The Yard - Ep. 130 - Ludwig needs to be stopped.

Episode Date: January 11, 2024

This week, the boys talk about Ludwig completing a marathon, the upcoming showmatch, and how it was like growing up on MySpace..

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 We should try to do it so accurate we've done it before, right? We've done that before. We're running out of ideas. Are we better? Okay, we can wax a body.

No. Women in cages. We did that one. We didn't release that one. No, we did. The dogs and science codes. No, the video of us putting them in the cages, we didn't release that one. At the ice borders. So the women don't get into the country.

That was Aiden's idea. You said no more women for fall. Weirdly not coming to mind. Yeah, that is weird. You would wear a Canada hat on this day to make sure that you didn't remember about being a border guard. Yeah. Aiden had a stint. You guys don't know this,

but he got wrapped up in the 2016 thing. The MAGA thing. I worked for both sides. You kept saying this year doesn't feel like january 6th anymore it doesn't feel like yeah you missed the old january 6th yeah better you guys had activities to do the old one was better you uh and it was it was really yeah you got whipped up into the frenzy and we had to i didn't really know aiden at the time but i had to like talk him down and be like hey man you can't change that was our first conversation at big house big house eight eight i said it was six it was big house six and i said listen man you're fucking weird now he changes his facebook name to aiden's day of reckoning yeah day of reckoning was his last name yeah no spaces they don't do. Day of reckoning. Yeah. And, uh, and his parents were like, please stop doing this.

People in my hometown are, are down with that name change though. Yeah. I bet they're down with it. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a couple of people from my hometown of Washington that were at January 6th. And you had a single shot pistol. So far. It's like the farthest place to travel in the continuous US.

But people came from all over the God, all over the God. It was a celebration. I was watching a video of the insurrection again, and at the front of the pack, there's a giant... You're just going through insurrection videos? Yeah, I was watching like a fucking holiday.

You said it like we don't think that's what it was. If you were like of the... I had to do it on insurrection. He just doesn't like the word. The word was too much of a mouthful, and he said, I can't say this all, but I'm doing it anyway. I struggle with multiple syllable. So you're watching the interaction. Yeah, and they're acting, you know, they're about to bust it down.

They're busting down. You're stroking your shit. At the Capitol, I'm stroking my shit, because I'm a goddamn patriot. Yeah, that's right. And there's a giant South Korean flag, like, at the front of the pack. What? And I was like, what is that supposed to mean in this context? That's right. And there's a giant South Korean flag like at the front of the pack. And I was like what is that supposed to

mean in this context flash. One person. I could I could take it. I could take it for South Korea. That's probably how

people watching melee tournaments feel when it's like why is there an Arizona flag in the crowd. They're probably like what country is that. And that was that was the South Korean

acts of riots. What if that guy was there and he was just like on the off chance South Korea could take the country? There was also a Canadian flag in the masses too, right? So it's like

if one of those guys makes it to Nancy Pelosi first, it's like, hey one of those guys makes it to Nancy Pelosi first, it's like, halo, capture the flag. Does she belong to them now? If they get in Nancy's room and swap the flags, then they get the US. That's how we should fight wars. If you grind all the way around the Congress chamber

and you get enough points, you turn it to your flag's color. And then you get that line of congressmen. This is good. This happened once before in the 80s. It was fucked up. Welcome back to the yard, episode 1,000.

Where we're planning something. What? We're planning on taking it back. For January, for next, yeah, we're planning on taking something back. It's over, man. We can't take anything back. We didn't take back Japan.

We didn't take back France. Oh, you didn't? Oh, we took back Japan. Maybe you did. No, we didn't? Oh, we took back Japan. Maybe you did. No, we didn't. You spent a lot of money there. It's true. We did invigorate the economy on a micro scale. It wasn't even micro. But we're inflating it up

because we know it's gonna do something later. We jammed our shit right up in there. I bought all the anime figurines as a play. As a play against the Japanese government. It's so they become dependent on Nick's commerce. So that when he finally pulls the plug, the entire nation will fall. They budget the Japanese year, as they do every year.

They say, how much are we going to spend on what have yous and here suches. And they overstep because they think, I'm coming. I think genuinely Ludwig has destabilized the Japanese economy. and here such as and and they they they overstep because they think i'm coming i think if i think genuinely ludwig has destabilized the japanese economy i'm not buying anything because he bought whoa what am i buying from japan one you took you stole one hard working man's truck for sure dude so he's out of that was like a longshoreman out of the job in 97. Someone walked there that day. That guy's trying to move his fish around Hakodate and he can't anymore.

Yeah, he has to carry him in his fucking arms. Yeah, he got run up, done up. Somebody steals the vehicle. They put him on carsfromjapan.com Is that where you got it? Yeah, it's one of the most secret websites where stolen cars go. Did you get it from carsfromjapan.com? Yeah com, yeah, that's right. That's like 1-800-Flowers.

It's live.co.jp, which is a guy here. It's not as bad as 1-800-Flowers, because it was a gift for me, not for thee. It's still the same concept, though. It's typing big boobs into Google. But sometimes, that is the site. That is fair. It's like, I go

on apartments.com. You know what my girlfriend Googled the other day? I look at her laptop and she's Googling cool shoes. That's so funny. I look over and I start laughing. I'm like, don't Google cool shoes. Why?

That's what she said. That's what she said. Why? What if she finds some cool shoes? Yeah, you're just like, so is that- I'm like, so what came up? Sometimes- She's like, a lot came up. I like limit testing Google.

I like seeing if they still got it. They don't. I don't. That's really pushing the limits of the most complex search engines we have. Sometimes I Google football, and they just fumble. I think I genuinely am becoming a January 6th representative. That's not the right way to start the sentence, because I think you're talking about how you don't use Google. And here's why.

I don't use Google. Yeah. So just say that part. That's a fast track. Just say that part. That's a fast track. Just say that part. And I think that when I showed up to listen to Trump talk about, you know, Oprah and the pedophilia. And you're like, what's pedophilia?

No, I duck, duck, goad what's pedophilia. And they showed me some real shit. Right, right, right. And I said, I don't like this a bit. One bit. We are going to start asking jeeves instead of using google guys jeeves came 20 years too soon ai is fucking hot chat gpt is just jeeves it's just jeeves it's really smart jeeves you think we could tell chat gpt to have a conversation

with smarter child but then tell chat gpt to be really mean to how stupid it is yeah and then tell smarter child to only recite, or only make an allegory for Dance with the Devil. This is the Turing test, right? This is the Turing test? Is this the Turing test? I don't think Dance with the Devil is in the Turing test. No, it is now.

It is somewhere. It always is. Sorry to tell you. Because the robot needs to get to the darkest parts of humanity, and that's just like a pit stop on the way. It's right after ISIS beheading video. Yeah, it's dance with the devil. Yeah.

We should get a mortal technique on the podcast. We should get Reggie Bush at the same time. Why are you wearing that? Hi. You're not going to believe whose jersey I'm wearing. What do you like this week? What did he do? What did he do?

Yeah, what did he do? You're so excited about him. He was like the greatest college football player of all time. Okay. USC. So like just perpetual silver medal haver. Was he more low key or more of like a viber? He won the Heisman.

He was high key viber. He actually lost his heisman trophy because he fucking partied too much and he actually got a car from the school and that's that was illegal back then you couldn't get paid as a player it's true yeah they took away his heisman what and now and now oh i got a car for now you can just pay people so they just get people like penthouse suites cars like all the shit he got. Yeah. But no Heisman came back? No, they didn't bring it back to him yet. It's actually fucked.

That's fucked up. It is fucked. We should do something. We should. Let's take it back for Reggie. Let's take it back to January 6th. We will storm Heisman.com. Heisman headquarters.

Heisman trophies for Reggie.com. We will have Otto storm digitally. We will storm physically. Right. No, yeah, physically. That's the only way we know. We're the boots on ground ground Aiden can help digitally yeah He'll help digital you know I can be the guy in the year. You're gonna be sick

The guy in the chair you're the guy in the truck yeah, and you're and you're always stressed You're Seth green rearranging all the traffic That you don't use an accent for this operation. You don't need to use an accent. And I'm like, well, we gotta use the accent. This is actually just a bit that we would actually do. I feel like we're seven layers of irony right now. This is just an episode of Always Sunny. This actually is.

Oh, is it? Yeah. I want you to be the guy in the truck in my ear. Yeah. But off the clock, too. In dark, where it's dark and private. And we watch D-Combs together I'm in the truck So Reggie Bush I'm rooting for the Dolphins in the playoffs, okay

Waiting for the Dolphins in the in the ocean and saving them because they're at SeaWorld and we keep them in captivity So I guess we're different Have you even watched the call and we keep them in captivity. So I guess we're different. Yeah. So you want to hear about your little game. Have you even watched the Cubs? Yeah, go ahead. Talk about football. Did you read the subreddit this past week? One of our top posts was about Make-A-Wish.

Make-A-Wish kid. Yeah. You see this? You see this? I've heard about this. Have you heard about this? They're asking if we would have a Make-A-Wish kid on here. Now, let's ignore that question.

Top comment was Make-A-Wish more like Make-It-Swish the way I shoot threes. I love that And then I was like damn that's all he is He doesn't even listen to what we say he just listens to what it sounds like Do you think I commented that? I'm almost convinced you said it before If you did comment that it would be true It would be true

I was not Nick We played basketball a few days ago and I was automatic He had a great game Really. He had a great game. Really? He had a great game. After going 0 for 20. You know, I told Ludwig, because Ludwig sits out one game and lets Razsads play, and then I'm automatic.

And I told him, I'm just nervous around cute girls. That's all it is. I just don't want to miss in front of him. You got to come back. I'm undefeated, man. It's been weeks. We won every game that day. It's been weeks since I've lost. come back fucking the stupid basketball chat so it's a dm

with only 10 people in it because that's the max amount you can have in a in a dm on discord which is dumb discord okay so increase it sure whatever but he says hey by the way uh in the basketball chat to arrange basketball i'm in there because ludwig's nice and he throws me in there And even though I didn't want to play he's like so The max size is 10 for a DM if any other like the fake ballers just want to drop from this and I just messaged him Or I just replied and said I'm gonna make you learn white boy I'm literally still in the chat Made a new chat anymore. Oh, really? Yeah, we're in the chat.

You just made a new chat? Yeah. It's not a chat. It's a server. We just have a server now. I mean, I got invited to the server. I'm going to join it. I'm cutting you from the server.

Yeah, but then... You don't know how. You're not even doing it. I actually do. You're a fucking child. On mobile, it's hard to remove people from Discord. You literally... No, it's not.

That's the funny part. Do it, do it, do it. Is that funny? Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. I'm removing you from our chat. Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. From the yard chat. I'm doing it right now. Piece of shit. Wait, you can't do that. Wait, our, like, podcast one it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, That's all you can do is remove friend. You click here and then you click here. Uh-huh and then what? And then what? Fucker! Apologize!

