The Yard - Ep. 151 - He Made Everyone Cry...

Episode Date: June 5, 2024

This week, the boys talk about getting a massage with Mr. Beast, Nadeshot versus Banks on MW2, and how Aiden's episode led to people crying...

it's the best he's ever looked it's the best he's ever looked i mean he looks just hard body that's hard body dave i it's like your hair that's bobby hard the shirt, the pants head to toe you're everything a young man would ever need. Dude I think my self esteem is just low because I thought you were talking about Ludwig the whole time Bro I'm wearing a

white shirt. Yeah he looks Zort's world. You also look beautiful He looks normal. But you're like normally beautiful. I just thought you were talking about him. He looks normal you but you're like it. You're like normal I just thought you were talking about him. That's that is so That's why I was cringing because I was like well he does he looks fine You don't like start attacking me Me and Zeke saw you across the courts at basketball, and we saw you marching in your tank top.

And a tank top was the best I ever looked. And I think that was the best you guys ever looked. That was the best I ever looked. He takes a tank top off, though, and it's like all the SpongeBob fish at the chest hole. They're like, ooh! That's why you gotta keep it on. Because of my chest hole?

You keep the illusion of it filled. It is so big. I was talking to Doug Doug because I did a shoot with him. He's such a big old chest for us. We started talking about his chest again. It is so big. I was talking to Doug Doug because I did a shoot with him. He's such a big old chest for us. We started talking about his chest again. It's so big for me. You're talking to Dig Doug, that hole in your chest. Talk what?

Dig Doug? Dig Doug? Zipper light. Zipper light? How do I? Doing the fucking. These guys coming after me anyway. He's a big ass man.

Look up Doug Doug chest Dude he is Big fucking hot Big old chest He just works out a lot He does calisthenics He does like 100 pushups a day Well he does work out a lot

That's different than working out a lot It's working out I guess maybe a lot But also not extensively. Okay, what? If you do a hundred of something, is that not the definition of extensively? It's okay to agree with me. You can just agree with me. What I'm trying to say is-

Did you say extensively or ostensibly? You know what, I'll say both. We're all fucked up. You can't give them that. Which one's better? Which one's better here? You gotta give them that. Extensively makes more sense, and ostensibly does not. Lock it in, extensively. I never said ostensibly. Okay, and now you say on opposite dayensively makes more sense and I think ostensibly does not

Lock it in, I never said it makes more sense Okay, now you say on opposite day it actually makes less sense Fuuuuck Destroyed And today isn't opposite day Doug has giant naturals and I've done what he's done To be clear You haven't done what he's done

Oh my god, is that him in the fucking can outfit? Jesus Christ That's gotta be, That's not real. That's right. That's right. That's right about his body. But I believed it. And that says a lot.

Yeah, that's from the thing. Dude, oh my God. Yeah, he looks fucking great. Does anyone think he looks like Bradley Cooper? Am I smoking fucking weed? You're smoking fucking weed. You're just a white guy. I see what you're seeing. Thank you for once.

You're being fucking nice to me. I don't even see what you're seeing. You see what I'm seeing. So anyway, I've done what he's done. During the summer, junior year of college, I saw One Punch Man, and I was like, I will do that. And I stopped using AC, and I started doing push-ups, and I started running in the 100 Arizona degree heat.

I know it smelled crazy in there. It smelled like, what's that called? Fromage de pea. It smelled like burnt meat. It smelled something, what's that called? Fromage de pe. It smelled like burnt meat. It smelled something weird in there. But my chest did not look like his. And you want to know why? Because you have a deformity.

Yes. That's it? Yeah, because I have a huge fucking deformity. Because it's like by comparison, right? No. There's just a hole. So the way muscles work, it it's skeleton and then the muscle wraps around the skeleton no and his skeleton goes inside i need so much muscle to fill the hole

and then get to work from behind i got fed a youtube short this week that it's this guy's like i've packed this excavate him he's got a huge chest it's like if you have it don't worry here's the ways that you can you can make your chest big. Did he take a plunger to it? And then I clicked away because I don't have that. Yeah. But if you can find that YouTube short, I'm sure you can find some.

You can probably scroll TikTok and find it. What the fuck is the point of bringing that up then? I know. There's three things you can do. One is the vacuum seal chamber. Can you look up Pectus Excavator vacuum chamber? Like a car dent The ding king infomercial with the little thing that fixes the suction thing

It's kind of like a retainer This is funny because this is like you knowing all the ways to handle this is like how bald balding guys know all the methods Yeah, I know ways to handle this is like how bald balding guys know all the methods yeah i know it is that yes this is like the the thing we talked about this the thing that makes your foreskin longer where do you get this shit like o'reilly auto parts yeah yeah if you want it on discount yeah uh the vacuum bell it's like a retainer it only works if you keep using it every day you know like you just skip every day, you know? Like you skip a day. And you can get little star stickers. And you have one giant hickey too.

Oh my god. Oh, it's like a Swedish penis enlarger! It can't be sucking your skeleton forward. It literally is sucking the air out of the hole with that pump, and then what that does is creates a vacuum chamber and pulls it forward. Ugh! And then it will literally lift your chest up a bit This is what it's temporary what they mean when they say they have a period temporary in the same way like a retainer is temporary That's a tampon. Please bring up the picture the tampon again. Oh God, okay. That's a guy's chest

But he permanently has to bend forward now because he got suction too hard forward. No, he just has bad posture Nobody's posture is good in the first crazy fix. I think he's just trying to like over wait. Okay. Oh my god Yeah, see that's a more normal pose, but it's a temporary It's temporary like a retainer is so if you stopped using it would go back Wow Wait, the top one looks dope and the bottom one looks like they filled it with gravel. What? No, it's just cuz you get a giant hickey when you use the thing. Yeah, yeah. And it'll go away.

Oh, that's sucking on you. Yeah, that's like... I think that, you know, we make fun of your chest hole a lot, but this is making me realize we'd do anything to appear normal to everyone else, and that's kind of sad. And I do want to say always, I've never looked at your chest hole and been like, damn, that looks weird.

I think it's okay to make fun of you specifically because you always look good. There's literally at least 700 people watching us with pectus excavatum. If you have it, it'll be okay, man. You're like dubbing. You just won't ever find love. Yeah. You just won't ever find love. Outside of that, life will be good.

Or the alternative is you can get your ribs broken. No. Like the bone lengthening surgery? Yeah. outside of that life will be good or the alternative is you can get your ribs broken no like the bone lengthening surgery yeah but they just fucking crack them and then they're like they put them straight and then you're out for 6 months oh dude that's gotta be oh so is that what's going on in there 100 to 300 to 400 births

that's a lot of fucking pectus excavae there's a lot of us I saw that guy in there. Yeah. I passed by him. I'm like, all right, man. In the womb?

Yeah. Or in the hospital? A lot of sperm. When you were sperm. When you were sperm and your dad had balls. I saw pectus guys. You saw pectus guys in the little... I mean, a few of them.

It wasn't pectus guy. It was pectus version of you. No, they're not all you, are they? No, yeah. It's like they're a bunch of little nicks. No, they're different. They're not women. I'm down for sperm to be this, let's go with that.

They're totally different, right? No. They would be different. I don't fucking know. Why are you asking me like I'm a scientist? This is a funny image in my head. So I'm pretty sure fraternal twins is when two of the spermies inseminate the egg, and so they come out fraternally, but they come out different.

Identical is when it splits So it's the same spur me so yeah, it's basically a different whole ass person Yeah, but he's still dumbass glasses so you could out. I don't I don't have I don't have the glasses a sperm cell You did I don't have All the other stories all the other stories are likeies are like, dude, we lost the glasses. Bro couldn't see where he was going. Because bro camped

the egg. So I'm me, but I don't have a name. I'm Spermy. You're Spermy. I'm glasses Spermy. Your glasses Spermy for sure. Your glasses Spermy

who scored the highest out of all of our friends on the autism test. And they're like, that guy obviously camps top plat, so he's friends on the autism test and they're like that guy obviously Camps top plat so he's gonna make the egg, but we're at least we played cool looks like I cheated on that damn test Yeah, I was so surprised. I'm like oh this makes me feel way better. Yeah, you scored the highest. That's how you know it's a sham. Why?

No, I think it's reasonable. I did. Yeah. Yeah, I'm beast. Because I also think the quiz was like... It's a dumb quiz. Yeah. If you want to find out if you're autistic, it's not going to happen from an online quiz. Yeah, you just got to check how fast you beat Celeste. I did beat it pretty quick, I will say. Mark another...

It's like another thousand tally marks. Wait, how fast did you beat it your first playthrough? I don't know, like a day? A day? Yeah. A day's fine. Oh, wait, B-sides? Like a day of playing.

No, no. No, you don't play B-sides. Main game? No, you don't play B-sides. Well, I say... You don't do that. Why would you count B-sides as beating the game? No, they do say that.

Unless you didn't play B-sides. They say unless you beat B-sides, you didn't beat the game. Is B-sides the second? Yeah. The second part of the game? More gatekeeping. Please. I'm just saying they say this. I did beat B-sides.

I didn't play C-sides, though. I don't remember when. Oh, my God. There's C-sides? There's C-sides. You didn't even know. I don't know about C-sides. What does it know about C-sides?

Blood is lost? I don't know. You're a pussy. You're a pussy. I don't know what it is. You look really good. You look great, man. You look great.

It looks like he has a debate at school tomorrow. Okay, I'll say it. No, he doesn't. He actually does it, but the big ass are fucking huge dude. No cuz I didn't play Celeste, okay? Yeah, I'm big because I'm playing fucking game. You spend time getting built. Yeah. Why do you look like this? Why why did you dress this way today? It's it's not that job interview job interview okay dude everyone's everyone's got amen fever dude

is that why you say we only have a five minute meeting later I think I caught the bug after the fucking after the

the one woman show on the patreon oh man everyone loved it everyone loved the amen show I didn't watch it

I didn't watch it either I heard you cried I heard yeah I heard you cried like a like a fucking spire hydrant. You did cry.

All you do is fucking cry. I did cry, but it wasn't on purpose. Wait, you did? That's why everyone else cried. I'm pretty sure, and I'm going to throw this accusation out there, he cries because he knows the audience will like it. He does it on purpose. He brings those alligator tears.

It's actually manipulative and gaslighting. To show emotion. Aiden's the only guy who would say, okay, you have to do a whole hour show by yourself on camera, and he'd be like, ah, I will openly weep. I've got this in the bag. My car works insane. Yeah, I fucking

pulled the audience I didn't play well there's an amount of time he could do that where it's funnier than anything we've done oh yeah like he could just cry

for an hour straight dude that would be awesome he's just progressively getting more insane like you try to podcast alone for about 30 seconds and then you start crying

because you can't do it and then you just do that for an hour I'm gonna do that man I'm gonna solo pod and cry for an hour. I'm going to do that, man. I'm going to cry for an hour. Yeah, people will eat that shit up. You would be so much harder. Of course, I'm mad at Aiden.

