The Yard - Ep. 269 - Ranking Every Fast Food Fries

Episode Date: September 23, 2026

This week, two entrepreneurs take a lamborghini around Los Angeles.. and review fries from every fast food chain! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to a very special episode of the yard. Two of our members are going to be gone this week, and what the monkeys call business, the horses call play. Here's the thing. We're a jack-in-the-box. We're ordering our first set of fries. We're going to try every fry available to us in beautiful sunny Los Angeles. I would like to impose a bit of a rating system. What is happening?

And also, we got a Lamborghini. We can't fit? Please, please don't. You're hitting the curb, Rich. Richard? Richard. Richard, you're hitting the curb. You're using the Lamborghini on the car.

And I will, we will swiftly fire you. We will flog you. We will flog you. We will tar you. So if you guys don't know, Rich is our producer and he's driving the Lamborghini, which apparently is an awful idea. We were gonna eat you driving gloves.

We were gonna deck you out. We were gonna make you look like in the SpongeBob band. And all you fucking weirdos on Reddit that does not mean Rich's zipper, you stupid fucking bitch. Jesus, fuck. Producer, they don't know what the word means. They don't know what anything means.

Okay, hold on. I'm getting ahead. It's creepy. Let me just hold the staff. You don't want to break anything in this Lamborghini do you? Could I please just... Because I'll break everything in this Lamborghini. I'll have my time with it. I will break everything in here.

I will get the staff from you. I would like to impose a bit of a rating system on this, I don't know, exploratory, our findings, if you will. First of all, I would like to say the tier list order. We have four tiers. Archie can put all this on screen graphically. We have four, and if you're an audio listener, you can imagine. We have first the goaded tier. That's just exactly what it sounds like.

Then we have high variance. That is tier two. You might think that would be a lower tier. But the purpose of high variance is to cover what I kind of expect to be like an in and out fry, which is like sometimes they're peak, sometimes they're trash. I know people in the comments who aren't from California are like they're always trash. Kill yourselves. Don't care.

The third tier that we go into, what was it again? It was a sauce shovel. Sauce shovels. These are fries that, do not have enough merit under their own volition. They're edible, but really they are a way to get sauces into your mouth, your ranches, your ketchup, your Chipotle seasonings.

And then the last tier is inedible. These are fries that after eating one, I don't want another, even if I'm kind of hungry, they're just kind of gross. Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of, I do think there will be a nice curve in the middle tiers, the two middle tiers here, because to be a goaded fries,

is to be something that's just celebrating. and amazing and to be inedible is like the bar for a fry is pretty low let's I mean let's be honest but sometimes you get a fry and you're like fuck me yuck and sometimes hiverians can get involved here one time I had McDonald's fries that were so salty I threw up like immediately I threw up after eating them they were too salty we've all had so we've all had so many different french fry adventures I'm so excited to embark on this journey with you I suggested you go to BJs because I love their fries and you scoffed me.

Do not get me started. I will break everything in this Lamborghini, especially Rich's fingers. I have to pay for all this. Do you have a yard card? It's insert only. Dude, this is, I am, I'm furious. Richard, do not touch the camera. Jesus Christ, Richard.

I'm going to flog the shit. We are going to flog you. That's the thing. I don't care that we're in a Lamborghini. You're going to be flogged. Just use my phone. No, you can try it. I'll just use my phone.

I'll just use my phone! Can I please just impose my system? I haven't gotten to my system. Okay, we need to talk about a couple things. Let's, for one, let's talk about this immediate situation that we're dealing with now. Jack in the Box has two different types of fries. They have curly and they have regular. That's right.

We decided that if they offer two different types of fries that are naked fries, we will get them both and we will judge them accordingly. How do we determine what naked means, slime the entrepreneur? That's a great question. from another entrepreneur to another is that, let's say something like animal fries or something like cheesy cheese fries. I would consider these a different field of their own and I would consider them a meal. They're a meal. They're a meal. You are covering your fries with with findings. And this is not while this is actually a video of findings. It is not a video about findings,

if that makes sense. It's not a video about findings, but it's a video about findings. Any ketchup? No, thank you. No, thank you. Any ketchup. And he can't what I look like. Here we are. Here we are with our first French fry on the list, Starbucks, not Starbucks, Jack in the box, how did I fuck that up? Hold on.

Before you touch one, I know you are literally salivating. I can, I can just, you are salivating. That is insane. I'm hungry. I shouldn't get, why did I get large? Why didn't get large? We're gonna eat so many fucking French fries. Something, something I want to do as well is I want to put them all in a giant bag at the end of the day.

Maybe it can be this stuff. And we have the poop in the bag. The dredge heap. First of all, actually, before the system, I want to say, I want to say, when I was a kid and I was in elementary school, my mom used to feed me all the time by taking me to Jack in the Box, and I would order the chicken fajita pita, and I would get curly fries, and I'd probably get a Dr. Pepper slime.

And I am... Your mom fed you, Dr. Pett? That's where you're all fucked up. My mom fed me fucking Dr. Pep. So this is the, this is a curly fry. This is a weird choice to shit. These are the ones that you would put in your nose and you actually get a nose ring. Who knows that?

You'd be the toughest with a septum piercing. Did curly fries fall off? I'd like you to... This is common. What do you mean? We don't have any curly cues. Do you know what I'm talking about? When you get a spring?

I love a spring. You gotta get... Usually it has a spring in it. And there's no spring. My system. Jesus Christ, my system. I've created a system called SMS. And this is a way to understand and interpret a fry. Okay.

So first the S is... is salt content, right? Because if you do not salt a fry, it does not taste good. I'd like to make that claim. If it's unsalted, it tastes good. If it's over-salted, you throw up. You throw up. I threw up once. And if you eat an unsalted or a fully salted fry, you throw up once. But the second in the SMS, M, mouth play. Every fry has a particular and different mouth play. Okay. Do you understand? Yes. And it's funny. I like, I love. love you saying this because you brought up the spring of the curly queue the curly cue. The curly cue. I love a curly cue in my mouth. It's so bouncing.

And you bounce it in your fingers and you bite it. Where do you bite the curly cue, the spring? I bite it as if I'm a beaver biting into a log. She like like a hamburger. Yes, yes, bro. And the third in SMS is survivability. This is a fry's propensity to survive in the bag, survive over time, be something that you think will still be good in a few seconds in a few hours. Because if you get a fry, survivability also covers variance. So survivability also covers things like, hold on. I just took a fry out of the bag and it was delicious.

Then I took another fry out of the bag and it was like crunchy and bad and like burnt. Like what is the consistency of these fries? How do you measure this? Oh my. What an idiotic thing that I'm not going to be here for hours. You cover the entrepreneurship. I will cover survivability because I have a, I have a sense for these things. I do have a business acumen.

But we are. This is if we take this long on every fry, this is going to take forever. This is more of explainer system. Let's just take out the double the large fries. What the fuck did you do, man? I don't know, I shouldn't be on large. I should get small from now on. A few curly, a few curleys have gotten into it.

I do love this. I do love a cross-contination. They're starting to play. They're starting to play. When they play. When they play. Okay, I'm gonna try a curly. No, we should try the same fry.

Yeah, of course we should. Okay. Now this is a fresh. One bite. Jack in the box, fry. I mean, it's kind of what you, I guess expect when you think french fry. There, can I, can I be vulnerable.

You can't. You can't. You absolutely can. It's a little dirt to it. There's a little dirt to it. Do you taste the dirt to it? I think it tastes like the box it came in a little bit. Maybe that's the dirt. I don't like how he's looking at me for one. He won't fuck.

There's something mute about these fries. And it's not lack of salt, has enough salt. There is something missing, vacant in the jack-in-the-box fry they're they are perfectly salty i'll say they have quite a good amount of salt even you could dare even say slightly too much i'd like to move on to curly fries i want to see i want to contrast and i want to taste it you want to curlicus no i don't i can't see i don't see it i don't see it let's just look for a spring roll let's look for a dump it dump it in there dump it in the bag this this Lamborghini is gonna it's gonna stink in the lambo

I just want like your mom after this. The chatter, not yours. That would be inappropriate. He's dead. Not a single spring. And see, this is the thing about high variance, right? Our curly fries all inherently high variance. I think so.

I do think so. And here you go. Well, this is not really the, I give you kind of a weak fry. It's what it is. All right, let's do it. When I was a kid. You know what, man? A classic taste.

When I was a kid, I would fucking, I would slime out a kid on the playground for just one more of these in the bag. I would crack it. I would crack the teacher's head like a water bomb if I could do it. When you finish the container of fries and you look for a bag fry and you find one, and you can touch it and you're like, it's still warm. The heart is still beating on this one. And I'll say this about Jack in the Box. They're, I think they've had decades to refine their craft of the curly fries.

These are unbelievable. I think they're great. We are unbelievable. And maybe, and I'm willing to accept this, maybe I'm a slut. Maybe I'm a dirty little slut for curly fries. Maybe that's true. And maybe this is mid for curly fries. But, God damn it, I love them.

These are sauce chubbles, bro. These are sauce chubbles. Let me have one. They're sauce chubbles. There's just no way they're soft shovels. Because, like, the high variance here implies that there is a ceiling that they are not reaching. So I can close your eyes. Imagine yourself.

You're sitting at the lunch tables. Well, no, you type of guy you were in school. You're sitting maybe on the ground because you don't have access to a lunch table. You're not popular enough. And one of your homies who can drive, the only homie you have who can drive, pulls up to lunchtime. He left campus for lunchtime and he comes back and he's got some jack-in-the-box fries. Not curly, just straight. And he pulls one out and he's about to put in his mouth and you go, dude, please, could I have a French fry? He's like, you know what, man,

you let me copy your homework last week. That was really cool. Here's a French fry. He handed to you, place it on your tongue. You chew it. You play. You let it play. Is that a sauce show? Tell me it's a sauce song. Yes. Wow. Yes, bro. You lick sniss. I don't lick SNIS. You lick SNAS. I would never lick SNES! I think these are, I think the just ass shovels.

You know, we can, we can meet in the middle. These are fine French fries. I don't like fine. Guys, we're in Taco Bell and we're going to be getting the nacho fries. Okay. And I know what you're thinking about nach fries. You're thinking, isn't that a meal based on the system that we've created? The nach cheese is served on the side in a container, a tincture.

And the fries themselves are our, are committed. are completely separated. So I'll tell you this, it's an extremely important distinction, and that distinction is enough to put Taco Bell in this running. We had to put Taco Bell in the running. Because if the nacho fries came with the sauce embedded onto them, we wouldn't be here in this drive-through. And that's on Deeriot.

Hi, could I just get one order of the nacho fries? One medium diet Baja blast. That's for me. Can I get a small? Can I get a small. And actually, two medium diet Baja blasts. Why would you make my immediate? Why are you making everything so big?

Did you donate money? Okay, thank you. Okay, don't upgrade me from us. We're in a Lamborghini. Don't upgrade. What do you want from me? Don't upgrade me from a small to a medium. You know what crazy it would look like if we're in a Lamborghini and I said no?

Don't round me up, actually. Don't wrap me up. You upgrade me from a small to a medium thing. We hit Rich earlier this morning. We hit him. Yeah, we beat the shit out of Rich. We slimed in the fuck. out and then we started calling him Richard and we said that's your name now.

That's your name. That's your name. And we didn't get you your driving gloves because you did so wrong. I can't believe saw shovel. Is that our final verdict? What do we do if we disagree? We can put it to an RPS. I mean, high variance.

High variance is a weird category man because now I'm thinking maybe we need to rethink it because now I'm thinking in and out and drag in the box in the same category. Like you know, it's high variance. It's high variance. But the variance is the pain of the fry. This is what everyday Americans deal with, the pain of a high variance fry. That's why it's important to distinguish.

That is just so scary to me, slime. You're scaring me. I don't mean to scare you, but I'm going to wake up to you. Hey, hey, what is he doing? What's that guy doing? You can't see him, but he just went up. He walked up to the window and handed the guy a tincture. That guy in a gorilla's t-shirt handed that man a tincture.

We may be in for a poisoning. Entrepreneur. Dude, we saw a guy mewing at us. We said, don't mute it a billionaire. Don't mute a billionaire. We are fucking billionaires. We are geniuses in the Lamborghini. Sorry I'm a genius billionaire. You're not allowed to mute.

Stop closing the cup holder. Shut the fuck up. I'm sorry about my friend. Thank you so much, bro. Don't yell- Don't yell swears. You're embarrassing me. You're embarrassing me in front of people. You can't even hear you anymore.

I don't care because I'm a billionaire entrepreneur and so are you. And we need to treat each other like so. These are words for rich. Okay? Dude, thank God you said something on the front of getting a Baja blast because you know I wanted one so bad. Diet? You filthy bitch. No, it's really good. Really? I'm... Have you never had one? I have not. It tastes the same They fucking they they did crazy. There is an alchemic reaction that we will eventually pay for

But for now enjoy it. Richard, please do not hit this lady with the umbrella and the Trader Joe's bag Richard maybe you can do what you want you're in a Lambo fly. May I say I am one very excited about the nacho fries really? Yeah, I'd like to crack one right now. I'd like to give it a play we can crack it and I'd like That place is just called game time. That place is called Triggeromics. I don't know anything it's going. Diana's furniture. Have you ever been to a psychic? We just passed one.

Never, but I heard their fronts for selling drugs. No. I thought there's so many. Whoa. Think about it. What if the drug is understanding your future and I'm addicted? No, it's like real drugs, like Benzos. Oh, okay.

Fair enough. All right, Taco Bell, Diaba, Blas. Isn't it amazing? Here's the thing. This isn't a French fry. I don't want to get confused for a French fry. But it- Look at the gradient.

It hits like absolute, it's green by the way. It hits like absolute fucking crack. It is just delicious. Give me a nach fry. I will. So, let's take a look at these guys. They're thick and they're heavy. And guys, we got a straggler.

Uh-oh. That looks delicious. It does look delicious. Dude, okay, I'm gonna take one. Dude, it's neon orange. Nach fry. Now, obviously we're not using the cheese. We can observe the cheese.

We can observe the cheese. We will not be playing with the cheese. And now we take a bite. Oh, my. Oh, my goodness. Oh, goodness me. Slime. Rich.

Richard, please try one. So Rich, so Rich is vegan. And we were talking on the way where you're driving and shit. And he's like, dude, Jack in the Box, he's been vegan for a long time. He's like, Jack in the Box tacos, the meat was so low quality that it was technically vegan. That's so disgusting. And I was like, that is crazy. These are great, man.

These are unbelievable. They're really, really, really good. And you remember when we went to the movie theater to try the nachos? Yeah. And we put a hot Cheeto in this. Yeah. This isn't hot. But I feel like putting this in the nachos, this is a lethal combination of flavors.

What if we allowed them to play just for the, we don't consider it in our rating? What if we first rate it? We need to rank it before. We rate it and then it gets locked. And then we just, we just, we attempt to play a little just so we can see what it's like. I think these are amazing. You know what I feel about nach cheese. man. I know, I know, I know, I know. And I would never withhold this from you. We're

entrepreneurs. We'll have to share our ideas with Claude now and we're both... Claude knows many of our ideas. And we're utilizing it in strive. We're creating all sorts of LLM algorithm type things. I think they're goaded. I think they're goaded. This is amazing. I'm sorry, these are fucking goaded. These are amazing. Where did we settle on Jack in the box? Because I feel like we didn't really... We didn't settle. We said we could meet in the middle. Or do we want... This is what I'll say. We either have to create a new category that is between high variance and saw shovel or

they need to be in high variance I don't know what to do I don't know what to do high variance is a good category It's just not satisfying for the YouTube like high variance is a perfect C tier actually we need a we need one above high variance okay so between high variance and goaded

We have Almost there That sounds the meaning It says it's fucking A This is A tier Yeah but Jack in the Box is not we're not putting Jack in the Box in A tier I will break this

We're putting it in high variance in this new world. You understand? What even goes in A if it's not a goat? Like, I guess maybe... You know, it's High Varians. So, that's the one that's on our minds. I developed this system for us, entrepreneurs. But they're so...

Here's the thing about the jack-in-the-box fry. They're crispy. They're not soggy. A sauce shovel is like... They're literally sauce shovels, bro. What they're for? I'm eating a jack-in-the-box fry. They're handling their business,

but they're for sauce. Be honest with yourself. In the Lambo. Saw shovel. Saus shovel. Thank you. Now please. To the main event.

No, please to the main event. No, okay, we can try this. We try the noxia cheese. Now, question for you. If the guy we were renting this Lamborghini truck saw what the fuck was happening in it, he would be, one, he'd kill us. Yeah, Rich said it was like this 18-year-old Russian kid or something,

which is kind of funny. This doesn't count. This is for fun. These do not need to play. Surprisingly, this isn't as good as I thought it would be. No, these do not need to play. These, these actually, the fries are better on their own. Fries are better on their own.

