The Yard - Ep. 29 - Why Jschlatt has to come on this podcast

Episode Date: January 26, 2022

Hey there, fellow gamers! This week the boys recount their adventures gambling in vegas, Ludwig and Nick settle an argument, and Aiden does something racist, again.

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🎵 🎵 You know how they say at Tony the Tiger that he was the one and only tiger? Who has ever said that he's the only one? Nick was singing the song. He went, one and only tiger with the one and only tiger. Who has ever said that he's the only one? Nick was singing the song. He went, one and only tiger with the one and only taste. It's not true. Hey, Eamon.

Way more. Hey, Eamon. I like the way you taste. Oh. You taste good. That's weird. You're yummy. You're a tasty little tiger.

You know how I taste. This is the bottle I peed in last week. No. You wash it out like a good boy. Take a sip. Sip it. Get a sip going.. You know how I taste. This is the bottle I peed in last week. No. You wash it out like a good boy? Take a sip. Sip it. Get a sip going. That's how hydrated he is.

He just goes again. Give me one. Give me one. Fucking puff, puff, puff. That's about the color of the pee. Anyone want a sip? No, I don't. Really?

I want you guys to know that the last time I got a blood test, about eight months ago, the doctor said, you have some of the best functioning kidneys I have ever seen. Really? Yes. One time I got an ultrasound on my heart and she said, you have the arch of the week. What? Wait, what?

Like a soul caliber watch. Your heart arch? Yeah. Arch of the week. And she just complimented it. And I was like, oh, that's so nice. Yeah, my heart is very attractive. But then I was like, the week. And she just complimented it. And I was like, oh, that's so nice. Yeah, my heart is very attractive. But then I was like, the week? Wait, is it a compliment? No, it sounds like an insult.

No, it was the best arch she's seen. She pulled up your heart? Oh, of the week. Yeah, of the day. Not that he's so weak. I thought she pulled up the heart. She's like, oh. It's content brain versus nerd brain.

It is shitty of her to say that if she's had like three up the heart. She's like, ugh. It's content brain versus nerd brain. It's so weak and feeble. It is shitty of her to say that if she's had like three patients that week. That's what I'm saying. So go fuck yourself. She gave you a little gold star. Lady. Part of the week, sonny. It's such a good heart.

Welcome to the yard, by the way. Welcome back. You might be wondering what you just watched earlier before we started. That's actually a real estate commercial that my dad was in because he knew a guy who like sold real estate. He's actually my age. And they shot a commercial, which we didn't even know about.

Actually sent it to the group chat when I was with him. But yeah, he unfortunately died. That's no meme. He's dead. And I wrote about it. If you guys want to check it out, I'll put it in the description for the video.

And yeah, thanks for letting him make you laugh through me. it if you guys want to want to check it out it's i'll put it in the description for the video and yeah thanks for letting him uh make you laugh through me you sent you sent me that video and as two people who speak about our dads so frequently and compare them and tell stories i i watched it and i was just like dude oh my god it's it's so it's so beautiful when he mouths all the words yeah that part is so funny the unfortunate part of that commercial is that the guy who's doing it with your dad, presumably the guy who owns the business, is just not good. You know, he has different skill set. Yeah, he's there for flipping houses, all right?

He's there for flipping houses. He's got some slack. The guy is like my age. It's really weird. That's crazy because I talked to him. He looks 40. Yeah, well, he's a nice guy but i thought i was like he's like yeah i met your dad when i was 18 and he was like you know showing me some stuff and and like 10 years later they're

just playing poker together and he's a real estate agent he's like hey you want to be in a commercial and he was like yeah and that's how i can only imagine it comes from the same place your brain is when we're like yo we should get coney in a commercial. Like, we should, like, throw one of the homies in a commercial. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kony 20XX, by the way. Oh, yeah. Not 2012. Or not 2022. Not Ugandan Warlord. It would be hype if you threw him in, though,

for a spot. No, well, I was also saying Smash Kony. That's who I thought. And now I'm imagining Smash Kony as the guy that we need to take down. Or the guy who jerked off in public after trying to take Coney down. That's what if it's both? Hey, let's just throw all of them in the cancel train.

Two sides are both the same. All sides the same. I want to see Smash Coney recreate one of Coney 20 XX's songs. Fucking Eyes Red? Eyes Red. I want Smash Kony to do Eyes Red. This is the level of idea people comment at BTS sketches. Like, dude, they should do Kony 2022.

And it's Kony from Smash Ultimate. Oh, the Ken Chen? Yeah. That'd actually be pretty funny. I will say, that's a good idea. Oh, you want to hear something about Ken Chen? Yeah. This blew my mind.

What happened? So you guys will hear, know Grace, who you all worked with from BTS. She now works at 100 Thieves. And I did a shoot at 100 Thieves for Jay Shalette on Friday. Yeah.

And we're talking and I'm in a group and it's like me, Grace, and someone else. And then she talks about how she has a list of the top 10 funniest people. She has a PR.

Yeah, she keeps a PR, yeah. What? She has a PR. Yeah. She keeps a PR. Yeah. She has a PR. I didn't know about this. Public PR. And she would, she would use it as like social equity. Like she would go to you and she'd be like,

what's a few points down on the PR. Yeah. And you'd be kind of like, Oh no. You're thinking about like, well, what can I do next? You're like trying to impress this coworker.

Yeah. So she, she brings up this PR. She talks about how slime you would go up to her and you'd like run a bit and like stand there and like wait for a response. I don't know if this is true. I don't know. Maybe.

That's kind of how she phrased it. And anyway, I'm talking through it and she's like, I'm like, I feel like you have a fuck sense of humor. So I feel like your PR is all whack. She's like, no, it's great. And I'm like, okay, where would you rank someone like Ken Chen? And she's like, oh a fuck sense of humor. So I feel like your PR is all whack. She's like, no, it's great. And I'm like, okay, where would you rank someone like Ken Chen? And she's like, oh, he's the funniest.

And I was like, throw out the whole PR. Throw out the whole thing. You open her iPod, it's just like all Weird Al Yankovic songs. It's fluffy lemons. They replaced the words. That one clip of Ken, the ESL one was a hit with the Discord.

We were talking about that for a while. Ken Chen, by the way, if you guys don't know, is hot bid. Esports hot bid. He's probably the most funny boomer of esports that exists. He was funny in esports before it was all the thing. To be clear, I said he should be 8'9", like a sleeper. Yeah, he should be like, oh, fuck, I gotta play Ken. He's not top billing.

It's his consistency that's the issue. Oh, Ken's my second seed? What the fuck? At the Arcadia. One of Ken's, like, famed bits was, like, messaging, he messaged me, and he did this to a few people. Oh my god, dude, this is so stupid. I hate this bit. But he sends this whole

paragraph about how he's created this discord for, like, his very close friends. And if you're cool, like he really wants to add you to it. So you can spend more time like outside of work together. And you're like, cool. And so you say yes to it. And then he invites you to a discord server with only you and an account called Joe Biden. With the headshot of Joe Biden's profile picture and him.

It's just you three. He's moving up fast. In general, it's just Ken saying, hey, and moving up fast in general it's just ken saying hey and no one else has said anything dude it was so stupid because he did it to me and i was like dude i i want to see what because i remember i might have said something where he asked me if i wanted to join and i was just like no and then like you know as a joke right and then the whole bit like grinds to a halt but yeah he he would do that shit he would in the office ken chen would sit there and while we were supposed to be like

planning events you know using our time wisely he would be trying really hard and pitching me fake am i the asshole posts to post on reddit fake ones yeah and so he would pitch he could get karma he was just trying to get to the top by creating a story rather than like... And he would just pitch it. And he's like, so okay, what do you think of this one? That's like a little psychopathic. Because you have to think like a psychopath to be the asshole that you write about.

That's been happening since the beginning of time. Do you remember the app FML? Yeah. So like when the iPhone came out, FML very quickly came out and it was the same thing as Am I the Asshole? But kind of like... Oh yeah! Mostly bullshit happening toML? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, when the iPhone came out, FML very quickly came out, and it was the same thing as Am I the Asshole, but kind of, like, mostly bullshit happening to you. Yeah. It was so obviously, like, most of them are fake. That's a lot of Reddit.

Yeah. And they pop off on TikTok. It'll just be, like, the posts, and then read out by, like, Brian Text's speech. It'd be like, you know, Am I the Asshole? Or, like, What's a Secret You Could Never Tell Anyone? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, what's this unpopular? What's opinion that got you like this? And then it's a bunch of people holding knives at you. I was like, what's a secret you could never tell anyone? Oh, God. Hey, what's this unpopular? What's opinion that got you like this?

And then it's a bunch of people holding knives at you. I was like, go fuck yourself, dude. And then, because those threads on Reddit back then were always to just quietly be like, you know what? I think black people just commit a lot of crime. You know? That was literally it. They were like that.

It was literally just like people being like, hey, I'm just saying. And it was like, oh, you just want to be racist. Couple things. Not all cops are heroes. Yeah. And let's look at the crime charts. This segment is going to bode terribly for the new Yard Out of Context Twitter that popped up recently. Oh, dude.

Out of Context Twitters are so dead. Are they dead? What happened to yours? It was four years ago. It popped off i remember that i enjoyed those posts a lot of we got a context was a big vehicle of growth there has to also be funny you can because you can take because you can take out of context bits that are just like and when you take them out of the context they're not funny they were originally

funny and then you just take a bit and you've made it not funny somehow it is a it is a like what do you call it a parasitic effect right it's like if the cow's dead the little birds aren't gonna also be funnier than these are accounts by the way that take segments of something like you say something they take out the context and it just it's just left with you saying fucking i'm not gonna it's gonna happen to me no no like amen's penis looks like a bird's. That's in context. No. Well, to them, it'll seem out of context. Out of context yard, but it's just Amon. Out of context Amon, and it's just only times. And it's like, I fucking hate Zykudo.

He's like changing outfits in the cuts. It's Slime's voice over him just talking. Someone just fucking hates you. I mean,bing slime's voice over mine would be sick yeah we were talking earlier about how like what you guys are saying like oh we do an episode but it's just the amen episode yeah i was downstairs i was joking i was like actually you guys could stay down here this week's the amen app i'm just gonna do it by myself and then i was like we could script and time this out where i make an entire conversation between four me's sit and record 90 minutes in each chair and then just just you know mask it over yeah and create create a podcast like those all amen

all the time yeah when joe rogan talks to himself yeah just Eamon but four. Who do you think functions the best and if we had to send one of us up to do the full thing, who do we send? This is obvious. Probably. Like Ludwig Ludwig just. Why is it obvious? Stamina. Stamina is the only reason. Me knocking it out of the park. Me in the outfield.

Over the fence. He grabs it. Oh, he grabs the ball. Oh, his nipples are out. His nipples are out his nipples are out they're getting longer by the second like Pinocchio he lied

but his nipples are in the nose instead oh he's so beautiful it's four nicks and it's just like it's like

you know jack manifold and then one nicks like man eye fold and then another nicks like yeah but I be jacking man

yeah and they just keep doing that forever it's like a loop of just bastardizing each bastardized joke gets further away so you can keep making new ones off the other. And that's – there's the 90 minutes of content right there. That's just how rap works.

