The Yard - Ep. 96 - Ludwig Spent 7 Days in Disneyland

Episode Date: May 17, 2023

This week, the boys talk about their first memories, what happened during Disney week, and how many years until Ludwig retires.

What's up with this fucking I like this fit He came in here What's up bro Why are you hot loving right now I know I know He came in here and I was up, bro? Why are you hot-loving right now? I know, I know. He came in here and I was like, fuck, he looks good instead of goofy as shit and stupid. Dude, he just needs to put on some goddamn fucking jeans instead of sweatpants.

You know what I'm saying? What's up, bro? No, fuck you. No, because when he wears jeans, they're the big TikTok mom ones and they don't get me hard. Why are you coming fresh off of Disney week looking hot? Disney week keeps me tan. It keeps me moist. It keeps me walking.

We had, okay, so before we start the podcast, we will sit in the other room and just like chill out because Ludwig gets here late. We'll just banter. Speaking of banter. You fart every time.

You let out a huge wet fart in the room. On the podcast. Every time he's equally confused why we don't like it. Why we're upset. It's a very, actually, like like why we're upset it's a very actually like routine thing we have it's that we have a set podcast time noon and then every week

aiden will be like can we do 11 30 and then every week i'll be like no i barely make it at noon and then like about 30 before slime will message i'm late which will be my cue to tag along and be like hey ditto me too too. You say twins. And then I arrive. You're on the floor. You're lying down. Yeah, I have my pillow. I'm like an old ass dog with a ratty pillow.

You've let out a fart. So nobody's talking. Vibes are shot. The vibes are always dead. No, they're not. Yes. No, this is all right. This is all true. The vibes are shot.

The vibes are fussed because it smells like shit. And he's laughing at himself. It's always long and wet. Zipper's usually two packs in out front, just trying to get the smell out of his nose. Uh, Aiden's on his computer doing fuck all. Fuck all! And then- He's scrolling to the bottom of a Google Doc to scroll back to the top of a Google Doc. Oh, he loves doing that.

Oh my god. And he actually did not read the first three scrolls. There's also nothing at the bottom half of it. He just likes scrolling. He was wondering why the flash didn't hit four games ago. And then Nick's wearing something new. Yeah, he's got a great hat today. I'm broken.

Every week, you're wearing something new. That's not what I see. I'm okay. And that's every, every pod. What I was going to say is that we cover some topics that sometimes don't make it in. One, okay, among the topics, one, is Mickey Mouse black? We talked about that.

Two. The answer? No. It doesn't matter what the answer is. You are so obsessed with him being black. He is. He's covered in black fur. By the way, this came up because I'm doing Disney week.

I'm allowed to say this. It's what happens. Because then the dream stands Will put us on the list With banter With Josh Peck With Josh Peck And the Josh Peck monologue

Would kill a dream stand What if we have dream on the pod But we're like really mean to him Is that yeah Would they be happy Would they be like We platformed him But also we were like

We put him on the pod But we don't talk to him This is This is my new My new show for the Patreon Is taking a Dream fan and making them watch Mean Creek. Yes. And recording it. And just seeing how they react.

And we have to kidnap the Dream fan for real. And it's just a smoking pair of shoes after the scene in the boat. God, I would love it. You guys are becoming old people fast. I'm not. I think about this a lot. Really? Because I know what you're about to say.

This is like the version of 50-year-olds sending their kids to get electrocuted. To be clear, it would be totally normal. No, it's not. It would be totally normal for anybody to be upset at that scene in Mead Creek. It's terrible. Yeah, it is. It's not a good scene. It comes out of nowhere, but it's also a movie, and it's also like an examination we can't blame josh for what he's become he was a kid

he was a boy i do like the idea of instead of like a gay reprogramming camp it's just like you like that idea no i don't i'm saying instead of that we just make them like watch movies are you talking about gay people or dream fans no just dream fans okay you just want to send me to that camp I want to send young people who haven't watched movies to go watch movies that have bad words in them we're getting distracted here I don't think if I electrocute Aiden he becomes less gay no I think he gets way more gay yeah it like combines with all the gay electrons in his body yeah and makes him like a- nothing related to being gay. Makes him like gay static shock. Well, that scene of me and Craig is-

Kinda, yeah. He falls in a- He has some words. What is that? You think he falls in a vat of gay? I don't think he evaluates it fairly. Like, statically. He falls in a vat of gay and he comes out-

Like the Joker? One bat- What do you mean, like the Joker? It's how his, uh, it's how his origin story- Oh, I thought you meant he fell in a vat of gay. No, in the killing joke. Right. One gay bad day is all it takes, Batman.

Mm-hmm. And that's in the killing joke. Anyway, I'm at Disney. No. Why can't I tell the story? Do you... Go ahead. Question.

Do you look like this when you're at Disney? Do you look hot as fuck? I actually brought platform Crocs to wear today because I thought it'd take everyone by surprise. Give them a little laugh. Yeah. today because I thought it'd take everyone by surprise. Give them a little laugh. Yeah. The ones I've seen? Yeah.

Sheesh. No, you're not wearing them now. It's different ones. Different ones. Do they have heel Crocs? Yeah, that's what I have. You look sexy in heel Crocs. Four inches.

I'm 6'7 in them. What? No, you're not. That's just four inches plus my license 6'3. Let's not talk about this anymore. Anyway, it's Disney week, Which you guys know about right? I did it last year you only said it in passing as if it's like a known thing You did say it with the air of shark week everybody knows what Disney week is no

There's a week where you go to Disney every single day every single day like all people do me and cuties family and a gaggle of kids Okay, so you're not part of her family. Just found the kids separately. It's like a Big Brother program, but they fuck off after a week. Bunch of kids. Okay. And we're going to Disney every day.

And they have a new ride in Toontown, which is Mickey's Rockin' Railroad. Can you pull up Mickey's Rockin' Railroad Goofy? He looks so... That's a Brian Silva quote. NS's rock and railroad goofy? He looks so That's a Brian Silver quote. NSFW at the end. He looks so fucking high. He looks high? He looks fucked up. I don't know. He's chiefing? He looks bad. Okay. Goofy. He looks bad. Can you pull up his goofy zipper?

Give him a second. Zipper! Sorry. I like yelling at zipper. Because sometimes he'll yell back and it's a big zip noise. Yeah. And you have to evaluate if it's like a good zip or a bad zip. Anyway, hottest newest ride, which means we had to ride it a bunch of times. Is that what that means?

Yeah. Because all the kids haven't done it. You'll get off a ride. Oh, wait, hold on. Will you get off a ride and go back on the ride immediately? It depends. I did that yesterday because we went on a Star Wars ride. Yeah.

Long wait. So it's a hot commodity. The moment we got off, someone recognized me and they said they could get us through Fast Pass. So we went on a second time. Okay. No, that's fine. But normally outside of the context, no.

Okay. How long did you wait the first time? Two hours? It was like 45. Oh. To get on. What are you guys talking about in line? Like, I'm really excited for this ride.

I'm really good. My job in this group is kid distractor. Oh. Yeah. So I'll make him do dangerous acts like hanging upside down or this game you ever play the fingers game? Like the sticks? Yeah.

Is that what you call it? Yeah yeah yeah sticks. It's the one where you tap somebody's finger and you add it. Do you make them form a pyramid? Do you play with Combinesies or no Combinesies? You can splitsies on even numbers but no Combinesies is cringe. Yeah it's cringe. Well it's a new meta but. Do you make them Combinesies or no Combinesies? You can Splitsies on even numbers, but no, Combinesies is cringe. Yeah, it's cringe. Well, it's a new meta.

Do you make them form a pyramid sometimes? Like the kids? Yeah. No. Why? There's so many of them. Because the line is moving. You should tell them to play Jay-Z songs backwards and listen for Lucifer, Lucifer.

666. No, imagine you get them to make a pyramid and then they have to keep formation and move in the line. That's fucking hype. That's challenging. You should get all the them to make a pyramid and then they have to keep formation and move in the line That's fucking high. That's challenging. You should get all the kids to build a pyramid. What? Why would they be the pyramid? You guys are- I wanna build a pyramid. We should put kids in a pyramid. Why do you want to build a pyramid now? I think it would be- I need a legacy I have a question if you had to entomb one of Cutie's child relatives into a pyramid like a sarcophagus Do you have Rockin' Railroad goofy up zipper?

Because I need to get out of this entombing conversation. I like, if you have to entomb this thing. Also, it's definitely not, that's definitely not a word. Yeah, it is. It's a verb. No, entomb. No. No, you put them in the tomb. That's like a Pokemon move.

Okay, if you had to entomb one of these kids. Yeah, look at him. Okay. Oh. Look at him. Wait, which one's his eye and which one's his. The top of his eye. Those are glasses, right?

We're looking at a picture of Goofy from Rockin' Railroad, and he looks, if you don't know, fucked up. His eyes are like yellowish, like he just smoked a pack, his teeth are yellowish. So he's wearing glasses? He's, uh, no, he's wearing no glasses right there. Yeah, why is he jaundiced? What's in the middle? What are they in the middle? Above his nose and below his pupils.

That's like his below- his below eyes, like he's looking up, he's doing this. Really? Why are his eyelids lighter than his eyes are? I'm trying to show you, I'm doing it. He's got puffy eyes. I'm doing it. Yeah, he's's looking up. He's doing this. Really? Why are his eyelids lighter than his eyes? He's got puffy eyes. I'm doing it. Yeah, he's got puffy. He's doing it. He's a fucking druggie.

Anyway. I think it's when Goofy gets cirrhosis. This is canon. He's riding us around the whole railroad. And then at one point, I don't know. Should I say it? I don't think you should. All right, I'll pass.

Oh my God. Yeah, he looks fucked up. He keeps calling Mickey a nickname that makes me uncomfortable. That's all. That's all. I think you should say it. No, the M word. He tells him the M word.

He's dropping the M word and I'm just not comfortable because I don't know Goofy's background. Yeah. And there's all these kids around and he keeps dropping it casually. You could just say Mickey, right? Like that's already he's extending mickey's name yeah and it's not good he doesn't need to throw an s on the end with the hard r yeah it's crazy it's making the rest of us uncomfortable even the kids well the kids i don't think understand yet they don't know they'll get there you haven't taught them the lesson

of racism yet no i'm to show them that static shock episode. That ever does go hard. It's a great episode. We've got to broach them lightly. You've got to make them the pyramid and you entomb one of them. One lucky winner in the child pageant will be put in a pyramid. No pyramids. And entomb is also not a word, by the way. And treated like a pharaoh.

Is it entombed? It's not a word. That's what Ray says. How about if you had to entomb one of us three in a pyramid put you in a fucking pyramid aid Yeah idiot have a fucking English degree and you have a fake one. I don't have a fake one It's a very legitimate degree. You literally can't name four books Can they be children's books? four books?

Can they be children's books? Yes. Green Eggs and Ham. You're letting him do this? He won't do it. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Not children's books. They don't have to only be one or the other. You can't combine them. Child books, child pageants. Ender's Game. That's for kids. That's for kids. Animal Farm.

