The Yard - Ep. 2 - faith ain't numbers

Episode Date: July 14, 2021

The second episode has the boys coming to some startling realizations including their parents, Dom Toretto, boggle, and using the handicap stall.

i do hate that bit why it's a terrible bit it's not a bit bro i'm fucking i'm out here i hate a lot of things you do yeah all right top. Yeah. Like what? Top 20. Yeah, go. I'll give you my top three. All right, fine. How he farts in front of you in enclosed areas specifically. I'll look you in the eye when I do it. And I think you can't just say he farts, right?

Because he doesn't just fart. It's a different thing. Yeah. What do I do? When Slime opens up that fucking sweet, sweet hole of his, it's like a sonnet comes out. It's like you're a high school track runner going for a PB every time. Dude, I am. Remember when you were like, I don't go get bagels unless you fucking fart right now.

And I looked you in your fucking eyeball and I did it. You know the difference between me and you? My goal is to make the world laugh. Your goal is to make yourself laugh. That's not true because so many of your jokes are rooted in pranking. No, I summed this up better once.

I said everything Slime does is for a studio audience that doesn't exist. That's right. So himself. No. For the idea of a group of people who would laugh

because they would find it funny. But they don't exist, so it's for himself. No, but if they didn't exist in my head, I wouldn't do it. But if it was a sketch or a sitcom, they would be laughing. Are we just saying he's schizophrenic? I don't get what's going on here. Yeah, dude.

Let's go back to how your batting average of clearing out rooms with your flatulence is very high. I do love when you leave because I farted so bad. I love when you leave. Like, because I farted so bad. I love when you leave, regardless. Because the room we spend the most time in is not well ventilated. It's really stuffy. We're sitting in our fucking office, and you just let one rip that lasts a full eight seconds,

and then you leave, and you're, like, proud of it, and then either I linger and tough it out. You know, it's funny because i like because i know like i i just it's a power thing you know how many i don't let rip think about that shit because i could fuck this whole thing up right now yeah let's talk about power thing you're obsessed with power can i say one thing i had real quick yes uh welcome back to the yard everybody it's episode two i stole it that's my intro i was gonna say one thing i had real quick yes uh welcome back to the yard everybody it's episode two i stole it that's my intro i was gonna say the intro i wanted to do the intro because ludwig

has this youtube voice that i've started to pay more attention to and because i watch his videos a lot more and uh it's like it's very interesting like the skydiving video right hey what do you like an autograph uh yeah maybe later you shingles so like there there's this idea that so you did a skydiving video and if it's a video that's like it needs an introduction you'll record it right and you'll be like what's up guys i went i went boys and sometimes i i don't know what i'm gonna to do. And it's very, there's like a timeline where it's gotten very more like exaggerated, like fucking stretch Armstrong. And it's really interesting because it's like,

it's not fake, but it's not real either. And I wanted to ask you like, what's going on there? Do you like your current YouTube voice or are you something you're going for still? Yeah, I think I just i just i have to turn it on like okay let's talk about today so today we have to do a filming shoot at at uh at beyond the summit for smash smash something with this shit and as you can hear i was sick the whole drive over do you remember yeah i was just silent sick and i was like i was like out the window

yeah yeah and the moment we got there and started rolling the cameras, I don't think I coughed once. You were pretty much a warrior and you were funny. Yeah. But the thing is like this YouTube voice, to me, it's like it's weird. Maybe because I know you so intimately. But like I wonder if someone watching that's like this feels right or normal or, you know you know how it usually is i'm like a cat like i spend 15 hours a day sleeping and then like eight hours just zooming around and expending all my energy and then i'm back to just fucking sleeping for the rest of it this has been a big

day and i'm also dumb and think there's 23 hours in a day but you but you haven't answered my question yeah what is this voice and what does it mean to you? What do you mean? What voice? Okay, pretend you're introducing a video where you skydive. Oh, man. Give me a different topic. Okay. Today, last week, you got surprised with a trip to a museum where it's literally just cowboy hats,

and you filmed the whole thing with Conner Eats Pants and Jay Shlatt. Okay, okay, okay. Smithsonian. The Louvre. You might have heard of them before, but I don't think you've seen the Rootin' Tootin' Cowboy Museum. Took me, Conner, and Schlatt, and our three schlongs over to El Diablo's Cow museum and emporium.

This is not the voice. What is this? That's it. This does not happen in your YouTube videos. I'll play it. No, no, no. He's right. That's it.

I'm just going to play it. Recently, I watched the Vegas story video and then the skydiving video back to back. Yeah. This is the most Ludwig content I've consumed in one week, I think. Boys, listen. You do have a voice. I'm going to hold it. All right, all right. It's content I've consumed in one week, I think. Boys, listen! You do have a voice. I'm gonna hold it.

Alright, alright, it's just my voice. I don't know what's... I'm gonna jump out of a plane in this video. Okay, that's fine. If you don't know, a few days ago was my birthday. What? My birthday. It's got like a melody to it. And you guys know, coots, I've never jumped out of a plane.

But, this week, I did what I've never done. It's weird. All right Let me show so is it like that and now it's time for episode 2 of the yard now. We saw how episode 1 Is that it I don't think is you can't do it right now do it right now and that's so crazy It's a miserable tiring day and go downstairs in that little fucking basement of yours and just fucking turn it on yeah and you can't do it right now i've gotten good at doing youtube recordings because i used to be bad it was like like i like i would do an eight hour stream talk eloquently and beautifully the whole time with my english degree and then i would wrap up and then i would try to do like a youtube recording and i would just flounder i would i would like keep ending

and restarting it because I would like – You felt like you fucked it up, yeah. Because you have the option to redo it as opposed to live where you don't. And then over time, now it's like that's like – Was that a one-take Willie? It took me like 30, 40 minutes to get like the 20-minute recording I sent Polite. I remember the other day, Ludwig – like Polite's premiered crash and he lost an entire

project like an hour before it had to go out it's like 11 p.m and let me go up was every single day and let goes hold on i'm gonna go downstairs and like record a video and post it by midnight he just goes down and just tells a story and post it and it gets the exact same amount of views as everything else and i'm like damn dude this has got to stop the machine is too functional i've gotten good at YouTube voice. It probably, look, it does have a bit of stank, surely. Surely. It's stank.

It would be weird if I went to like In-N-Out drive-thru and I was like, all right, we're looking at the double-double today. Let's talk about that fat stack. I feel like you're saying it's weird if you would do the YouTube voice in real life. We're wondering why the YouTube voice is on the YouTube video that's exactly what i'm saying i'm not saying you should do it in the end and outline that is okay do you want to hear this would be this would be my youtube intro if it's my real life voice uh yeah yeah i guess yeah i guess okay yeah we're gonna do uh like i guess we're skydiving um who was there i was like ben

that'd be the video and now people are gonna be like give us that voice yeah like all right uh boys today yeah you're gonna talk about skydiving someone has to be like hey ludwig like uh yeah um plan a simple like whatever the whole idea of having an intro is like a literal cartoon character like no human has that in real life i disagree i think you making yourself the cartoon character creates a dissonance in real life i disagree i think you making yourself the cartoon character creates a dissonance in my head and i'm like this is kind of weird but like i know you and i trust you and i believe who you are and i know who you are but this i every time i watch and i hear that stank and now look and i'm like i think a weird example of this is in the skydiving

video where he stresses that on his jump out and between then and like landing that he almost dies and he says it was such an inflection and such an exaggerative tone that it doesn't feel like he's telling the truth but he was that that part of the video is true that he almost did like collide with somebody and there was a conversation about it between two instructors after but because of the way you said it it feels like you're playing it up for a youtube video which is really funny because that's probably the most exciting part of the story and it actually did happen which was really funny was before you guys left we uh we said to cutie because she planned it uh man wouldn't it be crazy if he just died yeah and she was like don't say that yeah i'm

like she gets really i'm like it'd be be wild if he just died in this video. And then you almost did. Yeah. You could have become the one in 500,000. That would have been great content. I did lift it up for a bit of sake. But I also think it's because I don't want to genuinely believe I almost died. Because I think that's terrifying.

So I think I've compartmentalized that. I want to see you in fear. I like you admitting that. Yeah. It's hard to catch Ludwig of Freyja. I want to see you vulnerable. Was I fearful while skydiving? You were fearful in the plane.

The moments before jumping, you definitely got nervous. I think I jazzed it up a bit towards the end, though. Everybody got a little nervous. When you say the end, you mean the jump? You mean the jump? Like as the plane was ascending. When the plane first started leaving the ground and then the earth was getting further away from us,

I was like, ooh, that's getting small. I will say the most uncomfortable moment is them flying up. It's really funny. You all put seatbelts on like a normal airline, right? You put your seatbelt on and you're in the air for maybe two minutes. And they're like, well, take your seatbelts off. And we're not that high yet. And then they just open the side of the plane.

And I'm not attached to the guy yet. But I also don't have a seatbelt on. But I'm also two feet away from the big hole in the plane. That sounds like something they would do as like a prank. It's like, they put your seatbelts on. And then a little light goes up. And they're like, look at all the fucking idiots. They put their seatbelts out, idiots.

You say that's a funny prank? That's pretty much exactly what they did the whole time. They were fucking with us endlessly. There was a lot of like, yeah, my first time jokes like yeah just but they kept ripping them like it was it was they were very much enjoying fucking with us and it's like hey i love that you're having a fucking gaff but i'm not attached to you yet make all the jokes you want just like latch on maybe and it'll be okay i imagine it's like literally you're at the laugh factory and you're doing like three back-to-back five minute stand-up specials because like they just keep

getting different new people have never skydived before so they can just run the same bits and they'll hit just as hard because they've never gone before yes it's also like the idea like we've all worked boring jobs but imagine if that was skydiving for you like i gotta make it kind of fun somehow it was actually so funny as it was boring for them i asked the dude it was like do you even get a rush from this anymore he's like yeah not really like tandem jumping like i don't even feel anything anymore that dude chokes himself when he jerks off he has to still feel something yeah and he's just like oh dude every time every time i hear that i think of the story of someone in my high school dying in the locker

room from doing that really yes that happens when i was in middle school a person in the in high school at the time and it's a small town so like everybody knows each other between the middle school and the high school even though it's different a dude died doing that he couldn't get the belt off yeah and he fucking died in our locker room doing that. Is it insane? I wonder if he got to nut. I hope so. I hope so too. I hope he got there. You know what the problem is? They should make

a device for it. Like, it's too taboo that people use like a belt but if they just made like, choke yourself jerk off-a-thon device that has like insta-release with a tap, it'd be fine it detects your your like your pulse the parachute of of asphyxiating yeah you know what too i i will say if that guy died jerking off uh while choking himself to because like when you when you're in

that state right like time dilates right maybe like you feel like you've lived a thousand years like right before you pass over to him maybe right now he's still coming infinitely and that's beautiful i want that for him that's like the what a sweet sweet release the perk scene with you know logan learman on top of the truck yeah he's he's coming he's coming to the gym back can i tell you guys a small story about when i first learned the word cum? Yeah. So it's really embarrassing. I think Anthony knows this one. So I was really young.

