The Yard - Ep. 259 - Becoming a Family Man

Episode Date: July 15, 2026

This week, the boys talk about Ludwig's new announcement, seeing The Odyssey, and Ludwig throwing the opening pitch at the Dodgers game! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you guys see Johnny Depp in the last 10 years? The secret window. The back of my eyelids. That is so old, by the way. I'm surprised you know about it. I know this. I've seen the secret. My sister used to love Johnny Depp.

I've seen every Johnny Depp movie. Oh. You've seen every Johnny Depp movie. Every single Johnny Depp movie. Every single Johnny Depp fucking IMDB. If you want to pull up the Johnny Depp IMDB, it's, uh-oh, right here. In your mind? Yeah, it's in my mind.

Okay, what is his first movie? Blow. Blow is very late, man. Uh, his first movie, probably what's eating Gilbert Crape or some. shit. That woman's got me drinking. Zipper, this is a discography. Oh, this is his music? I'm high. I said

1994. His first movie, yeah, let me go. What's Eating? Or 21 Jump Street, I guess it's a TV show. It's 21 Jump Street. Johnny, that belonged in like Jackass or something. Do you feel what I'm saying? Like, he's this weirdly handsome guy who is kind of not handsome

anymore, but is? He's not handsome anymore because he got old. Yeah, but the jackass guys also got old and they're still handsome. Dude, you understand what I'm saying. My girlfriend keeps talking about Johnny Knoxville. She keeps talking about how hot Johnny Knoxville. Johnny Knoxville's a looker. There is this like trend I see on TikTok and it's like, it's like guys getting

uglier and it's like this is what happens when you, and then they insert whatever. And it's just a guy 30 years older. Like they're doing Mark Wahlberg and it's like, yeah, a nice 4 a.m. routine. And it was showing Mark at 20 and he looks awesome. Yeah. And then Mark Nau. And it looks different. And it looks worse.

Guys when they get older. Yes. That's actually the trend. I think this is fair though. What? Like girls making us feel bad about turning like 30 years older. So we've kind of hypnotized them for a hundred years to like do like pretty much wear makeup and you know. I did see a funny tweet.

It was like a super fit girl. And it was like, see, girls don't have to work out. We just want a mom bod like this. Yeah. Chiseled out. Yeah. But I think there's a little bit of wiggle room to make it. No, no, they don't get to throw stones.

Wow. The left, I get the Sunsay allegations. The problem is that Mark Wahlberg in this photo particularly looks kind of pathetic and weird and crazy. Think people tell Mark Wahlberg he looks like Sunsay? There's gotta be maybe like one guy. Does he have kids? Maybe if he has kids. He's kids for sure.

I don't know if Sunsay is in the top five on earth though. You know what I mean? like he probably gets it all the time for other people. Nick likes so many more people. He beat Leffin. He beat Leffin. That makes him top five on Earth. Like I think I also lost the Josh's Marth.

Everyone loses a Josh's Marth. Yeah, Josh's Marth is a bit of a killer. He actually lost the Josh's Marth in a, how do you say pathetic without being mean? Does anyone know? You know who really loses the Josh's Marth is Josh's girlfriend? When you see him play it and she's like, aren't you're done playing the game, right? You're not picking up like another. character you're like

quit soon? He's like, oh yeah, I'm just playing for fun. Don't worry about it. Falcon too. You just said, how do you say it not a mean way? And then I was going to say, when are you ever concerned

about saying something not in the mean way? Well, I mean all the time. You just, I don't say something mean every time I open my mouth out of week. Every single time I open my mouth, you're on the fucking phone. Yeah. You're on the fucking phone, you child molester.

I'm on the, I'm in the topics channel that everybody else besides me stopped using five years ago that I do check on the show that I literally do on every episode on the episode see this is what I'm trying to talk about I'm trying

I didn't get the chance to say something nice because he's on his fucking phone this is actually great with the power of movie magic we'll often stay on one side of the podcast set during periods of time

where I'm archie to conceal your ineptitude it's crazy because we've been doing it We've been doing it hundreds of episodes. Hundreds. Aiden sometimes treats this podcast like a checkbox in his Monday board. Yeah.

And he's like, I gotta get to this. What is the most efficient way to run it? Oh, robot, robot loading. We're podcasting robot loading. And it's because he's got a lot on his plate. Sorry, I'm in yard topic dump. What's the top of the last 500 messages are just me? Why do you think that is?

At this point, bro, just make a notes out. Yeah, I use my notes. I have one, but it's my notes up. I don't have one. I mean, I have my notes out. The thing is, and I appreciate you guys come to the yard with all these topics, whatnot, right? I'm a family man now. Really?

What, you keep saying? You keep saying. You're about talking about family. Well, I get it. 30 years old doing your fucking podcast. That's cool. Yeah. I'm starting a family.

I see. Starting a family. This is because you're engaged. I'm engaged. Do you mean like... I don't get a ring, but, like, signifies that I would have. Do you mean like La Familia? Huh?

What? doing the thing where somebody, like, they get engaged and they're going to be married and they say that that is starting a family. Jealousy. Are you jealous of him? Oh my God.

He's your friend. You know, he's your friend. He would be first in line to the jealousy factory for you being engaged. He would be waving a fucking sign with a voo-vozella. We might go to fucking Sweden. It's not starting to fit.

That would be great. And I'll tell you how easy it is for me to get some citizenship. Dude, race him. I go to that fucking, I go to that fucking, uh, Swedish consulate. I go to, cool. Dude, don't do that. I do this.

Stop. Do not do it again. Do not do it again. Ew. Tap it on the tongue is fine. Don't do the same. Stop. That's so bad.

Really crap. Rock on though. I like that. That's awful. That's what I would do. Show that to the Chinese lovely fans, huh? You know, I like how. You guys right into the Chinese.

I like how it's. He's so emotional. mature when he says he'll walk into the Swedish consulate and just finger bangs. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. That's you, that's you. That's you. You don't get to say it in an academic sense. You don't get to say it in an academic sense. I'm quoting it. No, you can't do it. I quoted it in a song. Also, I want to clarify, I'm not fingering. What? What are you doing then?

Are you petting? It's a hand job. It's a... What's a hand job is that? No, guys can give hand jobs. I think. that's right makes sense. For the butthole? I'm tapping the back of the balls. Are you doing a that? No one thought that. Taint tap. If you have, if you have gay sex consistently in the comments, tell me if this is something that you identified. Right here. With who? With who?

All the, all the guys are pissed off that I'm starting a family now. Dude, who is, no, it's only Aiden. It's only Aiden's on the list. No, fucking squeaks is fuming, bro. What are you talking about this family thing? What does this even mean? Dude, like, I get it. Why would Tweaks be feeling if this is the bar for what a family is, y'all, right? I'm engaged now. Tweaks is further along with this. We're starting a family, y'all. Like, I get that, like, would you do play the street fighter before this or something?

I'd be just guessing. You saw me. I was practicing. That's behind you, though. Would it know. I'm a family man. You literally said, I need to change my thumb button so I can DIY better. I would be really good.

I need to change my thumb button so I can go to the console to do this. No, don't do it. No. Archie censor it now. Now I'm tapping the thumb. I don't like it. Are you. Are you squeezing my balls?

I'm tapping the front and the back of it. Of my balls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, not yours. The Swedish consulate guy. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, what?

I don't know you guys are coming at me. Well, we, I was coming at Aiden. I was coming at Aden and you kind of took Agro by say, keep saying this. Yeah. So I'll humor you Ludwig. What are you talking about? I got engaged. Yeah.

Yeah. We see it. Okay. Yeah. And now I'm starting a family. And like I'm done with all this like kid shit. You don't I mean, like this influence. shit. Really? Yeah. It's behind

you. That's behind me, bro, because now I'm worried about my family. Before you go? That's what matters most in this fucking world. We got streamer games in three weeks. I would fucking kill every streamer Yeah. All right? Uh-huh. To protect my family for one night. So, cutie? Huh? My family, bro. It's a whole fucking

arc. It's like a structure. It's like a... She's in the family for one night. Yeah. What if Qudy was threatening your family as a streamer? I would suck. Oh, wow. Everyone. in this room off to completion. Okay. For one night

from my family. Well, guess what? What is the one night? Huh? Are you saying protected from death? Why would it be... Why would it be only... If I could give it,

what's the one more night? For my family. I said, I said if your family gets one more night alive, if you suck off... Every single person in this room.

No! Don't, aren't you censored. Dude, you are really licking it, too. Dude, I don't... Like, you're licking the fingerprint. Like it. One more night. Stop.

If you, okay, so you were saying you will blow beef cake. You will chakra him on. Shockre ad and live on television. And you will ride with asshole. And time square, you will chakrate and. For one more night from my family. With the carrot billboard, you know. Anything getting chakra on the carrot billboard?

And you're just like, he's got like this sweaty eye guy. This is just shit y'all wouldn't get. But it's like, when you start a family, like you think your shit like this. I'm closer to this than you. I'm closer to this. Are you engaged?

Are you engaged? No. I don't believe in the institution of marriage. Right. Oh, that's, I'm sure she doesn't like that. So you don't believe in family. So you don't believe in families would that mean.

No? You can be, uh, you have a family about being married. You're, you're like, you're my family. I'm not married to you. I'm your family. You're like my, uh, you're like my, uh, you're like my, uh, you're like my, uh, you're like my, your gay older brother.

I mean, what are we doing? Everyone has one. We just spent the first 20 minutes of the episode of miming, touching somebody's balls and he tends my gay younger brother. Find my uncle. I'm straight? Yeah, you're straight. I guess I'm straight.

You're my straight. I'm a straight uncle. Straight uncle. Cool. My strong uncle. That's an arrow. No, it's different though when it's blood. Okay, so what?

Just walk me through a new day in your life right now. I have your priority shift. Now that you have your family. What is your new day? And so much has changed. How does a family man wake? Does he still watch 20 minutes of YouTube short when he wakes up? It's a waste of time, bro.

No, when you got a family. I wake up 4 a.m. now. 4 a.m. First thing I do, prayer. Prayer. Okay. Yeah. So you're on Walburg time.

I pray for one more night. Yeah. That's it. And that's the thing is you take it one night at a time. Yeah. Because you don't know how many you get. You don't know when your last is here. He's saying, you say Prophet Allah.

Prophet Muhammad. One more night. Please, bro. Let a gangster ride one more night. Bye. So we're promised two things in this world, y'all. It feels like you. We're promised life.

Okay? And I promise, a great fucking time if I'm around. Just like, don't. A great fucking time if I'm around. I promise you that shit. I'm wondering. And so I'm trying to get every single squeeze,

every drop out of that lemon in between. Every drop. Why do you live in fear of it only lasting one more night? I want one more, bro. That's all you did. Yeah, but I think realistically. I want one more fucking night. That's it.

Okay. It can be more than that. Tomorrow I'm going to ask for one more two. I think you're going to be... The day after that, I'll ask for another night. It just seems like an anxious way to live. One more night after that, I'll be asking for one more night after that. So you keep stressing the one more night part, and I love that.

But what has changed? Do you want to get to 405 or what? What don't you get about what he's saying? I think I'm asking what's different about his life now. I'm telling you, I wake up... A, I have a family now. B, I now wake up at 4 a.m. Did I used to wake up at 4 a year?

Who's in your family? Huh? Is it the same amount of people? people in your family than it was before you were engaged to be married. Did you not have a family before you were engaged? No. Really? So what did you consider cutie Cinderella?

