The Yard - Ep. 164 - Ludwig Was Hit by a Car

Episode Date: September 4, 2024

This week, the boys talk about the biggest esports fall off, Nicks new idea for a gamer bank, and how Ludwig was hit by a car...

Do you think he thinks about us when he's not around us? No, no, Aiden, no. Jesus. You don't think so? No, he doesn't think about us. I think he cares about us. Oh my god. no. Jesus. You don't think so? No, he doesn't think about us. I think he cares about us. Oh my god. Okay.

Okay. This isn't... Yeah, good luck getting through there, dude. Dude, it is stolen WeeSpa shorts, no less. I like how he one hands it. You're walking it in. I'm injured. Oh yeah, let's...

You're picking it up. Okay, so for the audio listeners assuming we're recording this Ludwig has walked Ludwig he has walked in a wheelchair So that he can move he carried a wheelchair onto the set Wish it was more accessible. I really do. I really do. This is your office. This is your office.

How dare you? It's just what it is. Do you know how hard it is for me to turn and talk to you? Not because of the cast, but because of your face and everything you got on right now. You're saying it's difficult to look at me. I don't fuck with it. Where did you get the thing for your neck?

What? You didn't even know. I went. Can you not hear? It's a clavicle brace. I went and saw you after this, the day after. After what? After.

If you didn't know, Ludwig got in an accident on his Vespa. I got hit by a car. Hit by a car. Going 17. I was right toward it. I heard it was 12. I was right toward it. It was an adjustable amount I don't know exactly how it was. It was a blur. Yeah, definitely under 20. Oh the pariah is here. The pariah is here. Take a picture baby, you need to last longer. How's the Pokemon card doing? I have a hard time gripping with my right hand. You're- You have a hard time gripping with my right hand. You're a hard time gripping with your right hand. You picked the wheelchair up with your right hand.

Also, you're still wearing stolen Wii Spa shorts. Wow. And you didn't injure your neck. Wow. You didn't. Where did you get a wheelchair? Huh? People. I have people who I find these things wrong. Did you get Nick Eagling to buy this this morning? No. The guy who hit me had a wheelchair in his car. I said, give it to me. It still has a barcode on it. I said, give it to me, I don't call the cops. It still has a barcode on it.

It actually does. It's a newer purchase he had. So why don't you walk us through what happened to you? Look, I figured I would show you how injured I am because yesterday we had basketball and three different people say, are you going to basketball? Where are you at basketball? Miss you at basketball? And they don't seem to understand what I went through.

That is really funny. You don't seem to understand what I went through Aiden. I did ask if he was coming to basketball. Why did you ask that? Because you do you see the state I am in? What do you want me to do? Join the Paralympic team? And you saw him like this before we started going. I can't join the Paralympic team.

I don't know how it works exactly, but... He is in a wheelchair. What, they're going to tell him no? Yeah, who are they? Who are they? Johnny Knoxville can do it, but I can't really. The wheels are too small on that. You need bigger wheels. I think that is that is a non regulation.

There are small wheels. Okay. Do you think Ludwig they ask you people like Aiden? What up? Sorry. Again, are you talking to me? Are you can you hear it's just so hard to see him? Yeah, I'm in the press.

Yeah, if I lean back like this like it's just like your reactions at all are as if you can't hear But then you say it's a seeing she's not your color blue. I Think it brings my eyes out that people don't realize are blue That's what I'm saying. No one knows eat that isn't that funny. No one cares about eyes. They're not blue Hmm. Did you get what are they? Did you lose some of your cones? Thank you for bringing it up. Yes, I did.

Yes, I did. I lost like 50 percent of my cones. How did you manage to hit your arm, legs, neck and head? What a phrase. How did I manage to hit it? Yeah. Why don't you ask how the car managed to hit it? Victim blaming.

That's what it's called. The car hit me. Did you have your't you ask how the car managed to hit it? Victim blaming, that's what it's called. Yeah. The car hit me. Did you have your AirPods in? It's it is. No, I didn't. That being over a stinky two for Ludwig is still victim weight. Did it soften the blow? A little bit. Yeah, actually. You got your bow. Boing. I hit my ass and I went boing.

So when Aidan and the other the other guys from basketball were like, where are you? Do you think they were just trying to be like, hey, like everything's normal. Atriq went into my chat, said, why did you skip basketball? And I said, I got in a car accident. He said, nice excuse, lol, and left.

Yeah. So no, I don't feel like it was a simple gesture of where are you? I feel like it's a lack of understanding. It would have been a good week for you because we got challenged by five eighth graders to play five V five against them. Oh my God. And they were asking where Ludwig was. No way. Yeah. So we played a full five V five game against eighth graders, like half of our size. Did you smoked? No, I mean we won, but Stan's did get stuffed on one of the plays.

Did he laugh? I mean, he laughed. He should show one of the full body cast. Like a spongebob fish. They were asking it. They were asking where Ludwig was, which I don't know how they knew that we knew Ludwig for one, because I haven't seen these kids at the court before they were saying, and then they had this bit where all of their names were either a Qbert or Jensen.

And they just kept they just like Jensen Jensen, like it passed me the ball. Qbert, Qbert, I'm cutting. But you guys would have lost the game. You you should kill yourself. Yeah. Yeah. This is funny because there's two people who did that on Sunday. The other group was OTK. They did a five five against eighth graders.

Yeah, they almost lost that one. Oh, they really they went OT. They went fifty six fifty six. They played regulation game. They played a regulation game. Jesus Christ. I saw it. But it was like five adult men who don't know how to play basketball. Like they don't this is not a regular thing.

Canute was playing. They still want I think until I watch slime play. Canute is six foot two I'm just he just put his hands up. I'm just saying Well, I'm lost. Well, I'm lost and he's an ass. Until I watched slime play I would have thought that that was impossible for me if he lost to a They had a couple people who could play but yeah, he did lose to a Don't don't don't do it again

Anyway, I got into a car accident. Oh That's all this is I get hit by a car. I would say there was an accident. I have a question. Do you enjoy faking things for attention? That's a good question. Do you enjoy it? That's my wife So many different types of laughs there. It was a fake laugh, a real laugh, whatever Aidan did. That sounds like all the time for me. Yeah.

We were at PSL. We did PSL this weekend. It was a shame. You couldn't make it. Yeah, just, you know. You're too injured for PSL? You know who did come to PSL though was Cutie. And we were all roleplaying.

I remember, my wife left me in my home. She left you alone, just facing the corner in the wheelchair, like, shell-ponged? I spent the whole night staring at the staircase, just looking down at it. Raw dog this time away from me, for the Monica thing. Yeah, why not? Deserved, Ierved to be fair. We were all we were all role playing. We were all like role playing a reimagined version of the day you got hit by your bike, but you died instead.

And it was I don't like the story. Why is this? Why do we do this? This was Cutie's idea. Oh, no, it was your girlfriend's idea. Was why did you let her do that? So we were we were saying, OK, well, first of all, it started. It started it started because I think maybe me was like man it'd be so sad if he died and everyone was like yeah that would be sad and it was a pause and I was like we'd probably still come to PSL though that day right and everyone was like well yeah we'd show up and Cutie's like yeah

I'd be here. You would go to PSL the day that I die? QT said you would go to PSL the day that I die. We'd be like, we'd be like, damn, I mean, it'd be way better if we had eight. Yeah, 100%. You being the eighth is so much better. It's for sure sad, but I mean, we had eight and now we have seven. You'd want to surprise. Yeah, right. An extra eighth would make it better. It's not like a me specific thing. Yeah, we like planned for you. Sure. So it's... But I died. You balance the teams around. It's not like a me specific thing. Yeah, we like planned for you. Sure. So it's what I die. The teams are out. It's just like weird.

You didn't show up. I will. OK. In the universe that I died, I died. Yeah, I'll go to the funeral. But like, all right. Inconsiderate of you. Sure. I feel they're not sure. Would you be wearing the neck brace in the casket?

Yeah. Open casket and neck brace on. Guy who doesn't know how death works. Yeah. You keep the neck brace on. It's a style choice. By the way, look, it wasn't a bad accident, just to clarify. And I'm sure there's people watching who have people who have been in accidents that are much worse.

Let's take the bandages off. No, I actually can't do that. Well. The bandages are, that's the one. Let's just fucking see. No, I can't. I just put them on today. I can't. I can't.'s no there's no I can't just You know how hard it is to put on a bandage with just a little sponge bath episode I can't I'm not supposed to rub them we could rub them

Trivia question fuckers. I got this you have a wound it is a it is a Road rash a wound its twins. It's a road rash Yeah, wound. It's twins. It's a road rash. Yeah. Do you, after cleaning off the wound, A, cover it, B, let it air, or C, let it air, then cover it. C. Oh, oh. Dry heel.

It's C. Dry heel. No aquaphor, no nothing. And the color gets really nice. I think you just got to cover it. Nick is right. You're dumb. You cover it because the only thing you're trying to avoid is infection. I what you do is you use coverage

when there's no skin to do the coverage for you if the wound is deep enough. Yeah, but it is apparently controversial. They're changing it like biannually. Dude, at the big gay science fair every year? They go to the big gay science fair, and then they're like, and then they're like, all right, guys, let's talk about it. Guys, boo-boos.

But also wounds and band-aids. What do we think? Are we covering this year, folks? How do we feel about ouchies? No, no, no. All right, settle down. Describe the accident. If you want me to describe my car accident.

Relive your childhood. I think the viewers at home- You have to cash app him first. No I don't! Yeah, you gotta cash app me. Why? Cause I got no car app. You don't suck a neighbors soul. I could suck a neighbors soul, I got the cash app. Yeah, OK.

You would go fund me. I could do it. You go from me. Yeah, I got to go fund me. It's not for this, though. It's for this game I'm working on. It's kind of like Frogger, but it's Aiden. It's a car's go 10 times faster. Yeah. And when he gets hit,

he has to go to basketball the same day. What part is the game? What after you control Ludwig who's playing Aiden in the 1v1? What you said so depending on how bad of shape he's in depends how easy the match is when I get hit when you get hit Yeah, don't get hit. It's a it's a forced Timeline. Yeah If you avoid getting hit long enough the game just crashes. Yeah. Like it doesn't, there's not a wincon there.

We didn't code that in so. So you just want me to get hit by a car? There's a 1.7 million dollar go fund me. I don't want you to, it's just your destiny. It's also fair because- It's a video game, you're being so weird. To ask him, how dare you? How dare you?