The Bible. You only have books you get told to read in school. Odysseus. Odyssey. He only has books you get told to read in school. Odysseus. Odyssey. He only has books that are found in a hotel drawer. The Iliad. No, it's an honorific thing.

That's what Aiden was saying. So I was mad because I want to be in the tomb. Are you alive? I'm imagining you're dead now. They take your brains out. They put you in the tomb. There's gold cats everywhere. But you are remembered as Slime the Great. Yeah, and then one day Mario comes in and he finds a few stars in there.

What have we told Slime? He throws his hat on your body and spins around. What have we told Slime? We're gonna put him in a tomb and call him Slime the Great, and we like convinced him and they died and then we just like... Hurt him? We put him in like a butt castle. He would haunt us. And it said the butt lord.

Well, I'm the wrong guy to pull that one on. That's my tomb. True. Those are my pyramids. He's looking down like, all right, I'm down with butt lord. It's fine. I think he's trying to find any reason to haunt us, and I think that'd make him more powerful. I'll haunt you guys no matter what.

You already said you'd haunt me. Yeah, I'm just a spiteful guy. Yeah, but I think you'd get more haunting powers if you were wronged. Of course. Yeah. You wouldn't- that's the thing, that's the difference, you would never haunt. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Zipper says he found something.

He never does this. This is like Blue from Blue's Clues. Oh, it's Goatseed! Oh, have you seen this? Where is this? Is it the same thing? Wait, what? It's in the same ride.

Yeah, wait, I know where that is on the ride! When you go, in Disney Week, you should teach all the kids what this means. Wait, what the hell? If you don't- Okay, if you're an audio listener, we're looking at part of the Rockin' Railroad ride, and it is- it is- it's a goatsie. It has two hands. Those pinkies are doing-

Two gloved Mickey hands! It's supposed to be misfortunes, like a fortune teller's ball, but it's actually inserting into the center of the ball and spreading it and it's a dark century aura that's oozing out is this why you were talking about poppers earlier no i just i don't know why i said that his pinkies are fucking bending yeah it's a mickey mouse gloved hand holding an asshole open i will say the ride is fucked up like there it, it is like, it's an edgier ride. Yeah. Well,

I, I, it is because of what they said. Oh yeah. It's like as edgy as it gets. I mean, when you get towards the end, they talk about critical race theory.

You shouldn't be teaching that in school. Do they have gore? Which is, it's weird. Why is DeSantis anti-Disney? He should be on board. Well, the Disney world one,

they're just like, everyone's gay. The Disney world one, it's the opposite. The Disney World one, they're just like everyone's gay. Everyone's gay there. The Disney World one, it's just a bunch of non-white people being eaten by gators. And they're like, this is just what happened in history. I don't know what to tell you. What was your question? Do they show gore?

They skin Donald. They skin him. Like in Red Dead? Have you ever skin him. Like in Red Dead? Have you ever skinned an animal in Red Dead? I've never done that. When you kill an animal, and this isn't accurate because I've watched skinning videos. Wow. Wow.

What animals did you watch get skinned? Arthur Morgan takes like a beaver and he'll just rip it out of its pelt. And I'm like, that's not how that works. Because I watch a camping video where a guy skinned a squirrel and it's really hard. That's a different animal. I thought you watched like like people who build computers and stuff. It's a pipeline. But anyway that's a huge tangent. They show gore and you had fun at Disney week. How close are you to the alt-right pipeline from your current content? I'm fairly close but I skirt the line you in a pyramid. How close are you to the alt-right pipeline from your current content? I'm fairly close, but I skirt the line, you know?

I'm like grinding 50-50 on the pipeline. That's not good. And like I'm Chad Muska with the boombox. Yeah. I don't think... The boombox is on the right side, though. Nebula doesn't have an alt-right pipeline. I...

No. I don't think anything does. Japan videos have a deep alt-right pipeline. Yeah, believe that, but not... I feel like Nebula is a bunch of I don't watch a lot Of nebula. I've only watched the modern conflict series and then there was that guy that roasted real-life lore Well, I'd like a year ago I say that great video and he literally called him like discount Wendover and there's like beef among the educational

YouTubers I think the guy who runs real-life floor is friends with Sam no maybe but he's still the guy still roasting him on it Tariq accent? Hi, bro. I hang out with him weekly. I hang out with him weekly. We're friends, no? What do you want from me? We're friends, no?

I caught myself doing it. I was playing Valorant. It's really hard not to. Yeah. It's also not that bad of an accent because it's more apologetically speaking. It's an affirmation. It's involving someone else.

But dude, sometimes, I swear to God, people say shit that they know the answer to that's really obvious because they want to say no well give me an example like uh like like there's noise on b and they'll be like they're b no like something like that it's like we all know they're there it's not a debate you just want to hear yourself say it because it's fun dude it's like tarik nick's girlfriend he we were we were driving back from a wedding this weekend and she was like we were talking about like, let's get Boba on the way back.

And she was looking at her phone, she's like, oh, we got to get gas. I hope that's okay. And I was like, I know, like, it was essentially we got to get gas, no? And it's like, this is not a conversation. We have to get gas to go home. This is not like a thing that we like I can say no to She said, is that okay? Yeah, then he punched her Yeah, then I punched her in the fucking face

God damn it Tired of her shit Yeah, I'm glad you stood your ground this time Finally, you know what? I wouldn't even say you're grinding on it Yeah, it does feel like you hopped over Nah, I'm chill.

I'm chill. We had a great time at the wedding. We had a great time at the wedding. Oh my god. Who got married? Our friend Video Waffles got married. He was a Smash player. That's his Christian name.

His wife's name is now Mrs. Waffles. David is not a man of many words. I don't know if you guys have met him. But very, you know, he's pretty quiet. But when he does talk, he's very to the point, very matter of fact about things. And when he was on, when they were doing their vows, he had this very long, profound, like very beautiful vows. I even heard V Money and American Dragon David Chong's girlfriend both crying

yeah it was very touching did you guys cry? I didn't cry because it was actually flexing and showing people my muscles at the time and it was looking really good I was like I just tipped the brim of my face hat so I couldn't see them talking it was raining for you

I'm like this listening. I'm like, this is really beautiful. Yeah. Seems disrespectful, but. And I'm wearing this. Dude, so I wore a Marlboro hat to this wedding, by the way. Really? Yeah.

I forgot I took it with me. I forgot I had it on my head and then I hid it somewhere in the venue to get it back later. Yeah, you hid it. So I wouldn't be disrespectful. Should it be fucked up, no? It's not, because I hit it, no?

Fair. So we're at the wedding, no? So he does his vows, right? And then after, they kiss, man, wife, etc. And then we're doing the cocktail hour and they're doing their rounds

saying hi to everyone. And I think it was maybe Neva or someone was like, I didn't know you had that in you, like those words in you. And no beat skipped. He goes, yeah, chat GBT wrote it.

And I'm like, you're fucking joking. And he's like, no. I was like, this is the future. Yeah. He made a crowd of people cry at his wedding and he wrote his vows with AI. Are you allowed to leak this? Oh, no, she knows.

Oh, my God. She knows. He was like, she knows. It's fine. fine and i'm like you guys are perfect yeah you guys are perfect it's the best relationship of all time absolutely perfect for each other i couldn't believe it it was actually it was touching it when you guys people are younger that are listening and stuff like your friends will start getting older and getting married and you'll have you'll be going to weddings and every time i go to one, I'm like, this is so nice. These are two people that love each other, and I get to be here. I actually got little tummy butterflies.

It felt good. I know, I'm being a little... You don't like that? You don't like what he says? I'm being a little of a wall reward right now. But watching David, a person who plays Sheik in Super Smash Bros. Melee... What's your hand? What? Soft hands. Yes, sir.

Basically, just like, I don't know, get married to someone he loves and they're like perfect for each other. He's wrote fucking chat GBT vows. I'm like, this fucking rules. Yeah, you like marriage. I just like the idea of my... Are you getting married one day? I like the idea of my friends being really happy with people. Yeah. It's really tight. Marriage can be

cool. Yeah. It can be a cool wedding. Weddings can be cool. When you get married, can I be in the pyramid? You won't be there. Can I be in the wedding pyramid? Can Aiden be in the pyramid? We're not doing a pyramid. I would like to be in the great wedding pyramid, please.

Let Aiden be in the pyramid. Please. Can I be in the pyramid? You probably only get like four or five guys, and it would really mean a lot to be in the wedding pyramid. You guys can make a pyramid the three of you picture this you cutie two pyramids on each side of your friends but Ted people the bridesmaids here at the Grusin's

pyramid you hold the whole time and we hold it the whole time because I've worked I've done core in the 12 months we've been up this. We're the stairs up to the stage. Is it a 3, a 5, or a 9? You can step on us. It's a 9. 5, for sure. How many friends you got? 9's too crazy. How many friends you got?

I got 9 friends. You got 9 friends. She can find 9 friends. No shot, you got 9. And then we fucking... You got 9 day ones. You didn't get invited to Pogge's birthday. That's true.

So you're straight down there. You're actually a streamer community. They know you're sunsetting, so they're not inviting you. Oh, you did get invited. Why were you there? Yeah, and you still think you could get nine people for the wedding pyramid. They literally looked at me and said, sunsetting. I didn't go to Pokimane's birthday. I actually wanted to go to Disneyland seven times in a row. That's why I didn't go, because I wanted to go seven times.

I wanted to go on the racist gator ride. Yeah. It's not racist. I was actually at Disneyland for a full week. That's why I didn't go. Sorry, Poki. I'm on my sixth day of going to Disney. I'd love to go, but I'm on my seventh day. I couldn't make it to the thing you invited me to. For real.

But if you want to be on my wedding pyramid, like whatever. You guys can't be my wedding pyramid anymore. You didn't want me in there in the first place. Well, obviously. Here's what's going to happen. We're not going to invite her to Ludwig's wedding. We'll have a second wedding, which is Ludwig's wedding, but she's We're not going to invite to Ludwig's wedding. We'll have a second wedding, which is Ludwig's wedding,

but he's not invited. And we'll call Ludwig's wedding. That would be so funny. And everyone comes and Ludwig's not allowed to come. We'll get like a statue that looks like Ludwig. We'll get a cute sandbag Ludwig,

two wedding pyramids. Oh my God, two wedding pyramids, nine, nine, easy. You're a pyramid of buckle. All of the seats are just pyramid-shaped groups. Like, you're in pyramid nine. It's really awkward because it's with, like, the cousins, too.

You're mixing with all the random people. You know, in that movie, that Portuguese movie, where the platform goes between levels of the prison and that's how they eat, the food is fed to each table to the top person first and they can eat as much as they want and then they hand it down to the next level of the pyramid. That's right. And they do that over and over. I get why he said that Portuguese movie

and then also said platform instead of saying... Is it called the platform? Yeah. I didn't remember. It's also such a unique movie but I do like the idea of letting Portugal have one. Give it to Portugal. Yeah, Portugais. Portugais. Portugais. Anyway, so we figured it out. We figured it out. Why didn't you go to Pogi's fucking wedding idiot?

