The Yard - Ep. 37 - We were sent canned farts from Amouranth

Episode Date: March 23, 2022

This week, the boys receive a case of Amouranth's "scent jars", Nick and Aiden go to Smash Camp, and we find out who has the strongest grip strength. in the crew.

Hey, hey, hey, man. I know that you like me. You are super cringy. There you go, that's a little better. No way, no way, I didn't think it was possible. I think you need a new one. Just connected for free because Aiden is really cringy. You like that one, Aiden?

Aiden, how come? Are we going? How come what? Aiden didn't put out the cringy. How come it's your birthday and then you start wearing glasses? This is pretty fucking dumb. What's that about? You don't get to just fucking do that.

I'm getting older. My vision's going. They're not prescription. They are. Don't come at me like you're wearing prescription glasses. I went to the prescription store and I got the glasses. I went to the church store and you bought some God, huh? Yeah.

Maybe you should do that. Maybe that's what you need is some fucking Christ in your heart, huh? Yeah. Maybe you should do that. Maybe that's what you need is some fucking Christ. Let the Lord in. In your heart. In your body. In your mind. I've been thinking about

going back to church. What's up, Ludwig? What do you got going on over there? Oh, he's busy. I'm trying to send something to Zipper. I said it before you guys started talking. Playing Angry Birds?

I said I had to send something to Zipper. You'd ignore it. He has a high score. It's not my fault. You guys don't know how to fucking pod. What are you talking about? I'm not a pod. I just knew that was the only thing that would tilt this guy.

Arguably the only thing I know how to do. You're the easiest human to tilt. Look, Zipper's got the fucking HDMI signal going. What the fuck is going on? It's a rough start right now. You can't only be good at interviews and podcasts. Can I airdrop? Oh, you don't?

Are they the same? Dude, I don't know how to send this. Zipper's a tech guy. Don't act like Zipper exists on the same plane that we exist on. Dude, speaking of gizmos and gadgets, you guys see the tweet I made? Yeah.

That guy had a sniper in my Uber. He did have the gizmo on him. That's a gizmo. I got in, and he has like a handicap sign on his thing, and I'm like, he looks like a veteran. So I'm like, maybe a veteran. I don't know. And I'm like looking. And I'm like, he looks like a veteran. So I'm like, maybe a veteran. I don't know.

And I'm like looking around. I'm like, oh, cool. He's got like a little charger. Got like all these little things around. This guy definitely drives Uber. Weirdly, he had a full laptop in like the back apartment. For your use? Did he have this?

Yeah, he had some sound speed in there. And then I look back and there's a sniper rifle on the floor of the Uber. A sniper rifle? A sniper rifle on the floor of the Uber. It's not a sniper rifle. It's a sniper rifle. It's a 22. It's such a California boy. It's a rifle with a scope. That's lib talk.

It's a rifle with a scope. All I'm saying is he should have had a background check before he put it in his car. Is that not weird? He said sound speed. And I thought about that's how British people who are like meth compliment it. The fucking sound speed. Sound speed. Yeah, so he had a fucking sniper rifle in his car.

He was the hit man. Yeah, he was Chris Kyle, Christopher Kyle. I was thinking about what if he's in some trouble, and mid-Uber drive, he's like, I'm going to need you to roll down that window. I'm like, what would he do if I fucking, if I towed it up? And I'm like, I'm like, you're taking me to In-N-Out before we go. You think he leaves it loaded back there?

I want to see you put the five stars in. What happens if I bring the bullets? We're in Arizona. Maybe I got them on me. When we went to the Walmart on the first night, because we went to go buy a bunch of like food and and camping shit there was a big section for airsoft guns and I

had this period where I was playing paintball and I thought it would be kind of cool to get into airsoft because I was just in a rural town a bunch of people were into airsoft and I was looking at the guns as if I would buy one and I was like this would be a terrible thing to show up to a Smash tournament with.

Yeah. Or any large gathering. No, no, no. I think at Smash Camp, it's fine. It's like the, it's like maybe the only, maybe the only tournament

where it would be fine. Oh, this is for bears. You can't bring your airsoft gun to Genesis. No. Yeah. I'm just saying Duke pulls up with an actual 45.

Yeah. No one bats an eye. That's a side event. Everyone's like, everyone's like, oh, dope. Yeah, that's just what, that's just saying Duke pulls up with an actual.45. Yeah. No one bats an eye. That's a side event. Everyone's like, oh, dope. What are you playing? That's just what Duke does. Duke Vitro shoots an apple off of your head. Oh, so we're doing doubles.

Yeah. In the fuck house, like Ben chanting on one side of the room, Ludwig with his apple on his head. You know what you do is Ben chugs a Michelob, and then before he finishes it, you have to shoot the bottle out of his hand. You know what? There is Ben chugs a Michelob, and then before he finishes it, you have to shoot the bottle out of his hand. You know what? There's not enough time. He's quick.

Because Ben's going zero to six faster than a Tesla. We're playing chug Michelob. We're playing shoot book. You pick up a book and you shoot. Yeah. You just got to hope. Shoot book. That was the first name they had for it, and they changed it.

It almost took off. It fell off pretty quick. Zuckerberg almost, almost went with that one. You know, Amazon's name, uh, like Bezos wanted to call it relentless.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And people called him a psychopath. People like, Hey Jeff, kind of weird. And he's like,

I'm bald. And then change. Hey Jeff, put the gun down. I want to call it relentless. That immediately made me think of is that I remember the first time I heard of Amazon as a kid was I went to Toys R Us to buy Mario Golf. And I wanted Mario Golf Toadstool Tour. And they didn't have it in.

But the guy said, oh, we'll order it from Amazon for you. And I'm just like less than 10 years old when I'm looking for this game. But apparently Toys R Us ordered in the game from Amazon. And he showed me what it was on the website, which seems weird. That is so weird. It does seem weird. But he said that. And then you bring this up, of course, years later.

I'm like, what if that man looked like a nine-year-old me in the eyes and was like, yeah, we'll just order it from Relentless. Order it from this great website called relentless kid now now we'll get you mario golf dude that reminds me uh i worked at bed bath and beyond actually something nick yingling and i share yeah we we so bed bath and beyond is interesting because like they have these customer service like what do you call it when it's a mnemonic device please excuse my dear aunt yeah amen my dear aunt sally and uh so there was one called got a pen and it's like the it's like seven things that you do to make sure a customer feels good so i'll go i'll go up to nick yingling sometimes be like got a pen bro he'd be like don't say that Do you remember what it stands for? G, get pussy.

Bro. And that's actually it. That's their whole thing is trying to get pussy. Get the customer off. Is it kind of cart? Dude, it's so- And so it's like code to tell an employee to- There's more got to pens.

There's other shit. Is it kind of just saying get off your ass? Pass the buck if you're in a spot where you just call your manager. Pass the buck. That was a good system. pass the buck if you're in a spot where you just like you just call your manager pass the buck that was a good system i passed the buckle dude one time i had fucking i had a we had name tags right and we had just like a label maker to because i had like 10 name tags that keep forgetting them and uh one time i made mine megaman and uh i was just wearing it all day and that's a big no-no because like literally where your name tag is like i think it's one of the god of pens and uh i got secret shoppered and and they said if you guys don't know secret shopper is someone

who's hired by the company to act as a customer and then judge the uh the like you know the experience in the store and like write a report and grade you and shit and uh i got my secret shop report back and it was like flying colors but there's like name tag said mega man and uh i mean you had to convince him that was your name no how fucking dare you i'm from hawaii my name is magamane if you fucking you see that old reddit thread of uh it might be 4chan where it's like a guy had to pretend he didn't know what potatoes were what you ever hear this one it was this guy he goes to like this uh dinner with his girlfriend's

family first time ever meeting him and he wants to run like a little joke to like let them think he's funny and so then he like they serve potatoes and he goes what's that but they don't like laugh and so like to dig out of it he really doubles down he's like no i have no idea what that is what's that shit and it just kind of simmers and eventually everyone blows up because they're like like you know what a fucking potato is and the dad's losing he's like i have never seen this in my life before this day my good sir yeah you know what my favorite green text i think is uh it's the one where it's like once it's it's not even a green text it's just like one time i had to fake a mental breakdown and smash my MacBook because my sister was looking at it,

and her and her boyfriend would have seen... My brother was looking at it, and he would have seen pictures I photoshopped of his girlfriend giving birth to me. It was something like that. That's tight. Anyway, so I'm at Bath & Beyond, and we did those orders.

That's what it reminded me of. It's like that weird guy who ordered you, like, dildos from Toys R Us to your house or whatever, got your address yeah i'll keep for years right yeah so we did the thing called beyond orders which is just like a boomer's like i want this shower curtain we're like we don't have it dude but we can like order it on a terminal a computer in the store for you you just literally sit there on the computer like it's amazon and you like, what's your name? And you fill it out. This one woman, she, I feel bad. But you know what? Time, you know what?

She deserved this one. Basically, she's like, I was like, what's your email? And she said, she like gives me all of her information. She kind of hesitates. And she's like, gotta love the cock at blank.com. Wow. And I'm like,

I mean, yeah. I didn't say anything. You were like, C-O-Q-U-E? Can you actually spell that? I just stared straight ahead. And I was like, that's crazy. How old are we talking? You should just change that.

She was probably a little older than me. I don't know. That is crazy. You could just make a different email. Yeah. They're easy to make. You could just have to. It's also crazy that the first time she was ever asked for it was at Bed Bath & Beyond.

Because you know the first time you're asked, you make a new email, right? Yeah, yeah. Probably she went home that day and was like, whew, I got it. Or maybe she revels in it. No. No way. She didn't look like she did. I'll say that. She was like, oh no. Right? Like, this sucks.

I gotta do this now. I have that on a micro scale because I used to use my AOL email. And that also gets you some blowback. Just having AOL. It is pretty fucking good. Oh yeah, you see someone who has fucking like rocket mail or whatever and you're like,

bro, what? You still use that for things? No, I stopped because that got hacked and that's how people got in my Twitter account and were threatening to leak nudes. Oh yeah, I'm going to go to your AOL.

I'm going to go to AOL.com right now. Go for it. Welcome back to the yard, everybody. Yeah, welcome back to the yard. It's Aiden's birthday. Happy birthday. Wait, wait, wait. It's Aiden's birthday. Happy birthday. Wait, wait, wait. Russia invaded Ukraine?

Shit. AOL's a little behind. Dude, this is crazy. We actually record the Yard podcast a month in advance. I don't think this is going to turn out too well. Happy birthday, Aiden. You're 25 now.

Yeah. That's so special. Yeah. Yeah. Who asked? Dude, this morning, I was sitting there in pure nirvana after having a Dutch Bros coffee because I didn't really have it in SoCal, and I'm just sitting there, and I remembered on my own independently, oh, it's Aiden's birthday.

I remembered. Good friend. Good friend. I immediately DM him. I go, happy birthday, Aiden. But then I go to Twitter right after I send it. I'm selling my phoneiden. I go to Twitter right after. He has just made a tweet that says it's my birthday today. I'm like, he's going to think I saw the tweet and immediately message him because I forgot.