How dare you? Show it to ball. Don't spin on me. Oh sorry, I wanted my friend to attend. I'm just being straightforward because I can't turn. Attend our event. You're missing right now. I don't want to.

You can't turn. You have a fake neck brace on. It's a real neck brace. You can just spit on me. Brother it's a real neck brace. For a fake injury. Did Nicky put it on you? No I put it on myself and I might have put it a little too tight.

I'm gonna come clean you. I don't know how to put this bitch on our ponies. I think he had so much to say about insurance. Oh, yeah. He used to work at State Farm. Yeah, he was like, oh, he's like,

oh, insurance, this insurance that tell you about the motorcycle guy. He told you, okay. That's what I told him. He did. Okay, cool. I got a few texts. Didn't get some.

What motorcycle guy? Wait, you want to sub? Raise your hand if you texted Ludwig Well I did yeah, I mean I went over. Wait who you talking about? He? Oh, he didn't text you? He texted me if I want to come ball Wait I texted you the day you got hurt. No way. See how massively he changed what he was saying? Nooo what the fuck I did text you. He was like no one texted me and then we all did he's what he was saying? No, what the fuck?

I did text you! He was like, no one texted me. And then when we all did, he's like, he did text me a thing I didn't like. Is it where, is it a thing where you only want something from his moves where you talk to him? Suck a neighbor's hole! I said Thursday night of the accident, glad you're okay, man, smiley face. I honestly thought you were talking about a stream that I had that went bad It was specific I was delusional. I was I was good. So what happened?

I got hit by a car. No, actually in the car missed their left turn. They missed it. They missed it. They're trying right. They were trying to. They were in. There's three lanes.

There's a left turn lane, a left lane and right lane. They're in the left lane. I am behind them. They missed their left turn and like it turned red. No, no, no. Turn onto like a highway. They're like trying to go onto a highway. They're trying to cheat over in the right lane. Yes, they're in there and they weren't in there.

They're in the go straight lane. And if you were to turn left in this go straight lane, it is like it is like wall. Yeah, there's no there's for like a quarter mile of this wall. And then they slow down to a stop. And I am not at a speed where I was like, oh, I want a fucking hard stop. And I don't go past right, because I thought there's a car behind me. And I was like, oh, I don't want to swear in the car. I'm in the I'm right behind him.

Yeah. And so then I pass left. Bad idea. Ludwig acknowledges bad idea that this is a bad idea. It's like a double. It's like one of those yellow ones where it's a yellow line. Then it's like hash line. Yeah. Actually, you can pass. And so I go into that. And then he tries to do a fucking route.

What exactly? He tries to pop a U into a left because there's no one ahead of him to get to where he wanted to go. Holy shit. So he just busts a U. Yeah. And then and then I into me me and then I fly off my bike You roll? Yeah, a little bit of a roll a little bit of a slide. You do like a backflip jump back on your feet immediately Yeah, I teched it

Hey, why didn't you just double shine it? Why don't you double shine the arm through a titian? Why didn't you shield? I ope? Through a titian. Why didn't you shield? Hey rivals you get parry. Why didn't you parry? Or you mortacrass rocket. What's the worst thing someone said to you about your accident?

Uh, that. Should have tacked it. Yeah, I saw that. And it was like when Trump got shot and they said damn bro popped Iso-alt. And I thought, damn. It's less funny when it's me and not Trump. Yeah, that's true. Because the Trump one, they have a little image attached to it and he's. Those things get a lot funnier if someone yells it in the moment.

Yeah, you have to be present. If you get hit by a car and I was running as fast as I could to help you and someone yelled should have attacked it. I'm getting on the wall. If you're just sitting on Twitter and you're like, uh-huh and there's wordlessly and absent-faced Yeah, just type typing out should have teched. There's no soul in there. You're a dead person inside What what happened? Did he come out to help you or did he drive away? He stopped he came out And he spoke only Spanish his son translated. He's wearing a Hello Kitty shirt. Which one? Hello Kitty and Friends?

Like a Dodger's fan? Hello Kitty and Friends. Oh, I have that shirt. The black one, it's the one you have, yeah? Yeah. And he was like, he was like- This guy sounds awesome. The son or the man who speaks only Spanish?

The son, the son. Oh, the son. I don't think I. And he was like, he was like, he was like, oh shit, I'm sorry. And then- Oh shit, I'm sorry. And then I was like,

I was like, you missed your left. There's a left lane. And he's like, yeah, but you shouldn't pass on the left. I'm like, I get that. But like you fucking ripped a double. Like there's two yellow lines. You want to cross both of them. And he's like, yeah.

And then he's like, he's like, you want to call the cops? And I was like, I really don't. I really do. I just want to drive home and shower. And he said, are you good to go home? And I said, well, hope. Hey, you want him to feel a little bad. That might be the only instance that you can hit a millionaire with your car,

and it's better that you hit a millionaire. No. Yeah, because you're the kind of guy. In most circumstances, you hit a millionaire, they could sue you. Yeah, that's one thing. This is the only instance that it was better. Sorry.

Because you have like the... I thought what you thought too. You've got like the... The accident. Yeah, I don't want to fuck their life up thing, I'll just leave. Yeah, I don't want to... I looked at their situation, I looked at mine, and I was like, it's going to cost a few K, but I'm okay tanking that, and I don't think they're as okay tanking that.

There's this There's this like moment that happens in minor accidents, which I actually racist Spanish I just figured I looked at the vehicle. He couldn't handle this pain. I looked at the situation of the vehicle What was the vehicle was it like? It's a honda You know You don't know if it's my vespa that made the door ding or like a fucking parking lot. It was a light work. Did you leave like a Ludwig sized dent in the car?

Like your butt cheeks were like... Yeah, it was like Patrick Star butt cheeks imprinted inside of it. And I was like, oh, never buff that out. You know what I was thinking about Patrick's house the other day? Were you? The circular rock like before. After the inside the house. Well, there was that episode when his parents came and he was trying to be

like, yeah, doing parents. He starts shitting on SpongeBob. And that kind of became different because before that it was just he's under the rock and it lifts up. Rick was wrong for that. Rick was wrong for that. Rick Rick was wrong for that. No, but the inside of his house went just the TV Rick Patrick. And he was wrong for that. Rick was wrong for that. No, but the inside of his house when it's just the TV. Who the fuck's Rick? Patrick.

And he was wrong for being mean to Bob. Oh, okay. Rick left Bob in the dust and Bob's his day one. Right, right, right, right. Do you fucking, do you get a concussion? Yeah, I feel like this is, this is information that should have been imprinted. I'm in your camp because there's an episode where he famously screams, my name is not Rick.

And I respect that. My name is not Rick. So and you're column, Rick anyway, and he's disrespecting. That's part of his identity, bro. Yeah. A bully. Huh? What? No, not being Rick.

Like you think we respect Patrick? Is it Rick Owens? Is it dead naming? Is it a Rick Owens joke somewhere? Is it a dead name if they were never named that? No. That's just being mean. Yeah.

And I was just thinking about how his like his spot is like the ideal space, like native sand. It is a vibe in there. It's a chair and it's a television. That's kind of Bob's house, too. It's no, it's not. Do Bob is a three story like like a highland park apartment. Insane, bro. Are you kidding apartment. It's insane, bro. Are you kidding me?

Have you not seen the episode? Mom got a nice timehouse. Dude, he's got a full bathroom, he's got a fridge, he's got like a bed. Kitchen. He also has like a weird creepy hallway. He does have a weird creepy hallway. How can he afford that on a hamburger flipper salary?

Well, back then it was different. That is different, yeah. Back in the 90s, like. Back then you could take care of a whole family on that if believe it or not. Dude, he's the lead fry cook at the only burger joint in the ocean. That's a lie. That's obviously a lie. Why? Because you're across the street from the other sort of burgers. They try.

Famously, they try to. They try to. No, they're trying to steal the formula so they can start making burgers. No, but they make burgers. They make chum! No, they have shit burgers. Yeah, they do make chum. They make chum! They, they have shit burgers. Yeah, they do make chum. They make chum, obviously.

It's like taking the ground beef and not making it into a burger. Plankton eats a holographic burger. No, he eats meatloaf. Yeah. He eats holographic meatloaf. How did Krabs get the secret recipe? He made it, dog. No, no, no.

Nepo. Nepo shit. Actually? Hand it down. From his mom? Probably. I would see past season 3. If he did come up with it, then he deserves it, because then he's like the Colonel, but. If he did come up with it, then he deserves it.

Because then he's like the Colonel. But if he didn't come up with it, then he is just evil. Maybe it's like he patented it, but he didn't come up with it. I think Pearl's on the wrong path. No, she's fine. Yeah. She's a cheerleader. She's trad.

She's too into that K-pop. You just hate her because she's thick. No, I don't hate her because she's not even thick. She's not even thick. Her body is tiny. Her head is enormous. You're not alive. She think no Do not type any rules after that She's thick bro pearl is the opposite of thick these at least 34 pounds bring up pearl 34 Coders got me you're talking about a man's daughter don't bring up pearl 34 Well, I did

She's thick get out wheelchair Drake. No, she's great. She's on a great path. She's not a fix She looks like she has horses on her binder She's just got a big fucking gigantic head. I feel like that makes her big. I feel like that's what you're talking about. You saw you never watch the episode where she walks and it sounds like a fucking drum team is coming through. Now we're talking about how she walks.

If you see Oddjob from Goldeneye and he's on Big Head boat, you'd say he's thick. Yeah, you would say he's thick. Oddjob is thick already. Zimbrick, can you pull Oddjob? It's rule 34. Oddjob rule 34. Goldeneye 64. Goldeneye 64 rule 34.

I want to see a penis made of 19 polygons. OK. Yeah, he is thick. He's a bad example. thick James Bond not thick there's a reason that when pearl walks the noises go doosh doosh doosh doosh yes the hideous monstrosity no it's because she weighs a lot but it's on her head yes yeah but she weighs a lot that's it doesn't matter where the weight is appreciate women for what you think oh yeah you're thick yeah no for what? So I'm not you thick. Oh, yeah. You're oh, you're thick. Yeah. No, you know what? Here I grew up with a kid in my middle school.

He had a huge head like like bigger than like normal head. Yeah. And everyone made fun of him for it. Because what they call it. They call him Jacob. They call him his name. Think about this. Call him his name. Call him Jimmy Neutron. If you're thick, thick headed. Oh, thick skull.

