The Yard - Ep. 3 - wow we are really in the sauce

Episode Date: July 21, 2021

This episode of the podcast explores the dangerous world of STI's (not the car), diapers for the young and old, the origin of the SheeshMan, and admitting to thousands of listeners about the things we've stolen in our lives.

well i'm rolling paper well i'm and i'm rolling um also paper oh come on hey we're rolling in paper now welcome back to the yard. We got a sponsor. It's actually not paper. That's the funny part because it's digital. The beauty of cryptocurrency. This episode of the yard, episode three, is brought to you by Coinbase. So, you know, our job here at this podcast was to just make $1 million each. That's literally what we're doing this for.

A day. A day. And once that happens, we're done. Well, once that happens, we make yard coin. I can't wait to sell yard coin. Use yard coin at Home Depot for 5% off gardening tools. It feels weird sometimes because like Mango has a coin. Does he still have that?

Yeah, he just got it. He just got it. It's Mango coin. Mango coin. Yeah, I heard Hugo made like 10 rack off of his coins. He made juicy money. That's what happens. So like Huggs is, you know, like 200 viewer Andy. Yeah.

And Mango's the biggest smash streamer. He hears Huggs gets 10K a month. He's like, I want that. Huggs averages like 97 viewers a stream. So if Mango does the same thing, you know, transitive property, he he's gonna make at least you know 50k maybe mango's kind of on his shit he's like the patreon now yeah i was yeah he's going for his bread without taffo he had no clue yeah he like just figured it out it's funny because

he's always like my goal is to be a millionaire and i'm always like you should have done this so like you you had such a head start so much money i i replied to him once i was like get your shit in like a 401k or like an index fund and then stans backed me up and then mango just said shut up with that white guy yeah it was like i don't understand this white people shit yeah i love it i love the idea of seeing mango's like mint app and it's like you have an unusual amount of spending on michelob ultra this month it's so funny he's just like he's, I think I spent what I did last month. He'll be like, I want to be a millionaire, and then in the same vein, gamble away $10,000 online and lose $2,000 to me in BrioCart.

He's kind of like Anthony. He just wants to feel something, and sometimes money can provide that. You can win, though, when you gamble. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you can. I was watching Trainwrecks today. Trainwreck TV. Dude, it was crazy.

Is he back at it? Dude, it says... You know why I clicked? Why? You know why I clicked on his fucking... I don't even follow him. It was in my suggested. And I clicked because the stream title said 2.5M down.

Oh my God. And I'm like, well, I got to watch this guy. That's like the title of a RuneScape streamer who lost it in GP. And I'm like, holy shit. Yeah. That's crazy it's funny because uh I think he's so concerned about the criticisms that he's always like I just so you know like I gamble offline too like I love this and I feel like he gambles more now so that it like comes off better that's so funny to be like hey guys hey everyone roasting me I do this

offline this like sad horrible thing I do it alone when no one's watching so jokes on you it makes it better i suppose i've been tuning in more consistently because i'm super jealous of that new apartment like that's that's like my dream it is so beautiful imagine it's a green screen i haven't seen it what is it he has like a vancouver penthouse that overlooks the the water the entire you see like the entire river, I don't know what the hell it is, and the city behind it. It's not a river. It's the most beautiful apartment view I've ever seen.

His poor sweet Canadian roommate or housemates who live in the apartment next to him who ought to hear him just like, book, book, book, book, book, fuck! Shit! Wild! Come on! Wild! Come on! Come on! At like 3am. Dude, I bet when he door dashes, he's like like three. Yeah, that's pretty door dashes He's like he asked the guy he's like hey alright

I'm gonna flip this coin for three times the lens on seven each time I get half off all right you down with that If I lose I pay you triple are you good with that? Wild wild Fuck you. Let's fuck me. going to DoorDash Here you go On the topic of Mango Congratulations To C9's very own For winning Smash Summit

Arguably One of the best Melee sets of all time Yeah We were going off In the venue Holy shit Smash got a

Got a little baby bump there I mean it got 115k viewers Which I think is What's the stat It's close to the most Yeah this is like The highest it's been since the Genesis after Ultimate came out. So I guess like 2019?

Which was 170,000, by the way. Really? It's crazy. This still did really well. Yeah, this is amazing. I think it's the most for any summit. Also, you said baby bump, which is a term used when someone is pregnant. So you're saying someone impregnated Melee.

No, I mean a bump that's a smaller bump, like it's a baby pregnant. So you're saying someone impregnated Melee. No, I mean a bump that's a smaller bump. It's a weird way. It was Mango. Mango impregnated Melee. I'm saying it's a baby bump, like a little bump. It's a baby-sized bump. Okay, but baby bump is commonly called being pregnant. Okay, well, Slimo calls me out today.

I was pointing because I have a painting of myself in the house, and I went, it's my portmanteau. And he was like, that doesn't mean that. It literally doesn't. It's a combination of two words. Apparently it's my portmanteau and he was like that doesn't mean that it literally doesn't grill it's a combination of two words apparently it's a combination of two words but you kind of got what i meant though no i didn't to be clear i don't know what you mean i have a communications degree and an english degree and they're separate yeah you can hardly do either okay here also also a painting of yourself in your home and we're breezing over that isn't it kind of cool though the old painting of

all the only the only pass on this is that you didn't get it for yourself and that's the only way just told cutie a couple times acceptable you did leave it says the man who holds art contests for himself he reminds me of like a of like the old wealthy guy who owns the big house in like a scooby-doo episode and then once you die you'll set up like a murder mystery to find your fortune i will one day invite all of our friends and one of them will die yeah i was gonna say like is he the guy that like kills a guy amen dies no for sure there's that episode of like old scooby-doo where where this like rich colonel has died and he brings all of his relatives and for whatever reason scooby-doo where where this like rich colonel has died and he brings all of his relatives and for whatever reason scooby-doo to his home in the afterlife and the butler the

butler plays a tape that he recorded before he dies and he's like i'm glad i've gathered you all here now you have to go on this hunt for my fortune in my home and then the beatles plays and they'll run around playing yeah dude they played knockoff beatles plays and they all run around playing Grab Ass. Yeah, dude. They played knockoff Beatles music in like all those old episodes of Scooby-Doo. I watched a shitload of old cartoons growing up because Cartoon Network would just air them. And I was like this. I've probably seen like every Bugs Bunny, every Tom and Jerry, every Scooby-Doo. And it kind of formed me being a fucking weirdo, I think. Because I would just expect Beatles music to play when people ran.

I have fucked up rich person thoughts now you know what I thought this morning like like purge thoughts I was yeah like like yeah like uh no like I want to kill Eamon I want to do it not like that fucked up but I was watching Train and he was doing a gambling thing this is the most fucked up random thought I had I'm almost embarrassed to share it he was gambling and he was in a bonus and uh and he was winning like 5k but the bonus was really slow and i'm like what if the person who owns this site just injected a billion and then he would have to just stay here for fucking ever just look like how much is it worth it the money he's winning if it takes up this much time to just watch the cut scene of him winning it right if

and he's just and he keeps winning and you have to stay otherwise you don't get to collect the money yes and you just watch it for like a year of your life yeah so what you're saying is like would you sit and stare at a screen for a billion dollars yeah and you were considering a billion a billion i'm just exaggerating like uh what's your number to stare at a blank wall this isn't a rich guy thought is it not i was imagining well i was imagining in this scenario is an evil rich guy who's you i stare to make him stay there i stare at a blank i've shared a blank wall like for free all day to be clear you want to be the evil rich guy that makes him in my mind so you were like okay so you already have the money in this situation and you just want to terrorize other people by forcing them to do embarrassing just to stare at

self-destructive things. The thought came in conjunction with Jeff Bezos who made news today because he's going to fly into space. Is this happening soon? It's happening tomorrow. When this is out, it will already have happened. What's the challenger odds on this?

Dude, low because he's got bread. You think those astronauts had bread? If we all ask Alexa the same time to do a complicated math problem, his fucking rocket explodes. Yeah, my Alexa is all fucked up. It's like, hey, Alexa, divide by zero. And also everyone on the Earth jumps at the same time. Like a bloody Mario. Oh, shit.

Those are them. Wait, it's a bunch of other old people? So that's Jeff Bezos on the earth jumps at the same time. Like a bloody Marriott champion. Oh, shit. Those are them. Those are them. Zipper. Wait, it's a bunch of other old people? So that's Jeff Bezos on the middle. And it's Eamon on the left. On the right. I actually thought Zipper just flashed us the Challenger crew, and I was like, come on,

This actually just looks like if Jeff Bezos got in a time machine with four people in his family, and they all got mixed together. Everyone in this picture looks like they could be him yeah they like swap the eyes they did the party minigame wrong it's a alternative oh wait the right person says Bezos yeah it's Jeff his brother on the right and then that's

an 82 year old woman who's a big aviator and that's Aiden on the left who's always on the same space it looks just like you fucked up is the guy on the left I think that's him, there's an 18-year-old on this flight or maybe like some college grad

whose dad basically bought him the seat. I heard about that. Because there was a random person, there was an anonymous bidding, there was an auction, it sold for $28 million for a spot

and the guy backed out for scheduling conflicts. Okay. Which is crazy to back out on a $28 million flight. No, no, you would literally do that. For $28 million? i'm just saying you

get to a certain point if it was 28k i do it you'd be like ah shit i gotta go to i got i got an offline tv shoot today i can't go i do it with actual airplane flights but those are like 280 not too but what i'm saying is like you're so shit at scheduling and remembering which days exist dude i'm so bad i'm coming to your defense i'm coming to your defense swooping this is because he knows about the sunk cost fallacy the money has already been spent and he knows that exactly he may potentially have a better time with a with a different outing continue with that thought because it's genius no no that has nothing to do with him he's on my side though and i just appreciate that there's nothing to do with him just being like literally a child with a lunch pail who you have to tell like okay

kiddo today you're gonna be doing a sponsored stream okay wait explain exactly what you're talking about because i don't understand i don't know you're mad at me for right now i am just saying what what did i do that so so the the funny part about this that guy having scheduling conflicts and yet paying like having a 28 million dollar to be clear i think the scheduling conflicts is cap. I think he's just a pussy and doesn't want to go to space. Okay. There's no way he's like, I have a golf game that's more important than going to fucking space

and being the seventh person to do it that's not an astronaut. That's horse shit. I don't know. There's no universe. Maybe he's really wanted to play with Phil Mickelson his entire life. Yeah. Phil can only make it work one day. Phil could wait a day. There's no

excuse for anything on Earth that would stop you from going to space. I like the idea of Phil being like, he's like, oh, sorry, Phil, I gotta go to space. And he's like, you're bailing on me? You're bailing on me? It's like, dude, you always flake. I drove from Arizona for this.

I was number two on the PGA rank. I feel like, you know what? I'll let you know when I'm free. Have you seen my career? I've been to the moon and back. It's not that exciting. Here's why I'm mauled.

