The Yard - The Yard 200th Episode Special!

Episode Date: May 21, 2025

We have reached 200 episodes of the yard! This week, the boys play Nick Ball! A game that contains various activities like dunking basketballs, punching drywall and call-backs to the last 200 episodes! Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

He's growing a little faster. Just a little bit. But I'm not trying to put you down because you look. OK, I don't know what he's saying. He's trying to, I think, say your hair looks like... He's doing everything he can to back up. He looked me in the eyes yesterday and said, your hair's growing back really slow.

And then I told him, I said, I said, no joke. I think 10 people have told me the exact opposite. Yeah, my mom and my girlfriend. No one is saying that. Just like, Karlo walks in and he's like, your hair's growing back really fast. Carla can't identify shapes. I don't want to hear shit. He's the Nick England of Alex's friend group. He's like the one in ten dentists telling you toothpaste doesn't work and I'm just supposed to believe it. And now he's doing everything he can

to defend it. I mean, I feel like that dentist deserves to speak. How long is my hair supposed to be after four months? Not an inch. So he's not a dentist. It's not, it's not an inch. It's long enough to get cut. That's more than an inch. I've been complaining about how I haven't booked a haircut for two months.

You look so funny. You know what? It's long. Cause I don't care. I don't care. It looks so funny You look like you fucking got electric You know what this is?

You can't let him win here It's bald revenge It's revenge of the balds You keep brushing it back No what's wrong with it? You're the office drummer What's wrong with it right now? Sorry it's too early. Who's hurting you, bro?

What a fake conversation to kick off episode 200. 200! The Yard Podcast. 200 episodes. It feels like just last week we said welcome to episode 100 of the Yard. Yeah, and it was actually a big last week. Yeah, I think it was about a week ago, and today, you guys, I've prepped a little bit of an activity. Yeah, I thought this was just an outfit. I thought this was All Saints.

Yeah, no, that's Aiden. That's the other one. No, Zip, can you bring up my little game? I want to get right into it. We're playing Nick Ball. Nick Ball? Wow. I did that. Shame my shit the other day. And I have to go. Let's go, dude. I have to read the Nick or any affiliates of the Nick Ball company are not responsible for any injuries, illnesses or fatalities

procured during the participation of Nick Ball. Injuries? Yeah. Are there many Nick Ball employees? We'll get to that, actually. OK. It's crazy. All right. Well, let's jump right into it. Welcome to Nick Ball. A journey of nostalgia, a trial of wit, and a test of your strength.

Contestants will enjoy a trip down memory lane with clips from the other 199 other episodes of this show we have created together. From those clips, a series of games, challenges, and trivia will be born and one winner will be chosen. Are you guys excited? Yes. But I do want another prize. You want another prize? Yeah, but I do want to know the prize. You want to know the prize? Well, we'll get to that later food. No way.

It's later. It's the one thing we want to know. Why does this happen? And your remote doesn't work. We tested it. We did all the things. There we go. So we're in phase.

We're already in phase one of Nick Ball. It's a very quick moving game. You've entered it without even realizing it. There's multiple phases? Well, there's two and we're in phase one, first, you guys need to make some selections. Punishment currency. Nick Ball has two forms of currency. And I'll give you a little hint.

Currency is how you win the game. So choose wisely. You can either have Nick Bucks. Those are really inflated right now. This is going to be like a how nice are we to you can either have Nick Bucks, which is just raw cash. Yeah. OK. Nick Bucks. Or you can have Nick Coyne.

Whoa. It is a cryptocurrency. And I cannot I cannot promise that the market will not be volatile during the course of Nick. What's it called? Nick Buck Nick Puller. Nick Boll. So which so all you need to pick a currency that you will play with. during the course of Nick, what's it called? Nick Buck Nick pull a ball. So which so all you need to pick a currency that you will play with.

Crypto, crypto, crypto, crypto, crypto. I'm a gambler. You want crypto? Yeah, I mean. Well, that means I have to go feel. So we got two cryptos. Crypto, crypto. This actually works out with the personalities I feel like.

