The Yard - Ep. 134 - We Banned MatPat From Our Show

Episode Date: February 10, 2024

This week, the boys talk about going to the Grammy's, watching NSFW videos on the Apple Vision, and how a streamer lost $2,000,000...

Do you think that Casey Neistat can use his teeth for cutting vegetables for the public? Everyone uses their teeth to cut vegetables. Do you think Casey Neistat has like is is as effective at eating vegetables as a brontosaurus when they with with the next generation when the

aliens find Casey Neistat's skeleton first out of all the humans they'll they'll think that we were her before it's weird that some of the some of the bodies from thousands of

years ago are alive at the timeline of the people from a of years ago are alive in the timeline of the people from a thousand years later do they have fucked up teeth do they not are you gonna make fun of some of these

this man somehow had four stomachs does he have fucked up teeth what's wrong with him he looks like he knows how he fit them all his teeth look like he's had Invisalign

in his whole life his teeth look like so nice his teeth look like the way children draw them he already built his wife In the Vision Pro world man I don't think he's ever coming out

He's fucked up I don't think he's coming out We were saying I think we're happy He's like He kept He kept in just His baby front teeth

But then All the other ones Swapped out Oh my god He goes to He goes to Rob Dyrdek's dentist. Jesus Christ. Bro, they're not that bad.

What's going on here? It's Monday. Is it like... He is low-key very money. It looks like a Star Fox 64, like, Dodge segment. Don't call him money now. I can't deny greatness when I see that. Don't switch.

Listen, I didn't know who this was. I'm sorry to physically point you this was until like 20 minutes ago. And then they showed me his teeth and I'm like, those are pretty weird looking. Who is Casey Neistat? What do you guys get off? I don't know, man. We were saying that Casey Neistat might be the most famous skateboarder in the world. Yeah.

That's where this all started. What a crazy start. Yeah. Yeah. We were just getting off to a vibe. Yeah, that's where this all started that's what a crazy start yeah yeah we were just getting off to a vibe yeah that's a vibe Casey nice stats pro skater 2 you couldn't put the loop

de loop in the custom parks but in 3 they added the loop de loop that's so cool you like like bagels around New York City instead of letters of skate yeah and then there's

cop cars in the way that you run into you run into you run into Candice's wife all the time. And she's just... You're always checking in. She says you have to battle Bucky Lasek on vert tricks only. Do you guys respect me more with these on?

I forgot you were wearing them because I think you're so intelligent that they blend right in. Nick does this thing. Every time, even when I had hair, I would get haircuts and be like, I didn't even notice. It's like, why don't you fucking like me, man? Yeah, it's weird I didn't notice your haircuts. It is. It is weird. It is weird.

You said it like with like a, oh, why would I? But it is weird. Yeah, like I'm fucking stupid. Yeah, because there's just such a large difference between. I'm talking about when I had hair, you dumb piece of shit. You hurtful piece of shit. I can tell by the way you shaved recently. Yeah, you can tell. It's an easy tell. Easy tell.

I think the glasses look funny, because if you... Can you look that way for me? Like, even more, like, so the viewers can see it. It makes a weird-ass dent. Don't call it weird. I mean, it doesn't... It's a weird-ass dent. Is it just too tight? Yeah, well, those... These are Yingling's glasses. I'm just saying, do I look more dignified? Like, I was pretending I was a it's a weird ass death. Is it just too tight? Yeah, well those are Yingling's glasses.

Okay, I'm just saying do I look more dignified like I was pretending I was a college professor before you got here. I think if you kept those in it would leave a mark. He's high school at best. That's not what I'm asking you. It looks weird and it's throwing me off. Okay, Aiden now you be hurtful. Let's just all get it out. Oh, I said high school at best. You look like you look like the guy in porn who doesn't get to fuck. Dude. Like the guy who like is there first. Like the first character. And then like the other guy comes in and't get to fuck. Dude. Like the guy who is there first, like the first character. And then like the other guy comes in and he's like, I guess I gotta go. Yeah, I'm a male extra.

I'm her boyfriend, but not her stepbrother. But in the universe of the porn, you're like a high paid, like, you know, nerd with a good job. In the porn lore, you're doing well for yourself. Like you're making like 300k Who is who is on the real estate tour to buy your wife a house and your wife's fucking the real estate agent in the back But she gives you over the pantaceous. You're still getting you're getting your piece. That's not fair, but I want to fuck the busty Yeah We are your role.

Episode 169 off to a hot start. Dude, you guys see, speaking of the devil, you see what they fucking got her. Lisa Ann. Oh, dude, finally. The fucking woke mob has broken the last straw. Yeah, I guess take me too. I guess take me too. We're doing this. We stand for Lisa Ann.

If I can't go to a Matt Rife concert or whatever he does and just fucking enjoy the damn show. No, no, and be on your phone. What happened? That's what she did. She was on her phone? She was on her phone at a Matt Rife concert.

Apparently. I only read half of a tweet. This is all I know. But take me now. Take me now. She put in jail over someone thinking I used my phone

during the Matt Rife show. I'm not looking at any other sources. I don't care. Damn, she was 5-1-5-0'd for that? 51-50. That's right. 5-1-5-0'd. He's never dated

a crazy bitch. A crazy bitch. A girl tattooed on her neck in high school. No way. That's hard as hell. She went 5-1-5-0. She's like, yeah, I'm from New Hampshire. Also, I stopped myself from finishing that sentence because I instantly remembered what they were doing yesterday.

What do you mean? Him and Cutie went to the Grammys to go view Taylor Swift with their eyes. And I'm like, actually. Okay, respectfully, look. Okay, let's get a couple of ground rules. We did go to the Grammys. All right, Cutie wanted me to come with her. I came with her as her date.

Why'd you have your shirt off in the Uber? We'll get there. But we went to the Grammys because Cutie likes running award shows. Yeah, that's a good point. She runs awards, so she likes going to them. Yeah, yeah. And then I think she also wanted to be in the same room as Taylor Swift. I think that was the bigger part.

Yeah, I was going to say. What's the pie breakdown, do you think? I thought it was more 60-40 she runs award shows Taylor, okay? But then when Taylor was there she was double like recording She had iPhone is Samsung one for the vlog and I think one for like a family group chat So that you could duplicate You also just send it and then it makes a copy when someone receives it. You can also just send it twice. We go to the Grammys and she's in the building.

And she's slayed. Yeah, she is very cunt. Yeah, she's a cunt. That's good. No! She's killing it. This is, this is Eamon's

all-star episode. He's, I can see the matrix right now. He's just, he's so switched on. All right, so you're,

this is good. All right, so she's walked in, she's being a cunt to everybody. She's got a sample of her blood. She's,

so, it comes from there. So from there, She's being a cunt to everybody. She's got a sample of her blood. So, you're cunt from there. So from there, it's a shared suite. You know the suite we go sometimes for a Lakers game? Yeah, the box. But it's a shared suite so there's like 10 other people, I don't know. It's randos? It's just randos and we're hanging out, we're watching it. You spit on them a little bit? I spit, we do a little spit swapping, you know?

You can't spit on the other people, they're probably more rich than Ludwig. You gotta swap spits. Well, no they're not. No, that's't spit on the other people They're probably more rich than Ludwig You gotta swap spits Well no they're not No that's why you spit on them They're not more rich than me And I know this Wait were they broke with no motion There wasn't a damn

For whatever reason At the Grammys They closed all the food stalls So normally at a Lakers game They got fucking Wetzel's pretzels They got Blaze Pizza All of it's closed Every single food stall is closed

Wait a minute Is this in the same venue It's at the Crypto.com arena Shout out to Cryptocurrency So they can do basketball but also Grammys. And also hockey. Wow. Yeah.

Do they just make the ice? They do. They do make the ice. The world is so beautiful. Were there people there in their Vision Pros? Everyone had a Vision Pro. Wow. Was it Swinger's section? It was Swinger's section. The key's in the jar, baby.

And so every food stall is closed, all right? All I have is a drink to my name, and then I'm hungry as shit. And so I call, because it got a little food place. I'm like, can I order food? And they're like, you can only order in bulk of 12. Okay. So I'm like, all right. How much is 12 hot dogs?

They're like $400. Dude, that's awesome. Because you can only cater. Imagine dad comes over and he's like, is that how much it costs at the Lakers game? Yeah. Oh, okay. So I think it's actually, it might've been cheaper.

But so anyway, it's $440 a dog. No, it's $300. Yeah, sorry. So it's $20 a dog, $440. And that'll scale with tendies, right? Which is nice, chicken tendies. Oh, so it's a dog and tendies. It's a dog and tendies40 and that'll scale with tendies which is nice chicken tendies oh so it's a dog

and tendies the hot dogs come with chicken so it's $10 a dog $10 a tendie but it's a combo meal it's a cock and ball combo that's great

I love that so I ripped the order you know because I'm starving yeah and you got a whole gang full of swingers that you're about to experience

and I'm about to tell these swingers I'm like hey let's stop swapping spit and let's start eating hot dogs, everybody. And not like in the, you know. Chewing is not allowed. No chewing. Before I can do that,

as I'm like paying, you know, $500 or something, because there's some service charge, two dudes start walking to the food thing. Like the food came. Oh. They just start going to the food and they just start piling it up and they're like, food's here. I'm like, that's not what happened.

Wow. Damn. But I didn't want to be like, no. No, because I was going to offer it anyway. You start eating all the hot dogs in front of them. That's fucked up. Who are these scumbags? Generic people in suits. Generic suit people?

Generic suit people. I couldn't tell you. Were any of them hung? I think probably. There was one guy drinking a tall Michelob, and he looked hung. And I only say that because he got a hot dog and offered his wife one, and she didn't take it, and he double-fisted the dogs. Yes. And I'm like, he didn't do that with a small cock.

King shit only in the box. So anyway, I'm like, he didn't do that with a small cock. King shit only. In the box. So anyway, I load up two plates for me and Cutie and then we go for seconds. It's all gone. Here's your glizzy, my beautiful wife. You're not facing 20 hot dogs if you're smaller than an iPhone. I'm imagining this area

where she's got to hold both cameras for both videos. She needs two videos to send to different places. She's got two videos. And then she has no hands, so you've got to feed her the dogs. I am feeding her the dogs. While she's doing the camera work. I'm dipping her chicken in barbecue sauce and feeding it.

And she's like, is there more chicken? I'm like, no, they ate it all. I'm sorry, honey, they ate everything. They ate all the chicken, but how are the Taylor videos coming? I don't know. I got pissed drunk and then I fell asleep during the award show you got pissed drunk i had like drinks were you trying to like escape the idea of being at the grammys no i just i just had a bar cart outside and i kept going to it and the lady was really nice like a pig to the trough yeah it wasn't deeper every time i went

to the bathroom i saw her and i was like, son of a bitch, you got me again. When did you get naked in the Uber? So it was raining a fuck ton. Like a gross, gross amount. It is still raining in LA. It is taking us down. We can hear it pitter-pattering. And so as we exited, there's no Ubers around the arena.

They've closed off the roads. Uber. So we have to walk to the Uber spot. No umbrella. So we're just walking through in the rain. And it probably took 15 minutes because the Uber app didn't realize the streets were closed. So I was like, go here, go there. I figured it out.

Whatever. Doesn't fuck up. It's a dumb story. But I was in the rain for 15 minutes. Wet as shit. And you shouldn't wear wet clothes. You get sick. So I took it off in the Uber.

I didn't say a word to the guy. I just took it off. Did you get into the Uber and then start taking your clothes off? I got into the Uber and then took my shirt off. That's awesome. Did you look him in the eyes through the rear view mirror? I did. Yeah.

