The Yard - Ep. 4 - tales from the dabratory

Episode Date: July 28, 2021

What happens when your tinder date becomes increasingly problematic? One man recounts his tale of ghoulish Americana. The boys also reminisce on the origins of the yard and the house that birthed the culture of pissing in the sink because the toilet doesn't work.

what's up guys welcome yard episode 4 sponsored brought to you by coinbase again they didn't leave us yeah all right which i'm surprised by you're with us for a while based on the content of the last episode and before that you know what was wrong with the context that's content of last episode they didn't give any bad feedback but i had a viewer who was like a little too much shit and come that time yeah really what on episode three what come really if anything that sounds like your shakespeare should be complaining about what come was there there was a 10 minute bit on your leaky dick. That's not cum.

That's not cum at all. Well, okay. Some of it was cum, surely. Did it not start with cum? You're going to tell me it didn't start with cum? We all started with cum. He didn't mention cum at all in that episode. What was that?

Obviously, well, Nick does this thing when he handshakes. You ever heard about this? He tries to go for the deep one. No, no, no. What he does is he puts his finger out. Oh, yeah. Because he says that if you put your pointer finger straight out, no one can out-muscle you.

And he has a big thing about not getting out-muscled in a handshake. Shake my hand. So if you ever shake his hand, do it. No, do it. Shake his hand to feel it. When you ever shake his hand, that finger will be out. What the fuck? He does it every time.

This is what we're seeing underneath. Yeah. Look at that. It's like he has a mini gun. It widens your grip, and you have the firmer handshake every time. He's look at that it's just it's like he's it widens it widens your grip and you have the firmer handshake every time he's really big on that what happens if both people go for that we haven't figured that out yet i just went for it and it's bad it's like crossing streams all right to be fair it was this was in my way dividing by zero people die i feel like

that's a toxic like masculine thing that i wouldn't expect from you because you're pretty like neutral and like you don't really fucking try to be like a like a you don't like work out you're not like handsome okay what else okay yeah i know i tested i tested t i'm good what really yeah yeah how's your t it's great what blood cell count it's like slightly above average what is like a t like i wouldn't even know like you know how like they have like tea You know that how much do you I got like eight teas. Do you have eight teas? I don't know you know what you know like the 23andMe thing yeah, they have another one. That's only testosterone I was having all these random are you pussy boy? I was having all these random health problems, so I just went to the store and bought one and I was like alright

Well, it's not that no it was over-the-c over the counter yeah you didn't have a doctor look inside your well it went to doctors somewhere fake i don't think it went to a guy who was like i'll just look at this and check it it wasn't like a pregnancy test i'm sorry i mean i put my dna in a bottle and sent it to a lab you said look inside a penis how do you think this works you think when you cough and they touch your balls they're like low t there's okay testosterone comes from they hear the friends theme song in they touch your balls They're like low T There's Okay The testosterone Comes from the penis They hear the friends theme song In your nutsack

And they're like This guy does not have it Everyone knows That Doesn't it come from the Epididymis This is like when I try to explain On stream what a period was

And I had like my 10% Female viewer base Just chew me out I was like You shed uterine lining They're like You fucking idiot You dumbass

You low T Wait is that not what it is Look I don't want to get into it again i don't want to get into it i don't think it's our place i don't know the women viewership of the yard i'm sorry for i know i'm trying to learn i know what i found i found out periods are no well yes i know i know i know the women imagine i'm like i guys i figured out the period thing. That's what I thought he was talking about. This is exciting. It's like 9%. Hey. Okay. I would love to get to double digit.

A lot of clapping. 9% what? Women who listen to us. Oh, wow. Like 91% man, 9% women. That's lower. Well, people who identify, right? We don't know if there's a certain option.

There was a non-binary section. Oh, really? Really? It was below 1%. I still like that. It might just be. There are literally social media platforms. It's good that we at least have the breakdown.

Yeah. Yeah. So it's probably a bad metrics. On YouTube, I'm like 13, 15 women. That's pretty. And they don't have non-binary.

It's just. I wonder what his son is. For breakdown? For women. I think it's like 80, 20. What the high, I wonder what the highest male streamer.

You go check the demographic. No, no, no, man, 80%. You go check the demographic info. It's like men.

It's like, you know, 46%. It's's like women it's like a list of phone numbers Yeah That's when Hassan looks at his YouTube page It's his birthday today Is it really? He's 30 Hey clap again He's gonna fuck so many women tonight

Oh my god It's tonight Does he just airdrop like into fucking twisted towers In downtown LA he's gonna fuck so many women tonight oh my god tonight it's tonight it's birthday right now they just like does he just airdrop like into fucking twisted towers in downtown la just with like nine condoms and he's like no he literally airdrops on his iphone just like wanna fuck in downtown la it's like when you have the emergency airdrop in one or for two and like four fucking whole care packages come down i don't know you know How I would get one, he would get four. Did we ever tell him the story of Hassan at the party?

No. Wow. We went to Austin, right? And there was a pretty big party with all the streamers there. And me, Nick, and Eamon were there. Eamon got really drunk. So drunk. As always. Aiden was so

fucking drunk at this party. Holdiden aiden was so fucking drunk at this party hold on that you were so fucking drunk at this party that i'm oh dude this i'm standing there and this like girl comes up and she's like oh what's your name i'm nick she's like oh i'm chandler nice to meet you i'm great and aiden comes over and he's like hey and she's like hi who are you and he's like i'm aiden oh i'm chandler and he goes oh like from friends. And she rolls her eyes. She's like, yeah. And he's like, cool, cool. And then Aiden leaves. I shit you not.

Five minutes later, Aiden comes back and goes, oh, hey. Hi, I'm Aiden. And she also does not remember because she's also drunk. And she goes, oh, I'm Chandler. And he goes, again, he goes, like from Friends. And I literally was like, am I in a simulation? What the fuck is going on? Mixed the sober guy so he always notices his stuff too.

That's embarrassing. I only remember it happening once. I know. Once is still too much, by the way, to be clear, to say that line. Yeah. To remember that happening. And to a little bit. So we had a meeting about the podcast today.

Like what we're going to do for some different stuff. And and i was like we need to take notes we never do i'll be right back and i grabbed my apple macbook and i come down i handed it to aiden because he's a note taker guy because he's wearing those glasses and he's like oh you you got this he has looked and commented on this laptop like three times in the past it's a new macbook it's pink i've had it for like months yeah or no sorry one month better for a month i've had it for a month and he is looking at it like he just saw for the first time and i'm like i was so mad at him it's a nice laptop because i know i'm like what am i telling you that's more important than laptop shit that you're just like not even like and they just fucking go to sleep like an animal yeah more important than laptop shit not that much

i'm remembering the important things i hope so dude anyway let's get back on topic we're back at the topic at the party in austin and hasan's there and it's only streamers right now and and like friends of streamers and stuff like that right very closed bubble hasan is like i'm gonna invite these girls over i'm like what he's like yeah i got this girl who's down to come. She's got a couple friends. They're gonna come over. Is he saying it kind of smoky like you're saying it? Yeah, he's saying it like he talks like that.

And he's like chewing nicotine gum while he's doing it. Yeah, I'm gonna bring these girls over. I'm like, are you trying to, you know, woohoo. This was shortly after him telling us his body count, which the answer, again, was no fucking idea. And so he's like, oh, no, I'm probably not going to fuck them. Unless they look really good in person. I just want to see how they interact with the streamers and how the streamers interact with them.

What? It was like an experiment. Because basically he was saying that there's people like Soda Poppin, Mizkiff, me even. People who don't really interact with regular society and have become like characters of themselves. Yeah, you're just basically like Dark Souls NPCs that are wacky and kooky. So he literally invites them over to hang out with all the streamers. And they come over. Well, before they come over.

Yeah. He goes, I remember we're in a circle. And he goes, I'm going to tell them they have to send me their ID and Vax card to come. And he like messages it. And then it's like, do, do, do. They like immediate reply. He starts laughing. Social security credit card numbers.

He starts laughing. He's like, they just sent me their IDs and vaccination cards. Yeah. Like their, their government documents. Yeah. I was just like,

oh shit. So they come over, they start flocking around Hassan immediately, but Hassan like pretty much gives them like very little mind. Like he had kind of decided when they walked in, he's like, nah, I'm not gonna.

Okay. I'm not gonna fuck him. Yeah. Yeah. And so they, they mingle with he's like, nah, I'm not gonna. Okay. I'm not gonna fuck him. Yeah. Yeah. And so they, they mingle with, with all the streamers and have shitty interactions. Like the one with Aiden.

Okay. For the record, I was a wonderful time at that party. Aiden is a very wonderful drunk. He's very fun. And he's very loving. Yeah. I was just so really,

I was, that was towards the end of the evening when I'm very, he just kept coming up to me and going, I love this song. No matter. I did. Sometimes it was just the evening when I'm very in it. He just kept coming up to me and going, I love this song. I did. Sometimes it was just the same song. I did love that song. I believe you.

Yeah. I had a great time. The story continues. Kind of like the movie Superbad where a lot of the nerdier streamer guys like Soda started a bet on who could kiss one of the girls. Okay. Because, you know, S soda poppin has this theory that there's no point having sex i'll just jerk off and then i won't have to worry about it uh and and he he's genuinely the most addicted jerker offer i've ever met and the most awkward guy yeah

there's so much to unpack yeah this is a lot we're gonna glaze past this also ending's the juicy part also the most wonderful person i met very sweet very yeah soda poppin i had a wonderful conversation but also addicted to coming by his own addicted yeah he will literally say out loud it's the best he's like i gotta go home i gotta jerk off that's awesome anyway the party ends i like assertive they all kind of fail to do it right but at the very end as we literally exit the building the girls are walking down the street maybe half a block ahead soda has a spurt of courage sprints down the street to these women hammered as fuck yeah and he goes hey this whole entire night we had a bet going on and i bet my

friends that i i could get a kiss from you guys and And I know this is crazy, but would one of you guys maybe want to kiss me? That's the way to do it. Just totally up front. They say no. Oh my gosh. In front of Hasan, all walk away. Dude. Next day, the only person to hear from them,

Hasan gets a text. Of course. Had a great time. Yeah. Interesting. Here's my social security number. A side great time yeah interesting here's a side story for you yeah a side story please i got one of their numbers that night it's true right and then and then uh nothing came from it she texted me back the next day and then we never met up

amen amen amen with your she said she was coming to la that week and she was like yeah i'll be in la on thursday and i was like uh well you know it was nice to meet you get home safe type of thing she texted me back the next day thank you nice to meet you too never spoke again did you not respond you ghosted no ball was in her court she said yeah i'll text you like i said like text me in la if you want to hang out he's on something that's not my job yeah but what am i gonna do i'm not gonna fucking like text a girl ew the outline was very clear yeah i mean hey if you want to hang out on thursday we can't you're pretty busy right now with you know what is he busy with he's really busy dude you know he's mogul merch right yeah i'm really busy with that but also it's like really only that though anything else that's the only thing keeping me busy the amount of women he's currently speaking to

oh in like a a romantic like you know pursuit conversation uh you know and that that are you know reciprocating is actually pretty crazy he told me don't say how much on the podcast really you dog do you guys remember that little uh you dog that little green cell phone that it didn't have a number pad just had five buttons and they were all numbers do you remember that i'm thinking of the aliens you could only you could only have i thought it was called it was called a bug or something like that it was a green cell phone you could only call five people that's aiden's life right now and they're all women i'm just no i'm just like i just like getting to know people. I like just talking to people.

