The Yard - Ep. 140 - Addressing the rumors

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

This week, the boys talk about the rumours, Ludwig meeting LinusTechTips, and how Ludwig bumped into a star..

You're gonna kill it. You're gonna be great. I know I'm gonna be great. Dude, he beats like a college player. I'll be hype. Don't say how I beat. I like how you beat. That's so cool. Last time you beat, go. Shit beats like a I beat. I like how you beat. That's so... Last time

you beat, go. Shit beats like a cult. Like masturbated? Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. Oh, beat means have sex too. Both, but I was talking about beat. First one. Wait, like... So what's the last... You're talking about playing with my little shit. Yeah. You're talking about last time I was...

Why would you call your little shit... That damn pud. That damn pud of mine. You're talking about the last time I played with my little ass tiny ass shit. Yeah. Last time you played with your tiny ass would you call your little shit? That damn pud. That damn pud of mine. You're talking about the last time I played with my little ass tiny ass shit. Last time you played with your tiny ass shit. You keep calling

little ass tiny ass but yeah. Fucking what? Two weeks ago? Two weeks? I fucking knocked around my nasty little shit.

Two weeks? Damn. I punched my shit around. You were like you were in one of these. Yeah.

I was in the speed bag in my fucking little ass tiny fucking dog shit penis. This is 33. I didn't realize

you were doing nofap. I'm proud of you. I didn't know what you were talking about. I just, I like to pace myself. Yeah, I respect that. Okay, let's go around.

Gentlemen. When's the last time you beat your nasty little shit? One week. One week ago you beat your shit? One week. Come on, dude.

You beat your nasty little shit in one week. Nasty little shit, bro. It's not nasty. It's? Yeah. Come on dude. You beat your nasty little shit? Nasty little shit bro. It's not nasty. It's not nasty. It's natural. Alright, what about your fucking nasty, uncircumcised, fucking stinky ass, cheese ass shit? Like two or three days ago? Three days ago?

What's going on guys? Are you stressed out? Damn, your hands are still dirty probably. What? After three days? Cause you don't wash them. I see all the smeg on your fucking damn fingernails. There's so much smeg we have to go through. Well, I'm pretty charming. Your hands are stressed out? My hands are still dirty probably. What? But after three days? Cause you don't wash them.

I see all the smeg on your fucking damn fingernails. There's so much smeg we have to go through. Prince Charming, what about you? Last time I went under the hood? I saw you popped over there to check the wiper fluid. That's how I gave it an oil change, huh? Been a month. A month.

Been a clean month. A month. Been a month dude. Congratulations on your nofap record. My record is, I'm good at it. Where do you get your motivation from? When I sleep, I do it. That's because I'm always working. It is kind of like Ludwig Maxing to come in your sleep.

Yeah. Because it's like how he takes meetings in the car. It's like, well, I'm driving, so I'll take the meeting. I'll do two things at once. I'm going to do a meeting in the car. I'm working out, and I'm driving, so I'll take the meeting. I'll do two things at once. I'm going to do a meeting in the car. I'm working out and I'm also playing. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a two for one. You cover a lot of ground in your life. Welcome back to the yard. Episode 73. And if you want to take a look at our new book, do we have it? I didn't get it. I thought you got it. I said we weren't doing that.

I thought, wait, I thought you got it. I changed my mind. Walked in and I said, we're not doing that. Why wouldn't we do it this week? It's not going to be out. We can do it multiple weeks. It said we weren't doing that. I thought you- wait, I thought you got it. I changed my mind, walked in and said we're not doing that. It's not gonna be out. We can do it multiple weeks. It's not gonna be out. We already tweeted it out. We have a book coming out. Let me just say it.

Do you want me to go get it? I was just gonna say, no, I don't wanna get it now. Well, why not now? Why are you being petty? Go to the house. Go to the house and get it. Go to the house. Go to the house. Don't go that- yeah, thank you. Well, we shouldn't send him. He's gonna beat his shit in there.

He's gonna beat his shit. He, he's gonna beat his shit. He's gonna be your nasty shit. That's all you apparently do. He's not nasty! You beat your shit next to Otto! You be honest! No! He's beating with Otto!

You don't want to be next to Otto. He's not an employee. He's beating with Otto. This isn't- okay, you're also- It's okay to beat- What is this? Fucking communist China? Pfft! Ha ha ha ha ha!

You think- What is this shit? No! You're saying you can't beat with your friend and coworker? Yes! Oh, I guess we're- Yeah, I'm- I'm saying that. I guess we're in North Korea. I can't beat with your friend and co-worker? Yes. I'm saying that. I guess we're in North Korea. I can't beat with my fucking homies.

Yeah, I am saying that. You know what that North Korean woman who says like that, you know, in North Korea. It's the same thing as Yakov Smirnoff. He's like, in Soviet Russia, you're not allowed to beat a wiener. Yeah, yeah. It's the same. Wiener beat you. it's the same way to beat you the same bit Yeah, oh, yeah, okay. What are you holding in your dumb ass or nasty smegma covered hands our coffee table bug? I'll take the this out so everyone gets one of those

Yeah, well you're right to me So I I started this project in I managed I managed it so poorly that it took two years to complete. Isn't that funny? A project that probably should have taken three months. Yeah. The book is season one of The Yard, which covers 72 episodes. So it changed it. The funny thing is, you'd think the holdup would be with this very detailed, nice art

that's on each page. Yeah, shoutouts. His name is Leo Thompson. And it's because it's so well done and there's so art that's on each page. Yeah, shoutouts. His name is Leo Thompson. And it's because it's so well done, and there's so much of it on each page. But actually, no. That wasn't the holdup. It was just...

It was me mismanaging it. Yeah. So a couple of things kept adding on. We're like, okay, we should write about the episode. And then we had to listen through, and then we had to write shit, and Ludwig would do it on a plane. He was good about it.

I was less good about it. It's true. But how this started, I think it's actually cool Leo is just like did this idea where he did a whole podcast episode in comic strip form and posted it on the subreddit and I immediately was like this is really good like storyboarded it yeah yeah and I was like do you want to do this for all of them for money and he was like okay and it's been a long time coming so shout outs to him

he's also part of the Australian ultimate scene so come on can we make it is it too late to make a new

it's like an oxymoron such a cool thing I didn't realize we didn't tell me Archie can you pop his twitter on there and stuff have you guys read

what I wrote we had no idea I got a little story about that I can finally talk about the book I've been waiting to tell this story for so long but basically there and stuff. Have you guys read what I wrote? We had no idea. I got a little story about that. I can finally talk about the book. I've been waiting to tell this story for so long. We didn't really explain what the book is, but it's basically just every episode broken down into comics, like Slime

said, but then also all of us have an excerpt that we wrote behind the scenes about that episode. Director's commentary. Basically director's commentary. Zipper has some too. And Zipper has on every page. Zipper comes in like, I was high on this episode, and it's just everyone they're like really high it's just it's just bracket eight and then it's like the tomato meter out of five so when slime had this idea one of the first thoughts i had was like let's not gonna do this like there's no way he's gonna sit down and

write 73 excerpts and and uh it turns out I'll be fucking damned he did it English major he had like and I was I was reading through some of them and I was like these are really well written

he cared when he wrote these prose and he really chat GPT no they don't have it on airplanes it wasn't out they don't have it on airplanes yet

it wasn't out actually you're right it wasn't out that's how long it's taken take down the airplane that I'm in using the wifi uh and I and so I haven't read anyone's excerpts except take down the airplane that I'm in using the Wi-Fi.

And so I haven't read anyone's excerpts except for Ludwig. Because when I was reading them, I had so much fun while I was reading them. And I was like, oh my God, I'll keep reading. And I got to one that was like this really sweet, nice message about Aiden. And it was just a write-up about like what he loves about Aiden. The whole section was just about that. And I was like, that's so sweet. I kept reading, and I got to the one about Slime. This is a trend now.

He has a whole write-up about Slime. I love you. And it's like, yeah, Slime, he's one of the funniest people I've ever met. He inspired me to do this. I'm like, that's so awesome. And then I got to page 73, and the book ended, and I didn't have one. And I was like i was like crushed i was like i was like why do i have one i'm not aiden that's what's the bit i don't care so i go to i go to ludden i'm like so i saw all your nice experts how come you didn't write one

for me do you not like me then he's like i wrote one for you and i'm like, so I saw all your nice experts. How come you didn't write one for me? Do you not like me? And he's like, I wrote one for you. And I'm like, no, you didn't. It's not in there. And he's like, yes, I did. And I'm like, no, you didn't. And he's like, how many were we supposed to do? And I said 73.

And he goes, I did like 80. And you're in the other side. Oh, my God. You're in the cutting room floor. So I will be in the season 2 book if we make it Cuz I change I've never seen it it might have it changed so it's originally like we're like Oh, we'll do the first year. Yeah, and then it was the first season We cut it off at like 50 initially

To extend it so that happened when it was when it was uh yeah you were the first 52 and then i put it in there dude right because the first way we broke the book up was the first year yeah 52 episodes but then we changed it to the when we move sets so if you want to see the three times i'll be nice to my friends it's in the book i can go right if it's not in there i just give a double loan it's really funny or or i'm so convincing that it's in there, but it's actually just like, yeah, next school. You know what I used to say is that the closest you actually can ever get to Ludwig personally is reading the video descriptions of his YouTube videos. That was where he used to actually say things.

No, I'm not kidding. Do you remember how they were? Do you do it anymore, Ivan? I did it like... You used to write and you were actually vulnerable in there. what are you even talking about why are you so defensive i don't even know what you're talking about i'm gonna pull up a random dude this is actually you're not gonna find shit you're not gonna find shit you're gonna find shit you're gonna look like you're gonna look like a fool all right twitter slash ludwig auger. All my descriptions are like, it just says, follow me on Twitter.

No, it's not. You said, so this is me and you eating everything at Taco Bell. Let's see what it says. Nothing. It says, how do you fucking do this, man? Use code Ludwig for Nord VPN. 5% off. Wow, that's pretty vulnerable of you.

I do get vulnerable with my sponsors. Oh, you don't have one for this one. I'm telling you, none of them have them, except for a few mogul males had them. No, no, no, no, no. This was way before you goddamn fucking idiot, fucking dumbass, fucking true not beater. You're not a true beater

like the rest of us. You're closer to me than them. I'm a true beater. You're closer to me than them. Yeah, but I'm still a beater. You said two weeks. True eater, you're hungry ass. It's a week beaten. I am a true beater, but I'm gaining weight, man. Dude, you look amazing. Shut up. I beaten. I am a true eater, but I'm gaining weight, man. Dude, you look amazing. Shut up. I'm almost at 200 pounds.

Close it back in. This is just the same as two years ago. You've always been riding the line of a stinky two. I know. It doesn't matter. But you're a stinky two, and it's a lot of muscle. Yeah, it's a different. It's a less stinky two than it used to be.