Yeah. Wow. The whole time. A girlfriend with that face. I'm doing a face. But now the marriage is like a third body. It's almost like a child. Yes.

You know what I mean? He's exactly right. This guy gets it. You didn't care of it like it's the third. So you know how we're all God's children. So when you, yeah,

but like Jesus is really ghost child. Like there's a car. But Jesus is like also God is where I get lost. There's a car out. When you have a child, when you have a child,

you'll have a family of four. Huh? When I have a child, I have a family of four. That's what you're saying to me right now. When I have a child, I have a family of,

well, no, hold on. Don't block the graphic tea. Let's check it out. What are you going on? What are you on block the graphic tea? What is he? What even is that?

Oh, all done, man. Yeah. This is me. Before I had a family. to remember how lax, lazy, laxadaisical. Yeah, I could like, every day is like, what am I gonna do today? Oh, video games can be. I mean, you'll jerk off and play video games.

Yeah. That's what I used to be like. What you used to do like, like eight days ago. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy to think back that far, but yeah. Yeah. That is what I used to be like.

And then you do, sorry, continue. You do what now? You wake up before. You pray. You came late to the podcast today. I can tell you why. Why? Taking care of my family.

Yeah. Oh my God. I see that now. Yep. I see that now and I feel blind for not having seen it before. Because when I went outside, I don't know if you guys know this, I went outside, it's overcast today. So I called up the skies. Do you call the skies?

I said, I've been praying for one more night for my family. Yeah. For days now. Wow. Don't do this to me. Because you thought maybe it was your day. Well, you thought it was going to be their last day because of a storm? And that's the things you worry about.

It's almost irrational. You could almost find irrationality in it. Guy who didn't see the answer. Odyssey too, by the way. Because like, you see a storm, you know what that means. Oh my God. It's an omen. Now, do me a favor. Check the weather report. I saved us all. You, you altered the weather.

You saw the fucking Odyssey? In Los Angeles. That's what this all is? No. I got engaged. No. I don't think, I don't, to be fair, he'll do this thing where he sees a movie and he'll just talk about it all that. It's the one thing that takes the ram slot in his mind. I don't think this is the case for this. I don't think so. I think so. I think it does have to do with this weird

Mark Wahlberg fucking thing that he's fucking found and is doing and think about and he's like a family guy. I buy plane tickets for flights I won't even go on just in case the terrorist goes on so I can say I would have stopped it every day. Every day. Do you have to buy one every day? I buy one every day. And every day I'm in terrorist group chats saying maybe this one. Maybe I'll take the middle seat that I bought in coach.

Maybe I'll fucking take it this time. You're in terrorist group chats? Me. Me? Yeah, yeah. I'm in the CIA. I'm adding fake Mark Wahlberg accounts to telegram chats. Just in a lot of it.

Yeah. Yeah. So Ludwig, before the podcast, we were all just sitting and waiting and he comes up and he does mention, I have a family now. So this is, something has happened and something is shifted. And it sounds like a very annoying era in Ludwig's life. How long is it going to be? How long is? this whole thing.

We don't know. It sounds like it we're just going to take it one day at a time. Right. Yeah, but like just specifically today like I gotta get back to my family.

Hour and a half. Hour and a half. Always do an hour and a half. Can I do an hour 29? No. Well, you could probably an hour 15 left. I'm gonna leave early.

You have to get you have to stop me but I'm going back to my family so it'll be tough for you. You got to give your one minute of pay away. Was that pay away? You can sell your minutes. Two words.

I can sell my minutes. Your pay away. Oh, I can pay away. you made it into one word. I genuinely would pay anything for another minute with them. Really? Right.

There's not a number. What would you pay for two? What would you pay for two minutes? Anything again? I've spent it all on one, so I would just, I'd have to beg for two. You're willing to beg.

You'd spend it all on one and then beg for every other minute. Yeah, there's no, there's no pride. You don't think there's a better. Strat there. By the way, Odyssey vibes? Beggar.

A hundred percent. Ah, you better. Begger. Plate liquor Plate liquor! You fucking dirty I'm Robert Patton and I have crows feet now Are you fucking plate liquor? Did you guys all see it?

Yes, dude. Yes, dude, I actually We saw it in IMAX. You'll piss me off. You'll piss me off about Odyssey spoiler earlier. Okay. It's because they got a hell of British people in that movie who are speaking with their American accents

except for fucking Mia Gough who's just British. She just gets to speak British. She just gets to what? She can't do one? That is random. Can you only speak British? You only can speak that one.

American was that shit. They were like, just do whatever. And does she just not have eyebrows? Is that the thing? I think they're very, I think they're the color of blonde. Okay. They don't want. She's the only person that looks like that.

It's a unique look. She just doesn't have eyebrows. They're blonde. No, they're blonde. She's beautiful. That's fucked up. She's beautiful. It's just it's different.

But she's done in American accent in movies before. Not in the Odyssey. Plate liquor. Plate liquor. My girl on the way home was like, Odyssey, these nuts. She'd never heard it. or came up with it.

And I like woke. I realized she had made it herself. Right. Completely uniquely. Invented it from first principles. Yeah, I went good job. Like when the kid comes with a crayon drawing.

That's amazing. Oh my God, it's a house. And we're going to put it right here. And we're going to keep this. Wait, what's the middle of your married day? So you prayed in the middle.

We're at 406. We're, you pray for how many hours? I prayed for five minutes. You prayed. I woke up at 4. I'm at 4.m. I know it's PM.

No, I'm a 406 right now. Yeah. I'm done prayer. Yeah, and then. Ice bath. Ice bath. I see. Awaken the nerves.

And then at 7 a.m. You're in the ice for three hours. You did. Two hours, 54 minutes, but yeah. You're in the ice. I'm trying to add more time, but yeah. Right. I'm just in the ice.

How does it feel? Don't you feel like there's diminishing returns? It feels like losing my family. And that's why I like to be in there. Right. Yeah. Because I want to remember why I prayed. all that time for another night.

Do you want to remember why you prayed for the four to six minutes? Because if I don't, then it'll feel like this forever. Every morning, 4 a.m., boom, ice bucket hits your head. You wake up immediately. Oculus Rift drops from the ceiling. You got to put it on. A guy to slap your girl's ass at the bar. You have to fight them to the death.

Engage simulation. Engage simulation. You got to beat the guy's ass who slapped you your girl's ass every single morning. Take it off. Immediately pray. I would. For the blessings upon a, upon, honest. Yeah. Yeah.

That is kind of my day in the life right now. You ice bath your mind? Now it's ice bath your body time. Get into the ice bath. I have a question. Would you kill for your family? I would if you had to. Kill again, yes.

I would. Right. Who have you killed? Who or what have you killed? I will say I shouldn't. Allegedly. Can you say allegedly? Allegedly. I'm not trying to like fucking. In Minecraft. Allegedly. a guy slapped my girl's ass

So allegedly I had An old crossbow that I used to use That I challenged him to string up Yeah And he couldn't string it up And there's no other weapons in the room Yeah yeah yeah

And I showed him I could string it up And you sure And then I fucking Boom boom boom boom It was very honorable Because before you strung it up You actually gave him a warning sign You got a fair fight

Were you there? And he ran Yeah well I just know how he is This story been told by a bunch of people. This is also family man kind of, I've been studying a lot of family. And I put seven in them. A lot of family men do this? A lot of family men do this.

Crossbow, why is it a crossbow instead of a normal bow? Yeah. Or a gun. Man, old fashioned. Don't fuck with it. I like the shooting action. Ah. I like the shooting.

That's why you don't like a gun. I like the shooting action. Yeah. Damn, you really are in your 30s now. Getting inspired by old head antiquity shit. Do you have any advice? Like me? Start a family.

Kind of become a family, man. How about that? Start a fan. All three, y'all. I don't know how. Huh? I don't know how. Yeah, that's a tough spot.

I have a family. I have a family. No, yeah, okay. What? Left hand, right hand. Dude, dude. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Dude. Chill. Shogging your shit. Chill. I mean, yes. Okay, you're allowed to speak now, but

I don't know. I'm not going to really listen after what he just fucking told you. Whatever you say, it goes into a part of my mind, it deletes it. Me. My girlfriend. Yeah. Oh, girlfriend? My Your big machine

masturbates you. It's my giant VR system. Let me just ask where you were this last weekend. Like, were you with your family? No. Would you describe to everyone listening and us what you did this weekend with as much detail in the content?

of it. I was in Chicago with my Mario Kart Klan. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh. They were called clients back then. Right. So you're in you're with the clan in Chicago. You and the clan went to Chicago?

I didn't think Chicago is an area where the Klan would meet up. And I say, guys, it's about time to start saying team. We should just say team. But the Klan said no. No, the Klan voted no. And you have to buckle to the will of the Klan. And I will run to. They got the claim leader.

You're not the clan leader. The guy who runs is like, oh, it's a clan. And then I turn to the Grand Wizard. Yeah. And I say, what do we call it? Excuse me, Elder Dragon. Can we change the name? He said, no.

So that's what I was, and that's like a family. What did you do? What did you do? Yeah, what did you do with your clan? Do you do family things? We played in a sports tournament. We played a little basketball, little wiffle ball.

You played wiffle ball. We played a wiffleball. It was actually so funny. Ludwig called me in the middle of the game, and I picked up the phone, and I just said, I just said like, oh, sorry, I didn't pick up earlier.

I was playing baseball. And then he was like, we have a whole conversation. And then at the end, he's like, you were playing baseball. I did jump check this. Because I thought it would be softball.

I thought it would be softball. Yeah. So I instantly jump check because it was like, there's no way you're playing baseball. You're playing baseball. And then you go whiffle ball. It's like, it's like baseball.

Baseball, softball, whiffle ball. It's like down here. Whiffle ball is a respectable activity to do. You shouldn't call baseball, but it's respectful. It's just easier to hit the ball. It's easier to pitch the ball. Yeah. But whiffleball.

Calling a baseball is crazy because he probably said it like, you know, I was playing baseball. He said it like so, yeah, it was my baseball. Like you would say it to his dad. Yes. I get so much pro-wiffle ball in my shorts algorithm. Yeah, there's a lot of, there's a lot of football. There's a lot of pro-whiffle ball.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I get a lot of that shit. And it's like, bro. cheated while pitching. They're getting sweaty and competitive. It's really weird, but I respect it. I like the pitching. It seems like actual skill sometimes.

Yeah, but there's a couple of guys who did shirtless Mario Party. I can see where their heads at with like making it competitive. But I don't know, I was like an MLB pitcher, like I don't... Oh my God. Oh, you're so many things right now. You're a things guy right now. He started a family. You joined the MLB. Yeah.

You didn't see this? I saw it. Oh, so you saw it. It was a great pitch. It was a great pitch. Well, no one else because it wasn't fucking podcast. How did you see it? Because I fucking didn't it at all. I only heard about it.

Because more social media push and social's like probably... How many other people pitched that day? Way to grow one lady and she was celebrating her 50th wedding anniversary. They let people just do that? Yeah, she was...

Was she before you? She was before me, yeah. I was the last pitch. Was she like famous? I was the last pitch for a wine hair at a time. She was the first pitch? Yeah, but first pitch is the worst pitch. Last pitch is the best pitch.

