The Yard - Ep. 90 - The Jschlatt Episode

Episode Date: April 6, 2023

This week, the boys are joined by Jschlatt! The boys discuss the Enumclaw incident, the brain-eating amoeba and how Schlatt made Ludwig.

what a special episode it is how about we welcome to the set i mean the yard which is outside slime-imesicle. Slimesicle! Come out here, Slimesicle. He didn't like that one. He didn't like that one. All the way from Eamonclaw, Washington, we have Mr. Hands. Hey! This guy. Dude.

This guy. I'm stressed out when he's behind me. You're breaking the fucking door. Jesus fuck. You can try! You walk through doors all the time. You said 150? Your home has doors. You don't weigh 150 pounds. That wouldn't be close to 150.

You've never been 150 pounds. You're just breaking our fucking set. You look like... This is bad. No one's ever done it that bad. Hey. Period. Yeah. Oh. He's back. How do you put it back on?

That's the hard part. What's up? For the audio listeners. Oh, that's how you're talking. He pulled out a revolver. For the audio listeners. Yeah. If you're listening on audio, he is armed to the teeth. Oh my god, I spelled blue everywhere. Fuck. It's blue.

Everywhere. Oh no. We're in a fucking yard. That's really sticky. Hi, what's up? Hey everybody, finally made it. Woo! Yeah!

We're not collabing again. You don't wanna... We're not collabing again? Third time we're not collabing. You look like such a dignified businesswoman, and you don't want to collab. Say I look like a woman because I'm wearing a peacoat. Men can wear a peacoat. Do you need this further in?

No, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. He's experienced. I love how we have this whole meme that we do the episode in Enumclaw, Washington. Yeah. Enumclaw.

And you've never been able to say it correctly once. Is it not Humanclaw? No, it's Enumonclaw. That's where Mr. Hands got fucked to death. You know what I didn't know about that story? Is how many times he'd successfully been fucked prior to that incident. Yeah. You can only get fucked to death one time.

Can we help the audience understand? It's like the drunk crashers. What Eumonclaw Washington is all about. I think you just described it. It's what's on the sign when you drive in, where Mr. Hands got fucked to death. He just said the guy got fucked to death. If you'll go to the Enumclaw, Washington trivia page and you navigate the Wikipedia, you'll find out that there's a dude named Kenneth Pinion, who is a Boeing engineer, who really

loved getting fucked by horses. He was an aeronautics engineer. I didn't know who is a Boeing engineer who really loved getting fucked by horses He was an aeronautics engineer I didn't know he was a Boeing engineer He was a literal rocket scientist Here's the thing And actual horses not just women from Washington I'm not trying to draw conclusions, but Hassan's brother also works at Boeing. Yeah, he does

Maybe it's a thing. Maybe it's a thing. I can ask him Maybe it's like a Boeing like a Boeing hazing thing I have a huge question right now. If you only fuck ponies. Yeah Are's like a bowing hazing thing. I have a huge question right now. If you only fuck ponies, are you like a horse pedophile? Wow. Like, right? Yeah.

No, that's a good question. Wait, ponies are just small horses, right? They're a different breed altogether. But that's still a different animal. I think all animals are kids. What? This guy, I mean, holy shit. I think, you look at a cock on one of those things and...

On a Shetland pony? You'll change your mind. That's a healthy ass kid. That thing was a healthy kid. That thing was a stallion. I think it's all the same. It's all bad. It's not like there's different gradients.

It's not like, oh, it's worse. It was a bit worse. Where was this Ludwig on the primo? Like five weeks ago. Oh my God, it was so annoying. It's not like there's different gradients. It's not like, oh, it's worse. It was a bit of yours. Where was this Ludwig on the primo? Like five weeks ago. Oh my God, it was so annoying. You're saying like fucking animals is equal to... No, no, better than killing them. It's better than killing them. We moved off of this.

Because they come like crazy. That's what he said. Shly, can you believe that? Why are you starting so crass today? I'm not starting crass. Oh, you're not starting crass. Pig's orgasms last for 30 minutes. Thank you.

What does that have to do with anything? And the cum just keeps going out. There's no way it's coming out for all 30. Yes it is. Alright, answer me this. Have you seen it? Have you seen a pig cum? Fucking liberal, always just saying shit and not thinking about it first.

Liberal would never get his hands dirty on the ranch. You cannot have a steady stream going for 30 minutes We can't be holding fucking four juvies talking about this Can you hold this? As a brand ambassador for juvies Pigs have 30 minute orgasms And you know what? Jay Shaw wants you to know that they last for 30 minutes

Well hey, listen I own a competing energy drink company. Oh, shit, that's right. We welcome that talk. Dude, you're putting in Arrowhead. It's like... Oh, yeah, that's pretty bad. You just put a...

You're going to activate the fluoride, and it's going to explode. You're going to make elephant toothpaste. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know enough about the water situation here. Is Arrowhead not a good brand? This is gamersups.gg, by the way, slash Schlatt. So this is your product?

This is the exchange, guys. We get Jay Schlatt and all his magnanimous 6,000-foot glory, and we also get to look at his... Is that a caveman eating an avocado? Can I level with you guys? I really hate when YouTubers do this whole shtick of, yeah, I'll come on your podcast just because we're friends.

No. This is an exchange. I'm here to film shit and make money and sell my product. And also, I'll talk about my other podcast soon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is definitely exchange. And that's how it works. That's how the real world is.

Yeah. Two scoops of that into a water bottle. Don't do it. 200 milligrams. Don't posture like that. Is he doing it? He's trying to snort it. Do it.

I own the company. Do it. I'm trying to start it do it. I own the company That's on the house, thank you that whole can keep that mm-hmm put in the juvie take a sip of this Juvie take a sip of this. I'll take a sip of this It's on the mic. We're just one latrine on the circuit right now. I can't believe it's called that cuz it doesn't taste like that Yeah, I mean does it give you kidney stones like Juvie does? No let me get Do you have kidney stones real quick? I don't have kidney stones No, you were talking earlier how like oh I gotta get up and piss three times during this podcast You're telling us before that does that mean you have stones in your kidney and your penis your balls no no that means this is the sixth podcast i filmed in 48 hours because that's all i do when i get your slop we

just get your disgusting i'm so sad am i doing fine your ad read was decent like what do you want from me listen it's you're drinking a blue raspberry juvie right now. Mine is also blue raspberry flavored, but we added a little milk in it to make it look like cum, so it's a little more fun when you're drinking it. So it's not blue? Why would you add milk to make it look like, you called it teddy milk, you want it to look like cum?

Yeah, well, I wanted to call it cum. Do they come from the same? Are you okay with this comment? It's a little bit crass for you. This is great. Oh, so when Schleier says cum and penises and horse pedophiles, that's okay? Don't lose the horse pedophile. You just said it. Oh, you see, we're good debaters.

We're good debaters on this end. I'm the Destiny Shapiro of debating. I want to know who's looked at you two for one day. I'm the Destiny Shapiro of debating. Well, I wanted- God, who's looked at you two for one day? I wanted to call the flavor cum. I really did. Yeah. Well, what stopped you?

Well- Be honest. The government. My other partners in the company advised me that- It's always legal. You could never push the envelope further. Meaning, we have titty milk. Great. Now we can do another cool thing that's also has

an awful name. Oh, no, no, you can definitely go past cum. You can't go past cum. Cum too. You can't go past cum in a marketable way. Horse cum. Have you put? Have you put?

No one would buy that. Cum too, but it's carbonated. That's what I'm saying. Well, Hard cum. Sick cum like that sick water. Pocari cum. Kombucha. That's what I'm saying.

If you're playing bingo at home, you've probably won by now. You've probably filled about three cards worth. We're back to old tricks on the podcast. Have you ever done a crack pipe shot? Will you drink your energy drink out of a crack pipe? I don't even think I've ever seen a crack pipe.

Sommelier. Have you got... Sorry, this is the crack king. Why do you have the crown on? Hello. He's the king of crack. Because I'm the crack king. Okay, right. King of crack the crack king. Why do you have the crown on? Hello. He's the king of crack. Because I'm the crack king. Okay, right.

King of crack, crack king. You know when a lot of it was going through cities in like the 80s and 90s? I hate how they gentrify the crack king. Give it over. Fork it over, buddy. To LA. I did a juvie shot last episode. So if you want to get a taste, get a little in there.

It's good. Just to be clear, we're not sponsored by any of these products. We're not sponsored by big crack. We're not sponsored by Big Crack. We're not sponsored by Crack. No. I would never. But if you're watching Big Crack. Actually, to be clear, he is sponsored by the company he owns.

Nate Schott would never condone. He would never pay you money to drink. That wasn't part of his dream. To drink juvie out of a crack pipe. I would. Would you? Yes. You can do whatever the fuck you want with the powder.

I will pay you. As long as you move the product. I did snort it, and I do. It's still itchy. I feel real good. I feel different for sure. Do you still get caffeine if you snort it? Do you still get that?

Oh, yeah. I think, yeah, it goes through. Through the bloodstream. Why do you think cocaine works? You're holding it so dainty. Because of the caffeine. You're like a French, like madam. Stop bringing

it to my people. He looks like he owns a whorehouse. You've never been, first of all what do you think happens in France? They have whorehouses. There's madams. Do you think a madam is a whore? There's all sorts of, no, no, no, no, of course not. There's all sorts of madams and whores. The madam does not involve herself. She's the bottom bitch

who runs the whorehouse? She's not the bottom bitch, that's not the- Don't chime in with you though. He's wearing a crown. I'm the crack king, I would know. You haven't gone to France in ages. Like four years. You can't even speak it anymore, people don't know that.

I can't speak it, I didn't lose it. How do you hold one of these things? I will say I think you're holding it very ill. You hold it like an ocarina. You give him one of these. You have to follow up and down. How would you hold it, the Crank King?

You want to know how the King holds it. How does the King decree it? You give me a crack pipe, some juvie, I'll play you a song of storms. Well, I'm more I'm a little more old-timey while I do it. Yeah Isn't it got a really quick way to get all the crack in your mouth Not if you do it right it's angled angled upwards, though. That's all the cracks going in there. No, I deal with the hard crack that doesn't...

You bite the end like a lollipop. The bulb. That way it crushes down. I usually munch my way through most of the pie balls with a mom and a dad. Take an ice cream cone. Did you know Ludwig has made banana bread probably like 200 times in his life.

Can I interject? That's true. I'm not fucking with you. We were having like a private, not recorded conversation. He goes, dude, dude, you know Ludwig can make banana bread? He said it to me like he has like a dark secret. And I was like, that's awesome.

Do you think that's insane? Isn't that crazy? I look at him and I believe it. I mean, he's wearing a woman's trench coat right now. No, no, no. Don't show off. So why are you trying to make this? It's a peacoat. And it looks nice.

Okay. This board member. My peacoat looks nice. This respectable business. Girl boss, can I call you that? No, you can't. You can't. And it is an upgrade from last week.

