The Yard - Ep. 5 - Mr. Beast Roasts Ludwig's YouTube

Episode Date: August 4, 2021

We didn't call him out on it, but for some reason Ludwig kept saying "it's lit" this episode. The boys take the time to discuss cheating in school (allegedly), erections on planes, and whether or not Justin Long would beat Slime in a fight.

you guys remember the avengers yeah mark ruffalo said i should put a bullet in my mouth no he said he put did he yeah he did say that i put a bullet in my mouth he said quote i put a bullet in my mouth and He said, quote, I put a bullet in my mouth and then the other guy spit it out, I think. Yeah. Because the Hulk's the other guy. He tried to end his life and then the Hulk...

Did they French kiss? The Hulk lives. Did they French kiss a bullet? What are they talking about? He's saying he tried to kill himself and the Hulk stopped him. The other guy in this context is the Hulk. And this was like glazed over so hard in the movie.

Yeah, because I will... To say you put a bullet in your mouth sounds like you're chewing on it. I tried to beat off, but the other guy sucked me off. Imagine he could get the Hulk head to pop out and suck him off. The Hulk, actually, his secret is that he has two fewer ribs. And everyone on the playground knows about it. Why do you think he's the Incredible Hulk?

Where do you think he got that from? The Hulk can suck himself off. What's up, guys? Welcome to the yard. We're here again, and it's presented to you by Coinbase. Coinbase. Coinbase in the morning. Coinbase.

It's going to be leaked by now. Coinbase, yeah. Coinbase, yeah. That would be nice. I have such a funny video from this shoot. Yeah. Oh, my God. Everyone will have seen it by now.

Yeah, we could actually post it with the- It should be the- We can open. Yeah, open it. You'll see it by now Yeah We can actually post it With the It should be the We can open Yeah open Yeah You'll see it We're getting a little meta With this right now

We're talking about What just played As if When we concepted it We should talk about Mogul Money Which airs tomorrow As if it's already aired

That was such a good We should say the air time Of this podcast 92 minutes In 36 seconds One hour And 36 minutes In 40

Is that one thing He's confused. Eamon's vomiting in his mouth right now. If you're watching this, type happy birthday Nick in chat. Oh, sheesh me. In the YouTube comment section because this is B-Day while we're recording. I can rent a car. Okay, I hate that misconception because you can rent a car.

No, I can rent a car with proper rates. There you go. That's true. That is the truth of it. Well done. Which is so much lamer to say. Yeah, and you should just say it because it's true. But is the truth of it. Well done. Which is so much lamer to say. Yeah. And you should just say it because it's true.

But it's about being truthful. It's about being honest. The problem is I say I can rent a car because I can rent a car above 21, but I won't and it costs me a fortune. But now I can do it like a normal person. Yeah. So I probably will. And you also earn more money. Unless you have USAA, which I have.

Oh, yeah. Because my stepfather's a's they they waived that right he served semper fi he's your stepfather though so you should earn no i expect i served our family is a warring family yeah i'm wearing mango shorts i'm sad about this real quick okay guys we're gonna do the thing oh smash the bell subscribe to this shit smash that goddamn ready motherfucking i'm that desperate because I want to hit 100k And I want to have a 100k blowout And we can do something at 100k

Like we could show Amon's At 100k you can pick any member's Cock and ball to see That's not me I'm not included in this I have a higher value Just a week ago you said That to the guy who was posturing that he had your dick pic,

run it. And now, look who's backing out. If it's for paper, I want a little more paper. 200K? 200K? No shot. 300K. That's not even a milestone.

What's your milestone? If we hit a million on this YouTube, then you can see my cock and ball. And can I say something really quick? This is a big comment. Can I say one fucking thing real quick? To the goddamn makers of YouTube, why is it that all of our viewers are messaging me saying, I can't hit the bell.

It says the channel's for children. Look, it's a YouTube-sided bug. I figured this out. I reached out. It's a YouTube-sided bug. Basically, people were subbing right when the channel was made, which isn't normal with channels. So they subbed before the channel

was approved as a kid-friendly channel. Not kid-friendly channel. Yeah. Well, before it was approved as one. Right. And so all the people who subbed before have this weird bug where it thinks they're stuck

in a kid-friendly channel. Susan, that wily bitch. So you have to un-hit the bell, refresh, and then re-hit the bell. That's how you fix it. Stop fucking DMing me it stop fucking dming me stop fucking dming me i'm so sick of this shit well hey i feel like if they're stuck inside the children youtube dimension they deserve to be mad because they're getting like peppa pig videos

that's true also if you want to dm anyone dm at aiden calvin yeah uh you know he actually is really interested in getting lunch with some of you Exchanging information I have a new bit That was the top comment It's not a new bit This is the new shilling thing You go into the podcast And you read 5 star reviews Can we do that?

Because you're not allowed to say rate my podcast 5 stars But you can read out 5 star reviews So real quick I'm going to go to the yard And I'm going to look And I'm going to read a 5 yard, and I'm going to look, and I'm going to read a five-star review. We are popping way more on Spotify than Apple Music. It's actually starting to even out now.

Okay. Apple Music, we're like 1,097. In Spotify, we're like 40. Apple Music is the wrong app. I think that's a different app. Oh, Apple Podcasts. This is a good one. It's easy for people this clouded up to start a podcast, but the yard is the real deal.

Yeah, we're actually funny. Sorry. No, sorry. I'm i'm also to be fair none of these fucks are clouded i'm not clouded up none of them are one guy is clouded i will say i will say i uh last week you count as clouded no i think he doesn't have as many followers as prezzo oh come on really funny yeah and prezzo gets dumb-dumb interaction. Prezzo's not clouded, all right? You changing your opinion on Prezzo is like the perfect exhibit of how you evaluate. Prezzo has 60.3k slime. Dude, we were talking for Prezzo for so long.

His ego's going to be so big. We're talking about him for so long right now. Prezzo? I have 7k more than Prezzo, and I have like 2,500 people blocked, which count as double followers. Obviously not. That's true. On the note of Clouded Up, I went to a

what's that coffee shop? Dutch Bros. We don't have them around here. I was near one out in the desert area and I went to one and there was a guy there who was like you're Nick from the yard. Yeah, that's nice. So. That's nice. So fuck you, Aiden. Hey.

Fucking loser. Yeah. He's right. I had a guy like me on Hinge who said that. Really? How about that? Did you talk to him? He ran like a whole bit about how I'm the guy on the podcast that nobody likes in the

pick up line. Did you reply? I like this guy. I didn't. I didn't. What likes in the pickup line. Did you reply? I like this guy. I didn't. What if his pickup line was, you could give me shingles? Yeah, right? It gives the nod that he knows

without being overly bearing. But it's also meaning, I want to touch your skin on my skin, your rancid, horrible skin. Or we talked about shingles. We said we would never do it again. No, well, it's more like referring to it. I actually want to talk about it

because on my subreddit, one of the top posts was merch idea, and it was the yard logo. And it was a blue sweatshirt in dark blue where the shingles were. Yeah. Which was tasteful, I thought. A lot of people have pitched the idea of a shingle shirt. Yeah.

I thought it was funny. I think it's funny to do commemorative merch on an illness you have. Like when I got my appendix removed, if I was like appendix shirt, drop. Yeah. I agree. I think that's good. If I don't fill my chest hole i'll do chest hole shirts or like white shorts which a bunch of drops down the thighs to signify you know what a little bit oh my my gonorrhea diaper gonorrhea merch it's just shorts with a paper uh like a cartoon paper towel yeah that's what i did or we

could do we could do yard diapers. We watched Goldmember the other day. It was last night. And he just keeps saying, Hey, diaper lady, here's my diaper. And I was like, you know what? Still holding on. When you're losing your powers,

it's so fucking funny. Accents are funny. So wait, real quick. We had a merch brainstorm. It was me and Nick. Just because you guys were gone And we were just like In the fucking zone

We were in the lab I'm gonna leak one item That I think we should do And you haven't heard this And you haven't heard this I haven't heard And I wanna hear what you think It's a license plate bracket

And it has like A cartoon like guy Maybe it's like a circle Okay And he's got like gloves And it just says I'd rather be And then on the bottom

Pulling my pud And it's got like gloves. And it says, I'd rather be, and then on the bottom, pulling my pud. And it's like, wait, so like for a license plate? Yeah, it's a license plate bracket. You know when you go to like Sports Chalet and it's like, I'd rather be fishing. Yeah. Or it's one of those. I'd rather be pulling my pud. Or like Rocky Mountain Subaru.

Yeah. You know, when you buy it there. Pulling my pud is like just vague enough to that you could you can kind of get away with it yeah you know yeah you can't really put like pulling my cock do you remember like there was that time that cutie was wearing the shirt that just said come in me on it and she wore his i know it was my she commandeered she wore it to target but she had forgotten that she wore it and she kept getting like really weird looks and she was like oh my fucking god like and that she wore it and she kept getting like really weird looks and she was like oh my fucking god

like and then she ran out of the store I think she left right away without like buying anything she just left without getting what she was supposed to get but pulling my pud like sits on the fence enough

that you might be able to get away with it what it gets by is it gets by boomers because they won't get it or maybe it doesn't no boomers do get it that's the problem

the zoomers won't get it if boomers get it that's the problem the people most likely to be offended will get it because I wore cum in me in Vegas without knowing No, boomers do get it. No, the boomers will get it. The zoomers won't get it. If boomers get it, that's the problem. The people most likely to be offended will get it. Because I wore cum in me in Vegas without knowing. And some boomer was like, what's cum? No, it was like a young, hip, 30-year-old woman in front of the beer station. And she's like, I like that shirt because it's Vegas.

Yeah, they can say whatever they want. I wore it in the best place on earth to wear it. You wore it in the cesspool of North America. The other day, our friend Mike, we're in the car driving, and he's like, yeah, I watched that last episode of the podcast, and he's like, it was so fucking weird that none of you guys knew the term pud. And I'm like, you live in a town where tumbleweeds

are a problem. That's not my thought weird, but I don't think that. No, he doesn't live that desert-y, but yeah. There's a desert town where they deliver water to you. Until you said that, not a single time in my life had I heard the word pud You know what's crazy? You know what's crazy?

Alright, so you know how I made the joke on the last episode where I was like Oh, pulling my pud, that sounds like a Primus lyric Someone tweeted at me and they were like, it is And they sent me the name of a Primus song and the lyrics And they literally say it in a Primus song You probably also made that association because they have a song called My Name is Mud Yeah, I think that's where it came from Because of my name is mud i think it's why i said that but uh by the way guys we're figuring out what to do with this exclusive dangerous well here's

the real question let us know because slime called up his papa and asked about the story of the origin we were all hanging out yeah and he calls me and i'm like yo hold on i didn't answer and i was like he was like go get something to record this i'm like running and so and he calls me and i'm like hey dad what's up and uh yeah i just asked him immediately i'm like i'm hanging out with a bunch of friends yeah and i told them the story i look i didn't tell him i have a podcast he kind of already knows he's like hey you got any more uh slime video like you laugh at the monkey you gotta get more monkey video he likes those he at the monkey. You got any more monkey video? He likes those?

