The Yard - Ep. 92 - Slime Gets Pranked By Children

Episode Date: April 19, 2023

This week, the boys talk about Ludwig surviving in the forest for 24 hours, Slime getting shot while driving, and what Aiden did at Smash Camp...

this video sucked why i did not enjoy that video yeah of course you didn't bro very boring yeah because you were from day dot riding fancy ass planes. You're freaking. True, yeah. You've been on half pilot planes. You're talking about day dot. You have a nepo pilot dad. You were born on a plane, bro.

The video has like six stages and I've done two of them. I wish you had fucking stage four. Do you think that video is meant to impress you? I think that. Or do you possess knowledge? You're just old and you watch Casey Neistat and now you're fucking jaded because you've seen first class seats.

I don't watch Casey Neistat. You watch his first class seat review. Who is that? So you watch it. But that was a long time. That video came out six years ago. So when you said, I don't watch Casey Neistat,

you lied because you did. The six year old video with 100 million views. A lot of people have watched it. So you watched it. You have also watched it. Casey Neistat. Is this a woman we're talking about yeah

really yes Casey or is it no it's like the one Casey Nyserak and then you said she's Casey Nyserak and now you've made it weird

I thought it was a guy yeah and then oh you fuckers you fucking sons of bitches you fucking cocksuckers look at you I thought I was being a fucking piece of shit.

I was being slightly funny. You're still being a piece of shit, but a slightly funny piece of shit. Ah. Do you think if Casey Neistat sold his patented glasses, he'd make like a billion dollars? If he sold his hat and glasses? Patented. Oh, no. He wouldn't make shit.

Really? Yeah. They'd be corny as fuck. He wouldn't make shit. They'd be what? They're so corny. Yeah, but he has fans. Can I see them again? We could sell... Listen, the way the yard drops go, we could literally sell like a canvas

painting of a piece of poop. Oh, yard drops? That sounds cool. Well, that's actually kind of dope. He paints his Ray-Bans and scrapes the paint off so they have white on the edges, and then he wears them every day of his whole life. Why? Or he used to do this, at least. Because you don't want to...

He still wears them, right? I don't know. We don't know. I do watch Casey Neistat sometimes. I've seen him recently. Anyway... You watch... Oh!

This was all trapped. We're being... That's very funny. Anyway, I think it'd be corny like selling a bald cap by slime. That would sell out, though. It would sell okay. So his question was, would he make a billion dollars?

He wouldn't make a billion dollars. Which is a hyperbole to say, would he make a lot of money? Yes, thank you. And the answer is yes. I don't think you'd make more than if he just sold a huge pair. If he sold a bald cap,

his specific pair that he wore in all the videos, I bet it's like tens of thousands. What if he sold them and then I bought all of them? And then you would have a lot of... What the fuck are you doing now? Then he would make a lot of money.

I was on your side. I don't know. What if I gave him a billion then? Huh? How much does he have? You have a billion plus what he had before. Plus taxes.

Plus taxes. You know what I was thinking about? I was thinking about if I was a boxer and I was going up to fight somebody as a boxer in an influencer boxing thing, what my intro song would be. Yeah. And I thought it'd be really funny if it was many men.

That'd be hype. If only you had had this opportunity in real life. If only. If only someone had given you the chance. If only there was someone who could give me the opportunity to fight myth. Welcome back to The Yard episode 92

and we are happy to announce Chess Boxing 2 is happening and Slime is fighting myth. Dude, that'd be crazy. Unfortunately, you would never choose many men. You would choose Bonehead by Naked City and you'd be covered in meat or something. And you'd come out and you'd be like, yeah!

Alright! And Myth has to fight the alright man. And no one would get it but you. And then you'd chase Myth around the arena, like, you're my little fat boy! Give me my little fat boy! And then during the break you'd pull out a gun. And shoot myself in the head. You'd kill yourself. And then Mithras goes like this. Yeah, and he cheers, he celebrates, cause he's got a third wind. He's the winner of TKO!

And also you have a gun, so it's kind of a dual purpose thing you're doing. And I'm just twitching on the fucking mat. Man, that'd be hard. You think you got that dog in you to fight? Bare knuckle? We talked about this and the answer is yes, i'm i'm fucking crazy for you bro dude what are you talking about he's crazy what the fuck do you know are you gonna fight me are you crazy to fight me are you gonna defend me to fight anyone that you sick me on i'm like a pit bull uh-huh and you and i'm chewing on a tire just waiting i've been listening to five rings and i don't know if I got that dog in me.

Is that the Drake song? We're all on the same page, right? You declined this opportunity already. No, I was injured, you dumb piece of shit idiot. Yeah, but you declined. I declined because the doctor was looking at my heart. I had a sports-related injury. And what would a real warrior have done?

My sport was Valorant. I'm just saying, Achilles never complained about no injury. I do like the idea that my doctor is like, so you're going to want to hold off on a lot of physical activity and reliquiate your heart to see if everything's okay. And I'm like, sure thing, doc. And then I go and box a man. For the first time.

Yeah. I thought that'd be good. I'm just saying, you know, if you sick me against anyone, I'll do it. Who would we pick for slime to fight you know what so this is actually I want the best

I've been trying to find someone for you to fight he would kill me in one punch he would kill you he would destroy you he would murder you I had the realization

we went to we went to smash camp this past weekend and during the basketball tournament I got elbowed in my nose, and it knocked me on the ground.

Wow. And in that moment, I was like, I never could have done it. I never could have been in the ring. I remember Mike Birbiglia had this bit where he's like, have you guys ever punched in the nose?

And his boss is like, it hurts so bad. Yeah. And it's like, yeah. You start crying. You're not even like crying because you're in pain. It just like, it triggers all your senses. The shock. Yeah. You're just like, yeah. You start crying. You're not even like crying because you're in pain. It's just like it triggers all your senses.

The shock. Yeah, you're just like. Let's go around and say who we wish to defeat in the ring. Slime. You want to fight me? Yeah. Fucking let's go, dude. I'd love to fight you.

Oh, I'm like. Hell you. Oh, fuck. You would just lose. No, I wouldn't. You're an asshole, I'm like, kill you! Oh, fuck! You would just lose. No, I wouldn't. You're an asshole. I'm an asshole. You're an asshole.

I'm an asshole. You're a fucking asshole because I, like, pure, like, the problem with Creator Clash is, like, no one wants

to kill each other. Right. Yeah. But that's the problem. Wait, wait, wait. That's the problem? And you want to kill the main problem

is when you see them fight, they don't want to fight each other bad enough? I think so. There's a lot of honor for their opponents. I don't see it. Can I ask you a question? Did you watch Critter Clutch, dude? Yeah, I did.

You did? Okay. What was your favorite fight? My favorite fight was the Myth fight, because I missed and I had to rewatch it because I missed that part because it was very short. That one was really good. You don't think that he wanted to kill him?

No, I mean, he probably did want to kill him. Dude, Myth is a fucking psychopath. His favorite book is Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. He's in his stoicism arc. He's reading literature and then going on five-mile runs and then boxing training and then eating nothing but oats and then raw bear meat. I could do this.

You couldn't do this. He's already doing half of it. He's doing the easier part. He's doing the easier half, I would argue. I hit him right in his chussy. And you in your chussy. The chussy is defended by our ribs. Well, that's why you should box. Our skin. Our skin keeps it together. Our bones.

The chussy cage. I've been trying to find someone to fight you That's why you said boss. Our skin keeps it together. Our bones. Josie Cage. I've been trying to find someone to fight you. No one wants to, huh? They're too scared. I've been trying to find kids. Because you keep saying that you could beat someone in basketball. You've been messaging tall kids? I haven't been messaging kids directly.

No, that'd be weird. You haven't been looking up tall kids on Twitter? Tall kids. No, I didn't. We're haven't been looking up tall kids on Twitter? Tall kids. No. We're on hot kid numbers on work. I looked through top 50 PR for third graders by every state. Oh, the kid PR. For basketball specifically.

Yeah, you want them local too, so it's the SoCal kid PR. SoCal kid PR. And it's a great region. It was paywalled. SoCal kid PR is paywalled. I don't like that. There's a lot of kids in SoCal though. Who's earning money off of good kids?

Like coaches, presumably. I think they should earn the money. I think that's exploitative. There's a market for we should pay child athletes. Look, fire video idea. We send slime in versus grades and we keep going lower. That's what I want to do.

But you know how hard it is to find kids. You know how hard it is to find I don't want like I don't want like don't give me like oh my niece is nine. No, I don't want your fucking niece They just can't throw no girls Ludwig finally has a point I believe they play basketball. I'm not saying no girls. I think Ludwig finally has a point. I'm trying to find good kids. Good strong bones that can beat slime.

Yes. I want the best basketball player by age, but I reached out to this guy who's like a high school reporter. He's a kid expert. He's an expert on kids. He's a high school basketball reporter. He's huge on TikTok. He's like, I'm an expert on kids. No's a high school basketball reporter. He's huge on TikTok. He's like, I'm an expert on kids.

No, I don't have a degree. I don't have a degree in kids. He hangs out at high schools and he films them on his phone and he tells you who's what and who's good, who's tall, who's got nice bones. Who the good kids are. There's good kids, there's bad kids. I don't need to deal with it.

Can we just be clear that Slime could not be a single high school basketball player 100 absolutely that's a lie i thought about this longer because we said fourth grade on the podcast and if we were going off the the uh requirements we were talking about which was best players like that grade yeah dude it's like i think you lose to second grade that's what i wanted to prove so you're looking for like a six foot tall eight year old? Yes. Yeah. From like Gabon.

And it's hard. That was funny too. I was thinking about that a lot. And I was like, what could I like say to this eight year old that would like hurt their feelings enough to where they'd be bad? Most things. Because they're eight, right? Santa Claus isn't real.

That would hurt them. And then they crumble. The way that we originally talked about it, wasn't it him doing like a 1v3 no no no it was five slimes versus five so it's not how we we do one-on-one so like but it's really hard to like one like reach out and get these kids and then two like have a message to the adults who own them to like get them to give them up for a little bit hey can we have your labor yeah child can we get the labor of your kid i'll pay you to use the boy that you have that's not what i was praising it's funny too because like your time is so is so uh what's it

called um what's valuable oh everyone's time is valuable well your time is so valuable you can literally put a price on it and you you are spending some of your precious, precious time finding out a way to embarrass me. I'm looking at the leaderboards, yeah. Which I think is really, it means a lot to me. So anyway, this is a call. It's a call to action. If anyone's out there got kids and they're good at basketball. If anyone knows of, send some video of your kid playing basketball to Nick.

