The Yard - Ep. 155 - We replaced him.

Episode Date: July 3, 2024

This week, the boys are joined by Stanz! They discuss what Stanz is most proud of in life, everyone bailing on Ludwigs birthday, and how Slime would sneak into Stanz house...

🎵 Yan, because he needs help with something. Oh, he needs help. Oh, Yan needs help. Yan needs help. What's new? You know what he needs help is on the court. That lost little pup.

Come on. Nah. He's been showing up. You've been gone. Yan, how's he been performing? on the court that lost come on nah he's been showing up you've been gone yeah yeah and how's he been performing he's been eating i've heard he's been feasting i've heard i don't fuck with you you can't just make poop you do fuck with you i don't fuck with you employ him you fuck with him inherently what about him don't you like the last time we played ball he said he said i was like let's team up and he goes and he didn't pick me he was the captain he didn't pick me he was the captain

he didn't pick me he goes I goes what happened because we were fucking 1A 1B right Romeo Juliet and he goes

sometimes a bird's got to leave the nest oh you've already yeah described it so you still don't like him because of that that was the last time I played because he doesn't want to play with you

but we're going to play in a couple hours we're going to play right after this I'm going to put him down like a dog you're not going to hear about Yen anymore after We're going to play right after this. I'm going to put him down like a dog. You're not going to hear about Yen anymore after this. Do you know what's funny about Stans is that he has the bussing haircut that all teenagers want.

If he had a low taper fade, it would. It is funny because I've had this my whole life and it was really uncool most of the time. I know. And now you're in your 30s. You go to a basketball game and you look around at all the kids and they look exactly like a young person since 91. It's uncool for a totally different reason now. Yeah, exactly. It's like, oh damn, you're just trying to keep your youth. They're getting, they're getting perms.

Yeah. Get a look at your face, bro. People accuse me of getting a perm. But yours is just like this. Which is crazy, I'm too old. For the first two years I thought you got a perm. No. And then I thought you had Jewish heritage.

Now a lot of people have thought that. I've been accused of that. What are you saying? Why do you want to accuse us?. I've been accused of that. Why do you say it? Why do you say it? It was on a lovely video. They said I'm the most Jewish goy they've ever seen, which a goy is apparently a non-Jewish white person. I thought you were saying girl with an accent.

No, that was, I went to Arkansas one time, and hey, I'm a little chubbier guy now, but I was even chubbier, and we were at a creek, and there's a big cliff, and you jump off. No, you're not. Okay, whatever. You don't have to do this for me. This means nothing to okay whatever you look great

uh thank you i appreciate it you look like shit if it means nothing it means nothing you look like you you're a fucking problem uh in what in all ways you look like on the court you look like you should be in jail for like federal crimes exploring your body would be a treat go ahead so why were you in arkansas it doesn't matter to him nothing matters to him sure that matters this yeah this rest of it doesn't uh wait that matters let him talk man exploring my body would be a treat and that so that matters to you this is this opens up a new line of thinking that i hadn't explored before this is why britney broski doesn't fuck with us because you don't let people talk britney's

broski does fuck with us i do see what happens i do let people talk i don't have her number if you could give me it she doesn't fuck with us you think you she fucks you don't even have her number well i we only use can you dream with me for a moment we're in arkansas you really want to get back i think it's it's too late i think no i don't remember why you thought i said jewish girl which is the only time jewish boy we always get back. I think it's too late, I think. I don't remember why you thought I said Jewish girl, which was the only tie in there. Jewish girl. We always get back to the original plan.

We always get back. I wanted to watch him squirm. About Brittany Broski. Because I have to squirm because I'm in this fucking zombie lighting. You are. Oh, we lost monitor, so I don't know what you look like.

And then he has to squirm. One week without Nick, it all goes to shit. One week without Nick, we lost our lighting. Because he's in Oz right now. My understanding is that he does most of the work. Is that true? That's true. That is true.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Got it. Yeah, yeah. So the one week he's gone, lighting being different. My dumb ass is here. He does a lot.

He does a real nose dive in quality. It is a nose dive. We've had a lot of 10 out of 10s. Nick's like, he's looking at the rope different. Yes. Oh, recently. Recently. Is that why you said you're willing to move to Sweden now?

No. Oh, the yard's going to die. I think so. Because he's like, I'm moving up my itinerary. He says the next year I'll go. He's like, let me move my plants up. Yeah, I remember. That's so funny.

We have the sunset lighting, dude. You got the sun? Yeah. And we don't even have Nick. We have Stans. We have Stans. And ships fall apart. It's just like when a sitcom adds a new character because the main character left. It's way worse. You got the sun yeah, oh, we don't even have Nick we have Stan's Sitcom adds a new character because the main character left

Will Ferrell in the office It was will fair on the nail again is well for a couple days I think stands is a better we can say whatever one because Nick's not here. I think Stans is a better, we can say whatever we want because Nick's not here. I think he's a better rapper than Nick. Oh, interesting. Wow. I think you have- Nick likes rap music.

You're saying it like you don't. Because that surprised me. You're saying it like you don't like it. You know, I do. But I think me and Nick actually have similar tastes. I think we- You fuck with Komethazine.

I think like I heard him once say he went to an Atmosphere concert and I was like, what the fuck? That's crazy. Did you listen- He does sing a lot of's crazy Did you listen to sing a lot? Listen to Illmatic every day of high school for four years. I didn't but I do like it

Okay, maybe maybe a little bit of a different trajectory But there's definitely a like Midwest rap got white people from elsewhere in the country into it pipeline I think we both went through that well Nick likes to continue Being put on so like right now he's into new music like yeah he's listening to sniper 2004 never heard of it right so it's like what the fuck are you doing um you're stuck in the past i'm old now i'm listening to podcasts about gardening what the fuck you think i'm doing actually of course that's awesome you know what actually makes me feel bad is my dad like i i, my dad does too, but

he grows weed and he's got this big weed. It's like as big as a Christmas tree. It's like tied up with strings. It's got light and he's got HVAC for just that room. Oh my God. And I'm like growing tomatoes. Why don't you grow weed like your old man? Because I'm not cool, dude.

That's what I'm saying. You could be. You could literally just grow weed. But I don't smoke weed, so why would I do it? Okay, so my neighbor neighbor i went to their house they invited me and cutie over and we chatted and they're drinking wine and then they fessed up the the wife of the house fessed up that she grows weed really and i was like to consume and she's like i don't smoke it and i was like that's beast she's out there like dispensing she

doesn't sell it she literally says she grows it for the love of the game because apparently it's hard to grow. You have to flip it at some point. This is like the lemon tree in my backyard. It's just... That's just an L.A. thing. Some houses have lemon trees. I grew it.

You're not even home half the time. Welcome back to the yard, episode 178. Please, for the love of God, tell me why you're in Arkansas. Arkansas. I have some family there. You have family from Arkansas? Well, they're not from Arkansas. They're from Mexico, now live in Arkansas.

I want to lick your body like a salt cube. It would be salty. I'll just wait until after basketball. I'm a horse for you. I'm your horse. How so? You want me to ride you? Just ignore what he says. Or I'm a horse for you. I'm your horse. How so? You want me to ride you? Don't.

Just ignore what he says. Or I'm the salt lick. No, he engages me. Because horses lick salt. Yeah, but if he's my horse, then I'm the guy. I'm your horse. And that's it. You're my salt.

And we're together. We are together. And we'll always be that way. I'll never, we'll never know. Until the yard dies. Because this is the new. This is the new yard. It stands forever now.

This is Nathan when I say it stands. He's the forever host Cause this is the new This is the new yard It is Sands Forever now This is Nathan When I Sands Sands He's the forever host Of this podcast Forever I think we ran the same bit Last time when it was just us three Yeah

This is the podcast now Wait you guys did a one With you three Yeah me No It was me, Nick, and Sands dude Cause you were both gone You were on Epstein

I remember this Was this like a main episode Or a pre? It was a main episode I didn't believe they could do A main episode with me and Adam. Stance was on? Dude, yes.

Brutal. Dude, we heard. No, you had COVID, actually. 19. Because you... It's crazy. The illness? Yeah, you did.

And so we had to cancel, and then it was the next day, just the three of us. Right, right. Yeah, it was making me woke. I remember that. Yeah, that was shivering. Wow. You came back afterwards. Please, God, I just making me woke. I remember that. Yeah, that was shivering. You came back afterwards. Please, God, I just want to know.

I want you to finish this sentence without him saying anything. The problem is there's been too much preamble. There's been too much drum roll. Please, the horse is getting wild. You have to finish. So we're at a creek, and there's a cliff you can climb up, and it's probably about 15 feet. It feels longer. But you're jumping into a creek, which you can like walk in you feel like it can't be deep enough but these kids are jumping off jumping off jumping off and in high school i was a little bigger and

i had very long hair like to my shoulders long curly like nice wig you know that uh yeah twitch streamer kind of like that and i'm standing up there and i'm pacing and i'm like i can't do it man and this little like redneck is like, tell that Jewish girl to jump, man. And it didn't. I walked back down shamefully. It was terrible. Oh, my God. When he said Jewish girl, it just reminded me of a traumatic story.

Walked home and threw up a mezuzah outside your door. That's sad, man. It was brutal. That's kind of sweet. I used to get bullied all the time. I used to get bullied for my little chest hole. Really? Mm-hmm.

How often were people seeing your chest hole? It would be like, you know, soccer, soccer tryouts. Wait, how? How what? Shirtless soccer tryouts for kids? He'd show up at school at 7 a.m., and the kids that were there for weight training at 5 a.m. would tie him to the ground and then eat cereal out of it. I did have someone eat cereal out of it, they posted it and that got me some roasting.

You've eaten cereal. This has happened so much to you. You know what you should have done though is become one with the earth and grow a little plant out of your chest hole. That could be a stream! I would be afraid that the roots would penetrate my skin and heart and kill me. It wouldn't because you'd feel it first

and you could rip it out like Tony Stark. I would be worried about what a rat does if you cage them over someone's chest yeah it wouldn't you should do this growing uh growing something on my chest hole and it's until there's literally a sprout it would take a couple days yeah i don't think that's a good idea oh yeah it's not a bad idea and i thought i thought this on stream earlier. I thought I would never, ever die to a plant. There's not a plant on Earth that would beat me. How so? I just wouldn't die to one.

None are strong enough. There are some plants. And I was thinking this because Elden Ring, because I would die to some in Elden Ring. And I was like, how unrealistic. The big sunflower. How unrealistic. Did you die to the sunflower?

Yeah, the fuckers. You didn't one-shot him? No, he's got like 8K XP. Oh, we really want to talk about one-shotting Mimic Tear over here. You're letting fucking Huey, Dewey, and Louie do the fights for you. Yeah, my goats. You know, I think that's the best way to play the game. I mean, the best way to play the game is one that gives you a challenge.

