The Yard - Ep. 7 - We took edibles before this podcast

Episode Date: August 18, 2021

It's gummy time, baby. As promised for 1000 patrons, Ludwig and Aiden pop a few weed gummies before this episode. Amidst the high-times, the boys cover Bernie Sanders, Aiden getting owned by a small dog, and the logistics behind Claire's offering adult circumcisions.

🎵 What is up? Welcome back to the yard and thank you everyone who subscribed to our Patreon. Our Patreon members are flourishing. Shit. I was going to say sheesh and then he did it. You cannot outdo that. Is sheesh dead? Yes. Yeah, but I did it. But he's still doing it. He's 31. Oh, you are 31. Takes a little longer to age out.

He could say golly gee and sheesh and both are just as old. Or I could say it's lit like Ludwig did 900 times last episode. Ludwig has been back on that. Ludwig just found it's lit. It's Lit. What happened? It's crazy. Why? I don't,

I think it was from hanging out with people in real life. I'd be like, It's Lit. No, no, no. That doesn't explain anything. That's still years behind. You can't just say, you went and touched grass

and now you say It's Lit. It's Lit was what was used to describe parties in my second year of college, which was four years ago. Okay, to be clear, the biggest streamers on twitch say lit who nick marks quote nick marks 17 times now uh that's lit i got one on me two on me do you understand it's gonna go to 16 wait do you are you sure he's not saying

lit in the context of the game they are. Lit means like they're damaged. Did you not know that? You literally play Valorant and say that. Yeah. He's lit. No way. I started saying frag out. All my favorite streamers just like say that a lot. Every time I leave, I just frag out.

I was hanging out with Pokimane last week. I said like, oh yeah, it's frag out. And she looked at me like kind of weird. Well, anyway. That it's Frag Out. And she looked at me like kind of weird. Well, anyway. That shit's putting overtime in. It is fucking lit. How many people signed up for the Patreon? Blew me away.

It's so many, dude. It blew me away. If you are a Patreon subscriber and you haven't. Patron. Please DM at Aiden Calvin on Twitter and let him know how much you're excited to be a part of the Patreon. He will give you a personal thank you letter. You be a part of the page. You can actually just join the Discord. You can just join the Yard Discord instead. We are very active in the Discord.

Sexually active even. Well, no. To be clear, we're not sexually active in the Discord. There's probably a lot of liars in the Discord. Don't shake his hand. No, that's... You don't want to shake his hand there. I would be really avoidant about shaking his hand. To be clear, if adults are watching with kids that watch nothing...

That's going to be Exhibit C 10 years from now. If he goes to jail, we're good. Anyway, a ton of the patrons haven't joined the Discord, and it gets used all day, every day. It's actually way more active than I ever expected. Yeah, we use it. I love using it. Shut the fuck up.

It's funny because I preface everybody. I was like, yeah uh ludwig's never gonna be here ever so i'm just letting you know it's funny because in the patreon everyone has their own zone and i didn't i didn't know that existed so what i do is every like day or two i'll just at everyone and i'll be like good night i actually like and then that's it that's my only interaction with them anyway in addition uh we have me and nick do a show where we do watch alongs of disney channel movies uh aiden and nick have a an where we do watch-alongs of Disney Channel movies. Aiden and Nick have an advice show.

These are all Patreon exclusives. Just giving you guys a bunch of extra shit. And Ludwig does nothing. And this is where we should say, if you don't know, I said last episode of the Patreon hit 1,000 members. That on this episode, I would partake in the gummy. That's true. In a little bit of gummy time. We would be running mile high on this show. But we have two sober men,

so you can split it right in half, sober side. And this side is... Cut. Uncut. Yeah, well, we also have uncut penises. But more importantly, this is... I thought you were saying cut like... The Amsterdam side.

And I'm like, wait, what's wrong? You're talking about our penises. That's true. We're the misfits extras. We didn't make it into their group. Okay, here's the thing. You guys are a bundled bunch of long sleeves in the bottom of the closet and we are a bunch of sweet

polished ivory We're like if you two went in the Pack-A-Punch machine. You get us. That's just hurtful. No, he's right. Question for you. I want to start this pot off hot. Okay.

Do you know how they do circumcisions? This is crazy. Well, I mean, I feel like I know a base level. This is crazy. Well, I mean, I feel like I know a base level. So after yesterday or last week's podcast, I was interested because me and Eamon were talking about circumcisions, how they do it.

Yeah. I thought it'd be funny. You guys are trying to get involved, huh? I was like, I wonder if there's like a device. What's the late game look like? I looked it up. There is. It's like a gun and you wrap your skin around it and then you just go. It's crazy. And then it rips it up. There is. It's like a gun, and you wrap your skin around it, and then you just go, and then it rips it off.

It's crazy. It looks like something you would like. They should do that shit at Claire's. The girl would like chewing gum, rolling her eyes. She's like, do you want the lemon? Sometimes it helps. If you do the left foreskin, it's not gay. Yeah, it is a contraption.

It looks like the machines that they use to like make sausage with yeah like it's a metal we were basic like it's weird they have we're looking up like the industrial the industrial machine turns out you can just buy medical equipment online like anybody can do it any business i don't think i really connected the dots on that okay you can just go you can just no no no wait what what oh dude okay oh my god no no no i need to explain this i get this no so you'll guys you'll remember last week we had a bit of a blow up on slimes 911 call and i would like to take the heat off you oh yeah it applied to someone else because are you a crook we were looking up circumcisions and i was like oh yeah google google like circumcision tool this man before he types that in enters into the search browser uh browser video of circumcision yeah i

thought we were gonna like watch how it's done like the medical procedure and he just wanted he was trying to look up baby circumcisions because i just wanted to see He was trying to look up baby circumcisions I just wanted to see the medical procedure Why would you do that? Because I wanted to know how it works Oh my god You couldn't look up adult circumcisions Adult circumcisions are worse It's your mind

Oh they're worse He specifically typed in baby You typed in baby circumcisions? No, I didn't. He typed in baby boy circumcisions. Now he's just making shit up. Really cool baby circumcisions. I was like, his question alluded to like, oh, how does the procedure work?

And I was like, you know what? Like, I don't know. So I just looked up. I was going to look up like an actual video of the surgery. He goes to his search. It's purple like he recently searched it. And if you get circumcised as an adult, there's a bunch of complications that happen that don't happen when you're a child. That's true.

Yeah, you actually get pussy. I'm kidding. I had a friend that got an adult circumcision. Side effect. I had a friend who had an adult circumcision Side effect I had a friend Who had an adult circumcision Why He said it was Because when he had sex

He could barely feel anything And so he would just Be in the sack for 45 And I was like Bro I'm in there For half a second This doesn't seem like A problem king

But he's like It really doesn't feel good Yeah that's usually The opposite That when you're circumcised You are less sensitive So I think your friend Is capping or i

think you gotta reverse okay that doesn't exist no okay yeah then i know no so they scrape some off your thigh i was gonna say they skin graft i actually forgetting i actually have a little bit of my uh of my butt yeah they're starting to 3d print it now too which is great dude this all reminds me nick you're gonna you're gonna eyes will brighten up when you remember this as i did but remember that video i took in the old old house oh my god it it might be the funniest video on my cell phone it's the funniest it's the loudest i've ever heard nick laugh i think remember in the in the living room uh when i turned on uh that video YouTube video, and we were just sitting on the floor watching like a seven-part series of how to clean your foreskin.

No. And then. How do you not remember this? And then for the studio audience, which was just Nick's phone, I turned up all of the volume, muted that video, and turned on the Halo music. It's so tragic because this is the first video we've mentioned like this that I think you cannot put at the front of the podcast.

I can't put, yeah. Because there is like, when I've seen this, because I wasn't there when this happened, and the phone just pans down and you see a giant uncut dick on the TV

while the beginning of the Halo menu music is playing. Can we blur it? Yeah, we can blur it. We're going to show you the fans. I wouldn't risk it. On the YouTube? No, no, no, on Patreon.

I wouldn't risk it on the YouTube. Oh, really? They'll demonetize you for any... You know what you can't say on YouTube? What? It'll demonetize... You can't say... Oh.

The entire video will be demonetized if that gets through. Really? We can never have Miles as a guest. Oh, yeah, that's true. Poor Australians, man. Nobody from Australia. There's no successful Australian YouTubeian youtube channel that's true because they can't help themselves i don't know they're addicted sorry laser beam you're doing great um this

you know what was funny today our life has become this like this kind of weird balance of like if we start saying something funny we kind of look at each other like save it save it save it but this one i think is actually appropriate because i want to get inside the mind of you amen game and uh he had a nightmare last night your little nightmare and i'd like you to tell the people about your nightmare and we can all kind of talk about what the fuck this means hi okay oh buddy it's okay i'm pulling up sigmund freud i cannot explain like the setting entirely but i but I'm kind of in a mountainous sort of woods, and I'm with other people,

and there are groups of other people that I know in this woods. And I go to meet up or hang out with a large group of them. The context is sort of lost on me as I forget more of the dream over the course of the day, but the important thing is that there is this gang of guys. And two of them are... It's 18 cowboys. Do you guys remember two of the bad guys from Sky High?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The ones that run around fast and have stretchy arms. Ryle and Quickie. It's those two guys, but without superpowers. Okay. And they're in the gang and then the head of the gang is miles teller from whiplash from whiplash and for some reason this gang of guys because there's the three of them and that's who i remember and then everybody else in the group is

like faceless but every time i encounter them in this woods, they proceed to viciously beat the shit out of me and like do heinous things to me. Like they'll like pee on me and it's not like in like a cool sexual way. It's not the cool sexual way. It's like I'm horrified and I have to keep running away from these people who are doing awful things.

And I just cannot process why this is happening. So you don't want them to pee on you. I keep trying to explain to them why they're – yeah, I don't want them to punch me or pee on me or anything. Right. Which is what they keep doing. And at some point in the dream, I'm confronted by these guys for like the third or the fourth time because they'll like hunt me through the woods and the fourth time i'm like i'm so desperate like i'm so i'm in the dream i'm like crying and i'm like i i tried to tell miles i'm like dude whiplash is one of my favorite movies why are you doing this to me and they just keep going and then i woke up

because i'm like so rushing dragging rushing he looks me in the eyes he's like and i will fuck you like a pig yeah uh and i i don't know what it means i don't think it means anything oh no it means it means a lot a lot well i can i can break down woods i looked it up it means you're feminine okay oh knew that damn dreams are real locked in you're a soft And wanting to get peed on I'm gonna promise you Isn't a good thing I'm not gonna follow this up With masculine

I imagine There he is This is encrypted No stop Dude The only reason Zipper showing Miles Teller The only reason I can think

That Miles Teller is in this dream Is the day before I watched one of the party scenes From Project X And he's like kind of a he's kind of a uh a jackass and that oh he's a huge like he's a total prick yeah yeah yeah and uh i think because i watched that the day before maybe that's why evil miles teller was in my dream and not nice whiplash should be sick if it was penn and teller and they were chasing you around they're like

everyone believe in god Hayden? Huh? I don't want to be hunted by magicians in my dreams. Imagine getting this shit beat out of you by a guy with a ponytail. It's just over. Actual Redditor? Yeah you're done. What you were going to say? What is getting pissed on me? I don't know. I imagine it's not great. I don't think they have

it in here. I looked up Dream Dictionary and I don't think a lot of people are getting pissed on Hay great. I don't think they have it in here. I looked up Dream Dictionary and I don't think a lot of people are getting pissed on Aiden. I think that you broke Sigmund Freud's entire philosophy here. Sigma Freud. Freud was like Freud was a total fraud so I think that's fine. Well anyway

sorry to hear about your nightmare dude. That sounds pretty tough. And speaking of nightmare I don't think you've ever told this story on the pod. You maybe told it to us all individually. Are we too dated for this story? Which one?

