The Yard - Ep. 70 - We tried to podcast with bald people... (ft. Caleb Pitts)

Episode Date: November 9, 2022

This week, the boys are joined by Caleb Pitts from Pod About List! The boys talk about being bald, going on tour, and how a man ate an entire Cessna 150.

Or did goat weed's real shit I heard? It's for real, yeah It's actually an effective, not bad thing to take I think all of that stuff is good by itself But stacking it, you end up having humongous, disgusting balls. What is the benefit besides having huge balls? I don't know. That's the only reason.

No, no, sorry, sorry. Why would you have to ask? Yeah. That's enough. Because you said it was good for you. What does it help except curing cancer? Yeah, exactly. It's not like an asshole.

It makes money? What do you want? It only does the most base thing you could possibly do. I took it for the balls. The balls are... It's funny to have big balls. Yeah. I'm friends with this really nice anti-vaxxer, and he showed me that.

And then also these meat pills that I was taking for a while. You're talking about Sony. You're talking about the beef heart? What do you mean a meat pill? It was like beef heart in lung, in pill form. Is it the liver king one?

No, it's not from him, but it's probably the one similar. I just got so excited. I would love to talk about liver

king. I DM'd him. The meat guy group chat is fucking popping off right now. They're getting some exposure.

Are we rolling? Oh, hey, welcome back to the yard everybody. Episode 69. No, it's not. It Episode 69. It's literally not. It's 70. 69 was last week. Wow, he would have fell for it. He doesn't know.

Oh, you're pranking him? Good one. It would have been more exciting than saying 70 doesn't do much. Sorry, episode 70. Take the hat off, Caleb. Okay, alright. Oh my god. It's such a good head.

It's such a good head. Don't look so I'm on your mind. It's such a good head. You're on your mind. Don't look so disgusted. He's shooting a thumbnail right now. We shared so many conversations. We've known each other for about three minutes. We've been three minutes ago, a little bit heaved up here like an animal.

Talking about how it isn't pee good anymore. He's got sand in his winter. You were completely out of breath. Dude. Okay, Dr. Dude Okay Dr. Evil Mini me Seth Green Mini me

We're the same size I am also mini In terms of the Angle here You look tiny I look tiny All the time I feel huge right now

You are huge And great And base This is Caleb guys Caleb's on a podcast Called Pod About List That has been around For how long Like two years Two years has been around for 69 episodes yeah fuck you guys

it's funny cuz 500 million dollars a month on patreon I hope you guys are having a lot of fun up here in the Attic we have a little bit of a good time yeah it seems fun I look at I listened I've listened like two episodes total but I've been a big fan of Caleb's Twitter for a long time. I actually messaged you a long time ago and just told you I thought your Twitter was really funny. I remember that. Yeah.

Isn't that funny? Yeah, that is funny. And here we are. You dressed up. You got, um. I got my athletic pants and my gamer socks. Thank you so much for that. Looking good.

You know, I'll do it all for you. I'm in my PJs. I feel like an asshole. I should have dressed up more. I obviously dressed up. I have my clogs on. Yeah, you an asshole. I should have dressed up more. I obviously dressed up. I have my clogs on. Yeah, you got the Pocahontas for us. These are huge on the East Coast.

Dude, you're feeling tiny. Okay, so we'll never be showing those again. Thank you so much. Tiny feet, but huge balls. Huge balls. I do have huge balls. Zipper, did we catch that when he was describing how much supplements he's taking for his balls in his mind?

We did. Got that. Good. Do you think... Because I definitely wanted that big balls. We just cut the pod now. I measured my balls. That's public for me too. Do your guys' four balls weigh more than our six? Probably. My balls got

public. I did see that, yeah. I did a little cursory research kind of stuff and I saw that your balls were out. Did you see them? I've seen see that. Yeah. I did a little cursory research kind of stuff. And I saw that you, your balls were out. Did you see them? I saw, I've seen your balls. Yeah.

Were you not going to tell me? Well, I mean, everybody's seen your balls at this point, right? True. Isn't it kind of, you were kind of,

some people were classy, Caleb. Some people saw my balls were leaked and they thought, no, I knew you for three minutes. Hey, nice to meet you, Caleb.

I saw your balls. You wanted that fast? Maybe in the first five. I was thinking maybe we'd have a couple of drinks. This is a great icebreaker. I've been meaning to you, Caleb. I saw your balls. You wanted them that fast? Maybe in the first five? I was thinking maybe we'd have a couple drinks. That's a great icebreaker. I've been meaning to tell you. I've seen your balls. I wanted to see them organically,

you know? I don't want to tell you I've seen them before. Yeah, it's kind of, you know, you didn't, they are big in person. They're like eggs.

So you guys have seen them before? A lot. Yeah. You should just whip them out. We used to brain each other playing Mafia for fun. Have you played Mafia before? The card game? Where you do like, yeah. I guess, yeah. yeah he used to just whip them out we used to brain each other playing mafia for fun have you played mafia before the card game uh or you do like yeah i guess yeah yeah it's like uh he used

to he used to um take his balls out in the nighttime so whenever like the the doctor woke up they would they would be seeing his balls and they'd laugh he would know who he would or the cop he would know who's who so it became a battle of fortitude to know that you're going to see some someone's balls in a compromising because he'd be like he'd get custom with it and like do like the peace sign with your balls i would open it like the eye of sauron the in-between area of the balls it's like it's like in grade school when you're like trying to make a vagina to look at but it's just him with his own ball sack i'd make him clack like those chinese balls that you can get. Dong, dong, dong.

I think I probably could. Also, I think the reason why I was like, I need to have bigger balls is because I have so much excess ball skin. There's so much room in there. You felt like God was like, hey, we need to fill this up. Yeah, it was like, you haven't grown into your wisdom balls yet. Yeah, I was like, when are they going to get, when am I

going to get the adult balls? I'll get the ones that are the right size for my ball sack. That's what they put under the pillow for the balls fairy. Yeah. You got to collect like a hundred skulltulas. So what do you do with your ball skin? Um. What?

What do you, like. Do you like me? No, that's not. You're selling pills. You just missed the whole conversation. It's selling excess balls. He doesn't do anything because it's filled out now. It's fucking, uh, what is it?

The Leonardo DiCaprio movie where he's eaten by the bear? The Revenant. And at the beginning it's like it's the pelts, but it's just Caleb's ball skin. Like, save the ball skin! I have a hat made out of my own balls. Sitting in a wood cabin. Welcome, oh, we're back to our roots at the yard. We had a crisis where we were like, you know what, are we...

You guys have a sauna and start talking politics or something and then you know you gotta come back? It's more like, are we one note? You know what I'm saying? Do we just really only go back to the dick and the balls and the poop and the butthole? And then. Wait, sorry. So this proves that that's not what we're doing? No, no.

It's proving that we know our roots. So it's okay to be one note? I don't know. We're proving what everyone already thought about us? Mm. That's good. Then you're settling in. He didn't think about this. We're digging the hole as we speak.

Basically, yes. We are. It's a stellar return to form. I mean, what do you want to be? You want to be known for doing like boring shit or ball stuff, but you'd rather be ball stuff. I mean, that's what I'm saying. But then there's this idea that we're, you know, do we exclude a certain demographic

of people that don't want to hear about balls? Who doesn't want to hear about balls? Well, who are these imaginary people you're talking about? I'm truly making up a person. You're right. Somebody's like, oh, I hate balls. What's up? What do you got?

Oh, duck on there. What happened? I thought you were going to pull a quarter out. There was a big... I honestly thought you were going to unravel my whole body. I thought you came with magic tricks your head is so good I'm so glad you got a good head thank you sorry were you gonna say oh he's about to live out a whole David Blaine piece in a couple weeks do you have you heard about this oh do I didn't even even I even know about this yeah he just does shit with

your breath or something yeah Yeah I'm trapping myself In a glass box For 50 hours In the middle of the Atlanta Dreamhack convention And then people Can donate To make me do

Punishments I'm so scared Of YouTubers man I really am I was Dude When you said That I was flying

Into the airport I didn't know That was a real airport I thought I was gonna land In like a fake Mr. Beast warehouse and I was going to get executed or something. We killed a bald moron.

You guys just come up with the craziest shit. I'm so terrified. Well, yeah, but like you just have to think of it from the perspective of a title and thumbnail. Yeah, I guess I need to switch my brain to that. What do you create? What makes your ears turn a little little what makes your balls big uh pictures of my balls okay yeah i have a whole category on my iphone cyclical 2000 deep at this point yeah yeah so i progress

gears wires elements is all the things i'm kind of into all that kind of stuff materials i do love materials bone sand wait you met Nick. Nick went... How'd you guys link up? I went to their show. He came to our show in Seattle and jump-scared me afterwards where I had no idea you were coming. And then you were like, hey, what's up? And I was like, ahhh! That didn't happen

at all. He's lying. It did scare me. I didn't know you were coming. I told you I was coming. You DM'd the podcast account. I assume you get that information no no my producer messaged me and he like after the show he's like oh yeah are you the ludwig of your show what does that mean like uh if i were if i were handsome handsome one yes yeah uh huge balls and if i were to dm i do a big yeah of course so we're yeah if i were to dm the main account you would never see that um i don't think i know the password to that.

I'm more technologically illiterate. I think the true link between us is that Jubio, who's their producer, watches our show. Oh, cool. He loves the show. I think that's the truth. Yeah, that's so nice.

I get so self-conscious because podcasts like you guys and the way your guys' humor operates, especially on twitter because that's what i'm most exposed i get really self-conscious i'm like are we just fucking preschool play school baby baby little bears and these guys are like actually funny and i'm constantly comparing myself to your guys's vibe isn't that it's kind of weird right um it is kind of weird did you shave your head after you listen to the podcast or was that like it was during covid and i turned 30 and i'm like it's been a good run oh and you just

yeah could you could you grow hair if you wanted to oh fuck no dude i went when we were on tour i started growing my hair out and i immediately looked like i sold shawarma like it was like it was literally two weeks and i was the kebab man and what it what happened along your way did you start noticing it at a young age and you were What happened along your way? Did you start noticing it at a young age and you were like, shit, this kind of sucks. I didn't start noticing it, but everybody else started noticing it. What are you guys all

looking at all the time? Yeah, exactly. My eyes are down here. I saw someone put your picture on a bald guy subreddit as a joke and they were actually just being really nice to it. Dude, that is the funniest thread I've ever seen. Like, trying to shave my head for the first time. What do you guys think?

And it looked really nice. Everyone's very sweet, you know? They said I was good looking. It was very nice of them. Much like you said I had a good head shape. It does. You look a lot. When you start balding, you start noticing everything crumbling around you in terms of

your friends that maybe dye their hair, that maybe sit to the right of you a couple people down and you understand like man he's got two years left yeah and you're like bad head that's also gonna suck right what'd you give him three years i would say you're a norwood two right now not bad he's probably uh probably a four i'm probably a five it's a three three. Yeah, what's up? Well, I can't hear you. Just having my psyche crumble, thinking about my hair being lost. We have a guest, so that's rude. And my age getting away from me.

How old are you? I'm 25. Oof. Why, oof? That was the most pre-jacked oof I've ever heard. I had that locked and loaded. You were going to say that regardless of the number. That was a normal reaction to what you told me. I gathered the information question. I had that locked and loaded. You were going to say that regardless of the dubber. That was a normal reaction

to what you told me. I gathered the information. You had that fully locked and loaded. Got the info. Oof like, oh, Caleb, you're so young. You have so much ahead of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, 100%. It was a self oof. It was a mirror back on yourself. Because I'm 26. And you've done basically nothing in this world. Have you ever had like a, like a thought in your head

that just constantly comes back over years? Like, like, like you have it when you're 15 and you're 20. You still have a random Like a thought in your head that just constantly Comes back over years Like you have it when you're 15 and you're 20 You still have a random thought that pops in your brain Yeah her name's Anastasia Blue You like that one? Nice You've created one in my head

What's that? I sent it to Zipper Zipper can you pull up the image I sent you? Will I be able to see this? Yeah it'll be on the screen right there It'll also be behind you, which is a little scary. But I saw this image of you.