You called me pussy boy. Dude. But we're going to keep it professional. And I'm Ludwig to you. I can't you can't and it is an upgrade from last week. You called me pussy boy We're gonna keep it professional and I'm Ludwig to you. I can't You talk to me like that. What do you mean like a Ludwig to you? You just called me a girl boss Which is just true so owned debate it debate Debate one. It's a peacock. I'm so glad. I'm so glad we're calling these debates. Because, oh, no. Listen, we get your third string slop.

You're starting with the sponsors? This is the third podcast you've done today. The seventh one you've done in the past 48 hours. You're getting tricked out like you're working for a madam, perhaps, in a French house of love. Sounds fun. And you come in here and you just get all the sponsors out right away. You don't even butter us up. There's no way you drink it that fast, by the way. You're drinking

it weird. Huh? You're drinking it weird. What do you mean I'm drinking it weird? You're drinking it like a little baby sips. I own the company. He's a bigger kid trying to do what he wants. He's a bigger, stronger man than you. You want to bring up your argument? Let me show you something awesome.

You want to do it out of the crack pipe? Yeah, sure. It's a visual show. I do like the color. That's the color in my nose right now. Wait,

you want me to lace the blood, bro? Yeah. Get it over here. No, no, no. That's like adding fentanyl. That's it. It bubbles. It bubbles. That's great. Yeah, that's what it is. Ugh. It bubbles.

It bubbles. That was great. Yeah, there's still some shit left in there. It took us so long to get a shot on this podcast. We officially got him from episode 100. Welcome back to the art episode 100. 100! This is 100?

That's right. Yeah, you're 100 episodes. And we ruin it by instantly getting it demonetized and age-restricted because we have a crack pipe for the first eight minutes. No, the last one didn't. We had a lot more crack pipe this time, be fair. We'll just testing the archie will censor it like it's Jerry Springer It'll just be a big sensor with like a like a Moby huge. What's that? You just censor it with that. Thank you. What do you know that's a big deal though?

Is that a brand it is a brand of big dildo, yeah. No one has ever put that down. Why don't you just call it- Wait, was Mr. Hans the guy that got fucked to death by the horse? Yes. Okay, why doesn't his estate, his descendants perhaps, Hans Incorporated. Those pilot kids of his, how about they start a brand based on horse dicks? Like, I would- I think that'd be a great gag gift. Really? Yeah, I mean- You think the kids would- You think the kids are the father. So it's like you go to ******com or whatever, shit. That's like me having a gag gift of alcohol. You guys, like, you just the kids would you think the kids are the father so it's like you go to Calm or what a shit. That's like me having a

I'm gonna blank that bleep that you go to a dildo You slash the pirate pay and you say hey, I want to do a joint venture. This brand activation. I can't believe you're continuing on this thought. It's a bad thought. Why is it bad? The Mr. Hands fleshlight. This is like if I started a business of giving people alcohol poisoning.

Yeah, you could put the. No. Yeah. No. Yeah. Because that's not. That's just tragic. It's kind of funny to be killed by a horse having sex with you.

Tragedy is just the perspective. It's tragic on the kid's behalf. All right, write that down. Look at our king right now. He can't contain himself. He's laughing so hard. It's not funny? It's not funny.

Tragedy is just perspective. Dude. Do you think you could get the horse to put its dick into one of those wax molds? Yeah, you can get a horse to do anything. And you do. You're paying enough. What do you mean by that? What do you mean by, yeah, you can get a horse to do anything. And you pay it enough. What do you mean by that? What do you mean by, yeah, you can get a horse to do anything?

What do you mean by that? You pay a horse enough, it'll do whatever you need it to do. And what do you pay it? How do you pay the horse one, and what do you pay the horse two? You pay it in money. You give a carrot. You give them more bowling engineers. You light them up.

I just think, what if you did a flavor of your drink, but it was Eamonclaw- Eamonclaw- How's life, man? How's life? I don't know how you're doing tasting something. This is great because this makes me money. How about you do a flavor? Oh, shit. I'll give you whatever fucking flavor you want. Slime flavor. What's your flavor? What's your flavor? If you get tricked out right now, what's your flavor? I want it to be- I want it to be nasty. Actually tastes like poop flavor.

Like it literally tastes like poop and it doesn't work. Nasty hot dump drink. Big dot dump. Big dot dump. I mean, forward slash drink. We could, uh, we could call it that and we could, we could make it brown. He's never come to me with an opportunity, but it has to taste like dump. No, it can't. Well, no one would buy it. He's never come to me with an opportunity like this. But it has to taste like dumb. No, it can't. It can't. Well, no one would buy it. That's the funny part.

That's the funny part. No, it tastes like the gross Harry Potter jelly beans. It's like, well, we got to try it. Does it really taste bad? Yo, one in every 100 cans randomly is that flavor, but you don't know until you drink it. One in every 1,000 cans is actual poop. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, we had the idea together.

So I'm buying titty milk, and I want my schlatt drink, and then like one in every thousand you drink it, and you look at the bottom and it says, you got slimed. Yeah, and it's me. And you're just drinking, and you have to finish the can. It's on the underside of the cap. It's like getting ice, and you gotta

fucking drink. There's no reward at all. You just have to. It's on the underside of the cap. You only know once you bust it up. It's like getting ice and you gotta fucking... There's no reward. There's no reward at all. You just have to finish it. It has more caffeine maybe. Real quick, guys. This episode is sponsored by Juvie. No, it's not.

These are all topics that Juvie says. All their employees support. Every single employee. These are name shots talking. We're just getting the first five minutes of sponsor reads out of the way. So everything up to this point has been Juvie sponsored and the rest of the podcast is us. In your little tour, what's been your favorite one to go on? I've been filming mostly episodes of Chuckle Sandwich.

Yesterday I did Hasan's podcast, which is great if you like talking about shit you don't actually care about. Would you say that ours is the option of that? Yeah, well, I mean, you brought out the crack pipe like 30 seconds in. Oh, you're a special guest. We know that's right. We know it's a dated date. It took us out of those pussies two hours. I don't even remember what we talked about yesterday. Aw.

It was, I think it was about Hailey Bieber and then something about women's basketball. Oh, yeah. You can't see me. Well, let me tell you, we couldn't be further from talking about women's basketball in the yard because I don't know what that is. I thought you were just going to say I'm misogynist. I thought you were going to say that outright. That was a good... I thought you were done being covert about it.

They're turning women into basketballs? That was a good I thought you were done Being covert about it They're turning women Into basketballs Yeah and they made me stay For the The paywall

Part which Yeah Not a fan What would it look like If you inflated George Clooney Inflation Today is sponsored by Native

We care about our bodies That's why We try Native Are you talking about With like a bike pump Yeah if you inflated George Clooney with a bike pump Every Native product Is thoughtfully. I think he would look

Attractive it keeps you feeling smash you can Railing off as many native deodorants as you'd like you buy 34 You know what I would do I would slather an inflated George Clooney all in native sunscreen I would throw him at the Sun and see what an inflated George Clooney all in native sunscreen. And then I would throw them at the sun and see what wins. If you're watching...

I wouldn't want it to burn. Can you guys stop? If you're watching and you go to the weather app right now, you can look and it'll tell you the UV in your area.

The UV index is what determines the amount of sun rays that will pierce through your skin. And now that Nader... Sorry. Now that you should use sunscreen...

Sorry, I fell asleep because I was... Now that Native offers sunscreen, you can go outside. If you don't want to look like an old slime wrinkled up, bro's got crow's feet for his crow's feet. I want to sleep. Here's the thing. Smile, smile, smile.

You're wrinkled and crusty. Smile, yeah. You're not wrinkled. Come on, buddy. Anyway, sunscreen is like the number one thing you can use to stay youthful. I use it every day. No, you don't. Yeah, every day. No, you don't. Yeah, I do.

No, you don't. I do. No. Test me. What, do you only do smell your skin? I wear sunscreen every day. Which flavor of native sunscreen do you wear? I use unscented because I don't believe in using scented things on my skin.

I do believe in it, though. They have rosé. I would use sweet peach and nectar. Sweet peach and nectar. If you have stronger skin than me, you can use coconut and pineapple. But Native offers sunscreen, and you should use sunscreen every day. Ludwig has weak skin. He's a weak man.

Osbala could fold him up like a paper airplane. Smell and feel fresh all day long with Native. Get 20% off your first order. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com slash the yard. I would slather George Clooney. He's big for me. And he's wet for me now. The best George Clooney inflated art on our Discord or Reddit will receive free native sunscreen.

They will. Yes. We will send it to the one that Aiden only likes the most. The yard at checkout. That's nativedeo.com Slash the yard Or the yard at checkout And Aiden will filter Through all of the submissions Of George Clooney inflation

On the subreddit That is 20% off your first order That is 20% off your first order And you get a free one But Aiden has to like it So you have to pander to him And him alone I won't like it

Because we won't be looking at it You just buy the native deodorant What do you think it is Back to the episode now Just buy the native deodorant It's back to the episode time now We're flying back. You look good.

You look good. Where'd you get your sublime shirt? That's sublime, right? Yeah, it is sublime. Probably Urban Outfitters like three years ago. That's cool. I don't get new clothes. Ludwig was telling me last night that he has a little Italian guy that comes by.

That's it. He's smaller in stature, but I didn't describe him as little. He said, I have this little Italian. I didn't say that. And he used the noun, Italian. I was a little Italian. Like a Pokemon, like I release him. He kind of scuttles around

every six months and outfits me in new new robes. Is that where you got that? Yeah, so he ropes it all the way. God, cause I'd fire him. If he pulled that shit out. Wait, this peacoat looks nice. It's a nice peacoat. Did he make your peacoat? With his little Italian hands?

Can you do your Italian again? All by himself. You'll hear it again if you're lucky. Alright, sure. I only get clothes two ways. It's given to me by a sponsor or cutie, or I buy it from my little Italian man who comes every six months. He lives in a tree. And he only says his own name over and over

and over. You, look, back me up. Ezio's great I also bought clothes from them the problem with Ezio is that he's too great he's too good at his job

because they come with like four suitcases that have Mary Poppins amounts of clothes inside of them and they're phenomenal salesmen because they just

they walk around you and they're dressed really well too and I'm like hey do you want a coffee and they're like un espresso and then they put

something on you and then they just start looking they walk around you like they start circling you want a coffee? And they're like, un espresso. And then they put something on you, and then they just start looking. They walk around you. They start circling you like vultures. And they're like, ah, mon amante, ah. Corte, corte. It looks so good.

And then they just do that over and over. And it makes you feel so good about yourself. And then they tell you to feel it. It's like, isn't the material so soft? And then you're like, well, yeah. And then the name of the region in Italy, you got no fucking clue about. They'll be like, Anamortecotten. Four farmers picket.

