The Yard - Ep. 14 - Ted Nivison Gets Revenge

Episode Date: October 6, 2021

IT'S TED TIME BABY! YouTuber and alleged milk man Ted Nivison joins the boys for their second guest episode of the show. Ted talks about his experience with being Down Bad, Slime creates a Jigsaw fart puzzle, and once again the boys complain about the shortcomings of Twitch streamers.

you know i was thinking about is how i i feel like i have i i'm into like elon musk type humor so what is the cringiest what does that? You're into it I'm replacing you with Ted today Yeah, we actually just have the Charizard version of you Right next to me You are Charmeleon No, it's like We like having me here I think you're a Char

He's a Charmander Good addition to the show Hey If your voice was a little bit higher You'd be the Charmander I'm just a hollow Nick You can use fly Hollow?

Yeah, I'm hollow They put me in family guy That's use fly. Hollow? Yeah, I'm hollow. They put me in family guy. That's kind of how it would sound, I think. Voice by... What is it, Steve McFarlane? What's up? Seth McFarlane. Is it Seth?

Steve McFarlane. It's Steve. We call him Steve. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to the yard. Hold on. Something smells like poop, and it's not me. What?

It's not me. Wow. I don't think the mic picked that up, but... That's a role reversal. Honestly, just throw in Archie a big fart so it was cool. I have never done that, by the way. I've never patted my farts. What's up, welcome to the yard.

We're here with the Charizard version of Nick, Ted Nifison, which I called you Ted- Nivision unironically like so many times to myself. As many do. And I heard that you hate that. I don't necessarily hate it. I think it's mostly because people online, they always read it that way. I think it's because they misread it as my name having like fucking the word vision in it. They think my name is a play on the word television.

I thought so too. That's what I thought. I am the normal audience. I'm one of them. No, I think that that is the majority of people. You're not enjoying what's going on over there? I think, keep it up. What happened?

It smells like poop. It's your own fart. You ripped your own fart. You're reaping the consequences of your own actions. Show me the goddamn proof. We literally have a video. We have video evidence of this. Look at this witch hunt going on here.

See what I have to deal with? Is this the one you're going to do? You're going to make an allied situation already? Hey, fellow streamer YouTuber. How's it going over there? Hey, what's up, fellow coattail rider? Nice. Yeah, we have no marketable skills.

You have no one, Aiden. You've got no one. He has the most followers. I have to play the game here, I mean. Just acquiesce. If you combine our three followers, we're close. No. We're not close.

No. Sorry, I cut you off. Your name is weird Yeah it's a little weird It's a little funky little fresh name Is it a family name? Have you had space online to air out your grievances About people calling you the wrong name all the time?

I mean I suppose I could go online and just start Screaming at people You got it right here That's what I'm kind of telling you Feel free to like Yeah because it's like your first time Like with a podcast platform It's true You've never been with a podcast platform, you know

First I'm on a comedy podcast Anyway, we try to guess nice here The relationship if you don't know Ted between oh you like that one in my cohorts is that I show up and they do everything else. Barely. I barely show up and they do everything else. Tell them, bro. They meaning mostly Nick. I got here. I had to drive an hour to get here and you were

still late and you live in this building. You're not wrong. I'm bringing this up because I think you deal with double this on a weekly basis, right? Oh, like the shit talking? Yeah, because you set up your pod. You're like the man behind it. And I imagine, is Schlatt like me?

How do you mean? Like, does he do literally nothing except for show up? He's a lazy person who just thinks he's actually above the world and wields the clout that he's gotten through these couple of years of some sort of gigantic broadsword that cannot be beaten. Even if you do feel this way about Schlatt, I wouldn't reply.

I've got a golden opportunity to just be like, just grow up all of my problems with Schlatt right now. Yeah, yeah. That's what we want. Guy's just a total piece of shit. I mean, as I've said this before, he's angry when he's sleeping, which is,'s just a total piece of shit. I've said this before. He's angry when he's sleeping. That's strike one.

Wait, hold on. He's angry when he's sleeping? Is that what you said? There was this one time that during the recording chuckle week, he was exhausted and he was sleeping one time and he just had this

scowl on his face as he was sleeping. He was just exhausted and he was sleeping one time and he just had this like scowl on his face as he was sleeping. Yeah. Like he was angry about the like and sleep is the best too. So if he's mad about that, then I mean. Sleep rage. I have this too. What is that? It's very common.

You're just enraged all the time. Do you have a dream where you're enraged? No, maybe they're happy dreams, but the rage is always there. I love Schlatt so much. He was one of the first people I met in streamer world where I was like, this guy rules. But the first time I like... Yeah, let's talk about the guy, how much you like the guy who's not on the podcast. That's what I was going to say.

No, he's great. Fred, we'll get back to you. So talking about Jay Schlatt. Fred Division. Fred Division. Fred Division. Fred Division. We'll get back to you

no it's like television when me and Aiden flew to Texas and we stayed with Schlatt he was the only person home when we got to the house and we had these like assortment of weird

things that like introduced us to like his environment so we walk up and there's like a Mario toy like sitting like a tiny tiny Mario toy sitting on the front doorstep

it's just sitting on the step it's so small it's the first thing we see and It's the first thing we see. And it's the first thing we see. Schlatt then proceeds to not answer the door for an hour. And we sit at his doorstep for a full hour. We're sitting outside, like, in this nice, you know,

in this nice Texas neighborhood, just, like, awkwardly making eye contact with the children that are playing in the street. Which you should never do. Yeah. It should never be awkward. And Aiden keeps going hey Being adult don't make eye contact with the children I know but after an hour you just get around

Yeah, the rules one hour no eye contact after that yeah, it's fair It's a buffet and then yeah, he finally gets back to you finally gets back to me He goes sorry very drunk. Be there in a second. And he comes to the door, and he is very drunk. And he opens it, and he's like, hey, what's up, guys? And we're like, hey, what's up, man? He hugs us and welcomes us in, and we go inside on the couch,

and he instantly goes, hey, do you guys want to watch Spongebob with me? And I'm like, yeah, I mean, that sounds great. Either that or iCarly. Yes, we also watched a lot of iCarly and we just sat down and we just zoned out watching Spongebob and iCarly for like three hours are you kidding me

when we got to Austin the first time there was nothing in between those things here's the thing you gotta understand about Schlatt he is a guy that likes to chill yeah I love that and I think that there's people who are the chillers of the world, and then there's the goer, go-go-go

people of the world. And, you know. I know those people. What are you? The go-go-go people. Yeah, where do you lie? Which camp? I think I find myself to be a happy medium. Maybe a chill but go-go. I don't think that's true at all. You cannot open this with medium, maybe a chill but go-go.

I don't think that's true at all. You cannot open this with there are either chillers or go-goers. Yeah, you said I. And then be like, but I am the obsession. But me, Thanos, wields both. Well, riddle me this. It's a spectrum. Riddle me this. I'm special.

Not a riddle. No, no, no, no, no, no. You're just tall. I'm in the middle of the set. You're just tall and American. That's why you think that. I'm in between two sides. I'm in the middle of the set. You're just tall and American. That's why you think that. I'm in between two sides. I'm in the middle here.

I would say I'm a chiller. We're going to crop out. This actually does break down. Are we the go, go, go people and you're the chill people? I think I might be a chiller. I definitely am a chiller. Guys, nobody is a chiller. He's a go, go, goer.

Are you fucking kidding me? You're smoking weed. Wow. I literally don't want to do anything ever at all. Okay, so let's go down the line here. I'm a turtle, Ted. And by the court of public opinion, we'll determine which is which. So Aiden, what's Aiden?

Go, go, go. He's a go-go-goer. He's a normie. Go, go, go. Ultimately a normie. He's our Pokemon that we cast normie onto people when they're talking to us. And we're like, oh, this is a small talk. Aiden, go.

And then he goes, hi, have you heard about the global economic crisis? And then they have a conversation for an hour. He's really interesting. He's like an NPC in Pokemon 2 who just walks up to people and the exclamation mark goes above his head. Hi! Hey! How's it going? I made it! It's nice to meet you. What's your name? Get to the cloud district often. I think I'm a

chiller. You're a chiller. Yeah. I think that's a lot of YouTuber streamers. They're chillers because then they're just like on stream. You have to chill off stream. You're a weed guy too. You're a chiller. Yeah. I think that's a lot of YouTuber streamers. They're chillers. Because then they're just like on stream. You have to chill off stream. Otherwise. You're a weed guy too. Your life is psychopathic. Me?

I'm a weed guy. Yeah, you're a weed guy. You're the most weed guy in the house. You are the most weed guy in the house. Talking about Bob Marley. Two people are literally straight edge. Yeah. I'm sorry.

You're helping our argument. So you're the alcoholic in the house. You drink more than I do as well. You definitely do. You drink 100%. I only drink once a week with mangoes. And that's more than he does in a year. And that's more than I drink.

And that's for work, not pleasure. I'm getting drunk at work. Where do you exist? You have to pick one. You cannot exist in the middle. Where do you lean? Okay. I think that I'm at heart a go-go-goer.

I think that maybe the pandemic has kind heart a go-go-goer um i think that maybe the the pandemic has kind of pulled down my go-go but uh and just sucked the life right out of it but i'll admit i do have my my chill moments sick and tired of people scapegoating the pandemic it is weak of you to do these difficult times i've become a chiller well if for instance one of my chiller things was today i didn't do a dang thing, but I've gotten into a special. You know how sometimes you just have a thing you do for like a week straight? Beat off, yeah. Yeah.

Okay. I'm currently in the process of doing the Skyrim run of sorts. Right. Yeah. It's the alchemy, hyper focus, good good time only alchemy speed run is this for content what the are you talking about okay i'm a go go goer then i'm not associated with the alchemy guy what is this what do you do in this run um so i don't know how it started but i got skyrim on my ps5 and i decided that the only thing that I wanted to do was

just get really good at alchemy in Skyrim so I've just been going around picking up hours and finding toads. Dude you can play Minecraft. What the fuck is wrong with you? How many hours in do you have? Wait Schlatt actually did this you actually do this. I thought

I was a cartoon character but this is weird. I'm out of my element right now. Well, this would be normally like a 9 to 5 in one minute. When I realized that I had to drive the good ways to get here, I was in the middle of that run. I was just looking for blue and red mountain flowers. Sure.

No, yeah. How many hours in are you? I've done this for at least like six or eight hours of just doing alchemy. It's not really a speed run, then. Or is it? Well, it takes a while. It's just a run. It's not a speed run.

It's a run. Like a no-death run or something. I'm going to don you a chiller. I went to his place recently. It's very put together. More than I thought it would be from being a YouTuber. He's a girlfriend. He's got an alcohol bar set up.

The whole house is furnished. Do you live with your girlfriend? No, but she's over there often. If she wasn't around, would you just be in a rat pile of rats? I go through phases of the rat pile. I have to

shoo them away sometimes. Well, you can eat them too or befriend them. It's all up to you. I'm mostly good at keeping everything in line except for the one thing I just cannot fucking do is laundry. And it just turns into a mountain of shame. Couldn't be me. Yeah? Ludwig had to hire a service to do his laundry for him.

And I'm bad at laundry too. That's true. I've been thinking about that. But like at the same time, it's kind of fire. Hey, let me tell you, you still got to put the clothes away. But you don't. You make her do it. No, they sit.