That's just Kingdom Hearts Chain of Memories. You do that and that's your EP, bro. Yeah, I think that you would succeed. Dude, I had something. When we were talking about your growing, elongating nipples. It left my body in my mind. You were on nipples for a bit? Speaking of elongated, I sent Anthony a photo yesterday. He sent you, too?

You look like you saw it. I always send it to Anthony. I knew it was special. I sent Anthony a message yesterday. I'm like, hey, I know you usually don't care about this kind of stuff, but I bought a new pair of shoes, and I think you'd be into them and he knows i'm not gonna send him shoes like instantly he's just like what is it is that you're gonna send me fucking whatever and i just i sent him a picture in the bathroom in the complete dark with my poop in the toilet and it's like

a particularly weird one where it's like very long which comes to a perfect point dude it's like a particularly weird one where it's like very long, which comes to a perfect point. Dude, it looks like a giant's tooth. Can I see this? And in the photo are my shoes. But I forgot they were reflective. So I originally wanted to take the photo just to show Anthony. But my shoes like lit up and like reflected all cool. It's like Prezzo's profile picture.

Yeah, it looks like Prezzo's profile picture. Like the deer? Yeah. I sent it to him and I was like, check him out. Let me see your shit. Let me see your poop. A puff puff pass, bro. Finally, our second poop NFT. Did your shit end up to sell?

It's not an impressive one. Someone bid on it and then he didn't click enough buttons to care. I lost like $200 because I minted it the wrong way first, and then I had to do it again, and it was a pain in the ass. Okay, so- I got to tell you a little bit about crypto after this shit. Dude, this looks like- It's so weird.

So it's like Game of Thrones. What are you going to tell him, man? What are you going to tell him? This is Viceron's talent. Wow. It's just a weird one. Dude, it looks like a dagger. It doesn't even look like poop.

I know. It looks like Cthulhu's tentacle. And he's like in there. I'm thinking of the poop one. This is the cover of a goosebump. That looks like the snake in the airplane bathroom that bites a guy on snakes in a plane. Guys, let's talk about something else, fellas. You want one of those guys?

No, I'm all right. I'm all right. I was just... The poop water makes me gag. You don't like it? I don't like poop water. Is that your Achilles heel? Poop water?

I think you could... I think you could... Don't do that. Don't do that. I'm going to gag. I'm going to gag. Really? You're thinking about poop water?

I'm thinking about... I got to stop thinking about poop water. I'm thinking about cabinets and baseball. Let's think about something wholesome. Crypto. Let's talk about crypto, fellas. Let's talk about crypto. Dude, by the way, you're so stupid.

Dude, no. Okay. Fuck you. Wait, what happened? Dude, I'm fucking going through. We overdrew on our business account, so I had to move some money around. And it was this big tax pay. It was actually my fault.

There was this tax payment that I forgot about. Came through, and we overdrew. Like, fuck. So I had to repop to get some money in and then i look at ludwig's personal checking account and he's has like a way lower amount of money than he should because i'm the one that like dumps the money in like it's like his rich grandfather you know i click the button even though it's his money i click the button and i say here you go kiddo thanks for the allowance daddy and it's like you

know 100 grand or something and he's got way less than he should and i'm like what the fuck did he do and i look and it's just coinbase minus 15k coinbase minus 10k yesterday bro what okay he bought i called him out for this this morning he didn't know that i knew about this dude yeah he's sitting we're in the office he's sitting complaining about crypto again or something and i just bring it up he's like heard you bought 25k yesterday oh you said i was like how the fuck do you know that because i had enough money i'm not like on you know you're because he's always grilling me for how he oh i'm you you did fuck me you fucked me amen okay no you're still up. Every time you say that to me, you are still up.

Here's what happened. We had a shoot in downtown LA. It's like an hour drive. And on the way, I find this video on YouTube. It's been recommended to me for a few days. It's called The Problem with NFTs. I watched this. That video is so good.

Two and a half hour video. Oh my god. So I sit down and i watch this video you should watch it at home it explains everything if you're at any level of intelligence is it the disney fast pass video yes yes but it's the big short of nfts yeah it actually is actually short except there's no margot robbie or a bathtub it's like if the big short kept going i was gonna say selena gomez narrates the whole thing but you spoiled that now yeah my bad anyway uh so i'm i'm i'm like watching this video and i'm like damn like crypto in nfts like these are so problematic and then i get home and i looked at my crypto

wallet and i'm like oh pog and uh i go to bed i wake up That morning I wake up is the crypto crash. Yeah. Everything's down. How down is it? It's down like maybe 40%. Oh my God. Big time down. Right?

And then I'm like, after watching this video, I'm like, by the dip though. Archie, bleep this out. Two months ago, I had like crypto. And right now I'm in crypto. Oh, my God. Yeah. So I'm like, buy the dib. Buy the dib.

And then I buy the dip. I wake up the next day, drops another 15%. And then I'm like, why did I absorb literally nothing from the video that I watched? Yeah. All stupid speculative assets. It's your I watched. Yeah. All stupid speculative assets. It's your gambler. Yeah. I was going to say, the old video that you, you know, I still quote it the way you say

it in the video with Duke Vitro where you fucking bet on the timer because I love gambling. Yeah. It runs through my mind all the time. I do love gambling. You do, but you're also, you also are a baby boy, pussy boy. I am. I am a pussy boy. If I go to a casino and I have even $1,000, I still sweat a lot.

You do sweat. I wonder why. I wouldn't go above that. Why does that happen to you? I lose $1,000 and it's like I'm Superman and a bullet hit my fucking chest. Bounced off. If it's digital, it doesn't matter to me. But if it's physical, I don't know.

I feel like actually departing with the cash. I heard you. Once the floor turns into the weird casino carpet texture at the turns into a beast. I love being with you. Me and Miles after we busted out at poker. I busted out. He was up and I'm like, OK, it's time to play blackjack now. You know, it's funny because I had the last time I went to Vegas.

I like I was I got up a lot of money. And so I'm walking around in my bag with like. And I'm like, and it's still I didn i'm walking around in my bag with like 15 and i'm like and it's still i didn't put it back in my account because i'm like i'm gonna go to vegas again and i'm gonna want to play with this and whatever so i go and we play poker and like poker session ends this dealer was like really mean to miles it was really crazy and uh he's like yeah it's kind of like ruined my vibe and uh and then so i'm like all right let's go hit blackjack uh and i just lose it all and he's just watching it happen and he's like big guy give me a big guy oh dude and i'm like

because we need a big guy and it's like okay that's a 10 showing a 10 it's like okay we need a little guy and i was like the best guy to be with he's like your cheerleader and the guys never came that i needed yeah but what i was gonna say say before that is like, I was like, okay, I'll borrow you money, how much you want to play with, because it was like a 2-5 game, so it's like a $1,000 buy-in. And he's like, I don't know, like six? And I'm like, okay, and I start counting out six grand. He's like, no, I meant 600. And he's like, I like that you just went for it, though. I was just like, I don't give a fuck.

But that all happened, and I went through my usual, you know what? I'm not going to gamble for the rest of the year. You're at that point? And I might not, but I usually say that any time that happens. It was January. You went on a hero run when we went last time. I couldn't believe it. I came back like fucking, we had to catch the plane.

I have my gong-gong hat. An important thing to keep in mind, by the my, I have my, uh, gone, gone hat. An important thing to keep in mind, by the way, is that Anthony has always been like this. This isn't like a podcast got successful and now he's ripping, he's ripping 10 K at the table. It, it has been like this always. Now I remember sitting in the, uh, the Paris casino with you. Yeah.

And, and, uh, we were like talking cause you're down like pretty bad that, that trip. And I was like, how bad is it this year? How bad lifetime? And you're down like pretty bad that that trip and i was like how bad is it this year how bad lifetime and you're like you can't tell yeah that's how i prefaced it and i was like oh looking at the blue ceiling like this guy's now bad the beauty of being with miles in that spot is because like you'll get absolutely fucked for like half your savings and he'll look over and be like, it's always you and me, man. And then you'll go and he'll just be like, all right, I'll just get pizza and do whatever else. And you just forget about it instantly.

He's a great person to go with. What were we going to say? I was going to say the last time we were there, it was because you had gone down big time. I think you were down like $12,000. Big time. like big time i i think you you were down like twelve thousand dollars and in the morning we wake up we wake up for a flight to leave and you're not there and it's like 4 35 in the morning and we're wondering like where you are because we need you to go to the airport and uh we're packing everything up we have everything together you're still you're still not there and we're like we just gotta go and text him and

hopefully he meets up with us like because we have your stuff too so you can like come straight to us and we you know close the hotel door and running down the hallway comes anthony and his gone gone hat and fifteen thousand dollars in cash and he's like i ran it all back i ran it okay oh you gotta be so happy he went on a like an hour and a half run before our flight at six in the morning to get it all back and more and then and then fucking super monkey ball and then they get it back they always just get it back because i just came back a couple months later they eventually get it and that was the beautiful part of evo is like it's the only tournament, despite being the worst tournament of all time as a player,

it was the only tournament where you could get your fucking hopes and dreams destroyed in the bracket like every major and then instantly get a second shot by going to the casino and seeing if you can make a profit. Yeah. Because you get a second shot, and if you lose in the casino, it doesn't really make you feel worse than losing to a peach and bracket it's kind of the same but if you win oh man it erases the tournament you know what's funny though i've never won no that's not true

me and miles you remember when you lost the the reeds money yeah that was the that was a sad time because i was up a bunch and you weren't and uh you were like dude it was so funny with the black jaytoe you remember this It was a long time ago. I had the, the Reeds was a show with Scar and Toph and I ran that bitch. Like I did everything. I was the slime for the show and I had a debit card and I, I pulled out a thousand dollars from the Reeds bank account, a show that I managed, but had no part in producing the content for.

It'd be like slime pulling out a thousand dollars of my money from mogul money just to gamble to gamble with i mean i'm gonna put it back because i'm gonna win yeah that's actually where my mom is at it's like i'm gonna win and put this back dude that is so yeah i remember the evo trip where you and miles were out gambling really late and we're all in the same Airbnb. But I was like really worried because I didn't know he was with you. But Miles never has a phone when he's in America. So like I'm kind of his like chaperone in many ways,

more back then than now. And he hasn't responded to me or like I haven't seen him in forever. It's 6 a.m. at this point. And I'm like worried. I'm like, it was like one of the first times I've ever had to like really worry about a friend, not know if they're okay.

And then he comes home at 6 a.m. He walks in. He's like kind of drunk. And he's laughing. And he gets into bed laughing. And he falls asleep still chuckling to himself. Like every like five minutes or so. And in my head, I'm like, he went down so much.

He became the joker. He has to be down so much money if he is just like laughing we already get so mad to the point where it's funny yeah like i'm that's that's what that's what he kept doing when i lost like all that money at the at the blackjack table he's like and i was like yeah i get it but yeah that night he actually was hammered before he came home but he also was not down because we ran up $20 to like $800. Oh, really? He was up so much.

That wasn't the next day. That was the funny part. But yeah, it was because I was on a blackjack table, and it was that same 20 we were trying to run up, and I just kept getting insanely lucky. And I was like dumbfounded, and it wasn't right. It didn't feel right. And Ludwig's all the way on the other side of the table.