Bro, she didn't get married. Her pyramid wedding. Did she invite, did she invite you to be in her wedding pyramid? There's, she's not getting married. She got married to Dream. Everyone deleted the photos. Everyone's really mad. Everyone's mad because they didn't know it was coming. And the photos are incriminating. Yeah. Which is just them standing together. I now pronounce you Pokey and Dream.

You're the guy? Now I'm the guy. Okay, alright. No, but why didn't you go? I went to Disney! I walked 20,000 steps. It was Disney day dot. That was day zero for day one for you go? I went to Disney. I walked 20,000 steps. It was Disney day dot. That was day zero for day one for me. And I went yesterday.

I'm going today. I'm going tomorrow. I'm going four days. Oh, it's still Disney week right now? We're still in Disney week? I'm going to Disney after this. Holy shit. Yeah, remember?

He wanted to schedule this way later. I was going to do it later to go in the morning, but I decided to flip it. Flip flop. Nobody replied when I said late. You look so fucking good right now. Why are you saying great with like a sexual attitude oh oh that's new are those crocs brand new yeah they're so shiny they got they are they look like you got them shining union station got some brand new crocs yeah i'm going to disney

i like going to disney i like hanging out with the kids because they're they don't know shit i'm a genius yeah it's so cool yeah you're an adult who has lived some life. I taught him this game. So you're punching them? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I get them every time.

And kids are so good. If you don't know, I'm doing the game where you put your- The circle beneath your waist. The circle beneath your waist. If you look, you get to punch somebody. Did you teach them the counterplay, or you just didn't say it? No, I taught them the whole game. I taught them the counterplay. So if you don't look at it, but you get your finger into the hole you look you get to punch somebody. Did you teach them the counterplay or you just didn't say it? No, I taught them the whole game.

What's a counterplay? So if you don't look at it, but you get your finger into the hole, then you get to punch them. Yeah. Okay, in my school we did not develop this counterplay. It was purely blood sport. It was only attack based gaming. Yeah. The defense is very hard to get, but I taught them that.

But they walk up to me, they'll be like, Ludwig. Ludwig. They love you. They love you. Yeah, and I'll be like i'll be like guys come on and then but i'll walk up to them i'll drop my phone loudly and then i'll go down and then they'll be like oh and then you get a running start like happy gilmore yeah it's great this guy hit him i hit him as hard as i can on the shoulder there's one of the kids they don't cry't cry. What do they know? One of the kids limping through the Disney line just silently.

He's like, what's wrong? He's like, nothing. I just, I didn't play well today. I deserve this. How old are the kids? Like old enough to be Simon basketball, you know, but young enough that they're not at fourth grade yet. That's like such a big range.

You can go play him today. You want to play them? I would love to dunk on those little fuckers. You can't dunk on any human. Dude, can we invite the professor to play after and hurt little kids in the ankle region? You want the professor to play the kids? I thought you wanted the professor to play slime.

That's so much more interesting. Yeah. No, because he would, like, it would be, like, really sad. It's like the professor, and slime. There's so much more interesting. Yeah, no cuz cuz he would Like it would be like really sad It's like the professor and he's like a little wash and he's like middle school and Dyson everybody up Disguising myself as a teacher and destroying middle school A new principal. I'm wearing a suit. It's actually a genius idea. It's a good idea. He's pretending to be a sub. Yeah Yeah, you should pretend to be the principal.

Wait, I was going to say something about those fucking little kids, bro. Oh, wait, what did you call the game in school? We called it the square game.

Oh, we didn't have a name for it. I don't have a name. We called it a name and there was no counterplay. I kept calling it the gentleman's game. It's a circle.

Why would you call it the square game? I don't know. I thought about that a lot when I was a kid. The gentleman's game. You made that's a circle why is it square i don't know i called i thought about that a lot what else you get the gentleman's game you made that up yeah because like one time like there's they had a fight about like ah you looked and he's like no i didn't look i was like it's a gentleman's game you get to call yourself if he says no it's a no you're teaching them ethics yeah oh yeah i'm teaching despite mickey trying undo that. I like speaking to kids like they're fully grown adults.

And I use words they for sure don't know. Like I was teaching about malicious compliance. Because kids love that shit. They love malicious compliance? Yes. Yeah. Like for example, I was like, okay, we have to stay in this area. And then they're like, what if I run around you in this area?

Does it count? I'm like, it's malicious compliance. But yeah, it technically counts. Whoa. That's whole kids. You don't talk to us like that. If you don't touch me, they'll be like. And they're like, you're not touching me, but it is malicious.

You should teach him about journalistic manufactured consent. No, today is about the war in Kudur. You should ask them about the death penalty. Oh. Like, what do the kids think about it and like naturally yeah, that'd be hype Why would I ask them last year's what's your oldest when someone stole all your Legos? Should you they be able to die? Like should we kill them kids are very all or nothing like when I was a kid It was like everyone was being like nuke it just nuke it. No. I don't think so

I think we don't give Chris up because sometimes you like Should die We don't give Chris up because sometimes he's like, I don't know. I think if he stole Star Wars Legos, he should die. But if he stole like 100 Legos, then maybe we killed him. But he only stole some Legos. He only stole 50 Legos. He's just jailed for 20 years. Aiden, take your hat off. What is...

You been in the sun? Put it back on. You been in the sun all day? I've been in the sun a lot, bro. Put it back on. Put your hat back on. I've seen enough. Put it on. I've seen enough.

All that time in the sun, Aiden, I'm worried about you. I don't think you're protecting your skin. I'd like to put you on a rocket aimed toward the sun. I'd like to put you and your future son on a rocket. It's one you like, and it's for fun. Why does my son have to go? Aiden, if you just had native sunscreen on, you wouldn't look so fried and burnt like you do. You know what I'm saying? You wouldn't look so freaking fried and burnt. Freaking fried, Aiden. You wouldn't look so fried and burnt like you do you know what I'm saying So freaking fried and burnt freaking Friday

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what that is, so stop talking to me. I can spell zinc. Not oxide. He left that out. He left that out on purpose because he couldn't spell it. Aiden, Aiden, facts are, read this out. Read this out, spell zinc. Not oxide. He left that out. He left that out on purpose because he couldn't spell it. Aiden, facts are, read this out. Read this out,

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Rosé, sweet peach and nectar, and the unscented ones. And you cook it unscented if you just like the feel. If you want to do a little chuggy like this. My skin is fine. Your skin is not fine. Oh, your skin's not fine. You need help. You need help. And Native can help you. So smell and feel fresh all day with Native. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com slash the yard. Use promo code the yard at checkout. That's nativedeo.com slash the yard. Or use promo code the yard at checkout for 20% off your first order. I'm going to put you in a rocket and send you into the sun, and that will be the end I ever see of you.

Don't you understand? It's also the end of this ad read. But yeah, last year I asked them what their oldest memory was because they were like five to seven and I thought that was Interesting now as adults are what's your oldest memory? You gotta give me a split for the doctor Bro in there is unbelievable He passed him that big word. The chief in there is unbelievable.

And the doctor goes in. Ma'am, your son is incredibly big. What's your oldest memories? Well, I learned about fucking... It fucked my whole world up. My keys are stuck in the chair, guys. I won't lie. I can't move.

I'll leave it there for the rest of the show. You're tethered. I just got tethered. I learned about constructive memories kind of recently, where when you're a kid, things will happen to you and leave impressions on you and then like 10 years later you'll form because you can't actually remember what happened that long ago in your life your emotions that are left over will construct a memory and you'll believe it and ever since i learned that i was like i don't know if i remember anything actually that's how i

feel about what i used to thought was my oldest memory, which is I had a memory. What's what I used to thought? Used to think. Used to have thoughts, you know what I mean? Oh, my God, I lost them. Well, now you won't share my memory anymore. I want to hear your memory.

I'm sorry. I think fake memories count. I think maybe this was constructed in a dream, but I remember this from childhood and it's this vivid like memory of me taking like a Hot Wheels car and driving it

over the blanket that was on my mom's hospital bed oh my god oh my god that's so touching that is very sweet I'm sorry

it threw me off I thought you were I thought you were seeing it in a movie holy shit but then I learned about the same thing and I wondered like

because I was just so young when it happened. So I was like, fuck, most of that has to be manufactured, if not all of it. It was the first time I had a romantic encounter. And it was preschool. And there was a girl who was chasing me around in the playground. And then she jumped on top of me on the slide. And I was looking up. It was in the the movie when you're a kid you see the girl you like for the first time I was like oh my god this is crazy I've never felt

this before I have a picture of her memory of that yeah I'm I in mine is I was weird a kid there was one time I wanted to make oatmeal like my mom was making like the packets and I would just I put dry oatmeal into a bowl and put in the microwave for 10 minutes. And it caught fire because that's what happens. But the earlier before that, I remember this because I remember where I used to live. And it was a very distinct memory. And I think I'm right. I think I'm good on this one because I was, I had a bed and I had this like little plastic

tool set where it's like plastic screwdrivers and hammers. And you're just like, you'd be a kid and you just slam tools. And I was looking at it and it was just after I woke up and I said, what if today, uh, what if everything from here on out is a dream and I wake up and it's this moment. So it's like my whole life goes. And then I wake up and I'm back moment. So it's like my whole life goes and then I wake up and I'm back when I was like three years old looking at the tool set. You think that now, not when you were three?

No, I did think that when I was three. This sounds like one of those moms who's like my kid talked to me today and then said, isn't America going to become gay because of the last few months of trans people? I also was really good at reading early on. You're three. I know. I have a really early memory where I on. You're three. I know.

I have a really early memory where I was doing a word search with my mom in bed, and I'm like, well, I'm looking for happy, good, and day. And then she freaks out because I can read really good. One time I played Boggle with my mom, and I played Come. That's so tough. I remember this. I was four, and there was a car in my mom, and I lifted it with one hand. My mom said, you're really strong.

I said, uh, auto monopia. I can have a really big vocabulary. These are core memories. I'm like certain about like the two oldest ones are both from when I was four. And one is, uh,

being in my grandparents living room and jumping up and down on the couch. Them telling me that I shouldn't jump on the couch because I might hit my head on the coffee table and then flipping over and hitting my head in the coffee table and that's why I have this scar on the back of my head that's what we need physical in like what proof that these memories happen so that was good so these kids at Disney I should give them scars I also ironically remember where I was when 9-11 happened, which is also when I was four.

Bro, you're Canadian. Stop fucking culture-vulturing. Yeah, it is actually so crazy. I was kidding. My Canadian memory of 9-11. The Canadian 9-11. The Trudeau blackface. Yeah, I was at Timmy's, and I was like, fuck.

Canadian 9-11 is when Drake started sounding like... Who would do such a thing? It's when Drake started sounding like he's from Barbados. They're like, no! He's our fucking guy. You're stealing the whole shit. I think my earliest is like five or six. I'm in France.

