The Yard - Ep. 198 - Slime Has Changed..

Episode Date: May 7, 2025

This week, the boys talk about Slime's heart surgery, Nick's most LA moment, and how God Mode May is going ... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're just four guys that can admit when we're wrong. You ever think about that shit? Uh, Papa wants a sip. I have a question. Papa wants a sip. If you're not here, stay with them. He saw it. Stay in the office at 1055. Oh no, they drink that versus time. have a question. Papa wants a sip. If you're not here, He's still on it. I'm gonna go down, Staying in the office at 10.55,

Oh no, the drink that reverses time. Ready for- Love it, don't drink it. Nooooo! Oh, before any of this happens. Ready? Hey guys, welcome back! This is so fucking stupid.

This is so fucking stupid. I don't know what's stupid, the reverse time. No, no. It's not stupid, he drank the latte that changes time and space. Love it was extra right, And then he drank the latte that reversed reverse time. Oh, it's not stupid. He drank the latte that changes time and space Love it was extra right and then he drank the latte that reversed his time It's not and now I don't even remember what the argument anymore Right if you you know what you could add the foresight to get the latte that reverses time But you didn't you guys be so fucking real with me. Yes. How does the back of my head look? Oh

It looks like you know how sometimes you can see the face of a dead man in someone's kneecap Yeah, yeah, or like the way the moon looks if you if you rotate your head Zipper just going yeah, yeah Wow So you nailed it does it look that bad no, that's a good thing I said no it's fine You know you look like you look like the Rizler The kid like if I had like a like a zoom in like a geoguess or zoom in on just the back of your head And then I saw the back of the Rizler's head. I'd be like That's tough to hear. That's lowly mean to both of them. I feel bullied. Anyone else see that flash?

Yeah, I think it was the TV. Oh, it's mean to both of them because The Rizler is fat Yeah, I know And you're calling Ludwig's back of his head fat. No, I yes, okay. I'm sorry. Okay, then what is about the Rizler? What the fuck are you slime has changed by the way? He's talking about different different different different Well, he's not mad at you know he's Watching and he's mad and Look at that motherfucker. I'm mad at you. I'm watching.

He didn't drink the time juice. Do you want the time juice? I don't care about the time juice. I care that you silently walked in. It's like I didn't know you were here. Three hours later. Northern Lion listeners, guys, if you came from the episode last week, it's like this all the time. We can cut it out. I'm just frustrated. This we can cut it out. This is actually leave it in. No, leave it in. Leave it in.

You wanted to do it on the show. We leave it in and we want you. Everyone gets to look at your butthole. And in future weeks, I'll be there. And I won't have a haircut because I just got a haircut. It does look it looks like a kneecap. OK, looks like a kneecap. And now he's back.

And it's great. You want that you sure you don't want the juice? I want the juice. Go back to when he's mad. No, no, it now he's back. And it's great. And then he's gone. You sure you don't want the juice? No, no, no. Go back to when he's mad to me. No, no, it's gonna hurt. It goes as far as I want it to. No, when you came out of the closet! Before you told your father!

Yeah, he looks at me, he's like, Dad? Oh, now I'm gonna cry. You're gonna have to call your dad. He's gonna be double upset. I have to explain to him why flying across across the country to go to apex 2015 to hang out was actually a good idea don't let's not do that I should have said let's go Why can't I tell a story about someone assaulting me sexually?

Well, then do you want it to become a big talking point for like a week? the assaults are And we're out of the bid. All right Was assaulted. Yeah, we all were you were not a solid you were not a soul dude actually Even zipper has a story zipper You got a story. That's crazy Are you serious? That's crazy. I feel like the chopped huzz. He never fucking touch my ass

Wishing he was assaulted yeah room and slimes like bent over a table Oh, I think there's a seasick in my ass Listen I'm different now because he's different. I got a new heart. Yeah, you have a is it better or worse? He got a heart transplant. Did it work? He had major heart surgery.

He had his transplant worse because he's here, Aiden. I'm alive, Aiden. Can you tell us? Six feet above ground is a good day. Tell us exactly how it went. So you went to the doctor and then have I described the surgery on the pod before? No, I think you've talked about what the end result, but not the process. I have I have frequent extra beats.

They're called PVC's and too much love. I have too much love. I actually have so much love. It's 30% extra love, which is insanely high. Yeah, I learned that 30% is crazy to have that much love. It's a massive amount of extra beats and these beats of love. Babe, this is why I have to be Pauly. I have to be, look, I just, I would love to be like a one woman guy.

I would love to be you all the time. I love that. But the doctor said I need fucking sniz. The doctor said I need extracurricular sniz. I would be cool with you seeing other people too, but you just don't have that much love. So I don't think it makes any sense. It just doesn't make any sense. You know, I hate the ECS. I hate it, but I gotta get it.

It's like a prescription. And yeah, so next time when I'm, you know, It's like a Dane Cook movie. Yeah. It gets a hard condition to fuck other girls. So it's basically this thing that overworks your heart basically. So it reduces the function of your heart over time because it's working too hard passively, which is bad. Yeah, I didn't get that.

I was like more beats, more fun. Yeah, I wish. But I guess this goes back to the theory I had when I was a child, that was right. Of what? Limited amount of beats. Okay. We got like a billion beats.

You're talking, oh, you're talking about heartbeats. You're going through your beats quicker. I thought you were like kind of capping your masturbation. No, no, no, like heartbeats. You have a limited amount of heartbeats and You're going through your beats. I thought you were like kind of capping your masturbation. No, no, no. Like heartbeats. You have a limited amount of heartbeats and then you hit your final beat and your heart's like, those things are linked. Yeah, that's actually true. Because you up the beat. This one. Well, I did.

You know what would be cool? The the the yardigans have still been posting their like records or whatever. Someone has stopped. Yeah, it's boring now. You're flexing on us at this point But to beat off with the lowest heart rate to completion. It would be me you're saying you're saying you do it Well, you sleep I do it while I sleep His 30s way on the goal is to keep the lowest heart rate at the moment of busting Oh, yes

so while your wall your basically when you touch the penis to the time that the quarter ounce of liquid comes out, some doctors would announce me dead when I'm doing it. That is how low my heart rate. You don't understand. So is it an average watch notice? You know, it's it's it's basically where it spikes is your mat is like where you're.

OK, so where you spike during the whole process, even when you're beaten. Yes. Yeah, that is so cold. I'm so cold. That is disgusting. So I got this heart condition and so for, I've been trying to figure it out for a couple years now and I've went through a couple heart doctors and one of them was like, let's go on these pills

and that pill sucked. They make you like really tired and they make you a little fat. Make you fucking fat. It's just like, you fart a lot. Yeah. So make you bald. They make you fucking fat. It's just like a little fucking fart a lot Sleep on the floor fucking make you bald and fart For years, you know why I can just listen a podcast first just started to smell He's the only one I tried to control them

Lady and Jimmy John's you're fucking this is your wife with you, but your wife is your tall skinny friend. Those were the pills. Those were the pills. I'm sorry about that. They take over. But no, I, I, and then I stopped taking them, like this sucks. And it was like, whatever. And then, uh, I found out I had mildly reduced heart function.

Anyway, so I go to a new heart doctor and he's like, so there's a couple of things we can do. We can do what's called an ablation. And so they fuck it. It's crazy. I was nervous about it for so long because it sounds crazy It's an amazingly safe procedure apparently but they go they open up your vein in your near your penis your balls You guys wanna see my bruise? Yeah, yeah, because I saw it last time I need an update

Is it fat? While you do it I'll explain what an ablation is so you got this cut open his to his blood Don't don't don't don't do that You have to draw all of your tracks Oblation is so you got this cut open his to his blood He's waving his head around like he has a long You didn't have to pull down that. You just don't have to show your cock. You just don't have to show your cock, man. Got an awesome band-aid. Anyway, an ablation is they cut open one of his veins. Yeah, well, what? And then they put a drone in it. Yeah, they put a catheter and they basically like file a catheter into your vein up into your heart from your groin. They go through the vein and the vein is strong enough to handle that.

I have a question. Yes, please. Yes. The question, why does because the tube, I feel like the tube has to be about the size of the vein, right? The tube has to be pretty big. Smaller. It's way smaller because blood has to flow through or you fucking die. Pussy! How do you make a tube that's that small? Well, surely there's surely we can start closer to the Wendy's. We don't have to be so low. Apparently, it's like the best spot.

That's crazy. I know. Why is it the best spot? They've been doing this for like 30 years and they like. I think it's because you go under your rib cage. Like me, I go in right here. So that's actually one for a fib. That's how they use to do it. You do it above.

But so you go in and they go in and this fucking thing So that's actually one for AFib. That's how they used to do it. You do it above. So you go in and they go in and this fucking thing and they go into the inside of your heart with this guy. And then they start like, it like starts pulsing like a bat and like mapping out your heart. And then using software they figure out where these electrical signals are coming from that are like wrong. And they take the end of the stick, rub up against your heart wall

and they fucking kill this Ellie burn it dude in Osmosis Jones, dude shoot it with a gun. I shoot it with a ray gun and Chris Rock says Good Chris Rock what the heart since you got a new heart Do your Peter real quick Chris Rock is fucked up. You lots of Chris. Do your Peter real quick. Oh, Lois. Oh, it's still there.

Still there. Still there. Thank God. That was almost you. That was fucking Christ. Also, by the way, if you ever watch Osmosis Jones' Kid Rock has a song in it. Oh my God.

Do you guys know about this? This is a bit of an aside, but this is great. He has a song about, I think, I guess, partying. Kid Rock. Partying, havingying, Kid Rock. Partying, having awesome sex. Right. Which is really cool.

It's called Cool Daddy Cool. And the lyric goes... Zipper got there so... The fastest zippers gotten to anything in history. He says, young ladies, young ladies, I like them under age C. Some say that's statutory. And then a child goes in with the ad lib, C some say that's statutory and then a child goes in with the ad lib but I say it's mandatory if I'm lying I'm dying bro

this is on the osmosis Jones young ladies I like them under age C some say that's statutory but I say it's mandatory and it's a kid yeah and that's in osmosis Jones and it's in Osmoar Jones. Caleb put us onto this a couple of months ago. I remember because he told Nick about it. And then I couldn't remember. And I was like, I called him on the phone and I was like, Caleb, what was that Osmosis Jones thing? He instantly recites it from heart.

It was so funny. Anyway, so they go up and they burn parts of your heart with a little fucking guy. And it was fucked up, bro. I was asleep for most of it, but I was like not under, I was like in drug state, but they had to wake me up toward the last hour because my shit wasn't triggering. Dude, that's the craziest part.