I also definitely feel some sense of vanity. But in general, like I've always been very like open and upfront with people about like getting to know them and dating and stuff like that. He does love talking to people. So if you guys ever want to DM someone for the podcast. No! Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up!

They send me so many DMs, dude. I get so many. There's one guy to reach out to. Okay. So I know we clown on Aiden a lot, but it's a lot of the time it's because he's such an effective communicator and he's very upfront and very communicative and actually very sensitive to people's feelings and stuff like that. But sometimes we make fun of him

because he veers into this side of he is just so direct and, again, sensitive sensitive but just very direct. So this one time he was telling me he was at the old house, and he's in a bed with a girl he's been seeing, and they're watching a movie on his laptop, and they're laying there. Oh, no, dude. And they're laying there, and Aiden has a MacBook. This is God damn Apple podcast. He has a MacBook, and his messages come through to his computer from his phone.

And a message pops up, and it's like, hey, it's Katie from Hinge or whatever. Tinder, how's it going? And Aiden, they're watching a movie, and this message pops up on a different day. Because they're watching it on that screen, too. Yeah, they're literally in bed. And she's staying the night for the first time and this is what he's telling me and he's telling me this i'm like this is crazy yeah he's like he stops the movie and he's like do you want to talk about that and i'm like dude that is i mean hats off right that's like a really difficult thing to say but

how did that go uh it was fine so it always says that he literally always says that i think like it it went about as well as it could have i think um he would come back from the middle east talking to the palestinians yeah so uh cool how'd that go so i talked to them and like it was lot of valid concerns uh but i probably won't go back no no i i mean i because i'm when something like that happens i sort of like go through i go through this like mental deliberation in my head of uh well i can't not say anything and uh will, I feel, if I don't confront this, I know I will feel shitty about it later. If I just let something sit, it gives me, I feel really, really uncomfortable,

and I feel really guilty when I don't follow my moral compass. So if I just let that sit, I will think about that for days after, until it's resolved. Yeah, Aiden gets very tortured at the end of the opening. So if I just let that sit, I will think about that for like days after until it's resolved. So I want the immediate resolution of like sorting through that. And we had like a long conversation about it that night. And I think it was fine. I sort of explained like my perspective and like side of like meeting people and getting to know them. And I think like she didn't necessarily agree

but but because of that because of that no hold on hold on because of that because of that i actually stopped seeing other people until that ended that's true so that's good i'll never forget the time aiden told me he like went on a tinder date he comes home and he's like i was like how was it and he's like yeah it was good it was like a decent a decent day you know we had fun we did this and that at the end I kind of just told her uh that I probably wouldn't want to do this again but yeah but we could be friends what and I was like wow really you just said that to her I wait here's the thing about the dear viewer he literally is still friends with uh girls like this and he'll go and hang out with them. He means it.

When he says we should be friends, he fucking means it. And I'm like, that's great. The nice thing about this is, yeah, because of this, I think my only non-gamer-ish friends that I have in LA are people that I met on Hinge that I was like, yeah, this person's cool, but I don't really want to date them. He's about to run into 30-year-old problems, though. And then we just kept hanging out.

He's going to run into the problem where he has too many people to hang out with. This has been happening a lot recently. He overbooks himself, right? Dude, who? Who is this happening to? All the time. All the time.

Yesterday. Wait, wait, wait. You're saying a 30-year-old problem has been happening to him? Yes. Okay, okay. In the sense that when you're older, usually you have too many obligations, people to hang out with friends you have to blow off a lot of

stuff and you're like oh i have to hang out when this happened to him yesterday yeah it brought up a very interesting point in the car today where we were like we were like our our problems start to make less and less sense the more normie the person is you explain them to because aiden missed his friend's birthday for a mario cart tournament and for us we get it did you tell them that yes yes i was honest with her because she knows about the event so i was like look this is just scheduled the same night my fault so usa went into finals against japan and japan delayed it an hour i so japan was supposed to start at 8 p.m and there was a a problem with the file. There's a bagger.

There's a bagger. There's a bagger. There's this guy. Okay, so he goes backward because the chance of getting the shock in tenth is 20%. So they play Mario Kart Wii

instead of Mario Kart 8. I love your name and impression. The point, the point with, or the thing that made it easy with her is like, she's not a normie.

I would say she's not a normie. She's a Mario Kart a normie she's a mario kart usa fan she's a hybrid she's a hybrid yeah she works well in every normie crowd yeah but is not an absolutely and most women are because they have to be like like right they like they have to like live these dual identities and usually guys can just be like 100 gamer like golem right yeah because i feel like you are like reprimanded in with within like women's social circles for being like really into something like like gaming yeah there's a classic phrase it's like name something like women don't get made fun of for doing right and it's kind of makes sense like guys get me fun too but they just get a lot of shit and uh yeah yeah it's not in the same way i feel like it's yeah i think i'm a normie so you are

because before this you were you were glued to your phone i was gonna bring this up watching the olympics yeah i've been watching the olympics i never gave a shit literally like a guy who found out the olympics existed today like earlier in the kitchen he's on his phone yeah i'm watching um i'm watching ping pong no no okay okay so we we we get home out of the car, right? And we're having this conversation about some of the business stuff to do with the podcast and like what we're gonna do from here. And we're like, well, we need to talk to Ludwig

about this today. Let's just like go home and like get this out of the way. He's probably not streaming yet. We can have that conversation. We come into the kitchen, you're on your phone and you're like, yeah, I'm watching ping pong finals right now. And I'm like, well, oh, that's cool.

Like, did you, like, finals already? And he's like, yeah, well, it might not actually be finals. He had no idea. He had no clue. He didn't know who was playing. He didn't know what stage of the tournament it was. And he's just like, he's ready to blow off this meeting because he's, like, fucking mid-ping pong match. I started my stream two hours late because I was watching the triathlon the whole way through were you really i watched all swimming

biking and running it was it riveting it was riveting content dude ludwig loves content he just does but he was all you so you're a normie because like back in like the bad melee days uh we would make fun of you because you were like bring up the news yeah you'd like want to talk about the news i love the news on bad melee no well he said he would say beforehand we were all hanging out he's like you guys hear about this like i do this thing in the news and we all looked at him like we're in a fucking house right now we're like three dudes are sleeping on the ground like we don't give a shit brother i love the news it was weird i can if you ever want during this pod a little news update i'm fresh i'm hot i'm ready hit us right now it's a new the u.s men's basketball team lost a match for the first

time since 2004 yeah against france what they lost to france oh but they're not out of the tournament it's cool they're still fine but it's pretty bad if you're losing to france yeah it's probably not crazy because the i didn't know they make basketballs in france i don't know they actually don't actually it's just people who play handball and they transition them. It's much bigger. It's easy. That's racist. It's kind of like water polo, but out of the water.

You think I can just run around? But they're all hands on the basketball. The U.S. basketball team gets iced out on occasion by the actual good right? By the actual, like, good players we could put on the team. They've literally not lost a game since 2004. Sometimes the egos are, like, too big. Sure. And, like, the top, top players, like, won't even join the team. Yeah.

But this year, we actually have a pretty good team in terms of the individual talent. This is a hard-studded lineup. Yeah. And we're still losing. Jason Tatum, Kevin Durant. We're still losing. Yeah. Jason Statham is on the U.S. men's team.

He's noted. Yeah. His vertical is crazy. He keeps just saying the interceptor and then saying where's the road? I'm on a transport as fucking bull I am.

Brought me a fucking Saz wagon. Yeah, no one else here watches the Olympics. They're riveting, dude. No, it's fine. It's just a few events, right? I think a few events

are really exciting. I didn't even know it started. I would watch it if I knew that. I'm a diehard nationalist the moment the Olympics come up. Hold hold on that's the other problem with it this year or the past two years or whatever has been such a shit show with the scheduling and moving it back it's been like the olympics has been in the news this tokyo olympics has been in the news for like four straight years yeah and i'm like i i don't care anymore you know they're

also very litigious they go i mean you see it with like streamers and stuff but like once it's olympic season they like they are very very litigious. They go, I mean, you see it with like streamers and stuff, but like once it's Olympic season, they like, they are very, very litigious about like, don't use our fucking name, bro. We probably have to bleep it out. Who? Of the Olympics. Oh, yeah. Do you know what happened?

There was a live streamer in Tokyo, IRL streamer, and he got banned, DMCA'd, taken down by the Olympics for filming the flyover in a park outside of the arena. They don't fucking play. It's crazy. What the fuck? Yeah. I don't know if it'll get overturned. Likely it should.

But they did take them down just for filming the flyover. And they run like triathlons in the streets of Tokyo. If you just happen to be like filming a guy who's biking, they're like fucking three feds take them out. Did you guys see the anti-sex beds that they tried to make? Yeah. Did you see the video? So there's this video of like three of the national team athletes. Anti-sex beds should have just had Eamon there.

Hey! You can't make this joke after the conversation we just had 10 minutes ago. I feel like you should have done it about maybe Nick. Yeah. I just. That's just also. He's. Eamon has.

You know, he takes him better. How can you make this joke both ways? That's the thing that's driving me insane. Shut the fuck up. What were you saying, though? So it's these three athletes from the Mexican Olympians. And they all like hug each other and like two of them tried at first they they like wrap their arms around each other and

then they jump onto the bed does nothing it doesn't budge yeah it just doesn't budge at all and then three of them do it like they they all like get in like a huddle and then they all collectively jump really high and then hit the bed and it just takes it. So who is that? What was it for? It's like an egg because I saw the way it was, right? If you're like fucking, you're doing like a

sort of horizontal You're saying the forward momentum. Yeah, motion and that'll like tip it over. But if you're like right on top, it's sturdy. Well, I got to imagine that they didn't like levitate over

and fall down. Like they jumped forward. I feel like it should have also the same way. Imagine two Olympians who have taken the feat that humans can do to the highest level looking at a bed and being like we can't do it yeah we can't figure out a way around if only you were like professional gymnastics and put could like

wrap your body around me while i stand straight up there's also a floor yeah it's not crazy to do that the jenny g will be like oh you normally sleep there. Also, the floor is lava, so. Oh, fuck. Yeah, that's, so. The Tokyo organizers told us it's lava this year. Dude, it's like, so they, it's funny because they try to prevent them from having sex because of,

it's like COVID, right? Yeah. But before that, it was like, it's a thing. It's like a lot of really young people too, right? Like a lot of them are just, they are athletes their entire young lives and then they go and they're like brilliantly genetically so fit everyone's so fit and they're just like and they just fuck like rabbits yeah so i also have a theory about this and it comes from an event in high school where if you're in any scenario where you're meeting people that you will never see

again the things you are willing to do are like just much crazier and i remember this because i was in like this uh this business club in high school where you competed in like little events and shit there's like the local competition and then you would go to state and then there was the national competition at the state competition there's like this dance that happens on the weekend right and it's uh you know it's like not two knots or anything. Wait, is it called like the business dance? It's called the National Nerd Convention for geeks and losers. That's what they called it. But dance, right?