Wow. Interesting that nacho cheese actually took away aura. That isn't, that is a very... It's like minus on hit. You know what I mean? And I'm a guy who knows a thing or two about nachos, the traditional style. I'm gonna have one more of these and I'm dumb it in the bag, but I'm gonna have... What a pleasure. I'm gonna have one more.

What a true pleasure. Now, after this debate and after this entrepreneurial meeting of the minds that we had, are we keeping the tierless as this? Yes. No, yes. Yes? No. No.

Because the leap from high variance to goaded, what we are looking for in fries is consistency. The tier would be great, right? Which is not a fun word. No, it's not. The tier would be great. Which I think there is a value in this fry, you can count on it. And these fries, sometimes you can count on them. And these fries are for sauce.

And these fries, you can't count. Let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, goaded. Good goons High variance Saw shovels Inedible Okay Okay

These are like These are like Fill up on the frat Okay you have a frog I'm gonna have one more How many did you grab Dude these are goaded It's so wonderful bro

They just did it These are unbelievably good job Guys, if this is the worst episode we ever do, just fucking drop a like anyway. Drop a like for us, bro. Please, man. Drop a like to support, bro. What do you want us to do? Sit in that fucking room all day alone, just us two talking about fucking whatever.

I don't know what happens on LSF or jacking off and fucking playing with each other's nuts and stuff. No, man, we got to do something. We got to explore. We're in a Lambo, bro. Killy. Wopper, Wopper. Oh, God. Oh, God, the Nacho fries.

Is it like jungle bogey? They're sieging. The one where it says, I show speeds. full address and IP. You've seen that one? Where it's like wopper, wopper, chicken, wopper you live at 1,256 Elm Lane and your IP address is it's pretty good. I got a problem. What about chicken fries? What about chicken fries? Chicken fries, cold beer on a Friday night. Dude, do you get, you have to order them. Yeah, we have to order them. I don't know if I don't know what onion rings. They're

not fried, never mind. It doesn't matter. The onion rings are not fries. Hello? What is happening? It's making like a scary video game sound. Yeah. Like, It's making a silent hill. It's making the sound that like Ghost Hunter's devices is making in the TV shows. It's like creaking like a Geiger counter. Hello? Oh.

Yeah, sorry. Okay. Can I just get a small fries? The chicken fries is a small chicken fries. Thank you. This is going to be a very controversial moment of the episode. is that the fry guys implied that chicken fries are as valid as the eyes that you that I spies with my little fucking guys richard throw on some logic i need to think no that's okay no sauce man

no sauce it's a misunderstanding of what we're here to do and yes thank you yes it's a Lamborghini, sir. Yes, we're in a Lamborghini. Uris. It's like we're inside a big mountain dude. We've already put fries on the floor. Rich is Chick-fil-A on your list? Take a picture of the fries. Do you want me to strike you? Richard, please present your face for me.

Guys, we're a Bird King. Chick-fellie should be on the list. All right, let's get going, bro. All right, so. Please don't start with the chicken fries. Of course not. Come on. So, something about Burger King fries. Now, Burger King, in his The historic day of my life has been the grossest shit in the world. I hate Burger King. I've never liked it. I've thrown up after eating it as a kid.

I shut up. And we've had a Burger King in our town and it was really miserable, man. It was bad goons. Now, these fries are thicker. They're trying to establish themselves as fries guys. We get a little thick. Go ahead, sorry. I mean, tease you.

I was being teased. Sometimes you tease your business partner. And the good thing about having the diet baha blast. Now here's the thing. If you smell them, they actually do not smell like food. This is very interesting. This smells like a building. Why does it smell like that?

That is a great description. It smells like a building. Please pass to Richard. Richard, please smell the fry. It smells like a building. He likes the crunch. Now, Rich, it smells like paint. I'll give Rich some contact.

Like being a vegan guy, your options are limited for especially fast food and shit, right? So you end up eating a lot of fries. Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, BK. At BK. No, bro, no, no. My mouth, you will play.

Um, I don't know, man. I don't know how I feel about this. I think there was it, there was initial, there was initial bite, initial crunch, like Richard said. But now, there's an aftertaste. They're so interesting. It's like a shoe. My guess is that they are not fried in the oil

that the other, that the fries we've had previously are fried. They fry, like, I think fries are, they're, they're fried in peanut oil, uh, very commonly and also. Something about these fries and the way they look is why I showed you the camera. They look as if they've been in the bag a long time. And these are fresh out the oven. And I think that's really bad. These are good though.

No, dude. I think these are terrible. They, they do. I am, these are grotesque to me. I just took a bite of one. as you said, they're terrible. And I got like an instant flash of like an old creaking home. But I think that these took me somewhere that they came from, where they came from.

I bit into one of these and then I had memories flashback of having a doll soft and worn. That I never remembered before. I don't know if I've ever had a bird. Did we get swiped? Rich. Oh, is a seatbelt. Oh, I thought we got a side swiping. Oh, Rich.

You bastard. Richard. I would have struck you. Richard is fucking focused. God damn it! These are getting hard carried by the fact that they are really, they're really nicely crunchy. Like that one was too salty.

They have a great mouth play. I'd reckon to say that their survivability is medium at best. I feel like they're deteriorating in my hands as we talk. But their salt content's also good. They hit the SMS. No, I think it's too much. I had one that was crazy salty. But the problem, SMS is not accounting for the fact that they smell

and taste like an old house. I implore you, if you're bored and you have some bread, go to Burger King and get the fries and just smell what they're like. Just take a sniff and throw them away, man. You would be shocked at how hard it is to describe. It smells like school. I think that these must be placed into high variants, bro. I don't think that...

Now that we have good gooms. But I like, I kind of... Do I like them? I don't like them. I would finish them. I don't even like them. And I've never, and variance accounts for time. I've never had fries from burghers.

Burger King that I have, like, thought about. Wow. So these can only be ketchup shovels, sauce shovels, at best. But these are better than the Jack in the Box straight fries. They just taste like a house. I don't think they are. This is so interesting. I just don't think they are.

We have two different... You know what? I fought really hard for Jack in the Box to be where they are. You can take this one, but I won it on the record. I'm going to say they are... Oh, my God, though, but now I'm back on, like, in and out prize being high variance. It is, we really did kind of build the tier list around them.

Because we have to. I'm the most talked about prize. No, I'm stooping down to your level. I'm stooping down to your level. These are soft shovels. I hate to say it. But I'm really just thinking it. I'm thinking about like,

give it to you. I would eat the rest of these. The way that these are trying to encroach on my heart and my brain, it's a cheap path. It is a, let us just hide. the fact that inside of them is an old creaking home. By on the outside, painting on a fried, salty exterior that hot, that attempts to hide. You bite it and you hear just a laughter of old lamb.

So I will give you saw shovel, but the very top, the very, very top of saw shovel. Because they're just, they're using the cheat codes to their advantage. They are really well salted. Whoa. So, guys, this is not. This isn't part of the challenge. The Keepers' Surprise. Okay.

It's the Keeper's Surprise. They have included a few stray fries in the chicken fry bag. Look what they did. Now, as a past connoisseur of the Burger King, someone used to go a lot as a kid. I have had a lot of chicken fries. Can I age myself here or date myself? I remember when these came out.

Wow. Do you remember when they came out or were you two young and a jet? I don't know if I could walk or speak or think yet. It came out post 9-11. I'm going to say start in 2005, something like that. There was a guy I worked with that Land Rover. His name was Justin. A bat of crude oil spilled over a farm.

The chickens just emerged. He merged his fries. Justin got chicken fries most days. Wow. And he was a little fucked up for it. Yeah. I think it changed his DNA strands. Well, helix is.

So we used to go to a melee tournament, a melee weekly called The Balcony. It's actually how I kind of, in a roundabout way, like met all my friends that I would eventually. I met Ludwig at a tournament called the Bigger Balch, which was thrown by the balcony at my college. And they famously decorated their home with boxes of chicken fries. Really? To and fro, they stapled them to the walls of that decrepit. Honestly, that house was probably where the smell of the Burger King fries came from. They had a cat.

They had the chicken fries. They had a cat named Naruto and it was like a 40 pound cat. It was a 40 pound cat that smelled like weed. It was crazy. Like why does your cat smell like weed? That cat was like, it was like a pug. They're shorter than I remember. Look at that.

It looks like a mozzarella stick. It does. It's got bounced to it. Not the smell I expect at all. It smells like the fries, bro. It smells like a fish. No, it doesn't. You're putting things in your mind.

It smells like the fries, bro. All right, well. One bite, you know the vibes. This is awful. Dude, these are. This is fucking terrible. This is like. Maybe we put chicken fries on there just to have something in the lowest tier.

These are going on in edible. These are disgusting. These are the worst. You know when like your vegan homie comes to town and he's like, dude, I can't wait to go to like Big Joe's vegan truck and get these awesome tofu fries? I've heard they're the best. And this is always what it is. It's like, dude, just eat fucking normal food. The spice is coating.

It's definitely playing despite, but it's a one-way play. You know how kids parallel play? Look at how they try to entice you. Look, there's fries in here too. They're like rubber. Dude, they're really gross. This is...

Dude, I remember eating as a kid and loving them. What happened? I had no love for Burger King in my heart. It's crazy to think that it still hasn't changed. Maybe I have like a cilantro gene for Burger King. Whoa. I'm willing to accept things like this. Maybe something is wrong with me.

But Jesus Christ. There's something about those chicken fries, man. They brought up bad memories. Yeah. I started being attacked by bad memories. I'm going to wash it down with a pallet cleanser. For the audio listeners, it's a DiBaha Blast. You know what?

Try a bag fry. Try a bag fry. Dude, we have to save some room. Just try a bag fry. Any difference? Oh, my God. Oh, no. Oh, my God.

Maybe it's terrible. Oh, wow. Wait, no, no. Before you eat a bag fry, take a big sip of Baja blast and then eat a bag fry. I'm not kidding so I'm not trying to be funny for the fucking thing we do. It is one of the most interesting tastes. I'm not finding what you're finding. You're not finding my finding?

I'm not finding what you're finding. It tasted like I licked the fucking shingles of a rooftop. I don't know what you're saying, bro. It tasted fucking crazy. I believe you. It just, I didn't find that. That is so disgusting, man. Okay, does this color your feeling on Burger King fries,

but the bag fry was this fucking fucked up and weird and scary? They're sauce shovels. They're guaranteed. They're not the top. Okay. That was disgusting what just happened to me. And it did happen to me. And what did I tell you?

This was, it's been like four minutes, bro. They deteriorated so quickly. The survivability is low. I knew something on the SMS scale must have been off. I just hadn't had enough time to decalibrate. The calibrate. Truly. So low survivability, high salt content.

And bad mouthplay. Because the mouthplay is reminding me of going to Grandma's house. Yeah. And making, and she made me fucking. Dress her. When you go to mean grandmas. I got a little mean grandma's house. She has no candy in her purse.

She makes me fucking get her undressed before fed. I got bathed her. Dude. Dude. My dad, okay, so he lived with his old German lady named Hella. And it was like, he lived in a two-bedroom apartment. I was his roommate. My dad was the kind of guy who had roommates in his middle age.

And I would stay with him in the summer. And Hela one time, she would get fucking crazy wine drunk. and she would she had dentures and one time she was arguing with my dad she was all drunk and she screamed and there was like a fun argument she yelled so loud her dentures flew out of her mouth onto the ground

imagine they flew out and they went into his mouth and he wore them and then he got the Shinigami eyes alright alright all right jolly bee wait I have to say really quick we have not been asking we have I made a rule we have to ask

if they have merch every time And if they have merch, we have to buy it. I don't think the places we've been have had merch, I think we've gotten lucky. Jollybee is where it made me think of it because they have an awesome logo. Please show the logo. Look at him. Isn't that cute? That's the Jollaby.

That's the Jolly Bee. And yes, your local Filipino friend, when you mentioned Jollybee, he's like, yeah, the spaghetti's awesome. It's Jollybee. It's Filipino food, okay? Yeah, they swear up and down. They'll come at you fast and heavy with a flat brimmed hat and they'll say, this is is the best food in the world. Zip. You need to try a chicken fry.

Have you had a chicken fry? Do you, it's like, okay, more than chicken fry. Unmoved. It's disgusting. He's like an iron fortress. It got, it got pressed out of the zipper,

like a, like a shredder. Yeah, it made the fax machine. His mouth is like Ludwig's mind. Mm. All right. So Jollybee, I'm going to be honest,

the only time I've ever interacted with this brand is when I do things like this. I have never been to a jolobie. You've grew up in Sokowl too. Yeah. Which is pretty crazy. I've had access to jolabe much less prevalent in my, for my understanding at Orange, in Orange County. Um, but I have never been to one. There's a, there's a small bag inside the bag. Bag inside the bag. There's a small bag inside the bag. And I want to point towards the uniformity. Oh, I don't like the shininess. There's a uniformity. I, I need it. I don't know if they're going to show on camera.

They're, they're, they're not hot. No. They're not hot. They're not hot. They're not hot. They're not hot. They're not hot. They're warm. There's too much sun. No, it's very shiny. There is a shininess to these. There is a... They glisten.

And I'm not looking... I don't think it's going to be great, but we're going to take a bite of the jolby French fried now. Oh. Home! There was a home in there! Do you taste it? There's a home in here.

You're talking about that old building smell that is also present in Burger King. Yes. I did smell it. It's subtle. I did smell it. It's subtle. It's subtle. I think we've just been changed by Burger King Fries.

I have a feeling that Rich loves these. I do too. And that's why we were taken here. He was, he was insisting, insisting on J. We've got to go to Jolly Bee. Yes, bro. We'll go to Jolly Bee. Yes, bro.

Get in the Lambo now. These are sauce shovels through and through. The definition. The very definition. You know how like, and not the smell. Because the smell is something we often associate, but like the feel and the experience. The mouth plate.

bowling ball or bowling alley shoe i thought you're going to say bowling alley fries well sure because i think they touched the shoes i'll say this bowling alley fries to me are the same as convention center fries and those are both inedible horror which are the same as mini golf fries yes they all they all order from the same distributor it's like the same cisco like bottom of the line like cheapest fucked up al's fries that kill you for me this is going promptly in the sauce shovel category Here's the thing, though. It's fine, and I know I'm splitting hairs here. I'm not trying to debate this.

Please split hairs. You say saw shovel. Those are Stormtrooper outfits. What the fuck is going on? I don't care. I don't care. Rashard, if you crash the Lambo truck, you will be. That's right.

We know you love Star Wars. It's our bad. Richard loves Star Wars. He loves Star Wars. That's how we pay him. We pay him in trinkets and figurines. For Christmas, we got him jammies. He's very thin.

I like thin fries. Really? I like thin fries. You like thick fries, you weird bitch. I do. I like thin fries because here's the thing. You understand, like to me, what makes a fry likely to be high variance is like oil content, like how likely are they to become soggy? How likely are they to be soggy when you get them?

And the second thing is how thick are they? Because the thicker a fry is, the more potato you get, instead of just fried outer potato, skin, right? Are you following? Yes, yes, yes, yes. And the more just raw potato in the middle you get, the more variance there is for how the quality of that potato. So when they're thicker, if the potato itself is not a great potato, then you're getting a worse fried, you're getting more of it compared to the crunchy outer shell that we pretty much all like because it's just fried oil. Right, of course. It's meant to be. It's meant to be enjoyed. It's highly palatable. Now let me let me throw a wrench into your whole system and your whole worldview of

Oh, the wrench is in. The wrench is flying at you fast and here, can you catch it? What are potato wedges? Are they fries? Potato wedges are fries. Yeah, well, because what else are the fuck? You could say they're wedges, but we call them wedges. Wedges are a subcategory of fries.

It was a marketing ploy, I think potentially invented by KFC, but probably before it. A curly fry is not the shape of a normal fry. And just because it's called a fried, does not make it more of a fry? Curly wedges. Is it possible? that would be so interesting it wouldn't be a wedge it sounds like something like an AI image could generate

but that we wouldn't actually see the shape of a wedge is that it could be wedged I think a wedge implies thickness no matter what a wedge more is about thickness than it is about a wedge you got a bitch bad enough a wedge does imply thickness come on

I'm so fucking sick of Aden oh me too what now though he's so excited about going to Sweden that he got a Swedish phone and he has The Swedish phone is so annoying. And he has Swedish discord

and he has, he has Swedish slack and he has, he has Swedish texting. Dude, the characters that he uses to type, it's like little hieroglyphics of like a fish.

All the emojis are only white guys. They don't even have the yellow option. That is standard. It's insane. It's weird that it defaults to that. And so I thought of a solution. I think the only way, because we're going to have to continue

the business in some way once he goes. I think the only way is for us to all get quo. Today's episode is brought to you by Quo the smarter way to run your business communications which we will need to use because being able, because he is obstinate about this and he is very arrogant as well. And it means that we're going to have to use

some sort of service that can communicate with him effectively while he keeps sending the white people thumb up. And we're like, just can you, is there a way to mod it? Can you mod it on? Use the default one. You don't need to signal that you are being. If you're not aware, by the way, close the number one rated business phone system on G2

with over 3,000 reviews and it's built for modern teams like ours. We're a very modern team. And more than 90,000 businesses from solo operators to growing teams rely on quota stay connected. We're very soon going to need to rely on something because this has gone too far.

