The Yard - Ep. 99 - We Forced Slime To Go 30-Days Without Banning.

Episode Date: June 7, 2023

This week, the boys talk about who survives the longest on survivor, solving the office poop mystery, and how Slime has reformed during no ban June...

🎵 Some of us don't need to eat. What? Some of us are plants. No, none of us are plants. I'm actually just a plant, like put me in the sun. And like... Put me in the sun. And like... Put me in the sun.

And what happens? What happens to a plant in the sun? They eat. They grow. They eat the sunlight. It eats it. It takes photos or something. They swallow it like Cheez-Its.

They fester. They don't fester. You're also not done eating. I don't think they swallow it like Cheez-Its. Don't eat it like that. That's the weird thing to swallow. Do you think anything that was said was good? You said take photos.

He said swallow like Cheez-Its. He said fester. Yeah, that's what they do. Okay, plant it like that. It's a weird thing to swallow. Do you think anything that was said was good? You said take photos. He said swallow like Jesus. He said fester. Yeah, that's what they do. Okay, plant expert Ludwig, go. Okay, tell me what chlorophyll is right now. So you get your stoma, right? What? That's what a plant has.

It's called the stoma. And that's if they smoke too much. Yeah. And then they use photosynthesis. Stogma these. To change sunlight in into chloroform. That's literally exactly what I said, and it's annoying because you're just saying what I said, but you're at it differently. And we can do that.

You know what I mean? This is literally just, you AI generated my essay. You know how I had that revelation where batteries are crazy that one time? Yeah. And I was like, whoa, batteries are crazy. You have to really think about a battery. It's crazy. I did that revelation where batteries are crazy that one time. Yeah. And I was like, whoa, batteries are crazy. You have to really think about a battery. It's crazy. I did that again.

Once with batteries. And then next with Venus fly traps. It is crazy. It's like, do they have a brain? Do they? These are high thoughts. Science Twitter. No.

These are high thoughts. I think as a sober person, we should wonder. It doesn't have a brain. Well, I mean, don't like, let me try to figure it out on my own, I feel like. It just has nerves it reacts to, maybe. These are high thoughts. These are high thoughts, yeah. You know what?

You know who also had high thoughts? Marcus Aurelius. Dendron Franklin. You know Marcus Aurelius. You've done your Roman history. Yeah. Boy, ganging them. He was chief in Roman weed.

He wrote a little journal when he was chief in Roman weed, I guess. And he was like, dude, food is just like animal carcass, and purple clothes is just like crab blood that we're putting on clothes to diet. Yeah. That's some age-old weed thoughts. Yeah. So you've been having the same thoughts they've been having for 2K years. To diet. Yeah, that is that's some age-old weed thoughts. Yeah, so You know the same thoughts they would have the 2k use This the weed thoughts from the 1800s. It's like Whoa, dude our slaves are people

These guys are fucking people Holy this is bad. Yo, what if a woman voted? Yo. Dude, Meso American societies used to eat mushrooms all the time. And there's like documented,

like of them just going on mushroom trips and being like, we're all just beads on the string, man. Like we're all the same, dude. It's really funny. And that's why they were so advanced and that's why they rip people's heart out on top of the pyramid which we should do at the wedding

i don't think we should do that i do think there's a lot of human sacrifices i'm reading a lot about this because there's some big drama with mesoamerica on twitter how do you? There's a Mesoamerican, like... Oh, a Meso tweet? All right, we're canceling the Aztecs. This is like those fake tweets. Those fake historical tweets. It's like just taking historical figures and having them have Twitter beef. Is this what you're talking about? No, there's like a game that was coming out,

and it was like, defend the Aztecs from the Raiders. Spaniards. From the Spaniards. Yeah. Yeah, the Gollum game. And that was like the... Wait, is Gollum just representative

of what Spaniards look like? Yeah, the Gollum is... That's what Cortez looks like. He just wanted yummy gold for his yummy little weird head. And then the Twitter historians popped out and they're like, actually the Spaniards barely did anything

to the Aztecs. It was like fighting with a different group of people called like some of the T. I don't know. So they changed the game. They just straight up changed the game. They're like, pick either side. Well, also, the way the Aztec pyramids looked were really like boring and gray. And people are like, well, it actually doesn't look like this.

Here's what it does look like. Yeah. And that was another thing. So they they changed it they made it more historically accurate and then they're like you know what pick either side you can be the raider or you can defend and then everyone's like i don't want to be the raider i don't want to be the guy who raped and pillaged yeah yeah why would i want to be that and then the second layer of that is like oh you want to be the mesoamericans who had slaves and sacrificed people. And then everyone's like, wh-

It's like moral high grounding over people from thousands of years ago who did some fuck shit. I can't believe these people from the 1400s do not fit into our modern moral framework. Oh no. This sucks. If I didn't have like a computer and Valorant and like sanitation and stuff, I might go pillage, I don't know. You think you would pill Valorant like sanitation stuff. I might go pillage. I don't know Do you think you would pillage? I'd be bored. You would not pillage.

I would- I would- I would- He would not. He would have no- Bro would be the most pillaged home in all of- Oh my god, yeah. He would have the most pillaged home by far. Cause he'd let everyone into it. No. He wouldn't have a floor. He wouldn't have a floor. He would not have a floor. A royal eunuch. I'd be a royal eunuch. And we know this. Yeah. You would be. Yeah, that'd be me tell you'd be a palace eunuch so the something

else one of the old civilizations did which is i think it was the assyrians they there was such bad juju sometimes that they would the king or like the the master or whatever would go and hide and then they'd have a fake king that was a eunuch and they would just leave him there and absorb all the bad energy and he would just live as the king for like 180 days and they'd fucking kill him it wouldn't even notice anything besides dying dude that's like when i play blackjack and then i just say out of the hands yes it's exactly like that and then it's like let's let the bad juju of this deck fall out and then slime loses all of his money and then you step back in and you're like all right i kill slime and then i step back in you shoot me head in, all right. I kill Slime, and then I step back in and you see.

You shoot me in the casino, and I fall to the ground, and you're like, all right, let's get this money. That's like the moment I always realize I have a blackjack addiction is when I just don't play a hand, and I look around, and I'm like, I feel so much better. Oh my god, I have nothing invested in what's going on right now. This feels so good. See, that's different, because if I am not playing and i don't have it's like there's no sweat like i can sweat my friends but like i want it i want in yeah that's how i feel before i've started playing but if i sit out of hand it's like sobering dead to me in get dead

to me in dead to me in by the way to pay update everyone if you didn't see on twitter uh i i have to grow my hair out for like a month i Give us a little try. Give us a little try. Obviously, see, I have no shade. It honestly looks like it's growing pretty good. Yeah. It's growing pretty,

I mean, my sides grow really fast. It's giving Zidane. What is that? That, thank you. He was the monkey main character from Final Fantasy IX.

Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. That's what he was talking about. That's right. He used thief swords. That monkey was also a great French soccer player. Headbutt, an Italian. I remember that Everybody remembers the headbutt but not-

Dude I took over E-bombs world for like three years. Yeah I was gonna say. It was like the only thing on the website Devastating as a young French boy. So I am getting the sides. Basically I have to grow out the sides French 9-11 He's got a red card He's just got the second red card. I didn't even know he was French You know that was last do you know that that was his last game ever? He said he was that fucking last game He will ever play professionally. He's like fuck it. We ball. I'm gonna break this guy's heart through his ribcage Imagine if he died

Hard that would be a cultural moment. Dude, what's the thing? If you hit somebody in the sternum just right, their heart will stop. That's what happened to that football player. No, no, no. It's in Donnie Darko. Your ghost comes out, and it's the path that you go to. Yeah.

The five-finger death punch from Gil Bill. And then you shit your pants and die like Dave Carradine did. You got a movie for this Oh, that's how Houdini died. Yeah, that's not a movie. That was a real guy. They made a movie about it called Houdini Did they look it up Houdini movie? It's again. I don't think magicians ever die you could have said the prestige But you did it a survey says Houdini being a movie zipper do you really think I'm wrong on this are you for real bang? It's called Houdini being a movie zipper. Do you really think I'm wrong on this? Wait, you for real? Bang! It's called Houdini

1953! Like you knew that! You piece of shit! I am a film student I love you Sally Houdini! Shit dispensers Water tank and flute by his head Welcome back to the art It's episode 99.

Is it really? It's 99. Episode 100. One away from our final episode. We did it. Yeah. That's what I was thinking. What if we just hit 100

and we walked? I think when we quit, it should be without warning. That'd be hard. And we also have to all die. It should be without warning to each other. There should be a bomb.

We don't know. So basically one person kills the other three? Yeah. Yeah. So he doesn't show up. decides when we die.

Okay. What if it's a coup? What if we have a coup and one of us kills the other three and then we replace the other three? Hold on.

And it's Wizzy, Olivia Rodrigo, and Vice President Joe Biden. Yeah. Wizrobe? Okay. Did I stutter? Olivia Rodrigo? hold on and it's whizzy olivia rodrigo yeah and vice president joe yeah like it's a very i haven't heard the name in a while oh wow okay like that it's not like that it's like it wasn't mizzy's more popular these days mizzy miz kiff Who's Mizzy? You don't know Miz? He's the British guy. The prankster. Oh, yeah, yeah. And he was on that news show. Yeah. And the news guy was like,

get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. There's this British prankster who just was doing pranks where he walks into people's homes. Oh. Yeah, you just walk into your house. And he just went to the front of a train and just started touching the buttons. Oh, yeah, yeah. I saw that one. It was like real life GTA. Yeah. Yeah. I say, yeah, that's hard. It's not hard. He's a real fucker. Is he a fucker? He's really, I think he's a real fucker.

I think it's cool to press buttons on a train and it might be dangerous. I don't think they do anything. I think it's time we expose conductors. I wish we would, I wish we'd go back to an era where we walk into homes and touch buttons on trains without the need for cameras, I guess. Michael Moore did this in Bowling for Columbine. He did this bit where he went and walked into Canadian people's homes and was like, look, everyone's really nice here. And it was like some sort of statement about, I don't know, gun violence in America after Columbine shooting. And it didn't really make sense now that I think about it. But we all ate it up.

Also not safe to just intrude in people's humps In Canada it is He proved it It depends on the prefecture but it's mostly chill Prefecture Tag yourself on the sketch one In the Fukuoka prefecture of Canada How'd you know Fukuoka?

Huh? How'd you know Fukuoka? Wait what? What documentary you watch? I don't watch? I watch documentary We mean you just Know you could not show me on a map all 50 states So you have no business knowing about fukuoka Japan you don't think he can hit all 50 no shot name Japan you don't think he can hit all 50 no shot name the baron baron baron the red baron yeah i'm red baron what's up brent you look good man where'd you get that dope ass jacket bro

it's from across one of my favorite artists that's so tight what do you are you a favorite artist are you a journalism major yeah i just said one of my favorites you've many favorite artists yeah i probably have like a i mean mean, Snail House, right? No, Snail House is not in the top five. That's fucked up. When do you listen to music? I'm always surprised when you tell me about a song you like, because I feel like you don't listen to music. He's probably top five right now.

Mac DeMarco? Do you like Salad Days the most? Did you know that? No. Did you know Mac DeMarco's Canadian? Yeah, you told me this last time we talked about this, because I couldn't name an American artist, and I kept thinking Canadians. Yeah, that's great.

