The Yard - Ep. 244 - Exploring Hong Kong

Episode Date: April 1, 2026

This trip to Hong Kong has been a complete disaster. I recommend just watching this episode on YouTube, it is not really a great auditory experience. Hope you can enjoy this (temporary) departure from... our normal serving of weekly Yard. love. -Nick Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:02 The trip so far has been a catastrophe. If you're listening at home and you're not watching, we are in Hong Kong and we are sitting in a public park, it's very beautiful, and there's green water and fish and old women walking by and men in trim polo and Aiden is not here because he is fatally ill. We are spending the day we are going to walk around Hong Kong searching for items in which to heal our friend because he has caught honestly again something so great he said no it's like I looked it up it's a new type of flu that you feel really good and then two days later you die so again sorry but also not sorry for this the the
Starting point is 00:00:54 abnormal episode of the yard today hey if you're not already a Patreon subscriber there's another hour of me doing this alone yesterday because because slime was late to the country and Aitem was sick so if this is your bag baby maybe go to the Patreon and you can watch me do it alone which I think I'm gonna, I have a small feeling this one's gonna be a little more awesome. But wait, do you say stop? What's the first rule of healing? First rule of healing?
Starting point is 00:01:27 Do no harm. I'll stop you right there. It's been correct. The first rule is you must find a container. You need some sort of container to place the, the place the remedy inside. I guess we do need a remedy bowl. Is there a remedy bowl that we could, there's a Bose store? What about headphones of healing? Headphones would be nice, but we would be nice, but we would be.
Starting point is 00:01:47 have nowhere to put them. What about is it so instantly I feel like if we earn get that rich we could earn maybe a bowl but I don't those don't look like bowls those look like they're not but I mean we should just go check I'm just already thinking like this is something that we can like oh lebobobobo of healing right there that guy that's the lebooboo of healing that's clearly the l'bubu of healing that's why it's such high demand does anybody work here this is just an unmanned claw store It's cool.
Starting point is 00:02:18 I'll say this. They should have these in school. I like this place a lot. I like Hong Kong. I think I could live here. Is that too early to say something like that? It gets wet. And you hate wet.
Starting point is 00:02:30 It gets extremely mucky and wet. And I don't think you'd like that. All right. But I don't think you're too sensitive to weather, really. There was a woman on this screen touching her breast a bunch. The first objective. We need a vessel. Find a container.
Starting point is 00:02:46 Yeah. Okay. So these are all kind of like upscale stores, right? Yeah, this whole side, I was kind of here yesterday. This whole, Labubu. Rich, it's a Labu. The Labuuu has a little bag. The Labudu. What did you say earlier, you and Atroc developed a rap group or a boy band?
Starting point is 00:03:05 So Atch was really into this bit of asking me to rap with him, which I tried to explain that if we were in some sort of group, it wouldn't make sense because he'd have to make all the beats and be in the background. Backround, not seen. I'd write the music. I'd be the rapper, of course. And we came up with our group name. It's the 10 fuckers. We fuck tens, but we're also 10 fuckers. There's 10 fuckers. I just got that.
Starting point is 00:03:26 Yeah, there's 10 fuckers and they're all 10 fuckers. That's the first line of our first debut track. It's like the chain smokers. It's like the chain smokers, except it's different and more crass and harder to say in public here. And Atriac is a back man of a 10 person group. He's like, he's like this. Like way back there. What is illegal? No! You got it. Hawking is illegal in front of the Masjid's gate.
Starting point is 00:03:56 You really hate to see the law just clamp down on people. Well, what if this is a clue? Hawking. Hocking. Hocking. Stephen. Hawking, we need some sort of device. No, no, no. Hock Tua. We need some sort of l'bubu.
Starting point is 00:04:10 We need... No, no, I think... I think I understand. Cat Cafe, but it's way up there. Is there? Look, it says, cafe but it's way up there but it's way up there yeah so there's a real Rolex store I would like I think one of the perfect items of healing would be a
Starting point is 00:04:24 fake Rolex they have those these guys are around you have to find one there we have to find a spawner a little cage you have to find a we have to find a little and we have to break it yeah hold on okay it might be a vessel in here can you see this sign this reminds me quite a lot of healing okay look look look okay I'm this would help his feet We're gonna need this. Crazy cool body water? Crazy cool body water.
Starting point is 00:04:51 This is what we will spray him with. I like that. This is gonna be full body coverage. We're gonna spray him with this. Rich, I'm fairly certain we're gonna find a basket of healing in this place. There's gotta be something. Some sort of vessel.
Starting point is 00:05:04 The Lord vessel. What is this? This is the lion's treat. We found the lion's treat. This is the lion's keeper. It's a lion's keeper and this is the tiger's treat. I'm gonna need that. Copped.
Starting point is 00:05:27 What is this? Horse oil cream? What must they do to the horse to extract its cream? Rich? I don't understand. I found another. This is horse oil cream. We're gonna need that.
Starting point is 00:05:44 We're gonna need that. We've got them so many tinctures. I think this is a good start. I think we should grab this. I'm bag. You guys don't have any sort of containers or anything here. Do you? No, okay.
Starting point is 00:05:56 It's all good. Thank you. This will do. This will do. Okay. But not quite the container. I mean, it's a vessel, right? It's like a basket or something.