Well, I made shifty eye contact to see if he was looking at me. He didn't. But you kept unbroken eye contact staring at him? While I took it off. Good. Okay. Because maybe this swingers... Because we practiced that.

We practice it. Swingers night doesn't have to end. And I got warm and I feel good now. Okay. Okay. Because maybe this swingers... Because we practiced that. We practiced it. Swingers night doesn't have to end. And I got warm and I feel good now. Okay. And the Grammys was cool. It's basically a concert for the parts I was awake for. It was tight. And what's his name?

Trevor Noah. Charming man. No, you met Trevor Noah? Nope. Just saw him from afar. Okay. Through cuties. Zoom in.

She has a great zoom on the Samsung. Yeah. It was really good. I was going to go to the Grammys and be like, Trevor Noah, good guy. And you just didn't meet him. I said charming man. It's the same. Charming. It was really good. I was going to go to the Grammys and be like, Trevor Noah, good guy. And you just didn't meet him. I said charming man. It's the same. It is so different.

To be charmed implies you- Did anyone ask you, as Ludwig, for a photo at the Grammys? Not a soul. Did anyone say, oh, hey, Ludwig. No.

Love the Christmas album. You didn't shut shit down? No, this shit was fucking miserable, all right? You couldn't shut shit down because you didn't get recognizedagnarok's, that's why it was miserable? No, it was miserable because it was raining, and everybody there was self-rewarding. Lowkey should have been nominated for the Christmas album. I'm saying.

It didn't come out this year is why. The opera song though. Yeah. I like your early shit better. It's not your best work, but I do fuck with it. I like your early shit better. Vocally it might be, but it's fuck with it vocally it might be but it doesn't it's like with the times

boxcar racer I like it but like blink 182 is better yeah it's just better we don't talk about boxcar racer people talk about my opera song people like my opera song but when I miss you comes on the whole fucking shit what is my I miss you

baby it's cold outside yeah it's cold outside Okay alright Yeah it's cuties Mark Hoppus And you're Tom DeLonge And I'm Travis Pastrana Barker I'm doing motorcycle tricks

I did think That's the one room that I was in If it were to have been bombed And everybody in it died Bane style, I don't even think I'd make the obituary. If Taylor goes down in an event like that, I'm going to watch my language here. If the CIA is listening.

What if she wouldn't because of the power and love of her fans? Yeah, the power and love of her fans. That's me schlump. Damn, you're a big schlump. They took a long time to race. Do you think it's rude to fall asleep in public

the way you do all the time? No. Doesn't that happen all the time? It's because I'm not at like a fucking table up front.

If I was, it'd be rude. Okay. But it also wasn't like during a performance. There's just a lot of downtime. It's like an award show.

It's just crazy because there's just all the commercial time on the programming, right? Yeah. And I think they had a tech hiccup

because basically the Grammys is a concert, five awards, and a bunch of breaks. And that's it. Okay. They literally did like five whole ass awards

and then the Billy Joel played a song. Shout out Billy Joel. Oh, fuck Billy Joel. Well, come on. No. Wait, whoa. I'm standing on business

on this one. Why are you sitting on Billy Joel's business? I hate his fucking music. What? And I think he sucks. Bottle of red. Every single track.

This and Bruce Springsteen. What? What? I once stopped seeing a girl. What about Ricky Martin? Because she had a Bruce Springsteen record. Born in the USA. She was like, this is my favorite record.

And I was like. And then I didn't talk to her again. Really? Wow. Wow. Wait, okay. Can you give me bottom? Is Dave Grohl below them?

No. No, because Dave Grohl's been in some good shit. But like Bruce Springsteen sucks like through and through, like balls to bones. Balls to bones, love. Balls to bones. I watched The Matrix recently. It's in his balls.

I know, to his bones. Dude, you watched The Matrix to invite me's in his balls. I know, to his bones. Dude, you watched The Matrix, didn't invite me. It hurts my feelings. Oh, you can watch it again. All right. And we'll go to Denny's and watch it on my phone. Dude, that would be the best day ever. Dude, Oreo milkshake, pancake puppies on the table.

Yeah. And The Matrix propped up on the salt. Babe, babe. And her tasting Bruce Springsteen was a problem of the day. My girl's always fingering through the pancake puppies, make sure I'm not proposing. What's going on there? Are you shot?

No. Don't bite it. Don't choke on it. No, look, I want to clear up. I'm a different man now, but back then, I had strong, strong convictions. There's no artist someone would like that you would not continue seeing them

Maybe like like Hitler and the Nazis Stolen the racist They were better when they were techno. Solid in the glugs. The Mao Five. Dead Mao Five. That'd be sick. I'm a better... I'm different now. You're different, but you've changed. I'm just more... I'm just less...

Hi, Ludwig. Hi, sweetheart. You guys want to weigh in on something? Yeah, I'll weigh in so i'll weigh in so weigh in as much as you can so you know how big sometimes sometimes you got like something canned maybe a sody pop maybe like a carbonated water in your house but it hasn't been in the fridge it's like it's like in the box and storage and you want it now but you want it cold dude because when they're. It's like the the zest the site It's not as good so something. I like to do is I go grab one I put like I get a sodie pop I go

I'm gonna want this and like you know now so I'm gonna put it in the freezer And then I said timer on my phone yep, and then when the timer goes off I'll know to go grab it because it's bad to leave it in Well my my my bitch partner Wow if i can say will you guys let me say it's funny because when you say when you start with the b syllable it can either be beautiful or that word yeah you're normally not misogynistic so i think you get away this beautiful is implied because she's a woman okay uh she's so sweet she keeps taking them out of the freezer before the timer goes off. And then messaging me and saying, stop putting sodas in the freezer. And I keep saying, I got a timer.

And a very important detail. I have never missed. That's what I was going to ask. I have never. That is important. Never. It's a very important detail. I have never left one.

Because if you've missed one. If I miss one, I lose forever. Let me tell you about my bitch partner for a moment. Cause I do this thing where- Sorry, go ahead. She's beautiful cause she's a woman. Okay, thank you. I fill up my glass of water and I- and we have a little spout, a little faucet, and I put it on- on the counter. And then I go do something, like grab something from the fridge real quick. No timer here. Like literally like you're going quick. I'll be right back. Yes, I'll be right back.

And then she says- she gets mad and she says don't do that i have messed up 10 times like the water spilling everywhere constantly you're a terrorist every time i do it i go not again and i grab and i grab bounty yo that's crazy so crazy. So she's right. She's right. Yeah. But she was right before you even messed up. Yes, because she knew I would fail. Yeah. And she was right. Also, the time window for that is just so much smaller.

It is. It's so much smaller. It is 30 seconds and I'm choking it every time. That's crazy. You go to 32 seconds and you've spilled water everywhere. I've done minutes. I've done minutes. I hate you.

I hate you. It's impressive. Yeah, so I. I hate you. It's impressive. Yeah, so I'm not like you. We're different little bro. So, I think we're the same though. No, cause I haven't messed up. Let me ask you this. Have you forgotten other things in her life? Um. Have you ever failed ever? Uh, certainly constantly

all the time. Oh. So this is just But not here. Not in this sacred realm. You know what? You know what it is? She's... Let me... Allow me to... A lesbian. Your girlfriend is not a lesbian. She is! We found out this week.

She just likes softball. It's been driving our home apart. That was close. Listen, she is upset that you care... that you remember more about a sodypuk than you do about other shit in her life. Oh my god. And that's what she's trying to say. She's jealous. She's jealous. She's jealous of the soap opera.

Jealous is a word that kind of blames her. Yeah. Which I think is mostly her fault. What was that word you were saying with the B again? She's a jealous, oh my god. Jealous, beautiful bitch. Well, I have a point. How long is the timer?

I put it to 25 minutes. Wow. Let me hear it. That's great for a warm soda. And she's catching it every time. Yes, bro. Let me circumvent all of this. Do this twice.

You dumb bastard. Yeah. Come on. Vent. Ice. Cup. Pour. Done deal.

True. No. You have it right away. You idiot. From idiot school. I think he's right. Who he? Who is he?

As in slime. What? Like, what are we doing? Or so. I think that includes five more minutes. He's right. Who he? Who is he? As in slime. What? Like, what are we doing? If you... Or so. I think that includes five more minutes. No, 25. It's from the Colorado's best drinks.

You know what I would do? Wait. Sparkling CBD? Dude, these ads are getting out of control. That's not an advertisement. CBD will make you schizophrenic. Can you just like... I want to open that website.

I'll check that out. Here's what you do. Here's what you do. Okay. Okay. I have a new... It waters it down. It gets rid of the bubbles. I understand why you wouldn't put Here's what you do. Here's what you do. Okay. Okay. I have a new... It waters it down. It gets rid of the bubbles.

I understand why you wouldn't put it in a glass. So I have a new strata gem. Okay. Stratagem. You can't stop. It's faster. You get a bowl, like a popcorn-sized bowl. Ice in it.

Ice. Water in it. Water. Put it in the bowl. Is it faster? It's faster. Yeah, it's faster if you move it around. It's faster if it's just in.

It's also way faster if you move it around. You're stirring it it's just in. It's also way faster if you move it around. You're stirring it with a wooden spoon. Well, mister, who's the boss? Who do you guys like? Your favorite YouTuber. Your favorite YouTuber. He reviewed a gizmo for this. He reviewed a gizmo for this.

Get the gizmo! Is it called a refrigerator? No. Because we have that. You would imagine that. Because the fridge is slow. You're not thinking about it. No, it's literally...

It's so stupid. Show it off. Show it off, zipper. It's a device that only makes a soda cold. One soda. You take a warm soda, you put it in, and it goes like in the centrifuge, and it goes like, and it gets like really cold really fast. Some people wake up and like have to fucking shovel dirt for a living, man.

And don't they deserve? Yeah, and they can have one ice cold fucking soda. And there's some asshole out there who got fucking 1M in startup money to make the soda cold gadget. And Mr. Who's the Boss is reviewing it in a fucking suit. This world's so fucked up. No, this is what's going to bring America back on top. Me, I... There she is.

Chillomatic. Automatic beverage cooler. Dude, it would low-key feel... Never mind. I'm losing my fucking mind. And it spins in there because it's a centrifuge. I hope Mr. Who's the Boss gets fucking- Don't say it.

In the world of fuck percent, I feel like there's a community that has labbed this device. Dude, it's just people who forget to put their pack of soda in the fridge. I was saying people who fuck the chill-o-matic. Oh, fuck the chill-o-matic? It would just make my penis cold saying, people who fuck really cold. Fuck the chill-o-matic. Oh, fuck the chill-o-matic. It would just make my penis cold. It would make your penis cold. I've had this,

speaking of spilling and cold, I have something to tell you guys. Okay, yeah, yeah. Wait, did we talk about it? Wait, I only told you in private.

Fuck! Alright, well tell the several hundred thousand people that are about to hear that. What happened to your whole penis? It's so real. The office has been so,

the office is so cold lately and i'm usually the first one to come here so it's it's been cold like all overnight right it'll be like 50 degrees in the morning and usually the first thing i have to do is is go to the bathroom now you might recall that we have bidets here's true. You could go to bidet.gg Ass.cleaning. Ass.cleaning. Swipe.live if you would like your own. We got URLs out the Between the base of the toilet and the seat and I sit down right to But my penis is shriveled and tiny because of how cold it is. Because of the cold. It's freezing in the brain.

