeah right the trainer speaks to you he's like all slime devs are gonna be like this huh also you're a demon on the. I never want to hear you doubt yourself again. I tried my old man heart out. This is the sweet part. We were on a battlefield of love, and you danced, baby. You danced. That's the love guru talking. Little fucking funny dude.

Oh my god. She has to speak at your wedding now. Absolutely. I would love the Crimson Lord to speak at my wedding. Even if he beat me, it would have been even funnier to have him speak at my wedding.. Absolutely. I would love the Crimson Lord to speak at my wedding. Even if he beat me, it would have been even funnier to have him speak at my wedding that's coming up next week.

You're not having a wedding. You'll never get married. Do you hear that? Do you hear Zipper? That was like the most hurtful thing I've ever heard. Wow. To be clear,

I don't think you'll not get married because you won't be able to. You won't want to. You said I was a bad boyfriend. I don't think. When I've given you everything. Off context. Off camera.

Off pod? You said, I said, I'm a good boyfriend. And then he laughed. You're not. You were reading. It's because you don't have the ability to love for long. And so the moment you start dating, you flip the sand clock. And then when the last grain falls, you go, I want to sleep on the floor and watch videos.

You always say, fuck long, love short. And then you break hearts. That is so true. I do fuck long, love short. Fuck long, love short. You've broken so many hearts. I don't break hearts. Dude, are you dumb or deaf?

Could you be so heartless? Oh my god. Whoa, you should do the Christmas concert. Are you kidding? You should do the Christmas concert. What the hell is that? I, that was so mid. I don't know. That was more hurtful than the no matter thing. It was just like, I don't

know what to tell you. It was just really normal. I guess let the fucking people decide whatever. Voting. Vote on your phones now. Sometimes. If you think Nick slayed bitch or if he actually was not mother today when he did that

I don't know slay bitch or not mother what you don't break hearts even if it's true that I am look you shouldn't just say that to your friend I'm telling you the truth you'll never get married

You're gonna die on a motorcycle I say that You're dying of an explosion To be clear, I'm saying it's not because You can't get married You could definitely find and charm a dame What about a broad? A bum dude

A goddamn damsel A handful. A handful of broads you could charm. You could be married next month if you wanted, I'm sure. I'm getting married next month. I feel like if you took a trip, you're taking a trip. Yeah. I feel like there's a non-zero chance you come back with a wife, like Ross Geller.

That's crazy. You could. In Honolulu, Hawaii. But you would never. No, I wouldn't. But I just took issue with you saying you're a bad boyfriend because I'm a great boyfriend. And I would give you the world, baby. I think that he was thinking about what it'd be like to date you himself.

I don't know. But you can't just say a non-factual thing. Dude, did you tell him about... Don't look at me like that. What? You don't like that shit? I said, dude,

he was like, talk to me. He got disarmed. Did you tell him about the universal driver? Oh, I think I told you off pod. Yeah, Ludwin.

Did I tell him? That's crazy. The guy's name was Ludwin. I need to show, I have the picture of it. That's not a real name. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was crazy. You made that name up. Yeah, Ludwin. That's crazy. The guy's name was Ludwin. I need to show, I have the picture of it. That's not a real name. Yeah, yeah. Who made that name up?

Yeah. It was, it was the, I was explaining it was the mistake that his, the guy at his gym would call him all the time. And we thought it was funny. If that kid was like 14, I would believe maybe some mogul fans had a baby. 14? Yeah, the math works out. What the fuck are you talking about?

The math works out. That math is had a baby 14. Yeah the math works out math works out I think that math was a huge fan of the zany sidekick, so I went and named my last kid I was playing warzone Two days ago and my control I don't have my controller just like broke for a second I just started spinning in one circle and someone instantly commented like you got the zany sidekick glitch Oh Really? Yeah, that's funny. He likes that I do like that I like that he holds.

Zipper, I send you. So it's the slime dub season. On Discord. And it's Ludwig L season. It is. It's been me L season and I'm sick and fucking tired of it, man.

Maybe you should switch in yes to 7,000 things and spend time with your girlfriend, you bad boyfriend. She's busy i come home okay well i'm sorry she's always live always with the stream always with the computer with the uh baking and all i am is i'm sitting i'm playing solo q at fucking god this is the guy he has such a european bottom half of his face too that's what i said the best part was he didn't

give a fuck that my name was ludwig yeah he was like oh cool yeah get the fuck off the dude i was like dude ludwin people call me that i'm ludwig and he goes yeah it's ludwin god you the europeans your people just just awful to be clear every, every single down to the last bone, every European is awful. We're all awful. Everyone. What about Hitler? That's possibly the one you shouldn't have named.

What about, uh, I actually can't think of a good European right now. You can't think of one. Uh, no, no, no,

no, no, stop, stop, stop. Uh, what about the guy, uh, stop. What about... The guy.

Albert Einstein. Smeagol. Smeagol? Where is Europe in Lord of the Rings? Europe is... It's New Zealand. That's where...

That's the Shire. Okay. Yeah. The Eye of Sauron is Denny's. The Eye of Sauron is a Denny's in Scotland. And they're just all... And there's trash piled up everywhere

because the workers went on strike. As precious as the... Good friend check. Did you read the book? Pancake Puppies. No. No. As a result, he's a bad friend.

You said I was a bad boyfriend. Sorry. Me saying you're a bad boyfriend today is why you didn't read the book. I knew you were going to say it. You knew. I came here at 9.45 in the morning and I said he's going to say this shit so I'm't read the book. I knew you were going to say it. You knew. I came here at 9.45 in the morning and I said he's going to say this shit

so I'm not reading the book and I thought that two weeks ago. And that's why you were flabbergasted when I said it. You should have been like, no, you're going to say that so I didn't read the book. Our friend in the grimmest socks.

You come to his wedding and you say, I hate you, Devin. I would never do that. Ever. I'm such a better friend. I'll tell you why. Oh my God, the hair is purple. You're that. Ever. I'm such a better friend. I'll tell you why. Oh, my God. The letter is purple.

You're a better friend? I'm such a better friend than you. I'll tell you why. Because I went out of my way to get the book about the problem of number in life. A three-body problem? Yes. So I could read it and share with you. Yes.

And you won't even read one book you're supposed to read. I bought it. That's step one. I also read it and share with you. Yes. And you won't even read one book you're supposed to read. I bought it. That's step one. I also bought- The hardest part about going on a run is putting your shoes on. All right, listen. It is so true. I'm going on a plane today.

I'll fucking read the stupid ass book. That I'm sure is great. He's going to Hawaii. Yeah, I'm taking Josh Hawaii for Christmas. Again? Yeah, it's going to be a tradition. We're going to go see a show. Are you there Christmas Day? No, no. Yeah, it's gonna be a tradition. Oh, we're gonna go see you there Christmas Day No, no, I can't try to have a try to have a puka dog. What the fuck?

Oh the weird cream whole pie are you talking about cream pie? Yo, you're going you're going over it you're gonna why try to get cream pies, yeah Yeah, it's like a it means Ohana or something ask some the, ask some of the people there if they'll cream pie you. Find out about Mark Zuckerberg's bunker. Oh, getting cream pied. It's like the Senate video. Getting cream pied in Mark Zuckerberg's bunker. Just taking heavy, heavy back shots.

God bless you. I don't think I've ever sneezed on the podcast. That's the most dainty sneeze I've ever heard. That was the dumbest thing you ever said. That was violent. He literally said, achoo. What was dainty is how you the dumbest thing you ever said. He literally said, achoo! What was dainty is how you took a five second pause after. You were like, achoo!

What the fuck is this? You're such a little princess, for me. What are you allergic to? I'm a princess baby, so why don't you kill me? So you didn't like that one? I wouldn't kill a woman. I would only kill a woman. Well, no. But his saying. I would only kill a woman if she asked.

Yeah. And even then, I would think about it. Yeah. I would do it, but I would think about it. I think it'd be one of the most beautiful things in the world. I would only kill a woman if she was a worm. That's it. Wait, I would, to bring her back. Would I kill a woman if she was a worm?

Well, yeah, because they grow if you cut them in half. What makes me an ally? You could eat if, okay, girl turns into worm. Uh-huh. You know, you break up with her, obviously. We all break up with our worm girl. Right, yeah, because no one wants to date a worm. Except for me.

Because no one wants to date a fucking worm. I stay with you forever, and I become a worm, and fuck you. Do you put her in like a little, like, where do you put her? You put her in worm jail. I put her in a good dirt patch. You put her in a little box that's only mirrors. There's worms everywhere. Look at yourself!

Look at who you are! Would you date you? With a little bow on your head. And you shake the box up. Yeah. Because they're never going to experience that ever again. Because they can't scream. Because they can't scream.

If your girl turns into a worm you can put her in the mirror of jail. Yeah. And she can never scream to get her way out ever.

And that's beautiful. Congrats Nick. On your Warzone win. Me and Yingling got a dub finally. We've played we've played over a hundred games.

Bro it's all you do. And we have one win. You just play Warzone now. At nighttime, yeah. I'm trying to get a hold of you. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. That's just not true.

I want you guys to know, I'll tell you right now, D&D has been delayed because of Warzone. It will still come out. Oh, let's hear the other reasons. Warzone. Let's hear it. What other reasons? Always with the phone. I've actually been unplugged out, so I'm very curious, actually, to hear the reasons.