I'd be mad at you. Yeah, that's true. But my product was good. You dropped a hot product. He asked you guys for a good and a bad memory as well? Yes. Yeah. You know, after I sent him mine, I realized this was probably for the thing. And I was like, maybe I should this was probably for the thing. Oh.

And I was like, maybe I should have chosen ones that are funny or something. It's funny. It is funny that you didn't immediately think this is for something. Genuinely, I thought he was doing something with Zipper 3, like some buck-ass couples game or something. That's believable. That's believable. Playing Bananagram. I actually thought it was so obvious that, because I sent this question to other people besides you guys too.

I sent it to Yingling, Miles, and Josh. And I clarified that it was for the podcast with them, but I didn't do that with you guys because I thought you would just know. Yeah, I didn't think about it. Yeah, I instantly knew. I answered genuine. I think the difference, and I mentioned this in the episode, the difference between yours and theirs was really funny

because yours was not i think the insinuation of my question by the way for context is what is a can you tell me a good memory with me and a bad memory with me and i think the insinuation of me asking that question is like what's a moment where like i have created like a bad moment between us like through my decision making oh but you you pick something that was your fault which i thought was really interesting yeah versus like what they picked which was like me instigating a problem oh you're a little cuck i thought about it both ways i i didn't even consider for a moment a bad moment you've caused wow admittedly i i went towards memories that were

genuine that i did hold very fondly or negatively, but that had a funny edge to them. I think the only thing I ever harp on are mistakes I've made, not others have made. So even if you've wronged me, I've forgotten it. Genuinely. No, you haven't forgotten. I have. You used to not forget.

It's buried within the archives. I forget now. You can find it somewhere. I forget so much now. You have to get them on acid to find it, you know Dvorak keyboard it's My mind pals is just like a shitty sophomores backpack with homework and no binders and

Papers soft paper at the bottom And there's a little cheese crackers in there. There's like a small half-drinking red Gatorade. Oh, the Gatorade, dude. A little bit of your comments are left over from busting loads in your backpack. It's still down there. Did I tell you you used to play poker in sixth grade? No, you didn't. You played poker?

Yeah. You were looking at any two cards down? The big blind. We got the big blind How big would you Yeah, I played poker every lunch it was me and Jake did you play Texas hold them pay pay Texas Hold'em Texas Hold'em and it's usually heads up for our lunch it was like you know I'll front okay I'll front fucking my chips for your chips you know like it can elevate that way or like okay front means like a bite of your sandwich okay

so it's like we would do like little things. Yeah. Eventually, I mean, sometimes if it goes bad, I lose the whole lunch. Anyway, I was. That's an L. I was bad at poker. So I was getting fucking robbed blind by Jake. He was winning. You chasing those draws, huh?

I'm chasing basically everything. You're chasing those draws. And trying to bluff everything. Did you guys know the hand rankings? Yeah. I can imagine. It's like Jake's like Lincoln Ocean's 11. Like trying to bluff everything. Did you guys know the hand rankings? Yeah. I can imagine. Jake's like Lincoln Ocean's 11. I got all red.

I think learning poker hand rankings is probably easier than division. Oh, 100%. It's just funny to imagine that you guys fucked up. If there's a chopped pot, you guys are not figuring that out. We're figuring that out, baby. I mean, we're not figuring it out because I guess we just bring our snacks back to ourselves.

But anyway, Jake's beating me with basically a pair every time because I'm bluffing it out. He's no reason to fold. Yeah, he's zero reason. And at the end of a year of doing this for lunch, he was like, yo, come to my locker. And I come by. doing this for lunch he was like yo come to my locker and i come by and uh in in it in the top like because the section there's like a top shelf and the top shelf is a year of my food in there just moldy gross like like pb and j from september oh my god inflation dude no and i'm like bro you didn't eat any of it?

That's going to smell like your no AC apartment, dude. Yeah. That's nice. That's going to smell like Doug, Doug Ludwig. He just beat me and then just stopped me from eating rather than eating it himself. Well, no. He saved his money. Yeah, but like ultimately.

He stacked up his bread. He just took away value from me rather than creating value from himself. Yeah, he didn't. Yeah, that's so beautiful yeah to do because even like even all i want to do is i hurt you this isn't even zero some it was so full that even the chips were shoved in the back and it's like they're like basically inedible because like a pop bag with a bunch of crumbs oh yeah it was fucked that's sick i love that for him i had a year of school i don't remember what year it was it must have been middle

school i don't think i would have done this as a high schooler. But I put a... My mom packed me a sandwich for lunch. I think PB&J, I think. Or PB something else. Blood's mom packed him a sandwich. She cut the crust off? No, I cut the crust off.

I like the crust. You like the crust? I like the crust. You like the crust? All right. She puts it like this. Okay. One time, by the way, really quick.

One time, our dear friend Victor was talking. He was like, yeah, I don't go down on girls unless they shave. And I was like, what? You don't like the fucking crust on your feet? Jesus. And I thought that was funny. It was funny. I didn't want to eat it at school.

And so I just went to the lunchtime, even though I had it. So I put it in my backpack. and I just never thought about it again. And then I put books on top of it. And I put books on top of it. At the end of the year, we all do our fun thing where it's like, oh, school's over, I'm dumping my backpack in the trash can. It out comes. It was in a Ziploc bag that was sealed, luckily.

But it was a... You know how I get about old food. A single, a full year of a... Size experiment. A full school year of a sandwich. Yeah. It looked bad, man. It looked like when you get really close up in SpongeBob.

Like when they do the photo real close up. Mm-hmm. It was like... Oh, yeah. And a mole. Dude. I stopped listening after you... And then I untooked my ears.

You hear like, vane in it. Yeah, it was literally that, but you said end of mole. Yeah, that was gross. That is gross. You know, I got written up in high school for gambling. It was my coolest write-up ever. What gambling on what? We were playing dice.

I learned a dice game. I looked up dice games on the internet. Dice games to make friends at school? No, I had friends at school. Bucker. Dice games to keep friends at school. Dice games to maintain friendships. And it swept the school like wildfire. It was a game.

So you have five dice and you throw, I don't know if this is like a different game or something, but you throw them, right? And you have to keep one in the bank every throw. And you can keep multiple your job is to get the lowest score possible threes though if you roll a three that counts as zero points so if you like roll like three three six five two you keep two of your threes maybe the two because it's also low and you have to roll at the minimum of five times yeah okay

uh it's a great game it was really fun and And if you, but if you keep all sixes, you automatically win. So it's like this crazy risk. And we would just fucking put money down. Dude, we were literally throwing down in the corner. That's tight. It was really fun.

That's beast. And they put a stop to it because it was disruptive to class. And because you started it. And literally, I got, it's on the paper that that my mom had assigned it said gambling and i was like yes that's how i fucking i do like the idea of you

of you taking like house cuts on people's dice games and that's why it's wrong yeah i was raking the game if there was no rake they let it they let it go for a while like yeah this is good uh law says you can just play But if you start taking a Taking a thing Yeah it was really fun I got invited to a fucking LA poker thing What?

Like a Molly's game style poker Like an underground one? I don't know if it's underground per se Or just at the Weekend at Wee I'm not gonna say I guess Who's running it

Cause I don't wanna fucking Out him I think it might be chill I don't know Toby McGuire? It was with a bunch of I'm not gonna say it was don't know. It was with a bunch of famous people. I'm not going to say it was running the game. It was with a bunch of famous people.

Was Mr. X there? Like Elon Musk? Toby Mac, dude. It's fucking from Molly's game, you dumb bastard. I thought you liked it. I've seen Molly's game too. That's fucked up because that means his stupid-ass, shit-ass branding works.

Yeah. Well, it's more like he's the only guy who can get away with Mr. X. I'm Mr. X. Free speech is only here on X. Looking into the. Looking into X. Looking. I love looking into this.

Anyway, I got the invite. I was like, I'm not doing that because I'm kind of off the gambling tip. Yeah, sure. I'm a good boy. But I was like, you know doing that because I'm kind of off the gambling tip yeah sure I've been a good boy but I was like you know who would love this what's the buy-in 50 hundred wait

it's 50 hundred like small blind big blind so I think the buy-in so that's not the buy-in those are the stakes well they didn't say the buy-in so it's a hundred

big blind yeah so I thought you were trying to say 50,000 I thought he was too no no and I'm like sweetheart there's a better way

Usually you gotta buy in with at least what? This sounds like a hundred K buying yeah, that's what you want to stake me half half new okay new yay What if we all stake me Suck me off You all get a piece. Yo, what if we all suck me off? No. All of us do. No, you said no! 25 REC! Absolutely not. It's an investment in your future. I've seen you come home too many times, like, I'm like, how'd you do? That was in the old days!

And you go, That was in the old days! I don't chase draws! I don't chase draws! Miles told me what happened the other night. What the fuck? Oh, that was a great night. Miles ran it up. Miles came up big. Yeah, there was a Kyle- I no i know this too uh because there's probably is the biggest score of his life but miles keeps walking around going i'm trying to buy a car yeah after winning one day yeah yeah we we were playing poker more we there was this game with this fucking it was

the drama is so beautiful i won't get into like, man, there is something so unifying about being on a table. And the only thing everyone wants to do is look at two cards, but like you're next to someone you would rather you would like never, ever talk to. Otherwise it was beautiful. Anyway, this guy just had a rack of like 20,000 and chips behind him, kept throwing it at us.

And everyone was trying to catch it. Like I asked, I asked miles to come to uh the monthly the melee monthly that happens and i messaged him early like 10 in the morning and then i get a response at 5 p.m he's like sorry just woke up i played poker until 9 a.m yeah he he's son ran he ran hotter than i mean he had a he had a big old whale there it's like spirited away when the guy just starts shitting out money. Oh, yeah.

And everyone's crowding around him. But you have to win him in a hand. Yes. You have to flip a little coin. You just have to be awake, honestly, long enough. Yeah, really. You have to wait for the cards to come. So it's beautiful.

The world is such a beautiful place. Also, Ludwig fucked us in our cornhole again. Whoa. Wait. Because we just podcasted. We have to save up our podcast juice every week. Because we just podcasted. We have to save up our podcast juice every week. We podcast on a Monday.

We could pull out... Yeah, we do podcast on Monday. It's Friday. We have juice. I feel juice. Yeah, but like, obviously we're like dipping into the reserve juice tanks

that you collect during the game. I didn't think that. To fight the boss tank. Are you... So you're telling us... You're telling us three that you have to dip into the reserve tank. Bro, we're out us you're telling us three that you have to

dip into the reserve tank I can do this every day you have to I'm not talking about me okay I'm talking about you guys I see because I feel like

I'm on my main tank like I filled up my main tank so you're saying if you have enough podcast juice why don't we just do every four days we podcast then wow

well that seems like a bit busy that seems like a leap. Oh, a leap. Well, if you have enough juice. Juice. I have fast 50. I'm gone.