That's all he's seen. That's great. But he sees the views and he's like, oh, shit. So I was like, I told my friends about that time you were in an orgy when you were like 17. He's like, yeah, San Francisco. And he just starts telling me the whole story. Six minutes. I showed Ludwig a little bit of it.

Aiden hasn't heard any of it. And what I'll say, I'm not going to overhype it. I'm not going to overhype it. I listened to it. I was on the fucking floor laughing. He had to not laugh. Let us know if you little bit of it. Aiden hasn't heard any of it. And what I'll say, I'm not going to overhype it. I'm not going to overhype it. I listened to it. I was on the fucking floor laughing. He had to not laugh. Let us know if you want to see it. Yeah.

We'll figure out a distribution method. Maybe this is Patreon content. Yeah. That's what, you know what? Who knows? Who knows? The future is far away, but it's coming fast. It is coming fast.

Speaking of things you shouldn't do like tell six minute stories about an orgy knowing you're on speakerphone with your son's friends i'm gonna ask if you guys have ever done this you know how airplane bathrooms because i went on an airplane recently to hang out cutie's family they uh they do the suction thing when you flush they suck your poop out and they turn into rocks that fall on your head what wait from where from the sky like it falls okay right if a rock ever falls on your head probably poop but if a rock falls on your head you die but no it's like a small like any rock because it breaks apart for sure let's anyway there's a a big sign right below it i don't know if you guys know this it says do not sit while flushing wait what yeah what? Yeah. Wait. Because it's going to suck you through like a cartoon?

Is it going to be like one of those, have you ever read one of those like pool horror stories of like someone putting their ass on the pool jet and then their like intestine gets sucked out or something? What? Have you ever read one of those? No. That sounds like a creepypasta. Yeah, I think it was.

There's like this old story that used to get like reposted on like Reddit and 4chan a bunch and it was about this kid who like, you know know would put his ass on the pool jet and then one day it's like he got stuck and it you know his his intestine inverted oh yeah well it's called the pink sock when you're having fun when you're not it's called the medical emergency pro-life anus and you die well so i tried it that's where the story's called a prolapsed anus and you die. Well, so I tried it. That's where the story's going. I sat on the plane. Wait, did you see this warning and you were like, I'm going for it.

Fucking make me. What I did is I pissed sitting down. I got up, I flushed, and I saw the sign and I sat back down. Yeah. And I said, I'm going to do this so I have a story for the podcast. Yeah, you're a fucking king. Okay. I think what the future holds for us is that we sit on toilets and press a button and it

just sucks the shit out for us. Out of our butthole. It goes up in our butthole. But then that, what Eamon said happens to us. And then it goes into a sequence. Yeah, there's going to be accidents. You know like in the future when they send mail, and it goes through a tube, and it's like a montage?

It's going to be like that. Future bidets are going to do that, and there's a button for top at the same time. It's like in the old days of Shakespearepeare they thought there were four humors in your body like bile and like black bile and like blood and like in fago in fago and basically you're just sucking out all of the bad humors it's like calm to shit anyway what happened so i did it first i was kind of scared right because i thought like it might suck me. I thought I'd get circumcised or something. That'd be terrible. That'd be terrible.

That pulls off the foreskin. That'd be weird. So first one I do, I'm loose-legged. There's air between, and it pulls, and it just tickles me a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Second time, I go airtight. Oh, shit. I'm doing the goat formation.

I'm getting like a cock and balls. And I squeeze my thighs tight. I'm like puckering right now. And I squeeze them tight and I like lean in. I put all my pressure. I like seal everything. I use like TP to block everything. Well, let's see what happened.

Dude, what if it ripped your balls off? So I flush. Nothing. Just a little tug. Like a gentle tug on the balls. It gave you a little tug though? A slight tug. Man.

And I was, and I felt, I felt, I was like, whoa. Thank gosh. light tug man uh and i was and i felt i felt what was like whoa thank gosh i do wonder if there's a responsibility of us to like tell people not to do things that in toilets you should write under no try it might harm you try it at home let us know if you get hurt right under the sign sharpie on the wall it's like i did it it's fine it's just like a sign it says cap declaration of independence for everyone who's done it i did it amen you have been on probably more planes than any of us because of your pilot dad who who loves top gun the movie really loves top gun he loves that movie he does he does it's his favorite movie and he loves it so much so what have you ever encountered this problem in

a airplane bathroom this the suction problem yeah no i feel like you have a lot he would never have been brave enough to sit i've ever seen this sign have you ever pooped on a toilet in a point yeah absolutely how many times countless yeah have you jerked off have you jerked off oh one time hey me too one time really out of the out of the hundreds of flights, I've done it one time. The Kyle High Club, is what you would call it. It was a really long flight. How long?

It was nine hours. Who were you traveling with? No, I was alone. Imagine. It was my mom and dad. I was alone. I've traveled alone for most of the traveling. Do you want cookies or pretzels?

Just don't talk to me. No, because I was doing the backlog on this. when when you brought up that conversation of like between you and your friends like oh where's where's like the weirdest place and i was like absolutely the plain bathroom yeah i only once it what wait okay what airline uh it was i think it was lufthansa wait bro what is that real thing you made that up I think it's a bar of soap. Is that a Pokemon? Lufthansa is like the biggest German airline. Okay.

Lufthansa is nuts. Is this the setup? Imagine he gets us. That would be crazy. 90 minutes later, he's like, oh, by the way, Lufthansa this day. The reason I did mine, it was my first first class flight. And you were just like into yourself? This was like three years ago.

This was like a couple years ago. So you're like, what's the classiest thing I could do with this ticket you're like dude you're like patrick bateman i do like you're like pointing at yourself in the mirror while you're having sex i was like it's funny i don't know if i'll do this again i basically did it for the exact opposite reason i kept staring at my ticket jerking off in like a sardine in economy like sleeping yeah and i'm like and i i'm hard and it will not go away like no matter what i do i'm no this is like two years ago and it just and it just won't go away and i'm like dude i can't i can't deal with this because i either have to keep my legs crossed for the rest of this flight

and or like risk like the dude who is centimeters away from me seeing this dude just do a healthy up tuck huh no no sitting down up tuck you don't understand how long i waited this is like we're talking like 60 i get rando boners on cars all the time and planes sometimes so i feel you and i'm like i i have to i we have to get the job done up tuck where your pants are actually just down and it's under your shirt well yeah that's the thing so if you up tuck but you're sitting any movement that kind of brings your shirt you're gonna see it that's so risky i want to be that's also i've never tucked in my life because of that risk yeah i've never also you're supposed to you're supposed to tuck under the pants then pull your underwear above the tip and then shirt

over all that dude you know what like a benchy ghost what people don't talk about is like as it fades away you you sort of have the drawbridge effect where it sort of falls back down it starts looking bad it means 12 inch medieval cough yeah dude my friend in freshman biology one time we had this bit where we would run usually outside of school no one had done it at school before where you would you would flash your nutsack to your friend in class. Yeah, the bubble gum. Yeah, bubble gum, like Batman, all these different things. You know what I hate about this, by the way, is that this is happening in school and not a fucking thing has changed for you.

What are you talking about? Yeah, that is true. Wait, what do you mean? He's still doing that today. He's still doing this today at 31 years old. It was usually a bit you would run when you're hanging out at your friend's house or like party whatever uh my friend decides to do it in biology so i'm sitting in class and uh my friend like makes a noise to like motion me and i look over and he has his nutsack out of the side of his shorts and i start laughing my ass off because

i'm like whoa this environment that's the hardest bit of this environment that ball sack and then the teacher rounds the corner and sees his nuts hanging out of his shorts and he goes like and she she like and i'm like oh my god i looked down i'm like put my head down and then he gets kicked out of class and he was suspended from school good dude it was i was that teacher must have seen that and thought dude i'm gonna get like a like a felony yeah right i just saw like a little kid's ball sack i'm just trying to teach biology what i'm imagining right now have you guys ever seen twilight like the movie yeah i actually haven't you know the scene where she walks into the into the biology room for the first time and he likes caesar i'm picturing that scene but you walking in and then catching your friends nutsack i i don't when you

teed that up i was thinking about edward cullen he sees her for the first time he's like hey dude there's just like there's this really really shitty movie that came out uh like fucking like 12 years ago something called taint light it's in that era it's in that era of like shit parody movies like epic movie oh and uh is it a softcore porn no it's a twilight of shit parody movies, like epic movie. Oh. Is it a softcore porn? No, it's a Twilight parody. But it's just like a $100,000 budget shit tier actor.

There's no one you know in the movie. It's one of you? That sounds like a bit that would be in that movie. Are you talking about Vampire Suck? No, it's called Paint Light. That's what it's called. There's two Twilight parodies. There's probably actually way more. There's way more.

It was a cultural reset as they say. Dude, on the whole class thing, I've won more of those. Yeah. In eighth grade, I'll never fucking forget this. So everyone remembers that the shock site, Blue Waffle, right? Right. Yeah. So if you're under the age of 18, please do not look that up. If you're over, you know, have fun. So in eighth grade, I was in pre-algebra And we were playing this game Where the class gets divided Into two sides of the room Not even algebra You were in 8th grade

In pre-algebra Yeah Hold up That's for stupid kids You're stupid Pre-algebra Stupid kid You learn algebra

In like the 6th grade 8th grade is geometry bro 7th grade is algebra Wait 8th grade We didn't have geometry In middle school 9th grade calculus 10th grade trigonometry

11th grade I'm done with trigonometry, eleventh grade. Maybe I was algebra one, but I think I was pre-algebra. No, man, you probably were pre-algebra. You were dumb as shit. You're fucking stupid. You guys had geometry in middle school? So you were in your school class where everyone was wearing a helmet. This guy couldn't do shapes.

I didn't trig in freshman year. Is that normal? Your brain looks like a marble. And there's like big triangles on the wall. So I was in the gifted class for geniuses. And we're playing this game where we get divided into two sides of the room. And then you both have team names and you do like a question, like whatever. And the teacher was like, oh, like left side of the class, what do you guys want your name to be?

And they're like, oh, the fucking whatever. And she's like, okay. Right side, what do you guys want to be? And my friend Christian goes, the blue waffles. And everyone starts laughing. And she's like, oh, that's fun. Okay. And she writes blue waffle up on the board.