It's a full table. It's a couple strangers. And he's like, be happy about it. Don't look so sad. And I was like, uh-oh, Ludwig's mad that way on the other side of the table. It's a full table. It's a couple of strangers. And he's like, be happy about it. Don't look so sad. And I was like, oh, Ludwig's mad that he's not getting it. Be happy, bud. Dude, the day that I think has really turned me off, like in-person casino gambling, I went to Foxwoods.

It was like not too long ago with some friends from high school. It's a casino in Connecticut. And I brought like maybe like $1,500. And I think I'd started streaming, but I didn't have that much money at this point. And I lose it. That's more than you bring now. Say it again?

That's more than you bring now. No, it is. What the fuck? I brought a lot. I don't know why. I just thought East Coast, I'd have better luck. I lose it all. All right?

I cash out like another $500 or something. Lose that all. Eventually, at the end of the night i think i'm down like two three thousand dollars which is like like most of the money i would earn in a month and uh and i go back to the hotel room at like 4 a.m everyone's already asleep i'm sad and uh and i called my ex because i was just sad i wasn't drunk i was just sad you're like hey it's seven it's like it's like 4 a.m where she's at and she's like what are you doing and i was like i want to hear your voice i did the same thing yeah yeah hey same me and you baby you're just like i need to talk to

somebody i need i need joy i need something that gives me pleasure. I need a hug. It's like when your sim has lost all of its stats and it's just like a wallowing mess and it can't function and so it needed some contact. Everyone's down. That train clip, every time he gets a hit and he plays it, he's like,

I am fucking down millions. He's like, don't gamble. It's true. It's literally true. Yeah. So many people are not up. I'm the only person who is up here. Yeah, because you keep a fucking spreadsheet and you want to ask Kalindi

to get your quarter from him that he owed you. Didn't he do less than that? Didn't you ask for... Well, there was two different times. Tell us as the Magi, right? By all means, please. Well, there was one time...

There was one time where... You know what? Magi might have been banking both times this happened, please. Well, there was one time. There was one time where, you know what? Magi might have been banking both times this happened, actually. One time I didn't get my quarter and one time I didn't get 12 cents. And the only reason I cared about it. Dude, that is. The only reason I cared about it is because I kept a spreadsheet of all my losses and winnings on poker for the entire time that I played. I don't think you're selling us enough.

We did poker games at Smash Summits where everyone would buy in for like a hundred bucks. Yeah, that was the start. And that was like the start of it. And then that transition into like some online games that would the same group. Yeah, basically like Melee. There was these subgroups of Melee players who got into poker all around the same time and would play together. Like there was basically a group you could play with every night and I for for probably about a year or so and uh i would play poker every night with like this same group of people and that it was probably my first introduction of like honestly the first time i spent more significant amount of time like talking to you because it was the summer before i moved in with you guys yeah and like you would be in the games pretty often you'd be in the game sometimes that was when by the way mike hayes who was like talking some shit on twitter about s fat recently yeah it was funny because mike actually i dude i made him cry that one night wow that was sad yeah well i was mad because it was way before that mike hayes had uh he would go because we had an honor system because sometimes of some of us would stream i would

stream mango would stream we're playing live games with no delay amongst friends yeah poker and poker yeah and so you just don't look at the other person's stream it's just wrong but mike he wanted to look up what mango had after the hand because he folded and then so he said that and he was like i checked and we were all like what the fuck and we all chastise him right there yeah that changes the course of the game having that that information is still cheating. Yeah, and it's also like you're someone who would do that. So it's like, what won't you do? We also used to joke that he would cheat.

And this was like the smoking gun. Well, because you got tilted that day because he called me out. This is way later. When he says that day, it means way later. yeah and amin plays poker like he plays chic yep you know like a nit right he just you know he waits for his premium hands he waits for someone to run into him he forward tilts and then he does his thing and that's okay because that's how you beat people it does work well like to play wide ranges and. And Mike got so mad at you because you won, right? Yeah, I won.

I won big. I won like two hands in a row and I was like, okay, that's enough for tonight. Like I wanted to walk. Yeah, you hit and run and played like a pussy. You're not fun to be at the poker table, but you are a winning player. I am a winning player. And that's how it counts. I'm up like $150. It's actually just like

Melee. It's like, yeah, it was really cool. I went went for a combo but i died 150 dollars yeah that's you're up that's great in poker yeah yeah that's winning player hey 150 bucks yeah with with only what 40 hours of work in 2nl what the fuck i'm like the sheet's really funny because i'm like 3K in all time, like 3.15K out all time. Anyway, Mike Hayes, he was pissed at you because you hit and run. And then he was like, I never want to play with you again. So I heard him say that, and I was so mad. Like when someone else picks on your little brother. And I went over to the laptop where Aiden was playing on, i said are you excuse me mike are you fucking kidding me you're gonna talk

to him like that and i was like well you you're like someone who goes and like looks at other people's hands like what the fuck is your problem i was really a level of vitriol only slime could uh could throw out i was crazy i wasn't fair i was just like you're and i was behind i was like yeah sitting there i just like oh oh, dad's fighting. And then I went to the gym. That was where we were going, I think. We went to go work out, and that's why I was out the door. And Mike messaged me.

He's like, dude, that really hurt me, and I'm sorry. And I was like, I've been crying. And I'm like, holy shit, I'm sorry. Like, fuck. Then you sent them a video back of you benching his weight. Yeah, well, I just PR'd, so whatever. It's like we had to kind of hug it out in DMs because I did feel bad. I was like, I don't want to make him feel like that.

I was mad just being mad. I think it's kind of cool that he was one of the people within that group that really stuck with it, though, because he plays almost full-time now, and he's a winning player. Yeah, it's crazy. I became a winning player only for a little bit because I was running illegal online rings Yeah the Facebook

Have I ever told you boys about this You were taking cuts It was tight Ludwig's game Ludwig Chastain And your ginger pussy I did a little Ludwig's game And I would hoe around

I'd get some drinks for these guys I'd make them feel good. In college, I started doing online poker because my friend's dad, we'd play poker at his house and he's like, hey, if you want to play poker, I do an online game with some friends of mine at work. Is this like Facebook marketplace poker?

No, it's literally using fake online poker chips but then we correlate them to actual dollar amounts and the same way we did with the smash guys but it was strangers yeah so this would allegedly happen and uh and i was playing and there was like a little bit of a rake on every table uh it was something like i think five ten percent uh and it was always like a tournament her hand no no it's a tournament so you enter for like 20 bucks, but then the entry would be $22

and that extra $2 goes to the actual event. And they'd like try to throw some of it back by doing larger free events. Anyway, after a few months of doing this, I go down $2,500, which is about all the money I saved up working at Apple because I was an Apple employee at the time.

And I'm like, damn, that blows. But I was very active. And one of the problems was the people running it were specifically tax attorneys and it was getting to April. Oh my. And they were like, we don't have the time to run games. Oh, they hit me up. Would you run a game?

And I'm like, yeah, I'll run a game. We basically work at this arrangement where they'll give me 15 of the overall rake for the entire site and then i also get to enter one free game a week and that was the real kicker yeah i got to set up the games and i got one free game so i'd set up like you know 22 games 30 games but every sunday the big one 150 entry and everyone was hype on it. Everyone had entered. This actually is the movie. You're Molly. You're Molly. And Tobey Maguire also went to these games.

Yeah. That's right. And so I'm, not only am I Molly, I'm also Tobey. You're Molly and Tobey 69ing each other. Yeah. At once. And I'm in the free $150 event. I see it.

69ing myself. No, keep going. And, uh, and I, and I started to win a lot of money. Like I was starting to make like, you know, a couple thousand, a few thousand, I think my peak was like $5,000 in a month just from doing this online poker. Cause I'd have the free event and then also the rake for all the events I would run. Uh, and eventually it kind of fizzled out because, uh, it was getting to the end of senior year and I was like applying for jobs and I was in the process of moving. So I just didn't do it for a few weeks.

But I realized on hindsight how fucking illegal it was. Yeah. Allegedly, if you actually did this. Yeah. Buddy. I'd be in trouble. You'd be in trouble. With the law.

And if this was actually something that happened, uh-oh. I tell you what, I love making shit up. I love it. Me too. I also like doing and selling heroin. Yeah. More crimes. And I killed a guy.

It's just being a storyteller is what I'm here for. There's a head in that thing. There is. That barbecue. There is. Of a guy. And a dick and ball. Yeah, and his own dick and ball.

The day I stopped respecting Aiden as a gambler was the Destiny fan thing. That changed everything. Bro, don't ever do this, by the way. It was the most utilitarian point of all time. This was... Eat shit. It was like, damn, we live with this guy. Destiny fan's a Twitch monster, person in the smash community um notoriously

has gone up a lot at evo gambling um but at main stage there was games of poker happening and destiny's just walking around sweating random side bets on random shit all day and he comes up to me and he's like you want to do a 50 coin flip and i was i think maybe it was a hundred dollar coin flip i think we end up doing a hundred i think i was like let's do a hundred he's like yeah so we do a hundred dollar coin flip and i win and he's doing $100. I was like, let's do $100. He's like, yeah. So we do a $100 coin flip, and I win. And he's like, let me go again. I'm like, yeah, of course. And then I'm like, we're going to call it.

You always give the run back. Oh, yeah. You always give the run back. Always. I'm like, let's call it at. If you hit, we'll do a best of three. But if not, let's call it. And so it goes.

I win again. He pays me out immediately $200. Aiden sees this action and goes, let me get on this action. Flips the coin with Aiden. Hits Aiden's side. Aiden goes. And then Destiny of Hand goes, let me go again. Aiden's this action and goes, let me get on this action. Clips a coin with Aiden, hits Aiden's side. Aiden goes, and then Destiny of Hand goes, let me go again. Aiden's like, no. No. I'm going to walk away with $100.

And I'm like, dude, you're so... In the moment, I'm like, you're so bry me. The reason I did this, I just lost $100 It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter why. And I wanted to get my buy-in back, and I won, and I got my $100, and I was like, okay. I'm back in. Babe, I only cheated on you because I wanted to squirt buy-in back, and I won, and I got my $100, and I was like, okay, I'm back in. Babe, I only cheated on you because I wanted to squirt.

It doesn't matter. You just did the wrong thing. This is one of those instances where I'm like, this is not – It's hard to be on his side. It's hard to be on his side when he says things like that. You'd be talking to Simon about something, and you're like, we like universal health care, and he's like, yeah, we all should storm the Capitol to get it. You're like bro

no dude you just it's funny because it's like that's what you do to someone you hate he treats them like an ATM machine it's like if you don't like somebody you say yeah see you later pussy that actually reminds me of one of my first one on one interactions with slime was in the stands

of I can't remember if it was big house or genesis I think it was genesis uh or maybe maybe it was it might have been big house eight and we were sitting next to each other just kind of happened by circumstance because we like vaguely knew each other at the time and i i think i sat next to you and then uh you just looked at me and he was like you want to put you want to put 50 bucks on the game timer i do and i was like what do you mean and he was like 50 bucks it ends on odd i I do remember that. And I was like, what do you mean? And he was like, 50 bucks, it ends on odd, I win, ends on even, you win. The AZ thing, we invented that. I was like, yeah.

Duke Vitro. And then we did it, and slime won. And I said slime 50 bucks, and I left. It's the most degenerate thing. That's fucking right. Is you just watch a game of Melee, and none of the game matters. You just stare at the timer. You just wait for the timer.