Recently, you know, Swift's been going through a tough time and it reminds me of the time that you hung out with Swift.

Oh, do you know about this story, Son? No, I don't know. You don't know about this one?

Oh, it's a treat. I think someone else like needs to set up the context of what Swift is like as an animal. I'll set it up because I have to hang out with that fucker every day. Swift is Cutie's dog, which now means it's my dog, too.

Yeah, you walk him, you call him Swiffy. Yeah. You say, come here. Sleeps between us every night. Sweet dog. Very gentle. Very docile. Also a huge pussy.

Yeah, it's miserable. He's such a pussy, dude. It sucks because sometimes i have to watch him if you guys are all gone and i just i i want to i want to he also him from he also barks every time we come in the house no matter if he sees us and he recognizes us i hate this oh he's so cute i hate this idiot he's so cute he starts barking at me and i'm like bro i am here every day yeah he's just just perpetually scared of the world. This has gone so far that I paid for,

I mean, cutie, the most expensive. You should say that. Well, you know. We. We paid for the most expensive dog trainer in LA. It was like 400 bucks for an hour. Basically, Cesar Millan 2021 update, that new patch, to help Swift help swift may i ask what this

person was like looked like or what does a 400 dog trainer look like so originally this this problem happened where every time i touched the remote to turn on the tv swift would run from the room and if the door is closed run under the bed yeah i had to get him and i could not watch tv in my in my room anyway i can't watch it because the tv comes on he's scared of the noise the tv makes and knows the remote turns it on wow he's connected that and he was chill for years with the tv mind you so this is a new thing and we were nervous so we scheduled it it was a two month wait for the guy to come he finally pulls up yeah he finally pulls up and he kind of looks like Amon Sheik plays. What is that?

He's like wearing a backpack. He seems like super nerdy. And he did this thing. And I don't know if it was for the dog or just like a habit. Really sick jaw. No, not like that. Or he would like. Eight pack.

Hey, forgettable? Well, face wise. Impactful. He was impactful. How is Amon is amen cheek impactful change the game i don't know if he did this so he did this thing where uh he shows up he has a backpack on and he's like holding it like he has to run to class and he would like step forward two steps step back two steps and he did this the whole time he was there he's there for two hours and we we sit there for two hours and he starts and he's like okay have you guys tried this and he goes through a a mary poppin sized bag of tricks that

work and after two hours of trying to train swift to not be scared of the remote he kind of looks at me and cutie he's like this is tough oh my Yeah. That's how bad Swift is. I feel like dog trainers are all capping. I feel like none of it. This dude looked like a, I genuinely think like he knew what he was doing. He was like, you gotta block off the TV with your body.

You can't let him go under the bed. You can try. He was like, this thing, this thing, this thing. And he's like, done it,

done it, done it. It sounds like he like pulls out a granola bar because he gets hungry. Yeah. He was getting his work cut out for him for sure. I do love the idea of him getting like 90 minutes in he's like all right so we gotta go for some new stuff just

his backpack is full of hot dogs yeah unrelated to him being a dog trainer if you feed him seven hot dogs a day swift is gonna get it basically at the end of it the god i was like this is not this is not gonna function this is not this did not – we'll try some of the things he said. The one thing I took away is instead of saying no, you go – Really? Yeah. Like Rick Ross? He was doing this.

He was literally doing this. Yeah, exactly. Like Rick Ross. Yeah. Like someone walked in the door and Swift barks and he went – and then Swift stopped barking. He's like, see that? And I was like, yeah, that was dope.

And he's like, apparently he's supposed to do that because it symbolizes growling and then barking which dogs understand in response like they're like bro so some you're one of me works yeah some shit like that worked uh but what didn't work is the original problem which was not making him be a giant pussy when i touch a remote it's not even the remote like it's it's tough ludwig spends the most time with him that, you know, as everyone who isn't cutie. And he'll still, like, shake when Ludwig, like, approaches him. If I get up, I don't know if it's my huge traps. He just fucking bolts sometimes. He likes Aiden a lot.

Maybe you just put God's bathroom floor on and it just chills out. Well, so that was what we thought. It's a deformed chest, by the way, because it freaks me out too. Me and QT have taken a couple trips. Okay. And instead of bringing the dog, which is in O as feasible, we've asked Aiden to watch the dog

because Aiden is the one Swift likes the most. Or at least liked the most. Yeah. Why don't you go ahead and tell us why that is? Take it away, gamer. Yeah, by the way, I don't know this. Oh, okay. So before this weekend happened where the i and i promise this ties in later we were running into this issue where uh our trash that we would put out in the street sometimes would

would overflow so if the top to the trash was open the bag is sticking out of the edge right dude i'm literally beefing with actual crows and they know my crows coyotes raccoons they're all on site for me yeah and they all will come in the night or the crows will just come during the day and they'll break yeah put her there coming in the night welcome aboard i'm down really quickly a nightcomer um you aren't down you are that i'm down for that no no it's okay go on aiden we're trying to make fun of the way these crows i sometimes before we got like more cans so it doesn't really happen anymore but i would walk out there'd be trash everywhere in

the morning and i'd they'd be watching me from the roof and i'd turn around be like you fucking crows and i'd be screaming at crows in the morning. Like, literally, old man yells at Cloud. And they're barking back at me. I'm like, I know you fucking know what you're doing. And I know it feels good because they're intelligent and they can be hurt by my words. This is our version of the emu war. And we were losing. We were losing badly.

Yeah, we were losing really badly until a recent solution finally came through. We got a bigger trash can. Bigger trash cans. Anyway. Used to be a problem. The bags would get ripped open by these crows and other animals. So we would come out in the morning

and I'm talking our entire driveway like into the street covered in trash because they would spill it out and like try to eat stuff. And feast. They would just feast. They'd feast on our garbage. We're talking about this happening

like every few days. And this happened for months. It's really's really really annoying we're like trying different things to like try and uh avoid this problem but it keeps coming up and uh finally it this is the day that anthony is like losing it one of the yell at crows days but it's escalates and he just goes into the house and he gets like a jug of bleach and he comes out and he poured this jug is this happened this is a full jug of bleach and he pours it over all the cans yeah so the top of the can the garbage the ground around the cans is just covered in like soupy blue bleach by the way it we don't have bleach it was like detergent detergent for whites which actually isn't bleach which i don't think deterred any of the girls no for sure not no

this didn't work they're like oh because the trash the trash still smell everywhere they stand on it and they go whoa the crow like slips back tom and jerry music place i also my intent wasn't to like have them eat it and die. Maybe the crows, but it was more to just like, I know that animals don't like that shit. Also, Yeah,

they'll lick it and be like, this is gross. Yeah, they'll just avoid it on scent. But also, I ordered a big animal deterrent thing, which is just really strong peppers.

Apparently, like peppercorns. And it smelled like food and I sprinkled that. That shit didn't work. We should get like a ton of ghost peppers and just overflow the trash

With only ghost peppers And then And fuck these dudes up Dude we should put We should put Pills that That make their penises tiny And then

And then they'll all eat them And then they'll all have Really tiny penises And then like the other birds Will be like Oh did you eat the trash again And then they're gonna be like No

Then why is it Why is it so small It's cold No this is like how- It's because I flew high up. This is considered big for my breed, so. That's what would happen if we did that. That aside, we have solved this now.

We just have bigger cans. But back in the day, we had a problem with trash. Trash would go out. Continue Swift's story. I'm staying with Swift. And when I stay with the animals, one of the things that i think cutie likes for their comfort and i kind of like too is that they they sleep with you they cozy up to you and

get you know they just cuddle with you in your bed a little cuddling super cute so i go to bed um you know me and swift like we go outside you know let him go pee comes upstairs get theirs into my room i try to go to bed and uh swift is uh he's always nervous at first but he gets comfy and he wants to sleep next to your head so he cuddles next to you right next to your face he loves the head yeah hates being by the feet brother same i don't know why he's got beef with that um what is that we're at a handshake per minute rate he smells really bad yeah i don't know why and it's it's just it's terrible and worse than usual we're way worse than usual and it's keeping me up like i've been in bed for now like two three hours and i cannot go to sleep because it smells so bad

and one of the things that cutie told me before she left was that sometimes when he goes poop he'll have a bit like stuck in his fur and he can like smell sometimes because you had to cut some out before yeah i took him for a walk of his own ass and he pooped and it just didn't come out of his ass it literally like wrapped like a fucking like a like spider-man yeah like like a like he's fucking putting a criminal up against the wall but it was just his poop against his butt and it was just stuck there and i tried to like get him to run fast and shake it out had to cut it out with scissors if you're an audio listener it's an american eskimo which is like an absolute furball he's so much fur and it comes out everywhere um so i'm worried like maybe he

just has poop in his fur right because at this point it's like 3 a.m i have to wake up early and i'm really i'm really fucking tired. You got pooped up. You got pooped up. So I get up. Lord in the world, a little poop dog. And I try. Swift doesn't like to be.

He doesn't really like to be picked up or handled. He'll get really nervous about it. And I'm trying to turn him around so I can look at his ass and see if he has poop on his ass. Show me your ass, dog. But every time I move. This is after trying to move him to my feet a couple times because he smells so bad. I just don't want to be next to him while he smells that bad. And now I'm trying to move him around, and he won't do it.

He won't stay in place so that I can look. He'll always turn around super fast and sit back down again. And I'm like, Jesus Christ. And I think he can tell that I'm getting a little more frustrated. Well, he knows that you want his butthole. Yeah, and he's nervous about that. He saw your search history and said, also checks out with durst because durst is meowing at the door to get out of the room at the same time which as i'm getting more frustrated with swift durst is like losing it

and i'm like fine fine fuck durst dude and i'll just let durst out i open the door let durst out swift sprints out of the room. And I'm like, Jesus, I have to go get him because I have to go check if poop's on his ass or not. And then I have to get them back into my room. And so Swift's on the couch like he likes to sit on. And I go around and I'm trying to do the same thing. But he's getting really, really nervous now.

And he tries to he he tries to like move off the couch and i finally like pick him up but i think he his read of the situation is that it's really tense and he just starts shitting on the ground and i'm seeing this as i'm carrying him and he's just dropping shits as we walk down the hall and i'm like no and i i like audibly explain and i'm pissed so he's even more scared and he goes on the ground sprints down the hall and you know how we have like the hardwood floors right so he skids when he tries to stop and then like slides down the beginning few steps of the stairs and then keeps running into cutie's room where he goes and hides under the bed. I'm like, oh my God. It's 3.15.

I'm so mad. Were you doing new dad hold where you'd hold him by under the armpits and he'd just shit in front of you? Yeah, and he was just dropping bombs. But they're in a trail, right? Right. And I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ.

They're in a trail of shit. I gotta go clean this up now. So I go get disinfectant and paper towels and a bag to pick up the poop. And a fork. Only good thing about this is that they're... I wasn't going to tell that part. I'm hungry, man.

And the only good thing is that they're dry. So they're easy to pick up. It's easy to clean up. It's a W. I'm putting in the bag and I'm going to go take them out. Hey, Ludwig, I wouldn't call it a W. That's lit. That's a doggy dog.

It was so lit. I walk out, I walk out to the cans in the dark and I have the bag of poop that I'm going to throw away before I have to go back inside. And then, and then I touch the bin and I step into the dirt with both feet. And I'm like, what the fuck? And I look at my hands. I am covered in soap and mud. Like everywhere, up to my ankle, my hands like to here is covered in fucking soap and fucking wet dirt.

