The Yard - Ep. 44 - Ludwig's New Best Friend

Episode Date: May 11, 2022

Gambling is bad, kiddos. This week the boys talk about Disney Adults, Slime gets turned on, and Ludwig meets a man with magic beans at the casino.

you see the footage of sumo wrestlers just like eating scarfing yeah because they have to put down like 5 000 calories a day that's what you look like. In all ways. You are sumo. And he wants to go to Japan just as bad. Yeah. They want to be in Japan to further their career.

Yeah, you want to go to the big game. Big sumo game. All the sumos from the rest of the world travel there to start their career. Uh-oh, sumo wrestling. Oh, you got a little heartburn. Ouchie, ouchie, ouchie bears. Oh, God, dude. Are you such a beast right now?

I'm so glad the mic is away from you. You're just grunting and eating. Dude, this is like it's always sunny in the first season where Mac's fat, and they're all just watching him eat a burrito. And he's like, you're sweating. He walks in with this sack of burritos. A garbage bag full of burritos. And you're just like, geez.

It's crazy how one-to-one it is. You're making all the same sounds. Come on, buddy. Pull that mic over. We got more to say. Let's just getone it is. You're making all the same like sounds. Come on, buddy. Pull that mic over. We got more to say. Go, just get through it all.

We're, we're rolling, right? Yeah, we, of course we are. Is that, I,

I just, can I ask you something? What's up? How come, how come you look like, how come you look like you just ran down the stairs cause it's Christmas morning? Huh? Yeah. Hey, hey, hey where did where did you go today i can't yeah dude you're like a decom character that likes a certain thing and they put a bunch of when they play basketball and their shirt is a basketball he's like every jigglypuff made in 2015. Yeah.

You've got the snapback. You look like if you ran it might make Flintstone noises. You look like you want to see kids penises.

What? Well, he kind of killed the mood. What are you talking about? You. What, me? Yeah.

You pointed over to me. Yeah. Why do I look like that? Well, okay, hold on. If anything, he looks like a guy who

would kill a kid and then looks yeah if you had to pick one of us who looked like that wait it's the guy with the mustache why well well what do you mean explain to me explain to me the cultural history right now 17 ways different ways you know yeah i went to disneyland okay yeah i don't know i don't know why us talking about pedophilia makes you think it is disneyland yeah you went there i did i couldn't tell have a question why after going there so many times do you feel obligated to buy another piece of disney clothing that's not okay because i went on because i okay so this did you show up in that? No, I showed up in very cool black Lululemon pants and a white shirt.

So you bought all this and then changed? Okay, I can explain. I'm sorry. This is Disney week. Did you warn me about this three months ago? I'm tired. I'm tired of pretending that I'm okay with all this shit.

It's disgusting. You don't even know what Disney week is. I do. Because Nick Yingling has been tasked to keep track of your calendar that i'm okay with all this shit it's disgusting you don't even know what disney week is i i do because nick kingling has been tasked to keep track of your calendar which is actually great that's a great move and then he's like all right add ludwig calendar your fucking guys calendar so we can all see what he's doing and it's just like four days blocked out giant purple square uh-huh disney yeah ludwig disney disney dizzy and you're and it's fucking disgusting what the fuck do you do there first of all i'm removing you from the calendar because

if you're gonna shame me for putting my things on my calendar i won't have it well you're still doing it isn't nick yingling putting it on the calendar yeah you can't remove because you actually don't know how i'll ask him to remove it and i'll just say don't do that nick and we'll be like okay can i ask a question about you going to Disneyland? Uh-huh. So when you go to Disneyland for four days straight, do you have a strategy? Are you guys like day one?

To be clear, this is not like a me and cutie, let's do a four-day Disney thing. I feel like you guys think it is. What else is it? It is that. It is that. No, it's not. And why are you?

Okay, what is it? What is it? It's that with her family. Okay. Oh, so there's another factor involved. They just say no to her family. That doesn't change anything. No, I'm not telling you...

I'm not telling you to say no. I'm just saying what it is. I'm telling you to say no. Disney adults? No, it's... They have kids. I was there with like eight kids. Yeah, but they've been there a lot too, huh?

No. How many times them kids see that shit? Not very often. They haven't seen Goofy and got a stupid fucking autograph? This is already... One of the kids is new. He's new? He's new.

Okay. Four days? His first time. A new kid just dropped. A new kid dropped his first time. And they don't live in Los Angeles, so they don't go to Disney. And so it's like they do the family thing where you go to Disney, you go for a week. It's like spring break or whatever the hell it is for two-year-olds.

Yeah, it is spring break for kids. They all drop acid and talk to Goofy. They drink kid beer. They get wild. 8 a.m. to 9 p.m. every day. They go on the kid beach and fucking put a bonfire out. One of them's got to go. You fall in eventually.

Soda pong. And that's what it is. What's your your plan of attack you show up to disneyland there's no plane of it i am a passenger how are you going for four days with no plan of attack if somebody's going for four days they have a plan for each day loosely i am sure yeah but like if a sheep is on a farm they don't worry about where they're walking they just walk where they're supposed to go so you're saying you're quotable write that down you're a sheep and not a dog who's the dog the well the dog the dog is a dog who's the dog let's worry about the sheep herder because that's the real that's the real magic and that's and that's cutie she guides doesn't the dog guide dogs are like the other dog guides you're a sheep no because the dog has to be told what to do

well the dog is owned now i'm the dog too which member of cut a sheep no because the dog has to be told what to do well the dog is owned now i'm the dog too which member of cutie's family is the dog cutie's a dog kind of work wanting you to say but you made it you made it oddly weird yeah but okay look so i get it you're doing the good boyfriend thing where you just show up and you're like a fucking yes robot. And you're just like, I'm at Disney. I'm spending time with you. I'm being good. Right.

But it's like, what? I love that in your head being like a good partner is being a robot. It's four fucking. No, no, no, no, no. It's four fucking days at fucking Disney goddamned land. And you've already gone a lot because your girlfriend's a fucking Disneyney adult and it's fucked up i'm tired i'm tired you're tired of what i'm doing i'm tired of looking i'm tired of looking her in the eye and being like yeah what's up you're normal it's all good i can't handle it it's so fucking weird to like enjoy disneyland so much better she's like yo let's fucking kill a kid and look at their penis today.

It would! Imagine how interesting she'd be. That would break the mold, if I'm being honest. Thank you. If one of Cutie's family members was like, I want to kill a kid instead of going to Disney, I'd be intrigued. That's weird.

I'd be like, tell me more. Then I'd have to imagine a bunch of adults being like, oh, do we want to go on this ride this time somehow works do you think that if you lay on the floor and play elden ring for four days it's better you're at a higher standpoint than someone who goes disneyland for four days i think it depends on how often you go like right so that four days that one kid yeah there's a date once in a year four days once a year? I'm pretty sure they don't go that often in their family. The family trips once a year. No, that's a fucking lie.

Hold on. That's the part. I'm in the family. I'm with them. He is doing his life. No, no. Hold on. I'm Anthony Pilled right now.

Thank you. You guys did this like four months ago. I swear to God. Thank you so much. I'd like to thank all the Aiden's out there. It was specifically just her sister, and it was an anniversary. The kids weren't there for that. This is the kid trip. The kid trip God, all the Aiden's out there. It was specifically just her sister and it was an anniversary. The kids weren't there for that. This is the kid trip.

The kid trip is once a year. Okay, yeah. So there are members... It's fine. Hold on, hold on. It's fine. He can have this one. He can have it.

The kid's trip is important. I think if this is for the kids and new kid dropped... New kid just dropped. Then that's fine. That's great. Let the kids have fun. They got sunscreen on that kid.

Fuck it, I feel like it's dangerous. Let the kids have one. Kids were all lathered up. They're all lathered up? That's good. That's great. Uncle the kids have fun. Let the kids have fun. Kids were all lathered up. That's good. Uncle Ludwig made sure. Hey, come over here. Let me low shoe up. I love hanging out with those kids.

Hey! No, not in a normal way. Hey, kiddo! Yeah, like in a cool substitute teacher way. What, YouTube? Well, you won't talk substitute teacher. No. Now we're talking a cultural icon i don't think that is what you're like assistant principal who

like walks in the class starts licking his lips no yeah no yeah that's you a little bit you're like the guy who wheels in the projector yeah no one knows what he does the school no no i'm not i'm just gonna hang out back here don't mind me they do hang out I'm just going to hang out back here. Don't mind me. They do hang out. I don't know when you guys do. They hang out so you can take the VCR back. You're the guy who the kids think is more relatable. I want to tell you. And they want to talk to you. I want to tell you what I hit the kids with today.

What did you hit them with? Your shoes untied. No. Velcro. Yeah. They look down, right? Yeah. They look down because they're dumb kids.

Pop and Gamer. Okay. What? Dude, you're dumb kids pop and gamer okay what dude you're hitting kids with pop and game you know it's funny i told the kid to say it because we're playing categories and it was disney characters and i said say pop she says it her dad goes what's pop and gamer oh and then you that's funny punch him in the face and then what's up dude so gandhi's yeah oh yeah same situation as pop and get the war criminal we killed

that's great i was i was teaching him so many things how what's the max what's the oldest kid like what's the cap of like all these kids this is the oldest nine okay so it's like that's all right i think so they're like what are nine year olds

like you describing disney trip in my head this is the same combination of people that have gone the last few times that you've gone to disney which has definitely happened more than a couple times in the last year there's like 12 people i believe the kid i believe you this is a large group could i come hang out with the kids no why not come on i mean why not the fuck you mean what do i mean he's the nice one i want to drink kid beer with the kids he's like the frog he's gonna turn him gay to get kid waste the butter beer no you're gonna you're gonna make him weird you're gonna make him cringe we'll go on the polar express he's gonna have a fucking 30 minute genuine conversation with a nine-year-old and just come away being like yeah so his goals are just to

like paint uh like a firetruck red which is i think is really cool you know that's like what it's supposed to be no my shoes aren't big you're just younger than me so my feet are obviously going to be bigger than yours because i'm older what are you talking about he's saying they're bigger than him obviously just clouding the shit out of you why do you walk funny i don't walk funny i don't walk he's you're like you're like you pull aside cutie's dad like he's calling me long i don't know why i'm not long i don't know why he's saying look look i'm sorry i'm sorry i overreacted i get that now i get that i just i feel like he's still fighting for his fucking stupid point that doesn't matter

this resurrects such a strong strong memory of uh there was this big uh really cool park in uh my parents town and it is one of those ones that's like filled with like almost like treehouse-esque like structures and you can kind of like climb through like all these different levels of the park and at the very top of it there's sort of this uh like house thing almost that turns into a slide that goes all the way down to the bottom of the park and a lot of like older kids would hang out up in the tree house like if they just you know if you wanted to get together when you're like fucking 14 or something you know they'd like hang out in like fucking smoke crack yeah like in fucking and scheme they'd scheme heists on like the playground yeah what would you heist i guess if you're a four if you're 14 wallets you're trying to get you're trying to get as many bags of chips out of the lunch line without them noticing yeah yeah and you're fucking trying to

get the hot munchies it's like it's like the donkey kong boss like banana horde but it's all like little lays fun size bags. They're all baked. Yeah. And while we're up there plotting, I am with a friend of mine. Her name is Cheyenne. And we were just up there hanging out and talking. And there was these other kids that like kept like way younger.

They're like, they're probably like eight. And they're playing around and they keep peeking up because you peek over this ladder into the top area and they keep giggling and peeking up at us. Me and her are sitting about the distance that me and Nick are. Just sitting there like talking to each other. I'll be 15 yards for audio listeners. Scheming. Not scheming.

Talking about the Lay's chips and the bananas. And the heist. And the heist that we're going to commit this coming week. And the crackpot. And then, like, maybe 15 minutes pass and a dad comes up.

