The Yard - Ep. 48 - We Wax Slime's Entire Body

Episode Date: June 8, 2022

For 20,000 Patreon members, Slime agrees to wax his entire body this episode. The boys talk about the Beyblade tournament, Asher Roth, and Aiden's one serious problem.

I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass. One, two, three. Ah! God. Okay. It's so clean. It looks like a cow udder now. That's great.

Oh, that is so much hair. Wait, can I make a request? Can we set them all aside to take a photo after? Is that possible? You can just keep them somewhere. That is gross, though. Dude, you have so much keep somewhere. That is gross though. Dude, you have so much hair now.

That's not there. Yeah. Yeah, it's really, it's really smooth. What's up guys? This is Welcome to the Yard and this is Lana.

She runs a studio called Wax by Lana. You want to say hi? Let me take off my mask and say hi everyone. Hello, right here, you can hi everyone. First of all, I would like to thank Anthony and his team for giving me this opportunity. Oh man, that's us. We're Anthony's team. I would like to say thank you to all my clientele. They've been showing their support and love me for many years. Without them, Wax by Lana is not like today.

I love hearing that. And now we're part of that loving clientele. For everyone who needs any part of the body waxing, give me a try. I can guarantee I won't let you guys down. No disappointed. Use code YARD for us. So a funny thing about Lana here is that,

so I was tasked to find a place to get this done, right? Yeah, because not only do you have to do it, but you have to find the person. Yeah, because, you know, oh, God. And the funny thing here is I just like i google searched and i and i just found her and i give her a call and we start talking about it and stuff and then uh and she's like okay yeah she seems down i'm like oh this is great she's like super down uh we have another call and she's oh she's like what what was that noise for oh why are you making

noises yeah for audio listeners, Slime just, like, he actually just stepped on, like, a little thing, and he's like... It wasn't even a Lego. It just looked like a Lego. And he's treating it like... It's actually just a piece of fuzz.

Yeah. And she actually has... And he went... She actually has done this for Eric Andre, which is kind of funny. Yeah, that was wild. Yeah.

Because you functionally just found, like, what was the first result for you. Yeah, it was crazy. And then you had worked on Eric Andre. What this means is you and Eric Andre did the same thing, which was, like, kneading waxing and then going, oh, I'll Google it then. And then just going to the first result and being like, that works for me. They call that Sasquatch Brothers. That's what that's called.

Oh, my God. This already sucks so bad. Well, I can't believe the amount of time she said it was going to take because we're blazing through the chest. I don't think the chest is the hard part. You got a whole pec done right now. Legs are going to take so long. Do you think there's some people who are confused

why we're doing this? Almost certainly. You guys should have to kiss now. Normal. Wow, we disagreed? You've been weird lately. Normal. You disagreed. Wow, we disagreed? Dude, what the heck? You've been weird lately. You've been weird.

I'm going to fuck you on that table. Okay. Well, that's the first two minutes of the YouTube video. We have to blur that now. Dude, welcome back to the yard. How's it going, Jeff? We made a promise that... This is a big strip. Straight line like Mr. McKaig.

It's a great rip. You are getting so red where she's ripping. It's so funny because you look so baby smooth, dude. It actually is really smooth. I've waxed my leg. It's smoother than shaving. Like, it's not even close. Feels great.

Yeah, so we made a promise to the Patreon that at 20,000 of y'alls, we would wax his whole body and make him a nice little otter for us. Oh, the yard yards only drug people? Look again, atheists. Yeah. We have range. Checkmate. We're making our hairy friend less hairy.

I'm going to be the smoothest little bear that ever was, you guys. I feel like arms are going to hurt pretty bad. Well, I mean, she said the most painful area is doing your dick and butt. Yeah. Which we're going to do. Which we're going to do. Which we're going to do. Which we're going to do. We probably won't show you his dick and butt.

Probably. I don't know. I feel like the pain centers of this would be similar to tattooing. It's so much more intense. Sorry, I should clarify. I don't think it's as painful as tattooing. I think that the places it would hurt the most would be the same places as tattooing. I think nipple hurts.

Oh, it's hard. It's okay. You're good. You're just doing your job. Ow! Bro, you're... You sound like... I'm not gonna say that. But... Yeah. He sounds like Shaggy.

Ruh-roh-roh. Woo-hoo-hoo-wee. That's so dope. Yeah. He sounds like Shaggy. This is Slime's voice line if he was in Melee and he goes off the top. Give me a... Oh, man. Look at your chest. That's a done chest.

Oh, you're bleeding. I know. It's a little bloody spots. Wow. So we don't just do drugs. Yeah. We have this. Pain is also kind of a drug if you think about it.

Well, the next one at 25K Patreons, we're going to try to make Aiden not cringe. We're going to remove a finger from Aiden's hand like in Mission Impossible 2. We're going to cut off Aiden's foreskin. Live on stream. An adult circumcision at 25. It'll be

a ceremony. It'll be a bris. Call it what it is. And we'll keep the bris on. We'll keep the foreskin on set. Yeah. It'll be. You know how some parents will keep their umbilical cords from their babies? Oh yeah. Like that. Yeah. I learned about this guy yesterday who

he had to get like his leg cut off because he had like legitis or whatever and uh and they cut off his leg and he was like hey i'm religious and i have to be buried whole so you have to give me my leg and they're like oh yeah we do so they gave him his leg and then instead he wasn't religious he made tacos out of the leg and then all of his friends ate him in taco really and they did it somehow legally that's tight and i found out about that and then i was thinking would y'all eat me if i was a taco if you were down what like you are okay with this yeah i'm saying boys this is sort of like this is like the the lads version of would you still love me if i was a worm right yeah kind of yeah would my boys

still eat me if i was taco meat yes so i So I'm wondering. And we say no, and he's like, dude, what the heck, man? You guys come home, and I'm like, boys, I made tacos. You're like, raw meat. You don't have a leg. That's sweet. I don't have a leg. You're just hidden behind a counter. You're like leaning over it.

Yeah, so you guys taking bites? I would 100% eat any part of you. Would you go raw, or would you want seasoning? I would definitely get it cooked. No, not raw. Sorry. I meant like, would you want seasoning

or you want it plain? A nice blue Nick steak. I don't, I think I would have like one little cube by itself just to try it. Just to know what it's like. A little,

a little Versillo tartar. Uh-huh. Can you get like a disease? Like this, this is how mad cow disease works. This is how COVID started. No, because I'm not a cow and that makes you sound stupid. No, Like this is how mad cow disease works. This is how COVID started. No, because I'm not a cow. And that makes you sound stupid.

No, because mad cows eat other cow meat. Maybe I eat it and then I become cringe and want to wear skinny jeans. Wait, does it hurt? It hurts when she puts the wax on because it's still pulling the hairs. And there's also the anticipation of what this is going to be like. Oh, man. But yeah, because it pulls the hairs as she puts the wax. I got to know.

You're like the 32-year-old virgin right now. Yeah. Yeah. That was real, by the way. When they did that, he was really getting those shots done. Respect. You got a full tattoo. Yeah.

What is the pain from that to this? It's not even close. I'm not kidding. This is considerably worse? On my tattoo, when I got part of it on the bicep, that was pretty painful. But it was kind of like, it's weird to say, but it's kind of like a nice pain. Because it's kind of like constant and like

this is just more like aggressive and like evil. Yeah. So you wouldn't call this a nice pain. This is not... This is not nice. That was so thick. Lana, can I ask you a question? Is it normal for someone to get their full body all in one day?

That's normal? Do they usually whine this much and cry this much? I've never seen anyone crying. Okay. I haven't cried yet. And I'm not close, by the way. I know. You anyone crying. Okay. Well, I haven't cried yet. Yeah. I haven't cried yet. And I'm not close, by the way. I know. You're going to fucking suck my dick.

You're going to cry, man? Little baby, you're going to cry. You're Dawson. Can you wax your face? Like, can you do this on your face? I'm not saying you should, but I feel like your face would hurt so bad. Are we doing the mustache today?

No, it's face, neck down. Yeah, we clarify. No, no, no. We're not doing that. It's a terrible idea. You said four weeks of cotillion, and I get a call. That's all you say. Are we doing pits?

We're not skipping pits, are we? We're not skipping pits. No? Pits go. Hey, pits are neck down, boys. We're taking a pit stop. We're taking a butt stop. You know what I gave?

Actually, no. I guess you can't skip anything. I was going to say you could skip the, no, I guess you can't skip anything. I was going to say you could skip the arms, but I guess there's no skipping. I mean, that's not what it said in the Patreon description. That's right.

You know, and I'm a man of my word. I'm looking at your legs right now. So I actually have never thought about how much hair you have on your body. I've never noticed it, but now that I'm seeing it go away, I'm like,

you got so much down there. There's so much. There's a lot. The legs are going to take so long. You got full thighs. I'm a smooth bear. I'm going to be a smooth bear for there. There's so much. There's a lot over here. The legs are going to take so long, dude. You got full thighs. I'm a smooth bear. I'm going to be a smooth bear for you. I want to be a smooth bear.

One, two, three. Smooth bear. Oh, yeah. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. This podcast as an audio experience must be so weird. Oh, my God. This is going to be the worst audio episode of all time. Yeah, they're not going to know that there's about to be a poll.

They're just going to occasionally hear, ah! We should just release this one on Thursday, bro. Yeah. Skip Wednesday. If you're an audio listener, hey, man. Hey.

How's the drive? Crash the car right now. Do it. Go with your impulses. Turn right. Turn right. I know you're thinking about it. Don't do that.

Unless, of course, you are turning right into a right lane. Which case you can. Yeah, so, you know, what else happened in the week, boys? Yeah,

Anthony can't be our driver because he's in immense pain so we gotta take over. We just did Beyblades and Aiden's a fucking shit ref. I'm a great ref. I'm just,

I'm hanging out with my friends, I'm rock climbing, I'm having a good time. I start getting all these death threats and I'm like, what is going on? Why am I getting death threats?

There are people who are like, you're the worst fucking ref ever, I wanna fucking hurt you and kill you, you suck. I'm like, whoa. But they're also saying things like, but I like the hair though. So I'm like, you're the worst fucking ref ever. I want to fucking hurt you and kill you. You suck. I'm like, whoa. But they're also saying things like,

but I like the hair though. So I'm like, people usually say that in conjunction with a DM. So I'm like, so I couldn't parse that this was about someone else as a joke, you know?

Because normally, like they might, let's say it's slime to this. Like they'd be like, LMAO, you're bald and you're DMs. Yeah. But they weren't doing that. So I was like,

what did I do? Yeah. And I'm looking around and I can't figure out what i've done uh turns out aiden did something yeah it was a little call to action uh so i i was reffing the the whole day cutie for those who don't know hosted a beyblade tournament with about 32 32 various youtubers and streamers yeah and uh she asked me to be the referee, which I was excited about. And we did it in like a full boxing training center.

There was a boxing ring where we actually had the competition. And it turns out calling Beyblade matches is actually surprisingly hard because sometimes they don't... Sometimes they both stop at like the same time. It is an eye test. Which I was not prepared for.

And I had to make a bunch of calls where I was like, you know what? I'm not really sure, but I think that one stopped first. But I didn't say that. So I'm just making a call. The crowd has the camera, though. Every time there's a close call, somebody is upset by the call. Hold up.

You're making yourself look like you're a good ref. He was fucking terrible. Oh, yeah. I wasn't fucking terrible. No, hold on. The three times, because we started doing video replays you would pull it up the three times you did that my call was correct here's the replay and force my call i'm the one that had to pull the replay you could have done that whalen instead of aiden we call him amen yeah i would say

that you were dog shit because you refused to give out ties until like the top eight and then there weren't any ties. No, there were, there was this, there was this part where Aiden really fucked up and not because he made the wrong call, but because it was really close and he could have realistically said it's one, one for the hype, but he didn't.

This is good. This is good. Aiden never played Halo and he never had to be in a double beat down and know what that's like. And that was the part where I was like, he's not built for this job because he, his job is actually to make it more exciting like a basketball ref. But he's being a stickler about which one fell first,

which contradicted his earlier calls in which he wasn't sure. So it's like, well, now you want to be a stickler. Our ref is wavy. The rules are changing. Also, the ref sucked because he looked stupid. Did you say let him rip? Did you ever say that? I had to say it every single time.

That's awesome. It was 3, 2, 1, let it rip for every single game of every single match. Yeah, and then I would ring the boxer bell. And then ring the bell. So it was me. So Rich Campbell was supposed to be my co-commentator. Sounds like a white rapper. I'm beefing with Cutie because she came unpreparedpared she literally could have brought two mic cables and two of these

mics and we would have had like great like poker commentary but she's like oh you guys will use labs and I'm like that's insane but it worked out fine I was actually really surprised that it came out so well were you guys moving around no we were just static yeah it was a bad idea but I don't blame her it's oh fuck and it was and uh idea, but I don't blame her. It's, oh, fuck. And it was like, and, but. Can I add to this really quick before you continue? The other day, Cutie's in the living room, and she's, like, freaking out. She's so stressed about something.

She's fucking with a camera. And she's like, I'm like, what's up? You all good? She's like, this camera has been broken. And, like, I can't find, like, any resources to, like, figure out what's wrong with it. And I'm looking online. Like, no one can help me. And I'm like, I live here. I'm like, how long have you been doing this? She's like, I can't find like any resources to like figure out what's wrong with it. And I'm looking online, like no one can help me. And I'm like, I live here.

I'm like, how long have you been doing this? She's like three days. I'm like, I live here. Was it her, was it her kitchen stream camera? Yeah. Yeah. She's been struggling. I fixed the problem in like 30 seconds.

She doesn't want to bother you. She's not like HROC will DM you. Emergency. There's a middle ground. Ari's going to die if you don't fix this now. Look, HROC does do that. But he is just on the other side of the spectrum of stupid. agency there's a mirror he's gonna die if you don't fix this now a truck does do that but he is just on the other side of the spectrum of stupid there there is a middle ground here

where it's just like oh do you know what's wrong here and i'm like oh that's my thing i do yeah yeah people love being experts at things especially if they are oh fuck me oh we're going to pit one by the way pit town hold on we're going to tomato town oh we're getting all the time so i have no reason to fucking complain yeah because you think that you're pittown hold on we're going to tomato town oh we're getting the pit break oh it's so big sloppy wax girls do this all the time so I have no reason to fucking complain

yeah because you think that you're stronger I'm just saying that like if you ever think like if you're like oh girls whatever like

they're they shit they literally do this and it's crazy women who get waxed are stronger than our Marines they're stronger than actual Marines unless

they're girl Marines that get waxed also it goes it goes it goes dream girl Marines that get waxed also. It goes, it goes, it goes Dream viewers, women who get waxed, Marines. Marines who get, Marine women who get waxed.

Marine women who get waxed, yeah. Marine women who get waxed that watch Dream. Ooh. Oh. The ultimate. And then,

and then Prezzo. There's like two, there's like two of those women and they're on Delta Force now. And then Prezzo's ability to not be canceled is the next bulletproof thing. No.

All he does is he was, all he says is he just wants to like smash Maya's pussy into the dirt and he gets away with it because he's gay. And it's like, okay, sure.

It's amazing the leash that he has. He can't get away with shit. I got, Maya was like, she called me racist yesterday. Really? Yeah,

because I walked up to her at the Beyblade event and I went unknowingly just like, I called me racist yesterday. Really? Yeah, because I walked up to her at the Beyblade event, and I went unknowingly, just like I went, Mushimu, which is hello in Japanese. No, it's not. It's also not. It's like a phone greeting. It's the phone greeting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine. He's close enough with hello. That's cute. If you want to specify. Yeah, you would never say that to a person. What if I came up to you and said, howdly doodly? Is that the same tier?

That is racist. That is racist. It's the same because that's what they say. Canadian racist. They go howdily doodly. Welcome to Horan. You can only say that if you're from rural Alberta. I'm nervous for this one for him. 50,000 people used to live here.

Yeah. Oh God. I'm sorry. I don't want to count. I don't want to count. He doesn't know how to count. I'm just trying to say to you. He's never done it before. Yeah, anyway,

the Beyblade event went pretty well. I didn't. That's not that bad, actually. Hey, I got us to game 10, didn't I? Well, you know what's fucked up is that Wilnef shows up. He drives in. He's playing the pain theme song

from Naruto that goes, oh, oh, oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Like as he drives up. Yeah. In an Akatsuki uniform. He's wearing the villain's costume from Naruto.

He comes out of his car and he's wielding two Beyblades he bought. He calls up a store in little Tokyo and he goes, Hey, do you guys have like any Beyblades? And the woman goes, is this about the drop? And he's like, what?

And he's like, what? Oh, the, oh, the off-white ex-Babelade? The Bape? The Bape-lade?

Yeah. She's like, well, yeah, the Friday drop. Are you interested in that? And he's like, absolutely, I am. She's like, I can put your name down. It's going to be like a 30-minute line. So he shows up to this drop, and he gets some goaded Bape-lade. Really?

I know. Dude, what? It's not just a standard. You're looking at me confused like a son of a bitch. So he gets this, right? You stupid piece of shit. You're the referee. Now, Slime's anger is valid because what happens is he's talking about he's going to be the villain.

He's coming to this device, and he's telling Cutie, and Cutie's like, no, you're not. You're not doing this because she purposefully got the shittiest Beyblades on the market. Yeah, she got Baystex. Plastic rinky-dink, you know, so that nobody could sweat too hard and nobody could min-max. Yeah, bring out the Madcatz Beyblades. She was like, I want to run a melee tournament,

but I want everyone to use a Madcatz controller. That way no one's that good. And then Will Neff shows up with a box. Yeah. And we're like, wait, what? You can instant turn around. His shit come with free pussy. It got a Starbucks in it.