All weekend. And then can you say where you're going? Can you say it? I'm doing a Mr. Beast video. I can't say what the video is. Mr. Beast. But he's gone for days. Mr. Breast.

Mr. Breast oils you up and you get so oily. Mr. Beast gives you a Nuru massage. The Uncle Beast Nuru massage. Uncle Beast gets what he wants finally. He walks in, there's an inflatable mattress on the floor and a bunch of oil. We film one dollar versus million dollar pornography. And the million dollar one is him getting million dollar naturals. Jimmy, Jimmy, I'm not gonna get on the mattress. What- okay, genuinely.

Genuinely. Oh, genuine now. Hold on, dig into the tank. Alright, genuinely. What if Mr. Beast calls you up and he's like, Oh, this is really okay. And I'm asking you a real question. I don't want you to sit and... I want you to pretend we're over in that other room on the couch

when you're fucking in low power mode. And I ask you this question. I want you to be honest with me. He smells so good today, by the way. Well, Gucci. He's wearing Gucci. He's sniffing me like he's Jeremy Fragrance. He's all over me. He smells so good today, by the way. Well, Gucci. He's wearing Gucci. He's wearing Gucci. He's sniffing me like he's Jeremy Fragrance. He's all over me.

It's hard to talk about the topic of masturbation with Ludwig. I do it, but it doesn't come out. I forgot that's the same guy. Yeah, that's how I know. So, okay, Mr. Beast calls you up. He's like, I want you for a video. I want to give you a new

room. And it's Jimmy, I want you for a video. I want to give you a new room. And it's Jimmy, right? You don't want to say no. What? Genuinely, what do you say? I've said no many times to Jimmy. Really? Yeah.

What? What tips the scales? Like when he asks me what I got going on. But like there is there is he asked me to fucking he did. Remember that video when he went to abandon I got going on. But like there's, there's, he asked me to fucking, he did. Remember that video when he went to a band and thing in Europe? Yeah. Mark. Mark.

And he did it with Mark Robus. Yeah. He was like, can you come to Europe for a week? Dude, you were first string on that? I was, I don't know if I was first string. He said, Hey, can you come to Europe for a week? But you were over Mark Robus. I don't know if I was over.

He's more reliable. Dude, you're a better guy than Mark Robus. You're like taking so many leaps from what I said here. Ludwig has said this and is saying it right now. I like Mark. Yeah, but you've done it better than him. You're above and who are beneath you. I hear Mark goes back for the massages off camera.

Mark's the one who took him off on the idea. Yeah, I hear you. So Jimmy calls me and says, hey, Ludwig, I want you to come. So what's the full concept? When is it, Jimmy? It's when you're free. That's fucking ridiculous. I can't believe it. Sorry, you have to be better at being jimmy that's the least thing you'd ever say okay he said uh it's in two weeks are you free okay uh and where is it it's uh it's it's in la oh okay wow and sorry you're giving me a new

room massage i'm giving you a new room massage look it up if you don't know what it is. Uh, no, I think I've read this in a book once. Yeah. Am I meant to come? Uh, you can come if you, I mean, for the content, like if you come, it's probably better. And this is living on YouTube? Yeah. Yeah.

I got a thing with them. And on, oh, hey, only on X. Oh, okay. Hard pass. Yeah, I got a thing with them. And on X. Hey, only on X. Oh. Okay. Hard pass. Really? Yeah. What?

Yeah. I'm so much to be... Do you think that this relationship that we have can sustain you saying no like that to me just now? Wow. How do you think Papa feels? How do you think Papa feels when you say no to him? I think he feels sad. Are you going to make Papa happy next time?

No. Mr. Beast had a TikTok with the TikTok Riz Party kids. Turkish Kwanday on Blue Tie Kid? Yeah, and I was like... What? Guys, we're talking. Oh, yeah.

You lost me for the first time in a while. Turkish Quandary on Bluetie Kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead. And I was thinking, I was like, man, he's going to be like 30 one day. Mr. Beast. Not Turkish Quandary Dingle. He's going to be 30 in four years, right?

He's 26 or six now? And then he's going to be 40. And I was literally driving. It was so funny. I was driving, thinking about what Mr. Beast's life would be like when he's in his 40s. so funny i was driving thinking about what mr beast's life would be like when he's in his 40s i almost assuredly bet he will leave youtube like in his 30s and do what meet tom from myspace and just go to machu picchu do you know i think he's gonna do take don't be some magnate one day he's gonna the numbers they're they're gonna still be climbing but it's not gonna be enough he's gonna

make a realization i need to go to India That's where the real numbers are Wait he's done this No but he goes and lives in India Oh And then all his content He learns the language And all of his content is there

Does he ever keep up with MrBeast's video? Any of them? Dude he runs He's gonna run out of people To like Appeal to To have viewership oh like every single population on that like China is the ultimate frontier for mr. B's kids are

always being made do when he hits on Billy Billy man all right click on the multiple language so click on a video dude 92 million if you click settings it'll give you an option to switch the language protect the yacht keep it you don't worry about the ad you should ignore it did you guys did you guys watch this one no uh dude that massage probably feels so good dude his hands are so soft but they're also firm for you isn't it a new roo no dude his new roo's massage video would go crazy uh oh there it is audio track all right what language is he in Thai Arabic Hindi hey he's in Hindi dude that's so many there's no Chinese you

play the audio cuz it's not China doesn't have YouTube why would you do it I got it I got it here oh my god what is this language? It is Hindi. That's beast. I mean, it's a coastal country too, man. Dude, he's... We gotta do this for the podcast. Imagine? We do every language. It's not worth it.

We pay like thousands of dollars per episode. It's so much money. Dude. How could it be a lot? No, we use AI and we put voice actors out of work. Wait, yes! Finally! This is a thing.

Look up Daily Dose. He does that. He does AI? He does AI because he wants it to be his voice. Is it the same weird, like... It's his exact voice, but it's Spanish. Can you look up Daily Dose AI Spanish? I guess it's kind of a weirdly more ethical way to do it, right?

Yeah, I think it's fine. Because if you would have done it yourself anyways, you'd put it to use. If it's like kind of a weirdly more ethical way to do it, right? Yeah, I think it's fine I would have done it yourself. Anyways, you're if it's his own voice I mean, I guess the argument is that like you're taking away a job from a voice actor But you but you want to be you so you want to you have to do it? Yeah I think it's still it's still beasts to go and find a guy who speaks Spanish like you that is cool But it's very hard. Yeah, like like mr. Beast's's Japanese voice actor is just the person who does Naruto. Yeah. Because he thought it'd be cool.

He thought it'd be cool. Which is like a six-year-old woman. Which is cool. It is cool, but it's... If we do ours, I want the voice of Bart Simpson to be on it. That'd be a good voice for you. But is it Spanish? No, no, it's English.

Okay, so... And we're all in Spanish? I just want Nancy Cartwright to do my voice on the podcast. I want Corpse Husband. Oh! Okay, so again, we're supposed to dub it

in a language for people who can't... He speaks Hindi. Yeah, he does. Everyone knows that. Yeah. That whole song is Hindi. It just sounds like English.

Which one? The Choke, Me Like You Hate. It sounds like English. You're literally speaking English. No, it sounds like English. It sounds like it. But it's just a lot of crosswords. The song is playing backwards. Right, okay. like English. It sounds like it. But it's just a lot of crosswords.

The song is playing backwards. Right. Okay. If you play it forwards, it's... Don't you like... You're like his friend. You should know. That he speaks Hindi?

Yeah. Yeah. He just never brought it up. Yeah. He's humble. That is great. He's very humble. Those damn Montessori schools.

Unlike you. I was teaching Hindi. I have a confession to make. You always got something, dude. I'm going to confess something to you guys. The most recent factor meal has given me a prostate orgasm. Oh, my God. That's right.

Like, you ate it orally? I ate it like normal. I ate a delicious factor meal. I heated it up for two minutes. It was fresh, never frozen. To a nutritious chef prepared, I ate it. And then right after, I had a debilitating prostate organ. You're telling me you quivered from the base for an amount of time that just seemed unreasonable?

From a factor? From a factor meal? I have never heard it described that way. Was it a keto calorie smart vegan veggie or protein plus meal it was a protein plus meal and that's probably why 30 plus grams of protein well now i'm trying to think if any of the 55 plus add-ons could make it even better for you i would like to think so because i mean this was the i've been eating factors for a long time but this is the first time that this happened maybe it was coincidence maybe maybe something different just happened you'll have to

push the envelope for a new threshold. The juices, smoothies, snacks, or breakfast options might get you there. I think it would. Yeah. You could boof a turmeric shot, but then also eat the factor meal.

Oh, so it's like both ends. And they treat me like a glow stick. That's what I'm saying. I want my prostate to get cracked in half like a glow stick. What do you think, Ludwig? I just saw that it had

filet mignon and shrimp and that doesn't seem that bad to me. 35 plus meal choices, dude. Wow. That's the premium. How's the orgasm worth it? That's something you're interested in. How do you describe it, Aiden?

Quivering from the base, Nick. If it Aiden quivering from the base Nick so if you want to quiver from the base you can go to factormeals.com slash the yard 50 and get 50% off plus 20% off

the next next box in your subscription and sometimes you don't even need box like me if you're having these delicious good factors

that's factormeals.com slash the yard 50 America's number one ready to eat meal kit wow let's get love it back in here oh dude one of cutie's FactorMeals.com slash theyard50. America's number one ready-to-eat meal kit. Wow. Let's get love it back in here, huh? Oh, dude.

One of Cutie's nieces is learning Portuguese. She's like five. That's cool. Wait. No. Wait. Oh, no. Never mind.

Dude, is this one of them like alt-right things where parents are like trying to teach her to like I was going to say it makes sense. Why do you think it's getting alt-right? Why would Portuguese be alt-right? Because sometimes there's like these weird threads people follow where they're like yeah so really like when the nuke drops Portugal has the best cliffs. Okay. So you'll end up going there for the ammunition bunker. Okay. So we're gonna learn that and also learn how to weld and also no blue hair. I think the

safest countries when the nuke drops is New Zealand Like it's New Zealand but also just middle America it's Wyoming bitch That's where NORAD is America's big they can't take out all America's huge the first nuke The first nuke Jackson Hole I think Bakersfield

I think Bakersfield would survive if the nuke hit Directly Like a cockroach That Denny's doesn't fall Yeah that stands proud I think Bakersfield would survive if the nuke hit directly. Yeah, it would. Like a cockroach. That Denny's doesn't fall. Yeah, it stands proud. And the flags. And the flies in it don't leave either. When the nuke starts flying in America, America throws one on Bakersfield.

And they say it was the enemy. You guys can fucking risk it somewhere in America. I'll be sucking off Gabe Newell in fucking New Zealand because he'll have a spot for me. Dude, it sucks because it's like, if you stay in Gabe Newell's apocalypse bunker in New Zealand, you still, like 30% still belongs to him, no matter what. Yeah, 30% of you is his. That's fine. At all times.