And he'll vet him. I'll vet this. He'll vet this. Flood Nick's DMs. I would love to Nick. And he'll vet him. I'll vet this. He'll vet this. Flood Nick's DMs. I would love to choose. I would love to choose which kids to defeat Slime. That sounds fun. Send some pics of their height.

Maybe some of their dribbling skills. Yeah. Give us their adrenal crotest too. Just solicit material. Tell us how many stem cells they got. Last time they were hooked up to a blood machine. Tell us if the parents are voting Democrat or Republican.

Imagine some yard family right now is listening to this and then they pump their kid full of drugs. Why would you put that in their head? Because someone's going to do it. No kid needs drugs to beat you. That's what this whole thing is about. No, if they're eight. The yard presents the kid pump-a-thon.

That's a good guy. Bring your kid and we'll pump them up. And get them ready for battle. It's amazing how this is getting worse. Do you want your kid to be a warrior for you? For the first time, I'm recognizing where you're coming from. Where I'm coming from. Because I almost feel like this could sound inappropriate.

You still have time to get over to my side of the aisle right now. I think I'm going over this side. I think it's too late. Solicit videos of children playing basketball. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I think when the kids... We can watch the kids play.

We can watch the kids pump. No, the kids are going to get pumped up. That's terrible. For us. That's a terrible phrase. That's a terrible phrase. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

No, I do know what you're saying for sure. Yeah, that's fine. So it's a terrible phrase. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. No, I do know what you're saying for sure. So it's a fetus. What's up, Aiden? Nothing. We should go scout. We should go to like basketball courts where like little league games happen. What do they call them? Basketball? I can't remember. Little basketball league. Little basketball league.

LBL. No, that's where we'd go. We'd go to parks where there's kids at and we'd watch them play pickup. We all find our own kid yeah there's gonna be one of those videos that's like have you ever seen those videos that are like uh lebron spectates youth basketball game and it's just him like clapping and cheering for like some you know kids rec league it's gonna be like that but it's gonna be you on the sidelines yeah Yeah. I like that kid. Let's get that kid. Come on. Yeah. I got a new coach.

I'd be like, yo, uh, 47. What's, uh, what's his deal? What's his deal?

He's got a good family. He locked into a college or anything? He got a good family. What's his, uh, what's his prospects? He locked into a good middle school. Yeah.

Where's he going? Is he taking English or French? I go to a D1 middle school. If they are kids who play basketball, you'll lose to second graders. That's what I'm convinced of. That's what I want to prove D1 middle school. If they are kids who play basketball, you'll lose to second graders. That's what we want to prove. First graders is the cutoff. You lose to any high school player,

barring like those really wholesome videos where it's a kid who plays for the first time in the entire year after being the water boy, and they let him walk the ball up into the net. Oh, I sleep that kid. One punch even. Usually they have some physical dissonance. How do they feel about steel chairs in youth basketball?

I fucking run that guy over like a lawnmower. We still have like normal basketball rules. When was the last time you shot a basketball? Oh, man. What an entrapment sort of question. What was the last time you shot a basketball. Oh, man. What an entrapment sort of question. Two questions that are... The answer is taking too long. Two questions that are rude.

Do you think Sly has shot a basketball more recently or backshot more recently? Backshot. Oh, absolutely. Probably backshot. I think basketball. No, absolutely not. I mean, I'm a Mish guy

What do you want from me Yeah Oh true That's what I'm saying I think he's shot at basketball More recently Basketball Uh

It's been a long time You're talking about Like 50 years I remember when he was In high school He was just so confident I'm not sure Like can he make the ball

In the hoop I think he gets 5 for 10 on layups No I'm 5 for 10 Are you kidding me 5 for 10 5 for ten on layups. No, five for ten? Are you kidding me? Five for ten if you had a minute. Dude, eight for ten.

In a minute? I think it's lower. That's crazy. You guys are being crazy to make shoot. Use your hands to shoot a ball right now. Archie, Archie, I need you to calculate where you think the ball would have gone with that form. You made a whoosh noise. You have to make the whoosh noise.

You guys keep talking shit, but bring that kid out and I will fucking... Were you pantomiming an air ball? This is annoying, because if I beat the kid, it's like, ooh, yeah. I will literally be impressed. It won't be like a... That sucks. I'm telling you, if you beat third graders or higher fun of the kid. If you beat third graders or higher, I will be impressed.

I don't want you guys to be impressed. You're going to suck my dick. I want you to make fun of the kid in real life. If you beat the kid, you're not going to make fun of the kid.

You are 32 years old. We will come out with a big check that says college tuition and we'll rip it in half. Yes. That's what I want. If you guys want to put

all this on the line because I'm the one actually doing it, my reward is you humiliating this kid. We shave him bald and we can use his hair as your new toupee. It's like a... That's humiliating to me. Stop it. Fuck, my bad.

Work with me here. Yeah, I was trying to. You can use stem cells with him. I don't want to do stem cells with him. You can do it. He'll be your boy. I don't want the boy. I want a couple stems. You can do it. He'll be your boy. I don't want the boy. I want to make this kid.

I want the buckets. I want the buckets and I want shame. All right. And I want you guys to distribute the shame. Because if I lose, I'm getting the shame for sure. We can line this up so he's wearing the toupee around the time this game happens. That's fine. I'll look like baby no money.

No, you won't. No, you won't. You don't have the facial hair. You don't look like baby no money. I look like him't. You don't have the face of hair. I look like him. Just because you have hair? Yeah. I'll get his hairstyle.

Yeah, he's a guy who has hair. That's true. That's true, yeah. And I've been saying that. That's what they say about him. So it's settled. It's settled. All right, we're going to figure out a basketball thing. I'll work on my jumper.

Send your vids to Nick. And how else are you guys doing? I was sick last week. Last week? I'll work on my jumper. Send your vids to Nick. How else are you guys doing? I was sick last week. I went to smash camp with Aiden. Aiden and Nick went to smash camp. Which is a summer camp in the woods where you play Super Smash Bros. Melee. It's where people go in the woods

and they just drink alcohol. They also do debauchery. They make meth. A guy munted on that might you got a month I didn't Aiden told me like I'm gonna do Molly later now my ass pretty funny and then later I was like I wonder if Aiden's done Molly yet. I go find him and I look at him and he looks like this Like his eyes are as wide as they can be and his pupils

are the size of his iris and I'm like that guy's on molly I'm gonna send you a photo was it fun? oh it was great he played in the crew battle on molly and he re-upped before his match

and he played amazing that's crazy that that's what i was gonna say like you you do molly and then you play chic yeah it's like what are you doing so i i uh yeah we took it on on saturday evening while everybody was watching creator clash it was me and like two other people and uh and and i'm just it's slowly it took a while to kick in

and it's slowly kicking in while we're watching everything and I'm just slowly like oh and we

and we agreed to do a yard versus Alston melee crew battle that evening and so we yard was very loose it was

both sides were very loose it was you two Nick Angling Nick Allen Ben Nick Allen didn't go to smash camp Nick Allen did, Nick Allen, and Ben. Nick Allen didn't go to Smash Camp. Nick Allen did.

Nick Allen was at Smash Camp. And Nick Allen had arguably, I'd say, the set of the stream. I heard they passed Thick Allen around like a freaking used towelette. He changed his Twitter name to Thick Allen. He did. He went game show. So harassment is okay. So we've established that.

Modernly harassment is okay. I'm going to harass him now. Good. Good. Great. Good. Yes. So we've established that. Not only is harassment okay, I'm going to harass him now. Good. Yeah. Great. Good. Yes. Be the leader for us.

Thick Alan. Nice. Welcome to the club. See, it's not cool when you do it because you're above him at the company. Thick Alan. So you're not allowed to do that. He went game three last stock with Poopy Ass. No.

And he was going to lose and he came back Poopy ass who's poopy ass boy? Well, yes plays Today do so I think they're friends too like they drove up together. I think yeah I think that's tough DBH. That's up together, I think. Yeah. That's tough. DBH. That's just bad seating for Mikey. Oh my God. Is that Jesse?

Yeah. On the right. How'd you do against Jesse? He did well. I literally whiffed an edge guard to win the game. I mean, look at Jesse. He looks like shit. It was four socks, four socks at the start. And you went last stock.

He went last stock and then we lost. That's your matchup. He went last stock and then he went off stage for the edge guard to like suicide kill him and just missed so so like five minutes Before I sit down to play Jesse the re-up kicked in which is it hits a little harder than the first one does Jesus I'm just like I when I'm playing like the real you the space around your character is kind of all you can really focus on and The space around your character is kind of all you can really focus on and Anything that is like outside of this range around your character is kind of just like you're not really worried about And I keep doing this thing in the game where I like jab in place because I'm like trying to find Jesse

And we were watching You're literally in the crowd doing this And we're like bro he's just sitting there doing that And every time he does it it just works It was amazing If you watch the end of the game I whiff a drop down back here To win the game and then he upbeats me And hits me off stage

Do you guys win? We lost the crew battle It ended up being closer than we thought The last match that went in was Fiction versus free Palestine fiction what fiction was on all sin nation was Austin melee The yard I guess that makes the reason we slept in our bed Honestly, the sole reason we lost was so we have it we had a player whose tag is big-time rush aka floats Very good. Very good. Probably our second seed,

if not tied with Millie for first. And beat Millie in the actual tournament. Yeah, and then beat Millie in the tournament. And he lost to Matt.zeb on Molly. Wow. And it was match one. He just lost. Yeah, that's tough.

And then that set the tone for the rest of the group. But I was like, I'm standing there. I kept doing this thing. We'll censor this out if they want it to be, but it was also on Molly. Yeah,

but he, he didn't re-up. So he's like not as high as me and Matt are, but I kept doing this thing where you're on two different sides of the room because you're on your side with your crew. And I kept drifting over to go hug. And then they'd yell at me To like hey get back over here

Go back to our side of the crew battle And then we'd lock eyes And then we'd like Flip each other off but then we'd go like this We'd like reach out across the room I can see all of this happening so vividly And I'm just like watching Matt Beat like cheese the fuck

Out of floats and I'm just like Pat Tots like cheese the fuck out of floats. And I'm just like, Pat Totsam's so good. Like he's, he's so amazing at the game. Dude, I think a sick crew battle idea is it's like a crew of like five and every member is jacked up on a different drug. Which one's more performance enhancing? Which drug? Well, it's like you have to send in like your crank guy.

You got to send in your dab rig guy. You got to send in your drunk guy guy. Oh, you're saying drunk Oh each person Each person so your crack eyes your anchors Everyone plays Fox Guys are like just nodding off Just fucking don't do anything. It goes to time.

