The Yard - Ep. 27 - Why Ludwig's Mom Hates Nick

Episode Date: January 5, 2022

Tally ho, Gamers. Nick returns from having the gross thing for another episode of YARD TIME. The boys exchange Christmas gifts, Nick recounts his time in his room for 12 days straight, and Ludwig gets completely owned by a pilot.

I don't like sick. That's right. That was the end of that? I don't like sick. You finished that sentence? Yeah. I can say it again. It's just the inflection was weird.

I don't like sick. You said it like best box now. I don't like sick. You said it like best body now. I don't like sick. That's me being slime. I like it. Hold on, hold on. Oh, I get it.

This is what it's like. If you liked slime's impression, you're going to love this. Can I get more of that real quick? I, I, no. Hey, slime, get down here right now.

I don't like it. All right, man. Oh, I like, you sounded like Charlie Day, actually. You did, yeah. What are you talking about? I love playing piano. That's about Charlie Day. Yeah.

Welcome back to the yard, post-dinosaur era. Who are you? Yeah. What the fuck did you do with the dinosaur? I'm your boy. Oh, well, here's the thing. It was floating up there, so I killed him. What?

Surely you have a funny joke ready. Ludwig, look. Oh, well, here's the thing. It was floating up there, so I killed him. What? Surely? No, look. It's about over there. You have a funny joke ready? Ludwig, look. I mean, like, you spent the whole week off. You have, like, a good one-liner for us? No, I mainly just hurt.

Because I just, like, I checked the episode out. I didn't watch the whole thing, but I was, like, watching the first 30 minutes. I just go down to the comments, and the first one I read is, like, best episode by far. Wait, you didn't even finish the whole pod? I heard too much. What are you... You didn't? Okay.

I heard too much. Dude, how can you expect people to watch in 90 minutes if you can't even sit through 30? The guy who literally watches it on repeat to fall asleep for the analytics, you couldn't listen if it wasn't you involved. Wait, you do that? Did you do that?

Yeah, he told us about that. No, I joked about that. That was a joke. I have done that like once. Oh, yeah, dude. What's funny is he'll do it with Daniel Naroditsky, but he won't do it with us. Yeah, that's true. You don't care.

I thought Daniel has something special that we don't. Yeah. He's good at chess. That was a confession. You confessed this. No, it's true. I've done it, but I'm not still doing it. You're not doing this every night.

How many times did you do it? Like once. I thought you did a lot. He's changed since he got COVID. He's changed. What? You've changed. Is this new?

Oh, man embellishes something for a podcast. Yeah. Fucking new story. Bye. Bye. Oh. Audio listeners, the dinosaur balloon went up. Forgot it had helium stuck in the ceiling.

Is this new? This tree here? No. What? No. No. That's always been there. Am I crazy?

Yeah. You've never looked over there. Yard viewers, tell me if that tree's new or not. You know what they don't know about? I wonder if the camera can get it is the satellite dish. They don't often get to see that

because it's out of frame. That's right. But it's pretty tight. It looks nice. Yeah. I was going to ask you, Ludwig, what are you wearing? Dude, I'm wearing this

sweet threads Cutie got me for Christmas. It's actually a very cool jacket. Well, the pants are actually tight. They're from Zara, and they're like classy pants, but they're actually joggers. Oh, you've been wearing these for a couple days. They probably stink so bad. No, I haven't.

Are you stinky? No, smell my nuts and balls. Dude, I heard your bit. Oh, my gosh. How does it smell? Like warm old pizza? It smells kind of like Zara. Still.

You've been wearing these for a couple days. I saw your bit. Someone, Millie, came to me and was like, I was watching a Ludwig video. Don't tell him. Free Palestine. He tells a story in there about how I roasted your pants in front of everyone and how you threw them away. And I laughed

my ass off at that which pants were these so when we were so when we were in New Hampshire I called you hbox and then Ludwig told this story on stream of how he went home and threw the pants well the story was about it was about like taking the L and I was like boy sometimes you got to take the L I was walking and I have we talked about this on the pod yet no no I had these baggy pants on there were 34 peak fatness they're good fellas pants we're leaving the sushi restaurant from from target yeah and then they're like they don't fit me very well they call me yeah and then and then I'm walking in the front and Nick goes hey nice pants H box and everybody starts laughing he already made the joke earlier to me privately so I'm like I'm like no no you said that again you

already said that and then i was like come on bro yeah we had a very meta moment where we talked about like who came up with what and who pulled this off the cosmic bookshelf anyway i had to hold the l but i also gave away the pants i tried to give it to peter and he's like still too big he's like those hbox pants even only juan's dumpy could fit dude I was gonna ask you like wait do you if I said something about your clothes

and made fun of them you would never throw them away it doesn't matter coming from me yes because you came in looking like the

fucking rock the Dwayne Johnson the other day and I was like what the fuck are you wearing dude and you're like I look good

but like if Nick did that you'd be like nothing and you hide the chain that one I'm confident enough on but I do have

more respect for Nick's style than yours of course so if I told you that you look like H-Box in those pants you would have kept them in defiance but you don't like his Anita Baker t-shirt right now that's kind of that shirt's fucking hard the shirt goes hard but slimes fits are generally like shirt shmeep

and that's it there's no there's no layers there's no thought that's true and correct and valid speaking of what we're wearing Eamon

yeah what's going on over there yeah are you allowed to wear this what I accidentally leaked it in the video

I didn't know I accidentally leaked it on QD stream what the fuck this is crazy okay audio listeners Aiden is wearing

a beautiful forest green. It's almost like a terry feather, Heather. And it's a yard merch. What's the word when it's not done yet? Sample. Prototype. Prototype is the one I was looking for.

It's the same thing that robots have. It's the beta version because it's on Aiden. Got a nice little puffy print. Comes off the hoodie. It's real nice. a nice little puffy print uh it comes off the the hoodie it's real nice feels nice feels great i i yeah i wanted to wear this because uh this is probably the the comfiest i think this is the comfiest hoodie i have right now no i'm sure you can't say that yeah but you still can't say it why you just can't say it because it doesn't sound it because you will eventually sell this product it doesn't sound genuine the thing i love about

well the thing i love about the hoodie is the price gentlemen i feel like the price can we shorten this podcast because i'm gonna fall asleep i'm swimming in blankets right now don't it's for me and only me i am so comfortable i like that because that's spiteful because if you're just saying this is the only one we're ever gonna make when we you guys when we sell the hoodie it's gonna be the shittiest gildan model they have. And I am the only person who gets to work with a nice one. I've got the Balenciaga blank, and you guys get the Gildan. That's my plan with the bidets.

I have $500 bidets and $50 bidets I'm making. Yeah, the Gildan of bidets. I'm afraid of those $50 bidets. You should just say, I'm making a $500 bidet. And then make one. And then sell $50 bidets. My plan is to make a bunch of them. But I'm going to go to a bunch of streamers' houses and set them up. And then they're going to be like, this is amazing.

But then when you go to the website, it's like the $50 one is the one you're going to buy. Like you could buy the $50 one, but you're not going to. And then they're going to debate and switch. I had a selfishly fueled gift for my parents this year. And it was because I was thinking about before leaving to go home, I was thinking about how I'm not going to have a bidet for about a week and a half, two weeks. And every time I go back, it's awful.

Ever since I moved in with you guys and started using bidets, every time I go back to the old world, it's hell. It's like he moved in with a bunch of guys who smoke weed, and then he had to not smoke weed for a summer. I changed all of your lives. You did.

That was the most significant change. And also bought you bidets. You gave me a job and that was the most significant change you've made in my life. The fancy bidet that you got us all last year for Christmas, I was like,

I'm going to cop that for my parents. And I did. So now there will be ones waiting for me at their home. Did you tell, wait, did you tell your mom, hey, I really just care about your asshole? I didn't say that.

You tell her I do. Wait, don't say it. Don't they have a private bathroom? See, that's why we need the fourth guy.

That's why we need the fourth guy. No, the dinosaur said that last time. He was fast. He's back. He's back.

Don't they have a private bathroom? Yeah. So did you have to be like, mommy, I have to go poopy? Mommy,

mommy, let me use your piss machine. Yes, but that embarrassment is worth a clean ass. Mommy, I threw up. I have to poop in your toilet now. Dude, but that embarrassment is worth a clean ass. Mommy, I threw up. I have to poop in your toilet now.

Dude, you know I found out there's people in Canada who call it a water closet? Yeah. That's crazy. Come on, man. It's a wash. It's just a washroom. Washroom, also weird. Just a washroom.

Washroom's more acceptable. What are you washing in there? Homophobic and stupid. Your ball's in the sink? Anyway. Go on. You were going to say something. Two very big questions.

I just said they're homophobic. We're the same. Oh, yeah. Vibe check. Do you think Cutie's gift to my mom was weird? She got her a bidet. Is that overstepping? This is the second time ever meeting.

No, because she's European and all the rules are different. Actually true. That's actually a great reason, yeah. I don't think it's weird. That's not weird at all. Stop fucking kidding me. She can't double the bid. Your long-term girlfriend

got your mother a sweet and thoughtful gift. Yeah, now my mom's asshole is so clean. You guys gotta stop talking about our mom's assholes. Alright, cheer list. Ooh, let me think back. Dude, no way your dad's asshole isn't F.

No, my mom. My mom's asshole. My dad's asshole isn't f we know my mom oh yeah no my mom's asshole my mom my dad's asshole is probably not great peter's asshole is great he's jamaican by the way i won't do this bitch my parents listen to every episode what about your dad's asshole i won't do think about your dad talking to you about this oh it's cannoli hole that one corwin's asshole has to be fucking prim okay yeah when you're a pilot that shit has to you have to cut it wouldn't matter if you're a manicurist because if you're in a bad situation let's say someone tries to take over the cockpit a terrorist if you will yeah yeah or whatever and they say hey stop and if you flash your dirty butt they're just gonna be like that's gonna help

me that's gonna make my job here easier but if you flash a clean they're just going to be like, that's going to help me. That's going to make my job here easier. But if you flash a clean, they're going to be distracted. They're going to... Indiana Jones' face melts off. His butt's so clean. It flashes off the light from the sun, blinds him. No hair even. Do you think... Have you guys ever seen

your dad's junk? No. Yeah, as a kid. I saw my dad's penis and dick. That's... You's, that's... You just said no. You just said no, and then answered the question with a yes. I'm not...

He asked you a question that you replied no, and then immediately provided another answer that meant the opposite. I did say, yeah, he just thinks we're the same. He's racist. I'm not done. Oh, Aiden thinks all European people are the same.

I was nine years old because my father died when I was 10. This is a Macklemore lyric, right? And he thought I was gay. And he was like, we have a shoe room and it's the bathroom. Call them mud rooms. Shoe room? It's the shoe room? Mud room, right?

Oh, I didn't know that's, yeah. Call it's yeah the mudroom yeah we're a bit of a house guy the mudroom is the same thing as our downstairs bathroom the mudroom is also what my dad calls his butthole you know what I hate about that clip is that we have no idea of that's actually true I believe it's like it's the clue expansion canonically could totally actually be what he calls it. Love you, Pop. All right, go. This is the same room you guys went in that had that weird elf on the shelf that would yell at you.

Oh, my goodness. He was loud. We didn't talk about this. I hated that. I hated that so much. There was just this inanimate object that would hang on a door, and if you walked into a room, it just yelled at you. Buy it. Buy it. That was my... I went to the it just yelled at you. Buy it. Buy it.

That was my, I went to the garage to throw something out. I walked by the, by the bathroom and the elf yelled at me. It's not a guy's, it's a snowman.

