The Yard - Ep. 35 - Ludwig got betrayed by Hasan and Sykkuno

Episode Date: March 9, 2022

Smell that? It's the sweet smell of The Yard! This week Ludwig and Aiden went to a gay club, Slime makes a bold claim about Riot Games, and Nick asks a pressing question: Is Dr. Mario really a doctor?

Who the fuck says Aiden speaking? Yeah, Aiden just answered the phone just now and he goes, Hello, Aiden speaking. Like he's my grandfather. My mom answers like that. She goes, Which means, hello, this is's speaking. Like he's my grandfather. My mom answers like that. She goes, which means, hello, this is Paloma. That's different, though.

Also, that's your mom. She's so old. This is our young friend. My mom is as old as Aiden. Is that true, Aiden? Aiden, can you confirm? Oh, I'm sorry. Are you busy?

It's close. Are you busy? I didn't realize we had started. Are you busy? I'm not busy. you busy? I didn't realize we had started. Are you busy? I'm not busy. I just didn't know that we had started. I mean, we're always recording. Ignore him.

He's grumpy. He's silver. I'm not grumpy. Dude, hold on. That's not why I'm grumpy. You know what I hate? He just said that. This is not your fault, by the way.

But you just said we're always recording with some buffer time. And then I said that last week, and I got roasted's different at the beginning pull the clip pull the clip side by side oh that's me fucking assholes it's different at the beginning obviously because you don't you can just cut it where it starts yeah that's what i mean this was at the start last time and i was like i just like went into it because i just wanted to talk and like get warmed up and then nick was like oh we started and i was like well we just go at the beginning hold on and then and then i was shamed for that take here's the thing aiden i was trying to defend him here because he was pretty much right the entire time in this interaction however we record advice

together on the patreon uh if you don't know we have a patreon we do episodes and uh he always just sits down and i hand in the mic and he goes, all right, question one. And I'm like, bro, I haven't turned the device on. You know I got to hit the circle on the Zoom. He's done it like three weeks. I haven't done that one time. Wait, are you trolling? Wait, where I say question one, where I just hop into it? You just start.

Yeah, you just start hopping into it. Oh, yeah, I do that. What is he talking about? No, hold on, hold on, hold on. Dude, okay. What was the confusion from when I said it and then you repeated it? Oh, I've never gone straight to the question. We always do some stuff at the intro.

You always do a little band? He was doing his intro stuff, not the question stuff. Yeah, it's funny because this is all easily checked. I want you to know that this doesn't change the problem he's describing at all. It's simply a matter of principle of like, I've never gone like, all right, it's not true he's lying but i'm not gonna argue i can't show you every episode has an introduction archie pulled the clip archie k archie doesn't have that archie doesn't have the clip yeah that's what i'm saying archie it's if we say zipper pull it up we need it solved now if we say archie pull it up it goes to arbitrationration. And then he has to solve it. He has to go to the DMV first.

I'll give him this. I have started talking without us recording. Yeah? Yeah. That's crazy, bro. Everyone, welcome back to the yard where we do a podcast and we always tell the truth to our friends starring Aiden and us. What are you guys going to talk about?

I don't know. That's another thing Zeke said a bunch when we were hanging out. He was like, put the phone away. Just quoting Aiden. Oh, yeah? From Quincy Boys. I like anytime someone has a phone out. It's fun to hang out with the three of us, Aiden.

I'm looking at the topic channel. No, you're not. It's right there. I wasn't really looking at it. It's right there. Oh, I didn't see you guys write it. Who wrote it? That's insane.

You didn't see him writing it. I did it in front of you. He was doing it the whole time in front of you. You were on the phone. He was calling on the phone. That was before on the phone. That was before that. Dude.

How do you feel about the episode so far? I know you get freaked out when it's not fun. Here's the thing. I'm always on Aiden's side just because he's always the underdog. Okay. But it's hard today. I know. That's what I'm saying.

It's hard. Aiden's speaking. Yeah. All right. Got to the first topic. That's just good phone etiquette. It is aiden yeah my name's aiden uh-huh and i am speaking this is the mckay residence who is this speaking is that what your dad does do you copy your dad when you intro no aiden speaking my mom actually

was the one who got me on me really like my parents were really hard on me as a kid about like phone manners when you answer like the home phone so it's just like an embedded habit i think it's canadian shit aiden speaking well it's also home phone shit yeah because like if it's a home phone you don't know who's picking up right it's important to it so i think it's like a bad it's actually a bad habit now i've realized where if the number if like my number leaks now and somebody just wants to fuck with me that's maybe the worst thing i could pick up yeah yeah wait that's right it is aiden yeah you've got my number from the yard yeah from the internet they can actually call you back i'm actually about to do a podcast that we do uh it's me and my four

friends yeah but i'll i'll leave you i'll leave you my mailing address in case you need to get a hold of me another way i i have to do the exact opposite if i get a call from a random number i answer and i say nothing i'm like silent and i wait i do the same thing i wait the exact same thing get us in and i'm like what do you what do you want from me it also weeds out the robots from the real people because we have people go hello yeah but robots just go ludwig or whatever yeah i've gotten that where they go ludwig and once I thought I could pull off like, this is Jack. Wow. Well,

you thought you could pull off that. You thought you could pull off. This is Jack. Yeah. You're also someone who's done every voice available to your entire vocal register alive. You're also talking about it. You're talking about it.

Like this is a common prank. Like, yeah. Ding dong ditching. This is Jack. All the greats. Yeah. The big,

the big two. They didn't get, this is jacked though so i didn't you know you just open the door the kid's running away you're like this yeah yeah dude i look let's talk about you being depressed you want to are you depressed are you depressed why are you streaming valorant eight hours a day playing 12 hours dude you okay let me open this open this pit up real quick you are the new best valent streamer in the category it's not close i know you're like a you're like a better version of steel i know yeah look guys i know and here's i've taken after my spiritual father artosis who is literally the same as me except he's actually good at the game he plays. And I think that what I've learned is that

when you freak out and get so mad at the game and people watch and wait for that to happen, they also like when you win. You create this bond with them where you're like, because we all want Artosis to fucking slay and stay in S rank for the rest of his life. But it's not going to happen.

Because sometimes, someone's going to do gate proxy and then fucking zealots are going to run up and stab his guys. He's going to go fuck, you know. And but the thing is, what I think is is the truth is that the way I get angry, I'm not capping. I'm just letting it go. Right. I'm just letting it go, right? Like, I'm not. When I get, dude, last night at like 3 a.m., I had a Yoru, literally zero kills. Oh, I saw that.

I was watching. We watched live. He went 0-17. Me and Ludwig stayed up to watch. Isn't that crazy? He got zero kills and died 17 times, and they lost 4-13. And I thought to myself,

because on the last round, it was almost poetic, he was the only one alive and they literally walked in front not trying to kill him and he didn't get the kill with a shotgun so I think he was throwing it was probably a throw but it was a very convincing one like there was a lot of room for doubt anyway

and that shit happens and I'm like I'm not when I get mad I'm not capping I'm just letting it all go. There's no filter. It's fun for just a bit, but then it's like you stay mad, and then you lose the next game, and then it's like an hour and a half of you being mad,

and it's like, oh, okay. It's also funny because as a viewer who is so in tune to the universe, I was watching when Aiden walked into your room. Just really quick to paint this scenario a little bit in more detail. Slime is playing Valorant on stream every day. He is hard stuck silver currently trying to get to plat.

And he wears his shirt on his head. And he just basically tries his goddamn hardest and hopes his teammates are good. I try really hard. He tries really hard. I believe that. And he usually ends up top one, two, sometimes three on the team. And I'm at the Summit studio this weekend. And we're sitting around like a computer

and like five people are watching you play. No way. I'm sitting there with a straw and I'm like, it's like I'm showing someone a TV show that they haven't seen, but I've seen it. And I'm sitting there

and Aiden like opens the door and I go, oh, it's gonna get bad. No way. You saw this live? Yeah, I watched all this live and I'm like, he shouldn't have walked in.

And then like he turned around and I see, you died i'm like yeah it's gonna happen and then and then i i see slime's face turn to like what's about to be like you know it's like in dark souls when like the power like they they telegraph what their big move is gonna be and you're like oh i know this pattern all right yeah aiden you're gonna want to close the door and back up that way you don't get hit by the huge attack you have to dodge roll and uh yeah you just start blowing up on Aiden and then you ban him and I'm in chat and I go hey you missed his other account because I was like you only banned the the one with Asian characters he didn't ban Calvin yeah you're you're Valorant so I was like hey you want to go back and ban the other one you missed it you're saying removed him from

my friends list yeah because I did ban him sorry chat sorry remove from friends list yeah and so i removed it from my friend and then i got banned yeah because you because i thought you had unbanned him no so i unmodded you and then banned i was fucking working doing a meeting and i get out of the meeting and i'm banned in slime chat this is my this is i always i always have it all i started having a lot of fun was fun with this because i was like i'm the one man he can't take down because i was like i'm gonna go downstairs i have four computers in this house that i can unban myself yeah i'm logged in on a lot of computers i went down to ludwig's computer first i unbanned me and then and then i i typed something in chat again.

Fucking instantly banned. He's like, how the fuck did you come back? And then Ludwig had come upstairs to the kitchen. And I was like, Ludwig, Ludwig, Ludwig. It was fun. Can you unban me? Can you unban me again? So you did do it.

You fucking lied to me. On the phone. Oh, that was later. Oh, my God. You lied to me. And then he unmodded and then he unmodded ludwig banned ludwig that's right and i was like the battle's not over and i went over to slime's computer and then i logged into slime's desktop downstairs unbanned ludwig unbanned me and then remodded ludwig i think the only thing I did is maybe unban him once

after the dust settled. But he could have done it himself. Guys, you're one true mod. I will be banning Aiden when I see him in your chat. Dude, here's the thing. How about you... I only got one rider, dude. One.

Who? How about you sack up, pussy? What are you talking about? He did this because I opened the door and he turned around when the score was 11-12, right? So the game is about to be over. You're saying it like it's his fault. I'll say that right now.

No, no. It's what? The door thing? Yeah. I mean, the reason I opened the door was because I've done this before and he doesn't normally look around until I say anything. I can open the door quietly and just peek in where he's at. So that's why I thought it would be fine.

