The Yard - Ep. 132 - Asking Dumb Questions About Science w/ Hank Green

Episode Date: January 24, 2024

This week, the boys are joined by Hank Green! The boys discuss Hank's work on YouTube, Hank's spontaneous stand-up special, and the most terrifying scientific mysteries.

Intro Music Introducing... Hank Green! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, KING GREEN! Woooooooo! Woooooooo! That was the best descent. I do a lot of slides. That was the best descent of the slide we've ever had. There was like a finesse at the end. You guys gotta get a seven year old.

I think it's a hazard if we bring them here. I don't think we're allowed to have a seven year old. We can't have a seven year old. We looked into it. They're too expensive. It seven-year-old. We can't have a seven-year-old. We looked into it. Yeah. They're too expensive. It takes at least seven years. Otherwise, it's very bad. Otherwise, it's very illegal.

Yeah. No, there's other ways. Hank Green is here. Yeah. Why did you decide to come on our show? Why did you do this? We are all wondering. Somebody asked.

He's doing the hot girl thing. He's like, I guess I just didn't have anything else going on that night. And so I said yes to go on a date. I was coming to LA and I was on Twitter and I said, what should I do? And people were like, you should go in the yard. They helped. The people? Do you think that if it was only the yard account that tweeted at you and no other suggestions?

And once your reply says don't do it. account that tweeted at you and no other suggestions. And one Twitter reply says, don't do it. 17 people that are in the overlap of our Venn diagrams all messaged me and were like, do this. And that's a hard 17. That's crazy.

They're hooting like Sims right now. To those 17, you can check your Venmos. Each $1,000. Hank, can you go around and describe what you know about each one of Each $1,000. Hank, can you go around and describe what you know about each one of us? Oh, shit.

Yeah. I pulled up and I saw you and I was like, I think that's the guy from the podcast. Okay. And, which is good because otherwise

I would have been like, I need to leave this neighborhood immediately. Okay. Which is telling about kind of where we are. Luckily there's a lot of neighborhoods that could be. Yeah, yeah.

It's about 90% of Los Angeles. Yeah, and then I opened up your wiki and I was like, who's on the yard? In the car? No way! That's what took him so long! So I pulled in and then he pulls in and I'm like, oh there he is. And I wave and he waves in his car and he sits in his car. I'm waiting outside. I'm like I'm going to greet our guests. You stay in there?

Yeah, I just kind of sit. I was looking at the cats. He was looking, yeah he looked cool. I thought he was just like cool. I said cool. He was like chilling. Was his hat on or off? I don't know. Invasive question.

If you don't remember it it was on. Yes. It was on. You would have caught the reflection of the sun. I was like, they call you slime? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I.

You learned that seconds ago. This week he goes crazy. No, no. I watched the show. But that was like two weeks ago and I've done a lot of things since then. Okay. All right. You were doing a little bit of cramming. That's respectable.

Ludwig and I hung out once. We did. So that's fine was it memorable, okay If it was at a specific place, then I don't remember it was at the YouTube like Blood-boy meeting that was like it was like they rented the nicest place on earth and then they just do scavenger hunts. And they give you the nicest blood boys. Yes. Yeah, you guys smoked opium with Linus Tech Tips.

That's right. In the den. Yeah. That's what I heard. In the opium partner den. This is where Susan decided to quit, actually. Yeah. Opium den.

Yeah, so she saw Mark Rober do some stuff. She's like, I'm in the wrong business. This is not cool. I can't keep these secrets any longer. I have to go to something nice and talented. She just smoked the opium. She was like, I'm in the wrong business. This is not cool. I can't keep these secrets any longer. I have to go to something nice and talented. She just smoked the opium. She became blind.

I'm sorry. Nicest man on earth. There's pieces of peels, he seems. We like to, on this show, we like to make fun of people we've never met. And I'm realizing you've probably met a lot of them. I've met a lot of them. So we have to tread carefully. Interesting.

Because I can't say Mark Rober wears a diaper. You could. Unless he actually does. Unless he actually does or else it'd be libel. Yeah. It is.

Because you know him. Okay, I don't know if that's how that works, but okay. I think that's how the technical definition... But the thing is, you can say anyone

wears a diaper. True. You can say Hank Green wears a diaper. You can say Hank Green, the YouTuber, wears a diaper. Everyone has worn one say Hank Green wears a diaper. You can say Hank Green, the YouTuber, wears a diaper. Everyone's worn one. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Because, like, what is wears? Like, sometimes you wear a diaper. Right, right. And I, sometimes I wear a diaper. A lot of the days of your life, actually. Like, you're kind of minimizing it. A lot of the days of your life.

There's a big chunk. There's a huge, dare I say, a huge streak. A huge streak. It goes every day. I wore a diaper every. Every day. You were super into it. I was super into it. You've had busy week. You did stand up. I've been doing stand up all right, Tom.

What? Yeah. Yeah, that's why I'm here. That's beast mode. Okay, so I was doing research because I know you. I know you from Vlogbrothers. Yeah, I didn't get to your wiki page. That's okay. I don't have research because I know you I know you from You look at who stars on this podcast on on Apple podcast it doesn't even say my name it says Eamon Ross Do I had to change it and Ross's name my my phone because I had his name on my phone.

And when I go, hey Siri, call Aiden. Yeah. Three times. Oh my God. I'm just going to call Aiden. Stop! Oh my God. That's crazy.

That was the right one though. That was the right one. Because I changed it. I changed it because it used to be Aiden. But I was, I know you from Vlog Brothers. Oh wow. Which as a teenager, as a teenager, I often conflated with Rhett and Link admittedly sure yeah, I just two guys Visiting this thought last night, and I was thinking about it. It was like they don't even look like each other

They're just totally different people. This is the only reference he has. Getting a lot of Rhett and Link vibes from these two guys. John and I are also tall. Just not as tall. Have you ever met Rhett and Link? It's weird. You see them and you kind of think

that Link might be a little short because Rhett's so much taller than him, but it's like Link's 6'3 and Rhett's 6'7 or something. Tall. Diapers. They make their'7", or something. Tall. Diapers. You want to make their hair go up even higher? Scientists. That's what I think.

Tall diapers, scientists. What are we making a list of? Just like positive attributes. All my Halloween costumes. Things I'm into. I also know you from Vlogbrothers. It admittedly did wiki you again just to get a refresher in. I'm so sorry.

I, you know what? I did worse than you. This might sound insulting, I don't mean it to be. I thought your wiki would be longer. Okay. Wow. That was the meanest thing I've ever heard. I do want you to know that that physically hurts. That has to be a first. I thought the opposite.

My wiki is so long. It's quality over quantity. think so long this is this is why when you said stand up when you said stand up i was freaking out because i was like dude that's that's one thing that's another thing because the wiki you have like four youtube channels you do tiktok you've released a bunch of albums like you've made music really then you own a label you presumably do like executive work at companies and then you also do stand-up and then also i was digging through the channels and i was like this guy probably maybe he just owns or like manages these things you're in the videos on like crash course and scishow and stuff like that i'm like

when yeah when how do you do all this? Yeah, I mean, you skipped a couple things. The weird one that people always hit me with is people will be like, you started VidCon? Yeah. What? What the fuck is going on here? And then I also did write two novels. That that's the one that's like what the fuck

When did you fit it? People will be like I love your books and I'm like that's my brother and then I'm like, oh no it is me You mean my books God you're like a gamer that never gamed you just do other things Game in like 15 years God, you're like a gamer that never gamed. You just do other things. You might also. This is how he contextualizes things. I have not played a video game in like 15 years. That's it. What? That's it.

He's never gone to UrsaXM. That's the secret. That's the secret. The alpha males were right. Dude, if we get this going. Yeah, I've just been lifting the whole time. Yeah. And we waste our stupid time playing video game.

Yeah. I'm not even that good at Valorant. I've put in thousands of hours. I could have wrote two books. If we get you on Baldur's Gate 3, your entire career collapses. That would be so relaxing, honestly. That sounds great.

You leave it on your face, right now you're like, it looks nice. That's an option. What was the last video game? Do you remember it even? Oh, I mean I played There were blocks, they fall. I play like word games on my phone, but that's not what you mean.

Yeah, we're not talking about connections. I like watch my wife play Tears of the Kingdom. Does that count? Sometimes streams on. Streams on you watch. I play Minecraft with my son. Okay.

That's so adorable. That's so best. There it is. My dad didn't play shit with me. Yeah, my dad said video games were not good to do, and he would get mad at me and said, he's like, why don't you make money instead? And I was like, that's crazy.

There you are. I'm making money instead. Still playing video. I still go to Urzikstan, though. Yeah, but you're making money now, and you're not playing video games. So right now, you're making money instead of playing video games. High five to dad. Yeah.

Let's go. Give me that. You got to work out. I just like to get the inside. That's what I'm talking about. Okay, guys, do you think Hank has that shit on right now? I think so. Hank, I got to give you a rundown.

What? You're an asshole. I'm going to give you just a quick rundown cuz it's not in the wiki But it's like the quick recap of how you know everyone here. Mm-hmm. Yeah, Nick is our misogynist, okay? Okay Because of it but perhaps correlated our coolest member, okay I'm not gonna say because of it, but perhaps correlated, our coolest member. Okay. Okay. You should hold on.

Aiden is our most progressive member. Okay. And bisexual, which we have ran with, and we say so many things we shouldn't because of it. That's not true! Slime is mother. Slime is mother? I gotta turn off my phone. Leave it on on it's Clint

So that's us wait what are you you're just handsome and cool you didn't say yeah, wait, oh, yeah, you didn't do you You're just handsome and cool. You didn't say yeah. Oh, yeah, you didn't do you He's mother and daddy and I'm daddy Okay, but I'm asking you this because Because Hank had to look me up in his car. I'm revealing that he pulled this shirt out of his trunk with the tag on. I did. Dude. I'm not kidding. You're a cop.

I am a cop. You didn't, you didn't, just like I didn't comment on you waiting, you didn't comment on me ripping the tags off my shirt. But here we are. We were both very cool about it. And then we were like, let's fuck each other up as soon as the mic's going. What does that mean? Does that mean you have your own merch and you're you're pulling some out no i just bought

you just bought it yeah you buy it here i uh it's worse than that okay i i bought it online and had it shipped to my friend's house in glendale why because i wasn't gonna be anywhere any anywhere it wasn't gonna be it wasn't gonna get to my house in time What's wrong with the t-shirt? Well it's I didn't want Colin and Samir To think that I was sullying their brand By bringing it on the yard That was the first thing he said

He was like Colin and Samir said If you look like you're in an abandoned Like district of the city You know you're in the right place And I'm like That's what they said about our place? I don't know It might not have been them.