Five or six is so late. I know. You're a stone idiot. I don't think... I think a lot of the later ones, I've formed memories mostly based around pictures. But I don't know if they count. There's pictures from before that I remember and I can think what happened.

But it's from accounts of other people. But I remember being five or six in France on a balcony. And then my cousins were trying to get me to yell, I love George Bush. And I was rocking it. I was like, I love George Bush. And it made everybody laugh. And I was like, I don't know is this funny, but I fucking love that guy The same cousins that fucked with you when they Gave me a butt Eminem. Yeah, French people are fucking evil. No, they're fucking evil people

It was good for the world. We took a vow for them. Yeah, I think that's my earliest. So anyway, asking six-year-olds with their earliest is cool. Yeah, because maybe they have a deeper, like, they can go farther back in time. I asked one of the girls, she was

like six, and I was like, what's your earliest memory? She's like, I was eating strawberries when I was two with my mom. You're like I fell asleep No, you didn't that's actually a constructed memory you fucking Just compliance You should teach them shit that isn't malicious compliance, but call it that and they'll grow up thinking they're smart But they're wrong and they'll get proved wrong. I really I that and they'll grow up thinking they're smart but they're wrong and they'll get proved wrong i think i think i learned shame i did that i did this i literally did this what is what is the shakespearean play that lion king is based off of uh ratatouille no uh oh it is macbeth okay then

never bottle rocket because i confidently told him i was like based off shakespeare's macbeth they're like who's shakespeare and i'm like you're gonna learn about it in ninth grade and they're like okay but i was like i was like oh maybe it's not Macbeth and they're gonna walk around being like yeah Lion King's actually Macbeth and then be wrong and then they form like a literary theory about something oh it is wrong oh thank god it's Hamlet yeah so those kids are fucked those kids are okay I told him most of the tragedy they're all the. Were you the one who told me this? That there's like that Japanese cartoon movie with a lion and Lion King rips it like one for one. And it came out before Lion King did.

There we go. It's too white. Wait, that's it? Yeah. Wait, that's bar for bar. There's like a Japanese cartoon lion movie that Lion King, and the irony is like when they were marketing that movie before it came out,

they're like, it's a completely original story, all these things. Is that a mouse? Do they fuck the mouse? No, I think it's the child of a lion that looks like a mouse. It shouldn't. Mice are not lions.

Wait, that is actually very similar. And I'm brave enough to say that. They literally have Mufasa in the moon. They have the sunrise shot. Wow. Dude, that's actually insane. You should know about this. I should bite more shit.

That's a Yonkin twist if I've ever seen one. Not much of a twist. I guess they just made it American. They made it American. Yeah. They put a Del Taco in. That's the big twist. With all the light hits.

Yeah, look at the shot. Yeah, that's actually crazy. Yeah, I thought this was wild. That's good, though. You know, it's like thought this was wild. That's good, though. You know, it's like American-made movies. Kind of cool. We got... Hey, look, we invented the assembly line, okay?

Right. We've done enough. And school assemblies. And school assemblies. That's huge. And assembling bionicles. So we've got... That's a Danish thing.

What's funny is most American pride songs are just parodies of British ones. Wait. Like American Tear and like God Save the Queen. That was a skeptic song first. My Country Tisity. That's just like the main song for the UK. Did you guys ever sing the song about the Air Force in school? There's an Air Force theme song no way and we fucking you're saying Air Force theme songs in color. Yeah. Yeah in Colorado grown up

We learned all the military we learned the Navy was bowing You look it up or give it a workout look up the Air Force theme song and I literally know we had it drilled into our Head because it was the Bush Gore election. We actually had a mock election. We were in fourth grade There was a party. It was crazy. Can you imagine they run the recount and they're like this classroom a god? Yeah, oh Fuck bro Lyrics yeah He's playing it. Yeah. Oh, fuck, bro. Are there lyrics? Yeah.

Into the wild blue yonder, off we go. You were indoctrinated. This is crazy. You were indoctrinated, bro. Slime wakes up. His hair regrows. He runs out of the room. He's like a military general.

He makes a slime-shaped hole in the wall, running out. This sounds like fake propaganda in a movie. Vahoma, spouting our flame from under. Hell of a roar, we are allowed to say that. This is what they show from like a documentary about North Korea to show how corrupt it is. That's how they let you say hell in school? Dude, that's pretty cool. Not if you can stop the US Air Force. I can't believe you guys didn't sing this fucking dope ass shit.

I can't believe this exists.'t sing this fucking dope ass shit. I can't believe this exists. I'm having a moment right now. They really made us sing that. Like all of you? Yeah, in the class. You know what I do have a memory of? It's my first day at school in America and saying the pledge for the first time and I was I didn't know what what to do all the kids got up and said it and I was like what is going on it's crazy that we could all we probably have all not done it in a decade but we could all easily rip it

it's a singing thing it's not a singing thing it's a pledge we say the next word and whoever doesn't know it is American Loser American Loser I don't think we need to flex how we were indoctrinated. Guy who doesn't know the words.

I know it. Free thinker, free thinker, free thinker. I swear I know it. So-called free thinkers when you have the option to say under God. I. Indivisible. Indivisible.

I've never said it right, bro. I literally fucked that shit up every time. Yeah. I was so on the money, bro. I used to be like invisible. I was such a good, a good little soldier invisible i was such a good a good little soldier such a good little patriot i knew all the songs i knew all the words yeah there's a there's a movie called thumb sucker which is really good it's uh there's like an indie flick and it had john what's

his name keanu reeves as a dentist shittiest acting he's ever done including john wick it's crazy uh but in it it's about a kid who like has a shit life and he like goes on Adderall at one point and he has this line in it where he's like I listened to the

Pledge of Allegiance today it gave me chills and I'm like fuck yeah that's so cool it's a sick movie god damn

I used to love singing the the anthem you like that I hate it it's so hard to hit the American one sucks I used to do that

for hockey games and basketball games at school our anthem blows our anthem's so bad the hate it. It's so hard to hit. The American one sucks. I used to do that for hockey games and basketball games at school. Our anthem blows. Our anthem's so bad. The bombs bursting in air is so hard. Yeah, but it is a very hard song to sing, but it's also tight to sing it. I don't think it is. You don't think it's tight? I know the Air Force song, so I'm authorized to say that that is a low tier.

That is a better song. Okay, okay. That's a better song. That's off the American mixtape, though. We are album only songs. Lupe was on that shit. It's Chess Box. Okay, okay. That's off the American mixtape, though. We have album-only songs. Lupe was on that shit. It's Chess Boxing 2. Sold out arena. 30,000 people there. You don't want to sing the anthem in front of everyone?

No, I don't. I don't. You want to sing the Air Force song? Air Force song? I'll sing. Because it's literally about dropping fire on, like, Vietnam, which is not chill, but it's crazy that it's in a song, which is not chill. We don't like Henry Kissinger.

Nobody wish him happy birthday. But it's crazy that it's in a song that we taught kids, including me. It's true. And that is kind of crazy. It was funny that in first grade, there's like two days of the year, and it's just a bunch of 80-year-olds who come from, who served in our military, and they're just there, and you're like six, and you're like, oh, cool. Yeah, I shot a fucking kraut in the head, and you're like, that's cool.

I'm six. You're just standing there, and they're like, you know, they're on cloud nine. You're like, okay. Tucker Carlson's like, rap music is destroying our youth. It's like, bro, have you listened to the- Is this an Air Force song? Have you listened to the Air Force song? That's actually actually about throwing bombs

on people. It's worse than shooting a guy. It's about dying in the sky. So... Pledge of Allegiance is fucked up.

You know, I got recruited when I first moved to LA. Wait, no you didn't. When I was walking to the gym that I had

in my first place in the valley, I would walk by this military base or the recruiting center, not a military base. The military base that's in LA. No one knows about it.

It's area 52. It's very quiet. It's crazy. No, this recruiting, this recruiting center for the army. And I'd walk by it and I'd always like look in just cause I'm on a walk. And,

and like maybe after two weeks of doing this, a guy like runs out as I'm walking by. He's like, Oh, see you looking, looking in here. Come by sometime. And like, I'm like, all right. And then like next time I do it, cause I'm like a very routine guy. He's like already outside. And he's like, come in. I got like, you want like water or something? But you had a tough workout.

You're like, come on. You're like, hey. You want to do a couple pull-ups? A couple pull-ups? Hey, you're a strong guy. We'll pay for your school, bud. I go in, and then we become like boys, kinda. They're strong, too.

They like muscles and bones like me. They got a pull-up bar. They do a little pull-up contest. They do the wet pull-up contest. They do little pull-up contests. They're just working out together. They do the wet pull-up contest. Yeah, full wet. Only wet. Bring your own kid. They're coming free. And then eventually

the schmoozing ends and he's like, what would it take for you to join? And I was like, 9-11 too. That's a good answer. That's what I told him. And he's like, yes, fair. That's such a good answer. If they flew a plane into the fucking big wilshire grand building where you can piss out the window yeah

on the 71st floor in la i might sign up that's it you know next day and that's even a might i just want to find those guys and then i'm back just those guys. Just Breslin. I want to find Breslin's terrorist cell. It's ten in public Breslin. I want to get my stern talking to. That's what you do. And then I go back home. Wow, why didn't we send you in? I bust down the door where Osama bin Laden's hiding.

Hey! Y'all can't be doing that. You send me in with a Kimbo Raffa because I get the same job done. You're doing the fucking... Your knife sends you halfway across the room. I got Commando Pro. Osama's got no fucking chance. He didn't unlock that shit yet. He's too busy playing Visual Boy Advance.

Dude, I was at the fucking coffee shop where Aiden's getting invited to fucking parties. And I go in and I'm like, on the tip of my tongue is when I'm about to order and the guy just cuts me off. He's like like baseball and uh and i'm kind of like and i can feel the vibe it's like this guy and the other barista who's there like they're they're in the middle of some sort of like either the debate or like talk or something and i'm like no i don't really fuck with baseball and he turns around he's like see i don't know what that means but i'm like

all right we're bantering it's kind of all right i'll get involved right now by the way i'm i'm like 90 sure who nicks and and uh and i'm like yeah bro there, we're bantering. It's kind of, all right, I'll get involved right now. By the way, I'm, I'm like 90% sure who Nick's talking to. And, and, uh, and I'm like, yeah, bro,

there's like three people worth. So, so I'm like, I'm like, it's a very specific type of person who likes baseball. I'm like, yeah, they got like rainbow visors on.

