The Yard - Ep. 133 - SLIME'S FIRST FIGHT

Episode Date: January 31, 2024

This week, the boys talk about the yard basketball league, Slime will be fighting someone, and how Nick finally has a good $1,000,000 idea...

Do you think that Aiden drowned in the goat's wave? Yeah, a little bit. 100%. In the parking lot, he was like, he was like, I should come on the yard so I can talk about the shot are we going?

alright that was funny yeah Mango holds on to the stuff that happens at basketball so there's new there's a new Mango addendum every tournament he wins

and every three he sinks to win a basketball game he gets to come on the yard he talks about his basketball highlights more than his tournament wins. Yeah. Yeah, you can tell where his heart is.

You know when you look at his Twitch bio and he has all the first places listed out? Yeah. This is getting added to that. Final shot made over Aiden. Game winning three over Aiden. He told me he Pelotons 10 miles. Okay, he did it once.

Yeah, he did it once. I love how he's like saying, like, I Peloton 10 miles. I do that. To his credit, he kept talking about this last basketball session. He would not stop talking about how he was going to be a Peloton god. It's like fucking Ludwig. And he started.

So credit there. It's like Ludwig at the half marathon. Do you know how many people he told about that? Not many. I don't bring it up a lot. Do you want to talk like. 13.1. I think it was actually a point of,

I think you may have been slightly hurt that no one cared as much as you. Crime or cringe. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa, As much as you did. And that was a harsh way to say that. No one can care as much as I do. Cause you care too much. Cause I cared way too much.

Do you find that a lonely life to live sometimes? Has anyone ever showed up earlier than you? No. No? I'm starting to see some trends. You don't show up, you show up early is what you're saying. Yeah. That's crazy.

Well, I would say I show up early or late and nothing in the middle. Okay, that's not good. Forget on time. Because it's most of the time actually so, like, all the time, it's the other one. You sound like shit. I sound like shit? Yeah. I had a cold.

I had a stuffy nose. You sound a little congested. I also sound like shit. We sound like shit. Don't make this about us. We are connected. We're the same. Keep it about him.

Keep it about me. Keep it about you. You sound like shit. I sound good. No, I sound good. This is how I sound when I'm not putting my fake voice on. That's how you normally sound. He kept telling me to touch my chest.

You haven't been running, have you? I want to touch your p-cheps. I have not been running, no. You have a marathon. You're doing a longer run. Shut the fuck up. What are you doing? You're soon enough for a marathon. Did you get up. What are you doing? He's suiting it. You're suiting up for a marathon.

Did he get rid of the goal itch? Is the goal itch not as strong for the full marathon? No, I just fucking kickflip for four hours straight, and it ruined my body. And then I... So you're still hurting from that? No, I'm done from that. But then I played basketball, and now my asses are sore. Oh, he did pull his ass yesterday.

He pulled your ass? Dude, I gotta stretch him out. No. I pulled both my asses. No. Oh, he did pull his ass yesterday. He pulled his ass? I gotta stretch him out. No. I pulled both my asses. No. No. Your ass and your backup ass? He's like laying down in the grass on the side of the court, but he's too far for me to discern his emotions or actual

sounds he's making. So I yell. I'm like, you need to come rub it out, kiddo. And he's like, he says like, yes, but like seriously. And I'm like, ah. I just gotta sit over here. Eventually I go check on him and I'm like oh do you really want me to do something and he's like yes you just stretch him out?

so you pulled your ass what does it look like? it doesn't look any different but I just I didn't have enough salt and it was hot yesterday he kept saying who's got salt who's got some salt and it was hot yesterday. He kept saying, who's got salt? Who's got some salt? And then Rad said, I got you, boss.

And then he puts a paper packet and dumps it on his tongue. You need salt. Yeah, that's electrolyte. It's why that liquid IV tastes so salty. And Prime's not as good at hydrating because it's not salty. What isn't an electrolyte? It's a mineral that makes your electricity fight. One of us must know. No, it's a mineral, and they are necessary for like...

Dirt's a mineral. Why does it help you? You know when you... Dirt is not a mineral. You know when you sweat. Yeah. What does it taste like? It's the salt, and you're sweating out the salt, and you sweating out the salt. That's why you sweat Gatorade?

You need to replenish your... No, that's why Kobe Bryant sweats Gatorade. Kobe Bryant sweats Gatorade, and we need to replenish his body with more Gatorade. Otherwise, he won't have more Gatorade to sweat. Okay, so we're all born with Gatorade. And if you sweat and you only have water and no Gaty, then your body starts cramping.

Yeah. So Gatorade solves the mystery of our complex biology. I thought you needed water when you starts cramping yeah so gatorade solves the the mystery of our complex biology i thought you needed water when you're cramping no no you need jesus christ man i've always thought this yeah you yeah and you know what you're a walking time maybe shoogie you're a time bomb shoogie's good for you shoogie can be good for you yeah yum look at this look at what we're doing this isn't a science pod anymore. We are. It's over. We're still scientists. We're an anti-science pod. He rolled up

to basketball with a latte and look who cramped. That's what I'm saying. He also doesn't fucking run. He does. I run to the three point line. He does run to the three point line.

Did you see my fucking breakaway versus Mango? What? He chased me. The play before that. Dude. The play before that, Mango goes, he goes, I like guarding you because you don't run. I was like, next time I touch the ball, it's fucking me to the end of the court. And I had a breakaway, so I had a ball.

Mango, me and Mango just bolt. And he's a lot faster than I thought he was oh yeah he said he used to run like track but it was a bucket should we start a YBL

the yard basketball league young boy league that's what I was thinking I was like really I thought that young boy league it's a young boy league

and they all all of them just have to play you every week that's all oh you're so good yeah I'm making a young boy league and they all have to play you every week. That's all of you. You're so good. Yeah, I'm making a young boy league, and they all have to play me. All young boys.

You can only come once in your life. Yeah, it's like Snoop's SFL, Snoop Football League. But instead, it's YBL, Yard Basketball League. This actually is, yeah, this is our MILF. Dude, we can make the yard CTE challenge. And you come to our football league, and we make you play each other, but you have to give someone CTE to stay. Someone enters, and only one person leaves.

Battle Royale now. Battle Royale. CTE Battle Royale. Well, we only know if they get C CT if we cut their brains open, so... Yeah, that's part of it. Yeah. Is it like a... There's like crud to look at?

Yeah, it's like tree rings. It's like how you diagnose rabies. You count... Isn't that crazy? Yeah. What? So my sinuses like decompress when I sneeze. I've never heard anyone do that.

I put the mic close so you guys could hear it. This happens all the time. Dude, you're like a balloon. So if you just heard that squeaking sound the mic close so you guys could hear it. This happens all the time. Dude, you're like a balloon. So if you just heard that squeaking sound, that was slime's sinuses. Yeah, it's bad. Dude, you sound like you shouldn't have come into work today. You couldn't take the day off. I'm way better. It's just like I got mucus now. I'm also sparring tomorrow. I had to cancel it, but I'm sparring tomorrow.

Maybe you have deviated steps. Am I crazy to say you shouldn't spar tomorrow? I'm not said dude I feel 100% fine. It's just mucus in my fucking nose. You're gonna be sparring go Right below your eye, it's just gonna deflate yeah Look like the guy from the mask afterwards Yeah, I look like the guy from The Mask afterwards. So how are you feeling for your spar? I feel fine.

I really wanted to. I had to tell my coach. I was like, dude, listen, I'm not dodging. I promise. I really wanted to do this, but I'm really sick. And he's like, ha ha, it's okay. I believe you. I don't think he believes me.

No one believes you, man. He might believe you. Well, the thing is, he'd probably want you to be like I'm sick but I'm still coming in and he'd be like wolf shit yeah yeah that's wolf shit baby we're gonna kill

this guy with our fucking hands and he's gonna get sick yeah and then you spit your virus on the wolves get sick too in the hospital

they're gonna be like he actually would've survived the blows to the head except he got a cold yeah and his body couldn't manage it

much like a komodo dragon with poison in its mouth, slime made him sick and his weakened immune system crumpled in the hospital bed. Your coach is funny. Yeah. Because they'll oscillate between wolf shit

and then like kind of homie one-on-one telling you some fuck shit that he does in the ring. He doesn't say fuck shit. I mean, not like fuck shit. What the fuck are you talking about? Last time he was like unprepared. Is this non-combative fuck shit? the fuck are you talking about last time he was like is this non-combative fuck shit

you ever sniff their ass in the ring yeah he's like sometimes in the ring I scratch their balls cause that's what wolves do

that's how they say hi he's like you know what it's kind of fun to punch him in the face I'm like damn it's okay you're like yeah yeah, I bet.

It's like, yeah, that's boxing. He's like, nah, but there's something a little bit extra there. He's cool, man. Oh, yeah. Do you think honesty is dead? Discuss. Don't jump to that. I've heard much about this, but I don't know much. I wish Hank was here,

but you can be Hank. I'll be the Hank Green of the show. So what does science say about honesty? I think honesty is dead. Okay. Because, for example, let's start with Ludwig last week during a meeting. He said, not once, not twice, maybe 20, 25 times, he said, Papa don't play ball for less than a rack. Yeah.

Which is not a lot. I think it's a lot. To him, it's so little. Because the thing we were talking about in the meeting, one of the meeting points that we discussed, we came to a decision where the agreed upon amount was, was 500 less than a rack where we agreed upon it in the meeting. No,

but the issue is I didn't agree. You did because you said we could move forward with the project with the 500. In the meeting, he told me, he was like, yeah, I was thinking of doing this. And, you know, we could do this event. We could have like 100 people go or something, maybe like 200. And I fucking, and you know what I said to him? I says, Papa, don't play no ball for less than a rack.

Bullshit. So instead of an amount of money, you're talking about a rack of people. Yes, a human. We were talking about a rack of people. You're talking about a band of people. Papa, don't play no balls for less than a rack of human beings. A rack of human beings. And then I think the other rack was a rack of sweatshirts.

Okay. Not like $1,000, 1,000 sweatshirts. So you want to sell 1,000 sweatshirts to 1,000 people? Yup. Hey, tell me I don't know business. I'm at supply and demand. That's what I mean. There is 1,000 demand quantity. and so there will be one thousand supply.

We can charge whatever we want. Which artist do you think would be best for this design on the sweater? Papa don't play ball for less than a rack. Oh, so he just kept saying it. Yes! Yes! Well, I feel like we can get information from that, because you just pay someone who's worth a thousand dollars. We're going to pay them less than a rack.

It's not worth a rack. I feel like this is easy. Hold on. Wait, wait. But they're not Papa. They're not Papa. No, but you won't play. That's true.

