The Yard - Ep. 25 - We flew 5,000 miles to interview Ludwig's mom

Episode Date: December 22, 2021

It's pod time everyone, hopefully this episode can give you a break from pretending to care about your relatives' lives. We flew all the way out to Ludwig's childhood home to do an episode in his freezing backyard, with his mom tagging in for a bit to answer some burning questions we've had for years. Other topics discussed: Aimen's former classmate who fucked a horse, Ludwig's polaroid mishap, and Nick eats a cookie.

Is that a thumbs up? I missed that. This is me still doing audio for you. Check, check, check. Do you think Scottish people have sex? You're asking if Scottish people have sex? No. You're asking if Scottish people have sex? Yeah, do you think they have it?

There's still Scottish people. No, no, no. Are they spawning? Because the Irish... They import. They import from where? From Ireland. Ireland.

They just kind of raise them. It's Irish people if you leave them in the sun too long. Yeah. They turn into Scottish people. Yeah, they make them like clay bricks.

It's kind of like mules. Mules is like a horse and a donkey. If you pickle an Irish person, they turn into a Scottish people. Yeah, they make them like clay bricks. It's kind of like mules. Mules is like a horse and a donkey. If you pickle an Irish person, they turn into a Scottish person. Hi, I'm your granddad. Oh, Aiden. Oh, Aiden. Why don't you come over to your granddad and pull your little pecker out? Oh, give me some shallots, Aiden.

Pull my pecker out too, Aiden. Pull up my pecker and give it the whirl, Aiden. What is happening? Do you think they hate that Americans just whittle them down to their accent? Well, to be fair, we do that to other Americans like me and Aiden. What is happening? Do you think they hate that Americans just whittle them down to their accent? Well, to be fair, we do that to other Americans like me and Aiden did earlier when we were in Boston.

So everyone gets a turn. You guys like cookies? Oh, no. Oh, bro, you eat that? Oh, that's your bit? He was like, I got a crazy one. Our dog shits so much

in these woods. No, it's good. It's fertilizer for your body. Oh, no. Stop biting it. Hey, you can see the shit, but you can't see the piss. California kids be like... And that's our motto here. What's up? Welcome to the yard

in the yard here in Ludwig's home base where he grew up and knew Hamster. This is where he first beat his shit. You first beat your shit in that house? I did, yeah. That's great. Where? That was your first beat off? I beat off, I think I've talked about it, in my bed and I wouldn't

I would just do this. Oh yeah, on the blanket. Wait, did you guys sleep in his old room? No. No. My stepsister's in there. We slept in a guest room. Bummer. Yeah. Other than my sister's room, they're in the guest room. Aiden last night was like, there's two beds in there for us right now,

but they're like roller beds, and he didn't put this together. So like anyone who has no brain cells in their head does, he sits in between the beds, and he just falls directly through them. I just look up. I can't believe you had that. Ready to go. So you went in between the beds? Yeah.

On the floor like an animal? I fell between them because it had a roller on it. So you went in between the beds? Yeah. On the floor like an animal? I fell between them. Because it had a roller on it. Where did you get those? What are you talking about? It is hard. Hey, I mean, we all kind of got our secrets, right?

I have this tiny bat. We're all set. What are we doing? What's your secret? Where's yours? Oh, did you blow it with the cookie already? Yeah, I blew it with the cookie. It's all I had. What is yours?

Mine is my new merchandise. Oh. Bam. Show them the merch. Audio game. There it is. I can feel it. We all have a prop.

There's some spring. Yeah, we all got a prop. If you're listening on audio, I think it's worth taking a peek to see the beautiful scenery. We are outdoors right now. It's sitting at about, I think, 45, 46 degrees Fahrenheit. It's pretty cold. It got super cold.

We've been in the sun setting up, and then the cloud kind of barely passed over the sun, and then it got like five degrees colder. It's negative five

for the real fans. Our Russian viewers are like, fucking, they think that's cold, fucking dumbass Americans. You're dumb as bricks. In real temperature,

it's negative five. Is that like Celsius or something? You're so stupid. Oh my God. In real temperature. Shut the fuck up. It's real. or something? You're so stupid. Oh, my God. In real temperature. Shut the fuck up. It's real.

Don't act like you don't try a shitty Irish accent. Go ahead. Go ahead. Rip your heart. I haven't been doing the Irish accent. You've been doing it a little bit. No, I haven't. He's been doing it.

Allegedly. We were going to bed last night. It's like dark in the room. We're both laying on the bed. Let's play a bit of Nightcrawler. I just want to pull all the fluids out of you in every hole that I can. This is easy.

Dude. Like what? Being Scottish or Irish? Yeah. We're laying next to each other. It's dead silent dark in the room. Nick from the other side of the room is like, oh, let me see that prostate. Walls, by the way, paper thin.

I was like, oh, Aiden, get that prostate over here. Let me give it a whirl. It's 1.30 a.m. My mom is in the next room over and my stepfather Peter with work in the morning. I'm going to milk you like granddad used to milk my cows.

Hey, no, we got other weapons. Hold on. What? That's alright. What? You don't need to bring it out. If it's, no, I know I heard you the first time about it. It's taking a long time to do this. The weapon. We're using a lot of air time on this. I got this weapon. What the fuck is that? It's my mom's

like cutting utensils. It's her weapon. It's like a. You don't want to fuck with Ludwig's mom, bro. Dude, why did you bring that out here? Because it's fucking hype Why do you just steal things from my mom? Because There's no reason after the because This is crazy dude

Why does he have this? He has like this He has a bear knife I don't know how else to describe it She got it in Alaska This is a Mortal Kombat cosmetic. She's been to Alaska a few times and got it there. Yeah, we've been doing the tour de France around your house

and just taking pictures of you as a baby everywhere. So I'm going to send those to Archie. Archie, you can just start playing those over the screen right now. When you were filming a picture of me in middle school with the Panic at the Disco, I write Sins Not Tragedy song playing in the background. Yeah. My mom was staring at you guys.

Okay. Ludwig's mom, for one, you have her eyes, and it's very beautiful. When you're a baby, you look exactly like her. That's tight. You and her eyes are the same, and it made me care about you as a human even more than I do. I felt no different because you were born from her,

and that all makes sense to me. Yeah, but it's just cute to see. Two, your mom, she's got, how do I say it? Oh. Oh, what's up? What's she got? Say it real loud. Go ahead, say it.

She's got an attitude, but I don't blame her. Does she? Come in, Mom. Come here, Mom. No! No! Oh, we're going to own slime so hard Yeah right here you're sitting

Yeah you'll sit where a lot of it sits This is my Put the bear knife away My mother Claps for my mother At home You can sit where I'm sitting and I'll cross the line you Did you hear what he just said about you

He just said about you? He just said you have an attitude. That's not true. He said that. Don't let him lie to you. These are his words. He said that. It's on tape.

Hello. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to our show. Make sure you speak right into it, like this close. Oh, you got your gloves on. Get toasty. Whose gloves am I wearing?

You know, I took these goggles out as a gag, but they actually really help. You look so stupid. I can also believe that your head is shaped like that. Under it? You take it off, it's still like that? It's like that. How are you?

I'm fine, thank you. I just want to say, I'm great. I just want to say thank you for having us. Yeah, it's a lovely home. It's been really, really nice and very hospitable. I also want to say I'm really sorry for the text message that I sent you. No worries. Oh my God. I forgot about that.

No worries. Thanks to that, I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers. So anytime. What were your thoughts receiving that text message? What were you thinking? I was wondering, what did I say wrong? I'm so sorry.

Stop. Look what you did. It's okay. It was for a joke. And then, yeah. Also, what Ludwig said, I don't think you have attitude. I think you're a strong... I think you're a strong... I think you're a strong...

You're talking about her like she is a couch. Why are you doing that? I think you raised a fine son. I did. It's crazy. Are you proud of him, or do you wish, like, I wish he became a doctor? Oh, no. I'm proud of him.

Aww. That's cute. From day one, they were I'm proud of him. Aww. That's cute. From day one, they were not going to be engineers. I was a bit worried about their future, but now I said, okay, I was wrong from day one. Did he ever describe his dream

of becoming a talk show host to you? Yes. What did you think of that dream? I was supportive. I mean, when he went to go streaming, he asked me, and I said, go for it. I was supportive of my daughter being an actress. Yeah, there's a lot of artists in this family,

I'm noticing, just walking around. Yeah, her art lines the walls. You paint. We have some of your paintings at our house, and I think that's really cool. Also, I'd like you to know that we had a game show. We were on Ludwig's game show, and one of the questions was,

what is your name? And out of everyone here, I was the only person who knew, because I've seen you sign your art with your name. No, I knew. Nope, you didn't answer. Yes, I did. I didn't answer because I wasn't allowed,

but I know because Ludwig used to use your Netflix. And it says your name on it. That's right. I know your whole family. That's right. You don't have enough money to pay for your Netflix. So my name is Paloma. Paloma. Paloma. Paloma de la Soledad was my name

when I was born. I'm at Cerralbo. Long name. Oh my god. Wow. But I became French through my father's naturalization and then it just was Paloma Amat. Hey, Ludwig, you don't have a mic right now? It's time to stop talking.

I need you to let your mother talk. Fuck you guys. Can you speak Spanish? Was Ludwig a big crier as a child? I do. You do speak Spanish too? Sí. a big crier as a child? I do. You do speak Spanish too? Wow. Wow, that's so sick.

And French? Oui, bien sûr, je parle français. Paisano! That's none of those languages. Paisano is Spanish. Boom.

Ah! C'est un talent? Don't say verdad and think that that is a conversation you're having. Pourquoi non? You know just enough Spanish. You know just enough i'm so mad did ludwig cry a lot as a child was he a crier was he odd in any way we're trying to fight so we're trying to expose maybe you don't

know how he is with his friends but he's very closed off it's hard to it's hard we never see him emotional we never see him in any way he's like he's like a off. It's hard to, it's hard, we never see him emotional. We never see him in any way. He's like, he's like a tight little robot. Was he weird as a kid? Anything like that? No, that happened later. It got weird later.

What happened? I think girlfriend probably. Not the current one. Sure, yeah. I think, you know, along the way, maybe someone hurt his heart.

I don't know. But he was, Are you damaged? He I don't know. Are you damaged? He was a lot more. Are you damaged, Ludwig? Holy shit. You got baggage, bro. He was a lot more catchy and more outgoing, right? As a child, yes.

Wow. You've been hurt. Never sad, always happy. Happy boy. Oh, that stayed. He's still always a happy boy yes. Wow. You've been hurt. Never sad, always happy. Happy boy. Oh. That stayed. He's still always a happy boy, yeah. That stayed.

Well. Ish. Depends what's going on on the video game screen. Honestly, he is just, the way he is as a kid is the way he is now when he has a gummy. It's like a reverse Super Mario mushroom. And he just becomes smaller and happier. Why don't you get another chair? Yeah, you can relax there.

Don't worry about it. Just sit down and stop talking. Okay? Have you ever worried about him? Like when he moved out, when he moved away, started doing stream, were you like...

No, I wasn't worried, but I was constantly checking his bank account and putting money in. Oh! Mom support. Really, Ludwig? And Ludwig. I and putting money in. Oh! Mom support. Really, Ludwig? I didn't know that. You always talk about how you came... He never wanted. He always never accepted help.

