The Yard - Ep. 97 - We Let Our Fans Choose Slime’s New Toupee

Episode Date: May 24, 2023

This week, the boys talk about Aiden's awkward interaction at the barber, where Kosovo is located, and how Slime's toupee should look...

what's your problem i'm a question right now what are we what you what are you guilty of what's going on something's wrong you're a dog who walked in the kitchen with the tail between his legs and we're like, where's the trash? What's wrong? You're too happy. Yeah, you came and you were way too nice. You're like, Aiden, how was your weekend? You're also giving me a weird look just now.

Oh, I was looking at your hair and drudging it. That was not nice. Okay. It looks fine. I'm back? Am I back? I think it looks fine. No, you're not back. Something's different.

There's an aura. What did you do wrong? Did you get good news today? No. No, no. not back. Something's different. There's an aura. Yeah. What did you do wrong? Did you get good news today? No. No, no. Quite the opposite. I delivered bad news. What happened?

I had to bail on a wedding because it conflicts with the Moist Moguls tournament. Dude, you got to get your fucking Google calendar right. Did you see what he was streaming yesterday? Yeah. Dude, he was streaming yesterday yeah dude he was sick he was watching he was gonna watch zane play a battle of bc because you know moist moguls yeah sport yeah but then he realized he had a premiere game to play so he's he multi boxes he puts subway servers valorant smash and chat and his face cam on his own it is tight as fuck but it only happened by accident because

he didn't fucking remember. Wait, wait, wait. No, I did remember, but there was no way to get around it. There's no way to change it? I can't change premiere time and I can't change the smash time.

Did you plan to do this? Yeah, when I went live, I knew I was going to do this. The other option is just not going live and then it'd be much easier because I just watch on the side. It was a great stream.

But I wanted to go live. Everyone loved the stream, but I will say I tuned in and I was like... No, no, no. Figure out why you on the side. It was a great stream. But I wanted to go live. Everyone loved the stream. But I will say I tuned in and I was like. No, no, no. Figure out why you're mad still. No, no, no. I didn't do it. And I was like, this makes me upset.

But then someone said it was Premiere. And Google Calendar also doesn't resolve the issue of me having to not go to the wedding because the wedding I can't change. Why? Why? Because it's not my wedding. Who's wedding? You're rich. Yeah. Well, I'm not part of the pyramid. Move the Because it's not my wedding. You're rich.

You could pay them to change it. Oh, really? I love the idea of him not being in the pyramid. That's so good, yeah. Well, it's not a big deal. You're with the poors. No, I was the 11th man. Do you think it's because your core is too weak to be in the pyramid? No, definitely not. Definitely not because the core is too weak.

Glad you brought that up. Are you on like the bench pyramid? Like bench warming pyramid? I'm back up here. I'm back up pyramid if somebody falls on top. They didn't need you because you didn't go. Alternates are part of the team. They get rings. Does people on the bench get rings? I guess Z got a ring.

Janitors get rings. I'm not kidding. Anyone can get a ring. Not anyone. At my wedding, when I marry the love of my life, you will be. None of us think that's so funny. None of us think it's going to happen. Why is it a joke?

Why is it a punchline? There's a lot of layers here. It's tough. Why do you think we're laughing at it? I don't know, because you're cool. God, you just found such a cool girl. She loves guys who sleep on the floor. She actually likes to sleep on the floor with them.

You know what the crazy thing about slime is? It's not that it's... Because you can get it, girl. You have a bit of riz. A bit. Oh, you had to say a bit. You had to say a bit. You were about to say the normal amount.

It is a bit. It's not just a bit. You're wearing a shirt with a tuxedo on the shirt. Not only that, I slept in it too. Because gentlemen are always gentlemen. Yeah, you have a bit of riz. But you're usually the one who breaks it off. I am.

So that's the part for me that I don't know how you're going to find someone you like. Oh, I'm realizing this right now You're always the one that ends it Oh it's always been me Dude you'll have to propose Oh I don't wanna do that That's like a

It's like It's almost on the floor I feel like If you found someone You'd wanna propose to You'd coin flip propose or break up Ah Maybe

What if we just flip this coin And if we do we get married And we don't we fucking break up That is more of a No but it'd be sick That's the joking thing about What if we just flip this coin, and if we do, we get married, and we don't, we fucking break up? That is more of a... No, but it'd be sick. That's what you're talking about. What if we flip the coin, and I shoot you? But only in the shoulder, so you're alive.

And then we get married. At my wedding, everyone can shoot me in the shoulder non-lethally if you're in the pyramid. Each person in the wedding pyramid gets to shoot the revolver. The wedding revolver. The wedding revolver with one shot in the chamber. And if you survive all members of the pyramid shooting the gun at you, then you were meant

to be. Yeah, it's good luck. What would your wedding be like? My wedding, Ludwig is in the back. Right? Of the what? He's not in the pyramid? Of the what? He's not in the pyramid? Of the pyramid? I would actually... He's in the back of the pyramid. There's a joke answer and a true answer.

The true answer is, obviously, Ludwig's in the pyramid. Will you let me do the ceremony? What does that mean? Daily beloved. Oh, you want to marry us? As more a co-operative? Yeah, I'll do an accent. I'm going to do an accent the whole time.

I'm going to talk about 9-11. I'm going to talk about how early I wake up. But it's also funny because you're Ludwig. Yeah. Like, it doesn't make sense. So you're Ludwig doing a Mark Wahlberg? Remember when we commentated in San Diego and I did an accent and you got pissed off? You did many accents. I'm doing that. They were all bad.

And I'm officiating. But they're good this time. Yeah, you practice. I had a coach.ating, but they're good this time. Yeah. You like you practice. I had a coach. Yeah. Okay. He's like, he's like the guy does 50 accents,

YouTube videos. If babe is okay with that, even more family guy characters. It's just Peter and different situations from different countries.

Yeah. I would love to hear it now. I will do Indian Peter. Please, everyone rise. Now I will do Indian Peter. Please, everyone, rise. Please rise for the national anthem. Please rise for Indian Peter, the national anthem.

And it's in pig Latin as well. Your wife is fine with all of this. Yeah, Babe has to be okay with that. Babe is so chill. She's asking for it. I would hope Babe would be chill. All right, so describe Babe. chill well she's asking i would hope babe would be chill all right so what what describe babe well she's beautiful wow but in a way only i can truly see yeah inside and out no no she's ugly inside what the fuck you

i'm just asking questions yeah you are babe is great obviously she gets along with all the boys she a gamer yeah she could be a gamer i think it's it's it's it's important but it doesn't have to be like does she sleep on the floor i here's the thing she can sleep in the bed but i she has to be okay with me on the floor are you intimate are you, do we have sex? Yeah. Likely, yes. The person I marry, I would have sex with. Who's compromising? If you're gonna have sex, is she coming to the floor or you going to the bed?

Oh, I go to the bed. You go to the bed? I think it's dog to be like, no, come here. Do you have floor nights? Come to the floor. The floor is this bit of a sacred space. You wouldn't want to desecrate. Insects isn't sacred.

You don't want to invite her where all the insects live. I don't want to have to ask every bug that I sleep on the ground with. What if babe is perfect? What if babe is perfect, but she's like, no, you can't have a space heater. I'm worried our house will go on fire. Then I would find another way. And I have already done this because the space heater burns my skin. I have marks on my skin.

On my lower back. Show me. Is it still... What? Oh, shit. Did you roll into it? It looks like a little rash. Dude, what the fuck? It burns me. And so I've thought about this.

Does it burn your juicy fucking ass I just saw? It burns part of my juicy ass. Well, I sleep my shirt off. Your honey baked hams. Boxers on. Space heater on my back. You get slow cooked every night. Bro, you should just sleep on like a rotisserie.

A spit roast. Yeah. Is that what a rotisserie is? And then someone buys me for like $7. Oh, you would get tan, right? No. That's not how that works. At all, actually.

Just the sun. I think it's from the UVs. What's the space heater made of if not sun? It's made of hot coil. Aren't we all stardust? I like to talk about big things. I don't like small talk. Keep going.

So wait, what was I saying? So I have hand warmers, the big ones. Remember? I like those at the old house. So I have those in case. Do you just hold them? I just put them in like under me. Be honest.

They're sticky ones. Do you put them under your sack? No, it's bad for you. You lay on hand warmers on the floor? Yes. Why? I like warmth. What about a blanket?

You should not. I use a blanket too. But I like to have my clothes off. And I also have the blanket. You should not. I use a blanket too. But I like to have my clothes off and I also have the blanket. The blanket feels like Space Theater is a blanket for the air. Can I give you a suggestion? I feel like you're going to be an asshole right now.

You came in here, you're guilty. I'm not guilty. You're looking at Aiden like you did something wrong. I did nothing to Aiden. You've accrued a good amount of money. Accrue. Accrue by a heated floor Oh my As soon as you are able

Kill yourself As quickly as humanly possible Leave Earth He stole that from True Detective I saw that clip from True Detective. I saw that clip from True Detective and I was like, I can't believe he said that. I've seen it before. I'm not going to kill myself anymore.

He was going to do that. I only watched episode 111 times. We all know what happens in episode 1. The carcosa? I think it's episode 1. I don't. The carcosa? I think it's episode one. I don't know what happens.

I don't know what you're talking about. The boobs. There's boobs? In that scene. Pretty sure. There's boobs in the whole series. There's a lot of breasts? There are breasts.

I think in episode one there are breasts. I've been watching Sopranos on planes, and there's just a lot of boobs, and I don't like... Yeah, he has a lot of goomars. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't like that. Do you guys have a goo Mars? Wanna say it back cuz I'm worried of what it might mean. Yeah, I have an idea I told I do more do you say like that? Do you have a goo more? Is that like is it like a is it like a Spanish verb? Like gumo, guman.

To goom. It's like the Italian, like, side piece. Oh. Yeah. I've never seen The Sopranos, but he was watching it, and I only watched for like 10 minutes, and I was like, if Aiden knew what those words meant, that would be bad. What? Because there were a lot of Italian slurs in that show.