It makes you feel good when you beat it. I don't even think you need that. I don't think the challenge will make you feel good. Who is Huey, Dewey, and Louie in this context? Summoning. It's summoning Aiden. Because you can have people fight your battles for you. This is a new thing for him

because he did that before, to be fair. Yeah, didn't you do this in your first run? Yeah, this is how he played the game and now he did one thing without it and he's trying to make someone feel bad. This is how I did my first run and now I graduated. Hold on, is the whole first Elden Ring run

is summoning bringing in an actual other player? He is summoned in an actual other player summoned in an actual other place to wait It's a big bro. Give me a joy. Thank you and I'll be nice. I mean, there's two ways to do it You approach the boss room and sometimes if you have online enabled There's you can summon like a human guy who's just waiting to help you because some people just want to do that They get yes, that's like how they get their joy helping someone else to get like a rune arc I think and oh, yeah, you can get a rune arc, which are nice to have. Or there's an item in the game called a spirit ash,

and there's like a hundred different spirit ashes that summon an NPC that you can upgrade that can also help you. So you get like special spirit ashes. You can get like a guy with like fire swords. I would summon a hot minotaur that I called Goofy, and I would say, Goofy! And he'd fight for me.

Did you? That's funny. Yeah. This guy's funny. There was like eight halflings I would summon, and I'd say, go Ludbuds he'd fight for me. Did you? That's funny. Yeah. This guy's funny no more, man. There was like eight halflings I would summon, and I'd say, go Ludbuds! And they have big great shields. Dude, that's so funny. Huh.

Uh, I like the wolves. They were my doggies. But I've moved on. I've graduated to no summons, no magic, cause that is the wave. But the biggest one in the game, the most important one, and they actually patched it to be weaker, which is called the mimic tier, which you summon and it's just a guy that's you. It's a copy of yourself. Okay. So if you're jaded and geeked, and frying, it's insane.

They have a lot more health. If I'm geeked and frying, then I can mimic myself with more health. It's like making two 8-ins to double team one guy in a barn. Right. Stance. Any guy you want. The boss. The boss. The salt, the great salt cube stance. I guess, speaking of, we should address, we've been called out.

We've been called out? On Twitter. Oh, dude. I don't know if you saw this. Kony. Oh, by Kony. You said me? Nick Merckx.

Dude, I love the shirtless hat backwards meta. I think, honestly, it's innovative. Yeah, well, I don't know if it's innovative. It's innovative. We're intending it, but it is funny. I didn't know he hunted elk. He does eats it raw right off the bones i didn't know it was the high school party still you guys got called out i didn't i i'm the j cole of this you guys yeah because i was i was defending coney right and he's called you guys out because and i'm j cole

and welcome drake it was fucked up because he was like he was boasting about his feats and to his credit he was a great brawl player we've talked about this but then he brought up like his fall guys tournament wins and i'm like if that's where we're going i got some w's oh yeah i think i'm like the third winningest fall guys player in history because those early twitch rivals really the money was good you know what i mean it was like what I mean? It was like a 50,000 dollar tournament Yeah It was stupid

We got third in like three twitch rivals in a row and the money was nice I got Fall Guys W's, I got Amogus W's, I won the Doritos championships Yeah Mmm By the way, fuck you Twitch.tv and Doritos company Because I won a lifetime supply of Doritos, never paid out They stiffed you? Never paid out

Motherfuckers I know Well it's good because Doritos never paid out really stiffed you never paid out Motherfuckers, I know well it's good because Doritos have cancer in them. Oh, it's true. That's right Who are they owned by real quick? Let's just pause in a bit. This is Pepsi co free to lay free don't laugh fuck to some sort of sponsor. It's PepsiCo and Frito-Lay. Okay. Is it PepsiCo? I had it. PepsiCo owns it.

Oh yeah, ask AI. Fuck Doritos. I had an internship. Scare me. I had an internship that I applied for. I had to do a delivery ride-along and then go to the factory. Like police officer?

Like I went to, I woke up at three in the morning to drive two hours to Southern Washington to get in a large delivery truck with the guy who brought chip bags to gas stations and grocery stores. And then I did that for a day. And then the next day I went to their factory and saw how chips were made. And then I didn't get the internship.

That's crazy. Why did you have to do all that shit? Because I needed an internship. Why did you get the internship? I don't know. I made it to like the final eight people. What did you internship. Why didn't you get the internship? I don't know. I made it to the final eight people. What did you do? What did you do to the driver?

What did I do to the driver? It was like a manual car. You kept going, ah. Changing gears. He's like, the clutch will fucking fall out. Do not do that. Did you see the video of the guy on the plane and he's checking the fucking gear and then this woman goes, ah. She goes to touch it and he freaks the fuck out on her.

Yes. On the helicopter. Yeah. It's a helicopter. Yeah, that was, I see why. Yeah. I see why. For me, I don't even put my phone in airplane mode.

I ride a little dangerous. You ride a little dangerous. You'd fuck around with the helicopter pilot shit. Maybe. After what happened to Mamba. Does anyone put their phone in airplane mode at all? I do. You do?

Of course you do. That's crazy. Hold on. Because I watched a video. You cuck video why they asked you to do it and i was like this makes sense it doesn't have to do with the plane you're in it has to do with uh you destroy your phones like battery uses a bunch of power trying to connect to and then uh you also if enough people are doing this all at once all the time it destroy it gets uh it fucks with the bandwidth of like the the cell networks that you're flying over so it's like a oh it's like a societal good it's like putting

the car back in the parking lot i'm because i flew boston to lax i'll fuck over like colorado's michigan's fuck them that's over canada for bit. What a fucking West Coast elite thing to do you fucking That I'm a coastal elite. That's disgusting you are coast to coast What about Arizona you chill and chill on Arizona never he puts it in airplane mode over Arizona going there cuz you have to fly north. Oh, so you know your flight path Yeah, cuz you have to go in Ark right tell them cuz if you fly south It would be longer because you'd be going over the equator where the earth is wider.

Duh. Really? Yeah. That's why when you fly- I flew to Korea, you go like up to the Arctic and then back down. You go so far. That's the shortest path. When my dad used to fly from New York to Hong Kong, he flew over, literally over the North

Pole. He was straight over. Dude, okay, what I'm asking is if you flew over Arizona- I would turn off. I would turn off. That's what I'm saying. if you flew over Arizona, I would turn off I'll turn off That's what I'm saying respect that state because you have a fucking degree from there I respect that purple state that I got a degree for purple series do degrees purple state. It's crazy I'm two degrees got a big plan this year I'm listening out all the dead bodies in Arizona this year and then voting for them

I'm getting a huge check. It's like this year and then voting for them. That's my point. Very nice. I'm getting a huge check. It's like a Fall Guys check, but it's from the Biden administration. Biden, stay me out. He just pays me to go and knock on doors, man. Stellar debate performance. Do you take credit for creating the Arizona State Esports Club? Esports Club?

Yes. Why'd you differentiate something in your head? Because Brandon started the Starcraft club. Oh, okay. And then you expanded. And then we started playing League of Legends

and it was like, let's just expand here. Let's get bigger. And then we started playing Melee too. And that, so he made the Arizona Esports club,

which eventually became I'm with slime actually. I think he's still doing this stuff. I'm in thrall. That is cool. Sorry. I'm with slime actually I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall

I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall

I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall

I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall

I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall

I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall

I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall

I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in thrall

I'm in thrall I'm in thrall I'm in and then not follow up with anything. You know, you don't get to laugh your way out either. I was going to ask you, what was the craziest thing that happened at ASU, man? The craziest? Well, you were there before us. You were there before us. You knew Breslin was a little young jit. I have no bits to run here. When Breslin was a young jit.

I played League of Legends for about 14 hours a day. Did you really? For four years. Great question, Slasher. Jesus Christ. I didn't know you were a league head. You and HR both? Yeah. We played together. That's what we did. But we didn't queue together. We just que Slasher. Jesus Christ. I didn't know you were a league head. You and H-Rack both? Yeah.

Yeah, we played together. That's what we did. But we didn't queue together. We just queued up at the same time. We'd be on Skype. Three, two, one, go. Because then if we're on the same team, it's a free win because we can talk.

If we're on any teams, it's just like, that's fun. Did you ever hit Challenger? There wasn't Challenger at the time. Dumb bitch. But we hit like top 500, which is fucking cool. It's really good.

People are good now, though. I just can't believe you don't know that. You know who's good now? Fiddlesticks dude. You can come back. I didn't know he was that old. I know. Top tier jungler. That's your shit. I might. You little fiddle. You won't. You scared. It's not a scared thing. Tyler was gonna send you a fucking explosive in the mail. Yeah. He's a child. He wouldn't do that. Although it is crazy that he said on stream after the birth of his child My life has gone downhill since that show match nobody respects me anymore, and it's like you had a kid since it happened

You should have had one good thing I mean we should check that's great 19 at least yeah, yeah, I think in 19 fluff 2K, didn't he? Nah, chill with that. I mean, we should check. That's crazy. He hit 19 at least. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he hit 19. Why are you fluffing him up? I thought he actually hit 2K. That's okay to fluff the goat. Megan. Yeah.

You can fluff the goat. You can fluff the chess goat. Well, it's debatable. Put it this way. He's the most interesting chess player that's rated that high. Here's the thing about the chess goat is that it's not clear cut yet. It is. It's not thing about the Chesco is that it's not clear cut yet. It is. It's not. MC?

No. MC? You could say it's Kasparov, right? Wasn't Kasparov better for longer? You can't say it's Kasparov. You could.

So it's literally not clear cut. He did it longer, 20 years. Yeah, he's better for longer. Give it to your dog. I think it's Magnus Carlsen for sure.

I think it, I would also pick Magnus. Dude, you are a 200 rated player. This is like when people who don't know how to wave dash say that fucking H-Bucks is the GOAT. This guy talks about basketball every week on this fucking podcast. Nobody says that. Nobody says that.

You're a 200 rated player in basketball. Huh? You're a 200 rated player in basketball. I've never talked about the GOAT. Hand of God. Oh my God. Hand of God, I never would. Also, I'm not 200 rated.

He's kind of a Larry Bird guy. 200 is pretty bad. I'm better at basketball than 200. Okay, well, first of all, I don't of a Larry Bird guy. 200 is pretty bad. I'm better at basketball than 200. Okay, first of all, I don't have a rating because I don't play at all. Worse than 200. So probably worse than 200, if I'm being totally honest. Do you know the rules of chess? Yeah.

Then you're better than 200. Okay. This guy does not know how to fianchetto. You don't need to know how to fianchetto. I don't know what that is. You don't need to know how to castle. You just need to know how the pieces move and you can do better than course. I know and then I move my I move my knights out first. I destroyed him in chess once I believe you

Destroyed me. He won a long-winded game of chess against me. You said long-winded It was only long-winded because it was over the board and you took forever to move What do you mean you took forever to move because and complained about how And complained about how he was over the board the whole time. And then said, I was going to be hurt when I lost you because my ego can't take it. And I was like, I have nothing invested in this. I do not play chess. The girls are funny. I'm just saying he's lying because it took forever because he took forever.