My question is, if this this young person, if you were in middle school, he had a like a very thin body, but he had a giant head, you wouldn't be saying, damn, you're thick. You wouldn't say that. No, you call him Jacob. You'd call him, hey, what cheat codes you have activated? You'd say, what else would you say? I prefer to play golden gun right now.

When he walks around. Yeah. Uh-huh. Jacob. Yeah. Normal sounds. Does he shake the school? Like a, like a magnitude one.

Yeah, to be clear, Pearl's a cartoon. So yeah, and the cartoon is big. Based on the information we're given, she's big. This didn't happen. When he walked around, it was normal sounds, like child's juice. You guys are basically trying to say someone with a slightly larger than average head shouldn't be made fun of, and then completing that with Pearl, who is literally the whole personality, based on the fact that her head is so Abstrino if I may if I may she's a bit of a whale. She's a whale I'm saying thick is a word that we use in specific context. She's a whale of a woman. She's

Yeah, that's not thick then I'm saying if she lies out she looked beach She's so thick we should we could kill her and take the oil in the blubber of her carcass and light candles with it. We could drive cars with her. That's how thick she is. Yes. Is there an episode where that happens? Yeah. And you see Krabs is just devastated.

There's a bunch of humans who come down and they say we have gas and oil machines made with dinosaur bones but we ran out. Dude, Krabs, dude he would sell her ass in a second. Have you ever seen the movie or the documentary, The Cove? It's like a dolphin documentary about how, like, there's this Japanese practice of, like, cornering a bunch of dolphins in this cove in Japan, and then they just murder them en masse. For fun?

And it's like, yeah, no, it's like they eat parts of them. OK. You know, and it's kind of horrific I'm imagining the pearl a pearl Yeah, well Japan and the relationship between Japan and Wales has always been contentious. I was just thinking that then I did see a whale shop. They said eat your whale here in Japanese. Did you have some no we didn't go I want across the street. I want across the street. I got shark fin soup instead. It was yummy. No, I got sea urchin Which is chill to eat I think well, I mean what is chill to eat is depending on our moral elasticity, right?

Mm-hmm. I would eat a baby whale if it was delicious enough. Would you eat it if it was the last baby whale? If it was the last baby whale? Yeah because genetic embryo. But you wouldn't know it's delicious until after you've eaten it. Well I would consult with someone who's already eaten it. Do you just trust someone? If they're eating baby whale and they're like this is good I'm like I probably yeah I don't believe them. I ate dick yesterday it was great. Tell me up where is it? Was. I ate dick yesterday, it was great. You told me up.

Where is it? Was it the last dick? Yeah, it was. The last of the dicks. Whose dick was it? Also means whale. No, it does. Yeah, I got triple entendres up in here.

That's crazy. It's like in a... You're not that concussed. Guys, I've been having dreams of two numbers two numbers 40 and 100 I don't know what they mean. Whoa Okay, what do they wait? I don't know what they mean. Can you explain? Explain I want to I want to understand keep having these numbers is the amount of days Noah stayed on his art I don't think that's it and 100. Oh, that's it

I think it's stupid thing. It's just it couldn't be hello. That's right No, 100 is how many adjectives there are did for beautiful women. I don't think it's just it couldn't be hello fresh right? No 100 is how many adjectives there are for beautiful women? I don't think that's it. Maybe it's the third thing for the three beat structure of this bit. What do you think it is? I feel like it couldn't be hello fresh because they have only more than 39 recipes and maybe more than 99 add-ons. Wait, no, that's what it is. It's hello fresh. What? That's what it is. The 40 recipes and the 100 add-ons that they have for all their meal choices.

Sponsored today's video. Fresh, pre-portioned greens? Well, that's crazy because I had a dream about 15. The number 15. Okay. That's problematic for a man of your age. Not the case. It wasn't the Canadian television sitcom starring Ryan Reynolds back when he was a kid. Okay.

It was just the number. Yeah. It was just the number. It was just the number. Listen up fuckers. HelloFresh sponsored this podcast. They got pre-portioned meals that take 15 minutes sometimes. And if you don't like grocery shopping like me, it's an easy way to get around that. Maybe you're not allowed back in an Albertsons. Maybe you are not allowed to be in an Albertsons.

You're banned. In Vaughn's. Vaughn's, they merged. Safeway knows you now! So you just can't go to most of them! They took the data and they brought it over here. I know what you're thinking! You're from the Midwest, you're going to Sam's Club on weekends! Nope! Can't go there anymore!

They know what you look like! Instacart that shit! Oh, turns out your rating's 1.3 because you spit on every person who's coming to your house because you're scared they're gonna fucking break in! Now you're shifting the goalposts You're thinking I don't want to order dinner or lunch, and I know hello fresh doesn't make breakfast well. You're wrong Dumbass you can get all three breakfast lunch and dinner you can make them and learn to cook Jacob stop stop being so scared

Now how do we how do we give him this deal? Where is the deal? How do I find it? Good question. It's in the computer? Musukashi desu. And it's surely on the next slide. Well, for free breakfast for life, go to hellofresh.com slash free the yard.

What are we, rappers? Free the yard! One free breakfast item per box while the subscription is active. That's free breakfast for life. For life. That's crazy. just by going to hellofresh.com slash free the yard if you don't do it they won't free us we

will be locked up do not go to hellofresh.com slash free take a crazy site dead link crazy dead link don't even try America's number one meal kit and America's most incarcerated podcast there's a show called The Dead Zone. I was based on a book where a guy gets in a car accident and then like parts of his. Sorry. Sorry. The voices are activated. I get in a W.A.L.K. I'll get your leash later. And mother fucker.

And he he basically parts of his brain are deactivated because of the W.A.L.K. And then it goes into other parts of the brain and he becomes like he can like see the future. And I'm wondering if that happened for you in some sort of way. Yeah, try to have some sort of like premonition or something. Oh, what do you see, Ludwig? You get divorced twice. I get married twice.

That's so fun. That's the part I'm shocked about. The weddings must be so fun. They are a treat. That's so cool. Who gives the speeches? Only one of us here. Well at both?

I go back to back? Yes, only one of us gives a speech at each. Not Aidan. Okay, so it's back to back. Okay, if it's back to back, it's not me. I'm only given one at most. It's one of us gives a speech. Okay, so not a so it's back to back Okay, if it's back to back, it's not me. I'm only I'm only given one of us at most I didn't say it's the same one of us at each I see I see not a I can't say Oh, I don't see that one is left out Could be 2034 watch out buddy. I Think it's a I'll be 44 2034 watch out A. Watch out? What am I getting married at 44 for?

No, no, no. I'm saying him to watch out at 2034. Yo, this is independent. Yeah. That's when you'll die. Didn't see that. Just be careful. Death.

That's when his hairline turns into the McDonald's logo. I need to get a sponsorship. Ronald comes to your house in a black suit. He says it's time. Which of the McDonald's characters would you suck dry? Ronald? No. Probably Grimace?

What? We don't even know that many. It's Mayor McCheese. Mayor McCheese, Hamburglar, Grimace. He's talking about every single one. Hamburglar. I like mask play. My G. I just wouldn't.

I wouldn't get a female McDonald's character. You don't want to know because she's a child. So let's keep it on track. I would say I would suck a fair McCheese because you could get favors out of it. Mayor McCheese looks a nasty dude. Mayor McCheese is. Cheese looks a nasty That guy is rolling up the corners in the wrong part of town Oh, I don't look at that guy and think yep. I want to suck him dry. No well the thing It's not about wanting to do it, but if you suck off Mayor McChese,

like now it's like, okay, let's fund education. You find some political influence. I bet it's Mayo. Also, you film it. Ew. I'm out of this conversation on that. You film it on the low, blackmail the mayor. Easy?

Yeah. Yeah. And then, yeah, all you gotta do is fucking swallow it. Yeah, yeah, and then you yeah, all you got to do is fucking swallow Yeah the mail Do you guys think I can beat that gaming challenge I've been doing everyone says you can't know I'm asking you Dude, you have to play with a teammate. Yes, I think that makes it impossible Why because you guys just suck at some games. Like, like I want- Okay asshole, what do I suck at?

No, no. What does he suck at? No, what do I suck at? You said you guys suck at some games, follow it up. You guys had this discussion on your stream. You said you sucked at Overwatch. You literally said it. And then I play my first game and I got 17 kills, 8 deaths, so I don't suck anymore.

Somebody was taking your opinion on the matter. I was accepting you. What was that? You literally said it. And then I play my first game and I got 17 kills, 8 deaths, so I don't suck anymore. Somebody was taking your opinion on the matter. I was accepting you. What was that? A 12-o. But like you guys were playing melee doubles, that's not gonna happen with C-Dog VA on the stick. That's actually true.

Yeah, we cut that. Oh, you cut it. Yeah, the ping was embarrassing. I think because you've changed it so that you can pick new games, like you aren't locking into the first games you chose. I think you can do it. But it'll take a while. The rules are it has to be games. The challenge is 10 games in a row.

If you die on one, you reset to the very top of the order. It has to be games. There's real people out in the world, competitive games, and you had to have at least two battle royales. That's such an interesting rule. Oh, it's the KFC or whatever. Oh yeah. Yeah, you have to eat at KFC twice.

I feel like the Battle Royales make it so hard. It depends. It does make it very hard. I actually think you are buffed. The shittier you are at video games, the more buff, you have a chance. Because if you're like really good, then all of your accounts, presumably you have to use them,

are like high ELO accounts. And then you just have really hard matches and really random teammates. There's a pretty good Valorant streamer. I think his name's Shiro or Shiro. And he did this challenge with a bunch of competitive games. So he did like Melee, Street Fighter, League, Valorant, and I think a couple other games.

And he's a relatively high elo at all of them. And it took him, like, I think it took him almost 200 attempts. What's his melee elo? He's just like a guy who'd be like gold with Falco. Like he's like in the middle. He plays at events afterwards and he's good enough. He's like gold with Falco. Like he's he's like in the middle. He plays at events afterwards and he's like Team Liquid Dota. But he did the whole the whole streak.

And I was pretty impressed because he's relatively high elo at most of the games. Is it is it cringe to because like in Fortnite, when you fire up your first Fortnite game, it's all robots that are like programmed on a calculator. It's cringe if you reset new accounts. I imagine if you're using burners. It's not not I think you can use burners if it doesn't like so an example is GeoGuessr We've done this challenge so often much we've increased our rank exactly which is now making GeoGuessr miserable. Wait No, that's the exact reason why you can't use burners No, I'm saying I'm saying I'm down to use burn. We're not even burners. I should take my rank.