They're all fucking weird. And then the guy like doesn't respond to my banter at all. He kind of turns around and keeps talking to her. And I'm like, oh, okay. And he turns around and he gives me like another little thing about like how the person they're talking about

likes The Bachelor I'm like yeah the Venn diagram for those two things kind of fucked up both silently look at me neither of them take my banter

and I'm like why did you get me involved I don't want to be in this anymore you know what's funny Aiden is that guy's son's godfather so that's cool

yeah that's true he's naming his next kid McKay uh and I exit the conversation did he choke? that guy you're talking to? big mango fan I found out what? mango's a melee player did he choke the conversation?

uh based on what you know about him based on what I know about them I no I don't think you choked it I was just confused I thought we were joking around are you just actually asking me for I like baseball and that's like that's it because the first thing when he was like hey do you like baseball and like you involve somebody something I would do like see look I'm winning the argument because this stranger but then I

like bring them in yeah we're all friends for this brief beautiful moment and like you know in fleeting public and but to leave you hanging is really what if you're a cock it's pretty funny sash and you were just i'm wearing and i'm wearing this which is really funny because that's how i started and ended the conversation i bought this yesterday on mother's day because i was with my mom and we were at an antique store and she saw saw it and she was like, that's great. You got to get that. I don't know if she likes it ironically like I do. But I think that was enough for me to find it special.

You know, we were talking about how like when old people look at your Applebee's Final Fantasy shirt and they make you explain it and then it's not funny. That's the Happy Castle version of that, which is you both enjoy something for different reasons, but none of like you both don't know. And that's where we can bond with old people. Bro. You're old. I'm only 33.

I bond with you often. You look so fucking good right now. Has anyone ever said only in 33 before? Yeah. Yeah. That is tough. This is, this is your final year,

by the way, of peak physicality. It's only downhill. That's okay. year, by the way, of peak physicality. It's only downhill. That's okay. Well, it varies. Does it? Yeah.

We got to get him on the court with a fucking eight-year-old now. What if I'm the LeBron of guys like me? You're not. Yeah, so he's going to peak at 30. What age does it come back around? To be clear, LeBron's also still going down, right? Oh, yeah. Say that to Le lebron's face that he's washed i didn't say that i said physically he is not at his peak right now how dare you i don't think this

is like how revelation you agree with me i know you agree with me no you know really you think he's at his physical peak at 38 or whatever i would never i would never tell him otherwise that's the difference between you and me is you just haphazardly say shit you're just yes men and i would tell you lebron how it is and he'd respect me for that. LeBron would be on this podcast and you would be shivering. Nah, I wouldn't shiver. Yeah, you would. You'd be quivering.

I wouldn't out-quiver. I like quivering. I like quivering. That's for sure. I had a question for you. Yeah. Do you know Anthpo, the YouTuber? Yeah.

you yeah do you know anthpo the youtuber yeah uh anthpo is this guy who's been posting youtube videos through high school and through his four years of college and they're just like various kind of comedy youtube concepts there's not really a lot of consistency to them but a while ago he said the day he graduated college would be the last youtube video he ever uploads and then he's done and he's found a lot of success along the way like his i he's not at his peak right now in terms of views but he's pretty close like he's maintained his he's either maintained or grown pretty much the entire time and so it's been probably like six years in total he's definitely over he's oh yeah 1.65 million subscribers yeah i've seen slime numbers I've seen slime numbers. This is great. He's done a few, well, he's doing a little better. Don't say this is great after that.

Make that an insult. He's definitely has a few bangers. I know his big videos, like when he went. His biggest video is 15 million views. Yeah, that's huge. And he's done. He graduated college and he's like, I'm done with YouTube. That was my last video.

This was like a great period of my life and it was really fun. I enjoyed it. But now my last video. This was like a great period of my life and it was really fun. I enjoyed it, but now I'm quitting and he's kind of walking away at the top of his game. No controversy. And I was wondering what you think of that because I feel like I can't think of almost anybody who does that with no associated controversy. No, I think it's dope. I think the only other person I can think of is that twitter journalist guy although a little different because of like what's being produced who was nominated for uh i think content creator of the year from the game awards oh wait with the oh didn't it start with it i know who you're talking about i cannot for the life of me it's funny that you don't remember journalist names i don't't. I remember their stories.

Bang. Thank you. Yeah, I think it's dope. I think it's dope to just quit and leave, especially when it's not like at the Twilight years where it's like

he's getting 5K a video and he's like, guys, it's not working out. Yeah, he totally mic dropped. Yeah, it's just walking away. Epic mic drop. And he's also so young, which is cool.

Now I feel like you're... He kind of totally epically mic dropped. Take that hat off. Yeah, it's just walking away epic Mike. It's like he's also so young which is cool. It's not this now I feel like you're you can't totally take that Yeah, it was a win It was a fucking epic win dude. It's just like I'm done with this and I'm goated But maybe think about when when do you think you're done? I he said a defined date, and he's done. I did this and then didn't do it, but I always like the idea Epic fail Because you're not a man your fucking word loving When did you do this by the way did I first started streaming? I said I would quit streaming in five years

I gave myself a timeline. Yeah yeah five years it's five years this year i uh no it's five years last year isn't it five years at the end of this month wait hold up hold up oh it's may 15th all you do is fucking cap is all i'm saying finish my thought you dumb bitch i'll see you guys on reddit we're a podcast that curses yeah, you like swearing like a ballerina Kong container Damn fucking shit yeah fellas we do this a lot but it's your ass I like girls with titties but I also like

girls with a bad this is hard this is our 20 young women on here and roast them. That's what- can we get, by the next episode, 20 women, younger than us, and they all have to rate us, and they're not allowed to leave the room until they do it. Yo, if I call you a female, you'd be mad. This shit's easy as fuck. How come females always ask for a- What's in there Next week's episode is gonna be our rumble

Check it out I just think that when you like sleep with a lot of guys It's like gross That's all Alright Dude we could have such a good show like that We couldn't Just ironically being scumbags for like four years straight.

It would be good for one episode, and then after that, we would have to just be the people. What if we all got plastic surgery and became those guys and made like four shots? Why do you need plastic surgery? Four X the money. What aspect of your body does it? No, but I'm saying they don't know who is us, and then we go back to the yard. Do you think plastic surgery? Disgust is fit West Coast

Okay, I want to hear what you're gonna say Five years and the wedding pyramid and how Cursing we were cursing. Why are we cursing? No, it was because I called him a bitch because he didn't follow his word because it's five years. Oh, five years. I was doing this real quick. I snuck into this Twitch Rivals event because someone dropped last second Kaede and Connor asked me to do it.

And I had a voice changer mod on and it was a little deeper and I kept doing like a fit and fresh guy. Every time there was a law I'd be like, tits or ass. And then I'd sneak things in and I'd be like, we just shouldn't raise the debt ceiling more. That's so funny. You know what I found out about the Fall Guys thing? I was just watching Prezzo's stream

and his stream is literally just him talking to chat for like seven hours straight. And then he was like, yeah, I'm in that like gay Fall Guys tournament. And I'm like, he just still has it. He's just the GOAT. Everyone's watching Prezzo. They're all posthumming. He's like, it was gay. Gay Fall Guys When I first started streaming I said I'd quit in five years and I started May 16 2017 which is tomorrow is six years. So we're one day off my six year. Happy anniversary of lying to everyone you fucking love.

Well, it's still an anniversary regardless. So like happy anniversary. Yeah. Like lying to your friends and family. But I kept doing it mostly because, uh, have you ever seen the, the, the graphs that people show of content creator businesses versus traditional businesses? No. You know what I'm talking about? Why does it go down and up?

Are a pyramid where you have like ceo at the top you have my attention now sir oh employee structure and then yeah employee structure in management and people under people lines of communication but you can swap out the ceo no problem right like that happens all the time but then content creator-led businesses often hinge it's like a reverse pyramid scheme, where it hinges on the creator. You're a bottom bitch. I can't swap out. You can't like, I can't leave and then someone new is Ludwig.

Oh, I see. Well, it's a mixed line, Ludwig. I see how it gets. You could do it, but it would be the same. We'd be the same. We'd get new Ludwig. I think there'd be problems. No, it'd be like, we'd get new Ludwig.

It might be better, right? I'd be better. I'd be worried about a loss in revenue, perhaps. Why? You're making more money. I think that maybe certain facets of the business wouldn't perform as well. Which part? Mogul mail.

No, that's not true. That's not true. Imagine like... Wait, pick the journalist. Bro, imagine like Tucker. It's just a new guy, right? It's like a new show, but it's just a new anchor. You're handing off the Daily Show?

Yeah. You're handing off Muggle Valley to the Daily Show. I'm your fucking Trevor Noah, and you're Jon Stewart. You did great, but it's time for the younger crowd to get involved. Our younger South African friend. It's me. I don't know. I think you need a lot more resources, too, because you wouldn't be one-taking.

You need like four editors on that. Oh, I would one-take. You're stupid. You need a few editors on that. I one-taked on what I did. You need a few editors on that. No, I wouldn't be one taken you need like You need a few editors on that no I wouldn't Insane like the more like the more you don't want to the more editors Because you only one take because you're lazy, but I'm also equally lazy, so I would do the same thing freestyle good cuz you're too lazy to write rhymes. It's true! He only one takes it so he doesn't want to open fucking Premiere.

It's because Harry Mack's too lazy to write it down. Biggie was lazy. I killed the five fingers, I actually suck. I love cooking. You love cooking? I've been cooking once a week. You don't cook, loser. You don't cook, loser. You cook a little bit. I'm chef right now. Doesn't clean though. Doesn't clean. Hey, listen,

the only thing I- No, you don't get to talk about this. No, the only thing I cook Ludwig is crack. It splits the taste of spring. With Chef Febby Restory. The only thing you cook is hot bars, five fingers to death. It's actually a fake ad reach. Yo! This is real, you have to hit five bars. Come out the back, Sway!

No, I don't. I'm beefing with Sway. I said I would never be on camera with him ever again Not after what he said Not after what he said And this is still an ad read I do cook with HelloFresh This is not a meme I literally like cooking once a week

Last week I made steak I think it was beef au poivre It was delicious They also got a lot of other good food But it's cool because I learned to cook new recipes because I'm kind of like a two-trick in the kitchen right now. I got pizza. I've always known how to make pizzas since I was

a young boy in Sicily. I learned how to make pizzas as a young boy, but now I'll learn to make new stuff and it feels good to make things. I wish I could take that pizza stone and bash your skull in. I would like to do that as well. I wish I could take that stone and put a creamy Dijon to do that as well you asked for my pizza stone put a creamy Dijon dill chicken on it and serve it to you

yeah they do have other good meals like fast and fresh pineapple chicken tacos falafel power bowls creamy Dijon dill chicken I like it too because I track my calories I'm in dropping weight unlike slime and it's helpful to track your callos it's harder to do it when you're eating out or cooking but it's easy with HelloFresh because they just tell you how many

calories it is so I just look at that the plan is simple it's easy with HelloFresh because they just tell you how many calories it is. So I just look at that. The plan is simple, right? So go to HelloFresh.com slash the yard 16. Hey, say it. Say it. Say your line. Say your line. Here, hold on.

I'll pull your string. Because the plan is not difficult. Pull the string so you can say the line. The plan is simple. Reach for the sky. HelloFresh.com slash the yard 16. I don't know why it's that number. Use the code theyard16.

16 free meals. 16 free meals, that's why it's that number. Why can't we just do theyard hellofresh, right? Because it's theyard16. Because it's 16 free meals. What? How is this hard for you to understand? I'm gonna say it's a lot of free meals. It's good. I would try it if you're not good at cooking.