From Dubbin. Okay, so the only guy who works on it takes a week off. I want Dubbin to know. Oh, I know. Wyatt Salade. Why? Always with the Warzone. Oh!

Always with Nicki Minaj. It takes one week to move the table into this room. It does. Yeah, it's like Gulliver's Travels, and there's a bunch of little tiny men. And you can't stop it while it's moving. No. So we can't do either podcast. We can't do anything.

Yeah. So it's kind of messed up. That's the tough part. God, I can't wait till Aiden's off this podcast. Oh, my God. We're not going to beat it. We have to. Can we hit? Well, what's the title of this one? my god we're not gonna beat it we have to can we get well

what's what's the title of this one how are we gonna beat it uh once this podcast reaches 1 million views we're gonna kill our friend oh you like that one i like it oh you like kill i like murder being in the title you can't put that in the title i will definitely i will unalive my friend oh god because he's such a heckin doggo hashtag elon musk no okay you do unalive, my friend. Oh, God. Because he's such a heckin' doggo. Hashtag Elon Musk. No, okay, you do Unalive because it gets around the filters, not because you're a millennial. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ugh. Fuck it, man. We're creating an army of lames. Oh, Gen Z's trying to cancel Aiden? Oh. That's cute. What would happen right after that what would she do if it was about Aiden

instead of Eminem uh she would rap very she would still rap like Eminem she would give bar yeah yeah she wouldn't build a bracket

yeah she would just be like she would just explain how to get international players to come to Germany so this is what you would do if you had 78 people uh me and Shake had an armistice we had a truce a Christmas truce So this is what you do if you had 78 people? Me and Shake had an armistice.

We had a truce. I heard about this. A Christmas truce. And that was last night. And we went and saw Queens of the Stone Age together. Your favorite band. It was very fun, yeah. Whom you love. They were here in LA.

Yeah, it was great. You didn't invite me. What the fuck are you talking about? You didn't invite me. Why would I do that? Because I love you. Why would you want to go to a show? Also, it was on the Christmas concert.

You didn't know that. I did, because I had to plan it out, because I was like, shit, is this during the Blur fight? And how was it? It was great. They ripped. But it was just, Shake is a good hang. I see what you see in him now. Shake, I see your value now.

I see what you see in Shake. He's a great hang. You know what I like about Shake? Is he tries, he listens, and he's vulnerable. He is vulnerable. He's like, he's like, it's calmly vulnerable. And he can come with no hands. He did say the funniest thing, though.

What'd he say? So Christmas party, we were all, we all had a big old company hangout. And then we're talking about maybe hanging out after. And I'm kind of ducking it. I want to go to bed. Everyone's like, yeah, let's hang. And then Jake's like, let's hang at your spot, Ludd. Let's hang at your spot.

And I was like, dude, I want to go to bed. He's like, but dude, guys, Ludd is the sickest smoke spot. Which I've never heard. I have a place in which the drugs will be fun to smoke. It's been a decade since I've heard a sentence like that. A smoke spot? Yeah, a smoke... Like, you got the chillest smoke spot.

And he just hops in the cold tub? He's got the hottest dudes at his house. Did Shake hop in your cold tub? No, I didn't let him come over. And make a little... What? Really? Yeah, I went to bed.

I went home and I went to bed. That was... Oh, that was Dodgeball where you had everyone over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dodgeball, he puts us in the fucking most cursed blunt rotation group chat of all time. Okay, to be clear, it was all of your friends. It wasn't cursed at all. You were in it.

Yeah. I bring vibes. He brought vibes. I came in, I'm holding chess. And I say, where the bitch is at? Do you ever eat bones? Do I ever eat bones? Like, bones of that of a human.

Bones. Or maybe a dog or an animal. Do you ever eat bones? Do I ever eat bones? Like bones of that of a human. Bones. Or maybe a dog or an animal. Do you ever eat bones? I don't think I've found myself eating any bones recently, Ludwig. That's because you, I would sleep you in one punch, but I, I don't, I am powerful. I see what's happening. Because I am powerful because I eat HelloFresh.

Right. And they use bones in all their meals, which makes their meals more powerful for your body. Well, Slime. Your hot, sexy body. Well, Slime, I recently have been getting smaller for you. I know I usually get bigger, but recently I've been getting smaller and tracking my macronutrients.

And HelloFresh has a bunch of healthy options that you can get sent right to your front door if you're trying to cook at home. That's right, Nick. They have 40 recipes to choose from to brick in the back of your throat, including quick, easy, pre-proportioned ingredients and options like their 15-minute meals. HelloFresh is like a brick of health just sitting on the roof of your mouth of flavor. And when you consume HelloFresh, you consume the flavor that comes along with the brick.

Now, look, I don't like to talk about this, but I did beat Blur in a best of nine. Yeah. And much like my repertoire having over 100 different moves I can use, there's 100 add-on items for HelloFresh from snacks and easy lunches. Even breakfasts can be made with HelloFresh. Go to HelloFresh.com slash theyardfree. Use code theyardfree.

That's F-R-E-E. That spells free. Free. You can also use the code theyardblur for free breakfast for life, because he was free. Because he was free. It was a free win. It actually won't work. Don't do that. Use code theyardfree for free breakfast for life.

One breakfast item per box while subscription is active. That's free breakfast for life. Hey, you better break fast. Break your fast with HelloFresh. Don't break your fast. Well, you should. You're going to eat food. So break your fast and break fast for breakfast.

Break fast with HelloFresh.com slash TheYardFree with code TheYardFree. America's number one meal kit. And Slime, that was well said. Ludwig, what do you have to say about this? You know, kill the vibes and you can go. What? Well. What did he do?

We just had Ultimate and he just won against everybody with random for like an hour. Why was he so nice at it? I think he played a lot of Ultimate. I think he played a lot of Ultimate. I think he played horrible. And the worst part is he would win, and they'd be like, this game fucking sucks. I could beat Yingling. In Ultimate?

Yeah. He's in his dub area. He thinks he can just keep winning. That's so doable. I don't think he could beat Yingling. Beating the Crimson Blur is harder than beating Yingling in Ultimate. No. No, it is.

Wait. Well, okay. Yes, it is to Wait. Well, okay. No, it is definitely not. Yes, it is to someone who just started both, but you are so much farther in Melee than you are in Ultimate. Oh, I destroy him. Dude, he got hit by F-Smash on shield like eight times. Yeah.

Dude, it is not harder than beating Yingling. Yeah. You went, yeah. What can I say? I'm a Lepric. All right. He's a Lepric. Do you like me, man? I'm a leprechaun. All right. He's a leprechaun. Do you like me, man?

I do like you. Nick, I have to ask you something vulnerable here. You were at this holiday party. Yeah. And you famously don't do drug. Do drug. At a certain part in this party. Yeah.

I didn't drink at all at this party. Probably. I went outside and there was a smoke circle. Yeah. Like Snoop Dogg Yeah The off-brand grillas That's what they call themselves And they all have a blunt each And they all light them at the same time With one lighter in the center

This is just like Cat Williams' bit About smoking with Snoop Dogg I instantly thought about Snoop Dogg Now Nick Allen is Snoop Dogg And they're all passing it around simultaneously Same time Snoop Dogg. I instantly thought about Snoop Dogg. Holy shit. But Nick Allen is Snoop Dogg. Now Nick Allen is Snoop Dogg. And they're all passing it around simultaneously, same time. In rotation. Even though everyone has their own one.

To the left. And that's what we do. And it comes to me. I take two puffs. Not a lot. Okay. Mild amount. Yeah.

He goes puffs. Does hit hard, though. Okay. Because I don't do that a lot. Then I have to give a speech. You told me about that dude you were high during that yes when your speech ended i i looked to the table what's your question but how did it go i looked i looked at the table and said that was the most dog shit

speech i've ever heard that was the first thing for real yeah dude i said dude that was the most dogshit speech I've ever heard. Really? That was the first thing I said. For real? Yeah. Dude. I said, dude, that was the worst speech I've ever heard. Can you reenact it? I couldn't. He can, though. Hold on.

Wait, wait, wait. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Ludwig wants to make a speech, guys. Hey, guys. We'll hit the shit first. Hit the shit. You hit it way before. Drink.

Prime. Oh, sorry. I don't know what the hit the shit meant. You thought it way before drink prime oh sorry i don't know what the shit meant uh they made it clean you guys this company probably sponsored by prime yeah apparently he's like uh hey everyone so uh yeah so we like i so we had like a we had a good year and i basically just what i was cool to see all you all here having a good year, and I basically just wanted to see you all here, having a good time tonight. So I just wanted to say, like, you know, next year is going to be good, and I hope to see you guys there.

No way. It was that long, and it was that clumsy. Did you what? You think it was 30 minutes in your mind? Dude, it was so short. It was very short. And it was just like nothing, Burger. I said we had a good year.

I said we'll have a great year next year. And then I think I said I'm very warm with you all in this room. And then I sat down. That's what he said. He said I'm very warm with you all in this room. Did you mean warm emotionally? I felt really hot up there. And then I kicked it over.