Because the last pitch goes after the national anthem, she was before the national anthem. There's just less people in the stadium. Close to the game time. Right, right, right. I can't think of much things I feel like, I do before the national anthem every day. It's called the first pitch. I don't like how there's a couple. It's called the opening pitch. You throw the first pitch. What are we doing? We're giving out a few first

kids. You lookie? Through the second pitch. I don't know what to tell you. You threw the second pitch. I threw the ceremonial first pitch. What did she throw? What is it? What was hers then? No, like a fucking. Her 50th anniversary just doesn't matter. For a long time. She got a pig prize. A pity prize. She's not just married.

She walked back. I go, a pity price. She started a family 50 years ago. She did. And for that, I actually saluted her. But then you mocked her.

Then I mocked her. Of course I mocked her. But I went, I went first off, beautiful family you started. I hope to be like you one day. Oh, nice throw underhand. She's underhand of the ball?

Oh my God. I don't think you should be allowed to do that. You shouldn't be allowed. You should have to try it. That's what Pete Wentz did. You did? Yeah. Wow.

Dipper, did you look up Pete Wentz pitch baseball? I think there's footage of this. People were mortified. That's pathetic if he threw on her hand. He threw it like, I don't think, okay, I don't think. He was probably in his 20s of, like, the very

latest. I don't know if Pete Wentz was the hottest guy we could think of. Yeah. Mosephase was actually gross for society. Dude, Haley in high school loved Pete Wentz, and I was looking at Pete Wentz. I'm like, I don't look like that. I don't even look close. He's a, he plays, he's a baseball player? Oh, that's not on her. No, that's not bad.

But it's a shit throw. That's a great pitch. It's way. It's not a great baseball. But I mean, for like a random guy. It made it a crazy. the plate, but if the catcher has to stand up, something's bad. Dude, I feel like a lot of people don't even make it across the plane. What is she wearing? He's dressed like a...

He's dressed like someone at, like, Genesis. He kind of Loki threw like a football. Like a guy in the mango line. Yeah. That's a crazy outfit. He's throwing this shit like a football. Yeah, he is. Yeah, he is kind of like...

I think he was afraid he wouldn't get it far enough. So he's arched in. That's dead as a spiral. This is way less bad than I remember it. It's not as bad. Because the internet at the time was like, look at this guy. We should kill him with hammers. Also Dodger Stadium.

Wow, we're the same. Worst first pitch is zipper. Let's see it. I'm trying to think who, because he's seen so many of these. 50 cent is like the iconic horse first pitch. Oh, right. I forgot how bad that was. 50 cent first pitch is like the, it's literally the one when the first pitch comes up that you're like, just don't be 50.

It's like, it's like on Ebaum's world. If you see a baseball gift, like one of them is 50 cent. He just threw it wild. I think it was just probably all power but no, it's weird because there's no power or accuracy. I cannot wait to see this. I love that he just released his fucking inhibition

just threw it, fuck it. Oh my God. He's a left, and then look at it. That was my bad. It's one of the worst in history. How did he do that even? I think also because the expectation

because he's like, you know, strong guy. Yeah, yeah. The windup didn't even look that bad at the beginning. Yeah, he just released it wrong. It's all about the release. It's what you learn. Right. You want to sit in it.

What? You want to sit in it? It's amazing. You have so much wisdom this week. I, brother, an hour with you? No. No. Oh my God.

I can teach you some things. He works for you. Huh? Work for you. Carly and Jefferson? Lick your fingers. Oh, my God. That's worse.

Girl. That is worse, but. I mean, Emmy Ruse was... It's also the devil race which is kind of embarrassing. Where are the devil race from?

That's crazy because you're Carl Lewis. Yeah. Because you're Carl Lewis. You're a fucking athlete. So Cincinnati mayor... Oh my God, bro. These are awesome. This is crazy.

He's a politician. We really... No. Michael... No, bro. No, no. No. How is he?

How does he fuck this out? Not MJ. This is sold out stadium Chicago Cubs. Am I crazy? Like how does he fuck this up? Oh my. How did he do that? He played baseball.

That's what you're supposed to do. This is way more interesting. It is. What if you just? Obama! And that's the picture? We're looking at a top 10. Dude, they gave him on.

He's eating a glizzy. Top 10 worst. He's a lefty? Oh, Baroque. Oh, my God. Young man. I voted for Lachken and Presently. Hold up.

I'm way better than these fucks. Are we watching like a compilation of that worst of all time. Yeah, yeah. But Nolan Ryan, just to be clear, is like one of the greatest baseball players all time. Yeah, you're allowed to. I think if he throw a bullshit one, it's fine. Oh. But see, he did something smart. He came in his business outfit. I think everyone else is wearing baseball jerseys. And then in my head, I'm like, oh, you know how to throw a baseball. But he was in, he was business mouth. He was business. Has his own cupcake. Oh, boy. Okay. Yeah. Wait, Fiddy's not the worst all time. Former best friends with Money Mayweather.

Oh, this is meant to be like. Oh, it's like a hello. It's supposed to be a jokey, funny. Yeah, it's very funny. John Waugh. Oh. Wait, Lee, he got a hand on it, though. He's wearing a crazy outfit on the left. Yeah, he is.

Who is it? Monique Evans, 2014 Miss Texas. Wait, she stuck that. Yeah, I think that was fine. That was kind of intentional. Yeah, yeah, that's just... Man, this accountant just kind of hates women. Yeah.

I think that was Loki fine. She got on her toe up. Dude, I'm logged all of them. Also, I found out I threw it faster than 54 miles an hour. Would you throw it at? Well, so what I did is I calculated the distance from the mound to home plate and the time it took to go across that. Okay.

And then did math. And it resulted in, I think, 53 miles an hour. But that's not what they used to determine the speed of a pitch. The speed of the pitch is not the average speed of its entire duration of travel. It's the speed when it crosses it. The speed when it exits the height. hand. It's the exit speed. Oh. So it's actually

the fastest point of the pitch. How does I measure that? Oh, this is it. I don't know how they measure it. Ludwig Anders. You know. Fucking money, bro. Honestly, bro. That's not a bad pitch. It's actually genuinely money as fuck. No one cares.

One more time. Hit that one more time. They genuinely, everyone in the stadium stood up and clapped. It's a great pitch. And I had fathers coming up to me who did not know who I was going great pitch. you must have a family. And I went, yes. How did you know?

Yeah, I do. Wow. And they would say, how big is your family? Wait, how big is it? You didn't have a family yet. And then,

and then there's actually one guy, I remember specifically who, yeah, he said, how big is your family? And I go through and I go too big to count. And he was like, do a four a am prayer? I was like, yes.

And he's like, you know this one? No. I was like, I was like, I was like, yes. I do that all the time. So, yeah, it was a fucking great day.

It's like this signal of like, awesome secret homosexual fatherhood where you just you just lick your two middle fingers you suck them really hard and then you tap it on it. Pine tar.

Pine tar, yeah. Pine tar on. The old secret the old pine tar handjobs? Yeah. Oh, ow. A lot of spin. Pits skin off.

A lot of spin. It is just on there. Yep. And it don't move. The death to us part. Oh. What's wrong, dude? What's wrong?

I've been eating out of diapers again. Oh my god, the diapers. Dude, I literally had a talk with them last week. We talked about the diapers. I had a one-on-one. I didn't have so many diapers again. Can we sidebar real quick? We can sidebar.

Yeah. I need help because I've been trying to deal with this problem. I've been taking into grocery stores, but I don't know if it's like too much work or if he's just too much of an idiot. He goes to Taco Bell. He dumps the guts of a contract Supreme like a damn swisher. And he puts it in a diaper and he fucking eats it. I just need help.

I need help. Does anyone have help? Does he he's been calling me? I, Oh, we want a hungry root. Hungry root? It makes the whole process simple. Maybe we present hunger to him

and they'll help him with a diaper. We need to make it a straightforward, ideally 60 second read to him. Otherwise, we're going to lose. Okay, sidebar over. We're back, man. We thought about it. So we have this thing.

It's called Hungry Route. It's not in a diaper. I'm out. It's going to be right. No, wait, wait, hold on. 15 minutes or less. What?

Yeah. And there's, Over 1,000 grocery items like salad kits, smoothies, and snacks. It's all high quality, very nutritious food. Would I know you like? If you think about it, kiddo, every meal is a diaper. So let me break down some of the meals that you could eat. Right.

Okay. Pork bon me. A bon me is just delicious meat inside of a diaper bun. Oh. Wow. And black and beef burger with avocado. The bun. What is a burger but a diaper with a meat?

But a meat diaper. Two diapers holding the food in between. Yes. The thing is, man, it'll be nutritious. It'll be quick to prepare. And honestly, bro, it'll be easier to hang around for you. I don't know. What's wrong with hanging out with me?

Nothing. But for a limited time, you can stop, you know, eating out of diapers and get 40% off your first box plus a free item in every box for life. Why am I get, go to hungarroot.com slash the yard and use code the yard. That's hungarroot.com slash the yard. Code the yard. Use code diaper play for 40% off your first box. That code doesn't work.

Code the yard does, though, to get 40. 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Hungaroo.com slash the yard or diaper play. No more diapers. Well, guys, I guess I'm going to be eating a lot more around you, won't I? Masturbation I was thinking about is funny because we're just tricking our bodies into thinking that we're having sex. Yes.

Our penis thinks that we're having sex. Well, I don't think your penis thinks is having sex. Of course it does. It comes. I don't think you can shoot sperm out into the pussy to make a baby. But my mind knows I'm watching V-Sau. Oh, hey Michael. Yeah, I don't think it's like,

because I think it's just nerve ending, you know? Your body, your penis thinks that it's having sex and is going to come into a pussy. I don't think the body can be aware of the having, because I don't think the sex part is what, or like the vagina. You're like, you're weirdly defensive of your penis being tricked.

It's being tricked. My penis knows what's going on. No, your penis gets tricked. Yeah, your penis is obviously being tricked. What about when you get a boner on the moped? As a family man for a moment. It just doesn't work like that. Is he?

Full stop. You can make a fool yourself, I don't mind. Kiddo, sit down. Do you understand what you just saw? What are you? Okay, family man, why are you talking to me like that? What do you mean? What are you trying to teach?

Just giving you a little something. Take back with you. Really? Yeah. Taking back wherever. Okay. You just told me I was wrong. And to live the rest of your life with something that you could take for the rest of your life.

And now for the rest of your life, you'll fucking be right. Because the penis head. Yeah, right? Is an ejaculate machine. With a bunch of nerve endings. It's being tricked. Yeah. Otherwise, it wouldn't burp.

The penis will burp for you if you trick it. The penis burbs if you trick it. That's what I'm trying to tell you. I'll pray on it. And the ball. Pray on it. That's all I can have about pray on. The balls won't know a thing.

Wait, are you so, if you pray on this. Yeah. Because you got that six minutes in the morning that you described, you're praying for your family. Yeah. So are you replacing some of that time? Are you adding time to prayer?

Maybe we skip a night. Excuse me. So, honey, I'm sorry. I had to think about whether or not my penis would be tripped. I had to pray. Ask it tonight. And if something happens tonight, that's why. It's kind of like if you're gambling in Vegas

and you're doing the side bets and then you pull your bet from the side bet and then it hits, that's what would happen. So it's like you can never stop playing the side bets. Right. Yeah. Because you feel really bad to pull. And then you say,

see like fucking three kings of spades. Do you play the side bet your entire life? Play the sidebed my entire life, bro. Have you guys ever been woken up by the, by needing to poop? But like then pooped and then gone back to sleep. You asked me, have you ever been woke? Um, whoa. That's, and that's a family, man.