Wait, wait, remove from a server? Yes. No, no, no, no, group chat. From a group chat on mobile. Oh! How do you do it? Yeah! Yeah, bitch! I love this. You're gonna learn, white boy! And to the makers of Discord. So what you can do is you can remove them or block them, but that seems overkill, and I didn't want to do that. I could have done that, and I went, I learned. Dude, if he blocked me, it'd be so...

Yes, it'd be ridiculous. Just because I didn't want to play basketball. But you can't do it on mobile without doing that. It's stupid. It seems you've won this round, Dub and Ongos. Yes, I have. Dude, my undefeated streak continues. Two things.

One, when you were talking about the playoffs i was gonna go oh what's that and then it reminded me of something that actually happened last night when we were playing war zone oh my fucking god dude we're like about to drop in and uh nick yingling's like reading twitter or whatever and he's like yo wait caroline got banned on twitch i'm like oh cool yeah what what happened and then he's like reading about it we're like yeah what happened yingling he's like she was watching something called golden globes she said what is he said what is golden globe yeah after that yeah it was like what is golden globe and i'm like no fucking way that's actually beast that's a cool thing to not go that far i'm i'm jealous it wasn't until i said it's kind of like the Oscars, Nick Yingling.

He said, who fucking cares about the Oscars? That became more Beast. Yeah, and I was like, that's pretty, that's cool. And then I just couldn't believe it. Because it's literally, how I describe it is just knock off Oscars, right? Well, it's for television, I think. It's international.

Oh, Golden Globe. Globe. Global worldwide. Yeah, so it's like it includes television, movies, and it's international. So I was like, damn, that's crazy because it's kind of, I think he might as well have been like, what the fuck is the Dolphins? What are you talking about? But you actually think that. No. I know what the Dolphins are.

Because you know about Dan Marino. Because you wore that today and I said Dan Marino like a child looking at teal. They are the team I'm rooting for in the playoffs which is a little weird to some because they're in the AFC East along with the Patriots but the Patriots are out and I like Mike McDaniels and I've always liked Reggie Bush and he had his

first thousand yard season on the Dolphins. You don't know about sport ball. Do you think when they win it all they're world champions? They won't win it all. You don't know about sport ball. You don't know about sport ball. Do you think when they win it all, they're world champions? They won't win it all. They won't win it all. Do you think when they win it?

You never answered the question. Do you think they're world champions? The Ravens are going to win. And when they win, they will be world champions. Will they be world champions of a sport that they only play in one place? It doesn't matter. They're the best in the world. There's nobody who's close.

I think if a bunch of people who are good at rugby chose to switch sports, they could probably be as good. There's people who play American football that go play AFL or rugby, and they're really good at that sport. It would take a long time. For one person, they can enter the system and learn the rules, but for a whole team to switch?

No, they have synergy. I think I could do what Tom Brady does in a year. I think so, too. With Trent, everything is possible. Dude, he's retired. What does he do? Kiss his kids and chill? Well, I'd do one of those things.

Yeah, I know. And I'm all out chilling. We know that. I think you're right. They are the best in the world, but I think in the NBA, there's so many players from all over the world that are playing in that league I feel like world champion makes sense because it's like a worldwide sport, but in American football

It's like they're all American call a Super Bowl to be fair Super Bowl, and then they say world champion It'd be a super bowl. I can see the world champion like I don't know taking a dump in my house Yeah, but you're not even the world champ in this room of doing that of taking a dump in his house in my own toilet

he's probably the champ not the world champ but that's the thing we know that people outside of the house are probably better than him at taking the dump

in that toilet but he's the only one taking the dump in the toilet so he just gets a lot of dumps when you're taking that toilet

that's what American football is like it's an open mouth it accepts it all I do feed the toilet breakfast you do right you do you never skip a meal toilet. He doesn't know. There's a lot of dumps you can take in that toilet. That's what American football is like. It's an open mouth. It accepts it all. I do feed the toilet breakfast. You do. Right. You do. You never skip a meal. I've shit so much in the past 24 hours.

Why, Dubbin? I ate so much food yesterday. Why are you becoming such a greasy fat pig? Because I ran a half marathon. Dubbin ran a half marathon! Thank God. How was it? Did Shake do it with you? Did Shake do it with you? Nope. Oh, Flake Drizzle?

Flake Drizzle. Flake Drizzle's been talking about this for months. Yeah, you're talking about Flake Drizzle with the shin squints. Skipping out on activities because of this. He already did. He went and played darts with me at the sports bar. Is it like fucking retirement season for that old bastard? He hit a bullseye.

That old withered dick? Yeah. How old was the half marathon? He hit a bullseye. That old withered dick? Yeah. Looking like a Slim Jim. It was supposed to be me, Shake, Stans, and Otto. Smelling like a Slim Jim too. Stans and Shake fell off. Sorry, you think that Shake Drizzle smells like a Slim Jim?

Why did they fell off? They've both been running a lot. Stans hurt his ankle. He's a big boy. He does a lot of sports. He's a big boy. Yeah. He does a lot of sports. He's a sporty guy. He is, yeah. He'll work out here.

He'll play basketball. I'm a sporty Morty. He's sporty. He's a sporty Morty. I just hear a revolver cocking in my head. But he hurt his ankle. Okay. And you could see him in basketball.

I don't know if you saw that. He was on the ground after. Oh, he was? Just massaging it. Damn. Just making it feel better. I mean, trying to. Trying to.

But he couldn't because a lot of the pain is mental from when we beat him. And the only thing that helps is love. And he didn't have none of that on that damn court because that's not

what it's about. And then Shake hurt his shin running with his mother. I don't know what the fuck she did to it. I don't know. She kicked his shit. I don't think so.

And so then it was just me and Otto getting it done. How'd Otto do? Phenomenal. Actually, it's funny. So the race, it's at Griffith, which for those who play GTA

is the big mountain in Los Santos. I've killed a hooker there. It's where you can land a Boeing 747 in real life and in the game. And it immediately starts with a 1,000 foot climb. That is ass. So it's not really a run.

The Griffith Observatory run? Yes. I've done this with the coach. Yeah, but it's 13 miles. I've done it. You didn't do it. I'm sorry you just did it. And then I went to the observatory and I learned. And I touched the meteorite Yeah The Tesla coil

It is uphill? That's crazy It's an immediate 1000 foot climb And I'm behind Otto And Otto's a better runner than me Full stop And he's running in front of me And he keeps checking his watch Every 5 seconds And I don't know Look I'm a very bad runner And he's running in front of me and, uh, and he, and he keeps checking his watch. He's checking his watch every five seconds.

And I don't, I don't know. I don't look, I'm a very, uh, bad runner. Okay. In the sense that I had a Coke bottle that morning cause I didn't have a water bottle and I filled it with water and it still tasted like Coke. Right. And that's what I had going for me. Like a, like a, wow.

That's good. That's like electrolytes I think. Yeah. But this was the greatest half marathon I could have done because I realized very early, I'm not running uphill. I'm just hiking. Sure. But everybody else kept doing this like walk run thing and they were struggling.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And I started because Otto, okay, I'm going to put Otto on blast. He fucked up a little bit. He comes to the race and then like I get a call like i'm five minutes out and he's like i forgot my shoes i'm like dude that's the big that is the only thing that's the big thing you could forget everything else literally everything yeah so i find his bib number i get our bibs and i wait for him we were the last two people to start the half marathon okay and so and then auto's faster than me so he goes off running so i am the person in last fucking place yeah in the half marathon just by myself but i

start catching up to people because i had the strategy of just i will hike i will never try to run uphill and then i'll only run downhill and that was just what i would do it's so hard to run uphill because because when i went on just the griff park to the top, like I was with Michael Reeves and he's just, he's going, he's bouncing. And I'm just like, it's like, your heart rate gets so high running uphill. So I'm just, I'm just hiking, but I'm not like walking. I'm not walking uphill, which is different. And a lot of people are hands on hips, walking uphill, kind of like trying to catch your breath on it. I'm hiking determinedly and I started passing people. And that's the only time I would see autos walking uphill, kind of like trying to catch your breath on it. I'm hiking determinedly and I started passing people. And that's the only time I would see autos walking uphill.

But then we start running downhill and he was gone. He was gone. I think he finished like a sub 230, 225. He's a wispy fellow, if you will. He's wispy. The only thing that kept me going, because I kind of wanted to quit at some points, is every time I'd pass someone, I'd feel a little good about myself.

And if someone would pass me again, I would, in my head, run a calculation and be like, can they bench 225? And if they can't, I'd be like, I could bench that guy. Go ahead. You need this more than me. You think you're going to go for the full marathon? Yeah. Yeah.

I'm doing it in March. Do you think you'll feel empty when you succeed? No, because actually Dan Clancy hit me up out of the blue and he asked me to run an Ironman in November. Against OG? Not against him. It's just to do it. And that's...

He's doing an Ironman? Yeah. That's sick. I was like, if he can do it, I can do it. Yeah. It's two miles swimming,

50 miles on bike and a marathon. And a marathon? And a marathon all in one day. It usually takes like 12 hours. What are the breaks? There's no breaks. You just the breaks? There's no breaks.

You just do it. There's no breaks? I mean, you could like rest if you want. You just go for it. Yeah, it's tough. It's the same as like running a marathon. There's no breaks. Don't they know we have like Nintendo and stuff?

We have Fortnite. Well, that's the last thing. It's actually a battle royale for everyone who's still in. God, that'd be so sick. This podcast is brought to you by Manscaped. But in the UK, they call it Scranscaped. What are you doing? Why'd you turn it on?

I'm trying to speak. Because I wanted to show the people the gold standard of grooming. Guys, if you don't know, the lawnmower is at a 5.0. They're Mark 5 right now. They're innovative. They're prestige. I'm out of like fighter jets. I'm still using the 4.

You're using the 4? I coming out of his pants I could see The four gets the job done. Of course it gets the job done. I just showed you- But the five doesn't even matter. I showed you my pubes in the previous ad read, and you know they're groomed. They are groomed. Guys. They look great.

You should groom yourself. And you should also check your balls in case you have testicular cancer. Can I see a dubbin'? No, not- I want the device. It's really important to do. I want the device. You just have to compare to see if the left ball is equal to the right ball.

What if mine move around a lot? They, like, swim. I think that's fine. Don't talk to me. The nice thing about it is it's got a little flashlight. You're looking for, like, critters or minerals around in your room. I do like the light a lot. It's also safe.

It doesn't cut you. It's crazy. When you put it on your balls, it never cuts you. My hand's fine. I'll be honest. I've tested it. Like, you've tried to cut yourself? I've tried to get in there,

but the ceramic is so gentle. You've tried to get a nick? It just laps up. It's also, you can use it, laps up in the water as well because it's waterproof.

I get in the shower, I brush my teeth in the shower, and then I shave my balls in the shower. It's USB-C, use the same plug that you would

for an iPhone. And folks, resolutions may come and go, but a well-groomed you is here to stay. Head over to manscaped.com slash theyard20. Get your hands on the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra today. For the free international shipping, you get 20% off theyard20. Use the code manscaped.com slash theyard20. Don't you get it?