Seven days, two string. And I'm like, fuck, that is swag. And so every time they come over, they screw me because I end up buying the ugliest shit. I bought this bright orange polo. I wore it one time. It's hideous. What? Why did you buy that one?

Because they told me I looked good. They said, bright color, good for the face. I'm losing the accent fast, but. I'm sure you would have looked good in Bon Fortuna. That was my secret reason for not coming this time. This is the first time I sent them to Ludwig alone, and I bailed because I knew they would convince me to buy something. Is this a team?

It's two guys. It's a tag team. And they play it so well. It's a good cop, bad cop. He's a bad cop. He goes, eh. What's his name? Luigi. They're all Ezio. And they got and they play it so well He's a bad cop he goes What's his name? They're all at you

But I did wear my Italian one of my Italian shirts last night one of my Italian shirts last night. Why do you keep saying it? It was Italian. Italian. You say it so weird. You're hitting the T so hard. You got a gun and one bullet.

You got Sun La and Ezio in a room. I think that's a no contest. Who are you taking out? I mean, Ezio is a partner. Sun La comes solo. Who's Sun La? It's a total language. I don't want Shlatt to know about this. You don't want Shlatt to know about this?

I don't want Shlatt to know about this because You don't want Schlatt to know about your bears? I don't want Schlatt to know about this, because you guys are going to make jokes and then Schlatt's going to piggyback off the jokes. You know what, we won't make any. Are you guys going to be chill about it? I'll be chill about it. Can we get some Boy Scouts honors? I'd appreciate that. Scouts honors. Two fingers up. I don't know what fucking Dane Cook has to do with this.

Do it or I'm not doing it. Two fingers up. Just Boy Scouts Honor. This is crass, Spider-Man. I feel like you're making me do something. I don't know what this is. Kiss it now. This is not... Kiss it. Kiss it. You have to kiss it.

Hey, two in the think. I don't... I'm gonna give you a lot more attention. Come on. Anyway, Tung Wah, otherwise known as Jackson, is a friend that I made. He's this like 50-ish year old Taiwanese man who I met when I go ride my Vespa to watch the sunset because I go watch the sunset a few

times a week and he also does walks around the sunset time so we've hung out probably like six times at sunset and we just talk about life and family what? I've remembered all of Seinfeld

me and Nick were all of Seinfeld okay me and Nick were thinking about Seinfeld at the same time yeah can I finish yeah

absolutely life and family we actually have a picture I can show you of us okay yeah I'd love to see him yeah he's super sweet

so sweet you have his number yeah yeah yeah we've shared numbers we've hung out a good amount would you guys what do you text there he is

what do you don't scroll too high there that's me and that's nice sunset isn't he handsome it was a fiery sunset day isn't he handsome

he's good looking you know he's good looking well it's not important like you'd be proud to be seen with someone that good looking yeah

I feel like you would not we're making insinuations here. How did you find him? I was... What? How did you find him? How did you uncover him?

It's going to sound corny, but it's like we found each other. Yeah. And how long have you known him? Well, about like eight months now, I want to say. Maybe a little longer, nine months. But it feels like a lifetime? It feels like a lifetime. I mean, it does feel like even though...

But it also weirdly feels like the first time we've met every time. Every time. No, it's like, you know, like you have a friend, like we have this sometimes where you don't hang out for a while, but then if you hang out, even if it's been like a month or two months, you click instantly. Yeah, it's like you never left their side. Well, I had a guy like that.

Who? Who I, you know, every time we met, it was just electric. What do you mean? Older? Who is this? Yeah. Yeah. Older guy?

Very much older. He was. Very much. Like a grandpa? Like a. He was a. He was a. Well, I was commuting into new york city every day

and he lived on the sidewalk right outside the station his name was jack okay he's an old old homeless guy and whenever i'd go down the steps it was like you know when you like hit a home run in baseball and then you're doing your your high five and everybody go down the line. He would go, hey, my man! And I'd just go, what's up, man? I'd dap him up and it was, I mean, I'm sure you know the feeling. It was special. Like a purely platonic

relationship. Yeah, that guy, he was asking you for money. That's why his hand was out. Were you slapping a man's hand in a high five motion? You were dapping up a guy who was asking you for money. And his hand was out to receive money? Yeah. See what they do to your special relationship? I see where this is going.

I see where this is going. I don't think, okay, Ludwig's thing is funny, and we do make fun of it, but I genuinely think you... It's funny, it's sensual. It's sensual, it's beautiful. It's high, it's passionate. It's passionate. It's not passionate.

But with Wieschle, I feel like he was legitimately, that man was saying, hey, I'm homeless. He was saying, hey, you got five? And he's like, yes sir, brother. And he's slapping his... And I feel like... I got five right here. I got five right here. I feel like that was a misunderstanding. Well, I knew him for about eight months, like your piece, and then... Whoa. And then... I feel like you got the wrong idea. like your piece and It got really cold and it became winter and then I never saw him again Yeah, one day just he just wasn't there anymore. I don't know if he moved stations or he died

Don't show to that Thing why would you say that city? Oh, and then you have a business idea for his family to that. He probably died. That's a terrible thing. Why would you say that? It's cold in New York City. Oh, and then you have a business idea for his family to use? Are you crying? Are you crying? I get it. I get it. Wow.

I think Ludwig does get it. What it could be is New York's one of the only cities in America that's legally obligated to provide shelter to all the homeless people in it. So maybe he just went to... I hope. Why do they mean like this? I don't know why they mean like this. Because they don't have...

They don't have what we have. We have. What we have. He's crying. There's a tear. How did you cry? Why did you cry? Because maybe you guys were hurtful, right?

Like, maybe you should look inwards while you cried. You know what? Schlatt brought his A-game. I cannot be upset that Schlatt is on his seventh podcast because he came onto our show and he fucking cried. Don't look bad. I think that'll make you feel better.

How about you bring your A game and you apologize? A for apologies. Me? Yeah. What did I do? I think you know. Maybe do apologize. A for apologizing.

It's a death thing. Dude, he has more tears in his eyes. Give him an apology so we can move on. Look at him. Jason Schlatt. Timothy Schlatt. I am sorry for insinuating that your friend, that your beloved. Say his name.

It was Samuel? No one's going to tell you. You have to remember. Otherwise, you weren't listening. Jack? Tom? Tommy? Nick literally said it.

It's also the same as Tsung Law's American name, Jackson. That's an easy way to remember. Non-tonal language Jack is probably alive. How do you just cry in command? You're talented. No, I'm just a sociopath.

When's the last time you cried FR? BFFR right now. We want you to BFFR. I get an email at midnight from a finance tracking app. Oh, my God. It's just simply a number as the subject line with either a plus or minus and then a number based on how much your net worth has changed. And one day there were six numbers and a big minus sign.

What happened? And you cried? Yeah, I cried. Shloddy's a man of habit. Wow. And we were at dinner and he tells me about this app. And he's like, yeah, it's like a wealth tracking app. You should get it.

I check it every day. And I'm like, doesn't that, because you can't do anything about it. He's like, yeah. You can. It's just. I try every day. I'm like doesn't that because you can't do anything about it. He's like oh, yeah, you can It's just I try every day wait. What wealth does it track just your funds like how much money you? Connect your back sets equity yeah, that's crazy. It's like YouTube stats, but for your bread your network 10 out of 10 Maybe I'll stay in bed. Because this hurts.

Yeah. But yeah, that was the last time I genuinely... Do you think that you have a brain worm? Do you think there's a worm in your brain? Making your thoughts and controlling your feelings. They have those in Texas. You've heard of them, right? Little levers. That's only when we lose power.

The brain worms? The worms have to power the city. We don't have... Our power can go out, and we don't get help. Right? You all go to Terry Black's. We're on our own grid. You're all privatized.

When shit goes down, you can't call daddy. You put two wires at a Terry Black's brisket, it's like an onion. Power an iPod for an hour. So when the purification system goes down, that's when you get the brain-eating amoebas. And there are, you can look that up, Texas brain-eating amoebas. But it's okay if you drink them.

It's only if they go through the nose that they'll eat your brain. That's not true. It is true. That's not true. It is true. It is true. I'm glad you backed me up even though you don't know. I do know.

Because your girlfriend has the same fear of these amoebas as I did. Oh, you had a fear of them? Yep. You were scared of the amoebas? Yeah, there's like amoebas that can live in the water. And that's why you don't like go swimming in creeks and ponds and shit. Because if you eat them, they die in your mouth. I still eat the water.

But if they go in your nose, there's like a small chance that they go into your brain and you're done. They literally eat your brain like it's soup. Yeah that they go into your brain and you're done. They literally eat your brain like it's soup. Yeah, they have a 97% kill rate. Wow, that's pretty high. And I knew about that independently of her. And when she started talking about the brain worms Cutie did, I was like, oh, those? And we bonded over that. I'll take a little worm.

She thought she had it for a month. I never thought I had it. She thought she had brain-eating amoebas for a month? That's so long. That's It's a small worm work you don't Numbers are Spanish. Yeah, just take a little nibble every day. It's like a little slow burn. They get full quick. They get a little bite.

Do they poop in your head too, I wonder? I don't know. That's what kills you, actually. It's the poop, not the eating. Yeah, that's true. It's a common misconception. Slimes poop brain worm food for your mouth. That's the flavor.

That's not a good sense of that. I'm sorry. That was great. This drink has brain worms in it flavor. What was your, can I ask a question? What was your first impression of Ludwig ever? Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. Like the first time you ever saw or noticed him

online, most likely. He was streaming Minecraft to probably low hundreds of people. And I saw his blonde hair and I said yep, this is a Twitch type. He's probably in LA. Is this an earthquake by the way?

It's wind, pussy boy. If I give him a moon rock he'll become a YouTuber. Yeah. Touch him with the YouTube stone and he turns into what, fucking Amrak? What's wrong guys? If the world ends right now I'm sorry, i kicked you again

i'm not worried about the world ending earthquakes are a fun event they are fun anyway so you saw me playing minecraft and then i was also streaming minecraft at the time and i compared how good you were to how good i was and i wasn't satisfied but. But then, you know, we did the Twitch Jeopardy thing and you had some charisma there. And so I kind of took you under my wing. A Riz pickup. Is that how you viewed it? A Riz pickup.

You took him under your wing like a baby bird. Listen. Like an eagle. It would be dishonest to say that I didn't have some kind of effect in jumpstarting your career. Give me a few bookmarks if you think that's the case. I always thought of him as kind of like your mentor. Kind of like a Ludwig before Ludwig.

Yeah. Protege mentor relationship. Yeah. Like you would have had probably nothing without him. That seems bold. I remember when I messaged you, Lud, you've seen this probably nothing without it. That seems bold. I remember when I messaged you, Ludd, you've seen this new game, Jump King? No way.

No way. Really? You put him on? I said, you should play this. Yo, Ludd, I saw this free Asian Valorant team. You should pick it up. Wait, did he put you on a Jump King? No.

