The Yard - Ep. 245 - We Went to China!

Episode Date: April 8, 2026

This week, the boys are in China! The boys talk about their experience so far, Ludwigs journey travelling tip to tip of China, and how the police visited Ludwig and Michael.. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ludway will, we've held out with him for like five hours right now. And he does this thing where he'll like casually, he'll be like laid back. And he'll like bust out this like what sounds like flawless Chinese because I don't know any. And then I'm like, wow, he's done it. And then the person he's speaking to will just do this. Yeah. Look at him like he's just drooled all over himself. It's so.

But he gets there, dare I say. He does get there. So, okay. Welcome to China. Welcome to China. If you saw we were on a boat. we ran into some chop. We were going to do an episode on literally a boat in the water.

It was so perfect. We found, I mean, the chop found us, really. We're scrambling around all day, looking for a film location. We see the boats.

We're like, that's going to be perfect. We get on the boats. We get into the water. And then the chop came. So, like, the boat, like managers,

they're not cops. They just, they take you to the shore if it gets to windy. They come by and they're like yelling at us. And Ludwig's like talking back to him and stuff. And they had like this exchange. And I'm like, Ludwig,

what did they say? He's like, oh I don't know they talked for what felt like five minutes and Ludwig said I don't know what they said walking eyes

it's not only paying attention he's like doy do it do it oh yeah yeah do it

ah ah ah that is I have master the art of making them think I know what they said and they they see five

they see five Warren get on the get on the fucking lake and they activate the chop and

what's the word Schwagwan What is it? What is Schwiguan? Swaguan, Shwaga. Shwaguan. Shwaguan.

It's what you say hello to someone handsome. Five Shwega get on the lake. What's handsome again? Shwiga. Shwiga. Oh, right, right. I thought it was white guy. Do you know that one?

What's the guy gen equivalent? It's not white. It's foreigner. Weigua. Oh, yeah. Ah. See, hey, there's a very high possibility, high chance during this recording that we will break equipment.

Things will fly around. Something will go wrong. This was our last chance. So we're walking, we're like, okay, figure out. These guys fly out in like a couple hours. Like, how do we do this? And then a man is standing in the doorway of what is the number 21 bistro? The view and chill.

Called the view and chill. A man is standing in the doorway of the view and chill. He's looking at us. We're trying to figure out. And he's doing this. I looked up and I saw the sign and I went, huh, view and chill. And Ludwig just walks in. Like he couldn't have helped it.

Like, that was his sleeper agent call. Dude, and shout out. They gave us a whole roof to film on. Yeah. I was obviously generous. They hooked us up with some food. I had happy-faced French fries like BJs in California. You come to Beijing, check out the viewing channel.

She was like, you should come tomorrow. The weather's bad today. I'm like, we're here for one day. I think she's laughed at me. I was like, you're lucky. And then Ludwig's using Chad GPT to have a conversation with this woman, which is immediately a surrendering. You don't get to see that on tip to tip because he doesn't have a phone.

And then the Chad, guy in the phone is like, sorry, you've ran out of tokens for today. He's like, okay. He's like, I thought I had pro. My name is Aiden Calvin. I'm going to to Sam Altman. No, no, no, no. I'm going to do that. You don't need to make a joke of it. I'll do that.

Sam, we're going to say, bro. It's good to be back. It's so good to be back. And I love that we're all here together. We are back, bro. This trick. This trip has been a fucking disaster. The trip has been a disaster, bro.

Speak for yourselves. I had a phenomenal trip. We had phenomenal trips. But once we came together, it became a disaster. They uploaded an episode of Lemonade stand on, was it Billy Billy? Uh, the bill, somebody ripped the episode and then translated it. Translated it and uploaded it in like three different parts. What are they calling you bald too?

Hmm? Bald? No, he blends right in here. I've been walking around. you actually have like maybe the longest hair dude I don't translate it it's like the tall the tall gay looking one makes some great points

he seems to be the soul of this podcast there was one guy I'm like scrolling through billy billy comments translating them to see what they have to say and see if there's any haters on the Chinese side at the internet there are there are it turns out there are his haters are funny though

I've seen the comments on tip to tip and it's like it says like he is like a calm ape or something like that. Like they have like very like funny things that they're calling. They've been calling me Captain America. That's good. They've been calling me Jim Carrey.

Dude, I found it something fucking hilarious. There's a nickname for the people like the kids on social media that try to circumvent the censors. And because a league was, it was or is so popular here. A lot of league terminology is like just leaked into everyday life, especially online. And they call the people that like try to tow the line around the sense. and figure out what you can and can't say, tower divers. Oh my God.

That's clever. That's clever. That's good Benak. Do you think if I did tip to tip, maybe with like Nick, we, I could, they make call me volley bear? You guys, so I watched your vlog. Were you upset with that? We kind of did it better.

First of all, it's not a vlog. It was definitely some other shit. It was some shit. We already know that shit. It was V-Log. And you guys wouldn't last three days. Do you see us hatch the plan? Without.

First off, great plans. I love them. The plans were good. But you guys are just getting scammed, left and right. We did not get scant? What are you talking about? We hit a friend. Could that possibly be a scam? How do you get scammed? You don't know how to haggle? You don't even consider doing it. I don't know how to haggle.

No, are you kidding me? No, you did it. Those ray bands were really expensive. Have you seen the ASAP Rocky Rayband collaboration? Yes. And do you realize that I got a thousand Hong Kong dollars off? Is that a big number to you? Think about that part?

Bro, it's like you see the price. It goes minus 80. you're like, that's a good deal. It's better deal than we need that now. Maybe five days into rural China, broken men with Rolexes covering their arms, no money left. It's like a cyborg. Nick struggling to see why no one has a vanilla latte for him. It's actually been quite the opposite.

They got vanilla lattes. He's been to Hong Kong in Beijing. He's been to Hong Kong in Beijing. Yeah, I brutally verbally beat down a woman from $3 to $1.5. That was unbelievable. Fighting her. Imagine telling that woman how much money you make.

It ain't about that. She would respect it because it ain't about how much you have. It's about how much you know that's worth. Dude, Ludwig said he haggled the guy who gave him a ride here and the guy was just complaining about it to himself while driving. Fat American. He was like, I don't feel love the game.

He's like, I'll give you a rich shot ride 50 yuan. She's like, $8. And I was like, I was like, I was saying. I was like, I was like 30. I can't do more than 30. And he goes, he goes 40. I go. And I walk away and he goes 30's fine.

30's fine. Let's go. The walk away is, is level one barter moot. And then he's in the rickshund. He's going, I make the locals pay 50. But I paid him 50 after.

I paid him 50. I do. I do have these scenarios where we were, we were taking the car like DETIs at the beginning of our trip. And we were getting like 30 minute rides for like 25 yuan, which is. like fucking $3. And I'm like starting to do the math, like the cut out of like his pay on this, his time.

I feel like guilty doing it. It doesn't make me, no, no, no, no, no. We've gotten so, you, our Uber prices used to be insane. Remember, remember Uber, remember Uber share and you'd have to just sit with other guys? Yeah. In his dream. I remember my dad's first for my journey. My dad's first time getting in an Uber, he didn't know what that meant.

So he calls a pool on accident and gets in one with a guy who has. like the flu and he's like hacking and then he just told me he's like Uber sucks. They put me with sick guys. He was ahead of the wave. It does suck now. Yeah, uh, it does blow my mind how cheap China is. No, this is the chop. Listen to the chop.

It's crazy. This is what happened to us. I did. On the waves. When it, when the waves, when the wind like really picked up and we were on the boat and there was kind of like it, it got really hard for a second, but then it got even harder. and we could not move the boat with the little engine that it had and it started a rock. I was like, dude, if we flip with all the equipment out here, you're not going to flip, bro.

You're not going to flip. As a captain of the vessel, I knew we were not going to flip, and I knew that you would be a childish. We have a strong captain, bro. This Shwiga up front? I'm not going to worry about it. I almost do you in the brig. Okay? The brig would have a well.

We got a YGOO brig for people like you. Is Swahua the noun that you call somebody, or is it like a person? like a swaga is a handsome person. You're thinking too much about it, man. Yeah, you're being an asshole. Swigga's what you want to be. He's a swigga, man. He's a swigua.

Okay. And right now you're kind of talking like a waggo. On God, too. Can you not be both? Yeah, yeah, you can. He's right. Oh my God, do you guys see this? It's unignorable.

You have a blown out white hair. Yeah. You're stressed out. That's some sputs. I actually thought it was a piece of fuzz. I think it's some sputs. I think it's just sputs. No, schmuts.

No, it's some sputs. Oh, it's sputs. Dude, I actually think it's ash from my cigarette. Oh, okay. We saw some minor attracted French people in the damn Hong Kong restaurant. I was so surprised. Slim just heard someone speak French. This is what's going on.

He's telling you he saw people speaking French at a breakfast. A very nice establishment, and they were being very nice to everyone around them, yeah. But they were clearly minor attracted, just visually based off the way they spoke. No, no, okay. I had this bit. It's lemonade stand. And I want you to jump in on this. You've been having Michael for like 20 days.

great. Love Michael. Different sense of humor. He's more forgiving, but I want to throw you in the shark tank. It's a bit. It's lemonade stand. But Atriac and Doug have found out that Aiden is a non-offending pedophile. Not offending.

Minor attracted person. MAP. They'd be cool with it. He's my fucking friend. He's my fucking friend. I don't know. Do we just get them off the show? Claude.

Claude. Claude. What do you do when your friend is a MAP? Sorry, MAP. This is the data is from after 2014, so. I'm not offended. He's not offending. What do you want me to do?

He's not offending, Widewell. My fucking friend. Maybe, maybe it's just whatever. Like, it just blow around. So should we just kill every French person? The non-offending person, should we just kill them? This is the kind of stuff we were just like talking about. Wait, we just, we just talked about that walking a store, spent 500, honk, honk out.

Lots of healing. Those were healing. Those are doctor items. Yeah, dude, we literally. became health gurus and you're downplaying it. It's disgusting. It's just crazy because China's the cheapest country I've ever been to. Like, people talk about Japan so cheap. Hotels here are on average like $25. It's absurd. And then and then you guys are out here just drop in a thousand you want. Number one. Number one, Hong Kong special administrative region.

Yep, true. So chill on that. Okay. Number two. Yeah, we spent a lot of money. But the thing is we did it better than you could ever have done it. Is that true? How about this? Everyone close your eyes. Okay, eyes have been closed. Open your mouth. I mouth is open.

It's hard as talk and keep it open without ever closing it. This Shweig is ready for anything. Okay. All right, but I don't like the mouse. Close a mouse. Close a mouse. It's closed.

All right. This Shweggen needs it from you. Put your hand out. Put your hands out. Put your hands out. This most handsome Greek man. It's heavy. Yeah, yeah.

Hold it. Did you give me a tungsten rock? Okay. This one is for you. What is this? Wait, don't look yet. And then this one is for you. Okay.

Okay, okay, I got you all gifts. Okay, you guys can open your eyes now. Take a look. Oh, wait, mine's the one who can't see. So I got you the one who can't see. Right, okay. Funny all. It is four eyes.