Yeah, there's like one shared number and it's Aden's stupid number. And then whenever we need to talk to him about cutting him out of the Patreon and cutting him out of all these things that he was a part of, but now he's not anymore. This will be really helpful. Calls, text, voicemails, transcripts,

and contact details all live in one clean view. So money is online, by the way. If you didn't realize that, always say hello with Quo. Try Quo for free, plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to Quo.com slash the yard. That's QUO.com slash the yard.

And we thank them for sponsoring the episode. You know, depending on where this will be in the episode, we might have already thrown up. Yeah, we might have thrown up. I'm trying to chart where it might be. And if not, stay tuned. Stay tuned. It's going to get crazy, y'all.

We just pulled into a KFC. KFC. Speaking of fucking potato wedges. Now, hot ranch loaded wedges. That's a meal. We're not getting that. We will not be getting the meal. You guys just have French fries? Sir.

Yes sir. Can I just get some small French fries? And that's it. Actually, you have potato wedges? Actually, you have potato wedges, too? Can I get those as well? I love a yes, sir. I do like me, yes, sir.

That's okay, I'll be really far away. Any sauce with us? No sauce, thank you. The next time I'm this far away from a building, I'm fucking, I'm gonna crash this car. I'm gonna reach over and crash this car. Thank you. Thanks so much.

All right, so something to talk about here is that these came out instantly. That is scary. I know. The batch was done and it was waiting for us. It was done and then an indeterminate amount of time. Nick, do you smell what the car smells like right now? It smells like the building. It smells like the building.

I don't like this. It won't leave. It's like they're all using the same oils. We can't throw away the bag, though. It's the bag. This? Okay. You look into this bag. I'm gonna show them and then I'm gonna show you

This looks disgusting. Oh my god. It looks like your boys meet. Yes, bro. Like a poorly lit picture of your boys meat And he's trying to hold it next to like a Gatorade bottle, but it's a Gatorade mini. That's the kernel. I like the box They've made an illusion at the top. Ooh That's fun. That's fun. Please observe the illusion. They've tried to make it look like it has a shadow a drop shadow on the edge. I love that. To imply that this is a higher quality, like a premium plastic box.

This is paper. It's like getting a cigarette. I was fucking back. Whoa. Whoa. I'm traveling through. I'm traveling through the flavors. I won't lie.

Swimming through the flavor. When I walked up to the first taste of this fry, when I walked up, I was walking into a house. I tasted the home. It was the first thing they hit my tongue. But as I entered the home, there was no house inside. I entered the home and there was just a portal to seasoning and sauces and spices. I think I saw the colonel. I'm gonna visit him. You think the

colonel's in these fries? I'm gonna visit him. Trying to visit him. The house? There it is. Mmm, there he is. You see him? What's he saying? I saw him. He's saying please I invite you. I invite you into play and try it. Please try it. And when I was in my 50s, I almost killed myself and then I started KFC. True story. Look it up. And to this day, it's more closely guarded than state level secrets. Dude, these are good. I think you're kind of blown away by something I'm not finding. Try it, try it. I've tried it. Try it again. No, not that one. Don't try a fly with it. Well, you never have a fry with a pointy edge. This is not the type of fry you reach. Look at that. Look at that edge.

I mean like this. Yeah. There's another pointy, but he had the right side. Play. Think. Explore. Please. Sturge, I'm opening all the door of cupboards. It's better, okay, I'll say this. It carries this sort of fear of this house taste that we have found, this building that is absent and vacuous. But it is the best of all of these. This is a very edible fry.

I can eat these without sauce. I can say that. And I will be brave enough to say that. These are good goons. These are good guns. I'll call, yes. These are good goons. Because I want to finish the box. We're going to finish the box.

No, we weren't. We will fill up. We will not do that, young man. And we have something else to try. The wedges are not going to be good. These look crazy. Okay. Also, iPhone's making it look really good.

They look washed out. They're shot in log. They do look like your buddy who had like a skin graft. So when I was a kid, let me, let me please. before you, before you try. No, it's a smile. It's a smiley face.

Before you try, I have expertise here. Sure. When I was a kid, once again, I used to go to KFC quite a lot. I lived pretty close to a KFC. I would get the, like, the chicken box combo with the mashed potatoes and the mac and cheese and potato wedges. Okay. A lot of food for a kid, but I basically didn't gain weight for the first time until I was like 24. So I had some time.

potato wedges have variants within one box by a large margin. Okay? I implore you to find the thinnest wedge. Oh, yeah, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do not want to take a thick wedge. A thick wedge is just eating a fucking potato. It's very dry.

It's dry. It's got that, it's got like a mashed potato center kind of thing going on. This is a potato wedge. That's a great wedge. Find a, find one. Find one that suits you. It suits me. It's got a bubble.

I like bubble. Yeah, the bubbles are fun. Not everyone likes bubble, I like bubble. That's true. I have these a lot. This is how old I am, bro, at the grocery store. It was $3 for a pound of potato wedges. Uh-oh, let me try it.

Oh my god. Why am I getting fruity notes? Are you getting the fruit? Cascara. I'm getting herbal nuttiness. I'm getting a chocolatey, no, I'm just getting home. It's like a, um, what's that one coffee? It's like erg, ergguricil or something.

or something. The hell? Gisha. A Yerga chef. Yergishaf. You taste the Yergishaf? This is the closest I've tasted to actual dirt. It's pretty gross. It tastes like dirt. You know what's so interesting. I don't know if I could go as far as to say that they are inedible.

But they, but like, there's no sauce for these. The levels are turned all fucking on this. The salt's really high. The dirt levels has turned really high. The, the tasteful. oils are all just tuned low. These are everything those wish they could be. Is it just the format? Like the

shapes? Is that what's making it different here? They season them differently. The potato quality is, like I said, the potato quality is low. Eating these is like, it does feel like, oh man, I mean, I bought them. That's what it feels

like eating these. These are a break from mac and cheese and mashed potatoes. That's all they are. Or something to into mashed potatoes which kill yourself if you're doing that these are in edible these are the top of an edible yeah i'll give you this bro they're pretty bad you know why i say an edible i mean an edible kind of in a different way they're not an edible in that like i couldn't eat another i could eat another they're an edible in that i will never for the rest of my life order them never yeah also in edible in the way that if you're a buddy just like christian has some kfc at his desk

And you're like trying to bum a wedge? I'm not trying to bum a wedge. I keep the wedge. They will not be edibleed, eaten by me for the rest of my life that in a way makes them an edible. But they're not inedible in the sense that they just, they taste so horrible. I could not eat another. Yeah, I'm with you, man. These are really bad.

Oh, this is, I know where we're going to the habit. No, sorry, sorry. We're going to five guys. Sorry, we're going to five guys. Burgers and fries. So five guys gets a lot of guff. And rightfully so for basically if you get five guys. Am I dumping these?

Dude, if you want to eat them, you can eat them. You already ate most of them. You don't. That was like four fries. I'm not trying to make the noises. Oh, God. It's still going, actually. Five guys, if you order it, you get, like, you know, you're pretty much like taking out a payday loan.

Can we take a small break just so I can ask you a question? How do you feel? I feel. It's like, Carlo did. The transient curse comes with a flat. The flaming skulls fly out. Dude, I feel gross. Like, I feel fine.

I'm already starting to feel very gross. I feel a little fatigued, like a little tired, but I think maybe I single out of leave. Okay, I'm not kidding. I'm going to roll the window for two seconds. I can't smell anything but the house. I think something happened to you. No, dude. Maybe you're just near the like the mega fries.

It's the bag. It is the bag. It's the bag of mega fries. This is so far the bag of mega fries. What's that in there? Oh. At the very end, we will both grab a fistful. Look at the mega fries. It looks crazy. Oh my God. Why is that gross to me? It's like when you see like a, I think we've talked about this before. It's like I love ranch. I don't want to see five gallons of it.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No one needs to see a vat of anything you eat. I have a request to whoever runs in and gets our five guys. Please, can I get a water? I'm starting to feel the salt content. Childish. The mouth play. The thing about, and I'll say this, from one entrepreneur to another. Please, I'm listening because I have to listen to your findings. I think it's important to be able to withstand pains as an entrepreneur. But here's the thing. I'm trying to be fair to the fry because when you think about your first fry, you're well hydrated. And then all that salt enters your body, you dehydrate.

Yeah, it does empty. So for the next fry, I'm dehydrated. It's going to be a lesser experience. The salt content is not going to be. Is a Baja blast, not a refreshing oceanic beverage? I think there's actually salt in this. I'm not kidding. I think there's salt in this.

I'm not a scientist. We could go to the adult basic learning environment. Dude, we are the adult basic learning environment. Wish it's going now, bro. Remember people come up to be in the airport and be like, the stuff you talk about in the yard is like really low-key deep, bro. And you're like, what the fuck are you thought? It's okay.

Do you ever have a conversation with like a normie or like anything where they go like, oh what do you do and like you happen to answer honestly and you're like I do a podcast and I'm like oh what's it about have you ever been asked that question of all the time it's the first natural question and I say it's comedy yeah I go comedy comedy comedy podcast you know what else you get a lot what do you talk about yeah and then and then and then it's a little more fluid you're like ah do we just bullshit this guy just looked at our Lamborghini and shook his head like like in disgust richard pullover richard I have to fucking beat the shit out of that guy maybe we should unleash the

We must have to unleash the steps. What is he mad about? I don't know. Is he mad that we're like that? He's mad that we're like, maybe he smelled the house. Maybe he's dead. Maybe it was this, maybe it was, ugh. He smelled the house.

The ultra fries. Maybe he smelled the ultra bag. Oh my dude, I feel insane. What? But the fries, they're surging me. You are a set, you're sensitive and you're weak. You have weak, weak muscles and weak sponge-like bones. Get it all out, man.

Get it all out. What else do you want to say? As an entrepreneur, it's a liability. Do you understand that? What if we have to be? What if we have to be in Hong Kong with seven businessmen and they're like it's fry time and you're trying to tap out before the deal's closed What are we doing? You're right. You're right. You're absolutely right and I need to lock in. I'm so sorry

I said I yelled that you like that. It's okay. It's okay. I need to hear it man. Dude my it feels like there's salt in every crevice of my throat and Whenever a liquid goes down the salt steals it. That's how it feels right now. It's five guys and it's burgers and fries and guess what they double bagged it now you got both times right? Let that sit. Just like we're on the art set. Bro didn't fucking listen. Yeah? You know what I mean? I mean, we talked about it.

You have permission to strike. You can strike Zipper. But you can't strike us. Actually, Zipper can also strike him. Zipper may strike you back. Maybe both of you may strike. Play in the front while you drive. I would like you to play.

Well, I guess we could try this fry while we're waiting. Yeah, we could. Okay, so something about... Did he get my fucking water? No. I'm going to hurt. hurt him. He gets back.

So something about Five Guys Burgers and Prys, we briefly touched on it, is that it's a very expensive place to eat. I think their burgers are phenomenal. I actually consider Five Guys Burgers and Fries a treat every now and then. I'm a guy trying to lose weight, trying not to eat like a dog shit criminal. But I will cave sometimes. I don't get Five Guys Burgers and Fries and Fries. And like Five Guys, you're getting Five Byers Brugs and fries. I am.

Wowsers. Do you not? I do not. I don't like fry. five guys and burgers fries. Tell me why you don't. So here's the thing. I actually had the five guys seasoned fries burgers and fries experience. I had the season fries the cajan fries. Yes. Because I love a cajan. I love a cajan season. I go to wing stop, get the Cajun wings. Get the Louisiana rub. You get a rub down. I hate when all the wings are wet.

I want some dry wings. I need some dry wings. I need a rub. It's way less messy and you're going to dip it in some ranch anyway. You'll get your wetness. You'll get what you need. You'll get what you need. I went there and when I opened the container, I can only describe it as like, when you, have you ever opened like a wing stop container and at the bottom is the juice? The bottom of the wings is the juice. And it's like all the oil and sauce that is just sat at the bottom and sank. Yes. Thank you.

Nice. Oh, it's the most full water of all time. Zipur got a small fry, right? It was called a little fry. It's called a little fry. It comes in two bags because of how crazy. it gets. You want to see some gore? Oh, God.

Right? Okay. Dude, that is fucking gross. Why is it gross? This is what's within all fries. You know what the difference is? Bitch, they serve it in a paper cup that doesn't soak. And you think that this is... that's somehow better than this. This is just showing what's really going on. Entrepreneur.

This is the container. Those look like shit. There's literally... There's literally more in here. They look like shit. Why? These look very Cajun as well. Show the camera. Everything looks good on the camera because we're under a sunroof, okay?

They look bad in real life. It's going to smell like a chowder in here when we leave it. It will be. All right. I just love that how their fries taste, bro. It's just weird. I don't know. They activate my almonds in a way that most doesn't.

And I don't, I'm not even particularly defending it and saying, no, this is actually like a good ass fry. These fries, these fries that they gave us are really soggy. They are soggy. This is not usually the case. They're a little soggy. It's like not this soggy. Five guys is not known for their, they're not known for their very crunchy exterior fries. They are known for a, I would say like kind of like a classic diner fry that is a little sogier. There's just this like, this like kind of burntness to them that is, yeah.

That is baked in that I really enjoy. And another thing, personally, it's very choice. I love softer fries. I love softer. Curly queue, come on, bro. What we like about the curly queue is the density of the softness. What we like about the curly queue is that you get to kind of bite into seven fries at once while only eating one fry. And it's acceptable. It's acceptable. You cannot be judged. You're breaking the rules a little bit. Yeah, I don't like these. These are soft shovels to me.

You're fucking kidding. I immediately would like to dip these into ranch to make them edible for me. And I feel strongly and I will not budge. So your play, entrepreneur. Do your fucking play? in previous tier list episodes we have I use my one time and I use mine you can't I use mine you can't use yours I use mine well what happens then we go to rock paper scissors

if I lose can I keep my one time for a different fry no because you're putting it on the line that I can't cancel it out that's it then there I might as well just fucking not one time and then hold onto it and have power I'm using my power I'm spending my power so you can save your power or you can feel so strongly that you want to Well, first, let me find out where are you going to put it? What tier are you going to put it?

Don't you cannot put goaded. Are you going to put goaded? I am. No, dude, no. I can't. Then then challenge me. This is the gamble of power. I'm putting my nuts on the line. Okay, I'll hard read this shit out of you. I will counter you. You're gonna make me spend my one time and then also get rid of your own for this. That's how much I like these fries. I'm sorry I believe in something. All right, we are going on shoot. Well, best of one. No, best of three. Okay. It's a best of three always. You need that you need the information around. Fine. Rock paper, scissors, shoot. Rock paper, scissors, shoot. Rock. Welcome to the top of the list five guys. That is such bullshit, man. It is such a it is literally a dog shit fry. I can't believe with a California guy. I am forced to put out a fucking tier list that puts the most dog shit fries at the top. That is insane. I'm insulted. You gambled your power as an entrepreneur

newer. One may not gamble their power if they're not confident that they succeed. Now I have to eat the fucking other bullshit fries. So the thing about five guys, burgers and fries is there's two different types. There's a Cajun fries and then the normal fries. I actually think these are interchangeable. These are fucking gross, man.

You are so fucked. These are even better. This place is called Baca City. Dude, I will do everything. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I will Venmo you $100 to promote the fries. Call Ludwig. Call Ludwig. I think he'll pick up.

We can ask him what he thinks. We can get more input. I will be. I won't you $100 to take this off the top of the list. I don't want $100. I want the right thing to be on the right tier. You have too much money. You got power over me.

I can't use money over you. You can only use violence. And I'll fight back. Hello? Hey, buddy. You got a second? Yeah, what up? Me and Slime are doing the podcast.

Slime wanted to ask you a question. Hey, bro. Hey, what up, man? Gun to your head, 44 Magnum. How do you feel about five guys fries? Wet? They're wet? They're a bit wet.

They are a bit wet, aren't they? Do you like it wet? Cuddy likes it wet. I don't want, I wish I hadn't said that. I wish I hadn't said it out loud. Okay. Where would you, what would you letter grade to Five Guys Fries? Both of you.

On like a S-grade tier list. Is there a 44 magnum to my head? Yeah, but it only goes off if you don't answer the question. I sit there and I, who's holding the magnum? Um, it's, uh... The reincarnate of Charlie Kirk. Charlie Kirk is holding the magnum? Yeah, and he's in the Tony Stark Iron Man suit.

It's keeping him alive. Do I know it's him? You're probably... 100%. I mean, you have been a little brainwashed by all the videos and it's a little you're you have to really stare and make sure, but it's definitely him. Please don't let that influence your answer. I think it doesn't influence. I think I still stay rock hard.