Okay. And I haven't been able to forget it. This is the photo? This is the fucking photo? I think about this all the time. There's so many dope ass pics of me in just fire fits. That's a shirt my mom gave me.

Thank you, Cynthia, if you're watching. It says What doesn't kill you Makes you stronger Except for bears Bears kill you And she handed that to me

And she like Couldn't even contain How much she was laughing at it Nice And I was like Alright I'm gonna put this on It's better than your mom Getting you like

An Iron Man shirt Can you pull that up again Where is it It's photoshopped You a fellow sun devil What is a sun I don't know what that is Fork him devils Fork him Oh no I don't know what that is work in Devils work them

Oh, no, I think this is the shot is the shocker It's a wide shocker. This is this is not a show doing to women I totally thought you were at like a fucking aquarium or something. Man, you would not fare well online. That was the first. You're falling for those. You put blue on me in an aquarium. Yeah. That was the first.

You're acting like it's so crazy I would be in an aquarium. Wait, you were in a fucking aquarium. No, I was excited. No, I was actually, I think I was at a, I think I was doing a paranormal investigation at the time of that. Oh, yeah. Talk about that a, I think I was doing a paranormal investigation at the time of that. Oh, yeah. Talk about that. Because you guys just did like a paranormal investigation.

Yeah, we flew down to North Carolina with my uncle, Matthew DeVita. He's a paranormal investigator. Oh, he's your uncle? He's my uncle, yeah. What? Holy shit. Like his normal job? I don't think he gets paid for it, but he does it a lot.

I think he does IT as a job. But he had us come down there and we did an investigation at a place called the museum of the bazaar which is like a um it's like five dollars and you go in and they have like a statue of jason and stuff oh shit it was actually super haunted well how do you find what were your findings we found there was a doll that moved like this it was hanging from the ceiling. It went. And there was noise.

It was raining outside, and we heard a bunch of stuff on the ceiling, and I think it was probably footsteps from a ghost. Were you scared? Honestly, we landed in Myrtle Beach, and I was like, I almost said, like, we can't do this, because I got so scared about a ghost following me back to New York And ruining my life And then while we were actually doing the investigation. I was so scared like I was terrified

I don't know if it came through on the video, but then as soon as we were done. I was like yeah ghosts aren't even real It's scary probably all your seeming it's definitely the ashwagandha and the tangata that is building up so much cum in my body that it starts entering weird parts of my brain. That's the only spirit in you right now. There is a full sheet ghost worth of nut in my body. Are you retaining? No.

I don't have an option. It comes out every day whether I want to or not. At this point, yeah. Dude, he's married. What? Can I say that? Yeah, yeah. That's fine. That's crazy.

Yeah. Love of your life? Love of my life. No ring. Whoa. No ring. No ring. Is that because you're trying to-

She never got, she hasn't got me one. What? Yeah, no, based. A little courthouse thing. Nothing too crazy. Oh, okay. Yeah. You know, you can get married in Denny's.

Really? You can get married wherever you want, right? You can get married Wherever you want right? Well there's like a Like a Denny's in Vegas That has like the Like the altar or whatever And everything set up for marriage That's kind of hype

Taco Bell Cantina has that Base full of pancakes 15k You get the pancake puppies Put the ring inside It's 15 grand To get married in Taco Bell? Yeah I think so

What? That's not that bad I don't know about drinks though Oh so they like It's like a venue for the Yeah Okay It's not like you're doing it in the corner.

$15,000 for a wedding, not bad here. That's not bad at all, no. And you get the Taco Bell branding. If you're marketing your wedding. You could flip that into something. If you live streamed your wedding, you could probably. Why wouldn't you? This is why you're a pro.

You're thinking about even your wedding could be maybe an advertising opportunity. You're talking about an opportunity for content. You're like, me for 50 hours in a box, that's weird. then you're like yeah i went down to myrtle beach and hunted ghosts but the difference is nobody's gonna watch that video pretty cool so it's just for you did nick content pill you a little bit yeah he did i we we went out for drinks after the seattle show and i was just it was like our last show the tour and i was just like getting drunk he's sipping a ice water telling me about like analytics for YouTube videos and I was like oh yeah okay woke up the next day I was like he's a genius he's a complete genius yeah he talked he was telling me he's like dude that conversation changed my outlook and I'm like thinking back

to the stuff I said and I think at one point I was just like yeah Mr. Beast is like pretty big I don't think I ever said anything impactful. By the way, North Carolina, raise your shirt up. That's my boy, Mr. Beast. Is that the thing? Raise your shirt up? Raise your shirt up, Petey Pablo. Are these people?

Are you making this up? I'm raving right now. But if anyone's from North Carolina, I'll meet you. Yeah, and when the sun hits the ground and the moon, it talks to your mom. So you are from North Carolina. Punch me in the dick, I spit back cum. But Mr. Beast puts on pretty hard for NC, so that's that's my guy he does yeah yeah i feel like grossly i wonder how many kids are paying off tuition by being in videos at ecu it's walking around i mean it's

like walking around north carolina now has become like some fucking rpg where you think like playing runescape you think there's going to be like a random event where Mr. Beast hands you $50,000 in a briefcase. It's like the elf and he's like, you want a ruby? Yeah. And you're like, oh, yeah. When we were there filming with him, we were driving and there was just like a random person with like a Mr. Beast bumper sticker. Yeah. And I'm like, that's influence. Yeah, he owns this town.

You're basically just hoping to get pulled over by Chandler and be like, hey, you want to be in a video? I'm pretty excited to see in 10 years from now him just fully become like Jigsaw and have people with like fucking contraptions on their head. I think he's like 10 years away from me betting Monero on like which guy in the room he shoots. Yeah, definitely.

The Mr. Beast Red Room. Yeah. It's coming. He's bringing it back. Sponsored by Mr. Beast Philanthropy. You told me this story where there's this guy from Dubai who flew to North Carolina, went to Greenville, and he's like, hey, I'm here for Mr. Beast. And he hired a private investigator, the guy from Dubai, to find Mr. Beast. But Mr. Beast has connections with all the PIs in North Carolina. So they just call him.

They're like, hey, this guy wants to find you. How often are people trying to find him if he already knows all the PIs? I think enough when you're that big. Enough that if you go on YouTube and you're like, I put $4 million in a road in front of my warehouse.

Everyone's like, hey, we ought to find that road maybe. Also, how many PIs are in North Carolina? Maybe he just knows three guys. That's true. Yeah. Maybe not that many. It's just Greg and the boys. But when you have a warehouse the size of an airport, isn't it pretty easy to find you?

Yeah, I think so. So they wanted to find exactly where he was staying. But his security stopped the guy from Dubai, like at the town. Oh, my God. They like they entrapped him. What was this? They're like, what are you here for and the guy was like I? Want to give a list of video ideas to mr. Beast

Buy it they raid his hotel room they look everywhere up and down try to find what he's actually there for Turns out it was just to give him the list Wow he went right back to Dubai whoa get the list Yeah, you got the list. I have email in Dubai Is that I got that yeah that that is the what they made that for list? Yeah, he got the list. Do they not have email in Dubai? That is what they made that for, right? Yeah, it's like... So you actually got that shit way faster. I get it. It's like handing your mixtape to like Jay-Z.

Yeah, he's basically the riffraff of Dubai. No, he just didn't know what email was. They do explain it. So it's electronic. He's like, no bird. You're saying that this shit just goes right to his eyes. Because it's at five. They all die. bird. You're saying that this shit just goes right to his eyes. Because it's at five.

They all die. Yeah. And then I asked Mr. Beast. I was like, were the videos good? And he's like, nah. I was like, what the hell? Dude, you go all the way there from Dubai. You get through the crowd.

Like, here are my ideas. He's like, these are bad. It's just a squid game. Number one, eat a tire. That would be a good idea. That is a good idea. Thank you. Wait, that's a big halo. Yes. Have you been pitching that to Mr. Beast Number one, eat a tire. That would be a good idea. That is a good idea. Thank you. That's a good idea. Have you been pitching that to Mr. Beast?

Yeah, for a while. That was our dream before we had him on. We pitched that Mr. Beast eat a tire. How fast could he eat it? It'd take a year to eat a tire. Not if a million dollars are on the line. What size tire? There are so many questions.

There are so many questions, right? And you can answer them in the video. You can only answer them one way. And you make the video. I do see things pretty, like pieces of construction equipment, and I'm like, how long would it take me to eat that? Like a big piece of wood or like a concrete block. Like realistically, how long does it take you to eat something like that?

There was a guy, it was like Ripley's Believe It or Not way back when it used to air on like primetime television, and it was a guy who ate a plane. Wait, what? Yeah, Zipper, can you look this up? I guess we're just lying now. and it was a guy who ate a plane look this up i think it was ripley's believer and the guy just ate a whole plane by like like grinding all the pieces down and he would just like slowly eat all the metal shavings and he had like a shoonai stomach so he could just handle it and he ate a plane yeah my dad works at nintendo yeah i'm gonna get your microsoft account banned in five minutes i'm telling you the truth that guy that guy is like the grounds

the grounds guy at seattle airport who who hijacked the alaska airlines plane they're just seeking freedom but in like two totally different ways but both involving a plane you're taking back what's theirs yeah you hear about hear about that? The guy stole a plane, did some barrel rolls and the pilots chasing him were like, fuck man, he is pretty goaded. And then he killed himself. He killed himself?

Yeah. After being, he was? Yeah, he did goaded barrel rolls. The pilots were like, damn, this guy really does have it all.

And then he flew into the water and died. The whole thing is, the whole thing is like the last dance if Michael Jordan shot himself after last night

We're not the best of all time though Caleb was talking about on the way right we got to the airport within five minutes We got into what it would be like to be in the magic school bus and shoot ice his stomach? Oh yeah. There's so many also like I wouldn't even know which orifice to enter through. I'd be so excited for any of them. Miss Frizzle brings you to a mansion. Kids you all get your own room. It's like the Simpsons episode where Lisa like it's the tooth society

it's just like a whole society of human beings inside of his stomach because he'd eaten so many metal and materials. But like every single part of it could be its own. It'd be like a whole society of human beings Inside of his stomach Because he'd eaten so many metal and materials But like every single part of it Could be its own kind It'd be like the Smithsonian There'd be all these different kind of museums You got Chinatown

You could go through the air He got the whole block with only Greek restaurants Yeah There it is Alright this picture doesn't prove much I'm gonna say that. Also, the plane's behind him still. He bore the two pounds of metal per day.

The metal was broken to small pieces. I fucking told you. I told you. He vomited it and reassembled it. Wait, wait, wait. He died shortly after his 57th birthday of natural causes. What? You don't die at 57 from natural causes.

Dude, not soon enough. Reportedly unnatural. Man who ate the plane died of natural causes. He knew too much. Yeah, I think the two pounds of metal did too much. He's also a pussy because that's just a Cessna.

It's just a Cessna, right? You didn't eat a plane. You ate two pounds of metal then. Come on. He's not a pussy for eating a Cessna. Give me a triple seven. I'm fucking... I'm eating a donut from GTA 3.