Oh, yeah. And Aiden let them fly. I was like, that's tough to hear. I'm watching the show and not letting them fly. Not Italian slurs. Slurs in Italian. Yeah. It's the same thing.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it would be a slur for an Italian person. Italian. Yeah. It's the same thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it'd be a slur for an Italian person. Italian slurs. It's slurs in the Italian language but not for Italian people. Oh my God, dude. My trainer,

he... Dude, he was... Are you narking? I'm narking. You're an Italian trainer? He's not Italian but he does martial arts and he was telling me

he had this big meet that happened and he was talking he talks about competing and stuff like that and I'm like oh that's cool it's always interesting to hear and he's like yeah dude it was tough though the first time I rolled with this guy and I was like whoa

we don't say that anymore I know you're like 10 years older than me but we all got in is his era. I'll tell you about how Halo 2, Combat Elite, they didn't fuck around. They would say that shit all the time. Yeah, he's like, no, they say it like I play video games, bro. And I'm like, he actually

does play. But yeah, I was like, damn, this is crazy. And then, you know... If you don't play video games and you have that in your vocabulary, that's confusing to me. No, it probably is like a commonly used term, I assume, in fighting. Like, fighting culture probably had just as big of an issue with language like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was like, it's like that little gut check.

I went to the tournament. It was really fun. Battle of BC in Canada. I had a really good time. He MC'd. Did you know that? Did you guys know that? Did you guys know that? I watched him.

Did you like it? Because I checked my phone after I got off and went to your stream, and it was just a lot of subways. Do you think he was electric? I will come clean. I did not go live until the second set of Top 8. What are you looking at me? So I missed your MCing on stream.

I watched it personally, but I was not live. No, you didn't, because I was up before that, too. I had cool plansceeing on stream. I watched it personally, but I didn't because I was up before that I had cool plans for you were the main emceeing was during top 8 start when you announced everybody I did a brand I know I know I know and we watched that and I was like The main thing is when he called everybody up top 8 He said we're gonna go through everybody. I read the ad like you and he made it cool like you, dad. You're like sponsor stands. How so? You did sponsor read.

That's about it. There's no other comparison I got for you. Stands the guy. Is there anybody who doesn't ad read sponsor stands? Oh, cutie for an event hired stands to just do ad reads. And he was called sponsor stands. Oh. Like a, like a SpongeBob character.

That's pretty good. Like the talking fish with the suit. And he'd come up and he would just do the ad read, then he'd leave. That's pretty good. I like that. What did you like about the event? Did you play? It was great.

I played. Toph fucking washed me on the street. I thought you were going to say that. I really did. Imagine. I thought you were just going to casually hit the Nelk Boys record. Chekhov's Nelk Boys language. Yeah.

Yeah, Toph washed me And then I ran through a couple bored people And then I almost beat the guy That ended up beating Toph to get out But it was fun It was fun, I just played a lot Everyone was really nice, typical, as always But I have a fun little game to play

A fun little game to play Only one person who came up to me was cringe Guess amongst yourselves. We know the person. Oh, we know them. Oh, no, no, not you guys. I'm talking about everyone who may listen to this. Oh, who's listening. And they were like, was it me? Oh, because they're going to be listening.

And that's a little fun little game. You injected them all with a little insecurity. Yeah, and now mafia starts. You blanket punished everyone for the cringe of one. And that's how it should be. And that of one and that's how it should be that's good That's how society should be. I know why are you using a Tucker cadence now? No yeah Who's talking about this? You're gonna tell the story of what happened those cringe

It's not about that it's more about like who did it this yeah this is just for you and them yeah you missed the boat yeah there was a boat party i walked there because i didn't want to take an uber i'm taking a page out of ludwig's book this is the tweet and instead and so i got there and i didn't know it actually shoved off into the water i thought they just kept it docked like a casino i'll be real i didn't know it shoved off me Yeah I read the tweet so many times I read it like 8 times And I was like What do you guys think it means Um

I read it as like Like What I thought you meant Was like They didn't let you on Because it was full I read it Because you showed up late

As the boat fucked off Like the boat fucked off And I missed it Well it did It did fuck off So to speak Yeah I thought you were just using Like aggressive language I think I think she Messed Yeah, I thought you were just using aggressive language.

I think she messed me up. I thought maybe it was a person. Well, that's how we talk about vessels. Right. And nations. Not we. Not us. No.

We don't use that gender language. That boat had they-thems. They-them cruise lines. They-them runners go faster. Yeah, I think that's a romantic idea is that we talk about like nations of soil and also boats in with the female pronouns. Do you think it's bad because we conquer nations? No, because they birth us.

No, because we're also a nation and we conquer, so it cancels out. I don't think we should be talking about birth of a nation. We can make the call right now. No, no. I'm saying we are born from the nation. Yeah. We all come from the nation. It was a propaganda, very harmful film.

I don't watch movies. He's not talking about the birth of a nation. We're just born in this nation. This land is our land. This land is your land. This land is your land. Mm-hmm. And everyone is asking where Aiden was.

Every Canadian I came across at the tournament was like, where's Aiden? Oh, yeah. Where's Aiden? Where's Aiden? This and that. And I had to say, he's not here. He doesn't want to be here with you.

He's at a carnival. He's at a carnival. For electricity. A daisy. Yeah, you are actually kind of fake that you bailed on a smash major to go do drugs. Not only that, it beat his record for biggest Pacific Northwest tournament ever. Wow.

Yeah. It'd be that. I've had the record for a long time at like 1200, 1300 attendees. It's like one of those Guinness records that like, you don't even know. You don't even know exists, but I keep track of most pogo stick and bounces.

Most parking cones held while juggling. And, uh, Kevin, Kevin Deer passed me up so congratulations it sounded like a great tournament

is that why you didn't go because you're bitter and spiteful and you hate him no I that's my one of my main tournaments I want to go to

Mr. Deer eat shit yeah where'd you go Aiden I know you want to fucking talk about all the drugs you took

I don't want to talk about I actually didn't want to talk about it because I knew it was going to be a thing where you all make fun of me for doing drugs yeah we will do that we will do that do you guys want to decide if I got owned or not I wasn't want to talk about it because I knew it was going to be a thing where you all make fun of me for doing drugs.

Yeah, we will do that. We will do that. Do you guys want to decide if I got owned or not? I wasn't going to fucking talk about it. All right, let's not bring it up. We'll talk about it in a bit. I'm going to tell a story for you first. You guys want to decide if I got owned or not?

Yeah. Okay, so I went to the Griffith Observatory. Ooh, love that place. Been there a few times. Living in LA. Why'd you look at me like that? I don't know. Don't ever do it again.

Hey, don't ever do it again. Yes, sir. I spent maybe an hour trying to try. I'm observing Tories in my head, and I never got there. But I think like a long time ago, I might have got there. Yeah, you definitely aren't as sharp. British people are? Yeah. I was just trying to make a wordplay.

I was born at the Griffith Observatory. You're a shell of who you were. Observatory. Observatory. So was born at the griffith you're a shell of who you were so um we go at the griffith there's usually like a lot of people speaking a lot of different languages and we were out on the balcony and there was a uh lululemon handbag that was left like on a handrail and it was like very heavy they clearly had someone's like phone wallet keys like everything and i saw it and the group i was with was like oh it's weird and like kind of walked by and i was like we should probably like go return that right and they're like yeah sure i'm like okay i'll go do it you guys go and

fucking do the thing i'll go do it and so i go do it i go i go i pick it up and i start walking to the front and i get chased down by this woman who is like i think like like six years younger than me and uh maybe more maybe Maybe 10 years younger than me. And she speaks only Spanish. And my whole group I was with almost all spoke Spanish. Really? Yeah. And so I went alone.

This is a very unlucky thing that happened. Numbers wise. And she will not let me take the bag. And I'm like, oh, is this yours? And she's like, no. She's just like, no. And then she's like, follow me. And I'm like oh is this yours and she's like no like she's just like no and then she's like follow me i'm like okay so i'm following her at this bag and we so like we're on the second story of the griffiths laboratory and it's like on this it was just sitting on a handrail we go to the first story and then she takes it from me and she puts it on that handrail and then she goes

like she points at it and i'm like this is past my threshold i don't want to figure this out anymore i wanted to be a good person i do not care about being a good person anymore i think if you do that a core oxide comes out yeah no if you're that deep in the shrine you have to complete it yeah so i left and i was like you win if this is you're stealing this or if it's your bag i don't know i don't care yeah i did my part i left my group to help yeah you try to be a good person do you think this person owned me what do you think what did she say in spanish could you I don't care. Yeah. I did my part. I left my group to help. Yeah, you tried to be a good person. Do you think this person owned me? What do you think they were- What did she say in Spanish?

Could you replicate it using sounds? Not even a little bit. Speak the words she did. Yeah, just speak Spanish to us. Hablamof. It means we speak. Yeah. It does.

It does. Yeah. I don't remember. Oh, by the way, real quick. Yes, you got owned. Okay. But Aiden also got owned Yay Why is this pivoting to me?

Whoa Cuz cuz in the fucking that the platform that movie you said it was Portuguese It's a Spanish movie Wow Yes, so many people in the comments were like No, so many people tagged me and corrected me. Hey, movie guy! And I'm like, I can't even say it.

I just told him the name of the movie. But you didn't correct him, film guy. But why did they tell him? Because you're a film guy. Film guy. You're really going to get mad at social network Andy over here. Yeah. Oh no, he knows where every country is in Europe and their GDP. No, he doesn't. No and their gdp doesn't yes no better than

you you do not know better than me false false absolutely okay zipper pull up a map of europe i want you to point out kosovo kosovo yeah the confidence is actually crazy yeah it's gotta be a dog. Oh, he's bullshitting. He doesn't know it. He doesn't know it. Yeah, you're gonna feel a little nervous about Cosa. Well, you're gonna pull up Eastern Europe because it's in Eastern Europe. But also, there was another thing.

It was the Kimba thing. Oh, I know. I wanted to correct the record. I'm wrong about that. You were literally Tucker Carlson on that episode. What's Kimba? Kimba was the Japanese

lion cartoon that was allegedly what Lion King was based off of Which is incorrect The old Kimba show Which came out before Lion King Has nothing to do with Lion King's plot I don't like this fact correct shit

Can we just lie? Can we just have fun and lie? The Portuguese thing I genuinely remembered it as That sounds fun No lying is cool But you have to be funny when you do it Hold on

Now I'm worried Because I have this mental connection Between that movie sounds fun no lying is cool but you have to be funny when you do it now i'm worried because i i have this mental connection between that movie and this show called three percent which i also think is portuguese so if that show is spanish i think my world is crumbling around me i've thought spanish is portuguese my entire life baby though that's just an honest mistake you just flipped two languages and that are very similar you don't know what they're called. Yeah, they're the same people. Yeah, and basically in your Western-centric view of the world, it's all... They're in the...