Nick Allen had to come in and save the day. Well, then I kicked it over to Nick Allen and then he clutched. And then he went, Ludwig's really high. He's talking really loud. He's like, thanks guys, everyone. By the way, Ludwig, you're going to be like this forever. Okay, let's all sit down.

You'll never forget this feeling. Did you feel everyone turn and look at you and you feel like we could see right through it? No. We saw your highness. I feel okay with that. Well, yeah, you have created a situation in which you are never allowed to be embarrassed about anything. I feel embarrassed. I don't think that's true.

What about when I got a huge dump on my chest from Noah J? Were you embarrassed? Really? You don't care. It's content. You fucking sod his husk. It's not even good content. Corn you embarrassed? Really? You don't care. It's content. You fucking sod his husk. Corn. You're just a corn churl. Corn. It's corn churl.

I don't even feel like I can reply. No, you can't. Because guess what? You know what a husk is? It keeps corn inside. And when you're eating corn, your mouth's full so you can't talk. You're never getting married! You talk corny mouth too. You're rude. You'll never find love! That's why your mom's at a fucking wheelchair! getting married. You talk corny mouth too.

You'll never find love. That's why your mom's in a fucking wheelchair. Okay. So you were actually embarrassed? Because I think you're fucking lying. I was actually more embarrassed from the speech than the Noah Jay loss. Yeah. Because the Noah Jay loss after the 3-0, I was like, well, now I can reconcile

with it in this next two games instead of play. I have a big question. Please. What? Who is Noah J? I don't know who Noah J is. I'm not kidding. Noah J.

I asked this on the couch. Everyone thought I was joking. He's a Call of Duty YouTuber, mainly specialized in zombies. You don't know this shit. I think he's the biggest zombies YouTuber on the planet. Okay. Whoa. Now, formerly was the artist known as X-Draws. I'm not kidding. I thought he was a DJ. Was it the other guy? Biggest zombies YouTuber on the planet. Okay. Whoa. Now.

Formerly was the artist known as X-Jaws. Not kidding. I thought he was a DJ. Was it the other guy? Well, that was the joke. I just thought he for real was a DJ. Because Hugs was like, he's got the discs. The big discs. Oh, I did hear that.

I think he did a splash of Fortnite, but I think he's back to zombies because of the new map. Okay. Can we put a stop to Hugo Gonzalez? What do you... Why do I like him? I have Hugo. I love that you hire him.

Because every time I see, like, anyone, the president, Pokimane, anyone tweets, Hugo's in there. He was in there giving his opinion. He's like, you know what? This is a good opinion, and I sign off. I'm cool with that. Hugo? Why?

Hugo Gonzalez? My friend? Is he quote retweeting or replying? Both? He's replying. Quote retweeting or replying? Both? He's replying. Quote retweeting is what I don't like. Really? I like quote retweeting.

Because you're trying to take the number? No. It's always with the number? A reply is you putting your opinion on something you think and you want to say you thought. A quote retweet is the same thing, but then you want all the attention. The perfect function of like and retweet is the same thing, but then you want all the attention. The perfect function of

like and retweet is, oh, opinion? I like opinion I share to others. But replying with no addition to the idea or even combating the idea. Okay, I don't think Hugs is doing this, but I do think replying is the new retweet.

I feel bad about the whole discussion on dissecting him. you feel bad my fault you feel bad well no you know what i don't feel bad don't feel bad no shame don't feel bad here here's the thing when you quote retweet you're adding something you want to add to it that wasn't there already i like it i think it's more noble because instead of replying because you're replying you're speaking directly to somebody okay here i'm just gonna come clean i get mad when I see Mudahar's tweets. I like Mudahar. Okay. I think he can make great videos.

Mudahar. Mudahar is a commentary YouTuber. Yes. Some ordinary gamers on YouTube. Oh, I haven't blocked. And he'll quote retweet, and he'll just be like, he'll just be like, he'll be like, looks good. And he'll be like, GTA trailer. And he'll just be like, looks good.

Or it'll be like, like Twitch's new decision would be like, bad decision. Yeah. It's just a quote retweet. And I don't feel like to me. No, that's not, that's not using the function properly.

Okay. That's, I think I've solved this. Despite me being a terror on the internet. I do think I have the. A terrorist. Wow.

Am I being hurtful to you today? Today, I get it now. Because Dubbin has dubs all his life and i feel the need to just claw and claw and claw terrorists have wives that's true no so you can't be a terrorist no that'd be a that'd be saving the most what if what if i was like joji but a terrorist like just perpetually down bad. Let's let him finish his smile. And like, I was like the lone terrorist. Joji's perpetually down bad?

Yeah, that's why he makes that music. Are most terrorists up good? He didn't write the song. Joji? Yeah. Yeah, he didn't write the song. What song? What song are you talking about?

I'm talking about his career of music where he just talks about like liking girls and being sad. I'm thinking of Glimpse of Us. I am also thinking of G of us he didn't write it no who wrote it it was like one of those like a writer writes it then it gets chopped around all the big artists oh wow it was supposed to go to Charlie Puth and he said no sorry we saw the same YouTube short I'm not claiming I knew this from a history book. We're a couple YouTube short guys. Yeah, I know a little bit about Joji. Is his name just Charlie Puss? And he owns Dracula Flow. Isn't that crazy? See, I don't know what that means. Joji owns the company that makes Dracula Flow.

I thought Dracula Flow was like a one-time internet video. There's four of them. It is called Dracula Flow 4. And they have a whole YouTube channel. Where do you think that came from? Sometimes you just start with the fourth dude it would be so

funny to name your kid like Joji the fourth and just lie and it's just like where's the other three like I don't know

dude do you think there's gonna be like a generation of kids who name their kid Joji 100% that is crazy dude there's

Daenerys Targaryens out there I want people to name their kids like Aemon and what else is on our show? Smeagol? It'll happen. Smeagol.

Dubbin? Dubbin. Dude, Dubbin Johnson from Maryland. Name your kid Dubbin. We will give you free Patreon access for life. Oh, that's such a bad. Like, I get it, and it's funny, that's cat kids innocent man and name them dubbing you grew up without a gamer tag everyone call them that some people are like hey slime

can i name my dog slime and i'm like i got asked in my chat the other day i was streaming i was like look i'm not the fucking cops but i do think that's a bad dog name like really like yeah i don't think it's a good dog name no come on slime that That's a great dog name I think maybe I just like Talking to you like that Come on sit Slime Come on we gotta go No don't eat out of the garbage That one I will not listen to

He does That one I just go for So what do you Nick is offline Being online I'm so available To be clear we hung out At Universal

And had a great time Together I'm not going to Fuck Universal You should we hung out at Universal and had a great time together. We had a great time. I'm not going to fucking Universal. You should have seen us on the hoops. We were like, oh, we weren't going in. And they weren't going in, but there was movement. Like the head movement. We were something different.

We did miss all of them. I'm just trying to point out all of our deep, deep character flaws for real. Dude, there was a guy. So the whole park, I've never had Butterbeer, which is like a big thing at Universal at the Harry Potter world. Harry Potter beer. Harry Potter. And I was like, I want butterbeer all day. I was being annoying about it.

I didn't even know if it was good. I was just like, I don't want to go on rides. I want this thing. We finally get it. And the guy at the register, Ludwig walks up. And the guy goes, Ludwig, like calm. Ludwig. And Ludwig's like, hey.

And he's like, what do you want? And he gives him the order. He's really, Like calm. Ludwig. And Ludwig's like, oh, hey. And he's like, what do you want? And he gives him the order. He's really, really calm. He starts making, he starts doing the stuff and he's like, I'm trying not to freak out right now.

Aw. That's kind of cute. The whole time, he was like really straight about it. I thought it was really funny. Some people really kill it, man, in them public interactions. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I think the people who are working are usually way more chill because it's like they're kind of grounded. If like you're working and you see like Brad Pitt or some shit

or whoever like you're into, you're like, it's easier to not like freak out and be weird. Dude, I got milked by a kid this past week. Wow. Like from your tits?

Did the kid milk your little tits off? What if the way we milked? Oh no! Don't do it, Kira! There's this kid who comes to dodgeball and at the end I met with as many people

as I could and he comes up with two Ludwig U2s. And I'm like, oh. And I kind of know this at this point. They have two Ludwig U2s in their premium quality boxes. They're U2s in their premium quality boxes. They're U2s people. They're not like this. I mean, he's a Ludwig fan.

They got the toy and they're holding it. It's different than the box. They collect. They're collectors. They're like Funko Pop collectors. Yeah. And so I'm like, oh, how many U2s do you have? And he's like 120.

So I'm like, that's some crazy. Oh, my God. There was that many. So I signed both U2s. And he's like, sign my hat. We all sign this hat. Oh, yeah so like I signed Both you twos and he's like sign my hat So we all sign this hat So I signed the hat I asked him I was like you selling this he's like No I think he gave it away

He gave something away that I signed And then uh and then I go home Christmas concert comes he's there again With another you twos Dude and I'm like I'm like Bro Be real and he. And I'm like, I'm like, bro, be real. And he's like, I'm going to trade this signed U2s for another signed U2s.

Oh, he's gaming. From Baby No Money or Young Baby Sign. I was like, oh, okay. You're just farming me for money. He's like, I was like, all right, that's cool. As long as you're up front and that's, that's the grift. Yeah. Like run it.