And he starts using it. He also, dude, he also had this launcher on deck. So the normal rippers are just a plastic piece with a cord that goes through and they're kind of shitty and you just pull it out, right? But he brought two that are like this machine that almost is like a fucking lawnmower

cord and you pull it and it it spins like fucking five times as fast and now he used that the whole time no no he didn't use it for like the first half of the tournament and then he started handing it out to people like i hate how you're talking about this like a bystander and not the referee the thing about it is it looks stocked to me here's the conversation here's the conversation i was like will's gonna cheat and she goes oh no i think aiden will take care of it like maybe they'll wrestle or something what happened is will goes in for his first match with the fucking giant ass bape beyblade and looks at aiden a aiden goes yeah that looks stock shakes his hand and then it will proceeds to win the entire fucking event.

He didn't win the whole thing, which is a terrible look for the association. It looks great for Beyblade. Let it rip, by the way. And everybody else gets lost.

I think it was a clean game, honestly. I don't really think there's any edge. Because I fucking lost to him, and I spent hours building coots for my Beyblade.

Imagine you're at Beyblade, right? And you're like, let's say you're at Beyblade, right? And you're like, let's say you're a potential buyer, and you're like, well, I spend more money. Are these things even going to get me more wins? And then you watch a guy win a whole tournament with one.

That's a good point. That's good for Beyblade. It's time I revealed to all of you that I was indeed paid off by big Beyblade. Oh, my God. Big Blade. By the drop. No, okay.

So another way I personally got fucked was that because we started late because of this microphone issue, which isn't the interaction. Things start late all the time. We started late. It was like running low on time. So we changed it. So losers bracket became a best of one.

And that happened in the middle of basically losers. And I was actually in the bracket because we needed people to fill. And my match against Ovilee I won the first one and then I lost the best of three and then the fuck and then the

rule changed like right after and so I kind of I kind of got fucked same thing for me I lost to Will Neff and I won game one yeah and so but you know what we take it in

stride as competitors because the Beyblade rules change sometimes and that's that that's the way it works in Beyblade tournaments you never know when it's going That's the way it works in Beyblade tournaments. You never know when it's going to be

best one or best of three. It's kind of an on-the-spot call. If you did any research or talked to the association ahead of time, you would have known that association. To the audio listeners,

it just sounds like you're getting an HG at dinner under the table. That part? Yeah. You're like, I just saw the Beyblade and then I...

It's like a shitty porn where he's getting head under the table. This is what you're going, I just, you know, the baby, and then I, it's like a shitty porn where he's getting head under the table. This is what you're going to sound like when we do the remote vibrator thing. Yeah, true. Except the aggressive one. Okay, but by the way, guys, she did my armpit like a couple pulls ago, probably like three, four minutes ago, and it actually didn't hurt that bad.

Yeah, it looked like you were just like, oh. The armpit was okay. It seems like upper arms and forearms are kind of tough tough though yeah this is gonna hurt this this forearm right here because it's not it's like fine hairs kind of i think but uh yeah the armpit i was surprised did not hurt too much um i also asked lana i was like do i should i shave like my privates before this and she was immediately like no no no no no no, no, no, no. So I think that means it's going to be a little easier. Is that a shit of jungle right now?

No, it's not really a jungle. It's probably like a month after. He keeps it trimmed with Manscaped. That shit looks like the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland. We don't know what that means. I'm trying to understand it.

Don't know what that means. There's a bandana on it with little beads in the hair. It has red to understand it. Don't know what that is. There's a bandana on it with little beads in the hair. It has red rum on it. And there's a guy. There's a guy in there. Hidden. And he just won a defamation trial.

You're okay. Lana was so sweet to make us croissants. And this is the best goddamn croissant I ever had. Yeah. Lana chefs it up. Oh!

God, dude. That one looked bad. Hey, you're being loud. I'm trying to talk about this. That was my bad. Yeah, the Crista go on. Yeah, so it's flaky, but like not too flaky.

Right. It's not like going everywhere. Because there's some butter in it. Yeah, it's like, you can tell there's love. The inside isn't just like white. It's like kind of yellow. You can tell there's some love in there.

Yeah. So, by the way, for Beyblades, Rich Campbell was supposed to be like the co-commentator. And he bailed, like... He was so funny. He bailed, like, when Cutie announced it.

Because I was, like... Because I tweeted the thing out about Rich Campbell. I was like, hey, let's wear suits. And she messaged me. She's like, oh, he bailed. I'm like, oh. Okay. Just in general.

Let's hang out and wear suits. And she's like, I'll try to find someone. And I'm like, no. I'll find someone. And I message like, no, I'll find someone. And I message one of the greats to ever do it. Yeah. And I message Sajam, who is a fighting game professional commentator, used to commentate Capcom Pro Tour, actually got excommunicated, so the legend goes, because he criticized

the game and demanded rollback netcode, which most fighting games have now rolling out which is funny and uh and he like didn't get capcom work anymore and then instead became a streamer and now is like way way more successful as a streamer and so that's funny i was wondering why like how that all came together like why it was there yeah i just asked him i'm just learning that you were that i was like yo, because he's really funny. He's really sharp. And it was like, it was great. He's a professional. The thing about commentary is like in Melee, it's really hard to find someone who will like talk when you aren't talking.

Like, dude. Oh, yeah. My commentary, the function with hugs, hugs loves to just sit there and not say anything after you've said three thousand sentences he's thinking about an ipa tweet and say jim is really he's a he's a pro and i was like god it feels so good to be with a goddamn pro anyway i think we did really great i think it was really funny and i think the stream was really fun he did a really good job with it

i was talking to him uh at the beginning of the event and we were talking about just how weird it is that he's commentating this, that Tasteless and Artosis had done like the Amaranth event. Yeah. And he was talking about how like after all these years of doing FGC commentary,

his most watched VOD on YouTube is when he commentated the Jenga tournament at HyperX. Oh, really? Yeah. It has like 20 million views or something. That is so sad.

I mean, that's paid. That's definitely paid views. 20 million views on YouTube? That is so sad. I mean, that's paid. Hmm? That's definitely paid views. 20 million views on YouTube? I don't know. Jenga's accessible. I can see Algo picking that up. No, it's a sponsor thing, right? Oh, I'm so sneaky.

For Ibrex? Yeah, that's like just bought views. Do you think they view-botted it? No, no. You can just literally pay for an ad to be shown. For example, the MSI ad that we did in our house. Yeah, the graphics card. The graphics card one where I'm like wow what is a 30 yeah yeah it has like 1.5 million views yeah what's right because it's like a sponsored yeah it's because if the youtube ad if the ad

that goes into a pre-roll or any sort of ad in the youtube system is itself a youtube video that pre-roll view goes toward the count. Dude, speaking of fucking YouTube ads, you know who's been trying to dog me lately? Tell me about it. Is goddamn Mizkiff, that son of a bitch. What are you saying? I heard he's fallen off. I heard he's washed. Is that me in the car

yesterday saying that? Yeah, because he has 25k instead of 30k people watching him. What is he doing to you, Ludwig? First of all, let me address the wash comment. Really quick, hold on. Miskif, by the way, remember when he made a joke,

it was like, who the fuck wants to listen to The Yard? And it was like, back when we started the podcast. Yeah. Guess how much fucking money

we make on Patreon and guess how smooth I am, babe? I'm just saying. The smooth part, I don't understand adding in here. I think the smooth part is the better part

to bring up, to be honest. I'm so sorry, there's so much smoother than you. You're telling, Miskif, I make one-tenth what better part to bring up to be honest Miskif I make one tenth what you make stick it to you and I split it across my friends

evenly and our producer and our editor by the way I think Miskif's fine I don't want the fucking frogs to come out I didn't say he's washed clarification I said he seems like he's not hype on content these days. Hey, what's up?

Welcome back. We lost power. We had to restart a couple things, and we're running with no AC, so it's going to get sweaty. We were saying we love Miz Kiff, and we think he's doing really, really well. Oh, fuck. And that was the key takeaway. You know what's something? I've had pretty long tattoo sessions, and whenever I take a break in the middle, it's always the worst.

Oh, yeah. Because like your body's like, hey, you were just going through a lot of pain. It's over now. It's over now. Let's start healing you. Let's start making it better. That's kind of what you just did because you took a bit of a break. So I'm hoping it doesn't, you know, hurt more now.

You know, as Alana was telling us, she was like, usually when people do arms, like you don't get the whole route. But she's like, when I do it, I get the whole route. She's the goat. For real. For real. Yeah. You it, I get the whole route. She's the GOAT. For real, for real. Yeah, you're the Michael Jordan of this shit. Dick noticed this, dude. Oh, careful.

Yeah, I saw Lana has a Funko Pop of Steve Carell in 40-Year-Old Virgin. Really? Oh, my God. Look at this, dude. It's the waxed version. So he has his nipples and the smiley face. That is insane. Very cute.

That's the, oh God. It's like you're the only person who has a Funko Pop that's cool. Audio people, we've worked our way to the second pit. This is the armpit. Followed up by the second arm. This one's right in the camera lens too. So this will be a be a good one no now the last armpit didn't hurt very bad and maybe because the

hairs are longer also the way this is done and I've seen this done at home as well it's like you actually just pull the wax off as an entire little thing you don't use the paper so yeah hmm actually Oh. Just pulls the hair. It's crazy that they were making the wax and they were like, yo, we should make one that doesn't remove skin. That wasn't like the first thought they had.

It's a little warm and scary. Do you want some of your skin off for this treatment or you can pay you can pay about ten dollars more if you want to keep your skin though waxing but it takes all of your skin off and you become a skeleton muscles yeah that's just called flaying and that was a torture method whoa yeah that's and that's 30k so we bring it back we make a beauty and we sell it at sehora. Yeah, in Game of Thrones, that's the Bolton family. They have their banner and it's the flayed man because they're

fucking weirdos that skin people. Is that like spelled like filet mignon? No, it's filet like Bobby Flay. Oh, okay. I thought I would enjoy seeing you in pain more and I don't. Really? Yeah. Ugh. You shot him with a paintball gun in your bedroom before. I know. I went soft on him

I really liked watching the very first one but now I'm kind of like he's just still in pain I mean yeah and it's not ending any time soon

how did that MF-er from GOT do it when he just tortured that guy for like years look at his armpit from GOT Game of Thrones

well for one that was Theon Greyjoy and he cut off his wiener which you would do that was Theon Greyjoy and he cut off his wiener, which you would do that for me, wouldn't you? I would cut off your wiener? Yeah.

For you, yeah. For your personal pleasure. Like to train me. Right. Yeah. Yeah, I would do that. I would make you... This is remarkably similar.

Like, here we go, here we go. Oh, yeah, that one hurt. That is the best view I've had of this so far. Oh, man. That was so painful looking. He's kind of like Theon in the show because nobody calls him Theon, right?

He's Reek, and this is Slime. Yeah. Oh, my God. That is... All right. 20 bucks, Ludwig. Odds you eat?

Odds you take a bite? 20 bucks to give your tongue a tattoo like a fruit roll-up. That was... Dude, that is so gross looking. There's nothing gross about self-care, Nick. That's actually fucking disgusting. That's not true.

Anyway, one final thing on Mizzy Wizizzy whizzy wait you never actually said your point yeah what is your point i forget the original point is that you said he fell off he's washed he fell off you said he was balding that he will never get back to where he was this is what i said aiden brought this is gonna go off again in about five seconds probably uh no the one thing is that he keeps messaging me to do the ultimate match oh yeah he messages me at least once a week and he's like yo let's do ultimate yo here's here's the real litmus test on how badly he wants to do it how about they fly out to la for once how about they get their shit together he's i think he's coming to la at some point in

the streets he's like who wants to watch yard okay in the sheets he's like hey let's play our game and do our he probably wants to do itard? But in the sheets, he's like, hey, let's play our game and do our content. He probably wants to do it on a plasma TV, dude. Yeah, probably. Well, you don't play Ultimate on a fucking CRT, that's for sure. Imagine, though? I will say, and you know what? I think there's a point because Ludwig's the only brain rot streamer,

and the rest of us are like normie podcasters. So that means we have the luxury of being able to travel without like wanting to shoot ourselves in the mouth because we're not live for a day because that's what this industry does to you so i understand them not dash miskif but a whole crew flying out i understand that not being desirable however i will still make fun of them i just like that them getting on a plane is also a form of like meditation and therapy and self-help in their life. Whereas for us, it's just moving from point A to point B.

But for them, it's like they're making a big leap by leaving their room. Yeah. You know what I mean? I want to put them through something. I want them to grow from this experience. I don't want to go to Texas. They traveled a good amount. They just went to Korea.

Yeah, they did go to Korea. But they did live stream it all. So there's like this element of like, it's okay to do this because we won't feel we'll be live we won't feel the creeping abyss you know the tendrils of evil creeping up on our feet that we will you know we're not live that's how i feel when i'm not podcasting frankly you feel like you should the tendrils are grabbing me ludwig keeps doing this fucking thing bro where he keeps doing the michael babaro hmm when I'm explaining shit, and I hate it so much. Why do you hate it? Because it feels like you're not listening the same way

Michael feels like he's not listening to the fucking expert he's talking to. But then Michael will tell you back what you just said bar for bar. I can tell you bar for bar what you said. It's the fact that you're just looking at like a stream of Asmongold reacting to something, and then I'm explaining something to you, and you're like,

mmm, mmm. Have you watched the mmm compilation from Michael Barbaro? Yeah. I love Michael Barbaro's ooms. I think they're good. I'm one of the enjoyers.

You like the mmms. Yeah, I think he's great. Shit. Anyway, Aiden's racist. Why are you racist? We went to,

we went to Hot Pot and we played a shit ton of beerio, right? We even played a bunch of Beerio because I had this idea for an event that I think I'll do, which is like Beerio Kart World Cup. Oh, that's so hype.

Where there's a way to play on the GameCube version of Mario Kart, 16 people on land. It has a land mode built into the game on a GameCube. Yeah, you can like connect two cubes and then have eight people playing, but then Double Dash lets you have two per car.

Yeah. But you can have more than two cubes. You can have eight cubes. Wait, eight cubes? Eight cubes. So we can have that many people playing and we can do a huge Birria card thing. So we were testing this, right?

So we were playing Birria. It's like me, Aiden, Nick Allen, Nick Yingling. And we're going through and the doubles in Double Dash is actually, it's high tech. Like the person in the back can make the drifts go faster because they're the ones who control whether you get the blue boost. And so you can get like two per turn, three per turn.

Me and Josh cracked the code last night. We were so good. They were nuts. I will give it to them. But we practiced and we got super drunk. And then we're like, dude, let's go get some hot pot. So we go to this hot pot place. And Eamon's like, no, I don't like that kind of food.

Well, worse. Aiden shows up. Aiden said, do you guys have chicken tenders? Or like something I can dip in ketchup? These are all things I wish he did. He goes and then he starts speaking Chinese. Or Mandarin, I should say. You know, because he studied Mandarin.

So he's just like, I think one person said shu shu at the table next to us and it set him off. Lana likes that one. Shu shu, Ludwig. Yeah, nice pronunciation, loser. Okay. Wait, wait, wait.

You made fun of him last time for not speaking enough Chinese, or Nick did, because he studied Chinese. Yeah, yeah. Where's the right amount of Chinese to say? Apparently, there's no winning with you two. No, okay. Because it wasn't a normal amount because you weren't just speaking it out of the table you weren't just speaking it when like the waiters were around you were texting zipper three's

friends in chinese what what do you why because he's drunk and when he's drunk he just like starts speaking mandarin now it's like a new thing that's actually kind of hype i was actually just saying so i was sitting at the table and i was like i you know what's funny is i was remembering more than i had in a long time just by like working through sentences and stuff and get drunk and i would remember like words and then i would make i would just say a new sentence that only i would understand at the table and then i would laugh to myself i did like the atrioc laugh every time i said a sentence that you know it's funny when Aiden started learning Chinese

and like we had this, this idea that like he would, oh, this one's going to hurt really quick. Really quick. This one looks tough.

I want to keep that one and I want to use it as a bookmarker. Yeah, this will go in your goosebumps. Dude, I had this old bookmark that was just a,

it was a cutout of a Wii remote. I'm like imagining having like my Wii remote bookmark that was just a it was a cut out of a wii remote i'm like imagining having like my wii remote bookmark and then my one that's solidified wax hair you would know you were the apple kid of of uh we of nintendo products there was this idea that amen would be like a salty old like uh like guy ah like playing go with all the old dudes in the in the parlor smoking cigarettes that was my dream because when i when i started studying it was like in the thick of covet so you see you really could not go out and do anything like everything was closed and i was getting to go into go at the time and

i was like the perfect place to learn chinese would be at old go clubs in socal but all of them were out of commission like during that time period So I could never go. But we had this vision of me hanging out with Chinese old men playing Go. Smoking cigarettes with dark glasses and just screaming. Talking shop about how the CCP would fix this place up. Aiden getting tilted at a game, but doing it in Chinese this time. But everything else is the same. That's brilliant. That's a performance art in my head.

So wait, what? Yeah. How did Burial Cart go? Do you think it's got legs? Oh, it has so many legs. It has more than two. That's great. It's a goaded idea,

and I think we will do it. We'll drink. Well, now we have to do it fast. There was a moment last night, because after the Beyblade event, Point Crow and Abby came over, and we were running it back again and point crow was driving and abby was in the back seat and what you can do in the

co-op mode is you can punch to your right and left yeah and that moves your momentum you can't do that when you're a single player like that isn't an option oh interesting and computers do it to you all the time yeah it's so. The punches move your vehicle's momentum in a weird way that drifting does not normally. And there was this one point where Point Crow takes this really tight line where he looks like he's about to hit the wall and then Abby punches.

So they move out of the way of the wall and they get like a God line around this corner. And I'm like, this is the next level of the game and i'm super super excited for it now that's hype um do you know the tier list for double dash no wait what do you mean i don't like like who's the best character shit like i think the best car is the train car yeah the train car is the best cart for sure i think the second best not counting the gold car yeah i. I think it has busted stats. Probably should ban it.

Everyone uses it, but boring. And then the second best car, I think it's the baby stroller or something. Maybe. That's also pretty good. All the time trial world records

are the train. Really? Yeah. I play like I'm a child, so I still go baby Ouija and then like Yoshi because I like Yoshi. BB Ouija.