This reminds me of 99 Minutes. We did Frozen Hand Fox Dittos one year at Genesis. And where you stick your hands in ice for two minutes, and it hurts so bad, and then you play a Fox Ditto against somebody, and you just can't fucking move. It's so much fun. This is miserable.

One of the funniest things I saw at camp was, so Ben Tulson, shout out Ben Tulson, our community manager, he is very drunk. He's one of the drunkest I've seen him. And he's sitting at the beerio set up. I don't know who's winning.

It never matters. Nobody's winning at beerio. And Mike is really hungry. Sorry, let's be clear andrew viper is winning every time andrew wins every time he is very good the amazing viper ls he's very good so gunthers who's in the room i don't know if he's drunk he might be a little drunk but i'm not sure i don't think he drank that day um he's very hungry and we're trying to rally a group of people because i i have a car we're trying to rally a group of people like go get food but everything's closed i don't know if you guys

saw my tweet about the restaurant i found yeah that was real that's crazy that's just eating fresca the picture uh of the restaurant on uber eats or in yelp go to my twitter zipper prescott food is uh top tier so i'm on i'm on yelp and i'm looking i just type in food and i look and like the fourth result is this place. I love typing food into Yelp. You typed food into Yelp? I do that all the time. That's how you do it. I don't use Yelp. If you don't do that, it's going to show you hardware stores. I do the

same thing on Google Maps, but it makes me feel dumb every time. Before you show it, so I go type in food and like the fourth result down or whatever is this place. And if you don't claim your restaurant as the owner on Yelp, it just populates images from customers,

like whatever they post. So the cover photo. That makes sense. The cover photo of this place is just one of three photos that a customer has submitted with a review of the place. The place is one star.

So zipper, if you want to show. Jesus. This looks like a Doug Esports picture. Dude, it is so funny. If you go to the reviews, the second review is someone who's like,

the food here is way too expensive and also the bathroom is pretty gross. The first review is a woman talking about how her husband went there and had explosive diarrhea. There's a story. But the picture is from the second review. So there's like this narrative going that like the second person showed up and experienced what the first person was talking about.

But there's a six year gap between those posts. Yeah. So I don't know how long it's been there. No one cleaned it for six years. That's like hardened on the walls. That's like Dark Souls. That's environmental storytelling.

Okay, so we're kind of getting food. Mike eventually gives it up and he goes and he looks in the camp fridge, which at this camp for some reason the fridge just said

don't open on it. I think it's because it was unplugged and not cold inside. So people were still putting things in it. It's just a box. It's just where food was going to die, basically.

And Mike goes over, grabs a Lunchable out of it, comes over, and he's just going into a cheeky Lunchable at 4 a.m. or whatever it is. Love that. Or it was like 2 a.m. And Ben, almost like when you shake a bag of cat food and a cat comes running in, Ben hears the lunchable pack and he goes, Mike, let me clean that ham. I'm interested because I don't know what that means.

Mike's like, what? Everyone in the room is from Arizona. Mike, you gotta let him clean the ham. Mike's like, what is it? No. I don't know what that means, but no. It's like the Lunchables ham. It's little circles. Ben's like, Mike, let me clean the ham. He's like, let him clean the ham, Mike. He's like, I'm't know. And it's like the Lunchables ham. It's in little circles. And Ben's like, Mike, let me clean the ham!

And he's like, let him clean the ham, Mike. And he's like, I'm not drunk. He only just knows, like, Ben gets what Ben wants. He's like, let him clean the ham. They eventually coerce him. So he takes a piece of ham out. It's so gross. It's slimy because it's Lunchables.

Or maybe it's old from the fridge. And he gives it to Ben. Ben takes the ham and he licks both sides of it. And then he gives it back. Oh my god. He goes, here you go. Here's your clean ham. Dude, I love ham.

Mike's like, I'm not eating that. He's like, dude, I cleaned it for you. And then Ben goes over to the other Mike. And he's like, Mike, you have to eat this clean ham. And Mike's like, I don't want to eat the ham, Ben. Mikey? No, Mike Milnecki. Oh, okay.

And he's like, I don't want to eat the ham, Ben. And he's like, I cleaned it for you, man. Come on. And then, I don't know what happens, but I think Mike ends up dropping the Lunchable, and ham falls on the floor. And I'm like, Ben. That's a lot of ham to clean. I'm like, Ben, you just dropped a lot of ham.

He's like, I gotta clean that. He's like, he's like a portal bot. Like he turns and he's like, I gotta clean that. I don't know where that came from. I think it's not the first time

he said that. It sounds like half the people in the room were like, oh yeah, you gotta let him do that. You gotta let him clean the ham. Yeah,

that was extremely funny. Dude, because cleaning's a term, right? Like, let me clean that plate. Like it means eat the rest of it no uh it can be oh no he definitely didn't mean that like zero intense because everyone was so everyone had seen him do this before very obviously and he has he has just licked both sides of a piece of ham before i

like also a bunch of grown men are like constantly eating Lunchables. Activating like a sleeper agent off of just the rapper noise is insane. Because this has happened at least 20 times. Did you get Mario Party involved? Did you win? No, we didn't play. There's no Mario Party. I kept telling Ben no, because every time he would ask, he was already very drunk. Yeah, that's a good call.

I gave him a new rule. I was like, I'll only play Mario Party with you if you start sober and get drunk from playing. Yeah, that makes sense. You can't start drunk because it makes it no fun and you get mad at me. Yeah, you get too mad. And you quit at turn 10. He's like me on this set up. Dude, he wouldn't let me. I finally start coming around to playing with him and I'm like, alright, well who's my teammate?

And he's like, I was like, how about Millie? He's like, can't pick Millie, Millie's too good. I'm like, Millie doesn't even play. He's trying to only let me have someone who does not play the game at all and then he was trying to take i think like yingling who is good at yeah and also yeah he was hammered we uh we both made it out of pools nick trying the least he's ever tried in his life he played puff i played puff ludwig j. I, uh, on one of my last games to make it out, I like,

roll read rested the guy and he flies off stage but he was at zero. And he would have died because he DI'd out. He goes off stage and then Randall comes out. And he side bees

lands on Randall extremely high. Comes back to stage. He has another breath of life. I'm on last stock. Comes back to stage. I wake up like right before he hits me

and then, uh, I do the thing where I just immediately back up like right before he hits me. And then I do the thing where I just immediately back here. He flies off stage again. And then I do the thing where I fake jump out and land back on stage. And he side beats on top of me. I just rest him again. It was a double rest. It was hype. Do you think Ludwig Jr. is better than Ludwig Sr. right now?

I think Ludwig Sr. is mechanically better at Puff than I am. It's stupid to argue generations. Jordan versus LeBron, it's a different defense. Do you think so? It's a different defense. People still talk about that conversation. It's a different era. He's the Larry Bird of Puff.

You can talk about it, but how's Wilt Chamberlain going to do today? He dropped 100 points. No one's ever come close. You know what I mean? It's just different generations. Yeah, it is like that. I feel like you bringing that up means you feel just different generations yeah yeah it is like that i feel like you bringing that up means you feel like your legacy is being thwarted i feel like you're trying

to thwart it i'm not trying to you did well at a tournament in january i don't think you you know you don't even have to be defensive i'm not defensive right now you do i sound offensive you do you do i'm not you sound really one of different. One of the people that he brought on to the outdoor stream this weekend, he was telling them that he was a pro Smash player. Okay. Fair. And he was the best player in 2017. Okay.

Well, that's not true. The best player. That's what you said? Yeah. And then I said I played pro Valorant for Moist Moguls. Why did you say all this? I was on your side for like a sec. Why did you say all this? I like lying your side for like a sec. Why did you say all this?

I like lying. I like it. I like finding old people who don't get it and lying to them. That makes sense. I actually get that. Do you think that, do you think that that's nice to do?

He doesn't know what Valorant is. So if I tell him I'm the best Valorant player on moist moguls, he's going to say, what the fuck is a Moist Mogul, and move on with his day. Do you think it's easier than actually explaining that you're not good at the game,

but you're kind of good, but you play sometimes, but you're not a pro level player? It's so easy to fool old people. You can be like, I'm a platinum player. And they're like, wow, that sounds shiny and pretty good. Whoa. Do you know my son? There's not that many, but there's way more silver players.

My son also plays video games. Yeah, do you know him? So yeah, that's why I like Lion. I think that's cool, actually. P.U., yuck. What's that gross smell? He sounds like he's in shit. He sounds like he's in shit.

Oh my gosh. What are those pit stains? Chanel East and West Coast showed up today. Do you think being hurtful is funny? Put your mouth away, because you should put Native deodorant if you're gonna talk again, you gross ugly ass. Come smell me. Come in, come in. Let me see what you smell like. You wanna see what you smell like?

Mama! Mama! Come here Mama. Mama. Mama. Come here. Come here, my birds. Don't purr. Come here, my birds. Don't purr. Native also offers sunscreen. What is happening?

Quick absorbing, hydrating, and lightweight. We're busy doing something? Shut up. I got you guys. You guys do this all hand out. If you don't know, Native sunscreen formula also is 20% active with zinc oxide. Native has a scent for everyone. My personal favorite is the rose.

What do you guys smell? What do you guys smell? And coconut and pineapple? Is that what that is? No, it's sweet peach and nectar. But if you're not really into the scented thing, they also make unscented deodorant just to get rid of all the wetness and odor. I smelled his nectar. Yeah.

Would they know? I smelled your nectar for you. On top of the deodorant, they also offer sunscreen. So if you want to smell and feel fresh all day long it was real special get 20% off your first order by going to

nativedeo.com slash the yard and you or use promo code the yard check out your body to me is like an orchard

right exactly that's nativedeo.com slash the yard your body to me is like an orchard that's what I was going to say I was going to say

use promo code the yardARD to check out. I wanna spend years inside your body. When you die, my armpits will be Elysium. Archie just put it on the screen as text. I wanna spend years inside your body and I want no clothes. I wanna leaf like I'm Adam and I wanna be inside your garden. That's nativedeo.com slash the R for 20% off your first order. I want you to tuck in here and just...

No snakes! If you wanna smell like Ludwig's garden, you can buy native deodor R for 20% first order. I want you to tuck in here and just... No snakes! If you want to smell like Ludwig's garden, you can buy Native deodorant. And he's got a garden for you and for me. You get peaches sent, and you'll have so many people sniffing you. That will happen to you in public.