I've seen so many people in my past five days. They couldn't walk a mile in my country shoes. That's so true. And the whole time you'd be walking and they'd go, in Sooyong, Mr. Beast for a day? They're like, where's the air wand? I don't know how to buy my groceries. To LA.

They've changed. I need my food in a mason jar that I can keep. He's got that shit on. He's got that shit on? He's like when chess players start getting their

stream popping and they make money. That's how they start dressing. You got that shit on. I think you got a dad look and I think it's respectable. I'm kind of figuring out a dad look.

How old are you? 43. I know. I'm 33. Wow. 10 years from now. That would be bad. Whoa. I know. I'm 33. Wow. 10 years from now. That would be bad. Wow.

You get hair back. Your hair's going to come back. Does it come back? Tell me it comes back. I mean, there's ways. There's ways? You know, you've looked it up. That's the meanest thing anyone's ever said to you.

No, it's not, because he knows. Yeah, no, I'm starting to lose a little. Have you ever gone on that shit? I've thought about it. I've been on the Hymns. I took the Hymns quiz. Oh, yeah? Oh.

No free promo. Yeah, and then I got to the end of the quiz, and I was like, eh. I mean, you kind of clocked life already. If you answer right on the quiz, it gives you a flight to Turkey on Spirit Airlines. It's a free comp flight. Enjoy, brother. flight the turkey on spirit airlines it's a free comp flight enjoy brother wait what how old were you when you had kid and when we were like oh i should have kid i was well i guess i was 36 because i did math just now ish uh and i in like two years before that is when we were like we

should have kid maybe we should have kid and then we didn't have kid for like a year and we were like, we should have kid. Maybe we should have kid. And then we didn't have kid for like a year. And we were like, oh no. We didn't want kid. And then we were like, maybe we should have kid. And then we were like, you can't have kid. And we were like, now I want kid. How did you say I can't have kid? I want kid. And then it just happened.

We just did it at the right time, I guess. Just power of will yeah wow you're a grinder i'm realizing yeah we just we just really went at it for a couple years just clocking in clocking out are you telling people like oh we're trying no period i know i mean there were some people that had been through similar experiences in our lives and we talked to them about it sure yeah and now the kid is the light of your life and the most important thing in your whole world i mean yeah isn't that beautiful it's wild answer that one science man uh well that's sort of what the selective pressure would point toward is like preserve your genes not me you can't

i love my kid just because all the kids that I fathered through the sperm bank I don't give a shit about them I don't care about them I was going back through the vlogbrothers channel and I sorted by oldest because I actually started watching vlogbrothers I think in like 2009

2008 or something, I was really young and I was looking through all the videos and then I found a more recent video where you talk about why everyone's getting shingles I just wanted you to meet maybe I think it's cool because you're a scientist Yeah, you could meet one of a subject of this we got shingles in the room. It's crazy you looked at him You looked right at him, he was kind of near a shingles brother when you see one Because we didn't see it

Because episode 1 Episode 1 of the yard. Why do I give off shingles vibes? He made a noise. I'm very perceptive. Episode one of the yard is called Shingle Bells because Aiden had shingles at the time. For the first episode.

When? In 2021, summer of 2021. And we're still talking about it? I had shingles three times in a year. Yes, but he? What? Eight times? Yeah, I'm kind of fucked up. That's kind of beast mode.

Do you also have a subtle pattern of Hawaii across your side? Do you still have it? You can see kind of like a slight discoloration, I think, where it was. Did you scratch too hard, sweetheart? No. It just scars. These little pigment changes. It turned out I had lymphoma.

I thought that my immune system was super fucked up. And I was like, why do I keep getting shingles? And they were like, we don't know. And they were like, oh, you have cancer. That was the alarm bell? That was good. No. Because it alarmed you.

Actually, no, because I had super swollen lymph nodes. And they were like, it's probably because of the shingles. Oh, I can see. So it's bad. Yeah. I don't know if like i don't i actually don't know so there's a correlation between getting shingles and having lymphoma and they're not sure if it's because it could be it could be either way it could be that the shingles like activates your immune system and like the

precancerous cells are able to become cancerous or because you have the cancer you get shingles because your immune system's kind of screwed up. It could be either way. Or it could be that there's like a third thing that is causing both. Did you get the shingles on naughty part? No. Okay. The armpit counts. I don't know what you do.

It depends where we are. I have a question because you beat cancer, which is pretty sick. So far. So far. I guess it's always so far, right? Yeah, you too. Good job. My go.

Were you worried it wouldn't grow back? The hair? Yeah. Yeah. It's actually thinner than it was. Really? Yeah. Fuck, man.

I know. You cannot get ahead in this world. And curly. I got curly hair. Is that new? I had straight. No fucking way. Seriously?

Whoa. That's kind of cool. Yeah. Wait. How does that work? What is the science there? It's a very expensive perm. How does that, is that common?

Yeah, actually. So like when the damage, the hair falls out, obviously the hair follicles are getting damaged somehow. So like the, you wanna get into it? Oh yeah! The hairs are fucked up. So I thought that, before I got cancer, I thought hair got made by cells that sort of like oozed hair out of them.

That's what I thought. I wasn't even that sophisticated. There's like pooping out hair. But it turns out that there's like a conveyor belt of cells at the bottom. They're replicating really fast and they push up the cells above them. And as they get pushed up, they fill themselves up with keratin and then they eject their organelles and then they commit suicide. And then they dry out and they stick together and they become the hair.

Dude, we're so weird. I know. It's so gross. It's this big long stack of dead cells and they're like, that's so beautiful. But sometimes it smells good. It's pretty. All my dead suicide hairs. And when they... so like the cells

any fast replicating cells get killed by chemo and so the hair stops working right and then as it comes back like it comes back unevenly and also the follicle

might have changed shape and it's almost it's either that like the follicle so like there's actually debate because it's

not that important to do research on but we don't really uh so like there's actually debate because it's not that important to do research on but we don't really know so like it it is either that the the cells grow back unevenly and so they sort of like are growing on one side more than the other and that makes the hair curl or the shape of the follicle itself is producing uh a bend in the hair well you could just find this out right what you could just shave again you, right? You could. Just shave again. You gotta call a million? You can't shave. In like a year, it'll probably be back to normal.

Be straight again. That's so weird. What a cost. A what? A cost. C-O-S-T? To the self. It's kind of cool, actually. It's like a perk. You think so? Well, fuck you.

Yeah, you gonna press him on this one? He just fights about this issue a lot because he's just he doesn't have anything to fight over. Dude, it's hard. It's such a fucked up thing because you look it up. You mean the thinner or the curly? Wait, what are you talking about? The cost.

What's the cost? The cost is that you can't be the same as you wanted to be. about the cost what's the cost the cost is that you can't be the same as you wanted to yeah i get to like look in the mirror and be like well that's a different guy he's been through everything he's been through that's not fair can i be clear that you guys have not gone through similar situations can we lay that out we didn't make sure it's very clear to the audience. Do you think that's true? This is like what Fox News used to have debates, and they'd get like, it's some issue that's like 99% of people agree, and then they'd stack the deck like it was 50-50. They have the same amount of debates.

If you sit back really far from the graph, they look like they're the same height. Yeah, I'm the Fox News scarecrow man that they hired. No, look, man, when you look it up and it's like... You don't look that bald. Really? What? I mean, come on.

There's a lot of hair right here. You know how, like... He likes it. I mean, I think that if you just... I think you don't even need a hair transplant. I think you just need to be nash dried. I think this is the unique trigger phrase that unlocks the fourth dimension.

This is a big moment for me. No, but when you start losing your hair, it's like you read that the cause is like, oh, you have too much testosterone. And it's the one saving grace and you're kind of like, oh, I'm beast mode? It's too much. I guess that's right.

It's supposed to be a sign. So it's weird that we go that's right oh well it's supposed to be a sign so like it's weird that we go bald and the theory is that it's a sign of like

this is a person in the community who has wisdom that you can go to so like it's so like the way that you start being able to grow

facial hair when you're sexually mature is like hey I'm available for child making and wisdom losing your hair is like I'm not available available for child making. And wisdom. Losing your hair is like, I'm not available just for child

making, but also wisdom. But also trivia. I know a lot of facts. Knowing the PlayStation came out. So, ladies. You know a lot of facts and I was not a Vlogbrothers enjoyer, but I am a modern day Hank

TikTok random fact pee out cancer enjoyer. Thank you. And I was not a vlog brothers enjoyer, but I am a modern day Hank tick tock random fact pee out cancer enjoyer. Thank you. Uh, and, and I was curious, do you have like a certain weight on what is important to know or not important to know, or is it all flat and knowing anything is kind of cool. Knowing anything is kind of cool for sure. I mean, I think that like we, in our society, like we've got a cultural set of expectations for what counts as useful, interesting fact, which is completely made up you know yes it'd be totally different things

but you seem to be very good at finding what we value yeah that's yes that's kind of the job how do you find it well i mean i you make a lot of content you see what works you like you follow your own curiosity but then you find the places where you're different from the average person yeah and then you go from there and i try to keep my eye on that you know because people like as i get older i have to be aware that things that i've known for a long time and don't seem that interesting to me might be something that's very new and exciting to somebody who's not me i have a new tiktok generation who hasn't hasn't learned it yet it's great yeah i can use old facts i think i've made a video 10 years ago and i'm like this is why the earth is not flat actually redheads have a higher tolerance to pain and i made that special video 10 years ago but

but tiktok's like oh wow all the redheads will love that one yeah yes it does come around again you're definitely the first guest that we've had that can explain how a hair follicle works. Maybe. No, definitely. I think Amber could have got that. This is so fun. Give her enough time.

We've asked a lot of questions on this show before that we've never had a scientist for. This is actually the best moment. So, like, batteries. Yeah, what about batteries? Dude. Dude. Wow.

Don't tell about batteries. He just thinks they're magic. And he's a smart guy. Look. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, what about it? Dude! Dude! Don't tell about batteries, Mark. He just thinks they're magic. And he's a smart guy. You know what I'm saying? That's what I'm saying! He's a scientist! Fuck. Do you think Dr. Mario is a real doctor?

I mean, no. He seems like he's got... If he is he's gonna lose his license. Go to sleep. He's gonna lose his license. Go to bed. He's just throwing pills. You're a child. You are a child.