Clearly the dad of these kids that have been around for a while. He's like a stocky, really ripped, uh, Hispanic guy.

He's a hot guy. Shaved head. He was pretty attractive, I would say, yeah. Shirt's slightly too tight, but it fits him good. It was tight yeah is this how you found out you were bisexual no is this bean shake way walks up with his hot

nipples popping out of his fucking collar he's allowed to say that he's a mustache that's right and sundays bro i got the fucking pass bro i'm not kidding i'll continue tell us about the dad all my friends growing up and he says hey you guys got to knock it off up there the kids say you've been kissing in front of them and that's a problem you guys please don't do that in front of the kids and we're just we're so confused we're like we haven't been kissing like it's like i'm not i'm not kissing each other and he's like, the kids wouldn't lie. They just wouldn't do that. So you guys need to knock it off.

And he's like pissed. You're getting gaslit by a hot dad. And I'm so, and I'm stunned. And you could just, you could just take credit for making out with a girl. But instead you're like, no, I wasn't. I swear. I wasn't. No, I've never kissed a girl in my life.

Yeah, okay. I would never do that. I would never, ever do that. Do I look like someone who would ever get to kiss a girl? Yuck. Don't say that I did that. Because I would never kiss that I would never ever do that Do I look like someone who would ever get to kiss a girl? Don't say that I did that because I would never kiss Cheyenne ever Me and her did end up kissing That's fucked up

The kids came back and you started macking That's fucked up Cheyenne Cheyenne Cheyenne Cheyenne Cheyenne Cheyenne Cheyenne Cheyenne Cheyenne Cheyenne Cheyenne Cheyenne Cheyenne Cheyenne were you getting topped up that was also coincidentally the treehouse that I first got offered a a tug job

you're getting HJs in the park two and a half years was it Cheyenne giving you a TC tugger was this story a roundabout way to tell us you got a tug job in the park he got a HJ in a treehouse in front of two eight year olds by Cheyenne yeah so Cheyenne gave me the HJ

in front of the kids. You had a studio audience. The kid's dad gave him a Hey, Jay. He got involved. He's like, I am going to listen. You're horny. I need to make sure you're not horny so you don't kiss out in front of my kids. I'm tired of this.

I'm going to give you a T-Sync tugger and I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to jerk you real good OTP H-J and then you quit kissing in front of my kids hey beat it or i'll beat it you know i'm saying i'm gonna beat you off he's like he's like angrily just jerking you off just looking in your face like don't come here again i'm gonna jerk you again come quick boy because i'm fucking because i'm tired of you making out from my goddamn kids he's he's has a southern accent now you keep coming here i'm gonna keep coming making you come wow wow and then wow we are like yeah i'm like 15 and then cheyenne's watching she's like oh oh cheyenne's still there yeah yeah the whole time

yeah wow so so what happened after that yeah what the fuck is the story about he just that quote stuck with me for a long time it's like the kids wouldn't lie kids don't lie i like that he said specifically kids don't lie and i was like have you ever met your kids a day in their fucking lives yeah they lie about everything parents lie to the kids all the time though yeah it goes both ways constant lying back and forth i love the idea of uh of this guy being like yeah so fucking hey knock that shit off anyway uh my my eight-year-old says there's a giant clown monster that's 10 feet tall uh somewhere around watch out for that guy i'm gonna find that i'm gonna take care of that shit and you better not be kissing up there and then fucking i lied to the kids today what'd you say i lied to the kids today. What'd you say? I lied to the kids today.

Yeah, I'm sure you got them to say so gone deep. Are you proud? and be happy and strong? Yeah. Feels good. You told them that climate change

wasn't going to affect their lifetime? Yeah, we were in the car and we were driving like one of the rides like driving a gas car and I'm like, this is how it's supposed to feel.

Yeah. Anytime it's not whirring like this and it's not a gas engine, you get out yeah you said roll call then you spit in one of their faces what do you lie to them about uh oh they give you these little badges when you're in disney uh and it's to see how long the wait is so they give it to you at the start you're supposed to give it to the guy at the end and i gave it to one of the

kids and i'm like you have an important job one in a thousand kids got this wow you have to carry this to the end and then all the other kids got jealous and they're like why can't i get one and i was like you're too weird not for you they're gonna have trauma i like that they're gonna grow up and be like i just have always felt weird i've always felt like disconnected from myself too then they think about unky ludwig just showing up in all mickey mouse shit i found the go to youtuber though the greatest youtuber i now know who it is oh wendover no because i will explain why wendover would be

a terrible guy that scams telemarketers he's great but no why he does good for the world that's a great no other youtuber does like an actual service kit right yeah no there's a youtuber that does it specifically the british guy yeah that's when i started watching oh he's the one that's like so i found where their family lives yeah and then he's like so your family lives and they're like sir please stop i was trying to take 20 dollars could you stop doing that it's like this is your this is your son's name isn't it it's an odd name isn't? I just withdrew him from school. Go home. Your kid's not there,

is he? That's weird. So we went to ride on Indiana Jones. And if you've ever ridden that ride, there's a giant boulder and you go downhill to dodge it. The moment we went downhill, the ride stopped and we were halted on the hill with the boulder above us. Whoa.

Terrifyingly. Now it retracted, thankfully, but because we were on a slant and it was kind of a far step down and everyone had to be evacuated from the ride, we were stuck there. Because the ride slowly lurches. It chugs.

Every five seconds it would go and you'd move an inch. And we had to go fucking 10 feet to go to flat ground. Was it because there was a kid in the tracks and they had to they had to crush the bones to get I wish they Had to like it was a live demonstration of the trolley Yeah, I was like crush a little more bones Elon the kids all crying paid for that the kids all crying so it's me cutie and then to the kids

Yeah, and it's just us for you to the new and they're they're the older ones they're not crying but they're like they're like like we're there for about 20 minutes yeah and i'm trying to entertain them you know but then they're like i'm bored oh okay they don't have the ipad i'm like yeah it's like 20 kid minutes is so much different yeah and so like you know i'm trying to entertain i show them the finger game they're like you're showing sticks i show them sticks but I'm crushing them. Oh, come on. Of course. Are you playing with crossovers?

Are you playing with? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they didn't get that far. Okay. That's fucked up. So then we're playing. Then I'm like,

let's play categories. They're like, I don't want to play categories. We played it too much. Like, so finally I pull up my phone and I'm pulling out YouTube videos. At first I'm like,

what would I want to watch if I was a kid? So I pull up the greatest Naruto fight. Three hour Nipponus bike riding compilation. So right here, we're in Osaka. I pulled up an anime fight from Naruto. Kakashi versus Obito. But the problem is, we were watching for a minute.

Very badass fight. One of the kids goes, is this real? And I pause it immediately. I'm like, oh shit. Wait, it's a cartoon. It's a cartoon. And it ends with one of them getting stabbed. And he said, wait. And he said, is this real? Yeah, and I didn't know how to reply. So I paused it and. I'm like, oh shit. Wait, it's a cartoon. It's a cartoon. And it ends with one of them getting stabbed.

And he said, wait, and he said, is this real? Yeah. And I didn't know how to reply. So I pause it and switch it really quick. Yeah. To a fight. You're going to be such a shit parent. No, no. I'm a great parent.

I'm a great parent. Cause wait, cause wait. Cause then I was like, okay, what do I do? We had like 30 minutes left to go. I pulled up daily dose of internet. Okay. These kids were losing it. He's the goat he touches everybody

equally hard yeah you should have shown them dude perfect unexpected drink that's what i'm saying it crossed my mind but i genuinely think if you have to watch 30 minutes of something daily dose is better than do perfect daily dose is like more variety why not show a mr beam imagine imagine you're watching a daily dose video and right before it like does the crazy thing in the clip a fucking basketball goes through yeah and you're actually watching volume three that'd be perfect a crossover what a collab they shoot a ball into another video and you have to like watch the right video for it to connect that'd be crazy dude anthony didn't like my idea i said that we should go to dude perfect is having like a like

a convention of some sort but i was like we should go to the convention and do like a vlog yeah i thought it was really stupid in my head it's so funny you were chuckling yourself and so i was like i can't communicate why, but I also believe that's true. I want to see who goes to the Dude Perfect convention. There's so much to discover. It's almost like a Channel 5 video, but it's not. It could be, dude, it could be any combination of people and I would be like, that makes sense.

Do the I-dubs. What do you mean? Like a documentary? Go and take a picture and then say the N-word in front of them. Wait, he did that? Yeah. Yeah, he did that to Tana. Tana Montana.

Oh, that's where I heard about that. Yeah. Tana Montana? Tana Montana, yeah. Was that like... It's her third personality. Was that like the CW one? Yeah.

That's crazy. I forgot about that. That's classic. That's wild. He's white, right? He is white, yeah. Very. That's crazy.

One of the most to do that. He's fighting this week. Is that this do that he's fighting this week is that this week he's fighting this week against someone dr mike yeah that's i would say a losing matchup for him it is but i think he'll fucking kill mike to be honest i don't know if this is dr mike sounds like a isn't dr mike like an actual boxer isn't the whole thing i i think he i think the idea was he picked someone that he thinks he will lose to and that to make it like i think he's a fit bird who does like a little bit of boxing but he's not like a like a maybe i don't care about celebrity boxing if i don't know them i found out just now that's fair that's like how everything works in life yeah it's kind of like celebrity death match you didn't

really if you didn't know the celebrities didn't really matter no no because you watch that show and they still get like disfigured and it's funny and they make jokey bears. Got it. So if iDubbbz and Dr. Mike fought, but iDubbbz got his limbs ripped off like a Mortal Kombat. If the stakes were high, you would be back in. Well, I'm just saying, Celebrity Deathmatch, you know what you're getting even if you don't know who it is.

Celebrity Jerkoff. Celebrity Jerkoff? Okay. Two celebs in a seat next to each other. They jerk each other off. That's not interesting. First one to come loses. That's not interesting if you don't know who they are i was gonna say it's just porn

well well we watch porn often and we don't know for different reasons i think i could do i think i could do an infinite no bust hj run what i think if i think someone else beating you i know i think if someone else has beat me with a i think i can go forever you've never busted to a to oral that's right so you're saying that you're surprised by what i'm saying i think another man could jerk me better okay good point another man's hand in a woman's mouth you know what i mean a woman's mouth and i think that's just simply a function of knowing how a dick works i think dr mike would know a lot i believe you i think i think he could make me surgically cum. Uh-huh.

I think he knows where the... You do the five-point exploding. So right now I'm touching your tibula. I'm going to put pressure here. Can you cough? Yeah, yeah, yeah. One, two, and three. Great, great, great, great.

Hold that. He's like, oh, goddamn you. Yay. No, what if... It comes out like elephant toothpaste. They got to jerk you off off but there weren't boxing gloves you like that one yeah that was good the visual was strong yeah i don't i think it's too easy to game but if they have to jerk you off then you like you start searching for like you know what

you do you start doing intel research on like what they're into and you start to be like yeah baby ducks yeah that's what you like and you're jerking them off because that's what you found out they like you're right right they like that so like this is hypothetical you know what you do you fucking you're jerking them off but and your your technique is immaculate you know that they're gonna bust yeah but it's just a matter of when not if you say some weird shit to make it seem like that's what they're into oh yeah what's up racist footage from the back of the day yeah you like that racist footage remember racist things happening in like history this is like stop no this is like a cia op this is like yeah you're basically ruining their reputation by going right you're also making them get triggered sexually by

racism that's right and so they can only get hard now when there's a crowd and they're thinking about like civil rights footage yeah and then they and then they watch a racist video happening and they get hard yeah they're like fuck they have to explain their life is ruined it's like me in an uber but terrible i got a boner in the uber on my way back oh yeah yeah when i went back to jfk airport not the guy right that wouldn't make sense but i didn't even notice i was on my phone in the uber getting no it wasn't small i got a normal dick notice and uh and it's like hard not to notice mine we like stopped the car and i'm at the airport and i'm like oh no it's boner town and was it was it like showing was it like boner town dude it was enough so that if i'm like oh no it's bonertown and was it was it like showing was it like bonertown dude it was

enough so that if i'm standing up straight it's like you can definitely see yeah and so i was like well i'm here and i i kind of was just like hunched over while the guy's getting my bag out of the fucking trunk and i'm like uh i hope this goes away soon and i just kind of like weirdly walk with my bag uh toward the the entrance of the airport and then it went away pretty quick but i didn't even it snuck up on me uber boners are a thing i figured out how to stop them what talk to the uber driver what if they're this make aiden what if they look like the dad that told them to stop kissing then then it's over then they take care of you i'm gonna jerk you off in that Uber.