There's a plane show going over. Ah, we're leaving. Oh, no. you get it as a plane? There's a plane show going over There was I watched the yes theory put out this documentary They published it and this dude did the first Ironman in Antarctica is the last year when we're home No, no, it's just a guy from Denmark and he decided he was gonna do this and he's like he swims two miles in Icewater in Antarctica then bikes on snow. It just looks like the most miserable thing, humanly immeasurable. We're all too much with the sports.

We need to get back into our fun. Maybe that's what the Bass Pro guy was training for. The Bass Pro guy? I don't want to make fun of this guy. I'm not making fun of him. What? Wait, why? What would you make fun of?

God bless this guy. What could you possibly have made fun of about this man? The fact that he was in a Bass Pro shop, butt ass naked, and then fell out like a yellow tail fish. He's borderline my hero. He's like, I want to be like that. Why did he do this? I don't know. Because people are saying he had a mental health breakdown.

Okay. And that's why. Do you think it was because he had such small meat? No. That his mental health deteriorated? So here's what happened. He drove in the parking lot. He was in the parking lot.

He just drove into a pole intentionally. Okay. Stripped down, ran into the store, jumped in the pool, got out of the pool, got arrested by the police. Right. Simple day. That's just how you park at Bass Pro Shop. And then his family was like, he's got a mental health problem.

Right. What, what, I think that's a kind of a catch all. It is. What do they his family was like he's got mental health problem, right? What what I think that's a kind of a catch-all it is what do they say? Oh, he's normal. We promise Well, I think I think Unless I find some evidence as he's a piece of shit and he like murdered a kid along the way You know what the thing is though. I got mental wealth problems. Oh Okay, what is that? Mental well, I'm so downountiful in thoughts and feelings. Too many.

So many that it's like I end up showing up too early to places and working too hard. And making too many threes at basketball. His meat was so small. His meat was. And also that. No, it's fine. But what's wrong with having small meat? Nothing.

It's chilly water. Nothing. But it's like, damn, that's your legacy. Yeah. Well, it's not his legacy. It's just. We didn't know about that guy before this. Yeah, but like. Oh, it's chilly water. Nothing, but it's like, damn, that's your legacy. Yeah. Well, it's not his legacy. It's just. We didn't know about that guy before this. Yeah, but like.

Oh, it's a legacy. Your legacy's not your meat size. Mine? Yeah. Yeah, because I didn't hop in the tank, brother. To be fair, it's the only thing that made it viral. You know what I'm saying? No, I think he jumped in.

It would have like maybe exploded a little bit and gone away. But the combination with the meat is what made it like. If he had a normal sized meat, I think it still goes viral. Not as viral, but the combination with the meat is what made it like a national phenomenon. If you get a normal sized meat, I think it still goes viral. Not as viral, but it still goes viral. And that's the Pepsi difference. Yeah. And if it was massive, it also would have gone viral. That's the aspartame. Dude, if he had just a hog

sandwich. Why did two guys jump in the bathroom? If he had that salt burn cock. Dude, he's looking nice in that movie. He's looking nice. It movie Yeah He's looking nice It's a good movie I love that movie I know it

I think they picked Too hot of a loser No Who shows He looks super British Oliver? Who hangs dumb? Oh the main

The main actor What's his name Barry Barry This guy Barry's dog Geogang Yeah Does he have huge meat? He's got great meat He's got great meat, mc-cockin' This guy, he raised on the Ogan Does he have huge meat?

He's got great meat So much meat talk today, what happened man? Oh yeah, we're usually so off the news We're usually not We said we'd start the new year without it Did you see the clip I said in the chat? Yeah No?

Those are my little cousins, my aunt and uncle Wait, stop, you get Sarah Metzler I'm like, oh my god No? Those are my little cousins. My aunt and uncle were playing in the car. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Look at this shit. Hold on. No, I didn't see that. More context. More context. More context. My aunt and uncle are driving

and my cousin and my little cousins are sitting in the backseat and my aunt has the podcast on and she's recording and she's the segment on at the end of the last episode where we were like no more penis and it's like the two i think they're like two and four like they're so they're very young and they're losing their

minds laughing when we say no more penis and she thinks it's really funny and my uncle is like not Up and they're gonna like vaguely remember that is like I think my uncle was on the radio He was chanting something about penises. I think it was a war. It was the grain wars Grain Wars, that's was the grain wars. I think he was in the war. In the proto-grain wars. That's what sparked it off. I just couldn't get over, like, hearing Ludwig go, no more penis. And they're like, no!

Like, they're like, like, they're losing something. Dubbin, I don't see you anymore, dude. You say this every week. I'm done. I'm done with this bit. I'm fucking done. Let me interrupt this every week I'm done I'm done with this bit I'm fucking done Let me interrupt this It's not a bit

I'm done I'm done with this bit I hope you never see him again I hope you never fucking see him again It's not a bit I'm also done Cause I hang out with people I just want you to address the nation

This is what makes it annoying Is he's socializing We all spend time with him So much I don't want to You know what's crazy You know what Dubbin did You know what Dubbin did

What dude I'm playing Warzone And Dub Dubbin enters the Discord call. Yeah, I saw him. Crazy, crazy. And he goes, I'm eating lunch. I'm going to watch you play Warzone while I eat lunch. I'm like, I'll put the TVs on, bro. TVs on.

Yeah, there's no good streamer on. And so I went on Discord. And then I see Dawson and Nick. And then we lost. And the next game, we won. And we left. Well, no. I watched two games.

Both games were big L. Yeah. Both games were big L. Yeah. Both games were big L. I was electric though. Was there any bickering? And then I was like, was there bickering? There was frustration.

When Dawson's there, there's always bickering, bro. There's frustration. And then I found out about Discord sound effects. Oh, that was you pressing those? Yeah, yeah.

You're making farts and whistles. It would be like Joe Biden. I don't know what he... I couldn't hear the sound effect I was doing, so I would just press it. And then I would hear Nick's reaction, be like, yep, that's right, Joe. We have a couple custom ones

in our friend server, and one of them is a clip from the Call of Duty tournament where the caster is like, oh, he just got world-starred by Yingling! Dude, Yingling, I won't bog you down with the details but i was talking to nick about this yingling was the most wrong i think anyone's ever been in an argument ever last night it blew

me away come on and no it was fucked up no no it was fucked up and then i to nick this morning it was the first thing i saw him in the parking lot and i'm like he was so wrong you need to know i had to fight all alone out there it was fucking crazy it was just about to go to the circle or not and I was just like it was crazy and I'm like this can't be like this can't be how we're doing this

man I had a crisis you know what next time let's just try this let's think of something together and let's make a play. Because I like our time together. It's like you just didn't want to lose the argument,

but there was no argument. No. Ludwig? I think that. That's why you're never around anymore. I've always thought it. Yeah, I am never around.

What I'm trying to say, Ludwig, is I never see you. Why don't we do something that I like? What do you want to do? You don't want to do anything. That's the thing. What do you want to do? You don't want to do anything, that's the thing. You don't actually- Slyme played pickleball with us the other night and that was fun.

And Slyme is the worst pickleball player. No I'm not! Well you lit up at the end. I lit up at the end. It's way easier than tennis. Tennis is so fucking hard. But the games before the last game were tough. It was hard man, but then Josh fucking dropped the games before the last game were tough. It was hard, man. But then Josh fucking dropped the ball, just like he did against you and Peter.

He chokes in limelight. Everyone knows this. He kept saying that whoever was your opponent, like, they're the Ludwig and Peter of Peterball. It was too hard. But why don't you choose something? How about this? Why don't you do the work? You go ahead and use

That pretty little head of yours Uh huh You find something Here's the thing I also asked in a group chat That you are in If you wanted to play In a Valorant thing

Which you like doing You didn't reply Pretty little head of yours And you use that noggin You're still not replying The ball is so in your court On this I don't

When you ask me to play Valorant in a Fucking show match Uh huh That's not love That's a you up Mmm That's not a you up And I don't, when you ask me to play Valorant in a fucking show match, that's not love. That's a you up. And I don't want a you up. When he asks us to play Fortnite on stream, is it a you up?

He's got some dick he can call for that kind of thing. That's what I'm saying. You have dick to call for that? Do you think your no offense, Valo dick, is what I need? Like, oh, I just need missionaries so bad right now. I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got need. Like, I need... I just need missionaries so bad right now. I got... I got... I got foolish dick.

I got scar a dick. I got... Bro, it's too much with a dick. I got foolish dick. Watch his silly dick. So please, I mean... Giving women foolish dick. Look.

You gotta understand the position you're in here. So you got crazy dick on the bench. So much. But you call up little old me? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Why me? Because I want to play with you. Really? Yeah, I would like for you to be there.

Really? You think it's not because I'm fucking you? I don't need you. I hate you. What Yeah, it's not because I'm fucking you. I don't need you. I hate you. What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know shit about fucking anything. The only time I heard something, you were like, you're a single cell organism. I don't know.

You know stuff. I don't know. I got the bacterium and the little hairs. That's it, man. I just know to, like, multiply myself. You know what, Ludwig? I'll play in your hairs. That's it. I just know to, like, multiply myself. I'll, you know what, Ludwig? I'll play in your tournament. Sunday at one.

I'll accept your kumite. Okay. And the winner will earn your assets. I'll earn all of the things you own. We might be on the same team, so I don't know. You know what's funny? I realize we have a very hot Rod-like relationship with Ludwig. He's like our dad and we're Rod.

Oh, yeah. Where it's like we're basically always trying to, one, defeat him in combat. Yes. And also do things to impress him, like stunts. Yes. And so until we have your acceptance, Ludwig, we will no longer, we will not be whole. We will be in this prison for our whole lives until either of us are dead I realize none of you could beat me in combat now

What are you fucking talking about? I had a gun and you didn't I would win no because I can run so far that a cheetah would run out of breath What no no for one You just don't breathe you what I think you're you you know what's fucked is you're actually right about this. Cheetahs do breathe and they don't sweat. They pant. Yes. Which is why we can run them down like dogs.

Yeah, that's why we're good. I don't think we can. I can. You guys can't. You can't run down a cheetah. I can run down a cheetah. I can. I just can't.

Every human can track an animal until it gets tired and then you eat it. Do you think a cheetah is going to go at your pace for a half mile? No, that's what it is. Or a half marathon? Humans have more endurance than cheetahs do. That's our whole human adaptation. You're not that different.

I'm different. A cheetah needs half an hour to catch its breath before it can eat. See? So it does gas easy. We slay cheetahs in the long run. It's more like this podcast.

Are you guys just skipping that it runs 60 fucking 70 miles per hour? Yeah, but it can only do that for like 10 seconds. This is the evolution of humans. It's like we can run for endurance distances. How much of a head start do you have? It doesn't. It's no head start. It's not a race.