You won't play. You made it sound like you wouldn't pay them less than a thousand. If you won't play for less than a rack and the hoodie costs less than that, you're not going to wear it. Breaking news, listeners. His YouTube deal wasn't as big this year. Papa don't play for less than a rack, and the hoodie costs less than that. You're not going to wear it. Breaking news, listeners. His YouTube deal wasn't as big this year. Papa don't play no ball. We're cutting costs. So you're saying that Papa should be playing ball, Aiden.

Papa's going to start playing ball for $100. Okay. That's kind of pathetic. Papa will take a Jackson, a Hamilton, perhaps. Papa will take one cookie from Carl's Jr. If it's fresh, Papa will take it. Papa will take a Jackson, a Hamilton perhaps. Papa will take one cookie from Carl's Jr. If it's fresh, Papa will take it. Is this just a meeting on you and him? It's just me and him.

That's why he fucks around. The thing that was killing me is the things in this meeting I've been trying to talk to him about the whole week. Can I tell you something? Can we leave him out of it? Yeah. Okay. I don't think you may. Because he's right.

He's been hounding my ass. Your pulled asses. This is a record number of calls to Ludwig this week. For a week. He'll just shoot me a text and be like, called today. He really wants to do his job. I know.

This is a moment of honesty. This is my job. I'm doing my job. Just to clarify, this is my job. And this is, I would argue, a weekly or bi-weekly occurrence. Well, don't say, it's not just because he's, it doesn't matter. Oh, it's a weekly or. Every two times a week.

Every fortnight. Every two, or two times a week. Fortnite is also bisexual. No, no, sometimes it's dual weekly. Dual weekly. Dual weekly. Okay, yeah. Or weekly's dual, dual weekly. Dual weekly. Dual weekly. Okay, yeah. Or weekly.

Okay. And he needs my help. But here's the thing. I used to be friends with Aiden. Okay. You guys used to hang out. But now he only hits me up for some work.

That's all he hits me up for. Now, let me ask you. I think that's a really good point. Do you think that you do that to other people in this room that you're looking at right now no no you don't never okay so right i appreciate that ask in that because i'm self-aware because he gets to clarify his honesty's back i don't think i do that ever because you know why i know i don't do it why because i ask people here to go play basketball with me okay do. Do you think that like solves everything?

Yeah. So what you're doing is you're actually creating a friend slurry. So you don't have to individually hang out with every sim. You just throw a sim party and then you, every, you get to interact with everyone, solve the problem of not socializing all at once in like some efficient role.

I've always felt this was about a Slurpee. I can just enjoy the game of basketball. I think that might be, that has to be like top five bad faith interpretations of a friend basketball game ever. Like, am I not, I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. You are. You are. I'm not.

What about his feelings? His schedule is so fucking full. He's like, I'll create a friend slurry. No, no, no. I just think basketball's fun and it's better with more people. So why don't you invite Ben Shapiro? What? Why don't you invite Ben Shapiro? I don't know. I would love

if you came. I would love to play basketball against Ben Shapiro and destroy him. What about on his team, but you have to play on his team? That'd be fine. Oh, wow. So it finally comes out. Lubbock was in the paint. The thing is, when I'm in the key,

no one cares, okay? Mango sunk the three versus Aiden, and he's tall enough to block the shot. So I don't buy. Basketball is not a game of skill.

It has to do with height. I don't know. I've never tried. You benched your beam, okay? You're really good. Yeah, that was it. We should invite him. I'm freaking out. Zipper likes that shit.

Yeah, we should get Ben Shapiro. Did he lay it on me? We should get Ben Shapiro and Destiny. And it's... No, it's how many holes are in a straw. But they both agree the whole time. But they also, yeah, and they have dynamite And it's... 101 basketball. No, it's how many holes are in a straw. But they both agree the whole time. But they also, yeah, and they have dynamite strapped to their balls.

And we can get Lex Friedman to commentate on the sidelines. So, uh, this is a straw. Local basketball game in Vence Neusler. Only used by these two white men. And then subline, quote, it's bad. It's bad. All right. Tell me why it's not a friend story. Anyway, it's not a friend story because I do other stuff.

For example, I invited very small people to the Lakers game. Dude. Did he invite you? Don't call him that. It's fucking Nick Engling. Dude, imagine this. Ludwig pulls up to the Lakers game, box seats. It's all of his friends, but they're not.

They're little people dressed as the people he would have invited. So there's like little Mango, little Joe. He's got a little basketball court in there. He's dunking on them. Little shake drizzle. And he's saying, when I'm in the key, when I'm in the key, you can't stop me. And he's lording over them with his like weird doppelganger like little person posse. That would be-

That's so fucked up that you do this. I would- first of all, I do do this when we play basketball already. Alright, I treat you like little people already. And he goes to the concession stand and starts feeding all them hot dogs. Yeah, and he makes them jump like raccoons. He makes them jump and he just stops feeding them hot dogs. Why am I so mean to them? This is- why are you like this?

I don't know either. That's what we're wondering. I invited you, you, and you to go to watch a basketball game. I have a great reason. I'm not mad that you didn't go but this- I'M DEFENSIVE! It refutes the fact that I have a basketball slurry. I should just say that. Well, it's still a basketball

slurry if you think about it. It's a friend slurry. It's not a friend slurry. Then why not do- I just don't believe literally brought up another activity that I did. Okay It's all around basketball, which you don't care about cuz you're from New Hampshire. Actually if you look at my YouTube recommendations, it's basketball skateboarding That's all what happens into you toe. How'd you become cool? Yeah, how'd you become cool? Hori gumball? What why are you catching the Hori gumb'd you become cool? Horigomo. What? Why are you catching up on this? Don't say Horigomo. Horigomo. Why?

Horigome. Because that's not his name. Horigome. You're the one studying Japanese right now. Oh, Wakari Mashita. Wakari Mashita. Kiri Yorisalve. That's a new one.

You should just learn to say that in Japanese, and then someone else can transcribe it. That's kind of how Japanese works sometimes is you just say the English word in the Japanese accent and then you write it out in katakana and it's like, oh shit,

that's a real word. I mean, that's my biggest concern right now with society. Japan is the lack of honesty. Honesty's dead. And Ludwig is sort of the, he's like champion.

You think we could go get it back in Japan? You think maybe we left fire fine. I don't leave shit in Japan fucking shit To be clear there, they're not the honest honest bunch there. Yeah, they're filled they hate you, but they'll be nice to your face They got cheating legal you think that you think the Japanese are cheating? What is it you said? We're cheating on their spouses. It's legal everywhere. I'm saying it's kosher. It's not legal everywhere.

Well, it's because if it's a prostitute, it's not cheating. That's the Japanese way. Is that what they say? Yeah. Well, some, not all Japanese people. That's what the guys say. Yeah. That's also what a lot of the women, to be fair, lot of the women that I'm watching this, we're watching the same

stream interviews, a lot of the women also agree. They're like, if he's paying for it, what? If he's paying for it and he tells me it's chill. So they only care that there's no love. Yes. Wow. What if you're like, I paid but also I fell in love. I paid but also if she asked

me to do that without paying her big yen. Big yen. without paying her, big yen. Big yen? I only paid the biggest yen. By the way, it's still Ben Franklin. I go to Japan and I don't play ball for less than a rack. The yen is still Ben Franklin. Ben Franklin also wasn't president of Japan.

That's why he's so famous here. I'll bring honesty back back man. I'm sorry I said I'd be five minutes late, and I was nine minutes more than five minutes. Oh But you're using language to make it sound like you're it's a one-digit Only nine minutes late now. It just sounds better I think I think that is a year from now if someone tried to remember this moment They'd be like I think he was like nine minutes late. I remember oh, you're Nine minutes later killed I said you guys you killed it honestly instead and you killed it and I in Mac it basket

So Mac it basket the thing is it is dead and Mac it basket. So Mac it basket. The thing is, it is dead. And I killed it because now only, only, only people want me for work.

Because I want to lie with my, with a lover. And they don't want me for me. And so, you know what pisses me off? Let me look you in the eye. I've always wanted you for you.

I need you for work. Are you ever thought about this, love me? You ever thought about this? Maybe we, we tried wanting you normally for so long to, to no avail

that we started accessing you through work. Because the only place you're available. Aiden's only ever wanted me for my work body. You pay me money for work. You pay him money for it. So I have to do it. I don't even fucking want to pay you. Do you want his work, though?

Yes! Because it sounds like you don't want that. Yes! Because when he asks you to help him with work He's like, oh my god! I think you pay me $83,000 a year Aiden, you gotta raise Huh? You gotta raise I did, that's what I gotta raise to

Which is great. No. I'm not unhappy The raise is above that. Oh. That's cool. That's awesome Hey, nice. Maybe I did the math wrong Great. And your bonus! That's what you pay me And I'm calling you. You guys get bonuses? Yeah, he gets a bonus. He's carving out.

Yeah, I'm taking it all. I should milk you for everything you fucking have. So anyway, I have an idea because we're friends. And I feel like a lot of our conversations are based around work. They're about work. What if I stopped paying you? That way you didn't feel like, you know, that way. That I have to work.

What if it was you hanging out when you took a meeting with him? So like me and you, I don't pay you anymore. You still do the work. But I don't pay you anymore. No more paying. There's no money for to work. What if it was you hanging out when you took a meeting with him? So like me and you, I don't pay you anymore. You still do the work, but I don't pay you anymore. No more paying. There's no money for the work. And then now when we hang out, I'll just be two bros hanging out because you're not working for me, but you still do the work. Also, the idea that you do the work because you're not doing it for money, the only thing

you can get from it is like the rewarding sense of doing it. Right. Because you're my friend. That's what friendship's my friend and i just want to cooperate with you because you will still be talking about work which i think is your problem with it all yeah that's no that still has to happen he doesn't like he doesn't like this when i call him and i'm like by the way we need to pick an artist for the commission and he's like i don't play ball for less than a rack. I'm like, this doesn't have to do with numbers.

Actually, you just have to look at the pictures on Twitter. And he did do it. I do my job. Okay. Why is it so fucking hard to love you, man? Look, man, it's because Aiden's strategy is much different than others. He has a bombard strategy. Okay.

I don't blame him. What the fuck is he supposed to do? He swallows you with love. I try not to bombard, but this thing was very time sensitive. Schedule in a 30 minute. Do you not schedule a 30 minute? Schedule in a 30 minute? He's never scheduled a 30 minute.