I don't want you kissing Cheyenne. I've been trying to stop this for 20 years. My Uber driver told me a crazy story. Really? Yeah. What is it? I'll say a story's got to be pretty fucking wild if you're about to tell someone else's story. You set this up.

You set this up. If you're about to tell someone else's story, you better hit. It involves 50 kids. Okay. All right. We're playing Fortnite. Let's do it. What's going on? You talk about it. I'm a story. You better hit. It involves 50 kids. Okay. All right. We're playing Fortnite. Let's do it. What's going on?

You talk about it. I'm a little too excited. Yeah. It's so, okay. This is what Uber I just took. This guy's name's from Mike. He's from Africa. Just some context.

He lives in LA because a woman met him in Africa, liked him, gave him $200 a month to study at school. He did that. And then he repaid her by getting her a trip to europe then they got married which i thought was crazy anyway the story begins where it's mike and he's teaching 50 kids soccer because he's on kenya's professional soccer team uh like their their country squad uh and then he sees a girl trip and get hurt okay and he and he he was like hilarious he's like i'm in the no i'm in the war i i was in the get hurt. Okay. And he was like, Hilarious. He's like,

I'm in the, no, I'm in the war. I was in the war. Cause he's from Ethiopia. He's like, I'm in the war. I see that.

I want to help. So he goes, lift up this kid, not part of the 50 kids he's teaching. Random kid goes up to her, picks her up. She's bleeding. He's like,

okay, okay. Her mom comes over, starts yelling at him, call him the N word. This, that. It was harder when he said it.

Cause he said it, but you know, I dubs isn't here. So I can't. Right. You should get, you should get to throw the kid once. If that happens. Whoa. It hit harder when he said it because he said it, but you know, iDubbbz isn't here, so I can't. Right. You should get to throw the kid once. If that happens. Yeah.

If the kid's mother calls you a slur, you should get one toss. Well, if you're going to be mad at me for messing with your kid, let me actually do something wrong to your kid. Yes. Because I was helping him. Yes.

Because I may as well get at least that out of it. Yeah. You get the pleasure of throwing them into the ground and then they fall through like the subway level and then you go down and you fight that out of it. Yeah. You get the pleasure of throwing them into the ground and then they fall through like the subway level and then you go down and you fight the rest of them. Pull their heart out.

But so that happens. And then and then he's like trying to defuse that situation. Eventually, the mom walks away. The dad comes over. Dad of the little girl. He's like, what are you talking to my wife for? Oh, this is levels. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. And the guys, the guys like, I you talking to my wife for oh my god this is levels yeah that's

great yeah and the guys the guy's like i'm not i'm not trying to before you can even say that guy takes off his shirt oh it's time okay he's like he's like let's go to the yard right yeah what's up it's miles got a little tipsy no this is the evil yard yeah this is i guess me and uh and he starts and they start fighting or he starts trying to fight him but the guy's like dodging he doesn't want to fight right he doesn't want to get in trouble he doesn't want police to come the 50 kids see this happening come over start to beat the shit out of the dad whoa the 50 kids gang up on the dad and beat the shit out of him. Dude, the mom calls

this guy, you know when people ask the question like how many kids could you fight? He knows. He knows exactly how many. And he's like less than 50. Around 9 it gets hard. Yeah, so the mom sees this, calls the cops, the cops come, and then

the cops interview everyone, and then the cops interview everyone and then he is the one the dad is the one that he goes to the hospital the mom basically or um the police he goes to the station the mom of the daughter basically called the police on her own let's say let's call them the two racist parents the racist father goes to the hospital goes to the police station officer my husband's a huge pussy yeah he couldn't fight 50 kids after i was racist yeah the police join in and try to beat the kids but then the kids overtake the policemen yeah that's what i was thinking would happen it's like it's like it's just it's like pandemic it just keeps going yeah they just yeah they covered him up like a fucking

they create the first libertarian city with the children yeah it's children warriors yeah which i think has been tried and done before and doesn't work yeah yeah that's coney's army yeah when we need to stop him yeah we're getting there we're close you know it's funny i had an uber driver back in like uh i was when i was in i forget it was not here and uh he's he i was i got picked up at this coffee shop and it was called like the the spy coffee shop or something like that he He's like, oh, the Spy, huh? It's like espionage. And I'm like, yeah, I guess.

You know, CIA's hanging out there. And I'm just making a little banter. And this guy starts talking to me about how he is contracted by the government for defense, like, security details. And he's like, apparently he was, like, in some clandestine operations in Africa, like, hired by the government. And he's like, I he was like in some clandestine operations in Africa, like hired by the government. And he's like, I know how to kill people. And he's told me this story about how he like fought six guys with just his fucking bare hands and he killed one of them.

It was crazy. Is it believable? Yes. That was the thing. He was telling me like he wasn't fucking around. Yeah. And I just kept asking him questions. So I think Uber drivers are like, I think sometimes they just uber because they're like busy not being like you know sometimes they just want shit to do

operators trying not to think about the the dark past that they've had yeah they're just like i just having a nice leisurely drive yeah so they were all drunk and they all tried to kill me one day and i was like in jamaica and i had to fucking it was crazy yeah so i bet i'm just saying like don't underestimate your uber drivers tip them good or they will snap your neck in two years they'll find you okay well i don't know you can put on the wall i don't think it's the moral is probably like why not everyone has a story no i don't tip uber drivers or die that's your moral yeah it's like new hampshire okay yeah it's live free or die inches oh you you're just a little disney adult i am well i wore this because i went on splash

mountain and they put me in the front and i didn't realize you want a splash mountain i've never been i went on splash mountain splash mountain i always felt fun i got super soaked and i had to change you like look forward to it are you like oh yes honey one more time again i i think it's the fourth day i'm happy to sit there and just entertain the kids and do my thing you know like the only thing that i don't like is not being able to work it stresses me out a bit but outside of that i'll hang out with kids oh you're working right now this is your little side gig yeah where you have to you have to farm you have to farm ideas we get your b slop ideas why is it b slop because you

come up here and you're just like yeah whatever you like you tell all your stories already on the mainstream and this is your like your little slop side hustle where your little slam pig well yeah because it's not he's a slam pig no no we're his slam we're the slam pigs whenever he needs a fucking nut he just knocks on our door and opens the barn. And we're just laying there in fucking stirrups. And he's like, yeah, what's up, slam pig? You need a jerk on to come back to the podcast. Your energy today is weird, man.

I'm not horny. You sound horny. You have evil horny energy. That's not why we're just waking up. That's a transaction. No, I thought you were going to agree with me. No way. Nobody's winning. I'm just saying i feel used

why i feel used by ludwig on this podcast i feel like he's a little dirty little slam i also feel weird because i used the phrase slam pig yesterday really i taught you that for what you did you shouldn't be using that phrase we're not kidding no i was i was dead serious. What was the context? Were you talking about your slam pig? I got this slam pig. I'm hanging out the window driving down Los Angeles. I learned that from one of the guys I worked with from New Jersey. I might have said this before.

And we washed cars together. And he just told me one day, he's like, you know what a slam pig is? And I'm like, no, what's that? He's like, it's like, you know, it's like a gross ugly. Like he's like you know what a slam pig is and i'm like no what's that he's like it's like the you know it's like a gross like he's showing you a shock site no it was like he was my older brother telling me he's like it's like a gross like ugly girl that you got on the side and i was like and i was like that's crazy that's so mean he's like he's like yeah but everyone's got one and i'm like dude and that genuinely that's why

i don't like people from new jersey it's because they were all like that i'm not fucking kidding everybody in new jersey's gonna slam every person i met from new jersey up until my that at that point my life was kind of like that and he's like because there was another guy who we didn't know who was also from new jersey and they like bonded over it and they would just talk like fucking like sons of bitches like all the time and I'm like you guys are fucking weird it's the pork roll it has testosterone in it the pork roll?

it gets you all amped up and weird it's like baby roids you say baby roids I'm just thinking of ripped babies ripped babies you ever see the really ripped eight-year-old? Yeah. I'm talking about eight-year-olds.

Yeah. Is that his name? Kid Hercules. Kid Hercules. What is this from? There's two. There's just a really fucking bald-ass eight-year-old. That kid, it depends which one.

There's two of them that have been talked about on Instagram. Have they fought? To settle it? But he grew up, and he was just like, yeah, I got over weightlifting. I like skateboarding now now he skateboards yeah yeah i mean that was definitely like fucking disney channel original movie dad if you're that ripped at eight like that's your dad pushing you i don't think that's you being like i think i want to lift dumbbells well i learned i learned this recently it's it's

there's a protein in your body i can't't remember what it's called. Myotin, something like that. Cacheci. Not, nope. That's an egg. And it is this thing that regulates your muscles not overgrowing. And those kids who look like that, they have like a deficiency of that protein. That's why that happens. It's not like they're just born.

They're like, all right, let's hit the bench. Right. That's part of it probably. Yeah, because they have no gristle. That's him. He skateboards now and he looks normal. He's just a normal ass guy. Yeah. I love that. He looks like Ringler. He kind of it probably yeah because they have no Russell that's him he skateboards now and he looks normal he's just a normal ass guy yeah I love that he looks like Ringler he kind of does yeah

dude maybe Ringler was Kid Hercules this whole time he's like yeah I actually really love Donkey Kong and Super Smash Brothers now that's my new passion instead of weightlifting what was I gonna say uh fuck oh yeah we were talking way earlier about um like substitute

teachers and this is it that like the staff at my school was really really small because it was a new school and we had this janitor named warren and warren was like really old he was like 70s or something but he was in the marine so he's kind of like a hard motherfucker in his 70s or from the 70s in his 70s and but he had huge tits he had like old man tits like it was it was pecs or like droopy tits like i think when you get older like you can just have tits sometimes yeah so we always wore these like a tight shirt and he was like pretty built for a 70 year old and like these suspenders and they just suspended like over his big hot tits yeah yeah he just had fucking great ones

and warren big naturals uh he was he was really funny because he talked in a really high voice too but again like this kind of like rugged like motherfucker of a guy anyway um he caught some people smoking weed once and he narked on them and so after that warren wasn't very cool yeah it's not very cool so they added us all suckle. But I, yeah, but I remembered he's like big, beautiful old man. You are horny. This is crazy. This is horny week for slime. This is horny week.

What do we got to do for you? I'm not, I'm being normal. Let's strap in the chairs. Let's do the hey, J. Yeah, no, I, who would, who would you think would jerk me off? Relax, horny boy. It's like with the wise kids,

you know, like it would be Nick For sure Really Why's that Yeah cause we've only You know Yeah I get too mad at you I know what the uncut

Or the cut dick wants Yeah Yeah you're my uncut gem Zipper coming out Oh I'm not Zipper Zipper Yeah Zipper knows

Zipper appeared like an Avenger Like Ant-Man Like maybe I can fix this job. And then the fucking crowd just starts screaming because they saw Zipper, their favorite MCU character. What the fuck is Mickey House Pussy House?