I made sure to add to the message, I want you to understand that I remembered it was your birthday. You have to believe me. But I didn't see the tweet. I deleted that app off my phone. I muted you. Happy believe but i didn't see the tweet yeah i deleted that app off my actually i muted you happy birthday i don't even follow you that's how you know i didn't wow that's no that's good i i believed you so i needed no he's not the guy you ever need to convince of that you just be like happy birthday and he's like oh my friend said that i feel like he just lives his life so if you saw from the tweet he'd be like yeah that's what the

point of the tweet is that's like like, I don't even care. You suck, dude. As long as you said happy birthday either way, it's super fun. You're so fucking lame, dude. What the fuck? You're so lame. Be critical for once in your life of your friends. Of what? You want me to get more mad that you...

Yes. I just want you to care. Remember my birthday? Somehow, yes. You know what? You got there. I want you to punish You know what? You got there. I want you to punish me. You got there.

Because I'm a bad little boy. He's your sweet little bad bear. I'm a little bad boy. I need to be punished. Treat him like your sweet little bad bear now. Come on. I don't do it. I didn't want this for my birthday.

Nobody asked. You know what he wanted for his birthday? A week alone with Peepaw. A week alone with Peepaw. A week alone with Peepaw. Yeah, that's what I'm getting, apparently. What are you talking about? It's me and him alone in the mountains. What?

We're going skiing. We're going on a ski trip. I forgot about this. What? I do. I want to say before, I love that we're going on this trip. I think it's going to be a lot of fun. I'm going to meet Ludwig.

It was his special birthday wish. I'm going to meet Ludwig's friends from high school. It wasn't my birthday wish. He gave me the date. Did you not wish for it? I didn't wish for this. This is your special birthday wish. He did buy my flight as a gift though and I appreciate that. I know. You know what?

I was there. I was there when Aiden found this out. Ludwig's just lazy. He didn't do shit. Aiden's like, oh, just tell me where to Venmo the flight. Ludwig goes uh birthday gift no no I had this idea before you heard that

no cause I wouldn't have cause I bought a business class flight shut up it'd be crazy to ask for a Venmo back on a business class flight this is true

I will say Ludwig has never bought a flight more than two fucking days before it leaves the ground it's true it's insane this is what I was supposed to do

was give him the dates the big hang up though was that he give him the dates. The big hang-up, though, was that he told me the dates for this trip, like, months ago. So I plan out everything. Like, I list out the things that I have to do in my fucking, you know,

calendar or whatever and plan everything around that. I thought we were leaving Thursday. And as we are leaving for Smash Camp, he calls me. He's like, okay, I've booked our tickets we're leaving Tuesday morning which is

two full days before in my head we're leaving so like a bunch of shit I moved around like a bunch of shit this week to like make the trip happen which I'm very excited about but I do think it was funny that I found out that we're leaving on Tuesday

like three days ago can I say one thing no no Wednesday you're free by the way all day I mean we drive Wednesday but Wednesday was also just to see my mother I'm gonna say it TFTI today I found out that might be it actually I always didn't I found out that Pusha T wrote the McDonald's I'm loving it jingle you wanted an invite

actually I feel yeah I feel like it's just nice to hear alright you wanna come you know what

will this make you feel better about it he didn't invite me did you just happen to be in the room while he talked about it yeah he was just talking about it

and I was like oh can I go and then he was like yeah Aiden does that yeah that is how it went I didn't go up to aiden and i go so he didn't and then touch him on the nose you didn't do that you promised i like i like and i went it's me and you this week you know what's fucked up he fucked me too i'm getting swerved left right and center how did i fuck you oh shit wait what the... And the thing is, he goes, wait,

because he doesn't even have any idea, but he does know. There's a secret little dark soul inside of him that says, oh, shit. He reached out to me. Him. Amen, Gaiman. Amen reached out to you.

He reached out to me. He had his people contact my people. Okay. Which is me messaging him on Discord. Discord, classic. And he said, do you want to come with me to go up to Washington and see my family and hang out? And I was like, yeah, that sounds cool.

And then it's like a couple weeks later. I'm like, when is that? It's like a week later. It's like a week later. And he's like, oh, I'm not going. And I was excited about it. And you didn't even give a shit well while we're at it i'm it's just like you're going and then he what no one's inviting me to anything dude we just went on a thing we just did a thing we just did a thing yeah no but we went to a smash tournament that you would have gone to

whether or not i was there if you had bailed i would have bailed happy birthday that wasn't a thing untrue yo this is the nick things just be like yo nathaniel and then and then we just never talk about i i invited him i invited him you know yeah because my dad died he was trying to be nice because my dad died that's not why i invited okay well i did you then now you're mad i gave you an out why is he mad i'm mad i gave you an out i invited him because the last time uh my mom uh offered to have you for christmas so i just thought of you to invite you again yeah that's okay and my mom's not inviting so the my mom invited uh my mom my mom said you could bring any friends like you could bring anthony if you want because i think i suggested anthony at at christmas because

i thought anthony could come with us and then uh and then she said she would pay she would pay for the flights because mom i'm just saying this was no go ahead just say and then and then i canceled i canceled the week of because i realized like, fuck, this is really hard. The times don't really line up and the flights are really expensive. I don't want my mom to pay for them. I also low-key do not want to pay for them either. And I was like, this is just too hard to fit in. And then Anthony poked me about it and was like, we're not going to go.

But. I was upset. But I didn't let him know that. Actually, I'm handing off the blame. It's my mom's fault because she suggested Anthony specifically and not either of you two. So that's why I asked him. Yeah, take that, bitch.

Is that what you want? This is what you wanted to do, right? Yeah. Right? Yeah, that's what. They're going to watch. Tell her. You're going to have to say sorry.

I can't even say it. Say it, bro. Well, it's your fault i only brought it that's what amon made me my mom said i could only bring one friend so you guys can't come i'm sorry she's really weird about it it's too wholesome i know where i stand it's all good yeah you got fucking swerved left right and center by me like me just went to arizona no no fuck you tell me about it dude was it fun there is that so yeah we've talked about it so many times already we haven't said where we fucking went oh yeah we just went to Arizona together. No, fuck you, dude. Tell me about it, dude. Was it fun? Yeah, we've talked about it so many times already. We haven't said where we fucking went. Oh, yeah. But we went to Smash Camp, which is a Smash Brothers Melee tournament in Prescott, Arizona. It's like a camp where you go and you sleep in bunk beds and you learn how to have sex.

Well, yeah. Yeah, and there's a dance and you have to ask somebody to do it. It's kind of weird. There's a race class. Yeah, it's a bit of a hangout it's like if you if you actually wake up in time for bracket that's kind of a miracle uh because usually the night before you're like playing mario party or really drunk or something i i got dq'd from my bracket i definitely didn't make it i was at chipotle uh when i got called for my bracket just Just like the veterans. Just like the Marines. They were at Chipotle when they got the call. When 9-11 happened.

When the world needed the most. When Ja Rule rang the phone and said, I need you in New York. They were in Chipotle, and they said, no, Ja. Not today. It was really fun. I also saw Dark Aiden come out, which was awesome. Whoa, what's that? What happened? So Aiden had a really

rough day of L's. Dark Aiden also happens when he gets like six hours of sleep instead of seven. That's the crazy part because leading up to this day, I caught a cool 11 hours of sleep. I was like in

the zone. I slept in, I'm eating healthy. Aiden's been sleeping in a lot more recently than normal and at camp he slept in particularly late one day and we kept like people we'd go around camp people be like where's aiden and we'd be like oh he's still sleeping they're like still i'm like yeah he's in like and it got to like like 12 30 and and uh i got we did still so many times that me and I think it was, who was it? Me and Mike look at each other and we're like, maybe he's not okay. Because he like drank last night. So we were like, we should check if Aiden's like alive.

Yeah, maybe he's on his back. So we like run to the cabin and we're like not sure. Then we go, we wake him up and he's just like, oh, what? Yeah, it was a good thing. I'm like, hey, do you want to keep sleeping? That's okay, bud. Just want to make sure you're alive. He's like, yeah.

That wouldn't have checked. You wouldn't have checked? Let the chips fall where they may. Amen, brother. Amen. If he's gone, he's gone. That's not good. What do you mean it's not good?

If you're gone, you're gone. That's what you always said. Hey, do you want to come hang out with my mom? You, Nick? Do you want to come hang out with my mom? No, fuck you. I'm not going to be a person of circumstance. Come on.

It's me and you. It's always been me and you. It's always been me and you it's always been me imagine imagine her disappointment okay you show up with one of these you already go to see her by yourself all the time i know but it's nice to be with the whole family right can i call you can i call you son so aiden aiden has a day of just fucking back-to-back Ls where he almost comes up on his largest melee win of all time. Oh, yeah. He goes game three last stock with Squid.

Chocorino. And then loses. Cappuccino. He's pretty down bad. But then he goes to losers and plays against Ferris Wheel, who gives him an equal running. Wow. And then Aiden loses to Ferris Wheel. Who does Ferris Wheel play?

Falco. Actually, decently old-school player, friends with Millie. So you almost beat Squid, then lost to Ferris Wheel. Who does Ferris Wheel play? Falco. Actually, decently old school player. Friends with Millie. So you almost beat Squid, then lost to Ferris Wheel? To be fair, Ferris Wheel is also good, just not as good as Squid. But the games went exactly the same, which was just kind of silly. Because they went game three last talk. I think maybe the same stages.

Or the last stage or something. And he lost in the exact same way. And after he lost, I look over. Because I was watching the whole set. And Aiden looks the exact same way. After he lost, I look over because I was watching the whole set. And Aiden looks destroyed. I was like, I can't even go talk to him. I actually have to walk away. Yeah, that's rule number one.

You're always watching your boys. And then they lose. You just turn around and leave. Just disperse. You could try to cheer him up. No. Wow. He was really down bad. And I'm like, all right, I'll go somewhere else and I'll that. You could try to cheer him up. No. Wow.

He was really down bad. And I'm like, all right, I'll go somewhere else and I'll wait. And then he kind of comes out to where I left to and then immediately starts talking about it. So then we start talking about it. I'm like, damn, he's sad. Then we go climbing at the climbing gym and he brute forces like the same V2 for like an hour and never gets it. He's just like fucking squid. God damn it, squid. His mental is so low and he's getting worse and worse at it as the day goes on uh and then we go to the casino probably the wrong order

to do all this in and uh aiden i've never seen him like this he literally gave the dealer direct direct line access to his bank account and he was like i want you to type a number in and i want you to take it he goes he goes and he sits down and he wins one large hand he wins like a max bet hand blackjack blackjack okay so he sits down he wins one max bet hand and he kind of he's not even happy no he looks around he's just like fucking man he starts he starts pushing all of it i'm also really drunk everything he's won he just starts pushing and so he puts like a 400 bet in because he had he no it was a 500 bet because he played max bet and he doubled down he's a 500 bet in he loses it he has 400 left in his hands and then he puts it in he punts it he loses it and he puts his last

200 or whatever in and he punts it and he's out of money he's down like 900 and then he starts sitting there looking down and he just starts saying everything that happened to him out loud he goes like I couldn't get up the fucking wall and I fucking lost Ferris wheel I can't win money he starts saying everything and I'm like it's fucked where you're bringing it and then you're like

we're going to the gun range next he's like I'm not gonna do it I'm not gonna do it I'm not gonna do it it was just like fucking could beat fucking could beat squid could do the

V2 lost $900 I kept I basically I just max bet until I had no money I kept doing $250 what he said after I was like why'd you do that? He's like, I wish it all happened in one hand.