That's fine. We'll be neighbors. I'll be his blood boy. His massage is already good. We'll be neighbors with Kim.com. Oh, you'd have to Newell massage Gabe Ne Oh, you'd have to Neuru massage Kim. You'd have to Neuru massage Kim. Yeah.

But that's it. I want to live through the apocalypse. Yeah, no, I get that. Some people got a Neuru through the apocalypse. You're just like, Gabe Neuru, I've given you a Neuru massage in the apocalyptic wasteland. May I have a Steam profile with all the games? And he's like, nope. Please.

But we're having a sale soon. So there. If I do well enough, could I have a souvenir Dragon Lore game? Yes. I wish they'd make Portal, man. I wish they'd do Portal 3. Nah, man. I want it so bad.

Nah, they're busy making other games. What's the last game they dropped? CSGO? CS2 I suppose yeah There's a new arena shooter they're making Wait really? Yeah it's like

Isn't it like a mobile thingy? No dude It's not It's a lot like that It looks like that Overwatch But with Marvel guys in it. Oh. Super's been playing a lot.

I'm a big Super fan. Super's great. You like Super? Yeah. I like him. Is X-Defying good, Ludwig? How's it streaming? I haven't played it.

Are people watching and people play it? I think people are liking it. I've heard it's fun. I heard it's fun. It looks fun as fuck. They have pronouns in it, but whatever. Like for the characters? Yeah. Which is kind of, I heard it's fun. It looks fun as fuck. They have pronouns in it, but like for the characters Yeah, which is kind of I don't like it

Well, it's just like I play video games to escape reality and I'm trying to escape like I don't want pronouns and bees Okay. I've been defeated in the marketplace of ideas. Yeah, it looks fun. Dude, a full non-binary shooter? COD style? That'd be pretty cool.

What if Nadeshot was non-binary? I think if it was a full non-binary shooter, alt-right people would play it. So instead of grenades? Because they would want to only attack non-binary people. Instead of grenades, it's like chicken full of estrogen. It's like fake meat. It's beyond burger meat. There's not a KD. You just get boobs if you die. You grow

breasts. The players with breasts have a lot of deaths. No, it's either side. And the Call of Duty 4 map bog is still there. It's still normal. Maybe you lose breasts if you're,

it's like attackers and defenders. You're either gaining or losing breasts at any time. Oh, wow. And there's no, like, meter or, like, HUD scoreboard. You just have to judge it by the size of the opponent's breasts. They're bouncing huge. You're like, they're losing. God, we're closing in. Or winning. Finish the opponent's breast. They're bouncing huge. You're like, they're losing.

God, we're closing in. Or winning. Finish the job, boys. It's not stupid, man. We're game developers. It's not stupid. No. It's genius, man.

That's what liberals want, man. That's what they want. God, if they had just gotten this to Bobby Kotick on time, they wouldn't have had to sell. They could have fixed everything. They wouldn't have had to sell. They wouldn't have had to sell. He was pumped to sell. He probably made so much money.

He was the only winner for that deal. He's getting a fucking numerous massage right now. Every day. He's all up. That's how he has it for breakfast. With his eggs. He starts the morning with one. What a tough way to start a morning.

You know how I learned about what a new massage is? I was in All In Path's chat years ago, who is a poker streamer. And it was talking about WSOP, which takes place in Vegas. And poker streamers and chats are so culturally devoid. It's just a wasteland. And his whole chat was just talking about getting hype on getting beat off in vegas for new room massages i'm like this is so weird the chats are horrible specifically because there's like a five minute delay so the streamer can't interact with them

no they can't yeah that it's it's not the other thing what's the other thing no that's yes i'm saying that's why they like just do their own thing and they just start talking like a chat room about getting jerked off in vegas and the streamer can't be like stop until five minutes after that conversation happens yeah i did have ace queen in that spot it is kind of a 50 50 if he goes all in i feel like the poker chat is just all the dudes who get bored in the Amaranth chat. Yeah, I think it's the same DNA. There's people who want to learn poker.

The people who chat are just weird. It's not about learning, though. It's about being a... Much like watching someone play a video game, you are watching to think that maybe you could be just like this guy. Do you watch a poker stream and be like, It's like watching someone play a video game, you are watching to think that maybe you could be just like this guy. Do you watch a poker stream and be like, oh yeah. It's like watching someone play a video game. You're beating off.

You're beating your shit. I think it's... I mean, it depends, right? You're like, oh yeah, you gotta know he has a fucking big hand there. And it's like, okay, guy in the chat. Usually when they play tournament, it's like the closer, like when Lex got close to winning like a Sunday millions, the viewership starts climbing. Yeah, it's like... closer, like when Lex got close to winning like a Sunday millions, the viewership starts climbing.

Yeah. Because they want to be there for the dub. They want to be there for the dub. It's all slop. It's just slop with extra steps that put you back into zero. Hi, dubbin. Hi. Touch your foot for you, man.

We're recording this early before Fez 50. dude you got we're recording this early before before fez 50 and you know there was there was a small little little controversy a little hate you got when you announced the event but you know i feel like it's kind of kind of blown over from what i could tell and people are getting excited for this event now and yesterday nick yangli was here and he was on twitter and he was like dude i'm always like what are we getting like more heat for this event again, man. Something's wrong. And I was like, what could possibly be going on? He already had this earlier controversy. It's over. Is there a new thing? He's like, I don't think so. I think it's the same thing. He tweeted that he's going to stay away from the event as much as possible. And I'm concerned because as he says

this, I'm leaving the office. And I'm worried because I feel bad he says this i'm leaving i'm leaving the office and i'm worried because i feel bad it's like oh that sounds stressful like the events coming up i wonder how like ludwig's feeling because if he has to say something like that it must be pretty serious and i can't check twitter because my phone is fucking locked out of twitter and i log in with a usb key don't know why It's not working on my phone. Only on X. Only on X, it doesn't work. And I haven't, I'm not able to check the tweet for like the next two hours.

So I'm imagining what could have gone wrong and like how Dubbin's feeling. Because I feel bad that this is happening. The cold one's Chad Ball's picture dropped again. Yeah, for the second. A second coming. A second ball pick is at the timeline. And then I finally checked two hours later, pull up the tweet.

It just says, stay awake. Stay awake for the broadcast. That you're going to be trying to stay awake. I wrote stay away. Because I saw it too. And I also saw it the same thing as Nick Dingling. But you're fucking illiterate. And then I edited and corrected.

Oh. Yes. You can edit? You pay for x.com? Only on x. Only on x? Can you edit? Only on x.

You're an editor. I'm an editor. Yes, I'm an editor. God. Now, I just thought this was Nick Yingling being a fucking moron. No, it was me being a moron. Yeah, because I saw the same thing and I was like, stay away. I thought what you thought. Because I saw the tweet and I thought I was awake.

And then I changed to awake and all was good in the lane. You have like a problem in your brain. Because I had a typo? No, because you always do this. It was a typo. Making typos is a thing that happens. I typo so much. No, but he's fucking a dubbin'.

He's the guy. He can't communicate through text. We've been talking about this for years. I do. Go years i do dude i actually did have a question for you this is the first time in a while that you've sent me a message like this but i wanted you to like decipher it for me i just wanted to get inside the evil mind of dubbin like 11 squirts like we still think about that we gotta move on imagine the ill mind of hopson was ludwig the whole time like you go about ill mind of ludwig and that's what he did before streaming and we have we always have the videos we always okay i'm asking like a clarifying question about

a shoot that we have to do and then a few and then hours later like the or the next morning i say let me know about this can call need be and then a few hours later I say, let me know about this. Can you call? Need be. And then a few hours later again, same day, let me know if you have time to call today. And then you reply just, today though. No punctuation. What does that mean? What does it mean? Today though.

Today though. Let me think about that. Today though. Today though. What did you mean? No question mark. I can guess. There's no about that. Today though. What did you mean? No question mark. I can guess. No question mark. Zero punctuation. It just says today though. I think what he's trying to say is today

is busy and I don't feel like doing that today. That's crazy. Part of me thought that. I thought there was another option that meant like today I know a though we why don't I got there? Okay? He meant to say today's tough. Yeah Dude cuz Aiden keeps doing this thing. We're like

I'm gonna finish my sentence. Yeah Do you think I shouldn't do you just Before you say something I Reply to this with what do you mean question mark to which I get no response? Well, that's on you. I figured out in seconds. Hey, he didn't keeps doing this thing where he same day tries to chisin pin me down Oh He tries to same day- He's like, he'll be like, can we meet today by the way?

Can we talk today? And then it's like, and it's like, bro, I can't do today. Today's tough. Today's fucked. Today's, today's though. Today? Today though. Today though?

That's where it goes bro! It's a little double entendre. No. How much time is he taking away from you in these calls It's more so that it would just throw everything else in kaputs. I need five minutes It's a tight sketch have you considered that he has a tight sketch I tell you this guy's was not tight No, I always know the schedule tight. You know what he busted open for you It's what it is. I need to talk to you about our things have been asking about for two weeks

It's tight sketch The kids slamming day of do you offer up Iraq yeah never never Yes, because it's about merch that makes so many racks it makes you a lot of rats It's typically the one rack he likes I just one I can't make it make just one rack Well that's That seems like an issue You gotta pay that Oh my god

Why do you like him Having a harder job I don't I have a hard job He did call me I'm trying to fucking He did eventually call me that day Thank you

I was just frustrated Did you get the answers you needed Up until Up until this message Of today though He's been, he's been great. He's been great for months. There's only so much dubbing. You know what I mean?

Look, man. Yeah. Everyone wants a little fucking piece of dubbing. Suck of the tea. I just want to go on a sunset walk with him. I don't. Can I ask you something? Yeah, you can ask whatever you want

babe do you guys okay have you ever heard of of cum or sperm in literature being referred to as the person's name do you know about this no this is this is i just learned this this is a common thing in books especially in in like Spuddy books, where like from the woman's first person perspective and she'll be like, Tom was dribbling down my thigh. Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah. Dude, I didn't know about this.

No, I've never heard of this in my life. And I have an English degree. How do we know it's Tom? I've heard of this. I used to beat off exclusively to written prose. You just beat to books? To prose. How does that work?

You're like reading it actively while stroking? Oh, I'll read the prose. Do you have to like stop beating off to turn the page? Mm-hmm. Well, I would scroll. Are you tapping the tip to turn the page? Like you're doing one of these? It's a scroll.

Again, it's not a book. It's like one of these? You page like it's a scroll again it's not a book like one of these you keep thinking it's a scroll or when he says scroll he's talking about the scroll you would find in a cave I'm talking about phone phone scroll you go boom boom

boom like you have to get to take your hands off the phone he's looking at his little you want to add to the scroll wrong wrong hand you're you're you're scrolling and then take your hands off the phone. He's looking at his little, you want to add to the scroll? A wrong, wrong hand. And he's like, ew. You're,

you're, you're scrolling and then you make a little Ludwig on yourself. Yeah. And then I, and then I, and then I say Ludwig all over me.