No. Were you aware that this is something he would have liked? No. Because scheduling on his calendar has never worked. Oh, that's so hurtful I use it actually actually I have no idea if it works it maybe it works in the off-brand era I haven't tried it does okay talking about okay Now now the ball now the balls in mind the balls in your in the corner

This is not indicative of Ludwig's norm But there's an off-brand meeting That's just called Ludwig homework time And it's not even all capitalized Like it's the only meeting that looks like it was Written by Ludwig And it's like two hours long

Like it's like on the calendar it's very long And I was like what is this meeting so I joined one And I'm in it and I'm like There's like 20 people in it There's so many people in it And I was like what is this meeting so I joined one and I'm in it and I'm like It was like so does like 20 people in it There's so many people and I'm like what we all do it was low waiting for Ludwig and then Ludwig missed that Only that one you don't normally miss Ludwig homework time Missed that one and I was like oh, I guess Ludwig's not coming we could all go and I never learned what it was We can't talk about it on the record

learned what it was that day. I was like, what is that meeting? We can't talk about it on the record. What the hell? It's off the record. I don't own it. Hey, all you need to know is that the calendar is working. Sorry, OB employees only. Let me tell you this.

I have access to everything. Did you watch Oppenheimer? Yeah. Do you know when Robert Downey Jr. is being deposed by like 20 different senators? Yeah. That's what it's like. It's the shakedown. It's that.

It literally is that. And it's also in black and white. It's in black and white. And I have to make so many decisions within a two hour period. Oh, so it's like a decision like a gauntlet. Yes. Whoa. Ludwig's a cat and an iPad that has fish on it.

Yeah. And he's like swatting some away. He misses a couple. But he gets most of them. Yeah. Because he's good. He's been doing it. And the ocean's better for it you know how when you came in the other day and and auto just typed in data into

his console yeah this i had the exact same moment i i walked in and auto has a button plugged into a computer and when he pushes the button a bunch of zeros switch to one on the screen And then when he unpresses it they all switch back to zero. I'm like this is like a gag What does he know? That's why I felt like I was being pranked. Yeah, what does he know? He's like hey Aiden can you be quiet I'm about to hit the button I need quiet time. And then he just presses and turns the voice and starts screaming And then they just press it in turns the voice are screaming.

Oh man. Do you think that you're out of touch with the normal human being? No. I'm really good at Cuscodal. What? That is the Mexican

serpent god? What? Let's play around. Zipper pull up Cuscodal I want to see how slim it is. Let's see how untouched slim is. Cuscodal. Oh.

Guess the price of Costco goods. Cuscodalouched slime is. Costco. Oh. Guess the price of Costco goods. Costco-dle. I'd go to Costco. Then you should be great. You should do well. You should be great. You haven't entered a grocery store in how many years? I went last night. What'd you get? I got ice cream. Last night. And the guy said, Dude, wow, I didn't know like streamers went to grocery stores.

I thought you would like order everything. That guy's me. And I was high smoking a spliff on my way. So I was like, yeah man. I'm just here like order everything. That guy's me. And I was high smoking a spliff on my way. So I was like, yeah, man, I'm just here ordering ice cream. You know how it be. He's like, that's crazy. And I was like, it is. 50 Lays Costco. All right.

It's a 50 pack of Lays. Yep. Yep. Damn zipper. You actually taste like the Super Bowl. So you have to guess the price and then I'll tell you what the arrow means. $29.99. $29.99. That's a crazy guess. So you have to guess a price, and then I'll tell you what the arrow means based off. $29.99.

$29.99. That's a crazy guess. That's a crazy guess. My guess is lower than that. It should be way lower. Red arrow down means you were more than like 20, 30% off. $19.99. Oh, that's really close to my guess.

$19.99. The year that Nick was born. Still way too high high $50.99 Still too high, but will worry reasonably it's so cheap $9.99. No okay, okay? I'm just throwing in but that's that's way too way too low $1.99 Dude come on dude $13.99 Yeah Dude come on dude! 13.99 Yeah! Dude that was close!

Oh 14.99. Oh so you have to be within a certain range You have to be within a certain amount. It was 14.49 Uh yeah that makes sense. I was wrong My guess was 17.99 I woulda guessed 15 on the dot and got it You know what I actually haven't bought potato chips in a hundred years so that's why. So I have a question for you. Are you out of touch?

Are you out of touch? I don't think I'm out of touch. So you go to Costco, you just don't notice the people there? No. Dude, if you told me what a fucking 18-pack of Waterloo cost, I could tell you. I could translate that into fucking... To be clear, anyone who buys things

can tell you what that thing costs. I'm just saying, I don't buy Lays, bitch. I could translate that into any currency ever. Do you what that thing costs. I'm just saying, I don't buy lays, bitch. I could translate that into any currency ever. Do you think that costs total? What? Wait, what? Yeah, what's a damn thing? You can translate that into, like, yen?

I could use that, yes. I could use that as a basis for any sort of, like, what do you call it, denomination? Yeah. Yeah. What? Because I like them. They're nominations?

No, yes. Different currencies? All denominations of everyone So I have no reason to dislike so chill of you. You're my idea. I had on the way over here So you know how you know how million dollar? Oh, you know how I don't think it is hot type more one million dollars. I don't want to tell that with that You've had a track record of a lot of great million dollar ideas. I know.

And I want to hear this one. All right, I'll tell you. You can't laugh. And put your fucking phone away, you piece of shit. I'm not laughing. No, he's checking to see if it's an idea yet. This is important. It's a text from Nick saying, when I go on the pod, I have a million dollar idea.

Please don't ignore it. Okay. Nick, what's his idea? I didn't send that. You know how Hot Topic, how Hot topic how hot topics like they get licenses and they sell people's ip yeah yeah duff beer yeah stuff so we open a restaurant and it's only the food from the cartoons oh and so you could go get the pretty patty from SpongeBob and there's a Ghibli section. That's the secret secretly a bomb we Shops there dies You can get duff beer and

Alcohol so it's like what they do at Universal with the fucking the Harry Potter like all of it hate like some hot topic like or box lunch like yeah buys the IP of every Hot Topic-like or Box Lunch-like buys the IP of every or licensing for every cartoon ever. And it's a big Home Depot of food from all the cartoons. Let's bring this to the business, man. Thoughts?

You have capital that you could invest. I think you could make millions. That's what I've been saying! I think it would cost more millions than you would make. No, it wouldn't. I think that.

I think that. How much does it make to make a cartoon? I think the question is how much does it cost to buy the IP, right? No, because you just gotta make the cartoon. Oh, so you wanna make the cartoon? No. You just said that. No, I didn't.

Okay. So we're back to buying it? We're buying the IP? We have to buy it. That's really expensive if we buy all the IP. It's not. How expensive could it be? Fucking Hot Topic does it all the time.

I think Disney specifically, they just shit out that. Hot Topic owns Disney. They do let you oftentimes take it. I don't think Hot Topic is a flourishing business. I think oftentimes they also take just maybe a percentage cut. Yeah. They just shit it out. And you can put Iron Man dildos everywhere.

I made this Fortnite hoodie at the Flamingo. Oh, no. At the... Yeah, at the Flamingo. What is that? In Vegas. Why do you keep saying... Oh, the casino?

Yeah. Yeah. There's a little guy there. Well, he's a normal... There's a guy there. He's like a gnome. That weaves hoodies for you. And he's like, three rupees.

I will make you. And you can just buy the licensing to a design and then put it on a piece of clothes. And it was $90. So there's some money in the licensing. Okay. The selling, the reselling. This is a big breakthrough. There's big money in licensing.

I know. Many have said that. And so we buy the licensing to the SpongeBob Pretty Patty. Okay. You see? And then we do like a, we get Mr. Beast Burger, Smash Burger or someone. Yeah. We just, you know, we put dye on them.

We put food coloring on them. I'm trying to think that this idea is just sell licensed products. It is. It is sell licensed products. But a lot of them. Here's the thing. I've had the same idea. I hate to break it to you. I'm working on this right now. I'm doing this. But a lot of them. Here's the thing. I've had the same idea. I hate to break it to you. I'm working on this right now.

We're doing this. But it's real, and it's my job. Because this isn't about selling a licensed product. It's about selling it. Really? Because it sounds like it is. No, you're a piece of shit. It's selling the idea of eating fictional food that you thought would be good in real life.

Yes, dude. You can eat more selling, and it also comes in the box. All the bugs in Bugs Life. The patty patties. The bugs in Bugs Life, I would fucking slurp them down so good. Yeah, and you can eat Gus., what you can eat more selling, and it also comes in the box. Oh, the bugs in Bugs Life? The patty patties. The bugs in Bugs Life, I would fucking slurp them down so good. Yeah, and you can eat Gus, the German caterpillar. You know what I actually did want to eat as a child? Was the bugs in Lion King.

Yeah, they looked good. Because Tomell and Pumbaa made them look so good. They looked fucking good. I meant Lion King. I said Bugs Life. You can get, you can get. I meant Lion King. That's crazy.

I was like, you just wanted to eat the, like, I thought he was talking like you just wanna eat the- Yeah the bugs don't eat the bugs. No. I meant life. I thought he was talking about the grain and the sea- Eating the bugs? Eating the bugs? Jesus. The bugs life is fucked up cause you're just eating- they're presumably like screaming while you make them.

Yeah the main characters are just chewing on their skulls. Dude I wanted to eat that guy so bad. Yeah yeah. Is that you on Reddit 10 years ago going I must say the bugs in the Lion King look delicious. Yeah. That could be me. His name had an insane slur in it that's why it's a deleted account. I must say the bugs in the Lion King look delicious. His name had an insane slur in it. That's why it's a deleted account. So yeah, we do this and he's like,

I want the Lion King bugs. Ooh. And then you eat it. I did this at Tokyo Disney. They had like an Avatar blue drink. I think this is fucking stupid. I got to drink their blood. I got to drink the Avatar's blood. It was blue. It was like a blue lemonade.

It's not stupid. I think it's fucking stupid. Why? You'd want to go there. Because? Because you'd want to eat the sushi. The margins on food is very small. The margins on fucking your brain are small.

We do it fucking Dan Aoki style. He was the genius, okay? He made it so that... Yeah, he was a DJ. There's no... He cut down on server costs. Pursuit of happiness. Yeah.

No, but we do a Benny Honest thought. Oh. And it cuts down on so much labor, production, all kinds of shit. Here's what I think we should do. Okay. Because I like the IP idea. I would like to get Timon and Pumbaa IP, put somebody in a Timon and Pumbaa costume or any character you like, Ghibli, and then upcharge people because you need people

to be paying a primo, thousands and thousands. Primo. You know what people don't like doing? Getting the vaccine. Colonoscopies. Getting the vaccine. Getting a little finger up the ass. Tickle, little tickles. Imagine if you didn't get it from your favorite

character. You're talking about medical procedures? You're saying the Disney doctor? The Disney doctor. Oh my god, she would go every week. Yes! That's what you're trying to do, you're trying to get her to go to the doctor. Pick your favorite Disney character or villain. And the villain's a little more aggressive with your ass.