I got you the one who can't hear because you'll fucking listen. The headphones or one thing at a time. And I get you the one who should speak less. Why? Because that's what the monkey does. It's so cute. Yeah. It's very cute.

Thank you for this monkey. What's the say on the bottom? On the bottom, it says Hong Ludong. Is it monkey? Not translated. How would I clean my monkey? Huh? What if it's Monday?

You don't clean the monkey. I can clean your monkey. Okay. If you come out of my house, I'll never clean your own monkey. Never clean your own? The traditional, I would spit shine your monkey. That's the traditional way to do it.

You got to spin on your monkey and clean it, but if you clean your own monkey, you're going to lose all the luck. Oops. My friends are keeping it clean. This Shwaga's got a monkey for everybody. So anyway, enjoy your monkeys. Thank you for my monkey. That's very cute.

You're welcome. I'm going to ask you. Thank you. A little bit of a rosebud thorn moment for your tip-the-tip journey. Dude, a lot of it. RBT, if you were. The first thing you said when we got in that boat, oh, I got stories. That's what you said.

Because last day, some shit went down. We can't put it in the video. Won't it be out by then? It's a week from now. We can't put it in the video. It can't be even in the video. But he can describe it to us. Yes.

I can describe it. You got shit that you can't put in tip-to-take. You give me a monkey and you go orally about it. What? Like what? Like any stuff between you and Michael? I hit a car. No.

You got hit by a car. I hit a car. It's crazy because you're on a bike. Yeah. So it's crazy to hit a car, meaning you were the one who kind of offended it. I was a bit of an offender. What happened? I wouldn't know anything about that.

You will, because you're not offending. I'm offending. I'm offending. I'll tell you what. Yeah. Yes. Hey, Aiden, with a little bit of advice

as your attorney, don't lean in to the bit. You should adamantly reject to the bit. You should, yeah, you should believe.

I don't understand. I haven't. We're going to keep running it, but I haven't done anything wrong. I haven't done anything wrong. I haven't done anything wrong. By the eyes of the law,

I have not done anything wrong. Exactly right. And lean into that. Legally, you're clear. So what happened? Uh, so basically,

I was driving. And, uh, it was like, a super tight under a bridge tunnel backed up. Imagine like 40 cars. Moped's driving through, people walking through. It seems like the most bustling,

like you might imagine, Indian Street. There's 100 people. And we're driving our bikes through this. We're like, I don't know what we're supposed to be. So we're driving our bikes through it. And it's real tight.

And my bike's wider on the back than the front, which is weird. Well, it's like your body. It's like your body. It's like your body. It's like how your body is. It's like how your bike is.

Maybe that's why you're drawn to the bike. Why is the back of your bike jiggling? Is something wrong with it? It's jiggling as you ride. Well, it's because I had three cases on the back. Okay. For like carrying and shit. I see.

And so it made the back wider. So usually when a motorcycle, your handlebars are the widest part. You can see it from the front. My butt's wide. So I'm driving and I'm driving and I go and I get, it's like a little squeeze. I'm going real slow. Hit a guy's car. Oh.

And guys driving a beater. All right. And I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, fuck it. And I look at it. And there's nothing, there's nothing wrong with the car. And I'm like, I'm like, shit. But I'm like, you know, I didn't make this because he's yelling at me. He's yelling.

I don't know what he's saying. So I, you're going, uh-huh. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Do it. Do it. Oh, yeah. How old.

I'm like, well, I know what solves this? Money. So I pull out just a hundred, a hundred, a hundred you want. How much is that in American dollars? It's like $14. It's actually worse than giving him no money. A hundred you want covers a hotel voice. Disgusting.

It's like licking your thumb and going through the same one dollar over and over. It's all that. And I'm trying to hand it to him. I'm trying to say sorry, sorry, sorry. But I kept saying Bukuchi, Bukuchi, Bucchi, Bucci, Bucci, which is you're welcome, you're welcome. Oh, bro. Why can't you put it in? Uh, why can't you put it in?

Put what in? You said you couldn't put it in the video? Uh, because I hit a car and I'm yelling you, you're, you're, you're, welcome it. I didn't make the call. This is like, this is the editors. You don't make the call. You're the thudwig off. I don't watch the videos. It's Cam's fault. I don't watch the videos. That's the whole point. I don't fucking make the...

Oger's made the call to take out the most interesting shot of the day. That's disgusting. That's the operation he runs. They were like, hey, you come off horrible in this. I guess there's the one watching it. Watching it eyes bagged cigarette is obvious. Yeah, yeah, but what actually happened when it's translated is a guy's car

get hits. Yeah. And he's like, well, you've hit my fucking car. And I'm going, you're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome. That's so fun. And I stay there for a while, but another guy comes in. He's like the director of this traffic. And I understand him because he just goes, he goes, Like, you're good.

You're good. You're good. Go ahead. You're good. And he turns the guy. He's, you're, car's a beater. Oh my God. Speaking of, we told the story right before you left of the Armenian guy and the delivery guy.

I heard, I heard. And basically, that guy did that. He mediated the situation in a way that you would. Yes. And I'm, I like that. I like how nobody said the N word. Maybe. I mean, you've probably heard it.

Yeah. The Chinese, what is it? Well, so there's, what is it? There's Juga. Juga. Okay. For this. And then there's na.

Gah for something that's that. The pause. It's, you ought to have a pause. It is unfortunate that one of the main. that one of the main words. It's also like a thinking word instead of um. Yeah. Yeah.

They'll like stutter on it and say it like a few times in a row. And certain dialects because we drove all across certain dialects. Me and Mike were talking about this like doing, you know, etymological forensics to find out which Chinese province says it the most accurate to the N word. Because some of them, some promises you drive through, it just sounds like they just rip it. But I discovered another one, a lesser known one. Oh, really? A rare cop. If you want to say, like, if I took a picture, like, because a lot of people just ask for pictures of me,

because I'm white. Yeah. That's fun. Because I'm a waggle. And then, or I'll take a picture of them on, like, my digie, and it'll be like, send it to me. And that's fa. No.

Good knee. Aiden, please. All together now. Fucking me. That's good. Send it to me. Send it to me. That's how bro.

That's with Aden's in pain Oh man Language is so beautiful It's beautiful I mean that's what I think When me and Nick did the thing It was a couple days ago As we record this

But it was very fortunate that Hong Kong is like A weird like British enclave Like most people just speak English So we were able to Yeah we didn't mean anyone who couldn't speak English Like haggle and like You gotta think the opium wars for that one Yeah and I

And I do every day. Every day I thank them. They burned down the summer palace. Oh my God. The British and French teamed up. They hate each other. They teamed up just to come and ransack China so that they would open their borders for trade. And they did.

They did. The Japanese took back Hong Kong during World War II. Did you know that? They took back what was theirs. Well, that's not for reason like that. Hold up. They took a lot of shit they shouldn't have taken. But then the British came and took it back in World War II ended.

So they took back what was theirs. And then China took it. And then China turned into a new special administrative region took back. There must have been a staff involved in this somewhere. Maybe in between all these places they were all gunning for. Because the staff becomes, it gets between us all. I mean, it does, right? Because it holds immense power.

Yeah. Dude, I had to. The staff from the video that healed Aiden, I asked for it back because I'm a doctor now. And I really wanted to take it with me to fly from Hong Kong to Beijing. And it's a really long, annoying item. So I tried to mail it. I go to the post office in the airport in Hong Kong. The guys like we stopped mailing shit to the U.S. a year ago.

It only documents. I'm like, fuck, okay. So I go to check in. I have my carry-on bag in my backpack. So I'm not checking anything. And I'm like, hey, I need this. And this lady, she's like, her English isn't great. And she's, you know, she's being very helpful.

She's like, oh, why? And I was like, like, leg problem. She's like, It flies like walking with it. And I'm like leaning. So Nick, Nick and Rich have loved. to go food and and I'm sitting on a bench and I can I'm like across the atrium from Anthony and I can see him at the counter miming this like I'm not close enough to hear anything but I can

clearly see the whole interaction and I'm filming it and after he explains that he is a leg problem he leans over and starts using the cane for the rest of the interaction like yeah I remember after you have to tell her that and so and so the lady was like okay and she does a lot of typing and it's a tense moment because our producer Rich actually had like an error in his name and they had to wait 30 minutes and to get his ticket so it's like things can go wrong it feels like it's a tense moment she types

she's like okay I'm sorry I had to change your seat you were in an emergency row but because you're handicaps I need to put you in a different seat and I said thank you that's very considerate and then I walk through security with a limp the entire time are you not using translators because I feel like you guys just walk up

places and you try to just English smash in Hong Kong we didn't even everybody spoke English I'm saying here. Here? We haven't really been here. But yeah. Okay. I use a translator for like breakfast and stuff.

I use one all morning. Feel really helpless. Dude, we, we had an interpreter for the entire lemonade stand trip. You're a little baby. You're a little bow bow. Fucking amazing.

That's what you sound like. Multiple hour interviews with people. And then you said, Perry, get your fucking ass up. It's time to record. They worked him to the bone. We went to like a nine story mall and he had to go throw up in the bathroom. At a nine story mall.

And it's a child. chop chop look at well-fed rich gets KFC oh well-fed rich he gets free chicken rich gets fucking chicken and perry don't get shit no no Perry don't get shit oh Perry was fine Perry was fine he's the lemonade stands to that and stop hey next time you see him don't talk to him don't ask him any questions I'm tired of you guys talking to Perry if he makes eye contact with you you tell me and I'm not offending dude I uh I was walking through the mall so we had to edit that episode. It was like an old summit event

where we had to do it all that night. It was really annoying. And Nick's like, I need a mouse. I'm like, okay, I'll get you a mouse. You guys were dumped the footage. They were dumping the footage on my phone. You're Dan. He's Cam. Yeah.

No, I was, no. No, I'm Cam. I'm Dan and Cam. Yeah. I'm like still slime at BTS. But I have to go through this mall that's attached to the hotel. And I don't have my phone

and I have to find a mouse. That is my job. And I'm walking through. And these two high, school kids go slime and I'm like what and they flagged me down and like dude and they're like geeking out they're huge fans this one kid's like dude I saw you beat the ender dragon and I'm like that's awesome this is about Barnabas this is crazy you about Barnabas and everything and they're and I was talking to kids I'm like are you guys busy because I need help and they're like no they're like

they're like Starsruck I'm like kids you busy yeah I need some help you're gonna help my friend is not offending but I need you to help me find him I'm not offending and you need to help me find a mouse kiddos so we did we walked through this mall and they're like asking me all these questions i'm giving him insider info on tip to tip okay and uh we get there we get a mouse i have my phone or i don't i'm a phone i have my card i pay for the mouse and i'm like nick also wanted boba do you know a boba spot i'll get us all boba for your for your troubles so help me we go we find a boba spot it's four bobas the lady's like a hundred hong kong dollars which sounds like a shitload and nothing and she's like she's like uh tap and it doesn't work she's like

I'll only cash her octopus, and I just look over. And I'm like, and the kids bail out, bro. You got to help me one more time. And I'm just like, ah. You saw me kill that ender dragon. How much was that worth, kids? I was like, ah. But it was cool.