I like crypto. All right. I don't like crypto. I just like gambling. I think crypto is good for America. I think it's good for America. I think it's good for America I like gambling. We should make more of it. I'll be clear. You bought Trump coin. And I'm printing more. One one Nick coin also sometimes denoted as dollar sign Nick

This is worth a hundred USD What? I just want you to know when you hand me that it's going in my mouth. How much is my? That's good. How much is my Nick? Every coin is scented, dude, and flavored. Second thing you choose is your ball. What? Whoa, everyone who plays Nick Ball gets a Nick Ball.

All right. He's bringing out. They're all they're all the same, but it's spiritually. It's like your Pokemon. It's the color of a dog's. The one that calls to you because this is an important thing. To be clear, This is not like Pokemon Yeah, whoa hijacked hijacked the one you want is my neck ball You can steal anything. It's mine now. It's mine now, which one you wanted fine

But one the left the left just stress you out. I almost took it you threw it too fast I'm feeling I'm feeling chain. All right Alright, is everyone happy with their Nick Ball? Would anyone like to trade? I have my Nick Ball, I have cryptocurrency, I don't want to trade. You don't want to trade? I... don't want to trade. You don't want to trade? No.

There's nothing inside the balls. There's blood inside. And also you can't chew on it, Aiden. Don't chew on yours. I wasn't going to do that. You could chew on it. Everything looks chewable. You wouldn't chew on it. Why'd you make Nick Ball like this? The last thing I need you guys to choose in Nick Ball,

and this is probably the most important part, is you need to choose your punishments. Now, you guys are going to write a punishment for another player. But I have to write it so I can't say it? No, you have to write it. It's secret but only one of you is going to actually do the punishment written for you and you will earn

it through Nick Ball. Right. You will earn the ability to avoid your punishment. And it can be for anyone. No I'm gonna assign you. Oh. Well that's kind of an interesting suggestion, I'm going to assign you. Well, that is kind of interesting. Suggestion Ludwig for Nick Ball. If you could also just pick who it's. Well, I thought Nick Ball was about freedom. But if it's not a choice. Yes. All right. Let's do it that way. Let's you pick who it's for.

And it could be for anyone. Anyone. Yeah. And one of the people written must do it must do it. If they are a player in Nick Ball. That's so bullshit. Hey, those are all the world's Do it if they are a player in Nick ball? All right, I brought a whistle so we want to go there pick a player of Nick ball and write a punishment for them And the punishment okay, so really can't be you yeah, I can't be me you promise well You know what it can be me okay? It can be that's what I want to hear yeah but the the the Well, you know what? It can be me. Okay. It can be me. That's what I want to hear. But the thing I need you to understand is that the punishment...

He just farted. That's crazy. He just farted like... You can't fart with that haircut. I want you to know that if Nick Ball was officially out of Phase One, that I would have taken away some of your money. Think about that. For that?

For that, yes. Yeah, of course. It squeaked. It wasn't impressive, it was feminine. There's no way you're gonna keep money for that. It smells bad. No, dude. That might give you some money back.

Yeah, I like that. So the thing I need to understand is the punishment needs to be reasonable to happen in the room during Nick Ball. Like today? Yes, it's gonna happen while we're playing Nick Ball. Can I punish myself with an awesome blowjob? Um... Can you punish yourself? From somebody in the room with an awesome blowjob?

Me? Well, no, I'm just pointing around. Oh, I thought you'd get the punishments that you're giving yourself the awesome blowjob. No, no, I can't do that. I would say a blowjob cannot happen on YouTube. Blowjob can't happen on YouTube? That's not true. What would we do in the shed? Then it wouldn't be on camera. Son of a bitch. Ridiculous. So many damn rules. This is like damn liberal economy. We haven't even gotten to the rules.

What? There's gonna be rules. Alright, so I have to choose a person and they get punished. Hmm. The punishment part is hard. I feel like, have you written yours down? Take your time, fellas. You know the piece of paper. What is juice the back? How did you fuck that up? Just cross it out? I? Use all of these all what how did you fuck that up? Yes, you're on a piece of paper I hate I hate Nick Ball. This is Nick Ball. I make the rules. You got a limited fucking supply of paper in Nick Ball? Nick Ball, all classic Nick Ball rule, only one piece of paper.