They just sit. You guys both say fuck it. All right, let me break. I didn't do my homework. Ted, I don't know anything about you besides like when I've interacted with you I know you're a chiller you know that he's chills and I know that you probably do mescaline while playing Skyrim because otherwise that is sounds pretty cool makes sense to do the alchemy what where do you who are you get off are you mescaline what are you doing what am I doing uh oh and well damn

that's such a fucking broad question my question is where are you from because What am I doing? Don't do the Owen Wilson. Damn, that's such a fucking broad question. My question is, where are you from? Because I don't know. Okay. How old are you? All right. Are you white? Fair.

Is that like, because I don't know. You really don't know? I don't know. Maybe he's not. Look at me right now and audio listeners, listen to my voice. He looks like a 1960s white husband. He could be Italian. I'm wearing blue wash jeans right now.

He looks like what a DCOM considers a middle schooler. They cast him for someone who's 13. He's like, hey, it's me. In 10 years, I'll be able to upgrade to high school. So I'm 23. Dude, what the fuck? Yikes. You're 23?

You didn't know I was 23? No. You guys are all... You didn't know that? I just learned. I've probably seen you more than anyone in this room, and you didn't know how old I was? Bad friend. I've been saying this.

Bad friend. I love to hear you. So you knew? Hey, Nick, always a bad friend. Doesn't even know how old I am. 26. Birthday? That's what I'm saying, man.

June? Can't remember July. Damn, bro. March? Anyway, you're 23. Are you white? I am white. Okay.

Noted. And you're from New England. People G. Where in New England? I'm from Massachusetts. That's right. I thought you were from New York. You got the draw.

It's because I went to college in New York. We were at Nobu's, a bunch of streamers. Dude, that picture was so funny. Which one? The one where he's alone. Yeah, no, because it was really confusing on that fucking group chat on when people were getting there. It was like 9 be there. I was like, okay, I'll be there.

I get there at 9. I walk in. I'm like, hey, this is the party i'm here with and they walk me in just an empty room and the and like the fucking king's table is right there there's like fucking 40 seats and i'm like i am early by a lot you are they show up an hour late so whatever time they say you can show up earlier actually early i'm on time okay so you're streaming it said show up an hour late, so whatever time they say you can show up an hour late. Are you a streamer early or actually early? He's on time. Okay, so you're a streamer early. It said show up at nine.

He got there at nine. No. And you were alone? Jesus Christ. They all have brain rot. They literally all of them. You people are the fucking worst. I hate you.

Do you think this is exclusive to streamers? Yes. No, it's not. No, here's the thing. Streamers have no excuse. They live as their own personal little celebrities god damn you aren't you a streamer

no I'm not he's a guy with a twitch account and sometimes it goes live I'm not part of the cabal of your ilk but you seem much more chill and you show up on time he respects you so much for chill. And you show up on time. You show up on time. He respects you so much for that.

You have no idea. I was... God, you look like you haven't... He's about to have a breakdown right now. By the way, to say... Can you hold me? At that party, I walked around, and there was pockets of conversations,

and I walked by, or I was in the conversation, and Ted goes like, yeah, I'm from this town in Mass. It's actually where Jaws was filmed. So you said something like that. Some fun fact about your town. No, no. The town I grew up in was where Steve Carell grew up.

That's the one. Yeah. That is way different, by the way. Well, it's like one of the only fun facts. There's like two fun facts about the town that I grew up. Steve Carell grew up there and the first officer to die in the Revolutionary War was from there. That's hard. What's his name? Steve Carell grew up there, and the first officer to die in the Revolutionary War was from there. That's hard. What's his name?

Steve Carell. Weirdly enough, also. He was his great-great-great-granddaddy. Isaac Sum. His name was The Office. Fair enough. Anyway, sorry. You're from Mass, and you're a YouTuber.

Would you classify yourself as a YouTuber? I would probably classify myself as a YouTuber, yeah. That's the, what do you call it? Yeah, I'm a bit of a YouTuber. The Talbert you would put YouTuber. Would you classify yourself as a YouTuber? I would probably classify myself as a YouTuber, yeah. That's the... I'm a bit of a YouTuber. The Talbert you would put on. Final question. This is a big one because the room is split into these two halves.

The world is go-getters. I thought you were going to ask about Bernie Sanders' pussy. Go-goers and chillers. I thought for sure you were going to ask about Bernie Sanders' pussy. No, we'll ask him that later. The go-goers and chillers? I thought for sure you were going to ask about Bernie Sanders' pussy. No, no, we'll ask him that later. The go-goers and chillers of the world can also be separated into a similar category, which is cut and uncut penises of the world. Are you an uncut gem?

Like, do it, like. Is your penis circumcised or is it as God intended it to be? I am circumcised. Let's go! Did you think God intended circumcision? He said the opposite. No, I said the opposite. I would argue that the wiener looks a little bit

more classy. Thank you. Thank you, Ted. I wouldn't say that. I think it's got some class to it. I suppose it depends on what the general... I've surveyed. I find it cool that Ted's a racist. Personally. Your shit looks like a raincoat all the time.

Ain't nothing wrong with that. Yes, there is. It's snug. Because you know what? It's hot down here. It rains a lot around the world, and I'm ready for it. It looks like a demon worm from an alien movie. If we count all guests, it's still 50-50.

Oh, yeah, that's true. That's true. Stavros. Stavros in our favor. Wait, Zip. What we work with. What Zipper show us is junk. Zipper can put it up on the screen.

Open the door in 4K real quick. So let me get back to it. YouTuber. Yes, you know where I'm from. You know how old I am. You know that I'm circumcised. Yeah. Discovered the golden trio. This is your college outfit. I really feel like I've got it all down. My inquiry is over. You're in size. Discovered the golden trio. He's your college outpouring.

I really feel like I've got it all down. My inquiry is over. You're in the club. That's all of my immutable qualities. He also went to film school, which I found to be one of the more interesting things about you we met. If you ever met a film student, you would know that's not interesting. But I thought it was interesting that he was.

It's more interesting that he's white. That is more interesting. How was film school? You went to NYU? True. You went to NYU or you go to a different school? No, I went to Ithaca College. Oh, shit.

That's in Road Trip. That's the college in Road Trip. Another fun fact you can add. With Tom Green and I'm so old. You're aging yourself right now. Fuck. Yeah. Zipper is freaking out right now.

You used to make green people. I can't wait for the five-minute segment on Slime Old again. All now. Fuck. Yeah. Zipper is freaking out right now. You used to make green people. I can't wait for the five-minute segment on slime old again. All right. I get it. I get there. A guy at Low Tide City, it was a smash event that we just went to. I mean, not Aiden because Aiden bailed. Crazy.

Came up to me and was like. He's not a goer. I mean, it's not a big surprise. I get the bail. A guy came up to me and he was like, you're Nick. And I was like, yeah. He goes, slime's old. And then he left. No fucking way. And he A guy came up to me and he was like, you're Nick. And I was like, yeah. He goes, slime's old. And then he left.

No fucking way. And he walked away from me. What did he look like? What did he look like? You know what's crazy? Tell me what he fucking looked like. You know what's crazy? I erased him.

Yeah? It was such a negative experience. I looked back at the group I was with and everyone was audio listeners, I'm sorry, making this face. Oh. And I look back and they're like, that sucks. If you want to have a good relationship with your audio listeners, you've got to describe

the face that you make. I don't remember. Okay, I'll describe it. I think he had a ponytail. It's the meme of the girl speaking knives at somebody and the guy getting stabbed but the knives are cringe faces and the guy is the guy and the girl are cringe faces and the guy is the guy and the girl is the whole group.

Yeah. You're welcome. 15 people follow that. No. I'm just saying so he feels good. Dude, did anyone in this room understand that? I like this guy. Have you had a chance?

Because like so, I mean so much of the past, like basically two years has been during COVID. So have you had a chance to go to a big event where you're getting like stopped and recognized every like few feet um I went to a Glass Animals concert recently and I and I put it on my story and then the I guess people who were also at the concert knew I was there so I got stopped a few times like on the

way out but um I mean since I was part of a group before COVID so like when I went to like TwitchCon and VidCon and stuff, I was around people, so they knew me by association with those creators. But other than that, no, I'm interested to see what it'll be like since most of my growth has happened during COVID, what it'll be like when I go to a convention or something because I have no idea what that's going to look like.

What happened to the group? Oh, thanks. I'm talking about Lunch Club. I don't get it. I'm so out of it. What's the joke? Because Carson led the group. Oh, no. Oh, shit.

It kind of ended. It's like not happening anymore. Yeah. It was just scheduling conflicts. Actually, nothing to do with that. It was totally scheduling. So you just blew up and now now you're like the mans. What was your first pop? You know what I'm saying.

Put it there. Nice. Dude, you know what it is? I think. I'll speak some sad history. It's a video of him talking about how he got really fucking high by accident. I've noticed that you have a particular, I think there's been two or three separate times

that you've talked to me about this video in particular, and you seem to have a very high focus on this video. I like the video. It's also your most viewed, right? Yeah, it is. Yeah, Mudwigs the numbers guy. I think as the numbers guy, this is my theory. You looked at that, and you've been pining over that video.

You were like, how did he get so many views for such how did it get but I will let you know this right now it's gonna make you feel a little bit better yeah because recently last month September beginning of September after a year of having that video being fully monetized YouTube caught me dude we just got iced out on our video. I'll open that up. Our edibles video got demonetized. Yeah. So I wonder if something just happened to me. We had an episode of the podcast. We didn't even do edibles on it.

We just talked about having done them before it, and they got demonetized last week. Oh, really? Not the one where they took it? Well, no, but they took it, but not on the show. Right, right. Oh, I see what you're saying. I'll be honest, though. I originally was – I remember when I released that video, I was like, you know, I tried

to make the title as not relating to weed as possible because, like, the closest thing is, like, edible and maybe the milligrams and 400 milligram. But I was pretty sure that it was, like, YouTube was going to catch on and this was going to be a limited video. So I was, you know, I'm pretty happy that it survived for more than a year. I mean, that's amazing. If you can make it that long. Yeah.

We lasted about three weeks or whatever it was. Maybe they had a weed guy at YouTube. They hired a dude who wears the Bob Marley color hat. Keeps up with the slang. And he's just like, don't worry, I'll get him, boys. He's got a joint in his mouth and he's just typing. When they say just edible like this, it's actually not like a normal food or something like that.

Susan is just peepo-geeing. I'm glad. Will you cancel Finsta? Oh my god. That clip is insane. You guys see that? Oh yeah. We can talk about that. That's pretty fun. I can't believe he doubles down. If you guys don't know, there's like a boomer

senator who asks the head of Facebook, or no, I think it was Instagram. Like, hey, what are you going to do to stop Finstas? And she's like, sir, that's actually not a feature. It's just kids making a private account. And he's like, so you're not doing anything to like, how are you going to stop Finstas? Which is now I think he should cancel the Finsta. Yeah, you refuse to cancel the Finsta.

My only, let me defend this man for one second. Why? Why? I think she explains it. Why? And let me also ask. That's your guy. Well, before you say that.