Underneath. Yeah. Yeah, dance, yeah. Yeah, that dance. And then we would all, we went to the national competition one year, and the, I don't know, it's weird to talk about it now because everybody was in fucking high school, and it was very weird.

But the amount of sexual activity between teenagers at the national dance was absolutely insane and these people i had known for years who were like very like to themselves and like sort of goody goody in the environment of high school at home uh like kind of went for a bunch of things they would never normally do get a little loose with random people yeah and i think it's just that idea of like well i'm going to the olympics it's like i know i'm the best sprinter from uh canada and you're the best swimmer from china so go into door number two yeah we'll just bang it out this weekend and i'll never talk to you again you go home your boys you're like yeah i just fucked the best uh arms shooter from georgia

that's crazy yeah it is yeah it is crazy um they wait band geeks like i i talked about this a lot when the aiden rossing was going with you yeah where it's like the the joke is like oh this guy's fucking band band geek like band geeks fucked the most they get down yeah they get down that was such a weird it's that's how you know like they're all so young it's like you never have heard of the band camp thing where they just all fuck they fuck a lot that's real shit and it's funny because like that as an insult is basically saying also i i brought this up this is when you guys briefing austin but i was like they don't know that ludwig was an improv kid which is more embarrassing yeah right they could just bring that up i was a theater

kid i will say uh on that note uh when i was in high school i went to a theater party and i was in theater for one production i didn't do theater most of it i was a sports kid so it was like weird that i did i transcended boundaries the lead in legally blonde i was the i was the second lead i was warner the douche the doucher boyfriend yeah yeah instead of the nice one uh but i go to this party with a bunch of theater kids and and it starts out innocent. We watch – Who's on it anyway? No, what's the musical with Neil Patrick Harris? I would kill myself in real life.

The musical with Neil Patrick Harris? Oh, Dr. Horrible. Dr. Horrible sing-along blog. We watch that. Very innocent, nerdy theater stuff. Then it ends. They start to throw on music. They turn off the lights, and people start grinding.

One kid starts grinding on his girlfriend at the time, comes himself. He sperms himself. Live at the theater party. He come to himself live at the party. He spermed himself. Oh, no. And I was like, fuck, yeah.

So I jerk off in the corner trying to get involved too. No, you didn't. At the end of the party, everyone's jerking off in a different corner. I'm touching pay pays. You didn't jerk off. No, I did not jerk off but that did happen how do you know he cummed his pants was he like ah i came my pants like dude does it stain through his jeans

like there's no way i think i think it's like he did not it's pretty obvious when you cum yourself is it yeah you know what literally i can't say i know what it's like if one of us cummed ourself on this podcast i would know i'd be like have I would know. Have you done this not in your sleep before? Have I come? Just in your pants? You think I only come sleeping? No, no. The whole thing in your pants.

If you're coming in your pants while you're not sleeping, that's embarrassing. Yeah, I've come to myself. What's the context? Are you okay with saying that? I was like 16. Yeah, I was 16. I was like grinding with a girl and I come to myself.

No way. Yeah, I come to myself. This has never happened to me, so I don't know. It happened to me. It was embarrassing. I did it. I was 16. I was grinding with a girl, and I come to myself. No way. Yeah, I come to myself. This has never happened to me, so I don't know. It happened to me. It was embarrassing. I did it. I did it. I come to myself.

Dude, all of Cutie. I come to myself. I thought Cutie was just making fun of how long you lasted as like, ah, make fun of my boyfriend sort of thing. You're going to air that out. No, I do feel like. Oh, sorry. Was it not aired out on the 60 000 viewer roast

look i don't think we need to talk too much about my sex life but i last a great few minutes hey you know they're a fantastic few it's like a vine it's like uh the the those two twins those guys let's just say tiktok excited to three minutes and i won't make it through one of those uh back in back in high school uh me and my friends were all like hanging out and uh someone was just like brought up the idea of like oh what's the funniest place you guys have like jacked off before and we're going around the circle it's like we have like this air that like you know wherever you've done it no one's gonna judge you we're all just gonna find it funny and laugh and my friend my friend my friend's like oh like at a friend's house like oh that guy oh we

all know him and my other friend was like pay less shoes, and we all like laughs I we're like why everyone air walks. That's great. This guy's like still cool. We're like whoa That's fucking it. No, I have to tell story tell the story and my third friend He's like getting this the courage and everyone's telling their story because oh, oh, yeah, okay guys all right This is a little embarrassing, but I once jacked off at a horse race and Everyone's like, what? And no one thought he was cool. Everyone roasted the shit.

Why a horse rate? Why not think that was cool? Uh, it was just so funny. It was easier to make fun of. Yeah. It's just the rhythm of the conversation. And so we were just like,

we were saying giddy up. We were saying all this shit. All right. My dad, if like to, to sort of inform everyone about who my dad is. Where's his dad coming to this? Speaking of jerking off in a horse show. I'm telling you, this is going to be weird. So Aiden actually met my dad.

I met your dad. You met my dad. No, Aiden's dad met my dad. Can I explain how your dad is? I wish any of you were there for my dad meeting his dad. I would have loved to have seen that. Explain my dad. So I met your dad when he came over to the old house, and you weren't there.

And he's kind of like you because he, like, lies down and just watches TV, and he just seems like he just likes to get cozy. Like an animal, yeah. And he's watching it, and then occasionally he'll just go into a giant story. Like something will set him off, and he'll be like, Oh, God, yeah, my family own, like, we own, like into a giant story. Like something will set him off and I'll be like, oh, God. Yeah, my family owned like we own like a gasoline station. This is not that would never get like scratchies. And it was fucking Tony the Pew.

And he would pew pew in the streets every time we walk out as kids. Oh, God. And then like if you ask one question and like it'll be like a quest line and it'll start it. Like he'll go to a second section or you can end the storyline right there like character dialogue. My favorite part about Anthony's dad is that like he'll lay down on the couch and like someone will be somewhere near him in the room but not anywhere near to him to have a conversation. And he'll just be watching a movie and he'll be like, he's a shitty actor. What's this guy doing on the screen? But like someone is meant to like receive that message. So like aiden will like take his headphones off like are you talking to

me and he just like this is exactly what happened because in the old house in the old house where i sat downstairs was just at like one end of the room kind of opposite to the living room but it's all one open space even though there's a lot of distance right so his dad would sit in the living room all day and i would be on my computer and then i have my headphones on and then he yeah he did this all the time it was crazy he would just break into stories and i would just i started doing the autopilot i just go oh yeah and like oh yeah that's my dad actually trained amon to be the asshole he is now Elder Scrolls music Plays when your dad talks Dude

My dad He's so fucking annoying And he's like He's a cartoon character Great stories Little back story on my dad He is like He hasn't like paid

Actually I shouldn't say that He's a bit of a Ludwig viewer Enough attention to me Yeah My dad is a He gambles for a living In Las Vegas He bets sports he's been

doing it for about 40 years so very old that is hype uh he lives like this very vagabond weird lifestyle he's like uh the old he's like an italian guy old old as fuck and he is a cartoon character i have never actually like even when my mom died we like barely connected it was really he's just unable to do it or he refuses i don't know either way he's he's a fucking so he'll do that but he'll do it to me and be like oh what's this guy doing on the screen oh i hate this guy and it's like are you talking to me stop it and so the reason why i say this my dad has stories right he talks about his life he's been around for a long fucking time one time uh he tells me this story about the time. He went to an orgy and He said he was like 16 or 17

He like hated his parents and he he got it in the 70s Apparently you could do anything and people like talked like idiots my dad's What was it like his his his outlook on like women and asking them out or like whatever? He's like you asked a hundred hundred girls out 99 and say no one of them says yes yeah and i'm like do you like i i would tell like you your game is so bad probably like did you how did you ever pull girls and that's what he told me yeah and it's a numbers game yeah it's like it's a numbers game and then dude still calls them broads. I visited. I went with him. Sweetheart. Hey, sweetheart,

come here. Sweetheart. I went with him to his old hometown. It was a long time ago. We went up with one of his old high school friends and he's weird too. He's like,

oh, you and my old man, we're a couple of c***. What? In my head, I'm like, who? I've never heard that word.

That's a dark souls enemy up until you told that story the first time i've never heard that phrase and i'll say it ever when i'm trying to make you guys laugh i'll like i'll pull out and it's just like really crap it cuts so hard i do not like that it'll get this video demonetized actually so my dad we'll have to mute out that word my dad i'm sorry i dad, sorry, he tells me this story. This was a long time. He's like, I'll tell you, I went through an orgy. And I'm like, what are you talking about?

He's like, so I was like 18, and I flew out to California because I knew a guy out there who played jazz. He's actually really good at the piano, which is also weird. And he's like, you know, I play jazz. You know, I hang out with the jazz guys. By the way, that's also what Anthony would do every day or anthony's dad would do every day while he stayed at her house is he would sit all day watch tv and then about every two hours he would play piano and then read a book for 30 minutes yeah and then go back to the tv and it was just and all the while

wishing he was gambling yeah yeah i'm just a man of culture all around and so he he's like i went to california and i i i like i met up with these guys and they took me to this mansion. It was like this rich people's mansion. And I figure out it's an orgy. And everyone's taking their clothes off and they start having sex. And I'm like 16, right? And so I start, you know, I take off my clothes. And he's so crass, dude.

And I start pulling my pud in the corner. No way. He said this. I start pulling my pud in the corner. No way. He said this. I start pulling my pud. He's like the lyrics of a Primus song. Pulling my pud? I've never heard that word. I've never heard pud in my life.

And I go up to this woman, and she's naked, and I'm like, hey. And he's talking about himself, and he's being a prick. He's like, hey, could you possibly perhaps like suck my dick? Could you plush in my pud? And she goes, no. And he's like – and so I didn't have sex with anybody and I just ended up just leaving and I went home. He jerked off in the corner in an orgy. That was the story he told

you and that's so that's when you said that it all come flooding back like slumdog millionaire dude just like i went to an orgy you know like i was jerking off my own pud what the fuck you know what i mean just like ludwig at 16 at his theater party i i i love my dad because he's my father but i also fucking hate he's a pleasure to meet sometimes yeah but it's like it's fun when it's like someone you don't have to deal with oh sure yeah if i woke up and had to live with him daily it'd be different that'd be a different interaction that'd be very constant i can't i can't get over pulling my tugging on my pud i was pulling my pud

and i was like the podcast one time I was like, the podcast. One time it was at, it was a Thanksgiving. I visited him. He always stays at his friend's place of Thanksgiving there. Like, you know, that he knows cause he never has his own place or whatever.

And I was like, I was like, dad, one day you're going to die and I'm never going to know who you actually are. And it was crazy. Cause we're driving, I'm driving my car and he's like, he kind of like look out the window.

He's like, I'll tell you one day. And I was like, he just tells you the orgy story again. All right. And that was the closest I ever got to like having a real, real conversation with him. And so, yeah, that's my dad. I'm sure I'll remember more shit as the months roll on.