What compelled me to go up to his pits and be inside of his world, that will happen to you if you use Native deodorant. It will literally happen to you. If you use native deodorant, it will literally happen to you. He will be in your world. Right? So let's get up behind that together,

and let's go back to the episode, I guess. Anything else happen at camp? Camp was good. My little brother came, and I was excited about that. You guys fucking teamed up with Kony20xx. Yeah.

And put the bite on him all. Do you think Hasan would have 1v3'd you guys? Hasan? Yeah. Definitely not. Yeah. And put the bite on him all the time. Do you think Hasan would have 1v3'd you guys? Hasan? Yeah. Definitely not. No. Do you think he beats you 1v1? Hasan lumbers like an oaf. Probably. Does he beat you in Eamon 1v2? No. Dude, 2v1 is bro- you just- one person runs

away and you pass the ball to them. Hasan is ogre magi, but the dumbhead. Do you think defense-wise you hold him down pretty well? Hasan? Yeah. No. So if he scores presumably- Dude, if he knows how to post, I the dumb head. Defense-wise, you hold him down pretty well? Hassan? No. So if he scores, presumably... Dude, if he knows how to post, I can do nothing. Yeah, so 1v2, if he scores, and he, it's, you know, make it take it. The issue is,

most of Hassan's shots will probably... He's gonna get double-teamed, and eventually he will shoot and miss, and then all of a sudden he's against two people. This is a ridiculous question. I doing layups over and over. I think he could beat you 1v2. No, this is so... It's not that ridiculous.

It is ridiculous. You're coming at me like I've... Wait, is Aiden second his brother? How good does a player have to be? Yeah. To play basketball? To beat you 1v2? Yeah, how good is that to be?

The player has to be good enough to... Never miss their shots. Shoot over a double team and make it every time. That's how good they have to be. They could never defend your shot once. They only have to make it 50% or over 50% of the time. I guess they could just fast break on you and lay up and you can't double team. You know what I mean?

If you take either side, there's no way to fast break. They have to just push through you. LeBron without even shooting from the three-point line is going to win. Yeah, but he has enough weight and competence with his dribble that it's like going to be fine. Right. Like a shirt and probably like a D1 college player could do the same. You probably don't score on LeBron. On LeBron?

This is the opposite question. What's the best player? I think if my little brother cherry picks on the other side of the court, we can probably make a basket on LeBron. Like this is it's because he's taking a wide open shot. You can't defend 20 feet apart. You've wounded him. I don't think he scores on LeBron. Like this is, but it's because he's taking a wide open shot. You can't defend 20 feet apart. You've loonded him.

I don't think he scores on LeBron. No, this is just a dumb question. This is like something that somebody who has never played basketball would ask. I just don't think

he scores on LeBron. I don't know why he's upset about that. I'm not saying. He would obviously win. He would obviously win. You would definitely score, buddy.

I didn't even say I would score. I think you would score on LeBron. You'd beat LeBron 1v1 for sure, man. Oh my god. LeBron passed me the ball to start the play, and I just took the shot immediately and made it,

I mean, I do that over and over again, I'm eventually going to win. That's right. If I just keep shooting the shot, it's going to be open. LeBron, the Yard podcast takes the firm stance together and unanimously that LeBron sucks at basketball. Unanimously. Unanimously.

This is like when I said I would beat Serena Williams at four square. But I meant it. That was a hot button issue. That is like when I said I would beat Serena Williams at four square. But I meant it. That was a hot button issue. Except what I'm arguing is that I might score one point. Which is less likely. With a teammate. Less likely.

With a teammate. I prefer if you call me brother. I'm not even really arguing that. I'm saying that is something that could happen. And you're saying it's impossible. How is hasan and lebron and you're saying the same height same way this also started with hasan who just it is just not that good of a basketball player of streamers in terms of his basketball skill that makes sense yeah do you hey okay i think it's easy to assume hasan sucks at basketball based on just a vibe, but have you seen him play basketball?

Yeah, one, yes. Two, I don't think he's bad at basketball. I do not think he is physically capable of beating somebody 1v2. Who would we challenge tonight? Two people who can play basketball 1v2. It would be harder with the second person who can't shoot. You don't know if I can't shoot. But you also have slime.

I'm a hole. That's right. Ah! Ah! Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. If slime can run and make a layup, we could do it. Let's go. You're such a dick.

Yeah, he said that was so much love. You're such a cock-sucking asshole. He said that was so much love. Well, you couldn't name the last time you touched a dick. Yeah, he said that was so much love. You're such a cock-sucking asshole. He said that was so much love. Well, you couldn't name the last time you touched a basketball. I guess if he, like, can fucking use his arms like an actual human and doesn't shit on himself, I guess we can score a point. 20 minutes ago, you were asked when's the last time you shot a basketball. You couldn't remember.

You couldn't remember. Then I guess I could maybe score a point with slime because he's bald This was exactly like when we were in North Carolina and slime was like off I can use my legs and we're like juggle the ball three times Yeah, he also could not do that. We gave you three chances to do it. You guys are done that You were blindly confident that you could like this That's what I thought. I'm just saying you got's got soft hands. What do I have without confidence? I'm a fucking loser.

Think about that. Whoa. Whoa. I don't think that. Is that? No one cares what you think. And that's why I sent you a voice memo. I don't think you're a loser, man.

Oh. Dogs are out. Why would you do that? I knew I couldn't text him anything like, I love you. So I just sent him a voice memo that said where I went. Oh, is that when you were all high on drugs? You sent me shit. Yeah, but you were camping.

I was camping. I was 24 hours. I'm blue collar now. I don't got soft hands no more. I respect your soft hands, though. Because you went camping? What's up? You're blue collar because you went camping.

Because I survived. Oh. 24 hours in the woods. He's here. He's here and he's ready to- I'm sad I missed that. I could make a fire in that right now. That's fun.

Me too. I could make a fire in this with nothing but sticks. Yeah, there's wood in there. That's wood. Yeah, but with nothing but sticks. Like, I wouldn't need a torch or a match. Like, you would just do one of these and- I would rub it.

Oops. Yeah. It's like Castaway. I'm like Castaway. You guys seem like you had- You seem like you had fun. Why do I seem like I had fun? Because I barely was able to fucking lift a cowboy hat onto my head?

I'm still mad. Wait, what happened? Nothing happened. He's just mad about the basketball thing. He's just mad that I'm not trusting his ability to make a layup. I guess if he didn't fucking throw up all over his own shin like a baby's asshole, I guess I would be able to score a point. Yeah.

You would score so many points. I don't know if you can score a point. Let's put a hoop in the office and let's see. Let's put you at the free throw line. Let's put a hoop in this set. I used to play horse with Ken. That was our meetings at BTS.

We just could play horse with each other. That's the last time you touched basketball. No. I've touched so many more. It has to have been more recent. It did change me though, being out in the woods. How? I'm foraging now.

You're foraging? Yeah, I went on a walk yesterday and started eating shit. You picking berries? No way. I was eating shit, yeah. I think that's bad. Are you fighting for deer carcasses with the coyotes? I'm not eating deer carcasses with the coyotes next to them like we're brothers.

Yeah. I'm eating them after the coyotes leave. Yeah, I get Swiffy in there and he gets hungry. I eat mustard leaves. Ooh. I eat little water leaves. You could just buy food. Yeah, but it's funny.

Eat it when it's on the side of the road. Wait, are you actually doing that? Yeah, I've been doing it. As like... You're being for real. Yeah, I just eat what's on the side of the... On like a trail, like a hiking trail. It's not like on the fucking road. Yeah, fuck factor. We forage now.

I've been foraging. Do you... You have a million dollars. You know like... It's right there. It's bountiful. It's bountiful. Humans like for so long like getting food was a really hard task. And now we can go buy it. And now you just eat trash. I get it for you guys.

I get it for you guys. It's processed fucking foods is all you like to eat. Yeah, yeah. But me, I like foraging. I like eating what God gave me. Give me a Red Bull. Did God give you that sugar free right now? Forage.

No, they're sponsoring my child pageant for children only, no adults allowed. Whoa, hey, hold on. It's competing. Speaking of children pageant and sponsorships and things, did you see the Herman Miller CEO? No. Under some fire. For child pageantry? Yeah.

No, she, it was like a Zoom call, and she basically said that no employee was going to be getting bonuses, and she was smiling and weird throughout it. And she also awarded herself, not in the call, but a $5 million bonus or something like that. And Herman Miller's getting roasted right now. Wait, how...

Don't... Bonuses come at the end of the year, right? Or something. I don't know. I just saw it. I'm afraid right or something I don't know declaring that I'm afraid to react I don't know if slime gets it

I'm afraid to react gets what I don't know if he's telling us how to actually you know what I mean oh yeah yeah yeah you are the bright

part of mogul males huh you're the bright part of mogul males no you don't mean that you're saying it like it was a compliment

like it was sweet he's all he's saying no like he kinda likes it you don't mean that. Like it was sweet. He's all... He said no like he kind of likes it. I don't mean that. Yeah, that'd be cringe if it's true. Cash App guy died. Yeah.

Yeah, that was dark. He got murdered. He got stabbed because another tech CEO was sleeping. He was sleeping with his sister. Oh, that's why? That's what happened? Yeah, the Cash App founder was sleeping with his other tech CEO's sister. And then...

And he said, that's mine. And then the guy was like... Why would he be mad about that? That's so weird. Because they have long royal roots. Wait, and so the other CEO did it or he put a hit on him? No, he did it. They had met to talk about it. And then the sister sent like texts to the cash app guy and she was like sorry like my brother's

being so weird about this like thanks for being like such a stand-up guy he's like yeah no worries then they met again and then he got in the the dude's car the cash guy gets in this dude's car the killer guy's car they drive to a random ass part of san francisco and he just fucking stabs him stabs him to death in his car leaves him there and then drives away but do they know the guy who did it yeah oh they know he's arrested him yeah they've tried they've arrested him and charged him and he's explained was he paid to do it or something no he was just mad i think that he was sleeping with his sister or something he the guy who stabbed him is the other tech CEO. Yes. Who's now going to jail. Yeah, there's only three people in this.

It's sister, cash up guy, stabby stabber who is brothers of the sister who stabbed the cash up guy. And Jesus Christ is always in every story. In between us all, that's why our chairs are this far apart. That's what I'm saying. We get one Jesus free chair. One Jesus, and it's like an armrest on a plane. Because you put

your arm on it? No, but everyone gets one Jesus. Some people get two. We get two Jesus. We get two Jesus. Two Jesuses. Your hands are coarse. Yeah, because I'm a fucking blue collar worker now who likes foraging.

