The Yard - Ep. 228 - Going Back In Time

Episode Date: December 3, 2025

This week, the boys talk about what we would bring with us back in time, Ludwig's new hair, and how the title of gamer is earned... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is what I think you were actually like and how you actually acted. You got a small note and I'm awesome hair. Use your mic, bro. He doesn't care, dude. Why would he care about some sort of microphone, some sort of audio product? My life is crazy. Bencher, use your mic, man. Where did you get that shirt?

Is this your Chrysler logo? What is that? Cadillac. Ugly peasant, ugly peasant, fat turtle. Not ugly, though. You can be fat, beautiful. You've got a great face. I'm Stavros of the pod right now.

Do the laugh. You did it. You did it. Dangerously glossed. Wow. You got to get faster. Bunch Bob is pitched up Saurros. They should put Stobbubb.

on SpongeBob. They should, dude. That would be a great episode. Honestly, you'll probably get there. It'll be like the bikini bottom NFL game and it'll be a Ravens game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they'll make him Larry. Dude, they should put all of Comtown on SpongeBob. Yeah. They should come in SpongeBob. Okay, well, whoa. They should let me come in SpongeBob. Here he comes. The guy who gets us banned off the internet, come and, describe it then. You were busy, so long pooping, describe it without getting us in.

What would it be like if he bust inside you? kind of like it was kind of spurt you know when you let it out you know when you would spin the thing to get the Playto sausage out and it would kind of like you you can't keep crank it you get a cranking and then it kind of leaps out and then and then you and then you crank it again and then it kind of leaps out again it was like three times of that three sets of playto sausage come out my yucky that's that was what yucky what was dumped that's what he asked there are thousands of people eating right now and one truck driver who drove into a People eating maybe they should fucking stop. Maybe they're getting a little big. Oh, wow, our viewers are getting too big and they need to stop eating Our viewers are getting big and Aiden wants you to get small now. We see the merch numbers

You've been a problem lately bro. I've been a problem look at you. I look good I look fucking you guys take two dumps in one day Huh? Which sounds glorious. When you guys take two dumps in one day? Are they the same size? Doesn't happen a lot, but no no I usually do one a day to be clear Not even close. Yeah, but you know sometimes if you're a normal if you're a normal pooper He took the craziest poop I've ever seen him in my life. You didn't send me a picture? I didn't.

I didn't. I sent him Dan Benson jerking off with something in his asshole. That? Why are those the same? That's true. Why are those the same? Honestly, I actually do have to treasure the fact that I'm the only person I think you send Dan Benson too.

Yeah, you're the only person that's like ready to see that, I think. And interested in seeing that. I actually think the bigger problem with you sending it, is not the initial, because when I open it, I'm usually, oh, that's what Dan's been up to. I keep tabs. But the problem is, like, we'll move on. It'll be, like, the next day, and then I'll open our DMs in a public place. And it's like, oh, Dan.

Yeah. I did. I took the craziest dump. I actually called Ludwig, we were playing Expedition 33. I called Ludwig in to come look at it. And then he, usually when you do that, no, it was at his house. Oh, sorry. Dude, it was at my house and, bro, I honestly, I'm so impressed with toilets.

Yeah. Because everything goes down. Like, it's hard to clog a toilet. It wasn't wide. It was long. It was so crazy long, bro. A baby's arm is smaller. So you thought the, it was probably the length of a baby.

I'm not kidding. It was probably the length of like a newborn, like a big newborn. He took a poop and it went into my toilet and then it went and just so long. It went out of the water. It breached. It breached. And then it like, oh my God, dude. I'm sorry to anyone who's listening.

It's fine. This is what the Yard podcast is. It was generational. Hold on. I got to scroll through picks of my beautiful girlfriend. He dropped a breacher, bro. Uh, do you want to see it? I don't think I dropped a breacher in years.

They looked like an icicle. Yeah. Oh, God. Dude. Right. Oh, my God. It looks like your snake in the toilet with it. Isn't that crazy?

Yeah. It looks like a tool. Isn't that awesome? A newborn is 19, 20 inches? Oh, I clear. Yeah, he clears that, bro. He clears a newborn baby. Stans' his newborn is way smaller than slime. Yeah, I'm mug. Did she you look at it? No, no. God, no. Why would you laugh? I don't think she would want. Women should also be in STEM.

I should be in STEM. Yeah. This is science. I don't think women should look. I don't think I should have my girl looking at another man's shit. And that's how you... No, but you could have your girl looking at another man's shit. man's stool. That's the same thing but a different word. Stool of science. Stool is science.

Stool of science. Pooke is science. Stool is science. Why do you? And Swive loves doing science in our bedroom. Why does it look different this time?

Why does it look different? Why do you look? I feel different about it. It got professionally done. As opposed to as the last time Nick do it did it. And so it probably looked better when I did it right.

Nick did it. Because I think he did, I think we did two rounds of bleach. It was yellow as shit. And then we were like, ah, fuck it, we'll tone it. I went to this place, bro, it was crazy. They made me sign a waiver.

They did three rounds of bleaching. I told him on a YouTuber. I think they started trying extra hard. Yeah. They didn't leave a spot. They started doing spot, like spot touches. Like there was a little yellow here. They went, oh, sorry, let me sit there for five minutes.

That's a pro job. Do you shoot it on your eyebrows? You look like a Mia goth. I think the eyebrows would look crazy. You look crazy already. What? Yeah, you look like a rendered character in bully. I look hot. You guys were mad about it.

I'm not mad. I'm not mad. I'm not mad. I can't play a young guy Fieri. Yeah. That's not what I cast you. A guy Fierry biopic? Yep. And you put on like 40 pounds.

And it's like when he actually used to cook like 40 years ago before all he did was eat. He wore an apron. How did his tips become frosted? Like you saying he used to be full blonde. Yes. So where did he get the dark? It's a natural blonde growing out of his hair.

It's like presidential stress. from eating at diners. No, I think it happened on NAMEC right before, right before the calamity happened. Zipr got that. Namek from Dragon Ball. Yeah. Dragon Ball, I know Dragon Ball.

I got the slime reference. I'm jumping! You guys are trapped in here with me. For 90 minutes plus another hour after. You can't get away from me. That's fine. You fucking flaked them yesterday. I'll kill you. That's been the case for years.

I know, but today I'm reminded. get in this room. I'm reminding you of the case. You can't leave. Try to leave. I'm... Try to leave. Do it. Yeah. Yeah. This is actually, I'm actually so much more scared with you in the turtle suit. Try to leave, man. Try to leave, go ahead. With the turtle suit, he'll jump. Come on. Because he won't feel the ball. Okay, all right, okay. Back in the chair.

Oh my god. Now podcast. Okay. Take the witty observation. Say it funny. Say it funny. Say something funny, bitch. Oh, you're so rotund. But I thought... You just kind of felt them up a bit. Now compare it to sex.

I'm a regular. Oh, yeah, clean up after it. That's your coffee. Clean up after me. I'll let it spill. Spill. Clean up after me. There's just bacteria in this grass.

It goes into the soil. Yeah. We should get real dirt in here. We did at the last place, and it sucked. Because there was a bunch of dirt, and then you all left. Do you guys remember? doing that at my house. Yeah, we were done with the episode. I owned a house. We were finished. You guys blew it up, put a bunch of fucking dirt everywhere, and then left. And then I had to sell it.

And then I had to get rid of all the fucking dirt. No, you didn't have to. You just had to call someone to do it. Oh my God. Humanity. The humanity of calling someone. You're insane. You're insane. If I put dirt everywhere in your bedroom and then I go, oh, the humanity, you had to call someone to remove it. He went dirt in his bedroom. He wouldn't, he would leave it. He'd like it. He would not like it because there'd be a fucking bug and then his girlfriend and see the bug and then he wouldn't be able to sleep on the floor anymore. God damn that bitch. Whoa.

Because I, it's like just let the bugs crawl on us. Let the bugs crawl on us. What the hell are they going to do? What's the worst a bug could do? They could kill you. The worst bug can do is kill you. If you're asking about the worst thing, a bug and do is it kill you. Not any of the bugs around here. Maybe if I'm asleep in the rainforest, but not

in my home. The bug goes, and then it kills you. You fucking die. You go to anaphylactic shock and you die forever. You're an idiot. you don't know what you're talking about wait the only way a bug could kill me is if it upped chop yeah up it up to bug chop what are you even saying that's a bug life that's a bug life is all a bug that's a bug life fool but many bugs and kill you know that bugs and kill you guys know this a fire ant can kill no but that's not they're not here you know with us in california they're not you don't think we have bugs that can kill we got killer bugs we have black

killers and that's it oh do we we have one bug that can kill that's it and it's everywhere You are on a cold streak with arguing these days on the pod. You are arguing that they're... Look at Zipper, look up killer bugs in California. There we go. Top nine scariest bugs. Tarrantulas. Not kill...

Tarrantula doesn't kill. Tarrantula Hawks. They don't want to fuck a... They fly now. They're half torrential. Do you? Africanized bees? I shouldn't call them.

They shouldn't. And you know why they call them Africanized bees. That's crazy, man. It is crazy. Dude, these guys can all kill you. Wait, yellow jackets are top six. This is a pathetic list This is a bad list

Centipedes This is an embarrassing list Oh Oh my god The camel spider I might die of cuteness During World War

Two British troops station In Libya Would fight the spiders And then where it even is that So Everyone I was competing in the war And the British Having to make trenches for the spiders

Oh dude Trenching warfare And the scorpions are all shell-shocked And they come home And they write Scorpion poetry about it Lockheed Martin spider traps And then it turns him in a little missiles

What's like Beverly Hills to a bug? Is it like a big poop? Oh yeah That's a mansion Yeah It's a mansion made of food And like Baker's Field is somewhere nice I think it's like a mound

Is it backwards? A mound is Beverly Hills They love a mound It depends on the Or like a corpse I think Baker's field is being drowned In a chlorine pool Yeah

Who's the corpse husband of bugs Who's the corpse I don't even go How do I even get here? I'm gonna try. What is that? Who is the corpse? Like what species or like what bug?

Keep going. By name? Yeah. See, this is what I wanted when I told you to podcast, this is that kind of shit that I needed you to start talking about. The corpse husband of bugs.

Well, you better show some respect because he's coming back. Yeah, right. And he's gonna, oh, that's what they all said. Yeah, him and PPMD.