I've been big on music because I'm walking. I haven't found a new podcast that I like and I haven't found like... So you don't like The Daily? Daily was fire today. It's not bad. I occasionally listen to it. Today, this one was fire. I walk for two hours every day. We are talking about

Ludwig's music. You walk for two hours every day. We are talking about Ludwig's music. You walk for two hours every day? Yeah. That's wild. I hear we're talking about this. I have to walk 10k steps every day. I have an ongoing bet with a guy named American Pete who lives in Japan. A little confusing, I know. His name is American Pete. And the bet is 70k

steps a week, and if you don't hit it, you have to buy the winner a ticket to your country. Your side of the bargain is so much worse. steps a week and if you don't hit it you have to buy the winner a ticket to your country. Here's what else you need to know today. Your side of the bargain is so much worse because he will walk for two hours in his day every day just to be in Japan. Yeah, no. So

initially I was fighting a losing battle. You should have used your time odds. But they're hitting monsoon season. So you're sending me video updates of him like in the pouring rain. Like fuck you man. Like fuck you you this fucking sucks out here and it's like just literally coming down American Pete is a gaijin

and let's talk about sex tourism so you're telling me she's 1500 and it's not weird to jerk your shit there's poop in the underwear and you when you put the yen in and you turn in now sabrina what's your take on it

i mean yeah michael it is there's poop michael doesn't even make sense anymore i'm a japanese expert uh karen uh wajilakati k Karen that's an NPR name keep going and I'm in I'm in Japan and I've been stationed here for 8 years

from NPR working on overseas stories and I got like a shit zoom call audio it's like yeah Michael

it's basically yeah it is there's poop on in the underwear and you pay for it

and that's pretty much it you know people love doing this. So you're saying that they... People all over Japan are buying the poopy. They're buying poop. And to the 40 people who listen to The Daily,

scene. Great. It's a great episode. So that was The Daily section of our podcast. Next up, we're going to do Planet Money. And stick around, we'll do a come time one. You know who does the worst fucking brain rot accent these days? Which I think is not a good

channel, because everyone always talks about how bad he is. It's economics explained. He's an Australian guy, but he ends every inflection with like, and so when the economics of Australia are like this. This is pretty accurate. He does sound like it.

And it's like, what the fuck's going on? Like, who taught you that this is important? I bet if he talked chill, more people wouldn't understand him. Like, if he talked in his natural voice, you'd just be lost. I don't think that's true. I think it is. The thing about Rob. I think those thick Australian accents are so thick.

He said it perfectly. Yeah, I know. It's weird. Fuck. I don't know. Brain said it perfectly. Yeah, I know. It's weird. Fuck. I don't know. Brain rot. You got a brain rot voice. He's got a brain rot voice.

It's not called a brain rot voice. It is a brain rot voice. It's a bit of a brain rot voice, a little bit, yeah. It's enunciating for the camera. How? For the camera. For the camera. I enunciate.

And, you know, I know what you're thinking. I always enunciate. Just be fucking normal. Impression Perry, can you shut the fuck up? I had a lot of coffee today. Can you do Spongebob? Spongebob? Yeah.

Why is it so good? That was weirdly good. So we have a bet going. Me and American Pete, 70k steps a week. American Pete, the sex tourist. American Pete. I want to see what he's got going on. American Pete.

In his shoes. So hard to get through his head since he C6. And 10k steps a day. Because we're always on our phones. 10k steps a day is about two hours of walking. Okay. Which is a lot. Well yeah, it was on your Instagram story. I was like, because you were like, I have to do this bet, and then you posted later

it's 14 miles walked, and you were like, this took all day. And I'm like, what the fuck is he doing? I was in Dallas and you don't walk in Texas. It's just not a thing. You just can't walk anywhere. And so I was, I was 27 K steps short on the final day. And so I just woke up and my whole goal was to walk 27 K steps. And it took me the entire day. It was all I did that day. You listen to music. I listen to a lot of music. I listen to a good chunk of audiobooks, some podcasts. No culture.

Bro, just attach that shit to Swift and just make a loud noise. It'll give you 12k steps in a couple minutes. That is what he also sent me. He said, I bet you're just tying your Fitbit to coots and calling it a day. But no, I'm doing it. legs are sore i tried running i thought i thought i could do a marathon i can't i can't i really thought before saturday that i if i had to do a marathon

would just get it done i would just keep i would keep my legs running i would just keep running and say why stop running if you want to finish the marathon you finish because you just keep running till it's over now. And then I went to a track, middle school track. No kids were there. And I started running. Why did you look at me? So much was weird.

What I feel like is weird is that I can't get through a goddamn sentence without getting interrupted. I feel like that one is fair. Usually I like the yard, but when they interrupt each other constantly, it's like really distracting. And this episode was probably one of the worst. I want to hear what Ludwig was going to say about all those kids not being there. No kids. Reddit post. Had to hop a fence to get over that middle school fence.

You trespassed? I trespassed a middle school. Because it was a weekend. And then noticed there was no kids around. Well, I knew that before I trespassed. You're like, oh, shit. Fuck. No, I knew that before. I knew that before.

I trespassed. Because you were hanging onto the chain link fence. Just lurking. Look at a six foot chain link fence like this. And I started running around the track, thinking I would just keep going until I do my 27K steps. Right. Which is about a half marathon.

Three miles in, I quit. Really? I just couldn't. I didn't want to run. My is about a half marathon. Three miles in, I quit. Really? I just couldn't. I didn't want to run. My legs weren't. It's because you're too much meat. You got too much bones on you. I'm all right.

How much do you think I weigh? 100,000 pounds. Dude, dude. I get this on the dot. 182. 178. You guys are crazy. He weighs 188 pounds.

I'm 184. I was 181 at my lowest, but I think right now I'd just say it'd be 184 clean. That's crazy. And so I started running three miles. Couldn't do anymore. Started walking. Yeah. Just spent the day walking.

I mean, you got to practice. I know. You think you earn everything just to get everything for free in this world. It's because I saw this fucking video from this dumbass YouTuber and now I realize YouTubers are liars and cult leaders. YouTubers are liars.

And it said, uh, I ran a marathon in Heelys. And it was this guy who'd never run a marathon and he did it in Heelys. Every video of I ran a marathon in X, they never do it. No, he did it. Well, he did do it. He did it.

It took him like nine hours, but he did it. And he ran a marathon in Heelys. And his feet were really fucked up. And his feet were rancid. They were gross British feet. Gross little British feet. Were they gross before? They had bad teeth.

I feel like you're implying the feet had bad teeth before he ran. I never got to see the teeth before, but I assume they were gross. Toe nails are feet teeth. Yes. And never got to see the teeth before, but I assume they were gross. Toenails are feet teeth. Yes, and they got worse. That is confirmed fact from science. And I saw him do it, and I thought, well, that would be true. You go to the encyclopedia of discoveries of science by nations. It's like Great Britain.

It's one page. Toenails are feet teeth. Toenails are feet. And it's a hand-drawn British flag. It's like dave was here from nice bridge lol dude i found a uh this happened to me in target and i was i i genuinely i was like this might be the day i go down it was a i saw a guy and i'm in the self-jacket line of mine paper towels i

got a shitload I got the brawny it's really big and I'm holding on to it and I walk up and there's like a line for self-checkout and it kind of wraps around and I look and there's this guy with just giant big purple hair right from the back I'm looking at him like oh that's crazy purple hair that's huge it's like big and frizzy and then I start scanning this person and i noticed the shoes they're like big yellow like kingdom hearts shoes and they're like dirty like clown shoes they're like clown yes they're clown shoes okay and they're like dirty meaning like he wore them a lot and then i start scanning upward and it's like okay now he's wearing like a he's wearing like a leather jacket as well and i'm

like okay this is kind of cool and then the guy yeah he took out his cable it's like it's like kingdom hearts but then it turns around this guy's wearing a full-on like really detailed full face rubber clown mask with like purple hair attached and he's just staring at me dude it was so weird and this is in fucking target and he he basically looks like a battle clown he looks like he was someone who the joker recruited to be in his gang to like rob a bank yeah and i'm looking at him and he's just staring at me and i'm like trying not to be a pussy so i'm just looking at him instead of like looking away right like it's an alpha it's an alpha clown situation and he's just looking at me but i can't tell if he's looking at me because

like his eyes are inside the mask right so it's just a clown looking at my face this is a target where everyone's being normal this is during the weekend and and then he just turns around slowly he's got like arm tats and shit and he's got i forget what he's had his hand and i was like this guy is like if this target ends up on the news like this is why dude just run Fucking run out the door has anything nefarious plan just run. He's got fucking clown shoes I wasn't even a clown was probably a liberal who bottle of pride clothes Yes! You probably thought he was a clown because they all have purple hair. Dude, he was buying Bud Light pussy!

He was buying a Bud Light factory and then he also was buying the gay clothes. He was buying a big gay Bud Light beard cam. Oh, gay clothes, Bud Light, fucking big shoes. It was crazy, dude. He was probably looking at you because he wanted to kiss you. And even the guy who was administering the self-checkout, you know, was like the person that handles it. He was just like, yo, like the outfit, man. Like, he was trying to like

break the tension. You know, he was basically going, hey, what's up? You're really cool, man. I always thought you were really cool. He was trying to get the don't come to Target message. Randomly, I'm actually excited for school tomorrow. I have a weird feeling school's gonna be fucking dope tomorrow.

Do you feel the same way, or you feel differently? Oh, man, and I just kept thinking, I was like, if this guy, like, pulls out a fucking with the Switch, and he just starts going to town, because that's what, like, Run! I know, you run, obviously, but I was like, man, like,

If you finally show up in the clown costume, and, like, have planned to do a shooting, but you go, like, all the way through getting your products first, and you end up just, like, buying toothpaste. And you up in the clown costume and like have planned to do a shooting, but you go like all the way through getting your products first. Yeah, you end up just like buying toothpaste. And you get in the line. Another thing a fucking YouTuber's done in a marathon, clown shoes. Really? Yeah.

Mr. Beast is. This is a pandemic. It's a plandemic with these guys. That's what I'm saying. They probably got Bud Light poured out of my Gatorade at the end. Mr. Beast, I miss your yeast infection. That's what he wants everyone to have in America. He wants everyone to have yeast infections.

I don't know where that came from. I don't know what COVID is. This episode of Mr. Beast is brought to you by suppositories. I gave all my friends a yeast infection. I infected all my friends' pussies for no reward. Chandler, stick the suppository up your ass now.

Wait, can you get a yeast infection? Whoa, it's in my ass. Can you get a yeast infection in your butt? Is it just your dick? Or is it kinda anywhere? I don't know! Beastables! If there's a hole there's a yeast infection. People can develop yeast infections inside and outside of their body

including the anus. They should make the feastable double as a suppository. Who do you think has Go back, go back Zipper. Who do you think has the yeast infection in this picture? This stock photo? It's definitely her. No, it's both of them. No, he's just sleeping.

She'd be like, oh, he has a yeast infection. He has the infection. He has the infection. She's like, I can't peg you right now. He does look infirm. Wait, is he asleep and she's waking up in the morning and saying, fuck, I have a yeast infection? It's a stock image. It's a stock image. It's a stock image, but it's the one that gave...

Anal yeast infection, symptoms... We're talking about Aiden for the audio viewers. If one had one, how would you solve it? First shingles, then an anal yeast infection. You're a hive of disease. For episode 100. I will re-get shingles But also double it Anal yeast infection bells

Double my shingle Double your shingles And you give it to the next person It just cuts to you rubbing Eventually someone dies From shingles And you keep doubling it Yeah you can die from shingles

Yeah you get full body shingles And then toxic mega I survived a life threatening Elvis. Is it like the symbiote from Star, uh, Super Starman. Aiden's a survivor. Oof.

You ever think about that? Aiden's like a survivor. That's really sick. I'm a survivor. He's the closest of any of us to a pirate. We're on survivor.