I can't remember my exact age. I was somewhere from the ages of like 8 to like 10. And I was playing Boggle with my mom. And Boggle is a game where you essentially have to make words on like a little thing. And my mom listens to the podcast too, so she'll get a kick out of this. Everyone say hi to my mother. So we're playing Boggle, and I don't want to lose. I'm competitive.

I'm not trying to lose to mother in a fucking board game. I'm a gamer at this point in my life. How old are you? I think I'm around nine. And I knew the word come was a word, but I didn't know what it meant. So I very confidently just on the Boggle board just play cum and then look up at my mom. And I'm like, your turn. And she looks at me and she's like, do you know what that word means?

And I was like, no. And then she explained it to me. And I felt so fucking embarrassed. How did she explain it? She told me it's sperm. What did explain it? She told me it's sperm. What did she say? She told me it was sperm. Everything she said. I don't remember exactly the words.

It was something along the lines of like, she explained it. You know what a cock is, right? So you know how all men, so they got cocks. Why is my mother a big Italian man? Are you Italian? My mom's not Italian, but your impression is like i thought all italians sounded the same yeah yeah super they're all they're all men with beards yeah uh yeah that's how i learned that word it was and it was cum just to be clear uh yeah yeah the kind

that is produced from a human body i i asked the everyone well i didn't ask ludwig when you were a little kid or not a little kid basically in your grade school era did you ever use the word sperm as a verb no like i also said no to this he asked he asked this too and i had to go like for example like i spermed myself and he was like and he was like yeah exactly and i'm like no that's crazy it's cultural different how you had that conversation with us all yeah well i would have addressed everyone if we were together but it's been

a busy week yeah so you have to individually talk to everyone about sperming yourself and now i know that i sperm myself a lot too and i've never known the word for it I know you sperm yourself yeah you have an all time record across all of us probably speaking of parents watching the podcast

yeah okay so I've real quick this is episode two sorry this is episode two we have skyrocketed up due to Ludwig pumping artificially attention into the podcast we are on this weird level where it's like this is the second episode we're in above like all these people it's very popular now in addition to

everyone's apparently parents listening to it yeah and i just want to acknowledge that we acknowledge how kind of weird this is except maybe ludwig doesn't think it's weird yeah it's not weird i don't find it that weird i think think Anthony finds it weird, which I understand, but I don't find it that weird. Yeah, it's chill. It's weird to me. I will say what's weird to me is the fucked up podcast system.

I was unaware that you just can't find out information on how many views a podcast gets or how many listens it gets. Yeah, they gatekeep that shit. It's like valuable information to sell. You made it and they're like, how many listens I get?

They're like, I don't know. We don't know. I will personally. I mean, we definitely know, but like we just can't. We can't tell you. We're still running it in maybe 2040. And so the only metric they tell you, this is real listeners, is downloads, which is like who the fuck downloads a podcast? Psychopaths.

Download is this other word that actually means a combination of things like viewership and certain amount of streaming minutes. It's a bunch of different metrics and it's under this umbrella term downloads, which is so stupid. I don't understand why it has to be so convoluted. Okay, well look, I heard from a company for us to get

the sponsor, the Monday.com the sweet teat of Monday.com Please, we want to suck on your big Monday titties. the sponsor, the monday.com, the sweet teat of monday.com. We want to suck on your big Monday titties. Give me your big mommy Monday milkers. Come on, man. Look, hopefully they don't listen to episode two. Don't talk about Monday. I like how we learned that our parents watch the show,

and we immediately are talking about cum and mommy milkers and all sorts of fun terms. Hey, my mom doesn't listen, so I'm going to keep it crass. Oh, I will call her. I will make sure she's not. My mom is dead listen so i'm gonna keep it oh i'm i will call her i won't make sure my mom is dead so i won't call her all right all right hey listeners rider dies if you guys hey consider downloading the pod just give it a quick dl all right if you can figure out how because i don't know you just click the cloud button you download so you can listen offline yeah i and to to kind of cap that off uh before we get into what amin was going to say

because it's very important um i i would i want to give monday.com a pearl necklace amin go ahead dude don't talk about monday like this dude monday you have a great website they're gonna think that we're sponsored that wasn't even the top three things I thought you were going to say. Okay. So this is an interesting thing to me because before we started, I had this weird idea of like my parents watching the podcast and what their perception of it would be because I knew they would listen to at least the first episode.

And as most parents are, very removed from like internet and gaming culture. Oh, Aiden, we watched the first episode. It was great. We thought that episode was great. You and your friends are so funny. That's like rural Canada. That's my Aiden's parents. He really sent it on that podcast, eh?

That's really fucking spot on. Spot on. But I wondered, like, would they be alienated by the content would they be able to enjoy it like what would the perception of this person who isn't like sort of involved in this world that i would say our typical audience would be what would there be interpretation of of this podcast and they actually really liked it i was and i was super surprised by that and uh they they laughed a lot they said like we gave enough context to things they normally wouldn't understand that it was

enjoyable and they could listen to it they actually sent it to some other like family members and the response was the same that's not happening for this episode so it's probably not gonna happen for this episode but i thought that was super interesting so i tell anthony that that by the way they said nick is their favorite, interestingly enough. Which is bullshit, Mr. and Mrs. Amon. I mean, what's your voice? I'm bald. Your dad is bald, and so am I.

And for him to be a prick like this? He has a sleeve. He could do heroin. You don't know. You don't know. Sorry. He's a convict. Mr. and Mrs. McCaig.

Excuse my friends. They're very crass. I would love to meet you guys in person. I'll bring dinner. I'll cook the podcast. But it's a fucking breaks, man. My parents.

Okay. Okay. Let's chill. It's the podcast, but it's a dinner party with Aiden's parents. And we're all fucking pretending. And I like episode. It's just me,

Nick, my mom and my dad. But I told sign this. I was like, this is exciting. Like this is means like it's accessible to people like beyond our expected reach that's cool and simon's like nah man that's that's a red flag this is bad and i want to know why i want you to explain this wow so let me let no not true not true i don't well let's decide everyone go around do you know your parents or your mom or your dad's favorite movie because i know mine and if it's whack then that will dictate

whether it's bad that they like our pod my mom mom would say, I don't think I have one. That's what she would say. She's whack. My mom loves Pretty Woman in the bucket list. She sucks, yeah. Wow. What the heck, dude? I don't think those are good. Pretty Woman's good. You're an old French mom.

I fucking hate her. Wait, why do you call her old? Oh, she's pretty. She's old as shit. No, she's young. She's youthful. Super old. Not my mom. I thought we were laying into Ludwig's mom as shit no she's young she's youthful super old not my mom

I thought we were laying into Ludwig's mom I thought that's what my mom's a sweetheart I think my mom wins the fight if all four fought no my mom

if she was alive my mom was a fucking dirty fighter doesn't your mom just automatically lose the fight if she's dead yeah

she's DQ'd she's DQ'd my mom loses to everybody's mom in a fight alrightq'd she's dq'd my mom loses to everybody's mom all right let's square up between us my mom can run like six miles still like today you can't even run six miles i can't even i can hardly run a mile at this point do you know your your mom's favorite movie no i don't dad's no what's your dad's favorite movie well Well, my mom watched a lot of Lifetime movies, but she did so while smoking cigarettes in bed. That's so sick.

Which is kind of sick, right? All right, your mom wins the fight. Your mom wins the fight. But if she heard this podcast... Okay, little diatribe here. One time in seventh grade, I learned what a haiku was. And me and my friend Eric, we wrote a bunch of haikus about getting AIDS.

That man now? Eminem. Yeah, that's true. And like, there's like really crass, like middle school shit. Right.

Um, and like we, we wrote about like our teachers and other people and dude, I filled a notebook up with like dirty haikus. Right. My mom found it and she thought she, she thought it was a psychopath that was like needed to be put in a fucking asylum. She did not like in, she thought it was a psychopath that needed to be put in a fucking asylum.

She did not in any way think this was a funny or a thing that kids did. It blew her away and she was crying holding a notebook asking what happened to you? Dude, it was insane. And I haven't thought about this in years. This is like a more artistic version of

Superbad. Yeah. I mean, the haikus weren't good you know a nerdy super bad the day I knew my mom was the homie was weird on the way to school she was driving me to school I hate this story this story pisses me off I don't think you know this one maybe you do

I was like 11 and I was listening to the song violent pornography by system of a down on my iPod and my iPod was sitting on the center console between us and I think I was like 11 or 12 and uh we're driving to school and she looks over my ipod and sees just violent pornography it just says that on the ipod screen and she looks over at me and she goes you know what that word means and i was like yeah i know what that word means and she goes all right just checking and she was super chill she dabs you up he remembered the conversation he's like i'm just saying yes so so this and like the cum story reminds me of this time so i was in the computer lab in middle school and i was trying to play age

of empires 2 and i was loudly exclaiming and calling my soldiers in the game little douchebags and the gym teacher overheard me and he came over and he's like do you know what that word means and i'm like uh no i just thought it was like bag of poop or something i mean and he extensively explained to me what a douchebag was and i was like oh my god he's like i will never say that his vaginas are filthy things. That is so much fun. You're going to learn that women's vaginas need cleaning. I'm going to say it so much more now that I know what that means.

