The Yard - Ep. 266 - Could We Survive the Wilderness?

Episode Date: September 2, 2026

This week, the boys talk about Ludwig's trip to Gamescom, who would be the best at hunting, and whether they could survive the wilderness! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Calbi, our time in this meeting has come to its dictated end, and I don't want to keep talking a minute after I have to, Calby. He likes when I talk to him like that. He likes it? He likes when I talk to him like that, yes. What does he like about it? He likes the directness. Oh. And pointedness.

Because it's because otherwise he has to navigate nuances and social cues and kind of confusing things. No. If it's more direct, then he doesn't have to want. about any problems socially that he might be missing. That people are constantly telling him he's missing. Howie's exactly like Aiden. They're social. I'm going to go ahead double down on her way.

They're both social lubricant. And they like a little bit of directness. Right. And again, that directness is making sure that. Nothing gets lost. Wait, he's exactly like Aiden.

Do you mean in every way? In every way. Okay. I was hoping you meant that. If we were to swap in Kelby for a night. Oh, bitch, please. I don't know if zipper three notices. Really?

Yeah. I think she's like... Replace like... They're getting dinner and it's like all the same. Yeah, I guess the hairline... She'd be like, she'd be like thinking at dinner and just kind of looking at Kelby, be like... Yeah. You look the same today.

It's crazy that... You look the same. It's crazy that it would be an up. upgrade to richer. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. Well, that Kelby's got more bread.

Kelly got so much more bread than all of us, man, except for you. He got so much more bread than me. He got more bread than me. No, he does not have more bread than me. He just doesn't. Kelby has a retirement date and I can't shake him off it. That doesn't mean he necessarily has bread. He just has a principal.

I guess his principal is money. He's like Kevin O'Leary. You know Kevin O'Leary? No. He keeps popping up and he's like, he's like, he keeps popping up and he's like, he's like wearing this like crazy gold like tuxedo and he's talking about like yeah and so we went to get the Rolex

watch and they told me it'll be there in 15 minutes or kill yourself and I was like I had to go and I knelt down and I wept at the Rolex watch. It's the most pathetic video I've ever seen and that's the kind of shit in five years that's what Kelby's gonna be doing and bald as hell too. I'm Mr. Wonderful. It's crazy you spend this much time with him you don't even understand

him. I make fun of him Kelby Elizabeth May I don't understand Kelby Elizabeth May is going to retire and then spend every waking hour playing video game. What if he, what at the second he retires, he like switches up on us crazy? Like,

he's immediately just like, yeah, I never fucking liked you guys. I just put up with it because it was, you know, it was the bottom line. And he fully switched.

I don't want to meet. We don't have anything to talk about. There's nothing that binds me. Why would we call? What's the value in that? Why would we call? I think I'm doing the best, Kelby,

by the way. Your Kelby's horrible. I don't know, man. I just spoke to him, I hear him in my head. When I speak, it's almost like I'm amused. Ludd, you need to play that video game. You have to do it. I can go and tell them.

I can go and tell them that you don't want to do it. It's fine. What do you think that clavicular would say is Kelby's sexual market value? It's a great question. I think clavicular is pretty set on the idea that being financially set is a big bonus. It's a big bonus, but it's not the main thing, you know? I think it is. It definitely looks maxing.

I would, oh my God. I think the idea of looks maxing is, like. If not your jester, what are we talking about? I feel like this is great. I don't know if your jester, if you have like $17 billion. If you don't, if you look like shit, that's jester. Maybe. The thing is we're probably uneducated.

He's probably talked about it. He's probably watched the same Kevin O'Leary in the gold tuxedo interview. And he probably had a lot to say. Like, yeah, man, the guy took a private jet to and from this podcast, but he looks like that. Dude, he boomed Fear and. Who? Kevin Lirie? No, clavicular. Kevin's yet to speak on them.

Oh. He probably harbors a lot of thoughts. Oh, right. Yeah, he said it was like, look at all the soys in the audience. He was like, oh, right. He was a picture of the Fear and audience after a show. It was like a big selfie with the Fear and crew and then the audience. And then he quote retweeted and he goes, the left should have accepted me.

Look at this basically ugly audience. Right, right, right. I was like, damn. Damn, he just boomed a thousand. It's funny because if the yard out of a live show, it would be like half melee players, and then he'd, I think it would finally tip the edge over and clavicle realize he's trans. Or she or they, whatever they end up landing on. She would be such a gift to Fox.

Oh my God. The Clav Fox. It'd be the new crush. You know she played box too. Yeah, unfortunately, but the style's too cool. I'll get over it. For everyone's awareness, I'd be. Aiden's no longer on the pod.

Oh my God, I forgot. I bullied him. Zipar claps. What's the beef? Damn, bro. That's all you really feel. I bullied Aden off in Germany. You didn't bully him off.

He just sucks at planning and he's Mr. misses it for it. Mr. Misses it. First off, he's good at planning. He's the best of the group. No, he'll just give you a heads up.

That's not planning. He says, I'm going to come and I'm going to fuck your ass in the office. I'm going to spread your ass. I'm going to spread your ass. I'm going to fuck your ass. I'm going to fuck your ass. I'm going to fuck your ass.

too much. You're like, oh, I guess too much, you plan a lot. I guess I'm going to remember this from a week from now, and I guess my ass is going to be a little dirty for you. You're doing an example of him planning well. Yeah, to be clear, in your example, he's planning something. What I'm saying is, planning something does not excuse you from doing something that would be

otherwise untured. And my ass ate ribs. My ass ate ribs beforehand. And he tears it from the taint to the nuts. Of course. This is not bad planning, though. I, I, I, Gave him such a bad time. How did he want to stay longer?

You fucking bad? I fucked him bad. How'd you fucking bad? I fucked him. I fucked him. I fucked him. He's been enjoying the weird hair. If you do this though, it's normal hair day.

But if you do that, it's weird hair day. Everyone's fucking... He's relishing. He's relishing. Everyone's fucking me up. Is your part different? No, well, I left my pomade here. I didn't want to buy new one.

So I've been running the Justin Bieber. And then I found Cutie's Hair spray. And I was like, let me try this out. never tried it before no you don't want hair spray so but that's what I did but then people came in my chase I was streaming they kept going what happened yeah it did look like you got in some sort of like

like you hit your head on a door they didn't say new hair cut they said what happened yeah yeah yeah it's just that the part is weird you know what I'm saying no dude that's where it parts it looked like you were trapped somewhere for a while it's natty bro look man you look perfect every day

including today and it's just time for us to give you some shit. I fucking appreciate that, bro. It's such minor shit, too. It's just like... It's so hard to hurt him. Oh my God. Your hair looks like kind of, kind of shitty today. Speaking of, that was like, dude, you guys got to tune in a Super's Valorant Streams.

It's like Saturday morning cartoons. I tuned in. They're so amazing. They were tame. I don't know. It's not about him freaking out. It's that he's really bad at the game. I thought he was fine.

No. His aim is bad. Was he ranked? He's a diamond one. And he only pops off when it's platts. It's just funny. He's like, you know, he was a pro gamer. And now he's playing a game that's kind of similar.

And he can't, like, really put it together in the way you expect it. He's the tallest eighth grader. The funny thing to me is that he plays a bit like a Discord kid, where he throws up the wall, he chucks out his sage util, and then he heals and then he dies after missing his shots. He's playing Overwatch. He's like me. He'll die with a full belt every time.

But the belts in Valerant are like, vials and in cobras You also keep your belt Huh? You keep your belt What do you mean? Like when you die In Val- Oh you don't Yeah so you don't lose the eco Dusty belt

Anyway that old dusty belt It's amazing and to watch him Be such a You know It's like getting a really strong guy To do like math puzzles or something Like you don't know how to do that Why is he bad at Valeran he should be good at Valerant

Valerant was like the game When like it came out it was just like oh cool all the best players are from other games. They were from Overwatch. Initially. Some CS, but not predominantly CS. Because no one could start in Valerant. Everyone had to come over.

Yeah, yeah. I remember the first thing I watched was like when the demo was out, you weren't allowed to play it. Yeah, but it was like Jordan, nothing Gilbert running on C-site. And I was like, there's a C-site? Yeah. You can't do that.

It was all of the things we joke about in Counter-Strike. It was like, they're going C. And it's like, that's real now. Yeah. It was real. We had a mnemonic device. to remember all the map names. No, that was you.

No, most like, that was him and I love it. No, and we all needed that. The line caught on. I think people were saying split the rope. I never heard split the rope, but I did hear they do be have in three sides. They do be have in three sites. They do behave in three sites.

What was bind? What was bind? Oh, I got to bind teleport. Oh, right, right, right. Memorable. Yeah, I remembered it. I heard it. How many years later?

Like five years later. Aiden and I go to fucking Germany. We're going to gamescom. Aiden's my babysitter. Yeah. He basically took, because Kelby's supposed to come with me to make sure I do my deliverables

and the partners are happy. And why didn't Kelby come with you? Because Aiden offered. Aiden said, I will go and I will take this burden from you, Kelby, because I'm going to go to a bachelor's party after. In where did he go?

He went to Poland. Poland. Did he take the walk there? He went to Krakaw. He went to Krakow. He went to Krakow. He did not bring. He did not bring.

He did not bring. the wall. Took the Krak off to Poland. Yeah, he went to Krak off with his Swedish boys. This is his big weekend, by the way. It has been studying Swedish to move to Sweden. This is the only time in his life he'll ever need to use it, including after he moves to Sweden,

because he's going. He's going to Sweden with 15 people for a bachelor party who are all Swedish. Or so he's going to Poland with 15 Swedes. So they're all going to be speaking Swedish. I realize, too, that he's kind of in this prison because he's the talk to Uber driver guy, which you need quite a vocabulary

to have like conversational, like a conversation with. You know, if you're not a talk to Uber driver guy, you can, you go to the store, you go to work, this and that. I've spoken to many Uber drivers in China and Japan. You don't need a, bro, you don't need a note how to say shit.

Sometimes they'll just keep talking. I'm saying that he needs, he wants to talk about anything. He wants to be able to explain about Tyler Ninja Blevins and how he works in, used to work in esports. I hear, but what I'm saying is I took a 20 minute Uber ride.

I said Duay and then he started talking about Iran in Chinese. And I didn't pick up any of it, but he kept going. Sure. And I just kept going, oh, how to, after he would yell something about Iran and the U.S. Yeah, he doesn't, he doesn't, he doesn't, what's, slime would put this into better words than me. He doesn't care about like how much friction it'll create to try to explain something as nuanced as like, for example, he'll get into an Uber and be like, yeah, we all compete in Super Smash Bros. Melee. He'll say that to the Uber driver.

Without the, he doesn't care about how much work it's going to be to make someone understand that who is like nowhere near what they need to know to understand something like that. He'll get them there. And he also, he also doesn't care if he gets them there. No, he doesn't. He's actually fully willing to say something to someone. They fully don't understand and then just move on. That's kind of good, though.