He did push it though. Cause then after he, he like, I was walking away and he's like,ift, like run it. He did push it though. Because then after, I was walking away and he's like, ah. And then he comes with a sweatshirt. And I'm like, we've done a lot of signing, man. You told him no? No, I signed it. I respect the hustle.

I'm just saying, I've made you a lot. We've done a lot here. We have to end this relationship. So he milked you so good. He milked me good. That kid came up and milked me. Like a milk tank. Like a milk tank or a cow as your udders were sparking

it's just a cow yeah but don't use a pokemon but it's easier to process the world through a fictional version of which one came first let's think about it what type is milk tank can you look at it huh normal normal normal it's just fucking normal. It's a milk type. It's a cow, bro. They just made it sound like normal electric tits. Look, I'm a hater of Pokemon. They ran out of objects to make Pokemon. Milk would be hella good as a Pokemon type. It's just raw normal. Why don't you fucking listen to me?

Because usually they have dual types, you dumb piece of shit. Wait, can you scroll in? I know Mr. Mime is lactose intolerant. Hold up, hold up. Scroll in at the very top. In the top right. I can read that Japanese now. Mr. Mime has Mewtwoking hair. on, hold on. Scroll on at the very top, in the top right. I can read that Japanese now. Mr. Mime has Mewtwo King hair.

What does that say? Can you zoom in a bit? Don't say it. You can read that. It says, Mewtwo King. That's so good. I'm so bad.

So your udders were so big and juicy and screaming. They were in gorge. And all the kids came up and started going, Ludwig, Ludwig. You're in gorge pink. I wasn't gorge. You're pink udders up and started going, Ludwig, Ludwig. You're in Gorge. I was in Gorge. You're pink udders. I milked a cow one time in Japan, and her nipples were very dry.

Okay. Oh, no. But the Japanese guy was still able to really get some out. And so he had me, Connor, and Pete all go up and try to get some milk out of this girl. What do you do? You put like aquaphor on him? What do you do? What you do is you get to squeeze from the top and it's like a flaccid dick. It's like a toothpaste tube.

Yeah. It's like a flaccid penis. And you just. It's like a flaccid penis when you've cummed and then there's still some cum stuck in there. Oh, yeah. Why don't we do that? The post game. Let's do a video.

The four of us. Hopefully not Aiden If this video gets huge Milking cows We go to a farm I thought he was talking About flaccid penises We go to a prostate

Milking table We go to Shutter's cocks We all get prostate One by one We go to those Massage tables Where you lay down

But your penis Goes on the underside No no we go on The Jordan Peterson Cock milking factory Do you guys want to All donate sperm At the same time,

and then we don't know whose kid it is? Because we combine our sperm. Like, to who? Like, do we have, like, someone involved? Like, a woman involved? Yeah. To bear the child? We go to a sperm donation center, like a sperm bank.

We all come in the same jar. Oh, we cocktail it. And then it's roulette. We suicide the baby. No, that is, like, the soda machine. He's right, he's right, he's right. Okay Ludwig, I like the way you fucking work. And then in 13 years the baby has his own male mamma mia.

Do you think that our sperm would mix? Like, you think our sperm would mix together and then we'd like have... I've been thinking of you. My sperm would be so mad that it was near Ludwig's sperm. My sperm, I know as a fact, and I don't mean to belittle you guys, I have faster sperm than you guys. Wait, what do you mean you know for a fact? I know because I've gotten it tested.

I think mine's faster. I've gotten my sperm tested. How do you know that's faster than ours? You just know you have a certain speed. They said your sperm is top 10%, definitely faster than your friends. 10%? They said it was definitely faster than your friends, but if you go to a tournament, you probably had a go-to.

10%? Top 10%. I think also he was really young and also I have a crazy reaction time so I think I'm more vitriol

than ever I have more vitality I also have a crazy reaction time so yeah I'm saying we fucking destroy this your heat lamp has fried your nuts

no it never was that my nuts ever you're off the space heater I haven't used a space heater in so long yeah I know

but it already fried them they didn't fry my nuts my nuts were protected by my legs. Maybe they're radioactive. He's got sous vide nuts. Maybe he's got like superheroes in there. I want to fucking bust in your mouth and you taste.

You taste the power. Like a cereal ad. Like a Sunny Day. You keep saying it like you're He-Man. I want you to taste my power. You taste the power of my cum. You taste the power. If you had a mouthful of my bricks. Stop saying stop saying it oh you and my load would be so good if you had a mouthful of my

i know i got it i got you it'd be buzzing like zins in your gum well what was that your teeth have fallen if you put my jizz you're about to be like pop rocks because they swim so fast that That'd be so fun. Who was that rapper that made Brick in Yo Face? Brick in Yo Face? Do you guys remember that? Rick and Morty. Fuck, this is going to kill me.

Stitches. Oh, really? Do you remember Stitches? Yeah, Dirty Game. Yes, holy shit. You don't like Brick in Yo Face? That's like his biggest song. I only know that because Arteezy used to play it on his stream.

He also had, I just popped a mo he also had I just popped up Miley Now I wanna fuck Miley Cyrus It's a banger Everyone was trying to Fuck Miley Cyrus back then That guy was definitely A sexual predator No he was terrible

For sure The lyric in Dirty Game Is it's a dirty game It's a dirty world I sell cocaine To a pregnant girl This is true It's a crazy song.

And now he's the Florida Joker. Is he? I don't know. Speaking of cocaine. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Me and Josh want to do cocaine for Christmas and also cook crack. But I feel like I shouldn't say this because I don't want to get him deported.

Yeah, so just say you want to do it. Yeah. He's a TSA and they're like, all right, let's just look up your name. Let's see what comes up on the internet. Well, they don't you want to do it. Yeah, he's at TSA and they're like, alright, let's just look up your name. Let's see what comes up on the internet. Well, they don't know who Jomb is. Jomb! We're speaking in tongues. Jomb!

We gotta use his street name? Uh, why? Huh? Why? Because, well, we tried to cook crack when Kalen was here. No, no, no. Why is, why do you want to do A little coke As a Christmas treat I don't know

It's funny By the way Coke is bad Oh god No yeah You fucked up Why'd you bring this up I forgot

You're always It's the funniest thing You're the most problematic Person on the podcast Here's the thing You just are And I'm misogynist apparently And no one wants to touch you

No one wants to say Devin's fault Remember Xander Who we're cool with now I think Xander's great. I talk to Xander like every couple weeks. He made a TikTok. He's like, fucking.

Wait, you talk to Xander every couple weeks? Yeah, we message each other. Isn't that cool? Xander is a guy that made a TikTok. He was like, Ludwig's friends are problematic. It's a fucked up, stupid ass podcast. And then we all messaged him. We were like, Ludwig's the one being weird.

You got it fucked up. Oh, you all just threw me under the bus? Because you were! Did he make a follow-up? Dude, this was years ago. Yeah. This was three houses back. No, no, it was during the Waxing Up.

Because I remember we didn't want to talk about it during the Waxing Up. I don't remember any of this. Yeah, you don't remember shit about anything. It's because I like to stay detached. What was my mother's name? I don't, and I've never met your mother. Curious, that.

An excellent question, though. I'll ponder. What I'm saying is You always bring The controversy that we have You always bring it Here's the thing I've realized this is a problem And I have to adjust

War Is I come Peace Sluts Not Not being universally loved And in reverse order Is how the problems

Occur in my mind Here's my problem. Is I come to this pod. Dub it. And I don't think about it until I sit in this chair. Not for a second. You become Dubbin. And then I sit in this chair and you know what I think about?

I think about what is a fun conversation I can have with my friends. And I don't think about them once. I don't think about them once at all ever. Do you do that when you stream? Well, I think about chat and I'm having the constant feedback from chat okay and so but so it's different I don't have chat I think this makes a lot of sense and so and so I talked to you guys like we were talking like we were talking off pod but maybe in a more entertaining fashion yeah and and then that

can be bad because I'll talk to you guys about some stuff that maybe I shouldn't talk about in front of other people right because everyone Remember when you said you were a. Yeah, and they're sensitive about this stuff, right? All right, we got some, please bleep that out. We got some sensitive people who hear that and then they freak out going, you can't say. It's a problem if I wanna go, I will, I will.

I will, I will. I will. Yeah. Yeah. And I forget that, man, because I'm here. Yeah. And I'm thinking about saying that to you. I think that's actually a very sweet and beautiful thing. That's it.

As far as an excuse, it's a great one because it means that you just want to hang out with your friends you know what think about other things so like if they're mad that i'm talking about sigs it's like that's fair but i would i will talk to you guys offline and i will just have to keep some stuff away from you guys yeah you ruined it it's not that they ruined it no they did they established the boundaries which is fair and I'll respect them and because of all you I'm going Tell you Also also like cover our mouths Archie like we Take no risks here three Aiden's and then do a voice change Arch Archie I realize all of this has been muted out but stop alright we're done we're done anyway that's what I realized

I realized that did you realize that just literally right now as you speak to us no I realized that when people were really upset about the cigarette conversation yeah which is just your actual life yeah because cutie cutie came up and she was like, it's not a bit. Like, he does this. You know, I was thinking about Christmas gifts for you guys.