I actually think she explains it really poorly. And say what you will about Hitler, but, you know. It's you and Mr. Blumenthal. The Finsta guy and Hitler. You're on the podcast equating Finsta guy and Hitler. But before you go into this, let me ask you this follow-up question. What right do you have to defend this person? That's a and Mr. Blumenthal. The Finsta guy in Hitler. You're on the podcast equating Finsta guy in Hitler. Before you go into this, let me ask you this follow-up question. What right do you have to defend this person? That's a good question.

True. Because he was born to live free or die in the death state of dying. Do you have a Finsta? He's live free or die. He's in mass. Mass is like fucking- Mass is like, hey, we've got math and MIT. Hey, we got some ivy leagues

yeah we're mark walbert beat a man almost to death he's blind now oh yeah i would hey i'm mark walbert i just had a deja vu moment i brought it up at so we were it was me ted and tina who's a streamer wildly like successful streamer and and ted brought up that he lived in mass and i was like oh yeah mark walbert's from mass and she's like who's that and i brought up that he lived in Mass and I was like, oh yeah, Mark Wahlberg's from Mass. And she's like, who's that? And I'm like, oh, he's in movies. He beat a man until he was blind in a racist act. And she's like, oh.

Total vibe killer. To your benefit though, I thought that was very interesting. I thought it was interesting. I thought that I was hyping up the fun fact in that moment. And Ted was like, he's in the movie Ted. She's like, I don't know that one. I was on that Hollywood tour with Cutie like a month ago.

And we're like driving through the Hollywood Hills. And they're telling you where like different people have lived over time. And the driver gets around to mentioning Mark Wahlberg. Oh, you went on the Hollywood tour. Yeah. yeah and it was uh because she had a she had a free ticket i'm like yeah let's let's go do it and go go where i and that's you know i'm a go i would never do that i go get things and he mentioned him and i was like holy shit that's where they filmed 2 30 a.m crew which is this like crazy instagram story he did and then i was like to the driver i was like basically like leaning over because i was sitting behind him like

do you know do you know that he has not one but two racially motivated felonies and he was like oh no the driver turns around and it's tina and she's like i don't know why this is happening it's an interesting thing because I feel like we would, that would be a bigger thing than it is. I think it's just the amount of time that it happened to go. Why is nobody talking? Sweep it under, bro. Oh, was it really long ago? Because it happened in like the 80s. It was before he was Marky Mark

and the Pokemon. Oh, you made it, okay. It didn't happen like the other day. Yeah, you made it sound like this happened in like 2018. Dude, if it happened in 2018, you would know about it. Racism was still in the game. They didn't patch out racist meetings yet. They also just didn't have the internet. I feel like it just wouldn't have circulated in the same way.

Boston is pretty racist. Boston is notably racist. It's funny how racist they are for how blue they are. I was just in Boston. It is racist. Like you're reporting back? You know from personal experience. You showed up there.

You're live in Boston, still very racist. We're talking to Tom now. I was at the Pats game, right? It was the Pats-Buccaneers game. It was Tom Brady's return to Foxborough. Wait, Tom Brady is on the Buccaneers

watching his Pats cohorts who he used to see their penises, cocks, and balls in the shower, kiss all their sons. He knew the exact ratio of circumcised to uncircumcised. That's right. I don't think he knows football.

And now he's fighting against them. He knows about football, Ludwig. Don't be a prick. He knows about football. Yes, Tom Brady returned to New England and it was a fucking amazing game, but a couple rows behind me because it's like sheer

one Tom Brady's on the field and the Bucks are in the field to like rattle them I just just hard tease no no way yeah hey Tom you and they're just yeah oh yeah with just a thick Boston accent yeah I was at a friend's house

before and and it was like it was like a friend of a friend and uh and then the friend of a friend's like parents came over like his stepdad was there and uh and he was like throwing out weird right wing feelers because we were all sitting around he's like we're watching the red zone on the tv waiting to go to the game and he goes man you know fucking you know all these guys got covid none of them died huh and that was like first one. And I was like, oh.

And he's like, yeah, you know, I just feel like the fucking vaccine's a bit of a, you know, it's a bit of a quack fest. He's like just throwing them out. And then eventually he's like, what are you doing January 6th, huh? He's just escalating. And I'm like, damn. Biden's gay, right? Yeah.

Right? But actually, and I'm sitting there and I'm like, bro, I'm drinking. I'm just trying to watch football with my boys. Wait, is this guy like one of your aged group friends? No. He's like an older person. It's like, it's my friend's roommate's stepdad. Oh, okay.

Why is he there? Is he on the couch sleeping? Because they went to visit. They just moved in. Okay. So they went to like housewarming gifts. Yeah. So he was just like, I think immigrants shouldn't be voters.

Yeah. And you're like, yeah, pass me a beer. That's a good point, though, too. Am I doing it right? I really enjoy the way that people do Boston accents, too, when they're actually doing it. Because like when you did it right then it's it there's so much that just isn't part of the Boston accent but it reflects in where you're just like oh you know I went down to the shop today is that good or bad what you just did no

it's terrible someone in the new it's a caricature of it here's Lime's Ludwig which is my Ludwig is go you wanna hear my Ludwig? All right. All right, here we go. So the bit is like I'm skydiving, and I'm addressing my YouTube audience, right? Oh, I could do that easily. Well, let me see yours, actually. Boys, today we went skydiving. Oh, shit.

And you'll never believe, boys, you'll never believe what happened. I got on the plane. And I didn't want to go off. I didn't want to go out. Oh, my God. He's so good. But the motherfucker on the plane pushed me off the plane.

It's a lie. This is what you sound like. This is what you sound like. This is engaging. I'm engaged. It's engaging. I'm engaged. Yeah, yeah you want to click you want to stop I would click and subscribe right now because it's so fucking engaging fire all right now sluggy all right here's my hey pretty good check this out Stop! Let's go on a trip! I haven't been on a trip before!

So I said, nah, I'm gonna get on the plane and... Right? That's pretty good. It's the same as yours. There's like a devolution of this across episodes and it's gotten progressively more distorted.

You sounded like with you sounded like like somebody's like uncle that was really really angry And he has like a peanut allergy and he's like he's approaching like the peak of like yeah closing up Impression I mean it's all in like I know but what's the Donald Duck impression. What? I mean, it's all in like... I know, but what's the...

You look like you're riding a horse. That's what he does, dude! Riding a horse, yeah. Why are you riding a horse right now? That's what he does because he gets all bouncy and shit. So I'm there on the plane. There it is. It's like I'm watching the video again.

It's like I'm juggling. Are you talking about the gesticulating that he does? You mean the... It's more the... I can't explain it What all I know is it fills me with rage cuz he's not like that in any other way in his life ever well part part of that impression I learned from Nick because one of the most important things after the voice is the today

It's me. What did you do? What was this conversation? Oh, we are privately talking shit about you No, I was I was just doing a lot of impression of you to make fun of you it's the what did you what was this conversation we were privately talking shit about you no we weren't I was just doing an impression of you to make fun of you dude everyone does that I went back to this game

I bought tickets it's all my high school friends first time we've met up in a while and they were doing the same fucking thing I love that

you have such a unique cadence though when you're doing when you're streaming so I think it was coming up when we're in that context. No, it comes up a decent amount, I guess, because I went to the liquor store, just me.

And they're all in the car. And I come back after buying liquor for all of them, and they're all laughing their ass off. I'm like, what? And they're like, nothing. I was like, what? And we were just laughing, thinking you were going live in the store. You're like, boys, here I am at the liquor store. Yeah.

Getting some booze. Theats games here i'm like fuck you guys buy you this beautiful liquor bottles yeah i'm so glad your your high school friends roasted you yeah that's great to hear that well of course i would it'd be cringe if over like the three years you know that i was hanging out more often they became like yes men who were like i mean it's really fun to to copy it i'll be honest i mean oh you did a great job it's pretty straightforward too i mean the one of the first times i watched like in length one of your stories was when i had i someone told me that you had told the story about how my girlfriend absolutely obliterated you in the in the uh oh yeah beer pong which is oh do you get crossed up his girlfriend is a chad and

he is a beta this has come up on every podcast like we're gonna fit on together which is fun yeah no she's she's a beast she's a beast on the field but you got the fuck you got just mixed up on the she was so wet she hit like three final cups in a row like just last why you gotta say my girlfriend was a little bit trepidatious because I do a lot for you guys all right I fucking quite literally died on camera for you guys for For this podcast. What is a term you use? Yeah, but no, no, no. You should use a different word.

No, explain what you meant. Explain what you meant. Because I have, even in the most generous of terms, like I had no clue what you meant. When your shot is wet. Splash. Dude, I have never heard that in my life.

Wait, you've never heard splash? It's because you're a fucking nerd. Wait, hold on, hold on. I still think what he said is weird as shit, but you've never heard splash? Yeah. That's crazy. I've never heard wet. If's because you're a fucking nerd. Wait, hold on. Hold on. I still think what he said is weird as shit, but you've never heard splash? Yeah. That's crazy. I've never heard wet.

If I said Ted's shot was wet, no one would have batted an eye. No shit. That's what makes sense. Don't just mime jerking off like this isn't a reasonable request. Okay. How about this? So for women, just to avoid any confusion, for women, you say that their shot was cummy, and then for men, you say that their shot was wet.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. And that's the key. So his girlfriend- So say that their shot was cummy, and then for men, you say that their shot was wet. Yeah, right, yeah. And that's the key. So Shay's shot was cummy. Yeah, yeah. His girlfriend spermed all over him. Her shot was rock, okay. That's not what I was... Right, that's what he was saying.

What's wrong with Ludwig? What's wrong with what he just said? That's right. I'm going to make the last cup come. Here we go. I'm going to climax with this shot. Okay, all right. She was very good at the sport, Smiley Face.

Nice, better than you. Yeah, way better. And I went to ASU. I thought I had some decent, prepared. That's true. I mean, Ted sucked. That's true, Ted. Terrible.

Look, I know he's trying to put heat on you, but tell me the story. In introducing this story, I knew that Ludwig would waste no time in clarifying that I was very bad at this game of cup pong while also pretending to throw up. Threw up a goose egg. I am not very good at cup pong. And I, even to the extent that when... He calls it

cup pong. That's like the kid's bop version. I'm thinking of it in terms of the iPhone game, because when Shay and I first started dating, one of the things that we would do a lot was when we'd play the cup bomb. She warms up on her phone. No, but like she maybe out of 40

games that we played, she has won 35 of them. So she's just a gamer. Just that specific context of that game The two versions of the game require such a different skill set. I know. Which is why it's confusing. Is this why you're relegated to just being the alchemy guy In Skyrim

Cause you're just like I can't fucking I can't beat my girlfriend I've also heard that their record in Smash is pretty Weighted towards who She beats me A lot in Smash She's a gamer and Ted's not a gamer. You're relegated to single player games.

I'm better than her like pretty much every other game we play, but we played Smash so much. Well, except Cup Bong. That she has, it's one of those things where we first started playing and I was kicking her ass

to a certain point where we were playing for a couple hours and then she wouldn't want to play anymore because I was kicking her ass so bad and it was really, it was awesome Uh-huh, but then I you know I was made the mistake of starting to teach her how to get better And then now it's sort of like eclipsed the skill has eclipsed, and I'm just sweating all the time now wins in Guitar Hero

If you go against each other right now, what were you living in 2008 who's playing guitar? Yeah, old bitch Everyone hates how old you are when you talk. I misspoke. I'm in Fortnite. I'm sorry. Fuck you. At least I can grow a beard. Goldfish? No. Alright, fine.