So they wake me up and they're doing it while I'm awake and it was fucking crazy, bro. Like you can feel them just like setting fire to the inside of your heart. Did you smell your heart? No, I didn't smell my heart, but it probably smelled looky good, like Arby's. And so I got this thing. Cause you got all that nice chicken in your heart. Humans have eaten human heart, right? Of course.

The Aztecs, famously. Yeah, yummy. I think it would be Yoc. Wait, what's his name that used to date Valkyrie did that shit? Ray? Yeah Ray ate a human heart. No, who used to date Valkyrie? What was his name? Sony. Oh Sony D? Motherfucker used to eat hearts. Sony was eating hearts? He was eating beef hearts, dude. I don't think he was. Because you were on the beef hearts. He was eating beef hearts. Oh beef hearts. He was not human hearts. That's so different. I just want to clarify. We're not sure. I forgot that that was the I do think He I try to want human heart

Low-key the liver king might have had a death No, yeah, the liver came out had a sliver some cadaver heart Yeah So there was a 12 year old kid in a motorcycle accident and he's just eating it. I don't think a kid makes it better He is screaming though Yeah, if you're eating a human's organ because they're an organ donor in an accident is that isn't that I think it's Disgusting man. Yeah, I don't care what you do to my body if I'm dead I'll find out just fucking have your fucking way a million pieces I have let me tell you when we you die. We are all gonna have our way

Have your fucking weight with me. Get a million pieces. Let me tell you, when you die, we are all going to have our way. Just fucking dump a fucking quarter ounce of whatever you got inside of you into me now because I'm fucking dead and I don't fucking care. So he likes quarter ounce today. Yeah, quarter ounces are small amount. Do you know how much a quarter ounce is? It's enough.

Not that much. It's not a lot. It is enough. It's enough to get a motherfucker pregnant. It is enough to get a motherfucker pregnant. Yeah. So I get this thing and then fucking, dude, it was so fucked up because you guys were asking me like, how does it go? And I just replied, there's so much blood on my balls because

I'm laying on the table and they burned me up. And whether or not it worked, we're not sure yet. It has to like take a little while to see, but it might have failed. And because it's kind of inaccurate. But they're they're like tying up my my like vein, I guess. And I'm just I can't feel it because I'm numbed up. But there's this guy just working on it and I can hear him like it sounds like Edward Scissorhands when he's doing a shrub.

And he's like, and I can just feel like wet, hot, just fucking going down my leg into my groin like Pooling basically at the bottom of my ass and balls and I said doctor I can feel I think I'm bleeding And I feel blood on my balls. He's like huh, and he just ignores me and just keeps going I don't know if I guess maybe the blood lubricate But what's what was annoying is he finishes up and then this other doctor who's like doing other stuff with me is like, oh, there's blood pooling underneath this guy. And then the guy who was cutting me up goes, oh, and then he leaves.

You didn't say coolant, Matt? Huh? You didn't say coolant, Matt? No, he was very... There's a collection of blood under the testicles. No, he said it's pooling. He said it's pooling underneath this guy. Okay. And yeah, and so I had blood on my balls for like a day.

Oh, yeah, because you couldn't shower after. Because I couldn't shower because like it might get affected. Next time you get me in there. So yeah, next time we get you in there and we fucking- You had your period. I had my first period on the operating table. Feels pretty good. Ever since the doctor throws a diva cup at you? I know what this is!

Just sliding it into the hole in your leg. Feels pretty good. Ever since the doctor throws a diva cup at you? Like, I know what this is! Just sliding it into the hole in your leg. Imagine you're about to go under. You're counting down. You're like, seven, eight. And right before you go, the doctor pulls down his mask and it's Aidan. And he's like, good night, sweetheart. No, I would love it. You'd be fine with that.

Yeah, because it's a fun... Like, whatever prank is happening to me was worth so much effort. Yeah, and Aiden went through leaves and boughs to get in there. Because he doesn't do shit like that. No. Like, him putting that amount of effort, and he's the new Ludwig.

Dude, he's like Sherlock, and you're like Moriarty. This is your guy's relationship. Jeez, Sherlock. You're the psycho genius who follows him around and tortures him with your puzzles. He's just trying to be an autistic guy. Just a gentle autistic guy. You're a chaotic evil autistic guy. Dude they uh, what was I gonna say? Oh yeah, because they had me on this like, this Twilight sedation which kind of just fucks you up all day. But I wasn't like out of it, but I couldn't really drive

and I was kind of like falling over and shit. But I took a shower that night. Oh, no, no, it was the next day because it lasted a little while because I couldn't take a shower. But I took a shower and shaved my head because I'm like, I feel gross. I have to shave my head. And I did this like fucking crazy botch job. It was like it was like a homeless guy, like a crazy man,

tried to shave my head without his eyes. And I realized, get out of the shower, because I've been doing it for so long and I'm pretty good at it. And I get out of the shower and I lay down and it's just patchy, and there's shaving cream all over. And I was like, fuck, this sucks so bad. A homeless guy but also without his eyes.

Really, it just happens to be outside while he does this. Well I paid him. Cause a regular person without their eyes would also be bad. You say that but I shave without looking at myself. Yeah, yeah. Cause you feel it. I'm just saying. You shave without looking?

Uh, yeah. That's so impressive. I'm not kidding. You're just feeling right? You get used to it. Yeah, you just feel around. Dude your head's crazy. I would miss every day of my life no matter how much practice. When you're bald this is something that comes up. Yeah, you're just your head's crazy. I would have I would miss every day of my life No matter how much I get better that comes up. Yeah when you're bald, it's different and we know what Northern Lion said He didn't shave with a razor. I was like, ah, I get it. Mm-hmm married. I

Think a good good Northern Lion Piece of merch would be a t-shirt that says bald B a L L apostrophe D and then it's the Jordan logo But it's there's the Anwan logo and it's him. It's Jordan Lion. But it's really hard to tell. But he has a bald head. But he has a bald head unlike Michael Jordan. You cut the glasses out in like the silhouette.

You cut glasses out and then you don't see the lower half of his body. It's, it's. Well he should have headphones on. Yeah. Oh yeah, he would have headphones on. That'd be really funny. That's actually a fire shirt.

Fire. The Air Jordan logo and his headphones bald Jordan Lion? Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah, you would have headphones. That'd be really funny. That's actually a fire shirt. Fire. The Air Jordan logo and his headphones fall Northern Lion? Yeah. Okay. But it's still on basketball shoes. So he still only sells basketball shoes with them. Yeah, he has to only come out with his own line. I'm for NL1s.

Do you think that there is any people that will fall in love with our content because they saw the podcast with Northern Lion? Nope. It'll be like tip to tip. They're gonna go to the next episode, they're gonna be like, oh, so this is what I had to look forward to. They were lowkey pissed off in those comments. About what?

I don't think we have it in us, can I just say it? About what? Like, before we recorded this episode, Ludwig was like, guys, we gotta let our guest talk more in the first 10 minutes. I did say this. We gotta. And we were given, Northern Lion, he's gonna see this,

we were given a little bit of hard mode. He was a little bit of a shy Gus at first. He was a little bit of like, oh, I'll wait for them to bring me into the conversation guy. Not like I'll outburst with my, my, my, someone in the comments said his brain was moving at a thousand miles a minute. They gave him like this insane amount of like credit. Like, yeah, I don't know.

It's like, no, maybe he just didn't have much to say I think he was thinking about how high up he was yeah yeah uh and you know so when people are kind of quiet like we'll we'll kind of we'll we'll ham up the quiet moments until until we ask them a question or they're ready I think we're not we're not up to the challenge I think we dude okay

we need to ask him a question frame one yes you need to ask a question frame one and we don't have it in us instead of frame one what you did you did is you brought up... Me? Yes. You... You... I asked him a question? You brought up your server.

That was 20 minutes in. Yes it was, it was 20 minutes in. I edited it. I don't care. How do I fight someone who doesn't care? How do you combat them? Also, also, shmeedance. I thought you guys were exaggerating. How do I fight someone who doesn't care? How do you combat that? 20 minutes in! I thought you guys were exaggerating Guys the pod ended

We go to lunch And they bring up the waiter again Like the three of you Oh no, you guys are cowards about this What the fuck are you talking about? What I found out is Nick on the pod He brought up the waiter and I thought wow We took it out!

We cut it out! We don't know about this! Yeah, it was one of Nick's very, very rare fails. Oh my god. And then we took it out. You know why it's not a fail? Can you explain why they're fucking cowards? Yes, okay.

So you two are pussies. You're a pussie! You two are fucking pussies! I didn't even have to say why. You got a tiny dick, too. What am I a pussy for? I'll tell you why you're pussy men. I'll tell you why you're pussy men.

Because we fucking do the pod. Nick, it's cut out, you're pussy men, because we we fucking do the pod. Nick, it's cut out. You never heard it brings up a story, which is basically him being like, we went to this fancy restaurant and the waiter saw. No, no, no. And that's crazy. And that's how it came.

And that's how it came. Oh, my God. That's how it came. How that's how it came off. And so it's not how I said it. Me and the Canadian are sitting there and we're like, damn, and and and it doesn't go over. So we cut it out. And then we go to lunch after and these two started

chiming in and they're like, he really did. Yeah, I'm telling you, bro. And you're going back and forth. All of a sudden they're like, they got so much to say about how much he sucks. Where was that? I don't want to, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, listening, that's what the takeaway was. Lowkey, lowkey. You see, there it is! There it comes out! And it came off like LA Boyle. The essence of my story, what I was trying to say was, because Aidan takes us to this extremely fancy restaurant.

They made Slime take his hat off when we go inside. That was fucking crazy. When you go to a restaurant... Sir, could you please take off your ball cap in the restaurant? I'm wearing the shirt of him smoking crack on the back. So I'm like, you don't want me to turn around. My shirt says in Chinese and English,

work all fucking day, only get few money. Yes, and it's designer. And so we go in and it's like very fancy. And we're like kind of the only people there. And when you go to restaurants like this, you're kind of signing up for like, yeah, I'm just gonna spend way too much money on food. The waiter's gonna explain the entire menu to me.

Like it's gonna be a whole thing. And I was just so like, I don't, to be fair, I don't like that treatment. Like I don't, I don't know. I think he's capping. I'm listening and I know what it's like. I know what you're saying, but I just don't believe you. When a waiter explains a whole menu,

I'm like, bro, chill, let me read the menu and I will order at some point. Boop boop boop boop. I can't win. I can't win. We think you like places with specials. You like being treated like you have diapers on. Pizza restaurants have specials. Then we think you like when they read out the specials.

No, uh, no. Today it's pepperoni. Well, okay. If there's specials I do want to know. I do want to know. But I don't want the whole menu. You know when they're like, would you like me to walk you through the menu? I don't want that. I do hate getting walked through the fucking menu. I can read.