That's a family, man. His families aren't woke. I'm still getting surprisingly more conservative. Wow. It's happening very quickly. I don't know. You try to see the world clearer. I don't know.

A child to defend, maybe. Right. You just see how it is. Can I take a quick long of you guys? I've done that. I've done that. I've woken up from needing a poop so bad that I'd get up and poop and go back to sleep. I'll say rest and peace, Lindsey Graham real quick. No, thank you for saying that.

So, yeah, this morning, actually, I had a dream I was pooping. I had to poop really bad. And I was at my childhood neighbor, my childhood neighbor and my childhood best friend's house. I had to poop really bad. And I took what I used to call a screamer. Yeah, I heard about your screamers. Took a screamer at my neighbor's house. It sounds like a firework.

It's crazy. The front of a screamer is hard, but the back is kind of soft. So I took a screamer, and it was such a mental release of like, oh, my God, I feel so much better now. And I immediately woke up in bed, really needing to poop. Was it a screamer? And then I took a screamer in real life. Wow. And it was this morning.

And I literally, you ever sit on the toilet like this? Your eyes don't open. Yeah. You ever have that? Yeah. I do that. I sometimes want to pee in the morning. Sometimes you're knees are kind of like this.

You know, you're... You just kind of... You know, like the codename kids next door, kid. Nick in his bathroom, too, he has this big... It's right near the toilet. It's a big cowbell.

And he just... He goes, Mike, my, mic, mic, mic, when it's a scream with that. It's the hunk alarm. The lunk alarm. The lunk alarm. It was like the cancer-free bell.

I do have to check for blood, for real, though. Do you know about fecal impactions? Um, no. Zibber, look a fever. Fecal Impactions, I want a video. I'm learning so much. Give me a video.

Is it gross? I'll watch it with you. If you don't look away, I won't look away. I've already seen it. I'll look again. Fecal impaction is a genuine medical ailment from forcing out poops that are too hard. And what happens is the fecal matter bursts from your normal.

It's like an animated gif. It's not actual poop. Not evacuated. This is voluntary evacuation. Give me like a short, brother. Give me like a YouTube short. Well, we can't watch a 10 minute video on the podcast. Can't we?

Uh, but yeah. Zipers matters. Zipers. Ships, yeah. You don't fucking short. Fecal and passion short. It's just very funny.

I'm assuming there is one. I can't watch them my person. Can't watch the long fecal impact for video Zipper. Of course. No, it's not always talking about it. It's okay. I'll tell you all.

Explain it. Be my short. Fecal impact is when you force a poopie out of your butt hull so hard that it bursts out. into your other cap. capillary veins and whatnot, and then you get a bacterial infection. How would that manifest in like your, like how would you look? Would you get jaundice or something? From the bacterial infection? I think it would like most bacterial infections. I don't think you get jaundice per se, but you might have like a incredibly sore anus and then and then some pus.

Like pus like out of your anus and it hurts really bad most days and whatnot. And like you go off to make a coin of term for it all like screamer. Right? Like something like that. And you can't go. You can only go to the calpollip or a bathroom because it's bathrooms are really powerful. Because the toilet flushes so hard that you can just get the evidence and just dispel it. But if you do it at home like that, you got to deal with it and then everyone else, the roommates have to deal with it. You live at a home that one bathroom doesn't even work. Why is that the case? Is that true? Yeah, but the guest bathroom didn't even work. The guest bathroom, yeah, you could only pee in it. Remember? It was no kind of sign.

And then people ignore the sign. And Miles peed in the sink more than he did in the toilet. More than he washed his hands for sure too. Yeah. Peeing in the sink and not washing your hands is is feral. File. What are you going to do? Wash it in the piss sink? Being in the sink and washing your hands at the same time. Because you're already turning the sink on to like rinse.

Yeah. It's like a bathroom. It's right there. You've ever seen the Japanese toilets where when you flush, they have a little sink that refills the water basin where the water. Japanese toilets are like those machines that like where it's like, it's like an organ and then you pull the thing and it makes a noise and then you pull like a cord on the top of shit. like all these cables come to the ceiling

Yeah, it's like the crazy organs Yeah, this, but it's just your piss coming out the top I mean, you lookie, you gotta sit on the toilet reverse style for this Oh my God, to wash after You should just stand up really quickly We gotta get rid of that squal rack, bro

It's, I think it's served its time You cannot spot someone on bench In that squat rack Because, okay, imagine you're benching, right? Yeah, and you can't get behind it. it's too big, it takes up the wall. You cannot, so usually you bench and you hold the bar from behind.

So to spot someone who's benching, you have to go and stand over them. We've been straddling each other. And straddling them. That's the chest. Yeah, it's like if you applied lotion to somebody's back from the front. By the way, you can squat from the back.

It just require, it's harder to get in. You'd have to wait, you'd have to make, you have to get in before the person lies down. Yeah, you're like trapped in there. Yes. Which is crazy. You could just pull it out. We could, but it's funny because it was like, I think it was Chris.

He's like, hey, can you, can someone get me? And Ludwig just starts walking over him. I'm like, he's, he's benching. He's going to drop it. He's like, no. And he's just standing. It's the most intimate thing in the world. Well, you know, you know, just rattling somebody, almost dick to dick.

Can you look up lifting weights makes you stronger with girlfriend? This is just like your Google history. Yeah. What is it? No, just like a, what's like you? I don't have a girlfriend.

So first off, what you mean? My bad. Family man activities. What I'm realizing is a family man like you watches more videos than ever.

There's this old meme and it was like a girl straddling and it was like this increases your testosterone and it makes you lift more. And that's all I was thinking about while I was straddling Christian.

I was like, one more. One more. One more. I'm here for you. Yeah, that's an old meme. Do you guys remember when we got food with Super when he was here?

And afterwards there was that homeless guy in a wheelchair that came up. This is only funny. It's just going to sound like him being mean. I'm the only one that wasn't here for this one thing, right? This homeless guy in a wheelchair comes up to everybody. And he asks everyone, can you buy me some food? And there was like a food truck right over there. And we all look.

And Aiden actually is the one who, because usually you're like, yeah, you can buy the food. but it's like, it's timing, he's like, ugh. But he actually did this. He's like, yeah, I'll go buy you some food. And he walks over with this guy to the food truck. Like, yeah, a reminder, he's in a wheelchair. And this guy's in a wheelchair. Did you push him over?

No, he was already like that. And we make a joke like, no, no, no. Like, did you push the wheelchair? No, I think he rolled. Yeah, we tipped the guy over because we like, that's hilarious. He didn't have to pick him up. And then, and then we're making jokes. Like, bro, I bet that guy's fucking.

I bet that is a fake wheelchair. We're making a joke like, Aiden would get fooled by this. We're talking and he's like waiting in the line to buy him food and stuff. We all look over at the same time. The guy's standing up hugging.

All the thing is he'd get up, stand up and hug in. He starts dancing a little bit. He's like, he's dancing and with a little bit of a perfect legs. And I'm like to myself, like, oh my God. It's okay. The food. The food is food.

You cured of him, though. I can't hear any of this. We're like, there's no way. My POV is this guy. He needs some help. He asks for food and he picks out his meal and I'm like, is that, you know, is that all you want? And he's like, well, can I get another thing? And whatever.

Yeah, yeah. And then he's really happy. So he stands up out of the wheelchair and starts singing like, God is good. God is good. God is good. And then, you know, he's very grateful. And he asked, you know, he asked for a hug. So I give him a hug.

And then he kind of, like, his back's messed up, right? So he can only, like, hug me by, like, leaning over. So there's, like, kind of a, like, he's hugging me like this. So there's, like, a lot of distance between. So you're getting low. He didn't really try to tell that he did the wheelchair right out. It's kind of a funny way to hug somebody. But then right after he hug me, he said, I got pissed all over my pants.

Really? You never tell us that That's sad Yeah sure sure That's sad It's sad Wow But then he

Yeah we got him Some food You got him an awesome meal It was just Just to look over And he's miraculously standing I thought I was gonna see him Like running away

Like sucker And then I walked back over And they were all laughing And it was like What's going on And let me tell you something Ludwig That's what a family man does

Yes Huh? No. He does family man activities. Helping those in need. The world is Aden's family. You understand? You think about that? I've never not been a family man.

I would put you all in wheelchairs for one more night. And I'd get you all meals for one more night. You would do both. I'd hug you all for one more night. Well, I got pissed all over my pants. So then what? Wouldn't stop me. There was a, there's this YouTube video.

And you know how YouTube's gotten better about like, recommending long form videos that are like, have like 20 views on. It'll just feed you shit. And I got this video and the title. Zipper, can you pull up the video but not like play it?

I wonder if there's a way. I just want to see the picture. I see this photo, like an album cover, this like beautiful painting of a basketball court. And the title of video just is Brazil, Brazil, Norway, Mexico, England, Big Three basketball, Wimbledon, Naomi Iosaka, FIFA World Cup,

2026. Like, it, and I was like, I have to, I have to click it. It has some things in there that you like.

Certainly the Zayana. I have to click. I'm just gonna, I'm just taking a stab of the Zai. So what was it? If you listen to it, I don't think it is.

It is a guy solo preaching in his room on the shittiest mic for 45 minutes. Let's go, let's get a 10 second. He's just ripping. He is just doing,

speaking the guy. Is the R-A-I, you think? This is a photo. You think it's dead-ass photo? No, I don't think it's a photo. I don't think it's a photo. This is definitely not AI. It looks like a painting.

It might be an AI. It's a photograph. I think it's damn a-d-dainting is funny. It is 44 minutes. Look at the ground. That looks like an oil painting. That's just wet. I think it's just wet, fucking...

It's clearly wet. It's clearly wet. Like outside the court. He is always looking out for his grace, mercy, favor of love. The outstretched arm of God, the mighty hand of God. The finger of God, his word. The finger of God.

The two fingers of God. Yeah, I don't think it's AI. I'll give you that. I just, I just listened to like the first five minutes of this in the car. How many uses it have? That's like, scroll. It's 33. This is low key what the Shizwiz uploads now, stuff like this.

You know? I'm not kidding. This is like, he sits on my couch with like his friend or I think, or brother. He calls him brother. But I think it's like a brother term like in Christ. Yeah. And they just do gospel. And when he's like, he's like, bring up Corinthians, whatever.

And he's like, all right. He opens the Bible. And it's kind of crazy. Oh, dude, did you see, uh, actually, I don't know. Is, you think Alex would be okay saying he got engaged? Here he did. Okay. He knows.

Fucking, dude, what did we got so engagement mugged. Yeah, you got engagement mugged, bro. Because Alex smokes mid, bless his damn heart. Also a family man got engaged. But he had net spend, send him a personal video congratulating him. and it wasn't paid. They just are friends. Yeah, this was, uh,

so, this is, this is, I understand why you view it this way. What do you mean, view it this way? You should, I mean, is this through the lens of someone

who doesn't have a family. Right, there's engagement mugged. Right. You just wear the, you just wear the merch. Huh? You just wear the shirt

of the guy that he talks to. First of all, I was the one that got me the shirt. I know. Yeah, as a gesture of a family man who was before you. You know what I mean?

He was like, one day you'll be a family man too. We're both family men. Okay, we both can come up together There is no, there is no Mogging, okay? And am I fucking A little fucking mad that Nesman didn't hit me up? Whatever, I don't give a fuck.

You sound like it. You sound like a fuck. Kill yourself, Nesman. Yeah, fuck. Sorry, I don't mean that, but like, die. Fuck you, dude. Fiery death. Well, no, you got banks. I did I get banks.