I realize now we're on a podcast, so I probably shouldn't be chewing on it. No, no, please. They love that. They love that shit. It's their favorite thing when you chew goldfish. Yeah. Sorry. Just to close out that story about the cup pong for people who haven't,

who could for some reason don't watch Ludwig's stream, haven't seen the Chuckle Sandwich episode of Ludwig, I mean, because this is pretty much the Ludwig show. I'm sorry, you guys. I'm joking. No, elaborate on that. It's okay. I'm joking. All right. No, elaborate on that. It's okay. No.

Hey, he's right. But as the third most followed person. This is our world now. What episode are we on? 13? Shit. Zipper said no, it is 14. But no one else knew either.

No, I looked at him because I thought it was 13. Oh, I did this to you because I thought you knew that. I knew what episode it fucking was. I thought it was 13. I outlawed them. Yeah. It's 14. Basically,

Shay would almost entirely with the help of Shay he and I beat Bloodwick and versus Daniel Thrasher in that Game of Cup. Yeah.

Daniel Thrasher. Yeah. Who's that? YouTuber. Oh, the bigger than you guys? Yeah. He does like skits of like

like skits and then they're also, a lot of them are music-based. Are they funny? Oh, wait. Yeah, yeah. I think we watched it. Connor showed us some of this when we stayed at Schlatz. I think it's that guy. Do you remember?

Wait, what's his channel name? Daniel Thrasher. He's a piano guy. No, not him. No, it's the guy who makes, like, his whole thing is green screen shit. Oh, that's the... What's his name? I can't think of it. Yoga Ball Guy? No, no, no guy who makes like his whole thing is green screen shit. Oh, that's the What's his name? I can't think of a yoga ball guy. No, no, no He makes music he makes music and it's all like kind of not parody of anything

But it's like comedic and he's on the ball guy Seth Everman. No, no, no, no my theory Seth Everman uses the tattoo head stuff that he's a balding guy who says that he shaves voluntarily, but he uses the tattooed thing on his head. Wait, explain this. So there's a thing you can do as bald people. There's bald tech, right? You can get tattoos on your head of hair follicles to make it look like you voluntarily shave your head.

Every person balding has looked into this. I don't do it. I just shave. Have you thought about it? Seth Everman says. Sorry, Value Select is his name. Seth Everman says that he voluntarily shaves, but I, as a fellow bald, theorize that he actually uses that method

and lies to his fan base because he started off on Tumblr and bald people do not belong on Tumblr. Have you thought about getting a tattoo? The story is oldest time. I've thought about it, yeah. Is it reversible? It's actually not your dermal layer. It'll go away.

Get a tight line. I don't even know what the word dermal layer is. That's how not bald you are. That's where tattoos go under. Here's a question I'm curious about. How hard has it been for you to be bald? It seems really hard. Finally someone... Well, here's a question I'm curious about. How hard has it been for you to be bald?

Oh, my God. It seems really hard. Finally, someone. Don't platform him. Someone asks me. I'm done with this episode. My feelings. Did you ever watch that one? It fucking sucks.

You ever know the YouTuber Nice Peter? He was part of Epic Rap Battles history. Yeah. There's this song that he wrote when he was. I know. In a similar situation to you. And it's basically this song talking about how he's going bald. And it's just a song about how he's getting his head shaved as it's going on.

Okay. And he's like, if it's balding, I am. It's a bald guy I'm going to be. And did he, like, survive that career-wise? That's a no. I mean, let me just ask you this question. How many people are talking about, oh, there it is right there. Oh, wow.

Okay. Dude, if you, like, added camera shake to this and made it black and white, this is like a Sum 41 music video. To be clear, he did survive that because Epic Rap Battles of History is mostly after that, but Epic Rap Battles of History is kind of the funk now. All right, Mr. Historian. Well, it's just like, it's not like that happened, then he failed. He was wildly successful right after.

Okay, let me give you guys a little bald history. So you know that big viral video? It's not like the civil rights movement. Hey, Eamon, this is my time. When did you guys get to vote? It's damn close. There's going to be a Fortnite monument of bald slime and the museum of hair loss in the game.

A flag, and then there's just like the top crest of a head with a shining little star. It's just not Rushmore, but it's slime when he's 5, 10, 15, and 20. The Mount Rushmore bald men. Listen, you cocksuckers, all right? A timeline of sadness. You know that viral video of Steve from Blue's Clues being like, hey, guys, he's wearing a fucking hat. You know why Steve quit Blue's Clues? Because he was going bald. Balding. Okay, that's a thing, and he's wearing a fucking hat. Yeah. You know why Steve quit Blue's Clues? Because he was going bald.

Bald. Okay, that's a thing. And he's bald now. Another. He was going to college. Children cannot relate to bald people. Love of your mother and I have something to tell you.

What? Another thing. We've been watching a lot of Disney Channel World Girl movies, obviously. And in the Disney Channel universe, bald people are often seen as the enemy. They are adults and they are bad.

They're always bad. So the one we watched this week, so week so every lot of neo-nazis that are bald okay that is also true but we're trying to take it back and they feature a lot of them in dcoms funnily enough yeah walt disney was very forward about that it was in disney walt disney's will yeah he wanted it uh that the movie we watched this week it was one of the most insane movies i think i've ever seen it's called pixel perfect and in the build-up i think i saw danny yeah i've seen that video about that yeah he did he did and in the build-up of the of the movie we're like talking talking over it and slime's like yeah so usually in these the bald guys like he turns out to be the bad guy yeah i was educating

amen and and i'm like oh okay i'll be on the i'll be on the lookout for that so sure enough about halfway through the movie like this guy who is bald who also happens to be bald who gives off the air of being the bad guy in the movie it's like oh this is this is him this is it but there's a there's a plot twist at the end and he turns out to be on the main character's side and this was like a big deal because this is uh this is very against all other d-court taking bald back well you know what's funny about that though is that the fact the fact that that was a twist the fact that like you that they knew that they made a conscious choice of taking the bald guy and knew the audience would be like oh that guy's a piece of shit. He has zero good intentions.

Literally talked more about bald people's suffering. Oh, do you feel left out? No. For once, you're left out. Ludwig, oh, big one million follower. You're left out now. This is our time. This is what we like to call keratin privilege.

This is more than any minority group or women in the 14 episodes of this podcast. That's not true. I think it is. No, it will be true in like two more minutes. And you know what? You know what? If you want to watch Pixel Perfect with us and listen to the commentary, go ahead and join the Patreon.

Unless you're bald. No, no. Join if you're bald. It's like a talk. I'll start a bald channel in the Discord. If you are bald, you're only allowed to enter Tier 2 and above. You get the bald pass in the Discord? Yeah, you have to post bald.

You have to submit. You have to submit a bald. You have to do the old 4chan post-it note check with your bald head. Date time. And then you get in the channel. Real question, real question. Do you accept people who are voluntarily bald? Yes.

You have to. Dude, that's like people who wear non-prescription glasses. No, no, no. Go fuck yourself. Listen, it's okay if you're consistent my culture is not your progress costin is fine you know what i'm saying you have to you can't just do it for a fad okay question now clarifying question are you like are you actually bald or did you just give up i gave up you're that you know what that a good question. So if you were to stop shaving for six months, what would it look like?

It would be really thin on top. It just doesn't grow a lot. And then the sides would grow like crazy. And it looks really terrible. Did you ever consider getting something like a toupee? No, I never did. Ever, ever. You're pretty advanced.

I was always like, you know what? That's where I draw the line. I don't want fake hair. Dude, you should. That's where I draw the line. I don't want fake hair. Dude, you should. That's where you say, you should go, nay. I didn't say that because it's a pun and I don't like them.

We're going to cut that part out and we're going to put it in Chuckle Sandwich. I'm used to making puns so much because I usually have Charlie on the podcast. He's the pun. Charlie does love puns. He loves them. And the thing is about Charlie

he is so quick he's out of anyone I know he's probably like one of the people that I would consider to have the fastest comedy of anyone I know

like he can just he can just yeah I think oh is he bald no he's not bald no he's not bald he runs puns

but he's from New Hampshire that's like a triple strike also like a stop he's already out you gave him I think I think one of my favorite things He's from New Hampshire. That's like a triple strike. Also like a triple hit. Stop, stop. He's already out. You gave him up. I think one of my favorite things about Chuckle Sandwich specifically is all three of you have these insanely unique voices. I feel like none of us have unique voices, but you three all have very unique voices.

Thank you. You are kind of like this beautiful statue of a person. Do you have a big head about how good you look? I've never ever been called a beautiful statue of a person, and now I can check that off. You can check it off, but... You're like a Roman statue. It's like the penis is tiny.

The penis is very small. The nose is falling off. I'm trying to understand. I'm trying to understand, I'm trying to wrap my mind still around Ted Niffison, right? And it's like,

you're like, you're like this conventionally handsome guy, right? That's fucked up. Can I just say something? Every time you say my last name,

it sounds like you're trying really, really hard to get it right. I am! It's so weird! You want me to say it for you just so you know? Yeah.

Niffison. Niffison. Nivison. Nivison. Like Maleficent. No, like Nivison. It's spelled N-I-V-I-S-O-N, Niva-son. Have you ever thought about changing it? What?

I'm sorry. I'll repeat that. Would you take your girlfriend's last name? Have you ever thought about changing your weird last name? No, I don't think I would. Because her last name is Wilson, and that's so normal. You wouldn't want to be Ted Wilson? No.

Wilson's bad because it's also in that cast away. That's a good Ted Wilson. You'd be such a family man. I would sound like a football player that got canceled. Ted Wilson. Ted Wilson. Oh, dude, you hear about Ted Wilson? You look like a football player.

Well, it's funny you should say that. I'm not. Let's talk about high school, Ted. I'm sorry. But the one connection to that is that there is one Ted Nivison that was a football player, a.k.a. my father. Whoa. Because I'm a junior.

NFL football player? No, he wasn't. He was a college football player, and then for like 30 years afterwards, he was a college football referee. Your dad racist a little bit? What? He's a little racist?

No. Come on. Why are you trying to like edge him towards it? He's bald though? He's a little racist. Yeah, admit that your father is racist. Well, admit implies that there is something true. There's truth to it, which he is not racist.

Checkmate, Ted's dad. We got him. But yeah, no, that's. Wait, you were saying let's talk about high school. What was that going? Well, okay. Basically, to go back to your original question, going bald sucks. You feel like you're losing your identity, your youth.

You get older. It just goes away, right? It's like, boom, you look different now. I hope it never happens to you. But my other question was, what was high school like for you? Were you also like a gargantuan man? Did you have a lot of friends? Were you not a lot of friends?

I've always been pretty fucking tall. I've always been in that 100th percentile or whatever. Did you lose your virginity in high school? Right at the edge of ending high school. At 18. Ludwig Loss is like 24. It's not true. I was also 18.

No, it's 25. Looking back though, it's crazy when you're in high school, you hear about kids who were losing their virginity at fucking 16 or something like that. There were people losing their virginity in middle school. That blows my mind right now because it's like, that's so fucking early. Daniel, and don't blur it out because I want to find him and see what his life is like now.

