The Yard - Ep. 194 - We're stuck in a timeloop...

Episode Date: April 9, 2025

This week, the boys talk about whether Jasontheween knows who Elvis Presley is, Nick returning to COD modding, and how- Wait, have we said that before? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Don't eat it. You know, Ludwig, I'm going to give you I'm going to give you a rule this episode, OK? We're going to start off with a rule. We don't often start an episode with a rule. This episode, you can use your phone as much as you. Oh, he's eating it he's like a goat dude well you got now you gotta swallow it yes square pupils take it out take it spit it out turn the sound on spit it out All the way

Dude it's like when Durs ate a string once Your might you're allowed to use your phone as much as you want this episode, okay, that's our rule You wanna put it, you wanna pull it out? Stop! Ow! Ow! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! This is, the vibes are so... Fucked today. Can I, can I vent to nobody? Cause no one wants to listen to me apparently. Cause it's fucking chopped as shit.

Retweet, retweet. Don't retweet. Take off the hat. Huh? What'd you say? Take off the hat. Why? Is girly uncut?

Awww. I haven't shaved in a couple days. Awww. That's fine. We'll call it uncut. Is something wrong? You don't come back to it. Why is girly on cut? That's fine is called uncut is something wrong you don't come you want to shame me You don't prep for the podcast anymore doesn't matter to you. I do here's two fuckers. This is so fuck and your funds in Fucking Apple earphones Nonverbal all day. It's been miserable. I show up, you're playing CSGO, I can't play shit. I'm working. You're working on Call of Duty mods.

Not during the day. You can fucking, you can at least banter with me while you're working on Call of Duty mods. You can't banter with me while I'm doing that during the day. I'm not doing that during the day. I'm not talking about that. He's on the Piggy PC, installing a Call of Duty 4 mod. I go up to him, I say, isn't it crazy that the Kardashians are Armenian?ians are Armenian? Yeah, I said no, it's not crazy. It's kind of crazy Low-key it's kind of crazy. It doesn't even look at me. I feel like I'm fucking doing something

Cuz I wanna guess like Iranian, huh? I would have guessed like Iranian Persian Persian, you know, I'm like that Apparently this sort of discussion is beneath. Is. Is it crazy they're not Iranian? Is it crazy that you're not Iranian? Kind of behind it, yeah. Yeah, kind of. So you see where I'm at. I'm more on Nick's level with this. This is him.

And I'd be like, yo, mustard on the beat, ho. And he'd be like, mm-hmm. So let me repackage for the fans at home. He'll see me focused on something. I don't know if he's focused. And then he'll break my focus and I'll try to keep it because I'm deep in thought. And then I'll give him something because he's talking to me.

And then eventually he'll give up and I'll be like, okay, I've gotten my focus back. He's nonverbal, bro. One day he'll die from old age soon. And then you'll be fucking sad you didn't spend these moments with him. My last words to him will be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, you were working on that Call of Duty 4, you know Verdansk is out, he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm like, I'm gonna kill myself. You need something to work on. I do work on stuff, it's just really hard. It's just hard. You need more things to work on. Or easier things to work on. But you say I don't prefer the podcast. I don't know.

Something. You say I don't prefer the podcast and it's bullshit. We have a beautiful ecosystem. OK, I work from about 1030 to about four or five. Then we come in and we do the podcast. But now the ecosystem's all fucked. Because you come in, you want bants all day. I was mercilessly bothering you.

You want yelling bants all day. And was mercilessly bothering yelling bant all day I'm trying to work at 7 p.m Because I know when I came in and Kelby was here. I looked at you I was like he's focused and I fucked off 7 p.m. Is my time Sorry, I forgot that 7 p.m. Is his time In the public office cuz I walked in here Kelly was Kelly was here, I punked his dumb ass. Easy. He said, why do you have red neck?

That's what he said to Kelby. He said, I always have a red neck. I was focused when this happened, but I'm meant to step in because Kelby does have red neck. I know. Kelby does have red neck. I know, I know. Kelby gets a red neck. He gets a red neck. And you asked an important question, I thought. Some people turn red.

Which is, do it go all the way down? I did, I asked him how far it go down though. I refocused during that part, I missed that detail. And then he looks down into his shirt. Aiden starts laughing. He had to check. He had to check, he's like, it just goes down to my neck. And I said, you're dismissed.

And then he left with his awesome fiance. It's fucked up. Everything's fucked up right now. You work with Jake from State Farm for 13 hours a day. I'm getting stretched thin by Jake. Jake's pushing you to the edge. He wants to see the veins. God. Jake's pushing you to the edge. He wants to see the veins. God, he is pushing you to the tattered edge.

He's holding a flashlight up to it. And it's, yeah, it's wet, yeah. It's wet. Every second of my damn time. You show up like a broken man at the office. You know how- You should sack tap him. Jake from State Farm?

I probably could get away with that. Boom. Sack tap his two Jakes from the State Farm. I could sack tap, he'd probably hit me back though and he's strong which Was the good neighbor which was the bad neighbor? Yeah, it's like the theater happy sad face knock it like a old doorbell thing the door knock lock him you know I jingle you know Michael J. Fox right yeah, yeah the guy with Parkinson sure but before that he was an actor like the legacy

Surrounding it yeah well using back to the future in a different show that I don't care about, but... I almost watched Back to the Future 2 on the plane. Close. Almost. That's fun. He almost watched it. I almost did something uninteresting and unrelated. That's an awesome interjection.

I'm going to try that way. Very nice. I'm going to try that for like five minutes. I thought about No Country for Old Men. I just thought about it. Then I just read. So he, in the time when he's doing Back to the Future, he was also on this TV show and he was shooting them at the same time.

And he would he would shoot the show all day and then get like literally dragged, like fall asleep and get carried to Back to the Future set to do that. And that and it had like terrible effects on his life because it was he was working for like 20 hours a day. This is what's going on with you. We're working you to the bone. You know what he said to me? This was fucked up. I'm sitting there. He comes in. He's like dead looking at his phone. Basketball's on. I have some fruit in my hands. I say, you want some fruit, Jebin?

He says, no. He says there's too much Mexican stuff on it, which is crazy. No, I did not say that. I said there's too much Mexican to gin on it. Yes. Sorry. You said that to gin? I said I there's too much Mexican to gin on it. Yes. Sorry And I said and he's like fucking losing his mind I'm like, how do I make your life better right now, dude And he saw he goes quietly. He's just like cancel the yard. I I did hear you say that Which is so snake like you, because you asked me as a friend what I needed, and then you yelled it.

And you also turned your head to tell the people. I wanted to talk to Nick. Yeah, I know. We are. We're recording, for those listening, we're recording on Thursday night. We normally would wait till Monday of the following week, but we're recording early.

Yeah, and we're gonna finish at 10 and I have to be in at six, which means I got seven hours at most. You know what the grand irony of all this is? Me and Slime had a conversation like three weeks ago. We were talking about work and productivity and stuff. And I was like, yeah, I think it's important to like have multiple zones.

Like I think it's important to have like, when you get home at the end of the day, you earn playing video games and going to sleep early because you worked all day. So like if you can go to like another environment, I was like, you know, a coffee shop or like, and he found his own. He comes here and now my zone, my zone is gone. I'm nice to your zone. We need Brian from Off-Brand to come back so bad. Kick you out. Fuck Brian. Also, 5 p.m.

After 5 p.m., I turn on. But before that, if people want to work, I do shut up quick unless Kelby's in the fucking office, which is most of the time. Which is every day. Yeah, just to be clear, that's every day. Yeah, that's every day. And it's also this is also not true. This was maybe true today. Yeah, it actually the first and it was only true today because you came in at 5 p.m.

But 430 but You said not even a couple days ago we recorded the podcast the yard podcast you're like I did play five hours of counters right I Did I did that? Bro, I just I want to know people start working around here I've been brought to the tattered edge You know, we came to the office today and I just want everybody's first guttural reaction to see today and I just want everybody's first guttural reaction to see it. First guttural reaction to see it. What is it?

Show the people. Oh, my God. That's free advertising right there. What the fuck? For real? You're giving free advertising? I just I'm just appalled. Drink the Prime. It's actually really good. I heard, dude, that I want to open it. I don't want to be complicit in that bag.

Open it. For the audio listeners, it's a brown and yellow box of Lunchly. Beef, well, feast, Wellington, beef tenderloin wrapped in puff pastry, Lunchly. Okay, so Archie is shivering right now. Dude, if I ate a man, I'd want it wrapped like a beef Wellington. Oh, freak. I thought of it. So it's beef Wellington and then a feastable bar and then what's the prime drink?

It's supposed to be like like sort of a savory prime No, I think I've heard it's good genuinely It's for kids to open up by the way. Uh When I saw that earlier Dude, I that's so disgusting.ant. Give me the feasibles. I bet it's just like beef jerky. Well, I saw that earlier. Because lunchease are like fucking meals, right?

That is a nasty looking beef. Oh, it says leave no crumbs. That looks all right, guys. Honest meal review. It's going to smell like jerky on a plane. It says leave no crumbs. I will. It's is this extra beefy prime? Yeah, it's a joke. It's a joke product. Okay, fine. Oh my god. I thought it was real. Why was that so gross to me? April Fools. This is great. Wait, can I see that? Dude, you're eating the April Fools meal?

Mm-hmm. It's really good. Oh! Does it smell like the amaranth fart jar? Oh, dude, it does not. Give me, give me, give me. I'm gonna put the cap back on. Wait. Oh dude. It does not give me give me give me Put the gap I taste it taste it taste it What does it taste like dude, that's awesome It says broth bomb also, this is not advertising. The people at Prime, uh, f**k. And you'd think I'd laugh, right?

You'd think, oh, funny joke. This is when this one's real. Let's see what's in here. I like how it's got this sort of like old school Sonic the Hedgehog color palette Who's that guy who just you're gonna get Carl Job's you're gonna call job Sidbo Fuck it. Let's do it. Let's go. I don't want it. I don't know Going up against mr. Beast and the Paul's a

All their lawyers absolute legend Beef Wellington tastes like water it tastes and smells like watered down... broth. Oh I hurt my knee. I'm gonna grow it in a mushroom there. Okay the... Ugh that's so... It smells, you know what it smells like?

Cat food. I don't know, I haven't even talked about it but the chocolate is called broccolette and it's supposed to be broccoli flavored chocolate. Right okay. I get it now. I thought this was genuine. You know they fooled me once, shame on me. They fooled me once, shame on me. Fooled me twice, shame on me.

It's on me. That's not bad. Right? The broccoli chocolate? Yeah, it's actually some white chocolate with a little broccoli flavor. I don't think that food should be a prank. They've... Really? I don't think that... I don't think kids should eat prank food. Guy who got his fucking face put in a pie by a clown. No more food pranks.

I think that... What if a kid drank this? Well, obviously they wouldn't because they wouldn't buy it and their parents wouldn't buy it. It has no nutrition facts. You guys ever have a food fight ever? Yes. You ever see a real one in school? Was it like but like how electric was it? It was like it wasn't it wasn't like the movies.

It wasn't like everyone. It wasn't like everyone do it. It was like it was like eight people. That's like a food like a table like two different tables warring against like people who knew each other but were like egoing each other. I try to start one one time. I just had a muffin. Food fire everyone.

And then everyone's like nah. No I just had a muffin, I ate the top, I didn't want the rest so I crumpled it in a ball and I threw it across the cafeteria. Was it in the paper? Or did you crumple just the muffin? Outside the paper. Just the ball of like dough. That's a scatter shot. And I just chucked it and I just didn't hit

anything. No shit, look not to tear you down in your most vulnerable moment. Please, yeah cause I am being vulnerable to tear you down in your most vulnerable moment. Yeah, because I am being vulnerable. You've told this before in the attic. Oh, my God. I don't remember this at all. Not true. I've never heard. I don't think I've heard this. Not true.