You're mistaking it as if I am trying to. You're acting like the cheetah has a headband and then there's an elephant holding a gun that goes. When you race the cheetah. I'm not saying we beat the cheetah. I'm not saying like the cheetah has a headband and then there's like an elephant holding a gun that goes When you race the cheetah I'm not saying we need the cheetah to pull the hundred meters I'm not saying Seriously, all I heard was I can outrun a cheetah I can

Eventually, yeah You're being an asshole because you're being obtuse about the definition of outrun Just to catch him in an argument Like, be like, actually this is what I meant You need to be clear So you're adding in a silent rule that the cheetah cannot eat you fucking pussy up Like, the cheetah cannot eat you first pussy up. Like, the cheetah cannot eat you first, and then

go, done, we love it. Nick, I am trying to allude to why the human race is the most dominant race on Earth. Oh wow, he's a species now. And it comes from our ability Which race particularly do you believe that that's the case? Which one's dominant? Human race, I said it, that's the one.

Alright. It comes from our ability to rung long That's the case. Which one's dominant? Human race. I said it. That's the one. It comes from our ability to rung long distant. Rung. Rung long distant. Never fast, but long. Oh, yeah. Longer than everyone, because we sweat porous. What about insane bolt? Insane bolt can also rung long distant.

And fast. I know, but it doesn't. But he can't defeat cheetah. But he's not even close as fast as the cheetah. I think Usain Bolt could beat up a cheetah he can't defeat cheetah but he's not even close as fast as the cheetah I think Usain Bolt could beat up a cheetah beat up a cheetah? he couldn't run

faster than a cheetah if he had the training like arms to like protect him then he could use his arms but he could outrun a cheetah

if Usain Bolt was covered in magazines like in The Walking Dead he could defeat a cheetah yeah and I do think this and I will be talking to him about this later

Usain Bolt and five issues of Nintendo Power are all it takes to bring down King of the Jungle. Dude, when they sold out, when they sold out? What do you mean they sold out? When Nintendo Power, when they were first printed,

I think run by Nintendo of America, then they sold out to a company, and then they made their magazines thinner and Yeah and cheaper and worse Yeah, cuz no one was buying print media because internet Subscriber until the very end it was what 20 wouldn't die 2011 Something like that. I had a subscription to tips and tricks subscription to Thrasher and zoo books. Oh

You're a hot girl, bro. You're a hot girl. Thrasher, because everyone at school who was cool had one. They'd be like, I'm going to buy this skateboard. And I'd be like, oh, cool, I'm going to buy this skateboard. So I just did it to fit in. And then Zubux, because I'm like, fuck yeah, dude. That's kind of lit.

The commercials were great. I had Highlight 2 zipper. That's why I know so much about good and evil from Goofus and Gallant. Highlights were a dentist office only thing for me. My mom gave me highlights because I think she thought it would make me smart.

And she was right. I always wanted to get a subscription to Shonen Jump, but I only bought them at the Scholastic Book Fair because I was too shy to ask my mom for it. Embarrassed, too. I think I was. Can you bring up Goofus and Gallant, too? The book fair ruled. The book fair was so cool. The Scholastic book fair is lit. People hate it now. And I never had any money.

People hate it now. Wait, why? Is Gen Z trying to cancel the Scholastic book fair? I think it's actually Gen X. That's cute. Because it's making the kids woke. No! No! The book fair is... The Scholastic book fair is now making the kids gay? Yeah, Captain Underpants is fucking liberal propaganda. We already had the Scholastic book fair The Scholastic book fair Is now making the kids gay Yeah Captain Underpants Is fucking liberal propaganda

We already have We already have The Scholastic book fair It's when Jesus wrote the bible Himself That's what they're saying That's what they're saying Yeah

Goofus and Gallant was funny Cause one of them Had a real fucked up haircut And it was like We know We know what happened bro You're poor Basically that's what it was

Goofus is poor and his mom put a bowl over his head and then snip snip snip show me Goofus show me Goofus I want to see Goofus is it spelled like Doofus it's very old

what are you talking about Google images he looked up big breasts by accident. Damn it, zipper. This is what happens when you use Google. We need to use the free search engine. Why is Google so bad?

I don't know, man. It's just the woke agenda, dude. Because the woke media is paying for... I think it's because free services that run on an ad-based model are always going to end up bad and corrupt. Low-res is fine.

How brave of you. No, but like, think about it. It's our data they need. What do you want me to think about right now? All these services start out great. Yeah, bro, I watched the social dilemma too I fucking, I have it, I don't know what that is it's the fu- it was the big Netflix documentary that a bunch of people over the 40 watched

and they were like, oh, Instagram actually, actually bad for you yes! no wait, that's the same conclusion I got too yeah, I'm gonna do it low key whoa, shish meh low key

oh that's old good, oh this is like, what the fuck is this? Dude, I want Highlights Magazine. This looks like it's 1999. How to use your separate voting booths. Goofus and Galant. This water fountain is for you. Dude, that must have been a thing. Wait, what?

Unwoke Goofus and Galant. Pre-civil rights era. Yeah.woke Goofus and Galant? Pre-civil rights era? Yeah. Jim Crow Goofus. And which one is wrong is really interesting in the eyes of the magazine. Look, man. I just need you more. Dude, fuck off.

I'm around. Play basketball. Fuck you. I don't want to do that, bitch. This is how I know you're the problem. Because Ludwig is more accessible than ever. and you haven't hung out with him yet. His peak accessibility. It's only for shit that he wants to do, which is fucking basketball.

No, no, no, this is like, this is like, girl of your dreams. You're like, dude, if we just lived in the same state, we'd just be together. And then she moved here, and you're like, fuck, we're both so busy. You know why I saw shit I wanted to do? I had a meeting, I can't say what the meeting was, but I had a meeting all day. Eight hour meeting. Big meeting. And Nick messaged me. He's like, can we do a call? And I'm like,

sorry, I'm busy until this time. It's like six. And he's like, all right, give me a call then. I get out a little late, like 615.

I call him. He fucked off and went and played pickleball. He just forgot about the meeting that he wanted to set up with me. And I was there. We still had it. We still had it. Kind of, but you answered the call and you went, look who called me to everybody there.

Yeah, yeah. As if it wasn't a meeting we set up. He didn't know. I know he didn't know. I know he didn't know. I definitely did not know. We were excited. I called to discuss a content piece and you canceled the content piece first thing in

the meeting. So I said, oh, nothing to discuss. Well, there's a backup, but you don't know about it yet. I know. Isn't that fun? I'm just saying. I'm just saying I didn't not have the meeting. I just couldn't have you didn't have the meeting it sounds like you miss Didn't have we won a tight game Fucking angry, bro. I'm nasty a pickleball Yeah, that's crazy because we figured something out that we figured out the game. Is it you and Zipper 2?

We mixed the teams up. Zipper 2 is fucking nice. She's the best of the group. She's actually crazy, dude. She's good. Until the last game of basketball, she was better than Nick at basketball. She was actually hitting shots.

That's a beast. She had a better point percentage than the first game that I did. And then she went home and looked up cool basketballs. Yeah. Then she looked up what is basketball. I wasn't sure what we were doing. Fine, I'm done.

I'm done trying to fucking be your friend. Good. See, you quit. You quit. That's your problem. Thank you, bro. You gotta grind this, bro. This is chess.

And you're playing checker. Chepper? Chepper. Oh, all right. Yeah, here we go. Tell him I'm not here. Galant tells his friend that he'd rather talk later. Hey Timmy, here's the vaccine.

Look at his fucked up haircut, bro. He looks like Gavin Cano. Well, I had that same haircut growing up. Goofus complains when his parents go somewhere without him. And then, but when Galant- But then when the other parents show up. Yeah, when your other mom comes over. Oh, those are different kids. Dude, what am I reading here? This is so-

Yeah, this is like, everything Goofus does is fucked up and he's a piece of shit. Why does he have the Twitch car? Everything, because he's... I got bad news. Bro, you look so... Oh, no. Dude, actually. Oh, shit. Wait, am I just Goofus?

No way. This sucks. Is this the Yard podcast? I'm Goofus. Yeah. That's crazy. That's so sad for me. His parents fucking exploded in that car.

That's so sad. Poor Goofus. And the purple shrapnel flies everywhere. He's crying around it. Anyway, Goofus gets mad at the doctor for pulling shrapnel out of his skull. Galant says, thank you, doctor. I don't like the shrapnel. We should write a book.

You guys think we'd make a good book? No. No. I just think co-authoring is bad. Oh, I guess we shouldn't write a book. Yeah. Yeah. Good answer.

Good answer. Man. All right, cool. So now what are we talking about? I'm out of fucking ideas, man. I think we ran this shit in the ground. It's too late. It's over. You right, cool. So now what are we talking about? I'm out of fucking ideas, man. I think we ran this shit in the ground. It's too late. It's over.

You just need to... Maybe it's time for AI Yard. I think it's time for us to just kick it off. We have it ready. We paid for it. Yeah, we did pay for it. What did we pay for? We paid for the entire AI model that's going to replace us when the heat death of the Earth inevitably comes.

As soon as I saw Dendy lose a 1v1 to that bot, I fucking called OpenEye up and I said fucking in a year's time I will have a podcast. It's crazy. They made Aiden in 11 minutes.

Yeah, it wasn't hard. It was so crazy. It was so fast. They're still working on me because they gotta go through all the play on words you can do

if there's a million of them. Ludwig. That'd be easier. You just go to thesaurus.com or soundslike.com. You would think that. But it's not as like words you can do Ludwig easier you just go to the source calm but it sounds like it's grabble it's not that it's not like that I am unknowable to the human mind or this to the start I do think you'd be they're trying to figure out the AI mind is just it looks at me. It's like AI mind tricks

Where's where's the fucking where's the Minecraft gameplay? There's a Minecraft gameplay. Yeah, where is it? I love you. Checkmate. You gotta say it to me, it's the opposite. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What do you gentlemen call the space in between? The space in between? Some people call it a grundle. There's grundle coded and there's taint coded. Oh, I'm neither. I'm neither. Oh, you're a gooch? I'm gooch, yeah.

Gooch. Gooch is a fun one. I'm probably taint. And you say taint. Yeah. Grundle? I call them a spidey sense because it tingles when I'm in a high height. Right. So that's weird.

But I think there's a blue-collar-ness to grundle. Anyway, you can protect yours. Whatever you may call it, you can protect it with MeUndies. Oh my gosh. Because it's always in danger. Yeah, it's always in danger. And what it needs is really softies. Oh my gosh. Because it's always in danger. Yeah, it's always in danger and what it needs is really soft fabric. It tingles violently.

You keep talking about how you're tingling all over the place and I'm trying to shell underwear. You should go to a MeUndies monthly shipments right to your door. They got, you know, underwear socks, bralettes, loungewear. If you want to cover the other taints on your body, you could get joggers, hoodies, onesies.

Your armpit is your chest taint. Yeah, and breasts are the grundle of the woman. I feel it a bit when I look at Aiden. Anyway, it's breathable, stretchy, super comfy. They got styles. They got the style, the style, the style, the style. M.R. even came down to the studio. Famously wears me undies too.