Well, hold on. Well, that would mean our guest is a liar. Wait, he just cried in front of us. Yes, I did. I don't know if I'm getting gaslit. It's really hard to tell with him. You're the only person that knows. Look me in the eyes.

Look me in the eyes. You put me on a jump king? I did. I messaged you saying, Ludd, this would be perfect. Right up your alley. No, no, no. You wouldn't say a message like that.

Why don't you remember? I wouldn't say a message like that. Well, he's certain and you are uncertain. You would be like, this is right up your alley, chief. You're going to crush this one. I don't you remember? I wouldn't say a message like that. Well, he's certain and you are uncertain. You would be like, this is right up your alley, chief. You're going to crush this one. I don't say chief. I hate when people say chief. You wouldn't say right up your alley.

You're more of the chief type. No, I'm a buddy guy. I hate that just as much. I know. Buddy is the chief of the East. Of the white. Of the white. I feel myself shrinking every time someone calls me buddy.

As if they, like, do you have a fucking tracker and get an email every night no that you should just turn those emails off do you forward it to viewers that talk shit to you i love the emails no i don't they're my own little treat oh they're like can i see yesterday's report yeah okay and while you do this i'll bring up a few things on the schlatt resume to back up his argument i don't think he did jump king i think it's report yeah okay and while you do this i'll bring up a few things on the schlatt resume to back up his argument i don't think he did jump king i think it's a lie okay but he does have the most viewed youtube video i've ever uploaded which is a short on my clip channel it has 45 mil or something which is just me reacting to him it's kind of like oh my god congratulations on march 29th big big guy. What is this?

What is accruing here? Oh my God. Yesterday. Yesterday. That is not April Fool's. Was yesterday good? That's a great day yesterday. I must have missed that one.

Oh my God. What are... Wow. What are you looking at? Holy. Can you share with the class, please? I'm looking at his entire net worth in a final number Which is just a crazy thing to see cuz I don't know that about myself

I want to say I don't have that you guys don't click in only Ludge should be clicking in so what is it? How are you earning? That's just his daily changes dude. What the fuck? That's a big plus. Oh, it's a beginning the month That's crazy. Definitely some shit rolls in. That was a good day some wires came in there Anyway Definitely some shit rolls in. That was a good day. Some wires came in that time. Anyway, he has the most viewed short. He also had the most viewed video on my channel and still does if you exclude the Mr. Beast one. Yeah. And, I mean, that's...

Let me ask you this. He also was part of the original Twitch show. Hypothetically, I'm going to ask both of you this question. If neither of you existed, where would you be today? Ludwig, you go first. If Jay Slade never existed, I'm talking be today? Ludwig, you go first. If Jay Shlatt never existed, I'm talking to you. This is a stupid question. Why?

If neither of you existed, where would you be? No, no, sorry, sorry. If neither of you were real, how real would you be? In my world where Ludwig doesn't exist. Yes. Precisely. See how difficult he can be? If I didn't know Shlatt.

If Shlatt wasn't even around. No, if he ever was real, ever. He was never real. Yeah. I'd be in this chair. You'd be in this chair. To be honest, I think we would both have found success on our own, because I think you are a very talented individual.

Thanks. Me as well. No, you'd be coding for sure. Yeah. I would be... You'd be having a boot camp. I'd be still working in. Yeah, I would be. I would be. You'd be happy with your boot camp. I'd still work in New York City. Coding?

I did tell him. If I could not code, his hands are too big. I've got to be one of the first people to have told you to quit college. Wait, you told him to quit college? See, I think I was just getting the emails and the numbers were going up at that point. Yeah, you got it. This guy's addicted. Fuck it.

Yeah, I think you're an actual brain worm. He's just content. He's just content. He's just content brain. And now you get an email every day that tells you how worthful or worth less you are.

And you shouldn't have swam in that. In my mood, and whether or not I consider that day a good one, solely depends on whether or not

that email has a plus or minus. That's crazy. That's no way to live, Schlatt. Well, no, because then he's got to have some good days. Are you plus EV? Do you want to have a child, Schlatt?

Yeah. Yeah, are you going to train him to have a brain worm? He comes home and he gives a report on if he is plus or minus that day. And then Schlatt. Kiddos, down the scale. Look at your numbers. What did you earn today? Kiddos, you haven't gotten taller today. Bad day.

For Christmas, during the month of December, my parents would rank my behavior on a calendar. We called it a star chart. You did a little gold star thing? Yeah. Yeah, my mom did this too. But only for December? Yeah, because that's when Santa comes. Present month.

Damn, it's annual? It was an annual thing? Yeah, it was an annual thing. That's crazy. But did it go back to January? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How was he in January? Or was it just December?

No, no, no, just December. Just December. So you could have done some crazy bad shit in November, slates clean come December 1st. Pretty much. That's good. Pretty much. That's fair.

Okay. That is fair. A system is only a system if it has rules. Did this translate into consequences? Did you have a bad year one year? Yeah. I don't think I ever didn't get presents, but I'm sure,

you know, one like in 2008. Yeah. They probably said, Hey, not as many this year because your behavior. Cause your behavior, but it was actually because people were making synthetic CDOs.

Yeah. That, that it wasn't your fault. Actually. Like the big short. Oh, the big short. Yeah. It was, the wasn't your fault, actually. It's like the Big Short. Oh, the Big Short. It's true. The economy was in a weird place.

You just watched the Big Short last month. You just watched the Big Short. His behavior was really bad from 2008 to 2009. I mean, I've got the whole archive somewhere. I could find him. Were you born in 2000? No. Do you remember 9-11?

I was there. Oh, my God, yeah. Where were you? Dude, how you remember 9-11? I was there. Oh my god, yeah. Where were you? Dude, how was it? New York. New York City. I was in a doctor's office in New York City. Were you in Manhattan?

Both of my parents were in Manhattan. Whoa. And my uncle was a first responder. Holy shit. That's crazy. Yeah. Number five. Yeah, my uncle worked on the pile for about a month after.

Just pulling out rubble and steel beams and finding little items. Well, no humans. Well, definitely. No humans died in that accident. That's 2,996 I want to say. It was an accident. Stars really aligned that day. I'll be the first to say that. Hopefully you started from a

Biscoff cookie argument. Three, believe it or not, three, no, five consecutive Biscoff cookie arguments on four different planes. It was a rough day for a lot of people who got a bad email. They fucked Delta, am I right?

You know what I mean? No, they were American Airlines, right? We're at different airlines. They were all different airlines. That's so smart. You know what I mean? No, they're American Airlines, right? We're at different airlines. They were all different airlines. That's so smart. Kudos to the team behind that masterpiece. Dude, Osama loves you.

The yearly review. Shut up. The one guy in the room for like five years before who was like, it should probably be different airlines. So I was like, yeah, okay, sure. This is my jump king. That's Osama. Look, I say silent

during these portions and I just hope that our editor makes sure to silence us. Ludwig's podcast. Actually, okay, Archie, can I get a picture and picture of Ludwig's

expression during that whole past bit? Archie, put me in and it's over. Podcast is over. I'll protect you, Archie. He doesn't know what you look like. That's not true.

He said it with a confused face. He's met Archie. I just don't think I could tell British people apart in a lineup. So you're fine with horse pedophiles, but not 9-11 was an accident? Why are you throwing horse pedophiles? No, I didn't say I was fine with that. You said that earlier. I did.

I never said I'm fine. Pull up the clip where I said yeah, I'm fine with horse pedophiles. He's fine with that. Horse pedophiles. Don't clip it or ship it. Crack King, you snored too much today. What would you want this podcast to be if not for these topics? What would you want it to

be? Lord Ludwig, with your beautiful woman-like clothing? Don't laugh at that. Well, Ludwig, if you want to come back on one of my shows, I'd be happy to have you. Is this a segue? What show? Is there a punchline? Yeah, so recently I started a podcast.

It's called Did Schlatt Win? It's my third podcast. There's no free lunches here. And it's basically a debate show, a humorous debate show in which I engage with a guest on some silly little topics, and we just argue about them for a bit. And then at the end, the audience can vote. And we have a Twitter account called Did Schlatt Win? So did you know you lifted this idea from that beautiful person right there? I told him this.

I only discovered that when we were done recording. I'm telling you, in a world where I don't exist, you're not doing content. Well, no. That's not true. I would, if you didn't exist, there's probably a higher likelihood I'd still be a computer scientist, but. Mark my words. We were at TwitchCon 2019.

Minuscule. I am at a lunch with Schlatt. And at the lunch, he's talking about- 101? 101? No, it's me, him, Connor, FitMC, and myself. And then he's telling me how he wants to finish his comp side degree. And I'm looking at him. He's getting more traction than I am.

I'm full time at this point. I'm like, that's dumb. You should quit. And he's like, he's like- That's so tight at this point I'm like that's dumb you should quit and he's like I kind of want to finish on my degree just as like a backup you sound like a pussy boy TwitchCon was late September of 2019

I had dropped out 5 days before Kipo he calls Kipo on that what's Kipo you said you wanted to finish still you said you had paused He calls Kipo on that. What's Kipo? He's saying it's a Twitch emote. You said you wanted to finish still. You said you had paused. At that point, you had paused.

Yes, I was on leave of absence. I was on leave of absence. But you had planned to finish, and I said, don't finish. Never go back. Okay. But I had already made the biggest decision, which was putting a pause on it. So, I mean, I would have figured out he made you. What's the percentage point?

You said it was a minuscule point. Probably less than a percent. I'll take that. I'd still be making money doing this. Less than a percent of that number I saw is a good number. I think also you're addicted to making money, so you always would have made it. You would have became a coder and then, you know,

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In my net worth. That's mintmobile.com. I have $5,000. You get your new wireless radio. It's $15 a month. Because I need that. Because $5,000 is not a lot of money at 32 years old. Mintmobile.com.

And how about this? Brian Reynolds. if you're hearing any of this is because we did a bad job if you want to talk this is the filler this is from the future mint mobile is 15 a month it's on the largest 5g network you go to mint mobile.com slash the yard and they'll ship you your sim card will come to your home if you're hearing this we fucked up the ad read brian reynolds but he the dog from Family Guy, and he's also the Green Lantern, and a little jerked off to Van Wilder when he was younger. And it's on the fastest 5Ds network.

Brian Reynolds, but he's the dog from Family Guy, and I'm still jerking off. Because that's my go. Subscribe to Brian Reynolds. Oh, speaking of putting people on, I put you on. The monkey with the ball statue. Did I not? No, that was another friend of mine named Nopify.

Really? Who also sent that to me like that same week really you sent it to me and i was like i saw this like a day ago damn i thought it was i thought i got the jump but i yeah i sent schlack because he loves that picture of the ape with a huge ball you owe me a big huge ball statue that's true why we did a little bro versus bro and i put up jackie chan and you put up a ball statue oh that's? Why? We did a little bro versus bro and I put up Jackie Chan and you put up a ball statue. Oh, that's right. What was the game? What was the state?