Mickey Mouse Pussy House? He wrote Mickey House Pussy House. That's just what I told him to write instead of Disneyland. That doesn't quite work. That's what you call Disneyland. We you're talking to cutie so there's no story that follows that i don't know i just thought that was a funny name and what about n-word question mark that i told you that you're which one's that the story where uh my uber driver got called the n-word all right 50 kids fought for him question mark is confusing there the other

one's las vegas that one's pretty simple if you want to go through that one oh i see it well don't say go through it that's what I'm fucking talking about. He went through them. We're fucking disgusting little slam pig. Yeah, just get it over with. Fuck you. I'm your slam pig. Do it to me now.

I was getting slammed like a pig. Fuck you and your fucking slam pig mentality. You're getting horny again. I just... No, I'm not. Yeah, you are. I just want... You're a little slam pig.

That's how you talk. I'm not horny because I want this to be a special thing. But it's not special for you. You just fucking use me and abuse me. Bro, what the fuck? What happened in New York? Did you take fucking goat semen and get horny for life?

What is wrong with you? Do you not think he treats us as his slam pig on this podcast? Maybe, but I think you're horny first. I'm not. I'll fight this because I'm just normal. The reason i brought slam pig is i was with a group of people this weekend and we were trying to come up with uh the number of different terms you could like crass terms you could come up with to call your like to call your

significant other what the fuck are you guys doing no we do this remember like my bathtub of a girlfriend okay somebody was somebody said pipe and like just call them pipe and then somebody said wow and then they got around to like have you ever heard slam pig before yeah it's like that's really and then you have to tell them it's like no it's a new jersey thing yeah and then i was like yeah i grew up in jersey we all said we all had a slam are there women in this group yes okay good yeah no it wasn't me and the boys but they're not saying anything sometimes they're just quietly just like they're just trying to eat dinner at the restaurant they're all at can we just eat our

chipotle guys yeah and i just call them fill them up it's like no no we're not done calling you maybe gas i'm gonna want you to shut up while I call you stuff. I like the idea of women getting in on it and being like, yeah, it's my fucking, my stink rod. Now we're doing it? No, yeah. Like they,

they are so like, what's the, what's that fucking, that dirty meat, you know, that you call up for a booty call. Oh, that's my fucking, that's my slam. Actually, Cutie did that to me. We're talking about an Arby's commercial. There's my fucking that's my slam actually cutie did that to me we're talking about

an arby's commercial there's an arby's commercial where they shoot roast beef with an ak-47 she's like like yeah yeah i shot ak if i forget the fuck i'm fucking up i'm fucking i'm cute i'm fucking it up yeah it's like yeah i'll i'll shoot a roast beef with my ak but in a real sexual way real slime way she did yeah is that what you think of when your girlfriend says something sexy? You just think that's how slime would say it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. I'm glad I'm integrated.

Well, you do a surly voice really well. Yeah. You know me. You want me to hit it? No, I don't. You've done it all day. You have not not done it. I'm going to treat you like I'm an Uber right now, and I'm going to give you a boner.

I'm going to treat you like you're in you're inside of him the uber when you're riding inside me and i vibrate on the road that's right and get your little boner up the worst podcast of all time it's just horny horny cast dude it's not horny cast yes and you're the star it is i'm i am blown away you guys, I'm being gaslit. Just like Eamon. What happened in New York, man? Nothing happened in New York. You changed New York. It was great. Dude, it was great.

I like, so I met up with Ludwig. Come on. I got some intel on how old Ludwig used to be because I hung out with some of Ludwig's old friends. Oh.

How Durs was? Huh? Wait, how old? Are we talking Durs? Are we talking? Yeah, what friends? So apparently, Anders wasn't a thing

at this point. Okay. So this is even before that. Which is- No, it was after that. Which is, yeah. Yeah, but after that. Which is hilarious because somewhere in the middle of your college career, you decided

that you were Anders. No, no. It was freshman year. Oh. It was the first party at Taylor Place and everyone was supposed to meet and greet who lived in the building. But this group didn't- I was like, wait, wait.

Did you guys call them Anders? Big Meat Brian Anders? Yeah, Big Meat brian and they were like no no junior year was when i started doing comedy i'd switch by that oh so you dropped anders i dropped honors after freshman year you're so fucking weird you weren't there what was it what was the what was the the thought process i was ludwig in high school you're supposed to reinvent yourself in college it's my middle name and a lot of people go by their middle name. I was like, I'll try out honors. I know, but then you went back.

Because I was like, I fucking hate honors. That's so weird. Because there's a guy from Workaholics and I had like the same conversation probably like 20 times at like a college party. Oh, dude, like Workaholics. You didn't like that though? Didn't smooth the icebreaker?

Did you guys reinvent yourself in college? Fuck no. I'm normal. Yeah, I didn't either. Yeah? Didn't smooth the icebreaker? Did you guys reinvent yourself in college? Fuck no. I'm normal. Yeah, I didn't either. I just like a name. Just like fucking was myself. Were you bi in high school? Not like openly.

Were you bi openly bi in college? I mean, I didn't make like a fucking Facebook post. You had a shirt. I just went to community college. So I just like, I got like depression depression i didn't get like yeah you got a degree i think anytime anytime it like came up it's just like yeah but it's not like i didn't i never announced it yeah it's just like but i had the bisexual sniffing dogs at his campus yeah they when you walk to the dorm they like they're walking back this beagle yeah hey block and then

they put you in the gay side yeah put them in the gay side it's like sorting hat yeah so that felt that felt a little degrading yeah other than that university of washington was great yeah well sorting hat and harry potter but it's gay or straight is giving blood still homophobic well i think it is the industry. I don't know. Can bisexuals give blood? Guys, by what he means is that the blood donation industry and the medical industry

has always had a bias against gay people because of this fear. Because the AIDS scares. That's still a thing? Yeah. I think there's remnants of it. AIDS still a thing long been yeah i think if there's like remnants of it i are there still places in the world where they won't let you give blood yes yes that's definitely places in the world that's crazy there's still places where you die if you're gay yeah yeah

iran many countries i'll say in the u.s then yeah well i mean now what's happening is like if you go to alabama and you like think about fucking coming at all they'll just chop your dick off and then they'll you know chop your uterus off also i guess it's not going well is what i'm saying women can't think of dick you can't yeah in alabama they can't in alabama they can't have a conversation that they were having about amon's group where they were talking about, oh, yeah, yeah, Amon. Big Rod Amon. He's getting horny again.

You actually don't make sense. You're in timeout. I have no idea what you mean. What he's saying is if you use a condom in Alabama, you get your dick chopped off. Well, no, because their goal is to punish women. So it's like if you use a condom and you have sex, they just cut the woman's head off or something. Right, it's the woman's fault.

Yeah, it's the woman's fault that they use a condom. So what I'm saying is people are intolerant even to this day on a governmental level. It's not crazy to think that the blood donation bus is like, oh, you're looking at me a little funny. You don't get donated blood, bae. It is crazy to think. What did you find out?

What are you talking about? About me. Oh, yeah. Okay, so you had two phases. One was with girlfriend in college. You never hung out. You never fucking, you never showed up at the boys' house.

You never fucking, you never got wet and weird with all the gang. You were one them i had friends like that but here's what happened girlfriend got broken up with he's hosting poker nights he's fucking getting the gang together he's saying let's go out and that's how the game got started and that's and that's makes sense i think because you're just like, oh, I'm sad bears now. But also at parties, they said, it was really funny. One of his old college friends was like, man, Ludwig at parties is like, whew. And I'm like, what? What does that mean?

Because he wasn't describing it. Dark Ludwig? Well, he'd get drunk and just like. Do improv. They're like, ugh, right? No, give me a word no give me a word give me a word and then uh i was like what what is it like would he like say stuff or what no he's like no no no he would just he would kiss everybody whoa i was like really part part of that was left over that's what i was saying i was like so he just smooch uh like yeah he's like, anyone who is willing to smooch Ludwig, he'd smooch.

And I was like, really? Like, boys and girls? He's like, oh, yeah, mostly boys. Okay, all right. And then I confronted Ludwig. I said, I heard you smooched a lot of fucking boys back in the day, like crazy little boy smoocher. And then he replied like Phil Hellmuth.

He's like, it is true that I did smooch a lot of boys. This is true. But boys are the better kissers. Are you trying to break a record? What do you mean? Just hand it out with some smooch a lot of boys. This is true. But boys are the better kissers. Are you trying to break a record? What do you mean? Just hand out some smooches, okay? Nothing wrong with that. A few donations.

They also said he was beloved, which pissed me off. Like when you left, apparently there was like a whole like sketch about you or something like that. Oh yeah, I think so. How do you forget something like that? You have to love the size hole in

new hampshire if it's after he left that i don't know if i saw this one because i didn't come back i never came back after leaving yeah they all like kept in touch and you kind of didn't no how did you just coincidentally run into this group of people no no i talked to uh to rachel she's like one of ludwig's old friends that we talk about comedy and shit she does stand up and so we hung out and then I met some other friends and got some Ludwig intel so you just like conveniently have a bunch of friends you went to school with that live in New York basically yeah

I mean they like comedy and if you like comedy you're gonna go to LA or New York that's where you like have to go it's either here or New York like any big city but New York's kind of like the spot the spot but most big cities you can do and I think they live together and they i mean they all say it in touch touch like they would do like zoom calls and shit yeah dude they like get together and shit and you're just in your fucking island of rich rich dead kids no i don't think i would ever i don't think i would ever

zoom call one of you no when we discord we discord play video games it's the same thing it's but i'll do that yeah yeah i'm just saying i would never use i don't think no like if i don't have access to discord and games but you haven't seen you in four years i'm not gonna zoom call you theater kids and not gamers that's just the difference yeah because they hop on they're like okay sex is like uh this is let's pull trending articles and do it it's just it's great to me that skype died then zoom didn't die uh then zoom came then zoom came because it's just to me that skype died then zoom didn't die uh then zoom came then zoom came because it's just like you had skype zoom just got the covid bump yeah the covid bump

and it's fun for boomers to say and i think it has a cleaner interface where you just press a big stupid green button but boy does the skype song with the skype sound effects oh my goodness that sound hits you you're gaming there was There was a, so back when I, I played competitive Mario Kart back in the day, uh, everybody had a Skype

naturally and you'd Skype call because there's not even an option to call in a, like to voice comm in a game like that. You have to Skype call if you're going to

communicate with your teammates and stuff. And a lot of people were like really young back then and like probably either were, either were too ashamed to like actually use their voice and be on calls or like weren't weren't comfortable with it or

they weren't allowed to because their parents didn't like let them talk to random people on the internet and stuff um so there were people who would communicate just with dial tones in calls what to while they played mario kart and a big part of competitive Mario Kart is like communicating the type of items you have with your teammates to like plan strategy during a race to win it with your team. Say like somebody's in a star and somebody uses a lightning bolt and like communicating if you have the blue shell or not, stuff like that. And people would match up dial tones with certain items on skype and then click like a certain number like a fucking telegram over the sky while you're fucked up dude i mean i

didn't do this this is why you're fucked up this is why i'm fucked up the guy who was calling and talking yeah that's why you can't understand people when they use words yeah yeah i wish he was using like fucked up morse code right now i I can't understand why what I did was a problem. Like, yeah, there were people who would just do that. And then, uh,

there was a guy named slide who was like supposedly from, uh, BC in Canada. Supposedly. Well, a lot of people lied about their locations too. So people would just say one of my best friends in that community, I thought he was from BC the entire time I knew him until we were

older and he's like yeah I actually lived in Vegas I lied the whole time like I'm just like did you feel betrayed or were you just like I was just like why would you lie about that it's like you could just sit like why not just put your full name and address on the internet like it doesn't matter just put your full information out there you're 14 just do it yeah

just tell me tell me your social insurance number or he's not from BC, so... What the fuck is social insurance? That's like your Canadian social security number. That's what they call it? Social insurance? That's much more ominous. What are you insured on? Yeah. I don't fucking know.