But then he looked right away and then he died. And you came in with the goal of IRL spectating. Yeah. Which I think is fair. You invite it if you are that loud. You are not allowed to be loud enough that we can hear it from other rooms and then be like, he's performing. Here's the thing. What's he going to do?

I think that's a good point. However, I've been being loud for like hours, right? So why is it different now? Why now? Why this fucking moment on B-side? I do think seeing someone overtime and then like coming into a room. I didn't know he was overtime. I hadn't watched the stream in like 30 minutes.

I just heard the loud. I just wanted to see where he was at. It's still your fault, but you're less of an idiot. I wanted to check in on the game, see where things were at, and then I was going to ask where he was at. It's still your fault, but you're less of an idiot. I wanted to check in on the game, see where things were at, and then I was going to ask if he was dead. I'm not that dumb. I would have done that. Like one second, just like, oh, let me take a look. I thought about that.

We all agree he's dumb. You know I do that every time before I go down to Ludwig's room? Every time I'll take a look at the stream to see what he's doing just to make sure. Also, you get to re-watch the moment you heard. That's fun. So you hear him yell, and then you watch you watch it oh that's why i do that when he yells really loud yeah every time i go to love with you i beat off first that's not true because he makes me nervous yeah like i'm gonna fucking suck you dry i mean he's the one wearing sweatpants

right now come left for me are you afraid are you afraid of getting yeah i was getting a little bricked up no i have no underwear i'm big i That's your thing. This is, this is my point. Is that? No, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, okay all right it's not the same wait what happened but it it was is it incriminating i mean i am sitting on my bed i am in my room alone sitting on my bed on my phone and and my anthony walks into my room with a hammer and walks in front of me and says, what are you doing? And I'm just like, what?

Like, I don't know. I'm on my phone. And he takes the hammer and he fucking hits my wall full force. There is a hole in my drywall. What? Dude, what the fuck? We live here. And then he left the room.

So, as far as intrusions go... You are actually absolved of all sin. Yeah, you win. Oh my god. I just wanted to mention that. I can't believe you didn't bring it up earlier. How did you walk in the room on some 80s speaking and not bring that up? This just happened?

I did. This was like a few days ago. This is literally 40 minutes before I get banned from the stream. So he did that, then you walk into his room to see where he's at. Yeah, you're fair. You're fine. Honestly, the only even thing would have been going in with a hammer and smashing his desk as he's playing. Why did you do that?

I hung on to this context until this very moment. Because I thought the idea that I checked in on your Valorant game being the problem. It's like, look, I understand that you lost the game, but you put a hole in my drywall 40 minutes ago. You know I'm the landlord. Like, it's me. I do. That's crazy. Our drywall guy is pretty good.

Yeah, he is. But the paint won't match. No, he's great. Okay. I'm telling you. I mean, he's used to ceilings, but. I. You're the closest thing I have to a crazy relative.

Yeah, you're about 20 years out. So I did do this. I did this, and it was because... Did you just grab the hammer and feel powerful? That's actually kind of it, yeah. I was walking by. I was walking down the hall, and there was a hammer on the little hall thing. And Aiden's door was open, and he was listening to music on his phone.

And I was like... You're just a child. You just see an item, and you see a door, and he was listening to music on his phone. And I was like. You're just a child. You just see an item, and you see a door, and you just keep going. His dream is to beat me in a fight one day. He's just going to get bored, see a hammer, be like. No. But I did grab it, and I was like, hammer. And then I walked into his room, and I was like, Aiden's here. And then I have a hammer, and I'm just standing room and I was like I was like Aiden's here

and then I have a hammer and I'm just standing there and then like a murderer yeah and then I was like did it cross your mind to hit him

no okay no what about his phone and then he just starts fucking did you think about hitting his phone

no and then he just starts fucking like it's ridiculous yeah you guys are crazy for suggesting this shit. I'm not crazy. I just hit his drywall. I'm not crazy.

I just went into his room and destroyed his wall. Yeah. I'm not an animal. Anyway, he starts dying laughing. And then I just dip. Right. And I'm like... It was on some like no one will ever believe you type shit.

It was really funny. Because he had... There was no context. There was no context. There was no build up. It just happened. You know what? I was saying in the car after we watched Batman, slime's funny. Yeah?

You think so? Yeah, slime's funny. He's peaking. What was the moment that you thought? In the car. We were talking about how you were funnier and then you just dropped some shit. I can't even remember what. Yeah.

You just had me chuckling. I was just ripping, bro. I was chuckling the whole ride you know me i mean not you know i'm crazy you've been crazier that's what i'm saying you know what you uh you know what you don't think is funny what batman dude you got dragged and for once you deserved it you earned that one i did the clip is so bad yeah the clip is because I talked about it for 10 minutes on stream really yeah I talked about it for a while and I was like I think it's mid and then I like I talked about like my expectations going in the clip is I haven't watched the clip is like I prefer Marvel comedy and this one doesn't have comedy it was so I remember it's a bad clip what

was the clip that was it it was basically me like saying Batman's mid and then saying like I thought it would be fun like Marvel or but what I was trying to say was that the riddle and the mystery of it all was devoid of any pleasure

of unraveling mysteries in a movie and it was zero fun to track and it was like more of a chore or a boring plot line that they were like not all real you made one better comparison in it and

you were like I was hoping it was would be more like knives out yeah and I think that's even no it's not it's not a whodunit I think that's like more fair than saying

like I wanted to be like both of them are dumb the end of the day it was I still think it's mid I stand to that but it both of them are dumb. I disagree. Both of them are dumb. The end of the day, it was, I still think it's mid. I stand to that, but it doesn't matter because I said that and that's just GG.

So I've been getting lit up. You got psychooned. I've been getting psychooned so hard. I've been getting DM'd. The guy who made the post DM'd me and he said, because I made the video on Mogul Mail. He just gave you content, actually.

He posted the YouTube video, and he said this to me. He said, I'm a Ludbrud, bro. Why do you have to cook me? And I'm like, bro, you cooked me. You cooked him for internet points that will never convert into any material wealth ever. Ever. He cooked me. He's a Ludbrud.

And I knew he was a love bug because it was it was early in stream too it was like first five minutes i had like 5k people yeah that's a hard that's a hard you know this was a clear narc situation and i was like oh because it hits such normie batman viewers i'm gonna do them on tiktok people are just pulling like the clip and being like oh and the thing is i i it's still mid no yeah okay it's still mid. No, yeah. Okay. It's still mid. I defended you in the deep bowels of discords and people talking about it, and I was like, look, genuinely, I think he probably had some more important point, but he just told it

like an idiot, which I can relate to a lot. It was a 10-minute section. That's great. Here's the thing. I think that 10-minute section. That's great. Here's the thing. I think that 10-minute section is also pretty dog shit, though. Yeah? I think context might not matter. When we were coming home, because we saw it together, we went.

You haven't seen it. Have you seen the movie? The 10-minute section. No, I have. I asked you because we're on a podcast where we're trying to explain. Oh, I thought you didn't see it. You saw the whole 10 minutes of me talking about it? Yeah, yeah.

That's crazy. I would never watch 10 minutes of the movie. I watched it with Ryan, and I went, oh, my friends are dumbass, and I put my phone down. But I haven't seen the whole thing. But I think that little island of a clip is like kind of not totally out of context. Your argument still stands. You wish the

unraveling of the mystery was more fun. I just wish it was more I guess fun's a bad word is what I'm recognizing. I just wish I was more interested in it. Satisfying. Satisfying. Fucking English fucking degree. Journalism degree.

You just can't put it together. Oh, yeah. It's fucking four years on Twitch. All I say is pog and weird shit. What'd you think happened to me? Yeah, I know. What'd you think? This is their fault.

That's the problem. This isn't me. But yeah, fair take. I haven't seen Batman. Have you not seen Batman yet in this group? Me. You wanna go see it with me? He's trying to go tonight.

No. I'm going tonight. Whatever, man. Possibly. Ooh. And it sounds like he ain't looking for extra dick in the room. Yeah, he's not. He's not looking to go with a big sausage. I don't know why.

You don't want your big shitty ass. We could have a lot of fun with whoever's going. I'm going with another sausage. Whoa! That's not true. Don't tell me that. Why are you... Damn, you just really... You're tripping all over the place. You're like... It's just banana peels. Don't tell me that. Damn, you're just really tripping all over the place. It's just banana peels. It's your whole life.

It's banana peels. You're Sideshow Bob with a fucking rake. You want to talk about how I'm gayer than him? Yeah, what is that? I saw that, and you wrote, I'm gayer than Aiden. Dude, this shit is so funny. Like it's a tony hawk stat point hold on i i want to i want to tell my perspective like from from the once we get to the club but you can you can yeah go ahead

straight cis white male takes over no you talk about the build-up you talk about the build-up you contextualize it so we were going to a gay bar called the abbey which is uh when i found out not only the gay bar in la but like the gay bar everywhere. It's a bit of like... It's a chain? No, it's like just like a cultural... Everyone knows about it. So it's not the Applebee's of gay bars. It's more like a cultural center point. Although,

it was known to me, it's more now like for show gay rather than where gay people go. Oh, like culture vulture gay. A bit, right? Because it's gotten too big where it's like if you're actually gay you don't go there but then they made a second bar called the chapel at the abbey but anyway for the ultra gay that's like a little in the ultra gay would go to actually like a real deep cut probably no that's a spot on agency that's that's totally different

i keep imagining uh that you guys kept saying the abbey and i'm just imagining uh to reference dark souls again what what's her name in an orlando but it's abigail shapiro and it's uh fucking guinevere and everyone's just going to like like paying tribute paying their respects um so we're going there and and uh and i and i wanted to dress nicely because I usually dress like I am now. Yeah, full spam tracksuit. Yeah. Rainbow Crocs. The spam tracksuit with the Crocs. Yeah, no one.

Taking balls. Yeah, you look like Scooby-Doo ran through a thrift store. Yeah. And I didn't want to do that. I wanted to dress nicely because we were going out to a club and I don't do this often.