You look the best you've ever looked. You think? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think the best I ever looked was like four months ago okay i'm counting this year i've had a fun winter bulk and i've been getting big we've been eating dude so cutie been cheffing it up she feeds you big and you know i used to be really

good i just like anytime she makes something be like no no i don't want that shit i don't want to get big now get out of my face i'm really pissed off after she spends a hard day of working she spends all those those times popping the pimples on your back and you don't eat the fucking food you make what do you think we do pops the pimples on your back i got to clean back if you're this many years in and she's not popping the pimples on your back i think it's weak you're weak don't shake your i gotta clean back go you're this many years in and she's not popping the pimples on your back I think it's weak. You're weak. Don't shake your I got a clean back. No it's your back. Come on, man Okay, is it clean? I do see literally a pimple. Do you want me to pop it? It's so good I'll touch it. I just want to touch it. Just touch it right there. That's a pimple. Yeah, man. Oh fucker. Okay. Well, it's not clean

Harder than you thought she made the shit called crack Yeah, it's dead ass cold crack. She learned it from her uncle Reagan. Yeah, she learned it Is it the stuff that's like white powder dusted and it's like That's the dessert thing. It's dude. It's just like chocolate and caramel and graham cracker. Okay. And I ate 12 the other night. Oh. I just kept going.

It was a quick thousand calories to the skull. Actually, yeah. Why'd you get so nasty and big that night? I just don't eat it. Because every time I ate it while I was eating it, I was like, fuck, it's good. And so then when I went back, I was like, I wonder if it's still good. And every time it was still good. It's still good over here. It was still good. Yeah It's so good. That was always the hardest part of living with cutie

She'd make crazy shit, and she'd be like hey I made I made a giant cake does anyone want to eat it and you're just like the green goblin mask on the wall Come on And the most embarrassing thing is mr.. Beast gave me a bunch of feces yeah, and I've been like a fucking shill Nobody around I sneak a chocolate bar and I go home I average Show me your nasty shit right now. Oh, you're so beautiful. Your metabolism is crazy. I can't wait till you hit the wall. It's not metabolism. You just don't eat food.

It's because all he eats is a bowl of pho every day. If me and you got fucked up every night on cocktails and fucking whatever the hell. We start kissing. We start kissing a bit. Me and you? Yeah. I'm going to feel you up. From his perspective? No, he's feeling you up. Yeah, I'm there.

He's feeling you up. I'm not drunk. He's you up. I'm not drunk. He's not drinking. You're not drunk. He's a drink boy. Maybe I shouldn't be drunk. You're not drunk. You're just pinching Aiden's nipples.

I'm just pinching his nipples. I'm just pinching his nipples. I'm saying, eat another Feastable. They make him feel better for me. Rubbing his nipple with a chocolate bar. Saying, do you like what Jimmy cooked up for you? Mr. Beast has Aiden in nipple clamps.

Okay. And he can't leave until he eats a thousand Feastables. Oh. But the more he eats, the bigger he gets. Oh, that is awful.

The nipple clamps start to pinch harder. So the nipple, okay, yeah. I think you die. You don't. Yeah, I would. Wait, are the nipple clamps

tied to a car battery? Yeah. Because I think that'd be more appropriate. And he gets shocked if he stops yelling. He must scream. He must scream. But I have 24 hours to build materials around the car battery to protect it from the tanks

so that the car battery doesn't get shot. We're just actually leaking unpaid internship. He has a new show coming, Beast Games. Beast Games? Yeah. He got $100 million from, Beast Games. Beast Games? Yeah. He got $100 million from Amazon to make an Amazon. Dude, what? $100 million?

$100 million. Can you get us $100 million from Amazon? Can you get us like one? I don't know if I can. Can you get me a meeting with Amazon? You know what's crazy? Is my channel... Okay, yeah, I know what it is.

It is 2% the size of Mr. Beast's. Oh my god. That's it. And you're famous famous you'll never fucking make it it's such a hurtful thing to say well you just you gave me the numbers i said that to someone the other day i know you you said that's it i didn't mean it you did why don't you tell the folks at home that you're turning an old slime on i do turn into you when i play Valorant It's not healthy I'm playing I'm playing Valorant And I'm trying to hit diamond

And I'm still in gold That's crazy And I'm fragging out If you look at my MVPs 40% of them teams 10% match The other 50%, who cares? Okay. God bless you. And, uh, and I boot into a game and, uh, and I'm playing with stands.

And the first thing my opponent says, I'm streaming on a members only stream, very cozy environment. Only a couple thousand people watching. Yeah. First thing my opponent says is high LUD and that's it. Your opponent. Yes. Which you you hate to hear and i have streamer mode on so there's no way for them to know they're sniping so they're not they instantly are watching my stream yeah they say hi lud and so i just go bro because i'm sad now because i've entered a game where the person who i'm playing against has my stream up and then they go i'm not gonna snipe and then i'm like all right whatever game. Game goes on. Not that person. Another person does incredibly suspicious things. Like, they're just

wide-swinging weird shit. It feels like they could be sniping. Which maybe could have happened, because the first person said, hi, Lud, and they're like, oh, Ludwig? And then they realize you're streaming, and they pay a dollar. Which does happen. To see your stream. Yeah, and then they got RR. They got sweet, juicy RR. My shit's out,

because all my memorable streams, I put my shit out there. My damn putt on display. Your tiny, nasty shit? I put my tiny, nasty shit. Well, where else is it going to go? I got a month-long countdown, and that's when I beat my shit. I get up and make a little cowbell noise.

It's got the dog from Tom and Jerry's spiked collar on it. So anyway, I got all that going on. was seeing that but also where I am in the game And so doing such shit the game ends we lose no no surprise. I'm tilted. What's the score you remember? 13-7 okay, we lose it wasn't very close Yeah You know and and then right as the game ends the person who sniped or said they're watching my stream, who said they closed or whatever, they plug their shit.

They plug their shit. You hate it. You hate it. Twitch.tv slash Shark Penguin. Yeah. YouTube or whatever the hell their name was. Yeah. And instantly I see that.

I type back. I go, you'll never make it. No, you deserve to say that. You win. I said, you'll never make it. And then I laughed that i said you'll never make it and then i laughed maniacally and then i felt good you know what you know what's awesome you know what you get it wrong man is because you still have to inject sarcasm into it what you're supposed to say is you're gonna make it bro because because because you're you're clearly saying you should inject sarcasm no yeah

you should i was just being not yeah you were just being direct and saying you should inject sarcasm no yeah you should i was just being not yeah you were just being direct and saying you'll never make it but you'd be like you're gonna make it bro you're going to that's what i say when i lose in tekken no one beats me with fucking paul and they're also red rank i'm like you're gonna be a professional i can't wait till you win evo it's like you know what i mean well yeah but you know i was just hurt and i said something that i thought would make me feel better, which is not a nice thing to say. But it did make you feel better. It's not a nice thing to say.

It did. It's it. Admit it. It's unbecoming. Admit you liked it. It's unbecoming of a man like me. Admit you liked the cookie taste. This is what Brent Rivera would say.

I didn't realize they put this many chocolate chips in a cookie. Maybe a chef, too. I ate the shit Brent Rivera ate when he said Tyler R. Rivera had a tiny YouTube channel. This is a deep cut. You guys don't get it. Fuck off. Sure, sure, sure. But it felt good. The cookie felt good. This is a deep cut. You guys don't get it. Fuck off. Sure, sure, sure. But it felt good.

The cookie felt good. The cookie does feel good. What you don't, what, what, the cookie, the anti-cookie lobby will tell you that if you just wait a little bit until you're not mad anymore, like 10 seconds, you don't feel like saying it again. Yeah. But wait, there's more. There's more.

There's more. Because the calories came back up. there's more. There's more. Because the calories came back up. Because the next day, that guy posts on my subreddit an 18-paragraph apology. Yeah, I remember this.

I saw this. It is so long. It's funny because I didn't see the stream, but I saw the apology, and I'm like, something went down behind the paywall. You gotta remove the Reddit post. No promoing your channel in the subreddit.

And then he goes into defending his actions and what he did and sorry, and I don't want that What do you want? I want him to go away forever now get your points and leave me Not like die no no I know but you Maybe the idea of banning or blocking someone is the fact that you never have to engage with them ever again, right? Maybe the idea of banning or blocking someone is the fact that you never have to engage with them over again, right? Hmm, and maybe that's what a certain wise old uncle in your life You would have blocked him if you saw him in your chat I Time I timed him out cuz right after he won. i think he wrote i was the killjoy or whatever oh you didn't block you i timed him out for 40 days and i said that's what moses dealt

with or something and then and then he put that also in the apology that was part of it so i'm we're switching sides and then the people were rallying against me. I would figure out how to operate an AC-130 just to destroy his house. That's too far. No, I would do it. If you have access to military ordnance, you should be allowed to do that. You should be allowed to destroy the house of anyone. He's a little black and white guy, and then you're like... If you get cyberbullied, you should be able to AC-130 their house.

Dude, I found out, this is a quick aside, my dad drove a Saab growing up, and I loved his car Saab What's a Saab Saab is a Swedish brand of car if you can look up a Saab 95 invented all-wheel-drive There's a huge Institution or at least were until the crash we made all the wheels a turn In an oh wait they shut down forever Okay, and I thought they just went out of business as a company. Now can you look up Saab Fighter Jet? What?

It turns out that they're still a thriving company. They just make insane fighter jets in weapons of mass destruction. How fucking funny would it be to be driving a Toyota fighter jet? They definitely have some, right? I don't think Toyota makes fighter jets. You get the Rivian fighter jet. It looks like it's from a Pixar movie. Toyota was definitely around during the war

and they were definitely making fighter jets. I don't think this is... Look at Toyota fighter jet. I think you're right. Didn't they make planes way back when? No. I just don't think this is a thing they did. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait, wait, wait. Scroll. During World War II, did Honda... Oh, it's someone asking. Oh, a different company maybe? That one right there. I just don't think this is a thing they did whoa wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait 1932 and 1945. Or why H-Box's lineage is Argentinian. Wait, why is it? You don't know? Argentina was a safe haven country for Nazi Germany after they lost the war. So a lot of Nazis fled to Argentina and lived their life. Then why would he take the stand against Hitler's sick Falco?

And maybe that's what Hbox did to right the wrongs of his ancestors was to defeat Hitler in a best of seven. Yeah. Anyway, to the Killjoy, I bow down to you. You bow down? I bow down. I mean, you've given this person

more attention than they'll ever get, right? The Killjoy? That's what people get mad at me about. Because they're going to make it. You give so much attention. They're not going to make you believe You give so much attention to believe that. This might be the best case scenario of them

typing high Ludd in the alt chat. Right? Why do you hope they make it now? Because then I would get my comeuppance. Yeah, I kind of wish

that. Oh, you want punishment. Sometimes, no, yeah, I feel the same way. If I go off on somebody and they end up like getting it out the water, I actually am like,

you did it. Good job. Fucking, I feel like that's fair you know and i shouldn't be annoyed or pissed about that um but i'm glad you're because you're turning into me and i'm turning into you wait oh because i'm fucking i'm a stream legend dude my stream's fun my stream's fun everyone likes me you know how many people i have watching the goat yesterday how many people you have watching the goat yesterday? How many people you have watching the goat yesterday? I need a lot. 5k! 5k people watching me watch the goat.

