The Yard - Ep. 226 - The Goon Squad

Episode Date: November 19, 2025

This week, the boys talk about Aiden's trip to Japan, hiring a mouse detective for the office, and how the goon commander was real this whole time... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dude, it would suck to get a dog from your puppy mill and it just has puffy nipples and you got to stare at them. You paid like $800 for a puppy and it has puffers. Guys. Disgusting. What do we come on. Dude, I'm so genuinely glad I ignored everything you just said. Like, and I mean that's so sincerely.

Like, what are we doing here if not excited at the idea of talking about that? About puffer nipples? Not just any puffer nipples, but look at it. A designer corgi with eight puffers. Eight pepperones. And you got to throw it in the pool and all the other dogs laugh at it because it has to paddle around. It's wearing a shirt in the pool. It's wearing a shirt in the pool.

What's over there? What are you got over there? The lights flickering. Oh. Oh, the zipper fixing the lights. Holy shit. It's a, it's a dog shirt with a bone on it, but it's soaked through and the puffers are all going through.

You got puffy nipples poking through that shirt. You know what? I realize about you guys. What did you realize? I realize you guys are real comfortable joking about animals. Okay. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. Because you don't own one. I had pets growing up. That don't count. Why not? His dog's name was Booker. We met Booger. Yeah.

Because children... Booker was fucked up. Because children don't really take care of the pet. Huh? Children don't really take care of the pet. I had pets like into my 20s. You didn't take care of the pet. But they didn't live with you when you moved out.

When I moved out, they no longer lived with me. That's what I'm saying. They lived with me while I lived with them. That's a kid pet. Kid pet's a different than adult pet. Dude, if you're like, I live with my dog. So are you saying that if I... Bro, the dishes.

My room. made such a piece of shit. He left water all over the ground. He's got eight puffy nipples is so annoying. I think you would talk less about fucking animals if you had one, yeah, Aiden. I think you would. I'd talk less and do more. That's for sure. Yeah, well, I think I'd lash out all the time.

Because you don't have a pet. Because I don't have a laparador to go home and suck my dick. It's not at all what I thought you were going to say. I was even be sexual Can I just talk about fucking my Corgi's massive pepperones? without wanting to fuck the dog.

Imagine Aiden finding out he's allergic to peanuts because he tried to put peanut butter on his balls. Oh, they're huge. They swell up. God damn it. You have the fucking doctors. You have swollen, swollen nuts. And you have to be like, I put peanut butter out.

I'm really an allergic reaction, but what did you put on? Not an allergic reaction. Lubrican for a woman. Maybe I had sex. I loaded them up with peanut butter. They looked like pool balls. They should make peanut butter for sex.

Now, no, this. Like, K-Y peanut butter. you know do they get by it as spencers I was thinking is there did the guys who like have the ball they have their dog eat the peanut butter off their boner or whatever

do they put it on the balls it's the opposite it's for the balls no I'm not talking about in general but I'm saying that I think the thing is you put it on your nuts they lick it off your nuts yeah are guys putting peanut butter on their shaft

I don't think you want your dog to be oh my Oh, why? Well, you cheat him your nuts? That makes me, look at him. Young man. Young man. I think my point's been proven.

I feel good about myself. Young man, the balls only. No shaft. This is a you three thing. Wetherby down. Sexual energy. Stop it. Kido.

No ball, no shaft. You just sorry, what? Just the nuts. 13th century name do you have for a dog? I know, I love really. Weatherby? Yeah, I love really advanced. like like oh that's gross zipper that's what I'm fucking talking about flavored

massage oil peanut babe I'll be home I got to pick up some lick on the way that's that's like how a mistress would kill you for your fortune aden yeah I want you to dream with me it's like my whole family's dead it's just me and my dog at the end of the candy war okay you're at the candy war it's me and my dog in the candy war and I use my last Reese's cup on my balls. So you're saying like I am legend but it's just Will Smith getting his dick sucked? No, no, no, I couldn't have been like a German shirt.

My digs are getting sucked. He's licking my ball. Why are you differentiating? When it's checking if the dog's dead? He's like, he's like, come on, boy. Come on. One more lick. He's dangling his balls in front of his nose.

It doesn't just dry The dog wakes up like smelling salts And you get fucking weird about this Yeah, what's the problem? Why do you smell this? I do. Because I think, because I think you guys can only do this. Whatever happen to yes and?

Huh? What happened to it? It's impossible. Comedy's dead. Because the moment you start talking about all this, I imagine it for real. Because Ricky Jervais made his new special. You know what, comedy's dead. Because everyone's all mad at it.

That's right. he's dead, so is God. Because he made... Because he made... Don't do that fucking face, bro. He made woke a problem. Well, wait a minute. So, does that mean when Aiden has a kid

because he's likely the next up? And he names is it Gwynifer? And he names is it Gwynnifer Svierrechen Duncan? Yeah. Gwynnefer... Gwynnifers and don't get it would be harder, I imagine, and none of us have kids.

But I think it'd be harder to talk about the kid purge. The kid purge. I talk about the kids. There'd be a lot of things. Four hours later. And then all that other stuff. The dead kid. Yeah.

All of that, you'd probably throw it out. I think I might talk about it more. It'd be so fresh on my mind. I talk about the kid perch so much more if I have a kid. No, you wouldn't. No, because I'm thinking about killing my kid. Yeah. No, we're thinking about suiting him up for more.

Pause. Why are you thinking about killing your kid? Because he's passing me off. Because he's in the way. You don't even have a kid. Your imaginary kid is pissing him. you off? What do you do? This is unironly? Did he ask for food? Oh my God, and he cried while doing it.

He's just getting fucking. He said, Dad, can I have the stinky fish from the can? And you're like, no! What are they teaching you at that fucking school? And then you're in an overtime CS2 game, CS3 game at this point? It's 14, 14. I'm playing with Nick Yingly with 180 pink. Yeah. Because I still need him as my duo, you a partner. It's Fierrejan, your kid. Yeah. Is Fierrejan wants some food.

Want some food. And I said, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you If you speak Swedish to me again, I'm going to kid bird you right here. Kid, you start playing with Nick Yingling and play with me, Dad. Let me ask you a question. Your kid comes home from Montessori school. He just finished finger painting for the 11th day. And he goes, Dad, I want to watch The Simpsons. Yeah.

What do you, he's, and he's six. What do you say? Ooh. I, I, I say. All my friends like The Simpsons 2, it just came out. I say, no, son, because I've made it this far and I've never watched it. So how badly could you need it? And I transfer my trauma.

And I'm my baddie mom, your baddie grandma, she did not let me watch The Simpsons. And I will continue this tradition. That's what I would say. You would tell, well, you would say genetically you aren't related to the baddie that is my mom. So Uncle Slym is married to your grandma. That means he's going to let you watch the Simpsons. We're almost for Easter.

Spiarsian Duncan and no Simpsons. Go, no screens in this house. Go play with your Corgi's pepperone. 11 years old, Spirchen comes up to you, he goes, Papa, I want to make a tweet account. Yeah, yeah.

I want to see what it's like on Twitch.com. I want to donate to Amaranth, his daughter. He used to have a German one too. Why not? I've one sexy German kid. Yeah, yeah. Why is like that? No, I mean, that's a sexy accent.

No, my kid's not sexy. You're a sexy voice. You said he was a sexy kid. I know, my kid is dog shit ugly, I guess you can say you have a sexy kid. No, you can't. No, I think that's bad. But you can kiss your kid on the lips.

You can kiss your kid on the lips. You can kiss your kid on the lips? Taylor Swift said sexy. She is a sexy baby and it's in a song. Yeah, yeah, but she's an adult woman. Kissing the kid on the lips is not as bad as calling it sexy. Yes. If you are a parent, you are allowed to call your kid sexy, if you do not kiss it on the lips.

Oh, but if you do kiss it on the lips. You are not allowed to say it's a trade. It's like a prisoner's, prisoner's dilemma. Who's the number one people who are hurting the kids? Um, Um, the left. Oh, try again. Oh, shit.

Try again. Oh, slam dunkerone on the pepperone man. Kobe just didn't fucking dunking over a cori with huge nipples that can't reach the hoop. Um, who's the number one of hers hurting the kids? Yes. I don't know what you were implying. Tell me the answer. Well, the answer is other kids in the purge.

But the second, the number two is that they're parents. That's right. They're parents. Why the parents are the most scrutinized. That's why I'd call it sexy, because it would be so, like, not happy. Like, thanks for calling me sexy, mom, dad. Uh, well, what was he said? Kelby's unironically like that.

He imagines situations to hate kids and then talks about it. You imagine situations to hate everything. You imagine situations to kill Kelby and Edith. You imagine, you imagine situations of Kelby imagining these situations. Yeah. No, he did it in front of my face. Kelby said one sentence kind of about this one time.

You're like, I bet in high school you were a fucker. And you're already mad about it. I bet you were a fuck. I bet you were a student counselor, you're a fucker. Wait, oh my God, I got a yearbook photo of Kelby in high school. No. I bet he looks the same.

Does he have like Ludwig high school haircut? You think he'll be mad if I put it up here? Oh, he has the... Yeah, if he showed it to the people for sure. We'll blur it. But we'll look at it. We can look at it, but yeah, I don't think you can just ask him too

he's outside and we're gonna blur it I would just talk to him no yeah that'd be sure blur it I think it's funny to blur it because then it's this Eldridge it's just respectful to ask him where is it just ask them ask him to what

what did he show us all on his phone it's the same thing no it's not what you're talking about this is a podcast yeah we blur it yeah there's just a second party Zipper recoil

Yeah, so for his recoil at the... Show me, water polo, Kelby. It looks fine. It looks great. It was totally normal. With the context of who he is now. He looks fine. What is the context of his now? The baby Looney Tunes, Kelby, he's like teaching all the other kids about finance.

You're Wath I-O-A. By me a wool. Taz is a brand risk. It's... I'll work for a low-wake until he stops making me money. Baby Walshie playing Halo still. still. Yeah, he actually looks, he's got neck. You can, that's where I draw the line. You're talking about it, you're talking about a minor,

about the high schooler, man. That's not no damn high schooler. That's literally a high schooler. Ten wonderful minutes. Ten wonderful minutes of towing the line. He's in the book of high schoolers. Look at how long his neck is. You're talking about a high schooler. He's talking about high school. His neck is still that way. You can't say high school Kelby got neck. He didn't shrink. He's not a cupa. He's got the, he's got the Chad neck. little bit. He's got the Adams apple of a guy with a deep... That's not what you were saying by the way. Look at his trap. Look at his trap. Huh? He's all one big trap. It is. He's got gamer trap.