Yeah. He was always betting it on games with Mario Party. It was like minus, minus, minus. Just broke talk constantly. Did you know we played a game of Mario Party And he bet the last hundred dollars he had In his bank account on a mini game

I'm not surprised And I beat him And then he said double or nothing And he didn't have it And then he won and got it back Yeah he's very lucky The first time I met your son

I was in San Diego, and I was very intoxicated. And he proceeded to take advantage of this by beating me in video games over and over. For money. I would keep saying yes because I was so drunk. And I believe he won about $200 off me. That was my first time meeting him. My first time meeting your son, he exposed himself200 off me. That was my first time meeting him. My first time meeting your son, he exposed

himself naked to me. Oh. Too much information. Did he do that a lot when he was little? Yeah, did he strip down a lot? No. That was also a thing learned in adulthood. No, that's from high school.

What's the most trouble he ever got in growing up um he wasn't getting trouble because this big would not listen to me so let's say i had two kids one would say mommy can i do that no and why not because and he would torture me until I get to see yes, or until I, you know, he was making me reason, reasoning why I would say no. Ludwig, he would ask once,

mom, mommy, can I do this? Can I get a cookie? No. Turn around, go and get the cookie. So,

he was not controversial, but he did whatever he wanted. So, wow. This is so illuminating. Nothing's changed. Nothing's changed, So he was not controversial, but he did whatever he wanted. Wow. This is so illuminating. Nothing's changed. Nothing's changed except he has the social capital to get away with it. I remember one day in middle school, the assistant principal.

Oh, what's up? The assistant principal calls me. I'm a teacher myself, so he called me at work. I'm a teacher myself, so he called me at work. And he says, did you know that Ludwig is scheduled to have a detention on Saturday or whatever? I don't remember exactly the detail. I said, no. Oh, because his paper is signed.

You didn't sign it. I said, no. Oh, classic. I said, he asked me, do you allow me to call him in the office? And I said, yes, of course, but I hope he really is going to admit it. Because I was going to say, if he doesn't admit, I'm going to be. And he did admit, so he admitted signing. Wow. So I got two, double the amount of detention, right?

You're out here forging your mom's signature, dude. Yeah. But that's's you know he wasn't a troubled kid yeah good kid another day for christmas he was driving already and uh he was going to soccer indoor soccer and they had the kids had their car i had my own car the kids had their car and he went for soccer and then he calls me so he was indoor soccer but he was away from here and he calls me he says i'm in the ditch get out of it and okay we tell me tell me where we are we coming and i'm going to the givage

and it wasn't his car that he took. It was mine. Because his car was out of gas. You are an animal. And he didn't have time to ask me for my car. You're the same. You're the same. You have not changed.

Yeah, you have not changed. How have you not changed? The difference is now, instead of saying, can I have a cookie? You're just eating the cookie. Yeah. And then I say, dude, that is my cookie. Why didn't you ask me? And in the car situation, it doesn't matter because he just pays for it.

I can't be mad because he was always like this. And now, dude. He's not disrespecting you. It's just how he is. Yeah. It's just how he is. I think his father was a bit the same way. Didn't care about any of the materialistic things.

Just ask for forgiveness, not permission. Okay, well, we really appreciate you coming on. Is there anything you want to say to the viewers? There's like 100,000 people, I think, that often listen to this podcast.

You finally have a voice to tell them anything you want about Ludwig. Or anything. And if I can add one more thing to that, have you noticed any difference between Ludwig pre-fame and post-fame and riches?

Yes. And what difference do you think that you've noticed? A little bit more cocky. More cocky? Yeah? You got a little bit of, a little swagger?

Well, you know what? He deserves it. He's got the right to have it. Aw. Right? So he's... Is he calling you more? Not really.

Dude, you got to call your mom. Bro, on God, this is a one-way. Her phone does not work calling me. She has never called me since I moved out eight years ago. I call her. She says it's not true. You never call me. I call you when...

Okay, look at your phone and look at the times I call you. She says check the tapes. Hey, we can check the logs. Run the tape. And many times I call you, you don't answer the phone. So you're saying that she never calls but you just don't answer when she calls?

I don't usually call my kids because I don't... Mom. Friday. Missed call. Mom. Friday. Missed call. Mom. Mom. Thursday. Missed call. Dude, you're an animal. Okay, then you called her on Tuesday. Mom. Missed call Tuesday. It seems like both of you have the same problem.

Yeah, you actually just don't pick up the phone when she calls. And I keep on hearing that I don't call him. He's a nice person. He's got a very good heart. Very generous person. But he needs to open the cage of the cow. That's right.

That is right. Listen to your mom. I've never seen your son cry. Ever. Ever. So maybe he needs to go see a psychologist. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying too. I'm glad you agree son cry. Ever. Ever. So maybe he needs to go and see a psychologist. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying too.

I'm glad you agree with this. He did. He saw a psychiatrist on Twitch live, right? That's the environment that that happens. And you warded him off. And you didn't show a moment of your true self. Yes. Psychiatrist is, you know.

Either way, we need to get inside that little noggin of yours. We need to find out what's tormenting you so much. Why are you so scared, Ludwig? Come out, Ludwig. I'm a great son. Anyway, sorry. Your final words to the people as Ludwig's mom, the creator of everything you see here.

Please. I'm very proud of everything you see here. Please. I'm very proud of him. Continue. Be happy. That's what I want him to be. Happy. Aww. Happy. Merci. Merci.

At the eye doctor? Did he get cataract surgery again? Is it just like a chill setup? Like a chill appointment? Checking her eyes. Just checking them. Just checking them. All right.

Well, thank you for coming on. All right. See you tonight. See you tonight. Me? No. She said you want some hot cocoa? I don't have any, but that's actually you.

That's the same person. You just want hot cocoa? Ah.'t have any, but that's actually you. That's the same person. You just want hot cocoa? Ah. How's the field going, dude? I want that shit, too. Get that, dude? Proud of me, great son. Wow.

Zero flaws, great kid. That was more accepting than I thought. I thought she would have more grievances there about you. No. I'm a great child. You still call enough for her to know. No, she knows, dude. I think there's this weird silent understanding

between Ludwig and his family of the love they have for each other, but to express it, it's as if a witch cursed them and said, you will not express that love or you will be injured. And they're like, got it.

No, you're just American and we're European. That's my question. Are Europeans like that? Yes. I mean, look, I gave just American and we're European. That's my question. Are Europeans like that? Yes. I mean, look, I gave her a kiss on the cheek. You'll do that, Bisou. But you don't fucking, I love you.

I want you to know I love you, sweetie. That doesn't happen. No matter what happens, I love you. You don't talk to your parents like you don't fuck them. The other day in the kitchen. So Ludwig will sometimes say I love you when he hangs the phone up with you or whatever. He'll do that sometimes. And I've been like, that's the most affection that Ludwig has maybe ever I love you when he hangs the phone up with you or whatever. He'll do that sometimes. That's the most affection that Ludwig has maybe ever shown me.

Verbally. It's verbally. It's when he tells me he loves me when he hangs the phone up. And then, in the kitchen the other day, he's on the phone with fucking Carl Jacobs, the goddamn Minecraft fucking Mr. Beast goddamn. And he hangs up the phone and he goes, all right, love you, Carl. Carl doesn't say it back, by the way. Hangs the phone up and Ludwig's like, all right. And I look at him and I goes, all right, love you, Carl. Carl doesn't say it back, by the way. Hangs the phone up and love you.

He's like, all right. And I look at him and I go, you don't love him? And he thinks for a second and he goes, no. And I was like, go fuck yourself. He's sweating right now. No, I'm not sweating.

Because here's the fact. I've never said I love you on the phone to my mom unless it's for content. And I've said I love you on the phone to eight million creators. It just means you don't love me. he's talking about creators yes sir hey he picks it up quick though you suck he picks it up quick he doesn't feel anything because he can't he can't feel that you either you either bro yeah i know but i mean does that mean he doesn't mean it when

he says it to me he doesn't i mean it when i walk up to you off the gum and i go love you oh that's what that's what he's no he doesn't say it on the phone. He doesn't mean it when he's off the gum. I think he does. I actually fucking hate calling Aiden. He's a sack of shit on the phone. I'm not. You literally categorically are with evidence of you literally cursing me out

after the phone call. That was one call. You are a dick. Is he better now? Is he better now? No. Every time he picks up the phone, he's like annoyed. No. That's true. I called him the other day when you were at Bagel with Vincent. You were like, what's up? I'm like, hey, I just want to see, have you gotten coffee? He's like, yeah, I got coffee.

Yeah, I got a bagel. I'm like, okay, I'm sorry. You are like this. I'm sorry for literally interrogating you. Aiden often thinks a question is also implication that he's done something wrong. Even though no one has made that implication yet. And he'll go like, what? Yeah, I got a bagel.

I wanted food. You didn't say you wanted anything. I'm like, dude, I'm just asking. I'm not hungry. I just ate too. I'm just wondering what you got. Aiden, are you talking to wheat on Discord? Yeah.

I feel like of everyone's parent to be interviewed, my mother is probably going to be the nicest to me of any of the parents. The least critical. The least critical of their own kid. My mom just straight loves me. I mean, yeah, but she's probably critical. Maybe. I think you all got banger moms, honestly. You burned a house down.

No, I didn't. A forest. Well, maybe don't say that publicly. You're a forest burner. You're a forest burner. You're a forest burner. You committed a crime, and you should go to jail now for it. You never faced your arson charges. I was part of an arson incident as a kid, yes.

We talked about this on the pod. But nobody knows that. Yeah, we did. Early. And we will never tell you the details of it, ever. Unless you watch episode two, in which case you can hear about his arson adventures. Eamon's mom is really nice too, loves him a lot. My mom, if she were alive,

but she's in hell right now. Dude, he always says this and every time I'm just like, oh yeah, good one man. I get it. It was so funny. What did we say the other night? We came in, we were in the kitchen at Ludwig's house and we were like,

I was like, yeah, you, me, and Cutie's mom all in hell. And Cutie was like, my mom's in heaven. And I was like, she yells really loud down at my mom's. But also his mom. It was such a dark joke.

Remember when we were at Bagels? We were getting Bagel and then you brought up my dead father, and then I said, getting comfortable, are we? Oh, yeah. Did you rattle one way? Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? It was like out of pocket, and I can't remember. You said some shit.

We were just getting Bagels, right? You think you're playing Mogi? What are you saying? We're getting Bagels. We plop down. I find an interesting fact about Canada. Here's the interesting fact. Age of consent, 16. Age of consent for anal, I find an interesting fact about Canada. Here's the interesting fact. Age of consent,

16. Age of consent for anal, 18. Wait, what? Canada is homophobic. Canada has a different age of consent for anal. It's two years later. What is that? That's like getting married. That's like getting married before sex and then

before sex too. The law specifically states it's 18 if you're not married. So you can get married at 16 and have butt sex legally in Canada. Yeah. So they're just homophobic. Yeah, they're just homophobic. Can you get gay married in Canada? Amen, check.

Yes. So you can get gay married at 16 and two two men or women i guess wait does not penises count i like a strap-on i don't think they have like can you get if strap-on then legal can two the consent the consent law it has a strap-on addendum yeah i this is a real question i don't what if i am a 16 year old lesbian woman who wants to get married to my 16 year old lesbian love of my life and we want to do butt stuff. They didn't go this deep.

They didn't have you in the parliament. Okay, but wait. Give me the powdered wig. I can get in there. I can solve shit. Are we talking bananas? Are we talking tiny baseball bats? My dog is in the room watching. What's up with that? What about the peanut butter thing?