It's well seasoned. It's wet. A lot of potato in it. I think it's got an argument for A. I think I probably end up A or B. Okay. What do you think about slime? not only putting S tier, but then when I say these are not S tier and I give him migrating,

which was C, he forces to use his one time and then creates a rule that if we both use our one time, it's RPS and the other person loses theirs, and then I lose mine, and he puts them in goaded. And then he went scissors. Yeah, I mean, it sounds like you got a, you kind of got owned and you're a little bitter about it. Yeah, man. He's putting five guys in S tier. And then he went to paper. For S tier, but I think slime likes it wet.

They're my dad's favorite fries. I, dad isn't part of the fucking tier list. Okay, two more questions really fast. Cudy, what do you rank five guys fries if you like it wet? I don't have memory like that in regards to French fries, but my dad said there his absolute favorite fries, so that makes a mess. That's a good man, that's a strong man. Another question really quick.

What would you consider your favorite fries? of like fries both of you honestly McDonald's okay yeah this is a pocket pick Arby's interesting it's an interesting pick and I'm glad you said something like that what vehicle you guys in uh um we just I do ask I drove I'm driving right now actually it's dangerous what I'm doing uh is your car my car I Yonikva the Hyundai yeah yeah okay all right what made you ask that what a weird question Just ask some questions. Okay.

What's your favorite fry of all time before we're, we hang up? All time, it's Red Robin. Interesting. Red pussy. Yum. Okay. I'm like my fiance, bro.

Sorry. Don't talk like that about, don't talk like that about my family. That's my bad. All right, bro. Hey, have a good one, guys. Hey, y'all, enjoy the fries, man. You both look really good.

I can tell. How does he fed this information? How does he know what we look like? I gotta go. by. How does he know he look good? Some entrepreneurial... Who leaked? Mole.

Oh, Rashad, if you leaked, I will flogged. We will strike you. We're going to strike you. I'm so... I'm not kidding. I'm... I'm mad? Like, an arguable of my fucking girlfriend mad. Like, I'm mad. I'm sorry that...

So, so what is it? You just have to call first time and like it's fucking reaction test? No, we're men and we duel. And you lost the duel. You got two-oed. Clean. I fucking hate that there was a one time for this fucking tier list. We always had one times.

That's what they're for. I know. I respect the game. But God, I'm... Five guys sucks! And all the reddors are going to be like, Nick has literally never had a good fucking food argument.

You have sleep apnea! And you are a low-level engineer! Shut the fuck up! You have a fake email job and you can't sleep right because you snort too much. You have a proton mail. Just for the record, if it matters, Richard, if you're fucking listening at all, for the record, the season fries... I'm sorry, what? You're asleep with your eyes open.

Interesting. The season fries are inedible for me, and then the regular fries are sauce troubles. Inedible is... Whatever. It doesn't matter. I already want. They are burnt and soggy. They are burnt and soggy. I don't need to dance on your shitty stupid grave.

That place is just called Chinese fast food. Oh, it's Wingstop. We're going to Wing Stop. We're going to Wing Stop. And I hope you're ready for the juice. I think the guy that works here has the Nordic Rune tattoo on his hand. It's a like, this is a place where you get, yeah, a Skyrim tattoo or like a, the dark sign. Okay, chill.

Not too much. Not too much on the cursed dark sign tattoo. It's media I like. Yeah. The anime, awesome. Maybe the, oh, you know what it, the Lord of the Rings, the triangle. You know what you get is the Assassin's Creed, but it's on your wrist where, like, the Assassin Blade is. I know.

This is Philippians 3, 4. I know a guy that got that. He was like, I think he was in high school at the time. Younger kid that was a friend of my, he was like a cousin of my friend. But unfortunate name, Israel. Yeah, it's a tough name. He's Mexican. Tough name.

It's just a name. When you go to the principal's office for bullying a kid, and it's like, who were you picking on? Israel In the Fold your arms The principal gives you A fucking down low

High five He says I I feel you I feel you kiddo Yeah Back on the playground Israel with an Assassin's Creed tattoo

Can't write this shit Yeah there's some unfortunate names That I think in hindsight Like ISIS Isis We all know an ISIS I did know an ISIS

Um Do you know what show She was so She was so beautiful That it Loki probably didn't matter Ever It's like

Like a guy Like your name's what That's cool I guess It was ISIS. You're forgiven for your beauty. Dude, I know the texture, taste, shape, uh, SMS rating down to, of a wingstop fry. I already know it. I almost don't. I almost, not really. I just used to in COVID. Really? During COVID when we were all. Were you a fat little man? Yeah, in COVID when we were slaves to Uber Eats. I was just getting, you were getting wingstop?

I would eat wingstop every once. Well, no, sorry. We used to, I actually wasn't Uber Eatsing. We used to live next to a wingstop. I'll say this. And maybe it's just a cultural thing. I have had wing stop like single digit times in my life, bro. Boom. You know it's funny. Shake, drizzle, and Kelby May. Chill. Not too much. Cock, sucker, Kelby Mae, and, and shake, drizzie. Dude. Those motherfuckers order wingstop at the office, and they order it, they order it because it comes with a two for one where you can get two for one. Yes. And then they eat it, and they open it up the bag, like a bag of fucking beef jerky in the office.

The entire room smells like fucking wingstop. And then when you try to be like, you guys are eating wingstop, they go, the macros are actually pretty good. It is the highest level cope of all time. You got Kelby with like the smallest biceps known to man be like the macros, though. Don't get me started on the macros. You play nothing about League of Legends. You only play video games. No one else plays.

And to be fair to them, they haven't, they haven't pegged out. They haven't winged out in a while. and maybe it's due to the chirping. No, it's because Kelby is not in America. No, bro, even before that. I think they quietly switched to Panda. Ew.

Which, I don't think it's ew. I think Panda's way better than Wingstom. Wingstops's like dirty food. Like, it's bad for you, and it's scary food for you. Can we tell, we can finally tell, I don't know, maybe we already have. Can we tell our Panda Express Secret? Yeah. Have we told it before?

Yeah, I think we have told it. Have we? Yeah. When we were getting swatted a bunch, our big code word was, let's get Panda Express or Panda Express in Discord, because it would otherwise not be something we would say to each other. Yeah, we would say Panda Express to warn, hey, there's a swatting happening, but don't let Stream see.

And we chose it because there was just no way in hell any of us would ever recommend going there and eating. It would never come up as a suggestion. And you would immediately know, oh, something's wrong. But I didn't, I didn't like hate on Panda like you guys maybe did. I thought, I think Pantha's fine. I used to go to, I found like I was fucking Augustus Gloop as a kid, but I used to, I used to live across from a Panda Express as a kid. And I'd go there basically every other day. And I would get the honey walnut shrimp, the orange chicken, and the chalman.

I mean, this is a great goon. It is an insanely high sodium meal. Of course. And it was actually so good. While we're on the subject of fries, I'm so glad I could say this. And I've said this before, and I get smirks, and I get snickers, and I get giggles. Yeah. And it's, it's really disrespectful.

And that's why I became an entrepreneur to silence those voices. Take control, silence the voices, wield the staff. But here's what I say and what people tend to giggle at. Denny's fries in Japan at the Denny's that I had them at were the best fries I've ever had in my whole life. And I'm not kidding. They were glistening and crunchy and soft. And they came with a powder that you could shake if you wanted to and it's optional, but you didn't need to. Completely optional.

We will not turn it into a meal on accident. I cannot express. And it sounds like a joke. It's not like fucking around. Like I'm making a big fucking joke. Denny's Japanese fries in Japan, in Tokyo. It was beautiful, man. It was changed my life.

Not enough fries come with an optional powder. It was so... That is something that I think should come with more fries. It was a powder. And a smaller bag to encase the fries in with the powder. And you shake. They're so neat. It's a game.

They're so neat. And it's a game. How much can you shake it? Maybe you shake it a little bit because you like it on the top more. Maybe you saturate. You saturate. You let it play. Maybe that's what you want.

Did you have kids at school who were eating top ramen out the fucking bag raw? Yeah, yeah. They eat like a sandwich or like a... They'd bite the brick? Yeah, that's crazy. Darren did that. Biting the brick is fucking crazy. Darren used to do that.

You know what else? Darren did his way of flirting with girls. He would like have their number. Yeah. And he would, while at parties when there's a lot of people around, he would be texting the girl at the party. Be like, hey. Whoa. That was Darren's mood.

That is decent Riz. It was bad Riz because. If it goes wrong, the girls were making fun of them. Yeah, they look over like, what? Like they say it and the room. What? Why are you texting me? Yeah, this girl I dated. She's like, yeah, Darren was trying to hit on me. And this is how he did it. And she was like talking about it like it was, it wasn't that charming.

Speaking of cursed and Un-Fibbidden Riz, we actually, we had a smash player who used to come to our house. We could censor his name, I guess, but it doesn't really deserve it. Who, this was the guy. I told the story a long time before. This is the guy who dropped a bong. my garage once and shattered the glass everywhere. And instead of cleaning it up, he just laid a towel on it and left. Which is great.

Because that's like what a guy who's trying to kill you would do. It's a wily coyote trap. He laid a towel on a bunch of shattered glass left. Anyway, this is the guy we used to play melee with come to our house. Fast forward to 2023. So this is many years. We have not spoken to this guy in a while. Maybe 2022.

too. My, um, my girlfriend gets a Snapchat notification from him. And I don't even think at the time she was using Snapchat. Maybe it's just still on your phone. Yeah, yeah. Maybe just like to talk to her little brother or something. And, um, it was from him. And she opened it. And he had sent a picture of his penis bulge through his underwear to her. To my girlfriend. I forgot about this. And, uh, oh, that's hands, honestly. And she replied. And she said, do you know who this is? And he didn't. He had just picked a girl's name. Well, he could have been like, oops, I'm caught.

And it's the best thing to say. It's possible. But he's also straight up, probably like a 4 IQ guy. But he would literally be like such a Hail Mary. He, I remember, I think I told this before, he drove me home from Power 9 once, and it was terrifying because if there was no car in front of him, he would just continue going faster. And I had to tell him to slow down because he was in the left lane and there was nobody in front. He's ended up going like 100.

In like a shit box like a cord. Was he the one who also couldn't talk and drive at the same time? That was you. All right, so it's wing stop. No. Can you put, okay, can we put this in the... You know what? Maybe it doesn't deserve to go in the megabag.

Maybe they're so good they don't deserve to go in the megabagabag. I think if you put it in the mega bag, a fucking bacteria would start to form. It would crawl out the top. Where's the mega bag? All right, guys. Dude, this is gross. It's so... Feel how heavy it is.

Dude, it's bulging and it's dripping. It feels like a human head. Guys, we're at Wingstop. We have Wingstop fries. I'm gonna eat one, but I already know exactly the genetic makeup of what this tastes like. It's so interesting how in tune you are with Wingstop. So, wow, presentation, it's something to sit on,

to put on a table. You're not really eating these in the car. No. But it's still fast food. It's a basket. An illusion about this. Wingstop, wingstop known for large portions. They give you quite a lot of the things,

get the things that you order. How dare they hot. And I'm taking a freaking bite. Very hot. Oh. Do you taste the house? I think I'm tasting the house again. Oh my God, look what we're approaching by. Rashar, are we going to Del Taco for fries?

Meds still has me blocked on Twitter because he refuses to... It happened. It just happened. It just happened. It happened. It happened and there were witnesses, and now he's saying it didn't happen because he thinks there's long enough time. People are still out here talking about when it happened. Meds asked me to go to Del Taco for a burger. It happened. And that was an opposite.

And you know what? In Metz's defense, everyone, when you tell them that, they look at you and you go, okay, the burger's good and he was put on. But he thinks it's embarrassing. Oh, he's too deep now. Because it's too deep. Okay, very interesting the wings top fry because it tastes, maybe it's because I'm so used to it with ranch dressing. Here's the thing about the wings top fry. It's very sweet. There's literally like sugar crystals on it. All right. I have my answer. Thank you.

I have my answer. Hold on. Now the problem is that, look at this one. It's like a fence. It is crazy. Yard logo. Yard, peak mentioned. Peak mentioned. You see the fucking art show is still using our logo? I know. Fucking insane.

Let's go there. Let's go there. Where is it, North Carolina? Yeah. I'm ready. And I'll meet Alex's mom. We're going to go there with Alex's mom. Give them all pace of our mind. Wingstop fries, they're really good if you get the good fry.

I think they're seasoned in such a powerful way, and the season overpowers everything. but I like it. Okay. If you don't like it, then these might be unedible to you. In addition, sometimes you get a fry that is not even touched with seasoning, not even kissed. Yeah. And that can be bad.

So, I think this is a clear high variance fry. Yeah, this is high variance. This is high variance. I think because my first instinct when I had one was, I was so... That was a bad one. I was so positive I would know exactly what it tasted like. But then when I tasted it, I was surprised. Interesting.

So I was like, oh, what is that? And I was like, oh, I'm normally eating these with ranch dressing. So I'm so accustomed to the soft shoveling experience that I was caught off guard by what they truly are. And it wasn't that they were bad. It was just I had something that I didn't expect. Dude, the mega bag. I'm making a new mega bag because this is a stronger one. This is our current mega bag.

Dude, I don't know if you should do that. No, no, it's fine. I don't know if you should do that. No, it won't ignite the atmosphere. I promise. You're about to step on the fucking Capri Sun. You are gonna spill, bro. Oh, shut up!

Mega bag! Oh, mega bag! Dude, it's so heavy. It's like... Mentos in a Coke. Oh, tell everyone where your suits from. Oh, I'm wearing the suit that I wore to Homecoming in high school. Because my nice one is like at the dry cleaners. Isn't that crazy?

It's tight right here for sure. You can kind of tell. It's like tight in the arm. But everywhere else kind of fits. I feel like the singer of Taking Back Sunday No Yeah, yeah, yeah No, what's that all-time low?

No Ben-Bamp-Bamp-Bamp My paper heart will bleed What band is that? What's wrong? What are you doing? What's wrong? Dude, my phone died. Oh, that's unfortunate

And I can't, I need to buy I need to buy something right now And I don't have my phone And my phone is now my wallet as well And it's dead. So everything thing you touch is now up operational what I was buying. You're

like something sexual? Yes. Was it dangerously sexual? Yes. But now I can't buy it. I don't know what to do. Does it turn on if you hit it? No, it doesn't turn on. And this is tough because if I had one, the number one thing that can solve your problem is actually a Ridge Power Bank.

Ridge Power Bank. Yeah, they solved wallets. They solved phone cases. They solved all that, but they actually have power bank. I thought they only made wallets. They don't. They actually make it. Well, they wanted conquer electricity, if you will. You know what happened? The last power bank I bought? What happened? It exploded. In your pocket and there was a big scar. I lost some bone. You lost some bone? You lost feeling in your leg for a year.

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If you go to Best Buy and get this, you have to check out Magnolia. They're hiding shit. They're hiding things in Magnolia in the back. You have to find them. The Magnolia staff will actually reward you for this. This is documented and guaranteed. You have to do this. Here we are, man.

They got dirty DPs. Should we get a dirty soda? I don't like dirty sodas. I think it's too indulgent. I'm 36 years old. I don't get those. Should we get a dirty soda? Can I just get a small fry and that is it?

$2.97. Say what you will about the clown. Wait, that's so expensive. Of course it is. Didn't it used to be like 99 cents for a small fry? I mean, probably when you were in high school bitch. Hi. I mean, we're both thinking it. Are we not? Thinking what?

She's too beautiful to work at my God. She is far too bad. I hate to be the slime guy. guy. I mean, these are inside thoughts. She was inside thought. She was gorgeous. Yeah, she was a fucking supermodel at the McDonald's. I don't know why. She was like you know, because my girl exists,

she's a 9.9. But she was very, very good looking. Yeah, she was almost as beautiful as my girlfriend. It was like Anna Day Armis is working at the McDonald's and Burbank. That was crazy. I don't know why. That is what like the right wing guys like, like, yeah, that's like what they think.

Well, let's see if let's see if what she served is as breathtaking as yourself. All right. McDonald's fries, guys, these many would say, is the control group. Many would say these are the fries that all fries should be compared to.

Many would say they have the best fries. I don't know if I agree. Now, did you ever work at a McDonald's? I did not work in McDonald's. They worked fast food. Never. No, well, I worked at a drive-through, but it was a coffee bean. Yeah. Does it count.

I worked one day at a McDonald's I quit the day of. Because there were two reasons. One, I hated the job, and I had to take the bus to get there because I didn't have a car, I was a teenager. Number two, the woman who was training me was beautiful, and she would come up behind me every time when I was like learning the register and she put her hand around my waist. I've told this story before. Oh. I put her hand around my waist. And every time, I'm like a 15 year old teenager with crazy hormones.

Right. I would have a boner every time. You'd get a boner at work? Dude, I was boned out all day because she would insist on coming up behind me, putting her hand around my low waist. She was very flirty. It was weird. I think she was older, too. I think I was molested.