And then I told them I'd shout them out. So shouts out, guys. So they basically, you just screenshot picture, Archie, screenshot picture of slime in them. They got a picture. You took advantage of them. I didn't take advantage of them. No, they were impressed to me. What's their name?

This is actually great. and Andrew. He's paying them back with the shout out, of course, but also with free merch from you. I told them, I was like, I felt so bad. I was like, bro, you know what? I'll tell Aiden to get you a merch code, because I felt like shit. Okay. Because $100 Hong Kong

dollars sounds like a lot. No, for no. No, for Muggle. That's coming out of yard pocket. That comes out of yard pocket. It's a code. Okay, tell them then. Samuel and Andrew, tell them to the cameras. Samuel and Andrew, you're not getting it. I don't give a shit. Sorry, I really tried. I don't give shit. I really tried. Please don't hit

up for any help on support because guess your replies okay hundred Hong Kong dollars is not it's like what like 16 bucks it just divided by seven sounds like a lot I don't know like what it's a hundred 15 15 yeah the seven thing's a little off because I use the divide by seven thing for the the the pig ear we bought which is actually fish mall I learned from a lot of comments and uh I did the divide by seven I'm like oh my god we spent 70 dollars went home actually we spent eighty nine dollars it was even more wow wah wrong or Hong Kong dollars different than R&B presumably in their exchange rate? The exchange rate's similar, but not the same.

My one complaint about Hong Kong is It plays. You're there two days. Tell them. And I'm an expert. I can speak. I think you'll actually agree with this. Not a single bathroom I used had a bidet. Oh my God. There's no bideties in all of China except for one place. It's actually so... The World China Hotel.

I think it's so funny. No, dude. This restaurant. Dude, our hotel that we're... Well, I don't even know if you're going there today, but the hotel we're saying it tonight is super nice. And I got in the room. I saw the reday. and I was like, oh,

and I just sat on it, and I just let it ride for a little. Yeah, I fed the toilet breakfast. The bathroom situation is, because in Hong Kong, it's actually immaculate, because what it is in most of mainland China

is squatty potty with no toilet paper. You have to carry around your own tissue to wipe your ass. You got to hear the thud. You got to squat to shit. You got to hear it go. We use those. Okay, don't slap your tongue.

They do have a lot of squatty potty. The squatties aren't bad, though. I shouldn't win night one. Yeah, but I'm bad at squatting like that. Yeah, that's fair. We all are. Oh, bad mobility. We're all bad like that.

I squatted this morning. I got bad squat. I don't do it at it, bro. And then I don't carry around. I was not prepared. I'm carrying around tissues. And also, because I've been sick, dude, I've had diarrhea for like six days. Oh.

You had mud, you had red butt. Dude, I've been, I've been, like, fighting. I've been finding rats in my body. I've been, I've been exercising the fucking, the ghouls and the rats. Bring the monkey with you. Let them watch next time. Dude, there was a moment. But he can't hear it.

He doesn't want to hear what's happening. No, but he'd love to see. It was really fun. I was someone who would hate to see. The first, like, two days, I was in the hotel room with Atriac, and I was having so much fun because I have to get up to go shit every, like, 40 minutes. And then I would scream in the bathroom and, like, talk to Atrioc while I was in the toilet. Yeah.

But I had to. And then you hear three, five, four, fun. Egan? What's wrong? What's wrong, Agen? Are you okay? I had to shit so much that this just wasn't fun anymore. Like, it's like, you're having weird fun with it.

I'm on, I'm on day three. I'm out, I'm out of bits. My asshole hurts. Aidan had the shit really, really bad, and he's like, he's like holding his butt as he runs up to the hotel room, and he trucks in the shower. And he's like, dude, I just got to go. And he goes in and he just shits while Atriarch's just in the shower.

Oh, my God. I can't imagine the smell in there. Like when your dad does it. Yeah. Because, look, me and Aetrog had to wash his ass for him. We've already, like, we've already been to, like, bathhouses and stuff together, right? So I was like, it's an emergency. It's an emergency.

Why is it so funny to me, bro? I don't care if I see Aetriog naked. Have you seen his? Have you seen the pinot? Yeah, multiple times. And I knock, and I'm like, I really need to go. And he's like, yeah, yeah, it's fine, whatever. But then I sit down and I'm like, I'm like, screaming.

And I'm like, Atriac, it's like squitting. Kriok. God, bro. I went to the hotel. I remember playing Slate and Spire on my laptop. Was it like that when you got the FP? Dude, it was

like everything inside my body, my body is like, get to get it out once. So I threw up like crazy, like everything that was in me. And then me and Michael were two different beasts. One of us only shits,

the other one only throws up. He was the shitter? I was the shitter. Oh, you were the shitter. I threw up initially, like twice. And then I shit. trash can like six times. Yeah,

I did throw up in a trash can in a public street. And it was just bread? Is the theory just the bread? Oh, the gong and bread? Yeah, it was the gong and bread.

Shit. That's the theory, at least. I've never heard about getting sick from, I've never gotten sick from bread of my life. No, me neither.

But it had like a little, like, paste inside. Oh, it wasn't just straight bread. Yeah. Do you think you got spiked? No, I think what it was

is just like day old bread that they were keeping out because the price for it was three for a dollar 30. Dude. And you're like, well, a deal is a deal. I think it was just like super, super spoiled. You know what, but genuinely, you know what I think, and I don't say this to harm you,

I think one of my favorite videos you've ever put out, ever, is you just riding your bike in China for an hour saying nothing. It is so serene. Unoffended. It's an amazing video. You always get hit. Huh? In that video.

You don't fall asleep to it. At the way end, I'm like, we're on the side of the road. We're parked. A fucking car. Like, we're past the white line. Drews into the white line. That's scary, bro. You do a free stream on that shit?

That guy almost fucking killed my ass. Did you notice in the moment? Or like, do we, yeah, yeah. You hear it in the video, I go, whoa. Shit, boy. Do you think after this trip, you know how with Japan, you kind of went through that Andy drops his toy moment? You don't want, I don't want to play with it anymore.

You're done, you're done. You're done. Are you done with China after this? Never going to talk about China again. Of course, of course, daughters are playing again. Oh, Japan's back in season. He's going to go right back to Japan. Right back to the Binchett Doyers.

No, I think, I think first off, I think I want to learn about Chinese. There's so much I don't know that we just, we were only questions, no answers because you can't look shit up. Yeah, and you really learned everything about Japan. Yeah, Japan, I got it all. I watched the Bill Warts video. I'm good. It's an amazing video to this day. And there's not a Bill Warts.

What? There's not a Bill Wards. It's like there was a guy in there. Did you just rip? Yeah. Don't put the mic down there. It's like a speaking man. Oh.

Dude, I got hit by it. I'm going to hit the locals. You're going to hit the whole deck. Don't try it. Don't try it. Don't try it. I want to try it. I want to try it.

They're right about everything they say about our country. Everything they think about us, they're completely correct. I'm in a taxi yesterday. Me and Michael are going and just get some Beijing, Kauya, because he's been feeding for it all trip. Some Beijing tail. What did you say? Some Beijing Kauya.

Peking duck. Oh. He's been feeding and we haven't no spot does it really outside of Beijing or like a big restaurant. So we're on the way and the cab driver's talking to us and I have a translator and like I hear what he says, but there's a buffer before the transitor hits and we're like, oh, he must be asking about like where we're from. And then translator's like, so what do you think about what's happening in Iran? And I've been 18 days dry off a phone. It's developed. And I'm like, what's happening?

Turns out It's been getting pretty crazy It's been heating up I thought it was just the Ayatollah and done No no I think that's what they thought too It's actually the opposite Yeah

Sounds like they're going for thirds and fours If you want to hear more about that You can head on over to No no no You can head over to non-offending podcast Yeah Like I think it's

Take a look at the map I think it's important It's important to remember that we're all non-offending offender. All three. Everybody is a non-offender until they're not. And at any moment.

It kills me so much. Okay, I have an idea. It's tip to tip. This is your next destination. I've already mapped it out for, I've talked to Dan, talk to everybody. It's you and Michael in Switzerland, tip to tip, on the search for Nazi gold. Wow, that's good. We had to keep going until we find it.

Until you find any Nazi gold. I think we would have a very disappointing end. What are you talking about? You would find a trove of it, all the skulls and shit? You think we would find it. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'm with it.

I'm with it. Dude, it's funny because people ask for pictures. I don't know if this happened to you. Probably not because he went to Hong Kong and Beijing. Has anyone asked you for a picture just because you guys are foreigners? No, I'm not. Me? Yes.

A man asked if I wanted a Rolex. I got a proposition for sex. Yeah, yeah. Well, not proposition. I got a proposition to pay for sex. Right. From a prostitute. In Hong Kong?

You're leaving out of detail. They also thought he was a gay man. Well, no. So it was this, this woman. and she's like, are you a tourist? I'm walking up the steps to get into the hotel and I'm like, oh yeah

and she's like, you want to massage? I'm like, no. And then she's like, oh, okay, I keep walking. She's like, we have men too. I'm like, well now you got my attention.

Wait, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. Wait, wait, what did you say? So I tell her, yes, right? Walk up into the hotel, walk into the room. They say we already sent him up there. Atriog, butt ass naked. And then he covers up

and he goes, Oh, no. Oh, no. And then he leaves because he's, like, too old. Yeah. His giant is 400-pound frame, just like, oh, this is embarrassing. Do you have any food? They had to take him to his room in one of the luggage trolleys.

They had to wheel him into the elevator. So this must happen a lot. Did it happen a lot to you? Like, people ask him for pictures? Only happened once. Really? I think in big cities, like, you're just so much less enough. You just know he's going to white people.

You know, only went to tier ones. Greetings from the future. Ludwig is dead. He's gone. But the problem is, I have access to all of his finances because I have his passwords and I have all his personal information

that I still kept. You too? It was in the company and I kept it all and I hoarded it. Okay. And I might get it, but you got it? No, I got it. Okay.

No, I have it. Is this staff? I don't talk about the staff. The problem is all of his finances have all of these charges and I'm trying to get rid of them because I'm trying to get his money to make me money.

posthumous and it sucks. There's a hell of stuff there. Dude, he's got Hulu. I don't think he's ever used it. I don't think he knows what Hulu is. No, I think he thinks it's a Chinese word. We don't need to look at, we don't need to look closely in any of Ludwig's spending. It doesn't matter, but what I'm saying is there's all these things and I don't have the time to go through them because I'm busy doing other stuff with this staff.

Did you know that Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and can canceles your unwanted subscriptions or Ludwigs, monitors your spending or his and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings? Do you understand that? Again, it works if it's not mine. It works if it's not yours specifically. Yeah. Okay.

Because you have access to all his finances, but if you just download Rocket money, take all the passwords that you've put, I think, in the staff, and you zap them into the app, then you can just delete all of his Hulu subscriptions. It'll put him all in one place for you look at.