I wanted to put it all in. It does suck to, it's, it's like the, in Austin Powers when the guy gets burned. Will Ferrell. Oh yeah.

He's down there. Please! I'm very badly burned! That was Eamon. Yeah. It was just a, a heartbreaking day. i think like the way the way i lost the sets is what like hurt the most and then we just go and i can't do the

fucking easiest climb of all time and yeah you're the opposite of goaded and then we yes yes i which is what i've been telling you a lot go to than slime right now though have you ever done this? Yeah, this is fun. Have you done this? I'm the only one that doesn't climb, so I can't fucking... Hey, let's just find out raw human strength, though, real quick. I hate content, and I hate you.

What are we doing? I'm just going to show that Aiden's stronger than you right now. He climbs! He rarely climbs. He climbs. Wait, is he grip strength? Yeah, yeah. You're just like, your strength?

You're saying he's stronger? Than slime man? It's grip strength. Yeah, I know. It's not your whole strength, though. I did this earlier. It's your grip strength. Anyway're just like your strength. You're thinking stronger. Then it's slime. It's grip strength. Yeah, I know. It's not your whole strength, though. I did this earlier. It's your grip strength. Anyway, this is grip strength.

I mean, I could break his neck in five seconds. And how many pounds you can squeeze, Eamon, if you want to give her a nice squeeze. You want to do left or right? Whatever hand. I don't know. You tell me. Whatever hand you want to do, bro. I have a great John line up, by the way.

It's real hard. It'll show your max. Okay, you can let go now. What does it say? 89. 89? Yeah. Climb under?

84 was what I did last night. You could bust down to 90 right now. Really put your all in. That's actually cool because it's higher than when I did this the first time before I climbed. Oh, he's doing right.

Oh, what's up, bitch? Oh, 97! Wait, let me give right a crack. Let me give right a crack. All right. One more. That's what it took. One more?

Is it in the kitchen? You get two hands? Does it reset on its own? Yeah, yeah. In the kitchen? I hit like an 84. I'm like, yes, I just don't deserve anything in this world. You were moping.

Just me loving it. Hey, whoa, hit your left hand off. I saw that. I just touched 101. No, I didn't touch it. Left hand touch. You can't do that. I just touched 101. No, I didn't touch it. Left hand touch. You can't do that. Do it one more.

Bit of cap. Bit of cap. Get the slow-mo replay. For those, for audio listeners, this is a machine that tests your grip. You just squeeze real hard. 94.8. Dude, what was mine? That's great.

I guess, whatever. I can't remember. We're tied. Happy birthday. We're I can't remember. We're tied. Happy birthday, we're tied. Happy birthday, we're tied. You know, I'm so annoyed about this device because, so I bought one a while ago. And I go to Ludwig and I'm like, hey, dude, look at this cool thing. Because we just got into climbing.

I bought one. I'm like, what's this cool thing I bought? We can test our grip strength. And he's just like, and he just doesn't care. And then I'm like, oh, okay. And I just like do it. Me and Zipper do it. And we're like all into it. And then he messages me like yesterday. he's like, doesn't care. And then I'm like, oh, okay. And I just like do it. Me and me and zipper do it. And we're like all into it.

And then he messages me like yesterday, dude, look at what I bought, bro. When you come home, you've got to try it. And I'm like, bro, I, I did this already. I have one already. What is wrong with you? And he's like, I forgot. I forgot. He's like him.

And this, this is his thing. He does. He does this all the time to me where he just goes like, I show him something. He doesn't fucking care. And then he finds it on his own later and then he shows me all excited and i'm like yeah man whatever dude i forgot yeah you shouldn't it's like actually i get mad at amon it's it's because amon's not acutely aware of conversations that happen like three feet and like in his vicinity and then he'll always be like wait what's going on and i'm like i got a

recap to him and i hate recapping bro yeah i hate it nick had to explain this to somebody i'll get unreasonably mad i forget who it was i would like explain this phenomena to somebody dude of me getting mad or not if you're really funny that happened at camp was uh so i'm like i'm like berating aiden about something i'm like going pretty hard on him. And then I think Yingling is like, damn, dude, leave Aiden alone. And I'm like, you don't get it. I can't make fun of him at home anymore

because Slime goes too hard on him. I have to be nice to him at home. Do I? And I was like... You gotta balance me out? Yes, yes. But... That's why I always say Aiden sucks.

And so I was... And I'm like, I'm so much nicer to Aiden at home now because Slime gives him the 100% of the bar and I can't add to 150. But now that he's not here, bitch. Bitch, get over here now the floodgates open yeah i can get bullied on friday show up fucking take my day of

l's on on saturday fucking fly out of the prescott airport which is already at all yeah which is the smallest airport known to man has one gate no, and no maintenance crew at an airport, which is crazy. Yeah, they'll fly. Hey, your flight is delayed by three hours because a plane needs maintenance and they have to come from Phoenix to do that, so we just gotta wait. And you decided to deal with that.

Yeah. Sounds like a tough weekend. Yeah, it's a great weekend. You know what sucks about this is I actually had a wonderful time. I had a wonderful time, too. I actually had a wonderful time. I got you a surprise gift. What is the surprise gift? That can cheer you up. This fucking shit?

No. It's Zipper. Can you run it? What? You got something cute? Hey, Zipper, spin that shit. This is good. Okay.

Another song. I woke up Aiden's cringe. I waited Aiden's cringe just to figure out that Aiden is cringe. Dude. Okay, another song. You bought that? Dude! Dude! Dude! is really cringe cause Aiden's cringe Aiden's cringe Aiden's cringe dude Aiden's cringe

Aiden's cringe because he's smoking weed Aiden is very cringe Aiden's cringe wait wait wait what what the fuck wait wait wait what what the fuck oh shit we're getting into it now boys no no way

you know what the lyrics are where the fuck did you get this made did you just go on fiverr and get somebody to fucking make this? Dude, just sing along. No, I'm not gonna fucking sing! It's my birthday. Shut up. Nobody asked. Listen to the music.

You are not part of this. Shut up. Wait. 34 minutes past the hour on 107.9. The George waiting. A little bit of a smooth Christmas track. You're a psycho, dude. You're a fucking psycho.

How did you guys not tell me about this? Just a little bit of a smooth Christmas track for you on 107.5 The Jordan. Yeah, I hit a... Why is like one in every eight lines about smoking weed? It's all you do is be crazy and smoke weed. I hit up XX Girlfriend. Had them spin this up. And DJ spin that shit.

Is there more? Oh, yeah. Just a couple. Just a couple. This one's my favorite one. Dude, there's so many. This is a choir. They got a fucking choir dude dude you fucking peaked man

This is my favorite classical piece like your most of us are yeah, yeah, it's cringe by Mozart. Yeah, yeah Really Wolfgang really snapped on this one. I wonder who his inspiration was. Who was his Aiden? It's hard to think about, right? It was so long ago. But then you think that it wasn't that long ago either. Yeah, it wasn't. In the grand scheme.

This is amazing. All right, final song, final song. I'm so conflicted. Just one final. Final. This is one final. It's coming home? God, it's coming home, dude.

We're at the football game. This is what played when England lost the Euro final. It played on you and the few years you spent. That is so fucking funny, man. You didn't know about that? I thought you did. No, I didn't tell. No one told me. I only told you about it.

Yeah, we listened to it on the way when we went and saw Batman, and I was like, this is good. This is art. Thank you. That's all Ludwig. Did you pick the songs? Yeah. It was funny.

I just sent XX a message. I'm like, I have an idea for Aiden's birthday. I just want to make like professional songs of him being cringe. And they're like, okay, what songs? And I just gave a list. And I was like, I don't know. Fucking Lacrimosa. I asked him what his favorite.

Because I sing all the time. You don't know. like aiden's cringe with any song usually simple plan uh but i asked aiden one time what his favorite was and he said mute city you like that one yeah because it's just because i guess it just gets fast paced yeah the lyrics don't keep up mikey mikey also did his own rendition of this in the Discord. Really? So Mikey took the instrumental from Mute City and fucking sang, Amen is great. Oh, he did? Yeah. Amen is great. I remember that.

That's buried in the Discord somewhere. That's two geniuses coming to the same exact solution. Yeah. And so then, yeah, I just sent that message. Wow. And originally, I was going to sing on it maybe a month later, because I did it like a while ago. XX DMs me the final song.

And I'm like, okay, this is just perfect. You should post that in the Patreon Discord. Oh, yeah, for sure. That's good shit. Holy shit. So happy birthday. Yeah. Thank you.

That's big. Send that to your mom. And ask her if I can come over. Okay. Wait, let me see if i can hear that oh you know what dude xx is so funny because they're just like this source of like musical ability for us to do fucking tap into with our friends yeah i made this for our friend david video waffles uh i didn't make it i tried to make make it, and I was like, I can't do this. XX, do you have the skill?

I'm like a DMCA. Hold on. Open. Open an iMovie? No, I got you. I got you. Open an iMovie. Audio jungle.

How do you do it? Audio jungle. Audio jungle. Download. Dude, iPhones fucking suck, bro. You think it's not user error? You think this is... Yeah.

You think this is Apple really fucking you over right now? No, because it's an MP3 file in Discord. The biggest marvel of the 21st century is definitely on them. I'm so mad. Slime can't play a song and he's like, Apple, man. They're fucking devices. They're fucking... Let's talk about Biden's American gas.

They're tracking us. I'll just say what it is it's fucking uh it's adam's song by blink 182 but it's the line give all my things to all my friends repeated infinitely only line and so give all my things and it's over no and even the chorus yeah and give all the thanks to all my friends so we've been doing this dumb shit for a while yeah it just it just changes hands of what we speak about. Yeah, and now it's in Amen is cringe. Yeah.

And it's hard to get away from that one. This is a long era. And I want to talk to you about your weed smoking problem. It's a dynasty, if you will. Bad for us. I turned down weed so many times this weekend. Did you? I turned down Molly this weekend.

Why? No, you know what? He turned down Molly, and then we're driving to the casino, and he goes,? I turned down Molly this weekend. Why? Why? No, you know what? He turned down Molly and then we're driving to the casino and he goes, maybe I should have taken the Molly. When he's down bad. When he's down bad.

And I'm like, no. Maybe I do need to overcorrect my sadness with drugs. I think that's what I need to do. Hey, we can talk about your drug addiction. What? Your drug addiction. He played a little Valorant this weekend.

Bro. He got back on the horse. Dude, at Smash Camp, there was people talking about your Valorant streams. Hold on. This is the reality check for me. After being in Smash for so long and it being this thing that is so important to us, this esport that we care about, we hope people watch it, we hope people get involved in it,

I tune in on day one of smash camp the stream has 850 viewers which is low and then i scroll up my twitch feed and anthony has almost 2 000 people watching him play valorant solo playing in silver elo valorant with his shirt on his head and i'm like oh too much has changed People give updates about your Valorant like the war In Ukraine It's still going We don't know if we'll make it back There's like a Sky News piece about like

Them checking in his room Dude well we fucking I'm like you know what it's the freaking Weekend baby gonna have me some fun But you guys Are gone it's me and Ludwig and Cutie. So it's basically girls night all night. Right, right.