No, I was a good boy back then. I was scared. Okay, let me bring it back around. My mom, what I was trying to say is that if she heard this podcast and I'm 30 now, she's been dead for a long time,

but she'd probably be like, I don't know why you talk about that. But not like in a, oh, I'm scared of it. She's like, you're gross, right? So she wouldn't like it. I don't know what her favorite movie is. My dad's favorite movie is probably like fucking, I don't know. The Italian Job. I think it's literally Casino.

Okay. Aren't you 31? I'm 31. Sorry, yeah. I bet my dad's favorite movie is Goodfellas or The Godfather 31. Sorry. Yeah. I bet. I bet my dad's favorite movie is good fellas or the Godfather one or two. Yeah. Nick and my dad are very similar. They're like giant pricks that are cartoon characters.

I just feel like that happens with all Italian men who live in America is that they like, you know, they go to ancestry.com and they just want to be more Italian. Well, my dad's the type of guy who like, he'll be like, Hey, you want to watch like good fellows with me? And I'm like, sure, dad. And we sit down together to watch it type of guy who will be like, hey, you want to watch Goodfellas with me?

And I'm like, sure, dad. And we sit down together to watch it, and every five minutes he goes, yeah, I've been there. Or he'll be like, that building in the back, our family's restaurant is based on that. For real, for real. I'm like, I don't know, maybe. If you watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off with my dad,

he will tell, he's probably told me 15 times, that's my school. They filmed this at my school. And it's like, I know. i know i know dude i fucking know all right speaking of movies while we're here oh let's get back to it it's been uh it's been like what like eight nine days since our last recording and during that time we watched fast nine all of us except for slime and so i thought it'd be fun to uh give you three scenarios too real in one fake from the movie fast nine that's a great idea and you have to tell us which one is fake yeah as a spiritual link to dom toretto for obvious reasons yeah i think i'll nail this one now i'm gonna give you the three scenarios and then you just figure out which one's not real okay okay scenario one

I'm going to give you the three scenarios and then you just figure out which one's not real. Okay. Okay. Scenario one. While driving, Dom Toretto sees a bridge that is across a giant ravine. Part of the bridge on the front half gets cut and you can imagine the bridge is falling, right? It would fall to stay flush with the wall. While it is doing that, he lassos the bridge to his car to slingshot across the ravine and avoid falling down and dying and then detaches and lives.

Okay. gains superhuman strength, and pulls down a concrete ceiling to kill everyone and survives the incident in a Hulk-like maneuver. Holy shit. This movie rules. Option three, Ludacris goes to space in a Pontiac. Now, which scenario is fake?

Holy shit. This is very well crafted because i feel like option three is a red herring because this somehow happens in the movie and i need to believe it and that's i'm supposed to be fooled by that and say well it's obviously that one but i'm gonna go out on a limb on a metagame here and say that that did happen. Number three. Yeah. So it's between number one and number two. Yeah. And I, I feel like,

I feel like the second one just can't be, it can't be a thing. So I'm going to say option two is the fake one. Now this is going to fuck you up. They're all real. All three actually happened it was fucking i have never been to a movie where this many people in the crowd verbally were like oh come on like that many times literally like 20 times someone in the movie would just go oh all right come on holy shit

yeah you know that you know that thing ludwig does in movies where like everybody else is quiet and then he'll just let a laugh i got it i got it i got it he goes he goes ha there's one big ha yeah i hate you this movie made multiple people do that yeah like he wasn't the only person doing that in this theater. It was, the whole movie was random incidents of people like this. And you know what? And you know what?

That movie was a masterpiece. I think it was unironically good. I think it was so sick. Are you serious? Yeah. This is the divide. Oh, here we go.

It's American Ultra all over again. They've taken it too far. I'm with Aiden. We should watch Avengers Endgame again. I'm tired of these fast movies. He was so mad at me after the podcast, by the way.

I just want a movie that's about real issues, like whether or not we need Facebook. We should watch the social network. He was like, by the way, that conversation didn't happen that way. And you always bring it up that it did happen that way. I'm like, yes, it did. You said it was one of your favorite movies.

And he's like, well, what does that mean? I actually, top five. This is short, and I promise. I came up with concrete proof to prove that the conversation never happened the way you think it did. Because when we talked about this the very first time, I told you my actual top three movies,

number two of which is Arrival. And then you go on your rant about how the short story of Arrival is shit. He does that every time. And that's how I know we had that conversation because you explained that to me in that conversation okay i will not let the viewers listen to the social network argument again no we're done we're done but i want to go back to fast this is my this is it was my breaking point because i think my last fast seven we skipped eight

admittedly oh you guys watched it all together yeah we didn't we never watched eight but seven is like it's crazy and it's over the top but i think it's like it's still within the realm of like they know what they're doing and this is fun but this movie it's like it's so much and there's so little tension because you know at no point will any of these characters actually suffer any consequences so you thought in the other one when they shot a car across two buildings in Dubai, that was fine. That was swag. But now that Ludacris is in space, mm-mm. I got a problem. Hold on, hold on.

That was like the climax of like the insane moments of that movie, right? But the Dubai or the Abu Dhabi, it's Abu Dhabi. Abu Dhabi scene happens like eight times in this movie. It just happens over and over and over again. Faith ain't numbers, Aiden. It's true. Well, like, I see his point. I will say it's like there's two routes.

Like, one, they need to start actually killing people off so that, like, you actually feel invested. Which they started doing. Or two, they just, like, keep everyone and it's power- That's the great thing about Fast 9 is a large character comes back. Really? No leaks. A very significant character. And they're still contending

with the fact that they didn't actually kill off Paul Walker's character. So they talk about him all the time as if he exists. I remember when he said, cut.

I forget her name. What's something Toretto? What's her name? The girlfriend of Dom? No, no, no. Dom Toretto's sister. Yeah, I don't know her name. Who's Paul Walker's girlfriend.

It's like Nina or something. She shows up in this movie and she's just like, yeah, kids are at home with Paul. That's crazy. It is weird. And they have to keep bringing him up. They will always have to live

in the same situation of keeping him alive. You know what? I bet he had a multi-picture deal and someone still has to get paid. No, it's definitely that they just don't want to kill him they don't want it to be off screen because they don't want to kill it makes sense they didn't kill him in fast seven it'd be weird if they killed him and he actually

died yeah it would be i i will say that would be really rude like i don't think that especially because of how he died shout out to his brother for finishing the movie for him that's gotta be so hard actually yeah that is crazy uh but i what i was gonna say about fast nine is it's like it's kind of like if dragon ball z because they you know how's like a power creep issue if it just became one punch man okay and i think that's fine it's just like absurd and like you know it's gonna happen but it's still fun to watch there's an element of like so transformers 3 is like when transformers came out i was like oh shit these robots are crazy bro and it's like transformers 2 is like two and a half hours. And Transformers 3, I remember watching it in theaters.

And it was so much robot fighting that you're kind of tired of it. And it's like there needs to be a feeling of tension. Because if everything is going to be sick and crazy, nothing is. That's how I felt about this movie. That's exactly how I feel about it. No, because Aiden still enjoyed when Ludacris went into space. I didn't enjoy that. In a Pontiac.

So why not? Can I spoil it? This is a huge spoiler. Yeah, sure. You can spoil. Okay, hold on. Hold on. If you don't want Fast 9 to be spoiled to you, close your ears for 15 seconds.

Okay. When they go into space, they have this extensive conversation about how all options are exhausted and they're going to do something insane that will kill themselves. They talk about this for a long time. They finally do the thing, which is ramming their spaceship into another space station and they're just totally fine.

Someone's going to click on 15 seconds on the dot and then hear that sentence. Yeah, that was the biggest spoiler. You did not clutch the 15 second mark. He was counting on it. You don't care! Because this was important. Because spoilers.

No, because there was a study in 2006 that proved. You couldn't spoil this movie if you tried because there are no consequences to any action. Okay. There's an amazing line in that part when he looks over at Ludacris and he's like, you got to have faith. And Ludacris is like, faith ain't numbers. Yeah. That'll stay with me forever.

Well, yeah. The dialogue is actually insane. Is there a... I remember, was it Fast 6 with The Rock? Yeah. Where he's extremely sweaty and moist? Is there a moist character in this one? No.

I didn't notice as much sweat. Because Dwayne Johnson is perpetually wet. I feel like they're all varying levels of moist the whole movie. Yeah. You know when Dwayne Johnson steps on the ground stomps the ground so hard that it cracks in that one movie think that but every 10 seconds and also John Cena's in it

and he has a sick chin he's his brother enough Fast 9 spoilers my last thing about a Fast and the Furious franchise I remember the last one I saw in theaters, I believe was like Fast Five or something. And we go, we like drive to the movie theater

that's showing it. It was like an hour drive. And there's this guy, and we're sitting in like the row that's like where you can walk and like where people in wheelchairs can sit. There's like little slots. And we're sitting next to this guy.

I'm sitting right next to him, and there's this guy in a wheelchair. And he's like, dude, there was this trailer for a movie before the movie started with Matthew McConaughey where he meets all of his ex-girlfriends at once on a plane. I've never heard of this. I don't know either. But this fucking guy, he was the most obnoxious person in the world. And this trailer comes on. And Matthew McConaughey is looking at all his ex-. He's like, oh no, that wouldn't be good.

And like the whole movie, he's just doing shit like this. And I'm like, I hate this guy so fucking much, but he's in a wheelchair. And it's like, I can't like, it's wrong to be so annoyed at this guy. But holy shit, did he make it so hard for me? I love those guys in movies. Why? I think they're so funny there's this guy in front of me at pacific rim he had a whole row only to himself and there's this part of the movie where uh i can't remember what happened but like one of the characters is

like oh it's not him and there's only another one other person in the room and then the guy in the crowd he goes it's like a big silent moment when they're like waiting for the reveal the guy goes oh it's her yo and i lost my shit laughing that i love people like that i saw i saw the star wars force awakens when not when it came out it was like two weeks after it came out right the hype's gone everyone who saw it day one saw it right and so now it's like the theaters are still filling up but they're like half full right and actually i took a date to see this star wars force awakens and i was so mad i think i just get irrationally mad at people in public for like disrupting other people and and in private and in private i can't right now so so and we're just watching and the credits the this intro scroll comes up right it's like

it's star wars and this fucking guy starts clapping and it's like no one else is clapping everyone's done doing the clapping because it's been two fucking weeks dude and he's like yeah and he's like alone it's embarrassing for him and then he doubles down waiting years for this and i was so fucking angry the longer that guy does that the funnier it gets if he's still there 20 minutes in he's like actually you guys seeing this like every character comes on it's like luke right there it's actually so crazy to be that guy not on release night what's crazy i know i'm so mad what's crazy is you're mad i'm so mad about it i think that's not as bad as you standing in a room clearing it with your fart

it's different i wouldn't do that random person dude or if there was a studio audience i would do it and maybe i'm that guy's studio audience and i get it but i'm still mad do you you know what that makes me think of is people always complain on like social media about uh yeah yeah this is the issues right now this is technology like like in any form complain about people clapping on planes and i've never seen it i've been on so many flights in my life and not one time has anybody ever clapped after a landing oh i've had that and i don't understand like where it comes from someone on tiktok well i've done it before uh or like i've had it happen before like when because uh sometimes when there's really bad turbulence, like white gas appears on the plane.