He's a real doctor. He's like one of those Florida doctors that you go to. And we can move on. There's that kid in Florida who pretends to be a doctor. I was three to one on that. Oh shit. I was three to one on that. I was three to one on that.

I was three to one on that. I was three to one on that. I was three to one on that. I was three to one on that. I was three to one on that. I was three to one on that. I was three to a kid in Florida who pretends to be a doctor. I was 3-1 on that. Oh shit. I was 3-1 on that. This is a lot of points for misogyny. It's fucking dumb.

You picked the side of misogyny. Who else aren't dumb? I... Just cause he's got that little thing on his head. When have you seen an actual doctor? With a mirror on their head. What have you seen an actual doctor? It's Mario he's at a long and storied career he's certified in other things Mario is a plumber who's also a drug dealer. I was a plumber a month ago.

All right, time for your surgery. We're going to open you up now. That's awesome. My girlfriend's little brother was saying that you were the Bill Nye of his class. Do you get that a lot? Because I saw that today. When they watched science content, they were watching Crash Course. Yeah.

And I learned that. Because I had Bill Nye when I was in school, and I was like, that blows my fucking mind. You're aware of this, correct? Yeah. I accept it. But I mean, my perspective is like, the great thing about now is that there's so many different Bill Nyes, you know? There's like so many people who get to do it, instead of like, TV was, if you got a show,

there was Mr. Wizard, and then there was Beakman, and then there was Bill Nye. It was in order. And now we have Wendover Productions. Yeah, we have Wendover Productions. We got one person who just does shark stuff. It's a lot of specialists. Yeah, all over the place. You know the first time I encountered you as a content

creator? Because I don't watch a lot of stuff. I actually get made fun of by these guys a lot. We'll have a guest on. I don't really know what they do. He never knows who our guest is. But I think that keeps me fresh. He had never seen a Mr. Beast video when we had him on our show. That is true. I may never have watched one all

the way through. You're kind of cool for that. Well, there we go. It's weird that he's cool for that and we don't like him for that, isn't it? I definitely watched the beginning of them. I'm like, this is using a lot of interesting techniques. He's like, why? And it's not for me specifically. Yeah, I just get scared. So that's probably the difference.

Like a lot of creators, I'm like into Jimmy as like a professional. I'm like Taylor Swift. I'm like, I love the way that she manages community. And I'm like, her songs are probably good. I don't know. Harry Styles, I love his stage presence. I love the way that he like communicates with his audience. I'm like, I don't want to watch him do a song.

I want to watch him like make people feel, you know? I want to say a really nice thing to me right before I fall asleep. You like the three points. What you like? You like his three point percentage. You're like, it's just special the way he puts the basket. Yeah, it's amazing. Yeah.

It's like I don't watch basketball, but I will watch Steph Curry hit his hit basket. Yeah. Speaking of being scared, I so i had this rabbit hole it was like during covid i really wanted to know how electricity worked so i start looking up youtube videos okay and then i look at electricity i'm like that's crazy i don't really understand that and then i was like well how computers work then i looked up transistors and then silicon yeah and semiconductors you're gonna be steve jobs no time. And I was like, I said that too. Halfway there. And so, and I'm watching this and I'm like, okay, so the atoms, and then

they do this, and I'm like, wait, what are atoms? How does that work? And then I arrived to your video. Huh. Where you're explaining. You're like, we have to start at the stop. I literally did. I went all the way down. I'm like, well, I need to understand atoms to understand semiconductors. There's quarks and hankering. That's what I'm saying. And I to understand atoms to understand semiconductors there's quarks and hank green and I look

and it's you explaining how cause I'm like something's gotta make sense here why is it why is chemistry at the basis of just these little circles I thought you guys were just gonna ask me if I was circumcised honestly that's fine we'll do chemistry

what do I find with a video of you explaining how no one really knows. And that's kind of beautiful. Oh sure. And it's like music. And I thought that was a very beautiful way to think about it. But let me tell you Hank Green, I'm still scared. What? It just doesn't make sense.

Well why is that scary? I don't know! Because I learned about atoms and I learned they're in my skin, I get scared. They're in my skin! How are they not touching, but it's touching? It's all, it doesn't need, they don't need to touch. They don't need to touch. Touching is a you thing.

Touching is, that touching is a thing that you think about. It's not a thing that atoms need. They don't think about it. Yeah, they just don't, atoms don't think about touching. They don't think about touching. How? They're just, they're, but there's forces and everything's being held together by the forces.

You're not, you don't have to worry about exploding, losing parts or anything except for the hair. Okay, yeah. Are they watching in there? That's a, that's a proper producer.

Man, I've been eating nothing but jelly donuts all day for three days straight. Yeah, why? Dude, you look bad. That's because it's one of Factor's 40 different nutritious meal options.

You can get the triple jelly donut option. Let's talk about Factor's fresh, never frozen, ready to eat meals. Two minutes in the microwave. Breakfast, jelly donuts. Lunch, jelly donuts. Dinner, jelly donuts. Maybe you can heat that one up.

They don't do that. They have keto jelly donuts. Gallery Smart jelly donuts. Maybe you can heat that one up. They don't do that. They have keto jelly donuts, calorie smart jelly donuts, vegan and veggie jelly donuts, and protein plus maple bars. Meals are pretending to be everything. 30 grams of protein. Two juice and a lie.

It's actually just all donuts now. It says 55 plus weekly add-on options, but I think it's just 50 donuts that you can get. Love it. Reel them in. Reel them in. No, I'll just got to let them run out of steam. All right.

He's all tuckered out. And if you want your donuts, you go to factormeals.com slash the yard 50 and use the code yard 50 to give 50% off the jelly donuts that you won't stop eating. They specifically create healthy meals that can be made in two minutes. They drop that. They drop keto meals.

This is the old slide. It's just the thing. They don't do that anymore. They changed the whole business model. They changed it all. Don't you get it? It used to be healthy, different meal options. It used to be really healthy, easy to make meals.

These people don't buy healthy food. It's just, what if we sold them donuts? Right, what else? This is all true, and thank you very much for the last sponsor, Factor. And sorry to kill me out. Wait, wait, there's a code. Oh, Aiden read the code, and he said it's the donut code. It's the code to yard50 atiden read the code and he said it's the donut code. It's the code TheYard50 at factormeals.com slash TheYard50 to get 50% off your first dozen.

Of donuts. Your first dozen. America's number one ready-to-eat meal kit. They left that part to say, which is weird, but. Because it's not a kit. It's not really a kit. It's just a donut. Crack it open.

It's just soaking. You don't even have to put it in the microwave anymore. You just put it. So Factor, we can probably look at all the other reads we've done for you and maybe call it even. And yeah, I guess I'm going to go back to the episode. If you don't want to pay us, we get it. I wouldn't blame you. It's cool.

This one was kind of, I guess, for us. I don't know. I don't know why I'm here. Let's go back. Can you explain the basis, the basic fundamentals of existence in a brisk way without making me scared. Go. I'll give you a quick break. While you think about it, are you cut or uncut?

That's actually a complicated question, so I'm going to stick with this one. This one was easier. That was scary. Sorry. And I'm scared easily. Yeah, I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to not scare you. Scare him.

Just scare him. I mean, we don't know, obviously. Like, there's a lot. Like, I think that there's, like, potentially an equal number of things that we know and don't know. You know, it's like we know a lot of stuff, but we're still constantly in the process of figuring new things out which is really cool and like we have a bunch of new tools with which to figure stuff out and it's gonna keep happening which is why like being 43 is the process of like really going from uh science is like a body of the things that we know to being like no science is the tools that we use to figure things

out and it is still in progress like still very much in progress so i've like so much has changed since i was in college even where like i couldn't teach you uh biology the same way i learned it it would be wrong in in some way there'd be pieces of it that are really important that we just didn't know back then um and uh so but i mean if things can exist they exist that's a big one but like d like at the base of it we don't know why stuff exists yeah and that's like really weird we don't they're like no there doesn't seem to be any particular reason why this is a universe that has stuff versus a universe that that has nothing i'm glad we're on the same page but like obviously stuff can exist or because it does and so and you know i i've been saying the opposite i think he's got me on this one touch it do you think that nothing

exists no i've no i think things exist yeah and and like that's like and if things can and like the the big like cool part of of the part of the world like the universe that we are in is that this thing like happened with chemistry where uh like things that were able like there was more of any chemical that was able to make more of itself which makes sense right like if you can make if it can make more of itself there will be more of it yes like, that just kept happening until cells happened. And cells just kept happening until, and we have Xbox.

And then there's a Sonic Doctor and then there's Xbox and then there's an Urzik stand and we could drop down and we play Warzone and we loot and then maybe we get ninth. My games are always worse

than my opponents. But it was cool because we learned so much because a hundred years ago we were so dumb and we gave cigarettes to babies to get stronger. A hundred years ago we found were so dumb and we gave cigarettes to babies to get stronger. 100 years ago, we found out the fundamentals of existence and it freaked everyone out.

And William Faulkner got freaked the fuck out and wrote a bunch of weird stuff. Okay. I didn't know that's what happened to William Faulkner. That's what happened. Everyone was losing their mind. But I think in 100 years from now, we'll be like, oh, we were dumb 100 years ago. I think it's a bell curve. Because I look back like a thousand years and I'm like, damn, they can paint. And I'm like, I'm looking at people now and I'm like, we're

making TikToks, who cares? We can still paint. I don't know. We just paint like that, bro. I go to the Getty. I'm not looking up and I'm like, dude, that's crazy. No, no one cares. Cause you go on TikTok, you'll see a live stream and it's painting seven famous people at once with my hands and my toes and my butt cheeks. It's pretty cool. And then it's got like 30, 30 viewers. It's got 30 viewers and then you just swipe one more and it's like peeling an egg. 10,000 viewers. It's like, oh, we can do it. No one gives a shit.