Who lives the longest? Me. But in this survivor, like you stay till you die. Or you can quit. Is it filmed? It is filmed. Is it like the show? until you die. Or you can quit. Is it filmed?

It is filmed. It's just Survivor, yeah. Okay, you're being an asshole. You, like, ask a question, and then he's asking a couple questions to clarify, and then you're like, No, because I was losing it. I think it's Survivor, the show. Okay, I think Slime wins.

Boom. Okay, now it's Alone, the Discovery show, where we're all put somewhere in the Great North, and we have to live there as long as possible. And you don't know how long the other people are lasting, but the last one to tap out wins $100,000 million. Oh, so someone could have already won, but they just keep going? Yeah. Oh, that is actually...

I think they tell you when you've won, but you don't know how many people have dropped out. Oh, I see. Me. I think they tell you when you've won, but you don't know how many people have dropped out Me well Aiden probably like gets married to like an elk or something so he might find a life Ains out Ludwig lovely would just I think is there a sunset you see the sunset yeah, there's a beautiful sunset Love it would just I think is there a sunset you see the sunset yeah, there's a beautiful sunset He's not too much shit. He's a too much shit. He talks shit, and he goes I'm gonna dust you fucking guys And then like in two hours. He's like I'm done. I was stuck in the studio I don't agree because

Because of master Baker is he won master Baker, okay? We're gonna get to that in a moment I do agree though because you literally went to our gym and you went this is a prison gym i couldn't lift here which i thought was the bougiest thing you've ever said i did i said we need a cable machine and you agreed i do agree i feel like i do lift here i would imagine you say like whoa it's like a prison gym cool yes exactly who the fuck are you i'm saying he's changed wait no dude you're not can you actually give the adults one second? Can you actually put your hands over your ears? No, because he's lying.

I'm being serious. I want your hands over your ears. It's gonna be gross. He lied about what he said. For the show and for me, please. It's the hair. Oh. It's the hair. It's turning him to a different guy. It's like the opposite of Samson from the bible Alright you can uncover

You're good What did you say I was wrong I didn't say anything I said it's like Samson from the bible What does that mean You used that clue That's all I said

It's like a crossword puzzle What I said after the prison thing was like Actually those guys in prison are fucking swole because they don't have cable machines. Yeah. And that's what I was trying to say so bad. And you literally didn't let me finish. The love machine just drops the coins.

That's insane. You did win, Master Baker, though, which we all think is impressive. I think it's way more impressive now I'm sorry I didn't let you prove you like prison yeah you should've

and in conclusion slime would definitely still not last as long as me I don't think that's true you win? wait you didn't let me finish I win

come on buddy why do you win? come on come on grit there's also no video games I don't need video games I just quit them I've done them before

I'll do it again I don't I don't win you don't win you don't need video games i just quit them i i've done it before i don't i don't win you don't win you don't win you could win i do win i think it's you and me top two and then you you end up being like actually like i gotta i haven't made a mogul melon forever and brain worms are getting to me and i don't have if i heard this conversation before the competition i would win it if i didn't i would lose it from spite i would yeah i think would lose it. From spite? From spite. I would. I could garner more spite than any of you.

I still beat you with spite. No shock. You with spite, I still win. You try to lay down on the ground in the ground with a bit of ice and you go, I hate this.

No. You wouldn't have a space heater. No, because I'd be, I have more spite power than you and you have more of a life than I do. You guys all have lives that you need to get back to.

I was born for the wild. It's like the saddest reason. I do. I have all have lives that you need to get back to. I was born for the wild. It's like the saddest reason. I do. I have nothing. I'm the biggest loser. Your example was cold, right? Huh? Your example was a cold place.

Yeah, that's where I live. Yeah, I think that anywhere not cold you win. I think that you are a survivor who will eat bugs and enjoy it and then come back and be like,

dude, I ate bugs. It was so cool. You'll be convinced that what you did was cool in a way that none of us could ever feel. Yeah, but it'd be like when I found out you can eat thistle root.

You know you can eat it. You have no one to tell that. You would find that cool with no one to tell. You need someone to tell. That's the difference. I don't care. And it's televised, so we're good. I would be afraid of someone thinking I was dumb

for saying the thistle root thing, but you turned it around into making it about you. I eat bugs for the love of the game. You eat it for the clout. That's the difference Without the YouTube video he has nothing Without the YouTube video I don't like bug Aiden's literally threatening me by squeezing a can and saying this is your skull. Why are you doing that? Why are you pretending to be Edward Norton's the Hulk? That's his fucking body It's not my body stop squeezing it You can't squeeze his body like that.

You can't touch that. Did you cut yourself? You know what will help that? All you should do is take out your MinMobile phone and call the ambulance and pay. More like call the wambulance, you loser. Anyway, MinMobile offers premium wireless for just $15 a month and it's Ryan Reynolds

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or Blade 3 he was like kind of a dick in Waiting and he was also Broken Lizards Club Dread snore I think Van Wilder was damaging waiting. And he was also broken Lizard's Club dread. Snore. I think Van Wilder was damaging to young people. He was so bad in Blade. All plans come with unlimited talk, text, and high-speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. That's Mint Mobile.

Don't you understand? Get the plan shipped to your door free. Go to mimble.com slash the yard. Ryan Reynolds. I like how it's simple. It is simple. Slash the yard. Slash the yard.

Mimble.com slash yard. And also, Ryan Reynolds will deliver it to your door. Slash the yard. Memo with home slash yard. And also Ryan Reynolds will deliver it to your door hand deliver. He's gone. He won't. But he will. He will. I don't know what he's saying. But he will. It's Blake Lively now. Blake Lively will do it and she'll give you a light kiss on the cheek. I like that they're still together. I like that they're still together. It is cool. You know what? We're pro Ryan Reynolds. Hey. Right, guys? Come on.

So that's mintmobile.com slash the yard. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month. Zipper loves his Mint Mobile phone they sent us. And you could love yours, too. He's always chirping about it. He calls a lot when we're doing the pod. That's why he misses sometimes putting the things on the screen because he's on the phone. He's gossing. He is gossing with other zippers.

He's Ryan Gosselin. You know what I'm saying? I hated that one. What does that even mean? Fuck you, man. What does that fucking mean? Fuck you. It's not about you.

Go to mebomble.com. Fuck you. And we'll go back to our podcast. All right, Eamon. Tell us. Tell us. Because you've had a fantastic week. Yeah, you could say that.

Of humbling myself. For context, QD runs a show called Master Baker. Slime was the winner of the inaugural Master Baker season, where you crushed the competition and made a phenomenal cake to win it all. What can I say? Squeaks was too bald. And you went on the show. Yeah.

You went on the show. Yeah, and I made it to the show yeah wait you went on the show yeah and i made it to the final you were you on so it's like four days i think total five days five days you were dog shit dog every day so let's i'm gonna correct for people who didn't watch you were so dog shit that you had to get saved by chat day one and day two yeah but far, I think you made what most people would consider poison. Is this accurate? I feel like you're being aggressive. I think that was what it was. If you fed what you made to a rat,

would it live? Would it continue being a rat? If it ate all of it? Would Zipper 3 eat what you made? No. Right. It was literally like synthetic colored chemicals i almost don't like i i surprised myself how bad you were yeah yeah the pie was extraordinary yeah it was yeah

i isn't can we get some pictures of some of the stuff isn't the real truth that you were just trying to run it down no no i promise i promise was not. I was a little stressed last week because I think like you had talked about last time, the show takes up this big chunk of your schedule, like in your in your day. Right. And I think for most people who are doing it, that's the thing they get to focus on for the week. But I had like some competing obligations like each day. I usually had like I was doing like meetings right before the show and then meetings right after the show in like these blocks with flour on your face yeah so i'm just like stressed because i'm i'm i'm fucking baking while i'm thinking about like the riot games pitch i'm working on that i have to get into the meeting of like 30 minutes after i'm done being told that my food is shit uh john's and uh but i tried every day i just have so little understanding of baking and uh i've got bottom two or i finished dead last the first three days the third day they finally did not save me and the reason i didn't want to be saved was i couldn't take any more

shame i was like it was funny at the beginning but my ego was so beaten down that i'm like i need i cannot be brought back. I mean, you're my fan favorite because they wanted to save you. I know. And I like begged. They just wanted to watch him burn. I went into Aiden's zone and said, please, please do not save me today. I cannot take more shame.

I, uh, yeah, I thought there should be a rule that you can't save two times in a row. There's so many funny frames from this show of you just looking like the saddest guy in the world. This is a genuine emotion. This is like Guy Fieri before he gets zapped in the machine to become an amazing chef. Yeah, before the Captain America experiments. So I'm kicked off, understandably so. Poison the judges three times in a row. Poison the judges many times.

But then Cutie asks me and Zoil to come back for the final day to be sous chefs. And each one of them picks one of us. So FanFan picked Zoil and then Myth was left with me. Picked you, picked you. He picked me. By default. But day five finals was way more fun

because when you're the sous chef, you just do what you are told and you do it as well as you possibly can. Way more fun because when you're the sous chef you just do what you are told and you do it as well as you possibly can way more fun i was so much more pumped about day five and then we also made something edible which for me was a breakthrough yeah for myth it might have been the worst thing he made on the entire show but for me it was my peak so i was i was just happy to take a bite of something and be like this is actually good is actually good. It was crazy. It was crazy because he cannot handle responsibility

unless it's an event or a melee tournament. Yeah. Otherwise, you put him in charge, and he basically just implodes internally. It's more fun to be a bot that gets told what to do because you just get to do the task. It's true. I don't like ideal.

I like being a cog. I think I also deal with the pressure it's like ultimately when you're when you're doing it for yourself if if you fail it's only about you but if i fail on finals day i'm letting myth down who wants to win and i don't like fortnight so you're trying harder yeah all right become bakery man i thought there was a funny uh group chat message because aiden went to slime and he's like how do you do this baking stuff? And you're like just had sugar And that was a big secret

You know what's fucked is that? Ironically would have saved me on the first two days if I just added more sugar Yeah, cuz cuz sometimes you'll add like just raw baking powder And it just tastes like it tastes like a melted Barbie in someone's mouth. Yeah. You're like, oh, no. And you're not sure it fixes it. I made melted Barbies for three days.

Yeah, I was. What did I do? Oh, yeah. When we were talking about music earlier, it was so funny when I was sitting at the desk and just talking to Peter and Myth comes by to like open the fridge, which is right near the judge desk and put something in there. And then he's like, he turns to me like, do you like the strokes? And I'm like,

yeah, they're great. He's like, cool. And then just closes the door and walked away. It was very Ludwig moment. Yeah. That's a Ludwig thing to do.

Myth is young and he spent his whole life gaming and has, he's going through, he's going through the hits. He's like reading like classic books. He's reading like animal farm in like you know he's like yeah and the scarlet letter lonely island they actually like funny music it's weird he's just catching up i don't know and the strokes made music with them so like is that crazy funny catch up like it's jizz in my pants like dude it's crazy because he goes to the store they were on the boat the whole time

I love the jizz in my pants there's a couple shots on green screen but mostly they're on a boat he's like guys have you seen the dark knight

holy shit because sometimes like the people that are good for us do bad things yeah it's so true he's great

he's such a generational talent he's great it's crazy how funny he is great. He's such a generational talent. He's great. It's crazy how funny he is. He was so good at the baking show and somehow lost the last day, even though he had such a big lead. And I was trying to figure out what that factor could be to bring him from, like, top, top, top echelon.

It's hard to imagine. On the first four days and then the fifth day, you know, I'm thinking of, like, he's a sous chef. Like, is that a part of it? Like, what element got added to his experience that made him worse? Made him worse? Who knows? Any inklings?