It sounds like you signed up for a... You gotta pay for it monthly. Yeah. And they're charging you. They're taxing you canada's keeping you down they're socialists over there native which case they're keeping you down they're keeping you down about the french you think those are the native canadians french people are they not yeah before the canadians are there is just french roaming the fields

being for years they came over they crossed the land border between russia and alaska that's right came over tens of thousands of years ago but they stayed friends the whole time and they they developed the language in in in parallel with europe one day they'll come back to us it's a linguistic phenomena xqc will unite us that's what i'm saying xqc gets like like government benefits. Uh-huh. You got to deal with college for free, but you decide to become a goddamn streamer instead. That's unfortunate. Our best and brightest.

Their best and brightest? Our best. What are you, Quebecois now? Quebecois. I hate your XQC impression because it's just do-do-do- do. It's good. Not what he's actually like.

What's your lettering impression? You went boys are playing a cymbal every time. Is it not? No. Not even anymore. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's why your impression sucks because you're a layman. Anyway, you're talking about the native French. This guy named Slide made up

a custom soundboard that was uh you installed and like attached to the skype app and then he he recorded voice lines for every common call in the game that's crazy and you could assign them to buttons on skype and then you could then people would use his voice instead of theirs to calm things in the game which is insane yeah that is actually wild did he have like good enunciation yeah it was great he was it was like

it was kind of like Siri where he clearly had like intentionally done it in like a ridiculous way where he's just like monotonally saying each thing but yeah people use that for years and now everybody that plays is like fucking grown up and like doesn't care but did he do any goof ones they're like rum ham he didn't he had a great opportunity to do that and he did not yeah because he could

have done it like because you needed you need a name for every item right so for the shock he could have just said like i got the rum man yeah rum ham rum ham that just becomes the new accepted term slam pick slam pick what do you guys think if you bowled right now you'd bowl i went bowling with mike uh like before my back got fucked no higher than 130 i cooked this dumb ass i think you bowled 116 no way higher what'd you pull i pulled like a 170 or something wow okay i cooked mike he was not having a fun time i'm like you want this to be the last game he's like yeah oh are you salty about it he wasn't salty he just wasn't having fun what did mike got like i i think one game he cracked 100 there you played three games so damn you're gonna

hit on the pot he can't even say anything what else you want to say that's what i was saying defend himself that's what i was saying i was't defend himself right now That's what I was saying I was like I'm gonna fucking tell him Did you order the cheese fries No we didn't order the cheese fries I'm not gonna sit here You got the cheese fries fingers And they put them in the bowling ball

I'm not gonna sit here and bully Mike Cause all I did was fucking play the best game I can play And I just came out the winner And it's just day in day out Do you think you beat Nick Hmm Do you think you beat Nick Yeah

I think I will dust you Really Yeah I think I fucking smoke you in bowling Here's Let's run it. Here's Slime's dark secret. He was in a bowling, my mom put me in a bowling thing for like a year when I was 10 years

old. Like I like bowled twice a week in a little like kid league. I don't know why she did that. I didn't like it. Did you not play like normal sports? Like a normal kid? No, well I didn't. But also she's like, I don't know why she did this i don't know maybe it was like a place to like stick me for you know not have to

watch me for two two nights of the week like getting put into a bowling league is sort of like it'd be like getting put in like a darts league you know yeah it's weird it's like a sport for like a shuffleboard league yeah it's like you're it's like billiards you're grooming me to be an alcoholic me and the other 10 year olds used to smoke a pack outside the back of the alley waiting for our parents to pick us up yeah that's what it felt like you know what there's this kid in the bowling league who was in a wheelchair and he had like this fucking apparatus which was just this like ramp that you put i've seen those oh yeah i've seen it and he was in it and i was like that's not fucking fair i used to get mad

what no I got mad too because I played I went bowling with a kid who had one of those I was like fuck that you're like all I gotta do is sit in a chair

and I get to use that that's what I'm saying like I gotta use all my legs when you're a kid you don't know you're a psychopath no dude it was a league it was competitive

he still feels that way it's not about him being a kid he clearly still feels that way no if it just happens at the fucking pizza party And like Ronnie with like two legs that don't work Yeah bro come hang out You're in the gang you're fine

But if it's a fucking competitive league Plans these when they let one of the kids score a touchdown During the big game It's so fucking dumb Why don't they tackle him He's so slow That's it, dude. If we go a lot further into this conversation,

we're going to hear a rant from you about how you hated Oscar Pistorius the whole time. But yeah, like 10K, like bowling. 10K bowling bet. You put 10K on bowling? Yeah. You have no idea how good a bowler I am. I know. I think I'm better.

Okay. Wait, let's do this wait didn't we bowl together I'm not staking 10k but I'll do it I'll front it I'll front it for you oh deal

what the fuck what he's why don't you just bowl what the fuck he has nothing to lose if you do that because I get 100 and I think

I think he wins my horse is thick and strong me and lovely just watched alley cat strike in the in the patreon I'm so sad you guys watched that because I love that movie.

Really? Yeah. God, it blows. Really? Well, I haven't seen it. It was pretty bad. Well, he hated it more than I did. I thought it hit C tier. So we watched all the Disney Channel original movies in the Patreon. Me and Ludwig this week watched Alley Cat Strike and I was telling him about how I used to bowl a lot.

He got lore. Did you use the little rampy? I wasn't using the rampy. No lore. Did you use the little rampy? I wasn't using the rampy, no. No, you didn't use the rampy. My point busts out 200s. How about that? Little bumpers? You're the kind of kid that would fake having no working legs to get the ramp. No, that's what I did.

You can just have the ramp if you're a kid. You can just have it. You don't need to be disabled. No, you gotta be like, my legs don't work. And they'll be like, oh, damn it. We don't have enough ramps. Yeah, this is is what it was you know what type of kid i was i was type of kid to get the bowling shoes and not put them on that's the kind of kid i was i didn't know you could do that you can't even i was an asshole you're still like that no you still do things and now i put the

shoes on you like like if like nick loves to drive fast and if they fucking there's no speed limit you just so fast. You know what I mean? And I have a public platform. I'm so sorry for that. Like I feel so bad. Me and Nick, he just had a whole conversation like two weeks ago about how he doesn't like to drive fast.

Yeah. I don't, I don't like being in a fast car. Sometimes I speed, but I don't, I don't like it because I was speeding. Yeah. You guys are like assholes. I used to get bullied for driving slow it made me drive faster who did that

people in college oh yeah yeah i would drive my improv kids my exes yeah they're like made up really creative insults we would like go to the like the mini golf place and i drive my ex girlfriend's grandma's car because it's really tight with her because he would gamble together you and her grandma yeah i would i would gamble with my ex-girlfriend's grandma all the time because she lived across the street oh you told us this once from the talking resorts she was a hard bitch she's a bad bitch she's a bad bitch i miss her i miss her yeah my ex-girlfriend's grandma i was gonna say that's i feel like that's rough when you break up with somebody but you know somebody that they knew better and you just have to let go their family's tight when

you like you yeah like their grandma like fuck cutie and ludwig ever split you seem to be thinking about all the fucking good times you could have had with the kids watching daily dose kiddos every time i watch daily doesn't be like man they would love this one they would love this one they love they love when little animals get little funny faces yeah i would gamble with uh i told on the pot right i don't remember that but that's hype and I do believe you she was a sick bitch

on slots she would just sit there did she smoke cigs she had a raspy voice yeah she would she would pump through cigarettes you think she fucking

you guys are calling me horny yeah of course we are yeah what's up what's up I was gonna say she thinks she was a throat goat

back in the day do I think she was a throat goat back in the day yeah Do I think she was a throat goat back in the day? Yeah. Her and Nancy. What do you mean back? Why has it got to be back in the day?

Well, because, you know, you got... She ain't quit throating. Maybe she's busy. No. She ain't. She's definitely not busy. I think that if you get to a certain age, you don't have to throat as much,

you know, to be a goat. I do... You want to relax a little bit more. One time Azima got involved, she was throat goating on another level. She had the twofer. i diced her up once in what what there's nothing what did you dice an old woman up i was like yo the only thing you could say that i'd be impressed is mahjong no i stole her crt from her really that's fucked up you just stole from the old people still use them dude that vcr

has nowhere to go now she had she had an old crt and i wanted to get into melee but i i was doing the thing that a bunch of dumb people do where they're like i'm not gonna do it unless i can get a good setup but so so i was like i got the gamecube for my house i got my controllers all good but i needed a crt and i and i knew gam gam i had one so i pull up and i surprise go to walmart and i got like a 50 flat screen tv dog shit vizio yeah like you fucking it's like it's backlit like a pinball machine yeah and she had like an 18 inch like crt and i was like the game boy noise you turn on i was like game game check it out and she's like is that the future she was i pulled the same fucking trick on zipper two's family yeah i was like i'll give you guys a flat screen

because they had they had the dope the trinitron that we have downstairs they had the dopest trinitron ever that's a great and i'm like yeah i'm like this old tv i'll give you a flat screen i'll give you i'll take it from you don't even worry about it yeah and i take it i'm like this is the nicest it's been a staple of every household yeah it's like you have to move it on a dolly yeah it's so heavy it's like 700 fucking pounds yeah it's sick the crown jewel it is at some point you always you trick an elderly person not earlier you trick an older person into giving you a crt yeah only that's just melee head problems only but like yeah but shit well and also retro game people but like i feel like uh everyone's caught on now like you go down to like fucking goodwill get tv it's like 45 dollars it's like they've definitely increased prices i don't know there's

just not that many left they used i think like the the crt on the side of the road thing is slowly going yeah it used to happen all the time you should be able to just drive down the road you'd get one eventually they're phasing out yeah they keep feeding them to the big lizard let's make some let's make us get some cathodes some rays some tubes a tube yeah yeah fucking call it a day i think you can make meth with the the dust something inside a crt yeah if you actually smash with that baseball bat and you huff you get high no no it's like a chemical you need to make meth like the old school way, like the og way right and that's why they were used to make harvest. We can make brick bed We could bring to the bricking bed rent bad star of breaking bad

Brent don't I'm going to make Wait what What the fuck do you do in Vegas I went to my first bachelor party ever Oh that's right Is Big A having one Big A is but it'll probably be like magic night

At Brian Trans No Big A's just gonna stream fucking Sekiro 2 At Brian Trans And we all have to watch him and go behind him and go Great job Big A. That'd actually be really funny. Honestly. Eight hours of that. Don't give him that. That was a bachelor party for Jake

who I've talked about on here before. Old racist Jake. Big J? You gotta stop saying that. Ray J? Yeah, that's what we call him. That is the full Ray J. Dude, he was the one. I've seen him in the video. Dude, he looks so one. I've seen him in the video. Dude, he looks so different when we went skiing, though.

He's doing headphones now. He's like, here you go. Does his fiance know? I bet she hasn't seen it. I bet she hasn't seen it. I've got to tell you about a tape I made. No, it was Jake's bachelor party. They were there for a couple days before me. I showed up. I'm laughing because his sock about a tape I made. No, it was Jake's bachelor party. And I went, they were there for like a couple days before me. I showed up.

I'm laughing because the sock just says gaming on it. On the bottom, it just says gaming. Cutie, like, had a bunch, she found a bunch of socks. She left like three pairs on my desk. She's like, I got funny socks if you want them. It's because we got a sock advent calendar for Christmas. Dude, they're so lame. They're the worst socks.

How big is it? It was a huge thing of 25 socks and every day was a different pair mine just says i have i have a pair that just says control freak and it's game controllers oh you didn't get the liberal come on these ones are good they say gaming on them which is what i wish i and there's a and there's a uh which one's this one fuck the weird one the weird game dsi yeah wait no no no that's the game boy micro yeah micro yeah game boy advanced it's crazy they have a micro actually it was named after seeing ludwig's The weird Game Boy. Oh, DSi. Yeah. Wait, no. No, no. That's the Game Boy Micro. Yeah, Micro. Game Boy Advance Micro. It's crazy.