Ooh, yeah, like Jafar. Jafar. Dude, I think we're gay for Jafar. I think we automatically thought about Jafar looking into our asshole and we were like, I think we like that.

Jafar would be like, you don't even need to paint killers. Yeah. Okay, man. I want... Yeah, man, thank you. I will make this hurt

for you. Eastern European Jafar. I'm Jafar now. Aladdin the man! Alright, man. There's so many fucked up I don't want Ursula to be given exams Why? She'd say get on the scale

As long as you see a movie I think there's a fetish problem here though Because I think like I think there's a fetish problem in America Oh fuck you With voting democrats And I think it stems a fetish problem in America Oh, fuck you With voting Democrats And I think it stems from the Odyssey problem Well, it's not getting crazy

I think that's an overstep We call that a logical fallacy in the Republican side of things What? We call that a straw man And you're cherry picking the goalposts That's all about the ad homonym They could add this at a Universal When you go into Mario World

And you could just go To the doctor And then Dr. Mario Dr. Mario Oh that's fucked up Real Dr. Mario You guys are holding on to that one

By the way A scientist told you the truth That's so fucking You guys are coping Just know that I'm the scientist now And you guys are the Anti-war scientists I should have DDT'd

Hank Green in the parking lot That would have been lit I shouldn't have let him get away with it. He comes in with a cartoon cast. He's got a big neck collar now. He's like, hey guys. Yeah, that's right.

Do you think Hank Green... You talk about him a lot. He's doing the segue thing. I was just thinking about it. It's just really funny how he didn't go on Hassan's show, man. Yeah, I only thought it was kind of funny that he didn't go on Hassan's show. I'm not going to say fear and he didn't go on Hassan's show because that is what happened. And the reason it gets funnier and funnier, the more shows he goes on.

It's crazy. That he's been on. It's like we're going to see him show up on fucking four-side fights. I'm learning shows exist from Hank Green guesting on them. And we'll never see him. Why won't he fucking come over? What did we do? What did you say fuck 50 for?

I saw him had to go to Texas to feel better. To feel something? To feel something. He had to go talk to animals and kangaroos. Yeah. It's called the Austin Tour. It's a pilgrimage streamers make

when they want a viewership bump. It's like a mecca. It's like mecca, yes. God, that's so funny. I thought the Austin Tour was when he goes to Venice Beach.

What that? You could have done something blue. This is blue. I know, I couldn't get there. This is blue. I'm thinking about red. It's going to be next. It's just fucking blue. Yeah, done something blue. This is blue. I know I couldn't get there. This is blue. I'm thinking about red. It's gonna be next. It's just fucking blue. Yeah, it's blue. This is blue.

We're thinking about making red next. That's crazy. Dude, I get it. No yellow. Wait. What? Last night I had a Diet Coke. No way. I get it. You get it, right? I get it. Thank you. Oh my god. Guys, when you hit your 30s, just switch. Stop. I'm not there you hit your 30s just switch stop

I'm not there yet. He closed he jumped on it early. It'll fuck with his teeth, but that's okay What jump on it because it's it's doesn't even fuck with your teeth. No your tea your tea. Oh your testosterone or tea What yeah, you're it's done. It's over because I'm one DC.? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? Yeah, you fucked up. Why are you saying yeah? I just like when he talks. Am I too young and disconnected from this topic? To have a DC? To enjoy it? To know what this is about? Diet Coke.

Yeah, I know it exists. I don't know. The Diet Dr. Pepper. It's... It's... Say it again. Diet... Diet...

Diet Pepsi. It's just yummy. It was just good There's like a meme Kind of of people saying Nothing hits the diet coke It's weird And so Ludwig's kind of saying I see it, I get the hype

And you two believe in this I wanted a sweet treat and then I got a Diet Coke instead. Last night. I think genuinely they're like the cigarettes of drinks. That's fair. So they're bad for you. My mom, she used to just fucking pound Diet Coke. Just like three a day.

Yeah. I see your face. Might you hear the computer fans spinning up? Yeah, it's hard to warm up like I opened your face. Might you hear the computer fan spinning? Yeah, it's hard to warm up like I opened a war zone. And naturally, you know, being her child, I started drinking Diet Coke. And I, and she likes it fancy. She puts it in a glass with ice.

She's an elegant. You weren't there. So you weren't there. She's so elegant. She's such an an out you were there Have you ever had the cash she doing it wearing a giant coke did she do it wearing a dress typically nope Okay, that's it. Just shoot close. Yeah, maybe close maybe a nightgown But it didn't matter you guys are talking about whether she looks you'll hear this And what I would like to say she was beautiful in anything

Okay, go on right. I'm not gonna say anything else It's it's the weird thing is that I didn't really have a good sort of like interesting point So I've just now I'm just kind of having to deal with Yeah, you just you just basically open my baby want to say I also like Diet Coke yeah Wow you open the door there was a bunch of spikes on the ground you're like. I'm gonna walk in here Yeah, it's not anymore business. I tried it recently cuz I was like Like I started drinking coke again not like it home like at like a restaurant Like I've been good. I'm gonna have a little coke with my meal. That's crazy. Why is that crazy? Cuz like I've been good Let me have 40 grams of sugar and not be good at all even a little bit. What do you do?

I've been good all day. I'm gonna do weed which should be illegal. It's actually like that to be like, oh, I'm a good all day Let me have a cigarette. Oh, that's what you do. No, I don't. That's what you do. I haven't smoked a cigarette in six weeks. You go, oh, I'm in Francais. I can have a cigarette because I'm in Francais. Oh, I'm in Francais. I don't have a cigarette. Oh, I'm smoking my cigarette. Oh, it's this long. Oh, I must have my very long cigarette. Time to eat it.

Time to eat it like a... Like some sort of... Pixie stick. ...real-life scene baguette. Your accent's getting more racist by the day, I want you to know. Racist? Yeah. You cannot be racist to the day. I want you to know. Racist? Yeah.

You cannot be racist in the French. Against the goal. The goals? Yes. No, don't do this again. Oh, why? Because they're not a race. They were a race. No, they weren't.

Different than other races. No. They weren't. They literally were. Only race I know is human and Daytona 500. That's what I would say. Yeah, man. He's doubting himself

more by the second and that one Adidas crossover that Pharrell did I love that one that shit that shit was beast so I had a diet coke

didn't like it didn't fuck with it and here I am in front of you in front of God and all your friends I think there's so many things

I want to bring to the table right Ludwig has out of touch honesty is dead honesty table right well do we has out of touch Honesty is dead. Honestly, we proved you're out of touch. I'm wearing a heart monitor right now. Did you guys know that? Why? Why? Do I see it? Yeah, I have to uh, it's called the Holter monitor. I have to measure my beats for 24 hours Yeah, me in the studio. Oh Shit, let me see, let me see

That's crazy. Wow is that a bomb? Do you think we could give it to Otto? I wish. And he could like fuck with it? I've been speaking into it a lot. I've been like telling the government my secrets. Oh, great. I'll try to throw them off my trail. Yeah.

Yeah. Otto could make it like it could like turn you gay. What is it? That's what we're doing today. With only ones and zeros. What does it prove? What does it? It measures your beats and it measures like heart rhythms.

Arrhythmia. Arrhythmia. I have irregular heart beats. It's calledrhythmia. Arrhythmia. I have irregular heart beats. It's called arrhythmia. Is this related to sparring? Don't tell me what I am. Is this for sparring? No.

I have this and doctors are always confused and they're like, your heart sounds weird. And I'm like, I'm so cool though. And they're like, I don't think that's cool. And then they always come around. They always go, it's cool. They always do that. And they always make me wear the device. Just make sure to not get punched really hard

anytime soon. And you go, I'm going to spar. Yeah, and I'm like, you got it, doctor. Jafar just wants you to be healthy. Jafar. Dude. Oh, God, they'd be such terrible doctors. Well, I think the problem, like,

like, Cutie would go to the Disney doctor, right? Yeah. Which doctor do you think she would choose the cheshire cat you're so quick you think you were so i have to believe what if that's not on the menu no it is they have to be human at the cartoon doctor they're all they're all there that means you're employing so many doctors wait a right now. You're saying the doctors have to be humans? I do think that's part of it, yeah. Weird.

That wasn't very present in your Dr. Mario argument. What the fuck are you talking about? What do you think he is, a cat? Sometimes, actually, if he takes a certain mushroom. The yum yum fruit. Then he starts pawing on shit. When he eats the paw paw fruits. Should we do Cheshire Cat? Should we do Cheshire Cat?

Should we do Cheshire Cat? I would go to Mickey Mouse because I think the glove would feel low-key pretty good. Homo Nintendonus. They made a race for him? The fictional race of humanoid organisms known as Nintendo Men. Wow. What the fuck? This is some fanfiction shit. But they are from the Earth. I don't wanna hear this. Yeah, no, no, no, this is from all species. Mario is Italian! This is from the All Species Wiki. This is some fanfiction shit. But they are from the Earth. I don't wanna hear this. Yeah, no, no, this is from all species. Mario is Italian!

This is from the all species wiki. This is good. This is actually what the comments are. What else is on there? Zipper, can you go on there and we can find out about more species? His name's Mario. His name's Mario Mario. Find me another species. I wanna see another species. I wanna learn. Oh! Okay. We're species. Is that what we look like?

Yeah, uh. Wait, what if you do wiki race, but you have to get to us as a race? Human beings? Yeah. From like, I don't know, from, uh, from Avatar. What if, no, what about wiki race, but you have to get to like human as a, as a person, but like, cause no one's going to say that in the Wikipedia article. They're not going to be like like George Clooney is a human male

and it's like blue link they might on all species you can get to human really easily you've always you've always you gotta search love

I've I'm a gamer eh mm duh Ben I oh Aiden did you I'm having to see

my most recent YouTube video or hear of it yes oh the cheating one that sports psychology guy was funny he was funny yeah Aiden, did you... I'm having to see my most recent YouTube video. Did you ever hear of it? Yes. Oh. The cheating one? That sports psychology guy was funny. He was funny. Yeah.

Yeah. It was cut really well. He had a couple zingers. In it, Aiden, you might have noticed that I cheated in the show match that I beat you in. Yes. Which you did not know at the time. I did not tell you. I didn't know either.