You're on acorn mode? I'm on acorn mode in the brain. So I have done this maybe ten times in the past like three weeks. Oh my god. Because I sit down and I start peeing and it just shoots out the side between the gap. And I'll just go for a while sometimes because I'll be like my phone and I'll get like half I've been doing this too That's the first thing I said to Aiden was like, it happens to me too, bro. Dude, the gap is so big, dude!

First off, it's a defect we have. That's exactly why! Zipper says I wonder why the paper towels are empty. It's a defect we have as men sitting and peeing, because these aren't designed for our small cocks. Do you guys not do a little tuck? Now I- Normally my room tampon gets the job done. My hog, when he's massaged and tendered, does a great job by himself.

This is basically, and I'm not bragging, never happened to me. Okay, but have you been in a room where your tiny, cold, frigid cock? Do you lean forward or back? I lean forward. Do you sit and pee every time? That's why. You know why? Because I'm grinding chess on my phone. Tiny cold fridge you lean forward or back. I lean forward Riding chess on my phone this on the toilet. It's never a problem if you're like this when the Chad's position I don't do that Chad's worth you need four factors. You need Chad position. You need hard balls Frigid balls the tiniest penis you're capable of producing. Your balls make the sound of that little thing on rich guys' desks. Like this.

Like clack. Yeah. I'm with you. And what's the fourth one? Well, you also need a little gap. You need a little gap. You need a little gap. And so the thing about bidets, which is kind of interesting, is that the bidet I have at

home, which is not a bidet.ass.cleaning.racist, I have, it's like they come with a toilet seat that is raised up so it kind of sits nicely. Ass.cleaning.racist I have It's like They come with a toilet seat That is raised up So it kind of sits nicely So it creates a gap Which is kind of a fault Of bidets in the first place So if you are on acorn mode

It's time to take Your two index fingers I'm sorry Your index and middle And just a little tuck Tuck I've been tucking now But I might have to become

A stand and pee guy Don't say that No bro Don't go against who you are. You don't want to do that. As your friends, we can't let you go back. You don't want to do that. That would be bad for you.

Why don't you do the old, the switcheroo, the reverse cowgirl? Yeah. You like that one. I do like that one. But then you pee on the bidet wand, which is kind of funny, actually. No, no, you battle it. Oh! Like in Harry Potter.

Like, come on, come on. Yes. And if your stream is hard enough, you destroy the bidet. It blows up. And it blows a pipe in the wall. Wait,

what happens if it beats me? It inflates you like a balloon. If it beats you, then you come back stronger. Okay,

hell yeah. You just gotta pee it all out. What? Is something wrong? What's so... Do you think, do you think,

you know, you know, in the end of the fourth Harry Potter when they battle and their wands clash and the streams are hitting each other and then all the people

in Harry's life, like, like his parents come out of the wands. Do you think you'd see your dad if he did this? Yeah. Yeah,

I do think he would come back. I think he'd come back to me. Wait, wait! You got this! It's like the end of Star Fox. He becomes so strong, Fox. He taught me how to stand in peace. Never stand in peace.

It's like James McCloud, and your dad's got sunglasses on. And he's like... And he comes in. It's crazy James McCloud named his son Fox. Like the animal. Wait. Star Fox's dad is named James Like the Lord yeah, that's James Yeah, she's also a fox. He's also his yeah. He's a fox. It's like naming your kid human Yeah, it's like person you become so strong person there. He is James McCloud. He just looks like Fox's on

He just looks like Chad Fox doesn't he's That's just Fox. He just looks like Chad Fox. He does look like Chad Fox. He's got a stronger jaw. And he died fighting Andross. Spoilers. Sorry. No, did he? That's sad.

And there's Fox. They look so much alike. That's the weird Fox. Yesterday, Cutie confronted me, and she said that since you are so much like her, would I date you if you were a girl? Yeah. But I had one concern. Okay. I was worried you couldn't satisfy me what you mean oh you mean like maybe cook you meals or like you know that's not

what he means i was worried he couldn't make me quiver that is so hurtful from your butt i have i have talked to you about this all the time what What would you do to me? I'd tell you what I'd do. It would be missionary. It'd be at least like 13, 14 minutes. The thing about it is even if he couldn't get the job done. I couldn't. Even if you couldn't. Let's imagine a world where you can't. In a world where you two are together and you can't get the job done.

There's a lot of ways you can get the job done for yourself. Like what, Aiden? Like with this prostate massager uh lilo hugo 2 prostate massager which i have vibrating in my hands right now oh it's vibrating can i feel you know what i will say the difference between me and the lilo hugo 2 prostate massager is i don't have 16 powerful pleasure settings i just don't would you use it with me in a positive way to help reinforce a relationship of course our relationship be stronger than ever It'll be stronger than anyone's relationship at all because I would use it so good

It also has two motors for double the pleasure. You know, I don't orgasm regularly. I come myself in my sleep I know I know better than anyone else you would have to help me you can connect this to an app a Bluetooth app and You can control it with the app can play Actually demoed this. Did you? Yes. Was it nice? And it works.

Why are you using the term demoed? Like, who's watching? Well, it's here. I'm testing. It's got some kick. Yeah. This feels like, oh my god. That would rock my world.

It has like, it like goes in and out like a sine wave. Yeah, yeah. So that's, for this season. Get discounts on all products, including this Hugo 2 prostate massager, Lilo.com. Link in the description. Enjoy an extra 5% off with our code, TheYard5. That's our code. You guys could live happily.

Find a little pleasure for yourself. You guys could live happily forever because you would pleasure yourself and you would watch. And you can also get luxurious extra gifts to enjoy with your purchase. That's Lilo.com Use code THEYARD5 and you will be shivering like you just got that. Be like me. Your slime can be Lilo. We gotta break Lisa out, man. We skipped over that

real fast. I feel like we don't gotta break her. I don't think she's in jail. She's probably still in there. They're gonna keep her in there forever. She's tweeting. Do you think she can still post bail? Do you think she's still got... No, she has to get a bondsman like a normal fucking American. She does need that, but she could maybe make it clap. I'm gonna make- everyone can make it clap. I'm shocked by that. You can't make it clap. I don't ex- Actually, you could. Nick couldn't. Thank you. Dude!

I'm glad science finally got down to it. We should ask Hank Green. Do you think he- I know my tough, rock-hard exterior makes it seem like I don't hurt, but I do. I'm sorry. We should have you stand up in front of Hank Green with them two fucking eggs

and a hanky and look at him and we look at Hank and we say, what do you think, science man? It would have went just like fucking Dr. Mario. Y'all would have fucking...

You would have crumbled. And he'd just be like really charming like yeah yeah he makes a clown he would have faced my aura for the first time in his life and never went back oh man you would be like what is that's the moon there's two moons in front of me there's two oh no those are planets even though i'm into science he's too flattering man he's a nice guy i was hanging out with nick this week and we were i i don't remember how it came up But we were we thought the idea of big pharma Nick Allen was really funny Yeah, like Nick Allen having to explain like the opiate crisis as like an executive member

We fucked up yeah, we made some mistakes But come Monday, I'll probably get done Yeah, on Slack. And just be like, we fucked up. We made some mistakes. Yeah, this one's my bad. But come Monday, I'll probably get it done. Well, yeah, no, I'll get back to you. I'll get back to you for sure. I'm taking my kids to soccer, but we'll figure out this whole paying doctor thing. Yeah, I hear you. I hear you.

Right, right, right. I get it. I hear you. I get it. Right, right, right. I get it. I hear you. I get it. Right, definitely. Insulin isn't free, though. No, I can't. It's a blue check thing.

It can't be free because it's like a whole fucking thing. Look, I know. I think it's stupid, too. I'm with you. Big Farming to go on. You know, we need someone new to pick on. We've been too mean to shake. I picked Casey.

He didn't like that. You know you've been too mean to shake. I'm sending this to you right now, Zipper. We've been too mean to shake. I picked Casey. You didn't like that. You've been too mean to shake. I'm sending this to you right now, Zipper. We've been too mean to shake. I want you to see what he did. Us folk gotta be watching this. This is actually fucked up. Zipper, I'm gonna send this to you. I don't want you to post it and I don't want Archie to post it because

that would mean more people would see it, which is fucked up. How many Instagram followers do you have? How many? 700k? 750k? That's a lot. Yeah. That's a lot of fucking people. Ludwig uploaded the most fucked up picture of Shake Drizzle on his Instagram story. Dude, he ordered a burger at the Mexican restaurant.

Thank you. Yeah, that was due. That was due. I thank you. I, and you guys know this, I hate that motherfucker. Shake Drizzle? Yeah. You have been the one starting the Beef with the shake which has transcended you

to cutie which has transcended both of you to the audience. Because he's an operative. He's an operative. You can't do that to a guy.

I Wait, this isn't the clitoris? Dude. How could you? Look, I am Shake's number one supporter. No could you? Look, I am Shake's number one supporter. No, you're fucking not because you uploaded this picture. Because I, well, I push, nobody pushes me. Shout out Alex Smokesmith in the background.

That's a Easter egg. Nobody pushes him. Yeah. It's so funny. Nobody pushes him like me. I push Shake. He got 225 bench. Who was there with him?

Me. Okay. We run together. I don't like this. We do a lot together. I am back I push Shake. He got 225 bench. Who was there with him? Me. Okay. We run together. We do a lot together. I am back on Team Shake. This is my first employee, by the way. You adopted him from the Czech. I did adopt him from the Czech. I took him from Armada. His Swedish father at the time. But Shake does some out-of-pocket

shit. Like going to the restaurant, a Mexican restaurant, and ordering a burger. I forgot I was up there burger I forgot I was up there I forgot I was up there Like hundreds of thousands of people saw this He got a big idea So I went, look I didn't like He works out at the library

This was a snapshot photo he knew I was taking I don't care I did a.5 which didn't make it flattering but didn't make it funnier Yep And he ordered a burger and I just did a poll by the way, how do you think the poll looks like he has progeria? Now for reference viewers at home I have two questions I have two questions for you. What a crazy specific insult. Dude, that's meaner than what I did!

No it's not! That is way meaner! That's so much meaner! I just posted a picture! You're being like I can't help but say he looks like he has progeria Now, where is progeria? They're embroidered in a conflict right now. That was before the continent split apart. The Nile River. Now where is progeria?

That's why Shakespeare said to go over Cuz progeria Warzone and Alex under a quiet breath like he knew it might be wrong was like is arzikstan a real place that's fucking funny anyway viewers at home two questions one is it okay to order a burger at a mexican joint we you know is it weird is the better question we did this to meds a lot you know he that's his legacy he denied this forever he's never he's never admitted yeah wait from arizona yes you did this you did no bro he he ordered a, from Arizona? Yes. You did this? No, bro. He ordered a burger from Del Taco, and we haven't let him hear the end of it for six years.

Mets is Mexican. He gets to do that. No, no, no, no, no. Mets has spent more time in Mexico than we all spent in our entire lives together. Mets will deny this, but there are so many human beings who swear on the Bible that this happened. Yeah, dude, I picked him up from the train station. He's like, I want Del Taco. And I'm like, we're really close to Taco Bell. Are you sure you want Del Taco?

There's better options in SoCal for tacos. He's like, I want Del Taco. And I'm like, fine. We go much further to get to a Del Taco. And he orders a burger. He wanted the Del Taco burger. We were right next to In-N-Out. It was like a stamp on the idea of like,

hey, this guy's fucking weird. Like maybe in a cool way. He's not a monster for doing this. Look, if you don't recognize that as monstrous behavior, if you can't call that strange regardless of identity or creed, then I don't know you. Yeah, because I didn't even know he was Mexican. I couldn't tell.