It can be a crazy thing to think about. I don't. I'm not sure what it was. I actually think Zoya was also a great sous chef. Zoya knew how to make meringue. He just knew how to make that. Well, his meringue was raw, so. Oh. Well, didn't they say that was the best part of his cake on the last day? It was the best part

Was it not raw? I thought it was undercooked He was undercooked one of the other days I'm not fucking fussy about it You're not fussy Anyway, fun Master Baker appearance By Eamon What is that? I won this

I won an Oscar I I won this on Saturday. I did. What is this naked little statue? I won a melee tournament Saturday night. What? Yeah. It's this little statue that looks like an Oscar, but it's a man ripping open his ribcage to reveal his inner soul. No, he's holding a laurel.

And it says Los Angeles. That makes more sense. I thought he was spreading it. It's the goatee of the soul. Of the soul, yeah. Where you reveal your heart. Yeah. You won. Yeah.

How many people? It was like 15 people. And you know, when I went to go hang out with Pizza Boy and Diesel Derrick and Base Fox. So they had a birthday party for Pizza Boy on Saturday night. And they hosted a melee tournament. But every set you had to spin like a punishment wheel like almost like fear pong and whatever you spun on the wheel affected your set that you had to play yeah and there there's a bunch of different stuff like it could be something like reverse mains uh but also sometimes it could just the melee would just be

replaced by Beer Pong or Beerio Kart. Wait, this is Kiss Johannes. Yeah, one of them was just Kiss Johannes. Is that a guy? Yeah. That's at the place? Yeah, Johannes is there. It's a woman tied to a chair. His tag is Bird Person. What is Penis Melee? Oh, it's Bird Person.

He's great. Can you tell me what Penis Melee is? Penis Melee is Mistress of Hattern only on very high. That's great. Can you tell me what penis melee is? Penis melee is Mr. Saturn only on very high So my first match was was underwear for two if you could show the next photo zipper What is pizza stage hazard? Oh, sorry, that was strip melee. That was strip melee. This is underwear for two So in a display case They have this thing in a package called underwear for two that shows a couple Wearing the same pair of underwear that has four legs in it and you have to play melee in the underwear for two against your

opponent and still whipping out the box So we were like dude How am I gonna do this with a box and will who's running the tournament was like wait i have a keyboard stand oh wow that was genius so we played like this for an entire set of melee my next set we roll blueberry blast which is where you have to play a melee set with a blueberry vape nicotine vape in your mouth the entire set so while you're playing you're just puffing nicotine Hit vapes and I do not smoke so I'm just coughing the entire set well Crushing while fragging out well while waiting in mail only she could win that that yeah

Sunday to keep it going All berries Yeah, that's what J.M.O.P. needed Sunday to keep it going. It's the blooper, the oops all berries. Yeah, oops all berries. This was Losers Finals, which was strip melee. Every time you lose a stock, you have to lose a piece of clothing. Does the game stop for it? These were the first two cavemen. No, you have to speed run the clothes off because they can hit you in the time you take it. They have a pair of scissors as decoration.

Yeah, those scissors are crazy. The scissors are there in case they need to cut anyone out and then what was grants uh and then grants was uh may uh melee euro beer it was like a combination of the word beerio in melee where you it was a best of five and you have to chug two beers during your set but you cannot chug you have to put the controller down to chug oh, and you have to chug two beers during your set, but you cannot chug. You have to put the controller down to chug, and you can't chug while you're on the angel platform. So you have to get hit while you're chugging.

Puff wins that. So you always have to play opposite. Like, you probably don't chug at the same time. Your optimal time to chug is after you have just taken a stock. Because as you're flying off, you have this time. And then you're crowd-chancelling with your toe. And I played Peach the first game, because when you get hit,

you have a really long time to chug and recover. Of course. Yeah, he min-maxes crazy. Of course! But my favorite one we played, because it's for Pizza Boy's birthday, and one of them is called the Pizza Boy Stage Hazard. And Pizza Boy, his name is not because he likes pizza

or because he eats a lot of pizza. It's because he's a nest man. And when Ness taunts, he spins his finger like he's spinning a pizza. I thought it was when he upthrows. Or when he upthrows, yeah. Yeah. And Pizza Boy Stage Hazard is just, he is also in the game with you, up throws or when he up throws yeah yeah uh and he's okay when he does pizza boy stage hazard is

just he is also in the game with you a neutral party who who gets to hit either of you and but you still have to play and beat your opponent in the game oh you just have a nest that's like coming around and interrupting and hitting you during your combos is he being a fair yeah he was extremely fair that which made it even more perfect, because there was no, like, you're like double teaming. This is exactly like the judge in Final Fantasy Tactics Advance. People will understand that. Thank you.

But it was so, and then I played like a Beryl Kart match, and that was my match against Bird Person, and I won the bracket, and I got a fucking trophy. That's great Yeah, it was so much fun. Did he ask you if you wanted to go to this? No, no Why that's crazy somebody else's birthday party. That'd be weird. It's a birthday party. I'm not gonna it's dude

It's not like a Determination it's a birthday party. Yeah, don't relax I got on his ass. I got on his ass because I feel like this would be something you would go to. You'd be like, wait, don't get on my ass. I'd be like, I got on your ass. You guys are starting to disgust it at my question, and I was like, hold on. You're starting to disgust it at him.

Yeah, a little bit. The bracket at this tournament was also seeded by this game they made up called Pizza's Choice, This tournament was also seeded by this game they made up called Pizza's Choice, which was a cardboard box cutout with five straws that were up through the top of the box. And each of the straws is like a different alcohol. And you had to guess. You had to taste. This is the TikTok challenge. Apply the guesses. Oh, it's on TikTok?

Yeah. I'm not a... That was so funny to say. Oh, it's on TikTok? No, it's Pizza Boys. You saw it. It's Pizza's Choice. Yeah, Pizza's Choice TikTok? Yeah. I'm not a... That was so funny to say. Oh, it's on TikTok? No, it's Pizza Boys. You saw it. It's Pizza's Choice. Yeah, Pizza's Choice.

Pizza's Choice. Copyright. Pizza. However many you got right in Pizza's Choice was how the bracket was seeded. This is like how people on TikTok justify drinking soda every day, is that they'll put 10 sodas under cardboard and sip them and be like, Coke, Diet Coke, Coke Zero. Yeah. And then feel good.

And then they just gain 10 pounds in two weeks. It doesn't eat your enamel if it's for content that's true the comments on the episode right you got whoa you guys have pizza boy on the podcast pizza boy you guys have pizza boy on the podcast is this person magnanimous this pizza boy sounds like such a celebrated person. He is incredibly nice. Like he's just at all times like so encouraging and kind. So he's a very easy person to get along with. If you're going to be someone in life, be someone that people treat you like pizza boy. How do you describe us? Hmm?

How do you describe us? He doesn't talk about us at parties. You've met Hunter. He's a famous bean grinder from Costa Rica on your jaunt outside. Oh, okay. This is hypothetical. I'm making up a human. He's Hunter. And then Hunter's like, you've got a bean grinder?

How are the three people on it? And how I describe you guys? Yeah, you go through us all. Get a sentence. And this is a normal encounter like a normal human that you're trying to get to know. And this is after you've already found bean grinding

very interesting. Yeah. And asked him a hundred questions about it. Yeah. And you found out that like the best bean to grind is actually lima. I don't let him ask questions

about me for a while because I want to find out about bean grinding. Yes. Yeah. That makes sense. So. How do I describe you guys?

Yeah, he's like, he wants to know and you get a sentence each. I usually don't talk about you. Yep. Okay. Given that he's talking about me. There's enough data.

Great. Enough information. Everyone already knows. On a slime? Let's move on to slime then. I usually describe slime as very charismatic and funny and charming. Do you mention anything else about him that would warn them you tell them all More nice. What does that mean sometimes both of us? I?

Why would I need to be warned you're it's like when you go to a house, and it says beware dog I'm not a dog you need to our dog. I am like you're like a bald Tasmanian devil Like the cartoon version or the regular version? The cartoon version. You know what you're like? You're like... You know when you see those dogs and they're like... And the owner's like, he's so sweet.

You've done this. You said this last week. He doesn't bite. Yeah, he doesn't bite. He doesn't bite. You guys said this last week and I don't think it's true. About you? Because...

I've never said this in my life. Yes, you did. No. Last week you said this. Nope. Wrong. Why is this happening to me? Yeah, you're wrong. You're wrong. You want to try again, though? I'm thinking you know nothing. Look,

listen. Do you warn people about me? Do I warn? Do you give them any... Because Ludwig thinks that people... I need to be a warning. I need to have a big yellow sign on my... i always just say slime's the wild card that's a warning that's a that's a version of a warning i think it's a warning ludwig's the pedophile that's a warning too you know what the fuck you're you're saying

if anything i just describe you as a like you're i don't know if i've said this exactly but I feel like I say a longer winded version of like eccentric that's funny I think you know what I've never ever do you remember do you remember that girl Jessie I was seeing who came over and you came down in your underwear

while she was over I have never you called it underwear terrorism no I didn't you have to imagine Yes. While she was over on purpose to terrorize her. I have never You called it underwear terrorism? No, I didn't. You guys are lying to me. You remember this, right? You guys are lying to me.

We were upstairs and he was like going through different pairs and he was like these are the most terrorist-like ones. I'm the diaper terrorist. Ever since then.

She came we were on the Big Joe in the living room and then you came down were we were on the big joe in the living room and then you came down just fucking only in your underwear I didn't know she was there by the way

he didn't know she was there but as he was going down the stairs he was like alright alright alright alright and then fucking she looks around

and then he looks dead on and is like alright man and I hadn't really thought about what it would be like for girls i'm seeing to meet anthony until that moment and then she told me later that you were her favorite and i've never had fear ever about you meeting anybody understandably what it would not have been a

weird reaction if she was traumatized what are you talking about if if she didn't like that so what happened was that she started to see you in her nightmares what well that's her problem what actually happened was i went down i outrided man and then i said all right and then i and then we exchanged pleasantries and then i was i i turned it was as if if you didn't if you couldn't only hear me and you couldn't see what i was wearing or not wearing, you would imagine I was in a suit at a gala. At like a gala. Oh, enchanté, Jesse. Yeah, that's what it is.

Enchanté. And I was Bruce Wayne at the ball going, it's a pleasure to meet you. And I was just like, so like, fine. Yeah. And I said, Raj Al Ghul, I killed, you didn't see, I killed him years ago. And then he threw a smoke bomb and it was still there when it dissipated

I watched him die she was like wow he's really charming so yeah what can I say alright how do you describe Nick I usually describe Nick

as smart intelligent usually usually able to like figure out or like mediate things really well or explain Okay cool

He said only nice things and we like totally fucking Like, totally fucking recommend it. Yeah, we jump on him for it. Yeah. Because that's what you think. Because usually I just say, yeah, they're my best friends. Aw. Wow. I mean, I've always said, when I, like, start dating somebody or something, it's like, I

don't say it outright, but in my head, the hardest deal breaker is, like, if you are mean to my friends, like, it's not gonna... It can't be messing with the pyramid? It's just over. Like, the pyramid is so strong, and you cannot take a chisel to it. Do not try it. You can't chisel the pyramid. Don't try to chisel my pyramid, because we'll die together. Oh, I was answering... We'll die. Like the pyramid is so strong and you cannot take a chisel to it. Do not try it. You can't chisel the pyramid. Don't try to chisel my pyramid because we'll die together.

I was answering a question recently. We won't do that. Who would I pick to be the best man at my wedding? And I want to ask you guys a question. If I made it my one wish, would you guys do like a trench coat thing? Absolutely. Yeah, 100%. Would you guys do like a three tier?