Yeah, just natty. Just natty raw. Raw like your nasty little shit. We gotta take slime down. But you know what I'm saying? Like I- I understand if I just accept the idea that I can stream and I call myself a streamer It's way better. You know what A aiden nick hold me accountable okay because you you lived with me when i had 100 viewers yeah and you lived with me when i had subthumb viewers okay i lived with you yeah so did i was i walking around going stream legend in the building 5k natty baby i did it again no no no ludwig you said i could never do it i never said this you said I could never do it. I never said this. You said I could never be the biggest streamer in the world. You're.

What? Wait, hold on. You're not. I'm not. Did I say you could never be the biggest streamer in the world? Yeah, because I'm too old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right.

You can't be. You're. Go fuck yourself. You're getting 5K for watching the GOAT and Jinxy's getting 100K for actually beating his shit. Yeah. And getting high and just sitting at the table that was a very funny stream Jinxie's is beating on stream to 100k while his whole chat says yo pause ayo but they're all but they all stay but the only reason I'm I'm gloating about it is because you're the stream guy it's I get to be the guy who's like

I don't even play this game you know what I'm saying you do play this game I don't even play melee I don't even own a disc you do play guy who's like, I don't even play this game. You know what I'm saying? You do play this game. I don't even play Melee. I don't even own a disc. You do play this game. I don't own the disc. You play this game as much as everyone else does. Okay. But I like to have a little competition with you, man.

You're a big streamer, man. And you're getting mad and malding and losing your fucking mind. And I'm becoming you. Yeah, that's true. But the best parts of you. You still malt. When you eventually pass me in viewership, I put a bullet in my eyes in front of you Yeah, and I'll be like damn

success I mean like chat guess literally no one asked Yo, chat look can we put some sadges? Nick are you back to chest now? That Tyler one is me. You said that you would you fucking you kept swearing by oath I kept doing it cause he I did it like four times cause he kept passing me up 1700

that's a grind dude it is a grind I've been higher than he is now before so if he gets to 18 I'll do it for where he's at now what's your peak it's like 17 in? It's like 17. In rapid, it's like 17, 15 or something.

15? Yeah, something like that. And his is 17.5 right now. Yeah. So if he gets to 18, I throw my hat in. Well, not completely. What I said to Shake was if he gets to 18, I got to have a kid. I got to see if that's...

How would that help you? Well, he had a kid and he hit 17. I think it's just that... He just needs to do what Tyler does. would that help you well? Yeah, I can eat 17 Well, I think you see what Tyler does that one also like 300 pounds like yeah It's like he gets the dad strength of like my kid is at the end the other end of this chess game I have to save him you can shave your head like there's a lot of things Yeah, there's other things he has that he does to shave your head first the kid thing is like super committal You could just like squat large Thing I see that he

did recently i would love if you had a kid it'd be cool if you had a kid i think you i would hate his fucking kid you would hate my kid why would you hate his kid he has some little ass dumbass glasses and shit you think he comes out with tattoos yeah comes out with tattoos i can't beat you in basketball by age five i fucking i trained him his whole life to beat you in basketball by age 5 I train him his whole life To beat you in basketball I punt your kid like a fucking Like a sock-em-bopper We already had this conversation on this podcast before

But we need to all have kids So we can train them to fight each other My kid would destroy you fucking animals My kid would kill you guys too Your kid, no If there's any irony and karma in the world, your kid would come out a quivering, stupid, pussy nerd, and you'd have to love him anyways.

Because you hate nerd pussies. No, I would love my kid. You hate Doug, the cartoon. Your kid's going to come out as Doug or Hey Arnold. I hope your kid comes out singing My Hero. If my kid's a quivering, Doug-like pussy, of course I would love him. He'd be my kid.

But also, anyone can overcome that. That's the difference. He'll never we never will you never will it'll be his one downfall That's great. You're being so mean to my kid You just said you would punt my kid Yeah, cause he's fucking talking like this Cause he's talking all that good shit your ten-year-old kid wants to go see the newest Marvel movie and you and you're like He's a kid fuck it. Oh you want to see Marvel? Why? The story's fucking stupid and bullshit. Here, watch Blue Valentine.

He should watch it. He'd be like, this is what a mismatched relationship looks like. Don't ask about your mother. Your kid should be the worst boxer if I know anything from Disney Channel original movies

Why? Because you're going to teach him how to do it And he's going to hate it I just have a coach teach my kid He's going to quietly learn how to jump rope You guys have this idea that I'd be a fucking mean ass parent But it's the opposite I'd be the best parent ever

And you guys would be terrible fucking parents I'm sorry You can think you'd be a great parent without thinking we're terrible parents Explain both why you think you'd be great And why you'd be terrible fucking parents. Well, I'm sorry. You can think you'd be a great parent without thinking we're terrible parents. Yeah. Explain both why you think you'd be great and why you'd be terrible.

Class, Ludwig has a kid. Do you think he makes time for the kid? Oh, God. Yes. Bring him to basketball,

why don't you? Yeah, I would. It'd be a great thing to bring your kid to. I would. I'd bring my kid to basketball. What I'm saying is,

like, you don't make time for anything. What would really happen here is Ludwig would spend all of his time with his kid and you'd be like, how come you're always spending time with your fucking kid and not your friends? That's what actually happened. I don't believe that this would happen.

I think you would be so bad at managing your time with your kid that it would lead to a rift in the relationship. This is ridiculous. I've said this before. I'm documented saying this. I use the search engine. I think Ludwig would be a good dad. No. Okay. So an absent dad is a good dad. I'm not a search engine. I think let me be good dad. No.

Okay. So an absent dad is a good dad. I'm not going to be an absent father. I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there

except for the four months that I go to Japan. I'm going to say, sorry kiddo. I was going to say. I'm going to Japan for four months. He can't come.

Why can't he stay with you and Uncle Michael? Dad's got a work trip. If you want to call me, use this phone. And if mommy wants to call, tell her to use this phone. No, no, no.

Look, why would you be a great father? Because I think I have, I would be super understanding of what it's like to be a kid. And it's like, yeah, if he likes Marvel. If he likes Marvel, then fuck it. I'd be a good dad. I'd be a good dad because I've been a kid. I was a kid once. As a kid I'm not a kid As opposed to us who have skipped that phase

No but you guys think you're above it Above being a kid? We think we're above having been a kid? Yes In what way? I don't know We just experienced a technical difficulty Which is great Because it gets me out of this fucking traffic jam.

I was like, get your fucking phone down. And he must be solving the difficulty on his cell phone. Young man, get your fucking... You know what? I'm talking to your fucking father. I'm texting Zipper. You're texting Zipper? Oh, you're texting Zipper.

Oh, yeah? Zipper, did you get a text? No text. Whoa, no text. He doesn't even want to cover for your dumb ass. Zipper famously a narc. Yeah. Famously, famously.

Narcing on Aiden is okay. We've all said this. That's fine. Look, TLDR. Face the consequences. My kid is going to be very loved if I ever have one, which I won't. Your kid's going to be 5'4". That's fine.

Like, forever. That's okay. Like, a narc on Aiden is 13. You're trying to turn this into a joke he said forever he's gonna come out five four i would love my five four kid and i'd be like it's okay it's okay you don't even have a problem with it he's gonna tell him it's okay we'll get you the bone surgery if you want but i don't care can we can we can we talk about the elephant that's not in the room is that nick smells like he wore perfume today i want to talk about the elephant that's not in the room? Is that Nick smells like he wore perfume today?

I want to talk about that later. I want to talk about it now. Is that a bad thing? It's fine, but why perfume? Do you smell nice? Let me come around. It's wearing cologne? It's perfume. Smell it.

Wow. Right? You really grab it on. Ludwig also smells nice. Is it not like... I feel like he's trying to fuck me. You smell like you're trying to fuck him. Ludwig also smells nice. Is it not like... Like, I feel like he's trying to fuck me. You smell like you're trying to fuck him. I do?

You smell like the great fairy fountain. Okay. Wow. I'm going to tell that to my barber. You did lead the episode today talking about how you wanted to hold me. Smooch me. You smooch his nipples.

That's a lot. That's a me and you thing. You guys are horny today. What the fuck happened? I'm not. No, no, no, no. I'm in guys are horny today. What the fuck happened? I'm not. I'm not. No, no, no, no. I'm in the least horny.

You know why I'm in the least horny? Because I beat three day ago. Dude, we actually, we had a conversation recently with Cutie on the ride home from the Lakers game. And she was saying how she's listened to every art episode. And I think we maybe asked her, what's your least favorite art episode ever? She thought about it. She said, oh, I know exactly which one. I was like, which one?

She's like, the one where slime's horny. I deny this to this very day. You do. To this very day, I don't, I do not think I was being harmed. I don't think it's one. Alright, let's talk about the elephant on the room. What the fuck is this? What is the elephant not in the room? We don't have a woman this week.

Yeah, we put in our time. Dude, don't call them an elephant. You did call them elephants. Jesus. That's the phrase, man. It's the phrase. Which one of them is the most elephant-like? If the woman entered the room, would the elephant be in the room? The most elephant-like is Lily because she's a Republican. Next question. No, this is true. Next question. You gotta watch the Tekken streams. She really does speak her mind. She lets it rip when she loses a ditto. We don't have a woman this week. You said we put in our time. Is that right? Yeah, dude.

Did we not have two women? Well, we originally thought about it. We were talking about it offline. We were like, what if we have a woman every week and then we don't run out? We damn ran out of girls. There's actually none left. We went through all of them Yeah

There's nothing wrong with that I didn't tell you guys one thing What dude Fuseli said she was down to do the pod Really Yeah I didn't follow up Dude Why didn't you follow up

Cause I was like Why can't us fellas just hang out You know like You think she'd You think she'd fuck up the vibe I'm not saying she'd fuck them up specifically Like I'm not saying Fuseli would fuck up the vibes. You'd say Leslie

might decimate the vibes. I just wanted fellas, not Fuseli's. You know what I mean? Is that too much? That sounds like... You sound like you're... It's a slistler.

It's when you say it that way. Yeah, Fuseli's or fellas? I don't even want to say the way you're saying it. I want to learn from this. What are you beefing with these people for, man? These people are women?

Yeah. I'm not. You kind of kicked this off with getting mad at Cutie for making you dinner, and then you're leading with this. Like, wait. I think you have a problem. Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is wrong.

I don't agree with this. Start saying the answer. Get us out. And then you introduce Nick as the misogynist every week. This doesn't even make any damn sense because first off, I'm non-binary. Dude. Hold on, I'm sorry.

You have flag on the plane. I'm sorry. Whatever I did, I did it. Prezzo has run an insane campaign. Yes. I don't know if it's for or against you. I don't know if it's a smear or a fluff. I think it's just for Twitter likes.