But you're telling me for the first time I'm learning? So there's this idea that you're not allowed to do this. And also, Shake doesn't do it normal, by the way. It's not like he ordered it, and he's like, dude, I don't know. Shake don't do it normal. He orders it, and he goes like, dude, the burgers are fire.

It's like nothing weird about ordering a burger. I like Shake now. The burger is good. I also Ordering a burger I like shake now Because you fucking You clowned him too hard I also like shake Then you wouldn't have done that I didn't It was funny that he sat out At basketball that day

And then he ordered a burger At the Mexican restaurant It was like those two together What the fuck's that Wait he came to basketball And not played Well yeah His shin started hurting

His shin started hurting God bless his heart His leg's fucked up Man they were so powerful He's listening right now And we can just do and say whatever, and he can't reach to the screen. Fuck, man. Fucking doing tricks on it, dude.

Your legs are fucked up too, basketball, right? What happened? What happened? I'm just asking. Wait, did you break his ankles again? I don't know. I don't know if they're broken or not, but he went 0-4, so I figured something was wrong. Okay.

Dude, you want to... Someone's got to start keeping stats. You want the funny Intel so we played Ludwig's team, and we got oh nine Okay, it was 3v3 and I had a pretty low seed team, and then we beat Aiden's team Oh, yeah, and then mango kept going put our name on the court Someone call the Clippers the most points I've ever scored In a single week and I lost every game Wow At one point, justified, stopped passing

Because he realized that The only way the ball goes in the basket Is if he's holding it Or Kevin Toy He might be the best player to come through He's wet? He's technically the best basketball player we have Boy's wet I mean he's technically The best basketball player We have

Boy's wet I didn't know he could Fucking ball like that He can ball like that He said quote I'm the Chinese Steph He did keep saying that That's crazy

He kept going Chinese Steph Curry And he had the Steph Curry's on I did used to call myself I stole it from Conor Eats Pants When Ninja went to Mixer Conor just called himself The Ninja of Twitch And then I started

Calling myself The White Shroud of Twitch the White Shroud of Twitch. The White Shroud of Twitch is great. I did have some accusations levied against me, which is changing who I am as a person. I was telling them about it this morning. You should put it in a better context. What the fuck just happened? Finally the delegation,

your teammates have made a decision. We go 4-0. It's me, Mango, and Adam. Another guy we play with. We crush.'s me, Mango, and Adam. Another guy we play with. We all go, we crush. Our group doesn't lose a game. Okay.

We get to the Mexican place, and then Mango looks at me, and he's with you, and he goes, we gotta talk. You're a ball hog. Oh, no. You know? And I'm like- It's actually true, because you have fucking single player syndrome. And I'm like, ref, we're winning. We're winning the game out here.

And he's like, just gives me one of those so now this is it's changing who i am did you not think you were like a spiritual ball hog in your life i thought i was dishing around enough i like to give i like to pass out no but i think what's the issue is if i'm within one meter of the rim it has full aggroed me and i cannot cannot leave. Let me tell you what actually happened. Adam's a bit of a ball hog. Rightfully so, because he's very good. And he only passes

to Ludwig. So, most of the time. So he doesn't pass to the goat. Why? Because the goat's usually walking back. The goat only pulls up from three. Yeah, the goat only waits for Ludwig to say, Dagger! The goat is the last man in transition every play.

Okay, got it. Adam will pass to Lud, and Lud's always within AOE of the hoop, so he'll just drive it. So that's just kind of what was happening last time. We won, though. Is it okay to hog ball if you are putting up points? That's the spiritual question here.

I think it depends, because I've realized there's different people in the world. For example, Cutie doesn't go to win, and she could not care less win or lose. She wants good vibes. Other people there, I think, are similar. I don't think Point Crows particularly walks away caring about win or lose.

Okay. He wants good vibes. So for the people who want to win, I think they're down. Okay. Some people just want good vibes, good time. It sounds like you are the equivalent of basketball as Nick is in Warzone. Constantly fragging. I was getting my head fucking popped.

He's on the water tower. He's on the water tower. Cam's saying he's on the water tower he's on the water tower cam saying he's on the water tower I hear Nick I get shot down I get killed he comes out of a building and he literally says on the mic he's on the water tower and I'm like what are we doing why don't you care why are you away from the because he's playing a single player game single player game and yes he gets frag. But it's like, at what point are we simply meat shields for him to get his glory? And in a way, maybe that's how they felt is like meat shields because all they are is a pick for me to roll off. You have meat shields on the court.

I got meat shields. Shields mate. Geo's my meat shield. Because what I do is I drag him by his neck and I just push him in a certain way so that I can hit the light out. It's like what I did with Sandwich at the dodgeball thing. I literally grabbed her and used her as a shield yeah and it's effective because you can't draw a foul off that

yeah but it may be as mean to geo and we need to change nick right you seem bad you seem mad no no i'm not mad at all you know not all because it's true and he likes it's true he likes the truth happening you like the truth is it true is it true that I fry hard as hell Yeah, no two-part question first part guilty. Do you frag hard as hell second part? Do you sometimes treat a what is a multiplayer game group activity as a single-player game game where you go off on your own? It's just that it's just that his shoes have so much cement in them dude. That's not fucking true It's just that he has no motion. Do you have no motion? I have motion. I look over at him and he's holding the M-T-Z interceptor and he's like, guys. That's not true.

Water tower. Wow, so he's shaggy, dude. He's a little shook. And I'm like, I'm coming. I'm coming. No, you're not. You don't fucking do that. You don't say shit. You don't do anything. Nick Angling was fucking right and I'm tired of pretending he wasn't I guess Nick, shoes on the other foot

If we play basketball and I don't give you the ball once And we win And I'm just fucking draining shots left and right over Aiden Like happened in the game Would that upset you? Or would you be happy? Do you feel fulfilled? The real answer is, because I thought about it last time we played

Is I'm having a lot of fun in basketball learning how to control people mid-play by where I'm standing. So as long as I feel like I'm contributing to the play by like, oh, I make a cut, which makes an opening for you and you're in a basket, then I'm like, oh, that's kind of like an assist in that play. Okay. I have fun doing that. Okay. The funny answer, because we're on a podcast, is, Ludwig, that sucks. Yo. I have fun doing that. Okay. The funny answer because we're on a podcast is, Ludwig, that sucks. Yo.

Why are you always doing that shit, bro? No, this one's called Ball Hogs and it's people getting their balls stepped on

by pigs. By pigs. Yeah. Let's watch some clips. Why is there a pig there, Rob? Shut up, Chanel. Sorry. That's a good clips. Why is there a pig there, Rob? Shut up, Chanel. Sorry.

That's a good Chanel. I know. I know. Everyone's got a Chanel. I got a good Chanel. I got a good Shapiro. Apparently. People said my Shapiro was the dad of the park.

Your Shapiro was good. Chanel Shapiro. Yo. He explains the world to her for the first time, and she accepts all of it as fact. You were literally explaining frenemies, which was Trisha Paytas and Ethan Klein. That a big audience too. Wait, Trisha Penis? No, Paytas. You can't name your kid that. It's Penis. It wasn't even close to Penis.

Also, also even if it was Penis, you're still not naming your kid that you were named after. Naming your kid Rich Penis? If it's their last, if it's the surname, you were also given it as the Penis. Richard Penis. Again, my arch nemesis. If it's the surname, you are also given it as the penis. Richard Penis. Richard Penis. Yet again, my arch nemesis. Big for short. Wait, I'm a, okay. I'm a college professor. Yo. Mr. Phil Bridgebag. It's community college.

And class just started. Guys, welcome to Comp 101. Get your syllabus out. We're gonna go through the syllabus. My name is... Okay. Dr. Penis. penis oh dr. penis doctor how do you spell that doctor he and is just like the sex organ should we call you penis for short dr. penis doctor cuz I don't feel comfortable calling you doctor why it's my name.

What about Doctor P? Wait, is... Doctor P would be cool, right? Is your name... Doctor P P! Is your name Doctor and your last name's Penis? Or is... Are you a Doctor? No, it's my title, you idiot.

I'm a professor. What is your first name, Doctor, if I could ask? Richard. Can I just call you Dick? Do you call me Dick? I'd be more comfortable. Really? Dick Penis?

You'd be more comfortable calling me Dick. You know what I got in trouble for this what I had a a resource officer in high school it was called Richard

okay you took full advantage of that and we were tight I never brought it up you and dick were tight I never brought pause

I wouldn't do this I wouldn't do this to Richard sure but one day I did do this to Richard cause we were goofing we were gaffing we got along

and so I go I go I go do this to Richard because we were goofing. We were gaffing. We got along. And so I go, I go, I go, yo, what's Richard nickname for Dick? Okay. Oh, you can't say it that way. And then, and then, and then he, I don't know what he said, but he's like, he's like, don't. He didn't like it. And then I was like, what up Dick? What up Dick, you dumb son of a bitch.

Dude, that hat is so funny when you say that. And he did not like that. Okay. And that was the first time we ever beefed. Did you fight? Damn. We fucking, we just duped it out right there. In the parking lot?

In the parking lot, right fucking there. You have to. It was me and him. He pulled out a gun, though. He put a gun to my head and said, call me Richard. He did win the fight. We've met up years after. Did you call him dick?

No, I kept it professional but i could was it on like a soon love he might let me go more like a love thing like a more like a trist romantic have you talked to og a nice brunch who's og tuna oh not why we talked a new year's but i haven't gone to meet him yet we're supposed to meet up that's so sweet that's actually nice send me a new year's message and i sent one back Aww Really nice I hope he's doing great Is there a Taiwanese New Year? Uh I think that's

Lunar Lunar New Year No they're still on year one They've just held They're working on it We're officially year one The 10,000 year one Until they have independence

They will not start the calendar It's just been years ago They don't want to get Too ahead of themselves In case Oh shit February 10th? Oh, it's coming up.

No, wait. February 8th until the 14th. Alright, so it's right now. What? Today's the 5th, man. Should I wish him a happy Lunar New Year?

You could. Just tell him that you're thinking about him and all the things and all the times. I'm thinking about you. I'm thinking about you.

No, because you're going to get weird again. Dude, I was thinking about this. Unrelated. you I'm thinking about you cause you're gonna get weird I was thinking about this um unrelated Eamon yeah do you think

remember how we always talked about when we worked at BTS and you were at Smash EG before that and we always talk about how like one day we'll like

tell it all man yeah one day we'll like we'll really just tell us sit down and we'll we'll write the book yeah of what we know

the blood boys about the back dealings and this and that do you think the dust is settled We'll really just tell us, sit down and we'll write the book of what we know. The Blood Boys? About the back dealings and this and that. Do you think the dust is settled? No. No? No, it's gotten, it's a worse time to tell it all. What? A hundred percent.

Come on. Yeah. The dust is up. The dust is, this is. Even I know the dust is up. This could be the worst time to tell it all. I can't believe you don't know the dust is up. I don't know, man.

Shit. It was. Thanks, Hank. One day. You promise me. Yeah. Oh, one day. When we're old and gray. We'll talk about the Omega circuit. We'll write a book that seven people will read. I was looking at it. I had a little screen.

I have this screenshot saved on my desktop of like a bunch of notes of stuff. And I'd be like one day. One day I'll say it. I have no idea what on my desktop of like a bunch of notes of stuff. And I'd be like, one day, one day I'll say it. I have no idea what they're talking about. What the fuck do you mean? It started with the Omega Circuit. Oh, it started.