Nick Ball company is huge but they don't got the budget for paper. Oh good, you have it. You didn't even have to go get it. You somehow used the entire... There's Leleks. Hold on to this, You'll need this. Why do you think dog penises are that red? Dude, that's such a good question. Because maybe God made them that way so we wouldn't suck them.

Oh, we know they're dangerous. It's like poison. Yeah, it's like a poison flower. Like a poison dart frog. It's so colorful and luminous. Lovey is the first person to turn in his punishment. Where are you guys at? Sorry? I'm having a hard time literally a minute Max I didn't want With his utility and whatnot Nick Tua it's gonna go public. It'll be fucked up. The utility This is insane. Nick Nick. A student of Nick Ball. Nick Ball, arbiter. Yeah. I have a question. Nick of Nick Ball.

Nick of the Nick Ball Company. Some some say that his employees do most of the work. Will this punishment be something that is done multiple times over the course of the game? One time. Or just one? Okay. One time. Okay. So yeah, make it... circle it. Big circle. I have a good one. It took me a while to get there, but I thought of some really crazy shit.

Okay. That sounds like multiple. I thought of some shit that's gonna change everyone's life if it happens. I think you chose to punish me. You know what to tell me. What the fu- why would I do that? Because you hurt me. Why. I think you chose to punish me. You know what to tell me. What the fuh, why would I do that? Because you hurt me. Why would I give you an awesome blowjob? Dude, outside slime goes to give me a gift?

Dude, I'm so mad. He, he's such a piece of shit. I'm a piece of shit. I got you a gift! I said thank you so sincerely. You didn't, you said it almost through teeth. No I didn't. Thank you. Yeah, I like it a lot. What was the gift? Sincerely you did it you said your teeth. I didn't thank you

Yeah, I like it a lot. What was the gift? I got him a big canvas laundry bag Okay, doesn't have to use a garbage bag. It's such a nice kid. So it's still a bag. It's still a bag It's still trashy and stupid and idiotic. You don't want that. What the fuck? You don't want that. Why doesn't he what was trash? On that hold on to that. It's warping you're wearing a real leather jacket. Okay, everyone has killed her. Everyone has completed their punishment I would like you guys now to say who you wrote your punishment for Ludwig fine time Nick Sorry, I just wanted revenge Before we get into the rules By the way, cocksucker Before we get into the rules. Also, I fucking called it by the way, cocksucker. Before we get into the rules, I would like to reveal something to you. You are all going to perform your own punishments if you lose.

They are not for the person you wrote them for. Oh, fuck you, man. This, this, it makes my... There's a slide of, uh, is this your employees? Yes, these are my employees. Um, Lava, you had asked that question. Actually, you got ahead of that question. Yeah.

That was good. What? That's a hundred more dollars than Nikcoin. Hell yeah. That's a hundred more dollars than Nikcoin. Your employees are so young and attractive. And intelligent, yeah. Yeah.

Um, and we're working on their names and titles. I haven't allowed them to have those things right right names Yeah, yeah, all right. So let's get into the rules of Nick ball first of all Nick is God Nick is king so that pretty much means I can I can do whatever I want I can take it I can take away money. I can give money. I can make rules I can change rules and you can earn money through ways that are not described in the rules themselves You can you can be nice to me. It's pretty much the same rules as Nick quiz in that regard. Just want to say that outright.

Rule one of Nick Ball is the richest player at the end of the game wins. Rule two of Nick Ball is all trivia answers must begin with. Well, Nick, me thinks it's. Dude, come on. This is the Stans rule. Do not forget that rule because you will not be given points for the right answer. Well, Nick, me thinks it rule? Do not forget that rule, because you will not be given points for the right answers. Well Nick, me thinks it's,

we relate the stans up every time. Yeah, you go, well Nick, me thinks it's, and then say the answer. You're adding tone, we don't have to do the tone. No, just the words, but the tone will, you know, it'll go a long way with me, I'll say it that way. Okay. Rule number three is wordplay equals money.