It's not just you wanna get to America's number one meal, Kate Ludwig. I think it's good. But, well, it's also what you said. I stand by this, and I won't be changed. That's fair, because we're Americans, and we're allowed to disagree. I'm resolute. But you're also... But you also agree because they're paying us.

I'm not resolute. You should just say that you agree with him, because if you don't, then it doesn't make sense. I designed this rhyme to explain in due time. Oh, I know. I'd like HelloFresh. I think it's good. Okay. It's just that you were soresh. I think it's good. Okay. It's just good.

You were so generous. How fair in the marketplace of ideas. Now, what were you saying? I can't leave. So what you're saying is your mother. I'm mother, and if I leave, everyone loses their job. I think if you, I would, like, yeah, we're all suckling on your big breasts, but like, we also can f- f-

f- Yeah finish that thought. Where's that going? You're so good at big breasts. I'm trying to make a real fucking good ass point and you just fucking start start dumping your sounds into the microphone. There's so much breastfeeding in Disney by the way. Anyway, continue.

Like from humans or the characters? Appropriate. There's just a lot. Are you shaming the women? I didn't say shit. I just said there's a- I'm not allowed to say that. I'm not allowed to say that. And the line's longer. Yo. The line's longer a lot. Are you shaming the women? I didn't say shit, I just said there's a- I'M NOT ALLOWED TO SAY THAT! I'M NOT ALLOWED TO SAY THAT!

And the line's longer. Yoooo! The line's longer to ride. It's just weird that during the ride, you're one of the attractions when you're driving through in Disneyland California. Dude, imagine if you get breastfed on a roller coaster, you're coming out so strong as a baby. I'm glad it's called women breastfeeding attractions. I'm saying they put them in the rides. I'm attracted. Don't say put them. Disney does that in California. Yeah attractions. I'm saying they put them in the rides. I'm attracted. They have them at every checkpoint.

Disney does that in California. Yeah, but don't say like put them. I just wish we had Ron DeSantis over here. Do they have like breastfeeding rooms like at the airport with cigarette rooms? Yeah, they do. Are they all glass? They're the same room. They're the same room.

They're both glass. It's all glass still. COVID, you had to put the plexi up. The cigarette ones, they look like Minecraft spawners. Yeah, there's just like an ashtray in the middle, and everyone's just kind of shambling around it. But no, I think it's like, it's most states have by law,

maybe it's a federal law, that you have to have like a breastfeeding zone. Oh yeah, any company. I don't know if it's past California, but definitely in California. So if Nick Allen ever gets pregnant. This is our breastfeeding room. Call Nick Allen for one. Nick Allen has to go pump in this shit.

He's cut. He's cut? Yeah. Doesn't mean he can't pump. He can still pump. He's tied. They twisted his tubes. They cut off his tubes.

I love the idea of Nick Allen with a utied. They twisted his tubes. They cut off his tubes. I love the idea of Nick Allen with the uterus. It's fucking tubes. He can no longer lactate because they... They tie off his balls and cock. I think it's like an arm knot. This is how it works.

You got the acne flag that comes out now. Yeah. They make a slide whistle noise. It says, come. It's a bang. You gotta go again. Already? Wait, already you didn't

finish I can't leave because you created a company with you guys

unless I give like an act like I could give like a like a like a

far enough timeline if I were to readjust it I could say two years from now

when you're gonna die yeah you guys could plan for my death. Dude, you should tell us the company's gonna end in a certain amount of time, because we'd probably, like, be so productive. Yeah. We'd be like, oh, shit, we gotta do a bunch of shit so we can, like, make use of our jobs.

It's a deadline. Or you'd be lame ducking it, because... Oh, that is the other one. You just want to find a new job at that time. Well, I think we have integrity. Maybe. Well, either way, I also like my job. I like my life. Do you like streaming right now? Yeah, I like streaming. You didn't like, I also like my job. I like my life.

Do you like streaming right now? Yeah, I like streaming. You didn't like it for a bit this year. When? Early, like a couple months ago. You were talking about how shit, how that idea you were. Pull the clip, pull the clip. Idiot.

Liberal? Liberal. That's source? Sorry, source? He said it. I'm like... Journalism. Sources say, thank you, Daily Loud.

Anyway, I do enjoy streaming yeah me too bitch sorry I swear a lot damn I'm kind of fucking pissed I'm saying I've been streaming a lot

and I've reinvigorated my love for it it's fun to co-stream Moist Moguls you do love that shit I love watching you watch that shit I love watching my lads you watch that? I love watching him watch that shit. I love watching my lads.

I love watching him watch that shit. I don't watch the shit, but I watch him watching that shit. I don't watch that. I'll watch the extreme except that part. Be honest. Is it just more fun because they're winning a bunch right now? I mean, I don't even know what time when they were losing. Oh.

So it's hard to know. I can't compare it to anything. When they were losing. When we were all watching them lose. When were they losing? They were 3-2 split one and then they lost in the midseason invitational which was a big which was a which was a one to performance with

the fucking to one against m80 best team back then true which I'm not upset about you think I was upset you think I watch that game I was like oh you seem sad when I mean oh yeah I'm a little disheartened at the end of it it's not still fun to watch they're a great team right now they're great you should

answer Aiden's question honestly I like watching the moist moguls no matter what at the end of it. It's still fun to watch. They're a great team right now. They're great. You should answer Aiden's question honestly. I like watching the Moist Moguls no matter what. Ride or die. If the Moist Moguls were all in for...

Ride or die! Oh, it's this guy's toast. Yeah. It's a character voice line from our song. Nice. This guy does... Wait, really?

Yeah. Oh, I was kidding. I obviously know that. I was trying to get us out of that. He didn't know that. Thatgust. Wait, really? Yeah. Disgust. Oh, I was kidding. I obviously know that. I was trying to get us out of that. He didn't know that. That's funny. I'm with him. I didn't know that.

I thought you were being sincere. I was with him. It's like figuring out that, like, the Beatles is spelled different, you know? What? Oh, beat. The beat. Yeah.

It really is. Is this also? Yeah, B-E-E-T. I just never thought of that. He never thought of that either. Do we have we score these? Let's score these. Hitmonlee, Bruce Lee, Hitmonchan, Jackie Chan.

Dude, it's like fresh and fit. What about Hitmontop? That was based on your mom? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. We should make fresh and fit, but we only ask women if they know about these clever connections. Original Pokemon factoids. Yo, okay, so Arctic Uno, Moltres, and Zapdos.

Does that make sense to you? Comprende? Because of the Spanish numbers. You are not allowed to leave this room until you explain to me why those names work. I've never watched this by the way i've only seen like tangents of tangents of this phenomenon of like shitting on women on the podcast you bring them i have seen clips of the podcast and my understanding is it's three guys between literally like 12 women in a room and they just get mad at the women they'll be like They'll be like, okay, but why are women so mad when I cheat if I let her go to Sephora?

Dude, that's crazy. And they'll be like, well, I just feel like you should be loyal. Yeah, and there's always like a sleeper cell woman on the show who like every time someone says something goes like, actually, they should be allowed to cheat and also they should shoot us with guns. And all the women are like, I don't think so said well you're a bitch yeah and the guy's like please it's like all the tiktok sounds start to play it's like yeah it's kind of it's like it's kind of like listening to an air horn for an hour that's that's what i feel like you know that feeling you get when you hear your alarm in public like it's someone's ringtone and you're like ah i, you know that feeling you get when you hear your alarm in public, like it's someone's ringtone, and you're like,

ah, I don't like that feeling. It kind of feels like that the whole time. It's interesting because it's the phenomenon of just wanting to hear things that you like and agree with. I do this with shows or media, but when you do it about, I don't know, human beings being different genders and that being a problem, it's so much worse. The line, the pipeline is so easy to cross over it's like if i'm on a subreddit where

everyone's shitting on the television show doug which i hate i'm like yep daily doug hate here we go yes sir is there a lot of daily doug hate you don't follow daily doug hate it's an old show but it still makes us all real mad. I'm pretty sure I said this on the pod a long time ago. Yes, sir. I'm pretty sure I said it on the pod. I had a friend in high school who everyone called Doug. His name wasn't Doug.

And it's because they thought he looked like Doug from the show. Cartoon character. Yeah. Which was brutal because he didn't. But it was like he had certain features where you could be like, I get why we're making fun of him. Yeah. Which is like the worst. Because if you didn't look like him at all, I'd be like, he had certain features where you could be like, I get why we're making fun of him. Yeah. Which is like the worst.

Because if you didn't look like him at all, I'd be like, there's no joke. But you're like, you know, you got kind of a weird forehead and all of a sudden. It's over. It's over for you. You're done. I'll show you a clip. He got arrested. You show me a clip?

I'm going to show you a clip from one of these types of podcasts. Okay. He sent it to Zipper. Zipper's calibrating it right now. I don't think this is fresh. This is a different podcast, but like same vibe. Is it the whatever one or whatever? I have no idea.

Names. I just know it's like a guy whose shirt's buttoned down to here like he's a European. And then girls. When Zipper plays a video for us, he actually has to print out every frame and then play it like an animation flipbook. It's a weird system. He demanded it. So, okay. Turn onbook. It's a weird system. He demanded it though, okay Turn on no, it is the whatever one. Yeah, was it this is a bad clip But it's this is not an accurate clip to how it normally goes opposite the girl owning the guy reverse it reverse it

rewind time Trad wife tries to shame one percent man hard Jesus Christ And they have the fun 90s cups. Fire away, honey. If you have only one place in your heart for one woman, or you want to have one woman in your heart, I think you said, why don't you just commit to one and choose to be faithful to her? That logo bounces away.

I spent my whole 20s trying to fix myself. You have self-control. You work out. You do business. You can possess your own power and direct it the way you want to fix myself. I thought something was wrong with me. But you have self control. You work out, you do business. You can possess your own power and you direct it the way you want to direct it. It's just not how I am. It's not how I am.

You think that might be a limited mindset? I think it's none of your business, but I don't want you to think I'm crazy about you or not. What the fuck is that? That's an epic mic drop past me. Why would he say it's none of your business? You know what I'm saying? No, you are.

You're annoying in this goody twoes type way, and that's fine. I'm going to live my life on my terms, unapologetically, truly. So you can ask me this 85 different ways. I hope that guy— This guy's a beast, bro. He's not a beast. This guy's a beast. I hope this guy crashes his Lambo in a fiery explosion.

He looks like he plays Scar in the live-action movie. I watched it, and I was like, that's a spin off like how these clips normally go. And then I read the rest of the thread from the person who posted it. And I was like, oh. Yeah. And it was like, we got to go back to the Bible. We got to go back to the church. It's like the Steven Crowder thing.

Like he is having the most embarrassing divorce of literally all time. And he's just like, she shouldn't be able to divorce me. It just shouldn't be in the law. It's like, dude, you're weird. You're so fucking weird and stupid. Do you think he had a pyramid at his wedding? And maybe the lack of pyramids is why this happened? The lack of pyramid is why he has the way he is.