And everyone's just losing their mind. It's like oh, that's fine. Okay, and she rides blue Yeah, awful up on the board and everyone just losing their mile like a legend the hidden temp This is like the one class sound like every skater in the school was in the same class. It was just fucking mayhem I can't believe you figured out left after right How is he able to walk so good, bro? I can't believe he figured out left after right. Anyway. So, and so everyone's laughing. And she's like, why are you guys laughing?

Why are you guys laughing? And the same friend, Christian, goes, look it up. Dude. And then everyone goes. And stops laughing. Yeah, that's so funny. And she goes, like, what do you mean? And so we had, like, the projector board at the school. Right.

The computer, the teacher's computer is projecting onto the board. Yeah. And she just raw Googles it. And it has the preview up like for images and then she clicks on the image tab because the preview would be confusing yeah because she assumes that like it's a thing that she can like blue waffles or whatever and then it just pulls up in fucking 4k in front of everyone and that's lit. She slams the shit closed. It was heads down the rest of the class. Detention?

Like seven people didn't show up to school the next day. What? It was insane. It was like a hit list. Wow. Yeah, I was terrified. Did he get outed? No one ratted.

Wow. That's pretty lit that no one ratted. Surely someone rats after hours in most schools. People do love to rat. By the way, that reminded me. I think I've told this before but when 9-11 happened and that's so okay in the good transition and that's our coinbase transition of the day don't don't bring coinbase into that one listen in the discord that we have to like

coordinate shit for this podcast we have a channel called popic dump it's like if we reminded of something we just put it in there we have like stuff to talk about the last one in there i wrote it just says september 11th and i'd forgotten why it said that until just now oh when i was i'm old right i'm 31. super old when i was when i was 12 when i was 12. in the 70s when i was 11 years old it was september 11th yeah and a lot of time you know what's funny is was it in black and white yeah it's crazy i was like the fire looks so real and and but yeah like you guys a lot man your audience just actually doesn't remember it because they were literally one year old oh shot yeah i was 11 years old and i was in sixth grade and uh 9-11 occurs right that's pretty crazy and so we

all go back to homeroom and we're all like kind of like shuffled in we don't really know what's going on I don't know what's going on we have phones like that kind of shit and we're sitting down and our homeroom teacher is like really somber looking he's got to break the the news that these kids will never forget for the rest of their life, right? We're sitting there and this fucking girl Lauren, who is a grade ahead. Oh, and wait, she's in your class? Mm-hmm. She's in my homeroom. She's supposed to be in fifth grade. Yeah. Dumbass.

So she's smart. Definitely not pre-algebra for sure. She raises her hand. Honors. He goes, Lauren, and she says, did terrorists attack the World trade center today just spoils it for him she ruined 9-11 for all of us everyone goes oh the teacher quietly puts away sock puppets

i worked on this for so long and it was and i i at the time it was like yeah we just want to figure out what's going on but now looking back I was like a thing that changed the entire world. I was like, she ruined 9-11. She did spoil. For all of us. He would have said it in a nice way. Well, actually, I saw a movie called Zeitgeist and would actually have it. It's like I just came out an hour after.

And so I actually, because I remember telling you the story, and then I reached out to her. So I found her on Facebook. I haven't talked to her in like, I think she went to a different school or something and I messaged her. And I was like, hey, what's up? This is gonna sound really weird. And I was, do you remember when we were in

like Mr. Whatever's class and you raised your hand and you talked about 9-11 before he got to? And she's like, no, I don't. I was like, well, you kind of ruined it for me. Wow. Wait, what? What a psychopathic thing to tell her. I was like well you kind of ruined it for me Wow wait what I was like psychopathic like I was like lol oh say salvage yeah bro and she thought it was funny and yeah but yeah that is funny she didn't remember

you should ask other people from the classes they remember I should ask the teacher cuz he's probably like oh yeah it was a harrowing moment for me that was his moment yeah one moment that was his moment. That was his one moment. That was his Joker moment. Wherever he is right now, he's wearing makeup. He's not teaching. He's doing meth on the street next to the school. He's putting lipstick on. He's like, I fucking am the Gator, dude.

One of the craziest things that Ken ever told me at work, so Hotbid, as a lot of people might know him, works at Beyond the Summit. Older than me. And formerly with me and anthony and currently with nick and he was at nyu he had just started at nyu uh a few weeks before oh that's in new york new york your your anniversary and he tells like this really somber story of you know him his parents being worried about him moving to the city on his own and then him being there for like two weeks and then 9-11 happened and he was also like it's gonna be fine i'll be fine guys you're freaking out and then like the terrorists yeah

i thought it was gonna be fun and uh yeah the the way because because ken is usually this really like you know, funny guy. And he's always joking, like, about everything he's telling you. He's always running a bit of some sort. Yeah, it's always a joke of some kind. And it's the first thing he ever told me where I was like, damn, this is actually really, like, harrowing. Yeah, he's a human being when it comes to either 9-11 or atomic bombs. You know what Ken told me yesterday or today, actually?

So he showed all of his friends our podcast. But it was a bunch of friends that don't know anything about the space or anything. And he said, one of these people is famous. Who do you think that they unanimously decided that was? Me. Me, the bald guy. Wait, one of these is famous? What do you mean?

He said to his friends who don't know any of us, one of the people on the show is famous. Oh. Which one of them is it? And they unanimously chose one person. It was me, the bald guy. No, they must have gone four for four on Young Coots. Was it my thick thigh episode? Because if I let the thighs rock,

oh, it's going to be him, bro. You know what I hate about you? It's because I was about to say you. I was about to say you, and then you ruined it by talking about your thighs. Y'all motherfuckers don't know what's up. It's about you, bro. Why did they think it was you i

don't know maybe it's my because he didn't look like he could get through the rest of the world without being famous dude dumb ass as he is bro dude what are we doing what are we talking about hey hey hey no no no i thought we were doing a thing i needed that see i read the room because i've always been jealous of nick because his mom let him swear. I often think, like, Nick turned out pretty well for someone who, it seems, didn't have to ever experience consequence. Well, not entirely well. I went back home this week, and my mother asked me to, like, clean some of my stuff out of my old room. And I went through some of my old things, and I actually have one of them here I want to show you guys.

Oh. I found this in my room. He's fucking carrot top now. I had this in my room. Okay. This is a is a picture it's vertically inclined this was some of my art it's like two foot by eight inches i didn't make it no but this is gross it was in my stack of things i want to know what you guys thought it is an ugly hideous i'll be honest nick it looks racially charged wow yeah you got a racist clown So you were a racist kid who got to swear. I wasn't a kid.

Dude, this clown looks like the clown of the opening scenes of Batman. It's about to rob and murder. I think it's cool. Hide this. I'd put it away. I would not tell people about that. That's for sure.

Bro, it's not your birthday anymore. I can tell you. I was kidding. It's officially not your birthday. I also think it's lame yeah speaking of racist i got a great news story about matt damon can we go like breaking news news with ludwig anders in the morning in the morning do you hear about this yeah all right yeah yeah so it's so wait how is that that's not so it's not racism no it doesn't have anything to do with racism well it kind of is

you know kind of does it kind of I think all all bigotry has it's place in hell oh but I was I was really worried

that that was gonna stop at the word place I was I was like please keep the sentence going there was only two words that you could follow

that up with. So Matt Damon, look at my note for this. Wait. It's Matt. Come on. Why would you use this hand emoji? Ludwig is showing a gigantic note on his iPhone. It says Matt Damon, and then it's the F slur, and then it's waving.

I bleeped it out on my own phone. Yeah, he didn't type it out. He didn't bleep it out. I felt weird typing it out. That's how he calls a cab. Well, no, actually. So like Matt Damon, I guess he's from Boston, which means you say the F

slur a lot, you know, the homophobic one. And you might be racist. And you might be racist. You might beat an Asian man until he's blind. Mark Wahlberg style. Is Mark Wahlberg from Boston? Yeah. Mark, what are they putting in the dunker? That track record over there, man. What are they putting in the Dunkin' Donuts? That guy just didn't get caught. Dude, they got rid of the T, and then they, like, popped off.

And they were like, we cannot be touched. Anyway, he was just dropping that slur in his home, like, in front of his family, until his daughter was like, you can't say that. And he was like, why? Why? I'm not saying that. Come on come on you know it's just a joke bro she goes to your room writes a manifesto on how he shouldn't and then he's like so i dropped it yeah and the news article was like yeah he recently stopped a few months ago yeah that's

crazy no and he's coming the the crazy part is that he comes to the press and tells them he told which means which means in his head he's like yeah i figured it's not a big deal do the tm question the tm question hey uh any stories oh let me tell you about my daughters so i got jimmy fallon not to rope my family into this but the only celebrity I think my dad has ever met is Matt Damon really yeah he flew in first uh in first class on the on the plane that my dad flies right and then they talked for a while after the flight and he's just like what do you I was like what do you guys talk about and uh he's like we just talked about our kids the whole time yeah so you know very normal parenty stuff yeah I hope my daughter doesn't grow up to be gay.