They have a Micro on it. Actually, it was named after seeing Ludwig's penis, and they were like, we can do that. We can make one that- I would have been a child. They would have looked at a kid's penis. We can make this place onto a hedgehog. This kid's penis is so small. Even for a child, it's rather-

Damn, he's working with nothing. I mean, a baby, perhaps, but for a child of that age- You're eating all- You will probably do nothing for him i this you're you're you're milking all you can huh i make one fucking hot banger you keep coming right back to it huh you just want to talk and talk about some little fucking kid dicks bro were you horny again you shouldn't say that part you can't talk about that in that with that tone i'm not saying the tone i said no you brought it up In the first five minutes You used the tone The funny joke

From the last episode You just brought it up In the first five minutes This is like old enough But you're doing it You're bringing it up An hour and a half later Yeah cause you keep

Going back to it You're using the Surly voice again Yeah you gotta Drop the voice When you talk Why am I the enemy here So I went to Las Vegas

You're not an enemy You're just You're just like A sexual weapon I would I would say so Okay alright We agree Alright let me i went

to las vegas but i brought 50k with me for the first time ever big six you haven't cashed the uh it's because i i went to the poker shit poker thing we got 100k cash you shouldn't do that did you go high roller put it back in the bank account uh-huh did you go high roller uh so i brought 50k and i never brought that much before and i was gambling with everyone else you're a backpack yeah i just put in my backpack it's like a drug dealer it was sick and uh you gotta do it first five minutes there i lost like 5k on a roulette table uh miss everything but we were playing on like you know the main tables in the lobby the whole time and uh and i was playing there for a while like you know maybe like 100

200 a hand and then the dealer after playing there for a while because i was tipping decent he was like you shouldn't play here why he's like well all these ones are worse odds you get six to five for black you're playing six to five are you fucking kidding me that's why i asked if he was playing so they added why were you doing there's a there's now three zero roulette yeah i'd even noticed it's insane wait where are you at cos Cosmo? We're at the Venetian. Aria does 3-0s. The big ones will do that. I didn't realize that the high roller room

has just the better odds. It says it on the fucking table. I know. I didn't realize it was specifically in the high roller. You play triple zero, you only bet green. But you can also just play 3-2. It's fine. I do it all the time.

You can also just play 3-2 blackjack on the normal floor, but you didn't seek it out, which is fucking crazy. But it's also worse odds because it's usually eight deck or automatic shufflers. Yeah, you shouldn't touch it. In the room, there was two deck 3-2 in the high roller. So I went in there and I started playing that. I'm just saying six deck 3-2 is everywhere if you just look, but you were too lazy to

do that, which is crazy. I mean, in the story, I get there. For the kids at home, gambling is bad. You will lose. You will lose. You will lose. I'm down millions. I'm down millions.

That's not true. I've watched Train. He wins a lot. You can win a lot. Yeah, now that I think about it, I'm down. Gamble. But anyway, so I'm gambling a lot. I'm down like 20K after day one.

I don't like that. It wasn't great. I know. Hey, but you know what they say. You got to be down to come back. Exactly. And I'm also able to compartmentalize because specifically from Phil Hellmuth and the gang. Yeah.

That's where the money came from. I mean, you're up. If you think about it, if you've made more than 20K in your life, so you're not down, you're still positive. I was actually saying these things in my head. You're memeing, but that's what I was doing at 5 a.m yeah and uh and and so i'm uh eventually we like i went a bit in the high roller room and everyone else wants to play because they were watching me play in the high roller and like let's all play together and so we go back to like the

main lobby we play pie gal you know an easy chill game you love some pie gal some pie gal you're friends right yeah yeah with friends it's like four of us it's only four of us by the way everybody else dropped dead like flies because they had too much alcohol and they were in bed by 6 p.m but you said it was 5 a.m yeah this the night before okay okay uh and so we sit down at this table play pie gal and a guy who's already sitting at the table is there with like a huge stack behind like 5 10k and we're just and it's like weird it's like a 25 pie gal yeah pie gal oh weird it's weird we sit there and we're chatting we're being chatty kathy's he's like yeah i'm a voiceover actor i'm like that's tight that's cool he's like i live in la and like that me too me too hey hey do obama yeah hey do obama and he'd be like oh my wife my wife yeah we'll just go wild yeah we lose our lives he actually did a spongebob

i thought it was so bad i didn't say it to him dude that is so fucking funny imagine a dude just doing a terrible spongebob yeah i'm a voice actor check out my spongebob he was like he was like yeah sometimes you have to fill in because like um kenny baker the guy who does much was like busy he does so many jobs so like you need a quick like fill for like his voice it's all do a spongebob like dude he's like he actually did the chanel west coaster he's like ah and i was like okay he's like squidward yo how would you make off that and i'm ready yo but i find out during this that his side gig is gambling and that's his he's a he's a sports better okay and he's sports bets and i'm like interesting that's cool but i don't i don't i

in my mind leading up to this i was like it's all kind of like a load of shit and all the odds are kind of out there and like computers have balanced out the edge that you can have as an individual it's not big yes like the edge is much smaller than it used to be for sports betting yeah that's what that's what i believe right yeah so i was like i was like okay cool whatever um but i think it's a load of shit uh but he's also telling me how's like he's great at blackjack and he can count cards so he said at the blackjack table the high roll we go back and he's telling me what to do i'm like a fucking robot he's like 500 i'm like cool but thousand i'm like cool and robot. He's like, bet 500. I'm like, cool. Bet 1,000. I'm like, cool.

And we do this for like an hour and a half. He's saying these things to you? Yeah, he's telling me every bet to make. And the dealer's like, fuck it, bro. In the high roller room, well, he was kind of doing it quiet. But to cover, he would just lift up his drink and be like, another one of these, please? Getting drunk over here.

Also, it's not really the dealer's job to bust you. It's the, the floor, the pit boss. And so they're the ones that are like hot, like Hawkeye and you like fucking getting mad at you. So, and I go up 10 K I'm at about 40 K and, uh,

and I, and I'm starting to feel good. Oh, that's the worst part. So I do one 20 K hand. I love that. Oh my God. What's the table max?

Did you have to get approval table max no no the table max is like 100 okay okay okay this is the high roll that's exciting i'm excited crazy insta loss okay what was the action i had like maybe 18 and then dealer just like i had 20 just fucking had it oh and i'm like i'm tough. You get the 18 and you're like, there's hope. There's a 10 showing. Right? No, didn't happen. Yeah, yeah, for the dealer.

And so then I'm like, okay, whatever. Two 10K hands, split it up, take away the dealer's card from her. God, I've been here so many times. Yeah. It just always ends the same way. And another instant loss. And this one was a sad way where I had to hit each one and i went over and i was like oh i have to play the book i'm supposed to hit here i have 14 and she has the nine showing

and i will say surrendering on a 10k hand is way more weight means a lot more than surrendering on like your hundred dollar hand or something yeah everybody gangsta till they have a six yeah and dealers got an eight and you're're just like, oh, okay, okay. Basically, within three hands, I lost $40,000, which is all I had. That's Vegas, baby. No, that makes me feel good.

That makes me feel good. It was sad. It was very, I was sad after that and I was kind of moping, you know, and I was like, I was like looking through my wallet

and fucking trying to find dollars. Like you're gonna get it back. Yeah. Fucking, fucking. Yeah, like i was gonna look at the text from the food bank and and i find one slip which is a sports bet that i had made previously in the in the morning and i had won it was on the warriors game and i bet that the warriors would win and they won so and it was worth 4k and then the guy the sports better was

like you know i could spin that up for you what like what he's like yeah oh oh your friend that you made yeah the friend that you meant like the the guy at the sports book no no behind the counter yeah you want to make some real fucking money the friend the friend that i made that was guiding me to do everything he's like i could spin that up there's a tennis game tomorrow morning i know who's gonna win just bet on that be an easy 2k that's crazy's crazy. And I'm like, all right. So I do it. I wake up at 8 a.m. after going to bed at 5.

Go make the bet. Go back to bed. Wake up. My guy won. Wow. Carlos or some shit. The fix is in. You know tennis.

You just said it was Carlos. Yeah, Carlos. That guy's good. Yeah. That's our analysis. Yeah, that's it. Fuck, nice. And I'm at 6K.

Big tournament right now. I'm at 6K and I have to leave. Cause I'm flying back here. And the guy's like, dude, if you want, I could make this like 15 K by the end of the day. And,

and so I leave six K with this stranger. No, it's not real money. I leave it. I'm like, cause I, cause I, I walked into the 50.

I have six. I want my money back. And this guy's telling me he can do it. And he, and he proved cause he won me one bet. And so that was the, that was the confidence I needed. So I give it back and this guy's telling me he can do it and he proved because he won me one bet and so that was the yeah that was the confidence i needed so i give it to him and he's texting me while i'm on the plane by the time i land it's a 45 minute flight he's like we're at 12k we've doubled up it's like 3 p.m that's great like juicy and then he hits me some weird shit

he's like oh dude huge sandstorm everything's down right now can you send me bitcoin and i'm like yeah it's suspicious yeah but i'm like i mean he's won me this much he's so many like sent me a text of all the receipts so i sent him 10k in bitcoin okay just blind faith that's okay i know i know oh and i too i haven't checked in with him but but Do you want me to call him right now and see how much we're at Oh my god yes I want that I do I want it Give us uppies now

Give us uppie bears I'll call him right now so to be clear I gave him 6,000 originally And then a 10,000 extra So we'll ask him how much we have in total He's made like 15 bets today I don't know what the fuck they are because I don't understand half the things that I'm reading.

But let me call him. Only rules. He doesn't like his name being said. Yeah. Because apparently he got banned from a casino for gambling. I mean, I'll tell him. Oh. What?

What? He declined your call. What? Oh, wait. he's messaging. He's texting. I did Facebook audio and he declined. Yeah, he's at the table. He can't pick it up.

No phones at the table, sir. Please. Thank you. Thank you. No phones at the table. What do you say? Currently with the girl. I'll call you after she leaves.

Bro, your 10K is getting spent on fucking Ruth Chris right now. You're so fucked. Alright, alright, alright. That dude is fucking gonna call you after busting a nut and being like, sorry, dude. It's gone. We'll slide it in. Your fucking 10K is getting the Benny Hahn treatment to a woman named Barbara

right now. You're so fucking fucked. Archie, when he calls, slide it in right now now yo what up brother how are you okay so i have to tell you two things one i am on a podcast that is recorded and two i have a question for you okay so you're currently on a podcast yeah it's it's not live. It's not a live podcast, but there are other people listening in. And we know what you've been up to. Now, in a similar circumstance, I told them that I gave you 10K in Bitcoin and they laughed at me.

And I told them I gave you 6K with no strings attached and they laughed at me. And so I would like for you to tell me because it's been a day now how much money are we at here so the um on the cash side the 6k cash side yes okay we are we are now able to withdraw but i still have the tickets in hand. Oh, excuse me. The only reason why I still have the tickets in hand is because I'm with the girl and I have not been able to go downstairs. Oh, so you're still base two. You'll get there.

What? Go ahead. What was it with the Bitcoin? So on the cash side, you're still up around $2,400. ahead what's the turn it was over the Bitcoin okay so 26 K to about 8.4 okay we did just lose the Warriors first half by less than two points oh it was the second half no first half only first half but we do

have money line on the Warriors when they were down by seven so that was money line minus 120 and then we also have Warriors at minus three and a half so if that covers you're going to be at around 21k on the bitcoin side what if we miss we'll be at 17 so we're up 7k so we're up 10k

total at minimum correct okay i Okay. That's pretty solid. He said you have a killer Spongebob. Oh my god. One time? One time, huh? For the boys. I'm ready. I'm ready.