It's a snowman. It'll say like, it'll be like, ha ha, what are you doing in here? Actually, on second thought, I don't want to know.

Wow, that was great. Oh my God. Pooping. Are you all right? You're looking a little flushed. But then what pissed me off is he'll be like,

get it it Flush And then And I'm like Fuck you You goddamn little idiot Slime was literally like It laughs at every joke We're like no it doesn't

Slime looking over at it Like that's not funny And here's the reason why I was changing into my Underarmored You find somebody That made it to email them To let them know

Yeah there's no nuance In the joke You're kind of just like What are you doing in here? I hope your prostate's okay. That's exactly what I was thinking of. Anyway, this room is the same bathroom where my father, when we came back in,

because the garage is right next to it, he was like, come in here. And then he pulled down his pants, and he was like, this is how you pee standing up. Oh. So this is your late father? This is my, yeah. It's not my It's my late father

It's not Peter It's not the early one Yeah Why did you need to be taught this? What do you I was like nine Bro you were This is Peter

You were nine? Yeah This is Peter right? This is No this is my father Wait hold on hold on No back up It's my late father

You started learning to pee Standing up at nine? That's when he taught me yeah Why did you need to get to be taught to do that yeah that's crazy it's a thing you get taught i was like three what no you were not three when do boys learn to pee themselves dude no no no there's nothing to teach hold up hold up zipper you looked up when they learn to pee themselves they don't learn that they do that out the womb that's true you didn't haunt did you have the, you didn't have like the smaller toilet?

I knew how to pee. Specifically, this is peeing standing up. I'm realizing what you're saying. I get that. I get what you're saying. I, it's not an activity that you need to be taught.

Okay, okay, let me add some context. Presumably, if you're capable of standing, you're capable of doing the peeing part. He just starts, it's like Ludwig's first attempt

and he's just like pointing it towards him. And his dad's like, no, no, no. He's starts, it's like Ludwig's first attempt and he's just like pointing it towards him. What? And his dad's like, no, no, no. He's got his arms folded. It's a montage. And it's like 80s music in my mouth.

No, okay. I think part of the problem was the big teaching moment was lifting the seat up because he taught me that there's splashback and it'll stain the bottom. Oh.

And perhaps like I had like a, I don't, maybe they found my toilet upstairs and they're like, it's yellow pee'll stain the bottom. Oh. And perhaps I had like a... Maybe they found my toilet upstairs and they're like, it's yellow pee stain on the bottom. You have to lift this. Dude, your family is weird. Well, so he would grab my cock and I was about to... Come on! No, you guys didn't go to church and learn to pee? Yeah.

I went to church and learned to pee. We go in the cool room. We go and we do pee lessons. Oh, Father Murphy taught you that? Father Murphy? Tell and learned to pee. We go in the cool room. We go and we do pee lessons. Oh, Father Murphy taught you that? Father Murphy? Tell me how to pee? You get a hands-on experience. It's like Tom and Jerry. Ludwig's dad just grabs his cock and he pulls it like a violin string.

And he goes, But you watched the video? You watched Quincy Boys? Also, you pee sitting down. Well, yeah, because he taught me And then he died if you've learned his one lesson And then not you only got through lesson one Dad your dad wasn't there to hold

It anymore for you so you just kept Sitting yeah so we lost The the teaching halfway through so that So he this this came from my question Have you seen your guys's dad's dick and Balls yes that was when that I saw it And I was like dude that's fucking huge Right yeah yeah yeah you're that's when you're in what a fat cock you have dad dad you said that yeah i said dad great shit over there what about you you said

you did yeah how'd that how'd that go also bald is the this is a carpet match to drink is it also when you go bald you go bald the matrix i think it shapes when you drink when you go ball up top you go ball in the matrix when you're a tiny child it shapes your experience because you're like it's gigantic by your perspective and then I remember a decade later like I'm a teenager

and I'm thinking like will mine ever be that big can you imagine your father's cock right now can you imagine it right now imagine your father's cock right now? But then you realize that that is... Can you imagine it right now? Imagine your father... Hey, everyone at home also, imagine your father's dick. For the audio listeners.

Can you... Slime's closing his eyes like he's making a wish. He's imagining the turtle thing right now. Yeah. The turtle thing. Do you think if a kid saw your dick right now, it's the size? That might be a redacted bit. No, no.

Usually he doesn't break. Usually he doesn't break. And I love when Ludwig breaks. It's like SNL. Social experiment. But actually. Yeah, absolutely. We talked about this before.

They're just giant goddamn Grecian statues. experiment but actually yes yeah yeah absolutely we talked about this before they're like they're just giant like goddamned like grecian statues showing my adult penis to children for science i saw it on the trailer for the new season of nathan for you to boost my self-esteem nathan just like so do you do you think it's good? Hey, it's Christmas time. It is Christmas time. Hey, it's Christmas time in the yard. I kind of ruined Christmas. A couple things. Nick got COVID for Christmas,

which is crazy, but we also had gifts for each other, and Ludwig didn't get us anything. Well, I did. Guess what Aiden also didn't do? You really didn't? No, I got you stuff. It's just not here. It's just not here in time. Well, okay.

How about you say the gifts you got, and I'll tell you my gifts because they're not physical items. No, you should just give them to us later. No, I want to hear it now. I like hearing what I got. You would like to say? Can I pull up a picture of it? How about we start with your gifts because they're physical, and it's a fun part. So let's get right into it.

For audio listeners, we'll do our best. Yeah, we'll do our best audio listeners. But this is a visual. Who do I start with? I'll just get here. I'll get here. This is for you Nick Oh, what a large gift. I'm looking at like a big man. This is a big gift It's like I'll just for the audio listeners It's about as a big as like maybe if you bought like a it's like your dad's got like a toy Hummer you drive around It's like that what's like the ones that the remote control on you drive like the like an RC car box

It's just say that it's like a Lego box. It's like 36 inches by 24 inches. It's not that big. Everyone also says it's extremely hard to shop for you. All the loved ones in your life. I don't think that's true. Everyone says that, so what does that mean? Everyone I know is stupid.

I attract dumb people because it makes me feel better. Gifts for you. You do. Last time. You got me. The gum. That was a great gift. It sounds like a weird gift, but it was a great gift. The gum like a weird gift but it was a great the gum

that he got you it was what was it wrigley's there was a there's hype there's a flavor there was a flavor of gum that i i i would go to the pharmacy where i grew up as a kid because the only place that carried it it was like this old uh i think i think it was an old wrigley's brand but not like fucking juicy fruit or whatever and i would go all the time and then they they discontinued it and they no longer sell it. He got me one of like the $300 packages online that are like the last of the... I searched eBay every day

for like a month. That's pretty hype. I didn't know that. Oh, shit. I tear the corner and it instantly says Lego. Lego in the house. That's crazy

because I actually said it's the size of a Lego box. This is tight. You've seen this before? No. Really? I've never seen this. That's so sick, yeah. I was gonna get this a long

time ago, but yeah, I think this is tight. Show what it is. Let me show that, everyone. So this is a big-ass box of Legos that has, like, a CRT and an NES system. Wait, you've never seen this? What? No, I haven't seen it. Dude, this is official. I've never seen this before. Yeah, official Nintendo license.

And I also got you some bubble gum. I'm not looking down. Is it behind the box? Are your balls behind the box? It's behind the box. They're super hairy. No, that's just the skin. Those are getting long.

What do you... Yeah, as opposed to what? And I get it. I can see all the hairs from a distance. It's a little longer than where it is up top. I get that. But it's pretty long. It's like a haircut.

You take it with your two fingers and you like... look like you see it your balls i see it very clearly your balls look like the guy from home alone you can't you can't give him that out because we all got a free we all got a way so archie doesn't have to look at them anyway it's a crt and an nes system lego pack it's pretty pog and zipper 2 zipper 2 is going to be excited to build this it moves it moves as well yeah you can like play mario it's really interesting wait you can play it it's kind of like it moves like it scrolls it's a side scroll it's kind of cool super cute yo build stream imagine yeah also cutie got me legos sleeper legos a great gift for adults because they need to do something to de-stress from their terrible lives and it reminds you being a kid

she got me a big roman coliseum. It's like fucking 9,000 pieces. Oh, that's yours. Dude, that thing is tight. If I would have had that during COVID, I would have been a lot happier. Oh, you would have slayed it. I mean, I guess you just played a shit ton of Valorant.

You would have got it done in a day. I played so much. I mean, like, Legos are pog, and I don't mean to say this right after this, but like, you could also just play a video game. Yeah, but you get to build it, and it's cool. This is an excuse to not bring it.

You do get a thing at the end. I'm mostly saying you said to distract yourself from your life. No. Oh, no. I'm talking. So it's like adult coloring books. It's like just doing an activity. That's the thing is gaming is my life.

Unlike you, it's a little bit different. I get that. But this distracts me from my life. I don't game because I have no life. I game because I have 99. I have many. I remember I broke up with a girl who the guy she got with after me had that picture as his Facebook banner, which was,

I'm not a loser because I have no life. I'm a gamer because I have many or whatever. And it was like pictures of like the Skyrim guy and like soap McTavish. If the sentence, I'm not a loser comes out of your mouth. You're fucked. Yeah. He probably just fucks like a beast.

And I was like, I was like, Sam. I remember with her, though, I was just like, but I was like, Sam, like, I, you know, I feel like I got a better banner than that. You should, I would like to find that. You're just like the blueberry guy. Yeah. Because then we could show it to prospective incels and rationalize them away from that dark world.

My time. Give the gifts. I'm going to give you Aiden. I'm going to give you your gift. It's a happy little boy now, and that's what you are now. You're my sweet little bear. I think Aiden is hard to buy gifts for. That is what I learned.

Yeah, because he hates everything. No. It's just that his things in life that he enjoys aren't really material, and I think that's why it makes it hard to buy gifts for him. He's great to get gifts for because you can get him literally anything and his reaction will always be the same. Yeah, it's true. It just hurts to see them.

He's easy to not feel guilty buying a bad gift for. Dude, thank you so much. I'm opening your gift right now. But also, I saw his gift like... So this is from me and Zipper2, as are all of my gifts. Wow. Because that is an excuse to buy one gift. I should do that. Cutie got everyone such my gifts. Wow. Because that is an excuse to buy one gift. I should do that.

QD got everyone such good gifts. I am part of that. Go get them then. She got Aiden a signed copy of the social network by Jesse Eisenberg. The screenplay. That was from me too. It was? Thank you.

I can't believe that. He's just so easy. It's like he tuned out for the last 20 minutes. And I'm in. All right. It's a shirt box. It's a clothing box. Yeah, this is a clothes box.

It's a clothing box, yeah. And so it's got polka dots on it. Eamon is being a beast right now. He's ripping it open. He's physically too weak to open it. He's pogging. He's pogging. He's pogging.

It's pog face. What is it? He's pogging. He's so sick, dude. Talking about how much he loves QAnon. The Y3 hoodie. Who's that? So Adidas has a collab with Yoji Yamamoto. He's so sick, dude. Talking about how much he loves QAnon. The Y3 hoodie. Who's that? So Adidas has a collab with Yoshi Yamamoto,

who's like a Japanese designer. And it's like their line of like really high-end nice hoodies. Really? Yeah, it's a very nice hoodie. Let me spill my coffee on it. Let me touch it. Let me touch it. Here, let me spit and cum on it.

Let me touch it. Come on. Bring it over here. I remember Aiden had one of the first Mogul merch, like green hoodies, and he got this disgusting coffee stain on the front of it, and he just kept wearing it like a homeless guy. And we had boxes and boxes.