I don't know the fucking backroom shit. I don't know what any of this is. The backroom demons. If I were to tell all the streamers, it wouldn't be that fucking big. I designed this rhyme to explain in due time. Ludwig. I'm not doing it. If I wrote a big book, tell all of the streamer shit, it'd be like XQC's drama that everyone already knows.

No, because you guys are messy, sloppy bitches. Nick Yangling's going to get to write that book. Yeah. He'll have it. He does keep saying he wants to write a book and he wants to blackmail people. And then he also came up with the idea of running an eSports house, and he thought that would be a good way to make money. I think he's maybe Cochino right now. Kaczynski, sorry. He's no Cochino. I think he is. Oh, Dubbin. Dubbin, I'm so hungry. Valentine's

Day is coming up, sweetheart. Do you want me to cook you something, my sweet little baby girl? Hey, you power couple you. Will you cook for him? I'll cook for everyone who will fill me up. I'm hungry, Dubbin. But Dubbin, Dubbin, you hate the grocery store, Dubbin. Guys, I'll fill up anyone who fills me up, and I do it with the help of HelloFresh. If you guys don't know, HelloFresh keeps mealtime exciting

with over 40 meals and 100 add-ons to choose from every week. And we're talking quick and easy 15-minute meals. They got a lot of pest-taring options. Stop groaning. You can wag all of those. You can wag all of the big ingredients. Satiate me, Dubbin.

Aiden needs to be satiated and I usually fill him up good. Do they have a lot of options? Yeah, I fill you up with a lot of good protein options. 40 weekly recipes, Aiden. They're all coming soon. Why are you going through heroin withdrawals? If they have less than 30 options, I don't coming soon. Why are you going through heroin withdrawals? If they have less than 30 options, I don't want to.

They got more than 30. They got 40. And I know you like getting filled morning, afternoon, and night. So they got breakfast, too. Every moment, I'm so hungry. Well, Aiden, I can give you breakfast for life for free forever until you die or HelloFresh goes bankrupt. Will you make it for me every time? I'll make it for you every time.

I'll make you full. It's just HelloFresh.com slash The you make it for me every time? I'll make it for you every time. I'll make you full. It's just HelloFresh.com slash the yard free and use code the yard free. For free breakfast for life, Aiden. Which yours is probably ending soon. So it's actually not that long of a time for you. It'll be free forever for life, Aiden. I'm worried sick that it won't be for life. It will.

They promised. Yeah. They promised it'll be forever for life forever now. Hello, afresh. America's number one meal kit. America's number one meal kit. You see the Aiden Ross thing? Dude, I didn't see it.

I just heard about it. You got something done so dirt, man. I think it was the greatest stream I've ever watched in my life. Really? Actually, because Kai Sen at reacting to Aiden Ross having Cardi on his stream for maybe Dude, six minutes. My favorite part about that, I've only seen the clips which the whole stream fits in a clip So I basically seen the stream. Wait

We'll get the context. Sorry, is this not the 21 Savage thing? Is this different? No, this is the Playboy Cardi who went on a stream. I'll let you tell the details, but the only thing I want to say is that Cardi uses a microphone like he just learned what one was. Like, he sees it, and he goes like this. He goes... Yeah, so I'm talking to stream now. Like, he gets really close to it every time he needs to talk, and he whispers into it. That's insane.

He's a professional recording artist. He's a recording artist. whispers into it. He's like saying he's a professional Recording artist he's my age really he's 28. So he's not old enough to be getting away with that sure So here's the context Aiden Ross got scammed by 21 Savage Yeah with the card thing that that was the whole thing. Yeah that they're they're made up. They're kissy kissy That's good when in Savage is going on SNL because I was losing sleep about it we're back I couldn't 21 Savage is going on SNL yeah that's awesome 21 Savage is he's having a year he performed the Grammys going on SNL he also was in Erzikstan every night he's going on the yard I heard he's going to the yard everyone's talking about it and uh and Playboy Cardi was supposed to go on Aiden Ross' stream he doesn't do a lot of media

nowadays he hasn't dropped an album in three plus years he was supposed to drop on Aiden Ross' stream. He doesn't do a lot of media nowadays. He hasn't dropped an album in three plus years. He was supposed to drop an album in January. Yeah, he's on his I Wear a Mask sometimes type of He got a mask from

Kanye and he wears it a lot. Okay. So anyway, Aiden Ross. But it's not crazy in there. Someone tweeted out

Aiden Ross paid 50k to get Playboy Cardi on. Aiden Ross quote retweets and goes, it was two million cash. Whoa.

And a Ferrari. And a Ferrari. And everyone's like, okay, damn. And so after the Grammys. That's expensive. That's too expensive. Aiden comes to LA

because Playboy Carty's in town for the Grammys. Yeah. Sets up a whole stream. Goes live. For 90 minutes, he's like, Playboy Carty's coming soon.

He's going to come soon. And then eventually some people from Carty's team come and then, but Playboy Carty never shows up. And then he fucking leaves.

Yeah. And Aiden's like, what's going on? He's like, he didn't like the vibes. He left. He's like a cat. And Aiden's like, what? And then he goes on stream and he shows this big duffel bag, the size of this red crate, full of $100 stacks.

Bro. I've never seen that much money in my life. I don't know how much it was. It might have been millions. Yeah. Just in cash, which is crazy. And he shows on stream and he goes,

Cardi, this is yours. Just come back. We're just going to talk, come back. And he just shows the cash and that works. Oh my God. And there's 400,000 people waiting before he even shows up,

which is more than chess boxing. Yeah. It's like as many as the streamer awards. It's more than the subathon too yeah but like he's not even there yet it's just in anticipation which is crazy to me uh and and so he comes back and then he asks for an intro song playboy cardi which is one of his songs so they play it and then it's him three of his guys play where Carty's just fucking his games goons as affiliates So they're goonin and then Aiden Ross and they're all standing up and just doing this

And it goes on for ten minutes Is the song ten minutes long? No, they play three songs Well, I mean you gotta find the right one. Yes at the vine guys reacting and he's like he's like you have to dance You just have to dance in this moment. I would have danced at this moment. Oh, my God. Hit the Dougie or something. And Aiden's just like, you know, he's a white guy.

He's chilling. And then eventually they stop the music, and then Aiden's like, man, it's crazy you're here. That's crazy. And then Playboy Carter does this thing Nick does, where he's like, yeah, thanks for everyone watching. Yeah, thanks, y'all. I love y'all. Music coming soon, 2024, music. Aiden asks him a couple questions.

Both are ignored. At one point, he goes, hey, you want to sit down and talk? And then he goes, no, you stand up. And then he stands up. He does one final, I love you all, music 2024. And then he says, I've got to go back to the studio and leaves with the bag of money. Oh, my God.

And at a certain point, one of his, one of his goons counts like the girl in the back. She counts the money. Kai's just grimacing at this. Dude, it was a tough watch. Without Kai, it was a very difficult watch. Kai watches, by the way, Kai might get banned for this because he watched Aiden who's banned on Twitch. Oh, true.

Live on Twitch. Yeah. And so, and then he just hits a lick for two mil. Yeah, it wasn't actually two mil. What? Because Aiden calls 21 Savage later on stream to talk about it. And then 21 Savage watches the clips and he goes, why the fuck didn't you pay me? Oh, no, I'm sorry.

Which is funny. I'm sorry. Cardi. Yeah, yeah. So 21 Savage says, why the fuck didn't you pay me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you paid Cardi two mil. And Aiden goes, it wasn't two mil. And he goes, one mil? And he goes, it wasn't one mil is funny. Cardi. Yeah, yeah. So 21 Savage says, why the fuck didn't you pay me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you paid Cardi two mil. And he goes, it wasn't two mil.

And he goes, one mil? And he goes, it wasn't one mil. Stop. I'll tell you after stream. But he paid him some odd hundreds of thousands. Some big amount of cash. Some insane amount of cash. I think they negotiated down.

Which is likely just fronted by a kick. Do you think? It was fronted by Eddie. He said it. Who was the CEO of Kick? Basically, this is live stream culture interacting with mainstream culture. And it seems that every time this happens, it's like the live streamer just getting like fucking bullied. Like a little like a high school.

I don't I don't think. Well, you have something to say about it. I think Aiden's getting more bullied than Kai. That's what I was going to say. I feel like the stuff that I've seen when Kai hangs out with people like this Doesn't seem like this. Didn't Kai have Nikki on? Kai had Nikki Minaj on. Feels like Wiz turned her to a stoner. Yeah Yeah, it was tragic, but Kai did his best to reverse what the damage was He said no more with the... come on

Kai had a great stream with Nikki. Also had a great stream with 21 Savage. Kai feels like he Has a lot of these people's legitimate respect, from what I can tell, for whatever reason. I also think Aiden had a great stream with 21 Savage until he got scammed. Like, it was a great stream. You just said it was a hard watch. No, no, 21 Savage. Oh, I keep mixing them up.

They're different people. They're just different. With 21 Savage, they did this thing where they went on Omegle, and they said, who's hotter? And they paid for 10K like a flip, which I think is a cool way to gamble.

It's kind of beast. But yeah, I do think some people on the teams don't respect Aiden as much, which is why they try to scam him and then try to take a two mil here. Do you think there's a career

in that inside of there? It's like, I'm the guy. You and Aiden Ross in that way are extremely similar. Getting scammed? Yeah. Yeah. Not even, but not getting scammed, but like like i'm the guy you you and aiden ross in that way are extremely similar getting scammed yeah yeah not even but not getting scammed but like i'm the i'm the goof i'm getting fucking scammed like i i did not pour a little old me i'm just getting

well i think a lot of destroyed i don't know what it is look i'm not gonna pretend i know fucking mainstream culture or rap culture at all, but Aiden Ross does love making gay jokes. Yeah. Or sus jokes or whatever. And there was one TTS message that was sus when 21 Savage was there, and instantly he's like, turn that off.

I forget what it was. Something kind of gay. And I was like, nope, we're not doing that. Cock is one of're not doing that I love you from the balls up bro your music and also your nuts and dick bro I think about that 21 21 does not want to do something for me anyway but you said it was must-see TV it was must-see TV I thought it was really must-see TV. I thought it was really funny. Those are some events, man.

Like, it's so... I don't... I don't know. It scares me. You can't get that cringe videotaped. What are you saying? That magic can only happen live. Oh, sure, sure.

Because if you can edit it, then you fix it up a bit. Why? Or you can say, like, they didn't actually leave. Right. Why do you think that this has, like, 400,000 viewers, but an artist going live on, like, their Instagram has less? Well, I think specifically Playboi Carti hasn't done a lot of media or anything,

and he's, like, blacked out all his socials. Oh, so he's, like, particularly intriguing. He's particularly, yeah. It's like that South Park with the the scarcity and he also supposed to come out with music so i think people anticipated some announcements and he's the inspiration of 30 of valorant tags oh yeah yeah dude so many playboy cardi songs are the gamer tags in valorant it's uh it reminds me of i think we talked about this before but the bts white labeled an event called chipotle Challengers, which was a Warzone event.

Yeah. Back during COVID, I think. And there was a bunch of famous people. There was basketball players. There was, who was it, Takeoff? Steve Aoki, Takeoff. Takeoff from Migos. It was a really weird event.