Be my golf ball and you'll go to the moon. Because we go after we finish streaming the Smash Summit finals, me and Ludwig go to the venue. And he'll like, I just was like sitting around. You were like talking to Toph. And I'm like kind of in your earshot. then you're like i always respond slime don't i always respond and you're carting me around baiting me because you literally don't respond that's crazy you you make it hard to do things and it's okay like at the end of the day we fit we figure it out but it's just frustrating but you'll you'll pull me in and be like hey this is my buddy don't i always respond

toph like like it's a joke and i'm so mad because you'll actually defend yourself like you aren't a pain in the ass i'm a great replier shut the fuck you know it was a big hit was when toph told me he was like even ludwig responds more than you do and i was like oh wow that's huge yeah i've looked at amon's discord dms they're gross it's gross you're disgusting you're disgusting man you're gross i don't need to explain the two things that i think are the cringiest traits in two of my friends amon who leaves through 30 discord messages on red and then atrioc uses light mode for twitter i asked him about that it's like on purpose yeah yeah everyone uses light mode they don't do it by accident mike

also uses light mode yeah the thing is they don't do it by accident but they don't have a great reason when you ask them they're like oh um and now they feel like they have a chip on their shoulder yeah and so all these fucking light mode users are just like wow i guess like i'm doing it wrong i guess i'm just living my life i'm different i don't know it's like yeah you fucking are it's gross you're gross they're like me when i was a kid when i was a kid i when smartphones came out i was anti-smartphone for like three years. Everyone had a smartphone. They're on Twitter and shit.

What did you have? Blackberry or like a- I had a chocolate LG. Oh, you were a chocolate user. And I didn't have anything that could connect to the web and get apps. I didn't get a Samsung or an iPhone until like the iPhone like six, I think was my first one. Everyone knew a bad bitch named Danielle with a chocolate. Oh yeah absolutely.

And she had lean like a cholo as her ringtone. And ours and Ludwig was that. I was the bad bitch. You were the Danielle. My fat ass walking around with that chocolate. You're like in class and all of a sudden you hear I chime in. It's like oh I gotta call. You wanna know my ringtone? My ringtone was the avatar theme.

You are such a fucking loser like like like avatar not like the last airbender no the airbender the airbender oh the airbender i think avatar like like the movie soundtrack i mean like long ago four nations live together in peace it rings it's like you know it took them like two weeks to render this right he just left the computer on. Do you think James Cameron would be psyched about that? Or do you think you'd cheapened his work? No, I think he'd be like, oh, yeah. Dude, he's a psychopath.

He would love that. Of course, he's a fan. Love a fan. Like, that's what happens when you become that person. You have to, like, accept all your fans. Or else you become bitter like, I don't know, like Mike Ross or something. I wouldn't be mad if someone had the Ludwig Reddit recap as their ringtone. I would secretly laugh at you. I think it is a banger, though.

In the moment, I'd be like, all right. No, actually, ironically, I think that's super funny. I'm on board. If it's ironic? Yeah. But also, if it's genuine, it's still funny, but in a different way. Even if it's ironic, it becomes genuine. That's how it always works.

If you guys were on a date and the girl like you're with or guy or whatever Had a ring to a specific ringtone. Is there any song that could play that would make you want to leave the date? Yeah, I mean Maybe not maybe not like get up and leave cuts kind of overboard but like you don't go on a second Well, I really are theme song is a red flag. That is a red flag I don't know. What if he's like fucking got two sleeves and like nine piercings? And it's the friends theme song? The one sleeve is Ross, the other sleeve is Matthew Perry.

It's Ross, but he's like clown Jesus. Imagine you're on a date and she's just like, yeah, I love rock climbing. And like, yeah, I'm in school to study. And all of a sudden the Breaking Bad theme just starts playing out of my pocket. And you're like, I have to take this. That would suck. If it's anything entertainment wise, you you know if you ever date them, that's all you'll ever watch.

Because I dated a Friends girl, and we only watched Friends. It was also the Family Guy girl. And Joey's just like, come on. And she's just like, fucking can't handle it. Who's got the Family Guy story? You do. Is it me? That's you.

That's you. Yeah. I forgot about this. What? I forgot that this happened. Yeah, you went on a Tinder date with family guy girl. It was a Bumble date. Oh, yeah.

He needed coaching to even talk to her, which was funny. It makes me so mad when you explain this to me, by the way. I know. I get furious. I forgot my own story. This is years ago. Ludwig had just started streaming, whatever. He works a normal job.

And he's getting on dating apps to date people. And his game is just fucking terrible. My game crazy i have zero like he's a really handsome guy and women are like messaging him first like hot women are messaging him first average cock uncut and he's like and they're like saying like drop and smiley face like very interested in making the first move and he still just fumbles he'll be like haha yeah and then he'll like come and ask me like what do i say what do i say what should i say here and i'm like dude she asked what your name was just fucking tell her i'm the thing is in person in person i would fly i'd be zooming yeah if i have the message i'd become a different human dude you are it's like you were fucking stunned it was crazy and so so what happened was that he would go on a couple dates with this one girl and

He I would be like oh how that date go he came back. He was like dude. She's like she's like really in a family It's really cool. We have a lot in common, but she kept going hey Peter She kept going, hey, Peter. Hey, Peter. We went to a lunch spot together, and she had her phone out, and I think she was somewhat impressed that I had a bit of a following. I had 10K on Twitter or something. You didn't have 10K at this point because we had a race to 10K,

and you weren't doing it. I had some following, though. I had some following that was more than an average person, and after pulling that up, she pulled up basically family guy funny moments because she would think of a reference to the show, and then I'd be like, yeah, no, I pulled up basically Family Guy funny moments. Because she would think of a reference to the show. And then I'd be like, yeah, no, I don't. Wait, hold on. She saw your follower count and then pulled it up?

No, she had the phone out. Oh, I see. And then she like, because of that. Oh, this is like the Family Guy episode where Peter meets a guy who has 5,000 followers. And then I would be like, oh, I don't know that one. Rather than just letting that slide, she'd be like, okay, I got you. I had the idea of dating this girl for a while. And every time she does anything, she's like, oh, let's look this up on Google.

She's like, oh, and she was just looking at a family guy clip. But every time she does something. You guys have a huge fight. And she's got tears streaming down her face. She's like, you never listen to me. Look, it's like this episode, okay? It's like that one time. She imagined the flashback.

She does it. It'd be a great TikTok. It's like you're looking at a time and like she imagined the flashback she does it that'd be a great tiktok is like you're looking at a picture on someone's phone they're trying to show you and then you swipe through and it's like 800 pictures like peter griffin yeah it's every frame of the first episode let me delete sorry my bad um okay wait i want to go back to something so there was this we were talking about james cameron and like it like there's a part also back in that same era of ludwig he had this phase where he would read the autobiographies of like billionaires oh yeah so he read steve jobs he read elon musk isaacson that's great so it was 20 of your like like things you would say would start with yeah so when i was reading the autobiography of elon when i was

reading walter isaacson's book about steve jobs what's crazy is like even me not having lived with you yet heard about this phase like through the grapevine at the time because i cooked him for it because i thought it was so weird and that's when i started calling you a psychopath and you get really defensive like i'm not a psychopath just well you'd be like you're a psychopath because you don't listen to music and you read autobiographies of rich people i think it's not autobiographies obviously first of all their biographies their biographies second of all steve jobs is great walter isaacson's like it's just a great writer yeah he ate vegetables because he thought it would cure his disease he was fruitarian

and he skipped out on chemo and it almost worked and it almost worked if it wasn't for the day for those vegetable that's for those meddling kids he had a stalk of celery and uh yeah i read steve jobs uh elon musk i someone recently did netflix founders they're interesting mogul moves would not have existed if i hadn't i know that's it comes from this like really weird phase where you were just really obsessed with rich people and i thought it was weird and i just made funny it's less rich people right it's not like i am the son of an oil baron here's my life it's more like steve jobs what the fuck that's what i want i want like the saudi royal prince biography and it's just like a chapter he's just like monday we figure out how to spend our money yeah so it's just always been

this way and uh sometimes i send out a few emails and no one believes who i am emailing is hard i try to give it away yeah he's like i bought nine nine cars today all at a hundred grand each and then i killed the guy so that was fun yeah it was busy it was on rich people and on smash summit something that i i've been trying to get used to in the past like year or so is whenever ludwig enters rooms it's like this aura that comes like not for me but for like all the people that like used to be chill but for like all the people that like used to be chill around him they all like gravitate towards him in this weird way me and anthony have talked about this it's like like you like you came over to smash summit in the after

party i just noticed like everyone is like just walking towards you now and standing a little closer to like wherever you are he's like jesus you're kind of like jesus i changed minus the sacrifice people's attention to money for me. Much like he changed water to wine. It's really weird. I get maybe people who wanted to meet you and it's their only chance or whatever. But people who even have met you, I feel like just kind of gravitate over there. I think it's just been so long because of COVID as well. And so I had this conversation like 15 times yesterday.

I was like, hey, man, it's been a while, but congrats on all the success. Oh, yeah. I heard that like so many times. The first time I noticed this was during that speedrun event that we did for BTS when, like, all these, like, fucking legendary speedrunners were just, like, stoked to meet you. And I was like, dude, ZFG thinks you're sick. Yeah, that's crazy. And I'm like, that's crazy.

That was the start of that. Because ZFG is sick. Dude, there's also this idea that, like, Ludwig... I lost my train of thought. I'm sorry. Jacked. Well, I have one more thing about Smash Summit that was funny. I'm not going to name names because this is a pretty funny story.

But someone at Smash Summit came up to me and was talking about what they were going to do later. And they were like, yeah, we're going to watch Samurai Cop. And I was like, cool. I haven't heard of that movie. What is that about? And he's like, yeah, we're going to watch Samurai Cop. And I was like, cool. I haven't heard of that movie. What is that about? And he's like, yeah, you should definitely watch it. Almost encouraging me to watch it with them without the invitation. And was just like, you definitely should watch this movie.

It's got it all. It's from the 80s. It's got a ton of racism and boobs. And I was like, yeah, dude, my two favorite things. Are you trying to sway me? I have a top three of who that could be. We'll talk after. I have a top three, who that could be we'll talk after i have a top three but one of them's i guarantee you you would not guess i can promise you it's blur blur everything he says out do your three i do know this and it uh and it shocked do your three guesses

okay uh or or i know the answer no way no no. No. None of the three. It was. You're all wrong. It was. That makes sense. That makes sense. Well, they all watched it. How does that make sense? Don't say they.