Lib's now calling that a Beyond Burger. Fucking crazy. That's right. Imagine how much seed oil is in that airplane. Oh, you want to eat a plane and get titties. That's what you want. He didn't sun his taint enough, so he died real early. I just found out about charging.

Charging? You just found out about this? We've talked about charging. Look, here's all the shitty 18 bikes, shopping carts. We can't see the rest because the board's in the way. Could have been any of this, then. Seven TV sets, two beds. Two beds?

Okay. And one Cessna 150 light aircraft. It's like, can someone help me budget my groceries? I don't know where I'm losing money. Yeah, that's my goat. Sorry. Why even put the computer on that list? If you're eating an airplane. Because you're not going to not eat. You're not Sorry. Why even put the computer on that list? You're going to eat an airplane.

Because you're not going to not eat. You're not going to just brush off the computer. Like, you still put it down. Humble beginnings. It's like computer plane two Del Taco burgers. It's like Del Taco burgers? It's six eggs. That's a lot of calories.

You still talk about Michael Jordan being a tar heel, you know? I do, at least. Yeah, Shoenice would have a fucked up stomach, bro. I mean, he's still alive, which is cool, but when he goes down, people are going to be posting their favorite fucking... I honestly want to see his balls. They're going to open them up and be like, this is what we're doing to our oceans.

It's going to be him turned out with buttons and strings in there. There's a duck in there covered in oil I hope like alien like when the world is over they do like a stool sample on him like they did with like dinosaurs what the fuck is wrong with these people

he has CTE in his stomach if we find a dinosaur like the shoenice of dinosaurs that's like infinite oil Yeah dude Like there had to be a fucked up Like Tyrannosaurus That was like boys

Yeah Check this out And he ate rocks And they were like That's fucking crazy Dude Oh yeah the metal guy The what?

If you just bury the metal guy The guy with the airplane Yeah Come back in two million years Yeah That's just gonna be Unlimited oil reserves Dude when we were in Australia

Do you know The cold ones guys? Uh yeah So we were asked you know um the cold ones guys uh yeah so so we were in australia and uh and that's them that's not okay yeah we're in australia and uh chad knocked over a beer bottle and it shattered on like the ground this like outdoor eating area we're at and every australian and within the vicinity at the same time started chanting if you break it you must eat it all the same time so it's like a thing i didn't make it up on this this is the evolution of if you uh if you pour it no if you spill it you must spill it you must snort it yeah which is more reasonable sending people to a prison island no indirectly yeah yeah chad's like well they're chanting it and he starts eating

glass yeah and this is the closest we have to This guy This is like our closest thing We have to make one of our own We could probably make Chad eat like a Like a small prop plane He's peer pressureable for sure Well everyone is

Dude he DM'd me like two days ago and he's like give me the yard logo I need to do something He's just licking the something he owes us a tattoo yeah he's got a tattoo on his ass because your balls no he owed me on the on the day of the shoot he said take this shot of alcohol and i'll get a tattoo of the yard of my ass that easy well i threw up it was it was 80 i'll make throw up if you get a tattoo of my balls. I guess that's better. He's on his back like a portrait.

They're so big. $4,000 back piece of my balls. Actual size. Yeah. His ass is like college girls' MacBooks. Yeah, just littered. Mine's kind of similar. Yeah.

Your ass? Yeah, I have a bunch of shitty tattoos on my ass. Really? Yeah, I have like a bunch of shitty tattoos. Really? Yeah, a couple of them, yeah. Could we see it? No, because I went to pack my bag this morning. No clean underwear, so I'm fully commando. Dude, really?

Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Nice. That brings me to a question. I mean, you can probably. Come on. Hard to fit them in there.

Come on. You guys are kind of the same. You kind of have all the elements of us Bald Huge balls Yes Have you guys heard of Hamburger all season?

25 25 25 Yeah Hat Hat You guys heard of We're going hamburger all season yet?

You ever heard about that yet? No What? It's the guy who's like Boys We're taking our penis We're putting it between our balls Turning it sideways And we're going hamburger penis, we're putting it between our balls,

turning it sideways, and we're going hamburger style all season. People are doing incredible things. It is an exciting fucking time. TikTok has truly changed the landscape of what we're able to do now. We look fucking cool. I look dope as shit right now, even though I got the two-piece on. Do you think I am the coolest because I have two pairs of shady rays on? You can't cover up your head with a pair of sunglasses. Yeah, man.

It doesn't cover the whole thing. I can clearly see that you're still sick. You're trying to cover your hairline. I feel like you're coping. What's up? Okay, now he's cool. Hey, guys. If you think we look cool, you can join us by getting Shady Rays.

You're all essential outdoor sunglasses. They got super hot fit styles that perform well i will say a lot of it if you can't be the one who can't read and then read yeah you have to decide all i've been saying is that you can get shady rays without the bands necessary because it's cheap and affordable as opposed to some other big brand price tag the other brands are certainly pretty expensive and shady rays Rays is much more affordable. In addition, if you lose or break your pair,

even on day dot, day one, day zip, day zot, they will send you a brand new pair, which is kind of cool. So if you get your Shady Rays

and you go to school and you say, hey everyone, I'm wearing my Shady Rays and then the bullies break them and they go, nerd, pussy loser. Which you probably deserve.

Which you probably deserve because you're- Which wouldn't happen because you have Shady Rays. Because you look cool as shit, but let's just say hypothetically in a silly world, they do that. They replace them day one for free. And you you have shady rays because you look cool as shit but let's just say hypothetically in a silly world they do that they replace them they won for free and you would have deserved it in the hypothetical world as well but i do want

to be clear bullies respect shady rays you won't be bullied they won't protect you from bullying that is true that's probably the biggest look and you get to act philanthropic because they feed 10 people they get 10 out 10 out 10 meals with every order of Shady Rays. With every pair, you have to make 10 meals to get it. Yeah. They've done over 20 million meals a day, which is actually kind of crazy because you don't need to do that. You can exchange, return. You don't need to do that. It's a nice thing.

As a company, you don't need to feed people. Yeah, you can just sell the sunglasses. But they're doing it, which is kind of cool. I know what you're thinking. They don't feed them sunglasses. They give them food. What? Yeah. That's even better. It's bass as fuck.

They should feed them sunglasses. Go to ShadyRays.com, use code THEYARD, and you get 50% off two or more pairs of polarized sunglasses. These are polarized right fucking now. I can feel it. Wait, wait, wait. 50% off two pair? Plus?

Use the code THEYARD, and you can get what Ludwig is making weird sounds about right now. Look, and the shades are rated five stars by over 200,000 people. use the code the yard and you can get what ludwig is making weird sounds about right now look and the shades are rated five stars by over 200 000 people that's more people who have rated five stars on our show you're listening to right now so it's better than our show measurably that's actually well unfortunately true that's hurtful though we should i this is how i kind of want to bring this up like go kind of so caleb by shady rays tell us again why you're cringe i'm excited for the future and i mean, between Greta Thunberg And that kid, I mean, good for these people

Dude, you guys hear about a You hear about this? Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? What? The monkey that ripped the person's face off They told me about this Oh, you're pretending like this is a news story This happened 15 years ago I know, but I'm saying they don't know about this

Oh, Travis the Chimp? You never heard of Travis the Chimp? No. I think I have heard of this. Travis the Chimp, he was a chimp who they gave him a Xanax and a tea, and he was all chill until a woman named Sharla Nash touched, I think it's stuffed teddy bear, and then he ripped her face off in her hands. Yeah. And then she got a free pass to go on Oprah for 10 years.

Oh my God. Did she look all crazy looking? No, she's hot. She is hot. Yeah, no, her face is all messed years. Oh my God. Did she look all crazy looking? No, she's hot. She is hot. Yeah, no, her face is all messed up. Oh my God, that's so terrible. And no hands too. Yeah.

Yeah. He was so excited. Caleb was talking about it. Yeah, because it's hilarious. And Caleb was talking about how bad he wants to meet a monkey. And I can't say why, but we're going to meet a monkey soon.

Yeah. And I was like, you're just like slime. You're a monkey guy, like a frog girl. And I was saying that like that's kind of just the price You that should be the price of meeting a monkey It would be an honor to have anything that's why I'm trying to get my balls so big before I meet the monkey because hopefully He rips him off puts him in his mouth

Respects me. He thinks there's apples. Yeah, They made a movie about this. The monkeys win, right? The monkeys win every time. I thought you were talking about Nope. This is like a whole subplot. Nope. Oh. No. Wait for the apes. Oh, yeah.

No, I figured that out. I figured that out. Thank you. Monkeys beat the humans. Yeah. Yeah, I think the thing in Nope is directly based off the... Yeah. They like modeled the lady's face seemingly after that although maybe

there's only one way you end up after a chimp rips it off yeah it's like manga japanese monkeys well you you are so because you're an american boy born and raised yes in this country don't forget enemy of the state yeah actual enemy of the state lovely Yeah, actual enemy of the state. Lovely hasn't heard about this yet. Can you tell us about how it's hard for you to fly on planes? Oh, yeah. I loved it. This is probably every single podcast I've ever been on, I do have to tell this story at some point. But it's not even really a story.

I just got in trouble with the Secret Service, and now literally every time I hand them my ID and they put it in the scanner, it goes, and I was saying half the time they put it in the scanner it goes And I was saying half the time they take me goes check pants for two melons But then the other half the time that the thing ring the alarm goes and and they go like, wow, I've never seen that do that before. And they just let me through. Well, you're skipping the story part.

No, that's mostly the story. I got in trouble because I made a I made a bunch of videos, but one of them I said I was going to kill Joe Biden. And that's the point of it. Wow. Back when he was vice? No, it was when he was running. I said it. Interesting.

Yeah. And I did it. Just like a covid mentality thing i mean i was staying at my then girlfriend's uh parents house in the backyard in a shed because we didn't know if covid could spread through eye contact so i just like was stuck back there and i just made a bunch of uh videos that were not very good for my health you started you started plotting you have to admit it's a bad look for a bald 20-year-old white guy

making videos in his shed. The evidence is kind of... Are you friends with Paul Pelosi? What's going on there? Close friends, yeah. I was at his house

the other day, actually. That's great, that's great. No, that was actually a false flag, so... We're chiefing that kind. So when this happens, you like... They take it seriously

Yeah I got a call From the Boston Secret Service And the guy's name Was fucking Agent Kennedy He was like This is Agent Kennedy Looking for Caleb Pitts And I was like

Yeah yeah it's me Because I used to live in Boston What the fuck are you doing? Real funny Julia Yeah he was like So what are you He did literally He was like

So why are you doing this? I was like I thought it was a funny video he was like well just so you know if it wasn't covet right now we'd be knocking down your fucking door and confiscating your computer and i was like okay and then they had to interview my brother they oh they also asked me i was playing doom 2016 at the like while i was on the phone with them i just had them on speaker and the guy's asking me he's like doing this whole interview thing asking me what my life story was like if I've ever bought a gun before and he's like and have you ever had any interest in violent video games and I was like

no sir just getting f and ripping off people's heads interview my whole family and um they still annoy me every once in a while but do you regret it? Was it more trouble than it's worth? Or is it like... I regret almost everything. I regret everything. I should have been a journalist or something. I did that. You did? Yeah, it worked out. Yeah, I could see that.

It's a good path. I mean, obviously I've never been... I am on edge the entire time I'm here because I do feel like somebody's going to jump through the fucking ceiling. Yeah, it's Joe. Yeah. Joe's our boy. Yeah, you're just afraid of YouTubers, which I think is a healthy fear.