It's how you teach babies to be smarter. It is how you talk to babies. It's respect. I think this is why I dissuade myself from these conversations is because like this, this person is not going to understand why Falco is a glass cannon. And I don't care. And I'm not going to be able to understand it.

Imagine you the 10th writer. And they keep bringing up how Falco is a glass canon. At some point, the guy's going to go home and be like, well, I got to find out what the fuck is on a falco. So he's a billboard for Riptide? This is normal. This is normal. This is like the same thing happened with like Game of Thrones.

You know? the fifth person in your life says you gotta watch it, you tune in. That's not the same thing. That's saying you gotta watch a show. Oh, it's cool. There's swords. This is saying, so right,

let me break it down for you. Sakurai invented a game and then Nintendo characters got put onto it. Loki, that is, I mean, it's a more nuanced way to mention it. I'm running the simulation in my head of like, okay,

the four of us separately get into Uber's outside of the Genesis venue and the Uber driver says, what are you in town for? like what we would all say and I think I have it but I'm short on you so I want your help

Aiden gets in and he says oh I'm here for a Super Smash Brothers melee tournament and he doesn't do anything any other heavy lifting and he makes them try to understand that I do a similar thing where I do tell the truth

but I tell the story in reverse order because I believe I think naively I can get them to understand it so I would start it's like you know like the Super Bowl it's where I'm at something kind of like that but it's for video games yeah this is a good one slime gets into the Uber

and he says like I'm here for I'm here for Snake Con he makes some sort of joke that makes him laugh I don't lie to people wow reptiles and they go wow reptiles and you're like yeah reptiles if someone else in the car with you you'd do that

if you're by yourself in the car you buy yourself as a good distinction and guess who else did this when you were grilling that Uber driver at open sauce last year about the bay and what a bay is and you were acting like you were really

upset over bodies of water acting so imagine having passion about water. So it's a bag. This is him in the front seat. So it's a bay. So it's not enclosed. So there's actually an opening for it in the water. There's video. Here's the deal is the fourth time you brought it up. So clearly my passion

came off strong. It was, it was unique. Because you're still talking about it. What is Loebbeig saying this Uber? Oh God. What do you hear for? Because he's not really, he's not Aiden. You know, he don't want to explain this shit. And he's a lot of Uber's. He's also not me though. Like he's, I think Loveick is okay with someone not understanding. I can tell you

but I'll let you guys I mean he gets in the Is it current Ludwig now Because Ludwig going to Genesis now He goes for like four hours It's it's Lubbock now It's Lubbock now He gets in the

It's very possible He were to be like Oh this visiting friends Something that is Get out A lie Nope No

No wrong He says Try again He says He says Uh Oh It's here for work

Yeah I love the attempt No I'll tell you. I'll tell you. You're the Uber driver. Okay. What were you going to do? We all know what I was going to do. And I'm not going to, and we can laugh about it separately.

So pull up at your Tesla then. Hey, man, I'm your Uber driver. What's up? What are you doing in town? It says silent. It says silent and cold. My bad. You want a water bottle? You want a water bottle? Yeah. Water it in the back Silent, sure.

Ox cord, we don't have those anymore. Silent. You click silent? Yeah, yeah, I click silent and cold and then I point to it. I go, hey, how you don't. You come in with like your own Amazon ordered piece of glass that like affixes to any Honda.

Yeah. You can just put it right there and it's like and then I have a gif on my phone and it's a guy turning five stars down to one. It's like you from a red, bowl lower third. Looking at five stars and you're really tiny and you're but I'm curcified. And yeah, you're right. And then you hit the Lutty. Yes, that's what I do. No, I do. I do that a lot too. I'm here for work. I'm here for work. It's clean. It's easy. I, you know what?

You know what's weird about me too? I don't like the Uber conversation. I find it a little exhausting. But you know, I do it. I'm not crazy to deal with it. But I don't like clicking, no talking. I feel like it's mean. Yeah, me too. It's a preset so I don't click it. I think it's dehumanizing. Like you can set a preset that is there for every ride. That's what I'm saying. I don't even like setting that preset.

You may as well be a Boston Dynamics robot. Right. That's weird. That drives me around. I like to give every driver the opportunity to be somewhat interesting. Yeah. We can have some sort of a conversation. I'm okay with it.

I get five stars. I give the tip. So do you have it toggled? Yeah, always. On no talking. It's not no talking. I think it's like preferred. quiet and cool.

What's your, what's your rating though? It's good. It's like 4-9-something. 4-9-4 maybe? Not five. It's not a five. No,

it's not a five. I will say this is much as you're not enough people. Mine should be low. They can, well, they get paid. You need to rate someone

when they cancel? I don't know. I've canceled like late. I've done like gross cancels. It's funny. I drove to the airport and now I'm here. I've done like somewhere like I've,

I don't know. I used to be, I'd stop doing this, but I used to be ambitious. So I would land and I'd call the Uber in the plane. Too ambitious. At LAX?

At like new airports. Yeah. And then I discover it's like a 70 minute walk. Yeah. And then the guy canceled. So I assume that doesn't help. I'm a, okay, I'm a 491. Oh my God.

Pull it up. Pull it up. 491. Pull up. That's like. Show me your shit. That's like you have to go door to door to tell people. Show me your shit.

Where do you find it? Under Uber, under account. And it pops up directly. below your name. I know yours below my. I'm literally lower than you. 4-8-3. Dude,

that's bad. That's fine. That's bad. Now that I see I'm low, I realize it's fine. That's actually bad. No, it's not.

It's good. Okay, this has actually been going on for a while. My Uber is like, um, the qualifier. It's like, it's like bugged.

It says like, it says there's some reason. It's a negative number. Oh my God. It's like has to update. I don't Uber a lot Who was the last time you Ubered? I think I went to the airport once

I Uber a lot I tell you about everywhere I tell you about what happened with Ray and Squeaks No We're at a shoot for Squeaks He's secret launching merch Okay Did you just

No no no no It's been leaked What is the merch? What could he possibly be doing? It's very cute I'll show you after Is Mario on it Is it like a

Is it like the Pippo frog on a, like a baby people frog on hoodie. It's very cute on a hoodie embroidered. That's kind of, that would be kind of cute. He's not a people frog chat as well. He's blank we can find. He's not cheap. He's not a people frog. It's very cute. He does tingers. Sorry, go ahead. But anyway, after the shoot, they're all going to play Marip party. I'll come back here to do the yard. And Squeaks is like, oh, I'll call the Uber. And Ray's like, no, no, no, I'll call it. And he's like, no, it's okay. I'll call it. And she's like, no, no, I'll let me call it. Okay. And he's like, he's like, I, I'll do it. And she's like, well, and like there's a pause. And she's like, I just want it to be an Uber black.

And I think you'll call it a comfort. Wow. This is damning. And I just sat there. Wow. And I laughed. That might be more racist than anything you could say to him. I don't ride nothing but Uber Black anymore.

She only rides Uber Black. She's a boss bitch in this town. She only rides black. Did they change the price on Uber Black? Because I feel like it's not that much more expensive than the Uber Comfort. I think because LA, L.A's become rife with Uber Blacks. Yeah.

Because there's a huge number of like people who now sublet like, or not sublet, like lease insane car and then ride Uber Black with it to get the higher rates. Wow. Thinking they'll pay it off, which I don't know the value proposition there, but I think because there's so many

sometimes if it's a short trip it's like $4 more. Yeah. I've seen that a lot. We went to a Dodgers game and it was like literally $2 more for an Uber black and I was like, why would you not do that?

My rating is 4.88. I'm the lowest. I'm the lowest. Wait, you're lower? 4.8.3. Oh my God. 48 club, 4A crew. I thought it'd be higher.

I thought it was a darling. I thought it was a gem. 491 and I Uber the most. You do. And I Uber demos. You got a big sample size. You play enough hands of poker. Just that one time I upper deckered the Uber

when you shit in the glove box. Yeah, everyone does that, though. That's the annoying part. It's hard to sneak up there and take a shit too. And don't get caught. He's not looking. Like it's the chain chomp game? And he's sleeping.

Me and A and we're walking around Colon. We kept saying we're two white boys who are trying to spread Rastafarianism. Yeah. From Kingston to Cologne, Germany. Kingston to Cologne. They were willing to rap battle anyone. Really?

Yeah. Jesus Christ. Airman out. Airman out. Yermino. Jesus Christ. You would be the last two I had to do a rap battle. Yeah.

We were the last fucking two. Cafe Niro, come on. You're before him. I'm trying to say that. Bro, you're going in before Ludd. And then it's Aidan. I had a great freestyle rap on stream yesterday. I did a freestyle rap on stream yesterday.

Was there even a beat? Yeah, yeah. There's this new, there's this new daily. not daily game, this is a new, like, web game. And it gives you the end word, and then you fill in the blank. Of, I'm confused. Of the

freestyle. So it'll give you the, it'll give you randomly generated end words. Oh. And you could choose like AABB. So it does the rhyme for you? It does the rhyme, but you have to get, you have to connect it. Look it up. Got to be. We do it right now. Oh,

I would go crazy. We do it right now. What's it called? Help Zipper. Isn't the hard part of freestyling picking the N word? No, no, I would, well, crazy sentence, I just said. Let's enunciate the D next. End. Yeah, because which one you use, yeah.

No, I think that's part of it. Coving combinations, you're going to take a day off, all right? I think, I think you're right, but I think it's like training wheels. Like, I think if it's harder to freestyle the whole thing than have any of it given to you, what is it called? I don't know, bro.

It's called like rhymeversal. Okay. Zipper, you have your mission. It's a fucked up. It's always some bullshit like that. That is a vibe coded webinar. I'm a little, okay. What?

You said the freestyle wasn't good? It was good. Kingsen, Jamaica is a followed off the map? It was good. I just have this issue where I cannot freestyle without it turning gay. Without a blunt? Oh yeah. Really?

It turns gay. every time. It's so easy to turn freestyle as gay. It is. And it's a crutch and I can't, it's like, oh, I bought the AVP again. I don't know. I ended up my hands. I have this guy here. And now you're starting to climb

the leaderboard and you're like, ooh. And now I'm connecting words in ways that nobody thought possible. Now I'm rhyming shit together that previously had never been rhymed. Well, you know what the mechanic is behind that is you're using irony to help boost your confidence in what you're creating.

Is this it? Yeah, this rhyme game. This rhyme dash game 2026. Dotversal. And if you go to the homepage, they go free till July. And it's August. Oh. Almost September.

This was made with AI. Probably. Probably. And it's got the like words with friends vibe. So, so you. So you hit play as an example. And then it'll go through. It'll bounce.

and then there's music which isn't playing we don't hear it. And then you would rap and that's the N-word. So it's like you have to come up with a Say D at the end of that. It'd be funny if it's like End word.

