The Yard - Ep. 18 - How Many Cokes Until You Die?

Episode Date: November 3, 2021

It's like Supersize Me, but there's no influential movie motivating its conception. This week the boys talk about bullying seasoned rock climbers, the good ol days of YikYak, and trying to get Timothy Chalamet on the pod.

Let me open up this goddamn pit, Fullerton. Is that in Fullerton? That Denny's? Uh, oh, I don't know. Opening up this pit is just like a thing you say at concerts. But you said Fullerton. Yeah, but that's just like where a lot of shows happen. Okay, so you just chose that. What's up, Fullerton? Yeah.

We went to a show once for Dawson. We dropped by because it was near the balcony. That was in Fullerton. Oh, shit. You guys went to a show with Dawson? We didn't go to a show. No, he would never let us. It was, we found out where his show was.

Fuck, what's that venue called? And it was a skate shop with a bunch of dudes just not dancing and nodding their heads. I fucking can't remember what it's called. It's on the street next to a boba shop and a pizza place. Shoutouts to us, The Yard. Welcome to The Yard.

Aiden, can you get rid of all the Halloween shit? Just slide it off the TV, you psycho. Keep the skeleton, though. slide it off the TV, you psycho. Keep the skeleton, though. That gets the top. That's important. Let it go very far.

Can someone answer who gave my gnome a Rasta hat? Who did this? That's my Rasta hat. Whose is that? We got that in Italy. Whose Rasta bracelet? That's an Italian Rasta hat. Are you Ludwig Lion now?

Big up. Oh, Lud Lion. I've been working on my accent if you want to hear it for the rest of the show. Oh, well, maybe not the rest. What do you know about the doppy? Well, I could tell you about the doppy. Or Pusio Bomba Clops. I get sloppy doppy.

Wow. I feel like that's a curse and you shouldn't say that. I said it. We're like throwing darts at a map and deciding which worldly place to hate us this episode. I think we can get them all. Jamaica? We got 52 weeks, 52 countries in the world. We got there.

All 52 of them. All 52. It's like Pokemon. 52 countries. Yeah, and then 53 is Mew. I feel like he said 52 because he thinks there's 52 states maybe. There are. I'm kidding. 52 states in thinks there's 52 states maybe there are i'm kidding

52 states in the u.s and 52 countries globally it's the magic number of the world you know how many countries there are 171 depends who you ask is it 94 how do you know because i'm not counting taiwan what does that mean uh not gonna not dab you up on that? It's a Chinese Communist Party joke. Oh, right. Okay, okay. Because there would be 195. It is crazy that John Cena had to apologize in Chinese. Yeah, I got one.

So the Chinese Communist Party walks into a bar. Okay. We're continuing the saga of Nick's slow decline. And that makes me so happy. No, this is good. Nick. I love that. The tension is what makes the joke good.

Yeah, yeah. Let's take this one up. I think the YouTuber's name, I think it's Drew Binsky, I think, which does sound like the setup for something now that I say it out loud. Dude, I was trying to. My brain was a slot machine.

I'd be like, Drew what? Drew my balls? Dude, real quick. The other day we had in our group chat for our house, in the same like 20 minutes, Aiden was talking about his friend Candice and Cutie was talking about her friend Wendy. And I'm like, not on. We all were stanced up. Like, no one's talking to you guys. And both of them actually had a friend.

It was also like questions like, yo, is it cool if Candace comes over? And I'm like, oh, real funny, Aiden. It was important. It was important. I was trying to help Candace out, and nobody's responding because they don't want to fall for the fucking joke.

Yeah, real quick, Mr. Jablomi asked if we could and then uh cutie actually had a stream with wendy yeah from offline tv right so it's like not actually offline tv oh she's not oh my bad there are five people zach wants to come over and about 40 people get the offline tv tag why is that because they just made a lot of people so this is interesting interesting. A-Truck got pissed. Well, he wasn't actually pissed. He's never actually pissed, by the way. My award-winning video was just a bit. And A-Truck was saying downstairs,

because we were making jokes about, like, NVIDIA stock. He's like, why does everyone think of, like, just NVIDIA stock? He's like, I'll just go around talking about it. Like, Nick would be playing Melee with him, and A-Truck doesn't approach in the game. He's really fun to play. Nick would be like how much Nvidia stock did you come to center stage?

I was like how much do you get to play melee with me? Just to play melee while they're playing melee. And he was like why does everyone get to like Nick says like everyone says it. And I was asking him I was like why do you think we say it? You have to ask yourself why do people perceive this about you?

And he didn't have an answer i look in i love psychoanalyzing h rock when he's not here it was awesome a bit of an indictment in the in the doritos locos tacos gaming center and i was just sitting there i was like i feel like it's it's just funny and i don't need to break it down is it a bernstein bears effect where we're like we think he says it all the time or he did at one point i mean it's like half his investment portfolio and he looks at it like almost daily and talks about it a decent amount along with other nvidia but he talks about it a decent amount does it count as your investment portfolio if it's compensation from your job yeah it's still your investment asset that accrues value what the

fuck question is that you have a finance degree you think there's like a different yeah it's still your investment an asset that accrues value what the fuck question is that you have a finance degree you think there's like a different category it's like this is the one the company gave you this is the one you bought he didn't invest any money though you know it's just like no we literally don't bonus doesn't doesn't it come from your yeah there's like a stock matching system that companies do i feel like it's because we don't do it you receive a stock it's still an investment just Just like maybe in the philosophical sense. You offer your labor in return. He just categorized it differently because he's not working there and gambling on the stock rising.

He's invested in this. Before I came up here. Never mind. HROG's in our kitchen right now. Before I came up here, he goes, I don't know. Before I come up here, he goes, well, can you not do an impression of me on the show? I literally look at him. He actually asked me this question.

I look at him and I said, why? I'm going to go do an impression of you on the show again, like I always do, like I did. He just laughed and he's like, oh, you know, it's a fun challenge. I'm like, no. It is a challenge. People have been trying not to come or do an Atriox impression. I feel like it's a rite of passage.

I feel like I get to make fun of Atriox and have a podcast. We all, actually, you two specifically shit on Atriox so much. You do when you're on stream together. I feel like you do it less when you're just hanging out. Never when I'm hanging out. He's going to reach a breaking point. No. He is.

Because he's securing himself. And we shit on him for being rich. Also, he delivers it back to me. Maybe tenfold. Does he? I call him the old once. And then he hits back with a thousand blows. I will say people are going to ask why H-Rocks aren't on the pod.

And I will answer this because I fucking hate that guy. Let's go. Let me tell you why this piece of shit. We got beef? Yeah, we got beef, bro. So you know how we have it beef bell can we all do a well at the same time to see if he can hear us from down all right all right on three one two three i don't think they heard that. I don't know if you heard it, but we heard it from downstairs.

They heard that. He was like already there. He's under the hatch right now. Shut the fuck up. To the fucking ceiling. That threw me back to living in an apartment complex. Anyway, this guy. He's banging on the roof like a Friends episode.

This guy, giant sack of shit, because we got the guest room, and I loaded up that guest room with a pretty nice computer stream setup by iDead. I mean, slime, let's get that going. He did it. Yes, sir. This was the one, by the way, that you told Sykuno you had when you didn't. Yes.

And then I had to make it happen in a day. Somebody tell Sykuno that he lied. Did we talk about this on the pod? Yeah, we did. Yeah, the one I lied to Sykuno about. But we have it now, and I got him the guest room, and he has the setup there. And I was like, hey, you can stream from there.

It's beefy. First day he's here, he streams from my upstairs setup. I don't know this because he has not streamed here. He streams from my, like, personal computer that has no camera on it that I just use for, like, business calls and just other personal things. It's also the old computer you used to stream on back in the day. Yeah. So I didn't know.

I knew he was live. This computer's hilarious too because it has a really nice custom keyboard next to a really shitty keyboard that's plugged in that he uses. It does have that right now. Also, it's not that nice. It's the 100 Thieves. It's the high ground one, right? That's the one that's You used to have the super nice one. I spilled a bunch of stuff on it.

You are a pillar of waste. But I did get a new keyboard, so I'll put that in there. Anyway, the point is that's my personal computer, and I got him a setup. The first day, he ended up streaming from that computer, all right? And by now, this is already out, but that's where he leaked the Valkyrae DMs. Yeah. And then that didn't end up great for Ray, I will say. That's a net positive

for content. Am I right? It is good for content. You guys made clips out of it. You're acting like it's a problem. You instantly capitalized on it. I didn't do shit. What are you talking about? It's on your channel. I didn't do any. No, it wasn't. Big A or leaks the DMs or whatever? That was Atriox's channel.

His stream. Dude. Oh, shit. Dude, he's dirty. He fights dirty. I didn't do it. It's one-to-one. So I'm like, motherfucker, I didn't think you were gonna use that computer. I got you a computer.

Then the whole rest of the entire trip, he spends on that computer daily playing chess games. Yeah, you also can't use it. For like eight hours, I can't use it. And now he streams from my setup downstairs in the stream room.

And he hasn't used the computer in the guest room once. He actually worked his way down. He did the exact opposite of what you requested. This is the plot of Parasite. He logged out of like all of my shit and logged into his shit on like both computers. Can I ask you?

So, all right. So the leak happened. I'm like figuring it out. I'm in a group chat with Aiden and Ken, our old boss. Right. We just talk about stuff and he's like, damn, I feel like you know her and atriog like this sucks we're like what happened we didn't even know yeah right because i was upstairs he posts the clip and i'm like i'm looking at the time stamp and i'm looking at the chat i'm like this just happened in our

house downstairs like five minutes ago yeah like behind you yeah and i go i actually you could have done something because in my head it was like oh this might be a high stakes situation like i didn't even read the dms i went downstairs because i wanted to see how atrioc was handling it atrioc is not only not concerned not talking about this but still streaming and still playing in the fall guys tournament yeah just talking to chat yeah i'm like impenetrable if i lived with mark walberg he would have stopped the leaks you think so yeah he would have stopped all marky mark could have stopped the valcuri i love how you're comparing h-rock to an actual group of terrorists yeah marky mark and the funky bunk yeah the domestic bunch what's the so remind i think remind me the story is that mark walberg

was supposed to be on the 9-11 flight is that, remind me, the story is that Mark Wahlberg was supposed to be on the 9-11 flight. Is that what it was? No, he just thought that if he was on it, he could have done something. That's all.

I thought the origin of that was that he, like, was gonna be on that flight but wasn't. Seth MacFarlane was gonna be on the flight but he missed it.