Is the peanut butter thing still bad? We'll go to Ottawa and we'll settle this. I bring up that fact because I was shocked by it. And then, what did you say, dude? Do you remember? You keep laughing and you can't spit it out. No, it was at the counter.

This was before the age of consent. What did you say, man? The lovely woman who works at the shop that we go to, she says something about Ludwig's dad. Why? I think in the context of going to see your parents for the holidays or something. Oh, okay. And I was like, his dad's dead.

To the person at the register. Offering up that as small talk on behalf of his dad. Because he just said, yeah. He just said it as if he was just going to go home and see his brother. He's been to this place a lot. New employee. Oh, no. I had never met her.

It wasn't Susie. If it's one of the usuals, sure, you can spread some information, but this is a random person, and Aiden's like, Aiden's like, yeah, they've, sorry. That person you just brought up, they've actually passed on. We miss them a lot, but thanks for bringing her up. I rattled him, though. I rattled him.

You rattled Ludwig? I like how you feel accomplished, because I would, too. He didn't rattle me. I was just him, though. I rattled him. You rattled Ludwig? Yeah. I like how you feel accomplished because I would, too. He didn't rattle me. I was just like, damn, he's getting comfy. Incomfortable, huh? That's what he said. That's what he said. That is extreme level of comfort.

No, but it's dead parent gang because you're allowed to say that. He's barely dead parent gang. No offense. But it still counts. It's just over the line, but it counts. I do get to cheat because I have none of the emotional trauma. My dad's Italian. That doesn't count.

That's not a dead parent doesn't count yeah it is true I mean he's dead to me an Italian living in America that's dead to Eamon yeah can't talk about that look at the mic in Eamon's hand

it looks like so funny I said before it looks like your dick in his hand it looks like my dick in your normal hand which just means

you have a small dick that was my friend's bit in high school. He played the Uno reverse card a lot and it became a catchphrase to just say, I have a tiny dick. He'd go get up from the lunch table to go get more milk. He'd be like, I got a tiny dick, and then walk away.

That's quirky. It was great. He was really talented. I was thinking about, because we were going around and we checked out Ludwig's hometown today. You know, where we're at. It's pretty small. And it also made me think about the, from one of the advice questions we did a couple weeks ago,

we were thinking about like the weird older kids we've hung out with in our lives. And then going by the school today, it reminded me of this again. In art class, there was a mixture of like sixth, seventh, and eighth graders in middle school. And me and my other sixth grade friends at the time would talk to this one kid, Seth, who was an eighth grader. Oh, man, Seth was cool. And Seth was pretty funny. He was a little weird, but he was really funny, and he'd always hang out and sit with us. And about, I want to say five years later,

we found out that Seth, at the age of 19, was arrested for having sex with a horse for the second time. What? Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. The law is everyone gets one. Everyone gets one. You're telling me he used his second time before 20? Dude, was it the same horse?

That's a good question. The horse texted him like, where you been? Apparently it had been happening for a while, but I don't know how they finally got caught. But Seth19 would hang out with this guy in his mid-40s. It was like a police horse. They would set up his bait. It his mid 40s It was like a police horse It was a sting It was a pony

And they would go have sex with horses We're gonna cut your mane and look sexier What's the show where they steal the cars? A bait car It's baithorse.com They leave horses out waiting for people to fuck them Baitcar.com was my Steam name for like a year. Dude, so there's horse.

It's basically, I'm imagining to catch a predator, and it's just like, damn, what are you wearing right now? It's just like, I'm a horse. I am a horse with horse feet, and I have a saddle on. And he's like, oh, baby, yeah. It's like the horse, they meet up. They're like, want to go to my barn? And then it's fucking, what's the guy's name? The guy's predator guy?

Oh, Chris Hansen. Chris Hansen. But he's got a cowboy hat and overalls. He walks in on a horse. He's like, why don't you take a seat on that saddle over there? It's just BoJack Horseman at that point. So what happened with this guy? No, he got arrested.

He went to jail. He went to jail? Yeah, for animal abuse. Can I look this up? Busting inside of a horse's ass or piece? Is this Googleable? Dude. I think Googleable? Dude. I think, unfortunately, yeah.

Local resident Seth busts in a horse. Yeah, yeah. The largest cum shot known to man in a horse. It just shows the horse. The horse is just standing there absentmindedly.

Horrified with, like, a child that's half human, half horse. It's just drinking water. It's like, the horse, totally cream-pied by Seth, refused to do an interview.

There's hot, juicy ropes shot into this horse's pussy. The horse refused to comment, but the ropes are still inside. Do you think? There's this fucking voice. 4 out of 11, did he like it? And can we all get into this he did it a second time clearly he liked it yeah it was so crazy the second time's way easy the first we found out that uh oh that was so the the big thing with the article is that it

was part of like that it was like an in-depth story it's like they didn't just like this man was arrested for having sex couldn't have been that deep dude. This guy Seth and the man he would do it with apparently have had sex with dogs and he had a partner with horses. Oh right. Yeah so this is part of like a

pattern of behavior at the time. Just having sex with non-human partners. And me and my best friend in high school Alec learned about this. Thought to themselves we should fuck a horse we would sit we would sit together in art he fucks the dog he's like i thought it was a guy it's like you fucked the horse he's like i thought that was a dog i'm pretty sure that would be an alec would make would make trading cards in art class and uh and seth would seth would make them and play the game with us. So when me and Alec found this out, we were like, holy shit.

I guess you should remember the fuck a horse card. He kept activating. We made an elaborate game with that guy. Was he good at games? No, not at that game. It is kind of crazy. He might have been good at other games. I don't know game i it is it is kind of crazy it's like it might have been good at other games i don't know he's like got his tongue out like this and you look at his car he just has like all pony toes and all horses but looking back he was one of those kids who would uh

who would be making like weird sexual jokes all the time like a little out of pocket even for me she's got me named am i right or am i right so it's uh it's like yeah jessica over there she's a horse girl he's like looks and he's like that's a regular girl she's a normal girl who likes horses it also reminds me of this like little little vice piece where this guy goes to uh a where these men like your rite of passage as a man is you take a donkey out and you go like by yourself with the donkey and you go have sex with the donkey. That's right. And in the documentary, the vice reporter goes with with one of these guys to see to see it happen. Yeah yeah and they interview the vice reporter after and he was like yeah i don't know he's like no i i've seen this video a lot what i was gonna expect but that was

i didn't like that this is what he says verbatim because i've seen i this was early early vice and i showed this to all my friends and the guy he's kind of chat he's kind of douchey he's kind of like treats it as a joke uh yeah he's he's laughing up until that yeah and and he's kind of chatty. He's kind of douchey. He's kind of like treats it as a joke. Yeah, he's laughing up until that point. Yeah, and he's like, yeah, so the guy around there. And he's kind of shook. He's like, he's just fucking a donkey. And he's like, I thought it was going to be really funny, but it's just really weird.

He's like, yeah, be careful what you wish for, dude. Is that before they faked it? It was like another Vice reporter fucking the donkey to just make up the story Like a guy in a donkey costume It's like oh no So that's it Yeah we were just chatting

We were chatting the other week about hanging out with the weird older kids And we went by your high school And I thought about Seth You know what's funny is I don't know many people at home might not know But we were at a diner And Slime played a game with the waitress, which was guess who here is from this town.

And we were at a table full of six people, and she was like, I don't know. She's like, I don't care. She tried to walk out of the bit like three times. Yeah, because it's like just six white people at a table. She points at Aiden, gets it wrong. But let's expand upon this theory. We haven't talked about it much,

but could people at home guess? Pick us out of a lineup? Yeah, pick us, which one of us here, does people know? Wait, what are you talking about?

He's from Colorado. Could they pick out from a lineup? If we were in Colorado? Like, which one of us is from where? I think the lore, I think we've talked about it. It's enough.

It's not enough. Yeah. I think the thing is, she was not having my shit. My fingies started getting real cold. You look cold, bud. I don't know what happened. It's not enough. I think the thing is, she was not having my shit. My fingies started getting real cold. I don't know what happened. I'm not going to lie. I am so cold. I am fucking cold.

We're outside in cold weather. I think it's less than 40. The sun went away. Now there's clouds. That is what happened. You know the worst part about being from New Hampshire? What? Outside the heroin and fentanyl deaths. I was going to say.

Yeah, I figured. It's that whenever I'm cold, people are like, aren't you from New Hampshire? You aren't allowed to be cold. That's why I hate that so much. Ain't you Canadian? Yeah.

Aren't you Canadian? You know what I always say. First of all, fuck you. Didn't you mutate in a few years being there? Get a different gene that makes you warm? You know what I always say, Ludwig?

It's snowing, Vancouver. What did you always say? You can't take the... You can't take the... You can't take the... What was it? You can't take the boy out of the hamster. No, no, no.

Not that. You can't take the boys in the hamster. You can't take the... You can't take the new hamster out of the old hamster. Out of the old hamster. That's what it was. That is it. That is what you say. Welcome to the hamster cast.

They're nailing it. Okay, so this morning we're driving. We're following Ludwig and Cutie in their car to the diner that we're going to go eat at. And as we pull out of this neighborhood, there's a sign. This guy has a massive... He has many signs. Let's go, Brandon sign. Hashtag FJB.

A Trump sign that says, do you miss me with Trump on it. Yeah, and he's just smiling. It says miss me. And then the third sign is a giant Pepe frog. Like a giant twitchy frog. Bit of a maimer. Yeah, and you said he's been like that for 20 years.

For 20 years. We would always pass his house and just be like, oh, the Dems. The Libs. Would it be like anti-Obama shit? Yeah. It would be like, back in the day, it was chiller. It would just be like McCain. Yeah.

And that was it. That's what it was. John McCain didn't have a thing that was like, yeah, Trump is just different. Fuck Obama. But now he's got Trump with big titties and he's on a dragon. Yeah. It's changed. They've definitely gotten more and more down the right wing rabbit hole. But now he's got Trump with like big titties and he's like on a dragon. Yeah, it's changed.

They've definitely gotten more and more down like the right wing rabbit hole. In Grand Junction, where I went to college, there was this house where it was literally the whole entire side of the house was painted. And it was Trump, I'm not kidding, dressed as a knight. And he was riding a dragon. Or no, no, he was slaying a dragon that way he was fighting and the dragon was like a political cartoon and the dragon had all kinds of labels on it which was like political correctness the woke agenda like liberals i'm not gonna lie i would i'd vote for that guy and it was hard he'd get me it was the hardest no it would be sick if it was like drawn well because then it's like kind of aful shitpost, but it was just drawn like shit, too.

So it was like, damn, you really care a whole lot about that on your house. New Hampshire's purple. I think they just usually have been leaning towards Massachusetts, which is very blue, albeit Boston's racist. Rural places will do that. Republicans are just stans. Stans? Yeah, so are politicians.

It's political people. Yeah, I mean, people stan AOC. Stan Bernie? I don't know. It just feels, yeah, it is the same, I guess. We care about Bernie's pussy, don't we? It's just weird how people ride or die. It's breathtaking.

It's like the fucking, like, the profile picture is Trump, and he's, like, fucking got his tongue out, and it's like a meme, and it's all the same. It's all stans. Yeah. It's stan culture that basically redirects tax money. Whoa. There you go. Yeah. It's Stan culture that basically redirects tax money. Wow. There you go. I mean, the fun fact, too, is Trump kind of boomed people here because property taxes are especially high in New Hampshire because there's no sales tax.