So I wore this really this often so I wore like this really tight like mock neck I have and in my pants that have like shiny zippers. It's not a mock neck it's just a turtleneck. No it's a mock neck because it doesn't fold over. I will say I trust his authority on this because he loves turtlenecks. The mock neck is

just like a higher like collar but then the turtleneck is like the fucking full of what for what? Foreskin. Oh it's a foreskin this is beautiful i never picked this up anyway i feel like i just figured out like i can't believe you didn't know that that's crazy it's like you just figured out he's short uh and so i i come downstairs i'm looking nice and i see aiden who's looking like dog shit just dog shit like a homeless he's wearing a black t-shirt with like black pants not like slacks just like regular ass pants how i dress every day and then just like white shoes and that's it and then i'm like bro

you look like shit and he's like no no i don't and and then i think my exact words were like we're going to a club now you You are the one who looks weird right now And then I went on Which I tried his opinion on Because he goes to clubs a lot And he's half gay Well that's what I was thinking I was like you're bi

Everyone's going to think you're straight at the club And he's like no I look gayer than you And I was like no you don't I look way gayer than you Okay And then he says, wait. And he goes upstairs.

He comes downstairs. He changed to a white shirt. And that's it. Yeah. And then he's like, now I'm way gayer. And I'm like, whatever. I'm unquestionably in the right here. He's so confident.

I told him. I'm so afraid. I'm so afraid. I told him he looked like a straight guy trying to guess, dress like what he thinks. gay guy would look like. Like he's going gay for Halloween. It was just an outfit I've worn before. It's not like a brand new.

And he was like, no, no. And then he goes upstairs. He goes upstairs and he comes down. He comes down with a fucking, with a chain. Because of the rainbow flag is a cape he's like who's gay now a thor chain i came down and he's like necklace and he's like this is this is really gay like this is so i was like why would that be gay look like you look like you look less gay like he's like no because thor's like a like a g Greek god or something. What? I didn't say Greek.

No, you didn't. Thor's a gay icon is what I said. We both, on this podcast, we misunderstand two things at large. One, female anatomy. Two, gay culture. But just the three of us here. I think Norse gods are probably gay. Yeah, but that doesn't.

Dude, this is like, this is insane. You're like, oh, yeah. I wouldn't dude this is like this is insane you're like oh yeah this is so this is so bad well okay it's so bad how you're just like oh it's just a lot of hot men it must be gay time okay so well well i you know what and i thought you were right and so i we end up going to this pre-game that was at uh the hundred thieves like house and austin comes up to me and and we're excited to see each other and he introduces me to his boyfriend and we meet and you need this by the way you need austin in this moment you need him to come up and be like you're looking real

gay ludwig well so here's what i do i i like we're talking uh aside like just me and him and i and i like i just bring it up i'm like aiden said that he looks gayer than me and then austin looked at aiden looked at me and he was like no no no oh yeah this is good evidence we We started and then we started asking around and the tally teetered in my favor. Oh, yeah. Because you asked straight people. We're finally at the Abbey. And I this is just like super funny to me because I come back from the bathroom and I like kind of kind of tell a lovely. I'm like, I was learning with a couple of people in there.

Like, how's it? What's your progress? Like, how's your how's your night going yeah yeah check bitch and then Ludwig goes to the bathroom like maybe 10 15 minutes later

actually that was what I said he comes out that's crazy I was like how'd it go? The problem was, dude. He's like, I suck so many dicks in there. I fucking suck three people on the way out. You don't have anything on me.

The problem is, it was so lame to be straight. And I understand you can't look gay. So looking gay was just looking hot, right? Sure. It just means being fashionable and stylish. Yeah, being fashionable and looking good. And I was just saying that. But then when Aiden like, like he like chump checked me.

He's like, oh, but I'm actually bi and I'm going to flirt with men. And I think he extra flirted with men all night just to like, and every time you do it, he was like talking to like these dancers. And they're like wearing nothing but like a thong. And he like, look at me. Yeah. He's like, what's up, bro? I'm like, I'm like, so my girlfriend. I'm like, oh. God damn you. It was just really funny

because up until this point, it's all like words and like being funny, right? But then it came to this point where it's like, well, now I'm actually doing the thing. Yeah.

And you're just like making things up as you go, pretending that you did them along the way. This is just, it's always sunny, dude. You guys are like, yeah, it's crazy.

This is crazy. And I'm Charlie with the hammer. And we kissed three times that night. You and Aiden? Yeah. What were you trying to prove? I think that's all they wanted at the first place.

Yeah? I think we just wanted to kiss and it was a roundabout way of doing it. You guys were hammered, right? Yeah. Yeah. He was actually degenerate. I do think,

I was thinking about this. I had, like, maybe the most degen, like, I do think I was thinking about this. I had like maybe the most D-Gen like stereotypical rap night. Like, you know, you know, the things that like rappers talk about in fucking in fucking music. Like we go to the we go to the club. We touch the strippers. We fucking do the drugs.

Get wasted, dude. Yeah. And we imagining 50 Cent is like this is and i i like looked back on it the next day and i was like this is the closest this is the closest to that i've ever had in an evening yeah i've never put stripper like money in like strippers i think you're shooting too high you had a phase banks night phase banks night you went back to basically the phase i'm not saying that was like i didn't do it it was like cool i was just like i was like You had a FaZe Banks night. You had a FaZe Banks night. You went back to basically the FaZe house. No, I'm not saying that.

It was like, I didn't do it. It was like cool. I was just like, I was like maybe 50% of the time. We talked about crypto for like 30 minutes. Bro, gay people kind of rip. I'm not even going to cap with you right now. I'm not even going to cap. Gay people actually fuck so hard, bro. I'm not gay though.

Not like that. I'm not gay though. Yo, pause. Yo. I do love that like uh there's sort of that those clips where like aiden ross is like talking to rappers and stuff and then he'll make a joke that's like mildly gay and then the guy he's with will be like hey yo oh dude like how you talked about ass in front of me like you talked about touching my ass.

You guys... Quick aside, you probably missed the big drama with Aiden Ross about this. Wait, what? Really? Like, maybe a couple weeks ago, there was another large YouTuber whose name I'm forgetting who made a video about Aiden Ross. He, like, came out of, like, an eight-month retirement to make this video that basically said Aiden Ross is, um, demasculating. He met like as a,

as a group men because of all of his gay jokes and that he, he's, he kept calling him Biden because he's bisexual Aiden. And, uh, and that was like, that was the big thing. It's like,

it's like a roast video, like a reveal video. The argument is that Aiden ross making men makes men weaker with all of his gay jokes in like oh so he's like uh like the guy's like kind of a loser yeah the guy this is like oh yeah he's not alpha you know type let me tell you aiden ross won the beef uh but the video he has the moral the video has like a few hundred thousand views and is like liked more than disliked because like the community it's from I think is like you know tough

macho masculine men yeah I will never put my tongue in any man's asshole ever but I maybe I would do it but I will never do it but I would I do like that a bit so that was it I hate when people like him

get the fucking layup, dude. It is a huge layup. That's crazy because all you have to do is be like, I disagree and everyone's like, whoa.

Yo, you've come a long way, bro. I mean, he was just dunking because it was so easy for him. He was like, dude, he should have made this video like a year ago. I had like 100K viewers now I'm washed.

He was also dunking on himself and I was like, he's fucking doing the eight mile. A owning him yeah dude you know it's funny uh i was it's funny i'm imagining this whole like gay like nuclear arms race between you guys right at the club and i'm imagining cutie just because it's so funny anytime you make a joke around cutie about like having sex with Ludwig or something, like as a man, she gets a little feisty about it. It's really funny.

We were watching Batman, and in the movie, there's two characters that kiss because you guys are fucking freak idiots about spoilers. There's two characters that kiss, and then I was like, that's me and Ludwig. And she kind of looked over. She's like, no, it's not. It's not.'s not you're right so I'm imagining

like Ludwig and Aiden just like fucking keep going for it and she's just like grumpy like what are you kissing my boyfriend for he's my boyfriend

you can't kiss him I also love the visual that I had earlier which is Ludwig like clenching the fist of his like loving relationship that is successful. And then Aiden just touching a stripper and looking at him.

And Ludwig being somehow jealous. I was. And being like, let's go, babe. You're just a gamer at heart. I just want to be gay. One time I was with my old roommate, James, uh, who is a 40 something gay man. First name sweet. He was into gadgets.

Yeah. James was a guy who was into gadgets and gizmos. Uh, he's a lovely, lovely man. And he was my first, like, he's where I lived when I first moved to LA and,

uh, and we'd hang out sometimes. And he, he took me to hamburger Mary's, which is a West Hollywood drag, uh, like brunch place and went with him and a couple of his like his work friends we're all women and um and we go and i'm like this is a place where like gays and women hang out and i'm there and i'm like they're

they're getting bottomless mimosas getting fucking morning hammered and there's like this drag thing going on they serve you food and this uh our waiter is just this extremely handsome gay guy. And he's taking our orders. And then he looks at me. I'm wearing my suffer hat and a fucking checkered collared shirt. Has the sweat stained the hat yet? Dude, no. It's very fresh.

It's pre-sweat. And he's taking my order. He's like, are you straight? And I'm like, yeah. He's like, you wear it well. And I'm like, oh. I'm getting fucking cooked right now. Everyone turns and points to you and goes, ha, ha, ha.

Yeah. And it goes back to what they're doing. That's crazy. And I was like, man, I got to fucking buy new clothes or something. That's healing the world. It's crazy because then you didn't change. No. I thought about it.

You stayed the exact same. Well, I had to. My old job had to wear ties and shit. So, you know, I tried to think. I tried to think a little bit more. But now here I am wearing Lulu's. Anyway, that was our DJ night. Aiden stayed out way longer.

We had to go back. Yeah, you guys were puking at the after party. Yeah, I took. She threw up cutie because she's on a diet. But her diet is just like, I'm restricted from eating so many foods. And now I can't eat any of the food I have. I just won't eat. Which isn't like a sustainable model.

Yeah, she's being like stubborn. Yeah. It's like, well, I guess I just won't eat food ever then. But actually doesn't. Yeah. And so she had one Chipotle bowl. Had three shots. Ow. Uh-oh. GG. GG. And so she had one Chipotle bowl, had three shots. Ow.

Uh-oh. GG. You know what's funny? I woke up the next morning. Well, no, no, I was up. I stayed up all night playing Valorant and wanting to fucking just jump out a window. Well, I walked out of the front door. It was like 9 a.m.