His money can start making me money even though it's not me, my account, it's his account because he's died. You could take all the money saved from subscription like Hulu or, you know, like pharmacy stuff that gets sent to his house that he needed,

that he doesn't need anymore. and you could put it into the NASDAQ. Oh my God, that's such a relief. And money will make you more money. I thought it was just going to drain him until it was over and I wouldn't be able to play those. We don't even need to mess with that though because it's like what if he was paying

for another close friend's subscriptions, a lot of stuff. Well, the beauty of the app is that you would see that also in one place. It would put those things, which he probably doesn't have. Do you know about something? Is there a reason you're bringing that up? No, no, it's just like we don't want to be too crazy with the cancel feature because it's like we might still be using some of it.

I'm going to get crazy with it. I'm liquidating it. everything. That is my right. I earned this. Okay. I earned this when we started the company. It was Mirat Sads and Ludwig and now I get everything. Let Rock and Money help you go homeless. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goes faster. Try for $0 at RocketMoney.com slash the yard. That's rockandmoney.com slash the yard. Zero dollars and this staff of passwords. Let's get back to the episode with our dead friend Ludwig. I watched a lot of tip to tip. Our experience has been drastically different than yours. No. No. No.

I think so. I mean, we went to, like, at most at Tier 3 city, like a couple million residents, you know, nowhere near the size of Shanghai or Beijing. And places we would go, it's like George Clooney walking through an Airwant. It's like everyone fucking stops. Really? There was this girl who almost fucking crashed her, like, scooter, because she's driving, sees, she goes, Weiguo, and then turns, and almost is another guy.

The guy that she almost hits turns after she says, why goes, they both get off and ask us for pictures. Neither are mad about almost crashing. That's crazy. We did with the one place was when we went to the factory that makes the clothes for Muggle Moves and the yard. And that was in a smaller city where they don't get, they clearly do not get tourists. Yeah, because it's just workers. But it's still a huge built up city. It's not like a rural area.

And literally, like we left the factory to go get food. And every single person that walked into this little shopping center where the food was stopped to look at us. How was the factory? It was cool. They'll chip shape loaded with kids. loaded just wall to wall. Well, a good thing you're not offending. Oh, now you don't like it.

No, because this is in a working context. Strong working hands. Don't bring the offense to work. You keep that for play. That's for fun. No. The factory was actually great. It was a,

all adult workers. All don't. And the owner, very, very nice. We actually got dinner with him later on in Hong Kong with his son, too. Shout out Cyrus, his son. his son. He's just like a super lit 24 year old who loves basketball and lives in America. What's his team?

Lakers. Lakers, right? Yeah. Because he grew, he went to high school. He went to high school and I don't watch NBA. Oh really? You love CBA. CBA, yeah, I'm with the Chingdao Chingdao Eagles. Is that a real team? Yeah, Chingdao. Eagles? The Chingdao Golden Eagles, yeah. That's tight as fuck.

We were talking to his son and he was like because he went to college in America and he lived in America, but he moved back here recently. And he was like, oh, where are you guys like, where are you guys from like in America? And I was, we're like, oh, California. He's like, where? I was like, I'm from somewhere called Orange County. He's like, where?

And I'm like, it's a city called Yerba Linda. Dude, he lived on my street in my child, like where I grew up. Like when you live there? Not like the cul-de-sac, but like my coldestack spills out to the main road. He lives on the main road. That's so funny. Him and Nick are having this insane moment. I'm like, show me on a map where you lived.

And I'm like, my, like, without moving the map, my house is on the map. Yeah. It was so crazy. And it's funny because, like, we're in Hong Kong, but also he, like, he lived in a location that he can't even tell other people that live in L.A. where he grew up because they don't know where that is. And he was like, oh, and there was this older woman that was just a babe that'd be walking around getting the male and shit. We're talking about my mom. This is the joke as you're saying my mom was walking around. And she waved and Cyrus was like, holy shit, you know her.

No, go on. No, not be afraid. You know. Really, double down. Bad babe. walking around. She's a babe. This camera, this camera.

She's watching, so say it to her. I'm not going to sit here and say that you are a babe, Nick's mom. You're beautiful. Is that a crime? Sorry, I'll say it in China too. Say it in Chinese.

Lock me up in China. Ni-sher, Pyong. Neish her hen-Piao-Yin. Would you guys all get up to while Ludwig was gone? Let me guess. Slay the spire.

Yeah. Jerking off with some non-offenders. Dude, it's gone. They get together. They would discord. Oh, tweeting that people. Oh,

so much tweeting. There we go. I tweet the same amount. I would always tweet. I don't like this. Three for three. Oh, you don't like it now.

I don't like being lumped in because I went on a gigantic cultural tour of the country where we interviewed people for hours. I think of the desert. Sport cities. Bob bow. It's like when you snore it,

you lose your breath at night. I'm fucking getting lumped in with two schmuck. Here's a dude. No, no, no, no, I fucking, you know what happened while you were gone? I lost 10 pounds. I became Minecraft YouTuber. I've heard this. I watched the last yard episode.

Okay. And, and I've heard you talk about Minecraft is so embarrassing. What are you talking about? What's embarrassing? It was like, it was like if Nick were to come to the pod and be like, dude, I discovered the NBA and then like listening to Nick's knowledge of the NBA, and then two guys who don't have fucking anything. So I'm like, oh, wow, cool.

No, they all thought it was funny. Right? You're like, you're like, an Elytra. And they're like, oh, yeah, an Elytra. I explained it. succinctly, but I will say. And then the warden, but you don't want to fight the warden. You don't want to fight the warden. He's scary. I think the most, the most touching thing I've ever created, unfortunately, is me flying with the Elytra at the end of the Minecraft video. It's really, it's like an ironic

Greek joke that like, that I demand, like, no, more like a Greek hell punishment. Like I demand, like, artistic, like endeavors from the world. And then the thing that makes people actually cry, literally actually cry, was me playing Minecraft. Well, grandson, yeah. We flew to Beijing and I told them about how my recreation in Minecraft was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever made. I'm sorry. They like Minecraft here. It's on every TV. You'll see in your hotel room.

I saw a little kid running around the Minecraft t-shirt on. They call it MC. M-C. M-Chi. Are they not Skellies in it? I don't know. I didn't get that because the only way I've seen it is on TV. They have some American YouTuber who does like shitty Minecraft animations and they have like 2,000 episodes.

of some story, fully dubbed in Chinese. So you know the book fucking three body problem. There's a scene from either the first book or the second book in the series that is a really intense action scene but it's recreated in I think Roblox and it's amazingly cinematic.

It's beautiful. The animations of Roblox can be really beautiful. It's like a Chinese Roblox animator and he made like a cinematic masterpiece of this piece of the book. It is unbelievable, it's beautiful. And it's in Roblox. or Minecraft, I can't remember.

Very different things, very different things. But yeah, I think your experience has been very different from mine. Yeah, 100%. I'm excited. I'm, it made me... Because I saw the real China. Huh?

Oh. You saw what people wanted you to see the tier ones, the big buildings, the flashy restaurants. You know, we're in the mud. You're in the mud.

We're in the mud. Dude, I saw the Chinese excellence. The, how they've built up their country. Uh, yeah. What you didn't see was the 207 and how they're still building that fucking road. Yeah, they got to build.

And you're driving your motorcycle. There's an excavator on the right and a compactor on the left and you're like, should I be here? And they're just go on through. I'll tell you that, look, they're sweet and they're sour with everything. But let me say this. You walk out in the hotel this morning and it was like a campfire in the air. Dude.

So, so. Oh, my God. It's good and there's bad. It's funny because you hear how bad the air quality is in China and or like that they've improved it a ton over time. And every city I'd been to so far has been totally fine. And then I woke up this morning and I looked out my window and Beijing looked like Dune.

And I was like, dude, why? It looked like a draw distance on a Nintendo 64. It looks like knocked their own toten. Like rebuilding zombie windows. I was like, okay, how bad is the air quality? And I pull up the index. It's like so far in the red. It's like in that warning where like you shouldn't really go outside.

And it's just like, we got one. You should. Here we are. Here we are on this beautiful planet. They are trying to prove we actually looked into it. They, uh, because we passed like four billion truckers. There are, I think, more truckers in China than people in Florida. Yeah.

It was like 25 million. What? Yeah. Yeah. There's like, you know, big country. Five, six times more truckers here than America. And they're all going to have to learn to code. If we sent every Floridian and every Chinese trucker, you know, and we put in a big field,

no weapons. China truckers win. you think 100% a hundred percent are you kidding Floridians without their assault rifles they have nothing you have to bear mind that

presumably get their guns you guys are thinking about Florida guy weapons he said no weapons but they have weapons obviously the Americans but you're thinking of Florida man but you're not thinking

of Boca Raton Elder a Boca Raton Elder yeah it's Florida there many many frail people what's that to a guy who's fought a gator they don't fight gators they do fight gators

I've seen some of the truck drivers bro like they're kind of beast mode Real quick though since you've been offline An update on clavicular lately, so he's actually gone to jail I'm not kidding, he went to jail for on camera...

Are you not just getting clickbaited? No, it really happened. He mag dumped a pistol into a dead Gator in Florida and now he's... Gator had to come, he's been arrested for that. Gator had to come.

My boy, Claude wouldn't do that unless that Gator says something real fucked up. And also, it was probably an offender. It was probably an offender. He didn't ask him good enough questions in that interview. So he wasn't having it.

He left. Yeah, sorry. He left that. So he stands on business. and he kills offending gators. Anything else I should know about him? So, yeah, I just wanted to keep you updated because I know that was probably on your mind the whole time.

I checked his phone in 20 days. By the way, I think you failed a side quest of your mission here with Michael in China. You didn't ask people whether or not Jack Black or Shohei Otani was more famous. I didn't do that. I also have another side mission I still have to do today. I forgot about it. What do you think, though, of that side mission

if you had to estimate based on your experience in China? I think they would know Jack Black more. It's tough because I think they would I don't think it's tough. Choio Otani has like the uniform. It's not tough. He liked the picture of him.

He'd be like in the base. They'd be like baseball player and it'd be tough for me to differentiate whether they know him or they're just looking at the uniform. Sure. But look, we watch a couple movies here. One of them was called 731.

731. Yeah. Good flick or what? You guys know about that? No. Is this Chinese cinema? Is Jack Black in it? It is shiny cinema. Yeah, it's about...

Is it like a wolf warrior? Nope, nope. Which he doesn't know about Nanjing. Oh, no. What's that mean? Uh, well, kiddo. Wait. Well, what's that mean, Mom and Dad? We watch this movie. It's called 731. It's about Unit 731. No, oh my God. Really? It's like a, yeah, it's like a fictionalized retelling of it. And it's like, it's a pretty gripping movie. They made a movie about this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I think they have a few. movies about it. But this one came out kind of recently, and we basically scroll through movies until one has English subtitles. This is one of like 30 that have it. And it's like this really harrowing tale about like a true story of basically a genocide of people in like northeast China. But we're watching the movie and they say this line like two, three times.

And it was drilled in a way that I feel like it's a thing here. They're just like, no Japanese go to heaven. Yeah, and then that was weird when you said that while we were setting up. Yeah, because me and Michael been saying it. So here's the deal. I don't think the test would be like a fun like, Jack Packer showing on Tony. Like you hit the wrong person.