Yeah, just some sort of like because if you keep winning in Fortnite, can I put into? Oh, I see. Because as you're winning in one of the games, you're making that thing that was historically easy for you at the beginning of the challenge. The challenge is getting hard as it goes on. But I mean, can I go get a silver valor account? Yeah, well, yeah, that's fine. We have to do that because Conor doesn't even have an account.

He doesn't even have a Valorant account. I think it's okay in the instance where your teammate has never played the game to buy an account so you can instantly play rank. I think that is like a good excuse. But I think if you've played that game a bunch, like you can't go by like, oh, what if I bought 10 accounts that were bronze in every game and I queued on all those? It'd be easy. I would win every game a bunch. Like you can't go by like, oh, what if I bought 10 accounts that were bronze in every game and I queued on all those? It'd be easy. I would win every game for sure.

Yeah, I guess if you were good at that game, I'm using my main on every game. How are you doing? That's what you should do, I think. Except for Valorant, which I... Well, actually, no, I did use my main, but it's unrated. How are you doing this with him in Japan?

Like, doesn't it... You said melee, the ping was bad, right? But doesn't that make all the other games miserable too. Yeah, he's just he's just tanking it It is the wrong guy it just has to be a hub. It doesn't have to be ranked We do ranked where we can but for Valorant we can't do ranked why because he doesn't have a ranked account get him one Well, that's what we're gonna try to do for next time. We shouldn't have two ranked accounts over the same elo dude Valorant riot banned every single alt I have Good. I don't know how they figure out their purchase accounts

But I like a document of like every kind of ever bought just like play with friends. You checked them all checked all of them They are all banned Good job daddy riot. Why do they want that? No, we want that. No, so there's no smurfs Oh, that's like the worst part of the game is Smurfs. Yeah, but doesn't it like more accounts mean more like for them, more people playing? Yeah, but the people who are playing might have a worse experience and they're genuine players and the people who have Smurfs are just using a second account. Like they can go to their main account.

I think they also changed something. They stopped releasing the monthly active players for League like quite a while ago, and I think they kind of learned their lesson. It's the same thing as the Dota prize pool, right? Cause as soon as it goes down one year, you let the narrative seep in that the game is fucked. And by just not sharing those numbers for Valorant, which I don't think they ever publicly have shared them

beyond the first year, I want to say, you get better control over the narrative of like how well your game is doing Dude, there was a separate it post on the Dota 2 server. It was like team liquid or lukepedia Says cuz TI is in like a couple days And what dude really? Yeah, I didn't know that no one fucking no the international the international price What not 20 million dollars? No, no, it's 2 million. And holy shit. What is that, a brawl hall tournament? Okay, officially the end of an era.

Dude. For those who don't know, TI has famously been the largest prize pool in esports. TI was, TI was, but I think the one before COVID was 44 million. Look up top 10 biggest prize pools in e-sports. And it's probably just nine TI's. It probably is. And then like the World's. And then the e-sports World Cup. I don't know. Oh, and then the Fortnite World Cup. The Fortnite one, yeah.

Right. Oh no, and then the recent Dota tournaments through the Saudis, yeah. Yeah, I believe. Yeah, TI is the first seven. The first seven is crazy. And then Fortnite World Cup and Riyadh Masters. Yeah. What is that? PSL Grand Finals? It's 40 bucks. Good for them.

And Alex, the smoke to the tree. It's a mobile game that's just copy and paste League of Legends. And it is massive in China. It is so big in China. No, Tencent also owns it. Is that crazy? Tencent doesn't fully own the League anyway. They own a majority stake in Riot. Right. But there was this post and it's like,

couldn't find TI 2024 under the TI, under the TL tournament section, or sorry, TI, on Liquipedia, which is like where you go to like keep track of shit. And it said, This tournament does not currently meet our notability guidelines. The following issues are still outstanding, particularly regarding transparency and competitive integrity. There's no up-to-date rulebook has been published. No public schedule is available.

As a result, Liquipedia has suspended live coverage of this tournament until these issues are resolved. It did get resolved because Dota 2 devs famously only read Reddit. This has been a thing for 10 plus years. They are like insanely reactive to anything Reddit complains about. But it's pathetic. It's like, it's crazy. It is just their little baby that they raise and now it's a teenager and then they just threw it against a wall like a hamster.

Deadlock is just what they want now, right? That's like, they're just hoping that is the one. I don't know, it's such a mysterious world, like Valve and how they work. Valve is weird, yeah. It's thought that they just get to work on whatever they want all the time, so if something becomes hard or annoying or difficult,

they just drop it. This is all conjecture, this is all like through threads and ideas that are like loosely leaked. I wonder if you start losing some steam to like, if you have this idea that the prize pool is going to be like fuck. Steam tour, right? If you know that something like the East World's World Cup is going to take over prize pool wise for your game

and you know the internationals kind of fucked, you just like lose motivation something like the East World's World Cup is gonna take over prize pool wise for your game. And you know the international is kind of fucked. You just like lose motivation to like work on it in that same way. Cause Riyadh Masters was like the precursor for all of this shit. It was that tournament, it was Dota only. And that prize pool was $15 million.

Which is like the biggest prize pool in like post COVID times, I think. Yeah. And also wasn't crowdfunded, right? No, no, they just parted it up. Yeah, because they got oil. The Saudis? There's a company called Saudi Aramco. Saudi Aramco, and they're involved in the oil.

It's a state-owned company. Should we hit them up? Hit them up? For what? For oil? For mogul? For mogul. The yard is like an oil drop. Like we should like, we should open a gas station. The yard X shell. Yeah. Yeah.

And we import Saudi gas. And we import Saudi gas. And then we, we are, just to be clear, our prices would be astronomical. They'd be like $8. They'd be like $8 per gallon. Come to our gas station where the gas is $11 a gallon because we imported it. You're paying for premium gas. Premium gas from the Saudi Aramco. It's leaded. The Octane. You're so old school gas.

You're sled. You're supporting eSports. We sell old gas and old coke. It's like raw milk. We didn't change the recipe. Yeah, a little bit. We got the original coke from that restaurant. Also from the Saudis.

MBS is a stockpile of old Coke. At the trendy Highland Park spot, do you guys have Saudi Coke? Oh yeah. I have suspenders and a fricking curly mustache. Yep, one Saudi Coke, that'll be $37. Dude, it's tough to order whole milk in LA. Yeah, maybe it's tough to order a big lollipop, maybe some milk. Is that why you didn't break any bones?

You got strong bones from the whole milk? Because you go to the fucking coffee shop and you demand whole milk in your coffee. What? You're saying that like milk alone? I can't turn to C, what'd you say? I think what he's saying is that usually the milk alternatives are the most popular. So yes, sir. You end up with... By the way, I've discovered the you'll like this.

I've discovered the best coffee in L.A. The best the best cup. Are you ready? You ready? This is TikTok. It is the the New England from Kumquat coffee. That is the best coffee in LA. Why are you as a man?

Go ahead. Now finish it off. No, you can do it. Curtains. Archie. Tadadada. Up and eat, up and eat. The gears are turning.

He was trying to get somewhere with Kumquat. Kumquat, that's a fruit. Who gives a shit? It all tastes the fucking same. It's all from the same guy, the same donkey that brings it from the mountains. Kumquat was the place. I don't care! I'm saying that everything- It's all from the same fucking donkey who brings it down from the same mountain. The same mountain in Columbia, the burro. He comes down, he says welcome. Welcome.

He's golden donkey. And you know it's Colombia because there's yellow license plates. Of. All right. Yeah, I get it. Your rank has been going up. You're probably miserable at like Thanksgiving dinner. Did you guys know in Colombia you can tell because there's yellow license plates. We've done Thanksgiving together, which makes us very hurtful.

No, like with like people who don't know what GeoGuessr is. We've done it together and I now know how you felt. What was the last time we did together? 2020? Co no, it's not true. It's after that for sure. No, I don't think so. No. Yeah, we did the big dinner to Oh, where Aiden where Aiden got was it? Yeah, defeated to ode. No, no, no, no, that was the

2021. That's 2020 when he got to ode 2019? No, no, no, no. That was the 2021. That's 2020. That was 2020 when he got too old. That was 2019. No, that was 2019. The house at the police showed it to you. We did one. We did one at the house that would get swatted. Because you got too old at a certain year. In 2020.

Yeah, too old. In 2019. In 2019. COVID didn't exist yet. I also didn't get too old. I took a game. It was a last game, last stock. My bad. took a game. It was a last game, last stop. I bet two, one.

I've been you three, one, two months prior. Fight up. Yeah. He got a lot better. Yeah. Yeah. But you lost. Ultimately, one time for six months. You had to clear. We're just talking about when the Thanksgiving dinner was. You're starting defensive about what happened at the dinner.

You had also more Thanksgiving dinners. I didn't know. That's what I had was with you know what? That's more of a Peter thing is what you were saying. That joke you made like Peter. I think Peter's Peter is but a but a theater man and Thanksgiving dinner is his stage. Oh true.

You know what I'm saying? Ah true guys like Peter are just they're on fire. So does guys like Peter don just they're on fire. Guys like Peter don't fuck with boys like Aiden. Yeah, I know. That's OK. That's good. It's true. What can I say? Uh, we've spent a lot of things together, actually. Yeah, because I don't have a family. We actually, we do have a weird, weird trifecta of

my family's weird about Thanksgiving because they're Canadian. He doesn't have a family. Yeah, you have a French family, which is weird. And then not cool. And then you're normal ish. You actually know, you know, you're not even actually. We're all fractured. My family doesn't do holiday. Yeah.

Yeah. That's the shitty thing is that I have to pretend that I didn't see Nick's mom every Thanksgiving when we hang out. Right. You have to pretend. I have to do this whole pretending. Song and dance. Like how is she? She's listening right now.

So what else do you want to say? It's the place that we were going to go to. I have a different idea. Yeah. Was it changing your plan? Was it Thanksgiving? The place that we were going to go to, I have a different idea. Yeah, it was changing for your plans. Was it Thanksgiving? We'll see the afters. Christmas when it was me, you and Zeke went to go get a hot pot.

Do you remember that? We got hot pot with Ludwig one year because it was the only place open. And then I think me and Zeke know it was just raw. Me and Zeke got like KBBQ. I remember that. That was sad to hear about. It wasn't sad. It was sad. Also, I have this tradition.