Dude. That was pretty dude that was that was pretty that was pretty fucking good that was really good that was pretty fucking good that was good alright

thank you so much thank you so much sorry to bother you sorry to bother you didn't mean to interrupt your time with the girl nah nah nah you're good

you're good alright so question for you um this is on your, the yard podcast. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Cool. I'm doing more research about you. So yeah. Yeah. Podcast podcast time with the yard.

Gotcha. Okay. Um, yeah, I think by tomorrow or by Wednesday, you should be at your halfway mark of getting back that 50K. Love that. And then also what I would suggest is after the Bitcoin stuff comes through

and everything, you and your boys come out to Vegas and see how it's done in person. I'll mute it to my ears right now. You're tempting them. You're tempting them with the devil's fruit. Sir, I'm very familiar with your line of work

and I think we'd get along very well. Who's the one talking? Bald guy. Slime. what's up gang cool your manager yeah yeah yeah wow gotcha um no you're uh i think art told me that he was your manager so yeah you know warriors are down by six with nine minutes left i think warriors are gonna win by like two or three points i almost i almost took the grizzlies at plus nine and a half which was like what it was telling me to do but i just had one of the best threesomes of my life so that's crazy no it's great i love it i'm fucking vegas man wait are you saying that you've had bad threesomes?

Or that was just like... Yes, I am saying that. Okay, got it, got it. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, you know, it happens. This better all not be in the podcast. No, we'll cut around.

We can cut a lot of this in. We'll cut around some of the inside stuff. Probably just going to keep the threesome part. No, right? Not even anything else going to keep the threesome. Not even anything else, just only the threesome. We got a little Vegas trip to take. I would love to

invite you guys out here and just see how, you know, I mean, I know you're all pretty big, you know, YouTubers slash Twitch streamers slash just personalities. So, coming out here with, you know, YouTubers slash Twitch streamers slash just personalities. So coming out here with, you know,

a couple hundred thousand and just, you know, you're, you are able to have all your own money. Cause it's all cash and all that stuff. I'll make sure they get their a hundred K out. I'll make, I'll make sure they have,

I mean, probably like a quarter mil for each of us. I'll make sure they all pull it out yeah like seriously if we if you guys all did that and you guys came out here just for a few days actually what i would say is here give me one second wouldn't it be worth coming out if we didn't bring more than that right like we brought like like if you only bring like 20 like you're not even it's not even worth it at that point if you bring 20k yeah you're gonna make like what another 20k but why not if you're gonna bring 20k

might as well just bring a fuck ton more to make a lot so don't even come with 20 make sure you come with it all 20 sounds great well hey we'll call you I gotta go to Disneyland tomorrow I got a busy week ahead of me but hey we'll figure it out brother

I'll give you a call I don't want to keep you too long here no no no I'm good I'm literally just chilling in bed right now I would say if you guys want to be on a bigger scale that's definitely something that I would suggest that you guys do

and you know it's just gonna be a fun time. It will. And I actually did talk to my host, Ludd, about you. And he's definitely interested in meeting you. The one for Caesars, that is. And, yeah, once you see everything and once you see the lifestyle and my full, like,

my full lifestyle out here in Vegas, you'll be like, what the fuck? I've been doing Vegas all the way wrong this entire time. That's fair. I'll take you up on it. Don't know if it'll be tomorrow, but I promise you I'll message you and we'll figure something out. Alright, Gamer. Well, we gotta head out. We gotta finish

this podcast up because we got more recording to do because we gotta cut a lot of this out. Appreciate you and I'll keep in touch and we'll figure out. All good. You know what? You can call me after you guys get done and we can talk more.

Cool, cool, cool. All right, bye, man. Talk to you later. Peace. See ya. Talk to you later. That'll be how I die. That'll be the exact way, shape form i die on earth and hanging out with this guy he he did all the things that many could never do he talks like a snake oil salesman

it all makes sense will you trust him huh will you trust him with your money? Yeah. I think that just the way he was talking about lines and stuff like that, it's like I grew up around people like this, right, with my dad and stuff. But my dad was like a failed gambler, you know what I mean? And this guy's not that, right? What if it's an MLM and he's like Bernie Madoff and he gets me and he's like, maybe he's not even winning these bets. Yeah, that's true. He's like building up. He's like, yeah, you're at $20K and he gives me and he's like, maybe he's not even winning these bets. Maybe he's just like, he's like building up.

He's like, yeah, you're at 20K and he gives me 20K. And then he's like, get all your buddies to give me 100K and then he disappears. There's a possibility, but you kind of just got to heat check someone like that in real life.

Like that's what the hangout thing is, right? Because I've met, I don't know, there was this guy I ran around with and he and my dad were like, I don't know, they just worked together, right right the places that this guy couldn't bet at my dad would go bet for him and stuff like that and then like talk shop and like they didn't have the algorithm they weren't that smart to like get a hold of tools like that uh and shit like that but it's

it's more of just like a vibe check and uh if you here's the thing about like vegas and like the gambler social ecosystem is that your reputation really is like that means everything and usually you know like if you're if you're scamming people you either disappear forever not like you get killed or something but you just leave or you stick around but you don't want to be too known right so everything he's saying kind of lines up in that in that respect uh so that's crazy it just made it just put a smile i can't believe that conversation i just put a smile on my face what the fuck was that here we have been working for our money also i lives. I know you're all YouTubers. I know you're all content creators. Just come out with $100,000. Yeah.

I got maybe $20,000 in the bank right now. This is the guy with the Monclair shirt. You're buying too many Monclairs. Yeah, I bought like 50 of these. Wear them once. I thought your collar just said soccer because I can't read it.

Dude, that would be a better shirt. That would be a better shirt. That would be a very good shirt. Wow. Well, you have made probably the most important friend of your entire life. He has magic beans. Dude, that's you. Dude, I don't think that's the case. You're a little too horny here.

No, no. I just think that you're wrong. And I'm horny. I want you to foot job me right now. You're a little too horny here. No, no. I just think that you're wrong. Oh. And I'm horny. I want you to foot job me right now. Okay. Foot job me, Ludwig. Great.

Yeah, Ludwig. Foot job, Ludwig. Uh-huh. We go out there. Right. We get Jerma involved. I was going to say. He did say he has the suite where they did the hangover and he could get that suite. I think it's at Caesars, right?

Wow. Yeah. And we could film a podcast with Jerma in that sweet that'd be hype probably make it really that would be trash it yeah ooh it's just but it's just amen we all have the Mike Tyson tattoo

the bonus we do the main episode at 6pm we do the bonus at 6am oh before and after we bang yeah and it's just like and it's just cuts and you just switch episodes and it's like trash everywhere. Aiden's fucking cock is out. I think we've lost all our money.

Yeah. Like Aiden's cock is out too and we lost all our money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We lost our money. It's so soft. And it's just like soft and wiggly like a little baby worm.

We're doing like one of these with it. It's going like. I don't think it's going. It starts to levitate. We're spinning it so fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like maple tree seed. We're putting it inside of a hot it it's going like it starts to levitate we're spinning it so fast yeah it's like maple tree seed that we're putting inside

of a hot dog bun we're squishing it and it kind of comes out of the hot dog bun yeah we put mustard on it this is so much mustard and slime's like I'm gonna eat it

and we're like no don't do it don't do it don't do it yes yes sounds great

welcome to the yard by the way we ever did that part welcome to the yard make sure to way. We ever did that part. Welcome to the yard. Make sure to join our Patreon. Very, very special Patreon. Anyway, see you later. And we're back. Wow, that was crazy.

Dude, imagine. That he lost it all. No, I'm back, baby. I'm at $100,000 now. Dude, I want to gamble so bad. I said it two episodes ago. Oh, you didn't go with him? I thought you were going to go with him.

What? You were like, I'll go with you to Vegas. i did yeah it's recorded oh maybe i did say that maybe but i think then it was like a bachelor party so it's different yeah it's not like a go to vegas for fun thing hey but i want to gamble so bad it's been a while i'm over it you're over it now i really don't enjoy it did this kill you i really don't i didn't enjoy it it wasn't fun losing the money and and I'm a bad gambler. Then why do you keep going? You are a bad gambler. Like, you can just go to a better table.

It's insane. Look at the odds for six to five. Not even that. It's insane. What I'm more mad about is how I keep thinking to myself, like, if I have, like, 20K, I'm like, oh, if I just bet 20K, I'll be at 40K. That's easy. So I just do one hand rather than, like, you know, smaller bets.

You know if you do that infinitely, eventually you break even. No, because then you run out of money. Not you. Not Ludwin Under. What, you're going to lose fucking 50 times in a row? You're talking about the Martingale betting system, and it's like after 13 bets or something, you have the fucking GDP of Venezuela or something. You call up Susan and say, look, I'm stuck. What does

Marvin Gaye have to do with this? It's the most sexual bets are the ones that win. Yeah, I'm over it. I like the idea of calling up calling up susan be like look i'm stuck can we fucking do we figure something else i don't think she would and she's like ludwig not again like come on i really don't come on dude susan just shoot me 50 i just need 50k that nft shit you were talking about that sounds awesome i love it give me a front give me a front of bitcoin i'll get some shit going for you

i was listening to old episodes and ludwig's like constantly just so fomoed about nfts like back like last year oh yeah and uh and now it's like fucking finally taking a nose everyone's fucking quiet yeah i don't see nadeshot tweeting about his new nft that he bought does he still have the fucking profile picture profile picture check and zipper he does i think i think he does i ever still got that shit where do they like give him a kick did they give him what or maybe they gave it to him for free no what happened is gary v got a bunch of influencers in a call like eight to ten months ago and was like you guys you guys you guys are so young you guys are so young and you need to get CryptoPunks.

And then all of them bought CryptoPunks. And there's like a ring of influencers who all own them and made a shit ton. We just met like an elf and he just told us to buy the stuff. It's like in RuneScape when a random elf comes up to you and then you have to go do the side quest. And maybe you get a thousand GP or maybe you get a ruby.

I wish that RuneScape like old school runescape was instead the arena that all this happened in instead of like NFTs and shit like it just runescape was just like

where it all blew up and you got like fucking boomers that are 55 being like like checking out their runescape account and their profile pictures

are runeskimitars yeah yeah it'd be so much it'd be so much funnier yeah than all this shit that we have now it'd be great

I mean it's kind of dying it's dead in a way yeah which is hype what are you talking about RuneScape or NFTs no NFTs yeah yeah

RuneScape it's great RuneScape not doing great I don't think it's dead I feel like I still see it at shit time RuneScape NFTs

NFTs it's down 92% it's down what 92% from its peak in September it's like crazy down that's pretty far down then mine worth like nothing

speaking of by the way you fucked me yo Aiden fucked Ludwig oh so this is coming back how many times the crypto market has crashed completely

I've lost like maybe 30% of all the money you told me to put in have you sold no I'm still so up

oh he's got the diamond hands yeah that's what they call Odell that was trending today. Was that you, buddy? Was that you and your pals?

Yeah, me and the buds. You and your fucking Reddit. You and your fucking Reddit. You and your fucking crypto bros. Hey, guys. Ryan Cohen tweeted again. Aren't we excited? I don't know who that is, but that was just a funny.

God, if that pops up one more time, you guys are miserable. You guys are fucking miserable, Ryan cohen dude i don't know who is this it's not worth explaining nf tiktok is gonna fucking have a field day we're fucked here's how i lost seven thousand dollars i didn't fuck you yeah yeah i didn't tell you i didn't tell you to pump money in you were were the one who... You just talked about gambling 50K. You just spent 10K to a random guy. Dude, I wish I was there so bad. Look at this.

I want to hold you after that. Look at this, Aiden. It was so much higher. It's all going to shit. No, but this is... Look at this. This is the same conversation we have every time. This is still above what you bought it at.