But I'll run it back if it's there. I actually think that you can't find this because I never said this. You just type in because after this, I say that when I threw an apple at Tyler's head and it hit him in the head. And then I remember what I think I say after, which is that my school never had a food fight, but we used to get plastic bottles and paper bags and make explosion sounds.

And it was awful. And then he said, but all I do is blow it out or some shit. Yeah. Well, he said what he said. I remembered a story when I was in Spanish in the fifth grade where, no, sixth grade, where there was this girl who sat in front of me and someone, like someone I knew across the classroom threw a Jolly Rancher into her hair,

but she sat in front of me and so she felt it and then she grabbed, it got stuck and then she like turned around and she thought it was me and then I got detention. Oh. Because she had a Jolly Rancher stuck in her hair. I think. And I was behind her. And then you stomped her after school.

And I think I might have said Thank you This is after an episode that was entirely the opening of the last two episodes. This is bad. Okay enough circling around I didn't prepare for the podcast today time. It might be time to pack it up fucking lemonade tycoon sit down I might be time to go. I saw you last time you said that what a better name Lemonade take oh my god And the logo is like a lemonade stand, but the size of like a park. There's a roller coaster. It's taken. Bro, that's the game.

Lemonade tycoon. Oh, I know about that one. I know roller coaster tycoon. There's a lemonade tycoon game for real. Are you guys dumb? This game is massive. Wait, I did not know this. This was like, are you serious?

This is like you have a fucking game that ripped this off. Stop doing the Charlie face. The lemonade tycoon situation is like you have a fucking game that's not doing the Charlie face I have a type of game that ripped this off. How do you not know wait has similarities to lemonade stand go to that one It's just a picture of three pedophiles Let's go. What is business simulation game? Oh one of the first games ever. Oh wow Not yet lemonade tycoon was like a browser game it popped off Wow! That's early. Not yet. Lemonade Tycoon was like a browser game. It popped off.

Let me look. It was like a sick RPG. Oh, by the way, you know what Zipper said? Because they use Zipper to use for Lemonade Tycoon. Can I tell them this? You don't have to. You know what Zipper said? What?

He messages me. I've barely talked to Zipper, you know, we're strictly business. Yeah. It's all business for me and Zipper. But when when I look into his eyes it means something. Missionary. He said, these motherfuckers boring man. Lemonade stand more like lemonade laid down and fall asleep. That's my goat. Dude, that's crazy. Zipper!

I'll give you some fucking presentation on Ezra Klein's butthole factory or something. Yeah, Ezra Klein's butthole factory. Ezra Klein talks about how we need an abundance of butthole factories. So we need to tear off Chinese buttholes so we're expunging our American buttholes first. This is the thing about the terrorists, Ludwig, they apply to everything. I forgot about the terrorist, what a fucking miserable plan. Listen, it's appreciation day. I told you guys in the group chat.

Appreciation day? Appreciation day. What does that mean? I don't think he told us that. How do I express myself to you? We go around, we say what we appreciate with each other, and we take out our appreciation wipes, which I have. So bring out yours.

What are those? The appreciation wipes. You have multiple, so can I borrow one from you? Well, there's three for one of each of you. So I don't have to bring one? No, it's I use them on you guys. You use the three appreciat- This is insane, because I read a whole thing.

What are you looking for? My appreciation wipes. See, someone cares. I guess I, well guess I brought this. This was the other option. You could also bring the appreciation gun. Wow, your wives are $20 bills. How down to earth you are.

You'll appreciate them. Oh, I like those. That's so sweet. I could probably split this into three pieces. The appreciation beef Wellington lunch lady. So I guess I'll start. Okay. I could probably split this into three pieces. Yeah, three. You should beef Wellington lunch. So I guess I'll start. OK, it's fucking fine.

I appreciate how Aiden dresses like he is. You already want to insult them. You're so close. You couldn't make it through. I almost did. Oh my God. That was a really bad start. See, this why appreciation day is a good strategy.

You have to eat the wipe when you mess up. That's the rule. I appreciate how Aiden is really good at responding to me when I talk to him, even if it's stupid. Which feels like it's an anti appreciation of me, given the context of what he said earlier. What are you talking about? Is he how he's saying that.

I feel like he's confirming, you know, the good things that I do for him that you coincidentally happen and not do. Right. OK, so I'm going to take that one in a vacuum. It's in a vacuum. I appreciate it. Why? I appreciate how your fits are so macular all the time. Every fit is like an adventure. It's like a it's like a Halloween bag full of random candy.

Right. But it's candy. Thank you. For me. OK. Yeah, my fits are getting better. Not today. Well, you changed out your black F1s for those. Both are equally tough. Ah, Nick. Both are equally tough. Ah, Nick.

Right. The appreciation. Sure. You got one for me. Train keeps on rolling. Actually, yes. Or I was listening to the episode we just did like four days ago because Ludwig's fucking jungus schedule.

It was when he talked about having two Uzis and just shooting everyone in the Apple store. That was very funny. There's genuine. I felt genuine. Mine was the only actual insult. That was very funny. That's genuine. Mine felt genuine. Mine was the only actual insult, just to be clear. What are you talking about? That was a compliment.

That was a compliment. You just said my face are immaculate with the face. Do you not believe they are? You just look like Jeff Ross when you're saying it. Who is that? They were very random. He's the roastmaster. Oh, I thought he was David Schwimmer. Wait, he said they're a visual adventure. That seems nice. He's the roastmaster. Oh, I thought he was David Schwimmer.

Wait, he said they were a visual adventure. That seems nice. It's true. How do the wipes play? Yeah, when do you wait? Oh, the wipes are for me. I'll put the money where they're supposed to be. We were supposed to bring our own wipes.

Yes, I told you all this in the group chat. Well, Kate, the wipes are for you. So how are you going to use them now that you brought them? I'd actually can't use these as a joke because I need to clean my monitor. They're gross So why don't we hear what you appreciate about each of us? Let me start with slime. Are you sitting? I am.

I appreciate how you're the only person in this world who's ever talked about fucking me so thoroughly and filling me up. And sometimes... Sometimes it's what you need to hear. It's what I need to hear. It's funny because I'm probably not. There's probably like a bunch of fans that do this amongst themselves. Oh, yeah.

I guess you say it to my face though. Right. Sure. You said shit I've never heard before. Yeah. I've learned terms from you. Jeez. You know? I feel you out like an application.

That's the part of the things that I'm talking about in this moment. Cutie's never said this. Yeah, that's true. Okay. What would Cutie fill you with? She's been taking a lot of slimes vernacular. Oh. Because you've been using Chungus a lot.

So she pulled Chungus from you. Great. Good. So she keeps going, fuck my Chungus life. Yes. And yet Good. Well done. So she keeps going, fuck my Chungus life. Yes. And yet not, not, never that though. She's never talked about filling me up or out, but I guess she wouldn't. Not like, that's what I'm saying.

Like a vessel for her, I guess. Yeah. Would she just, I guess she could do it with like cake stuff. She's just not as crass as you. She loves talking about piping. I always like that joke. It's real. She loves piping. piping. I always like that joke. She loves piping. What? Kitty loves piping?

She'll pipe with anybody. On camera. She's on camera in the kitchen. I don't know where this is going. This is going to continue more? We'd be out in the kitchen, we'd watch her pipe. It was crazy. You were never around. Okay, and that's where I'm at. We'd be out in the kitchen, we'd watch her pipe. It was crazy. It was crazy.

And you were never around. Okay, and that's where I'm at. And that's where the line, we found the line. It was a fun exercise that we all partaked in. That's great. It was good times, good times. Are we going forward? Nick, I appreciate you and your love of music playlists.

Aiden. Brutal. Wow. It felt like it might as well just punch you in the fucking head. It feels like I asked a girl she wanted to be my study partner and she was like, I don't study. No is the worst I can say. I don't know books.

I don't know books. Nope. Just fresh out. like, I don't study. I don't know. Who knows the worst they can say? I don't know books. I don't book. Nope. Just fresh out. Fresh out of studying. Dude, the Japan trip really got to my vocabulary because on set so many times I kept saying I'm gonna kill myself with a gun then. And you just can't say that when you're mic'd up and they hear you.

Especially at the gamerhood. Especially the gamerhood because what happened last year? That's right. Yup. One fucking Nick A30 blew his shit. He's just a droid now walking the earth. He lost his 1v1 at Quicks. It was his birthday the other day though.

He just had it shaking in his mouth. Dude that guy's birthday post was so wholesome. What was it? Huge cake. His mom made him a cake. Oh that's nice. I heard that. His mom piped? It was so wholesome. Huge cake. She, that's nice. I heard that. His mom piped?

Like, his birthday was so wholesome, huge cake. She piped right in front of him. She did, for his birthday. Homemade? She piped right in front of him. He put his mom's huge cake on Instagram. Come on. I will not stand for that.

That guy is too old. Oh, that's too far. Have you fucking talked to that guy? I have. I was in the fucking thing with him. I didn't even know he was at the Gamerhood. That guy was in Ninja Battles. That's right. Back in the war room with him. I didn't even know is the gamerhood I think I was in ninja battles. That's right back in the war room with me

Yeah, he played in ninja battle He also got so much shit online for continually saying that speed faked jumping over his car. No way It was funny. He went through the video frame by frame. You see the video speed jump on his car Yeah, he goes through the video frame by frame. He's like, guys, obviously, it's not real. It's masking. It's a video technique called masking. And then he goes through frame by frame. You just see Speed's reflection on the car.

He's like, it's pretty good. It's pretty good, but it is masking. That's haters shit, because he did that. Let's see another example. When he pulls up the planes entering the Twin Towers, video composite. This is what I do back then too. None of this happened. Just to be clear. What's that documentary called about how the planes just straight up never hit the towers?

You guys ever see that? Zeitgeist. I watched that when I was in high school and I was just like, I believe that 100%. My English teacher who loved quoting Borat told me to watch it. And he would later on have a dubious relationship with one of the students, freshly after she graduated. This is all true. Dubious like he got caught in fire.

Dubious like everyone knew and no one acted. I'm realizing now I don't really know how to use the word dubious. What happened was... I think it's suspect. Sus. No, I thought dubious. I know dubious from the chess way to use it, which is like a... Dubious.

You take a piece. It's almost like complex. Or by the degree, if you guys want me to help, please. As opposed to the other, it means very much complication. Very much. With the subject hand. What better word than complicated?

No. Zipper, can you Google dubious for us? Hesitating or doubting not to be real suspect. Okay Dubious pussy see what comes up. Yeah. Yeah what dubious pussy go images? Oh First one I'll just fuck it who cares like you could if you removed only it, but it still had the insides. It was a very wet penis. Get that off the screen, bro. So yeah, he, it was.

Which is good for the penis. She graduated and then immediately they like hooked up and he's a teacher. And you gotta wonder what happened during the school that so quickly they got to the sex. Yeah, it was zeitgeist. Maybe she got like really high grades. And he's a teacher so he's like, oh you're so smart. You're the smartest. Now that you graduated I so he's like, I are so smart.

You're the smartest. Now that you graduated I want to say I was attracted by your scores. You have a beautiful mind. The day I became a teacher I said, my smartest student, I'll have sex with them and it's you. Congratulations. You are a one million visitor to my website. It's purely merit based. What GPA do you guys have? It's purely merit based. What GPA do you guys have in high school?