We did do a disservice last episode. What happened? And I'm on the pulse of the yard community. The news. The yard news. The yard news. episode will happen and uh and i'm i'm on the pulse of the the yard community the news the yard news the yard news uh people were irate that you never told your republican girl story dude okay this i all right people were mad because we we we talked about it and what it teased to go is that that story where you had sex with a republican yeah we just roll

by it yeah we skipped it and if i can set the stage a little bit i'm not going to spoil anything please but this is in the era where anthony lived and slept in my closet yeah because he was it was in between jobs and rather than just find a new place to stay he's like well i'll just sleep in you're not laying it thick enough it has become a personality trait for him i cite it every time to talk about how he lived in a closet i cite it whenever i'm the chips are down and i need to say what i'm what i'm glad we started collectively pushing back on this by the way it's annoying because we'll be like oh shit they they don't have like they just don't have like the right uh tonkatsu ramen today i'd be like i slept in a closet i don't care i walked uphill both ways i got socks for christmas

closet guy also wants to move into the biggest room right now the big bedroom yeah he'll move into the big bedroom and be like yeah yeah whatever you know what that story was a different me and the new me is different too but you still bring it up like you're still bringing it up like that's you yeah because sometimes when you go to war you don't forget okay that's his valor to be fair to he isn't exaggerating by the way, because I never got to see it in person. But I saw the photos. And it's like a pantry closet. And the floor was filled.

Every inch of the floor is filled by the bed and Anthony's stuff. And then he just sleeps between the shelves. On like a pad. That's the awesome part. There's this beautiful photo that exists. Exactly perfect. between the shelves. It was on like a pad. That's the awesome part. There's this beautiful photo that exists of our friend Mike tucking his dick and ball in between his legs

and he's got a hell of a bush. And he's standing out like a Greek statue in front of the closet while Anthony is just sleeping on like a floor mat in a closet. That's pretty hype.

Tell you what. I gotta see that. I'll censor it. If we ever launch the patreon that'll be the first thing first post yeah you see as long as mike's cool we do have to ask mike we have to cut in but yes to paint a picture he slept in a closet the closet had to stay open for him to sleep in it because the bed was too long for the size of it also a large obstacle in his dating life because all he had was a closet when it came to where he slept.

If you wanted to bring a girl back, it would be like literally the most embarrassing interaction ever. All right, get in this closet so I can have sex with you. So when I,

and at the time I was dating, right? I was on dating apps. I don't drink. I haven't drank or done drugs in a long time. And I,

so basically like bars and shit like that, I don't like going to them it's not for me so like dating apps are pretty much my only way they're broken for you it's just well not broken like i didn't like i didn't slay like i was i gotta test this i also don't drink they suck dating apps no bars and shit that's what i'm saying it's never a good time i feel like it's a new like the avenue would be kind of it'd be much harder to date without dating yeah it was great i mean it was a way for me to like meet people and date.

And so, yeah, I was in a bit of a pickle, right? I'm living in this closet for $200 a month, which is great. Great deal. I live with all my buds. I have a new cool job at Beyond the Summit, right? This is all great for me. 27, mind you.

Years old? 28, I think, 27, 28. No, 27. Yeah. Wait, no, it was 28. It was three years three years ago no it's 37 and then 28 yeah so what dude no i think it adds context how old are you i'm 26 right now cap what do you i'm not saying this i'm more so saying like oh you're because it's different when you're 19 bringing a girl back to a closet yeah well that's that is different yeah that is true a 28 year old woman is a lot different to bring back i also would never so so the way what i did was when i would meet girls

and we'd go on dates and we'd have good times or whatever we like click uh i would i would have to basically i would say i would tell the truth i was like listen i sleep at my friend's house in like a small room i would tell the truth i would tell the truth interesting closet guy disappears when it matters most yeah yeah so i'm just gonna tell the truth to her you know oh that's yeah i've got a studio i've got a studio i live in closet closet guy when it's convenient i doubt slime without the movies and they got popcorn there's no butter he goes it's all right i sleep in a closet my place my place actually is a walk-in closet it's yeah it's a really nice place yeah a lot of storage so i i matched with this girl on tinder and um she was like 25 or something she's she's 2017 trump's in the white house trump is in the white house and she's like she's pretty cute and i'm like okay

cool and so we end up meeting at this boba place um and we we sit down we start like you know having a conversation the way you do and um like amin had said before on the podcast i'm a great date you know i'm very very fun and i make joke and you know connect and all that stuff and so okay the first thing was wrong was when she said you're real like jordan peterson and she walked in the boba shop and said i love this oriental spot yeah no you got the best zingers like ben shapiro you i mean you joke but like so here was the first red flag she we start talking and stuff and then this is around the time like moana came out and i remember we were just like talking about movies and i was like oh i saw moana like i actually didn't really like it

because that's true i i thought it was like not the best you know whatever animated movie uh-huh and um she's like yeah you know what me neither i i have finally she dead ass says this she's like she and i didn't like how everyone made so much of a big deal how they were um and she's searching for the words and she she lands on colored oh my god and i'm like i mean yeah like it's the i i think that it's you know it's still a good thing what word does she normally find there so this is what i was thinking right when he told me this the first time i was like dude if that's the word that she searched for and got to what did she where was she at before dude i know word n word version two i know and so already i'm like holy shit this person sucks right but she's really pretty and and it's been a while and it's the person who dated adolf hitler

this is like like he's so cool this is like the when uh was just like No this is like He's so like Like he's so cool This is like the When Gal Gadot thing From earlier today It's like Gal Gadot is so attractive But then you have to wrestle With this like

No no we don't You do That's not our Cross the bear She's your celebrity past Not ours She's your Israeli army queen Yeah and then I found out

She was in the Israeli army And I'm like Fuck As if there was like this chance before you were locked in cogs we usually red flag one wait wait when i ask aiden about like uh hypotheticals with like women it's like okay what does she look like gal gadot and but like she had this personality trait he's like oh i give her like three dates you know because that's like his standard for like who he thinks is very beautiful until you know we found out that she was you know yeah he was he was stipulating that i would continue dating gal gadot because she's so

beautiful even if she was boring and i was like yeah yeah gal i mean i had a really good time on the first date but you know the whole israeli thing is it's a little much for me i just feel like i can't it doesn't sit well with me and uh i think we it's best if we go our separate ways i'd love to stay friends i love to still smash so okay okay red flag number one we're in this boba shop and it's like fine okay and so it we you know other than that she seems really interested in me and i'm like okay sure and you know i i want to make it clear i don't have any intention of like being in a relationship with this person already yeah it's like i i would never be in a relationship with someone who like searched to find a word to describe someone who is not white and landed on that one

who's also hawaiian right like what the fuck what is she i cannot believe it like it's hawaiian so okay and so we we she she's like we're like, she's really excited to like be with me. And she's like, do you want to get some food? And I'm like, oh, sure. Because we're just drinking boba. And she's like, do you want to go to Denny's? I like Denny's. That's why she didn't say like Hooters or something.

Buffalo Wild Wings? Do you want to go to Buffalo Wild Wings? Denny's is terrible. You know B-dubs? I know the guy there with the tattoo of the flag on his chest. I get a great deal on wings I fuck the bartender So we're like I'm like yeah sure

She's like yeah I know Denny's near here So we both drove That's six you knew on We both drive to the Denny's And so dude we go in And we We get a table and it's the Denny's And she's sitting down and our waiter

um is an asian guy he's asian american and he's like and i'm already like oh fuck me and she's like the boss music starts to play she's like gripping her fork and knife really aggressively she apparently comes to this denny's a lot and when the guy, you know, serves, like puts drinks down, you know, gives us a, gets our drinks and walks away. She's like, that guy's always in here

and he's so rude to me. He's so rude. And she won't like stop talking about how this particular server is just really mean. At her regular Denny's that she goes to all the time. Yeah, and I'm like, in my head, I'm like, yeah, probably, dude. Yeah, I'll have the grand

slam which american cheese dude take the cheddar out of it i want american cheese and and and so and then every time he comes by he's like she's very short with him yeah and he's like really nice i hate people like that i know she's like you're meeting the servers it's so and the guy's fine and i'm like and i'm paying so i make sure to tip him well like you know not show her right it's like yeah they tipped him zero but this cringe lord so so we were at denny's and we're still like you know talking and by this point i'm really checked out like this is before adderall for me which i take you know as prescribed now but like by this point, she's

like really boring. She's racist, probably. And I'm just like, I am so kind of just like checked out. And whenever she's talking, I'm just like, uh-huh, uh-huh. And I'm not, I don't have any energy or brightness at all. And so she's like, she's still having a very good time. And she's like, do you, what are you uh you know what are you doing tonight and i'm like oh i'm not sure what are you like go to a bernie rally and i'm about to tee up and say you know ah my room is so tiny you know because it's it's looking like it's going toward that direction uh where we're gonna you know like go to someone's place or something.

And she's like, oh, well, I live with my dad. So I don't think we could – Because he'll kill you and shoot you with a gun. Her dad was a cop. I forgot that part. I forgot. But that comes into play later. Sure.

She spawns from cops. Dude, holy shit. Oh, my god. There's still so much more to this. So we go. And she's like – we go out the day she's like you know what i haven't gone to in a while is a drive-in and there's a drive-in where you know near we where we are and i was like yeah me neither i was like five years old i saw the

batman movie and um and it's it's striking me now where she kind of took me to a place that was very americana right she took me to denny's and then she took me to a drive-in. She was very attracted to this idea of like an American good time. This is like the Republican mid-Sommer. She's like, here, drink this. I went to a boba shop and that's like, for her, I bet she was like, fuck this. No, dude, I remember now. Did you order Coke?

We went and she was like, she didn't like the things they had and she made a point to like say that and i'm like now i get it yeah i forgot all about that so all right can i just get a can i get an american coffee do you guys have bang or or maybe a truly bud light please no i don't want the little balls in there yeah so and so she fucking it's crazy and so she fucking

we go and we go to the drive-in and it's the only movie that's playing right now is Jumanji with Dwayne the jock Ronson

right and uh you know he's not a white guy so I'm surprised she wanted to see that movie he's also in Moana he is

it's poetic isn't it like hop into the movie and she's like he that movie he's also in moana he is also it's poetic isn't it like hop into the movie and she's like he's fine he's fine like yeah dude so we he's one of the good actors so we watch so uh we go in her car and um she like she's she's done this before right she's gone to drive through drive-ins before she like backs up she like opens the trunk and like gets it so it's it's cozy and we uh over cult 45 and we're watching this fucking jumanji movie and you know we're cozy and then i just you know i make a move and um that's and so that and so now and then so it's it's there was like another car and that was the only other car in the in the drive-in and we have sex in the drive-in wow during the movie was that weird were you not close to another car or were you not like it was pretty far down okay but i was i also calculated that and i was like you know what

if they just get like she she seems okay did you have a condom uh she opened the glove box to find a condom she seems like she's done this date many times she opens the glove box for a condom and goes through baseball cards and a Bible. And a Ronald McDonald toy. I wish we could have the Denny's waiter as a guest to say how many times he's seen her with a different boy. And then outside her, let's go to the drawing room. How many times has someone run the Republican gauntlet for that? Dude, and how many have failed? How many let their morals get the best of them you go down and slam at the park at the drive-in my favorite post

hardcore band and we uh so we have sex and um you know and we finish up and we watch the movie and it's it's it's fine and uh we end up like packing up and it seems fine and so we're driving back dude and here's where it gets really weird so she's taking me back to the denny's and it's a bit of a drive from the denny's to the drive why is she in the denny's because my car was there okay uh because we took her i'm hungry again yeah and if that guy's there i I swear to God. And so fucking go back to Denny's. And on the way, we're on like the 10, and it's really late. And she starts fucking, dude, I thought I was going to die. She's driving.