Starting point is 00:06:07 This is an interesting idea. It's a carry out. And we just pack it full of shit. I think we do that. Do we get a big one or a small one? Should we get it now? I think we should get it now. We have to get it now.
Starting point is 00:06:18 I like yellow. Yeah. But there's something about the metal, the metal one. The gun metal. That says nothing, nothing could come between me and this healing. You know what it says? Indestructible. Hi.
Starting point is 00:06:29 Can I get this please? Okay. See, my card doesn't tap. So, awkward alert, my card doesn't tap. I keep having to say to people here, uh... Maybe later. Hey, um... Can I insert?
Starting point is 00:06:43 Thank you. And I'm hoping that that's going through English-wise in a way that they don't feel threatened by. The lady was like, she looked up at those dresses. She's like, one of these? I was like maybe later. Well, well, hold on. You might need, I know we've been talking a lot about a suit of healing. Close your eyes.
Starting point is 00:07:01 Envision Aiden, first nude, then underwear. Now put him in an outfit of healing. Immediately, was it a suit or a dress? It wasn't a suit. It wasn't a suit, wasn't it? All right, well, let's put this into the vessel of healing. Wait, can you make... Archie's not editing this.
Starting point is 00:07:18 It's us. Archie. Me, Archie. I want the operina of time. I'm chest opening music. We found the container. We found the container. It's a big deal. That's a massive deal.
Starting point is 00:07:34 It's a massive deal. I feel free now. I feel like I can, I could put anything in it. We have so much, we have to pack it full of healing tinctures. Maybe we take off the plastic of, of torment. Whoa, canned Pocari sweat. That's a vibe. Look at that.
Starting point is 00:07:49 That's an Instagram picture if you want it. A can of sweat, man. Good shit. I feel, I do feel empowered, right? Like, we could put anything. thing in this thing. I'm noticing the problem with these is that they're clearly real. And I don't think that real Rolexes can heal because they're real and real rhymes with heel. So why wouldn't it? Because it's a double negative. And that's a double
Starting point is 00:08:18 on top. It's a magnet. I haven't had while here by the way, I haven't had like a really complex snack. What the fuck is that? I want like a really complex snack. What are you talking Like imagine an ice cream that has all sorts of textures and layers. Let me ask you, is that the kind of shit that you like? Yeah. Come up a... Yes. One of my biggest gripes of traveling with Nick, and it's not necessarily a fault of himself.
Starting point is 00:08:40 It's a fault of me being intolerant. It's that he's so particular. He's a particular bear. Let me ask you a question. How was your breakfast? It was fine. It was great. I had avocado toast.
Starting point is 00:08:50 You can make that with your butt. Okay, hold on. I need you to keep your eyes peeled because yesterday the man selling Rolexes was standing right here. Okay. Wait, there's a jollybee. So what? They have spaghetti. The spaghetti of healing?
Starting point is 00:09:03 That might be... I didn't want to say it, but... I'll say this. The first time had Jollybee was when me and Ludwig did, like, ranking fast food. It was the worst shit I ever had in my whole life. There's hot dogs in the spaghetti. To be fair, it was from L.A. and it was cold. But I'm like, what are we doing?
Starting point is 00:09:18 I want him to organically hand me one of those. Well, then you need to... The thing is... I'm going to walk casually. He's walking around. He knows you're hopeless. No, no. No, he'll hand me one. I don't think it's gonna have.
Starting point is 00:09:36 Why not me? What can I have? You're a... It's because you're a hopeless man lit. I should try again, I think. Dude, all right. You want to see? You want to see what a true fitness...
Starting point is 00:09:50 Yeah, I want to see. Oh yeah. Yeah, he's gonna hand you one, man. I need you really quick. Don't turn around, don't look now. The Rolex man is here. Okay, I saw him. He's behind me.
Starting point is 00:10:05 Rich, I need you to go over there so he doesn't suspect anything. anything and I'm gonna walk by him like we walk by the fitness guy but he will sense we need a healing watch okay we will start a conversation so with me walk with me trust me let's turn around now we're gonna walk by the man with the phone and he will ask us if we would like a Rolex I'm trying to look like a tour it's him no one who cares why does no one want to offer us thing let's stand right next to it is the mics I'm not I already have a lot you stand close you came back to me watch store dude I
Starting point is 00:11:00 I could use a watch. I'm not... I'd be kidding. I can use one so bad because I... I don't care if it's real. I never... The problem is I never have one. You know what I'm saying? Only I just had something to...
Starting point is 00:11:16 I understand the time in a way that was a little bit inaccurate sometimes. He's going left. I feel genuinely disrespectful. God, fucking damn it. Okay, we'll come back to that. We'll come back to that. Okay, we have tinctures, which is the first stop. We need items... Uh... We need items that emit energy, right?
Starting point is 00:11:35 Like, a Labubu, for instance, is a good thing. I like where your head's at. I like where you... No, name one thing like a Labubu. That is not a Labubu. Pokemon. That's different. Pokemon can be used for combat.
Starting point is 00:11:47 Okay. Yeah, I'll take that. It's a Payless guest house. Payless. Is there any sort of like a sauna or healing room? You got sauna? Sona at steam? Hot spring.
Starting point is 00:12:04 No, no, okay. I'll still take it though. That's okay. I'll still take it. What does Payless room mean? Is that for horrors? I didn't take you in there and fuck the damn shit out you. You couldn't handle me, bro.