And if you guys don't know, girls night is... There's this line. We talked about it in the pod, right? There's a girls night episode. Just to reiterate, there's a line in Valorant, which is like if there's Viper, Raze, and like Sky on the same team. Reyna on the same team. Yeah, okay.

A bunch of women. And Raze gives this line. It's like, hey, hey, Reyna on the same team yeah okay a bunch of women and Rey gives this line it's like hey hey Reyna whatever fuck it's so corny

and she's like girls night and I heard it once and we were playing and I was so fucking angry because I'm like I have to hear this stupid fucking

cornball fucking cheese dick fucking line I'm fucking losing this goddamn game can't be as good as my friends well I think maybe girls night

so I'm just screaming it so it was girls night it was girls night thanks for explaining girls night girls night holds up by the way i was i was the the problem with girls night is over the course of the following month and a half at any given moment during the day slime would explode like a bomb but the bomb was yeah yelling girls because it because it was that it just was that anyway i fucking i'm like you know what i'll play some valorant like maybe i'll maybe i'll climb higher i'm gold i i lose two games immediately lose that i'm back down to silver coots decides he's like hey you won't play with coots i'm like yeah i'll play with coots coots gets on me and ludwig duo we win one lose like three lose two are you are you on stream no no i was

off stream i was i was streaming but he was just in the stack hold on okay well i'll explain why i played a slime because he hold on lovely really quick i just want to add ludwig said that he would never play valorant with me off stream because it's a waste of time i i think why do you hate him this is the episode where every all my friends don't like me apparently i said that because it was nick and i didn't want to hang out with him with you it's different i asked my mom about you coming over and she said no yeah well the thing that would be weird about that is i'd have to stay longer because i'm going there before you are. Yeah. It's just a lot of time to hang out with my dad. The reason why

I played with him is because Simon's been doing this thing where every morning he wakes up and he goes, any hungers? Yeah. And he'll drop like

people Pepe emotes. No, tell him which one. I don't remember all the time. He drops, he drops the Pepe drinking a juice box and crying. Yeah.

So Anthony comes in. Anthony's been doing this. It didn't start like that, though. And asks any hungers again. It started like any hungers, but he'd say it like 9.30. No one's awake here. Everyone wakes up at like 10.30. That's not true, you fucking stupid idiot liar.

Some of them were early. Some of them were early. No one is awake. And you'd say any hungers. You wouldn't get any answers. 1.18 PM. Any hungers? Sad juice box.

Sorry, I shouldn't have asked. Sad juice box. No, this is the last one one i'm trying to explain and give some context you've been doing this for a while i've also usually i've only been asked if asleep or in arizona yeah yeah that's what i was that's what i was thinking when when you asked in the chat at like 1 30 because it was like, me and Nick are gone. Ludwig probably streaming. So you're asking, cutie. I'm sending this to Zipper as evidence of a fucking forgotten era and a ruined world.

So he's been doing it for a while, and he's been getting done a while. And when he gets done a while, at first he would wait 30 minutes, and then be like, okay, no hungers, fuck me. I'm going to kill myself. And then he'd wait 15.

And then the most recent ones, he'll like send any hungers, and then within a minute, he'll be like, okay, I guess not. Yeah, because I know the to kill myself. And then he'd wait 15. And then the most recent ones, he'll send any hungers. And then within a minute, he'll be like, okay, I guess not. Yeah, because I know the answer, bro. You crazy kids hungers, you young, wild, and free Americans. This is just you and Cutie. The context is, this is the group chat, but me and Nick are gone.

And he knows that. So he's just asking. Sometimes people are hungers, but they won't be hungers with me. So they don't say anything, even though they are hungers. is the group chat but me and nick are gone and he knows that so he's just asking sometimes people are hungers they won't be hungers with me so they don't say anything even though they are hungers and then the sad people g which is just a sad frog writing a note and so then another thing but i think you said it was just friday morning you're like oh just me and ludwin under just just me and you i'm screaming this in the in the house's just me and you, and you're just saying that. You're like, you're not going to fucking hang with me, dude.

All you fucking do is fucking work shit. And then I was like, you know, he's right. And so that's when I came back later that night, and I came into your room. I was like, you want to play Valorant, bud? And that's why I played Valorant with him. I'm so tilted. But wait, is it still not a waste of time? It's the same.

No, because you had expressed that we'd have been hanging out, and I couldn't do the hunger thing. This is all I'm expressing to him when I say this. And he goes like, no, it's a fucking lame waste of time it's the same because you had expressed we'd have been hanging out and i couldn't i couldn't do the hunger this is all i'm expressing to him when i say this and he goes like no it's a fucking lame waste of time we go rock climbing it's different we don't we actually don't but we could no because you know what he does because he goes rock climbing without me because if i'm not in the room when he decides to go he doesn't ask and then he goes there you know he doesn't and that would that wouldn't hurt because i know what he's like if i didn't know that he messages stands on the way no you want to go climbing because dan showed me and i said that's crazy because i'm here and he asked you to come today but he didn't ask me to go today dude i've also asked him several times where he is free and he goes ah dude i gotta go with zipper two tonight. Can you go with any night climbers? So? Any night climbers? And that's happened like eight equals a lot of times.

No, fuck you. Oh, oh. And I said I'll never night climb in my life. Bing, bing, bing. Yes, fight. Yes, it doesn't involve me. All right, squeeze off, squeeze off, squeeze off. It's a squeeze off.

You're actually gonna lose. Settle in the squeeze off. He's extremely strong. I went rock climbing yesterday. I'm gonna be so weak. No, you're gonna be strong. All right, rip it. And Nick is squeezing,

and he's squeezing as hard as he's ever can in his whole goddamn life. Keep that other hand. He's squeezing hard. Jesus Christ. He's squeezing so hard. And he hits a... 117.8. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Unless something terrible happens to Ludwig right now. He's a lot stronger than I am. I saw what he did in the kitchen, yeah. I'm actually kind of worried about this. I don't think this should dictate whether or not I'm wrong. 148.2. That's the highest I've ever

got it ever. He's pretty strong. I do like how our biggest strength comes out when we're furious at each other. I actually tried several times and I capped at 130. I'm kind of hype on that. Yeah, that's great. That's great. Hey, another W for Ludwig. That's straight up triple cutie. Yeah, she sucks.

See me in my prime, dude. You win this round. See me in my prime. Dark envy. Oh, you know what I did? I went fucking... Mike was here. You guys already left, but Mike was here because he was going to get a flight with Yan. And he left on like Friday, so he spent the night.

And he's just kind of hanging out. We went skateboarding. And I hit an ollie first day out of the Fed. So that's been... I haven't skated since I broke my arm like seven years ago. And then I hit an ollie first day out of the Fed. So that's been, I haven't skated since I broke my arm like seven years ago. And then I hit an ollie first day, so we're there. And then we went to play pinball. And I fucking, you know what?

It was the opposite of Aiden's day, because I just had a train of Ws. That's great. No, that's cool. I love that. I fucking, I nail an ollie after a couple hours. And then I fucking, we go play pinball. It's this night we're on Elm Street Cab. The game bugs out.

I get a free ball right away. I'm like, what the fuck's going on here? I play for another 10 minutes. The game bugged, but I hit this 500 million over the first place score, popping SEX. I'm just gang, dude. It was crazy. What I'm saying is I went out

and had fun with a friend, which is hard for me to do. I had the same amount of W's on the day Aiden had all the L's. So me and Millie got fifth in doubles at the event. That's a classic. And we had some good wins in the bracket. And the way I put it to Millie is like, hey, we performed

the best out of every duo of one top player and their friend yeah that's great uh and then we it's all love no business but i went to the casino i went up 1300 and i was fucking like let's fucking go the highest i've ever been up at a casino uh then we went rock climbing i i flashed a v4 i was feeling good about that uh and aiden's telling me about his day and i'm like bro i can't relate yeah blood for the blood god i'm just a king today ever everything went right you need to take more l's so that we can eat that's just that's just the world balancing out you know what i did do in arizona though

i i summoned aiden because aiden left and it was just uh me and eric for a day and uh press get arizona at night there's you're not gonna eat food unless you have it in your house nothing everything's closed it's a fucking wasteland but or you can shoot a pig in the head that you yeah or you could take your gun that you're allowed to just fucking point at people for fun and uh shoot a pig in the skull and so what me and eric did the only thing that we could do is uh uber ourselves as people to an in and out but what we also learned is that at midnight in prescott arizona there's no one driving uber even though there's like a pretty big college there uh so i was like very surprised by that so all of our ubers are being like they literally this never happened to me

because i live in los angeles we called an uber and it was pending for like 15 minutes and then it just shut off it just like stops trying it doesn't even tell you just stops trying and i was like wow okay no drivers and i was i was trying to go to the casino i kept trying to like go to the casino with an uber and it wouldn't pick me up and then at like around like 12 30 we finally get an uber and this lady picks us up and uh bless her heart she's very sweet um but we're in the uber and i was like you know what you know what aiden would do right now talk to the uber driver so i i go how was your night ben and we just start we we open those big conversation me and the uber driver and eric's kind of just like like there and uh and i'm like asking i'm like oh you have kids what do they all do and she's telling me what all our kids do and

she's so excited she is like she's like glowing to share this information because like she she clearly has never gotten to share any of this with anyone. And I'm like – and she was like – she just told me how she just got back from like a cruise. I'm like, oh my god, so cool. I don't care about cruises, but I'm like, that's so cool. Like where did you go from? It's like great. I asked because I have a podcast anyway. Tell me something interesting about you because this is fucking making me lose my mind.

If you need to make something up, that's fine. Yeah, so you're being like really boring. I actually asked you for like something cool. Let me give you some topics. Yu-Gi-Oh! Mushrooms. Shingles. But she was very topics. Yu-Gi-Oh! Mushrooms. Shingles. But she was very sweet.