It was. And it was like a large group activity. So I imagine that's how it was pitched to him. Oh, because they hadn't watched it yet. Yeah. I imagine that's how it was pitched to him. So this is like an old 80s anime movie or something i'm like you could have said like oh you know it's kind of like men in black or something but instead that was their pitch and i'm like i mean i'm sure

that guy's a joker is all i'll say he likes to he likes to shake it up look i remember i was gonna say yeah by the way okay and i tried to yes it is the dark gen x uploaded like a bunch of like four pictures on twitter so you can do four at a time like ah smash summit was great yeah one of the pictures he uploaded was the one he took with ludwig and ludwig was there for like five two hours well he came up to me and told me a story that i had forgotten and when i ran a parody twitter account called unfiltered toph he retired and i said announcing a retirement for you is like a little league softball player announcing their retirement from the game wait he said that about you I said that about him

yeah he retired from melee and I was like that's like a little league softball player announcing their retirement uh that's because he wasn't like you know a top 100 player that's a pretty big jab for you yeah it was a pretty big roast big roast. And he puts his hand on your shoulder. He's like, yeah, man, I was like Steve Buscemi and Billy Madison. I had the lipstick on and I was ready to fucking kill you. No, he was like, it was funny and whatever. But he had brought that up and I'd forgotten about it. So maybe that's why.

But did he bring it up? Like, why would he bring it up? Like, I don't know if you remember. Because I think we had never, it was Unfiltered Tofu had done it and not Ludwig, so he didn't know if you remember because i think i we had never it was unfiltered tofu had done it and not ludwig so he didn't know uh but let's talk about this because i almost got you fired oh nick a little bit yeah i would i mean probably not actually but it's a big meme he didn't get him we'll put it in the youtube title well it's gonna be almost got nick fired here's the thing you work at at Beyond the Summit, all right?

You used to, Aiden. To be clear, I still do. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. You're with us now. By the time this airs, you won't work there anymore. That is true. So Nick still works there, and he has no plans on leaving

because he likes the team, he likes the work, whatever. But I have announced on this podcast my secret master plan to get Nick really rich. A secret plan. On a podcast. Well, I thought it was a podcast well i thought it was a secret i thought i was but you know amongst us listeners and in yeah because the ceo beyond summit goes home and then turns on his pod that he sits in and doesn't listen to anything yeah i didn't know

so he can recharge silence area he doesn't look at any media what the ceo beyond the summit did was listen to the podcast and then hear my master plan and then at the summit he was like so i heard your plan that's so funny and he turns to aiden and he's like you motherfucker because apparently he had asked aiden if nick's gonna leave and he's like no that happened yeah i left because i worked at the same company and i left and then ken sat down and it was like hey this isn't gonna like be a thing is it and it was like no way ken brought that up when i told him i was leaving too it was the that conversation like after after you left because we were we were sad it's just like yeah so the team uh like the leads we've all had a meeting and we're a little concerned like about losing the rest of you and i was like

yeah i don't think you have any reason to worry and it was like a month later me and nick both want to stay and then and then a year later i'm like ken aiden's like you got nothing to worry about i didn't let the spongebob screen pops up and it's like three days later oh by the way uh i i speaking of spongebob and how it connects to every piece of our life amen did this thing where he went he basically i was he said he was going out uh this was like last weekend i think and um we joked with him a lot we're like you're gonna you're gonna have sex amen you're gonna have sex you're gonna have sex with someone you're gonna have sex with someone no i'm not gonna have sex with someone no i'm not gonna do that he does do that just gonna go like hang out whatever and and he gets really defensive he gets really it's very defensive when you ask i already brought it i'm gonna say he comes home and uh i i hit him again like fucking have some sex i mean you have

sex when you hung out or what he's like and he looked me dead ass in the eyes like no no no i didn't know and i'm sitting on my computer and he gets in his rolly chair and rolls up to me really close and he's like i had sex with that person what's also funny about that is before he left the house i did the same exact thing to him and i was like you got shingles man and he was like he was like i'm not gonna have sex i have shingles what he said i have shingles i'm not gonna have sex and then when he had sex i was like that guy's got shingles man and aiden goes and he goes i kept my shirt on like like he's going in the pool and the reason why spongebob reminded me of this was because it's the moment where

squidward does not like crabby patties he's never tried them and then he finally does and he's after hours at the carsey crab and he's like hiding one and spongebob finds out you like intercourse don't you squidward oh yeah where's the really high he's like you like crabby patties don't and i kept saying i feel like you like crabby patties don't you you're like getting he was also like yeah but i kept my shirt on and i was like damn it's like that like a fucking did you tell them disrespectful of course what the fuck i'm not i'm not insane oh my god i don't know to me hey do you want to go somewhere private also i have this disgusting disease yeah it's crazy he said to them i have a gross icky shingle body that's not what i said you'll get it if we fuck and then they're like also they're like gone you've seen this oh no let's see shingle update shingle update okay

now they're gone they were not that is not gone that is not gonna show the viewers show the viewers are home that is not gone it's that's fine no but it's fine a week ago it looked like a like a 13 year old boy in middle school on the Accutane before it kicked in. Oh, I took Accutane. Did you guys take Accutane? He's just wrong. He's described these poorly every step of the way. On your acne, we got to talk about you.

My acne. No, your fucky boy. My fucky boy? What does that mean? Your penis and balls. Why did you lie? To him? Yeah.

Because I hate when you're right. No. Cheat man. Did you not plan on having sex? No. No. I just wanted a good night in for once, and I had to have sex. And to Mr. and Mrs. McPagg, we're kidding.

He didn't actually have sex. He's waiting until marriage, as you promised. Last week? No. I didn't call them. I didn't be like, yeah, mom, dad dad i had sex like that would be good i think i'm i'm actually super i think ever since i left home i'm like super honest with my parents about everything when the topic comes up so but they gotta ask they got us the right question you

haven't told them about heroin yet that's true you didn't tell them you've been doing a lot of heroin i mean over christmas like when the track marks were out, it was... It was time to mess up. Yeah. You gotta come clean there. That aside, I was... I think when it just comes up on like a phone call or something, I think I'll be pretty like open with them about like my sex life or something if it were to come up.

Well, my... But it just has to be like a really specific conversation. Sure. And yeah. Also, yeah. One, I just hate when you guys are right. come up but it just has to be like a really specific conversation sure and uh yeah i also i yeah one i just hate when you guys are right okay and i didn't plan on it and uh we were we were giving you shit for so long and like to a point where it was like actually a meme it's like he's obviously not going to and he came home it's which is funny because we've somehow like we've somehow found a way to dunk on Aiden for fucking yeah

what's funny is the first year he lived with us he never had sex and never had anyone over and we'd make fun of him for that and then he also

did have sex this is exactly like when I got bullied in second grade for having arm hair and then I shaved and got bullied for having shaved arms

there's no winning I am just carrying that weight the old thing was call us Addison that I haven't had sex with anyone In the old house And then I did Have sex with people I had sex with a number of people

And then you shifted the goalposts And was like well you haven't had sex in this house Cause I would go over their places Yeah We fuck you up, I mean. I will say. I also hate taking shit from you specifically. Why?

Because you do have no game. You have no game. What? Oh. It's true. Okay. You're lucky you locked Cutie down because you have no game. No, no.

She said he honeydicked her. All right. Let's go around. Everybody say your number because I don't think I'm the lowest of people you've had sex with. The number of women? Women or people you've had sex with. Human beings. If my mother's watching, no one.

We're waiting until marriage. If she isn't watching this episode, I got to think about it. Come back to me. I got to think about it. It's not a lot. I just don't remember. Okay. He's doing the math.

Mine's like, I think it's like 22, 23. Wait, that's wrong. You've told me this number before. It's higher than that, right? Maybe it's higher. I forget. The first time you told me, I think you said like 28 or 27. Mine's low.

Mine's like three or like three. Mine's four. Mine's three. Virgin! This is what I'm talking about. I hate taking shit from him. You're off the show it's okay I clocked more hours than him guys got some OT don't come at me in the Xbox live call, dude. You're fucking... Aiden's number is equivalent to like the amount of Steam games, like Soda Pop. What? No, listen. It's the amount of Melee sets Meg goes.

Well, I've just been in like too many committed relationships for long periods of time. Here's the thing. I had... So I got broken up with a couple years ago. Yeah. And I was so bummed out about it. I literally went through the Rolodex and like counted. You did that.

Just to like psych myself up. And it was in a note in my phone. Dude, that's like that story of. I've had sex before. So I can do it again. That's like that story of Firepuff like after watching a scary movie and then driving home and doing the mango chant to not feel so scared. Yeah.

That's you. You're going through your Rolodex and you're like, oh, I was like at least 30 minutes with that girl that's literally literally what i did add up the hours anthony i was really sad and so yeah i was like oh i'm i i still i'm still cool and then uh so whatever when we had that conversation i had a very hard number but i just forgot it so yeah when my ex-girlfriend broke up with me and i was going that was down bad uh i i think back to how i just watched like every single rooster teeth minecraft let's play to feel better and i was going that was down bad uh i i think back to how i just watched like every single rooster teeth minecraft let's play to feel better and i think about that and i was like that's really funny yeah that's insane that is because it did help that's your uh that's your

proverbial ice cream yeah that's your it did help i was really fucked up i was so fucked up about that my friends had to have an intervention for me at one point. And they just came. They were at my house one day when I got home from work. And I was just like, what's up, guys? Bro, you're being. And they literally. They were sitting around in a circle like, yeah, we came over because you are not fun to be around. And I was mad.

I was like, fuck you guys. Go home. And they're like, we care about you. And I was like, shut up. And I just go home. And I'm like the meme of the angry guy crying and I'm just watching Minecraft. That's crazy. That's the house.

But I remember after that, I had this like deal with myself. I was like, I will never be a pussy simp online ever again. And I haven't been since then. Just in real life. There you go. You know, when people are like, Ludwig, you've brought this up before where you're like people like oh man you saved my life Ludwig you saved my life with your content you're like no I didn't you saved you like you're the one who is putting in the work to make yourself better or whatever and I think a lot of times like especially like in a young man's life

I think when you like get broken up with like that and then you just latch on to something for me it was actually Cowboy Bebop and Lupe Fiasco you just I think to something for me it was actually cowboy bebop and lupia fiasco you just i think honestly you're just kind of you're just picking something that like elicits enough of an emotional reaction in you that you cannot think about whatever the fuck is bothering you for an hour it's synonymous with like being safe emotionally and i can just imagine that's happened with ludwig stuff someone has marathoned every ludwig video after getting fucking swerved. Someone's going through it right now

watching this podcast. Damn. I just want you to know I am not here for you. I salute you. But I salute you. Aiden is the most here for you if you want to DM any of us about it.

He might reply. Shoot a DM. It's at Eamon underscore Calvin. Dude, I actually had this happen to me once. You guys, it's just another wave of the thing from the last episode. Wait, I actually had this happen to me once. You guys, it's just another wave of the thing from the last episode. Wait, wait, wait. Have you gotten more? Yes!

What is it, frustrating or fun? It's not fun. Is it not fun to talk to our listeners? No, they're not fun. Some of them are nice. To their credit, most of them are nice. And then the other half of them are like trying to be funny and are not. Was anyone funny?