He's gonna take you all down. I heard they're playing doubles at Big House 6. And they're gonna go crazy together. It's corpse husband and lozzer One last time in North Carolina And he's making a political podcast Dude that

Okay honestly really funny And it's like far right If he came back and he was like Yeah I saw lemonade stand It pissed me off so bad That I came back just to compete That would be cool And all he does in the episodes

Is that he greenscures himself in And then any time you guys say something He goes I was fucking stupid Young people can't afford any Dude he should do a show You know what those like the show where it's like a bunch of only fans girls on like a right wing podcast. Oh yeah. And they all

argue. Yeah, yeah. He should do one of those. But it's like, he's like, I'm just fucking, I'm a stupid fucking idiot. And they all like go, no, we love you. And there's like eight girls on the show. And they shower him in love. What do you say? You look snows. Yeah, that one clip. Oh, you weren't here. He kept saying that.

Did you see that clip? No. It's like this crazy podcaster guy just like berating this. It's like rage bait shit. Yeah, yeah. And this woman says you're, you're, you're your baby mama has kids from three different daddies like, you lick sniss Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you fucking bitch

I know this guy, the guy with the beard Yeah, dude, it's crazy And he gets really mad And his corpse size, he goes, you look stizz He's like a South Park caricature of that guy In real life, it's cool Dude, I can't really, this is what it's like being Georg I can't really turn

No I can't turn over either That's what it's like being you What are you getting your back? Forget York Damn pussy Duh ha ha ha ha ha

Look at how how mean Chevin's mean now Chevin's so mean Chevin's so mean Chevin'clock's four and a half You know in teenage dirtbag by Wheatis they say that one of the lines

is... Oh, just a teenage dirtbag! That's one of the lines that's in Generation Kill. Baby! But one of the lines is her boyfriend's a dick, he brings a gun to school. And I always was very confused by that line

because what the fuck's going on? I think it's like maybe a time where like bullies had weapons, but they weren't school shooters. Dude, he's such a dick, he shoots schools up, you know? Yeah, like, what is this? Like, if she's dating a school shooter, he's not a winner, right? He's like, playing doom and jerking

off every night. I think he's like, did this come up before Columbine? I think that's a great question. This is the only thing I matter. That matters so much here. You check what year? Because pre-Colbine, I feel like bringing a gun to school was probably cool. I think it was the year 2001, because the movie Loser came out, maybe 2000, with

Jason Biggs. But I think it was after Columbine by two years, and I think that's crazy to say. It's crazy to bring a gun to school after Columbine. Because there's no confusion about what the gun means. I think kids having cell phones in school, it's worse than a gun now. Dude, vapes.

Vapes are basically a gun for your mouth that you suck on. Every time you put a vape in your mouth, imagine it's a gun for you. Yeah, it took to that. I nailed it. I'm so smart. It was well after. You're so smart. Yeah, so it's two years later, and they were saying he brings a gun to school, but he's also like an awesome Chad. So it's kind of

interesting. He brings a trench coat and a gun to school. And his best friend. They play video games and they're violent. The song's different that I remember. They put it in rock band, I guess it changed. That music video I watched it probably a hundred times. There's a guy who plays Maracas shaped like fruits

in the gym when he's doing the percussion. It's an insane video. Dude, I don't know the last music video I watched. I think it was ghost. OTA. The somebody that's the last

what's the last music video I like that I like that music video Teenage dirt bagged by Wheatis I mean like recently came out uh

recently came out two Hollis whichever whichever one Or he's in the hallway The one edited by Two Hollis They're all of it All of them man

I watch a lot of music videos Yeah I like the medium They're interesting It's like one of the last, it's like one of the last forms of traditional media like that,

where it hasn't been transferred to like a new platform yet. Are they still pop in? No, they're dying. Except for some artists. Like if,

if like Bono made a music video, he'd be fine. Bono. If like Rihanna made it, not the same exact era, but yeah, she's fine. I think the megastars

they can do it. Who could have billions of views on YouTube, they can do it. But like, and anyone can do it. But it's like not a great,

It's not as great of a discovery tool as it used to be. That's what shorts are for. Yeah. You make a TikTok. Yeah. And I always... My band talks about Israel in pop punk. And then it's like you.

Yeah. And then you get really famous. That's the baby no money. Yeah. It's the baby no money. Collab. That boy will collab with really anything. Yeah.

Any noun. Yeah. We doing a... A person plays a thing. Teenage squirt bag. Okay. I'm just a teenage skate. He's playing the apples and bananas, dude.

He's so into it. And then the bassist looks like he's 40, which is funny because it's like... No, he looks like he's 20 fucking 7 in Boulder. Wait, is it a different guy? Oh, God, I hate this song so much. I have a weird thing where I just watch videos I hate over and over. I thought you liked it.

I love the song. I just assumed you like. Oh, you don't like the video. No, it's insane. I love that video. Insane shit's kind of cool, no? Yeah. But I hate it.

But that's beautiful, right? The opposite of love is indifferent. not hate. I think it's cool that like it sucks you know like something can be so generational. Why does something I was thinking about this recently. Why does something become something that sucks become cooler

with time? Because I think it is making something that sucks is vulnerable but why don't we appreciate that in the moment? Because in the moment you make fun of it for me in the moment you are you have an obligation to understand cultural context to not make something that sucks and when you fail at that it's pathetic

but when you fail at something and then it's 20 years pass it becomes capsulized and it's okay because even the things that were cool are different right yeah nothing that's like 20 years old that sucks sucks what do you meet 9-11 teenage dirtbag music video yeah should I keep going are you saying these things don't suck yes like I'm saying after 20 years we're like dude that's just awesome sopper actually did this they said they had an episode where AIDS was finally funny because 21 point like eight years had precisely yes which is actually a pretty pretty interesting theory and they jumped the gun on the Charlie Kirk jokes but it will resurge in 2046 and I think

it's okay to make fun of Charlie Kirk it's happening now but I'm saying 2046 is a resurgence dude there's 21.8 years man who gets it who gets it next who is the next celebrity death that gets Kirkified life what a but a sad we should we should do anything but name them yeah sorry we should do what What I'm saying is everyone's adding Charlie Kirk to like I show speed gifts and shit. Yeah. Yeah. And it's such a crazy phenomenon because it's like, I, I think he is just a certain type of person that makes it fun for the whole family to do that.

I think it's only fun for the family that you've curated. If I were to go to heaven, if I were to die and go to sweet baby heaven and look down and people were doing that to me, people were like putting my face on fucking everything. I think I would snap out of like the heaven euphoria But I think I'd be like There's probably a pipe in heaven that goes to hell And I'd dive in I don't know man I would dive on in

I think there's something kind of fucking awesome Like maybe I'm changing Isn't it what you want it to be remembered That's what I'm saying Right Like I think if I go down And all of a sudden I'm being like A-eyed onto the gooner side guy

And it's reversing Like I think that's really funny I think that's as long as it's funny and you and I think Charlie Kirk are probably different guys we are different guys yeah I think notably so

I mean it's been a long time coming because it happened when Too Mad died too did it? Day of people were cracking jokes I'm not talking about jokes that's just normal talking about curfification that's normal culture I feel like there was a two matification

I missed it I mean we didn't have the AI tech that we have now that's also a the difference, right? Sure. Like he's getting on speed because it's an AI button. Yeah. Back of the day, you had to have some technical skill. And that's, that's also an interesting thing. It's lowering the barrier of entry to roast a dead piece of shit. Making a, it's taking a account because, uh, not because Jasmine told me to, but because I want to make a song about Charlie Kirk and too mad. Me. She posts, she's singing us the, we are Charlie Kirk. Yes.

Sooner didn't help me with this, but it could have. Oh man, we need Catatonic Youth The Twitter account back more than ever Oh, that's a great account Yeah, AI is waiting to be placed on there Yeah, even then, it's like there's such a nobility And having a dog shit terrible band Or music project that, you know, didn't

What is Catatonic Youth? It's a Twitter account that I like that, like, I don't know if it actually might still post But it wasn't posting for a while Where they just find really niche, like terrible music and post little clips of it on Twitter Like shit like if stitches never blew up They would find that

It's yeah, it's like There's one I really like that's like Maybe you can try to find it on the catatonic youth Twitter zipper But it's like a It's a group of like old veterans Who are in like an anonymous Facebook group like anonymous Like we are anonymous

And they like banded together And made like a song over Zoom It's really hard You have to kind of just watch it I mean you can try to find that one It's like the background looks like the Matrix, and it's a bunch of old veterans dressed as soldiers. Yeah.

It's like an insane bad lips. Like, just, like, sending zipper into the, like, yeah, and zipper, heading to the minds. Find that one. Well, that's gonna be the future of podcasting is you, they have AI zipper and we say, can you find that video where we're making it up? We're taking away zippers jaw for everyone. It's like, sorry, can you find that video of, you know, Barney Jacketoff? That is the future.

Like, oh, there it is. I love this video. We made the video, so Joe Rogan was right. Do you think how long until there's an AI podcast, pulling up AI references, completely a world that doesn't exist, and people are just so bought it, and they're locked? I don't think it, again, we've had this, is this it? No, but this is the same, from the same page. Do you play the music? We can't hear it.

Can we tell you got a box of me on this page? This isn't it, but. That's a great tone. This is unironically what Kion's like. This is what they find It's true I get that reference You got me

It's gonna be really hard You just keep looking You'll know it when you see it Searching through Twitter is miserable Also Discord Motherfuckers Do you try to find a single fucking group chat with somebody

If you type in one person's name It shows like a thousand times No it shows none of them It shows none of them Or it will show you a group chat from like 2019 Yes With that person

and nobody else because you have to get the names in the right order of the group chat? Yeah. Oh, you do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't just like put the name in.

It's so crazy. It's insane, bro. I had a sad, like, kind of loser thought the other day, which was basically, like, Twitter's never going to be the way it was

before the muskinator took it. Yes. It's just never going back because, like, how do you get back there? You have to, like, hand it over to someone who doesn't suck

and it's like, no one's going to buy it for that much. All this, it's just gone. Instagram stories are the new tweet, man. Instagram stories? You do the text, the text stories.

There's no picture, it's just the text with Instagrams. And it's creator mode. Yeah, it's creator mode. And you just post a joke. Check me on threads. Threads. You're on threads. I'm on threads.

I'm threading. I actually got a threads deal. What's your last thread? My last thread? Excited to watch Charlie Kirkson for now. Mine was a fucked up piece of cake I got. On a trip. I posted once, I think.

When it came out, I was just like, fuck it. Let's see it. This bangs. It did the bang. Ludwig's last thread was like, I can't wait to go to New Hampshire to ski with my friends. It probably is. Dude,

they gave me a deal. I guess it's really down bad in threads universe, but they were like, we'll pay you to post on threads. What's the numbers, dude? Come on. They're horrible. It was like,

you need to post every day for six months. Damn. And you get, I think it was like, maybe it was like 6K, it was like 1K a month. Oh! It was like a lot of posting.