Sure, but some people aren't liking it very much. Well, yeah, people are mad at him and then also believing him and then also laughing with him. And he basically just tweeted out all caps. Ludwig came out non-binary. Like he tweets when he gets into Harvard. Yeah, yeah. And it got like fucking a million impressions. That is so funny.

And it got like fucking a million impressions. That is so funny. And then he tweeted a follow-up, which is people on my subreddit being like, wow, what was this post about? And then people are like, it's just stupid fucking Prezzo. And then there's a follow-up post that was like, and I didn't like his editing in the most recent unpaid intern. They always go for the fucking throat. They find one thing wrong with how you feel or finding out about a mangaka's name, and then they just fucking- And then they find out about your fucking family. That's different.

That's different. HOW IS THAT DIFFERENT?! It just feels like you're not- Dude, you're doing the thing- You're smoking balls. You're doing the thing where you throw in your bad example and then try to- I'm just- I'm just-

I'm just- You are not the same. Are you the same? Would you say you and Prezzo are the same? Dude, yeah. Prezzo has the gay shield, though. You put out one bad tweet, or you put a hammer in someone's wall. You do one little thing, and everyone thinks you're the fucking devil. Well, someone in the subreddit wrote, wow, the rumors about Prezzo must be true.

Oh. Which is just a funny thing to say. Guys, I think Prezzo's gay. I don't know what the rumors are. They could be anything, though. We could make them up. Yes. And I thought it was a funny thing. And then I replied, the rumors are true, slanty face.

Jim Halpert face. That's really funny. But people took that as, I'm non-binary. And a bunch of people were like, dude, congrats. And then I corrected it, but no one saw the correction. Because everyone just wanted to see that and beat them. Oh, just kidding. I play fantasy football.

So there are some odds, hundreds, if not thousands of people who think I'm non-binary. I'm not. Yeah, that is a bit stolen valor. It is stolen valor. Yeah. Semper Frag I apologize Prezzo he really does he shoots first and he asks questions later again much like myself I respect him and his crime

did you just come to that conclusion now? just now we are the same because you guys were making fun of me we are the same and David Prezzo is my spirit animal. Do you think Prezzo would be a good dad? Oh, God. Okay.

Don't even answer that. I don't know. Before we were hiring Prezzo Frump, I didn't turn out a meeting with him where he used the term F-slur. Instead of saying it, he said F-slur. Okay. And I stopped the meeting. I was like, what was that?

Do you realize how you normally talk? You think you can just not rip it down? And he said, well, this is a business meeting. Also, what was the context? I don't remember. We were just talking about stands? Come on. Girl.

Come on, man. We have to give this signed off by 9 out of 10 gays. I don't have enough street cred to okay that. I need to go to the panel. The show will be hosted by Ludwig. He's like, mm-hmm. It's like in stands. It was like an outburst.

It was like an outburst. I like the idea that Prezzo is more professional in a business meeting. Well, you should be. I'm not, but you should be. No, you're professional. Am I? Yeah, you get professional. Do I talk different in a meeting, too? You do talk different.

I hate his meeting cadence. Oh, my God. Because he sounds like he was just looking at his phone for 10 minutes, which he usually was. He's like, uh, you have any ideas on that? And then he'll kind of pause and be like,

put it down. You're, you're me. I think that it's a good idea. It's just, uh, we want to be worried. We want to be careful about this.

And it's like, dude, you have two, you have two meeting. If you want, if you, if you want to be somewhere else versus if you don't want to be somewhere else, they're different. If you want to be somewhere else, you're like, that's dumb.

We should just do this. All right, let's go. Let's do it. All right, bye. And you get out. Oh, the bye. And then if it's the first one, if you want to be there, you think it's funny that everyone needs you. So you'll be like, what's up, gang?

I don't know. Maybe we just cook the book. Do something that makes everyone mad. That's where don't play ball for less than a rack comes from. But then the problem with the other one is he's giving you a more straightforward answer, but you know there's a non-zero chance that a month later from now, he's going to want to

change that decision. Name seven decisions I reversed. Ownership of the yard. That's one. I reversed that. Yeah. Yep He doesn't remember so you can just make you can just make something up make isn't that funny that you didn't remember that one I remember that so how many have fallen by the wayside the one with with the water balloon. Remember that? Those water balloons? You remember that? Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah, water balloons.

That was almost a fight. The one where Ross gets a monkey? Well, okay, we have... You know what, man? You know what I've realized is we have a weekly meeting and it's with all employees at Mogul. And it's every Friday

and we all hop on a call except for Nick. Sometimes he misses them. Wait, I'm off, Brent. You miss the meetings. Yeah, I don't go to mogul meetings anymore. Anna does. I don't. Do you want him to go? You should communicate. My days are all meetings

now at off-brand. I'm not going to the mogul meetings. Yan goes. Anyway. That's crazy that Yan goes. This is the meeting, and then everyone has the fucking mute button held, and it's the fucking Ludwig show, and I just gotta talk about- about you're

in charge of the company that's what the all-hands is talking about whatever the fuck like yeah I'm doing a video this week about like drinking a bunch of alcohol and then like flying a plane in a simulator and then a question for you who else would be talking in the mogul moves all hands meeting I'm not done okay and then I'll go Nick Allen you got any wise things to say? He does say that. And I'll just go, nope. And then I'll be like, alright, any questions,

concerns? And then it's the worst part of my week is the 15 seconds after I say that. I know what you mean. Where nobody says a peep and they all just want to get the fuck out of there. You have to wait because some people think of something. And so everybody's just quiet. And last week was even worse because it was quiet.

And then Cam goes, so we playing basketball this weekend? I'm like, don't do that here. You know what you do, Ludwig? I can solve this problem because I also don't like that silence. As on the bench. And what you do is you say, all right, guys, five second countdown. Does anyone have anything to say? You give it a countdown and you just let it go you you basically you say there's going to be five seconds chime in and then you know it's over right

instead of just like waiting for that the silence i think the all hands should only happen if more than five people accept the meeting well there's always more than five yeah yeah but you should make it a rule that you must accept the meeting and calendar and if we don't accept it we don't have to do it well i see that phrasing right there already made me mad as a professional he said he said didn't have to do it yeah he doesn't do it it's a have to now i'm i'm weirdly on your side on thank you yeah you just explained how almost nothing of value happened in the whole i didn't say nothing of value because oftentimes this thing comes up where you guys don't know what I'm doing. And not you guys anymore

because you're not a part of Mogul, but people in Mogul don't know what I'm doing. You could just make a Slack post. I like the meeting. Whoa. Meeting's good. Do you like the meeting?

You be honest. Yes. You be honest in front of God and all of our friends. It's a good check-in. It is pretty short and to the point. You talk.

You walk us through so all parts of the company know kind of what's going on in the all parts of the company know kind of what's going on in the other parts of the company and i think this is a good meeting and this awkwardness you feel or the pause that you're describing that's just that's just what being a you know being a project manager is he's been in a lot of meetings and probably more than any of us i've led more meetings like this in my than anyone than Than anyone in the world. Actually, he means a lot. He's a lot.

Well, you got a head start because you were at fucking Smash GG leading meetings like a little weirdo. This is maybe... Leading these cock and ball meetings

is what I've done since forever. Forever. That's why I defer to a true beater on this. Yeah. He's our beater. I have a question, Buzz.

What, Dubbin? I don't know if I asked this last week, so if I'm repeating, let me know. Jubbing. Did we talk about the phrase, on the tip? Yeah, we did. We did. At length. Okay. I don't think it has a sexual origin. We talked about the tip at length. I'm team non-sexual

origin on that. Alright. I've just, I've been still thinking about that, because I keep saying it in meetings. Tip, length, damn. I do wonder the alternate reality in which you didn't, like, you know, hire human beings, right? Let's say it was just still you, me, radstads, fucking and sucking in a triangle. Why do you think it'd be radstads? Because he was the third employee. He was the only other one.

Shake. But Shake had edited it for him already, right? Oh, I see. Oh, so you cut the contractors out. You don't want them to have say? Yeah. No, we don't. Because they're like fake people. Yeah. They are! They them to have say. Yeah. No, we don't. Because they're like fake people. Yeah. They are.

They're like little plastic figurines. Do you think that's how Graham from Ice Coffee Hour feels? Does he have a bunch of contractors? I don't know. I just saw the argument at the end of the, not the argument. It's a pretty cordial conversation. But I just listened to your whole new Ice Coffee Hour episode. Because I listened to the first one.

Because I listened to Dupin interviews. He's an Ice Coffee Hour guy. What the fuck? He's an Ice Coffee Hour. It's a podcast with Graham Stephan about. Who the fuck he's doing? He's a nice coffee hour. It's a podcast with Graham Stephan about... Who the fuck is Graham Stephan? He's like a money YouTuber. Graham doesn't like your co-op idea.

He doesn't like my co-op, bro. And he would push back on the co-op idea, which is fine. I think you can have disagreements about that, but I was like, why don't we see how Graham feels about unions? Yeah, right? It's only one step closer. so what i was trying to say is that

if you the alternate reality in which you don't like hire people and it's just like dubbing dubbing incorporated but you're just a single man like most of these youtubers like a one person small team or whatever what is your life like now because you you have admitted that you feel this crushing responsibility like you got nine dogs and they can't take care of each other they can't take care of they're so bad it doesn't make sense there's nine I know and it doesn't

make sense so he's constantly trying to teach them to take care of each other and they can't so like what would you what do you think you'd be doing be so rich you would have so much more money. I would have so much more money. He would have so much more money.

Imagine him, he does everything, but drop the events and drop the employees. You just have so much money. I have so much money. The events lose you money. Yeah, it's crazy. You're actually a deep eight-figure man. If you don't. Dude, it'd be me, you're a deep eight figure man. If you,

it'd be me, train wreck, and Aiden Ross. It'd be called Lud Bull. Oh my God, man. I'd have my own. I'd have my own.

I'd be fucking, ooh man, I'd be doing crazy shit. If you didn't have ambition to do bigger things and just continue to, you know, be,

to be a true beater. To keep doing member only stroking streams. I'd be farming be a true beater to keep doing member only stroking streams I'd be farming subs I'd be like chat I know this isn't gonna last forever so I'm trying to make as much as I can while I can I'd be sitting at my bank account at 20 mil yeah I'd just beat

my shit senseless I actually had a related realization when I was listening to the ice coffee hour podcast is do you even know how I actually had a related realization when I was listening to the Ice Coffee Hour podcast. Do you even know how much money you make from the yard? No. That's crazy. Is that real?

I don't know how much I make. That's insane. This is from the old days, too. He just never knew what the number in his account was. Guys, I have a great idea. Go on. It would be criminally easy to steal from you. Famously, I'm criminally easy to steal from.

I'm very scammable, and I'm very trusting, and you guys could ruin me. You could. But you know what happens if you ruin me? What? Your feelings hurt. Trickle down. I kill you. It trickled down.

You don't kill me. I kill you. If we ruin the top You don't kill me. I kill you. If we ruin the top of the pyramid, the pyramid. No, he's at the bottom of the pyramid. Yeah. We ruin the bottom of the pyramid. It's the foundation. He's our bottom bitch.