You ordered it in. No, we went there. So I played a bit of a prank today on Aiden. Do you guys know the wristwatch bit? Oh, yes, sir. Yeah. Yes, sir. I did.

So I went up to Aiden and I said, what time is it? Yeah, it wasn't a watch Yeah, it wasn't a watch and it wasn't a watch. No. And then Aiden looked at it and he says that doesn't look very, very good. That doesn't look very big. And I said, well, yeah, it's soft. You haven't rubbed it. Is that what you said to Aiden? Wow. I told him that and he didn't even and he didn't even care.

And so maybe you need a little boost. I need a little boost. And I'm in a bad situation and I don't know what to do because the next time I do this to Aiden, I want it to really, really pack a punch. I want to impress him. You could feel I don't want you to feel confident knowing that you could get hard for me at any time in this context. But are you saying there is something that I could take that would make that happen?

There is. That's right, Slim. It's called HIMS. Oh, no way. After my car accident, I was worried I'd never get hard again. Really? Turns out that that actually didn't affect me at all. It turns out it wasn't a factor.

But after looking into it, I found out that HIMS can be really useful for pretty much anyone. Whoa. Yeah. So my use case. Well, yeah, it's changing men's healthcare and now you can get-

But don't you have to go to a doctor? Like I don't want to tell a doctor about that. A lot of people think that Nick, but actually no. You don't have to. I don't have to tell my doctor? It's 95% cheaper and 100% online. So you don't have to have those uncomfortable visits with a doctor.

Oh my God. So if prescribed through this simple 100% online process, I can get myself something that will help me really pop out when I do this wristwatch trick. You be clear, you shouldn't use it for bits on your friends, but you could use it for a relationship with your partner. You're my partner in a lot of ways. I'm not your partner. We own a business. No insurance is needed to get this.

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That's H-I-M M S dot com slash the yard for your personalized ED treatment options. Hims.com slash the yard. Oh, can you give me a little background while I do the disclaimer part? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh.

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and important safety information. Subscription required. Prices vary based on product and subscription plan. So now we'll go back, after all that, you could go maybe either play Halo 3 or go to hims.com, either one is probably fine. And we're gonna go back to the podcast. I have this tradition where I'll go to Denny's at on Christmas and I will watch the matrix on my phone and

Eat alone That's Okay Three times that I posted in the discord and then Mike was like Chrisman live at Denny's so you're not going Through all the Matrix movies, you're just doing the Matrix. Oh, it's the first Matrix. Yeah.

On my phone. I got this tradition on my birthday, I go to the tallest mountain in the city and I lie down flat on my back till the sun cooks me alive. And I just love doing it. It's like that. I like how my skin smells.

Just like, I like how it's just crisp on one side. Like a pork belly. There's nothing wrong Because why are you as a man spending holidays with other men? Right. Why are you as a man spending holidays at a Denny's? Because I'm a masculine that is masculine. That's true. It's still a if anything that's masculine stoic masculinity You never switch which matrix? No, it's always the first matrix. What are you ordering at Denny's? usually Grand Slam. Oh, Grand Slam, which is the top tier order replace American with cheddar.

Just saying I get omelets. I like omelet. OK, my dad used to lie to people at Denny's to try to get free grand slams. Well, what? What would you say? That work? No. But he also ended he also on his birthday be like, let's go to Denny's. We can get a free. It's like we can do it legit. That's awesome.

All right, let's go. Kids eat free. You can try that too. Dude, that always pissed me off. I would be 13 and you know, at that age, you're like, I'm no longer a kid by the way, but you know, but he would be like, yeah, this is my son. He's eight. And they look at you and they're like I'm no longer a kid by the way, but you know, yeah, but he would be like yeah This is my son. He's eight Yeah, he's like can he get a kid's meal kids kids ticket kids ticket cuz he was insanely cheap the kids ticket or like kids Meal and it's like he's you know, he's 10. Is that okay and I'd be so fucking mad

Beast yeah, he was about his bread That's beast. Yeah. He was about his bread. We had Mango on last week. We were talking this week about getting his payments out for SoCalStarLeague because I owed him like $600. And he showed me his checking account. He was like

I'm broke right now. I could really use this money. So I zelled it to him. And I was like, dude, how the fuck do you have no money in your bank account? Like that makes no sense. You've had six K subs for like fucking seven years. This is mango's thing.

Dude. And he said he he said I put 15 K away a month in savings no matter what. Fifteen thousand dollars out of his account is automatically put into savings, his retirement savings. And then he just spends whatever he has left over after that. But because he used to have 10,000 subs and now he only has 6,000 subs, I finally, he's always talking about how broke he is. Which is to be clear, he's putting away 15,000. He's not actually broke. But I was impressed.

I was like, dude, you put 15k away No matter what he was like yeah I've been doing this the whole time like for his the past like four or five years of streaming or whatever He does this every single month It's incredibly that's my incredibly responsible It is something you wouldn't expect from mango ssbm from the guy who told us how much he drinks the whole podcast Well, this is the taffoe effect Was it taffoe even this is taffoe grinding him down over years trying to tell him to invest? Yeah, yeah most of mangoes good responsible life decisions can often be traced back to taffoe. I like that

I think most things in life can be traced back to that's true bird fountain in the back of mangoes yard That's just a carved statue of taffo. And he's just pissing. The issue is he wouldn't have the money to buy it because he has the 15k put away. There's an old smash tweet that has always stayed in my mind. It was Milo the peach player. And they tweet out like, oh to be Taffo's wife. Because it was during that arc of time where Taffo posted these beautiful meals he made for his wife every day and now they got a little kiddo now he works at a 16 yeah is that like a movie and Zender Henderson's they're really big I forgot

the exact name of it aren't they like a game develop? They're uh, what's that word? Investment, what's that term guys? They invest in shit. Oh really? That's all it is? My eyes are open. They're like the fucking biggest investment thing in gaming. Oh it's BlackRock for gamers. Just say that. BlackRock for gamers.

Wait hold on. Hold on. Okay. You should do that. I kinda like this. You like that, right? I wanna evict some people from their homes. They own, you look at the Bank of America, and then the BlackRock, and then Nadeshot's in there, he's bald. This actually, there is a path here,

from your interest in Saudi Aramco to Gamer BlackRock, there's something here. You wanna hear my idea for Gamer Bank? Yeah. So welcome to Gamer Bank. Okay. You can bank with us, it's great. And every day you keep money in our bank,

your money goes up. Oh! It doubles. What? Every single day. It goes on forever. Hi, Gamer here. Sign me up.

All right, well, here's the catch, cause there's always somewhat of a catch. On a random day Everything gets deleted So you have to pull out your money in the right moment in the right moment before the random day Does it go to you and there's a random day every month? Dude, that's wait We might have to bleep his name

Isn't this what we might have to bleep his name. Isn't this the game that Blitz played? Yes, it's exactly that. This game is, this is psychotic behavior. Is this so when it all gets deleted on the random day? Yeah. Do you does it go to you? No, no, no. You own Gamer Bank? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gamer Bank takes the profit because they're paying for the doubles.

So, yeah, this game, you just put in your Bitcoin and then it goes up. It goes up and then you get to sell whenever you want. You all you have to do is click the sell button. This is insane. And so you can buy in with as much as you want. You can see on the right how much they're betting. No, those are bits. That guy in chat just said, I'm Andrew Tate.

Oh, that's cool. I'm pussied out. And and yeah, so so on average, it will always bust at like one point nine, whatever, like I think eight or five or something. Couldn't you just farm by doing one point one and automate it? Sometimes it crushes at one and then like with it'll crush at one like every one in 100 times. So you'll just lose everything you gain.

There's probably some sort of fee to it's that outweighs the the tiny bet I can feel by the screws turning in my brain right now that this might be a Hold we hold this Smart The game of making work I've seen our game or bike all right Roth either the gamer bank Roth IRA These are real humans on the right, betting a lot of money. I don't think they are. I think they're just bots. No, these are real. They're automated people.

I mean, it could be automated, but the money is owned by a real person. I don't think they could have thought of Chopper001. I don't think a bot could have got there. My daddy, Cole. Also, I don't think they're bots because they're selling at pretty high margins here. Thank you, Klaus. Man, you lost the race home to Liverpool. I once played this game for eight hours straight. Did you really? I lost a lot of money Wait, so do you just ruin your savings? You just lose what you put in?

Right. Yeah, I Think if it busts they take it all No, we're calling it respond finance. This is bad bureau. It's bad It's not bad you put in 10k and then all you have to do is wait until 10x and then you got a 100k And then what happens if you do that again? It's not you then you get more. It's not gamer banking. It's gamer Return to player V2 only Archie. Can you blur out all the name of the website everything? Yeah I really don't want to ruin somebody's life. There's 839,000 users. We're not gonna ruin your life, we're gonna make it.

You will lose, but you will not lose at Gamer Bank where our new Roth IRA account, you put your money in, you can't remove it until your retirement, when you're around 60 years old, and there's a 50-50 chance that it 10Xs or it's gone. And again, you own Gamer Bank. And I, the owner, well, the owner of Gamer Bank And there's a 50-50 chance that it 10Xs or it's gone. And again, you own Gamer Bank. And I, the owner, well, the owner of Gamer Bank is anonymous. What does the owner of Gamer Bank do with the money

if he steals it all? I'm gonna be honest with you, that math doesn't check out. He reinvested in the Gamer Bank. Where do you think the doubles are coming from? Is there a brick and mortar location? He said 10X. He paid tellers. It can't be 50-50.

I don't watch that show. It goes away versus. He said pay tellers. It can't be 50-50. I don't watch that show. It goes away versus. That was not that good. So there's like no staff. No staff. There's a parking lot. There is a parking lot. I tell you about a time my friend from high school got caught by the FTC making a lottery

illegally. No. Oh, and his name was Mr. Beast. His name was Mr. Beast. His name was Mr. Beast. He came up with this idea where it would be a website and on the website you would have a bunch of ads and if you put in your email once a month they would pick a winner and they would get

half the earnings of all the ads, just all the ad dollars. And so a bunch of people would go and just look at, you can click on the ads and put in their email to try to win. And then like half of it would go to charity. And so it was like, oh, you feel good doing it too. And then the FTC was like, oh, you made a lottery, sir. You made a lottery.