Famously. I was like, yo, bro, are you wearing those? He said, me swear on them. Me swear on them when we wear MeUndies. When did Dopey come? I buy red ones. You both do the voice. MeUndies.com slash zipper.

You get 20% off your first purchase plus free shipping. MeUndies.com slash zipper. You heard what I said. Go do it or M.R. will come to your house and make it turn red. Clap on three. Two, three. Where's the Minecraft gameplay? I forgot, man.

Right, man. Right. I forgot. What is that? We talked about it on here. I don't remember. I don't remember. Yes, it'd be Minecraft.

Oh, that. That's five hours. I did ask about it. I asked the streets. And it was pretty 50-50. People were lose the game. Oh, that lasted five hours. I did ask about it. I asked the streets and it was pretty 50-50. People were like, you will never do this in five hours.

You're plus ratio and you're bald. And other people were like, five hours is way too generous. You got this. I have a question about that. Yes, please. Beating Minecraft,

do you just know how to do that? I don't know how to beat Minecraft. How do you know how to do that? He said no prep. All I know is you have to get to the end. He's done it before. Luckily, I already know how to beat. I is it how do you know how to do that? I know he said no prep I know you have to get to you have the knowledge before yeah, luckily I already know how to beat I've beaten minecraft before like 10 years ago. Oh, holy shit. It was on 10 years ago My crap is what the fuck yes it fucking was they only had more than they only had grass blocks

It was in 2012 eat my dick. When did the ender dragon come out look at I love being right fuck you But look this up this is the game for a long time. Yeah, but look it up, Zipper. What are you going to do when you find out I'm right? I'm going to melt into a puddle and kill myself. Idiot. Fuck you. Stupid. 2011. You dumb, stupid 2011.

Your win streak ends. Yay. Yeah, that is the end of the streak. So we're going to be on the same team in Valorant? That was crazy. What should we call the dragon at the end of the streak. So we're going to be on the same team in Valorant? That was crazy. What should we call the dragon at the end of the game? I don't know. Some fucking stupid intern raised their stupid fucking hand and said, Notch, I know you want it to be a name of a Nazi,

but we're going to call it the ending, under, end, end of game. Crosses out Goebbels dragon. Fine. We can't call them the few her. We're going to be on team Valorant. It's a draft, so we might not be on the same team. Who's all in the draft? It's many of the captains.

It's me and Tarek. You and Tarek. That's not even. Can we do a content piece where I teach him how to smile? Dude, he has a good smile. No, he doesn't. Look up Tarek smiling. You don't want to see your go like this. Don't pull up Exhibit A. What's wrong? He has a good smile.

You don't want to see this. The case is stacked against him. All right. Wait, wait, no, no, no. Go down. Go down. Go down. No, no, no. Go to the Cloud9 one. Go to the Cloud9 one. Go back to the Cloud9 one. No, no, no go down go down go down That was the best day of his life You're going back six years looks like he you're going back six years and moving on! Look at the new one! I know, I was trying to!

This fucker wrote size. It's on the major MVP. It's not in the eyes. No, no, cover the eyes. Trust. Cover the eyes. Alright, I'm gonna kill myself if you guys keep going six years ago. Cause he has a hot one. Go down. Look, that's a recent thumbnail.

That thumbnail's recent. Right there, right there, right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That one's good. Talk to me about it. Talk to me about it. That's pretty good. And you're so silent now! No, but it's candid.

I'm looking at you piece of shit. It is candid. It's when he is told to smile for a picture, he looks as if he is pushing a kidney stone out of his mouth. He does look like that. And I want to sit down with Tarek and be like, listen, sweetheart.

He's pinching a Cheerio between his butt cheeks and he drops it, the world explodes. But he has to pretend that everything's okay. He also had a picture day at school Oh man. Dude that reminds me uh you said picture day this popped in my head Uh there was a picture day once and uh I had the option to take a picture with a big giant crayon Or a crayon however you guys like to say it. Crayon. And it was blue, and I had like a machine gun or a snowboard. Was it the one that holds coins? No, I don't think so.

But it was the same type. You see the vision. And I picked the crayon because I thought it was Beast. Yeah. And I got the pictures back, and my mom was like, you didn't pick the snowboard? And I was like, oh. She was like, pause.

And you were like, I like to draw. She's like, you're 14. Well then why did they have it? I remember that. Wow, I think that did a lot of damage to me. Unpack that. I can't unpack it because she's dead. Probably somewhere. Do you think you'll ever snowboard

for the rest of your life? Yeah, maybe. I'll give it a hard ass maybe. You want to go? You want to go? We've been planning a trip. You want to go? I don't want to go because I just found out you're planning a trip. I haven't invited anyone yet. It's just me and the missus. So that's an invite. It's an invite now. No, you invited the

missus. She invited me. So it's her fault. Where do you guys want to go? I don't know. This is a bad thing to play on a podcast, but I would like to learn to snowboard

because I don't know how to do it. You want to learn with me? Oh, there's so many questions that are happening. This is big. This is big. Because last time we snowboarded, I tried it

and I was so bad at it, I quit. Really? I don't really do that a lot. How old were you? I was old. I was like, I was like,

I don't know. You were in your 20s? Yeah, I was like 20, 21. You were an adult man. Yeah, and I was like, I hate this. I don't really do that a lot. How old were you? Uh, I was old. I was like, I was like, I don't know. You were in your twenties? Yeah, I was like 20, 21. You were an adult man. Yeah, and I was like, I hate this. I don't want to do it. Have you ever snowboarded? Have you ever led a wagon?

No. This might be- Have you never snowboarded? I have. Yeah. But- I'm fucking nice with it. This might be a nice oppor- I don't snowboard very often, so it might be a nice opportunity to all try snowboarding together. What if we did a video?

I do have a yard spengel. A yard spengel. We could go to Colorado. I know this snowboarding together. What if we did a video? I do have a yard spengel. A yard spengel. We could go to Colorado. I know this X Games guy. Is he on mode? He's on mode. I want to do the big ramp first try. He's on speed, and he wants us to go on the half pipe together at the same time.

Are you kidding me? Dude, I'm so afraid to drop in. Dude, that shit is terrifying. I know this hurts my fucking weird skateboard cred I have on this stupid show. Yeah, you broke your face. You have a real reason to be terrified. Because I have fake teeth, bro. Yeah, fake ass teeth.

They scare the shit. They're fake. True. You have fake teeth because you're fake. Did you ever think about it? Teeth. No, you're fake. Oh.

Do you think about it? I don't think about it. Yeah. I know you don't. I can't because I'm an AI. I Uh. Do you think about it? I don't think about it. Yeah. I know you don't. I can't because I'm an AI. I can't. We think about it. I can't process my own lack of humanity.

That would check. If one of us was AI the whole time, it's probably me. Listen to me, you piece of shit. I might go snowboarding with you. Oh. We'll never do it. Let's do it. What the fuck?

No, no, no. He's using one-way psychology. No, I'm not. He knows if he does that, we'll do it. It's not about that. I just know, okay? And I've been... So I've been playing Baldur's Gate 3.

Okay. And my group gets mad at me because every time we play, I go, we're not beating this game. Do you play on Strom? I play on membership-only stream. Oh. The OnlyFans. That's cute.

My OnlyFans stream. I've also been playing Baldur's Gate 3. Isn't that crazy? Baldur's Gate. Mm-hmm. Zipper doesn't get it, but I have. Zipper gets it because Zipper plays Mulder's Gate. I'm a half-orc rogue.

Because I was trying to make my exact D&D character, and you can't. Oh, Dungeons & Dragons, by the way, is coming in 2025 March. March 2025. No, no. I'm not going to say my best. We made it. I can't talk about it. March 2025.

We can't talk about it. We can't talk about it. We're soon. So every time I play the group I go we're never beating this game because it's a 100 hour game

and Valkyrae's in my group Valkyrae, Fuseli, Mion it's a 100 hour game so it's girls night it's girls night and I keep telling them I won't be the problem

we're not beating this game Valkyrae you'll be the problem because it's true it's just factually true but they get hurt every time I say it but it's just true because true but they get hurt every time i say it yeah but it's just true because she's gonna have a photo shoot in milan uh-huh she's gonna have a

fucking paris fashion week uh-huh she's gonna do girl shit uh-huh i don't know why can't she just sub in you can just just she should just get some fucking some person to sub in they just pretend to be her like the germa christmas thing oh Oh, it'd be so funny. It'd be so funny. Yeah. And it's just some dude. And I can't tell because of my misogyny. Yeah, and you're just like, Valkyrie, you're doing well in the game, and she's like, thanks. Nice. Nice, God.

And that's the same with this. I'm just letting you know, it will never happen. Because we've talked about, what are we talking about? We talked about sports day? We talked about doing sports day, we even had a date are we talking about? We talking about sports day? We talking about doing sports day? We even had a date before we talked about doing the SATs? I got ADHD. I don't know, man. I can't do

anything, man. It's just hard, man. Shut up. You know what? Sorry, that came out. It is hard. I couldn't control it. No, you're right. You're right. I was fine. You're cool as fuck, Tyler. Shut up. I couldn't control it no you're right you're right I was fine I shouldn't have you're right

you're cool as fuck Tyler shut up it's just like I can't get like out of bed man yeah no he was right though

for sure you kept talking which I respect but it's like it's fucking no it's a to the left thing you just I just can't you just give it here

so anyway that's why it'll never happen man snowboarding? yeah I think snowboarding will happen that's his confident voice you know what my thing is about snowboarding I'm not afraid of snowboarding snowboarding chill with me

I'm afraid of the ski lift it scares the fuck out of me you know what's funny I grew up scared of heights but you ride the lift so many times. There's this program for skiing for poor kids, and we got on a bus on Saturday morning at 6 fucking a.m., and they just bus us to the ski place,

the mountain, if you will, and then I would come home every Saturday just wanting to play video games so bad. Well, you can ski? Yeah, I can ski. Oh, you're going to be better than me at snowboarding. I can ski for like five years. There is almost no similarity between the two.

No, it's not. It's hard. But I did snowboard for one year and then that was too hard and this guy Tommy made fun of me and I was like I can't win. What am I doing? It's so hard to get out of bed. I'm at an all-time low for balance right now. I have really bad balance right now. You're dragging it? I've just been doing balance things recently because I skateboard and I walk a lot. I'm just bad at balancing Your ear fluid all fucked up? I think that's what it is

You got fucked up ear fluid? I think that's what it is Actually? Yeah actually Actually cause I have Oh that's such a nerdy thing to say Maybe you got a small cerebellum 10 seconds

No one can make fun of me Ready? Wait hold on Let's get it all out I start with 10 seconds As my first bit Okay just let me Just let me calibrate

Alright I'll wait 10 I'll wait 10 Okay. Okay, just let me calibrate. I'll wait 10. I'll wait 10. Okay. Okay. You have to give me the starting time. Timer starts. Now go.