They? They should learn American. What do you mean, they? Then should learn American. Look, look, Eamon, look. Spaniards, famously not a part of the West. It's Portuguese, you did it. Portugal, famously not part of the West.

What? Hmm? The West, like the West.? Hmm the West like the West yeah, yeah like the Roman Portugal they didn't colonize anybody they didn't fuck any shit up Receipts because you got a language wrong you're like well, where'd you colonize it? This is just a world map he's gonna I could point to the general location I can't get quarters? Oh no! Oh no! Close your eyes! Close your eyes! Close your eyes! He's not closing the other side! Caesar's looking. I could point to the general location, but Caesar's- So can I!

Just fucking google European map. You're supposed to google European map. If you look up European map quiz- Yeah, but, you know. And then we gotta zoom in. Cause Kosovo's small as fuck. Cause your eyes are bad. Cause your eyes are fading.

Oh, Kosovo's small as fuck. Dude, it is small. You think it's small as fuck. It is small. It is small. They're small in Kosovo. small as fuck. Dude, it is small. They're small. It is small. They're small in Kosovo. Yeah, they're small people. Small Kosovians.

The result of a vicious, vicious civil war. Alright, go Kosovo, Kosovo. And then you have Albania for the boys. Yo, Europe kinda looks like a ball and a dick. I can't see you cause your big ass hand. I can't- which one are you pointing to he's looking yeah you're pointing to that tiny one that's like next to the boot part of Serbia isn't it or it used to be a part of Serbia

okay they're just standing in this okay he pointed out Albania, Greece. Pfft. You know, I used to hate how proud they were about European countries. They're not talking to Mike, so we have to carry on. Yeah, which is fine. Alright, guys, what happened?

Tell us the postgame here. He knew specifically where it was. He's better at European geography than me. You could just ask him one specific place to get him back now and we could be even or he could win Because he asked you the place so you get to decide one too.

Yeah, I'm sure he doesn't know where Uzbekistan is. I was literally gonna use Uzbekistan as an example. We like that one. You're gonna use Uzbekistan as an example for European quiz knowledge. Well. Which is what this was. Oh was it is it Europe specifically? Yes.

It's all one big continent. Yeah. No. I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I- Oh, was it is it your specific? Yes. It's all one big continent. Yeah The world Connects to Asia. It's still two continents. No, it shouldn't be you know It literally shouldn't be but it is but we just call it that Everything's in our back to Pangea party We were one big ass I, it was kind of swag. Bring back Pangea.

Estonia. Estonia. Uh, yeah, easy. It's the one south of Finland. Oh, dude. Why didn't you fucking? Oh, it's a G. He's better.

Dude, I fall apart in Eastern Europe. I, I, I, that whole line. You have never respected the Slavic countries. It is, we've always said that. I'm learning my history. You know, I took an Eastern European literature class. I didn't do that. Name one Eastern European literature writer.

Dulkvik. That is not a guy. You could have said Dostoevsky. You said Dulkvik. I thought it was close. That's crazy. No, no, look up a Dulkvik book. How do you spell that?

You spell Dulkvik, yeah. Dulkvik. Yeah, right. D-O-K with an umlau. V-I-C maybe K. Whichever one has a book. Yeah, whichever guy...

That's the right idea. No pause. Yeah, I look. I cheated my way through that class. Is that what you want to hear? I cheated my way through that class. Is that what you want to hear? I cheated the entirety of the class. I love hearing your failures. I cheated in so many classes.

I tried to get a bloody nose on one of the tests so I could go to the bathroom so I could Google the answers. What did you do? You, like, think really hard about it? I put a pencil up my nose for, like, five minutes straight. The sharp end? There's easier ways to cheat. No, no, no, the eraser end.

No balls. You just wiggle it around? Yeah, just wiggle it around on my nose. She caught caught me the sharp one will make you caught you got caught cheating I got caught putting a giant pencil on my nose if she was just like don't like Super good call Well, I thought that was writing Can I say by the way because I so in the tournament i commentated with toph we were electric it was great but also mc to the top eight which we talked about he was also electric

apparently i i will not say whether or not i am electric on that i will let the delegation of here's what i'll say shut the fuck up you were done dirty well there was no crowd mic oh yeah that was fucked it sounded ghostly quiet that's why mcs always sound cringe on stream because there's no crowd most mics are crowds are mic these days but either way i will say i was born to be in front of a crowd i felt no i know listen when remember in mobile money don't fucking sigh you guys you've been shitting on me i'm gonna get married to babe we're gonna sleep on the floor and you're both doing public she doesn't have to sleep on the floor. And you're both doing public speakers. She doesn't have to sleep on the floor.

You already said that. But she. Will want to. She'll want to. She won't. And if she doesn't. She definitely will. She will.

She'll be on the floor. She'll be on the floor. Because she's a floor girl. She's a floor girl. That's with me. Why are you meant to be in front of crowds? I don't know. But when I got up there, I realized there's like some people are like,

oh, I'm nervous and this and that. I was like, no, this just makes sense. Everything made sense. I don't know why. I think it's because ever since I was a little kid, I've imagined me being in front of an audience. And when I'm actually in front of one, it's just like correct.

You're supposed to be there. I don't know. He's born to do it. He's born to entertain it just felt good it was like you and mola money you started doing crowd work and shit i'm like you dad we're the same bitch kiddo i'm like yeah dad huh you did great i didn't read it man you don't care i don't i i'm also free because I don't care that you don't care anymore. I care.

I'm happy. I'm happy you're happy. I'm happy that you found joy in it. You're doing it. You're doing it right now. That's great. I care. I'm Aiden.

I'm Aiden Pills. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. I care. He cares. Don't purse your lips. In the father-son analogy, you shouldn't be pursing your lips at your son.

Why? But I love you I don't want the nape No, not today, dad Tell me I did a bad job I don't want the nape That's hard Dude, I was listening to a pot about this

I've been catching up And fucking Caleb's rap name White Phosphorus Very funny Those guys are fucking funny Dude, I shaved my asshole And my shits are way better now what? manscaped ad read

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Don't eat the balm. I didn't know what balm meant, and I still don't. So that's why I thought it might be for eating. But you're not supposed to eat it. He threw up everywhere. I like this because when I use my regular face razor on my balls, I always cut myself, and then I start bleeding, and then I worry about, like, what if everything in my balls comes out?

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and also how more spiders come from other times and other places instead of your balls. Back to you. I got owned this week too. How'd you get owned? Christian, my gym guy. Yeah. Gym coach.

I was wearing this. With the necklace? No, no necklace necklace just the tank top yeah, and then I was wearing cargo pants Yeah, and he kept calling me guile Wait did he call you guile independent of us saying that? Yes, and I instantly said to myself I thought that was insane because when you tweeted it I was like we called you that I instantly told him I was like Slime would be so happy because he calls me that all the time and he's like

Two people that's I mean that's well Mike was like, slime would be so happy because he calls me that all the time. And he's like, two people. That's, I mean, that's. Well, Mike was the one who said it years ago. Yeah. And so it's, it's just following suit. But he got all, he was like two people. I mean, a lot of people are saying it. And I was like, it's two people. It's not that many.

So then he starts going around to people at the gym and he starts asking. He's like, you know, Street Fighter? And they'll be like, yeah. He's like, this guy looked like Guile. And then they'd be like, yeah, he kind of does. And then they thought it was really funny. So then they'd go to like other people in the gym without me knowing and then say, go to Ludwig and say he looks like Guile.

And they'd walk up to me, never had a conversation before. They'd be like, you look like Guile from Street Fighter. And then he like apparently says Sonic Boom. Yeah. Did you not know that? Guile. I don't, I'm not. You didn't know that? What? That's what he said. He says Sonic Boom. Yeah. Did you not know that? Guile. I'm not a questioner.

Sonic Boom. What? That's what he said. He said Sonic Boom. How did you say it? Sonic Boom. Does he have an accent? It's when, yes, he's actually an American military guy.

Okay. When I played Street Fighter X plus Alpha, that's how he said it. Well, he would do that, Christian. Yeah. He'd Sonic Boom me. He doesn't know flash kick I bet I don't know flash kick

that's a down hold input you don't think he could pull that off Christian this is less about how he doesn't know that and more about

how you do know that I'm just saying everyone knows about sonic boom but if Christian's like oh you should do a flash kick then it's like

okay this guy goes 2-2 now he's really good now he's a pro no you know it would be even funnier in the gym? If everyone was going around and they were like, Yo, bro, doesn't Ludwig look like E. Honda? And everyone's like,

Yeah, he kind of does. Do you know who E. Honda is? No. Can you show us a picture of E. Honda? You actually might like him a lot. I don't feel like I will like him. He's Japanese. I don't think I want to look like someone who's Japanese you know ball people can't be sumo wrestlers? No.

What? That's just not true. Why would you? That just can't be true. Bald people can't be sumo wrestlers. He can't be a sumo wrestler. Just say Santa's real. You won't be able to be one.

You'll never be one. You're saying I can't eat 5,000 calories a day and feats of strength against my fellow man? Well, you can do that, but you can't be called a sumo while doing it. You just be called... Are you considered a sumo wrestler before your first wrestle?

No. So, like, if I trained for the next 40 years to be a sumo wrestler and I... And you never competed? I never competed. Would I be one in the meantime? I mean, like...

What? Oh, I thought zipper farted super loud, but it was not that. Yeah, he can't fart. No. Because what you're labeled is what other people

think you're labeled. You're just a dick. I'm learning. I know. If I spend 40 years writing in the woods, but no one has ever read what I write, and I burn it, am I a writer? That makes you a little red. Yes, you're a writer. You wrote. What the fuck are you talking

about? Nobody knows I wrote. Well, that's just an existential question. That's what I'm saying about him. Everyone's watching me train. Everyone knows. Yeah, he just hasn't done a round. I gain weight. I gain a lot of it. He's huge.

He looks bad. I look exactly like a sumo. Wait, good or bad? Because if he looks bad, he's probably not a sumo. He's just out of shape. I mean, he's out of shape. He's 5,000 calories a day. Mostly canes.