You made a lottery. Guess what? You got busted. Wait, what was the buy-in? Isn't charity- There's no buy-in. It was just, you put in your email and you look at the ads. Wait, how is it? It's on a lottery if there's a buy-in it was just you put in your you put in your email and you look at the ads

Wait, how is it? It's a lottery. There's no buy-in if you remove there is a buy-in isn't it your time. I buy it No, there's no buy. How's the lottery? Maybe it's a raffle or something. There's something that's illegal about it because they had to shut that shit down If they shut it down, they didn't like it Do you remember when twitch used to do this dude? Do they still do this when Twitch used to do this? Dude, do they still do this? You could watch ads for bits. Yeah. Do they still do that?

No. Why did they take that out? I think they got rid of it. That was such a good idea and not dystopic. Watching the Diablo 4 trailer so I get some bits. Yeah. Is PoopSenders.com still a website? Maybe they still have it actually.

I don't know. I haven't seen it though. I don't get it. Because it wasn't very popular, but I love the idea of like, corporation says watch our ad and you'll get a little bad. I mean, LOL games do this all the time. What? You have three lives per day if you want a life back.

Why is that someone's ass? PoopSenders.com is still a website, you can send shit to anyone. Oh, yeah, it's like animal poop. We used to do this in high school. Is it sterile? Or can you eat it? Dude, you can order a lot. 100%? You can order like a shit ton.

And you just get in this whole house. I love a 100% anonymous, like it's MulvadVPN. And then it says, we'll never tell. Dude, imagine this logo on the back of a Street Beef's fight. It's like, this Street Beef's brought you by poopcenters.com and private internet access It's a NASCAR car. We cut our ads for the rest of the year Do these spots. You know the word scumbag? Yeah. Yeah. You see mean condom. Oh

There is a faith there's a beloved joke. I remember from one of the roasts of It didn't even matter who because it was just Snoop Dogg making fun of Jimmy Kimmel, who was not being roasted. And Snoop Dogg says, you know, we call we call condoms in the hood Jimmy's because it's a scumbag and no one enjoys it when it's on. Nice. And I was like, that's so mean. But also, fuck that guy. Spits on him. So now I did know that. Thanksop. Thanks Snoop Football League. Just come, just come. Is it just shorthand for scum? Oh my God.

Is that why it's C-U-M? Come back. Did you know that fucking that's crazy. I'm still mind blown by that. Do you know Deli is short is a shorthand for a longer word. No. I didn't know that until just now. Delicatessen.

You didn't know. Delicatessen. Do you not know that? You know this? You didn't know that. You can to like delicate test and you didn't know delicate I don't know that you know Fake neck injury My accident change after the accident because all these spots in la are open it up And they're using that word and I'm like why are they trying to make a fancier word for deli? I looked it up. I felt dumb you drive a car. That's crazy They didn't know that thought it was like an ice cream place called like ice cream. A lot of dishes.

Like, why are they doing so much? Delicatessen. Wow. So so foreign and exotic. I thought it was like taco and taquito. You know, that's also a different item. No, but it's but it's like little taco. Oh, you thought it was like little bit lip. It's I thought it was like the end Oh, you thought it was like little pit lip. It's it's a telly

I thought it was like the end part. I thought it was like some sort of That makes a new word And you go in and it's just fucking ham sandwich, and it's just fucking deli sandwiches Yeah, well learnings thing is I got a love for a couple things one good times mm-hmm to Monster booty the third third one, language. Well, I also have language and monster booty. I love language. I think I got these fucking love language. Why do you think I have all of these rhymes in my head?

The twisted demons, the demons, they speak them to you. You love the demons and that's your problem. You'll never find. He doesn't turn them on. You don't want them to turn. Oh, I don't. I don't. I don't love demons. Oh, should we? Should we file an amendment?

I think we collectively should file an amendment. For what? What we do? We got a lot of things wrong about baseball last week. Oh, who cares? That's half the fun. I think you got a lot of things wrong about baseball. We all collectively. The post was about what you said.

You see me? You see me? Mogging the Internet. We're fine. I'm saying we got some factual things wrong about baseball. We all collectively. The post was about what you said. You see me mogging the internet? We're fine. I'm saying we got some factual things wrong about baseball. Who cares, dude? You're the guy who buckled and gave some guy some fucking cash out because he sucked your soul. I didn't give a guy a cash, he didn't suck a neighbor's soul.

You gave a neighbor a cash out because he sucked your soul. So a guy made a post on the subreddit. It was like, I like baseball. Here's why they're wrong. And it was actually well thought out. And it was very, most of the posts of these types of like nine paragraphs of bitching are usually really annoying and really misguided. This person was like, look, I get it. I just want to defend baseball here.

It made a lot of sense. And then I said, if you were offended by our baseball takes on the Twitter, here's if gift card to TGI Fridays. And then that guy from the subreddit was like, listen, I actually go to TGI Fridays with my mom a lot. And I'm not kidding, here's proof. I'm the guy who wrote the Reddit post. And I was like, he's like, is this offer still up for grabs?

And I said, yes, it is. And then he sent me a picture of him eating there with his mom, it was very cute. It's so cute. And then you say, tell her I said hi. Yeah, obviously. Ask her if she got the sliders again. Like maybe maybe maybe I eat one of the sliders.

You have the other two. Hmm. What did you get wrong? I don't even remember because I didn't get shit wrong. People's names. Yeah, it was his anecdote about why the the hidden rules of baseball are like that. And he like told told the story correctly. I can only see like I did not like the sub crowd of people who

or I just disagree with them that said like baseball, like, if you know all these like details of the strategy, like the game becomes like really interesting to follow, basically the idea that like there's so many layers to baseball that if you understand and know about them, then it becomes really interesting to follow, basically the idea that like, there's so many layers to baseball that if you understand and know about them, then it becomes really interesting. And I was like, yeah, that's everything. That's true. That's fucking any activity. I got probably the some of the meanest messages I've ever gotten in the past week.

That's after saying I could hit a 90 mile per hour fastball. Dude, some of my messages are insane. It was like avid because like people who like know me but also love baseball are a very small crowd, but they're loud. Yeah. And you you rattle their their world view. How am I supposed to think? A lot of them are like, maybe you could hit a baseball if it was like only fastballs in the same spot and you had like a metal bat.

But like if they were even trying to throw knuckleballs, like you're fucked. And I'm like, that's not what I said. Yeah. You're also like, no, I'd hit. Yeah. Only fastballs would hit. Or you'd be like, no, I hit a knuckleball. I probably hit all of them. Yeah. That's the fun part. Like, actually, you're wrong.

I would do it. And I'm the goat. It will never happen. So it doesn't matter. That's what I'm saying. I would beat up all dogs. Yeah, some guy any dog of me Some guy just said like yeah, like this he said something like this guy this tweet has guy who has a Vespa energy And I just said I don't have a Vespa Oh my god, he followed me What are we doing here? Oh, it's my fault now we're playing with the victim You know what I did appreciate is the day of the accident somebody posted on our subreddit that

is the day of the accident. Somebody posted on our subreddit that Aiden was right to worry. And it's the clip of me being worried that I can't get a hold of you for a day. And my excuse, because you're mad that I'm hounding you and hunting you down. I was not mad that you're hunting me down. I was mad that you messaged my mother and sister. Yeah. And because because you drive a Vespa or a bike and I'm worried about you. Though he was particularly vague about what happened.

Like when he told me first or second, he told me really soon after it happened. What, his accident? Yeah. I messaged you quick. It was the night of PSL. So I did think this was funny because it was the night we were playing basketball that same night and he was supposed to go. And in the basketball chat, he just said He just said sorry guys can't make it and didn't say anything about why He said can't make PSL got into an accident on my way to basketball

I need to go like clean up and stuff and I just assumed it was on his bike Oh, I wouldn't say it was on with those words. I would assume it was a shit pants accident. That's what Cutie thought. Oh, when he got home and told Cutie I had an accident, she thought you pissed yourself. She swirled your beautiful. She was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, my baby swirled.

I don't piss myself that often. I know sometimes, but like, seriously, you don't have to think just because I say that. I miss myself. The other morning, I had like seven consecutive dreams about getting out of bed and going to the bathroom and I got all the sensation of how nice it feels to pee and I woke up and I didn't pee the bed. Just copped the most lucky shit of all time. When's the last time you peed the bed?

In England when we went to do the Ace of Butterfield episode. Really? I forgot. But that was the- there wasn't a time before that passed like a long long time. did you get piss on zippered too no I didn't pee on her I did the thing where I told this on the podcast you already forgot yeah I don't think where I pee the bed but then in my dream what I hear someone laughing is that in the room I'm sorry I got hit by a fucking car That's fucking embarrassing My god's car

I started peeing in the bed but in my dream I said oh this is a dream shit and I woke up and I stopped peeing Yeah, you clenched I clenched and I went to the keyboard muscle Grab one of the potato bag fucking potato chip clips That doesn't work for our kind Your dick starts fucking filling up

no no no this is for you guys for us we don't have a choice he's saying a real potato chip clip for us we have to put our thumb over like a hose yeah it's different we get a different technique you tape it like fucking mouth tapers

this is how I don't pee myself every night yeah and then I threw my underwear away. Why? Because I didn't have a washing machine at the hotel. Because I paid for a $100 a night hotel because that was cheap. You just bring it to the front desk and you throw it on there. Yeah, washies for me. It makes a sound that SpongeBob makes when he walks. You got washies.

I've got piss on me knickers. There's definitely a word. The British have been around for so long in human history. There is a word for pissing the bed. Gobblegash! Yeah. Billy, Billy Bow. It's shnog, shnog the sheets of my cock.

I shnog. Well, we didn't. I did you tell us this when this happened? You never told us this. No, I told you it like very soon after. This is the world's first. No, we had you it like very soon after. This is worlds first. No, we had that tool where you looked this shit up now. That guy, the cool community member made that website.

That's true, yeah. What are the yardsearch.io I think. I think it's like yards, sea.rch or some shit. And then Zipper2 decided to stay with you. Yeah. Guys, I had an issue with my cat the other day. Okay. What was the issue? Your cat like the slang word or like your actual cat?

I don't have a vagina. If that's what you've... I wasn't talking about your monkey. We're gonna talk about what a cat and a monkey are later. That super monkey ball of yours. I don't have one. Back to it. I had an issue where Ders just shit himself.

Your cat shit himself? He done shit himself everywhere. Dude, the poop gets all wrapped up in his fur. It gets all wrapped up in his fur, and we can't get him to get shaved because he bites everyone who shaves him. It looks like the aliens in Battlefield Earth. I did it.