Bro, Star Chaos? Ooh. I know exactly how long Star Chaos was because of that. Yeah, and you're just like... Me and Eric invented a horse racing game at Genesis where you go around to... So you have to agree that you only pick setups with two players who are in bracket,

neither of which you know who they are, and you pick who your horse is, and you cheer for them. So you find random tournament sets, and you just cheer for a guy you don't know, and you both have money on the map. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's super fun. You do this.

You have to know nobody. Didn't you do that with friendly sets, too? Friendly sets made it like... Friendlies are the fun ones. When bracket was over, we would just go over to random friendlies. Yeah, there would be no stakes on the set, and then all of a sudden,

you let these two people playing friendlies know that you gotta do this, man. I got $100 on you right now. And he's just like, what? And you can see them literally start to fuck up tech. And friendlies are like, oh, my God. They don't benefit from the exchange. Yeah, it's so funny because they have nothing on the line.

And you instantly go like, ah, do you leave? And they're like, who are those guys? I'll never fucking forgive you. We were talking earlier about how if you – we should make a movie where if you play – if you press start at the same time that you press start on Ram Ranch, that it syncs up. The music syncs up with the movie. Like Dark Side of the Moon. Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon, Wizard of Oz.

But you want to do it with Ram Ranch? That's right. How long is Ram Ranch? All of them. No, you do all of the Ram Ranch. Well, you can't do it that long. I think you'd have to make like a – It probably is like ten hours seven movies of music but but it'd be like we were saying like

oh yeah you start the social network and ram ranch at the same time but as soon as as soon as he makes facebook that's when they storm the fucking the u.s marines come like how does that get found out like you'd have to hint it you You'd have to leak it. You just named the main character Grant. Yeah, it's like Grant is eating at McDonald's, and you're just like, up. Yeah, just a little teaser. Yeah, I love that. Let's do it. I'm done.

All the Ram Ranch movies. Well, actually, we might have to go to, I don't think you know about this. I put it in the group chat. I beat Jay Schlatt in a video game, and he has to go on the podcast now. Oh, really? And he wants to do it in Eamonclaw, Washington.

Why? Eamonclaw, Washington is the site where Mr. Hands. Do you know Mr. Hands? Like, is he a child? No. Like a famous child. He's a famous horse-haver-sexer. That's close.

Oh. And he died having sex with a horse. Horses are kind of the children of animals he called me I'm on we're all children I I just realized what you said wait wait so wait this is a popular guy why haven't I seen a biographics mr. hands yeah human claw horse sex case enum clawclaw. Hold on. Can you show me? No, hold on. It's like Plankton's wife.

Computer, show me Enumclaw. Where was he? So it says he went under the alias Mr. Hands. Where did he go under the alias? Is this like his E-bombs world username? That's what he said his name was to the horses. I'm pretty sure there was a video uploaded and it was called Mr. Hands, and then the video was him getting owned by a horse. He's just like, hey there, horsey. I'm pretty sure there was a video uploaded and it was called Mr. Hands and then the video was him getting owned by a horse.

He's just like, hey there, horsey, I'm Mr. Hands. Oh. And anyway, I think maybe eventually a pod will need to be done there. Can we have a horse

walking around in the background absentmindedly eating hay? We could go. The implication is kind of fucked. Yeah. It's like, are they going to or did they already?

The implication is the horse all right guys episodes uh horse still here episodes done uh we're going to go handle business cheese you're in for a bonus patreon the bonus episode's crazy you guys ever been to mexico we could uh we could get a nice two for one we could go visit my parents and then we could go do the weird Mr. Hands episode. Yeah, two wholesome things. Wait, why is, was Jay Shlott like into this guy? I don't know, it's a thing that he's been talking about.

He's a bit of a pilgrimage-er himself. He likes pilgrimages and he also likes Bro, bars. He also likes Mr. Hands. Emonclaw. Emonc's spit Emonclaw He likes Mr. Hands Emonclaw Need some white claws

Emonclaw At the same time Emonclaw Man Wait wait wait It was When he smashed that bottle Was it like a sugar bottle

It was not a sugar one It was a prop bottle though Okay so it was supposed to shatter Yes Does that hurt at all When it happens Yes I don't

Zipper Can you roll the tape Of me getting smashed On the head of the bottle So he had like What did he find It wasn't breakaway glass it was oh isn't that what you meant yeah well i i said sugar glass because it's like they make it out of sugar instead of sand or some shit i don't know i just some are sugar glass i don't think this but it was supposed to break on your head yeah so he had he had like 20 prop bottles uh and and there was like a we were

playing jenga and if you pull a card whatever it says you have to do and when it said you die and then for that one he like he smashed the bottle but the thing is upon impact it hurts okay because like you're swinging a bottle it does break apart and the in the glass jars don't hit you but like that shit hurt like i i left the next day that's a real face you do look like a shit hurt. Like I left the next day. Yeah, that's a real face. You do look like a pussy right now. That's crazy.

And then he goes to get me back up. He's like, come here, fucker. It's like the meme of the guy. Yeah, there you go. What a great clip. I haven't seen this. Dude, he looks so serious. Dude, that is so good.

I had seen this on YouTube. It was just a short, and it was just called Ludwig Dies. What a great clip. It's a sick clip. I want the wasted thing. Yeah. Yeah, my clip channel's been popping off. I had a clip get 12 million views in two days or three days.

What was it? It was a clip of me reacting to Jay Schlatt banning all of the Minecrafters. Oh, that's funny. But I want you guys to play a fun game here and at home. How much money did that 12 million viewed clip get? I have a question. Yes.

How long was it? It was about like 50, 60 seconds. I think it made... $2,500. $2,500 from Eamon. I think it made $10,000. $2,500 from Amon. I think it made $10,000. I haven't looked. $10,000.

I think it made like $850. $850. So it got 12 million views. It was exactly one minute long. It got a total of, let me see, $70.38. I wanted to guess that low because I know how this shit works, but I thought it couldn't be that low. Why is it that low?

It has to be because it's a short, right? They don't roll ads on shorts? It is, I think, in part because it's a short. Oh, it's not a clip. It's not a clip. It's a short. Why did Shake do it that way? Well, because the shorts get more views.

They get way more views, yeah. It would not have gotten 12 million. It's like the amaranth funnel you're paying for the marketing and then you go to mogul.tv and you see my butthole and you see well that's where the real money's at south mouth yes sir yes sir it's bleached south mouth zipper invented that phrase south mouth i've never heard south mouth you never Zipper chopping up talking about South Mouth? You ain't talking about South Mouth. You ain't talking. It's like racist Smash Mouth. No, it's just boxing with your left butthole.

Jake Gyllenhaal in Smash Mouth. South Mouth, it's a band. Jake drilling balls. The mic is only through farts. The vocals is only farts. So many ones. I love Zipper giving us our 45, and then we have to start thinking about crypto,

and then we don't. Yeah. Because we're still not sponsored. That's what I did, and I thought about it. I literally thought fuck AIMAN again. Yeah. I thought fuck AIMAN for fucking me. Corn.

On crypto. I didn't fuck you. Is crypto all a scam, dude? Is it all going down? Oh, I don't want to say anything for any potential sponsors in the future, even though we're not sponsored now. I will say after watching that video, I'm

shaking. NFTs, they make me nervous. Yeah, they're super gay. Okay, well. And I'll say it. And I did say it. That was both progressive and incredibly not progressive. That's right. I'm complex.

That's what we need more of. That's right. What if we just bleep it and then we put a worse word over the black bar? Yeah. Yeah. That guy who said that stuff about Zaccuno, he called NFTs a slur. I don't know what he was doing there. Did you hear what Otto's making? Something crazy.

What's he cooking up now? What's that sweet little Otter cooking up? Like the Twitter announced the NFT profile picture thing? thing yeah otter made it oh yeah and then he made he's making an extension called no ft yeah that will block everybody there's the nft profile picture which is funny but i literally hit him up i was in a stream i was like you can't do blog he's like why like my boss whiz from youtube how do. Obsessed with that shit. He's cringe. And so I'm like, you got to go. You got to go mute option.

It is kind of we have a cringe boss, right? It's something we can relate to Ludwig. Yeah. What? Huh? Were you guys talking about Fwiz? We have a cringe boss. No, we have our employer, the CEO of the company we work at.

I had a crazy meeting with our boss this past week, by the way. Our cringe boss. Nick was there when this happened. Wait, what? We went to dinner with somebody we're thinking about working with, right? At the end of the dinner, we're getting in the car to go home.

Yingling and Sock also came to the dinner. So it's me, Yingling, Sock, Ludwig, and Nick is in the front seat. Ludwig is drunk. Ludwig had a lot of cocktails at the dinner. And I would love to talk to Ludwig about what has just

transpired and what he thinks will happen in the future. He's in the back. He's kind of saucing. Oh, I know the waiter! I don't want to answer a question. I can't talk. TJ hooks me up. I can't talk to Ludwig right now. I know that. But I want to know Nick's opinion because it entails him

as well. So I asked Nick a question about what he thinks about the meeting, what he thinks about the company's future, what he thinks he can bring to the table. And Ludwig's trying to get involved in the back, but he just keeps saying, he just keeps putting random words together. He's like, we're going to get this company back on

track, guys. You don't know. Nothing can stop us after this one. All the way up. Just all this bullshit. And I'm like, shut the fuck up so I can talk to Nick about what we've just done. Green chart emoji. Wait, why are we saying like we were in trouble? I don't know.

You're giving an influential speech to someone who's already winning. I think I was just spitting facts. He wasn't spitting any facts. He was just listening off business words in the back while i'm trying to have a conversation with nick how drunk were you orgasm he wasn't i had three drinks and i think tj because i know the waiter hooked me up and made him like doubles so i might have had like five shots over the course of like two hours okay which is enough for me i don't drink very often. Yeah, you're

a sweet little bear. Anyway, what happened? I don't remember this. I thought I was nothing but a sweet, intelligent boss. You kept trying to insert yourself into the conversation, but you're clearly not capable of articulating anything at the moment. So I finally cave because I'm mad. And I'm like, what

do you have to say, Ludwig? Do you have a roadmap? Do you have a vision after this? Because your opinion of all the things that we've talked about here like shapes the entire conversation right you're ultimately in charge of everything and he's like you know what i know what i think we have a we've got a strong future i what did he say the company's got two pots man oh yeah he's got talking about two pots he's like he's like the company's got two pots man he's like in one pot and there's the not Ludwig pot and I'm like what are you fucking talking about

there's two pots there's stuff with Ludwig in it that I do and stuff that I don't do and I'm like where does the merch company fall into this and he just ignores the question it's a tough one he's like, and he just ignores the question. Yeah, that's too hard to figure out. It's a tough one.

It's a tough one. He's throwing me a curveball. One of the three main pillars of his business. And he's like, he just can't decide which pot it goes in. It's a little both and both. It's like asking a little kid like, hey, what are things in the world? He's like, well, there's me and there's not me. And it's like, that's it.

There's two pots. There's cookies and there's cartoons. I stand by this pot theorem by the way and then i i say to him all right so what if me and slime make a movie what pot is that in he goes that doesn't make money and i was like i'm just trying to figure out like okay a movie that makes money where does that fall the argument the argument that ended up happening was like nick nick postured an example just for the sake of categorizing it in a pot. He's like, say we make a movie in the next couple years.