Brace, peek, bleak, and then beep, the hard are. You see it coming like six words away? You're like, look at your friends. And popcorn, Ludwig. I got the gun. I'm gonna pull the socks. Yeah, you see Jason, Jason.

Come here. You do this one. Lacey, bro, I need a favor. But this is it, bro. This is it. And yes, I'm fucking crazy with it. Sipping hot, come at Cafe Nero. See, it's like, that's the shit that I fucking am thinking about constantly.

Yeah. I'm thinking about that constantly. That's cool, man. Especially when you're with Aiden. So, wait, what did you do? You said you fucked them in Germany? Bro, first off, you know, gamescoms in Cologne. What is Gamescom?

It's like the largest meetup of, of gamers. It's a gaming convention with 350,000 plus people. Holy fuck. It's the biggest in the world. It's bigger than E3 was. It's bigger than anything ever and it takes place in Cologne, which is funny because they've never used that before. And so

we get over. That's my first time there. And it's all Europeans. I'm barely getting recognized. Dude, you're literally, you were on vacation clothes time. Kind of yeah. Look at your story. Your fucking bebed hair down. I'm beamed hair. Open chest. Big on. I don't even know where you got it.

Instagram? Big on necklace? No, no, I bought that. I bought that store. Some sort of made a spoke over. A necklace store. Silver Smith made it. Yeah.

Maybe GLD. Look at that. You just bulk you're a way with a different body and a chest hole. But it's such a different body. Yeah. It's such a different. It's hard to be more different. Yeah, I guess.

A couple things, I guess. Yeah, we go. And it's sponsor week for me. I'm being turned out. Yeah, man. I land at 11. I take the train. I get there at 1.

I have to start my rehearsal at 130. Who hit it the best? Who hit it the best? Who left the mark? On me the most? Like you did all your obligations and you walked away like bow-legged. I walked away bow-legged from Samson.

For sure, bro. Samson. Samson puts you in the big weird stir-up machine with a dildo that just goes. They go and go. We did the PubG mobile tournament and it was three days, two days of streaming one rehearsal shoot.

And Samsung does it different, bro. Samsung said people to be like, oh, the stream set for 355 could do 350? Better for, I don't know. Yeah. And I'm like, tar. Whoa. Yeah, there's like a deep psychological reason.

Like 350 is actually, people respond more to zeros at the end of times. They like zeros. They like zeros. Can we get some zeros in there? So they made you lick the total. So I'm looking the fucking toilet bowl clean, bro. Damn.

I'm paying for the wedding here, man. You keep saying, I'm paying for the wedding as if you could not have paid for the wedding before. I could have paid for the wedding, but this covers the wedding without losing money. Let me just tell you some shit right here. Zipper, we need to bleep this. Or Archie, we need to bleep this. Guess how much the flowers that the wedding costs? Just have a fucking shot in the dark.

Ooh, I'm going to say. And let me tell you, it went down. It was a higher number. I don't like this game. I'm going to guess. that was the original price Dude what Down

Dude what the fuck Whoa It's fucked up I'm getting all mad It's fucked up I'm getting all mad Share your fucking feelings bro, let him know

Why are you getting mad Well because it's just too much money It's a lot of money But when the love of my life It's a cross for me And Pass you a question And she goes she goes

It's too much We can't do this But then she paused She goes It's so pretty though You're mind controlled You're being fine controlled.

I go, I go, we'll get it. So, so it left to your own devices. So you can't hear this. It's a great question. Left to your own devices.

How much we spend it on flowers? If left to my own devices, I genuinely don't think I'm capable of preparing a wedding. So not to, not to dodge a question, I'm not to dodge a question, but like, the amount of planning that goes into a wedding

is like absurd. So if, if left to my own devices, I would hire a planner, and I would let them fucking, it'd probably be more money. They would do the same thing. Yes.

Because the thing is when a wedding planner's job is to make the wedding go well and upsell you. Like they're upselling you constantly but it's also an industry that usually you understand a lot less about. But Qudy knows a good deal about it. So like she's getting a good deal

which sounds absurd when you hear the numbers. Yeah. But she's getting a good deal for the value of the product of the stuff. She's definitely getting a great deal. Sounds like it. She is. Deal.

That's cheap for flowers, I've heard. It's way cheap, dude. And it's probably the last purchase, right? There's something else going on for the wedding? A couple more things. Okay, without, if it was left to your own devices, you're very, you're in love of your life. What does your wedding look like?

Oh, man, I have no vision. It would probably look, I don't know, it would be some fucking horribly cringe. Are you a wedding guy? I don't know it sounds like a dumb question, but like are you like a like if you if you had a partner that was like I don't want to have a wedding would you really push to have one or would you be like that's fine yeah yeah I would I actually have it okay I imagine it's a beach wedding it's on an island okay just at the coast there's a bridge

it leads to sort of a a a a smaller now you know those like you can see like an island that you can walk on it's like not an aisle like a almost like a like a like a big rock like a pier like a Peer, like natural. Okay. So a pier that goes out, yeah, to a jetty, a jetty. Does it play a steel drum? The jetty is raised and it almost looks like a gumdrop. It's a gumdrop jetty with sand on top and the bridge goes out there and there's, you know,

coconut trees. And we sit there and one of the coconut trees is curved in such a way that like it's like hooked and you can sit on it. And we walk out and this is a song we walk out too. And we get married on there and I have her share the papau fruit with me and then and then we love each other for what fruit? The papau fruit and that gives you what sort of buff? Uh, the papau. If you both eat the papau fruit, then it said that you'll love each other forever and I'm drunk as fuck in the crowd and you're just-

Call-off the wedding. Call-off! I'll fucking say what you're saying. Call it off. Call it off. I'm standing up in the crowd. And you just yell at me. I'm going to headlock.

And I'm like, I'll fucking kill him. I'll fucking kill him. I'm gonna kill you married and the fucking girl. This is a different. I got suspenders on and I go, this is a party. The party. And then I did that put on a gun at your wedding?

I'm gonna fucking kill my zone too, bro. I'm fucking dude on the jail. The gumdrop jetty, bro. And I'm sitting there and I'm going fucking shoot me first. I start crying. I started crying because I've ever seen you like that. Shoot me first.

I've ever seen you go fucking serious like that. And then you put your finger out like this and somehow you mind control and the fucking gun just goes down. Shoot me. put it down, I release Aiden. That's fucking beautiful, man. I hope that happens at my wedding.

But Aiden, he didn't get enough air for too long. He died of my arms. Yeah, Aiden does. And Aiden is just, he's keeled over. He's not dead to be different forever. He just, like, oxygen deprived. Yeah, he's just oxygen deprives and he can't think is fast anymore. Face down, ass up.

That's the way I like to sleep. You sleep with your face down and your ass up towards the ceiling? That's the way I like. to sleep. But haven't you had like pretty bad back issues? Yeah, all the time. Like recently been terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible back. So are you sleeping like that because you're just at your width's end and you don't know how... Base down ass up. That's the way. I heard a song. Yeah.

And I changed the lyric. Are you doing it? And I did it and I thought it would be funny if I changed the lyric and lived that way. Ah. And so, and yeah, it's been great. It's been really cool for me. I think not one time have you shared a fact about sleeping on this show where you've come across as normal. What are you talking about normal? I'd love to help make you more normal and get rid of your back issues

without any sort of lyrical miracle. I don't think that's possible, but you can try. He looks like. He looks like. He looks like. He looks like. He looks like.

He looks like. They have a sleep quiz that you can take to get a unique mattress that is set up for you. And they have a bunch of different designs with memory foam and different cooling features. Helix.

Call me Felix. No cat. I got a penis instead. You know what I'm saying? Free shipping. Free shipping. Free shipping. We'll order it for you. Free shipping. I like a lip ring. No cat. No cat. I got okay. I got a little cat because I don't want pussy. I need you to try it. This is a hundred twenty-night sleep trial. Yeah. If you don't like it. If you don't like it, if you don't like it. If you don't like it. I got stomach bile and guess what? No cat. And you can go to helix sleep.com slash the yard. That's no cat for 20% offsite. Why? That's helix sleep.com slash the yard for 20% off-site. Why get your. You get your. sleep sleep mattress. I sleep in one. I like it a lot.

This will help my problems in my body and my pussy my crass. It'll help one of 30 problems. Healytsleep.com slash the art. Bro, so he was my chaperone and the reason I say I made his fucking life hell is because he would need to fill me at certain points

like for a YouTube short looking natural with my Samsung. All right. But every time he filmed me. How do you look natural if you're in the fuck machine getting fucked from like seven of the you're all sweating Yeah

No Oh Yeah okay Let's have Let's do the meeting later Adjusting the vibration Settings on the Samsung app Put the fucking leg down

I was making it hard on him Every time he would come up I'd say one thing I don't even know If I can repeat it I don't even know if I can fucking say Hey, bro, you brought it up. I don't even know if I can fucking say it.

We just muted. Archie will carry many secrets to his eventual grave. I kept saying, Kelly. Dude, that's crazy. That's crazy to say. There's like, dirty minutes of me saying that throughout the week. And the issue is, well, this is what I hadn't thought about,

is Aiden is recording this all on a Samsung Galaxy S-26. Ultra that he was given by Samsung. Of course. At the end of the week, he had to give that phone back. All the videos on it. No. And I asked A,

and I was like, did you delete the phone? He goes, no. No, everything's still on the phone. You're like, you're like fucking Spongebob taking the fucking snowballs? Remember that episode?

No. SpongeBob Snowballs, Mouth. Zipper now. Or is it Patrick? It's Patrick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Big Millennial.

dude someone make a fucking version of this with kelby's face who's go to the middle we have to bleep his name we can't put his name out there we can't we can't it's like a Samsung logo fades it in the corner Samsung make your dreams come true oh that's right you swallowed it

so so what you did this thing that you're embarrassed about and then you had you told us well you did it I know but I'm telling you as a fucking friend that I kept tasting this forbidden fruit he loves doing the wrong thing on camera

because otherwise it's not that funny it's not that funny and this is this is the I think of the mentality that's going into Ludwig when that phone comes up in his face and then and then Aiden is filming he if he does something that can go into the video it's not a joke

it's content yeah he did something to make Aiden laugh to break the barrier. Beautiful. Something's aversive. He's in there. Yes, dude. Yet fucking yes, bro. So what is the result of all this?

Samsung has this 30 minutes that could bury you? They have 30 minutes that could, well, I wouldn't bury me. It'd bury our relationship. Yeah. I don't think they'd look at it and be like, fuck yes. Oh my God, this guy's a hoot. This guy rules. You don't think there's someone at Samsung that they'd chuckle a little bit?