I shaved my cat's butt. You shaved your cat's butt? How do you do it? I shaved my cat's butt. Well, using the lawnmower that I have. The Manscaped lawnmowerped yes, sir. It's the manscaped lawnmower 5.0 ultra I use that shit on me and my cat, but I had to change out the blades Which is easy because the next-gen dual blades have interchangeable skin safe blade heads. They're on 6.0 next What does this black ops we're getting to about like what our phones can comprehend did you do it in the dark?

I did it in the shower. I locked her inside the shower and I closed the door. If you use a razor, surely you cut the cat's skin. No, brother, please listen up. This shit is like waterproof because I had the water on because it was really hard to do. I won't lie to you. And and it works great. It didn't scratch her. She was like she was compliant.

He was compliant. She was compliant. Did you use the mower or the beard? Uh, a little call me a little call me because I wanted to make sure she was like, she was compliant. She was compliant. She was compliant. Did you use the mower or the beard hedger? Little column A, little column B because I wanted to make sure she was all cleaned up, so it's like, really I'm in there like a barber. I gave her like a, it's like a.5 fade, like a high fade. High fade on the asshole.

High asshole. I want the butt, don't be so crass. Okay, sorry. If I want to get one of these, where do I go? My bathroom, I can do it for you, but it's good. If I want one that wasn't on your cat's asshole, where do I go? My bathroom, I can do for you, but it's good. If I want one that wasn't on your cat's ass, I'll show you where I go. I thought you wanted, if you mean,

Yeah, maybe like a new one. You at home wanted one that works for your body or anyone's body or anything's body. You go to manscaped.com slash the yard and get the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra plus Beard Hedger today. You won't need that one. What promo code do I have to use? My go there.

It's the yard, all right. Or you can go to manscaped.com slash the yard will pop up or the yard Well, let's go back to the episode just a clean read and a clean feed clean asshole before this is by we film this before The accident now after the accident you're wearing bandages. This is a cut that was in the kitchen Rejecting portion on the hand. I like to make a public apology to Tyler1. No. After careful consideration of my skill in League of Legends, I realized that when we played a few years ago, I might have been the problem. No, dude.

You think so? Well, I honestly, God didn't because this whole time I was like, there was Tyler1 and Doublelift and they had Miz Kiff Like surely this is them problem. Not me problem. Yeah, and then I played with cutie and It didn't go great dude, but your fiddle sticks has fiddle tricks We all know that well, then I played with Connor and it didn't go great and I was like, who does it go great with? I think your fiddle thick Apparently my fiddle is not thick. Oh

And just okay. Oh, and just. Okay. Well, you yourself said I'm not bad at the game. I'm new because Josh was roasting you the other night on my stream. And you said I'm not bad at the game. I'm new. You can't be you've been playing for years now. So let him talk.

So this isn't good for you, by the way. About that not bad thing. So if you're not bad, you're new. This means that the whole time you just thought you were really good without having played the game. I think where I went wrong is when I told Tyler, I got this. I know how to play the game. And I think if I had gone into it more humbly and said,

yeah, I've only played about 25 games 25 at that time probably that is nothing Enough to play ranked no no no it's not that I had a lot to play might have gotten more you That's crazy respect. How did you have a rank at that point? Didn't you say I don't have a rank you said you had a No, I have a rank now. Oh, I'm iron one. Oh What is it? Is there any lower? Yeah in league? It's the opposite. So like one is the highest of the almost bronze Let's go. That's right, baby. Let's go. That's right. Yeah. Well, it's good step by step It's my seat in smite for like you didn't you didn't smite for that first 10 minutes, he said? Yeah, I forgot I had the smite.

I played last night with QT. I forgot to buy. Oh, that's that's kind of crucial. That's the game. Yeah. Now that I've played deadlock, I kind of get what that means. Yeah, I'm getting there. I'm going to have a league phase, I think. I think QT, I think you might get broken.

It's cool. You're 29. Why don't we wait for that phase after we pay taxes? No, we're doing it now. We pay taxes. We do it now. League phase after. I think PSL is about to break QT. Why?

I thought she played well last time. Last time we played, she was like, I'm about to throw this controller across the room. Did she play well? She had a couple games where she did play well. Yeah. Did she top frag any? Well, no, her teammate was Nick Yingling. So Nick Yingling was, was, was cooking.

She second frag? On his, on her team with Nick Yingling. Yeah, there we go. Second of second. Wait, there's 2v2? We're playing 2v2v2v2. Oh. Oh.

See, that's what PSL is now. You weren't there. I don't know anymore because I've missed everything. Apparently Aiden plays against 8th creators all day. Yeah. And PSL does 2v2v2v2. He also hanged out with them after, which is... Were they chill? Weird. I don't know anymore because I've missed everything. Apparently Aiden plays against 8th creators all day. Yeah. And PSL does 2v2v2. He also played out with them after, which is...

Were they chill? Weird. Were they fun? Yeah, you said you went to Kyle's house? Mom made cookies? Jensen's, Qbert's. Wraith had the whole sleepover. Jensen's in Qbert's house.

It's crazy they all share one. It's the Jensen's house and the Qbert house. Yeah, don't do... Speaking of taxes, man. We got to pay taxes soon. And I was thinking how lucky we are to live in a world where when like a cop shoots a Pomeranian in the face with a Glock 19, it blows its head away. That they get to have paid leave.

Yeah. Based on who would pay for the leave? Otherwise, who would pay for the leave to the smallest Yeah Collectively is going mostly to the fucking Social Security and military That's fine. But what I appreciate the most about it is when that Pomeranian named named happy happy face Gets its head absolutely obliterated by a 12 gauge shotgun from a police officer. And I'm like, what a weird name for a dog, but still wrong.

Who is? Cause they do that. You gotta put him on paid leave. Cause you have to pay him. He's a cop. What's he gonna do? He protected us for that long. And he needs to leave for a bit. But.

He has to chill out, collect, and I like that. That makes me feel comfortable about the whole idea. I think every cop should have two guns. Well, you know what? One that they are not responsible for what happens with it, and the other one that's theirs. Oh, the fun gun? Yeah, so they have one gun that has five bullets.

Whatever happens, happens. Whatever happens, happens. And they have another gun that they have, and whatever happens happens. Whatever happens happens. And they have another gun that they have, you know, the body cam matters, all that. Yeah, yeah. Truly, they do. But my tax dollars pay for the fun gun. You like that. I like the fun gun. And I like when that ends up in a Rottweiler's chest.

You're really into the dog thing. Yeah, you're you caught up. It's crazy that they kill so many dogs. I can't I think about it all the time I get more people than dogs anecdotally. It's like I bet it's even you have the stats I just just like I don't I don't actually know I just like I don't know about the dog thing Can we get different can you like how many dogs get murdered by the police every year? What's a crazy number?

I think if it's over, if it's five figures, that's crazy. I want to see if it's four figures. It's crazy. Four figures is crazy, but it's five figures is crazy. Three figures is kind of crazy. I think a hundred dogs. This is what I'm going to say. This is what I'm going to say.

They said police kill in America the police kill at least three dogs a day. That's a thousand dogs, that's a lot. That's actually well over a thousand. Controversial. I think two digits is crazy. If they kill 98 dogs a year, that's a lot! Dude, two digits? It's a big country. It's a very big country. There's a lot of situations.

300 million people, probably even more dogs. And some dogs have it coming. And some dogs, you don't know what they're dealing. Especially, especially the smaller ones. If the dogs just comply. All they needed to do is stand back, stand by. Yeah, we do. We do kind of sound like a like a Redfield podcast that's just coding the term dog.

The research problem, the puppy side database For years a team of volunteers use public records new stories and interviews to compile evidence of nearly 3,000 killings Of pets by police thousand now it's over. What period is a large number But it represents a small fraction of the pets that are killed by law enforcement. Okay, let me be real real quick Well, I don't care if a cop shoots a parrot. I don't fucking care It's a small fraction of the pets that are killed by law enforcement. Okay, let me be real real quick. I don't care if a cop shoots a parrot. I don't fucking care. Dude, I care cause that's a small target. That's kind of a sick shot.

If you're tracking the fucking parakeet that somebody owns and you hit. Aren't parrots smarter than dogs? My taxes better go to a fucking raise for that guy. I think parrots are smarter than dogs, no? This is just a yearbook of poor dogs. Alright, this is sad. So, so, I don't like looking at this. I don't think this is annual.

This is crazy, bare minimum, 8 dogs a day. No, I don't think this is annual. Uh, is it total? They just said that's how many they tracked total. Can we look at a stat that says shows the year? I don't think it's known is what it sounds like. I don't like the name. No, this would definitely be known because all these would be like police reports.

But literally what they said is they were compiling the police reports in the interviews in public news stories and they gave up on the project. This source, ABA Journal, it says... A big actress in Abba. This says 10,000 dogs a year about. Dude, that is so, that's just, I don't even know if I buy that one. I feel like that's so many. This is not, now this is a Newsweek article. This is a different source saying also maybe they're getting it from the same actual data.

I think I need to see a source. They're kind of very fine. I need to see the bodies of the dogs. I'm not going to blindly believe that. Oh, so the new, wait, the Newsweek article is based on an article from a publication called the Police Magazine? Oh, the Cop Weekly? I'm gonna look that up and see. Cop Weekly actually said that donuts are free for life.

Guys, our numbers are up. We have 100 billion donuts eaten, 10,000 dogs killed. It's like one of them with the graphics of the big numbers. I would argue that this police magazine, as I'm giving it a cursory scroll, looks as if it's a police favored publication. So what that tells me is that the police favored couple of applications dropping a number that says 10,000. That's it. That's all.

They have a leaderboard. You read two headlines and made that. Yeah. I just looked at the source from where I came, but I'm just saying we read two headlines. What happened to our country? We can't just read a random news article and believe it. God, it's a statistic. That's what everyone does. It's a statistic that I think is very easy.

I know, we can do this. Do we have any? I'm saying we can do this. I'm just saying everyone does. Do we have any emails from ground news, perhaps? Ground news. How many dogs are killed by cops? What's ground news' take dogs around news is take? On the dog my tax dollars fund Paul to shot TV there's someone talking about this if police magazine the magazine for cops says we only kill 10,000 dogs He's pleased magazine. I think it's looking at all the articles

They are very cop favored and mourning the death of police officer child pageant for police Hmm brought to you by Police Magazine. Police magazine. Are you looking for a fucking for an event opportunity? This is the Ben Schwartz show. They did a police pageant. For cops? Yeah. Police pageant for cops.