I think sumo wrestlers are in shape. Well, they're definitely a mix. I'm eating bagel bites only. He's 40 plastic you could you could you could scan him and pay for like a coffee with him he's like the next matchup for boogie boogie 8 2 1 9 oh yeah did boogie's i sleep yeah did you see it that's fat no what wasn't it boogie and wings of redemption. Yeah, these are like two YouTubers who were popular a decade ago that are both about 400 pounds,

and they fought each other in a boxing match. It was like if you put the Walmart parking lot in a Pack-A-Punch machine. It was crazy. They did not show a lot of expertiseise or at least Boogie didn't And he lost pretty quickly To Wings of Redemption A Call of Duty YouTuber Formerly Call of Duty YouTuber

Are they alive to this day? This was a week ago I thought they did this 10 years ago So they're 400 pounds now No matter what the context, asking if Boogie and Wings of Redemption are alive today. They are alive today. They made it through.

Congratulations. Big dub for them. Glad you checked in. Is Hutch alive? Is C-Nander's alive or is he in the sarcophagus? He's alive doing real estate or something. Where's Operator Perry at? Anyone know?

Who's that? He's the guy who made up Quad. What? He's still up, wasn't he? You just yell Quad when you kill four people. Yeah, he was an ASU student. That's why. I know he wasn't.

Yup. He's back with us. So I'm putting everybody in ASU. Fuck. It's a big school. I know it's a big school in the country, but you know. The biggest school in the country? Is that true?

By, yeah, the amount of people who go. I never knew. By the only measure. Well, I guess it's the biggest school in the country, but, you know. The biggest school in the country? Is that true? By, yeah, the amount of people who go. I never knew. By the only measure, well, I guess it's not the only measure. Yeah, the size of the school. The largest campus. Also goes to ASU, Sun Devil Square. What? Huge square in Sun Devil Square.

It's where it went down. Aren't we supposed to do, like, a toupee thing? Yes. Oh, right. Speaking of, I don't know if you're interested. I'm not. I have a toupee guy. Oh, not. I have a toupee guy. Oh, really?

I have a toupee guy. Costs about a thousand bucks. Can do a custom toupee. Right off. However you want it. Probably get him on the pod. Is he well-read? I don't think he's read Dulkvik, but he knows his shit.

Okay. Does he know where Kosovo is? Better than you, for sure. He might mistake shit. Okay. Does he know where Kosovo is? Better than you for sure. I- You might mistake North Macedonia. This is important. Look at me and tell me I didn't get the general area. You didn't get the general area. I shifted. You kinda did. You didn't get the general area. I definitely got the general area. No blink either. Wow.

Look, he hit the peninsula. What do you want from him? Yeah. I'm on the right- It's not a peninsula. Oh, the Balkan Peninsula isn't a peninsula. No. It's also not the Balkans. I don't know. Shit. Wait, is it? What?

It is the Balkans. No, it's not. It's not the Balkans. It's so handsome. God damn it. It's not the Balkans at all. This is a fun geography podcast. Wait, wait, wait.

Listen. This is an important question. Is the toupee guy bald? I don't know. I can ask. Or does he have a toupee? Like, is he trying to say i have his i have his info like it it's it's like if you have a barber who has like a sick

ass haircut you're like okay okay kosovo is in the balkans the balkan peninsula you're the balkan wait you were both wrong wait you weren't even right about no he actually was i was super right you did you posted that one i genuinely and he did get it because i remember he said greece macedonia north macedonia um i can't see oh yeah they have hair oh yeah it's a girl oh you said it was a toupee guy yeah i was wrong so you actually don't have this, like, connection. You just, like, Googled someone. Wait, how do you meet this person? No, no, this is someone that Cutie knows intimately,

and that's where I found them out. Cutie has a toupee guy. Cutie has a toupee girl. And then gave me her toupee girl. I don't know. Does Cutie have a toupee? Toupee girl. Good.

Or bald son. Or bald son. Toupee girl. I'll take toupee girl. Oh, you're crazy. Because at least you can be a toupee girl. No way toupee girl no you're crazy cause at least you can do a joke no way bro

no cap no cap say no cap say no cap dude so we can do that but do we have do we have assets here

do we have like options for your hair we do so what we're gonna do is I put out the bad signal on Twitter and I had our lovely viewers

basically make up hairstyles for myself and we're gonna go through and see which ones we like. If one of them really sings to us that'll be the one I get. I want you to look like me. I mean that would be cool but like I want you to have this.

I want you to look like Guile. Dude it would just be the funniest thing ever if you had his hair. Or we give you a slipknot like e money What I'm What are you talking about the hairstyle for sure? I had a stroke it where are we? The hairstyle for sumos is that not called a slipknot. Why are we in it outside, but it's inside What is this?

Honda. Oh! That's it. E-Money? Yeah, that's E-Rob. Is it called a Slipknot? I don't know. I don't know the band. I instantly thought about duality.

Can you look up Slipknot so I didn't say anything? Yeah, so we can see how the band is doing. I push my Ludwig into my car's bed. I don't know the reference. Yeah, you don't listen to music. Slipknot hairstyle. Top knot. Alright, yeah, so do you have them, Zipper?

Okay, we're gonna get started, we're gonna start scrolling through, or we're just gonna like look at some, uh, some hairstyles. Jesus fuck. No way. Radstad's actually got me that dinosaur shirt, cause I always comment on his dinosaur shirts, and I took this in his bathroom. So then, that's the rads dad's hairstyle would hey would we this is great

wait go back i don't i don't i don't hate it it's a little long oh really i just think it's long for me dude but think about i'm learning something from seeing this like him with luscious hair like hair that he can like like like let down or put up. That gives us multiple ways. I just assume in my head a toupee that's that long would require a good amount of work to not fall flat. And I don't know if you do it. And then I feel like you would look like you have like.

Wouldn't that be funny, though, if it looked terrible? I'd rather you look like you have hair. The funniest thing is that it looks like you're trying to make it look good. Yeah, have hair the funniest thing is that it looks like you're trying to make it look good yeah that's the funniest thing possible without actually achieving that because if it looks bad

it looks like you're wearing a wig which is a joke but if it looks like you're trying to look good then it'll be funnier to everyone else it is funny and more embarrassing for you

like a fucking startup fucker some NorCal piece of shit I want you to look like a startup fucker alright next one so this looks like the Corey Matthews no this is wait Some norcal startup fucker all right next one So this looks like the Corey Matthews. No, this is wait. This is what's his name?

This man survived is this Tarek. I thought it was On him again Oh 2015 LD I thought that was Nathan for you here Nathan's hairline is actually really interesting, and this is not it. But, okay, well, what do we think? I call this Corey Matthews. I think it is fucking... I think it's a little boring. It's really funny, but I don't like how it doesn't...

Think about, I'm doing this for a month, so think about the longevity of that. Is it still funny after three weeks? I think I've been sold on longer hair. Yeah, I think it's a little too short. You can't do a lot with it. All right, let's keep going Now this one is Ludwig hair. Oh, so this is literally Ludwig's hair. God, that's funny This is the best option if it's possible. This by the way is an amazing edit. Yeah, this looks great Whoever did this shouts out. It's because you can also see it's also Ludwig's forehead. Yeah

Until a certain point. I can't get that one. Until around like the, above the brow. That one line. I just can't get Ludwig's forehead. I think, I think it looks good. You need to do something to maintain this though. You look like someone's like nibbling on your mouth. I can teach you how to do my hair. You can use, in my fake hair. You can use his hair tutorial he made.

I can teach you. Do you remember when he posted that hair tutorial? Yeah. You did? Yeah. Yeah. you remember when he posted that hair tutorial? Yeah. You did? Yeah. Yeah, it was when he was traveling. I can give you a tutorial personally. I can do your hair every morning. This is my number one at the moment.

All right. And Slime Stads is number two. All right, next one. What? Oh. Oh, shit. I think Archie submitted this one. Now, this is what looks like a bowl cut like a yeah like a i don't know like a young european guy but with a heart cut into it i don't think the heart would work you know the heart take your hat off yeah sorry that's my fault i don't think

this heart is actually possible really oh it's just look at the hair oh you're right we could do this yeah no no the heart is why I like it so without the heart I don't want the heart really the hearts like the it's like the bangs like the drink let's let's do this and then me and you we can go to a club in Munich you couldn't have that length and that heart you'd have to have much shorter hair sure but what do we think of the hairstyle and we are we ignoring the? It's ultimately a tank gunner. Ignoring the heart.

I think if we're going to go bowl cut, we go bowl cut like fucking like a guy from next to classified like coconut. That's the guy. Yeah. I think also my haircut you could make into that

if you wanted like you could switch. That is true. Yeah. Ludwig used to do this thing when we were driving. He's like, I can be ugly. Look, and then I'll put

his hair down in front of his forehead. And I'm like, Ludwig, don't this thing when we were driving He's like I can be ugly look And then he'll put his hair down In front of his forehead Don't roleplay being ugly When you're hot You used to go eww I needed to do that And I'm a child And I didn't get nuggies that day Well you didn't have object permanence yet

So you were like who are you You used to get really scared Alright next one what so this is like a davinky type of this is pink oh this is pink like alicia moore is that her name i only know that from the punked episode where she had to give her government yeah this is alicia moore's hair i think i don't like this one next all right. I don't like this one. Next. All right, next. We don't like it. You also wouldn't be able to do it. Okay, so this is a face app. Oh, my God.

You could be so hot. This is just a different hot guy. Yeah, this is not you. They, like, straightened my teeth. This is the Nipah hair. This is a face app with Nipah hair. Yeah. I don't know.

I like it. My hair didn't grow like this, by the way. This is kind of my hair in high school. No, no, no. You can't have this hair. You'd be like, um... You'd give me, like, a Ben Affleck vibe. Like by the way. This is kind of my hair in high school. No, no, no, you can't have this hair. You'd be like, um... You'd give me like a Ben Affleck vibe. Like you're like kind of...

Isn't it David Dobrik hair? Yeah, kind of. It's very much so. It's also a little bit difficult to keep it like that. Yeah, you gotta... It's also the hairstyle, I will say, of receding men. Receding hairline men. Yeah, because you can put it...

You can conceal a lot here. Next, next, next. Jesus fucking Christ. put it... You can conceal a lot here. Next. Next one. Jesus fucking Christ. Who is this? That's a blonde villain. Why do we keep dressing you? Because why not?

I guess it's good to imagine. Do I not wear clothes? Dude, blonde, silked. Again, this is totally doable with my hair. It would just require you to bleach it. This is a worse version of the Ludwig hair, I feel like. Yeah, I guess Ludwig's hair does offer a lot of customization options uh his hair is like ombre at this point i don't know what that word is it's like it goes from dark to light

yeah umbron nope no that's the that's the coven i think dark type i think no matter what long hair is better because then you can switch because you can get long hair cut but you can't right now i'm either feeling ludwig's exact haircut or the the slime stats yep i'm with you next okay wow so what if we went crazy what is this uh this is this is like alt girl basically it's a scene haircut with zebra stripes and a flower. I thought of Boxy right away. I thought of Ronnie Radke, but it's too girly. I wouldn't mind if he had a ponytail. But, like, not this type of ponytail. Like a D&D ponytail.