Yeah. Yeah. I think we can do it. No one gives a shit. I think it's about like, we, we, we always want to be doing something different and you have to like know so much to see what's different sometimes. Like I'm really interested in like the science fiction novels that are written for science fiction fans versus the science fiction novels that are super popular. They're all very different because if you're like a super fan of a thing, you know all the tropes. You know all the things. You want expectations to be subverted more yeah yeah whereas if you want to write like a really poppy thing you can't be subverting expectations all the time because people are like i thought what this is not what i thought was gonna happen yeah and they throw the book at the wall i thought this

was gonna explain batteries to me what's your go-to like you have someone who isn't interested in science and they kind of want to be or they're asking a question what's your go-to like you have someone who isn't interested in science and they kind of want to be or they're asking a question what's your go-to like realm of thinking of thing to explain to them that's like i'm gonna break your brain i should have slept more for me for me it was like learning about like aluminum and heat transfer and how ice melts on it faster like when i learned it the first time i was like, that's crazy Why does that fucking happen? Yeah, I mean I think like a big one of my big unlocks is that air is stuff Like we all know that air is done like you stuck your hand out a car window

Like right? Yes More stuff there. Yeah, right like it's air much stuff that if you like shoot a spacecraft at Mars Which doesn't have very much air at all and you just like go straight to the atmosphere. It'll like explode Like but it's like hitting like hitting a planet of air. It's because it's too fast wait what? In space In space? Computer, rewind. No, like, Steelo.

Steelo Brim. Steelo Brim. Bring that back. You're saying when you enter Mars' atmosphere you explode on it? You have to like hit it right. I could do it. Mark Wahlberg could bring it to the next. Mark Wahlberg would hit it right.

Mark Wahlberg could hit it right. He could get us there. Or he could give him his F-16. So you'd like slow down enough? I feel like Mark Rober would do a better job than Mark Wahlberg. The buddy cop duo. Look, TV guy, I got a show for you. Mark V. Mark.

It's a TV show where they pin them together in various tasks. They send him to Mars with oxygen only enough for one man. There's some science about right now for... I don't really know why this is important, but if you put hyperoxygenated fluid into a person's rectum,

it can help them need less oxygen during certain circumstances where you can't ventilate their lungs. Aiden. Oh. Aiden, we're going to need you to... We're going to need you to take some hyperoxidized fluid in your ass. You know a guy, right? Because it's really audience dependent.

I felt like that was the fact that this particular audience Is this just whippets? This is just Whippets in your ass? Look at me. Look what I'm wearing. His zipper does. It makes me feel like

you don't know what whippets are which I think is good news you said circumstances which reminded me of a different word okay yeah so why don't we

circum back yeah to how is it complicated well so one time I was at the doctor okay

and he asked me and we had just done the stuff without the pants. Okay. What? You fucked your doctor? It's like a power dynamic thing. That's not allowed.

But even on YouTube this long they give you certain coverage. And he, and he said, are you circumcised? And I was like, well, I feel like you would know. Yeah. While he's down there, he asked you that question? Yeah. I feel like he should know. Exactly.

Okay. I'm getting a new doctor, I think, in that situation. Or you could have been told by your mother at a previous time, years before, you had been asked, does it, like, look normal? And I'm like, I think so. And she was like, because they said that they, like, went halfsies. What? No.

They went any or an outie? Yeah. You have the middle. They went Dutch on your shit. Yeah, like, they had to for some reason. Like, there was a reason Why they couldn't do the whole This is experimental doctor stuff

I know And I thought Like look I thought I thought it was totally normal And I think that it looks normal Yeah The doctor

And it gets the job done You got kid The doctor takes the blood Out of his mouth He's like guys Check out this shit Everyone's crowding around Whoa

It's like what if What if shit everyone's crying whoa it's like what if what if we like maybe like going all the way like circumstances are not medically necessary right but what if like what if you like have to do it like but what if it's like well we won't still like you still want to do it but like not like why not just go ahead i i can only what i'm and and i like i don't know like i honestly don't know if it was like a mistake or, but like, or artistic decision. I'm just this close to asking to see your penis right now. It's like, it would conclude everything. If you were like growing up and you would like, I don't know, see porn or something

like any young man would, where you're like, huh? Well, it's no. Okay. Uh, I think that it only looks different when it's not hard. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And in porn, it's not like that.

I don't see a lot of soft penis porn. Well, okay. It's not my particular. It's a big subgenre. We'll just end it with one final question. Which half of the room would you like to align with? Oh my God. You have to pick!

Because the first person to pick the half of the room. I was gonna say he might be uniting the tribes right now and maybe the battle is- There it is! Maybe the war is over. No. The war is over. This is Christmas World War One. It's a temporary ceasefire.

Christmas Day World War One. I don't respect Christmas. I'm down. For one day. Just for one day. A reluctant alliance. I'm gonna introduce it. We're joining something. A reluctant alliance. I'm going to introduce it. We're joining something.

It's called the League of Nations, and it's going to solve all conflict going forward. It's going to be amazing. Everyone is going to listen. And my nation that I'm a part of is going to join it immediately. Dylan has a history on the podcast, too. Yeah, so we're kind of smart. These guys are the history buffs. I do like history. I do. I have a science on the podcast. Yeah, so we're kind of smart. These guys are the history

boss. I do like history. I have a science question for you. Do you know who Tarek is? Tarek's the professional gamer streamer. We had him on last week and I asked him this question. He couldn't answer it. Okay. Which is why can't you go smaller

than the plank distance? I don't know. You asked Herrick that? No. I was like, that'd be crazy. Oh, he didn't know. What does that mean? It's a math thing, and I don't know what it... The plank is the smallest amount of measurement that something can be.

But why can't you... It's because nobody came up with a name yet. But why can't you... For the next thing. No, no, no, it's not that. I do know that at least. Like our current understanding, there's like some reason

why you can't cut a plank length in half and have it be like a physical unit of the universe. Yeah. You're reaching the same end that I did with semiconductors.

Now you're about to experience the terror of existence and how nothing's touching. Why is it terrifying? I don't know! Because there's just so many planks, Ludwig. But why can't it be more of something else? I think what's upsetting about it is that we have an experience of the world. You know?

Like, touching exists. It does. Touch him. But it also doesn't. The thing that we think of as touching isn't like particles touching. Oh, you're like not actually touching, right? Yeah. Yeah.

There's, yeah. I mean, it's just, you're like the electromagnetic forces are pushing against each other. They're playing the I'm not touching you game at all times. Yeah. And winning. So existence is malicious compliance. A little bit. But it's fine. It doesn't change your subjective experience. at all times. And winning. So existence is malicious compliance. A little bit.

But it's fine. It doesn't change your subjective experience. What if the horror of knowing changes my subjective experience? Oh, well, that's a you problem.

But you also don't know. You don't have to know. Well, we didn't used to know. It was a long time that we didn't know. And then suddenly we did. Life was simpler. We always thought we kind of knew a lot though. Don't we always think we know a lot? Yeah, we had some great stories. Like I know for a fact you're wearing a diaper right now.

They put Aristotle in jail for that. Yeah, him and Hunnid peed. There's a little bag next to you. Can you pass it around? Or just pass it to me? Okay. I was at a show. I did a show last night.

And at the venue, this woman who owned the theater was like, I bought too much chocolate. Each one of these chocolates is $2. And they're're from France and I have a whole warehouse full of them And I was like well that was it seems like a large mistake warehouse full I don't I don't know if she meant a whole warehouse, but this isn't it Like you get everybody if you would like a Chocolate is a great nation of France. Yeah, you know what about this chocolate? It doesn't exist. So that's cool. Oh, yeah This is like watching The Matrix again, but It was actually style boss

Local region Yeah, it has to come from the region You can't legally this is so fancy. Why is it shaped like a... It should look like a Lego foot. It's a mini ramp. Two dollars a candy. I can tell you what it is. Hey, food review. We're doing a mukbang. I think they're all different from each other. 14 Bastille Day.

Welcome back to the Epic Yard food review. You guys know so much. I just know a little bit about French in France, but I don't know much about anything. But I also don't like knowing stuff. He does not speak as a language. He only speaks in an accent. I think that probably the difference between

a person who knows a lot and a person who knows a little is probably like 1% of the facts between the two of them. Do you think it comes down to that? I think that most people probably know exactly the same amount. Ain't there some quote who's like, some smart dude, and he's like, you know,

you're actually kind of goaded when you know that you don't know a lot. And that's cooler than either being smart or being dumb and thinking you know a lot. This is Dunning-Kruger, right? No. No, no. It's the power to accept that which you cannot chain.

You're doing the AA slogan. Cat in a box. Yeah. It's like there. And it's there. And you feed it chocolate. You're talking about the guy who doused himself in lemon and tried to rob a bank because he thought it would make you turn invisible. And then the part where there's only one set of footsteps in the sand.

That's when I was carrying you. I'm... I'm lost. This guy's good. Is this spicy? Mine is, yeah. Mine's spicy. There's different ones. Mine's not spicy. Mine tastes like a...

It's a... Chili luge. Chili luge. Chili luge. Do you... Okay, this is... You made me... You made me think about something.

Do you... do you okay this is you made me you made me think about something do you because you don't seem to have a fear of the fact that you that these things aren't known or maybe some things are unknowable in that sense but like when i was a kid i used to be really really into astronomy and i would get sad when i i could not know something or i could not witness something no matter how ridiculous it was so you know how there's like those red giant, super giant stars that like burn really fast and they die a lot faster? And we can see them in the past because of how long light takes to travel. And then I found out that in like the present day, there's very likely like none of those

left because they've all burned out well not because so much time has passed there's probably i think there's new ones being formed that we can't see still i think so and then but there will be a time when like those those ones can't even exist anymore yeah there will be a time when stars like ours can't exist anymore yeah and then and then nine-year-old aiden found that out in a book yeah, and I was really sad Do that like those stars wouldn't get to exist anymore? Yeah You were recording Call of Duty with your hop hog

27 years old. Oh my god, I was 13. What were you using the HD PVR for? I made video game videos back in the day. I had a channel called Hank Games. Hank Games. Hank Games would play like Mario. Hell yeah.

I'd probably watch this at some point. Did you always just have it in you to want to put stuff out? I feel like that's sort of antithesis to being a nerd. Why do you put out so much? Which kind of thing? You know what I'm saying? You seem to have always desired an audience to do something. I don't think that's not a nerd thing. Well, no, what I'm saying is that that isn't a nerd thing or you're saying it's not not a nerd thing

It's not not a nerd thing interesting. You're a nerd right? I'm an I don't know. Yeah, show me your bicep. Oh Never mind Of course I am my Yeah in high school what the fuck yeah I played Final Fantasy I'm wearing a shirt

with cloud on it from Final Fantasy from McDonald's this is a Final Fantasy McDonald's show here's my guess I think maybe classically it's been

harder for nerds to find each other but the internet has made it easier yeah that was certainly a thing for sure

but you have that feeling inside you I love making stuff I love I mean I loved in like middle school I loved being in front of an audience

I was a huge nerd and people bullied me but I was like funny on stage and that was like where people felt like i would feel in charge and in control and comedy is like that where it's like i when it's going well everybody in the room you're like conducting them like an orchestra yeah yeah they want to laugh they want to be there yeah they want to be there but they but they don't but you also can make them do things they don't want to do like you can make them feel sad and then make them laugh about feeling sad yeah you can make them feel uncomfortable about death or about like the size of the universe and then you can make them laugh about it yeah yeah i remember i think dan harman had a quote he like, when you're the funny guy in high school,

you don't get a girlfriend, but you get invited to all the parties. I thought that was pretty funny. Yeah. Because I think that's a pretty common experience for the funny guy or whatever. Yeah, I don't know. Girls liked me, okay, in high school.