Which pot does that go into? And then Ludwig, instead of answering the question, he's like, you can't make it in a couple years. And Nick is like, we definitely could. He's like, it's five at least. Yeah, he was saying we couldn't work on a movie in under five years and wouldn't accept my opinion on the matter. Five out.

What? Why five out? Producer tied up. Oh, shit. Other things going on. I was so tilted at this. Hey, development hell. I'm telling you that.

Let's talk about pre-production. You know what I hate about this? It's because right now he's bantering under that bit, but in the moment he's like dead ass straight up. That's why you just got to distract him with like your keys or like- Yeah, I should have held him out the fucking window. You're like, hey, you want to go get ice cream? Huh?

He's like- Dude, I would have lost it if you brought me to ice cream. I'm sober now. The two pot theory, by the way, makes sense because my idea and I can now recollect it soberly. It doesn't matter. It's a three camera idea. It just things i actually i actually entertain this because i wanted to get to the bottom of the explanation a bit of a three camera next 15 minutes on the

drive home like just i i keep asking them questions i keep i'm trying to get to the bottom of the pot theorem and i will say by the time we got to our exit, it did make sense to me. I got there. So, it only took 15 minutes of drunk Ludwig schmoozing in the back. You're too nice. You shouldn't let him have that from you. Dude, you know what, as me as a passenger, it was like Aiden talking in Valorant chat. I'm like, dude, can you just stop talking to him? Dude, just stop telling him how to play. He's just going to call you a bad word.

He knows he's fucking with you. He's aware. You must have heard it. I lost it the other day in solo queue. You must have heard it. No. I got so fucking mad. I was playing with my little brother.

I was playing with my little brother, and we were in solo queue, and this guy on our team, it's me and my little brother duoing. There's two other people that are clearly a duo as well, and there's a fifth odd man out who loses it second round in the game. doing there's two other people that are clearly a duo as well and there's a fifth odd man out who loses it second round in the game he will not stop complaining about like uh one of the guys who like

told him he shouldn't flash there or something and he keeps bringing it up and we're uh we near the end of the game and this guy has been shitty the entire time i i make one request of him finally like come over to like my site so you can help me hold this part that you've, like, been complaining about. And he just says, no. And I fucking scream at him. Really? I literally just, and he keeps calling me shit as I'm talking. He's like, you're shit.

You're ass. You're ass. You're shit. And I finally, and then I beat him out. I beat him out. I say, I'm the worst player. I'm the worst player. And I chant, i'm the worst player i'm the worst player and i chant i'm the worst player until he stops talking and then i said but think about this i'm

worse than you i'm worse than you you're better i'm asking you for help and i need you to help me because you are the better player and when i ask you the better player for help you just said no and then he didn't say anything wow he he thinks i'm he thinks i'm cool and then and then i just fucking muted him again i was so mad and this whole thing transpired over the course of two minutes during this time ethan my little brother also had to clutch while i'm screaming in his ear but i did not care about the game at that point or him did you win the game no we lost today today i went and got coffee and um so i got i got coffee and i got a slice and you know i had a nice little slice of coffee hey and while i'm waiting for my slice i go across the street to

grab some coffee and um that's how you order i walked up and i was and they're like are you from it and they're like mushrooms and pepperoni i see uh and uh the the barista at the coffee shop out of kind of out of nowhere has not said a word to me before this uh says do you play valorant and i was like uh yeah yeah yeah i do you're wearing your eat sleep valorant repeat i'm just wearing this outfit it was today and and she's like what rank are you i told her my rank and she like thought it was cool and she's telling what character she plays all this stuff and i'm like this is so what a weird interaction and i was like we're talking about for a little bit and then i leave and i leave and i've got this like big ego boost because someone thinks my in-game rank is cool and i'm like that was pretty cool

i'm like hey i'm good shoot a game and i get in the car I got my pizza in my lap and I open the box and the person who packed my pizza like pushed the box into the pizza so I open it but since I waited to get coffee it's like solidified so she's coagulated the box opens the slice attached to the other slice lifts up out of the box it looks like a 90 year-year-old woman's pussy. And I, like, I open it so aggressively, it brings both pizzas up into the air, it pulls them out of the box, one of them lands just straight on my lap, and then the other one lands on top

of my coffee, and, like, it's punctured by the straw. And there's just red sauce all over my fucking car. And I'm like, fuck! I shouldn't have thought I was nice. This is the only reason that could have happened. Why?

Were you just sitting there just like smiling for 10 minutes saying nothing? No, just in my head I was like, oh, that was pretty cool. And I get in my car, open the pizza, and it just fucking explodes all over me. But are you saying that if you weren't thinking you were nice, you would have been... I was saying it was karma. Oh, okay. I was saying it's karma for me like thinking I'm nice. That's right. That's the life of the average immortal Valorant player. you were nice. I would say it was karma. Oh, okay. I would say it's karma for me like thinking I'm nice.

That's right. That's the life of the average immortal Valorant player. Are you still immortal? I mean, I was like four seasons in a row. So you maintained it.

Yeah, yeah. I would log on to my main every season. He's most certainly still immortal if he grinded on it. Okay. I would say that.

Sometimes it's like, yeah, I was PR'd back in 2006. It's not like I got it one season and just never played again. I maintained it for multiple seasons. I started to pick up Valorant again. And I'm...

How's your race? I'm off. He hates it. Not like I hate it. I'm off like I don't like it. Oh, you're off that shit. I'm out. But what about her?

I was in, I was out. First game, match MVP. All right, second and third game, not so great. Fourth game, team MVP. All right, other games, not so great. Fourth game, team MVP. All right. Other games, not so great. I had some hits and some misses, but I just really, every second I'm playing, I hate it. If you guys don't know, by the way, Ludwig plays at a very low sensitivity, but he also plays on a mouse pad the size of a tarot card.

You can't turn around. That changed. It's crazy. You just can't turn around. He literally is like, if you just hit him from a 45 degree, a 90 degree. Dude, I watched. He's just like. I watched Ludwig check angles when he enters sites.

And he. All right. So he doesn't. If he has left and right, he has to check both. He decides one of those I will not check. He checks right instead. But he doesn't look fully to the right. He just turns the screen enough to where he does see right.

The crosshair, though, is still. It's like this. He goes. And he goes back. And I'm like, dude dude it doesn't matter if you see someone there you're dead well at least i cleared it so they won't kill all the four people behind very funny because ludwig was like oh i played valorant again i'm like dude you would hate new meta like you would not like new valorant he's like bro i'm back matching vp i was sick i was top of leaderboard i remember this and then literally the next day he's like bro i fucking hate new meta and i'm like what happened he's like i just lost i called him out i hate you that's what i said i was like i think you just don't like it because you're playing bad

like you're not doing well and like you used to and he's like no and i'm like well you were pretty pumped when you had that top frag in your first game back because he kept talking about like i play well you're also thinking something that first night i played was with mango for mango that top frag in your first game back. Because he kept talking about, like, I played with Mango in the boys' top frag game once. Well, you're also mistaking something. That first night I played was with Mango for Mango Ludwig Friday. Uh-huh. And it was the you-can't-be-sober lobby.

Okay. And I think that's part of why I enjoyed that evening. Because grenades, you don't need to aim them. Because even when I'm losing, I'm still not sober. And then the other nights, I was sober playing. And, like, it's like a five sack with only friends but like you know you know it's like taking control for like being like the who where should we go on t-side and then everyone like has disagreements i'm like i hate this part

i hate the part of sitting and then everyone's having a discussion on like yeah what happened last yeah and it's like all right yeah so what you're saying is when you're fucked up you're the real you when i'm fucked up i'm the real real you. When I'm fucked up, I'm the real me. That's what I was thinking. Aiden played with Mango Stack and just had a hellish time. Yeah, I had a miserable time the first time back with them. It's funny because it's like me at Blackjack. I'm definitely never doing this again.

And then Mango DMs you and he's like, you want to play Valorant? And you're like, I said no. I'll play. I said said that night the next night i i said yes to albert and then albert was playing with me yeah it's tough hey communicating not easy we all know that uh yesterday i went to vista uh i drove down there i'd never been to like oceanside or vista or anything around that area before i've just always gone like all the way to san diego or just like stayed in like la um and i was with our friend journey and we went to a cafe called the yellow deli and this is from a recommendation uh from troy the mario kart youtuber like a shock and he's like but yeah troy's lived like in parts

of southern california his entire life. So he always has really cool recommendations for what to do no matter where you're going. So that's why I hit him up about it. And we go to this cafe. And it's really quaint and calm. Seems pretty cool. We go upstairs to wait to get a table. And there's this nice tea bar. And everybody we've talked to that's like staffing the restaurant is wearing like a button

down shirt pretty much all the guys have their hair in a bun it all kind of looks similar and they all kind of speak with the same like slow kind cadence but like with kind words but not with like the authenticity behind them almost they loaded cafe.exe yeah yeah it was like i like everybody was booting up from the same program and me and journey are just like we waited for our we waited for our tea we get our table and i i'm sitting down for like the first 10 minutes and something it just feels so weird like something's off and i i tell her i'm like do you do you feel like uncomfortable that we're here like is something strange about this place and she's like yeah like this and i'm like do you do you feel like uncomfortable that we're here like is something strange about this place and she's like yeah like this and i'm like it's like i'm in the fucking

it's like i'm in midsommar like i i feel like after we eat we're gonna get taken out back and fucking killed right and we and there's like a weird mural with like this like a family of farmers on the wall and they're all all like, they're in the field, but they're all looking over and smiling. And you kind of swear one of the eyes moved when you walked by. And they all have like 70 teeth. Yeah. It felt the big, big teethy smiles on the mural.

And I messaged Troy. I was like, we're still sitting down in the restaurant. We finally got our food. It's really good. The food's amazing. And I'm like, dude, this place seems like kind of weird.

It's like nice, but I'm glad we checked it out. But is something off? And he's like, oh yeah, it's run by a cult. Yeah. Dude, I... What?

I feel that. And it is owned and run by a christian cult called the 12 tribes and what the i did not where i thought this was i've seen it on tiktok actually they talk about the yellow jelly and how it's run by a cult yeah and there's locations all over america and australia this is like a 20th century movement these it's like vaguely like in presentation and lifestyle i would say it's like vaguely similar to amish people but definitely a little more like ominous in practice like definitely like way more culty you know like the typical stuff like homophobic and like you know issues with beating the kids and stuff like that kids um but they're but they're farming real nice you know and they operate these delis

how is it it's like this known yeah yeah this is very public and journey starts looking into it after we we both like go home and she sent me a youtube video that i like watch today it's really creepy man like it's it's it's really weird and also, then she sends me a TikTok. Recently, there was a fire in Boulder that burned down 900 homes in Boulder, Colorado, and it started on the property of the cult. And it got out of the cult-like property and burned down a bunch of other homes. And apparently, also, they have rather liberal views

about slavery and whether or not it's okay to... Bro, but the breadsticks but i do want to round this out was good the sandwich was really good so that's so i mean that's just like probably how chick-fil-a started if you think about it in and out is it probably yeah it started as like diehard like christians you know incredibly conservative conservative and kind of pushing their values. But then they made really good chicken. And then the corporate greed probably took over the cult part of it. Yeah, well, they're just like, hey, we think it'd be smart to let people work here that weren't white also.