Oh, shit. He would have lost Family Guy. Don't say anything. Everyone's made this joke before. I just learned about this anyway that was the result so dude i fuck you by the way why here's why because you because this happens i'm like oh yeah i see thank you everyone thank you so at home please join in everyone's like you know this happened and i'm like what the fuck And I messaged the group chat and I add Ludwig and I say,

the upstairs computer is fully like usable for streaming. So this doesn't happen. And I just made sure to say that in case there was like, it wasn't known. And then I came down and said to you, I was like, why didn't he use it? And you said, because Fall Guys wasn't installed on it and we had to start so you're acting incredulous here no this is what he told i'm just passing on the message i did not know he went live from that computer until like 30 minutes into the stream and then his reason was because the fall guys was not installed on the upstairs computer which he

could have just clicked the button i know i'm with you 100 it's a very easy thing to do that was his reason. It's not a big game. It's not a big game. He also didn't use a face cam downstairs, so there would have been no different setup wise. It had no face cam. Also, the mic on that computer sucks.

Also, there is one upstairs. Either way, it's crazy. I remember being so mad because I was like, this motherfucker, he has one job as a streamer yeah in any context ever your job is to not show information on stream it's just your job the funny part to me is that streamers consistently like don't talk in a self-destructing platform like everyone all of your jobs is the same thing to broadcast your computer to 20 000 people that is all of your jobs. So stop talking in the biggest program you use when you stream. Just stop

doing it. Just talk somewhere else. Oh no, the Discord leak was a text leak. I know, still. Just talk somewhere else. You're always using Discord. What's the alt-right channels that people are using? And this episode is brought to you by Signal. Signal!

I too saw that documentary about WhatsApp. You don't want them reading your messages? You can get over on Signal. Hey, we're not doing an ad. We're not doing a fucking free read for them. We take it back. Fuck Signal. Archie, blur all that shit. Telegram, so much better. Stop this!

Even not realizing the free dollar. Meta. Lizard book. Can someone explain Meta to me? I've been out. It's new Facebook for lizards. Buy lizards. To Atriox's credit, did you see that he guessed the fucking name? No.

He did do that. Like a week before the reveal? Crazy. Dude, I saw, okay, I won't lie, I got this information from a TikTok, but this guy was telling the story of where that comes from, that name, and apparently it comes from this book. I don't remember what the book's called, but it comes from this book where the origin of the word metaverse comes from. And in the book, it's used to describe a place that's like everything.

You know like those pictures where it's like Burger King, McDonald's, and like KFC, and the whole city is just those? Yeah. Like a hellscape of like corporate America? Yeah. It's used to describe like the entire world being that way. And it's very dark that this is entire world being that way and uh it's very dark that this is where the name has come from and landed especially in the hands of uh

of the zuckster yeah sweet i think my sweet baby ray i'm i'm 14 and this is deep but there was this screenshot of uh that episode of black mirror where the dude is looking at the, the wall and he sees his avatar in the wall. And then there's an almost exact same like shot of Mark Zuckerberg looking at his on his wall. Yeah. And it's just like, and not to spoil that episode, but you know that he's in a terrible place.

Listening to dance with the devil by a moral technique saying this is like black mirror you guys want to see the most fucked up but most profound episode of black mirror that the most true thing you've ever seen yeah it it's weird uh i i don't know like i think you know i don't think he wants to have sex in that world eventually? Do you think Mark Zuckerberg wants to have a fucking android? I think he wants a place to not be bullied. He just wants to go somewhere. I don't think he has carnal desires besides smoking meats. I think he just wanted to go above a trillion dollar valuation because they sunk below.

And that's like, oof. Did this swing him back up? They fell off. Oh, yeah. Is this it? This is the image. That's so fucking weird. That is exactly how you described it.

Yeah, it's just 10 years before i am 14 and this is fucking he's like i want to be donnie darko dude be so sick if they t-posed him i'd find i think the whole thing yeah okay here's the thing i thought was really interesting someone i saw a stat floating around that was like fifth like teen use of facebook is down 15 minutes per user and i in my head i like, are there actually fucking teens that are still using Facebook? Yeah. That's the more surprising thing to me.

It's globally hot Americans. Because it's just so, it's so big still in some other countries. Like, it's the new, it's still the new hotness in some places. We've moved on. Dude. In America, yeah.

Everyone from my high school that's super into Trump is still on Facebook. Oh, it's the spot. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's the spot. Dude, that is the weird part, is like, there's like this political like wave of it where like everybody from my hometown is still like posting dude i can actually it's like sometimes i like accidentally open the

app like i still have it on my phone and sometimes it just fuck i fall into it being open and i think i could identify like of everyone i've ever known who's least likely to survive an apocalypse is the people who use Facebook stories. What a what a goddamn feature to be using in your life. I don't think I've ever opened one. It's crazy. Yeah, I've never opened one. Me and you would be the most successful in a zombie apocalypse. Me and you?

Out of this group? Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Why do you think that? We can climb walls. Damn, we've been climbing. Hold on. Before we get into this fucking jerk-off session.

Yeah, I actually have some things. I have some complaints. Do you remember Epic, obviously? Of course. Epic is a smasher that we used to play. The inventor of the stinky tipper. He's like a total enigma. Very weird guy.

Only played Marth. Can I tell my really quick, really quick Epic story? Something that was funny about Epic all the time is he used Facebook's feature to like – he watched like Hulu, right? And it was connected to his Facebook account. And every time he would watch something, an episode of anything, whatever, he would rate it. And that would get posted as his status on Facebook. And it was always five stars. And it was literally always five stars.

That's sick. But he was watching shit every day. So it was like six posts a day. He would rate every episode of a season. Like Glee, episode two,

season five, five stars. Every time. I love this guy. And one time he got roasted in a Facebook group for SoCal Melee

and someone was just like epic versus like V-Money, like five stars. Dude, it was so funny. Was it a bit? No, he was 100% weird and serious.

It'd be so sick, though, if he ever rates something not five stars because I would never watch it. Also, everyone would be like, did you see Epic rate something? I've never seen that show, but that must have been really bad. Yeah. One time, Epic. This is back when not a lot of players at mid-level were power shielding. I don't know. It's like 2017.

And I'm playing versus Epic, and he's a lot better than me at the time. And he power shields nine lasers of mine in a row. That's mean shit. What are you doing? What, you got to cook turkey? Yeah, what do you got your fucking turkey to cook, idiot? Sorry, I got to. You cooking turkeys right now?

I really wanted to say, I really wanted to say, I had to call your girl, but there's no girl that I'm comfortable saying that with in this room. Right. Sorry, bitch. Anyway, you know what it was?

It's actually more embarrassing. I put this in the freezer before this. It was your Yerb freezer timer. It was my Yerb freezer timer, but I had to take it out early. Yerb freezer timer. He doesn't put them in the fridge.

Epic. Let's just get back to the epic thing. Get back to epic. Epic one time, Power healed 13 of my lasers in a row without missing one and then leaned over to me and said, that was on purpose. That's funny.

Imagine doing 13 accidentally. He would also invite his entire Facebook friend group to a dance event on Thursday nights. It was called Rocket Thursday Nights. I still remember it. This guy sounds sick. I would love to go to Rocket Thursday Nights.

Literally every single... The yard goes. That'd be so sick. He'd just invite you, and it's very weird. Anyway, those are the people I imagine still using Facebook, but in the Netherlands.

Loosely on the topic of your old melee friends. Your girl. Yes. That was awesome. Again, too close with your significant other. I'll close, bro. I'll kill you. Your girl. Yes. That was awesome. Again, too close with your significant other. I'll close, bro. I'll kill you. Real close.

Would never make that joke. The video, there was that tweet about Timothy Chalamet making custom Xbox controllers, which immediately, I already like the guy. Respect through the roof. Now I like him even more. I had zero opinion about the guy. Everyone, all now I like him even more I had zero opinion about the guy everyone like

all these people hate him think he looks like handsome Squidward all these other people over here think he's the hottest guy in the world

all this shit right and I'm like couldn't give a fuck and then he comes out and he's like he has an Xbox 360 controller making channel on YouTube

I'm like that's my guy and then he has that interview where he's like yeah I play Smash Melee and the interviewer this is the crazy part the interviewer's like, yeah, I play Smash, Melee, and the interviewer.

He said that? Then the interviewer, this is the crazy part. The interviewer's like, oh, do you play the one like the Nintendo? He goes, no, no, no, Melee. He corrects her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He corrects him. And I'm like, this guy's fucking rude.

Do you think Melee, he watched off the sticks? Oh, wait. He's not PPMD. That was our Timothy Chalamet at the time. Our odds of getting him on the yard have quadrupled. I'm going to... So in that video, I watched his... He does like a minute and a half video on this Xbox controller he's made,

and he shouts out the guy who requested it, and his tag was stud muffins. Yeah, there's zero shots of the same guy. It's not the same guy, but I just thought that was so funny. Another one of our friends. Is he not on Twitter? Who is? Timothy Chalamet?

Yes, he is. You just follow him? I just followed him. Another one of our friends. Is he not on Twitter? Who is? Timothy Chalamet? Yes, he is. He probably just spelled it. You're just typing in Champagne. I just followed him. I'm tweeting at him. Yo, want to come on my podcast? We like melee. Hey, stamp that.

Rip it. And then I'm going to do the monocle emoji. It's my favorite emoji. Because if you sent it without that, he probably would have thought you're like a peasant with no class.

But because you added that on the end. Look, I have the verify badge. I have almost the same follow count as him. You know what? He's going to reply. He's going to see this tweet

and he's going to be like, hey, no, you skipped out on the Dune premiere, brother. No shot. He's going to watch our last episode. You skipped the Dune premiere and now you fucked us. Not only did I skip it, I watched Dune and I don't like it. What if he's like, gonna watch our last episode? Oh, no. You skipped the Dune premiere, and now you fucked us.

Not only did I skip it, I watched Dune, and I don't like it. What if he's like, hey, I ain't tweaked, bro. You're all a whack. Damn, that'd be hype. That'd be hype. That'd be hype. That's a video. Okay.

All right. You want to talk about rock climbing? You broke your foot. No, I just want to talk about how we're fucking better than you guys in a zombie apocalypse, you non-climbing asses. Because we would come up to a wall of rocks. You flories. You flories. We call you flories. Yeah, it's a whole me andbing headasses. Because we would come up to a wall of rocks. You flories! We call you flories, yeah, as a whole, me and Lovey thing.