It's like water vapor. And everyone freaks out. It's like something that happens like somewhat regularly. You can look it up. It's like basically water vapor can come from the plane if there's really bad turbulence. And everyone freaks out when that happens. And so when the plane lands after that, everyone claps.

But on TikTok, I posted something. And someone made that because it's like a basic bitch insult. Like like uh oh this guy looks like he claps when the plane lands sure yeah and i replied and i was like fuck yeah praise our flight lords praise the people who have the capability to control a plane with a hundred people in it to land that's impressive and not like and fight the urge every day to drive it into the ground. Yeah. They're gods. Can you alleviate some of that tension as the pilot to get on the intercom? Yeah, thank you, everyone on the flight. It's white gas time.

So everyone just take a moment and enjoy the white gas we're letting out. We're shaking, but don't worry about that. It was terrifying. Because I didn't get scared. I don't get scared until other people get scared. And then other people get scared and I'm like maybe I should be scared

that makes a lot of sense that tracks yeah and so everyone started like there's like the one woman who's like really anxious and she's like

and then she's like grabbing her husband clutching her pearls and then she starts screaming and then everyone else is like alright time to get nervous this happened?

yeah this happened because it just shook enough that some water vapor had poured out and they hopped on they were like they tried to explain it But everyone was still like on edge the entire time until landed turbulence is scary. Everyone starts beating off

Yeah, you know that story. Oh wait what? Okay I wanted to go back to wheelchairs Yeah, let's get it off our chest. Can I can i get this off my chest please let i about time i've never told anyone this okay this is you guys this is a world first okay so you know in a bathroom there's the there's like the uh the big stall the big stall the handicap stall it's nicer i got a railing they're always stacked in tp this space is nice and i usually choose to like shit in that stall like if all are open like like an asshole yeah yeah and in in 99.99999 times out

of 100 it's fine you know it's fine you just take a shit and you go on through your day my handicap i care too much i work too. One time at a Smash event, I go into that stall and I'm shitting. I'm doing my thing. I'm a slow shitter. I was going to ask, how long are you shitting in public typically? I was in there for maybe like two minutes because I have a bit of shit shyness.

People are constantly opening and closing the doors. Whoa, you can shit in two minutes? No, I hadn't shit yet, but I was there for two minutes. So then the doors doors are opening i like for everyone to leave when i shit and uh and the door opens wheelchair guy comes in while i am shitting wow and and i'm just and i'm freaking out because i know because i can look underneath. Not only he's there with his father. No. Yeah.

Because like a kid, he's there with his father. Holy shit. And I'm just shitting. And it's like. And it's like. Hey, three's a party, boys. Between the legs. Come on, pops.

We can do this. We got room down here. These thighs are thick, but I'll open up. So I cut Link. You cut Link? I cut Link. It's like the Pokemon Stadium minigame when you're Scyther and you gotta cut the

log. It's like time at Perfect. You are braver than the veterans. I know. Semper Fi. That's huge of you to do. I exit. I know the guy. No! He was a guy in the arizona smash scene who i knew and he and i was like he was i just i couldn't handle it he's like hey what's up

what do we get i was like oh hey dude i had never met his dad before either damn but like we had played friendlies like he sat down like i had done some commentary at that point and he was like hey how's it going nobody else is in the bathroom all the other stalls are open and it was just the most stalls are vilified there were three other stalls aiden there are three other stalls i know i have never gone to the handicap bathroom since and you know what too it's it's totally thankless because like you could you could be like hey what's up bro hey i want to let you know i was in there and i pinched mid i sacrificed back there yeah i don't know if that's worth saying in conversation no it's of course it's not worth saying okay okay but i did this yesterday i i just

took a piss and washed my hands yeah someone went for a handshake within 10 seconds they were kind of wet and i did the thing where i said oh oh, I just washed my hands. Is that worth saying? I think, so you know what's funny? Nick and Melina were here. Yeah. And I barely talked to them. And I saw Nick and it was like, it was like really late at night

because they got in late. And I had just same thing. I had actually taken a big dump downstairs. Yeah. And I washed my hands and I went up there and it was like, oh, new people in the house and i'm like hey how's it going and he introduced himself to me and out and i it's actually really awkward i like put my hands up like this and i said i just got out of the bathroom i instead of being like really normal

because i i really didn't want i wanted him to know's like, I do not wish to do this to you because it would be so unfair. The implication of that is like my hands are covered in shit. I know, and they weren't. Wait, that same exact thing happened the first time I ever met Mango. Really?

The first time I ever met him was as a fan at Sandstorm, a tournament, 2015. He walks out of the bathroom. I'm like a new Smash guy. And I'm like, that's Mango. And I'm going to the bathroom i go i go hey mango like i'm a lot of a guy you know i'm a sub and he goes he does hands up he goes i was just in the bathroom and i go that's okay and i don't know yeah did he did he he switched it to a fist bump he was smooth dude

well it's like oh no worries i was too to know the first time I ever met Mango? Well, yeah. I've never told him this story. I hope he doesn't hear this. It might taint our relationship. So the first time I ever met Mango was Evo 2016 or 17. I don't remember right now. But at the time, I was just kind of coming into the smash scene for majors.

I'd never been to a major before. And I used to make controllers. I used to paint controllers and sell them on like facebook groups and i made one for a guy who uh played falco and he like wanted falco on it and it was like mango colors and he's like hey uh are you going to evo and i was like yeah and he's like can you get this signed by mango for me i'll pay you extra and i was like sure and at the time i wasn't really like i wasn't like freaking out over the interaction i was like i have to go find me. I got to stand in the Mango line. For people who don't know, there's this big line that forms at majors for just meeting and getting things signed by Mango.

And it usually is like 50 people. Impromptu too because he'll just always say yes to people that come up to him. He'll just walk somewhere and then like people spawn next to him like creepers. Yeah, the line forms. It's crazy. So I go get in the Mango line, which sucks by the way to like sit in the mango line and look around You're like I'm in the mango line Good now. I'm a guy in the mango line even back then

I didn't like that, but I eventually get to the end of the mango line and I had this like special pen with me It was like an oil based like Sharpie pen And the reason I remember the reason I used that pen was because it's permanent and it'll actually stay on the controller Whereas like a regular sharpie will just wear off so i go up to mango and i'm like hey man uh nice to meet you like i'm a sub like the same thing love it did and i was like can you sign this for me i didn't explain the whole context but i was just like can you sign this for me he's like yeah sure takes the pen and like he doesn't really understand that like with those kind of pens you can't push down on the tip because that's how all the ink comes out yeah he's

like he's using sharpies yeah so he pushes down but he also like bends it and breaks the pen ink spills all over the entire controller and completely ruins it and this shit does not come off but it also doesn't come off of his hands so his hands are completely covered in black ink and i'm like oh i get bright red and i'm like oh fuck oh fuck i'm like i'm so sorry i'm like blaming myself this is so clearly his fucking fault yeah and i'm and i'm like i'm so sorry oh shit and he's like he's like oh don't don't worry about it he's like trying to figure it out he's obviously kind of pissed but he's like being nice about it and then we both go to the bathroom together because my hands are covered his hands i'm trying to take it out of his hands

we both go and i'm washing him fail to wash off all this and you know you know it's not coming off. And I know that shit's not leaving. And I'm like, yeah, I should just use soap. Did you tell him? No, I was too nervous. I was like, I'll probably call him. I'm watching. As he's doing it, they're getting harder because the ink is connecting. And so if you go back and look at the footage from that event, from any of his on-set moments,

or B-roll from recap recap stuff all his fingernails are dark black because all the ink stayed there the entire weekend what's the tourney? and then he lost the tournament and I have this deep theory that like

I somehow influenced that Evo 2015 he felt a little off I think it was 2016 if he lost it was 2015 2015 is the first 2015

you ruined the 3vo yeah you ruined 3vo and then also I messaged that guy and told him what happened and tried to like pitch it like hey so this controller like mango broke a pen on it it's like actually kind of sick and the guy was like i'm not buying that and i didn't even get the money i got so bad i got so on dude you you but

then later i met mango in the context of like through summit and like working with him and like all this stuff so i was just like well i was never telling that story yeah it'll always think i'm cool. You think he'd remember it? He has to remember that. Sure. It sounds like it sucked a lot. Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, it was really fucking embarrassing. So this was all about wheelchairs and then that kind of how it got all the way around. I think I had something about bathrooms and pooping and shitting, but I totally forgot. But that's, that's ever. We've been a little short on that topic.

It'll always come back. I think about how people will feel about their first interaction with me a lot. Cause mango has had like what? 20 mango lines. I'm sure he remembers like handfuls of interactions and not like barely any of them though. Yeah.

And I won't remember most people I meet, but like for everybody, like it'll be like you know somewhat profound so i like you know i try usually yeah so like you know be ludwig i use youtube voice it's gross i will say he does snap into place it's actually impressive it's like a car salesman hey i'm ludwig and it's like i see guys a lot yeah it's really you're trying to buy a car, huh? You introduce yourself. You, you like have a little conversation. One, a dude, this was at the last Genesis before COVID happened.

It, this guy, it was like these two friends and one of them came up to me. I was like sitting, watching me. I'm like really tired. I'm alone. And one of them comes up to me and he's like,

Hey, Hey, Hey, it's a, it's, it's Ludwig's friend. Where is this? This is that Genesis.