Just real quick. 1.6? What are you counter striking? You're a fucking idiot. I got homied to graduate from my math teacher. The order is for sure one, two, three, four, right? What did I say again? Like one, two, three, four.

So Aiden, Nick, me, slime in terms of GPA high. So maybe, maybe, maybe he's last unless you go in. Unless someone's got lower than one point. You could put four or five, six. He'd still be seven. You know, saying, are we going peak? So we go in lowest. I think lowest is the best. We're going like at what your GPA is.

What do you do every year? I mean, I don't know. I guess it's like when you graduate with four point. Oh, isn't that just your senior year? No, no, no. It's your whole high school. Humor of you know, you're smoking ball. He's No. No, no, it's your whole high school. Your cumulative GPA. No. You're smoking ball.

He's right. What? No, it's your whole high school GPA. You have a cumulative GPA, and then you have like a... The cumulative is the one that matters. That's what I was talking about. I have to guess that one. My senior year is 1.6.

How do you know specific years but not the cumulative? Because I remember what it felt like to get the lowest one I'd ever had. But I don't remember... Do you know your lowest and highest? I know my lowest. You don't even know your highest? Oh, even know my highest. I think I know my highest so then average them Okay, got it Mine's two nine. Oh What's Arizona State. What do you think happened here? I went to Arizona State.

Uh, mine was 397. OH MY GOD! WHAT?! That's what happens when your mom doesn't let you watch The Simpsons and shit. I had a 3-3! Look at you guys! When did you lose your virginity? Marbella. When I was 18, like the summer, like the month after high school.

So you weren't enrolled in high school. I was not enrolled in high school. I lost my virginity. You did not have time for girls. Did you lose your virginity in high school? I was nervous about, I was nervous about sex. I was not, I had some opportunities and I was like, I don't know if I'm ready. Yeah.

Let's talk about like the first 20 times I tried having sex. Yeah, like the jar of peanut butter fell out of your hand. You couldn't get it to inflate? Yeah, I just had a small hole, I couldn't find the leak. It's an awesome laugh. No, I kept trying to jerk off before doing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you want to last longer?

Yeah, but then when I, but when I showed up, I couldn't perform. So you're, could you even get it out? So you got bad refrac? You got bad refrac to this day? I think it was a refrac and then a nerve situation. But I was so nervous. Refrac is affected by nerves. Busting phenomenally quick.

There's a lot of stuff media like fucked with our minds about. And I was like, I'll just jerk off right before and then I get there and then she's like, I can't do it And it happened ten times. That's crazy. You couldn't do it. Oh, sorry. You couldn't do the sex I couldn't do the sex. I thought you couldn't beat off. He had to get that part was easy every time Have you ever beat off and then like it is you didn't bust and you're just like, huh? I guess I don't got it today. Sometimes. One time. Yeah, I did it 24 times. One time. You remember it one time Yeah, cuz it only happened once and I was like, that's crazy. Sometimes just like yeah, you know what?

Cuz it was the one day I pushed it too far. I was like, okay I found out I can't be off this many times in a day. That was mine. Dude, when I was in high school I would get delayed morning wood and I'd always get it on the car ride to school And then I started carpooling with a friend who had a car and I didn't and I never told him that I always had a boner. Just turning up the music to shut the boner up. At some point I would start up tucking before I got in knowing it's going to eventually be hard. We're the same.

Soft penis in your belt. I'm like being like this with my hoodie on. It would be weirder if you said it, no? Yeah, it'd be weird to burn out. I'd be like, I'm hard right now Every day it's like he's like motor today. You're like boner today We had such a beautiful morning Dog is like is it a bones day?

God I think I told before yeah I would get on the bus in the morning and I still had to take the bus because my friend didn't, my friend was charging me to, my friend Eric, my best friend, he's like, dude, I don't want to keep picking you up. If you want to ride to school, it's $5. Gas money, bitch. I'm like, no. So I would take the bus because I have a car and I was a senior taking the bus, which was

pretty beat. And I would get on, there was this girl, Sam, who also took the bus. She was a junior and I would get a bon was this girl Sam who also took the bus She was a junior and I would get a trotter. No, she was beautiful I had a huge crush on her and I had a boner every day and it fucking sucked We're eating the boner because you would see her and she was so the bus he just walks in Caesar And it was fucking annoying because every time I have to awkwardly walk off the bus with this fucking wood And I was scared every day that she would see my boner. Someone should invent underwear for this. Boner underwear. Yes. Like boner killing underwear? Wait. Boner killing or boner hiding? It releases like a small gas. Chastity belt. Chastity belt. They got this. In your underwear to deflate your penis.

No, I'm not saying like to not have sex. I'm just saying to hide boners more effectively. No, but it's like chastity belts are made out of, you can get one made out of metal, you know? And that kind of handles the job. I guess if it was pushed into giant metal, it would just stop. You don't have a boner of steel. I had a theory today. A cage. I came up with a theory today,

and I think this is a good theory. All penis and vaginas, right? We're familiar with these concepts. I've heard of one of them. I at least know the first one. I wanna get rid of all its parts, and little labels, and little things. You want Barbie mode.

Everything. No, no, no. Everything. There's no penis. There's no shaft. There's no balls. It's all penis. Everything's the penis. Okay. For vagina. There's no one. There's no shaft. There's no balls.

It's all penis. He wants to get rid of the specific naming. The label. It's all the penis. So he doesn't want urethra or... So if I get kicked in the balls, I would now say I've been kicked in the penis. You've been kicked in the two penises. Yes, your penis.

I would say the penis, because it's all this. It's all penis. Wait, so we all have the same shit, but we just call it... It's all the penis. It's all the penis. It's not really a labeling thing. Do women have... No, no, no, no, great question.

Dubious pussies? Penises? So there's no labia, there's no like whatever else. There's no like, you know, Klaxon or Lego house. It's just vagina. We get rid of the gynecologists in this scenario. They're evil. But they have to read about penis.

They're evil beings. The gynecologist is fine. It's just called vagina. There's nothing else. I thought you were getting rid of vagina and doing all penis. No, it's for penises and vaginas. I was so on board with all penis and now I'm here. Can I update 2.0 of this idea? I think the vagina should become penis as well.

So they have penis. They have penis and we have penis. But then that would be gay. This is all based on consolidation. You're saying, let's make it simple. And we're saying, why not make it simpler? Why not drop the vagina? Because, guys, then having sex would be gay.

Well, no, you could just- And I'm not ready to do that. You could do the Japanese way. What's wrong with being gay? I'm not ready for it. Being gay? Not yet. You could do the Japanese way and just have penis, penis, but you say one the different

way. So it'd be like penis and then penis. Wait, what are you talking about? Intonations? Yes. What does it have? How does that work in Japanese? Like pitch accent in Japanese. For example, in Japanese, there's the word ko.

And so if you say toyoko, that means Toyo Lake. But if you say toyoko, same spelling. You said the same thing twice. That means Toyo Coast. Must be a coastline. Wow. I don't like that. Too ethnic.

Me when you're eating tahin? Must be a coastline. Wow. I don't like that. Too... ethnic. Me when you're eating Tahine? When there's a speck of red on one cantaloupe slice. Don't like that. Oh, I have a development I want to talk about. You know how Aiden hates, wants to like take one of the... like a dog owner in the coffee shop. Yeah. Yeah.

I've been, I've been... slowly transitioning to Aiden's side. But not because I have malice towards the dog. I hate the owner. Oh, it's always the owner's fault. No, no, no, no. You hate the dog. You hate the dog. You think the dog shouldn't be there. I want the dog to be here and I want the owner to leave. Interesting.

Okay, explain the interaction you had. Because I feel like the... I saw a lady yesterday at a restaurant I go to and she had a device that like- like gives her dog water. You know dogs drink water, they lap that shit up, it dribbles down their chin, it goes all the way all over the fucking floor. She's feeding the dog water

in the middle of the restaurant. And I'm like, this is not the dog's fault. The dog is just gonna do whatever the owner feeds it. But this fucking owner. Right. This owner just saying, yeah, I'm gonna do something like this and then everyone in the fucking way and I don't give a fuck. Yeah, it's kind of like, it's just dropping all this gear in the middle of the floor and being like, this is dog's zone. It's your zone now in the restaurant and everyone goes around you now.

That is bad. And I'm pissed off. And sometimes they're just wearing long socks and a headband. And I'm like, you're not running, pussy. What if someone's in the same position but they bend down and tie their shoe? Uh... What? I guess I see what you're saying, they're becoming an obstacle to the room.

In my head I'd probably silently think, what an annoying place to do that. They take seven minutes to do it. Oh, yeah, that's bad. An asshole. That's too much. But also, I'm like, by minute three, I'm like, would you like some help? They say, no, I want to learn the bunny ears

because I've been using Crocs all my life. I don't want to do it. I say, oh, no problem. And I walk past them. Recently, I started hating Crocs because I was sponsored by them. They unsigned me and I want to kill Croc. Yeah, OK. I want to kill John Croc.

So I'm learning how to tie a shoe. You're asking what I do? Yeah, I'm the guy. OK. I'd say, oh, I'm the guy. Okay. I'd say, no problem sir. I'd walk by you and then I'd turn back around. I'd silently step and you wouldn't hear me coming. God, I don't want to fucking kill him. I'd grab you from behind.

I'd start choking you. Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze. I whisper to you, it's over, don't worry, it's over. And then eventually you would die. That guy you killed was Ludwig. No. Ludwig who you killed was Ludwig. No! Ludwig who? That's like... Me.

Ludwig? Ogrin? You got dropped by Crocs? Yeah, you know this. I don't know this. Oh, Crocs dropped me. Why? Because...

Well, it's because of what you had been saying on stream. Yeah, that's when I said I voted Kamala. They must have done something bad. What did Crocs do to you? They dropped me. It was it because of the Wigwig? It's because Kelby can't juggle his, you know, all the clients at his job very well because of you. Because of his red neck.

Me. I'm the reason. His next to red. Yeah, right. I didn't do shit. No, they just they dropped because of Maybe it was DEI. Oh, dude when Trump removed DEI they got rid of me cuz I'm Latinx They finally cracked down You would cause you know what you have been coasting too long on that shit Curse the fucking Trump administration Am I wrong? You know what? You have been coasting too long on that shit. Curse the fucking Trump administration.

Am I wrong? My account looks butt ugly. Everyone's in the red. Guys like me who don't really understand, I guess I do understand the stock market. I just don't, it's, I'm too lazy to touch it. I've kind of won. I've been checking the stock market competition we're in. Oh yeah, how bad is it?

Zippor, can you go to DougDougDoug? So we started at $10,000 each, right? DougDougDoug killed himself by soldering. It's DougDoug.com slash stocks. I'm down, I think, almost a grand, and I'm in second out of the five of us. Wow. That's tough.

Is first place up or no? No way, right? So this is the competition. Yeah, Atriarch is the only one who's up. Five people put in 10K, three people are down $1 a thousand dollars Aiden's down 500 a trucks up 500 I love to see stands in the I would be doing so much better, so I'm down 1,200 Q scroll down to mine. I'm down a thousand two hundred and

755 of it is Trump Portfolio is so funny. It's like a child's Perception of the world I got Kroger and Nintendo Yeah, they're all doing great Only thing that's really fucking me right now is Trump coin. I lost $775 Look at Stan Lockheed Martin Terrorist group

Read it. Yes, he's a good pick. Wow. I just like I just like I just know about them What about like a Lockheed Martin lunchable or lunchly? Lockheed Lockheed Martin d dildo has rocket jet fueled powers to thrust in you Martin rocket money Colap rockets are the dildos of war Rockets the dildos of war nope. Yeah, I think that's right your dildo shaped. That's right, but they're not They pleasure the side that fires them no, but is that that's not where it ends. They're not pleasuring each side. They pleasure the side that fires them No, but is that that's not how dildos work

I'd argue they're primarily for the pleasure of the receiver. I guess the side that fires them is the company that makes the dildo It's a bad ad. I fold. Can I ask you guys a question? I saw this video and it got me curious. We each have a full day To scour LA. Who's the most famous person you think you find? The most famous person? The other day I saw Kristen Stewart and who else I say, I think I told you guys.