What does that mean? Like, gamer guy ponytail. Oh, yeah. Bro, I could just... Yeah, like, I keep my actual hair like... Come on. Get the ponytail, and then we can go play Warhammer. He sent me a store. I want to go mullet. Come on. Get a mullet or a skullet. Get the ponytail, and then we can go play Warhammer.

He sent me a store. I want to go to the store. I want to play Warhammer. We go to the store and play Warhammer. You come with me. We'll fit right in. And just, we smell like terrible shit. No, you smell great.

No, we can smell good. You can smell good. None of this one. All right, next one. This is Yu-Gi-Oh! I don't think we can do that. Wow. Jesus.

These FaceApp ones are so sad looking. No, I like it. This is how I would look with slightly different features. This is a really good option. FaceApp has to have bolstered the plastic surgery business. Just like 400%. Oh, yeah, 100%. You're hot.

You look great. I wouldn't mind this. I don't look like I look you can teach me I'm a surf and you to hold my body while we did this guy is 65 I would hold you look at me. Can you look at me and then I'm gonna switch Yeah, right you can't it you cannot tell Right, I'm him. It doesn't look bad. Did Dude, that would be, it would just feel like a wig, I think. Yeah, I think if it's too long, it would feel like a wig. Yeah.

And if it's too short, then you couldn't do much with it. And so almost the ideal length. Ah, shut up, Ludwig. All right, next one, next one. Don't look like that. Is this the Ludwig haircut? This is Chad Ludwig. Is this Chad?

Chad wig. No, this is the haircut, yeah, that I photoshopped. You know what's good is he could just do this at the end of his toupee if he has your haircut. Stop talking about it like it's your doll to play with. It absolutely is. This is my fucking life. Your life is meant to be ruined by us. I don't have enough Riz to suffer this toupee for a month.

I think it would have been a failure if we don't go through many stairs. You should try to fuck once in the toupee. Yeah, that should be your goal. It's time to get back on the fucking hinge horse. Just like, hey guys.

Looking for someone to fuck me in this weird toupee. It's just this photo. You have to tell her it's a toupee. Yeah, it's like I think everyone in a toupee should have to disclose it.

It's like toupee percent. It's unethical. It's like it's like everyone in a two-page like to pay to pay percent. It's Like you have to immediately disclose that you're wearing a toupee and see how long it takes to have sex with somebody The next line pull a condom like like peel the glue up Pull a condom out Wow, okay. Well this is just a lotwig option, so we can... Yeah, this is... Okay, no. No. Sora.

No wigs. Also, I got a mustache. Wow, that is young nut. That's young nut. No, that's... Oh, is it? I thought it was Jesse Eisenberg. I mean, it is similar.

Similar. I think the hair is actually Cam's, though. So, this would suck. No, this is funny. It looks like a wig. It would be funny. This is pretty fucking funny. Like a 1950s mother in a cartoon. This might be my new number two, honestly. Yeah, this is funny. It looks like it would be fun. This is pretty fucking funny. Like a, like a 1950s mother.

This might be my new number two. Honestly. Yeah. This is up there for me. Cause like you, if you got mad at me with that hair, I'd be like, what about,

what do you want? Jacob? Huh? That is a punk Dylan. Yeah. Yeah. Jacob, I have to shut his fucking mouth.

Sorry. Sorry. I'm back through you again. This is really funny. Oh, this is up there for me. That's maybe, maybe two so yeah, it looks like you maybe one. What's the next one? That's like a Chad blonde highlights Which I'm saying no just because of the fake Bush did 9-11 tattoo which isn't funny. I'm gonna say no next one. Yeah Okay, you're like you're like dave grohl yeah

this is like steve from gamers nexus you actually kind of like christ yeah i know i get that a lot hey i like the no face app though i am 33 and that is how i look that's my real face and my real hair again if it's that long i worry local man on pcp arrested for looking for alligator pussy. I do. Like I was, I started a, like a bread, like a bakery in a really bougie part of town. And then I got arrested later on for alligator pussy. You were searching for alligator pussy on PCP and you had nunchucks,

but this was the, because I'm a white guy and I killed four people. This is the mugshot that they use. Yeah. You smile. What happened? Local hero accidentally murders. Yeah. And and I killed four people this is the mugshot that yeah, yeah, you smile Local hero accidentally murders local bakery hero Grizzly crime, and it's like this is the bread terrorists

All right funny next one. Uh, waves? Wow, waves. Do we have this technology? I don't think, I don't think I don't think that's good to do. Imagine you took off the shirt when you were playing Valorant and you had waves like it was a do-rag.

I think that would be bad. This would be bad. But it's on the table. Definitely the top choice right now. Next one. It's bad, but it's... No. No.

No. This is Anakin. What is that even called? This is Anakin. What is it called? Is it a rat tail? It's a long... Well, it's this Padawan rat tail.

Yeah, but it's a rat tail. It is a... It's a Jedi rat tail. If you did this... No, because then you're just like a Star Wars fan. If you did this and only wore Star Wars shirts, I think I vote for this it said nothing about it. Yeah I'm just the Star Wars guy Yeah, this is probably a no but fun to look at next one your little tummies been looking a little little snatch

Love I've been looking snatch. I think that I will say it's giving. Whoa. Well, hey, I'm not the only one that's giving. A lot of people at Mogul Moves Incorporated are giving these days, because we're on Factor, baby. Yeah. We're looking hot and young and fresh. Factor is just sending us food, and we're eating it because we don't know how to cook or think. We are

a Factor family, and included in that Factor family is Shake Drizzle. And let's just do a quick show for you all. This is a real thing. Shake Drizzle lost a bunch of weight. Here's the before picture he posted on Twitter. Here's the after picture. He attributed to this weight loss to factor.

Mixed with exercise, of course. We're not fucking hitting the Fogel treatment here. He lost a bunch of weight, and it's because Factor tells you all your macros, and they have very protein-dense meals, and they're ready to eat in two minutes in the microwave. Factor's fresh, never frozen meals are ready in two minutes. They got a bunch. A little more chutzpah,

huh? Factor! Alright, he got racist. It only took a little bit. Oh, Italian's racist. You need nutritious, convenient meals to energize you. Oh wait, this is I'm ready. You need nutritious, convenient meals to energize you. Oh, wait, this is the same slide. No, we go back. We are fucking ruining this.

What is happening? Okay, we already said all of this. Shake Jizzle looks really good. He looks really good. And you could look really good too. Do you think he looks... You look really good, bro. I look as good as you.

And I wanted to make fun of Shake for eating only one thing exclusively, but they have 34 meals a week choices. Like, different choices, not the amount you have to eat. They also got juices and smoothies and breakfast options. Bacon and cheddar egg bites? So anyway, if you want to look snatched and you want to lose some weight like Shaky D or me, then go to factormeals.com slash theyard50

for 50% off your first box. Get me the egg bites. Buy me the egg bites. If you eat Factor, your face will transform into Ludwig. The same code works in Amsterdam. This is your fastest way to get Ludwig's jawline is by consuming Factor meals.

Whoa, I've never seen your neck do that. Dude, that is so weird. That looks weird. The Factor does not make you weird. That's all your genetics and the way you look. You'll you'll become a factor freak like me. That's the code, the yard of... You're gonna be a factor freak.

It's like Resident Evil. Theyard50 at factormeals.com slash theyard50. Join me! 50% off your first box of Factor Meals. America's number one range meal kit. Stop doing that with your fucking mouth. Oh my god. Start the reactor.

Get us out, get us out! No. No. Okay, that's a green mohawk. This is like a goth. Yeah, I'm gonna be no no, okay This is a big silly ones are coming up here. What are we it's like when you go to Damon Buster's This is the same hair from before yeah with a beard It's my Mediterranean you look like the zipper look up who ya Pou ya I'm realizing

a lot of people just use the face app to add hair, cause you can do that. Dude, he looks like- Remember this, he looks like the rapper Pouya. Yeah, I think I look like Dave's from Dave's Killer Bread. But, you know, we're different. You too! That was the-

You should bake. You could be- and go to prison he would be in the world be so mad if i started a bakery you can you can you can you can work at my we're gonna work together what if i own you're gonna let me come what if i'm your boss you let me go there i'm just making bread shut the fuck up you gotta let me you're not going i can have a job here's the thing no matter who owns the bakery you are not a part of it. So get that through your doorstep. My mom has a sleeping zipper. There could be a customer. You can buy it and we'll deliver it.

But I'd come in and get it. No. Do you think this is... Eh. I don't know. It was the worst picture to choose, but it's fine. Wow.

Zipper's making zipper noises right now. Zipper didn't try. All right, next one. Jimmy Neutron. Guys, what do we think? I mean, really think about it. If you kept it for the entire month, I wouldn't mind. It would look like a fucking Dr. Seuss movie.

Yeah. That's the thing about Jimmy Neutron. He was a cartoon. So it was easy to do things like this. Yeah. In real life, it'd be harder to keep it that tall. Next one. I hate that fucking guy.

Wow. Blonde jerry curls? Actually, that's just like a blonde curly mullet. A mullet is interesting. You're like an Australian football player. Yeah. I eat my scram and I... Or maybe this is like Larry Bird.

Or like a racist guy in a Corvette. Of the ones that are best for you, I think a mullet would actually accentuate your life a lot. You could do this and then film the basketball game. I am kind of like the mullet of guys, right? You have a mullet. You give off mullet energy. I have a mullet personality.

So I think it would give you some confidence and maybe you'd like it. That's why Australians like you so much? Yeah, because I have the spirit of the mullet. Yeah. You could do this, and then we could call you Jackson with an X. Yeah, I got a rugby jersey that says that. This one is really funny to me. All right.

Let's go to the next one. Let's keep going. Not blonde, though. If we did that one, it's not blonde. Justin Bieber? That looks terrible. He's cute. Shut up.

You can do it with my hair if you want. You just don't style it. This is pretty funny. I'm looking at it. You're just rocking for a day. Because my hair can do that if I just don't put any product in it. Can you put it down? Kind of.

Can you fuck it up for the podcast for once? Can you look like dumb? Yeah, I look like shit still. Yeah, because he's fucking handsome. That's so annoying. All the time. You always be handsome. I just got a cut, so it's a little shorter on the sides.