No one knew. Did you know? I knew. I was the only person on my team that knew oh you did know did you know map one yes okay because when i came into the room you were really upset and i was like it would be awkward to tell him now i like i like aiden loving gaming so much that he would fuck the vibes with lily pichu in the room i think that he was you were fucking the vibes after all anyone talked about was

how fucked your vibes were. Lily told me that she doesn't want to hang out with you anymore. No, no. She actually fucked with it because you bought Fragged Below her in map one. So she actually made her really happy. Yeah, she was like it's okay champ, you'll get there. Well, she always says, she goes, everyone has bad games. Because it makes her feel better about

her bad games, which are numerous. Were you upset that I cheated and then destroyed you? No didn't care that you're cheating i just wanted to play better and i played bad did you know that's why i was that's why my vibes were fucked i was trying not to like you know not be pissy or anything i was just quiet do you know what do you know i didn't cheat map two and three and still beasted on you you didn't clear, you didn't beast map two. I got two kills. You guys lost 13-1. Okay.

I beasted in that one round. Don't say I got two kills. It's meant to help you there. You got three, so let's not talk too loud. I got seven kills. Wait, you were raised. You got three kills. Oh, I was raised.

Were you Cypher? No, I was Jet. You were Cypher? I was Cypher on your team. I shit my pants a lot more times. You got three. Yeah, I was jet you were cypher. I was hyper on your team Three Just better for the narrative video to not cheat the whole time I feel like that was the case I actually was planning on cheating the entire time and then the sports psychologist was like don't cheat dude You should I think you can do it like off cam. He kept saying he's like don't cheat man

And I was like, I'm not. And also video games are gay. The other thing he thought. He's like, yeah, you should. Is there a way to add more contact with the joysticks? Like you need more contact. Don't cheat, dude. So I didn't cheat.

You should play a game with like helmets and gear. You should have asked the sports. I called it. What do you think of the gray sweatpants challenge? And then you can stand up and you can show them the print of your penis. What is that? What are you talking about? You don't know what the gray sweatpants challenge? No, but I'm wearing gray sweatpants and. And then you can stand up and you can show them the print of your penis. What is that? What are you talking about? The gray sweatpants challenge? No, but I'm wearing gray sweatpants and I feel uncomfortable. You're just

a guy wearing gray sweatpants and that's the gray sweatpants challenge. But you said something about the penis. Yeah, because the gray sweatpants just do a better job of accenting the shape of your penis compared to other colors and how shadows show. Yeah, you can see the crisp outline of a glands. It's in us in gray sweatpants

Male boudoir a glands the glands penis is the tip of it is it it's the little helmet man Like to say is acorn on pelvis is hidden away. What Nick Haley likes to say is acorn on pelvis. Which he was saying a lot yesterday. That's like pants on head. Yeah. Dude, you are acorn on pelvis right now.

But he says it about himself. He likes to say it about himself. Dude, I was trying to text Yingo yesterday because we were trying to sell something and I was like, yeah, just sell it

for like the MSRP. And then he replies, what? And I'm like, okay, so the MSRP is basically like the price that you would sell it at and then he follows up again he's like dude what are you talking about this is not meant for me and then i realized i'd sent the text to nick v and i just assumed it was not understanding

all he texts me out of nowhere is like i can sell it to you mRP. And I said, what are you talking about? Oh, okay. No, so yeah, he just didn't know what MSRP is. But I thought it was Yingo not understanding it. And so then I text Yingo and I'm like, let me try again. And I go, sell it to MSRP. And he's like, all right, boss. And I'm like, I should have had more faith. Yeah, it is really funny to assume he doesn't know shit. I mean, we don't know that he didn't know.

No, well, I texted him. I followed up. What's MSRP? No, no, but what I'm saying is he could have not known what MSRP was, just said, yes, I'll do it, sir, and then looked it up, sweating. Or just sells it for a dollar.

Yeah. I have a video for you guys that I want you to watch. Oh. Zipper 3 showed me this yesterday, and it's the... Who's the lead in salt burn that plays oliver he's in oh timothy shall we go uh spongebob fear conch club no it's not fear conch anyway it's that guy oh it's um jacob lordy is it the bear for teckan i don't know how to say his last name uh barry but this is a clip of Barry. I sent this to Zipper on Discord.

And it's one of his early films where he's speaking in a North Dublin accent. And I want you guys to see if you can figure out what he's saying. I had to watch it, I think, 12 times. I got this. I'm going to paste this. He's from Dublin. It's so hard. Is it like, you ever see Snatch?

Brad Pitt in Snatch? Much harder than Snatch. Oh, wow. Yes. And also, this clip reminded me. I brought this up on the podcast. hard is it like uh you ever see snatch brad pitt in snatch much harder than snatch oh wow yes and also this clip reminded me i brought this up on the podcast like i think like a year into the show of that old there's a melee player named mint who's from northern ireland and there's a clip of him playing melee with his brother where they say two sentences back and forth and nobody in uk melee could understand them and everybody's like dying laughing watching this clip at a tournament. They're like, can you figure out what he's saying?

And then we sent it to the Irish Melee scene to translate it, to parse the accent. And this is what, this is reminding me of it. Oh, dude, I love watching it on TikTok. All he taught you, I'm gonna do. All he's saying, he's a freak. Why is he asking me to the bushes for? No way.

All he's saying to me is that I'm gonna hit him next to him myself. Dude, that's crazy. Dude, isn't that fucked? That sounds like how hamsters probably think. I can only, without help, without help, I can only figure out the second part of what he says. help I could only figure out the second part of what he says No way Tommy look No way Tommy look That is insane

The middle part the second guy is like pretty easy to understand The last part is yo I'm hitting that henny tonight and that's kind of lit Dude I seriously I couldn't crack the code on the first part it's crazy I'm hitting that Henny tonight And that's kind of lit I couldn't crack the code on the first part. It's yeah, it's crazy. I want to do the subtitles Do you think the subtitles will say you usually say unintelligible? But the second part is the second part he says is I'm going to hit him the next time I see him. He said it with such positivity. Yeah, I know. I really expected it.

Because that's how you say I love you in Ireland. Is he doing a voice for that movie or is that how he normally talks? That's not his normal accent now. Dude. What the fuck? He does, he is Irish and his accent like is, you know, thick.

How do you learn to speak? I don't know. I mean go if he is Irish right he probably has more of like an actual familiarity with the Boy on the first part all the comments are just like did this do this dude is doodle Bob Well I think it's the same because like you can Doodle Bob was just an Irish guy in the show You can always tone down your accent And that happens all the time It's code switching Yeah, QD's watching this show called Dark Tourist

And it's this New Zealand guy But he speaks so mildly you barely can tell Because he's trying to present But this is also a sub-accent of Ireland Like if you go to Ireland this is not what Like if you go to the center of Dublin This is not what people sound like Yeah, this is also a sub-accent of Ireland. Like, if you go to Ireland, this is not what... Like, if you go to, like, the center of Dublin, this is not what people sound like. Yeah, this is what people from, like, the Shire

will talk to each other like. Samwise. The Shire of Ireland. Dublin Anders. Josh will do the same thing. If you get him, like, in a mode, he starts getting really Australian. You're like, fuck, man.

Don't be fucking talking to me like that. And it's, like, it's very exaggerated. And he was saying the other day, he's like, fuck man, don't be fucking talking to me like that. And it's like, it's very exaggerated. And he was saying the other day, he's like, I think I'm losing my accent. And I'm like, I don't think so. Just imagine I'm your brother. And then he snaps into this like snarling Australian. He probably is losing his accent though. Kinda.

And like if Australians were to just show up and then hang out, they'd be like, oh, Joshie, sounding weird. I don't think it works like that. You sound strange now, all American. You kind of click back. No, it does work like that. You snap back in.

Because my mom gets roasted every time she goes back to France. No. If it's been long enough, maybe. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you don't even eat the cigarettes. That's fascinating. Ma, paloma. Actually, my grandpa would be like,

he would always chew her out. Too American. You think you're a colonizer? Too much with the phone? Too much with the phone. Not enough with the cigarettes. Not enough with... Josh came over yesterday

and he played Aiden and... Sorry, Aiden came over yesterday. Played Josh in Melee because Aiden said, I want to work. I do. He put me to work.

I still want to play. It is... I can't imagine what it's like trying to learn from that man because he just was slaughtering Aiden. He made...

Dude, we played for an hour and a half I took two games. Took two games and then I would like come into the room he'd be like oh dude you just missed it the clown car came. Clutchy the clown. There's one day I'm coming over to practice Josh is Josh is 19th in the world and I'm fucking I had one game where I'm up three stocks to one and clutchy the clowns Oh, he's talking shit, and then as soon as I win one game. He starts complaining I win one game and dude I and he's just roasting me for how I play It's insane psychological damage because he was like he was like oh, so we're just not playing with by the rules

Because apparently Aiden she knows all the bunch I didn't times Crazy number to throw one moment or one game no in like the game But it made Josh keep bringing it up for like a half hour I will say Josh whinges yes about the game as if he was dogshit Yeah, I know but he's really Quality it felt you know I felt kind of good about this is like I'm just I'm getting worked like there was two games where he

Forestocked me back to back and I just like okay like just reset focus on some stuff like I'm just trying to make this as productive as possible in my head. It's just going so poorly, and he's beating me so badly. Then after we played basketball, I talked to Null about this because Null's quite a bit better than me. Null was like, same thing happens to me, man. I feel you. This is what Josh does to people.

It's like the second game to him is like finding out. He's like a bully in school, but not like, not in the way he is a bully, but he'll just find out what makes you tick and what makes you feel. This is what Miles did to me. This is why I became an angry drunk for years. No, Miles isn't that. Miles was just bent for that. He was more milder than Josh.

If I had Josh, I would have killed myself. No, Josh wouldn't have arced up at you like that. I would be gone. No. I wouldn't be here with you. I wouldn't be gone. I would be gone. Dude, he was comboing Aiden.

Aiden downed through him on a platform or something. And then Aiden tried to follow up. And then Josh did this insane slide off and got out of the combo. And Aiden's like, what? And Josh kind of pauses and he turns and he's like, I'm a professional player. It's so fucking funny. There was a, Mango was just like randomly went to lunch yesterday and he was just like, I hate Josh.

I don't know why he said that. He just said that. And I was like, you know, like, have you ever heard of Anthony's nickname for Josh? And he's like, no, what is it? He's like, Joshua the asker. Oh no. And Mango starts laughing and then he just starts thinking about it. He's like, yeah, Josh asked me a lot of stuff. Oh no. And Mango starts laughing and then he just starts thinking about it. He's like, yeah, Josh has asked me a lot of stuff.

Oh no. But he's just thinking about it in the sense that like whenever Josh does ask a question Mango's like, that counts. I see. So Mango's just like, yeah, he does ask a lot. And all night he's just like, yeah, he doesn't ask her. No! Oh, Josh is not gonna like this.