Because they're all rotted. It's a natural fear. In your brain. I mean, everything is like a prank video to you guys. I really was like, they're probably going to kidnap me or something. You thought so? I mean, I don't know you guys. You know what you're not considering?

What? So much work. That's true. Caleb, your face don't know you guys. You know you're not considering? What? So much work. That's true. Caleb, your face wouldn't do that well on a thumbnail. No offense. Well, people would think that I may be him, though. He wouldn't do well on a thumbnail. Yeah, I was thinking so.

Oh, okay. No, that's not true. That's not true. He performs. He's our best thumbnail performer, isn't he? Is that true? All the slime is. A lot of it is, but he's second.

I'm saying I'm a normie. Here's the thing. The three of us are essentially saying I'm a normie. Here's the thing. The three of us are essentially normies compared to a YouTuber. He's the YouTuber. He's the one with the ancient brain, like DNA code. They're part of my pimple I have a patch on right now. It's all fucked up. My wife wears those.

Don't say that. That's true. You and his wife are the same, and you're both beautiful. Huge balls thing on the middle of the head. Don't you ever call my wife beautiful. Thank you. I didn't mean it. Thank you. You're cool with the balls thing on the head don't you ever call my wife beautiful thank you I didn't mean it thank you you're cool the balls thing though she's homely and that's that she's a six let's leave it at that thank you so where you live now you live in the big Apple huh yeah barely I live in Queens is that not it I don't know the culture that's just way out there borough yeah do you

like brooklyn i love it i love it yeah yeah yeah i live in a like a polish neighborhood so there's like 15 coffee shops in two blocks and they all drink coffee this big what's your what's your goals man what do you want to do what kind of fucking podcast is this i'm just interested in you me yeah you sorry where'd you get your skull hat? Also a valid question. You can answer it in an antique shop in Cayucos, California. As far as life goals, I'd like to go to Turkey with you and we could get the surgery done. That'd be nice. I haven't been thinking about that a lot, just because it's cheap. It's pretty cheap to go to. It's like $5,000 to get a turkey. You go to Turkey, you're hungry. And you go, but like, I think it's, I've been, I was at a poker room and I saw this guy with

like the most dog shit transplant. And you're like, bro, you got it. This is bad. Yeah. I think the thing is that you can't, you can't hide it from people, you know? That you got it? You come back, you have the fucked up The things popping out of your head Everything's red

You have like a year of looking Fucking weird You guys are gonna live a life of looking weird if you don't do it Okay Yeah I think that's mean I also think that I have to be on this show every week

I might get adult braces soon So it's like I have to be on this show every week. I might get adult braces soon. Really? I have to fucking just hold that. You should get adult braces. Because I have this underbite problem that's fucking with my teeth and grinding them down and my gums. And I have to get jaw surgery and stumb braces.

Just kill yourself. That's what I'm saying. Why are you even trying? You have an underbite? What are you doing? Finally! Why don't you guys just be straight up with me like Caleb is doing right now? A fish with all those problems in the wild dies.

They die. They do not make it. God doesn't want you here. That's right. Yeah, you need to go. I just figure if I tell you to do it, you wouldn't do it. I'm trying to get you there. You know what I mean?

Yeah, you're trying to just make me realize that I'm wrong. I'm trying to lead you to that conclusion on your own. I want you gone. If you have a fucked up surgery, but you still shave bald, it would look still better, no? Because you just have like a- Joe Rogan has transplant scars. He's had like four of them. Dude, get the transplant, shave your head anyways, and then be a cool scar guy.

Yeah, he had a bunch of them. You can be a cool scar guy. He had one when he was like 20-something, and then one 10 years later, and then he just gave up bald. And it just didn't work? Because it keeps- It doesn't stop your hair from falling out. You need to take fin

to keep your what you have stabilize your hair loss get the surgery and then do a bunch of shit for one month and i i cried every day i was like what the hell's happening my fingernails started getting like all fucked up looking yeah i got i got scared i was like i don't want to do this like i'll grow boobs and i'll be emotional like i don't want to do it not how he said it's that's how it is it is how it is those things sound tight i didn't grow boobs no but i i'm in high t well one time we uh we ate like a chicken possible burger no no we it wasn't it was a vegetarian place in san francisco and we had this like vegetarian chicken and i ate it and then two hours later i was like getting outside the great clips getting a haircut

when I had hair and I was just like thinking about my friend that wasn't here in the country anymore and just being really sad and like missing him. An emotional awakening. And he was emotional. No I fucking lied to him and I said oh it's the chicken. It's like filled with estrogen and it makes you emotional. And I was like no

way it did that to me. So if I ever want to unlock those feelings, I just go eat that chicken. Yeah. So you're pretty easily tricked. Yeah. Okay. I was going to say, if you wanted to like lead him into a box with cheese, he's probably the one to feed.

That's good to know. I think it's true. Why did I feel so sad? Because you know why it's not true? You know what? It definitely has nothing to do with your like long-term personal relationship with that person. Yeah, no.

It's probably the chicken. Yeah. Probably just the chicken. Yeah. Probably just the chicken. No, I'm not crying, bro. It's just I had some chicken. I had some vegetarian chicken. I'm fucked up chemically. Why am I vulnerable today?

Yeah. It shouldn't happen to me. It's the truth. You know why it's not true? Because I made it up. You didn't make it up. Yeah, I did. How are you telling him that?

What I'm saying is- Because he made the decision to do it. I ate the chicken. That really happened. I know. How are you telling him that? What I'm saying is- Because he made the decision to do it. I ate the chicken! That really happened! I know, I made up the chicken- Yeah, but it doesn't matter if you said it or not, I would have come to that conclusion on my own. Don't you understand? You're saying you would have had a moment where you were like,

Yeah, I ate the chicken. He just confirmed what you already knew eating the chicken. That's right. You're like, this is gonna make me a bit- There's only one way to test it. Well, you'll- Let's go back. Let's make you eat 50 of them.

Eat the chicken every day for the next two weeks, and then at the end of that, we'll make out, and if you like it, it's the chicken. I would love to do that. You're like the rotisserie guy. Yeah, the chicken guy, the movement. I ate impossible chicken for 40 days straight. I feel like they'd be bad for you.

Eating impossible meat until I have tits. It's definitely not good. No, we're going to be eating a Cessna until I'm made of metal. Hold on. We need to fly to North Carolina right now.

Mr. Beast, ignore the tire thing. I'm sorry about that. That was mostly for us. I have a real one. That idea was so stupid. That idea was so stupid. You put me in a box

and you orderly give me soy. Do you want Mr. Beast to force feminize you That would do well I'd say for like a million dollars But fuck it Just to be in the fucking video Just to get up Just to collab with Mr. B

The ten digit numbers Just to get a feature Dude anything Put me on Mr. Beast So are you circumcised? That's what I was going to ask you. Heavily. Incorrectly, some might say.

Amen, brother. Incorrectly. They took too much off the top. Have you ever known anybody who has a fucked up circumcision story? A high top dude. Yeah. A friend of mine has one that's like, you know, he showed me when we were kids. It's not good.

It's not a pretty picture. And I didn't even know. I thought that a machine did it. But his was like, some guy's. It was it's not good. It's not a pretty picture, and I thought that a machine did it My mom did mine upstairs with like a sewing machine. He put it in like the Home Depot key maker The thing that they put the baby in when you do the circumcision is literally called a circumsitrant. Oh my god. That's kinda tight. It's like a...

I just didn't know they were a social standard. It's like a Mortal Kombat move. Circumstitions are like... They're like a... Subway bread. Like every once in a while there's like a whole peppercorn in one. What the fuck is that? Yeah.

Oh fuck that. She looked like Times New Roman. Oh! Yeah that's what it's like. What? Huh? They put my 15-year-old penis in that? What? Oh my god. Yeah, it looks like an eyelash curler.

You make sense. Is it hard not being able to feel anything during sex? Is it sad? Is that what having a foreskin, it feels good? Yeah, it's apparently they can bust- Oh, I thought it made your penis stink. No, it's actually a two-for-one special, you get both.

Look, it's both. Yeah. Do you guys have to stretch it out and like- Have to. Does it- Have to. Get to. Get to straight-

Pull it back a bit. You put it on the hose and you hold it and you turn it. What I do is I open it and I blow on it and it goes- It blows like a car dealership. What are you, an inflatable tube man? Yeah. No, I mean, I've never had any problems with it. It really is just kind of a blending in thing, you know?

It's like how every kid now has the curly haircut. That's how I feel about it being circumcised. I don't know a lot of people who don't have it. You're like the Jack Harlow of having a circumcised penis, is what you're saying. Yes, yeah. The best white boy to ever do it. The last of white boys. Are you rocking a lot of meat? Or is it small? My penis? It's basically

really small. What are you... I mean, yeah, it's small. Why do you think I went into this line of work? You feel like it was a good idea to make your balls bigger then? Or do you think that... That was a bad idea. make your balls bigger then? Or do you think that's been... That was a bad idea. Yeah, but I don't have a lot of good ideas.

I did my life. The severed service wants my head and my balls are too big for me to walk. I'm doing anything to be undesirable. My voice is government. You can just hand your wife the papers. It's not that. I just want to be completely... There are no rights to my balls and I already signed those over. I want to be completely right so my balls I want to be

completely unusable by science when I die I want to make the little donor heart on my license you know they can put different emojis on the driver's license? I just found out from him that they put bald on his license. Yeah, my ID says I'm bald, which is really funny. It's fucked, man.

It's like a blow because it's like, I guess this is really it. Well, it's a warning, right? Because if they think you're like a white supremacist, they can know it's like a biological thing.

You're not doing this. What if I showed up to the DMV in a fucking wig Is that illegal? No one would look at you or care I don't think they'd do a hair check What happens is you fill out your info And then they give you an eye check

And then if you pass the info Then they'll let you go through But like if you wrote like blonde long hair And you were bald they'd be like uh sir Sir why are you capping It's like a I think you should leave sketch they'd be like sir it's like a I think you should leave sketch and he's like trying to get his picture and they're like can you take the wig off

and he's like what wig yeah it's like a really shitty one he's like I am he has dreadlocks and platform shoes that's why I'm able to get away with being 6'3 on my license yeah cause they don't they eyeball it yeah and I give 6'3 energy my license. Yeah, because they eyeball it. Yeah, and I give 6'3 energy off.

I don't know. I'm 5'2. Actually, no. That would be cool, though. How tall are you? I'm like, you know, 5'9. You know 5'9 is at least 5'7. Come on, man.

Yeah, I'm 5'9. I'm 5'9. You know what? I'm 5'9. Can least 5'7. Come on, man. I'm 5'9. Yeah, I'm 5'9. You know what? I'm 5'9. Can you dunk? Can I dunk? Easily. Yeah.

No, I did. When I lived in Boston, I was probably 30 pounds heavier and convinced myself. I was like, end of the summer, I'm going to be dunking. Like, hand in the arm in the room. You're going to be at dunking, bro. Yeah. I made a Reddit post post that said how to dunk and then I replied

to everyone who replied because they replied earnestly on how to dunk I was like 18 with like thanks I'll try this didn't do anything you never tried

never went for it what was your angle what do you gain from that post I wanted to dunk I thought I would be able to learn the thing is

I thought no one would reply and then when people started replying I was like I'm not doing all that. Yeah, it's too hard. Oh shit,

I got the attention this easily? Fuck, I don't have to do stuff. Most stuff is too hard. Dunking is, I also think, probably not worth it.