That's what I'm saying though! I believe you. And then I just felt like Bro, Bro didn't really know anything about the menu. He doesn't say sparkling or so. He doesn't offer a whole menu. He brought your fish out and he's trying to tell you what fish are on the plate and he's like, I don't know that one.

I'm sitting there going, Garçon! Excuse me, Garçon! And Zippor was like, oh I can't pronounce this drink but I want this one. And usually they're like secretly French and they pull it out. And he's like, I don't know how to say that either. I was just kind of surprised. Not because I had a problem with it. You're just mad

There's a chill ass fucking white boy. Yeah hooked up serving food for you I felt like I went to get like like my like my car fixed and I was like, what's that part called? He's like be but do you fix it good was the food good? Yeah, he didn't make the damn shit Yeah, do you know they did the job? I guess I don't know he could have gone back. I'm pretty sure he didn't why can't He didn't look like he did it. What does one look like when they make Japanese food? The Mexican usually. In Canada?

Yeah, oftentimes. In Canada too. He was a bald white guy with a beard too. Balding. Yeah, balding. He was balding out. Either way, whenever we go places like that, I just possess a great deal of internal shame no matter what. I don't even like that.

Yeah! And I'm just kind of sitting there and I'm like, yeah, fuck it, I don't care. He likes the food though. And here's the fucking... He's drooling over the food. Yeah. To be clear, I like the guy. My only thing I want on a waiter is we banter with them and they kind of banter back.

That's all I care about at a restaurant. Yeah. So the guy was fine. I was just kind of like, how long have you worked here? It was funny that he didn't know all these things when he kind of should have, but I don't like the idea that there was a restaurant that expensive in the first place. I don't like it. It freaks me out. Are your hiccups gone? Dude, I've had, it's been so fu- I have so much juice in me. You do?

I have what's called periocarditis. That is what, um... Don't even try. That's what Ivermackin gives you. Wait, which one's periodontics? Which one's that? That's teeth. Is that teeth?

Wait, that's also teeth? You're stupid. We got too many teeth doctors. Orthodontist, dentist, periodontist, why are they all teeth? I think it's a gum doctor actually. Uh, but yeah, I have-, dude it's been fucked up. Something is inflamed in my heart because of this thing. It happens and then I have to take pills.

But it's created so much acid in my bones that I had a coffee the other day and I was like terminally hiccuping. It was so sad we went to dinner, all of us. And we all have a beautiful meal. And then I'm dying. Because the end of the meal comes around. I'm I want to fuck an off a gato.

You're busting out of your fucking hair. There's buttons on your shirt that weren't even there. And then they appeared and popped off. Yeah. Yeah. I was staring at our waitress comes out the door for 30 minutes. She hadn't come to the table in so long. It had been 30 minutes. I'm just I'm like, I need this before they close.

I need because they're going to close and I need this avocado. And I flagged out another waiter. I go avocado. Yeah, you said I need it. And then our waitress comes and I go avocado. And then and she goes, you mean this gentleman right here? And then she did a cool dance and went stage left. And then I knew I wasn't alone because you guys sounded off like a chorus behind me and it's like two three four and slime jumps in and gets an affogato and after our brilliant meal we all eat it and slime starts to go put the Tom and Jerry bubble hiccups. It sunk so but they were like unlivable and the affogato gave you a hiccups and then sucked so bad. They were like unlivable. And the off a God will give you hiccups.

And then he went to the bathroom and threw up in the restaurant. It worked, though, right? Didn't get rid of them. No, it didn't work. He just did throw up in the bathroom. I think it was successful the other night. It worked before that. Shove your fingers down your fucking.

No, I just fucking I willed it into existence. You really stood and went. Well, you can just throw up like thinking about it. Yes. I'm the goat. It's not that hard for me. If you make throw up noise in action and then throw up. Yes. Convulsing.

Also, just staring at a toilet is pretty gross. I can get there, man. I can come. What do you think about? I'm kind of impressed by that. I'm extremely impressed. What do you think about? Oh, I think about poop in my. It's gross shit. I don't know what you. I think about. So she's like It's gross shit. I don't know what you...

So she's like, oh look, yum. I think about a woman who needs my help and the only way is to throw up on the sensor that drops the cage and I have to do it for her. Yeah. So it still happens? So no, because I went on... Because Cutie was saying that night,

she was like, yeah, I had GERD. And I'm like, that's a cool sounding thing to have. She's like yeah, I had GERD and I'm like that's a cool sounding thing Yeah, it's like an Elden Ring. And so I just eat fucking oatmeal and banana, bro. It sucks, dude I'm miserable my past couple days have been pretty bad But you know six feet above ground is all you can ask for about fucking good Lord and you don't know if your heart's fixed I don't know. Maybe it is I have to I have to wait for it to heal I didn't know your shoulders hurt one. Yeah, I slept horrible. You slept bad? I slept so bad. Well, it's probably because you sleep Don't you sleep on a big like vat of candy corn?

Yeah, we just have like right now because our house is being constructed on just several bags of candy corn Yeah, all lumped together. That's probably the problem. No, I don't know how that makes sense You know what? Well, they call it a Mennonites bedroom. Oh, okay Well, you know you should do it. You should reach it. What? Well, they call it a Mennonite's bedroom. Oh, okay. Well, you should do it. You should reach out to Helix Sleep because they hooked me up with a mattress. This is real shit. Uh-huh. And I use it in my house.

Are these Jesuits or? It is. I don't watch anime, but I do have a comfy mattress. And it totally fixed my neck and back and everything issue. You got a mattress? I got it from Helix. Can I get a mattress? You can get a mattress? Yeah, you all should probably get a mattress because the candy

corn you're on is wet. And you're also starting to eat the bed. Can I tell you about my girl? Please. Tell me about your girl. Beautiful. Breathtaking. Breathtaking girl. Picky. Picky. Bitch! She likes her bed a certain wet. But that's the thing. That's the thing, Ludwig. You can take the Helix Sleep Quiz and you can find a mattress that works for the both of you. Okay, because she is picky. Yeah, she's picky. Pitch. But it doesn't matter that she's picky because you can find something that works for the both of you.

Because the quiz will tell us what we need to get. Exactly. There's various designs with memory foam, there's a cooling feature, and there's also sleep zones to customize your sleep. She likes the zones, I think. Yeah, she likes the zones. Oh, well, have a take this quiz. If you want to take the quiz, you can go to helipsleep.com slash the yard

for 27% off site wide and a free bedding bundle. So that's like a sex. Which is not candy corn. It's no candy corn. No, it's not candy corn, it's a sheet set. That's a sheet set and a mattress protector with any Lux or Elite mattress order, only for yard listeners.

You know how exclusive that is? She listens too, so this actually works out. They actually will know to if you've listened, they have like ear technology. And she'll know because she listens if you said anything about her. Of course, I would never. That's Helixsleep.com slash a yard 20% off site wide plus free bedding bundle with a Lux or Elite mattress order. And hey guys, just between you and me, let them know the yard sent you.

Select the yard in the post purchase survey. Thank you to Helixsleep for sponsoring this week's episode. Let's get back to the podcast where everything we say about each other's significant others is really nice all the time. And then we'll see the English experts in the room. I have a question. Please have an English question. OK, so I'm in Canada. Me and Kyle, a wipeshield country, the covid spreader,

are walking around the coove making a stink. And do you guys notice? Are you making it stink? You guys see that? I saw there was a guy there was someone's tag and his tag was stink. That's any of that picture? No, no. There was like a trash can that said City of Vancouver stink.

And I was like, did I think of that first and then see that? Or did I see that at the airport? Because I saw this like at the end last day of my trip. OK. But I'm wondering now because it's graffiti. Maybe I saw that. You're just thinking. What are the odds that I saw Vancouver stink? Bro, I said this about Aiden months ago. Months ago. What?

I was going to fuck him till it stinks. Yay. I was going to make the room stink. The first thing I said, we got in the car, we got in the Uber and I said, we're going to make Vancouver stink. I feel OK. Anyway, doesn't matter. I'm walking in Vancouver and there's a place called the Four Brothers Pizza and Four Brothers is brothers with an apostrophe S.

OK, so I walked by that and I thought that that was wrong. It is because I was like's saying that like the four, the four brother is the name of the troop. And it's their possessive pizza place. And Kyle said, no, we do that in Canada. What? And I was like, do what? And he's like, we will put like apostrophe S there in that situation. And I was, I was like, I think you're wrong.

He's spreading COVID and misinformation. But- I think he's right. He's right. No, no, no, no, don't do this. Yeah, I mean, you're the one that can tell us this. I don't know Canadian rules. I was like, wouldn't the apostrophe go-

It would go after the S. It would go after the S. Apostrophe S is only possessive or is. Kyle also drives a motorcycle, so take that for what you will. What if it's four brother is pizza? Four brother is pizza. That's exactly what I said.

I said that's four brother's is pizza. No, it's four brother is pizza. Um, maybe not, yeah. I mean, apostrophe's an I. So he- Four brother is pizza. Four brother- Wait, was it after?

Okay, if it's after, that's correct. You're just dumb. Was it after? No, no. No's correct you're just dumb was it after no just to be clear is a 604 area code which is a Vancouver yeah the front shown evidence from a man he can't admit that he's wrong no just scream no how many times you how many times you had this happen to no one said anything Bernsteinerenstain Bears. It's not Berenstain Bears, bro. It's not Nelson Mandela. You're a bitch, bro.

The conversation was about whether or not it's talking about four people or a group that is called four brothers, like they're like the Avengers. All I'm saying is that- That's what the conversation is about. I think that is because he's still wrong. No, it's correct. We'll explain where because if you're if it's a plural, if it's a possessive apostrophe for a plural word,

then the S goes to indicate plurality and the apostrophe goes to indicate possessiveness. Correct. Like James. But why would why would they want the possessiveness of the pizza? It's not the four brothers pizza. This is what the conversation is about. It is the four brothers pizza.

It changes the pronunciation of the word, right? Because it's the four brothers. Let's say it. What's in the restaurant? Like an implied like syllable, like the brothers. But yeah, the restaurant is called Four Brothers. That's the title of the restaurant. It can be both.

It can. Both of these are correct. If it had no apostrophe, it's Four Brothers Restaurant. OK, it's a four brothers is restaurant. That's what that's indicated. But I think you wouldn't. You wouldn't want to. It's not the brothers pizza. Yes. It's it's a four brothers is restaurant. That's what that's indicated. But I think you wouldn't. Yeah, you wouldn't want the brother. It's not the brothers pizza.

They give the pizza. They can name what they want. They can name it. It's not a sucker anonymous. Yeah, here's what I thought. Maybe Kyle is onto something here because there's differences between English and American English often.