Down 20% in a week. I do like the idea of Ludwig losing 40K because he gets freaked out about a couple of bucks when he's gambling and he's just because i think the the best part about gambling or at least no sorry this is literally not but when you lose a lot of money gambling if you do it with your friend by your side it's just you you share something oh dude it's disgustingly sad i hate it i know i was alone you wish you were alone yeah i wish i could no you know what i hate is when your friend's up and you're not because it's like you're supposed to feel happy for him but you're just mad you're like this isn't fair yeah that's how i felt in fucking arizona the entire table just kept going up dude and i kept running it down he was gambling

like a moron yeah that's no not on the first it's also funny if it happens to you because you're a spreadsheet yeah not on the first night. It's also funny if it happens to you because you're a spreadsheet shit. Not on the first night. I only spreadsheet poker. Come on. It doesn't matter. The fact that, and you didn't run it back against Destiny's

Fiend, you're just like paying the price. So when it happens to you, unless it's like an insane amount of money, and you saying that also makes it okay and funny.

Yeah, it's the comeuppance of God. So that makes you the least fun gambler in the group. I figured out gambling. That's fine because gambling's not about

fun. And that's why you're the least fun gambler group because you. I figured out gambling. That's fine because gambling is not about fun. And that's why you're the least fun gambler group because you said that. And everyone in the room contrasts how I figured it out and makes my theory wrong. But what I figured out is to win at gambling, you must be rich. And if you're rich, it's easy. It is. I discovered what hosts are too.

What? Every casino has a person called a host that works at the casino that treats people who gamble a lot of money very nice whale hunter yeah but i didn't realize that i had lost enough money that the guy that the sports better was like yeah you should have been given like a free comp room some money back at least but i didn't i just lost all of it and didn't get any of that that's how i got a couple free rooms when they're like you want a player card you're like no and then he went to best buy and spent fucking 100 grand and they're like that's a lot of rewards you missed out on yeah and i was well you can get them back they want you to stay they want you to feel like you had a good time so he called down he has a host and the guy came down like five minutes and then he was i was like chatting to him and now the boxing glove he

started jerking you off yeah he's like well so you only lost 30 casers so I can either jerk you the boxing glove or maybe comp half your room it's up to you just looking down at your sad little depressed dick and you're like

I don't think that'll make me happy it was after I was down like 50k and I was like hey can I get like like cause he's talking about how he gets

raked back he's like can I get raked back he's like no but I can get you an uber to the airport wow no you get the fuck

out of my house to the Vegas airport from the Strip. Yeah. No, that's tight. A three mile drive. No, that's tight. Because I was 15. That was a lot.

Why are you aiding or why are you slime pilled? Did you already explain that? No. No. It's been happening. Tell me another W that I've caught. So hi. Hi.

Now I'm the content creator. I'm the content creator now. Feels so warm. I made my YouTube video a couple weeks ago. And that video, I think it's getting a little picked up by the algo. Because it got like, I don't know, it got like 8, 10 K views in the first couple

days. But now it's getting way more now. Like almost two weeks later. He called up Susan. And he said, just give me some context. 27 K views right now. Is that 27 K two weeks later. He called up Susan. What's way more? And he said, just give me some context. 27k views right now. Is that 27k?

I watched it the other day. 30, yeah, it's just about at 30. I think it's 27. Oh. You know. And,

which is not what I expected because you get most of your views in like the first couple days, right? Yeah. And I get notifications for all the comments I get and I haven't gotten

like YouTube comments on like anything I've made in a very long time, understandably. People have started going through the backlog of my old videos, though, which are all very young me being embarrassing, which is fine. But everybody makes the same goddamn jokes. Yeah. Aren't people really funny? Aren't people funny on the internet when they comment?

It's so miserable. And they message you and they show you little memes that they think you would think is funny aren't they so funny all the time so that's what i've been thinking about is he being genuine because these comments the comments on the my my newest video that i made which is about like fucking esports and like smash economics or whatever and uh some of the comments especially the first ones were all great. They're clearly coming from people who have like consumed the video or, uh, have like at least watched most of it or just enjoyed it. But now the comments are like more people who are clearly have only watched

like maybe like a couple minutes of the video. And then they just want to say something like about how, like how hacks hacks was right. And how left and should be banned oh my god that doesn't have anything to do with anything said in the entire 20 minute video funny dude and uh and there's all these other comments that are just uh like every they'll say something like well like of course smash doesn't have any money in it it's like because of this and it's this thing that i talk about like very directly in the video so you clearly haven't watched it and it's this thing that i talk about like very directly in the video so you

clearly haven't watched it and it's just loads of those comments now and i'm losing my fucking mind it makes me so it makes me so angry and i started to process this because i started thinking i started thinking about this how i've been going through the cycle as the podcast has grown of all the things that Anthony has complained about over time. And it's like this whoa! Real quick. I'm going back if you need me. Let's do it.

Yes! Yeah, we're going back in time. I wish we were funny. Time check? We're at about like, I think 90 of of usable we need to go back to the moment where you were telling me about how right i am oh yeah yes we will finish that out all right there's not much to finish you're just angry at stupid comments no i slime was right and he's always right no always always always always always going through the thought process

because i it damages my soul to admit that anthony could be could have been right about this all along because he's been right about some other things like related to the podcast growing you're making them hornier interactions with people i'm not trying to do that and i'm so horny for you from being right it's let's have a let's have a celebratory I'm right book. It's like the same thing as your parents telling you, like, oh, your views are going to change. You're going to become like me one day, which I don't think is necessarily true with parents,

but this is like the hyperbolic time chamber of content. Yeah, I'm your time dad. You're dumb as fuck. You're my time dad, and I'm your time dad you're dumb as fuck you're my time dad and i'm becoming you and i'm really i'm lost i live in fear of the other things that might all the things that i've said since i met you that might just come true i have one thing i have one thing in my corner that makes me feel like i might not become you at the end of it and the comments make me upset but i thought about those uh you know the old there it. And the comments make me upset, but I thought about those, you know the old,

there's that old Reddit thread where I got pissed at people about Flatiron. Or old comments in just Smash in general. People would say some stupid thing or idea or opinion about the way that Smash worked worked for instance and i was always angry about those things back then too i just wasn't a guy with a following who was making youtube videos who had enough like press to like see that thing and create the comments so the

opportunities were like fewer and far between so that gives me hope that that's just who i am and i won't become like you. This is my stopping point. So you're saying that you just already are like me. I already am like you, but not... And that makes you feel comforted? No, no. Wait, what? Yeah, you're saying that you're the same.

You're saying that we're the same, but you're just realizing it now. No, but I have a limit. It's like this is... I stand my ground when somebody when somebody makes it when somebody makes a dumb post under my YouTube video and I correct them that that makes me feel right in this

you're making a dumb post on our YouTube video that's what I do but I don't get mad at innocent people who are just trying to have a conversation and I don't think I will become that uh are you sure yes because are your DMs open right now? Yeah.

I just don't read them anymore. At all. I actually stopped checking them entirely. It's very freeing. Just do that with comments, idiot. Yeah. You're telling me. It's not real.

You're wrong because you're saying now that I made a YouTube video, I understand Slime's right. I've been making more YouTube videos than anyone here and I think he's wrong. No, no, no. Cap, I've made the most.

You've not even come close. You can't just say that. You're not even close. Your brain doesn't work. I'm starting to believe him. Your brain doesn't work, so it doesn't count. It does work. It works in a very...

Everyone has a great argument. It works really functionally. I don't know how I feel. It works very well. A neutral party. Does his brain work when it comes to reading comments and messages? No, it does work. Thank you.

I chose the best path. So your opinion on this doesn't matter because you don't feel things when you read i also reply to comments sometimes yeah but you always do it in that fucking youtube just yeah i've always said ludwig's youtube descriptions that he writes are the most authentic he you will ever find him and it always pisses me off because you only reply to things with like a shouty shouty voice because you find it's like hard for you to articulate yourself in writing and stuff like that and then you do like a heart at the end and i'm like that's not you're not replying you're just like let's go you're just placating dude who asked yeah but you kind of so so you're me which is cool i am a little different because i was explaining

this a lot like the other day i was like i think the yard itself has validated me to where like i don't i don't need to feel valid through things like for instance like melee commentary or stuff like things that used used to make me mad when people like book commentary sucks i'm like no fuck you i'm good like i don't care that much anymore because this experiment this great american experiment has sort of proven that i am funny and that's all i've ever really cared about right on a larger scale and i i can like i can hold that and be like hey i don't get too mad now you know what what the fuck is that what's that oh what is it what did you would you hit the well what's up no no we proved you're really funny yeah yeah is this why i'm not talking

about you guys talking about the results is this why you're doing summit commentary no uh i just i want it to be i wanted i thought i think i can do it really good i think is why and also i think that like scar and love is not being there i'm like you know what i can i can kind of like maybe fill the gap even though i think Stars Commentary sucks now and I think Lovett just like tired but I just wanted to make I wanted to be a part of it I think I was just like I want to be a part of this

no it'll be good it'll be good to have a guy there that's capable of throwing to a break that'll be really nice yeah what can I say I'm a seasoned vet also this guy at the function the tournament i went to to commentate it was like came up to me yard fan little drunk annoying comes up and he's

like i heard you like weren't good at melee bro and he's like trying to like goad me i hate that and i was he was like fine about it he's like yo i'm sorry i know you hate people coming up to you he's like all right and he's like i got 94 my venmo i will like i want to money match you right now because like i saw you playing against ludwig bro and i like don't think that you know i don't know and i'm fine with it i'm not like pissy i was like oh shit well i think i'm pretty good i think i'm i think i'm good enough if we play and i fucking 11 stock him. That's not good. He just paid $94. For the small Melee boys and girls at home,

for however bad you think Anthony is, Anthony is actually very good at the game. Dude, I lost a stock. I took my own stock. It would have been a triple four stock. And it's like Falco did it. And I was like, and it was fine. The guy was fine. He's just a little drunk, which annoying and uh and i was like dude keep your money and he's like no no because he knows it's like bitch made right yeah it's like oh no i got

i gotta pay you and i'm like i'm not taking your 94 in your venmo you fucking obviously suck at this game and i said your payment is me telling this on the podcast nice Nice. I like that. So shout out to that guy. He was nice, but you, I don't like talking to drunk people, so don't fucking talk to me if you're drunk anymore. But also, he said he was an EMT. And he was like, yeah, bro, I listened to The Yard and The Ambulance. And I'm like, that's interesting. And I stopped.

I was like, has anyone ever died listening to us? And he got real serious. He's like, no, no, I don't play it when I was like, has anyone ever died listening to us? And he got real serious. He's like, no, no, I don't play it when there's like someone dying in the back. And I'm like, yo, how's it going back there, pussy? Do you hurt yourself? Oopsie whoopsies. Wee woo wee. That was me.

Just kidding. Hey, fun bill coming your way. Lum out. Hey, don't worry They're getting the Narcan ready Should've drove dipshit I didn't like that thought The thought that someone's last moments are me talking about like

Cum and fucking blowing loads and shit I was like that's harrowing But he promised me And it was like the most serious he got I like how that pulls him out of like drunk mode He's like I would never you need to under... He's like, I would never. But you suck at melee, dude. But yeah, so that was my little fan story.

Bro, we're at 120 right now. Cut us. Look, we just ran... Slide us over to the primo, Mr. Cut to break guy. Yeah, let's slide us over. Hey, guys, thank you so much for watching the Yard Summit. We got some great action coming up after this. We're going to have Eamon try to pleasure an entire pack of beagles.

And we'll see that on the Patreon. Let's see if he squirts first or Isabelle. Patreon.com slash the yard for more squirting action. Is that a name of a beagle? Isabelle the beagle? Isabelle the beagle. Goodbye now. And she's a wild one.

See you later.