Does Matt Damon have, like, sons? Matt Damon's quotes. No, I think he has daughters. He has, like, three or four. Infamously. It's funny. Matt Damon using that word a bunch in his house is, like, there's a Simpsons episode where Homer joins, like, the gun club, and he just has his pistol, and he just, like, uses it to, like,

shut off the TV and, like, open beers and shit. And he has his gun friends over like Homer, this is wrong. You're doing it wrong. And he's like, what? It's like that. Yeah. Um,

my dad also once met a celebrity. Uh, well, he talks a lot about David Bowie. He met David Bowie and like says he rules. He was like in his limousine. That's a good one. And like,

yeah. Cause my dad's like a musician and like says that he hung out with Bowie. But one time he said he met Vince Vaughn and he, Vince Van was like playing in uh he was like playing table games in a casino and my dad's a casino rat and he would he went up to him and he's like so this is what I did I know I had just read in an article where he like went to school and he went to school in like somewhere near where I did so I pretended that I was in his graduating class and went to his school so i went up to vince fawn like oh you're from the uh you know like chicago whatever right and vince fawn lights up and they end up hanging out for like three hours what a strat wow at some point

you gotta tell them though at some point you're gonna get crap that's called social engineering so here's what happened my dad he's like so we're hanging out we're just talking and stuff and he's like you know talking about what and they're all they're My dad, he's like, so we're hanging out. We're just talking and stuff. And he's like, you know, talking about water. And they're both old. So it's like maybe they did bond over some shit. My dad's just like fucking lying to this celebrity. Yeah. And so how it ends the night is he's like, so yeah, you know, Vince Vaughn, he's like

telling me, he's like, hey, you want to come up to my hotel room? You know, I got like some booze and some girls and stuff. And I'm like, yeah, sure. And I go up with him. And then he goes into his hotel room and i'm like yeah sure and i go up with him and then he goes into his hotel room and there's like a bodyguard in front and vince vaughn walks in the door shuts and then the bodyguard's like damn yeah it's left behind yeah it's really that's not like yo vince your bodyguard just said no yeah but but what i'm thinking is maybe my dad just kind of followed him

yeah that's probably they didn't go together and also this guy wasn't vince vaughn dude i've done that i've done that before you've at my first ever smash evo i sat down at a table with lovage oscar who was like a pretty big commentator i've never told this story to anyone but aiden and uh and and we're playing and i'm having the time of my life because i'm like a huge smash fan i'm a nobody in the scene i'm just in arizona you're like short you're stupid lovage is just like a really cool guy too yeah he gives off he's very chill very likable berserker and he's the he's the type of guy that's awesome you you would want to like you he's yeah he's the type of guy

that in person would also come off like really cool where like many smashers would be lame yeah so we sit down at this table we're having a good time or at least i'm having a great time and he's like all right i'm gonna leave tables and i'm like i'll come too and we go to a different table we're playing there probably like an hour or two total right and then he's like oh i'm gonna go to the bathroom i'll be right back and i was like oh i'll go to the bathroom too my friends with me and he's like Oh I'm gonna go to the bathroom I'll be right back And I was like Oh I'll go to the bathroom too My friend's with me And he's like Nah man you just like

Let him go to the bathroom And I'm like alright He's like yeah don't worry man I'll be right back Never comes back Yeah get fucking owned No He never came back

Did he take his controller? He took everything Oh he's not going to the bathroom He's not going to the bathroom Dude he just ditched your stupid ass He ditched me Cause I was a loser Following him around

Dude before That rule Before we're too far away From the dad meeting celebrity thing my dad also once met a celebrity okay uh my dad met jackie chan at a marketing conference and this is how that went so my dad so jackie chan is like is like pushing some product or something at a marketing conference it's like his like foundation or whatever and uh my dad's there and he uh he tells me this whole story so my dad comes home one day with an xbox 360 and he has an inbox in his hand he goes i got you an xbox i'm like freaking out i'm like oh fuck i got an xbox holy shit and so he sets it down and

he tells me how he met jackie chan and he's like yeah i was at this marketing conference and jackie chan i don't really know why but they were selling xboxes and i'm like what and he's like yeah so i bought one because they were like really this they were like $100 cheaper than what they are normally. And I'm like, that's awesome. And you met Jackie Chan. Tell me about that. He's like, yeah, yeah. I went out.

I said hi to him, all this stuff. And then I'm like, oh, well, I mean, cool, whatever. Fuck that. I want to fucking play with this Xbox. So I go and I open up the box, and it's just Jackie Chan books in the box. So for one, he got scammed. And two, I learned my dad's a racist guy who just did not meet Jackie Chan. And he just met some guy.

Was it actually Jackie Chan books though? To this day, I will never know. That's a good question. Because he got sold off an Xbox 360 box with a bunch of Jackie Chan biographies in it. But they were Jackie Chan biographies. Yes. And he bought it thinking it was an Xbox. Yes.

He bought it being told it was an Xbox. Wow. That's crazy. That's crazy. And there's no way that happened. It was definitely Jackie Chan biography. Yes. And he bought it thinking it was an Xbox. Yes. He bought it being told it was an Xbox. Wow. That's crazy. That's crazy. And there's no way that happened. It was definitely some Jackie Chan.

It was like a Jackie Chan impersonator for sure. 100%. There's no way Jackie Chan on his hustled Russell was trying to make 150. It's so much funnier

if he can go back and confirm somehow that it actually was Jackie Chan. Yeah, Jackie Chan trying to make a book. First, I'm disappointed because there's no

books on here. Second, I'm disappointed because there's no books on here. Second, I'm like, what happened to you? How did this, how am I here with this? You used to be so cool. Dude, one time I was on a date

and I was, it was actually the same time I went and saw Star Wars. It was in downtown, I remember. The original Star Wars, 1979.

Yeah, it was crazy they had lightsabers you know those were and like the guy was there he's clapping and shit i was fucking incensed but but we were walking around downtown la and uh we passed by this guy who's like he was selling cds on the corner again a boomer right it is me this is like a couple years ago and he's like he saw cds like hey this this is a new Tarantino soundtrack. This is the soundtrack to the new movie that has not come out yet. And he's like,

he's like selling it on the corner. I thought he was giving them away. This was actually so embarrassing. This is the oldest trick in the book. Yeah, you got fucked. And he's like, dude, I hate this guy. Because he was like,

yeah, and he's like handing it out. And I'm like, yeah, I'll take one. And I grab it. And then I keep walking. He's like, and he looks at me because he was like, yeah. And he's like handing it out. And I'm like, yeah, I'll take one. And I grab it. And then I keep walking. He's like, and he looks at me. He's like, you're going to pay for that?

Like an asshole. And I'm in front of this girl. And I'm like, uh-oh. And I'm like, how much? And he's like, 10 bucks. I'm like, yeah. And then I do it. And I look like a total fucker.

Dude, I've done the same thing. I was walking into a Best Buy. They pull up on a car, and they go, hey. And I'm like, what's up? And they're like, hey, you want my mixtape? And I was like, yeah, I'll have it. I don't want to be a dick. It's hard to say no.

So I grab it, and then he holds it while I'm holding it. And he's like, come on, you're not going to pay me? And then I'm like, ugh. And they basically just forced you out of sheer embarrassment. They embarrass you. To pay. They use the power of shame to get your money. The thing is, if you know about it, you'll never do it.

Right. But if you've never experienced it, you'll just feel shame. You just walk around. You just walk around with your mixtape in your back pocket. When he goes, you want your mixtape? It's like, you want mine? It's just, Perry! Nowadays, you could be like, yeah, what's this Spotify?

And it'll be like, no, I got a physical. I'd be like, relax, boomer. Yeah, right. All right. But don't fall for that. I will say I walked in the Best Buy.

They go, are you okay? Like what happened there? I was like, no, I was a friend. No. I didn't want to seem like a bitch in front of the people. That's how Riff Raff got his first rise. Really?

He was hustling mixtapes at the mall like that. Yeah. Yeah. He made it. He's a huge artist now. It can work. That's like saying, you know, the people in Twitch chat who plug their channel in random

streams. One dude. That guy now. Hey, that guy. Dr. Lupo. Yeah. You might not have heard of him. I do wonder.

Who is the most? You might know this, Ludwig. Who is the most like the Twitch streamer that is big now that had the most shameless start? I mean, there's a few shameless people. I mean, like, even Mizkiff to an extent. Yeah, that's true. He saw shit. When the camera was off and he was with Ice.

Starting from filming Ice Poseidon is, like, that's shameless. You know, it's like, but he's made a long way since then, you know. Okay, yeah, he's got a cover for his fucking man. He's good, he's good. Well, he's good. way since then you know okay yeah he's got a cover he's good he's good yeah well he's good no cover for him too you got the fucking well i don't i don't know if there's anyone that's like hey sweaters gonna be on he probably probably the answer is probably greek got x really yeah because he would actually just stream snipe people oh like in games yeah okay like he would stream snipe soda pop' and then Tyler won. And then from stream sniping became big. Was he better than them?

No, he was terrible. He was just kind of funny in the mic. He had just an accent. I see. He was incessantly annoying, but some people on the stream liked him. That's fine, I guess. And he gets there. He got there.

You watched a lot of Greek growing up. Greek? I remember the old, old house when you weren't even like your job and stuff. You would just be eating cereal like at night watching Greek just on your phone. He was a forerunner

because right now there's no meta on Twitch. There's no games to play. Seems like people are kind of trying to figure out how to play Apex Legends. And Greek would right now

the only thing that's actually popping up is reacting. And that's what Greek did like two, three years ago. he's about to bring that down yeah he is about to destroy reacting you hear about this oh he's doing the he's fighting the olympics yeah he got a dmca for fair use or something because he had the olympics on stream and he's fighting for fair use wait is that what it was yeah it was the olympics i believe it's the olympics yeah that he got a strike for okay so he's actually gonna push back that's pretty he's actually fighting

it a couple facts that i didn't realize one his lawyer is the video game attorney yeah okay whose name is morrison who we use yes who we pay exorbitant amounts to what's funny about this is he's the same lawyer that h3h3 used ethan uh oh when he won his case no oh wait when he started his case and then he dropped that lawyer because he was like nah he's not cutting it i will say i read that thread and i was like do we have the wrong guy that's what i thought too and i was like what i almost dm'd you and i was like bro what's going on dude on? Dude, I thought the same thing. Let's just say this. Would you rather trade in the lawyer we have, Ludwig, for someone who has a billboard? Oh, dude.

But if it's like a funny billboard. Right. Yeah. Like a sick billboard lawyer. Oh, like Sweet James? Sweet James, bro. You guys should do. Why is his name Sweet James?

Just drive down. Just pick a highway in SoCal. Yeah. And just get a pool of the people that come up on billboards for car insurance cases. Yeah. And then just roll a dice. Pick one. That's your guys' sweet lawyer.

No, you invite all of them, and they battle royale. They battle royale. Sick idea. Make a new Twitch channel and only advertise it on billboards this happened this happened to me literally what i was in i was in la and i went to this bagel spot and i was walking on the street eating my bagel and i see on a billboard there's a ad for a twitch stream it's like a super fucking small stream the ad looks like shit they obviously made it themselves like yeah but they somehow got the funds to go to make a billboard right and. And I was like, one, how cheap are billboards?

Two, we should do a billboard. How hype would that be? We should do a billboard. You guys want to do a billboard? I've called before. So it depends. Obviously, there's some billboards. Yeah.

It's like variable. It's variable. But the cheapest billboards you can get are city park billboards. So like city park benches have like little billboards on them. Do you know park bench Ludwig ad? Yeah. You know what we should do? We should get a random billboard and whoever finds it gets our merch for free.

Ooh. Wait, if you find it, you sit on the bench. You sit on the bench and take a picture with it. Sit on the bench, take a picture with it. And we only take a picture of the billboard, no context with it. That's not a bad idea. And it can be in, like, Iowa. Billboard marketing's just kind of funny now.

Yeah. It's funny because the marketing is not from the billboard. It's from the YouTube video you make buying a billboard. Oh, sure, I guess. Well, billboards fucking work. That's for influencers. But like, no, it's not about drive. Dude, there was one.