And then you can't write off property taxes on your taxes anymore. Really? Yeah, that was a Trump law. Did Trump change that? Yeah. Get fucked. Do you think the average Trump voter here pieced that together? Yeah, does your guy piece that together down the street?

The other option is a woman as a VP. Oh! Yuck! What are you going to do there? This guy's like, Pee-yew! Me and Pepe are going to go now. One of the most insane Republican bits is saying Kamala's name really long like they can't say it. Yeah, Kamalama Ding Dong.

And saying Kamalama Lama, and then they just like, you said it right, and then just intentionally outpoured it. The joke is that they're illiterate. It's so exotic and weird. Why would you name somebody that? You should just be called Seth. You should be called Seth like my son. He's in jail right now, but he'll be out soon. What was Seth's like

real quick? Back to horse fucker. What did he look like? Did he look like a guy that fucked horses? Was he hand-wogging it? No. No? No. Horse fucker. I'd say horse fucker. Horse sex. That sounds like a cool't say horse fucker. Horse sex.

That sounds like a cool gamer tag. Oh, here it is. Yeah, this is the picture of him. Oh, dude. Let me see. Yeah, that guy fucks horses. In the article, second man gets jail. Ban on pets for sex abuse. Yeah.

Dot com. For having sex with a horse. Ooh, good memories right now. Sat next to this guy in art class for years. By the way, he had sex with a friend's miniature horse. And he got one month in jail. Oh, wow. He's out.

That's it. Morgan Spurlock did that for a show. Dude, when I was in middle school, I was in band. And I threw a drumstick at my friend in class. I threw it across the room and hit him in the head with it. And my teacher saw and made me call my mom in front of the whole class and tell her what I have done. Wrong choice.

He should have just gotten me detention because my mom laughed on the phone. I told her on speaker and she just started busting up laughing. She's like, why did you do that? And I'm like, he was just acting up. That was funny. And he's livid because I'm getting away with it. And then I hang up the phone. Fast forward six years.

He gets arrested for fucking kids. No. The teacher. Oh, the teacher. Not the guy you threw a drumstick at. No, he's a homie. My seventh grade teacher also got bounced for having child porn on his computer. Who's throwing drumsticks now at kids?

I mean, my school was child porn free as far as I know. As far as you know. Yeah, but you're Canadian. It's throwing drumsticks now at kids? I mean, my school was child porn free as far as I know. As far as you know. Yeah, but you're Canadian. It's already an L. It's like kind of worse than the whole thing

we're talking about. I've been learning some more about this guy. The way he got found out was not a sting operation. How did he get found out? He had friends at his house who went on his computer

and they saw a video that he had downloaded of a man fucking a donkey, and they reported him because they thought he might be a donkey fucker. They narked on him. Dude, imagine it's me and you, and we're like, oh, shit, we got to get that thing off Aiden's computer. Oh, let's just go check really quick. We go type in his password. It's fucking I love video games.

And then we get in, and we find a video of someone fucking a donkey on aiden's computer and the first thing that we think you think he is also fucking donkeys we should call someone we should report him because he's probably also doing this i think because we live in such close proximity it's like you know it's like aiden's disappearing for like swaths at a time, and we don't know where he's going, and maybe I can be like, you know, he has been gone a lot. The weird part, by the way, I think is downloading it. Because that means a desire to watch and re-watch

and have it if you don't have internet connection. Yeah, you want to make sure when you're offline you still have access. Yeah, it's like the folder is full of old porn that you beat off to when you were a teenager. Yeah, sometimes you just need to save the classics. You're a real fucker. Anyway, we did drive by my high school.

What did you guys think about it? I just imagined people ripping bongs in the parking lot. I was imagining your first over-the-pants H.J. going on, and I was like, that's pretty cool. Did you get an H.J. in high school? I did, yeah. I got a few H.J.s in my day. A few? I dated this girl named Casey. I was a terrible boyfriend. Casey H.J.? Oh yeah.

But you've learned. You've really come around. I didn't have money to buy her shit. I would call her Hooker as a pet name. What? Insane dude. She was on board. Dude. That's weird. How did you

make this up? It's better than wench, which is what you call cutie. Yeah, it does fly a little more. And then we were at my friend Evan's house in his basement and we had like a So it's you, Evan and Hooker in the basement. It's me, Evan Hooker and then Aaron, who's Evan's girl.

And there was a chair that we were hooking up on. It's the hookup chair. And then we had the TV chair, and we would swap on an alarm system. What? Why? I don't know. Why were you so organized? I don't know.

I don't understand. Are you having sex with somebody in the room while somebody else has sex in the room at the same time? No, this is like freshman year. This is like OTP, HJ. You're getting HJs in the room while somebody else has sex in the room at the same time freshman year this is like otp hj you're getting hjs in the room with your friend yes he's he's slightly he's like 20 feet away that's common this was uh there was this this girl who like you could like her her parents were really cool and didn't care and she had the whole basement to herself so it often often became the the spot to like bring your girlfriend over and get your shit beat. And this girl, she was like, I don't know.

It was like she was a madam. She was like the whorehouse madam. Oh, I see. I see. Like the mom who owned the house. It's a bottom bitch. Well, she wasn't a bottom bitch. Well, she wasn't a bottom bitch. It's the opposite of a bottom bitch.

No. She had an answer to daddy. No, you're right. There's a name. There's a name. I think we all have a different definition of bottom bitch. Anyway, she basically ran this high school brothel, but you brought your own BYOB. And it reminds me of Love Is True. Beat your own BYOB. And it reminds me of Ludwig.

Beat your own shit. Because it's like, hey, we want to use the room now. You and Max have been in there for too long, and then you would swap out. Yeah. It was miserable, though. It's like fucking Marvel's Capcom. You've got to slap your homie in.

Yeah, my team. He comes flying through the closet like this. I'm going to pick Hooker, Ludwig, and Ashley. That's my team. Yeah, that was me, man. Except it's hard to give a handjob to someone with foreskin. Have you felt that? What are you talking about?

Like, early handjobs, I think people didn't know what they were doing. Oh. When I had my foreskin penis. Yeah. Do you feel that? You've got some big league chew down here. No. If you're not eating it. I got about

.5 HJs in high school. Speak to that. Is that just you? Do you count as half a hey, Jay? Hey, Jay. Dude, no, no. One time No, you're right maybe because the first this is why i called it 0.5 i know it was really bad yeah because they don't know what they're doing really bad starting a lawnmower and you're like stop yeah i'm going on a quick jog in my head i'm

like careful with the are you serious with the skin yeah i'm in the background you also don't want to make the person feel bad. Yeah. So you don't tell them to stop. Yeah. It's terrible. Dude, my friend. This is terrible. My friend, he was like a really good looking guy in high school. And he's always had a girlfriend.

He was always like, always talking to girls. And he somehow arranged for him and two of his friends to get handjobs one by one on the stairs at school. After school. Arranged is a weird word. Yeah, it was weird. He was like. Was it negotiated? Yeah, it was like, he's like, this girl is going to give me a handjob.

But I said, she can only give me a handjob if she gives you two guys handjobs also. Oh, dude, the homie. He got firsts. And then she was like, all right, next. You're like Mr. Beast. And then she and then she was like all right next you're like mr this is actually you when you're like let's get the podcast together yeah my friend just like he had it like that and the girl liked him so much that uh she was down the girl is going to give a handjob that i was thinking i was like why do you want to give a handjob to like dude you don't know but apparently she it was just like that was

i think it's like pretty low effort and pretty high reward for someone. You can have your phone out. Is it high reward? I mean, yeah, because someone feels really good and they're like, they think highly of you. Like if I give you a handjob, you'd like me a lot. No. Back then?

Like a 10 year old you a handjob. I'm also like 11. Thought experiment. If I showed up to your door and just beat your 10-year-old little dick, you would like that, wouldn't you? That'd be a good thing for you. You're on board. Tell me you're on board.

Speaking. What the fuck? I don't even think I beat off. I'm the latest beater offer I know. When did you start beating off? I didn't beat think I beat off. I'm the latest beater offer I know. When did you start beating off? I didn't beat off the first time until I was 13, 14. I was 13, 14. What the fuck do you think this is?

I thought this guy was about to bust out like 18, 19. 14 is pretty late. I mean, no, because your balls might have dropped when you were 12. Every time I've heard the answer, people are like, yeah, I was 12. The thing about it, that's one year earlier. Two years earlier. Your balls drop at different times. It can be like, I don't know when.

Wait, your balls dropped? Well, yeah, they don't drop. They drop. No, my balls were always down. Wait, did this happen to you? Did your balls come out of your body? I was also kidding, by the way. Implying mine didn't.

Balls, oh. What do you mean they come out of your body? I was also kidding, by the way. Implying mine didn't. Balls. Oh. What do you mean they come out of my body? Like, people are like, oh, your balls haven't dropped yet. Like, they're still inside of you, and then they drop into your ball sack. I don't think that's what they're saying. Okay, so you're not saying that. No. Okay, just making sure.

That's what happens. I'm just saying. People will give me shit for not knowing if, like, girls poop or whatever. I also don't know about dudes. Hey, I don't know how balls drop. I'm not going to lie, but I drop i'm not gonna lie okay let's get back to i want to get back to serious conversations here okay i don't want you to beat my my you don't want you don't want him to be your alleged your pathetic little tiny baby i don't want to do that i have foreskin i I would know. I'd treat you well. He would make you come like crazy. I wouldn't.

I would never. Aiden might be straight if that happened. If he came. You might meet Aiden straight. From the trauma. Yeah. Yeah, that's fair. All right.

We need to talk about something, Ludwig. Yeah. You son of a bitch. He calls me. I was taking a nap. This was a couple days ago. He calls me. He's like, hey, what's going on? I'm like, nothing. What are you doing? He's like. I was taking a nap. This was a couple days ago. He calls me. He's like, hey, what's

going on? I'm like, nothing. What are you doing? He's like, I'm getting food. I got some bad news. I'm like, what? He's like, I was doing my egg stream and the camera was pointed down.

It was pointing at my desk. You know how there's that picture of your balls that you left there? And I was like, yeah. He's like, oh well, it got showed on stream. And I was like, and I can hear in his voice, he's like, he's thinking I'm gonna give him a third degree.

And you know what I said? Are you gonna get banned? Oh, you're thinking about dad. Because that's all I care about. That's right. And then he was like, yeah, no, I think it's fine. I think it'll be fine. And I'm like, okay, yeah, it's all good.

That's really funny. I was going to say, he will only be happy about this. Your balls got seen by 17,000 people. That was really funny. But there's a couple things I want to cover. Number one, I left that, but there's a couple things I want to cover. Number one, if my, number one, I left that under your keyboard as a joke, and then you

basically placed it against your monitor like it's your kid who went to war. Yeah. And everyone in the house unfortunately has seen it now. Yeah. Because they'll come into your room, cutie cam, it's like, I just saw the picture. I'm gonna take the picture. They're in my office you know that was

the whole thing is you put it up and i was down there i was down there two days two days before and i saw it on your monitor one i was like come on man and then two i i was like dude one day he's gonna show that on stream and it's gonna be bad and it happened two days later i will say i'm flattered and that's why i guess i haven't been dissenting about this, but it is crazy that you just left it there after a bunch of people saw it, and then you go live. It's your job to just not show things that you shouldn't show.