Starting point is 00:12:16 You couldn't handle backshots from me. I could handle them. I just wouldn't like them. Hold on. Let's go in this alley of pondering. So I did take a picture of the suit place, and I can geolocate from the image. Using the image. Recognizable landmarks of the suit place. So let's see. Okay, the suits are that way. I don't think it's on that side. I think it's wrong. I think it's on this side. I think it's right here. Let's go up. Where's the man? He was just here. He walked away. You're looking at your phone. Oh. I thought it was maybe like a more of a magical. There's no magic. On Deread, too. You know Sam Haltman didn't pay for that round either. You know he's in trouble. Annie.
Starting point is 00:13:02 We're cutting that one now. We did. We did. It was a court case. Wait, is that a Batman toothbrush? This is perfect. No, this is perfect. We need this.
Starting point is 00:13:13 Because he's going to have the sickness inside of his teeth? Or Minion. That's the decision. And this is important. Because one molecule away, Adderall, the other molecule, crystal mesh. Does yours have a tongue cleaner? It's the same thing, I think. It's like the same thing.
Starting point is 00:13:27 They both say tongue cleaner. No, this one's six plus and this one's five to nine. I've been nine. Well, we need six plus. This one will stop working at age nine. You're right. Good eye. Can I ask, what are these?
Starting point is 00:13:38 I think it's like a pig ear or something, or pink skin or some sort of... Yeah. Can we just get one? I think we should just buy one. Yeah. But do I just take it? I don't know, does it go in a bag? You know what?
Starting point is 00:13:48 I'm just gonna take it. Oh. This is insane. Let's check out now. Time to check out. Hi. These two things. Together.
Starting point is 00:13:59 Yeah. Dude, I think we shot scam. What was it? How much was it? 700 Hong Kong dollars. We just paid $70? Yeah, 700 Hong Kong dollars, which is... Yeah, he just ran our pockets. That's 70 USD.
Starting point is 00:14:29 Yeah, for a Batman toothbrush and what I think is a pig ear. But this is for healing, so maybe it's because it's a doctor, I don't know. because it's a doctor item it doesn't smell like anything no no save it we can't we can't indulge you're right you're right I know we stupid at me I feel embarrassed I'm embarrassed that I tried it's got it's got to go in the container dude our breakfast I think every meal we've eaten hasn't been that amount that we just paid I'm not getting go go go go to the suits all right well first let's go here dude being a doctor is like like hard work It's hard work. You have to go to the store.
Starting point is 00:15:19 Do you think we could get the listening to the heartbeat? I like the big metal thing that's on their head. What does that do? Doctors don't do that anymore. They don't use that anymore. That fell off. We've been thinking a lot about what the first steps of healing are, but we haven't been doing a lot of thinking on what are the first steps of becoming healers. This is our first kind of day on the job.
Starting point is 00:15:41 Yeah, I think, well, for one, it's a mental reset, right? We've been so, we've just wound up. What? The idea gallery. What is this mystifying song? I think this place sells items that don't give you any material slots, but they do really high physical damage. Well, did you get any ideas? No, damn it, no.
Starting point is 00:16:09 I just, we need it... I can't get off the fake watch. I guess we could drop my watch in front of him and then we could be like, my watch. Do you want to go back to the watchman and do that? La pooh-boos! Stop, no, no, no. Wait, wait. There's all sorts of wares.
Starting point is 00:16:23 DDM watches? What about DDG watches? It's not right. No, we need a man to sell us this. There's a Coke spoon. What's that? What's that? The Rolex Coke spoon is money in the bank.
Starting point is 00:16:35 That is amazing. That's what you serve him with. We have to serve the horse cream. Is this place open? Maybe I should drop my watch in front of the Rolex guy. I think that's... Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:16:46 Because otherwise how we get a time piece of healing? I think that'll work, Rich. You have to be more inconspicuous. You gotta be across the street, okay? You gotta... You fuck this up, Rich. This is your fault. Your fucking piece of shit.
Starting point is 00:16:57 Rich is our producer, by the way. It's funny, he was telling us this morning, we love Rich, by the way, but he was, he's vegan, and he was telling us that one time he went into a KFC just to get the fries.
Starting point is 00:17:08 And the guy, like manager of the KFC came and sat next to him. He was eating the fries at KFC, and he sat down, and he gave him a box of chicken. He said, he said, today you get chicken.
Starting point is 00:17:18 Today you get, he thought he was homeless. That's how bad we think we think of it. It's the funniest thing you've ever told me. Because he's just a normal-looking guy. Out of all the people in a KFC, you look at the most homeless. Okay, Rich, I need you to get a vantage point from across the street. There you go.
Starting point is 00:17:39 I got scary. Is he still there? Oh, man, I wish my brother didn't die with my watch on his arm. Like being like... He has some shit like... I wish my brother didn't die in the war with a watch on his arm that I gave him. God damn it. He never came home with a watch.
Starting point is 00:17:57 He got incinerated with it on his damn wrist, I guess. Here it is. What's this? This is the suits. Oh, fuck this up, Rich. Hello. Hi. How are you?