It'd be crazy if you called us flories. We would approach a wall of rocks and quickly start climbing up, and you guys would be not climbing. You'd be saying, how do we climb these rocks? What if the wall of rock is just more difficult than a V2? You guys are both fucked. Okay, well, first of all, you're

behind. We're at V3s now. That's right. Okay, well, hey, what if it's a V2. You guys are both fucked. Okay, well, first of all, you're behind. We're at V3s now. Hey. Woo! That's right. Okay, well, hey, what if it's a V4? Wow. Yeah, oh, V4 now.

If it's a V4, I, like, get up, my foot slips off a few times because I'm wearing rental shoes still, and then I go, like, it's the shoes, it's the shoes.

Zombie Pong looks like, oh, I forgot my shoes. And then I do a run where I, like, kind of skip a rock, which is, like, kind of cheating, get halfway up,

and then fall and go, hmm, next time I got that one. I just start further up on the wall. Yeah. Maybe have Nick boost me. You feel like you're a zombie. Your ability to hear feels, like, super conditional. Give me, like, actually three more try zombie, I'm going to get it.

Dude, me and Ludwig just went climbing with Atriok, and when we were walking up, I had this thought. I didn't get to say it because I was just, like, thinking about something else, but I just thought, like, rock climbing is so nice because Ludwig doesn't get recognized when we go and it's like this cool thing that we can go do because we went like a few times

and like yeah we went a few times getting recognized I'm like it's a cool thing that we just go do the universes are so separate and that fucking day we go

and it's like every person in the building knew who he was literally like 10 people came up to him and at one point a guy called his friend who came and showed up to the rock climbing building

wearing a mogul moves hoodie for a picture to get a pic yeah he pulled up and i was great what this person looked like and i'm like i'm trying to i'm trying to climb rocks to get the fuck away at this point i'm trying to get as high up as possible yeah it's a motivator yeah can i get a pic i'm like at the top of the v2 ah no shot he's climbing up the wall and the ludwig fans are at the bottom like the war of the world yeah just clawing and like a world war z boys all of them were very cool very nice it was like this crazy density of cool people you don't recognize that poke today too you took daniel away from me i did daniel daniel was the guy who didn't recognize me but like started a conversation with me because he recognized the slippy logo on my pants and we started talking he realizes he watches smash summit and i've gone in and we've

had like a few different conversations and he's always super nice to me fucking walk in with ludwig today he knows he literally well he looks at me and then he he's literally speechless he's like he looks at ludwig he looks back at me and then he looks at ludwig and he's he's like trying to adjust his match to say something but he can't think of at me, and then he looks at Ludwig, and he's trying to adjust his mask to say something, but he can't think of something to say. And then finally he's like, are you? No, no, what happened? Are you? And then he's like, yeah, I'm Ludwig.

No, no, I said. I'm Aiden's roommate. I like that. Oh, yeah. I like that bit. Ludwig's new thing that he started doing is every single time someone recognizes him, instantly Ludwig goes, you want a picture? Yeah.

Because it's what they want you preemptively but it's so funny to assume that because that might be true it's probably true more often than not then they'll be like oh okay I would like maybe they don't want a picture but they would be happy to have one it just puts them in a position where they if they go no they're weird but they're not that's kind of

hype though because then you can be like hey Ludwig came up he asked for a fucking picture I was like no that'd be chill too because then I say right man no it was great to meet you man have a good one and then i fist bump and i leave and they're like it's like a con and then i go subscribe to your patreon please they spit on you like like the snail uh yeah it's you know it's it's the quickest way to end the interaction oh so that's what you're interested in you're admitting it right now you want to end the interaction. Oh, so that's what you're interested in. You're admitting it right now. You want to end these interactions quick.

Well, no, because usually there's an awkward lull if I don't end it because they will never end it. So I need to be the ender. Otherwise, it's just like, so what you doing? You're just expediting the entire process. You don't got an ender ender. Yeah, I just end it, bro. Well, the thing about it is I love when people come up to me. I've actually never had a really bad experience.

But at rock climbing, it's the worst because they'll come up to you they'll say hi and if they're at a climbing gym chances are they're good because they've probably been there regularly yeah yeah and they're like talented and know more than me and are stronger than me so I'll struggle on a problem and then all of a sudden they're like like do you need help with this one dude did that happen yeah yeah two people asked if they if he needed help saw you on the wall struggling a bit you need some it was also really funny because both times he got asked that it was a climb that he had just done but he was like sort of trying to see like trying to help atrioc do it but the person came up to help him i did the

climb twice and i was trying to help atrioc they're like you the person came up to help him. I did the climb twice and I was trying to help Atriok. They're like, you need help. I said, no. Then I go to climb it and I fucking fall and sprain my ankle.

Yeah. Get a grade two sprain. Yeah. He had like a baseball in his foot. It was fucking gross. It was pretty gross. My first actual, my first actual,

I don't know if you thought about this or anything, but my first actual achievement climbing was, so me and Ludwig were both trying to do this like specific climb that Ludwig did in like a couple tries it took me like a bit more um and we both did it and then this uh this person came up like fully decked like they climb yeah and like and they've got chalk like on their belt loop and they got the shoes and rolled up pant they for

sure climb and they failed it and they never finished it and i was like fucking go dude you're the most toxic i was in my head i didn't mean to laugh but in. And I was like, fucking go, dude. You're the most toxic gym guard. I was in my head. I didn't say it out loud, but in my head I was like, fucking go, dude. Because that's how it feels like when you go up to a wall and you fail it. You're thinking in your head like, I look dumb. And then Nick's over there like, yeah, you look fucking dumb. It's like, I just did that, bitch.

That's what you want to think at the gym, that no one's laughing at you because you couldn't fucking. I wasn't laughing. I just felt good. You want to feel like everyone's supporting you. You're like, oh, he'll get there one day. But it's actually a corner in the corner That's right He's holding his little plastic bag I didn't buy one yeah my friend gave me this

Fucking jeans my body. I'm ugly. Hey, I'm brand new, but I can help you if you want. I actually love asking people for help, though. When I go by myself.

I'll just ask rando people. I'll get them involved. You know what I hate about your guys' climbing thing right now? I hate that you've done it for like two weeks

and you just, like last night, you played it. Everything we've said is very funny when you contextualize how long we've done it. Yeah, it is., you played it. Everything we've said is very funny when you contextualize how long we've been in it. Yeah, it is.

It's Ludwig, no, it's Ludwig, his pizza phase, but it's just like doing something else. Bro, tell them about the oven. It's exactly like

its pizza phase. Tell them about the oven. Yeah, I went through a pizza phase. I was making fire zaws because I watched one Adam Ragusea video. Don't,

this is the same thing. This is the same thing! You've climbed for two weeks last night. Last night, you're just looping, climbing YouTube videos on the TV, on autoplay. He's so fucking sick, bro. He's so sick. That's Adam Andra. That's Magnus.

You've gone to the gym like four times. Dude, this is... I just don't know why there's so much dicks at HBox, bro. Like, I don't get it. Like, that's what the equivalent of this is. Entry level of... This one's here to stay.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, so was the Zaz. That 50-pound pizza stone that is sitting in the fucking cupboard. This is different than the pizza stone in the $250 outdoor pizza oven that's sitting in the garage. No, I stored it. You're going to buy all the equipment? It's in storage. You're going to buy all the equipment

in the storage? If you want... Fuck this. We will give away... We will raffle the pizza oven to one yard member. I will ship it

my fucking self. How expensive is it? It's like $300, I think. It's gotta go to a good home. No, we're gonna do our... We'll do the charity stream. I think it's a good idea. The pizza oven?

No, like the auction charity stream, yeah. It's such a worthless fucking thing. It's literally not. It's such a worthless fucking thing. It's literally not. It heats up to 800 degrees. You just fucking sign it Mogul Marinara or whatever. You put some dumb shit on it and it's valuable now.

Mogul Marinara. I hate you. Put ink on my balls and dip it on the package. Wait, can I really quick? So you know the person who made you a custom vinyl box? Yeah. I don't know if any of us didn't realize this. It says Mogul Groves.

Yeah, I said that on the stream. I said that on the stream. Oh, no, I didn't notice that. Is it a typo? It said Mogul Groves. That's funny. And I was like, what? How did you get a typo?

They just made that. That's funny. It's funny because every aspect of it is so cool and so detailed. And then the biggest piece of text is a spelling error. I was like, oh, I feel so bad. I mean, that's easy to fix here, right? I'm fine. You know what's funny?

Because the viewer sent you a book and I talked about this earlier. It made me so mad. It was just like- That was crazy. You wrote a novel and you made it weird and it also doesn't seem very good. And I got shit on.

People were mad at me for being a jerk. Yeah. And I was like, no, you know what? I have an English degree and this is all I can do. Okay, people always think that about you. You're in the wrong. This one is the one where I was like, no, you know what? I have an English degree, and this is all I can do. Okay, people always think that about you. You're in the wrong. This one is the one where I was like, no, I paid for the privilege to say all this.

And if they have an English degree like me, then they should be embarrassed. I don't care because at the end of the day. Just trip me down. Everyone knows you don't care. I mean, I don't care because 30 percent of people use my p.o box as just like shilling for personal brands yeah it's great and we'll have some like arbitrary like hey man love the content anyway i made a shirt company yeah it's like totally unrelated it's like all right cool i guess the audience is what changes it i think if this was a dm with that person hell

yeah rip them apart brother but because there's a bunch of people that's what changed it's more like i see if someone who wrote something and and completed something is like it's an accomplishment but you gotta would you want 100 people to go to from my stream to his amazon and then review it one star and say slime told me this is bad lol because that's what you're no you're right yeah that's that would never be something i wanted and i guess i should think about that but i still think i should be able to say my goddamned real opinion. I will say, you know, where you were allowed to critique, or where I thought was appropriate,

is the margins in the spacing were insane. Thank you. They're like haikus. Thank you for that. There was about seven words per page. It was formatted like a fucking Robert Frost collection. The spaces are for thinking time. You need to reflect on the words you just read.

Every line you think about, Immortal Techniques, Dancing with the Devil, and think about how fucked up that song is, but how it's true. I've never listened to this song. And then you read the next line. There's a meme with a girl with dreadlocks.

It's a whole thing. You ever heard that song? No. Dude, you want to hear the most? Everyone who gets it is going to love this. Now I think I get it. Because of that specific. By the the way someone sent tim a dm that oh tim okay yeah real funny tim what's his last name dude 64 sagandis 64 yeah titties flopping out so it was uh it was no they sent him a dm and it was someone

who you opened their significant others uh art and then there was a letter and you just kind of like looked at it and tossed it aside and she was apparently really hurt by that and tim was like he posted it in the mod chat and discord which you don't look at which you know what wait was it the one where it was a big letter on the back there was letters to each of us individually i don don't think so. It was like art that he kind of snuck open while Cutie was looking at something else. And he snuck open it, tossed the letter, and then looked at the art and nothing was said. And it was funny because the DM to Tim was like, I know he doesn't owe me anything, but she's really upset. And it's like, you cannot have it both ways.