Yeah, you were in the McDonald's. You might have got mowed at the Mick. And the whole day, I'm like, this is so, and I was, like, hunched over because I'm trying to hide it in the slacks, McDonald's black slacks. Hey, Anthony, can you come sweep over here? You're walking, like, you're, like, holding the broom in front. Yeah. It was crazy. All right.

I got to eat this fry before it gets cold. Well, I mean... Give me another. You know, these are... These are a little thinner than they used to... These suck. These are a little smaller than they used to be, too. There's a little smaller than they used to be, too.

These suck. Don't they have longer ones in the longer package? I don't know. Does the smaller ones necessitate smaller fries? They might have to. They might have to have different size fries. $3. Thanks, Trump.

Kill your... I don't think they're bad. You know what they are? These are sauce shubles. I need ketchup. Yeah, I need something. Nothing. People are gonna be so mad about this.

Oh my god, this is gonna be the most annoying part. And we put five guys at the top, dude. I just lost all credibility and I didn't even have any. Well, in the comments, they can explain all the humiliating shit that happened to you. Then you'd be vindicated. You'd be a humiliated coat. I'm the huge paused bull at the top of the list. The fucking engineer.

that is leaving a comment on redder right now about me. What they're thinking right now is what's funny is Nick was actually wrong about five guys. It is peak, but it's so crazy that they put McDonald's so low, though. I don't trust either of them now. That's what they're going to say. No, I mean, look, I'm not trying to think about that. Look, here's the thing.

I don't think these are bad, actually. I'm continuing to eat them, and I've eaten fries all day. I think these are hiberians. Because what it means? Because, like, we've had fries at a fucking dope as fuck. And, like, McDonald's were allowed to use our breadth of human. experience to talk about the variance these ones they're not as tip-top shape as McDonald's fries can be and I think we've all experienced that especially at

McDonald's McDonald's I would say is the reason high variance and in and out is on the list and that's where it should go the bottom please the bottom of high barrients please because dude and we're at del Taco now God fucking damn it it's the challenge is starting to hurt yeah I'll put the bottom of high variance but I read the record to show that these are sauce shovels me. I don't know if I have ever finished a bag of McDonald's fries with nothing on the side. I don't need to finish them. I always just want one. I think you're being crazy. I always just want one or two. Because they have that McDonald's taste at the end that no other

fry has. I think you aren't a real fry head then. Because what are you talking about? Whatever, man. I'm not going to put you on blast because we're on the same team because we're entrepreneurs. You're like, oh, my favorite bands? Oh, I like Queen. It doesn't matter. I like guns and If the music's good, then the music's good. You like the bands on the cover of music. We're not trying to be niche here. Oh, music? My favorite fries, five guys.

I love music. I love music. I love queen. I love queen. I don't. Well, look, now we're at some real me shit. Can I just get a regular fries? Thank you.

What's the, wait, what's a dirty dell? Delt. Dirty Delt. Do I need to try that? So it's fine. There's your dirty sodas, you fucking animal. I know what they are. I just want one.

You're a fucking child. It was a dirty soda with lime. Oh, can I get it? Hey, oh my God, they have candy. Yeah, duh. Candy's awesome. Nothing, not soda. Candy soda is evil.

Soda is candy. And it's evil. But candy is not inherently evil, but soda can... You are licking snoz active. That is zero. That's different. And you know that, too. Do not pretend that you don't know that.

It's not not candy. for being zero. What the fuck are you talking about? It's still candy. You're drinking candy. No it's not. Candy is defined by sugar. Sugar. No, it's not. Sugar, not sweeteners. You bitch. Stupid bitch.

You're lost. You're a lost soul. And you frankly, you inflict that on other people. And it's embarrassing. McDonald's fries aren't that good. I think they're... I think they're the standard. And they have high variance because of that. I think they're good.

I'm fine with high variance because on the cheerless, it's the middle. And that's low enough to me to be a happy. I do like how you're standing for a crusade. This is, I mean, this is where I stood for five guys. It's just, do you remember eating the fucking nacho fries from Taco Bell? Do you remember what that was like? It was amazing. It was unbelievable.

I couldn't imagine. I couldn't imagine a different experience being better than that. It was really good. And I think McDonald's is like, yeah, two tiers away from that. If they're out of five tiers. Yes. Yeah. You know, I respect a lot about McDonald's fries.

They haven't changed. I know, right? The fries you have when you were a kid of them. the fries you're having now the same. You know, maybe. There used to be an old hack. It was kind of like a Reddit urban myth where you'd say, can I get fries no salt and it forces them to make new fries?

Yeah, at In and Out, the method is saying, can I get fries light well? Light well. And they have to cook them differently. So they have to make you a fresh bag. So you get fresh rice. So we'll get to In and Out when we start talking about it. But something about In and Out,

which, where they wear those big buck and safety pins on the back of their aprons and shit, They have potatoes in the store. You know what else has potatoes in the store? Five guys. Burgers and fries. Burgers and fries. Something to be said. Well, that's why they're always compared to each other.

And it's actually miraculous that Five Guys burgers and fries, despite having the same methodology is in and out, makes such a dog shit fry because they have the potatoes right fucking there. Don't stop. I'm going to come. I want to make you come. I want to make you us. All right.

I've never, and I'll say this, full of sincerity, never once had these. I don't think I've had Del Taco. Rich, you're fucking me and my asshole. I haven't had Del Taco since I was maybe 10. At all? No, at all. Thank you so much. I do like that all the restaurants ask you if you want ketchup

instead of just wasting the bags. I mean, you know who wasted is like five guys. They just throw ketchup at you. It's so, what do you call it, hedonistic, you know? So someone about Del Taco fries. Our first crinkle cut fry. And may I say the green box, not appetizing. Not at all.

It looks like throw up. Did Del Taco change their color to green? Are they trying to differentiate? Dude, I don't think so. That is like the worst branding ever. Dude, the red Del Taco is like iconic. I don't know why they would do something like this. Oh my God.

Del Taco, not something I also had growing up. So when I moved to California, I, you know, I started eating. And I liked what I was eating. And I'll say this. grilled chicken burrito from del taco through the years has gotten way worse it used to be optimal goons I used to I used to crave me and miles I take miles of del taco me let's go go and now I mean I eat differently now obviously but the last time I had one was like two years ago and it was dog shit terrible anyway let me get

involved our first crinkle cut fry I feel like crinkle cut fries almost designed to be sauce shovels they hold the sauce yeah there's more There's more a divvets. They're really hot. Oh. Um. Bro, these are like flavorless, adventureless, sexless. Interesting.

These are vacuous. There's something about them I like, but. Really? But it's mostly stuff I don't like. I think this is the pure raw definition of a sauce shovel. There is nothing here. This is not meant to be enjoyed alone. In fact, that lady scowled when I said no ketchup.

Yeah. She looked at me like I was a child molester. Yeah. Yeah, well, you look like one today in particular. But there's something about the thing I like about them that takes them out of inedible for me. These aren't inedible. No, no, no. I could finish these fries if I had to.

Dude, I don't know. Maybe if I was hungry enough, but like I cannot imagine having these without a sauce. They're very, imagine. They are very salty. They are very salty. Are you smoking weed? I don't think they are that salty, but they're salty as fuck. Can we talk?

There's crystals. They're, dude, they're not. It crystallize. Dude, they're not. Every fry I've had is not a salty fry. Hanglo-Bless-Bless-Ball. Hang-Bless-Ball-Bless-Hung. Can we talk about crinkle-cut and what it means to us?

You can start. Yeah. So, crinkle-cut does not mean much to me. When I think crinkle-cut, I think of, I went to the grocery store and bought fries to make in the oven at home. That's what crinkle-cut makes me think. I can't think of, like, an instance or restaurant that has crinkle-cut fries that I'm like, those are the goaded fries. I don't have any positive memories associated with them.

I just sort of have mundane. I'm at, it's dinner and my mom made burgers and these were the fries at the grocery store memories or maybe I'm at a friend's birthday party and they're chefing something up to have on the side with the grilled burgers. And that to me is the beginning and end of what a crinkle cut fry does in society. It is just there to fill the gap of when we cannot go to a restaurant. I think that's very apt and that's very salient and I agree, right? and I'm glad that you pretty much said everything

I felt like I was going to say. So what is then, with that information, let's say anecdotally, this is all of our shared experiences on crinkle cut fries. And very few people have their favorite as a crinkle cut fry. What then are we doing with crinkle cut fries? Like, why is Del Taco saying crinkle cut?

That's the one we'll get. Probably for the same reason that they're green. They're trying to stand out in ways, but they don't understand what it means to stand out positively. I find it hard to believe that Del Taco, which is a fucking Fortune 500 company, and I was whipping my own ass. Dude, but they're falling off the radar, bro. When was the last time your homie was, I guess you and Miles, but you were the homie? It was a long time.

What was the last time someone was like, hey, you want to hit Del Taco? Or do you like to do something else? Like, your only person you know that goes to Del Taco is currently addicted to it and has been since they were a child. Dipper's a point out of yourself. You know what I mean? It's like Taco Bell. Just go to Taco Bell. Taco Bell is cooler

It is cooler It tastes better You're not a real tortilla head I don't know if you can say that one That one's on charge That's like something Aiden would say during DVD Yeah yeah As someone who has eaten a lot of Taco Bell Taco Bell

In my life There is a distinction between them Look I know they're very different Isn't Del Taco more of a hard shell place? No It's not? I wouldn't consider it no In fact

I would say that Taco Bell does hard shell better. Wow. You know, you get your little party pack of for the Super Bowl and it's got all the, that's Taco Bell. You know who loves Taco Bell? Me. My mother. No shit. Maybe I ask her. You should ask your mom. What she orders from Taco Bell. I haven't called her in a while, so she's going to be really happy that I call, but this is not the circumstances that I think she... You're going to have to, hey, say keep it short. Hey. Hey. Sorry, I'm, uh, I'm recording something with Anthony. I had a question for you. Yeah. Um, I had a, I had a vague memory that you. You're you love del taco and like still sometimes eat it is that true

taco bell by the way i don't love del taco but it is true that sometimes i will give it a chance and try to go back and eat it to see if i like it and it's it's mainly taco bell i think i love taco bell and then i go back and i eat it and it's shit what do you like taco you don't like taco bell when you eat it i know but i think it's because of that stupid cheese and i think if i get something without the cheese that weird cheese that weird cheese so what do you get at taco bell when it's your order Well, the last time I got that, what was it? It was that double tulipa, something I rather.

Was it a cheesy gordita crunch or a chalupa supreme? Yes, yes, that's me. Cheezing gordita crunch. It's a great order. In one of the layers, it had that Delvita, like a movie shitty cheese. Yeah, yeah. And I wanted it, it tastes like chura. Oh, right.

Jesus. And what do you get when you go to Del Taco? If I ever get a del taco, it's usually because I just really just want, like, a bean and cheese and meat burrito, and I don't want to go the extra mile for Taco Bell, and I just crave it. Like, that one thing, it was fine. She said, she said, I don't want to go to Taco Bo, so I can go to El Taco. You see that? It's interesting. She raised me, so maybe why I think that way.

Maybe, yeah. Anthony was trying to say that Taco Bell is not an alternate option for Del Taco. Del Taco is, like, its own spiritual thing. and it was interesting that you you see them as different like one option or the other because I do too yeah well I think this is like don't talk those if I'm I'm being lazy about eating I'm really creating a simple taco or a simple bean and cheese burrito it's way cheaper than Taco Bell and it's just like I need to eat something now and I don't care about what I eat because I need to move on to my next thing let me ask you a question for me Taco Bell is like okay I'm going to give you one more chance to maybe believe in you

I have more faith in Taco Bell. Right. And then I get let down. And then I don't go back. I have a question. If Del Taco and Taco Bell are equidistant from you, they're the exact same amount of distance. She knows what equidistant means.

And you're hungry. And I'm hungry and I really don't want to be disappointed. And you, and which one do you choose? Okay. The truth of matter is, I'm going to choose Taco Bell because I think when Taco Bell hits, it has a potential to hit better than Del Taco. That's right. Higher variance.

The ceiling is higher. The ceiling is higher for what the potential expectation is. Wow. Wow. I really am my mother's son. I can see it in the way she explains. Mm-hmm. Well, thank you for that mother.

That's very helpful to our current adventure we're on. Okay, that's awesome. And I am looking forward to seeing your beautiful face on Wednesday. Okay. One more question. Yes. What is your favorite? French fry of any restaurant. Okay. So I am a not skinny, but not fast. I don't like steak fry. So it's

got to be a skinny fry that's soft on the inside and super crispy with some seasoned on the outside. I think it's going to be something like, it will come to my head as Islands did a really good fry like that. Um, Island. Island. Islands does a, I don't know, I've been there for like, I don't 10 years. Ten years. Your favorite fry is from 10 years ago? No, but I remember because a good fry, you know, good fry, you remember a good fry. You're right, it's true. It's true. It's true. Ma, I don't, like, islands, the restaurant islands, that's kind of like chilies, but it's like tropical themes, islands. It's really close.

So another good fry would be none of the fast food restaurants have good fries. None at all. None of them? Well, I mean, McDonald's, but that's. off the best fry. Okay. But it's the one that comes to mind. What about the shittiest fries are in and out. They're the worst. Wow. Because they expire two minutes after you get them and you so you have to eat them like before you drive out. They expire. It's very well put. She's right. Um, what do you think of the jack in the box curly fry? Too greasy. Okay. That's that monster taco with whatever that's mystery meat is in it. That's fire. She's vegan That's fire Wow

All right Well it's very helpful mom Thank you for answering the phone Okay well I appreciate it All right I love you I'll talk to you soon I love you too bye I go back to the podcast Which you guys really messed up today evidently

We messed up Did we? M280 off Oh my gosh I'm in the middle of it I'm laughing Yeah she's such a fan You're such a fan

Aw I am a fan And slime I love you I love you too Don't why don't do that Don't let you know Well we love each other You love him?

He's funny or he's funny? And I love her. I gotta go. I gotta hang up. I gotta go. Bye. She loves me. She doesn't love you.

And I love her. She doesn't know what love is. I'm a child of divorce. She doesn't know what love is. You know what this means? We love each other. No, you don't love each other. The staff is not involved.

There's no love happening. Me and Nick's mom love each other. And that's okay. Shut up, dude. Islands is funny. That's jokes, bro. Islands is insane. Have you ever been to an island?

No. Ever? It just sounds funny. And then the way. your reaction was funny. Islands is like, it is like a teaky themed chilies. And I've only ever seen like three of them. And they were like all in my hometown.

I've never seen one in L.A. But you know what, bro, she remembered it. Yeah. That is good. I know which one she's talking about. She's talking about the islands that is next to the Tilly's in Anaheim Hills. In the complex next to like the pavilions. Dude, it's crazy that she pulled that out of her ass.

What I like what I like about my mom is that she'll ask her question, like, where are the best fries? And she goes, yes. She takes a deep breath because she knows that that question requires, there's a levity to it. It requires a certain amount of thought to give a genuine, insightful answer. Yeah. Shake shack. You know what? This is, look, I have no great love for brands.

I have ordered Shake Shack, I think, twice, three times in the past couple months. It's just on my food algorithm. And I'm like, sure I'll try to eat. I don't fucking care. every time I've thrown up after. You throw, wait, how many times? Three. What, okay, so fool me once, right?

And the second time, you throw up again, you ordered it a third fucking time. Okay, you are a pig. You are a fucking fat pig. Let me explain myself before you start casting accusations. What do you order? Just a chicken burger and a normal burger. So two burgers. Shut up.

You ordered... You order... You order... You Uber... Islands! Jesus Christ. That is island. It's right here. That's crazy, it's right, it's right there.

I go to Shake-Shack. Oh, I don't go, I get it delivered. The first time, I just ate it too fast, and I got sick. This happens once in a while. Sorry, which one did you eat first too fast? I eat them both too fast. Oh, interesting.

You ate two burgers too fast. I did. You can never call me... Sometimes I'm too fast. You call me a fat whale so much. And I don't call you fat. Well, it's interesting that you're fat, but you also don't finish your burger.

How is that? I don't know, maybe it's the candy. I had to. I had to come to terms with the fact that it's true I don't finish my burger. And you fought and you kicked and screamed. And I fought and I kicked and screamed. And I realized that I actually have a reason that I don't finish the burger. And when I understood that there's a reason, I looked back in time and I realized, oh, I do it all the time.

What's the reason? You're not going to like it. It doesn't matter if I like it. I just want to know. I actually have a different reason nowadays. But my reason historically has been, I do this with drinks as well. It's just less noticeable with drinks. I want my last bite or sip of something I'm enjoying to be the best one.

Yeah, you've talked about this with drinks. So when I get to the end of a burger and there's no meat left and it's bun sauce lettuce and no meat because the meat was like smaller than the bun was. I just don't eat it because I'm like my last bite had meat in it and it was better. You live in a fantasy planet. What are you talking about? Your life can't be that. Why? Because things degrade.

Things change through time. No, you don't eat like me. I eat and every bite is a tactical decision. Okay. And by the time I get to the end of the burger, I go, as expected, I have saved the best bite for last. I mean, it's, look, but what do you do in the case that the middle bite of the burger is different from the beginning bite of the burger? You open E4. Of course.