They're like, oh my God, yeah, because he's Japanese. Saying that right after you give Rich the chicken. This guy we met on the train and hung out with for a while. he was very you know very pro china uh dad in his 40s had a lot to say we talked to him for a long time and he it came up in conversation that dug was going to japan after after we were done with china and he just says uh he just says bad to go to japan right now don't go to japan right now there you say why it's no he didn't explain but it's politically like they uh Takiichi, you've been talking some shit about Taiwan.

So it's the China State TV is, like, really hammering. Like, don't visit Japan. Japan's not chill right now. I don't know what that is. Yeah, what does that mean? You keep doing that. Like, okay, or good. No, I mean, it's bad.

It means bad. It's a middle finger. You're the pinky, you're the bottom. You've been doing this, though. Liu, Liu, Liu. Is that like rock out? Cool guy. Cool guy.

Liu, Liu, Latai. Cool guy. But if you just turn it, it's bad. It's the middle finger. Bad. You're the pinky? You're lower than the lowest and the tiniest. Yeah. Wow, okay. Good to know. Yeah, we've been learning some things. Got pulled over by the police. Really? What'd they say? Was it on cam and shit?

Ask too fat for the road. What happened? Dude. They roll you? Fucking bad things, man. What'd you say? We fucked up. You're fucked up? You fucked up? What happened out there? They take your passport? They asked for everything. Did they hassle you? I fucked up. Did they throw you on the ground?

They're fucking kissing on. They spit on you? Spit on you? Do they push your breasts together? And then they said, push your elbows together. They said, take your elbows touch.

That American pig, make your elbows touch. Did they take it and go, I hate when you do that, too. He keeps tapping the tongue. Yuck. Dude, you can't keep doing that.

The tongue tapping. It was a, we, we drove to Aaron Hot, which is... You keep talking about Aaron one, bro. Like, we have that already. It's the basically largest border town between China and Mongolia. Also, where they discovered the gigantiraptor. Dick. Dinosaur. Oh. It's funny. You go to Aaron Hot. You drive there. The road, there's two giant, long-neck dinosaurs on each side of the road and their heads meet in the middle. And they're just tongue fucking each other.

Oh, they're in love. Like they're tongue. But it's really aggressive with the tongue. Like they are licking each other's tongues deeply. Why do they make it like that? I don't know. You think I fucking... Dinosaurs have the best sex. You saw some turtle back.

They invented it. They invented sex. They did not invent sex. Kind of. I think sharks did. No, man. You're right. It is something in the water.

But at what point did it become sex? I feel like at one point, it was just kind of we were just splitting. What was the first animal to give head? That's my question. That probably had to be a monkey. A monkey? Whale's a monkey. Whales were a monkey.

I bet it was a whale. No, no way before that. Neanderthals are pretty old, bro. I think, like a bronosaurus sucking another one off. No. Oh, maybe. Oh, what about what the long neck sucking himself off? That doesn't cut his head.

Yes, it does. That's a good question. When I do it, it does. When I do it does, so when they do it does. Why does this dinosaur have four ribs removed? How does that? What are some of your other, you're juicy, your juicy stories? Hold on.

They're about tub at the poe. They throw them down. They start kissing them. Okay. He's her kissing his neck. They're kissing you. So, so what happened is we get to Ayrhont and it's a border town and we're there and we're like at the actual border.

And it's like a really cool. It's a label as like a tourist attraction. So like these big gates that you see and we're not sure if it's the border. We're like, is that Mongolia right there? So we go up and we're on the bikes. And then there's like a guy working on the gate. And I'm like, can I? because there's a gate blocking

he's like no and I'm like I'm like I'm a little guy when you're doing the charisma check just fails oh my gosh and he's like that's that's Mongolia uh

oh guys they're kicking us out which is totally cool so we're gonna get on the mobile and we're gonna continue this story where the cops kiss Ludwig on his lips and we're back whoa whoa look who we found

what we found I keep holding I keep like squeezing his hand I'm with the hamburger and my monkeys out This is our third You're a thruple? We're a thruple. This is our third That's beautiful. Yeah, I got into something with the Chinese hamburger Dude, do you guys know who is the leader of like the hamburger

burglars? Ronald McDonald's Shirley It's mayor McChief. Oh, that makes sense. That makes sense. He's the mayor. Is Ronald just like a lit teenager? Ronald like why do they all receive? He's not a teenager. I think he's more like a celebrity. It's like, it's like, there's a mayor of L.A. And then there's George Clinton.

He's like Tom Cruise. No, this is like, this makes sense. Lazy, like Lazy Town had had a mayor, right? But the cool guy was the, was the sporty. He was a fitness man. Sporty. Fitness was a fitness man. Also, Lacy Town.

Lacy town. Lacey town. It's a children's show. It's a children's show. It's a Lacey town. It teaches you how to like be lit. He teaches you how to vote Republican. Yeah.

Your eyes closed, not knowing what anything means. Sorry. Sorry my children's show. teaches them how to keep their bread out. Y'all mad because Lacey's lit and he's up. He is lit. And y'all ain't up. By the way, this is like the picture of us with Wirtual where it's Aden, except this is me.

Yeah. Like if I just get out. The Yard podcast. He's so straight. It'd be a better. It'd be, no offense, it'd be a better pod. You mean that? He's obviously a non-offending French man.

You guys constantly... He's a criminal. You guys constantly trying to get it on track. Nick's a criminal. You guys want to go steal some burgers? God, I can really get like a burger for free somewhere. That was a really funny bit. I'm hungry.

He's not hungry and broke. Hey, we're 200 episodes in, man. You got to stop with the burgers. You don't think this guy would burn down a forest? This guy? Okay, chill, man. That's allegedly. Damn, he needs some braces, too, bro.

He used one brace. It looks like to be... Has he always had one, two? I don't know. I don't know if this is more like a Beijing's take on the hamburger. No, it's definitely just a hamburger, bro. This is what every American kind of looks like in, I think, the Chinese mind. I think it's what every French person looks like in the American.

mine. Feel his hand. It's very like, it's weird, right? Let him touch. You like it. Let him touch slime. Oh, please. Give him a touch. No, let him touch you. Oh. Dude, come on. Come on. If there's a kids park across. No there's not. Wait. So what happened with the police? So we're your... Okay, so we get to, we get to the border, we drive up, and I'm like, is this the border? And can I, can I go? He's like, no, you can't. fucking Mongolia. And then a border

cop comes out and he's like you gotta turn around. I'm like, all right. And we fuck off for a bit. Come back like 30 minutes later. We were shopping. And we're like, we both just, we just want to have a tow in Mongolia. So I'm filming him right at the gate and

Michael dips a tow in. And then I go and he films me and I do this. I go. Malicious compliance, but for state lines. A landmine goes off immediately. Michael is in seven different places at once. Borders between sovereign nations famously not a great place to fuck around for malicious compliance. You don't treat it like the dishes at home. We were there real quick bro and here's the deal. We just we just want like and I can say now I've been in Mongolia. It's all right.

It's right. It's all right. So wait that was when you finish the trip. Yeah it's like the very end. We just we dip it we dip a finger in. Don't think about it go. We have an awesome dinner as a bunch of yurts because Mongolians have yurts because there are no. Somebody got smoked that year. Then the there's your mom's in Mongolia. And it's a nomadic tribe, so they got yurt. And they have all these yurt, little, like, recreations where they have, like, dinner. We have a family. There's a beautiful night. There's a big fire. There's a big fire.

It's like the end of, like, the legend of Zelda. It was like the end of... The end of Revenge... Yes. Return to Jedi. Yeah, everyone's going, yep. Who is the Force Ghost? It is definitely Cam off 10 Ziggies.

Yeah. And one of you's kissing your sister. And everybody's having a nice time. Yeah. Oh man dude Luke was bagging his sister That was cool And so we go to we go to bed We're like fuck man we did it awesome

Wake up the next fucking day We go downstairs Cops downstairs I'm packing all my shit They're with Dave Okay Dave's been like an editor along the trip with us He don't speak a lick of Mandarin So he looks at me

And they're like they're like do you speak Chinese? I'm like little bit And they're like come with us and they bring us in the hotel room, we gather the whole gang. And basically, they had tracked us from the border the previous night to the hotel we were at.

And they had like two policemen, and like one, I'm assuming like fucking detective, because he's like kind of his street clothes. And he's kind of leading it. Was he wearing stripes and have one tooth and maybe looking for a burger? Yeah, and he's like, he's like, fuck, I could use a fucking burner. He was in the back of his squad car.

He's like, he's like, He's like, I've already got one perp tonight. And now I got my eyes on you, American. I'm Merrimid cheese. What do you guys? You guys have any burgers on you? I'm Mary McChise and I'm not defunding the police department. But he, they basically like, they were like, yeah, we saw you filming at the border.

Like, we were wondering what you're filming. You can't be filming at the border. And Alicia's, you know, speaks Chinese, so she's handling all of it. We're just fucking dumb. They come and take a picture of each of us. And we're just sitting there. and they had tracked us down to where we were and then they were looking through our cameras and shit

and they're all formatted already. They're like, they're like, what's on it? And then Dan's like, it's like nothing. And then they look through like my diggy and they're looking through the pictures. I'm like, those are my friends. There's Michael's butt holes spread with two hands. There's a bunch of very taste.

There's Michael on the hotel bed like this. There are way more tasteful than that. Is Michael? The next one I'm like throwing up. Michael, he's deep-throating, like a long piece of bread, because he likes doing that. He does. He loves, remember in Italy when he did at the restaurant like four times?

He likes to put stuff in his mouth. He's like ate in that way. Who are like babies? So they're looking all through these pictures of Michael. They're trying to see if we have, like, if basically we've been filming shit, we shouldn't. Because you're not supposed to film like, and it's probably the most tense part

is like any border crossing. How many cops are there? There's three. There's two cops. There's one who's like kind of smile and laughing. One who's like just fucking poking through all our shit and then the detective who's like you know fucking arms Folded and he's like so what's where you're doing zan and Well, well, well, well you are hiding the Michael under the house, yeah

And we but whole man Z one who spread is in there I think I know how to find him He's pointing the guy and then and then he has to find him. I He's pointing the guy and then he has to And then he comes down with a steam bowl of rice and Michael drifts over with his nose. And I go, found him. And we can't show any of the footage, basically.

But you got, wait, you got footage of it? Who was filming? Me and Michael are filming each other, do it. Like, put our... Oh, you can't show the footage of you going into Mongolia. Oh, okay. But this altercation with the police was not filmed. No, at one point, I'm like, ooh, it might be cool to film.

I whip out my phone. Kov comes over, he goes, can't film. And I didn't even have my camera out. I go, I don't know what to say, so I go, well, the main you, you, Pongya, which is me, that's my lady friend. Because QDia texted me. And he goes, he goes, nice. Dude. But we're there for like a straight hour of getting grilled.

Whoa. Yeah. Did they leave pissed off? They left fine. They're just like, fucking don't film it. Wow. You can chill here because we're in the hotel. This is great.