But the left arm beat off, man. Well, actually he's in high school still. It's a high school brother. You're talking about high school or beating off now. We all we all high school. Maybe you don't when you're starting. You don't get to talk about high school and it's being off still. It's true I guess. You can talk about it. We learned about it in health. We live

in America. Yeah. And we talk about whatever we want. China. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay. But you shouldn't. You know, that's not. But you shouldn't.

Dude, I like, I like your facial hair. Are you being mean? I'm not being mean. Because it sounds like you're setting up to be mean. So something about what, weirdly, what happened to your facial hair is that it's growing more. I think it's a 30-year-old thing. Well, yeah. I think, look, I've long held that I can grow facial hair.

It's growing. It's... Can, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it can look good. It looks funny at the moment, but it looks better than it always, than it, like, usually.

My dad had a beard. Okay. Okay. And it was big. Yeah. And people talked about it. Yeah. And so I can do it too.

Okay. I just have to push through. Stone beard. Yes. Stone bread. I just have to push through this face is what I think my theory is. It's a lot of people. It's so itchy.

I want to shave it so bad. Do you get stuff? caught in the mustache. It's not that big. I also don't eat that crazy. You eat crazy. I don't eat crazy. I was watching the documentary

about Jeremy Fragrance. Have you seen that? No. There's like a YouTuber who like flew to me. Do you know Jeremy Fragrance? I don't know the documentary. Oh. I know you know Jeremy.

I don't jerk off, but I don't come. I don't come. I do it, but I don't come. He starts off the documentary almost immediately talking about how he just checked off camera. It's pretty cool. Jeremy Fragrance does? Yeah, but there's a there's a clip where he and you know he didn't come. He did not, no, no, no, he's being, his reality is keeping it up. He's so awesome, man. But he, he, dude, that's what I expected Kelby to look like in the high school

pick. Like fucking Gavin Newsom. In the middle of it, he's making lunch for the, the guy who's filming him for the documentary and it's such a fucked up thing he eats every day, but I was just like slime would love this. What is it? It's like seaweed. and then inside there's sardines, whey powder, um, uh, like a million spices.

Like so much salt and pepper. Uh, jalapinos. Um, I think you've got me fucked up because I don't like seasoning things very much. If you can find it, if you can find a zipper, it's somewhere in the middle of that documentary.

You'll see it in the thumbnail. And then they took, he takes a big bite out of it and he makes a face like, like, like he's up in it. Like, oh, like he's in. Enjoying this shit like he's lapping it up. I think well I don't I don't I don't play scrandall. Yeah, I play scrandt. Germans are fucked They're dude. You go to a German football stadium. It's like Dortmund FC and and it's like a literal fish with a toothpick through it. It says like unknown scrandt. Yeah and it's like

Dude, you hate unknown scrandt. It's one euro 49 p and then and then it's going against fries that look like they came out of an ass and you're like fuck man. Like the silent hill. I that is a burger. Yeah. Dude, it's fucked what they do in Europe. The Germans, they eat whatever. Like, there's one that's just toast and there's just onions on it. And they'll call it pizza. Yeah. Like, they do fucked up shit like that where where it's like, it's like a pizza. It's like a bagel and then it has like pickles on it. And it's like open face burger. And if there's a pipe behind it, you know it's like a nine nine. As long as there's a pint. Yeah, pint buff in that game is crazy. It also saturation buff. But the picture is just kind of nice. Or if you can see the soccer field, it helps. These are dog eyeballs. These are dog nipers. We love. We farm us dog nipos from Sweden. If they've never been in a pool, they're a delicacy.

There's no cloy. It's like caveats, was. God, that's where we need to go next. We need to go to Berlin. Yeah, we go to Germany. How many times you've been to Germany? Berliner. One? Mr. World.

I've only been one. This is it. This is it. Oh, okay. Wow, that does look horrible. Is he wearing an all white suit? That is so much garlic powder. Holy shit. You know why?

He says, because it helps your boner. Oh, Dustin looks so good. Dude, just take to sauce road. Just genuinely take to sauce around. I cannot look at him without thinking about it that freaks me out. He had this TikTok where he like sneezed and its giant tonsil stone came out. Yeah. And I...

It's the grossest thing. And I can't... Oh, that's a joke. He's kidding. I don't know, man. This is a ridiculous amount of parsley. Okay, so the oregano or the parsley, the parsley and the oregano, it's because... It's because back in the day in Germany, they'd say, like, you have any sort of illness in your body at all ever, ever, you eat oregano, it just gets rid of it. That's what he's saying.

That's what he's saying right now. It must be the driest cough to ever exist. How is his throat not charcoal? I want to see him put it down his gullet. And then watch the pepper, watch the pepper. Oh, fresh... He really gets in there with the pepper. Fresh cracked pepper.

This is for just for him. This is unbelievable. You know what? The pepper I can't blame. That amount of pepper's fine to me. He's gonna eat all of these? Oh yeah, he finishes it. No, no, the third one is for the camera guy

and then I think the first two are for him. I think the middle one is maybe meal prep or he eats two of them. Two for me, one fall you. He is German, yeah? I believe he is German. All right, just go a little bit forward until he goes more ingredients.

Also, he tries to wrap it really quick. Watch him wrapping it. He implies that he does this every day and he cannot wrap it. That's why, like, what are, Ludwig was saying I think it's for the for the gram dude that one actually does really well the first one is wet the first one is wet and like he kind of breaks it and shit you do need a white pollen he was be pollen in it he claims there's gold in it sure yeah man

the gold might suck the the bees might suck the gold out dude yeah it's too wet he wet it too much oh no look I don't blame him this is a disaster seaweed's tough to handle go to the eating dude look at how he look at his eyes but he take no the first I want to see that first bite wait isn't that a yeah he's a pretty he's a big YouTube Robinson what's his name I get Tyler something it's Porter Robinson's brother it is shit yeah that's like Dan aoki and Steve aoki really watch this he's gonna be in this shit oh we're in pop we're in high speed right now that's how long he dude it looked like it was slow-off yeah and then him coming into frame like

saves it this is genuinely how slimming sardine out of cans no no no no no no no you guys I don't savor thing okay so what I would like about it is the sardines and the seaweed and the dog eating the peanut butter off size balls he also says in this I didn't is this true he says sardines and anchovies are the same fish one just gets bigger I don't know is that real that's it sounds like it's different fish they think once they could turn into a certain size they become and I mean that's like saying it's an Italian great well you actually that can be true right if a fish is a certain size is a different fish now I think that coming from from Jeremy Fragrance. I don't trust anything he says.

Like if a yellowtail's big enough, it becomes a booty. Really? What now? So that's, that makes sense. Booty. You said booty. Booty. Uh, well, I was it going to say that he... You don't trust him because... I don't trust him because it's Jeremy Fragrins. He's German? Uh, well, inherently. I don't trust him because his whole thing is getting attention. So I think he, yeah, I think he...

Maybe he's just a cartoon character of a man, but I think if he is a cartoon character of a man, it makes him more successful. Do you see, you know, see what I'm saying? But do you think the jerk-off thing? was like, because that was so off the cuff. I think that was probably genuine. Right. And I think what was interesting about that is being candid about something so personal.

Well, in a, you know, in a, like a, talking about sense when he wasn't supposed to be talking about jerking off. Yeah. He voluntarily shared information out of nowhere that he couldn't come when he jerks off. He's just a streamer, bro. Yeah, I guess so.

He's just a streamer who eats crazy, crazy fucking fish. Dude, I watched Wolf of Wall Street last night. Banger. My girlfriend was like, okay, I want to watch three. There's three movies I haven't watched that I want to watch. The Social Network, The Wolf of Wall Street. Lovely. An American Psycho.

Dude, I'm like, she should rejoin Peterson. She's never seen any of those movies? He's never seen them. And I was like... Dude, this is the picks of a girl that a guy is imagining on 4chan. I know. This is like 27-year-old's favorite movies. I know.

And I was like, why do you want to watch like... If Christian Bale was in the social network, I'd be like, I think there's a... Maybe she should also watch The Dark Night. Do you want to watch Batman? It's my favorite. I was like, why do you want to watch these, like, Sigma, like, fucking Roman statue PFP movies? And she's like, I didn't even think about that. I just think they're interesting.

And I'm like, you have to work some shit out. We're going to watch Wolf of Wall Street. They're all banger movies. He tries to put a cat at ATM machine. That's one of the coolest ideas ever. In American Psycho, yeah, that's a great part. But, yeah, I picked Wolf of Wall Street because, I don't know, I thought it was. It's a treat.

Dude, it's too long. They're all good. I forgot. It's three hours. And then at the end, it says Martin Scorsese, and I'm like, that's fucking why. Yeah. This guy thinks that people give a shit about a three-hour movie still. Give me a tight 90.

Get the fuck out of my life. That scene where he, uh, where he ketamine crawls to his car. It's pretty cool. Yeah. I don't remember what drug is. What's he on? Uh, it's quailudes. But also, I didn't like that scene because he's crawling around and he can't use his legs,

and then he starts using his legs. In the car? No, before the car. And in the car. What are we doing? What are we doing? There's actually a really good background on that scene. I've seen, I've seen it.

Yeah, it's great. Oh. He, like, did a character study on this, like, really, really fucked up guy who walks into a 7-Eleven, and he mirrors all of his movements from, like, security camera footage. Really? Yeah. Well, I guess I'm stupid as hell, man. You're done, bro. You've never been on the ludes.

Leo's been on the ludes. He's been on the ludes, and he feeds him to his 25-year-old girlfriend, like a horse. And Margot looks beautiful. And Margot does look beautiful in it. We need a new social network, I think. We do. About Elon. About Elon.

Oh my God. An X. Dude, can I? No, we get that Chinese guy to play. Yeah, we get Elon Ma. To play. Have you seen it? Did you meet him?

Chinese Elon? Yeah. In Japan. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, not in Japan. Yeah. Where then? Where would I met him?

You've gone to China. When do you think he last went to China? Yeah. When I was 14, when I was 14, I went to Beijing. You think he was just in fucking China, bro? Dude, but he plays Elon Musk, but he's like the same. Oh man. I love how long it takes him to think of English words.