She was very excited to talk about her life. And then I was like, hey, could you actually take us through the In-N-Out drive-thru and then take us back? And then I'll add the— Wait, so you didn't say that at the start? She didn't know that until partway through the drive? Because basically you have to call another Uber. I was too nervous to ask for it at first. We had built a rapport. And so I'm'm like i'll add the destination like i'm not

gonna just ask you to do that and not pay you more i'm like i'll add the destination but are you cool doing that she's like yeah sure and then we go through the drive-thru and she's like she's like kind of looking at the menu like she's excited and i'm like we'll get whatever you want it's on me and i bought her i bought her dinner sweetheart well not like that it could be our kid soon it wasn't like that it It was just being nice. That's weird, man. I wouldn't do that. Then we got into another Uber, and I talked to that Uber driver, too. And the whole weekend, I was just doing an Aiden social experiment where I just lived

life like Aiden. They're in-pilled. Both of them. They're in-pilled now. The social network. And then I got into the Uber that had a sniper in it, and I didn't talk to that guy. The fully charged sniper rifle,.50 cal. Dude, you know what's funny is that same like exact

thing happened to me and zeke in detroit i talked about a little bit when we did that bathroom podcast that i put on the patreon but long story short is like we there was nothing open except the white castle in detroit and it's just like it was just the stinkiest meat like you could ever in your body dude it was fucked up we got like a 30 rack of those little burgers and we ate a bunch and then we just farted in the room all night while watching Ridiculousness

and then in the morning it smelled so bad that I was like, let's just get a different hotel room. Like, I have a lot of money. Did I tell you guys this? Your Patreon dollars

part at work. No, I'm not kidding i was like zeke we don't need to stay that is upton sinclair's the jungle yeah you lived it this is like that video you posted of atrioc and somebody somebody in the replies to that was like the way he asks if you're filming at the end proves that you do this without the camera all the time. And it's like, what, you thought he was fucking faking it? They always think I'm fucking faking the funk. Dude, I'm not. I'm just really not. I'm fucking

the realest shit you've ever seen. I got the fucking best mark shots in the fucking world. I fucking love me. No, but the thing is, the hotel we stayed at already smelled stinky bad. Right. It smelled like meth. But then you fucking contributed. But then, yeah, We like ate a 30 rack and then we started just fucking,

we started gassing the place and it was gross. And we couldn't handle our own stink. Damn. And so anyway. You couldn't handle your own funk. What was I trying to say?

Oh yeah, so how we got to the White Castle was the only place open in like the metropolitan Detroit area. Detroit's cringe. Which is fucking whack. Just, can we sell it? Baby shot it watching can we can we sell the city are you talking about like downtown

detroit where big house is yeah like near the airport and stuff yeah that it's it's a ghost town it's so weird ridiculous and so anyway we're like we're starving and because we just both got off planes and then so we order we we get an u. We go to this place that says they're open on Google Maps, and they're not. And the lady in there is really nice. We're just talking to her in general. She's like, you know, I think White Castle is open. That's probably where you guys, you know, would go. I'll take you.

We're like, okay, sure. She's like, tell us about her family. Same thing. But it wasn't, like, hard to talk to her because, like, we're just in the middle of nowhere. And you know what's funny when that happens. Uber sends you a message. I didn't know this. So we're like, hey, your driver's like taking you a different place.

Are you OK? Are you being killed? Yeah. This comes from the opposite scenario where the driver is a man and the passenger is a lone woman. Yeah. He's like, no, I know a shortcut. Yeah.

And then Uber is like, hey hey press this button to fucking strike this person with a satellite laser which is kind of cool um and so and so like i tell like yeah it's okay it's all good and then um we go to white castle she ends the ride and she's like i'll just take you guys back like i don't care like she and what she said the reason i brought this up she's like i'm just trying to like my husband's been home because he works at like the Ford place and he he's been home he like works two weeks on

and two weeks off and he just got back and I just don't want to be at home with him oh gee but she said it in a real fun way

so it was more like a ah my wife type of thing right but I was still like she's still not home I was like

you just don't want to be at with your family and so you're just driving two crazy kooky kids around getting white castle and she's like you're like fuck it i can start ripping someone here you want to end that shit right now i had a guy i had a guy one time in seattle who drove maybe the largest truck i've ever seen. And he was just doing like city Uber drives in Seattle. And I was kind of, I asked him about like, how do you make money like driving a car like this? Because it's like the least gas efficient vehicle you could possibly drive.

And he's just like, I don't. I'm just bored. I just like driving. Yeah, some people are just bored and want to do things. I get that. That's me. I'm Vespa pilled. I'm Vespa-pilled. You are Vespa-pilled, dude.

The closest I've ever been to Ludwig. This has happened recently. I'm actually happy where you are fully utilizing the gift to the extent that you said you would. I catch Ludwig walking outside and I'm about to go get food and I'm like, an opportunity to hang out with my friend Ludwig. I do that and he doesn't do it to me. And I see Ludwig and I go,

Ludwig, would you like to go to your favorite sushi restaurant right now? And he goes, only if we could take my Vespa. And I'm like, me on the back, you on the front? He's like, mm-hmm. So I rode to sushi, and I held on. Oh, yeah, you talk about this. I held on, not on the podcast. Yeah.

Did I? Yeah. No, no, this is just a joke. I told you this directly. Oh. I was like, this definitely happened like four days ago, so it could not have. So I'm holding

on to ludwig's tender body we're talking we're bond bonded maybe the most we ever had we're having a great conversation on the thing and uh after we get food i ask him if we can get coffee like how you gonna hold on to it i'm like i'm holding on to you and so i'm holding in one hand got my right hand on his on his left pec and then uh he asked me he's like uh can you check the time and i'm like you're asking a lot you know that and he's like, can you check the time? And I'm like, you're asking a lot, you know that? And he's like, yeah, I know that. Take my hand off. I have no hands on Ludwig now. Instead, it's my gripping thighs.

I'm gripping both my thighs around Ludwig's fat, juicy, dumpy ass. Yeah. And I'm checking the time with the coffee in one hand. And yeah, I got gorilla grip down there. And it was the closest I felt to him in a long time. That was me when I was nabbing us in Italy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Since seeing his butthole, I think this is the closest I've felt. Yeah? Well, that's not a feeling. It's more of like a... Oh, for you, maybe. For me, it was very visceral. It's like evocative. Do you feel it when Sauron points his eye at you?

You do feel it. It's more like a piercing pain. This is my new way to connect is the Vespa. I took it out for the first time. How was that? I was scared. It's kind of a, it's an awkward vehicle to operate. I was a little scared.

I don't think Vespas are intuitive. No. Definitely not. I ripped it through a hiking trail. Almost fucking died. Really? Whoa, what? You didn't tell us this?

Yeah. No, it happened a few days ago. You're not supposed to take it out of the hiking trail. It's not a dirt bike, bro. I like ripping it at sunset, right? And so I was riding around. But I like hitting a new spot every day. Just go to Japan.

It's not a dirt bike, bro. Just move to Japan. Well, I know. So I was ripping, and then I saw a hiking trail. I was like, it doesn't seem bad. And I'm going through it, and it's not bad going over the dirt. It's fine. It goes through fine. It's just not what it's meant bad. And I'm going through it and it's not bad. Like going over the dirt. Like it's fine. It goes through fine.

It's just not. And the path is just long. And I'm like, and I'm like, I've been doing this for a while. And then I'm there for maybe like the sun's like already set. I was supposed to like go through it all. And it's like, it's like getting kind of dark out. And then it goes, it's going uphill. And I'm like, okay.

She's like, she's like powering, but she's doing fine. And then I get like towards the end of it. And it's like a real big hill. And I'm like, and then it goes., but she's doing fine. And then I get like towards the end of it and it's like a real big hill. And I'm like, and then it goes and then it's just spinning in the dirt. And so I'm like, okay, I step off. And then I'm like lugging this up and I'm like decently strong. It's really heavy. But I'm like, I'm like, okay, this is, this is a lot.

And so I'm like pushing it, pushing it, pushing it. And I'm like thinking for a moment, I'm like, no one finds us here. You got to go down. No, I just pulled it all the way up with my fucking muscles. No, what I'm saying is you have to go down the hill. No, I went up. I lugged that bitch up the hill. But eventually you have to drive.

No, no, no, no. The hill. Sorry, the hill connects to a road. It's connected to a road. I see. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was not like the top of the hill was like the end, and then it's a hiking.

No. It was a hiking trail that connected to a main road. You know the scar right here on the side of my eye? I was riding on the back of an ATV. It was just this rich person's family that my mom knew, kind of. I think they did drugs together. But I was hanging out, and this guy's driving me and this other kid around on an ATV. It's real dark.

It's late at night. I'm 12. And he goes up. He's hammered. He goes up this hill, this dirt hill. And it's the same thing. We're just like, it's not going to make it. No.

And all of a sudden, we start tipping backwards. And I'm holding on to this guy on the back. Yeah. And so it falls on us and it like cuts my face. And the guy like with his drunk brute strength, like Ryu throws it off of us and it flies down the hill. It's so tight. I get the wind knocked out of me. I think I'm going to die.

I'm literally calling out to this guy. I'm like, I love you, mom, because I thought I was going to die. And my face was all fucked up. I wore an eye patch for like the last month of sixth grade. That's crazy. Did you give people a reason? Well, do you have pictures of you in the eye patch? I want to see that.

It was gross, though, dude. I think I got burned at some engine component because it was cut. And then it was like a big, big... Oh, it was crazy. But I still got the mug. We're good. Yeah, you got there. I flipped a snowmobile once. It's not a good story,

but I did that shit once. It's scary. You flip it? You land it? No. I just like... There's like two roads, like one going up

and one going continuing straight and I went over middle on accident. I was trying to go left and I went over the middle and it flipped it. A barrel rolled it and I jumped off middle on accident. I was trying to go left and I went over the middle and it flipped it. A barrel rolled it and I jumped off.

It probably would have looked cool on camera. Yeah. But it felt scary and terrible. You were like Metal Gear. I was like Metal Gear. I wish you guys played Metal Gear, man.

I got crashed into. But you never like crashed your car yourself? No. I'm a good driver. Well, okay. And goaded. You can like crash a car

and have it not be your fault I got in the cringiest car crash once what was it I was driving from uh Aiden the car yeah

cause Aiden was there it was actually nothing else I got t-boned no I was uh I was having a crash back from uh just there don't like me

don't like you happy birthday fucking hate you he crashed your ride to Starbucks. It is cringe. We'll play the song again. Keep piping up.

Play the song again. I didn't say anything. I was going from South Carolina to New Hampshire. Straight shot. 13-hour drive. Straight shot. You need straight shot. No turns.

Doing a racist speed run. Zero turns. He fucking lined it up. He fucking lined it up. He checked the fucking yaw. He was like GeoGuessr with that shit turns he fucking lined it up he fucking lined it up he checked the fucking yaw he was like geoguessr with that shit he fucking

ripped it up thing is I lined it up I blindfolded gas break that's all I was allowed cause you knew I knew

and I was I was doing it and uh and I get maybe like maybe like 10 hours 9 hours in like pretty deep

into the ride it got a little extended cause traffic is more like 15 hours and I went in, like pretty deep into the ride. It got a little extended because traffic is more like 15 hours. And I went to Panera Bread, got one of their delicious half and half combos. Also, fuck Panera, just so we remain neutral.

Yeah, that's fair. They have rat piss in their milk. Okay. It's honestly not that bad compared to what you can say about Riot. Drink piss. And Riot is a sex cabal. Terrorists.

