The Yard - Ep. 46 - Nick Kickflips our 100,000 Subscriber Plaque

Episode Date: May 25, 2022

Our YouTube plaque is finally used for what it was made for - for Nick to injure himself doing skate tricks in front of his friends. Also this week, Ludwig falls further into the dark hole of gambling addiction, Slime's suspicions of the Riot Games cabal are confirmed, and Aiden pees on The Yard set (again).

one more for safety it's mr baseball fan dude you like baseball now dude there was a guy so weird yesterday i was at a food court i saw a guy who was wearing um an angel's hat but not like a baseball cap like it was a hat with a full wrap of like the angels playing baseball like a picture a picture that yeah uh and then he was wearing like almost the same game but like on his back yeah he was just a full baseball guy that was a big game and i thought a baseball fan he just liked that one particular game crazy game i trying to full pivot because I got a text from my mom and it said, ha ha, saw you on the news. And it was a tweet from Barstool.

And it's Ludwig says this about baseball. And it was a 19-like tweet about my take on baseball. It was at the beginning of my mogul mail. And I said the second greatest mystery is that baseball players get paid so much money even though the sports boring that went wild in normie twitter that's a bad thing to say on normie that was like a gender reveal in a forest

for normie baseball dude there's like there's 50 year olds across the nation that want your fucking head in a box I don't understand how streamers make so much money so they mark you as a gamer, which is already, that allows the boomers to be like, well, I'll play video games for a living. All this guy does is play video games all day.

Wow. The game's boring as hell. It's four hours of nothingness with maybe three to four hits in between. I said that. You know what's funny? Barstool can suck our fucking dick, by the way. Actually, I think I might go to a baseball game with the writer of that. That's funny. But Barstool tried to. But the rest of them can suck our fucking dick, by the way. Actually, I think I might go to a baseball game with the writer of that. That's funny.

But Barstool tried to... But the rest of them can suck our dick. You know what? That guy's kind of ill. That guy's tight. I like that guy. Barstool, this... Yardigans don't know this, but they tried to get a piece of the yard before.

Leak alert. Leak alert. It's a leak alert. Shout out to leaking in our penises and our mouths. They do. Because only your penis did that for about six weeks or whatever that your penis is. Your penis did leak.

But your guys never leaked your penises. Not like that. On the top five list of reasons to be mad at Barstool, trying to give us money. I don't think it's on there. I'm just saying. It's funny how they make passing jokes about sexual assault and they try to give us money.

I like the money part. Well, no. The other part was cool, too. If no one's Barstool, you're back. Barstool. Barstool. They tried to, they like, we talked to them to like set up because like, it's funny. When we started the podcast, we talked to a lot of like people that were trying to like

get a piece of it early on that would like help do ad stuff. And it's funny because they treat influencers influencers rightfully so like they're just idiots like they're just like dipshits that don't know what they're doing it's like yeah we can like build you guys a set and this and that it's like oh wait we've done yeah we could like get you guys cameras we'll pick out the cameras for you so we hit the hot button on spotify and apple we want to support you help you build 60 equity and we want you to feel good about doing the show we'll give you a project manager they'll lay it all out and like fucking in monday it's this great software you should see my spreadsheets give you a project

manager and then actually just signing us up for monday would be custom and you know what if it happens to tubbo fuck it dude that'd be a moment let him die anyway welcome back to the yard everybody brought to you by barstool brought to you by our 100,000 subscriber youtube plaque no thanks to barstools anywhere or baseball are we even at 200k yet we're like no i don't know we're not hey we've never done this early subscribe to the damn youtube right now pieces of shit. Please. All of you fuckers suck.

You have gone on that bell. Subscribe and don't click the bell. I don't care about the bell. Just subscribe. Well, the bell is actually more important. Well, is it? No. Oh, dude.

The bell doesn't change the number. We'll have it. The bell doesn't change the number. And I only care about the number. Stop subscribing until we say this on Thursday. And then get us to 200K 200k yes and then we'll get our 200k plaque yeah you win the game uh prizes i know what you're all thinking uh i said i'd kickflip this that's right uh and uh as slime pointed out i'm doing i'm kickflipping it in the

lesbian force yeah uh what do you think the hardest trick nija houston could do in those in these yeah dude he? Dude, he could probably fuck the block up. I bet he's like not a spinning. He's like he's landing bolts on a tray flip. I want to see one run I want to see one run at X Games with Naja Houston and Birkenstocks.

That's like it's own competition brought to you by Birkenstocks. Tony Hawk's last 900 in Birkenstocks You gotta ride the brakes Tony Hawk's last 900 In Birkenstocks Cause he dies Your three heats and then your lesbian heat And then you gotta combine your scores

Oh man That's how you unlock Ellen DeGeneres in Tony Hawk Is to just make the character wear Birkenstocks Her stats are dog shit How fast can you get Skate and Birks If your speed's a little slower You can only do like This thing doesn't have wheels

I didn't try I didn't like try that part You didn't add trucks That's actually a good point I don't really know how to do that We could like bolt trucks But it's like We kind of already

I'm just gonna do my best You're sounding so pussy I'm not pussy Cause when you brought it up Originally I was like You can't kickflip that And you're like I could kickflip anything

You did say that You said that Or she rolled a flashback Yeah right When we hit 100k Because when you brought it up originally, I was like, you can't kickflip that. And you're like, I could kickflip anything. You did say that. Archie, roll the flashback. When we hit 100k and we get our first YouTube plaque, can I kickflip it? Yes. Would you guys be down? Yes. You should install wheels on it.

We put wheels on it, we kickflip it. When we brought it up the first time, you talked about attaching trucks to it. so i think you assumed you could do the trick with trucks on it i'll remember that but either way i'm gonna try uh let's get it you want a side bet if i land yeah or not you can't be i'm sorry both in the same camp no we're wait what do you mean what camp are you in you don't think no i'll bet he can get it i'll side bet he gets it right now I'll side bet he can get it. I'll side bet he gets it right now. Oh!

The double? Dude, I saw... Dude, that was it. You just needed to land on the thing. Okay. That was close. Did I die one more time? Yeah, yeah. One more, one more.

No, God, you're scaring me, dude. Doing it on this... Hey, shut up. Dude. If he dies if he breaks some music oh shit christ fucking lots of weed and amen's really cringe oh shit i'm Superman. Okay, so the reason why... Did it break? Did it break? He spiked it.

Well, it's definitely dented. So no head, Susan? So no head. So no head? So no head. Thank you, YouTube, for the award. The reason why I'm freaking out for those... Because I feel like the angle isn't very good.

People know that we climb up into the set. There's a trap door. And Nick is doing the trick onto the trap door. The trap door doesn't... Bro, I'll kickflip the trap door. Fucking keep talking. Why are you scared of that and not people making fun of your outfit?

Because people make fun of your outfits all the time. My outfits are ironic. Actually, he gets to say that. Yeah, that's true. We made fun of him the second he showed up. Plus, I got these new cords. I'm trying something. What?

I'm trying something new. Look, I've never owned a pair. I've never owned a pair of boots in my entire life. I love the boots. That's what you're doing, right? Yeah. I love the boots. I like the idea that we're doing this in a yard like at our parents house in the backyard

and you're wearing boots in a cardigan. And I'm a yuppie in Brooklyn. You you did change for the podcast yeah that's crazy you look like shit you think i look like shit i just noticed outfit you look weird i look no he looks fine there's a ranking right now you think you look cooler than i look do me you said i said i'm fine you look fine are we allowed to talk about top gun by by the way? Yeah, we can talk about Top Gun. It literally comes out the 24th in select theaters. Shout out to Nina Debrev, who posted on Instagram that the movie made her cry. Really?

It moved her so deeply. I actually made the same Insta story. That's insane. I said, openly weeping in the theater watching Top Gun Maverick. It was a great movie. I think, have you guys seen the original? No. Yeah.

And I never will. He hasn't. Have you? No. That's so funny. Have you guys seen the original? No. Yeah. And I never will. He hasn't. Have you? No. That's so funny. Have you? Yes. I feel like I've seen Top Gun

in a dentist's office. It's my dad's favorite movie. I was going to say, Aiden's dad probably sat him down and made him watch it over and over. No, I watched it. So I have this weird relationship That's why you became bisexual.

The volleyball scene. Yeah. Your dad made you bisexual. Dude, they make They have a new volleyball scene. They have a new volleyball scene. That was the first thing he asked me is it was like he's like was there a volleyball scene i was like yeah and he's like it the the original volleyball scene is so fucking hot yeah it's crazy the new scene's also hot look it's great it's okay he hasn't seen top gun so i couldn't okay just because my dad didn't hold me by the scruff of my neck and

make me watch it every week. Look at the planes, son! Look at the fucking planes! That's what it was like. Straight shot! No turns! Aiden watches one of those fucked up movies that's modified by a religion.

And it's his dad. And it's like all the plane scenes are only when they're going straight. Yeah. Like, see, son? They don't turn. That's the next movie. It's Top Gun straight shot.

Maverick wins every dog fight by not turning. We can't hit him. He's so unpredictable. He's got to turn. What freak wouldn't turn there? It's like Russian guys. He's got to turn eventually.

That's French. That was so French. The movie they talk about the enemy the whole time. Enemy territory, the enemies. It's so clear they're talking about Russia the entire time but they refuse to say it I thought it could have been

China dude in the mountains of Shenzhen do they not show the enemies no you can't just keep saying I thought I thought it could have been China there was a lightly say that you always like lose silverware in the house like fuck that's a truck rubbing off on

me dude here's the thing cancel atrioc he hates the chinese atrioc's over party truck stubs his toe and then goes fucking chinese yeah he says that and then and then he's like whoa yeah i just think uh hong kong needs to be reintegrated back into the mainland that's atrioc's take if he's paid enough money i don't know enough about geopolitics to know if that is a good thing or a bad was just Aiden's only opportunity to show he knew that.

That's why he's wearing the European card. I'm making fun of Atriox because I know he would get that joke. I don't think that should happen. Fucking Atriox.

Yeah we did it. We did a Top Gun watching because I'm sponsored by them. But the weird part was there was two security guards posted up at each exit for the duration of the movie those who didn't sit down those were top and guns do you think

do you think it was because i i was really really tempted yayling kept making this joke i thought it was super funny he's like i'm gonna stream it to the r discord dude i was gonna get my phone out start a joke by the way sued for every person who's watching it. Just breaking a huge law. For like $100,000 a person. That's the one they do come for us for. Because they know Ludwig personally. And they know he went.

And we would be admitting to a crime. But they also know it's about the pilot, not the plane. So they'd respect me for that. Yeah. It's about the pilot, not the plane. You don't get it. I know it's from the movie. You don't get get it i am the top gun dude you don't get the joke some lines in that fucking movie are so he came home what we came home from the from like

the the movie actually yeah i think it was just you and me we got like coffee yeah and we're driving and he he just kept saying it's the pilot not the plane and he's like i bet i was like he's like i bet you think it's the plane don't you i mean yeah i guess because i was making the argument that i am i could be top gun because i i could kill people and he couldn't do it he doesn't have the dog there's no way he could do the run in two minutes and 15 seconds because he thinks it's about the point a lot of people think it's about the point. Because he thinks it's about the plane. A lot of people think it's about the plane. It's not. You got to stop thinking and you got to start doing. Right.