No. Almost. One person was funny. One person funny what they say and they were and they oh you're gonna give them so much validation they were an australian melee player oh that's fine those guys are all homies what was the funny thing uh i can't remember honestly on the topic of this like the this sort of what life and getting more dms man does this fucking suck and I wish it would stop. I get DMs actually frequently from people who do things like this. They go, hey, man, I just wanted to let you know I've been going through a lot, and I've been watching the stuff that you do, and it's helped a lot.

And I'm moved by that, and so I'll respond. And I kind of want them to feel ignored when they pour their heart out to me. So I'm like, hey, man, it means a lot. Thanks. And then they always do the same thing. They go, hey, just say hi to Ludwig for me or something like that. That was all they wanted to fucking say. And they thought this was their way they could, one, Ludwig told me about this.

I found out that people will DM you something that they believe can get you to at least respond one time. Because it takes you out of the message request area of Twitter and puts you in the main DMs. So now when they DM you, you get an actual notification for it. That is like fucking American psycho shit. That is crazy.

They're just fans of Ludwig, man. There was one random fan that I appreciate the DMs from and he just drops them on occasion, but he sends different funny pictures of raccoons to me, and that's all he does. I hate gimmicks like that. Okay, here's the thing. What is happening in real time in front of everyone's eyes is you guys are both turning into me slowly.

Because I've been like this. I don't despise it like you. I just hate the deception. If someone messages me and it is just like hey like if they like like do something something like oh i appreciate you do even if it's more fanny even if they're like like they send me some played out meme i just ignore it or i'll or i'll say like thanks i don't care though it doesn't ruin my day or make me think about it for more than a second i i mean i'm getting better at ignoring i feel that i i feel

bad when i don't acknowledge and respond because i think i've always been able to do that for the most part you don't respond to your friends no think I've always been able to do that for the most part. You piece of shit. You don't respond to your friends. No, hold on. I'm getting around to that. Why don't you cool your jets? I'm sorry. Yeah, you got it.

That was real cool. I feel bad because anybody who reaches out, I would at least like to give the dignity of responding and recognize them, right? But now it's falling into this place where there's so many messages uh that it's it's really hard to like get to them all because i'm already bad at responding to people normally like i'm really bad at just responding to people i really care about you know and i i but i always feel that level of guilt because that's why mark everything is unread because it's this idea that i will get to it i think the main difference between you and anthony

though is that if this exact thing were to happen to you in real life, you actually wouldn't, you would like that. You would like if people came up to you in real life and started a conversation. Yeah, cause that's cool. Yeah, I don't like conversations like that. I'm down for that. It's not like, I don't have like a disdain for it. It actually just makes me nervous.

Cause like, I feel like a random conversation happening to me, it's like, I don't wanna waste their time. I'm probably not interested in what they have to say. I just to get in get out social situations override my fucking brain you got no game yeah i have no yeah you have no game with fans you got no platonic he does have game he does have game in the old house i was thinking about this he hooked up with somebody and the next morning and the next morning he comes out in his underwear. She's already left, by the way, so he's not parading in front of her. She left her vape in my room. Do you know that?

That's funny. He just comes out of his room, and he's brushing his teeth, and he's like, Look at me, a king, a god. That is so fucking funny. Fucks one time. I don't remember this. This is recorded recorded this is a video too so we can we can like put this at the front roll it roll it right now we can roll it for this one i can i can post it i love that you set that up because you know what happened i got gonorrhea i was wondering if i could talk about this it was my first i wasn't gonna say it i'm a god he came up to me like it must have been like

a couple weeks later right and you're like so uh you know that girl i hooked up with i got a leaky dick now man that's exactly what he said i can't believe you had to wear a diaper listen all right everyone here's oh Listen, alright, everyone. Oh my god. You got a diaper for his leaky pee pee? Dude, listen to me. Dude, do you have a favorite brand now? So this actually came after the girl that broke up with me. So I got broke up with.

I wrote all of the girls I ever had sex with down in a... Put them up on a wall and drew lines between them. No, I didn't. just how we get back to i'm just saying these things happen in succession and then i and then i got on tinder and so uh you know i go on a date with this girl we go and see jojo rabbit it sucks uh i've someone asked me by the way they dm me and they're like just curious why didn't you like Jojo Rabbit? And I was like, I don't want to talk to you. It's a pretty good movie. I liked it.

I didn't like it. I also didn't like it, but I recognize it to be a decent movie. I think the kid was a great actor too. So we go see this movie and I think I'm pretty charming. I like connecting with people in a planned environment. For all the Mario Goatsy pics, you're a very good date as far as i understand and so and yeah and so we we talked and then it kind of it escalated and i was like do you want to come back to my place and she's like yeah sure so so yeah so we end up here's

the thing though dude i have so much to say about this she love family guy listen she just kept saying Peter no okay this side note hate girls who do Carmen impressions was she the hardcore Republican no I love that story I love that story I'll tell that one later too

so this girl she I we had sex and she, she. Cringe. Blew me with her mouth, right? So cringe. This is going to get a little graphic, guys. So if you want to skip ahead. She blew me with her feet.

If you're a Ludwig aged viewer, you probably want to listen to this. I'm 26. Yeah. If you're, if you're below the age of 18, go ask your parents to listen with you. So. Mom, dad. We're going to send out permission slips. below the age of 18 go ask your parents to listen with you so okay mom dad there's enough permission slips she blows me but she's like really getting fucking like down there right like and i'm like damn all this meat the way you're telling this story is so weird it's so much worse this is gonna matter and then we have sex with a condom. Okay. That, that makes sense. Cause that's what you do.

So I ended up getting gonorrhea from her, from her teeth and mouth. How did that happen? And I'm thinking about it and I'm researching. Cause like, so what happened was like, she blew another dude with gonorrhea. No, listen to me. She had gonorrhea in her throat. Whoa. Because I, I wrote her.

So when I, I messaged her and i was like hey i know this is awkward we actually like we didn't like vibe at all after that um we kind of just talked for a little bit and then we just just didn't we didn't mess each other again she didn't ask for her vape i was like okay that's like osmosis jones three and they gotta they gotta go to the throat and get rid of all the gonorrhea in there the big pill guy the big pill guy is like she definitely so listen we failed her so when when i i start like it's a really bad feeling right like your your dick feels like there's something in it right and so you're and you're just constantly leaking and i finally look and i'm like oh oh my God. And I was really scared.

The term leaking is so graphic. It's gross. There's a big white fly that says bang coming out of it. That's why they call it the drip. That's the slang for it. And so I'm scared, right? This sucks. And she's like, this is my first STD I've ever had.

And so I'm like, oh my God. So I messaged her. I'm like, hey, it's really awkward. I just want to let you know I got gonorrheaorrhea i have it because i went to the doctor they diagnosed dude i pulled down my pants and the doctor was like yep and that was like exactly like shingles the moment i lifted the shirt he's like ah that's shingles it's crazy what a little knowledge can do for you it's a big red button all those those alarms go off. They get him evacuated immediately. A clown comes in on a bike. It's the Monsters, Inc. team.

The little thing that's like taped on the wall of every doctor's office. He finally takes it off and breaks it and puts it under your nose. We never need this thing. So, yeah. And the doctor was like, yeah, okay, here's a big horse pill. Eat that. And then she gave me a shot in my ass. And that was it.

And it cured it after like a week. So lucky that you got one that could go away. I'm on the drive home, and I'm just like, this is so sick. Because if this is the Middle Ages, I still have a leaky dick. Yeah. You know? And so, okay. So this all happens.

I message her. I say, hey, this is like, sorry, this is awkward, but I got gonorrhea, and you're the only person I've had sex with since my ex-girlfriend, and she did not have anything because we have tested with each other so I'm just telling you like it's 99% I got it from you and again I'm confused because we wore a condom um and then she was like oh that's that's weird too because I've got tested like super recently and I didn't have anything but I'll you know I'll check again again like she's like I'm sorry like all it's okay it's okay and you know we're just adults about it and then i'm fucking reading and i find out that getting tested for gonorrhea you literally need to you can get it in your throat and not in your in your in your downstairs and you need to be tested for both oh and she only did the the one piece only did the

one piece and not the two piece yeah and that's how I got it. So, guys, be careful because that can happen. Damn. Imagine going to the doctor and they're checking for, like, strep throat. And they're like, all right, I've got good news and bad news. It's going to be hard to deal with. She didn't know either. And, like, it's a weird, weird. Can it just be, like, in there and not show itself in any way?

I don't know. I think so. It's going to be like a... It's not a fun conversation to have in any circumstance, but you just have to have it. How was the shingles conversation? With this person? Yeah. Did you have to explain what shingles are?

They knew about it already. Your shingles? Yes. You postured before you hung out? No. No, they met and she was like, oh, you're the shingles guy. That's how they hit it off. I listen to the yard you're shingle boy No she knew She knew about it already

And I just explained Like She's like She wanted to have sex and I just like explained How you can get it and then we were just like Well do you want to keep your shirt on And I was like It's like you going in the pool at a party

puffy nipples and you keep your shirt on you got the big old puffers you're like the all the small things music video when he has like the huge fucking nipples of the water park that's you except you don't have big nipples wait wait are you talking about the sum 41 uh video no this is this is all the small things. Okay. Wait, is it In Too Deep? Well, In Too Deep, it's the guy, he's the lead guitarist, and I think he's got big nipples. Wait, isn't In Too Deep?

No, this is Blink-182. In Too Deep is the pool video, right? Five bucks? In Too Deep is also a pool video. I say Blink-182. You want to do five bucks? No, because In Too Deep. Okay, are you talking about it's in an empty pool, and there's a diving contest?

Yeah, that is Sum 41. I'm talking about the guy with the big nipples at the water park. It's just two different nipple experiences. Anyway. Okay. To be clear, it doesn't hurt anymore. It's fully healed. I've finished my medication.

We can put a stick in it. I'm down to top talking about shingles for the rest of the podcast. Thank you. I would like to leave this. I would like to leave this era of my life. Unless you get it again. Can I get just one more out? If we're going to go away and never do it again, can I just just one more out if we're gonna go away with them to never do it again

Can I tell me out fine? Okay? Sorry? I'm really nervous okay? Show me Even gross anymore all right. Hey, so the bridge said your number by the way, it's For beat him by one which is three and that's why he's the bird and It's four. I said it was four. It's four. And you beat him by one, which is three. And that's why he's the virgin. And then my number is, I don't want to fucking. 28, and then your number is 7,639. That's a little high. To be clear, my number is lower than it's.

It is higher than Hassan's. Oh, wow. No way. No. No shot. Oh, triple digit Hassan? No, we asked him. You know, we asked him.

Yeah. When we met him, and he literally looked at us, and he looked up in the air, and he went, I got no fucking clue. And I was like. I just laughed. Dude no. What was annoying is I said. Let's both say our number on three.

And he goes. Okay. And then. Yeah. I say my number. And he goes. Yeah. I don't know my number.

You hit him with a four. I'm like. Why would you agree. To saying the number. If you don't know the number. That guy's a beast. He's just built to fuck. I mean.