Definitely let's blur that out. Because he lost his virginity in middle school. Archie, don't listen to him. And I was like, that's crazy dude. And I think he drives a truck now and it's fucked up. That's hype. No. Driving trucks is cool. First part. Oh, yeah. No, the

first part. Part of getting a Ford F-150 is proving that you fucked before you were 14. There's like a bell curve like the, it's like back in the day they would fuck when they were 14. There's like a bell curve. It's like back in the day, they would fuck when they were 14. And then we were like, oh, stop doing this. Stop doing this. We got to do it later in life.

And then I feel like now it's swinging back. Well, you know, the statistic is kids. I shouldn't say kids. Teenagers are having less sex in general. Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about. I thought they're having more sex. No, less. They're on their phones and their Fortnite.

TikTok's just solved it. And their U-Tune. You don't need to have sex when you have phone. Oh, when you watch Ludwig Nonder on YouTube. Yeah, you're actively suppressing fornication. Same with you, content creator shill. OnlyFans is destroying this nation. Did you beat off a lot?

What? Like growing up, did you beat off the normal amount of his teenage boy? he... Did you beat off a lot? What? Like, growing up, did you beat off, like, the normal amount of his teenage boy? Better yet, you beat off now? I do. That'd be crazy if you said no. Woo!

Right here, brother. What is... I'm trying not to mess up the microphone. I mean, it's just like... I mean, yeah, we can do it still, but... That's the... It's not like me and him. It's not like me and him.

We have, like, chemistry. We got beat off handshakes. We got, well... Yeah, do I... That's such an him we have we got beat off handshakes we got well yeah do i that's such an interesting question do i beat off a lot i mean i feel like a a normal amount for me a comfortable amount a comfortable amount proportionate to my scale i haven't really i haven't really pulled like other people on like i don't know like how do we establish what's normal there?

Yeah, that's a good question. What I'm more interested in actually, your size, right, your stature, when you, like the amount of cum that you generate must be more than like me. Wait, real quick, how tall are you? 6'4". You talk about his size like he's a Goliath.

I think you're taller than that. I've been wondering about that. I think there's a potential for me to be 6'5". Because I haven't really... I walked Aiden walk by you earlier and he looked short next to you. And I was like,

that's crazy. Hold up. Because Aiden's tall. Sit up. I bet his head will go out of frame of the camera. Oh, you're such a... Let's go to a quick break.

You're such a... Let's go to a quick commercial break. Hey, thanks. Thanks very much to Coinbase for sponsoring this podcast. What a wonderful world. Oh, I just burned my face with my coffee. I'm sorry. In the middle of our Coinbase ad read?

It jumped up onto my face. To be clear, this had nothing to do. Him burning his face had nothing to do with Coinbase. Coinbase doesn't burn your face. Unaffiliated with the burning of his face. I use Coinbase. Do you now? I do. Him burning his face had nothing to do with Coinbase. Coinbase doesn't burn your face. Unaffiliated with the burning of his face. I use Coinbase. Do you now? I do.

There you go. This guy doesn't even get paid by us. Ted Nivison. That's Ted Nivison. 10. It's 10. I'm giving that for free. 10 visions are here.

And thank you for Coinbase. Hey. Just sponsoring it in the yard now. All right, man. Did you enjoy filming with us? What was that like when you left? Were you like, were you happy with that experience

working with us? I think that was the first time we worked with you professionally. I was confused. I thought you were just suddenly saying that

the podcast had just ended right now and you were immediately without a smoke. All right, guys, let's just hop down the hole. Zero latency feedback thread. Sorry, for context for everyone,

if you didn't already watch it we posted a video where we fucking killed this guy and it was a short promo piece so people can watch the show

did well dude it was top of LSF which means all the creators reacted to it yeah Hokey reacted to it wait really her reaction

I watched it because it just popped up in my feed had like 50k views what was her reaction to the word chussy it was she was like I didn't see that part because I skipped through I'm not gonna lie dude it's like one minute because it just popped up in my feed. It had like 50K views on YouTube. What was her reaction to the word chussy? She was like, I didn't see that part because I skipped through, I'm not going to lie.

Dude, it's like one minute. No, the clip was the YouTube video is three minutes. Okay. It's a minute. Look, hey, I'm a go-go-goer. So I skipped two minutes into the end to see her reaction, and she's like making this face as I'm skipping through the gore scene,

and at the end she goes like, Hey, why did you guys recommend me Squid Game? It's so gory. And then that scene and at the end she was like Iman hey why'd you guys recommend me squid game it's so gory and then that was the clip and I was like I was like huh so I think

wait like wait what was that a bit she planned that bit no I think it's just because she thought it was squid game no she thought you guys were squid game

she was looking at the gore and it made her think of the gore in squid game oh like she just like ignored it like she watched it that's awesome she

did really ignore it yeah that's awesome. You said Iman like you guys are boys. Are you in Pokey Boys? Well, no. I was clarifying who it was because I thought I wasn't sure if you said Poke or if you said Pokey.

So that said her name. I was just in Texas and I spent a little time with Connor and Maya and Connor was talking about this video to Maya because she hadn't heard of it or seen it. Or, like, she doesn't really, like, know much about, like, the art or whatever. And he was like, Maya, Maya, you gotta... Connor's doing the thing where he's like, you gotta watch this thing that my friend made. Such a bad...

And I'm like, I'm sitting there like, you know, I love Connor. But I'm sitting there like, I don't want this person... And she's, like, a little drunk. And I'm like, I don't want this person to have to, like, be forcibly watching this video with, like, no context. And, like, doesn't, you know... That's the worst situation of being where you have to, like... I'm confiscating the don't want this person to have to be forcibly watching this video with no context. That's the worst situation of being where you have to like. I'm confiscating the goldfish from my tip. Let him have it.

Let him have it. He keeps munching goldfish. That's good. I'm literally, I'm doing this strategy where I'm chewing them as silently as possible. I don't hear any chewing. Dude, I don't think it's going to pick it up. And either way, all of our channels are separated. Archie can mute you. It's confiscated.

It's confiscated. It's confiscated. All right, Mr. Ogren. She spoke. So we're in the car, and Connor's like, you got to watch this. So he hands her the phone. He hands her the phone, and she's watching this. Hayden, no. No.

Fuck. No goldfish. Come on. You started a revolution. You can't stop it now. You are kind of like the guy from your state who died. I'm the guy from Massachusetts who died. The first guy.

This is Aiden on the Edible podcast right now. Reenactment. Anyway, you're showing Maya the video. Are we ready? No, it's actually the other way around. Connor's showing Maya the video. Maya's in the back watching it while me and Connor are in the front. So I just hear, and she's just watching it.

She goes, oh. But it's kind of early in the video, so I'm like it's just your faces I'm like I'm like I'm like it's not gonna be good when she gets further in the video, and then she gets further She goes why why are you well? Oh? It's like it's a little further. Oh, that's where he puked She's like why did you do that? where we puked and it gets a little further she's like why did you do that i'm like i don't know what did connor was connor like don't just have a look on his face like nice i mean connor loved it so he was just trying to like share with her something that he really liked but you know obviously for me i'm like this is just like the worst situation room readers bro so when do i get

to answer the initial question uh i'm yeah fred i'm joking. I forget what it was, actually. Okay. You're magnificent. I think one of the comments was dead. Nivison. That's what you are. That's funny because it rhymes. It was a good time shooting.

I mean, I always, you know, as I will say, apparently a non-interesting fun fact is that I went to film school. And so I always enjoy i do enjoy uh being on sets and stuff and helping out and stuff so i mean no it was it was a good time it was a good time it was interesting to see how you guys were running it it seemed i mean it went it went well my understanding was you want to do more stuff like that in general yeah you want to work on more projects like that yeah i actually i had recently hit up someone who's a YouTuber that does music. I was like, hey, if you want me to direct a music video or something for you, I will

fucking just fly myself out there and just make it happen because I'm trying to give myself more opportunities to do that kind of shit because it's really easy when you do YouTube and have that as your main zone to kind of get honed in on that that kind of shit because it's really easy when you do YouTube and have that as your main zone to kind of get honed in on that and kind of construct a bubble for yourself. And if you have outside interests in actual film production and stuff like that, then it takes quite a bit of effort

to actually make it happen. Are you interested in writing too? Kind of. It's one of those things where with writing, it's one of those actions where I like the idea of doing it, but it takes some extra energy to really push myself to actually go and do it, whereas other stuff feels more natural

and it's more like a fun work kind of thing. Yeah. Ted, I have a creative writing degree. Hmm? I have a creative writing degree. The? I have a creative writing degree. The other non-interesting degree. English literature is cool, though, just so you guys know. We're a team.

If you guys want to pursue that. We're a team. You guys are now a team. Yeah. And we're the same now. You have to work on the- So you've got a creative- Okay.

Tell me something real creative right now. Oh, you want something creative? Yeah, that would go well in writing. You've got three seconds. Oh, yeah, sure. How about this one for your mind? Diaper couples. Go ahead.

Go on. No, that's it. Now you're wondering, what does that mean? Is it people that like diapers and they're couples together? Is it a couple of diapers? You want to chew on diaper couples? I want to chew on that idea. This is my baby shoes never worn. Okay, No, I see. It's Adam Sandler.

It's Rob Schneider. Okay. It's all coming to me really fast. Yeah, here's a fun little podcast moment that we could do. Let's flesh this out. Yeah, you said you wanted to chew on it? Yeah, let's chew on this. Let's chew on this. So diaper couples, alright. So diaper couples, maybe they are from a faraway tribe of diaper people. They only wear diapers. But all of a sudden, all of a sudden, one of the small little spiritual thing. Like, yeah, it's a spiritual diaper thing.

One of the small little younger members of the diaper tribe, they get washed away in a river or something. And all of a sudden, they get washed all the way into the sewage. I mean, in New York City. They're in New York City. No, you're right. They're in New York City. Is this just Superman? No, no, no, no.

It's buddy cop fish out of water with a little bit of Sherlock. Yeah. Now the diaper couple has to make the trip from their diaper tribe to the Big Apple. That's right. In New York, the boy meets a girl who finds out his secret, that he wears a diaper. That's right. Hold on. In New York, the boy meets a girl who finds out his secret that he wears a diaper. That's right.

But then she reveals that she also is wearing a diaper. So we start off with one individual that has to make the travel. So he's meeting his diaper partner.

So she walks in and it's like one of those scenes where it's like, oh, no. But it's like his diaper's out and she's like,

you wear a diaper? And he's like, yeah, and I've pooped it too. It's on HBO. There's like his diaper's out. And she's like, you wear a diaper? And he's like, yeah. And I've pooped it too. It's on HBO. There's shit everywhere. Yeah. Really graphic.

Do you poop in that? Game of Thrones graphic. Yeah, NIP too. Are you ashamed of me? No. I actually think it's kind of cool. I told this story on the podcast, but this literally happened. Like, what we're describing actually did happen.

And scene. And that's the pilot, right? So this is how a writer's room works, guys. This is a show. This is not a movie. And it's actually a recreation of the Genesis story in the Bible. It's an allegory? Adam and Eve were diaper people.

That's true. Leaf diapers. Yeah, the fig leaf was a diaper. That's right. And they shat on that leaf. Yeah. And they shat in front of each other. Yeah.