Went live to seven people. Nick was his first sub. I was his first sub. I love the music, man. It the music man what's going on it was very funny it's like what it's just funny because you assume that someone like as big as that like flips on a stream people are like you know I'm in there I'm gonna watch streaming and playing warzone and the same laptop I think you assume people would hunt a bit harder like you assume these

people that are that level of famous have like a fandom that is so die hard that even with no marketing that that stream would just become bigger but i think i've realized that like these like recording like celebrities who are that big still need like marketing years to like push also just like the first need to know how to fucking create a good stream sure technologically and then also I was boot up and have a pretty average or shit stream and like have a lot of people watching little G like Drake Drake Drake will pull a lot of viewers when he streams yeah like when you actually doesn't he it's weird he's like a worldwide person. Like, I watched Lil B play 2K to like 86 people.

Is he a good streamer? No. What about like a... He's a terrible streamer. That was so fast. Or like Madison Beer. Madison Beer, like, popped off, right? Her streams did well, when she did it for a bit.

It's just such a, it's such a mysterious thing, it seems, sometimes. Like, real fame, or what we consider real fame, or traditional fame, and then like this weird livestream fame, where like this weird live stream fame where like the miskiffs of the world and the Aiden's and the Kai's like kind of run this show

well I think famous stream famous people are badass streaming usually so I think it's why their streams don't do as well that's why they don't do them isn't it kind of sweet how big do you think

we can make Dave Rolls Fowler at stream not it's also gotta be I'll tell you how small I can make it bro I'll tell you how I put an end to that real fast it's also gotta just i'll tell you how small i can make it bro i'll tell you i put an end to that real fast it's also gotta just be where their audiences are embedded right yeah

like if you're fucking like matthew mcconaughey like how many of your fans are on twitch green light my man not many but i think it's more and more a thing to for like like in rap culture to be part of streams yeah and i think that this hurts it a bit makes it a lot i think worse for a little bit yeah well i do like the idea that more famous rappers can like get a bag by scamming live streamers i think of all people live streamers should be scammed the most i I agree. I agree 100%. Why? Why would you disagree? Terrorists. A live streaming terrorist? Yeah.

No. Should be scammed more. We shouldn't scam terrorists. No, same amount. Same amount! Same amount. Because you're all the same. Liam, the same amount you do, the live streaming terrorist.

Yes. And it hurts me to say it. When the streamer war comes and I have to kill Liam. You have to kill Liam. You do. I'm just trying. Fuck, man. You think we can get Nicki Minaj to kill Liam. You have to kill Liam. You do. I'm just trying. Fuck, man. You think we can get Nicki Minaj to come on the yard?

I don't. Why? Okay, I haven't even finished. The answer's no. You haven't heard what I'm going to say. Okay, yeah, go ahead. Okay. To try to convert her off weed.

We want to turn her back from a stoner. Do you think she'd want to do that? Maybe like a, I don't know, whatever she wants. Do you think she'd want to do that? Did she want to be turned to a stoner after what was set? Maybe like a, I don't know, she can be whatever she wants. Do you think she'd want to do that? Well, it's, did she want to be turned

to a stoner? I guess my question is, the answer was no. She's doing something now. that info, do you think this changes my answer to yes? I think it's closer to yes

than you lead on. Do you think that Wiz has to turn her back from a stoner? Oh, like he holds the crystal. You guys know Josh only has literally one pair of underwear? No. Yeah, he has one pair.

He calls them Joshies fun time. Yeah, they call them his Joshies, and they look like Swiss cheese. Does he wash them daily? No, he doesn't. He hasn't washed them since he got here from Australia. Why don't you help him? I've been debating it because part of me wants to see how long he can go. But part of me wants to like make him into a normal human being who isn't like a rotten,

disgusting creature. He just has more pairs of underwear. He doesn't. But the thing is, when I finally break and I cannot handle it anymore, I'm going to get a MeUndies. Why MeUndies? Why them? It's easy because it his monthly shipments right

before my door there's options so he doesn't get bored they're colorful they're cool they're soft they got joggers and hoodies too it's stretchy it's comfy and also he inflates and deflates when he eats uh like chicken and american food he's honestly just like a weird sim that's glitched and he stinks so bad so i'm trying to get this under control with MeUndies to start off They're so soft Aiden They're super soft Which kind of makes me mad I don't think Josh himself actually deserves that

You could also get Josh the socks He has very soft lips But they have so many little patterns We can get him little Australian flags probably You could get Josh a martini Patterned bralette I could and you know what I might have to make him wear that because he doesn't pay rent.

You should have him only wear MeUndies while he helps around. Okay. Yeah. Anything to make me, to free me from this prison that he himself has kept me inside of. That's MeUndies.com slash zipper. If you're like Josh and you can smell your balls from head height,

then you're going to want to go to MeUndies.com slash zipper and just replace them. That's MeUndies.com slash zipper. You get 20% off plus free shipping. Wow. So don't wait to be comfortable. It's MeUndies. I sponsor the pod. Let's get back to the pod.

Can Drake see it? Let's just go back. Let's go back. So what I'm saying is we, I think we should, here's the thing. We are fucking podcasters. We do nothing. We add nothing. We need to do something. Here's the thing. We are fucking podcasters. We do nothing. We add nothing. We need to do something.

No value. I'm laughing at the no value mmms. It's true. That's your brain rot. You think you do have value, and that's disgusting. I didn't think that. I think you have value, Dumpin'. Do I add value to what?

I think the people who are digging the Mississippi River to reroute it to be able to trade efficiently are more important than us. But you don't think that. Do you think I don't think that? I definitely think that. Why do you think I don't think that? Because you just don't stop. You would stop livestreaming and become an engineer.

No, I add a lot of value to the people around me. So that's why I can't stop. No, you don't. What a dumb fucking thing to say. You're rich because of that. Sorry, we're moving on. We're moving on.

So what I'm saying is let's do something with our fucking time and platform for good. Okay. Right? We need to turn her back. That's what your mission is. Hey, Annika, if you want to come on the podcast. Is that her name? Yeah, isn't it? I don't know. I don't fucking know. I would want to come on the podcast. Is that her name? Yeah, isn't it?

I don't know. I don't fucking know. I would have thought her name was Nikki. What is Nikki Minaj's real name? It's Nicholas. I also don't feel like I know her well enough to use her- It's Annika. I don't think I should use her government name.

Don't say it differently than I said it. Well, you said Annika. I said Annika. It is true. Oh, I am wrong. Because there's an O. I remembered that much. I also feel like we should just call her Nikki.

I'll call her whatever she wants to be called. I just want to turn her back. Why? Because Wiz turned her to a stoner. Then me, her, Shake, and Yingo could have a fucking blunt rotation. I don't like that. Why? Because maybe, what if she's trapped in like the weed dimension and all these years she's

like, I just want out. After Weed on Boys done boys She's trapped. She's gonna hit shake drizzles pen and be like I've had a lot of weed in my time and nothing nothing Nothing like that. Nothing compares to the Rick and Morty pen. Mm-hmm. Jeez Rick There he is You wanna hit my blunt? Come on! That's literally my picture! According to my calculations this will get you high as fuck.

High as shit. You guys are meaner than my picture. We're definitely meaner than your picture. You posted the picture! To so many human beings! Random people! I bet you check your unread DMs, it's people roasting the fuck out of your friend shake drizzle, and you

don't care. Well, they're roasting them but for the burger. It's definitely an indica. It's not for Well, they're roasting him but for the burger. It's definitely an indica It's not for the burger man. It's for the burger You made him look like sim fuckas. You can't fucking get that burger shade. Speaking of having people on the yard I opened our subreddit recently fucking top post Matpat is coming on the yard. I'm scrolling through the comments people getting excited about the Matpat I'm in there asking who Matpat is And then I commented on the yard. I'm scrolling through the comments people getting excited about the MatPat. I'm in there asking who MatPat is. I commented on the thread.

I commented on the thread. I was like, how do you guys know about this before me? So you guys know Game Theory? He's a Game Theory guy. Is he the one who retired? Yeah. Game Theory. I veto this. Why?

Because he says it annoying. He vetoes it. I'll this. I don't, man. Why? Because he says it annoying. Okay. He vetoes it. Sorry, Matt. I'll have to tell Matt. But it is slime. Hold on. Why don't we just replace him for an episode?

We will make a deal if you can get Nicki Minaj to come on the podcast. If you know Nicki, I will set aside my prejudice because I want to help her. Yeah. And turn her back. Matt Pat, also from Trinidad, weirdly enough. Family connection. Is that true?

It is true, yeah. Why does MatPat want to come on? Do you know him? Do you fuck with man dem like that? I fuck with man dem like that. When we chatted, I did a stream where I went through

all the FNAF lore. Yeah. And I called him after because he's the guy who made that shit popular. Right, okay. And so he verified that I knew what I was talking about

and then I said, hey, you want to come to the yard? And he said, yeah, when I'm in LA. Does he remember your Kingdom Hearts Prezi presentation? I don't know if he ever saw that. Hmm.

So he wasn't a real fan. He just liked you when you got fucking big and strong. He likes you because of your podcast. I don't even know if he's a fan of me. I've just met him. He's a huge fan.

Did you meet him at the Blood Boy meetup? I met him at VidCon in the Blood Boy meetup and the other Blood Boy meetup and the other VidCon. I love the idea of MatPat and Linus Tech Tips just hitting a fucking, hitting a meth pipe. We were hitting a meth pipe. A baseball bat sized blunt. It was actually weed. Wiz was also there.

No! He's everywhere! He's going for Linus. He turned Linus to a stoner? Yep. I think it works the other way around. I've been smoking weed. No! He's everywhere! He's going for Linus. He turned Linus into a stoner? I think it works the other way around. I've been smoking weed. Your Linus is just me, higher pitched.

The components of Black and Mild. Your Linus is actually just me doing... Now, what blood is 50% tobacco, 50% indica? You're bouncing like it's me. Yeah, you guys are... Because you have YouTuber voice. You're the same. You're all the same fucking DNA

Don't I love how you carve yourself out and carvers you you get to make the money of a youtuber podcaster But carve yourself out of all the negatives He does like doing content here anything to say about that though cuz he went BB mode and you kind of shut up You have shit to say about it. Yeah, Because he went BBB mode and you kind of just shut up. You didn't have shit to say about it. The BBB mode? Yeah, because you were kind of like scared, maybe. Wogwon, brody.

Wogwon. I don't know what to say to that now. I had him locked down. Do you think I get to have my cake and eat it too? I don't think you get to say Wogwon. This is where you draw the line. Yeah. Why not?

I think you can have your cake, eat it, but you can't say Wogwon while you eat it. My dad, and I've told this before, when my mom was pregnant with me, said, I'm going out to get cigarettes, and then he went to Jamaica for two weeks and didn't tell her. Dude. He brought back a Wagwan card? I think I get to say it. My black stepfather's from Jamaica. You can say it too.

We're the same. We're not the same. What do you think Wagwan means? I'm confused by we're not the same what do you think wagwan means I'm confused by right now yeah what do you think you think it's a bad word

no I'm talking to you me why it's a contraction for what is going on why would you get it from Jamaica

instead of just getting it from like the UK because it started in there it started it started in Jamaica I don't know where it started but they say they say it in Jamaica they say it in Jamaica? I don't know where it started. They say it in Jamaica,

they say it in the UK, and then they say it in Toronto. There you go. It's from Toronto? It's the Jamaican diaspora, which is a word that is complicated to explain. It means diaper in Jamaica. That means it did not start in Toronto.

That means it's from Jamaica. Did it get to Toronto because of Drake? I don't know if it's because of Drake. Maybe. I feel like Drake brought it. I do think Drake, unironically, has a very large cultural hold in Toronto. He's also a culture vulture.