Because you're tall as fuck, dude. Yeah, she could be. And you're handsome. She could. Yeah, I was surprised that I was cute Yeah When were you surprised You just looked in the mirror

I looked in the mirror and I was like That guy's not cute But girls would be like We should kiss Wow Okay I was cute I mean

I mean, the audience was... I didn't come up and be like, we should... I mean, I was like... I like write notes to girls and be like... I was... You hound? You dog! I agree.

I was like, in high school, you write a note to a girl and she'll either ignore it or not. That's such a scientist way to think about it. I'm collecting data. I mean, it's terrifying. How it I'm collecting data it was terrifying it was terrifying hypothesis your phone number has seven digits

that'd be great that's a great line I would use that you hit me up whenever you need okay I had exactly one girlfriend

in high school can I ask you a sensitive question can we get sensitive we won't laugh why are you looking school. Can I ask you a sensitive question? Can we get sensitive? We won't laugh. Why are you looking down all of a sudden? Yeah, you know, I think you're going to not. Don't laugh.

Okay. What, Aiden? What? I'm laughing at something. It's funny back there. I'm a puppet animal. So I didn't know about you or your brother for a long time until I was on Tumblr. Oh, no.

Oh, this is going to... I'm excited. And there was a post that your brother made on his Tumblr account, which got changed and actually changed the rules of the website because of it. We could talk about this for at least an hour if you want, but let's go. We don't need to. site because of it. We could talk about this for at least an hour if you want, but let's go. We don't need to, but

I will say, I have I was on Tumblr so much that I ended up memorizing that just from seeing it so much. So what they did for context. Like the whole paragraph? Yeah. Wow. Not just the first line, which is also in here. The second line

is probably the funniest one, which is balls smell amazing yeah but but basically can you recite a little bit of it for us uh cock is one of my favorite tastes not only that but balls smell amazing oh i i don't i didn't get that part you're like okay he's got something he made it he made a post and then you could reblog on tumblr and someone change it to this copypasta about really just loving cum in your mouth or something. And it was very crass. And John Green got clowned for it incessantly.

And that's all I knew. I was like, that's the guy that happened to. Wow. That's it. Wow. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. Like that's 100% of the John Green facts you know?

Yes. And then later on, I learned he wrote books, and I was like, okay. That's it. Wow. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. Like that's a hundred percent of the John Green facts you know? Yes. And then later on I learned he wrote books and I was like, okay. And I was like- Yeah. Like a really famous book. I was like, those books probably suck. Like everything was colored from that experience.

What's crazy, what's crazy, that book, Fallen Ars Ars, starts with the same paragraph. So, I mean, you're not him, but like- All of our research is the same paragraph. So, I mean, you're not him, but, like, can you, what is that like from your perspective? Yeah. So, first of all, the mythology is that because this happened, Tumblr changed the website. Yes. Which is not true. Okay. website yes which is not true okay the like like obviously that's a flaw if you can make the thing make it look like somebody said something else yes so they were working on a product to fix that

thing already when this happened because it was happening more and more okay it's also happening on twitter with the old quote the quote retweet oh yeah right quote retweets you just change it it would literally just fucking copy and paste their text. Oh, yeah. And then you just write whatever else. Yeah, okay.

Yeah. So that, you know, people, like, there were people who were really mad at John for being upset about it and that,

and like writing to the guy who ran Tumblr and changing the website and making it not fun anymore. And that, I didn't like. I'm like, don't be mad at a guy for anymore and that i didn't like i'm like don't be mad at a guy for doing a thing that didn't literally happen so none of that happened and he was catching shit for it so he got shit for that but the it was really weird because it became

such a thing and so here's here's how i'd like to think about when i was in high school i hated dave matthews band but not because i didn't like their music because the people who hated me loved dave matthews band okay and uh and so like me and my friends because we were a little outcast what'd you like kmfdm uh i didn't hate kmfdm these yeah uh we listened to like punk and ska and like girl rock okay like garbage and shit the band garbage sorry go ahead

and we would say some shit about Dave Matthews right but we didn't have any way to say some shit about Dave Matthews in a way in a way dave matthews would ever see it uh and then to be dave matthews in the situation where like you have a relationship with the platform and you like are doing a thing and then people are like i want to kind of define myself in opposition to like this cultural institution which is a man it's uncomfortable yeah and like it's and like it's uncomfortable even hearing that like the only like that your thought was oh the the cock is my

favorite taste guy he must rate bad books right yeah like that's the the consequence of this access yeah yeah super it's super weird and it's like but like also i see it as like a you know and the scale of the problems of the internet, a fairly minor inconvenience. Sure. Isn't it so weird that like 2007, we're like goof around on YouTube. And then like 2008, it's like, everybody's having so much fun. 2010, it's like, it's the goof times. 2014, goof, goof, goof, goof, goof.

2024, it's like the world might end because of this thing. Yeah. Yeah. You see the first like realistic joe biden ai video and you're like uh-oh yeah that's bad yeah it's like youtube was like how are we gonna make this platform more compelling i don't know we'll like create systems that make algorithms that like give people content that they're more likely to spend a lot of time watching and it's like oh like we're not like looking at what's in those videos so like some turns out that

like fake shit and moral outrage is like the best way to do it yeah now everybody hates each other and then let's put everybody in a box for two years so they think that everybody nearby them might kill them with the disease and then see how that goes that well that makes me pessimistic because it's like you said the difference between someone knowing and not knowing random two people is like one percent but to me it doesn't feel that way i feel like isolated from people who like don't know or don't understand that like the cock is my favorite taste is a wrong thing because it's ultimately making fun of homosexuality or something right right yeah and i i feel alone a lot of the times because of that because they're so like because there's millions of people clicking a video that says actually're so like because there's millions of people

clicking a video that says actually like if you're woke you're gay and yeah plus ratio yeah yeah i i think that the internet is really good at finding the the differences and magnifying them you know i saw a tweet this morning that was like it pulled a a tweet that was like we today we remember vladimir lenin and how great he was. And somebody retweeted it and it was like, how can we forget the lessons of history? Millions of people, like Lenin killed them. And I'm like, this tweet that you pulled out of nowhere had like 50 likes. Yeah.

It's not like a common belief among Democrats that Lenin was dope. People do love doing that. Yeah, and it's just like, we're so good at like, the filter bubble was supposed to be like, you can't hear people outside, but it became, you can only hear the craziest motherfuckers

from outside. Well, I think quote retweet culture is one of the worst parts of twitter.com. Yeah. And I have a question for you as an avid twitter.com user and also for whatever reason, threads user still.

Yeah, I'm loving it. I get notifications still and it is Hank green posted a thread turn off See my threads cuz they're great. I don't I close your fucking eyes then lowbrow I haven't opened the app, but I like to keep up. Okay, so why do you still use Twitter so much? it's just a it's just an addiction. It's like, I, I mean, so there's two reasons. One, sometimes I can't stop myself and I have a thought and I want to see if people will laugh at my joke or I want to see people will think about my thought.

I like to call this the cookie. Cookie. It's a cookie and you want it. I just want a cookie. I want a cookie. I want a little treat. I want a little treat. I a little treat i mean get abused by strangers uh so there's that piece of it and then there's the piece of it where it's like

it's functionally useful to me like it's useful for selling tickets to shows useful for selling charity products useful for letting people know about new things we're doing was the show sold out on tuesday it was yeah yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, I don't have any not sold out shows at this tour. Fuck yeah. Because that's the show you did within 24 hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the comedy show I was going to canceled and I booked the venue.

Yeah. That's some crazy shit. That is, you shut down the Gucci store. What if we got some sort of program, some sort of app that allowed us to learn how to tell Shake Drizzle that are money long? A little bit with the phone, I like that. A little bit with the phone!

You know what you could use? You could use Babble. Okay, I'm with that. Which if you don't know, is an app to learn language, quick 10 minute lessons. Over 150 language experts, they got someone checking there. Aiden thinks he's special. Aiden's been learning a different language because he doesn't want to destroy shake drizzle. How do you say dog?

Dog? In Mandarin. How do you say my money long? He just said cow. Cow. You're lying. Cow's a different animal. Clearly he's not using bowels.

That's true. Because that does not make sense to me. It might be in the wrong. Give me one instant. It's helped you in real life. Anyway, it's designed by real people for real conversations. Lessons are easy, accessible, and Aiden learned how to say cow. With over 10 million subscriptions sold, Babbel's probably going to work for you, too.

Tell us about more cow stuff you've learned, Aiden. I'm using Babbel to study Mandarin. I'm taking this. How do I say, hey, my money long? My money long? Woman sure pung yo. Okay. The word for money is woman? And that's the correct word.

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55% off, babbel.com slash the yard. It's spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash the yard. Yeah, and rules and restrictions may apply. We don't know why we're saying that. And cools and prescriptions for this guy. Yeah. What rules? What restrictions?

The rules? You have to be a good little listener. They may apply, but they might not. We don, so I what rules what restrictions the rules you have to be a good good little They may apply, but they might not we don't know about the rules. You have to be good for us now Let's get back to us babbling Do you feel you feel a guilt in the idea that people will just show up because they like you and laugh at your jokes They like you instead of like if you're actually funny or not yeah i'd i'd i'm worried i worried about that um and so i made a good show yeah yeah it's the best it's the only thing you can do right yeah i think about that too where we talk about doing live stuff and it's like what if they just show up because they like us and then like we don't get the feedback i think that's the only that

gets them in the door but that's it yeah like if it's an actual bad product they're not done and they won't keep coming back i don't know if that's true i i feel like there's like this sub genre of like comedian right now that is like really big because of like maybe they're i'm just gonna i'm just gonna say matt rife i'm just gonna say who is really good i would say at doing crowd work generally right and his crowd work clips became really popular yeah and that is what popularizes him. One of two things. That's the mechanism that gets people in the door for the show that is not all crowd work. A lot of it is just normal stand up that I think if he had to live and die by the merits of just his stand up, people wouldn't be showing up in that amount.