Everything's too hard. Yeah. I talked to my trainer today, I have a personal trainer and he was like, I showed him the video because I worked out with the mountain

from Game of Thrones, Afthor, and I showed him my deadlift and he was like, oh cool, does he give you any advice? I'm like, advice from anyone who's that skilled with their craft is useless yeah it basically comes down to yeah just work hard and like squeeze no he didn't he said put your feet closer together that's good advice that was to those uh that's what he said to stands yeah but

to me like he was just like squeeze the top yeah at it well that's because you're just lifting and pushing metal objects well this is like when we climb with magnus and i got i was like trying like the v5 or whatever i was doing i failed and i fell down i'm like hey yo so what what do you think i should like do better he's like you're doing it right you're just like not strong enough yeah i was like yeah okay right i feel horrible that's good i'll never be strong i like when my boys experience shame yeah it's good i need that it's good for you to get that in you it is good it's good. I'll never be strong. I like when my boys experience shame. Yeah, that's good. I need that. That's good for you to get that in you. It is good. It's good to be humbled by somebody who's...

I mean, a lot of people ask me, how do you get your balls so big? I say, honestly, you don't, you know... Honestly, born again, win the lottery, you know? It's three things that are ruining my life. I'll tell you what they are. So you're a Twitter shit poster of sorts? Um... There's one.

There's artistry. There's a demeaning way to say it. There's artistry. There's artistry. You just put him down to like the lowest thing he could be. Not everybody can just tweet out that they're having a boxing event and get 20,000 likes. I can't tweet. I'm terrible at tweeting. Yeah, you're fucking terrible. You're also self-conscious about it. You're like, oh, I don't know.

I can't waste a tweet on that. Because if I have low numbers, it's like damaging for the brand. Yeah. I always assume probably people like you, there's like some firm in india that does all your tweeting or something i wouldn't think the way he does it there's somehow you know not the best at conveying what my thoughts are damn your big one was the uh the mask that wasn't even on my account that was cameron that was really funny yeah I just thought and people took it so seriously yeah

because it was a bald white guy isn't that what you want with a mask like handcuffs and he's like this is the real handcuff

wait I have I have like extremely viral people got so mad at that I have some some of the things people said about that

actually it's funny it was really good and I was like hey that's my people were so mean dude somebody people are very mean

on Twitter your face is just that's the photo of me with the mask as a I mean you really sold it with the I just thought it was fine did in the subway somebody said he's fresh bro is Caillou okay they got my boy in the striped pajamas what the hell and then the worst one was this guy said bald-ass MF grow one hair please man oh I'll me try to get

this picture in a zipper what's the meanest uh the meanest comments you've seen i mean is that it i mean why they were mean enough to screenshot those are the only comments i've ever been like yeah i'm gonna save those are your fans typically like your podcast fans like pretty on the level or do they fucking they give you shit uh they wouldn't dare cross me yeah no they're scared power yeah dude i uh uh when we were like constructing our discord i like looked at your guys's discord just to like kind of see what other pods were doing and uh it's insane man what what do you guys got going on in there i don't touch it i think there's like 500 channels. Yeah. Some of them, like one category is like food related things and it's just like

like macaroni tacos and they're all separate channels and there's like a hundred food items and all of them are active. All of them are active. That's fucking crazy. There's people in there like just had this burrito and everyone's like sick, tired. God bless those people, man. Yeah. They're just using that

one Discord as like the one place They get all their thoughts out I'm happy for them Are you ever in there? Never No Yeah Are any of you guys?

Like on the show? I don't think so No So it's just It's just like a Disgusting like waste pile Like it's a landfill Yeah I mean you said it

Not me but sure yeah That's cool Disgusting Full of wasteoid people Who don't matter Yeah I mean I've been saying that. And you guys just took your show to YouTube, right?

Yeah, we did. Have you found that there's less heart or more heart in your transition to having a set and doing the thumbnail? You mean like are we trying more? I mean, we're definitely trying. We want to be millionaires. Do you feel like, yeah. Yeah. So you're podcasting?

Yeah, I know. We're getting there. That's good. That's like probably the easiest ticket. Do you feel like you're selling out a little bit? That's always what I'm worried about in general because I'm a fucking child. How do you sell out? Isn't this

the only thing you've ever done? How do you go from this to selling out? I'm talking about if you do an audio-only podcast and it's in the dark and you do your bits. That's when we did all the lights off. Yeah, it's the lights off. You're talking about Joe Biden in Rhodesia having a bone through his nose being a warlord. And then you're like, and then you go to YouTube where you have to like, kind of like, you

have to play the game, which is very put the thumbnail. That's why I always ask him questions. Cause I don't know what the fuck's going on. But you don't feel shame about it. You're just like, fuck it. We ball. No, because I got to build two walls, which is all I got to build the set. So I was pretty excited. That's all I wanted to do. Use your hand. Yeah. Yeah because i got to build two walls which is all i got to build the set so i

was pretty excited that's all i wanted to do use your hand yeah yeah i got to go when i met him he was like uh yeah we might do this thing but it's like you know kind of fucking like lame and i'm like no it's not and he's like oh he switched it yeah he was like wait really and i'm like no it's not lame it's cool you're trying he's like oh and then like a month later they have a set and they're aliens and they're in space and I'm like hold on that might be lame I spoke too soon

now you're Trinidad and Grinch no yeah it's been fun you know joining the fucking the cabal well I mean I was counter inspired when I went to your show because you guys look like everything up yeah to like like throw all the money away of course yeah you guys because you guys's live show you basically it's like it's it's kind of your

podcast but like not really and it's more like a performance and i was like this looks they look like they're having fun we do have and everyone in the crowd is having fun and it's like a real it's a it's a really solid show and i I was like, man, I want to do this. Yeah. Over the summer, we did, I think, like 12 cities. And then we did Portland and Seattle a couple of months ago. It was so much fun. Oh, my God.

The one I went to, the venue, like, fucked everything. Yeah, they fucked us completely. So, like, I've never seen their show. I've never watched it online. And I go, and it was like a, it started with with like a five minute video about how like swag 19 is it was completely infested the world video was they they they were like yeah the projector's purple today and there was no sound yeah so we watched like a five minute slide show about covid and and then they just came out and i was like what the the fuck was that? After they were like, yeah, that was supposed to have audio.

Yeah. Normally we do like a whole like rehearsed show thing, but they were just like, we got there and they were like, yeah, we're not doing that. We were in a movie theater. So we had no idea. I don't remember. Probably. It was like 80% capacity.

That's great. Yeah, it was cool. Did the tour make money? No, but we didn't want to make any money on the tour. You didn't? Well, just like we thought like it's more fun. You went in with a conscious decision to not make money. A little bit. We were like, we're going to go to, we're going to do go-karts and we're going to eat all you can eat buffets whenever possible.

So we just did that for most of it. Oh, so like during the tour you did fun things? We did, yeah, pretty much every day we did something like that. Right. Yeah, and I think we lost $2,000. That's not bad. That's not bad at all. I was fine with that.

That's worth. You tried to spin it into like, hey, let's just make it a vacation. Pretty much, yeah. Okay. Yeah, it was fun. We drove the whole way, too. They put their whole fucking thing in a literal suitcase that the wheels were falling off of. Yeah, we did.

The whole show. I was like, oh, shit. Yeah, no, off of yeah we did the whole show i was like oh shit yeah no it was all in a one one suitcase and that was from our summer tour too your carrot top prop bucket essentially that's what it looked like yeah it was like we rented a like a a honda and just drove across country um and it was fun and only only out of the four people who are on the tour only two of us us can drive. And I drove most of it. Lee? Yeah, Lee.

Well, in every way. I think the other two. You should have seen them at go-karts. They were not having the best time. That was fun. So 12 shows, then two extra over how many months or how many weeks? The original summer tour was three weeks, 12 shows. And then we did the two like a month later.

We've been talking about doing a tour. You guys got to do it. It's kind of cringe. Cringe. You think it's cringe? Yeah. Really? Well, I think the touring aspect, I think going to a live audience, I think that's very

fun and very cool. I think it's very time consuming to do a tour, uh, because you are on the road and there's not much else you can do. But when you make a vlog Video blog I'm gonna be 180 on this whole idea You can probably post a couple The Trash Taste Tour didn't sway you a little bit So that's what I went

I went to, do you know the Trash Taste Podcast? He just told me about them They're anime guys, they get a lot of views And I'm good friends with them So I went to their tour And one of their final shows in LA And they went on like A 30 show tour or something

It was a lot They did it for like a couple months. And they had a good setup. They did it with the Game Grumps guys. Oh, yeah. They do a lot of touring. I think it's called like Good Tour Group or something. They spoke a lot of truth with JonTron up there.

They let the people know. They let them know about the statistics. I'm just saying I like Polish people. They let them know about the statistics. I'm just saying I like Polish people. And so they had like a rented out RV, like tour bus that had a specific driver. They had like cots. They had this like play area. The bus looked nice as hell.

Do that. That's like lamping. They were living the life. I'd rather be doing speed like Johnny Cash. Is the difference? Driving from gig to gig. That they're just not like streamers and you think that for a streamer it's not worth the time

well no they are and I Connor lost out I think on a lot from doing the tour I think I think the tour like I have a company with employees that I have to worry about and I found out because we recently hired an accountant and he's pretty good

it's unfortunate it used to be me and I was like yeah fuck it back in the day I used to be like hey And I found out because we recently hired an accountant and he's pretty good. It's unfortunate. It used to be me. And I was like, yeah, fuck it. Back in the day, I used to be like, hey, can I spend $16,000 on a statue of Jackie Chan? And he'd be like, I guess. Yeah, it should be fine. And I thought that's all that meant. Like, it'd be fine.

Yeah. But the new guy's like, hey, we're losing a lot of money. Like, fast. You can't hit the road. What if you're doing like weekends only flying out? See, I could do something like maybe that. Like, maybe. But it can't hit the road. What if you're doing like weekends only, flying out, coming back? See, yeah, I could do something like maybe that. Like maybe, but it wouldn't be like a- You'd send an impersonator like MF Doom.

Yeah. Yeah. I'll become Marshmallow and I'll only be in the helmet. Not a bad idea. Put it this, hey, vote on your phones now. Would you guys watch a yard tour if Ludwig wasn't there? No, I want Ludwig to be there. No, we cut him out.

We cut out Ludwig and he's out forever. I'm down. I still get 25%. That's the thing about it. Oh, he does. That's how it works here. That's fine. I'll work for dad. He can send me out. I want to go on tour, dad. I want to go on tour. Yeah. But you guys would be doing like theaters and stuff.

You'd be making okay money on those shows. I would love to sell out a dive and we got some shirts. No, I think it'd make okay money. What was the I would love to sell out a dive, and we got some shirts, and it says, like, pussy bitch on them. What was the actual, like, Trash Taste show? Pussy motherfucker. Nick told me about your guys' show, but what was Trash Taste's show actually like? They had a few rehearsed things where each member,

because there's three members, would take over a section of the show and do their own kind of program. So one was, like, these are hot takes that we had. You had to pull them randomly, and then you have to argue whatever take you pull and then the crowd will vote who did better and they have like a loud-o meter it gets loud and stuff yeah the show you guys did you guys did a list you reviewed a list about um i think it was uh people who wrote in to sexual health websites. Oh yeah, no we found that there's this website called everywhere.