BB Ouija. Yeah. Oh my God. You know, in Yoshi's story, okay, she's going to start on the legs now, by the way, which are extremely hairy. Right. They're hairy as part of my body. Yeah.

You're ready to scream. It's going to be rough. I'm at a kids concert. There's so much more hair on your legs than there were. I actually think the legs aren't as bad. We'll see. Having done one strip once. Okay, no, I did this once.

I did this. I waxed a piece of my leg and it hurt pretty bad so yeah so well okay before that she starts then please tell us about the stavros call uh no stavros so it was funny he messaged me on twitter and he's like yo slime you sexy sexy bastard and he was like i was wondering if i could ask you some questions about youtube and i'm like yeah sure and i was thinking like i'm not quite the guy but i i might i probably will know more than him you know but like who knows just by being proximity and uh and so i i was like yeah i'll be free in a bit and he gives me his number and i call him up and he's basically

just asking for his advice on um rolling out his special that he put out yesterday and he's like so like how do you think what's like the best way to do this and this and that and i'm like well you probably want to live stream it. And then those viewers go into the views of the video because you can set them up like the video premieres after the live stream ends and shit. He's like, okay, yeah, that's what I was going to do. That's what I was going to do. He basically knew what to do already, but he called me and that's my calf. And he made me feel really special and wanted when he did that.

Jesus Christ. I'm just so excited when I think about our friendship. It makes me feel good and happy about it. Don't scream if you love him, though. Wow. That's hurtful for him. Oh, you are bright red. God damn it.

That's hurtful for him. Oh, you're so... Can you show this one? So much hair, dude. Holy shit. That is a lot of hair. So, Hasan, this makes sense because he's on Hasan's stream right now while QT and Maya are there.

Yeah, he's doing a little tour. Just promo. And there's like 50K people watching Hasan at the moment. Hasan was spamming the chat with the link to the special. I watched it on the way over here, too, so congrats to him. His YouTube channel has been popping off, too. He's done a really good job with it. You know what's funny? I asked him. He's i'm putting on my youtube and i'm like okay how much how many subs you have on your youtube he's like oh like 238 and i start grimacing

and he's like thousand i'm like dude you're doing great he's better than us yeah he pumps it he posts uh he posts a short like a short of like one bit basically every day. Yeah, that's great. And I watch every single one. Dude, what's really funny, I was listening to a recent episode of Comptown, and they were talking about, Stob was pushing his special,

and he was like, yeah, and I talked to the algo gods. I reached out to some algo gods I know. He said that, and I was like, in my head, I'm like, I wonder who he talked to. Because when I went to, me and Aiden went to his birthday, and he was like, I want to talk to you about Patreon. talked to because like because like when i when i went to me and adan went to his birthday and he was like i want to talk to you about patreon and i was like that's crazy yeah it's crazy because he looked at you guys he's like i'm gonna hit you guys up when we were making up when we were making the yard we were like if we can get a fraction of what cumtown has we'll be happy we literally said that and he came up and he's like

i want to learn some things and i was like that's crazy but i was like oh my god anthony okay so uh so i was like i wonder if we talked i wonder who the algo gods are and stop his eyes and it's uh it's it's anthony yeah nice to meet you funny that anthony's the algo god oh you're okay you're not doing anything wrong you're doing everything right this is your job and your job, and you're an expert. You're very nice. Oh Fuck this one's gonna hurt There's not like extra secrets that I would have though. I think that I could tell them oh Did you hold it? Can you hold it like kind of over here like next to like where his face is? It looks like what's up gang?

Looks like it looks like what the top of your head would be like if you grew it out. That's the funniest thing you've ever said. Someone update the yard flag. Oh, that one's stuck. Oh, no. God damn it. Yeah, no postcards this year for the fuck you two. You're just going to get hair.

Yeah, we just send out these. Every fuck you will get a piece of wax paper. One wax paper with some hair on it. I'm thinking about rolling it up. Yes, dude, someone smokes my wax. Dude, RPS loser licks. Oh, wow. That is so gross.

That's the thing is, I'll do it. You'll do it? And I'm never scared. A tongue poke or a lick? Just a full-on like... No way, no way. Like it's a cartoon character licking a lollipop. And they get it all in one go.

That's so fucking gross. When we were... Yeah, all of it. Yeah, yes. All of it. You gotta do it. Pull up as much as you need. We're very close, by the close. This is the area.

This is the area that I soft tested for Anthony. And, uh, it, it did hurt pretty bad. You wait, what do you mean? Soft?

Like you did it to yourself. I tried waxy, like at home wax on my thigh. Yeah. Um, I asked at home wax my leg and it didn't feel great, but I love how smooth it is. You have less,

dude, you have pretty much hairless legs, I feel like. No, my calves have hair. In comparison, dude? Can you show them? I mean, compared to this guy, can you pull it up? Dude, you have, like, no leg hair.

This is what I got. Never mind. I'm wrong. I mean, it's not like a shit ton compared to this guy. This guy's like a Greek god in the hair department south of the head. Yeah, it is my legs. I'm looking at, like, Austin Powers or Steve Carell where, you know, it's like I got shit

on my chest. Like some people have a lot of hair on their back. I have a hairless back. You're one of those statues of like the sculptures of Greek people when the head is already fallen off from like being in a war. That's the amount of you that is a Greek god of hair. Oh, God. You know what's funny?

I get this. Get this what, man? I get this money. Dude, this looks so fucking painful. You're a soldier. It's pretty really hard. I'm not I'm not guys I'm not playing it up or anything like that. It's just really is this the worst part so far yes His armpit looks like a shaved pussy. No, no. Close your arm. Close your arm. Close your arm again. Oh, my God. It fucking does. That's crazy. Aiden would fuck your arm and then never talk to you again.

Bro. God, dude. I didn't. And then leak your social security number. This is for later, bro. Yeah, we were making a joke that if Aiden breaks up with you, he'll fucking post your social security number on Twitter. I just wanted to make sure we create distance between ourselves.

This is crazy. Yeah. That is crazy. Dude, it's got a little labia in the middle. I'm putting this in the Patreon. That is crazy looking.

Dude, I... I get that done. This is... She did my calf. The last lower leg, I actually... The pain was so hardcore. Call me... Aloe vera to calm me down. Aloe me now. She also asked me if I wanted numbing spray and said no a fool said no

Yeah, why did you that would you do that? Yeah, you wouldn't If you did this on fucking stream you wouldn't do It's like I'm gonna do get surgery on the yard, but then you go under for it. Where you do local anesthetic. Yeah, that's so stupid. So she's putting aloe vera on the already waxed part. How does that feel? It doesn't change anything.

It might feel better. Is it cool? It might have to wait a few minutes. Yeah. But this is, yeah, this is, this does not, I want the viewers to know, this does not prevent the pain from the waxing process someone just opened the cactus and was like let's rub this on it i don't think anyone's worried about you feeling pain i think everyone knows what i was saying is that uh so i i have to get like

physical therapy and also like massages every now and then to like heal my broken old body and what i found out is that i have the first the first time I went to physical therapy and she's like massaging my neck and like, she has to get under there. Like, you know what? This is so much easier on bald people. And I'm like,

cool. I think that it did make me feel nice though. Cause it's like, Oh, this allows her to do her job better. Right. And in addition, when I get massages,

I am told that I have very nice skin. Like on your head skin? No, like my back and my upper body and stuff. I do think Anthony has, I think Anthony has nice skin and nice teeth. Very clear.

Yeah. I don't know. My gums are going away. I don't know why. I think I'm gritting them too much. You're gritting your teeth? Yeah. I learned that I grind

my teeth at night recently at the dentist. They said you, they said you grind your teeth and I said I grind every hour of the day. Yeah. Tell me something I don't at night recently at the dentist. They said you grind your teeth. And I said, I grind every hour of the day. Tell me something I don't know, you dumbass dentist ass. Don't say that to me. I haven't gone to the dentist in five years.

Yeah, I think we already talked about this. Did you tell this on the podcast? No, I don't think so. We talked about it outside. No, I think I brought it up. Tell the people how weird you are. I haven't gone to the dentist in five years or to the doctor for any physical checkup. Dude, I'm almost in the same boat as you.

Because weed is my medicine and money is my cure. Amen. He uses hemp toothpaste, so it's all good. I am preparing. I've been flossing just to prepare because I've never gone to the dentist. Flossing to reverse the cavities I already have. I've been doing the orange justice to promote hair growth.

I've been flossing for my teeth. Do you remember when you were a kid and you were supposed to go to the dentist and you flossed the day and a half beforehand? Yeah. And then you go in and they immediately know. Yeah, they're like, you are inflamed. Yeah. And they're like, hey, you should be flossing a little more regularly. Yeah.

I think I said this before. The last time I went to the dentist, I had been flossing because I got my gums planed, which is a fucked up... I would not advise that. It hurts. Like how you plane wood? It's called planing and scraping and they take this weird little hot... To your gums?

Yeah, they hot little laser and they laser the inside of your gums and you look like you were smoking meth for your whole life. They're all bloody and weird. Oh, I will never ever do that. Wait, what's the appeal? It cleans it.

It's like an extreme deep clean. You do it like every once in a while. I feel like that's like cleaning your skin by cutting it off. I'm just going to Hooters that week and ruining them again. Why would I do it? Yeah, I don't know, man. I am really scared about this wax strip. This is my upper thigh and it's really

hairy and ouchy bears is happening soon, man. Your arms look great. I actually am considering doing this now. My chest also looks good, too. Your smooth body looks great. Dude happening your arms look great i actually am considering doing my chest also looks good your smooth body looks great dude your muscles look more defined like i haven't even been working out because i've been laid up this is you not even at max potential this is this all checks out this is like when you do it on your uh when you do it on your dick and your dick looks yeah your dick looks good speaking of uh beautiful bodies i mean i went to i went to a new climbing gym the one that you and and I did a thing with.

That place is crazy. It's huge. Cliffs of Eden in Los Angeles. And I haven't been to a gym in general in a very long time where there's just like naked people in the bathroom. Oh, yeah. You saw some of them. And so I've been to a bunch of climbing gyms and none of them are also showers for the ones i've been to yeah so i was like you know i'm just gonna go wash my hands like i always do and i walk in and i look left and i'm like wow this is a nice bathroom they have a blow dryer in

here they have like lotion they have like everything you could need this bathroom and then i look right and i felt like i was in ram ranch i saw i saw a slew and a lot of like you know at the at the at the regular gym at the at the regular gym there's like this slew of like there's old people there's like you know there's a bunch of different types of people well yeah when i go to the gym when i used to go to the gym uh because i when i personal train it's like a smaller gym but like you go to like your your box gym and then you go into it's usually old cock yeah that's what you see if you're at the rec center you got you got some 65 year old who's just done finished his fucking 20 laps and they don't have shit to care about or think about so you just see

it all like god and salvador dali painting and i i look around and uh i realize i'm at a climbing gym where everybody is hotter than you everybody is is a beast. Everybody looks like Alex. And they're ripped. And I turn around and I just see a slew of naked guys all walking around me. I just didn't notice. Are they like young, hot, 30-year-old guys? They're like, yeah. They're all just shredded.

And I was just like. Chad and Brad and big meat Brian Anders. Yeah. Brad be my Anderson. Damn, Brian. Your cock's looking bigger than ever. Oh. I think...

Oh, that one wasn't clean. Okay, you're okay. You're doing great. It's about the pilot, not the plane. Oh, that one did not... That one seemed like when you take old Velcro off. The pilot, not the plane. But we said that so much in the Beyblade tournament.

I think I may have had my second sexual awakening. I think me and you are... I think I'm bisexual now may have had my second sexual awakening. I think me and you, I think I'm bisexual now, Aiden. Yo. Congrats. Yeah, me and you. So does that change? Is our friendship different now?

Do we have to like kiss, get romantic? No, no. Honestly, honestly, you have a long way to go before you get to the level of sexual chemistry that's been developing

between me and Ludwig lately. Wait, what? Where anytime we're hanging out, you'll point at an object that even remotely looks like you can sit on it and you'll say i'm gonna fuck you on that which has been you which has been the new bit for the past two weeks i say it threateningly yeah yeah it never sounds like a fun time dude we're at the gym yesterday and there's like this it looks like one of those uh what one of those like sit down squat machines but it looks a little like a fucking torture device

it looked weird and different i i don't know how to describe why why it seemed odd cables and pulleys and straps yeah and leather and he just comes up to me he like comes up behind me we haven't been talking before this by the way and he's like i'm gonna fuck you silly on that and i'm like and then there's like this 10 second pause and he's like don't tell nick allen i said that well it's because nick allen told me i didn't know this in california if you have a company with more than five employees you have to do sexual harassment training oh yeah which is which is good and i'm on board for it. But in light of that, I've been sexually harassing Hayden on a near daily basis. Yeah, to warm up. That's exciting.

Because you don't have to stop doing the sexual harassment until you take the exam. Yeah, I haven't done the training yet. That's also in the California law. I'm going to show California how well the training worked by harassing you so much before. We'll get a great before and after pic. And after, I'm not going to harass you at all. Your company also needs a breastfeeding room. Yeah, we need a breastfeeding

room. We'll get a nice before pick where you're standing next to me with your hand on my crotch, and then we'll get an after pick where we're five feet apart. And you're both thumbs up. You've got two thumbs and doesn't harass. I'm the best C. Who's got two thumbs and neither of harass. I'm the best CEO.

Who's got two thumbs and neither of them are on you. You text Susan, you're like, I just got through a big exam. I don't know if you guys

do this one at YouTube, but it really helped me personally. Susan, few tips, CEO to CEO, don't tell your employees you want to fuck them.

Be like, I'm not an assaulter anymore, t-shirts lester sends you another text like a week later he's like hey thanks for sending her that text it's been tough behind the doors how many coming companies you think like there's companies that launder buddy and then there's companies that just forge like sexual training documents like you know what i mean oh yeah for sure yeah we can we all hey we're all chill yeah we did it i promise dude i remember because we took we we had to take that exam or like the

training while we were at summit and i remember reading the questions and answering oh dude you sent one of these so this is me this is after i quit after i hadn't been there yeah and i was like that's fucking hilarious dude the questions on the exam are so funny well what's funny i i i there are there are so many scenarios where it's like is it is it okay to tell like to walk up to your co-worker and tell them they have like nice breasts and then it's like yes or no and it's like what who I just I took the whole test and I was like who's struggling with this exam

there's something is she wearing a t-shirt that says ask me about my breasts that's a good point that's a good point does she have that t-shirt on

and then there's a follow up question that's like well is it okay now and then it shows the same one and they're like four times bigger

it's actually twelve questions and it's the same question but her they're like four times bigger. It's actually 12 questions, and it's the same question, but her breasts just get... Well, it's like, at that point, I'm just impressed. At that point, it's a compliment, right? You know what's funny is I literally forgot what I was going to say because it hurts so fucking much. That is funny. The exam also has really, really funny sketches that go along with some of the questions, too. Can I ask you a hypothetical that might be on it yeah sure okay like let's say is it okay if i were to say to you i'm gonna fuck you silly on that table yeah that yeah that's fly on the exam no usually that's that's rough needs more context needs more context give a shirt that says fucking silly on the table

the one behind me in the wax fuck me silly on this table. Yeah, fuck me silly. The one behind me in the wax display. Hey, Ludwig Ogren. Fuck me silly on this table. And then on the back of the shirt it says, no, really, please ask an interview. And under it says, here is my signature for real. This is like a legally binding contract.

That's the Austin Powers bitch. Is it okay to ask then, Ludwig? Is it okay? And you're not wearing pants. You're butt naked. That's the Austin Powers. He's like, Swedish penis enlargement,

that's not my bag, baby. Here's your book titled Swedish Penis Enlargement and other things are my bag, that's not my bag, baby. Here's your book titled Swedish Penis Enlargement and other things are my bag, baby. Are my bag, baby. Written by Austin Powers. Dude, that movie's so fucking good.

Dude, I found out that Mike Myers is American. No, he's Canadian. Canadian, bro. But he has a normal accent. How dare you steal that? Yeah, I didn't realize. You thought he was British.

Look. Yes. That's crazy. I thought he was British because Austin Powers and Shrek. If we can't fit every country in the Great World War, Canada would just be part of Yes. That's crazy. I thought he was British because Austin Powers and Shrek. If we can't fit every country in the Great World War, Canada would just be part of America.

Yeah, true. Everyone had to participate, but not everyone could have representation. Canada's joining America. Did you watch the same GQ interview or whatever? Yeah. And he was like, yeah, I was just doing my Shrek role,

and then I was like, maybe we should do an Irish accent. And I was like, how are you talking like this? It's Scottish by the way. He's a nice little spiel about the differences between Canadian and American culture and that that I really like. You guys just reminded me something that like a power

you lose when you hang out with non normies is you can't just like quote like a random Veritasium video like a thing you know about the world because all the nerds have already seen it and they're like yeah I watch Ver veritasium dude it's a big youtube channel but i go i go to thanksgiving with with the girlfriend's family and i'm saying so i'm saying you guys know what would happen if dude this looks like meat i'm sorry i didn't mean to interrupt no i'm i'm in

awe i'm actually this literally looks like you get it at the store yeah that's what i was gonna say this is what hangs upside down in the in the rack this looks like a get it at the store. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. This is what hangs upside down in the rack. This looks like a diagram in a science class of what the leg looks like. Yeah, go on. No, that's pretty much it. His pubes are hanging out. Look at the pubes hanging out. What was the quote?

Oh, is it? I thought it was Gooch hanging out. Where did pubes start and end? Yeah, where does Gooch start and the leg begin? This is the intro to to a vsauce video dude no where do pubes end i said aiden uh his video it was like a 40 minute video about how the ukrainian uh russia conflict is about natural resources and i was like banger and it's it's it's so dry this is what me and aiden do yeah it's just like it's like hey

check out this extremely informative and dry video about a world conflict dude you know okay so here's my new favorite type of youtube drama it's when these channels get into battles where where there's like a conflict in facts and they make like a reply video economics explained yeah somebody uh somebody made a reply video to a different video that real life lore had made about the uh about the california high speed speed rail network and i'm watching this video and at the beginning he's like he's like calling him discount wendover productions and shit and i'm like this is like educational channels going to bat, like train wreck unfollowing Ludwig. It's the small ant point crow of nerd.