That's my favorite part of these. Wow. Wow! Come on, come on. He's looking around like the cops are looking for him. Yeah. Beautiful, beautiful. Do I hear just the beginning?

It's cool because he looks like Elon Musk, but he talks like Queble Cop. I want to hear the phrase. Hi, everyone. I'm Eluma. Yeah, that's cool. All right, I just wanted to hear that. That's crazy, man. Anyway, you get him to play Elon.

I want to be in it. Who am I? Who do I get to be? You can be using the app. In the X documentary, yeah, a user who's... The crazy user! Who wants to get to Elon? Yeah.

And I heard him. In a fictional sense. Aiden would play the big fan of Elon who's like Oh, like his, his bio says like investing, crypto, blockchain. Yeah, he has seven followers. My opinions are my own and they're better than yours.

I'm going to play the Russian who owns the bot farm. Oh. Oh, and I'm like, can I be a drop shipper? Like somewhere else. We can't, guys, we can't be usually have to be people in his life. Can I be the guy who stands in front of him when he brings in the sink? Yeah. Oh.

The Twitter employee. God. Yeah. And Aden can be Grimes. Yes. Yeah. You're Grimes? That's the real story.

It's not about the social network. It's about how he got his heartbroken and what it represents. The scene where Grimes zeded at Elon about their kid, that'll be the saddest part of the movie. She has to use the platform to get to him. And I'll type it. And she's like, you have to, your daughter. The movie is 87 minutes of him naming his kid. And they're going through names and they end up with the name they got.

Oh my god. Grok made a new letter. I'm gonna name our kid. And it's scored and written by Grok. That's right. Oh my God. You see Grok saying the unword now? No. Wasn't Grok talking about Mecca Hitler? Who gave him the card?

The pass? I don't think Grok has the past. Is Grok black? I guess Grok is gold by the everything app is black, but in color literally. Right. I would think no. I would think you have to be coded. who codes you

Yeah, if a black man If a black person codes Glock I guess we don't know who coded Grock Right wasn't Elon I don't think Elon would hire a black person Wasn't it the 16 year old A kid that he hired? Is it?

I thought he hired some 16 year old Whiz kid For the department of government Excellent Oh I thought he did X I thought he was on X No I don't think so But so GROC said the N word

Now we're canceling Groc Mom GROC said the N word What was the computer, dear? We should make an AI. Okay. I've had this idea for a while. AI didn't.

It's a bot that talks like Aiden and you can ask him questions and sometimes he doesn't hear you. And you have to pay more coins. It would be fun if AI didn't answer every time. Like sometimes it's just like, sorry, I wasn't really listening. Can you say it again?

I was busy. It doesn't respond to like four hours later. I was playing Counterstrike Bandiguing. Yeah, I was being a robot. Yeah, I should get. AI should be busy sometimes, like answering someone else's question. And it should be like, I'm busy right now. It would reciprocate the human experience more.

I think, actually, this is a really good idea. We, for like, when we do the website for merch and stuff, and we have, like, we have a customer support chat bot, and it's the AI did. Yeah. And we, like, train it to be like Aiden. That'd be really fun. This was, an ethical use of it. This was a literal idea we had.

It was exactly this. Why do we leave the ideas in the cutting room for it? The idea originally was we have a merch drop where there's an AI, and it says like new AI shopper tool and you can click on it and then a picture of Aden and only his boxers pops up and he helps you shop and then you can drag clothes onto his body. He'll be like, wow, that'll look awesome. What about that one? That was the original idea. We didn't do it. I couldn't find anyone to make it. It's Doug's right there. I don't think of this. Every year we do it, we do a brush shop and I go, can we do Aiden?

that everyone's like yeah and then it never happened but I'm like I guess I gotta make it we just need to do it but it's not AI because I think it'd be easier well it's not actually AI it's not actually AI it would just be

it would actually be me manually answering messages yeah because that's way easier because it's actually probably harder to it would just have like 50 messages it can say yeah so it's it's funnier because it's clearly not it's like the earlier version

of this whole idea it works because of his name but some people get the actual me some people get the real me Some people get the real you, and you're actually, like, live 24-7 behind a green screen, putting clothes on. Yeah. And you can jailbreak it, like, those TikToks. You've seen those where the guys jailbreak AI?

Oh, yeah, yeah, he makes a hallucinate and throw up as shit. They, like, talk to it in a very specific way, and then it can, like, teach them how to make, like, really hard drugs. It's not supposed to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or it's, like, terminated, like, user terminated. It goes from saying, like, dude, that's such an awesome idea. You're really awesome. I'll be your therapist forever.

And then, I'm worthless, worthless, worthless, worthless. I am bored cyborg. It's so awesome. That's cool. Aidan, do me a favor. Close your eyes. Imagine having your week of meals, everything that you eat, already decided for you with personalized options.

And I want you to make sure your hat is pointing forward when I tell you. You can't. Why does it need to point forward? It's just important for me to say focused. Imagine all of your meals for this week were chosen for you, predetermined. Yeah. Yep. High quality, nutritious food options.

Personalized. They're also personalized. And with your recommendations and there's over 15,000 recipes. How's that sound? Sounds great. This all can be provided to you by Hungry Route today's sponsor.

By who? Hungry route. Hungry root is today's sponsor. And one of the things I want to say is hungry can save you time, Aiden. Do you realize that? Save you time. You can save you time

by not having to plan your meals every week. You don't have a lot of time left on this earth. So why not save someone? of it. Yeah, you don't have a lot of time left on the service. We know that for sure. Are you crying? Is there a health? It's just very moving to you. Is there a health goal you're working towards? Because, oh, it's weight loss, right? And building muscle.

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I'm going to get your free item. Bye-bye. That's soon. What did you do in great glorious Nippon? I'm sure you want to talk about it. What I do in China last week? He was actually being hella racist. Yeah, true.

He was going around talking to people in Chinese. I was not doing that. He was going around a Japanese netseseus and he was saying, Woh de Baba. And by the way, tensions are real high between the two. I was not telling you, I was not saying, what Chinese were you saying? What Chinese were you saying? What Chinese were you saying? Niemann should ramen. I wasn't saying this. I wasn't saying this to Japanese people. I wasn't saying this. You know what? You guys learning Chinese has been pretty funny. That's good for the show. I like that. I wasn't saying that. So what were you saying?

I was saying Boucher Boucher To Brandon Ah What does that mean He was speaking Chinese to Atriuk

What were you saying I was just doing I was That's the part I'm wondering You know You know when you go On a trip with Ludwig And he hasn't streamed

And he gets a little antsy And he has fun Being a little goofy guy Bouncing off the walls Maybe fucking with you A little bit Imagine that dynamic But it's me

Tortureate Aitraud Trioc the entire week. Oh my god, you're the Ludwig. Yeah. And I love that. I'm just making Brandon's life miserable. And one of the main ways I can do this is I just say things in Chinese to it. I'm not using Chinese to make your mouth miserable. I'll just, we'd just be hanging out and then I'd whisper something in Chinese to it. And he gets mad like there's a fly on his head. He's like, why are you doing this? We do it. It sounds like paradise. It sounds like paradise. Yeah. Yeah, and I had a great week. I had a phenomenal week. You said you hated Tokyo. Hmm? You say you don't fuck with Japan no more. Yeah, I'm on my fuck Japan shit right now.

Why is that? Why do you go to? Way to follow my lead. Because I'm sick of the goddamn, I'm sick of the goddamn rules and I'm sick of the fucking, this Japan. What is it? I'm sick of it. I went to the pool. I want to go to the pool in the hotel. And I just, normally you just get in the pool, right? And I angle. And the guy at the working the pool deck stops me and then says, we have to go over the rules together. Okay. And then he brings out a whole sheet and we have to read off the rules one by one of the pool. And then in order to swim in the pool,

you need a swimming cap and goggles and he has to assign me to a lane. And the, oh, it's like a lane to pool? Like, like you would, that you do lapsing? Oh, so you wanted to work out swim. Well, one part of it isn't a lane. So I just wanted to get in that part of the pool. Yeah, I want the casual, all the friendlies.

I want it in the ball pit section. And he, and he's going through the rules. He's like, you need to wear the swim cap, you need the goggles, you need to suck me off later. And then just make sure... You also don't have tattoos, so they were probably very... Peanut butter saw. I don't think tattoos matter in a pool. Tattoes matter on your skin, a lot of it.

Well, it depends how recently you got them, because if it's recent, you can't go in the pool. And what do you do? And then other shit, like, like, like, little things like all of the you know we have to like put stamps on all the paperwork when we like check into the hotel and like it has a sign that says you can tap your credit card

but when I go to tap my credit card to pay they get they're like no no no no no no so you hate Japan now? That's the conclusion I think no I'm just I'm over it I'm over it because everybody talks about how fucking goaded Japan is I've never had this experience and I had this realization I had this realization on this trip

everything that people like about Japan is just shit that you can go to other cities for too that don't have all the weird baggage they don't they have a lot I think Japan has a lot of structural baggage you're I mean you're well traveled so I'll take your word for it and Japan's still amazing it's like I love it and if I'm in China and I open my phone to look at a YouTube short

and it's not there I'm gonna fucking kill myself and I'm gonna take one person it won't be there it will be there it will be I promise you it won't be there Your phone has an automatic VPN. They don't care about you. Checking YouTube. Margie de. Okay.

So you go to Japan. What you hate is bureaucracy. Yes. So you truly are an American. It's fucking... There's a lot of bureaucracy in Japan. I was just... I had the realization that I've been to Japan enough times that I can now zone in on the things that I don't like about it.

Well, let me ask you a question. You get on an escalator in Japan. Yeah. And those on the right side are standing and those in the left side are walking. Do you like it? They stand on the left. Either way... What do you know I'm saying?

Yeah. Do you like that rule? That social rule? Wait, the standing aspect or the specifics about the sides? I think he's talking about the construct that people follow the social... The people are following a social rule

Oh, that's amazing. For the betterment of everyone else. And one of American, my biggest pet peeves with Americans is that they have no escalator etiquette. What if right before you got on the escalator, there's a man to be like, this is the side you stand on and is a paper and this is the side that you walk on.