And I was like, what am I going to love it? Let me sell hard to buy gifts for it. He's the hardest by far. And I was thinking about it. I'm like, what is it? And the first thing that came to my mind was like, what if I got him cigarettes? Ooh, like some gourmet. That is what you.

Don't get me cigarettes. That's what you. Don't get me cigarettes. Yeah, some gourmet shit. Don't get me that. And I was like, that's who he is to me. He's some clove cigarettes. I was going to say cloves.

They're so special for you. I would take clove cigarettes. Pussy. Ew. Ew. And I would do that. I would double fist it. Ew.

Ew. You know, I haven't thought about Christmas for you guys at all. What? I'm over it. You're over it. I've literally, on the plane, just thought about gifts for you all. And I have them for all of you guys You only have like two days until they won't get here on time. Do you guys?

There's so many unless people Hawaii for two days. What are you going on Christmas? No, I'm going today. Oh, you're leaving today. Yeah Hmm. That's why I have a present for both of you. What's the present pussy? Aiden's presents the worst I'm not gonna tell you I'll'll bring it. Alright, man. So, are we doing a pod next week? Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, you wanna plan about the pod right now? I'm thinking... For the fucking people in front of them. Well, they can be privy to this. Oh, you wanna be privy? Yeah, guys, this is a little

what we call behind the scenes in the industry, so we're gonna walk you through a little bit what it takes to make the Yard podcast. That's not scary to anyone else. What was that? Who cares? That's a scary noise? You're just not, your head's on the game. And unlike me, who wins games?

Oh my god. Game. Your head's blur. Game. Nine. Best of nine. I won five games. I lost four.

I'm just saying, you win, you won one thing. Singular. It's not the only thing I've ever won. What else have you won? Beat Graves he won the CS thing didn't he?

CS Golden Globetrotters yeah that's the one right so I'm here saying I beat Blur I won and you're saying who care that's what you do to me every time I accomplish anything and I just realized that before you said that

I was like I do this too So we all learned It was a learning moment So how do you like it? Both of you for your achievement Shut up dude Sorry I love you Are we having a pod next week?

Let's not talk about what we're doing behind the scenes on the pod Dude what the fuck I have something to talk about I don't want to see the pie chart Is there an idea yet? behind the scenes on the pod. Dude, I mean, what the fuck? I have something to talk about. No. I don't want to see the pie chart. Is there an idea yet? Fucking. Ugh.

Stop asking it. I don't ask. I know. So quick. Yes, you do. But you do ask. What? He goes,

Zipper, you got the time, Zipper? Zipper, I'm 90. I got to get the fuck out of here. Zipper. I got to go to the bike store to buy some live streams. Yo, Zipper, we fucking done yet, dude? I got to the fuck outta here, Zipper. I gotta go to the, uh, bike store to buy some livestreams. Yo, Zipper, we fuckin' done yet, dude? I gotta fuckin' go, dude, right, man? Yeah, yeah, yeah, he washes off, I'm done with it.

Yeah, well, I gotta- All my Fitbits tell the time. This one's on my wrist, oh, I gotta go run fuckin' seven miles, fuckin' pop-shake-dress asshole with a fuckin'- Fuck both of you, I don't pop his asshole. For skipping on the mile, by the way, the annual mile. I'll be the next one. I- I just- Dude, it's annual! You also brought this up last episode huh I'm gonna be

dead in a year you could it's true Aiden Aiden huh we're doing a we're doing an ad read oh uh no I was, I was learning babble on my phone. I'm learning, I'm learning Mandarin. You're learning, you're learning Mandarin. Yeah, no, I had an Uber driver. I had an Uber driver who spoke in Mandarin and we're going to hang out and he said we should hang out and speak in only Mandarin. Okay. So you got any for me? Ni hao ma, bai qi. What's that mean? Let's not worry about that. But did you know, Nick, that one in five Americans speak a language other than English at home? Oh my God.

It's only one in five. It's a small, slow, little number. One in five bisexual Americans, as yourself included. I've started to learn a new language, Nick. Thanks for asking, with Babbel. And I started speaking in, it actually only took me three days, but it's as little as three weeks. Little as three weeks, a whole language? I have an immortal Dorito. I have an immortal Dorito and an empty soul now.

Yeah, we know. We know, bud. Babbel is a quick 10-minute lesson, and it's designed for over 150 language experts. It's designed by over 150 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks. So what's the math here? 150 times three. 450. I have an immortal Dorito. Okay. Immortal Dorito. I hear you. So that's not a 450. Do you like my bisexual body? 300, 400. Do you like my bisexual body? It's great, bud. It's great. If you took Babel for 400 weeks, you would know every language in the world. I'm taking Salvia in 400 weeks with Bjornsson.

We've planned it out. With over 10 million subscriptions sold, Babbel is a real language learning for real. Can you read? You might need Babbel for English because you straight up cannot read. Look, learn a language with babble i can speak mandarin ni hao ma by g yo yo tower of babble i beat my grandma in scrabble we started to kiss because i dabble cafe nero cafe nero here's i'm sitting with my hero. Here's a special. Rap is a language. Limited time deal for our listeners. Hey, let me, let me, or Aiden, let me take this for a second.

Okay. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners to get you started right now. Get off your phone. Get 55% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners. Babbel.com slash theater. If you're on Trash Taste, you're on, you're on Chocolate Sandwich, one of those Jamoker podcasts. You're not getting this. You actually pay double and you don't learn anything. You don't learn anything. But slash the yard. If you're on Trash Taste, you're on, you're on Chocolate Sandwich, one of those Jamoker podcasts, you're not getting this.

You actually pay double and you don't learn anything. You don't learn anything. But on our podcast? You learn fast and free with Babble.com slash the yard. Get 55% off Babble.com slash the yard. That's B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash the yard. And you can do one of those, uh, White Boy Speaks Perfect Mandarin YouTube videos and get a bazillion views.

So rules and restrictions may apply. And now back to us getting a bazillion views. I want to admit something to you guys. Oh, I Want to join the FBI what I want to stop serial killers But I want to put an end to their reign of terror uh-huh using the using the federal bureau of investigation i want to be what are you doing on your phone it's important moment it's important serial killer has come up recently that's inspired you well bloodway i think it's macabre to say a serial killer has inspired anyone okay but what serial killer came up that... Oh, the Poughkeepsie killer. Poughkeepsie. What is that?

He did a lot. Okay. And we, damn it, we found him. We did. Nope. I don't think we found him. We didn't find him. And that's why you're joining the force?

And I'm joining the force. Because I want to put a stop to all these horrible, horrible people. I don't think you'd be a good detective. Why would you... You don't think I'd be a good anything. I think you'd be good at a lot of stuff what be you're being an asshole you said i would never get married because i never and i'd be a bad detective yes what am i good at dude that's like pretty mild but all you're doing is negging me You're good at melee Yeah I know what else You're good at streaming Really you're funny You think so Dubbin

You think I'm good at streaming You'd be bad at an investigation to find a serial killer That's so fucked up in me to say Can you explain why I'm a good streamer I can explain why you'd be a bad FBI agent No I didn't ask you that No it doesn't You said I was a good streamer i can explain why you'd be a bad fbi agent no i didn't ask you that helps no it doesn't okay you said i was a good streamer explain why dub you're a good streamer because

you're funny occasionally on stream occasionally yeah well sometimes you're really mad guys sit back what i've been holding on to this for a really long time what this is not a bit this is not a bit i'm gonna i'm gonna i gotta confess something to you guys that i've been holding on to this for a really long time. What? This is not a bit. This is not a bit. I'm gonna I gotta confess something to you guys that I've been holding for I gotta check the date but it's been a long time. I'm excited. I'm scared. Okay. Zipper

can you play the video that I've sent you? Video? Is it a video of your ass? That looks like... Kind of. Dude, imagine for years he's been taking small poops. Dude, I'd be...

The ones you've been sending me were like from the internet. So before you play the zipper, I want you guys to promise we'll be friends after. No. I want you guys to promise that after this, we will still be friends. What if it's you listening to Asher Roth and liking it? Then you cannot be my friend.

What if it's you taking teeth out of a child? It's somewhere between those two. Okay. Two equally horrific situations. Are we friends forever? Yes. Sure. Well, I'll be your friend after this video, but forever isn't it?

I'm gonna sign on for a two year contract, and I do have the ability to not renew. Okay, so this video's bad. Play from... play the video. I can't see, I can't see, I can't see. I can't see. How is this? I think it could work. Alright, let's boot it up.

You're all deep fried, actually. It's not like crazy, it's just just you're like kind of blowing out. That was plat three. You had a mouthful of meat. I eat good. I eat good. I eat good. I like when you said that.

Dude, that was the fucking greatest nade of all time. Kill me. Okay, sleep for dinner. Too good. I might ult at four. I might ult at four. I don't want to play this raise. That's gross.

Hold on. This raise is gross. I might ult at four. I might ult at four. I don't want to play this Raze. That's gross. Hold on. This Raze. Dude. This Raze is gross. She gets one more kill. Dude, no way. I'm out. I'm out.

I'm out. No, relax. We can do this. Remake the lobby. Don't you lose an R for this? No, no. It's a remake. Pause it.