So I feel like. It's a spoiler, but the part where he's just like, you told me not to think. And he's like, I did do that. Dude. He spends the whole movie saying he didn't do one thing. There's this part in the beginning of the movie where he's at the bar and he's talking to the love interest and she's just a dog in him like, I won't

go home with you. And he's just like, yeah, I just want a beer. I know you want to fuck me with your big cock, Tom. I know you want to fuck me. I won't let you fuck me, Tom. We used to do it back in the day, but I have a daughter now and I can't fuck you. you will never

fuck me with your long dick yeah tom yeah i'm actually here just to teach these kids how to fly okay crazy thing so in the movie maverick aka tom cruise aka top gun the mango flying the mango flying aka the nick of click kick flipping 100,000 subscriber that's a big comment he does this thing where he doesn't listen to his superiors and so I'm also sponsored by Top Gun

and for this thing not for this podcast by the way we're just freely talking about it watch if you want he's a bad boy who doesn't play

by the rules but ultimately can soften up yes because he loves because he loves loves in general that's why you

couldn't be Top Gun well I was Top Gun let me. Well, I was Top Gun. Because he doesn't love. Let me tell you how I was Top Gun. And I get Top 2 Gun. So I was streaming. Bars, bro. Not bars.

I had a better tweet. Part of the sponsor thing is they want to give challenges to my viewers that are gaming related. So they made my viewers play google flight simulator the best and then the best person to do it would move on to the contest and did you judge this yeah and i had to judge this you should have got his stupid hot dad to judge it for you well instead what i did is i would have done i was like just make an entertaining video and then two people jumped out of a plane and those are the people who moved on yeah you're like you win nobody wants to watch them like do the google on. Yeah, you're like, you win. They jump out and top gun.

Nobody wants to watch them do the Google Flight Simulator. So they were like, we need another gaming challenge. And they told me that the week leading up to it. And I was like, this sounds bullshit. Making your subs survive 11 Gs. Extra fucking dies. Three died. Sick, nasty blacks out.

Shits his pants. Has to get dragged out of the cockpit uh but but that was that was it they wanted me to do some boring gaming shit so i pulled a top gun moment and then on my stream like anna's the one who's messaging me she's like yeah it has to be this gaming thing i said they want me to do a gaming thing we're not doing a gaming thing boys and i just came up with a new idea that i thought was better uh how'd they feel about that on the spot and i didn't know at all so i was like waiting this entire week i finally got a message from anna and she's like they accepted it wow because they had to i just said it on stream in front of like 15 000 people that's what the fuck is up bro if you want to be a real maverick for your sponsor deliverables amen you better be like ludwin and do what you want you can't listen to the rules that's right and and that's why i have another

ad read for you subscribe to the patreon or you're a terrorist yeah it's about the reader not the ad you're the enemy from the movie you're the enemy if you don't do it you're the evil person the movie i thought about, the movie's entertaining in the exact same way that Fast 9 is. Yeah. Of course. It's just goofy action. Which is also a fire movie.

It's a fun watch. It's just, I laughed the entire time. My life is better having seen it. Yeah. I think it's like, man,

when Top Gun came out in like the 80s and like all those 80s movies, oh, I'm sorry, are we interrupting something? Why is it the loudest vibrate of all time? What's going on?

This is the second podcast in a row. Why is it always some shit? It's Zip 2. It's right in front of the class. I gotta make sure it's not in front of the class. Oh, is this some dumb shit? Zipper 2, no, call her. It better be some dumb shit. No, I'm not gonna call her.

He's typing all caps here right now. You better be yelling at her. I'm yelling. I'm yelling at her voice down there. Because she deserves it. I want her to know that it's like in real life when I do it. Yeah. I'm trying to emulate the volume that i that i have when i'm

screaming at her in my room never do this again and for your punishment draw me a picture of nami fully nude yeah you better you're you're getting punished now so you better draw two pictures of that one is sonic the hedgehog's asshole and she her head's going in it yeah she said sorry she said sorry to interrupt tifa from Final Fantasy 7 is also there and she doesn't have a top on. So what now? You know about that, buddy, don't you? Y'all ever...

No top on. So Cutie has a new assistant. She has a new assistant. You don't know about this? You really don't know? Cutie's got a new assistant, right? Yeah. Cutie's assistant has been around the house like a few days a week to just help Cutie

out with stuff. Same way that Yingling is around. We were talking about this morning. It's like me and Nick. Me and Nick need to get PAs. So everybody has like their own little buddy in the house. Their own little minion. I literally said Pokemon.

Our days have been the same, by the way. I said Pokemon, but then I also said that we can make them all fight each other yeah and we talked about their stats concept of the last episode as well instructions like we would with pokemon so you gotta tell them like fucking dodge i do like the idea of like types as well like nick yingling like his type is like i guess he doesn't smoke weed but he kind of dude it's funny yingling is like he doesn't smoke weed but he if you told me he smoked every single hour i'd be like that makes sense wait he does smoke weed he smokes weed sometimes so much what are you talking about he rips the pen on him that has i forgot about it all the dude okay

nick yingling walks around with uh valkyrae's merch on because he just took it from our house he wears it all the time and he valkyrae's merch has because he just took it from our house. He wears it all the time. Valkyrae's merch has like a sleeve pocket, like a zipper that opens and he keeps his weed pen in it and he unzips it and then hits the pen. Nick Yingling's boomstick is the one that Rochelle, Stan's wife, hit and then

fucking passed out. She did throw up for a minute. She called him out at Top Gun before the movie started. She said, what was in Gun. Yeah. Before the movie started. She said, what was in that? I smelled a lot of weed and it took me out. And he was like, yeah, at least with PCP. It's like my thing.

Yeah. I didn't know he was so hardcore. He's hardcore. Have you looked in his eyes, dude? Yeah, but I didn't know he smelled so less. No, they're not. Anyway, yeah. So I was, so Kitty has a new assistant.

She's really, really nice. And sometimes she'll be at the house. I don't know when this happens, when she comes to the house, when she's like around. And when she is around... Yeah, there's no like fixed schedule. I think that's something that's important.

It's like, it's not that frequent. It's not like Monday through Friday, 9 to 5. And it's like irregular. Oh, round three? So I... You're a fucking... Fat whale. It was just the arm.

Of a man. we're all good nothing didn't you do look like shit your facial hair looks like shit anyway so i'm he said it he said it actually i was out of call you just said that randomly there was no context no he said it affected him and so i made sure to wound him live on the podcast because i'm the everybody thinks it because i'm the evil guy remember guys because me and amen because i hate amen so i'm the evil guy can you continue your story terrorist i i am i come downstairs on my wrist and i'm like it's like 11 and i am in my boxers uh-huh yeah no no you were just in your boxers i was just in my boxers and i which by the way you wear old man boxers you wear like i wear boxer you wear

seven-year-old haines you wear the first fruit of the looms ever yeah i wear boxer when you go to the factories in massachusetts they show the loom where they made it it's just the woman's still there when did boxer briefs become old man shit they're not yours are old man shit because they're like they were white and now they have like a gray patina no they don't no literally come on i put dude i'm wearing red you're acting like he's coming down in sloppy underwear i i come down in like boxer briefs like this except they're gray and um i'm looking for bears okay in the morning i'm always looking for bears to go on a little ride you're looking for human beings yeah that's what slime says for pussy yeah no i'm not msq and razz dad's cut out so i'm looking for like people to go get coffee with and yeah you get it and uh and i'm like i

post in the group chat like any coffee bears and then like sometimes i get a response sometimes i won't uh most of the time i won't it's fine whatever and so i come downstairs from my room and i think it's like any other normal day and i'm in my boxer briefs and i kind of stomp down halfway and as i stomp down halfway i see amen down the stairs i'm at the bottom he's walking at the bottom of the stairs like near where the front door is and i'm like staring at down at like 45 degree angle and i'm like oh i'm in i'm a bear aren't you amen all right and i just start you know doing normal things for the morning yeah this is normal

by the way this is normal and then so I just start and he just starts laughing really hard and I'm like this is hitting Eamon a little harder

than I thought it would hit him and I'm like and I'm like dude like you can't because you know that no you didn't say anything well no you didn't say I said dude

you said okay fine I think he knows in the back of his head that she's right there yeah okay so I'm just doing this and think he knows in the back of his head that she's right there. Yeah, okay. So I'm just doing this. And then I start taking the sides of my boxer briefs.

And I pull them up to the side so they look like undies. So he's got kind of like a... So your balls show and stuff? No balls. Nothing came out. I mean, like, because you create an outline. It's a little tighter. I mean, it's a little tighter. But it's not that bad.

My hog is always going to be visible in any clothing. That's not true. It's not. You're wearing the thickest cut of Levi jeans. Your soft dick is just in the frame. Yeah, it's a good thing that it wasn't visible. It's like a kielbasa from the market. That's not a large sausage.

What are you fucking packing then? A kielbasa is like 13 inches long. It's also called kielbasa. What? It's kielbasa. No. It's not kielbasa. It's kielbasa. Wait, what? That's also called kielbasa what it's kielbasa no it's not kielbasa it's kielbasa wait what that's not true that's how you pronounce it i'm that's like what president would call it was what he thought just until now it's kielbasa it's not kielbasa president would call it a kielbasa you're getting out of it but i want you to know you're wrong

i'm not wrong anyway so i'm started doing this and i'm like amen do you doing this, and then I'm like, Eamon, do you like this, Eamon? And I'm stomping, and I'm being weird. And I'm laughing hard. And Eamon's just laughing really hard, and I'm like, he's in a good mood today. I'm just making my friend laugh, and that makes me feel good. You're not telling him to turn around? I take, well, it's not behind me. I take two steps down the stairs, and all of a sudden,

my vision cone, because it's like a double staircase, and my vision cone now is no longer obstructed to the rest of the entire dining room. And I walk down two stairs, and I see to the end, and she, Cutie's assistant, is just sitting at the table, just like doing work. Looking straight ahead. Just straight ahead.

And I'm like, I was like. She spots a goblin. I was like, oh my God, I am so sorry. And I just run upstairs. you made the flintstone noise yeah he goes upstairs and i just like turn around to her and i'm like i'm sorry like and she's like don't she's like don't worry about it like i grew up with like three brothers this is like totally normal i don't care at all. I go up. I put clothes on. I come down and I just start profusely apologizing. I'm like, that was unacceptable.

And you come down wearing lingerie and you're like, oh my God. Do you still hear? Oh no. This is so embarrassing. I thought you would have laughed. Daniels. Daniels. The same thing happened to me this morning.

Well, when this happened, Anthony was asking me, he's like, dude, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you say anything? It was so fucking dog of you. Because I just kept laughing like a fucking idiot. I was just stone-blocked. Because from my perspective. You could have just said, go back upstairs, go back upstairs. Yeah.