And on the ground is a DoorDash order that got delivered of, like, tacos that never got claimed and retrieved. It was there in the morning. That is a gift from God. No, because it was been there, like, all night. I'm just saying. I'm not saying it spawned there. I'm just saying that, like, how often does that happen? That 3 a.m., there's no food available, but then you go to the door.

No, no. It was, like, 9 in the morning. It had been there. Oh. This is how I knew. Because he's been playing Valorant for days. And I think it didn't really click that like, oh, maybe this is a problem. We went out this night and I woke up at 9, 9.15, 9.30.

Who's talking right now? Maybe dad drinks too much. And then I turned, I was like, oh my God, I tune in. He's still playing Valorant from the night before. Because when I got home and went to bed, you were playing at 5 a.m. And then you were still playing at 9.30 a.m. Nine, 10 hours. Can I hit you with an idea?

I just want to get out of silver. I'm still in silver, by the way. How about you go live until you do it? Go live? No, because then I just play worse, and then it never happens. You can sleep on stream. You built that way, bro? Why is Zipper laughing, bro?

What the fuck are you laughing at, bro? I did it. I did it. I did it twice. I don't think I won. You guys are the same, aren't you? He's also the thing. I'm the same.

I'm like, I'm actually two matches away from getting it. So maybe it's like an hour stream. That'd be tight. Or getting what? Gold. Just out hour stream. That'd be tight. Or... From getting what? Gold. Just out of silver. Oh, I see.

Well, you've been out of silver, right? Isn't the gold plot? Yeah. The gold is just right now it's out of silver. I see. Because I can't seem to fucking do it. Oh, okay. So, I don't know.

Nick was watching, and he was like, man, I wish I could just do it with him. I'm like, I want him to let me do it with him. I just want to play with him. I just want to be one teammate that listens to him. Hey, me too, brother. But I'm trying to prove a point to Riot. I'm trying to hear. I am the Boston Globe, and they are a cabal of religious pedophiles.

Okay, okay. And I am a cabal of religious pedophiles. Riot Games. I am a journalist. And I am being journalized. And I'm saying that. No, I'll stay on his side. There's a system that is wrong here.

Can I cut in? You should come over to this side. I am proving that the system is wrong by subjecting myself over and over to the fucking cathedral of these disgusting fucking Riot Games programmers. You need to stick it to Cardinal Merrill. I'm saying. I am someone who does business with them. Who?

Riot Games. Who? What do you mean who? Who? I've done watch, fuck you. I've done watch parties with League and Valorant. All right. So what?

I'll leave the house. I don't care. I'm just saying. I'm fucking struggling out here you call them a cabal of pedophiles that's not the same you're still playing the game that the pedophiles run yeah i'm proving a point the game's great the game's great i'm not okay with a pedophile when they're doing their free time's none of my business it's about i like it's about separating the art from the artist artist dude what's funny is you weave in and

out of genuine critiques of riot and then just insane alex jones things because you will be like they are they are treating me like they treat their women employees yeah i'll be like oh fuck yeah i'll like i'll lose like a 13-3 game and i'm just like oh some poor woman just got her face farted in after that yeah Yeah, and then you will say the CEO's a pedophile who grooms children. I have never said that. What you just did. No, I said that they're a cabal of them. I don't know who's

who. I don't know who the ringleader is. That's right. So the CEO's good. Just put my fucking account just like, just make my account go up in rank and i'll stop that's the level of cognitive dissonance he needs to keep playing and streaming the game you're doing like like social media terrorism to get like rank lp his stream title the other day

was was riot games is a domestic terrorist cell and i i tuned in and I was like maybe he needs to pull back on this one we're too attached who me and you me yeah how we are like when people think of me they know you they know you're the they think you're the only employee and which me and you fire me yeah you're robbing you're robbing you're robbing big we're the we're the fantasy factory if you have look if you have to choose between Riot and me, do it. I'm okay. I won't blame you. I can't believe it.

That's crazy. That's where it's at. It's Riot. It's an ultimatum. No, it's not. Because if he wants to, I will understand. It's not an ultimatum. You can pick them, and I'll just fucking...

Or you can pick me. I'll just live somewhere else. You have to pick either. Wait, that is literally an ultimatum. Yeah, it is. Isn't that an ultimatum? No, but an ultimatum... You're saying you won't be mad about it. Yeah, but that is literally an ultimatum. Yeah, it is. Isn't that an ultimatum? No, but an ultimatum. You're saying you won't be mad about it.

Yeah. But it's still an ultimatum. No, because I'm not giving, I'm not making you make the choice. I'm just saying if an ultimatum becomes something that is in your future, go for it. It won't be an ultimatum. I think it's more funny than anything. But, you know. I'm just saying.

Call it pedophiles is the word. Riot Games has a fucking drone strike on top of our house ready right now. I'm the Boston Globe. A hundred percent. That's all I'm saying. Call them pedophiles is the word. Riot Games has a fucking drone strike on top of our house ready right now. I'm the Boston Globe. A hundred percent. That's all I'm saying. I got a nice message the other week after the last podcast. That's great. So the last episode had the little, the video podcast had this little intro of me from like,

I don't know, like five or six years ago throwing a chair that i stole from a fraternity off a balcony oh yeah and uh and in that video like you can see the balcony and like the street that i throw it into and somebody messaged me and they were like no way like i live i live in that apartment like i i just spent a summer in that same apartment i was like no no fucking way and they were like yeah we still get mail from uh smash gg sometimes and i always wondered why and uh and then he sent me this video it was kind of this like nice little beautiful moment of him and his friend throwing trash from the balcony into the bin in the street because you can do it like there's this giant bin uh for the whole apartment complex and uh the street because you can do it like there's this giant bin uh for

the whole apartment complex and uh if you if you can throw far enough you can make you can fling your fucking trash bag into the bin it's really fun and i was like this is so funny because me and my roommates used to do this exact same shit and it's like four or five years later you're doing the same thing it's this nice like touching little video. That's very hype. Yeah. Send them a hammer so they can follow in our footsteps. Yeah. In five years, one of your friends will become extremely rich, and you can do destructive pranks.

You should know what to do with this. You've been activated. Okay, yeah. Dude, I thought you were going to be like, yo, I used to live in that apartment. You hit me with that chair. I can't see out of this eye, dude. What's up?

The Aiden in that video is such a different Aiden. It's like Squirtle. Yeah, I'm tired. It's like Squirtle you. It was weird because I don't think, like, I'm still, like, a pretty, like, thin guy. But having, like, having that video and being able to look at me, like, literally, like pounds lighter it's like kind of crazy actually i look fucking deformed and i do i have that little backpack on that does look like squirtle shell so i i every time i see him walking around with his shirt off i'm like dude if i could just find a girl with aiden's body but huge knockers i'm saying do you want a girl with small naturals no i want big naturals but the rest is

aiden's body my body with big knockers yeah that's tall yeah you date someone taller than you i don't care as long as they don't care sir yes some of us have to think about that that's crazy give me perspective I'm thinking about silver again we need to move away from Valorant actually I do want to get into something because you had the the diaper the diaper argument because this clearly spiraled into something very unintended. I don't really understand how we got to this point.

Sorry to do back-to-back podcasts where I just tell long stories. So I'm at Summit Studio. They asked me to come in. They asked me to help with an event. And I was casually reading my my discord and i see a message from our friend andrew and it says hey guys are diapers underwear and i read that i'm like huh i think about it for a sec and i'm like i i think they're underwear i think they are i but i paused the question in the room i'm in and um dan who's also in the room says like yes i think they're

underwear we agree it's very important to recognize that we start this story just completely agreeing. It's not like a disagreement that turns into an argument. And I was like, oh, yeah, okay, cool. We agree. But then someone else came in. I think it was like Ken Chan or something. It was like, no, or whatever. I don't know.

Someone comes in and disagrees. And so this whole argument starts in this room. I get the first DM from Andrew at 6 p.m. This whole argument starts. And then the next question was asked, well, someone who thinks that they weren't underwear. I was like, all right, you have a pair of underwear, and you put the underwear on, and you get another pair of the same underwear,

and you put those on on top. Are both still underwear? Or is only the pair that is under underwear, and the pair on top is not underwear now? Yeah, it's basically asking, is a diaper simply some sort of physical boundary for for shit and poop yeah and they were like the one under the person was like the one dan said sorry the one under is underwear the one on top is not psychopath and i was like that's crazy and he's

like it's under that's what makes it underwear and i'm like wow and so i was like but underwear has like an innate definition and we got into this like we got into this like argument about it and i was like so if i get a pair of basketball shorts and i wear them under my my jeans because i can't find boxers are those underwear now or am i just using them as underwear i did that yesterday yeah and also you're not wearing anything now you're too rich for that i also we went to ramen last night and we planned on just like picking something up we were gonna go to taco bell i'm not gonna i'm not gonna dude we went to talk real quick gonna go to taco bell i'm not gonna i'm not gonna dude we went to talk real quick we went to taco bell this lady in the most hurried like

thick mexican accent it's just like hello sorry like it's i'm really backed up right now there's only two of us are you okay with waiting for 20 minutes i'm really really sorry we're like oh no that's okay we'll just go she's like thank you so much i'm so sorry like the thing is gonna be a crater by the end of this terrible evening it felt so bad she sounded so straight like no it was like it was not angry it was not like neutral it was it was sad it was like a crisis was happening i was like we should get in there but they're asking about fifth meal i'm in the car i'm in the car just in my pajamas i don't have underwear on and i'm in thin i'm in thin ass pajamas and'm in the car just in my pajamas. I don't have underwear on, and I'm in thin-ass pajamas. And Anthony's like, we're going to ramen.

And we just walked in, and I've never free-balled it in a public space like that. No, dude, my balls smell bad. And I'm like, dude, my balls smell bad for fucking nine hours. I feel vulnerable. I get it. I get it. Yeah. Okay.

But I do it a lot. You walk around with your hands in your pockets. I hate it. I get it. Yeah. Okay. But I do it a lot. You walk around with your pockets. I hate it. Our server actually walked by and was like, that's balls? Did one of you order the stinky edamame? I didn't realize we brought that out. What that smell like?