All the lawyer ones are crazy. But it literally said like, I attorney. Like lowercase I, like an iPod. Oh, yeah. They're trying to use. Everyone uses that. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? And I'm like, someone is driving.

And they're like, huh, like the iPhone. I'm going to call that guy. And I'm like, I you fucking kidding me? And I'm like, someone is driving and they're like, huh, like the iPhone. I'm going to call that guy. And I'm like, I want to kill myself. That's crazy that that would work. I want to know the percent. I want to know how many calls they get. You'd be insane. Dude, I had to explain.

So I hung out with Q and her family and they had like a family friend. I had to explain a man crypto for the first time in my life. No. Yeah. Because he was like, what are you investing in? You became crypto dude at the family event? I had to explain crypto and the worst part you're not even you're you're family adjacent this is the worst thing

ever so he's like he just because he's uh he's uh he's a real estate guy and uh and so we're talking he's like what are you investing in and i have to explain to him not only pokemon boxes right not only pokemon cards but i go through crypto which i'm not that crazily invested into, but he knows nothing. So I'm like working through like, yeah, there's Bitcoin and like Ethereum. How old is he? He's not like that old, but he literally is a boomer beyond belief for his age. He's never seen a Disney movie. Okay.

I know. I know. He's just a boomer, right? But here's the weird part. While I'm explaining this, I'm at a Starbucks. A viewer comes up. No. Yeah, he was hovering the whole time, right?

Because he walked in and he made a face at me and he did this. And I was like, oh, no. And then I continue talking, explaining it. He's in line, not more than five feet, listening to every word of me explaining crypto. He leaves. He goes for a fist bump. And then he was in my chat today. Jacob shouts out, all right, on the DL. You know what was up but no narks alfrab was that's so weird yeah so he heard me have to

explain to a boomer crypto in all my investments you were his lovage i was but there was no bathroom well yeah there was no bathroom to escape that time wait how did he respond to you describing that it's digital money now? And he's like, oh. Does it click at some point in the conversation? I just glaze over. I don't get it. I don't know why. Nothing will make you feel like more of a dumbass than trying to explain crypto,

being deemed the guy who knows the most about it, and then like, I don't know. You're like, yeah, you can mine it. They're like, what. Right. And then, like, I don't know. You're, like, knowing. They're, like, yeah, you can mine it. They're, like, what's mining? And you're, like, ah, blockchain. Dude, I was, like, I was trying to explain how blockchain and Ethereum is better,

but I don't know why. So, like, there's a graphics card involved, and, like, it makes money? So, like, if you want to play, like, Crisis, right? Yeah. I'm still confused. I think I heard of that one. I'm still confused because I, like, I follow FaZe Banks, and he'll post his nfts and he'll be like just sold my punk man and i don't get it 500k

no no and i'm like i i don't get this so no but what you can do in that situation is because yeah duh because if they don't know what you're talking about yeah then you can say whatever you want right and so you should have taken that opportunity to fuck with this guy and be like he's like what's bitcoin all right so it's like every time so you know jeff bezos every time george soros kills a person in real life right their blood gets turned into money on the internet and then you trade that they put it into a mold and then they hate it that's when a coin is minted or uh as some people say mine yeah the coin exists it's just in a different country it's in geneva my favorite my favorite crypto uh uh legend is of our friend eric who uh we went to the same college and he was in the architecture department which uh

they have their own building and you have a key card and you can go in 24 hours anytime you want you can enter this building and you can use it um so he left a second commuter he had mining dogecoin back when dogecoin was a meme 24 hours for all four years he was at college just under his desk one day he wakes up he's got all this fucking doge and he's just like oh cool hype and then doge blows up yeah and he's got a shit ton of it that guy's been i'll just say eric's been getting fucking tattoos we know a doge millionaire yeah but dude the problem is he doesn't sell it it peaked at 80 cents he didn't sell any of it and then he buys like sold a bunch he sold a bunch did he yeah for a while he was buying he didn't sell and he was buying but i was just like dude dude he didn't have to pay for any of the electricity because he was just scamming the school.

Yeah, that's sick. The school funded his Doge empire. They're like, so the architecture guys, do they need like building electricity? Why do they get so much electricity? The university fulfilled its duty in making him become successful. Yeah, they set him up for everything. He went to college for free. So the moral of the story is if you have access to like a library or something

scam them for their start morning yard coin the first and only crypto uh well boys it's about time that we tell you about coinbase coinbase corn base corn base proud and solo sponsor so far of the podcast uh i don't think we have a download code yet no well you keep saying yet as if you speak to any representative ever i say yeah because i just listened to a tiny meat gang yeah cody co and noelle miller's podcast they have a coinbase sponsor they have a code okay well let's get a handle on a code. So Coinbase. Hey, use code for downloading coin. What's the thing? We won't have it.

We won't have it by then. We won't have it by then. We won't have a code. You know, bureaucratic business. Maybe we reach out and get a code. We'll just put code not available. Here's what you do. You download Coinbase and you give some love from the yard on all the socials.

So the social media guy can be like all right boss like i get you buy and sell crypto strategically in a way where you spell out yard on a graph yeah and yeah they can't ignore it you make a big y which is a common shape in graphs anyway uh enough about all that jazz i uh what did i have this is me you're doing the me i'm doing the u right i hate doing the u but i had some jesus oh i was thinking about it because I was thinking about the coinbase Um twitter guy, you know who dm'd me or who followed me who I dm'd Naomi Watts the united kingdom who wants to be a millionaire twitter account what and I dm'd them because I thought it was funny Because they're verified I dm'd them and i'm i'm like yo uh hope you're having a good day

social media guy something like that and he's like yeah man yeah man and i'm like let me know if you have a fire tweet i'll bump it he goes all right bet why are you it just has it shopping it up in dms with because maybe if my streaming career goes to shit i can win a million dollars i will say ludwig's been hedging his bets lately i can be a millionaire and you know what in the uk it's called who wants some fucking quid con you want some fucking pence you pussy so ludwig has been hedging his bets not recently i think you see the end coming i think you think that you're washed i think you so slime just found out because i have this unabashed confidence that he's like he sometimes i'll be like yeah i don't know if this will work and he's like what

what do you mean what do you mean you're always you always know it's gonna work for like the first three months that we were working on the yard i was like yeah it'll be great and everyone's like okay yeah okay yeah and then the day before we're gonna shoot i'm like yeah this could bomb and they're like what but you say like why say that because i don't have secret knowledge all right i'm just using my unabashed confidence to give you some i have been hedging my bets a long time this is like you pitching me the job in the garage and then being like hey easy eight figure business easy and don't laugh and then he quits his job and then i don't even i don't even say wow cool i'm like, really?

Eight figures? And then he does fake math while we're in the gym to get us to eight figures? And then I just don't have enough information. You just believe him. You just believe what he said. And then he quits his job, and I'm like, I don't know about this business. That's what he says. I said eight figures? Why would you do that?

What is wrong with you? Look, I think confidence is key to get things going off the ground. I think it'll be great. So why not just continue with the confidence? Well, I am. I'm just also, you know, because when he asks me questions I can't answer, I have to be like, yeah, I don't know. David Gorman, take me back.

I learned it when I worked at my vape company. Yeah? When you were a merchant of death? You always say my vape company. I do. Stop saying that. Your vape company where you killed high school students. Well, they're not dead yet. Give them 50 years. Popcorn lung, one kid at a time.

They don't get hot enough for popcorn lung, all right? There's good vapes shaped like iPod shuffles. They're nice and cold. You put the ice in them for the bomb. Don't vape is the key to this. I only vaped zero nicotine when I worked there. But one of the things that my boss did, because he was like my actual boss, CEO. He was from China.

Wasn't there like three people that worked at this company? The American office had like 12. But the guy from China, he was really big on like getting numbers and stats to back things up so i had this whole campaign to size to sign face a bit of a numbers guy oh that's right i remember this i had this whole campaign to sign phase banks i talked to their manager i had worked out the price was three hundred thousand dollars yeah for six months he had like snapchat instagram he would only vape that uh we had a big deal worked out and he's like you need to show me this will work i made up the numbers no that's i made up the numbers on like

how much return it would get because i didn't know dude this is so this is so funny because it's just like you you at this job before any of this blew up it's like creating fake numbers yeah so that balding FaZe Clan owner can rip it come on we got one here bro well so I go through and I based off of how much it's gonna cost and like I like I knew the viewers but what I bullshitted is, like, what the return's going to be, because I don't know what viewers will— Yeah, so we're going to do about seven. He's like, seven? Thousand?

Hundred thousand. I make up a bunch of numbers. I do this report. I sell it. I'm a great salesman, all right? I have a great voice, great timbre, very confident. After the report, he says, and I quote, quote all right this was the greatest report i've ever received and i go thank you and he goes give me a day i need to think on this i didn't think

it'd be this difficult oh my god wow he never told us any of this he did tell me about the the bank steal and how he was working on it and how much money and i was like are you fucking kidding i worked on it for a while. I, the numbers were all right until it was sales for the company. Cause that's how am I supposed to know that you don't, if, if,

if face banks is a Snapchat story with a swipe up for, for a million views, what does that mean? I don't know. Well, the thing is a lot of people don't. Yeah. So,

so marketing is all bullshit. It is just like explaining crypto to that old guy that's why i have a degree in it yes i say that you can we say that you just cheated all the time oh my god they can take allegedly they can take it back they can take it i don't even know if i got my diploma in the mail that's how fucking little i cared allegedly allegedly that happened you cheated all the time i I cheated in online classes, allegedly. I cheated the same way that rappers kill people, you know? Like, if they got asked to, it's a song.

Dude, I love that Key & Peele sketch where they're like, I murdered Justin in the streets at 947. Dude, allegedly, during my capstone in college, the teacher is just like, right so um i have to

go make copies so i'll be back in like 45 give us a time 45 minutes leaves the room this is the supposed to be the hardest test and the one that's most crucial for getting your major or for getting your diploma right and um she leaves the classroom and everyone just kind of stops and looks around and everyone's kind of doing like the same thing and everyone just kind of stops and looks around. And everyone's kind of doing the same thing. And then some kid goes up and says, what did you guys put for seven? And then someone's like, a B. And the whole class just did the test together. Wow.

And then everyone got the same grade we all passed. That's like a slow clap. Dude, the sick thing would be the teacher walks back in, turns on a video camera footage. Double-sided glass. Yeah. That would be lit be this was an experiment interesting

yeah that is a very funny alleged story have you guys ever been caught cheating in school no I got caught cheating in high school

I've never been caught it would be brutal a teacher I used to pay my friend to do my homework in high school because I can't believe

you were that guy you guys are gonna roast me you have to swear as a kid he had a fucking macbook I can't believe he cheated to guy you guys are gonna roast me you have to swear as a kid he had a fucking macbook I can't believe

he cheated to get to pre-algebra like a fucking idiot it was a math class yeah and I was like six plus eight I was like

bro you gotta do this for me I was like fuck this so it was Trigg and I was like hey man because he was in my class I was like

just do your homework and then just write it twice and I'll pay you every time you give it to me. Yeah. And so he did it for the whole year. And at one point the teacher gets it and she walks up to me and goes, she laughed at me. And she goes, that's not your handwriting. And I'm like, what?