And I was like, Like, and I was, I was doing the mask, like, I could just set up scheduled posts. Yeah, you could have, you could have Christian do that. It's a tonal language. Oh, it was a crosspost, because Instagram was trying to get you to crosspost for a while. And you just hit yes? No, it auto-checked you yes. Dude, your hair sucks so bad.

I, you're fucking, I hate you. Better now or better then? Better now. Better now. Yeah. Never, never do it yourself anymore. Just go to some professional girlies. Did I do that myself, the red?

Yes. Oh, yeah, it was here. Yeah, yeah. I didn't do it. You guys fucking did it. I didn't want to do it. So you fucked it. So you're mad at me that you fuck something up. I also didn't do it. I would never touch your hair. Oh, thanks. Wow.

And in bad way. Likewise. You wouldn't shave his head if he asked you to? I would shave his head. I would shave your head. If I ever was going bald, I would come to you. We should shave Nick. I would come to you with a samurai sword. Oh, I did shave his head. I shaved it with the razor. It's time for Nick's to go. No. Nick you got to go, bro.

I don't want to go. We've all been bald. Have you noticed that? We've all been bald for the show. What are we talking about? How much money? Except Nick. No, it wouldn't be money. What would you do it for a million? Yeah, of course I do it for a million. Will you do it for 50K? Yeah.

Okay. Wait, you go bald for 50K? Well, what kind of 50K? Are we talking like, we hit a Patreon goal that technically raises the value of the Patreon. $50,000 in your pocket. Yeah, I'd go bald 50K. No, wait, but bald or shaved my head.

I'm not bald. Like bald, bald, it's also. Yeah, I would. It doesn't matter. Yeah, it's, I feel like people make it a bigger deal. You just look sillier for one week. Yeah, it's a week. Yeah, I thought about it.

That's exactly what I thought about. I was like, yeah, of course. You look crazy. You look crazy for that one week. 50K has a lot of fucking money. Are you guys warped? I'm just, I'm not worried. I'm just saying maybe I cash in.

I'm not worn. I thought you would protect your hair. I'd be so afraid that it wouldn't grow back the same. It would probably won't. And you'd be different forever. You look different forever and people won't like you as much. I'd like that. Being schizophrenic would fix a couple other things.

But I don't want to have. Is this it? This is it? Dude. Wow, Zipper, good job. AI couldn't have found this. This is a great video. What the fuck?

So they're just like green screening themselves on Zoom? And they say where they're from? Yeah. New Hampshire! Dude, the sax guy's kinda killing it. But do they all have anon on their jacket? Okay, I'm not gonna lie. Is bro playing a seventh string?

That's so beautiful, man. Dude, fist bump explosion? What happened to that? Yes, it's too much. That fell off crazy. This is like stock like Marines commercial footage. Dude, no, because they were in front of it. I think that they found it. Like they went to the-

Wake-up secrets activate. Well, some of it's stock footage, but some of it is, yeah, them on the base. Ain't on digital. Like anonymous? Oh! That's a clear military strike. I imagine it's just like... They're playing this.

And they got in the background like the 2010 Chelsea Manning leaks, like the fucking civilian video in the background. They got Stevie Wonder on the drums I think she's blind I think that drummer is blind That's okay You can be blind in a drummer Or have one arm like in Def Leppard

Being a blind drummer would be so hard No it wouldn't I feel like it'd be easier To be a blind drummer Than a blind driver Yeah I think so too I think that's yeah Good one Chevin

I appreciate it y'all I feel like I have good thoughts See you guys should be killing it Thanks fun So Ziazzi all day I'm there with my sister She's like Your bed is so rock-out

She was sleeping in your bed Ludwig Huh She was sleeping in your bed No, she's talking about Elbed What's here I'm playing I see

I see I think I understand She's talking about Elbed Okay Rock Al's It was rock hard The bed And I said That you share

I don't have solution You don't have solution I don't have solution I have a solution for you I sit in a rock and I sleep. I have a Helix sleep bed. It's actually the comfiest bed I've ever owned. Sorry, H-E-L-I-X.

Helix deep. Helix sleep? Helix deep. Helix sleep bed. And I use it, and I took their sleep quiz. You use it with your sister? No, no, no, I just use it normally with me and my, my lovely girlfriend.

It does not work for our sister else or women? It can work, I guess, for anyone. Anyone you want to put in the bed. How would you know if it's good for you? Well, I took a sleep quiz, and it told me which bed that I most likely like. You are tested on what? That's the, it's like, it asks you all sorts of, It's a quiz. And then I got the midnight lux. It was very comfortable. That's what I use Chevin. You're using it for what? Can you really explain?

Maybe I don't get it. I think maybe I don't get it. I think maybe I don't get it. Just sleep at the bed is rock out. Right. So we're gonna try to upgrade you. You can take the sleep quiz. They have many different designs with memory foam and cooling features in different sleep zones to customize your sleep. It's cool or hot or hot. What do you ever you need? I like temperature. You just like it in general. It's just the idea of it's up and down. It makes you happy. It's fun. That's cool. Well, you go to helixleep.com slash the yard, Chevin, for 27% off site wide. Such a funny number.

27. So this is random. Vincent in France. It's so random. Helixleep.com slash the yard. It's exclusive for listeners of the yard. So you can use our link and let them know the yard sent you. Alter, butthes.

Tell your sister. Yes. Thanks a Helixleep for sponsoring this week's episode. That's Helixleep.com slash the yard. Let's get back to the main episode where this whole fantasy. sake won't exist anymore. I'm really nervous about colonel on his pot and whatnot.

You've been a great guest. You're a fat pussy? Sorry. Can you tell us more about Shopify and like Yeah. Yeah. So Flemenacean interview? Yeah, it's really great. Here's my PR pitch. I listen to an

Ellis episode for the first time, the first 20 minutes of it. Oh. Which one? It was the one where he was dressed up like a king. Oh yeah. And everything you guys said is so fucking true. He is the soul and bones of that podcast. I've always said this. I've always said he's the beating soul of a lot. I was listening to while I was working out

and I'm like, when is Aiden going to talk? But sometimes Doug would talk and then his voice is so beautiful and rich. Yeah. How am I, when you were watching for the first 20 minutes wondering when is Aiden going to talk? What I'm saying is when other people were talking? I'd be like, when is Aiden going to talk now? Yeah, he misses Aiden time

when there's not Aiden time. Where's my guy? Where's my character? But like I said, Doug has has such a rich voice full of chocolate. chips and I really like that. Yeah. And then Adrax squeaks up and it's like who, who's gonna slime this guy out for me?

Right. Right. Who, which one of... The king will make a decision. I would love if you... Sire, will you slime him out for me? I realized I got slotted out last week. I had this thought. I did three different podcasts in two days all in different costumes. I know. Guy who slutted himself out.

No? No. No. I've done three podcasts. No. You're putting yourself out The slutting is the costumes The costumes are at the behest of other people I mean the what was the sluttiest costume I mean That one

This one Probably the one on wine about it See that's fucked up You should be the most gross for us You want me to be the slottiest for you Yes What we needed to do is hike that shit up I was actually the sluggiest for your girlfriend

That's bad And she should stop looking at her request If okay let me ask you a question Ludwig Let me ask you all Look, can I posit all of you a question? Please pause it. If I were to, without any context at all,

send that picture of my poop to your girlfriends, can you... I got a banana clip. It's like long and fuck. You go kneel in the Matrix. Wait, what's this? Put it in the packet punch. Comes out, it's fucking diamonds.

And then I go, check insert, I come back, I get my ammo back when I'm back. This is you, not cutie? Oh, no, that's me. I'm going fucking crazy. Okay, well, can you, okay,

can you describe what, can you be all of your girlfriends looking at your phone, receiving that picture? I gotta sit down with mine like a kid, make sure she understand what she saw. So how do it make you feel a look at that? Do you have any questions?

She's like, oh, no. Okay, all right. How would your girlfriend? How would that go? Oh my God. That's bigger than, that's bigger than my baby. He'll like this. And then she'll send you a photo of her, the baby that she's taking care of. care. And then she'll have an extended conversation about the comparisons between the two poops. I like that. See, she

feigns her disgust at the beginning. Oh my God. Oh, I must act like this. Yeah. But really? Let's talk to her. But she's a real poophead. Why does it look at someone else? She's a poop She's a pooper. She's a real pooper. Dude. She's a poop head. I believe she's a poop head.

Yeah. What about Blair Undergame? Is she a poop head? Yeah, no reply for seven months. Seven months later you get a text. like, what the fuck? Yeah, true. This is crazy. Why is looking at someone else's poop gross you out, but your own poop is like looking at a picture of your own child?

Because it came from your soul. I think my own poop does gross me out. Your own poop groses you out? Because it comes out different every time. It's a little scary. When you're experiencing pooping, do you hate it? That would be, that, I don't want that.

It would be the worst color for poop to come out. Oh, obviously red. You don't want red. Red. No, but red is in the spectrum of violence. Like if I came out like if I came out purple I'd be so much more afraid this happens You eat all box of fruity pebbles. It will come out purple Guy who doesn't just guy who doesn't eat beats. Yeah, right like this happens

Is that what happens you know you need a little shit in your life. Oh Bro doesn't eat vegetables, but I do think red is worse because blood You don't want blood you don't want to feel like your body is falling apart inside of you and you're shitting it out I would also think neon green I get sketched when it's green because it's like what what did this? Yeah, that It's iron. You spin the wheel and like one in 40 poops, one in 50 maybe.

I'm shitting out Vanta black. It'll be green. Oh, black would be scary. I want a platinum blonde poop out of you. You can't even see a shit out and it looks like my head. You got butterfly doors on it? Damn, that poop's kind of cool.

Like an ex-U-C poop. Look a cool poop. What's he? Why is this poop weird? It's just because he would have a butterfly doors. You don't awesome poop car. I found out the oldest listeners of our show this weekend.

oldest. Yeah. Yeah, we got some moms listen. Dude, I went to my grandmother's funeral and she, which she persisted in her interest in the show because she just, you know, likes me. And she would listen to every episode of the yard. No way. But each episode was a competition of like how much grass she could handle before she gave up on the episode. But then she'd always tune into the next one. My grandmother was 83. Wow. Wow, that's extremely sweet. And she told everyone she knows her big thing is she calls everyone in her life all the time and they know like very specific

details about me and the show when I meet them which is crazy the breast milk she would just pass them up nobody brought that up but comparative your girlfriend loves poop she loves poop right that'll come up something like that would come up you love breast milk you eat your boogers

and she and her two best friends who were also in their 80s like also listen to the show sometimes and they roasted us they were like really you guys the grass looks so fake

you guys gotta get better props and I was like you know what I get told all the time people are surprised that it's not actually outside and then Jill she said well those people are dumb Archie can you can you ramp the VFX just right now do you make it look real real like it makes some sound design

like a little light outdoor fog some like little fireflies crickets yeah like Can you put on a Suna song? We actually considered for a moment, or maybe I just did, before we did the show, if it always had ambiance or not. Oh, like, I consider it in the background. Not like that, not whatever he just did, that's probably too much.