He's just. He is built. The most desirable man on the internet i think i will say i went to his house great home great man he has a p.o box like me someone sent him nudes in his p.o box he talked about that on stream he just they just sent him nudes yeah he went through them like you go through pokemon cards yeah he was like okay it went through like 9.5 psa 10 someone sent me dirty underwear that was really no way i never saw it qd picks up my po box stuff and she got it she screens it she screened it is so gross that's disgusting yeah uh it was apparently from someone in canada called mckay got on a man's dad dirty shitty under their fruit of the loom

imagine your dad's funny hey Bob get my present I sent out in the mail I left some streaks in there for you speaking of skid marks a lot of people these days be shitting the bed with their money and that's why we have a new sponsor what a transition coinbase coinbase hey guys listen up we are sponsored this podcast by coinbase which is an app you can use and you can buy and sell cryptocurrency. Been around for a long time. This has been around during the boom. Remember the boom? And that is who we're sponsored by.

And they have a blue color scheme. That's cool. That's my shirt also. And take it away, guys. I think what's cool, honestly, something I think that's cool about crypto popping off is we work together sometimes in the ad space making making commercials through my job, sometimes Slime will write for us,

sometimes Loveable will act for us, Aiden at Shingles, and I had one. But it's like, I've just never in my life seen a crypto commercial ever, or like a Coinbase or like anything like that. So it's like, there's nothing really to reference and you gotta, you referenced like traditional media, but it's kind of just a new playing field to make media for.

Yeah. For everything. Streaming, like all of it. It's just all new territory. If there was a chat right now, they'd just be saying, chill, Dan's game. Yeah. But I mean, it's cool. But I directed that commercial for the Mogul Money, and that was like a project we all worked on.

It was really fun and cool. Yeah, it turned out really well. If you guys are listening, you can download Coinbase. I don't even think we have a code at this point. Honestly, I think it's just literally download it and they just want you to have it. They're very new and they're using us as guinea pigs, so hopefully don't screw this up so they stick around for a while.

Alright, Soul Sellers. We have a sponsor! We'll fuck it up and then Coinbase likes it and then we can start making money because, Eamon, I'm now your boss. One step closer to Ludwig's plan is getting bread. I'm Eamon's boss now. Don't rub your hands together

like you aren't a part of this plan. Your employee was rude to me today. At work. HR meeting live. Hi, I'm HR. Yeah, so he was telling me to shut up. Hey, shut up. You said you were HR. I'm talking to your boss right now. Shut up, bro. Are you HR or is he HR? Suck me. Well, talking to your boss right now. Shut up, bro. Are you HR or is he HR? Suck me.

Well, now you have an HR problem. Well, I'm HR, so I'll just let that slide. I'm all of it. Does it feel good? Do you think I'll be a good boss? Why are you laughing? No, stop this shit. Why is he laughing?

Because he literally sees what I go through every day trying to get you to say what day it is of the week. I go through every day trying to get you to like say what day it is. One of my favorite one week slime interactions ever, ever is Anthony, Anthony showing him and walking him through why he should. I was so mad. I was so fucking mad at you dude. Why you should not show the last four digits of your new credit card on stream.

Oh my God. And the step-by-step process by which you can avoid showing these four digits when you give subs to people on stream and you you're sitting there and you're like yeah uh-huh and just the you know looking at your phone anthony spends a good 20 to 50 you know 15 to 20 minutes explaining why this is important. Later that evening, the credit card, the credit card just goes out. It was actually a moment. I actually sat down with him afterwards and was like,

I feel disrespected. And I need to know as a friend that you were not trying to disrespect me, that you're just being an asshole. I pulled up the floor and be like, uh oh. It's like he's on screen going, what? I'm not going to show it. I wouldn't do this.

I wouldn't do this i wouldn't do this because what it is right now it's like right now i i have to like every time something like that happens i it creates like hours of work for me right let's say we have to cancel that card then we have to get a new one then we have to set up a card that can do gift subs and like the volume that he moves through and it's a pain in the ass and so it's like i need you what i was saying to him was like i need you to just acknowledge that look he's already tired he's already he's already running his hands through his hair he's thinking about just because you don't know what it feels like does not mean i'm tired i'm just already thinking about fucking dirs and rubbing his belly and i'm

like and i just need you to acknowledge that putting in a little effort stops me from having to do a bunch of unnecessary work. And I hope that got through. This is the team I'm joining. Yeah. So basically, welcome to the team. Thank you. Welcome to the team, man. Are you excited?

Yeah, actually. I tried to make a pretty thoughtful and heartfelt and like how I how I feel about my job currently about like how I really do like it I think I'm a little jaded with esports in general and that like makes me think about trying out something new and you've talked about this idea of this like merch company uh for a while and I always thought it was a really good idea so when the opportunity came up and you wanted to take it more seriously, I was like, yeah, I think I want to do this. And I'm really excited to do something new because I feel like, for me, I've wanted to do esports for so long.

Since I was 16, I have been pursuing esports as a career, as an end goal. And now it's like, I'm going to give it all up and go work for my roommate. as an end goal. And now it's like, I'm going to give it all up and go work for my roommate. I will say my unabashed confidence is maybe misleading because we were talking to Eamon about it

in the gym, like working out. And I was talking about the company. He's like, how do you think it'll do? I was like, ah, easy eight figures.

Everyone will be like, really? And I'll be like, yeah. I drove him. Dude, I fucking hate you so goddamn much. I drove him dude I fucking hate you so god damn much

I drove you we were going to the venue and we're driving and I'm like so yeah this merch company I'm like I'm kind of worried do you feel like

we're just in a really good spot as far as like money and stuff like that and doing well and you literally you were like yeah and I'm like

why can't we just have a conversation about like and be honest about like our fears and our thoughts and our hopes and our dreams no fears full throttle only confidence only pedal to the metal and that's why i'm on board cut out number the what is skeptical over there nick where it's like if for for like it's just like the the white people like coin flip where it's like hey we should either start a podcast or start a merch company yeah it's like start a merch company or start a podcast and now

you're both of them yeah the coin has landed on its on its side yeah we hit it's like an inception when they spin the top and it just never falls yeah and we're just doing and that's like the revenue never ending and the streams cross when we do podcast merch yeah oh you know i i would love to have a sick ass even i'm excited just like having this like first product of my work so you can't even this isn't a plug because you can't even buy it yet but idiot uh i'm showing this off because ms kiff decided to show it already really cute and i like a lot i like how it looks a lot um it is cute it's nice to have a physical product in your hand and be like yeah i helped get that done i think something that is really cool that i just sort of never anticipated from all this was uh like when ludwig first asked me to design some stuff for

mogul moves and like for some of the hoodies just seeing people wearing it like i'll go places or i'll go to like esports events particularly not like in public as much but i'll just see someone like wear something that was on my computer at one point and that is a weird feeling i haven't seen one in the wild i've seen a couple in the wild my roommate from college well i talked to him on the phone the other day and he's like yeah i saw like i think one of your hoodies and like i was gonna go up to him and then i was like wait what do i say here yeah yeah that is weird i used to live with that that's a quick conversation it's like hey hey that guy used to be I used to live with that guy. That's a quick conversation. It's like, hey, that guy used to be my roommate. And he's like, oh, cool.

Yeah. Came to his pants a lot. Anyway, see you later. I did come to myself a lot back then. What do you think your number is for cummed in your pant? At night? Lifetime. Lifetime.

At night. I know my number. 26. Really? Not really that little. I would say. I would say. I thought it was going to be a know my number. 26. Really? Not really that little. I would say. I would say. I thought it was going to be a Hassan number.

That's how many times I've shit myself in my bed. Not actually. Wow. Impressive. I've never done that. What's your number? Two. Two time?

Shameful, pathetic, low numbers. I've never done that, and I'm not even bragging. I'm a little jealous. Low T. Low T. Low T. Low T. Low T.

Low T. Low T. Low T. Low T. Low T. Low T. Low T. Low T.

Low T. Low T. Low T. Low T. Low T. Low T. Low T. Low T.

When I was, I've told this story before. I think I'm like bad melee from uh february 20 uh 2009 to february 2010 i didn't jerk off i wanted to see as a challenge as a challenge yeah you have told me this and i just did it to like to prove to my own body and soul but that was the only time in which that happened to me yeah then i started hearing colors and it became too overwhelming yeah that joke about being able to levitate and shit but but yeah i i did it i remember the day that the clock turned over and i was like all right i am actually super impressed by that because i'll see you like try to not do like like a bad knee in melee and like you can't like you actually't resist. I'm getting better at doing things

that take discipline. You are. I've noticed. I'm 31, and so it's a little late, but whatever. I've been getting rocked by Sheeshman lately, I will say that. So I will say, oh, great. I'm so glad we can talk about this. Shake, Drizzle, Ludwig's editor. We met Ludwig's editor. We met Ludwig's editor, but more importantly... He's cool.

He's nice. Yeah, he's not weird, which is awesome. Yeah, it would have been a shame if he was weird. He was a bigger YouTuber than me when he started. It's true. Which is funny. A couple people who met him at Smash Summit were like, oh, you're like shaking like the Lee Sin montage guy. People will know that.

And I'm like, dude, I know him from Smash. That's crazy. Yeah, from making PR combo videos. But what's more important is that I played probably about, I don't know, maybe 50, 60 games of Melee with him, and I took a shit on him for 99% of those. You took a poop on his head and mouth. And I dubbed myself the Sheesh Man. Why is that?

Why do you call yourself that? Because every time I would beat him, I'd go, Sheesh Man! Yeah. You know, it's funny. As I was talking to Nick Engling, who is here, and he said that Sheesh is out. No, it is. Because they played Apex Legends, and a 14-year-old told them

that it was cringe to say Sheesh. Yeah, 100%. I have this problem where I just have verbal tics that I lean on to fill in gaps in my head. It's contagious. Like a psycho.

It is. It's contagious. So when COVID started, I had this bit, which, okay, it's Aradman, which is just like an Eastern European guy with no accent that makes any sense. You become a Pokemon. I do. But that actually came from my friend, Sam, who did a impression of Arteezy, the Dota

player, which is a really good impression. And he ended it with Arad. And I would like put man at the end of that. And when COVID hit and I was just in the house all the time with Eamon making eggs in the morning, I would just become the all right man. And eventually just saying it lost its luster. So he would just start screaming it.

Yeah. Every morning in the old house at the beginning of COVID, we had a nice routine because I i didn't i don't think i had the desk yet so i used to when when i moved into the old house with them for the first time i didn't have a normal desk i had an ikea shelf like an ikea wide yeah two squares right that i put my pc on and my knees would go in the cubbies of the shelf. It wasn't even like a desk. It was literally just fucking like

how many you put books in? You could like afford a desk. It was a tiny bookshelf. It was so funny. I was just lazy. That's why it's I don't know what to do. I'm just really bad at following through with making my living arrangements. It's actually funny because he would play shooters with like a foot of mouse space, maybe less and nowhere to put your legs and I was just like a foot of mouse space, maybe less. A fucking tarot card.