Did you take the picture away yet? Yeah. Okay, you finally got rid of it? No. Where did you put it? I just turned it face down. It's still there. It's like a Yu-Gi-Oh card.

Can you imagine he puts it in his wallet next time he goes to hang out with a bunch of streamers he like he gets it out like he's showing his kids this is my assistant's balls this is my son uh he's my son i like my son a lot this is eggs and the other thing i i thought about a lot after you you had um you had said this to me it was like i think the only like thing that would have made me mad is if it was my soft dick because it would have you couldn't represent what you're really worth yeah exactly the consequences for it being your hard dick are so much worse why what are you talking about because then you might actually because then it becomes more sexual i

think well it's still a picture that he has that has nothing to do with me. Right? Wait, he has a picture of that? No, I'm saying if in hypothetical. Oh, I see. I see. If it's a picture. I could get it. If it was a picture of my soft dick, I'd be more mad because then people would be like,

look at his soft little dick. That's funny though. This is why we aren't the same. And I'd have to hold that all the time. But if it was my hard, beautiful masterpiece of a dick. I have so many pictures of your dick and I could leak it at any moment. On your phone.

Yeah, it's not safe on your phone. Did you not put it in a hidden album or something? They're just on your camera, man. You're so stupid and bad. That means Cutie's seen it. No, she doesn't go through it. I feel like at some point, Cutie would just be scrolling through your photos for some reason. He says, no, I won't do that.

Hey, bring up my dead dad again. I learned about it. Bring up my dead dad again. He's like, yeah, his dad's dead. And then to the register, he's just like, oh, yeah, look at this. Here's his little pool dick. It was cold. Yeah, it's soft.

It was actually really warm and hot out. Did we tell them? So there was a picture taken. It's Ludwig and Nick. Or sorry, it's Ludwig and Aiden. And Aiden just butt ass naked. Their arms are around each other. Are you naked too?

I'm wearing the Michelangelo underwear that has a dick on it. And they're just next to each other. And it's just fucking Aiden's dick and balls. It's like a college photo with your friend as you graduate. People have seen the safe for work version of the photo. Yeah, we're recovering? Yeah. The covering one's good.

The covering one's pretty funny. Dude, we took those photos that night, and I'm trying to figure out how to use the hidden album on my phone, because I've never used it for anything before. And Taylor at dinner is like, just give me that. Just give me that. Just give me that. Why did you just do that?

And why aren't you guys just going to Coinbase.com forward slash the yard? You get $10 in Bitcoin free when you sign up. New sign up users, that's right. $10 in Bitcoin free. I don't know. What is this accent? It's cold. It's mostly cold. I10 in Bitcoin free. I don't know. What is this accent? They're really, it's cold. It's mostly cold. I love what he does.

I don't know. I mean, you could do it if you want. If you want to support it, go for it. If you don't, that's cool too. It's his salesman voice. It's very symbolic for you to be doing the Coinbase read in your childhood home lawn. Yeah.

Hey. This is the house that Coinbase built. This was not Coinbase. Let's build is the house that Coinbase built. This was not Coinbase. Let's build something together. That's a different anyway. Coinbase.com

forward slash the yard guys. They've been supporting this and God knows why. But anyway, check them out guys and back to it. That was beautiful. This is my,

yeah, I held it. You want to know something? No. I had a Nord VPN sponsorship, and I had a certain set of deliverables I was supposed to do. Uh-huh. I didn't do shit.

That's classic. For like two months. Yep. And they were like, hey, not noticing a lot of downloads. And I was like, oh shit. So I went live, and I was like, boys, I'm going to keep it a stack.

I haven't done my homework. And if you guys want this, you can get it. There's like a free trial. This is what it's good for. It's up to you. I'm just letting you know. And then next week, they come back. They were like, that was the single biggest day ever.

We don't know what you did, but we had so many downloads. You're writing your essay the night before and still succeeding. And getting a fucking A. I hate you. I think it's more like, you know, viewers just appreciate when you keep it a stack and be authentic. Yeah. I just like how you've done so many Coinbase reads that you slip into it every time. So you can't be authentic

if it's the same read. If you're like, look guys, look. Boys, we are partnering with Serbian Oil. I'm going to need you to buy up all the oil that you can. Go to Shell and just fill up jugs and jugs and jugs. Stockpile.

Wait, can we get sponsored by a tiny bat company what please please I'm begging you to explain this there's nothing to explain the whole time we've been here one of the first things we get off the plane we get

the car we go to Dick's Sporting Goods and he gets this tiny bat and he's been carrying it around me slime and zipper we come out. He's got the bat in hand, and he's had it ever since then. He's like, yeah, look at my tiny bat. Look at what? I feel like I used to play tiny baseball.

Little baseball. I was a tiny all-star. You also played normal baseball. I was on the tiny cubs. You go to like, I don't think they should let that on the plane even. This is a weapon.

This is hard. You won't be able to fly with it. We were flying to here from LA and Cutie brought three knives in her carry on.

They're like designer knives for women. Oh yeah. In case you get like mugs. Self defense tools. They're very cute, but also sharp knives.

Knives for women? Like self-defense. It got trendy in the last couple years. Let me fix this. Women get harassed. God, you're such a piece of shit. Women are kind of like men, but different. And sometimes they're

susceptible to people fucking with them. So she had like these knives she was going to give as gifts, and then the guy pulls out comically big knife machete, and he's like, why did you think this was okay? And they got taken away? Yeah, they throw them away. Yeah, they throw them away. Or you can mail them back to yourself, but if you don't have time.

Did she purposely bring them, or were they just in there? She purposely brought them as gifts, but she meant to check it in instead of have it as a carry-on, but I made her do it as a carry-on, and she forgot bring them or were they just in there? She purposely brought them as gifts, but she meant to check it in instead of have it as a carry-on, but I made her do it as a carry-on and she forgot about them. Oh, you made her, huh? Yeah. You forced her. You said you're going to put that in the fucking plane.

I did. That's why she has the tools. She has the tools. I was like a father at the airport because the parking was full. So I had to drop her off and I was like, you bring these two suitcases, I will come meet you. I will meet you there. I'm like anxious and stressed.

Dude, when the sun goes away, it gets tough. It gets, and it's instant too. We're not getting her back either. I'm a little chilly. Hey, welcome to New Hampshire, boys. But these eyes, toasty. The fentanyl will warm you if you guys want a little puff puff. A little what? The fentanyl? Oh, the fentanyl.

I don't think you smoke fentanyl, brother. You can smoke fentanyl. It certainly keeps you warm. You can smoke it. Certainly. You think so? Certainly. That's why they smoke that shit in colder areas. Do opioids keep you warm?

I don't know. This happened in the Discord, actually. I thought this was really funny. Someone, shoutouts. God, I don't remember your name. I'm so sorry. Maybe it was Phineas. There's a UPS truck.

I don't know if that's catching in the audio. Probably not. Goodbye, UPS man. Tony. Tony. your name i'm so sorry maybe it's phoenix there's a ups truck i don't know if that's catching in the audio probably later goodbye ups man tony tony it's a this guy he was explaining a situation that happened in the yard discord uh that was a he's warming up that was a real big pain in the ass for him and he basically he works with a someone who is very like christian and like a nice person uh and like very religious and like very very vanilla i guess you want to say and he got her a hundred sticker pack of sonic stickers from ebay so i was like hey hundred sonic stickers like here you go and she's like oh i love sonic it was some of them were not appropriate and some of them were dead ass like sonic like porn stickers. What? Yeah. And I'll look at it. And he didn't proofread?

No, he didn't proofread at all. And it was just like the fun. He's like, guys, I'm in a bad situation. And this one says Chronic the Hemp Hog. That's fire. Wait, is she? Wait, yeah. That's like a great gift.

There also were some anti-Semitic ones. So it was, like a great gift. There also were some anti-Semitic ones. So it was like less good. And it's just like, it's this really like fucked up like problem. Anti-Semitic Sonic stickers. There's a lot of them smoking blunts and shit. That's tight. I'm usually pretty good at knowing how the internet works. Sorry, this is Wisp. Sonic the Hedge Fund.

But I think holiday stress led to a disconnect in my brain where I thought buying something Sonic related from eBay was fine. And he had to like go and walk it back. There's a Pepe Sonic and a Pog Sonic. There's one that says I heart milk. Walk it back like slime when he said my mom has attitude.

You walked it back so hard. You were like every internet bully. I can't say that to your mom. You're like every internet bully. It's true. She's kind of mean, but I like it. She's not mean. She's just European. I know. I don't your mom. You're like every internet bully. She's kind of mean, but I like it. She's not mean. She's just European. I know. I don't like that. And you're a sensitive American. You do like that because you are like that. But it's like, you're not nice.

I'm in her house and she can do whatever. And then there was, yeah, there's actual Sonic porn in it. She is very confused and I'm embarrassed. And how do I go about damage control and try to fix it? Basically, he talked to her. But I just thought that was really, really funny to bring up.

Because, man, imagine you're just like some normal ass normal who likes Sonic. And you don't know about what happens. Well, like, okay. So here's the thing that made me think of, uh, like QT at a contest is like most like tweets get in these picture frames. Because you brought a bunch of Christmas picture frames. Yeah, you did a great job. I replied to that tweet with the picture of ludwig von koopa but he's just like a full-grown human and he has a soft dick with four skin and it's just and it's like a really no no circumcised ludwig von koopa on my christmas tree but bowser is not about that shit and uh and

and like as i said tweet, I'm like hilarious. But also, a shit ton of people who follow me are just like kids. Yeah, you have a responsibility. Do I? To not post Ludwig von Koopa on circumcised cock, to show a Polaroid of someone's balls, whoever they might be, on your computer. Do I have to not show cock and ball? I think you do.

You have to understand that people might see that. I'm ninja now. You're ninja. I can't swear. This is a lot coming from the Mario Goetze guy. I'm not for kids. I've never had that.

He hasn't had the platform that he has. That's goddamn right. I mean, what's the number? Like 90k followers. Like if he hits 100k, is that... Because I'm million.

I know, but like is 100k the cutoff? No, because you can still be a million K Andy shit poster. I think the cutoff is when you can prove that not a majority, but a large portion of your viewership comes from children. I'm also actively mean to children on Twitter to say, hey. That's a problem.

No, it's not. Because it's like, I'm not for you. Your Honor, I'm really mean to these kids. I've made some kids cry out here. Not only am I mean, I'm mean and I block them as if to say, I am not for you, so time to go away. Find someone else. Here's my proof that I don't like the kids that way.

In fact, I hate the kids. No, Your Honor, you don't understand. The kid was whack as shit. I would say that. Hopefully, Honorable Judge of New Hamster would be like, yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure. That kid sounds like a fuck, yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure. That kid sounds like a fuck.

No, okay. Actually, that's interesting. So on the subject of basically Sonic, if you like Sonic and you're a normal person, you like Sonic. Yeah. But then there's this disgusting iceberg of Sonic and Knuckles drawn as urinals with piss in their mouths as the urinals. Yeah. You've seen that, right? That's tight.

I haven't seen this. This is real? Oh, yeah. I used to send it to all my friends. Oh, that's seen that, right? That's tight. I haven't seen this. I haven't seen this one. This is real? Oh, yeah. I used to send it to all my friends. Oh, that's sick. Anyway, so we're at Goddamn... It's real, friends. Archie can just show that picture.