Everyone got a haircut. I cut my hair every week. You still look good. Yeah. This is like... I hate it. You look like MGK. I think I'm done.

Machine Gun Kelly? James Keenan. Maynard, Machine Gun, James Keenan. What are you saying? I think I'm over the... The pod? No, mostly just you. What does that mean? I think I'm over this the pod. No, mostly just you You say you don't find him attractive anymore. No, I think it's just like I'm sick of him being hot. I know I'm fucking

The acne era you don't Look like dog shit one. It's not high you guys wear these weird tank tops. Are you insecure? Is that it? Of course. I sit next to you every week. I'm a skinny little twig and you work out five days a week and you look hot. You look nice. You have a Balenciaga. That's fun. Yeah, the things that you bought, your material items are nice. You guys are understanding why I am so

angry at him. He doesn't care that I'm electric. He fucking talks to us like we're at a fucking baseball game. Hey kid, good contact. Oh, good contact, good contact! Oh, so you don't want to hear good contact. I don't give a fuck unless I'm hitting a homer. I just want to nail Kosovo first try, you know?

You could have done it. Or look hot. Alright, no Bieber, we don't like it. Alright, next one. Uh, this is Ludwig. This is Macklemore. You can do it with Ludwig's hair. Yeah, this is a higher forehead. That's a good question though.

Does the toupee guy, who is a girl, does that make my forehead different? Can I choose where my hair ends and the life begins? Presumably it's based off of what you have to offer. So it couldn't go higher than your current hairline. It would have to go below it.

And I don't know how low... You can it back here i could like it come down here uh maybe i get squared up yeah you guys have similar color hair when your hair is natural i think that yours would work super well i think because it goes to blonde to the top we can cut the bullshit cut the bullshit yeah stop scrolling through like through like we're still window shopping. We do a lot of weeks here. Let's go quick. Let's hit buy now. Let's go next, next.

No. Next. No. Oh, my God. This is kind of money. Okay, so this is my new mark. This is terrible. Can we describe this for audio listeners?

Is this crazy? It looks like receding hairline, but curls. It's a very very curly long hair Fried yeah Shorter though. It's a little Einstein esque. Maybe yeah, you look you'd look like shit And that's why I think it looks like this is too bad I'm sure I just imagined myself like arguing with one of you guys looking like this and I'm like, don't.

I can't do it. Don't do this to me. I want more mercy than that. Yeah, man. You were electric. Dude, oh my god. I can't be... I've gotten public and shit. Eugene. This is so cringe. Alright, next one. That's more...

That's SlimeStats when I look older for some reason. Yeah. I think This is so cringe. Alright, next one. That's more that's slime stats, but I look older for some reason. Yeah. I think they should edit it. Slime stats. Why do I look terrible? You know what you remind me of? You remind me of Jesse. Jesse with the long hair. Get a warm machine for 20? Yeah. Yeah. Brad Pitt? I don't think so,

Zipper. Alright, next one. I think you look nice. Shut up, Ludwig. That looks close to my actual hair when I grow it out. You have spiking drinks Yeah, this is a guy with blue hair and receding short blue hair This is funny because this is I think the closest thing to my actual hair. This is you look like you're 5'4 You look like an OnlyFans boyfriend You look like an OnlyFans boyfriend.

Wow. Next one. More long hair. Same concept. Next one. Oh, my God. The bun? That's like Wake.

Wake, who lives in Texas. Texas streamer. Ripped Wake. He does like the top bun. With his hot top bun. Me and him can... It's like a messy top bun, though. It's like a hot girl messy top bun. Yeah, he's a little... It's like a messy top bun, though. It's like a hot girl messy top bun. Yeah, he's a little...

He's a little messy. Um... Blonde, long hair. No, no, no. It's like Heidi. Montag. No. What is that?

This is like... It's like girl. Fringe bangs. It's like a Snooki. Yeah, this is just... Every person in New Jersey has this haircut. That's just messy hair.

A little messy. This guy has great hairline. Yeah. I've never seen what he looks like, so. He's rich and famous and tight. Yeah. Next one. Aiden?

This is me. That is literally Aiden. Wait, it is? Why do I look like Bart Simpson? Because they just made your forehead square. Wow, the Aiden haircut. Do you, Aiden, would you date me if I looked like this? Yeah, would you?

No. No, I wouldn't. It's not really about the hair. It's not? You look like you eat bugs, man. What could it be? What could it be? I do look like I've made ice climbers, like, naturally.

I think I literally know someone who plays ice climbers and looks like this. I just don't want to be on the floor. Hmm. I guess we'll never get married then, ever. No, we won't. We won't. Aw, never count them out. Darn, right?

I'll be in the pyramid, though. Like, chat? Oh, you think you'd be in the pyramid? I'll make my way into it. You sneak into the pyramid? Yep. That's impressive. Of grooms? He's just standing to'd be in the pyramid. I'll make my way into it. You sneak into the pyramid? Yeah. That's impressive. Of grooms?

He's just standing to the side on the base. He's like, yeah, it's a long base. Zip through these. Ludwig's had enough. I've had enough. I don't, I don't. There's like actually 50 options. I think we've clearly decided.

I think we want the Ludwig haircut. Yeah. Ludwig. That's critical? I think we want the Ludwig haircut. Yeah. Ludwig. That's critical. I think the best option is that you start off with hair long enough that you could do my hairstyle, which is like kind of news anchor comb over. And then you could from there do like a Bieber cut. From Soft.

Where? Yeah, it's a video game company. And then you could also towards the end of the cycle get fun and you could like either shave up for like a macklemore or you could like go for a mohawk or you could just keep the toupee person have to do the hair cutting because it's like special like no no there's many people who are able to cut but i can go to like a regular human being a lot of barbers would be like hey, oh gee I'm gonna keep it 100 with you. This is fake shit. I would speak to them more normally for sure

I would know Hey, this is a toupee just so you know And this is what I'm looking to get and they'd be like, I'd be like does that scare you you don't you walk in the barbershop? And you go Pump-fake them and they're barbershop and you go, you pump fake them. And they're going to jump back and you go, what's up, OG? Sorry for pump faking you. I tried to check your gangster. This is a toupee.

There's a 45-year-old woman at the supermarket. You telling him to speak to average people normally is crazy. Because you're the one who went into an italian shoe workshop and told them that it was peepo pog it was it was people it was insane he didn't understand most of the words i was saying so that's the point i figured people do you think that's even more nefarious it's like you're mocking someone that doesn't speak your language? Because it's a global Twitch emote. I'm looking at his pubas. What about, you went to a black barber shop?

Yeah, I did. I was thinking about this. Do you think it's like an event? This is a real question because I kind of, I went in and I was like, is this, is it chill for me to go here? Why wouldn't it be? I feel like i'm invading a space that isn't mine i feel like maybe i'm taking away from look bro money talks i feel look i i i moved

to that neighborhood and i went to the barber shop and i'm like is this what gentrification is and he walked in and he said, What's up, players? What's up, players? He said, and I quote, What up, OG? Well, that's just what you say at Supercuts. Listen. The name's Din.

That's short for Aiden. Jesus Christ. That's what I said. It is totally fine, but there is a cultural aspect to barbershops, especially black barbershops, and I think as someone who's been to a black barbershop a couple times, you are totally right

in that you feel out of place just because you don't know the culture at all. Like, you fumbled the bag here. Tremendously. On the hair? No. Come on. Not that. He does not look that bad. I was not talking about the hair. No yes Not talking with a hair I'm sorry about because right after you left the barber shop you were in our group chat Saging about how you messed up. I just it was the most embarrassing moment of my fucking life do how to go here

I'll be that I'll be the dapper It was actually horrifying. I'm coming in. Because I didn't want to... He's stuttering. He's having a cringe flashback. Did he start with an open hand or closed hand? He started with an open hand.

Okay, so I'm coming in with an open hand. Open hand. The handshook earlier... Aiden and Nick are trying to recreate the handshook that Aiden did at the black barber shop. Aiden goes for like a to recreate the handshake that Aiden did at the black barber shop They're reenacting right now Nick's doing like the classic 45 degree You said you're sorry it was here? You said I'm sorry? Yeah, cuz I fucked it up so bad

No, dude No, cuz I grabbed his hand weird Sorry, can we go back and re-answer your question about if you invade his space or not? that I'm sorry? Yeah, because I fucked it up so bad. No, because I grabbed his hand weird. Sorry, can we go back and re-answer your question? I can't relive this. I can't relive this. I've done this exact thing, except my excuse was that I was 19

and I went back to New Hampshire for a haircut and somebody recommended a haircut in downtown Nashua and they gave me the street it was on. I was like, great. So I walk in and it's an all- barbershop. And I was like, huh? Cause I just wouldn't have expected it from the person who recommended. And, uh, and I get the haircut and it's great. Two weird things happened. One, they lined me up, which I've never been lined up before. It was weird because when you were, it's weird for you to look fucking good. When you get

lined up, you need to consistently get lined up because like my hairline is not perfectly straight so like they cut into my widow's peak a little bit and so then when it grows out it looks weird because it's a different length we know okay all right so that was weird because i've never been lined up before and then the second weird thing is at the end of the haircut he said he called me the N-word casually and then went to dap up. And then I fumbled it just like you did because I was shell shocked at that interaction. They also offered me a free beer and I was 19. So I took the beer and I'm one beer deep trying to dap this guy up.

You're fumbling daps and narking. This is crazy. Yeah. I didn't tell you where it was. Oh, I actually did. You did. Anyway, I fumbled it like you ate it was. Oh, I actually did Anyway, I'm probably like you waiting tremendously The Chico never fumbled up ever good sure you just you just have to you have to start it from out here

So you got time to start about you time if you started from out here, they will know you're coming with high energy It's not a handshake. You're coming with this high Be one of these and then you'll feel out if you're gonna pull it or not You know I think the issue some people still go a little too hard on the pole in or perhaps don't go hard enough And then there's no you pull you pull the new hog. It's easy either way Never reach straight forward that is bad Why that's the mr. President because if they go out and you go forward then you're gonna go out Just afford this has never happened to me what I what I what I what I did is I don't have these problems you guys

I left the barbershop. I asked my friend about it because I was just surprised about it And then he was like oh it was across the street, and there's like if Just across the street another barbershop That was like all white guys with like those mustaches that they have at barbershops. It's also a coffee shop. Also gave out free beers. Also axe throwing. And axe throwing in an espresso machine.