That was at the beginning of quarantine, and it was the beginning of my arc of realizing that no one sees me in the outside world, so it doesn't matter. You dress like I dress, but actually when I went into work at BTS. Yeah. Yeah. For a whole year. Dude, there's a picture.

What's going on over there, Ludwig? I'm sorry, dude. It says, together with Adidas, we created something that did not exist before and completely projected the future. A hoodie? It's a blue hoodie. Imagine their faces when they found out there's other hoodies. Stop talking my hoodie down. They're like, wait a minute.

A sweater with a hood on it? Holy shit. Whoa. This is so sick. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. I thought he would like it. But I literally was just like, Aiden was trying to tell me recently that he doesn't like buying

stuff very much. And I was like, you own so many high fashion items. I think you're lying. And he never backed down from this point. He's like, no. Only sometimes. And I'm like, you're tro i'm like you're trolling no it's on videodrome guy right i buy i buy the least things in the house 100 that is not but it doesn't mean that it doesn't mean that if you would have said that i would have been oh maybe that's true but you but the but you said i don't like buying things that's what you said and i I'm like, you're an idiot. I mean, in like a quantifiable sense.

I think I, I compared up to people in third world countries or something. No, no, no, no. Just, I feel like I don't buy a lot of items in general,

but I'm happy when I buy something that I'm really excited about. Like a big old, but I don't make a lot of, I just think it once again, it's capping. He's coming across too normal. He took me to subway next gift. Oh,

no way. No, no way. No. No way. Why would you do that? Yeah. So next gift. Did you eat? Yeah.

So unfortunately, your gift was locked in my COVID dungeon, and I couldn't wrap it because I didn't have a wrap. That's okay. So your gift is not wrapped. We could have given you wrapping paper that you just kept and ate or whatever. You didn't want to do that, and that makes you a bad friend. Well, I also got COVID a couple days before. I don't even know if it was here on time. I think this one got here the latest.

Here's some sizzies. It's a box. No, he needs a kitchen knife. I'll also say this is the most unfortunate gift that I got. Oh, no. Define that. You'll see immediately. Probably a duplicate, maybe.

Oh, no. It's climbing shoes. Sorry. I spoiled it. Wait. Did Cutie spoil? No. You just know?

She got. What happened here? What happened? What's going on? Is I got climbing shoes from my sister for Christmas. I've been climbing for a while. And everyone always says, you got to get climbing shoes. The rentals suck. And I've always had this theory that it's like, I'm going to wait a while And I've Everyone always says You gotta get climbing shoes The rentals suck

And I've always had this theory That it's like I'm gonna wait a few months To get really good at climbing And then when I get my climbing shoes I'm gonna have a power up He didn't fucking wait To get a pizza stone

Yeah I know That was instant yeah And I told people this And they all said I'm dumb as fuck My sister gets me shoes I'm pogging I try them on

Like a hair tight And the way climbing shoes work Is you're supposed to start as fuck. My sister gets me shoes. I'm pogging. I try them on like a hair tight. And the way climbing shoes work is you're supposed to start above your size and then eventually you work below your size. Like a ballerina, you're supposed to force it down. I think those are going to fit like a dream, Ludwig. Because I went and I looked at all your shoes. Does the slipper fit? That's what I'm... These are also a

different style. You're double socked right now. I'm going to need you to take one of those off. I'm single socked. You're smoking... Wait, a single? Oh, it looks a little reefer. Wait, why would you wear double socked right now. I'm gonna need you to take one of those off. I'm single socked. You're smoking. Wait, by single? Oh, it looks double. Wait, why would you wear double socked? It looks like that part on the ankle. It looks like another sock. But do people do that? Uh, for like boots sometimes. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's a glove. It's a glove? Yes! You know my foot so well, honey.

That is like foreskin for your foot. And this is a different style shoe, because this one's a curved one. And that one gets right the fuck in there. That's a nice shoe. Nice. That's a great shoe. Hey. There you go, climbing. Let's go climbing. Now, I didn't get you a curved one. And that one gets right the fuck in there. That's a nice shoe. Nice. That's a great shoe. Are you going to climb it? Let's go climb it. Now, I didn't get you a physical gift.

Okay. And so I wanted to give you a gift of retribution, if you will. You don't know about this yet. Retribution means that you're trying to make something right because you wronged him? This is payment. Because you gave my mother COVID-19. No. She was confirmed COVID positive two days ago.

No, wait. When? Two days ago. I feel so bad about that. Then probably not, right? I mean, it's probably not him, but I want to know. Oh, okay. Yeah. God damn it, Aiden.

If it's two days ago, it's definitely not me. No, it's not. God damn it, Aiden. That's a huge. He'll put that on him. That's crazy. That's a huge thing to put on him. It would have got me out of having to give him a gift.

That's terrible to do. I felt so bad. That's worse than what I did. Hey, she still hates you. Is it worse than what I did? Don't shift. Don't shift what we're doing here. We're on you.

He's on you. He brought me to Subway. Eat fresh, dude. That's fucked up. That is so weird to do. Why is that the thing that deviates the conversation? What did you guys get? I was hungry.

Stop eating Subway. We have so much food. hungry stop eating Subway he got the Subway sandwich oh you asked for a Subway sandwich no there isn't a Subway sandwich it's called the Subway he asked if they have stickers do you guys have those license plate covers those are really cool the Subway club

it's called the Subway club though he actually asked to join the Subway club they got confused and they gave him a sandwich too like those are really cool the subway club oh yeah it's called the subway club though it's no no he actually asked to join the subway club and they got confused and they gave him a sandwich which artist was like no she was disappointed about but no you know what you can't do this to me because you still ordered you still got some what do you get piece of shit i got like it's like a steak green pepper steak and cheese really oh it's all like it's like it's like ocean plastic in the meat it was fine it's like having ocean plastic in a sandwich. There's two ways of getting plastic out of the ocean.

Donating to Mr. Beast and buying sandwiches in Subway. That's right. The fucked part is that we ate it, then we went climbing for an hour, and then we ate the second half after an hour of it sitting in the car. Just bookended your activity with that shit. Yeah. We ate it in the parking lot of Hangar 18. How much... Zipper's hangar 18. How much,

zipper's dying right now. How much would it cost if the subway approached the yard and like Jared's like robot corpse from prison is like, and he's like, Hey guys, we're going to pay you how much money to do like basically like a six month sponsor for the yard. How much? Let's push this farther. Should not say this number live.

How much? Let's push this farther to become morbidly obese and then lose all the weight eating Subway. You have to push 300 pounds. I don't think it's possible. I would do it for no amount of money. I would not do it. 250 pounds. No.

I would never do that. 240. No. You're really driving a hard bargain. I don't want to do that. You wouldn't do it for a billion dollars. No. What?

Because, fuck that. I don't want to get all big. Yeah't do it for a billion dollars. No. What? Because, fuck that. I don't want to get all big. Yeah, I'm with Anthony. Fuck that, bro. It'd be awful. Your body is all you have. It literally is. You can't take your fucking jacket with you when you die. I'm stronger than you. What am I going to get? What is that? I made him mad. No, I win.

And I always will be. I'm not owned. I'm not owned. Alright, my last gift. Alright, what's next? Who's got next? Hey, I'm not owned. All right. My last gift. What's next? Who's got next? Hey, great gift, man. Great gifts. Famously, on one of the episodes, I said that this is the best gift I've ever gotten, Anthony.

Yeah. And I still believe that. And I'm really excited to give it to him. And I think he's really going to like it. This gift? So this is my gift to you. You love giving gifts, huh? Ooh, it's heavy.

So it's about a square. And it's heavy. And yeah, about a square, and it's heavy. And yeah, let's give it a look. It looks like a picture frame. We've got to give it a crack. You know what Mikey got me? What's that? For Secret Santa?

He got me a Grant McDonald DVD. We have to watch it together. We have to get the PS5 out. I'm super down. It's crazy. It's like a film? Dude, yeah. I don't know what it is, but it's like something he made

and made into a DVD and we can watch it. Graham McDonald is the star behind 18 Naked Cowboys. Yeah, Ram Ranch. Yeah. All right, here we go. Let's see what this banger gift is.

Rip it open. No fucking way. Show the camera, dude. It seems to be a moleskin book of some sort. It's a square book, and it says David Prezzo, and it's a picture of his old profile picture of the deer with all the eyes, and I can only assume that it's a book of all of Prezzo's fucking tweets.

Wow. Dude. I read all 25,000 of Prezzo's tweets, and those are the 75 funniest Prezzo tweets of all time. With help of Prezzo. This is like an ultimate bathroom book. This is the coffee table book to end all coffee table books. This is, look at this.

Because me and Nick. Can I read a random one? This is a real meaningful gift because me and Nick will literally just send each other Prezzo tweets and be like he's done read the first page I really like the first page it really just gets you

in there pissed in my little gay toilet yeah so here's the here's the PDF version I have a whole PDF version of the book as well

oh my god yeah me and Prezzo went back and forth I was like if you can send me any of your of your old bangers I opened a random page he goes that Ludwig stream was long.

This is, this is, yeah, you're right. I think, I think I wasn't overhyping. I think I was pretty spot on with how you would feel. Dude, you should keep this up here and just say it during the pod sometimes. Yeah, I'll just keep it by the fire sign. What the fuck is a liberal? Is it the vagina flap thing I love me some David Prezzo you know what's crazy you have a gift I asked you to tell me what you got him and you wrote it down and I don't know if it was I have the note still

okay I'll read it maybe you're dyslexic maybe I'm dyslexic he's more than fucking dyslexic but what I you watch the last step what I read was desk with all of Prezzo's tweets on it. Okay, this is crazy. Ready? I made a $300 coffee table book of all of Prezzo's tweets. Dude, okay, so I thought it meant you got him a literal coffee table. Why don't you read all the words in a thing? He just skipped a word.

It says book. Oh, that's the worst thing I did when I miswrote something, okay? It's not the worst. You're right. It's not. This is literally the worst thing I've when i miswrote something okay it's not the worst you're right it's not this is literally the worst thing i've ever done by the way i had done worse i had to explain to nick last for last episode because he makes the thumbnails and i was like he i lovely came up with the title and then nick did the thumbnail but nick didn't watch the episodes he's like what's the context of this yeah and then i typed out the sentence of what happened

and i was like that's crazy that i crazy that this is happening again in my life. Wait, what's happening? Just more the idea that I had to relive the experience, kind of like Zane in the content piece, of explaining what happened. Because I already explained it on the podcast. And I explained it to you because you didn't listen to it. I see what you're saying. And yeah, well, you're great.

We all like you a lot, man. Thanks, man. I couldn't believe. I was like, I got to watch this episode. I was like, I couldn't believe. I was a fan for a moment where I was like, he did what? I'm like, I got to fight. And I watched that section.

We have a whiteboard where I write the topics that we want to talk about. And Ludwig is like, okay, can you write airplane man? And then he's like, question mark? Because he literally can't process all of the words in something if it's not a clickbait title yeah Ludwig also will clickbait us every week with topics he doesn't tell us any of his topics which is respectable lock and key it's fine are there any more gifts yes um so I have a question are we still gonna are we still gonna say the gifts that are on the way what do you want to do it's up to you okay I think it's lame if we

don't tell me my gifts okay I want mine physically say what i have yours i i wanted to say yours now because it's related to what you just received i want you to say it but i want you to present it with like orally i want you to like make a i want you to present it to my penis like a microphone i want you to speak into the glands of my penis no i want you to pitch it like you're selling me something. Okay, so you got the coffee table to end all coffee table books, but what if, what's even better than one coffee table book? Two coffee table books of your favorite literary things, the works of Prezzo, and your favorite visual things,

monkeys and apes. Really? I got you a hardcover coffee table book of gorillas and monkeys. Don't jazz it up by saying hardcover. It's hardcover. Barnes and Noble. No, no. Because I had the choice. There was a paperback version. And you would have gotten paperback.