Yeah, it is. Yeah, that's my handwriting. And she's like, she just laughed at me again and walked away. And I'm like, what is this? Am I in trouble? What's this mean? She's not saying anything. I love that.

I love that you're freaking out. So I have all the class to make a plan.'m like oh god i'm gonna go i gotta go up to her i gotta sit so after class i walk up to her and i'm like i act like i am mad and i'm like why are you saying i'm i didn't cheat on this blah blah and she's she's just like smiling she's like i know you cheated you tried to gaslight your math team yeah i understand i i 100% gas all kids are like that yeah and i was like i was like what I did was I usually write with a mechanical pencil. And I did this assignment with a number two pencil because it's all I had. So it just looks different.

And she goes, okay. And then it didn't get me in trouble, but she didn't fucking believe me. Yeah, of course not. You need your teacher to not care. It would have been sick if you were like, are we chill? And then she was like, you shouldn't cheat, bro. And you're like, yeah, you're right. And she's like, bump it.

I think the biggest homie I ever received in my entire life. That's not the biggest homie? No. No. It's super destroyed by this one. So senior year of high school, I was in a science class that for a large majority of the year, I was just failing. Senior year, I just checked out. Right.

I wasn't paying attention to fucking anything. I had like an almost failing grade in ceramics uh but i really are fucking stupid no well i'm doing all right and uh so i'm in this class i in uh i i was i had a pretty bad grade and uh i had to do i basically had to ace the final if i ace the final i don't have to do summer school i'm fine i graduate normally um and i i finished the final and i did not feel like I aced it. So I was like, I gotta do fucking summer school. This fucking sucks. And I get my report card for like the end of the year

and I pass the class. And I was like, fuck, I must have destroyed that final, whatever. Years go by. I go through college, do all that. My mom sits me down one day. She's like, can I tell you a story? I'm like, sure.

And she's like, you know that senior year when like you were gonna not pass that class? I'm like she's like your teacher called me and i was like okay and the teacher basically told my mom like yeah your son doesn't come to class he like never listens blah blah blah all this shit but i'm gonna give i'm gonna give him a b i'm gonna pass him because i think he's being an idiot and i think he has potential so i'm just gonna pass him and she didn't want to tell me this because she thought it would be like bad for me to like know that life can just work that way. And then she told me this then I was like, holy shit, I did not deserve that.

I will say that is the biggest plague that ruins children. And I bet there's a bunch of people listening. The have potential Andes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Are the worst. Yeah, yeah dude it fucks you up because you're like oh yeah i'm considered gifted and bright and then you're like oh i guess i don't have to try and you know you know what saved me you know what saved me was what really yeah i got

told like all the time growing up by like parents and stuff like oh you're gonna be a smart kid make a ton of money and all the time i was just like yeah i got this and then i went to my first melee tournament where something i thought I was really fucking good at, better than all my friends at. Right. And I got owned over and over and over again. And no matter how good I thought I was, I continuously just got proven wrong.

And I eventually had to like realize like, I'm only better than like some of my peers at certain things. And I have to like really try hard to be actually good at things. Yeah. And the day you accept you're below average and have to work to be above, it will be so sick. There's a guy in Uganda who spent like 20 years training to be one of the

greatest weightlifters in Uganda who made it to the Japan 2020 Olympics. God, you can't fucking talk about it. Dude, this is sick. He made it to the Japan 2020 Olympics through weightlifting. It might've been wrestling Either way he makes it there From Uganda

So different Cause he's the best in Uganda He makes it there His entire plan Was to make it to the Olympics To defect From Uganda To become a Japanese citizen

Why? That is Cause he didn't want to live in Uganda That's actually so nuts Isn't that so metal? Why Japan? I don't know why Japan. I assume it's just because that's where the Olympics was.

Like you have a short window. Oh, because you're there there. Oh, yeah. Because it's pretty hard to defect from a country. Oh, yeah. He doesn't have a lot of options. He's like, yeah, I'm really good. I think I'm going to sit and wait it out until the 2026 one.

Yeah. So, okay. So he was just running out his fucking visa. Yeah. He was just going to disappear. Well, so yeah. So you're a lot of travel, right? You got a travel visa and he was just running out his fucking his visa yeah he's gonna disappear well so yeah so you're a lot of travel right you got a travel visa and he's gonna disappear he traveled i think seven or nine hours by train from tokyo to like uh like mie japan or may japan i don't know exactly what it's called uh and left a note detailing like i'm ditching bro like did you get away with it they caught him no yeah wait who could like the japanese authorities the japanese police caught him they didn't charge him

with anything but they caught him and they sent him back deported him uganda the country gives a note and they're like really ashamed by his actions we're rebuilt rehabilitating him and i'm like dude this is the saddest story that it's so funny that they have to apologize because that represents a level of discipline unmatched by maybe, probably most of the other athletes. I was reading the story like praying that he would make it away.

And here's the funny thing. He didn't do it without precedent. This has happened before. No, two other ugandans did it who are on the rugby sevens team now it's starting i think i think in the 2012 2012 london olympics i think or might have been a a tournament but either way it's the same they defected times they got away with it those two guys got away with it i think they got like amnesty we also have to add in that uh we were wrong in the last podcast about the sex beds. That was a –

Yeah. Everyone was giving us – Wait, wrong how? They weren't actually designed for anti-sex. Oh, really? Yeah. They were designed for sustainability. I read the comments, so shut the fuck up.

I do too. I respond to the comments, which is a level of hell. Dude, I got a bunch – so I got a bunch of DMs today. Well, for one, for my birthday. But I got a bunch of other DMs that were – but people saying things like my bad or whatever. And I'm like, what bunch of DMs today. Well, for one, for my birthday. But I got a bunch of other DMs. But people saying things like, my bad or whatever. And I'm like, what are these DMs? But they were DMs on the Yard account. Because Slime was DMing people all day.

Things like, hey, shut the fuck up. Dude, don't use the Yard account. Or like, hey, stop fucking DMing us. I'm replying. On the Yard Twitter. Yeah. No, no, DMs. It was DMs.

Yeah. Yeah. He's just saying that he's not reaching out and saying that first. Oh, yeah, yeah. Which, of course, was already implied. Dude, some guy just kept giving his in-depth review of every episode, and I just said, hey, shut the fuck up. That's a great listener to have.

No, I hate that guy. Stop listening. You just hate that he said his opinion to you, but he's a great listener. I just hate that he thinks that I care. I don't think they think it deserves to be heard i think you're just shouting into a void they think it's not gonna be responsible because it's not a void it never is unless it's literally a journal in your fucking room leave me alone yeah also my my d we talked about briefly on the talk like on like the second episode whatever about like access what we got to

remove slime twitter access we talked briefly about how like we like we hate certain types of dms yeah and uh my dms like quadrupled and all of them start with the same thing hey man i know you said you hate dms yeah that's what all mine say but fuck and i'm like i'm like all right you can just dm me it's not a big deal but like really like you're gonna you're just don't say that just say what you wanted to say because you're reminding me that i don't like it. Okay, I am not a DM hater. I'm going to read out the worst DM I've ever received. Oh, I love that. From a verified account.

I'm also not a DM hater. I just hate the fucking say hi to love. Let me sweat. His name is at. I'll rat him out right now. He goes, Luddied wig. That's the first start. I bring forth a brand new concept for a game show double quotes doesn't make a lot of sense

That with its ingenuity and its potential for entertainment is bound to make us millionaires billionaires even and propel us viewership to the millions What do you say? The reason I hate that DM because I have to respond for him to give me the goddamn idea. I get those a lot It's the people who want to get in here to give me the goddamn idea. Yeah, I get those a lot. It's the people who want to get in your inbox. You just don't respond to them.

No, I'm not going to respond, but I'm just annoyed that he put, he didn't, he like, he sent, it was a bait message. Why does that annoy you? He's the Twitter version of those YouTube ads, the business gurus on every other video. And they're like, and he's like, excuse me. Dude, that one guy who's always like,

he's always like, you have toxic poop in your colon. I hate that one. Every time I see that guy, my fight or flight response comes up. For anybody who's seen that and you're worried about the toxic poop, that's what poop is. It's your body pushing. That's what poop is. Of course it is toxic. Why does that piss you off? off well it just pissed me off

because he didn't give me the full idea no flame to the guy they're trying to get into your inbox i just wish he would have given me the full idea how that works yeah no i get it but like shouldn't what it's weird that i i thought you didn't get pissed off by anything well i'm not like pissed off i'm memingly pissed off i have no hate for the guy we should probably bleep him so no one attacks okay so that's different but it was more so that i'm just annoyed that it's not a complete message and i have to like follow up to find out what the real juice is as opposed to him being like let's do this idea bing bing bing this would be great this is how i'm involved so you're involved and i'd be like okay i'll do that guy and be like

this idea is great man thanks for sending it yeah and then he has to i didn't i didn't tell you it's like really i'm gonna do this and then has to... I didn't tell you yet. It's really love it. Block him. I'm going to do this and then block him. He never gets to tell you. Speaking of built-in ads, I have an embarrassing admission. What? I downloaded an ad because I've been trying to lose weight.

I've been trying to lose weight, so I've been using MyFitnessPal. And MyFitnessPal free version has built-in ads. I started peak 200. I'm looking for 185 185 okay i'm at like 195 right now i'm i'm doing like 2 000 calories a day when you add water though it has an ad uh for a fake slot app really and i downloaded you use the free my fitness pal you got got by an ad? I got the app. Jesus Christ. I played it for 45 minutes today. What the fuck is the matter with you? You are a freak. You're just like, you are literally a consumer.

Delete that. I'm claiming my daily reward. No, stop it. Delete it. No, don't fucking do that. The day rolled over. It's midnight. I get a daily reward.

Audio listeners, he's literally playing the slot game right now. Stop playing the slot game. I have a free bonus. Stop it. No, wait, wait, wait. Delete it. I have a free bonus. Stop it. No, wait, wait, wait. Delete it. I have a free bonus that gives me, yeah, 150K. So the reason I downloaded it is because I was mostly curious.