I didn't. Sorry, go on. There's this website called Practo, which is like an Indian medical website, but it's all in English, so we just found all these questions that were like, my pennies is hurting, my pennies is hurting

My pennies has turned completely black and is falling off You say it This is like a the the forum boards for like health classes in like first-year lectures at school And there were questions like do girls organism at school, and there were questions like, do girls organism? It's a lot of stuff like that. That's kind of the model of your guys' entire podcast. Yeah, there was stuff like, I found a roach in my

ass, and we just found some good ones and talked about them. But we've gone back to that website plenty of times. Yeah, it's pretty much unlimited content. What was your best show? Did you walk away from one being like, fuck, we killed? Pretty much every one,

but... Yeah, I'm basically epic. Probably Atlanta or... I loved doing the South. The South was really fun. The shows were big and... They resonate with your material. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. We told it how it was. It was like shot from the hip, baby. The flag there is blue. We were like, what do you want to do with one of the Indian people? And they were like, yes. The flag there is blue. Just us making fun of Indian people on stage.

We were like, yes. They are different than us. Austin and Atlanta were definitely pretty cool. In Fort Worth, we ended up doing like, the show sold like shit. It was our worst selling show by far. It was still very fun, but we did it at like 4 p.m. And then they had to kick us out. They were like, yeah, we got like a Led Zeppelin cover band coming in.

And they were like loading in as we're on stage. And so we just saw these old Led Zeppelin cover guys bringing in pieces of a drum as we're right next to the stage. And then they were like, that was great. Do you guys want to stick around for the... And then we left and looked in

and they packed the place out. The Led Zeppelin cover band buried us. Oh my God. It was fucking crazy. Hey, you can't go up against the hits like that. No, I mean, yeah, they're playing Led Zeppelin. You can't win. Do all you guys, like, is this full time now?

Or do you guys have like normal gigs, normal jobs? It's been full time for me since I moved to New York. But when I moved to New York, I was making like $1,200 a month doing it. And I was just doing... I was just making it... Oh, and I was pretending I was unemployed and stealing a bunch of money from Massachusetts. Yes, sir. Yeah, you are a problem for the state.

In Minecraft. In a video game. For the Secret Service. No, they know. They send me notices all the time they're like you owe us three thousand dollars like come get it come to new york and get the money why in new york isn't that like that's where i live but like you moved to new york yeah so i was collecting massachusetts unemployment for a long time while making too much money on the

podcast and then they found out. And so now they send me emails, or not email, they send me mail. And they're like, buddy, if you don't pay this, you're going to have to pay a $7.50 fee on top of this if you don't pay it. So think about that, you know? Okay, all right. Keep sending them.

Yeah, you've been doing stand-up since you were 16, right? Yeah, I've been doing stand-up a long time. That's crazy. You told me that and I was like, that's fucking insane. That's like 10 years, but you're only 25. Yeah, yeah, and I suck. I suck. I remember being 15 or 16 and being like, when I'm 26, I'll be doing stand-up 10 years.

I'm going to be like really good. That would be super funny. And now I suck ass. I'm terrible. You didn't grind? No, I was so bad when I started. But I was like doing it in North Carolina, in my hometown, Wilmington.

And like I was doing stand-up in like a hookah bar. Like nobody was there for stand-up. I was like the only stand-up at an open mic, that kind of thing. Stand-up's a lot different now. Stand-up, like all the stand-up I see that's new people is on TikTok and it's always crowd work Yeah

And that's just like that's just it It's like they're trying to farm Anyone here want to be loud for a moment I don't have that in me So you're fat like I just can't do it Girl heckler tries to ruin my show I shut her down real quick Yeah liberal gets owned in my show

I feel like the meta started like I started seeing it on YouTube I love how you talk the meta started, like, I started seeing it on YouTube. I love how you talk. The meta. Oh, you like that? That's gaming. That's awesome. I mean, you're Immortal and Valorant, aren't you?

Yeah, yeah, but I leave that at the computer. You're Immortal and Valorant? That's why I suck at stand-up, yeah. It shows video games for the last couple years. Yeah. He respects you more now. I do. Yeah, nice.

That was our first thing. I was like, oh, shit, we could, like, hang out. That's pretty cool. We started playing Valorant together. You guys game together? Yeah, we play Valorant. We game every once do. Yeah, nice. That was our first thing. I was like, oh shit, we could like hang out. That's pretty cool. We started playing Valorant together. You guys game together? Yeah, we play Valorant. We game every once in a while. That's great.

Not recently because I've been going to bed so early. He goes to bed like 7 p.m. Why do you do that? He's also going to bed East Coast on Tuesday, right? I'm not a fisherman. I wish I was a fisherman.

That'd be a cool hobby. I just like going to bed. I just decided I hate going out and I hate staying up late and I like waking up at a crack of dawn. You wake up at 7am? That's that married life. It is. You're a married longshoreman. That's really good though. Waking up early

is amazing. It is really nice. Get the morning sunlight. Only happy people are awake. When you go out and get coffee. Not in New York City. No one's happy where you live. They kind of have to Like wild animals They're like

Happy though They're trying to avoid Being sunburned Oh they're as happy As a clam Yeah They love it Alright which one of you is it

What do you mean Which one of y'all smells Like stinky ass shit It's not me It's not me You pointed at yourself You smell like stinky butt I smelled this weekend

You pointed at yourself I was smelly You're a big nasty guy. I was a little stinky. I know why you smell, Hayden. Why? Because you weren't using native deodorant. You weren't using native deodorant at all.

You were just writhing around in your own nasty stink. You kept saying it's diaper time and then talking to every woman you saw. It was not cool for one. And it was also just really not cool. For one. So if you don't want to be like Aiden, here's the thing. We use native deodorant.

Don't say we. I use native deodorant. Ignore the banter and the bits that these boys are saying and listen to me, Ludwig, a trusted source of information. After my Mogul Mail series, I've started using native deodorant.

What are you doing? It's one of my favorite deodorants because of the short list of ingredients. Many other deodorants lists are long. You ever look at the ingredient list and that shit looked like a valetorian list at school? That shit got yellow five. They got aluminum

in there. Shut in. They're doing a fucking ad. Shut up. You stink like shit and you're stepping over love with Graham Overmail. You know what I like the smell of? Cashmere and rain.

What about warm cider and cinnamon? Do you want to smell like Wildwood and cardamom? Toasted marshmallow vanilla! I'm trying to smell vanilla! That's one of the flavors. That's one of the flavors

that I don't smell and I use that one. I'm trying to put Wildwood and Aiden's mom. That's what I'm saying. Hey, woo! You know what I mean? Much, Native is aluminum free. It's, I use that one. I'm trying to put wild wood in Aiden's mom. That's what I'm saying. You know what I mean? Native is aluminum free.

It's... Look, smell and feel fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com slash the yard. That's native D-E-O as in the first three letters of deodorant dot com slash the yard. Or you can use promo code theyard

at checkout and you get 20% off, which is kind of cool. And you can save Aiden from being a stinky little diaper boy with stinky diaper stuff in his stinky diaper. If you get this deodorant, we will force him to use it. Yeah. He doesn't clean his foreskin. You fart in the car. Caleb, what was that?

You kind of look like a Boston guy. Do you think so? Yeah, you have a Boston kind of energy to you. You have kind of like that racist swag. Yeah, kind of so you have a Boston kind of like racist swag like pretending we're from Quincy Quincy master yeah Quincy everyone there says Quincy with like a Z we don't we don't know the vibe. It's Quincy. Me and Aiden, we visited there. We were like fucking, peel out a Logan, fucking hit the bar, the lobster bar. Fucking father's always talking out his ass.

I love Boston. This fucking socks are fucking taking a dive. It's like what a laughable people. Yeah. We basically just ripped that for two and a half hours While we gambled at a casino Waiting for Nick to land At the airport It was one of my favorite moments

The encore? That's my home casino That's like my home stadium My jersey should be in the rafters I lost $400 He walks in as a standing ovation Oh my god So what are you guys going to do on Twitch now that gambling's banned?

Wait is that what you did? Yeah that was their whole Every week they would gamble on Twitch Really? It's fun dude I mean I didn't gamble we would watch my friend gamble Sponsor? They had a wealthier friend who would gamble They'd all watch Like on steak or something?

On roll bit That sounds really legit. To be clear, I mean, hey, Zipper, can you pull up Twitch and then go to the slots and gambling category? Are we still going? They're still going, bro. They're just like, come get us. Come get us, Mass.

I think it was a big PR thing, but like now actually having to shut down that many accounts, someone at Twitch is like, I'm not going to do that. Pretty much impossible. Yeah. It's definitely possible. They're just, they ain't going to do all that. They're just, they're just ripping it. There is just, they're just playing slots.

Hey, welcome back. What the, oh my God, it's back on. It's fucking back on in a major way. I get banned, but that's the worst case. Oh no, I got banned from Twitch. Who cares? How many viewers would you guys cop? Like 30.

Who gives a fuck? That's so tight. I'd lose them in an instant. Yeah. It's basically just Jubio on your account. Yeah, no, he does all the streaming. He streams like daily. No, yeah, I don't want to do all that.

I had an idea maybe I would do a 24-hour DJ set and he'd talk me out of it. He was like, yo. What the fuck? I was like, that would be awesome. Do you not have supportive friends? Jubio is not a supportive friend, no. He tries to talk me out of stuff like that. He's like, you can try, but it's not going to be fun.

I'm like, that sounds like so much fun. 24 hours of like spinning. Juvio hit me up and he's like, hey, would you, would you, do our boys want to like play like Family Feud versus us? I'm like, we did that, bro. Oh. I'm like, come on, we already did that. Wait, we would?

I would. No, I said yes, but I'm just saying we did the Family Feud thing. Oh, shit. Every idea has been done. That's why he fucking struggles, bro. He goes downstairs like, oh, I don't know what I'm gonna do today. Pogo stuff. Let's do it. I do make it up every day as I go along. Yeah. Do you have like a big whiteboard of different crazy ideas that are...

He doesn't know how to write. No. You don't. Illiterate. I've never learned. Well, that might be a good video. Teaching Ludwig to read. Teaching Ludwig to read. I thought the video was just, I'm illiterate, and then the thought of it was just like,

mom. Just cross-eyed. I thought you were talking about how to read. What about this one? Nope. Still no. Yeah, what I do is I go on Twitch, and then I look at every big streamer, and I see what they're doing, and then if it's anything good, I steal it.

And if it's not, I'm like, fuck. Then I look at what I did six months ago and I try to steal it. Do you feel like you've hit a wall with the ideas stuff? It's cyclical. Like there's metas. That's a thing. God of War comes out in two days. I didn't make the word.

You know what's big? What? Among Us VR. Have you done it yet? It comes out in three days. Among didn't make the word. You know what's big? What? Among Us VR. Have you done it yet? It comes out in three days. Among Us VR with their Among Us cocks out? Is it like a sex thing? That's what I was going to ask.

Yeah. Everything in VR is a sex thing. That's what I think too. I own one, by the way. Okay. Only VR chats are sexy. Wait, hold on. You're trying to make your balls big.

You're doing VR. Yeah. Is this like the two things to call the suicide hotline? No, it's like cyberpunk. He's just trying to become the sex god of the internet. I got pretty sucked into VR for a little bit, but I wasn't even doing

like the cool VR stuff. There was an app on the Oculus called Big Screen and it was just a movie theater that you would sit in with like other people

and they would just play like Rick and Morty on a chair. And I would just sit in there four hours a day just like on my couch like, oh! Yeah. And then like and I would just sit in there four hours a day just like on my couch yeah and then like

every episode every episode would be interrupted by an eight year old with one of the headsets screaming at me why is his hair blue I don't know man it's a great technology you got that and you got Beat Saber they got a lot i got

sucked in immediately i i joined vr chat and immediately they're like okay uh this is my mute what what's that oh it's like the person who follows you around doesn't speak right yeah it's like it's like basically they treat them like pets and it's another human who has a vr headset but never talks what why Is this like a cultural thing? Yeah, is this like that common? It's like a sex thing. Oh, it's common, yeah, and you can have a mute and they'll specifically tag along with you. And you can have sex with them.