Yeah, you told us someone else. Kristen Stewart and. I forget. Keane Peel, no? Yes. Jordan Peel. Jordan Peel on the same day. OK, but that was no effort and that was I forget. Keem Peel, no? Yes. Jordan Peel? Jordan Peel on the same day. Okay, but that was no effort. And that was no effort. And that was no effort.

That was just, I went to a restaurant. So peak effort. Huh? Peak effort. Peak effort, who's the most famous? Mm-hmm. It's gotta be an actor. How close can you get to, do you have to get to them to have seen them?

I think you have to get a pic with them. Yeah, so, yo, yo, get a picture. You can't fly a drone above the house of Jeff Bezos and spot him. We see Jack Black a lot. We could see him. He comes up. He's in the Minecraft movie. But he's low. He's an A-list actor. He was in Bowser. He's incredibly good in the Minecraft movie.

I think he's low, yeah. I said what I said. You think he's low on the list? Should I say it again? Do you think Bowser's low? I'm shocked. Bowser is high. Who else do you think he is? Bowser the list? Should I say it again? Do you think Bowser's? I'm shocked. Bowser is high. Who else is higher than Jack Black? Who are like the in your head? Who are like the sorry, do you know? Yeah, you're right. Celebrities. You're right.

Uh, Leo, Brad Pitt. Leo lives here. I think so. No, Leo doesn't live here. They're too hard to see. It does. I would feel like I couldn't see them. I would dangle a 25 year old woman off a fishing pole and the pier Yeah, and he'd pop his head out of an air wand

LeBron, Shohei Marlon, yeah, basketball players? Yeah, LeBron, he's famous, Shohei Shohei, Shohei can't even go to fucking, he can't even go to the damn 7-Eleven Yeah, Jack Black is more famous than Shohei Otani. Stop, stop, he fucked it up. On your mama? Do you believe that? On my mama? No way. She's so nice. You just killed her. You killed her dead. God he did not mean what he said. Bro he was not to Libre. Chohei hit a ball. Chohei hit a ball. So, wait, hit a ball far? Yeah, right.

It's because you didn't go to Japan this last time. And Jack Black's been famous for like fucking like 20 years. No, longer. The longer you're famous, the lower, the less famous you are. Nope. That's dumb. No, I think Jack Black has done a good job at staying relevant though. Because like Elvis has been famous for like 80 years, but he is less famous now. Elvis is more famous than Shohei Otani's less famous now famous than Shohei Otani

I'm saying Elvis is less famous now than he was he's still more famous than Shohei like 30 years ago and your Example, okay, I just don't This case I think Jason the ween does not know who the fuck Elvis presses. That's crazy. Don't mean that Call up Jason. You know this is wrong. I genuinely don't know this is wrong. I genuinely don't know this is wrong. He ain't cutie bro. She's not picking up. He's not picking up. I have to ask a question that's not do you know who Elvis Presley is.

Why? That's exactly what the question is though. I think this is fair. Because he'll just say yes, right? Because he'll have heard the name before. So you have to say who sang this song. And we gotta pick the most famous Elvis song. But that's not the spirit of the question. You have to do an impression.

You have to do an impression. It wasn't, will he recognize an Elvis song? Yeah, I'll try that. I'll say, do you know who this is? No, I'll say Johnny Braga. And I can also give him a song. I'll also give him a song. Yep, you gotta do both.

Is he streaming? Because that's cheating too. I don't know. Here's the compromise. If he doesn't know the first cheating too. I don't know. Here's the compromise. If he doesn't know the first song, you have to do another. What's Elvis song? Ain't nothing but a hound dog.

Ain't nothing but a hound dog and blue Christmas, right? What's the Spotify? I can't even name. We'll do the Spotify top two. What's that? Let me see. Spotify top two.

I talked to this guy earlier. He doesn't know where Aruba is. That's a shit in the- he's live. Gale House Rock. Hello? Yo, what up man? How you doing? I can't fuck with you no more. I'm sorry. What?

I can't fuck with you no more. You're my wife apparently. I can't fuck with you. Cause I'm what? Cause you're white. Yeah, I'm white. What are you- I'm barely white. No. No, you're definitely white. I can't fuck with you. Cause I'm- I'm. What do you I'm barely white. No, no, you're definitely why. I'm selling out to you. I'm Latin X.

Oh, yeah. My chill. Yeah, yeah. OK, you're cool. What's up, though? I just had a question. Do you know, do you know that old singer, the guy who is like, oh, yeah, it's fine. That's fine. I just want to hear that old. The name of that old singer is like, ain't nothing but a hound.

That guy like, hey, mama. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, who's that? Uh, I don't know, but I would walk in the cracker barrel and that song would be playing. Don't call me that. Elvis, don't call me that. Did you reach out? Be real. Yeah, I did. No way. See you, man.

See you, man. No way. This is cool, man. I gave that dub to Ludwig. He read chat. He did not know the name. Because he clearly was like, oh yeah, I've heard it, I think. And then he read chat.

So what I'm saying is like, yeah, you're right that he knows of Elvis. Yes, that's what I mean. But like, we're at the level. This is the same debate as Trump versus the Pope. And what I'm saying is similar. I'm saying Jason's kids will not know Elvis Presley. They probably will. No, they won't.

Because I think there's certain artists that within the conversational zeitgeist are still known, right? Like Michael Jackson will probably be very famous for a long time. Yeah, but Jackson is a different level. Jackson's a different, above Elvis yeah, but I think Elvis is similar. Like there's just certain artists that will be... I think the issue is Elvis music blows now. Yeah, I mean I'm not a big Elvis fan.

It just sucks ass. Elvis has got a couple of bags. Elvis is fine. Yeah sure, but most of his music blows. Elvis is like the white show. Hey, Otani Yeah, I'm thinking about it and I want you to share your Can I hit you the counter can I explain what I see? He he stole from another people's culture And did it and did it the most famous thing did it the most famously. And did it the most famously.

Okay, but okay. Done deal. Do you think Elvis did it the best? No, I don't. So Shohei did it. That's what it is. You know what's funny is I was going to say it, but I didn't believe that Elvis did it the best. Shohei did the best.

So I would call Elvis the Luca Don chitchat music. He's fat? Yep. Good as fat? Yeah. Yup. Good as shit and fat. Alright, we're not having Luca on the show. Shout out my boy Luca real shit. He's not supposed to make a wish game, bro. He's not having this on the show.

I'm fat too. He's seen Love Over a Second Time. Your hair is coming back in. Yeah, wow, you beat it. Wow, good job. You did it. Two Europeans who love a little bit of nicotine and getting a little thick. That's what we are. Oh, cheeseburger Donchich.

I can't believe he didn't know Elvis. How old is he? 20. Oh, right. And so what I'm saying is like he knows of Elvis. His kids won't know of us at all. At all. No, that's bold.

Unless it like comes up. But why would it come up? The core of it. But in the same way that we learned about Elvis. The core of the argument we had about same way that we learned about Elvis. The core of the argument we had about Trump and the Pope was what is fame? Is it knowing of having heard of something or like really knowing a certain threshold about that person? Yeah, I think he knows.

And we have to define that in this conversation like we did in that one. Celebrities that live in Austin. Oh, perfect. Johnny Depp. Miley Cyrus. Drake. This is just wrong. This is wrong, right? Yeah, for sure. It's like incredibly wrong. Well, Drake? This is just wrong. This is wrong, right? Yeah, for sure. It's like, incredibly wrong.

Well, this ain't- I think it's just a fucking article to spam clicks, probably. By the way, guys- Whoa! What? What? What? That's crazy! There's no way! Wait, that's cra-

Did you inspect elements in there? No, he did that. You did? That's crazy! I knew instantly. No way. I fell for it. We felt it. We felt it.

We felt it. We were coughing off. Zypper pulled up an article of celebrities that live in LA and it's like Steven Spielberg, Ellen DeGeneres, Taylor Swift, and the number 20 was Ludwig Hagrid. Oh my god. That got me so bad. I got fucked. You're a little prankster. You my god. That grabbed me so bad. I got f**ked.

You're a little prankster. You little b**ch. Wow. Clean zipper. He dropped some freaking lols over here. I forgot what I was gonna say now. I'm so happy. Gagged.

Well, I... It's like an awesome celebrity. We were talking about the most famous person we could run into if we tried really hard. Yeah. And I could confidently say I could run into Jack Black. Jack Black was also mine. I'd poke Jack Black. If we're scouring everywhere.

You get a whole day to scour, yeah. Is Adam Sandler more famous than Jack Black? Is Jack Black bigger than Playboy Cardi? Is Jack Black... You can run into Cardi? No. I think Playboy Cardi would be considered... Because I think what you would do is you wouldn't look you

Look at Google search now You'd look at Google Trends now and Jack Black's just low. I don't have to tell you Are you sure? Are you sure? Right now it's probably high Adam Sandler doesn't live here? Adam Sandler doesn't live here He lives in New York He plays basketball in LA all the time

He lives in Boston. No he lives East Coast He lives East Coast I don't confidently know this much about Adam Sandler Apparently he just goes to a court that my friend goes to pretty often. He's probably filming here. Your turn, your friend's a liar. Okay, Playboy Cardi, Jack Black and the... The winner is?

Wait, which one's which? Jack Black, wow, way more. Wait, what? Historically too, right? This ain't the right Playboy Cardi. Wait, how do you spell it? Who is the other Playboy Cardi? Because it's got to be the...

You got to click American Rapper, yeah, and then Jack Black you got to click... Top 10? Yeah, top 10. I think that's the right Playboy Cardi. Wait, how do you spell it? Who is the other Playboy Cardi? You gotta click American Rapper, yeah. And then Jack Black you gotta click... Topic. Or American actor and comedian, is that fine as well? Yeah, American actor.

Oh my god. What the fuck was that? That's probably the Minecraft movie. Or maybe when he got cancelled. No, yeah, it was when he fucking he turned his back on Kyle Gas Cage. That's probably what it was. He turned his back on Rage Cage. That was when Jablinski games came out.

Jack Black's a bad answer. I'm forgetting L.A. celebrities. Dude, I think I just couldn't confidently find anybody else, you know? Like, I don't I feel like there's a tier of like. Where would you where would you here? Where would you go? Airport instantly? No. Frame one. I feel like there's a tier of like the- Where would you, where would you, here, where would you go? Airport instantly. No!

Frame one. I found out some secret shit of the airport. No, would you go to the- The most famous people- No, you would go to the van, the van eyes. The most famous people are flying private though. No. Yeah. No, you know what they're doing?

Because private's expensive in a way that, like, some people do it for sure, but like it's kind of a waste of money. So a lot of famous actors are, they go to this place in LAX called like suites, maybe LAX suites, something like that. It's a terminal, it's a secret terminal with a secret security that you can pay an annual membership to get in. What?

Yeah, it's like five to $10,000 a year. And it's only these people who are allowed to go through this terminal and they like get you a car. You do this in and out. No, I just found out about this. You just got let in the club. We made an airport. Why is that something?