And I'm like, oh my fucking God, man. Like this is so disgusting like i i have to wash off outside this is what the dalmatians do to corella deville it's the middle of the night so i walk around to the side of the house where i throw the poop away go to the side of the house turn on our our faucet on the side of the house um and i'm like scrubbing everything off but it's soap so it doesn't come off easily right so i actually have to stand up if somebody walked down the street at 3 30 in the morning that night they would see a man on the side of the house like taking a bath like because

i have it takes a while to get each limb clean because the soap makes everything stick longer and i'm like fucking oh my fucking god dude i'm so mad and i go go back to the house 3 30 and i'm like it's swift i've been trying to go to bed for three hours swift is hiding under your bed he won't come out now and i know i know the trick by the way so i try i try to push him out from like under the bed right and he he skedaddles away from me he runs downstairs into the kitchen and is and is just hiding in the corner of the kitchen, clearly terrified. And I'm like, Swift, we just gotta go

upstairs, man. And I pick him up and he starts letting go the stinkiest pea nota, man. Like, just dripping it down. Swift's pee is so stinky, dude. Dude, he doesn't drink any water. He is low. It's so yellow. and we're dripping it dripping it through the kitchen and i'm like

no god no like i have to get him outside because if it doesn't stop like i need to i need to just have him finish outside and as we go through the house further we get to the stairs that like go down uh go down through into the living room like outside right and he starts shitting but now they're wet shits so it's turned from pee to wet shits it's getting on my fucking wrist it's going on my feet and i'm like cheese no stop switch stop like i'm yelling at him and i take him outside and i fucking let him run in the distance and i'm like jesus fuck he can't run off because the fucking we we do like a coyote check, but when we take him out. Oh, yeah, yeah.

It's a problem. And I'm like, no, fuck, he just ran into the distance. He's not gonna wanna fucking come back and he thinks I'm like pursuing him, but I still have to follow him out to make sure he doesn't get fucking eaten. And you have shit on your hands also. And I have shit on my hands.

But you can't let him get murdered. And I can't let him get murdered, so I'm like, I leave him for a few minutes. You know how you walk after you come to the sink? That's how Aiden is like. Aiden's like running after Swift like a zipper. Roll that picture. Roll that picture of this little guy.

Imagine this guy pissing and shitting all over. No, dude. It's like Nick said. It's like Home Alone, but if Kevin was just a shitting dog. Kevin is just this fucking shitting little fucking dog. If Kevin lost his memory and was trapping himself. Swift and the house robber were just getting owned over and over.

Swift is hiding in the corner. Swift is hiding in the corner of the yard. And he won't come to me. So I have to go follow him out and corral him back into the house. Like a shepherd. Yeah. And I'm like, I have to clean up him out and like corral him back into the house. Like a shepherd. Yeah. And I'm like, I have to clean up all the shit and piss now.

And the poop is wet now. So it's like hard to pick up and clean. And this takes way longer this time. How did he make the poop that quick? Can we compliment Swift? Well, I think he- That was a quick backup. He was probably backed up.

Stop it. Stop it. You can't show a picture of that kid. He was probably backed up with hard poop. And then you unleashed the beast within yeah yeah i i let him get to the second in round three black bile starts to come out and i took a dark souls bus again and just swift shitting on the ground in front of you you know i hate about all this too is when i come back in to the fucking living room comes prancing down the fucking

stairs is Durse like nothing is fucking going on dude like he just walks in hey what do you want to do be sorry having a nightmare he trolls down he goes hey that's a lot of shit on the floor goes back upstairs what happened I'm tired that's not supposed to be there he's the people in my chat

that go jump king I thought you played fall guys what's going on dude Durse every day i see him he was really hyper last night but he walks around this house like he's been here the first time yeah every day yeah and it's i want to live like that but yeah that was that was the whole well you're almost there yeah and i finally i finally clean it all up i go back outside i remember that everything's covered in soap now so you know i'm a little more careful and like don't get as much shit on my feet and hands. And I do have to wash off on the side of the house again. It's like it doesn't take as long.

I like it. It's like it's 415 now. And I'm like, I give up. Swift can be fucking terrified under the bed all night. I don't give a fuck anymore I let him sleep alone and I go to bed I wake up in the morning and I see I see him and he won't come out with me to go to the bathroom anymore yeah and I go near him and he always used to like lick my fingers and like lick my face yeah he won't lick me and you guys were tight we we our our relationship

is fractured forever so it's because of that ago was that that was that was two months ago now is it still fractured it he he will lick my hands now if like i sit down next to him for a long time but before it was like he would kind of prance up to me yeah never happens anymore oh yeah it all changed after that night. That's fucked up. Yeah. Well, dogs don't forget, much like the streets. That is true of both the streets and dogs. Shout-outs to both of them. That's right. Damon, I loved how angry you were getting thinking about it.

I'm so mad. You were reliving poop on your hands. Every poop made me so infuriated, which in turn just made him poop more. In hindsight. It's like having a kid. Yeah. That's just, it's an abuse cycle.

I couldn't handle it. Did we do Coinbase? Oh, no. We didn't think of it. Sorry. We can do that. Oh, at the start. Yeah.

We can just do that again. It's fine. Okay. Yeah. Sorry. I thought I had a segue. I actually just don't. But you look good.

Thanks, man. You need to carry this podcast. Me and Nick do. yeah that's all right i thought i had a segue i actually just don't but you look good thanks man you always need to carry this podcast we me and nick do you guys got to do more work here you better have topics ready this guy's 15 minutes for being useless well yeah that's the painted nails are new oh you want to talk about this i don't know anything about getting a lot of 14 year olds calling me gay this week oh yeah well more than average, more than average. Yeah, more than average, admittedly. Yeah, I went IRL with Hassan. This is actually fucked up. You want to hear the most fucked up thing I did? Yes.

So, you know me. I like clickbaiting. I like views on YouTube. You don't sell nicotine anymore. You sell nicotine of the brain. That's right. Exploding children. Merchant of death. Some harsher terms than i would prefer merchant of death go on

so uh i did the irl stream with hasan and in the group uh valkyrie was there and she was supposed to vlog it but she forgot her camera and so hasan said kind of to the group typical valkyrie typical okay come on guys please typical valkyrie it's typical so he says to the group hey if you want to use some of the IRL footage You know feel free More directed to her I heard that like 15 feet away And I texted my editor right away I'm like download the VOD

To upload something from the vlog Shake's at the NASA control center And he's just like fucking smoking weed And he's like a lot it bro And I used the footage and entitled it pokeman took me shopping because because she's good clickbait but uh hasan finds this out goes to my youtube channel and notices my other video from the same hangout we took a group picture there was five of us. In the thumbnail, there were four. I cut Hasan from the thumbnail.

Damn. Why? I cut him out because, one, five is way too many subjects. And, two, he's too tall. Dude. Damn. That's dog. You ripped his content. That is crazy.

And then you cut him out of the thumbnail. And then you cut him out of the thumbnail. Wait, did you content aware? Is it like shitty? Like you took him out in Photoshop thumbnail. And then you cut him out of the thumbnail. Wait, did you content aware? Is it like shitty? Like you took him out in Photoshop, right? No, no, no. I just cropped him out. I cropped him out.

He was on the left side. That's even worse. That's actually even worse. Wait, pull up the zipper. You can pull it up on my Instagram, the original pic, and on my YouTube, the new pic of the cropped version. Did he confront you about this? He saw it on stream and he wasn't pleased. Because not only did we hang out uh he also gave me this ring yeah that weird ring

that looks like a tiny iphone it looks like a mood stone but i'm always just pissed or love corn husband yeah yeah uh yeah so also he came on your game show he did come on my game show and i funny yeah he was great he's been helping you out a lot lately and i didn't put him in the thumbnail for that either what what's wrong with what yeah what the fuck what went through your mind look i said to myself these conservatives they got clicks no i just i he's not great youtube content he's not great youtube clickbait and i just was looking why don't you say hasan shows me his big old penis why don't you think that would be a lie why don't you think why don't you think hasan is good just not as good as pokey man or cody co that's fair that's fair it's not crazy so it's a caste system if you it's literally

you're like the chinese social score and if you don't fucking i've always said this what you're like the chinese social why no one says this all the time behind my back this is the first time i've heard because if if you don't have enough fucking followers you're different if you don't have enough followers now it's gg you get cropped out you know why are you talking to me bro first questions you ever asked me what he used to make a i think it was you used to make a podcast or is when I started making smash YouTube videos, you were like, you said this, you were like, so, uh,

Ludwig, would you rather title things for like what you think is the funniest and like the most clever title is not the first thing you ever asked you, or would you rather title it? So it gets more views. And I, I kept like deferring. I was like,

I don't know, man, like whichever he was like, no, no, no, no, no,

no. Let's just imagine that you could title it one thing and to get the the most views ever but it'd be a sellout title or you could title it something clever from your heart and i was like i don't know i kept deferring he kept pushing and i think in the moment i was like fuck this guy i would do my favorite title i would do the title i think's the best fuck the views and he goes okay and i am not that anymore in reality i've gone the exact opposite here's what really happened because i remember this conversation it was actually actually after we moved in it was me and nick grilling you about this and we were grilling you because it was about the reads because you had a a video with none called maria full of grace yeah and it didn't do too well

because it was like probably too much of a deep reference right yeah and you actually blew up on us you're like fine what do you want me to say i would do it for the views yes i would do it for you yeah i would i would compromise myself yes i would do it for the view you were pissed yeah and i was like oh sheesh you guys you guys you have to understand you like crabby paddies don't you you were incessant you were in you were spongebob levels of incessant you like you are closer to spongebob than any of us here but nick was there too that's the yeah nick but because nick's a fucking tree he'll sit there and he'd be like which one is it man yeah yeah i just i jump on the bit uh so the streets rejected you bro okay so it is true yes you are different now but i don't think you actually are different because

you always wanted to grow and growth requires compromise who took took the gummy, bro? I did a tab of LSD, brothers, and I think that you guys are swell. Speaking of slime on a gummy. Is that Zipper clapping in the other room? Zipper loves drugs. Zipper takes LSD before every episode. Dude, actually, Zipper,

we were talking all before the thing, and he's just like um he's okay zipper said to mix it up i'll make it the first podcast i record without eating a gum yeah very very very hype so anyway uh yeah you're different now you're a shill you always have been but i'm a shill and i cut out hassan i praise you for that always uh and i learned from you even when we were enemies okay zipper has the picture this is the original pic that we took it should be good for the wow it's so much hasan yeah that's what i'm saying so he looks so good you should dude bro you should have just shrunk him and it would

have been funny so what i tried to do really tiny is i tried i tried to increase the size of everyone but pokey main looked like like it was just her head. It was like a walking head. Yeah, you should have made Hassan really small. That would have been funny. Yeah. Come to me. No, because, look, I just, anyway,

apologies to Hassan for cutting you out. Yeah, but it'll get to him some way. It always does. Through the system. Yeah, everyone always hears about you. Do you believe in manifesting? Who? Manifesting.

No, no. It's like there's ska, but they're kind of like new ska. I have a question to Anthony. No. No. Oh, he likes that one. No, he doesn't. He's high.

He likes that one. You don't get credit for that. Hey, Emin. Emin. Emin. This guy got rocked. How long has it been? Zipper, how deep are we? There's no shot. He got that ripped by no megalome.