If you skipped out on paperback, that would have been psychopathic. Because I splurge for you. I always get my paperback. You know what I'm saying? That was great of you to do that for me. Actually, Nick, he got me onto books because in his room, he has a little coffee table, and he has this book of all Kirby's ever. It's like all the Kirby's ever drawn.

And I'm like, fuck you. Why do you have that? I want that so bad right now. Hey. Yeah, so you have a monkey book all the way. I like that. Thank you for the monkey book. You're welcome. What did you get me? And do you want to know what you got? Yeah, so you have a monkey book on the way. I like that. Thank you for the monkey book. You're welcome.

What'd you get me? And do you want to know what you got? Yeah, tell me. Okay, so I had, I didn't know, but Ludwig likes anime. No.

Ludwig loves an anime. I watch animated Japanese cartoons. Animated Japanese TV shows. He likes those? From Nippon Desu. That's niche.

That place that he thinks is really cool and has a lot of firm, grandiose opinions about, even though he's never been there. We should travel there. Even though he's never been there. For the first time, I would travel there.

Would you like that if we went to where they make those cartoons? I'm aloof. Oh, I see. Doesn't even care. Everyone knows what you're looking for. It happens that it doesn't. Where is that guy from? He just watched Aladdin.

You've watched a lot of anime, and I didn't know your favorite one. So I had somebody scout for me. Ooh. And I believe it is Welcome to the NHK. Stop there. Yeah. And I bought you a rare figurine

from Welcome to the NHK that they only sold in Japan. Of who? Which character? I don't know. That's the excitement. It's the main it's the main carry it's it's one of the there's two main characters like a boy and a girl right yeah it's the girl

you bought him a cool floor toy hey yeah i can't wait till it ends up on the ground or in the garage wet because you know a lot of his figurines they always end up in a nice place you know what on that topic it is really our garage right now is a nightmare and when you go all these things from ludwig's stream room are piled around the garage in this like pathway that you kind of have to carve through to get to our weights where because you know occasionally we work out in the garage you got to get to the five pound weights it ain't that big it's the ludwig museum you know what you say? The five pound ones are literally the hardest ones

to get to because they're behind everything at the back of the garage. Easiest to lift though. It's more about the journey than the... Yeah, it sucks. I mean, I hope that you are serious.

I'm doing my ultimate auction stream this Wednesday where I'm selling all of the items for charity. All over this room is all the shit that used to be in your stream room, right?

So there's fucking... There's like balls, there's shells. Hey, we should, all three of us should get one, we should go in there and get one thing. Ooh, can we get a free thing? I would love that. I would love that. We all get to go and get one thing. Laying in the garage all over the place. Not just cheap things that you've kind of tossed aside, right?

I'm talking on the ground of the garage, minted PSA 9.5 N64 games, Pokemon cards. I'm literally looking at a $5,000 fucking dollar copy of Ocarina of Time on our fucking sandy, dirty garage. Tell them how much it actually is. 15k. That's right. Great. Yeah, it's sitting

on the floor of the fucking garage where it floods when it rains. Yeah, it rained for like eight days straight over the holidays and yeah. When it rains it pours. So yeah, let's we get one free thing. No. No, yeah. They're going to charity. I'll give you a list of allotted

items you can pick from. Can that list be the N64 games? No, it cannot. Wait, so what the fuck is a foster kid going to do with goddamn Zelda? You're saying I don't deserve Mario Party 4? The stream is I am getting all of the things and then I'm auctioning them to my chat they can buy something for me directly okay the money goes into a slush fund and it's dark money yes funneled into our corporation and we take the money exactly and then we steal it okay actually though question yeah is that how it works?

It can. Oh, I want to give you your gift. Okay. Full employment. Hey! And he's okay with that. And you too? For gifts?

Same shit. Full employment. He's downplaying it. Just to be clear, I didn't get one. Your gift is coming. But you also got that. Well, you're fired. He got me a 20% raise. Yeah. Yeah, Ludwig gave everyone a raise. That's the gift that keeps on fired. He got me a 20% raise. Yeah.

Yeah, Ludwig gave everyone a raise. That's the gift that keeps on giving. That was cool. It actually is. Hey. We also have 401ks now. Yeah, another gift. You're killing it this year. Say it to the dick how good of a boss.

Say it into the dick. And that's a preso tweet. How many gifts we got left? You got a couple? I've got my gift for Nick. Oh, yeah. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Yeah, here you go.

I think you'll like this bag. I think it's cool. I like hyping up your own gift money. For ASMR streaming. I'll get the crinkles in here. Nice. Audio listeners. Maybe lick it a bit.

$10,000 mic. Amaranth, by the way, her dock popped off. Yeah, the Vice dock's sick. That's so sick. I haven't seen it yet. A lot of people are a lot more sympathetic to her. Like to think we did something about that. It's a shirt with Raz from Psychonauts on it.

If you guys don't know, Nick is a dirty little butt slut for Psychonauts. I just like the game. You would let that guy come and brick in your mouth. I would. Ruining the gift. Would you wear this shirt? Yeah, this is tight. You like that?

Yeah, I'd wear a black thing over it. It's a... It was the truth. I'm just memeing because it's a bright blue tie-dye shirt with a red printed on graphic. The funny part of the shirt is that it's a Hanes shirt. That's the funny part. It's clearly made by someone.

If it's good enough for Jordan. No, it came with the game. What? Yeah, I looked this up. They released a limited amount of these shirts with the game. Oh, so they made them. Yeah. That's even better.

Yeah, this is official. You should say that. I just thought it was a shirt. Oh, my bad. No, it's official. This is tight. Thank you. When they released the game, the game,

they released a limited amount of these with certain... Crazy they don't have a custom tag. I mean, they clearly, like, the tag is dyed, so they clearly, like, handmade it.

Yeah, I never played the game. Can you go inside someone's prostate and kind of fuck around? Yeah, kind of, yeah. Yeah? Yeah, the whole idea of the game is, like,

you're, like, this little, like, kid with powers and you jump into people's brains and you fight their demons and, like, those are all the dungeons in the game, essentially. Wow, that is actually're like this little kid with powers and you jump into people's brains and you fight their demons and those are all the dungeons in the game

essentially. So you're kind of doing that, yeah. And this one guy whose demon is his prostate and he needs it milked right now. It's so damn big.

You just gotta hug it really hard and it just comes like crazy. Fantastic. Eamon, in the shirt. I didn't get to wrap Eamon's gift

but it's in that shirt. That is wrapped to me. Yeah. It's my shirt. I need the shirt back. I'm cracking gift, but it's in that shirt. That is wrapped to me. It's my shirt. I need the shirt back. It's fragile. Careful, he's a hero. He's pogging. Okay. Dude, holy shit.

It's a super Donkey Kong, funky Kong pen. That is hard. This is from Japan, and it was a limited edition item. That is hard. This is from Japan and it was a limited edition item. That is so hard. Yeah, it's like a collector's item,

but yeah, it's a Funky Kong pen. Wow. I know you like to work and that you like Funky Kong. I like Funky Kong. You sold this short. It's a pen, but on the top it's Funky Kong

and he's just big chilling and that's how you click down the pen is you push on Funky Kong. You got to hang out with Funky to get your work done. Man, this is one of those things where it's like, should I open this?

And I don't know if I should. You should. Enjoy your gifts. You should write with that every day. Now working's getting funky, huh? You read the box. Oh, it hurts. You're getting better.

I can read nihongo. Dude, this is super cute. I wanted you to get something you could actually fucking use and not put on a shelf. I'm gonna be able to write so fast. Yeah, that is the fastest. That and Peach. The fastest and Daisy. I wanted you to get something you could actually fucking use and not put on a shelf. I'm going to be able to write so fast. Yeah. That is the fastest.

That and Peach. The fastest and Daisy. Do it to next year's pod to see if Eamon remembers what it was. Yeah, he'll remember this one. I think it was like a box of cream. If it's any consolation, I started reading the book. Fuck me. Nice.

I shamed him into learning. That's awesome. That's tight. Because it's actually about something I find interesting the book. Fuck me. Nice. I shamed him into learning. That's tight. Because it's actually about something I find interesting. That's why it was a good gift when I got it. I like the Funky Kong pen. Thank you very much. It's very cute. Oh, my God.

He lights up. Funky Kong lights up. What is that? What gift is that? Oh, that's my gift to Ludwig. I think that's the last one. Oh, last one. Last one for Coots.

Hey, shit. LG's for Coots. It's a light box. Oh, man. Oh, last one. Oh, last one for coots. Hey, shit. LG's for coots. It's a light box. Oh, man. Oh, baby. It's pink. I think you'll like it. Oh, brother.

I'm already loving it. Love it. You're at it. Phil, Phil more. Phil more. I don't even want to open it anymore. You like the box? You can just keep the box.

I want to eat this box. Just never open it. Oh, my God. This box is so touchy. You like it? It's smooth, right? It's a smooth box. Smooth like me and smooth like you? It's smooth, right? It's a smooth box. Smooth like me and smooth like you.

It's smooth like if our chests were touching. It's smooth like our skin. Here you go. Come on, little struggle bear. I'll always get you. Come on. Dude, QD got him a music box with some anime song that plays, right?

And I thought that was a really cool gift and I was like, oh fuck, you know what a good idea would be? If you got a music box, it's like, count what you have now. Okay, wait. It's Jigglypuff. Yes. Oh, no. No, Chalkbag?

Chalkbag, yeah. Oh, that's so tight. That's Pog. For climbing, you put Chalk in a bag, and this is a Jigglypuff one. That's tight. That's really cute. They sculled a puff.

Yeah, they scooped out all the puffs' brains and insides. That's a real Jigglypuff. They hauled her out. All the puff cream. And then we made chocolates out of the cream. That's tight, dude. That's pretty legit. That's awesome.

You're going to be so fucking bricked up. Yeah. Well, okay. You come through. Hey, boys, what's up? Where's the V2? Only problem with this, Okay, fuck you. Is that at the climbing gym, I have a problem that I remedied.

The problem is people come up to me and when I climb alone, I hate it because like they're not big Ludwig fans. And then they climb the climb right after me. I bitch about this before on the pod. Yeah. So I go with a hat and a mask now. Works perfect. Only one person's never recognized me. You look like the bully in Blue Valentine.

I'll give you an example. A reference. I went to the climbing gym without the hat on with Aiden the other day. And five people went up to Aiden separately and said, hey, man, love the yard. Wow. One of them followed up with, who's this fucking guy? Don't do that five people in a row

walked up to Aiden they were all in a group and they ran the fun joke of I recognize Aiden but who's with him I went to the climbing gym today and someone came up and said are you Aiden so Aiden's getting a lot of love Aiden's getting some love

I went to get lunch with Dan. He works at BTS, and we got food. It was yesterday, and there's a hovering group of high school kids. Two of them come up like, are you slime? We didn't know if it was you. I was like, yeah, I thought it was a bald guy, huh? They're like, yes! And I'm like, can we get a picture?

I'm like, yeah, sure. I was like, but this is Dan. He's much more interesting than me, and he needs to be in the picture too. So I made these two kids take a picture with him, me, and Dan. And I'm just standing there. And I was like, this is like Metal Gear. We're going off to war. At least they got a photo with a doctor.