She's driving like, she had just got her car. And she's like, I love having like a new car. It means I can just like abuse it, right? I can speed. Right, so true. And we're right so true and we're still talking and we're still talking and she starts bringing up like the police and like police uh you know how dangerous their job is yeah and this is this is where i start giving some static where i'm like yeah i don't know i think that i i think that their job might be hard but i think they're in a position of power and oftentimes and this is before you know a lot of the cultural things that before george floyd yeah like before it became like the

hottest thing to talk about sure um and i'm still like yeah i don't i do think that there's a lot of problems with the way that that we police things and she starts getting really heated and she's like but it's just not fair like they they just go they they get put up put through so much and you know people and they get killed and i'm like yeah you know and i'm just like i back up because i'm like oh whatever while we're having this conversation she's doing like 95 oh my god she's going she's in she's like so so like so like you you agree with me right she's like going faster like well i don't she's like you agree with me she's going really fast and she started she just it's like fight club but tyler durden is like a racist republican girl and um and she's and she starts and so someone on her right is deciding that

they want to go fast too and she's like oh my god i think he's trying to race me and she keeps flooring it what a psycho so now we're going like 105 and i'm in the car and at this point i'm like i'm i'm pretty much going through the the idea like yeah i might die today you know this might happen this is what happens you go really fast and you make a mistake and you and you get incinerated and i'm just like you know i die i wake up in the denny's i get another chance but i'm not supposed to have sex with her yeah It's God telling me. Groundhog day. Yeah. And so, and I don't say anything because part of me,

in this period of my life, I'm like, you know what? Fuck it, right? Like, if this happens, it happens. I'm not going to, that period of our lives.

I'm not going to give her this. I'm not going to say that I'm scared because part of me feels like she wants me to. I respect that. You know, so I'm like, yeah, all right. yeah all right and uh and finally afraid of guns pussy liberal boy dude are you afraid of going fast and she she so the like this person like slows down she slows down and she like goes to normalcy we finally get off uh on of the highway and i remember this very very clearly in particular and she's like she gets off and she's saying like

she keeps talking to me about like you know society and like you know obviously she's like leaning toward these topics that want to be very like you know i want to take a side on this and she's saying like i think like gender roles too like i i just i i'm the kind of girl who like i really like when a man like takes charge you know? And she was explaining this to me right after she started fucking, like, going 105. And I'm like, I bet that was, like, some sort of weird test for her. Like, she wanted me to say, hey, you know, you got to slow down or something, right? Sure. I remember it because we were coming off the exit and she said that it was a stoplight.

It was very, like, it got burned in my memory. I'm like, that's so weird that this is happening. And she takes me back to Denny's. And, and, you know, I have this, by the way, I want to say this whole date, I have been pushing back on a lot of the stuff she's saying in a very passive way where I'm like, yeah, I don't I don't really think I agree. I think that this and this and this, you know, I'm not like, I'm not saying I think you're a bad person you're wrong which is what i felt but i was just like being cordial uh which is honestly like a pussy thing to do sure you were no i think it's the chance of hooking up later i also think in the context of just like a random

date where you have like no control over a lot of the factors it's pretty fair you're not helping society if you just say fuck you i don't know but to this day like i feel i feel sort of like i shouldn't have really, I should have just, like, left or, like, stood tall or something. I was surprised how long you stayed. I mean, because, like, she was very, very into me, right?

And I was like, there's a big chance we'll have sex tonight and that's something I want. I do like how she's driving back at 105 going through Republican issues just to see if you're on her side for anything. Bro, that's what it felt like. Gun rights. She was, like like gun rights she was like he checking cops yeah dude she kept bringing up cops and i found out her dad's a cop in that conversation right do you like my shirt it's blue and i'm like

you like this color so we we come back to the denny's and but again this time so finally she just straight up asks me she's like what are yours like your political like that's so funny like what's your like political belief yeah and i was like this is back when the word liberal to me meant um you know right now i feel like that's not what it means it is there's like a disdain for that word liberal yeah there's a disdain to it and i agree with that disdain but at the time i described i was like oh i'd say i'm like a pretty i'm pretty like liberal guy and or like pretty on the left side and no she's I was the one who said left side I remember this because she said oh wow yeah I mean I'm definitely like uh you know I'm more toward the right and uh and I'm like yeah she's doing the

thing like it sounds like she's doing the thing through the whole date where she's sort of doing the like soft you know line cast to see if you give her any ground so she can like really get and i never did right every time she'd like like basically heat check me on that i'd be like well no i i don't really agree i think that there's this side to it and that's you know what i and so but she says this really interesting thing where she's like oh yeah well you know it's really interesting i don't think i've ever dated anyone who's um you know like liberal a she has to go through more words again yeah colored and so so she she she does all this and uh and she said that implying that she's really interested in seeing me again she's ready to she's ready to finally and what i said was like i was like yeah you know i think that i can change him

and i don't do the aiden thing because that freaks me out but you want to test drive trucks later i was i was definitely like yeah i mean i think that you know issues are meant to be talked about and i you know i like seeing people for the person. In my head, I'm like, I would like to have sex with her again, but that is pretty much as much as I'm going to do. And that's how the conversation ends. We have a kiss goodnight, and I drive home, and I go to the closet like an animal, and I go to sleep. an animal and go to sleep and so and so i i get to work the next day and i'm like i'm gonna tell people at work about this because it's really funny yeah and so i tell mick uh i tell my boss and and i i'm getting kind of like roasted for it for like and it's like and i'm and all this

shit and i'm like yeah and and so but here's the thing i am i i still want to like do the what do you call it we had also matched on snapchat or not match but she gave me her snapchat too and when we uh when we were talking on on tinder and yeah i remember it was tinder now because i would see her on bumble like a couple weeks later and her shit said no liberals. What? I should have said that at the end. I can see her account. She's wearing a cowboy hat and boots.

She's at Coachella with her friends. She didn't. No liberals. She didn't dress like a goddamn hillbilly. Sure. Once you get the download, you can see it in their eyes. You know what I mean? That they're ready to fight. This reminds me of something I saw.

I've never met someone whose personality is so much intertwined with their political beliefs. Really? I guess. In college? In dating. In dating. Sure, sure, yeah. I've met people like that.

Well, a family guy, some would argue, is a political belief, Ludwig. Yeah, that is true. That is true. And so the way this ends is that. Like this one time in Family Guy. The way this ends is that I message her the next day. And, you know, you just basically you say, hey, I am, you know, thinking about you and I and I see you. Right. Like I am. You do the follow up.

I do the follow up. And I said something was like, sorry to whoever was in this meeting. But I was like, oh, I'm in a meeting right now. And it's so boring. And how is your how's your day going? And she just doesn't respond and i'm like huh okay and then uh she just doesn't respond and then i think i sent another at night no response and i'm like huh okay that's kind of weird let's give you know whatever and i and then i wait the next day and um she she i remember because i had iphone she had a non-iphone because there were green messages

so I couldn't see if they were delivered. But then I crack open Tinder again because it's, you know, and she's unmatched me. Wow. And I'm like,

huh, okay. What changed? And then I checked my Snapchat. Oh, you're gone? She deleted me. Oh,

shit. Sheesh. And then, I just don't message her at all again. And that's it. I never spoke to her. Because she went home then I just don't message her at all again. And that's it. I never spoke to her. Because she went home.

I never spoke to her ever again. You went out with a liberal boy? Dude, and that was that. Maybe she was trying to protect you from her father. Yeah. He was on your case. Oh, I swear. I found it.

I found it. So this is a dating profile from the beginning of this year. And I thought this was an insane bio. Okay. It blew my mind because this person is just i don't know looking i feel like looking at them they're just like really pretty and uh yeah i i've never seen a profile like this in my life yeah the first thing it says uh i get along best with people who are dorks like me if you watched filthy frank growing

up i will probably love you lol that's my kind of humor that's the first part and then the second part is you should not go out with me if you don't like kids i'm a mom if you couldn't tell if you watched anime dubbed or if you're a liberal that is crazy yeah how does that person exist and i was like this is such a crossover a mother who watches anime sub who hates liberals on filthy frank huge i will not call old youtube like she grew up on it it's not old youtube old no she's pretty young old youtube is like charles trippy i would say and like it's it's decently old shay carl for nowadays it's considered old i'd say i was in high school it's like that meme of the three different Jokers

where it's like Ancient Gamer and it's like Halo 3, Modern Warfare 2. Dude, it was like some absurd bingo card of things that just happened to me on our profile. And there are probably hundreds, if not thousands, of people who are also like that. And you've got to find Eamon. Just DM Eamon again on Twitter.

He'll give you their info. At Aiden Calvin if you want to DM himamon, just DM Eamon again on Twitter. He'll give you their info. At Aiden Calvin, if you want to DM him, if there was any confusion. And thank you very much. Don't DM me. Once again, shout outs to Coinbase, our sponsor of the podcast two weeks in a row. That's huge. You guys can all download Coinbase on the app store. It's pretty much just the main thing I use when I'm copping some crypto.

I'd like to DM them. You know what I'd say? What? Coinbase. Thanks, Coinbase, for sponsoring the podcast. That's what I would say, too, actually. It's funny you say that. But yeah, they're sponsoring the podcast.

At this point, pretty much the best way you can support them is just literally get Coinbase. Let them know in any social. You can follow them. You can just be like, yeah, the yard brought me here. Let them know the yard sent coinbase let them know in any social you can follow them you can just be like yeah the yard brought me here and let them know the yard sent you let them know the yard you know and you're probably wondering where his fucking cowboy hat came from that's actually a uh something to do with that so you'll see that we have a coinbase shoot coming yeah you'll see it soon you'll see that mogul money and i directed i directed again me and christopher nolan both titans of the industry so me and chris know yeah i call him c baby c baby me and c baby do that you don't call him you wouldn't call him that you don't call him at all you wouldn't call him that who

christopher nolan oh i don't call sorry c baby c baby i just don't hear the other word yeah so yeah anyway that's there you go guys that's that uh saga of my life i am impressed by the number of people that just worked down to have sex in your car his car was probably nicer than where we lived at the time yeah in a lot of ways uh because i think something that we've never spoken about on this is uh the piss and shit house they're not ready for that yet you don't think they're not i actually like this This is I'm Is this the worst place

You've ever lived What's the worst place Everybody has ever lived It's the worst living conditions It was a fine house Wait wait wait Like worst conditions Did you think it was the worst place

You've ever lived Worst conditions By far Not by friendship By far I loved it there Okay I didn't

I loved it there too Give me the room I love Don't let him do this to me. Yeah. Do you hear him? Give me the room. You gotta stop.