You ever listen to... Oh, my God. Back then when he was really in the southern rep and he would speak in a weird little southern drawl. Yeah, and then he was from Barbados Southern rep and he would like speak in like a weird little Southern draw. Yeah. And then he was from Barbados for a while. And he was Barbados. Like he was just, he was just hopping around.

Then he's from the UK all of a sudden. He meets Skepta and he's just like, oh, okay. Well, I won. That's what I'm saying, bro. So yes, I can say it. What Grammy do you think we could win? Best new artist. That's such a hard one.

Not for me. Are there podcasts, Grammys? There's Best Audio Book. I don't know if there might be a podcast. What if we do an episode of the podcast that we structure with all the guidelines so that it is an episode that is an audio book. So we release

a one-off episode. We don't call it like episode whatever. We say like new episode name and we structure it like an audiobook but it's low-key secretly the podcast what if we just do a radio play like we do a radio listen what we do is we record a podcast have it transcribed and put into a book format release that first right and then and then we tell everyone hey juice this we're trying to win a fucking no we just say this is the audio this is a book that we wrote and it's just a transcription of us talking and then we tell everyone, hey, juice this. We're trying to win a fucking Grammy. No, we just say this is the audio. This is a book that we wrote, and it's just a transcription of us talking.

And then we release the audio book, which is the podcast episode. We're doing the minimal amount of work for the maximum effort. Children's comedy audio book narration. That's kind of fun. We could do jazz. Who won that category? It's about the notes you don't play. Children's music album.

That's actually kind of your wheelhouse. Dude, let's make a children's music. Wait, why is that my wheelhouse? Baby, it's cold outside. That's not a children's song. I really like Twitch. That's not what I said. No, that's what I call music. Dude, Ludwig on Kidz Bop would go fucking insane that would rule Wow you can do this

Yeah, there's doing kids bop. I don't think so. There's still pumping. I asked me if you're not gonna believe me because I don't trust What comes out of your mouth? Walk into the club like what up? I got a hit song. That's just the actual lyric. No, it's not. No wait, what is it? Dude you've only listened to kids bop version of thrift shop? No, it's not. Wait, what is it? Dude, you've only listened to Kidz Bop versions of Shops? No, I listen to the real version of... Kidz Bop 2024.

It's because they don't want a bunch of kids saying, walk into the club, like, what up, I got a big cock. He says that? Yeah. He's got a big shop. What do you think is going to rhyme next with Thrift Shop? Shop again. Like Kanye.

Man. What's on Kidz Bop 2024? What's like the track list? That new shit, Olivia Rodrigo Vampire. Good for you, I'm middle school. What are you? Oh, it actually is. It's right there.

It's just all the new shit. I don't know any of these songs. Barbie World? I know Karma. That's T-Swift's just all the new shit. I don't know any of these songs. Barbie World? I know Karma. That's T-Swift. Mm-hmm. Wow. Man, I gotta get tapped in, bro.

Can we get iSpice on the pod? Guys, I don't think we can get anyone that famous on the pod. Why do you think that? Because they don't know we exist. Do you think... iSpice listens to the yard. Do you think banter could get iSpice on the pod? There's a chance

What the fuck Not But it's also not A thing anymore Banter Yeah What if They stopped doing it

Yeah Weapon Shows us that They stopped like a year ago What if Ice Spice Teaches me how to shake ass There's no ass to shake I think

Ice Spice could I think Ice Spice could Awaken something She would just look at you And be like I can't There's nothing to do here No

There's nothing to work with She's an expert I think she could figure it out No it's look at you and be like, I can't, there's nothing to do here. No, she's an expert. I think she could figure it out. It's like a doctor being like faced with an impossible surgery. It's not like that. It's just like, I'm sorry. Medicine has only come too far. You're saying a man without legs.

How can I play soccer? Doctor, you can miraculously, the ball goes in the net shortly after my lessons. You can be a goalie. Ooh, that's kind of fun. The most effective goalie.

A goalie of shaking ass. Yeah. In the shaking ass. In terms of like where you're stationary and don't move. Yeah, like you could use your two hands

to shake your ass cheek. Yeah. It's like rules lawyering that you're shaking ass. Yeah, that's how I'd be pooping sometimes. Pushing your glasses up. My hands on my ass.

Yeah. Do you spread your cheeks? Spreading your cheeks. Well, sometimes I use like the bowl to spread the cheeks. But like do you lift up? Sometimes you sit with a wider stance. But what that does

is it actually takes your asshole and turns it from a circle into like an eye shape. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a cat's eye. Which makes it less comfortable coming out. Yes. But makes it easier to get the initial push.

But what I like doing is I like doing it wide and then if you pull it it'll change the shape Like a fun pair of scissors on the way out You like you like wiggle your ass so it comes out in a wave form it comes out way Yeah, so like vape trick cover this before we're looping again, but no we know Yeah, because I I said and I said this is the most honest thought I've ever had that your poop is merely a 3d representation of the width of your asshole Oh, you did say that. So it's like a...

Toilet but the inside is acid and the poop immediately turns into liquid. Then what? You flush it and you don't have to clog the toilet in front of your friends again. That's sad. This is like a problem for like guys like you only. Yeah for big Italian poopers. What if it melts the pipes? It won't because we have

special pipes. Acid proof pipes that we installed. We have good special pipes. Like in Breaking Bad. Jesse doesn't buy the good toilet pipes. Oh no, it's the wrong of...

Yeah, the... And all the goop gets in there. All my shit falling from the second story onto Walter White. It's good to be home. You know I took a photo of my poop yesterday? Can I see it? You didn't send it to me? It's good to be home You know I took a photo Of my poop yesterday

Can I see it? You didn't send it to me? It's only for Anthony Sorry What? Yeah I'm sorry Show me It's like a thing

Show me live I'm gonna send it to you Show me live I don't wanna show you live But I I have a really funny Caption to go with it Okay

And I'll send it to you And you'll laugh That's great But he can't see that We got a little thing going on He's got a thing I'll send it to you and you'll laugh. That's great. But he can't see that? We got a little thing going on. Yeah, he's got a thing. I'll send you a picture of my shit and my cock. I don't.

Both? No question to ask. Holding it next to it like a Coke can? What if I don't want that? No question asked. I'll just put it on your desk face down and then you lift it if you want. That's kind of fun. I think we need HR. It's like down and then you lift it if you want that's kind of fun it's like the green goblin mask whispering to you

we really don't need HR you gotta stop bringing that up at meetings yeah it's about time it's just kind of getting like annoying we need HR if you didn't have a bunch of people depending on you for jobs would you just cut and run

yeah where would you just cut and run? Yeah. Where would you go? Nick already called us last week. Yeah. Wait, he called it? That was true? Yeah.

That was real shit? Nick knows me more than you ever can. No, I know you more. Nick knows me to a T. I know you to your bones. You know me and my bones, but he knows me and my balls. So together. And I'm in there like, bong, bong, bong. Like, I got my head in there. Sometimes me and nick will theorycraft what you're thinking

it's hard i'd go i'd go where do you think i go so well well we already talked about it i guess you'd go to sweden or whatever i hate sweden i'd go to france you go to france you open a bread store don't be defensive bread store it's cold bakery laundry no it's. Open a bread store. It's a cone bakery. A boulangerie. No, it's just a store. A bread store is so good. Yeah, cut, tail, and run, though. Open a bread bar. Because you're over it? No, we're going to open a bread bar.

You put beer in the bread and all sorts of soups. It's like Panera. All sorts of soups and chilies. It's like Panera, but with an IPA. A bar, but there's just really nice bread at the table served. You get like a dusty IPA bread. So do you feel like you're chained to the setup? Uh-huh.

Like you're chained to the channel? Yeah. Like they rattle the chains and they say, get up now. Well, no. Make content now. I like doing it. I'm good at my job. Get up, dog.

Well, you say. But I don't want to keep doing it forever. But you like it right now? Yeah, but you like doing it right now. Yeah, right now it's good. Do you still think the worst video you ever did was Sykuno and you playing Madden? No, I don't even. That was a sponsor, right?

Yeah. No, the worst. We talked about the worst video I think I ever did is the one with Shake Drizzle. Did we talk about this one? No. Come on. Dude, what is it? The worst video.

What? It was a sponsor for this game Valheim. You know Valheim, right? Yeah. It was basically like the new Lego Fortnite game. And so I got a sponsor for it. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. It was me, H-Rock Stans.

Day of, I'm like, I will do a bros versus pro. And they're like, who's the pro going to be? And I'm like i will do a bros versus pro and they're like who's the pro gonna be i'm like well i know shake plays the game oh my god and so i'm like shake you're gonna be our pro today and he's like dude i haven't played in six months i'm like ah that's all right and so this is what it's called can three friends beat one valheim pro and it's shake drizzle and we basically each took like an hour to like grind mats and get better at the game. And then we 3v1 shake. Which surely you destroy him.

We do fucking destroy him. It is like, it's not even close. Shake's miserable. And we played for like, it was something crazy, man. Because I used to just do insane stakes. It looks like a four hour stream. We played for like 20k. Like the winner would get 20k.

Oh my god. What? And so we just shit on Shake. Me and HROX and Anzaro all popping off cause we all get 20k. Shake's just sad. That's so dope. And it wasn't fun for him or funny at all for the viewers. So then we just like kill like a boss and then end the stream.

And I think, how many views that video have? Well that's a stream bot right? No no no, it was a sponsored video. Why is it that video have? Well, that's a stream bot, right? No, no, no. It was a sponsored video. Why is it four hours long? Oh, that's the bot of it. I think it's the same title basically as the video.

I think it has like a million views. What? That's the worst video I ever did. It has a million views? Oh, yeah, yeah. You got a dick like that.

I know the answer, but I gotta ask it because Slime would ask it too. That ever make you feel like jaded? 750k. Whenever you like, oh, it's that ever make you feel like jaded 750k whenever whenever you like oh it's seven and a million no no 750k kind of nullifies what i'm saying but i was i was kind of making the point like still good numbers do you like do you ever like get a lot of

views on a shit product and think like does any of it matter uh does it matter if i make a good video i think about this all the time does it matter i mean the answer i know the answer i mean yeah sure i think the answer is it does matter Because I think the views don't really matter like do you think that like is? You're feeling that if you were to make like consistently shit videos that they would just go down over time instead of You can have one shit one and get the same viewership, and that's fine But it's only because it's in a library of good videos. I think long long term it'll always go down right Because it's in a library of good videos?

I think long, long term it'll always go down, right? Yeah, but that's not really answering the question. What he should be asking is how does it make you feel when you put something out that you feel is shit, but you still get rewarded for it heavily by viewership or praise? I think I care a lot less about the view count on videos that I don't particularly care about. But I also don't think I output many videos I don't care about nowadays. I think most of the videos I think are funny. Sure.