Yeah. Dude, it's like when you... Except they all have way bigger followings because all these videos get like 5 million views, right? But they're not like the person or character in the video. It's like when all the cool kids watch the nerds rap battle at the lunch line. Everyone crowds around and thinks it's hype. God, I hated rap battles.

Growing up in Colorado in Mountain, Colorado, everyone's a DJ and they're a rap battler and they're so fucking lame because you can tell what they've already been cooking up for like four years in high school

and they bust it out and their one friend is like, oh! Yo, I got a gun so big though. I wish they were funny. I do have disdain for a college porch freestyle. Dude, we just introduced Aiden to Asher Roth today.

Yeah, we just showed Aiden to Asher Roth. Yeah, and that was really funny. Don't pass out with your shoes on, by the way. Dude, a friend of ours who I literally can't name because I'm bound by an agreement. So if you don't know who that is or the songs he's made, listening to the one song was kind of like putting my head through. I was talking to Dawson.

Last night was awfully crazy i was talking to dawson and we were talking about sage m because he we think he's great and i was telling him like oh sage has got bad knees remember that for the future if we gotta run up on him which is true oh yeah he told us why he had bad knees at the event he used to be a wrestler and he used to coach wrestling and he looks like mr beast uh in person which is really funny and uh so he kind of does he does. He kind of does. Yeah, he kind of does. He's right.

I don't know. I think you're a cat. I guess I only know his profile picture. That was the biggest grunt yet, I think. It really hurts on the legs. That's what I thought would happen, yes. So I was saying that... Dawson, me and him talking,

and Tasty Steve is like the co-commentator for Say Jam a lot. They do a lot of events together and they're like a duo and uh we have a friend who really doesn't like uh tasty steve's commentary right there and uh and we it's always so funny because he's like he's fine like tasty steve is like at the worst like like just kind of mild but at the best he's like really really great and there's no reason for this friend to hate him uh or hate his commentary i think he thinks he's fine and uh and we were like dude dawson was like dude you can't listen to this guy who was our friend he's like he likes asher roth

and i was like no fucking way and i've known this guy for years and we play video games all the time he's be so mad and i'm like and i was like that is insane and then dawson messaged him he's like hey asking in no particular reason at all do you like asher roth like you talked about you know you're into him and he's like yeah and he screenshots and sends me the conversation like i can't handle this right now i literally i feel like i'm being betrayed by a friend oh well my friend though she would never betray me but i don't get why you're mad he just likes college but no i and then i'm immediately going in our discord with our friends i'm immediately about

to at this person and be like i thought i knew you bro and i'm just like it's so lame and dawson is immediately like wait a minute the conversation with him has just turned earnest you are not allowed to roast him for three weeks. Yeah. There's a cool down. You can't just hit back to back. So then he just brought it up

on the podcast. Yeah, but I didn't say who, so it could be anybody. Everyone who's in the Discord you were going to roast him in knows. It could be anybody. It could be anyone at all. And that person would out themselves

if they admitted it. And maybe they should come forward. So I'll see you in three weeks. Anyway, Asher Roth, it's insane that that song exists i fucking hate that guy man i love homework thinking about the kids bought version of college would be i love math class yo i was just at this and i had the teacher completely naked i don't know that's that's cool shooting drill last night was awfully crazy yeah yeah you know look with a miscellaneous fucking tiktokers they loving's not a part of it oh yeah dude oh yeah they bust out that one yo shouts out wait that's a real thing that people deal with and i like bringing up social commentary

yeah you're really where you're just your evil little friends that that that held that held poor small bean ludwig captive and that you we don't you won't you don't make the jokes but we kind of scripted that joke and made him say that i'm a hero you guys are right everything you're saying is correct anyway to all content creators you know what actually i am a bad influence i found out oh yeah even though i have not been paid to gamble the gamble story from the gamble guy in Vegas. That was so dude. Everyone wanted to know about that.

Everyone wanted to know about it. And it was, it was hot news. And, uh, and I got, I got word from one guy in particular who's in Vegas. Uh,

and he ran into gamble. Whoa. Through like, like hanging out at like a, like some party. the guy was like want to hear my spongebob he figured out no he figured out because he's a yard watcher he's like wait are you no way the guy was like yeah i am and so this guy and his fucking five friends who are in vegas for like you know whatever reason guys go to vegas scrounge together a thousand

bucks amongst all of them. All the money they had brought to gamble. That's like me and Miles at Evo. Yeah, exactly like that. That's just us three years ago. And they give it to the guy. They give him all his money. And he's telling me this story

because he tells me on stream and I'm like, dude, this is bad. This is bad that you're giving a grand figure. Well, if you're honest already, it's not like you're not gambling. Hold on, did they win? Well, boy, Nick, do I have a little tale for you. He goes to blackjack with the money.

This is one gold chip, by the way, or 10 blacks. Which is like, okay, you know, I... That's like paying someone to wash your car and they take it to a drive-thru car wash. Yeah. I could have done that. But he spins that shit up to six racks.

Dude, I have never turned a grand to six in my life. He had it at 13k at one point. That is crazy. And then they went down. I'm scared to say this now because then people I feel like are going to go. They're going to be asking around.

Hey, do Spongebob real quick. Do Spongebob. They're just going to be asking everyone. It's not the guy. It's not the guy. They have the audio from the yard of the Spongebob that doesn't match up. He's like, hey, what would you say is a place you would work if you lived under the sea?

I like the idea of there's a bunch of different guys like this in Vegas and they all have a different cartoon character call sign. Dude, I bet the Patrick guy is so good at betting on horses. Yeah. And anyway, don't go on your pilgrimage to Vegas to go give your money to Gamble Guy. I'm going to Vegas in a few weeks. Are you?

Yeah. Or whenever. I can't remember the date. I think it's the weekend coming up, actually. I'm waiting for someone to lose all their money, so I will link you with Gamble Guy

because he has to lose. Eventually, Nick, because Nick has always historically caught the tail, the ass end of our gambling adventures. I'm on the up and up, though.

In Arizona, I was clean, bro. Aiden was me. Aiden's the new me because he wasn't around for the times. Become me. So Aiden's the new me.

I just want to quote, I realized how much I miss Miles because I messaged him because there's a Doug Polk tweet about like, because WSOP is going

on right now so it's like 30 days of like a shitload of poker events. Cash game, or like tournament stuff and all this stuff and then it's the main event

that happens in July which is like a 10k buy-in it's like thousands of people play and Doug Polk made this tweet where he was like, you know, it's kind of like i miss the old days like no one was buying a piece of your action no one was like doing vlogs they just like went to vegas to take a shot at the good life and see what happened you know and i was like oh that kind of feels that reminds me of melee you know like genesis like you just taking a trip with the boys and maybe you you really got

what it takes i sent that to miles and he was like he just instantly says yeah you know you just show up and you win eight eight coin flips in a row and become the chosen undead and i'm like he just said that immediately like his his ability to just like just say the funniest thing contemporary is man i i feel like i'm always behind and this is a bit of introspection right now that's all i'm not trying to be funny no look you're so far into this pain right now that you're allowed to be introspective every time i i hung out with miles and like when i lived with him i was like this guy's just ahead of me on being quick and i never felt like i caught up ever i love that love that australian pilgrimage i love that c word also we are alex is not that big compared to me the camera angle made him seriously look like a character yeah yeah character. He is. It was fucked up.

I look like a tiny little guy. You are. You are. I'm going to fucking go to him in Oz and I'm going to stand next to him and be like, take this fucking picture right now. He's way fucking bigger than you. He is considerably taller than you. But he's not as big as he appeared in the podcast episode.

People are going to take that photo. They're going to Photoshop him slightly larger than you. Just slightly more large. And then that's going to be the one that everyone sees. Yeah. I did like that. It's like the fucking ninja. You ever see that picture of Ninja where he accidentally goes live and he looks depressed

and his eyes are red. Ben Stiller. No, no, no. What's his name? The guy in the mummy. Brendan Fraser. The Brendan Fraser pic. It's hyper edited.

It's hyper edited. Like the actual video of him. He just looks like kind of tired. Yeah. You know, it doesn't look great. But then everybody knows. edited it's hyper edited like the actual video of him he just looks like kind of tired yeah you know it doesn't look great but then everybody knows everybody knows that picture and it's just fake yeah this is like when uh when hugs is wiki his photo was just his forehead was slightly larger and his eyes were slightly bigger yeah they were slightly far apart yeah yeah yeah like anna taylor joy who was beautiful you can't% tell if it's Photoshopped, but it just feels off.

What he got for one of the summits was they kept Photoshopping on the summit couch, smaller and smaller. Yeah. Compared to Arbada or whoever was next to him. And yeah, he looked like a little toy. Dude, I saw Huggs at Summit. I walked up and I was like... You know how Huggs is on his shit right now where he's just like... He's like dressing in fits. And he's like posting about his fits.

Yeah. And I walked up and I immediately, it was like, like, oh dude, I'm so excited to be here to buy a Hyundai from you today. It's so awesome. Oh yes. And he was like, he was like, he looks down on himself. He looks back. He's like, I don't look like a Hyundai dealer.

And I started laughing because he's like, no, I'm not. You don't, if you, you should never have to say that. Yeah. And then, and then about two and a half hours later, I'm playing Melee with Zane and he's behind me. He's like, no, I'm not. You don't. If you you should never have to say that. Yeah. And then and then about two and a half hours later, I'm playing Melee with Zayn. He's behind me. He's watching. And I kind of pause. I turn around.

He's like, I don't look like one. He's still thinking about it. And I'm like, following you for two hours. I just haven't noticed. And he keeps muttering. Oh, poor guy. I'm so sorry. You're like, no, I don't want the warranty.

I'm fine. Actually, the launchers washed now. Dude. Oh, my God. Because he will, what's he going to say about hugs? He, I forget. I'm in too much pain.

Go on. You look, you look, I want to, I want to lick. When I hit, I want to slap your thigh. When she hit, when she hit one of the first leg ones, I was in so much pain,

my hearing started to go. Whoa. Has that ever happened to you guys? You got tonight. Yeah. This happens in two ways. You either, you're in a lot of pain or you nut

extremely hard and you like almost pass out. Has that ever happened to you guys? Or it's the entrance to like a Call of Duty animation and a grenade goes off.

Yeah. And it goes. Yeah. It's what Call of Duty depicts shell shock like. runs by. Yeah.

Yeah. Those are the three times that happens. Has that ever happened to you guys? Where I nut so hard I can't hear. Yeah.

You just kind of get lightheaded and you're like. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I don't hear? Yeah, you just kind of get lightheaded and you're like... Yeah. Yeah, okay. I don't go through shell shock. I just don't want to be crazy. Like a couple times.

I just don't want to be... Yeah, no, it's not common. I just don't want to feel like I'm crazy. Kind of a... We need to get you a life alert, bro. Like a Dunkirk nut. We need to get a life alert around your neck. A life alert?

Yeah. I nut so hard I need a life alert? I think slime's fucking tonight. Let's make sure we all have our phones on. Lana, will his next shower be painful? Yeah, well his... No? Okay.

Shower is good. Shower is good. Cool. Not cold, okay? Not cold. Cool. Cool, not cold. Lana!

She said I had to do this. She said I had to do this. Yeah, so the Mr. Beast video, it was like two military military guys they were one-on-one amazing race style and then every section of the video was a different obstacle and the reason i was there is in case mr beast didn't beat them to the next obstacle because they're racing to get there there oh there was like an influencer there just to intro like and explain to the viewers what's happening and to the people who are coming on today. I think,

and I would argue that that is your good fit for, like, host talent. Yeah, I think so. I'm better, but you're great.

No, you're right. Oh, really? Yes, really. You would have done better than me at the

Amaranth Streamer Royale flop event. You would one-take Jake like I would in that video. I just don't think. It's not that big of a deal, man.

I'm so mad at Ludwig for that. So like one of the first ones was crazy. They invited Hacksaw from Canada. They drove them down. Hacksaw is ready.

Is that a wax bit? Are you fucking kidding me? A fucking seven-year-old boy? No, I know what's for bone saw is ready. I know where it's from. I hate you so much. Is that for the movie too, guys?

I wish you had Asher Roth. I wish you had Culture Lillian. That's why I hate you so much. That party last night. That's what bone sauce says right after. Yeah. That's what Sam Raimi cut. So that's who they invited.

They made a lightsaber and then they had to like break a safe. And that's like just one of the obstacles uh and then that was the whole thing but i think it flopped because like one i think i brought it up on the podcast last time they didn't one of the events on the way like fail or giant it was a giant target and it was made of vinyl and it just fucking ripped all the way in half and so then they brought out a car as backup this is like one of the things so both teams are there they're like okay we'll shoot this car with a cannon it'll be hype crazy that's on standby

yeah yeah unbelievable they parked the car like 150 feet away the cannon like two feet it just basically like falls out that's so funny so and so it's like really underwhelming and they just did whoever was closest but it was like like a hundred feet still from the car yeah and so they just went to the next obstacle uh and then the last one they were supposed to fight a sumo wrestler it's the fattest sumo wrestler in like all of japan the heaviest dude they brought him out here he doesn't speak don't say the fattest say the best no he wasn't the best he was literally the heaviest best the best of being the best of being the heaviest they brought

him there doesn't speak a word of English they to be one him which apparently is ultimate disrespect which he lost instantly because he just had a he had the coordinates in his butt

crack the coordinates yeah because it was every obstacle had the coordinates to the next okay that's crazy because I have that right now and that's the secret end of the episode that's what

Lana's gonna find it and they're just gonna find the treasure end of the episode. Yeah, that's where Lana's going to find it and she's going to find the treasure where you hide your hair. Put a sucker. Oh, that one's for you. Lana's fee is in my butt. Just wax your way out. It's in my wallet. I have it. Ow! He's going harder on purpose now.

getting the good treatment letting out some trade secrets Lana is making it so it hurts less for me. Although, if you asked me that, I wouldn't have known. But I do appreciate it. And I think you're doing a great job because I look like a turkey. You look like a turkey, dude. Oh, God. Yeah, you look like Beyond Meat right now.

That's a shame about the MrBeast video. Well, good news. I'm invited to a new shoot. Oh, what are we doing? This one. What are we doing? Where are we going? What are we doing?

Where's your smooth bear going now? Yeah. I can fly next to the plane. What do we have for us? Yeah, he's going to tar slime and then we're going to

try to shoot him like a target. Like that Mario Party 2 minigame where you have an arrow. I'll go so far for you this hurts to put the wax on by the way

this is gonna really really hurt I'll go so far for you hey we're in the canon we're talking man this new video he made

the chocolate factory one I was blown away cause the main the main draw is clearly that he's recreated this incredible thing from like a book or a movie that we've all

that people have like for generations talked about recreating almost as like a joke yeah right and now he's and now he's finally done it and not advertised in the thumbnail or the title at all is that the end of the video just has gordon ramsay in it for like a full five minutes that's how that's how money mr beast is yeah yeah one of the most the most famous chef in the world is in like a few minutes of the video and it's not important to it at all. He's like, yeah, this is my side, bitch.

Dude, Gorda looks thick these days. Yeah, because he's eating all the food. Yeah, because Gorda's in his 60s, bro. He always wears like a medium shirt like he's a young footballer that shows off his entire curve. Dude, he looks fine for his age. Sure.

I bet his hair comes off like a Lego. Yeah. Dude, his hair reminds me we saw this uh when we were in florida for the amaranth event we saw this crazy souped up yellow truck it's one of those ones that they've replaced the wheels with like monster truck wheels right and on the back you know how like you know there's the fucking like blue line blue flag blue lives matter flag and uh you know how a lot of those cars, they'll rep the Punisher logo?

So this dude- All right, we're with you. This dude has the Punisher logo on the truck, but then the Punisher logo has Trump's toupee on it. And I was like, damn, that kind of goes crazy. Yeah, that shit is crazy. I like when people have stickers to signify and you know driving by, this guy is a hero and a patriot.

Yeah. This guy is a true American. Thank God. Oh, by the way, Joshie really wants that tattoo. Oh, we do have to get him a tattoo. We got to do it before he goes. Yeah, that's true. He leaves in, dude, he leaves in two days.

He leaves the day after tomorrow. Can we get a pyramid tattoo? He's going to Canada. Yeah, he said he leaves on Wednesday. Can we get a pyramid tattoo in two days? We got to try to squeeze it in before then. Wait, is he going straight home from Canada? Can we get a pyramid tattoo tomorrow He's going to Canada. Yeah, he said he leaves on Wednesday. So we get a pyramid tattoo in two days. We gotta try to squeeze it in before then. Wait, is he going straight

home from Canada? Can we get a pyramid tattoo tomorrow? Yeah. Ouchie, ouchie, ouchie. Right here, ouchie. Dude, you're so smooth and sweaty.

Have you ever... Yeah, look at this. Okay. We get into the... Look, Archie, you're gonna have a fucking field day censoring this episode. You're gonna have to be have to be really careful looks like a baby coming out of

a womb right now you're so sweaty slime on me yeah the placenta oh yeah i and i want to keep it and i want to keep your placenta i'll eat it we'll eat it you guys together you gotta fry it up adam regoose oh don't here's why I season my placenta not my pan. Good one. Meanwhile, Bingeing with Babish. We're going to put the placenta in the saucepan. I call it placenta. The placenta. Oh, I wanted to know

what's my one thing? What's my one thing? I have a one thing. I was right in the topic channel. I can't talk about that one until next week. What's my one thing? Oh, dude. I have a one thing. Oh, I forgot about this. Slime was right in the topic channel. I want to hear that shit. I can't talk about that one until next week. Okay. But, dude, Aiden's one thing.