I mean, first of all all like crowd work's great and important and like people love it yeah like live like like not just clips people love it in the room yeah um so like sometimes i get like the vibe that people are like god why are we in the crowd work era it's so boring and i'm like crowd work's great like it's fucking cool yeah but part of the show but this but yeah the and i think that you were right that like When you're in the Popular mind Like Matt Reif is Or like you know Rob Schneider is

Like Rob Schneider can still go sell out a room And he doesn't have to do good stand up Yeah I think this happens I think this happens through TV shows a lot People have become like Isn't that his bit right now Yeah I think so If you're a ride or die for Deuce Bigelow, I want to meet that person.

But I think there are probably better. It's just like you see it on the thing and it's like, you know, like we have a date night. I've done this actually. I've realized now I went to see David Koechner. Who's that? He was the guy in Anchorman who was balding. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's funny. Yeah, you've seen his face. No. His standup was the worst in Anchorman who was balding. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's funny.

Yeah, you've seen his face. No. His stand-up was the worst of the group. I feel like he does. It could have been a bad night. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, well, I feel like oftentimes when you're the, like, you got so much going on and you, like, have to be the anchor of the show and you're the reason people are coming out and

then you're, like, featuring other comedians, but you don't have time to try and put together good material. That's what it felt like. It felt like I just need to show up on the stage for 10 minutes because my face is on the thing. Yeah. I don't, it's not that I don't think these people should have success either. Like you as an example, right?

As long as the person acknowledges that this is like a separate product that they need to spend time on and make good. It's hard. Yeah. I didn't, I had no idea how hard it is. make good it's hard yeah i didn't i had no idea how hard it is i was like i wrote it and i was like writing it was fairly easy uh like writing the first like draft of it but then to actually take that and turn it into a usable product and get good at being on the stage it was like how long you got like 30 minutes or something i'm up there for like 90. What? Holy shit. You're doing 90? Oh my God.

That's crazy. What's your- Yeah, I mean, I can do 90. I usually do like 70 and I cut stuff. How long have you been doing it? I started when I was finishing Radiation. So like that was five months ago. You are such a grinder. What the fuck is the matter with you I got a coach

okay and I got a co-writer who helped me like punch it up and yeah so like I'm like not at all above like being like please people who are good at this like fucking watch me and tell me what I'm doing wrong Bo Burnham kind of talked about this on

on uh what is it it's the green room that show uh but he was basically like he started on youtube then kind of got a comedy special and skipped like the brick wall and i think in comedy like specifically there's kind of this like i don't know if it's a desire but there's like this long-held sort of pillar of it of winning a crowd over with your humor and i think that you're kind of tapping into like talking about like well what if we've won them over already so when we show up they're primed to like want to like us and laugh and it feels cheap it feels like you're skipping an important

step of like I want to earn it I want to win them over but I think you have to just not think about it I think you have to move past that I have to try to not feel guilty about it which I totally do yeah like there's also an element of I don't know I don't know.

I don't know. Bo is probably a good example of somebody who, you know, got to skip that barrier initially, but make something absolutely incredible. Oh yeah, nobody thinks that Bo isn't funny, right? Yeah, he was one of like the first to make that jump specifically. Yeah. And like there's a bunch of tools that you get to use that when you have an audience who already knows who you are and you can be funnier.

Like I can make jokes about being a science guy getting cancer or something because they know that that's a thing. There's like more social context to latch on to. Yeah. Yeah. Who's your favorite comedian? Oh my God. All time. All time.

I mean. Like currently operating who you haven't heard of it feels like is a good one to go like chris fleming so fucking weird but like but like bo burnham is up there for me for sure eddie izzard is up there for me i like the uh the the and like still out there doing it uh eddie he had this bit about shooting scrappy do with aoo with a revolver. She. Now. She. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know. Uh-huh. Wild, right? She has it.

Scrappy-Doo. I don't know how to sing that joke. It's such a. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. She wanted to shoot Scrappy-Doo with a revolver. She.

And it was so funny. Yeah. I saw it when I was like 12 and I was like, this is it. Yeah. We've done it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was probably in high school well i remember this like like going to my friend's house and like we had the dvd

like at his apartment and like that was so good yeah i was like the first denim comedy ever watched and i like clowns i like people who aren't super polished and refined like i love a john mulaney show but i'm like man every single one of these words is in the exact right order, and I need people to be lost a little bit sometimes, or to feel lost, even if they aren't. Okay. Interesting. What's your favorite joke that you have?

The one you're most proud of. Great work. I mean, this is probably not the one I'm most proud of, but I tell... Here's the joke. I'll just do the whole thing. Yeah, do the bit. So...

Boo! Pipe down. Any cancers in the audience? Ooh. Yeah, we got one. This is about how we all need to apologize that you got the worst name for a star sign. And the star signs really read like a list written by a person for whom the mushrooms are kicking in.

Like you start out as just cool animals. It's like bulls. Great. I'll put that one in those. Bulls. Scorpions. Yeah, that's fucking cool. Yeah. Lion. Okay, yeah. Fish. And you're like, fish is a lot of animals, man. That's like half the vertebrates. And then you keep going. And like human

twins. And a woman carrying water and a goat fish and scales like fish scales. No, for like measuring and cancer. I'm putting cancer on the list, dude. Cause cancer is like either a crab or like the worst possible thing. But you did get the 69 as the little logo. And that's a nice constellation prize. That's good. He's pretty good, man. Signed off by slime.

You're pretty funny, man. You're funny, man. All right. We're the same. No, you're not. You're not the same. I think we're the same. We actually had an entire bit earlier about how you're not the same. No, you're not. Not the same. I think we're the same. We actually had an entire bit earlier about how you're not the same.

Hold on, let's do that here. Why don't you tell us your best joke? You're the same. There was this whole thing about how white women love to fuck dogs. Oh, I'm sorry, did that not just bring the house down? Alright, you're the same.

God, you're the same. It's good, we're the same. The only time I ever tried to write stand-up was in college. That was so scary, by the way, to do a bit to four people. Yeah. You killed it. I was kidding. You even did the physical ality.

My favorite is where I act as if I'm on mushrooms. That's how I know you're a fucking grinder. At Thanksgiving dinner, it's like, you're the comedian, right? Do your jokes. I wouldn't do it. Okay. You're a long-time YouTuber.

You've seen trend recently. I'm assuming you've seen this trend of YouTubers quitting. Yes. Probably some buddies of yours, because you've been in this bitch for so long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tom, Scott, you guys go way back. We do go back and back. Okay, see, I figured.

I was making a joke. Matt Patton and I actually go kind of back. Matt Patton, you go way back. And you, as far as I know, have never quit. You just keep doing new and different things yeah no what i've done instead is failed at stuff yeah yeah you just fail and then no one thinks you're quitting well you also succeed at stuff and i guess that's the real problem so have you thought about it like does it make you think like oh should i i think like hard

closes yeah i i love hard closes and it's weird because like you write a novel and at the end of that it's a hard close right uh and so i like wrote a novel and i wrote the sequel and i'm like never going back to those characters again and nobody thinks i like retired from novelism right you know the that's what it's called yeah i learned that in college and the and youtube is weird because it's not like that. Like you're just supposed to upload every day or every week or whatever your schedule is. It's also not characters. It's the person.

Well, and it is you. Yeah. Well, it's not just you. It's also like you're usually making a product. Yeah. You know? And so like that's kind of what's nice about Theorist is like it's a thing and it's had people do things that aren't mad or stephanie and and the like so it sort of makes sense to go off on its own and

also like tom scott i know this guy he's not quitting making stuff yeah he's not quitting creativity i feel like he's opening up some space for him to figure out what other interesting thing he can do so like that like i like to think of what Tom Scott did, which is an amazing body of work as a body of work, right? Not like a career. Not like he's retiring from, and he's going to go play Canasta in Florida.

He's do it. Like he's made this just like you can write a book and then you're done. Like there's a last page of the book and that's not weird. That's not like sad that the book ended. But I feel like his, his, you know, what like his that project was, is just like an amazing body of work that you can go back to over and over again. And he's not like make a bunch of other cool stuff. I don't really feel like people are quitting to me.

It feels like people are having the freedom to try new things, which I think is very good. So they're just quitting their book series that everybody likes. Yeah. Ending that. And then they're especially if you can find like a way a good way to wrap the series you know one of the biggest years of all time yeah there's like a so like you talk about a youtube channel

as a body of work but a lot of times i think most of the content is actually just like a slop treadmill right like you were saying like you have to. Like Matt Tom Scott. That's like a wild thing about it. Yeah, yeah. But they're like, does that apply universally to like, Ludwig's got some really insane beautiful videos, but he also has like Reddit recap number 87. The ASMR slime YouTuber? I'm quitting.

Yeah. It's been a long run. I really appreciate all you guys. It's the same platform. Yeah. Well, yeah. yeah i mean youtube isn't like that it's i don't know what to compare it to i guess it's that you can't just think of it like uh like movies because we have like an idea of what movies are like and there's a lot of barriers to movie you think of it more like music where there's a lot of shitty music out there and there's a lot there's like really fractured the music world like i can go on spotify and find

somebody who gets 20 million streams a month and nobody's ever heard of them right um and and there's like a lot of like yeah so it's all over the place and and like to some extent like if you're a slime youtuber and you did really well and you're tired and you don't want to be a slime youtuber anymore and you have two million dollars in the bank, like take a break. Figure out what's next. Like maybe you're going to be an ad executive now. The question is, do you say to your audience, no more slime? Or do you just stop posting?

I think you say no more slime. You're doing an Irish goodbye? Irish goodbye to slime ASMR. I mean, lots of people Irish goodbye their YouTube channels. They're just usually not very big. And then you just have the comments for years. Like, who's still watching in 2024? Yeah.

Yeah. I think those comments are posted by YouTube. I don't know. Because they're on every video. Yeah, Homestar Runner kind of Irish goodbyed for like eight years. Oh, God. Isn't that wild? Yeah.

They just like didn't upload the next Strong Bad email. They just stopped doing it. I talked to them about it. I like asked them and I was like, why did you do it? And they were like, well, we had a plan for the next one. And then it was like, it kind of got like, we wanted to do a bigger and bigger. And then the more time passed, we were like, well, we have to come back with something bigger and more interesting. And then time kept passing.