Is Miles Teller in the room right now? Sorry, go on. Audio listeners, he's a skinny, long guy. am i your pace now is this your tempo oh what was it like what was it like without me wait but nick asked the question yeah please don't know all them better uh so uh why did you put in the topic channel making jill biden squirt i gotta know what that meant all right so so yeah i guess first sorry joe i guess. I guess you weren't. First things first. Sorry, Joe. I guess you weren't there.

Wait, this is a thing? I guess you weren't there. You guys all talked about this? Yeah. So, it was me, Simon, Eamon, and Jill. We're getting talkies. We love having you around, by the way. You just weren't here for the party.

And we were like, oh, we don't want to call him. He's probably, like, busy. Yeah. And no, we were. So, it was a long train of conversation. Basically, we're looking over the miskiff drop because we run a company. Somehow.

And we're looking at the numbers and stuff. And shipping actually is pretty expensive. For a little rundown for you guys, Amazon fucked everything up. They have so many resources that they can get you shit for free shipping in two days, right? Normal companies can't really do that. They have so many resources that they can get you shit for free shipping in two days, right? Normal companies

can't really do that. They have to play by the rules. Bro, six months ago they were like, fuck Bezos, fuck how they're treating these Amazon workers. In my chat last week

they're like, bro, really? How dare you charge me for shipping ever? And it's like, yeah, well that's why because it costs a lot of money. So there are, we've been looking

into solutions in the future for like having shit sort of stocked and manufactured across the globe instead of having to ship it from America. Because the Australians are paying out the ass for things, right? 40 bucks. Good.

And they're complaining. But they also don't have a YouTube presence because of the words they say. Yeah. So who really is the enemy here? They are the enemy. They are that. Come on, man. And so we start talking and we just start joking around.

Because Ludwig will do this thing. He's like, he's boss man, and he'll come in no shirt, and he'll just be like, okay, so here's what we need to do. We need to check the figures. I want a spreadsheet. But then. I hate when you're the business guy, by the way. And he actually has ideas.

He has things he wants to see and help direct the company, but he kind of doesn't finish his thought. So he's like, okay, I'm going to need a spreadsheet. And I'm like, okay, and I start making a note. And I'm like, do you want it to have numbers on it? He's like, yeah, so I want the numbers. I went to brunch, and I was driving back. And as I'm driving back, I'm like, oh, I literally have an hour to shower

and get ready and go live because I had a tournament set for three. And as I'm driving, I'm like oh i literally have an hour to shower and get ready and go live because i had a tournament set for three and as i'm driving i'm like oh i need them to do these things and so i planned out my boss speech to you guys in the car i was like i was driving i was like and then i'll point to slime tell him yeah exactly it was it was much more rehearsed than usual yeah you you had a lot more ideas formed up which is a great i i think you did great anyway so he comes in he starts telling me stuff but he starts talking to aidan he's like so what's the deal with shipping are we like are we like i know it's a lot is there anything we can do about that and amen was like basically the same thing i just said he's like well no uh it's really expensive because it's for

one it's covid and you know things people have an expectation of free shipping and then you know we start joking around ludwig's like okay i think i'm gonna need you to stop this whole covid thing and evan's like oh yeah the like the pandemic okay like okay i'll get on that and then he's like yeah get a get get jill biden on the phone it's too big for joe it's too big for joe and then i was like yeah you need to make jill biden squirt why did you say that because i feel okay i feel like you guys really set me up with a lot a lot here right you gave me a lot of stories but then the jump doesn't make the jump from her not being mentioned to making her cum.

And then you finish the fucking owl. Was instant. There was no. So, but the reason why I thought that was funny to write down was because, one, those words are funny. Yeah. But two, is that the idea of that, like, if there was like a challenge to like, like she held the vial that cures COVID and rids it from the world, but you have to make her squirt.

And she's still the president's wife. So you have to woo her, convince her to have sex with you. And then that to happen. I think it'd be harder to make Joe come. I can make Joe come. I can make Joe come. I think if you pull his ball sack, it'll peel off, dude. Like can make Joe cum. I think if you I make our president cum. If you pull his ball sack

it'll peel off, dude. Like an orange. Yeah. Like a croissant flick. Dude, it's like Goldmember, he takes a big takes a big flake

and he's like, oh, that's a nice one. Yeah. Like a Listerine fucking melts on his tongue. How long do we have to talk about joe's sack before on a list i want to say something about the yard podcast my sack is fine that's not a bad you know on the note of politics before the yard was a show me and anthony were in

the uh we're in the kitchen talking politics for some reason. And we came up with a theoretical. And it was, who do you think would get more of the women vote in America? Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders, but he has a breathtaking pussy. I said this to him, and instead of answering, he goes, save that for the podcast. Save that for episode one. That was before we even had one. That was before we had a podcast.

That was the first save it for the pod ever. You guys would bring that up to people like a classic would you rather yeah like fly your teleport and you'd be like all right so there's there's a hillary there's bernie sanders but he has a just a every time you talk about his pussy you go and it's beautiful it's beautiful it's no ordinary it's no middle of the mall pussy it. I don't even want to expand on it. I'd like the viewers to decide that one. Yeah. Hey, you guys, you know, down below in the comments, we love when you guys comment.

I would love to know what you think. Who would win in an election, let's say in the 2016 climate, Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders running an independent platform with a breathtaking pussy. So vote on your phones now. DNC is still against Bernie. Instead of I'm commenting for algorithm, it should just all be

Bernie, Bernie, Hillary, Hillary. Like an election in our fucking... Yeah, we'll count the stats. This is oddly political before watching it. This is how Bernie can still win. Someone read the comments before watching and went,

weird, weird, it's political. We're going to end up on political YouTube algorithms and that'll be we're gonna be we're gonna be that destiny thumbnail what's your thoughts on the yards take on bernie you have a destiny impression ludwig oh no i can't do a good no i'm trying to think of like him being really like uh what do you call it? Like pedantic and sharp and pointed. I think it would just be like a Shapiro, but like without as nasally of a voice. Yeah, it's like, and you know, let's imagine Bernie Sanders.

It's just like a full Shapiro. You're going full Shapiro. No, no, that's what I'm saying. He's like a, it's hard to do. I couldn't do it. But I want to, let me finish this one out. So let's imagine that you're Bernie Sanders. Okay.

Okay. And you have a pussy. Okay. And it's not just a normal pussy. Let's say that you're bernie sanders okay okay and you have a pussy okay and it's not just a normal pussy let's say that it's a breath on that note i would like to shout out not only uh all uh forms of political are you seriously gonna shout out coinbase yeahipper told us the shit. Oh, God.

All right. You know what? Speaking of beautiful pussy. Hey, I'm down. Hey, honestly, they're fucking lit. This is going great. Anyway, Coinbase sponsors The Yard. If you guys want to check it out, show them some love.

We'd appreciate it. They'd appreciate it. Yeah, download Coinbase and the Yard. If you guys want to check it out, show them some love. We'd appreciate it. They'd appreciate it. Yeah, download Coinbase and please, please. They still haven't done it. They're slow AF, but they're super great when you get them. But their corporate side, just bug them on Twitter. Let them know the Yard sent you and tell them to give us a code. Because if you guys can convince them to give us a code,

then maybe we could get some new Coinbase users. For every day, five bucks free. We don't get a code. I feed Ludwig another gummy. Yeah. Every hour. I can feed you. I can feed you.

You know what's not slow AF? What? Coinbase's deposit time. Yeah. Let's go. Hey, you're hot. Hey, welcome aboard. No, no.

No more ad reads for Aiden for the rest of the year. That's good. Speaking of Mario. Yeah, check out Coinbase. Appreciate it. They sponsor the podcast. Big blue. They make it happen.

It's funny, actually. I replied to someone on Twitter, and I wrote Coinbase, and the Coinbase commercial held up. A lot of people replied. Someone made a dope, full emoticon, just like a giant C, with just a bunch of people replied it someone made a dope full like um emoticon just like a giant c with just a bunch of emojis and shit yeah it's beautiful i i think corn base people love corn base will be our collectively except aiden because he didn't work on it magnum opus it's gonna be our social network yeah yes it is our social network and you are not in

the deal i'm surprised you better not come back for more we didn't piss and shit and fart on your mouth or whatever in the dream i'm gonna write my own just who's in the back being like all right guys maybe we shouldn't do this where's my mom dude jesse eisenberg is planning an elaborate hit on us we have no we have done too much i would love to have him on oh by the way what we shot we're getting him on no he's no way i would just love it that's all i'm saying oh i'd love to have him on yeah would you ask him yeah jesse eisenberg uh come on our podcast right like no i think he's asking would you ask him if that's not what i'm gonna show we just show him pictures of women who look like his mom it's like hot or not do you think what do

you think what do you think she looks like? We do like face mash. That's deep. It's like it goes all the way back around. I actually love him in every movie. Yeah, I think he's a great actor. He's so great. When you started doing the Coinbase read and you kind of like, you snapped into like influencer. It's kind of like Dwayne The Rock Johnson.

Have you noticed that? Like when he talks? He's like a pro wrestler. When you need him to shout out a sponsor, he's like, and I'm going to whip that candy ass and also download Cornbase. There's two levels. Well, because like,

I'll snap into that if the camera's rolling for anything else too. Like think of like when we did the Cornbase shoot, I was like so tired and exhausted and I walked up. I was like, what am I doing, man? And you'd be like this.

And then the camera starts rolling and I'm Cornbase guy until it I'm doing man and you'd be like this and then the camera starts rolling and I'm corn based guy oh yeah until it shuts off you're actually a great uh talent because you don't complain a lot uh actually you really don't complain at all I try to make it so you don't because I'm afraid you will yeah and uh and then you just like yeah you turn it on eat all the gaff tape off the floor when we're done with it yeah that's really important it's good for cleanup we don't need another PA PA To do that Yeah So But yeah I do have the level Where if the camera's on I'll just like

It's auto different And then if there's an ad read And I gotta be professional It's double different I have a question for you Yeah What amount of money Would it take

If the WWE Comes and knocks on your door Vince McMahon And says I want you to do A guest wrestling appearance And I want you to wrestle Like I don't know Whoever the hot shit

Like the equivalent of Stone Cold Steve Austin but that'd be so I wouldn't I wouldn't take my I would do that for free if they well don't say that live I mean I mean yeah I would it would be like 10k an hour you'd be going like the Dennis Rodman route you know like how he got that piece and then

in 20 years you'll be at a basketball game in North Korea it's not brokering peace it's not unfeasible is that a word unfeasible yeah go ahead thanks yeah that doctor disrespect could be in the w100 he's already like wouldn't that be it would be a huge career move he'd be way bigger so you would just do it off rip this is what i'm saying comes out with two ring girls no maria grace Two ring girls. No Maria full of grace. Hey, welcome aboard. Nick's handshake counter is insane for this episode.

For one, I haven't initiated any of them, by the way. I'm just getting daps. That's cap. You initiated at least one. No shot. Really? Check the tapes. Shut the fuck up. No shot.

Check the tapes, bro. Was that what I sound like? It's lit. Okay. Can we not be each other's flaws okay i'm one shot uh yeah so you would do it right away yeah 100 i would love that opportunity okay i just curious i have i haven't i can't leak this but i do have an opportunity for something else but i what i get so bored at the monotony of just regular streams and regular schedule yeah you

can't like you need to smother like baby ducks to come now what you he means by that is yeah i look forward to some larger projects like the germa stream i'm doing this week yeah uh i'm super excited about that no leaks no i'm a lot of leak it's public now the thing you said no leaks do i know about it the only thing that's no leaks is exactly where it is oh and uh and maybe like some specifics on what's going on. But no, it's leaked that I'm doing. I'm going to I almost said it. Uh oh. 30 milligrams.