Not many have probably played the, I'm not touching you game with an entire country. Yeah. Well, see, the thing about me and Nick is we're more. more guerrilla journalists than you and Michael. We don't get scared. No, no, no. When we go up to a crazy man's little room with a shower in it for some reason, we turn on the camera. The police come to me. I say I've got a plan and we're gonna hatch a plan and we're gonna probably drop something. We need a box. We need a container to put your ideas in officer. What are your ideas and we put it in our box? He's like, well, I guess I don't have a box of my ideas.

I guess my, I guess my police turns around like box, box of ideas. Is that part of everyone have a box of ideas? Tell us more. What do you know? He turns back. We're gone. Is it a cloud of smoke? It's a scoopie-air? What happened? Dude, I just had the craziest dream. What was it? What did you dream?

We were all Chinese. We were in China and we were all Chinese. And we were doing the podcast like normal. Oh no, no. Walsher and Megarand. Did it actually happen? We were at this place called View and Chill, which I felt was a very American... Boya, boy out. Oh, yeah.

Guys. Hello? You guys speak English, right? I've been struggling to sleep and I've been having these weird crazy dreams do you know of anything that could help me sleep? No one understands you Nick no one will ever understand you again.

What? I don't understand you. What? What happened to you? How did this happen to you? I can only hear Chinese but I can only speak English. What happened to you? I don't know. I think it's my mattress.

It's very, it's really lumpy on one side, that's really hot on the other side. They slept on the mattress of terror. Oh, no, it's the mattress of terror. I told you not to. What do I do? I don't know how to get another mattress. We don't.

We have healing sleep. We've been sponsored by it for years. I've had it for so long, but mine fell. You fell. Mine fell. Lucky for you. They've got a fall policy. They don't have it anymore because it fell.

And you could take, I know you could take the sleep quiz to get, you know, the best type of matter. mattress for your type of sleep. Do they have it in Mandarin? You check the box. Your first question. The first question on it is, do you want a mattress of terror? Most people check now.

You probably check yes. And then the next section on the sleep quiz is actually in the bottom right, you toggle the language that you're most familiar with. I didn't know that was there. And you probably pick Chinese, so that's, you're off to a bad start. Look, we'll get you right. You got your sleep Jones to customize your sleep. You get free shipping and seamless delivery.

in the U.S., 120-night sleep trial, a limited lifetime warranty, all this in yours, okay? Where do I go? You could go to go to helixleep.com slash yard for 20% off sitewide. That's helixleep.com slash the yard for 20% off sitewide, okay? It will get you right and you won't have these crazy, weird dreams where everything is the same language but different. Okay, well, I'm going to go back to sleep and when I go to bed, none of you guys get Chinese again, okay?

All right, we won't. Let's hope you don't wake up in a row. It's Haley.com slash the yard. It's, yeah, you can just go, just don't let it fall. How many things are deleted or can't go in the actual show? Like, do you have a bunch? Do you have a little treasure trove?

Yeah, for sure. I was like a bunch, like every day there's some shit. Like, I almost hit a dude. Do you have any unc, you have any cut jokes? Like, you're like, ah, it's a little too far. Oh, it's way, a lot. A lot? Wow, you're getting a little edgy with Michael.

A lot. That's what they did in Japan, bro. They were saying some bullshit to each other. some shit because we're talking to each other, you know, we're with each other every day, 24 hours a day. Kissing, scissoring. And it's just like, we can't put that in. Yeah.

Yeah. Can't put, same crazy shit is about Taiwan. You know what Nick said? The first day, the first episode came out. He's like, if you watch it tip to tip, I'm like, yeah. The thing is, I can't watch it. I can't watch a whole episode because I get jealous. Not necessarily of Michael, but I just wish I was there.

And so it's like the sun. I can't watch it too much. Right. But he was like, but Nick was like, dude, they're in love. I know, bro. They're just in love with each other. You just, that's your beard. No, cuties your beard, sorry.

God forbid I love them, man. Would you have to, you have to pick between Michael Reeves and Connor Dog's VA. Ooh. Yeah. Oh, between them two? Yeah. I shoot you three. Sure, why?

It's weird because it wasn't a part of the. But yeah, I get it. Yeah. No, it's cool. I'm not offending, by the way. So it's like, why would you kill you three, fuck Connor Mary Michael for sure? Yeah, that was, you don't get to do that. You don't need the triple colladas.

I've shot all three of you. I have three bullets. You have three bullets. So it's an FMKKK. I do one. And one bullet takes three of you out and then I do two more just because for slime because he's a big horse. The triple, he's a big horse. I'm just like, he's like, oh, another, please.

Yeah, there's an uncut version that you could make that would be a bit raunch. Dude, you should upload the uncut version to Patreon. Uncut tip to tip. Uncut tip to tip. You guys are tongue kissing and saying crazy words. Or straight up Billy Billy. That would be the worst sight to put it on. Yeah, because they see it.

Why? You're not coming back. You've taken back with yours already. But he wants to be let back in. Yeah, I want to be let back in, bro. I still got a visa. I got shit to do. I got shit to do. I still got to go to Yunnan. You think with Yunnan? What?

It's supposed to be like the prettiest part of China. Ooh. So you're not casting away this toy. No, I haven't been to you on. And I got a friend now, bro. I got Lee. He's fucking around. I think he's going to touch down on American soil.

He's going to have a big stinky arch, which is a new burger that came out from McDonald's. And he's going to have that. Don't let this guy hear about it, by the way. True. And he's going to sit down and he's going to be like, you know what? I did 100% China. It's over now. Well, you know about Lee, right?

Do you see that episode? Yeah. Oh, the guy with the, yeah. And it was a funeral. Interviewed by Chinese state media, too. Yeah, you got interviewed by like a huge newspaper or some shit, I guess. Oh, local newspaper, that's what I was. It wasn't even local, it was the provincial one.

Oh, that was a wholesome episode. Okay, am I crazy? Does he look like Jeremy Renner? Yeah, you're crazy. You're insane. I feel like he does. You're batshit crazy. He kind of like looks like Jeremy Renner. Am I crazy? He looks like he'd be on the app, maybe.

But he don't look like Jeremy Runner himself. Now, we talk daily. No. Me and Lee, yeah, it talks him every day. That's so fun. FaceTime last night. He's coming to the States. Oh. Lee's coming.

We made a friend too. Wait, he's visiting? How's a custom suit sound? Good enough for Paul Pierce. What about a custom suit? That's who I thought it was. You got lucky, by the way. Why's that?

Because he is wet from three. Yeah. Because that could have been Kevin Garnett. I really could have said that. I really could have said that about any basketball player. Yes. And Paul Pierce, Paul Pierce can shoot. The first day we got to Hong Kong,

we were getting a coffee in the morning. It was just me and Nick. and there's this guy in a suit sitting at the coffee shop. He's an Indian guy. And I ask him where we can go get suits tailored. Because I just kind of want to see if he has an answer and I kind of want to make conversation. And he's a British dude.

Just almost disgusted, I asked the question, I would say. Why? Because he's like you guys, like get a suit? Sort of an air of... I've just gotten here. I'm disgusting. And I was like, yeah, we need one for like a gas. We were shooting. We were gonna go to Macau.

We're only here for a day and he's just like, okay, like, I couldn't. And I immediately wanted to retract that I had asked. I was like, I've engaged with posh British man. He was kind of a British douche, yeah. So he was a stuffy Hong Kong British guy? Was he Indian British or from Hong Kong? He's British. I mean, he's ethnically Indian, but he was very British.

But he lives in Hong Kong for like six to eight years. Yeah, he said he lived in Hong Kong for eight years. The hamburger is confused by these concepts, by the way. And did he have a burger? What can you take from him? Yeah, he was a little bit of himself. The coffee shop, did it have any burgers? I don't really know what this guy's deal was,

but I think it was because we were saying like a mixture. We were being fairly confused. It was a little confusing. And he was like, we need suits. And he's like, oh, so you want a nice suit? And he's like, well, it doesn't have to be that nice. And the guy's like, so you don't want a nice suit. And he's like, well, we want it to be nice.

Leave it to Aiden to over-explain. It was a lot of over-exper. He's like, we're shooting a, and you can tell he didn't want to explain what YouTube was to the man, but he was like, we're shooting like a video. That's why you just lie. Like take a page out of me, Nick, and Ludwig's book. My first question, my first question, all I asked, all I asked at the beginning was, hey, do you know a place where we could get suits? Yeah, and that was your first mistake. That's all I said. That was your first mistake.

Also, Lulving, you lied when we were at that restaurant setting up, he kept doing this thing where he was pretending to the woman that was helping us that Nick was his boss. And so he would like rush to like put a chair near Nick and help him out. And if I start cleaning something, love was like, no, no, no, let me clean that. He's did this for no reason. He's like, he's my boss. I have to do what he says. Wolda daga. Yeah, bro, that's boss. You good by the way, you need water? Me. Yeah. Why are you saying that? Boss. Did you need boss? Oh yeah, I take water. Okay, yeah, I got you. Do a hamburger? You got a cigarette? Do you have any burgers left in there?

Dude, being here makes me want to smoke a cigarette, for sure. Yeah, man. Everyone's just like, it's like a currency. You want to try your first one? No. Nothing will happen to you. You'll cough a lot. There are three facts about China, bro.

Nothing will happen to me except addiction. Three facts. One, but everyone smokes. Yeah. And kids, too, there's one kid I met, because we're getting gas. Five kids pull up on, like, dirt bikes and shit. Okay. I'm like, damn, what the hell?

And we're talking a bit, and then they go to give me a cigarette. and they look like, I don't know, high teens, really 20s. But one of them looks like he's a 17-year-old. And so they all give me a cigarette, so then I give them one cigarette back, except for the 17-year-old, I go, I go, too young.

And then they all laugh at him. Then he pulls at a cigarette, puts in his mouth. Damn! And like, I'm trying to, so I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, how old are you? He's like, 17. I'm like, okay, you smoke, 17. He's like, yeah.

I'm like, you smoke 16. He's like, yeah. I get down to. 11 and the dude's like yep that's when I started 11 years old he started smoking was he was he three feet tall he's tall as hell actually he was like cooler aiden bro he was tall like he smoked if aiden started smoking at 11 it would have changed everything god you would have been so fucking cool you'd be so cool now you're not you're just not yeah Chinese kids are cooler bro kid town there's this place we went you say

kid town yeah it's something I would make up you would tell you That one's my favorite episode. No, no, no, no, that's Kid Day. My bad. Sorry. Confused. Kid Town is episode 12. We go to Kid Town.

Oh, I miss that. These two kids bring us to Kid Town. It's not out yet. These two brings us to Kid Town. It's like a pool hall with like a hundred kids and they're all fucking playing pool smoking outside. What? They'll have their own school. Yeah.

Like that part of Pinocchio when they go to the Magic Island. Yeah, with all the bad kids. And he turned into donkeys. Dude, it honestly felt like what 70s America was like. You can. walk through if you want. Oh yeah, you don't have to apologize. Don't worry about it. We're just hanging out of the hamburger. But yeah, the kids are like the kids here, you're fucking cool. Yeah? They're cool. Yeah, they smoke. Everyone

rides a scooter. Yeah, that's cool, man. Like at age, like, like kids, like little babies are on scooters. Yeah, you're charmed. It's like, our introduction to China was so, like, stereotypical. We got off the plane. The first thing I saw was a video of a breakdancing robot. And then slime immediately had a robot make him blow up. Yeah, I had the robot make me a boba drink. Oh, hell yeah. And it did exactly what I needed. You know, it was very different than Hong Kong.