We're at Goddamn Dinner, and it's me, Eamon, and Zipper. Zipper, by the way, looks like a longshoreman, and I love it. He looks really funny. This is in Boston? This is in Boston after we land. We're going around.

We're talking about the fish macket, my father, Goodwill Hutton. Where did you go to dinner? We went to some lobster place. It was called Legal Macket. Did you go to Legal Seafoods? Legal Seafoods. Fish.

Did you go to Legal Seafoods? No, we did. It was fucking right there. It said it on there. Legal Seafoods is a pretty popular chain. If it ain't good, it ain't legal. It was a nice restaurant. It might have been legal. Legal seafoods is a pretty popular chain. If it ain't good, it ain't legal. It was a nice restaurant. I have legal seafoods. Okay, yeah.

And so it was great. It was really good food. And we're talking, we're watching Smash World Tour ending, and it's Ultimate, and we're playing it on the phone. And our waiter, he kind of starts hovering, and it's toward the end of our meal. He's bringing our check, and he's hovering. And we're like, do you, are you? He's talking to Aiden.

Do you? And we're like, okay, he's a yard guy, maybe? Okay, this is fine. And then he's like, do you guys play Smash competitively? And we're like, we do all the calculations really, really fast. And Aiden's like, yeah. And then we just start talking back and forth. And it's great.

The guy's really cool. He's like, I just bought a Switch, and I'm trying to play Ultimate, and I want to, like, who do you think is the best character to get really good? And I basically want to beat my friends. And that's a great question. So we start answering his question. We're like, we think Rob's pretty good. We don't know too much about Ultimate.

Turn him into an incel. No. I'm trying to beat his friends. I literally told him, I was like, if you want to get good fast just to beat your casual friends, just play Rob. Yeah. And so we're just having a conversation. And he's like, do you guys play? It's like, well, we play the old one.

We have to go through all that. But it's fine. He describes Slippy. It was fine. But I joked about that. But it was totally fine. It was a normal conversation. Anyway, we start.

He's like, yeah. So I used to watch YouTube, right? And I used to watch a lot of YouTube. But the guy i watched i just stopped making videos and then we start talking a little more and more and then he's like who do you who do you think i should watch if i'm like gonna learn about ultimate and because like yeah the guy who who was he he was like he was like a like a mexican dude he was like a heavier guy and were like, collectively all three of us just groaned. That is so fucking funny. He was like, you don't watch that guy.

The most casual Smash fan who had no idea. Exactly. And so it was kind of this interesting, this person, because we asked him what other games you play. Because Zipper was like, what other games you play? Because maybe you like Mega Man. You want to play Mega Man. He's like, oh, I play like Warzone and like 2k he didn't he didn't have an answer so he's a guy that is the most normie trio of games yeah ultimate warzone and yeah and

this guy was really really nice and he was talking to us and he he's basically this cross section of like i watched stuff on youtube youtube videos went away i didn't even know why and then i bought a switch and now I play, and it's like, we live in such a little tiny Twitter bubble because that to us is like knowledge written in the sky and inignorable, but for this guy, it's just like, oh yeah, the guy I watch stopped making videos and now I'm looking for someone else.

Yeah, you forget that he, that guy, is the average. He's most people. He's most fucking people. He's most people. And we were talking about that. It's just like this perspective that is so hard to remember, you know, when you're in the sauce and you're in the shit. I think about it often because, like, a lot of streamers obsess over LSF. But that's such a minority. It is a million people.

And, like, I can name, you I can name 100 YouTubers who I know who have a larger group of people than that, reach more people. Right, right, right. These are just people who have a discourse, and they look at it like Jesus' next chapter. It is so hard to remember that the world is way bigger than the little window that we got. Uh-huh.

And yeah, it was crazy. And I hope that guy shouts out. He's probably never going to find this. I hope you beat your friends in Smash. Yeah. You know what? I'll open my eyes to that. It's this guy I've been DMing for like, oh, two weeks now.

It's this guy on TikTok. We're doing this egg peeling challenge. Oh my God, yeah. Oh, I know. I live with you and I've only heard of this. I haven't seen any footage. I've seen pictures sent to me from like, Zeke is like a fan. Yeah, Zeke watches every stream. Like every hour. Zeke watches all of this. I haven't seen any footage. I've seen pictures sent to me from like, Zeke is like a fan. Yeah, Zeke watches every

stream. Zeke watches all of them. He was posting in our Discord and he was like, this is the most riveting thing I've ever seen. It attracts a certain audience. I hit 40k on one. That's great. But I found your calling again. Well, I've kind of given up on it. But I was watching this guy named Thomas, who's

like this European dude who's doing it on TikTok. And he started out, it was just like a couple thousand viewers, and he shot up to 150,000 people while I was watching this guy named Thomas, who's like this European dude who's doing it on TikTok. And he started out. It was just like a couple thousand viewers. And he shot up to 150,000 people while I was watching him. Like a giant audience. More than anybody who is live on Twitch or YouTube or any other site is just on TikTok. And then he did the same thing like next week.

He got 250,000. This is on TikTok live? TikTok live. Fuck, bro. And it's just like we think streaming's the mecca on Twitch, and it's like, you got a guy with 250,000 people watching it. Probably like everyone in high school is going tomorrow to class being like, you see the guy with the egg? Yeah.

You're like, yeah, that guy's fucking crazy. If you didn't see the guy, you're a loser. Yeah. Dude, and that's another platform, IG Live. Often used by- Celebrities. Rappers. Rapp such as Young and Ace. That's when celebrities use the top shit.

After they don't kill somebody. Did you hear about the TikTok thing? No. They stole all of their live, like the back end from OBS. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I did see that. They just robbed them blind. Because it's open source.

It's open source. Yeah. But that's crazy. There's still some sort of like legal trip up there where you use an open source, but then market it as your private product or something. Yeah, there's different levels of open source. There's totally open, steal anything. Yeah, well, the thing is, it's open source,

meaning when I said that, not that it was cool for them to do, but it's just that they can just do it. That's going to happen. Actually, I don't know if they can. No, no, no, meaning they don't have to develop anything. I know what you're saying, exactly what you're saying. It's going to happen. I don't know if they can. No, no, no. Meaning they don't have to develop anything. I know what you're saying. Exactly what you're saying. It's going to happen because it's open source.

That does not make it legal or right. Yeah. I'm not on your side. I think it's bad of TikTok. I can appreciate that's your take, though. Dude, at Smash World Tour, we were playing an insane amount of Foursquare. Okay, pause. You were talking about playing Foursquare here.

You still want to play? Yeah. With this temperature? I would warm up so fast. Oh, because you'd be moving around. That four square here You still want to play? Yeah With this temperature? I would warm up so fast Oh, because you'd be Moving around That sounds great You want to do that?

Fuck this shit Dude, what if the primo Is an hour of four square? So I wouldn't play Yeah, you'd get Paloma In the mix Paloma's not getting in the mix Paloma's in the fucking

King square Just dicing us up We're playing a shit ton Of four square That's who you think She sounds like? Yeah get in the mix. Paloma's in the fucking King Square just dicing us up. We're playing a shit ton of Foursquare. That's who you think she sounds like? Yeah. Vote on your phones at home. Do you think she has a thick accent? Yes. Yeah. But not like that.

But not like what he did. She has your eyes. You have her eyes and it just melts my heart every time. I literally can't. This is just how genetics works. Yeah, but that's just cute and cool. That's his mom. I look like no one in my family. You got your dad's cock. I got my dad's.

You know what I got? Dude, one time I was taking a shower with my dad. How old? I was five or six. You're reaching the line. You're getting close. No, I know, but it's like... That's chill.

I don't know. It's like taking a shower with my dad. And I'm turtling my dick, right? You know. As you do. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.

Yep. I'm not going to roast you there. I thought I had to explain that one. You put yourself out for that one. No, we got you. I'm turtling, and I'm just playing with my dick. And he's like, oh, you're doing the turtle thing? He's like, oh, it's a turtle game.

I love Warrior Ware. Hey, check it out. I can make it into like a mosquito. And I'm like, yeah. He's like, okay. And then, you know, he washes me. Hey, check it out. I can make it into like a mosquito. And I'm like, yeah. He's like, okay. And then, you know, he washes me. And then that was that. That's tight.

That's tight. And I remember there was that workaholics bit. It was like, they're talking about dad dicks. They're like, dad dicks are huge. Yeah, they're just the most mythical thing. And that was the first time I saw my dad's dick. And I was like, that is a fucking big old schlong. And I, you know, I'm sure if I see my dad's dick now, I'd be like, that's like my dick.

That's a normal dick. You got dad dick now. But when you're a kid, it's like traumatizing. Yeah, when you're a kid, it's like, this is like a Greek monster. How are you rocking that? And he ties his own shoes. That shit's crazy. How do you do that?

All right, go off. Sorry. So for those who don't know, some of our Australian friends brought, they call handball, we call four square. Yeah. Back to America, but

they use a ball about the size of a tennis ball and it's way harder, it's way more fun. We were playing this at a smash event that we were at in Florida

and at the same time as Smash World Tour, across from it was the, I think it was called the Latin Salsa Cruise or something like that. I've heard about this. It was a dog show, right? Oh, I didn't see the dog show. I heard it was pups Latin Salsa Cruise or something like that. I've heard about this.

It was a dog show, right? Oh, I didn't see the dog show. I heard it was pups. Oh, that's why there's so many dogs. That's why there's pups. Dude, I was so confused. You're like, Latin Salsa Show? Dude, there was so many fucking, there was like a Great Dane in the lobby,

and I was just like, why is, you brought this dog on vacation? That's big A. I was just like, that's crazy. So there's this, and the music is like deafening. It's like rocking the entire hotel. Really? And like,

if you're in the Smash menu, what's louder than the game is the music. And they're going so hard, and I think they were dancing for like 14 hours. Yeah. Like, it was like insanely long. They still die.

And so we're playing. We saw tweets, we saw tweets from a bunch of people staying awake. It was like 3 a they still you die and so we saw tweets we saw tweets from a bunch of people staying awake it was like 3 a.m uh east coast time and like we have to play top 12 tomorrow and i'm up because i hear the fucking salsa music dude it was like you know like when speakers are peaking and it's like the worst noise ever just that just that for like 14 hours they're going off they're just going off that That's hard. It's hard. Yes, it is. It kind of looks like this is like the side event

of an orgy. Like when you see like the people who are coming through, it's just like one guy and seven women walking into a building and then leaving

like all together later. It just like seems like this weird big thing going on. And so people are walking by while we're playing Foursquare and we're just kind of like poking at them or like making, and we're just kind of like poking

at them. We're not making fun of them. We're like, hey, you want to get in? You want to get some games? And they're like, ah. The salsa people. The salsa people, yeah. Because they're like fucking like 57 years old.

Aren't they in like dresses and shit too? Yes, they are to the nines. Yeah. This one dude is actually crazy. He's wearing a black fedora and a full red suit and red shoes. I told him, you are out of control. Did anyone look like the guy who's the emoji? Like the purple guy who's doing this?