He's our bottom bitch. The whole shit goes falling down. This whole house of fucking cards falls down. Yeah. And your stream's fucking gone. No, my stream's gone, bro. Your stream's gone, bro. My stream pops, dude. If there's a's gone, bro. My stream pops, dude.

If there's a tournament, I pay for the stream rights, the re-stream rights. I watch the goat. People watch the shit out of me. It's fucking cheat codes, bro. Did you throw Collision a little dough? Yeah, they charged me. Nice. Which was fine.

It's funny. They negotiated against themselves. They were like, here's what we thought. Here's what we charged to re-stream for Sunday. But you and Aiden are the homies, so we want to make sure it's a good price. They gave us friends and family? That's so funny. Because if anything, they should charge us more.

I know. And I said, that's fine. That's a fine amount. I'm not going to. RJ, please don't undercharge us because we're the homies. Also, never negotiate against yourself. Can you send it as friends? In one message.

Can you send it as friends and family? So there's no ding. This is why Smash Mournings make no money. I know. Against yourself message you send it as friends and family This is why smash rings make no money I know their sales I thought the same thing I was like dude I literally said to him it is a privilege for me to sit and play with my little ass shit and be able to watch The tournament that you guys made that's RJ. Yeah That's weird sit up in the meeting on the webcam. I'm saying look. Look at this little tiny ass little ass thing. It looks like a door stop. What do you think of our nasty shit right next to it?

I'm asking Connor to press next to it. No don't look away on the camera. We're actually, we're doubling it. Oh my god. No, Otto's right here. Did you guys see? It was at like an Arclight or a theater or something. Some guy went to go see a movie

and in front of him in the like the row below him it was one of those like comfy theaters and this guy is just passed out like after the movie and he's got his pants down and he had all head no shaft he was beating his shit he's got like he's got like a fucking half a joint uh like some vodka good life yeah and it's just like and his cock's just out and this guy's like yeah he fell asleep during the movie beating his shit he took a pic of him yeah he took a pic of him oh my god and it's and dude it's all head literally zero shaft when i say when i say this in a blunt that is what i'm talking about and then the next picture because it got it like went viral on twitter it was like jesus christ and then the next picture, because it went viral on Twitter. It was like, Jesus Christ. And then the next picture was the cops coming into the movie theater.

Did that pass out? He was done. Yeah. Dude, he wakes up. Oh, what happened? I didn't do any of this. All I did was have a fucking sip of soda. But you can't see his face.

But I'm just imagining that guy just being such a gross person. And then your meat just getting plastered all over the internet. You know what I found out? You know that meme where the guy is like in a school classroom and he says to a girl like, Hey, do you know, have you heard of fucking skibbity toilet? I forget what he says. And then it flips the camera and it shows his face. He looks fucking crazy.

He has a giant forehead. What does he say again? What's the line? I know what you're talking about, though. Zipper, can you look up alien forehead camera flip guy? Anyway, that... Give me a toilet alien forehead. This guy... The computer just starts smoking.

You'll recognize him instantly. But I found him the human behind it he was just like replying to it going viral again and he was like he was like hey this is me

I'm 16 lol I don't look at skibbity toilet it's not it's not skibbity it's not skibbity no I forget the line it's like fucking

fortnite burger foot lettuce honestly the worst thing about the tiktok era is that you just can't find shit it's hard it just goes away into the ether.

You have to bookmark. This is, you know, and if fucking, you know what people do is they use me. They use Dubbin. They just DM me all the things they want to say. That's disgusting. So many people do this. I would block them frame one. No, that's stupid.

No, I think they're- Here's what I do. I wait. I wait till they've built up a great library and then I block them. And then they can never access them again Yes they fucking can They still can Yes they can

No you can't Dude yes Message history goes away No it doesn't Have you ever been blocked? Yes Block your dumbass right now Block my dumbass right now

Pussy boy Don't Well don't be like aggressive about it I'll block you I'll block your sweet little Message history definitely does not go away right? It definitely goes away Uh block

If you If you block someone Okay I blocked you Open up our DMs I can't even DM anymore Just open up your DMs Your history definitely does not go away, right? It definitely goes away. Block. If you block someone. Okay, I blocked you. Open up our DMs. I can't even DM anymore. Just open up your DMs. Your DMs. Okay.

I'm on it. Can you not message your... Fucker. Can you not message yourself on Instagram? Oh, my God. Oh, why is it blurred? Dude, his meat is so funny looking. Why is it blurred?

But yeah, this was it. You can see all the shit on the is it but yeah this was it you can see all the shit on the side dude this guy's living la vida loca this rules he's got he's got every vice available to to mankind it's like he also has the the jacket like he was using it to hide what he was doing yeah he was hiding his beat session a true beater but no yeah and then the next one is the cops like walking into the theater, which is so fucking funny. Dude, taking a picture of that guy is so funny. You just notice that and you're like, I got a snap one. Hold on.

I'm unblocking you. Can you unblock me on Twitter? Yeah. Can you follow me again? Can you unblock me on Twitter, man? Please be mad. I'm a dog dude. You're good to handle it, man.

Duping. Dude, you know how we talked about Goatsy on the last episode of Tons? Yeah, we did do that. Yeah. It was a big, big old Goatsy section. Yeah, we had a section about it, yeah. Goatsy section? He that yeah big big old goatsy section yeah we had a section about yeah a goat c-section he's a norwegian that's what my mom had zipper three zipper three uh what like had never heard of it before and have never seen it which

is not surprising didn't encourage this by the way she's listening to the episode and she's like i think i need to see it yes and i was like i don't think you do wait you showed zipper three no no i said don't let me show you she's like i got this and she's and she's like no i i think i do and then some time passes she doesn't she doesn't text me at all and then later in the day i get a text and at this point i've forgotten that she had initially mentioned it at all and she sends me a message with like a picture in invisible ink you know and as a as a as an interested boyfriend because sometimes you know what that means.

And then I'm like, oh, cool. I just finished a Valerie game. You get to play a little beat-up. I open my real invisible ink message. Dude, it's goat seeds. The guy's running his asshole. Dude, she rules. And then your little tiny-ass little meat's already out. It's already out.

Oh, fucking A. Sesh is a sesh. I was like, oh, god! Let's rock! It's unbelievable, because I had forgotten what it looked like, because I've only seen the Mario version for so long. Yeah. I haven't seen the original since I was like a child. Yeah, it's a third of a soccer ball. I can't- I'm not good at visualizing stuff in my head. I can only get vague images.

Really? But I can just see the color. Oh, yeah. It's just so red. Like color. Oh, yeah. It's just so red. Like a swatch on a wall. It's just so red. Yeah, I'm thinking of painting my house like a mod Goethe. We're thinking Goethe in the nursery, and then like a lavender for the sunroom.

Some pale goat for the baby room? That's pretty... She's a true beater for that one. You know what she does too she talks about how uh how you two throw cheerios into it she just she's just oh me yeah me and her me and her all we do is just roast you yeah it's so fun she says this she she'll be like i texted slime today and i'm like about what and she's like you don't need to know she just loves bringing it up you know what

it is she it's it's actually very sweet because I'll send her a picture of you that I'm making fun of you And then she'll send a similar picture. She sent me this one Which is just a hidden looking like a fish and you do look a bit like a fish there I do look like a fish also. Is it raining it is fuck look like a fish also is it raining it is fuck what'd you do his windows are down and then uh and then i wrote my bye i'll be like he's a fish or i said he's a fishy and then you know what she says and i'm glad he's not here for this the cutest little fishy oh so she's very sweet i don't want a huge melee section of this pod but i do want to point out that we might have been the cause of the goats lost this weekend. This weekend?

Because of basketball. Because he had a damn thing to do. Oh, because his pinky. Yeah. I think, you know what really were the cause of the goats downfall? Yeah. It's from Scuff World Tour, man. Okay, let's first off, let's-

I don't- We can't stop fucking denying this shit. Let's just at least talk about the facts, which is that Mango came to play basketball. Yep. And then in a possession, somebody, I won't say who, jams his pinky. Was it Aiden? No, it was not Aiden. We've been trying to jeopardize Mango's fingers for a long time.

Everyone knows my story. And jamming your finger, he was bad. He had a splint on. Who? Who did it? I don't want to say. Say it. I think we should say.

Are they in the room right now? I'll let Aiden narc. Are they in the room right now? I'll let Aiden narc. Are they in the room right now? You let him narc because you don't want to narc but you want to narc. I won't narc. If he wants to narc

he can narc. Okay. So he jams his fucking pinky he puts a splint on it and then he said the whole week I get hurt playing. Yeah.

Just because you have to wrap around. Dude I'll get Aiden to narc so easy. Oh yeah. You think he'll narc? Well I don't think he I will get him to narc.

There's no reason for him not to narc. I don't think he'll narc. He will narc in two seconds. I don't think he'll say. I don't think I will get him to narc there's no reason for him not to narc I don't think he'll narc he will narc in two seconds I don't think he'll say guys does he does he care about narking I will put a five dollars

I bet what is this shit it'll be so easy I get that wait one condition you can take it back for a second one condition I get to ask him the question

five dollars I'm so confused what incentive does he have not to narc what do you what do you what do you fucking think the incentive to? What do you have this fucking thing? Justice but he doesn't fucking care. I think he doesn't have any sense of justice about this. No, he doesn't fucking care at all

Okay, why are you not he's a fucking proud beautiful man. It was himself wasn't it? That's why it's why I didn't say that Yeah, that's why that's the only reason it's not that It's not well, okay So then and then I said that's way too much mayonnaise That's the only reason. It's not that. It's not shh. Well, okay. He's going to come back. Shut the fuck up. And then I said, that's way too much mayonnaise. Oh, man. I'd be my little shit.

Oh, man. Prezzo has got to be stopped. He's got to be stopped. We were talking about basketball. Who jammed Mingo's finger? Who's to say? Who's to say? Oh, God. Who's to say? Who's to say? Who's to say? Good point.

It could have been anybody probably. I guess it could have been, anyone could have done it. Yeah, it could have been. There's shakes got a track record of Jamie's people's fingers. He's done it before. He's done it before. He's done it before. Blood's telling me it's you.

Yeah, it's me. That's unfair! All I said is I get to ask the questions. I just feel like... We bet if you would narc or not. It was so clear who did it from what you were saying. Because he has no reason to say otherwise unless it's him. I didn't think he would.

Wait, is it narking if it's myself? No. That's why it's a self-narc. You've never heard of a self-narc? It's more like he's admitting. You caused Mango to get fifth I did I thought about this the more me now. I passed the torch. I feel so bad Yeah, this is it the ink moment is over. I am now the criminal dude I fucked up his pinky his pinky was like bent and shit fuck. I was actually I was worried

He said he to be mochi we learned that's the death Oh, yeah, stop falling on Twitter too after that? Because his tweets are annoying? Yeah, because he's going live. Why do I need to know that? Why do you need to know that? No, I wouldn't unfollow my friends. Daaaah! Oh, yeah, we were-

Back then... Anyway, what was your fucking scuffed world? Dude, scuffed world tour, it forced Mango to go, and then he lost, and then he spiraled. And then the following year, it was Dr. Mario. You think it's men tail? I don't know man. Men with tails sign me up. What? He's cooking.