Starting point is 00:18:09 Good. I'm looking to buy a suit. Ideally something that's maybe brown healing properties. Oh, that's nice. We are different colors. Sorry, I misspoke. We actually, we need it for today to wear it yeah do you look for something really made you know okay do you know
Starting point is 00:18:37 anywhere nearby that might have that yeah we're here um we're here for a wedding but our friend he he he uh he fell ill and and wasn't able to come out but he needed a suit so we're we're out trying to find a suit for him while he's healing uh he's about my stature maybe like uh two inches taller maybe like 20 pounds lighter rail thin yeah very thin guy Now in the Rish then. Wait, wait, is this ready made? Yeah, this one is ready made. This is jacket only.
Starting point is 00:19:04 I do like it. I do like. We need brown. We specifically need it from the top. The beginning. Can I try it on? But this one is speaking to me because we came for the brown. Okay, we'll take this one.
Starting point is 00:19:22 We want this. It's a classic kind of jacket. It fits to anything and everything. Did you make this? Yes, sir. Wow. You see, it's made for one of a clients. He made a lot of a client.
Starting point is 00:19:31 like slacks before and then now he had up the jacket because the quality is so good. This is his number. And for you also. No, thank you so much. Try on, never mind. Try it on, come on. Right, I got long arms.
Starting point is 00:19:42 Yeah, I can see that. I travel to US two, three times a year, measure up, make here ship over. Oh really? Yeah, yeah. He's like the Italian guy. Oh yeah, traveling Taylor. Traveling, we are here, of course,
Starting point is 00:19:53 our workshop is here, everything is here, but then we travel because, you know, like a lot of clients, I make for Paul Pierce, you know, from Los Angeles. He's a Saltex box. Oh, Paul Pierce. Yeah, yeah, wow. I made for him a lot of suits.
Starting point is 00:20:06 Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's perfect. Nick. This is actually getting one for a basketball player as well. My friend, this is for you. I think I want this. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:14 You think you want a suit? Really, why not? You see? There's no reason not to get this. Do you think he needs it? Every man should have a nice, one nice suit in the line. I think I think I need this. One this one for you also?
Starting point is 00:20:25 No, just this one. Yeah. Try on. I just tried it on. I just this one though. It's just for our friend. He's here and he's very sick. We want something that'll make him feel. I want this one.
Starting point is 00:20:35 Yeah, that's you. I want it. I want it. Okay. This one, the brown one. And the cufflings of healing. I don't know how you find me, but he wants some. You're a big deal.
Starting point is 00:20:46 I feel like the suits find them in a way. Right. They find their way. Yeah, it's, um. Do you think a suit can heal somebody? Who's that? It's my grandchild. Oh, so kid.
Starting point is 00:20:57 They're adorable. This gentleman from New York. He's a, he worked in finance. finance. Of course he does. That's one of Wall Street, the bloodthirsty Wall Street, he made three jackets and doesn't shirt. He's got connection. The connection is like you are here now, you are my connection. Yes, yes, yes. That's how it is. I mean, I'm your tailor. Taylor goes to work, make the best clothes, end of the day, like jacket fits you good, it makes me feel happy.
Starting point is 00:21:21 I like that. Yeah, our friend is sick. We're out here buying a suit for him. We're hoping that when he puts it on, he'll instantly feel better. Yeah, you're dressing a nice suit. It takes over it kind of his energy because he's very daunt right now he's very sickly he's like he's like weak and like bones the human we need to have a moral support yes so yes I think he's he's lucky guy you have a he has a good friend like you guys I've said that protectors okay hey we got to get going okay let me pick this up yeah let's let's let's get these suits these cufflinks these beautiful cufflings what's your name Rustan this is his house in Los Angeles
Starting point is 00:22:00 Wow, beautiful. He's in my shop. Wow. I'm in the South, St. Custle in Boston, in Celtic. See, this is what I made for him. Oh, my God. Oh, he looks money in the bank. That strawberry colors?
Starting point is 00:22:15 And you know he's wet from three. So I made him all this. You know, he's a 6-8 and he's high-te. So much fabric. All right, well, let's get these, let's get these, uh... You guys leave me for you. Serb him. Rosson, I would like this as well.
Starting point is 00:22:31 I'm not kidding. Yes, I like it very much. I would like this cane of healing. He's gonna put it on. He's gonna feel at least 20% of the staff. The staff is not, the staff is not an Aden item. He, let me, just hold it. Could you keep, like, let me hold the staff. You didn't even know, you didn't even notice it. I, I, I felt, don't want you to really touch it. Just let me, I don't want you to touch it. I just hold me, maybe later.
Starting point is 00:22:56 What if you hold the base? Let's, let's pay the nice man, but I don't want. This is, go to the first. Two jackets, cuffling. Oh, that's a deal. Because I don't know whether this is going to fit him or not. Sure. Again, like I said, whatever he has sort of rampaged
Starting point is 00:23:11 through his system and has made him very gaunt. We make good people always. But on the top, the one they are ruling us today, we need them good also. We do. Yes, yes. It's easy to be good down here. Everybody, we all need each other, to be very honest.
Starting point is 00:23:27 We all need each other. He wants both of us in the picture. So maybe I should hold this down. No, no, no, the stuff is really really a really a me thing. Perfect. Yeah, we've got a container. Yeah, we can put that in. We'll see you very soon in Los Angeles.