It felt, I guess, less like that. We were saying auto should, we should get one of those for the warehouse, and auto can, like, mount a 50-cow to it or something. Like, he could make that thing saying. No more package is stolen. They love having robots do shit here. Yeah. Like, when we were at Jade Garden getting dinner,

there was robots, like, picking up the glasses and the dishes everywhere. It was honestly pretty undignified, I kept saying, because it's like they're a nice weight stuff, in this place that is trying to look nice and then there's like these dinky, shitty, stupid robot, I hate robots. You just hate robots. I hate robots. And your American mind makes you want to have them have guns.

You bring a fucking flipper zero here, you can just make everyone fall over like pluribus. Yeah. They just pass out on the street. Oh yeah, the three facts. Everyone smokes. Everyone throws their siggies on the ground after they're done. See, I didn't do that. They threw them on the ground everything.

They did? No, I picked it up. You threw it down the ground over there and stepped on it. Oh, over there. But I didn't do it here because I'm near. Sorry, I didn't realize we were talking about over there. I'm just saying I'm near the hamburger. I'm saying right now I picked it up because I thought it'd be rude, but I guess.

Yeah, the thing is, because we've asked several times, because I was like, what I put the cigarette and they just go... You feed it back to the earth. You feed it back to which it came. The streets are kind of clean because every single street, even the most rural area, has like a task force hired just to sweep. That's cool. It stimulates the economy.

We put the cigarettes on the ground. You guys clean it up. Everyone has a job. If you don't throw it on the ground, there's no job to have. Exactly. What, you want robots to do that too? Yeah, if I don't throw my cigarette on the ground, everyone will be unemployed. Yeah, everything kind of crumbles beneath our feet. It feels bad. Like, I've seen, like, I'm like in a cab, and the guy just throws a water bottle out.

I'm like, that's cool. Oh, damn, that's probably... That's big trash. Yeah, that's big trash. Dude, we left. Little trash is okay. In Hong Kong. So, I had to edit the episode of the yard last week, and we hadn't eaten.

And so I was like, Rich, please, give me food. I don't care what it is. In the mall, our hotel was above a mall, in the mall there was Shake Shack. And I'm like, give me Shake Shack. Fuck it, I'll eat Shake Shack. I don't know what happened, but we kept the bag of Shake Shack on our bed. Oh, and like, yeah. And when removed, there was a burger stain.

It, like, beat itself. The bag, like, beat itself. And there was just a big burger stain on the bed, which I left. It was really scary. I don't know. I can't think of anything else that was in the bag that would leave a brown stain. Oh, wait, wait, wait. There was a burger stain.

Whoa. It was so gross. It looks like I ejaculated on the bed, but really big in the ground. Have you guys door dashed? No. No, I was telling Nick about this. Yeah, last night, Aiden was saying that you can get a robot to bring you Boba to your hotel room on any floor. Yeah.

And I was like, that's the most lit shit ever. I tried for like an hour. I think it was like the first night in Shanghai. A-track orders just food to the hotel. And he got three meals for $12. Delivery fees included. Wow. Yeah, I order.

some shit the delivery fee was a dollar. I'm like, this doesn't make sense. The economics aren't here. What is some, some young guy showed us, he was like, here, let me show you. And I'll, like, order this, like, cleaner. It's like a $2 cleaner all in shipping from Shanghai to Shenzhen, which is like the entire, like, coast of the country. That's how much it costs for him to ship that and arrive to him. And it comes in like a day. For $2? For $2. For $2. What the fuck? What did they figure out? I don't know, bro, but like, that's so many workers are DoorDash drivers, and it doesn't make economic sense. We interviewed one of the drivers on the, like, second or first day we were here.

He was like 21 years old. He'd immigrated for another province to Shanghai, and he was just talking about, yeah, like, literally work seven days a week. All I do is drive, and he showed us the app, like how much money he makes. He gets like 7 yuan, 10 yuan a ride. 7 yuan's a dollar. Yeah. And he said he makes 10,000 a month

Which is like 1,400 US dollars Yeah, it's not a lot But then also everything's fucking cheap as hell Well, wait, what if Dream with me? I'm dreaming. What if we all became What if we all moved to Macau For 10 years?

For 10 years. He keeps saying Macau It would be awful to live in Macau No, we could become poker players Year 2, what's the big difference in year 2 for us than year 1? We know a year's worth of more of information. So by year not, are we have a business together? Or we just, what we do?

Year nine, we're probably billionaires. Right. Poker billionaires? Yeah, we're poker billionaires. Okay. Because we've played so good. Right. We've played so good.

Yeah, we basically take Dan Belizarian for all he's got. Right. And then we bankroll Tom Duan to get his money back from the Chinese. Right. So Tom Duan's finally free. He's finally free. Free Tom Duan. He has to work for it.

Yeah. And now he works for us. But that's because we've become such an amazing. Do you know Tom? He doesn't gamble. It just steals. You guys don't want to move in Macau for 10 years with me. No. No, dude.

Just say no. Don't, but don't string me along. I didn't. I didn't. You brought it up and kind of. Don't string me along. Yeah, I think it would be hard to live in China. Because if you lived here 10 years, year 10, you'd have people coming up to you being like, whoa.

You're a foreigner. You speak Chinese? We actually asked this guy, there's a dude we met that works at a university. He's like a program director there, white American guy. He's lived in Shanghai for 30 years. And I was like, doesn't it get, like, at this point, wouldn't you get, like, kind of jaded or annoyed? And he's like, happens every time without fail. They, like, can't believe I can speak the language.

It's just kind of awesome. This is the way it is. I guess you are constantly being flattered. Yeah. It's like everyone's always impressed at you. It's like walking around, like, Barka Plyer in L. Yeah. Everyone's looking at you like whoa. Whoa, dude.

Can I get a picture with you? Love, you have a future here in a different type of content. I guess tip-to-tip was kind of this, but if you, you know, like those like white guys speak in impeccable Mandarin videos? Yeah. You, but, like, you still title it that, but it's just speaking the level of Mandarin you can now. And, like, everyone is just, like, doesn't under, you're saying, like, I am a cheese baby to people. I could be gimmicky foreigner in China. You just never learned 10 years of not learning a lit.

Gimicky foreigner in China would be so easy. But it wouldn't be, it would basically be, let's be monkey. Let's be monkey. Yeah, the joke runs out pretty quick. Chinese is such a funny language, and maybe ours is the same as well. But basically... It's a beautiful language, it's tonal. It is tonal, and it is beautiful.

But you change one thing, and it turns from, like, hello, it's nice to meet you to, like, prostitution truck in my house. Yeah, last night. It's just so good. You were saying cat loud to so many people. Last night, me and Michael are just with, like, his phone trying to get, like, the translator app to understand us staying hotel. So we're just going, we're going, Judy N. And we do, like, ten roles. In all ten, it's like, it was like pig trotters.

Like, fucking slave shack. I was like, what the fuck am I saying? Yeah, I, like, before I came here, I was like, I got to know one phrase. Like, I need, like, a go-to. And the one, it was kind of a dumb one to learn. But I was like, do you speak English? I was just going to learn that one. on the car ride to the airport, I'm like to my girlfriend,

I'm like saying it over and over and over and over again. And the first thing I do when I get off the plane is like, Aiden, Aden, tell me if I say this right. And I try it. And he's like, I have no fucking idea. Let me hear it. I don't remember it. Let me try to remember it.

I lost it because Aiden told me it was wrong. So I was like, oh, I don't need it. I'm not going to be able to say it right. It is funny. It was like one of the only things I can say. Me, sure. Something. You ma.

Dude, what the fuck? Nishu In-Wei-ma? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that was it. That was close? Ying is the word I couldn't remember. Tones are so off. Because he's just going,

you? Say ying again? In-we. So you kind of missed the Y. Yeah, you skipped the Y. In-Wing. In-Wain. Peng-win.

Yeah, sometimes, because when you say you're American, that draws, it's like, whoa, you're American. Because sometimes, if it's like an older Chinese guy, I'm like, yeah, I'm British. But you don't. I don't have an accent. And Goran, yeah, they don't know.

We're speaking Chinese to each other. Dude, I did. So we got on the boat, before the chop came for us. And we're setting up. And there's these two, there's these two, like, maybe like 30-year-old Chinese guys that got on a boat near us. And they're pumped. They like yell across and they're like, are you guys like, where are you from?

And that Ludwig's like, you know, where we're American in, in China? Chinese. And then he's his new bit is, where are you guys from? Are you Chinese? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, if that's where I'm from, I go Megarin. They go Megarin. And I go, you? We got a video of it. Maybe we can insert it here, but there was a beautiful transaction. Yeah. Lovewood was like, do you want a cigarette? And we had to back the boats up, butt to butt. It was like Michelangelo. Yeah, and there was like a reach. It was like this. It was Genesis. And they took it and they were so thrilled. And then they gave you what a bum-ass cigarette? You gave me some bum-ass Beijing, Sigi? And I gave him the fucking Hanan Gold Leaf.

Yeah, but that's cultural exchange sometimes. I bought a pack because it had a cool yellow monster on it. It was like a weird banana demon, but then they were so thin and they were feminine cigarettes. You can tell me to talk about the pack. And I smoked one and then I became... I grew brass. Then I became a Mayneu. What's a Maineu?

Uh, pretty lady. You go Meenu Maidan, which is... Mainyu, Schweig. Wait your check please. Mayhew, Swigua. Manu, Schwaga? Yeah. Me and you. Check please.

How do you say missionary? Do you know that one? You can learn that one? No, because him and Michael don't do that shit. No, no, no, no. Why would he learn that word that he will never need to use? Maybe a Schwong engine. Wong engine.

Yeah. What does that translate to? Missionary. Michael's Loki to top in that relationship. A hundred percent. Yeah. You're a power bottom. Yeah, obviously.

I think Ludwig likes the foundation of a bottom, right? They do all the work. Well, power bottom generates an enormous... You think you were doing all the work? Power. As the bottom, yeah, for sure. Yeah. I met on the trip.

No, I think we are very, like, well-oiled machine together. We require both parts. And where I falter, he picks up, and where he falters, I pick up. What are the strengths and weaknesses of you both on the trip? I have boundless confidence. Yeah. To engage in an interaction or make a decision. and then he is DPS.

I'm tank, he's DPS. DPS in what sense? Like he can, what, speak better? He's language DPS, right? No, he's just more tactful, so, like, what will happen is I'll tank. And then slowly, like, I start losing HP because they realize

I can't speak Chinese. And then they turn to Michael, and Michael the whole time just thinking of one thing to kind of get us through the interaction. It sounds like you're like pickpucketing. Wait, wait. So you give him... It sounds like you just go first

and he goes second. I don't think that there's wrong. You give him time to charge. What happens is because they're slowly realizing, I don't speak Chinese, they give up on me, and they turn to Michael, you know, who has more of a... What have you? More of an Asian look.