What was fucked up is I went to Commando to try on a suit, and they had me try on pants. That's crazy. Did you buy them? I you buy the pants they were rental and i told the guy because i i the guy was cool i was like hey i'm free balling all right both boys are out and you know what he said he says that's all right get comfortable and i'm trying to make a sale and i'm like i'm like you're a psychopath i put it on over the shorts that was fine but he was he was trying to get me to go crazy. Yeah, he was a crook.

Yeah. He wanted that shit to look turned yellow. And then he was going to sell it, I bet. That's his pitch. All right, diapers. So that part of the discussion, and basically I was like, if you wear basketball shorts under jeans, are those underwear now? And he was like, yes.

The person I disagreed with was just like, no, now we disagree. And I was like, hold on. So this turned The person I disagreed with was just like, no, now we disagree. And I was like, hold on. So this turned into a grander argument where the center of it all was this question. So you imagine a backpack. You get a backpack, take it off your back, put it on the ground. All right. You lay the backpack on its side. So like the back of the backpack is facing up and you get like food or a cup and you put it on top and you say the sentence.

I'm using this backpack as a table. Is the backpack a table now? Like, so the first choice is, is the backpack now a table in combination with also being a backpack? So it is both an actual table and a backpack. Or the second option, are you using the backpack as a table, but it is still only a backpack still only about knowing that it's not originally intended as a table it more just comes down to like the description of words and how we how we just decide that like okay well this is this is a footrest but it's also a fireplace right i think it's pretty simple and i would argue that it's a fireplace you use as a footrest but it's not a footrest or whatever so or maybe a table is a better it's's a question of intent. When Pampers makes a

didey for your butt for like an adult or a baby for the babies with big butt when the shit comes out of a poopy butt. Yeah. And Pampers says we'll catch that for you.

Right. Big dog. We got it. Hey King you drop this in the diaper. Don't worry. And so that's your argument is that they made that for the poop. But you could wear it as underwear.

I think my argument was basically centered around the idea that, like, words have definitions. And when definitions fail, we make different words or we improve definitions and make them better. And we are, like, abiding by these definitions to have a discussion. And the moment you say that words don't mean anything is the moment that you like can't have the argument because you're using words that you're defining in order to have it with me yeah and so for me for you to say that it's a table because i say it is doesn't make sense so what happened what was the this argument lasted uh four and a half hours uh from it was from 6 p.m almost to midnight and uh it at the end it's like a screaming like forum and someone's like play-doh once said uh it was like that he was mad at one point uh for sure and uh

we were calling a bunch of people in um you know opinion opinions were flying about there was at one point like 10 people in the room all in a circle like smoking weed just thinking about this and uh i asked the question so is dr mario a doctor and false equivalence but no i wasn't saying that like i wasn't saying that it's the same thing i was more just asking that question like kind of in the realm of whatever yeah because like he's called a doctor does that make him one and well he also has pills and a thing on his head yeah so then we got into the argument of whether or not dr mario's a doctor i'm curious to hear your guys' input. Well, yeah, he's Dr. Mario. Yeah, I mean, look, I'm not going to fucking shake a man down for his doctorate degree,

but, you know, if I go to Dr. Mario's clinic and I say, I have syphilis, heal me. I expect it to be healed. I expect him to give me a pill for that. I see. You know? A big old fat pill. Big fucking pill. So you don't think that, like, in think that when we say a doctor, it implies

a person, which Dr. Mario cannot be. Doctor is a title. And that's why you can put it on your driver's license. And that makes it different from being like Streamer Ludwig. It doesn't say Streamer Ludwig on his ST. Well, it's a title you earn.

That's what I'm saying. And he has earned it because it says it. In the Mario universe. But I could also lie and say I'm a doctor. It's a title you earn. But it'd be nice. That's what I'm saying. And he has earned it because it says it. In the Mario universe. But I could also lie and say, I'm a doctor, Starbucks girl. Yeah. Yeah. You'd be lying. But she has to pretend. She has to take my claim at face value because that's how we have to live is trusting human beings.

So we have to trust Dr. Mario. I trust Dr. Mario. Okay. So we're not actually having an argument. Okay. No, I'm saying that like. You can't. But that's the problem is that that doesn't make you...

That doesn't make it right. Also, I'm not arguing if he went to fucking school. He's a doctor because he's called Dr. Mario. He may have gone to school. Yeah. So my argument why Dr. Mario is not a doctor seems like I'm three to one here, which is what I was in the room, but I turned a lot of people my way, was in order to be a doctor in

the definition of a doctor you to be a person dr mario which is fictional cannot be a person in the same way that if i if i look that says a dog can't practice medicine also italians are people animals are people that's funny uh yeah i got that but wait perhaps oh perhaps the dr mario you're thinking of was maybe in some way not necessary okay this is that's straight from shigeru miyamoto my my argument oh god but my argument is not that he didn't earn the doctor i think in the market that's what matters no my my argument is such a dumb motherfucker sometimes if you think of a doctor right think of one right now no okay we're not having an argument to fuck this i'll'm not going to think of a doctor. Are you saying it because Mario's not a human?

Think of a doctor right now. Yeah. Tell him no. I have a doctor in my head. That thought is in reference to a real thing. It's actually Johnny Sins as a doctor. It's not a doctor. So you're saying that every fictional character just should not be doctors because they're not real?

That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying they're fine to be a fictional doctor. Yeah but they're not arguing that dr mario isn't a real doctor that's what i'm saying when you say i'm going there you're saying oh mario he's not a real mario when i'm saying i'm going to the doctor i'm not saying a fucking not real doctor i'm saying a real doctor in the universe we live in you're just on i i wait i would call you an idiot but you're actually just on a level that I'm unable to access. I see. That makes sense.

I'm just not there. Dr. Mario isn't a doctor because he can't be your doctor at, like, the clinic. Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? So what I'm saying is that when you use the word person

in the confines of our universe, you have to be a person who earns a degree by going to school in the in the material world real not an idea and what my point i was getting to is if you have if you think of a doctor right you your thought is in reference to a real thing a real doctor but your thought is not a doctor even though you are thinking of one that's the same as dr mario it is not real you're talking about the abstraction of the what we call something versus what something actually is yeah and just the this is a post-modern idea

of the the idea that language cannot accurately at the end of the day ever represent the real because it just it's just can't because they're words and it sounds we make the assumption that they do because we have to because that's how we have to communicate there's a poem by mark doughty called uh fucking it's beautiful i forget what it's called though but uh it's it's this is a post-modern idea it's been around for a long time and which is actually what exactly what i said in the room i said i said this is what we're arguing has been argued for thousands of years no just just like a hundred wait really yeah i feel really post-modernism like there's the there's the platonic idea of like a chair is a chair then i guess you can kind of tie that in and it goes back to it but like this specific idea of language being ultimately flawed has definitely been

treaded ground for the past like 150 100 top five slime smart moments this is the only thing i know i uh i still stand my ground on the dr mar Mario thing. I mean, you're technically right, but it doesn't matter because being technically right in a postmodern sense just means that nothing means anything and you just stand there until you die. No, but my argument was the opposite, not that nothing means anything. I know, but ironically

that's what you kind of circle back to. Either way, he's a doctor. I believe him. I believe him too. I would let him do things to me doctor wise. You would let him look at your asshole? Yeah, if he wanted to. If he's a doctor, we trust them. I don't even think he needs to bend over.

Do you think he's specialized? Do you think he's a general practitioner? I think he's an oncologist. I bet he has just like a doctorate in like English. Oh, Dr. Mario, but he's capping? Yeah, he's not a doctor of medicine. And he just wears the coat? Yeah. He just has a PhD in some English. Oh, Dr. Mario, but he's capping? Yeah, he's not a doctor of medicine. And he just wears the coat?

Yeah. He just has a PhD in some bullshit. Honestly, if I'm a doctor and some fucking douche gets a doctorate in English, we're not. Here's my real question.

Yeah, of course not. Are chiropractors doctors? I don't think they are. I don't know enough about chiropractors. Unless they have a doctorate, but they probably don't. I think you don't need a doctorate to become a chiropractor. You don't need it. What do you need? I enough about chiropractors. They're literally not. Unless they have a doctorate, but they probably don't. I think you don't need a doctorate

to become a chiropractor. What do you need? I feel like chiropractors have the opportunity to kill you. You need a bone degree. I think there's like... You need a degree in bones and blood. That's all that hairdressers need. There's like a school for chiropractors. Aestheticians. But it's all

mean. Aestheticians? Wait. Aestheticians. Aestheticians. He's using words and he was smartestheticians? Wait. Aestheticians. Aestheticians. He's using words and he was smart before, so I'll go with him. I got credit now. I got momentum. He's got street credit. So the thing about being a hairdresser is that you need to kill a guy first. And you need to steal their hair.

Yeah, you need to be dressed in their hair. And that's how you earn the title. It's like a purple heart. That's how you earn the medal. That's the end. That's the final exam for beauty school. It's blood in's blood in blood out baby did you bring in your guy you forgot my guy i couldn't get a guy in time he was way stronger than me he got away just like oh i guess you suck then guess you're not getting your degree i haven't told you guys i uh i told slime about

this but i i i popped a gummy because i wanted to write a script oh dude and uh and i got bored halfway through and i was writing a script for this this video so i'm like you know what i've never done this what if i recorded some super auto pets but i was super super high because i hadn't done gummies in like, you know, since like before London. And and and I was doing it. And like in the moment, I was like, this is great. I end. I watch back 30 seconds. I'm like, this will never see the light of day.

I really want to see the forbidden high Ludwig content. How much? How much of the Patreon to release to our Patreon? That's what I'm saying. No, we shouldn't gate it. We should just upload. I could be down to just release it raw. Yeah. You know, I like that to the Patreon to release to our Patreon? That's what I'm saying. No, we shouldn't gate it. We should just upload. I could be down to just release it raw. Yeah.

You know? I like that. To the Patreon. Yeah, I want to see this. You can get to see high-budget content. And the thing is, I don't even think it's like, it's not like, it's literally an hour of me playing Super AutoPath. Like, I don't even think.

There's no chatter in there, right? It's offline. Yeah, it's just offline, and it's, I don't know. I felt so vulnerable after. I'm like, i will never do this again ever wow you're out of your comfort zone i remember i talked to uh who was it i i think it was um it was germa and he was like like yeah one time before stream i took like just like a little bit just like like five grams like a really small amount and then i was on stream and an analog clock came up in the game

and i couldn't read it and chat was like oh he's playing a bit like it's a bit but i was there and i couldn't read the clock and i started to get really embarrassed but i was like oh yeah i can't read the clock wow and then i never did it again because he was just so embarrassed it turned me to a dumbass. That's crazy. There was a guy I went to college with in my English program, and he's like, LSD is great. One time I took it, and I kept saying to myself, the skull on the wall is telling me it's time o'clock.