I don't know. Samson's a funny company. The way they work is that every, I think I've told you this before, but like every lead position is, like someone who's Korean. And so like, even further Western advertising,

it will be someone who's Korean who doesn't, maybe like, they're not as tapped in to like, you know, NA streaming as someone from... Are they Korean Americans or are they importing their own Koreans? Korean.

Okay. From South Korea. And, and so, Like, you know, for all the events, there's like a little disconnect. Because there's like things that I'm like, oh, this doesn't, this doesn't wouldn't do as well for a stream. But they're pumped about it. How interested are they in your input as the streamer?

Not at all. It's not even a little bit. Holy shit. I'm a little bit. I bet you some of them think that he's ninja. It's just he doesn't do the blue hair anymore. They know I'm not ninja because ninja burned them. Oh my God.

That's right. He did the ads. Ninja burned them so they know I'm not. Ninja. But I treat it like mini golf. Right. There's a set hole. I just got putted in. Put it in the hole. We don't got to make the whole fucking wacky.

Just gotta hit the ball in the hole. Do you find it less embarrassing to do... I mean, maybe you don't find embarrassing at all, but instead of having to do anything live streamed, if you do like a film thing, it's way easier to swallow. Like flipping on your stream for a sponsor carries a risk of it being fucking lame, right? I think, I don't. I think they're one

the same. I think it's all lame. Really? Yeah, but like, that's fine. You know what I mean? Like, I don't mind being fucking D1 or Kevin Hart. But is live not more... Oh my God, is lovely the Kevin Hart of streaming? Probably, yeah. Wow. That is so interesting. Yeah, I'm probably

the Kevin Hart. Because you are like very loved. You know, like universally very loved. No, no, no, no. He has ops. Across the board. Yeah. Lullo has Ops, but so does Kevin Hart. Hart doesn't have ops like Llewitton has Ops. Kevin Hart has Ops. He has Ops. He has got an art. Kevin Hart famously has ops.

Who? There was the whole thing with the, who's the guy who was beefing with him? And they were supposed to chop it out the roast, but they did not chop it out of the rose. The comedian. I don't know. Oh, my God. White comedian, black comedian, man, woman. Cat Williams?

Cat Williams. Oh, Kat Williams. Bro, you can't have beef with anyone if you got beat up by a kid on camera. I'm saying, you just can't. But I'm saying everyone who fucks with cat is like, he's actually spitting, bro. Kevin is a fucking snake. Interesting, interesting. Who's your Cat Williams?

Maybe it's me in the future. Uh-huh. No, you're not my Cat Williams. Like, it could be. You couldn't be. We love each other too much. Cat Williams accused Kevin Hart of being an industry plant. Yes.

When did Kevin Hart's career start? Could he have been an, I guess he could have been an industry plant, but like, I mean, I don't think industry plant is, like, to me that's so silly. It's a little silly, yeah. I don't know enough about this. I will not speak on this. Cat Williams I won't do it.

Cat Williams went on Shannon Sharps show. Was it before or after he abused that damn snow bunny? That's tough to say. Around. Around. Okay. Close to. Okay.

Good to know. And then talked crazy shit on Kevin Hart. Damn. And then it stung Kevin's reputation a bit. And then Kevin brought Cat Williams out to the roast of fucking whoever the last one was that Shane Gills hosted. I don't even remember who was roasted. Sanguous?

Shingles was the host of the roast. Oh, not the roasted, Kevin Hart. That's the shangulous clip that everyone was really like talking about. But anyway, and then they were supposed to kind of chop it and they kind of chopped it, but there was still some animosity.

It was roast Kevin Hart. Yeah, that's the infamous changulous joke heard around the world. Which one? Hard to repeat. Dude. Kevin Hart would need to use a bonsai tree for this.

activity that Oh, that was a joke? Oh my God. The famously... Oh, I don't even know it. Dude, so it's like, there is a point, I think, that happens in fame and money and

this business where Kevin Hart's worth like a nine figure guy, right? He's probably a billionaire. Like, that's crazy. It's a lot of money. Cat Williams probably not that much, but he's probably lived, Kyle Williams probably has a very comfortable life and doesn't have to work like a job that sucks or whatever until the end of his

short life. He don't got to do Jumanji for. He doesn't. But how much does street credit end up mattering is a good question, right? You can have $100 million and still be kind of upset that people hate you for no reason. And it's hard to consider that. I mean, it matters. It matters nothing at all. Like that's a real answer. I mean, it is if you assigned value to it, right? What was all the money for if not to, I don't know, everyone's value system is different. Sure. My question is Kevin Hart, who is a guy who will start a vegetarian restaurant chain, concerned about that? Or does he not care because he's the kind of guy

that would start a vegetarian restaurant train to get money? I think he doesn't care. I think Kevin Hart's all things. He wants to fucking get rich as fuck. It's funny, he's also the only guy. Damn. This is how I know I'm Kevin Hart. He's the only other guy when I first started streaming

when I looked up hashtag mogul moves, whoever used the term. He's used it? He used it before me. There was Kevin Hart and Dawson. Yeah. Wow. Spive Bidaze was your like Hart burger or whatever the fuck that restaurant was called. Heart, healthy, heart, healthy heart.

Heart? Oh, Swipe Badee's was that for you? No, Swipe Badez is more authentic. What? I think I cared more about Bidays than Kevin Hart cares about vegetarian restaurants. I'll give you that. Yeah. Because they weren't, so, you wanted one in every American household.

You kept saying that. I want one in every, I still do. He would say that like we were working out. I want a bidet in every house. It's so funny when Miles would be working on that stuff when he was here. He'd always be like, yeah, Ludwig just like doesn't want to make any money on it. So it's a very interesting project because I just like,

he doesn't want any money. So it's like, where is this going to go? It's true. I just wanted a bidet in every house. He just wanted to dump your stock. Yeah. As fast as possible. Honestly, I remember vividly the My Pillo guy.

And I wanted to be the My Pillar guy, but for bidetes. Yeah. I wanted to influence elections with toilet water. staunchly Republican. Yes. And we were going to take back the Senate with one simple trick. Do you guys, I had a question that came up the other day. My girlfriend, her friend got, they argued over whether or not you should buy a juicer from Goodwill. And I thought this is very interesting. Because she was like, it's a really good juicer. It's like a top. And juices can be very expensive, right? And this juicer was like $15. You know, in Goodwill, it's like the appliances are like double digit, 50. $15. And I was saying, you don't get a juicer from Goodwill because there's too many things inside it and it's juice, right?

It's too scary of a machine inside to know what could have gone through it. A blender you can get from Goodwill because a blender you can see everything. Like the blades are down there and you get under it, you can clean it, whatever. It's glass and it's blades and it turns on. A juicer inside of it is a mysterious. Okay, surely a fancy juicer still has the option. to be able to deep clean it. Yeah, I was going to say,

this is what matters the most for me. Some juicers, like the juicer I grew up with in my childhood house, there's no, there's no compartment for juice to hide. There is the like, the shape thing that like you put the fruit on that juices it and that is part of the container

and you just dump it out of the container. I don't even, I don't know though. So there's nowhere for juice to hide, then you just clean it. I think juice hides. If juice could hide. Yes. And you cannot deconstruct the thing.

Don't buy a juicer from goodwill. Or if deconstructing it was too difficult or required you to send it. If it's going to be like a Michael Reeves project to open this thing, buy a juicer on Amazon. There's a timer inside of it and a little dynamite. Yeah. Well, okay. Well, my question is, is that a reasonable anxiety if you can't, if the juice can hide? Yeah.

You, you're at points unreasonable with your food safety. I've watched food out of the trash. So it's interesting, you feel this way. But you're valid to me. He is a food safety concern guy. The best by date skeaves him out. That's true. Me too.

It doesn't skeeve me out. Doesn't. No, because I think it's mostly fake. My girl ate something with mold on it. And then she went, ah, man, it's moldy. And she threw it away.

And I was like, dude, my girlfriend does that too. I would literally be freaked out for a year. It's fine. It's not fine. It's fucking mold. It's fucking mold.

You don't eat mold. I don't think it's like that bad of mold, though. but it's crazy it my microphone was like yeah I drank some water and I think there was mold in my cup

and I just kept drinking it and I was like what the fuck that okay you're self-destructing yes I know freak bob I was like

yourself can you talk about it I do think still water I would be scared of okay so my the thing that got me here is that

weirdly I feel blenders if someone blended something crazy in a blender like a hamster yeah And I knew that

But if I needed a blender still from Goodwill And I was broke I would still get that Well yeah because a blender you could put a drop of fucking soap And then you just blend You would just clean the whole thing out And I'm wondering if I'm alone in this Or this is a reasonable thing I think it's reasonable

But I think it comes out of whether you can clean it I would never buy a blender from Goodwill Because the under the blade is such a secret What do you mean? You could find the secret You could find the secret No bro it's like a it's like a fucking turbine thing and there's probably hair

and air and shit. You could just blend up some ice cubes, some water, and some soap. Like, or things that are more fibrous. It's going to get rid of all. That's what the ice does. If it got rid of it, it wouldn't be in there. They would have blended it out with their past project. You understand me? Yeah, I get, I don't know. Either, I was revolted at the idea and I wanted to deconstruct that

because I was like, why do I feel so? No, juicer shouldn't be there, but this doesn't matter. Yeah, I think anything that is meant for food is weird to buy used. What about a walk? That's fine. Because there's like a...

See, that's crazy to me. But there's all... Now you guys are crazy. But we like... But like, okay, I know it's not a cast iron walk. But like with cast iron pans, that's kind of the whole thing, right? It's like, you don't really walk. You wash them, but you don't like deep clean them.

You don't scrub them. It's for the history. I think a walk holds a lot of the flavor of what was cooked on there. Yeah, you want. And what if they're cooking up hamsters every night? Wow. And every time you eat, you're like, it's gamey. It's gaming.

It's gaming. It's gaming and I made vegetables. Honey, where do you get this meat from? We eat this broccoli. It's gaming. Hamster chops tonight. It's a broccoli, yeah. And that stays on that pan forever.

And you can't clean that off. Really? I think metals, metals that are heated because the traditional idea is that heat kills, right? And this is my mind saying, the walk, you just heat it

to an unimaginable red-hot blacksmith level. You've killed all hamster particles and now we can enjoy our stir fry. I'd be more afraid of like than like the germs or whatever. of like the teflon or whatever

like I'd be afraid that I'm gonna eat fucking microplastic you should also fear that too another thing to fear yeah man it's all very scary stuff are you a teflon house no we have a cast iron

and then we have like some pretty nice pans I don't think it's like the hexaclad shit dude you I think I might have taken some years off Miles's life because when he lived with me he cooked and he's a very like

he's very brutish he's like one of the guys in Halo like the big fucking guys. Oh, he's the Flutter.

No, it's like the big motherfuckers. The guys that hold the... They always have the big cannon gun like this. The blade on the end. The brutes.