100%. Like sneak into the movies? You have to be the bass though. Yeah, 100%. Or do you guys do like a three-tiered like sneak into the movies? You have to be the base though. Yeah, I know. That's why I'm like... It's like I got a 10,000 pound glove. It's crazy that he has to be the base. That means you're second, right?

Oh, shit. No, Aiden would have to be on top for sure. What if I train? You don't want the tall person on top, right? Am I the lightest? It's, I think...

Is it only weight? It's weight. As long as he doesn't like extend himself. How much do you weigh? You just want your mass to be lower. Ah, actually 185. And he's lighter. Oh, okay.

I think for sure, like I'm open to this idea, I just think we'd have to like, the specifics, it sounds fun to say it, but like, it's a long ceremony. Realistically, you have to, you have to give a heads up, you have to give a heads up, because we we can find a trench coat. You have to give a heads up. You have to give a heads up because we need to source a trench coat. We have to practice for a while. And then I need to train like it's fucking chess boxing

so I can be the middle man. No, no. I would be middle. What are you talking about? I think having big fucking Spider-Man on top of you might be bad. I don't know. I think you just have to stay straight

like an arrow. No, no, no. I'm going to work on my core at the very least. You would be on top, buddy, so you got, you... I gotta work on my core, at the very least. You would be on top, buddy, so you gotta stop... I'm on my weak little core. What we need is... Oh, the top is the face. Guys, okay, I...

What if it's Krang? Let's flip it back on him. Yes, we say it, but who's the face? This is like the real best man question. He doesn't want to bode out there. Can I say that my answer to the face question is not my answer to the best man question. We all agree. No, no, no, it's totally separate.

Okay. I agree. It's all separate, alright. I think I want Slime to be the face of the pyramid. Yeah, cause he'll have the toupee. This is just the wedding pyramid bit, I realize. And now physically we just can't get it done. Yeah, we can. Come on, right?

Why do you want me as the face? Because I think it'd be really funny to see you that tall. Yeah. He's right. He already sees us that tall. He'd be like I think it'd be really funny to see you that tall. Yeah. He's right. He sees us. Hey guys, I didn't say I'd be doing this. Yeah. And Ludwig would be having the worst time of his life.

It would be miserable. We need to get Ludwig as like a cyborg. And if you farted, it would both experience it. And it would be trapped in the trench. I'd be past it because your butt would be below my head. I think your hairs would singe off. I would throw the wedding. Your butt would be below my head. I think your hairs would singe off. I would throw the wedding. You would throw the wedding?

You would run it down? If you farted, that would be you throwing the wedding. And I'm telling you now, so you know that it'd be you. But we still need to finish the game. But you're just running it down because you got mauled. But I've warned you that this is what I'll do. That's so cringe. No, it's not.

Hey, give me the opera I'm throwing. It's basically because you're doing a bad thing. So it's like we already have two duelists and I'm saying if you lock a third duelist I am throwing. No, you're saying give me Jett. No no no. You're saying give me Jett or I throw. I'm saying don't fart.

I'm on your team. I'm on the base. What if I have to? Your team no fart in any other situation where you're involved. If you have to fart I need you to literally interrupt the ceremony and say, Hey guys, I need to fart and I'm going to do this. You just see it like collapse from the top like a building. We take it like that and then we destroy it and it goes.

Like you're dead with it. It's like, oh no. No, here's how we solve this. We have a tube that is in my ass. Right. And it exhausts. It exhausts out. It is the sole oxygen tank for Aiden.

This is what's keeping him alive. This is what Mark Roper's next YouTube video is going to be about, is about engineering this solution for you. They did that somewhere where they farted, and they had somebody directly inhale it. I think it was Jackass, right? Yeah, it was Jackass, too. And Preston took a shit inside the

tube instead of just farting. And it was the one point in the movie where I almost threw up because his poop is just coiled up in it. I hate when they poop on TV, dude. I hate it. That's so fucking gross. It was crazy. So anyway, yes, we would do it.

Also, do you guys know about the fucking shit that's been marinating in the toilet here for like two weeks? Who did that? Is that you Ludwig? Dude. Nooooooo Way. We don't have water flowing. We have three bathrooms at the studio.

Wait, wait, is that the one that you didn't flush? Dude. Because you said it wouldn't flush? Because it's not connected to water. It's been sitting there the entire time. That bathroom is rancid. Wait, didn't you pee in that first? I think it was just pee. I don't think I ever pooped. There's a poop in it right now that's been there for over three weeks. When I came in and I said I didn't flush, did I say poop or pee?

You said pee. I wouldn't lie. Dude, it's so- Yeah, but did you- okay- So it wasn't me. It wasn't me. Innocent. Okay. Who pooped? It wasn't me because I said I peed.

I blame Mikolas Yingling. Ohhhh. Could be. Mikolas Yingling is in the office a lot. This was not me. It's't me because I said I peed Nicholas Yingling This was not me. It's not me. I always poop in the middle bathroom I'm calling gang up because I know who did it don't you you don't have an inkling we have to trick him with trick Um, we have to ask him first like hey, we're trying it We're trying to see who has the highest score for who's taking the most poops in the office We gotta see if he's pooped in the office okay yeah we cannot ask him to be honest let's not bury the lead wait you know that in that sentence lead is spelled led i did

i would say let it let it let it let it he's here he's here he's here? He's here Yingo! He's also not picking up his phone Which is really funny Oh, in the room? I think Zipper's going to get him He's been coming to the office Like every day

Yeah, you guys were playing Valor Until like 3am It was really funny Yeah, degen Cause then you're like I gotta go home And then you drove home And then got back in the call

To hang out While you went to bed And then I fell. That's cute. Yeah, just listen to you guys talk. You're just a little discord kid. Yeah, what's wrong with that? You are our little guy. Give him back his trophy man.

His trophy? Yeah. You know I know all those guys. Yeah. He's so mad about that. He's still mad about that. You can come next time. No, it's all good. I just, I, it went, it went to.... You can come next time. No, it's all good. I just... Yingo!

I got a question for you. Hey, Yingo. Hey, Yingo. So we're trying to settle a little bit. We got a bet. We got a bet. Can you go to this mic? We got a bet going on.

Okay. On biggest dunkers ranked in the office. Not biggest, the most. Okay. Well, I guess there's two arguments. First off, let's just start here. Have you even taken a dunker in the office? No. Never? No, I gotta stay's two arguments. First off, let's just start here. Have you even taken a dunker in the office? No.

Never? No, I gotta stay home when I do that. No, you've taken one in the office, though. Surely a couple. You haven't taken one? No, I can only do it in private. I need to be in my house. Well, that settles it.

It's most likely Ludwig. Like the biggest. Oh, I would disagree with that. Not biggest. There's no way you mean that. He's It's most likely Ludwig, like the biggest. Oh, I would disagree with that. Well, not biggest. There's no way you mean that. He's got the biggest, but I might have the most. I've eaten a lot of protein lately. Well, the Yingling, that was it.

That's all you wanted? Yeah, you lose the game show, I guess. Yeah, that's cool. Boo. Boo, Yingling. I'm not gonna boo you. I think you're doing great, sweetheart. Thanks, man.

Dawson was too mean to him last night. I gotta be nice to him. I'm not nice. That guy sucks. Dawson was ever a bad guy. It I gotta be nice to him that guy sucks Dawson was having a bad night it wasn't Yingo it wasn't Eamon that's everybody the only other person who is a human alive who comes here you know who it might have been

what was it in the no flush toilet yeah it might have been Caitlyn's contractors yeah they were here yesterday no but it's been there for three weeks wait here yesterday. No, but it's been there for three weeks. Wait, I didn't know how long it's been.

It has not been there three weeks. No, it's been so long because that bathroom has stank like... Wait, wait, wait. Because I peed. Back up.

And it stunk from that for a while. Back up. Back up. It got flushed. Back up. You knew about the problem and left it there?

Hmm? No, there's no way to flush the toilet. It is not connected to water. No, you gotta take it out of the toilet and avoid your hands. Why do fucking- why do millennials not know how to flush a toilet that's not connected? I- I fixed a run-start- Dude, not everyone had their water shut off.

No, I knew it when I was like 14! I fixed a run-start capacitor once for an air conditioning unit. You just fill the tank with water and then it flushes. It's not connected to water. Yeah, you don't need electricity for a toilet. No, it's not connected to the water line that fills it. If you didn't know that, it's true. But you can put water in the tank. It's not-

Electricity does not power your toilet. He's right. He's right. There's no water at all. There's a- there's a- Is this the one with the shower? It's not even connected to a sewer. You can just put- you can put a hose. It- it goes into a- a- what is called a holding tank.

Okay, everyone, listen. You get a cup, you fill a cup of water or a pot and you put it in the back tank And then it'll flush manually it smells so Ice it smells so it's just crazy to leave it. I don't want to go in there It's been there for a long time they look Aiden is a pretty boy. I'll tag us You'll tackle this I lead by example here is this is you do own the company you own the company don't first of all when I say I tackle it I do not say that for you guys to piggyback off of some reasons Why I should well, you know, I've already said I will do it. So I would say I will do it So you just say anything is I like look he's putting he's putting up he's stepping up You know got a jump in and double down why I should have done it. I already said I'll do it

I will episode for that reason he does a poop job. I'm out I will. I'm out. And for that reason, I'm out. You're a shark. I'm a shark and I'm out. So you're out because they sassed you. Yes. That's fair. I think that kind of pettiness is what drives the world. And I like it. And I like you.

And I'm just really emotional right now. Oh my god. That was beautiful actually. I'll call you Sir Strowman. Cause why? Because you're wearing a shirt with a disgusting fish on it. Some sort of weird Swedish smelly fish. But you know what you don't get when you order Factor is what's on your shirt.

Factor, send me a shirt with like a little doodle of a Factor box. I'll wear that. Would you wear that? Yeah. You are a Factor family. If it was, you were going to say something worse. You're going to call me a factor fucker or something. What?

You're a bit of a factor fucker. I'm a factor fucker and it's summer. So you need a wholesome, convenient meal to energize you for sunny, active days. And let me tell you, I don't talk about this a lot. I've been walking 10K steps every day. Yeah, it's definitely something you never mention ever. It is not the most annoying thing I've ever heard in my life. I, for a lot of this

time, thought factory meals were frozen and then you heat them up and I'm learning now that they aren't. They're not. They're refrigerated. They're fresh. Don't wait. They actually go bad because they're fresh. So you gotta make sure you eat them. It is true. They don't last as long as like, you know, pizza rolls. Frozen slop.

But they're also better for you and they taste better. They're prepared by chefs, animals wearing hats. We talked about this before all the chefs are animals you know clean eating you can't eat the meals whole now they change that you can just put the whole package in your mouth you know what's crazy you know who eats a lot of factor is nick yingling and he doesn't even choose you could choose what meals you want every week they give you the option he doesn't even choose he doesn't even even chew. He just doesn't even. Like Aiden was saying, yeah, he puts it

and it's in his neck like an Eddie cartoon. To be clear, Factor does not recommend that you do, but what they do recommend is you pick one of the 34 meal choices or 45 weekly add-on options.

You put the apple cinnamon pancakes in your mouth like a square box coming through your neck like your daffy duck or the potato bacon and egg breakfast skillet. You could do all that.

You know what I'm saying? A lot of protein for you. A lot of protein. Anyway, head to factormeals.com slash theyard50 and use code theyard50 to get 50% off your first box. Yo, say 50 again one more time, 50 guy. That's the code theyard50. For what?