And I was like, that rules, dude. You are so sick. He was a good writer the only bit I came up with that I told Slime was it was about like an Elden Ring review

and it was George Third Arm Martin and I was like you gotta gummy more often bro you gotta get in the discord that's what I told him I was like that's like a nickname

yeah Kyle's name right now is Bread Kaczynski I like that one that's great a nickname. Yeah. Kyle's name right now is Bread Kaczynski. I like that one. That's great. What was I going to say about your fucking gummy adventure? I forget.

We went to see Batman, though, together. Because basically I asked the whole group chat if he wanted to go see Batman. And then AIM was like, no, I don't want to see it with you. You did do that. And I was like, okay, kill yourself. That happened, too. Yeah. Our group chat gets pretty crazy i told i told him to kill himself because he didn't get caught that happened too

look just to be i love this guy the hammer thing is still worse dude it was worse it was dude it was so much more emotionally hitting it was uh hold on aiden reason oh i i say i replied what did i say what did i say i woke up i i say i'll get coffee no what did i say if you haven't gone yet let me ask let me ask what i tell him what i asked the chat okay you said any coffee bears. And then and then 10 minutes later, you're all dead to me. Nobody responded. I was sleeping. What were you sleeping? I was sleeping.

And then I responded. I was like, I'll get coffee if you haven't gone yet. This is like 30 minutes after that. And then he said, I left you emotional terrorist. That's right. That's what I said. I love fucking with Aiden, man. That shit's awesome.

I don't fuck with Aiden just because Slime does a lot of it. Yeah, I don't like it on the days where Slime used to do a lot. But at Ramen, man, Aiden, I will say, his escapades during this weekend,

which I won't spoil because I don't think he's ready for that, but his escapades during this weekend which I won't spoil because I don't think he's ready for that but his escapades this weekend were so impressive to me and they made me feel like you know what I could also be as confident as this guy in social situations because we went you're the same I haven't told you because I went to uh we went to go see goddamn Batman and I was like they invited me because we went to go see goddamn Batman and I was like they invited me because we went to go see it with shroud in them. Yeah. Shroud invited.

They like rented out a theater. They invited us. It was a while ago and we forgot and then they hit us up and we're like oh yeah. So we go and it's like a bunch of streamers. I was like oh you should invite Nick. It would be dog not to because it was me cutie and you. And then I was like he's working. Smash you summit.

He said smash summit. So I was like oh no. But I want you to know I thought of you i could have gone by but then i said get danced on could you have yeah i know were you not rock climbing during the event oh yeah fair look you know what i'm sorry that's okay anyway we go and there's a lot of people there and i just i instantly i freeze up because i'm like ah it's too many people it's a plant group activity and i'm like okay what would aiden do in this situation? I literally thought that. And I was like, okay, how do I beat Aiden here?

And then I was like, oh, find someone I know. Did he even come back in his flesh? Hey, guys. It's dripping blood. It's me. I became him. I became Aiden. I'm being loud.

What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? You guys. Oh, you guys are too good. You're going to make me blush. That's classic. Shit. That's classic.

So I go, and I'm like, okay, and I'll find someone I know. Oh, Will Neff. And me and Will Neff start talking, and he's like. Dude, he's so easy to gravitate towards. He's just like a fucking. He's like oil. He's like 5W30, baby. You just go.

He also won't ditch you. He'll stick with you at this party, even though he's not here to socialize he's like 5w30 baby you just he won't he also won't ditch you he'll stick with you at this party even though he's not here to socialize with you and it felt good and i'm like god this is so fucking hard for me and then ludwig just walks in he's like yeah i actually mostly use these opportunities for business opportunities yeah he immediately like shook down myth and will about a business opportunity, a thing that we're planning, which should be pretty fun. And all this shit, and I'm like, okay. And I'm just like, I'm basically, I'm having this, like, experience where I'm, like, trying to, I'm trying really hard to be, like, normal. Yeah, what do I do?

In a social situation. He's,'s like looking around for a hammer. This is really hard. This is the part of the party where sober people, like when you feel like this and you're sober at a party,

you like look for a cup to hold because it just makes you feel more normal. The cup is so nice. So it's at a movie theater and they're all gamers and all nerds excited to see Batman

at the like premiere. That's what I have to tell myself. Yeah. But it's just the fact that there's so many people. I don't know. My brain just doesn't compute it well uh but i felt pretty good i was like nice some progress here yeah and then you fucking dude oh he bombed it was really funny

you bombed we uh we're starting to watch bad man shut the fuck up wait no this was not the bomb oh you're dumb wait go ahead your bomb wait his first bomb. I'll tell you what I think your bomb is. This is not a bomb. We were watching Batman, and the theater goes dark. We watch the trailer, and then the title comes up, and it's like the movie starts, and a couple people start clapping. And this is fine because this is literally a closed environment with a bunch of people that know each other.

This is not rando 76 clapping. This is way different uh so i'm like it weird yeah but it was more like hey we're together you know i'm with it i feel like the only time i ever really clap is when like it's more like is when someone else starts a clap and i'm like i agree it's a good thing happening it was also like three people it was not a lot of people but then ludwig we're in the way back and, and Ludwig's like, we're a clapping crowd. No one said that. Nothing.

Dude, you're actually dumb. No, you. I got a few laughs. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. I didn't hear them. You're dumb. Oh, fuck.

Fuck. I hate when Slimes says I didn't hear them. I just didn't hear them. You're just dumb. Hey, am I not a guy who pays attention to sound a lot? He does pay attention to sound a lot. Boom. I'm just saying.

But you're also a guy who's wrong a lot. I'm kind of grappling with that. This is not even close to where I thought you were. What actually the real bomb was after the movie was over, I went up to someone, and I won't say who just because of specifics, and I was like, oh, I'll see you tomorrow because we're going to go to the Abbey. Oh, that was a. And they were not going.

That was a social folks. They were someone who just they weren't they weren't part of the original group. Oh, so you. I was like, bro, you're going to Kathy's. Yeah, you're going to Kathy's. And Kathy's like, don't invite. Kathy's like, well, I don't have a fit. What are you talking about?

And then she like looks at you like this. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And it wasn't like a malicious like, oh, we're not inviting them. It was more like it was just like you have a like, oh, we're not inviting them. It was more like, it was just like, you have a max amount of people you can invite to a table

when you get a table at a bar, and they just hadn't invited this person. Because they weren't good enough, were they, Ludwig? No, it wasn't that at all. Why not? Who didn't make the cut? Why are you doing this to me?

Can I guess? Why are you doing this to me? When you blurb it, and you bleep it out? None of this can happen. None of these things. Bleep. One of those. You can guess. I actually bleeped it. Wrong bleep it out none of this can happen none of these things bleep one of those

you can guess wrong was it was it no that would happen to him it wasn't even there yeah

I texted him an hour before I said yo you coming to Batman I talked to Will Neff and he I had my Ready to Rumble shirt on

and he immediately told me about like a thing he saw about David Arquette and he's like you gotta watch this documentary and I'm just like please just be I wish I could summon him yeah like it like in World of Warcraft like he's my he's my summon and I like I like and then Will Neff pops up and then we just like he just like helps me socialize dude Cutie was a celebrity when we walked into the pregame oh yeah because she never goes out, right? She just never goes out. She gets invited. She always says no.

She's like, I hate clubs. It makes me feel bad. She goes in and everyone's just popping off. They started doing a chant. Really? Yeah, it's so funny because Cutie has so much social anxiety and has a fear of just going to these things in general. The moment she

walks in the room. The moment she walks in the room, everybody's so room everybody's so excited you're dating a female version doesn't that make it worse don't aren't you with me that made because then you become the spectacle and it's a it's like it's about like how it's so special and crazy that you've done this and you're like stop looking at me i feel like people that's how i feel i i feel like it's kind of like that when people make a point of identifying the fact that fact why they're excited. But I feel like they're just happy to see it. Yeah. It's more so the rarity of how this never happens to me. It feels like you come downstairs and they're like someone came out of the cave.

That's what I feel like when I come down. Yeah. I think identifying the rarity and like pushing that on the person is the part where I think it's like unfair and makes the person. I think she also just treats all those people well. She's like the person who sends them fucking birthday little gift bags and Christmas cookie drop and shit.

And it's like Cutie and Ludwig and everyone's like, Ludwig didn't do shit. She's fucked in the head for that shit. She is. I cannot, I could not. I don't remember literally your birthday and your birthday. I don't know.

I know his because I legally have to. It's a good friend, good friend. March 21st. Damn. You got it. It is. You got it. It is August 19th. Wow, you missed it by so far. Second. Yeah, second.

And it is April 30th. Yeah. The day Hitler killed himself. Every time I say it. Weird enough you were born the same day. Weird enough he actually saw you, and that's why he killed himself. In 1945? Yeah.

He saw me go, what's up, Hitler? He was like, ew. And he's like, you know what? It's time we wrap this thing up. You know what? We are getting closed in on it. Yeah. She called me out.

She was like, you're stealing my thing because I got Clint Stevens a birthday present. I'm like, getting birthday presents? Getting gifts from people. It's true, though. She has a huge point. I'm like, no. No, she has a huge point.

I just did it for Clint. That's cute, though. It was cute. He said on stream that only two people got him presents. It was his mom and me. That's so cute, man. That's a elite club. That's elite.

How often do you talk to Clint Stevens? Maybe like once every couple weeks. Oh, okay. Just in one talk for like an hour. Let me, I'll show you, I'll share with you a DM I had with Clint Stevens because I needed, because he did, what did you do with him that he like won money?

Mario Kart tournament. Yeah. He crushed. Clint Stevens. Yeah, he was better than everybody. He's cracked. So I messaged him. This is last year.