He also, he was asking Nick for help to beat me. That's crazy. Yes, he was. Nick was his next question. You asked Nick for help to beat me. That's crazy. Yes, he was. That's crazy. Asked him for help. I would never let another man tell me what to do. Why is a man?

Also, I've decided after something's tipped, I think we're going to put a jar. We're going to get a slime jar on set. What the fuck? And every time you commit a sin of something that you complain about, you have to put $10 in the jar.

Wow. Because it has to hurt. It has to hurt you. It can't be like a dollar. How the fuck does $10 hurt me? No, because it'll add up over time. Because it happens all the time. Can you give me an example?

Yes. Back to back. You asked last night what time we were recording today. It's in the group chat twice. And you were tagged. And then when he didn't read your message about where you were and how you were going to be late, which you also hate,

when we said what the time was way in advance, you said insane to him, reprimanding him for not reading the group chat, even though you had just done it twice. But I do it way less. That's, I don't even think that's true. In the past six months i actually i will keep score i'll keep score it is dude this is like uh this is like uh this is like when you

know the relationship's gonna die is when instead of talking about it you start keeping score like it's a fucking leaderboard he can he can have that shit that's what he's i know i think that shit is all you can do this is the easiest the easiest way out the only reason I care about this is because of how critical he is of the other person when they do the same thing

yeah that's why because if he if he didn't get on your case about it then it's all fair game I think it's reasonable to ask what time

the podcast is at because there's a lot of stuff that goes to the group chat it's hard to read everything I know where your anger comes from

I've moved past the need for anger but I think a slime jar I give him so much comes from. I've moved past the need for anger. Do you understand? I give him so much shit because it's an indication of the larger Ludwig issue that has plagued our society. Larger issue? What's a larger issue? I agree. Hold on.

Hold on. Pause. There's been Ludwig issues. And now you pick. Look how easy his malleable little child mind is. No, no, no, no. Now he hates you. You're getting fooled by the Benny Jesserites.

No, no, no, no, no. I would never. Don't listen to him, no, no. I would never. Don't listen to him. I would never. I would never. 2024 Ludwig? Pretty good, though. Amen.

2021 Ludwig? Dude, nightmare. 2021 Ludwig? Nightmare. We used to get beat with rods, and now we get beat with smaller rods. And you're like, this is pretty good. I think everything's cool. You don't get beat with shit, bro.

And that's disgusting. It's like he hits me with the rod and then he kisses me. You either have to break up or you have to forgive my past transgressions and move on. You have to pick. Cause you don't get to do both. What happens when you're late again and you're like, haha. When's it happen? When's it happen?

Don't see it happen. Okay, okay. Hold on, hold on. See? I'll build the case. Nah, that's alright. You're gonna build the. See? I'll build the case. Nah, that's alright. You're gonna build the case. You're gonna build the case.

You're gonna be a toy for everyone. Hold up, my administration has to build one case at a time. We'll get to your case one day. Of course, this is probably- This is a big file. I would like my attorney to talk for me, Sans. I was gonna say. Tell me, I mean, how am I doing?

You work with me. I will say the last two weeks, bad. I've been gone! And I- You've been gone basically, you've been gone mentally. I've been gone! I've been gone. And I haven't passed four days. Basically, you've been gone mentally. I've been gone. I've been gone. You've just been out of it.

Where were you gone last week? Where have you been gone last week? I was playing Elden Ring. Yeah, I'm telling you. It's ever since even pre-Elden Ring. Actually, it's tough. You checked out a little bit. I've been playing Elden Ring.

We recorded Unpaid Intern. You got the video. You didn't share it with anyone. You're like, I'll make the title and thumbnail. And then you dipped for a week. I was cooking in the lab with it. You were cooking in the lab with it? Was he cooking in the lab with it?

I saw him. We'll get a lightweight jar. We'll sentence everybody to a jar. Let me ask you this, Stans. You're actually a perfect candidate for this because you're more impartial than us. Obviously, we have partisan beliefs here. We're hurt.

He's trying to attack me even though we're allies. He's a class traitor. You're like punching me so boss will think you're cool. I love switching sides. And he loves switching sides. He does love switching sides. He's got a fucking fresh haircut. Looks dope.

Do you think his fresh haircut looks dope? I do think it looks- You know what I think happened? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You know what I think happened? What do you think? He watched the debate, he saw who won, he went high and tight. He said, I'm a military man now.

Stand black and stand by. I think he looks like he's shipping out to basic, dude. Stand black and stand by. Yeah, look at it. I saw him. He's a proud boy now. This week, Afghanistan was the biggest mistake. This country is ever made. Pull out how you should pull out.

We left some good men behind. Billions of dollars of equipment. I, you know what I will say? I went into, when I travel, I get haircuts. And when I got my haircut in New Hampshire, it was this 19 year old kid. And I'm talking about, I'm like, what's your dream? He's like doing this.

I'm like, hell yeah. This guy's probably fucking rocks at it. And i'm getting the cut we're talking he's like all the girls nowadays are twerking on tiktok i'm like who doesn't like that i'm like are you on tiktok he's like yeah i'm like well can you maybe you're part of the problem and then this guy comes over takes over he's like you're doing it wrong older guy that's not what you want to hear in the middle of america i get quiet yeah and the guy's trying to make the same small talk as the other guy made with me. I'm not having it.

He's always twerking on TikTok, huh? You're like, who the fuck is this place? You should be looking at it. 19-year-old takes back over. And then I'm like, okay, back to it, back to it. And they're in the back of my head, so I can't see what's going on. Yeah. Older guy takes over again.

He's like, I'm doing it. You got to watch. You got to blend it here. I asked for a low fade. Yeah. They brought that shit high. That is high. They brought that shit high. And the issue is when it comes to high don't

Fucking say anything slime. I won't I have a birthmark in the back of my head. Can you see it? Where where do you want my cock don't even see the contact with my cock. Do you see his fingers, but it was just right here. Yeah. Oh, yeah It looks fine. It's so it's by the way. I found out so I Care about like things that are I didn't know that until this week It's a family birthmark my aunt has it my sister has it my mom has it really it's a family birthmark My aunt has it. My sister has it. My mom has it.

Really? It's a family birthmark. That's a thing. They have it. I looked at their heads. It is a thing. I thought it came because I thought they pulled me out with forceps too aggressively. They pinched.

Yeah. Yeah. That's it. It's like the cursed dark sign. What is that? Stance, I have a question. Sure. Do you think we have a case for how mad we get?

Okay. And it's just, and be honest because you can be his, his, his horse or his cube here. Yeah. Do I think you guys have a case for how he has wronged you? Based on how he is working. This is a rare instance of our guest having it, having a working relationship with him in the same capacity that we do. Right. So I remember back in the day when Offbrand was just you, H-Rock, and Ludwig.

Yeah. And you were the only one that actually, like, when it came to, like, communicating and doing stuff for, like, the brand deals that you guys would get. Being a human being. You were the one that was really good. Thank you. And Ludwig was Ludwig, but it was okay. Yeah. Because he's the face of it all.

Because I also lived with him, so I was like, okay, I can just go talk to him. Sure. And then H-Rock was, like, also really bad. When you want me to defend you. What do you think? I think you guys definitely have a case. Of course. That's why you're freaking out.

Wait, wait, wait. Your heads are rolling around. All of the fucking presses, I have to assume, based on the things I've heard and even seen here, that he probably has a case against you guys, too. Yes! Heidi is just kind of like a toxic relationship between each other. In one case. You are a corporate shill.

And you would say anything to save your little high. I got a case against both you guys. I got no cases. It's a very simple case. Zero cases. My birthday is next week. Do you guys want to come and hang out? Yeah.

What the fuck? Do you want to come hang out for my birthday? Yeah, Qantas booked it first class there Australia on my birthday. They're both leaving my best friends in the whole world are leaving Nick's already gone You know I was gonna bail on your birthday until I heard that We had some friends come up we we're gonna see a Blink-182 concert. Blink-182? That's so funny. That's so funny because when Cutie was messaging me, Cutie was messaging me about this, she was like, dude, his birthday's gonna be me, him, and Stan.

Oh, that's worse! She said it'd be two. No! She said, me, him, and Stan's LOL. Come on. I'm not a bad thing. Come. I'm okay. I'm okay. You know what?

You're right. I was worried you wouldn't be surrounded by people who love you, and so we canceled. We sold the tickets. I think we already... We're making time. I want to be there for your birthday. You want? We got a little day planned.

You want to? No, you don't. We got a little day planned. I'm not hanging out with you that day anymore. I decided I'm not hanging out with you. Why? You said you'd carve it out. He's doing all the out with you. Why? You said you'd carve it out. He's doing all the work. I'm busy.

You said you'd carve it out. Wait, what were you gonna do on his birthday? There's a day in July for his birthday after we got back from Australia that I said we should all hang out together and do a little day. I'm busy. I'm hanging out with my real friends. We'll be back. We're your real friends. That's what I'm talking about.

He's gonna go to Blink-182. He doesn't hang out with me to be fair. He's literally going to Blink-182. That's my day one. Is he flying out? ConnorDogVA is flying out. He will be there forever. Because of Anime Expo. Anime Expo ends three days before.

Oh, how convenient. So, my real fricking friends. No, no, no. Anime Expo ends three days before. Oh, how convenient. So, so my real fricking, my real fricking friends. You really fricking, fricking friends. I do feel bad if it makes you feel better. No, but you should feel that way. That is a correct feeling. Did you remember it was his birthday when the trip was planned and booked?

Yeah. Or did you realize after? They booked it and then said you should come too. Because like, I don't know people's birthdays. Dude, it's during Phantom. I knew it was his birthday because his birthday's on my calendar, but the event is that weekend, and it's an event that I founded,

and I do not want to miss. You were conscious that it was his birthday when you booked it. So I'm going to go to the event. No, of course I was. Like our previous time in Australia, I was like, wow, it would be cool if we all went together and had a good old fun time. Oh, you're shifting the blame. No, of course I would. Like our previous time in Australia, I was like, wow, it would be cool if we all went together and had a good old fun time. Oh, you're shifting the blame.

No, no, no. To his credit, he also tried, at least as far as I understand, to get another business obligation lined up in Australia at the same time so he could go. Why does he need a business obligation?

But it didn't work out. Ask him. Because it's tough. lined up in Australia at the same time so he could go. Why does he need a business obligation to go with his friends? Ask him. Because it's tough. Because Off-Brand needs money. He's a busy bear, and I actually give him that a lot. And you have another trip in July that you have to go on. I understand. I'm going to Paris.