Adam and Eve just fucking pop into existence, and they're like, oh, shit. And they that leaf. Yeah. And they shat in front of each other. Yeah. Adam and Eve just fucking pop into existence and they're like, oh shit. And they look down and they're like, I should cover that. And they go and they're like, this'll do. And they both just take leaves

and they just cover that. Do you think Adam, do you think Adam made her bust? Not if he was bald. No, I'm shy. Damn. Come on. She made him bust Oh

Blur there bro Welcome to the show I mean What if In that universe This The snake Serpent

Evil Um Thanks you're bald Offered a diaper To Eve rather than Snakes are bald And she And she took the And she ate out of it And that was man's first That was just writing a decant offered a diaper to Eve rather than an apple. And she ate out of it. And that was man's first sin. Her not sharing the diaper.

Well, that's actually crazy because, and you bring up a good point, the snake is bald. He's the adult. Oh, you thought that wasn't a symbol. You thought that was an accident? So they've been writing the bald people as the enemies. as the enemies

since the dawn of man. From the beginning. I mean, 6,000 years ago when the earth was started, that's an accurate statement. Is no one else bald in the Bible?

When God was doing the Tony Hawk build a character for like every person, he just went to zero and was like, oh, that looks fucked up. We should put those in there.

This guy is bad. He's like the opposite of bald if you think about it. He's got long hair. He has so much hair. He has hair. He's so much. That's true. Our icon of the perfect person had hair. I don't think there's any bald people in the Bible at all.

Yeah, Bruce Willis is the only person. What about the giant? Was he bald? Goliath? You? Also a bad guy. That's true. But wasn't he? No, but he had hair for sure. He had like long hair.

Really? I swear to God, I swear to God I remember the depiction of Goliath in the Bible. Do you know the- Where he was like, had hair here. He had like that bishop's cut or whatever you see getting Dark Souls, you know what I'm talking about? The horseshoe. Yeah, something like that.

You know the story of Delilah and Samson? Samson, she... Yeah, he wrote the song, like, he wrote the whole Hey There thing for her. Yeah. Dude, nice. Nice, thanks, man. Samson had hair, and it was really long, and she cut it, and it was a source of his power. Yeah.

Yeah, and it sucked for him. Damn. Yeah. It literally has been since God. Yeah, go fuck yourself. I'm in a press class. I'm Italian, for him. Yeah. It literally has been since God. Yeah, go fuck yourself. I'm in a press class. I'm Italian, POC. True.

And I'm bald. Yeah. Ted, what's your goal? Because I asked Ludwig what his goal is, and he's just like, I don't know, to be pog. Pog all the time. But you seem like more of a thinking human who has thoughts and dreams and things like, is it to produce a feature one day? Or what's the big thing that you want

you know to achieve that's a good question um i think it's tough to determine like what my ultimate real fucking goal is but i would like to make um some piece of work like that i directed that would be featured and i think like maybe a shorter term not like ultimate magnum opus goal would just be some piece of work that would be featured maybe like a film festival of of notability maybe that i think that would be pretty are you looking for like a feature or like a short like if i like maybe even just a really really good short film yeah okay have you ever had an ambition we were we? We were chatting about this kind of stuff pretty recently. Yeah, I told Nick about my idea.

Wait, what? I'll tell you. I told you my idea. We're off track from each other. Remember I messaged you and I said I had a great idea? You didn't tell me about it. No, this is what happened. This is what happened.

I have a great idea, and then he never talks back. I showed everyone. We were all at dinner when I got this message from Ludwig. And Ludwig messaged me, yo, I got a big idea. And I'm like, that's great. And then the no response. Then I go, do I have to wait until I'm home from Texas to hear it? And he goes, yeah.

Okay. And that was it. So I haven't heard your fucking idea. No one can hear it. No one can hear it? Yeah, no one can hear it. Well, you guys can hear it. Just the viewers at home can't hear it.

Well, so I ask that because Kickball was Ludwig's big project even way, way back. Like, back when he was, like, a small bear. You were a tiny little bear. Yeah, I've been working on kickball for a year and a half. And then kickball finally came together because COVID, like, fucked with everything. But it became, like, this big-ass thing. And your goals are often, like, more in the space of, like, where you are. And, I don't know, i feel like mine are always different because

i i hate i hate i hate it i think that's what i think that how do you hate what way what do you hate yeah that wasn't he hates being a content creator no i get what you're saying and i get what he's saying but i think his goals are just more i think he is already doing what he wants to be doing no i'm bald yeah yeah that to be. Are we having a conversation with him? I weirdly understand what he means. I talked to my friend. He gets it. My friend from high school. He gets it.

Listens to the yard. His name's Jake. And he said, and I quote, so I was funny. But man, I feel like that guy's fucking, he's dumb sometimes. How big Jake, bro? Jake takes, he's like two fucking 15 right now. He's like a big guy. But he said he'd love to hang out with you.

He said he thinks you'd like it. So we'd be friends instead of fight. He also, to be clear, thinks he's probably dumb as bricks. That's hype. There you go. I like that guy. You know what I did on the way home? I watched The Big Lebowski.

That was a great movie. I watched it the first time. I never saw it before. I loved it. Yeah. Yeah. It was really good. And I realized that he's Ben in a lot of ways.

Yeah, yeah. For sure. Who's Ben? Ben Tolson ways. Yeah, for sure. Who's Ben? Ben Tolson. Cool. Yeah. Yeah, I think, you know what I am?

I'm a producer role in a lot of these ways. So when you guys made the ad for The Yard, I'm the producer of that. So I had a bunch of people give me praise in my chat. You're the bank role. No worries, guys. Honestly. You know what that's called, Ludwig? That's called being an executive producer. Yeah, you are an exec.

You're an exec producer. Which is a great spot to have. Which is when a studio just pays an actor or some notable person just to have their name on the project. Which is why, by the way, which is why I never give Ludwig any shit for his lack of involvement in a project physically. Because the funding part is literally what everyone struggles to do. Everyone is constantly pitching, but we can just go to him and be like, we have an idea, and he's like, okay, and then we do it, and he gets to be like, it's my thing.

I'm never mad about that. But when he doesn't message me back about fucking regular shit, I'm like, you're not giving me money for this. Just reply. That's true. Why don't you just walk into his room and just slap him around a little bit? You'd think that. You'd think that, yeah. He doesn't leave his room, dude.

He's also bigger than us. He intimidates us his room, dude. Well, he's also bigger than us. He intimidates us physically off the clock. Dude, where's Croc? How do you intimidate him? He's strong. Really? I am strong, Ted. The only roommate that used to be able to take him doesn't live here anymore.

How much do you lift? How much do I lift? I don't know. I don't fucking lift. Okay. I would take you. Yeah, you just got God genetics. I would take all six more of you into the ground.

Hey, man. Okay, I would take you. I would take all six more of you into the ground. Hey, man, I held my own against a 600-pound Japanese world champion. I saw that, and you didn't. I moved him a little bit. He was just counting on none of us having watched the video. They literally did a thing in movies where the guy stands there, and Ted's trying to fucking move him.

The guy's just standing there, and Ted's using all his might to push him an inch. I moved him a little bit. Can you say the same same i moved the earth a little bit every time i jump science fact for you that not a sign not a fact or science how dare you none of what you just said i have a question dare you i have a question um we have a topics channel in our uh private discord for like organizing the the show oh very very fun. And Anthony posted in there, jigsaw fart puzzle. And I would like to know what that meant

because I was in Texas when he posted this. And I read it and went, it's going to be an episode when we come back. Yeah, this is about when I thought to myself, man, I wish I went to Texas. I'm downstairs. And it's like really late at night. It's like me and Eamon just like in the fucking kitchen.

It's dark. He's fucking getting water. Jigsaw fart puzzle? So I walk by and I look at him and it's like dark and I just fart. And then he's like he's not happy about it. And he walks through my like fart area to get his water

and then I'm like wait a minute you always don't you ever respond when you're sleeping to your friends jms amen now you're about to find out what it's really like now you have to respond and it's basically it's basically like a jigsaw puzzle i had this idea it's a jigsaw puzzle but it's like it's just you're like dealing with a really dude you have to like fart fart into a tank and fill it up a certain amount. You can't do it and die. His binary choice was quote, in the jigsaw voice. Are we talking jigsaws and saw?

Yeah. Okay, when you say jigsaw puzzle, the whole thing I have in my mind is like, these are the two images you've created in my mind for most of this conversation, is a jigsaw puzzle that you do on a rainy day and then just like a floating cloud of gas and I'm like how do you get these together? You have to do one he

comes home like pretty late it's dark he's standing in the hall like with his arms out speaking in the jigsaw voice and he's like you have to smell the fart or die. And I was like, it's like,

what is that? I was like, this sounds like a bad porno. A bad, a bad really kinky porno. I was just in the kitchen. I was like, why is that the binary?

Like, what? It's a jigsaw situation. I'll smell it. I'll smell it. Did you sniff it? No, I didn't.

I walked through it. So you're dead now. Man, I mean, he's standing right here to tell the tale, bro. I smell it. I'll smell it. Did you sniff it? No, I didn't. I walked through it. So you're dead now. Man, I mean, he's standing right here to tell the tale, bro. I took it. I take it every time. He says that like he's such a man. Your presence here is evidence of you being the fart smeller. Yeah.

That's right. The jigsaw victim. Are you a fart joke guy? Do you fart with the boys and it's like a thing? Or are you guys these guys? You mean like rip one and then everyone bursts into boys and it's like a thing or like you guys these guys like you mean like rip one And be and then like everyone bursts. Yeah after like it's the best thing. Yeah Necessarily I don't like the way he said that because it makes it sound

Part guys over here We love parts well Sometimes I'll be saying there with Aiden. There's one guy who chooses to do it often. Which guy? I mean, we started with it. We got ready with a fart. That's right. You're different now. And you know what I hated about that?

Because you're changing. You've changed. No, I just have to shit. Come on. Wouldn't be as much of a problem if you were part of the diaper tribe. We're back of the diaper tribe yeah that's right we're back on the diaper tribe that's right on the on the topic of like uh like archetypes i guess uh for chuckle sandwich how would you like classify the three people on the show like we kind of all have our thing like aiden's like the normie you know ludwig's like the the rich aloof one you know

i'm like the cool chad every podcast you know anthony's the bald guy so like what what oh yeah uh what what is like the three of you in your eyes i would say what do you bring to the table um i would say that probably in terms of my role i definitely fall into the zone of like being like the host kind of thing i mean i started the podcast so i kind of like am wrangling the guys and also like kind of feeding them topics. You feel like you're guiding the conversation along. Yeah. I feel like I very often. That's Anthony for us. Yeah.

We're the same. We are one. We have the same. Doesn't it suck to have to say you're the same? He does it at bad times too. He'll like do something bad and say it. You know, just a brief summary about how it feels to be on the end of that sentence. On the end of.

What I just said to you. Oh, he doesn't lie. We're the same. We're the same. Soul crushing. Aiden comes up to me sometimes and he's like, we're not the same, bro. I don't know why he keeps saying that to me. Like, we're not the same.

But I mean, I will say it is interesting to hear like this, this bald shit and stuff, especially if he fulfills that role. Because one of the things that Charlie and Chalette like to do as I'm the host on the show is they had this bit at the beginning of the podcast where they would and it's continuing to this day where they just claim that i've done these terrible things to them in the past like break their knees or like beat the shit out of them so i i definitely do get a lot of like the the comedic uh shit throwing but um i would say that uh Schlatt is he I think very often with Schlatt's comedy he will sit and wait for his moment to say something uh ridiculous yeah or like shocking and and then he'll take that in the moment or he he'll find something very, very specific that he wants to talk about,

or just be pissed about, and he'll go with that. And somewhere along the way, he'll just find some way to spin it that'll make it really, really funny. Have you ever seen Schlatt emotional? Have you ever accessed the true core of him? Because he might be your Ludwig to us. Potentially.