Dial it down, Archie. Take it down to here. It's right here with my hand, man, it's here now. Great. Yeah, I considered that. Like, should it have, like, should it feel really outdoors? Put a bear here. Then he's angry.

You're not having a good time. And angry. They were signing up, but they don't watch that much, and they were telling me that. But one person at the funeral, she, I think she's in her 60s or 70s. Apparently she started watching the show the next day after the funeral was over, and she's six episodes in and she really likes it. Yeah, we make a good product, bro, for 60-year-old women. Apparently. If someone was like, I want to listen, someone that you have no emotional stake and like them avoiding the show,

someone's like, I want to start the yard. Where should I start? Would you say one? Or would you, like, give them the funniest episode? People ask this a lot in the subreddit. It's always the Miles episode from way back. People love the house party episode. But what me specifically...

Yeah, yeah. I think I would try... People... I think the Hagen Green episode, someone said, is like a great one. It's just rides enough lines. You get to learn about us. You get to have someone else who's like, you know, interesting, kind of temper us.

I think that's cool. Yeah. It shows what we're about. also the guy tier list yeah which is a good one it shows what we're capable of I feel like guy tierless whiffs for I don't like that old audience for sure

I don't think it hits the same older people yeah maybe for idiot kid I actually think it's no I think seven year old love it is awesome if you're seven like eating boogers would like it weird it's all the seven year olds actually weirdly left and didn't watch that one

it's such an appealing free spirit that I think and it's like the other episodes with like all of us they feel so grounded. It's like guided almost overguided. It's sad. Guided. I think. Can't really take it where it needs to go. Not bad listening.

Chevin, what's your favorite movie? My favorite movie? Um, super bad. Okay, so Chevin's 35. What's the super bad for kids these days? Is it just some Carl Jop's video? It's Aiden Ross meets Donald Trump.

No, it's not. I don't know what, what is super bad for kids? It's Kai Sinat, Kevin Hart's sleepover. Okay, there it is. That might actually be it. That might actually be it. Followed up by Aiden Ross, me Donald Trump. Dude, he was in my chat this week.

Yeah, it was so interesting. We were both locked in on Expedition 33. Aiden Ross. What was he saying? He was in awesome stuff. He was just like, hey, yo, what up? Is this AI? Because I didn't read any of the messages.

Because we don't read chat when we play Exhibition 33 because chat just spoils. Yeah. So I don't read a message. And then everyone goes, Aiden. And then I was like, what Aiden did? because I thought it was Aiden. Yeah. And then they're like,

Aiden Ross was here and I go, okay. But then Tim was like, oh, he was actually here. But I didn't know. We didn't know. I don't know what he wanted. We've had the show up for four and a half years and the people on Apple podcast still says

Aymann Ross is the host of the show. They're not going to correct it, Aiden. That's up to us. I don't know how to do that. Oh, we're the biggest podcast on the fucking planet and they don't want to correct it for us.

Maybe we should go and... Whoa. Huh? What? All right. What do you think? Hey, let an 8 stand aiden. Mr. Lockheed Martin Monday.com sponsor. Bro.

It's funny because the crazier thing he said was that we're the biggest podcast in the world. Yeah, that's still... You have to bleep it every time. What do you mean? We're even close to the biggest. That will fuck... What's up? Pussy?

Can you, can you, can you, uh, can you block out my mouth, uh, Archie? And then add the bear back I love brand warfare Brand warfare is fun yeah I like it I feel like Is you Call itty

Brand warfare Call duty brand warfare And you fight for brands Yeah and you fight for like You fight for like Costco You draw yeah you drop in It's a battle royale Four teams

Um It's sorry It's like Dude we win You got Nikki Minaj and Homer Simpson Like a wave dashing past each other At Costco parking lot And Nicky Minaj is dressed in subway colors.

And they're tickle physics. The Red Bull Army is so powerful. We're like the Spartans. No, they're just fighting for the product in a big battle riot. Yes, but like the people sponsored by Red, they have a great army, is what I'm saying. If people who loved brands had to defend a brand in a worldwide war, what brand would win out?

Dorito. No. Dorito? No. I don't think Dorito is the whole XP weekend. You can eat a different chip. Dorino does not have hitters like. You change your chip.

Anything that has a parosocial ideation towards it. It would be Frito-Lay. That's who they're fighting for. Oh, yeah. You wouldn't want to fight with Frito-Lay. It's a bomb-ass brand in, like, India. Coca-Cola has the most, like, around the world. Just for the Diet Coke heads?

People do that. No, I would die for Diet Coke's only the U.S. though. They have all of Mexico. All of it. Wait, I thought they don't have Diet Coke. No, do you forget Diet. I don't know what I keep saying. The whole Coca-Cola company, they got all of Mexico on lock.

Dude, shut up. What about the, what about the Gooners? you think the gooners would defend what brand though I feel like Gooners are disloyal I feel like Nabisco owns porn hub or something

like we probably don't know but I don't think any they're just waiting for the next big new thing to goon too yeah gooners are not loyal they're very they're nomadic I don't even think they're respectful of the material

that they goon too no of course that because they use it right we need to free all the gooners on the great plains of Central Asia you know what we need to do is we need to capitalize on guners

we need to capture the gooner as a brand asset. Capture the Gooners. So it's like, how do we get brand loyalty from Gooners? How do we put Gooners in a Pocaball? We have to make a product that they appreciate and use and respect and need. But one they won't get bored of.

One they won't get bored of. I don't know why Tangas aren't bigger in the States. Grock, you can fuck. Grock, you can fuck. Grock, you can fuck. Did you see, there's, so there's subredits dedicated to having AI girlfriends and boyfriends and they changed the GROC AI

and that their companions got dumber and people are having meltdowns and like trying to kill themselves and stuff. Yeah, it's so sad to me. Brog gay guy. Gay guy. Jevin. Did you see my tweet?

Yeah. Clara Squirt. Sexpedition dirty pee. Yes. And I honestly, I didn't realize it was Exhibition 33 because you bastardize it so much. No.

No. No? No. I like Sexpedition Dirty P. Yeah, I just added Clara squirt. Yeah. Because it, because it's... Because Claire's queer.

That game awesome. That game is awesome. Pretty good. I think you should... It's a good game. If you like, I don't know, the last RPG you've ever played in your life, ever. He's never played one. It was the one that me and Slime played for GameCube Explorers.

Oh, yeah. The JRP. Fuck, what was that? There was a JRP on... It was, yeah, I forget what it was called. It was pretty interesting. I don't remember what it was called. It was fine.

I've never heard anyone. I don't think he was like JRP's. Dude, when I play games with him, because I've played single-player games my whole life, I'll call out these tropes that happen. I'm like, it's going to go like this, it's going to go like this. And then- It happens exactly as we say. Baton Kaidos origins is one while. You do have an insane read.

It even happened when I was there. I came into the room for a little bit, you did it. I think Bad Katoos is like the longest speed run ever. I don't think that's the one, but it's the right series. It's one of the Baton-Kidoses. But yeah, I'll call something out and he'll look at me like I'm fucking, like I'm Neil degrassy Tyson. Yes.

because you were you knew but when I play with you guy who has played stuff we're calling out the tropes together like we're literature students it's very fun I studied literature and Nick studied trickshut

I studied colovziti which does not translate to anything I studied to fuck my sister she was very impressed by my grades we didn't turn into nothing if we got into real war I think I'd know how to slide cancel quick scope

better than you could. I want to put an intervention in your head and I want to stay in opposite of you and you have four chances at 316 me. What about the way you look? Why? Do I want them to talk to you? Do I look bad? Be honest.

No, you look good. You look like fucking sucks. You look like a bully though. In those cream cords of yours. Yeah, you look like Dolph Lundgren. Damn, bro. Chimbing's gonna put his balls on your face. That is peak.

I look like that shirtless. Mm. One peck is smaller than the other. Maybe this is crazy big. God damn. He is like perfect looking. He's got awesome delts. If he dies, he dies.

He's so sweaty in that movie, too. Yeah, because you want to be. You want to be sweaty. Have you guys seen the end of Rocky 4? I think that's right. I've only seen the first Rocky. Dude, you should watch Rocky 4 because it's like, basically Rocky solves the Cold War with boxing.

I'm not kidding. He goes to Russia and he fights, and then he gives a speech at the end that solves geopolitical conflict. Do you see that? Have you seen that clip of him talking about how he made the movie shorter? Like, he was like,

the movie was too long I cut out all the clips of me talking and they ended up being an hour You know man You used the box a lot You know that right It's cool He just cut out all the clips of him saying anything

He put one video up about how Like we don't use 10 ounce gloves anymore We use 16 ounce or whatever He's like I usually use his bother gloves And We And put he said he's like

We were tougher back down I'm sorry We were tougher back then It's like you can't speak That's how I sound to swift wave your pets wave to leave your head except and also you look like

Travis Scott in Fortnite and just a hulking giant You get a puppy man Talking to me Yeah you can I'm on cat algorithm now So all I see are videos of like cats You should get like the AI ones

You watch it like AI cats You're like going to work and get cheated on it? No Those are funny No or while I'm watching real cats. It's people posting their cat on subredits where it's like cat help.

And it's cats like vibrating and it's like, is my cat okay? Usually it's like, take it to the vet. Take it to the vet. But they're very cute. I don't know what to do. Cats are cute, man. You'd love a cat.

But I'm allergic. There's a little outdoor market next to the coffee shop I go to and they have like a little cat foster booth at this market. And I saw one yesterday and I was like, that's a cute fucking cat.

You guys should get one. Oh, zipper two. He will explode. Well, I should get one. You could get the naked ones, they're cute. The naked ones aren't, they don't solve the problem. They still give off the sperm that makes you sick. Yeah.

The cat still sperm. The sperm. And you want your cat's sperm. Well, no, I need it. Yeah. Yeah. But the sphinxes are cute too, man. They're cute as hell.

I'm with you. I think Jody's cats are cute. She's got. Jody has them? I think she's got them. That's good, man. Yeah, I don't know. Every time I look at the humane shelter, I'm like,

This is just too much. Why don't we cut off the nuts of a dog? To stop us from being tempted. To stop him from... Without a bit of gals. We're long enough in the episode we won't get reported. And Jill stopped watching.