Ew. Ludwig to my jorts. You got a big, you got a big, big basketball shorts full of Ludwig. Oh, what a big old basketball short.

That'd be the worst type of pants to sperm in. Yeah. That would suck. I'm saying. I'd hate to get Ludwig all over my shorts.

You'd get Ludwig all in your basketball shorts? That wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. They're cheap. You can just buy more. Ayo. Ayo.

Pause. Uh, yeah, for years I just read prose. Dude, standing up in a- I thought it was easier

to jerk off my gay sister is getting married and I thought just now I could stand up and yell pause when they kiss

dude oh it would be so funny to do everyone would laugh everyone would laugh I'd probably make the day better the guy filming

the wedding would whip to me yo pause you make a tiktok out of it where the sky goes dark and it does inverted colors and it does the vine boom sound. Oh, cool.

Yeah, do we have to go to your gay sister's gay wedding? Do you guys want to go? Sure. Is it a long ways away? Yeah, my sister would let you go. I feel like you can't make that call. Oh, I got people. You't make that call. Oh, I got people.

You can make that call for her? Yeah, well, it's going to be like a big wedding, so I think it wouldn't matter.

My, it's $100 a place setting. How is fucking $100 a comment from now on with me? You pay to play. You don't want to talk to my man,

you pay to play. You're talking a little too much on this podcast. Look at his face, so defeated. He's like, I just want to make those weddings. I don't think Nick knows to my man You pay to play You're talking a little too much On this podcast Look at his face So defeated He's like I just want to

I don't think Nick knows weddings Nick knows ball with my bros He doesn't know ball Uh no I know nothing about weddings Do you know ball? Please I just know I just know my sister

Would just say yes to this Dude we had this idea earlier When you weren't here And even though you said you would be Where Uncle Weddings Wedding Emporium Come to Uncle Wedding For your wedding needs.

And it's like an uncle who does all the stuff? No, it's just like his name for like wedding services. Welcome to Uncle Wedding's Wedding Warehouse. Okay. Where you can go buy your whole wedding. The one-stop shop for the whole wedding. The one-stop shop. Uncle Wedding will take care of your wedding.

The one-stop shop for weddings and boy love. He does both. Is that what you're talking about this year? No, no. How? How did you get there? Boy love. He does both. Are we talking about this earlier? How? How did you get there? It's focused on the wedding. It's in the corner.

It's a very visual. Can you explain what boy love is in this content? What's that fancy section on the back of Best Buy? It can only be purchased and understood. Don't look at your phone. Don't look at your phone. Look away. Look at what you built. What's the section of Best Buy?

Magnolia? Yeah, it's like Magnolia. Magnolia does sound like a fucked up deep web porn site. It does. No, it doesn't. Yeah, it does. It's a flower. No. It's like what you, yeah, that's what you get in the documentary about the FBI.

There's nothing good happening in Magnolia. You guys have gross, corrupt brains. Maybe, that's true, but also the world is a terrible place. That's probably where the rhymes come from. You guys are the ones who are making it that way. No. You think we're making it that way? Look up Magnolia, Zipper.

No. Don't look up Magnolia. Don't put.ru after. We will get all of our computers taken away. The boots have torque. Is that what you want? Guys, you have gross brains. You're jerking off too much.

Well, can you cleanse? You think I'm beaten? You're beating too much. I'm actually at record low beats right now. And it's still crushing us. Can you give me a palate cleanser then? I got dirty mind. Can you clean it up?

Clean up your mind? Yeah. Give me some Ludwig mind palace cleaning. Yeah. You want to make society so much better? The strong hands of yours. Yeah. No, I was watching a Hope Corps video in the bathtub last night. What's that?

It's like where you collect a bunch of water and you sit in it It's like it's like a video of like like a good example is, who's that basketball team that does all the tricks and shit? Globetrotters. Globetrotters. It was a Globetrotters player, and he teaches his kid how to spin a basketball on his fingertips,

and then the kid gets it, and they jump around together while playing inspiring music. See, I already want to go back to having a dirty mind. Yeah, this is boring. It's beautiful. Wait, it's just like a montage? It's just beautiful moments of humanity

with hopeful, inspiring music. You know what the analog to that is in my life? It's those videos of zoo animals that were rescued by people and they reunite with the people that rescued them in life as adult animals and they hug them. Yeah. That's hardcore. Shit like that. 100%.

Well like when they raise the monkey and the monkey comes and hugs them. Yeah and he jumps in their arms. I just thought of one of those videos where like a soldier shows up to school and like their kid's there and they haven't seen their parent in a long time. But then Aiden's also there and after the kid gets a hug, Aiden

wants a hug because he was so touched by the moment. He just likes hugs. He walks into frame and he's like this. And he doesn't know anything about it. He doesn't know anything. Just let me participate. What are we doing? At the middle school.

He was speaking. Would you do a commencement speech for your high school? No. I would. Why not? I would for sure. That'd be awesome. Yeah, I would do mine.

That'd be fucking cool. What would I say? Fucking Mr. All the times I beat off in this school, huh? Dude, Mr. Hutchins. You guys beat off in here too, huh? Mr. Hutchins. Okay, so just pause on that thought for a moment.

What? He's just, do you hear what he said? Mr. Hutchins. What? No, go back to what he said. Do you moment what he's just do you hear what he said Richard Hutchinson what no go back to what he said do you hear what he said no

Mr. Hutchinson used to play with this shit he goes you guys probably beat off in here too so a 28 year old man is going to get up there no it's my high school

it's his high school I used to do it there too I know but you're still in front of a bunch of kids talking about beating off oh my god you're such a puritan a bunch of kids talking about beating off. Oh my God. You're such a puritan. You know what else does that?

Health class. Checkmate. Checkmate. One point for Christians, zero for atheists. It's different. Why? Because I feel like my health teacher wasn't like, guys, I'm beating off. Your health teacher was a football coach.

My health teacher wasn't like, hey guys, I'm beating off. You guys are beating off. Like, let's just cut the shit. That's what they do, bro. They go, it's normal. And then they go, hey guys, I'm beaten off. You guys are beaten off. Like, let's just cut the shit. That's what they do, bro. They go, it's normal. And then they go, this is how I stroke my shit. No, you know what the reek. And then they reveal.

And then they get to it. They reveal a penis. You know what these high school coaches do is they'll literally tell their students, like the football team, be like, I want you guys fucking jerking your shit. No jerking the showers. There were literally police beating off to retain testosterone to win the game. I don't think that works. I know of a certain

Super Smash Brothers player that was told to do this by his org. Right? This happened. This did happen. I don't know if we're allowed to leak it, but a certain top-level Smash player was instructed by his org to... Wait, leak it? I don't believe... It was saying to leak it, but we not a certain top-level smash player was instructed by his org to wait legal I don't believe it was a it was a love we told him to not to jerk off Archie you can bleep it it was it was

They were told okay, I believe that please they were told Two things one to not bring girlfriends to events, to retain testosterone, and not to beat off. Why do you need tea? And this part is not made up. And also to watch the movie Creed. I think, like, am I crazy to say famously,

you don't need tea to be good at Smash. You don't need tea to be good at Smash. Yeah, I mean... Oh, I don't know why I didn't know what you meant. Yeah. You don't need T. To be good at Smash. Yeah, I mean. Oh, I don't know why I didn't know he meant. Yeah. You don't need testosterone. Yeah, it's this like weird like thing. All you need is a good I think many players

have proven that theory. Yeah. Like being trans makes you better at Smash, if anything, not testosterone. They're cheating. I've been Oh my god. It wasn't Adderall this whole time. We've discovered the new epidemic. You motherfuckers.

That's a performance-enhancing job. We are on to you. Cody shows up with some naturals. What's wrong? Now that I think about it, Goody got a lot better recently. It's a buff, man. That's crazy. No B.

That's gotta be a wives tale. So back to what I was saying. It's a wives tale. So you're commencing speech. I'm like, y'all beating off here, huh? I hate you. I was beating off here too, huh? I wouldn't do this.

Why? It's honest. I wouldn't do this. And then I'd say. Those are things we think, not things we say. That was poignant. Then I would say Then I would say Follow your dreams

Because you only have one life Wow One love Beautiful One love And then you play The Bob Marley song One love

I play the song From the Girls Got Wild commercial I play the steel drums As I walk out Mine would be different Yeah You're doing it I'm doing it

Yeah I would love to do I can't believe you would say no You would do amazing Are you going to your reunion? I'll go to my reunion Did you go to your reunion? No I skipped it bro

Mine happened Dude you're fucked Yeah he passed It was whack So They're all whack They're not supposed to be fucked It was whack

Cause people Didn't show Yeah Mine's this year And yours is next year Mine is next year And yours was last year i heard like 20 people show one of my fucking good friends jen was like pull up to the reunion

and i was like bet he said pull up and then the reunion passed and i was like did you even go and she said no oh and i was like bro you didn't even go one of your wait you said one of your high school friends yeah they're probably like big glasses uh plaid shirts dumped in a locker uh asthma this is what she is yeah this is like one of your friends in high school because you guys were no we were cool man the same we were cool back in high school i used to run that job stomping grounds when that improv trip at the party i had a couple tweets it'd get like 200 likes i was like that was the whole high school that's the whole graduating class they saw that twitter in high school was lit i had had to delete all of those

tweets because they're just identifying of every... I'm pretty sure I tweeted out about a history teacher that I had a crush on. Oh no. Yeah. She's so cute. Yeah, man. Beautiful. We all got our day moms. She knew so much about history.

Oh, man. I think being a high school teacher would would be fun for one year for fun for one year it would be fun ask our friend who hated it a lot yeah David he was a high school teacher he still is to this day this very day I think what sucks about teaching is doing it for longer like cuz like I think the one year is great the one year's lit it's amazing we're in math class you're still dissecting frogs fuck it but then you get like attached no no no no no what teaching sucks because of the and if i may get a little woke here or unwoke i don't know it's the it's the the restrictions that the state puts on you to

like go for standardized testing that make your curriculum have to go inside these guidelines. Wouldn't do it. Right. I got one year. So you would lose your job. But the thing is, it doesn't matter if you're only teaching one year. I got a school rock situation. Basically, you have to shoot for high test scores that don't necessarily teach kids.

And that's what teachers are really frustrated about. Fucking what happened? necessarily teach kids and that's what teachers are really frustrated about fucking what happened my mom they have like these standardized tests for the state and all the kids were just opting out because you can just opt out yeah and then if you opt out it counts as a zero for that student and then my mom was like yeah everyone's fucking opting out and i was like shit i would just say that you can't opt out and then she's like that's not how it works in the land of the free that's not how it fucking i'm like that's crazy in the colonies. I think we made this exact joke. Mm-hmm.