You're going to Paris? Oh, you're doing the Olympic thing? Yeah, that's cool. With me mom and me sister. It's okay. You know what I should have done here? Because I fucked the vibe up. Way back earlier at

3.05pm when you texted me you said, where are you? Even though in the group chat I said that. Instead of saying, running late be there in 10 I said, insane. That's what I replied with. That's how you felt

Those moments are the crossroads Where I need to set aside My Casual ribbing of Ludwig Which that was But it ribbed deep Deep ribbed for your pleasure My little salt boy

Those never really worked for me They're for her pleasure Yeah they didn't work for your pleasure. Ooh. A little salt boy. That's never really worked for me. That's never really worked for me. Deep-ripped for your pleasure. That's kind of like his role. They're for her pleasure. Yeah, they didn't work for my pleasure, though. He turns it inside out. And instead, I need to just say, you know, I'll be there.

Okay. And that's what I can do because he's not going to let go until I let go. So we can drop the cases. That with confidence, you can, like, pull off anything. Yeah. Depends on what anything is, but sure. You know the theory that with confidence you can like pull off anything? Yeah. Depends on what anything is, but sure. You can do anything. I've subscribed to this theory, but I saw it fail firsthand because it's at

the airport. And you know how they do it in like groups. It's like people who have a hard time getting on. People who love Donald Trump. And then it's like group A. Group A is going up and i'm just chilling like i'm not trying to rush in the line and this guy gets a group a in the situation i'm group a but i'm just watching yeah i'm group i'm group a i just want to make sure that you know

a lot of group a we're not the same you think he's group b yeah i think he's in the back i knew he wasn't but i think people at home are like he could be just like us he flies southwest no no dude i like southwest he does but this was jet blue and anyway this guy he gets up in the in the gate agent goes uh sir this is group c without missing a beat the guy goes i'm disabled okay and then i'm like oh good counter because they call that up they're like if you have a hard time getting on the plane and then the guy the fucking counter guy pulls his sick move He looks at the seat for a moment. He takes like three seconds and he goes, I see you're in an exit row then. You're not going to be able to fulfill your duties.

Can you go to the desk? And I'm like, dude. You saw Balanchine. And then the guy's like, well, I'm able enough to do those. And the guy's like, sir, you're going to have to go to the desk. He starts arguing. He's like, I'll just get out of the line and come in my turn.

He's like, it's too late. Go to the desk. I'll reassign you. Yeah, because he dictated. Yes. He said that I'm disabled. Yes. And it's like, now the plane's liable for that.

And he got so cooked. I've never seen it. But it's the way he said it. Because he'd be like, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm disabled. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because then the guy would be like, oh, totally. You're good.

He could have done it nice. I'm disabled. It's like, fuck you, man. I'm disabled. It's like, fuck you, man. I'm disabled. I need to use DoorDash because going to the room is very stressful for me. And then the agent's like, you poor, come here. Dude, those tweets are fucking crazy. Yeah, Twitter, I think, is a bad thing to be on because it makes you think it is most.

I thought you were talking about people arguing on Twitter. No, I was talking about X. Oh, X. My bad. I've noticed that on the everything app not everyone's on it it's so you start you start to get the wrong idea of what the world thinks yes yeah cuz that is not what the world thinks it's what X the everything app thinks everything everything's on it but not everyone is on it it's like the red button guy it's like the everything app and then the way the world thinks. And he's just sweating.

The same button. Yeah, it's weird. You got to get off that app, bro. That's a lot of what you're saying to me. I had an existential crisis this morning. You had an existential crisis this morning? Yeah. What was it?

Well, I was just messaging him. I was like, Dub and I met existential crisis. Sorry, when you said him, I thought you meant Elon Musk. You're like, I was just messaging him. I was messaging Grok first. Got it, yeah. And then I had to- Grok's like,

more on X. Spend more time here. We have everything. We love you here. We love you here. You're whole. And then I messaged Ludwig and I was like,

I have an exercise request and he said, what's up blood and the blood drop emoji? We just can't. It's separate messages. We gotta- We shouldn't say it, but when I typed it and the blood drop emoji came up, I was's separate messages we gotta we shouldn't say it but when i typed it in the blood drop emoji came up i was like that's a funny emoji it is funny and i was

like i feel like i've wasted a lot of time and i don't know what to think about that and he gave me some good advice and this gave you good advice yeah do you feel like you've wasted time on x that was my question on x on like my life he said said, I felt like maybe I'm paraphrasing, but I felt like he was implying that he is at an age where he should have accomplished more. Yeah, I should have accomplished more with the time that I've had, and I feel like I haven't, and I didn't know I really had to think about that,

and I was asking Ludwig about that. And I said, when did Clooney get famous? That was a great answer. What's the answer? Sarkozy fallacy blood drop emoji basically everything Clooney's ever done came from his age and after right that we know about you know that most people know about because he had his big break on er the show yeah and he's also an Epo baby it took him that long Wow get it

together I'm saying and now he owns a tequila company. No sold it for billions now He sold it for billions. How old are you Stan? You're 33? 32. Dude 34 is gonna hit you fucking hard. It is June 2nd. Good friend over here. I just turned 32. It's 33 is gonna hit you like a truck 31 hit me like a truck. If 31 sucks. Even 33 is worse. 30 years old is so fucking dramatic. 31 is bad. 30 is not bad at all. 30 is like,

oh, it's a cool round number. This is kind of fun. 31 is when you actually, your body starts feeling different. 31, you're like, no, no, no. It's insane. You'll get it.

It's insane. Every 31 year old I've talked to and people over 31 are like, yeah, that is about when it starts happening. Dude, 31 mentally, you're like, ah. But LeBron's 39. Yeah, and he would tell you that is about when it starts happening. Dude, 31 mentally, you're like, ah! But LeBron's 39.

Yeah, and he would tell you that 31 is when it started getting different. He would. Look, 31 for LeBron, think about this, is a 2016 3-1 comeback against the Warriors. LeBron is.0001% of the operation of human beings. He was fresh! And he could have been fresher, is what I'm trying to tell you. Dude, no. That guy averaged fucking 30.

If I cycled blood like that, I'd be the same, you know? Okay. But I'm not. All right. Now we're going to throw it to the blood cycling. Stop comparing human being normal people to LeBron James. I am as athletic as him. Yes.

I believe that with my whole heart. That's crazy. He spends a million dollars on his beautiful body a year. Yeah, well, not the top of it. Dude. The same. And see well, not the top of it. Dude. The same. And see, that's what's fucked up. No matter who you are, you can be King James himself,

and you still get fuckers like him being like, unk. I'll tell you when the emperor's balding. I'm not afraid. You should do the Carlos Boozer. The Sharpie. Yeah, draw it in. Dude, so yeah, 31, when you guys hit it, it's different.

And then 34 is the 34 of 31. Really? It's the 31 of 34. Right, it's like another, it hits again. It's crazy. Oh, wow. I believe it, yeah. I don't know.

I feel good now at 32, but 31 changed the game. I'm 27. I got some age. What is that? Spry, me and you. Yeah, I'm 27. Wow. Young. And got some age difference. I mean you. Yeah I'm 27. Wow. Young.

And he turns 28 sometime. You don't remember his birthday? March. Yeah he does. Don't give me that. March 21st.

Yeah. Whoa. Okay. It's a hard one to remember. I don't know why. Because it's not like a round date. Yeah.

Spring solstice? No. Oh is it? I don't want to I don't care. Okay why. Because it's not like a round date. It's yeah, it's a... Spring solstice? No, it is. I don't want to, I don't even care. I don't want to bring that up. Okay. Okay. Yeah, stop bringing that up.

Stop talking about the solstice. Spring baby. That's something, that's something tough. Oh! Dubbin'! What is it? What is it, man? What's wrong with you?

What is it? I'm so hungry. Oh my god, he's hungry. We've got seven minutes. That's not a lot of time. Only seven minutes before basketball, Dubbin'. That's not a lot of time. I need to eat.

There's fuel. There's possibly no way that he can get enough fuel in his body for basketball. Shut up, idiots! Driving there takes five minutes. I have a plan. It's called Factor's Delicious Ready-to-Eat Meals. Oh my god, Aiden, you absolute filthy idiot animal. Aiden, you can save money and time. We've been sponsored by Factor for years and you haven't thought of this at all?

They're fresh, never frozen meals ready in two minutes in the microwave. And it said you restored to screaming? And they also have multiple different chef-prepared meals delivered straight to your door. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. In front of stands? I'm embarrassed. You embarrass me in front of Stans. Because of that, on the court, I will put my balls on your face.

I'm a picky eater, dumbin'. I'll only eat a couple things. They better have a lot of options. You won't expect it. I'll dip them on you. Of course they have a lot of options. They got 55 weekly add-on options, 35 meal choices, you dumb bastard. Gonna lap my nuts on your face.

Look what he's gonna do to you because of this. And Stans is gonna watch. I'm gonna watch. And he's not gonna be happy about it sad about it don't put your tongue back in your mouth gonna cover your face i don't like that wait pause what i just said that no put it back in stop they got protein plus me you gotta stop doing that you're making it weird for me i was supposed to enjoy that i'm hungry they got they got asparagus and shrimp i could lick it out of the container. They got asparagus and broccoli and truffle butter. That's premium ingredients right there.

Oh, and filet mignon. Yeah, if you want to order something more for later, and we'll get, you know what? For embarrassing me in front of stands, we'll put you in the punishment queue. But before that, we'll go to factormeals.com slash the yard 50, get 50% off, plus 20% off the next box in your subscription.

And one lucky purchaser will join me in the punishment cube. If you want to be that person, get the golden ticket, you can use your code theyard50 at factormeals.com slash theyard50 to get 50% off your first box. 20% off your first box. And, Stans, what do they call that? They call that a good deal. America's number one meal kits.

I'm not getting paid for this one. What are you pointing at me? What do they call that? They call that a good deal. America's number one American's number one I'm not getting paid for this one. What are you pointing at me? What are you pointing at me? Okay! Okay, we're back to episode. Back to episode. I went to play basketball with Aiden yesterday and he was only talking about right-wing politics taking over Europe.

That's the only thing this guy likes to talk about. Yeah, fucking great! It's a good conversation. It's because that's where he's going to live. So he's got to start adopting the culture soon. No, Sweden is going back to the left, as was reported to me. Oh, cool. He did say that was the one country, but likely story.

You said Sweden's going back to the left, as was reported to me. By Armada. By Armada. Checked in with Armada. He got a check in. Checked in? When I was in Sweden, we were talking about politics. My 70s starts very good. I did not fart in the chair. The woke is still strong here.

We don't say any slurs. Yeah, people are being more nationalist. There's a nationalist movement. Look, it's getting a little crazy. It's getting a little crazy over there. In Europe? Yeah. What do you mean over there? Did you see the debate? No, it's getting a little crazy. It's getting a little crazy over there. In Europe? What do you mean over there? Did you see the debate? No, it's fine over here.

It's crazy over here. It's fine over here. We're in crazy town. I think we're holding it together. I see everyone talking about the debate and I'm like, oh, I'll watch some of it. And I was like, dude, that's what I'm saying. It was different. It wasn't like, I know we had some crazy debates in the last eight years with Trump to begin with,

but this one was hard. This one is the first one I've ever listened to where I was in the car and I was getting sad. I was like, dude, no. It was like the debate that would play on the TV in like a parody movie about the world. Like the seventh in a line of like scary movies when it's already bad. You know what I mean? Not like a good parody movie,

but way, yeah. It was not an animated movie. Coherent sentences. That's all I wanted. I had to, I was watching in the car with my uncle. It was just me and my uncle. He speaks only French.