Is he talking about Jason Alexander? I said that. Jason Alexander? Well yeah the goat unfortunately has an injury due to Aiden. Yeah. You also didn't blow in his throat.

What? I was so relieved, so relieved, when people who knew more about medicine than I did told me that would have been a terrible thing to do. When he had to blow in his throat. Oh, right, right, right. I think about that all the time. That was so fucking funny, man. Oh, my God, I'm just begging you to blow in his throat dude. It was like a fucking you alone

It was like a Seinfeld episode. I was actively warned not to order it But this actually was my fault and that's what makes it feel shitty. Will you blow on his throat now? Blow on his throat to make his pinky better. To make his pinky better? Yeah. I'll suck on his pinky. He fixes it. I imagine Megan hearing that would be like, you better suck on my pinky.

Better do it. I met a guy a couple days ago outside of a coffee shop. And he came by and he was like, are you Nick from The Yard? I'm like, yeah. And he's like, I just moved to LA today today you're the first famous person i've met here yeah and i just started laughing i was just like oh brother there's there's a disproportionate idea of like what la is like because he comes here like his first day. He sees someone he recognizes. And I was like, that's crazy, man.

Have a nice day. Imagine you see Scott the Waz coming out the fucking, coming out of Jumbo's clown room. That's lit. Titties all over his face. I met Ben Savage. Really? No fucking way. I was pumped.

When? I was just at a fucking diner. And in walks Corey Matthews himself yeah and QD's like I think that's Corey Matthews when was this this is like

maybe two weeks ago no shit and I and I instantly was like oh I would

I'm playing this exactly how the best interaction I've had was played on me okay and so the first thing I do is I I check to see if it's him cause I haven't seen him yet the first thing I do is I check to see if it's him. Because I haven't seen

him yet. The first thing I do is I go That was me. That was me when me and you walked on the flight with Dennis Prager. So cutie, there's something fucked up with the side of my head or something. I don't know. She's like give a rash. So she starts to film it. But she keeps like

fucking filming it and it looks like she's taking a picture of him. And I put her phone down. You said, woman? I said, not here. I said, not here. And then I take a very slight peek. I did it really well. I didn't make any eye contact.

I'm like, yep, that's fucking Ben Savage. And then I don't do a single, I don't look him up. I don't double check. I just, I'm confident. I eat my meal. I ignore his existence until right before i leave and i go hey man i just want to say i fucking love your work and then i walk out and then and then as i'm walking he goes he stops me he goes dude well thank you man that's like that's dude

thank you so much that's super nice have a good day like you too dude that's what you gotta hey you said by the way uh youtube.com slash lovewig Ogren. I dropped a business card. I said, if you ever do you left, you lose. He said, and then he tells you, you'll never make it. If you ever want to level up, throw him the card. He said, Ludwig, let's change the world this summer. Let's change the world. Let's shift the paradigm. Was it at that one restaurant we ran into each other at?

No. Different one? No, it's just that. That one restaurant, there's always people at that one. Yeah, all those celebs. There's definitely places you can go. I did this exact thing thing with john c reilly when i saw him in a coffee shop and it was not he he looked like he didn't want to talk to anyone and i was like yes sir yes chef well i've had that too because i walked by jack black and he looked like he was on a mission he

wasn't going every step i'm like yeah I get it I get it You have this new Kung Fu Panda coming out But he looked He was like head down He looked like He just crawled out of a cave And I was like alright Don't

Maybe don't fuck with him right now He's like lewd Yeah lewd He just knows me Leedy Leedy And I was like Jablowski

Jails He had a fucking Walking stick I was like You can get your walk on. You have a walking stick? Yeah, he does little hikes, like a hiking stick. Not like a fucking cane.

Like a fucking hobbit? Not like a walking stick. Chill on Jack Black, bro. Walking sticks aren't weird. You're getting weird. It takes shit off the joints. You're getting weird on his walking sticks. I'm not getting weird.

I love Saving Silverman. You guys have never even fucking seen it. I want to hear some shit. What the hell is even that about? What is that? I watched love Saving Silverman. You guys never even fucking seen it. I want to hear some shit. What the hell is even that about? What is that? I watched the Saving Silverman. Not Saving Silverman. I watched the Sarah Silverman show.

That's. There we go. That count here? There we go. That count? Not even close. That count? Well.

Saving Private Ryan. I watched that movie where she plays a little girl in an animated feature. We're not talking about Sarah Silverman. I've just seen it. I've seen it. I've seen that movie. We've seen movies. I don't remember what've just seen it. I've seen it. We've seen that movie. We've seen movies. I don't remember what it's called, but I've seen it.

It's not turning red, but it's on tip of my tongue. Okay, yeah, that's so fun. Do you guys keep a letterbox? I've been a little letterbox addict. You've been writing reviews? No. He's so late, bro. We've been on letterbox.

I mean, I wrote one review and never again. We've been letterboxing. I like categorizing and giving the movies numbers yeah i i want i want to fucking smoke a blunt freak my shit and fill a letterbox at every movie i've seen that i can remember enough to rank it's fine i just started this process that actually might be a good so much work it's not that hard fuck you just go by here you just go you just go to the wiki and you do movies in America Because the amount of foreign films you seen is probably like not only like under that's almost most of them right right You're school so it's about 50,000 less movies you've seen

Yeah, it's only like four and then you just go through and you just really scroll when you see when you recognize you put it I I want to do it. I've I've actually started journaling. That's right, right? No way I've actually just started journaling. That's where I write. No way. I journal every day. You journal? What are you journaling for? Every day, morning and night. I hate this writing. Because he's doing it for a fucking reason that pisses me off. What's the reason?

What's the reason it pisses you off? What do you need to journal for? I want to journal for two things. To express gratitude. To who? To myself. Oh, good. I'm not saying who? to myself oh good not like

I'm not saying graciousness to myself I'm expressing it for me to acknowledge it thanks Ludwig for another great day no I'm expressing gratitude

for things in my life other people in my life you really tried our hardest today but to myself good beats Ash Ludwig you're you're on the journal it's all like

one minute 45 seconds signed a true beater there's a stain under it just to clarify I am expressing gratitude Ludwig, you're a journalist. You're in the journal. It's all like one minute, 45 seconds. Signed, a true beater. There's a stain under it. Just to clarify, I'm expressing gratitude about my life and other people in my life. Yeah, okay. But just to myself. I'm not expressing it to them.

I'm expressing it to myself. It's not for other people. I wouldn't tell you if you're in there. I'm not part of your life? You could be in there. You could be in there. I'm not telling anyone if they're in there. I'm not interested whether or not you're in there. It's not for you to know.

Do you have a little lock? Do you know what you can go to? It's on my phone. Is there a little lock? It's on your phone? Yeah I'm not writing fucking pen and paper you god damn old piece of shit Send it back waiter. I used to go I used to go to this thing

called gratitude group. Okay Well how old? Hm? What year? No this is in the past year Yeah you put all your keys in a big jar, and then whoever you pull one out- Yeah, I went with zipper three, like, probably like four or five times. What are you doing in gratitude group? And you show up at this park, and you bring a journal, and then they do like a- you like lay down, and you listen to some- some bowls, and you just chill for a bit. Oh, I hate this.

You do that for like 20 minutes. Sound healing. Uh, and maybe- The shit. Some people are more into it than others i think i just find the sound of the bowls relaxing i just like the bowls i just like the bowls i'm here for the bowl wait what i'm not okay what word are you saying bowls it's like the b-o-w-l-s they have these like like crystalline like fucking stick things and you hit the bowl and it makes a sound

you know when you dip your finger in the water at the restaurant and you go around the wine glass and it goes like, oh! Yeah, and then fucking the Aphex Twin starts playing. But Aiden's there and he just goes to the bowls and they're like, journal time, and Aiden's still at the bowls. Did you ever put pho in the bowl? But then, eat the bowl? You could, they wouldn't let me.

That's a good pho size bowl there. That's a good pho sized bowl there. The bowl's probably filthy. That's okay. I bought my own bowl. But you brought your journal, and they give you prompts, gratitude prompts, and then you write, and it's just an allotted time with all these other people at the park, and then you can choose upon the guy running it to share bits and pieces of what you wrote with the group.

And it's just nice. It's chill. and pieces of like what you wrote with the group and it's just nice it's chill i think there's some you know people who are in denial of western medicine there if you know that's probably like that's probably like 15 of the people yeah just say they're anti-vaxxers but you'd say but i enjoyed going it sounds like a nice city to go to, but I... Yeah, he's supposed to pay... Hey, everyone, let them read my excerpt. So, I've resisted another month of Chinese poison. So, they're all like... Yeah, they're like, woo!

Namaste. Missed the last couple meetings. Firing their submachine guns in the air. Missed the last couple meetings, went to Wuhan, scoped it out. I thought about pen and paper. I think that shit's fucking dumb. Wait, are you typing it? Yeah, he's putting it on his phone, which I think is- yeah, right?

Like that's cringe. Do it on your phone! Yeah! Yes! Oh my god. Yes, it's an app! Why do we fucking beat our dick with our phone? You can't goddamn write your grace. That's why it's bad! It shouldn't be like beating your dick.

It's supposed to be for filling. Xtube! Xhamster. You want to write. Blood. Feel the grace. Blood, where are you? Where are you, blood?

Don't call me blood. I think I've realized that most things that I want to start trying, the hardest part is barrier to entry and setting yourself up for something that's more difficult than you can sustain. You know what Miles used to always say? What? Hardest part of going on your run? Putting your shoes on. Amen!

You freaking, you're shitting Notion? Where is it at? It's an app called Stoic. Stoic? Yeah. That's so hard, bro. Yeah. That's a cold ass app, dude.

He thought it was an app that changes you into an anime character. He thought it was a Marcus Aurelius quote generator. When you're in the shower, When you're in the shower, when you're in the shower, sometimes it is. Do you? Oh God, I am grateful for the sun,

the moon and the stars. That's from Game of Thrones. Beautiful. Yeah. It has quotes from Game of Thrones and Marcus. Anyway. Yeah. I have a fucking app cause it's easier to use.

And it's like duolingo and I'll just go ping. You haven't done it yet. And I'm like, Oh, good call. Well, let me ask you what happened in your life to inspire you to do this? Don't you think he's on an arc of bettering himself in general?

I want to know exactly, though. I'm tired of this shit. He's been giving you shit. Gives me grief every day. But, you know, even over the course of this episode, reflecting on what things were like two or three years ago or four years ago. I'm better. I think you've been doing a lot of things to amen be a I don't know be a better more

Why now dad it's all the thing is not why now it's why always No, it's not why always it's why not now. Yeah. Mm-hmm Answer my question. You're asking him why are you improving yourself? Why not earlier? Because earlier I was on that fuck everybody else type shit. You were. He was on a different tip.

I was crying by my lonely song. I was crying by my... Yep. I was on that. On my lonely song. You were the brontosaurus getting banned by your lonely. I was on that.