So anyway, I've been there, Aiden. Yeah. You got to work on your daps. He's still reeling and that's what I love. It's because I do this, but I do it at do it at 3am alone when I think about embarrassing things that happen to me and I just sit there and I just shiver

you just sit there and roll around and feel horrible but he's doing it right now live in front of us and it's beautiful get back on the horse

go back in for a haircut tomorrow I'll go back I've been there twice now go back tomorrow he wants you to go back I'm not going to go back tomorrow because he wants you

to get it cut because he doesn't like the way it looks he walks in and he's like hey what's up? I'm just walking by like a gibbon. You want a handshake? You're walking by just saw you through the window. What's up? It's good to see you again. Please Go back. He'd be like I thought a lot about like the handshake

Like I like messed it up and i feel bad about that i actually wanted to invite you to uh like this my friend has this coffee shop and they do like um like they close it and sometimes they invite me to a party so i did do this while i was at edc with a different situation and i was while i was what did you do fucking high i like i felt bad about like hugging somebody awkwardly, and I apologized for it. Oh, my God. This is too much. Yes! Feel shame for once.

I feel shame all the time! No, you don't. I feel shame all the time! No, you don't. You always deny it. You think I don't feel shame? I feel shame constantly! I feel shame constantly!

I can't even pick up the phone! Fucking first time! I fucking hate you! I fucking hate you! I hate you, man! I just know Kosovo, man. Aiden sent me a text, I think when he was high. Of course.

Because I'm just, I'm playing Zelda. Of course. I'm in the slogs. Not me again. In the slums. And then I just get a text from Aiden that's like, hope you beat Zelda, man. Did you beat it? Yeah.

Yeah, you did. You did? Yeah. Because periodically throughout the weekend, it was like, I'd be on my trip somewhere and then I'd be, you know, and every so often I'd have the chance to check back on Ludwig. And, you know, in my mind, so much has transpired

in this weekend of partying, I guess. And then Ludwig was like my checkpoint. I'm your rock. He's still playing Zelda. Always live. Always playing Zelda.

Zelda. Zelda. I've told you guys this before, and it's embarrassing, but I have a shockingly low credit score. It is shockingly low and embarrassing. It's scary low. You're embarrassing. It's not scary.

It starts to make sense when you think about how fiscally irresponsible you are. When you think about the man that you are. Do you subscribe to stuff and then just leave it subscribed and then not remember? I have four Hulu subscriptions. Why do you ask? Four? Did you realize that if you had Rocket Money it would just tell you that and then you could unsubscribe?

And then the state that you are registered in can just go away. Tell me more. Don't you understand that? Oh, tell you more. Listen. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions,

monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills. All in one place, Ludwig. You look weird. Why do you look weird right now? Don't look weird when I tell you that. How does it do it all in one place? I don't know. They have like engineers who have built an app.

Is anyone using this? We don't know how things work as podcasters. Our job is simply... Dude, over 80% of people have subscriptions they forgot about you are normal you are in like a big group of people you're a big stupid don't quit around 80 a month but you stay with us we're the silent majority the actual total of what people spend on subscriptions every month is like 200 understand your finances check your credit score especially yours you should keep an eye on that because it's low track your budget shit like that you stuff like that like that like that you won't

track yours though i know you and you won't use this or take advantage of it even though your life you know what actually you're dumb because i think i'm gonna stop throwing away money and cancel my unwanted subscriptions and manage my expenses and check my credit score by going to rocket money.com slash the yard rocket money.com by going to rocketmoney.com slash the yard. Rocketmoney.com slash the yard? Yeah, rocketmoney.com slash the yard. Wow. You don't have to call them names, but why don't you go to that website and maybe download whatever's there. It's good that you called them a name.

This anger is good. Just download whatever's there. I keep track of my subscriptions and my credit score. His credit score is right there. No one cares about your subscription to Twink Weekly. All right, we're going back to the episode, everyone. I'm keeping that one. I wouldn't get right there. No one cares about your subscription to Twink Weekly. Alright, we're going back to the episode. I'm keeping that one.

I wouldn't get rid of that one. I don't want to borrow that. Back to the episode. I can give you that one. I beat it. I was thinking the other day the Aiden friendship theory. Remember last episode

we were like talking about the coffee shop thing. We were talking about why he makes us so mad. Well, I wasn't on your side. No. But me and Nick tended to agree

slightly. I'm agree slightly i'm probably more i would i'm probably more volatile you guys are haters born hater yeah and so and i was like i was like let me figure this out why does it why does it freak me out the way he is what freaks me out about it and i think i figured it out is because i think I am very picky and friendship is a field in which I'm really, really picky. And being picky means I'm really particular. Right. And you are not picky. Right. That pickiness to me translates into a very special set of circumstances that lead someone to be my friend. But when you aren't that, I see as like well that just means nothing special to him because if jesus from the coffee shop can just get invites to the pyramid what does that mean

about me in my pyramid i wouldn't put a great guy not gonna be in my pyramid i but you give him a week pyramid i mean pyramid bench i mean if he's coming and he's making coffee, he gets a pyramid spot. I don't know how to make coffee as good as Jesus. Can I give you an analogy? You definitely do. I dust him. Is it like if you were to date someone and then you found out they've slept with like a hundred people, you would feel less special or something? No, I don't care about that.

But you do care that he just has a lot of friends? It's more of his willingness. And again, this is a wrong thought. this is me confronting my own good i'm glad we established yeah i want to make i believe it it's right but that is what makes me uncomfortable is like oh jesus is the is equal to slime in your friendship rank well it's not equal but what i like about Aiden's ability is that I can bring him around whomever. Whomstever. Any group. Why would you

be equal? I could bring him I could bring him anywhere. You can bring him anywhere. I could bring him anywhere. You can bring him to a graveyard. I could bring him to a graveyard in Sweden. Do you think you could bring Aiden to a funeral? To Dr. Battle's funeral? I'll be honest, if this fucker went to Waco, he'd come out with

a few friends and he'd be like, yeah're racist yeah they're actually really chill they weren't racist in waco they were child molesters yeah they're child molesters they're actually like they're actually like really good at making coffee aiden and david koresh becoming buds uh but i like that because i can bring him anywhere and he'll and he'll be chum and he'll get along with everybody and be great. Got along with new people this weekend. It went great. Sometimes I'm scared of you. Remember I've told you this. Yeah but then

you found out that I was sweet. You are charming and sweet but sometimes I'm scared to bring you around. Because you can be a little scary pit bull. And I have to be like oh yeah my dog doesn't bite and then you're in the back going. I promise he doesn't bite and then you're in the back going i promise he doesn't bite yeah and i just got a baby's arm in my mouth and then aiden's like a sweet little golden and i was like i will say aiden is if if i like start dating someone he's probably the first friend like you want the person you're dating to meet like this is this is what

all my friends are like look here's this guy check him out and it's like model citizen yeah model citizen but i think all i just wanted to examine that because i think that's where that comes from again it's a wrong idea but i think nick and i bond over this because we are particular about friendship. I think we judge a lot. Pitbull, greyhound, road dog. Golden retriever, Italian greyhound. Wiener dog. Long.

Long wiener dog. Long wiener. Three legs. What, five legs? Well, the dogs have four legs. What dog am I? What dog are you? You're the golden retriever.

I thought he was golden. You can't call him that because you're already that. What is he then? Yeah, you're a golden retriever. Something else. No, he's like a dog that can't pay attention. Yeah, he's like a lab who is all fucked, like ate cigarettes. I feel like he's a golden and I'm maybe like a Newfoundland.

You're not a Newfoundland. You're the golden. You just wanted Newfoundland. You're the golden. You just wanted to say that. You're the golden. He's allowed. Can I be a Shiba Inu? No, because they're dicks. You're not that mean.

You're mean in different ways. Okay, now he's a Shiba Inu. Yeah, all right. You're a Shiba Inu. You got it. You're a Shiba Inu. We got to blur that out so we don't get demonetized. Well, there'll be a couple bleeps in this one.

The whole Kosovo thing. You guys are not happy with those what's that what's that big dog that great not not great dane the other one the husky can be a hard wait that's what you were you're not a husky stop trying to be a different dog you are a golden also i like being a pitbull because they're bald i'm leading I'm leading our pack to survive. No, you're not. Okay. Is that why Pitbull the rapper's bald? No, I think it's just because they're like tight-ass dogs. He just likes the dog?

Yeah, it's like... You're not going to name yourself like Golden Doodle. Well, hold on. You think he could be as big if he was Golden Doodle? I think he couldn't. I'm on your side. It's kind of like if you guys are wrong. Mr. 305.

Mr. 305, Mr. Worldwide, Golden Doodle. Yeah. That's still hit. It's a little too Lil Dick-ish, you know? It's a little too self-definitive. Something like white phosphorus. Yeah. What happened to customs? Oh, customs. Yeah yeah i put it in the little topic channel the guy at customs getting back into the country this morning in canada he

so i show my passport and i say to the the they're like why are you in the country i was like oh it's a convention and then that like turns on the sensors to these people and these are people like screening for americans to get back in the country. And she was like, what convention? What kind of convention? I was like, gaming. Like, OK, you're good to go. I start walking.

And then this really strong big guy says, hey, I talked to you for a second. I'm like, yeah, sure. And he starts asking me all these questions. So what were you in town for? Gaming. Oh, gaming. Dude, I love gaming. Can I look in your bag? And I'm bag and i'm like yeah sure he's like yeah table but just put it on the table over here starts opening my bag and he's like so you game for like a long time right like

like hours right i'm like i don't know i take a couple of hours then take a break he's like not me man i play red dead redemption he's just taking shit out of my bag i love red dead redemption bro i'll play that for like eight hours straight you you got any like gummies in here or anything and I'm like what the fuck is going on and I think it's two things that happen I I looked like shit because I got like four hours of sleep and we're got a tuxedo shirt I'm shambling through customs and then I said I went to a convention which is probably like the biggest excuse for like any dude to that's like doing something wrong and and yeah he just shook me down while being extremely friendly basically dumped out my bag and then he said you're good and i turned it off right after i

was like whoa nelly i told you about my cousin right did i talk about on the pod i know i can't remember if you've told a lot of cousin stories lately no this is the this is the sad one the one where he same cousin it wasn't sad what happened to you yeah well it's sad what happened to your cousin yeah he because he was trying to come in the states and it was it was to hang out for one but then for two we had like an opportunity for him to work on like the germa christmas special because we needed someone with an accent and he has he has a thick french accent. Not, don't do it. Why are you going to hold him down like that? Anyway, he's coming to the country to...