So I just kick you behind. He said we cut off his nuts, so he only wants to suck. I will say that is a bad spot for Jill and the gang. It's a bad time to hop on. It's a bad time to hop on. I would... I think it's because they get

real angry when they go in heat. It's easier to domesticate them. No. Or it's easier to keep... They're already domesticated animals. Sorry, what I should say is... Breaking in a dog. We, no, we do. We basically like, we temper their wild sensibilities when we take their nuts away. When they go in a heat, they get, they back up in a shit. A female periods everywhere. Do you think my nuts away? I wouldn't stop fucking. Do you think slime would treat Kelby normal if we cut his balls off? I definitely, well, he wouldn't bark as much. So I'd be more gentle with him. Wait, no, your nuts are cut off.

We're not touching Kelby's nuts, bro. We're not touching Kelby's left to Montreal and he's chirping at you. He's happy he doesn't have to do with you. What are you talking about? He's happy to deal with you. That's all I'm saying. This is what he messaged me. I'm on it. When he comes back when he comes back. Leave it. Leave it. Archie, just play the fucking Amber alerts out.

Archie. Everyone looks at their phone. And put the blue bar from how Kelly used to do it. When you head it over tonight, I'm trying to watch them. E33, two hours later, I thought you missed me. Hmm. I said, I have a fuck sleep schedule and you live in Diet America. I don't want to hear

some shit. Oh, and now you're making fun of Canada for being died America. Only because Kelby's there. He makes things worse, and he's there. Is that why it was so cold this weekend? It was so cold because Kelby was gone. Yeah, and you didn't fucking show and Kelvin didn't get to fucking watch it. I've had sleep problems, man.

I just gotta not sleep during the day. In the afternoon, I always just lay down like a cat. They say geniuses take Intermittent sleep naps They do genius naps I do I have been doing that No you don't

You just nap What you're talking about? The genius nap is when you hold something In your hand You fall asleep The thing falls out of your hand It wakes you up So you only sleep

For the fraction between that ball Like in your hand going limp Between it If I dropped something while asleep I would just keep sleeping No you wouldn't It would not wake me up No you wouldn't

You would wake up You would wake up You would wake up not even I think because the sound of it hitting the ground but because the sensation of your hand being opened by the theater. You haven't seen me sleep. What if I'm a deep sleeper? Try it. Try it. Go home. Or just put a fucking bowling

ball in your hand so you guarantee it. Just hold it. And then just your toe taped to the floor and then you wake up like Jerry. There is a scene in the Punisher movie with, um, what's his name? The Punisher. John Trowles is the enemy. John Trouvault is the Punisher. Thomas Jane or something, I forget his name. But basically

at the end of the movie he ties a guy A guy's trapped, and he makes him hold out his arm and hold an eight-pound bomb. And it's attached to a string, and with the string drops, it blows up. And he's like, how long can you hold it for? And it's a great scene, because he just leaves him. And then he walks back to John Travolta. He's like, I killed your son. And you just hear, ah, p.

He's like, I just killed your other son. And I've always thought about that scene because I was like, I bet I could hold on for a long time. You got five minutes, maybe. It's hard. Five minutes is impressive. But also, like, there's no end, right? It's not like if you do it, 10 minutes, you win, so it's... Yeah, it's a torture situation because all you can do is think about your life, you know, until...

Until you drop it because you're tired now. Why can't you fucking throw it up? Catch with the other hand. Because he was trapped and he had nothing else. Throw it up. Actually, he's... Been around. He was trapped under a flaming desk and it was the perfect situation for this bomb situation.

Why is he under a flaming death? Because he got... There was another bomb that went off. It's a great fucking movie. Yeah. A lot of bomb. This movie. Great fucking movie. Great fucking movie.

He's Punisher. He's fucking crazy. I have a question. I have a question. I was having an argument with my girlfriend about whether or not I'm a gamer. It's like, and I don't feel like I'm a gamer because I don't play single player games. And I have like no ability to culturally participate in like discussions about. Imagine coming home after like seven hours of ignoring your girlfriend playing Counterstrike and being like, I'm not a gamer.

That's what I mean. Let's argue about this You're obviously a gamer I mean you are clearly a gamer But the gamer I would say if you told that to like A normie person Yeah they like an Uber driver

They'd be like oh you don't play any games I guess you're not a gamer Like that word means The people who don't You're a gamer You're not motivated by the exploration of games As an art You're just you have specific goals

And the games you know about Yeah you don't have a lot of street cred you don't got a lot of street credit amongst gamers no I don't have street credit at all but you are a gamer this is the example that I was thinking about is usually when like you know somebody who

like knows her and maybe their boyfriend like plays video games right he plays like normal fucking console video games he played like he played God of War this year and he plays a lot of different stuff I'm like a 200 MS delay on the TV yeah and they're like

you know you guys will have a lot to talk about and like they shuffle us together like we're at daycare together and then I don't know anything about these games. Like I can't participate in the cultural conversation of you're about something like Expedition 33. I'm on my seven year run of Breath of the Wild. I'm almost through the second boss. Yeah. Yeah. You're an online gamer. For what it's worth, I'm on the fourth divine beast. Whoa. Careful. I've made some progress. And for what it's worth, it literally has been seven years. May go deleted by save file. So that sent me back a while.

Yeah. That is true. But yeah, you would have probably finished. the game. On a long enough time line. If that didn't happen. But I don't, this is... He could smoke by the bonobo. The comparison I was drawing is like you wouldn't, it's like, imagine if I only played chess all the time.

And then you introduced me as a game. No, that's obviously a bad argument. You're a chess player, not a gamer. You're poisoning the well. No, I'm not poisoning the well. You're poisoning the well. You're poisoning the well. The well's been poisoned.

I think that they're, I get it. I get it. I play some video games. games, but there's... Is faker a gamer? But I think there's a cultural... Do you walk around going, faker's not a gamer? He's never played god of war.

No, but this is a good... This is... It's like, it'd be like introducing... Imagine my best friend for some reason is Roger Federer. And I bring him to you guys and it's like, this is my friend Roger Federer. He's really into sports. He's a sports guy. He's an athlete.

Chess isn't a video game. He's an athlete. Yeah, that's why it's a better comparison. It's like, I just say Roger Federer is an athlete. Roger Federer is an athlete. Here's, I think, I think... I'm not Roger Federer in this scenario. This is faker. I think a more interesting question maybe is

what is the true... Who is the true gamer as we see it? Is it the person that plays like fucking Counterstrike and melee and like these hard, like, experiences and no single player games? Or is it the Dorito XP weekend couch guy?

It's the Squeaks hybrid. Dorito... No. Those don't exist in real life. Squeaks is literally it. he plays like fucking, like, the craziest, like, HIO games ever and then sometimes AAA. That is not a demographic. I think there's a broader cultural connotation

of when you say, like, oh, like, this, I'm a gamer or I play video games that you play, like, you keep up and you play a bunch of different stuff and you participate in like this, like, you played a little bit of silk song and you played a little bit of Metroid and you played a little bit of Call of Duty. Like, you are able to culturally participate

in the conversation of video games. And I can't do that. What do you want? So you want to be like, I'm not a gamer. I'm a counterstriker. No. Like,

what do you call yourself? Yeah, and I want everybody to call me a counterstoy. Let me ask you a question. I'm a terrorist. You take someone like simple. Yeah. And he's only ever played counterstrike,

but he's, you know, one of the best. Yeah, yeah. Is he a gamer? This is the faker argument. Yeah, the figure argument. So this is, I think, it's like saying,

it's the same. same thing is calling a fucking LeBron James. It's different. It's different because LeBron is a sports player. It's different because LeBron is so culturally prevalent. But like if you bring simple to like,

you know, Thanksgiving in Minnesota, yeah, you introduce them as a gamer. Because people don't know. Yes. I get that. But if you bring LeBron James

to Thanksgiving fucking anywhere, it's like, oh my God. Hi. Hi. 25 average your whole career. The question is, what do we do without word?

I don't think I'm right necessarily in that a bunch of people agree with my take. I just don't, I don't feel like a gamer because when I'm thrust into a social situation where I have to participate in a conversation about what, like, you've played so many games. You understand so much of like the cultural landscape of gaming. And I, and you watch me play games,

I'm terrible at them. I'm terrible in video games. It's funny because I actually share your feelings because I've played old games, but I don't really play a lot of new games. I think most new games are like, not interesting to me because I'm fucking 35 I don't care. I think what's happening here

is like the way you use the word gamer like in a sentence you'd be like oh he's a gamer I'm a gamer and I think there's a weight attached to it of like that is some badge of pride that means some sort of thing being earned or like respectful way of looking at what they do a little bit

but if you if you're like I'm a gamer and then it's like no because you only play so and so it deludes the value of like oh you shouldn't be called that but I think the real word and its real application is that you are into video games You're right

Because in my head I was like Yeah it'd be like saying it I'm a real TV Like I'm a real TV head Like I watch a lot of TV And I've only looped The office for the last 20 years Yeah I was gonna say

Are you a film buff Like oh my god my boyfriend's a film buff You guys should talk You're both film buff Since you've only seen Adam Salmon I love all the Wall Street Yeah I think a good comparison is maybe the word artist

Like I'm an artist Yeah It's like I mean I just started painting I'm an artist has work to make this. Or I like, no other artists than I've been in a gallery and it's levels, I guess.

Yeah. No, that's a good breakdown. I think to me it feels like something that I actually have to earn because I feel like I can't, in a way, I can't keep up. The problem, I think, is the conversation that ends up

because there's so many games and so many, like, subdivisions. It's like, you could play a single player game that you really like and then talk to somebody else and they only play Fortnite and Madden. You still can't have a conversation with that person.

There's just, there's nothing there. You're kind of asking, am I a gamer if I would be afraid to call myself one to like a very experienced gamer? Like if I said, I'm a gamer, they're like, what do you play? And I'll be like, uh, I can't fucking talk about it. I'd be embarrassed by my small pool. Like, am I really a gamer? I play counter. I think the answer is just yes.

I play counterstoy. I say yes, but it's like, I play, I used to be. I'll try to think who the ultimate gamer is. It might be lyric. Wait, isn't it void? No, I mean, like, void's very good at everything he touches, but like I'm talking about. The ultimate gamer is some guy with 9 million games in Steam, and he has played them. I think it's lyric because that's also his full-time job.