Okay, I was born with an overproduction of earwax in my ears, and so I have to go to the doctor to get my ears cleaned every once in a while because I have too much earwax. You're laughing about something else. You're laughing about something else. That're laughing about something else. You're laughing about something else. You're laughing about something else. You know that's so fucking cool man. That's sick bro. And it's you know what else it is. I think it's making me off balance.

It's attractive. It's an attractive thing to have. No that's hot. So that's cool. What if I made a candle? You could make a candle for sure. Maybe we just need to balance your fluid out. Maybe we suck all the juice out of your ears.

Alright, Aiden on my left. No we need to balance your fluid. We gotta suck all the fluid out of you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe we just need to balance your fluid out. Maybe we suck all the juice out of your ears.

All right, Aiden on my left. No, we need to balance your fluid. We got to suck all the fluid out of you. Let's get the fluid. The fluid suck-a-thon. I'll suck your ear out. Okay. Left ear, slime, right ear.

No, no, no. You guys, and then I'm the foreman. Oh, you suck them off. You're the foreman. I manage the job. No, I don't suck them off. I'm sorry. I thought we were sucking all the fluids out.

I got confused. We suck his head fluids out of his ears. Get in the trenches. I'm a manager! You've gotten your ears cleaned professionally? Yeah. I mean, it's not. Many times.

Like, it's a hard time. With a camera? Have you never had it done? Not with a camera, no. I've had it done with a camera. It's kind of fun. What the fuck is this? What is this?

With a camera? You can do this? Yeah, there's a guy in Japan. So at the doctor, if you just go to the doctor in America and do it, what they do is they put this little bowl under your ear, like right here, because it's going to catch everything that comes out. You just go to the doctor and say, hey, dog, I have a gross amount of wax that I developed. It's a wild thing about it.

It's a defect. And the dog will be like, yeah, I see it literally climbing out of your ear. I can make a candle out of that. One time the doctor, it's alright, it's the way they do it. They put the cup under your ear and they get this water jet and they pump water into your ear and it goes in and pushes stuff out. It's alright. So the way they do it, they put the cup under your ear and they get like this water jet and they pump water into your ear and it like goes in

and pushes stuff out. It's very uncomfortable. And then, but once they're done, they always show you. They go, hey, look. And they show you.

And one time my doctor was just like, dude, this is fucked up. Like there was a, he was like, this is crazy. You want to see it?

I'm like, sure. And he shows me and there's a piece of earwax like that big. Oh, about the size of a dime. About the size of a dime. About the size of a dime, just in the little thing. He's like, that was in your ear.

And I'm like, that's crazy. I did one in Japan that was different. It was this guy, he had a little tiny baby-ass camera, and he put it in my ear, and I was looking, I was sitting in front of this CRT television, and then I'm just watching my ear, and then this camera, and then he puts a little Q-tip in it, and then I'm just I'm watching my ear and then this camera and then he puts

a little a little q-tip in it and then he just pulls it out and he just kept pulling it out and he did a great job he did a bang up job

it sounds like this happened to violin music it was like a quiet massage studio which looks like you would go there for a one on one sesh one on one sesh

but we had a little camera crew there and then I never uploaded the video because it was actually just... It was too intimate. It's not that exciting. It was...

Well, it was actually too exciting. Well, you could do Ludwig ASMR. Well, it was a... He was a Japanese soap land manager as well. Do you guys remember ear candles? No. You don't remember ear candles? No.

It was like a fad for a little bit. Oh, you put it in your ear? I do remember this. Yeah, so it's like a candle. You put it in your ear, and you lay on your side, and you light the candle, and the heat... Oh, it was like a fad for a little bit. Oh you put it in your ear. I do remember Yes, it's like a candle you put it in your ear and you lay on your side and you light the candle Oh, it's horrible vacuum pulls wax out of your ear. Oh, it's gonna be they discovered it was it's awful for you It's rupturing your jaw and smoke in your head Do you think it's worse than the brain Hong the like probably? Things worse than it's the other direction

Yeah, well, yeah, it goes in your ear and it's good all the vitamins go in your ear. Because it's the other direction. Yeah, it goes in your ear and it's good. All the vitamins go in your head. And then you blow it out. So I learned about ear candles from Charles Trippy. Because he did a vlog doing it back in 2000, I don't know. Episode 893 or something. Did you know about Charles Trippy?

So Charles Trippy has the record, or had the record for the second most consecutive YouTube uploads record Or had the record For the second most Consecutive YouTube uploads Or maybe the record For the most consecutive YouTube uploads He was there

He was a vlogger Didn't he like invent Daily vlogging He was one of the Daily vlogger For founders And it would just be His life

And he was dating This girl Named Allie And then he and Another girl And they were married They had another girl Named Allie

Then they were married They divorce They break up Not as many people Watch him Allie. Allie. And then he ate another Garnet Valley. They ate another Garnet Valley. Then they were married. They divorce. They break up. Not as many people watch him. What are the Shaytards doing during all of this?

The Shaytards are pumping him up. He's also the bassist of We The Kings. What? Not a lot of people know that.

Would you explain that? Charles Trippy is the bass player in the big band We The Kings. Okay, okay. I thought you were

saying the phrase We The Kings. Yes, Juliet, are you with me? That's like Silvio. He's been the bassist of that band the whole time. It's like the guy in The Sopranos.

He plays guitar for Bruce Springsteen. It's like that. Shaytar's a pump on a mount. He's married to a girl named Ally. They divorce. Ally too. His views aren't doing so great. Got it.

His video that spikes, I see it. He has a new girlfriend he reveals. Also Ally. No. He also had like, didn't he have like. It's fucked up. Like brain surgery or cancer or something? He had brain cancer and then he got brain surgery to remove it. a new girlfriend he reveals also ali no he also had like didn't he have like fucked up like brain surgery or cancer or something brain cancer and then he got brain surgery to remove it and now

he's good on the brain that's cool but maybe that's the part of his brain that said don't date the same girl name it has to be ali always it must be ali always ever ever and then they got married dude he's like one of those he's probably still daily i Dude, he's like one of those... He's probably still daily up with you. He's like one of those people that when their dog dies, they get a new dog that's the same breed with the same name. Oh, Santa's Helper 17? People who do that should be in prison. They are sick.

And then they just... And then there's like a niche of that where the people they just carry on the age. Aiden, I'm gonna say something offensive here. You seem like the guy to do that. No, he doesn't seem like the guy who would appreciate having a dog. I know, but if he did have a dog, if he had kids

and his kids had a dog and the dog died, I feel like he'd be like, well, let's get another dog with the same name. That's psycho shit. That's psycho. But it feels like something you could do. Again, I'm not saying you would do this. I'm saying it feels like you could do this. And you're not allowed to judge my feelings.

Because all feelings are valid. Thank you. Thank you. So chew on that. So why would you do that? Canada boy. I don't know. I don't know.

It just seems like a really straightforward solution to a problem. You're the YouTuber here. If you could go back to the Charles trippy era of YouTube right and invent Something on YouTube. What would you choose? Would you the same exact thing? What would I do like would you just do what you do on YouTube now back then and be like it'll just work or Would you do something that someone invented at some point and start it yourself? I think YouTube at its infancy a creator said a lot more power in terms of creating meta

Yeah, right five people and and also YouTube did wouldn't push back as much because they needed people to upload and at its infancy, creators had a lot more power in terms of creating meta. Yeah. So it was like five people. And also YouTube wouldn't push back as much because they needed people to upload. And everything was novel. And what is the most viewed video in the world? A 15 minute stretch

for Baby Shark. It's porn. What? It's porn. Not on YouTube. It's Baby Shark. The most viewed videos in the world is porn.

Oh, is it on YouTube? No, no, no. In the world. You also said the word Use collectively is there a porn video that has more views than baby shark or is that what you're saying? Oh, two girls one cup probably. Oh, yeah, oh, baby. Oh, baby The the numbers on porn. I'm sure I do baby sharks like 15 billion me pain Olympics billion, dude Yeah, holy shit. It's cuz it's for kids cuz it's getting played for

kids on repeat but okay what you're saying is there's more porn than there are hours of human history yeah and we make YouTube a porn site and it's a different world now we're fucking talking brother it's a different and then the kids go to video and YouTube already has like branding and a color scheme so we just keep it and we go red, too Oh Fuck YouTube YouTube turn red Did you the red team guys? The red tube guy really that he just bit off YouTube is that it

There's a bunch of sites that were like something tube, right? But they was YouTube that even the first site to do I think you should leave Fucking like slang or like nickname word for television old yes, yes Yes, but they but tube was the concept to build the brand's name of the site Yeah, but that's what I didn't invent the word tube, but YouTube They didn't invent the word tube, but YouTube and putting a blank tube as a format. Isn't RedTube from before YouTube? I don't know. I don't know the answer to that.

I want to say no. I want to say no as well. It's just a suffix for television, and then you put whatever you want on it. There's XTube, XHamster, YouTube. Yeah, definitely later then. Launched 2007. YouTube came first. YouTube 2005.

YouTube beat them. It's a format thing. And then there used to be NotYouTube.com, which later then. Launched 2007. YouTube came first. YouTube's 2005. YouTube beat them. It's a format thing. And then there used to be not YouTube.com, which I've talked about. Dude, I remember my friend showed me a Halo 2, like, frag vid in 2005 on YouTube. And I was like, what's this fucking nerd shit? I genuinely was like, I don't like this. Why is this video playing? It was really... You were mad at the video?

I was just mad. I think it's I didn't like him. I was this video playing? It was really... You were mad at the video? I was just mad. I think it's I didn't like him. I was like, everything he likes is stupid. And I just didn't make... But I watched YouTube in 2005. Isn't that crazy? I ran a half marathon. Ludwig, you ran a half marathon.

And you know what? We're all really proud of you. I don't care. I don't care. We're all really proud of him. 13.1. What? Miles.

Miles. What? Kilos? Miles. No kilos. No kilos. I want to hear it. I'm proud of him 13.1 What? Miles 30 what? Kilos Miles No kilos No kilos I'm tired of hearing it Well I'm sure you had to prepare for that in some way Like what were you eating?

That's a good point My body's a temple I'm not even sore today I ran a half marathon Right Yeah And it's because you have to do two things Okay

What's one thing you have to do? Hydrate Okay Eat right Eat right Okay but be really annoying about it is not on your list I don't feel like I'm doing that do tooth thing okay what's what what's one thing you have to do hydrate okay eat right eat right okay but be really annoying about it is not on your list i don't feel like i'm doing that how do you eat right could you explain that part more i eat factor meals and i turn them super small with the jimmy neutron x-ray thing and then i eat the entire package you know what's been happening

to me a lot recently is i i'm like trying to hang out with nick yingling and i'm like you want to go get dinner he's like no i got factor he just prefers the food over hanging out with me hanging out with you i'm sorry to say factor is great but there's probably something else amazing there's no other dynamic at play factor is just that good yeah he's eating protein plus but it's shake too it's ready in two minutes, and Nick Engling and I hang out often. But the thing you need to know is that there's a lot more options that you could enjoy, like keto, calorie smart. You also get dinner, though, right? We get dinner a lot, and it's usually eating Factor with their 30 plus grams of protein.