He's a brute. Anyway, imagine that guy cooking chicken and he's like in a stove, he's in a kitchen and he has the gun

on his side. That's Miles. And Miles would like, it's so inconsiderate but it's fine. It's fine. It's not mad about it. He doesn't seem even

fucking a chicken breast and then he take a knife on a new non- stick pan and just be like shh-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-h-h-h-thry-thru it. Right through it and he just like cut a fucking like right through. He like pulls off a teflon

flake and puts it on top like a garnish. And practice cutting for one of the meats, and then he, you know, he'd see if it's cooked. It's like, it's good. And then he'd, you know, put it. And then I'd look at this pan and it was just be like this, this mutilated thing.

It's the scratches and shit. That's so bad for you. I know, and he would just eat it. And he'd be like, want me to make you some food? I'm like, no, Miles, I don't. Because one, I'm mad at you, but two, it's poison. You're gonna grow mushrooms out of your neck in five minutes.

We swamore a pure stainless steel household. Okay. And you can gut that shit all you want. Yes, it's cool. But hold on, I watched a video on, I hate that, I don't remember the details, but there's like a downside to every type of pan. What is the downside of the stainless steel? It's like a bitch to cook with.

That's it? Yeah, yeah. Like, if you cook eggs on it, but you don't heat it right and use a fuck ton of oil, then the egg sticks to the pan. as opposed to non-stick. We like don't have like a perfect pan. I like watched a whole video on it. Like even like the crazy Jordan Ramsey fucking hexaclad, whatever stuff,

like that stuff even chips over time. I think, I think you're right. At least in the sense that some require some skill. But that's part of it. Sorry, perfect non-stick. We have like cast iron and stuff. That's fine.

Yeah, yeah, it's fine. We don't have a perfect non-stick. Yeah, it just requires a bit of skill. It requires a little bit of finesse. Finesse. If you guys were in the wilderness and you had to like live Do you think you could fucking kill and hunt a rabbit

And then cook it and eat it Yeah 100% I don't think it would be so hard How would you get it? How would you get it? It's faster than you How would you get it? Instead of a trap

What would the trap Consist of? Describe your trap My trap would be So I'm lying down And I put a bunch of leaves Over me Pita Mellark style

Put a little peanut butter On the tip Yep, around the tip And I have my hands Right here A mushroom And then I wait for something To nibble on it

Oh it's done one Well you wait a little longer Enjoy it while it lasts, you know? Wait a little bit longer. And then I go, and then it leaves and I gotta go, I gotta reapply peanut butter. I call the penis fly trap. The penis fly trap.

And I'm capturing anything and everything. It could be a fucking bear. It could be a fucking rabbit. Anything. A bear. If it's catching a bear. After it nibbles on your penis. Do you know how fucking soft and pussy black bears are?

What did you say? What the fuck are you doing? Soft and pussy. Black bears are soft pussy. Bro, what the fucking? Okay, black bears, yes. They are, you could probably catch a black bear. You can catch a black bear, bro.

But what if it's like, they are not black bears? They're brown bears. I would know which part of the words are in. If it's brown, lie down? No, if it's black, fight back. If it's black, fight back. If it's brown lie down, if it's brown lie down. No, no, black bears are not scary because you can fight down.

Because it's like you got no shot. Yes. Yeah. It's no shot. You're just hoping that it gets caught in board. Dude, you can't even fucking climb a tree. They can also climb trees. You're supposed to run sideways, right?

You're supposed to run, like, you're not supposed to run the straight lines. You're supposed to run like as diagonal as possible. That's got to be fake. Because it's bad at turning. I think it's fake. No, look it up, bro. I swear to God. I think that's fake, bro.

You don't want to say it's useful, people should know. They run 30 miles an hour, bro. If you are listening to this podcast and you are some, for some reason being chased by a bear and you're trying to remember what we said because it's the only time you've been exposed to anti-bear tech. And then you die. Oh, no, this is alligators. Yeah. That makes so much for a sense.

This is alligators. All right. It is. You mixed them up. Yeah, I did mix them up. Because you were treating bears like fucking bowls.

Like they couldn't turn. I watched, what, is it Robert Irwin? What's Steve Irwin's kid? Also, alligators run away in a straight line as fast as you can. Ignore the myth about running in a zigzag better.

Also fun. There we go. Yeah, okay. This makes sense now. Is Steve Irwin's kid, Robert Irwin? Am I getting that right?

Robert Irwin is his video. Someone asked him the zigzag question. And he was like, he didn't, he didn't really say like it's a myth necessarily, but he was just like, it's really just about how close to the water you are. Like, if it's kind of close to water,

even if it's not in the water, if it's kind of close, you are dead. Don't even wonder what you should do. You're dead. But if you're not near the water, it has no chance. It's not catching you. It's because the water makes it fast. The only way it can move quickly. The tail fucking pushes its fat, fat, fucking oafish

body. But if it's like a polar bear in Arlington, Texas, you're pretty good shot. Yeah, there's no way it's catching you. Okay, well remember that, yard listeners. It's a genuine debuff. If you're near an alligator and it's near the water, you're dead. Me with peanut butter on my tip in the water.

Uh-oh. At what point, how many days do you hold off breaking a bunny's neck? What do you mean? Because I don't think you have that in you to do it. I think there would be a filter where like, I don't want to kill you. Maybe I'll find some berries. Dude, finding the rabbit and capturing it would be so much easier for me than skinning it. I wouldn't want to do that.

I think you guys are underestimating how fast rabbits are and how hard they are to trick. I think rabbits are fucking dumb and oafish. I watch these videos online is these guys that set up a trap with cardboard. And so the first part of the trap, it's like the cardboard box is a house

that has two doors. And the first door closes when they walk in and the second door drops when they try to walk out. So I'd know I already had to do this. I've seen this on shorts. I would take a day to a starvation day and I'd study the rabbits.

So I would fashion some sort of gilly or gilly like outfit. I would just sort of go where I know rabbits are generally around in this area. And I would lay and watch. And I'd see what fauna are they attracted to? Wow. Because I'm not going to have fauna are they attracted to. Because I don't have like a Mr. Good bar to lay out for them. Like what am I going to put?

But what do you find the fauna. So I find the fauna. You also said peanut butter by the way. This is a better plan. Where is your peanut butter coming from? Oh, I store it in the skin. Really? It's constantly in my penis

You produce peanut butter. If that's true, I don't produce it. I just put it in and it's always there. If that's true, it's true. I don't know what to say. It's true. You never seen inside of it. I'm a flor and fauna guy, okay? And I find it and then I gather it.

Okay, I gather some of that fauna. And I take it back to camp where I'm going to set up my trap. And then the trap is I take whatever, you know, vineary or tree branches I have and I tie. I fashion a string. And then I get anything that I can fashion to be sort of trap bucket like,

shaped, put a weight on it, rock, a rock weight. And I sit in gilly with the fauna. And I wait. And I wait. And if they come, they come,

I capture, I drop it. Oh, rock captures it. Can I, good? Can I improve your design a bit? Yeah.

Because you're really hopeful to think a bucket with a weight on it would drop and then just stop. It would. It would balance. It would balance. It would bounce. It would be balanced.

It would a hundred percent bounce. Why would it bounce? Because that, that's just how it works equal and opposite reaction because the energy goes into the earth, the earth doesn't absorb it all bounce it back. No, it would only bounce if it landed unevenly because of the weight

distribute. If it's perfectly distributed, it would not bounce. If it was perfectly distributed, if it dropped it out, look who's dropping it, bro. You've got shroud dropping it. The ground would also have to be perfectly flat then too. Yeah. Where do you think I chose to drop? Where do you think I chose to set the trap? I can put it anywhere. I would clear out a flat clearing

for the fauna. Here's what you should do. Can I tell you, I have a rabbit guy myself. Are we both in the forest together? And I'm sitting next to you and I'm going, bro, let's just use the peanut butter. He's already got his dick out. You have the bucket and then you slide,

you have just the door. So the doors open you, when you pull it, opens the door. And then when the rabbit walks in, you close the door. Such a more complex contraction. Isn't this just a stick in a box, but you made it doors?

I just put a stick in a box. No, it's much different. Because the stick in a box. box is, is different. I don't think it is. They enter a place, you do something, and then the place becomes unleavable. I mean, I guess when you, if you want to fucking boil it down, everything is sticking a fucking door. Okay. Everything is staying, the Patreon's a stick in a door. We fucking, get them in the fucking Patreon. We put a stick in the fucking door. Smart. Okay. And they all, they're on the Patreon episode now. Yeah. You know, I didn't mean to belittle your

content. It sounds like you're upset. I fucking kill so many. I fucking kill so many. rabbits. Yeah. Well, with many methods. It's funny too. I named, I said, how would you do it? You named a very avant-garde method involving your genitals instead of the door one that you named immediately after. Well, he had to hear a good idea

to make it better. I honestly, after doing them both, think the penis one's better. Why? Because you get, it's, you get more feel. You get more. You get more out of it. You get more play for. Yeah. Sometimes the issue with a stick in the box is that you capture something you don't want to

capture. Wait, what would you do? My friend's dad, you remember I told you a story? I went to my friend's dad farm and he gutted a pig and shot in front of us and we changed our lives. He had a really ingenious idea to catch rats in his workshop and it was, it's a big one-em-five gallon buckets and there's like a little path that goes up to it like a little ramp and on it across it is a toilet paper tube or a paper towel tube and it's got peanut butter in the middle. The rats climb up the ramp. They go over the bridge, it's oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, we, whoa,

and they fall into the bucket and now you get to bucket of rats. And then you loob up the bucket so they can't climb out. They can't climb out in general, unless there's like a million rats. You oil the bucket. Trust me, I've been here. Sorry, I got to be the worst smelling bucket of all time. Well, they're live rats.

And then you can do what you want with them. You do what you want. You check every day. They're not going to die in the thing in the day. You want to go fuck with the rat bucket? That's it. This is the trick. Oh, this is a paper plate? A plate? Yeah, paper plate on a spinn-y thing. It's unbalanced. And this one's not going to work

because the mouse is too small. No, no, it'll work. They wouldn't post that shit if it didn't work, bro. Oh, bye-bye. Oh, it's imbalanced so they get to the other side. Oh, look at phone. And now I'm taking phone pictures.