You can't say both of those things right because you're asking for some sort of like punish punitive damages or or like response but you're also being like i know he doesn't know me i think there's something noble when it's your girlfriend though where it's like i'm wrong but please just do something she's like crying and he's like yeah i'll fucking i'll message him like hey look yeah He's just doing his due diligence or something. That's the type of message if I was in his spot. Right here. Ready? My bad.

That's it. What do you want from me out here? He's never said that to me. That's actually huge. I appreciate that. I'm out here trying my best. I won't slap your... Please don't.

That would have killed me. That's big. Thank you for saying that. I'm a bigger man. It's almost like he apologized to me. It almost feels that way. That's how starved I am for validation. Slime was looking for me today. I'm a bigger man. It's almost like he apologized to me. It almost feels that way. That's how starved I am for validation.

Slime was looking for me today. He came down twice. One time he came down and it was just his penis pressed into the window. I'm like deep working on it. I'm working on what I consider to be the greatest YouTube video

I will upload and he's just pressed dick up against it and I'm like... That's how quick it came to my mind. I was like, oh, I've never done this yet. You're just smushing your dick like you're in the shower yeah against the window

and you look you're like what's up and you look down you're like what's up and I'm like does this look funny I was deep working on my videos I was in the zone and I saw a big shaft huge and it was also it was also like smushed in like a width way. Yeah. So it was like big. It was like a stingray on a glass bottom boat. I was shocked how skinny it was. It was like a big rectangle of pleasure.

But long. It was. And. Like an eel worm. It looks like when you throw a sticky hand at the wall. Yeah, I'll give him that. And then you shooed me away. I did shoo you away.

Well, okay. So I'm working on. I'll leak it. I'm working on what I think will be my coolest video. A lot of people ask me like, hey, Ludwig, if you were a YouTuber and you started from scratch, would you make it? Oh yeah. This is a cool concept.

Which is a fair question. And so what I did is I wrote an entire script for a video. I hired a guy from Fiverr to voiceover. It's like a video essay. And then I hired someone to edit it. And then I uploaded it on a brand new channel with zero subscribers and then i like the goal is basically to see if i could get like a thousand views on it uh and i did i did it in in less than a day wow how did how did it even give you you just like hit the algorithm enough no it wasn't even

i mean it's actually hitting the algorithm a bit now but what i did it's like a video essay on ms kiff it's like a really good i think pretty well written one uh it's basically like how a door made the streamer a million dollars is the title because i think most of his success comes from like his open door policy and then it's like three minutes and i had uh i just donated to him and then he watched it like on a random account okay i did like a 50 so there was some uh guerrilla marketing. No, but everyone has that accent. Yeah, but everyone can do this is what I'm saying. It's like the same video I made a while ago of making money donating to streamers where

I donated like a merch link. What was your handle that you used on Twitch? Was it XXLudwigAugranXX? When I donated? Yeah. No, it was like online lore. It was the name of the YouTube channel. Oh, you just made a...

You're such a brand-focused guy. You made your fake shadow brand all cohesive. Oh, well, the Twitch account I made is called... It's like TurboWorldNet or something is what I made my Twitch account because I had to make some random ones. So you JK Rowlinged the system? Yeah, so I posted it.

He watched the whole thing because it was like a good video. Everyone from his stream, because he had 50K people, rowling to the system yeah so i posted it he watched the whole thing because it's like a good video everyone from his stream because he had 50k people just went to the video liked it commented on it and then it hit like 900 views and now it's in the algorithm and i think it might hit like 10k views that's crazy that's almost like that's like me that's like my level of success and my the way i make videos yeah and like the way that i like succeed i'm so proud of it though because anytime anyone's like, is it luck? Like, could you still do it? I'll be like, yeah, I did it.

Here's the video. And I would do it again, bitch. Yeah, I mean, like I was saying for mine, and it was just, like, it was like magic. Even though it's, like, a small amount of success, like, low numbers, low views. Me and my friend. Oh, thousands of views are low to you? Back in the old Call of Duty days, me and my friend did a very similar thing where i don't remember like how this was like started or whatever but uh someone like bet us that we couldn't um we couldn't get a phase member on our friends list if we were anonymous

like if we were like a random person basically the same setup so both of us made brand new xbox accounts with zero friends hey i got weed and we had we basically had to set out playing search and destroy lobbies until we could like make other friends and eventually lead up to having a phase member on our friend list your speed running face and both of us did it it's like it's like three weeks yeah it's like trading up a paper clip to a million but trading up my shitty friend for phase bank it was very sick that's that's actually really creative that is what so what what was the result did you tell him after yeah after we just revealed to a couple of our you know how we befriended a couple of our actual friends by chance did you have like voice changer we just didn't talk if this happened in current day

you would be meeting up with them at a mcdonald's as a woman as a fake account yeah it was catfish your boy and fucking and clown the shit out of them i've noticed that to make nick do anything you just have to say there's no way you could do this yeah it does get my he stopped drinking soda because someone was like you can't do that that was fast or fast food my best photo is my friend's older brother who said you know you won't give me top he was like you know you'll never grow taller than you are if you drink more soda and i said what and i just stopped drinking it and now look i was five six there you go at the time hey science speaks for itself i was like if you drink more soda. And I said, what? And I just stopped drinking it. And now look. I was 5'6". There you go.

At the time. Hey, science speaks for itself. I also, like, hadn't really hit puberty. That's also a Wattage Kids sketch. Have you seen that one? It's called Reverse Psychology. Oh.

And it comes up. He's like, God, fucking, Sam just learned about reverse psychology. Yeah. And it comes up. He's like,

oh, guys, it'd be so lame if you all sucked my dick. It just keeps going. Did you see me and Cutie's bit on her stream? I was talking about... The Bjergsen? No, no, that...

That one I got DMs on. The Bjergsen. Laughing. Aiden on stream was like, you ever jerk your shit to Bjergsen? And he goes, you ever jerk your shit to Bjergsen? Wait, did you say that to Cutie?

To Cutie. Cutie's like, Aiden, you cannot ask. I said, have you say that to Cutie? To Cutie. Cutie's like, Aiden, you cannot ask. I said, have you ever cranked one out to Beards? Oh, yeah, that's much cleaner and less crass. And it's fucked up because she didn't immediately say no. She 100% has. She didn't say no right away.

She's off TSM. We can say it. They're not coworkers anymore. That's really fucking bad. Yeah, he's just saying that. And then everyone sent me that clip. And it was just like, they're like, bro, bad look. I'm like, do you crank your shit to Beards?

Yeah, what does that mean? Bad fuck you you goddamn idiot. Nobody's Look a bit about you having another Slim Jim sponsored stream with your roommates But it's a witch a roommate gives the best top Who's gonna suck me to completion the best Can any of us? Who's going to suck me to completion the best? Boys, to death. I asked all my roommates to give me sloppy toppy.

Whoever makes me come fastest wins 5K. I'm not going to lie. I can come pretty fast. So I was like, this is bullshit. You didn't explain the rules. I literally. I have a finger in his ass. You didn't say no hands or no finger in the ass.

I didn't know I had hands. Of course, Aiden's going to win because he's going to do it. And then Ludwig has my finger in his ass. He's like, yeah, I should have said win because he's going to do it. And then Ludwig has my finger in his ass. He's like, yeah, I should have said something, but you were doing great. And then cutie in typical fashion just wins.

Yeah, right. But it's narrow. And she's pissed about it. Nick was close. It was a horse race. But Nick was a close second. Nick made me work hard.

My road dog. Ow, ow. Cum is dripping from his fucking face. My day one. Anything for you, baby. I get there. Dude, how would that work?

You would have to like, there's a remission period, right? So I think you would draw for like first seed. You'd have to refresh each day. My thing is that I can come fast, but I recycle quick because I could respawn the earth so fast. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. Because Hassan sets a timer to come,

15 minutes. My thing is that I come in five seconds and then I recharge in 15 minutes, so I'm busting two when he's doing one. Yeah, you have low cooldown.

I'm low cooldown. He's high cooldown. Yours is a Q. His is an R. He's got bigger AoE, though. His is a game breaker bar. Yeah. It's like, dude, I'm imagining, like, a Sims human naked,

and it's, like, previewing their range as, like, a league attack. Yeah, it's like a cone, like, in Metal Gear, where it's like, this is, like, where you will come and impregnate at a 60% rate. Yeah. That's my goal. And then, Colonel, I got pregnant from Ludwig. By the way, thank you so much to Coinbase

for sponsoring this week's episode. You guys can use Coinbase.com forward slash the yard to get $10 in Bitcoin. They also have a lot of guides online that you can use to learn about cryptocurrencies and also make money. You make money by learning. That's Coinbase's whole MO.

So go check them out. Coinbase.com forward slash theyard. Aiden, proud lover of Coinbase and user. Coinbase is great. Love that. Love that. Nick? I'm on there now. Let's go. I've been fucking killing it, yeah. Yeah, I burned my social security card

so I am not on it. What? Because you're off the grid too. He's off the grid. You know what else we need to burn? That effigy of you. Oh yeah, else we need to burn? That effigy of you. Oh, yeah. We do need to burn that voodoo doll. I want to burn the voodoo doll to see what happens. We got a voodoo doll during the PO unboxing, and then we were watching a movie, me and

Cutie, and the voodoo doll was there. It was CB Hollow. Ten minutes in, she's like, I'm going to put it down. Yeah. Our friends in Australia introduced this tradition to us called firefighting. It's so sick. Where you just light a fire and then you fight it with your fists. Like you start punching logs and punching the fire.

It's hilarious. Yeah. Maybe we'll put a video in this. Dude, the video of Miles doing it is so funny because he steps up to the plate. He's got his golf hat on. They're all sitting around the fire. And he finally rips it a few times like, he's got his golf hat on. They're all like sitting around the fire and he just like, he finally rips it a few times and

he's like, what a rush. Yeah. And then, and then later on he posted a picture and his knuckles were fucking scarred and burnt. I want to put the doll

in the fire and then firefight it. Fire punch the doll. Hey, do that. Put that in the intro of this video. I'll firefight. I'll do it tonight.

Bite that doll. I hope I don't get hurt from this though. Well, it hurts. It is an activity. I've done it. I have a video of me doing it. No, I mean, cause the doll is mean. Oh, I see what you're saying. I hope I don't get hurt from this, though. It hurts. It is an activity. I've done it. I have a video of me doing it. No, I mean because the doll is me.