You could have done anything. I know. I know. I thought about it. I was just, I was frozen in a moment of time. Because I couldn't believe, like my first thought was like, I can't, what, dude thought was like i can't what dude she's you couldn't believe that oh you thought i could see her yeah yeah i didn't from my angle because i see anthony fully and he's not at the top of the stairs like he's he's a couple stairs down so i'm like dude he must dude it was right there like he must

see her but he's like going through with the bit this is insane it was like an austin powers movie where they always have like a thing blocking like an obstruction yeah in the foreground right it was like that coincidental and i just couldn't see i'm just frozen in time like i don't i don't want to draw attention to it if she's not looking already but i also don't want to like i'm just like what do i think it's pretty unignorable what What do I say? And then I should have just said, dude, you need to go back upstairs. Like, I should have demanded that you leave. But I think you, I don't wonder how you would have reacted to that. Well, why couldn't you just say, hey, Q's assistant's right here.

Don't come downstairs. I also should have just said that. Again, you could have literally done anything besides sit and just laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. It's your fault he did that. I know. It is my fault. That's right. You should have stopped him.

That poor 10-year-old. If he's going to go, guys, do a goblin vote. And now we're going to start the conflict resolution podcast, guys. Feel free to cast your votes and get involved at home. Make a big write-up on our relationships. Open your Evernotes to talk about my psyche breaking over the next fucking four weeks. I like the idea. If you want to get parasocial, just write a mock-up of the story without any names and then put it on Am I the Asshole?

And then let them, separate from knowing the podcast, make the decision. That'd be good. Except they would narc because they're fucking narc idiots. Because I leaked the Letterboxd account and people were just going to the account and replying and stuff like, LMAO Yard. Yard, nice. I get to be a part of this thing because i watched a video narc fucking loser it's not how you play along the joke just let jokes be you can play along just say you know personally i actually thought that guy was like l yeah that's way better contribute anyway i really also did this well we have a problem we have a problem with this house because I went downstairs and I was wearing like just pajama pants,

no underwear because it's pajama pants, and a shirt. Our house is like the classroom. What? You ever play the flash game in the classroom? Yeah. All the women are the teacher and us trying to cheat on the test

is just being naked in the house. That's true. You know what? Well, I think Cutie established far earlier, far early on that like, same thing as her assistants. Like, I grew up with brothers. Like, everything's okay.

Like, we also never ran around with our dicks and balls out before a girl lived in the house. Well, sometimes we did. Unless it was Dick and Ball Day. If it was Dick and Ball Day, it would. But that was Dick and Ball Day. And that was only three days out of the week. I lived with you guys for Dick and Ball Day. I got aiming literally yesterday. On Dick and Ball Day? On Dick and Ball Day And that was only three days out of the week I got Eamon literally yesterday

On Dick and Ball Day? On Dick and Ball Day Really? He knocked on my door And then just slams it open And then he's at my door Completely naked But tucked

I love that And he's like reaching down to pick up the cat and he's like oops sorry why why does the cat become this vehicle for you just to be weird more that is so fucking funny man oops i dropped my kitty cat yeah that is fucking good were you just at your computer yeah i was just hanging out just some good boss employees yeah it's so good don't hold me back yeah he's in his room so wait did she did you like notice when you were a zoo animal in the glass enclosure that she was there you're like oh shit you like adjusted yourself yeah

I didn't think so the worst part is all I did is I turned my chair so it obstructed the view a bit but I didn't put on a shirt yeah that's way too much effort yeah to do and it was hot and there was only sweatshirts around me and I was like and I was on a call yeah

god if you guys could see anyone who works with Ludwig any hey you the the meeting people that you have meetings with probably not listening you should see how he acts on a meeting bro he's never wearing clothes ever i am usually putting cream cheese on his chest he's fucking weird no i'm not doing that kitchen are you camera on i do no i always say hey no camera on this computer you know i'm on the camera too much dude you do mute up you do mute up and say shit a lot i hate that bit i hate that bit we talk about that before because you do that with like ordering at restaurants but you'll also do it like like in a meeting be like yeah so no i think you should go like go fuck yourself and then we kind of look

over and then you're just like i think it's because you rip it so you rip it so seamlessly like there was that day you were like ordering sushi for us and you were on the phone with the woman going back and forth it's really fast paced and she says that something isn't available and she's and you're like yeah uh i'll fucking kill myself how about the uh how about this instead? But he only muted. There's no gap between when he's saying it. He's just muting and unmuting so fast. You're going to fuck up. I love the mute button. It's a harmless crime.

You're just going to fuck up. It's based on your technical skill, which you are not perfect at. It could fuck up, but it will never be as bad as when you called the real police with your phone number. Yeah, but I didn't try to fucking mute.

Dude, I forgot about that that was no i listened back to that episode recently it was funny yeah you know it's i'm funny dude this okay so so i've thought a lot about like how how far anthony will take things and i've been explaining it to like zipper three a lot recently and i was explaining the proposition that we had talked about where Anthony, you know, Anthony would like fart so long in front of us and I was like, and that would be like progressively more disgusting.

But as like time passes, it's like, it's more funny for you than it is for anybody else. Oh yeah. And we talked about how, would it be funnier if you just came into the room and shit on the floor in front of us? And I was using this to like gauge her a bit

and she was like yeah that would definitely be funnier yeah she's a keeper i think like keeper i think like where that cross why that becomes like funnier is because he is assuming something negative whereas when he just farts like it's all positive for him you're saying it's a selfish act to fart yes but shitting yourself is like yeah you get shit all over yourself and you have to clean it up yeah you have to deal with that but also we get to see it happen and you get to let you get to do it to us you see a fart as like a prank because there's there's no exchange between the pranker and the you have to relieve a nice tension in your body and it's a funny sound and you get to laugh at it i think the difference

no negative repercussions on my amen pill is that i think if if ludwig right now ripped a 14 second fart yeah i would just think that was great i'd like i would love that because i like that's funny all the time it's just funny to me yeah but but like you're but i understand that other people feel that way so it does feel selfish but i want you to know that if you liked it as much as i did it would be i just like going around and like sucking on toes but that's the thing if anyone came and sucked my toes i'm not the same why that is the same that was a great equivalent no it's not an equivalent it was true it was going around sucking your guys's toes when you weren't looking i think it feels kind of funny the first time. I'm not going to lie. It's like, hey, get out of there, motherfucker. What are you doing? Does it have the same, like, parabola that shitting on the floor does? Where, like, the second and third times?

No, because you can't shit on the floor again. It's just funny. No, no, we talked about this. The second and third time, fourth time, it's less and less funny every time. How long? Unless you escalate. But if you come back around to, like, the eighth time, it's, like, pretty funny again. It depends.

You have to escalate a lot with shit like this. So, it's like, if I take a dump on on the floor i talked about it while you guys were doing the advice show that's why this came up i told amen i was like i want to take a dump when you guys are doing that in front of you guys and you just have to react when you're doing like an audio only podcast segment and uh i never did and uh but i think to escalate that you would have to like for instance a top gun right it's just all of us we you know we go and and and you go you guys see me walk up to the front of the theater and you're like what's slime doing and then i fucking drop trow let's make a let's make a treaty a truce of

sorts we are allowed to shit in front of each other as long as the majority thinks it's an escalation from the previous shit anytime it's not an escalation from the previous shit any times it's not an escalation from the previous shit you have to eat your own shit I was gonna say it's a retroactive problem but I think that this is high risk high reward no that's fucked up because you could just say it's not an escalation and it clearly is eat up bro yeah

I don't have to worry about that I would never be dishonorable like that you have to shit from a higher point then I like that objectively objectively elevated which of us can shit from the highest place yeah it's me or you wait what because we're climbing up the wall oh i see i and then we're shit you think that you and i can access the highest place rent a plane we could literally climb to the top of the plane it is funny that the highest places you can think of are places you can climb to it It goes no higher than that.

That's insane. I climb up a V4 and then I shit out the back of it. I think you, is there a skydiving service? Like you grease the guy enough, a couple hundred bucks. Can I poop out of here? Well, there was skydiving porn, so why not? Birds do it. You would have to, what you would have to do is you'd have to be licensed to skydive yourself.

Dude, skydiving scat porn definitely exists. No, no, no. You don't skydive while you poop. You just poop out of the side of the plane. Like you'd have to be licensed to skydive yourself dude skydiving scat porn definitely exists no no you don't sky you don't skydive while you poop you just poop out of the side of the plane like you hold on to the bars dude dude you like uh you like poop when like your friends are all about to go out of the plane and it flies up like a mario party minigame and they're floating down with three balloons if you don't it's like the golden snitch and if you catch the poop before you land you get all the points

dude i'm picturing a video of like like a team of like a hundred skydivers set to like outro by am83 and they're all like flying around trying to catch the shit better game just job with shits and then the game ends when you land. You get to catch Thanos' purple shit. You can get a lot more V-Buck. That would have made Avengers way better. You know what I asked

Nick Allen? I asked him actually I can't talk about that. Hey, can you talk about the new development? Can you break it to the kiddos? The new development? Can you break to the kiddos that the kiddos that dad moved out dad moved out i have i've officially moved out of the home i have a new home where all my shit is yeah hr hr had to have a talk with him after this fucking this whole thing yeah the underwear thing really torpedoed my career we had to kick you out day one yeah has it been everything that you've dreamed of so far

i think i need a couch which i always hated having i have i think i have wait why do you hate having a couch i have commitment issues and when i have a couch it's like i'm responsible for the couch and i gotta like find a place to put the couch you know it's not a pet right no but it's big it's big and you can't move it yourself to You have to water it every day. Bro, you were looking into buying a fucking LED wall arcade cabinet for $17,000. Less of a commitment. And that is less of a commitment than a couch to you? It's not about the commitment for that. It's about I would feel safe at night when it's on.

Would it fit into your door? No, not at all. Also, beds are big. I don't like having beds, you dumb piece of shit. I have your old bed. I sleep on your old bed. Are you going to buy a bed? You have come on that bed more than any other bed in your life.

No. No way that's true. Weird that you, because you wanted to end the sentence, but that's a weird way to end it. I just did it wrong. Not true. But what I'm saying is I only have that bed because you got rid of yours. Because I used to sleep on a futon mattress, which was easy to move. Are you going to buy a bed? No, I have a bed no i have a bed oh it's the same bed so you're

gonna get a couch what i'm saying is like yeah it's nice though i feel like having a my own place is cool what about your only child you know my bed's for your guest rooms yeah i have a mattress in case like the gang in case gang wants to stay over is it gonna be like a nice home yeah you should see it. With like a house? Like, no. I mean, like not the house itself. They come over one time.

Are you going to like fill it? Yeah, he's getting it decked. Zipper 2 is helping out. I'm going to fill it up. I'm going to fill it up. I'm going to fill it up. You're going to fill it up with all you got? Like two cups.