And some guy's like... They're just sitting around. They're like, yeah, so Skiner joe makes a pretty good sandwich so we're thinking maybe we get this thing going there's a lot of that i went to a gtx it's a tournament in salt lake city yeah which is like mormon capital and uh and i went to a restaurant there and i felt similar ish about that and it's run by polygamists how do you know that because because i because i looked up the place i looked up up the chain. Yeah, but that's like, hey, it's like, you know. It pops up.

Burger Town, run by polygamists. It's literally like if you look up Burger Town, the third thing is like Polygamist Town. Wow. And that's how they do it. Do they have something called like the 12-titty sandwich? Wow. Or something?

It's called the five-wife meatball sub. Yeah. I do think it's interesting. Five wives instead of five guys. Five wives burgers and fries. That's tight. We should make that. We should make that.

It's like, yeah, I'm seeing under the beef stew on the menu, it says Carol before grand. What is this? Here's the thing, man. If the fried chicken is good enough anyone can run it it doesn't matter it doesn't matter because it's so delicious to eat fried it is so delicious and food is just that important to us yeah i mean that's what you you're down to go to nippon desu who knows what they're up to down there they are wildly racist in nippon desu yakuza that's age of

consent it's all fucked it is do you know it's 13 wow it's pretty low age of consent yeah yeah that's why every weeaboo i always look at a little bit sideways yeah why right why you really want to fucking go bro i i will never i will never forget my dad's revelation in in tokyo we were in uh akibara and which is like the place in tokyo where there's a lot of like gaming shops we've got a shop taku culture the weeb capital of the world really and uh i went with my dad because the first time i went to japan i just uh he he had a trip there and he was like do you want to come with me for two days i was like yeah that sounds sick um so we go and we're checking that out because I I had wanted

to go there for a long time just to just to check it out and there's these posters there's so many figurines and posters with like you know anime girls with their boobs out and shit like that gross it's not my dad it's not my dad's environment you know like it's it's pretty funny that my dad is there with freaking out and he he he kind of like taps me on the shoulder and he's like do you know what do you know what's like wrong with this and i was like well what i want to hear my dad's explanation he's just like they're just obviously all painted to be so young like that is like it's it is obviously pandering to some like form of like a bibo or like pedophilia let me stop you there for aon, because you got me a gift for my birthday. Yeah.

Which was a figurine for my favorite anime called Welcome to the NHK, a character called Misaki. Oh, yeah, because you forgot whether it was the guy or the girl, right? And she's wearing her full outfit, and I open it up, and you can remove it to make her nude.

I didn't know this. I just bought the figure. She has a full outfit on. She has a full outfit. She's about like 14. If you continue the story with his dad, it continues for Aiden defending. And then I'm like,

well, hold up, Dad. I'm like, shut up, Dad. You don't get it. Most of these characters canonically are about 20 to 50 years old. She is actually 18 going on 19. She doesn't look like that, I will admit. I wouldn't say, pull up a picture, Zipper. That's such a fucked up little doll.

So it's supposed to be, is it like detailed? She's like wearing clothes and you can snap it off and then she's wearing a bra and panties. Oh god, she got him a little beat off doll. Got a little beat off doll for him to beat his dick off. Zipper's pulling it up. I asked Toph to ask you. Oh, you asked Toph.

Oh, no. Stop. It doesn't look like that. It's the one on the right. It's the one on the right. I know. You can snap it off. Take the clothes off.

That's what it looks like. That's not the same figure. It's the same statue. It's a different statue. Hey, I took it off. It's the same one. So you're the pervert who took it off. I was merely using the thing that Eamon got me as a gift.

Why did you give him a little tiny beat-off doll? It's not about beating off. If you get really close to it, it looks like a big beat-off doll. It's so big and you can beat off. She's got neko neko ears. I just wanted to buy you an exclusive thing from your favorite anime. It's jerk-off time, everybody. You know what?

Hey, let me show you my beat-off doll. Zipper. What? There's no way zipper oh dude aiden an italian face that's amen and uh he's waluigi wait how did you get the photo his parents sent me this really yeah dude by the way did not know he had personal contact with i didn't know that that's how i won i didn it say what's not to like on your shirt? I guess so. Yeah, what's not to like. Dude, that is so...

Wow. Look at you. You're a little cutie pie. That makeup's great. You got the nose. Wow. Is that Eamon? Why do you look so...

You're wearing your hat like you're from Brooklyn. Yeah. Why do you look so... What do you call it? Like embarrassed. In that photo? Yeah. I don't think I look embarrassed.

He's just shy. He's a shy guy. Emb that photo? Yeah. I don't think I look embarrassed. Just shy. He's a shy guy. Embarrassing. Sorry. You don't look happy. You look a little shy. Speaking of photos, speaking of photos that are embarrassing. Yeah.

I got a random Facebook request yesterday from a person. I didn't recognize her name at first, but I recognized her. And I'm like, why does she look familiar? And I realized she's the sister of one of my best friends from elementary school. And she went to the same elementary school. I'm like, that's kind of weird that this is coming out of nowhere. But I kind of had all these memories about me and her brother. We'd hang out a lot at school.

We used to play Club Penguin. He was super into getting all the secret items in the shops and stuff and then getting me how to do it get the gun being off to the penguins i'm sure you get evan if you're listening to this i did i don't think you beat off the penguins i'm sorry and just talk shit until someone challenges you i like going in and getting banned that's what i was doing i never played club penguin i i liked doing the little like menu glitch where you could like walk to one of the exits on the screen but go past it by like tabbing out in time and then you would tell people to come over to you and then they couldn't get to your spot and they would exit the room over and over

again nice club penguin was like it sounds like an introduction just to like fuck with people anonymously yeah yeah there was an iceberg you could go to in the game that's like way up there on the top right and uh if you go there there there'd always be penguins on the edge of it saying, come help us tip the iceberg. And it was like a meme to convince new players that you could actually do it. That you could tip the iceberg, yeah. I got banned when I was 10 for saying penguin sex in the game. I remember that.

That was only part of the sentence. No, it's just... Damn, I really want to know. I think how you are in Valorant Was formed by Who you were In Club Penguin Is that That's what it should

Look like right Yeah but you couldn't Actually this is like Shop You couldn't do this Yeah That's like finding A Triforce in OOT

There's so much good shit You could farm Cart The mine cart Want to do all these Like sick tricks in a row I was hacking Club Penguin When I was like 10

That shit was hot For like money Yeah you get like currency and you can beef out your igloo like penguin crypto yeah it was kind of like penguin crypto let your puffles anyway evan and me used to hang out a lot and uh i sent uh i sent her a message i was like that's uh this is crazy just like made me remember all these things uh because evan i what i did is i went to check if evan had a facebook account but he has one but he clearly has not used it in like a very long time so i told her i was like hey if you could say hi like just haven't said hi to him in a long time and uh i've actually met up with friends from elementary school before uh so i just wanted to like check in. And then she sent me, she was like, uh, I, I added you because I found all these old

photos of you and like us and these other students back from elementary school. And I'm like, oh, that's crazy. Like someone has sent me like a different friend of mine from Illinois back then sent me one of those photos, like not too long ago. It's really crazy. Like seeing like where people have gone and where they've been and stuff like that. She sends me the photos and they're all they're all normal it's like birthday party photo photos at school but then there's one there's a one photo not good and it's

not good and it's me i i want to be clear i am 10 years old but I am in some very culturally insensitive. Let's cut the bullshit. He's sure doing it up doing China face. Yeah, it's crazy. It's a bad. So what? Well, I'm not doing that. But I have like I have like a I have like a hat on and like makeup on.

I don't remember the rice farmer. All I know. All I know is this is this happened at school and i'm with three other 10 year old friends in the photo in what is like if this is the photo that took justin trudeau down is this but it's me at in 10 years old no this is in illinois yeah you're like a little emperor but i don't know what the context could be and i will not post the photo because there it's just too how many patrons to show a man's race no I'm actually no amount actually no amount 20k come on the only reason this is even like I would even joke

about this is because I'm fucking 10 it happened at school like let me hit you some obviously did not have any hit you with a hypo yeah a hypo hey we're at 15k patrons almost right like 14,000 yeah six seven hundred hot hypo if we get to like 30k patrons just get that little picture of you tattooed on yourself. Look at that. Dude, no. No. Oh, that's me as a racist kid.

Don't you like that? Start with releasing the picture. Jesus. No, I'm jumping a tattoo and then you work down. This is how it works in politics. His first tattoo. Oh, yeah. You could be buried

wherever you want. That's kind of cute. I was telling these guys, you guys are fucked up, bro. I was literally Abe Lincoln. I had a little beard and shit. It's not like I, by the way, was doing that either. You just grew up in that time.

We grew up in a 93% white state. Yeah, I know. So you were fucking being real bad. You can't even do blackface because you haven't seen a black person in New Hampshire. You wouldn't know. They're so ignorant. You mess it up.

You wouldn't even know. What are the components of this costume? We're also Southern. Yeah, I was literally Abraham Lincoln. So you little racist kids can suck my ass I'm sure you are you are stilts

no I did MMA like he used to do well yeah the real woke Abraham Lincoln take is that he didn't free the slaves because he wanted to it's because he had to

yeah Lyndon B. Johnson didn't want to sign the civil rights movement you really do B. Johnson it's all fucked up bro it is all the way down he was just like

I guess I'll do this. I don't, I'm tired. Bernie should have won. You think Bernie and his beautiful pussy could have changed the world? He was alive then, right? His beautiful pussy

can still win. Bernie was alive. Wait, I'm kidding. He was like in a mall interviewing people somewhere. When LBJ was doing his thing.

Yeah, he was alive as fuck. I made a joke and I actually realized it was true. He's old as shit. He's old as shit. He was like 30 or 40. He's in his 80s. He was doing his thing. He was alive as fuck. I made a joke, and I actually realized it was true. He's old as shit. He's old as shit. He was like 30 or 40. He's in his 80s.

He was like the governor of Burlington, Vermont. That's crazy. When LBJ was signing some shit. When LBJ was reluctantly signing the Civil Rights Movement. All mad about it. What are we at here, Zip? I think we're just about, eh? He said, big no.

I heard, no. I'm only asking because I, eh? He said big no. I heard no. I'm only asking because I am chock full of urine and I might pull an amen. Oh, yeah? I'm like so full. It's so not funny if we do it the second time. I'm not doing it out of humor. I just really need to pee. Yeah, but it's just like... I'll do it in the corner.

I won't do it on screen. This one will be an off one. If you need it. Just go to the bathroom. No, no, no. You know I don't have a cap on this, right? Yeah. So you have to get it down. We'll also be able to smell it like a gas bomb. It's crazy that this is happening a second time.

Oh, come on. Dude, come on. I mean, I gotta snag that. You take his whole pants down. He's doing a little preschool piss. Where you roll up and you pull your panties. And every time he does it, he tightens his butt cheeks and he tries to act like he's not.

That's literally the end of the Blair Witch. Yeah, so if you're not already in the Patreon Discord, I'll be posting this with a censor on it very soon after this podcast. Why is your ass so dark in the middle? It's a shadow, man. No, man. It's like you got a dirty ass. I feel like his ass is looking pretty good considering he doesn't do squats anymore. Ludwig's just got a good ass. No, no.