You mean like his soul. Oh, I see what you're saying. Like his existential, like his eternal life. Dude, I would hate if you guys started kissing the doll and smooching it all over. That would suck. If I blow the doll and you come, do we keep it? Yeah. 100%.

That would be a sick video. And I'd try to prove it to people on stream without getting banned that I can get taught from slime without getting taught from slime it's sort of like one of those electronic vibrators where you control it with your phone only it's us outside the stream room guys come on

I totally pranked my roommate by making a voodoo doll and sucking it off so all the Ludwig fanfiction writers, you can like, you can get going with something this week. There's a plethora too. Kids don't write fan fiction anymore. No.

They don't, they make fan. Fan cams? Well, there you go. Here you go. Now they're going to write some. What do you call it? It's the fucking, it's like Reddit for like zoomers. Make fan cams.

That's right. Amino. What? Oh, I know what you're talking about you guys would be it's weird so I used to do I used to edit

for Kellen who runs False Swipe Gaming I like edit his Pokemon videos for bread and sometimes he would do

Amino sponsorships and I remember like I had to learn about it to write one of the ad reads for him and I was like okay so I'll check

this site out and it's like this weird like half red it's like this weird, like, half Reddit for, like, young teenagers. And it's, like, really, really strange. And I don't know if it exists now, but I was surprised at how many people were on it. Wait, what's the goal of the program?

It's social media. It's supposed to be, like, a hobby, like, a hobby or, like, group-focused social media. So, like, you might go to... It's only on phones, dude. You might go to, like, the Smash, like a hobby or like group focused social media so like you might go to it's only on phones you might go to like the smash like page

or forum on Amino and it's for you to like you guys remember Mike Hayes also sponsored by this we just gave it more publicity than any

but that's the thing I don't know if it's dead and I also know like if you're on it it must fucking suck right you guys remember that app where you at

no it was an app that a smasher developed to find friendlies yeah yeah it popped off like the first two weeks it popped off but then like i downloaded it too at the time and then it was just like terrible like it was terrible to use it also did not be not at any fault of the developer it was just like oh cool there's someone 30 miles away who plays luigi yeah that's all i know sending me a dick pig it's dick pic. It's like, ah. You know what? That's like, it's like what Yik Yak was, but just for Smash.

Like, you don't fucking trust people around you. Well, Yik Yak wasn't for meeting up with singles in your area. It kind of was. That was a huge part of it. Yik Yak, it was used that way. Yik Yak was for anonymously, mercilessly bullying kids in high school. Your peers. But it was used to bully, and it was also used

to, like like maybe get top from probably another defect source. I think I'm painting a really unfair picture with only these droplets of information but my friend

from the other episode who gloved in high school we went to the same college or community college first and he one time was I think he was like skateboarding around school with an R2-D2 backpack on.

Like the backpack was R2-D2. And someone yik-yacked about him, calling him like a huge pussy. Yeah. Like that guy with the R2-D2 backpack, huge pussy. That's kind of hype though because like you don't know who it is. So you're like, I guess you're still the R2-D2 guy. Do you think, hey, okay, viewers, sound off in the comments below, and listeners, sound off in the comments

where you can write them. Just out loud in your car right now. Sound off in your reviews. Make some noise on the way to work, Jake. Feel free to look down at your phone if you're at the wheel right now. If you have gotten yick-yack pushing. See how long you can close your eyes

before opening up the car. A fun game. Ask Siri to read your directions out loud and close your eyes. That's right. That's right. Try to gauge it by feeling. If you have gotten yik-yak pussy, please let us know. I would have loved to know.

Yeah, because the conversion on that is insane. Imagine meeting people and they're like, yeah, we met on yik-yak. Yeah. He roasted some guy wearing a fucking Star Wars backpack and I just topped the shit out of him. Nothing was more unfunny than small town high school Yik Yak. I cannot, like even thinking about it now, that was some of the least funny type of attempts at being funny

I've ever read in my entire life. I will say actually, I think one of my friends in college got yik-yak sex. No. Yeah, because I think it was just like something innocuous, like a third-floor guy with whatever hair is cute. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

And then he was like, which guy? And then she's like, I'm on the second floor, and they're connected. What's up? What's going on? I don't know what's going on. Tell us what's going on. What's going on? I don't know what's going on.

Tell us what's going on. I was like, she was... This phrase, she was yakking, came to mind, and I realized, like, oh, that's just vomit play. That's just vomit. That's just her puking on you. Maybe she yaks so good on your yuck. Hold on, what you just said gave Ludwig a little light bulb over his head, and I gotta know why.

It's less to it. Ooh, ooh, I gotta say something now. Judy! Judy, come! No, this is actually, it's related to Yik Yak in a way, but did you guys ever have an anonymous posting on your high school? Yes. Like, anonymous compliments for your high school? Well, I was at the Confessions page.

I'm 40 years old, so we had a Confessions page for my college. Right. I roasted some kid on there, bro. So this came up because I just remembered. I don't think I've ever talked about this on stream, but I used to run the one for my high school. You 100% have talked about this. I ran the Confessions page for my high school,

and I'll tell you why. Did you have, wait, did you have like an ego about it? Because ours would make posts being like, hey guys, admin here. And like, dude, it was so fucking cringe. No, the reason I did it was maybe to get, I did it to get pussy. Okay. Okay, and I'll tell you why. No, no, he's right.

I used the- Because I was in drama and it was really hard otherwise. Yes. Well, because I had gotten a date the... Because I was in drama and it was really hard otherwise. Yes. Well, because I had gotten a date with this girl who was a great above. It was really cute. Her name's Olivia through Ask.FM.

Because like on Ask.FM, on Ask.FM, I just asked her... That one is for fucking. I took a shot. I said, who's the funniest guy you know? Ask.FM pussy.

I'm trying to get... All right. So it goes, Ask.FM pussy. Then it's Form Spring Pussy. Oh, dude. Then it's Yik Yakik yak pussy It was actually form spring where yeah Like Cora down there. Signal pussy goes hard. Goodreads pussy?

Off the chain. What about Cheg pussy? Brought to you by an egg? Cheg pussy? Yeah, I rented that pussy for the whole semester, bro. Who owns this pussy for the semester? That's right, it's me. Commenting LMAO the whole keys on this website.

What's your ASL? The yard server to pussy. That will be the end game. Dude. That's where we turn it down. When that happens, I'm done with the pot. We'll all be at the wedding though. We will contractually have to show up. Your wedding and funeral will be there.

I won't be at your funeral because I'll be looking for the guy who killed you so anyway i got a date with this girl from form spring which is just ask fm by asking who's the funniest person you know and we rode the bus together and i asked her it anonymously was this in high school this is in high school okay and she wrote ludwig and i was like i brought it up i was hoping she'd say that because I was making her lose it dropping little W's one man stream over there it is pretty good strap yeah she's doing a good impression she's just never heard of him she's like oh my god how'd you work at Burger King you're 15 I'm like don't forget about it oh you mean the

BK lounge so anyway I'm not atheist how do I get girls to like me just farm little W's actually but anyway I made the conf atheist how do I get girls to like me just farm little W's actually but anyway I made the confessions page because like we had stopped talking and I was like

alright that worked let's do that again I wanted to know because I think the scariest thing this is why you can't communicate by the way why are you always

setting up these roundabout anonymous ways to connect with people well no because I wanted to know who thought I was cute and if I'm the one who runs the site

then they like that's the website people use and other schools to say like i think this is cute i like this person so i would just know this information without having to find out this information or take a risk i see and so that was they trusted me dumb fucks get those pussies you get that one so i uh i ran the page quote when Mark Zuckerberg quote. When he started Facebook. Oh, yeah. Social network. I thought you were just saying that. Anyway. So I ran the high school confessions page.

I never told anyone, I think. Even like now no one knows. For my high school at least. If you're watching, hey, that was me. Hey, what's up, Jake? You still are a pussy. Aw. Jake is fine.

No, I'm just kidding. You're great. Woo. Don't make the face. He's an audio listener. Good face. Aw, Jake's fine. Nah, I'm just kidding. You're great. Woo! Don't make the face. He's an audio listener. Good face. Wow, really agreeable. And yeah, I ran it, and I got zero pussy from it.

And in fact, the only thing is a couple girls called me cute, and then someone said, is Ludwig gay? And that was almost the entirety of it, and then I stopped running it after a year, because I was like, this is a waste of time and more dude one time speaking of facebook gay time uh-huh one time that's what i was talking about it was oh oh do tell it was gay time in the bathroom that's actually one of my favorite uh quotes from workaholics episode one yeah jillian's like you can't go in there because gay time gay time. Anyway, I was in college

and this guy who, he was in my English program. So we had a lot of classes together. It was a pretty small program. So once you like get towards the end of it, you're with the same people a lot. And he was like from some European country, I forget, bald, by the way, bald, huge beard. Probably Czech.

I don't think so. I think he was like Swedish or something. But he uh this changed the way i look at shit no no no meme on god basically he hit me up on facebook because that's how you are you what we socialize all the time in college and he hits me up and he's asked me about like an assignment right we're reading some fucking hemingway book and he's like hey whatever and i'm like yeah sure and then he kind of hits me up the next day and he's like hey asking me talk to me about class like just uh class whatever he's like oh i'm like, yeah, sure. And then he kind of hits me up the next day. And he's like, hey, ask me, talk to me about class.

Like, just, ah, class, whatever. He's like, oh, I'm like, oh, I made a new friend. Okay. The next day, he hits me up and he asks me, he's like, would you like to go out on a date sometime? And I'm like, oh, bro, totally sorry. I'm not gay. But, yeah, I'm flattered. I appreciate it.

But, you know, sorry. And the dude was a total dick to me afterwards. He stopped messaging me for one. He didn't fucking look at me in class. He was like he I remember I like said something and he like chortled at me in a group discussion. Like I got something wrong and like a literary reading or something. He became a fucking prick because I rejected him. And I'm like, girls deal with this every day yeah every single day rejection hurts man and then they

turn into demons the same but like opposite thing happened to me we're like i had this friend and she was gay and we spent like a lot of time together especially in college and um she got broken up with was super sad about it and i was like oh let's like uh at the time i'm single and i was like let's go out on like a date it was like you know she's gay so I'm like you know let's go to the movie and like hang out and like you know forget about your relationship and uh and then she clarified I want it to be a real date and I was like what do you mean and she's like yeah I know I know it's confusing but like I'm gay but like I just not for you and I was like I'm sorry this was kind of impending on you did she just break up with a girl yes. And I was like, I'm sorry. This was kind of impending on you being gay.