English. But it's this is the same. I speak proper English. This is the same. Is that that? I looked up a video. Do you often. English? But it's this is the same. And you guys speak proper English. This is the same. Is that that? I looked up a video today on how to make, cause I was, I eat oatmeal now cause I have to eat like a grandma. So I eat mostly bananas, oatmeal and dick.

These are good food. Grandma. You're not even eating dick. Spotted dicks? And I looked up this, this video about how oatmeal is made, and it was by this British documentary, and it was this woman, and she's going, and this part's called the crote,

and we take the crote and we smoosh it. I was like, this is un-serious. I'm sorry, bro. I do not. British people are very un-serious. What part is the crote? It's the crote is like the... I think it's like right here.

The balls in it. Don't do that. Don't put a middle finger. It's what they call the tail. Oh think it's like right here. The balls in it. Don't do that! What? Don't put a middle finger. It's what they call the taint. Oh, it's usually in there, bro. That's experience. That's a Pavlovian response.

Dude, Aiden lifted his legs up and doing that. I had to teach Janet what that was. I was shocked. She didn't know what a gooch was. Who? Or a taint. Janet Chokobars. She didn't know what...

She'd never heard of taint. She damn 30 years old, never heard of a taint, gooch. What did you teach her? I said... I said... I said... I said... I said... I said... I said... Uh, uh, Gooch was. Who? Or a taint. Janet Chocobars. You didn't know what- She'd never heard of taint. She damn thirty years old, never heard of a taint. Gooch.

What did you teach her? That's- I said- I did teach her. I said, here's Aiden. Now this is a picture of him rubbing his taint. Be the secret picture I got of him in the toilet. Uh, no.

You have a picture of me rubbing my taint. Was, cause when I sneeze, it hurts my taint. No it doesn't. Yeah, and Hank Green told you that you should go to the doctor did you? No I didn't do that. Fucking pussy. He'll probably try to put a stick of heart in your... He'll probably try to replace my heart like slimes and trick me.

But no I went out of 11 times when I sneeze it hurts my taint. Like not hurt like owowowowowowowowowowowow We've talked about this. You're getting a prostate cancer bro. I don't have a prostate. Well let's check it. One out of eleven. It's like a purple. A purple case. Do you know how big a prostate can get by the way? Yes. Huge. I'm out of this. I'm in that video. Golf ball? I watched the video. I watched the video. Don't ask me. Tennis ball. Yes. Really? Tennis ball. Oh, I bet you could fucking nut for an hour. And that's like common for older people. Yes. This is like it's not like a rare tennis ball. It's like common tennis ball.

I'm getting tennis ball in my gooch. You're getting tennis ball in your gooch. That's pressing up against your piss lines. You would probably feel that, right? You would a hundred percent feel like you'd be like sloshing around and be like, well, I think it's taped. I think it's taped to your Bladder don't say taped. Well, I don't know how they fucking connect it. It's taped on. It's on there. It's flexed it It's on there. It's a good on there. Do you just squeezing it like a chocolate orange?

And be awesome. Oh so gross I'm more squeamish these days. Yeah Nauseous now from this dude. We were eating at this restaurant the other night and Cutie was talking. I won't say it with the details, like maybe she doesn't want me to. But Cutie starts a conversation about diarrhea. And I think she said she loves diarrhea. OK, well, she loves diarrhea. She hit herself and she's telling us the story of the food.

And I'm like trying to put food in my mouth. And I'm literally imagining the food is diarrhea, like viscerally. Like I can feel poop going down my Throat in my body So it's like a friend of mine telling the story. So I'm like now imagining that poop Ewww yeah And I couldn't it was like don't think of a penguin right? Stop thinking about it

I knew it's cuties poop Stop it I don't want to know I don't even want to imagine You're the one thinking about eating it She's a girl so it doesn't exist Yeah yeah it's eating nothing It's ghost poop

It's ghost poop And I was just like I I just couldn't eat. I just put the food down until the story was over. And that wasn't always a problem for me. It was a weird dinner conversation. No. Yes. Where else are we to break bread?

It was weird dinner timed conversation. Cause we could have, we could have had, when we were getting the waters, maybe we could talk about the diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the first 20. Where else to break bread? Talk about our bodies. What do you fucking like Roman?

Our holes. Roman Elon. What happened to tradition? Our beautiful nation used to get together at dinner and talk about our holes and what comes out of them. Speaking of holes, Shakedrizzle real quick, went to watch Sinners. Oh, I saw it. I saw Sinners.

You saw Sinners? You see my tweet? I did not see your tweet. I said, I like Sinners. Oh, I saw it. I saw Sinners. You saw Sinners? You see my tweet? I did not see your tweet. I said, I like Sinners. I too hate the Irish. Good tweet. And we watched. You've all seen it?

No. You've all seen it? Well. Haven't seen it? I continue. I guess he hasn't seen it. In it, Sinners spoilers. This is a light spoiler.

Very light. But in it, there is an Asian couple. Okay, no, that's a spoiler. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Yeah, I guess he hasn't seen it in it sinner spoilers. This is a light spoil very light But so light there is an Asian couple. Okay. No, that's a spoiler It's not a that's a that's a spoiler. That's a spoiler

Yeah, that the existence of an Asian couple in the lit of a spoiler if we're watching a Western and there's an Asian couple I'm gonna be like There's an Asian couple not specifically a non enslaved Asian. Yes. And they run the Wild West and they run a store and and they're helping like this. Call him the main character. What's the time period of the movie? I don't know. 1902.

He has like 1900s. OK, they're helping. They're helping Michael B. Jordan and Michael B. Jordan Set up like a little... a soiree. 1902? No, it has to be later than that. Why? Right? Cause of the vehicles? Oh yeah, probably 1920. 1928. Yes, it could be Prohibition era actually.

Maybe that's why it works. Anyway, that's all you need to know. And we get out of the movie, it's be prohibition era, actually. Maybe that's why it works. Anyway, that's that's that's all you need to know. And we get out of the movie. It's in the 30s. We get out of the movies. And the first thing, she says, he goes, But why were there Asians in it? And then throughout the whole night, he just keeps going around.

He's like, no, he did not. I just don't get. No, he did. Why there's a game? He kept bringing it up. And then we walk to a bar and he continues. No, he did not. I just don't get It up we walked to a bar and he continues Yes, like like for the persistent on it and he was like he was like were there Asian people back then like they never mentioned why and I was like I was like, what are you doing here? And this got the heat off of me immediately because I had just brought up the showy Otani thing because of Ludwig's drink. Right, because of the graceful head jacket.

So the heat was immediately transferred to Shake Drizzle. It was excellent. It was great. Yeah, I don't know what's going on with him lately. We should talk to... I think it's Drizz. I think it's Drizz. I think it's Drizz. I think that Drizz was talking. Drizz is like Venom for him. In Drizz's defense. By the way, Drizz way Driz is not be confused about Asian people being around if he's constantly DJing eSports parties Why aren't they dancing? Shake Drizzle's DJ name just so everyone's on the same wavelength. Yes Sorry, you were saying about Driz

When I watched Django and Chame the first time you know that when he When Django is getting sent off to like the mines with that group of slavers, and then one of them is one of them's Australian. They just speaking in an Australian accent. That's like Quentin Tarantino. And I had the same thought. I was like, there were Australians back then, like kind of genuine. And I was like, why is this Australian like a slaver in the US?

Here's actually why. and this is all speculation. It's because Quentin Tarantino wanted to say it again, but he needed to do it in a different way to keep the heat off of him. So he's just like, I'll just be Australian and then I can say it again. Wait, it was Quentin Tarantino acting? Yeah, you know, in Jango Unchained? Yeah. Not in like 12 years?

Quentin Tarantino is in the movie for the scenes speaking in Australian. I said, he says, go and change. Smitty McCall and my call says it. He might. I don't know if he says it. It's amazing. Maybe because that's it. You love. Relax.

But I mean, and then I had to look up after and find like the historical context of like why Australians were and there were Australians. There were and why Australians were. And there were Australians. There were. And there just were. And there were Asians. And American and there were. There were. Yeah. But the Dries, sorry, stage interest being so pissed about it is probably a problem.

That's what he kept saying. He's like, I'm not mad about it. I just want to know why. Liza, can you look it up? Can you look up where there are Asian people? Oh, it's so fucking funny. I'm not mad about it. I'm know why. Why would it be so funny? Liza, can you look it up? Can you look up where there are Asian people? Oh, it's so fucking funny. I'm not mad about it.

I'm not mad. I saw it last night actually, and I saw it in the theaters, and you know what played as previews? A preview for Dandadan. What? Dandadan. And I was like, this looks sick. It is sick.

Is that what you've been fucking biting at? Yes, man! Yes! I'm like, damn! It wasn't live action, it was just like... No, it was anime. I've been telling you! Why do they, like an anime movie, or like they're bringing their fucking...

Is it a movie? It's a show. Well, so there's no movie. No, but why is it a theater trailer? Uh, I don't know. I wouldn't know what the trailer is. Also, trailers are really gross now. Like, there's this movie coming out

with Benedict Cumberbatch and like Andy Samberg, and all these like, a lot of like famous people. It sounds awesome. It's not. It's from the trailer. It's like this movie about this guy who like has a failing marriage and he's trying to get out of his wife's trying to take everything and it's supposed to be a comedy and it's cut together like the most it's cut together.

I think in like one second cuts the roses. It it looks so shit. Oh, it's a remake. Yeah, whatever. Look at all these people in it. Yeah, no, it's a hit list. But basically you watch the trailer and it's this like slop cut,

which trailers usually are, but I'm like in no way, maybe I'm just jaded, but it's like this movie looks so fucking terrible. No, I think our goats are watched, washed I should say, because I watched the four seasons on Netflix. What was that?

It's a show with Steve Carell and it's about like three couples who always go on vacation and one couple is going through divorce. Okay. Steve Carell, Will Forte. Oh, I know about that. Who's not Amy Poehler? Who's the other girl? Tina Fey. So they got some hits. They're all washed, bro. They're washed.

It is such a fucking tragedy to get older and not be funny anymore when it's your only thing. I feel like, I feel like, like, OK, let's use like Tim Heidecker as an example. True. I think he's he's in there. He is. You know, he's just making only unfunny things right now. Yeah, but at least he's doing it in like. It's that fire. Huh? It's that fire. You think it's it's like writing to and a lot of people you just said, like

Steve Carell, right? They moved on to more serious roles. They aren't like it's OK to be serious, but it's like if you're if you come out of the woodwork and you don't have your fastball anymore for being funny and you're like 60, it's like you just became unattached to like the human experience because you're rich now. Like you were saying about stand-up comedians last episode. And I've been thinking about it a lot.