That means if at any point, let's say I be, let's say I say something like, like write your answer, come up with a funny piece of wordplay like that way I do. But you didn't just now. No, I couldn't think of anything. What if I say, I thought he had one. I didn't. Everyone thought you were going to do it. What if I said like, Sagar from the back and you were like,

well, you suck and I'm back. I don't know. it's not good. But if you were to say something that makes me- We're getting points for this. I have to go off of what you guys say. I can't do it. Money, I play with her word. See, that would not earn money.

That would be- Wait, hold on, that was better than yours. I was like, boo. Do you lose money if we do what you did? If it's really bad, you will lose money. If it's just neutral and I'm like then Mike, then you don't know, you know, push and then if it's good, you will earn money at any point in the game. So I don't give fucking you get nothing for that.

That was terrible. All right. Rule number four of Nick Falk. You can purchase the right. You can spend money to make a new rule. I want you to cause determined by what you want. Money seems about the word. It's a market and I decide. So we have to offer the idea. to make a new rule. How much does it cost? Determined by what you want. It's a market and I decide. So we have to offer the idea?

You offer an idea and I will barter with you. And then we will arrive to a price we agree on and then you can change the rule. And you have two nitcoins. Already he has two nitcoins. He has the entire economy of nitcoins. I am the king. Is it fractional? What does that mean? No I, are you able to?

No, no, it's not fractional. I'll sell you my coin. How much? Um, you want real money, real like actual money in the world? Yeah, real hard cash. What do you want? What do you want? $101.

I'll allow that. Yeah, if you want to buy a Nikkoin with real money, I'll allow that. You want a hundred? Two. You're, oh my God. Counter? Two? $102.

OK, no. OK, please. Please. It must go up by a point. So I'm holding off. I'm turned off by the 102 comment. Look what you did. I mean, last weird last rule of Nick Ball is simple. There's actually a third hidden rule here that I forgot to say, but I'll say it. So the first hidden rule is you cannot set your ball down. So make sure you have your ball in your hand that won't count

That's fine have your ball in your hand and for the rest of the game you must hold on to it I want to make sure you're using effort to hold it hands on the car. You got so much power You got so much nasty little power for your nasty Don't touch it. Hey, don't ever touch my ball. All right with the ball There will be two types of ways you can use it, dunking and shooting. Shooting, you can do one time at any point in the game, and that's the basket. You have to stay on your chair, and if you make it,

you instantly double your money wherever you are. And whatever you're holding, you double. If you miss it, you lose everything you're holding. So it's up to you if you would like to do it. Wow. You do not need to use your you would like to do it. Wow. You do not need to use your shot. You can do it infinite times. But dunking, you just don't.

Actually, infinite times. I love Nick Gubal. No, one time, you get one time. What the fuck? That's a horrible game. You are shit. Because then you'll spam it. Why does he walk in there?

The second rule is dunking. So the way that dunking is going to work is, you are going to see a screen like this. This is not a real dunk screen. So do not attempt the dunking. Dunk, not real. But you will see a screen like this, and you have to dunk in that hoop.

But it's a race. And I have forgotten a rule of Nick Ball. I'm going to change things right now. You don't have to hold onto your balls. Actually, give me your balls. Everyone give me your ball. Wait, are we breaking the rule if I give you your ball? You know it's a bad game

when you have to explain the rules for 20 minutes. I'm gonna hurt myself. You know Nick made this game. I'm gonna hurt myself playing Nick Ball and I'm gonna sue Nick Company. I'm gonna get her fired. We're gonna get full name fired from title. The actual rule is when this screen pops up,

you must race to your ball and you must be the first to dunk it I'm holding coffee you piece of shit if you dunk your ball you are immune from your punishment I don't even know which one of them is mine whichever one The ritual of picking the balls are relevant yeah, okay Okay, must race your ball fight Bulbasaur and you must the ball. And there is only going to be two dunk screens. So at the end of the game, one of you will not dunk. This is fucking horseshit. And you will be the person who is punished.

Nick, do you see what's in front of me? But you're the most athletic. This is all thought of. I have to get through him. He's the least athletic. If I harm Nick, then I'm out. If you harm Nick in a feat of athleticism, you might be rewarded.