You can have sex with a mute. Yeah, you can have sex. You turn the mute out. I don't know about turning mutes out. I don't know how that works. Did you turn your mute out? I never got a mute. I never got that far. You need one? Could I be, yeah. You were somebody's mute. Hey, fuck it. Whatever. I'll take two pelts and two mutes.

All right. Good sir. I'll generate enough ball sack skin. Take some collagen peptides and I'll be pumping out some ball skin for you. But Chance Soda Poppin, he had a mute and he was bragging about his mute a lot. And this is a year ago now. But she would dance and stuff and usually mutes are just guys who

are role playing as really cute animal looking girls that are small and petite like fairy holy fuck oh my god he didn't like that he didn't like that He didn't like that

I don't like being between you two I'm pretty scared Look at that glare Oh it's menacing We are in a yard too I was just bringing back the George energy You talked about fucking my mom last week You talked about fucking my mom last week

I'm just saying When we were at your house she fucking my mom last week. You know, she... I'm just saying... I'm just saying, when we were at your house, she looked like she had hooves. You know... I'm gonna show her this. That's good. No, that's good. I'm gonna show her this. That's like a horse ass.

Like a... Kale, don't jump in. Don't jump in, Kale. I'm trying to make it better. It's not better. Like, she's got a horse's ass. It's better. It's like what Kale was saying. You're's ass. It's better. It's really big.

It's really big. It's her least favorite. You know you're her least favorite. I'm sorry. She walking around in Hollis on all fours. Wow. I would like to say I have not partaken yet. Yet?

Still time. No. And his mom. You're not going skiing this year, bro. Oh, no. You're not going. No. Come on.

I want to go skiing. Can I go low? Yeah, you can go. It's cold. You're out. You're year, bro. Oh, no. You're not going. No. Come on. I want to go skiing. Can I go low? Yeah, you can go. It's cold. You're out. You're out, bro. I can be his normal friend. Yeah.

Yo, Durz, let's go hit the slopes. Durz. Come on, man. Yeah, no, look. I didn't. I'm sorry. Hey, so what were we talking about? Say it.

What? Say it again. Say what again? I'm sorry. Say it again. Yeah, you only got I'm sorry. You barely said it. Yeah, I'm sorry.

Say it. This is what you do. This is what my mom. This is what you do. You don got I'm sorry. You barely said it. I'm sorry. Say it. This is what you do. To my mom. This is what you do. You don't apologize for things. I do. I send you a sorry text like a week ago. Apologize to fucking Paloma right now.

Also, why are you blaming my mom for something I did? Yo, what's up? Paloma, me and Caleb are sorry for what we did just now. I didn't say shit. Your mom's name is Paloma? Yeah. This is a weird place. It means dove in Spanish. Yeah. Okay. She's born is Paloma? Yeah. This is a weird place. It means dove in Spanish.

Yeah. Okay. She's born in France. She chain smokes. I thought it meant grapefruit and tequila. Oh wait, that also is yeah, that's the Paloma too. Yeah, yeah. Damn good drink. He's got a drink after her. His mom chain smokes and eats hay. Really?

So you didn't mean your apology. Chain smoking milfs are like top tier, dude. Yeah, it's chain smoking milf are like top tier dude chain smoking milf nurse pussy yeah dude if I had a chain smoking milf call it complete man Patrick's mom hands me a fucking L&M red

dude I'm just thank you thank you miss Doran would you ever do crack for the meme you know my favorite Thank you, Miss Doran. Have you, would you ever do crack for the meme? You know what my favorite, my favorite, my favorite part about this is he keeps presenting this to new people as if someone is finally going to be on his level about this. Then fuck yeah. Yeah, I will do it.

Yeah, I'd do crack. You would. I do, I mean, I think that, uh. Have you done crack? No. I don't know, man. Why did it sound so... Your voice got so low.

Have you done crack? No, I haven't done crack. If you whisper it, you look like someone who's done crack. I don't think that. I don't think that of you. No, you look like someone who maybe has tried crack once. Yeah. One time, you think I've smoked crack?

Yeah, why not? No, I've not smoked crack. I don't even like smoking weed. Weed makes me go crazy. Really? Yeah, I used to, I mean, I used to smoke a lot of weed, but for a while, when I first moved to New York, I was like eating weed gummies every day. Oh, the Lubbock.

Yeah, and then one time I went to the bathroom, like in the morning, and I'd eaten a lot of weed gummies the night before, and I looked looked at my tile and I saw like cartoon characters on like the tile of my ground like if I like squinted my eyes a little bit I was like oh I'm going crazy because I'm eating so much well you know you live in New York you just have roaches no no weed scares me now you know the side effect that scares me what because i think i have a i have a worse prostate a prostate's gotten what's what's it look like like max capacity when it's working yeah what is so like like if i get high and then i wake up the next day and i go pee it's like trickling out and the hose is turned off it's taking effort to piss

dude the other day i was pissing and it was coming out the slowest ever come out and the hoses turned off it's taking an effort to piss do the other day I was pissing it was come out the slowest ever come out I was worried for like a day like maple see the next day was the hardest that ever came out I think I just had like a little guy in there yeah something blocking sand in the pipe that's pretty scared of kidney stones oh I heard they're the most painful shit you could ever my cousin got a kidney stone and he collapsed at the movie theater and they thought he was dead. Plus he's a cousin? Yeah, he's a bitch.

He just had too much sweet tea. Yeah, code red will put you in the hospital. Yeah, it's scary. You go past the serving size on a red line. What is that? A ghost energy? Jesus. It's a sour patch.

I know, I see that. I had a couple sips and I want to see what a million bucks. No. Yeah, yeah, 200 milligrams of caffeine Not that much read the vitamin part kind of a lot Dude, I ever sent of four daily vitamins. I don't ever drink energy drinks and half Thor offered me Or his like guy. I don't know. I don't know what wake his mute his mute It was offered me one and and it had 300 milligrams of caffeine or his like guy. I don't know. I don't know who that was. Wake? His mute. His mute. It wasn't wake. Offered me one and it had 300 milligrams

of caffeine. That's too much. And I fucking did the chug chug sound and ripped it and I didn't feel anything and that's when I learned I was built different.

Pretty loud, huh? Yeah, it'll wake you up. It's like smelling salts. Yeah, I've had, I've tried those. Oh yeah, they did salts when they were lifting. Oh really?

Yeah. Did it help your lifts at all? I don't know. I did 315, but I don't know if I would have done that without the smelling salts. But that was a big jump from your last max. I thought that was impressive. 315 deadlift?

315 curl? Deadlift. Yeah, yeah. Just one. Oh, okay, yeah. That's okay. No, it was 315 deadlift, and my biggest before that was 255. Okay.

But I tried. It worked. You gave it your all, and you looked really great doing you guys see that clip of half thor dropping the 400 pound watt yeah oh yeah on his body that was also 400 kilogram or three kilograms 330 kilograms dropping it like just he did he did two squats and then he tries to re-rack it and it like misses and then it drops on him and he's kind of just like ow yeah i'm like i would be dead oh yeah that killed you and he's just like game of thrones guy ouch and i was like that's crazy well he's the

coolest record i think that exists it's a 1000 year old record that lived in icelandic lore of this strong man in like you know a thousand ce who lifted up a ship's mast on his back after 50 men picked it up and put it on there, walked three steps to prove how strong he was by himself, then his back broke. He was never the same again. Whoa. So Half-Thor, like seven years ago,

gets this log that's the same size, same weight, picks it up on his back, and then walks five steps, puts it down, back still intact. Oh my God and gets dirty No, he just was like yeah, he beat an imaginary thing yeah, and also you guys are rolled a stone up It was a real story that the end you got a lot of pussies There's 50 women there and they said I loved how big you lifted and they all fucked him and it was real

signed himself yeah notarized by himself actually the same guy who wrote the book of Mormon both the same guy what's your ethnicity? dude you come out

with the hot questions you really do come out with the heaters are you Italian? I'm Italian yeah I knew it I knew we could smell our own dog shit type.

Yeah, Italians are just having a moment. Do you guys touch? Like a touch? I'm a little sweaty. I don't care. Oh, I heard it. Honestly, I don't like our stubble stuck together like Velcro for a second.

It did stick a little bit. You need a Gillette Fusion 5? Nah dude I'm a Dollar Shave Club Six blade man I was on those And they were so hardcore They're pretty hardcore

Yeah I wasn't with it What's hardcore about it? It's just six blades And if you like It's just really abrasive Do you loach up? I loach hard Yeah

Yeah Sometimes I'll hit my head With Aquaphor Like I'm healing a tattoo Oh my god That's extreme It's not quite Vaseline But it's's thick on there some crazy shit with my head I do I've been trying to go to a sauna pretty often because I've noticed it's good for my head my head skin

Oh cold plunge Water do the the 150 degree room and then right into the water. It feels yeah, super good feels very good Yeah, you feel like the devil coming look like the guy on the warhead. Your big, giant, magnificent balls. They start to grow little faces and they're wheezing. I really want to go to these. There's these ones in these bathhouses in New York that are like the Russian bathhouses. And it's all just like old, fat Russian guys walking around.

And those ones are no women allowed fully nude wherever um and i want to go but just get hotter huh you can like hire a hit man there like that's where you go it's like the the john wick one yeah you're the hitman they hire yeah you know there's a there's a sauna world championship that happens in like finland and uh, they This happened like a few years ago There was a finnish guy and I think a russian guy who are like competing for the title and the way you win Is like they keep upping the temperature at different stages and then and then you stay You see how long you can stay at the new temp like for how

long you can stay in the sauna before you have to leave and they had to like change or cancel the competition because the one Finnish guy stayed in so long that his skin started to like slough he got cooked and he literally got cooked and they were just like yeah I guess we can't run this anymore because you were supposed to come out But you're just like this old Give up the other version of that is two dudes in New York wearing shorts as deep as they can into the winter And however long they can last I do that I wear my Crocs pretty much all the way through the winter taking the dog out in the morning Are you shorts and winter guy? I have a East Coast thing

I have a pair of pajama shorts that if I'm, if it's the morning, I'm not changing into pants. Take the dog out. I ran that to like senior high school. You thought you were money about it? December 17th. Yeah, I'm not cold. Yeah, because yeah,

you'll get comments and they'll be like, I can't believe you're wearing shorts. And I'll be like, I guess I'm not cold right now. I don't know. I guess my kneecaps are built different than your shitty kneecaps.

Yeah. Sorry, my circulation's so damn good. Yeah. Yeah, just don't get cold like that. Just how I'm built. Yeah, no don't know. I guess my kneecaps are built different than your shitty kneecaps. Yeah, sorry my circulation's so damn good. Yeah. Yeah, just don't get cold like that. Yeah, no, thank you. What is sloth? Uh, like... Yeah, I brushed over that, but I was...

Yeah, like, you know, like a little molten kind of thing. You know when, like, something... You know when dead... I'm trying to describe how it works. It's like stripping a wire. Huh? You're a blue collar guy. I'm trying to describe how it works. It's like stripping a wire. Huh? You're a blue collar guy.

You roast a tomato or you blanch a tomato and you take the skin off. And it kind of like, it's hot and mushy and it literally, you could just like push it and it comes off. That can happen to like your skin.

Ew. That happened to a man in Finland That happened to a Finnish man in a sauna. Wow, what happened? I think his skin sloughed off. I don't really remember. I might be confused

with a Bible story. You ever been out of the country? Never. You want to? Wow. I would love to, yeah. I really want to go to Mexico.