Maybe. So he's able to do it eight hours a day every day for the last fucking 20 years. But you're right, that they're also probably someone we don't know about. Something that was always funny about playing games on, like, I was thinking about this with Exhibition 33, is like, you go online and your, a game had just come out, and you're playing it as it's come out. And you go online and someone has already beaten it and is like, here's the best build or whatever. there's always a motherfucker that is ahead of you always and I always found actually a comfort in that

what I realize is when they say it's the best bill it's just the bill they used to beat the game no because sometimes these guys beat the game like sorry 30 time but if they really did discover the best thing the best thing is a luck build so you not deal with those bullshit it's a lock build but we have to scale

with our records and do many sense and I'm lucky to have such a great to sell is this pretty expedition 33 strange exclusively and then Aiden Ross comes in and he's like, what's going on? He's like, why are you speaking French? It's a French accent. I don't know, man.

I consider myself a gamer, even though I'm kind of like you. But I'm not fully like you. I think we in this circle respect hardcore gaming and that actually means more than anything. Way more value than the conversation can only happen

within a pool of people that understand or play enough games to begin with. I also argue that there are people like the console like NPC guy will double XP weekend man will also very much respect CounterStrike he's like oh shit you play countering like yeah

for sure dude for sure for sure like they carry that you know I think a lot of them also have tried it oh I tried it once when I was fucking 13 on my old my dad's old PC on the old gateway wasn't for me I play 1.6 I play 1.6s

they're always talking about 1.6 man there's kind of two types of game There's like the gamer who like plays their first online game and they're like, oh, great, I've spawned shot in the head. Never mind. I don't want to do this anymore. The game's not being played. It's playing me. And then there's the gamer who gets shot in the head and they're like, I am now addicted. Yeah. And I would like to figure this out. I'm going to figure this out. I'm going to figure this out. I'm going to figure this out. I'm going to play this rest of the life. I'm going to have to have enough time. I have something embarrassing to admit. I haven't got off your phone. It's something embarrassing for us to admit. I found out I was paying for iFoney premium. That's not embarrassing. That's awesome. That's the dark side of the internet. Is it's real? And I paid for big, water. Watermarked memes every month. You have to pay to get the watermark, and I pay for it. But you send them to us, and we all laugh. You guys laugh, and I crack you guys up, just like my high school boys.

Yeah, but how long have you been paying for that? I mean, like, eight years? Let me tell you. Eight years? Financially, Chavin's got a little tip for you. You guys started thinking about compounding. Can I compound? How did I compound my iPhone premium?

So here's what you do. How much you pay a month for? it? $47? So we do the math right now. That's $600 a year over 12 years. Uh-oh, buddy.

That's a car. That's a car, dude. Did you just do that top of head? That's a car. Chevin, you know math like that? Chevin knows numbers. And Chevin knows that $7,000. If you compounded it into

just a simple, I don't know, uh, Nvidia stock 12 years ago, you'd have $400 million. And what else does Chevin know? Chevin knows about Rocket Money. And what about Rocket Money? Rock of Money is a personal finance app

that finds and cancels your own wanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, it helps deliver your bills so you can grow your savings. Oh, so you use rocket money and you found out you're paying for iPhone. Yeah. That's what happened. That makes sense.

I have 10 million in my bank account. Chevin! That's so much money. Chevin, that's so much more than Ludway. I've only got it saved from not spending monthly subscriptions. That's literally it. Wait, wait, wait. Where do you get your memes?

So I... How do you get your memes if you don't pay for iPhone? I take people's credit cards and I use it to take their money and I cancel their own want of subscriptions. That feels like something Rocket Money wouldn't endorse or want people to copy. You can do it all in one

place with Rock of Money. You can see your subscriptions. It has a dashboard to give you a clear view, your expenses. Wait, wait, wait. It gives you little notifications, give you a little alerts if your bills increase in price. Yeah, so like sometimes it sends unusual spending. Yeah. And so I make sure to get around that. Oh, you can

check your 600 credit score on it too. It's way higher now. 620. Rockin money doesn't lie about your credit score. So if it says 600, it's 600. And it's also saved users over 2.5 million. Right, billion, that is, dollars, including over 880 million in canceled subscriptions alone. That fucking, is that number real? Yeah, they're 10 million members, Aden, has saved up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features.

If I take off my glasses, I can't see the number anymore, so it couldn't be that big. That means they probably don't exist. Well, if you want to go and cancel your unwanted subscription and reach your financial goals, faster with rocket money, you can go to rocket money.com slash the yard. And you can accomplish everything in your life, probably, including not paying. Like, for me, I was paying for a rock climbing gym I haven't been to. two years. I saw that on Rocket Money.

That's real shit. That hurt pretty bad. RocketMoney.com slash the yard. I'm a turtle. Let's get back to the episode where Chevin's going to teach us all about compounding. I think that's a big part of it too. I'm giving time.

Well, that's why kids... The time into getting good at shit. That's why kids should play games because they have fucking time. That's the time to do it. I think kids shouldn't play games anymore. I don't want to go full CCP. I don't want kids playing games.

Would they let the kids play a little bit of the game? I'll say maybe you get an hour a week. Yeah. Yeah, how are we, you jump off. That's not enough to get good. They're gonna be made fun by all their friends. Don't get good. I'm tired of people getting good.

They'll just get VPN. Wait, why don't you want the people to get good? You're into Minecraft, you don't want kids to play anymore. Oh, number 22 sweat. Oh my God, the truth comes out. Chevin 22, scares foot. The kids are on your ass. These kids, they're like, he's rage-baiting.

They got nothing to do all that. Binkleberg didn't teach him shit. He's rage-baiting. Chevin looks like shit. Chevin's rage-baiting. Kevin's 30. Chevin's not even hot. Chevin is hot, it's unfortunate.

Chevin, those are the one thing they can't say. I'm playing, I'm playing. All these fucking kids that come to my chat and they're saying, I meet this game when I was 11. It's like, fucking kill yourself. That's what I say to that child. Like way too young. Like with your whole life ahead of you.

I'm saying with so many years left, with the best days still to come. Like so sad. It's like so sad. I'm going to get my boy who's then you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. What are you talking about? We gotta stop because it's gonna be so much censoring. We have the sensor. Why? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna slap them out. Don't say, what are you gonna do? Like we didn't just get an episode taken down. What do you mean? What are you gonna do? I'm gonna find you up. I know you're watching, motherfucker. In the Patreon.

He's not watching. In the Patreon, we'll say who it was. We will in the Patreon. What? who I'm sliming out tonight. You can say who you're sliming out of the Patreon. Sure, fuck it. What are you scared of L.S boy?

I'm... Well, that kind of fucking gives it away. Whatever, dude! Unless we were involved in that somehow. You're not allowed to leave. You're in here with me. You're in here with him for three hours, bro. Yeah, try to leave, man.

We're gonna do an episode after this. It's gonna suck. Fuck you. Fuck you, man. Fuck L.S. Fuck it out. What do you fuck L. And my hair is awesomely bleak.

You have nothing. You have nothing anymore. I got no pigment. Yeah, go on your phone. Dude. Start scrolling on X, dude. Look up gorilla glue porn. See what comes up. I saw, I saw a tweet that was like, honestly, if you turn your screen into monochrome, it breaks the mind control. This is what Hitch does. Really? His phone's been black and white for like a year. Black and white. No, I know, but like, why does that do that? It stops from like doom scrolling and... Because you're not like, it's like less, it's just less colorful eye candy and so. you're, like, more bored of it faster. Oh, okay. I've been mind-controlled these days. It's weird.

The algorithm's weirdly way better. I can't break it some mornings. Yeah, it got worse for me, too. Dude, my algorithm got awesome. I know. My algorithm's just classical pianists talking about songs. And he's so good, and he plays it.

And he goes, Chopin was thinking about this girl when he wrote this. And she was going to die. Oh. And that's it. And it's a beautiful algorithm. And Minecraft. And Minecraft.

Man, Chopin was probably, 5-1. Think about that. I was thinking the other day, I was like... Were you thinking about how he's a little guy? No. Because I think it wouldn't matter. We all like your song, sport?

I think if you were to go back in time, you wouldn't be able to do anything. Like, if I went back in time to, like, Julius Caesar Rome. Yeah. And I had all the knowledge that I have today, I just couldn't, I wouldn't be able to change a thing. No. How do you do it? You have to get before someone with power and tell them something crazy.

But then, like, ultimately, why would they change any of their actions? Because I'm like, dude, 2,000 years from now. So, fuck, Kroc's going to come around. And Elon's going to buy it. Like, what do I do? They're super intelligence and we don't like it. They'd be like, all right, cool. Like, if I told you today, guys, 2,000 years, they're going to have flying cars where everyone's going to live forever and there's going to be no babies anymore and no one's going to ever die. I do? What do you change? No, I go back with a gun. I go back with a bigger gun. Technology solves all of this. You come, you up, chop, and then everyone's like, okay, this guy's awesome. We've talked about this. But if you have nothing on you, you have nothing on you. If you have nothing on you, you're fucked. What is having anything on you even doing?

He's saying if he brings a gun, you could like show them the gun and be like, let's build this. Think about, no, no, think about. I wouldn't bring a gun. I'd go, I go get a gun. It's so easy back then. I would go get a gun. I would just be like, hello, gun, I would just be like, Hello, gun please. Yes, you're eight. Here's your gun. And I get my gun. They didn't have guns. They didn't have guns. Wait, what year are we in? We're talking about Rome. It's ancient race. Oh, I thought, sorry, in my head, we were in Nazi Germany.

It's crazy. Because I was thinking about going back to Philly. In my head, we were like, we were all having, like, a lot of guns. And we were still doing the yard? We were still doing the yard. We were still digging. There's an eagle insignia back there. I would get the most dangerous weapon I can find in ancient Rome, like a rock with a chain on it or something okay I would go up to someone and I would be like I'd be like I'm from the future

and this is all the stuff I want to prevent and this is what you got to do and if you don't do it I'm gonna kill you because then they're like trying to protect their life now okay for the future and I tell them if you kill me now I never come back to kill you because I'm dead you know what I'm saying no yeah if they just kill you the problem's over no wait don't they just want to kill them no you know you know what you do you if they don't kill them if they don't do my sleep weapon then well if I go to sleep I won't go to sleep what's happening in a moment you're not gonna go to the thing I need to do right now or I kill see here's what I bring I bring 20 caffeine pills then I never go to sleep and then I say and then

you can kill me if you do it and then I don't ever come wait so you're sacrificing yourself no he leaves before they come back okay let's all aid you in your quest because you're going back and you're trying to make some change yeah okay the change is up to you can we kill it can we kill her change The change is up to you. I didn't go back to kill Hitler but I miss it because I sleep until noon.

Oh, fuck. He's gone. Why am I so tired? I went to bed at like one. Fuck, he left. Dude, you get to bring you get to bring one thing back. Okay, one thing.