Did she just break up with a girl? Yes. And I was like, this is kind of, the whole thing kind of impends on you. I don't want to go on a real date. Right. I'm trying to be nice. I'm sorry. This is weird.

And then she never spoke to me again. And we were like close friends. As someone who is. That would, because she's just double hurt and rejected. And I was always confused by that. I didn't really know how to feel. Why? She's, what's confusing?

You rejected her after, I mean't really know how to feel. What's confusing? You rejected her after pot? I mean, like, I get it. Because the clarification that I was, like, the straight exception, I didn't understand. Yeah. And then not talking to me after? Getting rejected definitely sucks, but it's like, a part of me expected that guy to be, like, not mean to me about it. Yeah, yeah, 100%. And, again, i kept thinking about

this i'm like dude girls he was every single like yeah oh absolutely i think it was like a huge reality check for me not that i i not that i didn't realize like it was a problem uh but uh i was in castro at like a gay bar in san francisco a couple years ago and i just got like i just got like felt up like and and i you know I didn't want to be you know I didn't like ask for that or anything and I was like holy shit this is just women and this is women every day of their life yeah like and that that happened like what on the one of the three occasions I've been to a gay bar so imagine just doing that but every time you go to a bar forever yeah for the rest of you because you could go to like a straight bar yeah and like that would be less likely to happen or at all yeah to me yeah i i

think there's just there was like that idea of like security until then and i was like oh shit like there's people just like deal with this all the time yeah even though it's like i think it's one of those things where you have an understanding of this problem existing but then like some instance of it happens like directly to you somehow and you just have like this very like direct connection to that problem it's it's way easier to sympathize and empathize if you can like yeah yeah i was like oh so young yardigans if you're getting rejected out there in the field fucking being cool about it don't be fucking weird Getting good at being rejected is one of the most important things

I've done in my entire life. It also secretly makes your success rate higher. Yeah. Because you take this, you take the rejection with like so much stride and you stay friends

with that person and eventually they're like, that was kind of sick. And then sometimes they eventually become into you. No, that's bad. I'm just saying,

it happens. No, no, no. Shut the fuck up. Don't say that. Don't say that. It literally happens all the time. Don't say that.

It's so bad. Make sure to hit up your ex. It Shut the fuck up. No, don't say that. Don't say that. It literally happens all the time. Don't say that. It's so bad. Make sure to hit up your ex. It's never too late. Remember, be their friend and hedge your bets until they finally realize. Do not be deceptive. They will eventually have to love you. What I will say is if you're in the Patreon, we have an advice show. Stop fucking asking for advice on what you do when your friend doesn't like you, but

you like them. Oh, is that hot? Oh my God. We get asked it every fucking really Hit up the subreddit and fuck all 80% of all questions are hey I'm going to college and I don't know what to do with my life And then the other question is I hang out with girl, but girl maybe likes me. What do I do about it? This is why the vice was flawed from the start because it's

the same problems that circulate yeah no no every episode's different but we just ignore these we just filter those questions out we pick other that's what i've realized life is it's like everyone already figured out the answers that every person has to solve and like school and like early experiences is trying to teach you all that stuff so you don't have to like learn it all again but you still end up having to learn half of it anyway yourself it's hard to learn without it happening yeah my issue is so many of these questions are like the answer is it could not be clearer it's like hey i have a friend i'm into i i told them this and they did not reciprocate and but i still like them what is that what do i do and it's like you live with it what do you mean and what's

crazy it's like we're only asking the question for like the off chance that we go, damn, she's crazy, bro. Oh, you got to know that. You don't stop bothering that girl until she came. You're a catch.

I've told you guys this before. I've talked to Anthony specifically about this before. I, I don't, I think it's a bad thing to use names for, but in my high school, I had a really close friend of mine and she in our in our senior no in our junior year of high school started complaining about how this guy uh would not stop bugging her to like go out or like date and he would message her all the time and he would try

to like get her to like come out with him and uh he was just like really really persistent she would complain about it all the time she was like this is super annoying i don't want to do this and then uh and then like a year later uh as i'm starting college they got together now they're getting married and every time they post an update like when they got engaged when they got married and i you know they're probably gonna have a kid all i can think about is like i listened to you talk about how he was overly persistent and annoying and how you didn't like him all the time but kings never stopped grinding dude this is so toxic hey if kings don't stop grinding eventually women gotta settle for the audio listeners listeners, I'm smoking weed.

What is the moral of the story? The moral of the story? Never give in. This is so bad. Always be an option because eventually they'll settle. No, treat women like human beings, like you're equals

and be actually their friends. There's that bit, the bit where you, you just have to wait until, you just have to wait until their age matches your... No, their expectations match your looks or something. Have you heard that?

No. In conclusion, Fauci lied. You did say that today. Fauci lied. He killed those beagles and never stopped texting her. Oh, dude. If the main conclusion is... Is this how we topple Ben Shapiro? Is this how we topple Ben Shapiro?

Is this how we topple Ben Shapiro? There's four of us. I told A the other day, bro. I was like, man, no one right-wings funny. I should just be right-wing because no one's funny there. Oh, yeah.

You clean up. I clean house. They're so unfunny. They're so... They just don't understand how to be funny. Have you ever seen Steven Crowder try to make a joke?

I'm going to have like an aneurysm between eating cheeseburgers. Yeah. Every time I see a clip of him, he's in a fucking weird tactical vest on his show. He's got a gun on him. You're going to shoot your producer? I'm like, bro, you're in your fucking studio, man. They become cartoons too quick. They get one funny guy on the right.

It's over, man. Yeah, we're in trouble. Yeah. Yeah. The second they start making me laugh, we're fucked. Somebody at Fox is going to watch this and they're like, Tucker's out. Ludwig's in. Fox News to yard.

How much would you take to be Tucker Carlson for a year? You have to do Ludwig tonight on Fox News. How much money would you do? Does it have to be like their agenda or can it be my own? It has to be their agenda. Their agenda. You have to talk about... There's no amount of money.

The Beatles. You have to spout white supremacist dog muscles every month. To be clear, I'm planning on doing that on my own channel. How much could you be paid? Rad stats? Start editing.

Look, let's have it on my own channel anyway, all right? I'll just take the bread I'm currently making. I will say... And that's a mogul. You asked me right there. You said how much money? And obviously at take the bread I'm currently making. I will say. And that's a Moogaloo. You asked me right there. You said how much money. And obviously at this point, like, I'm happy.

Yeah, I guess I can't ask you that anymore. But I also recognized the other day that I can't do that with Nick anymore. Because I hit Nick with a would you for X amount of money thing and actually offered the money for the first time. He was like, no. And it's because we're Patreon. We're making too much money. No, no to my a big fear i have is nick one day not wanting to do things because he doesn't have to yeah and that's making too much money and i wanted to make can i can i say what the thing was i'm gonna say it matters so much the thing doesn't matter i feel like

you know i feel like you've changed and i don't need content. We're playing this fucking board game. It's actually fun as fuck. It's called Herd Mentality. Basically, you have to say in this specific question, the average amount of sodas a human could drink. Coke specifically. Could drink in a day. Everyone goes around and writes not what they think is the answer,

what they think other people will think is the answer. So it's like a baby family feud. Yeah, exactly. All right right we have 100 americans but it's like the other contestants instead of like survey yeah um and we're playing and i wrote so me and another person at the table both wrote 30 for if you if you're two the average person could drink in a day if they try to drink as much as they could yeah uh was ludwig wrote three i three. So we were very off base and I was saying like, dude, like if you had to drink

as much Coke as like cans and you couldn't even day, like you could get 30 in. Like, I think, I think I could probably do more. A 30 rack. And he's like,

I can do 30. I'm like, dude, it's like one at the first, the beginning and end of an hour. Like, yeah, I could fucking do that.

And then Ludwig said 5k. I'll give it to you. Five bends, bro. If you drink 30 Cokes in a day. And I said I don't want to do it because I'm too afraid of fucking throwing up. He backed out. Oh, that makes sense.

He painted this wrong. That makes sense. Yeah, I don't think he did. That makes sense. Here's the thing. He didn't back out. He's always been a bet hedger. He can always say no.

And that's always been the case. I'm just saying. He wouldn't have done that three years ago. He couldn't drink 30 cokes i he couldn't he doesn't want to this isn't gonna work and it's i know it's not gonna work because i already tried it for five days nothing's changed though because we also had this bet when i what we didn't have a patreon like how much money to never play malia again and ever for the rest of your life and i said no money and you guys all roasted me yard again no but my amount was. Yeah, your amount was $2 million. No, my amount was $10 million.

$10 million. Somewhere in the fucking million. $10 million. I said no money. You get me to eight digits? But I've been this way. I let the sticks go. Eight digits.

Eight digits? You just don't touch the ninja anymore? Eight digits? I want you to drink 30 Cokes so bad. I want to make a YouTube video of him drinking 30 Coca-Colas. That's kind of hype. I made my roommate.

I do it if he actually doesn't realize that the situation is not the same. I don't want to do it either. You won't do it. Why don't you want me to do it? You did what I just did in the original. I was like, I'll do it. I don't want to do it. He didn't ask you the dollar amount that you would do it for.

He just said a dollar amount. Yeah. Is there a dollar amount? That I would do it for? 30 Cokes? Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Okay, so there's a dollar amount.

Yeah, I would go 30 Cokes. There's a dollar amount I would risk throwing up. 80K, would you do it for 5? 5K? Yeah. Is there a dollar amount? That I would do it for? 30 cokes? Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Okay, so there's a dollar amount. Yeah, I would go 30 cokes. There's a dollar amount I would risk throwing up. 80k, would you do it for 5? 5k? Yeah. Absolutely not. Ooh, because that cashmere. Dude, I'd be so sick.

Drop a number. 15k. 15k? 15? He shits out 15k. I'll do 15k. You'll do 15k? Yeah.

Doing 30 cokes in a day? If I'm allowed to film all of it and upload it on YouTube, I will do a 15k. I'll do 15k. You'll do 15k? Yeah. You'll drink 30 cokes in a day? If I'm allowed to film all of it and upload it on YouTube, I will do a 15k. If I'm allowed to look up what will happen to me if I do it. All right.

You need to give him a deadline to decide. He can't sit on this for a week. You have to decide by the next yard episode. Deal. You will be so sick. All right.

I like that. Hey, shake on it. I'm going to be the supersize. I won't go above 15. Would you say yes to this? And you pay for my personal training. I wouldn't. It's 15k pays for that.