I want to go visit Jubeo in Mexico. I was going to ask you, do you think your shit lets you not leave the country? Do you think you try to leave and they're like...

I wanted to get a passport but I just seemed too hard so I gave up it's a whole day it is for sure a whole day yeah it just seemed like too much the appointment was at a weird time too and i was like yeah i'll probably be asleep by the time they actually let me into this fucking office i'll probably be bored with this by the time i get close yeah never left the country um i'd love to go to australia honestly that sounds like a fun place to go get your passport i to go to australia honestly that sounds like a fun place to go get your passport i'll go to australia yeah need to do it we know like a weird amount of people in australia because of smash it is a weird we stay everywhere we got we got one downstairs right now what's the flight like it's 15 hours you watch movies the whole time you honestly if

you can sleep on planes what you do is you just fall asleep for like six to eight hours Drake method and then you watch two movies and it's over. Yeah, it doesn't sound so bad It's not and then you land and then we all do crack together. It's Australian Yeah, cuz you're all jet lags you stay up. So you sleep in the right time. Yeah, and then it costs $400 That's what they give you on Qantas instead of a Biscoff cookie Would you like your brekkie? And then if you spill anything on the plane The flight attendants tell you to fucking snort it They're all in on it

Sounds good dude I'll book the flight now I want to go back already I miss Australia Pot about list takes all How does a general pot about list go? Like an episode? Yeah.

You know, we do 30 minutes of talking about eating diarrhea and different ways that you could eat diarrhea, put diarrhea in your mouth. Push it around. I think that's probably where Slime likes it. In the back of your mushroom puppy. He's so giddy right now. He's like

he's like it is why it is why he thinks it's funny that he like poop and talk about shit and like

look at him right now just cause I'm talking about BB and Boo Boo it's actually it only uploads to his RSS he's the only

he's been tricked into thinking you guys have an audience he skips all the list stuff yeah the list stuff I'm not there I'm here for the the first 30 minutes

of heat yeah it is pretty I mean it can be some heat you know we have great segments where we imagine who are we imagining is going to eat poop

this week you know is it going to be the queen is it oh let's go is it going to be topical who knows that's the crazy thing

that's the crazy thing is it could be anybody who's going to eat a diaper like a burrito which one is it going to be now and what's the poop going to be like yeah what's the poop gonna be like?

What's the consistency? Sometimes we'll mention a person that doesn't eat poop as a joke and then go back to what we're good at and talk about the poop thing. Exactly. We get back on track pretty fast. Keep it fresh, keep it fresh. And then we just talk about, we usually find somebody who is mentally disabled who has a blog online. And then we read that and we laugh at that for a little bit. And then, you know, we call it that for a little bit uh and then you know we call it a day clock out right that's the dream yeah and that was pretty easy have you ever

wanted to just deviate from the list part and just talk about the diarrhea for the whole thing i've been pushing for that for probably we've been doing three years now probably three years i've been wanting to do that i feel like other stuff i feel like like Cameron is the list guy like he likes well he has like a really good just like Rolodex of different websites yeah it's great he's able to find I'm like I feel like I have a good idea of how the internet

works and where to find stuff and he has deeper tips and tricks that I won't reveal because they are a bit secret of the trade yeah he has his ways and me I just I if I have to come up with one of the websites yeah he has his ways uh and me i just i i if i have to come up with one of the websites it usually is like hey i found this guy's blog he eats shit poop and shit and stuff and it's you who wrote the blog what's your role on the podcast you think like what what do you feel king dominator

um no i don't know caleb the destroyer basically yeah yeah one of those uh i mean what is what is yours i mean bald guy i guess i'm bald guy i'm old guy i'm grumpy guy uh but i feel like i bring a lot of electric energy to my mom everybody give me okay what are you i know like the battle rapper he's the quick guy yeah okay quick guy i like that you're always off the dome. Bazinga. Yeah, like when Aiden said the story about the Finnish guy, I wanted to say all I do is Finnish guys, and I wanted to go for a pound

around the room. That would have been good. But you guys kind of cut me off, so I let it go. It lost timing. You gotta just steamroll. But that's basically all I do. Oh, okay. Is that. Is Finnish guys. Is Finnish guys. Okay. Bald guy, grumpy guy. Yeah. What electricity? Uh, money guy, famous guy. Money guy, famous guy. electricity Money guy famous guy money guy famous guy. I'm no guy who looks like this guy Yeah, and then placeholder until X you see finally comes on the show

He's cropped out trying to get there it's been one it's a rough road right now we do the Torah It's he who goes out and I say he's It's all the parts God left behind when making Ludwig. I can see, yeah. Attentive, emotional, communicative. Not famous. If you guys sold like a stadium, if you didn't sell the floor seats, you could be Ludwig on stage. Yeah. If they were far enough away.

Until they say do this and then. Oh! And shit looks like the McDonald's arches. No, I can't. I wanted to not worry about it, but I watched a whole fucking mini doc about this guy who went through his like hair loss, you know, process internally and then went to South Korea to like go solve it. And I learned everything I could.

I was like, this is the weapons I need in the future. Maybe. Let's go. Hey, if you get a hair many years i'll get one for fun i think going to cap what just for fun dude it's like you're going to kiss a dude i'll kiss a dude no i'll actually make out it's not like that i'll do it so you don't have to be filled with shame because i don't have shame about my bald head. I'm beautiful. You know what I'm saying? But you have shame and you're sad and you're

depressed about it and I can help you by being with you. You're depressed, bro. You're completely depressed. This is a big 180 from me not having any shame. Why not go to Korea? You wanted to go to Turkey? I think Hungary is the spot. No. No, Turkey is the one.

I watched the video, bro. I watched the video. Korea is the spot. I feel like Korea does the best plastic surgery on the planet Yes sir. YouTube video we both went to different countries Like which McDonald's is better? I rolled Argentina so mine came out real weird. Throwing a dart at a map and then doing a hair transplant there I just did what to my pores? Mine came out real weird. Throwing a dart at a map and then doing a hair transplant there. Yeah. I had that idea. I just did what to my pores? It was one of those.

Let's do it. Well, you let me know when you're ready to take the pill. No, he won't need to let you know. You will notice. It's stabilized. Thank you. You've been stabilized? You got the control room is... Yeah.

I've checked it. I've checked it. I'm doing little measurements. It's only 30 Rothkins right now. You know what I'm really happy about? This is unrelated, but we get to make fun of Atriox's tattoo for the rest of time. That's pretty cool. Oh, yeah.

Our buddy got a tattoo predicting the Worlds per league. Team. He got the team winning. He got T1. He got T1. World champs 22 and T1 lost. Such a layup. Just put Chinese on your leg and be like,

yeah, it's probably Chinese teams. That's rough, because two Korean teams. Really? Wrong at the gate, yeah. I don't know anything about League. I went to Worlds in New York, and I was just sitting there just looking around, trying to gauge when I should scream. Yeah, I was home alone for Worlds, because they all went.

Oh, I thought you went. No, I was here. And I tried my I was home alone for world because everyone they all went oh I thought you went no no I was here and and I tried what I've never watched League of my life I just try my you know what big event I'll watch and I'm like halfway through and I'm

like I don't I can't I don't understand yeah calling all my friends who play like anyone want to come hang out with me and just explain this to me and no one was available he didn't

call me up and then you ask your friend and he's like well they got the they got the crazy dragon And you're like what They got the crazy dragon Makes you win Yeah

Crazy dragon Am I fucking Am I stuttering No it's crazy dragon Because they've already Gotten four dragons They've gotten the ocean The fire

And now it's the crazy dragon I don't even know What you're talking about You get soul point Then you get the elder Every time someone Tries to explain lead to me I feel like they're

Making fun of me Yeah yeah That's how I feel When I watch Dota. Isn't it the same game? Ish. Different type. But they have all the,

it's the same game at its core with a lot of different words. League is, Dota's like tennis? No, it's not. It's like tennis and pickleball

if everyone played pickleball instead. So it's like the two worst sports in the world. Yeah, exactly. You shouldn't play it. No one who plays likes. Dota kind of bit League's shit

like League is like the top dog okay do you have you ever considered doing like four people are mad right now I don't know

I thought he would be do I just know you're trolling I thought a lot I just know you're trolling I'm kidding I'm just kidding I'm just kidding

I'm just kidding I'm just kidding I know you have to be trolling but that was so I'm not mad even a little bit I'm not even mad a little bit that's right Gucci didn't even fill that one I wanted to do no death doom nightmare mode runs. I was like as a like as like a speedrunner Yeah, I think about getting into speedrunning But it just seems to get too hard casting speedrunning really try to waste your whole life Podcasting speedrunning You're really trying to waste your whole life

He's already married So he's You can socially run it down For the rest of your life Babe I know you've been telling me I gotta bring more in So I've been thinking about speedrunning I'm also picking up League of Legends It's a no death like nightmare mode

On Doom and I think it's fucking hardcore and sick And I don't know if you've ever thought about it. Has someone ever done it? Yeah, it's like a category. Oh, it's a category. Yeah. Have I ever thought about doing that specifically?

No. I thought about speedrunning Glover. I was like, really? Yeah, Glover's awesome. I used to love that game when I was a kid.

I never played it. I couldn't get past the opening level. It's hard. It was so hard and I was so dumb as a kid. I think I beat the opening level

so I'm already like top 5%. I went from Pokemon Snap and I was like, I'm ready for Glover. Nope. I was not dumb as a kid I think I beat my the opening level so I'm already like top five percent I went I went from Pokemon Snap and I was like I'm ready for Glover no I was not ready for Glover the core gameplay loop is different yeah in those my my only speed running I ever tried was I tried to speed run Psychonauts but I liked the game so much I wanted to like try beat it real quick like but I was playing on console I didn't know that for that game you can't speed run it on console because the frames are lower and there's like certain tech that's impossible. And so I spent like,

when we lived in like the piss and shit house, I spent, I think, like three days trying one technique and failing it every time and wondering why. You couldn't hack it. I was so bad at this game. I'm like, what?

There's so many people who speed run this. Why am I? I thought I was a gamer. And I looked it up and I can't do it. Oh, yeah, yeah. And it was impossible. The internet said You can't do it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was possible Internet said I can't do it in it. That is the console. It's not me definitely It's like realize no like my dad like works that the Microsoft might not You he works any design psycho not bill

He said I can't do she basically goes to another school and it's really hot double D's So tell you ains been speedrunning recently. What is that, his hairline? Our friendship. Oh, both. Two burns at once. He's been speedrunning our friendship, bro. Right here? Trying to fucking run that shit.

Right here. What do you do? Tell you why on the pod. Tell you why on the primo pod there, Caleb. Okay. We got a primo pod to get to. We're gonna put it in the Patreon. Yeah, we're gonna bounce your dumb ass out of here.

Sounds good. But, hey guys, if you want more of this beautiful bear pod about... Don't have any hair on me oh my god I'm sorry what's your thing what do you want to say what do you care about this camera this camera this camera this camera

tell the people where they can find you check out podcast about list please please I need money I need money so bad he's going to take me to Turkey. I'm going to open my wallet. A fly is going to come out. I'm not going to be able to afford it.

And I'll be like, we only have enough for one transfer. They're going to be acting me. Yeah, exactly. They're going to be putting fucking cat hair on my head if I don't pay it. So please, please check out Podcasts About Lists on Patreon. And we have a YouTube channel now. They're doing video stuff. Truly funny.

Truly funny, guys. And it was nice having you Thanks for coming Thank you for having me We're bald And we're bald Okay We usually end on an exciting note That gets people into the

Is that not exciting? Nope Two people making the best of a situation You guys look like eggs Whoa So see you guys in the premium