I was like, why does this exist? You had just got done pulling all the drool from your mouth into your chest hole and shitting your pants. And you said, time to do something else that aligns with me and who I am. I was curious. I was like, why the fuck? Why is this an an app why would people want to play with free because you can't make money from it but you can put money into it for free coins yeah you get your coin why do you not gamble enough in other ways is it is it is there is there an end no but you but you played it for 45 minutes i played it for 45 because i wanted because i saw there was

a leaderboard and it was really confusing dude honestly i would love my dream is to interview the guy's name is andrew uh g he has uh 190 million lightning bolts for reference in 45 minutes i farmed 20k and i want to interview that guy because this guy's like grinding is he paying how much money did he put in speaking of all right not explored fields i want to have a race with you guys i want to have the yard no it's a game no no we create our own race no no this this i've discovered this game callings to m&m kart racing it came out for the Wii in 2007 and it features all the M&M characters does it have the green one

that everyone wanted to fuck yes yeah and she says something about it being sticky she does yes he knows it she goes it's so sticky she's a freak bitch so I did an M&M tier list on who's the hottest who's the most fuckable uh-huh it turns out green, blue, brown, really fuckable. Not so fuckable.

Oh, shit. There it is. Green, blue. Look how fuckable green and blue are. Orange, the least fuckable M&M. Yeah, because he looks like he's... He's just an oaf. I bet orange is a freak, though.

Well, the orange commercial is... Fuck, fuck, fuck, marry, kill. The green M&M, Daisy, and Rouge from Sonic Adventure 2. Kill Rouge, fuck Daisy, marry the green M&M. You are jaded. The green M&M, hey, would age... All three of those? My man.

Okay, well, you're never gonna marry Rouge. You're gonna fuck Rouge. Are you kidding me? Are you fucking joking? Yeah, dude, you're not gonna marry, you're not gonna kill, you're gonna fuck Rouge, Yeah. You're going to fuck Rouge. Are you kidding me? Are you fucking joking? Yeah, dude. You're not going to marry her. You're not going to kill her. You're going to fuck Rouge, dude.

The wings are all weird. So I want to challenge. We have all zero skill in this game. I think we should race. What do you mean race? Oh, like play each other. All four. Yeah, yeah.

I'm down. It's on the Wii. It's from 2007. I'll get it, and we'll all race. Yeah, you'll get a legitimate copy, and then we'll use the ROM. I will say the best player in the world, I think, is James MKW. I don't know if you know him. I think that stands for Mario Kart Wii.

There's a lot of Jameses in that community. He has all 18 world records. Why don't we do a competition in whatever the most popular racing game on the Wii is? Why don't we do that? Mario Kart Wii? Well, it's because an incel might show up. What if we did a Yard Olympics? Who wins?

It's because I don't have funky Kong on my lap. Actual physical sports, Yard Olympics. He's actually so easy to unlock. I don't know. Yard Sports Olympics? Yard Sports Olympics. It's weird, though, because how do you do that with individual people? You do like 100 meter dash. Oh, I wouldn't. I don't think I something. It's weird, though, because how do you do that with individual people? You do like 100 meter dash.

Oh, I wouldn't. I don't think I would. You do like high jump, long jump. You think if you had a few months to train? Track and field events. If I could get back into the shape I was in like fucking six years ago. We should do this. We all train?

I don't think we should do this at all. This is a great idea. This is one of those things where you say, this is a great idea. We should do this. And we will never do this. Yeah, we should do this. Ludwig has not mentioned playing soccer with me in a while. Well, so the way to do this is you DM at slime underscore machine at Aiden Calvin and

ask Falco on Twitter. Yeah, DM me. See what fucking happens. Well, slime will block you. I'll just block you. I don't care. I hate you. If you're watching this, I hate you.

If it's never ending. But also hit that goddamn bell, son. Subscribe, please. Yeah, so not not gonna do that um i want to go back to fucking the m&ms if we please all right yeah new m&ms there's like the brown m&m pull up all the m&ms here zipper look the hottest m&m is for sure it's because they made green m&m like like go daddy made commercials you know yeah they made her sultry and and weird every old go daddy ad was just soft core porn in the middle of the super bowl but you know what we're talking about go daddy right now and that's good marketing i

already thought my tier list look look at the picture brown m&m kind of brown box are yellow and blue peanut m&ms yellow yes yellow is peanut blue is pretzel no no no sorry yellow is peanut i believe blue is pretzel no it's not uh orange is pretzel oh caramel yeah blue is yeah caramel caramel i was about to pull the phone out and be wrong for the fourth time today the thing about brown that you guys don't recognize brown is actually wearing a nude dress. All right? Because they're chocolate underneath.

That's the same color. So she looks naked. That's what they would look like if they were naked. Right. Why? Wait a minute. This is the most erotic episode. Why do they have flesh-colored limbs?

Wow. I never thought about that until right now. So I feel like these are actually people wearing M&M costumes. So the question is, is the brown M&M doing blackface? Wow. That is the question, isn't it? That is the question. Let's talk to – we have actually the CEO of Mars Incorporated.

Come on down. Explain yourself. What is this? Blue is almond, raspberry raspberry or dark chocolate chocolate john lovitz is the red eminem yeah and jk jk simmons is yellow yeah what the fuck he talks like goofy this is star studded yeah they have a star studded lineup this is kind of throwing me off i didn't realize you guys might not know the eminem campaigns from like the 90s i think that changes it's like a 30 year old campaign it's very popular cross is the oh my god people have been doing oh caramel attributes for years it's like a thing to be an eminem he's been eminem

since 95 i was born when john lovett signed to be an eminem and i'm reaping the benefits i'm always surprised jk simmons is such a good actor to be in so many minor roles. Well, he wasn't always known as a good actor, right? He's just in a lot of things. He's old, and he always has been old. You have to understand that actors, especially old actors, like a role is not, even if you're a great actor, it's not guaranteed. It is weird.

You guys want to settle something for us? So right before filming this podcast, we watched the movie Accepted. Fuck J.K. Simmons. Well, okay. Wait, why would you say that? Kill Rouge. We watched the movie Accepted with Justin Long, and I love Justin Long. Slime hates Justin Long.

Why do you love him? Tell me that first. I like Justin Long. He's money. Why do you think he's money? Justin Long is money because of our generation, because he was really promoted to us. He was promoted to me. That movie came out when I was six i think he's funny i think justin long is admirable in the way

that like you see anyone on the street and uh maybe they can make it inactive okay there's justin long he looks like shit yeah that's a bad smile he looks fine zippers on my side dude he just looks like a normal guy no he looks fine he fine. He looks fine, but I think I have contempt. So we were watching Accepted, which I had never watched, actually. I just remember the trailer. Ask me about my wiener. You know that line from the movie Accepted? And I'm working with some very volatile herbs or whatever.

This was also my first time. And so we're watching it, and I'm like, the reason why I have contempt for that movie is in general because it made college look like this ultra glossy experience that shit like this happened. And it just isn't that way, and I don't like that being marketed to the youth. No, that is a misinterpretation because the whole plot of the movie is that he doesn't get into college, and he creates a fake ideal version. It doesn't matter because ultimately it's still saying what all the other college movies were saying. Yeah.

Bro, he is so bad. Come on, bro. He used to be big. What? He's a big guy, dude. Come on. He's 06. He's 06 when this came out.

I didn't recognize him. Because now I think of skinny Jonah Hill when I think of Jonah Hill. Yeah. He's, you know, that's what happens. I think you're right by the way. Calories in versus calories out. I'll back you up on this. I will always love him because of Dodgeball. Oh, yeah. Justin Long. That's it. Yeah I think you're right, by the way. Calories in versus calories out. I'll back you up on this. I will always love him because of Dodgeball.

Oh, yeah. Justin Long. That's it. Yeah. But the thing is, Justin Long is the least interesting part of Dodgeball. And you all think that Justin Long matters, but it could have been Amon. Yeah. That's why I'm saying he does matter.

Yeah, but that's why it's funny to me. But we don't think about Justin Long. We think about all the other funny people that exist in the world. Yeah. Maybe that's why I hate him. I want to fight him. No. Isn't he in Die Hard?

Yeah. Die Hard 3, right? You want to fight Justin Long like you want to move back into the closet, dude. I would love to see Justin Long kick your teeth in, bro. If you're fucking capping, dude, let me find that guy. I would love to see Justin Long kick your fucking teeth. And if he beats my ass, I have to hold that.

Yeah. He's actually like a really good guy. Celebrity. You don't know that. I followed him on Twitter. I don't give a fuck. I don't know. He like,

he like, he like promotes like charities and stuff. Like he's like a good guy. Bro, honest to God though, straight up. I'm going to say it. I think eat he's like a good guy bro honest to god though straight up i i'm gonna say it i think eat that pussy's a good guy like i've seen him on twitter bro i just watch the videos bro he's like wholesome bro what i'm saying is if i step to justin long

and i'd be like you were a part of a machine that created a culture of uh disingenuousness toward the academic system an actor oh i will why and i do actors do nothing blame the writer nick loves him he's great for no reason and i will step to just along and i will say my friend loves you and he shouldn't and he would go like he'd be like man your friend's kind of a dick and i'd be like yeah i used to like that sometimes yeah just along in a fight stance and then i'd be like do you want to fight now and maybe he'd be like yeah and we go to the yard I don't want to listen to fucking closet guy because if he met Justin Long in real life he would have a normal conversation I'm pretty sure Justin Long got ripped I'm pretty sure he got ripped but if he asked But if he asked me to fight him, I'd be like, let's do this.

Let's sign some contracts, release liability, and let's go to the yard. Surely he got ripped for dieharding. I had my proudest moment in Melee a few months ago in a very similar circumstance where I bumped into someone I knew on Unranked, and they beat me in one game with my main, and I was pissed because they left right after i'm like you fucking want oh we want to know you you fucking want and done me so i go into the oregon melee discord server and i call him out in front of anybody everybody and i just all caps like rant about him quitting

out on me and like fucking play me right now put 50 on it justin long where are you bro and we'll play in front of the call right now. We'll play a best of five. Fucking three-o'd him in front of the call. Wow. Like while I'm muted and I just leave and I say never one and done me again. Yes, sir. And I leave. Yes, sir.

I would have one and done and I would have never fought you. More proud on a higher high than I've ever felt from any tournament whenever. You should give him some respect for actually coming through to Duke. He did show up. He doesn't owe you shit. Yeah, because he could just say. It's fucking that play. They don't owe you one and done. You should give him some respect for actually coming through to Duke. He did show up. He doesn't owe you shit. It's fucking that play. They don't owe you more than anyone. You don't want it done. He owes me something because we know each other.