I was dying laughing at this. So, y'all know Zipper, too. Very kind, very sweet. We would never say a mean thing about anyone. She's great. We're driving. We're driving out of nowhere. We're coming home from our trip. Out of nowhere, she goes,

Aiden has one thing. I start laughing. I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, don't tell him this. I'm like, what? Of course I'm going to tell him. Of course I'm going to tell him. She's like,

sometimes Aiden and Will were all hanging out, and he'll let out a toot, but he won't say anything. And he just does it, and it's loud, and he just doesn't say anything. And I was like, he does that all the time. And I've noticed this so many times. Every time I think, he's so weird for not acknowledging that he has loudly farted in a social setting.

No. Kill yourself. Here's why. This is why every time i get mad at you is because it's always you not having shame about things and i realized i thought about this the other day like i love it and he's my friend i love him i'll always love him he's my bear but when you're soft little hairless bear who's hairless like you he's a smooth bear is is i get mad because i expect you to have shame

about things because that's what makes us human did you know that you have no shame about your farts either i don't have shame i have pride and that's different he has an absence of shame but also an absence of pride that's true but that makes him even less human because he it's called the super ego bro freud figured this out while he's beating off to his mom. Okay? Do you think that it's weird now being confronted by your friends about how you do this? No, because this is an evolution in my behavior over the years

because I did not used to be like this. I used to make a large effort to either hold it in or to, I guess, own it. Not even an excuse me. Are we ready? Yeah, and the better path now is I guess, own it. Not even an excuse me. We ready? Yeah, and the better path now is I just let it slide. Wait, what's weird, though,

is I think if you burped, you would say excuse me. Not around you guys. Oh, but around Zipper 2. Oh, yeah, around probably... Zipper 2... She's a dandelion of a person. Zipper 2 has drawn sonic the hedgehog

pornography and I do not need to say excuse me you know what this is cancel culture because you mess up one time in your life and then everyone's

talking about it you fuck up one time spending three hours drawing graphic sonic pornography that's right and they hold it against you forever

and that's your reputation now and that is her reputation we used to be a country I don't care about her accolades

we used to be a goddamn country. How about you sit your white ass down and listen when we tell you about Asher Roth. We tell you about Asher Roth. We tell you about farting in public. You're never receptive. Wait, do you do this around me?

Okay. Are you offended? I'm just saying I've never seen it and I feel like my alpha power is too strong. I probably crack this one at least once every two weeks. In front of me? So it's relatively—it happens in front of you sometimes. Oh, you're saying it happens once every two weeks in general. Yeah, in general.

So sometimes it does happen in front of you. Why don't you say anything? Why don't you make a fun of joke about it? Or you just let this poor woman sit there in your stink. Okay, so you know why I don't make a joke around it? You know why I don't make a joke about it around you? Is because my toots are small.

He doesn't feel man enough. They don't really stack up against you. With him, it would be hypocritical. It would be hypocritical if you found them funny and you made a joke. Because he complains about it. Because you can't complain when he does it. But I also don't think mine are funny. It's just like, oh, damn, that one.

Yeah, it's fine. I got lame farts. You got funny farts. They are very, they're not small enough to be like funny where it's like, you're like LMAO.

I think I would hate it if you both were people who like making jokes about your farts and start farting. Like it's the intro to Tropic Thunder and you're both Jack Black

and you're the farty fartinsons. Are you talking about Robert Downey Jr.? No, it's Jack Black at the intro of it. He plays multiple characters who all fart. Oh, I see what you're saying. They're all jr no it's jack black at the intro of it he plays multiple characters who all fart oh i see you're saying they're all different people and that's you and aiden if you both are into that so i'm glad you don't yeah i mean if i had another me it'd be a little wild in the house yeah it'd be terrible also let me ask you ludwig you so things you

may not know this about ludwig all you bears out there he hates getting hot it's being warm me too me too i'm remember remember when we were looking at the house that we live in or that you guys live in now uh and we were driving around it was really hot and he was probably the most pissy i ever saw him because it was really really hot in cutie's car and we just like we had to like stop and turn on the ac and he was just like not having. He was throwing a fit. Were you throwing a fit? I remember that because when my friends throw fits,

I'm like, well, I don't want to get him hot anymore. He's a little hot there. You're like me. He makes me irritable. It's really hot right now. How are you guys doing?

I'm doing all right. I'm thinking about it every couple seconds. I'm a little sweaty, but it's mostly good. How about you guys take off your shirts and join me in the parade?

I don't think that would make me feel better. When I was a young boy. What was that? My father. We're going to learn about that in the sexual harassment course, by the way. Where you don't ask people to take their shirts off. Whoa, that one looks like it was painful.

You see his leg over there? Yeah, it's marked. Dude, they're all painful. I know, but that one's marked specifically. Surely not all of them. Oh, dude. What are you laughing about? I guess I just read one of the topics I put down.

So Slime moved out. We talked about it last episode. And we made Slime's room another guest room. And Nick Allen stayed in it. And he showered in your shower. And you left a few things behind. Oh, dude. He told me about this.

Yeah. And so he's like, I'm like, is everything good in the room? He's like, yeah, it's all great. But Slime has weird stuff in his bathroom. And like, I'm going to check. And he has like tar shampoo. Yeah.

Yeah. It looks like you, it looks like you took an empty shampoo bottle and filled it in like the oil sands. Yeah. So it's like Neutrogena, like tar, something shampoo. It's very,

it's very, it smells like tires and it's very hardcore. It's like, it's really good for your scalp. You tires and it's very hardcore it's like it's really good for your scalp you're not supposed to use it a lot but i got it when i started shaving my head and i was like well you know scalp care which i do i lotion my head and shit it's a good thing it smells like tires because it looks like if it's solidified that's what tires are made of yeah it does look like a melted tire for the four-in- one shampoo conditioner motor oil yeah but he he messaged me on slack

and he was like yo what the fuck is that shit that i put in my head i do love because we all message nick allen on discord and slack so the fact that it's on slack directly implies that that this is business this is serious yeah i don't know how many hair hair years nick allen had left but it went down no no i said it's good for your hair no which it is wait you think i don't know how many hair years Nick Allen had left, but it went down. No, no, I said it's good for your hair. No. Which it is. You think I don't know shit about what's keeping hair. I go down to the La Brea Tar Pits,

and I get my head involved. You're telling me that's good for me. Yes. If you see some road construction, and you put your hand on the ground, and then run it through your fucking silky mane, you're good for a year. Noted.

But yeah, also, the fucking, someone posted on the subreddit, ever since Ludwig went to the Angels game, they have lost like 11 games in a row. Really? Yeah. What, you're happy?

No, I'm not happy at all. Like someone posted the record and it was extremely funny. It was like two weeks ago. I just bought popcorn. I talked to the leprechaun with the coin. I don't know what I could have done. Yeah.

It's the curse of Ludwig, okay? It is the Ludwig curse. So maybe that helped out too. You're sure to come off. Joe and Iotani, if you're listening, you give me season tickets, I go back.

I know the curse gets lifted. Yeah. Hold it. Withhold it from them. I'm withholding it from you all. I like that. Baseball lovers. listening you give me season tickets i go back i you know the curse gets lifted yeah hold it withhold it from them i'm withholding it from you all i like that baseball lovers my guilty pleasure right now by the way after talking so much shit about baseball on the podcast and on the patreon episodes has been watching john boy videos like a lot he's great i mean john boy's the goat yeah i still hate baseball you're saying john was john boy Bois? John Boy. Or John Boy. John Boy.

Who does the lip reading. The lip reading. Not lip reading. And the breakdowns. The breakdowns. Yeah. Yeah. That's why my breakdown videos go to charity.

John Bois made the E equals MC vagina video. I heard his videos are great. I just haven't watched them. Also, have you watched my video? My breakdown of the handshake at Smash World Tour? Yeah. Yeah, model after that. You like that shit?

You know what's fucked up? Yeah, it's a great video. You're following my footsteps. You're following dad's footsteps. Yeah, model after that. You like that shit? You know what's fucked up? Yeah, it's a great video. You're following my footsteps. You're following dad's footsteps. No, no, that's not true because you've never made anything quite like Quincy Boyce. No, no, no.

No hair. I don't see hair there. He's following my footsteps because I want... Oh, it's time for cock and ball? Oh, oh, wow. Are you guys hot? Yeah.

I'm hot. You guys hot? Real quick. Oh, wow. Are you guys hot? Yeah. I'm hot. You guys hot? Real quick. Take these off. We're about to do it. I'm going to take my shorts off. Yeah. And we're going to do the...

How are we going to subject Archie to this? The craziest part. But I just wanted to ask you, Ludwig, how am I following in your footsteps? Because I don't see you fucking greased up like this. Okay, well, not this part. All right. So I've carved my own path. Bald and wild.

I'm talking specifically about YouTubers that you like watching. Johnboy, me, I watched first. Adam Ragusea, me, I watched first. You're just finding out. And then he messaged me a fucking video from Drew Gooden. Yeah, it was like, this guy's funny. Tom Brady won.

You liked a Drew Gooden video? Yeah, why? That's crazy. I think I'm surprised by that. I think I'm surprised. That seems like a guy that you would be mad at. Yeah, I watched a Tom Brady video, and I thought his timing was good, and his cuts were good. I think he cuts a little too quick and stuff, but I had some notes, Drew.

But I thought it was great. It was great. I thought it was great. What the fuck? You think I'm an evil guy? No. I hate streamers. I don't think you're evil. I just it was great. What the fuck? You think I'm an evil guy? No. I hate streamers. I don't think you're evil.

I just think you are walking in the footsteps of the YouTubers I like. So anyway, the next few for you, just so you know, is going to be AirRack, Ben Shapiro,

Steven Crowder. He's so loud. Jordan Peterson. These are my big, you're going to love these guys too. These are the elite four of the Pokemon universe

that is YouTube. Because it is about changing his mind. I feel like he could change his mind. Yeah, Brazilian. All right, so let's just take him off. All right, here we go. The rest of the podcast will likely be with this camera angle. So how's it going?

How do you think California sexual harassment laws handles this? I don't know if you... Maybe we could do a bit, not a lot. I think we just put a big sensor. The big sensor is fine. That's what I'm saying. The multiple choice question on the test where it's like if your

co-worker is getting a Brazilian in front of you and you're part of the activity, then... It doesn't help that it's so hot oh dude your penis this is so funny this is so funny

why is it so gray your penis like I laughed Jan has to look down the barrel of the gun that's one thing that's one thing Zippers has the day off

by the way Jan is here I've never thought about is that when you when you keep your foreskin your penis stays stays nice and

red full of color yeah like a dog like it should but yeah my dick got some miles you got a dull penis it looks like aged meat it looks like a winco stick bro i got some miles on it bro also i got a nice i got a nice pink little tip this This was a bit in literally episode one of Workaholics. Like, why is your dick so tan? Yeah, yeah. And I was like, ah, yes. The tan dick. My brotherhood.

I also, so there's a, I have a mole on my dick. Let's not do a science experiment. Do you want to see the mole? Do you want to see the mole? I don't want to see your mole. I want to see the mole. I want to see the mole. Lana's busy.

Lana's busy. All right. And when you accepted the job did you think you would see this no right i feel so bad too because i like showered and like i i like really cleaned my entire body i was like this this person this professional is gonna have to touch my most private parts and then it just we had to turn off the ac because of the power surge and it just got so sweaty oh so you've got swamp pick now i just feel like a sweaty guy oh my god that looks like it is going to be this looks like it's gonna be bad dude bad now yeah can i ask you a question do you think that it is okay in the workplace for someone to ask you to look at someone else's penis

yan yan has yan has the god angle right now, if I may. Oh, spread wider for Yan. Dude, if you spread much wider, Yan is going to see God. Because Yan's also getting butt. Yan gets butt. Yan's going to get everything. That's great.

You have such a bald penis. I feel like this is really going to hurt or it's not going to hurt at all. She said it was the most painful if that makes you feel better. Yeah, do whatever you feel is necessary. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, whatever you got to do.

Whatever is best. You never turned that one on, right? I don't know how to... No. You want it on, bud? I don't care. It's up to you guys. You should try to hit the...

I care most about what she is like, you know. I don't know what she's trying to do. Right before she pulls, you should try to hit the high note and take me on. Scared? Yeah. I would be scared if I was you. This is the first part of it

where I'm like, yeah, I wouldn't want this to happen to me. But here's the thing about you that you don't share with Slime. He could be sleeping in a closet and he wouldn't mind. You could never, Aiden. You got a little fan on it. You don't think I could sleep in a closet? Not like this guy.

The only reason I have a bed frame is because you built it for me. I am a hero. I'm ready. Oh, man. This is so crazy. I want to play the song from 2001 Space Odyssey where the monkeys figure out fire.

This is... You want me to hold your hand? Deep breaths. Can you tell the audio listeners where is this going right now? This is on the left side. Underneath is where my butt cheek and like beneath my balls meet uh and taint it's well it's like the left side of the taint the inner thigh and um yeah it's crazy it's crazy that this is whoo just what i'd like to take this moment to say thank you to our patrons who who made sure we got here. Thank you all. Oh my god.

Oh my god. It caught. I'm good. It's about the pilot, not the plane. Amen. Do you think Tom Cruise has gotten his balls waxed? 100%. Of course. It's part of the Scientology Regiment. He'd do anything

for a role, actually. And then there's one big strip. He does his own stunts. There's a producer who's like, we have a guy and we're going to

shave his balls for the scene in the movie where he uses his ball hair and he goes, no. I've been growing him out for 17 years. I'll do the waxing myself, too.

There's like a GQ video about him talking about his most thought out roles and he's like, yeah, I climbed the Burj Khalifa. I hung off the side of that plane and I got my balls waxed. Okay, this one is interesting to me

because this is on your penis. Yeah, so this is actually going up the shaft and sort of the base in the left area again. This one, I don't, because penis skin is loose. I don't. It is loose because it's hard to do a clean pull. Maybe for you. It's also for you to be clear.

It's soft right now. You're the one with wax it's soft right now. You're the one with wax on your dick right now. If I had a bun right now, you guys would be so impressed, by the way. Dude, if you could pot kidding, my shit looks gorgeous. I feel like Lon is better judged than us.

Oh my god. For a moment, for like three frames of my life, I forgot there was wax. So I just saw her pull yellow stuff out of her butt. Just like pulling out hair raw. Yeah, I was like, whoa. Yeah, so we usually do the Gooch area without any wax.

He just has like a hive of bees in his asshole. They're pulling out the honey. Dude, kicking hoss, kicking hoss. This is so crazy. Dude, I do not want to... Oh, you don't want to do this? Oh, so you don't want to join the Marines? You don't want to join the Marines?

It's actually about me now. Shout out to the sponsor of the podcast kids bop yeah hey there's another one on the spreadsheet for ludwig making that joke by the way uh influencers hey uh no i was gonna make a sponsored joke no free press no free press wow uh i've been playing a lot of war zone have you yeah i've been playing i'm addicted to war solo uh no i played in full squads dude No free press. Wow. I haven't played a lot of Warzone. Dude. Have you? Yeah, I haven't played it. I'm addicted to Warzone. Oh, solo? No, I played in full squads, dude.

With who? The boys? I played with Ryan. I played with Steve. I was thinking about this. Who is Steve? Oh, this is my balls. Steve is a...

Steve will do it from now. Steve is the DP director of Ludwig's car explosion shoot. Or DP, sorry. He's a DP director and he was a DP on that. Dan was the director. It's funny because he's actually very good at Warzone. It's funny because a lot of times...

Oh! Oh! Oh! Is it over? Is that one over? That one's off. Oh my god. So I...

Just to recap this. Look at how much I got on the shirt. Lana put a bunch of wax on the shaft. Don't be emotional. welcome to Jackass. Oh my god, it's so gross.

Dude, there's so much hair left. Dude, oh my fucking god. Oh, fuck. So he had... It looks like I left a gusher under my shoe for a year. Dude, that is gross. She got a fucking big mouth bass. Lana, hold it up.

God damn it. It's crazy because Lana's ripping it so like, you rip it so like powerfully, and then you hold it up like a kid with her drawing. Like so pridefully, and it's awesome. You're doing great. This is kind of like... Yeah, exactly.

You're doing a fantastic job, by the way. It's just so funny because it's his penis. Doing the greatest job ever. It's kind of like what it would sound like if you were crowning, I feel like. This is going to be such an intense feeling that you experience. You'll never be able to come again. That's not true. It's going to take away all...

You try me, bro. By the way, I have a thing for you. What's that? I got a thing. Like zipper two at a thing for Aiden. Oh, what's my thing? I got your thing. You got some things. Oh, heavy cream when you make fucking pasta sauce? Kill yourself. That's not

normal. He's in a fragile state right now. You buy that shit every single time and then eight ones stack up in the fridge. That part's rational. That part's rational. None of that is the thing. I've been rational. The thing is how you are now mean to Ders, the older cat in the house, now that Coots

is around. Look, look. Mean is a strong word. No. Because we got the new cat, Coots, who's very cute, who I've milked for five YouTube videos. God bless your heart, Coots. God damn. And then Ders will be walking around minding his own business it's been a bit of a hard transition

you'll talk some shit because derz is like not so fond and then and then nick will see derz and go uh how's it going he has washed up old guy in the house huh oh shit not doing so hot anymore oh what's up it's cat two yeah uh cat with a number remember when we used to love you doesn't happen anymore, huh? You saw me and Durs on the big joke. I did.

Being mean to Durs is really funny right now. No, it's not. Because he's so sulky. He's so salty about it. So he needs support and you guys are being mean. I'm nice to him.

You've made jokes and I've heard them and I called you out when you did it. That's true. But I also call him cat man. Yeah, that part's good. You do that to all animals.

Minters are working through some stuff right now. Well, he doesn't fucking love you. Not anymore. Because it's impossible for anyone to love you for too long.