For 50% off your first box. For how much? Factormeals.com slash theyard50. Say it one more time. Theyard50. If you want box,? Say it again. at factormeals.com slash theyard50. Say it one more time. Theyard50. If you want box, you get it. You're getting box now.

America's number one box. Thanks, Factor. How's it been going? Oh, what? No ban June. It's crazy, actually. No ban June. If you guys don't know,

Ludwig begged me like a pathetic little animal. This is something you wanted to do, honey. He got on his knees. I've never seen it. Yeah, guys don't know, Ludwig begged me like a pathetic little animal. This is something you wanted to do. He said he got on his knees. I've never seen it. Yeah. He was speaking Spanish, right?

Like he was doing a whole, like he was, he was using TH like he does in his like fake Spanish accent. And I was like, that's crazy. There's not even S's in that. And he's just begging me like, like a,

like a idiot, Like an idiot. Like an animal. I think we got that part. What happened after? Like a dog. Yeah, okay. And so he's like, please, please, please, please. The begging.

He caught the begging part. He's like, it's actually lesoso. Lesoso. Please, please, the lime. And I'm like, this is crazy, bro. We're in a coffee shop right now. There's so many people around here that think you're proposing to me. And I kept doing my butt.

It's disgusting. And then you start to get a ring out. And then you start to get a ring out. This is your pyramid. Trenchcoat pyramid. Anyway, he was like, you should do no Banjoon, which is why I stream. I play Valorant and I mauled really hard. But I'm usually quick with the band finger when people are like

ask me what my favorite movie is because I don't want to talk about that or like or like hey love the yard and then someone will be like no I don't do that

I saw this someone said that and he's like don't fucking come in here and say that because to me that means all you care about is attention

because you come in here from the yard and you don't even think to catch on to the vibes you just immediately want attention that's all you want is attention it's like hey slime I love the yard and you don't even think to catch on to the vibes. You just immediately want attention. Yes, I do say that but not off that message.

It's like, hey Slime, I love the yard. Who fucking cares? No one asked. That's not true. This is what you do. It's not to that message. That's why I love your stream.

I wouldn't get into that message specifically. And I know it sounds like I'm splitting hairs but I have a code. Hey Slime, hope you have a good day. Don't fucking talk to me.

Okay, that one's true. Okay, so anyway. I't fucking talk to me. Okay, that one's true Anyway What friends you play with these like you're like I'm not playing with any fucking friends, which is why I'm not coming Yeah, I'm saying my friends. Yeah The stream is like playing Valorant with friends Because you're playing with me and that was still the title Who's like who are the friends fucking friends? That's why I'm fucking losing this fucking

You guys got your greatest hits in your head What's our guy in chat was like? Are you are you cute with friends, and then he was like yeah, I'm cute with friends Yeah, these are my friends now I'm cute all my friends and then later someone's like a different person was like why is no one calming and it's like and he got really mad and someone's like well you said you were playing with your friends earlier I think you think you're playing with your friends and they're not saying anything and he was like oh

okay that's fine yeah I read that and I was like that makes sense I understand why you're confused and I'm usually pretty good about when I'm like wrong that I'm like, that makes sense. I understand why you're confused. I'm usually pretty good about when I'm like wrong. I'm like, yeah, that's for sure. I don't know. My code is ironclad. That is true. But it's also confusing to understand because sometimes someone will be like. Okay, so is math.

Someone's like, go, go be. And you're like, yeah, we should have gone be. And someone's like, go be. And it's like, don't fucking tell me how to play, you fucking creature. Because I'll agree. Because if I agree with the sentiment And make them feel like Anyway, this is what you were on his knees right i you know what's funny is i actually like no ban less i'm enjoying the stream less okay well the the how it goes is that i i

basically just instead of banning people i'll like time out for 10 minutes if they're annoying and i'll just i don't single people out like crazy i agree with dawson timing out should not be allowed yeah i disagree i think that's weird because then it's like only for problematic people who are like i think timing out is fine because it's only 10 minutes and they kind of like learn and that's the idea right because like timing out's a normal thing to do for 10 minutes and so so basically i let people talk and i only ban for like you know when you cross the line when you like be racist or some shit there's only been like three uh bands and so well what i wanted to say to you ludwig is it has made me an infinitely happier person

it's actually crazy being like not giving in to the crack cocaine that is being mad at someone who is sliding me or being really mean to me i think a slight means that as well but let's just say it means a slight annoyance uh is so much better it's just so much easier to live that way you're just like you just don't spend the mental energy on it and i realize i've just been eating is so much better. It's just so much easier to live that way. You just don't spend the mental energy on it, and I realize I've just been eating that crack so much. It's good. Was this your plan all along?

Yeah, probably. There's a great line in Marcus Aurelius' Meditations book, too. Oh my god, nobody cares. I think you would really resonate with it. I actually thought about... We get it. You listened to this while you walked 14 miles in fucking Dallas, Texas. I didn't get far into this. No, no.

I think you would resonate with it. I don't have it off rip. I'm not a fucking nerd. What? I don't have it for you. Why did you bring it up? You had all that build up. You just jerked me off for like six minutes and then you were like, I'm done. Six minutes.

He's a seven minute guy. You would have came five minutes ago. With these seven minutes and these dom jerking you off. These dom and doms. Seven minutes makes your round two.

First off, second off, this wasn't for you. This wasn't for you. You're not even going to know what's my hands. This wasn't for you. You're going to think it's not my hands.

This was just for you. Seven minutes. I thought of you and I'm just remembering it so I need to find it again and I'll show it to you later. Okay. I didn't let you finish, and that makes sense, but it's really funny that you don't know what the quote is.

Oh, got it. Is it where you pulled up? Where Kanye did the I'm gonna let you finish thing, and everyone was, like, really mad at him? I'm gonna let you finish. And then it's like, you look at that now. It's crazy. It's compared.

It's like, that's pretty chill. I wish you'd go back to doing that kind of stuff. That might not even make like top 10 Kanye reasons to be mad at Kanye. If he went up and he was like, I'm gonna let you finish, but the Jews.

And then et cetera. Which one is it, brother? This is just a bunch of quotes from him. Well, then what, what were you talking about? Well, like this is a mixture of quotes.

I can't pick out the correct quote. It was like, I know the place it is. The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts. Is it that one? Because that makes me think. I'll come fast in the sink.

Yeah. I don't think he should be saying that about his thoughts. Are you coming in sink? It shouldn't matter what color they are. So it's been healthy for you. Yeah, it's been great. Being like me has been helping you. It actually has.

I've been trying to figure out a way to unlock that part of my brain that is Ludwig-pilled. Like, don't get me wrong. I'm still me, right? Like, I'll still see someone. I don't want you to lose that. That's fucking annoying. But generally, just like understanding that most people probably aren't trying to be annoying and it's just like, it's so much better.

I fucked up because I was trying to be a soldier for you. And then you thought I was betraying you. Yeah, because it says Ludwig unbanned this guy who was being really mean to me. I saw you ban someone. So what happens actually is if I watch full screen and then I click out of full screen, it'll show me every single timeout and ban you've done. So I do that,

and then I try to go to every ban you've done, and I ban them. I basically reverse the logs. I'm cooking the books. I'm cooking the books. Because it's like- Books cooked. Ludwig wants this rule where I cannot click the button, but it creates this like pathetic

cuck scenario for me where I'm like, could someone ban this guy? Just someone ban him. Like, just let me click the button. I didn't say that. I didn't say wait for me to ban him. I'm just cooking the books. Okay. So it's a retroactive thing.

It's cooking the books. You didn't have to know about it, master. Well, I see the logs. You saw the logs, which is what ratted me out. But if you hadn't seen the logs, it would have gone away. It's called financial forensics. Who are you talking about? We don't do that here.

Do you think your new mentality helped you rise to platinum one? Absolutely not. You are platinum one though. I'm platinum one. I'm so close to diamond. Not about me. How close? Plat three,? Absolutely not. You are Plat 1 though. I'm Plat 1. I'm so close to Diamond. Not about me. How close? Plat 3, 30 RR.

That's like four games. Four wins? Four games. 16 games. That's it. Four games. What?

You know. If I go like You lose a couple. Sure. You quit when you're in Diamond? Huh? Yeah. You're done?

Yeah. What's the time? You want to play? Sure. Because're done? Yeah. What if Slime's like, hey, you wanna play? Sure. But you don't quit. Nah, I quit. But you won't quit. Yeah, no, I'm out. I'm done. You don't quit. I don't fucking touch the game. And Slime's like, you wanna play? Yeah, we'll play. Cause what if you hit Ascendant? What if you get to Ascendant? No, I don't care about that rank. Why? I think Resentant's for pussies. Yeah, I agree. Why? Hold on. In my mind, there's three cool ranks. Rank

Radiant, cool. Okay. Inarguable. Best to do it. Rank Diamond, cool. Hold on. Looks like a butthole. There is no way that Diamond comes before Immortal. Last one's gonna be Iron or some shit. 100% does come before Immortal.

Immortal to me, Why'd you give up? Oh, come on. Silver medal. You were there. Silver medal for the table. Oh, so you got one away from the greatest. That's nice. Hold on, let me get this straight. So if you hit diamond, it's like, whoa. Like, okay, come on, right? They take the game seriously.

But if you continue and do even better and you get immortal, you now, you like them less? Yeah, because to go from diamond to immortal, you must have like devoted a serious chunk, but then quit. Right. Quit at the ninety nine yard line to me. I don't know what you're going out on. I think I agree with diamond. I think diamond diamond is like the unilateral marker in every competitive game or like the diamond equivalent where you're like, no,

not in Valorant, not since the introduction of Ascendant. No, I think so. Ascendant is the new good player. No. Disagree.

I think Diamond, I think Diamond won in every game. It's like, you made Diamond and you're like, all right, so you are vaguely good

at the game. Yeah. You're in the top, you're in the top 10% of players. Yeah. I think you're in the top 10% in plat. No, no, it's not. No.

Is it like Rocket League? Because I remember the Rocket League stats were like, I don't know how that system works, but it's basically if you were gold, which is a middling sort of rank, right, in Rocket League, you are like in the top like 5%. No. Or something crazy.

No, no, no. I barely play that game and I'm champ. It's like a, it's like a parabola in every, on almost every game. I think there are certain, there might be one that, that might,

that might be more accurate in, but it's not rock. What I'm saying is there are games which if you're gamer pilled and you like play a game a lot enough to get a rank that is like fairly high that you are still, still like miles above the whole population i feel most people are like the lowest two ranks i feel like it has to i feel like cs is like that i feel like climbing is impossible i've actually been playing a bunch of cs by myself like solo queue and winning and my

rank just does not go up i don't understand how the game's system well i think because they coded the original rating system for that game, like, on a speaking spell. Yeah. So it's all fucked. It doesn't make sense. It was Gaben on the TI-84. Yeah. And he's like, I'm going to move to New Zealand one day in an apocalypse bunker.

Yeah. I'm going to pay Jacinda for citizenship. I'm going to pay for citizenship. And then he modded Half-Life. It was him and not other people. I've had a very interesting place gaming where i've realized that i no longer have any games in my life the first time i think my whole life like you know after the age of like 12 uh i have no longer any games

that i desire more elo in oh yeah yeah i don't reach the top i don't care to go higher in valorant i don't care to go higher in melee or uh chess or anything else welcome to death so peaked i don't have a new game so i guess i'm a guy quit now you're a rotting decaying corpse for me now i think that's how that's how i will feel once i hit immortal in this game in valorant you'll feel that way forever right right? I'm not even a four! You have to clear the green box. You just have to clear it. No, I think I'm pretty confident I can hit that, and then that'll be...