To help you change, make change. A lighter. That ass. Wait, wait, you're saying to prove that I'm from the future? A lighter? Yeah, I'd be like, check it out. To prove to, yeah,

it can be helped to help prove you're from the future to give you validity or to give you power. There's a video about this. Who was it? It was either Vsauce or Hank Green or one of them folks. Nerds.

And they were like, oh, it was Vsauce. And he was like, the best thing you could do is you could go back with the, uh, the geographical location of relics that we didn't find until very long later. And you could be like, all these places are where they're all buried. And then you're a prophet. And they'd be like, well, there's no way to know like where that sunken ship was and where that unbubbered burial thing was and that fossil was. And so it's clearly from the future.

It's a map with locations. Yeah, it's a map of lanterns. Yeah, you just have a fucking lighter. I think you need to know how. to... It'd be one of those lighters that flip open and you do a trick with it

on your pants I would bring back one of those like huge like cloth vapes oh dude they would think you're like a geomancer

and I'd jump through the ring yeah yeah I'd be sick I'd be playing three card Monty smokes green and I'd be so rich

you would really need to get money it's kind of just like normal life because back then like the biggest armies were just rich guys. You wouldn't bring a computer, right? Because they wouldn't be able to plug it in. So there's no internet, bro. That's why you bring a lap.

You'd be playing Google Snake the whole time. Guys, for two hours, crowd around. It's the future. They don't live very long. I need to see the emperor right now. I do my fastest Minecraft speed run in the time of that I have. Don't put it on your lap. It's hot as fuck. Ironically, a Ti-83 might be the greatest thing you could bring back. Oh, the abacus has been so much power. It would last so long and it would be in the calculator.

have you guys thought about how if you did go back you wouldn't be able to talk to anybody if you go back far if you go back more than like 400 500 years you just can't talk about it if you study Latin you could talk to you could just learn it

it would take so long music is the universal language would be dead by the time I learn we can learn Latin that's the one are you to learn Latin before you go on the time I think it'd be smart I'm saying if you just go back in the time it's like if I dropped you in Japan today you could learn Japanese

in a year. If you go back, like, they learn the language. No, but that's what I'm saying. You'd have to settle it. You'd have to live for the year. Yeah, sure, but then you learn it. Whatever. Who cares of shit. But you'd become a peasant. You'd be a peasant. We're just broke. Think about it. You just go. But you go back. You get dropped in. You have your alien wear laptop at your Ti-84, which use batteries. First I'm rich. But you have no dick socially. And you don't know the language. So you take a year, but your Ti-84 has died. It's weird. I'm trying to tell you, I'd talk to them with music. I'd be like, um, boom, like modest Yahoo.

And they would, they come peasant? They can't put me with the peasants. I'm like a fucking, I'm like a grand gesture. You're just trying to secure your jester spot. Yeah, yeah. I think I learned Latin in two weeks. And then I, I, yeah, I'm a language proficient guy. Do they have pig Latin?

Where'd that come from? Moshin'i Baba. How'd pig Latin come to be? You're, I don't know. Moshinima. You skipped a word in there. No, I didn't. Orsher, knee the baba.

No, what? Isn't it need the baba? No, it's just knee baba. Really? Oh, maybe I'm speaking to it was too much structure. You need a year in ancient China, bro. You are going to struggle, dude. My Chinese is shit.

I got to throw you in the Song Dynasty, because you're dumb as fuck. My Chinese is shit, and I think you're going to struggle. I learned a little thing or two for my barber, Brandon. Okay? You have a Chinese barber? He's Taiwanese, so don't make that mistake again. My fault. What?

I didn't mean it. You're like the Japanese prime minister again. Well, wait. Why was he, what was he teaching you? Woshinibaba. Okay. What does that mean? I'm your daddy.

Chevin's your dad now. Going back to ancient Rome and saying that. They're like, what the fuck is he talking about? It doesn't even sound like something from the future. Wrong turn on the Silk Road, fellas, my bad. That's what I would do. Silk Road. Ancient Rome, I go right to fucking China.

You know what I do? Well, I guess I couldn't do it. But you bring a basketball and you just, hoop on those motherfuck Oh my gosh Let's run ones And also I'm over six feet tall Yeah let's run once

Dude and going back And three of us could do that I go back in time And I go to I go to like I go to Kosovo What would you do in Kosovo? I'm going back with the ball And like very quickly

They picked the game up And they're like oh He's the worst basketball player They ever do it So you're you play this game in the future Yeah I'm the best Yeah I'm the best We ever had

Modern Day basketball has a bunch of different rules because slime made them up to be the best. You actually can't jump when you shoot. There's a live bowl on the court that you have to avoid. The bald guys get double points.

I want to go back in time. I want to go to like Latvia or Kosovo and then make basketball there and then they become the greatest in the world because they'd have a 2,000 year head start. Why would you want them to do? I would like to give it to a small region. It'd be fun for them.

Right. It'd be fun for the Kosovoans. You can't be saying like I would... I would racially change the makeup of basketball while looking like that. They're white. Exactly. Yeah. Basketball was made by white people here. Made by white people.

Yeah. Culturally defined by black people. It was a white. It was a Canadian. You're right. You know what? Basketball is a white sport. It was a white Canadian.

What are we doing? I don't know what you're saying. I'd racially change it. Guy on the Austin Reeves subreddit. You're saying you're kind of saying that you'd make the biggest team white. No, but I think you're implying that it'd be white Because it's like you're saying Kosovo is 100% white But I don't think Kosovo

You said it was white You said that No, you started by saying it's racially I would racially change You would I don't think he knew they were white It would until you said they were white And I think he learned it when you said it

But now you're saying they're not all white I mean they're not It's Kosovo It's Kosovo Well I don't know what that means In this context It's a diverse area What do you care you can just say

They got so many different races in Kosovo Kosovians. Are you off baseball? Because ethnic Albanians... You would make the Albanians win? Yeah, I would. Disgusting. Yeah.

Do it win. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, did you, and, you know, what we made, you guys, you know, what we made, you know, when we made those jokes about them not having school and Lithuanians. You're so mad. Some people actually got mad. I was like, I was like, you, you've watched the show for four years, and you've made it to Lithuanians don't have schools and are like, they're being serious this time. I was blown away. Yeah, just folding their arms.

It was like more than five people. Yeah, I think the problem is like these people maybe are from or adjacent to Lithuania, and this is their one moment in the sun. And they, what happens is they get told that they don't have school. And I told you to leave those Lithuanians. alone. No, you didn't. You didn't say that.

You were the one that said that. You were the way who said that. Y'all wouldn't listen to me. Kevin, you're lying. I'm saying the Baltic Empire is going to rise again. Actually, that was dubbing. Chevin stands with Lithuania. Chevin's from Lithuania.

Yeah, I can tell. Yeah. He's the best basketball player in there. And he's insanely racist. Just a little bit. It finally got... It's against the finish. It finally got warm.

I'm warm. In there? I'm warm in here. It probably smells crazy in there. No, it does. put on deal with you got your two what can I smell you turtle sweat you want to it smells like a super I've eaten turtle that shit's crazy no you know you'll know what I mean when you smell it I promise you take a sniff dude I farted earlier and I was like

this smells like a shipyard I think he said shipwreck oh yeah shit you farted earlier and Ingo didn't move he didn't and then he said it's actually sad he doesn't do it like he used to he's trying to find the only way to retaliate that you might actually get it's right and he's Because if I dropped a fifth of my power right next to him, he would scream out of the room. He would run out of the room like a fucking Call of Duty zombie. Leaving a hole the shape of him in the wall. So don't try me, bro.

I'm not trying to you. I don't have the mental gas mask to take it. It's not good in here. I just don't believe it smells good in there at all. I promise you it does. I don't. I don't smell bad usually, except it's my ass. Excepts my ass.

Those smell bad. Excepts my ass. That's sort of a case of my ass. Such is my ass, dude. Yeah. That part don't smell good. No, you don't smell that bad. I'll give you that.

Are you done with baseball? It's just the off season. You don't think about it anymore. You don't give a shit. It's the off season. Shohay Otani is getting his limbs drawn and corded by motorcycles from a cartel gang,

and you don't care anymore. First off, no. They tied each of his limbs to a buck and Harley-Davidson. You're telling me they're doing. in a show hey. Yes, I'm telling you that straight up. We cannot threaten the lives of very powerful people.

What are you talking about? It's not his light, his, he can live it. You just said he can't live it. Shohei could live it. Okay. Here's the, Joe Hay can take it. The World Baseball Classic's coming up. The WBC?

Yeah, and it is. No way. It's coming up in March, yes. I can't wait. The White Boy Classic? The White Boy Classic's coming up. And it's going to be a big one this year. It's every kind.

It's like the World Cup. All the countries. Isn't just the All-Star game? It's Kosovo versus the world. No, no. It's countries. So it's like United States as a team, Japan is a team. Wait, the United States team's got to be pretty good.

They got second last time. To who? Japan. Japan. No. What fuckers? The U.S. team didn't have all their good players. Also, the U.S.

is pretty good, but there's also a lot of other really good teams. We lose or get Shohay? It's like melee. Does Russia have a team? We don't get Shohay. We don't get him? Obviously not. He's Japanese. Wait, no, he's from L.A.

You think Shoy's from L.A.? Yeah, he lives in La Caniata. He's from Oita. That's in Highland Park, right? Yeah, he's from Oitah, Highland Park. Any guy who's driven on the freeway next to Eagle Rock is, that's from L.A. He used to frequent Kuala and Diamond Bar. No, most people actually who even have a small claim to a different

country would leave the U.S. So you're born in Mexico, but you've been living in the U.S. since you were seven. And you play for Mexico. You play in M.O.B. since the day you turned 17. You're Mexico. You play for Mexico? Yeah, 100%. I kind of like that. Even Freddie Freeman, who's born in the States, whose parents are Canadian, plays for Team Canada.

Wow. That's interesting. Why do they want to play for the other teams? His is like a, he just wants to homage to his parents. It's like a pride. Yeah. But I think for a lot of them, it's like a challenge, maybe it's It's like, you know, also pride. Like, it'd be like me choosing to play with Team France. Yeah.

I have my... Or Sweden. French pride. That's what DuPlanthus is doing. You know that guy? Yes. He's the guy who keeps breaking the Polval World Record. Oh, yeah.

He signed up because he was born in the U.S. He grew up in Louisiana. But his mom's Swedish. Now he fucking does it for Sweden. He said, fuck them, Cajuns. And they pay him a hundred rack every time he breaks the world record. So that's why he breaks it by a little bit each time. And it's kind of cringe when you do it the other way.

Joel M. Bede is, I forget where he's born. Cameroon. He's born in Cameroon, lived in France most of his life, but played for Team U.S. And everyone was like... He is a U.S. citizen. He is. But some people are like, oh, you left, like, you raised in France and you left the French to go play with the fucking powerhouse.