And I'm just sitting there and I look at the guy and I'm like leave me the fuck alone you are not funny go away I'm serious and it's not a joke and I don't like you

and the kid he's probably like I don't know he's a teenager maybe like 18 or something I hope I hope he wasn't in school

it was his dad behind him but they were both like he was a teenager I hope they wasn't in school It was his dad behind him But they were both like He was a teenager I hope Like trying to laugh it off and they left And I was like good Yeah that's terrible I would never That's crazy cause at the same exact Tournament someone came up to me

While I was playing in a Not tournament but like a bracket match Of like a side event. And he comes up behind me and he goes, hey, that's Slime's friend. This is Slime's friend. Oh, hey, it's Slime. Everybody starts pointing at me and looking around. He starts going, everyone, Slime's friend is here.

This is Slime's friend. That's Slime's friend. He keeps saying it. It's funnier the longer it goes on. And I'm confused. I'm like, I turn around. I see him. I'm like, okay.

I keep playing and he just keeps going. He's like, this is Slime's friend. Hey, what's up? Oh, Slime's friend goes for the back air. It's Slime's friend and i eventually the game ends and i go hey man what's up like nice to meet you and he's like oh hey he introduces himself and he's like yeah yeah i'm a fox i'm like i'm like pr'd and like fucking who cares and i was like that's really cool man why are you why are you doing this to me i don't want this to be happening to me yeah uh why do people do that because they just want attention most insane social interaction i've ever heard of yeah it was wild this yeah

it's probably the same guy it was what i'm learning it might have been right because like it felt like there was a license to do that also you're the dumbest motherfucker in the entire world ever because you were downstairs the other day oh yeah and you're like you know what i have learned my lesson i will never ask and solicit people to dm me ever again i got like 200 dms and it's like what the fuck do you think was gonna happen dude so look if you guys could just dm aiden to apologize if you reached out come on you guys gotta give him also you deserve this again because you just why also aiden have you have you googled uh, ugly shingles yet? Wait, let's Google it.

Let's Google it. Zipper. Hey, Zipper, can we get a live Google? Can we get a – What's the exact – it's really, really ugly. Come on, shingles boy. I think it's really, really ugly, disgusting shingles. Can we get an update?

It's almost gone. I would like an update. It is still – He's going incognito. We don't want this. We don't want this. Smart, Zipper, smart. Make sure you go images.

Really ugly, disgusting shingles. Can you give us a shingles update? You can leave it on screen. We'll blur it out. Why do I need to do a shingles update? Well, what do you mean? Because everyone cared about the shingles last week. I'm sure everyone wants an update.

I know. That's why we want an update to make sure it's... Yeah. This is like a good update. Oh, it is. Oh, my God, dude. Why is Joe Rogan there? You and Joe. It's all the subreddit. Dude, it's the She's Busy image, too. Why is Joe Rogan there? You and Joe.

It's all the subreddit. Dude, it's the She's Busy image, too. Yeah, that's fucking funny, dude. That's really funny, dude. Oh, man. All right, show us the shingles. That's so fucking funny. Show us the shingles.

Aiden, you're blocking the wide shot. Come on. Get over here. That's not bad. That's not bad. Here. It looks a lot better. Yeah, that's pretty good.

I will say it could also be mistaken for the beginning of something terrible you can't win it looks bad here's the thing though i do want to say this i think the fandoms and especially ludwig's fandom they have a big problem of just like beating shit into the ground so it's no longer ever funny ever i would like you guys to beat try really hard to to just like let things go right this is the second episode the shingles thing is out the door right it's gonna be cleaned up you can't say that after you guys just looked up ugly shingle boy you also named it the first episode so there's you kind of get to go past the first episode what i'm saying is once the shingles

is gone let it be gone i think you have a, let it be gone. I think you have a misunderstanding. Let it be gone. Whoever is a diehard fan who is listening to this has moved on. It's more so that you will always have new people listening to the original episode and enjoying it for the first time. I hate those people. I also think with other things like Ludwig Short or whatever, or even bits that are ours. Ludwig Short was actually a bit of ours first. If you really think about it, it was us just refusing to let Ludwig be over six feet tall and just always calling him 5'11". Well, he's not over.

He's from 6'6". Yeah, soaking wet, 5'11". 5'12", baby. And the diamond in the rough of it all is when fans beat shit into the ground that was at one point a bit in our friend group, it forces us to make new bits, which is pretty good for us.

We get to not rehash the old shit all the time. I have this belief. It's healing. I just have this need and this belief that everyone can be funny, like the person who did the yard flag, which was super funny. I retweeted it. I made sure their name was in it. And it's like, let's be fucking funny together.

So you shouldn't repeat bits? If you're going to repeat it, do it better. Don't fart in the DLTGC. That's not a bit. That's just me expressing my power to you. That is a terrible argument. He's right in the sense that it's not necessarily funny. There's a physical consequence to the action.

Yeah, but he's laughing. He finds it funny. It's still funny. Because farts are always funny. They're magic. He's like limitless. Like when you take the pill and you have control over your entire mind. But he can do that with his asshole. Like one time I asked, I was like

walking out the door and Simon was like, you going to get food? And I was like, you can only come with me if you fart in the next three, two. Oh no, I told this. I thought that he did this. You said Ludwig did. No, this is me. And I was like, three, two. And on two, he ripped like a nine second fart. Damn. It was like record breaking. It was like i was like yeah you can come and also dude like go to the doctor like that's really weird i have like

how you say it's crazy like you're so fucking proud of it i am every time every dude last yesterday last night you were like did you fart like i was in my room and he was in the kitchen and my door was closed and it was that's like respectably far away and it was like it was like i heard murmurs in the ground like it was like it was like i was like what's going on i had to go ask him did you just rip ass in the other room he's like yeah it was he does it proudly i was so proud well i think you know why it doesn't impress me i grew up with Olympic farters. I would go to sleepovers, and I had these friends. They're called French people.

They just smell bad. In New Hampshire, these friends, Jake and Eric, who had this skill. I don't know if you have this or if you tried this. They could put their ass in the air lying on their stomach and putting their ass up like a triangle and absorb the air. Oh yeah. And then fart it out like you do with burps. No, I can't do that.

Uh, all my farts are natural. They're all homegrown. They're homegrown. Yeah. Free farm. No grass fed farts. No stolen.

They would do it for 40 minutes though. In a room. I was like, I love these guys. They would sit there with their ass up and they would crack each other up. Do it. I couldn't do it. And we would all sleep together in the room.

And I would retch. And they would keep doing it because I would damn your vomit. Because they would just keep farting. There's this unbelievable scenario of your two friends ass up on the ground laughing at you and you being the loser. Yeah. In this situation. I'm a loser because I can't fart for 40 minutes. I want to make a trip and learn this hidden jutsu.

Yeah. Dude, one time in the fifth grade, oh, man. I feel bad about this as an adult. This is funny. In the fifth grade, we were doing the presidential fitness test. And there's this part where you have to like, which is kind of crazy. I feel like this probably isn't part of it anymore. But you had to climb a fireman's pole to the top and then slide down it.

I definitely couldn't do that in the fifth grade. I'm not even 100% sure I could do it now. But basically, they knew that some kids wouldn't be able to do it. So if you couldn't do it, your classmates had to assist you in going up. So they had to push you from under and help you climb. And so it was my turn to climb. And I was really scared because I didn't want to get embarrassed in front of all the girls and show I couldn't do it.

So I start climbing the pole and I couldn't do it. So I start climbing the pole, and I couldn't do it. So everyone starts to assist me. And this one girl, I won't say her name. We'll call her Chelsea. Chelsea goes to help me by pushing me from my bosom area. And she spreads my cheek with her hand, which left out just an insane fart don't okay it was significantly more impressive that's all i had she lets out an insane fart oh sorry audio listeners but visual listeners you're gonna see some wretches but her hand or her face is like right in my ass yeah and

i just rip ass in her face and everyone just starts laughing but i thought that if i just laughed too that they would think i find it funny and we'd all be laughing at her not me and so i start laughing too and i'm like ha ha ha got you and then everyone started laughing at her because she got got and i got out being the cool guy and uh she got made fun of for it i was forever guilty of that did she have like a name from it uh no no she didn't walk with a fart face fart girl names it's like it's this toxic thing kids do where they apply a name to you that becomes your identity in the same year of school there was this one girl on the first day of school who i knew last year who came up to me and said hi and i forgot her name so i just called her felicia and acted like it was a joke and And she was like, oh, that's funny.

Ha ha. But I just didn't know her real name. So I just kept the joke going forever and kept calling her the fake name until eventually other people started calling her that name. And it became her nickname. It's rough, dude. Like those moments, getting made fun of in school sticks with you for your entire life. Oh, yeah. And you have to like have a therapist like unearth it and crack open a fucking case

where it's like yeah this guy just said i like pissed my pants and i didn't do you know the worst name from your school the worst name yeah like nickname someone had or like just like a like a toxic one or you i uh there was this kid named jeremy he wore like a jacket that looked like um like you know camo with like the weeds on it. And he was kind of, he was fine. He was a nice guy, but also kind of like,

he was really tall. And I thought he thought he was better than me. So I told everyone that he drank his own piss. Oh my God. This is in high school. And it was clearly a joke. I would smile laughing and say, Jeremy drinks his own piss.

Did you know that? Clearly being like, obviously he doesn't do that. He's a own piss. Did you know that? Yeah. Clearly being like, obviously he doesn't do that. He's a normal guy and I don't know him, right? Unfortunately, everyone started to believe and make fun of him for that. Did you start, what was it, piss boy? No, they just said Jeremy drinks his own piss. You just started a rumor.

Yeah. These aren't stories of us being traumatized. These are all stories of us being the bully. Yeah, you guys are terrible people. I think like i was okay i hear okay for i for an eye this kid named jordan fifth grade he came up to me he said you got a butt chin hey butt chin nice and it ruined my whole day and then i would see jordan uh every week at like this special like class every every week for you know fifth graders class every, every week for, you know, fifth graders or whatever. And everything, he just called me butt chin and relentlessly teacher. No, no, no, just the kid. It was, it was during this like special class. And that's the only time I ever saw him.