Yeah, a pyramid with a high in it. Because that's the club he's part of. The Illuminati. Steven Crowder? He's part of The Illuminati. Steven Crowder? He's part of the Illuminati. You think Steven Crowder makes it? Yeah, I'm like a weird guy. He does need to know cheeseburgers to see God.

But thinks that Steven Crowder is in the Illuminati. Would he be out of the Illuminati if you were into that? Nope. He would be in it. Okay. But would he be like a double? He dropped the mic I was always audio-listening she dropped a microphone

that you cannot see okay now he's dropping the microphone on whatever like a long long time ago when they did the man on the street stuff no they did like Oh gee man on the street like walk up to a hundred people and ask them to have sex with you I should yeah no i never watch it uh so but they did it a really long time ago and now they have transformed into like alt-right

pipeline podcast it's funny there i i sent this to to nick and dan and ryan we just like do a like talk about content and shit and there was this it was uh for the titans football team it was like this insane trailer for like their season announcement and it was like half a million dollar produced or something or some giant budget and it got like very little clicks or whatever and then there was one just asking people on the street what they thought about like the football team and it's like 100 million views and shit and And it's like at the core of it, all we want is just to see what other people think and are talking about. That is like the 100% what our brains magnetized toward.

And that's why man on the street is still a thing to this day. You think like millions of years of natural selection have led up to gay son or thought daughter, basically. And ironically, that's what we want. I think it's also an expectation in Man on the Street that someone will say something dumb or embarrassing. But there's almost never a Man on the Street where it's only super intelligent people with good answers. There's an expectation that, oh, I'll get to laugh at someone,

I'll get to find someone stupid, I'll get to disagree with someone, and that feels good. Sometimes same ones. There's the one that's named three basketball players and they just show three basketball players. I guess it's a fun little quiz, though. Or they get it wrong. Like,

yeah, sure. You, you can't lose the gamble. Either you're watching man on the street, either someone is dumb and you get to feel

better than them. Someone is super smart and you get to feel surprised. Ooh, impressive. Someone's funny. And like,

you're also passively playing the game yourself. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So that's, we need to move from mogul male.

Get out of your fucking stupid room. Slime on the street. Okay. of your fucking stupid room. New mogul mail, slime on the street. Slime on the street. New concept. Never been done before. Slime on the street. Street.

I had a phone call with Schlatt and he was just, he was just molding about shorts. Why? He's just losing it about shorts. What's he mad about? So I've taken like a bit of a dive into him. Like we've been uploading daily shorts. I hired a new shorts person. Yeah, you've been slutting out rad stats like a crate. Like I think he's been taking in loads 60 times a day.

What? No, I don't want to say that. Go on. Continue. Okay. Well, I've been uploading shorts daily with two people part of the team. That's what I said. I just said it.

You're repeating what I said. He does have the task of uploading a short every other day, which is, I guess, akin to taking loads 60 times a day. And it's something that I leaned into because I think YouTube's prioritizing it. Yeah. There's a lot of dumb fucking shorts. Yeah. There's a lot of dumb fucking shorts. Yeah. There's a lot of stupid shit.

And so I call a shot. He's like, I don't get it. It's only to boost subscribers. Subscribers don't even fucking matter. It's all vanity. Like, what's the point? It doesn't make shit for money. I'm like, it's all true.

He's like, look at this fucking short. And then he sends me this short. It has 66 million views. I'll just zip as it has it. Basically, you see, this girl is trying to get on him to go galloping. But she's too small and even jumping. She won't be able to get on him. She tries once, she fails. Then a second

time and where she also fails. And even a third time where she almost falls over. But the horse is intelligent. And he understands that there's a problem. And look, the girl is unable to get on him. So he starts to take a few steps and walks and look he lowers his head and comes down with his upper body so that the girl can climb on him without difficulty and after just a few seconds when the girl is on the saddle he

stands back up and starts galloping with her this shows how intelligent dude content is so fucking stupid so it's like content is so stupid over narration of what is like a cool clip outside of that context, like the original clip- Me and Nick would do that driving as a joke. I would loop the middle part a hundred times. Unironically, if you- For my 50th time, she gets on the horse. I think you could easily get a million subs if you just took a bunch of very, very popular

clips and then over narrated them and then just re-uploaded them what do you think the value of shorts is right now what do you for who it boosts subscribe he's right about the subscriber thing what is the value in boosting subscribers uh there is none i think there's it's vanity that's that's a value there's value in vanity call it that i think i think there's value in vanity in like how other people think you're doing in terms of success, which can help for like maybe sponsors. Sure. And like growth year over year. Okay.

Or like contract negotiations. It all goes back to tricking old people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tricking old people is how this world runs. There's probably a lot. Yeah.

I think in the whole vanity thing, but I think there's probably a lot of value in just like being a household online content person. And when you do make a full-length video like someone sees your thumbnail it's like i recognize that face maybe i've seen their short maybe i think it helps early on too like if you had a channel with zero followers and you started making shorts and you got like you know 100 000 subscribers your first long form will probably be doing like at least better like there's some higher floor i think for me I'm trying to just one be a multifaceted creator that YouTube likes sure you're trying to get red sets to 1% body yours okay yours make sense yours make sense because you have this relationship with YouTube and I think that like I want my girl to be

happy to your girl is it's just. Susan's not a part of it. Susan's not there anymore. I want Neil to be happy. Neil Diamond. I want to make Neil Diamond so happy. It is tricking old people. Like how Overwatch League used League of Legends viewership stats to pitch their multi-million dollar league and now it's about to dissipate.

Wait, I was going to ask you something about Lebanon. Why not? Lebanon in the Middle East, so you I was going to ask you something. I love Ben Anders. Lebanon Anders. Sure. No. Yeah, yeah. Why not? Lebanon in the Middle East.

So you know a lot about it. Oh, wait, no. It was Adam Ragusea the goat. Okay. Last, I saw a tweet from him and he barely ever tweets, but he said something. What? He's not the goat. How could you say that?

Continue. Go ahead. He said something about how subscriber viewer, subscriber number is more of a measure of how long you've been around than how many people watch you and i've always thought that was a cool interpretation i said that way before him no actually i did and it was way smarter that sounds wrong he said it more eloquently and more nuanced but i liked i liked thinking about it in that way as like a different sort of measurement also people keep fucking asking me, like, remember when I watched Adam Ragusea a lot last year,

and you said you won't watch him in a year? It's true. I don't watch him anymore. And the reason why, you're right, is because the algorithm doesn't feed him to me. No, it's not how it fucking works, you dipshit. No, dude, it is. I'm such a slave to the algorithm.

You actually have no idea. It's not an algorithm. I'll open up YouTube, and I decide. Do you think the algorithm was one day like, nope, no Adam Regucia. What they did is they fed you Adam videos because they knew you liked Adam. And you didn't even notice. And then you scrolled by him. You stopped clicking on him. You scrolled by him. And maybe it was

over the course of days or weeks or maybe months, but they fed you Adam and then you said, I don't want Adam today. And eventually, and eventually then they said, well, maybe no more Adam. And then you were happier because you clicked the other things more. And then you got up I don't want Adam today. And eventually, and eventually then they said, well, maybe no more Adam. And then you were happier because you clicked the other things more. And then you got uppies. You are the problem.

Then you got uppies. You got uppies for somebody else. You got uppies for somebody else. If Adam shit starts showing up on my timeline, I would probably click it. I am an ape. No, that's not. Who gets fed swap. Nope.

One day, one day, one day, Adam picked you up and put you down for the last time. Don't say that! It's true! That's how it works. I'm gonna go home right now and mainline Adam Ragusea and get back on the horse. True, true, true, true. I need him back. You know why we get crowd videos every time? Because I watch every single fucking one.

You know, no matter what, every single one. I'm like, wait for it. You know what a banger fucking tweet was, uh, was, uh, Bunch. Cuz I watch every single Fucking tweet was He was like he was like when he saw the white woman dreadlocks at the coffee shop no He has a lot of good ones. Yeah, he does, but this is tweet was something about I think it was today It was like it was like yeah, man went to the club Oh like when your friend of the club isn't getting any numbers follow-up is like yeah, I think I'm today. It was like, yeah, man, went to the club. When your friend in the club isn't getting any numbers. And the follow-up is like, yeah, I think I'm like Shadowband or something. Yeah.

I think everybody likes to blame this all-knowing algorithm from both sides. Creators do it when their views are down. And then viewers do it when they're not getting served their creators' videos. But in reality, it's your habits which are informing the algorithm what to show you and your habits are showing that you do not fucking algorithm show I would expect nothing you don't like him anymore I'm going to I would don't put your goat he's not your goat you guys you told a lie yeah I started watching like only videos about war and like all my videos I used to watch a con

I don't get why I'm not really changing my behavior Adam Ragusea comments on on the Arabian Peninsula. Yeah, I'm back. Yeah That's the reason you're gone is because he's still talking about food boat It isn't just see isn't just talk about food by the way Why are you saying it like you're being an ass? Here. Here's what Ataturk had for most of his meals. That's what pulls you back in. That would be crazy if he told me what some dictator used to eat. Do you think Ataturk did the no thing like Taric?

Is that where he got it? Yeah. We should westernize our alphabet, no? And there's like a little umla above the O in it. Yeah, you should ask him about that. Ask him what he thinks about Ataturk. Yeah, I'll pay him. Imagine you ask Tarek what he thinks about Ataturk and then he's like, it's actually really, it's like a complicated complex thing and it has a lot of pain behind it and he just gives this beautiful eloquence.

You'd be like, oh dude, I don't know much about that. It's like a history thing, no? That'd be... Yeah, it's kind of sus, no? I hate content creators. I hate everything. And you'd be walking around, it's kind of weird, no? I'm getting 10k in today. What, are you down your 10k?

Tarek is very nice and very genuine and sweet, but... Don't add a but. That's it. End of your sentence. End of your sentence. What could the but be? Why are you talking about my go this way? That I still watch.

Because he doesn't know how to smile in photographs. And I don't know why. What? Dude, bring this up. Zipper, can you pull a Tarek smiley? I do know the... Here, I'll do it. I'll do it.

And then Zipper, put the PTZ on me. You got the Taric smile? It's really- it's like a Nick Englund smile. Oh shit, it is! I don't know what it is, when he takes pictures and he's smiling, it looks like he doesn't know what he's doing. Wait, wait, that first one is really nice! Pull the first one. The first one. No! I don't understand! nice. Pull the first one. The first one. No.

I don't understand. No, no, no. Pull that one back up. Think about this. He won the Boston major that day. This is the best day of his life and that's how he's smiling. He does smile like a kid smiles. He just looks like he's being told that now it's time to do that. He's very sweet. It's a sweet smile. I know. That's why. You smile. You smile.