Swing on him, swing on him while running over there. I might, but then he might wake up from a coma in a week and be like, you lost Nick Ball. Well, you'd have a week of not knowing. Are you guys ready for round one of Nick Ball? Is this phase two? This is phase two. Okay. Phase two, round one.

Is phase one the rules? Phase one is the rules. And, well, you also met the staff. If you had money, I'd take it. You also met the staff. Some of us made money in round one. We even change the rules in phase one Really in phase one we decide what Nick ball is We do our homework in class Teacher pick start with round one My kids is he can you make a bone like bonk noise? BOOM

BOOM laughter I'm loud at real life I want the flintstone um Wait wait wait real quick another one When I do this can it be like we're driving though Yabana dude

Yeah And then can we all zoom out of frame? laughter And then put a really big anime character in the sky RG And I'm not paying you more And I'm not paying you more. And I'm not paying you more. We're just adding shit.

That was from February 2023. That's right. And for your first game, I want you guys to torture Archie. Ah! We're gonna go one at a time, and you have to make the hardest five second span of the episode for Archie to work with. But, there is an added caveat. The episode must still be watchable.

So you can't just make a big, if he blurs the whole screen to solve whatever you've done for him, you've ruined the episode because it is not watchable. So you must create a five second span that is difficult for Archie to work with in the edit that still creates a good episode of the podcast. Okay, I have it. Would you like to go first?

Yes, I would. OK, I have it. Would you like to go first? Yes, I would. OK, for five seconds. I would like if Archie paused the video and sang beautifully himself. I want Archie himself to sing beautifully. What was the song you asked? OK, Archie has to sing for five seconds. I would like to sing for five seconds. I would like it to be about the Queen's anthem.

I would like it to be. What about the Queen's anthem? I would like it to be... Oh, man. He's British. No, she's dead. That vile... I would like it to be Queen. You want him to sing Queen? Yeah, somebody to love.

Is there any visual that you want on the screen? Archie. You want... I want Archie green screened right here. Singing somebody to love. I get five seconds. This is my five. Five Archie. Roll the tape.

Can anybody? That was beautiful. You didn't let me finish. Beautiful. Wow. We haven't even heard it and we just know it was good. I can't even believe. I'm okay with Brexit now.

Yeah. Who would like to go next? I would like to go next. All right. Archie for the next five seconds, we are all going to react to Aiden becoming fat, bald and inflated and big and big and juicy and weird. Okay. It's going to look so photorealistic that it can't be discerned that this is actually

fake. No using AI. No, hold up. You can't add that last part. Oh, I mean it. That's the only way it's feasible. No Archie has to find a way. He said no using AI alright

And we're reacting to Aiden getting big three two one Woah! Oh my god! Oh he stinks like shit! You smell bad! You look terrible! I like you more now Dude your breasts are so big! I like you more now Wow good answer!

Good answer! Alright, Eltoni leaves Tubby over here What do you want to do? Alright, Archie, I'm gonna need you to use multiple angles of the camera to shoot me running across the set and doing a 360 while I shoot the basketball and your job is to edit

this in the fashion of a Call of Duty montage using multiple angles and then make the ball go in no matter what. What's the song? As you guys attempt to sing the chorus from Clarity by Zet. Okay. Yeah.

I don't know if I know five seconds of it. I know it, I know it. Okay. Just follow my lead. Okay. And go. If our love is strategy, what are you? If our love is strategy, what are you?

Mike, did you shoot it? Dude, I did. I tried to do this. I mean, it doesn't matter. You know, he, as far as the people see he shot it Wow did you hurt your ankle? Dude if you do if you basketball because you got her playing Nick ball Okay, that is one shot Okay, that count as a shot. That is Aidan's one shot. You get one shot for double. It was double or nothing. You have nothing.

Does it actually count because he has nothing? He loses all his money, which he doesn't have any. But now he can no longer go for the double. Dare I say they're not holding their ball right now? No, it's supposed to be there. He missed the Nick rule. Dude, his head comes raised. Nick and Endam. You've been here for all phase one. Wake up! You were attentive during phase one. Wake up. We for all phase one. You wake up. You were attentive during wake up. We're in phase two.