I mean, I would say I've never seen him cry. I think that I've gotten closer with Schlatt over the time that we've done Chuckle Sandwich. Part of the reason why I started Chuckle Sandwich was because with Schlatt and Charlie, I was like, okay, these are two people that I really enjoy making content with, and I want to get to know them better. So I, and in my past experience in working with them, they were always able to come through for like projects and stuff. And they were always like. Yeah, they were very, they're very reliable guys.

So I was like, this seems like a perfect opportunity to like make something really, really cool. But, and, and to answer your question with, with Charlie Charlie I would say that like Charlie's whole thing is obviously he's got his puns he's got his very he's got a different sort of like brand of humor that he brings to the podcast where it's um it it is like the lovable eye rolly guy where it's like he says it and you're like come on but yeah and they have a pun guy and they have a pun guy his is his is like Anthony hates puns yeah it's it's weird because i yeah all right i've given opportunities to i've had multiple opportunities to try to describe these guys as humor but i mean it's it's a little tough i mean how would you guys describe it from

an outside perspective i think maybe me and ludwig i don't know have you listened to the show yeah anthony i don't think you have it's hard me. I watch documentaries. Do you make a documentary? I'll watch it. I would say if you're familiar with us as individuals, that pretty much reflects into the plot. I think you painted it really well. And I think that like, so like my experience watching,

I think like, I think one of the, we talked about this briefly, like when we were at your place, I was saying how like Schlatt is one of those people who just has that superpower where like he just can kind of say people who just has that superpower where like he just can kind of say things

and people will laugh even when he misses because it's like still kind of on brand for him to like miss but not care. And I think I had that kind of moment at your roast.

At the roast, yeah. I was talking specifically about that and how like not many people can go up and bomb and that was their joke. You have to have lived a certain type of life and be a person. Mizkif bombed in a very traditional way like the same

thing but it did not miz actually bombed and like people were laughing at him but like schlatt bombed and people were laughing with him and and i think the reason for that is because um like schlatt he he has i feel like miz miz by comparison has just like comparison, has so much that he says and talks about. But when Schlatt has a more limited appearance and when he shows up and it's more intentional in that sense. Speak less and you're heard more. There's a scarcity, yeah. He's a bit too cool for school.

So when he came up during that roast, it was like, okay, what's going on here? And then obviously him just doing nothing was just like, oh, that's ridiculous that that's what he came with. I pushed for that laugh track, by the way. Speaking of roast, I feel like, because I was watching the most recent one, the Soda Poppin' roast.

Roast the Soda Poppin'? And on the, you know, some people were there. I was there, if you didn't know. Yeah, no. You were great. I didn't watch it no you were great thanks I didn't watch it all but I thought

I'm gonna be real you usually do good with that stuff I didn't even know it happened I just saw a clip that was sent to me of you

and I was like wait this happened well so I was I was watching it at the beginning and I saw you're there

yeah I'm just hanging out wait you're there yes he's the spectator of all roasts he's in the audience you've just been you've just been silently watching all the roasts that have happened this far i know i i and i met i met soda poppin like this week yeah so like but i think it was just the context was that uh i think i was talking with austin he was like oh we're doing this roast soda pop and he needed like audience members i was like oh i'll come by i got nothing going on um well that was kind of the context of like when you

came to the one at our place it was uh you showed up kind of kind of like later than everybody it was like oh yeah ted's coming and we were like yeah who's ted that was like big t and then you just sat down like watch the whole thing that's an interesting thing uh context behind that because it was that was how long ago was that rose a few months ago that was like the close to one of the first times that i had like seen schlatt since the beginning of like the whole pandemic situation thing so i was like still that's an interesting character because he's like you know he's schlatt so i was still establishing where our friendship was where i could be like hey could i come along with this ludwig rose thing because that's so interesting i don't think we i don't think we had met you yet yeah so it was it was

one of those i i'm at the point now where i where where i'm with schlapp where i realized like he's just the kind of person you'd have to text him a bunch and bother him and then and then things will happen but back then i was like back then I'm so used to being the kind of person that is just used to being invited to things that I felt weird about like, like putting myself in that position. But I really wanted to see all these people and meet folks.

Let me tell you, I expected more from you as an audience member at the Soda Roast. I was, I thought it was really funny. Did you bomb the audience member role? I don't think you're a great fake laugher. How did he choke you? What do you mean? Well, so at the beginning of the roast, right? Cause don't think I did. I don't think you're a great fake laugher. How did he choke it? What do you mean?

Well, so at the beginning of the roast, right? Because it's like 15 people, maybe. They are the most soulless fucking productions ever made. my conduct from that roast.

I remember. We'll get to that. Because what happened is Austin comes out and he's like, all right, like, look, this is going to be on stream. We don't have a laugh track.

You guys can just like laugh really loud. It's going to be on stream. It's a piece of shit product that we're just shoving out the door. It's not going to be good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm talking about Soda's roast. Austin specifically asked for everyone to like laugh really loud it's a piece of shit product that we're just shoving out the door it's not gonna be good yeah yeah i'm talking about sodas roast okay austin specifically

asked for everyone to like laugh and like you know hype up everything and like you know just like because it's pretty easy just go like huh at a joke or something but that that comes across very dead on stream so they don't have a laugh track so are you saying that i wasn't they don't know i was laughing a bunch were you still i felt like Were you watching me? I was Hawkeyeing you, and I was like, look at this fucker not laughing at my jokes. Oh, when you were doing your jokes. What did he say? He didn't even need you to laugh. I was thinking they weren't funny.

You weren't funny. I will say this thing. There is a lot of, in that roast I noticed, there's a lot of underlying meta that came with the Twitch world that I'm generally streamer adjacent, as you've said in the past. No, no, no. They hate each other all in real life. It's the blood and strips of the internet. Well, there's just jokes that I just don't know the context of or understand.

So I was trying to make myself laugh, but I also didn't want to be like. Is that your fake laugh? No. What fake laugh would you rock okay okay and that's what i said you're bald fucker maybe you're fake laughing oh i thought you were gonna do it he's leading you in i'm trying to cut it oh lovely that was great ted i need a little more from you this time you want me to fake laugh i can't work work this guy. No from the top. I know I'm gonna die. We're almost out today I have you guys our last night of the day. We're out last night. All right, let me just and action a

Grip it and I said you're bald fucker You were bringing that to the table he was no You weren't bringing that to the table. No, he was not. No shot after any laugh. He went, nice. I went, nice. I did. I said, nice. Good one.

Oh, my God. I didn't say that. Classic. Okay, well, here's the thing. I did laugh at one of your jokes, though, because I helped you write one. Oh, okay. So you hard fake laughed at that joke? Mm-hmm, because I knew I was like.

Which one was it? Whoever helped with that joke? Mm-hmm, because I knew I was like... Which one was it? Whoever helped with that joke is really funny. The joke was Austin did a Genshin Impact sponsored stream. Yeah. And had like 2K viewers. I helped with half of it. And had 2K viewers. And I said, Austin doing a Genshin Impact stream is like...

And then I said, I wanted an example of a celebrity endorsement that doesn't make sense. You know? Okay. So I said that's like Lil Nas X doing a Catholic church sponsorship. That's what he went with. That was a joke? Yeah. I could have gone with Unabomber USPS. He's critical.

I'm very critical. Mr. Creative writing over here. It's all I got. More like cynical writing. I don't know why your laugh brought this memory back, but I have no other platform to tell you this and have it be entertaining. At the... There's phenomena that happens where you have a specific image in your head

or memory that just comes back to you all the time for years and years. I have one of those. It hasn't been years yet. I don't have the sample size, but every time I hear that song... What's that big TikTok song? It's like being an astronaut in the ocean oh yeah what you know about rolling down in the deep when that song goes so we were at the hundred thieves

foundation thing uh it was like the second time i had taught ted ever i think yeah and uh he came up and that song started playing and he was like this is that song and i did i had never heard it it's my first time ever hearing it i'm like what are you talking about and he's like you know the tiktok song and then he gets like she squats down real low and he starts singing it and he's like swaying side to side like this like a crab man and he's like he's got his jaw like pushed out and he's like singing the lyrics that is always in my head i literally not even when the song is playing that is just in my head all the time and i can't remove it that's the problem like i'll just be sitting there and then it'll pop in and i'm like ah ah i usually have a good memory but

what you are what you are telling me right now i have zero recollection of well all of it was sucked into my brain yeah because i'll be like in one time i was i can see myself doing it like this is like okay that's on brand one time one time i was just driving and that image came in my head and then i just listened to the song because i was like is that how i how i get rid of it i have one of those things with you that i think about all the time so every time we get ramen i think about this because one of the first times we ever got dinner together we got ramen oh i remember this yeah and we talked for like a while and i never really met you and then at the end, I paid. And you're like, oh, man, you don't got to pay.

And I was like, that's all right, man. And you're like, all right, I got you in the next one. And you never got me. Wait, what? You never got me on the next one. Wait, wait, wait. Do you mean when I went to your place? The next one, you didn't get him. No, do you mean when I went to your place?

No, this was ramen at your place. Wait, when was this? Like, this was at the poop house. We got ramen nearby. Oh, the piss and shit house? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't remember this at all. I thought you were talking about the time.

So, well, I've gotten you at this point. Uh-huh. But. You haven't got me. You haven't got me. You got me on Bucky's clean. But your ramen bill is at zero. All right, look.

Bucky's your plus, like, thousands. Next time we get ramen, the gyoza's on me, maybe? Gyoza. I thought you were talking about the time one time uh so i was trying to like get hired by like team liquid and ludwig let me stay at his house because it was way closer to like the job and we me and him went and got ramen together and we played credit card roulette so for people who don't know you put all the credit cards of people who are there on the table upside down i've never lost and uh the waiter comes over and you say just pick one and they'll pay for everything. And then, you know,

it's stressful, because you're like, oh, do I pay nothing when I pay fucking $200? But it was just us two. So it was, like, not that high stakes. We did order a lot.

Or maybe Zeke was there, too. I think someone else went over. And the waitress comes over, and we're, like, playing credit card roulette. And she's like, oh, I don't know. And on the way over,

I was saying something like, I think it was your card. Your card was yeah right i was like oh you're fucked like your card's red and he's like that has nothing to do with it and i'm like she's gonna pick your card and the waiter waitress comes over and i'm like we explain credit card roulette and she goes i like red she says it out loud and then she grabs the card and i'm busting up laughing and that was when you report really annoyingly too she's like I like red fuck yeah cool I like purple bitch yeah and Ludwig

had like a hundred dollars in his bank account yeah I have a great strap for that now I've developed one someone was roasting me because I still use like a federal credit union

from New Hampshire that I've had since I was 16 I still use it to this day you just gotta get like Bank of America they got features it has a $1,000 credit limit

and that's it it's very ineffective and inefficient but that's what i use and anytime credit card roulette comes up it's like this dusty ass card that just looks so generic like they feel bad picking you yeah they never pick me if they get to look by by the way dude i i have this is the day i knew I've been mentally fucking broken was today because Ludwig lost his wallet. He lost it, and it's fucking gone, and he lost it over the weekend, and it's a pain in the ass. I have to replace everything.