So he was like, what are they saying? And I was like, you're like, I'm not really sure. This is tough to explain because I don't know. It's not a lot.

He's mumbling. I realize that I'm basically just voting for who will put in a Supreme Court justice. That's about the only thing that I feel like matters in an election. You're voting for all the department picks and things like that. Yeah, I mean, he has a team. Ultimately, there's a better guy to pick for all of those things bernie's him and they would do a better job that's bad that's bad well sure but it's not good but what is it that's the prop that's why do you want one guy to have that much

like power and sway i think it's good that they have like teams they have departments built out i mean the presidency was designed to not have as much power as we think. Right. Like, most people think that the president has this insane amount of power when really it's designed not to be that way. I mean, their insane power is picking the justice. Right, and that has been evident. The Supreme Court is the one that has the power. I think we should change that in every eight years. The justices go from nine to one.

They like battle royale and they have to thank the bus driver. They do a Mr. Beast last to leave and that becomes the new chief justice. And what happens to the rest of them? Clarence Thomas in a diaper settling in for the long run. Clarence Thomas wins eight years in a row of the annual

Colleen. He's God ever of America. At the end of the Hunger Games when they're both going to eat the blueberries to kill themselves, it's like Sonia Sotomayor and Brett Kavanaugh. Their love is just too strong. That would be a beautiful story. I would actually love it.

I think it's coming down for me and it's clear after the debate, I think I'm going to vote for whoever fuck me till I cum. Joe, how would you Make me quiver the most How would you make me quiver From the base Joe And he'd be like

Well Jack I'll tell you this I just want to get back to How he said Afghanistan Was done poorly I wish he talked like And it was like Mr. President

It's crazy Mr. President It's crazy Mr. President The question was about Making me cum Again please I'm trying to figure out How to From the deeper

Inside of my body To feel your power Mr. President Dude the best part About it was when He looks at me There's only one criminal here And Trump goes

Trump Weirdly enough Has not changed he's like if you're a Trump head if you're a Trump head you're like dude this guy's running the classics nothing but the hits he's doing a world tour

it's the same tracks he's doing in Japan he's playing the first album I had to re-listen to some of it because I didn't listen to all of it I got back through the part where Trump's like they're talking about the environment and Trump's like we had the best the cleanest H2O Dude, he's been doing this shit since day one. Yeah, it's brutal. It's January 6 is like, you know, it's to the January 6th question, he just listed off things

that happened to be good elsewhere about January 6th. What in the world happened on January 6th? He Googled it and he went through everything except the top result. That was crazy. That was early, too. Oh, man.

I'm feeling good about it. Donald Trump's winning. Do you think? That's not even the question that's interesting anymore. Man. I'm feeling good about it. Donald Trump's winning. Do you think? I really do. Do you think? I think that's not even the question that's interesting anymore. Is it going to be Biden

or does he drop out? Or Trump? Here's what I'm going to say. Okay. I know he said he's not. Here's what I think. Did Grock tell you? Is it interesting?

Is it interesting question? Is he has, so he's convicted, right? He's been convicted of one of the 34 counts but of that from that one trial and his sentencing trial is on july 11th which is like a couple days before the republicans have to pick their nominee and he also has three more criminal trials to go through. So what if he gets sentenced to real prison time for any of these things? How does him getting elected work? Because it's never happened.

He can't. He can't. He can't. Because some of them are state cases and the governor has to pardon him. I feel like it won't go to that. I don't think it would go. There's no chance that he spends time in prison. That'd be stupid. I don't think it'll go to that. What do you like it won't go to that. I don't think it would go. There's no chance that he spends time in prison. It'd be stupid. I don't think it'll go to that.

What do you mean it won't go? The judge is like, you know what, this is actually kind of stupid. No, but this is what I'm saying. This has just not happened before. We hit beautiful civil war if that happens. If he goes to prison but gets elected? If he does not become president because of a decision by

a judge, do you think civil war happens? I don't think civil war happens. I think some boys from Texas get their fucking rocket launchers and they do something. I don't think there's anything that's There's a real fear there. This is a bit of an air bud, you know, rule evaluation. I hate to bring air bud legal to the

table here, but I don't think there's I don't know if there's a rule that says he can't be the president for prison the amount of things that We're finding out weren't really rules just because people didn't do them over the last eight years has been crazy Just decor exactly it's like oh We just never thought a person would do that when you yeah when you like create a nation after fighting a war to break away from The nation that controlled you you're not thinking about okay, okay, okay, okay, what if the leader's in prison? You're not thinking about that.

You're also not thinking about how automatic weapons got really good. You know? We talk about automatic weapons, but I think civil war, we're getting drone strike, dude. The government's annihilating everyone. Yeah, war is not... I don't think civil war happens.

I don't think it can because the government picks one side and that side wins. It's a little, this is what I've always said about the second amendment. When somebody is chirping about like being able to defend yourself. I'm like, I get it. Back then, essential, right? Because you really, you really withstood a chance of winning. Yeah. Yeah.

Because like bros were coming on horses and you could just shoot them off the horse and like you won. I feel like you just can't win now. I agree. It's a different world because you don't

even just need to stop them from like quartering in your homes because they can just blow the whole thing up. That is crazy. Isn't that four? Four.

That's the fourth one. That's four, baby. You can't say air. Some guy getting off your plane at San Diego Airport, and he's like, I'm coming home to stay with you. Sorry, school's upcoming. No, don't! I'm coming! Base is full, I'm coming!

I'm gonna eat your Cheerios! I'm gonna eat your Cheerios and all your snacks. Like, no, stop! Don't, soldier guy! I wanna strap up. What the fuck? What do you mean? I wanna get a blicky. I don't want you to do that What do you mean? I want to get a blicky I want to get a Glock you don't why do you want to get a police?

You can carry a firearm I'm not trying to like fucking walk around with it, but here's what happened All right, I was I was I was streaming and then cutie comes in stress she's like she's like i heard an alarm on my phone because we have like a security app that said a window is opened upstairs but nobody's up there can you check it out and so i'm like all right so i go to check it out i bring the only thing i have on me, a sharpened samurai sword. The art of Bushido. Yeah. You got the rivers of blood.

It is sharpened. It would slice through clean. Okay? Tatami mats be damned. And you're from the first floor. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu! I'm kicking every door down. I'm clearing like Steel Team 6,

but with the samurai sword. Right, tactical breach. I'm like using seal team six, but with the samurai sword right tactical I'm like using the butt of it to like pop it open and then flip it and and I clear Every room I've actually go to the the room where the purpose supposed to be yeah blast comes to find out the window is spring-loaded Mmm, so it was like just triggered by wind or some shit, and it just pops no perp Okay, it was open all the way. It was open. That would be scary. And so, yeah, it was actually open and tripped the alarm. How would somebody So I had to close it. No one would have fit through it.

It was like a very tiny ass little window. I was thinking more like if that's on the upper floor, how would somebody get it? We know you got it like that. There's a case. It was actually a guy who climbed the big tower in London freehand. Yeah. It's just some weird jacked V7 sender. He's like, I'm just sending it.

Like, just let me climb. And so Alex Honnold filming a YouTube short flash this. After I cleared, I was like, this is just not the most effective weapon. Okay. I have not trained in the art of Bushido. It didn't happen to be clear. This is exactly why people get guns. Nothing happened.

He cleared it with this. He's like, I definitely need a gun now. All you do is talk about how the West has fallen. Dude, I don't think you do. And then you were given the chance to use Bushido. You just need a baseball bat. I need a bayonet. Whatever happened to the bats?

I need a bayonet. What the fuck are you talking about? I want a musket. You had a sword. I want a musket with a sword. I want both. Why don't you duct tape a gun to your sword? That's a good idea.

Oh, reverse musket. Yeah. That's a great idea. Rever reverse musket. Yeah. That's a great idea. Reverse bayonet. Yeah. Why don't you get an M1911A1? It won two world wars. Oh.

Mm-hmm. That was demonetized. For saying a gun. No, there's gun channels. Nah, they get demonetized. They don't. It was a standard issue sidearm in two world wars. Why don't you build a fucking trench in your house while you're at it?

Because that, you know, that brought the war to a stalemate. Look at it. That's the gun that James Bond had. No, it's not. Pierce Brosnan had that one, yeah. No, he didn't. He didn't, Goldeneye. No, he didn't. Look up Goldeneye, James Bond on the wiki page. It's so funny. No hits. Goldeneye, James Bond gun. What gun comes up? Ooh, a Walther P8.

Yeah, it was a Walther PPK. Or PPK. Dumb bastard. I don't know much about guns. In this, it's called the PP7. Oh, that is a walther ppk or ppk dumb bastard i don't know much in this it's called the pp7 oh that is a walther yeah so i don't want to talk about this anymore dude when we first moved into our house it was like the second night we were there and we're going to bed it's a new house creeks and you don't you don't know anything about it whenever we're laying there and all of a sudden and rochelle's like, holy fucking shit. We're getting home invaded. Like we just moved here.

Something's happening. I wake up and I'm a deep sleeper. So what's going on out here? Coming up the stairs. And I'm like, holy shit, this is real. Like she gets scared.

Sometimes we're actually getting fucking home invaded. And I'm like, I don't really know what to do. And she like pushes me to the door and she's like, all right, this is it. You know, you have to do the man thing.

Dude, that's so funny. And it's getting faster and it's coming up the stairs and it's right up the stairs. And I open the door and I go, ah, and just yell. And it's my cat with a shoelace. He's dragging a shoe up the stairs. And he won't stop doing it now. It's his favorite thing.

Every night, someone could actually burgle me and be loud as fuck. Because every night it's just thump, thump, thump, thump. He drags it up the stairs with a shoelace. That's cute. Damn, I went for it. In the moment, was willing you went for a dream I went because I had nothing I just woke up you're just gonna like Dovahkiin Rage at all. I'm just gonna scream to see what it was Hypothetical that all happens. Yeah, you fucking open the Me

No Yeah, and it's me Yeah, first off you shouldn't have that yes, are you smiling are you frowning? I'm smiling. I'm definitely in a good mood. Yeah, okay. I'm here in a good mood. I owned him. I'm right. I'm insta-swinging. No, you're not! You're a fucking liar.

No. And you know what I do? Slip right. You're dead. No. Cause I- cause it was a fake swing. I went- Dude, this is-

And then you just got this- I was on a shield, you didn't realize. I hate that. I hate that. My left foot is on your right foot? Push back. I mount shield. You didn't realize. He's like, play your own stuff. I hate that. My left foot is on your right foot? Push back. I mount you. You mount me?

I'll make you come. You guys are going to discombobulate, man. I leave you. You fuck me till I come? I fuck you till you come. I leave you so pleased you never come back. Like, woo! I shouldn't be on this fucking podcast.