I think that more tech CEOs... Oh my God, no one cares. More tech CEOs I think should do things like this. Stab? I think they should fight each other more. I don't think more tech CEOs should stab. I think the world would be a better place if people who thought inventing an app for your dog to take a shit got stabbed by each other. We actually kind of talked about this on the way to Smash Camp.

We were saying if everyone who is on a yacht right now died, all of them, would the world be better or worse? And we posited that maybe a little better. Like, we'd lose some chill-ass homies for sure. Some chill-ass vibers definitely go down. Some chill vibers go down. Do service workers on the yacht die too? Oh, I love most of the vibers. That was what was positive.

Everybody on a yacht dies. Everybody goes. So we lose a lot of service workers. That's the bulk of people, right? So many billionaires die. Are there more people on yacht or service workers on yachts? I think service workers for sure. Well, it depends on the size of the yacht. Dude, actually, maybe this is bad because most big yachts like that don't have the guy on it that owns it.

It's just mostly the crew responding to- We strike during a business meeting. Yeah, it would have to be the max volume. We lose... It's impossible. You know who we lose? We lose YB. You know YB?

He's homies with all the Australians. Yeah, all the Australian guys love YB. They'll be mad about that. And we wouldn't want to do that. I don't know him that well. I don't want to look Kalen in the eye and be like, I killed YB. He doesn't tear his dreams out of his head.

Certain cities just get boomed. Like Sydney just gets boomed. Yeah. Well, okay. Well, a lot of... Laguna Beach boomed. Billionaires, but boomed yeah well okay well a lot of laguna beach boom billionaires but also like like foreign dignitaries maybe like who's the president of india right now that person oh wow if no one in this room knows this this is really embarrassing i forget and

he's yeah he's hindu he's a little right wing yeah i was in a bad situation it's a g yeah i don't want to throw out a name though i don't G. Yeah. I don't want to throw out a name, though. I don't want to throw out a name. You don't want to do that. If you guys tempt me, though. I'll just... No, I won't. No, I could do it. I could do it.

That's okay. Let me throw some out. I don't want to do that. Let me spitball. I don't think you should just say President of India. It's G. It's a hard G, too. Oh, wait.

Oh, did he get booted? Oh, okay. Oh, never mind. Never mind, new guy. It's a hard G. It's a woman. It's a woman. The guy I was talking about was the president before her. Who's the last one?

We got a hard G in that, right? There's a hard G in that? I thought you should say hard G. I don't like that you say hard G. There's no G. There's a G. I want to make sure. Zipper, can we see if there's a G?

This is the largest democratic election on earth, and you're not even taking it seriously. Mahatma Gandhi, it was not his first name. It was an honorific. I don't think there's a G in that one. What was his first name? Brother Bear. I don't know who the fuck I'm talking about. I don't know his first name.

All I'm saying is that people... First name greatest. It was last name ever, first name greatest. And he was on a yacht. Yeah. And he got snapped Thanos style because we said so. Last name Gandhi, first name greatest. Can you keep scrolling until we get somebody with a G in it?

Wait, are we not? Is this prime minister? Am I smoking pot? Is this like, this is not who I'm thinking of. This is definitely missing the guy that I'm thinking of. Is this prime minister? Can we look up prime minister of India? Maybe that's what we're thinking of. I don't think this is.

This is not the list of main guys. This is not where your ego should be going right now. Can you pull up an Indian name till we're right? Stop saying Har G. I don't like you saying Har G. It's got a hard G in it. Can you keep pulling up? Yeah, Modi. Modi.

Right, the G's right there. No, it's because he's from Gujarat. Okay. You kind of nailed that, actually. I won't lie. Yeah, I'm sure you said that right. You slayed that shit. So I'm saying that these...

Fuck. You know what I love about you? You're so culturally sensitive. I could forage in India for sure. You would get dengue fever and fucking die. You both are digging the hole right now. We're digging the hole. What?

Why am I digging the hole? I didn't do shit. I can forage anywhere. I'm putting you in the hole. I don't want to dig the hole with London. I could forage here in your side. Like you. No, he's not cool. He's not chill. I'd like to be in the hole. There's probably thistle root. It's bitter. Thistle root?

It's bitter, but it's eating. You don't want a thistle root? Yeah, you can eat thistle root. You can fucking eat thistle root, you idiots. God, you don't fucking eat anything blue-collar fucking. Why is Forger Ludwig here now, dude? Just fucking have a normal hobby. Yeah, it was Pizza Stone Ludwig.

Wow. Now it's Forger Ludwig. You guys don't even need enough vitamin C. I think I do. You know my new thing is? It's in everything. What?'t even need enough vitamin C. I think I do you know my new thing in everything what walking I got a treadmill desk And I had okay, and I have daily questions We're so excited in a meeting with Derek. He told Terry he's like Terry Terry. I had a treadmill desk like you

You're like new treadmill in a meeting with Tarek. He told Tarek, he's like, Tarek, Tarek, I have a treadmill desk like you. Yeah, you also posted on your Insta story. You're like, new treadmill. Tarek, Tarek, I'm getting my 10,000 steps. We get it, you're lonely. I tried to run five miles before my game ended

and you're in a Valorant game. I, like, don't like conflating with content because it's such like a passion thing. Oh. Wait,

did Poyker ever do that? Like running a marathon in his room? Yeah, he did. He did the marathon in the room? Did he finish it? that Like running a marathon In his room Yeah he did He did the marathon In the room Did he finish it That was someone else

No No he did that No He didn't do this Poinkro did He did do this He did do this It's okay to be wrong

Okay Zipper Look it up When's the last time Everyone was wrong I have never been wrong Well me never We can start from there The hard G thing

Was actually kind of tough Was it Wasn't involved in that. You were kind of part of it because you thought Modi was a president. That's the same to you. And the Monaco thing. Zipper, please tell me that video exists on the Point Gros show.

Either that or he was talking about doing it. It was another guy on TikTok who did the marathon in his room. Or maybe Point Gros 100% told me he was training for it. Maybe I thought he just already did it. Yeah, I remember this. Maybe I thought he just already did it. He never dropped a video of it and I'm sorry that you guys

are wrong, but you have to admit you're wrong now. This is the same as when I said the Harjit thing. You're happy that he got two copyright strikes, aren't you?

He got 20 and I was fucking pumped about him. Wait, he got two copyright strikes? Yeah, two strikes, 20 takedowns. Oh, dude, that's crazy. That's like me in the ring. It's like me in the ring

versus Olivia, bro. Versus Olivia Rodrigo, bro. Two strikes, 20 takedowns. 20 takedowns. That's such a disproportionate number of takedowns and strikes.

She gets right up. We take down, we get right back up. She's real. She only struck you twice, but you took it out 20. Very strong. I don't know why.

The strikes are on me. She's like a Wobbuffet. That'd be like an awesome mod. That is what they say about Olivia Rodrigo in the ring she's like a she's like that pop music Swabafit

yeah so anyway zipper can't find it because point crow did not do this it was a guy on tiktok here he is who did it Augustine McClure

dude in a circle yeah that was the idea he had to switch directions seven hours he kept fucking up his leg for doing it in the same direction oh my god this is awful oh my god it was funny because he made a tiktok and it was like

hey this is really easy to go around in a circle if i just do this like 1 000 times i've run a marathon and then it starts to suck and he has a lot of pain from it yeah i can imagine and then his sequel, I believe, was Walking Up My Stairs Until I've Climbed Everest. Mr. Beast made a career off of this shit. That's the interesting part. Yeah, things nobody else would do. Do you think white room

torture would work on Mr. Beast? He's done that. No, he has not done white room torture. He did 50 hours. He did 50 hours in a white room. Yeah, that's pretty awful. It's not bad. Maybe that's why he got fucked up. But like, it's also somewhat gimmicky

because like, you know, then Carl will come and be like, hey, Jimmy! Woo! What is that? What is he throwing? Pie.

He's throwing a pie? Yeah, he's throwing a pie. He's like, woo! Imagine, imagine the white room torture, but for journalists, like the real one,

still involved Carl Jacobs. Why is it for journalists? Because that's what they that's who gets it mostly. Yeah but it could be other people. But the journalists deserve it.

We are one of the more targeted. I am. Carl just bullies them. God you should put you in a fucking white room. Carl is the only thing

you see that isn't a white room. And it's like it fucks up your perception of reality. You put me in a white room I come out and I fucking kill you. I come out and I fucking kill you first.

I come out, I say put me back in. I go to the round. I like it. I like what you did in there to me. How do they make your poop white? What? There's no way. What are you talking about?

In the white room torture, you have to take a dump. No, you don't. Not me. No. I store my dump in there. Dude, I was driving. This was crazy. This actually happened.

I was driving. I got coffee. I was driving back home. I'm in like a very pretty suburban little spot. And I'm driving down the street. I have my window down. Joy in life. Sun's out.

Guns are out. Which are my arms, not my weapons. They are weapons, myth, I'm coming at you. I'm going to fight you. Kill you. Keep going, keep going, buddy. Stay on track. And I'm fucking, and something just hits me in the side of the head.

It was like, beep. And it felt like, it felt like when, you ever have like something from a tree just fall on your head before? Like in the forest? That ever you guys yeah for sure just like yeah Forests, forests, pine cones, walking through like apples I'm saying yes on that run You got a pine cone or something falling on your head You get a big lump that's going to go straight up and your hat goes up in the air And then it's going

It's all yes Right before a band piano comes down I hate that So I and that happens i'm like what the fuck and i look and i'm still driving home like 30 miles an hour and i look and there's like three kids running down the street the opposite way like running away and i'm like what the fuck's going on here so i whip a u-turn and i speed up and then i go i chase them down and then i go and i park on the side of the road and i come around the corner and it's these three kids they got to be like fucking 12 or

something one of them's like 12 one was like way younger he's like he's like seven or something uh and it's this kid it's like two little brothers like two like way little brothers and he's got this like remember when we went to mr beast's fucking oh the orby shooter yeah he's got like the the orby shooter gun that like shoots like little gel pellets very harmless honestly i think i could have been shot in the eye and still like been pretty okay um but and he's holding it i'm like what the fuck's going on here and he's terrified what the fuck yeah i was like and i come out and i come up to him and i'm like what the fuck's going on here? And he's terrified. You said, what the fuck? Yeah. I was like, and I come up to him, and I'm like, what the fuck's going on?

And you get out of the car? Yeah. I rounded the corner, and I'm confronting these kids on the street. You're confronting 12-year-olds. Dude, what? Dude, you should have got their contact info. I should have.

No, it was very short. Wait, did they look? Were they good at basketball? No, no, no. They did not look like they were good at basketball at all. Sorry. You got walk-up. We're going to settle this on the court.