That's pretty cool. Anyway, I bring that up because you know what? It actually won't be that bad. If someone knows that I'm me, even if I have my disguise on because they see the post thing. You also don't have to wear that. I don ever wear my yard fan i think it's really hard to buy ludwig something or get him something that he will genuinely like use thank god he got into climbing because you know what i'm saying you know what thing he better start using soon have you seen this yet the vespa oh yeah i didn't know i found out about this today it's in the it's in the garage

we got a hot newespa sitting in the garage Ready to get ridden It needs to have oil changed and we don't have the oil yet And then it also needs gas You asked me to change the oil because I'm the man of the house Put some vegetable oil in it You never change a catalytic converter you change oil In a real car

A lot Why does a Cadillac need a converter bro Who cares Anyway great gifts all around Merry Christmas to us from the yard A lot. Why does a Cadillac need a converter, bro? Who cares? Just fucking ride the thing. Anyway, great gifts all around. Hey, Merry Christmas to us from the yard to the yard also. Happy New Year. And you know what you guys could gift us? The gift of a subscription.

Oh, you're doing the Patreon? No, not to the Patreon. No, no, no Coin Bean. We have a pathetic number. No. Our YouTube sub number is low. Oh, now you care. I'm just saying I have two channels that are above it, and I'm working on a third.

Why don't you fucking send the bat signal out and just get your. Do it right now. Do your best read. Just da-ba-da-ba-da-ba. Sub. Nice. Oh, wow. You fucking botched that.

Pie at his fucking face. Hey, Ludwig. Hey, Ludwig. You just mentioned that you're about to launch a third YouTube channel. A lot of people here listening, they like your videos. What's the channel going to be? I'm plugging the yard. Not my channel.

What's your third channel going to be? Come out with it. Answer it now. All right. All right. Now. All right. Let me tell you first and foremost about-

What was that? That got me. I don't know why that got me. Hey, welcome. Actually, do we do we even no i told you guys it's the new year i told you immediately as he said it coinbase is over and we also talked about it in the last episode corn bean is here corn bean the new app to get food with i don't know no it's actually just both food products and it it's like, you know, big milk is strong enough alone. Big corn and big beans. You just choose what mood you're in, and you can either buy one or the other that day. It's like Smasher Pass.

Corn. Honey, please, can we get corn? We've only gotten beans for a month. Anyway, we currently are sponsorless. Not that we're asking. We'll figure it out. All right, Archie, you know what to do. There's no sponsor.

You fucking dog piece of shit ass. You know what I've been, you know what the Australians have been telling me? What? The fucking, the word. Oh, it's so, it's so gross. Gash? No, mut. Yeah.

Yeah, they've been using the word mut. What does that mean? I'm going to go out tonight with the lads and get some fucking mut. Is that like vagina? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Isn Is that like vagina? Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that fucked up? It sounds like a part on an animal.

This is the first one I've ever heard that might have surpassed Gash. Yeah, Gash is gross. I like Clunge. Dude, let me- Inbetweeners. There's that fucking- It's The Departed where Jack Nicholson is in the movie theater. Oh, what does he say?

It's so gross. He's like, because their gash is so like I gotta find that. It's so disgusting and it's like what a good movie because it's so gross. Departed movie theater.

Jack Nicholson is like a oat actor to be spewing some shit. Wait, oat? What are you talking about? Like fancy, like high up, like posh, like nice. I see, I see. Revered. Yeah.

It's a French word. Revered is good. Wait, you said oat? Yeah. Like when I can't find it. But it's crazy. It's just, he's really good at saying the word and making you just feel like you need a shower. Like you gotta curl up.

Yeah. And so we've been playing a lot of, well, I'm playing Valorant, which is new for me. Back on the grinds. It's fun. And yeah, the boys are gaming again. But yeah, three of them, shut up. Three of them were just like, yeah, moot.

And I was like, don't say moot, bro. So I, so in my COVID quarantine. Tell us what happened to you. So one of the days at 2 p.m., me and Sock, my son, started playing Valorant and we didn't stop until 6 a.m. And we just queued over and over and over

from 2 p.m. to 6 a.m. You just ripped to duos? And we only lost two games. Oh, what rank are you? And it was like an 18-game win streak. It was the most it was like an it was like an eight it was like an 18 game win streak like it was the most insane i went from like it was the most elo i've ever gone in a night it was crazy and uh we were like on cloud nine like we're we get off at six we're like we're not even tired yet we're like we're like you want to play inscription like you want

to play more games you guys are just train wreck it was crazy yeah we're just we're just like train gambling so best day of gaming maybe in my entire career wow and then uh the next day we get on valorant again and we get 113 by a team so we get fucking annihilated by the best smurfs of all time and uh and uh it was painful it was like it was just like oh we can't do anything they're just better in every way and then we instantly queue into five cheaters really yeah like like the most blatant cheating i've ever experienced like like the round starts and a bullet hits you through a wall in the fucking head oh that's so funny like just fine they're all cheating and we're we're just like why why is this happening and we have happening? But they keep it close on purpose. The game goes like 13 to 10 and they win.

So it was like over an hour and it was just so frustrating. And we all just go, we don't want to play Valorant anymore. We all get offline independently. And then I just queue Melee and I play Jigglypuff and I just sink. I just sink. I just go to the sunken place. And people are in the call like no one's gaming now And everyone's just watching me do this

And then I get a rest just watch Nick I get a rest And everyone the call goes What the fuck is going on And I'm like I know I know and someone's like You feel good about that I'm like I don't And we just keep we do this for like two hours And then Dawson joins the call and he's Just like what's going on in here

And I'm like don't fucking ask he's like you guys need to fucking you guys need to fucking relax it's like he walked in and everyone just got a fucking heroin needle in their arm and like fuck yeah whatever but ironically so I was being in my room for I was in my room for 12 days straight I didn't leave my room once very depressing it's like

very just hard to do and that was the darkest day I had I'm built different i could have done it i could have done it when you don't have the option to leave it's different than like just accidentally spending a lot of days in your room yeah you have pretty much the ideal room it was i yeah i have an ideal setup but it was just like even then i wish i could see a person in real life i wish i could go outside for a sec tell me yeah anyway all right you guys i get it you're fucking you would be miserable i did it for 30 days could I could do it again. Shut the fuck up, Ludwig.

You did not leave your room. That's not what happened. You left your room a ton. I'm reading my Prezzo book because I'm tired of your shit right now. I need to calm down. I've done that, but only gambling. But that was the darkest day for sure. Not gaming.

Was that day of gaming where we just got clobbered and cheated on constantly. And I haven't been that low in a while. Yeah, it reminds me a lot of aiden when we were back in the old house and he was like he was two separate days he was like i won every game i played he like played lee he played mogi and he was like it was a good day that was a great day and then he had another day he was like remember that day i told you about this was the opposite everything sucks i'm sad you're back on the gaming train, and I'm scared. Everyone's gaming.

I feel like you, for a while, quit. Yes. And your mood before you quit was definitely based on how your gaming was going. And it was like, if the game was going good, you were kind of neutral. If it was going bad, you were sad and mad. And then, when you quit, it was like, you was like you're always kind of at a neutral state. And now I feel like you're going to go back to mood swing aiming. No. Ludwig needs a stable home.

Okay? And you being on the rift and the rant, not going to do it. I had a breakthrough. Can't make a house out of a hoe. Oh, you had a breakthrough? He's looking at his crosshair now. No, that's not what I said. Wait, I mean, what did you break through? The breakthroughs, it's not even worth,

it's just a Valorant breakthrough. Yeah, it's like a very Valorant specific breakthrough. I found out how to peek angles better. Also, so Amon, it's funny, I cracked him open a couple weeks ago. I wanted to be in a car with you and tell you my theory because I cracked him open and I was like, I get you now.

And I was like, here's the thing. You are so measured and you are so even keel all the time because you have a binary. There's this giant bucket where everything you are like, no, that's okay. Right. That's all right. But when something is outside of that bucket, because you are so used to just saying a lot of things are okay. If it's something is slightly out of that bucket is annoying to you it really hurts and you flip out you know that that amen and he i explained this to him and he looked at me started laughing he's like fucking i hate that you're right and then i did a victory lap around the kitchen it was the first i can't believe you gave it to him i said it because i thought about it for a while and i was like this is the first time that you have made a grandiose assumption about my personality.

Oh, man. We fucking get there. And I was like, you're right. You've also, what you've done is you've validated his sense about you. Like, when he gets that, like, spidey sense about you, you've sort of just validated it. See, that's the problem. Because then he says that, right? I've always been right been right i say we're the same you've been wrong so many times before i said we're the same before the podcast existed i said we're the same and then

he'd be like no we're not and then he'd come back a week later and be like we're the same and that really happened i remember we went to austin and we went to a coffee shop in texas and then you said we're the same and then you left for a bit and then he was like we're not the same I've had that exact exact same moment you know what else happened with Aiden funny Aiden story he goes

he's telling some story about some friend he has he has a wide birth of friends and that was a sentence you said out loud yeah and defended and he thought it meant like a large variety of friends from different backgrounds and upbringings zipper can we can we get some help because i don't know this either he could say that and i would have been like yeah sure he meant breadth oh he just used the word birth but birth is like what is it birth like b-e-r-t-h

birth is like staying it's like docking a ship. No, it's a ship's allotted place at a wharf or dock. Yeah. That's what you meant. You got a wide ship. He tried to use that exact sentence to defend it. It's funny because you'd be like, that word doesn't mean that. And he'd be like, yeah, it does.

Or he'll be like, oh. It's like, why are you telling me this? You know what he would say is, but you got what I meant. Yeah. That's what he would say. He'd be like, oh, I got it wrong. Or he'd be like, yeah, I, it's like, why are you telling me this? You know what he would say is, but you got what I meant. Yeah. That's what he would say. He'd get you like, oh, I got it wrong. Or even if he does that, he's like, yeah, I got it wrong. Yeah.

Which is what it's for. And now he's ascended, and I'm proud of him. Aiden's fucking language pill, dude. I like you, man. I've said this since day one. I like you, man. You know what one of my resolutions is? One of them I can't tell the podcast because people will try to ruin it for me, but I want

to tell my friends I love them more. Wow. Like in Ludwig where or in the real way? I love you guys and Carl Jacobs all equally I think I'm a firm believer in you should write down your new years resolutions if anyone's watching

I did that back in the day and it's a better way to actualize them so maybe right now if you're driving, stop. Yeah, he wrote them down, and then it ended up folded under his desk. Or if you don't have time to stop, maybe just try to write them down while you're driving. Maybe just try to. Hey, that's a great tip. We're going to get someone fucking with a camera.

I'm doing it. I'm doing what you said, guys. Isn't that funny and what you want? Local podcast fan dies. The Patreon stays forever, though. What was I going to say about Ludwig Anders, you piece of shit?

How about I tell you about Airplane Man? Tell me about Airplane Man, question mark? Airplane Man? We're flying. Oh, really quick. I didn't know Carl Jacobs

was not Carl Jobst for like way too long. Wait, what? Wow. They're so different. Who's Carl Jobst? I only watch Carl Jobst for like way too long. Wait, what? Yeah. They're so different. Who's Carl Jobst? I just know, I only watch Carl Jobst. He's a man who makes commentary on speedruns.

Yeah, he does speedrun like content on YouTube. He's like, it's a good channel. I guess they're more alike than like. They spell Carl with a K. They're more alike than maybe Carl Jacobs and a random man. All right. Anyway. I got canceled on the yard.