Look at old as shit. This might have been, bro, it's dead. And now it's full of mice. So then you've got your bucket of rats and you can do whatever you want with them. You can take them a store. You can use them as a weapon. When I was very young,

I know I'd be good in the wilderness because when I was very young, I read Gary Paulson's hatchet. We all read hatchet and we all thought we would do it better than bro. I took it heart. I mean bro did it good. He had like three spinoffs from that. He had to have a dream to figure out that the hatchet makes fire. That is what's happening in the book. Yeah, but the hatch is old. Like they didn't have TV back then. I didn't have TikTok. Like I get that. I have survivor now. Sure. I know what the hatchet do. Do you think we're all a little better at surviving because media things like

Yes, 100%. We have the knowledge, but I think they're better at surviving back in the day because they would do it. I think, yeah, I think they have better survival instincts because they, like,

there's no option but to continue to try to live. For us, we would be constantly wondering, when will we be saved? Yeah, I guess you're, you're just biting your time. Yeah. But, I mean, maybe when,

maybe something happens and then we're all stuck in the Canadian wilderness and society has truly collapsed. And then we're able to be able to, society. This is the plot line of yellow jackets on, was it Apple TV or something? HBO. You know, it's

like the soccer team that they are in a plane crash and they land on a remote island and they have to rebuild a society with only each other and they start going crazy. We would not go crazy. We would create an amazing society with each other. I'm down to do a firemaking competition with you guys. Wilderness

competition. A wilderness competition which includes fire. Look, you've done, that's why you were like saying maybe you get a skittish cutting the rabbit's neck off and skinning it alive. Yeah. Oh, because of the fish. Because I didn't know with fish. Yeah. And I don't think fish are different from rabbit. I think they are. I think some people think they are. I'd kill a million fish before I had to kill a rabbit. See, and a lot of people feel this way. A lot of people put fish below and their tier list of like respectable creatures with souls. Yeah. Fish are pretty low generally, but I put fish higher than most.

Why? Fish are equal to right. Because I think fish, I think the fish are the good fish. They're good fish. Oh, I think because the fish are good fish. Really? You're a soft spot for fish. Yeah, I think they're good fish. Your whole life has been developed it. I've always been good with the fish.

Okay. I had a couple growing up. All right. All right. Never had a rabbit. I think I have a soft spot for anything that doesn't seem to want to hurt me. As an animal, like an amphibian or anything.

Like most animals. Yeah. Like, I don't think I could go fishing. I think it's like 90 fucking 5%. It might be more. Maybe 99%. Most animals want to be left. alone. Even the big ones. Yeah.

Even like the fucking tigers. You know who kills the shit out of people? Hippos. Hippos, dolphins. Hipos kill people? Hippos are killed. And fuck their mouths? What do they do with them? Hippos kill them. Fuck they mouth. Yeah. Yeah, they bite your head like a big water melt.

500 people a year? To 3,000 daily, bro. Mr. Bees, bro. Get on that. It's each year. It's not daily. It's more than daily. Oh, I see what you're saying. I thought you're saying, yeah, 3,000 people. Everything. Oh, no, no. cops.

Yeah, yeah. I meant like, every day a hippos taking a life. Yeah. Man, imagine, imagine.

Hippos aren't cops, but cops are hippos. Waking up and being like, is today my day? Am I the one death of the hippo day? If I lived in Africa, I'd think about it every fucking day. Because it's got to be someone,

and I haven't heard of anyone today yet. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, it's like that dude you go to school with that kind of sucks and you're like, oh my God, he died? That Loki sucks,

but also like, that Loki sucks, but hippos must be smart. They know something. I saw a TikTok of a trendy TikTok that you know those trends for overnight oats. I wanted to get into that because I thought it would be kind of good to have breakfast to the morning, but I didn't have oats. So I've just been using rice.

Overnight rice? I've been making overnight oats with rice. How does it taste and make you feel? Honestly, taste terrible. Really? Yeah, it's a bad experience pretty much beginning to end. The rice kind of just swells. Sure.

And it holds all the milk. Right. You use milk? Yeah. I don't have water in my house. Sorry, I first mentioned that part too. It's so bad. It doesn't have to be this way.

No, I use rice and milk. You could try hungry root. You could try hungry root. I don't have any blueberry, so I have candy. I use candy. Blueberry favorite candy. Okay, what really quick? What do you call that?

What do you call you like a dish that you made? What if we tried like a smoothie? What have we tried like a morning smoothie? Let me fix this. All right. You've made some sort of horrible Frankenstein monster, like a children's... Well, I don't know any easier way to... I have a solution.

It's called Hungry Root. You use it. It's no, no, no. It's high quality. It's nutritious foods. A thousand grocery items. Salad kit, smoothie, snacks, all kinds of stuff. And there's no additive.

So I know you're using candy a lot in what you're making. It's actually bad for you're 30. Shouldn't be doing that anymore. Do I need water? I don't have running water at my home. Do I need water for it? You... You know what?

You might need to find water. I'm not going to lie to. You might. But that's beside the point. can get you water. We make a lot of money on this podcast. We can help you do that. We can get you running water. I don't think I'll ever have my water. So all this is 15 minutes for life. This is good for you. I feel like you're unconvinced that what you're eating is poison for you. And I'm here to tell you that hungry root. For instance, how about this? Ceylonter

lime chicken plus nap piece. That sounds pretty good. It sounds pretty good, right? It sounds better than what you've made. Spinich ravioli olivanka. No, I know you're, you know, you've been so that one says rice with zucchini. Yeah. I have half that. And that's not over. And that's not over. Overnight. I could make that. It would be different than what you're making. It would be different. I'd have to use salami for the zucchini.

I don't have anything else like that. Well, what's also cool about Hunger Room is, honestly, you could order all this stuff and then make it overnight like you want. It's kind of like the American dream. So here's the thing.

For a limited time, get 40% off your first box, plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to Hungryor.com slash the yard and use code the yard. Hungry root.com slash the yard. Code the yard. You get 40% off your first box

and a free item of choice for life. I want my free I want my free out to be water for life. I want free water for life. You know what? Sure. Hungry root.com slash the yard. Code the yard. Hungry route.

You need running water for it. It doesn't say it. It doesn't say that. You probably don't. You probably need it. You probably need it. I wish I knew for sure. I'm not going to be on this podcast.

I'm to say you don't need running water for hungry route. I don't feel confident saying that. I don't know what the thing you do. You're home to have running water. It's 50-50. You might not be able to order It's still a coin flip. It could be either.

Dude dying to a fucking animal like that would suck because you'd be alive for a little bit inside of it. So what's our well? It's our wilderness competition. Okay. We gotta make fire with flint and steel. Is Aiden involved? Yeah.

Are we teams? No teams. No. Okay, thank God. Yeah, I could. You know what? I'd kill Aidan. I'd kill Aidan.

I'd eat him and eat him in his butt first. The first thing we do, first part competition is make fire. Second part, hunt and kill Aidan. Third part. Dude, no, I like that. I like that that it's not just a wilderness competition. We have to find Aiden.

Yeah. And it's the most dangerous thing. He thinks the wilderness competition, it's the purge, Aden Edition. And Aidan just has to not get captured by us. Yep. But he also must find the coins. And Cam is a fox. Oh yeah.

And he's worth less points, but finding him is good. Yeah, Cam is bonus points. Why are you guys keep trying to hunt and kill Cam? He feels like he gives off an aura that deserves it. Kill cam mentioned. I think that's why. Okay. So what else? What else?

We didn't for, let's get this. Let's get this. We have to spend a whole night. I'm trying to think of, we have to build a shelter. Yeah, you have to build a shelter. You have to build a shelter. You have to make fire.

And you must hunt and kill something. These are the four pillars of being a... I don't think you need to hunt and kill. You don't need to be a vegetarian. You also just need to find food to eat. It's a little risky, right? It is risky. scary berries. It's very scary

to eat a scary berry. That's part of the wilderness expert. Because I know mustard seed better than anyone. I guess I don't. You do know mustard seed. No. We had a fuck ton of it in Dambar. I don't know that. Really? Mustard seed's an invasive plant and it's taken over most of

Southern California. You know when you drive through Puente Hills and it's just fucking yellow in the springtime. I do know about this. And it's just beautiful yellow everywhere. That's all mustard are we allowed to eat it? Yeah, yeah. You can eat mustard seed. You can just eat the yellow. Mustard plant I know you kept saying seed

It's a plant Mustard well you eat the fucking seed Okay But yeah you can eat that shit Is it used to make mustard Uh I don't think this type is This is

I mean you probably could It's tough because like But not the mustard that we fucking I think the competition is most interesting After like a week Where it like really matters right Well yeah We're not gonna fucking do that

But why not why not? Because you're dreaming of a fucking thing We're not gonna do bro But let's do it I think let's just make it simple, bro. Make a fire. Fucking shoot a rabbit in the skull. And then don't eat it and go to end and out after.

Okay, I mean, I hate to admit it. I think if you put me in the wilderness right now with no YouTube first, I don't think I can make a fire. Like, I need YouTube first. If I get YouTube first, I'll make a fire. I've seen, like, I've seen a lot of videos of people making it, but it's like, it's all different. Sometimes it's like the fucking the rock. Sometimes it's the stick. You would get flint and steel.

No. You would get Flint and Steel? No, no, no. Do I get diamond armor as well one week? What do you, in your mind, what do you get? Another portal. Like, because if you go raw into the wild with nothing, you're never making a fire ever. Yeah, I don't think so either.

I literally can make a fire. It'd be easy. With nothing. Please, we test. I. Please, we test this. The reason why you, never in a million years. The reason why you did the camping thing is because I was obsessed with watching camping videos and I kept telling you you should do this.

I hear you. And then we did it. I've seen guys make fires enough. Never in a million years. We should just go do this. We should just go put him in the wilderness and say make a fire and we'll watch. We would lose him on the yard. He would,

because you'd be in the wilderness forever. Let's do a stream. Let's get the fucking starling shit Maya has. Right. Stream ends when slime makes fire. We might as well do stream ends when the paint dries. And I get it, right? We've been in this spot a lot on the show.

What do you think you're doing? What are you talking about? Walk me through. I will not. Disclose my method to you because then you would know how. He's got a secret method. I'm admitting I cannot do it without some tools. I would need some tools.

I don't need tools. That's crazy. I'm sorry. I know how to do it. That's crazy. You don't. I know how to fucking do it. I actually do remember how they did it on Survivor.

I know. I would try that. There's a... I'm not going to name my method. No, in the, in what, literally in episode one of Survivor. So I've done, I've done it. I've done it once. And I did it in the camping stream.

where I had to make fire with just wood. Yeah. And I did that. But I still had kindling. Yeah. Which made it a lot easier. Yeah. And it was also a very specific type of wood with string set up for me to use.

You had string. That's part of the hard part. Well, you're string in the wild. Yeah, but you got to make it. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. Like if you had to fucking make the thing, because you also need like a knife to be able to whittle it.

You do need a knife. I'll say this. If you don't have a knife, you're kind of fucked. You're making a knife, probably. So you need some tool. I think,

I can't like a hatchet if we want to go back to the seminal classic. I will afford him a knife. He can bring one. I will afford him bring a knife. What's the knife made of? It's non-flammable knife. Make it ceramic.