Your opponent plays like, you know, night to, night to St.3. And then there's a refutation. There is a way you approach this. that has a pattern to it and you get to the end and you go, right, checkmate. This is all, this was all calculated. I mean, I'm not refuting you here. I think that's, I think there's merit. I'll say that, let me ask you a question.

And I feel like that maybe this is something you would never order because you have, you have internal rules that say, I'll never do that. Sliders. Sliders? What are, sliders are essentially, well, they're not, there are many burgers. Sliders are donut holes for burgers. Okay. So, how do you,

with your last bite, first bite theory, manage a slider. Slider is most likely because the patty, the part that you like the most, right, the only ingredient you could not remove and still eat this. Like you would not eat a ketchup bun lettuce thing

if it had no meat. Of course. If you're looking for a burger. Right? So the meat is the only thing you can't remove where you'll still eat it. If I get sliders, it's really going to come down to like I might leave a whole slider because I don't want to finish them. There's too many.

But I won't eat half a slider at the end. So, but that's not a, that's a hunger issue, not a last bite, first bite, dichotomy. This wouldn't be part of it. It wouldn't be part of it because the last bite would most likely be identical to the first bite. Okay. You know what I mean? So this concept doesn't apply to something like sliders. Doesn't, unless the sliders are made weird.

Like maybe they come out and over time they get really cold. And the last slider is cold, then I don't. I'm like, oh, I won't eat the last slider because my last one was hot. And I don't want my last slider to be cold. Do you find this perspective and this application and preference reasonable? Yeah, because I think at worst, it's wasteful. And at best, it's not getting extra calories for no reason. Sure. Richard is getting out of the car. I don't know who told him. What's happening, Richard? Richard, after permission. What's happening?

I quit. You quit? Richard quits? No! I can't drive a Lamborghini. I don't have the skills. I'm gonna crash it. I will crash it. We're gonna die. I'm gonna crash it on purpose. I don't think I can control it. You're not gonna believe this bro. Shake-shack is crinkle-cut fries. See? I knew this. I knew this and they have good fries. I think I know that girl. Let me tell you something. I miss your face one more time. These are more springy than I've seen in typical crinkle cuts. I can't see your face. On this planet.

They smell like a house. What is happening? Dude, it does. It's not the Lambo. It smells like house. What have everyone frying their... I do. Have I just never noticed it?

Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe it's the paper and the packages. No, they're all different, man. So interesting. I'm about to eat it. I'm about to eat it. Hmm. Whoa. There's a uniqueness here.

Mm-hmm. This is a unique fry. It tasted fries all day. This defies everything you said about crinkle cuts. Yes. It's like they've figured something else out about crinkle cuts. Also, what I'll say, shout out Shake Shack. For one, unrelated what I'm about to say.

They have probably the best milkshakes. Or, sorry. They have a top five milkshake. I won't say best. That's insane to say. But if you ever, if, for milkshakes that are available basically anywhere, Shake Shack is a very high quality milkshakes. Now, they're eyeing up the Lambo.

Happens. Happens when you're a billionaire. Now, Shake Shack is one of the only places I know that does a spicy fry. You can order spicy fries. Really? Yeah, and they come dusted with like a spicy seasoning. Wow. And they're very good.

And they come with like a spicy dipping sauce. Dude, I like these fries. They're good. I think the CEO of Shake Shack, you know, we're often at odds with the people that run the companies that we have to interact with. and that we have to deal with. And, you know, and yeah, maybe the Shopify guy said that everyone who makes a certain amount of income should have a slave. Right.

Maybe he said that. Yeah, and maybe the guy making the technology that has the frontier of the world right now that all investors in the world are all scrambling to get involved in. Maybe he, maybe he probably. Maybe he went to court for his sister. Probably did that. And he's the guy leading the technology that is going to control our minds. But at the end of the day, and we can just eat a good fry, and maybe we don't have to feel like, you know what, it's our responsibility as billionaires to make better decisions.

But for the every man who has to just get by, don't blame yourself for having a fry. Don't. No. Blame us. But I'm going to rank this one pretty high because it's a good fry. I'd like to place these into good goons. These are good goons. These are good goons.

These are good goons. I mean, I think there's an argument for goaded if there was a little more something going on here. Imagine a seasoning. Will you? They become goaded. I'm saying with the spicy seasoning, they become goaded. They also become goaded when you dip them, but that's not the spirit of the competition. We do have now the fucking most notorious, the most controversial.

Here it is. If you are from California, you know them, you love them, you hate waiting in line for them. If you aren't from California, you are often disappointed by your. first experience having them or blown away because you got lucky it is the in-and-out french fry oh my guys this is it this is everything this is the reason why you do things like this I used to date a girl who were to in and out I used to get fries free all the time first of all everyone in and out they fucking each other oh yeah all those employees are fucking they're undoing that little

safety pin in the back and they're getting then they're getting active okay it looks as if we've gotten a pretty fresh batch That's huge flash. Look at the... You can look at the glisten. On camera, they look unbelievably good. Richard, how's it going up there, bud? A little stressful.

Okay, well, I'm going to take... I'm a believer in and out, so I'm going to really pick my... I'm going to hand-pick my fry. Okay, me too. Rich, if a scratch comes to this Euras, I will kill you with my... It's your ass.

It's your ass. In-N-out, fry. Down the golet. It's... And let me, let me tell you something about myself. I grew up in Colorado. I grew up in small town Colorado. We didn't have In-N-Out.

In fact, the most exposure I had to fries was McDonald's fries and birken fries and Arbys fries actually. And I had this very normal look on fries. And then I came, like anyone else, you go to Vegas for the first time with your friends. They got in-out in-out in Vegas. Got to try it in-out. You've got to do it. You get the fries. Why are they like this?

Why do they feel like you're biting into sand? They do. And I like in and out just fine. You know what? In and out? They use pretty good ingredients. It's really affordable. That's why the fucking line is out the door.

But they feel like you're biting into sand. You're not going to like what I have to say. And that is bad. I've already had five. I can't stop. Why? This is the first time today I have been unable to stop. Maybe it's like beta kitten mind control.

Explain. Like in Eyes Wide Shut, when you swap fluids with somebody, you're trying to control them through beta kitten programming. Right, right, right, right. And stuff like that. And maybe you've been beta kitten programmed through your time growing up in Southern California. Have you had In and Out Fries better than this? My question. Without any Fiaxins?

Yeah, but no Fiaxon. No Fiaxon? No. No, bitch. So is this the ceiling? This is as good as it gets. Okay. So I actually think we rolled high.

Like, I think that this is a good in and out fry. I don't think it's the best in an out fry, but I think it's, we definitely rolled really good. I'll say this. There is a feeling that in and out gives me when I get their fries and their borgor. That I think, because they have... Take these away from me.

Because they have the tomatoes in the goddamn house and the potatoes and they fucking slice them up and they fry them right there. There's a purity in that idea where it's like, dude, this was a potato like five minutes ago and I think that's kind of cool because I think that the modern food environment

is just not really knowing where things come from unless you're eating whole foods. And I think about this shit a lot. Weirdly, I weirdly think about nutrition a lot for as a guy who's like not that healthy. And I think that's cool and so weirdly in and out gives me confidence

to allow the fry to feel like sand in my mouth because it was a potato just five minutes ago. And I think that's interesting. That's the best fry I've had today. What are you talking about? This is crazy. That's the best fry I've had today. I don't know what to tell you.

Why don't you describe why? I don't know. Because I don't think you can. I don't know what to tell you. It's fresh. It is highly addictive. I want more than one. It's got great.

It's got great tech. texture. It's got good oil. It's got good salt content. Every once in a while, you get a weird crunchy one. I like the randomizer. Nick, it's dry. Then what? It's not dry. That was the best fry I've had today. And I know I have somehow, you're going to get crucified daily forfeited my one time, if I may add. And I would, I would fucking stuff it in. I put the balls in two if you let me. I would, if you let me, brother, I would, I'd stuff my fucking legs, my nuts. I get it all in there if you'd let me but I can't I can't because we're outside the fucking zanku chicken and that guy murdered his fucking whole family and started zanku chicken that's the

story of that fucking place that's crazy murder his whole family and started jason these are so dry that I coughed on them Nick I don't know what to tell you man it's just that I know the in-and-out fries it's the best fry I had today I know I'm not gonna get through a vote on goaded zipper's nodding his head I think he fucking likes the fries you kidding I think he fucking likes the fries they were made we got a good batch we we rolled high today yeah but the best batch it tastes it's dry Like, I don't know how to tell you this that like, I'm a, I'm sensitive to wetness. Okay?

You don't have to know how to tell me. I could probably guess that based on a combination of variables. I just think I could guess it. And if I am considered some sort of subject matter expert on this, what are we doing? So what do you want to put, what category do you want to put them in? What are those girls, there's like filming a TikTok outside of the Zanko chicken? they're looking for the guy that killed his family. Yeah, I think it was one of the brothers of the Zanku family,

and now the franchise is fragmented. I don't know. Did you're cold already! There's very deep lore. No, that's part of my, that's part of my rating. All right, where would you put these then if you had to? A gun to your head. If you had a one time that you didn't lose humiliatingly earlier to five guys,

where would you put it? I don't think I would spend my one time. I think I would fight really hard to put them at the very, very, very top of high variance. because I think that's fair because you know what we got a good batch and you know what they are cold fast and you know what sometimes they just suck but today we got a good batch and they're hot and they're fresh and they're ready and they're little caesars and they're for you my argument right now is that if this is a good batch then this is like crazy like I I think tabahia variance is totally fine I think I can I can I can sign off on that confidently

I'm not going to say good goons because you know what The fry I had just now Is better than good goons That is a great fuck, it's a goat fry However, I know what it's like to go to In and Out And if me and the homies are hanging out And we're like, it's late night and we're like a little hungry Not we had a meal earlier, we don't need a full meal, we're a little hungry

I'm not going to be like let's go to In and Out and get some fries It's too risky It's way too risky It's like what your mom is saying about Taco Bell And you're very, very There's a gamble likely to get mid to bad goons. So I'm not going to even put it in good goons

because that's not what that is. It's not what that represents. But I will say they really wowed me today. On a day like this, what else could I ask for? Thank you so much in and out. And thank you for putting Bible verses on the bottom of the cup. It's so thoughtful of you. I was wondering when more places would start to do that.

And thank you for donating to those conversion camps because being gay is a choice. Alleged. Alleged. And keep the company private. I know there was probably pressure to make that shit public. Keep private. Keep control of the narrative, the gay narrative.

Isaiah 1452, Deuteronomy. And do unto the fries, you would do unto the burger. And do unto the guy. And then, and then he, capital H, and then he said, there were five. Yeah, that was excellent. I think that's going to go into high very. And I think I'm gonna have to go to the hospital after this. I feel fucking wild. I don't know how you are tanking this I feel like shit. I don't feel crazy I feel like shit I feel similarly to how I felt during the fast food challenge which makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's just salt. I think I think my body does not like a lot of salt. So we're at Popeyes right now. They have 449. That's the price cheese bites and then they have what I thought was like oat cereal like yeah, it does look like oatmeal. Yeah, it does look like oatmeal. Like glued to chicken with like using like a glue or a butter.

And it might be oatmeal. I know I've learned from working with food specialists that they often replace like, you know, you know in most. Oh, you mean for the shoot, the picture. Yeah. Yeah. You know that people, a lot of people know this fun fact, but usually for ice cream, they use mashed potatoes. No. Yeah.

I didn't know that at all. It scoops and it holds its shape, all shoot. Wow. Doesn't know. Dude, remember when we did the KFC shoot and we had like a food makeup guy? Yeah, it was a girl. I was a girl and it was funny because we shot that commercial for KFC

and I was like oh so cool working with such a big brand they're probably gonna send like the kernel or like a chef to like give us the right the perfect they just called the closest KFC to us and had them prep 15 of them yeah double downs double downs that was the most disgusting sandwich the double down was a crazy idea in American history if you don't remember this it was a sandwich where the bread was also chicken

it's double down they've doubled down on on the amount of chicken by replacing the bread with chicken. Do you remember how much a shoot cost? Yeah. The shoot was on 70? No, no, it was more. It was like 120 grand. 120 grand.

It's my most expensive shoot. To shoot a commercial that it was like TV. It was a waste. Well, was it? Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't a waste of experience, but it was it was just contributing to a digital landfill of marketing that I don't care to contribute to.

It was ultimately a wake up. cup call for me. Oh, great, Popeyes is here. Papa, love that chicken Popeye! Love your pussy from Popeyes and Red Robin Yum. Oh, more. That's what it says. Love that chicken Popeye. I've had Popeyes a lot,

but when I have had it, I'm pretty satisfied with it. I don't think a lot about Popeyes, I guess. People say it's the best chicken sandwich. You know, there were lines out the door and shit for the, they launched a chicken sandwich and there was lines around the block for it. Wasn't there like a thin meal?

Didn't Finna have a? Thinna did Popeye. Thinna! Thinna had your sandwich! I think Lacey was on that shit too. Dude. That, never mind. Can I get the Lacey's Pop-I meal?

No, no, no, no, small, small, small, small. No, no, no, no, no, no, I'll get small, I'll get a small, I'll get a small, I'll get a small. Oh my God. Those look seasoned. They look seasoned. They look crunchy. They look seasoned. You can see?

You can see the kernels. Hold on. You can see. The peppercorns. Look at the pepper on it. Look at the pepper corns on that. Hold on that. Hold on that.

Focus iPhone. You can focus. I. You can still kind of see it. You can see the peppercorns. There's very thick, juicy pepper veins. Yeah. They're coarsing.

They're really, really thin, which again, I'm a- And it smells like a house. I'm a thick fry guy. This smells, okay, can I be crazy for a second? This is the worst smelling fry since. It doesn't smell like food. It doesn't smell like food. This is actually making me not want to eat fast food forever.

This smells like an auto shop. You know what's funny? It's probably my favorite crunch of the day. It's a good crunch. It's an amazing. It's a really good crunch. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Let me get a really good one.

Guys, A-S-M-R. Listen to this shit. Hey? I hope that went through. I could hear it down here. Oh. Oh. What's wrong?

There's a cheese. I think I know what you're talking about. I'm getting a cheese. There is a spiritual... energy that is flowing through this fry and I didn't say it to cheese. It felt like a meat. It feels like these were in broth. Dude, there's like a broth. What a great way to put it. Right? It's like they came from, it's like they were fried in broth. In broth. There's a broth. There's a brothy fry. Dude, it, wow. I can't shake that there's a cheese. This smell is God awful. It smells like like trash, bro. It smells like a dumpster. It smells like a dumpster full of grease. Like the dumpster that you go, you smell. smoke cigarettes out and then you go back on your shift.

These are by far the most interesting fries of the day. These are interesting, man. I hate the smell, but I keep wanting to... The crunch is too good to not bite again. Listen to this. The flavor has a depth to it that is since today, almost a shake shack, but right now have been unmatched. Only can be described as a brothy cheese.

A cheesy broth, if you will. It's weird. It's so weird. You've got it. You've got it. You've got to try it because it's hard to explain. I really like these. I like them too. There is something in there.

They're far too, I don't know if decadent is the word. Decadent is a good word. They're rich. They're rich. They're rich. They are like savory taken to its limit. Yes. There is something that is too indulgent in these.

I'm eating them and each time I have one more, I go, that has to be the last. Like, I cannot eat another. And then I find myself eating just one more. And I'm like, that one. It's definitely the last one. Dude, these are, I mean, I don't know. I'm really surprised how good these are. You know what it reminds me of?

It's like eating cheese balls. Like you eat a handful of cheese balls and you go like, wow. You're trying like cheese puffs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you go, wow, like, this is crazy. Like they're so flavor packed and like it's like saturated and bad for me. I'll just have the one handful. And then you eat another.

Well, you know what they call it, the satiation response. Wow. Our brains, our brains tell us, you're satiated. Time to stop eating. things like potato chips, things like Popeye's fries, maybe they don't trigger association without you go keep eating. Highly palatable. The most interesting fry today.

Yeah, by far. And I want to finish it. I make this analogy a lot, but it's like in Futurama when fries eating the green slurm and he can't rip himself away if he has to save his friends, but he can't. Let's start at the bottom because they're not inedible. And let's go up one. They are definitely not, not sauce shovels. They're so amazing naked.

I wouldn't want to put a sauce on these. feel crazy. No, it would be unbelievable. It would- I mean, it's- Dude, it would be like, it would be like buying like a, like a, like a chocolate cake with chocolate icing and ice cream inside and then being like, you know what this needs? Chocolat syrup. It needs fun. It needs hot fudge. I can't know. It's already enough. High variance. I can't imagine these being high variants. Like, I think these are, this is what you're gonna get every time I think. Because of the fact that it smells like a dumpster, it implies that this is how it's always gonna be.