Are you sleep for dinner? Dude, that's... Dude, you Q snipe Dude, that's... Dude, you Q-sniped us? That's... Were you stream sniping? Oh my god. Dude, that's evil. Me and Yan tried to stream snipe you guys for two months.

No way. Is Yan in here? Yeah, it's on in here. He didn't get in. Dude, that's evil. You sleep for dinner. You almost made him leave. Dude, that's evil. You're asleep for dinner. You almost made him leave! Dude, you shot him in the head!

He did leave! Yeah, yeah, you made him leave and I had to convince him to come back. Hold on, keep playing, keep playing. Dude, wait, this is evil. Yeah, we already played the game. Oh, what do you mean? I don't have food! Yeah, he tried to get out of the game because he got destroyed by sleep for dinner. Oh fuck, I know I took damage. This is going south fast.

There be man. The Raze was fucking amazing! Two new lineups! I like this part, it's not related to me. This is just me having a bad time. If you touch this, I'm giving you $10,000. Okay. Alright, how does this end? Having a bad time Okay, all right, how does this end Do we win this?

Can you skip to the end guys guys do win this game man? Oh we do crazy Yeah, all right you I think I vaguely remember winning this game after just being demoralized about the race which is you you bitch here's what happened fuck you I'm not renewing after the two year contract wow two years of frigid frigid friendship

it's gonna be a lame duck season so I was trying to get on your guys' team. No. I don't believe it. I don't 100%. I was. I was.

And then I snipe you guys. Your chance is way less of getting on our team, statistically. Why? Because there's only seven slots available. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And three of which are two of... Eight slots available, three of which are for our team, five are for their team. He's right.

Because we're taking up two for our team. That's math. It's eight slots, by the way. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I guess you're right. Statistically, it is. Yeah. I guess in my head, the way I thought about it was...

Wrong. You have a duo, which means their team has a duo. So there's an equal pool. That could be. No, it's wrong. That's how it works. It's wrong and dumb. No, I am right.

Okay, anyway. So I try to get on your team. I realize after... Me and Yan tried for a really long time. I finally get in the game, but I'm not on your team. And I'm like yan tried for a really long time i finally get in the game but i'm not on your team and i'm like yeah what do i do like what do i do i'm like i can't i can't play it so i'm like i'm like uh uh i freak out i take too long to decide game starts i'm like i'm fucking i guess i'm asleep for dinner so i i start playing i'm playing very well that day

it's not going good uh and then i get halfway through, and I think about it, and I go, if I win this game, because my team was, like, okay, but they weren't, like, that good. I was just playing really, really well. I'm like, if I win this game and they find out, they will never talk to me again. Like, it'll have dire consequences for the rest of if you watch

if you go back well you can watch the video it's all a video that's why this is good for this is nice for me but if you go back and watch in the middle of the game I

I start throwing you didn't throw it you just got outplayed you guys literally say the Raze is throwing I think what I thought is that you just got outplayed and I might have said you're throwing.

I would love to think that. And then it was still an overtime game. And we clutch out too because our comms are so clean. And you guys had such a brotherly moment. Oh, God. You get this one. Fuck you, Nick.

You guys had such a brotherly moment in the end where you conquered this thing together and you were so happy that I was like, I'm going to wait so long to tell them. Dude. Because that feeling will wither. And then it'll be time. Yeah, I mean, if this was fresh, I don't know how I'd take this right now. No, you guys would hit me. I would hit him.

You'd swing? I would swing. Well, I guess we didn't lose, so I wouldn't swing. I think if you lost, I'd swing. It's a Smurf account. It's not a Smurf account, but it's just like a dummy account. Why didn't you just leave the game? Because you didn't want to just leave the game.

Selfishly, I wanted to play it. He wanted to shoot head, in our head specifically. He wanted it. Selfishly, I wanted to play it. He wanted to shoot head. In our head, specifically. He wanted to shoot our heads. You know what? This is so... Nasty little fucker. You know what the fuck thing is? Yeah, you guys, I'm going to chill for a bit.

You guys take your time. If he did it, imagine how many other people are doing it. Oh. Right? Imagine how many other people are trying. They're trying to snipe us. And they're just doing... And then they're...

Did you ever stream up? No. No, no, no. A little bit. No, I promise. A little bit. Let's check the browser history. Zero stream.

Zero stream. How many channel points you got? I don't know. It's not a lot. He doesn't talk a lot. Wait, YouTube? On his? I wasn't live.

Oh, on yours. Oh, I don't know. I wasn't on your stream. I'm not a big chatter. So I'm sorry. Genuinely. Are you still trying? interested. I'm not a big chatter. So I'm sorry. Genuinely. Are you still trying? No.

Have you tried since? No. No, I felt horrible. Does Yan try? I literally felt horrible. I was like, I shouldn't have done this. I literally thought I shouldn't have done this two rounds in. Yeah, after you shot him and you saw Eric Coots disconnected.

Did you check SlimeStream when I ulted forward? No, I didn't check. I didn't check at all. I believe him. I believe him. I would check. If someone alt-ed Ford. You know, here's the thing, Devin.

We created this monster. What is the monster? Nick. Oh. Oh. How do you guys create? Because we don't play with him normally? Because of our decision not to play with nick and your decision

to be like to be like i'll never play with you pussy boy a little cuck nasty i've never said that exact phrase i've thought it you've thought right you have but i've never said it right but now you said that you have thought it so you effectively said it he doesn't hear us so we created this monster he is so desperate to play with his friends That he resorted To animal behavior Right We did this

We made him the shooter Don't say it like that We were nice to him In front of the gun lives forever I shot the sheriff What is this more like But then you fooled the deputy.

Basically, what we did is the emotional equivalent of slapping him in front of the hose. Like Gumball did to Dream. And then he just became vengeful. And then he got put in a spot where his friendship truly was tested and he did

ultimately the right thing. He made the right choice. I mean, he did, on a spectrum of right, it was about like an 8 when a 10 would have been leaving the game. I, I, I So we did this! So I'm, I think you're right. I think we did push him to this point.

It still scares me. So now where do we go, guys? Now that it's your fault, where do we go? I think we might, well, not our fault. Okay, 50-50 ownership over the situation. I think we might just need sanctioned, controlled

supervised gaming sessions. What does that mean? It means like we need prison labor. Yeah, we need them like protected and bound and gagged. No, I mean this real solution is play Warzone. I play Warzone with them all night. You guys could put me in a chastity belt. I don't do that.

A chastity belt? You put me in a chastity belt so I don't fucking eat you. We put a big padlock on your nuts. Here's a game I'll play. Fortnite. You'll play Fortnite with Nick? I've talked about it last time. I love a good BR.

And then Aiden bailed. I'll play Fortnite. Warzone's fun. Warzone's fun. I don't fuck with it. Why? I just think that Call of Duty is a bad game. You haven't played it.

I haven't. You're sliming right now. I won't play it. I refuse. But I think that you would play it. I think that you would like it. I don't. Yeah, I would like a lot of shit.

No, I think he wouldn't like it. I don't... Yeah, I would like a lot of shit. No, I think you wouldn't like it. Why? Because Ludwig's play style in games is not... It's going to be hurtful. ...movement heavy. Yeah, so it's hurtful. It's not hurtful. Keep going, keep going.

You're not movement heavy. It's just not true. He's not an aim guy, right? No, you are an aim guy. You are an aim guy. I'm not an aim guy. My aim's horrible. I'm trying to...

I mean, you're like a strategy guy. You're a good player. What are an aim guy. You're just not a movement guy. My aim's horrible. I'm trying to... I mean, like, you're like a strategy guy. You're a good player. What I do is I think... Yeah. You're a good thinker. You're not having a mortal brain. But Warzone is the opposite. No thinky.

Just, you move really fast all over the place. You play with controllers? I do. I play mouse and key. Rise up. Gamers. For Adder. I'll play fucking Fortnite.

I won't play this Warzone thing. I refuse to touch Call of Duty. We'll be playing Fortnite. We had a great time playing Fortnite. He's gonna be in Hawaii. I'll be in there for two days. We played Fortnite and Marshall Mathers is in the game. Oh my god. And what I did because Marshall Mathers is in the game

I was like, oh, let's listen to some Marshall Mathers hits. Yeah, that was a oh let's listen to some Marshall Mathers hits and then so I blasted Kim which is a great track it's a love song it's a song about a relationship about what it feels like to lose

and then I was live and you were like hey Ludwig Shatt check out Kim and come back to us and then every 5 seconds someone would come back and be like damn I listened to a bit of it and I did not like what I heard. But Marshall's in Fortnite. He is in Fortnite. And Fortnite's like a game for everyone. Yes.

And he made Kim. Yeah. But when he's in Fortnite, he's like 8 Mile Eminem. Sure. Well, 8 Mile came out just a couple of years after that album. Yeah. I'm saying like his discography. Okay.

His limit. It's more like... I'm just saying, who are we to not appreciate the whole breadth? Yeah. And the breadth. Touch every part of the animal. Touch every part of the beast. And Kim is such a great song.

What part of the beast is it? It feels like it was plucked out of a Pixar movie. Yeah, it really does. And so that's what you're supposed to do. So I'm glad they put old Marshall in the but isn't that funny? It is funny that they put in a kid friend game, Marshall Matter.