Like, he'll eat Factor with Ludwig, so you need to figure out what's going on there. He has a lot of choices split between him and Ludwig. 55 weekly add-on options they pick with their monthly subscription. Usually add them all. Guys, if you want to be able to run a half marathon like me, then treat your body like a temple and go to factormeals.com slash theyard50

and use code theyard50 to gain 50% off your first box. Or if you want to dodge hanging out with your friends, it's a good excuse to not eat food with them like what Nick Yingling does to the other Nick. Do you guys want to go get lunch? A lot of factor in the back. Oh, man!

Don't work on that. How's that? Oh, man! Alright, well, that's factor. It's America's number one ready to eat meal kit. It's number one ready to eat meal kit. You know what I missed this past week? Facebook. You missed Facebook? I missed Facebook. I missed Facebook, too. Facebook's lit. What does this past week? What? Facebook. You missed Facebook? I missed Facebook.

I missed Facebook too. Facebook's lit. What does this mean to you guys? I guess it's just Discord now though. To me, it's like now I have to know everybody's birthday. Okay. And that's a lot of work. Facebook just did everything.

Facebook had a lot of layers of convenience. I think so too. Yeah. It was also like everyone was just on it Yeah, I think the nice thing about Facebook was like Twitter is a good way to like Discover and interact with like new people or people who follow you for a thing you do and Facebook's a good way to like keep In contact with like random person from high school. Yeah, they know just kind of Instagram now though yeah they don't just kind of instagram now though kind of like it's more anonymous now because you just watch their story but and maybe occasionally you could reply but it like it's generally instagram

follow feels more intimate in a weird way i don't know why yeah yeah i think so too i don't know most of the people on my facebook friends list i don't remember i think it's like the layout that facebook had to like Facebook having messenger and events and birthdays and groups like let you do a lot of like normal life socializing through it. This might be the most millennial thing we've thought. Yeah. Yeah finally. Finally I don't get fucking

I don't get roasted. The most millennial thing is like bring back MySpace. That is the most. I've never had that website. You've never had MySpace? I don't have it either. What the that's too old be with me of course This is real shit, I was not so I show you guys a song that I had on my page Yeah, you go look up tipping on my dick And go ahead my parents my parents were obviously

Protective of the way I engaged with the internet as a kid. And I was like, when I was like 12 or 13, I wanted to start like making accounts on websites and they wouldn't let me up until that point. And I wanted to make a, an account on my space and I, and Facebook and like some like gaming forums and stuff. But my parents didn't want me to use all these things at once. They, I think the idea was like, they didn't want me to become addicted to the internet. So I had to

pick what I got to make an account for and I picked Yu-Gi-Oh! Card Maker Forum over MySpace. You left so much You left so many make-out sessions on the table. I know. But I made a lot of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards. And that's

I remember that Yeah I remember this It was on my MySpace page Oh man Bigger Yeah you could have a song And you could do like

A custom layout Mine was Jesus Writing a donkey cartoon That's so cool That's really funny Fuck Yeah I mean For boys

It was genuinely Just to be able To talk to girls Yes For girls Who knows No one knows What they think

To talk to boys, probably, right? No, dude. I don't think so. Why? Because their top ten was all girls. Yeah, because they don't want to be too obvious. And mine was like the boys, but sometimes like a girl. Number one is the fucking boy.

Number two is the girl I like. Do you straight up have a friend PR on it? Yeah. Top eight. That's crazy. So you have friends, but you need your top friends. Did you make them? Yeah, you rank them yourself you literally it like that's not so much like i pick one that's yeah that must have been so much drama and you know it was and you could change it to

like like i only do top five like you could make the only like it's not always the same amount yeah uh and when you joined myspace tom was your only friend this is so so ludwig my my social equivalent of this was on the mario kart we forum people posted their friend rosters and in mario kart we you could only add 30 people max at a time there was so like you couldn't have like 100 friends like you could on xbox and people would like make these highly like personalized like lists that showcase their like friends list on mario kart and it was like cool to have certain players in certain teams like added just like in in call of duty and then there were some people who were super cool who like only added like 15 or 20 people

yeah it's like it's exclusive super tight and i tried to make a cool mario kart we make a low we've talked about we talked about some of the advice show. How did that go? Our friend, we talked about having a, there's this guy on Reddit, he talked about his, and I brought it up on the advice show, friend PR list, and he had like this Excel sheet, and he put all his friends on it, and then the last time he communicated with them, and then like a friend score level,

which will tell you the cadence you need to communicate with them with, and so then you just go on the Excel sheet and then you know a couple days will pass You talk to people in red I think On surface level explanation it sounds so much more psycho But it- that is- that's better than what the MySpace thing is No!

Which is a public display Public display is more fucking like yeah It was good No It was good Public display is bad because there must have okay. You're talking to social creatures Make people feel so bad That's the fucking

One kid in a friend group of people who's not cracking any of his friends top five you're thinking about it that way I'm thinking about it something happens. Oh like a Concerted effort and that a friend group changes everybody. That kicks somebody off the list together. Bro, that's the way this shit works. That's how it goes. What do you do?

That's the streets, dude. That's fucked. Bro, you brought fucking, everyone said to bring stuff. You brought root beer. What'd you fucking bring root beer for, dude? That's a problem. We were off the list. Because we're trying to get Boone's Farm, dude.

Steal booze from our fucking older brothers. It's a mixer. It's a mixer, guys. No, we were trying to get Boone's Farm and get crumb. What is Boone's Farm? What are you talking about? Boone's Farm? I'm out.

It's like really sweet, like wine type, like juice. Are you talking about mead? No. Is this mead? Did you drink mead? It was like the introductory,

like drinking. It just tasted really good. Yeah, I've never drank mead. I just got a college student to buy me vodka. But you know what's funny at the end sort of the tail end of myspace existing when facebook kind of clobbered it with a hammer was it it was highly used uh by street gangs and this is oh that's cool yeah so it's like its final like use case was for people to just you know say i'm gonna i'm gonna pull up on you that's like

facebook now with cults with the stick no that's boone's farm you never had this shit what are the criminals doing they're just it comes in all the colors it's like five percent it looks like giving me 50 shield there's a lot of criminals on tiktok on tiktok yeah they post a lot of criminal activity oh yeah dude i've seen some of those like um yeah it's like cartel guys yeah you'll see like a cartel guy and i'll just be packing up a lot um, yeah, it's like cartel guys. Yeah, you'll see like a cartel guy I'll just be packing up a lot of cocaine. Yeah, and he's on cold and a cane shit. It's so cool And they're just posting it and I'm like, okay, it's cuz their regular social media is boring telegrams very closed Yeah, they want more people to see

Nobody's liking the posts in the signal chat. I don't think that's the case actually I think that they're they're in cartel they're young drug runners and cartels or whatever and they just have tiktok and they're just like this is like what i do i think it's more uh concert i think it's like uh because it's a branding thing because you want your cartel to be known that you're pushing a lot yeah you got you know you're packing heat isn't this the whole thing with like why they're down for like fucking vice to come down and make a documentary is like because it's cool they're like the notoriety i watched this one uh documentary on netflix a long time ago about like this this this british like sas guy who's like a special forces man who's killed people and he

just went and started talking to cartel people and like uh like dudes that ran with pablo escobar he's like so you just like killing i it's australian now for some reason and he's talking this translator is talking to this other like goon like this grunt of a cartel he's like he says he wants to kill you he's like why does he want to kill me he's like because he's like a motherfucker you look like the kind of guy that he's never killed before and he wants to kill you. That's crazy. He thinks it'd be cool. And then he looks over at him. The guy's just like smiling. It's crazy, dude.

Yeah. You said that interview thing going around about the cannibals. Yeah. I watched the thumbnail. Dude, I saw it because of Kony. Kony quote retweeted it and was like, this was one of my professors in college. Kony 20XX. Oh, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cum Fox. Yeah, Cum Fox said that. Yeah, I didn't see it, but apparently he got scared. Itoney 20XX. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cum Fox. Yeah, Cum Fox said that. Yeah, I didn't see it, but apparently he got scared. It was Beast, yeah. And then some guy was like, that guy weighs 110 pounds.

Let's just beat him. You gotta fight him. Yeah, that's the thing. We should go to that island. Which one? What? The one with all the cannibals. You know about this island?

The yard's special. The yard's special. But we go to the island. We hung out with cannibals Do we fight all the cannibals? Apparently this island is like Living in like the 1600s Oh yeah

They're like not societized Yes And then anyone who goes to the island Gets run up Done up by them Didn't this happen to someone's like Famous son? Yeah

Yeah Isn't this Isn't it off like the coast of India or something? Some And then they I want to roll up in the juggernaut Okay, I costume like what are you gonna do to me? Yeah, I'll just show them a phone Yeah, I think this is a lot when people pull a boat up on the beach They start coming out on the beach. These are slinging. Yeah slang it if you Yeah, I'm in the juggernaut costume

Yeah, I'm in the juggernaut costume. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Yeah. And you go. Yeah. And I'm like, hello, teach me your language and I'll teach you how to rap. I am a rapper. This is what we look like. You solve cannibalism through battle rap? Oh, yeah. Wow.

Dude, they would get over it so fast if they knew how to do it. They just need a new thing to be. Yeah. Honestly, you just show them like checkers and they'll be like dude this is so much less stressful

than killing and eating people among among us among us among us dude I want to go back and play chess for someone in like

1650 do you think you're nice I think I'd dust their ass right has the game I don't think so you think I'd just lose? Like some fucking dude with a powdered wig, trained his whole life?

Yeah, we're playing with like a board made of fucking dust and dirt and cheese. They don't got shit else to do back then, bro. I think I'd- Did the game change? The game has changed a lot with computers. I just wanna gambit. Not in terms of strategy, has the game- like have the paces and the movements changed over the years? They've patched in pawns moving.

Well, since the conception of the game, yes, but not since a very long time. The original chess is different. They've patched in en passant, and they've patched in pawns moving two spaces. They also just found stuff, like the Ruy Lopez, which is an opening, which came from a priest in Spain named Ruy Lopez. I like that you say, like, they found it, like it's V canceling. But it's more like they found wavedashing. They just found this opening that's kind of good.

And it's like a sound opening. Is it just like eventually that guy plays that set of moves for the first time? Is that kind of it? Well, it's less about playing it for the first time. It's more about like certain people in history play a certain set of moves all the time. That's their thing that they they're like working on developing lines of like you're trying to maximize the likelihood that you're in the lead most of the game and so over time it's like well if you play these subset of

moves like over time we realize you're usually in the lead dude and way back then presumably these are the people that the openings are getting like named after at one point a dude was like Oh the horse first and everyone was like Yeah, I want to go back in time and invent the caracan for black and say it's it's called the Ludwig Ogren is gay And then it was like no one knows why it's no no even knows who that We do not know who he is, but it is gay It is very good opening.