I've been saying. Try out the new Walkhart bread bowl. I'll wait till you show me. Anyway. Yeah. So I'm leaning over to eat this delicious

Panera sandwich that might have piss in it from a rat from a rat. A rat piss person that might. And as I lean over, my foot slightly

comes off the brake and I tap the car in front of me and i'm like and i'm like i'm like but i'm like hoping maybe he doesn't notice because there's love kisses all the time when people are parking it goes green because we're at a red light and he just fucking doesn't move and i'm like yep pulls over and i'm like oh maybe all right but i don't that'd be cringe so i pull over and he calls the cops and i'm like what oh my god yeah he went through the whole he called the police well it's what you're supposed to do if you get an accident you're supposed to call the cops um and and we have to fucking have the police there he's like hey you just want to just go

to cover the damage like 200 bucks yeah blue bucks. Yeah. It's blue. Car accidents, blue. What a waste of fucking tax dollars. Yeah, for the police? At least, the least I could do is just like fucking let you try out a theft. You have to call a cop. They should at least

come and shoot one of you. That's what I was saying. Like, what the fuck are they doing? Yeah. If we're gonna be paying for the murder state, then like,

you shouldn't be dead right now. One of the chamber, me and you, Officer Buckney. That would be hype that's how fender benders are settled yeah coin flips yeah no you just duel for your life duel duel duel say nothing alexander hamilton duels for every fender bender yeah uh what were you gonna say about him calling riot yeah so on the topic of that's good i was thinking about how Anthony, you know, thinks that Riot is involved with the CIA and sex terrorists.

No, no. They might be, but I whistle blew them to the CIA. Right. By filing a report. But what if they're involved? What if they're already involved? Then, hey, this goes all the way to the top. The vice president.

Right. Yeah, I think they're involved in overthrowing some of the south african countries i started thinking about how you used to co-stream vct and like other riot events and how you don't anymore do you get asked i don't get asked what what actually no There is a VCT event right now. I was just wondering if you still got asked and then you've been saying no. I haven't been asked in a minute. You haven't? No.

Wow. Well, have you been invited to Riot's Fun Island? They usually send you a letter every year. You get like an owl delivers you a letter. You're telling me you're not getting invited to the Fun Island anymore you love that place fun islands yeah yeah i haven't invited lately look here's the thing i actually saw that richard lewis article dude because because sean gares sean gares and ddk aren't uh casting anymore and it was like i i was we were talking about it in me and aiden were and i was like this is kind of weird because they're so goaded.

And then Richard Lewis drops this crazy article where he's just shitting on Riot. The article is insane. That's so tight. I'm not the biggest fan of that guy, but it's very editorial. It's basically unironically saying the stuff that I have been saying ironically on my stream. He's been watching your stream like, yes. Richard Lewis wrote a real article accusing

them of what Anthony has thought it was funny to believe. Not being pedophiles, but being like a very, very corrupt cabal of somewhat lizard. Overthrowing the Hawaiian government. I'm reading this and I'm like Jesus Christ maybe I gotta chill out

you're fine now because he kind of took the heat off I always think it's funny about Richard Lewis is like he has that he has such a scathing way with his words like he like that article is written with such a vicious tone with a vengeance with but he

he was the best talent i've ever worked with in esports really none oh yeah he was great for he was a sweetheart he was really kind he was on his fucking shit the entire time absolutely the best talent i've ever worked with so it's so funny to see the fucking the juxtaposition of like richard lewis being villainized online and him being kind of an asshole on Twitter and then also being like the favorite talent I've ever worked with. Right. Yeah. Well, that's why I felt when I saw DDK and Sean like just say, hey, we're not fucking commenting anymore because I was like, man, working with those guys was just a treat.

They're just so great. They're so nice and they're goaded at what they do. Dude, I thought it was about money at first, but it's not. Did you see Sean? Sean said he would do Iceland for free, and they still didn't hire him. So weird. Well, I don't think they'd ever let that happen, right? Esports Doug is taking one more button down. Yeah, but at the very least, right, he could be matching the baseline rate

of whoever the lowest paid caster is at the event, right? And I think that's where I started thinking about it more, and I'm like, shit, maybe this stuff has a merit i'm just saying what if i can't get out of gold which i hit again after losing eight games in one fucking night yeah it took me like 13 to get there after losing eight which just makes sense right you pieces of shit but i'm just saying if i don't get the rank that i deserve maybe i call up another government agency interpol i don't get the rank that i deserve maybe i call up another government agency interpol i don't know who scares you i don't know who scares you maybe like a china like ccp that's what i was thinking like they're 10 cents back actually yeah yeah because then they

can put the heel on 10 cent and then that gets you change geopolitical fucking problem slime causes world war three for not being gold. I would solve World War III. You'd have to start it to... Yeah. That's right. Yeah, all right. Yeah, that's fair bet. You know what's crazy

is that the whole time we've been sitting here, Slime's been resting his feet on a box of a grown woman's farts. Which let's crack into it, boys. And we haven't talked about it. Let's crack into it. I'm down to get it.

All right, this is Ammo. She sent us special boxes. She released her product called Cutie Tooties, which I'm down to get it. Alright, this is Ammo. She sent us special boxes. She released her product called Cutie Tooties, which I believe Cutie Patooties, which I believe we talked about at one point. I don't know what the fuck these are because this seems like a little extra. I want to preface this really

quick. Oh my god, it's a heavy bitch. So, Amaranth, who we had on the show, has been selling her farts in a jar. She has a website. The website is, well, Archie, you're going to have some work to do.

The website's fucking hilarious. There's some parts in there that are like made in America and like little fun little tidbits in there. Love that. Yeah, so here they are. I saw her at the streamer awards and she like kind of spotted me and she came over and the first thing she said was like she kind of excited did you get my jars she's hype on it she was hype and i started laughing and i'm like you sent us jars she's like yeah yeah they come yeah they come here i'm like i don't know i gotta check

when i get home and uh we had a little bit of a debate beforehand which was uh nick nick thinks that she didn't i think there's no way she farted in these jars and i think that's fucked up i think it's easy because you can just sit in a bathtub fucking like this right just hold on hold on let me let me add an amendment to what i said because this is what i meant i think that if i open this jar and it smells badly that she did not actually fart in them I think if I open the jar and it smells like nothing I think she did I don't think that's how smell works I don't think that you can like fart into a jar

and close it really fast and all of a sudden the jar has water in it I believe the capture method was in a bath with the water you fart the bubble comes up you put a cup in it upside down the bubble go in the cup and then you close it inside the water and then the smell will be zipper at least that's how i conceived in my head to capture fart in a day so i'm sure she figured that zipper from the other room just said

what the fuck so we got we got two boxes once is open first open first. Because I imagine this is more than just the fucking... Maybe it's an ammo care package. I was driving with a friend, and I drove past her billboard in LA. Oh, really? Which I didn't know it was there on that street. She's a billboard? And I was like, yeah. How many old normie men have just beat their shit to amaranth because of the billboard?

I don't think old normie men... The conversion has to be crazy, because you've got to get home, open up a computer, your iPad probably, turn off the history channel, and then, you know, beat your shit. Wow. Okay. Well, this is just a really long letter that essentially tells us what's in the box. Okay. Hey, Yard Boys. We are so happy to be able to share this with you, the Cutie Patootie Scent Jars in Hot Tub Water by Amaranth. Packaging includes one scent jar, one hot tub water jar,

and some extra Cutie Patootie swag made special just for you. Oh, we got yard swag? Okay. Dude, Ammo is a big lover of the pod. Dude, there's a certificate of authenticity? Her manager is so nice to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fragile.

Handle with care. Here, I'm going to give one to your side of the equation. I deadass dropped this earlier. Oh. This is hot tub water. WikiFeet. It says there's hot tub water we're talking about, so it's definitely not fit for human consumption.

Don't be weird, people. Which is so funny. You guys don't be weird. Don't be weird. You don't be weird. Look, look. I know I'm packaging and selling my farts in a tub, but don't be weird about it.

They have product IDs. You're telling me that's not her fart, bro. This is 10 out of 1,000. Whoa, that's pretty rare. Wait, is this the fart? Is it just air? Okay, here it is. Each scent jar includes one hair

carefully collected from Amaranth as well as one naturally occurring fart jarred directly from the source, Amaranth herself. as one naturally occurring fart jarred directly from the source amaranth herself certificate of authenticity i don't think the way she captured the farts is right what look at the jar look in the jar look at the jar look in the jar look at the jar i believe her i believe her amaranth you're telling the truth i believe you i believe there's particles i believe you i believe there's particles i believe you fucking covid 2022 is in there there's particles in the jar

i don't like it i don't know if i want to do this anymore i don't like that that's just the hot tub water i don't like this i don't like it aiden crack that one crack it they didn't cry that one crack that one wait what's this hot tub water right I'm gonna get fucking pink eye bro wait wait wait is the fart the other one yeah yeah this is the fart

this is the fart that's just hot tub water I think wait no this is they're both don't they both have farts in them I'm actually gonna gag

I'm actually gonna gag where are the farts we need to find the farts there's empty jars here this farts this is these are these are farts

no isn't that the hair this has hair in it I think that once a hair once a lot talk to me we need I think we're doing an escape room the hair and the fart so one jar has a fart and hair other jar has water wait I thought oh okay So that floating particle is just coincidence. It's just hot tub particles. Guys, I warmed us up. I warmed us up. What do you mean? Smell.

You farted? You farted when I was talking about farts earlier. I smelled it. Yeah. But I didn't say anything. It's actually like a Pavlonian thing. No, it wasn't. Pavlonian. I didn't say anything because you don't get Pavlon. You're not a disruptor like me. It's not Pavlovian Yes it is

It's Pavlonian No Pavlon it's the guy Yeah but like you wouldn't say like You say Pavlovian You wouldn't say Taliev Well maybe you wouldn't But you do for Pavlovian Okay I'm really happy to know that floating thing was not poop

Which is what I thought it was. Dude. I guess it still could be. Could we sell our jarred shit? Yard jank. I don't know what I ate at camp this weekend, bro, but I was pumping out a ton of these little tiny ones. Yeah, like a deer. Perfect for jars.

Bro, I was so... That's wasted money. I was on a business call, and I had to shit, and I turned off cam so I could stand up and walk around, and they were going for like an extra 10, and I was like pacing, but I didn't want to be rude, but I was sweating. I had to shit so bad, and they wouldn't fucking quit.

Finally, they're like, all right, we're all done here, and I go over, and oh, I felt like Nick, but it was so bad. It doesn't feel great. Is that right for you? When you drop a high-scored dunker? No, I can't relate to you at all. It feels amazing.

Like going out? Yeah. Oh, going out? I was like, damn. I get it. Oh, going out, no. But once it's out. Once it's out, yeah, it feels good.

Childbirth and a half. You feel a breeze. Yeah, fair enough. By the way, dude, you just unlocked this memory. Did I ever tell you this? Smash, or sorry, CS Summit 6, which was my last event at BTS, we had, it was all remote because of COVID, and we had a coach that was, or no, he wasn't a coach.

He was a guest commentator for the event, and he was remote, right? And so he'd come on with his camera and talk, and it was like the feed was brought to a little CRT. And then when the game was displayed, he wasn't on camera anymore. But he was still in the call commentating the game. This guy, dude, we can still see what he's doing, right? Did I ever tell you this?

