The Yard - Ep. 98 - The Dumbest Internet Beef of All Time

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

This week, the boys talk about the current drama in Faze, 2 truths and 1 lie about the new fast & furious film, and how Ludwig raised $100,000+ for charity...

Dude, do you like my fuzzy socks? Why? They're actually knee-high socks that I cut down. Because I couldn't find any socks. Why did you cut them down? Because I didn't want knee-high socks. You don't say it right. I have 12 pairs of knee-high socks.

Just wear normal socks. I didn't want knee-highs. Why do you have 12 pairs of knee-high socks? You just want to desperately repurpose the knee-highs that you have. I don't play sport. I'm being crafty and I'm a fucking idiot for it. Sorry. You don't get to be rewarded for this.

You don't get praise. You get knee highs. You bought something you don't need and then you had to modify it and now you want a cookie. To hold your shin guards in place. So yeah, wear your shin guards. But you never do

because you don't care about your shin. When I was young, I would call them... Did that hurt? When I was young, I would call them schring guards. Schring guards? Yeah, because that's what my mom called them.

I thought that's what they were called. I also called it schring gum. Wait, what do you call because that's what my mom called them. I thought that's what they were called. I also called it schringum. Wait, what did she call it? Because that's how she would say chewing gum. She would say schringum. Oh, schring. Yeah, schringum. And so I thought it was called schringum forever. Wow. And nobody corrected me because if you say it fast enough

they think you're just saying chewing gum. Shin Lim's real name, Charles Lim. She just misheard the whole shit. Your mom, when we spoke to her, she was very well-spoken. Yeah, she is well-spoken, but you know. But what you're describing is someone who is not. Like from a circus, maybe. Yeah, it's almost like she's gotten better through the years.

I couldn't even tell she was French, honestly. I couldn't tell her terrible affliction i don't want to get too far away from this you're immoral and unethical why am i unethical because off pod i asked you if you would disclose now yeah i'm bringing it up i didn't leak i haven't said it here we go i haven't said it but I asked you would you disclose to the viewers if you got plastic surgery and you said no

because it would generate more clicks yeah and then and then people like did slime get like a fucking did slime get

big old naturals BBL here he has here's why he might have a point because do you remember

Jeff you know Jeff Wittek yeah when he was on David Dobrik's videos yeah and they had a running bit about I have a point because do you remember Jeff, you know, Jeff Wittek. Yeah. When he was on David Dobrik's videos. Yeah. And they had a running bit about he had gotten Botox and it was like, well,

did he actually, right. Because they never actually answer the question. Clearly the fans made it a long-term joke. It's like, does he actually, yeah, they also had a running bit where dirty dom sexually assaulted women. So it's like,

do we really want to pull from dirt? Yeah. It was actually says his favorite bit. Yeah. He assaulted women, so it's like do we really want to pull from dirt? Yeah, I remember Aiden actually said it was his favorite bit It was his favorite one Don't you have the dirty Dom t-shirt? You have like the matching like sweaty pants I have the matching sweat pants It's a tracksuit And you wore it to Thanksgiving with my family, they didn't understand And they didn't know who Dirty Dom was

Yeah, you kept showing videos Yeah, everyone had to huddle over Aiden's phone You had the video on your phone, but you still had AirPods in so they couldn't hear it. But you didn't notice that. That'd be crazy. Sorry guys. The craziest part of this is that he has AirPods on during Thanksgiving dinner. That's not that crazy.

That's not for Aiden? Yeah, I guess that wouldn't be crazy. That's just how it works. Dude, uh, you, can you, when you go visit the moist movas, the moguls. Yeah. When the boy, when you go see the boys can you wear a big cowboy hat like you're an oil baron oh yeah that's kind of cool yeah i don't i don't you're like sam get your get your country ass over here he's young yeah i think it's like i don't want to

talk to him i'm 10 years older than him hey get your country ass over here little boy now it's weird all right now it's weird No, no, no, no, no. I'm saying, hey, you know. We got it. So I wish you adolescent childhood. Is this the moral or the immoral reason to do it? The plastic surgery thing makes sense because I would eventually disclose it, but we would just talk about it like it's normal.

Like you should do when you modify your body for people. I, first of all, don't think I'll bring a cowboy hat. Why? Because I don't have a cowboy hat. I have one. I give you it. Oh, I'm sure you would have trouble finding and buying one in Dallas. You might.

You might. Yeah. Do you imagine Slime with a BBL? I don't think he needs a BBL. Yeah, I already got that shit on me. That would be really. I already got that big iron. Imagine he was sitting like four inches higher.

I think they end up looking weird, right? I think it has to because they use like synthetic... They use the same stuff they make Ikea shelves out of. Yeah, Brazilians. Yeah. It's just grounded up Brazilians and capybara meat. They have capybaras? Huh?

They got capybaras in Brazil? Yeah. Okay. They're all over South America. A BBL is when you get the big, like, plastic piece in your ass, right? Brazilian butt lift. Oh, that's what it is. I never knew what it stood for.

There you go. Big butt lunch. Anyway, what I'm saying is I would disclose it eventually, and then everyone would, then they would feel connected to us and then they would never forget us ever. And we would be remembered. So weird. So weird how your brain works. And the statue would be erected. If you had to forcibly get plastic

surgery, what would you get? I'd get my ears pinned back. Pinned back? Oh, so they don't stick out as much? Don't my head look more... Is that plastic surgery? Yeah. Pinned back? I don't know. They how does that i don't know they just fucking i don't know they put a staple in there they just like fucking they go

too wide uh i used to okay now i don't care but i do like the idea of my head becoming more and more like spherical the aerodynamic yeah you run faster like especially when i started shaving my head i'm like i think my ears stick out and i just you know i dealt with it but i was like started shaving my head i'm like i think my ears stick out and i just you know i dealt with it but i was like but it i i remember looking up that procedure like years before that dude i get one of those like uh jaw exerciser jaw lines like the dudes who like chew on the thing all day and then they look like handsome squidward oh yeah that'd be so hard it's like what they do to rottweilers when they train them to fight they just have them eat a tire all day yeah also didn't elon Elon Musk get that?

I don't know if this is confirmed or not. Like, jaw surgery. I'm down to, like, just lie. Yeah, okay. Just say he did. So, Elon Musk has a short, tiny dick and also has the handsome squidward jaw surgery, which is why he looks weird.

And, uh... And a hair transplant. Oh, God, speaking of tiny dick. And also slave teeth. What does that mean? How come you didn't bring up his hair translator? Are we, is that okay to say? What are you talking about?

It's normal. What does that mean? What is really funny? The thing you said. What do you think it means? Use contact clues. His teeth aren't his. Who do they belong to?

You think he takes them from the Tesla slave? His slaves. I'm sorry. That's what I was supposed to gather from that? No, it was something else. I thought it was. He has different people's teeth in his mouth? This is a thing.

This was a thing. I don't know what the fuck he's saying, but I do know... I'm saying the truth! You're on hater month. Wait, what is that? That's a black power fist you hit. You said speaking of tiny dicks. I read your tiny dick tweet out loud in the car.

Like it was silent reading time. Zipper, can you pull up Slime's Twitter? I was fucking dying laughing. I made you laugh? Yes. I read it in May! I was just like... My friends like me.

It was partially like my friend is an insane person, but it was also like... But I support the cause. I'm on his side of history, I think. So yesterday on Twitter, there's somebody who put up like a five foot hoop and everybody got their turn to dunk on him because... Wait it's it go up wait did he delete the tweet no he blocked me well oh that's why if you click on his tweet it's this from this guy basically it was this ai conversation between like uh bill gates and socrates that was all fake it says and uh oh what the hell and slime quote retweets it yeah and just i go back and i said i said why do all you boring short dick tech disruptors think this is something

people actually want why would you actually want to hear a robot estimate human conversation outside of a one-time novelty which we already got sick of with trump playing cod and then the guy replies and he's like this is all they can do is insult us. Well, you know, he was like, why would you threaten me? And it's like, I'm not a threat. I just considered you had a tiny dick. Like, that is not a threat. And then he was like, I wish the world would just heal.

And then you... No, no, fuck you. Don't fucking... No, that's what he said. Look, this guy's posting fucking Joe Rogan AI transcripts. You have to go to replies. Dude, it's generating Joe Rogan clips. You got to keep scrolling.

This guy tweets a lot. But it was yesterday. It was yesterday. It'll be. Oh, he's got a little skinny hat. You can pass it. Yeah, right there. He says, why do all these kind of people do?

Why do all these people only have personal threats? I guess this is the stuff the world needs to overcome. Sad to see so many people left behind. It won't be easy for them. Which I don't know. That was a. I don't know what that meant. I think he thinks

you're going to get left behind by AI. Yeah. Yeah, truly. When they, when they develop the yard, but it's AI and you guys go listen to that. They could do it.

Our job is easily replaceable. They could already do that. I don't know. What if Juvie was jizz? Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. And Linus is like, why would anybody listen to the original?

Yeah. Uh oh. I might have been like a chew boys. You replied again and you were like, post your meat. I was like, dude. I was telling all these AI bros to post their meat or shut up. And none of them do it That's not surprising as like post me dude like your tech domos It's like the right it's not the right you kind of ratioed by dots though

Well, I we talking about you got 700 on you. That's views idiot Glasses I do need more glasses. Are you doing No Hater June? Do you want me to? Do you think it's a good idea? You've been mulling it. Oh my god, Ludwig, if you want me to do it. Why did you turn into a wine baby?

Because this is him being like, you know, do you like this restaurant? What do you think of this French place? And it's like, sweetie, just ask me if you want to go. Here's the thing. He lost the no-hater thing, right? Now he's unleashed. We can't try to hold him down now.

I brought up no-hater June, and you thought it was a good idea. For streaming. But now it feels like I'm forcing you to do it. AI shit. Well, no, what I'm saying is just say it. Don't say, drop a hint, like you need me to ask you to go to the... Sorry that I want you to come to your own conclusion. Sorry

that it would feel better and it would hurt if I had to make you come to that conclusion. Is that what you want? Yeah. I want you... You want to have a date night. I want you to connect the dots. I don't want to have to do the fucking crossword every time by myself. But don't you like when we go out anyway? No. I would rather you bring me somewhere than me have to tell us when to go every time. And I feel like I've given enough fucking hints that you should come to the conclusion.

See, I feel like I just feel like we should be straight up when, you know, and confront like when I want something from you, I ask. Right. And I don't need to drop hints. Yeah. And you never ask. So that's where we're at right now. Because you give me everything you need, man.

And I guess you just don't. And your body doesn't quit. And your body doesn't quit. I know mine don't. All I need is your fucking body doesn't quit. You know what? This is a joke, but I think playing out a straight relationship for our in-cell viewer base might actually be a little helpful.