Hey, kiddos, only one way to figure out who won this fight. It's like in palm basketball. I could try. He goes, kiddo. Actually, palm basketball is extremely hard. Yeah. So I will concede that. I'm talking to these kids.

They're fucking terrified. They've gotten caught, basically. And he's like, oh, what's wrong, sir? And I'm like did you shoot me with that gun like i was driving you you shot me and he's like was that you oh i didn't mean i i just he had like he kept saying like what's wrong and then i'd be like you shot me and he's like oh did i and it's like yes i was driving you shot me in the head he's like oh in the head he's a kid he's scared yeah he's really scared and i'm like and i'm like look you can't do that like i'm cool i'm not gonna

do anything everything's fine but if you shoot the wrong person in the head they're gonna like call the cops you're gonna do trouble so fucking stop doing that stop shooting at people in cars he's like comes up and like dabs me up he's like thank you man i appreciate it what if they beat his ass that'd be so funny oh my god and that was it and then i just walked away but it was crazy because it was just nice to be in that position where it's like i'm an adult now they gave him a learning and i gave him a learning moment where i was like hey you get you're getting off light you should have heard him If you shoot the wrong person You should have heard him with your words Can I just say I was that kid

Everyone was And that did not change I'm gonna do it again That's fine But also it's like I can be a cool person in the world It's like adults in this world Aren't just gonna be fucking angry at you for existing

You could have said pussy boy I didn't call him pussy boy You chill uncle'd that kid I chill uncle'd him But yeah it was really funny You should have made an boy? I didn't call him pussy boy. You chill-uncled that kid. I chill-uncled him. But yeah, it was really funny. You should have made an example out of one of them. I just take one. You take one aside, you cross them up,

and then you go afterwards. Oh my God. So I was like, all right, yeah, be easy, gentlemen. And I was like, hold on. I was like, shoot me in the arm. I want to see how it feels. And then he was like, no. He didn't want to. He thought it was a, hold on. I was like, shoot me in the arm. I want to see how it feels. And then he was like, no. Like, he didn't want to.

He thought it was a trick or something. I was like, come on, just shoot me. It's fine. Like, I just want to see, like, if it really works. Go ahead, take a swing. I want it back. And he's like, no, I don't want to do it. And his little brother is next to him.

He reaches up and grabs the gun. He's like, don't do it. Give me that. And he was like, no. Which is really funny, because the brother was just bloodthirsty. He's like, I'll do it. Give me that. And he was like, no, which is really funny because the brother was just bloodthirsty. He's like, no, we don't shoot people.

We don't shoot people in the arm with this. I think you should have. And I was like, you just did that. You should have had him line up. Yeah. And then you say, give me the gun.

And then you fucking go to town until you're out of bullets. I don't think that would have been good. That would be the funniest fucking thing ever. He's just mowing down a kid with a gun. And then people are driving by. And it's like, goo, goo, goo, goo, goo, goo, goo. And these kids are just like, reloading all fast. Pick up the pellets.

It was such a weird gun, too. It was full of the pellets, like, transparently. It looked like a clob from GoldenEye, if anyone can visualize that it's really weird but uh yeah you know just i'm just keeping the streets safe yeah that's what i'm doing yeah you are this there was a darker version of this in arizona i'm pretty sure when i was going to college there you guys probably remember this yeah it was a i think a 17 year old who would just go to the freeway and yeah no he's 17 and throw rocks oh the rock freeway kid

from you would throw rocks fuck me out to the freeway a car would hit it going 65 and it would just break their windshield sometimes break through super dangerous it was it was bad for all of us yeah so you guys are still pretending that you know what i'm talking about i i wasn't there in high school i only went to asu for college. I moved. Right. But I embarrassingly went to a community college first and then transferred. It's not embarrassing at all. Super chill to do that. I didn't want to. Everything's smart.

During the thing. Shout out MCC. When I went and hung out with Ludwig and we were camping and I was like, I got an associate's degree from ASU Extension. I thought it was the funniest thing I've ever thought of. Does that exist? An associate's degree? Does ASU Extension

exist? I don't think that. Like UCLA Business Extension? I don't think so. And Entourage and Turtle wanted to go to that.

It's called their Polytechnic campus. So you would say I got an associate's degree from the Polytech campus. From Polytech. I draw in CAD

and I can draw and I'm an architect. I got Polytechs. A lot of them. Yeah. Of techs? MASHCAM. Techs are guns.

I got poly... Don't think about it too long. Nah. Now I'm not losing. Yeah. No, for sure. You took it. I did take it from you.

I'll do that. I appreciate that. You'll find that I do that for my friends. I jump on grenades all the time for you fuckers. I wanted to go to ASU so bad when I worked at Starbucks for the tuition. It was on grenades all the time for you fuckers. I wanted to go to ASU so bad, I worked at Starbucks.

For the tuition. It was? Well, now you can shoot online. Work at Starbucks? And miss out on... If you work at Starbucks, you can go to ASU online for free. And miss out on club? Club week?

I'm not... I can't miss club. There's no club week. There was a lot of hanging out at club that you missed. What club? What street? It was club. Club.

On Mill. Ow. Club on Mill. He gets there. He gets there. Club on Mill. of hanging out at club that you missed yeah what club what street it was club on mill he gets there he gets there club on mill that is tight oh you guys know that march is actually girth month girth month but april is earth month well i knew about march because let's be let's be real because you have a sense's be real. Although we all really excited for girth month, we should also be a little more excited for earth month because HelloFresh is always committed to a cleaner planet. I thought it was a day. You can celebrate both.

Hold on. It's girth day. It has been around for ages. I know girth day. You didn't sing the song. We did that for you. We came to your house. We sang the Gershday song.

Which we shouldn't have because you are thin. I guess. You cooked us a dog shit meal. Down there. For me, I feel like Earth Day should be every day. You should always treat your earth like a queen. Well, if you care about the earth, you could subscribe to HelloFresh. Because they use fresh ingredients.

Farm fresh. Pre-portioned, affordable. You know what I hate? Grocery stores. I also hate them and think that we should use weapons on them. I was going to say, the CIA should stop grocery stores from existing

with force. With force. And the MEIA should show up with a HelloFresh deal for them so that it goes under. Yesterday I was eating a lot of thistle and ferns and then I got hungry and I had a HelloFresh, which was nice because that was the only calories I had that day

because the thistle didn't fill me up enough. So you admit foraging is bad. No, because I got a lot of vitamin C. If you don't want to forage, you could order HelloFresh meals like the creamy Dijon chicken. Maybe you could add thistle to the falafel power bowls.

No, don't do that. Most people don't want to forage. Most people on the planet don't want to do that. Foraging would be a step below grocery stores. And we're solving that problem right now. I like foraging through my HelloFresh box. You get the box, you forage through it.

It's pre-portioned. You look at the one pot pork and black bean chili. You can't forage that in the woods. I can forage a lot more than you think, dumbass. Give me the next slide.

I want to forage your brains out of your fucking skull. I want to go to HelloFresh.com slash the yard 50 for 50% off plus free shipping.

Yeah, you're a little scared now, aren't you? I'm not scared of you. I'll scoop that out with my hands. Touch my skull. Ooh. I literally cut you up and pre-portion it and ship you to one of these fuckers to make for dinner.

I'm making it eat it. You need to go to HelloFresh.com slash the yard 50 for 50% off. You grind my nails? I would take your teeth out and put them on my AirPod case. That's HelloFresh.com slash the yard 50. I use you them on my air pods. That's hello fresh I'm crazy the yard 50 America's number one meal kit I would break every bone in your body like twigs

I would take your snatched body and make statues out of you It's extremely easy to do And now back to the episode Back to the episode The episode I was scared sleeping on the 24-hour stream. Really? In the tent?

I had a TTS message right before I go to bed that says, Hey, Ludwig, don't sleep too soundly. I'm coming. And I was like... Was it in Hassan's voice? No, it was in a normal TTS voice. And I was like, well, that's scary. So then I get my fucking Bowie knife and I just sleep with that guy all night.

Which is what you should do in the wild. I was stressing. Also not fun to sleep outside. No? I found out. You were in the tent though. Yeah. You were in a sleeping bag. You were in a warm tent. With no precipitation. No it sucks. It was still shit in terms of like just how hard the

ground is. I guess I have a skewed perspective as I literally sleep on the floor voluntarily every night. But it's carpet right right yeah but it's smashed down pretty good my carpet's like hard wood you can see his butt cheeks in the carpet print i definitely it's a it's a big plush carpet from ikea you can see where i sleep it's very funny it's like a molded what's your what's your ground to bed ratio what's like when you sleep versus... I sleep on the floor. Always? Yeah.

Like, I've slept in my bed once in the past, like, month. What? What? I'm telling you guys. So the ratio is, like, 10 to 1 or something like that. I'm weird for you. Dude, you're weird, and I got fucking roasted for being, like, half as bad as you because I sleep without a pillow.

Pillow. Pillow? Mm-hmm. Pillow? You said it fine. I said it fine. He said it fine. I was just pretending I was Nick Yang. Because, what's his name?

The guy who we're going to hunt down and kill. Joe Rogan? No. A YouTube guy. A kid. Bitch or beast? Who are we talking about? YouTube guy. Me and you are going to hunt him down. No, fucking NFT guy now. Fwiz. Fwiz. What? You're going to hunt him and kill him?

When did you? Yeah. We've made a lot of threats. We're not going to do that. No, no, you guys, to be clear, you're not in this. You couldn't scratch the man. He would fucking tear you to shreds. That's great.

I don't want to be involved in this. So don't hop in. We're doing it. I can do it. We're taking him down. I can do it. Hunting down Fwiz. You might be able to join.

I like this. I like the cut of your jib. You know what I'm saying? I like the cut of your jib because I feel like we could use backup. So we need people who are volunteer violence and you just kind of aren't that? Yeah. Because when we get invaded... You better take it.

I feel like you're trying to exclude me when I don't want to be involved. You're going to take the fall. You're not going. I won't take the fall. Pussy boy? Pussy boy? So if people invade your country, you just let them have it? Yeah.

Because I'm a nomad yeah we'll all be sleeping in tents soon brothers wait so we want to when we find and capture fwiz with a lasso so we're that's separate but he asked for like a review on the same mattress that i have and i just sent a reply that was saying like i i use it it's not that comfy though because i sit without a pillow and so i'm sleeping directly on it and then everyone fucking lost their shit. You know how I sleep. I do know I see you weird. It's not weird. You sleep with we're getting it's cute is how I You could be cute where you come you have a bad do you think a science link bad is happening? Maybe I'm producing less but ch less chum. Chum?