He said the other day, he's like, Mango just texted me eyes emoji. And he's like, it's like he's talking the other day, he's like, Mango just texted me eyes emoji. And he's like, it's like he's talking to a girl. And he's like, what does this mean? He loves eyes emoji. He does. I think it's because also one interaction we had where I hit him with the, I forget what it was. I was like, hey, do you want to game this Friday?

And then he didn't reply. And then I just double texted. I said, are you thinking about it, eyes emoji? And that's the favorite text that I've ever sent to him from his perspective. Yeah. Maybe it was funny because he'll have things in his head about you. He's like, that's the favorite. My favorite thing about you were the most the funniest thing you've ever done.

And I always like that because you get surprised. He's also a fucking asker. Not even an asker. A demander. He's a different. I was. I was on the ground stretching my ass out. OK, because you because I popped my ass, and my fucking implants are going everywhere.

Yeah. And I'm getting stretched out, and I need salt. And then Mango has a gaity. And he hands me his gaity, and before he hands it over, he goes, five gifted. Dude, that's crazy. And I'm on the ground writhing. So I'm like, all right, yeah, five gifted. He's like, yeah, I'm only at 6,000 now, so I need this.

I'm like, okay. That's so funny. What's happening to happening to twitch man what do you mean everyone's viewership did it fell off with honesty no viewership is up twitch is way you're a liar it's not i'm not twitch overall viewership down it's down no it's like hours it looks like it's down hours watch is up streamers streaming is up average viewership is up. Where are they? They're watching new people The old guard is dying. Why do you deny that they're down in Raymond? It's not that I'm not done. I look you're just fucking looking at the same old names from five years ago We were big you're like well, that's fucking right

Baby bear. Yeah, I'm old Jinxy Rizzo brekk, or whatever her name is. They're watching. What? Livvy? No, he's not. I was going to say Baby Rob Lilley. They're watching Jinxy.

They're watching Queso. It was. Queso? Yeah. He's in jail. No. No. Not.

No. Queso. Queso. Okay. They're watching. They're watching Speed. Dude, I know I'm fucking old now. Why, dude?

So I didn't know who K-S-O was until the Streamer Awards. Because he's nominated. I was like, I want to see what this guy is. And I watched a few clips and I was just like, I don't get it. Really? He's so famous, I don't get it. He just does the same thing I do, but with fat instead of short. And then I watched Jinxy 2, but I also saw him, and I was like, I super don't get that one.

Really? Do you think you'd feel the same? Like, I don't know these clips or these people or this context, but let's say XQC was in there, and try to imagine you've never seen XQC ever in your life. Would you still say, I don't get it? Yeah. Okay. Probably. But you get XQC. say i don't get it yeah okay probably you get xqc um you like get

it i don't get familiarity i don't get the the the consistency for him i get the initial like i could see him having a crazy career for like a year but he's had a crazy career for so long right that i don't get. Interesting. Because it's just like unintelligible. Now you are older. But at least with XQC, I think he's actually a more like

unique person. There's not a lot of people like him. Like, I think Kasey's doing the same shit everybody else did. It's no different than

Squeaks being like, Chad, I'm not bald. And then they spam comma when he puts his head down or me when I'm like,ad i'm not sure and then they're like five foot two and then for queso it's just like he does this thing where he'll play fall guys and he'll just leave messages on his playstation so just receive them publicly okay and it'll be like it'll be like uh queso's so progressive he lists his pronouns as fee fivefi-fo-fum or some shit like that. Because all his thing is like,

you're fat, and he's like, I'm not fat. And so that's why Queso's big. Is Jinxy the guy playing Rainbow Six? Yeah, Jinxy's the guy playing Rainbow Six. Is it all just different colored slop, but the same base of slop? I think it's evolved slop for the new generation new generation looking to what void are they filling with these new streamers the same void everyone's trying to

fill man the void they're feeling is that this this person is more mine right because it's like if you're watching an older streamer there's like this embedded culture and you have to like plug into it i think with new people it's like oh i was there during the come up and that means a lot or i mean rather like like what what makes an electrifying personality for the zoomers looking for new streamers like why do they like why do they like speed and jinxy and not like fucking whoever i'm not i think it comes down to like energy it's age giving attention age people their own age younger they're how old is Queso I think

I don't know how old Queso is I couldn't tell you but his energy I would guess he's like fucking 23 cause he yells and he's high energy at every single moment

and like I'm not doing that shit but I was 5 years ago you oh dude you felled off I didn't felled off I just got older why don't you still screen

cause I just it's not genuine to me cause you don't want to wake the baby I don't have I knew you were gonna say that I don't you still screen? Because it's not genuine to me. Because you don't want to wake the baby? I don't have a secret baby. I knew you were going to say that. I don't have a baby. He adopted?

I didn't adopt. Well, he's not a baby anymore. It's been like five years. Five years, yeah. Do you think that it's going to get... Do you think that you'll name it soon? Look, I don't like taking them away from the orphanage The work is good and we really need coal we need to get the call

Yeah, so but the hands are too big when they're adults their tiny little hands are good at grabbing the juiciest coal apples Their tiny little hands are good at grabbing the juiciest coal apples. Yeah, the coal apples, the diamond. Putting them in the basket. Zipper, can you pull up Twitch Tracker? Oh. We're going into stats. I'm just going to show it to you guys.

You've never changed ever. Yeah, I'm fucking on the tip. You've never once changed. I'm on the tip of the economy. This is, and I don't mean to disrespect your knowledge, I feel like I just looked at like a Twitch quarterly earnings report, and their hours are down. Site-wide. Uh, and then look at like

overall stats. I think it's under stats and it's overview. Jinxy has 158 Oh, is that subs? I don't know, it's hours watched. And then look at that fuck, look at that little green thing. That green thing, what does that say well green it says average viewers and then is that up or down oh it's rebounding a bit yeah it's up it's up over the past six months maybe we're just fucking now it did peak november 2020

and it had a very down year like last year but it's climbing right now that's what i'm thinking about interesting gotta you love data so much i just know it i know it it's in my job to know this but some people don't look at charts and they stay fucking swag look how that should go streaming is at like a plateau like it's been if you look at that graph right it's been a few years of basically being stuck at that amount right yeah because like covid it, because like COVID, it was fucking boom, boom. Yeah. But it's now on the uppie uppies for the first time. We all imagine different things that happen at the end of this chart.

I'm imagining if you zoom out, it just keeps going up. What are you guys imagining? I think it goes up forever. I'm imagining a big old pair of fucking... I think it goes up and then down and around. A pair of boots for cowboys. You know what I'm imagining a big old pair of fucking boots. I think it goes up and then down and around. A pair of boots for cowboys. You know what I'm looking forward to when Ludwig decides to quit his fucking career,

whatever you want to call it. He won't live here anymore, man. No. He'll move. Don't say it. I think about it all the time. No. Dubbin's going to quit, and he's out of here.

Oh. Mm-hmm. I'd ruin your fantasy. Where do you think he'll go? He'll go to like. Atlanta? France or Japan or he'll travel for the rest of his life. I was going to say, I'm looking forward.

He wants to make fucking. He wants a bakery. He's not going to open in Santa Monica. When he, when he fucking, here's the thing. When he, when he leaves us. No, not when he leaves. This doesn't involve you. We're not talking.

Sorry. I have some insight, but yeah. When he quits, I can't wait to start. Like, we can do whatever we want with him. Like, we can, like, make a movie with him. I have bad news. I have bad news. No, he'll still make the movie.

He's just not going to be around. No, man. Dubbin, I know what we could do. We could go. We could move to Andorra. We could start a science channel like Hank Green. Just me and you. We could start a religion.

Just me and... Okay. We could start a religion, me and you. Science channel. No, it's a religion. We me and... Okay. We can start a religion, me and you. Science Channel. No, it's a religion. We worship each other. You go to Guyana. We worship each other, and we're the only people allowed to be.

We worship each other's bodies forever. Can Nick England come, too? There's oil. No. It'd be better if it was just me and you. Me and you. And I worship you, and you can watch. Nick England can watch and pray to both of us, but we worship each other.

And we're oiled, but he's not oiled. No. Why not? He has the oil. This is really different than what I'm... but he's not oiled. No. Why not? He can't have the oil. This is really different than what I meant. No one's allowed to leave. He'd try to drink it. No one's allowed to leave or they'd die.

I think you should explore yourself. Yingo will kill whoever leaves. Without me. But what if he's so oiled that he can't be captured? He can't be captured by Yingo? Yeah. Because I'm too oiled. Come on.

Come on. Dude, we should oil up Aiden real fucking good and then release him in a field and we all have to catch him. Yeah. And wrangle him. And that's a video. That's me. And he's butt ass naked.

Yeah. I would do this. We're trying to get him. I would do this. We're trying to get him. We can't because he's super old. This is a million dollar idea. Of course I would do this.

We oiled up our friend and chased him in a public park. I think it'd be better if we did it at a baseball game. Oh yeah. Let him loose. Here's what we do. Here's content. We all get jobs as the security guards at the Angels, Anaheim Angels. Because we're gonna have

zero fans next year. Everyone's quitting. Shohei's gone. They're fucking in the dumps. What about Trout? He's gonna be injured again. Ooh. So anyway, He's also 400 years old. We all get jobs as security guards. We get all the jobs.

And then Aiden one day gets butt-ass naked, oils himself up. He streaks, and then we try to catch him, but we're filming the video. Yeah, and we're also bad at it, because we know, so we're like dropping video. Yeah, and we're also bad at it because we know. So we're like dropping like handkerchiefs that are rainbow colored. And then Aiden drops some bananas and we slip on them.

I drop like a watering pail out of my pocket. And it goes for hours. I'm going to keep pouring oil on my body while I'm running so that there's like little oil slips behind me. Like a con from Street Fighter. You just oil up everything. Mike Trout joins in to catch him at one point. There's like little oil slick like a con from Street Fighter Mike Trout joins in to catch him at one point a patch of grass in the baseball field is slightly different color You just fall into it This is a good idea should do this Don't catch me on time. I will light myself in fire

The oils kerosene better catch me You're like a monk. You're like a monk doing a sacrifice. I like the idea of like trying to catch Aiden, but it's he's so slippery. He just like like a banana He just squeezes out the top. He shoots out. Yeah. You good bro? Yeah, and you're sparring tomorrow, right?

It's just mucus in my throat. I'm gonna kill you. It's still gonna be there tomorrow. It's just an elevated temperature that's supposed to destroy the germs in my body. Dude, I'll hit the bag. I don't have a fever. I'll hit the bag for so long and be fine. Yesterday. Yeah, okay.