Oh, no. Dude, we can still see what he's doing. And i ever tell you this oh no dude we can still see what he's doing and and i'm i'm looking on my monitor because it's like it's like a discord call with different feeds bro goes into the bathroom and he's on his phone because he's just like it wasn't like a professional setup or anything and he takes his phone into the bathroom with him and sets it on the ground all i see is his feet in the bottom of a toilet and he sits down his phone still has the game feet on it he's still commentating the yeah but he's just not saying anything he's just letting everyone else you know because it's a

couch commentary yeah he doesn't need to like be too involved and then he he goes and i see him and i see his pants go down to his ankles and i can only see from his like ankles up my god and he's he's just taking a shit quick donker and and we could the game could like we could go to him right it's just cs go on the stream but it could go to him what a legend he would be if it did though bro it was crazy and I'm in the control I'm like guys look at this

and everyone's like what the fuck is going on dude it is crazy that it is within vision of like the caster like his casting setup the bathroom no it was his phone oh he brought it in with him because he was tethered Like his casting setup? The bathroom? No, it was his phone. Oh, he... Oh! So he brought it in with him

because he was tethered because he had a phone... It was just a really shitty setup. Yeah, a lot of people who don't have webcams, they use their phone cam. And he just had a... I want headphones. I want to know who this is.

Pass out four jars. There was one person... There's a really good CSGO player, Art, from Brazil. And for the online tournaments, yeah, a lot of these guys would use their phones as their cam. And there was a match where Art, he fails to clutch around, and he table slams in the middle of the game,

and it knocks his phone over, and his face cam for the rest of the match is just like his chin up. What she sees. Yeah. Jar us up, Aiden. I don't want to do it. Everyone needs a jar. Everyone needs a jar.

Pass it down. Take a jar, pass one down. Take a jar, pass one down. Pass it down. Take a jar, pass one down. All right. Oh, I see her hair. All right.

For the audio listeners, we all have a amaranth hair slash fart jar in our hands. And none of us want to do this, but I am currently thinking about how many of you idiots sub to this Patreon. Are we going to buy this? It would be... Get this and then not smell it. Zipper two, if you're watching, I'm...

This is not sexual. This is not sexual. This is purely business. Do we crack same time? We go one by one. one mom if you're watching this do it all at once got nothing wait where's do we click bait it what's no cuz you can't let it escape hey if the sniff quick hey what's your time right now we're good we have like 15 boys you know to the Knights I never remember with the friends say to the friends will never forget. Open and huff.

Oh! Here's mine, if you want. Wait, are you guys for real? You might have had a dud, smell mine. Oh, it's not fun. Okay. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck's not fun. Okay. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Dude.

Oh, fuck. Oh, God. She's such a fucking gaseous bitch. Oh, fuck. How does her ass smell like that? I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

Oh, yours was was I was like I was watching the three of you gag and I was like can I just not smell and then I and then I and then I took a whiff of yours and I was like

I thought about it she she dumped in yours she dude bro vial 11, she went nuts. I believe her. I was going to say.

I don't know the process for sealing that, but they did it. Don't even show me anymore. We have to do it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We have to do it. No, we don't. It's just hot though. You have to do what?

We have to smell it. Oh, you can smell it. That's fine. I don't think that'll be problematic at all. I thought you were going to say drink it, and I was like, I don't think you want that. I'm so...

What? Don't say drink it. Is it bad? No, he just said drink, and then I imagined... And you thought about it? I'm so nauseous. Well, it's all right.

You don't have a fear thrown up. Yeah. Oh, this is so fucking disgusting, bro. You don't have a problem with this? Oh, we're making a fucking fleshlight with this woman. Yeah, but that a fucking fleshlight with this woman. Yeah, but that's hype. That'll be hype.

Have we announced it? I don't think we talked about it like a bunch. We haven't necessarily announced it because we don't have a product yet. Is that the second one? I don't know what this is. It says open second.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I think these are the custom things, right? Because it said there was custom things. Take a sip. No, don't take a sip. Take a sip.

She said don't be weird. They said don't be weird. The note literally says don't't be weird and then nick's like i'm trying to get weird i'm trying to get you are weird you're crazy that's this one just smells like swag that smells like hot tub water okay so like kind of like chlorine we got a mug oh nice we've been needing some mugs oh more merch yeah that was. That was actually significantly more gross than I thought it would be. Yeah, I actually hated that. But hopefully you guys enjoyed it. Zip had a little laugh to himself.

Zipper was losing his fucking mind. Dude, she made jar merch? Okay, I don't know what you expect. All right, a cutie patootie mug. The mug is cute. I love that. The mug is cute. This is just dead ass merch.

I love the mug. Bro, I thought it said personalized to you. I mean, maybe they just didn't sell this and they just gave it to us and it's like extra shit. It's got factory shirt smell. Cool.

The shirts don't smell like farts. Hey, thanks Amaranth for all the stuff. Thank you, Amaranth. Oh, God. It really is what it is on the tin. It really is butt ass. Yeah. It's just, yeah.

That was, I, if you paid for that, I, you should. You got? You got what you wanted. It's a thousand? No way it's a thousand dollars. Wait, no. Dude.

No, that must have been us, right? It has to be like a higher product or something, right? Wait, what? She's selling the water for $99? No shot. Or she remembered to... I'm going to wear this shit. Dude, has she sold these?

This is a good-ass shirt to have. Type. That's my gym shirt. I'm going to cut the sleeves off. The front of it looks like something... He just sniffed a grand. That's what you're telling me? The front of it just looks like something you'd get at PacSun. It off. The front of it looks like something. You just sniffed a grand? That's what you're telling me? The front of it just looks like something you'd get at PacSun.

It does. And then the back of it is just like a fart brand. We did just sniff 4K. The logo is like a jar with little roses inside of it. Let me tell you, brothers and sisters and emperors, it is not that. Not a rose. It should put a stinky shit. A poop, even.

As the logo. Yeah. A little poopy. As the logo. Yeah. A little poopy. Wow. And then it should be that. Jesus Christ. Amaranth, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for sending me this.

You know what? The book was right. Everybody does poop. It's really everyone, bro. Do you think if Amaranth had a child, she would sell her breast milk? You don't need a child to have breast milk, and we learned that last episode, remember?

With Brandon. Oh, yeah. You can make breast milk without having a kid. You're right. Yeah. I can? I thought that was more about like... Put your mind to it.

Speaking of sucking down breast milk, you have a new Patreon challenge. Oh, right. Because I'll look like a baby? Hold on. Hold on. I have a question for you. I have a question for you i have a question

for you is there a situation where we can get you to do the eyebrows i don't want to hear listen i don't want to do the eyebrows because i've done this before not i've had the i shaved my eyebrow once to try to get a girl to like me in high school entirely yeah and uh wait hold on i because i back up why would that make her like yeah why was she into that you guys are being an asshole because her facebook likes were like paramore and then shaved eyebrow guy and then no it was at a party and uh it was just a high school party and it was like it was like a thing it was like you know i was drinking and fucking do this funny thing yeah do this funny thing and she did it and i was I was like, ooh, this is cool. She shaved her eyebrow? Yeah, she shaved mine.

Oh. She shaved mine. And then I was like, oh, she's close to my face. That's cool. And didn't ever have the balls to do it. Also, I had one fucking eyebrow. Anyway, you end up looking really old. It makes you have old guy face.

And it takes a while to grow back. I've done this before. I don't want to do it. I wouldn't do it. Instead, with the full body only, you're going to be like a little otter. I'm going to be a sweet little slippery guy. My little smooth little otter slippery bear. I think the joy is not necessarily even how you look at the end.

It'll be the process of waxing every part of your body. So here's how I imagine this going down if we reach the goal, which is like less than 2,000 patrons away. 1,300. That's crazy. like less than 2,000 patrons away. That's crazy. We either go to like a spa and we talk with somebody who's down to do this on camera

and we do like the tattoo episode or we have someone come up here and do it. Right. Or we just do a home kit and we just do it. No, no, no, no, no, no. I want it to be professional. Daddy can take care of you.

No, you cannot. Daddy can take care of you. He took care of the tattoo. I took care of the tattoo. You guys can all do one but I want a fucking pro downstairs. I want to do your asshole. Fine.

Fine. I don't care. I just want a pro to clean up the mess. Oh, you want to do his asshole? Yeah, I want to wax his asshole. Do you want to look at it after? I want the shot to him be like this, on his four, and then the camera. That's how I am.

And then be behind going like. This is the Ludwig this is the Ludwig that offline TV never gets to hang out with no you're dude the whole point of offline TV my interactions being good

is cause I can be like this and then they go what dude he goes and hangs out with them you're also forgetting that Michael Reeves is offline TV

who made one of the best jokes in edgier jokes than we make yeah cause he's lashing out cause he's not with them and he's saying that with you and he gets to be himself.

Lowe's over at their house and he's like, aw, shucks, guys, what do you want to eat for food? I did watch a clip of him on the red carpet and Nim was asking him questions and he's like,

are you, Nim was like, have you ever thought about making a creeper like from Minecraft but for real? Oh yeah, that was so funny. And Michael's just like,

no, that would be a bomb. That was so funny, dude. Fuck, I love that guy, bro. That was great. Oh yeah, that was so funny. And Michael's just like, no, that would be a bomb. That was so funny, dude. Fuck, I love that guy, bro. That was great. Oh man.

Hey, we should put him right there. Put him right there. Right there. I think he actually would be fucking great. He should like drop in right there.

Alright, I'm gonna throw you guys a guest suggestion. I'm gonna throw you a guest suggestion and you let me know what you think. Okay.

T-Pain. I was thinking this today because I saw him on school today, and I'm like, this guy's fucking on one. T-Pain was a menace today. Do we have to buy him a drink? Oh, wow. Dude. That was stinky.

You have to actually sniff Amaranant's farts again after that. You got to lick the rim, bro. You're a stinky guy. You're supposed to just groan and keep going. You're not the guy who does these jokes. It's weird from you. I don't know. I get one a year.

Bazinga. We should have T-Pain on. That sounds funny. I'd love to have T-Pain on. He was such a menace. We did this show today. Schooled. It's basically like a version of Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader, You should have T-Pain on. That sounds funny. I'd love to have T-Pain on. He was such a menace. We did this show today. School. It's basically like a version of

Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? But for Twitch streamers, they're all fucking dumb. And I was a favorite because I was the only one that had graduated college. Also, last time they did this, everyone cheated, right?

Yeah, but it's like changed a bit and there's like ways to cheat's part of it. And like lifelines kind of. And T-Pain was a menace the whole time talking about how he lost his virginity when he was 10 and then and then he got eliminated same tea the drink was apple juice i call him t now he got eliminated he stayed in miskiff i it was funny he i saw him crumble like teachers do but it takes like 10 years for teachers to crumble after students just like knock at their wall and in a day t-pain solo took mizgift down and he's

like t-pain's like you've never taught an inner city school you wouldn't know how to deal with this oh i love that and then miz is just like he was like yeah like fucking yeah he lost it bro that's so hype he got eliminated he was still on just like talking the whole time oh it was great wow yeah i do i went away and i like we went to arizona i have no idea what ludwig's doing while i'm gone i just see ludwig tweet penis gang i see everyone's playing fortnite again yeah t pain's involved somehow i'm like am i awake yeah i was getting lit up for playing fortnite i played it for fun yeah they took out building i know they took out building i was like i think it'd be kind of fun why were you getting lit up well i was getting lit up because i messaged saikuno i was like hey do you want to play because i was trying to make a squad of four

he's like well i have a sponsor tomorrow and then he's like wait you're playing for free and i was like no way you're getting cooked by the fucking influencer and then i played two days in a row on stream and then second day chat's like is this actually like for fun i was like guys i just want to play fortnite I think it's fine if it's no building it's fun to play again fortnite is one of the most fun games to play with your friends when you're all just bad yeah I did get a

victory royale carrying my squad today yeah fortnite we're about to get down I listen to that song a lot you guys want to play fortnite I thought about it I thought about it you were in a valorant game and I didn't want to play Fortnite? I thought about it. The Yard plays Fortnite. You should have hit me up. I'm a shooter streamer now. I thought about it. You were in a Valorant game, and I didn't want to be like, what about Fortnite?