And we were like, well, if we come back now with some little thing, everybody's going to be like, just that? Just give us another teen girl squad It's all we want. I mean they worked so hard Like that's like the wild amount of work that went into what is really in a lot of ways like the first online video series speedmails Dude, oh my god. It feels like not everybody in the room knows what this is. It's like this and Red vs. Blue I think I found out about it through nintendo power magazine what yeah that's my home star

runner hmm red versus blue or home star home star runner oh wow yeah they made like it was they had some sort of the last episode of nintendo power in 1999 and it came up in there at some point because i i i didn't really like get on the Internet to watch stuff until like I don't know. I feel like I just like got to at friends houses on occasion until like 2010. I think I started like using the Internet in like first grade. Which year was? So let's do birth years. Two thousand ninety ninety six. Ninety seven. Ninety ninety five. OK, that's fine. Which year was? Let's do birth years.

1996. 90. 95. Okay. That's fine. 90s kids. 1980? Yeah.

We're the same! Oh, you're 89? We both fucked with KMFDM in high school. We're the same. We're the same. I think it's 04? Maybe? 04 when you were in first grade. 04, 05. She's like six years old. I'm the same. I think it's 04? Maybe? 04 when you were in first grade. 04, 05.

She's like six years old. I'm the youngest and I'm off my parents' health and truth. You know? I'm a real member of society. Yeah, we're all grown-ups here. He technically pays for it

but it's my insurance. Daddy. I'm daddy. You know my insurance. He is daddy. Oh no. We'll heal you. Are you going to Irish goodbye, Ludwig,

when it's time? No, I would hard quit you hard goodbye i would hard goodbye for sure goodbye no let's just go to europe let's get together somewhere let's just go well i think it's also different right like i think i think it's audience relationship thing yeah it would be i think disrespectful because i also am closer to my audience the most youtubers because i stream and there's also people like 40 to 35 000 who give me like a dollar a month right now and so like if i were to just like just leave then it's like okay it's pretty grimy keep this yeah it'd be kind of grimy i think we kind of

fucked yeah but they would still love you i've also feel like there's things you want to say you know like there's some last things maybe yeah streaming is so much different than youtuber especially now though right because like i feel like you're a youtuber and you quit there's still a huge wall between you and your viewers that you're safe behind but i feel like streaming like your viewers feel closer to you i will say i don't know of a big streamer who's quit whoa like youtubers have started to quit and i think they've started to quit in response in a way maybe to the trend of youtubers who didn't quit and I think they've started to quit in response in a way, maybe to the trend of YouTubers who didn't quit and kept doing their thing and then it

got less popular. And then now there's like, you know, a sunny V2 video making fun of that that gets millions of views. I feel like it's harder. I feel like it's harder for streamers to pivot too. Cause if you, if you've, if you're a youtuber and you've like backed up a bunch of like success and savings from like a long-term series you can kind of like alleviate this time for yourself in your day to like think about or like work on like whatever the next project is

but i feel like streaming keeps especially if you're if you're a big streamer you're kind of obligated to like put the hours in over and over and over and that like same time isn't alleviated in your day and you because you don't create that product that you talk about that like lives on indefinitely you have to boot up the next day because to pull everybody with a youtuber and youtube videos anyone can watch that on their own time throughout the day and you still get your algorithm points because it goes out that day but for for streaming like you're fighting for eyeballs like any you go live at 7 p.m and you can really only watch one stream maybe a couple if you're like a brain rot kid or something so kind of tough right now because if you're if you're a streamer right now you're in an era of

viewers trending down in general not for you specifically but like site wide like twitch viewership is down yeah like somebody like xqc is like seeing his numbers like fall he's back as gtarp but yeah it wasn't a little bit down i thought you said gtarp was already over the hub what's your take on it dub and onders well i think that streaming's just a little bit my league right now. I think it's a little farther behind YouTube because it's a newer thing. I also think streamers just like streaming and they don't know anything else at all.

And so... It's like Astroworld. This is kind of like talking to Mango about it. Do you know who Mango is? He's great. I'm way out of my league. Mango is... This is actually Mango. Okay great. This is a cut out of him. This is mega everybody And uh, do you see him and do you think this is the goat?

I see him and I think that's a seems like a professional gamer to me Mostly it's that shirt Yeah, he's with us now He is a professional gamer and he he streams he pretty much only streams playing video games Um and he like he's done it for a long time now and self-admittedly he's like I'm just a gamer I love fucking I think he likes gaming because what he does now is he'll go live for like eight hours they'll like play a bit of the game he's known for playing then he'll play

Baldur's Gate after taking a edible and then when the edible hits too hard and he thinks it's scary he'll move to overwatch the bright colors make him feel okay and i think it's just what he wants to do yeah and also feels good maybe because it's earning money uh but but i think yeah i think streamers i haven't seen him quit yet whereas like more maybe more people getting into youtube to start with have some idea of like i think there's more people on youtube that are like i'm gonna make videos as some sort of like product or like artistic it's gonna be some sort of like artistic and try to do something like doing something that

i'm trying to achieve a particular goal it's not just growing the biggest audience but i think it's not like i think a lot of times it's just like how that's what i chase it's just like how like how do we make stuff that's gonna like engage people and give a little while you say it's not like I think a lot of times. It's just like how that's what I chase It's just like how like why do we make stuff that's gonna like engage people and give a little one You say it's dirty. It's nerdy. Oh, I thought you said like you choose like nerdier than ever I think in terms of like the science of what a successful video is Do I think to a fault think about it too much? I think now what your vlog brother? Sorry Is it I think it's gonna we're gonna have a backlash against it. We're getting a bit of it. Yeah, like Sam Sulik Yeah, I know that name.

Okay. Who is it? You want to talk about biceps. Huge and big biceps. Can you pull up Sam Sulik? Oh, there's a TV. Yeah. Yeah, welcome to the world.

This is a monitor. That's our screen with our logo. I don't use this in physical places most of the time. Oh, that guy. Yeah, I've seen that guy. And he's like the antithesis of nerdy YouTube, right? Because he just uploads 40 minutes and it's him in a car just riffing about his workout and life. Yeah, he's got like great vibes for a guy who does a lot of here.

Yes, he does. It's actually, it's crazy. It is what makes him so charming. Maybe hot take. I think this is still nerd YouTube. Yeah, I think he's a little nerdy He's nerdy about his muscles Yeah, yeah separate thing crafting a YouTube video to get the maximum viewers Passionate by see I say like we get backlash when we do a custom thumbnail on vlog brothers. Yes still what yeah Yeah, we never we've never we've always done it sometimes

But like if we if I do one that looks too good people are like what the hell vlogbrothers yeah still what yeah that's crazy never we've always done it sometimes but like if we if i do one that looks too good people are like what the hell i have to like make it look like i didn't try what year did vlogbrothers start 2007 right okay so one question i had about that was was uh my understanding the original idea was like it's talking to each other in vlog format almost like you're writing emails to each other and either teaching each other a thing or just speaking to each other like brothers yeah that's kind of like the base sort of idea was that collaborative at first like were you were you collaborating at all on what you would talk about in your own separate videos it hasn't become

collaborative at all or is it the same still uh it depends so like in the beginning it was very much like john would make a video and then i would watch his video and either make my own thing or like it would inspire me to make something in particular. Yeah. Oftentimes I just make my own thing. Okay. Now, rarely we will be in touch and we'll say, oh, here's what we need to do this week because we have this thing coming up. Like we're doing this launch or we're doing a charity event or something. And so we had like, like actually last week was like this i like we had like some new things to tell the community about and so we did two videos

about that no we have to do this like yearly charity live stream called the project for awesome and we're just like changing it a little bit and i watched that yeah that one and uh and that was nice because i was going to be here and i was like i can make that before i leave uh because it's four minute video. Are you watching his when it comes out or before? When it comes out. When it comes out. So you're in the audience like to this day.

Yeah. Do you watch every one? Have you ever missed one? Never missed one. Oh. That's very cute. That's cute. That's so cute.

I was wild to think that I might. Like the thought of missing a Vlogbrothers video for me. And for that long. Like, it would feel like a big, fat lie. I feel like I was lying to everyone. Well, I think that is, like, the sauce that makes a project like that successful for this long. Like, even if you never say to anyone. And there's only one a week.

Like, it's, like, one four to five minute video a week. So, it's, like, it'd be, like, shitty to not minute video a week so it's like it's like it'd be like shitty did not watch my brother's video i saw it was too busy that this the like this has created like your guys's channel has created such uh a fandom that you hosted another convention only for your fans yeah we did do that yeah it was super fun just like just a side convention we were thinking about doing it again but things just like just a side convention we were thinking about doing it again but things have been messy in the world of events for a little while what so the uh the the yeah it was super fun and like we have you know and we had a bunch of people who

are sort of like like you know have a lot of overlap with our stuff come out. Yeah. I heard your idea about the 48-hour show. Yeah. And I was like, that just doesn't work. You guys can take that idea. That doesn't work in our world. That was the first thought I had. Why don't you say the idea, because it's your idea. So, like, you rent a theater for 48 hours,

and you don't let anybody leave. Dude, this is... So everyone who comes to the show stays. It's a lock-in. It's like a bowling alley, I'm promise. Do you tell them or do they walk in and- A comical latch. Everyone starts screaming and trying to get out of the room.

It's two statues with swords and they just cross. If anybody leaves the room, no one gets $10,000. And then they just have to murder the person who needs to pee the most. Wait, that's actually good. And then they just have to murder the person who needs to pee the most. Wait, that's actually good. Okay. He's talking too much. Is he the gear string? Well, I was thinking about specifically the no one can leave $10,000 one.

Yeah, yeah. There was a thing. I think that... So we had this in Missoula where the first... Drinks are free until the first person pees at a bar. You're from Missoula? I'm from Missoula, yeah. I love Missoula yeah i love

missoula yeah i mean i've been there a bunch live there for 20 years it's just funny i love it that's cool i do zoo town well yeah we'll tie yeah and they had to stop doing this not like there's like a thing that lots of bars do like free drinks until the first person pees they had to stop doing it because somebody died what they? They held their pee too bad. Oh, no. This is an episode of euphoria. This also happens with the butt. I haven't fact-checked this.

I think someone died. It's a good way to not want to do it anymore. You just say someone died and I can't do it. They just make it up. They don't have to explain. Someone died. Wish we could. There was a shackle to the law.

I think you just put it on the t-shirt you win and the competition keeps going. Yeah. There was a radio thing where they're like, whoever drinks the most water and somebody drank so much water they died. Yeah. To win a Wii. They were probably in the room. Oh, win a Wii for a Wii.