They're taking notes. We're actually going to take out that whole segment and just paste it into the advice show. That was all for tier two. Well, nothing got solved is the problem. Exactly. You have to buckle. That's great. You're supposed to buckle in this situation.

No. I'm right. You're supposed to buckle. I don't think. Well, yes. Because otherwise I'm doing too much lift in to buckle. I don't think... Because otherwise I'm doing too much lift in the relationship. I don't understand. You want him to do no-hater June,

but I thought that was only applicable in the environment of his stream as an entertainment product. Right before Good Pussy July. April showers bring May flowers. That's a different month. Yes, sir. Yes, it is. I assume we'll have a Reaganomics trickle-down effect

where if you know haters stream, he'll end up no-hatering in other avenues. No, I think it will be the opposite. He'll be bottling it up all the time and it will have to be unleashed. He'll release a big hater juice day.

Maybe. You think because he spends a day reading shitty chat messages and not not getting mad at any of them that he will suddenly be nicer to the linuses of the world i think so yeah i think he'll become more like accepting no i hate ai and ai bros i think they're all outside of ai did you listen to the bill gates socrates ai conversation i did i listened to it is it ridiculous? It's really funny.

I think it's funny how quickly Socrates will cut him off. Because Bill Gates is like, I have an iPhone. That's what they did? That's what Socrates is saying all the time. He's going, wow. Holy moly. One of the greatest minds of our time is just cutting you off with his autism to say, wow. iPhone, wow.

And he's like, what is that you're holding? And he's like, not an iPhone. And then a crowd laughs. It's like, where's the crowd? They had to inject a studio audience to the AI conversation because it wasn't funny. It's funny you didn't listen to it.

Yeah, why would I? Because you responded to it. I do think this is one of those things that's just on the surface. Yeah, surface level. You said yourself it's a layup. Unless they figure out how to make cancer into candy or something, I don't think it's worth listening to. If I replied, I would still read it. I do contextual canvassing.

I read everything. It's just clicking a video is hard. But I'll look at what other people are saying, and then i'll just parrot what they're saying sure the opposite funny yes it's definitely harder to read a bunch of shade than it is to click on a video no not for me it's faster to read i'm the fastest reader in the world i was actually like advanced reading that's right i'm the best also it sounded like you said oreganomics like oregano and that was funny to me oh italians learn math yeah yeah so here's the thing if you want me to do it sweetheart you have to say and i'll i don't want you to do it i want you to i want you to do what you want to do

i don't care what you do that's not true i don't you care i tuned into your stream last night and i saw somebody say you deserve this and it was after you lost a round and I thought to myself oh no and then they quickly replied again and he said the win I mean and I was like it is it is tense in there and I saw you make five bonehead plays that deserve to be flamed I can't play fracture yeah we talked about it We talked about it. You haven't read it yet, I think. But I was not checking my phone much this weekend because I was gone.

And then we'd get back from whatever we were doing during the day and I'd check Discord and I'd come back to the group chat and there's just a torrent of messages about how shitty Valorant was that evening. I'm like, oh, this is a bad day. It actually was really good for you. It was good.

I was just playing like shit. We were in the war room, bro. I'm like, oh, this is it actually is a bad day for you. It was We had we had we're in the war room bro, we're talking about it, bro But hey, did I not put on a good fucking show or did I not you hold my foot like it's a hamster What do you mean by a good show like the whole stream? Yeah, the whole stream was great that one match wasn't well I'll take some of the heat off of you cuz this guy over here This guy's being a little bit of a reply guy these days. Anyone else notice this? Yeah. I don't know what he's talking about. I get on Twitter and I get like five on my homepage

that just love to reply to someone like, lol. This is out of pocket. Yo, this guy's trash for real. I do love... This is the worst account on here. I wish I could talk to Socrates. I like LOL caps. I like dropping some emojis. What is this, bro?

Why are you replying to everyone? I just like replying. You just like replying? But this is a new thing. No, I get in phases. Sometimes I reply. Sometimes I don't reply. This is a pizza phase?

What? Oh, yeah, yeah. True shit. He said it. He said the line, Bart. Yeah, I like replying to some stuff. I like replying. You know what makes me reply more is the moist moguls, because I like replying to my boys.

Relax. Hey, boys, come on. Hey, gather in. Bring it in for a kneel. I did. Let me teach you a country lesson. Let me teach you a country lesson. Okay, I'm not really having a country angle, but I did really think about what speech

I'll tell them. My five valorant boys on a farm. Until you want to win as much as you want to breathe. Until you want to, until you win as much as a goddamn

fucking pregnant cow on the, pregnant cow on the prairie. You knew Mater. When you need something so bad that you would live and die for it, when the Marines come...

You ever held your own son's jizz and thought about why? Until you want to win that bad. You want to put anything at all in your hands at any cost. This is how we beat Team Liquid. Is Team Liquid in? They're not in. We don't need to beat Team Liquid. Team Liquid in? no they are not in we don't need to beat Team Liquid

they're in though Tokyo Masters they're not in my thing but they're not in my thing but you'll get there one day boys alright hey bring it

hey Sim come on Simmer down alright everyone sit down I'm gonna tell you something you gotta

a lot of Simmerdown points I said a couple things about here we gotta quit picking Sova I'm gonna tell you something you gotta a lot of super down points I I said a couple things about here we gotta quit picking Sova this is terrible we learn

I'm using none of this but I have thought of it we learn to play slow play patient dot our I's cross our T's stop speaking in a southern voice just cause they're

becoming a Dallas knowing what you won't say is like equally as valuable that's what I was saying it's not we're crossing out all the shit you won't cause if we get if you get rid of all the stuff that you won't say is equally as valuable. That's what I was saying. No, it's not. It's knowing what you will say. Crossing out all the shit you won't say. Because if you get rid of all the stuff that you wouldn't say, then you would know. There's infinite things I wouldn't say.

Infinite. That's not true. Yes, there is. It's finite. No, it's infinite. No, because the English language only has so many words. And you can put them into any sort of infinite patterns. No, it's not infinite.

It is infinite. It's infinite. It is infinite. What are you going to do? Are you going to think about horseback, it's not infinite. It's infinite. It's infinite. It is infinite. What are you going to do? Are you going to think about a horse background? We're infinite. It's infinite because

we could all come up with a sentence that's never been said. You should. I couldn't. Yes, you could. No, you've done it before. I can only come up

with dope-ass rhymes. That have never been said or that you're biting from other people? Well, Immortal Technique already said all of them. Yeah, he already slurped them all up.

Vinny Paz already shared both. Vinny Paz has the Italian Duolingo version. I hate doing this podcast for team bonding take each one of them take them on a drive in a truck and then make like Sim get up in the

sunroof and do the we are infinite thing through the tunnel each one of them as a bonding experience I was thinking axe throwing and beers yo all the moist moguls fucking wasted and then air drop They have to get really drunk wants to learn they have to get really drunk and then find their way home with like a They'd be like being drunk is really tight. We should do this before all our matches. You know play better

Smoking cigarettes the age is now 21? Yeah. Did you not? I didn't know that. I thought I was 18. You guys didn't fucking get some victory cigarettes when you turned 18? Yeah, but it's 21 now.

That's what I'm saying. No, but it's 21 as of recently. Oh, federally? I don't know. In a lot of states, it's 21 now. And I thought it was 18. Oh, I see what you're saying. So that's what I'm saying.

It's different. Yeah, yeah. You show up with Marlboros, and they're like, Dad, that's a law. It's Reds for all of us today. God, those Reds hit you like a fuck. It's like you get punched in the neck. They're tough, man. Zipper just went, whoo.

Yeah, we heard Zipper go, whoo. They still make them like that, I assume. Yeah, they make them like they used to. We don't say a lot about Zipper, but if you put together all the things we've ever said about zipper into like an ai generated like look it's like a you you could compose the hologram it's like a homeless rapper he said that as soon as he does every drug yeah epic rap battle in history the future podcast that's the future podcast. That's the future podcast. Yeah, when we all don't want to do this anymore and put any effort in,

then we will make that and we'll churn out 70 episodes a day. And it'll just be infinite. I think each episode gets like 700 views, but it still adds up to the same amount of views that we were getting before. And it's only a couple of schizophrenic guys that really like the New Yard. I think we find a celebrity and fuck up their career like Adam Friedland. Okay, like Adam Friedland did to somebody?

Yeah. He's getting more heat now, I heard. He's getting so much heat. Well, when Baby No Money was here, we had to edit out all that shit, he said. Yeah, true. But I'm saying we don't edit it out in the future. Yeah. We let going yep the thing baby no money said about bosnia was insane i can't believe he said nan king that that proudly he said

that's crazy oh man i'd just like to retract my joke actually i don't want to i don't want to do it yeah i lost the timing and now i'm regretting it. I know the viewers are going to be like, I'm retracting it. Nick Walsh. Bosnian rainbows. It's a band. With Omar Ruiz Lopez. Oh yeah. Rainbow.

Wait. Before you do the uh thing, hold on. What's the uh thing that you think I'm doing? Whenever you think there is a lull, you go uh, and then you change the subject. That's true. I was going to do that. I had one too. I had one too.

What's yours? I just thought, I didn't want to really open it all up and talk about it all, but I thought it was so funny when Faze Rain was like, man and this bitch doesn't know trick shots. That is kind of like that's what you should be making fun of her for. It's like you're FaZe and you don't know any trick shots. That's smart. That's so dumb.

Also, I think she is base. Her making fun of Rain for that is totally fair. Did you watch her video? Hi, it's me. It's me with no context. Him shit her making fun of rain for that is did you watch video is totally fair you watch your video? No It's me it's me with no context Did you read the comments surrounding it though maybe yes? It seemed bad that she made fun of him for his drug did you watch the video no yeah, so both you guys

This is you know what you're right. I don't know I need to stop doing this I need you to mogul mail me right now Hey quick 30 second mogul mail go. Fuck you, man. I can do it. I can do it. Let's go, mogul mail. Alright, well I can't do it like mogul mail.

No, do it like mogul mail. So, today in the news, Faze Rain. You don't like that? I've never said today in the news in my whole life. Just do it like he would do it. I don't watch mogul mail. What? I don't watch mogul mail. Have you never watched mogul mail? I've watched one or two he's in my life. Just do it like he would do it. I don't watch Vogelmail. What? I don't watch Vogelmail.

Have you never watched Vogelmail? I've watched Vogelmail too, but I'm... Okay, well just do it knowing how much you know about Ludwig. Come on. We've all been Ludwig. I can't do Ludwig. And you haven't done it. Because you're fucking scared. I've actually never seen Nick freeze as much in my life.

I'm so scared. I can't just do it. This is disgusting. I tried to do the Ludwig thing and it didn't work. Just try it and we won't judge you. That's not true. You're definitely... Do it.