Yeah, there was like 20 of that guy. I love that shit. That's a good one. We're playing and this dude walks by. This guy is like 6'6 and ripped. He is fucking just shredded. He's wearing a vest and a red shirt under it with sparkly

pants and nice shoes. Would you call him Cooter-esque? He was not Cooter-esque. He was, he was past Cooter. Significantly hotter than Cooter. He was, he was AC. He was after Coots. And, uh, he's walking by and he, he's got, he's got the big guy walk when like you're,

you're so big that like you're, you have to like kind of do this to move around. And, um. Rotate. This, one of the the one of the people who was playing four square with us like everyone's kind of poking at people walking by he kind of wants to get in on the fun and he goes up to the guy and he's like hey man you want to play four square with us and he does this he looks over at him he looks at the four square court looks back at him and he says uh i'm gonna go dance with women instead oh and then just walks into the convention center whoa what a sick chat i just start laughing my ass off and i'm like dude you just got your shit mixed you think this is whack guess what we're doing in there i've i've never i've never gotten my shit mixed so hard wow yeah dude i love the idea of playing

at like smash roll tour and like you beat some guy in your pool and the salsa music's pumping through the wall and you're just like you're just like fist bump you're like yeah music made me lose control yeah i'm gonna go dance now that's actually what i'm here for that's tight um wait you said he he did that and then it was a chad thing i had something so juicy and so nice and nice to bring up for you it was as creamy as aiden's then it was a Chad thing. I had something so juicy and so nice to bring up for you. Was it as creamy as Aiden's getting? I was making him so creamy.

Yeah, Aiden was getting creamy for it. I've been on fire comedically just in banter this yesterday and it's been so creamy for Aiden. I'm making you laugh. I actually didn't get on a plane. I'll tell you guys this real quick. Me and Nick were going to go to Smash World Tour. I didn't end up going because right before

the flight, I'm sitting... How I've always sat... I sit kind of weird. I have weird flexibility. And I was sitting on my left leg and kind of pressuring it, I guess. And on the floor in front of our gate, waiting for our plane to start boarding. I start to move my foot around

and I realize that I literally can't move it. So basically, it's like stuck at this position. I can move it down and then up to here, but I cannot move it up at all. Stuck in neutral. It's stuck in neutral, and it was really, really scary. I could feel it. It's not like when you lose sensation in your foot and it's numb, like sleeping or something. I could feel it and touch it, and it's like, oh, that's my foot.

But I could not move it, and it was paralyzed. It was crazy. And it was really, really, really weird. You couldn't walk on it, right? Because he's being extremely – this is what happened. So he's being extremely calm, and he's kind of just sitting there. He's squirming around a little bit. I started pacing around because I'm trying to feel it out.

He's starting to realize something's weird. I don't really know what's going on. Sometimes slime just paces. I'm like, eh, he's doing a slime thing. And then he gets up to try walking on it and he immediately falls over. He eats shit in the

airport and rolls his ankle. I watch him land on the side of his ankle. It still hurts. And then he kind of just sits on the ground really fast and starts

feeling his foot. I'm like, are you okay? What the fuck is going on right now? And he's like, oh, yeah, so I can't move my foot and I think I need to go to a hospital yeah that's what he says i'm like what he's i'm like you can't you is it asleep he's like no no

i can feel with my hand and i feel it i can feel myself touching it but i cannot tell it to go up i'm like and i was like they're boarding i was like i'm being really calm right now but i do think this is an emergency and i need i need to go to the hospital i think and you're like do you want me to go like get somebody i'm like that'd be good yeah yeah and then you did oh dude it was crazy anthony saw maybe for the first time he saw me break dude dude nick karen'd out at this fucking paramedic yeah he saw me i i finally had my mental broken by a man in public. I yelled at this fucking guy. And it was for your boy.

It was for Anthony. It pissed me off so much. So basically, all right. So everyone who works at an airport fucking wants to die, I guess. And I go up to the person who's like checking people into the flight. I'm like, hey, my friend actually needs an ER. I need to get a wheelchair here so we can take him to the hospital. Can you help me out with that?

And she just doesn't even look at me. And'm like hello i'm sorry did you hear me she's like yeah you talked to that desk for that i'm like i had to ask again for you to tell me to go over there whatever so go over there and she's like yeah you gotta talk to her point back at who i just spoke to and i'm like yeah she told me to come here and she like rolls her eyes and she's like okay um well i'll see are you on this flight i'm like yes i'm on this flight she's like all right we're gonna cancel it for you i'm like great i don't care i want to go to the hospital you need to understand like you're missing the problem and so they're like all right we called and so we go over and the first thing to show up is the

wheelchair but the paramedics are nowhere in sight so i don't know where to take him like we're in we're past security i don't know where to go him. Like, we're past security. I don't know where to go. And so the wheelchair woman is like, no, she's not in a wheelchair. She brought the wheelchair. Yeah. If she was in a wheelchair, I wouldn't call her that.

The wheeled woman. But you wouldn't be wrong. If she was, you wouldn't be wrong. She wore a long robe and a mask. She was the quartermaster of the wheelchairs. She brings over the chair, and she's like, where are we going? And I'm like, I don't know.

I don't know where we're going. It's a mess. If you die in an airport, you're fucked. And the paramedics are just fucking nowhere. And she's like, did you go tell them that you need to go to the ER? I'm like, yes. And she's like, you gotta go tell them again. I'm like, you should tell them. You work here.

And she's like, she keeps looking over. It's like her cooler, older them you work here and she's like she keeps looking over like like it's like her cooler older brother's friend and she's scared and i'm like i ask her i'm like do i need to do this for you and she's like she nods and i'm like okay so i go over i'm like is there an er coming and they're like yeah yeah apparently she's coming we wait for like what was it like it was a long time 20 minutes we only have 20 minutes and no one shows up and i'm like getting mad and i'm like where the fuck are these people and they're like oh they're on their way a cop shows up the cop was nice and she's just kind of asking how things are going she's like she's like asking all the questions that clearly we have already asked anthony and anthony's just going through

it like telling her nope yeah i can't lift it i can feel it yeah i didn't know it wasn't it's a big problem and i need to go to the hospital right yeah yeah and so uh the paramedics finally show up and it's these two fucking well well, one of them is fine. But the fucking first guy rolls up. And he stands over Anthony. And he's like, what's the problem? And he's like, yeah. So he explains the problem to him again.

And he's like, yeah, that's not a big deal. You're just probably cramping. It's not a big deal. Dude, it was fucked up. And he's just telling him that he's not going through anything, essentially. And Anthony's like, no, I actually can't move it. And he's like, I'm watching you move it. That's what he says to him.

I was like, I can't move my foot. And that's all says to him. I was like, I can't move my foot, you know, and that's all I said. And I was actually, I felt like maybe I wasn't explaining it properly. I also felt like he was just cutting you off. Yeah. So he's like, I'm watching you move it. You can move it. He said, you're moving it now. And I was like, damn, I guess I got logic manned.

And he's basically just like, he's hot off a bench of Bebo. Yes. He's logic manning him. And every time Anthony tries to explain that he is going through something and would like to go to a hospital, the guy is, one, not explaining that he's going to end up taking him there.

Two, saying that nothing is happening to him. And three, basically saying that he is not having a real problem. And I stop the guy. I get between them. And I go, why the fuck are you doing this? That's what I say to him. And he looks at me like, what?

And I'm like, you are berating him. And it's so fucking annoying. All he wants to do is go to the hospital. He does not want to talk to you. Can you just do that? You're like, why are you condescending him? Yeah, I'm like, can you just do that? And the guy says, don't talk to me like that.

And I'm like, you are an asshole. And then he walks away. And his confidant has to come in and like do it for him and i'm standing there like oh my god i'm gonna i'm gonna explode i'm this i'm so mad and i'm just like in the wheelchair like that's my dad yeah i'm his fucking dad at this moment oh no he was so beefy he was a beefy guy yeah i could not really he would have snapped my neck he's like he's like you need to calm down yeah yeah he's telling me to calm down i'm like oh dude it was it was crazy and they finally take me and uh and yeah and basically uh do you ride an ambulance i did i took a fucking ambulance it sucked and and then i while i'm in the ambulance and while i end up at the hospital my my motion starts to come back very slowly it's actually still not 100 percent um

and apparently it's something called foot drop you compress something called the peroneal nerve and it's like a freak occurrence that can happen if you sit in a certain way that i've been sitting my whole life by honestly yeah anthony sits a little weird and he's always done that and it fucking and it sucked and i still don't have full mobility but i've talked to my doctor everything seems fine. It's like, you know, maybe we'll run some tests and shit. But it's basically a big nothing burger. And also.

I also missed the fucking event. I missed the flight. I came home. I was like, it was just a goddamn annoying mess. And I rolled my ankle really bad. Because I basically, I tried to stand and shift my weight to my left side, which was dumb, because there's no muscles in here that can support me because they weren't working, right?

So it's like the front foot is crazy. It does so much work. Yeah. You just stand on it, and it keeps you balanced. Your feet help you. Your feet help you. Feet do stuff. It's crazy.

When those muscles just go limp, which is what was happening, I just fell right over. And that's when I was like, oh, man. We'd be fucked if we had two peg leg. If we had two peg leg, we would suck. We'd have to bounce all the time. You're bad at bouncing. That's what happened.

What happened, because you say it, is we got to watch Spooderman. We did watch Spooderman. And that was fun. Spooderman, dude. Yeah, it was a fun time. I swear to you. You were mad. This is why I brought the tiny bat.

You know what? Anthony was so mad for the whole movie, dude. I am totally fine. I got over it in the middle when I realized nothing was going to change and that every time someone came on the screen, there was going to be cheering and clapping. Without spoilers, you've seen the trailers. It's a multiverse thing. It's a mashup.

It's a multiverse and you get some cool fan service to some other Spider-Mans. Every time someone showed up, the audience would clap. Every time. Oh my God. Apparently, it's a cameo. There's a Daredevil cameo. Yeah. It's like from the Netflix show. Yeah.

He shows up as Peter Parker's lawyer like early on, and people are like, Oh! Yeah, people clap. I didn't know who that was. I knew who it was, and I tried to explain it to Slime,

and I was like, I didn't care. He's from Netflix, so it's cooler. And I didn't care. And he was like, I don't care. It's like,

and I was being fine in the theater. It's just that the people were behind me are like oh shit yeah i'm with slime i shut the fuck up during a movie me i'm the biggest enjoy i'm cool with gasps i'm cool with like the oh or like what early laughter but like dude like shut up they're just casting people just shut up disagree it's just a casting i think clapping's fine i think it's good they would just clap and cheer because the guy was on the screen. And no one can hear you. No one can hear you on the screen. No hear you laugh. It's still worth laughing, you know?

But you're laughing because it's a normal reaction. It's like you're enjoying something. When that happens, you're just like, guy! Dude, I cannot handle it. I feel like... Some people are clappers. I think what I connect to Anthony on here is when you're laughing

at a movie, you're laughing. The movie's doing its job. But when you fucking clap and cheer at an actor, you just want the other people, you want the community of being there.

You just want to know that to the other people, you want them to know that you like Tobey Maguire. It's like, you're fucking here. I am okay with a clapping because I am an

inopportune time laugher. You can't. You're a cunt. What was the joke? Do you remember what the joke was? No, I am okay with a clapping because I am an inopportune time laugher. You can't. You're a cunt. What was the joke? Do you remember what the joke was? No, I don't. That we had another Ludwig moment in the theater. Fuck, I wish I could remember the scene in the movie.

But it was right at the beginning, and there was a really lame line. No one in the theater laughed. And Ludwig let out a huge, ha ha. That's the thing. Ludwig doesn't laugh at funny parts of movies. Ludwig let out a huge... Ha ha! That's the thing. Ludwig doesn't laugh at funny parts of movies. Ludwig laughs... That's just stupid funny.