And they're like, oh, this guy knows, and he can say the same thing I say, but they'll get it when he says it sometimes. Interesting. Yeah, I think... Wait, did they think he's white or Asian? They must think he's white. I think they think he's white,

but, you know, sometimes maybe they have a question. I think to many people you appear as Michael's dog Are you I was wondering after this after tip to tips over are you like hump to go home? Or do you actually wish you had more time here to just enjoy it? No I think two weeks is a great amount I think we this was a bit long Really? Yeah, I mean just especially the food poisoning Oh yeah

Because like the days after the food poisoning were just shit and we got less confident in our Chinese We felt worse. We're sad And then it picked up again so it was like nice towards the end but I think we both are like fuck this was long do you think do you like feel you're way less equipped than you are in Japan

because it looks like that well yeah because Japanese you can do some you can just speak in an accent and say English words and that gets you a farish okay you can go toire sure sure my opinion was watching

was that like I feel like you guys cracked it cracked into a code like not being as good at the language I think it made the series better by a lot like so many I think what other people's favorite moments were and like my personal favorite moments were

where when you would go up to a guy and be like, I am a cheeseburger AK-47, and then the guy would look at you like what is going on and then that like don't get any ideas. Those are like my favorite moments but I feel like that just happened way less often in Japan because you guys got better at the language. Yeah well also I think in Japan like the way like people I think were just less interested I think people are very nice and very polite and like tried to help us as best they could but here I think is like they just don't see many foreigners so they were just like some people are just super fucking pumped

which didn't really happen in Japan has the opposite problem they're kind of not trying to see foreigners sometimes people get mad about the foreigners here we go to a fucking random ass village they're like you're the first person who's white who's ever stepped foot you were the king now welcome

so well not the king what do you want to name it no that was way different than Japan but also led to like I have like 20 people's Wii chat. Oh, wow. You should have a group chat and you should just send updates every quarter.

With all these people. Every fiscal quarter, Nick Engley types out a giant Chinese message in the WeChat group for all the people Ludwig met along the way. I've genuinely spoke to some of them like two words and I got their Wii chat. I mean, some I'll probably keep in contact with for a little bit. Yeah. Dude. Lee, I'll be a lifelong friend.

Did you see? Maybe you did see it, but someone, it was an April Fool's joke where it's like you went live on April Fool's Day. I think maybe it was a screenshot or someone did it as a joke. Maybe it was Tim or something. I actually don't know. But Yingling freaked out on Twitter and he was like, oh my God, is he back? And everyone

was clowning this shit out of yingling. He fell for it. He fell for it. And he's yingling. He's the guy with all the tools to not call for it. He's the guy that's speaking for. Yeah, but he's also the guy who falls for April Fool's jokes. Dude, it was, it was like I felt kind of bad because it's like

this is the thing that I make fun of you for. and happen to you. That's so tough. What can you do? You want a little Chinese tip? Yeah. America, how does the nod work? Like, if you see someone walking by,

how do you nod at them? Oh, you go up. Kind of. Kind of. You go up if you know them. Down if you don't. Sure. I like giving up nods even if I don't know.

I know. I think, personally, I think down nod is like, I'm trying to get by you. That's someone you don't know, yeah. But even if I, if I just see someone and I'm walking by I'm trying to say hello. I'm going like... That's usually someone you know, right? Like you're not...

No, random person. I'm an up-nauder a lot. I love up-knott. What do you do? I up-nod if I know, I'm. I down-knot if I don't. For me, up-hot is... Up-knod is hello.

Down-knot is like, I'm needing something. I think your rubric is what I do. Excuse me. Without thinking about it. That's what it is. What Shwagga's do is up-nodd-if you know them, down-nodd-on-you-down-if you don't. Okay? I don't know what the man-us do.

I'll leave that's you guys. I'm up nodding everyone I see. Japan's like 80 degrees of nods down. Sure. Being in the Tokyo station and watching a group of people do the thing where they like all stay there and like back away as they bow over and over again. Have you ever seen that? Yeah. Yes.

Oh my God. It's actually surreal to see in real life. It's like they're both trying to escape the interaction. Yeah. And then as soon as you like this invisible line eventually breaks with enough distance where they can like Turn around without feeling guilty. It looks exhausting. It looks like it looks like buying a car Yeah and then it's just a process China you only up nod you only up nod. I would that's why I would fit in what would down mean if I did it? They don't do it. It's I mean they would get it okay but it's an up-knot society

Oh, it'd be like up-knotting a Japanese guy who's down nodding you. Oh my God just going the wrong way And then he parries it. I'm gonna upnot every person I see on the way back home Hmm. Oh he's happy. I've never seen him like this and he got some two things and he got some two based on a shirt. Dude, who's getting the best, who's getting the best head? It's definitely grimace. It's definitely grimace. Wait, you said there's Ronald?

Yeah. I'll tell you see Ronald. Dude, you gotta come on him. That's exactly what I was saying. It's too based on his shirt. Come on. Ronald! Atrioc and Tana.

I haven't talked to him. Wait, I want to see Ronald. Oh, Ronald's up here. First thing I said to him is, are you flying to Israel? Yeah, I heard that. Ronaldo McDonald. I wonder what they call him. column. He's a fresh

painted McDonald's. I think they, I think they do rounds. Dude, this is a nice, this is probably the nicer McDonald's I've been to. This is exactly how I think I look to everyone here. They see me walking around. They see this guy. Yeah. They see there. They see there. Big ass clown shoes. He should be a legendary

Bellotro card. I don't know why he's not. Wow, that's a good idea. The McDonald's collab? Yeah, that'd be sick. Oh my God. You're a thinker? Think of the merch. The Bellotro McDonald's merch. Like, imagine the hat in the T. Oh, my. they haven't made him a magic card. Oh, hey, with that, with that dumper, man?

I don't know. You're a little big. You're kind of breaking on, man. I don't know. You're kind of breaking up. Sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, I can't sit on Ronald.

Sorry for my large friend. Oh, I can't sit on Ronald McDonald? I'm sorry. It's just. I'm sorry. Okay, so real quick, what's your, what's your, what's your highlight? What's your highlight? All of China. Yeah, all of China.

I think the rose is like the, uh, like the people I've met. Like, there were some cool people in Tip to Tip 1, but like... Oh, they got Wendy, too. Who's Wendy? I actually don't know that one. She's a chicken. Oh, like a nugget. She represents nuggets.

She represents getting eaten. Me too. Hell yeah. She represents nuggets. Yeah, I think probably the people, because there were some awesome people. Well, probably keep in touch with, too. Lifelong forever friends. Lifelong forever friends.

Oh, that's a sick fit. That's a sick fit. And then my bud is like looking forward to. That's funny to say because I'm fucking leaving. What are you talking about? He said rosebud form. I prefer high, medium low. I prefer stem.

Oh, okay. Yeah, the bud is the middle. That's not what it is. No, no. The bud is the thing you're looking forward to. You're just a worse format. So we adjusted this to stamp. My stem?

Yeah, the most middle part of your time. your trip. Is probably the driving. But don't you love the motorcycle? I love the motorcycle. There's just some beat-ass roads. I had a question. What percentage of when you guys are driving are you talking to each other? Like not on the video, like in real time? It depends on the day. Like the sick day, like very minimally. If it's raining or cold or a mountain pass very minimally, if it's like a nice day and we're just riding, we're talking like pretty much the whole time. Wow. Was there any time that you guys were mad at each other? No, he thought he spit on my hand once and he asked me like a hundred times if I was mad at him. Oh. You should just to mess with

his head should it yes. Well, he asked me once and I was like, no, no, I don't even think about it. But then he kept out and then he just started asking as a joke. He goes, you're mad at me, aren't you? Uh, no, we never really get mad at each other. Look at that. Look at that, Rich. A pretty-ass view It did clear up quite a bit In the morning it was pretty bad This is the chop by the way No one's allowed to be on the water right now

There's some chop out I really wish we were on the boat I thought my thorn is that damn chop Oh wait Oh real Oh we going Yeah yeah yeah yeah Thank God I thought if you walked back over

They're letting seasoned American captains out on the chop Okay I did hear that but the thing is I'm trying to take the day off okay I've been in the water for a long time Not really interesting getting back on the chop But sometimes you want to

What's the thorn? Outside of the chop Outside of food poisoning Outside of the chop And food poisoning Yeah Shit Probably

Probably Probably the Chinese language Wow Because that shit That shit is hard Yeah you guys are not very good But I'm actually impressed at how good you got

It just feels sad when it's like a long day riding. It's raining and you're like, where's the hotel? They're like, pig trotters. Are you hungry? Are you hungry? You want a restaurant on the ground? And I'm like, no. Judy and they're like nine o'clock. No, it's six.

I'm like, fuck. Yeah, it's just real hard. Saying cat loud and getting the door slammed in your face. Yeah, and I can't blame them. Like, it's not them fucking up. I definitely, when we were in Hong Kong, like, I was like, oh my God, everyone speaks English. It's so nice.

And the moment we got to Beijing, the first person I needed help from it, I talked to, I had no idea what I was saying. He lost his passport. Yeah. I left my passport on the plane and I'd be boarded. Wow, you're an idiot. And I was just like, oh, my God, I left the passport. We're like downstairs waiting in the atrium.

And they eventually ask us what we're doing. Because we've been there for like 25 minutes. And they're like, what happened? And our friend lost his passport. They all instantly laugh. Yeah, they just started laughing. Yeah, that's what I call. I had to go bang on the glass and like all these people were like,

like scared because I'm making a little noise, but like I had no option. I'm just like I need that. Like if I don't get that, I'm buffed. Yeah. And so like this woman runs over. Everyone was very helpful, but no one could understand what I was saying. I was like, passport. And they're like, I don't know. So I just like to the translating thing. But uh, they knew. They needed to know like my boarding information and stuff. And I didn't have any of it because it was in my passport. Yeah, that's what you need you. Bro, you need is to know the word who joujow? Who Jiao? What does that mean? Any y'all up, up, not those guys? What the fuck that mean?

No, I didn't know, not him. I upduded. I did. You any of the walkers? Huh? Do the motorcycle drivers don't wave back here? Ah. Oh, there's no, there's no mutual respect? It's because there's 9,000. I want truckers. No, scooters are not motorcycle drivers. Here. Truckers? Can we just stop and wrap up here? Yeah, we can wrap up. You want me to wrap up all of China? Like, all of it? All of it? I guess. It's the friends you make along the fucking wet. It's the chop that you drive through. Okay. All right, well, that's been the yard with Ludwig of video games and now China. Boohie's boys. We're reunited.

It's nice to... It feels so good to be reunited. It's nice that you guys are still my friend at the end of this, honestly. Ah. You were disgusting this whole trip. I've never offended. I don't understand it. And he never will until he does. Anyway, uh, when you see us again, we'll be back on our big fake set that looks like it's outside but it's inside. Everything will get back to normal and Ludwig will be collabbing with Lacey like Godfrey. Archie, Rhodoscope and a shark. Oh, rock! Oh!

Great.