It's like, what a fucking cruel fate. Do you think it's fine if you're only doing serious movies and you're a good actor? You can transition to serious roles, but if you try to be funny again and you just don't have it... Because being funny is about being culturally sensitive and contextually smart and shit. And it just means you're dumb. If you're not funny, you're dumb. Too separated. I think you can make pretty much any funny person unfunny

with the wrong role or the wrong script, though. I do. I also agree. So you want to see them in moments where they're doing maybe interviews or red carpets and they're still got that spark. Yeah. And if you can't see that. Adam Scott did, he was doing a severance interview with all the cast members and he made a joke about something in the show, about one of the goats, and it was really funny. And I'm like, that's the real Adam Scott. He's doing like a severance like interview with all the cast members. And he made a joke about something in the show, about one of the goats.

And it was really funny. And I'm like, that's the real Adam Scott. He's funny. Not this like this like ooh, woo severance core. I think that's projected onto him. I don't think I do, too. But, you know, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I feel there's a lot of good movies coming out that one.

Leo, Dave Franco. Oh, Alison Brie movie. That looks fucking sick. It's a lot of good movies coming out that one, uh, Dave Franco, Oh, Alison Brie movie That looks fucking sick. It's a horror and they're like a couple. Oh, they're married They're married in real life real life, but they're also in this movie. They're married in real life and acting in the damn movie together You can't do that. They're the two stars That's how you solve cheating in Hollywood. I will only work with my wife. Sorry No fucking kissing or smooching anyone! Sorry, wife guy here. And then I think that Paul Rudd and Tim Robinson movie looks funny.

Yeah, it looks okay. Yeah, I wanna see that. It's just, it's playing in like a week. We're watching that. You can't let yourself not be funny anymore if it was your only job. Uh, yeah, well... We're talking about people that it's not their only job, right? But this happens to YouTubers and streamers, and it there's less fire. We're talking about people that it's not their only job, right? But this happens to YouTubers and streamers.

And it is their only job. And you know what? Is they just become washed because they get fat and happy. Happy is a big word too. Like, I think maybe if you're happier you are less funny. But it's like, you can still make it like, I don't know, Jerma seems pretty happy.

Comfort is the devil of success. It is the devil of success. Would you ever act in a movie with Cutie Cinderella? Um, yeah. He thought he thought about it. He thought about it. That's enough to get her pissed off later. Why did you think about it? Because I thought, hmm, this sounds like so much fun.

Is it just going to be one time? I thought I thought, how would I feel about not being the star? You could say that, how would I feel about not being the star? You could say that. How would I feel about not being the star? She would be so much better than me. In the film. I actually think she would hate acting. You think so?

Yeah, because it's so vulnerable in front of so many people. Isn't she like good at that though? Ummm I think she can talk about diarrhea at dinner she can do anything. That's true. I believe in your pooping girlfriend. I believe in your pooping girlfriend. And you're making me come around to believe in her. You're welcome.

I believe in your pooping girlfriend. Shit down her leg, I believe in her. I believe in her. I pulled up, I was just driving yesterday. I've never seen this two people on the side of the road. One car just pounding each other in the face like in a full on fight on the side of the highway. They were both in bow ties like in suits and just punching

each other in the face. Wait, both in bow ties. Yes. Was it being recorded? Was there a camera? No, yes, either music video. Neither. Nobody else was around.

I was driving and I think there was a situation in front of me where I think everybody was looking while they were in traffic. And then two cars in front of me almost hit each other because I think they were watching what was going on to the right. Do they have gloves? Uh, no gloves. Okay. No gloves.

They're in full tuxedos with boxing gloves. One of them was smiling. Like one of them had a big smile on his face and then they were just fucking back and forth. You gotta just have it out every once in a while. How many times you gotta have it out? I see another guy in a bow tie in public. It's on time.

There could only be one of us. Yeah, only one of us. Well, there's this, my new favorite Instagram account is this guy. And I think he's Australian. He's like, day one fighting my followers. And he just goes to a park and then just, they both show up in gloves. And the moment they see each other, it's just on site and they just start swinging. That's awesome. And no day one, he gets knocked clean out and he goes and he goes,

yeah, it's day one of fighting my followers until I get knocked out. And he's like, well, that was quick. Let me know if you want me to do it again. Oh, my God. And then he brought it back and I was doing it again. How many days is he? Again is sick because you could kind of cook the books and get knocked out the first time. So you are knocked out.

Yeah. You didn't have to keep fighting people. Yeah. But the fact that he did it again is like day 11 or something. He wants it. That's me. I hold on to that one for as long as I can and then I just release it later and the series. Yeah, you don't have to keep doing it. I have like short hair in the video. I was thinking when D&D comes out, it'll be such a funny, there'll be so many phases of who we were. Dude, my hair should go through like, watch me age 10 to 100. Yeah. It's like, dude, me, bro.

Yeah, yours get really long. In episode one, it's short. And my hair? Also, and you have different hats. This episode, he's wearing the gray one. I was wearing the gray one in that one. But it shouldn't be too big of an issue because it's not coming out. All right. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right. May 2026, we're beating them.

We're beating GTA. It's going to beat GTA 6. Nick comes in. Oh my god. It's been the week of elves. The comedy of elves. I misread the tweet. After the pod, Nick goes, guys, great idea.

D&D race against GTA 6. And we see if we can come out before. I thought the team said 2025. It's like we got D&D before GTA six. And we're all so confused. I was so confused because it was like, OK, we'll race to get it out before like December. And it's like we're going to have a 13 month race. But Nick thought it was coming out earlier,

that they had made an announcement to let everyone know they're releasing the game early because the devs did such a good job in May 2025. I literally don't you understand if it was coming out this month, she would be closed down. That's what I was saying. It's like nobody would be talking about anything else. I was so confused about that part specifically, because I the way I read the tweet, like I read it as an apology, but I read it as an apology for how long it's been.

And now, hey, it's coming now. Sure. Like, sorry for how long it's been. Here's like a soft announcement, which is dumb in hindsight. Yeah. And you burst open the door. I'm like such a non, like, I don't like love GTA. I just like played it casually.

So like, I don't see that tweet and like put too much thought into figuring it out It's just a day of a year Yeah, I did miss ready For brother with an apostrophe before the yes, you're a day attached to it too No, they just said they said it was gonna be this year. Okay, I No, I think it just said May. No, they just said it was going to be this year. Okay, I read it as May 26. May 26, it is May 26.

Oh shit, alright. I read day 26, I did read that, but I thought it was 2025. This is what it got delayed to. GTA V came out 2013? Holy shit. They've been cooking on this bitch for 12 years? That's pretty crazy. That's good though.

12 years is crazy. It's gonna be the biggest game of all time. Yeah, it will. Well, I didn't even play. I didn't even play. I played last time I played was four. Dude, you have five so sick. Five so sick, bro.

Is it actually? Yes. I know I'm asking it. GTA, GTA. Because you live in LA, you should also play it because it's like you're kind of there. This is awesome. Yeah, it's actually so sick. That's the coolest reason for me, I think.

But historically, GTA has always been one of those games where like, I'm like, this is the dopest shit ever. I got to play this. I play it and I go, eh. No, four is low key boring, five is not boring. I'm telling you the fucking truth now. I think my experience with it was playing three on my friend's PC when I would visit him in Canada.

And we would use like, like you know cheats to up the stars and like see how long you could live and it was fun. I think I still know the muscle memory for weapons 2 in Vice City. Oh cuz it was all button commands right? Yeah. You remember you could get like those thick-ass cheat cheat books from like the book fair. I have like 20 of those. Dude, so GTA 3 came out, my friend rented it. He got his parents to let us rent it. And there was this bug in the game because the disc was fucked up,

where if you would go over a street, the texture would not load. So it'd just be this blue void. And you couldn't really, it like glitched the game and you couldn't like advance in missions and stuff. And we just had to hold that. Like imagine you buy a game from Steam and it is bugged, but your friends is on his computer works. That's fucked up.

It sucked so bad. I still remember the trauma of that. And then we just listened to Nelly. Did you, were you allowed to have GTA growing up? Did you play it when you were a kid at your place? My dad, I asked him, I was like, I want this game. It's called Grand Theft Auto Vice City. He's like, OK. And he goes with me to the store and we pick it out and we go to the counter. And the guy at the counter, he's like, just to let you know, this this game has mature themes like violence, sex, drugs, strippers,

you know, killing people, things like that. And my dad was like, so what? And they just bought it for me. Yeah, it was like, oh, yeah, I was like, that's my. That's like Nick's band teacher from that one story where he called your mom in front of the classroom and that guy came out as a pedophile later. So I came out as a pedophile. And so did this game.

I am a pedophile. It was actually beautiful. Everyone clapped. Thank you. Thank you for being brave. Yeah, he's still a teacher. You were a lot. I feel like you could have whatever f*** you wanted. I never dared to ask.

My parents always asked me. Come on, bro. You didn't ask. Your mom was not cool in brain age. You didn't even care about me. Your mom was awesome. I don't know. Did you talk about seed oils in it?

Well, I don't know about this Mario guy. He's a plumber. I don't want you going into those cranes. I couldn't even own Melee, dude. Of course, you know, the only time my dad ever showed expressed any concern for what I was watching was when I was trying to learn how to play Stacey's mom on drums. And I was just looping the song in my bedroom and playing it. And if you've seen the music video, and I was just looping the song in my bedroom and playing it and

If you've seen the music video, there's a hot mom next to the pool wearing wearing a you know, a bathing suit She looks scary. Stacy's mom. Can you pull up Stacy's mom real quick, Zipper? And my dad walked in and I paused the video because someone walked in my room There's just loud music and he looks at the screen and all he sees is the woman in her bathing jealous by the pool He thinks I'm watching porn. Oh, he's like, oh, he's like, uh, I was like, oh, it's a music video And he's like your mom know you like this music. I was like, yes mom knows I like Stacey's mom Yeah, mom knows I like fountains of Wayne, bro damn

Stacey's mom He's got a huge rack. Yeah, she... Damn! And she has a lower hip tattoo. That's like Slime's scar. Don't say shit like that. Why? It looks cool. Oh my god. No, this is almost porn.

Wait, he's... That's your dad. I know it might be wrong, but I'm in love with Stacy's mom. Oh, I forgot he was jacking off. I don't think he was jacking off I don't think he was jacking off. He was definitely jacking off Not that he was fucking being on Some of us just pee hard. He was thinking about her taking her bra They interview the child what he say his heart rate was 45 What'd he say his heart rate was 45?