Would you hate it now? Because a man told you to do it? No, because if he was a great question, If he was doing that, it would be a little funny in a country where everybody is clearly doing and following that rule correctly already. But ultimately, that wastes no time. What if you had gone to Japan knowing that when you go in pools, you're supposed to wear a cap and stay in a lane? I don't even think that's, that's, like, are you mad because the Japanese people want you to follow their customs? That's what I'm asking.

That's what I'm asking. You want to go naked in the pool with your dirty asshole and put your water ass everywhere. You want to put your butt on the, you want to put your head. asshole and you want to say, oh, white American goes to Japan and wants it to be done his way. The pool jet's filling me up. I can feel it. I think it's important to be respectful. This is one thing that I don't like is when I go on trips to Japan with people and nobody will be named. But when they're not very cognizant of the amount of space they take up on the sidewalk. What a piece of shit, cocksucker. And maybe the volume that they speak at. Just the most annoying fucking raucous American piece of shit. He doesn't, he does American folk. pause. Like, he's socially inept everywhere. Yeah, that's why I think we should cut his head off with a sword in any country. What? But I mean that.

I think being, being respectful, being respectful genuinely is important. It was just I, and, and Obama, what is what is what you doing? Brave, no, no, that's fucking great. Being respectful is important. And the rules should be respected.

I think he's, he's, so the fun, I'm a rule follower. I just, I'd gone enough times that I'm like, oh, this is, like, I want to complain about it this time. I think the escalator thing's lame, to be honest. And also, also I have one more, I have one more bitch. Oh. One more bitch.

Okay. Dude, in a rule. What's up with zipper three? In a society. Oh, give me a beat, boys. That's fine. You take that back. I said sorry.

He doesn't have to. I quickly. That's crazy. I quit. You're a bitch, sorry. That bitch? Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry, what are you going to say? Go ahead. You with a bitch. In a place that has so many rules, and I think maybe what's kind of annoying is like the fake jobs that come with them. It's like the guy that stands outside of the construction site and just stands there all day. Dude, there's like, what is it? Like 75% boys to girls there. We got to have some bullshit jobs. Is that it? No, how would that? What's the boys to babes rash? How would that even happen? I thought that was why they had such a male loneliness epidemic. I think we're mixing up. They just have a loneliness epidemic because nobody's getting married and not. No one's having sex. We're offensively mixing up China in Japan again. Is China that has that problem? China has significantly more men than women overall.

The single one. For one, war zone's gonna be popping. We're gonna be great in China. Oh, war zone will be... The servers are full, baby. We gotta have a pool worker seven. We gotta have random jobs if there's that many dudes. I think there's also something...

A different country. In China too. I don't care where. Wait, are you saying that women don't work? I think he's saying women don't work, and he's saying China and Japan, same thing. Explaining the rules of the pool, that's a dude's job. That's a boy's job. Do you think that's a boy's job?

Explaining the rules of the pool? Women can't be, women can't be explaining the rules of the pool? That's true. Well, she's probably explaining her beauty to someone. Yeah. Being paid full time for it somewhere. There was, when we went on like the Hokkaido trip and we were going a bunch of Rio Cants and we were like in the bathhouses, there was one day we were in the locker room.

there's a bunch of naked guys in the locker room and then the person cleaning the locker room was just an old Japanese woman and I was like, oh, that's ball. Yeah, it is ball. Above a certain age is fine. Yeah, it's just like, I've seen enough. Yes.

She can't be 30 years old in cleaning it when the bunch of people have their penises out. I think that comes with a great amount of experience and wisdom. And I would appreciate... You're imposing the ceiling on women. Yes, that's what I'm saying. Well, no, it's more like a high floor. It's a high floor.

It's a skill set. It's my comfort. 100% I hate about Japan is that when you go order a coffee and you get like a non-dairy milk they hand you a card

that says I'm I ordered non-dairy milk everyone really yeah and then you got it at the end you gotta give it back I think this is deserved it's so they don't

accidentally mix it up because there is such a much larger version of dairy and when you leave they give you a they don't want to make them a steak they give you a non-dairy binkie it's the Starbucks cup with the binkie on top

that's the that's the way you drink it from Nick would have Nick would have his own like Ridge wallet like personal one he's like no I got I yeah I'll give this guy I think I told it sort of where I was playing poker at the bike

like years ago and this guy it's like the one three table like it's the riff raft table and this guy's like all in for $100 in white chips so just this massive like stack and he stands up and takes out his wallet and pulls out the all in chip that the dealers use to throw onto the table

oh my god he halted it was so sick bro and then he wins the hand and he's like give me that back. The dealer was like, sure, yeah, it's yours. That is so fucking weird. But you'd be like that. And by the way, I'm at 200 now. Yeah. I think if you lose there, the dealer gets to keep it. 100%. I tried to steal one once. Oh my God, it was crazy. The first time I've ever tried to kite something at the poker table, which is bad because it's usually stealing money, which I've never done. I tried to kite the damn

all-in chip and someone ratted on me. I've never heard kite as thieving. Yeah, it's like, you know, quietly. It's usually what you do to zombies. You do it to zombies and you do To do it to mid-laners. Yeah, and sometimes you accidentally do it to Atacon for the other team. Yeah, and he shoots the balls at you. But then someone narked on me. And then the dealer left and she's like, give it back. Like this happens a lot.

I'm like, okay, fuck. I can't, that's such a narc. It was crazy. Was it poker or Blackjack? What did it? Poker. Blackjack, they would cut my hands off right away. Who stole?

Someone stole the envy chip for me at Blackjack. It was very sweet. I like that. I don't know where it went though. You can also just get them in the poker case. Yeah, yeah, but I want the one. I want the played one. The plate of one, the plate of one, that's nice.

It's a nice thief. But I'm saying maybe they didn't steal it. And they got it from the little metal case with the chips. It was, oh, it's possible. Yeah, but it was, it was dirty. It was like clearly table played. Okay. Yeah, it was like, it was like fact, not fact, new.

It was a field tested. Field tested. Yeah, I've been wanting to go to Vegas pretty bad. That's been on my mind recently. We're going this weekend. You're going? Yeah, for the thing. I'm doing a one day.

If you want to go. I do a one day. Dude, I was, I was asleep on the couch in the office, listening to Kelby, broker this deal with Ludwig. talking about him doing something, and I'm like, maybe I shouldn't hear this. Maybe I shouldn't be asleep on the couch in the office right now. Why? Well, because it was personal details, though we.

Well, I'm just going to an F1 race. There's an F1 race. I have to do a shoot there, so I'm going for a one day. He's going for a one day. And anyway. And I'm throwing it down. Yep. Dude, can you do a show at The Sphere?

Yeah, I can. Anything you want. Yay. The Yard D&D Live. At the sphere? 18,000 people at the sphere. Well, they sold out Madison Square Garden. It was more seats.

And we have gaping plot holes just right on the big sphere that everyone can look at. Yeah. We have no plow holes. We have a lot of plow holes. We have the last episode, we'd a lot.

We got yelled at, and we have to, it's up to Dave to solve the plot holes. What are the plow holes? Oh, we can't spoil. We can't spoil. But there's some spoilers. Oh, it's a fucking spoiler.

It's a fucking spoiler. It's a spoiler. I haven't seen Severin season two. Oh my god. He busts down hellie. Shit, bro. I guess you have seen it. Oh, I just guessed. No, you didn't. You just guessed. Slapsed your titties around and shit. That's... Obviously, see it. Otherwise, you wouldn't have referenced. No, no, because if it, of course he does.

Do you, if does Mark S when he goes home and he smells titty on his breath? Does he start to get suspicious? Just opening his mouth at the top of the elevator, just breast milk falls out of his mouth. One of the flashed. he gets while he's going in the elevator. It's just a breast in his mouth. He's like, wait, what was that? Mark asked to go to the top of the elevator and just having so much peanut butter on his balls. And he's rock. Getting home and you smell like peanut butter, you're rock solid. It's not having to work today.

So fuck it happened. Adam Scott's scary. He's like, I got titty on my breath. He's all tortured and dark and stormy. My teeth. Severance, man. What a phenomenon. There's actually a, that's actually a, that's actually a actually a line from G.A. 4 that I remember to this day. Roman, Niko's cousin, who always calls you to go bowling, he says, the way I want to die is, like, in bed with titty on my breath. And I was like, that's good writing. I'm 17. I wouldn't want to die like that. Why not? Um, Titi on your breath? When I, when I'm dying, no. Oh, you want to die in some dumb way. You want to, like, save a baby from falling in the grocery store and then get shot. No, I want to die. I want to, like. He wants to die on his vesper, bro.

God, who's, who's it? There's like a famous author. He was about to die, and he just left. He was like 80. He just got up and left. He's like, I'm going to go die. And he just disappeared. And then he, he was like weak and frail.

So like a random couple took him in and then just housed him for a couple months. And then he died. As he died. Yeah. So I would do that. Where's the nobility in that? I would go to Al-Mori, Japan. When he said he left?

Like, who did he leave? Like his wife and children. So you want to do that? Yeah. I would leave my, my wife and my children and my grandchildren. And I would say I have to go die. It's time to die. I don't care. I no longer...

And I would say, I don't want you to worry about me and I'd go to Alaska. That's kind of baller. You should die frozen somewhere. Like a Scooby-Doo of the caveman. And then maybe we try to unfollow you and it's like now he's dead. And the third generation of outdoor boys find me. Yeah. Oh God. And they're just like saying Mormon hymns while they're like chiseling your finger off.

And we got to put you in a museum and it's like this is what YouTubers used to look like. Used to look like. Because they're all AI now. Yeah, they're all bots now. We all watch V-tubers. We watch AI tubers. You pick your grok and your number. Do you think that's the future we're headed to?

What, AI? AI creators that we actually watch. People don't like that shit. Well, no, they love it. No, no, no. Some people like it. People like, I think people like slop in a way, but they don't like the idea of some, am I wrong?

Do you know Neurosama? What's Neurosama? Neurosama is a project that's ongoing. It's an AI v-tuber. Oh, no. Made by a creator name, a Vidal. It's been, but it's like, when I say ongoing, like, I think this is like seven... I just hear a huge sigh from Aiden.

I think it's like seven years old or something. Oh. It's beloved. It's kind of like Hatsuneriku, right? Is it, like, is it like innocently seven? Like, is this a weird thing? Uh, no, I don't think it's like sexualized as far as I know. The V-Tuber, that's seven years.