I'm going to do this stream, which is an IRL Sims stream. They can't call it that because it's an IRL dollhouse virtual time stream. Is this going to be Chuck E. Cheese? You guys are all going to Chuck E. Cheese together?'s what you're doing right you told me that Chuckie Cheese yeah you said you really want that's why you can't go you want to eat the pizza off the floor you want to go Chuckie Cheese really bad that was the gas tape again Chuckie Cheese with

germa can't say shit like that yeah he's just I'm going to do the dollhouse stream and it's over three days um and I've been I've been so excited about it. One time as adults, me and Anthony went to Chuck E. Cheese. I got smoked on guitar. Before we go in, there's a full dozen Krispy Kreme donuts sitting in the parking lot.

Oh, yeah. We're at the Chuck E. Cheese parking lot. There's a whole dozen Krispy Kreme donuts sitting on the asphalt. And me and Anthony are hovering over it. But like a full dozen, which means they didn't take one. Okay, here's what it is. Let me describe it.

It's a fresh, clean box of Krispy Kreme. We open it because it looks so clean, and it's literally 12 glazed, untouched donuts. Like if you were going to trap a kid outside of a chuck E. Cheese This is what you would leave there. You would leave it under the box with the stick. It's out of place It's like using a metal detector getting an actual treasure full of doubloons. Yes. Yes And so we come we like I'm like I'm taking this home. I look at him I go no I mean, it's the middle of the street. You can't just take it. He's like is fresh off of being you know, a I mean, it's in the middle of the street.

You can't just take it. Nick is fresh off of being, you know, an affluent man, and you're fresh off being a house rat. So I can see why this juxtaposition happened. Yeah, that's true. Because you'd literally been sleeping on the floor. Yeah, that's true. And at the time, while we were there, I was third wheeling on a date.

Yeah, it was a girl I was dating at the time. Anthony was dating someone, and I was third wheeling. Not the one that gave him the money. So we're all hovering over these donuts, and he's just like willingly in front of this date being like, I want to take these home and eat these. And I'm like, bro, I mean, you know, live, live your life. King. He's not good at impressing. And then she was cool.

And then we look, we look into the Chuck E. Cheese and we see that there's guitar hero. And we're like, do you think we can go in there as adults and like play video games? Yeah. And so we walk in and we asked the person, do you think we can go in there as adults and like play video games? Yeah. And so we walk in and we ask the person, hey, can we just hang out here? And he's like, yeah, yeah.

Can we hang out here with the kids? So we go in and Anthony's talking shit. Anthony's like, oh, Guitar Hero, bro? I'm still good at it. I really, he's like,

I want to fucking rematch you now. He's like, I play real guitar, bro. You fucking think you can play me a toy guitar game? I play Guitar Hero 2 a lot. I'm looking at him like, I'm five-star Freebird. Fuck you.

Bro, I'm Thad Jarvis in this fucking, in this Chuck E. Cheese. And I'm looking at him like, you want me to do this, bro, on your date? You want me to do this on your date, bro? And we walk up and he's like, what difficulty do you want to play on? I'm like,

He had to ask. I did not say that. You're making shit up. You're making shit up. You're doing what he did earlier. I like the idea of. I'm like. Amy, search up baby penises.

You're talking about the difficulty on Guitar Hero. I like the vision of him looking at your girlfriend and looking back and going, you sure, brother? Like a Disney channel movie. So he's hovering easy. I go, let's. No, i'm not i said expert of course i was very confident he's got one hand on his dick he's in one i'm like i didn't even know there was multiple difficulties you have no idea how much every time i think

about this i'm like i want to i literally want to buy guitar hero right now and and knock on nick's door and be like get the fuck down right now. So Anthony takes out a pair of cut-off gloves and puts them on each hand. He licks his fingertips. My daddy showed me this. And I look back at her and I wink. This will be quick, babe. Fucking devil went down to Georgia

and I chucked his teeth. And I'll say it was a fucking quick 2-0, dude. It was a quick 2 quick two on my part i fucking dusted him you didn't dust i fucking it's like sadly takes off the gloves i'm so mad so i was trying to get his pinky to touch the orange button i move all four i move my whole this was a real guitar change my position he's like that one's called a hammer on it

The embarrassing thing The embarrassing thing Is that I played Guitar Hero Before I played real guitar Do you think that's more Embarrassing than Losing out to Chuck E. Cheese

On a date It's more embarrassing Than what Than the origin story He said It's all embarrassing And then Nick slept With his girlfriend

Yeah She was just like That night She was like, I'm gonna go It's a cool if we take the doughnuts to I'm like hey kid here. I feel like I'm a donut hits me in the face So so I by the way we bring those donuts home if and every time ludwig i was like makes fun of me for being a rat he ate the donut first no we didn't tell him no no no yes we did what happened is you guys came home and you said i got a dozen donuts

and then i was by the time you explained there on the floor is like in my mouth yeah yeah yeah i don't think that's true no it happened 100% 100% it happened I think you guys told me I was about to bite it and you're like

no no no no because the slime will troll you but there's a line where he's like he'll be like I don't want you to get hurt yeah and it might have formaldehyde in it

yeah don't eat it just a little bit that's the comb one the cum one cum ones would you guys do a challenge it's a wing show

a dozen donuts glazed one of them i came on oh life or level yeah wait like it's sean evans one you have to eat one donut but you have to pick and if you pick the come one you have to eat it all but what's what do i we gotta finish if you don't pick the come one you win 10k wow this is good odds yeah what the fuck i would yeah i would eat the cum donut for 10k 10K. Wow. This is good odds. Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. I would eat the cum donut for 10K. I don't care. I know you're clean.

I would also do that. Don't shake on eating my cum, you fucking weirdos. Welcome aboard. Welcome aboard. 10K is 10K, baby. I might have to lower the money amount. I don't know why. You wouldn't do this.

No. No shot. What would you to lower the money amount. I don't know why. You wouldn't do this. No. No shot. What would you do it for? Free. I actually am very curious. What would you eat Ludwig's cum donut for? A dollar amount. I gotta finish it?

100. Well, yeah. It's not a bite. I gotta finish the whole thing. You gotta finish it. That's so crazy to make them finish the whole thing. I'm backpedaling. I'm backpedaling.

$22,000. You wouldn't do it for $20,000? No. Really? whole thing that's so crazy let me back i'm backpedaling i'm backpedaling twenty two thousand dollars you wouldn't do it for 20 no really you would say no in the most annoying game sign plays he'll play in every situation in life like how much money actually exactly and then the moment you say any number he'll go one or two k below and be like real really? Hold on, hold on. Really? 99.99 K. Do people know I did it or is it just me and Ludwig? Just you and Ludwig. I'll tell people on a podcast. 150 K.

150? Yeah. You wouldn't do it for 100? No. Wait, nobody ever finds out? 140? No. 150.

It's Kat though, right? No, it's Kat. I don't think you do 140. 150. I'm sorry. Do I gotta say that shit again, bro? It's the one after 149. All right, Zipper,

bring out the case. So what we got... I do so many things for 150 dollars. We call them peen-filled donuts. Zipper brought up just a stock image and one of these is a lucky one. So the conclusion

of the story is I knew and I said, fuck it, I'm done. And you just ate it and we were like, damn. And then I ate it too because I was like well if he dies i'll die with him yeah and so you're down to get i'm not scared of the poison and donuts true you're not i should have been scared of the sugar that's right brother i've been very annoying to everyone lately because i i've been killing the diet cut back on sugar i've been doing actually super well with it no i've gone no like two weeks i've been doing great i just wanted to see what he said i wanted to either go yes i have I have, or you're right.

He's visibly skinnier. No, he's not. Yeah, I actually think so. All right, update. Oh! I'm just kidding. No, I'm just joking. You actually are.

Yeah. Hey, I'm proud of you. You look great, dude. You look great. And that was flexing. I watch content now. Okay. This is new, as you guys might know

It's getting new We've had so many conversations lately We'll be like oh yeah you remember that That's a clip that looks like Zurgris hit And then you'll be like yeah Or I'll be like oh shit that reminds me of that H3 video And Sly will be there like what are all these things He's a boomer

This is bullshit because yesterday I go in the kitchen And I say hey I say this with a tone Implying I know the answer. And I'm like, did you watch what I sent you? And he's like, no. And I'm like, why? And he's like, he's like, well, I don't watch shit. And I'm like, well, I just sent you a funny thing.

I want you to watch it. It's a YouTube video. He's like, if you want. Might as well ask me to read a book. He goes, if you would have written what the video was i would have watched it and i'm like there's an embedded fucking picture that pops up in discord that says exactly what it is and it shows a picture yeah i'll tell you what it's insane so you know what's fucked up same thing happened to me i barely ever send someone a tiktok i've done it maybe five times

in my life. And one of them was to Slime, and I asked him, had he seen the TikTok? And he said, oh, no. He just ignores his friends. So it just said, it was,

you said this bit is really funny, which I always appreciate his context, meaning, hey, you should watch this. I think you'd like it. I didn't know, it's called British standup is bad. It's a Comptown bit. I didn't know it was that.

It said British. I wasUp is Bad. It's a Comptown bit. I didn't know it was that. It said British. I was immediately turned off. What? You didn't get to the next word. I threw up in my mouth. At British. No, I just looked at it, and I was like, okay. You know what's fucked up? I'll watch it later, but then I didn't.

It was a Comptown bit, but it says Comptown first. No, it fucking doesn't, you piece of shit. Look at what it says. I like the... It says British Stand-Up is Bad from The Future Files. Fair enough. So if it said Comptown, I probably would have watched it, piece of shit look at what it says it says british stand-up is bad from the future files okay fair enough so if it said calm down i probably would have watched it because like we're kind of looking at podcast content trying to be better and shit you're not the asshole i didn't have it for a

long time what happened is he took it and i said you're not bringing that back and he said i will and then it wasn't back for at least a week or two that's true yeah it did take a while but i brought it back before you fucking knew i obviously that's not true because i just told the story and i remember going downstairs for the face wash and it wasn't there and i said that son of a bitch can i fucking say what i was gonna say please your face looks bad oh it's dirty you don't use the face wash okay here's why it's the clearest your skin's ever been here's it's actually true yeah it looks great here's why i took it is because uh he brought a four pack i did buy on the business i buy chonk on the business card I buy Chonk

On the business card Which I told him not to do I buy Chonk Anyway So I've been watching A lot of content Giving my friends Things back

Ignoring other Ignoring other friends And so Basically I'll like Fall asleep Or I'll like Keep something So they're called Smosh

You guys aren't gonna believe this What about Pokemon But it was real life By the way, fuck you because I'm such a boomer. This video bangs. It's called

How to Be Ninja. I watched the Smosh Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles video on dial-up, you fuckers. You guys gotta watch this video, The Evolution of Dance.

It's on this E-bombs world. You guys are gonna love this. I hate you guys so much. Hold on, let me crank the computer. You guys heard a new grouts

dude this solid figures video is gonna be so scared this is creepy but also it's kind of it's kind of cool i could quote this uh yeah so i'm watching stuff i'll watch a lot of uh there's mortal combat youtuber watch i watch a lot of like there's like what happened to certain businesses that failed. And I watch, and I started once again, watching, which used to be the only thing I ever looked up was Linus Tech Tips. Okay, watching Linus Tech Tips again. And I'm just like, he's great. He makes clickbait that I want to see.