You got, what are some of the... Banks and congrats? Yeah, in the tweet. Faced. Lace? Lace. Lace? No, actually, I should hit me up on hindsight. it. Really? He made that up.

Lace doesn't do. Congratulations. Jason, before he said it. Yeah. Before he said it. You know, he fucked up because in Woke 3, Asian guys are going to be allowed to say it. He did the gun. He saw that vice doc of that Cambodian guy that grew up in South L.A. And he says it all the time. Did I miss that he said it? Oh, he said

it. Is it in a song? No, it's not a soccer game. You left early, but if you stick around for the end of the credits of the Odyssey, that's when the clip shows. It's just like a Snapchat video that pops up He just ripped it In a soccer game I can't have I missed this one Family men do their own research

Okay Well they have to They have for sure It's like it's like a Is this mushroom poisonous from my family I know every single mushroom In a seven mile at radius You've tested them all

Yeah I've eaten everyone for my family On all four If I'm just my face Sometimes I feel really bad after Dude you know what I would watch fucking so much of from you you drop all this bullshit you do streamer all this

game all this stupid and you just become like a primitive technology YouTuber oh my god you and Christian oh my god you're sexual brothers but it's all implied and it's all implied you never you never to really touch but you there's clearly a desire there's moments

and you make cuts made of mud and you and you build like ovens with leaves Christian is the best Christian is like the old kind of line of tech tips like model where it's like Linus is the main guy right and then sometimes he has someone help him and then everyone just really starts to end up liking the guy that helps a lot yeah and then Christian gets his own YouTube channel where he like works on cars yeah he's like what's up christian's garage um today i got like a old ass Toyota Sellica we're gonna put a turbo in it and he just does

it today um I'm gonna look for food I don't know look for food um floodway's down we'll probably build a hut But he hasn't hit me back yet, so. My go to Arby's. This is how Christian actually is very sick. He's the most unbothered person I think I've ever met in my life. He's become my goat. Yeah, he's very admirable. You see, you see this guy over here just vibrating at bullshit every single day,

wishing he was at home with this big fucking jackoff machine that tricks his penis. He's, my trick. And then you see Christian, he's like, that guy's penis would never be tricked. No, of course not. No, he didn't. So he's not jerking off? It doesn't need to trick the penis. He doesn't need to jerk off, man.

The penis tricks him. I would trick once or twice by my penis. I'll say it. I'll admit it. Pinesis fool me. Yeah. But do I'm not, I just to finish, I fucking woke up, I took a big dump. And I went back to bed.

And then when I woke up, dude, it was like crazy feeling. Like I put that, and I didn't, I wasn't sure I pooped. I didn't know which one was really a dream. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. Like I pooped in the dream And I was like Oh I feel so much better

Then I woke up and I was like Oh no I don't My body was trying to get me to poop I have to poop I wait I pooped It was loud I was alone I rang

I rang bang bang bang bang bang I rang bang bang bang I rang bang I rang the cab I think it was maybe like 9 a.m 830 a. I went back to bed

And I woke up again I said did I poop ever I still don't know You don't know I have no way to prove it The only way would be to measure yourself Is to on the scale

Because it's always fun When you get top of the scale you take poop and we'll hop on the scale. I have to have measured first. And I had it and I'll never know. Yeah. I'll say this to you, bro, I've never once in my entire life on this earth

been woken up by needing to poop ever. Me neither. You've been woken up to pee though. Yes, many a time. I woke up for a bloody nose the other day. I had a dream about a bloody nose and then I had fucking bloody nose.

Dude dry. Dude damn dry. I've never had one. A bloody nose? No, my life. Unless I was hit in the nose by like a basketball or something. Nick stayed with me in the ER because I was scared. because I had one that lasted for like two hours

and I was just bleeding. I was just bleeding and bleeding and bleeding. Tell your head back, let it fall in your throat, drink it so you get to keep it for later. They do not respect the bloody nose at the ER because it happens a lot. I will say that there's no part about that like waiting for him that was like negative

but like being in the ER itself is horrible. It's just like people wailing and fucking. Oh, that guy was whaling so much. There was a whaling guy. There's like a rhythmic like beep that just goes off in the room every once Like, what is that? The staff hates you.

They're all, you know. It's a scary, terrible place. It smells like sick. Because they're at the end of the 16 hour shift. Yeah. Which makes you excited for them to be your physician. I hope you make a good decision on what's wrong with me. And then the guy comes, ah, and you know, the fucked up part is you just get in there and

your no stops bleeding. Yeah. You just want to kill yourself. And he's like, also, you made it up. I think also, like, my mental image of like an emergency room is that like, it's not that populated. Like, not that many people are having life-threatening emergencies, but really it's like so. many people are having life threading murder or think they are

at least and are there it was so crowded. Because no one's a charm to it. I don't think there's a single charm. No, I like it. Everyone there is scared. They have the same lights that Aden fucking wants in here. They love the lights that are in the soft. It's like it's 1 a.m. They have a fire-ass vending machine.

They do have a good vending machine. You got like famous Amos, you got all the mini Oreo. Oh gosh. Sour gummy worm. Yeah, it's a good vending machine. Enjoy riding that bitch. I've been preaching joyriding for board. joy, right, bro. Sour Zips.

It's really the only one I care about. I got a bunch of joyride in there, no? It's old as Joyride, bro. Everything in that box is expired as fuck. Fruity Zip, whack!

Sour Zip, very excellent. It's a better Skittal. Nothing in that box expired. I like the Skittles. It's good, man. They're very good. Also, did you eat some of a luncheon on stream

yesterday? Yeah, yeah. Those are so old. How are you feeling? How are you feeling? We have one. He said it with, like, no confidence. I can see it as nice.

Not old. I watched him open it. I'm like, for one, why is he doing this for two? These are old if it's the ones I'm thinking about. They're just, I got new ones for a thumbnail for the video. Oh, thank God, bro. And I just had them on my desk. That's Mr. Beast.

Oh, you got it for with Conner. Dude, that was good as, those unwells, by the way. You should check the expiration. I'm genuine because there's one on my desk. I was going to drink and it's expired. Yeah, yeah. It was okay expired. Yeah.

I'm not like you with expired. I don't know. I really hate it. hate it a lot, but I don't mine expired at all. I'm with him. I think he's eating expired stuff? If it smells bad or looks bad, that's my barometer, but like if it's expired,

I don't care. Like if bread is expired, but it looks like bread and it smells like bread, then it's bread. You know, it touched my heart a little bit yesterday. It was a stunning return to form Ludwig, eight hours straight, playing a children's baseball game, just did not plan to do that,

sat and did the whole bitch. It was kind of like the old Christopher Robin days. It was nice I fucked up those children Me and Jake We mount up For Joji We're getting ready

Oh yeah you went to Joji last night We go We go to the concert It's great Enjoyed it You're at the fucking concert Did Corbyn come out? Did Jake do this?

Yeah No Oh he's on the album Fucking Nate Nate Nate Nate Zib came out Nate Sib came out

Is that kind of stuff Yeah He did a lot of And he fell on the ground He was a Honestly, Sib? I don't know. That's his name.

Nate Sib? It's just Sibb. Childhood friends with Two Hollis. Sibian? They came up together. Yo, what's up y'all? Nae Sibian. He straight up.

He's straight up looks like he knows Tujahus. He's just by Lerite out Tewa Lus. Literally at the end, shout out Tew Hollis. He looks like record's bed. Two Hollis was like, this is one of his friends. And he was just like, bro, you can sing it. You should try to do music. And he got him to do music.

He was like a kid Leroy meets Porter Robson. and I kind of loved it. I kind of thought it was great. Did shake do this? It felt... Shake didn't do that. He didn't have an arm up. No, he's holding a drink.

This is a drink. It's down here, though. Oh. Actually, same exact. You're nailing the movement. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. This is a really good.

This is good. You're actually... Yeah, because he shit himself at the puster for sure. Every once in a while. Yeah. That's it. Yep.

Yeah. Yeah. Yep. So just straight. So, straight. He shit himself on the pussy for show, and he danced like that before hand. It's all true shit. It ran down his leg.

There's the craziest looking raising canes outside of that venue of all time, by the way. It looks like a space station in a movie, but it's a canes. Like those old fries shops. Oh my God, they're so cool. They were sick, bro. I grew up next to one. It has the rocket ship in the fucking lobby. You heard the crashed UFO.

Oh, so quite. I've flopped with Pizza Planet so hard at Disney. They could make it so much cool. They did flop. And the food suck. Yeah, the food sucks. just make it like Pizza Planet in the fucking movie. Oh, okay. You know what else sucks? That looks crazy. Oh, it's insane. This looks like Sofi Stadium. They do need a fucking

rocket ship outside. It's a cross from like so fine into a donut. This looks like one of those fake like like 2008 Xbox 720 images you'd see. This is what we think it'll look like. This is what we were talking about if the Keynes logo wasn't on this, you're like, oh wow, what an incredible, what an incredible outdoor bar or library. I'm still. I'm still. I'm still. not getting Coleslaw bitch sorry dude we after the the movie because it was at

universal me and my girlfriend she was like I really want to check out the hello kitty cafe and I'm like come on and we went I like hello kitty too

and we went and it was specifically the hello kitty cafe just the hello kitty yeah I was and then the Sanrio shop is right next to it

and she was talking about the politics of Pom Pom Putin who gets voted the best Sanrio character every year lot doesn't make a lot of space for other characters

also the top three characters are all dogs which is kind of like well what are we doing right like Ticito Sam is there is this not important it's a whole thing anyway Heliccini never wins

Heliccudy doesn't win wow she's kind of like she's Mario yeah to use the Dota analogy again she's kind of the art style of this whole thing and then Navi just takes the

but anyway so you go but the Helicitty Cafe is just like this very sad like little place and it's just pink chairs and they all have drinks that are named after the characters

and there's this girl working it with a helicitty apron just chugging a white monster and we're like can we get the fucking can we get the fucking hell of kitty coal brew please and it like sucks

and it was like I was like wow what an underwhelming like shitty little experience yeah and sometimes it was not like this that looks amazing This is cool. It was outside and it was... It was like a pop-up, right?

Yeah, it looked, it looked like... It looked like a pop-up? A repurposed area that just became pink now. Oh, that's good. Oh, that's nice right there. Yeah, pop-ups usually blow. And when you said pizza point it sucked, I immediately thought of Hell like Kitty Cafe. Guys, Aidan, what are you using over there? What are you doing over there on the phone? What's on there?

Checking Rocket Money. You're on Rocket Money? Yeah. Well, I'll tell you so I got Rocket Money. You know what I fucking found out, bro? I wasn't a one-time J-O-I bought from you. I signed up for a subscription from you. No.

I've been getting a monthly J-O-I for you that I didn't even realize I was paying for. You didn't read my terms of service? Get duped. Yeah, and the thing with Aiden, too, we don't live in New York, buddy. There's no one-click cancel. No.

To cancel, you have to show your trip. I have to show my trip. Yes. And I keep sending the trip to the link, but it says error 404 every time. Are you getting them? The crazy thing, the crazy thing is rocking money with a bunch of these subscriptions.

You can just can't, They'll cancel for you within the app, which is really convenient. Rocket Money will show me your trip to cancel it. I know this now because I have the app. I'm canceling today. You know much money on the stage? Did you or did you not see my trip? Of course.

Well, what did it look like? Describe it. Why would I describe it? I already saw it. Almost a lava pool. Looks like a pool of magma. Yeah, a magma pool like when it's just bubbling. Anyway, get alerts if bills increase in price or unusual spending is notice.