God, we rule. We did talk about this, yeah. We fucking rule. We did. It's been fucking hot outside. How am I? It's been too hot. It's been too hot.

I'm trying to go on walks, and I'm sweating. And I'm like, why'd I wear a jacket outside today? Do you guys like my new hair, by the way? Nice. Looks soft. It looks good. I've actually not been bald this whole time. It looks full, dude.

I grew it out. Thank you. It looks good. I've actually not been bald this whole time. It looks full, dude. I grew it out. Thank you. It looks full and voluminous. It looks like it would be anti-odor. It looks like you vote Joe Biden. That shit looks breathable, too. What you're guys saying is invasive. I want you to know that, but I actually have a confession.

Okay. I am bald. It was me on these the whole time. I can't believe you lied to me i was wearing it on my head which you can do but you don't have to wear it you can wear it on your balls and cock and butt on your other head on your other head and if you don't have one of those you can wear it on your the whatever they call a vagina on your lady head on your yeah on your monkey well i will I will also call it that.

But the cool thing about Factor, look at these bro. Factor, no. The cool thing about MeUndies. The cool thing about MeUndies, let me look at those, is look, they got llamas all over them. They got llamas on those. They got different patterns, solids. They also have classic if you want to like, not take off your underwear in front of a girl you don't have a mat yet. Boom, just straight black.

Straight black. Breathing, both stretchy, super super comfy look how stretchy they are bro to to be for real to be fr for a sec i have like 10 pairs of like normal ass boxer reefs and then i have a couple pairs of these and when i put these on because i have i've been too lazy to get them from the company uh i'm like i literally have like a better day like it's just softer on my nuts and I think that's important and you can also wear it like Nick is wearing like some sort of when you're putting your t-shirt on call us the training bra like yeah like he's about to brace for a bench record please did by the way it will not protect you it will not do not bench using me undies it won't keep you safe

Just normally if you're comfortable off those little plums years 20% off your first purchase plus free shipping meundies.com slash zipper. That's right. Meundies.com slash zipper. This is my job. 20% off plus free shipping. Meundies. Comfort from the outside in. What does that mean? Oh, and you can get comfort from the inside out

too. Why don't you take us home, Ludwig? I don't know what that means. Hey, it's hot, it's sweaty, and you gotta take care of the plums and the pecker, means. It's hot. It's sweaty. And you gotta take care of the plums and the pecker, man. 20% off. Me on his.com backslash zipper.

Get to it, man. You won't regret it. It's actually a forward slash. Alright, back to the episode. I wanted to ask this, and I thought about how I asked it before. Did you guys take your SATs? Yeah. Did you do the SD?

I did the ACT. I did none of them. It's different. I didn't take either. Why? Because you didn't have to if you weren't going to a four-year university. Wow. I mean, I took it because I love taking tests that measure my skill. I knew I was going to bomb that shit, and I was like, I'm going to community college.

I beasted on mine. You got a 1300? I don't know what that means. It's out of 1600. Put it in Microsoft points. It's out of 1600. That's 20 bucks. That's 20 bucks. That's 20 bucks.

That's pretty good. That's two Gamertag changes. Oh, you guys see what happened? Oh, dude. Yeah. The fucking, the name shot. You guys see what happened in the Banks name? Oh, yeah.

Banks showdown. Blood got smoked. Banks smoked it. It was actually really hard to watch. Really? I was saying it. It was actually really hard to watch. Really? I was saying, dude. It was really hard to watch. I didn't even watch it.

What was it like? I didn't know where to watch it, man. It was just like he was losing, and then he just kept losing. Yeah. And it never got better. I'm telling you, dude. It's like when people say

it gets better after high school, it didn't. And it didn't. 1v1 Quakescopes is a different ballpark. Did they play just one nap of it? Yeah. It was one first at 20. That's crazy to do one match.

You don't play a bow five? It was not a bow five. It was a bow one. And Banks cooked him. And he knew where all the spawns were. Instantly was covering the spawn. And it was basically like a difference of nadeshot dying quick or slow. Whoa.

That was it. Yeah. Knowing. I haven't watched yet. Whoa. That was it. Yeah, knowing... Oh, I want to see... I haven't watched yet. This is the last kill. Is this actually... Banks is no-scoping?

He's going for... Oh, he's washed. Uh-oh. This is just the last kill that looked bad. No, but I can see by his... Dude, I can see... This is a whole thing.

This is a whole production. This is a whole event. It was basically like... He doesn't even black scope. They had OG Optic versus OG FaZe. They had New FaZe. New FaZe was really embarrassing and pathetic. Okay.

Because none of them played COD. Okay. So they just got like stomped. Except for your rage. But Brother Banks gets there. Brother Banks gets there. Yeah. He still looks good.

He still has that dog in him. This was a 10 minute game? Uh, yeah. Is that normal? Yeah, 1v1 is not too long, right? Unless you can draw it out with a best of 5. Is this on original hardware? I think so, yeah.

That's fucking sick. Dude, their ass! Yeah? Their ass! I'm surprised! It's worse than I thought! I am not saying anything because I don't know about anything. Alright.

That was pretty bad. Nick would cook. Nick's trying to, he's feeling himself. I'm trying to get involved. I gotta, I gotta because I don't know about anything alright that was pretty bad Nick would cook Nick's trying to he's feeling himself I'm trying to get involved I gotta you don't have can you get me to call up Faze

you don't have I don't have anyone enough can you get Jimmy to call up Faze for Nick I don't think he would do that

you know I asked I asked uh Kelby recently I was like uh so for the yard could we have a could we have a drink sponsor?

Because Ludwig has a Red Bull sponsor. Could we get one? And he's like, you could, but Ludwig couldn't ever be in any of your reads. Oh. And I was like, interesting. But what if we all got different drink sponsors? Oh. And every time we did a read, the others all have to leave.

I want a cool one. I'm saying, what would your drink sponsor be? I would pick Red Bull. I want your latte. You want your latte? I drink the shit out of it, dude. It'll pay. Or, I was thinking, backup option, Bored Ape Water.

Because they sell it at the gas station. Wait, that's a thing? Yeah. Did you see a photo? I did a photo of it. Bored Ape Water? It's wild. I want a drink of it Bored ape water That's wild I want I want a drink

That's it I want liquid death Cause they apparently Pay six million dollars Per hour To people For that Drink

Yeah Great No that's That's just wrong Oh is it Yes Red bull shill Say more

They just don't pay That number Ape water Jesus Dude that's crazy I should have just put it. Yeah. This is at the gas station.

It's pretty cool. Did you drink it? No, I just took a photo. I just wanted the photo. You should just buy the ape water next time. I couldn't stomach giving it money. You know what my drink sponsor would be? Spindrift.

You love them. I love that shit. You love Spindrift. It's like a little bit of fruit in there and it's all bubbly and shit. I hate it when you buy those. I'd do Kirkland. What the fuck? I'd do Kirkland. What the fuck? I'd do Kirkland Purified Water.

Kirkland Purified Water. This is an ad and they pay me and Ludwig's next to it. Ludwig's next to my drink of choice that gives me money and sponsors me every week. Dude, they should make Kirkland Red Bull. Just like store brand Red Bull? Yeah. They probably have Kirkland Energy Drink. It all comes from the same slop world.

Honestly, except Red Bull. That's the only private company that does it. They're not owned by Pepsi or Coke. They really did go their own way, like men should. Wow. Wow. Poignant. What's Ryan Sheckler up to?

I used to love that fucking... Is he bald now? He's still a Red Bull athlete isn't he? He's gotta look like a surfer dad now. He was a Red Bull athlete?

Yeah. Giant Sheckler. Yeah dude. Skateboarder? He was like one of the bigger ones. Correct. I keep finding out that

he had the Red Bull mini ramp in his backyard. Dude he's at Sheck's or Halfpipe whatever it was. Dude he's older as a man.

He's like 35 right? Oh my god he looks so he's an adult man. Always in my head is this forever image of the teenage Ryan Sheckler who stole the heart of Hayley, who I went to school with. He stole the heart of so many girls.

That's him young. Dude, is he balding? He is! He's also not very old. He looks great. He's the same age as you. Is he 34? Oh, he looks great. He looks fine. He looks fine. He's the same age as you! He is 34. Is he 34? Yeah, on the dot.

Me and Ryan, bro. Oh my god. We used to chop it up every day. You could meet him. He's a Red Bull guy. You could meet- I could meet him. There's an 8 in there.

You could meet him. Holy fuck. Me? Just find him. How would I meet him? Just find him. Find who? Find-

Drag him. Find Ryan Sheckler. He'll tell you the rest. Three Red Bulls in the bathroom with the lights off he'll tell you the secrets he climbs out of the mirror I'll whisper I keep feeling bad cause I

I've been watching the new VCT or the VCT Valorant tournament and then I go on Twitter and I realize that the team is a Red Bull team and they're getting fucking trounced out there that like who was the fucking there was a there that like who was the fucking

there's a team that got like 13-3 just cooked and then after Red Bull's like we'll get them next time and I'm like man you're ruining my athlete name you guys gotta get some better Red Bull gives you dinks

hmm that's pretty That is not free You cannot use that I've already By the time you've heard this I've already trademarked it I've already trademarked it

And I won a million dollar For a took a more That's not bad Thank you That's about Wordle One guy invented Wordle for his wife I invented that

He got fucking scammed Do you know that On the day you did your thousand three throws the wordle was swish? No fucking way. Real shit. That's fucking tight.

Isn't that crazy? They knew. They knew that there was a big step on the court today. They know. I know that they don't know because I've been

I've been trying to one shot wordle for a year now. What's your word? Penis. It's never ever ever going to get Why? Why? Why year now. What's your word? Penis. It's never ever ever gonna get it. Why? Why? Why? Then why can I guess it? Woke media.

Two words. Why can I guess it? It's the same reason you can't guess plural words. You can guess plural words. No, sorry, you can but it'll never be a plural word. No, it sometimes is a plural word. Is it? Sometimes, yeah. I'm sorry. I feel like it's never been a plural. When I've guessed. It's just not in the fucking database. One like it's never been a plural. When I've guessed.

It's just not in the fucking database. One time it was mints. No. Like mints meat. As opposed to like mink. Mints mobile. And it's your meat service for cellular power. I think one day it'll be penis.

I don't think it will. Why? Because. Then why can I guess it? Yeah, it will never use plural words that was in november of 2022 penis isn't plural i'm still playing pre-patch i never updated is penis plural peni no come on be real yeah it's penises wake up there's seven penises and then they're all dripping ludwig I think one day it'll be penis and I'll bink it.

And then everyone's going to say, has the New York Times gone woke? That's what you think they'll say. When the penis one drops, they're going to get canceled. But they're going to do it. They're not going to fucking do it. They have too much at stake. What are they losing? Actually, you know what?