Record setting pace I have to put the kid in the world record book like well someone had to be there He became a band teacher in so gal My Apple watch gives me updates about what my heart rate. Oh, it gets scary, yeah. Yeah, it's stressing me out. I wear it less. Why does it stress you out? What are you fucking- If your heart rate drops too low. It literally goes like, bring, bring, bring. Heart rate, 38. This could be a medical emergency. Your heart rate gets to 38?

Yes, it does. Are you serious? It's so low. Oh man. When I'm clutching in CSGO. When I'm on really fast walks. Usually it's 14. I'm like, you should get an EKG.

I think you might have- I did it on the watch. You might, by like a real one. Wait, what's your average resting heart rate? Uh, like 55. That's normal. That's more normal. Yeah, maybe you have PVCs and you can get the awesome surgery I did. And we'd be blood brothers on our balls, brothers.

I would refuse a surgery. No, you wouldn't. I would. I would do it myself. I would go Eastern. And I will pray a surgery. No, you wouldn't. I would. I would do it myself. I would go Eastern. And I will pray that my heart gets zapped from within. And I will control my Osmosis Jones character. If it were up to you, you would have tried acupuncture to fix your burst appendix and fucking died on the slopes.

Yeah, well, it actually was up to me to be clear. I forgot your appendix burst. They don't force you to get an appendicitis surgery. It did burst forgot about that and it changed me. Okay, it made me nicer. Mm-hmm. No, it didn't Yes appendix holds a lot of anger emotion Like the demon evil Ludwig was held like that came out during Mario Party Yeah, actually I have a big theory about this and my child was making fun of me because I was asking Hank Green and big theory about this and my child was making fun of me because I was asking Hank Green and he was like, yes, like your brain controls 100% of your thought and emotions and I was like, I feel like your gut controls a little bit.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like your gut and your gut biome and like what and what did the scientist Hank Green say to that? He goes, maybe a bit because the argument where the conversation started is like such an uncharitable way to speak about that. That's how we talk.

You can't help it. I watched it. And the argument was, or was talking about how pig liver worked on a human a human cadaver. It functioned. Yeah, they hooked up a pig liver to a human cadaver and it worked. And so if you replace a human kidney with a pig kidney, I was saying it would change you. Yeah, well, a kidney is really just a blood filter. I know, but it would change you.

We can replace that with an organ with a- It would change you. That's how they knew it was working because it started dribbling pee. It would change you to some degree, slime. I think I've been changed because I got here this morning and I was just sitting quietly like a fucking normal man and Nick's like, I know you're boiling right now And I was like, I'm not boiling. He was boiling. He was boiling. No, he was you second seconds later He goes it is crazy that he

Because you're trying to get him to simmer you're like holding the pot down trying to force the heat Hey, you're fucking boiling. Are you pussy pussy? God forbid I prod him. You know, I was thinking about when we're talking with GTAs that like, maybe I've talked about this before, but when San Andreas came out, it was like not everyone had it. You kind of had to like find a squad that did have it and also whose parents were OK with having the game

and also his parents were OK with having a bunch of kids over. And yeah, so we had to like go to Jordan's place. I feel like that's actually a surprisingly. And he was such a dad. That's actually a surprisingly small share of the Venn diagram. Yeah, no. Parents that are simultaneously like chill enough or not responsible enough to like let their kid play GTA.

And then also also is down to host. Like my mom was fine with the video games. But if I had like four friends over, she'd be like, it's a little too much, you think? And I'm like, I'll be like, oh, sorry. Yeah, I was a lot of play I was a lot of play GTA if I went to the ham quiz house like a family friend and But you never get to sink your teeth in all I just walk around and beat the shit out of people Yeah, you bought random cars. The the multiplayer GTA land experience is Fighting the cops until you die and then passing the controller.

Yes. GTA 4 was swing set glitch. You guys ever do swing set glitch? I don't know what that even means. You go to the first island and you park your car on the swing set and you drive up it slowly. And then eventually the game goes, I don't know where to put you.

And so it just shoots you into the sky. You go all the way to the top of the sky box and then sometimes if you do it if you do it good enough you can get to another island all the way across the world and you just explode it's fun. So you just glitch on the swing set. Do you ever do the Don't be so dismissive. No I'm interested. It sounds like you don't think the swing set glitches cool. I think the swing set glitches glitch. Don't smile. Don't smile. Say without a smile. That was cool.

That's too rough. He's like a divorced dad. That's cool. He did good. Where are the hugs at? Where are the hugs? Hey Ludwig, you've been snacking a lot. We can just kind of physically tell.

We can tell that physically from what you're wearing and how your body looks. No, do not reach down for that. No, do not reach down for that snack. You've had too many snacks. Lud, we need to get you on some smarter snacks. We need to get you on more quality, enjoyable snacks than the slop you've been eating. I don't believe in that. Well, we're going to start.

I don't think there's a way for me to eat healthy if and at the rate I want to eat because I need a lot of food. Well, that's a good that's actually a good point because hunger can tangle itself to all of your needs. Maybe you put that away for the ad read. I don't think the ad read will really benefit. What does hunger have? Well, you can make you can make meals in less than 15 minutes. Okay, there's no high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners or preservatives in any of their foods. I'm a very busy man. I can see you basically have only high fructose corn syrup and artificial sweeteners in your stomach at the moment.

Yeah, we're trying to get you off that through hungry root. Yeah. The opposite of what you're doing already. You're saying I look sweet. I'm saying you're sweet in some ways, but you're sweeter than someone else probably. Look 15 minutes or less. Alright, so I'll make a few snacks and I'll tell you yum or yuck. Okay, mini mint cookies. Is that yum or yuck? You didn't say yum or yuck. I'm sorry, it's yum. Okay, fruit jerky is like mango and pineapple. That's yum? Okay.

What about salami snack packs? Don't fuck with that. Okay, what about like a full meal? What about like a seared steak Caesar salad? Yeah, that's a good snack. You can use a salad. That's a good snack. Didn't you have the grass-fed ground beef burger the other day?

Yesterday I had three burgers. Okay, so it's good to not eat that much because it's insane. It was so good though. I just kept eating and I said, Q, do you want two? And she said no. And I was like, well, I already cooked four. Well, Papa's eating four himself then. Here we go.

Well, if you guys want a Hungry Root, you can go to hungryroot.com slash the yard and use code the yard for a limited time. Get 40% off your first box plus get a free item in every box for life. And I try every single box that gets shipped out to you guys. I'll have one piece of it. So if you notice something missing, that was me, quality assurance.

Right, that's the hungryroot pop attacks. Go to hungryroot.com slash the yard and use code the yard. For 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. That's your whole life. My free item for life would be divaups and I'd give them to women. Oh, and then you could fill them with sauce. Anyway, let's get back to the episode.

Fill them with sauce and dip your fries in them. Thank you. We should make a GTA, but it's all... Yard that Thotto? Yeah, Yard that Thotto. It's all inside of like a Wendy's. They already kind of have that. Wendy's just in the normal game.

Yeah, it is. No, no, no, all of it. But we're the size of like a toy, so They already kind of have that. Wendy's just in the normal game. Yeah, it is. No, no, no. All of it. You're but we're the size of like a like a toy. So it's still the same size world. So it's like Toy Story, but GTA in a Wendy's. No, it's like in a Canes. It's like D.E. Rats. You ever play that CS map?

No, it's just in a kitchen. Your little tiny guys in the kitchen. So that's a great. Mike, can you look up rats? There's rats everywhere. Rats is a great. Mike, you look of rats. Rats everywhere. You'd love that map. Did what was the game? The it was like this little cartoon guy, but you were

it was all about strippers and Larry leisure suit. Larry leisure suit. Larry. Yeah, it was a is a Gunnar game. We don't really have those much anymore. What does that mean? Like to literal jerk off? Just yeah, just like a crude game for like adults, but also teens low-key. Oh, like, like a... Look at Rats, bro. This map's sick. Oh my god!

You in the kitchen? You never seen this map? No, this is sick! This is extremely sick. Dude, this should be... imagine... I think teens spawn on the ground. I want you to imagine you're at the Major. There's hundreds of thousands of people watching. Wait, what the fuck is...

Pause on Chris Cyber Rats Spain. I think it's just the old 1.6 player. That is such a cool logo. It would be so funny if you were watching Niko and Monacy play on this map at a big tournament. One going serial. Yeah. He's shelf, he's shelf.

Op is cookies. He used the 4k behind cookies! Oh, they're coming through! Oh, they're coming through! The little mouse hole. I think CT spawn on the ground. That is cute. Yeah, Rats is cool. Wait used the 4k behind cookies! Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through!

Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through!

Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through!

Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through! Oh they're coming through! Oh they're in the pipes and shit. This is so be It's like Toy Story some bullshit Games are fucking awesome. What about now? I think when I was growing up maybe because you had to buy games in stores and you didn't just download everything there was a like a popular culture of games like GTA or like a popular culture of games like GTA or Manhunt was that one really violent game? Dude, my friend and I were obsessed with Manhunt, extremely violent.

Zippor, can you look up Manhunt Fatalities or whatever? Basically, do you ever play it? It's crazy. No. It was a rock star game and it was a stealth game, very simple gameplay, kind of boring honestly. And you had to assassinate people. And basically there were three ways. The longer you held behind them, you could kill them in more violent ways

with a different weapon. And there's like 300. No, that's too many. There's probably like 70 executions. OK, go to one with like a weapon. The machete one with the knife is crazy because you just. No, I go to it. Oh, yeah.

Go deep. It's like a screwdriver go towards uh the most viewed yeah yeah yeah there's a sickle oh yeah that was good that's a sickle up the ass oh yeah yeah dude boom video games are amazing yeah and this was a cut rockstar did this they were like the controversial guys this game actually came out for the Wii which was kind of To I think yeah, yeah, and the I remember what was crazy is you know how there's like ratings for video games right and for mature T for teen they released the original release of like the second one was the Was adults it was so violent five that it wasn't rated M.

Can you turn on the volume? Some of the sound effects for these are crazy. Is there any collectibles or are you just walk around killing all the models? You can get a high score in the game. Yeah, the idea is that it's a snuff movie. And so whenever you kill someone, it goes in like a cinematic. We'll play this game constantly.

It was awesome. Bro, I guess you guys never heard that. That's that's kind of what I mean is like that game or no, that's what I played, too. But I knew that games like this existed in Grand Theft Auto. I just feel like when you look at games that are popular now, or what people play, there isn't... There aren't mainstream video games that are as edgy, or like as controversial.

Do you know what I mean? I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's just interesting. I think it's tough because that game is basically, this is violence. This is unadulterated violence porn. And GTA was more like you're a criminal and like you can do things that just wasn't really in games. But now those lines are all way pushed out. So if you're trying to cross lines, you're kind of just making like Nazis being good guys type of games. You have to go really past something that most people... We've seen that game a million times now.