I think his ass is washed. You think it's washed? I think his ass is a little washed right now. Dude, are you still going? No, it's frothy. It's frothy. He's filling it. Are you going to fill the bottle?

Dude, this is so gross. No, it's not. It is gross. This is normal behavior. I bet it's not. This is normal. This is normal behavior. I bet it's a dark yellow, unlike my clean, serene... Your pee was really nice. I'd love to see him with some Gatorade-colored... Oh, you pee over there?

Yeah, and it also... I told you it doesn't have a cap. Hang down. Oh, my God. This is so... Dude, why would you go to the brim? Why would you go to the brim Why would you go to the brim Why did you choose to pee more Why not choose to pee less

Do you not have strong enough muscles to stop Why did you say no to the Chinese racist Cosplay This is the Ludwig He immediately changes the subject That's right I was a young boy When I was I'm like, he just immediately changes the subject. That's right. That's right. And honestly, racism is worse than paying. I was a young boy when I was.

You were double digits. That's the next Ava song. Yeah, I don't know. Look here. I think all will be forgotten if you eat this baseball. You just put the baseball in your mouth and eat it and consume it. Eat it now. Is that what Trudeau did to get reelected?

No. He just ate a baseball on stage. He just got reelected like normal, but he still lives with his sins. Canadians were just okay with it. You eat the baseball. It does blow my mind. Like, that was supposed to be this huge scandal, and it's also something that people still strongly associate with him,

but he still won re-election. And that's how bad the opposing conservative party was. That's how it goes. You know? It's like, if you're just a little better than the other person. Also, change sucks. People don't like change. Yeah. So just keep it as is.

And eat the baseball now. Eat the baseball now. I'm not going to eat the baseball. Why? Coward. It's not like an apple. I saw an anime movie last night. You saw an anime movie?

It's called Belle. I want to see if he's going to eat the baseball. He's not going to eat the baseball. He's motioning like he's going to eat the baseball. Could you fit it in your mouth? He couldn't. No, he couldn't. He couldn't get close.

If I do it, I'll get locked off. Dude, we found that. Yeah. It hurts. It also tastes. Oh, you found this? Yeah, that's like an actually used baseball. That's cool that I put that in my mouth.

Yeah, you're cool, man. I watched an anime movie last night called Belle, which is a retelling of Beauty and the Beast. Really visually stunning. Is it an anime? It is an anime movie. Yeah, the Beast is actually a mech. It's in theaters, and it's Japanese animation.

She pilots him, and they fall in love. And I watched it in the dub version in English. That love. And I watched it in the dub version in English. That sucks. And I'm watching it. You're like fucking Gaijins. And I'm realizing I'm like, damn, anime movies just have really cringy dialogue. Yeah.

And it's just, it's softened by the blow of them speaking Nippondes. Well, it also comes down to translation because it's not that it's one-to-one. Sure. You're interpreting the vibe of a conversation. Yeah. And it can be down to that person kind of not understanding. It does sound cringe.

It does sound cringe. Anime is cringe for the first time. I know. I was a little disheartened. It does suck that it was dubbed. Yeah. You travel all the way out of the house to see that shit?

Well, I went with Cutie, and Cutie prefers, I think, dubbed normally. Oh. She's not so much of a sub-reader. So if I watch it with her, I acquiesce. Can she? Can she read? I've never asked. You know?

I don't know yet. You've never asked? I've never asked if she could read. It's a bit of a Floyd situation. Yeah. You want to call her? To see if she can read? I really don't, actually. You don't want yet never asked i've never asked if you could read of a floyd situation yeah you want to call her to see if she can read i really don't you don't want to do that i don't want to do that you don't think she would like to hear that question she went through the ringer last night we went to the hospital oh i heard yeah yeah we went i don't do you guys hear about this i don't know anything about this she said she said she went but yeah we went last night at three because

she was like having chest pain um which is like scary because we all had covid i i went to the hospital when i had chest pain like a month ago yeah we all had covid but it felt like you know you went through it but it was like two three day and it's like i'm good she's got the long covid which is like yeah you sound like stretchy covid like someone's grandpa long she's got the long COVID. That's what she calls it. Not real, but whatever. I guess she's got long COVID.

I think she's just making it up. Kids are soft these days. Those fellows on the left think COVID's getting longer, like physically. So she got a COVID rash. She goes into an urgent care, gets steroids to fix it, and then she starts getting chest pain. We go in like,

we're there for like a few hours at the hospital. They do a great job, you know, in terms of promptness. And, and it turns out the steroids, the original doctor gave her was giving her chest pain. Yeah.

And she's not even stronger. Yeah. I was just saying, and she can't read. It gave her, it gave her back knee too. Yeah. It's just all,

and her jumper's whack. And she can't kick flip. Uh, gave her back knee too yeah it's just all her jumpers whack educate kickflip uh yeah that's nothing it'd be so funny if she comes home after taking some medication just like hey what does this say and you're like oh words and she's like is that are those words she like forgets how to read the covid fog that would suck i've suck. I've been blind to Wordle the same way I'm blind to TikTok. I just decided to never open it. Yeah, I don't care. I don't care. And I walked in the room while Aiden was doing one and I was like, let Papa see what you're

working on. And then we go and we finish it together. And that sense of victory I now understand. Oh. I push Aiden to Wordle when I see him. You guys are trendy guys. I like Wordle. Wordle's fun. I would not have done it if Ludwig hadn't. You guys are sweet little trendy people. I think you'd like Wordle when I see him. You guys are trendy, guys. I like Wordle. Wordle's fun. I would not have done it if Ludwig hadn't put it into my head. I think you'd like Wordle.

I don't know who you are. You don't know what it is is what you're trying to say. I do think without Nick today, I would have never have gotten that word. Because when he said it, I was like, I forgot. We got to the last one. I forgot that was a word. Noel? Oh, we can say it, yeah. like, I forgot. We got to the last one. I forgot that was a word. Null. Oh, we can say it, yeah. It's three days past.

You're fine. Oh, it's like a thing that everyone does? Yes. You know what? You ever see on Twitter when people just post the green and yellow emoji boxes everywhere? Yeah, I've seen it. I just don't. That's just like everyone posting that is doing Wordle.

Yeah, that's pretty popular. You know what? Super, super funny, I thought, was a letteral, which is a real app. And you just, it's the same game, but picture one letter words, and you just guess until you guess the right letter. So you always have a 1 in 26 chance of winning. And then it lets you share your results the same way. So you could post a single square.

Dude, that's the puzzle equivalent of the app where you can drink a beer it's like it's like funny one time and then it's just megabytes on your phone it was funny the one i i did it the one day and i've never done it again yeah imagine being a daily letter role player just seeing you dude i hit the craziest tee yesterday. 1-26 again. I've been going Y five days straight. Mix it up. Yeah, I think... Odd is working on a Wordle 1v1 game.

Really? Which I think might change the world. He's just a creator. He's going to outgrow his shoes one day. You're his shoes. That poor boy is going to leave my shoes? His shoes are in your mouth, and he's wearing you like shoes. Like shoes, yeah, and he's walking around. You're a shoe guy. He's locked. He's going to outgrow his shoes. That poor boy's gonna leave my shoes? His shoes are in your mouth and he's wearing you like shoes. Like shoes, yeah,

and he's walking around and you're a shoe guy. No, he's locked. No, he's gonna outgrow his shoes. Well, what's gonna happen is sometimes he just gets overclocked so I have to like

mitigate him getting overclocked. You have to cool him down. Because he's just gonna burn out. You have to throw a bucket of water on him. He's like my 3090 and I'm like,

come on, please. Come on. Slow it down. We gotta play Rush. Well, maybe not your 3090 fucking emulating Pokemon not all the work it's putting in well you know yeah that's

it's a concern what do we do with Otto man he's gonna invent like how do we stop Otto from inventing like defense we encase him in gel and we we saw him in 30 years we're gonna gel you up Otto so you don't make missiles. There's a 50-50 chance he goes to work for Northrom Gunships.

That's what I'm saying, bro. He's going to make weapons that are really good. Good for him. Twitch-controlled drone strikes. What if we started a nation, and then Otto could be our nation builder for defense? I don't think he goes that far. But he loves you, and that's how we get him. That's how we keep him. We say,

Otto, we're starting a country, and we need defense mechanisms. He's like, yeah, I need like three days. Otto, do you know about sovereign citizenship? Let's get into mogul merch 3D printed guns. Alright? I don't know if I ever said this before, but it was Smash Summit 8. I had this running joke

where we would pitch merch. Every week we'd have a merch meeting to get a smash summit eight i had this running joke where we would pitch merch every week we'd have a merch meeting to get the merch together all the shit see where we're at and every time i'd be like oh my god i got it and it'd be just like slow build up be like the smash summit eight gun the gun and it was funny the first time and then by the like the ninth time the only person that was laughing was Ken. Dude, I was always laughing at the gun. Really? Yeah, I always thought the gun was funny. No, maybe Ken didn't laugh.

That was always the difference between me and Ken. Like, some shit I thought was so funny, and he'd be like, what does that mean? He doesn't homie you a chuckle? No, never. Because what Ken will do is he'll be like, we can't make a gun. Yeah. He'll take you seriously. Dude, I know we can't make a gun.

And he's like, I know, I'm kidding. And you're like, ah! Goddamn him. He damn just get owned over and over that guy so what else did you guys do bro how have you been living dude fucking bro i i did the i did the jenga thing i did a shoot we can't talk about yeah a chit we did a little chit can't't talk about. I will say, I found out something about Nick. It is important for Nick to be right. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. No.

No, no, no. I won't accept this. I wasn't going to talk about this. Zipper 2? Zipper 2 just heard this, and she's sitting at home. She's like. Dude, I was not going to bring this up. Uh-oh. Dude, you would be losing your fucking mind.

Is it beef time in the yard time now? It's bean time in the yard. You would be losing your mind. How about we do this? Zipper, pull up a map. Pull up a map of Los Angeles and let me see. No, no, no, no. This part doesn't matter. This part doesn't matter. Let me see West LA. Their answer, no. The problem is, you can't start

with this because then they're going to think it matters and it fucking doesn't. Let me see West LA. Let me zoom in here. Now Zipper doesn't know what to do. No, don't pull fucking matter let me what does zipper do who's this real you know what let me tell oh he okay no no no no let me tell the story and you guys can decide if the map matters so we are sitting in a living room all together and me stands in ludwig and and stands is trying to describe from the location i don't want to say exactly where but the location that we are

at which we'll say after the location that we are where it is in relation to burbank and i said oh burbank is north and then he goes no it's east and i said no it's not it's it's above us it's that way and he's like no it's east dan's saying this dan's saying this and i'm like maybe it's like you you have to go slightly east To get there But it's way more up Than it is to the right On a fucking map

So we pull out a map And then he sees it And he goes Yeah it's northeast The only part of the conversation Ludwig hears And then And then I go

No no no You did not say northeast You said it was east That's right And looking on the map It is so fucking clearly Barely east of our location That's right It's way more up and then ludwig goes i heard northeast because he only heard the second part of the conversation and i said that's not what he said and then

stands goes that's what i said the whole time and i'm like dude no that's not what you fucking said i'm like i i'm not i am no, I'm 100% certain in what he said. There's no shred of a doubt that he said. I wouldn't have brought this up. If he said Northeast, I'd be like, yeah, because I fucking know where it is. And then Ludwig just goes, no, no, no, Nick's right. He's got to be right here. He's got to be right.