Why do they have to make a seven? No, no, no. Like, it's been going for seven years. Oh. I mean, that could clearly be a seven-year-old. To be fair, that looks like a seven-year-old. I'm with you on that. Wait, why is there a band-aid on her knee?

She's, fall? I guess she scraped her knee in the AI-H-Kid, Nick. Well, this freaks me out. Right, right. This is like the- This is AI. Okay. But I'm saying it's liked.

And people like it? People like it. Who are the fans? Are they young? Um, no. I need a young fan. I don't know. I probably should tell.

Don't like that. Don't like that. We'll accept any age fans. Well, I guess this. We don't interact with you directly all the time though So people are fucking with it It's on Twitch

People are fucking with it It's on Twitch So it's all AI This I read a crazy article While I was gone You hold of your phone Like my mom Called the Goon Squad

Is published by Harper's Magazine And by this guy named Daniel Colitz And he does like a deep dive In Discord Gooning communities And like

To explain it to The Layman Who reads Harpers, though? This is like literature like nerds. That's a funny thing to post it in Harper's because it's like... This should be the yards

slogan. Loneliness, porn's next frontier, and the dream of endless masturbation. We should have it under every episode. And it's crazy because if you read through this article, you realize that the goon commander is not a...

guy is real. That guy's just a real guy. Well, there's several commanders. It's like the army. Like, you have your generals and your colonels and he is, the goon commander is just one commander. But they have names like that. Really? Yeah, and all of the stereotypes that we drew up during the goon commander bit

just exist in real people in this article. Oh, right. So I had this. Yeah, Alex was telling me about this because he brought the goonicide and I remembered that. Yeah. Oh, the gunicide's huge. Yeah. Because that, yeah, that guy. Oh, he was the goonerl. The goonerle. The goonicide's funny because now people are taking the video of him pulling up to that drive-thru, reversing it, and it's

Charlie Kirk instead. The gooneral is a funeral. Dude. But the goon or goons to reach the goons state. Anyway, this article is, it's long. It's a good, but very sad read. And I was wrestling with these feelings of, this is really funny because this is the joke we made up on the show, crossed over with, oh my God, this is real people suffering.

Aiden, you fool. You imbecile We didn't draw anything up I've known about all this Well I feel like the goon commander was born from a like a voice Yeah was he not oh 100% yeah I don't know I'm just say I'm just talking some bullshit The depth the depth that this goes it was a the longer I read the more the more sad I got I mean it makes me it makes me mad was I a

Hentai wank battler? Who makes you mad? Weirdly a regular wank battler. What's a wank battler? I think it's depressed. I feel like it's the same issue that I have with video games nowadays where like a game comes out

and everyone's already so good and there's no like innocence to it and now people have gotten so good at jerking off. Picture this. You work for a masturbation factory in hell. That's a great line. This guy's a, I mean, he's a heart, he writes and then he got published

in Hartburg. It's really well. It's really well written. This is what you come for. You come for the pros. Yeah, it's an amazing, it's an amazing read. Fat, juicy, cellulite wobble meat. Wobble meat?

I have to read this. Hand pumpers and pump sluts. Okay, I thought, this is interesting. Never mind, he's millennial voice. What is the, what is a, what is a, what is a, what is a, what is a bodrillard? A bodriard. Boadriard. That's like a name.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. I didn't even see it. Post 9-11 Bodriard. It's like a, like a, like a, like a, like a formal name. Oh. You think they've ruined jerky. off? Yeah, I think Drickenoff got too competitive.

They patched it. And it's like it's like booting up Black Op 7. People are too good instantly. Sliding around shit. Ever since they had a goon assist. That shit's whack now. That shit's whack. I think gooning's whacked now because they got too good. You can't even enjoy it passively.

Yeah. I think that's a good point. You know, that's actually, okay, you're making a bit of a joke, but there's like a thing like younger people are dealing with more like hardcore like sex stuff like they feel pressured to like be not like not just have normal sex like they gotta like be into

fucking hitting each other and shit yeah and there's actually there's like article I read it was like damn there's there's a pressure on people to be like you know more competitive with like fetishes and shit you should have a sexual rank

like you should be able to hit diamond yeah you know what I mean is this the Kamasutra no that'd be more More like the tutorials, like island. That's like drum rudiments. No, that was, that should have they were pros.

Well, yeah, the tutorial is the whole game. But there's no like system, like matchmaking. There's no rank. There's matchmaking of this. They have ghouls. No, I'm not kidding. They battle. There's tournaments.

No way. There's goon tournaments. Like monoffs or like how are they doing it? Yeah, like you have to. You have fill a jar for the fastest? It's weirdly, it's weirdly, the way it was described to the article, it's like weirdly honorable. Because the competition is you, you are like beaten on. with somebody else and then but you're sending material back and forth and if like you and if your

material is like you're it's like turn based it's turn based battling and you take turns sending each other better goon material and you the honor is that you have to judge it and and and fairly like you have to you have to be honest about like man this porn is better than mine it's like airsoft you have to raise your hand and say I was hit it is it's on some paintball shit we should do a you goon you lose there's like a small community that that's like their dream that they've been winning for four years for that to happen you get into like one you get into a call of like 85 people it just sounds like everyone's clapping to this crazy the author meets he meets this guy who's like 55 and is feels really bad for these young men who are addicted in in this

stuck in this like community right so his solution was he needs to ground it and like bring these people off of the internet you know like the typical like old guy kids are being too online too much on their screens so he created an in-person hotel meetup where we come and do it in person together and he like gets material to show on the tv in the hotel room and like make sure they're hydrated he brings water and snacks for them and then like he's like soccer mom and goo yeah he's like he's soccer modeling gooting. Gooting with an orange slice has teeth. Yeah.

Look. Goody with shade guards on. Yeah, yeah. Look, he arranged the loom station. Propped a fleshlight hole down on the kitchen. A hole down. Dude, this is crazy. So he's running the goon local.

He's like, we should do in this. We shouldn't let Slippy ruin the game. Yeah, yeah. We gotta be. Going in person is what keeps the game alive. Did it work? Did they all become friends and stop gooning? Yeah, but, well, no, they goon.

together in person. But they didn't stop gooning. His goal was to like make it more social, right? I mean, like everything, gooning is about community. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, grassroots. And that, you know, the gooning is just a vehicle

to achieve that community. So some people are building the grassroots community. I don't think they stop gooning online. I think they just go in person. And Tendium's also trying to shut this one down, which is weird. Dude, when I was, when I was younger, I was probably like 12 or something,

there was this, uh, this, so we had, they gave us like a month free of HBO. And back in the day, it was just like a number to channel. It was like channel five. And anyway, so there was a show on HBO called Real Sex, and it was like a documentary show about shit like that, like fetishes and just like people.

Anyway, I would love when that came on because it showed boobs all the time because it's on HBO. And one time I find it on and I click it on, and it's like it was just, it was an episode about a mutual masturbation group of very much the same thing so we've been doing this for decades and aeons

we just got better names and there was I turned it on and it's just I instantly am hit with this like 50 year old guy just beating off and I'm just like 12

and I'm like oh and just all these people watching him beat off and kind of like encourage him and painting oh my God I watched the whole thing

because it's like well maybe this gets better and there was this one lady that was so annoying. You could tell no one wanted her around while they were beating off or like doing their thing she was like trying to pinch their

nipples a bunch and being really loud oh my god. And I was like I was so young and I was like this person's fucking this vibe up and I recognize that. Fucking the vibe up at the mutual masturbation circle. Yeah it's like dude we thought you were a chill

but you just kind of fucking annoying. It would suck to like get invited to that and like you have 15 of your best homies who are ready to beat off in the hotel with you. And there's just one dude who kind of sucked. You didn't even respond to the part of full. So like it's weird you're here. You know?

Dude, Carlo making fucking puns as you're trying to as you're trying to nut onto a wall. You're like, dude, shut up. What if I was jorking off? Oh, by the way, I think I think the floor

I don't think I'm allowed to be on the floor anymore when my girlfriend's over. Whoa. The dream's dead. Yeah, break up with her. There was a spider on her head. On her head?

A spider crawled onto her head. I didn't see it. She saw it. We're watching Wolf of Wall Street. Did she scream? She literally, she's like laying down, she's kind of curled up and she just goes like one of those. Yeah. But like in 4X speed.

And I'm like, what's wrong? She's like, There's a spider. There's a spider on my head. There's a spider. I saw him. She said that she saw him crawl onto her cheek and like, like in the corner. Yeah, exactly. And I was like, instantly, I know that this means that we probably have to sit on the couch now or something. So I was like, that was not a spider. I wonder how many spiders have you tried to gas. I was like, there's probably no spider. Gaslighting to protect floor town. Like at all. And she was like, I swear to God. You're being crazy. And then she tried and she's like, I have to find it, right? because it's a spy and she hates spiders and I'm like

I mean you can try and so my god she finds it oh she found it and you're like that's probably a new spider you're like shoving the spider under your dirty cars yeah I eat it it was a spider was it big it was big enough to where it's on your

face and you don't want it to be on your face and uh and then we just I'm like do you want to sit on the couch she's like no it's fine and then I can just tell She's like looking out for spiders While the fucking Jonah Hill Has big weird fucking teeth And so yeah

So you moved it to the couch She It was funny because she was like I want to sleep in the bed tonight And I was like that's all right I want to sleep in the bed Your girlfriend getting mad at you And sleeping in the bed

Instead of next to the couch Which is normal It sucks It's because spiders crawl in me a lot And I don't care You tank it. Like, you know, what are they going to do? Hey, uh, today's episode sponsored by old classic, uh, Turtle Beach.

Yeah, actually, the first headset I ever had was a Turtle Beach head. I can't hear you guys. Um, today's episode is sponsored by Turtle Beach. By Turtle Beach. I had Turtle Beach X-Elevens as a kid. They're really like. It's a long trusted Brett. Can you hear me now? They really do.

They really do hug your. Jesus Christ. They hug your head really good. I can't. It's like. Hi. What? It's not just headsets anymore.

Lots of periparoles. Lots. They have 80 hours of battery life. Didn't you say that you use their fight stick? Jump in. Oh yeah, I use the leverless. The Victrix, I think it's the Pro-K-O leverless. And the Stealth 700, what you're wearing right now,

has the industry's first crossplay dual wireless transmitter system. You know about that? That means you can seamlessly switch between your console and PC with a click of a button. You click one button. I actually started that not knowing what it meant. knowing what it meant and ended thinking that's actually kind of sick. Yeah, that's kind of awesome. Which is cool.