Yeah, I want to grease you up. Okay, but greasing aside, do you think you'll actually leave at the end of it all? Do you think you'll leave SoCal? Who knows? You've always liked California so much. Who knows? He doesn't want to be beholden to saying this answer. He can't raise his hand. No, because I'll die

in an explosion by that on my bike. You can come with me. I'll set you free. I just told you what we're going to do and you didn't seem into it and that kind of fucked me up. I just feel like you moved really fast, but now that I'm considering it, it's fine. You can fuck Aiden's brains out anytime you want. What if, you know, 10, 15 years from now, we all got kids.

You too. We all got kids. Fuck that, I get them from you. They're all going to school. You found one. You adopted them. You liked them. You kept them.

You and Josh take care of them. You still have Josh. All our kids are going to school. We're hanging out. We're being adults. We smoke a few Cubans every once in a while I'm on that shit now

you're smoking Cubans you're on Cubans come on convince me that's all I'm hanging out with yeah we get the game back together we move in one last time

we move in together after one last time yard reunion tour cause it's been gone for a while and the tour is just us living together

we live together and we're streaming oh and we're doing the podcast again just us Living together Quietly at our house We live together And we're streaming Oh And we're doing the podcast again And we're still taking care Of our kids Subathon That's such a depressing idea

I do the subathon again With kids We get swatted again We're like Ah No The same cops Same cops

They're all old They're really old They're fucking mean So you have to like Call them out of retirement No they're still Retiring They retire at like 15

No the pensions Aren't that good these days That's right. Yeah. What do you guys think? I don't like it. It's so depressing. Why?

You never fucking like my ideas. Why is it depressing, Slime? There's this, I watched the Elvis movie this week. You know that one? And it was like, he was at the end of the movie because he's like older and stuff. He's like playing in Las Vegas and like got this new group called the Jackson 5 coming up hot. And for the older crowd, Elvis Presley. Still pretty good.

And I was like, oh. And it's just like, it would just be a bunch of 40-year-olds watching us. Yeah, our fans would be watching us in TRL. Like, getting old is hard, because you still have to capture the hearts and minds of the youth and it's harder to do

let the other people capture the hearts and minds yeah but let other people fill their tastes yeah they're on fucking the daily and they do connections so we'll go fucking we'll go work at PBS we'll go work at PBS And we'll make a

Frontline documentary About an excuse Are you having Your quarter life crisis I'm not having A quarter life crisis Sounds like you are It's a midlife for him

Oh That's Oh bro What are we doing man That's fucked up Why don't you come Work at my bakery We don't have to

Capture anyone's minds We all come work At your bakery You never get rid of us We have to capture Their taste buds I just I feel

Just all the... Who do we do it for? Do we do it for the fucking dumbass annoying Zoomers? Don't we do it for the 35-year-old, the daily listeners? Don't we do it for each other? If you keep doing it, at that point, you're doing it for yourself. Do you do it for yourself? No.

Are we supposed to not do it for ourselves? No. He does it for a bunch of fucking... I don't do it for myself. He does it for bunch of fucking true. I don't do it for myself. He does it for a bunch of people. I don't do it for myself. He's a company of people to support. I do it for the people.

And I do it as good as I can. And one day I won't be doing it good. And then I'll stop. Run away love. So stonky. And I'll run away love. I just. Little Slime was only 30 years old.

Because it's like who... Trying to figure out what podcast is so cool. You meet someone who likes the show and you're like, why do you like this? Yeah. What do you like this for? You don't let that... They go, I love The Yard and I also like... Yeah, because I'm like, I don't think...

Mischief exercise stream. I don't think I would love The Yard. I think I'm funny. I don't think I would love The Yard. That's fucked up. But don't you like... I would love The Yard. Don't you love listening to it? You listen to all the yard. I think I'm funny. I don't think I would love the yard. That's fucked up. But don't you like listening to it? You listen to all the episodes. I don't. No? I don't do that. But don't you

love us? I don't know. What? He's just on one. I love you guys of course. You love smoking kind? I love smoking kind. You love good fucking pussy? Nick, I do love good pussy

I don't know dude. I don't know I just I know that we're funny But like the yard is an idea We're not as cool as pot about with i think you i think you're not as cool as that i think you're afraid to admit you may like something that someone you look up to you're unsure if they would like yeah but that's good it's okay that's fine still like it i like our show i think it's great do you think i learn more about that every time i know for a fact that they do that's crazy to me at least some of them i think there's probably a lot of them who don't but that's okay too that's fine yeah that's actually

less concerning to me it actually is more comforting maybe it's because like they don't uh it's like okay the decision has been like i don't think tucker carlson likes our show but he's like i think he's fucking with it he's one of the coolest fucking vibers i think he vibed with it i think he vibed with it i think he vibed with it. I think he vibed with it. I think he vibed with it. I think he'd be like, that's a good Ben Shapiro. Fuck. Fuck, they're good at this. God, they're good at that.

Oh, they do Benny so good. They're friends. They should do Tucker. They should do Tucker. Do the tuck. He's like, hey, on his alt, can you guys do a Tucker impersonation, LOL? We've done plenty of this. Please, they'd be like really cool.

What do you guys think about the show? I don't seek any validation from anyone else except for me. Yeah, you're not asking me. I'm answering the question. I think it's good. You can't, no, you can only ask me. But he asked you what you think about the show. You should only ask me.

I'm answering. If you ask Aiden, he'll be like, yeah, I like the show. I like my friends. I like my friends. No, I think he has thoughts. I'm answering the damn question, folks. You didn't really answer the question, though. I did.

You said you don't seek validation from anybody. Yeah, and then I got cut off. Okay, sorry. Is that the end of the question. I did. You said you don't seek validation from anybody. And then I got cut off. Okay, continue. Is that the end of the sentence? Mockingbasket. I'm sorry. What do you think about the show? It's one of the first worker co-op grocery chains in all of New England. There's 13 spread across New Hampshire.

I like it. I think it's a good show. What a ringing endorsement. No, I believe him. I like it it i think it's a good show that's it what do you like about doing i don't like doing it even a little bit really i hate where i sit what really zipper sounded offended there oh let's get let's get it all that's a problem this is our bobby lee moment that's what I was trying to find here. What does that mean? Bobby Lee has this fucking existential crisis on his podcast. He does that every episode of his podcast.

I've never seen it. I only saw the one, and I liked it. I only saw the one where he was on Impulsive, and then George quit. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Did you see that one? Yanko. Wait, so do you like doing it?

You don't like doing it? I just said I like the podcast. But you don't like doing it. What does that mean? I like doing it. I was just fucking around. You like doing it? I like doing the podcast. But you don't like doing it. What does that mean? I like doing it. I was just fucking around. You like doing it? I like doing the podcast.

Let me ask you this. Do you like doing it or do you not dislike doing it? Because I think those are distinct and different things. I like doing it. You don't mind the show. That's how it feels. No, I like doing it. It feels like, I don't mind it.

Ludwig always shows up. He cares about the show, obviously. Thank you. I think it's all there. Thank you. I think you're paranoid You're paranoid You sound fucking crazy

You are crazy You sound crazy You sound fucking crazy You might be crazy forever No You're never gonna fix No I'll never be normal And it won't change

Everything will be wrong What do you think about it Edmund? I love it I But I think My main reason for liking doing Doing it Is

Doing it With you guys let me ask you this i think sorry go ahead i think the validation of other people about the episodes has surprisingly to myself because i thought that would matter a lot more to me when we got when we started the show it mattered it matters a lot less to me than i thought it would and i like to me when we got, when we started the show. It mattered, it matters a lot less to me than I thought it would. And I like this because when we like moved and we started spending

less time with each other, it's like this nice way to spend time with you guys were really important to me. And that's the main reason I like it. He's friendship maxing. He's slurry maxing.

Like Dubbin for basketball. It's a podcast slurry. It's so different for basketball. So that is a friend slur. Oh Let me ask you this if this show put $200 in your pocket a month and that was it. Yeah, would you still do it? Yes, really? Oh, I still do it for sure there'd definitely be effort dropped in other places i feel like like i know you know what i wouldn't 200 so it's getting like like like 3 000 views an episode just somehow he is zipper

zippers on board too it's more like it's just a cosmic situation where the fed the fed is garnishing our wages well that's different i if that's that sounds resolvable i the only world i don't do it is if like episode one through fucking 100 get like less than 10k views we got the same amount of views but we just it makes us yeah then i do it $200 a month yeah i mean i don't look at the fucking amount of money i make from it so So the value of having, you know, being a content creator and getting views is... You can turn that into money. But if it didn't succeed as a podcast, I don't want to do it. He's not a robot. I think he's a robot.

You need... Go ahead. You need to... That stuff matters if you want to continue doing the thing you like. It's true. And he can like that stuff. He can like the thing he's doing and want to do it for a long time. Right. But you don't get to do it for a long time with all of your effort. If you don't figure out how it's a business.

I think it's also fair when like his life and his job, you're filled with other love and oil, but also a lot of other similar things, right? Where you're on camera recording and like doing that stuff constantly so this competes for that space in a way that it doesn't have to in in our lives i would say because this is like the main on camera thing we do so that i i would understand it from that perspective is like if you have to do videos and stream all the time adding one more similar

thing to the pile is tough if it's like providing no financial benefit yeah if there's like not the value it's like it's this is a re-skinned question of would you clean nick's house for 10k in a made outfit every month or whatever i think dubbin doesn't do a lot of stuff he doesn't want to do and he does the yard consistently every week it's true what do you what do you like about it's true fucker i think it's gonna look at me different now shut up i look around at other podcasts and I think that they're worse a lot of the time. Really? In a lot of

factors. In the effort output. Yeah. I think we care more about it. I think people, when I talk to people who have shows and I tell them about like our process or like that we listen to most episodes or like whatever, they're like shocked. Yeah. They're like, what? You do that? They're like, they're mind blown

and i i don't i've never really thought about that stuff i've just that's the bare minimum in my head for making something you want people to look at i do think you should care about it there's like this underlying idea that podcasting on the whole is kind of a lame medium but like the episode we did last week the hank green one that that was so good. It was a banger. He's a treasure as well. Dude, it's so... And he's helping by being him and like being there. But I think I was proud that that's our show and that we all are involved. Yeah, and followed by this one, which is, I think, so far, I don't think it's good.

It's fine. I don't think this is like a particularly amazing episode. You know, I have to add a rule on the Bad Melee podcast way back when I did it with Damien and Griffin. Because we would start just getting really meta and talking about the show itself. And I made a no meta rule. I hate meta. Why don't you talk about that? I hate meta.