Chum in your balls? There's not as much chum. I mean, it's a getting older thing, you know? Cumming less? Yeah, you just cum a little less. And that's okay. And even when you're young, if you don't cum as much as your neighbor. Don't worry about talking

about young cum. No, I was just saying. I know you were. I know you were. What are you talking about? I i was just saying yeah i know you were i know what are you talking about about the age about the quantity man i'm just saying scientific question society says you gotta put a certain amount of milliliters into the cup right you're not going up to the eyes on a carl's junior cup we know there's a probably unhealthy there's a cast system it is how big the car's a cast system. It is how big the Carl, how many Carl's Jr. Cups for some people. You know, they call it, a lot of people call it a tall. And it doesn't have to be that tall.

It ain't called mud bone for no reason. You fill up three cups, you get a nickname. It doesn't matter. You ever shoot a venti in your day? Yes, I have, sir. Why did you say it like that? I'm an evangelist. I'm a cum evangelist.

I have cum evangelist. I'm a cum televangelist. My cousin's seventh grade. He's 6'4", filling four cups a night. No. Four cups a night. Don't you understand?

No way. Go and be one next year. There was an episode, I believe it was Nip Tuck, which is a plastic surgery drama from the early 2000s. Comedy, right? No, it wasn't a comedy.

It was a drama. It was a ha-ha-hee-hee. No ha's, no hee-hee's. It jumped the shark in season four. I think it was this show, but there was this episode where this lady talked about how she had her adult sons

beat their meat and then give her the cum and she'd use the cum as a face lotion it was crazy and i was like why did they write this like what it was i guess i hope that's based on something true right like i guess they're right we're talking about it now huh i guess they write it they wrote it because now we're talking about it i guess so it's like i didn't manifest that well it really stood the test of time. I think it was a great show until season four. He was a producer at NBC.

Zipper remembers that episode too. Thank you. Producer at NBC is like, you know what? This sounds like a good... Let's bring it back. You know what my wife does? What? That's what you're saying. Why do you say what like you had a wife? I don't know. I was like, why are you talking about his wife now? Imagine I drop on

you guys that I just got sneak married. I would believe believe you I wouldn't if he was just like so I got married this weekend I would be like Well, I would just believe him because he's really funny. I got shot by kids and confronted them this weekend I'm like what's crazy. What would you have done? Um, oh, it really depends who I'm with I think you're alone. I'm alone. You're alone in the whip They would never have shot me because they respect I would probably do the same thing where I whipped the car But I don't think I would have gotten out I think I would have just yelled something at funny out the window

I think I would have been too oblivious of the kids at it. I think I might have yelled like nice shot or something Yeah, I think they would have hit me and I would have swerved like I hit a banana Mario Kart I think I would have instantly assumed a fly hit me in the head. Like a big fly went like, and it hit my head. And I would have swatted at it, and then I would have looked down and saw it.

Here's the correct play. You see it's them. You recognize that these kids have done something bad. You crash your car at max speed, fucking kill yourself, and ultimately end up dead. Forever. They will never ever forget and before you actually

know what's gonna happen so before you put in the will you put the three kids in the will and then when they go to the hospital and they find out you're dead it's like and he had a will and actually he gave you three boys everything yeah and that was his plan all along and then they go to the house and you haunt the house you go haunt the house and then the kids grow up and they want to go to school and you stop them because you're haunting them and but they have your will so they can't leave yeah and so they see you every time they sleep on the ground, and it's like I didn't I I Didn't love you forever five ever it. I love because I love you You can haunt one person who is it alive one a person while I'm alive

I would want you every single day of my fucking life and while we're both alive with my fists While I'm alive. I would haunt you every single day of my fucking life. Every day. While we're both alive with my fists. Relentlessly. You as the haunter are dead, but the person you have to haunt is the alive person. I would relentlessly haunt Aiden and make his life fucking miserable. Just fucking.

It would be, it would be shit for you. And you would also pick Aiden? Um, yeah, I think I'd pick Aiden. Yeah. We would have such a fun time. I would just be like, Aiden! And you turn around and no one's there. And you get really pissy about it.

And you're really mad about it. Like, really small inconveniences. turn around no one's there and you get really pissy about it really mad about it really I would just like I would turn up his music volume by one like every five minutes and he would be like you guys would fuck with the monitor when I'm watching movies on planes yeah you smoke a he does it everyone gets mad at him what do you smoke a yeah you does it. Everyone gets mad at him. Why do you smoke A? Yeah. You could inhabit the voice of Yan.

Do I get to be the voice I want as a haunter? Yeah. He'll never be able to recognize the voice. What about weaponry? What? What is my haunting weaponry? You can't wield material possessions. I think you can only coerce actions that he would otherwise already do.

Oh, it's like Vampire Diaries. Yes. You can only coerce actions that he would otherwise already do. Oh, it's like Vampire Diaries. Yes. Or you could maybe manifest into some items for already existing malfunctions. Could I be like a Cosmo and Wanda style, maybe like a pink lampshade in his room? You can't be the lampshade, but you could maybe make the lampshade flicker if the lightbulb was loose. They can fuck with electronics in my life.

I'd love to do that. Only if the thing is primed. Yeah, if it's primed. Like if, you know, like you can't get a brand new computer and then make it electrocute them. I can't go into the little parts and components of the Haunter and be like, and just. Why do you know so much about ghost technology? I met with a psychic.

Is this what you learned in the woods? I met with a psychic in the woods. What was that like? What was that like? I've never met with a psychic before. Did they hard read your ass? She tried to. She'd throw out lines. She'd be like. So anyway never met with a psychic before. Did they hard read your ass? She tried to. She'd throw out lines. She'd be like,

so, anyway, one of you's getting kicked out because the first thing she says to me, she says, Edward's gonna be big in your life. And my first thought is, I don't know a fucking Edward. Oh, Edward. Edward. Ed. I thought you said N-word. I was gonna say, that would be big in anyone's life.

It's gonna be big in your life. It would bring it all down, wouldn't it? Sometimes the N-word. I was gonna say. Wow. That would be big in anyone's life. It's gonna be big in your life. It would bring it all down, wouldn't it? Sometimes the N-word is Nick. Yeah, she was like, it's all coming down. N-word, Thick Alan. Connect the dots. No! No, she said an N-word would be

big in my life. I don't know an N-word. Maybe Scissorhands. Or maybe Snowden. Well, I found out that one of the people on broadcast's name, Edward. Eddie. Could've been it. Okay, he's gonna be big in your life. or maybe Snowden well I found out that one of the people on broadcast named Edward Eddie could have been it okay he's gonna be in your life

other thing she said the Lakers would lose their first playoff game let's pull up the score this shit blew my mind this shit actually kind of spooked me I'm not even memeing

I tried to put $10,000 on this game I couldn't figure it out I guess if you lose theeing. I tried to put $10,000 on this game. I couldn't figure it out. I guess if you lose the money, it's like, I lost $10,000 because of a psychic? I made a stake.com account.

Los Angeles. And the Lakers won. They won by 16. That's funny. It was a bit of a win. Close game though. Close game. Austin Reeves kind of showed up.

So she was just dead ass wrong. She was wrong as shit on that one. Was there ever a moment where you were like asking her something and you're like alright just for a moment I'm going to be like this shit's real. I really want to know the answer. And you asked. Anything that you were like you thought maybe she could give you insight on. That was the one. I asked her if the Lakers would win.

That was the one that was like give me insight on this. You put her in a weird spot because then she has to just know like how some of the players are feeling that day if they're playing at home literally what psychics do so i well i was trying to like yes and everything like i would never want to feel like she was a fucking off base yeah so she was like for one she's like there's four people close to you and your family and in my head i was like i was like not really she was like yeah like you start including the dog you're like all right

yeah sure so i did so i was like i was like oh my dad's part of it you know like my my father she knows both sides and i was like it's the spirit of my father with us plus my mother and my sister and then myself that's four i was trying to get her to her number she's like yes so including you those five people and i was like ah we were so close we were inches from the goal line where did you hire this lady uh psychics.com really no the 1-800 flowers of psychic

yeah exactly no it's like a local psychic she's been doing it for a minute I believe psychics are real by the way what if we ordered two psychics and we made the mind battle that'd be hype I don't think you think that they're trained to mind That'd be hype. I don't think it's like... You think that they're trained to mind battle? Yeah, yeah, it's like...

I don't think it's like Doctor Strange and they can fucking Dormammu themselves. I think what you do is you hire a psychic to be visited by another psychic. But what would... You'd be like, hey, how would you do this? We should do influencer boxing with psychics. Psychic influencer boxing. psychics psychic influencer boxing yeah and they just beat the shit out of each other

and then they threw each other's minds in the mid rounds didn't South Park do that probably I think psychics are real though what the fuck

I think there are people who have psychic ability like who like people I don't know fucking what do you mean like from birth

yeah what kind of psychic abilities do they always have when they discover them they can well they don't like fucking like from birth yeah what kind of psychic abilities do they always have when they discover them they can well they don't like it's not like twitches the moon see you tomorrow

oh oh oh when they discover their witch abilities when they hit puberty is that what it yeah we watched it I know

but when they hit puberty it wasn't when they hit puberty that's why I was watching it he just included that weirdly it's weird to mention period unlocked powers yes yes tia tamera maury menstruate there i said it you know what someone had to i admit it yeah i'll say anything on this podcast uh i think there are people and it could be people

who don't know they have it who have just never tapped into it who have a more higher inclination for ESP. Yeah, so you're just bored with your life

and want to believe in something. No, I'm not bored. You're a loser. You couldn't shoot a basketball. I think it's done. Whoa, I think it's cool.

Soft hands. You believe that? Do you think I could have psychic powers one day? Maybe? No. One day? Why? Is it something you're bored with?

I don't think you're vulnerable enough. I think anyone could learn psychic powers, but there's probably people who are more prone to being open to it. You don't think Nick could learn? I think he's too old. Are you just thinking of hypnotism? I think hypnotism is a part of psychics. It's part of the church.

Are they like the ultimate players in the psychic community? They're like the... Yeah. Lamer, stupider. Yeah, it's a slower game. It's more gimmicky.

Yeah, it's more gimmicky. Hypnotism's more gimmicky. You can recover with anybody. It's kind of annoying. You know Reiki? No. This is like a Reiki you found

and you give a name to? Yeah, Reiki. It's his friend he made in the wild. Do you guys all know what Reiki is? It's like your tongue goes like this. No, this is like a rake you found you give a name to It's psychic healing where you use your hands to heal yeah Universe Oh Reiki spelled that way yeah, this is just acupuncture without needles It's sure, but it is that shit. I believe in that shit, that shit's real. Bro, you believe in that shit? Kaiser Permanente? Reiki's real.