Just a slight roast on Anthony real quick. He sent us a photo and he was like, I don't want to, I won't say that much. So he sent us a photo because he's making a music room in his house yeah and he's like music rooms like uh like i think he said 90 done 50 no way he said i want to look at it i want to check even if he said 50 i think it's funny it's funny because it's just let's just say 50 guys i think it's funny so uh uh he's like 50 done and it's just a picture of a room with a carpet and a drum set that's like not really assembled yeah it's not it's not and there's like not anything else in the room but i think i think he wasn't kidding no halfway there to me that's huge that rug was expensive

i'm like bro we could we could put stuff on the wall we could try soundproof it why did you leave your kids and you don't love them anymore? I think that it's... What was I going to say? Well, because the idea is that we all eventually have to split up eventually, right? Yeah. Eventually. Sure.

No. No. Eventually. I lived with Ludwig a thousand years. We die together. You know what, Ludwig? It's friends, but it never ends. I live with you forever, man.

A thousand. You're not going to live with me forever. We'll move to Japan. In six months, you're going to be like, Belgium. We'll move to Japan. We'll be... We'll be American gin deaths. I discovered that I can get a visa within 36 months if I just get a master's in jerking my dick.

I just got it. Holy shit. Aiden is Hobby Lobby, but for life life decisions related to like other statehoods. Yeah, yeah, he hates abortion. Yeah, you get really into like a video, like, so we have friends that get really into video games for like three weeks and then they just drop it, right? But it's all I think about. You did the same thing for like Swedish citizenship.

It was all you were about. It is different. How? It is different because we started a podcast, dude. No, you're Hobby Lobby. No. You're Hobby Lobby. I don't want to be that.

How much of your balls still want to go somewhere? A hundred percent. All of them. All of my balls. All three of my balls. And you're still thinking Sweden? Yeah. You want to live in Sweden?

You want to die in Sweden? I'm still between the same two places. Where do you want to die? Sweden and the UK. You want to die in the UK? Yeah, I wouldn't. You want to die in the UK? Yeah, I wouldn't. You want to die with a... Great.

In an NHS-funded hospital? As long as Boris doesn't fuck it up. With a meat pie in your pocket? With a meat pie. With a crushed up meat pie. And a fucking fried fucking tomato and beans on my chest. Good way to go. And when you became a citizen,

they just took a hammer to your teeth. So they took care of that pretty fast. Yeah, so I'm all fucked up in the mouth, but I'm a proud Brit. That's right. And we're not going to give those things in the museum back ever. What, the Nazi gold?

Yeah, none of that. No, not the Nazi gold. No, like the treasured things from like african nations oh egypt that they like pilfered and stole because we earned them decolonized it by earning it and yeah that's right but i'm practicing oh you're good yeah uh yeah i don't know i think i could live in a closet with eight of my friends and i could also live alone what i am where's that first one though that's you're talking about the dwarfs. No,

I mean like we all could live in the closet together if we fit. Just like one closet? Sleeping. Back to back. But I also could live alone. So I feel good. I feel the thing is that we're all scared about. We're all scared about Ludwin Anders because we're scared.

Well, that he'll never come back. What? Dude, we had a Slack conversation and a discord conversation last night and it was like it was fun it was like a puzzle trying to figure out what he's trying to figure out what ludwig was saying in text and i was like i need to accept how this is going to be i was trying to message you you got mad at me because i didn't reply within five hours on a sunday i think we're having different conversations i thought no I thought you were talking about

the part where we couldn't understand him. That's also part of it. I got to teach Ludwig what threads are in Slack last night, though. So that's a breakthrough. Threads are pog. You know what I was doing? It was my Sunday. I went climbing. You can clap over there. I came back. I had a nice full tummy because I ate

Tatsu ramen. And then I was playing Valorant because Tarek asked me to play off a gummy because it was my Sunday off a bean and then and then Slime's like

work time it's time to work again time to work I asked him you gotta reply in word I asked him when we were podding and then I hopped in

off a gummy trying to convey my thoughts why is this my problem that you're gummied up because it's a Sunday it's a Sunday let me can't he do drugs that you're gummied up? Because it's a Sunday. It's a Sunday. Can't he do drugs in peace? Why can't I do drugs on a Sunday?

How come he can't do drugs anymore? I can't. God damn it. What day do I get? Every time you drop a gummy, how about you just send an alarm emoji to the group chat? Just give me one day. How about this? Give me one day where I don't have to deal with anything.

I'm going back into the G-hole. We needed to schedule the yard. That's why I was upset. You give me Sundays. Sundays are my new day. God's day. You want God's day? I want God's day.

All right, we don't get to ask a lot of questions on Sunday. I actually like that. But it means if he doesn't reply on a day that's not Sunday, he's in trouble. I will reply within three hours on a day that's not Sunday. That's such a huge answer. I was assuming streaming. I was assuming streaming. Okay, I will reply within an hour unless I'm streaming on any day that's not a huge I was assuming streaming I was assuming streaming Okay I will reply within an hour

Unless I'm streaming On any day It's not a Sunday An hour? That's great I'll reply within an hour On any day It's not a Sunday

And if you ever ask me A question on a Sunday I won't talk to you For the rest of the week Alright I'm down with that This is good And

I get to slap you As hard as I can Wait but we need No What are you adding on for? And also You have to give me $ dollars oh yeah dude fucking aiden tops me well before that if any of you fuck up yeah yeah no you're right so i makes me top you

get him sorry aiden i had to ask him so how about you slap Aiden? Yeah. That's not... We don't need to... You slap Aiden and then he sucks you down. I need a fucking lawyer, dude. That's what I need. I weirded Aiden out this week super bad. This is different from the other thing. This is different than when he was outside of my door

talking his cock. This is a different... What's funny is all that's normal. Aiden can deal with it. But I came into his room and I had this proposition dude are we allowed to talk about this i didn't think you'd let me talk about this we can talk like lightly talk about the general proposition you're such a fucking psycho you're such a fucking psycho dude what's going on no i don't think you know about it i did the right thing no you're wrong okay so this is an update the fans are gonna hate it

this is an update to the gambling guy so the gambling guy and I have been working together. There's a final update after this. But I had a revelation and I came to Aiden to pitch him my idea. Now, the gambling guy's been telling me he's like, it's a fucking great week to gamble, baby. Not how we talked. And they heard him talk and he doesn't have an accent. Oh, yeah.

Sorry. He was like, ah, great week to gamble. What do we? Ready. Yeah. And he was like, you need to come to gamble, Ludwig. I'm ready. Yeah. And he was like, you need to come to Vegas because they have uncapped bets in Vegas and you need to come here and bring a lot of money.

And I was like, I don't want to go to Vegas. So I had an idea and I pitched it to Aiden. Take it away, European boy. So he knocks on my door. He's not naked this time. He actually has clothes on, which is cool. He does have the cat. Don't know if he's off a gummy. Cat's off a gummy. I'm not. He's not naked this time. He actually has clothes on, which is cool. He does have the cat. Don't know if he's off a gummy.

Cat's off a gummy. I'm not. Cat's off a gummy, obviously. Cat could be off a gummy because he's been feeding the cat a lot of gummies to condition it to like him. That's what you don't know on YouTube. And to make it what he calls dumb cat, which we don't understand yet. Oh, don't get tiny cat. Yeah.

No, I get it now. Yeah, that makes sense. The cat's eyes are really red. It doesn't seem good. Yeah. no i get it now yeah that makes sense the cat's eyes are really red it doesn't seem good uh yeah and he's like uh he's speaking in his fucking ludwig youtube voice while he's having this personal interaction with me so already i think he's just fucking what's the voice slime i honestly just think he's you my impression is that you're bored and you just want to come into my room and fuck around that's the vibe you're giving off. And he slowly pitches me this idea of giving me 100K.

He's like, you could be my mule. You could mule it for me. You could mule 100K in cash to Vegas for me to make bets with our guy in Vegas. And then he will, of course, quickly double that up to 200k we we won't lose I trust this guy and then I will give you the 100k to put on a down payment for a house and I am not quite understanding because Ludwig is basically asking me to go bet his money to give me all the winnings and this seems like a joke this is no fucking brainer this guy's actually brain dead my idea was simple i wanted to give my friend money to buy a house let me by the way let me let me just jump in because we're doing that together

yes we're buying it together yes so so i am also uh you have a dog in this i forgot about this he starts this conversation he comes in he's he's loving youtube voice because it comes in amen amen you're broke you're broke you have no money we talk about it all the time we talk about how fucking broke you are and it's a problem you're trying to buy a house and you don't have any money to buy the house with. Zipper 2's got money. Nick's got money. He was talking about it.

You never have any money. You're a broke bitch. Yeah, yeah. So what if? And then he explained it and then it was bar for bar. Because we've had this conversation aside with ourselves.

We talk about it a lot. All the time. And then launches into the idea and I'm like, well, I don't think me and Nick are in a similar financial situation. I was like, no, no, no. No, no. Nick said he has he has the money he at least has a job i've seen your financials we're not

nobody's like you why are you so broke you fucking idiot what do you mean i'm not broke i'm literally not you well it sounds like you got no shit i think check net worth check i think you got more in balenciaga than savings you got more in balenciaga You got more in Balenciaga than in savings You got more in Balenciaga than in savings Come on dude You said come on but you didn't say it's not true It is not true For all the memes I own two Balenciaga items that I've actually bought

And one was because I lost the coin flip to Nick Let's say crypto goes to zero He's in a bad spot That's what your assets are tied up in the cloud yes no it's because it's cloud it's inflation is inflation is high and crypto crypto can't people are gonna use it and in ecuador in el salvador they buy beers with it now so it's fine and there's a broken atm in the gas station naturally yeah the liquor store has a bitcoin logo out front of it now so i think i'm fucking naturally i hear about it through aiden i wasn't there why are you so mad and uh and i uh i i think

about it this way it's like all right ludwig's rich right if ludwig loses 100k that fuck it sucks it's a bad feeling. But he's fine. He's doing good. If he creates 100K, he gets to keep his initial investment. He gets to do a pog thing. We get to talk about it on the yard. It's a whole thing.

Maybe we take some fucking pictures. Is it funny? The arm. And we get a fucking come up, and that's fucking cool. I like that. And I'm not even asking for it. He's offering it. So it's a no-brainer yes for me.

He feels guilty and stupid what the fuck is what's wrong why are you mad it's an ethical conundrum why is it ethical he wants to give you money the conundrum okay so this is the thing remove the fact that this is an insane thing to offer anyone to give that much of your money away this is an insane thing but that being said if you if you were so inclined to just give me money for a down payment and that's what you wanted to do with your money and that's in line with your goals and your generosity and all these good fucking things you do then uh true i always give i i think i would be more okay with that but because we're gambling i specifically i'm the opposite i specifically asked him no no no no let me finish

i specifically asked i said if this wasn't for me if this wasn't for me would you be gambling with the same amount of money and he said no he would be gambling less he would be putting like 30k down instead of 100k and i'm not comfortable having him make that risk because of me hey me and you man we're the same we're the same you are right you're but i also thought in my head it is worse to just receive a hundred thousand dollars because then you're like i don't yeah because then he loses a hundred thousand dollars which i would want that i'll say you would in my dream world i was like this is easy i just give you 100k then Then you go. You give it to the guy. The guy flips it to 200K.