Hey, Clint, I am paying out for Ludwig's Mario Party Tournament cannot find you on PayPal can you send me the right one and then I said as proof I'm not scum here is a video and I'll just play it the sound

this is me going downstairs to Ludwig's room I open the door he's streaming I flip him off Matthew's just laughing at something off stream I open the door. He's streaming. I flip him off. Matthew's just laughing at something off stream. I'm not laughing at the middle finger. You're just laughing.

You're just on stream. One middle finger and I give that belly laugh. And he said, you're followed by a ton of people I know have 65K followers and yet you think you need to show a proof vid. I think you just wanted to give him the finger on stream. And I said, any chance I get, brother. Can I ask a question question why does the topic board say myth comes himself

dude because he does like you so we were we were at this the suit fitting and it's supposed to be me and five other streamers everybody bails day of some good reasons about this some Some just straight up

no call, no show. And it was supposed to be the six of us. It was supposed to be me, Hasan, Myth, Wilnef, Toast,

and Sykuno. Who no call, no show. Obviously Sykuno. Obviously Toast. You know what's crazy? No. Toast sends me a DM, like a very vulnerable one.

He was just like, I can't do it. And he had good reasons and I was like, totally fair. Sykuno, like the hour of, he's like, hey, stayed up too late playing elden ring can't come and i'm like i get it i thought you were the least likely the whole time

will neff nothing if you were at bed bath and beyond will neff you'd be fired right now this is to be fair the day after we went out to the gay club and will was more fucked than anyone yeah what was what was wasted when we got to the gay club and Will was more fucked than anyone. Yeah. Will was wasted when we got to the pre-game. He eventually sent me a message two hours after he was supposed to show up saying, I just woke up in a puddle of confusion. And then Hassan, the night before, said he's not going to come. He told me at the club because he wanted to go play Elden Ring on stream all day.

Okay. So it ended up just being me and Myth going suit shopping for the award show. And I was feeling weird about streaming it because like IRL streaming is like... It's beat and shitty and stupid. No, I actually think it's sick and pog and inherently fun. But it is...

Two minds. It's a completely different skill. And I don't have it. I haven't honed it. Okay. It's kind of like when I first started doing offline recording of videos, I was always like shy and nervous and I'd do like a bunch of takes and I would't have it I haven't honed it okay it's kind of like when I first started doing offline recording of videos I was always like shy nervous I do like a bunch of takes now I just want to take it in in IRL streams I'm still a bit weird about it so I was like I promise like a lot and

I'm gonna show with me and myth fucking two chissy boys I'm gonna feel weird oh he's a chissy I forget he does forgetting so we did it on his stream the similarities are getting weird now yeah right we did it on his stream which I felt better about because you're always phoning on other people's streams. And I brought up the fact that I always get a boner when I'm in an Uber without fail. Really?

Every time I'm in an Uber, I get rock hard. You get rock hard? I get rock hard. I'm chubbed. You get rock hard. No, no, no. I get rock hard

and I try to go chub. I really try. Every single time? Every time I'm in an Uber. Maybe if it's like three minutes and it's down the street. I don't know what that is. Because that happened to me on my way to school every morning. Yeah, the bus.

That's where it's from. The bus is a boner factory. So the bus boner translated to Uber. To be clear, when you're a kid and riding it. Oh, yeah. Not now. Oh, yeah. Now, I see one of those buses drive by i get a motor i don't see a bus and go

that's a boner factory by the way sam that's bad there's a lot of little boners on that bus right now that used to be me there's so many goddamn boners on that bus that used to be me oh it looks to be about 20 kids on that bus son of a bitch god god boners on that bus why is it southern i was southern because you're hunting them oh i love that okay well so no i here's a really quick aside every morning i would take the i rode the bus all the way up to senior year because i didn't have a car or even a license and my friend would drive me to a school but only if i gave him five dollars insane that's high that's so expensive yeah i'm the godfather i'm the godfather who was kid now but you know whatever and uh oh this is eric right yeah i know his friends and uh and so i and he wouldn't he wouldn't give me a ride unless i paid

him so sometimes i wouldn't so i take the bus and every time Boner City right and there was this other girl that took the bus who is also in my grade also Boner City senior and I want every every morning I wanted to talk to her right but I had a fucking boner and I'm like I can't like what am I gonna do what am I gonna do starts

talking to Sam and being like hey what's up you know and I just to this day i'm like the fucking bus cucked me so bad bro yeah what do you what is it about the ubers and the buses that does this to you guys the bus is the bumpiness right when we drove to the batman uh-huh you get a boner in the front seat if was i driving no you were in the you were i drove remember i probably got a boner then yeah you don't No, I get a boner every time. You're so,

you're so heartless. No, it's more like I get a boner every time. It's like, do you remember the breath you took? No, I just, I got a boner. Dude, you had a boner

like two feet away from me. That's what I'm, I, all the time. This happens all the time. Every time I'm in an Uber, I get rock hard. One of the biggest adrenaline lectures I've ever felt

was in high school Spanish. I got called up to write on the board for like a thing with an uptucked boner. Oh. And I thought I was chilling. Better not write up there because then the shirt comes up. Yeah, exactly, bro.

And I got to write on the board. So I got to lift my arm up. And I'm literally walking up like kind of like this. Like I just like got my shirt down. And I'm like doing kind of this thing. And I was like, if this, this will end it all for me. Oh, yeah. This is high school's done.

You're done. So you can see the little tip of yourippy a little penis but i clutched it i clutched it i could clutch it i'm putting mayama i'm mayama humberto do you know what would be actually a sick gag gift yard merch it's a belt that is just for uptucked boners no No. No. No. I don't want to do this. I don't want to say... What makes it different than a belt? Because it's specifically for your cock. It has like a little bit of a... It has like a cap.

Yeah, it goes in it. A cap? It's like a cock ring. No, it's a hat. Yeah, yeah. And it's like a fiesta of like sombrero hat or something. We shouldn't say this live. That only makes sense for them.

Dare I say it? Million dollar idea. Yeah. And we can get all these kids their little boner hats. Well, hold on. They're Spanish class. And when they're on the bus, God damn boners are rocking up like God damn horses, man. Woo!

Hey. That's a great gag. Come on down to Ludwig's Boner Emporium. I've been watching Shark Tank. There's this little device. It's a sand clock, a five-minute sand clock. But on the front, it says poo timer. That's it, and you tip it upside down,

and then the sand goes. There's nothing special about this item. Oh, it's an hourglass? It's an hourglass that's five minutes long that's for pooping, and it's supposed to be so you don't spend too much time in the toilet. It's for men.

It's a gag gift for men for Father's Day. Hold on. I don't sit on the toilet because I fucking want to. I'm just trying to get it done. If it takes more than five, it takes more than five. You're an anomaly. Yeah, you know. This is for people who sit on their phone.

You're a medical problem. What does Incubus have to do with this? This is for phone sitters? No, he did it again. It's different. Either way, this product makes a million bucks a year. Just this shitty product. We put sand in a thing, and now we're rich.

So boner hats, we're talking maybe two, three billion a year? How many boners do kids get a day? You got to add them all. We got to do some product research. The hats will be disposable so that they have to get a new one every time. Like razors. It can pivot into a condom. In case.

A condom. You can push it down. You can roll it down. Yeah, you can roll it down. But it's like instead of keeping a condom in your wallet, you keep it on your dick. It would get so sweaty. You get boners on Ubers. Also, that means you would have to have a boner the whole time.

We'll think about this idea, guys. What happens when you lose the boner? The hat falls off. It's a bell. We'll think about it. No, dude. You lose the boner, and the hat falls, and it turns into truck nuts. And then when it comes back up, it gets right back in there.

It's like a warning. It's like what you have on dishwashers, clean or dirty, and it's like boner, not boner. And you can game that little thing. You try to catch the ball on the little wooden thing. You can play that with it, and you got to catch it on your boner tip. That's really like three products. Dude, there's like this old video.

I think it was Wild Boys or something. Maybe Bam's Unholy Reunion. But like Bam Margera puts like a Cheerio on the tip of his dick and then shoots it up into his mouth. How does he shoot it? That was a Dan Cook bit. Shoot it? The cashew?

I put a cashew on the tip of my hog and bounced it into my mouth. I swear I saw Bam Margera do this. Maybe it started from that and devolved into that. Dan Cook could have stolen something. You have a boner and you pull it to the bottom. And then you kind of move your hips up and you boil your wings.

In Jackass 1 or 2, Chris Pontius wrapped his cock in masking tape and painted it like a mouse and he put it through a little hole

and then there was a box with a snake in it. I remember seeing that. It was fucking funny. You've seen the new one, right? No, I haven't yet. They get involved. Yeah, I heard.

They do get involved with penises. You get boners on Ubers. Every single Uber I'm in, I get a boner. And this particular day, I was wearing Lululemon shorts with no underwear. So you were comfy. I was comfy. And you were lined up. But my dick was, like, very visible.

There was, like, millimeters of protection. I had one ply. And in the car ride, I brought with me my manga. Not to read because I was hungover. But so when I thought... To beat off to. If I had a boner and I was walking around, I could block it. And so I was telling Myth about this in the shop.

I'm like, when I walked up to you, did you notice anything weird? He's like, yeah, you were walking to the book in such a way. And I was like, yeah. It's because I got a boner and I was blocking the boner that I had in the Uber. Did you uptuck it and then block the uptuck? No, I don't uptuck. What's uptuck?

I don't uptuck. I uptuck if I have underwear, maybe. So what are you like pressing the boner down with the book? I'm like just blocking. Yeah, but it's still sticking out. Okay, so he's,

so hold on. So I understand. So he's got like a bulge from the boner, but then he's got like an open book. Is it open? It's closed. That's what I was picturing. And it's kind of pushed in. So it's kind of pushing it itself.

Okay, all right. Why don't you open it halfway and then rest it on your chalk. And then I say, Hey, lift this book up, Myth. Check out what I'm holding. Someone's like, Oh, do you know where the nearest coffee store is?