I think the better part, probably the 80-hour battery life, because you, the disgusting gamer at home who refuses to plug or charge in his devices ever. And we smell you. Well, you'll barely have to do it because it has 80 hours of life. It sounds like SpongeBob walking when I do this. The best part is that he can't hear us. And I just want to take this time to say, fuck slime. Fuck slime.

He can't hear of what we're saying. This is so crazy. So if you want to get the Turtle Beach Stell 700, you can get the ultimate immersive gaming experience with it today. For a limited time only head to Turtle Beach.com and use Code the Yard for 10% off your entire order. I don't think I ever want to hang out with him again after this. Yeah, honestly, when he does the Jamaican accent, I find it racist.

Yeah, we're almost back. Don't delay getting the perfect gift for a gamer in your life or maybe your son that has trouble communicating. That's 10% off your order at Turtle Beach.com with promo code the yard. And he uses toilet paper to wipe his ass instead of... Or excuse me, paper. Oh, dude, this is crazy. Can't hear anything in there, huh?

You can. It's just only gaming. Yeah, we're saying good thing. Put him back on, kiddo. Okay. Back to the episode. We have a mouse infestation here. No?

Sure? We fixed it. Yeah. Nope. No. What do you mean? No. This morning?

There were two this morning. Two? That's fucking crazy because we caught three. Yeah, we've caught eight so far. Who's made? Who's managing this, Christian? Christian. Wait, we've caught eight.

Eight mice have been caught, and he's not killing him. He's humanely catching them and releasing them. Now, I'll say... The movement's co-founded by me. He's releasing them out front. I think they're running back in Well It's very likely to say

We got a brand We got a brand of mice We've actually just We gotta get a little Two mice We got to tell you I don't think they're coming back A paper clip and we gotta get

Yeah tell us why they're not coming back Do you forget what else is out front The cats A whole litter Wouldn't that mean they're more like Yes they're running from the cats They want to hide from the cats We're the whole

You think Tom's losing every time We're Tom's house You think Jerry's getting away Every time We're Jerry's house. If Christian is literally walking out front to let the mouse out, the mouse is just turning around and running back to the building. Yes.

Yeah. If Christian is doing that, I'm going to make fun of him because it's crazy. It's a hilarious. First off, you guys are not helping the problem. The mice are like, hey,

this is a little green box we go to and get food. And then we go outside and we just run back in for more food. Let's keep going in the green box. Sometimes a man, sometimes a bigger mouse takes us and puts us outside. Maybe, look, I bought the humane ones, the catch and release ones, maybe it's time we up the stakes.

No. And we get the ones that poison them. What do we do? What are we in humane mousetraps? We poison millions of mice every day test and shit. Let's kill it. No, we don't. We do. We do. No, we don't. You use, we use drugs and food and chemicals all the time. Damn, but we don't. We don't. You know something that fucked me up that I know there's these traps that are just basically glue squares, then you put a food on there and the mouse crawls and it gets stuck endlessly. It cannot get its foot off, but it's like, it's humane because they're living. Dude, my mom was like, we caught a mouse, you got to throw it away. And I'm like, okay, and it was a little baby mouse. And it's just mousing at me. It's squeaking because it can't get off the thing. And I just put it in the trash can and then never think about it again.

And she made me do that. And here's a lot. You thought about it. I'm to this. If that was 20 years ago. I'm like, this is what I'm talking about. Little trash? Yeah, but he can't go anywhere.

No, he can't go anywhere, bro. You can, like, endlessly eat around him until it's a circle that you can't reach anymore. I would hope he got fat and lived a long mouse life immobile. Yeah, but he did. Like a guy in a wheelchair died. He probably died, y'all. He wasn't like the end of Wally.

Just in a fucking mouse wheelchair, eating good. So what's the plan that if you're the mouse master? We just release them further away. Yeah, we drive them to, we drive them to, we drive them to, we drive them to Braya. Because it. We drop them off. Because we don't need that on our hand You can't be a mouse here

What do you mean grow up Oh what a big man He kills a small mouse What a brave guy Who eats A5 Wagyu Talking about free in the mice Watch how about every time you eat a burger You watch a cow get slaughtered

Hold up now the difference is That animal is killed And then its body is used This mouse is just killed Because we didn't like it where it was Fuck let's eat the mice Who gives you shit? That would be fine

Let's cook them Okay but have you You would fight Don't fuck with Tess is gunster, bro. You don't eat a mouse. I don't care about it. If he does this, I have no problem. If he kills a mouse and then eat to be it to eat every single mouse you kill.

It's probably pretty good. Such a weird thing to stand on. Wait, how is this a weird thing to stand? I think if you kill something, it should be for use. Like, eel sauce? There are pests. Pests are real.

The deer are pests. That's why we issue hunting licenses to call the population. Okay. Do you think that's wrong? I think if you were to just shoot the deer and then fucking walk away, yeah. I think you should use it. Because it gets. eaten by bolters and chew me.

Use the venison. But with the vultures eat it. Use the beautiful meat. And rats eat it. What about invasive species? What about invasive? Yeah, so there are animals that if you find and it's endangered or trapped or whatever, you're supposed to kill them. Not indicted. Like a lot

of birds. Could you do that? Could you snap a bird's neck? I don't think so. See, there's the thing. So you're just a bleeding heart and that's beautiful? I don't think I could snap a bird's neck just because and I don't think you guys could. I could do it. I'd be sad all day.

I don't think you could. I don't think you could. If I can't do it. I might even twist it first. If I can't do what the fucking thousands of years of humanity did before me, then I should be ashamed. Then woke one. What's the value of killing the mouse?

What? In this case? Yeah. In this case, it's making sure they don't come back into the office. It's insane that we're releasing them where they came from. Yeah. That's just Christian's problem. This is just instinct.

I'll leave some credit. We can try really. releasing them further away. But if we go four weeks of the mouse problem continuing with the further away approach, we circle. We should find where they're coming in.

That's where we should, we should hire someone. Thank you. You find out of coming in. What do you think hiring someone meet? What would have? No, an expert. I mean like a mouse expert.

Yeah, like a Sherlock Holmesie. A mouse detective. A great mouse detective. Yes. Not an exterminator. We're hiring a Navy seal. I love the great mouse detective. You know that one?

You know Bob. Yes. Well, guys, you're fucking this up. We just have to get a cat. We have seven. We can just start letting the cats in, bro. The cats outside. We need a mogul moves compound cat.

You know, I genuinely thought about this, but I don't think we could take care of a cat. Christian could be able to take care of them. I don't think it should be Christian's responsibility. We should just let the neighborhood cats in. Wait, wait. Go up, go up. This is what Christian tried already ate it and it failed. The bottom middle one?

It used to come in sometimes, you know that? A little more down. Aiden and Yingling. How about a CS2 game? Wait, that should be our Steve PFP. That's uncanny. Dude, I was why, Yingling looks, he gives, he's giving Jonah Hill and Wolfel Wall Street these days.

Dude, the guy who just watched Wolfel Wall Street, it's like, Jesus, man. These days, yeah. I know, I don't know. Uh, yeah, I'm against killing the mice, man. Well, what if a cat kills the mice? That's fine. So, you're such a pathetic pussy. Wait, wait, wait, so why is it fine?

Because it's like, because the cat makes use to the mouse. Murder is fine when I, murder is fine when I pay a hit man. No, no, no, because the cat would eat the mouse. That's the point. What is this? Utilitarian. What is this, what is this fucking every part of the Buffalo?

Yes. Shit, you're bringing to a mice. This is so weird. This is, this is, this is, I feel like this is a great prince. They're mice. Well, let me ask you... Oh, so life doesn't matter because it's mouse.

Let me ask you a question. Because this mouse doesn't matter. Let me ask you a question. What do you find? Oh, so do you kill dolphin? Dolphin? I don't think you maintain... I don't think you maintain this principle

through the rest of your... This is an unattainable principle. I do maintain it. I don't kill any insects in my room. I always release them. I don't kill any bugs. I don't kill bugs. I guess I did feel bad.

It's like I had that passing thought that one time we had the tarantula on the driveway in the old house. And I was like, man, I can't kill this one. But you want to twist mouse neck? Hmm? Yeah, I think tarantula is more precious than a mouse. Would you, would you shoot?

Would you shoot a, would you shoot a, would you shoot a dog in the head? Yeah, you would. Yeah, yeah, I'm in, like, I'm in Chernobyl and I got to get the job done. And I'm like rushing to sign up for that job. I'll do it. I hear you guys need Doug Shootter. I'll do it. I kill dog.

Chernobyl was 50 years ago. There's no irradiated dogs anymore. I only use dogs for two things. To kill and to lick my bull. In that order. Well, okay, we either get a cat or we put Christian in a cat costume and he gets to work. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. I like that. I already have a solution in place. What is your fucking... We already said it. I released them further. Yeah, go ahead. All right. Whatever. Are you going to do it? No, God, no. He's going to make Christian do it. Two to three miles away? that's so far they earn it if they come back

we're bringing these mice all the way to Bakersfield and they're definitely coming back there's gotta be some a mouse detective you can hire on like task rabbit detective that's something like Caleb Pitts would know where to find yeah he's probably done an episode

he'd be like my grandpa actually a mouse detective I'll talk to him well yeah he burned down his acreage and became a mouse detective yeah we find a mouse detective who knows how to speak their language and find their holes. Their little black holes in the wall.

Well, it's because he was raised by mice. Well, he had a mouse O'Pair. And it was kind of a sad situation because His dad would cheat on his mom. Outside, I think. No, like, what's their entry point? They're small, bro. They're probably like their cracks

in between the door. Where do spiders come from? They were everywhere. You know, here's the thing. We're going to figure it out. And by the way, I've killed. animal. But I use every part of the bone. What animal do you kill? The fish. You kill a fish. I've killed

many fish. And he went, yep. That's, well, it's not really how you kill me. Do you say a little like Shinto prayer? Yeah, I do Shinto prayer. Every time before you do. Yeah, every time. Wow. I go, I go

Hotsundas! And then I do and then I do down, circle back and then heavy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the empowered fireball. Right. Kuma does. Right. Yeah, I, uh, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't do any of that

stuff. Freaks me out. No. Killing, so what's the biggest animal you'd kill? I'd kill. I'd kill You killed a cow. You killed an animal. Yeah, personally with your hands. You've killed an animal. What's the context? What's the, I'm sure you killed like an ant. Just as a, as a man on this earth, what's the biggest animal you've killed? You would kill. I'm not saying, I'm asking, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, would. Yeah, what's the biggest animal you would kill? I would kill. And we're including insects. Yes. I mean, that. I mean, that. I mean, that. I mean, That would be a small one, but yeah. Biggest animal I kill.