Rock of Money Dashboard gives you a clear view of your accounts. Helps you understand your finances, check credit scores, track budgets, increase savings, and also help cancel unwanted subscriptions. I'll tell you this, bro, I'm using rocket money to cancel your shit. Because I sent you a trib, and you've been charging me for six months, and you didn't even look at it. You're not even looking at me right now. I'm trying to check my credit score with rocket money right now because I haven't set that up yet.

I'm peeking over his shoulder, and he's actually just looking at both your tribs. Dude! Now you're looking at it? Yeah, it's a picture and picture. It had to do with a holiday. The meaning he's gone. I'm also seeing he made $500,000 this month from the J-O-I service. Yeah, $500 a month is a steep fucking price.

I thought it was $500 for one time and I sent a trip, but do you watch it? It's $500 a month. I send you premium J-O-I's. You only sent one! And here's the fucked up part, they're ghostwritten. You are not ghost-riding them. Are you chat GPTing? Your J-O-I?

Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goes faster. And also cancel unwanted subscriptions like what I'm doing. Try for $0.0.com.com slash the yard. That's rocketmoney.com slash the yard, you faker. See you guys in the make good. I spend a lot of time typing in the prompts. I know I fuck with what you're saying, though, because when I went to pizza planet for the first time, I was like, this is ass. Yeah.

I feel like they need way more love in that part of the park. California Adventure has more love than Disneyland. Can I fucking say it? Well, I think the thing is Tomorrowland used to rule. And then they just left it and they've updated everything else. and now Tomorrowland kind of felled off. Is it like today? I'm gonna say this.

It's kind of like not a tomorrow land anymore. As a guy who's never been. What? Hasn't it all fallen off? You've never been to Disneyland? No. We gotta take his ass to Disneyland. Don't go to Disneyland.

Doesn't want to do it. I don't think. I don't believe that. Going with her is awesome because she has the same love for Disneyland every time. She knows ball. And she will, she will,

it's very, it's like a guy. She also, I imagine. I don't think I've been with her. Thinking, thinking, I don't think I have. Analyzing. She would be a great person to go with because she wouldn't care if you don't want to go on a ride. Yes. But also, I, it makes sense you don't like it. I get that.

Theme parks are, I think theme parks sit. For family men. For families, people interested in having families. Is that one you don't like them? Because you're not a family man. Must be it. I don't understand. There's no because you go for your family.

Where is Dug-Dong-Dong. There's a cartoon. I don't like the cartoon. I don't like Cause Z doesn't tolerate my lifestyle They don't like when My wife and my husband

And my other husband Are there together They don't like my voyeuristic lifestyle And I want to touch I want to touch them in line For the Toy Story ride What's allowed to touch? What's the point of having three partners

If I cannot touch? Well that's why they made Universal Studios The LGBT Disneyland You sit in the fucking Fast and Furious line Which is releasing in a week And then you jerk off your husband Your wife's husband

I wait Electric I had my worst coffee ever at Disneyland Like of all that I remember it was disgusting You were there Was that? Was it?

The day I went home early We went with all the writing people Oh yeah with the Was it just Starbucks? Which one? The one that's by the I don't know what it's the restaurant Here?

Yes Yes By the pier How do you know that? It was a coal brew Yes This is like world renowned shit coffee It's known

Wow It's so bad Is that a bad thing for to be known. I've had this too. I threw it away. I literally took a step and went, no, I don't need to,

I don't need to drink that. I'll waste the money. Whoa. Yeah, so you should go to the Starbucks by the jazz quartets at the front. That's in downtown, right? It's in California Adventure. You're so true for that.

It's in California Adventure. It's on the way to Soren. Soren USA. You hook her right out the entrance. Of course, Ludwig. Mogul went to Six Flags together, a few weeks ago. And Ludwig bailed.

And to stream. Ludwig did bail. Got to work. Well, he's got to work. Boss got to work. He just have to work. How do you think they afforded the trip?

He did pay for the trip. Is that like gang tank? Yeah, I am. And we all go, and it affirmed what my, my belief. This is such a, I don't like theme part. It's such an idiotic thing. Even on the ride. I'm like, this is fine.

I mean, I say this and you guys don't chastise me. Why does he get chastised? It's because he hasn't gone. Oh, you've gone. How good could it, but it's just like, it's just like. It's just like, literally. What do they get at fucking? Also, like, when you criticize something you've never seen, it's like, that's part for the course.

We know, we understand that. You know, that's your vibe. Is it fun sometimes when I do it? Sometimes it's fun. It's funny because I don't like doing that generally. But with Disneyland, I feel such a liberal willingness to do it. Because it's big mega court, but you're basically saying, you know. Because it can't be that guy's.

I saw Shark Nato, I'm not going to like the Odyssey. I get it. The seas and whatnot and it's rough wars movies. I'm not going to enjoy it. I'm not going to enjoy it because I saw Shark Nato. I won't enjoy the Odyssey. Isn't it? This is what I think of my brain.

It's corposlop that will never live up to the vision of the thing you imagine in your brain that is in the piece of media. No, I think Disney just does a great joke. Look, I'm not trying to be a Disney defender. But your vision of Disneyland is through the lens of if you went alone. I feel like. Yeah. Because you're like,

oh, I would go alone and I wouldn't like all the rides. But it's like you go because you're with your friends in an imaginary place. Yeah, but we could also go do anything else.

Yeah, but it's different than going and eating a salad in Rancho Cucamonga and then going to Disneyland. I think the fact that those are different. I think if you live in Rancho Cucamonga, I see why you would like Disneyland.

Do you know what I mean? It's like, that's all you got. I will say this. Because I'm pretty much on your side. I go. I'm kind of like, I go home,

whatever. I think what I actually got me was in Universal when you go into Mario Land for the first time. Have you been there? Yes, this is actually what sold me on my tape. For the first time only. And then you kind of walk around and you kind of see the strings and the curtains and how the sausage is made

if you'd be Dave Walters. And then you're like, okay, I get it. But the first moment you walk into Mario Land, you're like, I'm in Da Movie. Okay, hold on. Mario is the most firmly entrenched, like nostalgic thing embedded in my head. This is the world where if I walk in, maybe the nostalgia receptors can overwhelm everything else. And I remember being in the line for the Mario cart ride and being like, wow, all these like pretty amazing visualizations of stuff from the video game world that I love. I love, I look at

Bambom and I'm like, that makes me happy. Yes, bro. It activates something deep inside me. Yes, bro. And then after I spent 10 minutes there, I was like, wait, I can't interact with this. I can't touch it and then I got on the Mario cart shooting ride which was maybe one of the worst experiences. This is universal rides. This is universal like yeah. The guy who has not been on the Star Wars

ride. The car's ride is okay. I will say this. We went to the Star Wars thing with Caleb Pitts and Alex Huggins and Caleb came off of the Star Wars ride. Caleb Pitts, the comedian. Right. And he was like tearing up. Dude, I was also on it

by the way. And I was the resistance. I'm a resistance. And I came off and I was just like, that was amazing. It really was cool. I was like, that was a breathtaking. Because I love Star Wars almost as much as I love Nintendo. And I hate I hate rides. Disney, Disney has to go on it.

It's a bit. It's pretty safe. It just can't be that good. Bro, it's pretty sick. Can I tell you Disney is dog shit now at making movies in new IP? Yeah. They're bad at that. They're good at theme parks. It's probably the thing they're best at. They're just good at it.

They make the best ones. The cars one is pretty cool too. No, this ride was one of the most disappointed I've ever been. This is the universal Mario Kart ride. Also, if your gear is broken, this is straight up like you ride this and then you kill yourself after you. And then halfway through the whole ride stops

and they go, ah, we got to fix someone. Someone got stuck. Aiden, dream with me. It's you. It's you. It's Nick Yingling. It's Yusuf. It's that guy you met, Gary, whatever the hell, who you play with. Sorry, I got close. And whoever your fifth is. Josh, man. Adam.

Not actually your fifth. It's gonna be our fifth. An IRL meetup. Right. And you guys go to Disney. You just have an amazing time. I think. You would have a great time.

You just would. You just fucking would. Call me an old family man, conservative. Yep. What if we just went on a fucking amazing hike? Okay. Wait, if you want to be conservative, actually, I uploaded this. When we were in the Star Wars world in that same Disney trip, there was a guy wearing a sweater with SS bolts on the back of it.

Oh my God. I forgot it. about that. Yeah, it's on my Twitter. So, you really, you can have everything. You can have everything. Wow. And they even, they even allowed alcohol in Disneyland. You also walk in, you get a hot dog. Like, it's like a baseball game. Or it's awesome. Or, or do you look up, I meant corn dogs. Jumbo turkey leg. Look up Jumbo Turkey leg. I don't think I relish in eating the shitty food. You're such a bitch, bro. I'm over there. You don't like to go. Bro, bro, just go one time and then if it sucks, you get to say that forever. I have to go

and it sucks. I have to go one time. I have to go one time. I to go one time before you. Look at that It's a big turkey leg, bro. It's genuinely massive. Look, I'm open to new experiences. I'm open to be convinced. I'm open to be convinced. Because remember when Judy tricked me to go to Disneyland? I do remember that. It was rotten bitch, but it was

pretty fun. It brought a lot of joy to my heart. I'm talking about my family like that. She was your girlfriend. She wasn't your family at the time. Oh, yeah, she was a pitch back then. Yeah. You should, I actually, as much as I'm like, if someone's like, you want to go Disneyland, I'm like, hmm. I've been so many times that I'm like,

you have to go once, because there is magic there. One time. There is, it's all about the group, in my opinion. It is all about the, you go with the wrong group. Disneyland is the worst experience. You go with the right group, it's one of the most fun days you're going to have. Dude, Alex Huggins walking around like Toon Town

and it's Goofy's house, and he's pretending he's banging on his door. Get the fuck out! I know that they're goofy in there, get the fuck out! I do have one last frame of reference that feeds this opinion. I've been to Hong Kong Disneyland twice. Have you been in Tokyo? No.

Tokyo Disney was kind of cool. Yeah, I went to Tokyo, see it was cool. Anyway, um... Mochi looks like little aliens from Toy Story. After the Odyssey, I ran into Shroud. Yeah, it was there. He was there? Rowdy, Shrouty.

He was doing this at the camera or the screen lot. And then I said, I said, what do you rate the movie? And he was like, like, um, like 6.5. Out of 10? Out of 10. Still critical. And I'm like, low. Yeah.

he was like, yeah. And then the only other movie I've seen in the shroud, at least that I can remember recently, it was like five years ago maybe, was Thor Love and Thunder. It was Batman. Because his girlfriend invited all the people for his birthday. But I also went to Thor Love and Thunder, which I think...

Oh, was that after Batman? Maybe before, but either way, I was like, how does it compare to Thor, Love and Thunder? Because I remember leaving that movie, and he was good. I liked that. So I'm like, okay, this one, you're being critical, 6.5, Thor and Love and Thunder. And he goes,

about the same okay it's about the same so it's okay it's about the same so odyssey's a bad movie they couldn't be well he kind of like Thorloving thunder oh okay but they couldn't be farther from each other no as Thorloven thunder in the Odyssey

I think it I think heat is farther than both of them sure they're very far from me no heat is the one true word so it's not really fair to read it every Thursday if you haven't the one's very far from each other someone said someone said we called religion, heat rises. He rises. He rising. And then, and then

I asked him, I was like, okay, do you just kind of rate movies based off of how entertained you were? And he's like, yeah. And he's like, I was like, do you like a movie that like makes you cry? And I'm like, no, why would I do that? Oh. And I was like, oh. And I was like, and that's fair.