Anyway. I got canceled on the yard. I flew to and fro Dallas, Texas, because I surprised Cutie's family with tickets to go see the Cowboys. How much did those ones cost? Never mind. You know, don't worry about it, man. I won't. Don't worry about it, man.

As a listener of the last episode, I get it. And on the way back, I had to sit in economy. Which is... Oh, and they gave me the Biscoff cookies, but when I asked for a second one, they said, we actually can't give you two. It's not fair for you to be a rich heel because you're still rich. I know. Don't embrace this.

I'm not. I won't embrace this. I'm just telling you what happened. You were in economy. I flew economy. Like you had a fucking stick and bindle and dirt on your fucking cheeks. I asked them for a drink

and they were like, we don't serve alcohol. And I saw in first class they did have alcohol. So that's fucked. Anyway. But look, guy. And then he's like, shut up.

I'm sitting down. It's three cuties in the window crying, having a panic attack, taking Xanax because she's on a plane. She's terrified. he's like shut up i'm sitting down it's three cuties in the window crying having a panic attack taking xanax because she's on a plane she's terrified she's like drake she does take yeah she no drake's a pussy he takes half a xan she took a full xan but does she go out like a light she doesn't go out like a light she rocks and then watches tiktok takes a full xan for three hours and drake takes half a xan for like what half a Xan 15 hours till I land that's a long time I know for half a Xan half a Xan is putting in a lot of

work if it's a bar and you don't do it a lot I will say that all he does is sleep that means Drake isn't doing a lot of Xanax which is a good thing does Drake take enough Xanax yeah should we get into bars and we're sitting next to a guy who's refreshing his phone on the upgrade list.

Refreshing, refreshing, refreshing. Eventually, flight attendant comes over, taps him, and goes, you're upgraded. Puts him on first. And I knew that because I saw two seats in first, and I went, they're open. And so he got one of the seats, and I'm like, fuck yeah. I thought we'd have the whole row to ourselves. And so he got one of the seats and I'm like, fuck yeah. I thought we'd have the whole road to ourselves.

Unbeknownst to me, there was a standby pilot who boarded the plane. The pilot ends up sitting next to me and then someone comes over, I think for the same like upgrade. She's like, we'll let you know about the upgrade in a second. Bear in mind, there is a definitely a free seat. He just comes over and sits down. This thing's not looking good. Hey, is she okay? I don't think we're going to land,

by the way. He's like, oh, I'm just kidding. Turbulence is fine. This week, because of someone in the Discord, I started watching, I started watching clips

from this old Discovery Channel show called Mayday, which is just explanations behind the most horrific plane crashes of our times. And I was like, if I linked this to cutie right now it would ruin her life just the just the thumbnail would send her into a fucking spiral so don't do

that yeah that's a bad idea i won't i and i didn't do it zipper two was telling me about like a podcast she listened to today where like they talk about like why plane crashes happen and they did like a study on like korean air and uh because they like a lot of crashes in one year or something and um she said like the third like largest reason for it is miscommunication between the pilot and co-pilot and how a lot of it is like comes from status differences and how they potentially don't feel confident enough to tell them something is wrong so they attempt to like in a roundabout way hint that things are wrong. And this causes communication errors that crash planes.

And I was like, dude, you can never know this. Dude, that's so funny. You can never know that sometimes. Talky time goes wrong and we die. Hey, that's the root of all of our problems. You know what will fix this for her? Linking her the graph

that shows it's the safest form of transport. That'll tide her over. Miscommunication caused Pearl Harbor. Dude, imagine a co-pilot being like, hey, Mr. Pilot, I think that the

engine's failing. So he sat down in this row with you guys. He sat down in this row with me and then they're like talking about an upgrade.

They come back right before the flight takes off and they're like say something to him and he like motions to get up and I can't hear

the full conversation but basically the flight attendant debates him and he's like oh no we didn't actually have an upgrade for you i then piece together because he turns and i see the right side of his mask it says spirit and he's a pilot for spirit airlines and we're on american and i'm like they look down on him yeah because they could have easily upgraded this guy to first. They upgraded some Joe Schmo instead of a pilot, which I feel like normally they... Do they get first two? More of a pilot.

If you're associated with spirit, you're a fucking... You're a tarantula. And you know what the guy did for the entire three and a half hour flight? He looked at videos of planes he downloaded on YouTube. That's so sick. The whole time that's that's

like neeper it was like boston to paris in five hours and he was like watching it and then he actually whipped out his calculator app to be like let's see how long this would have been the whole entire flight i kept peeking over that's so sick and you're like what's up man how he's like plane he's just yeah he's a man of the craft and i was wondering why he was spirit but the only time he paused was to watch The Office on the main TV. Oh my God. New guy just dropped.

Dude, I would love that guy to fly me around. I'd feel safe in his hands. Delta guy would watch. That guy has, he just has the best six out of ten hinge profile. Whoa. You said hinge. Oh yeah, hinge profile. I will say, if you're a pilot on a fucking dating app, that probably goes.

Given six out of ten handies, I'd fuck. I love traveling. Hey. You know, Wendover video taught me that spirits, like, earlier, like, airlines that are very new have a lot newer planes, so they're safer. Because, like, they were just built. Oh, yeah. Because, yeah.

They oftentimes also can buy old fleets. Yeah. But, you know, it's- I heard every plane has a 1 in 10 chance of exploding. That is a big stat. We go down, she's just like fucking Squid Game Man. Yeah, she was losing it. And then she's zanned out after.

So this is what happened. There was just a spirit guy and he got cucked. He got cucked out of first and they could have given it to him. And I think it's because he's spirit. Wow. And he looked at plane videos, which reminded me of myself. We're the same. When we went to New Hampshire, I downloaded videos beforehand, which is insane.

I never thought to do that, but I watch YouTube now, content guy. And I downloaded those Roblox videos of exposing Roblox for child labor. Oh, yeah. It was really interesting. You guys should watch it. It's pretty cool. You watch some dog content. No. I watch mostly good content, and the content i'm not sure about i'd ask you and you'll tell me if it's dog and then i won't watch it you're a sunny v2 viewer i yeah i watch them because i literally don't know about a person and i'll watch like a mini

doc on them with an insanely editorialized bias and i'll be like yeah this is probably kind of what this guy my least favorite youtuber yeah actually he's willing to say that which is crazy that's sunny sunny v2 he does the videos friendship with sunny v2 you got pissed at me for watching a sunny v2 video look why i can't explain why to all his content but he releases videos almost like i would say most of his content now is like why this person is washed up yeah why this streamer's dead now why this youtuber's channel died and it's kind of like a little info doc on like epic meal time used to be the talk of the town now it's a ghost town they don't use metathemes like this is why some of it's like fine journalism but some of it's just like he did one on keemstar and it was literally like

and then keemstar did this and then it goes to a clip of Keemstar in a podcast saying that. It's like his only source. It reminds me of the Where Are They Now guy. Yeah. I hate that guy. I mean, it's never going to be a feel-good time. We were pissed at the same video, right? Because I watched the Epic Mealtime one, and I thought that was kind of interesting.

Which Epic Mealtime is the top comment on that video, and it says, hey, this is pretty accurate. Great video. So that one seems kind of solid, and it says, hey, this is pretty accurate. Great video. So that one seems kind of solid. He just says, bacon strips and bacon strips and bacon strips. Please free me from my flesh prison, please. The video that I didn't like was the one he made on Ninja, where he's just really mean to Ninja in the whole video. It's editorialized. He's like, no, because no one likes you,

fucking cringe-ass like. Yeah. I guess that's not ass like yeah no it's kind of it's kind of like that yeah and and all the car i i liked that all the comments pushed back because everybody was like hey man everybody knew that he wasn't going to be the biggest guy forever he made his money and maximized it where he could and he said he was going to do that it's like and you're just calling him a piece of shit for no reason like it's clearly a fucking hit piece all these guys have enough like social cloud as well still even ninja to the point where like you can release a video called why ninja fell off and it gets millions of views that's why i clicked i'm a clickbait boy because you know ninja and like ninja and then he

isn't the same and then i'll click it the next video the next video i watched by him that i was super curious about even though i didn't like the Ninja video because I was like, I don't want to watch this guy's videos anymore. But then they gave me one. It was the one about TanaCon. And I've been, I wanted to watch this

because every time we talk about the Ludwig event, people cite TanaCon as something to not be like. So I wanted to know what went down so that we could at least be a little better than that. I'm not saying he can't make a good video. I'm just saying he must sit in his room and then just look at people who are doing slightly bad and then be like, who should I blame? Yeah, it's like he's rubbing his hands together. It's also like, I think to be fair, it's not an insanely, I'm not going to click one that says, this guy's bouncing back.

It's much more spicy to be the fall of someone. It is sad. Kind of, but there's those, I mean, they get flack too, but there's those Upcomer or Score Esports videos where they're like the rise and fall, or like the rise, fall, and rise again

or whatever, which is a crazy title, by the way. The rise, fall, rise again. The fall whatever. Which is a crazy title, by the way. They have the Rise, Fall, Rise Again. The Rise, Fall, Rise, Fall. The Fall Time. He fell a little bit then. And then the Rise Against. And then it was a bit of a trough.

It was like a little lighter. But anyway, those videos are cool when people, if you can provide the narrative for why the comeback is important. You know what I found out when I was watching those? Because I watched one on RiceGum. Because I literally do not know who RiceGum is besides being mentioned, right? By Ludwig a couple times. You never watched the content cop?

Never. And so I watched this and I was like, dude, Ludwig talks just like RiceGum. And you didn't reply to that when I told you that. Well, you messaged me that. I don't think that's true. And I read it and I was like, I'm going to ignore this. I don't think that's true. It's just like, because it would go to clips of his old videos and he's like talking the camera and i'm like this is so much closer to ludwig than not except like ludwig youtube

you are am i crazy a decent human being and i like that about you am i crazy yeah you're crazy i'll say you're crazy this is a bad day hey it's not every pod, there's a point where you can timestamp it, and this is where slime was crazy. You know what? Maybe I'm forming too solid of an opposition here because I just hate that guy so much, and I just don't want you to be like him. Rice gum?

Yeah. Yeah, that might be the case. I could talk like him. I don't know, and I don't care to look it up. Yeah, I don't know. So, yeah, we watch content in this house. Dude, shut the fuck up. I was going...

What's that we talked about like two pods ago or something? The Kurzgesagt? Kurzgesagt. Kurzgesagt. Kurzgesagt. This is why you shouldn't drink milk. That's his best quote. I just went through one of his videos.

They're pretty good, huh? I was just like, fuck, man. These are sick. They're a little apocalyptic. That's why I don't like it. It's a little bit like science is so right always and you are nothing and it makes me feel bad other than that though it's like pretty good content i have a thing on there it says ma sopranos and because i thought it was funny because i i've talked about this with mike because mike like went

through a sopranos binge just watched a whole goddamn show i don't know if you have seen it i haven't seen the sprints it's great uh but it's like it's a lot it's a lot of fucking episodes like an hour long. But I watched it when I was a teenager when it was airing and I would download the episodes, torrent them, and then I... It was like me being like...

I started calling my mom Ma because I wanted to be cool like Tony Soprano. I can't believe you're admitting this. Yeah, it's really embarrassing. But I thought it was funny because my question to you guys, share with me, is have you guys done that before? Like, you watch something as a younger person, and then you start, like, acting like it because you think it's cool, but it's, like, cringe looking back. Oh, man.