I get my 100K. You get 100K. You're still losing 100K. You're giving me 100K. No, he's breaking even. I mean, because he's saying already that the money he earns on top of this goes to you. And that makes him feel good. That's why he does nice things.

Now, this 100K, by the way, was the 100K from poker. And I was sitting on it for a while because I never cashed the check and then this is like i was like oh maybe i can do this with it today i cashed the check i closed the door you mean you put it in the bank it's in the bank account yeah yeah uh-huh it's not a check it's literally cash you shouldn't say cash the check you just put it in the bank account what is it's not a check it's cashed it's just 100 racks i know i cashed it out and then i gave her all the money back i gave her 100k i asked her to cash it i gave it to her i said put it in the account yeah it was a real it was a long i was there for 45 minutes was it really yeah and uh and so i put it back in so the door is closed but that was my genius idea that you hated why don't you i can't

believe the door's closed why don't you like gambling what i why are you trying to tell this man what to do with his body to my explained my discomfort. I explained my discomfort. One, because there's a life in that tummy. And it deserves to fucking... Fuck you. And it deserves to see the light of day. You do look pregnant all the time. It could become a doctor.

An astronaut. We don't know. I think you spit a lot of facts about what your concerns were and how you didn't want me to gamble in the future of your children last night i'm playing valorant with tarik what did you just off a gummy and i get a call i ignore it because i'm in a round and i care about my teammates the person who calls me calls back i notice it's the gambling guy i'm like okay nothing nothing can be that pretty it's my ringtone form nothing can be that pressing so i'm like okay nothing nothing can be that it's my ringtone form nothing can be that pressing so i'm like i ignore it again finally calls a third time around end so i answer it all right and and

like and like i'm kind of listening to him and he's like a lot of money you got to do now girl she's crying i'm like what the and i'm like i'm like i don't know any of the context and so i i i'm panicking i ult my teammates with rays do like 52 like two of them i feel bad yeah i have no headphones on and then uh and then and finally i'm like i have to call you after this he's like all right but you have to call me after this the game ends he calls me before i can even call him back and it's like what the fuck does this guy he's like he's being really pushy and he's like but wait we have a crazy thing how much crypto do you have and i'm like i'm like i don't you're gonna lose all your

money okay think about whatever amount of like how much you thought he sounded like a snake oil salesman the first time just triple it like this conversation that's exciting it's gone from the first time when we talked to him where it was like this guy almost sounds legit to ludwig is getting scammed in real time right now like that's how i felt listening to this conversation so like and i'm still up like 10k like it's gone down i think from the initial how up how much i was up on the last podcast but but i was like like i like i've made enough that i'm like okay and so he's like and then he tells me this story and he's like,

there is a tennis tournament, a tennis tournament going on. It's the French open. Uh, and, and there's this tennis player in, in word on the street. It's a fix word on the street in the gambling corners is that one of the

players, it just went through a breakup last night. This is the Intel that sports bettors do use. She got broken up with last night. She's crying. All she wants to do is go home. She's not there to play. She just wants to lose because she's so sad.

She's not in it at all. And she's a favorite to win by three. And she's going to throw. And he's like, this is the match of the year. So this is women's tennis. This is women's tennis. Okay. Yes.

Okay, got it. And he's like, how much crypto you got? And I'm like, 50K. It was so funny because he said, how much do you have in Bitcoin right now? And Ludwig was like, none. Like, you have all of it. And he's like, kind of stumbling now. And then Ludwig's like, I have 50K in Ethereum.

And the guy's like, why didn't you say that because he has about bitcoin yeah because he had so anyway he's like this is the bet of the year you send me that it triples up it triples up he texts me just an address to send ethereum oh that is it you do it i did it of course you did it what are you gonna do are you to sit there on your deathbed thinking I shouldn't have sent that guy 50 grand in Ethereum? What does it say, Matt? Wait, because the match,

this is important, the match was at 6am this morning. Apparently, she was meant to intentionally throw this match. That was the intel? Yeah, that was the intel. Now, I wake up at 6am and I'm looking. That was the intel? Yeah, that was the intel. Now I wake up at 6am and I'm looking. To sweat the game? To find out what

happened and I get a text and I'm like, what's up? And he's like, they switched her game from today to the 25th, which is the Wednesday that you guys are listening to this audio listeners and the day after for video watchers.

And I'm like, can we pull the bet bet because that's like a few days later like yeah it should be no she's gonna move on like is it she's gonna like and he's like no we already made the bet so so i think i think i'm fucked it's a sweat she's there for 48 more hours she might just like emotionally be like you know what no fuck this guy yeah she might walk it off she's there for 48 more hours, she might just like emotionally be like, you know what? Fuck this guy. Yeah, she might walk it off. She's going to use the aiming method. She's going to process her grief. Yeah. She's going to process it. Well, no one has the aiming method.

Dude, she's going to power up. I think she's going to power up. I think she's going to win the whole fucking tournament. She's going to come out. Josiah's going to be playing in her head. She might use a gun on the other girl. It might be over. Wait, wait, wait.

Is she a dog or a favorite? She was a huge favorite to win. We're betting against her. You're so fucked. Her name's Maria Sakari. You're so fucked. I have hope. Her name's Maria Sakari, and her boyfriend was like a grandchild of one of the-

That's the girl from Sonic. One of the leaders of Greece, because she's Greek. Shadow wants to fuck this tennis player. Oh, that Maria. Yes, that is it. Oh, thank you for bringing her up. So that's the match. That's what her boyfriend tennis player. Oh, that Maria. Yes, that is it. Thank you for bringing her up. What does her boyfriend look like? That's the match. He's literally like

what's the person who leads a country that's not a president, but they go to... Prime minister? Yes. He was the PM. It's the grandchild of one of the PMs of Greece. So he's in like a rich family. His name is Constantinio. Dude, he looks like a CSGO player. He broke up with her.

The son of the Greek prime minister? Yes. So anyway, this is the situation I'm in. By the time this comes out, the results will be in the sand, and I will have $150K or $0, and I will never gamble again either way. Really? Yes. Why?

I'm out of the sports betting game. Oh, but you said gambling. Oh, yeah, obviously not that. Really? Yes. Why? I'm out of the sports betting game. Oh, but you said gambling. Oh, yeah. Obviously not that. I would have did it. Insane. I've literally thought four times this week

about opening up a stake.com account. You know what's funny? Look, Ludwig, here's what you do. Amen. Sorry. So when Ludwig came to me

and he was like, hey, you should be in the poker game. And I was like, are you sure? He's like, yeah. And I was like, why? He's like, I think you would be someone who would enjoy it a lot and i think you would have a lot of fun and he's like okay and he said to me i was laying on my floor

and he comes and he's like this is like the next day and he's like hey uh you can just keep all the money that like you win like the 100k is yours. Like whatever. If you keep it, if you gamble with it or whatever. And I was like, I looked up on it. I was like, no. I was like, no, that's not, that's your money.

He's like, okay, 50-50. I'm like, okay, 50-50. So he was gonna just let me let it ride. That's just different though. But there's this idea that like, I think the way- Well, it's the same because I told him he could keep the winnings

after 100K. It's like the same thing. Because he staked him. No, no, no. I mean, it's the same because I told him he could keep the winnings after 100K. It's like the same thing because he staked him. No, no, no. I mean, it's different because the games are different. I don't know. I'm just mulling

100K for you to sports bet. It's poker. I would be more... You're saying because of skill game? I would be more down for you to give me 100K to play poker. Oh my God, I would not.

And sit tight and play Ace King. You don't know how sad Maria is right now. She's so sad. Yeah, you're a piece of shit. Yeah, Maria's not going to be that sad in 48 hours when she fucking kicks ass in round one.

Anyone in France and wants to make her day worse or something? Yeah. I don't know. Anyone wants to be really mean to this person? I feel like a breakup makes me play better. It depends on who you are. I feel like I refuse to take another L. No, not for not for her right but for me for you i don't want to get another l yeah well some people power up and some people like you know can't eat for three days

some people become like the best melee player in their region immediately after and some people like completely flounder for like three yeah or it's just like they get sad and then they get over it that's the hard that's the hard thing to do but so what i'm saying let me wrap this up is that well me and ludwig i i think we are very similar and also nick in the way like we're very risk uh what's the word not adverse not adverse oh inverse like yeah we have inverted penises and it's like a little it's like a little and when we jump up and down they make slide whistle noises yeah and if we press it it pops up and you see how high it goes yeah like a push pop and the teacher has to confiscate it and uh it's this idea that like to ludwig and to me and like putting up 100k and like for your friend to like have a good time and maybe like double it is really fun and i think to you you see it as like a this fucking oh whoa

like you have the poker spreadsheet right like that's you're you're a poker spreadsheet guy and me and him are like fuck it we ball kind of guys and that is why you're having it offered i've said goodbye to the money yeah and that's why you have an aversion to that because you see it as like this thing that's like oh i can't do this but like for for ludwig i'm like oh he's just gambling, baby. I know that game. This is the final bet. I think I would have been down or I would have said yes if it was the same amount of money that you're willing to gamble for your own intentions. I think it makes sense, too. I just think that...

I don't like the idea of him losing more money because of me. Dude, he employs you. That's a loss already. You wake wake up at 11 yeah and i'm burning it you know you're making our side weaker i'm sticking it i'm sticking it to the man that's different that's a political statement right don't do it 100k of your own money to really stick it i'm gonna unionize and he goes and he actually wins 200k that'd be hype that'd be actually really yeah do that do that

do it do it do it do it do it oh wait you can't you're broke I was in the bank

out fucking little ass pussy ass little broke ass because you're broke as shit because you're always asking me to buy you

Taco Bell and it's like fuck you come on man can you get me some fourth meal bro please I'm not gonna get you

a crunch wrap it's been the seventh crunch wrap bro I got you next time the crunch wrap's not even that much dude I went to Taco Bell when I came back from New York cause I like to Crunchwrap. Tell me a little. It's been the seventh Crunchwrap. Bro, I got you next time. The Crunchwrap's not even that much. Dude, I went to Taco Bell when I came back from New York because I like to have celebratory Baja Blast.

I don't drink soda a lot. I do that with Rupert, yeah. And I went out of Baja Blast. And I was like, we used to be a real country. Yeah. You know? It's fucked up. I mean, it's not as fucked up as when they door dashed me.

You hear about that? What? I was there with you. Oh, yeah there me you josh wait what yeah we went through the drive-thru we wanted to get some taco bell we wanted to drive in in order drive through the drive-thru like you do and we go to the drive-thru and they go door dash only they didn't say like what like yeah we're only accepting door dash orders at the moment and so and so we had to park the opposite i at the moment. Whoa. And so we had to park. Why is it not the opposite?