I should be in CEO right now winning Techonate, but I'm fucking not. I should be in... Wow, both of them I'm fucking not. Did you see Leffen? Leffen did the thing. He did the thing, yeah. Where you accidentally fly to a different airport. He flew from Sweden to Dayton, Ohio instead of Dayton, Florida.

How did he fuck that up? So is he out? He didn't even get to play? He made it Okay That's insane You type it in On Google Flights And they have a similar name Similar airport code

Or you're not familiar with it And then you just book He's been a CEO before Ludwig you're not I think it's just It's just a type of I've never done this You're not the guy

You fucked up Your $50,000 Super Bowl tickets Different thing Entirely That was not me That was a date You bought $50,000

Super Bowl tickets And fucked it up It wasn't Super Bowl tickets It was tickets to a Patriots game date. You bought $50,000 Super Bowl tickets and fucked it up? It wasn't Super Bowl tickets. It was tickets to a Patriots game, and it was the wrong week. I think. So you just didn't make it? No, I gave them to. He gave them away.

It was very sweet. It was cute. I think when you're just not looking closely, and something reads the same, then. You're an apologist here. He's a dumb little bitch. If he wasn't Swedish. Ah, yeah. If it was a French person doing that, you would...

I'd clown on him. Clown on him all day. Yeah. Dan, is there something you've always wanted to say on this show that you never got the chance to do? I think he said everything he saw. Because you think about the show all the time. This is your fucking dream about the show.

I don't have much to say, to be honest. Then what the fuck did you come on the show for? He asked me to come on the show for yeah I said you come on the show this is your this is your soapbox I think you guys are missing the man

you needed me I'm just warm body I did need you I needed you I'm just here to fucking vibe he's got the leverage but I needed you

I mean I'm not gonna like shill for a fucking sham wow or something I got nothing I'm just here to hang out what about like a message to the world oh sure

this reaches the airwaves yeah if there's one thing you could tell the world right now. They air this on CNN. You've been inhaling the whole time, but you keep pulling it out. It's huge. What a huge pull. Damn. Damn.

It's like Tom and Jerry when he's hitting on the cowgirl cat. Yeah. Howdy, bitch. Say again? No, he fucking, he one pulls the cigar and it fucking goes away. It goes all the way in.

Yeah. That's a fire. And he makes a Jerry lick it for him. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He like holds him in there. Yeah, that is pretty cool. I got nothing.

I just want. I got something for you. What do you got? This podcast has terrorized my family. What? No. It has.

What are you talking about? No, it wouldn't have. It has terrorized my family because What? No. It has. What are you talking about? No, it wouldn't have. It has terrorized my family because we were on an episode. We were talking about various members of my family. And then with AI, somebody made a news article. Someone made a news article about it. So we're talking about my stepdad, Peter, and my mom and my sister. What?

Right? And it made an article about my family members, and it specifically said, like, Ludwig's mom teaches French and Spanish. Fine. Peter is Jamaican, which isn't technically true. You say it a lot. You do say that.

I do. It's not true. The AI is getting the data from you. They are getting the data from me uh but it's not true his his mother is from jamaica but he was born in new york oh and his 23 and me is like mostly like fucking nigerian and irish or some shit okay and then my sister it said she moved to france and started smoking cigarettes and it's like that's the three facts about our family members somehow my mom's

Googling shit. She finds this article, shares it to everyone. And everyone just gets sad. Oh my God. My sister's like, why am I reduced to being a smoker in France? Oh my God. And Peter's like, I'm not even Jamaican. Dude, this is like a sitcom episode. They all feel bad about their thing. Nobody cares about the other people. The cost of AI. And so is that what it's doing? It's scraping our show? It scraped the show to make some article about, yeah. What a boring article.

Yeah, that's not a very compelling article. Nobody would have read it except somehow my mom found it. I don't know how. I mean, maybe you just Google Ludwig family, and it's like fans are just interested or something. She Googled some shit. I saw her YouTube search history. It's very cute yeah i saw that it was very cute and but one of the things was ludwig what's up dog and i didn't know what the fuck that meant

and then i remembered it's because one time i called her and i said i just i hit her with the fucking you hit her with that smells like up dog in here i hit her with that? I hit her with the That smells like Updog in here I hit her with the Smells like Updog And she She said what's Updog And she looked up the clip Which is funny She got Oh you did it on stream

Yeah I did it on stream And she got run up And then she looked up the clip Of her getting fooled That's funny Sorry ma Yeah you She also likes pimple popping

Yeah that I don't know if that was her or Peter But one of them likes pimple popping for sure Cause he was the Dune guy for sure Jesus Christ Why is he You don't like pimple popping for sure cuz he was the dune guy for sure Jesus Christ, you don't like the popping you hate it. It's good content. It's good content. I like your wax pulling yeah I'm gonna say camera in there, and they just like you see the camera. I did that get in there Yeah, I did it once too, and it I got nauseous because of how much wax they pulled out. Oh my equilibrium was broken

Oh, yeah, I put my hand on my jeans And it was so loud because I hadn't heard in like eight years that I was like, I'm dying in here. Whoa. That's crazy.

Too much hearing. Yeah, I had too much hearing. Mine were pretty clean. Really? Yeah. Oh, mine were filthy. Nasty. I do the NARTA pinky clean.

You do what? I throw a pinky in there. Rub it up. Flake it. Compacts it more. You just shove it down. Nah, not the way I do it. The way he does it is different, man. the way i do it the way it is different

i go because i go i go just the outside i don't push he does it on the outside what do you think that becomes when you keep just your a coke nail oh yeah cutie has a coke nail all times why i don't fucking know just one really she has really long nails and then she she'll always leave one nail the longest. And I'm like, why don't you cut that? And she's like, I like it. It's my Coke nail. I'm like, you don't do Coke.

She's like, my Coke nail. She's terrified. She still keeps that Coke nail on her. I don't know why. Maybe for one day when she flips. Maybe it's in case she's around some people and they need someone with a Coke nail. Oh, I got you. You got a good nail for this guy.

Does anybody have a lighter? You have a coke nail oh I got you you got a good nail for this guys like does anybody have a lighter you have your coke I got you the issue is her nails always look discolored cause she works with like so many

dyes and baking oh yeah they never get out so her coke nails like blackened and blue people would not feel comfortable

but I mean if you're doing coke I don't know it's clean coke now it's clean coke now I was just making crack Don't worry Oh and that's another thing

I did I did the Anthony Padilla thing The one where you fucking hurt me I didn't hurt you How did you hurt him? Because it was a bunch of bisexuals And they started talking He hates hearing about him

He says in your own homes only He's sad because i said he kisses fine and i also said that i i didn't really it's like i can't tell if he's a good kisser do you think that you're a good kisser it's just it's just you got nothing else to talk about you all bisexuals get a room together you start talking about how the straight kisses that's it? They asked me about it. They asked me. I wouldn't platform that.

Me, personally. Personally, I would deny them that. I would say I reject the premise. But you said, I'll answer whatever you want. Anthony Tortilla. Anthony Tortilla wasn't there. He wasn't even there. That's the worst part.

And he wasn't even there and you still did what they said. Yeah. Anyway, I did that one. I wasn't even there and you still did what they said. Yeah. Anyway, I did that one. And on some point during it, I said something like, yeah, I do drugs every day. I don't know exactly what it was.

It was like a throwaway fucking comment. And then I come home. The first thing my mom says, she goes, why are you doing drugs? Aww. I'm like, I'm not. She watches your stuff. I mean, she cares. I'm doing drugs. Wait, what was the premise of the one you were on?

It was legendary streamers Yeah, son and ray fucking jerking off about how big our channels are the hardships of it There's so many people watching It is really hard when they all subscribe at the same time you have to try and thank them all So many to thank. I'm such a big popular dubbing.

Shit, man. Mine was also like that. No. Mine was also like that. Where they said, you guys are the biggest subscribed bisexuals. We're the biggest bisexuals. Do you think you're one of the largest bisexual podcasters? Almost certainly not.

You might be top 10. No. No. Really? No. You don't think you're top 10? Logan Paul's number one. Amen. And he's up there.

Amen. Lock him in. He's going to sue us like coffee's ill, bro. And fucking, what's his? Mike Majak, they both are. That's why George left. Brett Kreisner. No.

Michael Barbaro. There's no way he's bisexual. Actually, Michael Barbaro, I think. I believe that. You only believe that because he sounds like he's bisexual. Actually, Michael Barbaro, I think. I believe that. You only believe that because he sounds like he's bisexual. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I forget if I'm allowed to talk about this. Did someone give you a secret info that Michael Barbaro is by secret? No, I know something about Michael Barbaro. What? I know something weirdly personal about Michael Barbaro that as far as I know is not public information. You've never met him.

I know. I know. I can't explain. Expose Michael Barbaro's whispers. No, no, no. Expose his whispers. What is he saying? New York Times. And it's I know I know I can't I can't explain This is so hard to explain without being able to explain it Okay blink once if he's a messy bottom I don't know that I can't blink You're keeping you're part of the deep state Yeah

Imagine Mike you're you and Michael The New York Times has me on payroll, dude. You and Michael Baro are about to have a fucking crazy night, and you just see him have a whole rack of ribs. And you're like, dude, you're the bottom. What the fuck was that sentence? Top to bottom. What are you talking about?

What if I'm about to have a hot, sexy night with Michael Baro? He's eating creamed corn, aren't we, bro? I don't understand. Come on Michael He's eating creamed corn only bro! I don't understand! He's eating creamed corn He's eating sour cream out of bucket He's eating bad crawfish He's got supposed to be a clean bottom for me He's got a mini corn dog after mini corn dog He's supposed to be a clean bottom he's got a bunch of hooves

And he's eating chow like a pig He's eating fucking boiled hooves Michael only eats sushi when he knows I'm coming around What if he starts eating and then he turns into a pig and you have to spot him out from a group of people He's eating fucking boiled hooves. Michael only eats sushi when he knows I'm coming around. What if he starts eating and then he turns into a pig and you have to spot him out from a group of pigs? And if you don't, you get stuck in there forever. You know what I messaged him once?

I invited him to come on the show. This is like a year and a half ago. I sent him a very polite, long-winded Twitter DM because his DMs are open, and I invited him to come on the yard. Of course, didn't get a response. He checks X the everything out he's on X though he does he's less everyone no less he posts on X he posts on X and truth weirdly enough hated on not a lot of followers on truth I like the idea of being like a like a leftist guy and going on true social and being like hey, I'm here

Firing up the daily on rumble just to see who Rumble co streams Does miss gives the stream on rumble that's an enemy fucking I don't that deal still going oh really Is rumble still around yeah, they're sure on it. Yeah, they're killing. I don't know if that deal is still going oh really is rumble still around yeah they're killing it they're killing it I don't know if they're killing it

they're killing it in their space I think they zipper can you look up live streaming platforms by hours watched it just can't be it's on rumble

I love that it's killing it for right wing creators I guess none of them are profitable except YouTube right like all of these platforms have to be losing money.