That's true. That tiny little fan. Say it twice for the people in the back. It's impossible for anyone to love you. His tiny, tiny, tiny little dick fan

that is giving us a little bit of a, both a breeze and an odor. It's making my day so much better. Dude, think about it. We are just getting... Wait.

Oh, you're such a beast, bro. We are getting air... Women do this... It looks like an abazawa. Women do this all the time. Yeah. Well, I feel like... Okay, that's good.

Okay, I got it. The most hurting part, I just got it because I'm a champion and a veteran. You are a champion. I'm with you. They should make a Memorial Day for people who get waxed. Look, I'm gonna... You guys want me to set this fan up for us? I could do that. I'm a champion and a veteran. You are a champion. I'm with you. They should make a Memorial Day for people who get waxed.

Look, you guys want me to set this fan up for us? I could do that. I'm all right. If you need it, I can... Maybe we should have to suffer a little bit. Look, I'm just saying, I feel a lot better with my shirt off. I think it's funny that we're getting air

that blows through his dick before it hits us. Yeah, at the very least. We're definitely getting little wax and dick particles. No one smelled your dick more than us today. You're welcome. Other days. The gooch is now being administered. Oh, God.

Administered? He sounds like Coyote Peterson. That's death. About to get stung. That's death. I want to say. Dude, Coyote Peterson, but he only gets stung in the balls. Coyote Peterson is getting his asshole waxed.

Oh, my God. I hate seeing my friend faggoty. Peterson is getting his asshole lost. Oh my God. I hate seeing my friend faggoty. I thought it would be funny. No, it's not funny. This is not cool. This is the last one.

Is it? You got it all? That hair is gross. Oh, fuck me, dude. That hurts so fucking bad. Have you seen Coyote Peterson slime?

He's a fellow brother because he's bald. He'd like Coyote Peterson. Wait, we don't have to censor anything if I just crop on his face. You're fine. Yeah, let's do that. So Coyote Peterson's a fellow brother because he's like coyote peterson wait we don't have to censor anything if i just crop on his face you're fine yeah yeah let's do that so coyote peterson's a guy whose content is getting stung by like the more and more painful insects yeah so he'll be like i'm coyote peterson and this is the hornet wasp going in for uh like wild boys yeah yeah but like much more

scientific but he's approaching it from a very scientific perspective yeah and i feel like that's what you're like when you announce it's on your gooch and she's going for the tear. Yeah, that's my Adam Ragusea. And he very scientifically will explain the pain. He's like, I can feel it right now scorching through my arm. There's a numbness to it. And that's you. This is more of a body high, this type of whack.

Oh, man. I want to see you swim or something after this. I want to see you. I'd be so fast. I want to throw you down a slip and slide. I'd be so fast. Dude, yes. Have you ever waxed a swimmer, like an athlete?

Yeah, I do. Mostly like cosmetic. They swim faster. Oh, yeah. Dude, let's race after this. On foot or swimming? On foot. Irrelevant to the hair. Oh, yeah. Dude, let's race after this. On foot or smoky, bro? Smoky is so good. On foot.

Irrelevant to the hair. Oh, smoky. Smooth bear. Smoky. I do want to do that as a yard special. We do a foot race? I want to do a one-mile race. Oh, one mile is so different.

I want to run a mile and see who's the fastest, who's the slowest. Aiden is like... Aiden wins the mile. Literally, he's moving his body like a cocky asshole right now because he thinks he's going to win. Yeah, he has a cocky face all right now. He did long distance running.

He's not going to beat me. I will win. What is your fastest mile time? It's not even a conversation. Fastest mile time of three. Fastest mile time of three. Aiden will win. Wait, fastest mile time of three?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One, two, three, 539. Oh, you guys are kind of beat. Dude, you said one second underneath him? Yeah. Mine's like 603 or something. Hold on.

Mine was 540 and it was in a three mile race. Maybe. Also, hold on. Mine was 540, and it was in a three-mile race. Maybe I've hit under six. Mine was 539, and it was last year. My all-time was in a race that went on for two more miles. I am faster than you. I ran three sub-six miles in that race. I'm allowed to push you during the race. Wait, why?

Because it will make me do better. But you said that you were faster. Yeah, I thought you were faster. Well, I actually remembered his time. If we do a mile, I lose. If we do a short burst, I have a fighting chance. Like a 40 meter? Yeah, if we did like 100 meter.

I think if we do the mile, we can do both. You also might win if we do 100 meter. No, I'm slow. You think? Yeah, I know. You got short legs though. I have very short legs. You look like the Shuby version of Slime. In real though. I have very short legs. You look like the shooby version of Slime.

In real life. I do. I'm like one of the fucking thumbs from Spy Kids 3. I also look like the shooby version of Slime. There's so much hair here. You got so much cock and ball hair. I know. Dude, it's going to grow back, and then it's going to be like,

it'll probably take a while, but it's going to be little spiky hairs. Yeah. No, it'll look like spinner mason from degrassi you ran a 539 last year no i ran a 555 seven years ago i just remembered your time it said one second less because i knew it would bother you that was convenient wasn't it you're a fast reactor i know that's good you're a nuclear reactor yeah one of the best oh by the, God. The underside of my ball sack is being waxed right now. It's very hot and warm. That might feel nice, though, right? Yeah. Yeah.

That's what it'll feel. That's the thing. That's the word. You might like it. Look, I was just going to say, I ran a mile recently for the first time in a very long time. I am not impressive. What was it?

It was like- 835? It was like somewhere 8 to 9 minutes, yeah. And it was hard. I was like, I couldn't do two. I think I could sub 8 if I'm pushing.

But... I don't think I could sub 7. My climbs, they're getting fucking... Oh! I keep looking at it. It's so gross. Lana, can I do one?

So why do we... Can I pull off hair? You want to do one of these? No, I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. I don't know, man. No. He's a...

Yeah, I need a professional. Yeah. Could I do his butt I don't want to do it. I don't know, man. No. Yeah, I need a professional. Yeah. Could I do his butt cheek? You do my butt cheek. I'm fine with that. I don't have much hair there. Okay, firm handshakes. But you don't get to do this.

You're such a pussy for not letting me rip the hair off your cock. Shut the fuck up. Get in the ring or don't talk to me. I have done worse things. Name one thing that was worse than this. When I had to switch from Twitch to me. I have done worse things. Name one thing that was worse than this. When I had to switch from Twitch to YouTube. For $30 million.

I went to Disneyland seven days in one week. It was scary. You hear me, Dexerto? It's $30 million and I'm confirming it now. No, it's not $30 million. You can make a third article

about how it's $30 million. It's not $30 million. What are you going to say? Happy Pride Month. Happy Pride Month. Happy Pride Month. Should we make our Twitter gay? Yeah, I do. Ludwig was in the car

and he's like, for Pride Month, we should make our Twitter gay for only 28 days and cut it off two days early to show that we really don't care. No, I didn't say that. I said cut it off early to show that it's not just for the month.

You know? We should just put Prezzo as our profile picture. Yeah, I'd be down with that. For Pride Month? Yeah. We could do just his profile picture, the deer, so that it's confusing to people. Did you see the FaZe post? That was insane. Oh, yeah.

Like FaZe virus. Yeah. So there's phase and like there's a few funny posts because all the companies start posting like happy pride and like specifically there was like one from the u.s marines yeah i had bullets that were rainbow which is ridiculous marines one was so dude it's just ram ranch don't ask don't tell like two years ago bro like also like trump's whole thing about like not letting trans people join the military or something like that yeah that was like really

recent yeah yeah what the fuck are you doing and then there was one forum up i like i like they have gay bullets though gay bullets we shoot gay bullets now it's like it's like the boogie ball in fortnite it's okay they make you dance to ymca it's okay if civilians die if the soldiers are gay yeah that's what the military is telling you called gay imperialism you can't hate it or you're canceled yeah it's homophobic if you hate the game i'm gonna make a gay military that's only gay and you're actually canceled uh and then the other one was like nascar did one and obviously like none of the nascar fans are like hell yeah right brother but phase was similar because phase clan is like dude let me play call of duty and say slurs and fucking eat popcorn yeah their brand is very aligned with dude bro phase and the marines are

are the same dude the p oh that was it this is a penis one oh Oh. God damn it. God damn it. His penis ones look bad. He was getting taken over by the devil. Like you need a cross and garlic. This is kind of like a scene in Alien. Yeah.

So anyway, FaZe makes the post and it's like, happy pride, gay FaZe logo. I could probably go on my old PC when I used to play COD.

I could probably find a video of a FaZe member calling me a gay slur. Yeah. There you go. Pretty easily. That's probably easy to do. Yeah. You could probably find a video of a FaZe member calling me a gay slur. Yeah, there you go. Pretty easily. That's probably easy to do. Happy Pride Month. Dude, that's a fucking great quote. Happy Pride Month, AppBanks.

So they drop the tweet. One of the FaZe members, FaZeVirus, immediately replies in a quote retweet or something, and he's like, hey, just so everybody knows, I don't stand with this at all. And I don't support any of this and uh and then deletes it obviously because he was he making like a dumb stupid joke or was he serious no he was serious dead ass on g every so he's um the only phase member from saudi arabia he's muslim and uh and like most of his tweets are in arabic and this is like the one english tweet that was like, by the way, don't stand with the gays.

And then he deletes it. And I called it out on stream. And then I got a shit ton of DMs from people that were like, bro, all he said is he doesn't support it. That's crazy. Not that he's against it. You know, there's the whole story in the Bible where Lot goes to Sodom and Gomorrah in fucking.

Bro, we didn't watch One Piece. I don't care. I actually don't know what you're talking about right now. This is the... It's the whole thing in the Bible that's against homosexuality. Yeah.

There's this guy who goes... Oh, God. And God's like, hey, clear out the gay people there. And then they continue to be gay, so he burns down the village. And the village was called Sodom, which is why they call it Sodomy.

Whoa. Yeah. Wait, what? I heard Sodom, and I immediately thought Sodomy.y it's two men having love with each other okay i know that part no aid and so thank you so that when a guy loves a guy yeah it's called the right side of my penis had all the hair ripped out of it and it's like we're talking we are having a conversation yeah we're talking shop right now right now do you want to

silence conversations around gay topics yeah you want You want us to stop being so vocal? I think the main thing is like, regardless of his personal beliefs, which I think is like, you know, maybe fucking work through that. It's crazy that you would just not say nothing. Yeah. Yeah. It's well, what's crazy is you have a problematic person. You have the easiest job in the world and all you have to do is not say anything.

But what was funny to me is most of the people defending him weren't other Muslim people who were like, hey, we devoutly support the Quran. It was just dude bros who aren't religious who were like, yeah, I don't stay with gay people either. Yeah, exactly. I saw that. I'll piggyback off this Muslim guy real quick. That they didn't know existed up until this hit.

That they will not support in a year when there will be some problem. This is right on my dick. This is on the ball sack. It's on my ball sack. On the ball sack. Baby. I want to watch this one up close in HD. I really don't like watching him whimper.

You're blocking the camera of him. I just wanted to see his asshole. So, audio listeners, we are now on the part of your ball sack that is right below your penis. This feels like a scene in Neon Genesis Evangelion where you're getting turned into a mecha. And we have to shave you. Oh, dude, this is

not... He's moaning like it hurts. Like it hurts. i'm probably faking i'm helping the audio listeners oh my the top of his pubis looks really bald now which is good that's that part's all cleared up this is insane slime walk me through this all the time i'm a hero i'm gonna give you five erogenous zones i want you to rank one most painful, five least painful, all in this cock and ball area. Okay.

We got shaft, pubis, balls, gooch, and then like thigh, like surrounding area. Is your pubis this area? Pubis is right above the shaft. The pubis was the most difficult journey that I took. Number one, painful? It was the most painful. Uh-huh.

I think on the side of the penis, underneath, like thigh, penis, like strip. Here we go. Here's Ballsack. Hello. Oh, God.

Hello, world. Hello, my baby. Hello, my darling. Oof. Get there. You got this, Lana. You got this. Oh, yeah.

You're born to kill, Lana. You're born to kill. You're so clutch. You're born to kill, bro. You're born to kill. So, Walk, it's pubis one it's is it thigh to gooch two which was really really difficult yeah uh i think i'll just say most painful was the pubis and then as you kind of like uh i'm surprised by that i don't know bro it all really it's a

very sensitive area be a little he looks cloudy in the mind right now. Maybe we shouldn't ask him too many questions. Honestly, it's like, it doesn't hurt any less for me to prefer anything except the pubis. That part was like, that's too much. Right. And I don't want to do that again. I would have thought that would have been the nicer part.

I would have thought the hard part would be your ball sack. It's so hard to get taught. I don't think there's enough nerve endings on the ball sack for that to be the most painful. Oh, it's bleeding. His balls are bleeding. Dude, that's tight. I bleed from my art. I've never seen a whole testicle bleed. Really?

Yeah. I've only seen little nicks when you shave. Yeah, yeah, I guess. Oh, no. It's just so... Oh, you don't like it? It's so... You don't look away. It's so much less fun than I thought it would be.

The blood you bleed when you wax is so much different from normal blood because it comes out like one of those Play-Doh things where you push it up

and it goes in like 70 different... Like little patchy blood. It's like we're making French fries with Play-Doh. The French fry Play-Doh. This is like French fries. My God.

You are... You're a soldier. Bud. Bad man. Jesus. tries my god you are your soldier bud bad man jesus yan how you holding up yeah i don't know i don't know if yan was uh prepped on exactly his uh vantage point he was gonna have but that way zipper said he was sick yeah zipper all of a sudden zipper found a way out i have to go to the church store. I'm going to be gone for about three hours.

Oh, man. Yeah, everyone. Okay, so there's a lot of, this is the base now of the peep and of the peepus. Of the peepus. Yeah, it's called the peepus.

Yeah, it's the peepus pogus, not the peepus majora. Peepus pogus, Adrian. He's still with us. Yeah, he's still in there somewhere. Yeah, you can still make food. Yeah, he's still roasting. Can you hear us?

Can you hear us, buddy? Do your best, Stan, to be with us. What is this? Is this like different wax? I guess different because of a different type of hair. Oh. That's why I grab everything. I don't miss any hair.

It's like a different grit of sandpaper. We wouldn't want any to be missed. What do we miss, bro? A lot of don't miss. Don't say it again. That's right. Well, look. Maybe I can talk about it.

I think he's earned it. We'll talk about why slime was right. Yeah, why is slime right? I wasn't going to bring it up. Just because he's in pain doesn't mean he has to get a film. Why not? We could be nice to Slime. You guys remember when Slime said that very controversial thing on the Yard episode, right?

When he made the claim about the dead kid. Yeah. Dick stuff. And he was like, well, it'd be fine if they're dead. Fans offended me, by the way. And we were all like, no, you're weird and wrong and crazy for that. Well, I saw David Cronenberg's new movie, Crimes of the Future, in theaters. me by the way we were all like no you're weird and wrong and crazy for that well um i saw uh david cronenberg's new movie crimes of the future in theaters uh it was a great film i suggest

seeing it but there's a dead kid dick in the movie what and uh i was not expecting that it's on it's on screen for like five minutes that's and uh and i'm sitting there and I'm watching it and I go oh my god I have to either say Slime was right or say I'm a pedophile because I'm looking at one right now and I'm either doing something that is morally bankrupt

or I am not yeah and welcome Slime was right welcome to being right see the whole reason by the way that joke appeared

is because I was just trying to make sure Ludwig wasn't correct yeah and I went all the way that's what the foundation of that joke appeared is because I was just trying to make sure Ludwig wasn't correct. Yeah, that's what... And I went all the way. That's what the foundation of the joke was never conceiving. I just can't believe he wins. I'm so goaded. You were right.

I really do have it all, don't I? I see this is why you don't give it to him. I didn't look, even in pain. I felt like I owed it to him. I felt like when I watched him, I was like, I have to tell him. You watch Lana rip my fucking ball hairs off and you're like, you know what? He earned it. He earned it, yeah. He's been a good

boy. When he twitches, I twitch. His whole body rides. Upper hair on the thigh, hips. We're getting pretty close to the end here. There's not a lot of hair left. As painful as a tattoo, you think? It's more painful.

Genuinely more painful than's just genuinely more painful than the most pain I've experienced which was my bicep in this tattoo which isn't a lot is this the most painful thing you've ever done

no it was when I broke my arm oh really that was yeah that really hurt that'll do it you know an arm being broken that's fair

we're we must be getting... Like... Does he have... Oh. Bro, just stand up and look at his whole fucking cock and ball view on it.

I feel weird getting... Getting involved like that. You know what? This is already pretty weird. I guess I shouldn't be ashamed. This is probably as close as you will come to fucking each other.

His slime... I love Aiden's face right now. Dude, Aiden. Dude, it's so gross. It's just not a pleasant sight. You guys, come around. Take a peek from that side. I was there first.

Oh, you went around. I stood up and I looked. Some bisexual you are. Oh, this is gross to you? You know what? Yeah, let's snap this one and put it up on Grindr. See how many swipes we get. Proof I'm gay and supposed to be here. Him on ther. See how many swipes we get. Proof I'm gay

and supposed to be here. Which is him on the tape taking the third photo. I wanted to see his very red, bloody, flaccid penis. Oh my god.

You just unlocked a new phrase. Not a lot of people have done this with such a huge audience. I want to let him use numbing spray. not a lot of people not a lot of people have done this with such a huge audience I want to let him use numbing spray

why don't we let women grow their hair out yo based that's what someone was saying it's like

Harry P should be making a comeback Marvin Gaye had it right there was a video really funny it was this woman on TikTok she's like live streaming and then she has like hairy armpits Marvin Gaye had it right. There was a video. Really funny. It was this woman on TikTok. She's live streaming.

And then she has hairy armpits. And her boyfriend walks in the room and lifts her arm. And starts just dogging her. That's horrible. And he's like, you got hair in your armpits. And he keeps going. She lets him finish. And he ends.

She goes, you got no fucking job, bum ass living in my house, my rent. How about you get some fucking job? No friends. Lights his shit up. Lights him up. Lights him up. And then she stops and he goes, we need to do all that. He starts twirling the hair.