Right. Yeah. What about like... In so many different ways. Wasn't there a mode in San Andreas where you could like fuck somebody? There was a hot coffee mod. It was in the game but it was unaccessible in the code and then someone modded the PC version. So you had sex as a mini game. And that started a whole insane con... Like governors were talking about that, bro.

Dude, I tried to mod my sim so when they woohooed it wouldn't have the sheets. minigame and that started a whole insane con like governors were talking about that bro dude I Mod my sim so when they woohooed it wouldn't have the sheets And it was such a pathetic image when you remove the sheets dude cuz they don't have balls and shit right it's just Ken doll Yeah, and they still do the spinning thing The what things when they spin in the bed it like makes like a cartoon spin right? What are they doing like a fucking Mario Odyssey spin in the bed it like makes like a cartoon spin right what are they doing like a fucking Mario Odyssey spin in the bed for points or something? Or like you know they it's like when like a really fast person cleans in a cartoon yeah it's like when Pigpen walks around in Charlie Brown. Just a slurry of a mess. I had a fun modding moment recently my whole last seven months I was so I had a heart I

was looking for footage like old footage because I lost one of my computers and I'm like trying to see what I lost. I found an old hard drive. And this is a hard drive from probably like high school. So I plug it in and I'm going through looking for the footage and there's a folder that's labeled Patch MP, which is a COD 4 mod. And back then, I definitely would have been trying to download COD4 mods,

but I would not have known what that file is. I would have got that and it would have been like, oh, this is not what I thought it was. I thought this would be, I thought I could put this on a USB stick and put it in my normal Xbox and run it. But now I know what it is. So I was like, oh, I could run that. So I put it in my fucking console and ran it so McDavish and that would be so much better

Was it cool? No, it was just like a like a shitty pro mod thing I was like, oh I could make this now you could make it from the ground I could make this from the ground up back then I didn't even know what it was I like those little moments when you realize like if you were to somehow be able to talk to like my adult Hasnick you're like, hey buddy Today to Alex I was like dude if I knew what I knew now when I was 14 I would have had the dopest summer of all time You'd be such a cool fucking 14 year old

Yeah, I mean you could do many things No, only for this No, Nick really grinds this bro, I was the only one in the office It's like Saturday night Yeah, he's fucking obsessed I think I streamed till like 10 o'clock. And I get out and it's just Nick alone in the PSL setup. And I'm like, so?

He's like Yoda. And he's just fucking hammering home his QA. Why can't you be happy that Nick's our son's learning something? I'm just saying he's growing. I'm trying to paint a picture of the less seen moments of Nick. Every time he develops a hobby, you start saying things like this. I don't be saying. And I don't think it's a very positive environment. First off,

I got the stock market. For our son. We haven't talked about it. PSL was a treat, okay? PSL was a treat, not that you two would know. No, he played a game. Wait, I played a game. Oh yeah, he played a game.

And I did okay. He played a game. I don't go to shit and I will never go to shit. He played a game that went upstairs and played CS. Or I will put you to sleep. It was crazy that he wouldn't play CS though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was there the whole damn, it put you to sleep. It was crazy that he wouldn't play CS. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was there the whole damn time.

It was a treat. It was a treat. And what? I was just saying, because he's on fucking Godmode May, where he's not allowed to play video games unless he unlocks it with exercise. Yeah. And I am doing reverse Ramadan.

So you only eat when the sun is out? That's right. OK, that's not bad. Thank you. Because you wake up late enough that it's just kind of like intermittent fasting. Don't try to make it an insult. You don't wake up early enough to... Yeah, you wake up so late.

That must be hard for you. You're hard on our other son too. But sometimes he needs it. I push. I push our kids. And what's your God mode may? Uh, I didn't make one. You didn't make one? No, it's such a, no, it's such a joke. I'm tired. I'm tired of this shit. This Josh man bullshit propaganda.

Josh man starts God mode may he has all these people, people I've never heard of. He's got like Crudo, not I've heard of Crudo, but he's like Crudo, Sun Tzu, all these like smashers and then he's got like some Australian guys. Like he's just telling everybody, it's God Mode May, bro. Josh is new Aiden. And everyone has a spreadsheet and all this shit. And Josh is just not doing. What's?

He's just not. He just created this whole thing. God Mode May is a marketing campaign from Josh. Yep. Big Josh. AKA Sora, AKA Big Josh. And it is basically doing some sort of Lent-like challenge. You pick the things that the best version

of yourself would do in life. Like if you think of idealize the best version of yourself, and for one month you do all that. And sometimes people will make it small, sometimes people make it big, but most of the time, I think because of Josh's encouragement in lead, people make it pretty big. and Josh makes it the biggest. And what is his this year?

Well, the thing is, his isn't even that crazy. I can last year. His was in last year. It was crazy. And then he tapped out like day two. Last year, it was unironically like workout an hour a day. Read one book per day. Save one woman's life every week. And like he just couldn't keep up and then he quit. But still, even though he didn't do Godmode May last year,

he becomes the bastion and leads it. He does become the bastion of Godmode May. He leads it. And there's like an Excel spreadsheet with everybody's like little list of what they need to do. And there are names. It's like Bingee. His is fine. His is fine. It's call fan in his spreadsheet. It says FAMBAM, which is his family.

Call fam bam. Call fam bam once a week. Call Pupilinyea. Call Pupilinyea once a week. Peloton Max one hour a day. Oh, he bought the he bought the Peloton. Yeah, he's renting one. Oh, right. Resistance training three times a week. 20 minutes of reading five times a week. No drinking or zins at a tournament at all.

He's a professional melee player and meditation practice every day for 15 minutes. So doable. He just hasn't been doing it. How do you know? Wait, because I just know. Call. Oh, you got to check in. Yeah, we definitely got to check in. Don't fucking put words in his fucking mouth. Do you have did you pick things? Do you have things? I do have a God mode may.

My God mode may is a marathon. Is it to be? No, you just said run a marathon and then you fucking took a dump in your pants and left. My- This is a marathon! It's not run a marathon. I am not drinking in the month of May. No drinking?

No drinking. Alcohol in the month of May. You don't drink a lot. I don't drink a lot, but I just won't drink in the month of May. And I'm also eating good. In the neighborhood. And I'm running a half marathon. What did you eat today?

Gonna make a record in the month of May. What did you eat today? Going to make a record. What do you have today so far? I had a protein bar, Dessert, and a tea. Okay. Hey Josh, we're on the podcast and I have some things to ask you.

Oh man. What can I ask you? How's God Mode May been going? Who sent you? I just, I'm just curious because... Because it's May 5th, Josh, and there's so many days left in May. Because we're not a week through it. May the 4th be with you, by the way.

May the 5th be with you too, Josh. Now, where are we on the God mode May? Have we been keeping up? Now, where are we on the God mode Mei? Have we been keeping up? Yes, like so, so much Godding and Meiing. It's just going so well. So we're on day five. And by the way, I can see the spreadsheet.

Oh, no, that's that's more for like, like your type of people. What is that? Like those who are like most likely not going to do it, you know? Right. I'm not even on it. I'm just doing it myself. But you seem to not be putting any check marks on the spreadsheet in your column. You check marks.

Oh, weird. I hear him clicking, dude. Have you read a book? Have you read a damn book? Yes. What book? What book? Have you read a damn book? Yes. What book? What book? It's called. It's a bit of a niche one. Atomic Habits.

You're still reading Atomic Habits. Josh, you were reading that in twenty twenty three. I'm not kidding. Oh, he didn't read. He's probably some points in that book that I didn't really sink in the first. Yeah, the second read through I do is it that mobile mentality is the other one you're reading the thing is I'm kind of like, you know explaining myself right now Like kind of snake in the Garden of Eden vibes from you right now. Have you called?

Did you call pop open? Yeah this week? The thing is the week. Oh my god The thing is the week oh my god Starts from the first of May, you know, so Well, I just wanted to see how you're doing because I feel like you do this big campaign this marketing campaign of big Josh God mode may and then day five comes around and it seems like the Peloton is collecting a bit of dust. Does this feel good for you? Honestly, yeah, it feels, because I'm doing mine. I said, you know what I said, no diet cokes.

Okay. Wow, this guy doesn't drink diet cokes, guys. This is your king. This is like finding out that the CEO of PETA isn't like a vegetarian. Yeah, this is unerotically the plot of Wizard of Oz. Tim Cook has a Samsung Galaxy. Can I be the lion? All right, Josh, hey, keep it up.

Keep rocking in the free world. He is the wizard. God mode may is a sham. It's a sham. Well, it's not a sham. It's a good. It's not a sham. It is right.

Are you doing God on May? I am. What are your it's no workout till no game to work out. I have to exercise before I play video games. That's going well. Go to bed by 1230 and wake up by 830 for every workday. And then, oh, no, Oubon eat eat no buddy no food delivery and then read 20 pages a day I think that's it yeah yeah that's a good list and no it shows her not on time yeah no porn apparently Aidan loves porn you're a porn head he said I'm

watching porn all the time I'm por even joking, I just want to see what's new. We should make some porn and be like you can't watch it. Oh, you would want to watch it so bad. We're gonna be all being a porno together. You're gonna be a porno together with a porno? That would be so fucked up if you guys did a porn together during this month. And then we delete it. The second May is over. May 31st it deletes.

May 31st it blows up. And it's Nick, Ludwig, and me just ballin' each other. Just ballin' each other, brother. Actually, yeah, you know what, go ahead and... You wanna see this, my prostate makes an appearance. I actually thought about it more. It's the size of a bowling ball. You got a bowling ball prostate?

Trusia sent me an image of a very fat Patrick Starr and said, quote, yeah, I'm giving up diet cokes. Ha ha. Super gobbled. This man. He's mad. He did not like people as well. My my gobbled mate is two coffee drinks a day. Max. OK, no sugar in snacks or overtly in food, like sometimes a sugar food.

But like, and also I did cheat on the alfagotto and that's I got the fucking punishment for it So I learned my lesson and then no diet coke No eating after sundown which is reverse Ramadan rules and write a page a day of anything How much coffee were you drinking a day probably like two to four? Damn, I was just I just want to count a coffee bro, but I can't even drink coffee cuz it's acid and give me damn Hiccup. Yeah, I can't drink coffee. Coffee also gives me acid reflux. I'm fucking, I have to eat like a grandma, but I have to fucking gum your shit.

Wait, everyone at home, it's a little late, but there's still three weeks left to get your God mode made. Get on the horse. You don't have to make it big, just make it, I would say make it realistic. Because that's what the point of God mode made should be. Yeah, it's not about being insane. Don't be a Josh. Don't be a Josh. Be a slime. And don't eat the off a good Greek and a bad Greek. I'm so glad someone said it. I've been on I've been on the no sugary snacks thing for almost three, two and a half, three months now.