You gotta stop. You can't keep getting away with this. I loved like the memories and the friends, but it was a dog shit place. It was hell. Yeah. Hell. It was hell. It was hell.

I would sleep over there. We didn't have water. Yeah. So I would sleep over. I would sleep over to hang out and there's no water you could drink. There's no cups even. So if you wanted to like drink out of the tap, it wasn't even possible. There was also sometimes the water itself would get shut off, so you couldn't wash your hands. We had a day where we had nine people in the house at once.

We were housing people for a smash tournament, and I'll never forget this. Miles comes up to me, our friend from Australia, and he was staying with us at the time. He comes up, and he goes, hey, the wall is hot and i'm like what he's like the wall like i'm touching it and like it feels hot and i'm like what does that mean i'm like are you sure i'm like oh that's fun i don't know it's like hot in the house he's like no no like really hot like it's burning my hand and i'm like oh shit and i i go over and i'm looking at the wall i'm like looks normal to me touch it it's like scolding hot and i'm like what oh shit. And I go over and I'm looking at the wall. I'm like, looks normal to me. Touch it. It's like scalding hot.

And I'm like, what the fuck is this? And then I put my ear up to it. Like I don't touch it, but I put my ear up to it. And I just hear, and I'm like, what's in there? And there's just a hot water valve that burst. And it's just emptying into our home. So I'm like, fuck, you know, on the staircase that goes up. Yeah.

Oh, that's right. Because there's that big hole forever. So I'm like, oh, fuck. Our house is going to flood. Oh, shit. So I call, like, the water company. I'm like, please shut off our water. Our house is going to flood.

They shut it off. And then our fucking landlord, who lived in China and never responded to emails. I email him like incessantly over and over again. And I'm like, our water doesn't work. Please do something about this because like we, we need it fixed. And, uh, he, he finally replies and he's like, uh, yeah, so the water's just going to be off for a while and I'm going to send someone out to fix it. So we had three days where nine people were in the same home with no water. That's no showers, no flushing toilets. The only way to flush a toilet was to carry a bucket of water upstairs and put it in the back tank. Life hack, by the way, if you didn't know that.

Yeah, that is true. You can manually flush a toilet. You just need water. External water. Also in this house, during the same period, the downstairs toilet was broken. The whole time. And we wrote the entire,

almost the entire time we lived there. Yeah. Because someone broke the chain that pulls the plunger up and flushes the toilet. Pretty easy fix. Pretty easy fix. All of us were lazy.

And we wrote a sign that sat above the toilet that said, do not shit or piss in this toilet it does not work but the amount of people who would come through this home high off their ass i'll tell the story of one man named yosemite dabs that was his gamer tag who once came through and took nine dabs in our living room well let's be clear also this house was like it was like a trap house it was like a trap house yeah the garage was literally called the dabratory i remember yeah miles

really like he like we were driving somebody home and they're like i gotta take a shower before my flight he's like just shower in the trap yeah so this is this is your condition side question have you hit a dab before uh i think I did there. Really? Possibly, yeah. A lot of people have the first time. But to be very clear, I did it. I always do it in a very reserved baby boy way where I, you know, yeah, I don't put it in the throat and cough for eight minutes straight. I just put it in my mouth and go, and I go, that was great. Oh, that dab was crazy, guys.

I don't care to be performatively high. They're actually high. There would just constantly be people like Yosemite Dabs who would go into our guest bathroom and then just shit in it. Yeah. And then come out and be like, so the toilet in there isn't flushing. What do I do? And now I'm like, is this my fucking job? Who's going to do this shit?

And often it became my job to fix the toilet. One of the times I went over there was with one of the best Luigi players in Arizona. And he was underage and he drank a lot. And then it was one of his first times, I think, drinking that much. And he just threw up everywhere on the floor. And Nick, again, he doesn't drink. He never drinks. So he's always the sober guy. And everyone gets it's fucked up it's a trap house basically

everyone's either high or drunk and nick's sober time so he just like comes out and he's like a sim and he's like oh what am i doing oh and this is this is some extra context this is off the back of like i'm very pissed off because we had just deep cleaned the entire house for the one time of year we actually do that. And then they all – it was like – it's like in the movies when it's like, ah, all clean. And then a fucking bull comes in the house and kicks everything over. It's like mother. Yes. Yes.

I was the – And Nick is Jennifer Lawrence. I was Jennifer Lawrence's mother. And I'm just like, guys, let's just keep everything clean. They're like, yeah, yeah, we got it. I turn around, turn back, and they're fucking pissing on the wall and shitting everywhere. Hey, don't sit on that. Don't sit on the sink.

Yeah, and then I look over, and they're just back sitting on the sink. It was literally like- There were, like, parties, like, you know, every other week, or just even, like, smash gatherings all the time. It was, okay, it was smash fests. There was a lot of traffic. But there was a lot of people who just, like, lived in the like played smash but their friends didn't and they would invite them and they would just be some of those guys some of those guys oh i'll never fucking forget roy because he'll never watch this i'll never fucking forget roy and it was crazy because i was like hey there's

a character in this video game we're playing it's your name and he was like whoa dude that's crazy at some point tell him what roy can say i'm sitting on this couch next to roy roy does not play super smash brothers but everyone around him does so he's sitting there baked out of his fucking mind just watching us play telling miscellaneous stories that are all terrible he i can't remember to this day what exactly he said but he made some sort of joke that would that was like homoerotic some like homoerotic joke and then he goes oh but i'm not gay i'm not gay guys he's looking around and i'm like just playing male i'm not even listening to a story i'm like oh that's fine even if you are i don't care whatever

he's like i'm not i'm not and he's like tapping my leg he's like i swear dude i swear i'm not he sounds like kyle mooney yes yes he's literally he's literally like dude. I swear. I'm not. Bro, I'm not. He sounds like Kyle Mooney. Yes. Yes. He's literally like every Kyle character. And I'm like, dude, if you are, I don't mind. What? Me, dude?

I'm like. No, dude. I've never. At the time. Dick. Bro, I've never sucked anything. At the time, there's like a gay person and a bisexual person who both live there. I'm like, dude, a lot of our friends here here gay. We don't care. It's please stop telling

I'm the straightest It's okay That guy About the bathroom that you can't shit or piss in? What do you want to tell me? So Miles slept downstairs. You know,

he would piss in the sink. Oh, yeah. I did too. Like a urinal. I did too. Oh, in the bathroom. Yeah, yeah. That's a strat.

I remember that. It was a urinal. And once Miles told me that, I just stopped washing my hands in there. Because it was always really hot. Dude, that bathroom was so fucking cursed. Because one, everyone pissed in the sink. No light.

No light? Okay, so the only light was a window with no cover. So if anyone was outside, they'd just see you in there. They'd just see you. People were pissing in the sink. And then at some point, Neeper got a fucking cat. Or was it Noel? Someone got a cat.

I don't remember. Both of them got cats. And they put the litter box in this bathroom. So it always smelled like either cat shit or human shit, depending on what had happened in there the past hour. So I will say, I had a very spiritual connection to that house because for one,

that's what the Australians say, I'm a good type of slash. Yeah. And so we'd slash outside. Peeing slash. Yeah. And so we'd slash outside. Peeing in the yard. And so we would walk outside. This is where the yard comes from. Is that specific yard?

That's the house that birthed the name of this podcast. Absolutely, it did. But I think it was the Arizona guys who coined it. Oh, maybe. Sure. Well, the yard of a place where you go and throw down. No, I meant slashing. Oh, really?

Yeah. I think it was Ben. Oh, yeah. The Arizona guys, they're really funny. And they've come up with a lot of guys are they're really funny and they've come up with a lot of things that we've just stolen and beaten in the ground yeah so shouts out um but so we would i would go out there and we would just piss on the grass from this stone like slab you know we're like the porch we brought up before there's a visual on the twitter

yeah i mean that's that's the yard and so but it was funny because the grass grass doesn't grow very well when you do that no no no there were patches in the backyard we're but it was funny because the grass grass doesn't grow very well when you do that no no no there were patches in the backyard we're just there was just dead grass because of all the adult men who would piss out there it was like just filled and filled with piss when i went to mizkif's house he has this thing where he likes peeing from the balcony and i was there on the balcony with him and he's like hey lud come over here and i stand up and i walk over and it's not the balcony it's small so i'm like i'm not coming over very far and he's like it's really fun to piss down here you want to piss can people see him from there i you could see him from anywhere

in the house yeah no no from like the street or something no no no and so we both piss out there and i look down he's like yeah the grass is all dead from that small related confession i've done that more than once off our balcony yeah really peeing is pretty fun when it falls a farther yeah it goes so far well there's a there's a podcast i used to listen to by the way inspiration for any podcast i ever did is called the film drunk broadcast throughout for a long time also one of the members ended up dying of cancer shout outs to ben uh may rest in peace but But it was really, really funny. And I remember that podcast, they had talked about a time where someone had sat on a dock that was overhanging some water and was very high up. And they basically had to take a shit.

And so it was the nighttime in the moonlight. And they hung their ass off this dock and they took a shit, right? And the time in between the poop leaving their butthole and hitting the water was like it was like breathing the manna of the earth right the most beautiful zen experience you could ever have uh and i thought that i always think about that um real quick the yard uh at that place a lot of piss um what else was the fruit throwing no it was fucking it was just about more piss and more shit i forgot yeah that place was crazy man the this the bathroom stuff reminded me because my worst living situation in terms of hygiene was probably the apartment i lived in in the year

after i moved out of the dorm so it was seven of us in a four bedroom apartment that was probably like, like 1200 square feet. I want to say, so it's pretty, it's really, it's very, seven rooms. Yeah. So I,

I had the smallest room. I was the only one who had a solo Europe place. Is that your Europe thing? Europe thing. Oh, the Germans. And they, no,

no, no. This is a lease. I had, you live there for a year. Shit. I lived here in a full year. Oh my God. Yeah. It was called the, the apartments are lease I had. You lived there for a year. I lived here in a full year. Oh, my God.

It was called, the apartments are called Pacific Sunrise. We just called it PacSun. Oh, I love their jeans. Yeah, that's a different thing, just so you know. Yeah, I do. I learned that later, actually. I didn't know that at the time. And we would have, I think the thing for people who don't know

or aren't deep in the Smash community, this is a common thing with Smasher houses. Yeah. Is they become extremely degenerate. Yeah. Similar to, like, a frat, but with, like, less machismo. No one, it's just that no one can afford to pay full rent anywhere. Yeah. And everyone likes playing Melee.