Starting point is 00:23:45 Your holiday, whatever it is, you have to enjoy Hong Kong. Oh, any recommendations? Hong Kong is depend what you want to do. You want to go to the side seeing. It's also convenient Victoria Harbor is one of the best place. You know, it's only $0.50% Hong Kong dollar to cross the harbor. Because it's a famous, you know, people, they do. that. Oh, that's like 600 pig ears. On the Star House is a restaurant called Jade Garden. Jade Garden,
Starting point is 00:24:13 Star House. The best dumpling, duck and all that, reasonable price. Do you mean that? Do you mean that shit? Yes, yes. And plus you will have an AI picking, taking your, you know, like a robot. The robot is taking this. AI takes our stuff from us? Yeah. So it's good. If you, if you cross the border, lobu, I miss, you're from US. You need to have a visa for that. Did you say Lubbubu? But if you live in this world, you know. We do. We do.
Starting point is 00:24:40 We have to adapt to this world. Exactly. And the good suit, that's the start. Every human has an adoption system inside. Wow. Except our friend Aiden. Pleasure meeting you. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:24:50 Rustam Khan for all your healing needs in Hong Kong. I think we found so much of what we... Can I touch? Is it my turn to maybe... I keep holding this back. I'm not gonna even mess with you. You're not gonna even mess with you. get to touch this at all okay I swear to God I'm gonna fucking get this before this is
Starting point is 00:25:09 over I'm gonna touch the staff should I wait do you think I should wear it to I should probably wear it to christen it see I know I'm wondering if you are taking the healing powers away for you dude I will fucking kill you go ahead I will point you in the stomach do you want me to punch your stomach because I will do I have fucking too do you I have two hands I never hate you before I go ahead bro I fucking dare you want me to do you want to do it's really it's gonna be a changing moment oh I'm gonna be the same afterwards we're not gonna be okay container has been contained oh by the way you haven't seen these but these are
Starting point is 00:25:40 the beautiful amulet cufflinks that we got him these immediately caught my eye and I think they will heal Aden very quickly get them in the container yes that would we go drop the Rolex or drop my watch yeah yeah yeah let's see if the Rolex man is there how can he's a business guy I'm a business guy how could he how could he possibly not try to sell us a watch the way we look I've got a suitcase you you have a staff you have a suit The thing about feeling good is you gotta look good to feel good. The thing is I feel like I'm being healed.
Starting point is 00:26:14 I hope I don't use all. You can't use all the... If you feel like you've taken too much energy, I want you to take it off immediately. It's kind of like I have a staff. It's kind of like both have them. Don't do that. You're gonna...
Starting point is 00:26:28 That's with the tinctures. No, no, it's good. The tinctures will... We got the bulletproof one. He's not there. Maybe if we go over there, he spawns? Wait, there's the man. What?
Starting point is 00:26:38 Rich, stay over here. The man in green. Perfect. You have to break it in front of them. Well, I'm just gonna drop it. Hopefully it doesn't break because my watch if it break he'll know if it breaks when I got this watch yeah yeah that watch right there it's like my favorite one yeah yeah yeah no a watch I just dropped my watch that's perfect maybe Rolex you have a Rolex how much
Starting point is 00:27:07 Hong Kong dollar you take card you can pay me from ATM how much you take card you can pay me from ATM How much is it about? I don't have that much to spend. Where are you from? America. So you are rich guys? No, no, I wish I was rich. We look rich, but we're not.
Starting point is 00:27:22 I have to replace this quickly. You can do? 150 US? Yes, minimum. 150? Yes. I mean, we just eat cash. Can you do 125?
Starting point is 00:27:33 You know, see the watch, you say 125. Well, let's see the watch. Let's do it. Let's go look. Let's go look. Yeah, usually, yeah. We have nothing on us. It looks so real.
Starting point is 00:28:14 See here. I give it to Google rotate. Okay. You're saying Google won't be able to tell. Even with the AI? Wow, it thinks it's, it thinks it's real. That's pretty good. Walking cane.
Starting point is 00:28:38 You can say, why you bought it, you cannot say how much you body. It's restrictive, of course. You have to remember each. Okay, okay, I didn't know that. Because this restricted in my home. Okay, keep the change. It's been a pleasure. Thank you, sir.
Starting point is 00:28:59 Thank you so much. We need one of these. Dude. Dude, it was the craziest shit. You were like a shower. I thought he was gonna kill us. I think what would really top all this off, if icing on the cake of healing, if you will,
Starting point is 00:29:12 is we get a little bit of pastry. Natural cake if you're feeling. Yeah, is this a good place. Should we look for somewhere else? I think this is great, but I think we need to, if we get the cake, we put it into a big bag of healing. And then we put it in the container of you. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:29:26 But we need one of those, right? So it's like, this is beautiful. This is a beautiful cake. It's like a Kirby food. I think we want to grab the strawberry. Oh yeah for birthday. Oh, the name. Oh my god, they're gonna put his name on it. Put you on it. I think maybe it's time we deliver the box of healing. Let's put some final touches on it. Apples? Pussy apple. They gotta have water, man. Should I get milk? We could just get it. Maybe we get him milk. I could get him. We need to get him milk. We should get him fresh milk with the Olympics on it. We need to get him fresh milk. We need to get him fresh milk. We need to get him fresh milk. Double source protein fresh milk. It's lactose-free, fresh milk.