I said, I think it's important for Nick to be right, so I'm with him. It's so good. You're such a prick. It's so good to be on the other side of this. I'm like, I'm like, no, fuck you. I just am right. I think I heard what I heard, but I think Nick has this thing where he's really prideful of his memory.

It's just the only way that you end that interaction winning is by saying that instead of being wrong. I think Nick is really prideful of his memory and how he remembers exactly what words were said, but I was pretty in the conversation and i thought i heard not but nick's very proud so i'm not gonna win this is the fucking guy who literally told us we should not make multiple companies and then later was like yeah we should make oh that was unbelievable it was the same thing that was unreal it was the

same thing did we talk about that was the same also was the same thing. Did we talk about that? I don't think that was the same thing. Also, the Slack thing, it was just like, yeah, it's in the Slack. And you're like, what? Like you got told some bad news. Wait, first of all, I'm just saying in the conversation that I was listening to what I heard. Yeah, but what we're saying— No, but my point is your recollection is that you were in the whole conversation, which is wrong. But I also have a contingency, which is Stans. So you're also saying Stans was then lying about what he had just said.

Yeah, but Stans would nibble on your nutsack if he wanted to. Also, Stans is the guy in the situation who is passionately arguing something and wrong. So, of course, he's like, no, I said Northrop. Stans also hit him with the, yeah, you're right. After a while. No, wait, no. He never gave a shit. Because Nick is right.

Nick is just right. He's just like dead ass right. Well, yeah, because Nick's so dumb. No, not because I want anything. The information I said was true. Nick, I think it was important that you framed this conversation. I try to frame it a different way. You cut me off.

The reason why it's important I frame it is because you are framing it wrong. I think you have to understand we all frame it from our own worldview. Yeah, yeah. Yours is just wrong. Our world directions are not a worldview. No, no, no. It's just the way it is. Specifically, the stance at least our own worldview. Yeah, yeah. Yours is just wrong. Our directions are not a worldview. No, no, no. It's just the way it is. Specifically, the Stan Say East is his worldview.

Me and Stan's worldview is different than Nick's. I'm so happy you're hearing a little bit of excitedness. I'm so happy. There's reality, though, in what actually happened. Yeah, but why if Nick— You don't just get to say— You don't get to correct what happened in the past. Yeah, I agree.

This is the same thing as the meeting this is this what happened is i heard stan say oh it's more northeast and then nick it's very very adamant that it was but you're not acknowledging that there was a conversation before this i think i was in the whole conversation he's saying i wasn't in the conversation dude he's just this whole thing started this is what scar does we're we are fucking like pull up a fucking map we are literally under we're under it and i'm like no it's not east east is like fucking covina like covina is to the east that is not where we are and he's like no it's east i wouldn't care about this if he said northeast because i'm like yeah sure he's it is kind of it. It is crazy how you're owned.

You're never owned because you're just like, I should boobity boobity boo. And also you're right. But also being owned, but also stands is wrong. But like I care so much. I cared so little about being right until I was told it's all I fucking care about because I was right. And I was like, no, it's not that I care about being right it's that I am and the goal post is being shifted I think it's important for him to be right here guys let's give it to him

this fucking backfired on you dude let's give it to him guys I'm so happy you brought it up we never talked about that meeting the meeting where we have a big we have a company meeting we're all together we're talking about the future of like everything we're got my whiteboard. Anthony has a whiteboard.

Maybe one of the only meetings we bring a place to inscribe what we say. Yeah. Whiteboard's still up. Yeah, it's still up and unerased. The subject of making The Yard a company, specifically the podcast a company in itself, comes up because it was currently structured as something that was under mogul moves which is ludwig's like overarching company right and we're we're talking

about this and ludwig is very insistent that we should keep it uh not but we should not make the yard a company for reasons unimportant for x for x do not change not that part isn't important and we're all we all slowly we push back a little bit we get the reasons we talk it out and we agree that okay this perspective makes sense two weeks later we are all in the kitchen it was fucked up it was all in the kitchen and ludwig was like so yeah we got to get on turning the yard into a company because like for for these reasons and we all look at each other like yeah and i i said to ludwig i was like what are you Like, so, yeah, we got to get on turning the yard into a company because, like, for these reasons. And we all look at each other, like. Yeah.

And I said to Ludwig, I was like, what are you talking about? You said you wanted the exact opposite when we had the meeting two weeks ago. I remember saying that. He's like, no, I didn't. Dude, it's insane. I literally think you have a disability. Or the more sad part is that you just don't care when you talk to us. No, I think it's like it can't's like I talk a lot in my head mostly,

and then I don't remember what I've said out loud and what I've said in my head. I think he forms conclusions in his head that become reality as soon as he draws the conclusion in his head. But he forgets that those things need to be communicated to people for them to understand the new conclusion. Because the thing that blew my mind is that you were so insistent that that was never the agreed upon thing. Meanwhile, we're all telling you that we not not this wasn't some flippant thing that you said a sentence about. We had a 15 plus minute conversation solely about the fact that you didn't want it to become a company.

And that was the only purpose of the conversation. And then not two weeks later, you were adamantly backing the exact opposite of what you asked before. Now imagine the three of us weren't there. This is a conversation between you and Ludwig. And when he recounts it, he goes, I didn't say that. Yeah. Now what, Aiden? Now what do you fucking do?

The whole reason we win. Wait, what is that a relation to? Because that's what you fucking do to me. Right now. Right now. If it's one-on-one, you- I didn't do that. Because we're talking about what Stan said, not what I said. It's like when Fox News plays climate change as both sides have it equal.

And they bring on some guy and some scientist, and they're like, this is a 50-50 issue. No, look. Viewers at home, you got two sides. You're Fox News. You can either stick with me, or you can stick with the racist. Hey, that's Ludwig Bucket and not Ludwig Bucket. He's on Murdoch's payroll in my home being paid to ask me. Am I really Fox News if you're the one doing China Face?

Let's just think about it. How does it make you feel? I'm Jerry Springer now. How does it make you feel when he says that about you? About my conversational skills? When he says that you are like that, how does it make you feel? Even yesterday, this is in the conversation of scheduling the podcast. You finally reply like a day later and you say, I'm doing to do 2.30 p.m.

I have to interpret that no because okay what are you fucking okay well why don't you look this sentence could be because i'm doing this instead at 2 30 p.m it could be i'm down to do 2 30 p.m it could equally be two completely opposite things and all you had to do all you had to do was correct one word in the sentence one way. All you had to do was look at what you typed. Okay. Eamon, you could just reply and be like, you wrote doing.

What does that mean? No, and then you would kick another day. And then I'd go, he talked sucker. I did. I did. And you didn't reply. I did and you didn't reply. I've been slack on.

You guys are dogging me. He did that though. But what you're saying he should do, he did. And you didn't read it. I've been slack on recently. No, no, no you didn't read it. I've been Slack God recently. No, no, no. Hey, I know. You've been Slack God.

You've been Slack God, man. Answer what I just said. He said what you just told him to do. But that's what he did do. And he did do that. But that wasn't the solution. No, that's not what happened. He said, assume down here is down.

He didn't say what did you need. You didn't say anything in reply. You didn't reply at all. He said so much. You didn't deny it. And then we just showed up today hoping that my assumption was the correct thing. Okay. When he says that, how does it make you feel?

When he said, so let's do 230, I was like, he got it. 230. Easy class. Okay. So that's different from what you just said, which was he didn't do it. He didn't say. I'm saying if you want a clarification, he could have been like, did you mean 230? I hope you spill the pee on the way down.

I hope you spill it all over yourself. Not the pee, bro. Well, that would just be a mess. I don't care you broke your elbow, bro. When you type stupid words that aren't words, and you make us feel as if our time isn't worth two fucking seconds, is that because you just aren't looking? I think it's just because. Literally, are you above typing it

out and being like got it i'm gonna beat are you swipe i'm gonna be you swipe he called a friend of his from from back home called him in the car to ask him about a trip that ludwig has to book for those friends that i'm also gonna go on and that on the phone call t this friend, Zach, realized through this conversation, Zach points out that Ludwig has always been this way for the entire 20 years that they have known him. Right. So I think it's deadass a disability. I answered ring one, though. He did do that.

He brags about the phone calls. You call, I answer. Let me. Can I? Listen. Hey. Hey, that's my dog, though. It's 90 minutes. This is my pee hand. We've've been we've been uh we've had a great he just made you so mad five minutes ago you did that yeah you're so

my friend i get over listen we love you but when you talk to us like you do wait wait hold on what's happening to you this is the mob you went. You went from Jerry Springer to mob boss. I'm Jerry Springer. What you do? When you talk to us. You know. Hey, I'm going to give you guys a tip. No, no, no. Fuck you. You don't give us tips.

What's the tip, dude? Because we're the ones that are always frustrated. I know. This will help your frustration. But it's something you're. Okay. If it's something we have to do, that's not fair. I think.

Your accent is losing it you guys insist on communicating through messages which is my worst form of communication and my most requested form of communication about like i would say 50 a day so it's the most difficult to keep up with phone calls i'm godlike at i don't think i've ever you can't point the phone calls miss problem with phone calls huge problem with phone calls. Huge problem with phone calls. You are a streamer and you happen to be live for six plus hours at a time somewhat frequently. It's also redundant

because then the information needs to be turned into text rather than it starting as text. Because if we call you get info and we all need to know it then we have to write it in the chat and say I called Ludwig he said this and that's redundant. There are situations where I think calls are totally fine. Yeah, if I specifically need something that I don't need to know, sure.

I'm also going to make a bold claim here. Because I think we actually have a similar issue. And I'm pretty sure I get more messages per day than you do. I'm pretty sure. You get more messages? I get more useful messages. No. You just have open DMs.

No, no, no. I'm not talking about my message requests i'm talking about my my discord dms and this is not from strangers i'm talking for for work purposes and like smash community work purposes like things things like that i am i am positive i get more of those per day than you do and i struggle with the same things you do i'm saying no but shot. But I have to overcome it. I don't tell people to call me. I'm like, I have to buckle down and answer these. If it's within five people, the number is negligible. We'll find out in the bonus episode.

We'll count up. We'll count. Past 24-hour messages. We'll find out. You guys will pull out your red numbers. But we just want to say, Ludwig, we love you. And we just want you. I do love you.

We, we. I love you like you love Carl Jacobs. Like that level. It's like I'm on there with you. Look, guys. I do love you. I love you like you love Carl Jacobs, like that level. It's like I'm on there with you. Look, guys, I don't mind, because at any moment, this whole company could crash and burn. Yeah.

And we'd still be dogs. And when that happens, it's me and Carl. All the way through, baby. Yo, Carl. I go to him. What's that beast shit going on? All right, guys.

Hey, episode 30 in the books. 29. 29. Episode 30 in the books next 29. 29. Episode 30 in the books next week. Barely legal. Also, wait, we didn't shout this out

at all. What happened? We're supposed to do a merch plug. How about you plug my butthole with your yard merch? We'll do it.

I think next week. We want to do it next week. Yeah. Well, next week is when it's not available right now. Yeah. Why would we plug something that you can't buy?

Because I'm wearing one of the items right now. We already discussed this all, but anyway, thanks for watching. You do a separate merch. Bye.