FaZe ring. Okay. In the news today. Okay. For making fun of a woman. Classic Faze move on my book. Today, Faze. This is good.

How was that? How was that? That's good? That's good. All right, you can do a normal now. You can do a normal now. That was good. It felt kind of like SNL late night, like the desk.

Yeah, that's because that's your DNA. Uh, no. You can become the new Jimmy Fallon evil shit. Long story short is FaZe Rain is really mad at FaZe for reasons who fucking cares about. And he's using this to just constantly leak information about FaZe. So the first thing he leaked was how much they're spending on all the esport teams they have and he looks the more info i get the more inaccurate it does seem that his info is yeah it's more whether or not it's true information he's attempting to say it's leaked information and the second thing was he leaked that uh what's your last name grace something

vandine vandine was going to be joining phase after phase made their tweet that was like uh we want more women who they clearly had already chosen a woman FaZe made their tweet that was like, we want more women. They clearly had already chosen a woman when they made that tweet because he knew seconds after. They had women in the back pocket and then they're funking the fake. They're funking the fake.

Kissing shans and shaking babies. And my read was like, they were like, what if we got a woman? What would people say? And so they temp checked it before they announced it. Temp check.

And so then they pick her up, it's public And she was in an episode of Stranger Things She's like an actor But not a game one She's an actor She's not a game one Well she streams already Did she stream before Stranger Things?

Yes Before joining FaZe for sure Has she ever done a trick shot? She plays Valorant and I think she's as good as you if that makes you get a little more credit or wife Mm-hmm. Don't talk about women like that Grace how do you feel about large green rugs? I'm sorry. She's woman and plays Valorant Large green rugs. Wait, I'm sorry.

She's woman and plays Valorant? I'm thinking poor wife. I'm thinking poor wife. Do you like space heaters instead of blankets? And so, he makes a video towards her. And he basically is like, and you're white, and you're a fucking bum, and you're this. He says everything you can say that's like mean, and then he, at some point in there,

he includes, he's like, you only joined, you only got recruited to Faze because you were in a single episode of Stranger Things, and you only, there's,

and you don't even, and he's like, and you don't even know trick shots. It was like, it was like when a seven year old. And then people replied to her announcement, and it was like,

name three like, name three video games. Like, like, like how do you temper shot? Name three of the most legendary trickshot episodes by any members in phase dare or your favorite face fakie or kill yourself And then everyone was kind of like damn that was fucked up that video was weird and fucked up that you made and then she Makes and she's like yeah, so you know I'm not really known for trickshotting, but like you're known for ODing.

And I was like, wait, that's a fair analysis. There's a summarization of her video because her video is weird in that it wasn't a direct dig. It was like it was like, you know, I'm really proud of you. And I'm proud of you because my mother dealt with drug addiction and she didn't win that fight. She just phrased it in a really poor way because the leader No, I don't think that she sincerely meant it. I don't think so either

but it was a weird mix of compassion and dig. It was a weird mix of like compassionately my mother I think died from ODing which is how I understood it and then also

I don't know if she did. It feels like she's trying to save the dig by being compassionate. It was a weird video but it wasn't like it wasn't like you OD'd Lamal. Something about wasn't like, it wasn't like, it wasn't like, you OD'd LaMalle.

Something about the phase one, didn't, didn't Rain say like, I wouldn't fucking fuck you because you're mid too. Oh yeah, he called her mid. That's like a big part. This is the worst part. He goes, he goes, even on my drunkest night, you're so mid, I wouldn't. And it was like, that's weird. That was a weird ass thing to say.

That's, I think that's a line cross. Fuck yeah, bro. Not enough G Fuel in the world could get me there, bro. It's also a wheelchair. My favorite reply to all this is people saying, maybe we couldn't go back. We were still playing with Barbies. I made my first million out of this industry.

On top of it, you're excruciatingly mid, who I would never let touch me on my drunkest night. My favorite part of all this is the people who are replying saying like, hey, you know what? Maybe we couldn't handle the old MonoWolf Air 2 lobbies because everyone's like, that was too far, guys. Actually, we went a little too far this time. She just posted his IP address. That would have been so hard.

That would have been so sick. She did kind of get the biggest layup ever, right? In terms of like Twitter and the internet. Yeah, then she shot the hoop. It's what it sounds like. Yo, swag. Dude, I remember the first time my buddy Noah hit a temper shot.

It was freshman year of high school. And he brought in a video on his flip phone because he filmed his TV with a flip phone. Oh my God. And he showed a group of people at the lunch tables all sitting around. We were like, yo! You hit one! That's 28p. It was crazy. It was definitely like 140.

It was like less. Yeah, but it's also the resolution of the TV. Oh, yeah. What is a temper shot? A temper shot is when you jump off of something high in the game, and then you scope in your sniper, and then you double tap Y to cancel the scoping into your sniper,

and then you do a 360 and you shoot. Because double tapping Y pulls out your secondary? For a second, and then it pulls your regular gun out, and it cancels the scope in animation. Are you so accurate when you do the shot? Or is it like a super lucky type of beat? Super lucky. Wow.

I'd love to do that to Aiden. when you do the shot? Or is it like a very inaccurate super lucky type of beat? Super lucky. Wow. I'd love to do that to Aiden. I would be cool watching Aiden die if you hit a temper shot in real life. It's likely that I miss. It's very likely that he misses.

Yeah. And it would probably hurt him more if he misses because the fall damage would be brutal. Fall damage would really hurt. Surely it's more accurate in real life

than it is in video. No. God no. Fall damage? Not fall damage. Are you be brutal. Surely it's more accurate in real life than it is in video game. No, god no. Fall damage? Definitely. Not fall damage. Are you being serious? Yeah, I'm being serious.

Scoping in and then like jumping off a ladder. I more just mean if you shoot a sniper rifle from the hip in real life, it is more accurate than in video game. Guns don't have hit scan. I totally disagree with this. Also, the zipper's laughing at you. That's crazy. I totally disagree with this.

Okay, well the zipper can't hold a gun. He only has zippers. I've shot a sniper rifle, and that shit is hard. You shot a freaking diaper rifle because you poop your pants every day. Ooh! Yup. Yo! Yup. Yup.

Fuck you, dude. You didn't let him do that to you? All you're known for is having bad hair and OD. No. Wait. Uh-oh. It's the episode where we get mean. Dude, don't call me. Why? Wait. Uh-oh. It's the episode where we get mean. Dude, don't call me.

Wait, before this, by the way, if we're going to leak, we're going to sit here and be leaks. Oh, okay. Aiden was saying he's standing and he's about to sit down. He's like, we're making fun of Ludwig. And Ludwig laughs at him, including us laughing at him. Yeah, we're like, that's the guy that gets made fun of. My first thought is like, yeah, I don't think you've been hanging out.

I go, listen. We got to make it funny. Wait, what was your reasoning? Why did you say that? Oh, I just wanted to say it. Okay. So it wasn't like a... Kind of like, hear my own voice beat.

I'm with that. That's raw. I've been there. I love that. Yes, sir. That's it? He doesn't want to do it. He doesn't want to do the um.

I was basically, since he likes to do the topical glue. I just don't, I don't want to bring it up. I'm waiting for someone else to bring it up. What are we bringing up? Bring up what? Anything you guys want to talk about today. Oh, you said it like there was like a specific thing. Like a specific thing.

If whatever you guys want to bring up that has happened this week. Why are you being weird now? I'm not being weird, but anything that's happened in the past, Whatever you guys want to bring up that has happened. Why are you being weird now? I'm not being weird, but anything that's happened to you guys that you want to bring up, you can bring up. Anything that's happened

to any of us, any accomplishments, I don't know. What the fuck is this? It feels like you're alluding to something. I'm not alluding to anything. This is so weird.

Is there anyone here who has an accomplishment that maybe someone wants to bring up? No, I didn't hit plat. Are you getting us to talk about you? Is that what we're talking about?

What did I do? Oh, dude, he did the charity stream. Are you getting us to talk about you? Is that what we're talking about? What did I do? Oh, dude, he did the charity stream. The charity stream? Well, almost. Did you hit 5 million subscribers? Wait, you actually don't know what it is. You know what it is, but you're kidding, right? No, I'm doing...

He wants to... He's saying it because it's something he just achieved. Yeah. Wait, what am I... It's unironic. It's the world record. He did the auction thing. The world record. Oh, and the world record. You did the auction thing. The world record.

Oh, and the world record. Whoa. Oh, the Mario Party world record. I heard about it. You had a big week. You heard about it. Okay. That's cool.

Yeah. I didn't think it was a big deal. So. I'm going to be. Okay. I'll be honest. I thought it just meant you beat Squeaks again. No, dad.

I got the world record I'm on speedrun.com at the top scroll down scroll down scroll down. Look how many people are in this category to 13 So wait, there's only 13 in the category? Unsubmitted runs it was a very impressive record. I genuinely thought there was a lot more people submitting. I never scrolled Maybe don't scroll that far as it that's that is a thing the screenshot always shows the top three it's like oh that seems pretty close well look to be fair i think it's a really hard category to run and most people don't try it because it's so difficult do you really think that i do actually i actually think if you were to boot up this run you could not beat it in like one day like you'd have to end stream and go live again

i couldn't finish the whole run you could could not even complete a run. 12 hour? I think that's too long. Wait, you're saying you can't complete a run in a day? That's dumb as shit. I would just win. I think you wouldn't. Complete a run, you can't go five hours. You're saying like... I think it would go so

long that he would want to end stream. You're saying I don't have the mental fortitude. Yes. He's also saying you couldn't do a subathon. Oh, I could. I'm saying sleeping is losing. I'm not saying like the stream's live, but I'm sleeping. Yeah, I get it. I'm just saying he says you don't have what it takes to stay online. I can stay online. I don't

think you could do this run. It's that hard. That's interesting to say because I am proud of you. I think I dust it. And I do think you getting world record is sick. I think you would be able to beat it. I think you couldn't dust it. I think it'd take you two weeks. That's fair. I'll take two weeks. Sounds like a true feat of strength.

Well, two weeks is like putting probably like 50 plus hours a week in. Don't let them get you down. Don't let them get you down. I said congratulations. We all are proud of you. You're the one. Hey, look, I retired. I don't even know what you guys are talking about.

You did also retire. That's so funny. That's funny. Do you know why I retired? Because you don't want to play the game anymore. Well, partially that, because it's a brutal run that i get really mad when i play but then second because i've been like hawking the category ever since i started running because a huge amount of people started doing it like it started with just me and squeaks having like a beef thing it was like me

and him back and forth only five people have ever done speed run before me and squeaks and then everybody started doing it dude people were streaming with his old like 2018 twitch background on yeah and so okay that guy who had my old background uh who had a really good time is called fable ssb who's a smasher very good smasher he's a good he's like a very good player yeah very good chic yep uh and uh and uh he uh he was streaming last night he's on a great run and i was like oh he's gonna break the record and so then i instantly tweet out like oh by the way i retired from the game 40 minutes later he gets the new world record what it's not verified yet so it's not like as well known but he has the new record dude you're so smart so smart. That's so fucking funny. But I was like, I'm out, I'm out. In Ludwig's prime, he was the number one.