And Papa made him cry. And bro, we were in we were in Canada and I was like, Kyle's like, you guys want gelato? And Papa's like, Papa wants gelato. Papa wants cream. And I was like, Kyle's like, you guys want gelato? And Papa's like, Papa wants gelato. Papa wants cream. Just get a little cream. And I was like, I'm on vacation. I can have one snack.

Such a hit fall. It hit so good. Oh, my. And then we went right to the casino. I turned one hundred dollars into fifteen hundred dollars like that. So awesome. We're at the casino right outside. I'm talking to a viewer and I'm like red or black and they say red. And I put five hundred on red and I'm like red or black and they say red and I put 500 on red And it just hits Wow clean it would it's so funny if it breaks for the viewer. It's way fun

Cringe ass he read the blackjack table We're a fucking riot mean we in Ludwig are on fire with this dealer and Aiden's like I got my Nintendo switch. I'm out I made two hundred and thirty seven dollars. I'm out. He just wins and then we're like bro. The tables hot the tables Loves us and no one else is sitting with us Yeah, so but the table is hot so we keep throwing it down I turned that thousand to two thousand. Lovely speaking in Japanese to the dealer. Our dealer is. And she was impressed She was like your pronunciation's so good. Our dealer's name is Aya. She's going back to Japan to Have a vacation in Hokkaido, and I'm telling her all the spots. It's beautiful there. I'm telling her the spots

You. She knows every spot he brings up and is unimpressed. That's awesome. So then there's Lake Toya. And then after we hit craps, it was not the best stint, but we're still at 2k. We lost $1000 in 13 minutes. I'm sitting with $2000 in my hands. $2000 Canadian. And I only put in $500. Yeah, so it's like $20.

And then Nick, Devil Nick, goes, want to punt it? I love that. And I always say I cannot lose a shit ton playing craps. So I was like, let's get it back. They did. I didn't lose that. What? I went up 100 dollars playing craps.

Yes. Oh, yeah. I lost a thousand dollars playing because I last hand, I rolled like a god and I just I bet a lot on myself I say let's put and I have two thousand and so we go to a fucking roulette table and and we put a cheeky 500 on red bus break Put another cheeky 500 on red brick bus. Just do it all the way

thousand on red Pull out money from the ATM. No, now we're leaving. We're going home and we're waiting for Aidan. God bless Aidan for whatever he was doing. He's getting cashier. I look at a lot of them like, and he's like, you want to pull out my money?

I had to go to the cashier. So they thought in the time that it would take me to do that, which is just across the room, they would go to the high roller room and try again you look you always look for a chance when you're a gambler and then the idea was simple you go to the high roller blackjack table you run it two time you put everything in two time you get your back fucking brick he meant he bricked and then i hit my one time and then he's like you said what you do and i i double it and i i don't hit. Yeah. So let it be a lesson to you.

Next time you don't take a nap with me and Zipper in the Airbnb, you will lose. I mean, the actual the lesson is Aiden was right. No, the lesson is fucking the lesson is keep gambling. You will win. I went back the next day and I won so big. Okay. Sorry. Aiden made way more than you. I don't know if I did. You made 800. I mean, 800 Canadian. Oh, he made more than me. I don't know if I did. You made 800? I made 800 Canadian.

Oh, he made more than me. And I want to break your switch too. You would have made double him. So like you won very big. But you know, but he's not the the the marker is that I come in with more money or less money. Sure, sure. But what I'm saying is if some guy who was outside of our table won more than Aidan. If we didn't punt, we'd be happy men. When your switch too comes and breaking it in front of you. Don't didn't punt, we'd be happy men. When your switch suit comes,

I'm breaking it in front of you. Don't do that. I wouldn't be happy. I'm traumatized. I'm not gonna break it, but I will get it to Mango. The night would have ended too young, I think. It's cause you guys weren't with me the last time I gambled. And I-

It was bad? It was bad. Oh yeah, you went to the dark place. That was so fun. I went to the dark place for the second time. I think I have the lowest max lost in a casino. In the room. Out of us, yeah. I think so. For sure. I think I have the lowest Max lost in a casino in the out of us. Yeah, I think so.

Sure. I get too scared. I hate losing a lot of money. I love making. That's awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a fucking innovative way to think that is what it's funny.

My most ever lost in my second most are so far apart because of fucking Chad. Oh, yeah, because he was. Really? He just makes you he's down so much more than you that he just makes you think it would be wrong to not lose money. Like more. Yeah. I mean, I do that, but you don't follow my show because you break off from the group. You do break. He has a social game. Do it. So you go on your own mission and come back down.

You want to find your way in the return in the hallway with the gun? Guns. I come back to you with. You want to find your way and then return in the hallway with the gon-gon hat. I see you with a big sword dragging it on the ground. That is exactly what happens. Yeah, it is like that. So we're gambling with slime, he'll lose like 50 at the table we're all sitting at and be like, all right, I'll be right back. And then you'll, you'll only see him for four hours and then later you'll see him and be

like, I'm down $17,000. That is a lot. What happened? He'll be like, I'm up $15,000. It happens like that. Org is crazy. But yeah, I just end up going? I'm up $15,000. It happens like that.

It's crazy. But yeah, I just end up like a hollow, just looking for a fucking soul. But if that happened at my table, if you were at our table and you were losing that much money, you know I'm just gonna start punting. I appreciate that. At least we walk home and we're both like, ah, what are you gonna do? Can't fix his cursed world. Yeah, I told Ludwig the other day when I left this office, I said, if you were in jail, I wouldn't bail you out, because I couldn't bail you out, because I'd be right fucking next to you in the jail

being like that was a crazy ride, motherfucker. Yeah, if you got killed, I wouldn't be at your funeral because I'd be in jail for killing the guy. Simon's on this new kicker, he doesn't say, I love you back to me. He doesn't say it ever. He calls you a motherfucker. You say it all the guy. So I was on this new kicker, it doesn't say I love you back to me. He doesn't say it ever. And he calls you a motherfucker. You say it all the time.

Fuck you motherfucker. I still say it. You just fucking make me say it in annoying spots. I love you. Because I would never weaponize it. I love you. You know what I would do? I would just send him texts.

That it miss you, love you. But then he would like not see it for a day. And now he's exposed. See? And now he's telling this shit and it's fucking annoying it's always on your terms just feeling fuzzy look at you i got a different heart but we're what isn't what you were asking for kind of you've always wanted him to say it on his terms and now he's finally delivered that but his terms are fucking annoying to me wait real quick okay i had to tell

a quick story when we were leaving vancouver me and Nick are on the same flight, and there's this Asian couple next to us. And... Lud, can I move seats? That's what he did. There's a bunch of open seats, and they go to Nick, they go, can you save our spot for us? Which is kind of weird, because there's a bunch of open seats.

Yeah, it was like a huge airport full of open seats. And they're like, can you save these spots? So Nick thought he was getting pranked, but they come back. And I see the man, he's wearing a, he's wearing a captain's ship hat. And I go, that's a great hat, like a boating hat. Yeah, yeah, okay. And he goes, thank you. I got it 10 years ago. I wear it every cruise. And I go, that's awesome. And then we just start to strike up normal conversation. And Nick starts doing this thing where he's like, just constantly throwing jabs at me to them.

Not in the conversation. I do this physically. I was going to say, you sometimes you do it for real. But it's but they're landing. So like they bring up their daughter and he's like, yeah, my daughter went to a really good school. And it's like, yeah, this guy went to the heart of the Southwest. And he goes,, yeah, my daughter went to a really good school and it's like, yeah, this guy went to the harvest southwest Asu and he goes like this a guy who was like a guy who was totally engaged

Like just doesn't care And then right after his wife goes into like a little rant about how like some people are a student Yeah, some people are B students, and some are C students. This is where she goes. She goes, because we're talking about how her daughter has, she's going to a great school. That's awesome. And she gets great grades. And we're like, it's so cool.

And then the wife goes, yeah, well, the people who get A's, they're very smart. So they work the important jobs. And the people who get B's, they're not as smart, but they have a lot of confidence, because they don't do their homework, and they still get B's, they're not as smart, but they have a lot of confidence because they don't do their homework and they still get good enough grades. So they end up leading the people get A's

and then the people get C's, they're so dumb that they end up starting companies and become CEOs. And then fucking Nick looks over to me and he's like, you should get a load of this guy there. This guy's. I pointed at him and I went, see and she was like and she laughed because I called him dumb yeah and I said what was your GPA what's your GPA and he was like I don't know he said 2.9 low or something oh you said 2.9 and they erupted yeah at the idea of having a 2.9 fucking losing it they erupted the

loudest they laughed the whole conversation they laughed and and And you know what's fucked up is it's true. Yeah what they were saying. Yeah. I think there's merit to that theory. I got C's. I bet you got A's. And guess who you're working for. Let's go.

Guess who's here. You're just a fucking dumbass. You get controlled by the fucking idiot. They didn't cover D's. That's me. It's fucked up. I've got no autonomy. Uh huh. D's? Yeah.

They were like sleeps on floor, farts but can control it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, whoa. Sort of mystical realism. I didn't get grades in school. I was fucking the lunch lady. You know you weren't. And I've told this before on the pod. My friend fucked the lunch lady. After we graduated.

To be clear, you weren't getting grades? Nah, I didn I get a single grade I was banging that Give me the fucking perfect attendance record Every day there every day 50th time I was like, I don't know if this is morally correct anymore. I'm gonna feel right. I'm going to lunch line again boys I'll see you in a minute And I grabbed a chocolate milk too And I get a single grade

Alright well thank you guys for watching the fucking yard podcast I hope you guys liked it and I hope that if you had sex with your lunch lady you were both like of a reasonable age And if you came from the Northern Lion episode and you're still here I'm sorry So sorry You're gonna be stuck here then Welcome to the greatest fan base on earth anyway tune into the premium episode we're gonna talk about well if you made it if you made it this far you might have a little merch

collection coming out next week so you could you know heads up for all the patrons yeah here's where that should be at the very end. Yeah because we're gonna do it again for real next week in an actual ad read. This is a little cutesy good. Because I knew about this. Before we if I had if I had a if secretly I had a bomb in my brain and all I had to do was make someone mad. I would just find Aiden. What about me?

No. Really? No, no, no, no, you might you might sniff out a bit. He would he would. I'll out a bit ah he would he could never make me mad shut the fuck up Ludwig you're tough you're tough I love you no I can make him mad I I know his buttons but they're forbidden buttons I love you so much you know you know the button the subscribe button that's right flick your button on the patreon see you later