And they're bringing them up to a, they have to bring them up to such a high heat to, to calcify with the broth they're using to cook these, to calcify the pepper and they get that kind of crunch. It has to be such a high heat. I feel like it's so consistently going to be crunchy.

I mean, the question is goaded or good goons? I feel a little adventurous. This is an amazing fry. I would go to this Popeye's for the fries. Goat it or good goons. These are really good.

Wow. They're goaded. They're goaded. These are goaded fries. Something about this French fry shoot is going to come up and bite us in the nuts. Yeah, guys, really, I hate to break the fourth wall because you're enjoying this three-hour episode or whatever it is, but we did something bad. We did something bad. The Lamborghini got damaged.

This is not a joke. We did damage to the Lamborghini. And what that means is we're going to have to start cutting back around here at the yard. We have way too many purchases that we've sort of just been letting fly for the past couple months, years even. We looked up one of the rims, what they cost, and it's way too much money for us to be. We owe like 50 grand to this, an 18-year-old in a rough neighborhood in Los Angeles, and I'm going to start using rocket money to start to cancel some of our unwanted subscription services that we're using at the yard, because the guys don't know about this yet. It's bad.

It's really bad. The things we've been purchasing and signing up for, and subscribing for. It adds and adds to it. And I know we joke every time we do a Rock Money is like, oh. And if you weren't aware, by the way, rock of money is a personal finance out that finds and cancels all your unwanted subscriptions, monitor spending, and helps lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. And the yard savings is about to hit an all-time low after we pay off this guy. The Lamborghini Euris just costs a tremendous amount of money, and we damaged the one that we were driving. It was actually Rich's fault, which he will be

struck for this. He's going to be struck. Richard is, he's already been. struck by this time many, many times and we'll be in the rest of this episode. I would like to strike him again next time I see him around here wandering around coughing as he does. And I thought we could handle a mistake like this, but once I downloaded Rocket Money and looked at the finances, we have way more spending than I realized. And so we're going to use the Rocket Money tools to cancel all those. If you want to go to the same, let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals by going to RocketMoney.com slash The Yard and you can try for $0.00. That's RocketMoney.com to slash the yard. The thing is, Rocket Money, it's good that we have this tool available to us

before things got really, really bad. We're going to make it by the skin of our teeth. And they will not find out about Richard. Richard will be struck to and fro and Rockin Money can do nothing about it. I'm going to strike Rich more times than I've done most things in my life. And you're next. I want to kill those. I need to. They get better with time. But you know what we can. No, we can. We've got to be strong. Because we have time. No! Wait, you're holding two though. Thanks, bro. That's a nice thing you've ever done. Guys, I don't care of a fuck.

It's Tommy's. It's Tommy's. If you remember from the fast food, Archie, put up a picture, a screenshot of the Tommy's food right here, the thing we were served. Go on any website

that shows you what Tommy's food looks like, and then just post it next to what usually happens. They've crafted the science. You know, it's like, is it cake or is it not cake? Meme Jimmy Kimmel. Yeah. They've crafted that science with,

is it poop in a diaper? Or is it a burger? Or is it a burger you bought? And you actually don't know. You don't know. This looks like the twin cell sword from Dark Souls 3. It does, yeah, yeah. It looks like one of them.

They're very thick. What I'm trying to say is these are like house fries. You buy them in the orida bag, like the crinkgo cut ones. Get them the fries. Your mom makes them. If you're getting the yellow paper, you know you want ketchup. So I'm interested to see if these are going to be good alone. I'm immediately transported to a bowling alley.

Immediately. These feel like bowling alley fries. I think that's a great way. But not, I know we said this earlier. Bowling alley fries, convention center fries. Convention center fries has to be the worst kind. These are, these are conventions that are fries. No, bro.

They are. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. They are. They are. Listen, take a bite. Maybe they're the freshest convention center fries possible. Do me a favor. Take a bite.

When you feel the innards, let the potato sit and play a little. Don't, don't swallow. Let it play a little. Let it play. And just just. Let it play. Take in how little. is going on and how it's actually kind of just like a net negative on your body play it around

let me get play there's nothing there's nothing there's nothing there's nothing there's nothing there uh which we've taught we've actually criticized a lot of fries today about this but there's a particular vacuousness to the tommy's fry and to be fair to them their ethos is you take the diaper and you dump it like that's what they want you to do they want you to take their gross disgusting rotten chili diaper dump and they want you to pour it on this shit and then and then you get a fork and you like put your hand in it and you eat it with your hands you get all your mouth and then and then you sell it on only fans or some shit yeah right like that's what they want tommies we don't make the diaper we just pooping them i think to be a little fair to tomies i would like to place this

in the very bottom of sauce shuffle because i don't think they're in edible i don't think so i'm not grossed out by these they're they're boring as fuck they are not good i would never order them again But, but, but, if I'm at a convention center and fries were, I can't, I can't face a fucking hot dog, I can't face a burger, I'd get these and put ketchup on them, whatever. Convention center fries are usually marked by being out very long and they're in that little glass, like, heated door. Yeah. And then that is what makes them truly inedible, like, slop horrors. Right. This feels as if, oh, the Carl's dreams right here.

This feels as if these are the best version of that and it's not the craziest worst thing in that. world. Because this would hit with some ketchup. No, I see that. I agree with that because at the very least, they came from a restaurant that made them when you ordered them. Yes, exactly. Anyway. And here we are at Carl's Jr. Can I get a small natural fries and a small waffle fries? Okay, thank you. Thank you. I'm also in a Lamborghini if you care. So something about Carl's Jr., and I sound off in the chat if this happened to you, because I'm 36. So there's like an age thing here. Bam.

I grew up, shut. I grew up. I grew up in Colorado wouldn't have Carl's Jr. But the commercials for Carl Jr. touted it as a

premium burger spot. Big burgers, big, big bun lettuce, big drippy, drippy burger for you. And they had the awesome hot,

big breasted woman on the car wash, right? I believe, yeah, it was the, like the sauce got down there.

Uh-oh, I guess there's sauce on my fucking aeriola. No, I'm thinking of saving Silverman when he feeds her the Arby's and it gets in

Amanda Pete's breasts and then he has to touch it. It's an amazing scene. When I finally got to a Carl's Jr., I had to be like, is this premium? And I get here and it's fast food slop. It's basically McDonald's, but most of the time worse. Yeah. It isn't a very interesting burger taste, though. They have created a corner of the burger market that tastes only like Carl's Jr.

Oh, man, my fucking head. I feel terrible. I feel crazy and I feel terrible. I feel terrible too. Oh. What is it? It just looks like... When you open the bag and it's still fries?

You smell it. Yeah. It's like SpongeBob's breath coming at you. Dude, I just inhaled like the exhaust coming off of those. Yeah, it's hot. And I honestly, I got like bummed out. I was like, I'm going to have to eat another fry. And I'm trying not let that like influence my rating.

Okay, well, we got two. We got the waffle fries and we got the normal fries. Here's the normal fries and these are piping hot Motherfucker, okay? They're just straight out. It's literally burning my fingers. I can see this the I can see the smoke and that's good. You know you want them to serve you the hottest fry in the planet and they're very greasy Super greasy. All right one bite. You know the rules. I mean These are kind of shitty. They're shitty, yeah. They're just shitty.

I don't have to say. They're shitty fries. They're shitty fries. These are, I'll say this. These are fries I don't think I would want to finish. Like, if I'm starving, maybe, but like... This is a soft shovel and move on angle. I'll show up and move on.

Is it anywhere near an edible? No. No, it's not an edible. It's just boring. It's like, these is what I imagine the Tommy's fries would taste like if they were thin instead of thick. Like, they're only better than the Tommy's fries because they adhere to what fast food fries are trying to,

Yeah, what we commonly consider a fast food fry. That tastes in it right now, if you imagine a fast food fry in your head and you allow that thought to permeate to your nose and you smell it for a moment, that is the worst version of that is what these tastes like. Yeah. It's pretty, yeah, it's pretty bottom of sauce shovel. Yeah, it's, yeah, it's at the bottom for sure. I mean, but Tommy's is probably the very bottom.

And now we gotta do the, the, what is it, crinkle cut? Do you know, crisscross? What they call? These are waffle fries. Waffle fries. And guess what? They're big and it's hot. That's a big ass fry. I do. Can I be vulnerable? I love waffle fries. I love the format. I love the size. I love taking a bite out of one and then having to finish it after. That's fun.

Yeah, it is fun. It's fun to bite into something that has so many lines. Oh my god. It's why I like the curly cue, the spring. The spring is so nice. Because there's so many lines to part to p to be to be something they said in the Halloween episode, it's like, dude, these guys are fucking ho-autistic. It's like, bro, just, just, not every kid kind of like play? Every kid must play. Every kid plays. And when you grow up, you're just a kid still playing. Right?

And so you can, I think it's okay to admit you like biting into lines without being called autistic. I think neurotypical people for also like waffle fries. And maybe they're just not able to explain it as cleanly. When I meet someone and I'm like, hey, remember when you, when you eat string cheese as a kid and you would peel off each of the four corners first and you'd eat them separately and then you eat the string cheese. It's so much more interesting when someone goes, dude, of course,

or they finish your sentence for you, they know what you're going to say. Yes. Then to be the guy who goes, I never get that. Like, what? That's weird. What? You're weird. No, I just ate it. No. Oh, I'm going to kill myself in a field because I don't know any, I don't think about anything deeply enough. I can't find my life fulfillment. I can't realize or figure out why. I can't rewatch Rick and Morty enough time to feel anything, so I'm going to kill myself in a field. That's what you sound like. Okay, bye. Take a big fat one.

I don't think I had an option. God damn. That shit is a cookie. This one's a cookie. All right. I mean, yeah. Zippers get a piece of all these. I mean, yeah. Look, here's a mistake that you don't want to see. Look at how wet my finger is from the grease. They're wet.

All right? I don't like that. I mean, I know I'm a five guys guy, but like, I got limits, bro. It's a little too greasy. It tastes like a waffle fry or a curly fry, like that seasoned fry genre should. But there is a, there is a dirtiness to it. There is, yeah. I taste that.

And I don't like that. And it is it... It's burnt oil. That's what it is. Yeah. Damn. At Wendy's right now, they got the pretzel bacon pub. I think it was super T.F.

He was on stream. He's like, oh, dude, I think they got the pretzel burger back at Wendy's or something like that. That's a guy who needs Hello Fresh. You know what I mean? It was designed for that guy. If he didn't, like, have his family cook for him, then I think he's in real crazy trouble, nutritionally. I think his bones start to contort in crazy ways. Where do we rank the waffle fry?

I think the, okay, I love waffle fries, I love what they're doing here. This is grossing me out enough to where I don't want to touch it anymore. And I'm not saying that because I'm eating fries all day, because I think I can, I think I'm a fry guy. But I would be so far as to put this in like nasty and edible. Because it's so greasy. I really don't like the grease. It's bothering me. Because they're not sauce shovels because there's fucking waffle fries.

Dude, can I give you a fucking... They're going to hate this controversial answer. They're going to hate it. Everyone's going to hate it, but I think it's for the best. I think they're close enough to sauce shovel that we should just put them in sauce shovel, and then we can just put one instance of Carl's Jr. on the tier list.

Makes it so much cleaner. Yeah. Like, to me... I don't hate that. If you gave me ranch with these, I'll eat them. That's fine. I don't hate that. I think that's fine.

If I seriously thought they were gross, I would toss them in an edible. I would never look back. But they were what I expected. Yeah, this is just consolidation of data and information. Wendid. To the mega bag you go. Okay.

It's the bacon, the home of the baconator. Wendy's. Guys, we're rounding the three hour mark on our recording. That is crazy. Which is kind of funny. That in the middle of a little liberally. Really hot. And there's a darker tint.

Oh, very interesting color. None of this is translating the camera. I don't feel. Actually, that one looks like it's translated. I observe the tent. They were our golden brown. If I was making french fries at home and I took them out and it looked like this, I would think I had done a good job. I told my girlfriend we were doing this and she said you gotta like get the Wendy's. She like, it's like your guilty pleasure. She swears by the Wendy's. Okay, if I squeeze this, I bet I could get juice to come out. It's grow. It's so wet.

It's really wet. It's a wet fry. You know, there's a difference between heat wet, like five guys. I shouldn't say that. I mean, it's grease. in the bag. Does not, does not smell like a house. I don't know why it just doesn't feel as greasy. I'm really pleasantly surprised. It does not smell like a house. It does smell like a fry. Here's what, here's what my analysis. It's trying to be Popeye's fries. Whatever it's using is just way less. It is trying. Zippler said the building was the saddest I went into today. Type one reason why you think it was sad in there. What was the one, what was one reason you think it was sad? They're all right. right. I feel like Christian. They're all right.

I mean, what else am I going to do? I mean, I got fries. I got fries. It's pretty chill. My Christian's slowly going to get better. I'm going to master Christian. His room is... Dude, he messaged me on Discord, and he was like, I re-watched Ludwig doing my room tour on stream,

and I saw you were the only one sticking up for me in chat, and I appreciate that. I'm, of course, bro. I'm not lying to you, bro. I'm about this shit, bro. I just touched my own hand and there was like a, there was like a, like, like an oil. Like a transfer of oils. I hate that. I really don't.

This is really gross. And they're failing to be Popeye's. I'm fucking disgusted by that. Don't copy the goats. Yeah, I mean, I think this is just like. They're not inedible, though. Yeah, it's just, it's just a saw shovel. There's another Lambo.

You know what I'm, oh, hey, fellow billionaire. Hey, bro. Hey, fellow billionaire. Hey, bro. Um, you know what, you know what? kind of realizing as we as we get through this tier list is most fries aren't very good okay explain what you're trying to say we're putting quite a lot in sauce shovel most fries are just a vehicle for sauce I'm realizing at these fast food

restaurants I think sauces do contain more of the nutrients that we've wanted to touch with our tongues yeah so your your theory here is that fries exist to put sauce into our mouths and when a fry goes above and beyond yeah It defies expectations. Yeah, because the expectation is a very middling one. Right. Which is not a good thing to be as a food, right? Like, what do we, you know?

I mean, in my head, people say things all the time. They say, like, how could you do it? Like, French fries were just the best, you know, like potatoes are the best food ever because they become so many different awesome things we love. And I'm thinking about it and I'm like, not that many French fries that I'm like, really, I love the way I love other foods.

It was important for us in this tier list to put sauce in there. to talk about sauce. Right. Because it's ketchup and sauce or whatever, because it's like, it's just such a crucial part of the fry experience in general. And I,

and what I'm trying to say is I implore you to think about fries without sauce yourself. And furthermore, is that even relevant if we always have access to sauce? Maybe it's not. And maybe this video can be a proof that it isn't important.

I don't know. When you think about, if you are Wendy's, right at some level you've got secret ingredient you've got a way you do things you got what separates you from the McDonald's from the Popeyes but at a more important level i think you have the cost of materials the cost of overhead what are we going to spend this year on potatoes on oil on salt what farms do we get them from to minimize that price as much as possible yeah and when every restaurant is fighting all together to minimize the cost and up the profit i feel like

we're all going to be pointed towards a lot of the same places like this farm in Cambodia that uses child labor is the cheapest by a lot and we all get the same golden potatoes from them and at some level I think they're cutting corners to differentiate by including harsher and different spices and oils that's where I mean that's where the difference gets made right right it's like is the seasoning and many of the bad fries or boring fries I think aren't caring to play the game. They aren't, they aren't. They're saying you like fries enough to buy fries. You'll eat potatoes with salt that are fried. And I think that's why in and out becomes a sort of centralizing fry discussion point is because,

for one, the contrast between the burgers and the way the fries are perceived in, in and out itself, but also the fact that they are, it seemingly, not giving the attention to fries, that other places might be. It's a no gimmick fry. So it's McDonald's to an extent. McDonald's feels like a no gimmick fry, and it's what we also base everything around. You know, no matter how California you might be,

McDonald's is the fry that you're comparing all the other fries towards. Richard, you have to know. Richard does not know where we are driving ever, and then when we arrive, he is as surprised as we are. It is so interesting. He is like the opposite of a chauffeur.

He's like, I'm going to take you somewhere, Why does he never fucking Richard? I'm gonna s-vlog you. You will be struck today. You will be struck. And it will come at a random time that you do not expect. You want to know when the striking is coming. We need a better car.