Yeah, you get to be in the Sony Assault video. Yeah, I get to be in it. And then I'm retired now. Dude, Sony Assault is like a six minute video about this. I actually asked him to do the intro to my video for it, and he said he would. Oh. He's nice. That's great.

But yeah, he dug it. I'm proud of you. Okay, let me ask you a question. I think this is going to be a layup for you, but are you more proud of getting world record than dining in Valhalla for the rest of your life or raising $100,000 for No Kids Hungry? Off the record.

We won't put it in the answer. Off the record. Oh, definitely Mario Party. It was also Make-A-Wish. Do a clean one for the episode. I'm really happy those kids got their wishes. Why do I say it like that? I am really happy.

So you're happy that the kids. I'm happy for the kids. That's good. Really? You're happy about terminal kids. Look, I think. Them being terminal. Actually, that is a misconception.

They don't only give wishes to terminal kids. What? That doesn't seem fair. That seems bad. That's bad. That's bad for the value of wishes. We need to quit. Because if the kid's going to be fine, you know. Kids are going to terminal kids. What? That doesn't seem fair. That seems bad. That's not bad. That's bad for the value of wishes. We need to... Because if the kid's gonna be fine, you know. If I'm a genie

and I come out and I'm like, what's your date, kid? What's the expiration date? And he's like, I'm good. I'm actually living. I'm going back in the fucking... Going back in the lamp to play. Really? Going back in the lamp? What are you going on the lamp? That's so exciting. There's Xbox in there. I got kids. I got dead kids to find to seek out. Which Xbox? Xboxbox 360 do you have an internet adapter he's in tempera yeah obviously i got a j tag in there

i'm running modded cod lobbies uh i i think it was actually really easy to do the charity stream and i can do it whenever i actually think i broke charity streams they're very free well how so what do you mean the new meta is raffles i don't know if it's legal don't say that i don't know if i can do it legally oh yeah yeah i think i might be breaking laws stop saying it it's a crime right yeah punishable felony maybe at least a misdemeanor depends on how much could be grand theft because we're basically running mini lotteries. Yeah. And making so much money.

But it's for charity. Half of it. Yeah, half is for charity. Wait, is that disclosed? What's up? I thought all of it was for charity. Disclosed. Is there a difference? For charity?

If you imagine. I disclose. What do you disclose? No, no, no. I made a lot. The YouTube bio said that this is copyrighted material. I do not own it. I do not own it.

Please do not take down. I do not reflect the views of my company. This is fair use. Fair use. And the only song they used was Dreamscape by 009 Sound System. No, that one comes with YouTube. It does. Not anymore.

It's copyrighted. We used Cracked Sony Vegas for Ludwig's YouTube videos, by the way. And I made a lot from it. We made $117K. I asked Otto to do some rough math. About $80K came from raffles. Wow. So, for example, I gave away my old PC, the one Christopher Yee made.

Beautiful PC. Remember that one that I had? Had some problems. It couldn't fit the new hard drive. Christopher Yee? Well, the external was beautiful. Remember I had to fix it? Christopher I had if I had to fix it Christopher ye I had to fix this computer

You had to call in slimy steps That was pretty clever kind of fingers More I've seen your tech skills the worst. I think you are at it no I did fuck you know I did fuck up one of his PCs. It was a big pain in the ass. Yeah, but you didn't fuck up me and Nick's? I've literally never built a PC properly in my whole life. Every single time I've ruined it in some way.

Mine and Nick's. Dipshit. So wait, you gave all... How did this turn on me? Did you enjoy the charity stream? Yeah, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it because it went really well. But that PC was $5 raffle to entry. 7,000 people entered. Did you enjoy the charity stream? Yeah, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it because it went really well. But that PC was $5 raffle to entry.

7,000 people entered. Did you sell Jackie? No, because I don't think I would have made it nearly enough. Dick Serdo, the fucking clown circus over there, he literally reported on his charity stream like he's going to sell Jackie. And he's like, this is the one thing he's not selling. And he said that. You did put it in the video, though.

I might have put it in a short as a meme. meme yeah he put it in the short that announced that he's as an item that he's going to sell okay that i didn't know but fooling journalists that's why i thought he was selling jack we should just do shit to bait dexerto into wrong articles constantly we could do that easily i could like like dm them and say hey i'm gonna kick and they'd write an article and then we every oh dude and they'd write an article. And then we, oh, dude. And eventually over time, no one believes them anymore because they keep lying. People already shouldn't believe them.

But they won't because you've proved it. I don't think people will stop believing them because people believe Daily Loud. With your skill. Yeah, Dexerto is the Daily Loud of gaming. Dexerto is better than Daily Loud. Not even close. I really don't think you believe that.

They're posting fight videos every day, Dexerto. But it's about nerds. Do you think Daily Loud is on the same plane? Plane? Like, do you think they're on the same level? Is it landing? No, Daily Loud does all four pillars, so I'm fine with that. That was yucky.

Yeah. I tried to make a 9-11 joke, and then as I'm doing it, I'm like, we've done too many 9-11 jokes. How do I make this into something funny? And then the timing window closed and I went with that and it it was like when you miss your action command in Final Fantasy 10 yeah the cutscene it is like a

video game podcasting is easy yeah this shit's kinda free okay wait when I was gonna ask you about the charity stream did it feel good getting rid of all that shit that's gotta be the best part. Yeah, yeah.

I got rid of the shit and made money. I clicked through. It wasn't that much shit. It was 25 things. You didn't sell that many things? 25 things. What the fuck that means? Oh, this doesn't...

You're giving me all the anxiety back. I felt relieved that you... Because in my head, because you had done this stream, the garage was clean. That's what happened in my head. The garage is clean. He did the stream garage stream room clean all that stuff that was there for so long It must be gone. It is gone. No, bro. I went over I went over to his house

And I'm looking there's a couple boxes in the corner like big-ass boxes and it's just filled with like his priceless Like Pokemon games that he like, he would message me to be like, Hey, can you drop like fucking five figures on this Pokemon crystal and talk to this guy? And I'm like, yes,

yes. I want to lean into this so hard and just put you on blast for having like PSA 10 boxes of shit on the fucking ground in the dust with the spiders. But I bought a bunch of nice GameCube controllers this year and I have done... Worth under $200? No, I bought like a $2,000 one.

What? And I've done the same thing with them. They just sit in the dust in my room. We are not controlled by physical items. They have a lock on you two. We are released. Yeah, I'm not. I don't consume.

I'm free of consumerism. We are free from consumerism, me and him. Oh, you and him. Me and him are equally free from consumerism. Me and him. I set myself free. That's crazy. I got these sweatpants for free.

Yeah, I can tell. Wow. That's crazy. I got these sweatpants for free. Yeah, I can tell. Wow. Oh. Wow. Fuck. Really had to pull that card on me. Fucking boom. Tough guy.

Got him. Well, I mean, it's hot out. You're hot out. You're hot out. You Adonis. I'd be hot inside. You're hot and he's out. I'd be hot inside.

You know what's under there, though? I'd be hot turned inside and out. He pops that off. Pacey White. That's true. Blind you. I think you should. Actually, I have a really good tango right now Pacey white. That's true blind you I think you should really get tango shut up Here's the facts guys summers coming and that means the UVs are coming out as a UV 10 the other day and it was a Shady day because UVs don't stop for nobody They do not care about you which is why you all should listen up because Aiden's gonna tell you about the sponsor of today's podcast

Today we're sponsored by Native Sunscreen. Woo! Yay! These guys are excited. Yay-ya! That's my new thing. Yay-ya! I don't know if I love it yet, but we'll work on it. We gotta get this really quick because Slime just farted, but the cool thing about Native

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Got me a raise. Goodbye to our sponsors. Dude. We all saw Fast 10 last week. Ugh. Fast 10. I liked it. I hated it.

He liked it. I hated it. I did not like it. I just love Fast. I went in hoping it was like a superhero movie like Fast 9 was. Mm-hmm. Because I thought that was so funny. Fast 9 is better.

It attempted to just be a real movie. And I was like, ugh, why'd you do that? No, it didn't. It kind and I was like no it kind of did it took a step down they took a step back in the ridiculous meter like they cranked it to 11 for 9 and they cranked it back to 8 for this one interesting I would argue 7 I didn't go but also all the you flaked like a bitch I was streaming by accident I also thought it was way later we're like old me Yes you can't get mad at me Aiden had a good idea So it's like I have an idea

So don't make fun of me Not gonna happen Be nice to me now I hate you man But I thought one of the first segments we did On the podcast in one of our very very early episodes Because we went to go see fast nine together and you also didn't come yeah and then because of that we came back and we did two truths

and a lie about the fast movie and i wanted to bring that back two years later see if you can figure it out and this time last time we did challenge played the classic trick of all of them are true there is no lie, but We there is the game is real this time. I believe them so I have some Pick the fourth option which is your line. They're all true. Yeah false dichotomy never trust on me prismers, Delano I've been trying to teach kids about false dichotomies Why you're going to go to the moist moguls you're teaching about false How many times I've had to explain what like how like you know you have like an eSports org now and like that's probably Like watching this board for this team to like someone who's like an adult or an army and they're like what's it called?

and I'm like Do I say the full just say voice? MXM or moguls pick Pick. I just go, I go moguls. Yeah. And someone who's with me who knows the secret, like, or like the truth

will look at me like, come on. MXM. Come on. It's like the, it's always sunny when Ron, sorry,

Mac wants to, he doesn't want to pick up his name tag and wear it at the high school reunion. Oh, right. And he's like, well, it's your name.

It's your name. And then it's revealed that in that episode right there that his name is ronald mcdonald it is exactly like that it's exactly like that all right so you got your two truths in a lie yeah i got it i got it for you um so first uh dom flies a car head into a cement mounted crane which pinballs a bomb rolling towards the vatican dom shoots letty because the villain makes him choose between her and his son with the villain remarking you can't save everyone okay and then the last one dom makes his eight-year-old son jump out of a moving car on the highway.

Okay. The Vatican one is insane. I feel like... This is hard. I feel like the second two are too normal. And the first one's insane. But I feel like that's the red herring. So my job, if I gotta win the game, I have to guess the Yomi levels.

And I'm going to go with number two being the lie. Wow. You're correct. You win the game. You're correct. Yeah, I had to guess the Yomi levels. That is crazy about the first one. It basically does happen.