Like, is this worth it? You know, all this shit. Building a computer with only like my asshole hairs. And I'm like, I want to see that, brother. building a computer with only like my asshole hairs and i'm like i want to see that brother but so a long time ago i would watch there was a video where linus and luke who is no longer there anymore and he's beautiful he's a beautiful man and they built a uh oil mineral oil build which is a computer inside of liquid yeah and it's like looks cool pain in the ass yeah and it's like looks cool painting. Yeah, yeah, and it's like a fish tank that would come Okay, so they did Luke Luke supplied all the

It took them this it took a beautiful man. It took him so long. It's like rtx 3090 yeah, they had it they have to call up the 4chan guys that like do the cum jars Anyway, this has been so much coming this year. You guys fucking started it. Anyway, I'm watching a lot of Linus and I remember a long time ago I watched this and when Linus works with other people,

when Linus works with other people, he's kind of a prick. He's kind of like, he reminds me of like a boss that I used to have and he's like, he doesn't really joke around.

He's kind of like, he's kind of like a dick. Feels like he's a dick and I'm like, fuck Linus, he's a dick. He looks like he's a dick. I think he's just not thatus. He's a dick. He looks like he's a dick. I think he's just not that charming.

I watched another video. But it's different because he'll be in front of camera. He's like, so the RTX 39 does a lot. Oh, there it is. This is the actual. You have a pretty good Linus. Yeah, I watch a lot of Linus. I do like Linus.

So there's times in which he'll kind of be like really sharp and snotty and like not very fun to what appears to be around, right? And this is segmented into my brain. I'm watching Linus again and he's doing it again. And I'm like, this is years later. And I'm like, Linus is a dick. And then it fucking cracked on me. People think that way about me. Whoa.

Yeah. They think you're a nerd? Wait, you just realized this because i unjustifiably have an opinion a negative opinion about a guy from what feels like a natural place like i know guys like this and he's being a dick yeah but you'd actually don't know his workplace i don't know that and i wouldn't want someone to think that about me however i would never act like linus does because he's a dick so many people think you're a dick i know but what i'm what i'm trying to put i'm trying to put together because after the patreon soared into the atmosphere i was driving and i'm like

i'm a content creator now dude there's no getting i've been in a situation so many times where someone will come up to me and be like uh like oh yeah like one time like slime said this to me and like they'll explain the whole situation and i'm like yeah slime's in the wrong here probably but i'm like you know you're my boy so i'm always just like yeah that's crazy man i don't know but i walk away like damn i can't believe he said that yeah what context i'll be on band forums that i'll be reading them and it'll be like a slime ban i'll be like oh yeah man you know it's like i entered a discord and i said hi to him because i'm like a big fan i just said hi and he banned me that that's what i used to do i

my my tolerance level used to be so low because i resented every part of like streaming and streaming culture and everything now my tolerance level is insanely high i was doing on band forums bro it'd be like slime banned me and i'd be like no comment so i'd look i'd go to my chat he never chatted my chat ever i go to slime's chat he chatted once he's like what round is it in valorant no i would never ban for that i would never ban for that you have banned for like questions about like if like sometimes like what agent are using and the agent was on screen that's something you'd be no that's not it you guys don't get me you guys no no you would literally be like yeah um cypher it says on the fucking screen open your eyes get that ass band that's exactly what you would literally be like, yeah, Cypher, it says on the fucking screen, open your eyes, get that ass banned. That's exactly what you would fucking say.

But that's funny. No, okay. Hold on. Hold on. No, no, no, no. Okay, so listen. I'm not going to sit here and defend any of my bans. I know a lot of them, I get annoyed really easy.

Dude, people will be like, nice aim, like, LOL, after I, like, fuck up a round, right, if I'm playing Valorant. And I'll ban that guy because i'm mad right now because i'm sad that i lost the round and anger is sadness repackaged and i'll ban him and then that's that right sometimes i'll ban for more like more fun things because i don't care yeah right but you know what i found out you can just time out for like 15 days 13 with the little 13 with a little slider yeah i just do that now all i'm saying is yes i have a low uh tolerance for people who annoy me because i imagine every single person standing there and talking to my face i just do it's not it's a flaw even though it's like that'd

be scary even though it's how i feel like it's like that's how i i want to see the world is that i'm looking person to person every time that That's how I see all the chat messages. And then I just click into a motor. I'm like, why the fuck would you say that? Get the fuck, go for it. Cause I've done that at tournaments.

I go, I go to bat for you. I go to bat for you. I'm not, I'm never sitting there agreeing with some guy who's mad at you. I'm always just like, what I'm saying. I,

I have a way high tolerance now, but now I, and I, I am having thoughts about Linus, right? These like insane thoughts, you know, like he's in a gang with miles Teller they're pissing on my face he's getting his clothes off and he's attacking me it's brokeback mountain but we're in a micro center and i'm like

do it's me and linus tech tips am i being am i being fair to linus here and part of me believes so strongly that i'm right and part of me is like that's crazy after that conversation yeah god what and but part of me is also like but you know what i i would i would be annoyed if someone extrapolated this from like content so i'm not gonna be that guy and now i'm different and the patreon changed you know what i what i don't understand about this is that you can be all these things and also have the self-control to not get mad at people on mics. Because that's my weakness. On mics. That's so much different.

Because we're on a team. And we need to work together. So Eamon is a dick to Valorant teammates. And he will literally shit on them verbally and tell them that they suck and make fun of them. That literally happened a lot. I have never told someone that they suck to their face in that them that's that is literally happened a lot i have never told someone that they suck you're just you're just fucking bad man you're just

yes you have dude what absolutely i think what amon will do is he i'll jump in he'll he'll jump right to like the harshest tone dude and that's that's his problem. That's what I would say is his problem. Yeah. Forget his words. His problem is like someone will like accidentally flash both. Aimee will die. He'll go, dude. And then he'll like wait till the answer and go like, Cypher.

Cypher, you have to call your flash. You have to call your flash. If you don't call your flash and I go in there, I'm just going to fucking die. You'll be like, you said we're going B. It's like, dude, I said we're going to be going A. And you're like, dude, we should have gone. That's us. Will you catch Aimee? I'll be like, you said we're going B! It's like, dude, I said we're going to be going A. And you're like, we should have gone, that's us. Will you catch Aiden? I'll do that to you guys.

Will you catch him and you literally like, no, I shadow played it, I said this. Well, still. I didn't hear that, I guess. Hold on. The last time we did that, I was right. When? The last time we came down here. We are knocking the maybe- Let me bring it back. Let me bring it back.

Let me bring it back. So Aiden, you were bringing up this idea of like the reason why I have a more controlled environment to people on a team. Which is I want to win the game and I don't want to jeopardize that by telling them, by making them mad. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. But you also want to win the game but don't care about potentially having them throw. I think it's because I care more about being right than winning the game. It is the only person I know in my life who is more concerned with surfacing the truth in every situation. What I mean by this is sometimes I'm really bad at parsing sarcasm.

Because if someone says a sarc really stark or not like if someone says a sarcastic comment to me i'll take them seriously a lot of the time club like oh no that's not what happened this would happen like oh i'm kidding yeah i do that a lot because i can't control it aiden does that to like the next level someone in chat and valorant's like lmao nice flash and aiden will explain to the other team why the flash he threw was actually good and why it messed up oh my god i have to literally talk i have to be like aiden don't talk to the other team why the flash he threw was actually good and why it messed up oh my god I have to literally talk I have to be like Aiden don't talk to the other team just fucking he's like

no he has to understand I think you're really typing and I threw it like he doesn't know the dog was barking in the house and that distracted me and that's why it missed and I'm like you really think he cares he's calling you a loser and because he wants to troll you no it was always down to have a genuine reaction though it's just a fucking idiot just a fucking idiot all right see when I say that He's calling you a loser because he wants to troll you. Amos owes down to have a genuine interaction, though.

This guy's a fucking idiot. He's a fucking idiot. See, when I say that, because you hear me say depraved shit about my teammates, but I'm not. You won't say it directly to them. I'm not on push to talk when I say that shit. I think 99% of the time he doesn't say it to them. Sometimes he might blow up.

No, because the biggest blowups are I can literally hear him go, no, listen to me, Cypher. And I know he's fucking nuts. Yeah, but that's when it's an argument about something that happened. Yeah, but he won't be like, you fucking loser. This reminds me of something that came up in my head. They're just all Ludwigs and you're in the car. The same thing you did to Ludwig you do to these poor souls.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I get it. That took me a minute, bro. But I mean it. 30 milligrams man anyway sorry go on i uh because the csgo this reminds me of the csgo buy story and this there was another layer that i had forgotten about because this part i had i had disdain for i did not enjoy this but my friends that got me into cs and taught me the ways of the binds, uh, would use team speak exclusively,

even after discord came out because team speak lets you set easily set up soundboards tied to keys. And there was this era where we, while the binds are filling the chat and like the chat is unreadable every game, you also have to compete with uh just random youtube sounds like going off in the middle of your round the two most depraved examples of this that they all had set were that video where a little kid throws a ping pong paddle at his

older brother and then his older brother knocks the ping pong table over and the kid is like screaming as loud as he can. They have that entire audio track set to like a key in the game. So you would just hear that. And you'd be 1v3 clutching and then Ian would turn on this fucking bind that plays this video called Scotland Forever. Oh, that's a classic. Which is a bass boosted bagpipe song where these guys scream yeah and you listen to that that's a classic round while you're trying to clutch and i i've forgotten about this because it got so bad one day because the call that you can't hear anybody

in the call anymore because so many people have this set up yeah and i'm like if this is brain this is my breaking point i i cannot play with you guys anymore if we keep doing there used to be this uh i can't believe you would play with that there used to be this little like uh thing like this big it was called a smack talk and you could plug it into the bottom of your xbox 360 controller and it would like elastic up over the battery pack and then plug your mic into that and you could record six messages into it and then on xbox live you could play them as a second soundboard whenever you wanted to and i had one and we'd always go into lobbies and with the second the other team started talking shit i

would just spam yeah you just start i would literally just start button matching all my friends knew like oh we gotta mute them for like three rounds. Wait, can I ask your TeamSpeak thing? Did that output the sound to the CSGO game? No, to TeamSpeak. So it was just you guys. Yeah, you're just fucking each other over. But if you pushed to talk, you could push it into the game if you wanted to. Okay, understood. So you know who used to do that same shit?

Stud Muffin. Oh, Davey and Stud Muffin. Yeah, so Stud Muffin, one time I was playing CSGO with our Smash friends. First time, I'm bad at the game. I don't know how to play it. But it's this clutch round, and my friend has a shotgun, which is bad on Dust2. And he just turns on his output to the team. And we have two randos.

And it's this EDM remix of Get Out of My Swamp. And it's like Shrek. And I'm like, yeah, we are truly in the sauce. But let me let me uh real quick i wanted to someone posted on the subreddit uh i made my the code from the cs go uh they talked about the binds they talked about plus some of my own none of them are funny except for one and i wanted to read it out uh bind space plus jump say look me in my balls every time every time you jump all the others not funny but uh yeah shouts out to the subreddit sometimes you get there like 120th yeah we're there yeah well

you know yeah five percent's good that's my that's my dad's odds yeah how how long till we are no longer funny us i think if you stay in tune with what's going on. Senior year of high school? This dude's fucking... What is that? What is that? What are you eating? I ate a lobster roll and I toasted it.

And I left part of the toast on the plate and he just ate it. You hungry, man? Yeah. Jeez, man. Oh, much, dude. You're hungry, dude. This guy's some snackies. We're a quarter to ice cream.

I feel great. You feel great? I'm a queen. Give this guy some snackies. We're a cordon. I feel great. You feel great? I'm a queen. You seem great and feel great. I don't think I could ever be deterred, even if I was just given a suppository of acid to not swallow anything. Aiden, swallow. Get it down.