Gemma, I love you so much. That is boring. That was Kyle. That was Kyle. Gemma, I love you so much. It's actually Christopher Walken you're doing. Yeah, it's a bit of all of that. I love you. French for Christopher Walken you're doing. Yeah, it's a bit of all that. I love you.

French for Christopher Walken. Yeah. Anyway, he's supposed to come in for that. His name is John Pierre. And he gets stopped by customs on the way in. And, like, he was getting paid, like, a nominal amount for it. But, like, they stop him and they start asking him questions. Like, what are you here for? And he's like, oh, visiting me. And then they see me that I'm, like, they start asking him questions like what are you here for and he's like oh visiting me and then they see me that

i'm like a youtuber he's like are you doing any work for this guy and he's like oh no and they just uh hold him in like a detaining center for like 20 hours yeah just straight they will break you down just occasionally questioning him and uh and then they like just start going through his shit i think they go through his phone at some point they take your phone they go through your phone they say give us the password then and then you're if you say no they're like oh i guess you're going back home yeah and so they take his phone they look through his messages they see that he had like messages to work on the german christmas special and then uh it's basically working on a travel visa even though it's just like a

like a it is not allowed but it's like a small stream thing and then they just kicked him out and he can't come back on a travel visa

for like three years or something holy fuck he can't come back to the country yeah it's we gotta bring the German

Christmas special to him it won't happen but yeah that won't happen French I'll use me for German now it happened the German Christmas special had to bring it to't happen, but... That won't happen. French Christmas special. Oh, you're speaking for German now. It happened. The German Christmas special

happened to bring it to him. No, but we'll do it again in France. Okay. Oh, I'm sorry. Was that the last Christmas ever to happen? We need authentic French representation. Maybe the last German Christmas special, maybe, yeah. So you're saying because

German doesn't want to do it because he hates your cousin. Oh, it wouldn't be special if it's in France. Yeah, definitely that one, for sure. That is true. Lock that in. That's true. special if it's in France. Yeah, definitely that one, for sure. That is true. Lock that in. That's true.

Love that. Hates France. I like the idea of Jerma getting a pack of cigarettes for Christmas in France and nothing else. You like that idea? That's just the whole idea? Yeah. That's all it is? It's Jerma's French Christmas.

It's a 15-minute stream. He just smokes some cigarettes. I have a great stream idea for you. Ends it. What? Dark Souls 3, every death is a 15 minute stream. He just smokes some cigarettes. I have a great stream idea for you. Ends it. What? Dark Souls 3. Every death is a cigarette. Dude, that's like the King of the Hill episode where he makes Bobby smoke the whole pack.

To hate it? Yeah. Yeah. Dude, that would suck. Smoking a pack of cigarettes? You should do that. No. Why won't you do it?

Because I think you're just a better entertainer oh my god that felt gross that felt gross and I mean that and I feel like you should smoke the cigarettes you don't do it

because you think other people would be impressionable and you don't want that on your fucking conscience that's it I don't want that

on my conscience I just want to see you smoke cigarettes but I wouldn't die on Dark Souls hacks at a time from software you wouldn't die

he he Dark Souls 3 Iacks at a time. From software. You wouldn't die. Dark Souls 3? I've beat it. No deaths? No, but it's not hard. When you're a Miyazaki as pilled as I am. You're Miyazaki pilled? You're Miyazaki as pilled as I am.

Yeah, then you don't die. Can you play Tears of Kingdom on stream? Where are the streams at? He streams all the time. He doesn't stream much this week at all. Oh, sure. I've been gone for three days. Oh, days off.

That's fun. It's when you're back. That's not how content creating works, buddy. Get back. Get back on the horse. Back on the horse. Take a few days off. You know what happens?

I'm trying to get off that. Forget about you. Why are you trying to get off? I don't want to be that. Well, I just don't want to be a Valorant guy. Yeah, you don't want to be a one trick. That's why I watch. Never get known for one thing. You're going to lose me.

Switch, Tears of Kingdom. No. I think that's a dumb idea. Why? Because I don't, here's the thing, I don't watch that shit. Then don't play it. Right. What's the other idea I had for you?

Smoke cigarettes every time you die. No, I had a good one like a couple days ago, a couple weeks ago or something. Oh, you said no ban June. Oh, yeah. That's actually changed my outlook. You know how much I've been thinking about that? I was like, okay, what if I was like more tolerant of things that annoyed me? And it's made me way happier just thinking about it.

Yeah? Yeah. That's cool. intolerant of things that annoyed me and it's made me way happier just thinking about it yeah yeah what if uh what if i could hang out with people without without fear of judgment what do you fear judgment it can't hurt you i'm just talking about you fucking talking about right now we're tired we're when you do this shit to us when you attack us to us it's disgusting to us to us you have disgusted the three of us. Sorry. Sorry. I'm disgusted. You were talking about enjoying being more tolerant. His butt's gonna puke. My butt's gonna puke. Is it diarrhea? Nope. No, it's different.

It's vomit. They're trying to figure out where it comes from. If it was diarrhea, he would say that. But it's caused by you. Right? So you need to think about that later on when you're asleep. Okay? When you're asleep. When you're asleep, I want you to think about my butt puking. And think about what that maybe...

And think about how you did that to him. Maybe means... And he's your friend. And how you've caused that. But you would never do that to Jesus. I've got a fear of it too. So it's like you're terrorizing me. Have you ever made Jesus puke out of his butt?

No. Probably. They probably like it. They have like fun. I'm having a butt puke party at 12. You want to come? Yeah, of course. You want to come?

I met this guy in a grocery store. He's also coming. I had a really good time this weekend. My man. Yeah. They need drugs to stay happy. Have fun. Not like us.

Yeah, and his drug is sun. I love the sun. You sun your balls yet? I haven't sun my balls we should do it together sun our balls I feel like that's how you get like cancer

that could be a postcard maybe I think just a picture of us ass up sun it I don't think like the skin on your balls

is more like susceptible to cancer from the sun than like the skin on the rest of your body he's saying if you're out in the sun you might as well

sun your balls I don't think it's like like your weak spot if you're out in the sun, you might as well sun your balls. I don't think it's like your weak spot. Like I don't think the sun hits it. It's just like, you know, there's gotta be some kind of risk there. I don't know science. There's no way there is. But like this part of your body

is also like not very exposed to sun too, right? Yeah, maybe that part. But you wouldn't be at risk of like losing fertility from sunning that spot. Unless we think like the dermal. Oh, maybe that is a concern. I was thinking specifically for like skin cancer. You said dermal.

Your skin's come out to hand. You know what you should do is you put it. Oh, you ever hear that Blastoise story? No. He's on stream. He calls his mom up and he's like, mom, what did I do when I was a kid? And she was like, yeah, when you were young, you wanted to be a really good basketball player. And so one day you went out onto our street and you took all your clothes off and you

lied down and I came out. I said, what are you doing? And then you said, I want to become black so I can become better at basketball. Oh my God. He's like seven or something at the time. That's too old. 17 at the time. We saw a guy at EDC this weekend and from the profile looked exactly like Blau Stois.

And at this event, it's a very, this is a large like queer community at this event, which makes sense from the way like house music and EDM like came up in general. And this dude is, I would say clearly gay and he looks exactly like Blau Stois. And everybody, everybody in the group is on Molly at the same and I noticed that this guy looks like Blaustoys and I'm like that's gay

Blaustoys and then one by one I like to have somebody on the shoulder look it's Blaustoys and we and everybody has the same exact reaction one at a time every time and we kept seeing this guy throughout the festival which is kind of crazy because there's like hundreds of thousands of people there and every time we saw him for the rest of the weekend it was it was like oh my god it's gay blouse toys yeah he was your he was your you were moby you were captain ahab in that moment and he was our white whale but he kept showing up easily catchable yeah it was more like the albatross and he was the old man. Who wrote that?

Yeah, Hemingway. No. Hemingway wrote it. It wasn't. Ernest Hemingway. I'll give you one more guess. Dolkvik. Dolkvik.

No, it was Old Man of the Sea by Ernest Hemingway. Mark Twain. He just said the same thing again. I really feel like it was Ernest. You know what's funny? I don't know who wrote it. I think it was Ernest Hemingway Mark Twain he just said the same thing again. I really feel like it was Ernest. You know it's funny I don't know who wrote it. I think it was Ernest Hemingway I think if you say it a fifth time it'll be correct I think I tripled down That'd be so funny if you picked it. Show me show me

Wasn't it Wordsworth? And the answer is Old Man and the Sea. I think it was Wordsworth Zipper? Zipper looking at you here. He was playing Minecraft again. They were keeps trying to beat them Halfway through I think he's right I had to hold on I was unshakable Do you see me? Yeah, I was electric. That's usually the case wait We we as a group will just constantly pretend we're right even when we know we're wrong It is our biggest flaw. But that is like the one thing that you're good at normally. Yeah, I should have known that.

I fucked that up good. She's currently winning the real writer competition between you two. I am, right? Yeah. I didn't win them all. See, I'm different now. That's true. You changed me. I love that about you. You accept loss. You love that about me? I do. I think it makes you stronger. That's tight. Now I feel like it it makes you stronger. That's tight.

Now I feel like it's facetious. That's how you treat me. Yeah, you do talk to him like that constantly. What? Good contact ass motherfucker. Good contact? Good contact fucking head ass. Good contact skull emoji in a TikTok comment.

Little League TikTok getting roasted. What do you want? I love you. I think that's true. You know what? I'll give you a compliment. You have made me a better person, and I discovered it this week.

I do not care. All right, and that's the end of the yard this week. Wait, no. I do want to hear this. I want to hear this. I want to hear it. I want to hear it. Talk about it on the primo. I'll tell you about it on the primo.

Talk about it on the primo. I'll tell you on the primo how you made me a better person. If you can believe it. Hey, everyone. If you want to watch more of The Yarn, we have a premium episode. You go to patreon.com slash the yard and you spend money. And you get a podcast. And we will suck you to completion.

You get a podcast in return and we will suck you to completion. You get a podcast in return, and we will suck you in, depending on your... Hey, join the Patreon to become my new floor wife. You will become a floor wife. The floor wife competition begins now. Soon to be heated. No sucker fan, no fucks. Soon to be heated floor wife. Thank you for listening, as usual.

And, uh, bye. Bye. NPR voice.