Well guys guys, I still have to judge. So I really enjoy those. Those are all really I thought Aiden was the only person who took the assignment as I intended which was it would happen here. I see. Yeah, that's bullshit. But I I like you forcing Archie to do something. We do pay him a lot.

That's creative. But, just- it's such delayed gratification. I- I don't- I don't know if he's even gonna do it. I don't know what it's gonna be like. Of course you will. So, I can't award you the win. I figured you wouldn't- Uh, slime, I think had my favorite idea.

Really? Cause I just imagined Aiden getting fat and big and big and juicy and fat and big. Fucking stinky. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't- whatever Archie does, I know I'm gonna love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's gonna be so- Pepperoni nipples, it's gonna be crazy.

So, slime, here's a hundred Nik-Koins. Yes! Oh! Uh, he said this. I can see it through your lips. It's shining through your lips. Don't eat the Nik-Koin. Open your mouth when it's-

Does it taste good? Ah! Ah! It's a damn part of your mouth and I'm trying to join. Oh, this actually looks pretty cool It looks kind of pretty cool to the light behind your teeth um alright. We're in round two of Nick going guys We're fresh gonna change the game with it Let's watch a clip from August 2021 one of them. I came on life for level yeah, wait like

John Evan one you have one one donut, but you have to pick and if like it's Sean Evans You have to eat one donut But you have to pick and if you pick the cum one you have to eat it all But what's, what do I win? If you don't pick the cum one you win 10k Wow, this is good odds Yeah, what the fuck, yeah I would eat the cum donut for 10k I don't care, I know you're clean

I would, I would also do that Dude Don't shake on eating my cum you fucking weirdos. Welcome aboard. 10k is 10k baby. I might have to lower the mug about. I don't know why. You wouldn't do this. No. No shot. What would you do it for? Free.

Welcome to the cum donut. Whoa. Dude as soon as I walked in today, I saw these on the counter and I thought this is going to have to do with the cum donut. Really? Wow. And this sits in your mind? So here's how the cum donut works. There are three delicious donuts and they are filled, but only one of them is the cum donut works. There are three delicious donuts. Dude, they're filled?

And they are filled. But only one of them is a cum donut. Has your cum in it? You guys have the option to eat a donut. If you eat the donut, you will instantly win money. This is such worse odds than the video.

So it's 33% repeating of course. But you do not have to pick one. And you don't have to eat one. Well same with the video. It's not like I was fortunate to eat my cum. This is a f- I feel like this is an important question. And how much money do you win?

You're gonna win a lot of money. Okay, okay. This is an important question. Let's just go back. In the video I offered 10k for a 1 in 12 of eating cum. This is a 1 in 3 and you win some Nick bucks. Which could be worth more than 12 of any currency that we know about.

It's also testing our gangster. Cause like we said we would. Eating cum is not testing your gangster. Well, we said we would. That's I think it's a real gangster eating cum. I mean, it's testing your word. I don't think that's true. You don't think, I don't think, I just want-

You think on the South side, they're not eating a little cum? I just watched American gangster, didn't come up. I'm a eight six motherfucking gangster crew There's an important question here like a done it who came whose come it? That's information you get after you eat the donut. No! I don't think so. I don't think so. We're allowed to know the nutrition of what we put in our bodies. Is it clean?

Because it's like, Zipper, maybe he's been eating pineapple for four weeks straight. Okay, this is what I'll say. The cum donut is not actually cum. But it isn't cream filling from the donut. It's something else I wish it was come can we go back? would you like me to go ask the chef to change it?

would you like me to bring it back to the kitchen? alright, plug in show over here alright which one do you want? well can I see them? no because you did a fucking butch job putting them all together well Rich did it so why don't you tell it to Rich oh wait one of them has finger marks on it I'm not trying to Rich. Oh wait, one of them has finger marks on it.

I'm not trying to meta game, but one of them has clearly has finger marks on it. Do you want to go first? I think I literally touched it as I opened it. Are you guys all going to take one? Give me one. All right, which one do you want? This one. All right. Do I? Wait, wait, you touched it.