Starting point is 00:30:13 This will heal him. This is good. With the horse cream? Oh, if we could pay with octopus. Ask me, it is a pretty successful day. I think Aiden's gonna feel a lot better after this. I mean, if he doesn't, then he's gonna die. If this isn't work, he's a goner.
Starting point is 00:30:31 I think if this doesn't work, whatever's in his system is gonna kill him. You need to help me. Hold on, come over here. I'll hold the staff. Let's open the bag. Just open the chest of healing so I can put this tincture in there now. Well, let me... open the chest so I can put the tincture in for Aden.
Starting point is 00:30:46 Will you let me hold it later? I don't know. So that goes in. Oh no. And then we gotta go... You gotta go hot dog style. Shit. Alright. Let me hold the staff. I don't think that's a good idea. Come on, let me hold a staff. I don't think it's a good idea. I'll just do all this shit myself, I guess. Hot dog style. What are you doing? You're making an ass of yourself. I got bad news. Wait. So we have to put it in hamburger?
Starting point is 00:31:17 No, no. No, don't. I told you how to make it work. It's so beautiful. It's such a beautiful little cake. Do you want to put the staff in? Crush it. Crush it with your knee on the bottom.
Starting point is 00:31:26 Oh, that was the most emotional I felt this whole trip. Even though I helped that guy was going to kill us in his little room. I can't believe dropping the watchword. It was... He's going to be so enthralled to see us. Oh my God. We're going to show up looking like this? Ain't that the shit that
Starting point is 00:31:45 embezzled millions of dollars from To n's shit They got a toy of the taxi that I like I'm not even kidding Is it for healing? But I don't know Is it for healing? I really like the taxis here
Starting point is 00:32:07 They're Toyota's they're like We can't get distracted Nothing that we've Well one of the Rolex is for us But nothing else we've purchased is for us This is all for him Which one of us gets the Rolex? You already have a watch
Starting point is 00:32:19 Probably me because I know more about it And I'd But you already have a watch We got two of them I don't have a healing watch. That would be a new... I don't have a healing watch for my collection. You get the staff and the watch.
Starting point is 00:32:30 I'll be fucking kidding. Maybe, maybe... You want the staff and the watch. I feel like the staff is getting in between us if I could just hold it for a little. What would you even do if you were able to hold it? I'd walk with it. Are you crossing?
Starting point is 00:32:43 If you touch this... Yes. If you touch the staff, I would get so enraged in porno mad that I'd break your legs. It's not safe for you. I'd get mad. I'm a jealous.
Starting point is 00:32:53 guy oh my god I just saw some of the most awesome fake breasts I didn't even notice I was thinking about you touching the staff and I got mad so I missed that so thank you again no rich don't look for them oh the ray bands of healing I wish the price how much are the the shiny ones six to seven thousand seven thousand so steep for him I don't know if he I mean we could can you six thousand I never would have thought of that art of the deal that's crazy that's the art of the deal Because if he just does it, that's so, it's unbelievable.
Starting point is 00:33:33 I didn't know that worked. I didn't know that worked. Okay, okay, let's do it. Thank you. That works? I'll just, uh... Wait, wait, I want to, I can wear them. You're kidding me.
Starting point is 00:33:47 Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? I would look crazy. This is the greediest you've ever been. This is actually you at your worst. I would just look crazy. Let me wear them.
Starting point is 00:33:56 You're disgusting. Can I just wear them for a little bit and then you... We haven't done it yet, thank you. Are you being for real? We haven't done it yet. Why are you being so greedy? Let me hold this half for a little bit. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:34:06 It's a whole outfit. It's a whole thing. Perfect. Thank you. You're being like a... No, I think it's a package. Okay. Like a serious dick.
Starting point is 00:34:17 I bought this staff. No, no, no. You haven't let me hold the staff in time. Okay. So when we get the cool glasses, get to get to... But I want to wear them with the staff for a little bit, and then you can have them forever.
Starting point is 00:34:27 Then let me hold this stack for a little. It's a simple... This is the art of the deal. You understand. You've seen me work now. Okay. Identical. Perfect.
Starting point is 00:34:37 Asap Rocky. Yeah. They're AAP Rocky. They're AAP Rocky, stunning. He's up. It's healing music. Wow. A crossover, his healing music, yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:45 Many would say, everything's purple. That's why I... You can wear them? Yeah. I'm excited. I'm really excited to be wearing them. Yeah. Music.
Starting point is 00:34:57 Wow. Music. Woohoo. This guy gets it. This guy gets it. Yeah. Thank you so much, sir. You're not going to wear them, maybe.
Starting point is 00:35:08 Just fucking. By the way, this can you make prescription? Do you want to make prescription? Right now. Look, I can tell you a soft-sighted. Are you? You can tell, you can tell them, short-sighted. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:20 You look like a... Thank you so much. Everyone sees your flaws very closely. No, okay, well... Thank you. Oh my God. I'm reinvented. I feel amazing in these.
Starting point is 00:35:31 That's how the... It's the outfit. That's how the staff feels. That's what the staff feels. You're right? If I could just have a moment with it, I think it would mean so- Do you want to switch?
Starting point is 00:35:40 A little bit. It feels good, huh? Oh, look at him. Oh, look at him. You! You! Here! You!
Starting point is 00:35:56 Come here! You! You! I'm power. Yeah. You! Oh, it's- The container is filling.