And we trapped yardport. You are the yard airlines. Dude, if we made an airport, would we be allowed to like airport? Bomb jokes allowed. Yeah, that's no. Isn't that kind of what private airports like that when you fly on like JSX and you don't go through security, you can probably make a bomb joke at the. You know, it's up to the pilot.

I don't think you can. I feel like it's an FAA thing, maybe. Or TSA thing. There are agencies, oppressive ones that stop our freedoms right at the gate. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. Don't lock me up for saying this.

If you go to the Amtrak station and you make a joke about a bomb. Do they get as huffy as they would at an airport? Not even close. No, they're just happy that Amtrak is just chill that you're like, ah, at least you're riding. They say, they say. If you're going it. They say it. They say it. If you're gonna have a bomb, please store it above.

Please sit in the bomb area. Also you can, we have sleeper cars for only $50 a night. Like, I don't know. Dude, I watched the movie Just Married with Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy, rest in peace? Pretty sure with my dad on a train and he was bitching the whole time he couldn't hear anything. It was so fucking miserable.

Every every four minutes. I can't hear anything. It's like, dude, who the fuck cares? They're not going to change it. They haven't changed it. They're not going to change it for you. I was so dude, what an asshole. Here's the thing.

I do this. Rest in peace. Huh? I do. I realize I do this. Like when I'm an old person, people are going to feel about me the way you feel about this interaction. Oh.

Because I just say what I'm feeling in the moment and I say it every five minutes. What's this? It's just married. I did already say it. Number 15. I think this is our most returned to episode yet. Yeah. Yeah, it's the callback. Welcome to the clip show episode.

I also realize I make a lot of noises. Yeah, when you eat. Yeah, duh, what? Like more than most people. No, I mean, like, like noises when I get. That's what you sound when you ate when you ate that plastic or something. That's what you sound when you ate that plastic or living in a boat. What does that make? You're like...

... ... That's funny, this would be a little disrespectful. Why? The way you're... You sound like you're weeping when you eat snacks. I don't sound like I'm weeping. But you're so happy to be eating.

Yeah, I am. ... I don't sound like a hurt dog. You're making the noise of a hit dog. Boo! You're making the noise that dogs make when they're around you. That's how you sound, bro. I make noises when I get up and sit down.

UGH! Yeah. Yeah. Like old person noises. Yeah, that's good. Those are good noises. Like dad grunts. Like 80 year old getting out of a chair making a fucking car engine sound noise. Can you make, what's like a French version of that sound? Uh, of like what? Getting up? Getting down to the chair, what do they do in French? They go, they go, they go, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, umph, um I want to make a business. I want to make it. I want to start something.

Can we start a business? Look, the airport is the TSA precheck yard, Patriots up. Oh, dude, we get the most normie people being like, what the fuck are they talking about? Why are these two gay men naked in a bath? I can fuck you. Tier comes with global entry. Yeah. And if you get on the plane in flight entertainment, the whole backlog.

Honestly, podcasts are great for planes. We make plane content. This is one of my dreams is I want to get the yard on Delta Airlines. That'd be tough. I want to be able to market. I'll put the logo on our logo. That's doable. I want to do it.

They have podcasts. I know. Yeah, we can get there. For real. Call her daddy. Do you think we got to license our whole bloodline and our kids? I think if you gave it through a low We be killed and like like if we said something bad about Boeing you think we'd get lumped in I

Wonder if they would edit out our ever like if we get on there. I'm gonna say horrendous shit. Yeah, it's going down Yeah, yeah, yeah guy in front of you has a bomb It's like we're doing a normal a normal podcast and then was like hey, it's the voice He's telling you to go to the cockpit. We do. We do. His turbulence is not normal. His turbulence is not normal. All right, we make an episode and we record

a complete rebuild of like an in-flight message. It makes the beep and then it's like it's pausing your show you're watching. It's like, excuse me, passengers, the plane is going down. Please, brace for impact. We don't tell Delta We get it uploaded and eventually someone listens to it. We get like a stewardess to do the voiceover for that And then we see on the news that a local freak out do the yard podcast Yeah guy well he the guy thinks that he's going to be going down so he starts beating off

Yeah, he starts beating off. It's the last thing you do. It's not the worst last thing you could do No, but if you're in a plane going down and physics don't matter. Yes. You can accomplish whatever you'd like. What are you trying to get done? Here's the issue. Here's the issue. There's actually only one I thought about it. The only issue of beating off as a plane is going down is if it doesn't crash. And there's your there's a whole mall rats like scene about this.

And what would happen as as described in the scene is the plane writes itself, right? Everything goes back to normal. Everyone just puts all their shit away. No one says anything about it. That's what would happen. What if you bug? It's fine. Clean it up.

But it's like it's as if nothing happened because that's the kind of social fabric we need for society to work. I think I'd like, I wouldn't have service, right? I might have Wi-Fi. I'm on a long flight. Depends how low you are too. I wouldn't turn off airplane mode. You're not supposed to. The Mythbusters already beat that one, so. Did they? Yeah. Big time.

I've been watching Mythbusters on shorts. Some of them were dumb as hell. Which ones are dumb? The myth they were like as hell. It was like, you can the myth they're like they propagated was apparently there's this myth that you can swim faster in syrup than you can in regular water. And I'm like, no one's ever said that. No way that I know.

I was like, no one's ever said this ever. Yeah, and then they made a pool full of syrup and pool full of water. And the syrup was slower. They put that baddie in there in a swimsuit, huh? It was just a goon episode. It was Adam who swam. And then who's other who's big boy? Jamie. Jamie swam.

But he swam so slow that he didn't do the syrup one. They're like, he'll just die. Yeah. This man will sink. He's not a good swimmer. Began a syrup on the balls. You know, they were friends. I guess. Did you know they were friends? I guess. Did you know it?

Did you know Will Smith and Lewis was in the opening of Matrix Sprout? Longer it's out. Stronger! Do you know the 4B1R podcast never talk when the podcast isn't recorded? Imagine. That'd be a fun room to start. Did you make that up? I found out, unfortunately, that I have small balls.

We brought this up. Yeah. Yeah, we brought this up. Yeah. In the episode? Yes. I'm sorry. I found out, unfortunately, that I have small balls. We brought this up. Yeah, we brought this up. Yeah. In the episode? Yes. I'm sorry. I thought we didn't talk about it. We have nothing.

This is the right episode to do that. Sometimes they forgive us. Let's talk about your tiny balls. No one? Have you, have you, um... When did we talk about it? Can you show me again? That was the post-episode?

Was it post-ep? Oh yeah, it was. It was the, it was the primo. Thank you. So... No, no, it wasn't even in the primo Oh it was post-episode? Thank you Zipper We weren't here Real life and podcasts are just starting to blend together

Apparently I have small balls And you guys didn't tell me anything about it Don't do that motion Show pup, why? Because it's like fighting and you're going to punch me Yeah it's like what Morpheus. You want to see my balls? Do you guys want to see my ball? I don't care. I voted.

I saw your balls over this way over an hour recently. So anyway, this theory comes because slime has called everyone's balls big. And we were all like, I don't think we have that big. We're digging in. He's called. He called. He called my balls big. He called Aiden's balls big. and we think he actually says tiny balls That was so violent. Oh, I saw your penis. Wait. Where are they? Yeah pull them out. Just kidding. I'm just kidding You're doing this in the weirdest way possible. I feel like it's like you're digging them out of a cookie jar

And you can't get your balls are fine, dude. They're Tiny Dude, your balls are fine. Dude, they're tiny. They're abnormal. Ball balls. They're abnormal. They're tiny, bro. They're kind of big. I'm looking at... They didn't even move.

They didn't even move. Don't say anything. They didn't even move. Don't say anything. They didn't even move. They're static. Are they glued? No, I think it's the sack that's small.

I think the nuts are fine. Something small there. So basically... You may have tight sack. I was on, I was streaming and I was talking about, yeah, balls are shaped like grapes. And everyone in chat was like, what the fuck are you talking about? It was like in four year, Fruz, yeah, tits are like bags of sand. And I was like, no.

And so I'm like, wait, what am I being gaslit? And I'm like, stop the jokes. Everyone be serious with me. And I pull up a picture of green grapes Like the fairly large green grapes plumper another Japanese ones not like the whomp or fucker ones But like, you know the ones at the store and I'm like, these are my balls and everyone is like they're bigger than grapes Balls are bigger than grapes. No, like his were bigger than great. Perfect that third one. No, no his is the third one Those are my balls. Yeah real. Yeah, I think you're right. That is the third one. They're a bit small Those are my balls. The bottom middle one. Those are my balls. They're a bit small. Your pistachios are a little tiny.

So your Aiden and Ludwig's balls are fucking massive. No, they're regular. They're regular balls. Your balls, you're looking at mine You're like those are normal. Maybe the same balls. No, I pulled them out on the show. I don't remember. And you said I remember you went Their balls are huge See your friends forage dick that's insanely big Because when we shot the onsen primo and we're we're naked and he's like he's like But what's it like having force get pull it pull it back. No, yeah And I was like I did this for you already on the show memory. But it's like, do you remember what it was like the first time it was so red?

I think I really I think it's a sack thing. What there is a there's a there's a clip of your sack looks like it's vacuum. Like all the air is pulled out. Yeah, you got a sous vide sack. Think about what you did. You go get it. You got a sous vide sack. Think about what you did. You cooked that shit. You need to pan fry it after. You need to see it.

You need to see it. Right, yeah. It's going to be so gross otherwise. There's a clip of me showing my balls to Ludwig on stream when I made that compilation like way back. And Ludwig's like streaming is like old days. And he turns and he's like, oh, they're so droopy. Why are your balls so droopy?

And I thought he was just being cruel. Yeah. But truly call like I seize it. You called it like you seized it. So anyway, guys, right into the show, if you have balls the size of grapes, I could use some support because I'm feeling like I don't feel I just feel like you guys should have told me. I just during the wax episode, you stared at my balls for as long as you could. We tried not to look to be clear.

Oh, my God. I tried to look anywhere else besides the thick, gooey pieces of hairy wax coming out of your ass. It was genuinely a tough watch. Some of it was out of my ass. A lot of it was out of your ass. To be fair, that was the parts I watched the most. A surprising amount was out of your shaft. Yeah. fair, that was the parts I watched the most. A surprising amount was out of your shaft. Yeah. Yeah.

Dude, it grows so far up. It does. It kind of pisses me off. You're shit like an evergreen tree. Yeah. It's like a Douglas fir. Anyway, that's why I wanted to bring that up. I want to be vulnerable. I can't think about these conversations. Think about how many beautiful words we use to label the different parts of this area.

And you want to commodify it all into penis? I see the plan. Pull out the penis. I don't have small balls, I have normal penis. I have penis. You dog. You mean to mislead us. Control the language, control the information. This is how this shit works. It's so hard to communicate, I want to pull out my balls but not my shafts in that scenario. I want to pull out my, I guess you could say lower penis, but then what are we doing? I want to pull out my penis but not my penis. I want to pull out some of my penis. But then which part?

I just don't know. Well then you see it. It's context, right? It's like congee. It's like congee. What area? What's up? Would you like to see some of it? Just a vague amount of my penis?

It's like a, what are those like old AI nothing images? Uh, I got YouTube partner. Yo, off a one fucking, off a one shit. I mean it hits like 100k, no? Shit. You're the real deal. I gotta make an absence account mad sense again in the dream like seven Dollars maybe I guess is nice you should get a plaque all you got two hundred K subs I'll get I'll order my plaque you order yours

Oh, you think if we asked for more subs on the yard podcast we'd get them yeah, it's already thing Love it. Do your best You guys good. We'd have to put in the beginning. Subscribe to win a Lamborghini. Do you- Whoa! Is that allowed?