I don't know. I don't know if I would. Dude, close. Wait, no. The handshake is for me to decide by the next episode. You have to decide by the end of the week. Coke is just so bad. Yeah, it's super gross.

It is so bad. That is terrible for you. It's like 3,000 calories plus. It's like literally over a gallon of liquid. I think it's like a Home Depot bucket of sugar. Maybe more maybe more dude this would be hard if it was 30 bottles of water it'd be so if you did this of water then we could get so many visuals like here's the amount of sugar this is here's the calories in mcdonald's burgers he won't die and then we put atrioc in his place you know what i was gonna say you know what going to say earlier? He's been falling off. When we were riffing on Atrioc a little bit,

I was like, I like when he's here for this long. And I kind of imagine like, oh, what if Brandon and Ari were roommates? I'm like, oh, I like that world. You think you've dreamed that reality. You know, my dream world is fucking, I have a cul-de-sac and all the boys have their own house

You just want to copy Mr. Bean or Ed Edd n Eddy. It's also that. Yeah, I want to copy actually I love Edd n Eddy. And we're all obsessed with Jawbreakers.

And our friend likes a plank of wood a lot. Yeah, I'd be you. Yeah, I would love to be Eddie from Edd Edd n Eddy. Chasing that bag living on a cul-de-sac

with the homies. Yeah, I guess I am Ed, aren't I? And we get a road called Mogul Moves Way. And all of our girlfriends are in the group chats right now saying, Jesus Christ, do you hear what they're saying? You got your own house to go back to? Come on, if you had your own house, I feel like it's NBD. You don't have to hang out.

I'm Jin from The Office. Okay, dude. Tuba sound. Hamming it up. I'm Jin. You know, okay, so that sweater reminds me of... What sweater? Is this a normal-ass sweater?

Whatever. Reminds me of a Neapolitan shake from In-N-Out. So Ludwig, you might remember this. In the old, old house, he had a Pokimane sweater that he bought, and it said Poki on it. And you were wearing it one day, and it looked like that. And I remember I said to you, I was like, where's that

from? You're like, oh, it's Pokimane merch. And then I made fun of you for it. And then you never wore it again. Is it because I made fun of you? No. Because I was going to say I would have felt bad. Why did you make fun of him? Because it said Pokey on it. Do you know why I stopped wearing it?

Because it was stupid. Mango made fun of me for it. Really? Yeah. That's so funny. I wore it to a Smash Summit because I was like, this is funny, I'm wearing a Pokey Mane sweatshirt to the Summit. Oh, it was ironic.

And I was wearing it, and then I was sitting at a table with Mango, and he's like, you like Pokey, huh? And I was like, yeah, it's a cool sweater. He's like, eh. That's him making fun of you? And I was sitting at a table with Mango, and he's like, you like Poggi, huh? And I was like, yeah, it's a cool sweater. He's like, eh. That's him making fun of you? And I was like, stop it, Mango. The indifference for a drink. I'm cool.

No. Wow. You are too late. That's what it took, huh? Yeah. I wish I had more influence. I wanted to tell you guys. You don't.

Mango also wouldn't have that influence these days. You want to tell us? I wanted to tell you guys about Sovereign Citizens. Jesus Christ. Like, I don't know about them. What are you selling or something? Do you know how many hours of Sovereign Citizen footage I used to watch at my old job?

Wait, really? I'm not working. Yeah, I love Sovereign Citizens. Wait, okay. Can you explain to me what you watch? Because I want to know, like, it must just be the same thing. Compilations. Sovereign Citizens get owned number seven compilations.

Oh, I've never seen this. Oh, yeah. I just watch, like, some random nice news. Are these, like, stolen Valor videos? Sovereign Citizens are people who are, owned number seven compilations i've never seen this oh yeah i just watched like these like stolen valor videos sovereign citizens are people who are they train themselves to pretty much fuck with cops but in like it dare i say a cringe way you need people who are like they purposely try to get pulled over because they know their rights like that yeah yeah i know my right am i being detained they'll walk around with like weapons and then the cops will be like why do you have that i'm allowed to.

Oh, okay. So this is different. These are sovereign citizens. So this isn't... The sovereign citizen video that I watched was not people who are intentionally trying to skate around the law with loopholes and stuff. It can also happen if they get pulled over, and they don't want to be pulled over. They'll get sovereign citizen at them.

That's also that. Yeah, that's what they'll try that's what they'll try to do under the same umbrella group of people who like they're they're american citizens they live in the u.s or like they're usually like born in the u.s they don't have like another citizenship or something and they revoke or try to revoke their american citizenship to be a quote american national it's a really bad idea and by trying to do this they think that this illegally allows them to like commit crimes because they no longer operate within the laws this is just the episode of family guy where peter builds a moat around his house yeah yeah it's like that but then people

not only do this for real but they pay like a pastor-esque guide to inform them about it it's a pilgrimage yeah so yeah you you before, I've read about this, you go before the Department of State and it's a legal process and it's a federal process where you renounce your citizenship as an American. It's a really fucking bad idea because now you have nowhere to go, right? Like, America sucks,

but like having that passport means you belong here, right? You have no fallback. And so if you get if you get like captured in ukraine and something happens you always have your passport you'd be like i'm an american said this is where i belong and they'll they'll get you back there right unless you're like a criminal but if you don't have that you actually become this like weird how you soft lock your life you really do and it's it's really interesting to like want that so bad. And they're just like convinced that they can get around. Like this is like a weird defense for like getting like trying to get around murder and stuff like that.

And because like, oh, I'm outside the law. And they're like convinced that this is like a viable strategy. strategy yeah and then the end of the interview because they'd been talking to this one dude who'd been sit who'd been specifically trying to do it because him and his wife had been on the run avoiding parole and attempting to get their uh kid back from child protective services and the end of the interview is like we tried to reconnect with him but he's been arrested now for like violating parole who and he was like moments ago in the interview convinced that like this is not possible because he's now become a sovereign they should have interviewed him again that's a great idea it's like oh i i want to avoid being arrested i'm going to make it impossible to

leave the country and then i'm also going to go to the government and ask for something yeah and also you can get your baby back so you can eat it you can only assume that's to give you your sovereign level up that you should just make iowa like a libertarian state oh dude we can't call it iowa again dude we can't do it yeah you could call it like crazy frog the funny thing about iowa was in the comments was that everybody who is from iowa like just flat out agreed with us there was no pushback it was just like yeah that is what i was like there was a yeah i felt like it was the opposite i thought well there was some iowa pushback but it was overwhelmingly, yeah, it's kind of boring.

2024 comes around, I want to make a little neighborhood in Nebraska. No, you don't. Well, no, because it's the easiest place to get an electoral vote because they break it up by district for the electoral vote. It's not an all or nothing state. It is weird. And you only need like something like 10,000 people to sway the vote enough that you can guarantee a certain election result.

You're... And then what do you want with that? What do you want to do with that? Is this your... Is this a MrBeast video? You don't want to be... You don't want to be... Oh, and then they just vote for me

and I'm an elect... Yeah, that's what I thought you wanted to do. What were you thinking of before that? What the fuck are you rigging the elections? Oh. For who?

Whoever. I who? Whoever. I don't know. I don't know who's running in 2024. Hey, the highest bidder, brother. Remember when he wanted to be a talk show host, and now Ludwig just wants to become a lobbyist with all his money. That's sick. Lobbyism.

Now I'm on board. I do want to be a lobbyist, yeah. Dude, so we were in Vegas, and I had this bit about like you know how vegas girls will be like like in general like yeah we're in vegas yeah like that that very cliche at least the loudest ones you can hear at any given location yeah and they're just like and they're here they're kind of broke but they're like yeah we're just like living brave and they all one of them has like the fucking the gold yeah yeah and it says like crazy bitch these are me and my slots and people at home might be think it might be thinking like this is an exaggeration or like

a caricature but these groups really do exist live in person and you don't have to look hard like if you just walk around vegas you'll find this group and there is also a male analog to this which is like dude it's important to point out that the male dude it exists bro fucking maybe more miserable maybe more miserable like where i fucking chill bro they do they reference the hangover way more oh god one of them has the color is ghb on them yeah right it's and so there's this this subculture that's not a subculture just like what how like i don't know it's just like this pass through culture of vegas girls like this but it's where it's where boat girls go when they get off the boat they just they just they just go in vegas and they get back on the boat i had this

funny idea that like you're like you're like at the club and they're like they're doing their whole thing and then they kind of start slowly like just spewing out shit like and the vaccine is fake. God. Everyone knows COVID's a hoax. Wow. Yeah. Vegas. Is he following you

around just saying this? That would be awesome.ama's a muslim let's go let's party i'm so sorry i'm so sorry to the one listener who can guess why this came up i'm so sorry to the one listener who can guess why this came up. I'm so sorry. And so, yeah. Yeah, we were just workshopping that bit a little bit. Yeah. I like it. I like where it's at.

You like that bit? We're holding on to that one. Holy shit. We're holding on to that one. Holy shit. You know what this just reminded me of? Do you guys know about the Let's Go Brandon thing? Yeah.

I know. What's this? Our pilot on the way home said it. Oh, wait. Southwest? Yeah. What is this? The news article. Wait. You guys. That was national news. You, wait, Southwest? Yes. That is the news article.

Wait, you guys, that was national news. You were on that plane? No, it was literally after the article came out. After the article. The guy kept doing it. Because that's why we knew about it. Let's Go Brandon, there was like a NASCAR event, and people who are in NASCAR are like.

The guy who won its name was Brandon, and the crowd was cheering, fuck Joe Biden. Yeah. And then the news reporter went, oh, looks like they're cheering, let's go Brandon. And so then now they say, let's go Brandon, to say fuck Joe Biden. Yeah, it's like a code for fuck Joe Biden. And then the news reporter went, oh, looks like they're cheering. Let's go, Brandon. And so then now they say, let's go Brandon to say, fuck Joe Biden. It's like a code for fuck Joe Biden.

And they think they're being really clever. And it's really funny. They could just say, fuck Joe Biden. Yeah, because they just say, fuck Joe Biden. And our pilot said... This is the scrub that dish of right-wing Republicans. Southwest pilots, apparently. And so, yeah, we flew Southwest home and he got on the intercom and whispered.

That's crazy. And so he did that. It hit national news headlines like Southwest pilot because a lot of right wing people jumped on it. Like, damn, these fucking soft ass libs. And that's funny that your guy,

our guy was like handshake. Like I'm sticking with the Southwest guys. It was so cringe. At the end of the day, it's just really great. Like, I don't care. Land the fucking plane. Hassan literally said it perfectly. He was like, dude, just say fuck Joe Biden with your chest.