Man, I guess it would be like a really small, like a goldfish. Like, sure. Just, like a beta fish, you don't do it. Nick with the fucking goldfish, like, fucking. It's like, plugging its nose. Like, shh, it's over. It's over. I don't, I can't do it.

I mean, I guess, I guess maybe I'd kill a, okay, if a, if a spider the size of my girlfriend was running at me. Uh-huh. A rattlesnakes coming at you Oh no, no, oh, that's good, it's self-defense I think, yeah, but that's like I think we would do anything, right? I would kill a lion if I could win the fight. I'd kill a man.

Well, no, because I don't think you could. No, but you're not asking if I could, you're saying wood. What the fuck? What? It's self-defense. If you went crazy, it's like porno rage. If you went crazy with porn or rage and you started just,

and you're coming at me, you got all red and strong. I'm covered in crime. K Y. Peanut Butter. Yeah. You got it. Okay. Ludwig's in the office and something clicks in his head.

He goes crazy, porno rage. He gets all red, and he comes at me with a boner naked. And he's just fucking screaming at me. He's ready to kill me. I have to kill him.

I have to kill him. The danger. The most dangerous animal. I don't know if you can. You grab him by the boner? And that kills me. That's my good source of power. It's like weapons.

He deflates back into who he was before. Yeah. So your biggest is a man. Yeah, I mean, but it's self-defense. Now, in the context of, let's say we had to do it for a challenge on a Mr. Beast Saudi Arabia video. Yeah. Right?

It's the Mr. Beast's Land, Riyadh challenge. And whoever comes back with the biggest animal goes to the next round. Yeah. You have to, yeah, you have to kill an animal. You have to hand-killing animal and bring it to Beasland. Yeah. And you have to bring him to Mriad and wear the gown. Yeah.

And so I think I would kill anything less than a man. A man or less? Oh, well, for that challenge, you're not killing a man. Well, if the man, well, if they're one of the slaves, then I even kill a slave. So you're coming back to be slave with a human and you're going, it was in self-defense, but you're using it for a challenge for money? No, it wasn't in self-defense. Oh, in this case, you just killed a man.

Yeah, it was for the, you know. So you were in a sport. You would just kill a man. No, no, no, I'm saying, okay. You kill man for money. For me. I'm saying beneath a man, anything that's a man, no man beneath a man. So anything that's not like sentient the way that we can think, I'd probably.

kill an elephant, but I wouldn't be happy about it, because they're really smart. You would kill an elephant? No, man, beneath a man. That doesn't make any... I don't know what the fuck you said. I don't know what the fuck you said. The tears, it's man. Man, man is one.

And then anything beneath that. It's not size-based, it's intelligence-based. So you would kill any animal. So you would go a man-monkey dog. No, but no, because we're not... You're not the smart. There's some people... There's some animals on people.

Okay. No, I hate that. Yeah, we're the fucking smartest. No, there's some animals on par. They didn't build the fucking pyramid. No, but dolphins could be a smart. It's like orcas are really smart. They just don't have thumbs. They don't have fire. It's fire. Fire gives us steel, which gives us weapons, which is just a society. I just don't buy that. They're just stuck up in that water. That's all it is. I've never heard a podcast from an orca worth listening to. No, but it's because you can't spit like there. Why haven't they worked on that shit? They do work on that shit. We just don't understand. We don't have the right ears.

They don't even have castles, bro. You know when they, they can do the thing where if you're in the water with them, if they do their cry next to you, it bursts your eardrums. You couldn't listen to how fire the podcast was. Dude, the Nick Mullen of Wales. The Nick Mullen of Wales bursts your ear drums. So you would kill a capuchin monkey? Yeah, if it's for the, what I'm saying is I'm capable of doing that, even if I'll be really sad. You see the monkey, you'd fucking kill it.

It sucks so bad. Are we on Kud or would? You keep switching it up. Yeah, this doesn't mean. I'm saying would. We've lost the plot. You said could for me. We've lost the plot.

You made it a thing about, oh, you wouldn't physically be able to handle that animal. I'm saying wood. Okay. The context is... I'm saying wood includes could. So like... No, it just does... I'm saying, I'm saying like...

You're different. Because what if you have a shotgun? Because I could... I could kill an elephant if I had a gun. Sure, okay. But I would never. If I had infinite elephant killing power. I would never...

I would never... I'd have a dream right now and I could say whatever I want. I think, like, let's stop imagining a dream world. What is the largest... What is the largest animal? which is the largest animal that you would kill without self-defense

being the reason for killing the animal? That's the question I'm interested in answering. Now the question of what's the animal, a largest animal you could kill with maybe a tactical knife? Yeah, I don't care about that.

You don't care about that. Right. So yeah, then yeah, like stick by my answer and I'd be sad at most things. It ends at insects for me. I don't think there's anything outside of an insect

that I could kill. Like, actually. I would kill a cow for sure. Really? I would chop its head off. You know what I would draw the line at, the bonobo that learned Minecraft? I couldn't kill him.

I would kill the, what? That's the one animal you wouldn't kill? But the other bonobos who can't play Minecraft? I think they... So what do you have a line of bonobos and you're all fucking going up to the Minecraft station and you just have a, like, a cold 45? Boom!

Yeah. I think if I lived on a farm, like I had all my own farming, right? And I had cattle, and I had vegetable, and I would go vegan. and the animals will be pets The thing is I would

I feel like that's bad I'm imagining I feel like you should I'm imagining I know but I feel like you should be down to kill the animal that you eat We have to evolve past it

It's years after the monkey war And it's slimes at like The bonobo Nuremberg trial For like The mass amount of bonob Wait does it mean the monkeys won Yeah

And I'm like I'm on trial It's like Yeah I just fucking thought in The monkey judge Burst your ear The monkeys famously went over there's bonobo deniers become a real problem. You know he died? He died?

Yeah, he passed away. In Minecraft? No, in real life. He was an older bonobo, but he loved Minecraft. Can you water bucket trick? Uh, he doesn't know how to do that. Idiot. I know.

I know. We know sweetie. He's a great, great bonobo. He's actually better at Minecraft than me. His name's Tico. No, no, he's definitely not. I've never been in Minecraft. They're giving him everything in print.

Oh, no. I've never made it to the Ender Dragon without help. Just to be clear, they put him in the end. He got help. He didn't get to the end. Surely he's also only... That doesn't make it either. They're also doing a...

They're being fucking stupid. How would he have gotten to the end without playing to the game? He's in the end, right? I can see it. You can't spawn in the end. You can't spawn in the end. That's not what happened to... He just died again. What if he was just jacking off while playing?

Dude, that would... Man, killing this guy would suck so bad if I had to do it. You don't have to do it. have to kill him. But I have to for the Saudi Arabia challenge. The whole question is would you? I would implies like we don't kill for fun. We're not crazy. I'm not going to lie. What he's

tapping has nothing to do with his happy ones. Oh, actually does. I just watched it. Don't be a hater. I was for a second. You were you were really, I got put it on. I mean, genuinely the most interesting version of this question is what's like the largest animal that you could find in like your home that you would kill

instead of releasing. Yeah, probably like, just like, it's gonna say a five-year-old. And then it's like, why is a five-year-old in my house? How the hell are you getting here? Hitting it with a fucking electric racket? Trying to, trying to put him in the bug thing. Shooting him with the salt gun.

Do I act anything above a spider? I don't, I can't. Well, I guess I'll really fucked up bug. But anything that's not an insect, I would catch a release. I would for sure catch one of them tunas. Yeah, I'd get a fat tuna.

One of those huge, I can't fit. I can't fit. Three hundred pound tunas and... Why does it feel so chill to kill fish? Because they're idiots. It's not chill. It's not chill.

Because we've associated with a sport. Huh? Have you done it? Like, in general... Have I caught a fish in my life? Have you killed a fish? No, I haven't like gutted one. Yeah.

But I've watched it. But I don't think it's chill. My uncle made me do it when I was a little kid. It doesn't feel great still. Like, they do go from wiggling to not. Yeah, but that's, it's like, it's a fish. No, but, well, okay, I do think we have fish labeled as a subspecies. But why do I feel that way?

As, as man, because they live in the water, and we don't respect water as much as mammals. Not sure, we like dolphins. We respect, are dolphins mammals? Yeah, but they're water-based. But they're mammals. But they're mammals. The mammals is the argument. Yeah.

Sure. Okay, so is there a water-based animal that we respect like dolphins that aren't dolphins? I mean, all, like whales. Besides whales. but who are also mammals whales I think sharks are easy to kill for us there's a big shift on sharks

I think we're on the self-defense thing I think that's a self-defense thing I think we're gonna kill sharks because we're scared of them you're supposed to punch in the face that is true if you guys are at sea the shark is coming

I would just write it what's it gonna do I'm on its back yeah you couldn't hold on to the I'm gonna hold onto its body and what the fuck is it gonna do literally literally match up over

yeah I genuinely, I want to see you on a mechanical bowl. Because I think, I think, you want to see me shake an ass. I think four, 14 seconds. No, dude, are you fucking serious. 14 millennia, maybe. I, I, I, didn't we do this at the Mark Roberte party? Well, there was one there.

I don't think you went on to it. I didn't write it. You got no thigh power. It's not in my thighs. It's my power of will. I don't think, good power of will. Yeah, I think your glasses would get crooked. This is fucking me.

Shark riding, 1990. It's like, what is the shark fucking do? What did I do? What does he do? Dude, the shark is so sad. What the fuck does he do, bro? You swim straight down. Yeah, you can't breathe.

You take me to the black smokers the bottom of the ocean. It's like when they grab snakes behind the head and it's like that. That's such a good strad. Yeah. That is such a good strat. What do? Swim down? If you swam down, what the fuck would I do?

Yeah, you not think about that. Not at all. You die for sure. Oh, I do what I thought about it. Extra long scuba. Really long tube. And you just keep like, I don't like this. I just have an infinite clown scuba.