Is it allowed to lie? Yeah, why not? Okay. Subscribe to win a Lamborghini. That's right. You can win a Lamborghini. Subscribe. Aren't you a picture of a Lamborghini?

You could win this. I won't pay for it. But don't say if or anything like that. They're like separate statements. You could win this. I won't pay for it. But don't say if or anything like that. Just either like separate statements. You could win. You could win a Lamborghini. Subscribe to the Art Podcast. That's legal.

Yeah. So good luck. Why you want to hit a mill? I want to I want to hit a fucking crazy number. Like what number? What's a crazy number? Two million. OK, all right. It's a little higher than most. What's this? What? How it's the plaque order? number 2 million what's this what how it's the plaque order what's the plaque what the plaque order what do you it's what's the milestone

oh 100k a million 10 million 50 million hundred million 10 yeah with the foot surely a pit stop at five no one gives a fuck about five what's quiet up about five did you tweet about? I tweeted about every meal. Oh, no one cares that Okay, Twitter's different. You don't tweet out people Twitter's different You don't tweet about things people care about that's what the site's for It's people things people don't care about famously Wow So when I said I don't like top of TO but, but I get top Tio. Did you talk about that tweet too much?

No! Oh, you spilled dubber? It's fine, it's the plastic version. Yeah, cool. Just undeniably worse. I don't like this new soy Topo Chica that you put in the office. He doesn't care. He can use his phone as much as he wants, this counts too.

He took it, oh he took it out. How many? Oh. Bro, why? It's a penis episode. It's just not necessary. It's just so unnecessary. Because it means that he spends more. I don't want to see the pee.

Then don't look. I do. You're going to bring it over here. Would I rather drink Ludwig's pee or that broth? That's a good question. I just. Maybe it's pee. I'm so. Oh, my God, it's brown good question. The broth! Maybe it's because we pee. I'm so bored. Oh my god it's brown like broth. Dude, do they not give you water at State Farm Gamerhood? No, Coca-Cola only. Dude, you're going for so long.

Are you gonna fill the bottle? I hate when you do. I hate when you pee in a bottle and you're like, I don't have enough bottle. This sucks. Dude, that's what I said last time. Z said last time. I feel like three cups when I did this. Oh, I have one. I have one. Jog it, Jog it. Go, chug, chug, chug. Oh, get it all down. Get under there. Get under there.

Dude, can you are you going to be able to switch? He said, I think I'm going to think I'm good. No, I'm not. Oh, oh. Is it warm? You're closing it. Close it. Seal it now. Wait, it's actually pretty clear. Yeah, you got great pain.

That's good. You can show that. Aiden, come show it. It might as well be topo chico. That's really clear! Dude, do you know what this feels like? It feels like the coffee you get out of the vending machines in Japan. In Japan, yeah! It's like game boss suits. Relax, bro. Let me hold it.

No, no, don't bring it near me. I don't want to make a freaking mess. I'm not going to touch it. He doesn't like it being that close. How much went in that one? Dude, that's so much piss! He wasn't lying. He had a lot of piss to touch. That is funny.

Dude, that's like 24 ounces of piss. I was telling you, usually I hold it in, but I really had a lot on me. I drink so much when I'm there. You're a hydrated man, and you're a hydrated fan. I wanna drink this, but I keep thinking of the pee. No drink so much when I'm there. You're a hydrated man and you're a hydrated fan. I want to drink this but I keep thinking of the pee. No, his pee isn't bubbly. Imagine though. Swap it out David Blaine style.

That's my urine now. Are we running out of juice? No. No, it's just the fact that we had to pod four days apart. I can talk about my juice pan trip. It's over! It's over and it's all posted now. What's the rosebud

rosebud thorn we're getting a new stem or whatever what was the stem? I like stem rosebud stem rosebud stem stem thorn no it's rose stem thorn my stem stem thorn I think I think my rose was the Japanese people. Okay. I'm sorry. Finish it out so strong. Come on! Alright. Come on, guys!

And we're back. We're unraveling at the seams. So who do you think is more famous? Who do you think is more famous? The Pope or Trump? Ludwig made us pod. Made us shingles. It's crazy because when we went to trash days and they podded so many episodes in a row,

I'm like, these guys got gassed for days,. We could not do that. We're just we're just empty shells But our version of it Let's talk about what have you been watching documentaries? No, I don't watch those anymore. What did you give up on it? I learned it all Is melee? true I don't even watch those anymore. What? Did you give up on it? I learned it all. Our anime is Melee. It's true. Talk about the fuck. If we talked about Melee, it would be the worst podcast ever.

Yeah, it'd be like any Melee podcast, which are all bad. Bad Melee was good. Bad Melee was good. But it was because we didn't talk about Melee. Did you guys get baited on the Nintendo Switch 2 reveal, thinking it was another Smash game? No. Which one?

The Kirby one? What was the bait for the Smash? No, because I know that motherfucker loves Kirby and he made Kirby. It was like Kirby falling in a black sky on the star. I thought it was a Smash reveal. Oh. I did not. Was it just a new Kirby game? I didn't see that.

It was Kirby Air Ride, which I loved. That's what I would have thought. Wait, is it Kirby Air Ride, like a new Kirby Air Ride? Kirby Air Rider. Did you not watch it? No, I didn't watch it. it Kirby era like a new Kirby era? Kirby era. I know. Watch a writer. No, I didn't sit down for an hour and watch a direct. No, do you know I was watching the direct in public on my phone? Like I was like eating at like an outdoor little place. I was eating. I was watching this.

I never watched the direct and I get a text from Alex that says, and we got switches to and this is a place that I mean, Alex, both go to so much. We run into each other and I was like, oh, he's behind I, I, me and Alex both go to so much we run into each other. And I was like, oh, he's behind me. I turn around and he's not there. He just sent me that. When I happened to be watching the director, I watched it like a day after. He said, let's go. I was just like, are you here? Switches 2 is so good. I was so confused. I hate when Alex is fucking funny, bro. He revels in it. He's like, yeah, I bet you fucking are pissed I got viewers too.

And it's like, no, I'm not pissed you have a viewer. What the fuck are you talking about? It makes you so fucking mad. It makes you so mad right on top. He hugged me on mushrooms the other day. He's like, I bet you didn't like when I hugged you, huh? I'm like, yes, I did. What the fuck?

Do you guys think that Melee 2, or not Melee, Melee HD will come in the Gamecube collection? No, they're not gonna push it. The actual answer is that because the game is old and it has so many pieces of like, I know Nintendo is the publisher for all those games, but there's a bunch of old licenses in studios that they have to make deals with to like re-release a game like that. That's a lot harder to re-release than like a game that they own entirely. I think if they did it, it would just play like shit. And also I think it would be bad for like the scene to like re-release that game anyway.

I guess if it came out, I think like no one would play it. Who's not casual. Like no competitive people would play on it. Because we have it already. Doesn't the console have embedded lag on purpose? Yeah. That would fuck the whole thing up. It would just be for casuals. I am excited.

My little Nintendo soy-cuck came out. I got excited. I was like, oh wow, 120 FPS? And a new Mario Kart. I can't wait to play Breath of the Wild over seven years and make 20% progress on this thing. I preordered it. I preordered it. I did. And it's only $90. Dude, do you guys want to video chat and have terrible audio quality and play Mario Kart?

Dude, me and Zunar were talking about that. The camera and the microphone on the console. Will they have a FaceTime? Absolutely miserable. Talking about that the camera and the microphone on the console like Call feature that's modeled exactly after discord. Yeah, I literally thought it was a discord plug-in they're announcing That's what I thought like oh, it looks exactly a discord weird and then yeah, they have a you can you can you can video call, right? Yeah, yeah, you know, you know and then it integrates into games like you give an example It's like people playing Mario Party, and then if all the Mario Party people are playing Camera then the face cam is like overlaid on the separate camera. It is green screened. Yeah So you can like stream your own game that you're playing that's a yeah And Faye. Faye's bad as fuck, I'm not gonna lie about it. Dude, chill! Faye's bad!

What are these names? Can a man not say Faye's bad anymore? Listen, I hate, and maybe this makes me just a stupid grump, but in every Nintendo commercial, obviously, because it's so clean and crisp, no one is ever pissed that they're losing the game. And it's like, that's just not the way this shit works. People lose in Mario Kart and they're fucking sad and they don't talk. No, they have fun.

Like everyone is so... They're having a great time. Faze is having a good time. I hate how it's so sanitized. Go back to that one guy. Go back to like two guys. I just want one guy to be like kinda pissed. I want the direct but they're playing Mogie Louch.

Yeah, bro. I wanna squeeze fuming. I wanna the direct but they're playing Mogie Lounge. Yeah bro. I wanna close him with that guy. Of Pat? Can you give me a hat wobble and Pat dancing? Dude, you can look at the outfits dude! I'm a Nintendo soy cock! I've never seen anyone who looks like Pat. It's like they found a white man who is 5% Japanese.

Wait, he kinda looks like Liam. The white Liam? Liam's half Asian. I don't know, man. I don't think Liam. Is he half Asian? Some percent Asian. There's Asian in him.

He's got a bit of Asian. Nick discovers a racial marriage. Get the calipers out. Look, he's gorgeous. They're always so happy. He's like a happy Liam. What was your guys' roses, stems, and thorns in the direct? Okay, am I the only one who thinks that wheelchair game looks awesome?

I have no idea what you're talking about. It's like Rocket League, but you're in a wheelchair. For like a disabled person in a wheelchair? Sure, yeah. You play the game with the Joy-Con, and you go like this? And they have like one of those wheelchairs, like they did with a skateboard. This is the game. Actually, they have like a control you can sit in.

No, it's the joycon. The joycon bro. You place them on the ground. But yeah, bring up this game. Let me see, let me see. I've never seen. Switch wheelchair basketball. Well, like Alex, our friend was saying, if it was seven dollars on Steam, game of the year. It's 80 dollars. It looks fun was saying, if it was $7 on Steam, game of the year.

It's $80. It looks fun. Yeah, but it's like go to like the middle. What? It's like wheelchair robots. It's just Rocket League. I like how the robots because it also implies that they're not disabled in any way. They're just built that way. They're for sure disabled because they got legs and they're not using them. The robots? Yeah, look at they have legs.

Yeah, this is definitely. Yes, they do. They have legs and feet. It's just people in like, I don't know, storm the capital gear. I think they're, dude, imagine if everyone who was on January 6th was just in wheelchairs. Maybe this was made by a handicapped January 6th rider.

Whatever happened to going to play real wheelchair basketball? Wait, there's other courts with other people playing. Get outside. It's probably like NBA Street. Yeah, it's like, it's like uh... But they had names over their heads. Damn! Dude the dunk at the end of this video is sick. Can you just skip forward?

This looks like shit. This looks like fun. It looks terrible. You're crazy that this looks cool. It does look like that. Dude that's cool. You're mad. I don't wanna play that bad.

I saw that and everyone was thinking about it, and I was like, this looks awesome. That's Asher Mares 2.0. Guess what, bro? We're rich, so we can play it. Yay! But like, shit. Imagine you get a Switch 2.0 for Christmas, and that game only. If you're a little kid. Dude, it's over.