He laughs at the juxtaposition of bad parts of movies. I remember what it was. I remember what it was. It was the math joke. Peter makes a joke that the punchline is math that you can see coming

from like a mile away. And you were the only one in the theater who laughed. Here's the secret lore. Aiden, also tough to go that you can see coming from like a mile away. And then you were the only one to laugh. Here's the secret lore. Aiden, also tough to go to the movies with. What? How so? I like Aiden in the movies.

I can't believe this. How so? He is so unjustifiably mad at me. That's a classic. He laughs way too loud and also at weird times. Okay, look. You just have a problem with loud volumes. But that's alright.

I don't blame him for that. I can't believe it. His laughs are wrong. Your laughs are wrong. Slightly wrong, but very loud. This is the Anthony. This is the Anthony

where Anthony goes like, yeah, Aiden's actually a psychopath. Aiden is like this complete sociopath has no grasp on the emotions of other humans, but it's okay. That's right.

And I accept you for that. That's right. And it's what you do. But he's got to say him because he's a psychopath because he's laughing at funny parts. When I was laughing in the movie when I was laughing in the movie was when other people were laughing. No, no, because you were alone. But you don't know that because you don't know

when sounds are happening around you. No, that's not true. No, that's not true. No, god damn you know. I was the only one paying attention to the other people. You're the psychopath because you're a Grinch. Not true. We all know that he laughed when other people didn't. We all know that. But you did people didn't. We all know that. But you did too. There's a third witness.

You did too. But hold on. Let me just really quick, just so I can intervene. You're arguing that he was laughing during the movie? Yeah. Me? His ultimate argument. He's laughing during times that are also inopportune, like Ludwig, but not as severe as Ludwig.

Does this make sense? Ludwig won't laugh. So Zipper's right there just looking at us. Shut the fuck up. Listen to me. So Zipper's standing right there, right? And then Ludwig will be like, but then Zipper will do something like, you know, he'll

put his goggles on and he'll just snap them to his head, right? Just a minor little detail. And then Aiden will go, also alone. Also alone. It sounds like he's enjoying the film. Yeah.

That's what I'm getting ass lit for right now. If you're going to give him shit. For enjoying the movie. No, if you're going to give Ludwig shit, which he does and we do, you need to give Aiden shit because he's doing the same thing. But I'm not really giving Ludwig shit.

I just think it's funny that Ludwig laughs like that. He does, like, does a ha-ha. When he's just like,. I just think it's funny that Ludwig laughs like that. He does a ha-ha? When he's just like, ha! I just find that funny. But if what you're describing as Aiden is doing is that he's laughing at the movie, then I can't get on your side. Ludwig's laugh sounds like a charity laugh. But he's laughing in a funny way.

Because he doesn't laugh like that. Oh, God. That's why you think this whole time. This whole time I thought we were the same. But now it's just me and my tiny bat. You're by yourself and your tiny bat yelling at the kids for laughing. Also, he gets- Anthony, I'm just talking about the movie after it's over.

No, because Aiden- Dude, let me say this. I got pissed at Aiden. Please defend me. Because he's seen five fucking movies. Let love it. He's seen five fucking movies and he thinks he knows about film. Go ahead.

Dude, okay, so here's what happens, right? We're leaving the theater. You're so stupid, Aiden. And this is actually all me that sets this off because I do a classic like, what did you guys think about it? You're the best and worst. And then they go off for like a while. The whole car ride home.

About it. And then there's a lull in the car and then I say this, I think it was good. It sets off a shit storm. No way. It sets off a shit storm where Aiden goes, yeah, well, I just like, I can appreciate that like in this movie they took like bigger risks

than they would in other movies and then it sounds like nothing that was done here was subversive in any way, shape, or form. Everything has been done in theaters before

and films before. Literally nothing is done here. And I like the movie. I think it's great. And then Aiden pauses and he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're so fucking stupid. You're so fucking stupid. Shut up. And then Aiden goes, all I's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's so fucking stupid. You're fucking stupid. Shut up. Fuck you. And he goes, all I'm saying is in the context of a Marvel movie, that's what should matter. That's not even what I said. You're making shit up. It's a little more subversive.

I'm so mad because this is what happens every time. I say something and then he draws the worst possible conclusion from it. And then finally, after arguing and me explaining my point in as many sentences as possible, at the end of that conversation, Anthony is like, yeah, okay, that makes sense. That's not what you said. That's the worst part. You move goalposts and you fucking move all the goalposts all the time in that conversation. Yes, you did.

The point that created the majority of the argument was all this. I can't explain this fully because it does spoil something huge. But I was like, their commitment to that character dying is subversive because of the expectations that specifically Marvel movies set. Which no one cares about. The funny parts that you had the argument. And he was like, it's not subversive because this is a common plot point in any movie. Look. No, I understand that. the expectations that specifically Marvel movies set. We're getting into the argument which no one cares about. The funny parts that you had the argument. And he was like, it's not subversive

because this is a common plot point in any movie. Look, hey. No, that's, I understand that. I've watched movies. I've seen these plot arcs happen. I haven't watched them.

I saw the mic. I saw the mic. They can't hear you. You know what else I hate about this? Every time he's like, you haven't seen movies. I've seen so many movies. The two times that pop culture

knowledge has been put to the test, once on Atriox Stream, once on Mogul Money, why are you bringing this up like a fucking he's a hero times this has happened both times this has happened you come into the competition so hot you're like i've seen so many things i'll know all the answers both times you have lost damn oh he's held on to that trivia loser you have just seen a bunch of old movies and you think that means that you understand a bunch of things. Oh, you think I saw old movies. Can we do a head-to-head trivia knowledge?

Can we settle this? I would love to. We've done that and he lost. We did that and he lost. Where's the bear knife? I'll set it up. I'm going to slit your goddamn throat in the snow. It's going to be beautiful. I'll set it up. I'm setting up a head-to-head trivia battle. What's the stakes?

Oh, ooh, ooh. I mean, it's just Lifetime. Like, you can never say an opinion about a movie. Like, here's the stakes. You have to agree with every opinion I will ever have about a film ever. And vice versa. Or better yet, what about Twitter bio? Amen is smarter.

We could also do that. I'm down with that too. But basically, if he says American Ultra sucks, which is a thing he said, then I would have to agree with that. I didn't say it sucked. He said it was a two out of five. That's 40%.

It's not passing. I cannot believe you are walking this back right now. You said American Ultra. Anyway, look. I didn't say that. You just said something I didn't say. What did you say about American Ultra? He said two out of five. I gave it a rating. I said I think that. You just said something I didn't say. What did you say about American Ultra? He said two out of five.

I gave it a rating. I said I think that was like a two out of five. If Nick says it, it's probably right because he remembers stuff. I guess I'm sorry. I guess two out of five means it's good. This is the exact scenario. This is social network all over again. Look, I agreed with Anthony that Aiden was calling American Ultra bad.

But I think when you use it in this argument, I'm not on your side. Because... Hey, save for the trivia battle, gentlemen. He's allowed to not like the movie. Even though he's dumb for it. Oh, yeah, but no. The way he vehemently defends opinions that he does not...

The slime? He's backed up by nothing. The slime? No's backed up by nothing. The slime? No, it's not. I think specifically in the context of the Spider-Man movie, one thing, is that at the end of the conversation, is that we actually agree about these things. Say it to my face. We actually agree.

Say it to my bear knife. It does sound like a case of, you said one thing which made Anthony think you meant something else, so he argued to that, then you fully explained your thought, and then he agreed with you, but he is now talking about what you first said because he thinks you shifted the goalpost in the second part of the argument. I guess?

Here, here, here's a, here's a, here's a, here's a, wrap it up, wrap it up. This has nothing to do with trivia. This is nothing to do with trivia. This is us walking out of the movie theater. Wrap it up. Ludwig's going to lose it. No, no, no. Wrap it up. This has nothing to do with trivia. This has nothing to do with trivia. This is us walking out of the movie theater. He first asks, did you like the movie? Don't tap me.

I'm out of this. That's also what I don't like. He asks the question, and Ludwig's like, well, that was pretty good, huh? And again, I'm so sensitive to conversations in public that are very dumb. It's like I'm with two of my dads. And I'm not saying they're wrong. I'm saying I've got fucking brain worms. This is the guy who yells,

you're my chocolatey boy, and the Starbucks drive-thru. But it's so condensed. You guys are experiencing what I experienced when I said it's good, because they have not shut the fuck up since I brought up that. I said the movie was good.

I said I enjoyed that. And then I said, it started off a little slow. Oh, yeah. It started off a little slow, but I said the movie was good. I said I enjoyed that. And then I was like, and then I said, it started off like a little slow. Oh yeah. It started off a little slow, but I thought the second half was good and it kind of like made up for it. And then Anthony like immediately gets mad and he's like, we should

only judge movies as holistic products. As if what I've said is like inherently offensive. And like, I also preface this by saying the movie was good. And to the seven people that are still watching, I think, I think the way that Anthony probably heard it was like, yeah,

it kind of like, you know, it started off establishing the characters and then the action started to rise. Um, and then eventually it reached like a good climax, but then they resolved it all. That's not what I said.

I bet that's how he interpreted it. That's right. I can tell from the way he's mad that that's like That's not what I said. That's how I interpreted it. I bet that's how he interpreted it. That's right. I can tell from the way he's mad that that's how he heard what you said. That's right. I think what has happened over time since moving in is Anthony has latched on

to two very specific scenarios with me and movies. You're culturally bankrupt in all media because you listen to New Jibbies and watch fucking two Aaron Sorkin videos and you think it's the best media ever because you just don't investigate shit

and that's okay but then you defend it like you're right but you just don't know enough about the world to be right. I haven't defended Aaron Sorkin. You say that again. I haven't defended Aaron Sorkin one time.

I said, I just like the social network and it's morphed into me like posting on forums defending Aaron Sorkin. I just don't understand. It's always been. Hey, this guy's never been a Rome, and this guy thinks American Ultra sucks. Let's wrap it up. That's all I got to say about that.

Sorry, let's wrap up this segment because Ludwig is losing his mind. It's the end of the pod, actually. I appreciate that. We're there? We're there? Yeah, yeah. Okay, well, that was a good place to have that insane argument. So to the 15 people left, hey, thanks for watching.

Wait, wait, wait. Leave a comment below who is more of a sociopath in this scenario, by the way, between Aiden and Anthony. Because, A, we know me and Nick are in the clear today. Yeah, we're fucking clear. My fights are those of passion, and his are of just needing to be right. Regardless of emotion. Gaslight gate keys bald.

What were you going to say? Don't show us. Oh, the sun hitting it hurts my fucking heart. You like that? No. You like that shine? This is like the Gattaca movie. We're going to have to figure out what we do for the primo. If you want another hour in this goddamn backyard, you can sub to the primo. Yeah. Sub to the primo. I'll tell you the

stories, the two most prevalent stories of the town uh i'll tell you i'll tell you the stories the two most uh prevalent stories of the town i grew up in one involves a car getaway and the other involves a teacher and um a murder a murder yeah so you can join the patreon listen to our primo episode we're gonna do another hour and uh thanks for watchingwig, thanks for inviting us to your childhood home. Hello, Clarice. We're doing Moaners Got Talent. That's our content now. It's moan content. Anyway, thanks for watching, guys. See you later.

Goodbye.