I don't know. I don't know. So we had to park, go on the DoorDash app, and then become our own DoorDash driver. That was weird. Really, really funny. It was really backwards. Wait, what did you do about the driver? We scheduled it for pickup.

Oh, I see. And then we picked it up. It was like contactless drive-thru, but it was forced. It doesn't make sense. That is really dumb. Oh, maybe the payment systems are just down or something like that maybe i would love that as an excuse but they didn't tell us y'all take venmo you just venmo with the guy there dude i gotta stop using venmo for some tacos dude why outside the climbing gym there was like a fruit stand and i i bought the fruit the rainbow umbrella and i i was with uh i did a thing

and they don't even have venmo they're like nah it was hot and i was like i'll pay for it and but i keep forgetting my venmo's pussy slayer 69 yeah which is like like you know everyone's like they're all like oh so i gave her 100 bucks for like the like the 20 fruit because like i felt bad you felt bad did you have to subject her to the word pussy slayer yes why don't you do that to every viewer that we have to fucking say that to say pussy too because i am not getting something from them they're getting something from me what about a click damn don't care that's that's real you only ever spoke realness actually exchange made this is a market-based economy sir i've become a slime believer what are you talking about there's a surprise for you wait i'm a little

surprised i'm sorry i what what time are we at right now an hour you have to pee dude i need to pee so bad it's bottle time you fucking made this you made this problem it's bottle time there's no bottles you can pee in these i have three i have three cans you can pee in. If you want to go into these three cans. You'll have to use the cans. It might cut your teeth. No, no, no. Why can't I pee normal? I mean, honestly.

Because you should have prepared. You should have prepared. How about this? I did. I went pee before. Let's do this like adults. Let's do this like adults. RPS me.

If you lose, you have to pee up here. If you win, you can go down. Best of three. Ready? Come on. Wait. Rock, paper, scissors. What the? That's what I was going to could have i could have invented this yeah this is this is west coast it's west we do live

in the west we live on the west coast from the east coast we live in the west okay oh let's think of a rule house rules oh oh oh just agree on something west we're not doing west coast we're doing it on shoot we're doing it on shoot fucking ro paper, scissors, shoot Fucking Rochambeau If you guys don't know West Coast They do Rochambeau I don't even know what that is It's a special word Oh it's a slur On three or shoot

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot Rock, paper, scissors, shoot Rock, paper, scissors, shoot Tight up Rock, paper, scissors, shoot Oh Bang Ludwig takes down

Hey man In the best of three He's gonna pee so bad And he's gonna have to pee Into three separate cans No I have to pee into three separate cans. I drink out of this daily. I drink out of this daily. You have to use the cans.

Don't cut your tip. That's what he said. He showed you the cans when you're not looking. Zipper has some things. Zipper has some things. Wait, what's the movie where he cuts his

cuts on the can? And he's peeing in the back seat? I want to say Step Brothers. No, I don't know. It's not Step Brothers. I cut my dick. What movie is that? Is it Dumb and D can. And he's peeing in the back seat. I want to say Step Brothers. No, I don't know. It's not Step Brothers. What movie is that? Is it Dumb and Dumber?

And he puts it in. Oh, it is Dumb and Dumber, isn't it? Is it? Yeah, it's Dumb and Dumber. You're right. It's been a while since I've seen it. Do you have something over there? Dude, does Eamon wear skinny jeans?

Cook him up, sisters. Yo, get his ass, boys and girls. Let him up in the comments. It couldn't be me. Those are extremely skinny he didn't get the memo he has skinny legs no you know what i thought about this recently i want to fight back tell him i won't let him take you're fighting it back against the skinny i won't let him take it away shorts huh you're wearing shorts yeah well i'm not fighting back currently

yeah you gave up he's complaining to zipper right now he's like i got a job to do it's whining and kvetching oh Oh, there's a bottle he found. Zipper, Zipper. What if he fills it? Can you pull up the thing I sent you in a second when I cue you? Okay, so. They're not supposed to fit inside of it. His dick's not that big.

He's holding like a Starbucks cup. He's trying to fit his dick inside a water bottle and then start peeing. Yeah, and it's a vacuum. Rather than pee into it. It's a vacuum situation. Just put it up to the hole, bro. Have you never done this? He's trying to... Are you the fucking queen of England?

Just get it done. I peed every damn road trip to New Jersey. Uh-oh. Did you spill? The top's not too small for piss. Fit the tip of your penis into the bottle. No, you just pull back your skin. Then you're the same.

No. I said it sprays everywhere. You you're the same No You're pulling too hard It's not a garden hose It is a little bit Oh, you're going down? Wait, did you pee on the floor? How much pee did you get on the floor, Aiden? What'd you do? He's putting down the other

I'm letting Aiden have his own adventure Anything he does is fair game You are a fucking mess There's pee everywhere What'd you do? He's putting down the other... I'm letting Eamon have his own adventure. Anything he does is fair game. You are a fucking mess. There's pee everywhere. It's crazy. He's a little pee boy. You could have held it, or you could have gone earlier,

and this is what you do. Or you could have gone paper. I didn't go earlier! Well, then what did you drink so much for? You could have just gone paper, and then this wouldn't have happened. You could have gone paper, and then you win.

You shouldn't have gone scissors. Hey, man, you can just go use the toilet. No worries, man. Yeah, I actually don't mind. Yeah, not a big deal. So anyway, Slime, here's my treat for you. Give me my treat now.

I've been giving you a lot of shit for calling Riot a cabal terrorist organization. That's right. And how you're a threat and a liability to my life. Yes. And how you need to stop being a nuisance

because the words you're saying are going to hurt me that's right and it's lucky that i got injured and i can't stream and sit down but arguably you might have helped me what i got linked something that came out in the game team fight tactics riots auto chess game that came out yesterday zipper show them it's a new item called mogul's mail in homage to my channel mogul mail wait what did they tell you about the game i have i had no clue about this i just saw it it could be total coincidence no way but i feel like a dev somewhere in there yeah yeah dude that's tight they stole from you no no they stole from you lud You're going to make this a bad thing? Oh, yeah, he's right.

They took your... Wait, really? I guess tight. Do you get royalties for that? I never thought... Yeah, they stole from me. Mogul's mail. Wait.

What should they give me, slime? He's slime-pilled. What do they give me? They should give you royalties. Loyalties. Or a contract. I want loyalty. Gain two gold.

You should gain two gold. I realize. It's a stupid-ass little starting item, too. I want two gold 50 times. This is a new item? This is a new item, yeah. Whoa. Uh-huh. And it's Mog stupid ass little starting item too i want to go 50 times this is a new item this is a new item yeah wow uh-huh and it's mogul's mail how do you feel about it i think it's kind of cool do you think that you're cool with riot because of that that they said this is the way of saying hey we know your roommate's schizophrenic but you're cool yeah and right back at you that sexist thing was kind of weird but we're all cool too right for all women

hey dude dude uh i uh so i've been what i you know how artosis it was like how i learned how to like streamers right adam ragusea is how i learned how to like you so adam ragusea pilled i who is this cooking youtuber he cooks he's a cooking youtuber who started to make in georgia he was a journalism teacher ah your dick looks so funny i forget what they look like it looks so weird it looks like a mosquito it looks like an armadillo it looks like an elephant dude it looks like a megaman boss it's a normal penis small it looks so funny looking. I'll be tiny, but normal.

It looks like a children's airplane that melted in the sun. It looks like there's gold ones I could find. That's weird. You got weird dick. No, it's fine. How was it, sweetheart? It's because the balls were pushed up to the side

like Mickey Mouse. It was just one ball. No, it looked like a hot dog. No, it's fine. How was it, sweetheart? It's because the balls were pushed up to the side like Mickey Mouse. Yeah, it was just one ball. No, it looked like a hot dog. No, it was both balls. It was one ball and his balls were the tip. Were both balls pushed up to the side? Or one ball? It was one ball on the left and then it was his tip hanging out.

Yeah, one ball was pushed up to the side. You don't know anything about penises, idiot. Did I mistake your ball sack for your penis? I think you literally looked at his uncircumcised penis and thought that was balls. That's funny. Because it's smooth. Yeah. They look so weird. Yeah. No, it's normal. Nah. Most of the world has our penis. Who?

Most of the world. All of the guys. All the men in all the countries. Name one famous person with an uncircumcised penis now. Justin Bieber. Seth Rogen. Justin Bieber, you're betting that he's uncircumcised. No, his penis is probably...

We've talked about this already. We've had this conversation on the pod already. What was the verdict? Paparazzi have snapped him naked before. And he's got skin? Yeah, he's uncircumcised. That's crazy, you're wrong. Anyway, Adam Ragusea.

Cristiano Ronaldo. He's probably uncircumcised Adam Ragusea probably circumcised He's definitely circumcised But I feel like he would have the mantra That you shouldn't be circumcised Because he would know that it's from the Jewish tradition And that we don't need that cleanliness anymore

Michael Fassbender because I just watched the movie Shame And you see his penis a lot in it I've been watching his videos I don't even cook I don't even like food i don't even like food yeah actually that is true like food and he just the way he like explains things and the way he's like has this like very measured and like professional and like warm presence about like things and knowledge and science flyman's learning he likes asmr he no he no no what he likes is he likes literal news like sections like this is a two minute news cut yeah because because we we found out because we

were talking about him and you're like yeah it's weird he like his because he'll do like a thing on like why vegetable oil is like a problem or some shit like that and blood was like he used these like journalistic like b-roll cuts it It's really interesting. And I'm like, oh, that is interesting. I looked it up. He was a professor of journalism. And I was like, well, that's Ludwig knows his own despite being unable to read most of the time, which is interesting. Not an important factor of journalists, idiot. That I feel like it is.

Don't read. You also think it's about the plane. So you also can't write. You also can't read. You also think it's about the plane. So who cares about your plane? You also can't write. You also can't write. Me and Nick had to sit and do a think tank on what you were saying last night. Maybe if he had an F-18, it'd be better. We literally had to brainstorm.

I'm not even kidding. The Slack conversation was like, no, no, no. It was in the thread. Oh, I think what he means is this. It's about the writing, not the reading. You're like dissecting what you meant while you're in the conversation because you're unable i was high i did my day off but i will say i don't think that never contact me on god's day anyway uh yeah and so and yeah he's just like he i do like news content but yes it's not like cooking when

he does cooking he like explains things really well and And he's like, God, he's just goading. He's fucking goading. And I get it. And so, fuck the news. I like Adam. And I get it. So when people are like, oh, I'll watch Ludwig all the time. I'll watch Ludwig do anything. I'll watch Ludwig do this.

Oh, I'll watch The Yard all the time. I'll watch whatever The Yard says. I want to just be a part of that. We're Adam Ragusea to those people. Yes. But you know what the other thing is? Is that audience turnover is much higher than people recognize

in the 300,000 people who will watch The Yard this year. 50% of them will be gone next year and we'll have a new 50% and you will not be watching Adam Ragusea

and you'll have to find a new Adam Ragusea. I think that might be true but maybe not because I like his videos so much that I get excited when they come around and I don't think

that'll change because I'm learning something every time. Right now, Yard members, remember this conversation that 50% of you who will remain and in a year from now when we do episode 30... 74... What are we on now?