We are a strong defense. Very strong. Very gay, very strong. And then you get born in 1995. Right. So my mom hasn't heard about this, presumably. No, because she's too busy working. And nobody else was named after the opening.

There were many Ludwig Ogrens. Were there? But, you know, and maybe that's how, and you get named after that guy. After the opening. You get named after the chess genius, the bald chess genius that just appeared somewhere. It's you in the power way, you're not bald. Every fantasy for you just ends in you making me. And then you get born

and I travel back. And your name is Ludwig Ogren, but it's for a different reason. If we could time travel together as me and you, no one else is there. No. Where do you want to go?

Oh, Dubbin. We kill... Kill Hitler. Yeah, we kill Hitler. Really? Yeah, we squash his head like a fucking grape, brother. Before all this shit, too.

1938. Cut his fucking head off. We can't travel back with anything. We can't travel back with his head? And we travel back where we are. Wait, what do you say? So like this literal position? Yes.

So like you'd be floating in the air and fall to the ground? If this wasn't a building, yeah. And we'd live the fall, but... Okay, listen to me. And we'd go to Germany and kill Hitler? Rega Selecta, look. We would go and we would just... We'd go back like 10 years,

bet on the Super Bowl, and just get really rich. That's it. Dude, we're rich already. No, but like fucked up rich. You'd put like a stupid bet on it? We would just use the power of the past 10 years. Can I tell you something?

I think that would change the result of the Super Bowl. I think it would too power of the past 10 years. Can I tell you something? I think that would change the result of the Super Bowl. I think so too. I think so too. Because I think because if you put so much money it would change the odds the casino gave to future bettors

because they would just be over leveraged on one bet or something. They would but like And the Super Bowl is fixed. It is fixed. I do and I think that would change I think it is fixed. We'll just bet on stock options

like we can win. We can beat it. We can beat the game. If Nancy can do it think that would change it. I think it is fixed. We'll just bet on stock options. We can win. We can beat it. If Nancy can do it, you guys can do it. And Nancy doesn't even need a time machine. We travel back three years. Four years. Do we stop COVID?

Four years and three days. And we prepare. We get ready. We get ready. We get ready We get ready We get ready To celebrate I would just take Aiden Somewhere pretty

Oh And we'd look at it Like what What would be pretty Northern lights That You don't have to travel Long time ago

You don't have to travel Back in time to see it No but we had less smog Yeah I mean There's no smog We had less smog yeah I mean there's no smog and we had less 500 years ago and we'd see the smaller and the smog from LA travels everywhere just we know it covers the earth dude we should go back like 15

years and just play melee yeah just destroy and we didn't be the best doubles team of all it's just a fob and we're playing against And be the best doubles team of all time. It's like, oh, it's just a fob. And we're playing against, like, all the best players, and they keep saying slurs, and we're like, this is going to be not chill in a little bit. This is going to be not chill. You're allowed kind of to say that. I want to go back with the box controller to, like, the first Melee tournament ever.

They're just like, what the fuck is that? I'm like, I made it. I made it. What are you doing with your life? Also, I'm cheating with it. Also, I'm using Gizmo. Gizmo's gadgets. That would have got it banned. You go back, you're that good at Melee with that device. That's what I would it. What are you doing? Also, I'm cheating with it. Also, I'm using gizmos of gadgets. That would have got it banned.

You go back, you're that good at Melee with that device. That's what I would do. I would send like Steach back to TG4 and just watch society crumple. Just watch him eight stock literally every human being on the planet. Oh, man. I wish we could go back. Like Primer even. I'd take a Primer time machine.

I don't know what that means. It's just way more difficult than realistic. Does it kill you or something? It gives you nosebleeds. Okay. Why is that inherently more realistic? You're being an asshole. You are.

You're right. That was years and years of training. Of training him to just... The tree really sits on the nose now. Oh, man. My work is done, man. You're all right, white boy. I don't know where I'd go, actually.

On my time machine. I think I'd want to do something evil. Here's a question. Okay. Who do you go with? Me, Abin, or Duden? You wouldn't want... You'd just find a way to be at home anyways.

Like, you'd, like, go find a home and be there. Come on, dude. You would. You tell me if we're going to run up on a... You would be watching Saltburn the whole time. Saltburn? You'd watch the squid game of the 1600s. Like, you'd...

I don't know what that is. Like, rocks and a... You'd just, like... J don't know what that is like rocks and up you just like Jiggling and just like rocks in a little box. This is in play Amen take a with Aiden why you a min well you only go dub and every time we go on a trip He's in the hotel room. You don't go you wouldn't go me Go with me man. I wouldn't go with you you want to you why wouldn with me, man. I wouldn't go with you. Why wouldn't you want to explore me? Explain why.

You don't want to spend more time with him. Because I think if we went back in time together, I think you'd become some sort of royalty. Why? So fast. How would I become royal? Because you'd just rise so quick. And you wouldn't want to rise.

You'd rise the ranks so quick. But we would rise together. And then you'd look back and be like the music video for Handlebars by Flowbots. And we used to ride bikes together without our handlebars. He would keep you on your feet. And then he would rise to power. No, he wouldn't keep me.

We'd separate. I wouldn't keep you. No, he wouldn't keep me, bro. We'd separate. Me and Nick would go to the Italian countryside. We'd have this podcast. You'd be the French. We've risen together.

You'd be the French. You'd be hanging out with the French people. I'd hang out with the Italians. We'd hate each other. It's long ago. There's all these cliques. I am offended. I didn't mind that you picked Aiden, but now I'm offended.

I also think this is a bad reason because he would bring you along for the kingly ride. I would. And you guys would own like an entire country. Yeah. Why would you leave your dumb ass? Why would I go get a little coffee? You would wander off to like old Lichtenstein. He'd want to get a little coffee.

Dude, you'd be friends with so many prostitutes. But you wouldn't know that they were prostitutes You'd go just to chat Just a nice lady You'd just go and be like let's talk I don't want to get hepatitis Just a nice toothless woman Riddled by syphilis

And she thinks you're a giraffe Cause I drink my milk Cause the spirochetes are eating her brain And they're shorter back then You'd be the tallest human alive. You would be so tall. In what year is this? This is 1994.

1994? Ludwig would make it so that we all owned a big country. Why would he be wealthy in the past? Why would he be wealthy in the past? You're hungry for it. You would he be wealthy in the past? How would you get power? You're hungry for it. There's no YouTube. You would get power. The fuck are you talking about? You set a bunch of goals, and back then the goals were easy, right? It's like, you know, don't get scurvy.

Eat. Um, eat food. If I have food to eat tonight, uh, discover lightbulb. Like you would just do all that. I think back now more than ever, it is, like I guess back then it was more based off of just what you were born into right and you are you're the closest of all of us we'd go labor in the south

of France work the field I would if I was king make you labor I'd invent the skateboard with me no I'd make you labor could we get big you guys get big in the field. Dude, you could invent crack

before anyone thinks it's bad or before anyone has a weird relationship with drugs. You could even invent crack. Everyone would just do crack. Dude, crack would be fucked up. They would love that shit. They would love that shit. Dude, you go up to like King Louie you're like, bro, hit this.

I'm saying. Hey, hit this little ball of glass. You're gonna love you're like bro hit this I'm saying hey hit this little ball of glass So you're gonna love it. Just try it. I'm saying just try it hit this crack He's God Give this to the assembly in there, and they won't send you to the guillotine anymore Guys guys guys I have something I know you're mid Revolution and I know there's a lot of ideas, but try this. I would just work it into, like, religion. I'd be like, this is called God juice.

This is our God smoke. Now, smoke the holy God rock. It is sick that they were like, no, wine's actually really religious. I know. Jesus made it. They were just trying to have it all. He made it, and he also made weed and fucking, uh, fucking no protection. Oh, Jesus actually said we can still have slaves.

It was deep in there. Slaves and front shots. That was his thing. That was his thing. No protection. No protection. Oh, I'm sorry. Jesus said no protection.

Did you smoke opium with me? You asked this before. Like now or then? Right now? Right now. No. Really? No.

Thanks, zipper. It's an opiate. Is opium just cool for you? It's an opium. Wait, was that it? Was that a thumbs up? Oh, that was Zipper just agreeing. He puts a thumbs up emoji when we're done with the show.

You know what? I'll do opium with you. Really? If we do a lot of benzos and drink a bunch of alcohol after. Well, thank God we're on top of cigarettes anymore. Let's just do all the terrible ones that's a party why are you mad

why are you mad this is a dumb question why is it dumb it's a dumb fucking question I want to smoke why would I do opium with you opium in a pipe

it destroyed the nation of China what do you mean did it yeah they seem good to me bro they're doing pretty well it took a while

to get good again dude you know you were asking Dub and you were like what would you go back and do as YouTuber or whatever I What Would you go back And do As YouTuber Or whatever

I would want to go back And I would want to be I would want to invent Jackass the show And the movie And the idea I would I think that

Spoke to my heart In ways that I just Couldn't really find And I would I would be Smoking crack right now Like Ben Margera Do you

Do you befriend That same group And do it with them Or do you do it all On your own with your own people? Either one. I don't care. Could you do it? Just the idea.

What? Crack? No. Jackass. Yeah. Because it's like. You go in a border body. There's a high pain tolerance.

Oh, I'd do all that shit. It would just happen. Like. What do you mean? I don't know, man. I'm older now, so I don't do shit like this. Wait, it came out in 2000? Yeah bro

Dude that's crazy I was watching it Cause I wasn't watching it in 2000 Yeah you were watching the reruns I was probably watching it when I was like 9 or 10 Yeah and it got pulled off the air and shit like that I don't know it's just like That's what I would go back and like wish I guess I did You know what I mean?

I think I would go back and do Adult Swim. Yeah. I feel similarly. Yeah. Same shit, right? Yeah. I would go back and sell the opium to Ludwig. I would go back and smoke that shit. That shit? And I'd be fucking lit. One pull, the whole shit. It wouldn't be a problem for me.

He keeps saying, it's gonna take down China. And I'd be like, don't care. And you'd be like I feel good. I look good. I could run down a cheetah. What are you mad about? Something's off with you lately. I know!

Finally! Something's off with me guys. What is it? Is Nikki mortal? I don't know. Thank you Aiden. Now that you're now that you agree with what I say, I like you. You're showing up in football jerseys. March 21st. Tight jeans.

What's March 21st? It doesn't even know. I don't care. I don't care. That's bad. Okay. How did it turn on me? Yeah, all right. I go back to it. No, wait. How did it turn on me? Yeah, all right.

I'd go back to it. We were good. We were good. That's what I would do. There he goes. To YouTube viewers out there on the Art Podcast. Don't spit on them. I like them.

Unless you go to the Primo, in which case. Whoa. It's like that scene in Big Daddy. All right. We'll see you in the Primo, where Aiden will be your Big Daddy. I'm unbuttoning my sweater that scene in Big Daddy. All right. We'll see you in the primo where Aiden will be your Big Daddy. I'm unbuttoning my sweater. Okay, Big Daddy. Chill.

He's big for you. Goodbye. Goodbye.