And he just called me butt chin. And so you got a butthole for a chin, you know, wipe that butt chin. This guy's funny. Wipe your butt chin. I've never thought of that. Dude, it was brutal. And I thought it, like, I was self-conscious of my chin for, like, for years and years. Also, this other kid named Jordan, who ended up joining a gang. What is it with Jordan? Called the White Nightmares. And he had a gun. And he did meth later on. This is all true.

And he's on 8chan now. He made fun of me for not having armpit hair once he said you haven't even gone through puberty you don't have armpit hair that was i had pubes yeah but i didn't have armpit hair as an eighth grade yeah sure you did so every shut up so every time i raised my hand in the in the class i would do this audio listeners he's showing off his armpit hair right now because he's insecure i would do this to make sure no one could see that I didn't have armpit hair. Yeah, I have Italian blood, much like you. And in the second grade, I had a bunch.

I had like the amount of arm hair I do now, but in the second grade. And this kid, Addison, I showed up to school and he would call me like hairy all the time. He'd be like, you're so hairy. It's so weird. And I got really self-conscious. So I went home and I shaved my arms with my sister's razor. And I came back to school. And then he made fun of me for having shaved arms.

He was like, you shaved your arms girl yeah I was like dude what the fuck I can't realize it's a great lesson he taught you that day yeah you can't please everybody you'll never win I know of a group of bullies who gave a nickname to someone we just started calling Aiden Amon at one point and now we get this insane amount of comments or DMs from people like is his name Amon I don't think Amon's malicious it's not like no I know but it's just so funny that people think his real name is yeah that has taken place I also think uh in in my life I think one thing I'm good at is taking things in stride like I think in general like this is not the first time i've been given some sort of nickname and i don't think i've ever refused a nickname of any kind even if that

nickname is like somewhat crass like i've told you about my friend group that just calls me anus and then and then of course of course so many people would say just aids because they thought that was hilarious yeah and uh at no point have I ever refuted any of these nicknames because eventually people just keep saying them and then you just really are that person. And it doesn't really matter. It becomes your identity. Sorry, go on, go ahead.

Amon has this bit of a guy who's like, he's just really like shaking hands. And so every time you just like go to shake his hand, he's like, yeah, you say anything. You're like, I'm going to kill your whole family tonight in real life and he's like all right you're a handshaker and it extends to him being like look man i just i just like talking to people you call me anus that's all right just like hanging out i all my friends in

like uh middle school to high school were like uh like middle eastern or like mexican i was like the only white kid in the group and they all all called me White Devil. That was their nickname for me. Until eventually, I also found it funny. And they didn't think it was cool anymore because I didn't care as much. Yeah, because the white man took it over yet again. They're trying to oppress the oppressor. You did steal back.

Like, wow, that's so meta. They're one win. Insane. At a certain point in the Xbox Live call, you stop taking shit you learn to be resilient in those trenches oh my god real quick um i i wanted to run something by you guys um so that i i had gone to the orthodontist a little bit ago because i had i was eating a korean uh Korean gummy candy that you got and

a piece of my retainer just broke. I have a retainer on my top row. It popped out. It just fucking came out of my mouth and it broke the bracket. I showed Ludwig and I was like, you should go to the dentist. I threw it away. There was this little

thing around my tooth for a while and finally Ludwig gets some bread and some benefits for his employees. And I'm like, I'll go. I'll go get it taken off. And so I do. And while I'm there, the orthodontist is like, all right, look, you got a problem. Your bottom row is, like, close to your top row. And, like, you bite down.

And it hits all your teeth. And this is going to grind down your teeth by the time you're 40. And also, it can make your profile look better but you need to wear braces and you need jaw surgery i told you guys about this yeah the reason i did not go through with this was because of this podcast because i did not want to be appearing on a weekly show with adult braces on my face well by what episode or is it cool then because like we will have established a fan base that will remember you for not having braces that's what i'm saying and but also it's stupid shut the fuck up shut the fuck up i don't want a physical change on my appearance because of an audio podcast oh i'm sorry there's three cameras right here yeah but

it's a podcast here's the thing here that zipper useless, dude. The zipper just blurs out my mouth. So there's this idea where I was like, so my biggest apprehension with this podcast was like Nick making this like creating this aura or this like articulation of us being wild and crazy guys when we're actually just not. And I'm like, that's not us. That's not us. And also cooler podcast people making fun of us it i'm i'm literally just always in middle at the annual podcast meetup they get together and go and you guys want to talk those yard boys and it scares me and someone like well if i have adult braces, I'm going to get fucking cooked. Right?

And I'm like, I don't want to get cooked. But I also want to fix my mouth. So what do I do? You're so in your own head, dude. It's insane. Dude, adult braces. Every time you look at someone who has braces, they always go like, they notice that you notice them, and they close up. Tarek?

Tarek was at an event that was filmed at BTS, and he was wearing braces at the time. And I remember he did a big smile because I said something funny, and he clammed up. Tarek was at an event that was filmed at BTS and he was wearing braces at the time and I remember he did a big smile because I said something funny and he clammed up. Just call yourself Metal Man. More machine than man. There's nothing cool about Tarek. Tarek should never be ashamed of anything because he brought that major home. That's what I'm saying.

Braces are just grills. You guys are assholes. You're not in this position. Grills for kids. So it's like you got grills, you'd be like, you got braces, you'd be like,

yeah, I got grills. I want you to know that that's why I didn't go through with that right away. And so now, because I've had an episode where I can talk about it, I will probably feel better and maybe I'll go through

with getting jaw surgery to fix my teeth. Ask them if they can ice them out. What do you mean? Like get some diamonds in your braces. Yeah, bro. Will you bankroll that?

Yeah. Get the Paul Wall braces pack. Get, like, a couple diamonds on the front two teeth. I'll be like, forget about it, cuh. They're like, what color rubber bands do you want? It's like, I want the rose gold up top and diamonds down bottom. I think the only thing I hate about braces and people with braces are the rubber band people who would like put the rubber bands in and they would just leave like a chemtrail of rubber

bands. I sat on the last plane I was on. A chemtrail? There was a rubber there was a braces rubber band on the armrest and I'm like I fucking know what these are. Yeah it's gross. I used these. Yeah. I used to play mine like an instrument. I'd like open my mouth and I'd be like It also makes your hands dirtier because you're like

mouth hand guy now. That's the problem with those braces. So that's what you have to look forward to. You have to be a rubber band guy? It'd be pretty funny if like every time you talk shit online or ban someone, they're like, aren't you the guy with adult braces? That's what I'm saying, dude. That'd be pretty funny. No, it's not funny.

Yeah, because you just post back a picture with your eyes. I'd find that funny. It's fine. I'll be fine. I'm a fucking adult. I would lean into it. I would make it fun. fun i would just like whatever my teeth would look better afterwards but it was i wanted that to be disclosed to you what if as a podcast like you know when everyone shaves their head in solidarity we all get a little i already had a little touch up my confession is i think because

i haven't worn a retainer in so long, I have to go in and do something similar. So we can do it together if you want. The thing they don't have about braces, your teeth get fucked up afterwards. It's never perfect. Can't you get like 2021 braces? Like I thought they fixed it so that it's like Invisalign and cool. They come with Fortnite now.

The lady was like, you can do Invisalign, but if you mess up once, you have to go to normal braces. And I was like, well, I'm going to mess up. Wait, so why not try it and just not mess up? And I was like, I'm going to mess up. Just don't mess up. You could just not mess up. Sometimes I fall asleep. Yeah, but even if you mess up, then you can just go back.

I eat a cookie, and then I fall asleep, and then I wake up, and my teeth look like fucking real monsters. You are not the human who would do that. You'd be so stressed out and anxious, you would just do it right i don't think so you yeah i don't know there's this horrifying photo of me so my teeth aren't aren't amazing but they are fixed from what they were before i got you're british by the way yes exactly i had the most horrific british teeth you have ever seen my like canines were up here so when you looked at my mouth like it just looks like somebody fucking kicked me in the face yeah like that's what i used to look like and i also it was one of the last haircuts i ever got from my mom which mom i'm sorry by the end you were

not doing a good job anymore i looked like a fucking idiot i'm sure i'm sure they were lovely there is this picture that can be unearthed. I may as well just make it public. Wait, the picture? With the wizard hat. No, that one is... This is significantly worse than the wizard photo. Are you willing to leak it?

Because I owned the wizard photo. You had to. I had to take that in stride. I posted that photo. The other one is not me posting it, and it's me looking like this horrifying, ugly British child. And I will, no, I'll just probably post it on like the Reddit or something. Yeah.

And I'll let, just let people like judge it. But this is before I had braces. And if I think, I think if I looked like that, like if I had never gotten that look fixed, I never would have met you guys. I would have, I would have been a bottom feeder in college who would have been socially stunted for life. It's the Nick birthmark. So yeah, so my birthmark from the last episode. So my mom listened to episode one. I didn't send it to her. She found it and she listened to it and unprompted did not message me about like, I love the show or

anything like that. She just sent me a photo of what I looked like after my surgery. And also a description of what cum is. So I'm going to, I'm going to get, yeah, she re-explained it, which was weird. I thought.

It feels like you didn't lock it the first time. I'm going to send zipper the photo so we can get it up on the screen so we can all look at it together. I have not shown anyone. How old were you for this, by the way? I was i was in ninth grade okay how old are you for this picture here i mean it's like right after i'm born you're a little baby oh yeah a little baby do you have a disgusting grotesque picture of yourself i don't think i've ever been embarrassed about anything i just have a mullet everything in my life is publicly available i don't think yeah you've you've pretty much opened it all up if a dick pic pic got leaked, I'd be fine with that. I'd be fine with it.

Real quick, while Zipper's getting that going, I found out... Oh, my God. Dude. What? Dude. Dude, holy shit. What is that? Dan Aykroyd in Coneheads is what it is.