You can't put it back. You touched it. I'll take one. I'll take one. It's like chess. I want to change my answer. No, no, no, no, no, no. All right, everyone on three. Take a big bite of your donut. OK. A big bite.

A big bite. Ready? Three, two, one, bite. I got cream. I think this is cream unless I like cum. Wait, wait, are there no punishments? Did we have to trust each other? Is that he's got yellow. He's got yellow mustard.

Oh, it's the mustard. It doesn't have mustard in it. I just took two creamy bites. And there's mustard on this. Oh, it's on the other side. Oh, you have on the other side This is my fault but I Like that, you know what that is man shit. Oh you ate the mustard doughnuts gangster. Thank God. It wasn't come Yeah

To be honest I would have loved if Aiden was gonna come right out Aiden, are you taking a bite after? That's 500 Oh! That's 500 Nick Bucks 500 Nick Bucks Thank you I'm faking it Oh it's kinda, if you let it sit it's kinda good

I'm finishing it That's disgusting I was gonna take that one and change my mind but you stopped me Uh yeah the other two are just normal awesome donuts and that one has uh seemingly not enough mustard in it which is my fault Dude I was so close to eating this when I was sitting over there. Oh you were gonna grab one? Yeah I was gonna eat it.

That's what I, when I watched it I saw the donuts and I was like mmm donuts and then I saw that there was only three and then there were cream donuts and I was like this has to do with the coming donuts. The siren call. The siren call of a donut. Get that off. Get that off of me. Lick that off.

Get that off me. Alright you guys ready for round three? Right. Let's hop right into it. Me think, me think, Nick. Don't laugh. You guys ready? Do not laugh.

Pfft. Ooh. Ooh. Oh, come on. All three of you have failed. Oh, come on. The don't laugh round. I've never seen that before

You can't expect a man not to laugh in that That's a world's first All three of you have lost the don't laugh challenge It was a man who dressed up as Robin Hood but he was color blind and he had a cone up his ass A fucking covered in chocolate and mustard watching a guy fart on the TV He looked like Mermaid Man. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a Mermaid Man sex tape.

We'll watch it one more time. I can't do it. And he goes, ooh. What is the context of that? I had our production assistant, Aaron, look at about two hours worth of fart videos. For that? And that's the one I took out. That is crazy.

I mean, you had to find one you haven't seen. I knew it would make everyone laugh. Is that what he was doing on the laptop the whole day? Yes, that was almost exclusively what he was doing. That's a busy day at work. He sent me a message that said, I have six farts in there already, and I screenshotted it. All right, round four.

It's a dunk round y'all. Oh Ludwig is in the lead! Oh Ludwig dunked the ball! This is why I don't go to basketball. Ludwig you are now immune from your punishment. Congratulations. Dude wait, your punishment that you chose for Aidan? Yeah.

Guys, please put two of the balls back down I was holding coffee. It was a whole well you gotta be prepared for You gotta be prepared for any round of Nick ball Because I knew it was gonna come after If I lose the next one oh, dude you got mustard on your fucking shoes Yeah, well you can be physical with your opponent you can prevent prevent him from dunking. Nick, can I ask you a question? Yes. Um, I don't do my punishment.

The one I wrote down. You are safe. You will not do any punishments no matter what happens. Oh, the last person to last person doesn't dunk next. They don't know it all next. Yeah, I'm done. You say you say I thought you do the punishment if you lose the whole game. No, if you don't get your dunking.

Yeah, so it's really a one on one dunk. This is a one on one. There's going to be one more dunk screen in Nick Ball and you need to be ready. I don't have my fucking coffee anymore. My cryptos in my pocket. Can I ask Nick from the Nick Ball Company? It feels like what is the what? What dunking?