I don't... I think the jump from, like, one to three, and then I rate it is insane. 35? It is. You gotta be green. I don't wanna be green forever. You won't be green forever.

You won't be, because... You'll be blue forever. You can change the color of your monitor, maybe or maybe the arms don't impact me I is what I say switch games I beat Zelda but the Breath of the Wild but to be I'm beating proper of the wild but to be what you beat breath the wild yeah he never played before let's go I'm a surprise you didn't start the new one I want to beat the old one. I see. Have you guys been watching the clips of the new game?

People post, like, fucking phase montage clips, except it's a link. It's very hardcore, yeah. Shooting computer enemies. I like when there's, like, robots coming that they build. Yeah. Those are really cool. It's great. It's like a modern marvel of game design

and, like, physics engineering in an environment like that. It's very beautiful. It's tight. I feel like all the marvel of game design and like physics engineering in an environment like that. It's very beautiful. It's tight. I feel like all the people, all the kids who play Roblox are probably like, that's like level one. Do you ever, are you ever going to remember your time with Tears of the Kingdom? Yeah.

I think I'm still going to play it because I want to do the dupe glitch now that I beat it and just get a bunch of cool shit. What were your thoughts on the game? Did they patch that shit? They did, but I haven't updated my Switch. Shit, yeah. I forgot.'t patch that shit yet? They did, but I haven't updated my Switch. Shit, yeah. I forgot. I forgot that shit works.

Eh? Did you enjoy the game? Yeah. Was it good? Great game. He said it's great, but he also poop-socked it, and then he made fun of me for using millennial language. You poop-socked it?

I poop-socked it. I did poop-sock it, but it was the most fun I've had poop-socking because I poop-socked God of War, and that was miserable, and I poop-socked Elden Ring, and that was brutal. Was poop-socking this better than Breath of the Wild

is this game better than Breath of the Wild yeah 100% I also poop sock that game yeah but for different reasons if you want to play HDR on a certain switches HDR is a mod for Smash Bros Ultimate that makes it play really fast like kind of like melee and if you have a certain

type of switch like a newer one, you have to literally solder a fucking chip into it to break it, which is really funny. But some of the earlier ones, you don't have to do that. But it's like, man, they made it really hard to mod that shit. I've gotten deep into the modding lore because there was that guy who got arrested for modding. Oh, yeah.

There's also a guy they sent fucking agents to his house, arrested for modding. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There's also a guy they, like, sent fucking agents to his house, like Pinkertons. Yeah. He was, like, a DS modder, and they, like, sent people to his house to, like, threaten him and shit. You're talking the guy you made a mogul mail about, right? Yeah. The main guy, the French guy,

just gets to get away with everything, though, because the French government was like, yeah, we're not going to charge him. We don't kill him. We don't kill him. And then they can't extradite him because the French government's like, it's chill. So he's just, like, doing all this illegal shit in france so tight that scene gets hot and then he just he just chills for a bit and then he just comes back starts hacking some more shit away

there's a there's a youtuber i think it's history matters or something he's from the netherlands and he was explaining like in the netherlands there's still a rule where you cannot criticize like the king because apparently they still have one or something. Yeah. And he was explaining. He was like, to make this video, I was going to go across the border into, like, Germany. And then, like, upload the video. And then prove that I was there.

And then go back home to the Netherlands so I wouldn't get arrested. But he's like, it's actually fine. Like, the rule's not that crazy. And I was like, that's interesting. We can just do that. Yeah. Let's go do some illegal shit. International Waters are doing a smash boxing event. i don't know if it's fucking chill you know they're doing a smash box event it's like just random smashers wait which one is this

yeah is this the one in washington i don't know newt's in it that's the only person i know yeah this is the washington one it better be an Smash is putting together a smash boxing event. That's coming up this year. I was a room by my shit, huh? Cuz you you you have good ideas and you have cool ideas. That's how I describe you to all my friends Fucking tired. Why do you say like an asshole to them though? Okay, there's some things I don't know about Hunter would be like oh okay I feel like there's some things I don't

know about him that aren't good uh what really what is this what is this idea like what is the full concept

it's just Smashbox with a card of fights in Washington Washington Melee is putting it on America Washington

I think I'm not sure 100% but I I assume the reason they can get away with it is Washington like famously

has the has the dual law where if like two people formally agree to fight and like both parties consent then it is not illegal to beat each other up wow a lot of boxing i think they can get away with it because they're not going to be big enough they're also yeah it'll also be like a size thing i could fight aiden in that room over there yeah i can fight him. I could fight him in the stinky bathroom. You can't fight me in this fucking building with that California labor laws poster on the wall.

My boss beating me up. I would take it off the wall for a moment, and then I'd put it back up after I'm done. Yeah, you would turn it around so I couldn't see it. Don't watch, honey. If you take the employment guidelines off the wall, then you could break them. Yeah, you'd also take my employee of the year plaque off the wall. Is that up there still? It's not up there.

Wasn't your job to get it or something? Ooh, it's crazy. My job? Yeah. His job was to win. My job's to win. Yeah, but he's also been, like, helping with some other stuff. Oh, yeah.

I'm helping with the warehouse. Dude, you guys fucking make me sick. You guys should wrestle In the stinky bathroom No I'm gonna sell No One I'll do it

One man enters One man I'll do it Lose my opponent It's Aiden Alright Aiden Let's go Let's get in there

Let's get in the stinky bathroom Honestly Let's swirly Ludwig In that bathroom Dead the demon swirly Terrible That would suck That would suck

Dude I remember We were on a field trip To a museum in Denver in fourth grade, and we got to sleep in the museum, like sleep in sleeping bags on the ground and shit. What? It was very hype. That's cool. Yeah, it was very cool. Was this after the movie with Ben Stiller?

It was before. Did that just make you like sleeping on the ground? Was that the moment? You were like, fuck, this is kind of like not in the museum. I liked it before that, too. Isn't that crazy? That is crazy. I also slept on the floor as a kid there was this kid named gus and everyone gave him a swirl why you know someone who's been swirling yeah there was like

a queue for swirls it was basically this whole group of boys and uh it was like it was like there's rumblings around everyone remember we we saw that one comedian video last week? It was a couple days ago. He's like, Mexican got on boots. Oh, yeah. Oli Sadiq? Yeah. It was like that.

It was like, we're giving Gus a swirly. Hey, we're giving Gus a swirly. Pass it on. And then fucking everyone just got in on it. I didn't because I was playing Game Boy with a light on in my sleeping bag. Why did you have to give it an alibi as to why it wasn't moral? Because I just was because I just heard about it. But you would have done it if you were free?

No, I think it was too much. I'm very much the same as I was when I was a kid, where it was just too much work and I was playing Game Boy. That's so mean for poor Gus. Gus was fine. How is he now? I don't know. Hair's still wet.

Hair's still wet, they say to this day. Look up Gus. I don't know his last name even. Come on. I don't know. You swore look up Gus I don't know his last name even come on I don't know I swear the guy you know his last name I didn't swirl him I was in the same grade but yeah it was a imagine getting swirly and then you start chanting keg stand and you start drinking the water gonna do you're kind? You become a legend. And you finish off the whole bowl? Are you kidding? I don't think you're a legend.

You become a freak. I think the whole point of a swirl is that you hit the flush button, so it refills. Like the cheerleader's not coming up to you. Are you the guy that drank all the toilet water? And you're like, yeah, I was there for a long time. I think it's impossible, because a standard toilet's 1.9 gallons. Okay, maybe impossible for you. That's a lot of water

how many ounces in a gallon 64 128 64 ounces ranked they got different ticks for toilet yeah yeah you have to you have to change your jump bind we should bring back like putting people in lockers and like swirlies and lunch money stealing like that should all come back bullying no no not bullying like those specific types of bullying so bully like if you go to someone and you like and you're like yo your fucking twitter's like whack your pussy that's like no that's banned so yeah but if you go up someone and you put them into a locker no explanation you make a human fit into a locker and you close it? It goes up to Josh Mann at a tournament. You prefer physical abuse over psychological abuse. It's not about physical.

It's about the era of time and what was a classic. You're just trying to re-tiverm. I'm saying we should listen to more Elton John, not we should listen to more rock and roll. You know what I'm saying? The way it manifests is literally physical actions of bullying. As opposed to what you're saying is psychological.

It's harder to find a locker now than it was like psychological. It's like harder to find a locker now than it was like back then. Like back then. It's like if you find a locker in your house back then. You should be able to put a guy in it if you find a locker because they're rare now.

If you find a locker and a guy. I'm going to keep it a sack. There's 20 people watching who just got stuffed in a locker today. No way. If you were. Okay, genuinely. If you guys ever had a locker in school

that was not for PE. What? Yeah. You had a locker? You had a locker? Yeah, I had a locker. We all know not a locker really my schools Have lockers. Yeah, cuz you got fucking one MacBook every year Your hop hog HD PVR. Why would a locker make me rich? No, because of the lack of a locker. No schools in my district, even like the not, I went to like a pretty rich school, but even like the not rich schools did not have lockers.

Maybe it's a liberal media thing. I think, I don't know. We had lockers and they still got lockers there. They were only for PE when you like had to go put your PE clothes on. I had a locker and it was next to someone named Nadine, and I had a crush on her, and it was cool because we had similar last names. Locker talk.

Locker talk's where I met most of the girls that I dated in high school. Shit, bro. It goes down near the lockers. Dude, freshman year, I started dating a sophomore. His name was Sam. I was hot shit. We met because they did freshman versus. I started dating a sophomore. My name was Sam. I was hot shit. We met because they did freshman versus sophomore dodgeball. And I got out early.

And so I just started chirping her because she was on the sophomore side. You give me like, like great at high school dodgeball vibes. Oh, I got good. I got good. Let me tell you, freshman year.

I was not there. I got Tommy John. That's how hard I was working the ball. And so I'm talking to Sam. I'm chirping at her. you know you know i'm getting a rapport going eventually find out where her locker is i start going daily i don't like how you said it that way i find i suss it out yeah i walked around the school he went to where she has to go every day. And I make sure I'll be there every time. That's the thing. She could not go there. There's only one place she went multiple times every day that she had to.

It was assigned. I don't know if you get it. She had to interact with him. There's no out. Whether she wanted to or not. Yeah, thank you. There's no out. So it's like, I got this.

That's cool. That's good. It's like a static Pokemon and so I go to the locker and then start talking we eventually start dating

goes great for a couple months you wore her down she yeah she cracked and she's she's very religious so most of our hangouts

are like Christian meetups and Friday groups and what have you reading bible you didn't give up first breast I ever touched to really little accident Christian Explain you have to explain back of the hand or shoulder does not count

Know that you were dating. Oh, yeah, she Yeah, for sure So we're... She was showing me. She was like, it's my favorite song. Let's dance to it. What song is it?

Christmas Shoes. It's like depressing as fuck. I love how you remember. It was so sad. It's so sad. You never forget your first Boner song. It's not Christmas.

It's a terribly sad song. It's about like orphans. For sale Christmas shoes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like that. It's basically that. shoes yeah it's like that i could be into that and so that after dancing we lie down on my bed like like side by side side by side and i go for a reach around casual okay and i go and i throw the hand down and it's in his firm and i'm like i'm like and i'm like this is shoulder because it is rock hard and then eventually she goes she goes grabs my hand moves it to the side and it gives that little chuckle

and i was like and i realized what i had done yeah she just had like 4d breast pads i thought it was shoulder blade because of how firm it was zero boob interesting but that was my first breast anyway we keep dating for a little bit all of a sudden though because locker talks a thing mitch mitch frick that son of a bitch wait had his locker that's his name he drove a a in a bmw school every day he had a nice and rich family he was tall yep well this is later on, but like he got a sophomore year. Did he wear a suit? He did not wear a suit. No, that was just Ryan.