You smile. That is a creepy smile. That's a sweet smile. That's why you smile smile smile you smile That is a creepy smile Do you smile? No, come on You guys are taking these signs seriously If you're not, no, I don't even trust you anymore I don't trust you anymore He's gonna do the same thing He's gonna do the same thing

He's got one trick See, he's doing the cute smile He's cute You know what I did? I asked Zipper I guess you're doing more eyes but your mouth's doing the thing means every three we went we went camping this weekend in Joshua Tree Oh my god, I'm really fucking in ayahuasca, Propecia, and we had a conversation about Among all of our friends collectively who are the who are the most attractive?

Oh, and we went through, naturally, this group here. You two are both a duds in her book. Me and Ludwig? You and Ludwig. In terms of... In her opinion. In her opinion. Okay, okay.

In her opinion. Yeah, I don't care about her opinion. What's your opinion, though, sweaty? What? I already talked you out of it. Not going to do it again. Yeah. We already know where he stands in.

I have to start I have to start beef with your girlfriend you got beef with her no I don't have beef with her she's gonna have beef with me after this

unfortunately but the story is too funny so I come home yesterday and Aiden's girlfriend is home at our place

does not live there but Aiden isn't home and I'm like oh that's weird and I went in and we had a little conversation like Aiden out playing video games she's like yeah and i'm like that's pretty funny

and so uh we're talking about it i'm like well how was uh how was camping how was joshua tree and she's like well it was fun uh but we like booked the spot and it was like supposed to be us and like another group showed up and they were like oh we actually booked a spot too and of course aiden's like more more the merrier. Oh my gosh. And she's like, and I'm like, I don't want. And so we had this, so all of a sudden we had this like group camping trip. Oh my God. And I'm fucking dying laughing.

Cause I'm like, this is, I would make this up. I would make this up about him. That's a joke. And we bonded over how Aiden is. You are so nice that it's annoying to the people you love Had a reservation for the same spot there was a fuck-up with by the park What am I gonna do tell them to leave the spot they reserved in or you leave or we leave you leave We also reserved in why for. You leave, request a refund, and then maybe find a new spot that's open.

There's no new spots. There's the one spot left at that hundreds-ton spot. I'm Donnie. I'm Donnie, and he's the talking monkey. And you're the Thornberry father. I feel Aiden because I... Oh, you feel him? My peak stress in life is when I have to plan something for me and my girlfriend, and we

do an outing, and then I do everything and something goes wrong, I just fucking- I'm like- I'm just like, fuck! She forget her tampon pills at home. We gotta go back. Yeah. You've been really on this fit and fresh for a little bit. I hate that. I hate when she leave her tampon inhaler.

I'm concerned. She said, we gotta stop by the Ulta. I said, no! She leave a period inhaler at home we gotta go back cause she can't breathe right I'm really concerned they do need

inhalers after today we should stop this for sure yeah we should be more respectful to the women

in our lives we should be more respectful to women cause they are equal imagine all this from a we're in a Miami penthouse

right now And I have a suit on And I drive a Lambo I just think the wage gap Is a real fucked up thing Dude imagine the mix up Anyway it's stressful It's stressful and there's things outside of your control

And it feels bad man And I feel you Let me tell you this Aiden Listen up for a fucking second If I ever come into this fucking place It feels bad, man, and I feel you. Let me tell you this, Aiden. Listen up for a fucking second. If I ever come into this fucking place and you are hanging out with someone I don't know and I ask how you guys met and you met in a fucking coffee shop,

I'm charging the mound. Do you understand? I'm fighting you both and I don't care how fucking big they are. I don't care if they're a child. I was actually just filling gas and then I asked them like, Why are you guys-

Why are their license plates at Ohio, like are they from there? Why are you guys mad at him for that? Because it's- because it's all a facade. That's not a facade! Because it's a facade. Because he'll get on Valorant, and he'll tell Dawson to kill himself, and it's like, it's all a fucking facade! You act like you're such a fucking nice guy, and and you're so fucking evil when it benefits you.

Wait, what makes that a facade? Because you tell the fucking guy at the coffee shop to kill himself. Be consistent. That's the thing. I'm consistent. Did the guy in the coffee shop, did the guy in the coffee shop peak mid? He probably would. Did the guy in the coffee shop peak mid after I said not to peak mid five times around? Did he do that? Did he do that?

Because he didn't do that? Because then maybe he should. Maybe he should. Also, don't say that! I was actually doing laundry and I put my quarter in and it said Wyoming on it so I just asked if anyone was from there and a guy was. And we actually went to his wedding. Okay, this actually provided me with something.

Me and Yiglit are in a game and Nick is in the call with us. And one of our teammates. Wait, which Nick? Nick Yingling. Sorry. Nick Yingling.

Me and Yingling playing. Nick in the call with us. Me and Yingling playing. They're making it. Somebody fucks up. And for some reason, it sets Yingling off early. Usually, he doesn't break early like this. Yeah, the pen keeps him quiet.

But Yingling, we might have to mute his name for this. I don't know if this is good. No, it's fine. He tells the dude, it's like, if you do that again, I'm going to come to your house and I'm going to fucking break your arm. Yingling said that? They hit your arms, both of them. I'm going to break both of your arms.

And I was like, dude, you cannot say anything like that. Like, that is way too far. I unmute my mic instantly. And then, I think Mike is in the call, too. And Nick is like, dude, you cannot. No, no, I said, oh, the arbiter of what you can't say to people online, isn't he? Yeah. To tell us what Yingling cannot say to people.

It is funny, though, because Yingling has his first and last name as his name in the game. We should stop Q and Valo for, like, a month. I do feel myself deteriorating by the day. Just one month. But you said you are falling in love with streaming again. I like the idea I have a, there was a renewed sense of purpose in my life, but it comes

at a cost of my soul. Yeah. And that's beautiful. I've been feeling that lately. I like your soul more than your frags. You would say that. Well, it's cause you don't get a lot. You should've seen me. I like your soul more than your frags. You would say that. Well, it's because you don't get a lot. You should have seen me. I lose six games, a fucking MVP three of them. I can't win a fucking whatever. It doesn't matter.

I'm chasing that high from that one. You guys got to stop FFing before you switch sides. I barely FF. I've just seen a few of them. No, there's one. I've just seen a few of them. No, there's one FF. I've FF'd twice. I've seen a few recently. From who?

From him on his team. Dude, we had a lever. Dude, no, it's all winnable. I don't share that mentality. I'm an FFer now. I'm definitely a never FF in Valorant. FF if you switch sides and you lose again. That's fine.

But Lotus, bro? You just go four one side the whole time. I don't know, man. T-side, bro and you lose again, it's fine. But Lotus, bro? You just go four one side the whole time. I don't know, man. T-side, bro. It's over. It's tough, because what if

you have a leader and someone doesn't want to play? It's like, fuck it. Oh, yeah. If you have two people out playing, sure. We're all back on that shit

at the same time for the first time in a while. I know. It's fucking gross. Back on the crack. Back on the rift, bro. I think I'm easing out for a little bit.

I have to consider. You got birthday parties to go to. You do have Disney week. I got Disney week. You can't frag there. Plus my diamond dreams are kind of hurt

because I was one game off and now I'm plot two. Why were you plot two? Oh, bud. I just lost a few, so. Okay.

Are you with me? I did lose a few with you on that journey. Like one or two, no? Just a few. you on that journey like one or two no just a few just a couple I told you know what's so funny

I said that after we lost those games I was like Ludwig is this is the time that he picks me up and puts me down and never picks me up again

he's never gonna queue with me again this was it I'll queue with you again I'll queue with you tonight I'll just be at Disney though you actually won't queue I would but if I'm at Disney.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going to queue solo, though. Okay, I see what you're saying. George keeps asking to queue. George not Falmond? George, part of our company, George. George at our company? Oh, yeah, yeah.

And I keep like, I'm like, yeah, we can maybe queue, but I don't know if I want to see that side of me yet. Your side, it's so nice. Is he your rank? Huh? Is he your rank? Yeah? Is he your rank? Yeah. Yeah, he's same rank. Well, I'm nice.

Yeah, you're a vibe guy. I can be, but sometimes when I'm solo queueing, I've been getting angrier. Do you change your voice just a little bit? Do you change your voice just a little bit? No. Like a little tinge? No. I think I might use a voice mod, though, because I am sick of getting recognized.

Because I think they play worse. Oh. When you're am sick of getting recognized because I think they play worse. Oh. When you're there. When they impress you. When they recognize me. They swing for kills, they want to impress daddy. I don't know if it's impressed.

I think it's just literal nerves. It's like a higher stakes match. And then they like get distracted because they'll like look up the stream and around and then they'll play worse that round. Yeah, then they'll see people being evil. I've just had a couple games

where like there was a clear correlation to the skill of my teammates and their knowledge of my existence i was uh i was playing counter strike recently and i was playing it was like after playing valorant for a while and i wanted to play a different game i'm like i'm queuing mirage short matches by myself at like one or two in the morning. Fucked up. And I queue into this team and they see the knife I have. So they ask

what I do. And I just answer it honestly. Tell them the whole truth. Three paragraphs. And this dude pulls up presumably an episode of the podcast and he's like are you ginger

I'm like no he's like okay that was a test good and then he's like do you have hair I'm like yeah so he's like

narrowing it down guess who he's narrowing it down like guess who are you like a twinkie looking guy and then when he says he's like he's like I see looking guy? And then when he says, he's like, I see one of these guys, he's bald right now.

He's like, yep, yep, that's my friend. That's my friend. And he's like, tell him, after you get off this game, tell him, minoxidil, finasteride. He can still turn this shit around. He can still turn this shit around. I'm like, I don't know. What a fucking annoying person.

So you're going to their wedding. Yeah. This person. And then I told them to come to the coffee shop and they can be my other friends. It's the Aiden meetup for Aiden friends and family only. But it's everyone.

Pissing me off. I pissing me off too. Pissing me off. You can meet friends anywhere. That's what you don't know. Took Aiden a silver ball. Until they picked me up. Play some video games or something. I think we're out of time gentlemen. No? I don't know, no. Can we have Tarek on the podcast? Can we get him on the podcast?

We should. We could when he comes to LA. He'll probably come to LA for Masters. Let's do that. Yeah, have him on. Or Championships. I want up-beats from Tarek. All right, everyone.

Well, thanks for watching our podcast. And if you want to watch more of this podcast, we have a premium episode in the Patreon that we're going to go up to after this. Also, one more premium. People who have been fans for a long time You might have waited for the video of episode 11. Oh, yeah Uploaded and then mysteriously disappeared when it was re-uploaded and then everybody thought this episode was a perma lost and For some reason the post just fixed itself

So if you want to go to the original the reason why it's special is the one where I'm wearing Taco Bell leggings, right? Which the government doesn't want to know. It doesn't want people to know it exists. It's special because the memories we shared. No, it's the Taco Bell leggings.

I was wearing them and it was the day I found out leggings were nice. So, if you want to see the look on my face... Did we roast you out of leggings? No.

Why don't you wear them anymore? Because I don't buy them. We'll talk about them on a Primo. Primo. Go to the Primo. Bye. Bye now.

Bye bye.