Sure, sure, sure, sure. You just, he wants, like, Marvel was created with this guy in mind. He's rating, he's rating the movie the way you rate like a food. I felt it and I felt sick so I don't like it. It's like like it. He's literally like a roller coaster. He's also rating the movie in the way that you rate the food if you're if you would give cookie crisp like an eight. I think they're just through like visual roller coasters and he wants to go on a fucking fun ride. Here's my question to shroud maybe one day I can

ask him is that when Tony Stark dies at the end of end game sorry spoilers. Did he get sad? You got so mad when I spoiled one piece. Come on. Does that change? Does Shroud be like, oh, I didn't... When Tony Stark dies? I didn't like when Tony Stark died. I'm sad, bad movie.

I think... What do we do? I think that's like... That's tough. It enhances probably the journey, but I think he doesn't like sad movies and like the Sophie's choice. Because he wouldn't enjoy Manchester by the sea.

The good guys do still win. Is that why? Yeah. Because Wolverine, sorry, not Wolverine. Everyone but Wolverine gets to celebrate. Yes. I think you'd hate every Coen Brothers movie ever made. No, he'd love Fargo.

I don't think so. Trowd, watch Fargo on stream. I want to see. Shroud, I know you're listening to this. Yo, I was so pissed at the Odyssey. I revived my letterboxed account. You hated it? I didn't hate it.

I actually thought it was very beautiful. I just had a big problems with it. Oh, yeah. That frustration of good and bad. Wait. Yeah. Letterbox, letterbox score. Odyssey.

Now, a three. Give me cookie. I go to four. Is letterbox four? Cookie now. Five. Out of five. I give it a three.

Three? Yeah. Cookie. Give me the four stars hurt. I go 4.5. Really? Wow.

You get a 4.5. It's like, it's one of the best movies you've ever seen. You give it a 9 out of 10. I think I literally gave it a 9 out of 10 when I was asked. Wow.

I also, it's impossible for me to separate like how unbelievable it looks from its rating. Like I can't. Yeah, it is. That's why I gave it three. I can't separate that.

I'm also a little Greek mythology slut. You, dude, you knew all the stories. Yes. I usually know the stories. I told you this, right? I have told the story. before where I, when I was younger, I loved Percy Jackson so much. I took part of my dinner and outside and burnt it. No. To sacrifice. I don't think you've ever told us that.

Really? Yeah. I've talked about this on the screen, but yeah, when I was younger, I was just really into it. And I was like, I was like, I was like, loki believing. Wow. Bro, I saw a guy from Percy Jackson at the, uh, Bell's bagels the other day. Which guy? Oh, the actor? Main guy. And the new one? Uh, yeah. Oh, I haven't seen the news. Logan? Yeah, Logan, whatever. Lerman? That's him. I saw him. I saw him who sitting. God. I used to make Tumblr posts about that guy. I used to re-blogged Logan Lerman

Gifts. He is good looking. Dude, I watched Percy Jackson to like hang out with the girl I liked and that was the worst shit of all time. The old Percy Jackson was pretty mid. They also did the book and pretty injustice.

Shit I watched for girls I liked. Harry Potter, Hunger Games. I read Hunger Games for a girl I liked. Crazy. I watched Harry Potter for a girl like but I liked the movies. I was like, oh,

the movies are good. But Percy Jackson, I was watching it. I'm like 19 And I'm like This is the worst shit I've ever seen And I liked Harry Potter And I was like mad

And Courtney was like Dude Christopher Nolan really just has an infinite amount of resources He can do anything He really can Yeah and he made Matt Damon talk like that That's my problem Oh you really Matt Damon's your issue Matt Damon

I think it was a lot of the cutting I thought about it a lot But it's like a lot of the way that people talk And the way they speak and the way it's written And the way it's cut Make for a very unnatural dialogue In a way that doesn't feel good and also doesn't feel like

antiquity theater, which you kind of want to do if you wanted to go like that way, it does nothing right and everything mid, dialogue-wise. I think it's hard as fuck that the first time you see Zendaya, she's completely out of focus

for like a minute straight. I'm like, you're fucking Christopher Nolan bit. You can do that. You can do that shit. Focusing was crazy. Fux than a few scenes. There's like a scene with Anne Hathaway,

she's going like this and she's out of focus. That's the cost of IMAX. Yeah. It was an expensive role. We're using that. That shit is so... I can't even imagine how much it cost to shoot a single role.

Crime? Crime. Crime. Crime. Nick, you're on trial. What? Oh, you're gonna tilt me. Tread lightly, bro.

Tread lightly because you will tilt me on the, on the show. The Judge McCain presiding. This is a case you don't even know about. Oh. Okay, great. The defendant, Nicholas Vucelho. We are all sitting in a right. row together. We all leave the row. I'm towards the middle. So I'm the last to leave.

All three of you have left the row. I don't know where you or zipper two sat. Front. Like in terms of which seat, like right or left. Far left front. We had asked to sit there. The staff asked us. Wait. Is that where? The front. The far front. We weren't with you guys. We went with the very front of the theater at the very left. I'm solved. Yeah, he wasn't even with us. I thought he was next to Yingo because there was two people. there. Oh no, no, no, no. The case collapses? Sometimes it's a mistrial.

You've wasted, you've wasted community resources on a trial? Because there was a popcorn bag and a drink left behind. Oh, I don't leave food in the theater. You barely even had evidence. Well, I just saw the empty bag. Well, he got there late so I didn't see if it was him. I just didn't have it.

Disgusting. Honestly, freezing off theater. I didn't even have food. I was just like this whole time. It was chilly. And QD brought like button down and then she's like, I'm cold. He was chattering like a skeleton. And so I took off my fucking sweater.

Well, she just got really, she got a panic attack. Is that why anything for your shirt? Yeah, that's why I had the... He was wearing a wife beater in this. I'm like, bro, we get it. You work out. The first thing I said when we got out, I said, in the wife be. I had the sweater, the sweater she had on.

It was just, I gave it to her. Ah, but of gals. She was chattering. It got fucking cold in there. Family vibes. That's family vibes. You got to keep your family. That's what a family man does.

You know what I realize? So we did the shoot that was pretty fun. And basically we were in the school, like an old Catholic schoolhouse. And there was this library. There's all these children's books. And I haven't been in a school, an elementary school, since I was in elementary school.

And I was like, dude, there's so much, like, Star Wars books and, like, Disney books. When I was a kid, that was W. Goose. And it was W. Hmm. It was good breeds. And it was good. It was very scholastic in there.

And it was funny because I'm like, dude, they're just farming like lifetime IP identifiers. I see the world for what it is now. It was like, like, it's a children's book and it's like, here's Luke and the X-Wing. And I'm like, you're four years old. You're going to know Luke Skywalker's for your whole entire life. And you're going to see a toothbrush with baby Yoda on it and you're going to buy the toothbrush. And they're going to be 25 and you're going to be like, maybe go to Disneyland. I see now the point of kind of what you're getting at,

and I do think that's very interesting, the idea that we must create young literature for these IPs so that we can, we get to make the movie later. So the next generation gives a fuck about this IP. It's not even about giving a fuck, it's about making money off them, right? That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. If they don't give a fuck, you can't make, no one's going to go to the theater and we're going to see New Star Wars. Mandalorian doesn't exist because the new generation

they prefer fucking little baby. And you buy the Garagoo toothbrush. Brogoo. Go goo. And he fucking. in Oz Grising. Two Tunes. Yeah, it was kind of awesome.

Did you, do you post the video I sent you? Oh, no. I didn't post anything. I'll, I'll just put it here because it's just fun. It's just a fun little video I took.

All right, you guys don't know it so you can play the game both here and at home. Oh, this is cool. It's called Spot Slime. Wow. Okay.

Zipper, I sent it. Wow. Is this spoiler vibes? Nah, it's fine. A zipper, just give me a pause When I call, be ready Yeah You have the video

Okay, so right here, pause Slime's in this frame Yeah I think I see him You probably have a hint What color is he? I think he is gray Okay

Yeah Let's press play He's under the blanket Oh Pause Wait Do you see slime It was

Oh my God Everybody play at home A fun little game Dude Is... I thought he's like in the chair But now looking at it again I think I don't

Gentlemen, your guesses? Um I mean you would just In this frame You would just guess that he is Behind all these things somehow He is visible right now Okay wait wait wait

Actively see him right now Is he the stuffed animal On the bottom right That has eyes and like little horns I think that's his head painted over The purple thing The purple animal Okay good guess Nick

Oh my god He's just visually here This is not like Obviously he's in this pile You can walk up and touch me Oh oh I see him Oh oh I see So I'm saying where is he

I think he's um I think between the green And the anime girl He's the blue thing That's like peeking at us From the shadow Okay good guess Zippert press play

I found it Oh my god I got him But I did not realize Those were painted eyes Dude that's crazy Yeah It was uh yeah it was cool

is mecha chameleon in real life and dude there is a moment in there cutie cutie scrums screams a scrum I have never hurt her She did scream a scream It was real, like the fear

I screamed It was like the biggest spider In the world fell on her head It was like a rat scurried from under the couch Was that the best spot in the video? No No Yeah

Was anyone like It sounds crazy because I don't think this works in real life Was anyone plain sight And this wasn't being seen Like I'm fucking like on a wall I mean we did have have a couple people playing sight and one kind of got away with it, but it was kind of meta. And then the other was like, like Christian painted his full body.

But it's like just hard from a lot of angles when it gets a wall. At the end of it. So I was, I was pitching about this shoot because Ludwig kind of asked me and people are bailing and I'm like, okay, I'll do it because I'm your friend and I'll fucking do this, dude. He tried so hard to get out. I really did. He was like, how much money? And then he started suggesting people.

Yeah. He said nine grand. I'm like, I'll pay it. And he's like, no, I don't, I need you. Anyway, so I'm like, so I, and because when I did Kratos for the, the podcast, the person who did my makeup did like the real, like, you have to be on set all day and eat and drink. And it's like, really, it sucks.

I was white for like four days, like with a red stripe on my shit. I'm white for 30 years, man. But, you know, no. Now I'm back to me. Yeah. The real me. The Jamaican slime. Yes.

Thank God. But, but, but so I'm like pissed because like this body pain is going to suck. Anyway, we get our painted. we get painted and then the guys tell us hey put a bunch of shaving cream all over the paint and then you just fucking rinse it right off we're like okay whatever dude it was me Christian and polite just

all in our fucking undies buck and we're like painted all over the place we look insane and we just sort of rubbing shaving cream on each other and there's two people who were working on the shoot that were helping us and they had like towels and they got like

a hose and then we just started washing each other yeah and I was just like washing Polites back washing the paint off of it is like good am I kidding it

and then Christian is just like spraying it's like awesome chest and body yeah there's Adonis

fuck bro and at that point I was like this is all worth it was it was it just the three of you no no Connery's pants

and yourself myself yeah five yeah but it was cool I'm glad

Does that come out? Shake editing it? Probably what? A year from now? Polite, two years from now? Polite's editing? Because he was in it. I go every time, Shake,

he comes to the office now to edit and I just tell him, channels die and shake. Channel's dying. I tell him it every single day. He just said every time. And he started uploading faster. Yeah, man.