It was bro versus bro. It was bro versus bro. Yeah, he bet Jackie Chan. There's the whole nine games. Oh, yeah. We went to game nine, played rock, paper, scissors. It was tense.

It was tense at the end. I was stressed out. Were you thinking, man, I want to say goodbye to Jackie? I was actually really stressed out about losing Jackie. It was hard enough to get into the fucking states. Jackie needs to go. Yeah. What the fuck? I don't say goodbye to Jackie. I was actually really stressed out about losing Jackie Yeah, it was hard enough to get in the fucking States Jackie needs to go. Yeah, what?

There's nothing that gives me greater joy than someone coming to my house saying hey Can I get a house tour and I bring him to downstairs and I walk and I'd be like yep This is where I stream and then they walk in and they go Every time they're like well that scared me and I'm like, yeah, that's Jackie. And they're like, wow, it looks so real. It's always that. It's always the same. I've had that 30 times. I love it every time.

I think I did that, too. Yeah. I didn't know Jackie was there. He terrifies the soul. Yeah, the monkey statue I owe you is sitting comfortably on my coffee table. Do you like it? Wait, the statue is on your table? Yeah, so that whole saga happened.

I bought like four of them. Dude. It was a mistake. Can you say that now? They were a lot of money, right? What do you mean it was a mistake? Why would it be a mistake to own four monkey balls? Because every video he made got insta-demonetized.

They did very poorly because of that. They did. And then it lost a lot of money because of the cost of the statues. Put it on male living spaces. No, well, I... It's on grailed. No, we released merch for the statues. Put it on male living spaces. No, well, I... It's not grailed. No, we released merch for the statue, and the merch paid for it. Did it do well?

Yeah, and more. And more. There was a big plus that day. Jesus Christ. What was one of the pluses and the minuses? I didn't know you were so diseased. Your brain is shaped like a piggy bank. There's nothing wrong with this.

I think every person in default capitalist society thinks this way, but you have like notifications for it. And that's the poison. You're drinking the poison. Here's my thing. I am perfectly happy with being miserable for about two more years. And then I will take that big number and I will disappear. He's 23? Yeah. Are you miserable's 23? Yeah.

Are you miserable right now? Very. Why? Because this is the sixth podcast I've done. No one's forcing you. You're acting like we fucking pulled you in on like a chain, like a lion. But he's working the circuit to move the number up. I'm happy to be here because this gets number up.

Do you really think that this is going to shift the numbers for you? You think doing the Yard podcast is going to shift the numbers? Well, if you'd let me complete my pitch, because I keep getting derailed. Well, you stole an idea from that beautiful man over there. All right, let's talk topics hotter than odds. And then you brought up the fucking monkey balls. I can't monetize that anymore. The monkey statue, the big monkey statue has been in a storage unit for a year and a half.

I need to get him in my house. Last to leave the monkey balls wins it. Ooh. Like Mr. Has to deal with it. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not like Mr. Beast where it's like, hey, we'll buy this back from you.

It's like, nope, you have to get it and pay the taxes on it and deal with the shipping of it. You pass it to your children. But it's art, so you can devalue it arbitrarily. This is only worth $1 because I'm the monkey statue man. And then, well, really? I feel like that would be illegal. Yeah.

No. Most things are. Most things are illegal. That doesn't feel like a- Have you thought about that, Chase Lott? I guess that's true. There's an infinite amount of things that are illegal. That's what I'm saying. Yo. I was upset because my podcast, and just to get back on to my talking points.

This guy wants to watch a yard podcast. I had won every single episode of my pod before Ludwig came on. I had debated with Jack Manifold about dogs versus cats. You're a British kid. Swagger Souls about being short versus being tall Tall is clearly better Wait, you took tall? I took tall

Oh, so you took the Swagger Souls beat a British person And a 100-0 matchup Yeah, like what the fuck is going on Swagger Souls, by the way, is short Yeah, but I think it's It's more interesting Sorry, go ahead

Well, that's what I'm saying It's like so free It's free If it's like someone 6'6 being like short's better That's freelo I think they have like better arguments That's what I'm saying. It's like so free. It's free. If it's like someone's 6'6", being like short's better, I think they have like better arguments. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. I took... You just bullied somebody.

I took on... Well, that's the fun of it. I took on Tommy in it afterwards, butchered him. British kid again. In three different arguments. Butchered. What was the... British people, man.

How many holes does a straw have? Okay. Wow, you really did bite the show. Yeah. Did you do his cereal soup? That's crazy. We'll talk about that. With Tommy, it was how many holes in a straw.

I won with two. We did hot versus cold. I won with cold. And then strongest animal, and I won with the pistol shrimp. I want you to know, by the way, this is a fucking farce and a scam. And what he did to Tommy is disrespectful because we had recorded before his recording with Tommy, two of those same debates, the strongest animal and the straw holes. And then we did cereal soup.

And when I tell you, no, this never saw the light of day because his recording broke. But he lost those arguments so soundly. Not to the point where during the straw argument, he changed his stance from. And this is a real argument. He had infinite holes to, I don't know, maybe two. Definitely not one, though. It was just a practice run. Wow.

He got torched. You're the practice girl for him Yeah And then he saw all those holes in his argument after I you're like the right the destiny of his show after I patched After I patched the holes in the straw debate you said how do you patch infinite holes? You said after we were done recording you said uh, huh? You're really lucky you switch arguments there. I didn't. I didn't really like that towards the end. You're so shit, I was being nice. Meaning I won the argument.

No, you did not win. And it's unfortunate that we lost all the audio and we'll never know. I do think it's funny if you had a show, a debate show, one-on-one, and it runs for like 100 episodes, like our show the hundredth episode right now yeah and and every single one is you just taking like this fucking absolute insane favorite position that you could never lose and a hundred episodes is like schlatt wins again what can i say i'm gonna be arguing for the allies well this is why this is why is why I was kind of pleased

to see that Ludwig had won on all accounts. The reveal here is I swept him. The reveal is that, yeah, we argued about three things. He is currently winning all three of them. What do you mean currently? It's not going to change. Currently winning all three. This is ongoing. The only thing that decides this

is the vote on Twitter. Oh, that sucks. You can run an insane campaign if you're ever in a bad spot. Exactly. To be clear, I swept him. On Twitter too? I swept him on Twitter. That's the only thing that you can sweep on.

I see. He swept me on Twitter. And this, I'm kind of happy because at the end of the day, I mean, I was blowing out everybody. You needed this? You needed to be humbled? And the Twitter, everybody on Twitter was like, oh, this is Schlatt's show. All the Schlatt people are just coming out in droves, and they're going to, I mean, the

votes are in. Like, they have a dumb opinion. I think it sounds pretty true. Yeah. But, I mean, this- But now this legitimizes it. Right, yeah. Now it is a legitimate show in which I am five and three.

Yeah, you failed and that demonstrated that, hey, there are stakes here. It's not going to be 100th. You have kryptonite. It's the French. Yeah, it's the French. Maybe. It's dudes that look like Guile. Look at you.

I realize that my debating is mostly using logical fallacies and I use them pretty well. You do. You do. You do. And I actually would like to get lessons, because you pissed me the fuck off. Yeah. That whole recording, I was pissed off, and you stayed cool, calm, and collected.

I can tell you're mad. And that's why you won. Yeah. That's why you won. Showing emotion is insolence. I like how you're proudly using logical fallacies, like, yeah, I'm a straw man, man. Like that.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm an ad honoman in Maine. For sure. So he jumped straight to it at one point he got really mad you see you went on a rant you're like

you fucking stupid ass pinhead tiny little middle squeak yeah dude this is he's like me he argued very dishonestly

and I made sure he knew that he does that but he won I won the argument so I wasn't dishonest and honestly I'm glad he did nothing dishonest about a dub

you can fight your way out any way you can as long as as the audience votes for you. Exactly. Exactly. And that's why this show is more fun than actual debates, like a Hassan stream. You know what told me about this show? Yeah. Who loves it?

Who? Out of the blue, I was having a call with COO of Mogul Moves, Nick Allen. He's like, by the way, I love that Schlatt show. Trick Allen himself. Don't call him Trick Allen. With his big old huge dumper. What? That is so sexually inappropriate.

Why is it sexually inappropriate? Tell me why. Because you just said. Does he not have a huge dumper? All right, say the same thing about Anna right now. Go. Who's that? Oh, really?

You're going to pretend we don't have women at the company. Who is that? You understand why it would be bad to do with certain people. So you shouldn't apply it to other people We call him thick Allen stop Whispers you have to treat everybody at the company with a little dignity and respect no trick Allen's or thick Allen's Need a PR firm let's see why We need an HR firm. I'm HR. No, you're not

He's not HR I saw Stop offering insurance We got it. If I got a job working for you, what would I do? What would you do for me? Yeah, are you by the way before we end this you guys can check out my podcast at DigiSlatWin on YouTube and Spotify. Yeah, I mean, I haven't promoted a chocolate sandwich. It's crazy to have a child that you hate. How dare you? Well, I didn't promote my other podcast.

Sleep deprived. Why? Because this... Because you have favorites. And some are winners. You gotta Pikachu promote. You gotta Pikachu promote. You can't promote so many.

I came with two talking points. Two separate verticals. Exactly. You get it. It's about verticals. And that's why you're the guy in charge. Do you think that you can jump higher than Ludwig? No.

I don't think I've jumped in five years. You are the epitome of twink death. What is twink death? He's not close to it. I'm sorry. Can you speak on this? To be clear twink death. What is twink death? He's not close to it. I'm sorry. Can you speak on this? Whoa, whoa, whoa. To be clear, he was.

What is this? I don't know what this is. Twink death is someone who looks like a twink and then no longer looks like a twink. I was very fuckable back in the day. And he used to look not so fuckable. They're different points, but, I mean, supple. Careful, careful now. He's not that old, so be careful.

Are you saying you're not fuckable now? No. I made myself unfuckable. Why? Because I was tired. I was tired. Become hideous. I was tired.

Can you look up schlatt tired? I'm sure it comes out raw. Well, there's two reasons. The first is that I was tired of people having me as their profile picture and acting like I was cute.

I absolutely fucking hated that. Oh my God. And the second was that I turned 21 and I had my first sip of alcohol because I was very straight edge. And then I realized, oh, this is awesome. Yeah. And so I gained probably 80 pounds.

80 pounds? Because of alcohol. Yeah. That's a lot of calories for sure. None of it was gym. It was all just beer. It was, no, it was hard liquor. Yeah.