Come on. I could never be any different on camera, I think. Wait, what? You're saying there's no amount of weed you could never be any different on camera, I think. Wait, what? You're saying there's no amount of weed you could take to be different on camera? I think if you did crack, you would be different. Yeah. I think you might be different. I'm different.

I'm saying like, but instill in that, like creator zone. I would love to see Eamon and Ludwig do a little clink with two little crack pipes and then just fucking just. All right. And then just be shivering the whole episode. It becomes the biggest Patreon in the world. 10k. If we pass CGP Grey...

Would you do crack? If we get the biggest... I will allegedly do crack. You know what? I would do the crack with you guys. If we were the biggest? I would break 10 years of sobriety because I know I wouldn't want to do it again. And then we'd get arrested.

Dude, why does it have to be crack? Could we pick a better drug? We could just do cocaine, right? Isn't that the same drug? Crack is cocaine, right? I always thought it would be badass. It's the base form. It's way more intense.

Allegedly, do ketamine. Dude, there was a- I would never do it unless we became the biggest... Yeah, I think there's a funnier drug than crack. No, no, ketamine is pretty funny. Crack is the funniest drug. Ket is funny, too. Crack is not the funniest drug.

Ketamine is funny because saying ket is so funny. That's true. Also, what's the one they use in Wolf of Wall Street? That's funny. Oh, Quaaludes. Quaaludes is funny. Out of production. Have you seen the Quaaludes guy?

Yeah, the Quaaludes guy. Yeah, the Quaaludes guy. I've seen that video. I've watched that video so many times. When you say the Keybinds, Twitch chat would be so good

at the Keybinds. We should do Kratom. They would do Quaaludes guy. They would do Margaret Thatcher's dead, ding dong, the bitch is dead.

That'd be one of the Keybinds. Twitch chat would be gods at this. You will love the Quaaludes video, I think. Yeah? We'll watch it.

You're hit or miss on everything I've ever suggested to you to watch. That's not true. Except for a fart. I'm pretty unsure. Dude, one time I tweeted this out. I sent Ludwig this TikTok of like, it's like some fucking planes in Russia. Like some Russian meadow. And it just caves in in and you just hear

screaming in the background and it's in russian and i and i sent it to ludwig because we were like sending each other tiktoks and he just he just said bro send me funny ones because it wasn't funny it was so scary it was such a scary video i actually i was so curious because it looked so bad in the video and i sent it to a friend who could speak russian and i was like please tell me what they say didn't illuminate the circumstances at all it was just like oh yeah he's saying like watch out yeah watch out there's the orphan shit. Yeah. Watch out. The orphanage is there. Please stop.

The underground Russian orphanage has caved in. This is so bad for us. Please someone help on TikTok. Well, yeah. You said some fucked up shit. I have to say, I want you to stop. I'm requesting you. I don't send you shit anymore.

No. Dude, I barely send you shit. I'm not done to stop farting in the DLTGC. No. I will requesting you. I don't send you shit anymore. No. Dude, I barely send you shit. I'm not done. To stop farting in the DLTGC. No, I will never stop. The Doritos, Locos Tacos Gaming Center? I request. Fuck you, pay me. Pay me money.

We have an office. Pay me actual money. Please. How much money? Wow. We have entered into negotiations. If this is higher than what it takes to eat the cum donut, I'm going to be mad. How much money? How about, you know what? You start the bidding. Heat the cum donut. I'm going to be mad. How much money?

How about, you know what? You start the bidding. That's crazy. 500 bucks. More. 600 bucks. More? Do better negotiation.

Give me a number. $10,000. What? The same as the donut? You're smoking weed. I thought we were talking bread. You're hiring. It's the same as the donut.

I'm sorry. I thought we were talking bread. I would eat your gum for as much money as I'd stop farting. Let me jack off your mouth on camera. That's a one-to-one. Let me jerk off in your mouth right now. Let me mama bird you. Let me mama bird you my specimen.

10K, your number for everything. This is crazy. Let me pull my butt right now and just give you the sauce. I just thought we weren't having brunch. Are you doing good? We need a way to strike back. You need to just give us $100 every time you do it. No.

Have a fart jar. No, I won't. You know what I'm going to do tomorrow? I'm going to fire you. I don't care. That would be so funny. He's going to come downstairs, and I'm going to squirt mustard

all over your keyboard. Like Jill Biden. Oh, his nice keyboard? Yeah. I would actually fucking fight you. He would be mad at that. Yeah. That would be so mean.

Why would you do that? The farts are mean. Making it mustard gives us a 50% chance that you think it's funny. No, you mean funny? He doesn't stop. Exactly what I was going to say.

If he never stops the moment the bottle ends he's a second muster what the fuck are you doing he just kept going and then it started

to do the thing we're going now that I think about it here's the thing here's the difference if I walk in and there's mustard

on my shit I'm pissed like the tea if I walk in on an abandoned tea can I'm gonna be furious but if you leave the room in

anger come back with mustard stare me in the face and then just do it i cannot i cannot stop myself from going i respect what you're doing and i appreciate this so yeah you're right but it depends it depends on the time like everything i'm gonna take a risk one day. What are you going to do? I'm going to have like four mustard bottles ready. You're going to be on my stream. I'm going to just pour them on your head. We should totally mustard this guy. You guys down to mustard this guy later?

Totally mustard him. I'm going to wait until you're sleeping one day. Get the fucking boys. It's like Full Metal Jacket. You're just musterding me. Can you look up the video of the guy who's sleeping? With way too much mustard on him. His friends just start mustard on him his friends it's one of my favorite videos because of how unreal long it is it is so long and you're like it's kind of like that that video you talked about in the patreon

episode last time of the the penises that kept coming but they're big right it's like that okay you're like why is there so much mustard in this? Real quick, if you didn't join the 3,000 people who join our Patreon, consider joining. What the fuck are you doing not being in the Patreon? We got a lot of tears in it.

I can't talk about it more on YouTube. I can't. But I talked about an old prawn video, the first one I ever saw. We talked about it for like 30 minutes. No, it wasn't that long. It was the longest segment.

It was like 15, 20. It was not 30. It was a good segment. It was like 15, 20. It was not 30. It was a good minute. Rampaging through your veins. I think it was super funny. Yeah, it was crazy. Anyway, the video is much like that, but with a mustard bottle and a guy.

Here's the mustard guy. Let me see that video, zipper. Oh, this is great. Dude, I can't. Bro. It's so much mustard. I also love how he does this he just doesn't cover he's just this sound too he's like oh what's going on and it's just like that he like is literally waking up from a dream of miles

i like how even though miles teller is just still going was saying. It's just still going. Even though in my mind, you and XQC are polar opposites, you both die at mustard. Yeah, because we are fundamentally appreciate high art. Dude, it's so much. It's still going. It is still going.

And the video is still so long. He's gone. It's a good... Oh, this is a shortened one. He literally gets up and just walks around. No, there's more Yeah It's a full minute of mustard

And I think it says yellow Simpsons face Dude oh my god Oh that's awesome Classic Anyway so you want me to stop farting in our office Dude I really do I really do I I really do. I hate it.

Okay, here's what I'm going to do. Because you outrank me in many ways. I do. Outrank, outtank, outtank. I will not fart in the DLTGC. Actually, you know what? $10,000. Oh, my God.

Really? I'm not being respected. You went from free to... I'm not being respected. Because of the handshake. You used it on monologue. You used it on spank. When I,

when, I will not do it when you're in there. Dude, one time Anthony- I'll take that. I don't care about- What the fuck?

I'll take that. I fight my own battles. I'm not shaking your ass. Welcome aboard. One time, one time Anthony farted on a drive home from a smart tournament.

Bro, I know what you're talking about. It was, it was epic. He's like, I thought, I know what you're talking about. It was epic. He's like, I thought... I thought it's only his farts. He like opens up drawers and smells them. What I'm going to say is a little sensational,

and I don't... I mean this. It was historic. It was like there was a dead body inside of him. It was... It was... Merciless. Dude, we were driving from San Diego,

80 on the highway, windows windows down and it didn't do anything it didn't change the fact that we were we were in the chamber it was were you driving uh it was our friend no i think it was sergio oh no you subjected sergio to that i did a a decorated veteran of the air he fucked his brain up okay here's the real test message sergio see if he remembers it. 100%. You couldn't forget. How many farts do you remember in a life? I'll never forget this.

A dozen? This was the 9-11 of farts. It was fucking unforgettable. Unforgettable and catastrophic. In a 20-year war ensued. And a lot of people don't believe it happened. And only now are we paying the repercussions I hate it I hate your farts in conclusion

I won't do it when you're in there I appreciate that Get fucked If Eamon ever surpasses me in company structure Yeah well And if you ever surpass me That's what I'm saying it's only between me and him If I get Steve Jobsed out my company ever surpasses me in company structure yeah well you know and if you ever surpass me i'm that's what i'm saying it's only between me and if i get steve's jobs out my company anyway to

answer your question because i think it is it's interesting who takes over slime honors gaming takes over and he farms uh obituary slime thinks he's the guy you guys are capping it's push a t i push a t take your only man that could fill my shoes why push a t push a t yeah You guys are capping. It's Pusha T. Pusha T. Pusha T. Only man that can fill my shoes. Why Pusha T? Pusha T, yeah. Like a streamer that's not the guy that I think you're talking about. Pusha T's a rapper.

Pusha T's the rapper. Why? Pusha T. I don't think you guys could do it. He's the first guy that came to my mind. I was listening to his song yesterday. It was amazing. Boys!

Today. We're going to play a little bit of Fall of fall guys i know what you're thinking you sound like you're doing myths uh this this version of you doing myths version of me yeah the myth is a killer you i'll take that i know it's huge all right well that settles it it won't be me uh do yours but my ludwig you're real quick and we'll test and the winner will get my throne when I die look I'm gonna do I'm gonna do dial that back a little bit

no I'm doing skydiving video Ludwig okay look the thing is it was my birthday the other day and cutie Cinderella

decided to take me skydiving and so I go skydiving now I've never been skydiving you're Watto but I would do it and I did do it and i might tell you

it was crazy that's a fucking sound in my ears i've learned a lot i'm proud i'm doing my ludwig now my improved ludwig you're you're fucking you're you're you're roasting me but he does this he has like this like gravity gravity this gravelness in his voice. You know what you're doing? You're doing catatrash bacon time. You think that I'm really bad at this? That's what he does.

That's what he does. You guys are acting like I'm being gaslit. I can't handle it. You just did Nick's voice. I thought you were doing Nick's. That is how you sound to me. Oh, okay. Let me cite an actual source.

Well, you sound like an emphysema commercial. You got a stoma. Today, boys. Anyway. This is what I... So I went skydiving the other day. Now, you guys might know. That's it. You're doing way too guttural. I'm not that gutt day. Now, you guys might know. That's it.

You're doing way too guttural. I'm not that guttural. You're so guttural. I'm going to pull up a fucking video right now. I'm doing the video live. He's doing a voice. So I flew in a plane. And I jumped out of it.

So I float in a plane. I said to the plane, hey, come on. Drop me out of the plane. What do you say I says? Like you're from fucking New York. I love I says So I says to him Why do you say that

I think it's funny That's it Why do you fart In front of us Because you think It's funny Because it is funny Because you think

It's funny I say You laugh every time I literally laugh Every time You laugh every time And he doesn't I've never laughed

Ever once I want to get Slime of Vuvuzela And see what happens If he rips ass into it i i think someone in australia gets ibs yeah i uh i think it's funny to say i says to him yeah so i do that a lot yeah i get it and i think it's fine i'm just saying it makes my brain sort of like crack like a like you also think Linus is a dick so he is me and Linus both say fuck

you he's just so weird when he's around people he treats them weirdly comment down below if you like Linus tactics actually the foreskin comes off with a gun so we've been talking to NvidiaVIDIA about the Foreskin that comes from their GPUs. Now, they've been using Foreskin that comes from a different manufacturer. My Linus is so good. This all started, by the way, this conversation with Linus from you talking about content you've been watching. You don't watch, by the way, content. Because when I think of content, I think of like YouTube, mainstream.