Hold your Wii for a Wii. It was like a mom. It's actually a really sad story. No, I mean, people dying is often quite sad. They were probably in the room trying to think of an idea. Like, what's something that anyone can do that's safe?

It's like water. It's good. Yeah. This happens with the butt. If you don't poop for enough time, you get toxic megacolon. Toxic megacolon. You know what the treatment

for toxic megacolon is? A shit. They have to cut you open and take your shit out. What? And you round it out. You shove some oxygen up there. They cut it up and the dog goes to your mouth and goes... You can have constipation so bad that you

vomit up your own shit. I think I've gotten close. He's had constipation problems his whole life. Oh, he's bad. I'm jealous. He drops mega dunkers. Yeah. He drops high scores that I only dream of. What's your, like, general day-to-day?

Like, what does that mean? Your general poop-to-poop? What's your general... How much time? How much time? Like, a week. Every... All the time?

Yeah. Wow. No, you know what? It's better recently. He's scared now. It's better recently. It's like three hours for me. Wait, what?

Really? You're right on time. Are you vegan? No, I have ulcerative colitis. I looked at you and I was like, fuck with it. When I don't understand the words, I know it's bad. Yeah. So many syllables.

Speaking of science, I actually came prepared. I don't know that that was science book. I came prepared with an idea today. All right. And I thought it would be fun because you're a scientist. Correct? I mean, not in a while. We keep saying this, but it's not.

So he's a scientist, right? And the four of us, I say we dabble in science. We cover sciencings and science. We do have a science segment on this show. So do you ever remember Kahoot? Yeah. Yeah, so I used to use Kahoot in school. Do I remember Kahoot? Yeah. Yeah, so I used to use Kahoot in school. Do I remember Kahoot?

He didn't. Well, I don't remember it. I didn't have it when I was in school. I just know of it. Well, I'd say remember because I don't think it's used much anymore. Maybe it is. It is. It's not in school anymore.

He was past school when they brought it in and got rid of it. Well, I was fondly remembering Kahoot, you know, messing with the teacher, making funny name for yourself in the game. And I was like, I wonder if I could go find a Kahoot quiz for science and then we could all take it, but we're all against you. Four against one. It's the Try Guys, you guys.

Yeah. And guess which one of us is next. Now, we thought of a solution to this idea If you call up your wife or your girlfriend And you just tell her point blank I will never cheat on you And it always results in a positive outcome No no no we figured out a better way to say it

What? It was from now on I will never cheat on you From here on out And I have it before But also from here on out I will never do that And I just wanted to let you know.

Bye! Bye! And it always is really good. Because it's a nice thing to say. That's going to work out 100%. They love that. So, Zipper, could you bring up the Kahoot I found? Oh, we got...

Whoa! Do we pop out our phones? Everyone bring out your phones. This is... Like, look at this. Kahoot is still very active. So, you're going to go to Kahoot.it, and you're going to type had it out. Kahoot is still very active. So you're gonna go to Kahoot.it and you're gonna type in this code Kahoot.it

And uh, just very honestly, I did not play it myself. I just found Okay, we have to trust you. the name of it in the public Kahoot thing. I was like yeah, this will work So I wanted to keep it pretty basic. Oh, you can't do so many syllables. What is your- That's gonna be big money, rich money. Oh, I got the moose, I guess. That's good. I got like a cute little-

Dude, I got a chipmunk with a hairpiece. With headphones on. Maybe. Okay. Kahoot at home. This makes me very nervous. Yeah, so I just- I hope I didn't make it all up.

I just found the Eagle Rock Elementary 2017 science fair quiz The student with the highest score in this year's quiz will win $50 towards the Scholastic Book Fair Plants need which of the following to live plants need which of the following to live oxygen air minimal waters and sun air mineral wait air water minerals and sunlight moonlight or soil water shade

and food I got this one does it matter how fast we do it cause I got it timer on the left I believe you get more points the faster oh no never it? Because I got it before you guys. Timer on the left. I believe you get more points the faster you... Oh, no, never mind. Okay. Okay, all right. I got it, I got it. So we're just going to...

Did you pick a big total R points and we'll... So it's four to one right now. No, we all got it right. We all got it right. But we'll figure out the score. Oh, I see, I see. Okay, okay. I will defeat you in the Science Coliseum.

I'm a little worried we're all going to get all of these right. Yeah. Okay. Wow. Well, don't be nice to me. I was faster. Oh, you're all gonna get all of these right. Yeah Okay All right This is fucked up What temperature brings water to boil?

What temperature brings water to a boil? School didn't have a lot of budget I guess I made fun of someone for not knowing this We should bring water to a boil. Uh... The school didn't have a lot of budget, I guess. I knew this one. I-I... I made fun of someone for not knowing this. Cringe. In Fahrenheit, cringe. Why is it cringe in Fahrenheit? In cring- Do you use Celsius?

Yeah. What temperature is it outside today? Oh, hold on. It's 4 to 1. We are getting fucking crushed. Why is he beating us? He's faster. You're getting fucking crushed. Well, if you add all your numbers up, you're kicking my ass. Alright, I'm gonna cringe.

One of us has to win. That's the win condition. We take our highest score. Oh, okay, next question. If one of has to win. That's the win condition. We take our highest score. Oh, okay, next question. If one of us beats him. I have so much faith in you guys. Slider. Discuss. What?

Are we discussing? Dude, you picked a dog shit. This is fun. That's a nine. That's a nine. That's a nine. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I think a pregnant woman's one of the most beautiful things on earth.

It's a ten. That's a really good guess, too. I'm gonna go with ten, actually. I think that pregnant woman is one of the most beautiful things on earth. It's a 10. That's a really good guess too. I'm gonna go with 10 actually. I think that's really smart. What did you rank it Hank? Audio listeners were looking at Mario holding pregnant Sonic. Yeah, it's Dr. Mario specifically. He's figured out some really new technologies. Some new stuff. Yeah. Nine. Whoa! Wait.

Six. That's a six. That actually makes sense. It makes sense it's a six. I think that's earth science. That was a six? Yeah, that was a six. I just don't believe that.

I don't trust. This is like in ten years when we find out the school is wrong. On my Kahoot it says nothing worth having comes easy. It was kind of ominous. Looking at that image. That didn't change the numbers at all. No. Interesting. On my Kahoot, it says, nothing worth having comes easy. It was kind of ominous looking at that image. That didn't change the numbers at all. No.

Interesting. All right. Wow. Who turned popular hip-hop artist Nicki Minaj into a stoner? This is what they're learning in school. Yeah, well, I know the answer to this one. Immediately. Fuck, I don't know this.

You didn't take biology in high school? Jesus Christ, man. I was trying to have who turned Nicki Minaj. This is a lyric in We Dem Boys If that helps. That does not help Uh huh. Uh, wow. In the song they go, We Dem Boys! I definitely know it wasn't- Oh I got it!

It's Wiz. Yeah, Wiz turned Nicky to a stone You got it! What the fuck! Oh my god dude This is fucked. She's smoking now You just know too much Mango, no! No, Mango! Okay, uh...

Come back to us, boys. True or false? Real? Real? Real? Wow! Okay. Oh, wow! Is- I mean, it looks real.

Oh man, I hit false, but I feel like true now. It's in a big medicine pill. The thing- it looks fake, but the doctor looks real. Oh man, I hit false, but I feel like true now. It's in a big medicine pill. It looks fake, but the doctor looks real. So it's a giant poop that a woman is holding what looks like a doctor... Is she a nurse practitioner? Can you explain this with science? You said false. I did say false. So can you explain that to me with science?

Oh man. I don't know. No, you're the one with the big shits. Alright, well, great job. Thanks for attending. That's probably the fair they're talking about. Congratulations Dylan Morris! I don't know you're the one with the big shits. All right. Well, oh Attending probably the fair Every always win I hate Oh, thank God we're smarter than a scientist wait no that's third place wait a minute. Yeah. Oh, thank God So I're smarter than a scientist. You kicked my ass. Wait, no, that's third place. Wait a minute. Oh, thank God. So I guess like, I thought you were, I thought you were like a scientist. You were last place, Hank. That's actually crazy.

Last place. It's we have boys. That's so weird. He turned her to a stoner. No, I know. I got that one right. It's the turd that fucked me. It's the turd. It was only his fault.

Thank you, true. Well, Hank, it's been an absolute pleasure. Is there any final words of wisdom or thoughts that you'd like to impart? Or socks? Oh, I mean, yeah, I made socks. That's why you keep saying that? When I was sick with cancer, I made socks. Oh, I saw that.

Is this the Awesome Socks Club? Yeah, so we have the Awesome Socks Club. We're basically trying, we're like, okay, what if we were like YouTubers and we started a business that was like YouTuber business, but then we donated all the profit. You say like it's the first time you've done it.

We donated all the profit to charity instead of to us. And to you. Which makes it sound like I don't like other YouTubers and I do very much. But basically, you gotta have to buy socks.

I do. Just buy them from us and all the profit goes to charity instead of some stranger. Awesome Sock Club. Good.store. That's where you can find all the stuff. That's a of some stranger. Or some sock club. Good.store. That's where you can find all this stuff. That's a good fucking link.

That's good, yeah. You got good? .store. Son of a... Every single person who buys a pair of socks from this website, Aiden will thank. Yeah, he will thank you personally. He will write a message to you. Every single one.

Yeah. Oh, it's on the board. Good.store. There it is. And you can get... You can get coffee. We got a coffee subscription. We got soap and other bath products. Oh, this is nice. We're going to add some We got a coffee subscription. We got soap and like other bath products.

Oh, this is nice. We're going to add some other stuff soon too. We're going to do tea. Oh, the disco socks. Yeah, the disco socks are nice. They're so cute. I'm wearing. Yeah, what are you rocking? I'm wearing these ones I designed specifically when I was on cancer. How come you don't? I was on cancer. Yeah, when you were on cancer. I was on my cancer shit. Smoking that good cancer. I was smoking good.

They give you a lot of drugs. Awesome. Well, thanks for coming on, man. It was really fun. Yeah. It was fun. Did you have a good time?

You guys are dopes. That's great. Well, no, wait, wait. He just called us dopes. He's too smart. I don't know what's good. It's nice. I feel like it could be good.

It's great. It's a nice thing. You guys are really fun, silly guys. Yeah. All right. Hank, you are so... Maybe you don't got that shit on Whoa What if his middle name was

Smoking that I was thinking that, whole time Hank smoking that green And we hope we turned you to a stoner at home Thank you for joining us, thanks Hank Green Good.store, check it out Bye