And nowhere to put your legs. And I was just like, dude, you could like probably improve if you change this. Dude, they would like, this is their introduction to me when I moved in with them during COVID. It's like Anthony would walk downstairs in his underwear or something. Because I felt like you wore less clothes back then. And then I would be on my little Ikea shelf, like up like this, and I'd be playing like Studio.

It's exactly like that. I'd be playing Agency or like CSGO. Which is also fucking crazy. We found that out that you play, you do not play the maps in the competitive pool. You play Agency. With my binds, with my chat binds set to every key on my keyboard. They, like, don't know me very well yet.

But this is, like... Well, we should explain the chat binds. You're a psychopath. Yeah. Amen is one of the most nice people that you'll ever meet and you'll have great encounters with. But when he games, he is devoid of all joy. He is a toxic piece of shit. You're insane.

So we played CSGO a lot back when we met aiden and we're like oh you play too that's great let's get in the game let's play some game yeah this is my main social interactions with you guys before moving in with you were playing csgo in that 10-man server so in the in the summer before i moved in with you like we had met we all met each other at like events here and there um or spoken at events but more briefly but how i got to know or like hung out with them over a more extended period of time was like hanging out in those csgo games which was like the summer before i moved in i think dude so we get in the game first time with aiden and we're like matchmaking i think or maybe it was a 10 minute it doesn't matter no we were matchmaking

so we're matchmaking and he fucking so we start playing the game and all of a sudden we just see the wheelchair emoji start to get spammed in the in the all chat because in CSGO you can bind two inputs together so like let's say you move forward you can bind that to say something you can bind w to say something in the chat but also still remain your movement key. Yeah. And so Aiden and his friends had this like meta where they would bind essential buttons, for instance, mouse one, the fire button, or like the four directional buttons or crouch,

and they would bind it to say things in all chat. Amongst these phrases were, wait, who's down for noodle slam? Who's down for the noodle slam? The wheelchair emoji. Oh, baby, only $3.50 a gallon. And then three gasoline emojis. And then my favorite, I believe the crouch line, hold on, lads, got to crack a few.

And so you have to understand the amount of inputs that are happening is a lot. So the chat just starts filling up and we're like hey uh aiden hey we're like what the fuck is this aiden love your chic what the fuck man why are you doing that in chat this is so funny because i've been playing csgo for like years before this and the people that i play csgo with the most uh they all also do this so because of this when every key when every important key from every member in your party is bound to a copy past it's the chat isn't readable anymore and the little ticks when the chat goes off they're just white noise you don't even read the chat anymore so i've been playing with them like this for over a year and i booted to my first game with other people which is them and then i i don't know

their aunt because i've forgotten like i forget disabled or anything on his end he just literally tunes them out no no no no you have chat off no no no i just told me that that's crazy you told me that when i asked you about it no he was i bet he was covering yeah that's crazy i remember getting in the first game and my mouse one at the time was set to wow we are really in the sauce so a pistol round you you can't hold down the the mouse button so you have to click and if you're t-side there's 20 rounds like wow wow wow we're really in the sauce and so i was like amen what the fuck is this and you were like oh shit sorry hold on let me turn that off and i have to go i have to go through the console in cs and like manually unbind every single key that is way easier than explaining explaining that live in a game would have been like the first week that Aiden moved in with us, I come downstairs.

No one's home besides me and him. And I see him in the living room and he's playing Mario Kart alone. And I was like, that's kind of weird, but whatever. I don't know. He likes Mario Kart. But he's getting really mad. And he's just like, fuck. Oh, shit, dude.

He's getting really mad. And I'm looking at him and I'm like,, is he just raging at computers and Mario Kart? I was a little worried. I'm like, oh, man, this guy's going to be weird to live with. And so I go over, and I'm like, what's going on, bud? And he's like, I'm just playing Mario Kart online. And I was like, what? Mario Kart Wii.

And then I learned that he's part of the Mario Kart Wii community. And I was like, oh, okay, that's actually kind of cool. But at the time, I just literally thought that he was just raging at computers. I always thought Eamon was a psychopath because he moved in and he didn't have a bed frame. And he was like on this huge kick where he's like, yeah, no, no, it's yeah, it's like better. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

He wasn't that kick. I remember the first nice thing that me and Ludwig ever did for Aiden was we built a bed frame for him. Oh, yeah. I thought you guys were so sweet. We were very sweet. That took so long. I gave you a big hug. You did give us a hug. Yeah. Because it was a heavy, complicated bed frame for him oh yeah i thought you guys were so sweet we were very so long i gave you a big hug you did give us a hug yeah because it was a heavy complicated bed frame i feel like it had a lot of pieces that's so fucking so cute dude amen you were we really

are the same because people will chastise you for being stupid and you'll be like no no i'm gonna defend this i only bought i only bought the bed frame because you guys kept mercilessly making fun of it i eventually caved because you did. You posted that one video. That's what it was. I'm going to retweet it right now. That was the. What was the video?

That was the thing that pushed me over the edge. It was the video where he comes into my room and I have my shitty. It's not even a mattress. It's that, you know, that three pullout cushion thing that we have. I was sleeping on that still there's a deflated air mattress like crunched up next to the bed and then snorlax on the floor it was and he comes in and like films a fake cribs video and then i get roasted do you still have your phone case on your phone uh the it ripped off i think the book the book yeah book

book you have your phone on you book book i don't have it with me that is the that is the thing we roasted amen for the he bought a phone case it's his phone looks like a book and it's huge it's just a big ass phone case that is looks like a book and then on the side it just says book twice yeah so it just says book like the people who made it were like so what do we do what do we write on it i need something i didn't know this part when i bought it and so he bought this book book phone case you still use it he also has he also has a split keyboard so he uses both his hands separately to type and all these things combined i was like did we move in with a

fucking weirdo we did the answer is yes yeah let's be very clear you guys like firm yes you guys like me now yeah i can't all right i can't find it i'll look for it later but what i can find is the uh is when aiden lost the money match at friends giving when i beat him when you beat him uh i like this story i think i think it should be told yeah just just what we have a tell them the system that we have uh ludwig well like a lot of people will ask us who's the best at Smash, and especially now because Smash is so hot with Summit. And it's hard to answer because we don't play each other a lot in events. And so we did something called a pride match

where whoever won would be considered the best for six months and then you could rematch at that point actually there was also 50 on it there was there also was 50 on it but it was funny how little that mattered there was also a stipulation to the bet where if someone asks you who is better at melee you had to tell them the other person was better and you were not allowed to explain that there was a bet. For six months. Yeah, which is for anyone out there who is a gamer, who is competitive, it just ruins it. Yeah, and like if you, like you literally can't, you are

bound by like. You have to literally go yeah, Ludwig's better. And I thrashed Eamon. And then this emoji. I thrashed Eamon. I was better than you for six months. He naref'd you to win. It was sick and then I also beat slime So you also refused to play a best of five I have never ever lost these matches I've never been worse than you two but for periods of your life you two have been worse than me

So I'm at the very least the second best I do I do like I also my favorite bit is just like when Aiden's like well the six months are over So I'm better now. I'm like well last time we did the rankings love it was better and lovewig doesn't go to tournaments anymore yeah honestly it's hard to tell i'm retired now yeah i will say melee cut off also at the heels of like you know one of the sickest tournaments of all time it is it is extremely like prideful game oh yeah you're it's a direct extension of you and like the things you want to be and yeah you can you can speak volumes through how you play it ludwig is like he's good right he not good at the game but he's like ludwig's no what i'm saying is ludwig's like good like he's set to go right he has like he's got money he's got hoes he's got views he's got crypto

you know what i mean he he has she's downstairs man he has so many things that so many people would want, and he's like this elevated status of a human being, but he will still get pissed off losing in Melee. Yeah, it's where he returns to his true form. I haven't lost in a while. There's something beautiful about that. You lost to SFAT hours ago.

No, I beat SFAT. In your asterisk match. Yeah, so I beat him. Where he had one stock. Why'd you bring it up as if I lost? I beat him. I beat his ass. You beat Zayn, too. I whooped him. Hey, I'm on his side. He beats in I did beat in as well I did lose to tough though, dude. This is gonna sound like a self brag I don't mean it to me, but Moki came up to me at smash summit and I literally did not remember this

But he comes up to me and he goes hey, do you remember that one time? He's literally leaving I'm not gonna see him again I didn't talk to him the entire event come up to me He goes do you remember that one time that we played each leaving. I'm not going to see him again. I didn't talk to him the entire event. Comes up to me and he goes, do you remember that one time that we played each other at the Mango? And it was a setup with me, you, and my Ks. And me and you were just having like really close competitive matches.

And then I would just fuck my Ks up. And I started laughing. I'm like, no, I don't remember this. And he goes, it was really funny. Oh my God, I love Boney so much. And I was like, thank you for telling me that that is awesome that kid's i love bokeh he's so fucking cool he's a sweetheart yeah well something i wanted to bring up last podcast we didn't get to because we because we were just so juicy and hot and we're juicy and hot now but i want to bring this up so here's here's something that i i want to do when i was uh 21 or so uh i on my lunch break from work went

to the local grocery store and i stole i shoplifted a toothbrush okay i needed electric no just like a normal like a pack of toothbrushes i needed one and for some reason And for some reason, I wasn't struggling or anything like that. I was just like, I don't want to pay for this. It's stupid. Yeah. I don't steal shit anymore. I'm like, that's 10 years ago. I'm a normal person.

But at that time, I was like, I don't want to pay for this. I'm going to steal it now. I put the toothbrush pack in my pocket and I walk out of the store. I walk out. This guy stops me. My car is right there and he like walks in front of me he's like hey uh hey we can either do this the uh the easy way or the hard way and he has fucking handcuffs oh shit i'm like what he's like you stole something come with

me he's not a cop he's like the like the store rent-a-cop yeah yeah because i could i could have just like told him to go fuck himself. No, you can't. They can't do anything. I worked at Best Buy. They get mad at you if you stop the guy. Yeah, you wouldn't let him go. So it was crazy that he brandished handcuffs at me.

Yeah. And I folded. And I was like, okay. And he fucking, I walk back into the store and he brings me into this little office. And he's like, yeah, so here's you doing it. And he's literally looking at me on camera. you doing it. It's literally me on camera. He like saw me do it. I saw myself in my work uniform.

And I'm like, oh, shit. And I thought it was kind of funny because I'm like, oh, this is really, really stupid. It's also just a toothbrush. Yeah. But he's like, all right, so here's how this works. You can call this number. And if you pay this big fine and it won't like, we won't press charges on you and you won't like get it on your like record.

And, uh, I'm like, okay, I guess I'll just do that. And he's like, okay. And hold on. And he fucking takes a fucking Polaroid picture of me and he, he prints it out. And then I look and there's a whole wall of shoplifters that aren't allowed to go in and he puts it on the wall. And he says, all right, get out of here. And so I did.