They saw that movie and said they really didn't crank it high enough. Yeah, I was going to say. They saw that. Dude, it's a bomb on fire rolling toward the Vatican. Which is a small place. And he drives his car into a cement crane, which swings and pinballed the ball into the river. Dude, I think I turned over to Sansa and I was like I did a shrine like that in Zelda. And they walked away like

it wasn't crazy enough. During that scene, during that scene, they were like there's this whole chase through Rome when, uh, and there's this one set of two really tight corners that go down from like where a hotel is

into this square of Rome, which wouldn't you would know because you left us. Oh, is there any movie in Florence? No, it's in Rome. Unfortunately, I went there. But boy, this this series of really tight corners. The day we got Vespas to drive Nick with like I took the exact same like not like similar the one they drove in the movie. I took the exact turn like not like similar the one they drove in the movie

I took the exact turn on the Vespa really crashed it When I got home, I was like most unreal slick shit about that movie was them nailing that turn It's just too fucking tight. That's that's cool was the exact was the exact one I was like I was I literally like oh It was like that's the turn. It was all CGI one. It was the exact one. I was like, I was like, I literally was like, oh! And Abe was like, that's the turn. It was all CGI recreated, I'm pretty sure.

Well, maybe not that, like maybe they actually were able to stunt drive it, but they used like the Spanish steps and they had the giant bomb go down the steps.

And that's how you drive down to follow the same way the steps go. It's definitely a real shot of the Spanish steps that is CG, you know, debris and breaking.

Is the same turn in the Lizzie McGuire movie? Oh my God, I have to go back and check. It might be. Didn't we watch that before I crashed? I didn't watch it. Before I crashed. You watched it before I crashed.

I like talking about it like a... It was BC. Yeah, BC before I crashed. It was a huge moment. I like how the reason you crashed was just Aiden. Yeah. Oh yeah. I just described it poorly

you said exactly what our guy said cause the guy who taught us how to ride Vespas he was like don't turn your body turn your hand and then Nick was like alright and he just went fucking and that doesn't work unless you also turn your body you gotta turn your body a little bit

especially when you have someone on the back it's even worse with someone on the back. When I rode Ludwig's Vespa, I was like, I was learning how to walk like a child. I was learning what my body is limited for and my hands are limited for. It was really weird. Because we were talking, I was talking about this

this weekend with Sipper 3 and I remembered the Vespas were, that is the most angry I've ever been with you yeah for real you were really mad at me was when you cut me off and trapped what if amon broke his fucking leg didn't happen don't care it didn't happen he's that's literally you guys think it's like him it's like a comedic beat that he just hit he's literally like that he doesn't have enough ram in his body to think about things that haven't existed. I apologize for my actions and we moved on forward from it.

He did apologize. Did he apologize for real? Yeah. Yeah. I don't need to hypotheticalize what would have happened if it had gone awry. I didn't know you apologized. Of course I apologized. He did.

No, it'd be crazy if I didn't apologize. It wouldn't be that crazy if you didn't apologize. It'd be crazy. It would be crazy to not apologize for that specific action. It's hard to get you to apologize, is all I'm saying. I love apologizing. No, you don't. I'm sorry that you think that.

Yo, hold on. Come on. The evidence is kind of building up a little bit. No, that's a phase apology. I'm sorry you feel that way. No. No? I'm sorry that you've come to this notion.

I failed somewhere along the way. I'll work better. I'll work harder. Shut the fuck up. I'll work better I'll work harder Shut the fuck up I'll work harder I don't wanna I don't wanna go to the To Olive Garden with you Why?

Why don't you invite me sometimes? I want you to ask me To go to Olive Garden Of course you do Do you think we could get signed As FaZe podcasters? Yeah I was courted by FaZe a while ago

I'll do anything for a bag Like we're only FaZe On the yard You are not a phase talent. No, I'd probably have to be a whole package. No. Okay. So, good call.

I think Nick is right. Yeah. We should do that. What he said. You shouldn't do that. In the movie, does Dom say, when in Rome? No. Nobody says that.

They say we're shit, for sure. They make a weird pun that's kind of like that about Roman's name though. Oh yeah, that was weird. Wait, what was it again? Dom looks at the camera and he's like, Romulus and penis. Yeah. What is that? Yeah, and they all erupted into laughter.

And then they looked at the camera and they said, now you. There's less like rememberable one-liners. I remember after the night I was just like everything. There's less like Rememorable Or memorable One liners Yes I remember after the Nine I was just like Everything So I'm telling you The ridiculous factor

Was way lowered And they attempted To be a real movie And I also am a little mad That there was a Cliffhanger ending Oh yeah Kind of a spoiler

But it's not really a spoiler There's just a cliffhanger You're saying they're Making more of these films It was set up for Basically a part Unfortunately Like Final Fantasy 10

There's gonna be a Fast 10 too They left the story Not just like Cliffhanger Let the audience decide. They have to actually make another one. Yeah, yeah. That's kind of cringe.

It is. No, it's dope, dude. I don't think it's dope. I want to watch a Fast movie once a year forever. I want it to be like COD. Every November 11th, a new Fast comes out. Me too. I want to finish it.

Don't make me play COD and then say multiplayer coming next year. You're saying that as a guy who literally comes up with YouTube titles that are invented to make you click and wonder what's coming next. No, no, no, but I've never done a YouTube video. But I'm saying the concept is the same. No, it's not the same. You've got to come back to the next fast. This is a terrible analogy.

This is like if I were to make a YouTube video called Breaking the Mario Party World Record and then at the end of the video I go, and tune in next video where I actually break it. Fuck it. What do you mean, fuck it? I wouldn't do that. TikTokers do this all the time. Yes, they do. And I hate it.

Interesting. You are bound by these earthly rules. You got to deliver, at least try on what the title thumbnail is. He has principles, Lubbin. The Dumb Monger. You don't have to deliver. You have to attempt. You have to get close.

If you don't even get close. If the baby stays in the pussy, you have not done your job. Ew. Wow. Ew to that sentence. Ew. That was like.

That was icky. It was like a slimy sentence. That was like the word moist for people 10 years ago for me. That's where we are now culturally. That's where you have to go. Yeah. To get that go yeah to get that feeling to get that same feeling 10 years from now it'll be the baby stays in the pussy moguls

just qualify for a tier one and they should have just gone with the pm clutch was so sick they They got like oh tens, bro Yeah, I always fucking biting my shit hey white boys took back moist kinda, huh, huh Everyone used to complain about it and white boys to get back. Yeah, we took it God Yeah, I said it people still say yuck no now I guess less What was that? What was that that culture of like you'd say moist and I would be like yeah That was in middle school. It was just ten years ago tumblr core. I think it was like

It was like finding out that everyone has it remember first world problems was such a revolutionary like bit Oh, yeah, like yo, it's about us all finding out that we all have served like these shared minor grievances in in like sedentary life and then making it a huge deal like it's special that we found out over the past 10 years that it just wasn't special at all and now we're making socrates talk to fucking jaws In AI Do you think My mustache looks good It looks Here Let me tell you the truth

Actually Your what Your body doesn't quit So hard You're an Adonis I don't even look At your mustache Brother Bear

But if you were to I look at what's going on South of the border Okay You know what I'm saying You know You're basically saying That my chest and cock

Look good enough That it doesn't matter If I'm ugly in my face. In so many words, yes. You had to be crass about it. I was trying to be a little romantic. I really am asking about my face today. Okay, so now you want a direct answer. Yes.

You want a direct answer. Some are poets, some are rappers. That's what I always say. It's not romantic, by the way. Now you want to go to Olive Garden. You're saying it fancy, but you're not saying it right. What you're asking it's not romantic by the way now you want to go to olive garden you're just saying it you're saying it fancy but you're not saying it right like it's not what you're saying is not right you're just not romanced by me so it's not romantic it's like if a a woman were to say like hey does like do you like my new hairdo and you're like your tits look great

that's what you're doing to me i'd probably bow because i worship women and believe in them so i wouldn't say that also would be weird i know you would say that but i wouldn't also that would be weird no i'd probably fucking weird make us but I wouldn't. Also, that would be weird. If he bowed to you? No, I'd probably. Yeah, that would be fucking weird. Make us do that. I would say, does my hair look nice anyway? You do make us do that. If he does the slime at 7-Eleven in Japan. Everybody has to wet a hair. No, we said paper or plastic, actually.

You're honest. Dude, no, okay. It would be funny if your significant other was like, does my hair look good? I just got it done. And you're like, no. But everything else, that's what I'm saying. So, no, you didn't say no, though. But basically, it's like, your mustache isn't offensive enough for me to take note of it mentally.

Thank you. You're welcome. Wow. I didn't notice your beautiful hair. That was nice. Because of your pooping ass. He just said it wasn't offensive enough. That's good.

It's a non-zero. You shouldn't say thank you. Thank you. You shouldn't say that. It means that it doesn't impact it. Yeah, but you asked me. It's a non-factor. I think you're asking if you want some sort of validation.

No, I'm happy that it's a non-factor because I was worried it was bad. Here's the thing, though. It's going to get worse. No, it won't. It'll only get better. We've seen it. We've seen how it gets. It looks bad. It'll only grow. I'll get better this though. It's going to get worse. No, it'll only get better. We've seen it. We've seen how it gets. It looks bad.

I'll get better this time. I'm going to trim it. You should do those like Instagram, like rolling pins. You've seen those? Yeah. It's like, it's like re-roll your beard with like you roll the pin and then use like oil that seeps into your skin and makes your beard grow. Holy shit.

Apparently. I don't believe it. We should go to Turkey. I get the top and you get the bottom. Turkey's not cheap right now, man. I don't care. We're rich. Turkey, there's a lot of inflation in Turkey.

Dude, I have six nine. We're hungry. We're hungry. Wait, that means it is cheap for us. Yeah. That's, you're dumb. Our dollar is stronger than Turkey's. Our dollar would go further there.

I guess that's true, but you would need more lira. It's lira, right? Yeah, but we, it doesn't, it doesn't affect but it doesn't matter because I'm buying a million dollars. If you get a million lira, that's a lot more than like $100, which means you're spending more because you have a million of them. Yeah, it's a million. It's way more than a hundred. But if it's more expensive for people in Turkey, wouldn't it be more?

It's because they don't. Does the strength of the dollar compared to the lira directly correlate to inflation? Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know.

Can you look up the US dollar to the lira over the past six months? Here's how this works. All right. I pay $100 for a hair transplant in Turkey for my butt only. And an eight ball. And an eight ball of cocaine.

You get both. But let's say erdogan tanks our economy because he also got cocaine butt transplants and he spent all the government money okay so now turns out that cocaine and butt hair transplant now costs a thousand lira but both of those amounts don't they they equal the same amount of u.s dollars because the u.s dollar is a stable coin. Okay. Now a stable coin.

Stable coin, I got it. You got me there. Okay. I love stable coins. So yeah, it's bad right now. Is crypto dead? Did we finish it? No.