Yeah. The first time... I think we said this a long time ago. The first time me and Aiden met you, you had just done some sort of drinking thing. What was he doing? That doesn't surprise me. You did some stream

where he was just drinking the whole time. We came in and you immediately offered us a whiskey. You were doing some sort of show or stream where you get drunk. It was good. And you came in the door 45 minutes after we got there knocking

and you were wasted and you were like, hey, what's up guys? And we sat on the couch and we watched, was it Drake and John? We watched iCarly. No, we watched iCarly

for about two hours. Cinema. With you wasted. That was a great weekend. You don't remember this. That was a good time. It sounds like you don't remember this because you're searching

with your eyes. It was a whole, I mean, that whole period of weight gain was nothing short of a blur. Can you look up 2019 Jay Shlott? Yeah. Maybe 2018, 2019? 2019. So you keep the Stan culture at bay. Yeah, and also I love liquor, but it's probably the liquor more so than anything else that

really got me to where I am now. Checking your phone. There it is. Wow. Oh, my God. You look like a different human being. Wait, is that you in the top right? That's not you.

That's not me in the top left. That's not me. This is all him. That's crazy. Do you have siblings? That is crazy. That's what I'm saying. Twink death.

Wow. I started face-apping myself once I started gaining weight Aiden can you can you confirm twink death yeah is that was he a twink there resident bisexual yeah the king the king decrees that this twink has died he was a twink I do declare remember when we were on love and well over a host yeah I do

I made it to top three that was a fun one based on pure gladiatorial riz and then you know who it went down to head to head at the end of it

who you and Fedmeister oh yeah I remember that oh my god the two greats Jay Schlein and Fedmeister the best to ever do it hand in hand dude jousting in the coliseum to this day Oh my god. The two greats. Jay Schleim and Fedmeister.

The best to ever do it. Hand in hand. Dude jousting in the Coliseum. To this day, it's 1A, 1B. We can't think about one without thinking about the other. How do you pick? How do you pick? That dude had a TV in his background that said Fedmeister on it. I want to make sure I never forget it

You think Fed's numbers Going up You think he's checking the app He doesn't know about that app The thing is you gotta have bread coming and going To know about the app itself You know what I mean

Teacher said to keep my eyes on my own paper The app itself is expensive You know what you should do for a video? Video idea. Tell me this is good. Cause he always shits all over my ideas with his, with his people. He does shut down ideas. Like insanely a lot.

Okay. And he doesn't value me. Yeah. And that's why I'm offering you a job with house venture. Give me the damn idea. You get forklift certified for a video. Legitimately. Wait, no, we get forklift certified for a video. Anditimately. Wait, no. We get forklift certified

for a video, and then we lift pallets of your drink, and then we crash it. And then we die. He's trying to make fun of me. And then we make snow angels in the powder. He's trying to make fun of me, but that's a good idea. That's fine. If you want

any amount of the powder, I can send you the powder. Send us 40 gallons. Don't do it. If you want any amount of the powder, I can send you the powder. Send us 40 gallons. Don't do it. Where do they make the powder? You are the king of getting stuff. Send us all the powder, but I want it in one big drum. Okay. Where do you make the powder?

Columbia. Yeah, where does the powder come from? Where's the powder factory? Are you using child labor? Come on, Schlatt. Where's the powder factory? Listen, let me reach across theatt. Where's the powder factory? Hey, listen. Let me reach across the aisle.

That's a good phrase. I have no idea where we make that shit. No idea. You have no idea where you make the powder? No, I have no idea. Are you crushing up kid bones in Peru? Oh, wow. Sorry, that's all right.

Bug zapper, go. Bug zapper, put it on the board. Where's the powder? Did I give it to you? You gave it to Slime. He said, here, you can have this. Let's see where we make it. Let's see where we make it.

Taiwan. Taiwan, I bet. Taiwan? It's not a semiconductor. It'd be like... I'm going China. Do you know how to read? You're staring at the... It's like a...

The runic symbol. It is funny. I'll find it for you man yeah I mean if you want to work with my company in any capacity I mean

you have to be okay with child labor is getting forklift certified for a video funny no why probably not doesn't it have to say it

why doesn't it not say it a whole lot of of work so I'm just gonna recognize like a lot of people get forklift certified, right? Yeah. It's not like a unique thing? Oh it's not. Are any of us? Checkmate pussy boy. How many people are forklift

certified Zipper? Look it up. What's your guess guess guess guess guess guess go go go. 3000 forklift certified forklift certifications. That is the dumbest thing you've ever fucking said in your life. In this great country the United States of America. That's the dumbest. 3000? That's gotta be hundreds of thousands. Yeah 100% Shlatt. Dude it's the dominant. 3,000? That's gotta be hundreds of thousands. Yeah, 100% flat. There.

Dude, it's so many. There's 400,000 more than what you said. I would have said 300,000. You're off an insignificant number amount. I thought... I... Hey, you know what? I guess they're fucking handing them out.

Dude, forklift certification has a better male to female ratio than our podcast fucking does. 28, 18%. It was 88 to 12. Maybe we, are we the forklift drivers of podcasts? What's your viewership breakdown for women versus men? Similar. Yeah.

88 to 12? Yeah. Is it all the gunplay? Is it when you have the Glock on stream? It's, it's... I can look right now and see what the split is, but I want to say it's 80-something to 10-something. Mine's about 88-12. Yeah.

Still? Yeah. I'm probably a little more female than you. Ours is like a slightly, slightly higher. Ours is like 15%. Thanks, Aiden. Yeah, it's all Aiden, who is mother, apparently. Aiden?

No, I got a lot of... People said I was mother. You're not fucking... No, I don't know, bro. People said Aiden. Yeah, it's all Aiden, who is mother, apparently. Aiden? No, I got a lot of... People said I was mother. You're not fucking... No, I don't know, bro. People said Aiden was mother. No, they said... 80% male, 16% female, 3.7% user specified. That's pretty good.

Do you... That's not pretty good shit. It's bad. It's bad. What the fuck are you talking about? For a male creator, it's way better. For our circles it's good. Yeah. Yeah. Our bar is low. That's obviously what I'm referring to. It's bad. Very low bar. We can't all be Sykuna. What do you fucking want? If I were to...

You know he wears diapers. Really? Oh, he doesn't. Don't listen to him. Yeah, no, he wears diapers. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. If I were to work for... What was that was that off brand or mogul moves sure what would i do what would my what would my job be are you jay schlatt or are you like you're you but you're not say say i got no social poll anymore okay so you i call him brick it's a hard it's a hard world i'm gonna like have a convo with you and i'm gonna get i'm gonna hire an outside hr company why don't i hire an internal hr person from up in the air

george cluny to talk to me and you can't call him kendrick you got hey tess you gotta stop calling him that's my george allen we're gonna hit ben hit Benedict's casino and we're gonna be really nice to that older fella who runs the company it's hard to say it's hard to live in this universe

where you have social you don't have social pull and I do seems backwards right but if we're in this universe I don't know

are you a good worker do you ever have a job what was your last job you subs right subs you making subs? Subs? Sandwiches? No, no.

I was working at a deli, but I was in the freezer. I bring a winter coat to work every day, and I would stock the drinks from the back. So usually, I don't know if any of you know this. We'll talk to them. Those fridge doors at delis and stuff, there's a huge freezer behind them where all the drinks are stacked up. I would sit behind it. There's usually a person in there. And so if you reach your arm through an empty one, you could potentially make a new friend.

Wow. Yeah. I would sit back there. And you were the freezer man. Wow. I was a freezer man. Sometimes I would- What an honest living.

Sometimes I would wait to fill an empty one until someone's right there. And I'd just fling a drink down. And they'd go, ah! And that was my front. Was it some fucking Brooklyn fucking deli? Yeah. And it's like some fucking fat cunt named Sal. Give me a sloppy joe.

And he was your boss. That's what they say. And that fucking fat, greasy piece of shit. Give me a cunt sandwich. With extra slop and crud. It was almost a stereotypically accurate New York deli that I worked at. Hey, Schlatt, get the fuck over here. And suck my fucking dick.

Suck my fat balls. I would do the freezer. I would crush up the cardboard and all the boxes and throw them out. I hate breakdowns. I hate breakdowns. I like it. I thought it was therapeutic. Breakdowns fun.

They're going to make a joke that I'm autistic right now. If you're good at it. Nobody was thinking that. Nobody was thinking that. You joked about it. I just like pointing. I was pointing at you because I thought that was respectable. If you're good at breaking down boxes, it's almost an art.

Thank you, Jason. I like making pizza boxes. You're making it like full. You got to focus. Oh, yeah, that's fun. You get really fast at it. Yeah, you get good at it. You get good at the Texaco.

Yeah, you get fast at it because it's like the same thing. You do it over and over again. But it's fun because you get better at it's like the same thing. You do it over and over again. But it's fun because you can learn it. It's fun. I would say if you had a job at Mogul Moves, if you finished your engineer degree, I'd imagine it'd be something like auto because you're very content-built.

You'd be under auto. Auto would be your boss. Okay. Because you'd probably have a good idea because you've consumed so much YouTube in your youth that that would be a skill set that you should utilize. Wait, auto would be his boss? I don't think he's fucking more qualified than Otto.

You'd be akin to Otto. He'd be your creative consultant for YouTube videos. Well no, cause this is assuming he is shlat, but he's not shlat. He does not have the creative pull, so he presumably failed at that front. But he doesn't need pull to come up with creative ideas. What if I had, what if I fell off? Yeah. And I came crawling to you looking for a job you're out of work the

number's been going down for months so now we're in reality so I think if you okay so if we're in reality it's now but you felled off yeah I think I'd make you a spokesperson okay brand ambassador yeah yeah he and he would just do like you just do like you just do like Billy Mays style he'd get winded all over the country. He'd basically be like an account representative. I'm a sweet talker. You're a sweet talker. I could be taking out to dinner.

I can't talk now, but I'd be taking out to dinner. You'd be putting me on private jets. You'd go to BOA every night. Every night. And you'd be pitching at new holes. Even on Boa Steakhouse. Is that where we went? This is that high end shit that I'm not familiar with. Is that where we went?

Yeah. He gave me his pants to wear. Oh, yeah, yeah. And the doorman laughed at me. Didn't you go to a steakhouse and they were fucking mad that you looked like a schlub? Yeah, they laughed at us Also boa It's all boa

I'm a creature of habit I don't really do anything outside what I know And so every time I'm here Boa Bisect hosting what's that mean when Aiden has you over Yeah Bisexual hosts It's like Airbnb,

but it's... First they're sour, then they're sweet, then they're gone. Then they're... Why haven't they added being bisexual to Minecraft yet? That's... Oh. Why haven't they done that? So you are close-minded. It's like the SMP that's bilingual now, but it's bisexual. BMP. The first bisexual

Minecraft server. You can be Steve or... What's the other one? Eve. Eve. You can be Steve or what's the other one? Eve. Eve. You can be Steve or Eve. It is Adam and Eve or Steve if you like. Bisex hosting also offers servers and hosting for 21 different games. Aiden, can we give a bunch of locations worldwide? We're talking about- You're zoning in on Minecraft and bisexuality when there's a bunch of other games it hosts for. I wanna focus for a moment. We wanna start a Minecraft server?