I called the number. I paid like, I think it was $400 or something. And I was like, fuck, this sucks. $400, better be a nice toothbrush. Yeah, that's insane. It's one of those tooth tunes ones. He didn't even get to give it. I've stolen so much.

It's got tass on it. I've luckily never been caught, but I've stolen a lot. tass on it i have luckily never been caught but i've stolen a lot so so i yeah the thing is i want to go back to that grocery store i want to fly back no not today no i mean like in this day like yes yeah i want to fly back and try it again there's no oh still again you want to i want to steal yeah i want to steal another toothbrush and get away with it. It's the same guy. And? He walks in. I've been fucking waiting for you. It's like his son. He trained him to memorize all the pictures.

He's got the same handcuffs. They're rusty now, and he's like spitting them in a circle. God, wait for me. So that reminds me. I think you had a shoplifting phase. Yeah. I unfortunately had a shoplifting phase. You. I unfortunately had a shoplifting phase. You did?

I did too. What was yours? What the fuck? It's unfortunate. Unfortunately, I don't know which story to tell. It's that many. What's your worst? What's your biggest haul?

I'm going to tell a funny one. Yeah. So back when I was in my first serious relationship, we started becoming sexually active. Allegedly. Allegedly. It was a very- One of three. He did it one of three okay well more than number one two or three more than three relationships not that many to go through though anyway probably number two whoo so uh anyway uh so you know we're becoming sexually active first time in my life i'm very

nervous uh i'm too afraid to like talk to my parents about it anything like that, but I needed to buy protection mmm Candom and I I said a day. I'm like I'm gonna go I'm gonna go to 7-eleven I'm gonna go by and I'm gonna do it, but I went and I was too scared Really and so I go and I'm like well. I'll just steal them. How old are you um? Oh, man, you're I? 16 okay, yeah, 16 16 maybe? 15, 16. No, 16, not 15. And then she blew him and he got gonorrhea.

No, that was you. You're still that guy. So I go and I'm like, all right, I will steal them because I'm too embarrassed to fucking do it. I don't know why. I just couldn't do it. Nice. So I go and I was wearing a fucking trench coat. What?

Purposely for the facts? I had like this honestly kind of sick but i also makes me sound like like mac from it's always sunny with the duster exactly what it makes me kind of sound like a 4chan user but i had like a it's kind of like that naked yeah fucking no shirt it was duster on it was like this like casper the grass the condoms. Naruto runs out. All right. Well, I had this super lame tweed trench coat. Tweed.

Yeah. It wasn't like, I don't know. Leather. So I go in and I'm wearing it. And I look like I have two people who are stacked in me. And I go and I'm looking through the aisles. I'm constantly looking back at the guy behind the counter. And I'm like grabbing some. I got some Sour Patch Kids.

And then I walk a little further. I get like a soda. And then I just grab the condoms and I put them in the shirt pocket. And then I walk up and I put all the candy that I purchased on the desk. And I'm like, you know, I got to buy something if I'm going to walk around. And the guy doesn't even look at what I put down. He just looks at me. And he goes, leave and do not come back.

And I'm like, why? And I won't admit it. I'm being stubborn. I won't admit it. And he goes, I saw what you did. And I'm like, I didn't do anything. No, your parents know that you're gay. And he's like, do not come back.

And I'm like, you're being weird, man. And then I put the money on the table for the candy. And I'm like, you're being weird. I just leave. And he didn't stop me from stealing the condoms. But he just was really stern. So weird because if he saw what happened, he could also just charge you for the condoms. That's actually so funny.

He's like, okay like okay yeah that candy bar is like 17 with everything so yeah but i think uh to answer your question which was like my biggest haul yeah uh i used to steal art supplies all the time when i wasn't when i was in school and i was doing a lot of drawing i was doing a lot of painting uh dude paint brushes are so expensive they're very expensive it's you can get like a single paintbrush and it'll cost you like 60 dollars it's because they have to kill a whole horse to get it yeah one horse and i only use ones that have all right you kill horses for it which is like the good you know yeah yeah so i would go to michael's all the time literally weekly and i would go and it was so easy like it was so easy to steal from michaels and i would just take like 10 paint

brushes and just go home and i would do it all the time and then my ex-girlfriend one time found out i was doing this and i was thinking about like all my hauls i was telling her like like how much damage i had done like a grand theft auto yeah and she was like really bothered by that and she was like i want you to never ever do that again and i was like really and like i had never had i never had a friend keep me accountable for something before so it was kind of embarrassing and uh it hit me so hard that i just never ever stole again really yeah dude nick's got these like fucking like personal quirks and it's like he doesn't eat fast food yeah he fucking can i tell that story i don't want to be the story fucking guy but kind of because there is a reason yeah i was in high school and you know when you're in high school every every uh junk food hits

different like if the teacher's like all right whoever gets this right gets this tiny snickers bar yeah it's like bro i want that snickers i mean they do pizza parties for like free labor and you get like one slice and it's like bro this pizza tastes so much better yeah i don't know what it's a party incoming amen so uh so uh my friday my buddy my buddy daniel in high school his uh he was the only person the first person of all of us to get our license and at my school you were allowed to leave for lunch if you had your license and get food so he goes out and gets uh Carl's Jr. and comes back and he's sharing he's like you know he's like uh at the table at the last supper and he's like all the boys are around him like taking fries and uh I'm eating a fry and I'm like damn dude fries I was like saying this

I'm like fries just hit different in the school and he was just like yeah man like I fucking love fast food he said something like that it's kind, like I fucking love fast food. He said something like that. It's kind of like a movie. That's what Shake literally said, by the way. Yeah. Shake literally likes fast food and it's gross. Yeah. So, okay.

And I was just like, he said something along the lines of like, I don't think I could ever not eat these like, like, like type of food. And I was like, I could, I could quit if I wanted to. And he was like, no, you couldn't. And I'm like, it's like, it's like could. And he's like, you literally couldn't. He was like really serious about it. He's like no you couldn't and i'm like it's like it's like could and he's like you literally couldn't he was like really serious about it he's like you could never quit this and i said bet and then from that day in junior year of high school i just stopped eating it that is so and i have and i have certain places that i have added it's like okay zones like in and out

and like chipotle uh because i dated a girl who worked at in and out and it was just inconvenient for my life and then chipotle i'm just like it's not that bad yeah but you do never eat it you never eat a mcdonald's burger no no i haven't had mcdonald's like jack at In-N-Out and it was just inconvenient for my life. And then Chipotle, I'm just like, it's not that bad. Yeah, but you do never eat it. You never eat a McDonald's burger. No, no, no. I haven't had McDonald's, like Jack in the Box, like more traditional fast food places since high school. They've increased the MSG quantity. It's great these days. It's like a salt pancake.

Yeah, which sounds great. But after a while, you actually don't want it. Sure. Like it makes, it kind of makes me grossed out. But not to like put myself on a high horse. I just. Well, you are. That's the thing, dude. the thing dude when you say you don't have my mass you'll never have my mass small boy that's true look at these thighs you've got some dude i'll say right watch out

uh oh she might bite i was talking about your thighs today with dan because i was saying how i kind of want to go join a rec soccer league and I was thinking about which of my friends would do that with me and I was like who plays soccer and I was like well I'll be able to play soccer and I was like I could never ever get him to leave the house but then I also said Aiden I would do a rec soccer league I just thought you'd be more interested in doing basketball I would do a rec soccer league

would you join one with me? you like the idea that you would I'm in I'm locked I'm locked no shot count me locked you Count me locked. You guys want to make a team? You know me. Dude, let's get a team of fucking smashers and people. I sink it top right.

Dude, literally. You think you've got upper Vs? Literally. I've got upper Vs, bro. Russ comes through and they're like, hey, we want to do another drop. And you look at Nick and you're like, ah. Hey, Ludwig, first game's this Thursday at 7 p.m. Oh, that's when I stream.

We should do indoor. We should do indoor. I would get it done, boys. All right? I'm down. I'm actually super down. I need fitness in my life. Fitness dick.

The 15-year-olds in Fortnite are cringing at that. No, they are on my side. They don't think that's cool anymore. Can we really quickly, can we lean forward and do the meme where the four guys are on the four? Kids are on the couch. Yeah, it's like we do really quick so someone can make one. Okay, so it's like they're all like this I read it go crazy. We're talking about the one where it's like four kids on a couch, and it's like is your fortnight I think I do I do love that one kids. It might be two kids You know too much about the kids. Yeah a little buddy. No good of a memory about these kids

I know why do you know the kids so well of the kids? Yeah, you looking at those kids look at the kids too much I'm a kid keep track of her What you want it's crazy that he's my boss You wanna be weird with each other after work? All right, man. You can talk to HR about that. See you later. I'm HR. You look good.

You know what I'm really excited about? What? The Nickelodeon fighter. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I haven't talked about it much on stream, but it's going to be hype. I think this is going to be the greatest thing and the worst thing for our friendships ever. Really?

It's a chance for new beef without the history of melee sure like like none of our like melee experience really factors in it's just a new fighter you know what no because this happened with slap city who are the people developing uh this game so it's gonna feel probably similar to slap city but i remember there it is by the way there's some characters it looks great it looks so dope who the hell is the dude in the top the toast guy? White hair? Yeah, I don't know. That's like a new head. That's a new head. I don't know. Oh, okay. And I don't know the fucking

cinnamon toast man. The toast, I think, is an old head. He looks like a cereal thing. I don't know. But, so, dude, when we played Slap City, Nick found the cheapest fucking character and just ran the setup. I was like, it'll do. I don't want to do this. I was the Ken of it'll do. I don't look forward to this.

I'm not looking forward to this. Yeah. Well, that's how it'll be. I'll be into it. I was an Ittle Dew. I don't want to do this. I was the Ken of Ittle Dew. I don't look forward to this. I'm not looking forward to this. Yeah, well, that's how it'll be. I'll be into it. I think it'll be really good for streams. I'm going to call Mance. You are going to be a Danny Phantom. You are going to be a... You're going to think you're a Danny Phantom,

but you're actually a Nigel Thornberry. You will play a combination of Patrick and Invader Zim. I have a nasty Tommy Pickles. Oh, you might be a Tommy Pickles. I will be playing Invader Zim. Okay, you're wrong. I would want to be Patrick because I feel like we have lived similar lifestyles. Similar haircuts.

But if... If Tommy Pickles' dad's stew is in the game, I would probably make him. I'm Danny Phantom. You're not Danny Phantom. I'm cool and hot like Danny Phantom. Danny Phantom is the fucking sheik of this game. Danny Phantom is 14. Cool and hot. Well he's, I mean they draw him nice. They did draw him. Butch Hartman definitely drew him nice.