Dude, if we got rid of world borders, there would be no need for the Olympics. Oh, dude. That's why we need them. And that's why we need war. Well, the Olympics would have to be defined by a different classifier. I think it's just... Maybe skin color. The Olympics could just be...

The color Olympics. Now we're talking, right, Chevin? That's almost a race war. Wow, Chevin. Wow, Chevin seems oddly excited about this. This could kind of work. You know, I got some people in Kosovo who would love the race race.

Your team, you just make your own team. It'd be open sign-ups. The yard would be in the Olympics. Dave Chappelle did this? Dave Chappelle did this. Oh, he did the racial draft. Well, that's, you'd have if you're doing a race race you have to start drafting. That would be a part of it. Yeah, that was it. You know Bill

Burr's in that sketch? Yep. He's one of the announcers and he's got a lot of hair. Yes, sir? Well, you should get Northern Lion to commentate a baseball game. Um, why? Because I think he'd be great at it. I think you'd be good at it, but he'd be good at a lot of things. But I want that for him. Okay. I want it. Okay. Ryan, I know you're listening. A professional one? Yeah. No fucking minor. No, no, minorly bullshit. Come on now. I actually might like that more. Imagine him doing the kids baseball game. Let's have them commentate the Savannah Bananas The Little League World Series

Actually be really funny Or the Koshay in Japan The Kosei What was that? In Japan At the end of high school They have a big tournament Every year the Kosei

A single elimination tournament With every high school in the country A tournament of what? Baseball Okay Dude Shoha was bad not that And it's single It's single elimination

That's lit It's a brutal tournament Do they play a third Huh? I wonder? How you seat a single Olimm tournament of every high school? I think it's probably like regional that expands and then like you're seated nationally

after like doing it regionally. They actually just hire Connor Kelly. Yeah. And it's and it's a brutal event because you'll have like favorites and but then they get upset by fucking Cinderella stories and you have kids who are throwing 200 pitches in a game because that like it's the last time they'll ever get to compete.

That shit's falling off the bone like the Gucci back there. Their arms get fucked up. Damn. So let's get an orderline to commentate that. That'd be really cool. Hey, hey. I'm not you're listening, dude. Do it.

No, I don't think there's structure enough. Can we do it in collegiate sports? Collegiate sports, we're pretty successful at it. Ducco World Series? Kind of the same thing. But is it divisioned out the same way in Japan? We're like, in collegiate sports, you only do that with like D1, right?

Like you're not... Yeah, yeah, but like, I think it's probably pretty similar. Like, I think... Because we have a really good collegiate system. I mean, it's kind of fucking sloppy. divisions, but... The size of our country stops us from doing cool shit like this a lot. It is a little...

It is a massive country. It is quite big. And there's 50 little countries inside the country. I think D-1 sports operate pretty well. Japan got a lot of people, though. Japan has a lot less people than us. I guess they got fewer people. They got like a third. They got a third. Fear babies. And it's smaller says he'd get around.

I can go on Shinkansen. We can't. Can't. Let me ask you something, Edon. Yeah. I'm not talking to you. Yeah, what do you want? What's up, ma'am? Four and a half. Is it okay if Chevin's is sitting on this? Is it okay? My friend Chevin's here, he's going to sit down on nice?

Chevin's got a, Chevin can sit in. Five, five, rock. Sorry, five, five, five, four and a half, saw. Born and a half, saw. He likes interrupting people. It don't change much. Genuine question, not for Chevin. Not for Chevin.

Tips like a balloon. It's for Chamin. It's for Chamin. It's for Chamin. Chamin. What if A-Trak dies horribly? Who do you choose from one of us? To take his place on L.S.

Oh, my God. Chevin's free. And we're all enthusiastic. We really want to do it. Chevin. I don't think. It's Chevin Slimer, Nick. Our sponsors don't like you, Chevin.

What? We don't need sponsors where we're going. They don't like your posts on X. We're going to rugpole. Yep. Yep. Yeah, you were bench pressing with Nick Fuentes the other day on X. We're selling lemonade sand.

And every grain is one corn. Lemonade sand. Lemonade sand. You think Adriog dies in a visceral accident? Yeah. Afraid train. I pick one of you three. Yeah.

You would have to. I'd pick one of you three. Why do I have to? All three of us are kneeling in front of me. Well, we would make you. Because everyone, because all the other viable people are gone too. You are the king and all three of us are kneeling in front of you like in Akira Kurosau film. And it can't be just me and Doug now?

No. No. You really watch that. Oh, who is it? Because we expect, we expect to secede into the role. Right. So if you don't pick one of us, we'll all plot to. overthrow you. Okay. So for political reasons, you actually kind of have to pick one of us. Wow. It's just, it feels so

It feels would it be? I mean, this is the plot of the movie run. It just feels like Chevin even though he's the most racist of the three of my god. Well, if you're what a missionary If you're playing a chock, you want to have a racist on there. Yeah, if you're playing a extraog, you want to have a racist on there, bro. What a three-minute missionary answer. You guys would be horrible. What are we talking about? I'd be amazing. Why me? Huh? Why me? Because you wouldn't have any input

that would be related to what they talk about. Yeah, I don't, but they do the input thing and I do, I'm salt and pepper, I come in. This is the problem with Nick is somebody, so we finally have an important guest on. Like somebody would roll up and then they'd walk in and then Nick would be in the corner, what if I had a pussy? That's his problem. That is slime's problem.

No, no. I'm not. That's what you would do. That's what you said. I said, what if I had a piss. But not to a stranger. You would say to a stranger. The issue is you'd have like the professor of economics from Cambridge. This time and be like, so what do you fucking do? What do you even fucking do? What's the fuck's a professor?

Professors would love that kind of language. They love people fucking meeting them on their level. I don't think so. No, no, it's the opposite on this show where we have to prep. Oh, so you ask the questions. AKA flush. A.k. And you had to suck a little econ professor cock on the show.

Oh, you have to swirl on the glands. He has squirt on the glades and have the Shopify CEO on and be like, and it's, does it make you feel good to swirl on the glands, penis? And, and Chavin, Nick's disgusted at what you do. Look at his face. You're making it glisten. Do you realize that? Do you realize that? Do you realize that you're making it glisten?

When you swirl on the glands? You're making a glisten and make little noises. I would argue the funniest version of the show. There's a bubble. I would argue the funniest version of the show is with Nick. Nick, Nick makes the funniest version of the show for three weeks after Atriog dies. And then, and then they're all like, the viewers are just like, wait, this is how I thought it was. This has, this is the show has too much freestinely on it.

Wait, this is just the yard two. This became the yard two. That's what the lemonade stands fan sounds like in my head. Yeah, they do sound like that. This is the yard too. I actually don't really like this. They're just fucking around too much. I want to hear them fucking economic.

It's like that. That's how they all sound. Why are they? Because they're all heaving. They're all heaving and out of shape. They're heaving. LS fans are classically out of shape. They either were nine,

they weigh 90 pounds or 600. Let me say, Chevin's with you. Kevin? But the pot shouldn't be talking about the kettle like that. Chevin will be good if we want to expand the rumble. I always talk about the turtle fluff,

not even the tongue. They were, dude, the fans were creaming. Yeah, you looked hot as fuck last episode. They were creaming about me last episode. Yes, if you dress nice so you'll look better. It's the word. the worst I've ever looked in my life physically and they were craming out.

You just dress up a little nicer than normal. Drop it. Yeah. If for once in your life you wore something that wasn't your beat sneaks and your tight looos in a graphic tee, you would look hot. How would we dress him if we dress him? I would genuinely. Daily, daily, daily.

I'm telling you, that's what I said last episode. I would pull up Cam Newton and I would just fucking pick one of the Google searches and paste it on them. No, it wouldn't be too cartoonish. Yeah, it looks like he would look so hot. Sick fantasy is just it's just you in a Mumford and Sons music video In a in a barn I dress you up like you're a new member on queer eye Going to town on Linus look yeah look up queer eye real quick

Take your pick honestly that's such a general certainly what is he gonna look up look up queer eyes You just want to see gay men Okay click that first that second one yeah that guy in the left yeah I would go I would a host I would a hundred percent give you that well they're all the host nick oh I thought the guy on the left was the guy no no they're all the guys I only know the guy on the left I only know the guy in the middle. You address me like these guys? Yeah.

The dude on the right looks money. He's got the pirate thing going. If you had the outfit on the right? Wait a minute. Pause, enhance. Holding hands. Holding hands. Yeah, they're gay, man.

Holding hands. Okay, holding hands on the black man. That's so fucked up. They are not holding his hand. To be fair, it doesn't look like he wants to be holding hands with them. I think he's just stunting. I wouldn't want to either if they didn't want to hold my hand. Yeah, I know what you mean.

Because it's like, you don't fire me, I quit But he looks fabulous You don't gay fire me, I gay quit I gay quit And I'm gay quitting this show I'm going to gay LS I'm guessing you've never watched Queer Eye Yeah, you're watching it like when I was a teenager

I'd love gay LS Yeah you would huh Gay LLLF What would that change? It's already gay as well It'd be just me Just you? It'd be just me

I'd listen to a solo Aden podcast I would do that Because I'd just be the same thing But after Doug You haven't even listened to the solo Aden episode of this show. I would listen. I'm saving it. If I could, when you eventually go off to white paradise and I mean, we don't even fucking

talk anymore, we don't even fucking hang out anymore. You'll hang out. And it's all, you're gonna be in fucking a different country. You're not gonna hang out. No, when you're in, you're talking about how there's Tony Muslims who are coming in. It's over. It's once you go to Sweden. Chevin, you can't make.

Because I'm with you on that show. I would pay, I would pay them a monthly subscription to have a little microphone that you wear right here that you don't even think about. And I just want. to hear the things you say to yourself throughout the day when you're just like I'm gonna be like

I'm gonna be at home typing I'll be like I should I would hate that Aid's upset about something You hear the sound of the world's biggest bull hitting the desk and you're like Oh he got fah You got fah

He got fah It's like It's just gonna be like Swedish fah probably hits Like shit Oh my god It's probably great It probably tastes like garbage

All right guys The best food in Sweden Is the people who move there Who make food Yeah Well I guess it's the US too Guys, we're going to go to the Patreon episode Where we're shooting right after this

So it's going to suck really bad I hope you enjoy your stay Wait, but we're going to tell you who we've been talking about All this time The whole time we've been talking about We'll reveal it on the... It's a big secret Yeah, and the Patreon episode And he's going to get squeamish again

He's going to be disgusted again We can't keep it in, yeah Watch me keep it in, watch me And we'll watch you With the camera in your room Make you keep it in Bye