We're on 40... 9... Last week you said 55. 6. I didn't finish my sentence. Thank you. 46. Pussy. When we are on episode 98, remind us, does he still watch Adam Ragusea yeah yeah he checked me on that also do you think that's a scary thing

you'll have a really good reason for why you don't and it won't matter do I have a scary thing you'll be like no I don't because he started doing this and I think that's bad so I stopped watching I've never seen Adam I've never seen Adam maybe because you refuse to watch binging with Babbage because he says saucepin

and that was fucking stupid of him to say and I remember this I was literally putting shit away Because you refused to watch Binging with Babish because he says saucepin. And that was fucking stupid of him to say. And I remembered this. I was literally putting shit away in my house. My new place. And I'm like, I like Adam Ragusea, but that one guy said saucepin. And that's fucking stupid. I had this thought in my head recently. I was watching a bunch of cooking shit start a COVID

and I was watching Binging with Babish. Binging with Babish. Why did he say saucepin? And then you went on a fucking rant i was so mad dude all these fucking youtube they need like these quirky xd things they have to like chime in and like throw in their conversations no i thought he was doing it unironically i think he was doing it the problem is we don't know you stupid fuck but either way does it matter yes to an end because if he's saying saucepin and he thinks that's how it's supposed to be said saucepan by the way that's fucking weird guys that's weird content's still good but if he's saying saucepan And he thinks that's how it's supposed to be said Saucepan by the way That's fucking weird guys

That's weird His content's still good But if he's doing it ironically Because he says stuff goofy sometimes That's me You still listen to Michael Jackson And he did it to them kids Why can't you watch Binging with Babish

Because he said saucepan once Because PYT is a masterpiece Okay Okay so if Binging with Babish Comes out with a masterpiece Then he's okay He's allowed to say saucepan Yeah He literally did it to them kids But he Babbage Comes out with a masterpiece Then he's okay He's allowed to say Saucepan Yeah

He literally did it To the kids But he needs to come out With the masterpiece Separate the artist From the way they say Saucepan Thriller

Thriller Yeah he did do that Yeah Dude when Thriller came out People were like Talking about it The next day in the streets That's why

Before the internet That's what I'm saying They're all doing The fun dance Either way Yeah I'm Adam Ragusea build. Yeah. I understand content creators now.

It always takes me being in the position to fully understand something. I'm very kinetic like that, which is unfortunate because some things I'll never have access to understanding completely. I had a content idea. You want to hear my content idea? Ooh, million dollar? What are you looking at? Like half a mil.

Okay. So, you know, like those, those like gold digger videos where like someone like hits on a girl and then they're like no i don't want you and they're like oh okay and they get in their lamborghini and she's like wait is that your car so we make one of those uh except instead of the lamborghini the guy just starts like rolling around and like slop and like filth and mud but all the same stuff happens wait and she's still like she's like oh wait that's your like wait wait is that like your like puddle of garbage and he's like yeah what does that matter whatever well can i roll around in your puddle of garbage he's like no and then it's like a whole

thing it's all the same except what what is the lamborghini of this or like the pile of filth what is removing the lamborghini like what is his like what is the everyday man not of filth. What is removing the Lamborghini? What is the everyday man not having filth? Are those losers? Losers are people who don't roll around in mud and filth that they own. He does. We could do it. We could do that. I visualize it very well, which means

it's a good idea. I'm picturing a Honda Civic next to a dumpster. He walks past the Lamborghini. To a puddle and she's turned on she's swooning and she's like wow yeah i love i love uh like tiktoks that try to um i think we talked about it before but touch every single language speaker and so it's like it's like the ferrari one but with no words. Oh, right, right, right. It's like... Yeah. They're like, uh-huh, uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Yeah, yeah. Lele Pons comedy. Facebook videos are good at that, too. What a lost art. SoFlo Antonio. Oh, yeah. That was SoFlo. I would say, you know, Kyle Mooney left SNL, right?

No. Wait, when did that happen? No. Let me verify. We're acting like we give a shit, like we ever fucking watch SNL. Right. We just like Kyle. He was on an SNL bit like last week. Are you sure about that?

He could be announced to leave. Expected to exit SNL. It's like leaked. Yeah. Let's fucking go. So I was thinking about this a lot because Kyle is like a really kind of like a connective tissue for the three of us. Not Amen.

Yeah. Not you. Not Amen. It's not a thing we share with you wait bad also zipper what if i told you i liked it zipper likes kyle liked what his videos what's your favorite video favorite one the roommate one that is a good one that's my favorite one but he's back he's back in but uh no so it's like wait which roommate one were they moving together or my roommates where they're moving in together it's gonna be dope oh man anyway like i was like keep it he's

just really funny i think we base a lot of our humor off of like him and good neighbor and stuff like that and we have for a while and i was just i was thinking like he grew up in the wrong time to capitalize on like the big chunk of his brilliance by being on snl what wait what do you mean because back when he got big youtube was very young right and it was like this thing that you couldn't really monetize you can like make a career like you do or like like the way gus johnson i guess is the only person i can think of that does sketches on youtube who i think fucking sucks before he was weird uh just want to put that out there i was an og hater um and it's the idea that like it was like oh snl found kyle and good neighbor and they're like come on aboard this is this is the end of

the pyramid for you you have made it in comedy and in so we ended up on snl and he had to like be on snl which is fucking cringe it's like well i mean like he chose that no but he at that time you're never gonna say no but if someone came up to you and like hey do you want to be on snl love you're like no bitch i'm on my channel yeah but being on snl is still better than where i think it was net gain for him for sure i i think it's net gain but i think ultimately and i'm speaking for someone who i've never met in my life but i feel like they were maybe hindered by the fact of being on such a big large conglglomerate production. Are you saying that SNL won more than he did, whereas if he got on SNL earlier, he would win more than they did?

I think we lost out on art that Kyle and the crew could have made because they were doing SNL. What about the Elon Musk Wario sketch? They could have become more successful pursuing what they were already doing on their own in a later time. I do think Good Neighbor could have developed into an I i think you should leave situation you can develop and they still can they still can but it's more this idea of like kyle's was kyle was soaked up by snl for this giant chunk of his life when i can't name like maybe he loved it maybe he did and that's great

uh and and then then it becomes a selfish perspective where i'm like oh i wish i would we would have had like YouTube Kyle for this long. I'm also positive that they wouldn't have wanted, because to have gotten to the point from when they started to still be doing it on YouTube or whatever, they would have been needing to make YouTube videos for 15 fucking years. That sounds miserable. It's not just YouTube videos, but it's kind of like Rooster Teeth. You grow into something. You create this sort of thing that's more than just making videos it's like an org and then you like come

in and come out maybe you fund movies maybe you fund shows shit like that I think that's so much more fun and free like the thing we're literally doing right now than uh being on SNL cause he cause like he did make his movie too he's like doing it all I think and his movie's really good

I hope he's happy and he could probably movie's really good i hope he's happy and he could probably do it again easy i hope he's happy and i hope he doesn't feel like he was on a cringe show for seven years because that's how i feel yeah i think i think i assume he doesn't think that probably because he wouldn't have been there probably gives them all the stability and success and money to potentially pursue what they want to do now in a way that they never could before i hope so also beck bennett will probably be a late night show host at some point you think so yeah i wonder if he'll probably stay he wasn't on the list i don't know shit yeah i don't know shit about dick because fuck who watches snl kate mckinnon fucking leave your leave your house be funny dude a lot of people

are funny if we get kyle on the pod somehow i love kyle that was a dream that would be bad actually be fangirling too much yeah no it's fine bro remember remember remember dude could you do like can you talk like you did in the baseball interview though dude remember lost when you like were like i'm not sleeping as good as i usually fucking sleep remember that good neighbor videos are the first video that i like i thought were really funny and i sat down at like a like a poker night with a group of friends in high school i was like you guys gotta watch this and i think it was like the like um i forget which life you like those ones uh it was like no no it was like a like one of the good neighbor sketches it might have been like the feast one and i showed it to him maybe not the best hitter uh or like the boat

one and and they're and like i was like constantly like oh it gets it gets funny i hate it no it's i hate it it's like common it's the worst feeling in the fucking world i think uh you know a lot of good neighbor definitely influenced like my humor but i think uh best kids awards like change the way i look at stuff yep best kids awards is like it's such an amazing video and like you know two percent of the people who watch it will like find it funny or like understand it i think yeah yeah and it's not like it's high art like you got to be special to get it right it hits this certain part of like your weird brain that you that you've always felt connected with but never felt like it was being spoken to and

then you see the the kids the best kids award you're just like oh they get it they get they get it like i feel like i need to be seen and that's why i like those videos oh good neighbor dude i'm sorry i have to ask because i'm forgetting why the fuck is nick a republican yeah i was curious about this too dude we had the conversation this is all of us and i remember having it and all i remember is i'm walking i don't i don't i can't explain i i can't explain why it's funny i think i look this happens a lot we talk about something off the clock we're like that's funny oh it's a banger and then and then and then we have to revisit it but this is an indictment of nick anders gaming cool you what no i'm with you oh is the phone ringing no i'm just touching it oh yeah piece of shit what so okay nick was so close to becoming a republican yeah his whole life uh-huh you had a macbook growing up uh-huh you

piece of shit yeah you grew up in orange county uh-huh yeah and you could you could have been a republican all this is really true what do you think stopped you from being a piece of shit like an elephant uh oh i know exactly what well do you want a funny answer the real answer i have the real answer i want the funny answer i don't have a funny podcast that's what happened that was all that was the idea i think we were just theory crafting that like you could have came out like such a fucking son of a bitch no i got really lucky i have like super tight parents who are not like like like very uh political anyway and then i also my sister's gay and like most of my friends weren't white that's why you can wear those sandals yeah i it's

like i get i get one pair of birkenstocks a year uh and if you wrote because i'm gay by blood he's got a little laminated permission card in his wallet like someone comes up to you he's like hey not cool dude he's like actually after i so like after i like left my hometown to go to college i spent like all my time basically like out uh in like where we lived um i hadn't gone back for like a really long time because like even my family left so like i just hadn't in my hometown for like there's nothing there so uh i went back like kind of recently for like one of the first times in a while and it's just like it's different now bro it's got like there's just trump flags on every home like american flags like yeah like as frequently as you've seen american flags it's like a trump flag and people love to say like oh california libs it's like go to orange county

it's like i don't even fucking care who they're voting for it's like that just looks dumb why do you want that he's not even in the shit yeah it's like why do you still want the flat it looks stupid he's gonna run again that's what's gonna happen you know it's funny i was reading comments when we were talking about elon musk when everyone got butt hurt and uh people were like like you know like i don't know these guys like i didn't think they'd be so political and it's like it's like yes i like the yard because you know they they they don't get really political on the podcast it's like no you're just like not understanding that we're just fucking soy cucks.