Why don't you think about it? Because I think every once in a while, it's good to check in. Like you do with bad men. But it's more fun to guess if people think it's good and then be right or wrong than comment on it. Yeah, I agree. I think every once in a while, a good bad man check-in. I like a bad man check-in.

What is a bad man? Oh my God. Because you've never bad man checked in. I've never bad man checked in. No. What is it? And I say that as someone who missed most of the bad man check-ins

when Goku would get dropped in the group chat no it's Vegeta no it's Vegeta my bad I think I did one bad man check-in

and he has a repost but I do think having something like this once in a while for somebody who listens all the time it's like topics like this

are something that they they like to hear a little bit and give their opinion about sausage fucking or wonder what we think you want to see how the sausage is made in the festival do you want to see all the sausages in my festival uh i've seen your penis would you go to a sausage festival let me posture you a scenario. You've moved. And it's now, we've had kids. It's 10 years after his 15-year scenario. Dare I say 25 years later.

We've seen all each other's kids' penises. We got that one squared away. We all went to the pool one day. Let's get it out of the way. Get it out of the way. That was their circumcision. It was us seeing it. From here on out, show Uncle Aiden your penis. You're working with kiddos- From here on out- Show Uncle Aiden your penis.

You're working with kiddos. From here on out, we're not showing Uncle Aiden your penis anymore. That's not- He leans over. He leans over. It's bigger than an iPhone 30. Nobody- Yeah.

Bigger than the iPhone 30 and 6. Bigger than the iPhone 36. Whoa, the fuck? And- and sl- They're big in the future. They're as big as a game. They're bold. They only get bigger. They're bold.

And our hands get bigger too. Yeah. And so what is the match you're fucking you think of the episode like you're an idiot

you're fucking moron so I'm just closing in on his he's ending his his two-thirds life crisis yeah

and he's like I'm starting a sausage festival right I'm to interpretation at this point. He hasn't explained what it is. But he sends you an invite because you haven't seen it in years. I haven't seen it.

In years because you moved. Right. You don't really hit me up much. New job, kids. I'm gone. I'm gone. We're like, dude, how's the bakery going? How's the bakery?

I'm like, I never did it. What you've been up to, Simon. And he's like, I'm starting a sausage festival. And he gets you a been up to, he's like, I'm starting a sausage festival. And he gets you a beautiful invitation to come attend the grand opening. You open it and you're like, what's the hole for?

I would go. And there's no answer. I would love to go. I would love to go to your sausage festival. We're both old and wise. Do you bring your kids to the sausage festival you bring the

little little ones bring the kiddos every kid's kid remembers their first sausage festival no that's true every kid shows up

to their first sausage festival and they're like I just be worried it's not a place for kids why would you be worried

it's on the sign it's on the sign it's on the sign. It's on the sign. It's on the sign. It says Sausage Festival. Great for kids. Great for kids. Open to kids. There's rides.

There's rides. There's fucking. There's games. There's rides at Sausage Festival. I'd be worried about the kids riding at the Sausage Festival. What are you guys thinking about right now? I'm thinking of crossing the giant bratwurst. We call them sausage rides.

The sausage rides. Five cents. I'd be worried about it as well. We call them sausage rides. The sausage rides. I'd be worried about it as well. You know, I might avoid it. I might avoid that on hindsight. It's like Star Wars Disney where it's like all the currency gets converted into sausage coin. And you can use that to buy drinks and Gatorade. It's in Springfield, Illinois. Why?

A lot of space. Cheap land. Cheap land. That's what I said. We built out a corn field. You're not selling me for that, right? You're secluded. Secluded. lot of space. Cheap land. We built out a corn field. It was secluded. Because of smell. It's hard to drive to.

It's a lot of sausage. And you need political connections in Illinois. And you got them. You got them. President Zuckerberg has pulled some strings. After taking over Hawaii, he got to Illinois. Yeah, he armed a militia. That's sick.

And he speaks Chinese fluently now. And him and Xi Jinping, who's still in power crazily. Cyborg Xi Jinping. Cyborg Xi Jinping. You know what a forfeit power. He says, my money long, Mark. And he's like, I know. I know. And I'm in there with them?

No, no, that's just, Mark. We're just talking about the political landscape of the sausage festival. They're stuck in there with you. That you. You're oiled up. Yeah, I'm there. We're just talking about the political landscape. No, that's just the political landscape of the sausage festival. They're stuck in there with you. That you. You're oiled up. Yeah, I'm there. I'm there. You're going.

Dude, literally oiled up at the sausage festival. Thank you for coming. And I have a question for you. You've seen my asshole. Uh-huh. Do you still know what it looks like? Yeah. Do you think about it?

I know what seat you were sitting in. Do you think you'll ever forget it? No. No, I about it? I know what seat you were sitting in. Do you think you'll ever forget it? No. No, I won't. No, because that's my... It's so... I'm reminded because

every once in a while someone will know me because they know you. And they'll say, they'll meet me or something and they'll be like, how do you know Ludwig? And I'll be like,

well, we met playing Super Smash Brothers and within 24 hours he showed me his asshole and they're like what? and I'm like yeah have you played Mafia before?

I showed him the story and every time I tell the story I'm reminded of what I saw that day and how beautiful it was because it was so hairless it's just a really funny story it was hairless and smooth you know what else?

I think at that point I had looked into your eyes less than I had looked into your asshole. Why? Isn't that crazy? Why don't we look into each other's eyes enough? We just didn't talk a lot, me and him. I'm a fake friend because I've never seen your asshole. And you never will.

I'm only seeing your bare ass. I haven't shown it in years. Don't gank me. I don't think I've... Oh, no. You used to show it a lot. Yeah, I used to show it a lot, my young asshole, but since I got older, I don't know.

It looks like Sleep with Wizards. Look, eight sausage festivals deep. It's not looking like it used to. It's not the same it was. Why do you ask? Huh? Because I was thinking when I leave forever and I'm coming back to the sausage festival,

will they remember my asshole? Or what will they take away from me? And the crowd goes, oh, I remember it being so snatched. So clean. So snatched and tired. It's weird. This is a good question because it's like, how we remember Elvis.

Do we remember him fat and weird and ugly? It'll be beautiful. It's like when you watch Paul McCartney perform a Beatles song now. It's like he doesn't sound that good, but it's beautiful. All the same. It's still the same guy. It's like, he doesn't sound that good, but it's beautiful. All the same. It's still the same guy.

It's going to be like that. I don't want to be 60 still showing you my asshole. Why not? I think he needs, dude. No, because he's just playing the radio hits. He doesn't want to be doing that. Oh, what do you want me doing? You want me to sing Crazier?

You want to get weird for me? I don't know what I could do that's weirder. Is it a radio hit to be singing Yesterday? You know what I mean? For him, no. But for 303, they're still doing Choke Chain and they're like 60 years old. What the fuck, man? We have the yard reunion.

We haven't seen each other in 30 years. We get together and we're all roasting Ludwig for being different now and still and whatever. And he's like, hey guys, we all turn. He's bent over. Cheeks spread. And we're like, ah, it's a freeze frame. And the credits roll. Everywhere. whatever he's like hey guys we all turn he's bent over that'd be beautiful they just i thought this was nice they they just re-announced pat's house which is like a major tournament in san diego pat's house for the last pat's house uh was the first time i met you two yeah

Simon Ludwig when we fucking ran you guys ran a train on me and took all my money while I was drunk farmersonly.com and then I stayed drunk and then I blacked out

and then I woke up during Babadook at the Airbnb if I recall my bae love do cocaine my bae love do cocaine I'm saying that that was your thing

oh you had that fucked up haircut what was it fucked up? You just hated it. Oh, yeah. It was like military cut. We had so many hits. We had so many old hits.

You know who won that tournament? Uh, somebody... Zayn. It was Zayn versus Duck. And I think Duck won. Zayn lost to Duck? Isn't that funny? Duck.

Someone had to tell me... Yeah. Someone had to tell me who won the next day because I blacked out. You were cam boned. And I was like, I realized this is the first tournament ever that I was there

and I do not know. If you were that drunk again, I'd still fucking destroy you. If I was that drunk, you'd definitely beat me in melee. I'm going to make sure you get that drunk. I miss the old Aiden. I don't.

I don't. I think it was cool. I like new Aiden. No, new A I miss the old Aiden. I don't. I don't. I think it was cool. I like new Aiden. No, new Aiden sucks. New Aiden's more functional. New Aiden is more functional. Happy? New Aiden.

How did you know? It's next to the new Aiden. He's all about business. He just calls me about business all the time. Business this, business that. I called you. No, he's also fucking in the paint. You did call me.

He's also in the paint putting up fucking numbers. Yeah, I'm in the paint. Numbers. I'm in the paint. When Cam hasn't passed the ball in 30 minutes, Aiden's there to give me the ball once. I'm guarding you. And then I pass it back.

Cam's washing fives, I'll say it. Washing fives? He don't mean that. He's got a mean breakaway. He's washing fives. Dude, Cam has this fucking thing, last basketball thing. There's so many times in 5v5 full court

where you'll have a breakaway, and for whatever reason, no matter what happens court where you'll have a breakaway and for whatever reason no matter what happens Kim cannot score on a breakaway he's incapable he'll either trip over himself no one around the ball will just fucking go and hit the the rim or he just fucks it up every single time it's amazing because I would argue he does the hardest part which is dribbling in control to the hoop as fast as he humanly can and then at which point when all he has to do is go like this he does pretty much anything but that it never goes in yeah off the bullet he's never done it straight up over the backboard one day he will

do it i just won't be there for it it'll'll be past my time. You'll be? NBA. The little moved on from our little league. Yeah, you'll be like, sorry, I don't think about that anymore. Like, I got a tournament to play. You know what?

I don't really think about it anymore. What don't you think about? The audience, because we're going to the Primo episode. Whoa. Where we forget

about the audience entirely. Where we forget about the audience and we go delusional entirely. You'll see Ludwig's asshole for the old times. Dude, there are people that listen to our show, which I actually don't

think is weird besides me being a grouch, like, or despite me being a grouch usually, that have, like, constantly listened to our show like a hundred times or something.

Like, all the time. Like, they just, like, loop it, and I'm like, that's cool. I don't think that's cool. I have shows that... I did that with, like, The Matrix.

What are The Matrix for some people? I don't think that's cool. No. Why, bitch? Let's talk about it. You don't like that What are the Matrix for some people? You don't think that's cool? No. Why, bitch? Let's talk about it. You don't like that we're the Matrix for some people? Let's talk about it on the Primo.

I think they're weird. Right. And not... But still invited. But still invited to the Yard Sawhead Festival. Thank you so much for watching, and we'll see you soon. Bye.