Come on. It's not an earth mark. It's like a lump. What's it filled with? That was after the surgery, cut they had to cut me open That's why I have a scar and they put a balloon in that shit. Oh, you could put eyes on that be a second head Dude you could put like snacks in there. That's it. Oh my god. That would fit my chest. Oh perfectly I would fit that's why you guys are

Took my sternum she sent me this and i was just like what the fuck isn't it sick that like you're a baby though so you don't know you're like ugly yeah you're like a hideous monster just like you're like i think i still years and years of social ridicule that would have inevitably happened yeah there's a there's a sick trend on tiktok right now where it's just parents being like i'll always love what my baby looks like and then posting like ugly pictures of their babies as like juxtaposition and then like all the comments be like just kidding though in case they see this parents roasting their kids on tiktok yeah is evergreen real quick what's our runtime right now zipper typo type into notepad and communicate with us through the great beyond

it'll get there. I've been hearing some fervorous applause for the 90-minute club. I just want to know where we're at. 90-minute club. Rise up, rise up. 90-minute club. 1.5x podcast is what we'll be. Everyone gave me shit.

They're like, yeah, listen on 1.5. You can't 1.5x on Spotify. Can you not? No. That's embarrassing if they don't have that technology. I guess I don't know, but i'm pretty sure you can't uh 65 minutes perfect okay yeah so um what's he gonna say is like being grotesque like nick like being just like a hideous little monster baby get out of here oh yeah on the subject of of dick pics leaking ever, right?

And how you'd be fine with it. Sure. Yeah, I'd be fine. So, well, let me, let's just, because you should cut that. And then I'll posture this. This happened a while ago. People might not remember. But somebody hacked my old Twitter account, the Zany Sidekick, and threatened to, like, release a dick pic. Yeah.

And I reply, and I say, do it, pussy. Which was so hard yeah that was so fucking because i would be down because i got i just have like such a basic dick it's not like i have a huge dick well it's uncut yeah which is the the majority which is most of the world that's the most only jewish people and americans usually have a circumcision or a bris sure jewish uh and i don't so i'm normal weirdos don't point at me one time you got the default sim but anyway your dick pic what so really quick one time i walked into ludwig's room the old old house when he like first started streaming and he he didn't have pants on and he's

just at his computer desk and he's just kind of like touching his dick like and i'm like what's good bud and you're like nothing and it was so weird i'm like damn i i just like everyone does that right you turtle your dick you just play around and he was just doing it i'm like i'm gonna go this way now he's like okay and either way so i i picture that i know exactly what it looks like um well can i shout out my uncircumcised boys because you'll know if you grab your balls in your shaft and then you like push up a bit it looks like a mosquito my friends in high school that my friends in high school they used to say i still had my wizard cap dude all right i i i have been this is this is dawned upon me i kind of went through back like

through my life like traveled through the wormhole and i have been told this is a very very proud moment for me i've been told by multiple people in my life that i have a very um aesthetically beautiful penis wow so a breathtaking penis here's on god here's my take as someone who stumbled across anthony's erect penis in his camera roll that's right dude what i've never told you what this happened yeah you had a picture of it yeah he forgot to put it in the secret folder oh my god so he just he just had his phone out and we were looking at something else and he's like scrolling it was a picture of you or something yeah and then he just scrolls over and i'm like oh shit like i barely reacted i was like yeah i did i just see your cock no no it is the worst guy no he said that

in his mind because he came up after and he was was like, dude, I got to tell you something. Oh, yeah. Wait, wait, wait. You're right. You're right. Anyway, you see the dick pic and then you talk about it. Describe it to us. Was it breathtaking?

He called it breathtaking. Well, that's a strong word. Oh, I'm sure it was great. But it looked fine. How was the shot composition? Talk your boy up. I feel like there's a little jealousy. The shot composition? It was well lit it was like

He's got the Rembrandt triangle on the tip the dick was like the majority of the space he's not in the photo It's just his dick. Yeah, you didn't contextualize your penis with like an axe can or something It was like Small to his yeah, whatever he did it was it was good You didn't contextualize your penis with like an axe can or something? No. But it also didn't look small. Whatever he did, it was good work. How long ago was this? This was like in the fall. This was right after we moved into this place. It's weird.

It's weird. I always thought that like dicks were kind of ugly. They are. Yeah, like setting a dick pic is, I mean, unless specifically, was it specifically asked for? Yeah. Okay, that's fair. Thank God. Yeah. He's just setting it up. pick is i mean unless specifically was it specifically asked for yeah okay that's fair thank god yeah this reminds me there was one time in the old house the way the the entrance to the house was shaped was like you walk in the front door and the the upper level of the house is sort

of this like this uh walkway that wraps around like the atrium of the house and uh one time neeper was up there and he like he like faked he like he's pretending to like pull he's pump faking it's like you know it's like in mario uh in bowser's bigger blast when you like pump the thing i'm not gonna do it i'm not he was doing that with and he was doing that like he's gonna show us his dick yeah and uh and then eventually he just drops it in front of everybody. We're all looking at him. Right. And I'm off to the side and everybody gets a full frontal view of Neep's dick.

But from where I'm looking at, this box perfectly censors his crotch. So I miss it. Like Austin Powers. Yeah. It was like that scene in the Simpsons movie where it just like perfectly censors his dick for a second. Oh, sure, okay. Yeah, and I always thought like, wow, I just, I escaped unscathed

by just like some luck of having boxes lying around. Yeah, I wish that would have happened when he walked into my room and pissed in the trash can for a bit. I couldn't, I just like, you won't do it. When I was a kid, my mom told me this. I had like a habit where I'd sleepwalk and I'd always do the same thing where I'd sleepwalk to the bathroom and pee in the trash can. And at a certain point, she didn't find it funny anymore.

She's like, fuck, dude. That's lit. My idiot fucking kid is pissing in the trash can. The trash can is not bad. It's better than the floor. It's going in a thing. Yeah, I'm sure my sleepwalk aim was not perfect. I'm sure I'm missing the trash can.

Imagine now. That's fair. You're on the ball i i apropos of that one time i remember the first and probably it was the first time my dad was ever disappointed in me i don't think it ever left his eyes but i uh i was five no i was five years old why would he be disappointed it's? It's beautiful and huge. Don't exaggerate. Don't exaggerate. I'm five years old.

I wake up. I had shit my own pants while I was sleeping. There was shit all over the bed and in my underwear. In your sleep? Yeah. You had a nocturnal poop? I pooped my pants when I was five years old. I remember this.

And my dad comes in. I was like, dad, I pooped my pants when I was five years old. I remember this. And my dad comes in and I was like, dad, I pooped. And he comes and he sees it. And he's just like, oh, come on. Like, like. Ah, son, you're fucking shit everywhere. No, he was like, he had a look on his face like, I don't want a kid. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. And I was like, yeah, man. Dude, so I would go to France every summer. And like when I was younger, I didn't like speak French super well and i showed a bit of it and and uh and i would always be like transported to random houses random aunts random uncles one time we go to like this insane huge random french country house and uh and i'm in bed and i have to pee really bad but i don't know where the bathroom is and i'm like a stupid 12 year old and so i I'm just like panicking. It's like, it's like built up so heavily and I, and I don't want to leave the room and wake people

up. And so I just panic. I panic. I panic. Eventually I can't hold it in anymore. I just get up and I piss my pants willingly. And then I just take my pants off and I sleep naked. And then I just take my pants off and I sleep naked. That's what I came up with as a solution. You see no other option. I know. I just panicked. And I just pissed my pants at like 12 years old, took my pants off, and there's a giant puddle of piss on the floor. And then I just went to bed naked.

And then like French people, they wake up at like 9 a.m. They're like, oh, pourquoi t'es pas grisé maintenant? Il faut manger un petit déjeuner, They have a word for exactly what happened. And then I'm there. Oh, the French word for a child who can't find a bathroom and decides to really piss himself. I wake up and I have to be like, Look, I don't want to scare you,

but next to me is a giant puddle of piss and shit wait you shat no no just a giant puddle of piss and pants so this is a this happened like not too long ago this is a couple years ago and I decided to go to Munich for Oktoberfest to meet up with some friends from college all of them were there already for like study abroads or something like that and we decided to all go meet there because it was most of the end of their like terms. And I went out for the weekend and we're staying in an Airbnb together. And on one of the days, like the first day of Oktoberfest that we're there for, everybody gets like shit faced. And I'm super jet lagged because I've only been there one day so i left early and

i've been staying at the apartment hanging out with the guy who is our airbnb host who i found out is a sexual exhibitionist is uh and has a bunch of erotic art all around this apartment not really related to the story in the end but we became but we became a little bit better yeah yeah he was like he was talking about going to burning man and like having sex with like you know all these different people in his apartment he also had a birthday party while we were there and they did like pcp in the hallway which was fucking crazy yeah anyway i wouldn't know where to find my friends come wasted like later in the evening i'm well rested by this point and i'm not drunk at all and uh they like eventually go crash they've been like really loud they go crash in the evening. I'm well rested by this point and I'm not drunk at all. And they like eventually go crash.

They've been like really loud. They go crash in the bedroom that we're all staying in. And one of my friends, Natalie, had walked in and out of one of the other rooms. And the guy comes up to me and he's like,

look, you got to go clean up what happened in there. Natalie has seemingly pissed all over the floor of one of his bedrooms or you name drop all your nart that's insane no hold on hold on hold on it'll come around it'll come around it'll come around it's okay to name natalie here but everyone stop listening everyone stop listening everybody they're all like blacked out and passed out now i have no way of getting her to clean up her own piss and he's just like look i'm not gonna do it and i'm like fuck man so i go i like go to work like i'm willing

to clean up my friend's like just bucket of piss that is on the floor it's a day one homie and i i i'm like halfway through this and i'm like this doesn't it's like not that yellow and it's like it doesn't like smell or anything and i get it all cleaned up and i'm like look dude she didn't piss on your floor she must have just spilled something i'm sorry like we're all invasive but that's when i was i knew i was the the best friend she could have asked for because i was willing to do that i was willing to mop up her piss while she slept and she never actually did it i don't know why she spilled like a fucking bucket of water on the floor or why the host assumed or she left that situation like yeah you guys know aiden aiden mopped up my piss the host who accused her of peeing slime yet again he strikes i wish i had an airbnb i will always

be able to hold that over her that's actually actually huge. I would have done that for you. It's really interesting because I wonder if the guy was just like, this has to be piss. I live in a world of, it's either piss or it's not. Everything is either piss or it's not. I feel like that was his. He could have done a little more detective work if I'm being honest. But he was a little, I mean, he was clearly pumped for his birthday later that night, which was fucking. He's like, Hey, I went in there and I tasted the shit on the ground.