Starting point is 00:36:08 Wait. The Rolex is. What about them? Put them in the container. Put it in the container. Really? Yes. Can we just wear them to there?
Starting point is 00:36:19 Yeah, we can wear them. We can wear them. You want to see them? This is hot shit. Check it out. This is hot shit. This is hot shit right here. Maybe we keep the Rolexes?
Starting point is 00:36:34 Maybe we keep the Rolexes? Because you know what? What doctor without a time piece to heal with? Alright, the next time you see us, we're going to be healing A-Dacon. We're gonna be healing Aiden. I haven't seen y'all trip. You just got here. I haven't seen all trip.
Starting point is 00:36:50 He's not even a whole trip. You flying home or you're flying to Israel. Aiden, come to the door. Hey, no, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. Stay there, say there. Listen. You gotta take that. In that chest.
Starting point is 00:37:18 It's gonna make everything better. That's the healing vessel. Everything is gonna be made better by this, okay? We spent all day. No, just take it, just take it. We spent all day. Just take it. Just take it.
Starting point is 00:37:28 You're gonna go in the room. This is gonna make everything better. Okay. Are you, did you help them do this? Don't look at him. Don't look at him. He's bald and stupid. He's flying to Israel right now.
Starting point is 00:37:38 Take the healing vessel. We'll give him the... You have to give it up. Really? This is what it's for. I don't need a stick. No, it's not a stick. It's not a fucking...
Starting point is 00:37:48 Say that. You take that back. Do you understand how hard we work today? You know what you fucking spend to fucking save your life? I don't want to give it to him, but we have to give it to him. We have to give it to him. This is what it's for. Take it.
Starting point is 00:38:00 Oh, real quick. quick while we're here. What's the goat? What's the wote? Um, fuck, what's the goat? What's the wode? Um, fuck, what's the room key? Did you have sex with atrioc when you guys were in the room? No, why would you, what, no? Just ask it. And it's, I have to clear all the symptoms. As medicinal practitioners, we have to know everything that's kind of going on.
Starting point is 00:38:20 And if you had bare back sex with atriot. It would explain a lot for us and it helped us cure you. But I think we'd explain a lot. That would explain a lot. That would explain a lot for you guys? Yeah, I think, I think, I think we've covered all our bases with what please open that what would that explain that is first what you're holding so go and grab the garment of healing and go and put that on your body you're gonna want to put that on your body you want me to put the garment of healing on my oh my god you
Starting point is 00:38:47 liked it it actually smells it actually smells kind of nice please put on the garment of healing yeah you even put it on yet you actually can you take off your shirt take off your shirt for us okay yeah yeah you're slower can you sure you do it really Really slow. You need a slow? That's good. That's good. That's good.
Starting point is 00:39:06 That's what we need. It's really, it's really good. How do I keep the mic on if I take my shirt off? You're gonna put it, you're gonna put it on the garment of healing. Oh, okay. That's why we got it. In inside the container of healing, you'll see a small brown box. Look for it.
Starting point is 00:39:23 There it is. You're gonna want to open that. Oh my. You show the camera what you see. Cufflings? Do you like those? Those are the answer. Amulets of healing.
Starting point is 00:39:34 Nailets of healing. We're going to start by putting them on your suit. They're also polarized. So if you, let's say you wore one and not the other, the polarization would actually take the ions out of your blood and kill you in minutes. It would change the timeline. Do you understand that? Kill you in minutes.
Starting point is 00:39:50 What? A very nice man sold us this suit. He actually tailors for a basketball player. I'm not even kidding. Paul Pierce? Paul Pierce? Yeah, this guy makes suits for Paul Pierce. Really?
Starting point is 00:40:02 Uh, so this. So this looks like, I mean, I gotta be honest, I have no idea what this is. Ah, he's found the tiger's treat. And that'd be the tiger's treat. Go ahead and unbox that for us because we're actually quite curious what's in there as well. The tiger's treat? You don't know what's in it? No, but we understand.
Starting point is 00:40:20 We understand it. The energy it admitted was a healing energy. What is that? How would you know it's healing if you don't know what it is? Aet it, you don't know. It's a feeling. Is it soy sauce? We're going to need you to.
Starting point is 00:40:33 take a little bit of a sip of that. You're going to have to try the Tigers and Treat. Dude, if I get more... It's the only way to survive. I don't think this is the Tiger's treat. I think I need to know what this is. Just tongue it. Just put your tongue in the bottle.
Starting point is 00:40:47 Just put your tongue in the hole a little bit. There you go. How is that? How's that taste? No, it's not good. Okay. All right. Well, you've done it.
Starting point is 00:40:57 You've taken in the Tiger's Street. You've taken it a little bit of the Tiger's treat. Now you can move on for probably the next thing. Hold on. had a picture of animals on it. How bad could it be? There's nothing with a picture of a tiger. You guys have been in Hong Kong for like a day and a half.
Starting point is 00:41:08 You've been experts in Eastern medicine. So that would be horse oil cream. You found the horse cream. It's another tinct shirt. Let's get that out of the box. This is applied to your skin, maybe your chest, your erogenous zones. Yeah, so the first thing you're going to want to do with that
Starting point is 00:41:23 is you're going to want to get maybe a finger full. And we're going to want to put it on your chest. Oh. Nice. Very. Okay. Oh, the hair is really reacting well. I can see that you're feeling a healing sensation.