We're starting one in our Discord. And people... Woo! Minecraft server in our Discord now. So now officially there's a Minecraft server for patrons? Yes.

The cheapest member patrons? Yes. You have to be in the Discord for it to work though. And you're telling me that they gave us a free server we just got to read this shit? Yeah.

Yes. And also money. Dude. Isn't that funny? And then they get to come to play Minecraft with us? Yeah. And then George Clooney and Ryan Reynolds

will be in the server. And if you find my secret house in Minecraft, we'll be real friends. They will be parasocial, it'll be real. If you guys want to come play Minecraft,

you can just join the Patreon and join the Discord. Thank you to Bisect for giving us a server because servers are a pain in the ass. My house in Minecraft has a sign out front

that has my real address on it. That's actually badass. Aiden, tell them what BISEC does. It puts customer support at top priority. Oh, I'm sorry, is your name Aiden? Is that what you are? It's available around the clock. Is that your name?

Why is he muttering? I guess it's 300 seconds. This is homophobic. You're not gay. It'sISEC, though, Steve. You're not gay. This is available around the clock, 365 days a year, with an average response time of under 50. Does he have a better response time than fucking Ludwig?

And they're a company! Basically, hosting and server management is tough. BISEC makes it easy. Way easier than talking to Ludwig, our friend. And they have a highly customizable control panel, which is designed with both beginners and advanced users in mind For example for example in our server you might be wondering am I gonna get griefed are people gonna take away my Do it and we'll do it and you have you get to opt in to PvP and you can Protect your stop people from mining in your home. Yeah, I put a boundary

And you can protect your home. Wait, can you stop people from mining in your home? Yeah. Can you put up boundaries? You can opt in. I'm invincible. I think when you guys hop on the Minecraft server and you start to say, man, this sucks. Everyone's griefing me and everyone sucks.

I want to make my own server. Some people on it make it more exclusive. You go to bisecthosting.com slash the yard and use promo code the yard. You get 25% off. Use the promo code to get 25% off your first month. Do it. It's first month on Minecraft. Do it or shut up.

I designed this rhyme to explain in due time. That Mike Shinoda also will be on the Yard Minecraft server. And come join our Patreon and our Discord so you can come play on the Yard Minecraft server. You will be DJing a set in Minecraft and also Fortnite.

Are you purring? Bicepoasting.com slash the R. I fucking hate you. What's your McDonald's order? Two plain spicy McChickens with only

mayo on them. Two plain cheeseburgers with just ketchup on them. Hold on, this is one order? This is like not different days. This is like one... Have you never gotten four McChickens and swagged out?

No. Keep going. My goat. I think we would have bonded in college. And I do the McChicken, eat that, cheeseburger, McChicken, cheeseburger. You're lifted. Is it weird to, when you have a plate of things in front of you, and like veggies, and then

maybe some bread, or like the main course, do you guys only eat one thing at a time? So like you'll finish the main, and then you attack the sides and shit? It depends what I'm eating. If it's like Thanksgiving dinner, I just go all around the board. But if it's in-and-out, fries first, burger second. I love jumping. I can't jump. I can't do it in my head.

It's not freak behavior. It's like you might as well put it in a big blender. Sip it. I like hetero... We should do that. Genuity. Genuity. You'd be a fan of Huel.

Hetero genuity Wait why the fuck You used to be on Soylent You used to be on Soylent Way back I hated it In those olden days Don't say on Soylent

Like I was Prescribing Your titties were huge Yeah I was sucking them all the time I did stop Soylent Cause he kept sucking my titties And made me uncomfortable

Well you'd be like Slime You need to suck them Back to normal Yeah you gotta get my titties back down And that's why we switched to Factor You don't have to suck titties and make it uncomfortable. Well, you'd be like, Slime, you need to suck them back to normal. Yeah, you gotta get my titties back down. That's why we switched to factor. You don't have to suck titties in factor.

Go factor. He said, suck me down to a silver dollar. I gotta go to work. And I said, yes, boss. Yes, I will do that for you. We had different jobs

at the time. I've become more live to eat than eat to live. What do you think of the hypothetical that your dad dies? The hypothetical.

That's awesome. Okay, let me try. Me and Lando, we can figure this one out. Are you in the headspace? Because I can't get there. No, but then a couple nights later, you wake up and your nipples are just gone. What?

Wait, wait, wait. It was revealed to you that every night your dad would come in and suck on your chest to create two giant nipples. And you were born without nipples? You were born without them. And he did this to make sure you lived a normal life.

To make sure you never felt ostracized? Not for any weird sexual reason. So what's the hypothetical? How would I feel? No, it's something else. How would you feel? I don't want my son to be made fun of.

He's going to take off his shirt in the fucking locker room. Boys are going to fucking freak out and start making fun of him. Exactly. Throw him out back and shit. It wouldn't look like nipples. That's the one thing Yeah, okay, I Would cry I would cry from joy

Yeah, I think it's chill with Tom Brady did to his kid and this is less bad than that. Don't say what he did to his kid. What Tom Brady inflicted upon his children. This is less bad. This is bad. Tom Brady, child entertainer. Cause in this case, my dad loved me. You know? Wait, what if he begrudgingly did it? What if one day you're just being a shit, you're 16. You're fucking come on. You're talking back

and shit. And you wake up and you're like why my nipples look like not as good. And your dad's just like Wait you know what? They go away when you're a jerk. It's like the star chart. You can get into a couple bad days. No stars no nipples.

You're nicer and your nipples will come back. Yeah, don't talk back to your mother and maybe your nipples will be really clean looking. Or it's like, yeah, it's like... Or you woke up one day and it was like... Yeah, it looked like fucking Paraguay. He has a third nipple to fuck with you. You're born without nipples, but your dad tells you and he's like, and I can take them away. If you're not fucking taking the laundry to the whatever...

If you're in straight A's, no more nipples. I'm not sucking your fucking chest every night. Dude, if you found this out when he died, you're like, you're thinking back, looking back at your whole life, and you're like, that's why my nipples looked weird every week dad got a root canal.

Every time dad got dental work, my nipples were a little off. Also, you would need to find someone to replace that nipple-sized hole in your hole. Well, I mean... I think you could do it to yourself. Nipple-sized hole in your chest. You're just like a Ken doll.

I can't do that. You could do it to yourself. It's a question of... Can you lick your nipple? Everyone, I need to know who can do that to themselves. If I bring it up, I can do it. I can do it, but it'd be a high nipple. I can't do it.

I don't think I would even try. I can get close. Can you? You're just touching. What do you want me to do it, but it'd be a high level. I can't do it. I don't think I would even try. I can get close. Can you? You're just touching. What do you want me to do? You could also use a tube. I just thought we were getting ours out. You could, yeah,

you'd use some PVC or something. Yeah. But it's more of a question of acceptance of one's body and your imperfections. You know what this is? No, you invent something. It's like,

so it's an apparatus. It's PVC. It uses the suction from your nose from breathing at night And they they they go on to your nipples as you breathe at night so you can suction lactate while you're sleeping This is the dumbest thing you said. No it's not, it makes sense. This is like a sleep apnea machine Yes, it's a CPAP machine It's a CPAP machine to give nipples Ginger uses this you wouldn't be able

to get oxygen you wouldn't breathe no but you breathe you have a mouth you might suffocate yourself you would suffocate you can't breathe through your nose

and your mouth I'm different you can I'm doing it right now in this hypothetical you're sleeping and you're breathing through your nose

you would not be getting air in if it's connected to your nipples so like your lungs get like half the air they would have but you have nipples at the end of the day. And you have good dreams. Yeah.

Have you ever like slightly clogged your nose? It's really hard to sleep with. Okay, one goes to your significant other's nose. Why are you just fucking defending- Why are all four of you fucking defending this stupid-ass hypothetical like it's- I have recently dead. It would also benefit you. Why does that have to do with anything? You're training your VO2 max-

My dad's Italian, so he's basically dead. So you become a great marathon runner. You have nice looking nipples for when you pop that bitch off. For when you take off your- for when you pop that bitch off. for when you pop that bitch off. When you're running. All hard. And you- and they're fake so you can't chafe during your running career. Yeah, you're super right. Really good idea.

See how he gets? The forklift is so smart. See what we have to do with every single week? See why my new show works, and sorry to circle back, but why it works is because it's all democracy. You post it on Twitter, do you win? Audience votes. Democracy. What is this? It's all democracy, I said. A new show where we own politicians.

Wait, we own? No, we are politicians. If we won the poll, Ludwig would have to shut up. Can I show you what me and his fucking relationship's like? We are politicians. If we won the poll, Ludwig would have to shut up. Can I show you what me and his fucking relationship's like? Zipper, I'll tell you something. Can you bring it up? I message him shit. He never fucking responds to me. You don't even remember.

I don't know what he's talking about. I don't know what he's talking about. Is that fucked up? I don't know what he's fucking talking about. He never responded to this. This is me messaging him. The brothers that found it wrong. And I just said Romulus and penis.

Yeah, that's right. You want to know a fun fact about Slime? What? We all went to Italy. This is not going to be the only thing it is. I'm not done talking. It's not going to be the only thing it is. I'm not done talking.

We all went to Italy. We did a trip together. Okay. We recorded the yard there, and then we had a bit of vacation. I remember that. Disgusting place. I remember seeing it on Twitter. Slime left very early In the trip

About a weekend Right after we finished Doing the yard obligations We stayed another week He just didn't like it He's like I want to go home That's respectable He spent most of the trip

Watching a squid game In our apartment Our Airbnb No no no All of it Once he gets home He starts looking into Italian lore

In like mythos In history I wanted to figure out Where Roman history And Italian lore in like mythos and history I wanted to figure out where Roman history and Italian lore where Romulus and Remus is kind of lore Romulus and Remus

is kind of lore it's mostly made up but but he looks at all this he's like wow this is actually so fascinating and he starts just diving into like

historical videos about it but meanwhile we're there we're at the thing we're at the mountain we're it didn't're at the thing. We're at the mountain. It didn't happen while you were there. We were at the mountain where Romulus threw his spear

and where he killed Remus. That is pretty cool. We were there and you were reading about it. It'd be cool to see it, right? It'd be cool to go to the Colossum. What's cooler? Let me ask you something.

At the time, in late 2021, what was cooler in the fucking planet? Pussy boy? Was it Romulus and Penis? Or was it Squid Game? Something that took over the world. So, by the way, do you think Romulus is cool now? Is that where you're sending me Romulus and Penis?

I'm saying that how could I miss out on something that captured the attention of millions of billions? Wait, Squid Game was also late then because I had watched it a couple months earlier. It was more people know about Squid Game than Roman history. Yes, 100%. Yes. That's like a forklift question. I think more people know about Rome than Squid Game.