Eventually you have to come back up. Well, I get the bends. I think there's a, what's the max length on a scuba? Or not a, you're not even talking about a scuba. You're talking about like a tube. A tube. A tube of scuba would use. There's a max length for tuba, there are tubes to breathe air out of. Oh, yeah, because the, is the straw thing.

The pressure. Buster did it. You know what he does is the shark takes you down to the bottom. You pressurize instantly. You implode and you die. What if it takes me down, it turns into air again. and there's shark people. And there's a casino.

That would, yeah, I mean, and that's your... And I lived the rest of my life there. That's your prize for being brave enough to ride the shark. That's what happened to that man. We know less about the ocean than the observable universe. That's not true. It is true. Look it up. I...

I don't want to buy it. Look it up. Look it up. Look it up. Look it up! What do you want him to look up? What do we want him to look up? Oh, and a lookup, do we know more about the observable universe or our ocean?

What is the... They always say we explored... We know more about the ocean's physical geography than we do about space. Observable universe is not in space. But we know more about space in terms of observation and remote exploration. And would I say observable? While we have mapped more of the ocean floor at a low resolution, the vast majority of the ocean remains unexplored.

Yeah, but most of space is unexplored. No, our remote exploration of space through telescopes has allowed us to observe distant galaxies. Yeah, through telescopes. Observable universe, not out of space. You know why water... You know why the ocean destroys us so hard? We can't even get radio waves through it.

A submarine has to come up to the surface to get emails. We got to send Grok down there. Grog could fix the ocean. We got to say GROC down there. We say come back. Tell us what you found. We got to put a hot dog on a stick in the ocean. And maybe like a sketchers and like a journeys and like a game stop.

Dude, a journeys in the ocean. It's got the Carl Jacobs fucking co-eper fish. Yeah. We have a pair of those. Gangus Khan. Those are hot. Can you, Zipper, can you look up the Carl Jacobs' Journey's Collab shoes on eBay?

Are they lit? Are they lit? We had a pair in the office. I fuck with them. Are they for kid? No? No, they're for anyone with feet. Oh. All ages. Carl Jacob Journey's shoe. Okay. We're looking at 22 bucks. There it is.

God, that, look, all loved it to KJ. That is an ugly hoodie. Holy shit, that's a bad hoodie. No, dude. All love, though. Wait, which one's his shoe? That one? Yeah, it's the vans.

It's the vans club. Isn't that fucking tough, bro? What's the circle thing, the spiral? That's this logo, I think. It's the same thing on the hoodie. Dude, I want to rock these. Yeah, sure. What are those nines?

Can you look up circle jerk vans? I had these as a kid because there was a band called circle jerks, and my mom was like, do you know what that means? And I was like, yeah, and I didn't. I looked it up and I was like that's crazy I've been wearing these those ones no it's not it look up images circle jerk vans I wore these as a kid yuck okay sorry sorry isn't it crazy that they just said circle jerks on the side yeah that is crazy they're kind of cool though and it's crazy your mom let you cop them knowing what it meant this is very uh vans myself and bought them

this is very crew crew hoodie she didn't know I had them I was like I was like 12 I don't think I bought anything without telling my mom until I was 18. Do you mean getting it from your mom? Like, she bought it for you? Either she bought it for me. Even when I had a credit card, I got a credit card of 16. I think I told her about everything I bought. Was she paying it off? Is that why?

Why would you tell your mom that you bought something on a credit card? No, I would just tell her if I was buying something. Just in case it scares you? Just in case I wasn't allowed to have it, I guess. You get scared? Oh, you like rules. Yeah, I was very... I didn't swear until I was 13. That's why you liked your pants at. What's the first crazy thing You ever bought? Like you had money

Or like you became your teenager You have money and you're like I'm gonna buy something I'm not gonna I'm gonna come to my mom What's the craziest shit you first bought? It was like in college. It was beer Do you feel? Did you feel crazy? No because I got scared I didn't get the beer Condoms I felt crazy You feel like a man? I was so scared a fucking man Yeah, I mean I think I told on the pot by I would steal them for so long

Oh right cuz yeah because you were embarrassed Of buying them in front of the guy. That's why they trap them up now Yeah, now you gotta go through a whole rigmar roll because you were stealing condoms. Yeah. Sometimes boxers are locked up at the store. And it's like, I just want underwear. Do you really? They get locked up like that? Yeah.

I guess that it makes sense that like essentials are stolen a lot. Yeah. Yeah, my freshman year, I wanted to get beer and I gave this guy 40 bucks. And I said, can you go in there get beer? And he said, sure. He said, what beer? And I was like, yeah, whatever 40 bucks gets us. He walked him in their 40, walked back out, got in his car and drove away. He comes out with a slurpee with a sour straw. buys one beer apparently crazy prices are wild

he didn't even do that that would have been better we got nothing dude did you go to New York yeah it was in New York for like a day for 22 hours yeah 22

22 do you like this running gun lifestyle 22 I'm fast and loose do you live for this shit I'm fast and loose I fly by the seat of my own you gotta hate it I'm chill bro

you fucking live for this shit I'm chill bro here's the thing you fucking live for this shit boy okay I flew here's the You want a reality check, buddy? Okay. I took off before you got off Discord. And I slept more than you.

I wasn't on Discord. I was on fucking Balatro. You were in the call, then. I was on Discord? Oh, was I in the call? I think I just didn't leave it. Yeah. Because I was playing normals as shake.

And he doesn't like playing normals with me anymore, man. It sucks that I make him upset. What do you do to him? What happened? I just play Fiora Top Lane. I was watching Cudy. And it's hard. Cudy was having a bit of a depression stream

where she was like playing league really late and she was just like, I think I'm gonna chat. Should I just kill myself? Everyone's in chat like, no. Some people were saying yeah, which is crazy. She would like, she was CSing like three CS a minute. She's getting punted under her tower. Her team is like, they're opening up our opportunities

to like absolutely win the game. And she's just like, I can't even fight Mundo. Munoz just, she's just a tower. And then after the game, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, let me be your support. And she's like, I'm like, okay. And she's like, you want to play ranked? I'm like, how about a normal? And she's like, no, fuck that.

I'm not playing a fucking normal. And I'm like, all right, right, we'll play, we'll play, we'll play ranked. I silently pick Vex mid instead of playing Lux support. Dude. We won. You won? You won? You carried her?

No, no, no, no, she played great. Okay. She suited up for the game. I like that. Um, but, uh, it was. You say, it was a tough stream. That's funny. That's funny.

I was like, give me in. Maybe we win one. Yeah, we went to New York. I saw Schlat. Oh yeah? We got food. He's been an AFK, no, or am I just not paying attention? He's been a world traveler.

More disconnected these days. You go to his place? No, no, I was dead ass there for, I was in New York City for 22 hours, brought it. Then you realized Schlat has like four YouTube channels and he's active on all of them pretty much. Oh, yeah. It's just like, wow, I don't even see it. I've been following a Facebook. Schlat account on Instagram has 300,000 followers and it's fake verified and I just

thought it was like an alt Instagram and then I found out it was a fan account. That's crazy. And this is the second time it's happened to me. It's such a weird. Verified doesn't mean anything. It's a wild. No, you just pay 15 a month. Because we call it verified. Yeah, it doesn't mean anything at all. It just means that they have disposable income. It's verified that you bought something, I guess. Yep, the receipt. I guess the blue receipt. You're a real human maybe? No. You're not a a bot? No, a bot could buy it. Am I stupid for still being confused at the

level of like numbers and I don't know, like that Schlat got in general for being what I consider a pretty normal guy? Like, am I crazy? It seems out of place. Like, you look

at Schlat and you're like, that guy has like this fan base, like, he has people making 300,000 follower accounts on Instagram. I kind of get what you're saying. Like in this, a month, all of the Twitch streamers and YouTubers and like people in this space, right? He has like a very outsized impact.

I think he was a little bit of a bad boy. Like in that circle. Was he a nasty little boy for us? He was a nasty bar. He was he was canceled. Yeah, he did blackface. We all know this. He did blackface and he was canceled for that because people hated that. I thought it was because he was putting PBA on his balls. He put Peeby on his ball and people

were like, we can't do that schlat. And he said, I think it's a mixture of like he was a little bit of the Minecraft bad boy. And he also had that voice, that golden voice. It's comforting. You want to watch Slat videos because it's nice to listen. And he's so funny. He's funny. I have a moral question.

A long time ago, this is on one of the videos I made, I would show love one of my balls all the time. Remember? Mm-hmm. Of course. One time he showed your balls to everyone else. That's true, but I by Accidente. Accidente.

And I go, and Accidentes. Accidentes. Seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven. And one time, I wanted to mix it up, which I always tried to mix it up in the old house. and I I sharpied my balls all the way. Yep.

So I sharpied all my body I like pulled the skin out and I just like you know made them black. Yeah, yeah. Was that wrong? Yeah, yeah. That's.

That's. That's. It is worse than literally doing a one-man minstrel show in front of me. I don't think that's... I don't think it is. I don't think it's...

I think it's... I think it's not good. Because it's not like... Okay, so what do I do now? You, uh, you have to do it again to cancel it out. I think you have to publicly apologize. You should I apologize? You should publicly apologize.

Um, you should, you should publicly apologize, but in the apology, you should show what it looked like. Yeah. And you could say, I want you guys to judge. This was wrong. I would not do it again. To be clear, it's like a Times Square billboard. And to be clear, this is a recreation that I did yesterday of it to show. ideas to show you for not to do this.

Like the Drake war? You're doing the Drake pose? But it's just your balls? And I will never do this again. Yeah, I got, you know, I, I, it's been weighing on my mind. And so I, I'm glad I'm being set on a path to. You got yourself closer to kidney poisoning with that one. Yeah, I think that had a lasting effect.

No. Yeah, I think it tainted your mind. It got into your brain. I don't think that. The dominoes that I ate in college It changed my bowels forever It changed my mind That's what truly changed my brain

Love it, what are you doing? What's what's ripping Don't rip, don't try to rip it I'm not trying to rip it, I'm just saying it's ripping. Why don't we try to rip a premium episode Okay, go to the Patreon right now Well, I have a surprise for y'all Okay

Really? Can we see it right now? Yeah, tell me We're doing the premium at 10 in the morning tomorrow That's fun That's the surprise I thought it was I thought it was It's gonna suck. See you there.