It's pissed, but not the good kind. You got to go clean that shit up. I'm about to do PCP for nine hours. Clean this shit up, dude, or I'm going to kill myself. It's after that whole night. Cause he parties that whole night and we, we wake up the next day and we come out and he greets us like, like he's really nice the whole time. He's a really sweet dude. And he's like, good morning like good morning like how are you guys did you have a good sleep but

when we we open the door he is in a green banana hammock and that is all he is wearing he's like full cheeks out and just like but doesn't address it just talks to a burning man with that's europeans getting away with it yeah that's it oh yeah I forgot this was in Germany this is in Munich Europeans get away with everything

they can just pretend it's normal in their country and you'll be like oh yeah that's fair wait sorry we got no AC do you want to have sex

with my butthole he could have said or done anything that weekend and it would still be five stars alright to cap us off

with one final topic on our piss and cum cast also really quick i read a lot of comments as feedback from the first episode everyone's like you guys need more topics you gotta talk about more topics we come back and we're like so pee pee poo poo piss balls i got you i got you this is this is what happened in the past week. A new world record. I was on a stream with Mizkif. Yeah. During an auction. And in the most expensive video game ever sold.

It was a copy of Super Mario 64. That was graded 9.8. And it sold for 1.56 million dollars. Holy shit. Which was especially astonishing. Because Miz had bought about the same exact copy. Like probably worth about 500K, and got scammed. Because you can get like open copies graded, and he didn't realize it was opened. And he spent like 10K to get it.

It would have been worth 500K today if he had recognized, but the guy pretended it wasn't opened. Wow. But anyway, that's the new world record. And look, i want to i want to give back to the people what is this shit this is nostalgibating right that's all it is 1.56 million it's just nostalgibating from 20 30 years ago yeah you don't do that to vector man for the sega what's 20 30 years from now oh no yeah what right now 20 30 years are people buying for 1.56 million dollars a picture of adan shingles an nft a drop of natalie's piss oh poor natalie sorry sorry natalie by the way

who didn't who didn't actually piss on the floor to be clear it was we all saw but we wish you did well well don't say that all right natalie's not gonna fucking come over now go on what's your what's your scheme well that's my scheme it's what isn't that are you not astonished at all at this 1.56 million dollar mark for us most of our 64 it's pretty crazy i feel like but this is also like i would this is like what you as like a rich guy read about now. Right. Because like I don't if someone pays 100 grand for like 1.6 to me, that's just like, yeah, they're both absurdly high numbers.

These guys shouldn't be spending this. After trying to explain to my parents how like you'll go on a stream and be like a Baba Booey Baba Booey and you'll just like have money come in and like will like pay to have you watch videos of monkeys and stuff like none of this surprises me anymore people fucking have money and it's also i think it's also just like more modern art like filling like what paintings and like a shit like that already does right yeah it's like what what was the one i think it's a da vinci painting or a Van Gogh painting that just sold for like 500 million pounds. Really? Yeah. And it's the most expensive painting ever sold.

One of the Saudi royalty bought it. And yeah, that's just going to happen with art from our time over time. I came up with a genius idea. Yeah? Because I understand nostalgia. Good scam? Yeah. Nostalgia, autographs in famous people.

How do you combine that 30 years from now? Everybody should laminate their vax card and store it. And then they'll grade vax cards in like 50 years. They are one of a kind to each person. Yeah. So a celebrity one is worth something. That's a good point. I know.

Leonardo DiCaprio's vax card. The vax card? In 50 years when like you have to explain to humans what COVID is because they weren't alive for it? Okay, now I'm on board. It's like, wow, Bob Saget had J&J. One valued less. One dose?

Less ink on this. I should have gotten Pfizer. What would be the most? Because it's always things that are manufacturer defects that can be the most rare sometimes. Yeah, like a defect. So like what would be the equivalent of that for a vax card? Is it just one dose? Yeah, getting the J&J?

Yeah. Finding out someone got a two dose. Why did Ozzy Osbourne get eight doses? Someone got the Arnold Palmer. Yeah. And it's like Brad Pitt. Because he's like, I don't know, do both.

I don't care. Yeah, they got the ambrosia shot with all three Moderna, Pfizer, and Johnson & Johnson. There would also be an uprising of celebrities who were found out to never have gotten it.

Yeah. Yeah, and they'd be outed. The most valuable card, I think, would be people you think that didn't get it that actually didn't lie about it. And then there'd be like

Tom Cruise would have a holographic Vax card if that worked. Dude dude they should have just done that from the jump like like like the the federal government should have just given you like special foil oh dude the shiny tom cruise moderna yeah that's so hard to find what if he has the first edition misprint they could have done it so it was like you know how like you get like you know fucking grandparents give their kids like a in 18 years this is worth a hundred dollars but you have to wait your vax card is that and like in 18 years it's worth like 150 you can cash it in yeah like like a trust yeah like a try you're like a bond so the card you get is your trust and so you're just

incentivized to do it that's pretty you know what would be fucked up though people would start to scam the system and get additional vaccine shots to get more COVID cards, right? Always going to be someone trying to stack their bread here, and then they become, like, this shambling, like, vaccine husk. There'd be one dude who collects the vaccines,

like, somebody collects passport stamps, where he gets, like, he goes to Cuba, like, through another country to get the Cuban vaccine, and then he, like, goes to China to like through another country to get the cuban vaccine and then he like goes to china getting to get the chinese one he's like yeah they look at his arm like a heroin addict he's like it's like all the pieces of exodia like if you collect all the all the vax cards from the people of the yard you get to kill us all it's vaccine tourism if you're gonna get famous laminate your card now trust me you. Are you going to do it? Oh, yeah. I'm pawning that off.

All right. Let me know right now. All right. What would you let it go for right now? Thinking that if it would increase in value in the future, but let's say someone says 100K. What? Yeah.

You would? Yeah. 100K? A hundred percent. Really? Yeah. Bro, I'd sell mine for a Starbucks gift card. I'm going to be real. real I'm gonna buy all yours

And sell them off to viewers Listeners to the pod Who download this podcast Can win Amon's Vaxxar We're actually raffling off My ability to like Get into You know

Social gatherings Like do things Yeah Yeah I think I think it's a smart idea You're always A teacher always said keep your

eyes on your own paper and that's what you do i have a quick question about the super mario 64 thing yeah is there not a a 10 that would be more that's the problem is these these values are determined by these fucking third-party agencies that are like yeah it's a nine and it's like go fuck yourself they try to make an objective but you are right it's kind nine. And it's like, go fuck yourself. They try to make it objective, but you are right. It's kind of like the American importing and deporting system. Oh, yes. Like of people? Yeah. What are you talking about?

We don't import people. But we deport them. That's actually crazy. This Mario game is kind of like this. Lovely. Please explain. The human who stops you when you go into the country and you're from a foreign country. The customs agent?

The customs agent. Yeah. The customs agent is literally just a human who subjectively decides whether you're allowed right like they're supposed to follow some objective rules but at the end of the day they kind of make the call and they can just say no you can't come here they can't do that they can't i hate american customs and that yeah that sucks i think it's the same thing with grading where it's like they're supposed to follow these rules but at the end of the day it's the same thing with grading where it's like, they're supposed to follow this rules. But at the end of the day, it's just like a dude and maybe his eyes fuzzy or he's a bit dumb that

day. And he's like, yeah, maybe, maybe it's a 9.6. We sent a shitload of Pokemon cards to, uh, to PSA and 36 and they came back so fucking bad.

Only one was a 10 and 35 more. And it's actually, it was like, I, cause I remember Taffo. I was like, I told him, I was like, they fucking scammed us, dude. And he's like, because i remember taffo i was like i told him i was like they fucking scammed us dude he's like yeah probably yeah i'm like okay that's cool that's

so but it's like you know what also regraded fuck rich people i could yeah i could i could crack them open and get them graded from a different company but but to answer your question i don't think a 10 has ever been uh found yet it might i mean to be fair you have to be a psychopath if in like 1990 whatever you buy super mario and then you keep it in pristine condition if this shit keeps blowing up there's gonna be like a big short-ass scandal for this type of thing oh there's gonna be some money on the inside and people were people were making like backhanded you know dude slime slime once said something to me that i've kept with me forever and it was that nothing that has been printed millions of times

is rare and is worth anything. And I think that's not entirely correct, but it has framed the way I look at things I hold on to a lot better for me. And I'll be like, I don't need to, sometimes I'll hold on to like a thing because I'm like, this is going to be worth something someday.

And I'm like, it probably fucking won't. And I just get rid of it. It just depends if other people don't recognize that and then theirs deteriorates and then they stop printing it and if people give a shit right again vector man does not fetch the price of super mario 64 slime also bet me one time that mario tennis came out on the gamecube first for 50 so not an entirely i was sweating i was sweating because it was like a poker hand you just sat there there because you were like, you knew for sure, but I had you doubting. You had me doubting because he was so positive. And I kind of didn't know.

And you just sat there. It was for 50 bucks. And at the time, I was like, I don't want to lose 50 bucks. And you're just like, okay, I'll take the bet. And then we looked it up. I go back. I'm like thinking, I'm like, did I just read a creepypasta once? I'm pretty sure I played this game like every fucking day. it's also the first game that waluigi ever appeared in yeah

that was no that was the bet no no the bet was whether or not the game existed oh i don't know he was like no it came out for the game put her there i'm like power terrace the first one ever they just added power for fun slime does have rare boomer knowledge sometimes where he can just say like oh yeah no uh that came out in 2008. Yeah. Dan the other day brought up Dark Angel with Jessica Alba, which aired on Fox. I've watched every episode when it came out.

Her name was X5. The guy she was like partnered up with, I believe his name was Jesse. Rare boomer knowledge. This is the shit I have in my head. This was the only chance for him to talk about that. I'm just saying. It happened yesterday.

That's about 90, boys. All right. How do you want to close it out? That's a hot 90. You want to close it out? You want YouTube voice? I actually don't. Hey! Why are you asking me that?

I can only. I'm trying to think about it. How about we close it out in YouTube voice, and we'll each try. Well, just one person tries this week, and we can have another person next week. Nick, give us an outro as Corpse Husband. Do your corn husbando. My corn husband, thank you for watching The Yard. That's it. How was that?

Not good? See you next week! Bye!