But not the lore. Definitely not. But people have consumed more Squid Game lore than Rome lore. Yeah. Squid Game is the Italy of... In history? Surely not. Yeah, well, I think... In history? In... Surely not.

Yeah, well, I think... Definitely not. I think, yeah. Definitely not. I think so. Not in history. Not in history. More people know about Squid Game

than know about the Colosseum? Alive right now, more people have consumed more Squid Game lore than know more about Squid Game and Rome. I think more people care about Squid Game.

You take every American child and British child. And you give them like a 10 question survey. We have a pageant. And we make a pageant. This is sounding suspicious. Not a pageant. No pageant. Small pageant.

A small pageant with just friends and family. A pageant just for us. This has nothing to do with the hypotheticals. No kids at the pageant, it's invite only. No, I mean... It's gotta be kids at the pageant. I'm not attending the pageant anymore. I'm not going to the pageant, I'm busy there.

You want to fucking sick of you because you don't engage in the marketplace of ideas. You shut up. This is the marketplace? I'm just small pageants. I'm not going to the pageant. I'm saying small pageants. This is the marketplace. I'm not bullshit. Very close-minded. I'm saying I support your pageant from afar. So you ask these kids. They're not you.

You don't ask them anything. Do you think that children in America Are we asking the kids something? have seen more trees in Minecraft or in the real world? Obviously Minecraft. Does it count for pictures of trees? All children see boy.

What? Pictures of trees? What are you talking about? You you drive places there's tons of trees but does what does the same tree count the same one tree or one that's quantity one tree got it you think people are going farther in minecraft than they are in cars some i guess i guess change everything you can see you can see hundreds of thousands of trip You're in a car on a road trip, but they're on their iPad and they see through the peripherals. No, this is now No, it's whatever they're focusing on because they're punching wood and they're like They're playing Minecraft they focus on every tree and when they're in the real world They don't focus on every tree. So it's a really subjective question, but I would go minecraft

I think wheels probably I'm thinking like we call it the yard beauty pageant we call it it's the yard pageant for kids 2023 brought to you by Juvie brought to you by Juvie

or if you want to get a little involved Jay Schlash we'll do it for... DaymurSups is a proud sponsor of the Yard duty pageant. What about an Adrenochrome flavor? That's pretty good. That's a great idea. Adrenochrome sells out immediately.

It's Nancy Pelosi on the bottle. Yeah, but she's like deep fried and shit. I think that'd be... What is that? With like red laser eyes. Adrenochrome is a conspiracy theory that high ranking Democratic politicians take the adrenal glands from children and bite into them like apples or fruits. And they like gushers are like and they suck all the adrenaline from them and they stay healthy forever in this forbidden ritual. Yeah.

And that's why Nancy Pelosi looks so beautiful. She looks so bad. Because the adrenal. I believe it. See? So it's easy to believe, right? It's easy to believe conspiracy theories. She's a beautiful woman.

People have blood boys in real life. What is that? Blood boys. Ted put you onto this, huh? Ted put me onto this. We conceived this in the truck on the way to Point Gros Party. What is it? You didn't conceive blood boys.

A blood boy is a boy kept for blood transfusions of rich people. They carry him around. That is real. That's real. That's real. Bezos has a blood boy? I don't think they call him that, though. Can we get a blood boy?

A Mogul Moos blood boy. That would be shot to death. I don't want to share with Yingling. I wouldn't do it. I would be the blood boy locator, or I would be the blood boy. You would be the blood boy. You got a lot of blood. You're a big guy.

I need to find someone O negative for you guys because I'm not O negative well I'm not going to say it the stands will find you we'll take we'll figure it out there'll be problems with that we'll boil it down like creek water

and it's safe to drink get all the brainy with some goddamn olive oil in that shit and make it fucking whatever you want. We'll get you signed on as a blood boy slash representative of the brand. Well, I'm down. You take everyone to BOA.

They wine you, they dine you. They suck you dry. Jesus, it's been a horny cast. It's not horny. It's what happens to... Really? You talked about a lot of things with a horny... Not true.

You're saying that you were horny during the pageant talk. Because we were trying to throw a serious event. Why did you jump to that? Because we're trying to start a pageant, dude. And we would like you to be on board for once in our fucking lives about an idea. And it's a pageant, and it's for children. I'm not on board. This is the safest possible pageant for kids.

I've got an idea. And it's for children. I'm not on board. This is the safest, accessible pageant for kids. I've got an idea. Every employee at your company, you offer $10,000 to chop off a finger of theirs.

Oh, easy. Every consecutive finger they choose to chop off, you multiply it by 10, the amount that you give them. I could live without two pinkies. How many fingers do you think... All gone. All gone. That's I could live without two pinkies. Wait, that's... How many fingers do you think... All gone.

Everyone... All gone. Well, that's only a hundred grand for two pinkies. For two. But then it's a million for the next one. And then it's ten million for the fourth. I get my dad to fucking suck some new fingers on me. You chop six off?

If you chop six, you get a billy. Is six fingers off worth a billion dollar? Yes. Easily. I think a hundred... I would... If I were chopping, I would probably go for 10 mil. I get cool chat GPT robot fingers for a billion.

You could figure something out. See, in my head, you get these four gone, and then you've got a million, $11 million. I can rock climb with these three. Yeah, yeah. That's what you need. Imagine, do you get extra for taking your thumbs off? Come on. The correct answer is

chop all 10. And get new hands? You have $100 trillion. I guess you could buy the country. You are the collective GDP of the country. You can keep one finger. What's the point? Just chop all ten you remember.

Just to remember. GDP of the country. I think you gotta hang on to these. The logical argument is that you can get some like prosthetics with 11 million dollars. You can get them with a hundred trillion too. I mean you can get a lot of shit. You can get human beings to be your hands for your whole lifetime. You can get hand boys. Hand boys, hand boys.

Hand boys, blood boys. The pageant. I want a boy for each thing I need. And I want him stacked. You get a boy for every thing you call by the digit. I got a team of boys at home. I got a boy team. And there's nine, like a baseball team. And they're called the Marlins.

Also like the baseball team. Do you have two strings? I got a second string boy. Fuck it. First boy's sick, I got a second string boy today. He's got stuff to feed me my breakfast. Bullshit. Everybody wants to be a first string boy.

Can't all be. We're the Jay Cutler of his life right now. Jay Cutler was a good Bears quarterback. He was the good Bears quarterback. He did his thing. Third string. He was not third string. He started. No, in that one season.

Yeah, he started. He was third string. What? He also started. He had a great connection with Brandon Marshall. They went for over 1,000. I had an experience this weekend. I went to a smash tournament.

You guys know Juna? Yeah. The runs production. I've heard this one before. a Smash tournament You guys know Juna? Yeah The one that runs Productions I've heard this one before The goat No Juna is what dude? No no no

That's funny Juna is someone I respect immensely See them every tournament I'm like hey what's up You know we hug Juna's like I've been saying pussy boy So much

And I'm like That's bad That's not good That's bad That is bad You have an impact on society. I know. And you know what?

Someone else came up to me with their girlfriend. He's like, hey, can I get a picture? I'm like, yeah, sure. And he was like, I've been calling her pussy. Dude, sorry, I love you. I've been abusing my girlfriend. She's like laughing. She's like, it's a lot.

It's a lot. And I'm like, this is bad. Yeah. And I'm like, do you call him pussy boy? She's like, sometimes. And I'm like, this is bad. And I'm like, do you call him pussy boy? She's like, sometimes. And I'm like, okay, that's great. Shouldn't have told me this. This is your impact.

What do you think the kids of the pageant are going to be calling each other? Hey, look, all bets are off on a pageant. That's a competition, sir. And I do say that may May the best child win. You need a cowboy hat that's like two feet tall. It's like Doug Dimmadome. The Doug Dimmadome of child pageantry. Schlatt, we've done it.

Somehow we got through 90 minutes. Is there a third thing you got brewing up there that you want to shout out? No. The main two that I care about today are gamer sups my energy drink company which uh also has non-caffeinated versions as well if you just really want to try drinking water and not just like diet sodas or just other shit you'd have you get your water intake and more by just putting putting a little scoop of that shit in like meal for gamers yeah it's gamers. Yeah, it's like Mio for gamers. There's also the caffeinated version

in my flavor, titty milk. Gamersupps.gg slash schlatt. I'll be the judge of titty milk. Yeah, so we're giving you a limited amount of minutes on this thing.

We can send you an infinite supply. It'll be really funny. Send us a 50-gallon drum like the ones you get for lube on Amazon. Or oil. I want like an old timey barrel.

Yeah. And then we can put it on Nick Yingling. And make him sell fish on the corner. And make him a barrel guy. And we're going to need to talk about HR. Roll it down the stairs. That's what Nick's. Nick Yingling?

That's just inappropriate. Trick Yingling, baby. That's what we call them Recycling the same nicknames So there's that And we can work out What about Dirty Boys? Trick Falco

Dirty Boys I feel like won't happen LA is unhurtable What's Dirty Boys? That doesn't matter anymore Sorry what are you doing here? It's a fucking stupid idea Was that like the goal though? I'm here for a week It doesn't matter anymore. It's just a... Sorry, what are you doing here? It's a fucking stupid idea. We're recording podcasts. Was that like the goal, though?

Yeah, I'm here for a week, and I have like 15 or 16 podcasts to film. Was ours your favorite so far? Can we make that 17? Yeah, this one's funny. You guys are funny. That's so nice of you. Ludwig was just on my podcast,

Did Schlatt Win, which you can look at, and I'm sure any of you guys can come on if you want. I don't think he wants that. I don't think he wants to get embarrassed. No, he doesn't mean that. He gets Jack Manifold, Tommy in it, and then Aiden. Some of y'all regretted that sentence as it came out.

Yeah, yeah. Because you didn't pick one specifically. You just said, you guy, I love all you. We just swap every argument. Yeah. Tag team. We can tag team. Yeah, because you didn't pick one specifically. You just said, you guy, I love all you. We just swap every argument. Yeah. Tag team. We can tag team. Oh yeah, it's all three of us at once. One topic. You can tag team. You can pick Cerberus. We send him in

when we need like loud noises and distractions. That's my whole plug. Thanks guys. Appreciate you coming on. Finally. Yeah, appreciate it. I did it. Big episode. This is the 100th episode. It was not the 100th episode. Yeah, we lied to you because you're stupid

and gullible. 90? Yes, I think we're on 90. Yeah, we're 10. It wasn't 100. We lied to you. Hey, thanks for the thumbnail, though. We made Schleich cry. Yeah. Dude. We should get him crying. Yeah, we should do it. Fake it. We should fake it? No, we should make him cry again for real. We can make him cry again. We'll make him cry again.

We'll see you in the most sensitive of times. We'll try. We'll try. We'll try.'ll make him cry again. I can't believe that again. We'll try. We'll try. We'll try. We'll try. We'll be good. We'll be crying in the future. Bye. See you later.

Bye.