Yeah. We're very western medicine-pilled, but... The placebo effect works really well. Well, that is true. He's sassy, man. But you can also feel... you can feel it. You ever done Reiki? No, you haven't. Liberal.

All you do is Molly. True. All you do is Molly. All I do? You just go to, like to Coachella and do Molly. Wait. A Reiki master? Okay, now I want to be that.

I just want to have that name. That is pretty based. Healing? Okay, so it's a massage. Which? No, you don't touch them. You don't touch them. So it's a shit massage.

It's energy. Gentle hand movements with the intention to guide the foot. Me and you, we get together every week. We start watching The Gwyneth Paltrow show No I can get behind this I don't want to touch your vagina

I'm raking you You have to go to an area You're also moving a lot You're not raking right You're not raking right Raking You don't say it Like you're

You sound like the monkey From Lion King Rafiki Yeah Put your hands away, Rafiki. You don't like this? Actually, I'm feeling a bit of your energy. I'm healing your leg.

Are you feeling that? No, I'm giving you my energy. You have to go to an injured area. Where are you injured, sweetheart? Where are you injured? Where are you hurt? Unless it's your feelings. I can't fix those.

Oh, he's got an injury next to the coots tattoo hmm they just hover over moan while you moan and rake him I feel like moaning is part of the experience you gotta be vulnerable be vulnerable now I'm vulnerable not being vulnerable you say vulnerable shit while you do it uh and then stop touching me I'm not I'm trying to not touch you yeah I stack your hands like you're doing a Kamehameha. Put them together. Let me. He's twice the power if he stacks.

Yeah. You keep touching my hair. You're not being vulnerable. You're not even moving your hands. Say something vulnerable. You're not guiding the flow of anything. You're just moaning. Move your hands in small circular motions like this. Separate. How do you know how to do Reikiate Separate my aunts a Reiki master

Separate You don't have to be right over the area You can't do it Just small Look at me Really slower I want you to breathe in through your nose I'm not going to be coached on my fucking

Practition Don't you ever coach me on Reiki, you piece of shit. Imagine you went to a doctor and you just started telling him how to do his fucking job. Yeah, and Reiki masters are the same as doctors. You are a doctor. They are. They're the same as doctors. They're healers. Okay. They're healers. Bro.

Oh, so you're like sweeping the evil dust. We gotta kill white women. This is good. It's from Monkey C Medical see this is a start from white women it starts from Those ever keep playing that video Keep playing that we want to see more Reiki you guys sound so culturally ignorant right now. Oh, this is culture Bro, that's that's contact. That's bullshit Can I touch your head like that? No? Oh?

That's contact. That's bullshit. Can I touch your head like that? No. Oh, man. I want to go do this so bad. You want to get Reiki? You'd be able to Reiki. No, I want to Reiki.

And make a million dollars. You guys don't have the vulnerability to Reiki. You don't think? Are you vulnerable with it? You think Helen over here is vulnerable. I don't trust Helen for shit, to be clear. Why is that? That was a master.

She's a Reiki master. I said I don't trust her for shit. So clear. Why's that? That was a master. She's a reiki master. We're watching a master of the craft. So you spent a fucking day in the woods, you come back eating mushrooms on the ground, believing in reiki, which is fine, but you're annoying about it. I believed in reiki since day dot. You slept with a bowie knife because you were scared. You're a shattered man. I can shoot a bow and arrow and kill you.

I could kill you with a gun also, dude. I could also kill you with an Adelaide. That's a city. That's a place in Australia. Yeah. With a whole football team. I could kill you. Yeah, we would do a haku and then kill you.

That's New Zealand. Haka and then kill you. New Zealand, different country. We'd still do it. We'd do it New Zealand style. do it you're saying you're doing new zealand style i i think you you love being the guy who sees something and is all about that now yeah that is a little bit i've been raking since day dot you've been raking since the invention of rakey since my day dot is your day dot this is just come out the womb getting rakey yeah's your pizza stone. I'm tired of this.

It's like a kid. I can heal you. It's like I got a kid. At least the pizza stone made something. I see you're vulnerable. I can heal you. You can heal me? I can heal you.

For one, no you can't. Nobody can. Do you have any back pain? No, I'm good. It's because I healed you. Oh, he was working behind the scenes. I've been doing a little Reiki behind the scenes. You kind of walked into that Reiki.

You know what I mean? This is a Reiki zone. Step into that Reiki. I've been I mean? This is a Reiki zone. Stepped into that Reiki. I've been burning sage. Go work for the CIA then. Is it not cool to forage? I feel like foraging's cool. No, because we can purchase food.

Foraging is, if me and you got stranded, and you were like, don't worry, I know which plants we can eat and which ones we can't, that'd be pretty cool. That's the only content. But if you were like, okay guys, I ate some fucking bushes for fun earlier, I don't look at you and go, that guy's tight.

It's only funny and only a couple times. I think it's cool to be able to live without grocery store. You're not not going to the grocery store or ordering food. I just think it's cool to have the ability. It is, but that's not what you're saying. I want to be a farmer. Because you say you... You want to farm your food?

You want to farm it. Now we're talking. Farmers don't forage. I want a dozen chickens. This is different. This is the opposite of foraging. It's actually a giant step forward to do agriculture instead of foraging. You could play Minecraft.

That's like doing all these things. Technically foraging is step two of planting, you know? Planting a seed in young minds is what I want to do. I would like foraging young minds. That's what I did the other day. I planted a seed in those young minds to not shoot at me. From young seed minds.

I don't want to talk about planting seeds. Why, you hate farmers now? What is it about them you hate? Yeah, I'm in disdain for the working class. We should make farmers only profiles and catfish a bunch of farmers. Catfish how? Like we don't use our own faces?

Yeah, we're like hot farmer wives. Farmer sucks. Yeah, but we can make it better with our profiles and then we catfish them and we film it. It's just a catfish show from MTV, but it's for farmers only. Yeah, I think there's a new dating show out right now called Farmer Wants a Wife.

It only has one season, and it's basically The Bachelor, but with like a couple, there's like three guys who are all single farmers, and then groups of women visit them at their farms, and they see if they fit into the farming lifestyle, and that's how they pick their wife. This rules so hard. And I'm not kidding. It's fucking dope.

They're showing their stats like they're basketball players. Yeah. And one of the women is just a real breathing cow. Hi, Jennifer. I like Jennifer. Oh. These guys look like they suck. Dude, this show rips.

You been watching this? Dude dude i've watched like three episodes wow i i've never liked a dating show up until this one dude they look so fucking can we definitively decide right now our cowboy hats cool or not cool can we just decide dude if you're a farmer no no no no in a vacuum in a vacuum no because then if you're faking the funk it's never cool isn't it just like some people don't fake the funk you can't just say are they cool or not right i can i did just now i think most people it would look lame so it's not cool what about when we went to in and out we went to in and out after a country concert while we were there and it was packed full of country boys and girls.

Okay. There was a lot of cowboy hats. Do you think that that's cool? Did you feel like you were in a cool spot? Here's my rebuttal. What if all those dudes took their cowboy hats off? Would they look cool? Dude, they'd look less cool.

They'd look less cool. That's helping. Cowboy hats. This is just game theory, but with cowboy hats. I think cowboy hats are cool. Wow. Cowboy hats are cool. What if everyone in the internet wasN-Out was wearing cowboy hats?

They were. They were. No, no, no. They employees. It'd be less cool than their In-N-Out hat. The girl at the counter had a really dope In-N-Out baseball cap. That's hype. It was really cool.

I almost asked if I could have one. I thought it'd be weird. The line was long. Cowboy hats are cool. Well, I mean, I wore one. In conclusion, cowboy hats are cool. Well, I mean, I wore one. In conclusion, cowboy hats are cool. This weekend. Cowboys are alright.

Beer is good. Reiki is real. People are crazy. Reiki is real. I want to be a farmer. Just like Chakra and Naruto. Chakra doesn't come from Naruto. Yeah, it comes from Naruto.

Where does it come from then? In basketball, it comes from Space Jam. Dude, I get it. You lay down on the table and then you could have Roseanne gone in like an hour. It's fine, man. Sounds so ignorant. I think this is a good experience for all of us to learn

cultures. We learned a lot today. Yeah, we totally whiffed on the president of India. It's got a hard G. I found out about Reiki. We found out about how Reiki, I healed Ludwig's ailments. He healed my emotions. We learned how to clean a ham.

We learned how to clean a ham. We learned that cowboy hats can be cool. And that me and Ryan shouldn't be kept apart. And when we die, your life's going to suck. I'm going to hunt the shit out of you. When we die, your life is going to suck. It's going to be so... Wouldn't it be nice?

I'll still have my friends. Yeah, but... If we die? Because you're haunting me. You're still around. That's cute. I'm going to make it real hard for you. Every time it's computer, Jesse's going to be like,

here's my friend. I'm going to move your mouse a lot. Yeah. That's not going to be fun. That's frustrating. That's what I'm saying. I don't think as a haunter you're allowed to do that. It's just electronics. See, they got mad. That's frustrating. That's what I'm saying. I don't think as a haunter you're allowed to do that. It's just electronics.

You're not, see they got mad. They said no. But you were, oh my god, you guys are such, you're not allowed to just go into the electronic

and then I'm gonna make the mouse fly around. What do you think? If it uses an optical sensor and those particles aren't affected by fucking material. I have a non-optical mouse.

I think the whole point of haunting is that you're not allowed to fucking sell the bag. You can't, it's like Woody in Toy Story. It's like, I'm gonna haunt you and then I just get a fucking sell the bag. You can't. It's like Woody in Toy Story. It's like, I'm going to haunt you and then I just get a gun.

Yeah. Like, you can't just like, oh, I just got into a gun because it's electronics and I'm floating and shooting you. You're not like the box guy from Danny Phantom. The box ghost? Yeah. Anyway, that's it. That's the whole.

Is that the yard? That's the whole thing. That's the whole bitch we're ready for that premium episode we're gonna we're gonna deliver a hot chum right in your more like premium premium there's no cream there's no chum there's no reiki there's only the patreon uh the kidney stone drink juvie and our minecraft server that you can join in the patreon now if you join the Minecraft server right now You will instantly get a kidney stone

Did I tell you guys about my journey on the horse that talk about that yet? No, I'll tell you the premium horse I had a very crazy Minecraft experience Come on. I thought it was a real horse. We're gonna hear about a digital horse cooler than a real one right up I had a crazy night with my horse in Minecraft. Oh