Because like back then you were doing slop, right? It was every day. Probably during daily uploading. A sponsor is a different category. A sponsor is also different, so I don't care as much about that. Until this day, I don't. Like there's still sponsored videos. So you avoid this idea by just putting out things that you truly believe are good so you don't have to wrestle with that's bad i think i'm on a hot streak i think you are too

i think you're i think you're actually doing the best stuff you've ever done i think the only thing that might be still in that camp is youtube shorts you think that's slop yeah because i think just shorts as a whole are slop short shirt dirty shit slop all shorts are in your shorts because you're just repushing old videos and shit mostly right but even like outside of that i think like i don't know if i've ever watched a short and i've been like fuck yeah that was a good minute a while ago you'd been talking you were talking about shorts being really important like maybe like a year ago right or around the time of like the susan interview especially you were talking about shorts being really important like maybe like a year ago right or around the time of like the susan interview especially you were talking about the value of shorts you brought on a couple people to like focus on making them how do you feel like that's

panned out they get you a lot of subs they bring you a totally different audience like i don't think there's a lot of crossover no from shorts viewers to long form viewers so I think it's still and also the sponsored ones make a lot of money and it's way better than doing a sponsored video

because it doesn't fill your channel yeah basically like a one minute sponsored short for anywhere is a lot better

wait how is it more money for a short is the value of a short higher just because more people see it is that the idea it's more it's not more value than a dedicated video it's more value than a ad read because the value of a short higher just because more people see it? Is that the idea? It's more,

it's not more value than a dedicated video. It's more value than an ad read because it's a dedicated short. Oh, wow. As opposed to 60 seconds of saying Alienware is good in a 10 minute video. Oh, same amount of time effort.

Way more impact. Probably more appealing for you to make a short than to do an ad read in a video. You're similar, yeah. Right? Yeah.

I want to make a short with you. What do you want to do? I want to make art with you. Well, do you want to make art or a short? Because I don't think you can make a short that's art. That's what we should call it. I, and I think you're wrong. We should just call,

we should be called babies. I don't think you can make a short that is art that succeeds. As, from a view standpoint. That's so interesting. Wait, what do you mean? Do you think you can make a TikTok that's art that succeeds? Yeah.

What is the difference, you dumb bastard? I don't know. The fucking, the YouTube algorithm. Yeah. That's so weird. But like, you don't think that like, like science YouTuber can make a short. Nile Red can't make a short turn in gold purple. He could, but yeah, I don't think it's an art.

That's definitely an art. No. No, fuck science think it's an art. That's definitely an art. No. No, fuck science. It's not art. I don't think... If you're using science to create pretty materials, that's an art form. No, fuck that. I don't think the condensed version of Nile Red doing something that is art is art.

Okay, I'll make it... Because you're basically saying... Okay, here's a question. Is the spark notes of the Great Gatsby art? No. This is not a comparable argument. I think it is why because you're showing the condensed version That cuts out what makes it what it is is art Why why are you assuming in a minute he can't include what makes it what it is?

Can you see in a fucking I'm not saying the arts the video I'm not saying the arts the video which it maybe it is I'm saying the art is the literal thing you make I think Depicting art like like saying, look at this painting in a short, it doesn't count as the short being art. A minute's a lot of fucking time. Like, what if they're like a woodworker, and they make a short of how they made a table? I think that's a technical demonstration that's not literally art.

Like, when I am using this word art, and I think Ludwig is thinking it the same way, it's like, this is an artistic piece of media, not depicting what it's like to make a cool thing i'll give you a short form art video is casey fray dancing real real shit that one's art but i don't know if that would do well in youtube shorts maybe i'm wrong maybe it'd fucking crush we're we've entered a strange strange era but the youtube shorts i get is like it's all just

is it bund encore it's all just is it Bundoncore it's Bundoncore yeah it's like I've never watched a YouTube short I don't even know what my album is on well you can start it

with Bundon mine is basketball skateboarding and Bundon you're just a you're just a normal 19 year old kid

I'm a 19 year old and I love smoking weed and I fucking hate it high school mine's all casey apple vision pro jerking off in the shower you get it no i've been getting so much apple vision pro like like my for you page on twitter it's like all like i haven't been like looking up apple vision pro stuff i haven't been like

really talking about it too much and my whole twitter right now is people who are defending the product it's no criticism it's only people who are like apple vision pro is the single most important piece of technology well there was a guy getting out of his fucking cyber truck and he like slams the door and he's like moving his hands around and he looks like a big nerd yeah and then someone tweeted like this is the hardest walk out of cyber truck ever and it's like a whole a whole mess of replies just roasting the shit out of the idea which is good do you do you think here's a podcast idea everyone we get matpat on we all put on apple vision pros and we first to come loses.

But wait, you don't know if someone else has come because we're watching each other through our models that we make? Right. And so we have to discern by the facial expression of someone's came. Yeah. Even though it's not necessarily their face. Yeah, which looks somewhat like them. So it's kind of like a poker face type of thing. Like, can you come without making a vinegar stroke?

Or just a demonstration of the quality of the technology. Like, can Apple accurately show my O face by just doing a couple normal facial scans? I haven't seen any porn on it yet. That's what I've been saying. Well, you can't show that in the YouTube. Why can't somebody post on Twitter? Marques Brownlee is not going to fucking do a P-hug in the review. And the porn on it is actually

awesome. Yeah, and Marques is like, hey, what's up, guys? So you know I'm into Chinese gilfs. I can pinch in here and enlarge the gilfs in 4K. And of course, Chinese gilfs are expensive, but it's worth it for the technology. It's really worth it. And they're going to stay on this wall even if I turn and come into this sock over here.

Oh, wow. And the headband is really, it's pulling on my forehead, so it's kind of uncomfortable. But I can beat off freely because I have my hands. It's a little harder because I need my left for the battery pack, my right for stroking. Because I have my hands It's a little harder because I need my left for the battery pack my right for stroking my shit Now if you're if you're if you have the vision pro the friend then whole thing opens up What you can use you can see their world and what they're stroking their shit to I just want one of my friends to get A pair because I just want to try it. Why don't you get it? Cuz such a waste of money I think oh

What dude it's four grand It's four grand. It's four grand? Oh. That's actually crazy. Dude, name one flippant 4K purchase. Actually, you can't. The knife.

What do you mean, the knife? The knife. The knife. Yeah. That's way, that's different. Wait, were you serious when you said that? Oh, boy. I actually was.

It's crazy. I thought it was a great setup. All your crypto. He believed it. All your crypto. Your NFC apartment. That wasn't 4K. I just said 4K.

That was why I made the point. 4K, 4K. One, the knife doesn't count because I sold the car for it. Why does that make it not count? Because it's not flipping. I had to think about it for months. Two, name one other thing besides the months. It's still. Two. Two. Name one other thing besides the CS life. The crypto.

That I've spent. No. How much have you spent on crypto? Wait, didn't you buy gloves? I. Fucking. A few. Did you buy gloves?

Okay, is it anything that isn't digital? Didn't you buy gloves? Shut up. Oh, God. Never mind. In your wardrobe. I don't think. This is.

I feel like this is dumb because this is, you're, we've named three, hold on, hold on. We've named three. You brought up the thing. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Hold on. I know I've dug myself a hole. We've named three things. Your three things are all things I can sell for money, for a lot of money. The APV, if you will.

Dude, as soon as you buy that, if you wait a year, it's going to be worth no money the ap the the apv if you will dude as soon as you buy that if you wait a year it's gonna be worth no money anymore for the apple vision pro that is a consumer product purchase that as soon as you buy it it's lost like most of its value we're on this idea that like we're everything is trying to touch the future right like tablets were the biggest thing and then everyone like smartphones popped off and like tablets gonna be the next thing and they kind of didn't and you're like crypto crypto it's like bro i i've made money you just said flippant purchase not a purchase that could sustain value okay that was the idea that was 4k i i look okay i feel like when i said what i meant i meant a consumer product purchase look there's three people in this room buying nobody would buy an iphone if they bought an Apple Vision Pro.

We can admit this. Am I the guy that they would? People would be like, damn, slime bought it? That would be confusing. But nobody would fucking bat an eye if Nick bought an Apple Vision Pro or if Aiden bought an Apple Vision Pro

or if I bought an Apple Vision Pro. I'm special. That is three guys. I'm special. Call me special. I shot 16K out of Jackie Chan's statue. You guys don't get to fucking weasel your way out like you don't spend a lot of money on shit.

You can't resell that for 16k. You cannot resell that for 16k. I'm just saying. I can say. You both said it's cringe to buy it. I'm not a knife that I can sell for almost the exact same amount of money I bought it. Look, I don't need the defense. You guys are both getting defensive here.

I'm just saying it wouldn't be a shock. I am defensive that I lumped in with this jimoker. Because you said it was cringe to buy it because it's so expensive. Yeah, I think it's a waste of money. But if I pay $4,000 or something that doesn't hold value at all, but I like it a lot, it's not a waste of money. Look, maybe this is cognitive. I don't like the product. I'll accept.

I'll accept the charge of cognitive dissonance. I'll accept it. But in my mind, these are totally different. Buying the Apple Vision Pro is like, I'm spending, I'm burning $4,000 to buy something that has no utility. To goon. It's a goon session. different buying the apple vision pro is like i'm spending i'm burning four thousand dollars to buy something that has no utility to goon it's a good it has nothing i can't i won't be able to resell it if i hang on to it for more than a fucking week trade it in for the next one

i've knocked a fucking brand off my fucking five thousand dollars Vision Pro 2. Back in the day, and this is, I don't think, this is like, maybe it's not a confirmed idea, but home video wasn't really a big deal. Like, Betamax and VHS, it wasn't a big deal

until people realized that they can buy porn. What is Betamax? Betamax was a home video format before VHS. Like Blu-ray? No, it was worse. It was like a step down.

It was on a big disc. Oh, like HD DVD? Yeah. And also the precursor of the rock climbing term beta. No. Because they would Betamax themselves filming? Because there was a rock climber who would record Betamax tapes of his routes and then give them to people to show them how he did them.

Dude, I thought it was called stick. So people say, show me the beta. Wow, that's so funny. That's the origin of that. That's crazy. And then he was murdered. What? What?

Yeah. This is like. I think by his wife or something. He's like the Elliot Smith of rock climbing. So anyway. That's Falco. The weapon. So porn has constantly been this driver for you put the glasses on sorry tell me about

porn dad porn has constantly been the driver for things to get really popular and and and fit and like usable as a technology to like make it blow up the same thing people think is with the internet right the internet you could just suddenly look up, for instance, Chinese guilts, right? That's what you're into. And then you look it up. And now the internet's this place where everyone's at because they were already showing up to look at boobo. So VHS, internet, PSP, and now Apple Vision Pro all made for porn. That's what I'm saying. So if Apple really wants this shit to take off,

then they're gonna start needing to realize, like, basically, is it better than watching porn normally? You can definitely watch porn on it. Well, you can, but the question is, is it better than just doing it like you normally would as a fucking human being in the 21st century?

Dude, walking around, like, fucking downtown Los Angeles and you've just got like eight more tabbed open. Like your whole periphery is just busty milfs. Dude, and you can see the see-through and you're just ordering food. Looking through the tits at the person. Like, I will

need more sauce. These chicken tenders just have giant tits. You're like, nice. This is the hot coffee mod for Casey Neistat's underground. But this is genuine. I'm genuinely saying this is the idea. If you ever want to bet on the future, and if you ever want to bet on technology,

ask yourself genuinely, will horny men be able to get off to it? So you're not a believer in the Apple Watch? No. I get that shit done. Hold on. Go through the photos app? If I'm allowed to wear my glasses,

I get that shit done. So I only rule. Well, they got photos on this thing. Can you show your shit up? Can I bind? Apple Watch with some photos? He knows. It's going to be tough. To make it happen?

You know, when I was donating sperm, if I had an Apple Watch, it would have helped. Get a vibrate function going. And now we're going to get your vibrate function going in the Patreon. So that's the end of the episode. We're going to strip your prostate. Your prostate, if you have one, will be going absolutely donkey kong mode. Absolutely dummy, dumb crazy.

It will be a Shrek Raven there it is what is that we'll have to find out find out in the swamp by giving us money on the big show

uh bye