Yeah, yeah. But I'm basing off hours watched less. So let's go Q1 2024. My hitups. I want to say Rumble's doing decent because the right wingers, they're loyal to that site. Loyal to Rumble? They're loyal to Rumble.

Oh, there's something. Kick isn't like Rumble. Oh, because kick isn't like... Rumble is like... Okay, they're struggling. What the fuck? Is that Afreeca? Yeah, they're losing to Afreeca. Shouts out, bro. They're getting piped by Afreeca?

Well, now that Twitch isn't in Korea, of course they are. They're getting dwarfed by kick. Dude, Rumble, this is Rumble's big move. You gotta get ASL. You gotta get ASL. I will log on to Rumble to watch fucking StarCraft Rude War.

I mean, this is how Twitch won it. They fought to win Korea and then gave it up. Yeah. That's kind of the Korean government's fault. Yeah. But it's so funny how hard they fought for that. Yeah, well, what did they do about the DMZ? Nothing. What did you think

they were going to do? Dismantle Nothing. What did you think they were gonna do? Dismantle it. Break down the walls. I thought Dan Clancy was gonna fly to Seoul, drive in an armored vehicle to the DMZ, Just barrels of relief! and start digging up mines like he's in a heart locker. That's what I thought Dan Clancy was gonna fucking do.

Do you ever play the PlayStation game, Mercenaries? And then the Korean government, and this is the conspiracy, the Korean government then, this is the conspiracy, the Korean government then, after hearing this plan, moved that internet tariff into place. Weird timing, if you ask me.

Big Dan coming down. Dude, this makes a lot of fucking sense We might have to boot this one up on Rumble, actually. Dan Clancy was just going in with a bomb vest,

just wanting to take out just as many landmines as he could before they got him. You fuck with Dan Clancy, man? Dan Clancy's chill. He looks like he's your cool uncle that sells you weed.

I think that's his vibe, but he's chill behind closed doors. You know what the average age of all CEOs is extremely high high right yeah like fortune 500 ceos we should just lower that we should do an invert we should do an opposite day where every fortune what is that what are you saying this is actually like when nick said

this is the dumbest shit nick ever said ever well. I like that. That's whore It's so stupid bad. No, I think over 40 and anime avatars are gone, and I'm in Eden Listen your life is better. Yeah, my life is way better. I think people I know people are good at stuff I actually care less just the anime avatars now. I think about it Okay, if I had to take one to get the other I would do it. Zipper, pull up Kaede's Twitter. So you're killing everybody with an anime avatar? Yep. Wait, is it her?

Huh? Is it her? What do you mean is it her? Wait, is it an anime version of her? No. Pull up Kaede, she's got, oh, she changed it. Yeah, that's just her. She lives.

That's a selfie, like a normal fucking human. It was Freeran Sama. That's my intern. Who's a 1000 elf wizard. 1000s is definitely gone for sure. I wanted to ask you guys this. I'm not sure if you guys have any questions. I'm not sure if you guys have any questions. I'm not sure if Sama. That's my intern. Who's a 1,000 elf wizard. 1,000 is definitely gone for sure.

I wanted to ask you guys this. Do you guys get like, I feel like this has been happening more and more. I get a lot of YouTube videos recommended to me with like 20 views. Oh yeah, it shrinks our system. They'll throw you one every now and then. This is them biting TikTok shit.

This week, I got fed this video, Luigi's Mansion 2 HD Switch unboxing. And it had like 30 views. It's this kid just talking about how they've re-released Luigi's Mansion 2 HD. Is it good content? And it's cute. It's up your alley.

And I did watch it. It's four minutes. It's cute it's up your alley and i did watch it it's four minutes it's an unboxing video of a switch game which doesn't have anything in the box oh you found it uh it's not this one it's not this one it's a different one it is it's saturated and i hold on i can i can link it to you but this kid talks for minutes, and then in the last 10 seconds of the video, opens the box in the cartridge, and then it just ends. And then I went into the comments, because it only has 40 views,

and I just typed beast. That is beast. And I was like, that's what I'm getting fed on YouTube lately. Yeah, they feed you double-digit videos, and just like, see how you like it I do like the whole thing so that was good that means I'm gonna get more switch on boxing videos that's healthy I mean my first YouTube upload was can you look up family guy

blue harvest table read what this is my first ever youtube upload really really yeah i had the dvd for uh the family guy blue harvest it's their star wars special and they had a special like a like a bonus of them doing the table read of it oh she's just re-uploading and i ripped it i ripped it i figured out how to download it on my computer and i uploaded it for others to see. Nah, it's just a table read. If you look up Family Guy table read Star Wars, maybe it comes up. Is it on your channel, Ludwig?

It has like 100,000 views. I remember being fucking pumped about that shit. It's on Ludwig? I don't know what channel it's on. It's on one of my channels. It can't be. It might be that one. Surely Zany Sidekick. I think that's it. Yeah, look at that. Wait, Luddy031. Yeah. It might be that one. He had a sneak peek. Surely zany sidekick. I think that's it.

Yeah, look at that. Wait, Luddy031. Yeah. Dude, that's crazy. Dude, that has 85,000 views. I uploaded that 14 years ago. That was your first ever upload. That was my first ever.

Look at the comments. Does anyone realize? Yeah, I can't read that. Unless I mentioned it. It said, hear from the Ludwig video. Oh, okay. Yeah, this came up. I mentioned it at one point.

That's funny, dude. That's my first ever. Can you click on that channel? I don't think I have any other videos on that. You know, one thing that makes me so sad, I think Nick is in a similar position where he had a YouTube channel that got deleted or,

um, that he's talked about before. I think, uh, I had a gaming, uh, like my, my gaming clans,

YouTube channel. And I went and reacted to all your old youtube videos not those ones though i had an older channel and the the clan was called resentful rogues and it was a bunch of friends in school and a mixture of them and like mario kart players and i used to upload videos that were recorded with like a shitty camera on top of like an office chair and i'd upload and the crT is like putting lines in the video. Cause I didn't know how to get rid of that and stuff like that. And there was, I think maybe like 50 videos on that channel between me and my friends that

uploaded on it. And then one day, one of the friends that had access to it just like got really sad and deleted everything without asking or telling anybody. And that's all just like lost to time. That's what you did with your ex account. My ex account deleted everything. That's different though.

Cause I backed everything up. I have access to everything. I also feel like, yeah, I can dig through those tweets. I have, that's how I, you know,

that's how I found the optic picture that was on switch. That old photo of me. I have the, the logs. Cause you can download everything from your Twitter account that yourself right if you ask them yeah yeah I have everything so I can view everything but I got rid of it for everybody else do you ever say anything in those 50 videos that 100 you can find a video on my youtube channel right now where I say yeah I was really sad you

can bring 16 year old a to do fucking court i don't know i made a channel it was i it got taken down but it was called like uh cool movie trailers and i would use windows movie editor or windows movie maker to re-edit fights like i re-edited the fight scene in star wars uh the third one revenge Revenge of the Sith, to cut out the Yoda fight. Because it was fucking cringe. Because it was fucking ass. No. Because I just wanted the Obi-Wan versus Anakin fight.

So I put Battle of the Heroes. That's so sick. I synced up all the fucking beats and I edited just to remove Yoda. And I uploaded it and I was like, my masterpiece. And then fucking nuked off the planet and I was so sad because it didn't happen for a couple years but I could never find it I do hate the end of that fight yeah because it fucking the Yoda part sucks yeah he's all hopping around like crazy he's spinning the chairs in the senate and he's throwing them at him and then Yoda just gives up and walks away. And the Emperor's dropping like the fucking like

And then he just goes And Yoda's hopping around and then he's like, ah this is too much for me. I'm like how? Guy's not even fighting back. It's embarrassing Bad fight. And that's at his peak. That was his peak. What are you most proud of in your life? Am I supposed to be funny or is this real real real oh my marriage for sure really oh by far that's great yeah it's not even close how how are you proud of a marriage how is one proud of a marriage uh because i think it is very hard to connect with a human being

whether it's like platonic or romantic or in any way and like the ability to do that and like be vulnerable with a person and recognize another human being and like live together and not like get fed up and shit for that amount of time for that amount of time uh it's like this year yeah seven years in that's a tough one two and seven's what they say two and seven really the chinese call it the seven year itch that's a real thing I've heard everyone call it that Wait what? That's when people cheat on their partner At the seven year mark?

They also used to get married right when they started Right Curse the day the Chinese invented gunpowder You do love saying that The seven year itch Wait Maybe it's not That's a damn American That guy's name is george

axelrod i think i think you know what i think it's gonna be axelrod i think I read this in the three body problem sure Axelrod I think I read this in three body problem and I just assumed it was like yeah that's fair that's kind of sweet

everything else is so like ephemeral you know like we die it's whatever mine was my you're so Aiden pilled it's so gross am I Aiden pilled? I just think like who cares if I You know like we die it's whatever mine was my you're so aiden-pilled. It's so gross my fucking aiden-pilled Yeah, you are even because I just like you're like marriage Well, like who cares if I I spend a lot of time playing video games And it makes me feel really really good in the moment like I reach new goals and do these things

But in the grand scheme, I don't really care. It's just like huh you're passing I can tell consuming time Oh, this guy's mad. You think I'm aiden-pilled because of what he's saying right now I think that he is more willing to default to, it doesn't matter. Because life is just this passing thing that you happen to be existing and you're waiting until you're dead.

I don't think that's, I mean, everyone. Well, let's answer the question. Do you care if you're buried or cremated? No. Yeah, so you're the same. Oh, of course not. That's different though.

And you're saying that with such flicking it away. I want it because you're dead. Because you're dead. I think it'd be cool. That's different. And you're saying out with such such Because you did it like strung me up and maybe do a little dance Everyone who goes to that neck that'd be hard because you'd be you'd be mortised And then that same guy from Arkansas be like get that And that's, you know, curtains closed, lights off, standing ovation. Get that damn Jewish girl down here. I think I'm concerned about the time that I have alive.

Really? I think about that a lot. And I fear death, but I don't care about after. I'll tell you it's not allowed with me around. Interesting. I'm not concerned about the time. Fear death, obviously. We talked about it on Unpaid Intern, right?

But not because of the time, just because, like, what is it? You know, like, I like living. We're similar, but different. But I don't feel like I have a need to, like, achieve. Yeah, you speak about life as this thing that's like, shmeep shmop, and it's interesting. Yeah, but for me. Because otherwise, like, anxiety.

If it is anything more than just, like, this is interesting, it's too weighty. So does that mean you're not willing? You don't want a great sense of purpose, like the Moadib? I don't have a great sense of purpose like the moa deep uh i don't have a great sense of purpose i don't think really maybe i mean is it because you're not willing to risk that emotional investment to find out that like you would fail or something like that no i think like let's say i'm an olympian and i win a gold medal and that was my purpose i put a gun in my mouth the next day. Like, what do you mean? Oh, I see what you mean. That is nothing. That's a dog caught in a car. This is a big issue.