I danced on my own tip only type shit. Type shit beat. Type shit beat. Beat type shit. Awesome beat type shit. And now I'm on that beat type shit and now i'm on that beat type shit where i dance on anybody's tip i'm on i'm on all y'all's tips write that down write that down you have a lot of stuff you want to do why not now and why not before what are you talking about

uh write a tv show i haven't show. I haven't changed. What? I haven't changed. But you want to do it right up before. What do you mean? Why do you want to do it now? Even if that were true, isn't changing good? No. I want it to be more productive. So it's, oh, I get it.

It's a business angle. No, it's not. This makes me feel better. You know what? Because I actually wrote about that in my journal. Oh. I wrote, I was- Would you like to read it to the class? I'd be very vulnerable.

I shouldn't. This is a safe space. I'll paraphrase. I won't read the journal verbatim, but it was basically about how I had gratitude that I was able to work on things that weren't just for work. It was also for my interpersonal relationships.

Wow. You put basketball in there. Like squeaks and relationships. Wow. Okay. You put basketball in there. Like squeaks and dance and... Yeah. Basketball. Basketball is in there, though. Basketball is a great part of the week. It's one of my favorite parts of the week.

You would love it. Everyone does love basketball. I knock it a lot, but everyone's hype on it. I went to basketball. I watched Shogun with Atriok and Shake. Okay. I fucking went to Hassan's dog's birthday cuz cutie asked me to oh all right well now you know you lost he is to us the every

man well I don't know if he's beating the millionaire allegations your dog your dog it's a dog say your dog doesn't know it's it's a fucking birthday it never will it's a stream it never will it's not for the stream yeah it's a stream no if it was off stream oh so it's content to him yeah that's fine if it's content that's fine yeah i get it i'm glad you're being all fucking how about you fucking write down some i've always had a problem with journaling it's always it's always been scary to me because it's like well i definitely am gonna write like because if i've never written something not intended to be read yeah which is why I get mad at Twitch chat. It's like, didn't you think I'd fucking see that?

But I always say if you're going to write something, it should be. But journaling is the opposite of that. And I'm always like, oh, what if I die and someone finds it? It's got to be kind of good. So it's always dissuaded me from doing it. Writing to you is about the experience of the reader yeah it's not about i mean it's both it's it's a relationship it can be therapeutic as well yeah yeah i don't know you can discover your own ideas by writing because

the writing is without writing though no i don't think so benefit from writing you'll do it better i'm not denying this but I don't find the value there or I haven't explored the value because I'm kind of a goat without doing it. I write for two people. You and God. Amen.

First time you ever went in for one. That was crazy. Josh would do that. I thought I was going to ask him. I would bring him for a hug and then just go. Dude, I have beaten Josh at that game

every time at gay chicken I just don't stop I'm just like I'm ready to make out with you don't fuck with me Josh Shane's mad

I'm undefeated at the appy in that game I'll I'll stroke him off gay chicken making your friend cum I guess you lose

We were just playing gay chicken We were just playing gay chicken That's what little boys do I write, I write too I try to write every day Every day? What the fuck is this? I'm left out now I don't know, I probably started like last year

You ever swear? Do I ever swear when I write? Yeah I try to swear less actually like last year. You ever swear? Do I ever swear when I write? Yeah. You say some swear ass words? I try to swear less actually. You should. You swear around public too much.

I feel like you're damn wrong sometimes. No, I like swearing in real life. Why do you like swearing in public so much? He swears at the coffee shop. It's too loud.

I get embarrassed. He talks about this. He drives too fast and he swears. He thinks I don't drive that fast anymore. He used to drive so fast. So fast.

Reckless. That's one of my most embarrassing moments I've ever had in my life. what was the time where I had barely met Anthony recently and I accidentally drove us to the wrong in and out when we're meeting all our friends yeah but tried to quickly get us to the right one because I felt bad that he was missing it oh and then he was like don't drive so fast And I was so embarrassed about it. All I deliver is shame. It is true.

It's your main delivery. I started reading again. Okay. I shouldn't say again. I've read before, but this isn't like again, like I put it down and picked it back up. I'm really just reading now. Yeah. You know why I started reading?

Because I realized I don't think I know that many words Okay, and I was like I want to read I want to learn more words I said this back when I was analyzing the episode that I wasn't on and I was like I was breaking down Aiden's thought process which your your matrix code to me never forget that and There was I could make you in a lab with no I think I can make you with old technology easily. I think you down easily. I think a TI-84 could replicate you. I could put every part of you on a floppy disk. What are you talking about? But I'm breaking down

this idea. Come on, not even look at it. I said Aiden can max out the joke output here by actually just having a larger vocabulary. Your lexicon is tiny. There you go. And actually, I'm not talking about you specifically, but having a larger vocabulary can make you funnier because selecting different words

for precision. That's why I'm trying to curse less. I think sometimes I use curses and swears, no one tell my mom that, to get across an emotion very quickly and cheaply instead of using words to more accurately describe something. You're cashing in your meter. I miss

this because I used to read a shit ton, and I feel like as I've gotten further and further away from that era in my life, I can noticeably tell how it's affected my lexicon. Yeah, it's kind of... That hurts. Reading, and forgive me for saying this, kind of rocks.

Wow. I hate to be crap, but... It's reading rainbow. Oh, my God. That reminded me of Linus Tech Tips. Wow I hate to be crap It's reading rainbow Oh my god That reminded me of Linus Tech Tips You went to see Linus dude You didn't tell any of us I did I did in my weekly meeting

He actually said He told so many people But he didn't tell OG He didn't tell OG I told a lot of people And I brought it up at the weekly meeting You know what I love me thinks In that moment genuinely

It'll get to slime. Dude. It's not that it'll get to slime. It's that I've just told so many people. I've liked Linus forever. He also doesn't need to tell you. But I've liked Linus for a long time. It was interesting at least, man.

I'd message you every week saying, I miss you. I love you. And you don't tell me that you see Linus. All right, man. I mean, when he comes here, I'll tell you. He said he'll come here. He's not coming here. He's going'll come here. He's not coming here. He's going to come here.

No, he doesn't want to fuck with the unions. Which we famously have. Yeah, there's so many in LA. It's California, bro. We voted against him recently. Damn right. I don't know. I don't know.

I went to the cove. Yeah. Stop saying that. Everyone says it. Stop fucking saying that. Went to the cove. That. Stop saying that. Everyone says it. Stop fucking saying that. Went to the cove. That's what us Cetal boys call it.

He was out of the cove. It actually went to Wasega Beach. It actually kills me when people say that. We go coo, coo. I thought you know you were in Vancouver

because people start going. Breathtaking. You would love it. Breathtaking. And I met Linus and crew. We filmed a couple videos. But I'd never filmed with Linus before.

I met him before but I asked him about how his dick and ball and his vasectomy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember that. At the YouTube Blood Boy meetup. See, you need this vocab, idiot. Vasectomy? Dick and ball. And then I was filming with him.

And Linus, he films funny. He films funny? Because he's such a YouTuber that he is the opposite of one take Jake ooh like he thinks of a line that's funny

and then he just tries to like get the cleanest take with that line wow yeah so have like a line and sometimes like

it's a Linus line so it can be a little corny or like a fucking pun or just just a joke he thought of more like world of skanks. In a graphics card, it's good for boobs.

So he would do that. It was like talking about the swipe a day. And then I said something like, it doesn't have all the shit. And he's like, say that again. He liked it. And I was like, it doesn't have all the shit. And he's like, which is why I use it to clean my ass.

And we've run it like four times. If you could puke on command that would be the funniest But their shits crazy facility makes me call in Samir like it Oh my god, if they could tour that they would come their little pants Jimmy Jimmy I've come my little pants There just stands an age rock my give me give me Colin and Samir, I've come, my little pet. There just stands an H-Glock in my head. Give me Colin and Samir at the same time in the ring. No, Samir's really, he's big.

I don't care. Colin, you... Being big means nothing. No offense, Colin, you put down Colin. Colin goes fast. Good night, good night. No, no, careful. It's not a long time for Colin awake.

It reminds me of when we went to Mr. Beast's and we saw it just as gear one of his gear rooms Remember that and I was like yeah, whoa terrifying dude. They I don't know what made me think of this, but they opened another bored ape restaurant This one's in LA what we go go. I want to go so Let's dine and dash you think they'll take my apartment as payment? They'll probably only take crypto as payment. Dude. It's booming. They have Bored and Hungry, which is in Long Beach. And this one was called Bored and Stoned.

So maybe it's a weed dispensary. Oh, tight. But the other one's a restaurant. And it's still open. Wait, do you need a Bored Ape to go in? I don't know. I want to go find out. Surely that would limit the customer rate.

Can you look up Bored Ape Restaurant LA? One of the meanest people ever online that I still remember was on Warcraft 3 Dota. His tag was BoredLazyHungry. And he made me feel so fucking terrible to this day I still remember it. That's why you're the way you are? Yeah, partly. Maybe. BoredLazy, oh God.

If you're out there, man. He hurt you. You said, why is that your name, man? And he said, why the fuck you ask me that question? And you went, question, question. No, no, it wasn't like that. It was different. Why does anyone ask questions? He hurt you. You said why is that your name man? He said why the fuck you asked me that question and you were question No, no, it wasn't like that. It's different Why did anyone ask questions? I was on tiny and I didn't really know how to play him and

It was bad You never played tiny again Long Beach bored and hungry Tony Restaurant Smoking hot Smoking hot. Smoking hot.

What do you have to do when you want to eat food, Zipper? Is this what happens? Do you just go, what do I do? What? I'm going to look it up. How do I find it? If I find it faster, it's not going to be good. Oh, no. Zipper's going to get another hurting.

Zipper's going to get another hurting. Port-N-Hungry, the first Bored and Hungry restaurant. Oh, it accepts Hcoin. So there's a new crypto, which is cool. Whoa. You guys wanna go get lunch at this? This is the restaurant. This is not the weed place.

It is in Long Beach. Yeah, Bored and Stoned is the one in LA. Yeah, let's go to the fucking restaurant, bro. Let's eat fucking good in the neighborhood. Yeah, that, okay, that burger will be $300,000. So it's a couple Bitcoin. A couple beats. We fucked up, huh?

Why did we fuck up, man? We should have fucking bought Bitcoin. Bought crypto? We should have bought it way back. We should have bought it in 2015.

I mean, what's the fuck? Well, why not? We don't have more money? Why not further back? I want, I want fucking What do you want more money for?

I want dirty ass money. White boy? I want fucking dirty ass money. I want to buy four jets. What do you want to do with the jets? You want to scramble? You want to buy a sab jet? I want to board mid-air. Board Taylor Swift's jet

like a pirate and commandeer it. You know how on ships they go up and they put the big board over and they walk over to the other ship? I think they do that. You know how on ships, like, they go up and they, like, fucking put the big board over and they walk over to the other ship? I want to do that in midair with Taylor Swift. Like in Star Wars where they say, initiate the tractor beam. And they go, well, they're pulling us in.