Butch Hartman thinks he's hot. Danny Phantom was definitely a cartoon crush. Do you think Butch Hartman has jerked off to any of his characters that he's created? Yeah. Yeah. Wait, you think the official drawings of jerked off to any of his characters that he's created? Yeah. Yeah. Wait, you think the official drawings of them or like Rule 34 of his characters? No, just like the idea. Like he's dreamed these characters up, right? I think he's drawn surely some Rule 34 himself. I think they started from Wet Dreams. I think that's how he ideated them.

I want to fuck a ghost man. And then he went down the rabbit hole. Dude, I bet it's like fucking Hard candy where there's a safe underneath his home Yeah, there's fucking just like drawings Cosmo and Wanda He knows the code they're like his sesh sex wish dragon I don't trust that guy. Yeah, you should it people hate him People hate butch Hartman these days.

This is actually, dude, I bet he like. He steals people's art? He's part of the IP, right? So if we get on his bad side, we can't commentate this tournament. We should be chill with Butch. Butch Hartman, you're our guy. Well, unless. After everything we've said, I feel like he's not our guy.

Yeah. No, he'll probably just see that part. He'll probably just see us and share the art. Nice. yeah no he'll probably just see that part he'll probably just see us and share the art i do think like every show creator has that has like some sort of anecdote about how they came up with it like usually some like really like cool or like sweet sort of story yeah and then uh but there's got to be like darker versions of all these like i i don't want to know the the dan harman logs oh yeah dan harman is a troubled man like if i made a cartoon show it'd probably Like I don't want to know The Dan Harmon logs Oh god

Dan Harmon is a troubled man If I made a cartoon show It'd probably have to do with Fucking dripping out of my Wearing a diaper It would be like a walking gonorrhea dick That just leaks everywhere and he's made fun of it for it What's up leaky

What's up leaky face Dude I literally Where all the adults wear diapers paper towel I know I keep bringing it up but it was traumatic

almost I had to put paper towels in my pants to catch the like it was a front diaper yeah

and I told Dan about it which is Nick's boss and he was like oh my god I'm so sorry you have to wear a diaper

alright man was a little less chipper that week all right man did not shout as loud as hard hey diaper fact more diapers are sold in japan for adults than for babies that's not true it's true i believe that what yeah they sell more adult diapers because they're declining their population so low in birth rate and people live so long oh it's not a sex thing it's just old people wait what did you think oh you thought like everyone jumped to that conclusion

but like i would i when you say adult diapers i thought of like a healthy adults wearing diapers as a as for sexual gratification yeah and that's what i thought and that was your first thought that's a weird first thought man my first thought it's got to be a decent slice of the pie chart that's what i'm saying people had their first thought as that though japan does have some you know weird weird very prevalent i feel like trans related to sex like that oh that's why i jumped right to it so you know diapers no it's grannies and grammys old grand grandpas and grandmas grandpas and grandmas Does that mean they shit in diapers more than they shit in toilets? No.

I think they're. I don't know. I don't think that's what it means at all. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what it means. I'm just. Look, I'm just the ideas guy.

When I was in the third grade, my mom was in like the PT at my school and there was this other kid. I'm going to say his name is Jake for the sake of this story. And he was he was known to be like, you know, when you're like younger, you're in third grade level when people are lame. It's like you're kind of like mean to those people. It's sake of this story. He was known to be when you're younger, you're in third grade level, when people are lame, it's like you're kind of mean to those people. It's kind of fucked up. I was actually always nice to him. But he got bullied quite a lot.

At one point, my mother recognized this. His mother was also on the PTA. She assembled a play date with us to hang out. I was like, Mom, you narc. I'm doing my part. I am nice to him at school. I do not want to go us to hang out. And I was like, mom, you narc. Like, I'm doing my part. I am nice to him at school.

I do not want to go over to his house. And she's like, you're doing this. Like, you got to do it once. It's fine. He needs friends. And I was like, fine. So I go. And he's got all these interests that are, like, kind of weird, but, like, nothing super. He's, like, obsessed with watching, like, documentaries on sharks.

And he, like, wants to sit with me and watch a documentary with about a shark for like an hour And I'm like okay. This is fine. We'll watch this blah blah He's showing me like his collections of game and stuff He's like he's like what I'm gonna pull you in the pool, and I'm like I don't want to swim He's like we're good. Let's go in the pool. I'm like I don't want to go so I watch him swim for like an hour And it's like this whole day. I'm just like fuck dude, and then we go and then we go inside I'm like I'm like he always all his bathing suits have the weird net inside, and I'm like I don't want to wear that It's also like I'm bigger than him and then I'm like, all his bathing suits have the weird net inside. And I'm like, I don't want to wear that.

It's also like I'm bigger than him. And then I'm going to his room. He's like, wait here. I want to show you something. And then he leaves the room. And then I'm like sitting there. And I'm like, am I going to die? Like, what is he going to come back?

I don't know. I'm not kidding. I'm not exaggerating this. He kicks the door in. He comes back. He kicks the door down. He jumps into the room. All he is wearing is a

diaper and he goes i'm diaper boy and i'm captain underpants and i'm like this i go what you didn't laugh and he oh i was i was i was weirded out and And he goes, yeah, I wear diapers every day. He's so sick. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's cool. I won't tell anyone. This is a chat. And then I go home and I remember the one shining thing about that whole experience was he had this really sick book of cheat codes that he got from the school book fair. And I was just like

reading it like literally reading it because i was like i don't know what to do here and and i was just like i'm like i'm like while i was leaving i'm like okay i set the book down like my mom's here i gotta go and and he's like you can keep the cheat code book if you want it i don't use it and i was like okay and i went home and i made spider-Man's head really big. Don't forget about it at all. Dude, and that kid grew up to be Louis C.K. Oh, my. But that's what it sounds like. It's like you're like reading cheat codes, just trying to focus. He's like, Nick, look at my diaper now.

This wouldn't be a story if he just told me in secret. He wanted to confess this to me and he trusted me. I would just be like, yeah, whatever. I would just never tell this story. But he came in like a cartoon and was like, look at me. Look at what I look like. In fifth grade, it was found out that one of the boys wore diapers. And he had worn it for five years straight because he never knew.

Because he couldn't control his bowels. I don't know. You and the boys got together, killed him. Well, we discussed that. In fifth grade. up with a bit of a lord of the flies situation in new hampshire the school called him like uh like diapy boy for a bit oh but he owned it because he reversed he put the diaper over yo his clothes absolute king no yeah for real yeah wait does that just mean he was no no no like i think just to like

show off the diaper you had to wear two diapers every day he's wearing two i actually don't know if you wore two i never asked that kid is such a it was one day it was not like the rest of his life he wore the diaper over it was like one day he wore the diaper over respect dude there's like a pepsi ad campaign with that guy. It's like, be yourself and be who you are. Where Kylie Jenner's at the picket line and she's shitting her pants. The commercial where everyone takes off their pants and shows diapers and they just have shit stains on them. Put their fist up.

This was for you. Pepsi. Celebrities everywhere. I cannot believe that Pepsi commercial went through that is cool if you want to talk about a commercial I shouldn't go through real quick we can end on this one we can talk about the CLG

commercial to wrap us up this is so funny to explain the context of this for those who haven't seen it it's a video of the clg team room which is an esports organization yeah counter logic gaming their league of legends team has just lost and it's a it's a very personal view into the conversation

with the team and the general manager of the team a person we're friends with taffikins uh because he he started in melee and uh and uh like there's another guy in the room or whatever and all these teams like shoot uh behind the scenes content in general there's a lot of like storylines but normally normally it's like they just lost and it's like the conversations the team has about like improvement and like what they got to change about like what they could have done or like a situation in the game you shoot more knives knives. And Taffikins is like reprimanding the team in the room. It was harrowing. He was like firing people.

Hey, I'm really disappointed here. Like this is, we cannot go on like this. Their performance this season has been really bad. They haven't been good in a while. And yeah, here's the video. He said something to the effect of basically. I am looking at roster swaps. It's been all over two months.

Dude, look at that. We're not really progressing. So there's very likely going to be changes this week. I'm exploring options. Yeah, he says there's very likely going to be changes implying that the people who are currently on the roster are going to get kicked off. And that's the Bud Light cool down.

The Bud Light cool down. It's literally the Bud Light cool down. So, okay, here's what I think happened. So this got blown up on Twitter, right? And people were like, this is fucking stupid and insensitive and dumb. Because it was literally firing someone and then going, brought to you by Bud Light.

Their career is on the line, right? For all the luck and the fun of the life of being a professional gamer, if you're going to be at the top level of league, even in NA, you're playing like 12 hours,

10 to 12 hours a day. In a second, you aren't good. You would not have a job. Yeah, and if you're not on the team or you play on an academy team, you're no longer making a lot of money. You better start streaming. It's not good.

I think it's so fucked up that they were making money off of that conversation. So here's the thing. So it was the big cringe. The biggest cringe point to this was it was a Bud Light cool down segment. Yeah. And so what I think happened is what happens in these situations is that you sign with like, let's say Bud Light and they say, we need X amount of deliverables for this quarter or this year. Right. And they're like, oh shit, we, uh, we didn't meet our quota for like Bud Light and they say we need X amount of deliverables for this quarter or this year right

and they're like oh shit we didn't meet our quota for like Bud Light activations we need to put something together and someone at CLG was like here's what we'll do this had to have gone through a couple people anyway Slime's Leaky Dick brought to you by Bud Light make sure to drink

up I've been sober for years me and that girl had sex completely sober and I still got gonorrhea by Bud Light, make sure to drink up. I've been sober for years. Me and that girl had sex completely sober and I still got gonorrhea. Cool down your gonorrhea with some Bud Light. It's like the Bud Light

cool down moment. It's like a voyeuristic shot of Anthony in the bathroom and he's just hunched over the sink and he's like... If you drink enough Bud Lights, you will no longer feel the fire in your penis.

It sucks so bad. Thank God for medicine. Diaper branded Bud Light. You're trying to put everything back in. Danny Phantom wearing a diaper with Donna Rida drinking a Bud Light getting fired. And that's the Yard Podcast. That is it. That is it. We got a sponsor hopefully uh they come back next week i don't know if they'll love this episode they

may get a message and they're just like guys what the fuck every episode gets worse no it'd be like we loved it we loved it we loved it so we have to talk about the gonorrhea section let's talk about the blue guy in the shirt we love the blue color it was great for us the rest of what he said though we want an std free podcast we reply we want that too to be clear we don't want that either but uh we got one now and hopefully to come back next week and make sure our sweet listeners to download the pot don Don't even have to listen. Smash the download button. So we can beat things like Ben Shapiro's podcast. Uh, I don't know.

Joe button, uh, normies. Let's beat the normies. Yeah. I think we're close. I think we're close to beating Ben. My goal,

my longterm goal with this podcast is to climb the rankings above. Call her daddy at least one time. And let's get there. We can get there. My goal is to be one above ben shapiro and then title an episode taller than this guy with bro dude i will change the name of the fucking whole podcast if we get right up this guy arrow down okay that'd be the dream we'll get there with you guys all right thanks for watching the pod uh and see everyone next week bye