Kill yourself. I just want to make sure. If it's a ceramic blade, I'm more on board. And I take it on plane, too. Oh, I see. No, yeah, it's like, yeah, sure,

something non-flammable knife. I don't know. Hey, set it up, bitch. I'll prove your dumb ass wrong. There's no fucking way he makes fire. It's not that crazy. Dude, we did it back when we didn't know English and shit and Nintendo. Yeah, but it was the only thing we were all grinding.

Of course we figured that one out. I look, I guess sure. If given enough time you'll get there. I wouldn't be that much. I wouldn't starve to death. But making a fire gets harder with time. Like, you get way more tired. You start to lose out on the gathered resources that you spend

resources trying to do it. Your wood starts to grind down, you know. It's going to get more resources. With time, it just gets harder and harder. It doesn't get any easier. I'm just saying, the amount of time that I spent watching dudes do this is enough to figure it out. That's all. And it's not

like fucking shooting a basketball or whatever and beating a fifth grader. It's different. It's easier. I will say. It's harder. No, it's easier. Those fifth graders are pretty good. I will say there's, I'll say there's an episode of Survivor, a recent one,

where they make a fire with two pairs of glasses. With magnifications. Yes. That's easy mode. That's easy mode. Deeriod. Do you can harness the power of the sun?

With the glasses, it's harder because they're not like magnifying glasses inherent. Like, I mean, I guess they... All glasses are. Yes, but like not to the degree

that a magnifying glass is. Even normal glass can be used. Even just a single fucking sheet of paper. An un-magnifying glass. Yeah, you just need to take the light and focus. it to a point. What I would do is I build a huge tower, like Babel.

Yeah. And I would have lightning strike it. Yeah. And then I would use the fire that surrounds the lightning strike. I did this in hardcore Minecraft. And to mark things on the map, I would just go really high in the sky and make a giant tower. I would make probably a hundred block high tower, maybe even more.

And everyone laughed. They laughed and they laughed and they laughed. Wait, what's the better way? Saving the cords? Yeah. Is there a better way that isn't, I would call that like spiritually cheating? it's not spiritually shooting I'm saying if you weren't allowed

to check coordinates and you weren't allowed to use the data like is there a better way in the game You could make a load stone compass and then the compass points to the loadstone if you fucking... I didn't know about that. You could do that.

But I made a big fucking tower and everyone laughed at me and I said, this is survival. These are the kind of things that happen naturally in my mind. There is a natural phenomenon to want to go high. Dude, I was watching this fucking show

yesterday I was watching jet lag and they're doing a scavenger hunt and they kept saying let's get high, we can see everything. Yeah. And then they would do it, and it wouldn't work. No, because you can't see shit. Why not?

What I'm talking about? You can't see. Is this dumb question? Is this in Minecraft or real life? This is real life. Okay. You can't see details. But it's like, yeah, you can't see details,

but it's the illusion of control because you now know contextually where you are. In the scavenger hunt, they need to find like a coy fish. Like, what the fuck are you going to do when you get high and be like, oh, it's probably coy fish over there. That is stupid, yeah.

No, I would get high and I would look to, I would look to see in what direction does any of the sort of fauna die off and I would assume in that direction there's less water and I would head the direction

where there is more life or maybe even mountains side I mean you are if it's a coy fish you're looking for bodies of water I feel like this says actually kind of With zero disrespect you would be the worst

of us for at a scavenger home Thank you for saying that so I didn't have to say Are you fucking meaning? No I didn't have to say it and I would get charged just the bad guy embarrassing. If the four of us go to an escape room and we're all in our own rooms,

I get out last. Are we fucking kidding? First off, an escape room is not a scavenor hut. That's different. That's a false equivalence. That's a video game. That's a video game. And you like those video games. So you want like a pure like we are in Boy Scouts and we're going out and doing a scavenger hunt in the city. Type of scavenger hunt. Yeah. Yeah. I'm last. Are you joking man? Yeah. If it's a scavenger hunt. I'm offended by this. This is hurting me. That's what I didn't say it, but I'm glad he did. Hop in. Disco. He's a hundred percent last. No. No. No.

He's not resourceful. He's not cunning. He gives up. He gives up. He gets mad. He said, this is gay. I'm rich.

Yeah. He'll say shit like that. He doesn't really say shit like that. He has said shit like that on Counterstrike. He would do well in the scavenger hunt if he was motivated. Yeah. Can you give me the form out of the scavenger hunt? Can you like build it out for me?

That's why I understand. Let's say the scavenger hunt is across Los Angeles. Yeah. And you have to find, you know, eight things. Yeah. eight things. And it's, and it can be,

it can be various. It can be like, find, you know, I don't know. Can we use money? Like, is it like,

oh, you have to find a blue shirt, which is like probably something you have to buy. You just have to buy anything. You just have to find it. But can you buy it? No,

no, no, because you don't need it. You just need to, like, possess it and bring it to a location. You just need to, oh, you just need to like, have a picture, I found it.

Find a shell or find, you know, one of those four, a one-armed man. One of those fortune teller booths. You're giving me that it's where only I grew up. Yeah, yeah. And you guys didn't.

Yet I'm still last. Last, dead last. Let's do this. Oh my God, any amount of money. What are you talking about? It's insane. I would know exactly where to go.

You would give me the list of things to find. I'd like, oh, I'll go here. I genuinely would do it. I'm just worried that the time allotment, I wouldn't have enough time because you would take so. We'd run out of a card. Yeah, I'm properly rage-rated. We'd run out of a card.

It's a problem. We'd have to have Dan switch. card. Yeah, because it'd be like 12 hours later Dan would be like, can we pause show? So we're out. All his batteries died. Every single one. All of data, all of LA, we ran out of memory cards.

There's no data left. There's no data. We'll have to clear out some Bitcoin. LA's out of data. I think he's a good point. I think you would struggle. I think... Okay, so slime needs to make fire. I don't think you would be last.

I think Aiden would be last. I also think that. I also think that. When you're in a fight, and you're disagreeing about except one thing you agree about. Yeah. The worst guy on Earth has the same opinion. Let's just fucking meet in the middle of something. So yeah.

But problem is, bro, no, there's no problems. I'd be the goat at it. I think Ludwig would cheat. Ludwig is very much the... He loves to cheat. He loves bending rules. Yeah, he loves it. He's obsessed with it.

I don't think that's called cheating then, right? Kind of is. It's the definition. No, that's bending rules. Otherwise, you wouldn't say it like that. I guess you're right. would be just cheating, but you're bending rules. But what can

you do? I'm a bit bent. What can I say? I know that. It's a YouTube channel bent wilderness. And you're like a gay guy trapped in the water. I'm surviving in the wilderness today. I am a homosexual man.

I can't find any fish. It has no impact, but I am. Guess who texts me today. Face banks. Yeah, you'll never fucking guess. Okay, let me get one. Guess who texted me today. You'll never ever guess. Uh, Michelle Carrey. They sent me their own Instagram post. Not Michelle Carrey.

And the post said, and this is going to give it away. It says, at 30 you're not finished, you're just getting started. It's not. And then they followed up with, you know this. But they misspelled this and they wrote, Rehiss. It's not nut. It's Gary V. Gary V.

Gary V. He says, he says, he says, messaged you. He says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, You know who Gary V is? Bro, he's like the, how do you, like, the philanthropist, like, philanthropist, like,

like, self-made guy. He's like Ty Lopez. He's the guy who would go to garage sales and he would like flip shit and then he would always tell you you're so young. Because someone, someone come up and be like, Gary,

I'm 35. I feel like it's too late for me to start a business. And he goes, stop right there. Stop right there. You're 35. Can you put, 35 is so young.

Is it for, please bring up the clip of Gary V talking about his NFTs. I don't know what they're It's one of the funniest clips ever You've probably seen it I feel there's no you didn't see this But he's like

It's a kind of recent clip Where he's talking about some sort of NFT projects he's a part of And VFriends Yeah yeah VFriends Look up the clip of him talking about V friends It'll just speak for itself That's not NFTs a trading card

It's not digital They might have digital suits But they also have physical trading cards I think Might be hard to find He made his own Pokemon cards And it's called V-Friends. Dude, way back when the pod started, you were like,

I think you said it on the pod as well. There's footage of this. But you were like, you were like gripping your fist that you didn't get in on NFTs. You were like, God damn it. Everyone's making so much fucking money.

I could have been. It was really funny. I'll find it on. And I remember being like, yeah, I guess. It is crazy right now. I got in now.

You got in now. So you're in on NFTs now. Yeah, I got it now, bro. Okay. what do you got? Now it's fucking early, by the way. All right. What do I got?

What do I not have, bro? I bought Aiden's shit. You bought his apartment off? I snapped it up. Okay. He's probably still a bargain big price too. Penny's on the dollar. All right.

Penny's on the fucking dollar, bro. And I just been buying like various art that I like because that's what I found out NFTs to really be about is like buy some shit you like. So I've been buying Logan Paul originals. Oh, yeah. I bought 87. Yeah. Zipper, if you can pull up Logan Paul originals.

87. I know you're not doing much right now. You're not looking up other shit. I'm gonna find this. You need to see it. But yeah, I've just been snapping shit up, bro, because the market's young right now. That's cool. That's cool. That's cool. That's 87 right though. No, Logan Paul, original's 87. Wow.

There's also that one picture. Photo, photo, photo. Where he appears, uh, pregnant? Fuck, they don't have 87 on here. But these are his originals. That's an NFT. 21 Mr. Beast's first sip? So they're Polaroids that are NFTs This is this is dope, bro Yeah

So this is the type of shit bro It's like buy shit you like Yeah And then if it doesn't make money Guess what you still won You still won because you possess Something that is meaningful to you That's fucking dope

That's fucking dope bro That's fucking dope He's straight up paying to have this Remove from the internet I swear to God It was like the biggest clip on Twitter 87 87 people like memories I guess

Dude I forgot about these Is that a defender? So I got it got that bro. Wow. That was only like fucking, yeah, that was like 25th. That was only 25th. And that's like at that point, bro, you think that's a lot, but like

25 east's not even that bad. It's like what, $70,000? But yeah, but like you gotta think of the value of it going up. Like you're gonna be able to buy a house one day. Yeah. But it's not about that. No, but it's not about that. But like you could. It's about love it. Yeah, you could. But it's about love it. It's about love it first.

Dude, I fucking damn it. I'm gonna I'll come back to reality. I'll sell my whole Pokemon. Are you? You are too? I cataloged it. I think my Pokemon collection's worth like roughly 40K. And I'm selling it. What do you put in? I don't, I couldn't even tell you. More than 40K. You put in more. It's definitely

more, but I couldn't tell you the number. And it's also like, whatever. Anyway, I'm fucking, I have 40K of cards. I just have them. And I'm selling them for Fast 53 for charity. I'm auctioning. Oh, cool. But I finally cataloged all. So we're doing Fast 53.