This is what's culturally relevant. Linus has so many more subs than you will ever have. Let me finish True, it's okay. It's true though. Sure. That's okay. It's mainstream You're see let me finish look so you you watch a lot of content is what you've been saying But content to me is what's really culturally relevant and popping these days But you mostly watch what I've seen in the past week videos on fiber like seven of them i know a video on the 180 different types of discs 108 bizarre media formats yeah and these are the

videos you are watching you'll throw up like a documentary on the b-52s first construct yeah before you boot up a video on content which is like a MrBeast video I don't understand okay but that's a good point content for you just has a different dictionary definition in your head you brought this up with the uh I thought content meant

shit on YouTube I mean yeah the friends you met along the way everything could be content but I think uh content the way for like a content creator, like it's not the same. You're so in your fucking bubble world. Where you cut out Hasan

and you play with Valkyrae and you're late for the podcast because you got your cool friends and you're playing a scary game so the kiddos can fucking be like, oh, Ludwig. I want to go join Aiden over there. What's the coolest media cassette?

Aiden looks comfy over there. Okay, the coolest one, it's like a suitcase. What the fuck? And you open it and it's like there. What's the coolest media cassette? Aiden looks comfy over there. Okay, the coolest one, it's like a suitcase. What the fuck? And you open it, and it's like a giant cassette. Dude, I was at an estate sale this weekend, and I'd never been to one before. They're really sad, because you're just walking through a fucking graveyard. He just fucked up.

He texted me. He's like, I got a gift for you. And I'm like, oh my god, that's sick. And I said, where are you? He's like, oh, I'm coming home right now. I'm like, dope, dope, dope. I'm sitting in the garage working out, garage open because i'm so excited for nick to come home that i'm letting the sun not sure he does it all the time i'm so excited for the big garage door

no he does that still come give just every single time just give me something because all content is on youtube bald go on yes yes oh you do you do you do you do you do you do you do you do you do you do you do you hey hey you're doing great you're doing great over there I so on a man are you gonna be a gummy cam are arty I want an overlay over this cam that says gummy can be cam like in a baseball game. THC level, and it just like,

like mangoes breathalyzer. So he comes home, says he has a gift, and he comes up. It's actually a really sweet gift that I have to figure out what to do with. It's like a vintage Michelob Ultra sign. Yeah, it's like a, it's not a neon one.

It's like an actual like sign sign. It lights up though. And I'm like, where'd you get this? And he's like, oh, I went It lights up though. And I'm like, where'd you get this? And he's like, oh, I went to an estate sale. And I'm like, wait, someone died? He's like, yeah. I was handing him a dead man's treasure. You rifle through the dead's things.

The guy died maybe like what? In the past month? And then you went to his house, took his sign. I can expand on this. Let me finish the other thing first. This is a normal practice. It won't be relevant anymore. But it's on the media format thing. me me and uh dan are at an estate sale

and uh and there was a there was a yard fan there shout out to scott i think scott i think i got it scott everyone thinks you're cool and if you haven't joined the patreon they think you're a pussy uh and uh i'm walking by and i see this um on the ground. And there's what looks to me like a vinyl record with Arnold Schwarzenegger's picture on it. And I'm like, what is that? Is that a – is this like a soundtrack to like a movie? And Dan looks at me and he's like, no, this is a Laserdisc machine. And I'm like, what is that? And I learned about Laserdisc this weekend.

Do you know what that shit is? You guys don't know, do you? Boomer technology. disc this weekend yeah you know what that shit is you guys don't know do you boomer technology it the only reason I know and I'm a boomer but I only know because there's an episode of the Sopranos where he's like I love watching the Godfather on laser disc it's literally like a CD we're gonna sound so fucking young to some more of yours it's like a CD but it's like a vinyl size I think I've seen it goes in this big box and it plays movies yeah and it all the greatest this dead guy had so many of them.

He had like hundreds of laser discs. That means he had bread in that time. Well, the house was like 8,000 square feet. It was crazy. Why didn't you get it? Because I was just going through the movies and I'm like, are these real? I've never heard of any of them. I just couldn't pick one.

And also, it was just whatever. But the other house that I went to, that I got the Michelob Ultra sign from. So, it's my first estate sale ever. And I walk in, and this house has a room where the floor is blue carpet. It's inside, but there's a swimming pool. The house is not big. The house is, like, smaller than every other house we've lived in together. But it has an indoor swimming pool and a room with blue carpet how big is the pool like like almost normal size like it's like that's

insane it takes up like a huge portion that's insane and uh and i'm like this is the weirdest fucking house ever whatever i'm walking around and i see the michaelobes sign on the wall and i'm like i gotta have that shit and so i tell you i'm gonna kind of buy that and he sold this thing for pretty cheap and i keep walking and there's a door that has no handle and i'm like what is this and i'm looking at it i'm like feeling the wall and i'm like i'm like what is this and the guy goes yeah we don't really know and uh and he goes like you want to go in and i'm like yeah i really do and so they open the door somehow and the the carpet immediately turns into red as the door opens. All the carpet in this room is red.

And I walk in. The Black Lodge. And it's this room that has, like, this big oval table. And, like, it literally looks like a Freemason lounge. And I'm like, holy shit, this guy was in a cult. This guy was doing – he was having sex in the pool And he was in a cold Did you take a picture of it? For sure

No I didn't take a picture Dude that's insane This room had three things in it Red carpet A big oval table And a vault If you remember the address I'd love to look at that bitch on Zillow

You should buy that Don't buy the creepy No you should buy it What if we make that You have his sign So maybe check it for cameras Well you know what's crazy Is I was looking at

Some like house tour stuff Room tour stuff on YouTube. And the Trash Taste podcast, which is, like, a huge podcast, won two million views. I've never watched the show, but there's a lot of crossover. A lot of crossover. People who watch us and them. I think I have a good amount of weebs. And if you are even a slight weeb, like, there's a good chance you watch these guys.

Eren! What was that? That was Attack on Titan. What was that? That was Attack on Titan. What was that? It was... Shake my hand. If you're saying Eren, was it the little boy,

the blondie? We gotta finish... He did great. Yeah, we gotta finish Into the Abyss. Made in Abyss. Made in Abyss. So,

their podcast, their studio's insane. They have an actual studio space that they rent out and they go there and they made the podcast set in there they made a second podcast set in there they have an upstairs area that with just desks and they have like five employees yeah office space is cool but they don't have turf i know but it's crazy like they have a real ass shit we're in my attic yeah okay okay for one go fuck yourself because this is like the third time now that I have said to you, dude,

we should get a studio space. He was so against it. I'm so annoyed because now you're like, but I went to the streamers house and it was so poggy woggy. And now I want, now I want a big building and I want to be robbed. You know what changed? Yes.

What changed is we did the Patreon and now I'm fucking buying with my fucking page. You money breaded and wedded now. Yeah. I will say it. Someone on the dollar. what changed is we did the patreon and now i'm fucking buying with my fuck you paycheek money breaded and wedded now yeah i will say someone on the dollar five employees loaded yet someone on the subreddit was like oh the boys are fucking loaded now and i i was i like transparency and i was like we still owe uh technically ludwig like how much it costs to get this together yeah we spent a bunch of money making around 70 000 i'll just tell you there was a set design we had to build this out with construction this was an attic a lot of labor a lot of like you know like design stuff and it comes out to about 70k gear hiring people and uh so we have to pay that back first it but archie ends up forget pay me back or you're

fucked yeah so yeah uh anyway it just blew my mind that it it seems more like legit now yes that's what i'm saying that's why i was driving and i was thinking about what i was thinking about ludwig ludwig did not believe in this show a fucking little bit ludwig thought this show was gonna start we were gonna crash and fucking burn the whole time he was just like i didn't think you are a piece of shit. Going into this? I was like, Ludwig, check. Slime, check. Aiden, it'll do. Nick, we'll see. Look, I thought it would work. I'm just impressed.

I think you guys have done great. Shut the fuck up. You are doing great. Aiden hasn't said a word in 30 minutes. It's actually crazy. Don't say what like you have said something. He's so rosy. Ludwig, when is your bonus show coming? Oh, you want my own bonus show? It's actually crazy. Don't say what like you have said something. He's so rosy. What do you mean?

Ludwig, when is your bonus show coming? Oh, you want like my own bonus show? You can pick any one of us to be your duo, and you got to have a bonus show. What do you think? You can do it once a month. You don't have to do it every week like us. It depends. I don't know what it would be.

You have to think of it too. I'd have to think of a bonus show. Would you do one? Comment down below what you think his bonus show would be. If it was pretty quick, for context, we have a bonus show together, and we have a bonus show together right now. Yeah. I don't like watching movies. People like, I don't know. Joke.

I don't know what I would do. I make so much content that I couldn't think of content that I'm not currently creating. Don't do that. I'm just like always working, you know? It's that I don't have a day off, I guess. Yeah. That I can't think of. The ideas are all being used because I'm so efficient efficient and that's the thing about me and how i work

so you know what my first thought was it would it's terrible it's an hour of gameplay with no voiceover at all and i just upload it and that's my bonus show that's no i actually like that because it's like the opposite that's what i thought that's what i first thought i was like what do i never do and i was like game and that's it if your bonus show was playing a video game like you and whoever just playing a video game maybe you cyclists let's play but no voice it's like going through roosterteeth used to do this where it was like bernie and he was interviewing one of the employees of the company and just they'd play a two-hour game together like a co-op game was awesome. I watched a bunch of them. I'll think about it. The one I – I want to do a group bonus rather than a –

Like all four of us? Yeah. We're already doing that. Well, I would love to just start doing – Yeah, another one. Wait, what are we – we're already doing that? Yeah. The extra –

Once this is over in a couple minutes. No, no, no, no. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about a group bonus on Patreon. Like if you had a certain amount, like a goal. Because one of the things that I think is hype is uh is like going out and filming shit so you're talking about like a stretch goal yeah stretch goal to like he said group bonus oh my god why would we know why are you mad when you've made me eat weed you dumbass forcibly fed like sugar cubes to a

horse get your weed, buddy. But yeah, stretch goal for IRL content. Because that's the one thing that Trash Taste does that pops off. Me and Anthony have the most goaded stretch goal idea ever. Okay, say it. I forgot what it was. Are we announcing it? Yeah, announce it now.

Fuck it. Try it. We want to make a real skate video. Oh, yeah. Like a whole... We all have a part. It would look really beautiful. And we would do it for real. I would have to learn how to skateboard. Oh, yeah. Like a whole... We all have a part. It would look really beautiful.

And we would do it for real. I would have to learn how to skateboard. Oh, yes. Well, we'd actually get people who can skateboard as well. I think it should only be us in Bunth. Well, it's hard because like... It's all the homies. And, you know, maybe there's some Owen Wilson in there. Have you ever skateboarded?

Yeah. Okay. Can you ollie? All right. So that's like the starting... Boys, that was the yard. Thank you so much for watching Really appreciate it

We'll be back again next week But if you're a pagey Stick around Or go to the Patreon Because we've got a bonus episode Coming right now Coming to you hot And charged

In the morning Aiden you want to say something Before we go? Yeah do you want to say Anything at all? Tell them something about Jill Oh my god Alright everyone

See you later Bye Bye