This is, okay, this is an exaggerated, exaggerated way of saying it. It's crazy he says that and then you go, I see what you mean. This is a,

this is a phenomenon. This is a, this is a psychological phenomenon of people who like, work very hard, especially, I think the most obvious example is professional

athletes where you spend every moment of your life working towards achieving this goal and then at some point your body gives way but you have a lot of life left to live and you cannot do the thing you've spent every waking moment working on anymore you can't do it anymore and you're faced with the question of what's next and who am I without this thing? And Michael Jordan decided to grow the Hitler mustache. He did. That was his choice. And do Hanes commercials. And do Hanes commercials.

That was his choice after. Yep. Yeah. No, this is, I listened to a recent, what I would call not very good Serena Williams interview like a week ago. Okay. And she's basically basically she's clearly dealing with this right and doesn't have great answers and i feel i i felt a little bad for her because

like in the questions and in the interview it seemed like she was pretty lost that's so interesting and uh i think that's a difficult position to be in do you consider yourself happy yeah okay for sure fulfilled and all that shit. Yeah. I think as always, like you, you have goals in life or you strive for other things and you are also like, let yourself down or like make mistakes and stuff.

But yeah, like I'm within the band of what is acceptable for me. Wow. Was it always that way? No. Really? Maybe. Yeah.

I think I used to be, I mean, most people in Americaica grow up like capitalism i'm gonna make a bunch of money and have a business he started the esports club at asu and then it was all good yeah that was it i realized self-actualization that's so you know what dude i feel like look i think i like the idea that you can make a positive impact on the people in the world around you, no matter how small. And that is valuable.

And if everyone does that, then the rest of history is better off. Yeah, I would love to, for example, like pick up garbage on the beach every day when I'm retired. Sure. But even in a less like altruistic sense, you making the eSports Club is why I picked up Melee, which is why I met these two, which is why this podcast exists. It's true. It is true. Isn't that sad that that's true? I own you.

Stans is the reason and reason. No, I hate that you're my bus and haircut. We're friends. My mom thought we were fighting, by the way way Me and you? Yeah she listened to a Yard episode And I was mean to you

Which one were you fucking gazing You wouldn't let up on him about it About what? Yeah about the thing About the That you were livid And I'm mad at you I'm staying livid

Anyway that's a positive thing And that's what I hold on to Is I can I can make those little impacts And we all can Even I think even if you're really uh if you're really what would be the word fuck I nihilistic about it uh that you know that veritasium video about game

theory and how it affects everything have you seen that video no it's like a 10 50 million view video it's a banger uh trying to make me feel bad about not watching this video the video is about gay game theory and how it interacts with like every part of life and how like ultimately you guys gotta get out even if even if you're like yeah 200 episodes in you don't have ad block that is crazy even if you're personally in even if you have a selfish interest and like how you go around the world and how you treat other people treating other people in a positive way and approaching life with the mentality that you have inevitably comes back to you like statistically karma yeah is real or something karma i mean not in not in the cosmic sense cosmic sense but in a mathematical sense it is it is mathematically better i think

what this video says got him it is good to give basically people the benefit of the doubt in the short term and treat people nicely and do what you can for others because you are it will come back to you basically yeah i watch a lot of william spaniel who does analysis on like war and politics, especially like Ukraine and stuff. And before that, he was just a professor of political science, like, and did a lot of game theory videos.

So his first videos are just him with a shitty mic, like Khan Academy style. Right. All right. Let's talk about some game theory. And you start with the prisoner's dilemma. And I'm like, Oh,

this is how I've been interpreting the world my whole entire life. Yeah. I just, it was, it was called something. International relations is, the world my whole entire life. It was called something. International relations, I got a political science major and that was my favorite. You're a political science major? I'm a political science major. I don't talk about it because it's annoying as fuck. I think that's fun.

I was one credit away from minoring in political science. I minored in digital culture because I wanted to get away from political science. Now that's cringe. Digital culture? I got some digital culture for you right here, bitch. Thank you. He's got some digital culture because I wanted to get away from political science. Now that's cringe. Digital culture? Yeah. I got some digital culture for you right here, bitch. Shark Tank was popping off.

Thank you. He's got some digital culture for you right there, to be clear. Digital culture in 2010. It's like, what, Nyan Cat? Uh. That's it, dude.

This is 2014. We're not that different. Tell us what Mimi's are, Mr. Stance. It wasn't that far from that. It's a cat on the galaxy and there's a pizza slice and it's on a lunchbox.

I think this was around the time of, yeah, yeah. The short thing was popping off and it was like digital entrepreneurship and like make a website

and sell something. Dude, it was that. And so I was like, maybe I should learn this thing. And now drop shipping is a slur. Yeah,

as it should be. As it should be. Wow, that's pretty cool, man. I took an international relations class by Richard or Robert Ashley. He's a slur. Yeah, as it should be. As it should be. Wow, that's pretty cool, man. I took an international relations class by Richard or Robert Ashley. He's a USC professor, was an ASU professor. He's really good. But it's that kind of shit.

I would love to relate to you internationally. I'd love to relate to you locally. Whoa! Look at that. Bit of a one-up. How much money would it take? Okay. For you.

Get there. We'll stop. Money's not the great motivator, but go ahead. What the fuck? Okay, so a billion dollars. You wouldn't have sex with my butthole. I wouldn't have sex with your butthole for a billion dollars. My man! But I'm saying I'd have sex with your butthole for zero dollars.

Shit! Talking good about that. It's crazy what that's like. You gotta get a lot of fucking energy over here. What's up with you? Shouldn't you make peace with this guy? We're in the dark side of the room. Can you make peace with this guy?

Huh? This guy talks bad about you always. I hear him. I was about to say, I always have, it's fun to just like, be really like mad at Stans. You're mean to him.

But I'm not mean to him. You're, Stans, you think he's mean to you sometimes? For sure. Okay. When? I think you said, can I piss on your face when we were recording on 13th? You're mean to him. But I'm not mean to him. You're- Sans, you think he's mean to you sometimes? For sure. Okay. WHEN?

I think you said, can I piss on your face when we were recording on Payton 13. That's not mean! And then you said, can I blow ropes on your face. And when I said no to both of those, you said, I hope you kill yourself. Wow. So it's like, you can determine what is mean to you, I will answer the question, what is mean to me. I think that's fair of you. And so, the question, what is mean to me? I don't think that's fair. And so, Slime, what do you

say to that? Yeah, how do you feel about this case? No, you don't have to say anything. I don't think that it was... I think you took it the wrong way. Right, right. How did you mean it when you said... I just said you were a nice piece of meat. Why are you walking away from me?

And I'm sorry you feel that way. That's really good. That's really powerful. If you were offended. There's three things that you've always held over this guy. One, that he's a NorCal boomer. That's what you call them. Yeah.

That's true. You're a capitalist-pilled NorCal boomer. That's what I say. I was a capitalist-pilled NorCal boomer. Moved to San Francisco. Worked in startups. Was. I understood the world through the lens of, like, I should, like like get a tech job and make a bunch of money and start a company

I was a norcal boomer fucking once apparently allegedly laughs After you said you wanted to go to a restaurant, it's Three people laughed in your face. That's right I was just when you were one of them like when they do a firing squad and only one person has the bullet static I'm so pathetic for saying. Yeah, I just went along with it. Just following orders here. No, it wasn't following orders.

I was one of them, but like there was three of us. We didn't know who shot the bullet that killed. I feel like this is held over my head and I held it over his head. Don't worry that I've hated all of you equally for it. Oh, if it's equal, I feel good about that. You once also said that Stans feels no shame. Which is extraordinary. Which is extraordinary because he feels a lot of thought that was one of

the dumbest things that he said and that's funny because i only would that was only dispelled in my head when i said it to your face you said of course i feel shame one time oh one time when we were on that i i'll i feel like maybe i feel more shame than anyone i think i'm filled with you know how we talk about like making j like uncomfortable in public with, you know, you making jokes on the plane, for instance. Yeah. This is I remember this when we went to Vegas and we were at dinner in Vegas and I made that joke about pissing on the guy who hands you towels in the bathroom at that nice restaurant

we were at and everybody busted off laughing except you and you were like you cannot say that in here like you were mad at me both of you are going to a restaurant and become different humans what if we pissed on the guy in the bathroom actually it was very funny there's like people getting engaged it's a beautiful nice restaurant fuck em exactly you can have that i don't have that

i'm like come on what are we doing here i'm actually like i have. You are not the same. I have lines. You are not the fucking same. Dude, I freak out when Nick is swearing too loud in the airport. I hate it. When he's like swearing around kids, I don't like it. I know that sounds funny. It's just funny because you're at home.

I said it to a good shit to a kid, but I think that's a sign of respect. You swore like a sailor around those kids. I don't think you swore like a sailor around those kids. You swore you swore like a sailor around those kids you swore like a damn sailor it's on tape the ref said he didn't i don't think he said he didn't you maybe sometimes swore about yourself under your breath yeah you know and i wasn't like yeah i wasn't like screaming you were like it's like this weird internal thing that i was like oh that's inappropriate shouldn't do that yeah and there are things that in my head i do have lines but But usually when I'm trying to be a little public menace,

I usually keep it pretty confined and harmless. And I think that's what doesn't get across. Well, doesn't everyone think that they are confined and harmless? No. I think people have different... Okay, there's people who are genuinely unaware of it or genuinely do not care. And then there's the larger group of people

that have different gauges of what they think is i don't care too much in that line to be fair i think i'm on the wrong side of the line all right i think i should care less because it's not that important i think i take it too seriously for sure but it makes me uncomfortable yeah yeah it should yeah you should have some shame how do you remember talking about pissing on the guy in the bathroom? I forgot. God damn. I wish I could remember

a specific joke. It was about, it had something to do with tipping, how you have to tip that person. Yeah, you're supposed to if you're a power guy. And I said something about him.

He asked me to piss on him or something and I got out of there really quickly. It's just some dumb joke, but I remember your reaction clearer than the joke. Really?

Yeah. Yes, because it was in Contrast It was in contrast I'm shaking my head Disappointed And it was one of the first I think that weekend

Was one of the first times I had spent a lot of time With you in a row So I feel like I was Learning new things About you And your personality Well Stans

You're about to feel A lot of shame Okay When we hit it On the basketball court I'm not gonna feel any shame cuz I'm nasty and I'm nice Am I nasty and am I nice? He's nasty right now. We're gonna find out in ten minutes I'm talking about a pre-mode. I'm gonna talk about how much I put you down like a little dog

I'm gonna put him down like a little boss down like a little double find out like the little dogs from We got our handles talk Thank you very much for watching. Tune into the premium episode where I will be boasting. And also, slime won't be here. I have a flight to catch. Oh, you're going to Australia? Yeah, I'm going to Australia. We're going to be recording in Australia.

And you guys are going to miss my birthday. Yay! Bad friends! It's going to be good, though. Don't touch me.