And like, but you're just like refusing to see that, you know, that, that viewer. Yeah. You turn off and then you, you boot up Ben Shapiro and you're like,

no, this is the deal. You play them at the same time. And then you're like, yeah, no, no, this is,

this is identifying with my views too. They're like, oh, they're the same. Yeah. Right here, Ben Shapiro, left here,

the yard. And you're like, yes, everybody agrees with me. It's like, it's not what, like we're leaving breadcrumbs to like what we like believe in stuff it was just like being very out front and some people are like either elon musk was the trigger that made them mad yeah or they are still think that we are we keep it pretty apolitical when it's like not really also people are just dumb as fuck because i did a

stream today where i was having my chat uh vote on things I'd buy for my cat on Amazon and a poll won by like 4%. And I was like, oh, pretty big margin, bigger than the last election. And then someone said, can you just not make it political? I was like, that could not be less political. It's a fact. Can we just like not talk about politics? I'm trying to enjoy it. Can we not talk about how one number was clearly bigger than the other number?

trying to enjoy can we not talk about how one number was clearly bigger than the other number i feel like you like i'm trying to enjoy my stuff and i don't want to see you that talk about how like some states have a disproportionate impact on the democracy in the country compared to other larger states with more people in it we're not talking about we're not talking about ohio decides whether or not the earth will live or die ohio's kind of for lovers. You guys know that? Have I told you my Nebraska idea? He's such a stupid pussy. No.

Where we move every viewer to Nebraska. And then we start a local government. We get one. No, because they have split votes in Nebraska, and there's one electoral vote in a county, and you only need 250,000 votes to win. So every viewer who watches the yard moves to Nebraska. Yeah.

Do your part. Do your part. I'm down. God damn it great yard experiment it's it's our and mogul moves will hire all of you it's like burning man salary yes for everybody and we could pick who gets the electoral vote that'd be funniest wait because we can give one electoral vote in a presidential election give it to like george clooney yeah or like the guy in our neighborhood dude i thought you

meant like of the two candidates who is the funniest and i'm like fuck we're voting for trump yeah we could give it to jeb bush so like he can go home and like maybe he gets one you put it on the fridge yeah he'd be like he'd be like dad never saw this but i got there yeah we give him this gold star hey i got one dad you weren't here for it but i got one we give it to the guy in our neighborhood yeah we've never talked about the guy we don't talk about the guy i saw the guy about the guy i feel like it's hard to explain the guy basically it's too hard it's not entertaining anyone yeah he just he we see him all the time we think he's a ghost he walks his dog and he smokes cigarettes and he's always outside at every hour of the day uh he's wearing um you know that picture of soldier

boy where his shirt goes to his knees and then his pants shorts also go to his ankles he is dressed like that but not denim it's just like comfortable lounge wear yeah his shirt is just so big he's so relaxed and so cool he's just like a chain smoking like young asian guy with like a little like ponytail

you've seen the guy right zipper you know who we're talking about dude I bet he can drift the fuck out of that car. Dude, he's sick. Oh, man. And he loves his dog. I want to be someone's guy. Do you think I'm like Vespa guy to someone?

Well, you're shirtless guy. You're shirtless guy with AirPods in. Yeah. Maybe Vespa guy? Maybe I'm shirtless guy? I think it's like to be the guy, you have to have like a weird niche. Vespa.

And I think walking around. I think you could be Vespa guy. This is the plot, by the the plot by the way of spy kids really yeah you guys are describing i never saw it the whole movie they try to be the guy the guy or something he's like oh right the guy oh really yeah this is the plot wait isn't that that's spy kids three yeah they really did the 3d they also have that god line which is crazy what's the god like uh do you think god lives in fear of what he's created or something like that well that's in that movie yeah we should rewatch my kids do the thumb people make me laugh every time they did write that line and then made people who are big thumb yeah it's fucking writers in the room on that one real vonnegut shit they're like should

we so should we make them fuck nah I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding fuck it around come on the fuck is the cum beeper bro we were saying

yeah I was actually gonna say it we were talking about last night when me and Nick were trying to figure out what Ludwig was saying

we was like contacting Ludwig Ludwig now has a final DEFCON situation which has been for a while I just keep forgetting

you've never done it ever it's call me that's not true I've done it a couple times but yeah the defcon the final defcon for ludwig is call ludwig if you need something it used to be text me but that kind of got muddied up too so now it's call ludwig if you need ludwig and uh and nick was like bro you should just get beepers yeah you guys get beepers and i was like oh that's kind of cute but then i was like we should put a beeper in Ludwig's brain. Yeah. And then every time it vibrates, you cum yourself.

Yeah. And that's like the final death con. So you don't care about communicating with me at all? No. Because then you cum. You're like, oh! And then you get to a phone. Yeah.

And say like, what do you need? That's just like a toy that you put in people's vaginas. I was going to say, this is already like a common women's toy. It's like, you can get this for men. Yeah. This is a thing? You don't know about this You can just keep it in your body And then you can change the vibration

You can control it with your phone You can make them come with your phone I would give you 10k To have you walk around with one in your ass I just thought about this as well I had the same thought You could put this in my prostate And make me comment lunch at the costco while you're eating a hot dog yeah yeah imagine we all have one and when we really need our talent attention you just turn it on it's like

oh i gotta go like you can't ignore that you You have to go. You can't ignore that. Excuse me. You know what's dangerous, though? If you're driving. Yeah. Because then you just start swerving. You start swerving. That's the magic. It's just kind of like getting road top.

Yeah. But it's also dangerous. Yeah, it is very dangerous. But there's no one in the way, at least. My first girlfriend in high school gave me road top. I think it was the first time I ever got a bloge. And it fucking sucked. I was like, I just want to drive. Just let me drive. Maybe the road's all I need to come away we are just the open road i want uh i want like truck simulator

speed runs where you're getting top oh that's such a funny idea it's like swordfish you guys see swordfish no zipper bring up swordfish hacking scene i sound like actually in the matrix yeah um but it's basically it's like john Travolta brings in Hugh Jackman. He's like the sick hacker for this job. And he tests him at a party where like Dr. Dre's there and shit. And he's like, he opens up a laptop. He's like, go ahead. And he's like, you know, I can't touch that because he went to jail for hacking.

And then he's like, no, you have a minute. And then a guy pulls out a gun and puts it to Hugh Jackman's head, and he starts getting top. What? Yeah, and he has to hack into this, like, government database in a minute. So is he hard already? Zipper, do you find it? He says one second.

But no, because this girl's, like, kind of all over him when we're having a conversation, because he's, like, here to see what the job's about, but he's not really sure. I fucking love Sword. Oh, here it is. I love Sword. Jackman's so handsome.

Department of Defense. You know I can't touch that. Wow. Look at that earring. Look at that fucking earring. Young Halle Berry. You look so good. This is one of the best 2000s movies ever.

So he takes a drink, and then she shotguns him a kiss with more drink in it so he gets a little loosened up hallie berry likes it and then uh she's like wait what are you doing i'm hugh jackman this is bullshit and then dude he's such a good john travolta seems so out of place no he's so money killer visually this is such a killer looks like the berries and cream skittle guy our lord farquhar he's for sure getting top in the next no yeah check it out so okay here it is oh hands behind the back it's topping time and so she starts topping him and talk about this movie is like how it'd probably be a bit hard for him to get hard this is so no

because he's hugh jackman he's always ready to nut once all right so she could just be sucking on his soft pain and sometimes you can't help yourself pulling back his he can't hack if his arms are behind him he's liking he likes it he's also definitely uncircumcised and they didn't bring it up hugh jackman yeah well she didn't like hold her nose and go pu he's getting up yucky sexually assaulting wolverine he's getting top. Yucky, yucky. They're just sexually assaulting Wolverine. Yeah, he's getting top like it's a torture scene. He's literally, he's. Yeah. Oh, there's the gun. Yeah.

Gun to your head. Gun to your head. Sexual assault. Oh, I love that guy. Go ahead. Both are going to make me comment. And then Halle Berry goes. This is very 2000s.

Yeah, this is crazy. This is one of the greatest actors. And now he's like. And then he starts fucking hacking, baby. Oh, fingers go. Go, go, go. 35 seconds. Oh, my.

Yeah. And this is how Es doug looks when he's casting does he come oh he's coming why do they want him to get and then he's like good isn't she oh man this is crazy i think everyone should watch swordfish it's such a good 2000s i can't believe you came watch listening this right fucking now. I can't believe this. I've seen it a hundred times. It used to be on FX all the time. There's actually also a scene where Halle Berry is naked in it, and it was a big deal.

Because Halle Berry was like the it girl at the time. She did this, and she did Monster's Ball, where it's like a very explicit sex scene with Billy Bob Thornton. Monster's Ball is a fucked up movie, actually, I think. It's got some bad shit going on. But there was a version of this where Halle Berry is naked in Swordfish and has a whole conversation

and there's a version where she has her top on because it was for like PG-13. So they like shot a top on in advance. We should do that. For syndication. What do you mean? We should do a version that we have our top on and then another version. Oh we go YouTube then Patreon,

then OnlyFans. OnlyYard. And it's the same podcast, but we're naked. Yeah. And so in the YouTube version, we have clothes edited on by Archie. I was going to say,

we have to shot for shot redo a podcast episode. Resubject Archie. Dude, Archie has to mask clothes and like motion track the entire episode every time. What if we just wear green suits and then he can do both

and then i'm all ribbed that he still green suits wouldn't make us naked no but you do us naked you do us in like dresses you could do us in like chef you could do anything yeah it works one-on-one nick shut the fuck up we're talking i don't give a shit that you watch the tutorial on after effects okay i don't care how to stop talking to me motion me cool buddy you're just mad because you couldn't do that look you're right

about everything I know I know you got nothing that's our time you look like shit I gotta piss your facial hair

look like my goddamn dude hold on uh oh I don't think I'm gonna look good that blue steel I will say

I'm fucking mad that Tommy Inok can grow a good ass beard Better than me How old is he? He can grow a beard at 18 better than you No way He's got the weakest little baby ass pussy ass jeans Tommy's beard looking good

Fucking Tommy Inik I swear to god He disappeared for like a month went to Mexico Cancun or some shit came back Has like a beautiful It's not like big, but it's everywhere. It's more full than Ludwig's. Oh, that's Jake Paul.

I can't see it. Click on it, click on it, click on it. It's just a shit picture, though. Wow, I'm impressed. He's like Soy Jacky. That's great coverage. I don't have that coverage. I don't like that he... It says he broke the internet with that picture. Is that true? He did. He got like 100k likes on Twitter.

Before we go, Ludwig, can you explain to me this isn't a clickbait. I'm not British, but my bat got Tommy in it. How's that? He just does it again. He's just too good. Why are Minecraft YouTubers like the fucking Beatles

right now? Why is that? Why do they have so much sex appeal? It's not even about sex appeal. Also, Jesus Christ. You're living up to your hair color right now. In the bonus episode, we'll talk about all that. We'll talk about it without Eamon. All right.