What did that guy do? Oh, did they have like a dog shooting? Like not Ben Schwartz. Like talent show. This is pretty good. We got a department of Justice estimate. According to a Department of Justice estimate police officers shoot and kill over 10,000 bad dogs in the US every year.

10,000 is usually the number we keep arriving at. I decided, I don't know, pull me out. Get me out. Put me up in the beam of this pit. I don't like it. 10K's a lot. 10K's a lot. Is this more? Is this more?

I hope to God this is more than the people number. The people number is way higher. How many people are you talking about? Accidental deaths? Are you talking about just people killed by police? Humans killed by US cops. I guess you'd have to just go raw number. Oh, it's lower.

Police is lower. Humans killed by police per year is lower. What's that? I mean, it's still four digits. What the fuck? It's so much lower. Is there like a dog shooting range at the? That's what I'm saying. In Texas, where the cops go. Maybe the people are wrapped in dogs.

Oh, dog body armor. Yeah. Running around like the PCP ninja. It's like in The Walking Dead, when they strap like phone books to the chests to stop getting bitten. You guys see the new Black Hawk Six mechanic, the meat shield. Yeah, it's going higher. It's so funny because you can hostage grab somebody and be like,

yeah, you like that. The wrap phone bit in Atlanta. It's like everybody could have affordable body armor. They just used to talk. Yeah, it's just like a bandolier of Pomeranians. Okay guys, hey to the listeners of the Yard podcast, we love dogs. I love dogs. We're sorry for how long that bit was. What do you mean sorry?

It's happening. It's not a bit. They're shooting the dogs. We're talking about how we're glad our tax dollars go Unhappy my tax dollars help them kill dogs Was it Lee said for some of you guy who said he would easily kill any dog all is trying to walk I said he's happy they shot a a parrot. Stop shooting at the puppies. If you kill them with your bare hands, it's fine. No, that's honorable. Yeah, that's just a fair one.

Well, if they're the same weight class as you. I would never kill a dog with a gun. If you die in the ring, that's just a good fight. Would you kill a dog with your bare hands if the dog had a gun? Yeah. I would disarm the dog and then... Wait, wait, wait, is it strapped to him or is he holding it? He's holding it with his left hand. Oh, he's dead.

I pull out my gun that I have, one in the eye, one in the heart just to make sure. Go over, check his pulse, he is dead. Take his gun off him, it's my gun, I have two guns. Two guns and one fresh dog to eat. That's actually, this is what they locked up Michael Vick for. He was fighting the dog. And then he came back, they crushed on the eagles. A lot of people know that. He was strapping a fucking M1911A1 to a dog's head.

They don't talk about how good he was when he came back. They honestly actually do. He was so good when he came back. They do talk about it. He was so good when he came back, man. It's like the main narrative about him coming back. They don't talk about it. He was so good on the Eagles.

I remember them talking about it. I didn't even follow football. We're going to get one of those bars below this episode. Misinformation bars? I think we did more due diligence than we've ever done on a thing. We didn't give baseball this much fucking due disrespect. Yeah, because we love dogs.

And baseball is hot poopoo garbage. And this week, this same, there's going to be a fan outcry. It's like, I think it's okay to shoot the dogs You drink with your homie The hot dogs are really good at the gun shooting range for dogs? You guys are being mean. There's probably people who watch this whose dads work in like Pomeranian bandolier industries. And like you want him to be out on a job because what?

Because what? Because you're mad about your tax dollars. Rich podcasters. Man. We have a fucking lot of fun on the show it's crazy sometimes we learn something maybe this is the last episode you think so this is the last I can't wait to crack that ball out of the fucking stadium bro that one tweet somebody put every year someone says they can do this corn base sucked kill yourself

Yeah, I looked I looked at that I clicked another Twitter. I'm like I don't even know this I know For bad until afterwards, it's a really funny tweets are rated. You don't know The form is just something the thing you made sucks, kill yourself? It's, it's, I would strike X out and then this is like, and then you insert some personal things along the way. Yeah. I throw a slider, he's chasing.

Dude, everyone, everyone who was mean to me walked that shit back when I asked my mom for some photos of me playing baseball. You looked hard. You did look great. Dude, you even want to see a fucking steeze I had in those photos? Yeah, it was crazy. You look crazy. I was, I was playing baseball, like Yeah, it was crazy. You look crazy.

I was playing baseball like I knew there was someone taking photos of me. I only wanted the photos of me. Those are some of the best pictures. Why was my hat backwards? I don't know. You were getting scouted back there. The helmet over the hat? Dude, that was crazy.

The American flag breaking out of the rock helmet. The photographer deserves some credit my mom. Oh, oh Yeah, she was my she was my first photographer. Oh, she's a great lady. Yes wonderful woman shut your mouth We have a carve out I guess it's fucking not American anymore. My mom is old news There's nothing old about your mom Hey, you guys see Marvel and Wolverine yet? Follow my mom's weekend. Did you really? Yeah, it was poopy garbage

It's a stinger you said Marvel and Wolverine that same thing dr. Marvel. Yeah Deadpool Wolverine I mean, is it more... Aiden took his girlfriend to see it, which I think is... You might as well blow your... She took... She took me to see it. She took you to see it?

Real shit. Damn. That's cool. Nice, alright. Did she buy my ticket? Did you like it? The whole movie was just like... Not really.

Deadpool would be like, Oh, what if I cummed blood in the in the brains of the cum enemy and everyone in the crowd starts laughing their fucking ass off? Hold on, sweetheart. That's how our DND goes. So let's not before we kind of know. Our podcast goes sometimes too. Glass houses. Yeah. No, no. I kind of was.

And it as somebody who liked the first one I did not like this one I did enjoy pretty much every line Channing Tatum said my god that was awesome that part is over that's really funny that part's part that are funny the movie is not good are you allowed to go into movie theaters in your condition yeah there's a handicap spots. Oh my god Let you into we saw oh my god. You think you got a handicapped spot Okay, I have a planned day tonight tonight. I'm gonna go to we spy he's gonna fucking dump me in We're returning the shorts and then and then we're gonna head over to the theater.

He's gonna throw me in the hate comments. Imagine this guy in the fucking blue chair in the movie theater and he's just like, ha! Oh god, you can't... this happened at Fast and Furious. He's turning his whole body. You guys like that joke? And no one can say shit. No one can say anything, cause... I will say, showing up in a wheelchair anywhere, No one is going to heat check you on that Well, actually that's not true. Dude. Can we take I get heat checked here? Can we take you places and cut in line?

No, I do like my mom's got a handicap sign because she's got a handicap. She got a handicap son It's true. I should get her sign, but sometimes I use her sign what she's on around Do you limp? I apologize. When I exit the car? Yeah, just in case we were watching. Dude, I go take you to Disney. I drag a leg like I'm Frankenstein's monster. Take me to Disneyland.

I don't know if it's that much of a hack. Disney is crazy. It definitely is. They will check your blood sugar. Google it. He got hit by a car yesterday, bro. Yeah, but then they'll be like, yeah, but I watched a stream. One of our Disney agents watched the stream where he described how it wasn't that bad

and he was walking around. Disney buckled. Oh, in that lawsuit? Yeah. On the one where the lawsuit where the person died at Disney World and then they. Because he had signed. And the guy sued for like 50K.

This guy's wife died because she had an allergy and she was served food that she said, I have an allergy. They didn't buckle. It got out of their legal. So their legal decided to fight in that crazy way. But then it got into like their actual higher level management. And they were like, no, no, no.

Yeah, they buckled. Go back. I wouldn't call it a buckle. I don't think it would have gotten to a higher level. It wasn't like it was a hard fought fight and they buckled. I don't think they would have gotten to, I don't think it would have gotten to a higher level. It wasn't like it was a hard fought fight and they buckled. I don't think they would have gotten to a higher level. I don't think it would have gotten a higher management. They just realized it was going to be cheaper with money than socially.

That's buckling. If your legal department instantly, okay, so the reason why this guy's wife died, and then he was like, I'm suing you guys because you fed my wife something that killed her, and they said no, because you signed up for Disney Plus. Like six years ago, by the way, you actually gave away your it was a waiver of liability for anything that happens to do with Disney. And so that actually the guy who found it was like, guys, we got him. And if your legal department is has that ready to go, something's wrong. Yeah, I think that's bad.

Yeah, actually, you signed up for the yard, a Patreon three years ago, Joe Abunga, so even though I broke both your legs in a car accident, so you know, your legs hitting a fastball back at you, even though you lost nine hundred dollars in a bet, technically, when you sign up for the Patreon, you are not allowed to leave. Ludwig didn't like that. I was like, I was like, Ludwig, no, Aiden made a bet with her at Beyblades and said if he loses the Beyblade, she gets all the money back that she's given us, which is like almost nine.

What? Nine hundred dollars. It's like seven hundred and eighty or something. Yeah. So it's like a thousand dollars. And I said, Aiden made a bet with her and Ludwig was like, nope, you don't pay out. We lie. He's not paying out.

You guys pay out. I'm not paying. I'm not paying. I'm going to pay her out. Well,. You're gonna pay her out 25 you see that keeps being like no I'm about to unsubscribe from the yard patreon, and I'm like okay. Yeah, I check next week mm-hmm I'm gonna let now you're gonna have to scribe now now now you're gonna do it You love your money, but you may as well put nine hundred dollars more back into it We should get her in next week. Yeah, we should We'll put $900 more back into it. We should get her in next week.

Yeah, we should. Dude, no. We're in fucking damn ass Texas. Fuck if I know. Fuck if I know either. She's been here and she's never even seen the yard set. She's never come upstairs? She's scared to ask.

She didn't come upstairs? Mm-mm. She said she didn't want to, didn't she? No. She was trying to play cool. No, I think she was afraid. She's afraid, dude. Of what? Phantom attacks. I don't know. Phantom attack or something. Yeah. Agent. Aren't we all? Afraid of

phantom attacks? L, L stream. You're not? No. But it's your fries. But it's my and he does take them. I'm afraid of pop attacks. Pop attacks does come for us all. He takes more than one bite pop attacks doesn't come for you, but pop attacks does come for them Who taxes papa whoa yeah, we're off the air. What we're off the air. Oh my god Alright hey pop attacks has come for you. It's time to go to the patreon if you'd like to see more And we will be in there doing more of this podcast fastest growing patreon in the West so it's the growth is stagnated. We have a lot of merits to us, but growth is not one of them.

Still fantastic. So go ahead and enjoy. See you in the bonus episode.