They'll be like, Ma! And she'll be like, why are you talking like that? And I'm like, fuck, it's not working. I'm not Italian. I was one of those Peppa Pig kids who just, I had a killer British accent for all of my childhood because I watched so much Peppa Pig. Really? No, I made not Italian. I was one of those Peppa Pig kids who just, I had a killer British accent for all of my childhood because I watched so much Peppa Pig. Really?

No, I made that up. That was a crazy off the fly. I would have believed that. The one that I do and it's recently enough is, I don't even know who it's from, but some guy who says like,

oh, I says to him. Yeah, I hate that. I don't know where it's from, but it's from something that I watch and I was like, oh, I like I says to him. I don't think you do it to be cool though. I do it because I like when the guy to him. Yeah I hate that. I don't know where it's from. But it's from something that I watch. And I was like. Oh I like I says to him. I don't think you do it to be cool though. I do it because I like when the guy did it.

So I do it. The same reason. I says to him. Yeah I was going to say. You eat ramen like this. With the bowl on your head. Like an anime character. That's how you.

You should see him. I slurp it up. And then I say. It's a sign of respect. In Japan. Don't rub the chopsticks together. I've surely done this as a kid, but I can't remember an example. I know for a fact.

I feel like there must be something that I co-opted at some point. I remember there was something from this. There's this Canadian kid's cartoon called the Jacob Tutu. And I remember thinking, yeah, I know. Like, hey, you know what? This is your space. But I've been trying over there and I remember

some stuff from that that stuck stuck with me for a while and then I don't know if this really counts but you know how you'd be at school and people would just

rip Spongebob quotes all the time I'm ready that is I'm gonna say the worst quote you could have yeah that's crazy why like that one everybody would do that one being in the lunch line and say I'm ready. That is, I'm going to say it, the worst quote you could have pulled.

Why? That's crazy. Why? Like that one. Everybody would do that one. Being in the lunch line and saying, I'm ready, and then looking over at your friends like, from SpongeBob. Like somebody.

Like Borat. You get it? That's Ninja's stream. Yeah. Ninja will say some shit, but he can do like an impression of patrick or spongebob or whoever that's like a ninja definitely has like christian like youth group leader energy which is not far off from like the truth right no but it's just like he's like yeah i'm a little goofy a little zany he'd be your camp counselor there's definitely there's definitely a camp

counselor who's exactly like him and then reaches his breaking point and does the whole, listen here, you little shit. To be clear, most people, I think, pull from what they watch to an extent, like little things. Even people who watch The Yard a lot or my stream will pull things from that. There are people walking around who watch H-Rock, little H-Rock heads going, Cricky Crunchmas,

which that exists in the universe. Get held back. We don like that exists in the universe. Get held back. We don't want you in the world. What I hate is the amount of people whose personality is just quoting TikToks. Yeah. Bing bong? Oh, dude. Dude. People who are, their whole form of

communication is just saying TikToks back and forth to each other. Do you queue in with people like that in Valorant sometimes? Okay, Radjet's over here. Okay, go back to them. That's crazy because Bing bong didn't even start on TikTok, right? I believe it was a YouTube video. It was Side Talk. Side Talk NYC. Yeah, but it was posted on TikTok.

And also people just think it's so weird because it's like people, it's just morphed into saying Bing Bong for no reason. But the reason they say that is because it's the intro to all of his videos. It's like a friend of the channel. The left says Bing Bong and the right says Brandon. It's like one of the sounds in the subway or something. A call sign for the ages. Or like fucking just yelling like Joe Byron.

Here's the thing. We as humans need to feel connected and it doesn't matter. We used to think it was God, but it's not. delillo said it could be toyota celica and that could be something we connect with and it doesn't fucking matter that's why what's the connection thing if you watch the yard the yard uh we're the same people love that you want that to be it no i don't want it it just is people tell me that we are the same as i've had so many people say like they i they have taken that bit and they have put it in their friend group that's okay we used to get kind of upset we were like we

the bad melee podcast was where we would bring bits that we were ready to kill yeah and now it's just like you know what it's okay bad melee is where you bit off arizona bits yeah 100 and then ran but i didn't know i didn't know. Which were just biting off Australian bits. No. No. We didn't know them. No. We actually didn't know them.

I didn't know that we were biting AZ bits until way later. This is before me. I would have felt more. Well, we. I was part of it. Yeah. If I let them run a train on me,

I deserve it. No, I heard them bite one. I don't remember which one. I heard them bite one of our bits and I was like, yes. Yeah, finally. Finally. We give back. Hey, fair trade. Thank you, and I was like, yes. Yeah, finally. Finally. Let me give back.

Hey, fair trade. Thank you, boys. Pleasure doing business. One to one. Really, it all just comes from douchebag Dylan. He pretty much invents every bit, and then it goes through the pipeline, then we take it, and we turn it into sausages. Let's ride, Pappus riders.

What happened, Ludwig? Bo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-ing. Tell me about Kingdom Hearts, man. Yeah, I've been... Dude, I'll send you a picture zipper. I've been grinding Kingdom Hearts Final Mix, right? Because it's like you can buy the game with all of them. Yeah.

Is that 1, 2, and 3? It's 1, 2, Chain of Memories, which is a remake of a Game Boy Advance game in 3D, which is crazy. The remake is good. I played the Game Boy Advance game in 3D which is crazy the remake is good I played the Game Boy Advance game that's how fucking I played all these fucking games

I did too and then it also comes with Birth by Sleep the PSP game which is also pretty good good game and it's crazy and it's like damn

and it plays well on the PlayStation the value here is crazy and I so right now I've just been playing through it and Ludwig came home when they came back

from New Hampshire and my door's opening just hearing like freeze goofy deep freeze reeku and he's just like playing kingdom hearts like my dad yeah and i'm like yeah and i just dude i've been putting like 10 12 hour sessions oh my god just grinding but now i'm at end game and I really want the ultimate weapon and I want to beat Sephiroth so I sent this to you zipper um this is my setup so I I lay on my carpet right there and I grind kingdom hearts to grind mats to get the ultimate weapon because it takes a while and then watch movies holy shit and so I'm like deep in it and then I asked Ludwig so if you guys don't know uh our friend Zeke who made a funny little clip of us talking about him, we retweeted it,

but he came to LA and he needed a place to stay so he stayed at Ludwig's old studio apartment and he was there for like a week, right? Yeah. And you guys just played

Kingdom Hearts together. Yeah. And every day you would come home for work and play Kingdom Hearts. I had this experience with Ludwig too. We 100% of the game.

So, but I asked Ludwig, I was like, you guys doing it on proud mode? Ludwig was like, yeah. And then I asked Zeke later on, I was like do you guys do it on proud mode? Ludwig was like, yeah. And then I asked Zeke later on, I was like, do you guys do it on proud mode? He was like,

absolutely not. We are pussies. And then I went to Ludwig and I was like, you didn't do it on proud mode. He's like, I beat Jump King. Fuck you.

That's actually the Ludwig. Yeah. He was just finding another instance that doesn't matter. I beat Pogo Sub 2. Don't talk to me. And I was like, he's right,

but you didn't do what I'm doing. I did beat all three Jump Kings in less than 45 minutes, and you can't touch me. I did see you grinding. That was hype. Anyway, yeah, I've been grinding, and it's on proud mode, and it's really hard. And it's nice to just play video games. I don't know. Yeah.

I'm a degenerate now. It's so funny that you're playing Kingdom Hearts 1 again. I haven't played it since I was a kid. You've never played Kingdom Hearts 3. No, because I want to play them all and then play Kingdom Hearts 3. You're going to be so sad. You're like me reading Dune. Yeah, I'm like that.

Before I watch the movie. That's, yeah. It's the same. You are the same again. Again, here we are, two of the same guy. And you have to say it. You have to agree now. I agree with you because we're the same.

Dude, by the way, remember in the episode with your beautiful mother that we were talking about the trivia? Shit, bro. Talking about the trivia thing? He's got a bit of a tube, though. Someone came up with a good, if we ever have a trivia battle or something where we get mad at each other about opinions, someone had a good fucking reward for that, which is whoever wins, anytime there's an argument, someone else has to say, shut up, pussy boy, and they have to shut up, and they have to agree.

Oh, wow. And I like that a lot. Yeah. Because then you can just stomp it out. Forever? Maybe like a year. else has to say shut up pussy boy and they have to shut up and they have to agree oh and i like that a lot because then you can just stomp it forever maybe like a year until the next argument i would say you get like 10 times no i think it's good for like a year and it's only about like movies media whatever right i would like deeper things yeah i would hate if this was imagine this applies to like business meetings dude you had sex with my... Shut up, pussy boy. Yeah. Dude. So I think that's a good idea if you want to get a fucking ball rolling on that. It's not a bad idea.

Yeah. Hey, look. We got to get the ball rolling on the tattoo contest. What's up with that? Oh, the bracket's made. We're ready to go. We're ready to go. This is Kingdom Hearts.

We're ready to go. And he's Riku. Wait. Were we going to do it this week? We were going to do January 6th. Can we lock that in? Well... Tell you what. After the right now episode... I'm busy that day. I got to go to Washington. Wait, were we going to do it this week? We were going to do January 6th. Can we lock that in? Well, I'm busy that day.

I've got to go to Washington. We're going to figure it out, so don't fret. Wait, what? Nick being in COVID was... Are you actually going to Washington? Of course not. I believed you, too. January 6th? Do you not get it?

Oh. I thought you meant the state. Yeah, because you would. Me and you. Same person right now. I thought he said that too. I didn't get it, but I got what he was saying now. That's why people say D.C. And we should go to the capital and do something about it.

Jesus, fuck. The podcast makes too much money to make that up. Yardigans, it's time we take our country back. Call them Yardigans. Stand back and stand by. They show up with signs that says Biden. We are not the same. So we're doing it what day?

January 6th. You want to do that day? In the bracket. I'm down. Is this a live experience? Yeah, it's going to be live in the Patreon Discord. 7 p.m. In the Discord.

Don't do that. We don't know that yet discord 7 p.m in the discord don't do that we don't know that yet 7 p.m civic standard time europeans eat shit that's right that's right that stays and so are people voting yeah yeah strangers on the internet are voting well they're patrons they kind of they're like allowed so if you are subscribed to the patreon you have access to the discord call in which you can open the stream that this is occurring. If you're not already in the Discord, hop in the Discord. Do all levels of patrons get the same vote? Yes, sir.

If you become a patron, can you still do it if you join today? Yes, sir. As long as you're in there before January 6th. Because this YouTube episode, Ludwig, it comes out on Thursday mornings. I don't know if you know that. And after that, later that day, after people watch the episode, we'll do the voting that evening. So that everybody who hears this can participate. That makes sense.

That's hype. And I have seeded the bracket. Yeah, Aiden seeded all of the tattoos. Well done. Look, hey, here's your one time to join the Patreon. This is probably the most value you'll get. Yeah, you literally get to just... And you get 27 bonus episodes.

Here's... Guys, I'm telling you right now, if you are strapped for cash, go to the Patreon, download all the episodes, and then cancel your subscription. It's okay. We're okay if you do that.

Just drop a fiver, do it real quick. It's totally fine, okay? Download our episodes, upload it to a YouTube channel called... Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck... We will strike up. Shut the fuck up. We will strike you. But it's okay.