And everybody, everybody only likes playing melee they're they don't clean their dishes they smoke a lot of weed and uh this carried over to my living arrangements where even only like part of the people were smashers uh and we would have friends who lived in the same complex just kind of like walk in and out of our apartment freely and then we'd have uh one of our roommates like would have a friend over all the time a different roommate had his girlfriend all over over all the time so in this apartment there's usually usually nine to eleven people jesus just all the time how many bedrooms was it four dude if i bet there's like a like a like a capacity a weight capacity in that building and you were over it yeah absolutely and we're this place is becoming increasingly disgusting and we we're on the top floor of this apartment uh building and there's one other

apartment across from us that uh is and we're the only two on the top floor and we'd host these parties with uh the girls in the apartment across from us because we became friends with them and we called it the the penthouse party because it was just the top of the building and this is a super compact space split even with two apartments right and we would invite a lot of people over and we did this like a few times and after one of them someone uh had like destroyed one of the bathrooms they had vomited all over the floor and uh this is this is everywhere didn't bother to clean it up right and we didn't know about it that evening.

And then the next bathroom over, there's only two. Someone has shattered some glass object in the room so that the entire floor of the bathroom is covered in big shards of glass. Die hard. My roommate, Utah, he wakes up first. Wait, wait, is that like a- His name is Utah? He's Japanese And his name is like

Y-U-T-A Oh Oh that's so good So not like the state I'll fucking point and break You say it No you say it like the state But it's

My friend's Utah And war child So he wakes up first Yeah me Utah John Deere We all hang out And he's really gotta pee Right

Yeah He goes to one bathroom Covered in vomit And it's the Joker Standing in front of both doors going like, if you pick one door, a shit will come to you. He goes, you will respect the light. He opens it. He's like, fuck.

Runs down the hall. Fuck. Exactly. No, he goes to the other bathroom. It's covered in glass. And he's like, Jesus, fuck, man. I have to make the hardest choice of my life. I have to either walk over the vomit or walk on the glass yeah and uh to take his piss because

lord knows he's not gonna clean clean it up and he makes his choice but that would that would be a recurring theme across like all the parties that he posted what'd he pick i actually don't even remember wow can you get into contact with him and ask? Yeah, absolutely. Find out for us. And he, we're still, we're still like pretty good friends. We like keep up like every few months.

And he, this would happen across all of our parties from there on. Like we would have people over like one, I remember one night, our friend Nolan passed out. And in the morning we discovered, and he couldn couldn't remember this that he wrote a cryptic message in the mirror because you know how mirrors like fog up and you can write something in it? He wrote his friend, my roommate Ben was like his closest friend in the house and he had written in his blackout state, help me Ben in the mirror. his blackout state help me ben in the murder and then like a different time we woke up in a future house after a party and somebody had covered the entire wall and shower of a bathroom with shaving

cream and then just decided to leave it like that so there would always be these like little things with a bathroom over the years yeah i'll i'll close i'm gonna close out the the house we were talking about because it's just so it's so related to what you said on the notion of broken glass on the floor oh thank god because I would have brought it up I won't name any names but we had a friend who would come over to that house who was just high all the time

and one time in the dabratory which was our garage where they would do dabs. Dude, there was so much trash and debris in that garage. The dabbratory was just a garage where people who had lived in this home and then moved out and never cared to come get their garbage left it. But there was just, like, generations of that. Dude, there were, like, fishing poles and just like generations of that. Dude, there were like fishing poles and like Xbox 360. There's like couches that no one knows whose couch it was first,

but they would use it to smoke weed on. And at some point, this very high man's that we knew goes into the dabatory, is smoking a bong next to our washing machine, drops it, and shatters the entire bong on the garage door

yeah this is this is a place where people often are walking barefoot uh to smoke weed and so he you know like a normal person looks down at the bong and goes oh shit that's a problem looks around at his immediate surroundings it's like he has fog and he can only see three feet around him. He's low food right now. Yeah. He's low food. It's like, he's like losing health in Minecraft.

And then he looks over and he's like, ah, blanket. And he grabs a towel, like a beach towel. And then he lays it over the glass. All the shattered shards

of glass from an entire bong with bong water. He just puts it over and then goes okay and then walks back into the house and plays melee and didn't tell anyone doesn't tell a soul that this happened so my my introduction to this person i have never met this person who is this i forget right now tell the name oh yeah yeah he's super, super sweet. So dumb sometimes. Yeah, just so high. Really, side note, he drove me home from a tournament once,

and he has this thing where if he's talking, he just keeps going faster in the car. Like, literally, he can't do two things at once. So when he's speaking, he just keeps accelerating and going and going. And when you're not talking to him, he watches his speed. And so I had to tell him, you need to stop talking to me when you're not talking to him, he watches his speed. And so I had to tell him, you need to stop talking to me because you're going 95 right now.

That happened. So my introduction to him, having not known any of these stories at the time, is when at the beginning of 2019, I went to Sydney. And I'm hanging out with our friend miles and uh and josh another friend of ours and they are the two australians who up until that point had visited and stayed in socal in this house before in in that house that uh they've been talking about and uh they have this like funny thing that they're losing it over anything that is said over the course of the weekend they're just both like oh for sure dude for sure for sure dude and they're just like why why do you keep fucking saying that because they will

not stop it's like constant throughout the weekend and they're like all right so there's this guy in socal melee who was constantly baked like he was high all the fucking time and that's all he would say and they would just impersonate him all the time. And that's the first thing I ever heard. And then when I told Nick about this, like a year later, after I moved in, he's like, oh yeah, that lines up. Let me tell you more stories about him. And it all has to do with him being baked out of his fucking mind. And that guy, that's how it all starts.

Beat the Crimson Blur in tournament. That's true. That's a true story. His name, Zane Nogami. Real quick. Do you remember when we had that wheelchair in the house and then someone brought a girl over and then we had this idea to like... Oh my God.

You know who brought this girl over? Roy. No way. Yes. Oh shit. So Roy brings the girl over. Not by the way roy is not gay i told you guys i'm not gay look look dude look look slaps her tit he brings this person over who who had never met any of us at all and nick nick at the time it's like me uh i think our friend noel

and nick who's sitting in the wheelchair that we have in the house. I forget why we have it. It would be okay. I don't remember why we had it. You had it because Miles hurt his toe. That's right. Oh yes. Miles broke his toe

and we had to get a wheelchair. It was bad. But literally in Smash houses you just need chairs. You need so many of them because so many people come over. So people will use

the wheelchair as a chair. They would just use it to sit down. Yeah. And Miles didn't need needed at this time. Anyway, Nick's just sitting in it, like,

you know, just rolling around and, and this person comes over and we all start having a conversation. And then I text to Nick. I'm like, bro, I bet she thinks that you can't walk. Yeah.

Cause I was just sitting there the whole time. And no one was thinking about this. And I was like, we should do a thing where you like stand up. it's a little it's almost the same but he goes you should stand up and run out of the room well i brainstormed i was like one of them i was like he should stand up miraculously and be like oh my god and then like see your reaction and then we landed because you had to go you had to like leave that night oh yeah and so we're like we're like on our phones like trying to figure out the funniest way to do this in conversation yeah while talking and just like hanging out

and dude what ended up happening it was it was actually insane oh yeah like okay so here's the plan he's going to fucking we we're going to say something. I forget what, like, the trigger phrase was. He's going to say something, and then Nick is just going to stand up and sprint out of the house, out the door. Get in my car and leave. And just, like, up the road. When Roy says, I'm not gay, activate for the 10th time. So, fucking finally, the trigger phrase is uttered and nick does it he

just in the middle of nothing he gets up it's a huge ruckus and he flies out the door he like bangs the door he gets in his car we hear him driving like just drive away and she is not phased she's like this she goes yeah it goes right back. She just like, Kahn was like, huh, that's weird. Because it was weird because he was so, you know, crazy and moved really fast. But it was,

it was the most anticlimactic thing but I thought at the moment, I was like, this is the most brilliant prank we could ever make. Yeah. It did not pan out. No.

Like it did in the YouTube videos. Because she just didn't care. Yeah. Yeah. And for all future, like for all future things we talk about this place, like, these are the types of people who are coming through. Yeah, man.

Dude, there's just so many. It's funny how similar stories there are with places like this. Like, there's all these, like, Smash houses that have become these halfway houses for just, like, random people to just stop through and kind of, like, be degenerates in. Like, and you know what's really funny is if you delve into like regional lore of smash communities they all have like versions of these houses yeah like in washington it's like there's a million stories also had like the balcony and there's just like so many versions of these stories uh and and everybody has these like the roy of their like community like some guy

who was just there that day and uh what about you did you ever i mean you're from well nice little new hampshire bears there's poop house new ham well new hampshire i just live with my mom yeah did she get crazy or wild or what yeah she so we dabbed a bit like for sure. We'd wait for Ludwig to leave. Your mom and your sister are just like, hey, kiddo. What, you didn't have a nightmare? Big time smoking with my mom. I flew up. I flew up. So Ludwig came home the other day, and he has this little glass crystal vial,

and he walks up to me in the office where all our computers are, and he's like hey hey these are weed gummies don't eat these because i i don't do drugs or drink anymore and if but he does steal people's food constantly really yeah and and it'd be really bad and i like eating food that i see yeah like an animal i got a special jar just for edibles so you don't eat them like a gauntlet legends character looking for health. It was funny because I was like, thanks for the heads up. Is that going to be a thing now? Are you just going to eat gummies now?

I eat gummies occasionally. You need them more? Ludwig off a gummy? Actually, my best friend. If I had to choose a best friend in the world, Ludwig off the gummy is number one

i hate smoking anything i think inhaling anything's bad but uh i think getting high off a gum all he wants to do is is ask you questions and he wants ice cream and he says it that way i literally am the people emo i i'm like the guy but i'm like you know it's a cute thing he does sometimes when he's going to bed and we're we talk while? He'll be like, love you, Eamon. By the way, I've never – because I don't hang out a lot. No. Because I hate – That's all I do.

I watch movies and I eat food. Slime has this thing about planned group activities. He doesn't like them. I'm trying to be better about it. You're getting better. Yeah, we had a big conversation about this before the 100 Thieves party. You're like, yeah, I'm trying to get out. I'm trying to do stuff. I'm trying better. Yeah, we had a big conversation about this before the 100 Thieves party. You're like, yeah, I'm trying to get out. I'm trying to do stuff.

Trying to hang out. But your, what was the gummy thing that you did? Oh, yeah. During the sub-a-thon, we talked about this at the sub-a-thon too, but when you had your break, what you ended up doing was eating gummies and watching me stream. That's not true. Okay, so what's true then?

What's true is we had had a movie night so we watched a movie together and then after the movie ended i just pulled up my stream to see how it's going and you were playing streamer simulator yeah and great content we watched it for like a few minutes i was fighting great content it was great content i tried to switch because i was like oh i've been watching my own stream on like my time with cutie. Cutie goes, oh no, no, no, wait, wait. Wait until, because you were trying to get to the point where you could actually stream.

It was hard. And you didn't get there yet. So we waited for that. We watched for like 30 minutes because of that. So you spent your time with your beautiful girlfriend. Yes.

Eating gummies and watching Slime Onder from downstairs. That's right, baby. Big gear change. Big gear change. Something happened in this past week. I don't think we've talked about it much,

but did you see the shit I got into with Aiden Ross? Yeah. Yeah. That was insane. That was crazy. Yeah. That was crazy. Some context.