I like it. I like it. I shave my pits when you get a job. Oh my God. No, no. It's so pretty though you know in a weird way part of me wants to do this wow but after seeing a small part of me after seeing him levitate i don't want to do this yeah i do turn into david blaine and she fucking pulls it off this is the mind freak. Not about it.

Yeah, the next podcast episode is you being encased in ice for the entire thing. This is, I think, the end of the rope for my ball sack. This is the bottom right quadrant. This is the Florida of your balls. Your balls split into a political compass yeah

this is probably the last time in your life you'll have a totally bald cock and ball yeah cause if I cause I probably

won't do it again yeah I mean you never know maybe I'll it's easier if you come back soon right like if he

if he came back in like a few weeks you think in like two weeks he's like they gotta call Lana up got a little

hair pin kind of like this kind of like this look time is the hardest time for you and you don't keep up that you miss oh damn it that was a weird thing because every time every single hair got the roots out a lot of hair not growing back so So instead of you have 10,000 hair today, next time you have only 3,000 hair. So it's hardest the first time? Yeah. So the first time, I waxed my fucking nipple. I waxed a section of my leg and my nipples with zipper three

because she has a waxing kit at home. And I was like, I want to try this before Anthony does it. My nipple hair was really thick but now it's tiny thin hairs when it grows back it's hardest the first time like listening to immortal technique dance with the devil you always you don't respect love would be the one to make that joke yeah he gets there yeah i was doing it all beyblade i was, because everyone's calling their blades like Dances with Water or like Dragon Warrior. And I called mine

Dance with the Devil. It should be Dance with the Devil by Immortal Technique. That's what I called it. Immortal Technique, also a sick Beyblade name. Yeah, or Mind of Mencia. That's really funny.

Immortal Technique is a sick name for a guy who competes in Beyblade, like a gamer tag. Yeah. Oh, this is like,

this is your placenta. This is your placenta equivalent. We're looking at a stack of disgusting wax covered in his pubic hair. That was just tossed into the trash. Holy fucking shit. That was disgusting. It's the forbidden honey. Holy fucking shit. That was disgusting. That's so much. That's tight, bro.

That's tight. Don't look away. That's for you. That's so gross. I did it for you, dad. You birthed that. It's the best thing you've ever said.

If I planted that, I would grow one of you. Yeah, you bury that. You'd grow one of you. Yeah, you'd bury that. You'd grow one of my beautiful penises. How often do you do this for men? Three weeks to four weeks. Well, what's the percentage more or so? Is it mostly men or women that come in to get waxed?

Usually women because not a lot of men willing to do this. But now I have more men come to see me than before. Like male nursing. It's a growing industry. Yeah. Now a lot of men take care of this part now. Instead of shaving, go to the gym. Right.

The first time, that's the hardest time. That makes sense. Yeah. The second time, the hair will be a lot thinner less so very easy fuck you Manscaped yeah

no freak out no freak out no I think look if I can normalize this yeah it really hurts but I'm a smooth bear

so you know smooth there's nothing smooth hot bear you're gonna have to give us the review in like two weeks in the podcast

on which section you like being smooth. Because I'm assuming you might not like some sections being smooth and the hair growing back. Sure. Yeah. I mean, I think there will be a very stubbly sort of episode. Yep.

She's not. There was a girl in my high school who had long arm hair and then she would shave them because people would make fun of her. But then she had short, stubbly arm hair and I sat next to her and it would hurt. But I didn't say anything because I didn't want her to feel bad. you yeah because it was like short and stubbly like you know why is she touching you with her arm because it's like school desk it's small like it like not like a lot like occasionally oh like you'd like rub against your arm is it like biology where it's one big table it was like it was like desks next to each other like bing bing bing bing bing and then and then chairs my school

was never like this. It was close enough that it was something that has happened enough times that it was a memory. And you'd get hit by a spiky Koopa shell and you'd say, yaoi.

And then I'd go, dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun dun dun,

dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun dun dun, and then I'd have to respawn in the first level. You go back to freshman year.

Right. And then I'd have to get back and I'd be like, you bitch. Yeah, I think I've already said this on the pod a long get back and I'd be like, you bitch. Yeah, when I was, I think I've already said this in the pod a long time ago.

I can't remember, but I'll say it again. When I was in, I had arm hair like really early as a kid. Like I grew it before all the other boys. Oh yeah,

yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then, this is funny. And then I went to school and this kid Addison, now I have to definitely

say this in the pod, made fun of me and he was like, you have hairy arms, you're hairy and weird. And it really hurt me. I went home and I learned how to shave with my mom's razor in the shower and made fun of me. And he was like, you have hairy arms. You're hairy and weird. And it really hurt me. I went home and I learned how to shave with my mom's razor in the shower. And I shaved my arms clean.

And I went to school and he made fun of me for shaving like a girl. And I was like, I can't win. You get owned. I can't win. Addison's going to bully me no matter what I do. Yeah. So I told on him and he got in trouble. Wow.

Nice. Nice. Wow. No, he backed him to a corner. He deserved it. Oh, my wiener looks so weird. I started to grow a mustache in eighth grade.

He asked me if I could recognize it. Only kinda. Only kinda. This is the only other time it's okay to look at a baby dick. Okay, come on. He's looking great. It's hot in here. When I was in eighth grade, I could grow mustache hair,

but I didn't want to ask my mom for a razor because I was embarrassed. And it wasn't like a lot. So I used scissors that I would cut my nails. And I was doing it and I got like decently fast at it. So I started going Edward Scissorhands, my bitch. And then I just fucking lopped off part of my nails. Yeah. And I was doing it and I got like decently fast at it. So I started going Edwards, and then I just fucking lopped off part of my lip. And I was like, do you have a scar? So I think so.

I think there's a slightly whiter part right here. Oh yeah. I see it. Uh huh. Yeah. To this day. Oh, yeah.

For that's from cutting my lip and I put a bandaid on it and everyone's like, why is there a bandaid? And I, and I obviously fucking lied. I i like nelly what do you suzy chomped me yeah i got top so good last night i hit the wall because i was fucking but and but then someone called me out bar for bar what happened so i did what everyone does i go no yeah no you're dumb as fuck actually just so you know you know i uh so i'm like trying to get back into being active after because my back is a lot better right and uh oh yep yep and

i uh i i took a yoga class and i've never done yoga before and it was really hard ah sorry and uh hard ah sorry and uh sorry it just really hurts really oh yeah yoga is emotional i did yoga and uh and it was it was really difficult and it was like it wasn't hot yoga but it was like very hot it was like kind of outdoor half outdoor and i was like drenching sweat and i'm just like trying to keep up with like these agile young women yeah and like they're calling out poses and i'm just like oh and it's like it's like a football drill you're doing like uh what do you call them suicides like it was very active and i'm just like dying in sweat and then after it was an hour-long session it was great it kicked my ass and then uh everyone turned and clapped for me like it was end of evangelion it was really funny great job because are Because you were a new member, right?

Because I was like, yeah, I was new, and I'm like the only guy, and I'm bald. So they probably think that like something's wrong. I love that. Okay, what am I doing? Sit up like that. That? Oh. Yeah, and you've seen that?

Oh, poor Yen. Oh, it's pointing at me. I'm chosen. This is going to hurt. This is going to hurt. This is going to hurt so fucking bad, dude. What's good about this is I feel more prepared, not all the way there, but if I ever have to see a child get born.

Yeah. Yeah, this is like... This is most of childbirth. We're showing we're stupid. And it's not that... Childbirth can't be that hard. I mean, it's not like a baby's head crowning and afterbirth tumbling out.

Probably doesn't hurt. I'm not saying the pain. I'm saying the visuals. This is pretty much most of the experience. Don't be that hard. I mean, it's not like a baby's head crowning and afterbirth tumbling out. Probably doesn't hurt. I'm not saying the pain. I'm saying the visuals. This is pretty much most of the experience. Don't look away yet. That is so funny. I bet it hurts less than this. That is so funny.

Women who have done both of those things and we're like, we get what childbirth is like. I'm not saying I get it. I'm saying I am more ready to visually look at childbirth after seeing slimes, wax,

and trails of his pubis hair in a hot sweaty room we're sitting in 90 degrees i watched i watched the entirety of a c-section for the first time uh and that shit is fucking wild why did you watch that in person like a video yeah you've been you've been not home more recently. Yeah. You've been gone. You keep doing weird baby stuff. I go to the- You're drinking formula. You're watching C-Section.

Yeah, what are you doing, weirdo? Why are you weird now? The formula shortage, by the way, is really bad, and I'm more mad at you now after learning more about it. Yeah, because I did it. Yeah. It's my fault. What's wrong with you?

Why are you doing this? I drink breast milk, not formula. You had both, you said. Oh, I tasted formula. Yeah, French and sweat. I'm so sorry. Yeah, this is fucking- Where are you going to do weird- Are you going to baby con? breast milk, not formula. You had both, you said. Oh, I tasted formula. I'm so sorry. Where are you going to do? Are you going to BabyCon?

Where are you going if you're doing all this stuff? Yo, you guys going to BabyCon this week? This year? On my stomach? I think it's like my zipper threes melee equivalent is like doula-ing.

She's like really is like doula-ing. Hey, man. She's like really into like... Like that? Oh, my God. You are beautiful. Like that? That is beautiful. You are actually breathtaking.

Dude, this is like the image that was carved into the Voyager 2 probe. Yan has direct line of sight. If Yen was like a Metal Gear guy, his cone is just completely my naked fucking hair. It's like fucking Star Wars Episode 4. This is the fucking little hole that he used to shoot as Luke Skywalker. Yen, you've turned

off your targeting computer. What's wrong? You look like... Oh, yeah. Hold on. You look like how people, yeah, hold on. You look like how people come out of the cryo chambers in space movies. This is my gooch. This is literally right beneath my butthole. This is the piece de resistance. I thought about this on the drive over, about doing this.

And literally today, I was like, if I did this today, I would shit myself. Because I haven't been eating well and I've been drinking a lot and i'm like you play beer and if i get like one ounce of pain i let go and that's like the worst case i've had an extremely disciplined eating schedule lately oh there's hot wax on my butthole right now wow lana has anyone crazy i feel like I need to see this. I feel obligated. Okay, we're all joining. This is like, oh, wow. Whoa. Oh, my God. Wait, don't block the people's view.

The people need to see it. They're never going to see this. Okay, so I just want to say... Blocking the wide. I wasn't going to apologize until now, but I'm sorry, Archie. I am. Dude.

Up until this very moment, I was like, Archie. I am. Dude. Up until this very moment, I was like, Archie gets paid a lot of money. Yeah, this is like that Vice documentary about the guys in Columbia that fuck donkeys. Yeah. I want just your face reaction. And he just walks away at the end. I thought it would be funny. Yan is braver than the troops.

Yeah, Yan and I are the same. Hey, buddy. What's going on? I'm currently holding my right butt cheek wide open. So, Yan and I are the same. Hey, buddy. What's going on? I'm currently holding my right butt cheek wide open. So, Lana here is going to do pretty much one of the final wax pieces, which is right in my butthole.

There's hot wax in it. She's waxing more of it. Why is your shirt off? Well, I'm getting up next. Only my gooch. I'm so sorry, Lana. Has anyone ever pooped themselves doing this, Lana? Oh, I just giggled. She just laughed.

A menacing giggle. His name's Eric Andre. He's a lot of shit. Was Eric Andre strong or was he weak? Did he yell? But he just tried to accorade for her. Was Eric Andre strong or was he weak? Did he yell? Oh, sure. He's a showman. I'm doing this pure natty, bro.

You fake the funk. You feel the funk. No, well, he did also get waxed. Getting waxed but taking laxatives before. That'd be so cruel. That would be bad. And then you pay them $10,000 as apology. Uh-huh.

No, you have your friend do the waxing. Getting waxed, but like purposely putting a Skittle down there in your hair for them to find. Oh, so bad. Oh, like that guy who has beans in his computer. Yeah. What? They wax my asshole, but I have a can of beans in my ass. Wait, what?

It's like that guy who shoved a toy race car up his asshole and then complained about This is Jackass. This is the end of Jackass 1. It was Ryan Dunn. You got it. You got it. You're the goat. You're the goat.

You're the goat. You're like a beautiful French woman I believe in you Dude The titanic outtakes are crazy I'm blowing a whistle More wax onto the top of the butt crack It doesn't want to come up Yeah it's been there for my whole life yeah that's actually true i didn't think about that he's getting rid of hair that's been there

his whole life yeah i wonder if the hair is sad uh well if it's sad it it gets killed soon so it's like boys where are we dropping? Finally. It's like, my butt hair is like, oh, cool. We're going to take a poop again, right?

That must be what's going on. Toy Story, but all your hair is alive. Every single one. It's your ball hair. They're talking about Lana like it's the claw. Yeah. Dude,

I would, it's the scene where they're all about to burn. I thought Toy Story 4 was really funny and I thought Forky was funny, but you guys don't agree with me. I like Forky.ister 4 was really funny and I thought Forky was funny. But you guys don't agree with me. I liked Forky. Forky was really funny.

Dude. I thought 4 was like a beautiful movie. Everyone here thinks that. Yeah. I said a controversial thing. I said it was my favorite. Oh, really?

Yeah. I thought, no, I think Ludwig thinks number one is the best and I think that's Cap. I think one's the goat. Ah!

Ah, Tom Hanks! Tom Hanks is the goat. I think that's Cap. I think one's the goat. Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks is the goat. I think I don't get to... Hold that butt cheek open. Soldier, you're almost there. God damn it. God damn it. Dude, he has two perfectly symmetrical Y-shaped veins on his forehead.

I've never noticed it. Lana looks like she's delivering babies. Your forehead looks like the All Saints logo right now. That is fucking funny. Lana looks like she's unclogging a toilet. Dude, it hurts so bad. This is like surgery, bro. I do feel like I shouldn't be legally allowed to watch this.

Yeah. Dude, this is exactly like the Vice doc where they fuck the donkeys. It actually is. Did you just fart? No. That was him laughing. It's just my butt, bro. Oh, you smell it?

No, I thought he farted. I'm impressed that the room doesn't smell like your butt. Oh my god. I don't like what I saw. I don't like what I saw. I don't like what I saw, Loving. Loving. Loving.

Loving. Loving. Loving. Loving. Loving. Loving. Loving. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, No, no, no. Don't look away. Don't look away.

I can't look. Don't look away. I can't look. It's for you. It's for you, Nick. It's for you. You're my little bear. I can't.

I'm not your bear. I'm not your bear. It's for you. It's so gross. Six months ago, Yan worked for Facebook. Oh, it's my butt hair. One in a thousand,

what are the odds to eat it? Not zero. If you offered a million, I wouldn't do it. One in 1 thousand, what are the odds to eat it? Zero. If you asked for a million, I wouldn't do it. One in 1,500. Three, two, one. 1,297. We were close.

Wait, you said 1,297? 37. That's the number I would have said, I swear to God. Are you okay? Almost done, guys. I think it's smooth sailing from here on out. It's just my butt, my normal butt. Dude, I'm toasty. I swear to God. Are you okay? Almost done, guys. I think it's smooth sailing from here on out. It's just my butt. My normal butt.

Dude, I'm toasty. It's toasty. It's so hot. Thank you for doing... You're working while... There is an element of discomfort to this. Watching this while so hot and sweaty. Ana's so stone cold. She's not even dropping a beat of sweat.

I'm over here dredged. Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. I'm off. Yeah, that's scary looking, yeah. Dude, there's a point where Yan made like a vocal sound because it was so nasty. Which is the first time he's done that, and he's seen

a lot of shit today. Yan's pretty stoic. Yan's extremely stoic. We can't take that fucking exam, dude. The company's gonna go under if we take that exam. It looks like the inside of a treadmill, I imagine. It looks so bad. I think it's so funny that the wax is put on with this little

deodorant stick. Yeah, it's really warm, too. You touch it, your skin's extremely hot. You're like, oh, this is happening for sure. It's like wax by Dove, man. Oh, fuck. I don't have a reason to be overwhelmed but i am i mean it's hot right but you know this is how it was in beyblades we were hot it was hot you could also pop your shirt off textures beyblades was hot and at some point

someone came up to me and they're like damn it's stinky i can't believe it like it's craters and i was like damn they're fucking people who are sweating all the tuchuses off. They don't have special sweat. They're not special bears. Oh yeah I think that it was so beautiful. It was funny that it

was in a boxing gym. I love these little moments in our lives now where people like I watch Nick Yingling the sixth best melee player in Arizona fight like Skara

LCS legend in Beyblades at a boxing ring. And Shroud. And Shroud, yeah. Can I get a piece of that? Do you want him to do one, Lana? Can I just try? Do it.

Oh, that one. Oh, maybe not. Yeah, I'll go for the other cheek. Let him know when there's a good one for him. If you think there's an easy one that I can jump in and do, let me know. Or you could just do one on Eamon's chest, get him involved. I'm down for that. You can do that if you want.

All right, we'll do that. Oh, we'll do that, Ludwig. I think the fans want to see the butt. I'll be so smooth for you. Dude. I'm smooth for you, Ludwig. The longer it goes, the less funny and more sexual and depraved this is.

It's not even a good podcast anymore. I'm just staring. I can't look away. I don't even know what to say anymore. It's gotten hotter, you know. It's like a hockey wave day. This reminded me for some reason, when we were at Hot Pot,

there was this little TV playing this video of this chef dancing next to this guy dressed as Tarzan. And the Tarzan guy is about a foot taller than the chef, but they're both doing this little coordinated dance as this little music plays in the background. And we're eating, and Zipper 3 looks over at it and looks at Tarzan

and is like, that looks like Hasan. And it's just this hairless, hulking man. Dude, I wonder if Hasan got waxed, if he'd be a smooth bear. Dude, he would take so much. He's so hairy. Yeah, he's hairy. He's Turkish hair.