No one's talking about it. Did we fatality crypto? It's less prevalent in the social sphere, but it's still alive. I mean, crypto is always an end game to like a few coins that would be the winners that would survive everyone else. Actually, everybody Bitcoin and it went to zero. And that's why you should give it to me for one dollar for more. I'm overpaying, actually.

I'm overpaying. You're welcome. People always need to buy mushrooms on the Internet and CSGO guns. Zipper claps. Who knows what for? For cryptocurrency. So what I was saying, we go turkey, you get the bottom half, you get a beard transplant,

so you don't look like a freak anymore. And I get my head transplant, so I don't look like a freak anymore. I look like a freak? Without a beard? When you grow out your facial hair, Ludwin Anders, you look really disgusting you don't think that no right i don't think that he's lying he's lying let's say right

what do i think what do i believe you look good no good no it looks good no uh okay yeah we can go to turkey together yeah turkey time i've paid much less attention to my facial hair. I'd say like this year. I just like shave when it gets annoying, basically. When it feels annoying, not depending on how it looks. And I thought that the way I look, having not shaved for like a month, was functionally the same as how I look when I do shave. Because I don't grow a lot of facial hair.

So I was like never really thought about it. And then I shaved for the last episode, which I apparently haven't done in a while. And a lot of people noticed. Really? And said something. And then I got here today and Zipper was like, almost like confused. And he was like, you look good, like abnormally.

And I was like, I shaved. Wait, did you get a haircut last episode? Yeah. It was the combination of the shave and the haircut. And I was like, I just have to shave. I have to do the thing where you're a guy and you wake up and part of your morning routine is shaving the comment was genuine oh i believe it was genuine but it felt like i look different than normal

is what i was saying you know i mean like i look better than usual you look clean you did you look better than usual i thought you thought i just i thought bad night so what i'm saying is i gotta shave now because i didn't realize anyone noticed yeah you're a grown-ass man who has to shave his face. You have reverse spotlight effect. What does that mean? Spotlight effect is when you think people notice stuff about you

more than they actually do. Oh, like acne and stuff? Yeah. And you're really self-conscious about it but no one notices it. We notice your acne though whenever it crops up.

It's very noticeable on your face. I don't get acne anymore so this does not offend me. But when it crops up, super noticeable. When it crops up, it's like a goddamn

son of a bitch. Yeah, take off that hat and show us what you got, buddy. His hair looks good. The first time I ever heard Sniper get down, I thought it was so funny. Yeah.

It's not funny anymore. Most jokes started out as really funny. I was like, fuck. I love, for example, Squeaks. He has a really tough hairline. And when he looks down, when he's focusing,

it's a comma. People spam comma. I love that. That's pretty funny. I think that's so brutal. I think that's better than Sniper get down because it's like a visual element. It's like a it's a comma spam comma i love that that's pretty funny i think that's so brutal i think that's better than cyber get down because it's like a visual element it's like it's like a hieroglyph it's similar well it's better because it's a hieroglyph and the joke is just like a symbol rather than a right you know what i mean okay actually looks pretty good no i was gonna

say you put it back on i put the hat back on and we can keep podcasting and finish the job. Do what you need to do without getting distracted. I went to Maryland and D.C. this weekend. Oh my god. What? You got beef with the Capitol? What? You pissing Biden again? I'm a mogul moves lobbyist. I went to do your dirty work.

I just thought it was funny the pictures you would post. Oh, they were funny Yeah, what were those? He had a sense of humor abroad for the first time. We love this. You think it was you think it was being intentionally funny? Yeah, yeah Oh, he definitely was but he would just post a picture to be like him on a lime scooter and it'd just be like a stupid caption. Yeah, it was hype. I was so proud of him for these these posts He replied on Twitter with like him on a lime scooter and then some

russian phrase yeah i was just having fun yes sir because you were goofing zipper three would ask me if i would wanted a picture and i was like yeah but i don't i don't really want the want like a photo of me smiling next to something so it's just like what would like awkward yaoi hands tourists look like dude Dude, your hands did look huge. I don't know why your hands look like that. I'm already a disproportionate human being. And then it's also on like fucking.5. Zipper, can you pull that up?

Why do your hands look like that, man? Pull that up and also can you show, can you do this like Uncle Jack? Yeah. Okay. Can you? Dude, your hands are so weirdly big. They're not even that, but in the, oh my God.

Okay. Are they soft? Tell me if they're soft or not now. He's got soft hands. I've ruined my soft hands with rocks. That's good. My hands aren't soft anymore. Now they're Ford tough.

My trainer makes me chalk when I do heavy lifts. You feel like a little climber. No, it's just really gross. They're dry now? They're all dry and shit. Christian, well, let me try. You should try liquid chalk. I am not hungry, but thank you

Fendrick Lamar's Twitter Josh Fenderick is at I'm pretty sure uh, I went to see all like the typical sites in you Did I shit I met up with Fendi, which was nice. We walked around for a couple hours. Did you do the duck boat, duck tour? Did not do the duck tour, but walked by it. Did you go to the Smith's Saudi tour? Well, outside of it.

Duck tour. That doesn't count at all. You didn't go in it. Why would you even say that? Tours and tours. Tours and tours. When I went to that picture of me with the live scooter at the White House, you can see the sign next to me, and it says says like, stop all hate or something.

And there was this older guy that's sitting there with a microphone and a speaker. Just he just keeps going off about how like the man is keeping us all down and like how we used to, you know, we used to be one and like how we used to when we're one people facing adversity. One piece. And there's this, there's this like small, it's it's an Indian family, presumably,

and they're walking up. Presumably because you racially profiled it. You should not say presumably there. Just say Indian family. We'll believe you. What if they're from Pakistan? Exactly. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. And they're listening. So I was near the White House confusing people from India or Pakistan. I was busy.

I was busy. I was busy being a fucking American. And I was asking them. I was like, I'm so Pakistani. But the guy with the mic who's been, he's just mouthing off nonstop. Because we were there for a while, probably like 10, 15 minutes, and he has not stopped talking. And when they walk up to take a photo in front of the White House like everybody else is, he occasionally has put on a song. And when they walk, they're not minding him at all.

They're not engaging with him. But he's like, let's put on some Indian music. Let's get some Indian music in here. Get dancing. Get dancing. I got the Indian music on. It's like, how about y'all dance? And then and then he's like, and then they're not really doing anything.

They clearly do not want to dance in front of the White House. And this guy is just calling them out in front of like a field of tourists. And and then he's like, what's wrong with us? These people won't even dance to their own music anymore. Where did we go wrong? He just, this is how bad we done got. They don't even dance. We can't even dance to our own music, our own people's music.

And he just keeps saying it. And everybody is just up to what is happening. Did the Secret Service cut his head off with a chainsaw? They did not. They don't care about us. They sent him out there. They pay him $10 a day, and they're like, good shit, good shit. They start yelling at people. I went to D.C. once in my life.

It was sixth grade on a field trip. And it was the only field trip that we did at that age where like there's no parents. You did it in sixth grade? Yeah. Ours was eighth grade. Actually, it might have been eighth grade. Yeah, the DC trip. Yeah. And so we did the DC trip and we do all the tours and stuff.

And I remember my mom gave us some cash to get food. And me and my friend Jay, we split a pizza. We split one pizza, but Twix the two of us and we're munching on the pizza. And one of our friends, Ryan, comes up and he didn't order food in time. He's just late. split a pizza we split one pizza but twixt the two of us and we're munching on the pizza and uh and one of our friends ryan comes up and he he didn't order food in time he's just late he just i don't know what the fuck he's fucking off in the bathroom or something and he's like ah it's too late to order food because we got to go do the duck tours and so he's like can i get one of your pizzas and i looked at him i was like 20 straight up because i didn't want to i didn't want him to

have my pizza i wanted to eat my pizza you know i was a chubby-ish lad, and I was like, I want this. And he's like, all right. And he gave me $20. And I was like, what a come up. This pizza was $9. Yep. This is a come up. You offered so high.

He sold pizza like Tesla stock. I upsold him. I knew that he had a demand for food, and the market would not supply it. And I was his only option. Yeah. So I fucking. You had a monopoly in that moment. And I squeezed him for all he had.

Very nice. What happens is we come home from the DC trip and weird, my teacher is like, hey, can you save the class? I'm like, all right, sure. Yeah. Save the class. And she's like, hey, so Ryan's mother called the school. What?

And yeah, you apparently asked Ryan to purchase purchase a pizza it's me jay and ryan all together me and jay look at each other we're like yeah and she was like what was the price for the pizza i was like 20 20 bucks and then she walks me through she's like well how much you pay for the pizza like how much you think a slice would be worth like well i didn't want to sell it you know and then she made me give ryan back his 20 and And ever since then. Damn, he fucking scammed you. Ryan was on hoodwashed because he scammed me out of a piece of pizza because he didn't even pay a dime for it. Because I had to give him all his money back,

and I got in trouble for charging him $20. All the pizza. Ryan, by the way, went on. This is a good lesson for everybody. To wear a suit every single day to school and high school. No way. No way. Bro, I can't believe you narked on him like that.

This is what happened. That's crazy. You wore a suit. You can't do that in high school. That's weird. He did in high school. I bet he was cool. So the teacher was like an antitrust government organization. You were the libertarian capitalism. It would be funny if the teacher came to you

and was like, well, you have to pay capital gains tax and just took that just took and he got a piece or four dollars she liked me a lot and she was like hey i i respect this scam and this hustle that you've done here she was the same teacher that on a test one time it said like uh is the answer true or false and i wrote yes and then she let it pass she liked this because I was like well it is either true or false she liked that you were a free thinker yeah so she respected free thinkers

but I guess Ryan's mom was really mad dude Ryan's mom was mad so mad that he he probably was wearing a suit fuck DC too bro that's weird

you can't do that so you guys want to see me I'm on your side appreciate that you guys want to see a picture of me on my DC trip yeah

I have a dope ass photo of me on my DC trip? Yeah. I have a dope-ass photo of me on my DC. I just had to zipper. This is a thing. We didn't do this in my school. We didn't have the funding. My middle school. It's definitely the East Coast. I'm surprised that it was a thing for West Coasters.

My Washington middle school also had it, but I did not go. Oh, really? We went to the Denver Zoo, which is kind of like the White House. You know what I'm saying? I love intercourse. Oh, my I'm saying? I love Intercourse. Oh my God. Wow. I love Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

What? Is that a place? Dude, this is crazy. We went to Pennsylvania first, or we went to Intercourse, Pennsylvania first, and they had these shirts, and I'm in eighth grade, so I'm like, that's the coolest shirt I've ever seen. I mean, that shirt was great to have. All of this was purchased at a gift shop.