You're like, oh, it's over there. The book stays. It's like a birdhouse roof. And then you're like, it's over there. And you're like, hey, check this out out and you make it move i switch pages i kept picturing you holding the book open around and then your boner's going into the book so if you like really needed to you could like hot dog it with the book i tell him this and i'm like i'm getting vulnerable here we're on stream and then he looks at me and he like i can see he's deciding if he wants to say what he's about to say and he gives up on that

and he goes ludwig in math class i did a scientific experiment i wanted to see if i could come without touching myself what in class and i'm like my first question too i go bitch in class and he's like yes so i get a boner as you do in math because it came up because he says he always show up to math where i will get the boner that's what he it started basically saying i get a boner in ubers he's like i always get in math because we shared that i also get in math and he's like so i'm in math class and i'm just moving my leg in such a way and then he succeeds in coming himself in math class and i'm just moving my leg in such a way and then he succeeds in coming himself in math class and i'm like what okay what do you do after and he's like well i just have come and it just hardens oh my god he's right it does but it's insane that he did that he said he did it

for eight minutes and i was like wow that was overshare, but it was just enough that was entertaining for stream. I go to check out to buy the suit. I'm literally talking to this woman. I'm trying to whisper because it's like my personal information and he has a stream and I hear him. He's going, boys, we've all tried. What are you talking about?

We've all tried, right? But I, I am a champion. Dude, that's so goaded yeah we've all tried to suck our own dick right oh and i'm like what and and i can hear this and i'm like oh god please a little a little bigger a little bigger of a whisper and he's like goes on to tell this story about how at one point in his life he he tried to suck his dick. And he's like, you know, some of you guys, you stop at a lick. I don't stop there. No, he's trolling. And he's like, he's saying this straight face.

He's like, you know, and some people like to say it's more like sucking than it is getting it. But I didn't mind the sucking. And he talks about how, dude, he sucks himself to completion and busts in his mouth. What? No, you're lying. You're making this up. You're fucking with me. This is on stream.

You can go see them. You're actually fucking with me. He talks about this on stream in earshot at the suit shop. And chat is losing it. I don't think she could hear. I'll give it to it. I don't think she could hear. I'll give it to her. I don't think she could. We were having our own conversation, so I was hitting her with enough stuff.

He's just the Ouroboros. That's literally it. And he's talking about this. Chet's losing it. Question marks left and right. They're like, I cannot believe this is being said live on stream. And then he ends. He's like, you know, sometimes know sometimes guys maybe you overshare a

little bit no no that's that that's goaded because everyone tries everyone tries you everyone tries you're like i can't do that i've never tried you've never tried i've never tried you got when you get involved hey thanks off hey batman i definitely i'm batman is also maybe the real the real reason i've never tried is i'm very confident I'm not flexible enough to do it. Oh, so you don't even give yourself a shot. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, you got to do it the other way.

You go on your back and you, like, grab and fall. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Whoa! Yeah, because then you're... Yeah, and then you have to, like, kick up... I haven't even tried and I knew this.

Kick up your leg. Oh! Yeah, keep going. Yeah, and then... Feel good yeah. And then you have to, like, kick up. I haven't even tried and I knew this. Kick up your leg. Yeah. Keep going. Yeah. And then. Feel good? Right there, no shot.

12-inch dick. But you can't. You can, like, you can, like, you know, like, force your head up. Like, you're doing bad sit-ups. It's definitely going to be the worst blow, Jay, I ever got. Yeah. Because Myth was famously a virgin for a long time. Right. He was. sit-ups it's definitely gonna be the worst blow jay i ever got yeah dude because myth myth was myth was uh famously a virgin for a long time right he was bro he i mean that should count

yeah it should count that should count as losing your virginity that's right it's busting in your own mouth he earned it still when he when he gets to the pearly gates and god's sitting there he's god's gonna be like yeah you're you're cool you're good you stayed a virgin until you're an adult we respect that god's looking at the books he's like yeah it says here you busted in your own mouth yeah you're you're in hell no i don't tell you that's like number one i will like how why does he even leave the house if you could just hear that why is he even streaming wrong website bro what are you doing he goes live like sorry i'm late chat next day just fucking oh i just got

a little fucking little song song i do i remember my uh uh this girl used to date she would uh sometimes we would when we did that, I would bust in her mouth. But I needed a lot of help, right? So it would more be like me doing. Right. And then, but she liked that. So you'd suck yourself off and bust in her mouth. Yeah.

Like a mama bird, yeah. But she did this thing every time. She was like, she would, you know, swallow. And then she would do this thing where she's like. Oh, God. Oh, my Lord. She would swallow, and then she would do this thing where she's like... Oh, God! Oh, my Lord! Like a cartoon character.

It wasn't like she was throwing up. It was like a... Dude, she's a hero, okay? And that's the fact. She's allowed to make those noises after you come in someone's mouth. Every time, it was just so funny, and I'm like... She goes stinky. She makes Yoshi noises. She could have spit it out.

But she never did. And the first time it happened, I was like, oh, I guess she didn't really like that. We don't have to do that anymore. But then she just kept doing it. And I'm like, okay, maybe it's just part of the process. Oh, my God. Spitting it out is closer to me. I don't know to do that anymore, but that you just kept doing it. And I'm like, okay, maybe it's just part of the process. Oh my God. Spitting it out is closer to me.

I don't know. I can't relate. I would love to find out. Yeah. One day. Hey, I, I,

I remember asking somebody one time. It was like, you, you know, you don't have to do that, right? Like you don't, you don't need to do that.

And she was like, it's just more convenient. It's less messy. Yeah. And that was like her, it was like a very practical that. And she was like, it's just more convenient. It's less messy. Yeah. And that was like her, it was like a very practical answer. And I was like. Because that's where it goes. It's like why you beat off into the toilet.

Her mouth is the toilet. Oh, man. We haven't talked about that before. I like to beat off in the toilet's mouth. Yeah. For the convenience factor. Thanks for, yeah. Yeah, but it is the same.

I know. It actually is the same. That's what's what i'm saying yeah because this is the most convenient place to beat off it's better bro speaking of speaking of beating off what what you at this also happened at the club the whole night at the club i was getting mad i was getting mad by the head he's like this is a threat ludwig ludwig kept doing this thing he thought it was so funny drunk ludwig thought this was so funny drunk Ludwig thought this was so funny he kept saying

I'm gonna beat your dick I'm gonna beat your dick but while he would say it he would punch me in the dick I like that and he thought and he thought the pun

was so funny but the problem is the more Ludwig drinks the less like careful he is about how hard he's fucking punching me in the dick

it's a very mango thing so by the end of the fucking night Ludwig's like I'm gonna beat how hard he's fucking punching me in the dick. It's a very mango thing to do. So by the end of the fucking night Ludwig's like, I'm gonna beat your dick. He's like chasing me around the little fucking table at the club we're at. Ah, you're like a fat boy, I'm gonna beat your dick. He's like, he's a fucking gremlin doing it and but the punches are getting fucking hard. Uh huh. That is funny, you were right. That was funny. I don't know what you, it was funny.

What was your, what was it? Comments, let me know. Was it funny? Did you say stop punching me in the dick? I don't know what you, I was funny. What was your, what was it? Comments. Let me know. Did you say stop punching me in the dick? I don't like that. Cause I, cause you know what? Funny. So I kept laughing.

I hit the tip enough too. Cause I knew where the tip was. Yeah. Cause if I went lower, then it's not fun. Cause then he's like, but punching the dick doesn't hurt. The tip is like a fun little game.

It's a fun little game. It's a fun little game. We're going to do that more. I forgot to include this in my, me austin squash the beef story but uh the i realized i remember the exact moment that the beef with me and him was squashed and i decided i liked him because we were at stav's comedy show and while i was explaining something to him i like moved my hand and i spilled i spilled my i got a coke and me and him both ordered cokes because i didn't know he doesn't drink either so we were like bonding on that a little bit and I smack my coke right when it shows up but the waitress comes she walks away I smack it it goes fucking all over

the table it's one of those like club tables where it's like there's like a ring around the edge so all the coke is contained by the table it doesn't spill off the edge but it's like but like no it's like a moat like no one can use the table now. And Austin goes like, oh, don't worry. He takes his Coke and he fills mine to half.

And he's like, don't worry. I thought he was going to pour his out. That would be tight. Miles Davis shit. It was very, it was very sweet. Austin said,

Opa, and poured it all over the floor. Punch me in the mouth. Get your son! I didn't know it was a celebration uh b squash yeah he uh i was i thought you're there's an episode it's the last episode of season four of mad men where don draper he is uh he like he's with his secretary and his kids on this trip and his secretary his kid like spills a milkshake all over the this is the french secretary yeah

yeah they end up together yeah and he spilled all over the this is the the french secretary yeah yeah they end up together yeah and he spilled all over the table and he starts freaking out and megan the secretary is like oh it's cool we'll just clean it up and he and then don proposes to her in the next scene and it's all because his ex-wife betty would just freak the fuck out and he was like oh people are normal i need to lock this one down but it was so crazy because that part of the show, like, Don Draper is, like, such a psychopath. But then at that point of the show,

they're like, but we're gonna make you like him. You're still gonna like him. Oh, that's every part of the show. You're like, oh, I kinda like this guy. Dude, they did Betty so dirty. They do Betty pretty dirty.

Yeah, she gets fucking diced up by Matt Weiner. Because, like, I'm only in season two. Oh, sorry. Well, no, spoilers don't matter. Okay. That's right. There's no say that's fucking right Well, that's fine. Oh those tones. Oh, no. Oh you were live on season two then you were live on air

Oh, you know you're you got caught Oh, I love this gonna I'm going to beat your... It is so cringe. It is so cringe. This is literally Christmas for me. Because I knew they got a divorce, and I didn't want to know why. What's that?

We had an episode before he can explain himself, too. Oh, absolutely. Are we in time? Are we in time? We're right about there, fellas. We're right about there. Well, that sounds really good. I knew they got a divorce.

I didn't want to know why. Thank you guys so much for listening to The Yard. If you didn't know, we have a Patreon. We're right about there. Well, that sounds really good. I knew they got a divorce. I didn't want to know why. Thank you guys so much for listening to The Yard. If you didn't know, we have a Patreon. We're close to 20k. So if you want to go check the Patreon, we do other shows. And anyone else? Maybe we'll throw the secret gummy on there. Oh, yeah. Maybe we'll throw that secret gummy episode of Ludwig. Did we actually

ever talk about on the podcast, the interview with Susan? Because I don't know if we updated the podcast. Where did you post that? Let me update on the Patreon episode then. Susan, the CEO of YouTube? That's right. There's an update? That's right, Nick.

There's new news coming in really fast. I guess we'll tell them on the Patreon episode. Okay. Bye. Bye. See you later.