I think that's why. Did he know it was you? Did he know it was you? No. No, no, no, no, no, but you treat every person you treat every person with a fairness. You freak. No, because would you ever sit down on the setup At an actual tournament

And then just get up Mid game You would never do that No because the context Is fucking different You weird psychopath No it's not Would you treat this

In person experience Different than online Yes It's the same You know how you block Someone on twitter Would you do that In real life to someone

Would you write a big X With red marker on their face And not talk to them No Online is different You freak bitch. I want it done all the fucking time. Yeah, but okay.

That's so dumb. You live, nothing you say ever matters. Because you live in a different world where you're Ludwig Anders. And anything you do, if you lose at a game, you're just like, I'm done. One and dunning people in Melee, I think is so rude. There's no precedent that it should be more than a one and done because why are you one and done in them what have you taken away from that one game for context on slippy online you can play as many times you want amon's convinced that needs to be a best of

three three games you should play first two wins it's like solo to your god like let's get the set get the set but there's no i mean if there was a button that you could cut like voice and be like set question mark and then they'd be like, yes. Then you're good. You can communicate. It just says no LOL. This is why I like that the Melee community is just small enough still that if you work really hard, you can find out who people are.

So when you see them at a tournament, you can say, hey, you're the fucking guy who did this. Do you want to play right now? Holy shit. This probably was in the box the box might be the book yeah yeah and that's what i appreciate about it because you can you can actually talk to that person in person and say like hey why don't we just uh why don't we play just small enough that you can gatekeep anyone who doesn't best a three-year ass yeah i don't anything anything Anything that comes out of Aiden's mouth about Melee, I'm asleep, bro. It's true.

Hey, there's only one person in this room who's been better than that guy for six months guaranteed. Sheesh. Who is it, Aiden? How many times have you beaten me in a best of five? Not worried about that conversation. How many times have I beaten you in a best of five? Now, I got a different conversation for you guys.

I'm down to move on. I had a harrowing conversation this week. Okay. Terrifying. Okay. I've been worried a little bit about some of my YouTube stats. I've been trying to make some changes. Yeah.

I'm on the pulse. I see when things are down, when things are up. Yeah. July wasn't the best month. I'm trying to make August a great one. So I hit a Mr. Beast. I've done this before. I've hit up some YouTube gurus, like Small Ant, people like that, who I think know their shit. Mr. Beast, probably the king, right? Nobody knows YouTube better than Mr.ast. I've done this before. I've hit up some YouTube gurus like SmallAnt, people like that who I think know their shit. MrBeast

probably the king, right? Nobody knows YouTube better than MrBeast. I think a lot of people do. No, I disagree. He is the king of YouTube. I think he's fucking figured out the mystery. Maybe Mark Rober knows it better. Slightly related, a quote from a friend who visited their family this past weekend.

I don't know who Ludwig is. He must not be famous. I am going to marry Mr. Beast. Nora, age seven. Cool picture of Mr. Beast popped up. There he is. He's the king, I think. Okay, sure.

And he's also very nicely willing to help a lot of people. I think he kind of gets happy giving advice and then seeing it pop off and so he gave daily dose of internet some advice on how to change the editing i talked to him and i'm like i sent him a video i'm like what do you think about the title thumbnail like is it not and he just says could be more clickbaity and then i follow up and i ask hey what's like a good viewer retention because every video you upload will have a certain percentage of watch time right and uh and he said anything below 70 is bad what's yours i average 55 60 wow you're cringe my good videos

get 68 69 maybe 70 really yeah and i this blew my mind that anything below 70 is bad wow the last person who ever who I ever talked to about this was Alpharad when I first started out. And he was like, yeah, 45 is great. If you're doing that, you're good. It might just be like genre stuff, right? Yeah. I think a bit, surely. But obviously having a higher viewer attention is just better, right? Like if you're doing an hour.

Yeah, of course. This podcast, there's no realm where it's like. No, we're hit probably hour. Of course. This podcast, there's no. I think there's just like. No, we're at. We're hit probably like 91. Yeah. I think everyone just watches the entire time and then like Venmo's us $20. That is true. And then subscribes and smashes that bell. Yeah.

The bell. Smash a real bell on their desk. Destroyed. But that fucked me up. So immediately I like go to shake and polite. I like gather, gather the minds. I'm like, gentlemen, we have to change. Wait, did you?

Yeah. Because when you went live with your stream yeah because when you went live with your stream title when you were live with your stream title and it said no more daily uploads i go into i go into the mogul moves discord server which is like shake and polite which you never use ever it's what i used to talk i don't even know it existed till now oh my god you're no way and i go in there and i'm like and i just have a screenshot of like your stream title i'm like lads like is it please say cap yeah and then shake just said i don't know he doesn't tell us shit that was just clickbait for my reddit recap upload okay oh i'm thinking about when did you meet with the minds well i dm

them to tell them i I just DM'd them. I just told them that we need to do shorter videos. I talked to Jimmy. He's MrBeast, by the way. Oh, you guys are on first name basis? Well, no. His first name's James. Oh, JamesBeast?

We're in sync. Please, MrBeast was my father. I just DM'd them what they said. I was like, we should shorten our videos a bit and shorten our outros. But no, the daily upload ending, I'll talk about this because i talked about it a bit on stream mostly me bringing up daily uploads that's your ludwig this is distracting i can't i'm trying to sorry go like this is our this is our clip channel i'm trying to farm right here boys what go ahead

let's start from the top from the top and action And action. No, you have to ask me like, hey, what did you mean when you – What did you mean when you said you were going to stop daily uploads? So, dude, I cannot do it if you're going to do this. I got you. I'm done. He's over here pulling his butt. You can't focus on the clip. And Ludwig, what did you mean when you said you were gonna do the daily uploads anymore?

Let me do it Not a Wild set reset castle died a little bit of all little bit It'll be your fault. Lead him in. So, all the way. Why is he talking about the video, man? All right. So, a lot of people have been asking about why I talked about ending daily uploads. What are they asking about? Very simply, I actually think it's a good idea. I actually think it's a good idea to end daily uploads and do more quality videos i probably won't for a while because i like the streak but i'm thinking about it i'm just putting the thought in people's minds rather

than rug pulling randomly one day and being like it's over well it's because it's kind of been part of your identity it's like i'm the guy who uploads every day you say it a lot you're proud of it which is i think it makes a lot of sense. Like it's hard to do that. It's hard to do. You gotta kill your darling sometimes. But the fact is it's not like I'm ending daily

to do weekly. It's more like I have no obligation to post daily and if I don't want to post that day because I don't feel like the content's ready or good then I can just wait.

So you know what's funny? When we used to play games with our friend Dawson he'd be like he'd be like your content's kind kind of taking a dive, Ludwig. And he says that. He's just trying to needle you. He's just fucking with you.

Sure. And you're like, my content's fire, bro. Because you always need to believe that it's fire. But let me ask you a real question, Ludwig Anders, here, right now. Okay. Because we have to cut a lot because we said so many bad things about our lawyer. What content have you made do you think isn't fire isn't fire i think everything i've uploaded is fucking banger please be honest

with me for once in your life please yeah what is your honest take on just like the views going down a bit uh i think it happens swingy sometimes it goes up sometimes it goes down but when it goes down you when it goes down you can be more proactive you can set shit up i just have to like set shit up i've been the problem is is it like fatigue i i don't know it's just that i don't have like good enough clickbaity content that i like gotta set up but like this week i got a mogul money i got a bros pros i got the uh battleship tournament and i'll probably pump out a YLYL. I'll go recycle some shit. Ludwig's like a,

like a animal videos coming. Okay. So when you buy like a pet snake, it does, it can't bond with you. It doesn't know that you love it. Yeah. And that's how Ludwig is.

Ludwig has unable to understand how much I love him. He's in the stream. Like he's under a UV light. What I'm saying, like the, the way the, the reason that YouTube has a good month is because my daily drivers are there but i also have some sweet ferraris in the mix and i'll have a like a

few like million view videos in the month and this past month i've had one and it's mogul money sure and that's why so you're trying to get more ferraris so if i just have a few more ferraris that's literally the only difference that needs to be made, and it will be fine. Do you believe that there's a fair amount of people who don't watch videos because they already saw it on Twitch? Yeah, but that's pretty small. But that can't be that much, right? It's pretty small. Like 10,000 people.

I'm just saying someone like MrBeast, right? Or maybe they watch the VOD. But MrBeast, when you see something he's done, you didn't even know it was happening until it came out. I think it can't be the difference maker with him right because the view the views don't match up it's only it's like 20 only it's bad 20 to 50 000 people watching it on twitch but then you have hundreds of thousands it's bad for hive mind yeah hive mind gets hive mind i don't think i'll upload anymore after this season if we do another another one on Twitch, I don't think I'll upload it. But that's the only one that I'm like, I need to cut this.

YouTube fascinates me, dude. Meeting more and more YouTubers, I just want to ask them a million questions. Everyone's got a different idea. Alpharet thought 55 was good. You know what I ask every single YouTuber I meet? I ask them, what do you want to end up doing? Do you want to do what you're doing right now forever? Or is it like a goal you're trying to get to?

And like, they've actually, a lot of them had like pretty insightful, like cool answers. I asked them if they can stretch their nutsack skin out like a trampoline and then bounce Skittles into their mouth using it. Can you do that? So we had a really normal conversation, me and Schlatt about it. Schlatt, by the way. I'm the snake that you can't relate with. He just opened his heart and then you went,

I'm still trying to figure out if all you guys can fucking see him. Schlatt can do it. He told me. Now I wish. That's about it for us, though. Yeah. You want to wrap ski it up? Let's wrap ski it up.

I got mogul money tomorrow that will have already been aired. Hopefully it goes great. Hello from the past to the future in the future past. That was complicated. Once again, if you made it this far into the video, hit that fucking goddamn bell. If you made it this far, you already sucked. We forgot to mention the clip channel again. If you made it this far, check out the clip channel.

Hit two bells. Probably about like 50k at least made it this far. If you did, check out our clip channel and subscribe to it. It just helps it a bit with the algorithm. There's also a TikTok channel. It's doing pretty well. The Yard podcast. We're on everything.

There's people who comment, like just commenting for the algorithm. And all of them, hitters. I love those people. Those people I matter because they don't need attention. They just need to know that, hey, I'm trying to help you out because you helped me out. And I'm like, we're together now. Some rider does. Yeah.

But thanks for watching this episode of the yard fun fact I didn't bring this up earlier the yard on Apple podcasts only mentions three hosts so let's thank these three hosts I know dude

I'm going to thank these three hosts and only these three hosts as we close out thank you to Ludwig Ogren thank you to Aiden Calvin and finally thank you to Ein ross those are the three hosts on fucking apple because they just automatically looked at twitters oh yeah and that

was my name so bye but now it's tub girl boss so i'll see you on there good night guys see ya