Trump is in jail now. Give me a New York Times connections. Cock, ball, dick. Who's up to speed on the Trump shit? Can anyone explain it to me? You can do boner, teats, moans, farts, sicko. Okay, sicko's not a bad word. Porks?

Wait, okay. I don't believe that they will never be the correct wordle answer. Where are they getting that logic from? Yeah, this could have been just like Google AI tells you. Wordle, but the answer's always penis. Can we play that game? Trump got like 34 counts of a thing, and then he's going to get sentenced on July 15th.

That's the interesting part. We're not found. Oh, is it only let you guess penis? It's only penis. So dumb. You should be able to use other words, though. I want to check if there's other words. This is the Bazinga gambit What Bazinga? What's that? You're fucking you're fried. Is it but is it real? Get off that computer. Look up a single

We do baby yard like baby Looney Tunes click it and there's it will we've we've done enough So this is like it's like word, but it's seven letters long. I bank it for a shot. Ready? All right, yeah, yeah. You can't even think of a seven-letter word. That's hard to do immediately. Do it now.

Anthony. It's your name. Obviously it doesn't count. It's a proper word. It's not a word. It doesn't count. Because it's a proper name. You can't use that.

Receipts. Is it? See, look, you have to count. Yeah, it's hard. I can't do that visually. Because. Is it? You have to count. I can't do that visually. That was a good word, but none of the letters are right. Is it penises? Penises one? Like a password.

You're using a lot of E's again. Zipper, throw in Bazinga. Bazinga counts? Oh, God. God damn it, dude. Zynga the Zynga counts oh god how do we not know I did know stupid fucking world my website world we live in the whole time we do that Nick still couldn't think of a seven letter word it was hard

as fuck anything one three two one now It's hard Thinking you just thickens you just do it easier five letter word and then add suffix Know if that was wait it's six at sixact. No, it's not. It's seven. Thick in his head. It's two Gs. I thought it was one G, bro. I thought it was Daijin.

Daijin. Daijin. Daijin the beast. Yeah. If Fast... This will air by the time Fast 50 is over. Yeah. What are your predictions?

Who will be killed? Who will be slaughtered like a cow on top of an Aztec temple? ZFG. No! Yeah, he ZFG No Come on He's gonna be sacrificed Why? He's gonna be sacrificed Anyone else

I'm sorry Literally anyone else No Poikro Do you think he's sacrificed the least valuable or the most valuable? Poikro can get the gods appeased And also his blood can drip down the steps No he cannot

No he cannot And he burns weird He does burn weird. Have you seen him? Yes. Like a damn hunchback. Have I talked about this? Oh, Eric?

Yeah. Are we making fun of his body? I like this. He's got a weird fucked up body. His back is really strong because he rose. He's just really strong. But it's too strong. Because it's so much stronger than his front half that when he plays basketball, he hunches over

because his back takes over. Yeah. He's such a good climber. He's like Venom. He's got weird proportions like an attack on Tyson guy. And so he would burn bad. Yeah. Nick, I would love for you to try out my new challenge.

What's your challenge? It's the cube challenge. What's that? I have a tungsten cube. Okay. It's 45 pounds. Oh, I saw that. Mm-hmm.

And you have to pick it up with one hand. I can do it. Do you have it here? Yeah. Right now? I mean, it's in my car, but... Okay. Go get your tungsten.

It's 45 pounds. I'm not going to get it and bring it here. Oh, my God. I thought it was strong. So it's a good strength thing, right? Yes, but also a strength, strength thing. But you can lift 45 pounds. It's mostly strength strength thing, but you can live 45 pounds It's mostly your hands like anyone can live 45 pounds

And you want to take a dumbbell right yeah, yeah, it's like a 45 pound dumbbell Yeah, you could go without a hand must easily lift one of those sure sure yeah, so it's hand strength That's finger strength. It is it is getting under it and lifting it though. It's about picking it up That's why it's the hand straight. Yeah, it is. It is grip strength. Yeah. I think I'd do good. I think I have really good grip strength. I can do everything. We'll try it later. Are you bringing this

to the broadcast that we have? Yeah, I think I'm going to put a dono goal for 100K to drop it off the roof onto. No, dono goal to shot put it into Eric Poincrow's head. I feel like you just want. Okay, you just want him dead.

Yeah, you just want to get there you just want to eat it i don't want him dead he could also eat it it's the densest metal how would he cut it open with a saw a diamond saw okay which you have because you bought on an amazon stream you're rich man everyone can i use chalk it? Yeah. Dress should be allowed. It's fine. It's a difference maker. There's always some shit, man. He always needs some shit.

This is why he won the sperm egg battle. He was like, can I use chalk while I try to fuck this egg? Yeah, and look what I... What, you guys won honestly? Yeah. Yeah. You just had honest hard work in there. I won the double elimination bracket. Dude, you were playing against fucking plumbers in there.

Classic speed. Dude, you did not have a real fight like me. Janitors and plumbers. You were back in your day. I was in SoCal. I had a real fucking bracket. Half you guys were swimming. What you're essentially saying is there was a lot of competition in your mom.

Yeah, dude. I don't like that implication. Your swimmers came from the bar. They were half-assing it. Dude, they were like, bar tournament doesn't fucking count. Bar tournament doesn't count, and I'm like sweating my ass off to get born. Dude, he's got cliche and zeo sperm fighting for knives in there. Ours was a democratic process.

We voted. No, there's no way you won an election. With that chest hole? That's why they voted me. They thought, you know what? We'll bring the deformed one, but not too deformed. Did you? Because there was a sperm in there with just no limbs.

Yeah, yeah. And they're like, we can't. We need him to be a leader. Yeah. Did you run a smear campaign against the other sperm? Oh, 100%. Was it dirty? Was it down and dirty?

You did psychological warfare? There was a guy exactly like me, but without the chest hole. And I was like, he's going to be alright. If you want him, you can have him. You also had to describe what that was in 1995. They knew it. They didn't have that term yet. They knew it.

Yeah, they had that. It's a scrap in there. I'm glad you made it. Thanks, man. Because I like you, man. I'm glad you made it, man. It's so cute that we all made it. Why?

We're all wearing black shoes. I always wear my shit. I mean, I wear Crocs. I'm not different. Aiden asked for these, actually. Here you go. Thanks. Thank you.

Why do you want it? I don't know. For the shoot. He's a little freak. Need them for the shoot. He's a little freak boy. Aiden's always doing a shoot now. I know.

He's always... Dude, he's so Hollywood. He's so Hollywood. That's why he's dressed the way he so nice dressed the way right now, dude Did you put product in your hair? Yeah, man when it doesn't look like shit. There's product in it. Whoa That's just lazy. Yeah lazy a little bear I like my little bowl. I wish you a bus and out of that shirt I wish you were just busting out of that shirt.

You know what I mean? I want 40 pounds, man. I want to be... You and Ian need to throw on 40 pounds. Eating is fucking hard, man. It's so done. And I'm busy. That's the easiest part, you fucking idiot. I'm busy keeping up with the middle liter of chocolate milk a day.

I'm wondering what 34 counts means. Do you not know? I kind of know. He got charged for hush money. I know what he got charged for, but it's 34 counts. I mean, there's probably accounts of fucking hush money, lying about the hush money. I know what he got charged for, but it's 34 counts. I mean, there's probably accounts of fucking hush money, lying about the hush money. And he's going to get sentenced a few days

before the Republicans pick their nominee, which is insane. Dude, if he goes to jail, that'd be really funny. If he goes to jail, I think he can still run. Can someone explain to me How How Uh He wouldn't go to jail Uh Cause he could just pay A big old fine

I think he can probably Appeal to I don't know if he can Just pay a fine I don't I don't think that's it I don't know how bad it is You get that many counts

And you're just like I'll pay for it I think he can just go to jail For either For a short period of time Comment section Wait guys Depending on the charge there also are things that are not prison that could be could be adequate you can fucking appeal it

all the way down what would a different version of prison be for him 34 counts of falsifying business records okay so every business record counts as a case of fraud and then intend to commit a concealed other crime oh so in the interesting thing here if you will is that there's i think i believe three more criminal trials that he has to go through whoa there's this is not the only one no it's just what if he was instead of sentenced to prison, because let's be real. Yeah. That's not right to send a man to jail. Wait, he could just become president and pardon himself.

Men shouldn't go to jail. They have too many things to take care of. He can literally become president and pardon himself. Yes, he could. He would do that. I would too. Yeah. But let's be real.

What if he was instead sentenced to only smoke mid only? Okay. Dude, that would fuck with his aura a bunch. I know. He would have zero emotion. Dude. Like, I don't know. We did the check on him.

I feel like the Trumpers are all about motion. They are. If he had no motion. If he had no motion that he doesn't get in. Someone argue it's literally all he has. All he has is motion. If he started stammering and shit. Oh my God. i was sitting next to

yingling and auto yesterday just trying to convey how fucking insane this is like how insane it is that a former president has been formally charged with a crime like this and and i'm trying to contextualize to yingling the other things he's done and i'm talking to him about is like dude one of the other trials, get this man. He calls the Georgia secretary of state. He asks for more votes and it's all recorded. You can go listen to it. And Yigling's like, whoa, that's fucking.

And Yigling's supposed to be explaining this. He's like, that's kind of beast mode. Yigling's like, so he's a president of us? Like all of the United, that's kind of beast. He's like, so he's a president of us. Like all of the United States. Wait, can you look up Tucker Carlson's most recent ex tweet? Dude, it's crazy. Dude, this tweet is insane. I've never seen this.

Oh, my God. He said, he said, he said, free Sosa. And I'm like, fuck, man, I just got to get on this guy's side. Yeah, Yingling, like just slowly learning through like us by being around us, which we're not even that plugged in about the world. Yingling's the least plugged in of them all. He also didn't know who Tucker Carlson was. And he said, OK, yeah, click on that one. Import the third world, become the third world.

That's what we just saw. This won't stop Trump. He'll win the election if he's not killed first. But it does mark the end of the fairest justice system in the world. Anyone who defends this verdict is a danger to you and your family. Pretending Nick Mullin reading this. Dude, is that crazy to say? It is. I feel like it's it's it's just it's beyond the content of the tweet

I think it's also insane because it's like half a call Halfway through a riffraff freestyle He's like right up until now it was the fairest in the world Yeah, like every decision made was actually really, really good. Except for this one. This one's fucked, guys. I don't like it. Oh, yeah.

So that's pretty crazy. So if you or your family is worried about American democracy, go out and do something about it. Do you think that if Donald Trump and the Trump administration reached out to

Uncle Beast and said hey we want to do a collab do you think that he would do it we give each other 100% not Trump's like hey you can have Trump and you can put him in a room for 100 days

he'll do it You'd only do it If he could also get Joe Yeah yeah yeah You have to appeal to everyone here I'd put Joe and Donald in a room for 30 days We might as well make the room a coffin You just give Joe

A couple of little shaped triangle And square blocks and you'll have a time of his life dude. It's Joe Biden in the Mr. Beast burying himself video. They're like, all right, Joe. Joe come out. Joe come out. But before that, I'm imagining.