Starting point is 00:41:35 Isn't that amazing? I'll get to heal. This is it. This is being healed in front of our eyes. Wow. The texture is working. I think I'm... Please, more.
Starting point is 00:41:42 Another, another item, please, quicker. I think I'm healing. Ah, that will need to be sprayed all over you. That's the crazy cool guys be sprayed. We should have started with that. We really should have started with it. What is the body water? I want to be free.
Starting point is 00:41:58 Oh. Yeah, yeah. It's good. I want to be healed. I want to be healed. I want to be healed. I want to be healed. Yes sir, yes, yes.
Starting point is 00:42:04 Another one. Say, doctors, heal me. Oh my head. It happens. Say, doctors, heal me. Do you heal me? Okay, that's good. And mix it maybe with a little bit of the horse oil?
Starting point is 00:42:21 Are they playing? They play. Are they playing? Oh, the animals play. Is there play, Aiden? It smells fucking crazy. move on more grab something else from the chest of healing we need to ramp up what is this ah he found the milk the milk that's lactose-free milk quickly a
Starting point is 00:42:46 quickly open it up and take a sip sip the milk now proteins fats fats everything a growing animal needs no dairy all healing a and when we were all little babies we are sucking our mama's tits let's take a sip aiden get a mustache going dairy free Chinese milk Oh my god, that's a big sip. Great mustashing on the upper lip. How does it taste? Not bad.
Starting point is 00:43:10 He's going for a second sip. He's going for a second six. Oh, there it is. Reach into the chest of healing and grab another item. Oh, you're gonna like these. How's an ASAP Rocky sound? Have you heard of the collaboration between Rayban and ASAP Rocky? How's $500 feel?
Starting point is 00:43:26 How's $500 USD? You guys did not... Did you be $500 for these? It was gonna be six. Uh-oh, company, card. No. No.
Starting point is 00:43:37 You're not serious. AASF Rocky, Rayban, collaboration. Did you know that he made healing glasses? It's a little bit of Western healing to couple the Eastern healing. It's a global healing adventure that you're going on. And this is all aiming to save you. What is this? That's a Rolex Submariner Hulk.
Starting point is 00:43:57 We got that for you. We got that for you. We got you a Rolex. Of healing. Why would I, what, why would this heal me? You have to quit questioning how healing works. Because what happened to you is you had bear back raw sex with another man and you caught a disease in Hong Kong and now you're paying the price for it. We're trying to reverse all of that, okay?
Starting point is 00:44:21 What you did on your own time, the mistakes you made have led to you suffering. You look so much healthier already. You look healthy. Your mood has completely 180. Your mood's amazing. Do you feel that? Yes. Okay.
Starting point is 00:44:32 You've found the most. expensive item per ounce I so that for some reason cost 700 Hong Kong I won't this I will not eat this no you got to take a bite come on I don't think I can it's a piece it's the piece of it dude it's like plastic I can't bite it dude it you don't know if it's food but we know no we know it's we it's just no it's healing properties it was in a plastic bin full of other ones. Tell you what, boil some water, we'll get to this part later. Hey, sit up. Sit up. We need you up. If you throw up like that, you'll die like Jimmy Hendrix.
Starting point is 00:45:14 Ah, that is a Batman toothbrush. That's just a Batman toothbrush. Um, that really does not have a healing property. We just kind of maybe thought you'd like it. Do you? Yeah. Is it? Is it? Ah, yes. Oh my God. Ah yes. Uh, right. So, so. you're gonna need to go there soon what put that over for us you pay no money that's the yeah the moneyless housing yeah moneyless housing it's like a sanitarium I think they have a room I think of healing is this a cake it's a cake yeah it's a cake you got me like any cake baited oh my god careful you have horse cream on that hand there it is it looks so pretty and read what it's set it's so smushed it doesn't
Starting point is 00:46:03 I'm gonna be, it doesn't say anything. Ah, it might, it may have shifted in the box of healing. Happy birthday. And what's the name say? It doesn't say anything anymore. I can actually see, I can vaguely see an end. Because the old Aiden was sick. This is the new year.
Starting point is 00:46:22 And he's clean slate. You love it. And feel as old Aiden washes away to the sands of time. Old Aidan is being, is being melted inside of your body and deposited into the head. Say, I banish him. I banish him. I banish him.
Starting point is 00:46:36 Yes. I take another bite. Take another bite. Take it more. More bites. More bites. All they do is gone. I banish him.
Starting point is 00:46:44 Only he gone. I want to see you take a bite. I banish him. It's a new a. And I watch myself. I eat cake. You say I like and I want to be clean. And I'm not sick and I'm coming up to your guys' room right now.
Starting point is 00:46:58 No. No. No. No. Well, thanks guys for making me feel better. I feel like I'm a new... I think I can do great things with this one day. Aiden, we also have to break some news to you.
Starting point is 00:47:12 Oh, God. What? You're going to have to do all the ad reads. Now that you feel better, that's your punishment. You've got to record all the ad reads for the episode. We'll send you the copy. But we're definitely not doing it, so... We did all this shit today.
Starting point is 00:47:29 We did it's recorded all day. We, like, handled everything, so... signing off. Bye. Bye.

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