Dare I ask which time? Like, how many? I'll give you the rundown. So, basically, I got into, like, a slight Twitter conversation with Los Pollos TV. Like, not very seen by many people. It was like a few hundred likes for each tweet. And it went back and forth like 10 times in a row.

I only saw it because the yard follows four people. And I logged into the account and it just brought you up. I didn't see it on my own account. Not many people saw it, but it happened. We just had a conversation about it. And it wasn't like the most fucking aggressive thing ever. But it certainly was like we were kind of shots we disagreed yeah and uh and i and i talked about it a bit on stream as well uh because i was just giving my thoughts because

that was the big gamble day on twitch after that like an hour later he gets swatted live and los pollos tv and uh and as he gets swatted aiden ross i think had a stream pulled up or pulls up his stream in the first words out of his mouth the first words he goes man it had to be one of those poggers guys looks at chad goes oh yeah ludwig dude right after the guy gets swatted i get a thousand viewer bump thanks aiden appreciate that been hard times in subathon everyone saying bro you swatted him your viewers swatted him and just non-stop non-stop non-stop non-stop uh to the point where even los pojos tv dm me and he apologized and i was like well you don't have to apologize yeah you didn't do it like you are the last guy to ever have to apologize

uh but i will say i will say i d'd him, Aiden Ross, you know, because I did it on the first time we ever had any beef ever. I also DM'd him, but he ignored it and posted it on Twitter. And then people roasted him. Yeah. But I DM'd him again because that's how I like to handle things, and he apologized. Really?

Yeah. Oh, that's pretty cool. I'm sure, like, especially the way he said it, it doesn't sound like he's doing something intentionally malicious for sure, right? No, but it is so malicious. Yeah, but it just something intentionally malicious for sure right no but it is so malicious he's he's yeah yeah but it's not intentional but it is so malicious ignorantly malicious implies intent yeah it's more so it's not okay sure i just wanted to bring it up uh because i thought it was a it was the craziest thing that's happened to me in the past week yeah that's pretty it fucking suck it's really stressful yeah so it's like i'm glad he apologized

it's coming out more because viewers don't recognize like how prevalent swatting is among streamers. Yeah. They think it's like one offs, but like, especially in the past couple of years, like every big streamer has a story that they just, they don't want to talk about because they just like give swatting validation. It's the job of the streamer to keep it as like low key as possible. Yeah.

So, you know, it's, yeah. I thought that your uh your twitter thread so like ludwig is generally very like relaxed and like doesn't start beef doesn't have any i don't think you have a single person you like hate no you actually don't hate people but i felt like that thread you were like the most feisty you've like ever been online i felt like you you do that yeah that is a good question i was like i don't really get why that's your hill in real life you do that when you think the other person is being unreasonable you get angry i thought he was being unreasonable i thought i had laid out like

a decent argument and then the counter was you open pokemon cards and i was like what are we doing what is the record your tweet one of your tweets that i read in that thread was like unreadable no it was one part of a 10 tweet thing that slime had pointed out that didn't make a lot of sense admittedly his communication issues again and i was like look at this this is a word salad you're like oh that's just a reply i just rip replies i do rip them and i'm like i don't like sitting on stuff i'm like all right but didn't you take a while to write that me and mike watched him uh no no that was like four tweets in this is four four tweets in. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't a reply. It was a reply,

but he was like making sure he was getting his shit right. So me and Mike were just watching kind of like compose a tweet. Anyway, I like when Ludwig gets feisty. So there's a feistiness. Now, I remember how it started is you tweeted at Train.

Yeah. And what made you want to do that? Well, because I didn't want to be on the podcast thing, but I just wanted to like... I didn't want to go live and then – because all the people were talking about to like this week on Twitch was like gambling, what's wrong with gambling, yada, yada. H3H3 sparked a lot of it.

He feels like he's an instigator of a lot of that stuff too. And I didn't want to go live and do that. I didn't want to be like, here's my take, guys. I'm the next guy. What did Ja Rule say? What did Ludwig say? But I wanted to weigh in. And I also – also we're mutual so i know he'll see it sure interesting okay i mean sometimes someone says some of the wackiest shit online you have ever seen in your

life and it takes everything in your power not to log on yeah i think i think this time you just it was out of your power you had to say it's also just i think a tweet is much lower stakes and less seen especially when it's a direct at then like quote retweeting or going live and talking about it which is much bigger can i ask you the meta right someone had talked about the meta i think it was train himself he was like people delete tweets all the time because they tweet going live and then they delete it so their numbers are better all the time and i remember we i delete all my go live tweets that's what i'm saying because we did that for smash uh summit when we when we casted it you're like i'm gonna delete this and i was like why because i didn't know you did that is that a normal thing i think it's a normal thing well not only is it bad for numbers

it's also bad because you're not live anymore and if someone just logs on twitter for me i i see it you know why he's doing this? Why? Because I did this. I did this when I went live the other week for like an hour. I made my tweet because I just want people to know that I'm live. And I want them to be able to click the link and then be on a live stream. It'd be super stupid to have a link and then not be there. And then he gave me shit for deleting my tweet. No, you should delete it.

You should delete it. I just hit a million followers this week. I think I know a little bit about Twitter. Congratulations. I think we need a tweet. He had a million fucking followers. I did hit a million fucking followers. Congratulations. I don't care bit about congratulations i think we need to i hit a million fucking followers i did hit a million congratulations i don't care i think it's cool i'll clap with oh i think i mean your twitter feed is kind of like a like a wall right like you don't want like if people are going to scroll your feed and look at the things you say yeah that's

filler i i unretweet it is the only thing i do retweet things yeah i just every when amon makes a decision about social media that is correct, I get mad because so many times he's incorrect in my eyes. See, that's the thing is that I'm not incorrect.

Don't take your fucking glasses. I'm not a librarian. You know what? I see what you mean. The thing is, you don't because you actually need those. Well, actually,

I can't see it. Yeah. Eamon's right. Eamon's 100% right about this. Honestly, if you ever want to know what to do on any social media platform, just look at what the Minecrafters do. Aiden's going to clip that. He's going to clip that yeah i am is right amen's 100 right about this honestly if you ever want to know what to do on

any social media platform just look at what the minecrafters do aiden's gonna clip that he's gonna clip that and go play with his pud later all right well june 1st at 1201 am have your gay pride tweet ready all right have your blm tweet ready february 1st yeah yeah at 1201 and and delete your tweets and unretweet stuff and that's your basic guide well wait you delete your tweets and un-retweet stuff. And that's your basic guide. Wait, you delete your tweets about social issues? No, no, I'm saying delete the Go Live tweets. Oh, right, because you just want to appear to the world. Well, yeah, July 1st.

They got a month, man! They get one month! That's it. Yeah, God, it's such a fucked system, dude. Yeah. I tweeted my thing on it, which was much more in-depth. I tweeted like a whole i don't know if you saw that i think you actually saw it and you're like you're like pussy oh yeah yeah because it was actually really insightful and special and then i i flipped it around on you

and was like you're like pussy yeah you're like a pussy but yeah i hate farming uh because it's clouded to be like uh socially progressive it's very clouded right yeah and it sucks to be like hey i'm doing this for the fucking the likes they call it virtue signaling which is like it's that's a that's a kind of like a bastardized phrase because we always signal our virtue every time we say something so it's like it doesn't really but it's basically like being not genuine with uh you know your intentions when you like talk to a platform yeah i think i think it's a fine line i think like uh i think it's very obvious when someone is virtue signaling in like the sense that people mean when they say it but at the same time you have to kind of weigh like outcome versus like what's actually happening it's like well if they make this tweet and it does

bring awareness even if they're being like a total cunt uh it's probably fine you know if more good happens than like like what their intentions were to like farm whatever it kind of doesn't matter at the end of the day yeah i guess it's it's a weird spot because you can never judge people's intentions and you have to like guess and it's like fucking annoying because you know someone like fucking i don't know i'm gonna say just someone who sucks like if some big streamer tweets a donation link to a charity and then behind the scenes you hear them go yeah fuck This charity I don't care would you rather them delete

The tweet right that's no right You want it up I guess no I think so I think socially progressive things being clouded is A net good it just feels weird For me no it is take advantage Of because you don't yeah it's good you Don't want to benefit off of it in That way I think something I've thought

About this a lot and it's why I don't like tweet a lot about. I think the things I believe like socially or politically because I don't see it. I had to do one. I had to do one. The action and I think specifically the like monetary action behind it is like what matters more. the like monetary action behind it is like what matters more um and if you like if you're down to fire off a bunch of tweets about it i think you better be you know you better be putting some money up occasionally i think that's the way i look at it especially if you can afford it yeah and like i much rather like i i don't tweet about it and i started uh like giving money like where

i could and i think i'm much more comfortable with that because I don't feel like I'm like parading for like social validation. I feel like I'm actually pushing forward like some sort of solution. Yeah, just capitalizing on social issues is ultimately gross. Now that said, the Mogul merch rainbow socks are available.

And if you're gay, then you get them. And if you don't get them, you're actually homophobic. That's right. That's right. And so that's, that's our binary.

You're either gay or homophobic. You're either gay or homophobic. Pick a side. All right. I'm tired of people not picking a side. Well, we've about reached our end, our tattered edge of the podcast on this day.

Hopefully some big insight on the origins of the yard. Now you have a good picture in your mind. I'm going to go look it up. I'm going to look it up on Zillow. See, dude. It can't be that expensive. Dude, I bet it's burned down. We should burn it down.

We should burn it down so it's just a yard. Before we buy. Yeah, right? Yeah. Only a yard. The lot is just a yard before we buy yeah right yeah it's the lot is just a yard yeah and then people go and then just give their offering they leave like slim gyms yeah fucking all kinds i bet there's like mushrooms sprouting in the backyard where we used to piss oh there's probably like an unseen like strain don b probably has a child that's there

somewhere where's my dad? I have one old memory of this. You guys, I think because you guys asked for roommates at some point on the Facebook page, the SoCal Melee Facebook page. And there's a photo of the house with a car out front. And I remembered seeing that post and thinking to myself, that looks nice. Oh, imagine the timeline crosses earlier. Oh, man. Wow. Again, imagine the timeline crosses earlier. Oh, man. Wow.

Again, hey, all beautiful listeners. If you guys want to help out, hit the download button if you made it this far on all future pods, past pods. You know what I'll say? Pods present. You know what's even more helpful than downloading? You want to be a super simp? You want to be our best friend? No, you can't say that.

Okay. You can't say, you have to say rate it however however good you think it is you know what helps out a lot if you could go and rate the podcast whatever whatever you think maybe i think i think i would i mean i would give it a high rating if it were me doing it yeah yeah check it was there even if you watch it on youtube if you just me doing it. Yeah, check. Even if you watch it on YouTube, if you just go download it on Spotify or Apple. Oh, we got a clip channel by the way. We have a clip channel. Clip channel. That we've uploaded

no clips to yet. There's one great video on it. Yeah, and so sub to the clip channel. It is not for kids. I made sure to click that option which Nick didn't do. No, I fucking did it right. Or do none of this and finish your workout and go talk to a loved one.

Who gives a shit? Either way, thanks for listening. We'll see you all here next week. Bye, guys. Bye.