Dude, he's so much area. Yeah. He's a bigger guy. Yeah. He would go into the wax parlor and they'd be like, oh, we need backup. Like Lana needs to call like four people. need to do okay yeah dude lana's literally thinking these fucking idiots i could do anything it's a shadow of colossus boss for waxers yeah heck yeah here we go i'm gonna make you feel so i'm literally so around to the back

you know what i actually think i prefer you feel so i'm literally so around to the back you know what i actually think i prefer you smooth because i'm seeing the part of your butt that's not shaven and i'm like gross compared to the part that is shaven oh really so my butt looks nice this side shaven butt looks better than unshaven butt for sure i will ditto that that's that's what that's what we're trying to fight against right is the idea that you need to shave like your your vagina if you're a woman i think? I think it looks better. No, we need to go in the opposite direction and get all men to do this all the time. I think men need to do it too.

We need to shame everyone equally if they have body hair. That's what I think is important. Shame. Shaming. I pull this way? My toots are not shameful. Huh? Here?

Then I just pull. Ludwig's about to pull. Pull this side. Okay. Is that good? I got some hair. Nice. about to pull pull this side. Okay That good I Got some hair you gotta keep that one. Oh my god. I'm gonna keep that. Yeah, how much to eat that one? Yeah, I'm gonna see that one. I'm so sweaty. God. I'm so sorry to all the viewers that are just looking at like again What looks like a baby being born? Yeah with a mustache

Yeah, we need the we have so we have we have the YouTube, I mean the Patreon, they're the only fans. We just put the full uncut gem. They should show this in every health class across America. Childbirth is beautiful. I don't care what you say. This is what would happen

if we didn't allow abortion. We wouldn't have this. This is why abortion's wrong. We need more of this in the world. I'm gonna sneeze. Oh, man. Holy shit. wrong we need more of this in the world i'm gonna sneeze oh man holy shit you know what's crazy is that maya and cutie will podcast for like 40 fucking hours straight it's actually nuts because i tuned in last night when they're like three and a half hours deep and they're still going hard i

will say they do drink right yeah yeah they talk to chat they got chat and they get ha going hard. I will say they do drink. Oh yeah, they talk to chat. They got chat and they get hamsky ramsky, but I also think they just keep it going. It's also kind of streaming. Yeah, I guess it is like a stream. Dude, I went to like a food fair and I went to like this food fair at the Rose Bowl this weekend

and it's like a big place with a bunch of different food and I was like, usually these things suck. It's just like the food's all shit but it's actually pretty good i had like kimchi wings like i had like cheese wheel pasta and like bone marrow all this crazy stuff and uh i went over and there was like this really popular thing it was like we're big on tiktok they said that on their company and it's like these like they take garlic bread and they make a loaf of it and then they like shoot like cream into it and it looks like a weird cream pie

from italian cream pie i was like all right well the line's 40 fucking five minutes like a disneyland ride we should probably let's just wait we're here whatever let's do it we go and uh we're talking about how good it must be and there's a woman who i think maybe had a heart attack and is literally there's an entire paramedic team is called to a woman just laying kind of looks like a lot like slime on the table. Just like laying there completely motionless outside of the, of the cream pie station. And,

uh, I was like, they're damn good. Wait, was that what the line was about? No, the line was just to eat one. Were people still in line

walking by this woman? Yeah, while she was getting stretchered off. That's devotion. People are seeing that and they're like, must be good. Yeah, this shit bangs.

This shit fire. One in five people die from this. That's how good it is. They also had like the how long can you hang from the bar thing? You have to do two minutes thing. It was pretty hard. Dude. I didn't want to touch it though because there was no napkins anywhere at this event. how long can you hang from the bar thing? You have to do two minutes thing. It was pretty hard.

Dude. I don't want to touch it though because there was no napkins anywhere at this event. So I don't want to touch a bar that everyone's stepping up to touch. Yeah, it's icky and gross and yuck. Wings and... I was at Stan's birthday dinner

and me and Cutie got in a little kerfuffle, a little altercation, a little argument. A real one? No. But we were like, we were still somewhat heated because we were talking about people who die at disney because we're at disney and we saw these paramedics people must die from heat stroke occasionally right people die a lot at disney uh and and we're

going around guessing the number just for fun you know because what happens is if someone dies at disney most of the time if they get, they immediately take them off premise so that they can be announced dead outside of Disneyland. So it's not like someone dead at Disney. Because they don't want it to die in Disneyland. Well, it wouldn't be the happiest place on Earth if they removed them as fast as possible. Holy shit,

dude. That's dark. They're like, no, no, no. I see him moving. He's talking to me right now, but I'll just keep him moving. Keep him moving. He's talking. Hey, what's up, bud? Oh, dude, you like Legos? Sweet. Oh, he no i see him moving he's talking to me right now but i'll just keep him moving he's talking hey what's up bud oh dude you like lego sweet oh he's dead yep he's dead we're off so what if you just went and you fucking bud dwired at disneyland i mean they have to acknowledge that you fucking went down on their turf there are people who have literally just like been pronounced dead and like crushed by a ride and like. Yeah. No, that wasn't our ride. And so I was looking up the numbers, and it was like...

His face caved in. No, that wasn't us. He's good. We'll sort that guy out at the hospital. The guy wearing the ears? No, no. He was already wearing those. Yeah. Oh, did you... So wait, you and Cutie fought about that? Well, because I looked it up. He was already wearing those.

So wait, you and Cutie fought about that? Well, because I looked it up. I was like, I was 25. And she's like, no, it's worse. I was like, no, it says 25 here. And she's like, no, no, no, no, no. That's a lie. They're lying.

And then she told me this whole conspiracy theory. And then there's like hundreds of people who die, but that you don't know. I do like the idea that she is like, yo, Disney is fucked up, but I still love going there. But I'm still ride or die. But damn, that Peter Pan ride. I like that. I respect that because I would assume she was someone who was like, I don't want to talk about that. Have you guys gone to Disney World yet? No. I've been to Disneyland

in Tokyo. Is it Pog? Yeah. I've been to Hong Kong Disney and it sucks. Really? Yeah. Is it just small? It's just so small. The little aliens from Toy Story is mochi. That's cute.

And you can eat them. I ate one. I don't like mochi. I don't like mochi either. But I was like... Right, like a lamb. I'm a baby. No, you're actually...

That's your baby? You actually sort of are in the pose right now where they take lambs and they like... Yeah. This is the exact... A lamb upside down. This is the exact where they take lambs and they like... Yeah. This is the exact... Lamb upside down.

This is the exact position I sleep in every night. Really? Yeah. I put my hand in between my legs. Oh, yeah. On my side. I'm a side sleeper. You look like a fresh lamb.

This is what it feels like to get your braces off, but it's your whole body. Your butthole braces? Yeah. If you had your pillow cube right now, this is pretty much what it would be like in your room. Kinda, yeah. Temperature-wise, too.

Yeah, you got Funko Pops. You're naked. Yeah. Yan's there. Space heater. Yeah, just in the corner. Come on. Dude, I took a sick picture of Yan.

You're gonna see my cool picture of Yan. Absolutely. We were walking around, and Yan's just eating a corn dog or something. And I'm like, Yan, don't move my cool picture of Yan. Absolutely. We were walking around and Yan's just like eating like a corn dog or something. And I'm like, Yan, don't move. And he's like, okay.

And you're like, you look so beautiful right now. And it's him throating a corn dog. You look like a cool picture of Yan. That looks extremely cool. He's got his sunglasses on. I'm like, whoa, you look sick, dude.

We like that. Yeah. That's cool, Yan. God, dude. We're getting close to the end. A little, oh, a butt fan coming through, to the end. A little butt fan coming through. Coming through clutch. Does that feel nice?

Yeah. It's like a fan on your butt. I'm a fan of butt. You should drive like this. Naked? Yeah. Naked and born again? Butt ass naked and hairless.

Officer pulls you. Oh, no. Officer. He's like, ah. Lana, huh? Is that illegal? Is that public indecency to drive naked? Just say you put lemon on your shirt

and that you thought it'd be invisible. I think driving on a road counts as being in public. But you're in your car, which is your property, like a home, right? I don't know. Because don't they need warrants to search your car? It's all just state by state. I think it's 100% illegal

if you can see it from outside. So if you're naked and lying down maybe like in your trunk. You're saying being nude is probable cause? Can we hold it? I'm saying being nude is public indecency. Oh, he hasn't heard a lot in a while. I forgot what we were doing.

Yeah, you're good, you're good. No, I like it, I like it. It's good. Like the way it works at least. I don't want her to feel bad. I think there was, we did this in journalism school for journalists. There was a...

Wait, hold on. Before you continue. Before you continue, me and Slime, in the Patreon, we have a show where we watch Disney Channel original movies and we make fun of them.

And one of the things in the show, one of the characters is like, what is this yellow journalism? And me and Slime are like, what is yellow journalism? I was surprised Slime are like, what is yellow journalism? I was surprised Slime didn't know. Not that it's something he should know, but sometimes he just knows stuff like that. So I was like, go ask Ludwig, because he's the guy who says, I have a journalism degree.

Go ask Ludwig, and he won't know and make fun of him. He goes over, and Slime's like, what is yellow journalism, Ludwig? And Ludwig snapped new. Yeah, he was playing Valorant with real big influencers because that's what he does. He just knew immediately, so you're a journalist. I'm the only one out of the loop. What is it? It's just like propaganda journalism. It's like what eventually became tabloids,

but it was sensational news, sometimes incorrect, not fact-checked. It was like a race between two tycoons. I think it was Pulitzer and then one other guy. I want to say Holmes or something. They both had competing newspapers and so they would just make more and more crazy shit up in the headlines.

Pulitzer presumably coming out more credible based on the prize. He's not very credible actually at all. Really? Yeah. He just made the prize though. Oh. And the prize is still cool for people to get. It's the FaZe Banks literature award. But then he dies and nobody's like wait that guy didn't know book good. For people to get. What's up? It's the Faze Banks Literature Award.

Yeah, but then he dies, and nobody's like, wait, that guy didn't know book good. Speaking of sensationalism, this is the butt shot. I'm doing the wax butt shot. This is dude perfect. I just wanted to say that.

Sorry. Do you guys think the queen is dead? Yeah. I'm kind of starting to think the queen is dead. We said this in London. I know, I know, but I believe it now. There was a hologram recently. The hologram development. I'm saying I think she's been dead since we were in London. I know, I know, but I believe it now because that's the difference. The hologram recently.

The hologram development. No, but I'm saying I think she's been dead since we were in London because we said that there. We were like, we were there and I was like, Omid is the queen dead

and Omid's like, you done know, wagwan. And I was like, all right, I don't know what he's saying, but I still think the queen's dead. And I saw the hologram and I'm like,

they Tupac'd the queen. She's dead. I think she's alive. Well, you're just doing that to be a contrarian, but I think secretly we all want the queen to be dead because we want we like the idea of the the entire nation of britain pretending that she's alive i don't want her to be dead on it because i watched a tiktok yesterday of one of the queen's handlers and it made me giggle and it was about how the

queen would go to her little cottage in scotland and then go on walks and she ran into two americans and they were and they like struck up conversation because they're americans and outward yeah they're like how's it going they didn't know she was a queen they didn't know she was the queen so they start chatting and but it's like a walk that the queen's famous to do and they're like wait you're old have you ever seen the queen here and the queen without missing a step, goes, no, but he has. And he points to her handler

because like she, like, and then, and then they asked the queen to take a picture of them in the handler. That's really funny.

So the queen just snaps a photo and I thought it was funny. Did she do the selfie thing? No, no, no. Oh yeah, like she takes one of herself. Yeah, she's definitely not that advanced.

I think in general, and I was thinking about this a lot with like British people where it's like that they have like. Get it out, buddy. We all hit them. They just like have idioms, right? Like they just speak elegantly because I think they their language center is based around like phrases and sayings. I learned the word for this. There's a better word than idiom. I just learned it's called an epigram.

Epigram? Yeah. No, that's a better word than idiom. I just learned it. It's called an epigram. Epigram? Yeah. No, that's Slug's record label. That's good. But no, it's called an epigram. It's like when you say... That's a better definition. When you say things that are like somewhat like maybe satirical or poetic to say a much

larger message. Epigram. Epigram. Yeah. It's like what all of Cronenberg's fucking characters talk like. You're just like, why are all the poor people and wealthy people equally educated

in this movie? And it's like, oh, it's because they're all written by David Cronenberg. Big thing in Mandarin. Yeah,

it actually is. Really fluent Mandarin speakers will use old ancient Chinese text in their speech like regularly. Like if we were to whip out Shakespeare

and that's like a proof that you're an advanced speaker. I have a nice big book of Chinese idioms and they have to learn them oh

that's cool and if you don't spit them you're fucking dumb I had to learn idioms in school you guys didn't have to learn idioms no I had to learn idioms in school hit the road jack

they were like what the fuck kind of class is that it was like one of my language arts classes I cut the mustard I had to learn shoot a breeze. Really? That's so weird.

I had to spend time with someone. That's so weird. Shoot a breeze? What a dumb class. You would know this if you'd learned idioms in school like me. I also learned cursive in the first grade, not the third grade, because I went to a private school. Oh.

We all hated you. He typed the cursive out on his MacBook. And then the economy crashed, and I got taken out of private school. I went to public school. We talked hate you, dude. He typed the cursive out on his MacBook. And then the economy crashed and I got taken out of private school. I went to public school. We talked about this at lunch about how I would never, ever send my kid to private school, ever.

I'm public school pill till I die. You're not sending your kid to private school? No, never. Dude, oh my God. The plastic. So Slime's like laying on wax paper like face down right now as he gets the remainder of his ass waxed and he he's rotating up and he's like kind of wet from his sweat so the wax paper was like wrapped and molded around his penis as he that's happened to me over

when i went to jerk off and donate my sperm. They had one of those mats on like this exact chair. That's the jerk off station. And I was sitting on it but I was pants down and then the tissue paper just sticks and you start sweating a bit.

Yeah. But then it gets everywhere. How long was your sesh when you did that? It was like 30 minutes. It took a while. Really? To get it out?

Yeah. You can't put one up on the... Do you want DMX or or a dell you walk in and it looks like an old ass melee set there's one crt in like 80 old ass vcr tapes of people fucking in the 80s phone yeah that's kind of hype though no i did have a phone so i pull out my phone but while i'm looking at my phone scrolling through trying to find something nice okay browsing netflix i hear the two people at the front just start flirting with each other

because it was only me and they're donating. They're flirting with each other. It's this guy and a girl. Was it a donor? You could beat off to that. I'm going to get off to love instead. What a romantic place to work. If someone's cute and you vibe and you work

at the sperm donation place. It is a quirky comedy. Why is it romantic? It's romantic because nutting happens there. Oh, that's true. And that's where I want to meet my manic

pixie dream girl. My Ramona Flowers of the sperm bank. You know also a cute guy comes in and you can just go test his sperm later and be like,

oh, his kid's going to be bad at football. I don't want to date him. He needs more salt. Jesus. This is why I season my dick, not my cum. Lana didn't like that one.

Look Lana in the eyes when you say these things. You have to look Lana in the eyes. Don't do that. I like the little fan. The little fan is, dude, you have yellow all over your butt. You look like Tub Girl. Oh, that is disgusting, bro. Don't look away. It's just the wax.

It's not from me. I'm burning up still. Ludwig, I am so nauseous looking at your butt. You gotta be close here. How much hair is left, Ian? Ian's like, oh, I know exactly how many follicles. Ian's got the time update and the ass update. Keep it calm, all right?

You've got two hairs left on B site. Ball hole site. I love it. Butt's sticking together, Anthony. Dude, I'm looking at his balls. They're so sweaty. His gray meat. Come on, man.

It's not gray. Oh, it is. It's so gray. It's kind of gray right now. Yeah. It looks a little dark. The Minecraft zombie meat. Yeah.

All done? Oh! Oh, my God. He's a jolly fellow. He's a jolly fellow. Minecraft zombie meat? Yeah. All done? Oh! Oh my god. He's a jolly fellow. He's a jolly fellow. He's a jolly fellow. Tony Kessler is involved.

Wow, this is great. Congratulations on finishing. What a fucking marathon, dude. Dude, you're gonna have the greatest shits this week. Thank you so much. I'm just staring at your penis. Hey, boys. Hey, what's up, man?

You're so bald. I'm looking at myself for the first time. You're bald everywhere. This is what the human body looks like. Can you turn around? Can you bend over a little? Can you wend over a little? Dude, yeah, it's sticky, and there's no hair to separate it, so it's

spread open like when you sleep. Dude, the Ludwig tattoo is so funny. It's spread a bit like a grilled cheese opens up. No, it's not like a grilled cheese. Oh, yeah, it is. Look. No! Yeah, yeah, yeah. It spreads over like a grilled cheese. That's a good one. Yeah, yeah, okay.

We'll come up and shower. No? Okay. You gotta get a bit of alcohol. I don't want to watch him wipe his butt. I'll do this later. I'm watching you wipe, wax out your ass.

This is too close. This is too close. Do it right now. We don't care. Okay. I will, I will, what's up?

You're the health champion. I will, what's up health champions? I will, Lana, I appreciate you so much. I will go ahead. Am I in frame, Yan? Okay.

Check the white. Insane. Guys, thank you so much. We're going to get out of here. It was really, really hot in the room. Thank you so much to Lana. Can we give her a round of applause, guys? I need a mic in your room. Thank you so much to Lana. Can we give her a round of applause, guys? I know you got a mic in your hands. Lana, thank you so much.

You want to plug your business one more time? One more plug for your business. Thank you. Thank you for coming here. It's the first time. And really nice to see you guys, to meet you guys today. Thank you so much.

Especially give me this opportunity. Absolutely, yeah. She's a goddamn professional, and I feel smooth as a dale. Thank you so much. Especially give me this opportunity. Absolutely. Yeah. She's a goddamn professional and I feel smooth as a dale. We'll catch you on the other side. Same bat time, same bat channel.

See you on premium episode. Goodbye now. What are you looking at, Archie? What are you looking at? That's not for you, buddy. Bye-bye.