But Mitch Frick, he drove. He drove BMW. He was like varsity athlete his freshman year. Did he look like the way you look now? An all-arounder? No, no, no. Just a different build. Kind of looked like an Elway type.

Yeah. Had a John Elway butt to him. Yeah, very much so. And so his locker was next to hers coincidentally just that and it always was like that but when i would go to her locker because i knew when she had to be there he was always there and he was chatting her up he was like what's up tiny pussy pussy boy ludwig you know and when i came like you know she'd stop talking to him and talk to me a bit but but then i'd start to come by, and they were, like, really in the conversation.

Yo, it's PBL. And he's, like, leaning, and he's like, oh, what's up, Zayn? Hey, psychic. Anyway. You've been dropping some killer COD commentaries lately, though. Dude, you only turned one way the whole game? Like, surely for a certain time you turned the other way. Yeah, I get the news, right?

Anyway, I'm talking to Sam, so if you could scram for a little bit. Mitch was talking to Sam, and I felt like I started third wheeling the conversations. I started to lose a bit of trust in Sam. And I started, because I didn't know how to deal with that at the time, but I was like, I just will stop talking to her. While you were dating? I'm going to stop going to her locker while we're still dating. I'm going to let her realize what she did wrong and how she hurt me.

Yeah. This is good. What actually happened is we stopped talking. Yeah. All together. Broke up. Guess who Sam started saying the next month? No,

no way. Mitch brick. No fucking way. Date for the next four years. Pardon my language, but these hoes. They go into both each other's problems. Wait, a lot of them try to employ BPD tactics and it failed miserably. Beyond high school they were dating.

They dated. She went to college. I think they stayed at dating. And then he went to ASU. He went to ASU? Yeah, we went to the same college together. Bro, that's what. I remember MF. Fucking Mitch.

Yo, bro. Dude, that guy was a ledge. Ledge. Oh, my God. He was so taller than you two. He was fucked up, bro. He was a lot funnier, too. Rushed for the same frat I did.

I think he might have joined it as well. No, he didn't. No, he didn't do that. No, he wasn't really. He was kind of anti-establishment. I don't think Mitch was. Mitch was way cooler than a frat. Anyway, I don't know why you guys are on Mitch's side now.

He broke up with her then. Well, he's a ledge. He's hot. I mean, the thing is, a guy like Mitch, you set him loose in a place like ASU, shit, bro. It's like a buffet for a guy like that. I think what we learned today on the yard

is that sometimes you strike out, but it doesn't matter when you strike out i never struck what i learned is that i should have trusted sam and that i shouldn't have changed who i was because i was insecure about mitch you also should have approached her with your with your thoughts and your feelings but you're a kid and you don't know what to do also start with your shit sounds like mitch was a way better fit mitch was, I mean, he had a Beamer. He had a Beamer. They dated for four years.

You can't put up numbers like that. He got a superlative for best car. That's crazy. That's such a lame superlative. I know, but he got it. Imagine saying that to someone you meet as an adult. Yeah. Like, yeah, I got best car when I was in high school.

You had best car, and then the girl with best car was someone whose father owned a dealership. Yeah. Dude, that's what the best car in high school best car and then the girl with best car was someone who whose father owned a dealership dude that's the best car in high school it's just like oh you're your parents were rich cool yeah yeah richest parents richest parents that'd be a harder title honestly because then it's just true if i pee in the basin will it flush yeah it flushes with p power yeah and then p comes out because it uses the water in the tank to fill the toilet. You pee hard enough. What if I pee hard enough in the basin? What do you mean?

Pee hard enough. I'm thinking about how to fix it. You need PSI. What's your pee PSI, you think? Really, really powerful. But if you force a little too hard when peeing or pooping, you can have shit enter your glands in your ass, which can lead to a death.

Sepsis. What? Really? Yeah. That seems like yeah that's you shouldn't force too hard that's why getting shot in the gut is bad for you i forced every poop goes in my entire life until this year if you force it too hard it can just squeeze squeeze through stuff where it shouldn't go like a like a fucked up gusher something like a fucked up gusher yeah how's like a gusher because if you Like a fucked up gusher. Yeah. How's it like a gusher? Because if you squeeze it really hard it might come out not the hole you're hoping it does. What? It could pop out the side. I felt like a bad feeling in my heart. You're not good at analogies are you?

Like a beehive without a bee. You can't really get there. We have no bees what's that? Beyonce. It's like taking trend but through a suppository. Nothing wrong with that. Do you want to start trend together, guys? Thank you for watching the yard.

No. It's not over. You're kidding me. You're joshing me. I think it most certainly is. Zipper didn't give us a thumbs up emoji. I think we're... I think we're... Maybe we're at an hour 28.

Not quite. Wow. You trying to cut short? No, I was trying to cut short. I have to pee incredibly bad. You're always trying hour 28 not quite wow you trying to cut short no I was you trying to cut short I have to pee incredibly bad you're always trying to fucking

where are you gonna pee what are you gonna do I'm gonna pee in the toilet that works on the basin we have to find out even if it wasn't one of us someone pooped in that toilet it might have been

one of the contractors I know not like even one of Caitlin's contractors one of the contractors that worked on the bathroom we need to find out we don't need to find out

if it's one of the contractors. We need to punish them. We just got to eat it. We're not going to punish a contractor. We need to call the cops. We got to call the cops. We're going to make them do blueberry blast. Ever since you met this clown, you got a little weird about it.

They left it disconnected? I'm so confused. Why is it disconnected? Yeah, why is there no water in there? This is an issue we got to figure out. Have we tried that? In the off hours. It's very clearly not connected.

What if we all poop in it together and make like a stack? Super poop? Yeah. Oh, stop. Please stop. It probably makes some sort of healing serum we can make a guy like spawns from it yeah or it would probably just become a zombie something would be alive i'm thinking look it's nearing the amount of time in there where if we leave it much longer it will become a guy no if Unless we put torches all over it. Minecraft spawner. It's like Minecraft. It's a dive draft.

Also, I didn't say that we haven't talked about this at all, but I met our moist moguls. Oh, yeah. I met the guys. I went to Dallas, Texas. I was meeting the guys. Great. One of them is a username squatter,

which I didn't know existed. Yo, hit my bio. OG usernames. $100 men. He has a bunch of usernames in games, and he sold one of them for like 10 bands. So he'll like get on a new game that comes out and be like...

A new heatness comes out. He'll be like Sacred 1. No, he'll be like Sasuke. Oh, yeah. Copyrighted shit. He'll be like sacred one. No. He'll be like Sasuke. Oh, yeah Copyrighted shit the chosen one Super Mario This was a cool really big thing on Xbox live you'd queue and someone would have the name like Pencil sharpener and you like click into their bio and it'd be like I sell oh geez like message me and he'd have like you'd have like iPod Nano and Like go I got James Bond

fire sale they would just be like things that like might be in the dictionary but aren't necessarily desirable it's like dot com era squatting

yeah like Coca-Cola username squatting dude imagine you had Coca-Cola and to this day you still fucking had it that'd be so money they could take it from you

that happened with one of them right they could take it from you yeah they own the they own the rights to the no they can't take it from you if you have power of attorney. Nope, that's not true. I wish you knew the truth, because it's really interesting. I know the truth.

If you own the rights to the copyright, like the name, you can just take it. You can just ask Twitter to... Coca-Cola sends fucking some Rushdown Revolt C&D their name back you think you think rushdown's gonna fight that there's somebody and i forget the story so this is a bastardization who owned a domain for a huge company oh this is the uh the the burking one maybe more gorky and they like offered to buy it for pennies and he's like no and then they offered a little more he's like no and he said so maybe some big some and then they never they basically he never cracked and then they just switched they just use a different domain entirely and

Burger King one is that literally Burger King in Australia Yes, yeah, because there is a Burger King yeah, but this is just a domain that someone owned I have to look it up I I love the idea of being such a such a guy who's like no it's funny that I own it Yeah, it's like Ludwig. It's the glove on Twitter. Yeah, the guy that says fuck you It doesn't reply to a message for what you say 20k 50. It's like when you see you know when you look at Those those many like old houses in the middle of a downtown area around a

bunch of modern buildings, and it's just some dude that just refuses to sell his property even though it's worth millions of dollars? He's like, no. Yeah. Mikey, our buddy Mikey, paid someone for his Twitter ad. I can't believe he finally got it. He finally got it. It took so long.

It's an underdog story. Look up the uphouse in real life. No. What's uphouse? He's gonna get got. No. Your car explodes. Did you get your discord handle? Yeah, I got Ludwig.

I don't have the option. I don't have it either. Are you a discord partner? Yeah. No. I'm Nitro partnered. It's only discord partners right now. Why did Aiden get it? Why is he a partner? Maybe he's a partner. Are you an influencer? Tell me what to buy. I'm Nitro partnered It's only Discord partners right now Why did Aiden get it? Ah He might be a Discord partner I don't know Maybe he's a partner Are you an influencer?

Yeah Tell me what to buy What'd you get? Did you get Aiden? Aiden Calvin man You didn't watch Aiden? I just want the same handle On every site

You didn't try Aiden? No I didn't want Aiden That's crazy It's so OG It is OG So cool You could've sold it I could've

You should've gotten Aiden Ross Aiden Oh Like his actual. And then you would actually get insane DMs. Yeah. I would like Aiden Ross. What do you want,

Ludwig? What do you want? I want a zipper to pull up the uphouse. The uphouse? Zipper doesn't like you. He doesn't fuck with me. We have been talking to zipper a lot. Yeah. Wait, what the fuck? Oh, this is. There's a giant mall that they were trying to build or some mega construction. And they bought up every lot in the, in the block.

And except for this old woman's house, where is it? She refused to sell it. Uh, fuck if I know in America somewhere. And she refused to sell it. And this is what it looks like. This is so funny.

I refuse to sell it and then make it the up house. It's like, it is kind of weird. No, I need the movie house. No, no, this is before up. Oh, it's based on that? Up is based off the house. Oh! Okay, that's tight.

Yeah. Dude, the reason I remembered this is you can see it when, you might have seen it when we flown in. There's one on the Narita Airport property. There's this guy who has just refused to sell his house it's this tiny little plot that is fenced off in the middle of japan's biggest airport and it's just and he just will not sell you know what maybe

homeowners are the true heroes not only homeowners but people who own property and only them only them should be allowed to vote. I was thinking about that. That should be a precursor. They or them. Property owners, they have the most on the line. They have the most at stake, Ludwig.

Ludwig, do you think that Land Rovers do you think that landlords are brave or super brave? I would like to give a big shout out to our brave Mujahideen landlords. Squatting on Afghan territory. Keep fighting the good fight.

All right. I got to piss super bad. He doesn't want to be on the podcast anymore. This is the last episode. Episode 100 will feature no Ludwig. We have a bonus episode coming. I have to pee really bad. Is that why you're checked out?

Alright, go pee. I told you I had to pee. I need your focus and energy. I'll do the outro for you. I'll do the outro. Nick will do the outro. Say your focus and energy will be here for the frame out. My focus and energy will be here for the frame out.

Hey everyone, so we have a Patreon. We do a bonus episode every episode. If you like this and you want more, you go to patreon.com slash DR and watch this. And if you watch every episode in a row, you'll get a phone call from Ludwig. Yeah, he'll call you. For his real number. Saying congratulations. And he'll say, this is what you have to do to be a streamer like me.

And you can sublet the guest room in his home with him and Cutie. All right, everyone. And she'll be fine with it. Enjoy your day and enjoy your play, but don't enjoy what you say. He's working on it.