He edits faster too. He does edit faster, but it's just not dying. Well, it's because I keep telling him that it is. Because you're on his ass. It's because he enforced. Because otherwise, he'd be slow. He'll be there and he has headphones on his giant timeline. And it's,

It says four hours in Adobe Premiere. And I'm like, oh. Four hours, you get that down, shake. You like that one. Say, we can get that down. And he has his headphones on. And I just go up right in front of his screen, and I just go. Oh.

Like the monkey. And it'll just look at me like, I'm working, man. I'm trying. I'm trying. Yeah, he always says, I'm trying. I'm trying. You got to cut it down. It can't be having it longer than the Odyssey.

It's too long. It can't be longer than the Odyssey. It can't be longer in the Odyssey. He's also goofing around. He's going to concerts. You know what he just told me? At the end of the night, I was like,

let's, you know, if you want to go do something like this again, let's go do it. And he's like, yeah, I go clubbing all the time. And I was like, I go with Anthony Casper. Like, Mele Casper and Gio.

Yeah. All the time. Gio and Noel, or Gio and Casper lived together. Yeah, I didn't know that Jake goes clubbing with them all the time. That's pretty awesome. Yeah.

Who's in der club? Dude, I don't know if I've ever dead ass on clubbing. What is, okay. I never have. We've been clubbing. We've been clubbing. What?

What is clubbing? Is that the abbey? You go to a club and there's music and you'll dance a little bit and you'll drink. It's weird. I think clubbing is weird as a non-single guy. Why don't you say we're going to the club? This clubbing imply like... Multiple usually.

Like you'll go to different ones. Oh. You know? Going to the clubs. I think clubbing implies the activity of going out. The club is such a cool name for a spot. I hate it. We're going to the club.

It sounds so pretentious. I think I think you say let's go to the club. You might, it might sound like you're saying like there's a, there's a, one I want to go to specifically. Clubbing is more of like a let's go out. Let's hit a club on the journey of being out, but also we could do other stuff. And then we could also go to another.

Or another club or a bar or a... Guess maybe that's the spiritual argument against what we've done, which is we specifically went to the abbey together. Aidan, you could also get fucking shit-faced at Disneyland. Like that would make it way more interesting. When you drink a Disney, they added alcohol. They added alcohol. Wowsy.

I don't want to get shit-faced. Yeah, but like sometimes you do. You do get shit-faced. Sometimes she's never asked you to go. She's never asked you to go. Why would she ask you to go? I'd be a blast. Why wouldn't you ask her to go then?

Because she's asked him. She didn't ask him. You've been a lot. But you're not fun to trick. Ask of a penis. You're not fun to trick. Of a penis. What?

You're not fun to trick. I'd be asked. You just want to feel special. Yeah, of course. We all do. It's an eight and us. It's part of our humanity. Right?

And I'm trying to think about this because maybe you can't be up there. What a family woman. Yeah. Ask another man. I've lots to learn. I've lots to learn to go to Disneyland. Because she gets to bestow the family value on me. I could learn a lot and go and eat tros.

She would be down to go. She's ever asked so she doesn't sound like that. Why don't you ask if you want to go so bad? Because she could ask me. You understand? She does keep saying that. He's being difficult. He's just saying the same thing.

You took a screamer this morning and you're mad. No, I got to know. I got the end. And you went, bim, bing, bing, ming, my, my, my, my, bing, bing, b. I think a cowbell in the bathroom is a good idea. I'm not kidding. I think it's a good idea. He's shit free.

And then four weeks later, it's back. You're levitating like Gardivore just like around the house. Dude, I'm kind of falling off. You're right when you say four weeks. It's not actually four weeks. But like, I was doing so good for like two years. Of pooping.

But now I'm like constipated again. Are you taking iron supplements? No. What do you eat, man? Oh, you probably know. Do you have a lot to teach me? That's why he probably told us about that fucking crazy condition because she's probably worried about it because she's a warrior.

No, I knew about this from my ex in college because she studied poop poopology. She studied to be an orthopedic therapeutic therapist. That's feet. Yeah, but there was a class that

Damn, she was bad at it then. She only learned about poop. There was like a pre-med class about poop, I guess. But I remember vividly a fucking graphic of the poop bursting into other capillaries. Yeah. And it looked now.

I've heard of this. Like this was not the first, I didn't know the name for it that you used. Fecal impaction. I've heard of the fecal impaction that you've mentioned. But I don't believe in it. Because I take some of the craziest poops that are possible, I think. And I've never gotten an infection. You know what I mean?

Like, who else has had these infections? You know why, bro? It's because you're young and your body can handle it. But if you keep having this problem where you like are 40 years old, you're going to have crazy problem. Thank you for saying I'm young, by the way. But I think if I'm 40, I think this is gone. I think this is long gone. Okay.

I think it's just going to be better. But what if it's not? You got to figure that out. I'll die of colon cancer. Well, you got to get checked too because that's happening a lot too to us, young people. It is happening to young people. What? Straight up.

Go to the doctor. Get your colon checked. It's happening a lot. And you have a toothed. Go to the fucking doctor, bro. That's real shit, bro. How many times are you pooping a day? A day?

Me? Yeah. I probably poop like every day. I've been doing two a day recently. Two a day? I usually don't poop twice a day unless I ate something crazy. The only time I ever poop two times a day is if I haven't pooped in so long that the first poop, I don't even get all that out. And you can't spend that much time. I don't have to know, like my muscles get so worn out that I have to not poop anymore and then I go poop later.

Like an hour later. That's so insane. I know. You know, see some crazy? Let's hear it. It's a gross image. How gross? Really gross.

This is the React episode. I don't know if I want to do it. 29 pound poop. But it's with. Oh my god, looks like a seal. No. He's posing next to it like a rapper. Why is he squatting next?

They have to take out the whole organ that the poop is housed in. Wait, really? That's a poop. That's take out the whole organ with it. Did the person live? Yeah, I don't think they just take it out of the dead guy. Oh. Dude, I pooped into being hungry this morning.

That's a classic combo. But like the sensation was instant. Yeah. The poop left and it went like hunger. Like I was like I was already hungry My body wouldn't allow me to feel it Because I had to get rid of you know what I mean Yeah

Do you have fucking problems I'm about to be snatched in a month by the way Sorry to tell you Because you're feeling why Well because I'm We're doing no sugar No sugar weekdays Can I join you?

We're doing no sugar weekdays Can I join you? Yeah Only weekdays Yeah And then sugar weekends back up And then you eat a quart Of Jenny's on the week

Yeah come on Every hour Every hour of if You can't You undo it on Sunday when you cream out, brobs. Pig. My bucket of jenny's. Sorry, I don't know.

I'm trying to play. We made it weird. I'm trying to play. I'm trying to play. It's good for during the week. I'm not to do it. Piggy. Wait.

What? Yes. Okay. The fucking, the kiddos and the family like getting ice cream on the weekend. Who are the kiddos in the family? It's Connor. Connor. That's why he's a family, man.

He's got someone to take care of at the house. He's got his little domestic. Of course. But when Connor leaves, it'll be like your son dying. Oh, he already gone. Really? I thought he's coming back. He's back end of the month for streamer games. So what is he doing in America at the time or did he go home? He already went home. I love the idea of Connor visiting like Arkansas. He's like, yeah, I think he'll just like visit America.

He did go to Texas. He went to like San Antonio. I'd love him there. They'd love like weird purple t-shirt guy walking around with the funny. He would love it, I'm sure. In the same way that Miles loved it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Miles fetishizes a. Well, yeah, he wouldn't say fetishize. Miles dreams of a different world than we live in. It's very crazy. One time his ultimate dream when he was here for the first time in America, he's like, I just want to settle down with a girl and we just smoke weed and watch Rick and Morty every single night. And she works, and I work at a gas station. That is not, California, that is most guys. I know. I know. It's a very achievable dream.

We're going to. And Miles is just talking about it like it's some sort of like transcendental experience. And I'm like, I don't know, Miles, like, you play, you play video games made of savings that you earned playing online poker. You, you kind of, they wish they were you. Yes. Yeah. Yes. And it was crazy. And I'll never forget that.

And he's like, yeah, Rick and Morty, dude, we just watch it like every night. This is like, this is like going to Japan and wanting to be the salary, man. It's like, I just want to live all the lives. That was his salary. Yeah. And he never. It is the American salary, man. He didn't get to live it.

He didn't achieve it. He didn't do it. He just has a normal, more normal life. I think because achieving it means doing it for 30 years. And that's not as fun. That's the hard part. He's dreaming it.

He's doing the same thing for anything for 30 years fun. He's doing anything for 30 years fun. I mean, he did a tear list yesterday, so ask him. Yeah. I've been real for 30 years. Yeah. I kept it real for 30 years.

I could be a family man for 50. And then you throw out some dog shit pitch. But I hope for one night. But I hope for one night. the end of the episode. You're not a family, man. I am more than you. You have a fucking family.

I do. Dead ass think he is more than you. He family mocks you. I have to say it. Sorry. You're not even close compared to him. I have a kid before you do, but I'm not married.

Am I not a family man? Is you got a kid do or a kid out? Kid do. Do you believe in abortion? Like, do I believe it works? Yeah. Like, do you believe that women should be able to abort fetuses? Yeah, probably all the way up to like 24 months.

Yeah, then. 24 months 24 months you throw him in the trash No you'd have to wait for the kid to be at least All the way up to know I think yeah 13 months old Or 14 months old. I have a question for the family man And we'll leave you with this

Is it possible to be a family man If you had let's say Aiden had a kid With the person he's seeing Is it a woman? Woman doesn't matter just asking It's a woman they have He tricked his penis and he had sex And then the baby comes out

they didn't get married. It's a unit without marriage, but a kid. Are you family? That's no family. Where are you living? That's no family. In his place he lives now.

Yeah. In Los Angeles. Oh, then no. It's fair to yet? I believe they respect common law marriage, yeah. So you need marriage to become a family. Common law, yeah, you could do common law. They do common law in France after five years of living together.

What if he had five kids, but they never got married? In Los Angeles? Is he a family? I'm sorry, does God recognize their marriage in the situation? If not, then there's no family. Yeah. God recognizes it. He just didn't. The state doesn't.

God, the state. I mean, God or the state? You pick. I don't know. You pick. I'm giving you two. He's giving you two and he's winning that face. You pick. Why you look like that? I'm giving you two. Your lips look like little cigarettes. Guys, I really got to go. I'm sorry.

I can't. Say bye to them. Say bye to them. I literally am in a rush. Will you at least say bye? I have to get back to my family. Oh, my. Guys, we're sorry. You got to understand. You got to understand. You don't, you can catch us on the bonus episode, which we'll shoot tomorrow and hopefully. We should shoot another one tomorrow? Yeah, yeah, of course.

Yeah. It's shorter tomorrow. It's easy. Why do you lift a chair and put it? That's all good. I don't know. I can't clean this up. I have to go.

Okay. I'll get it. Really? Dude. I'm literally fucking got a fucking right. All right. You got to go. I hear you, man.

I'm out. I hear you. You were 20 minutes late. I'm not leaving. You're not leaving? Okay, to come back. My family. Sorry, you almost missposed.

Guys, we'll see you in the primo. I hope if you guys are inspired by that, maybe you can have a family too, which is only recognized by the institution of marriage. If you're watching this with your partner, maybe on like a television in a messy room, on a couch or a chair, gaming chair while she's on your bed,

get her pregnant. Fuck it, you know? And tell her slime sent you. And tell her slime. until the slime was here