You're a fucking joke. I'd be like... Instead of Mario or Zelda or something actually fucking interesting. And it came with the console? Well, yeah, your mom got you a Switch 2a and the $80 wheelchair game. Yeah, I know, you'd be lame. That's the kind of shit his mom would get at me. They can't have violence.

I just don't like that there's a cow driving a motorcycle in the other room. I can't help myself that I'm excited. I'm excited. They released they put cow in Mario Kart and I said, yes, I buy. I like it. I like it. Game looks fun. I didn't even see that. I didn't see anything but Mario Kart. I hate how DK looks. Does that make me old?

Wait, you don't like that? That's not actually DK, is it? Is that DK? Yeah, yeah. They changed his look. Yeah, they took away the rare DK that I kind of like the new look. You're dumb. You're fucking shit. I do you're disgusting chill. Wait, I'm a disgusting chill Why are you doing the Asiago? I love bananas though. He has personality now How come none of that?

The fuck he always has a personality, you're insane. Yeah, dude. He's a leader of the fucking bunch. Am I crazy? Yeah, this isn't You're like one of his personalities He's got a little personality He's got a little flavor. He just kind of looks more like a, more of a, he's like more bitch made now. Like I don't remember Donkey Kong ever being so scared and like sq-twine. Twine? He used to be like kind of Chad, like, rrrr. Oh my god.

Wait, have you ever seen it? The Donkey Kong I know is confident all the time. I think they just made him young and a bitch. Real? Dude. That's why you like him? Yeah. They DI Donkey Kong. Dude. Shit. They made him scared? real dude that's why you like them yeah they DI donkey come on shit they made him scared scared and weak dude you know what I did see there's tears on bananas

monkey neutral bathroom the you know how consoles used to be region locked yeah but then with the switch and a lot of new consoles they aren't region locked anymore and games are just the same game no matter what. In Japan, they're releasing a region locked Japan only switch and a normal switch that has all the languages accessible in it so that they can price a switch low enough for the Japanese market because the yen is so weak. Oh, yeah, it's like a hundred dollars cheaper.

So it's just the same console,, it's like a hundred dollars cheaper. So it's just the same console, but it's impossible to get other languages or access non-Japanese games on it. But if you're a weeb and you know Japanese, Yeah, that's a way to save money. Yeah, but then you could only buy Japanese games. But surely you would just buy it and then you un-region lock it. No, you can't. That's the thing. They're manufacturing it to be region locked.

I'm sure if maybe there will be a way to hack it. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. But just you. They're fucked up about this because there were switches. If you wanted to play HDR, you needed to get an old switch that you had to actually solder out a chip like they have. Literally the first hardware limitation. No, it's the opposite.

It's the old one. You don't have to because the new ones you have to solder something to the board to mount it. Which is crazy. And I'm sure they got better at hacking or locking down that shit. Like it'd take a while, I'm assuming, to hack through that shit. I mean, they get better every time. Somebody always figures it out. The layer of friction to have to open something up in like literally hot metal, a fucking transistor, is way different than like Japanese. Just learning Japanese is quicker.

That's right. And asashi is a feminine way to say it. The... What was the other... The other sick game? Watashi. No, atashi is the feminine way. What are you even saying? I'm just... Every time. I've been learning something about Japanese every time. I come and tell him. He says it's wrong.

You're just wrong. You're just saying watashi weird. Atashi! That is a feminine way to say I. You're just what if you're wrong? I'm not saying what Toshi what Toshi Toshi Way to say I are you telling me like you know So metal gear solid Feminine metal gear solid choose the worst about your song away this Spanish does not in the way that like Spanish I know I know cuz I don't fucking know I'm getting vindicated in like the fucking discord They're like actually Simon's right Ludwig is weirdly mad and wrong. And I'm like, OK, good, good.

Salt Snakes are racists in the show. Is he right about this? Is a Toshi a new way to say I that I didn't know about? Isn't what Toshi is the feminine way? Be either polite or the feminine way. Yeah, I guess I'm just fucking chopped huzz then. Sorry. I guess I'm fucking saying shit that people fucking tell me that are experts. And I bring it on the show.

And I'm a fucking chopped idiot. Chuzz. Chuzz bucket. Zipper, look up Atashi. Man, fuck Zipper. Atashi versus what-tashi? Just Atashi. You know what I had a little excited about the direct?

I was a little excited about the direct. The Gamecube library being available. Like the old games. But they're- Eat my fucking shit! For real? Eat my fucking shit both of you You fucking fuckers

Wait, is Wotashi not also feminine? Ugh, god, gender neutral Dude, you guys let him get away with that? Wow, he's right Bitch, bitch He's right, I have to give it- I'm sorry I'm not touching your fucking nasty hand

I'm sorry I'm not touching your fucking- I'm sorry Reach for it Reach for it Shake each fucking nasty hand. I'm sorry. I'm not touching your fucking hand. Reach for his hand. Reach for it. Shake each other's hand. I wanna watch. So much.

I got a little excited because I saw a GameCube controller, an official GameCube controller getting released. Oh, with the USB-C. But with USB-C, which means I can plug it into my PC. That's sick. Directly. And I'm like, for the first time ever, a proprietary first party GameCube controller that plugs into my PC.

I like that. I get that stick box is going to be stiff, bro. I think it's going to feel like shit. I like them stiff. Mm hmm. But I also play pause, but I also play on box now. What I get scared because I play on a box, a gram box controller, and it has a USB-C to a fucking GameCube ender.

And I'm like, there's not a lot of these on the planet. If I ever lose this, I just can't play the video game with this controller. It's such a niche way. It's a niche of a niche of a niche. You could probably USB to you. Oh, you can go for a computer, but like to play on console. It's like kind of speaking of modding. I've been rabbit-holing Call of Duty again, and there's this program

that I've been using for a lot of stuff that sucks. And I was so old, but it's the best that the community had. And I got so I hit such a wall with it. I was so pissed off that I tracked down the guy who made it when he was likely a child in the UK you flame is that he is an engineer at IBM now what he should I reach out to him when I said hi will you help me use your old program That's cool. And reply. If anything, look, we have had so much reach on this pod. My old fucking guild leader apparently was a ran for mayor in Florida.

People found that out because they listen to the pod. There's a way to get to this guy is what I'm saying. Yeah. So use the platform for good. Dude, I watched this short that reminds me of what you're saying is Air Rack. And he was like, yeah, one day I woke up and all my videos were copyright strike. So I posted on my community page. And then I guess the artist got so many death threats, they lifted the copyright strike. And I was like, this is bad.

How was he presenting the information? He was presenting it in a more neutral way. He basically got an email from, it ends from the record label and they're like, please take down your post, please. We're getting death threats. We will clear the songs, please. They say, yeah, that's Diet Mr. Beast, bitch. Yeah.

Mess with the bull, you'll get the smaller horns. Yeah. I've also become more of a YouTube hater. What are you talking about? What do you mean? Michael's changed me, man. How? You love YouTube. No, I only also become more of a YouTube hater. What are you talking about? What do you mean? Michael's changed me, man. How? You love YouTube. No, I only love shorts now.

What? What are you talking about? You just released your most successful YouTube series of all time where you uploaded daily. I'm saying as a viewer. What did you watch before? Before I watched like YouTube videos. Like what kind of videos? I would watch like gaming things like

Summoning Salt and Daily Dose of Internet. And other creators, maybe a small ant video. The stuff like that. Yeah. Interesting. Maybe Nick's Elden Ring video. Similar things, yeah. Please, please, please, please, please.

Now I just watch shorts. Why is that a good? That's it. Wasn't Michael in the process of banning IP banning himself from shorts? Yeah. Yeah. He wanted to because that he said it was bad, yeah, which I think I need to do too. But they're so good.

Are they? Are they? Is it just not like TikTok again that you don't have to log into another app for? What's the difference? The algorithm changes faster. On shorts? Yeah, to like topics. So like right now, if I opened it up,

it would be like- Breastfeeding Latinas. Breastfeeding Latinas was yesterday. So today's all skateboarding. Right. And it's like, I don't know skateboarding. I'm not gonna pretend I know anything about the culture there But I love the shorts for it like the helmet guy

You see you toe got The direct what's his fucking full name Andy last name was Berg. Oh We did you shot out there? What what what did you toe do? Hey there? They announced Tony Hawk Pro skater 3 plus 4 and you toes in it. Oh You guys didn't watch, bro. I didn't watch the direct. And he's a Red Bull athlete. Yeah, so is Nick Yingling, who fucking cares.

True, he wore the beanie. He wears the beanie every day. If you put it on. You and Yingling are doing that. I told him. I walk into this office and I say, Yingling, are you an athlete? He's like, shut the fuck up.

Don't fucking talk to me. I don't wear the beanie anymore. Anymore like- Guy wore it last week. I gave it to you in Japan and I haven't held it since. Because you don't have it anymore. You already took a shower. So I'm over the beanie.

And I lost it to be fair. Relationship with- and now Ying Ling has it. Wow. And now some random young Japanese child is now a Red Bull athlete because they found it on the side of the road. On the side of the road. Along with so much other shit shit I did so many crimes there was the biggest crime you did Probably I mean probably just running like 70 the red lights Just a compilation of them because I would play this game where your feet can't touch the ground Dude, you're such a piece of shit. Zypper, you play this game, right?

Zypper is the type of bike. Is it like you pull up and you slow down, but you don't want to put your feet down, and you're like, ah, fuck it, I'll go? But in the way you balance is by moving forward. Yeah. So like you don't need your feet on the ground, but it's like a bicycle.

It's like when you get really slow, it's really hard to not fall over. Isn't it crazy that when you move forward, you don't fall over? Yeah, because that's crazy. Yeah, you don't fall over even a little bit. If you go as if you go as fast enough. Actually, I'm not making fun of you That's on some battery shit. That's some battery shit. It's like why am I not falling over? When I stop, I fall. Did you guys see? Did you guys see there was a guy?

He made a bike that had reversed a turning function So the bicycle whenever you would turn to the left, it would turn to the right. He had to rewire his brain because we're so this is Mike Boyd. Yeah, it's a crazy video. And he literally had to rewire his brain and keep trying at it like he was a child to ride the bike correctly. He's like, OK, that was cool. I can do it now. Switched it back. Couldn't do it.

Couldn't ride the bike. So he had to rewire his brain again. And the time it took his head to wrap around reversing this was really long. And it was kind of cool. This is I think. Video. I hate to bring up a topic that came up a long time ago. Oh, I think about I think about this all the time is the when I was

I was playing to like 200 millisecond delay Ganon dittos within an Airbnb and the classic when you input something, it came out super, super late and you but we played for so long that when I got up, I like I thought my movement in real life was going to be delayed. Really? I never felt a sensation like that before. Oh. And it's the same thing.

Or how you can wear those. Can you wear glasses that turn your vision upside down? Yeah. And then if you wear them for long enough, it writes them back up again. And then you have to take them off. It takes a really long time. What if it was forever? That might be a Mythbuster thing, though.

What's the point of that? Because I think your brain, this is, I mean, maybe I'm wrong. This might be a Mythbuster thing though. What's the point of that? Because you're, I think your brain, this is, I mean, maybe I'm wrong. This might be a Mythbuster scenario. Your brain takes in the image that you're looking at, upside down, and reverses it, and flips it upside down. Currently. So if you wear glasses that turn the image back upside down, your brain will eventually re-correct that image with the glasses on.

Just stacking up different pairs of those glasses Just a fuck with your brain I'm bit you know there's probably some kid in a physics class right now. That's pissed at us. Call me a fucking Yeah, well bloods blue. Call me a fucking we should start doing that mouth tape shit Alex does not know yeah, really? For the recent videos. Northern Line is not mouth tape. No, he doesn't, but he knew about it.