Yeah, but there's no tractor beam. I just attach, like, a plank. And I fly exactly at the speed. I'm flying, too. Right. And I fly exactly at the speed of Taylor Swift's jet. Yeah. And then I attach myself to it.

And then I board her plane. And I say, take me to see Bruno Mars. Do it like they did it in Battlefield. And we hold hands for just a second. I don't. No, I don't fuck with her like that. You don't fuck with her like that? No, I don't fuck with her like that.

Careful, bro. Cuties are going to send shots at your head. No, because she's a fucking married woman, dude. True. I don't fucking. Taylor? Wait, where's. They're not married.

But probably will be. Where's the new yacht to? Huh? Where's the new tattoo? It's on my arm over here. There's just more of it. And then it's over here. Is it different now? Is there a guy? There's a guy right there. He's got a helmet on.

And there's more of it. What's the guy with the helmet doing? He's just fucking bing chilling. That's cool, eh? That's what I told the guys. Can you make him bing chill? One time, one time, uh, Cutie saw my keys. Here they are. There's a lot of them. And, uh, she just took it upon herself to just organize and remove stuff.

She's like, you don't need this. You don't, she's just deciding what I do and don't need. And then she even threw some of them just away. Oh, wow. And, uh, I was like, oh, okay, I guess I have lighter keys now. And then recently, like, he's got big again. Because that was a while ago. Wait. I was looking at him and I was like, oh, okay, I guess I have lighter keys now. And then recently, my keys got big again. Because that was a while ago. Wait, you needed to cleanse it again?

I was looking at him, and I'm like, Cutie would be so mad. That's why I sent her a picture with an angry face. I did this face. And then she said, that's just too many keys. It is too many. I'm not going to let you touch them. You look like a damn janitor. Dude, Cutie looks at big janitor keys the way I look at unchewed fingernails.

Like someone who doesn't chew their fingernails, they get really juicy. You think that I want to nom on that? Yeah, it's like there's like a... You think Cutie wants to chew on the keys? She wants to chew on the fingernails of your keys. I think that's how I feel when I see hairs coming out of moles. I want to... Oh, yeah.

Dude, Josh does that. It makes me want to slap him in the fucking face josh will just he'll see something on your face and you're talking to him and they hold on and then get really close and then just like put his hands up to you and i'm just like damn it and then fucking slap his hand away he's like well geez i'm doing you a favor you guys getting along all right me and j Josh? Dude, I missed him so much. For just a weekend? Yeah.

Because he was at Collision. At Collision. So he's home alone. He's home alone. He needs somebody, man. Yeah, he didn't like being alone. No. Huh?

You don't like being alone. Yeah. It's your dark secret. No, I do. I love being alone, actually. But I just miss Josh. You hate being alone. I do.

Unfortunately, you're wrong. Sometimes I just go to his house and he's just asleep. It's like 6. That's how I live it. I was watching low-modion Tekken videos and sleeping in the afternoon. Thanks to your tax dollars, dear viewer. Tekken update?

I took a little break. I'm getting back into it, though. My bear is still red, too. What's your goal right now? I want to get my bear to purple and then get every character to purple. Every character? How many characters are there? There's like fucking 30.

Wait, you're going to play all? I want to do that. Why? Because it's hype. It is kind of hype. But you're not even at purple one time. But with the bear, it's a little harder. When I learn a real character, plus you just keep learning as you go, so it gets easier.

Yeah. Knowing all the matchups. What is purple in Valorant? It's probably, like, fucking plat. Oh, okay. I'd call it plat. Yeah. Maybe even gold.

That's just time, then, it sounds like. It's a lot of time. Yeah. I'm ready. Even getting plat with every agent in Valorant would be a lot of time. It's funny. They should have agent only... No, that'd be miserable for the game.

Are you closing? They did this. Are you closing in on plat right now? No, bitch. Because you're gold three, right? So you've got to be pretty close. You've been gold three for how? For a long fucking time, man.

I'm checking my watch that I'm not wearing. If you hit plat, we can play together. Has it been two months? I don't ever want to play with you ever. Why do you want to play with me? What? Have you been gold for two months? I don't know. I don't count. Dude, how do you to play with me? What? Have you been going for two months? I don't know.

I don't count. Dude, how do you feel? Two months? I wanted to ask you, how do you feel now that the marathon happened and you didn't do it? And stupid Sam from Wendover got a sub three hour run. Oh my God. Is that good? That is so good for an amateur runner.

Yeah. Is this real chat? He started running a marathon like less than two years ago And he went from first marathon to sub three and like fucking 18 months. That's cool. That's 506 and auto runs great. I was a great runner. Yeah, I was sub three Just like like but fucking top 1% of runners that shit's hard. That's why I was looking fucking top 1% of runners. That shit's hard.

That's wild. Sub 3 is crazy. I was looking, Jeff Wittek was posting about doing the marathon. He was like retweeting all the people, or not tweeting, but whatever Instagram calls it,

like all the people who like saw him while running and took pictures with him while they ran and I was like, that would bother me so much. I'm like,

someone's like, oh my God, can I get a photo? And I'm like, my god I get a photo every fucked yeah I think all those pompous little fucks got what they deserve a t-shirt okay for 250 bucks congratulations you know what I got great memories playing basketball my friends and a game winner yeah yeah no

three thank you yes wet from three scored over eight and three you know what i want really bad in our basketball games i want to hit a game winner no looker but i only get one chance at it and if i ever go for it and miss it i don't get to go for it again that's tough so i'm gonna pick my shot like that i'm gonna go like this and i'm gonna literally turn around finger up that's yeah and then you literally get in your car and leave The yard the yard but we'll start up in Sweden the only stories will be told or yeah, it's cool No footage so we can't really show you but it was cool over the three Kind of nuts, but yeah, it's just gone

But it was cool He landed over the three too It was kind of nuts But yeah he's just gone Do you know that the guy That they Cause the marathon World record is like Two hours flat

Yeah And the guy who broke it Last year He's like really young Like prodigy New runner Right He fucking died

At the beginning of this year In a car crash I didn't know that Oh that sucks He's crushing two hour marathons A month ago Yeah he was the He has the world record

For an official marathon time cuz kid Chogas yeah doesn't count but you really did kid rock He kept Choge ran the first sub two hour marathon But he used like a pace car and like a pace group that could like swap out and that breaks like the official Rules of how you race group. What does to make sure he's running at the correct speed yeah so he has people like set his pace for him and normally in like an official marathon right eventually if you're the leader you break away from everybody else you don't have something to set your pace anymore but in his run nike had like a car and then groups like shifts of people that would rotate in and out so that they could be at full strength to

like set the pace for him to run at that's crazy so he ran a 159 like he did run it but he ran it he broke a bunch of rules he made himself like a machine that just follows what the person next to him is doing that's so crazy which is like running i think you have to run sub 420 miles the entire time are they running are they are they running at such a fast pace that they can't reliably just like check a watch that tells them their pace or something or why can't he just use clock it just slows you down like because you're doing this yeah and because like and you can't constantly so like what if you're off what if you check and you're off by five seconds how do you calibrate yourself to run five seconds faster he's also he's also in that group

you also get the benefit of, he's like drafting. You're, over that speed and length of time, you're saving a little bit of energy by people in front of you blocking the wind. How do the people who swap in know what the pace is? They're probably just literally staring at their watches, but they're fresh enough that they can do it. Oh, they can maintain that for a short period of time?

Yeah. I can do it. This is what real runners do, though. They do check their watch and see their pace, but I think the margin of error for sub 2 was so tight that it was like, let's just remove that variable. Man, I could not run a marathon. It took me so long. You know what Otto said? I picked up Otto from his marathon.

Got in the car, and the first thing he said was like, I changed my mind. I don't think everyone can do that. Really? Yeah. He went into it with a lot of like, I think anyone can do it. He's got to train. And he was like, no, actually, I changed my a lot of like i think anyone can do it he's got to train and he was like no i should change my mind i don't think anyone can do it he's fucked up today yeah yeah he said he got uh he told me that he got injured basically about 16 or 13 16 miles in yeah and he had to run with one straight leg the whole time oh yeah so like he was keeping one leg really straight while running i'm like that's gonna be terrible honestly he was getting

sturdy the whole way he didn't if he didn't get injured, Otto's pace that he's been practicing at, he would have come in under four hours, I think. Oh, but he was only six minutes off. No, no,

under four? Yeah. No, no, for sure. You're smoking, you're smoking that hot shit. I don't think you have to be,

you don't have to be that insane of a runner to run sub four if you're in good shape. He, and his like, his like 10 mile times and stuff are really good. Yeah, yeah. But he got, the injury adds a shit load of time. He's shitload of time doing a sub four but i don't think he went in with the goal of a sub four because when he was not injured he was still running like 11 he was

doing he was doing well i disagree only because he was doing run eight walk four the entire time and then he's never trained past 17 miles oh really, really? You're smoking spunk. I don't think so. He's only ever run 16. He said when he hit 17, it was exponentially harder. It flipped a switch, and it became like... I didn't realize he had never gotten to those amounts in training. Can you pull back clip of the guy saying, slipping on semen?

What? Is this related? Can you just Google that? When you say this is related... I think Simon would like watching it. All right, man. And we're at time, so I figured... We're not at time.

So we can just close it out? We are? Yes, bitch. No way. Yes, and I wanted to leave you with a treat. Why? What are you on... Are you allowed to say what you're on Austin for?

Red Bull. You know you fucked up again. Gives you wings. You didn't tell anyone. Cut me the voice. Gives you wings. No, it doesn't give you wings. I can't say it anymore.

What? The lawsuit. No, no, no. You can say it like he? Yeah. It gives you wings. No, it doesn't give you wings. I can't say it anymore. What? The lawsuit. No, no, no. You can say it like he said it. A$AP Rocky. You gonna play it? One nigga got that nigga up outta there, thank God.

Yeah, I had to fight some nigga in the bathroom. No homo, we slippin' on semen. Niggas jerkin' off in the bathroom, nigga. Me, we flop. Got that nigga up outta there, all that shit. You know, this is parts of the story. All right, that's good. This is fun.

I think our... This is the first, like, extremely themed episode. We flopped Got that nigga Out of there All that shit You know this is Parts of the story Alright that's good This is I think our This is the first Like extremely themed Episode we'd ever had Yeah Like this is

This is an episode For true beaters owners Yeah And don't ever forget it Yeah for the website Where you can search All of our episodes If you search

Semen It'll be 80% If you search the word beat Dude Congrats You've hit the mother load well either way I hope you guys enjoy this episode and you'll tune in to our premium episode guess who won't be there

guess who won't be there it's me cause I'm going to Austin you told us this today actually if I said this you'd be like oh well in your defense I realized as soon as you explained that you had already told us before no you already said something when I said I'd be going but I don't think we like mapped out how to take care of that so we could do both you just want to see him not become a better person that's true yeah but i will journal about

how i love you but i'll never know and you'll never know and i hope you guys journal about the ones that you love and never tell them all right we'll see you in the bonus episodes