It's not funny Joe. I'm imagining the president of the United States just sitting on a crisscross applesauce on the ground, playing with that thing at the doctor's office. Oh yeah. The little, what is that thing for man? I don't know. But that thing. the doctor's office oh yeah a little a little what is that thing i don't know but that thing is it math that thing's cool like wacky abacus and he's like man there's all kinds of shapes on here and he's fucking playing with it what if what if it's somebody like a little more distance from trump not trump

himself you know like trump's on the phone he's like i want you to i want you to give distance from Trump, not Trump himself. You know, like Trump's on the phone. He's like, I want you to I want you to give Jared Kushner a massage. I mean, that would just be such a such a tank. You said Jared Kushner, the average American genuinely likes. Who the fuck is that?

I'm not kidding. That's cringe. And it's crazy that you would say that. I just want Jimmy to give Jared Kushner a massage. You want it to be What's wrong want that? What's wrong with that? No, there's nothing wrong with that Just give it give him a call and be just deadpan just hey can we do like a new room?

Massage he's gonna say he's gonna say what's that? I say what's the links already coming you already sent it like To what a newer massage what link wiki how new room massage yeah it's just watch mojo top 10 so i'm basically saying jimmy can you jerk me off no you're saying it's not it's they're so crass and it's disgusting let me see that johnny yours i'm crass how to give your partner an erotic massage Let's go I want to find out Zipper this link is yellow why has it already been clicked

Set the mood with candles and incense And incense Undress your partner Dude look at him smiling He's like yeah nice boobs Yeah Use lotion or massage oil It's gonna smell nuts in there

Lotion massage oil candles and incense it's gonna smell nuts in there. Lotion, massage oil, candles, and incense. Why is this on the fucking wiki? Okay, we're starting from the bottom. Okay, no, no, you start from the top and you go to the bottom. I always skip feet. Wait. I always skip feet. There's nothing wrong.

Focus on neglected areas. You're skipping them. Do some full body strokes. The thing is, Nick, you go straight for the tush, and that's why you give a bad massage. I go, oh. I'm watching this like waiting for the part where it says and then just fucking slide it in that's it that's all I think the fact that you're thinking

about sliding it in means you probably give a bad erotic massage it's a sexual massage it doesn't have to end in coon no you're right it doesn't but I was the wiki how I thought it would be funny if there is a wiki how illustration of a guy Just yeah, he's with one hand start to stroke yourself Yeah, I go right for the dish

Kind of tired Climbing earlier my fingers tired No, I meant I skipped the feet for me. Oh, you don't like a little foot? I don't like a foot massage. No. I get a little sensy. I'm ticklish, dude.

I hate massages as a whole. Why? Because they don't like it when they fucking touch me. They're a beast, dude. They're good. What's beast is sitting in a fucking bath and then coming out of it refreshed and never, ever having pain. What the fuck are you talking about? I hope that's with Beast.

Does that happen to you? I go in and I come out like Achilles. Do you use them salts? I use magnesium salt, yeah. That's what Shake does. Shake uses salt on his bones. It's good for you. Mr. Beast, I think, could sway elections. Yeah, he could. Of course he could. I think that's fucking crazy. He could weaponize the youth.

Literally the biggest influencer in the world and the term is not lost. I should be Cashing in on that he should he can only do it once like he know he could go to like other countries No, but he only really gets one good shot at it because the moment he influences an election it will fracture his audience But let's say he goes to Jakarta. Mm-hmm, right and then he influences an election, it will fracture his audience. But let's say he goes to Jakarta. Right. And then he influences an election there. Yeah. And he gets, now he earns a portion of revenue of an entire country.

This is what the US government does. Natural resources. This is just literally just what we do. Yeah, but Jimmy privatized it, bitch. You're talking about privatizing influencing elections? I don't think he can do that. Yeah, privatizing color revolution. Indonesia I don't think he can do that. Jimmy can move the needle on an Indonesian election. Indonesia is bigger than Jimmy. Yeah.

Yes, but Jimmy can talk to the people. Indonesia has about as many people as the States. Yeah, it's close. Yeah, I know. I'm not stupid, man. He could get a piece of that. I don't think he could influence it. Yes, he could.

He could get a piece of their exports. I think his Indonesian, because people in Indonesia love Indonesia. They don't love Jimmy. What's like an easy to target country? San Marino. That's a town. No, that's a country. Oh.

It's also a town here. What about Wales? Jimmy could mobilize all of Wales. Yeah. Like a Welsh local election. And they cut away from the fucking the British the United Kingdom? Fuck Wales. He could get the UK.

The UK has like 17 million people or something. That's a little tough. Okay. 70? 70 mil? It's not about the people.

It's not a lot. It's not about the amount of people. It's about the amount of influence he is willing to break off and then earn as revenue. You want him to

own a little country. I like the idea of Mr. Beast. You want to go back to fiefdoms. No, I don't want him to be a little country. I like the idea of Mr. Beast. You want to go back to fiefdoms. No, I don't want him to be a fief. I want Mr. Beast to be able to command MI6 to kill whoever he wants. Yeah. Wow.

That'd be good for Fidget. Or give a massage to whoever has earned it. MI6 but it's the division that is really nice and gives massages to any foreign dignitary. I mean, he could just do that. He could just hire an assassin. And then Putin, fucking Putin, is all the way over in Russia. Fucking Putin.

And they're like, hey, if you're a good boy, you get a good massage from us. MI6 Massage Division. Best of the best. Dude, they would be so good. Like, they would get that shit done quick. And then Putin is like, you know what? I'll withdraw. Ukraine, I'm sorry.

If he gets one good MI6 massage. Yes, dude. Which is a division that will only be set up if Mr. Beast influences the UK election. Right. For whoever they want to install. All we're missing, Aiden, is a little post-nut clarity from Putin. And then he's like, whoa. He doesn't have to nut.

You said yourself, it's not a sexual thing. I then he's like, whoa. He doesn't have to nut. You said yourself, it's not a sexual thing. I feel like, okay, sure. then, so yeah, Mr. Beast influences

a foreign electorate which is the UK. He installs a shadow puppet government helping them. I don't even think it needs to be a shadow puppet government,

does it? Because he influenced the election. And he still got a guy in that damn circle. Like he still loves it. There's's still got a guy in that damn circle. Like he still loves it. There's some motherfuckers still in that damn circle wanting 100 grand. 100 pounds.

He's still a maniac for it. That's the thing. He loves his content. One rep from every state lasts to leave the circle and becomes president. Dude, they would be dirty as fuck in there. they would play dirty games oh yeah dude ted cruz would fucking like break someone's neck to become the texas guy

would definitely shoot in the air huh he's a senator i know yeah he said representatives oh i thought he just meant like a like a person oh yeah i'm just meant a rep like from the state i know what you mean though congressman. Don't ever correct me again. Okay. Okay, sorry. I do like the idea of it being a random person. That'd be tight. And they just get to become president for a day.

They couldn't do much. They could pardon whoever they wanted. That's true. They could go to Florence ADX, the super max prison in Colorado where fucking Pablo Escobar is. I mean the other guy uh choppo and then free him they could can you free someone that way doesn't it you're the president is that a is that a federal prison uh yeah oh yeah yeah you could i guess it's like crazy serial killers like

terrorists and choppo you're president one day what do you do i free choppo do you do what that guy you said you want that guy to do. Yeah, then I put him back in. What do you do? You free him to put him back in. I'm president one day. And then take credit for putting him back in. Yeah.

President for one day. Everyone has to submit a mixtape. You need 10 tracks. Everyone. You need 10 tracks with good fucking beats. Don't send me mids. And if it sucks, the death penalty is back on. Wow.

And you are killed. Wow. That would be so, who's going to listen to it? You? Yes, obviously. That's so much. You don't have time.

It'll take the rest of my life, but I'll get a lot of good ones. That's impressive for a day. It would be his life's work. Wow. You know what fucks with this? AI. AI does, dude.

But I would know. You would know because you're in touch. It'd be does, dude. But I would know. You would know because you're in touch. It'd be like, it'd be like, I'm sipping lean out of a, you know, alien cup. I'd be like,

you don't do that with my alien cups. Except if Riff Raff said that, it actually would be his. If Riff Raff said that, yeah, because it'd be like a lowercase I.

For one day, every school in America, instead of playing the Pledge of Allegiance, plays Bayou Drink. Or Writer by Cheney. You made me want to sing it. You made me want to sing it. instead of playing the Pledge of Allegiance plays Bayou Drink. Or Writer by Cheney. You made me want to sing it.

I didn't do it though. For the whole fucking day. And they have to all stand up during the whole song. That'd be a great day. Everyone would love that. What are you doing, Aiden? One day. What's the chance of you rolling with me? One day, Aiden. What do you do? You're president. President Aiden.

Fuck, dude. I mean, Widen, what do you do? You're president. President Aiden. Fuck, dude. I mean, woke finally takes the White House. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus Christ, dude. Finally. We all gotta wear shirts like that. Character way in.

That's our life's uniform. Yeah. Everybody has to wear a uniform. Everyone has to choose. Gay or bi. I take the military to Canada right away. Wow. To do what?

To integrate. Oh. You take it over. You make the great north. Yeah, I take the great. I do what? To integrate. Oh. You take it over. You make the great north. Yeah, I take the great, I take back what's mine. How many states are in Canada? They're not called states. They're not states.

There will be afterwards. In territories, right? Thank you. Provinces and territories, which will all become states. Eleven. Uh, no, there's ten provinces and three territories. What's going on in that Vancouver, British Columbia, then? You know? Narwhal. I think. Uh, no, there's ten provinces and three territories. What's going on in that Vancouver, British Columbia

then? You know? Nardwar. I think. Dude, we could get Nardwar back. Nardwar? Yeah.

No, he'd be American at the end of it. Nardwar versus MI6. We'd claim them. Nardwar versus MI6.

The dog's off. Trying to come challenging. Okay. So I heard Mr. Beast is the one who created this division.

Nardwar giving a new room massage to his favorite music artist. Well, I hope we gave you an auditory Nuru massage. Wow. I hope we did it, dude. What? I hope through your ears you felt. I don't want. Depending on the audience.

I hope you. Oh, really? The boy love warehouse is drawing the line. I don't shop there. Uncle Wedding owns it. When you get married to Zipper 2, Uncle Wedding, you will have to shun your eyes away from the boy love part. The magnolia. Yeah, the magnolia.

There's leather chairs. I like walking through the Japanese comic book store and there's the porn section. Oh, dude. Shaved black. It has and there's the porn section. Oh, dude. Shaved light. It has little tiny curtains for the section. For the boy love section. Okay. I like that.

We're going to develop that in the Patreon episode. Yeah, all right. We'll see you soon. Patreon episode? Goodbye.