Dude, 2010 was such a wild ride for all of humanity. Look how tight I look. This is an insane photo. Yeah, you look tight. Like, you got the iPod Nano playing LMFAO. Definitely. Like, this has to be going through your head right now. I'm a legend.

Here's my question. Were you sorry for party rocking? Not a little bit, no. I'm glad to hear that this kid loved uh the lonely island uh he loved lmfao for sure um that's it that's all that's all he secretly had a green day poster up in his room uh but someone came one of his friends came over and made fun of him for it so he never told anyone again he had it but he didn't take it down oh that'll do it he still liked green yeah i still like green i also had a panic disco poster uh wow dude um you you tweeted about how you got made fun of for liking rodney mullen and it calibrated your shame

yeah meter what how did that go uh i just remember i just remembered like it wasn't when i was like super young because i was really really young rodney mullen was cool and then when i like started skating more and i was like i think rodney mullen's really cool all like the hardcore skaters were like oh you like the you like to stand up on your little skateboard inside and i'm like yeah it's cool and he's like oh you think it's cool and they all made fun of me because i couldn't fucking i like how your voice of an evil skater making fun of you sounds just like dawson. Yeah. One of the same. It was Dawson. It was Dawson.

I remember the joke was like kind of like exaggerated, but I think that like there was a, there was truth to the fact that like I got made of, I got made fun of for something that I thought was cool. It was like one of the first times in my life. I remembered that like, like you think this thing is like, like objectively cool.

And the people who are like hardcore in that thing think you're lame for that. And it's when the authority figures yeah stop i was like but he but he pogo sticks on a skateboard that's crazy do people make fun of ryan sheckler because i thought he was cool oh crying sheckler yes dude he uh he would cry a lot publicly which now it's kind of based when i think about it there's this girl hayley in high school loved brian sheckler and i and i was like all right let me let me take a look who is this guy and i pull him i'm like i can't look at his eyes he was he was in the bieber category where like girls loved him that means that guys hated him because he was like i guess not the poster image of like a general manly masculine stuff and but also it was kind of weird right because he was a good skateboarder so So it was like, he was like a professional skateboarder.

Like some people were on the thing of like, bro, Ryan Sheckler has a Red Bull ramp in his backyard. Isn't that cool? And some people were like, Oh, crying Sheckler. You like crying Sheckler? Oh yeah.

Pussy. What are you? A girl who thinks he's hot. His eyes are really pretty. A girl pussy in a tampon school that you go to. I thought crying Sheckler was cool. That makes sense because you're...

I secretly thought he was cool but made fun of him because I wanted to fit in because I was in seventh grade. I just thought he was cool because my sister

thought he was cool. See, Haley thought he was cool and I didn't even like skaters at that time so I was like, well, she's just cooler than me in general

and also he's really pretty so what can I do? I got made fun of on this trip. Wait, did you see? What they did? Why are you letting kids bully you i it was a it was a drive-by literally what they do they we were in this place called sparrows point which is in uh it i was confused at first they call it the bay but i was like what's panfrancisco like i don't understand where like what you're talking about um but it's like this uh neighborhood of like lake homes it's

the lake the giant lake right uh or no it's the chesapeake bay chesapeake okay and self-proclaimed the person we were visiting there called it a white white trash area and as we came in we did see a lot of white people with ponytails and tank tops and a lot of tattoos. You call them what they are. And police. Same thing. Steel making and ship building. Oh, so it's the people who are actually making shit, right? Yeah. Well, I mean... Oh, fuck them. Where do you think we'd be without, I don't know, steel?

I'm viewing a part, a rare part of America that I do not get to interact with normally. No, you've seen The Wire Season 2. You know people work on boats. It wasn't like The Wire season two there. They weren't Steve Doors. We were outside of Baltimore. They were not union people.

You're hanging out with NIMBY Smith. I'm not hanging out with NIMBY Smith. He's talking about how he hates these fucking white trash. I'm on a golf cart with somebody who's giving me a tour of this island area because apparently it's it's like a peninsula but sometimes it floods and it becomes an island and there's a bunch of like they not vacation homes but like lake homes there and stuff and we're going through the neighborhood getting

to tour this area and i every person you see is like outside at their house it's memorial day weekend and they all wave at you right right? So I'm fucking waving back. He does love to wave back. And we come through the neighborhood, and on the tail end of this one block is this group of, like, younger, they look like they're probably, like, 16. And as we drive by them, I hit them with the wave. You're waving back? No, I hit them.

I initiated the wave this time. I mean, like, you're starting waving now. I started the wave this time. Pathetic. And then one kid looks up mean, like, you're starting waving now. I started the wave this time. Wow. And then one kid looks up and just says, you look gay. But we just kept driving. So I had no way to... What were you going to do? I don't know.

I don't know what I would say. You want the chance at least. My moment just like passed. What balls have come in them? Loser. And then we just kept going. And it sat with me like the whole day. It sat with you?

Yeah, because I was like, they're right. They're right. I do look gay. I look so gay. Because I'm like, I'm fucking, I'm in my fucking short shorts and my fucking dyed hair. You know, I don't look like I would live in Sparrows Point Okay, but they knew an outsider was coming in To buy for a steel he's fucking lost

Give him a hard hat. He starts freaking out 16 year old steel. They make a ship They make a bit a shitty boat, but it can get to Spain. It floats. It's buoyant. It can get to Spain real fast. Just like I'm going to bake a fucking cake. You're not. Oh, that's this week, huh? He's in Master Baker trying to keep the throne alive for the yard.

Because you held it down. Yeah, I held it down. You have to win. He's not going to win. You made it to the finals, but you won the finals. You won the thing? I thought you lost. His jersey's in the rafters my shit spread

Hey, look up. You know where his number anymore You just look straight ahead. You know, you're fucked bro. I am fucked. I know nothing. Well, I thought I was fucked I know nothing and I'm not as funny as he is That's not the part that matters What matters is your baking skill and that's what you want me to say it again You want me to say it again? Are you relishing in that? No, I was literally visually relishing.

Yes, I was. You know what I did? You know what I did? While we were at that house on the island, we were with a group of people, and we were outside eating, and I showed, do you guys see that piece of art that somebody posted on the Reddit? They painted us, and it looks really, it's really nice. Yeah.

They did a really good job. And I showed it to the person whose house we were at. Her name was Melinda. And she went through the four of us on it and she clocked everybody for like who they are on the podcast. Wait, what? And she was like, she looked, but you know,

the piece of art that I'm talking about. No, but is it done? Does it not look like us? No, it looks exactly like us. She doesn't know. She has no clue who any of us are.

She doesn't know what the show is about. She has no context about any of this. She barely knows me. I would never bring up this podcast to a normie. I would never do this yeah so actually so our names are Ludwig, Nick, Slime and there's me of course

and uh you're fucking serious I'm the punching bag but Nick has a lot of zingers actually looking at these four who do you think we are oh actually let me explain everyone's personalities

well and then she said she pointed she pointed at Nick first He she was like he looks like the guy who's always cool and collected and just has like fire quips wrong wrong And then she pointed at him and he she was like he looks like the Charismatic ringleader, kind of the guy who brings it all together.

Johnny YouTube. Wrong. You can't say wrong. I mean, I don't know. What if they're wrong? I can't say that they're wrong. And then she pointed. Whoa!

She spit on it. She said, he looks fucking disgusting. I was like, hold on. That's cool you guys have a sewer man on your podcast. He looks like the evil villain of the show. And then she pointed at you and she said, he looks like he is the funniest of all of you. No way.

And then she pointed at you and said, gay. And then she said that I look like I would, what I'm doing, I look like I'm the most endearing and sincere Wow That I'm the most genuine What is this fucking It's on the reddit right now Before I talk about them we should just look at it

I look like Dude the Ludwig one looks weird I look like Awkwafina Dude Aiden looks like he's fucking 60 years old Dude, the Ludwig one looks weird. I look like Awkwafina. Dude, Aiden looks like he's fucking 60 years old. We're dogging this. It actually is very well done. This is great.

I don't know what good art is versus bad art. I think Aiden and Nick look good. I think I'm judging myself, but that's because I have tiny hands. I have a feeling that it was created by taking a photo and starting over the photo, but I love the anatomy of my arm, the way I hold coffee, because that's exactly how I do it. Yeah, it is how you do that. Hands are also difficult to draw.

I know that much. For AI, it's AI made. I was like, this person did an amazing job, because for this person to look at this and then pick each one of us out blindly and say exactly what we are on the show i was like that that's pretty fucking shout out new lucas arts i think that's taken by the way yeah you can't that is a popular lucas films painting

dude we have a uh we have a 50 year old fan did you guys know that yeah we have a few really yeah so this person reached out to me on twitter and i did i did enough like kind of like researching of the profile to kind of soft verify that this wasn't a troll but it's basically like my son is 50 years old and his name is tyson and you're his favorite on the yard wait my son so a seven-year-old it's like an older lady and i was like what she's like it's his birthday coming up 50th birthday can you like send me a video and i'm like yeah this is way more unique and like worth my time than someone sending me a picture like a bald monkey and i'm like yeah okay

i can do that and i sent this video i was like yo what's up tyson you're 50 that's crazy happy birthday and then I said and she was like thank you so much it made his day and all this shit and I'm like and I'm like 50 years old yeah when me and when me and lovey did the advice show together uh way back we had a 45 year old woman right in that's so interesting there's also a 58 year old viewer who watches my stream called Janet and her son is a watcher. And I think through that, she started watching and I called her out like just randomly one stream. Like I was like, fuck you, Janet.

No, I was like, remember that, that older woman, like I couldn't remember her name. She's like 50 or something. And then, uh, the guy reached out and he's like, wow, my mom was watching when you said that. I was like, that's crazy. That's good, man. That was a crazy coincidence. But yeah, I think there's older people who watch.

Do you think, what do they have to learn from us? I don't think it's learned. It's not always about learning, man. And I don't think we're teaching, to be honest here. It's not always about learning. It's like watching like four aunts like get on a Jolly Rancher for them. Like they're just kind of interested. They don't know what's going on or like what it means to the aunts.

But they're like. They love that one. They're like, they really like what they're doing. Yeah, my grandma tries to listen sometimes. That doesn't count as family. You also don't have to grow old and only watch the things that you watched when you were young and be like, yeah, fucking MASH. I just feel like this is particularly something. Come on, one more run through.

It's MASH Mondays. Everyone get in the fucking living room. This is a particularly like cross section of, you know, I say a specific demographic it is definitely ready to have somebody older yeah specific ideas that we talk about and there's someone who's 50 and it's like you are fucking so close to retiring i'm by the way so against when people ask me to make videos for people i am too but this man was 50 years old and i need to learn from him i did it one time it was this girlfriend. She was like, can you make a video for my boyfriend?