We need a better car. We need a better car. What are you talking about you? We let you get whatever you wanted, Richard. We could go as fast as humanly possible anywhere. One of the options we had available to us was a stretch limo with the American flag painted all over it and all over American. I was like, I want that badly, but it won't fit in.

drive-thrus. Dude, we're in an airfield. What are you doing? Richard! We got a fly for this one. Yeah, we had to fly. Me and Anthony last night, 4 a.m. Just playing Krillian. We were trying to nail the Krilliat. We're trying to get a 400. Dude, we got, we, what? We hit four what? It's like 4.10. 410. We got two golds. That's the first time I've ever seen one gold. We got two. Yeah, I was on an unbelievable crazy heater with my deep knowledges. Krillian is bullshit, though. There's so many words that just aren't in the list that totally worked. There was one that was like, name of type of door. And you look through the ones that it would accept and they're the most crazy like you're just saying a word and then jiggle snarf

I'm like that's not a door no it was more like it was more like gun door Ah, and it's like I don't think it meant the actual door of a gun maybe it did I don't know it was annoying It was annoying how many answers they take and then you throw up 10 points and you're like I guess I'm fucking idiot I guess We are at Fat Burger? No Skip. Skip? We're by the airport who eats fat I don't know Wait zipper said zipper enthusiastically pointed himself and said I eat fat burger The car has insisted that we try fat burger I've never I've seen the logo many times driving around living here

I've never eaten out of fat burger never this bag is piping fucking hot It is greasy as all get out these this is a new shape a new shape is a new shape is a new shape We have a new shape I've never seen this shape okay zipper's like I knew this would happen what is the Let me guess. Wow. I don't know. What is shape? I don't even know how to guess.

Oh my goodness. Look at this shape. Look at it. It's like a geometric, it's like a Valeran map. Hold on. Wow. I need one. I need to hold it.

Well, there you go. It's like a box cutter. Dude, it's, ow. Ow, dude, it's hot as fuck. I'll suffer with you. Dude, it is so. It is so hot. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

It is literally so hot. Why? I'm thinking about it. Don't! That's scary! Inedible. Inedible? Yeah.

It's pretty bad. Dude, what the fuck? I immediately, I will not have another. No, that was gross. It tastes like you would use it to like send a package. It's pretty bad. It's fucking terrible. Wow.

It is like unbelievably terrible. In zipper insisted. We got to save zipper. Zipper's, diet is fucked up. Yeah, you've been eating shit like this? I mean, okay, look, not to be difficult, but it's like, it's what a sauce shovel kind of literally is. Like, do you? I don't go to fuck what the shape is. That is disgusting. I wouldn't eat that with sauce. It's insulting to make a fry that big when it's that bad. It's really, you know what? And I'll say this, dude,

I think this is the purest, like, version of a potato that we've had today. It's just eating a potato. It's like, it's closer to an unseasoned, unsalted potato that you could ever get, but also comes with like a dire consequence. All right, well, they have normal, they have normal fries too. I would like to modify the inedible category a little bit. Okay. By title. What do you think about saying wasted calories slash inedible?

So it encompasses when when they're literally inedible, but it also encompasses when it's like this was such a waste of eating. It's not worth it at all. It's not worth indulging in fries. You might as well get a salad. Because even a potato pure with nothing done to it is not inedible. So it's like hard, you know, they make it inedible by making it gross with stuff they add. So there are examples like this where it's not inedible.

It's just like such a fucking waste. All right. So here's a normal fry for you. Like whatever though. I don't even. It tastes like a vegetable. Like it tastes like a celery. It's just really weird.

It's really weird that it tastes like this. What the fuck is this? I guess it's the same. It's nothing. different here. It's a little more salty, I think, because there's more of like, there's more stuff for the salt to coalesce around rather than being this like plain, kind of like even plain of salt. Man, it's weird because I'd probably put this one in soft shovel and I'd probably put the other one in wasted calories. But it's like, do we really want to give fat burger two

spots? No, we don't. It is interesting though. Maybe we review just off the fat, the fat fry at the The fat burger. The fat fry. I mean, look, we can put them, we should separate it to be fair. Um, we can just separate it. Okay. But one of them we didn't, which I don't care about either. We'll just not, we do what we want. We're billionaires and we're entrepreneurs. We're billionaires and we can do anything we want and you will just listen. We're literally going to pick up Kevin O'Leary after this. You are my drinking. You're going to go drinking and then we're going to pitch them on our idea that we've been working on for a long time. That place is just called Pizza Loca. And it had the Pizza Hut logo. I like that. This made me.

not miss the fast food challenge. Like, I feel a similar way and I'm like, I don't want to do that. I mean, you miss doing something fun and crazy. Yeah, but not that. It was interesting because of the suffering. Right. I still remember, it doesn't take a lot for me to remember how it felt, like physically, like go back to the moment where I was like, no more. No more. I think this is actually a good thing to do once a year because it makes me really turned off by this kind of food. Like, this is really gross to me out. I don't think. I think I'll have french fries for a while. You know, the other night I was like,

the Lord was testing my will. Because I've been trying really hard to, like, eat way healthier and, like, eat less. And I just want to talk about so bad last night. Like, so bad. And you know what I did instead? I drove to 7-Eleven and bought pickle bites. Because you know how many calories are in the 7-Eleven pickle bites,

like the cold ones in the refrigerated part? 85. Zero. You burn more calories than you do eating them. That is pretty unexpected. That's wild. But it's also... So it's a pickle?

It's fiber. It's like a chopped up pickle in a little cold bag. Okay. And it's got like vinegar and you eat it. Nice. And then it's a salty little nice awesomeness. And it's like, it's been my hack. It's been my hack for instead of a crunch rep supreme, I get the pickle.

You know what the hack is to pretty much never eat Taco Bell? Is regulate your sleeping schedule and eat. and eat dinner at 8 p.m. I only ever order Taco Bell because I'm able to logically justify that I technically didn't eat my second meal today and I forgot to eat and now it's one and nothing's open. This is the only time I eat it ever.

It's funny because I don't eat Taco Bo. Sorry, I don't order Taco Bo. You walk. I don't walk, I drive. You drive. I make the journey. That's good. It's good to accompany a journey with it.

I think I actually have this internal rule that I'm realizing I've been following is where I don't... Wow, Diesel's 8.50 a gallon. Where I don't... Oh, wow, it's fucking high as shit. I don't order fast food. I make the journey to fast food

as a sort of a penance for choosing fast food. Oh, the only fast food I've, like, pretty much ever ordered is Taco Bell. Because it's, like, late as fuck, and I'm not trying to get in the car. Dude, who is Teobok talking to on that mural? He was, like, on the phone with somebody.

Oh, man. Dude, we are getting fucking owned right now. by emergency services. I bet it's not big of a deal. I bet where they're going to do that fucking that big of a deal. Do you think you can do shit like this basically forever? Or do you think you are genuinely affecting your life expectancy? Oh, way, bro.

People do meth every once in a while. But they die early usually. Not if you do it every once in a while. That's what like big meth won't tell you. It's like you can do it every once in a while. It's just that it's really hard to control that. Like big meth would love to tell you that. Big meth would be like, do it every once in a while.

I'm not bad. Big meth, loki, it does say that, you're right. Doing something like this every once in a while does not harm you in the way that like long habits will do it. That's why sitting in a chair all fucked up, it's kind of annoying for a day, but if you do it for a year, now you get back problems. This is how I've worked. Oh my tummy, man, it's starting to actually make sharp pain. Just hold strong, bro. I'm trying, but Richard insists on taking us to Kane. He insists.

Richard has put us in his torture, his torture Lamborghini. And he's torturing us. Oh, Richard, make his stop. And he knows that I'll be too sluggish to strike. Oh, it was his plan all the long. I will be able to strike him. His plan all along, Richard, I want to hit you, but I can't reach you. We should arm rich.

Like, we should train rich in, like, weaponry. Yeah, I think it's. good. Just in case we run into any weird yard fan. Like we need Rich to be able to handle himself and and protect us. You know what I mean? I think that's important for us, obviously, but also for him. Yeah, Rich, you know what? Is he unfair. Have you ever, do you own a firearm? He does not. No. We should make Rich learn Krav Maga. And he should have to legally register his fists as weapons. my butler, Richard, he knows Krav Maga. You know Krav Maga is a holy Israeli fighting style.

No wonder it's illegal to have those weapons on your person. It's an Israeli fighting style? Grav Maga. What does it, what does it, you know, it's not a grappling? I don't know much past that. I can't lie to you. In my head, Krav Maga is just a way to punch really hard. I know, because what more can you be doing with your hands?

Well, there's grappling and there's kicks and there's punches and there's... Fighting styles are based on what types of things you're willing to do with your body and what tactics you center on. You see how fast you got to punches? Yeah, I mean punches, look, no one is like abstaining from punches. Kickboxers. You still box. Yeah, I thought maybe I'd get you on that. I thought maybe you'd think it was only kicking for a second.

I'd be like, wow, well played. Oh, we are at Keynes. Is this the one with a crazy mural that we went to during the Fast Food Challenge? I think it is. The murals right there. Show hey. And there's a liquor store across the street. Yeah, I remember all this.

There is the mural. Shohay O'Time. We kind of just farm the San Fernando Valley, don't we? You're our little content slut, aren't you? Aren't you, Richard? Richard's not our slut. No, he wasn't talking about you. Careful, it's a Lambo.

Lamborghini mercy. French fries all day hurt me. Oh, we have to talk to a man. They see you in the back and he thirsty. First guy, which man we talked to. Hi. Good. Can I just get... You only got the normal fries, right? Crinkle cup fries?

That's all I want, bro. Just order fries. You check us out. We're driving around trying to find all the fries and taste them. This is full of fries. Look at this. Damn! Isn't it crazy? Yeah. Are those wedges too?

Yeah, they're from like 12 places. And this is our last stop. Do you like the fries here? Do you like the fries here? I love the fries here? I love the fries here, okay. I put extra fries on mine, so. Oh, 30 days a total.

So you don't want no ketchup printing like that? No catch up. That's part of the rules. Oh, shit. Yeah. I gotta go, both. Thank you. Thank you.

Nice young man. It was cool I got to show someone the fry bombs. It'd be cool if you held it out the window and threw up on them. I'm so sorry, let me clean it. A hundred fingers. Guess how much it is, don't look? A hundred fingers cost?

Yes. You can buy a hundred chicken fingers Um, 5999. Higher. $89.95. $160. More than a dollar a finger? For a hundred.

Yeah, that's Trump. Thanks, Trump. Thanks, Trump. He shot a missile at the Ayatollah because Benjamin Netanyahu told him to do so. Yes, right. And now we pay that much for a hundred chicken fingers? Oh, we're on the curb.

This car doesn't seem big enough to warrant how afraid you are, Richard. Oh. This car is the size of my car. Well, after being in a Lamborghini all day, we have been mind controlled. How? I would be bored of this car the day after I bought it. Yeah, I mean, we're not driving it, though. Driving it is the true pleasure.

The sweetest pleasure of it. It doesn't, it's to operate it. It doesn't feel more expensive in here, though. This seems like if you look at all of it, it's like, I can see a Kia having this layout. Yeah, I mean, what is it supposed to be like back here? screens and shit like a B-YD maybe the bends has a fucking massage seat in it

really yeah and like I expect some bullshit if I'm paying what does this car cost you think dude it's got to be like over 100 you look up how much it costs Lamborghini Eurish 2025

I guess is 185k I guess is a hundred and forty five K you went lower I think this is an expensive car Yeah, this is like $3 million car, no, no, not $250K. I'm gonna get $185K. I'm seeing my guess.

Dude, the base trim is $250. Damn! That's fucking crazy. That is not worth it. It goes up to $375,000. It's not worth it at all. You haven't drove it! You're not a true driver!

I've been in it all day. You didn't drive it! Richard drove it! Is it worth it to you? And he wants to hurt us now. Is it worth it to you? I don't think it's worth it. But I think it's foolish to judge the worth of a car

if you have not operated it. That's all. But you said you don't think it's worth it. You judged it. You judged it. You haven't driven it. Yeah. But I'm keeping that in consideration.

I'm suffering. And Richard is just watching. Richard's plotting his... Richard's plotting his escape. That's what we should be talking about. Richard thinks that we won't discover him leaving. Richard doesn't know that while he was sleeping, we tagged him like a deer. Richard doesn't know where we put the chip.

Richard, we put a chip in. Uh-oh. You're gonna have to dig it out with a knife. You're gonna dig it out of a knife. If you wanna get out. And we also put fake chips in, so if you find one, you don't know what's real. Yeah.

That's right, Richard. I just say, I fall asleep while saying that. I'm like, Rashar, you're fucking kill you. Guys, we have the last bag of fries. We had the last bag of fries, and then we're fucking done. And we're only two guys. And we're only two guys.

But we're fry guys. I've never seen this. Did they switch from paper to plastic? Is that plastic? This is new. Maybe it's like, oh, that's interesting. Let's open her up. And it says, live like a caniac.

One fry, that's the one fry. Oh, and the girls are looking, uh-oh, the girls are looking at the Lambo. Oh, they're looking at the Lambo. Hey, ladies. Ladies. Went some fries, ladies. All right, crinkle cut from.

This is Keynes. Now, Keynes, famously. The cane sauce is what you go for. The cane sauce. You have chicken and you get the sauce. It's a shovel for the cane sauce. Maybe it'll outlive the expectation. I'm going to take a bite.

I'm a burgundy high. Not as crunch as I thought. Boring. It's a pretty livable crinkle cut. Boring. I think it's the best crinkle cut of the three we had today. Naked. No, Shake Shack.

What are you saying? You're losing your mind. I'm losing my grip on reality and all the things I believe in. Sauce shovel for cane sauce. Next. We came all this way for that To prove that it's just a soft shovel for cane sauce and that proves it is a fucking mid ass fry Crinkle cut is fucking mid

I'm tired of lying Let me tell you this then if you're listening in the fucking chat in the chat That was in the shot for one number two If you think crinkle cut is more than a sauce shovel I want you to explain why you think that and I don't want you to sound like an asshole either because I'm not coming at you I just want to know what you think sometimes people get like real fucking crazy in these these comments about this and it's like look if you feel attacked that's fine but this particular discussion is about what you feel as a crinkle cut enjoyer that's right

and I believe it's just a sauce shovel that's what I believe will you change my mind will you try guys we're gonna leave the tier list to use for this video in the comments section I implore you to try making one yourself maybe if you're Patreon sub, drop it in the Discord. Maybe if you use the Everything app, you can post it there. Pose it wherever you've, wherever goons are found. If you're an audio listener and thought this was pretty much the worst week ever of the show,

that's on us. But we hope to see you again in the Patreon episode. It can't be worse in Hong Kong. It just can't be. Yeah, there's just nothing helping you there. We hope to see you again next week. And if not, it was fun while it lasted. Remember the good times that we did have together.

That's been the Yard podcast this week. It's very long one. And the only two winners of the goaded category are Taco Bell Nacho Fries and Popeyes. Yeah, man. Really? If you would have shown me that going into this, I would have been like, that's not me. That's not, this could never be my list. The shit they're working on at Taco Bell and Popeyes, they're truly engineers.

Five guys. Fuck you, man. You put it and goaded. That's so, after you had those fries, you still think it's goaded. I love those fries. You're using your one time for that. I'm not like capping. I'm not like doing this to fuck with you.

I believe in what I'm doing and saying. I just do. I love five guys. Burgess and look at me and tell me you did not put it in Goda despite me. Tell me it is not good goons. Okay, listen. Are you serious, bro? You have to listen to me.

The Popeyes one changed us and you're going to put it in that fucking category. I love those fries. They're goaded to me. You have to understand that we use our one times. They aren't to inflict damage on each other. It's to sell. celebrate and raise up our beliefs above all else. It's bullshit that I lost mine.

Why is it bullshit? I should get a one time. We played it out. You don't just get to like, you need to use it up. Alright, fine. Where would you put your one time? We can change this. I don't care. It's not like you can nullify my five guys. So fucking do it then.

I think it's fine. I care too much about the integrity of the list. I care too much. We always do it one time. Literally. the only we always do it the only smudge on this list is five guys it's the only one but it's not a smudge all the way because i believe it's the best and i you have to hold that because if you think something is the best i will be like i fucking disagree and i think you're crazy but it's like yeah okay he

believes in something and i i extend that to you and you don't extend that to me but the thing is like the reason why the reason why i'm so mad about five guys burgers and fries is that being a boy from California, the conversation is five guys versus in and out. That's the conversation. And on my tier list, when I went out and tried all of them, I'm saying five guys won. And I hate that because that is the conversation. All the other fries are just, they're along the path. That is the conversation and I have to sit here and I gotta be like, five guys burgers and fries. What does it mean to you? What does it mean to you that one of your best friends who got crazy answers on the Krillian last night?

night thinks that five guys is better what does that mean to you I'm not I'm not following sheep shit I'm do I'm following my nose means you're lost in the sauce you think I'm lost I think you're lost you think I'm lost and you're not lost but at the same time you've got no sauce you're lost you're lost you also get lost in the sauce I think it's I think we got to get out of here I think we just got to end this because we're definitely gonna have to like I'll let you bro fistfire it's what would you put on your All the sexual energy that's clearly between us out.

Oh, we're fucking after this. We're fucking after this. I'm gonna suck it off the bone. It's gonna smell like a house in the house. Love it with me. We put a slime-shaped asterisk on five guys on the tier list. You are so, and I get it. Like you want the historical record to show.

That's exactly what I want. You know exactly what I want. I think that's totally fine, though. All right, deal. All right. Deal, I don't need anything else. Good Goons. W. Goons, we'll see you guys next week.

Thank you.