Let me ask you something. Yeah. Jit. Yeah. Why didn't you do the hot dog mile for streamer games? Why don't you have good ideas anymore? Well, the hot dog mile is... Or the hot dog 100.

The Hot Dog 100 wouldn't have been a bad idea. It's just like... It's what? I wanted a straight 100. And I didn't want a straight 100 and a hot dog 100. That is the correct answer, isn't it? Yeah. It's like, because you kind of have to do one or the other.

And then there's like a level of torture you can. Can't make him do. What about this? It's a hot dog 100 relay. You have an eater and you have your runner. Oh, that's fun. That's not bad. I actually like that.

And I got there in five seconds. I like that. So next year we do this. The hot dog four, the hot dog two by 400 and you eat a hot dog. Your guy runs. He comes back.

You have to eat another hot dog. He runs again. I like this. Comes back. Uh-oh. What now? What now? Third hot dog.

Add it to field day, bro. He runs again, bro. Add to field day. It's coming up. Field day is coming up, bro. If field day is going to get rained out. What? No.

In there. States are saying field day is going to get rained out. I can't believe you don't fucking know about that. Weather on Labor Day. There's an El Nino coming, bro. Yeah, there's a big storm. I don't care who's little cousins coming, bro. It's going to be lit.

We're fine. Clear fucking skies, bro. That's fucking today, bro. Maybe that's today. Hey, dog. We fucking blur that out. Maybe we blur that out. Isn't it next Monday?

It's next week, yeah. Yeah, bro. Oh, it says it. 30% chance of precip. Yeah, it means good. It makes it all muddy and gross, and we all fucking kiss. Uh, yeah, there's something been weird in L.A. with that El Niño.

Zippa 2 asked me to be the ref for, um, for the new field day because she knows that she needed order and she knows that I would be the only one to lay it down. Smart to have a ref. Yeah. We needed it bad last year. Well, do you know why they needed it last year? Oh my God, don't even start with me, bro. It's, by that point, by this point, it's legendary.

You, like, you bro, you're the reason they need a ref. You're a fucking problem, child. Dude, even when I don't say anything, and I'm like this, you've never not said anything. Doing this is saying. No, no, I'm like, go ahead. This is this a great game. It's working great. They're all murmuring.

They're all like, why is this the rule? Really? It's like, you can get a run-up start for the jump. The thing is, bro, you let the murmur. I let them murmur. No, you don't. I'm saying even when I let them murmur, then Field Day master, my beautiful girlfriend,

is she's like, well, should we change it? Should we run it again? She's indecisive and cowardly, I know. We need someone to come in and say, fear not, lady, because I have the rule. I will be the hand of the queen. Here's the rule.

Here's the fear not. And then the people, and then the people, they come to me in secret. And they go, thank you. You act like the hand of the king, swapping the king's decision is a good thing. Is it better to swap the king's decision as something you think is better

or make the king's decision happen? The king is not making a decision. The king literally made a decision. The king is second guessing her decision. That's what I'm saying. So is it better to make the king's, what the king's will was go through or change a king's will

to what you think is best? And then you get to ask, who's truly the king? So in your world, we should just let Donald Trump make all the decisions because he's the king. Exactly correct

And that's why I voted for him He uploaded an AI video of a bunch of ducks In military uniforms Marching with his haircut Dude it was crazy Sounds really cool He's just He's just sitting getting his brain

Fucking fried on AI All day and being like Yeah Send it And everyone's just waiting for him to die There's no way he gets approval There it is There's no way he gets approval over the

that on true social it is there's no approval those are geese they're geese my bad it's all right just want to fucking straight set the record straight they're in Vancouver I think it's so-fi stadium back there look then

isn't this unbelievable it's pretty crazy oh Lake America yeah oh that makes sense I mean I won't lie it's probably fucking pretty awesome to be like 80 years old and then an intern just shows you this video and you're like yeah that rules

like you made this rip it I don't know how You made this for a movie? Did you make a movie about me as a Cootsar film? Did you get DreamWorks on this? Dude, that, I watched that Dextero interview with you.

Yeah. There was something interesting happening with you. What's going on with you in that video? It's going on. It's so interesting. You're like... I didn't watch it. You should watch what he said about it.

Dude. It's so... You like, normally on camera, you sort of put it on a little bit. You're like Ludwig from video games on camera. Yeah. In this interview, there was this energy to you.

You were like the most real, honest version of you have ever seen on camera. But also you like almost thought they were bad questions or something. Like you almost thought it was stupid. You were sitting there kind of when I answer questions. Dude, when the interviewer, my favorite part of the whole clip is when the interviewer is like, is there anyone, any other streamer that you're jealous of? And you're like, well, it's, you're not asking the right question. It's not jealousy.

Jealousy is when you are afraid of losing something. Envy is when you want. something that someone else has. So if I'm envious of someone, sorry. And I'm like, oh my God. Yeah, tell him. If that was me asking the question, I'd be like, kill yourself. If you knew what I meant, then just answer the question. Well, how about we fucking work on our language for the future, bro? Dude, I actually did feel it was profound. I did think you said a profound thing. You said it in a way that was like surprisingly dickish. He was scolding them. You were scolding them for a bad question. There's probably two reasons why I was acting that way. One, it was Dexterito.

Yeah. All right. Hasn't been kind in the past. I don't have a lot of fucking love for them. But you said yes to the interview. I did say yes to the interview. But I said, I'm going to do it.

Because first off, they're fucking, I was low-key trying to blow it off. Okay. Because they were like, we have an interview spot. You can't, okay.

I love the interview. My favorite interview you've ever done. You can tell that you wanted to blow it off the whole time. I was like, I was like, pick any three-digit number right now. 734.

Go to seven minutes and 34 seconds. You will not be smiling. I promise. Zippa? You will not be smiling. Seven minutes, 34 seconds, Lodick Dix Sardo interview.

But anyway, I try to blow it off like five hundred times. I like, oh, there it is. Not smile. Look in your furrowed brow. Pick any time stamp.

So I try to blow it off like five times and they're very pushy. And eventually I fucking did it. But I was like, I'm going to do it my way. Look how honest he's being. And then, and then I also,

just by nature of the way these Mr. B shoots go, there's like 50 streamers, right? Uh-huh. usually my energy will fill the room with what I think the room requires. And the room doesn't require a guy who's all excited and fucking

hamming it up on camera. Yeah. It requires someone who's fucking being real. I do. I loved it. After the Tommy In It podcast and then this, I was like, we're in Ludwig's fucking real era, bro. I'm real, bro. And he's making sure everyone fucking knows it. I like it.

I'm really, but at the same time, he will fly to Berlin and get every single one of his holds filled like concrete. You got it. You got it. You turn out every once in a while. You get the lights on it. And for Archie Bleak this. Whoa. I'll do it, bro. I'm Kevin Hart.

Is that was... And we're doing Jumanji 7 this year. Is that... Is the trip paid for and then it's that much money? Yeah, yeah. Damn. That's just gravy. Damn.

That's just gravy. That's just gravy. Uh, but yeah. And all it took was you wearing a collar like Sasha Gray and licking the rim in the in the stall. the Samsung glory hole I had to that's what they asked to me

and it was all filmed on my S26 Ultra What is your best outro That's how we outroed Look at, dude he's doing white guys Like politely says high At the airport face

Probably say goodbye forever What is the How many views this have? Probably a lot bro Is that view thing Yeah, it's great Is that I think that view thing Is definitely hitting

On YouTube The change they did Uh maybe I think it's... I mean, I don't think the numbers are like crazy different, but maybe they're like 10% different. I think they're going up,

which is interesting. I think it like is not crazy noticeable. It's not like someone went from fucking no views to a bunch of views, but maybe like your views are a little bit higher, but it doesn't change your revenue.

Oh, right. They were just jealous, bro. They were jealous of... Other platforms? They're just jealous of other platforms having fucking 13. billion views because someone scrolled by it on their algorithm for points of seconds. They're not the only video platform in the world anymore.

No, no, there is some competition. Dude, you know what I did the other day? I went on Facebook. Me too. What happened? I don't know. I just went on it for some reason. What do we all do?

For wedding invites, I had to reach out to some people I only have on Facebook. I needed someone's birthday. Oh. So it's the only place. It's literally the, it's crazy. It's the only place to find that out. It's so crazy. If you need to know someone's birthday right now, what would you do besides, like, the

The other option is you deep dive their account and you hope someone told them happy birthday at some point or they said it's my birthday today and you find that tweet. But Facebook is like the only resource besides sometimes they attach it to their iPhone contact. Do you? Most people do not.

It's such a weird little place. Do you remember family guy girl? Do I remember family? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the girl that you were talking to. Dude, I went on Facebook. She's the only one under 40 posting and she's posting

fucking Thirst Traps on Facebook. And I'm like, I didn't know this was for that. Hey, if there's fish in the water, the horses will play. Dude, last guy she let get away, bro. There's fish. Yeah, she must be devastated.

Yeah, the last guy she let get away, bro. He's the fucking most famous fucking streamer in the world. If there's fish in the fucking water. The horses will play. Dude, I have tennis elbow, by the way. What is that? If I try to do a pole up, I have excruciating pain. Yeah, it's tough, I guess, for you.

But how do you get it? I don't know. Usually you get it from a, like a sport that requires abnormal movement. I don't fucking know, bro. Maybe it was Aden. I think I got it from Dodgeball growing up, but I don't know what we. Really? And it just sort of manifested.

Bro, I used to be so good. At Dodgeball? Yes. Dude, I love Dodgeball. I was so good at Dodgeball, a sophomore, when I'm a freshman, freaking started hooking up with me. We surely have talked about this already. Wait, what?

I was so good at Dodgeball as a freshman, a sophomore, I thought you said the opposite, and I was like, that is fine, but it's weird to say. we surely talked about it but I was on a dodgeball team at school I don't think we did We had annual dodgeball At our school every year

To hurt you later And every year we would form a team And we'd compete in the dodgeball tournament I have a fun thing I showed you the photo Wow well guys This is a good time to announce We're opening up the yard dodgeball National League

Yes It's gonna be all over the country Also the yard wildlife boys Survival Guide Yes that's right We're going to make a declassified survival guide, not for school, but for actually living. For boys. Trying to make fire.

Only boys. It's a very gendered experience. Guys. And then there's the girl's rabid kill-off. Oh, they'd be so bad at it. You need to learn how to kill to be able to learn how to love. And then don't forget Nick's scavenger hunt will be on the Patreon.

It is a 70-hour vaude, and that's part one of 10. We ran out a card. So when you watch it, just understand this nine more parts. We just have to upload it. It takes so long to upload. Yeah, we need like industrial internet to be using the cables under the sea. It feels like I would specifically be good at this. That's why it's so weird to me. So all these awesome events are coming to a screen near you. You stay tuned and we'll see you on

the bonus where Ludwig will be gone. I'll admit it. And Aiden will be back. Yuck. Yuck.