I didn't even know about it until Ashton Hall. Oh, I've known about this for years. What is good about only breathing through your nose? The idea is it makes your jaw more pronounced, I think. It's meant to be for good sleep. Wait, you guys are laughing at me?

This is true. Oh, for that guy, for Ashton Hall, maybe. It's like mewing. It's a part of look maxing. The looks maxing. No, not originally. Dude, yes. Wait, isn't this the whole thing of like why they call people mouth breathers?

It's... I thought that just made... Okay, okay, okay. So when you... Am I wrong? Have... When you have sleep apnea, it's because basically the back of your throat is sinking down and vibrating when you breathe, which causes you to snore. That sounds right. And then when you are sleeping, you have apnea episodes where you wake yourself up and you never enter deep sleep all night.

That's why you can sleep eight hours. You still feel tired in the morning. The tape is meant to force you to breathe through your nose so that this does not happen. That's what I'm saying. I should be the original one of the original uses. If you tape the tip, your nose is safer for bacteria because there's like as your nose is designed with hairs to like stop prevent bacteria. That's what boogers are.

Boogers are the evil that doesn't get in. That's true. So it's like it's another benefit. But there's like also a lot of studies that say like mouth tape like doesn't get in? That's true, that's true. So it's like, it's another benefit. But there's also a lot of studies that say like mouth tape doesn't really work. Some that say they do. I'm pretty sure it doesn't work. I listened to it because I was snoring and I was like, this is going to fix it.

I feel like I'd be scared of suffocating because my nose gets so stuffy. It could happen. It's got to be fear number one. I always see videos of people... I would be scared of suffocating. That's't be fucking scared of that. I always see videos of people- I would be scared of suffocating. Disgusting. That's normal to be scared of. He's disgusting. What videos do you watch? I don't think about this pussy anymore. They remove mouth tape but there's still the adhesive so they blow big adhesive bubbles. I've seen that. Like Mario when he sleeps. Yeah like a piranha plant. But no I think it's part of looks maxing now too. It's like the- What part of it is looks maxing? Is it like mewing? I think it's part of looks maxing now, too It's like the only part of his looks man. Is it like me?

I think the idea is if you breathe with your mouth you have like a fog. Oh, yeah Like it diminishes your yeah, probably you have a little my guess is that breathing through your mouth throughout the night makes your breath worse I think there's a might be a hygiene thing. No, your breath is worse if you keep your mouth closed, dude We know so little yeah, but the thing is we have a platform to talk about it on speculation alone. And that's beautiful. We'll just lie. And dude wipes give you cancer. If you've made it this far, be honest.

Is this one of the worst episodes of all time? Mouth tape looks maxing. It comes up, yeah? They're Zipfresh-ish. Dude, they call it hostage tape? What the fuck? Yeah, that's the brand.ippers, just the one. Dude, they call it hostage tape? What the fuck? Yeah, that's the brand. That's one of the brands.

R slash beauty. They did kind of like a liquid death type branding where it's like, hostage tape. What's that? And you're wondering. And you see it and you're like, they wear it to sleep? It's so scary. What if I stop breathing? In fact, one study found that people still breathe through their mouths even with the

tape. Yeah, yeah. That shit don't work then. I think it's like, if you're someone who can't breathe through the nose when you sleep, you're more likely to just unpeel the tape in your sleep by breathing through your mouth. And if you're someone who doesn't need it, then you'll be fine with it. It's like one of those self-affirming. No, the next layer is you bound yourself.

Before you go to bed, you put yourself in a latex cube. Yeah, a big latex cube and you have a boner. What is bound? To do this like a hand. Oh, like bind yourself. Yeah. To be bound. It's the past tense of it. I like to be bound. I put you in a latex cube. What is that?

Zipper latex cube BDSM. I want you in one of those. Yeah. Put you in one of the yeah Put you in the fucking cube. Where does my body go? What is this how do I breathe so you go inside and then you suck all the air out if this is a new acme drop pay attention Yeah, I want you not Look closely go I go to the top go to the top with this not closely look closely

There is a breathing tube idiot No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, What if you just cut it? Sex shop Etsy is crazy It would hit the same Woah! Look at that sex vest Look at that hammock Wait $750 That's so much It's just latex In a cube? In a PVC pipe cube yeah

Do you have to buy the sucker? This is an artisan lack of latex None of this is worth $750 I can tell you that right now Wait wait wait I'm gonna tag yourself It's so hard to explain this visual Having the most awesome bust of your life in latex is worth any amount Oh busting in there would be awful

Because then it wouldn't even go anywhere Busting your breathing tube and now you have no choice Can you Can you bust in a vacuum? That's a great question. Hank Green, we need to get him back on the program. I'd like to come in zero gravity. That's like, it's like the old question.

If you can travel at the speed of light, you turn the headlights on. What happened? What happened? They don't know what happened. Surely that one. They know what happened. Because when they do the tooth, it looked like one of those. You ever seen the zero gravity toothpaste videos? It looks like that's come. I'm talking about headlights.

What the hell are any of us talking about? Do you see the videos two guys trying to see if speed of light or speed of sound faster? Yeah, bro. Ha! It was so awesome. It's literally a guy holding up a flashlight. He's like, ha!

Yeah, he was trying to beat the flashlight. Yeah, and then there's a guy watching it, and he's like, ah, yeah, he was trying to like beat the flashlight. Yeah. She was like, and then there's a guy watching it and he's like, the sound was fast. The sound was fast there. And then the other guy's like, put the light though. OK, yard tape, but it's not for your mouth. It's for your butthole. And it stops you from pooping on a date.

Yes. It stops you from pooping on a date. Oh my God, bro, some guy messaged me. I said this to Nick, cause I was so worried. He sent me a video. You know that woman who sleeps with thousands of men as like a publicity stunt? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Aidan's mom. There was a video of a bunch of these guys walking into a house. Yep. It's P, it's P. It's P out there. I said Aidan's mom. I knew it here.

That's, that's, well done sir. That's so awesome. I said Aiden's mom? I knew it, that's well done sir. That's so awesome. I said Aiden's mom when he said that comment. Yeah, Bonnie Blue? Oh that's that game from Off Brand. Dude that's really bad for us. That's really bad for us that she's called Bonnie Blue. So there's a bunch of these guys walking into a house like, you know, to fuck this woman for money or whatever

Oh, they also look like they're gonna fucking bip a Prada store Yeah, they have like ski masks on Except one guy But one guy has a black shirt with like a white logo on the breast But the video is kind of blurry and this guy sent it to me He's like dude yard fan spotted in this and I watched him like oh no and I sent it to Nick I'm like, this isn't our shirt, shirt right and he's like it was some other brand undefeated yeah oh god and I and I messaged a guy back I'm like it's

apparently it's undefeated thank Christ wait I'd be stoked if it was a fan because I don't like the idea of my fans being people who have sex. It's different. I think that's different. It is different. I think it's different. Say how it's not the same as having sex. Say how having sex implies you have succeeded in the in the social part of life, you know, where you've talked to someone and gotten to know them.

There's an application process. You've made someone more interested enough in you to have sex with you. Yeah, you've engaged in sex. I'm sure he had a comeback. But this person's just like, I need 1,000 people to fill my hole. And you're just what.

And that's what it was, Nick. And the guy sets down our tier list episode and then walks to the front. And he said, I'll do it. Yeah. I'll step up to the challenge. I will be number 374 to be in you. And you're going to judge that against him.

Yeah, I'm going to. Yeah, for sure. I'm going to for sure. You know what? I wouldn't mind if we had both sides. OK, there's a scenario. If Bonnie Blue's she ranked every lay and he ranked number one out of a million. I don't care. I feel like her tier list would be bullshit.

I wouldn't trust it. Oh, you trust women. Right. No, because it'd be like I ate a Thousand different chips and ranked them and it's like brother by chip 20. You don't know what you're doing. No palate cleanser What's the palate cleanser for sex ginger like she plays like Breath of the Wild flick 30 minutes? Don't mean full reset What we're gonna have sex? Awesome sex. I think the only palate cleanser for sex is refractory period. It's time.

Well, no. I mean, like, no. I think you do have to do something else, like play a round of tennis. You could listen to Lemonade Stand. You just full reverse the feeling of sex. It shrivels up. I'm ready. Yeah! The show had been going good. Shrivels up The show Close call bro, I

Think it's fun. I think it's fine if that you like doing it more than this pod man, of course He fucking honest just a study for it. He fucking... Yes, look at him dude. Isn't that disgusting? He's so pumped up. I don't. Is it because the homework's hard? Is that why I dislike doing it more? We should have homework for each other. I think so far it is a little more stressful and not just because of the prep but I think just because we're... Because Atriot could keel over and die at any moment. Right, and I'm worried about him. He's frail. I think we should be doing homework for this podcast.

You try to find the most famous person you can this week. You watch gay porn. You read Ezra Klein. Come on. Wait, he was already doing that homework. He already did that, and I was already doing that. I'm getting roasted, bro. Why?

Just people in the comments. Yeah, they're like pissed at me for reading a book. It's OK to read a book and disagree with it. Dude, they are they are 200 episodes into a podcast. I know. Right. You're winning the conversation. That's like the it's just like it's just so annoying to come to the comments and be like, oh, fuck it. You're reading the Ezra Klein.

Disgusting. And I'm like, I wasn't a fan of Ezra Klein before I read this book either. All right, look, how about this? By the next main episode, we have to see the most famous person we can see. What does, oh, winner punches loser. Wait, but what if there's gonna be one loser and three winners?

There's gonna be one loser. And all three people punch them? Just the least famous. They all get punched. Winner gets to choose what the loser does, the other two are abstained from doing anything. So like the most famous find gets to punish the least famous find.

The second and third most famous find is safe. It's kinda fucked up for Ludwig cause he can just like call somebody up. No, he can't do that. No, obviously that'd be cheating. It's gonna be someone I don't know. I will find them. They have to, there's a rule. They have to not see you.

So he can't call someone, because then they would see him. Well now, so we're like having to sneak- I thought we had to get a pick. Yeah, you have to stalk them. Yeah, this is gonna be a paparazzi. I thought we had to like get like a- That was what the question was, but this is paparazzi. No, it's paparazzi. So we have to be paparazzi?

Yeah, you have to paparazzi them. Most famous person you can see. Bucket, I ate the other one. We're not gonna find anyone in one week the final No, we're gonna crush. I will know we'll be able to know a week. That's easy. It's so easy for you They're putting us in a dimension you more Yeah, more you cuz

We can't say I think dementia dimension the dimension, bro. All right. Hey guys. God. I don't say. You think dementia or dimension? I'm gonna dimension bro. Alright. Hey guys. Oh my god. I don't- Okay, I'm gonna be honest. I don't know if we'll get out of this room after we stop recording. But, thanks for watching this episode. Have we ever been outside this room?

I don't know. I think I may- To some, to some we haven't. I think I may have lived my entire life in this room. You know what blows my mind? There are people who do this a day that think we record this shit outside. This shit is outside. Yeah, it is outside.

It is outside and it's dark. Don't think they're emerging because you come from a business show, it's all ones and zeros binary. Whatever happened to art? Oh my god. Pussy. Doug Doug has read my comms seven times. You have small balls! You have small tiny balls!

Whoa! Here we go. That comes out of him? You have small tiny balls! Yeah, hope that feels good. Where's the Ludwig piss? Doug Doug has read my mine comp seven times. Yeah. All right.

See you on the Patreon episode where I will. I will show you my balls and you can be the judge. Oh, my God. Goodbye forever.