Where you could like reasonably go find the song Kim and be like Jesus Christ. You see thatnight gun that goes first-person no yeah that gun in the game now it has a scope and you can look through it in first person huh so like you're not in over the shoulder anymore you go into like an FPS like a sniper no it's like an AR that's weird I saw a video of it I was like what or maybe it is a sniper no I think they are well

it's never be normal Fabi a sniper would be normal. Well, Fabby. Well, you know, we... Nick, you're forgiven. You're forgiven. Even though you've held onto this for months now. You did wait for this. Because I would not have been plat three at all in time. I don't want him to be here. I don't want him to...

He would have just inflamed the situation. What do you think he would have done? He would have gotten naked. Yeah. He would have come over and sat on my lap. He would have tried to fix something. He would have sat on my lap and I would have said, what do you want for Christmas, Jimmy?

And he'd be wearing a Santa hat over his balls. What do you guys want for Christmas? I have everything I'll ever want. I want my foreskin back. You know what? I want a purpose. I want my foreskin back. Fuck you.

Can you get it? Can you get his foreskin? You can get it back. Can you track down his foreskin? Wait, can you let go to the hospital and they have it in a vial? I don't think they hold onto it. No, you have to track down the doctor that ate it. They don't let you keep it. It is true.

Because the doctors want to keep it. The greedy doctors keep all the foreskin for themselves and they don't let the kids bring it home. I feel like mine got used for like a wallet at Tilly's or something. Yeah, mine was in a Carl Jacobs Journeys collab. The softest souls you'll ever feel I can show you mine right now

Your foreskin. I why I just have it so I can just show you don't fucking flex flexing I have it I can show you band for band for skin for foreskin his cock looks so fucking funny. It's like It's just so mighty. Yeah yours. No someone else someone else's it's so pointy it's not like a fucking witch's finger it's just what they all look like no like foreskin

on the cock I've looked at my own dick for 33 years most most most penises I didn't start looking until 12 but like the

foreskinned penis and especially Ludwig's it's just like this don't say especially like mine's like especially fucking dangly

it's just so long at the end it sounded. Like, mine's like especially fucking dangly. It's just so long at the end. It sounded almost biblical the way you said it. The four-skinned penis. The four-skinned penis is the natural penis, and it's what most penises look like. Yeah, but yours is a little bit, like, weirdly pointier than mine. You think he put it on, like, the... This is real shit.

On, like, the sharpening block? Your shit looked like a baby's bottle. If you go into a Japanese onsen, they point and laugh at your dick. At my dick? Yeah. We did that. Me and Aiden did. They go, ah.

He was searched and I wasn't. And it was like an interracial couple. Yeah. Yeah. They kicked you out. You can't go. You can't go on the onsen. They go, ah, no gays.

If you're mixed. Yeah. And we went in there and we were just big chilling, cock watching. Right. And there was a guy with tattoos in there. He didn't say shit. Everything was great. You're not supposed to cock watch.

Well, you can cock watch your friend. Oh, yeah. But I didn't cock watch OG. Stare at them. I didn't do that. You're always fucking, there's always a problem, man. Dude, I got a guy on me. What? There's a little bug. Oh, there is a bug in here. It, I got a guy on me. Mm. Ha ha ha. Mm.

What? There's a little bug. Oh, there is a bug in here. It's been killing. Well, we are outside for all. We're outside. There was this kid at the Queens of Stone Age concert. And they're like, they got some pretty hard songs and some pretty softer songs. And there's this eight-year-old kid sitting next to me.

And he's with his dad. And he's like, how are you enjoying the show? i'm like it's great like he kept asking you yeah it was really cool and then he's like what's your favorite song and i'm like oh shit i don't like misfit love and then he's like mine's uh mine's better living through chemistry and it's just a hard-ass song and the kid's eight years old that's sick and i'm like this is so cute like if this this kid if i was as cool as this kid when I was eight, fuck, bro. But it was just so interesting because it's like, you only get that when your dad or someone brings you to that.

The sibling thing or dad thing. The algorithm would be your dad. Right. Your hobby or interest is almost fully put onto you by your parent. No, but the algorithm is the new dad. Sure. I don't think any of mine were. But early hobbies almost always...

Like, I met this guy. He's a gondolier. You know, gondolier. That's what they call people from Ghana. He drives gondolas. Italian-Venetian gondolas. And that's what he does full time.

Who is this? This guy I met. Okay. He's a gondolier. Was it the guy driving the bus at Universal? No, no, no. I went to this gondola to film a video. And so he's teaching me how to do it.

And I'm like, how do you get into this? And he's like, well, my dad's Italian. And he really likes Italy. My dad's a real c**t. My dad's got a lot of Gumars. My dad has Gumars and he's a mad dog for gash. I don't even know my mom anymore. He's f**ked so much gash.

My mom's my dog. My mom was my dad's Gumar. And then he was f**king, and then he wanted more gash. And so he's talking about his several Gumar mothers, that he doesn't know which one is real. I definitely keep being that guy. He's riding a gondola, and then he's like, I can sing for you. And then he sings an Italian opera song.

That's beautiful. And I'm like, you just like Italy shit a lot. That's you in Japan. Yeah. You're the same. But he got his exclusively from his father yeah i didn't get mine from my father i got mine from uzumaki naruto well right what i'm saying is the media we watch becomes the parent that our parent can be the media but the first media is

your parent the woke media the first no it's not true because my mom all the shit she liked i hated yeah but like i'm saying okay it doesn't necessarily always hit. But that's your first chance. Your first exposure. Whether you like it or hate it. The woke media is your mom and Donald Trump is your dad. And that's just the rules of America. That's how it goes.

And that's why it's so hard to get out. And you got to pick whether or not you want to play soccer or football. The lemonade's killing people, folks. Folks. We should all drink as much of it, the lemonade, as we can. Dude, let's secretly feed Aaron a Panera lemonade and watch him die. Aaron? Did I say Aaron?

You said Aaron. I don't like Aaron anymore. Okay. I meant Eamon. Did you already forget his name? Yeah, Aaron Eamon. It's not even one F since he's been gone. What would Aiden do? So he's probably right now, he's thinking about something. He chimes back in because he hears his name? Yeah, Aaron Amen. It's not even one F since he's been gone. What would Aiden do?

So he's probably right now, he's thinking about something. He chimes back in because he hears his name. And he goes, what are you guys talking about? What time is it in Australia right now? Dude, it's four hours back, I think. 7.15? I'm calling him. Maybe, maybe.

Dude, I realize how reliant we were on Aiden at the Smash event. They didn't know how to do bands for the first of 10. And so everyone was just calling Aiden. And it was like, it was 2 a.m. where he was. And I, by the way, I think it's 2 a.m. there right now. He'll pick up.

It's 2 a.m. Oh. Hello? He was sleeping. Hi, Aiden. Hi. It comes from the bottom, I think. So we are doing the podcast without you

yeah and it's a topic and I think we're having a great time what do you think it sounds like a good time my little sleepy boy

so we have a thing going where if this episode gets more than uh views than the Connor C-Dawg Trash Taste Step

you're off the show oh so we're getting billboards than views than the Connor C-Dawg at Trash Taste App, you're off the show. Oh. We're getting billboards to promote it. Okay. Okay. Oh, my God. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, all right. It was nice talking to you. Good night, Damon. See you later, Aaron. That was smart. He's on his toes. We gotta be faster. He did say a lot of stuff that gets you insta-demonetized and also investigated.

He like woke up. He got so awake. Oh, I said it now. Wow. Damn, it worked. I don't know. He was so seepy. He was very eepy. It was 2 freaking AM or something. He's sleeping.

He's sleeping, man. Ah, I wish. I wish so many things. I wish you would step back from that ledge, Ludwig. I was watching this show, too, the concert, and I was like, these guys have played so many shows. Yeah. Aren't they bored of it

I think playing music is always fun it's also your job though it is your job like I I don't I don't think you get bored of it I think it feels like a job for them it's just the well yeah and they're on tour and they're like always traveling but it's just the idea that you have probably played more shows than like some people have gone to work days because Josh Holman is like 50 you know like he's just done that so many times he's like an expert in playing big concerts and I was like what am I

an expert in what do you find in that trying to hurt Ludwig emotionally do you feel hurt emotionally often you are at the bottom of the leaderboard currently. I think what you do really well in, and you're selling yourself short,

but crushing in melee. God. Look at him smile. Look at him smile after he said that. You guys appreciate it? Come on, man. The fuck? You're amazing.

It's funny because I was just thrown on as an undercard. You just needed more matches. You need more sloppy slop. You were just thrown on. Why are you talking about yourself like that? You need slop. Hey, will you be slop for me? It wasn't like fucking day before, which Noah was alerted.

It was like they asked me early on who should be an undercard. And I came up with that idea. Yeah, it was good. It was good. But, uh, yeah, I don't't know i had a little existential crisis at the show it was fun really yeah i'm just like what am i doing in my life because you felt like you should be josh homie not necessarily but but in a way yeah i also think about like music's always something i wanted to like do but it was just like it's it's hard to be a self-starter

and like study and you feel self-conscious and like playing and all this stuff. And then it's like, one day you're just 33. You're like, I have less time than I had now. And then one day I'll be 40. God, God, not willing to defy God. I'll make it to 40. Right. And then it's like, okay, well, what am I doing there? And it's just, it kind of hits you when you hit, when you get 33, you start really thinking, damn, I'm I doing there? And it just, it kind of hits you. When you hit, when you get 33, you start really thinking, damn, I'm looking down the barrel of something. I look down the barrel every morning. You don't look down the fucking barrel of your asshole.