I even went to the place where he thinks he lost it, whatever. And I come home, and I went there without question just to check so they didn't pick up the phone. And I come home, and it's in the morning, and he's sleeping because he just got in, and I'm like, hey, your wallet's gone. He's like, oh, man, because I know he doesn't give a shit because I have home and it's in the morning and he's sleeping because he just got in and I'm like, hey, while it's gone, he's like, oh man, because I know he doesn't give a shit because I have to fix it.

And then I was like, I should have had a tile in there. Like I should have had something in there so we could find it. This is my fault. He said that because this is on me. And then Cutie, Cutie's in the room

and brings him back down to reality. She's like, no, it's his fault. I wasn't like beating myself up but i was just like i could have stopped this like and tile if you're listening uh you know i'm like theon grayjoy you watch game of thrones my cock is gone is theon the one that gets like destroyed and like assaulted and tied up yeah by ramsey bolton yeah and his cock is gone and that's what you're like you're like thatsey Bolton? Yeah, dude. Just by losing things.

Your lack of doing things is what causes it. It's been a long one. You know how high strong I am? I mean, you look like... You sound like Jerry Seinfeld. I can't believe what I did this weekend! Yeah, what were you going to ask me? Ludwig lost his wallet!

He lost it, Jerry! I can't believe he lost it again! I realize I don't need it, too. This is like Spongebob or something? I traveled to Boston for a three-day trip. I had a cell phone in my passport, and that's it. No, come on. Do the whole thing.

Go ahead. Travel to Boston. Boston. Across the country. Chusen. And the thing thing bastard Boston across the country shoes. Think about Boston think about Boston is Yeah, I'm sorry Hey, you know what else I was my mother I did watch a video of yours I think this is the first time I've ever watched an entire video of Ludwig's without me being in it full retention full retention

It was your one about why Twitch is fucking up. Sure. And I was like, this is interesting. And then I watched the whole thing, and it's a good video. I did click on that video. I think I had something to do, but I was... Retention? No, but in terms of... You bookmarked that one, though, right?

You bookmarked it? Watch later? Watch later. In terms of interest generated by it, I was like, oh, true, because I did see that. What was it? it was about the Boosting yeah, it's the boosting thing. They're doing you like pay up It's like a viewer can pay money for what you saw you get it right no no I had an ADHD moment I'm gonna let him finish this

But just know that I have something that I'm saying the whole time but uh but yeah It was just you can boost people's streams. Viewers can boost for recommendations, which I think is just super cringe. It's like Facebook shit. Yeah, you explained it really well in your video. It was Ludwig made a good video. The video. I made a good video?

I watched the whole thing too. I watched that video. And at the end of the video, I was like i i really i really like that one and i was like this reminds me of of an atrioc video touch his hand a lot wow really i'm not kidding i i'm fine that's fine i don't care more long form like explanatory content i like that ludwig's moving in an Atrioc direction. Yeah. And you have a lot of catching up to do, but... See, what I like about Ludwig's content

is that I've always felt that... Ted, what were you just going to say? Okay, so when you said boosting, you said boo-sting. And there was this particular sound of that that reminded me of recently when I was running on... I didn't sleep. There was this period of time I had to edit was running on i didn't sleep there was this period of time i had to edit a video and i didn't sleep for like 27 hours i think it actually ended

up being like 31 and i thought of a word a phrase that you can use i even posted about it on tiktok that oh that one i think is really really good so when you say that you really want something for instance i'm i'm want more of that goldfish, but obviously we've got the fucking Dragon Guard and the treasure here. No. You can say that you're goosing for it. I'm goosing for some goldfish?

So like, dude, I am goosing for some ramen tonight. Let's get some ramen. I'm goosing for that shit. Me and the boys are goosing for some pussy. And I've already introduced like Schlatt to this. Schlatt used it with me in a text conversation already

and I was... What's funny is you guys have enough power to make it a term that people understand. That's what I'm thinking. It's a lot of power to wield. This happened...

There was a thread on the podcast subreddit today and I told Anthony about this and the thread was have you guys adopted any yard-isms from the podcast? And the top comment is, I now end every conversation with frag out. That's weird.

We don't do that. It was a one-off joke, but I like that. It was a single episode bit, but I liked it a lot. We have something on the chuckle sandwich that we do because it stemmed from when we were talking about our childhood little stuffed animals and when we named them. And I guess Schlatt and Charlie found it especially ridiculous that my childhood stuffed animal Beanie Baby growing up was named – it was a puppy, and I named it Favorite Puppy. You're a freak. What? You're a sociopath.

You named it – give me your Favorite Puppy. That is so weird. Imp'm sorry lying there are others What do you call them? No? It's a clarifying statement in case no yeah amongst the others that is favorite puppy I mean, it's great hurts for the other. That's I mean There are kids no no no that's weird. That's that's weird Okay, that's it's pretty much as literal as like when a kid has a brown dog and they just name it Brownie. No, no, no. That's different.

Because that's like a name. That's like saying tiny dog, and that's my dog's name. It's tiny dog. That would be a pretty funny name. Okay, yeah, you're free. I get it now. To be fair, we literally run around the house and call Durr's kitty man. That's true.

That's a nickname. It is a nickname. It's not on his papers. If he was calling his dog Spot, oh, who's my favorite dog? That'd be different. His government name's different. I really do like the... To finish the context of that, basically, we started saying

things that we... If we liked something, we'd say, oh, that's favorite puppy. That's now what we do. That's so weird. It's very strange. It's like Tide we'd say, oh, that's favorite puppy, is now what we do. That's so weird. It's very strange. It's like tight butthole, right? Oh, yeah. It is like tight butthole.

Thanks, please. I want to be included. You don't watch Workaholics? No. What? Workaholics, the TV show. He's 23, bro. No, I honestly...

You should go back and watch Workaholics. Workaholics is still funny. I just watched it. I've been meaning to watch Workaholics. Workaholics is still funny. I just watched it. I've been meaning to watch Workaholics. I had that same thing happen to me with words. Yeah, I like Goosen, by the way. Goosen is good. I like Goosen.

Her muff was Goosen for some cum. This is part... What'd you just say? What'd you just say? That sounds like a line from Inbetweeners. I didn't hear what he said. That's your version of pull my bud. Those birds are...

I just wanted to use your word in a sentence that I would say all the time. To the 10% of our audience. This is not your episode. Go ahead and skip this one. She's been goosing for her favorite puppy, Hog. Yeah. That's great. You shouldn't be allowed to say... No, dude. There's a combination of words

that hasn't been said yet that's going to unlock the eighth dimension. Yeah. And we got close just now. We got the Da Vinci code. Well, shit. Sorry, I was going to segue into something and then it left my brain we got close just now. We got the DaVinci Code. Well shit. Sorry I was going to segue into

something and then it left my brain. It's gone now. I actually want to come back around to something because I feel like you didn't get your piece and I

actually think it's pretty interesting. Oh I just wanted to How does an entire esports company and production company not put a little more sauce into that?

Effort into their roasts? Yeah. I'm surprised. I don't know. They have so many tools at their disposal. Talking about the roast of Soda Poppin' that happened, which echoes the roast of Hassan that happened earlier on.

I think you're misunderstanding it. Hosted at the Cash App compound, right? Yeah, 100 Thieves I don't think had anything to do with it. I don't think so either. But I'm more saying there is a level of access to resources that whoever is putting it on has, if it's Austin or whoever. And they're severely underutilizing it because they're just kind of like throwing shit into a room. And it's like I get mad at it because I'm like, damn, the potential here is fucking crazy.

I literally put a laugh track. I think what surprises me is when you guys put together the Ludwig roast, it was so hodgepodge, put together. A lot of the components were last minute. The production company was pretty fresh to what they were doing. So I feel, and considering the way it turned out, I was really impressed. So I'm surprised that the needle isn't at least a matching. There's a deadness to those productions, i don't like it i guess i think we also come from a live broadcast background and maybe have a more critical eye well i genuinely think that if you wanted to take it to the level

that like because the roast format is a very very specific thing and when it's not hitting that and then it falls into the sort of the uncanny valley zone of like this is like the casual live streamer aspect trying to make a professional event yeah i think happened but what you could do is you could literally advertise it in advance get right a studio like a like an actual theater yeah of sorts and then sell tickets and have an actual audience yeah that's like a with microphones because you would you would make money back on the tickets and that could help fund the event and it would make it less dead yeah i think there's a lot of effort not being and there's also that's what it is exactly it's effort and then streamer brain goes effort and then if they

don't have a person if they don't have a person, if they don't have a slime, that they can be like, hey, go do effort. Then it just happens however is most convenient and quick. If you're a streamer, get yourself a slime. I think it would be. Sweet James. 1,800. Slime now. It's also getting a bunch of streamers to do something is just hard.

That's true. Together. I think that's a really important thing. Getting that group to show up to a thing that sounds like much more responsibility, much more stage, which means your jokes need to be like... Because a lot of people didn't even know their jokes because they had writers until the day of or day before. Which is typical. I heard people getting shit for that. That's actually typical.

Yeah. So if you're a fucking LSF pussy, you mean nothing. That's normal. But I think they wouldn't have signed up if it was like, tickets sold, live audience. Really? I think it would have been more stress, more nervous. Soda's family, their delivery was great. Oh, they were great.

How many viewers were watching the Soda Poppin'? 50K? 50K. But if you think about it this way, you'd have, what is that, 1% of an audience of 500 people? Yeah. That's like 1% of the same amount of people yeah you mean

what do you say you could also broadcast a live event if you're talking about 500 well no I mean in terms of like you being nervous being on stage I mean it's just different it's way it's way harder and any streamer be dumb as bricks if there be like yeah I could do stand up I stream in front of 10,000 people.

That's true. Oh, yeah. They get in front of a stand-up crowd, they would fucking choke. It's just a totally different skill set, though. Yeah.

Yeah, it's just like totally different. Like how Brandon Wardell isn't funny except on Twitter. No, you know what? That's a hard one. I actually was a believer

in this for a long time. I think he has changed. I think he is now funny both. Dude, you know what's true? a hot one. I actually was a believer in this for a long time. I think he has changed. I think he is now funny both. Dude, you know what's true? I think he's funnier on Twitter. Who are streamers that you think could do stand-up? There's a streamer that's not fucking... Well, I was going to say not funny at all.

Okay, well, say that first. Like, in real life. Well, I'll save it for the bonus. All right. Save it for the bonus episode. Save it for the bonus episode. Hey, if you guys want to check it out, I'll be on patreon.com forward slash the yard.

Available now. And before we go, Ted Nivison, thank you guys want to check it out, I'll be on patreon.com forward slash the yard and now and before we go Ted Nivison, thank you so much for hanging out with us. If you could plug one thing about you and your universe in your life do it now do it now to that guy right there go listen to the other podcast

that I'm on chuckle sandwich tell me when to stop Ted you're at a side podcast that I'm on, Chuckle Sandwich. Tell me when to stop, Ted. You're at a side angle. You are at a side angle. Ted, come on. Until from this angle, the 2D vision I'm seeing right now, okay, well now we're way past it. Alright, thanks for watching, guys.

Later!