I say it all the time. Like, just just say fuck Joe Biden. Oh, I got this opportunity to, like, address these people in this like metal can that they can't leave. A red dot appears on Agent's forehead. It's just like, oh, this is going to be great. Like, it's such a weird

fucking thing. It's like, if you're going to be a pilot who wants to let everyone on board know what politics you're into, like, just maybe shut the fuck up.

Just crash the plane. Dude, his movie pauses and he says, let's go, Brandon. And fucking kills himself on the plane. He stands up, starts banging on the cockpit. I was watching the social network. It was just a good part. It was about to 9 to 6, coming back for everything, asshole.

It makes me so mad. It makes me so mad. Yeah, it was really whack. And by the way, even if it was like he said something like I agreed with, right, it would still be whack because it's like, hey, not the time. Land the fucking plane and get your Yerba out of the freezer. Oh, shit. We double freeze it? Oh, I clicked repeat.

Yerba. So it's been an hour? That means it's been like an hour and a half at least. How much are we at then? That means we're almost done. Maybe hour 20. I don't know. Zipper, give us a time count.

It's crazy. And then we'll just suck Ludwig down for the rest of it all. A zipper to this, which I don't know what the fuck that means. That means go long. Keep going. Kiddo. Keep going. Zipper, hold your hands out with your fingers.

Are we within 10? Zipper does have only seven fingers, so it might be hard for him. What's up, bitch? So I messaged you about this over the weekend. Ooh. Because as soon as I heard, as soon as I realized, I had it had it in my head i was like we have a way in we can make this change oh pokimane owns evo now i'm so mad about this oh yeah it owns let's talk about it i don't want this to be a thing i want evo to fucking die so i can replace evo okay i don't want evo to

exist because then if evo, then it's just competition. Yeah, I see what you're saying. It doesn't mean that they're going to host Melee. Well, so that's the thing that Aiden messed with me about, because Poki's company is owned by a different company that owns Evo as well as her company. There's an in now where we could potentially talk to Poki and be like, hey, Evo was cool. Here's how you make it not shitty. But what he's saying is that our resources and thoughts should be better. We could make cooler Evo. But I'm also like.

Our Evo would be so sick. Our Evo would be so. When you say our Evo. Our Evo. Brand recognition event. The Evo that I could come up with. That I could tell Ludwig to tell Pokimane To tell the owners of RTS and Sony We call it EvoCon

Hey Different event Yeah, the thing is I think they will obviously continue Evo So I want it to do well Because if Evo's going to exist Might as well make it good Because I think people will go to it

Just for the branding Right So I did frame one message Poki Melee at Evo She did reply PeepoG Which is the emote of the Pepe frog writing something down with glasses. Inconclusive.

I love a good Peep OG. Which meant she would look up what Melee is after. She's the chief creative officer of the management group, which is owned by the group that owns Evo. Well, I'm the chief creative officer of Smoke and Weed behind that venue. I'm trying to say, I don't know how big her pole is. You should have seen what he did with a Canada dry bottle. I don't.

What? It was nuts. Yeah, we had that shit in the bottle. Shit I never saw before. Never touched a can in my life. So we'll see. One hit out the apple, one hit out the bottle. Speaking of big things fitting big things,

watch this clip on LSF ofan reacting to porn on stream what he was watching the porn great content full cam reacting to the porn with 39 daf in acu and then like commentating it and it was so compelling that i went to look at the porn and it was the craziest porn i'd ever seen in my life it was a woman who put a dildo in her asshole and i shit you not it was probably twice the size of that gnome okay a thickness in width yes dude i'm telling you it was like it was like this wide maybe wider okay dude it was looking like a soccer ball it yeah it exited and it was like it was fucking stargate sg1 in that bitch. Dude, me and my good old friend, who I met through Dota, actually, we became very good friends, messaged every day.

And one day he sent me this fucking gif of two women transferring a dildo from one asshole to the other like it was a train going into two different tunnels. I want to put the Inception music behind that. Dude, it was great. And then he just said a quote like, here you go. Dude, all I can think of right now. Pass it to one friend or else you have bad luck for seven years.

That one scene in the montage at the end of Requiem for a Dream. Yeah. Classic. That's exactly what I'm thinking right now. But that's a sad one. This one was, I would like to think, happy. Comical, a happy handoff. Well lit. So that's good. Requiem for a cream, if you will. Let's bring back creepypasta emails

and just tweet at people. Let's make Yardigan spread memes around the world. I do love porn parody titles, by the way. That's where your superpower can be really useful. Wait, explain to me. He said Requiem for a

cream. Oh, like that. You like, okay. I'm just good at bastardizing names, and I think I could do a lot of good work for this community.

Would you ever want to direct a porno? Direct a porno? Yeah, that'd be sick. As long as it was like... People know it's yours.

Ethically sourced. As long as it was ethically sourced. No blood as it was ethically sourced. No blood diamonds. Grass-fed porn. Mixed porn, but it just has like, it has killer 3D assets. Dude, it has 30 seconds to Mars. It's got old Macklemore in the background while things cut back and forth.

There's hit markers on her ass and stuff. After effects presets. Woody Allen. Got the CC lens plug in. Real ones now. You've been acting awful tough lately. Oh my god.

It's just cum shots on Woody Allen. Dude, imagine you in the heyday of machinima you direct a porn and a guy does a 360 cum shot.

Has that been done? That has to have been done. I mean, surely. But like a 360 cum shot sounds cooler than a man just jumping in a circle then coming. Dude. But you have to time it. It's just like black ops.

Off a ladder would be cool. Off a ladder? A ladder stall. A ladder stall? Can you imagine like ladder stall first person with like a huge dick in your hand? And then flicking it up and down like the intervention. There's a video for your YouTube channel. I think Charlie did something similar,

but a day in your life from the perspective of your penis. Oh, yeah? I like that. That's such a boring video. You spend most of the day in the dark. Yeah, for you. I'm the guy with the tiny penis in the room. Destroy.

And also, Candace is coming over. Sorry, my friend Wendy likes when the mic's closer. That's big A. Who's Wendy? That'd be bad. Well, anyway, yeah, I'm a full-time YouTuber now. Successful. You got 20K on that video.

I see you out there. These guys didn't agree with me, but I feel like it's the closest I'll ever come to being Kyle. I agree with you. I think it's got that energy. I hate when you do this. I hate when you're like, you guys, and it was something that he did.

I just thought it was both of you, but it was you. It was me, and I still say it by that. You know what pissed me off? I made a tweet about how good this video was. You know what pissed me off? It didn't actually piss me off, but I thought it was interesting is when you watch it on stream,

and you laughed a bunch, and you said, that's actually a good video. As if, for a couple things, as if I could never actually make a good video, which is fine, but also, that you reserve that compliment in general, for videos in general. Meaning that

you don't think a lot of stuff is actually good. Pass that, and you can smoke that now, too. Your rebuttal? You got your own. Yeah, we're still live on Twitch saying shit. Okay. Ew. Why would you swallow it that now, too. Your rebuttal? You got your own. Don't eat it. I'm on Twitch saying shit. Okay. Why would you swallow it? What does that mean? Actually, a good video is just like a way to farm chat to be

positive around a video. Interesting. If you say that's a good video, then people will be more likely to dissent. If you say actually a good video, they'll be like, actually, true, Ludwig. Pog you. The logic there does not follow. You just kind of said that. Hurting Twitch chat. I don't think that...

Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Okay, no, no, it makes a lot of sense. You know why you'll never be a YouTuber? Why? It's because you'll never repeat something that was successful. That's right. And that's all YouTube is.

But Jerma did that. Jerma made it. And he didn't do that. He was like, if you tell them to watch the video, they're going to go watch it. But if you say, check this video out, they're going to, like, check it out. You know what I mean? What the fuck are you talking about? I'm just trying to them to watch the video, they're going to go watch it. But if you say, check this video out, they're going to check it out. You know what I mean?

What the fuck are you talking about? I'm just trying to get fucking past the conversation, Nick. Jesus Christ. Harp and Harry over here. It is crazy how— Plus ratio. I'm defending you. No, no, yeah, I know.

You will never ratio me, plus you're white. Anyway, yeah, you have to repeat things that you are successful on in YouTube. Jerma does do that. He did WrestleMania like five years in a row. Yeah, but no, but that's like annual. So what? He still repeats things.

You don't understand. That's obviously different. There's a difference between a tradition and a ritual and then just like forming the same jerk off shit. It's TikTok time, everybody.

Every YouTuber does a bunch of videos, then one hits and then they repeat that one. I will be the exception. Low sub count and no revenue. That's what Summoning Salt was. Like Summoning Salt just made videos and then he did one one. I will be the exception. That's what summoning salt was. Low sub count and no revenue. That's what summoning salt was.

Like summoning salt just made videos and then he did one history of speedrunning. It popped off and he's like, I'll just keep doing this. But do you hear what I just said? I'll have little views, no revenue, but I'll be enjoying what I make. Yeah, so you won't be a YouTuber.

But am I not on YouTube? Well, a YouTuber I think would be like, Am I not a man in this country? Do I not have the same rights as you Ludwig Anders? You just watched The Village, too? We just watched The Village. I don't like it that much. Yeah, blue.

So, you know, that's what I'm saying. I don't know what that is. Anyway, we're equals now. We are not. You guys are the same. You guys are the same. You guys are the same. Come on, shake the hand.

Pour it in, man. Shake, shake, shake, shake. Ah, what is that? Oh, my God. For the audio, I don't want to tell the audio listeners what's going on. Yeah. We're the same. It's not helpful to them.

Hey, man, we're surely at 90 here, guys. Hey, been a great one. Thank you so much, Yardigans, for watching episode 17. Yeah, statistics say there's like 10% of you still listening. We're on 18. Fuck! Yeah. Thank you so much for watching episode 18.

Yes, our podcast is now barely legal. Oh. Come on. What are you, fucking podcast? Come on. You're just using tropes. That was too far. All right, Aiden's 30-minute segment on the Third Reich wasn't out of pocket.

Well, that's staying in. So if you just started watching right now, maybe go back and watch the whole thing. Also, if you haven't, you know, smash the bell. Leave a rating. Coin base, everybody. Thank you for watching The Yard. Watch the premium now. Actually, go do subscribe to the YouTube because I think my second YouTube channel is going to pass The Yard,

and that would make me sad. That's up to you. Why don't you fucking do something? Why don't you plug? Why don't you do something? I fucking made you guys do something. I know, so make us more. Make us more.

I swear to God. Keep going, then. Pussy, keep going. Okay, dude. You know I made you something, Ludwig. I'm telling the primo. Out!