Make a multi-gigabyte torrent. Because people are like, yeah, I feel bad. Like I can't fucking, I can't do it. I would love if like, I could go on LimeWire and it's like the yard

entire Patreon collection. Download it and it's just Soulja Boy Crank That. That would be so sick oh dude we also are coming out with an item that we're i'm putting together i think it's really gonna be fucking sick i don't want to fucking spoil it i wouldn't spoil i wouldn't but it's very very sick i know this item it's very like it i'm down to like it it's a t-shirt hey not a shirt you know what's crazy by the way real quick so i did a stream with this vtuber

named iron mouse i'll have to become a vtuber because i lost our contest i saw that can you become like a big dick and a ball like just a giant talking dick yeah there's a guy shindogs i think on twitter really really funny he made my esports dream like simulator yeah and he makes yeah shindags makes really funny vtuber like avatars he made one that's a gun so that talks yeah it's really you should hit him let's get connected yeah that sounds like like yeah great i bring it up only as a small quip but someone was like hey i made this song for iron mouse finally finished it took me so long and the song title i shit you not is dance with the devil and nobody in the comments said anything.

And I didn't want to be the guy to reply and be like. This is the most fucked up song I have ever heard. The most important song you'll ever listen to. I was like, damn. We got to have a moral technique. You got to rethink that because when people look for it on YouTube, they're going to hit it. Did you see my reply to the Logan tweet? Yes.

So for some backstory, a smasher named Logan's tweet has since been deleted, but made a tier list of the different religious scripts. It was big enough that it hit my timeline. I don't follow him, and most people I follow aren't smash. Yeah. But it hit mine because so many people were quote retweeting it or replying. It was pretty bad taste. It was pretty custom because because it's very custom because one of the tiers was like dog water and it was like judaism and it's like pretty don't do that right you're gonna

it was it was supposed to be based off them reading the text and like oh it was supposed to be my favorite catholicism is an l dude it was so good points but like american catholicism is an L it was like good points but like American Catholicism is an L yeah that was one of the tiered names they reduced all Shintoism to like interesting AF so Logan drops an incredibly base tweet and we're in the discord call it's me and Mike and a few others

and we're talking about how insane this is and we're immediately like we could workshop the perfect reply to this tweet we're all together hive minding was it the wise the wise man one no it's the reply the redo it was my wise man one was where where he was like we were talking about like what could i was like it started off like we just add canes to the list and just put it in and then mike was like you have to put dance with the devil in the tier where it says like interesting AF. And we're all in this call losing our minds.

Like say, oh, we're about to form the perfect tweet. Mike's reply was like the three wise men beating your ass in the QRTs. Yeah, yeah. I just wanted to show the sausage we're made for a sec. We definitely hive minded that one. Sometimes you get in the call and just fucking get to it. What's crazy is he ripped that tweet and then went to bed. Yeah, this happened.

I got in some beef with Logan, who I believe goes by TheyThem, where they put up a tweet that was like commentary in a nutshell, melee commentary, because they're like a sick melee player. And it was me basically saying, this person is doing really good, and then they die. So it made it look, and if your melee commentator is not good at the game by the way, all you do is get shit on for not being good.

And whatever, being a cloud chaser. And so I took this and interpreted this as damn, this person is cooking me? What the fuck? And so I replied very meanly. What? I know. Like off rip? You were mean know that? Like off rip?

You were mean to someone? Online? I know. Wow. But it was fucked up because I felt slighted because I was like, I defended you in goddamn Ludwig's chat

and I clipped it where I was like, people were coming from the BTS stream because Logan was on the couch and people were like, get this fucking person off the couch

and I was like, don't, and they were coming in Ludwig's chat and being like, thank God we got away from that commentary. Oh yeah, that was all day. And I was like, get this fucking person off the couch. And I was like, don't. And they were coming in Ludwig's chat and being like, thank God we got away from that commentary. Oh, yeah. That was all day. And I was like, don't fucking come in here. Like, it's your little safe haven.

You fucking be nice to people. Go fuck yourself. And I was like, I defended you and you're shitting on me. Eat my shit, et cetera. Yep. And anyway, Logan was not awake for like the whole day. Same shit. Same shit. Which is just like people you wake

up it says 20 plus you're like oh yeah maybe one of my combos popped and it was and then and then logan's like oh dude like i didn't mean it that way like defended themselves but then i was like wasn't that like no one really believed that and like defeat deleted the defending and it was like yo i'm sorry like i get how this was misinterpreted and it just happened again where it's like bad faith uh interpretation and then not sleep not waking up for 15 hours straight in the daytime or whatever yeah and then just coming back to your phone and be like oh god what have i done it's like you click the unlock button the taco bell bell goes off anyway 20k patrons we drop our tier list yeah the world religions yeah we and also we rank all women also nationalities every woman

meryl streep go here you hear about our our decom tier list we We were watching the movie this week. Tiger Cruise. Which D-Com moms are most likely to throw it back? We need to get on that. The D-Moms? The D-Moms. The D-Moms tier list. If you don't make a D-Dads one, you're sexist.

100%. Oh, you think we're not getting... Which D-Dads I want to see in the shower? No, which D-Dads did you throw? Which D-Dads give the best pipe? Yeah, that's it. Which D-Dads have that best pipe? That's it. Which D-Dads have that D-Dick? Now I'm on board with the Tearless. And it's just Mickey, but he's like

balding with a huge cough. Not the dad in this movie. That guy's low. What'd you say? Zipper just pulled up a Tearless. I don't know if it... Oh, yeah, it is. Disney Channel Mom's Tearless Maker. Wow. This is not what I want. The title's wrong. I know, but it's wrong. I don't like this. I know, but it's weird that that already exists. It is weird. It is not what I want. The title's wrong. The title's wrong. I don't like this.

I know, but it's weird that that already exists. It is weird. It's not about attractiveness. It's who's most likely to throw it back. Okay, first of all. Which is better? Crass. That's right. Yeah.

Sorry, he's a patrician. We need to... Who has the sickest gas? Who has the what? The sickest what? Oh, the sickest gash. Gash. Yuck.

And now Aiden's a problematic one. You're problematic, bro. Get him, Clippers. If we were trying to move away from the locker room vibe, we've just solidified it. Which decal, mom, has the best mood? Oh, my God. That's the first time that's been said. Which decal, dad?

Yeah, for sure. You've said a unique sentence. Which the world of Portal unlocks. It's like, you've said it. You've said the one sentence. Yeah, I can go to the nether now. Fight the inner dragon. Someone make that.

Someone make that. Someone make Deacom dad dead. What's boy mutt? Oh, like. Oh, butt? I was. It's boot. That boy. i was i was asking you this we were playing valorant brainstorming because it was it was all of us and we were talking about but and just like every time we do we would just say it and then we'd all collectively like ah but you're like you're trying it out like you're on the

school like playground i'm looking for some bash. So my question is, is there equivalent maybe for like, okay, you're all right. Are you good, bro? He's okay. He's rocking. Dude, you dropped your present. You dropped your pocket. Oh, I looked. That's unfortunate.

Watch out for that dry puddle. Watch out for that dry puddle. And so I was wondering if there's like a male version of mutt, which is like makes it feel that gross, but you're talking about dick and balls. I believe the example was some stink. Yeah. I was like, oh, I'm going to go get some stink tonight.

And then Sok was like, oh, yeah, we say hoop. What? Like a hole, like butthole. I'm going to get some hoop. Oh, my God. So that's kind of, I don't know. At some point, after the emu war, they solved comedy. It was very soon after.

Hey, this was pretty funny, hey lads? We lost to the birds. They did lose to the birds. Yeah, they just got what it takes. Where are we, by the way? I want to finish this up because it's been on the list for two weeks. John Madden. What's he doing here?

He died. Oh. Wait, did you actually not know? He knew. Me and Ludwig, when it happened, it was last week, and we just never got to talk about it. And I thought it was interesting because Madden is funny because he's like, we just never got to talk about it.

And I thought it was interesting because Madden is funny because he literally has the emblematic series of NFL games is named after him, Madden. But he's not a player. He's just a guy. I think he might have been. No. He was a coach. Was he a coach?

Yeah. He was 100% a coach. Ludwig, as a resident football expert, I need you to explain his significance and notoriety outside of video game. Okay, don't ask the 26-year-old. Yeah, that predates Ludwig. You're the oldest person on the pod. I did not get into football

until 2011. Oh, Tebow? No, when Tom Brady threw a 99-yard touchdown pass. That's the same year he kissed his son. Is that the same year he kissed his son on the lips and tongue? You saw the video and you said, maybe I have a chance. Is that where he scorched some mutt from his son? It's called butt.

It's called butt. It's right. Anyway, Sean Madden, a bit of an icon. You know what, by the way? This shows you how disgusting clout is. Betty White died. Everyone's throwing a who and a ha because she didn't reach 100.

Today, Kane Takana turned 127. Oldest human alive. No way. No one gives a fuck. Well, I do now. Well, you didn't know. Who is he? Was he on a show? It's a woman. Oh, was she on a show? No, she's just the oldest

human literally in the world. Did she die? No, she's just the oldest human literally in the world. Did she die? No, she's alive. She just had a birth. Well, maybe she should die like Betty White and then we'll care. I'm just saying, turning the oldest age anyone is. But here's the thing. I don't think people were saying around when Betty White wasn't known to be dead,

dude, Betty White's about to turn 100. That's crazy. They were. People were saying that before. She trended on Twitter three weeks before her birthday. I'm straight up wrong. That's rough. Yeah. That sucks. She trended on twitter three weeks before her birthday that's rough yeah that sucks that is she trended because she was about to turn 100 and she died she's like she's like hey watch this these fuckers don't know what's coming they had no idea flips a kawasaki

anyway yeah that is that is you know maybe maybe because that person was already the oldest human alive she is they didn't mean any. I didn't think also. It's just the number, right? It's like 128 would be the next one. That's not that interesting of a number. Actually, excuse me. She's 119.

Oh, you dumbass. You don't even remember the number. You didn't even say her name right. Okay, I got a few things wrong on the story. You've watched like about 1 billion videos about your penis. I didn't pronounce this lady's name. Dude, if someone can Photoshop that, she's like. She's kind of hitting the pose, though. About one billion videos about she's got the eyes. I didn't pronounce this lady's name. Dude, if someone can Photoshop that, she's like... I think the oldest human to have ever been ever is 122.

Zipper? Oh, we need zipper. Zipper's getting a workout today. It's a French woman. Dude, the shit is... Oh, you killed that. 122. Holy shit.

Damn, they died when Aiden was born. That kind of makes sense. And I will live for 122 more years. You carry on her legacy. And combined, you guys are 244 years of history. That's who Aiden was in his past life. Swag. It is crazy to have more years past your 100 than some people have.

Yeah. You know? It's like, oh, I got 100 more years. I don't think I want to make it past 100. I want to be immortal and live in space. That's ideal. Like the technique.

I want to make it to 103. You farting in your nice pants? Hey, well, thanks so much for watching this episode of The Yard, everyone. Again, one final reminder to maybe check out

the Patreon. If you want to vote for Nick's tattoo, he's going to get a real tattoo on his body and you guys will literally just pick what it is. Thought maybe we all

just forgot. Thought maybe we'd move on. Nah, thought we all just forgot. Also, a lot of stuff got backed up because of Nick working at BTS and Nick getting COVID. Yeah, I got December, I got fucking O. So there's a bit of a lage between the badges of things coming out, but this is, you know, we'll pick it right back up.

Anyway, thanks for watching. Thanks for watching. I like aiming a lot. All right. Bye-bye now. Oh, wait, we got clickbait. No, they know. When have you ever given up on clickbait? We clickbaited the Patreon already.

I did it subtly. No, clickbait for the bonus episode that we're going to shoot right now. It doesn't matter because they're all going to go subscribe to Vogue. During my time with COVID, I nutted in a jar and kept it the whole time. Why would you do that? And I'll show everyone on the Patreon. I don't want to see that. I don't want to do that either.