Like we've been dating for so many years. He loves you. Like it would really make his day. We're going to want to do it for his birthday. He's like turning 21. I was like something like that. I was like, great. I made this video for her and I, and I sent it to her. She's like, awesome. Made his day. Like great. Three months go by. But since I replied to her, the DMs open. So I get a dm i get like a notification i read it and it was like hey can you actually go on stream and say fuck you like what jared he cheated on me i was like what the fuck go through all this effort fucking jared ends up

cheating i mean that's what happens i gotta say it though you gotta say fuck you did you do it that's what your fans do bro well i brought up that story and now i will never ever do another shout out because you didn't say fuck him no i think i. Well, I brought up that story, and now I will never, ever do another shout-out because of Jared. But you didn't say, fuck him. No, I think I did. I think I brought up the story and said, hey, Jared, you've ruined this for everybody. Okay, good. Yeah.

That's tight. Because you would have been pro-cheating if you didn't. He's in a legendary group of Jareds that have messed up in a large way. Yeah. Him. The other guy. And then. I can't even think of another Jared.

Wait, really? Wow. Well, I can. Oh, the guy from Subway. Be fresh, dude. I wasn't thinking of it who are you thinking of oh he was thinking of it Jared Fogle equally evil two Jareds two evil Jareds snakes in the path I hate when you start talking you like me man you like me dude, man. You like me, dude. You like me, man. You like me. Oh, man. I didn't like his stream last night.

That game tells me. But your shoulders look great. You think so? Yeah. That's so nice of you to say. You were talking about me and Cutie were watching your shoulders look good. Cutie said my shoulders look good. Well, she brought it up first.

She messaged me and said, here's a picture of Ludwig. Streams are great. Your shoulders look huge. I pulled up the stream and she was like, well, shoulders look great. And I looked up at your shoulders because I was watching your shitty gameplay and I was like, damn, your shoulders do look good. And then I saw you place a trip and then walk in front of the trip and then die.

Bro, I've been telling him about that. We talked about it in the war room. We talked about the push-ups. We've already talked about this a hundred times. You're not going to learn from it because you just shouldn't play Cypher. You should play Duelist. No, you're a stupid asshole because on B-site, I was electric. You weren't. Was he electric on B, you're a stupid asshole cuz on B site. I was electric you weren't Much more normally on B site. Yeah, he didn't push that's what he did that was good like he waited for them to hit the trip and then he peaked and he killed them and then he

both sides. I'm on my... He's doing the monkey noise of the... Dude, he does, like, real monkey noises. Like, when I do, like, a monkey impression, it's like a cartoon monkey. Like, you watch so many monkey videos, you do, like, the actual monkey noises. Yo, God, you know who's really good at animal noises? Maya pisses me off.

She comes over. That makes sense. That makes sense. No, but she does perfect Ders and Coots impressions. Oh, that's funny. So she'll meow, and I've walked in before being like, what's up, Ders? And then it's Maya laughing at me. It's fucking Maya.

She's also eating cat food. She's eating cat food like, you fucking dumb bitch. I ate all the cat food in the house. Fooled you. She refused to eat the cat food. That's so cringe of her. I ate the cat food. What, she's afraid of horse? It's apparently just like

very low, low, low grade. Am I afraid of horse? She doesn't like horse meat. She doesn't like it. Russians eat horses. They do. It's traditionally what Japanese people do.

You get a horse when you're 16 and you eat him when you're 20. Yeah, and his name is Borscht. Borscht the horse. The horse. The horse. Borscht borscht the horse yeah the horse the horse

yeah same word and then you get your russian horse and you love him and then you have to cook him for a horse yeah i don't give a fuck would you eat whale whale yeah i think yes but ethically i would i would be shaking my head the whole time i would be eating whale way before i eat horse what i i just i. It's more ethical to eat whale than horse. They're endangered. Oh, because of their... I thought we were just talking about like... Gross. Do you think of equally okay populations

which one you're more likely to try? Oh, whale. Yeah, I like seafood more. All seafood when it's on the plate, I'm like, that's just a fish. I don't care which one. Give me... There's a credit card in there and I'm gonna eat it's just a fish. I don't care which one. Give me, look, there's a credit card in there and I'm gonna eat it. We have fish in a lower cast than other animals. Yeah, because they're idiots.

It's a mammal, bro. It's not a fish. It's literally not a fish. A whale is not a fish. I'm just saying all seafood, when I eat it, I go that's a fish. I didn't think about this. No, because I like Nick, I conflate it for just all fishies. If it's in the sea, it's a fishy. Yeah, but it's still... I'm agreeing with you that I'm wrong.

He is agreeing with you. I went to the aquarium this weekend. Wrong! This is what lovely plays to you, Gesser. When you talk about one country. I went to the aquarium in Baltimore and I had a good time. You sound like you had the most normie weekend.

I did and it was great. Normie weekends are great. I had a good time. You sound like you had the most normie weekend. I did, and it was great. Normie weekends are great. I had a nice weekend. Dude, we should get Rainbow on the podcast, but then we invite him to the set, which is actually just an undisclosed location that we lock him in a box, and all he has is a peephole outside.

And to get out, he has to find out where he is. Or we kill him. Or we kill him with guns and weaponry. No, no, no. It spikes lower from the ceiling like Mortal Kombat. Into the box. And he has to solve it

in time and then we stop the spikes. Basically, we want to put Rainbolt in a saw trap. The peephole, he gets smaller and smaller and the spikes

get closer and closer. Yeah. Oh no, and he has to look out the peephole but if he looks too long like it gouges his eye out. I don't think he does.

And it plays the noise when you're playing Zelda and you're on low hearts the whole time. I hate that fucking noise. It plays the music that it plays in Sonic when you're about to drown. Yeah. But it's super loud and then Raybull's like Oh I'm in Kosovo. Yeah he just looks like he was. He's like I'm in Kosovo.

Easy I'm in Utah. You guys also used the wrong map. The Saw guy would be so pissed. Who? The Saw guy. Like Jigsaw. I guys also used the wrong map. The Saw guy would be so pissed. Who? The Saw guy. Like... Jigsaw. I thought you said the Saw character. He would be mad because he's like, oh, Rainbolt's too good. Dude, I did watch his video on...

He fought against like a Stanford-trained AI in GeoGuessr. And it's like... The AI is like amazing at GeoGuessr. And he beats it in a game. Let's go. It's pretty crazy. He loses most of the games, but he beats it in one. You love getting your one. What was crazy is how quickly they made that AI, game. Let's go. It's pretty crazy. He was the games, but he beats him one Yeah, you love getting your what's crazy is how quickly they made that AI to oh yeah two months So like they don't it'll just like it's like the guy in the Alpha Goat documentary

Yeah, I do I admittedly forget his name, which is disrespectful, but he wins one game But then that is the only game a human has ever won because the AI can't retire sir. He's like I got one He doesn't know he's the only one ever win one. That's what you got to do you win one. You're like. I'll never play an AI again It's actually boring now for me. Yeah I've solved it away. Guess I climbed that mountain What what why remember what is it? The video that mr. Bees leaked on the show came out. It did.

Did you guys watch it? I haven't yet. I wanted to watch the stream. The guy in the circle, right? You watched it? I watched it. No, it's the 1 through 100. Remember people aged 1 through 100 years old?

Yeah, did you pitch that? No, no. He pitched this. We pitched Edith Tyre. And then for some reason people have conflated like we gave him this idea when we gave him nothing but filth Yeah, that's a bad idea

Our idea was good, our idea was good, that's it, that holds up That's a good short, it's a good short It's at least a good short, you're a shorts guy now I am a shorts guy, that's a good short Cause it's got a short story beat to it, you know, it's like there's a narrative Does he eat the tire or not? I don't think this is a spoiler for that video, but I thought the end and the way they set it up was really, really smart.

Whoa! Yes. I did too. It's not a spoiler. I haven't seen it yet, guys. It's not a spoiler. I think spoiler. Hey, can I be brave?

Can I stand up and be the guy in the corner? Yeah, sit down. Be brave for us. Spoiling YouTube videos is okay. Okay, I'll do it then. No! What if it's a YouTube video that is the results of the

Boston Celtics versus the Miami Heat game 7, but you couldn't watch it because you're at work? Spoiling that is okay because you weren't there. The Boston Celtic is a robot. They do a lot of robot content. If you watch the highlights on YouTube and you spoil that YouTube video, is that okay? Wait, can I just

say what game they played? You can't tell me what age one. That's all I care about. I would never say that part. I would never say that part. At the end, the winning team gets 500 grand, Anthony. Okay. Half a million dollars. And the last two people left, they give them both a suitcase. And one has the check for 500 grand and one doesn't.

And then he lets one person open their case and see what they have. And the other person has to decide if they want to switch based on knowing what they're doing. And they can ask them questions. It's hype. I think that while this video is one of his best concepts ever, it is the most skippable video

ever where you skip through it. I went to the middle then to the end. I just watched the ending. It's crazy. Fuck you! It got a lot of views apparently. It was a juicy video. It got like 34 million in the first 20 hours of shit. I will spoil. The one year old.

Stop. One year old doesn't win. One year old doesn't win. I'm going to tell you who wins unless you directly say you want to go to Olive Garden. Kill yourself. All right. That's rude. Here we go.

I'll never buckle to a terrorist. I'll never buckle to a terrorist actually one was the was the you can spoil it I'll spoil some for you you're never 40 years old season 40 year old one oh that was mean though I'll never he deserved it but he deserved it I can't plan today no all I wanted you was just tell me that you want to go to Olive Garden with me. Yeah, you wanted me through threats to do something with you. That's what a relationship is. It's not.

Floor wife, floor wife, come and tell me you want to go to the floor. Olive Garden, me, you, you. We're getting a tour of Italy. Four of them, actually, because Zipper's there, too. You're going to be streaming. You're just saying I don't get to go to Italyaly you're not oh no getting the tour of italy at olive garden it's a dish i'll just go myself yeah have fun we won't tell you which location and there's like a thousand locations in the u.s i mean they won't we're gonna go to one in

weird places nebraska olive garden anyway thank you for watching The Yard, everybody. Episode 99. We're one away from 1,000. Nope. 90. Wow. We should just skip. We should just skip and... We're catching up to Rogan. We're catching up.

If we don't hit 100, we go to A. You made it this far in the episode, Archie. Here's a discount code. Put it right here, Archie. For a random website. And you have to guess which one it is and go type it in for a thousand dollars, right? You get a thousand dollars with the code now to the website. So go to the website with that code It could be bud K and you can get yourself a cool sword. Thank you for watching

Hey, we're gonna do the premium episode now in the patreon So no, no, wait, wait, he has to pee. I wish I go a little longer I wish we could pee in the yard for real. Let it go a little longer. You know what? No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't leave! Okay, go to the premium episode.

No, don't pee on me, bro. Don't pee on me. Go to the premium episode. We're going to go to the episode. Goodbye now. Go to it right now.