Is building still off? Yes. Now is the time. For the next week, and then it's gone. Now is the time for us to try. We can't beat the kids who build. We just can't. No.

I hope they never bring it back. I don't like kids being good at things. Yeah, that's fair. Speak to that. No. He doesn't like losing to kids. Well, not even if I'm losing to kids oh they don't well i not even if i'm losing to them but just they're kids i don't need them to fucking be skilled

stop being skilled i hate seeing kids at the rock climbing gym who are like a hundred pounds that's not fair yeah because they're just fucking zip up the wall they're like they're like they're just like animals in the jungle they just have light. I've been inspired to fucking lose 10 pounds because it's so hard to lift my fat ass up the wall. Yeah, you're disgusting. We should get these kids doing more stuff. Actually, I can make them sweatshirts. We should get them doing stuff that's going to benefit society.

That's right. That's the economy. Pour it concrete. We don't need them having fun, playing games. I'm saying. Ludwig, did you hear what Anthony was saying this morning? Oh, Aiden comes downstairs. I see him for the first time since he's been gone.

And I'm leaving out the door. And I'm like, oh, Aiden. Or I was like, oh, it's Ludwin Under. Look, it's Ludwin Under. And I'm looking at Aiden. I'm calling him Ludwig because I just say that. And then he's like, oh, yeah, I lost a couple pounds, man, because he has no shirt on. And I'm like, yeah, you look fucking disgusting, man. And then he's like, oh yeah, I lost a couple pounds, man, because he has no shirt on.

And I'm like, yeah, you looked fucking disgusting, man, and now you look good, man. Yeah, I was wondering if you heard him say you look fucking disgusting.

I wasn't there when you guys bullied me behind my back. Because your room's close, so I was wondering if you heard it. I was already in the office at that point.

What I did today is I went to go check out more warehouse spots, which is what we've been trying to do to get a space. And I'll take a video and show everyone in the slack and I opened both of the videos

I watched it I was laughing I was like what's up with another warehouse excursion yeah you were like yeah I go into the kitchen here run the sink pussy comes out pussy comes out move on and then like you run into, like, the realtor.

You're like, oh, hey, how's it going? Yeah. You're fine. You're fine. Oh, man, that's good shit. We, you know, we have a little fun at Mogul Moves. What can I say? Look, we're a bit of a goopy, goopy bunch.

Yeah, until Nick Allen comes and shuts the fun down. Nick Allen's a fun guy. Until Nick Allen fucking ruins the fun. He has hair. I can't believe he wasn't bald when he took his hat off. Really? Yeah, he took it off and I'm like, I can't believe you're not bald, bro.

Yeah. It's crazy. But he, you know what? He's spiritually bald. Because he's old? No, it's like a vibe thing. Yeah, it's kind of a vibe. It's more of a vibe. You can tell. You're, you're... I'm good. Spiritually, I don't know. I'm good. You're, you're... I'm good. Spiritually, I don't know.

I'm good. You know what we should do? Is, uh... You've done this before, but 23andMe, we all do one. We all spit in the Bible. I don't want the government

having my DNA. It's not the government. You think they don't have your DNA? I just want, I don't want to... Bitch, you were borned it here. Here's the thing. I don't want to relinquish my DNA. I want to ask you a question.

What do you think they do with your foreskin, idiot? They ate it. No, it's like in... The lizards. It's like in Austin Powers. He takes off his feet skin and keeps it on his jaw. It's just your foreskin. That's a big one.

Slime's mom birthing slime at the corner of the fucking room. Mark Merrill ready to eat your force. The doctor cuts my force pin off and then flings it across the room and one of the other people jumps and gets it like a dog. Bro, what do you think tonkatsu is? That's how they keep the lizard people at bay.

And then it's just like... Wow, yeah. We have a lot of patrons at a big show.'s all true do you think we're a good podcast sometimes i look at other podcasts that are like i think they're funnier and i'm like man we're just we're just faking the funk you ever think about that no no we're good what do you mean i'm saying that there are podcasts that are funnier than us, but we're just so normie. I bet other podcasts consider us like Normie Town USA. Yeah, for sure.

And that hurts to think about. Because I always hated being Normie Town. No, because Stavros likes our podcast. That is true. That's a big... But I think he's the normie of Comptown. No, he is not. Nick is the normie of Comptown.

Nick? Oh, no, sorry, not Nick. Adam. I was like, definitely not Nick. Adam is the normie of Comptown. Nick? Oh, no, sorry, not Nick. Adam. I was like, definitely not Nick. Adam is the normie of Comptown. It's not even close. Adam's Aiden. Yeah?

In like every way, yeah. Because their whole shtick is they just make fun of him all the time, and then he tells a story about going to the club with his friends. That's like their whole, yeah, he's, yeah. Dude, here's the thing. It doesn't matter if people think you're a normie, dude. I don't want to be a normie. It matters what I think.

You are a normie. Well, I don't think that's true. You stream and you play Valorant. Up, cat man. Stop TV, man. You're a normie,ie. It matters what I think. You are a normie. Well, I don't think that's true. You stream and you play Valorant. Up, cat man. Stop TV, man. You're a normie, bro. It's okay, though. Don't be shy.

Here's the thing, bro. Streaming's easy. And I figured that out. Hey, hey, leave a comment if you like our podcast. What the fuck is going on? What happened? I did. You know what?

I watch a lot of Valor lot of valorant clips on youtube lately past like month or so you popped up in a clip on my youtube it's happened before independently of like it having anything to do with slime yard yeah there's bots that just it's kind of like gloom shot yeah yeah there's bots that just farm clipped views or clips with big views and they'll put it. I got in like a compilation once when I streamed like years ago. What if we just get a clip of yours and then I link it in my chat?

It'll instantly get a few thousand viewers and it's you saying some funny shit and then it'll go in all those compilations because they don't check them beforehand. We can rig the system. I don't, it's to what extent, I don't know if it's bot-bot or if it's like

bot and then someone checks it. Somebody comes. But Gloomshot is not. We should record a clip. We should record a clip of Anthony staring into the camera.

If you're seeing this, we've been trying to reach you. You're in a coma. We're trying an experimental way. Get that clip really highly viewed. It appears in a random video someone's watching

and then they think they're in a coma. It's like in between like train slot clips. I'm train all weekend dude watch the train yeah hr dm me because he's been doing this thing where he uh he retired from hitman he's been trying to sleep more and he dm me on twitch twitch whisper you can see who what people are watching you check that it pops up it goes and i and i and he dm he's like watching train a and i'm like the goat and then and then his life is fucking sad now

after he quit because like before he was like oh it's busy busy he's like yeah man i just got nothing to do right now ari's busy so i've been like talking to my mods i'm like oh dude just casually for fun maybe his mods are nice you know I mean they could be nice no one talks to their mods on purpose also by the way just while we're at it Ludwig got a message through twitch whisper and replied yeah because it's a truck and we could like go in his room and say something to him and he would look at his phone yeah fucking sorry actually you know what I will say better applying Ludwig uh he we we compare world scores like every night that's that's our new bonding dude i actually got i cracked at quartal today no one five four five six seven no one cares but i care when he messages me

but the the hundred thousand plus people that hear that do not care i'm telling you yeah i don't give a shit about them yeah but they're listening're listening. Okay, how are you doing, guys? Great to hear. You know what? You're right. The roles have been reversed. Too worried about these viewers, man. This is fucked up.

I'm on the new wave. I like your goofy shirt. Yeah, appreciate it. I think we're at about it. God, fuck you. Oh, yeah. You stole Nick's swag. This is not Nick's. Yeah, it is.

You got this from me. It's just years of stealing his swag. Think longer about what you're saying. Just think longer about it. Judy bought this for me. Yeah, why did she think you would like that? Because I have the same one, and it's Donald Duck. It's the exact same one.

Because she knows I love Goofy. Swag Jacked. Because she knows you're Foo Foo Goofy. Swag Jacked. Well, that hurts my guts. He's worn it. He's stolen it and worn it. Goofy.

Yeah, he grabbed it out of your laundry pile. Oh yeah, I wore it to the Offline TV New Year's party. Yeah, it. Goofy. Yeah, he grabbed it out of your laundry pile. Oh, yeah, I wore it to the offline TV New Year's party. Yeah, we talked about that before. And then he looked great. You win again. My new swag is all of my Studio Ghibli vests, my jackets. I just wish you'd stop buying clothes for the fucking environment. It's not about the clothes.

I rarely buy clothes. I mean, outside of cutie bang me clothes. Tell her to stop that shit. Yeah, you don't buy clothes. Tell her unless she can hit 100 on the grippy thing that she can't buy shit anymore. 100 on the grippy is pretty high. I know. I like the things she gets me, though.

All right, one more closes out. Anyone got some good bait for our Patreon episode? Let me think of some bait. Well. Will you show your asshole on the Patreon episode? On the wax episode, I will. That's pretty much it. That's the bait.

Look, guys. 20, okay, 90. Worse. Yeah, you're a pussy. Okay, so if we get to 20K patrons, which is crazy that this shit keeps growing like a hydra, I will have someone, a a professional wax my entire body and we'll do a whole podcast episode

you're talking your toes, your legs every piece of me that has hair which I got a lot my hair goes everywhere bro my chest not so much but there is some there the nipple is going to be great and so yeah we'll do that.

So there's no bait. It's just if you want to see that happen, contribute or don't. I don't give a fuck. We make a lot of money. Isn't that crazy? We make as much money as doctors. Maybe you shouldn't be a sub. Maybe we don't deserve this.

Maybe it's time to pull back. We're essential workers. I'm thinking about this episode in hindsight right now. I don't know if I'm thinking about this episode in hindsight right now. I'm like, I don't know if I'm a doctor. Is this like the same as saving a life? No, it's not. Being a doctor is easy.

It's my heart. Some might say that. Hey, if chiropractors are doctors, we're fucking doctors. That's what I always say. Don't get the chiropractor sick on us, bro. I woke up with my neck hurting. I'm not kidding. Chiro talk. I was surprised by how many chiropractor defenders we got in the comments.

We got a lot. I actually can't believe what they said about chiropractor. It's ridiculous. It's like you guys don't even know spine. Slash SRS. That's what it was like. It was like, you can't believe that. You can't believe that we don't know how chiropractors work.

Cairo TWT will sick us. We gotta cool it. I don't like that. We fuck with you guys. Yeah, what's up Leafs and Chiro TWT? We're all cool. Alliance. And we like watching Fortnite.

All right. All right, guys. Thanks for watching the yard. See you later. Bye now. Also, subscribe to the channel. That's what we actually care about. Oh, yeah, that's right.

What's up? Okay, bye. Bye.