I look down the barrel every morning. You've accomplished a lot. Every morning I look down the barrel, I go fucking do it today. That's what I do. I go, come on. And you know what? I'm basically asking Ted Nivison,

but as God, to choke me out. And then I pick up the barrel when I get on my motorcycle and I smoke my fun sticks on the motorcycle in my helmet. I smoke my health bars. I do music, man. Make a song. Yeah.

I don't know. I just got to like get my ass out off the floor. But, uh, it's just funny cause you go and you see something like that and you're like, all this rules and it inspires. Just think about it. Yeah. That's the feeling. Inspiration comes with a sense of mel're like, oh, this rules. It inspires. Just think about it. Yeah, that's the feeling of...

The inspiration comes with a sense of melancholy. Oh. In terms of... Yeah. But you're young. That's the best thing ever. When you just see... For me, it's usually a movie that's too good.

I finish it and I go, wow, I'm worthless. Yeah. I've done nothing. Yeah, that's how I felt. And I kept saying to Shake... Because Shake... We've been talking about me, him, and Yan. Yan plays drums.

We started a band called Yan and the Burgers. Yeah. And like, the band's just ripping through these songs and we're just like, I don't even know where

Shake's at, but we gotta fucking get going, man. He's like, I know, dude. Like, he felt the exact same thing. But then I thought about,

like, it's so podcast to be the guy who, like, wanted to do music, actually, and then you do it and everyone thinks it's lame. Tim Heidecker.

Yeah, but you're already thinking about the external factors. I know. And you just get caught. You get caught in these fucking corridors and they just calcify. That's why you shouldn't talk about it. But I think it's good to talk about it. I think it's good to talk about it, but I think it makes you worse at doing the thing. Yeah, that's always been a problem.

And also, I can't take Adderall, so what can you do? Because it fries your heart. Yeah, my heart's in trouble. Do you have extra? There he goes again. There he goes again. I do, Ludwig. That's cool to know.

I want no part of it. Just put one in my fucking juvie a random day Ryan called them study buddies don't tell me you got any of those study buddies man yeah man I got you could we die from drinking too much caffeine people do it all the time

you mean us like specifically poison is the dose that's the phrase anything can be poison if it's enough cause like if I did a video trying every single coffee, could I die? No. Wait, trying? Like a sip of each one?

Like fucking clean it off. Like polish off a cup of French press. What do you mean every brewing style coffee? You should be trying it, not sucking it all down. That's fine. I won't die. Do you remember? This is a long ass time ago. This is a crazy memory I have that's probably

inconsequential, but it was where I'll play a Mario Party at the old piss house and Ludwig had like two espressos and he's playing and he has his shirt off and he's just shaking and he's like, and he's like kind of frustrated he's like, God, this coffee's gonna be fucking wired right now. I don't remember this at all. all it was crazy i was jacked up on that shit

uh a dose of two grams requires hospitalization that's so many grams it is that's like 2000 that's like four monster energies that is way more it's 10 celsius monitor monday i do remember when we used to take pre-workout. No, I didn't. You did. Oh, I kind of want to take it again. You would suck down a C4 and then just fucking break the door leaving the house. Go on vibrate mode. That shit would make me vibrate.

That's the real zen. I can have like a fucked up amount of caffeine and just... Not anymore. You live a boring ass, stupid ass life. No coffee. Also no sugar. No coffee, no sugar. I had a little bit today because I was so hungry.

Oh, bitch eating shit. I always have some self-improvement tip. It's fucking pathetic. You just talked about how you want to do that and how it's hard. You're so pathetic. Yeah. You're a child bitch. You did just talk about how you wanted to do that.

I'm a child bitch. I feel like you two are merely just a Rorschach for all of my issues. And I just, I stare at you and I see all the things I hate in myself. So he is, what is he for you? What am I for you? Don't show me your tummy. What am I, man? Just tell me your tummy, man.

I don't like it, man. Mine's less accessible because of my shirt. I fucking, I fucking I fucking like improving yeah you're always so goal oriented pissing me off why

because it's like that's how you process the world it's through this fucking it is better if I do it without goals because you have a system that works for you

and you accomplish it grow up that makes you like achieve your things you want fucking pathetic I think it's hard man it's hard you're a child bitch. I think it's hard, man. It's hard.

You're a child bitch, too. I think it's hard to keep discipline for goals, yeah. You're going to have to have a whole other New Year's resolution. I think goals are bad. What the fuck are you talking about? Fuck you. I'm going to snap your neck. I'm going to feed you to lizards.

I'm going to find enough lizards to kill you. I'm tired of you. It's a lot. I'm going to put you neck. I'm going to feed you to lizards. I'm going to find enough lizards to kill you. I'm tired of you. It's a lot. I'm going to put you in the hole's lizard hole. I think the genuine pursuit of improvement is better than the pursuit of improvement to hit a goal. Because you probably feel empty upon hitting the goal, which makes you maybe feel like the improvement wasn't worth it.

This goes against everything you've said. It does. It is easier to do with a goal, but I think a goal is a crutch. Ugh. So I still use goals. I was right the whole time. No, because you don't have to. I was right when I criticized you for being so goal-oriented like a husk like corn.

Corn? Like corn. You were like corn, and I was right the whole damn time, and now you come around to me. I think goals are still valuable. Dreams are very valuable. I'll say dreams are more valuable than goals. What's the difference, pussy idiot? I think Martin Luther King had one.

He did. Only one of them. I think he had more than one. He didn't be like, I have a goal for you guys. He probably wanted a baddie too. Eat more. Because let's be real. Well, that was his goal.

The dream was for us. Explain yourself, idiot. About what? Martin Luther King's dream and goals? No, why our dream? What's the difference between a dream and a goal, you fucking nerd? I think a dream is something lofty that maybe makes you feel good and accomplished. Two chicks at the same time, man.

But goals are great. Goals are great. Girls and goals. Goals can be helpful, but I don't know if they're necessarily the best way to improve itself. Yeah, I think... The endless pursuit of different goals. Aiden reached his goal of getting immortal.

If he didn't have that goal, he would probably be ascendant. I know, and then he hit immortal, and then he felt like a husk. Husk, that's true. No, I actually feel the opposite. I feel the opposite. You think so?

Yeah, I think if all he thought about was just raw input improvement and not the rank he is, he would be a way higher rank. Really? And he also wouldn't feel like a husk at the end. Yeah, 100%. Oh my God.

That's why I think that. I think the thing I unlocked with Melee a long, long time ago was I was so frustrated at how slow I would improve his stuff and I would think about what would be my benchmark of improvement and it's like well if i could beat like this person i know and it's like if you're only comparing yourself to like the geographic like people around you that you can compare yourself to then you'll only ever be slightly

better than them like you'll never get that much better so you have to like eventually stop comparing yourself to the other people eventually you will become better because you are trying to like be the best version of yourself. But I think goals keep you at it. Yeah, goals are like, I want to place top eight at this local by the end of the year. But your overarching goal is to be the best you can be, I guess. But it's like, I don't know. Some people have hard conceptualizing that.

And my overarching goal is to one day find... Some fucking scran. Some fucking scran. Some fucking scran, mate. Does that baby want a fucking scrap? Does he want a scrap? Are you trying to fight a baby? Oh, yeah.

Overfoot-y. Yeah, all right. Well, you know what? That's been the whole pod without Aiden. Everyone, and as an exercise, because I know we've joked around a lot, but everyone in the comments, I want you to write the thing you love the most about Aiden and I think he'd really like to see

that and that would make him feel really good and something you just hate in general and something you don't like like but that doesn't have to do with Aiden or me it doesn't have to do with

Aiden at all because I don't want to I hate getting upset at the con I hate it you do I get so many notifications on my phone slime wire replied so yeah it was like slime should have been nicer to that kid upset at the con. I hate it. You do. I get so many notifications on my phone. SlimeWire replied. Yeah.

Someone was like, Slime should have been nicer to that kid. And I was like, shouldn't have done that. I was like, make me. Hey, everyone. Hey. Happy Halloween.

This is going to be the last episode of the year. Unless it's not. Unless it's not. Because we're still thinking about it. But I think it's

the last episode of the year and then we do Best Of. Whoa. Best Of of the year. We then we need to do Best Of. Whoa. Best Of of the year. We'll do a Best Of. And this time, Archie's been compiling clips the whole year. So it'd probably be very extremely juicy.

You think he actually has it? Yeah, we told him to. And he did it the whole year. I checked in with him every couple months. I'm like, you still doing that? He's like, oh, yeah. Oh, really? Yeah.

Oh. He's a superstar. I told him yesterday, hey, maybe. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh. He's, he's. I told him. A superstar. I told him yesterday, hey, maybe throw some primo in there. Just to go back and throw some primo in there. Just to see. We'll see. Anyway, Dubbin's tired. It's tired Dubbin time.

We'll see you in the primo. And we'll see you. In the cremo. We've done that so many times. Goodbye. Oh, yeah. We fuck. Goodbye.