But also, but if we make the dunk, the rest of the game doesn't matter. Am I am I correct? Oh, my God. Still one of you will win or lose Nick. You can still win or lose. It's a win. It's the punishment. The money is how you win. It's not just about not losing. This was in phase one. It's all this was in. Remember when he remember when he went to hand me his paper

after Ludwig tried to hand me the paper, I said, Oh, no, you hold on to it. I mean, it really is George Cassandra's. A lot of this is you canu can you pull it up? Did you pull George Costanza's mom really fast? His hair. It just looks like George Costanza's mother. I love it today. I look like an Italian mother. Okay, let this be a lesson to the players in Nick Ball that you gotta be ready. How about this? You, I mean you saying I am allowed to physically stop someone from playing.

Whatever it takes. I mean I cheesed there. I don't know if you saw. He threw the balls. Yeah. He threw them away. Yeah, I would have done the same thing. Yeah, it was a stratagem. I will make sure to stay out of your way.

That's great. I'm gonna fucking kill you, man. Round 5 of Nick Ball. March 10th, 2022. Anthony walks into my room with a hammer and walks in front of me and says, what do you do it? And I was just like, what?

I don't know, I'm on my phone and he takes the hammer and he fucking hits my wall full force. There is a hole in my drywall because It is true. This is called the slime challenge. Successfully punch a hole in some drywall Where's the drywall gonna be right here for you you just want it first

That's not dry well, it's not the same drywall. That's like no that's thick bro. Is this drywall? I don't know, that's not drywall. Is that the same drywall that's like... No, that's not like the same drywall that's like... You came up so confident. This is the drywall you put in your wall. That's not the drywall you put in my wall. Yeah, yeah. That's harder. I got this. You got this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I stand up? Also, for the other two, if you're scared, I have MMA gloves. You have to hold this shit real firm, by the way.

I'm gonna hold it firm. Real firm. Alright, let's do it. If you buckle even an inch, it will fuck him up. I got you got it, man Dude, I hope he gets all the way through and hits Nick Did that hurt This is a good point. They don't go. Did that hurt? I'm just kidding. Did it hurt? A little bit.

You chopped it in half like a karate. Oh my god. That was badass. Who's next? Also, what is that? French hazelnut? Who's next? Who's next? It's French hazelnut. I can tell. I'll go next. Okay.

You got the confidence to succeed now. Oh yeah, I can go. Dude, he's gonna break more shit on his bones. Dude, you're gonna show Tabassi all the broken wrist? Shut up! Okay, my bad. Shut up! You're doing really good today Poor guy I can't believe you just freaking hit her. Poor guy. You pulled back, bro.

Dude, that is so awesome. You definitely had enough force, you pulled back. Look at all the damage. He got close. Look. The other side felt it. Yeah. Oh.

Wow. That is awesome. That hurts. You got some cracks in there. All right. Oh. You got some cracks in there. You got to sit on it. Basically you turn your foot and you kind of bend, sit on your punch. Oh! Got me?

Oh! Let's go! You're a strong guy. That hurts so bad. That's a great punch. Oh, I hated that. You guys, well, in the ranking, Oh You guys will in in the ranking oh The most the best at being an abusive boyfriend and it would be the worst

Do I knock at a point for being good absolutely You to Nick coin. That's fair. I'm gonna give you one Yeah, that's fair. Oh fucking punch session hurt my see ya I mean, I hurt mine too bad. So I was like control remember when I said I control Did you just eat one of the drywall in my mouth? Ah It's in my mouth. That's so fun. You're welcome Any gift to you and I feed thank you. Thank you for your drywall. Uh oh. Fake. It's fake. Yeah. My 2012 Scrapyard trick shot just reentered the algorithm

and went viral, y'all. And it just doubled in value. Let's go. How much do you guys have? How much fiat do you have, pussy? How much coin do you guys have? I have three coins. You have three. What do you have? I got four. You have four? All right. You now have eight. What?

And you now have eight. What? And you now have six. Let's go. So let's get you guys sorted. So what about my fiat? Oh no, that's static. You picked that. What about my fiat?

Well, it's backed by the good faith of the American constitution. You understand? This is not, this can go crazy. Especially in like Argentina. Bobby, I'm taking my shot. Your hand hurts. Taking your shot?

I'm taking my shot. Oh my God. Bobby's going for his shot. You can lose it all. Oh, ref. Yeah, I got you. Look at the tight relationship you have with the officials. Hey, that's a fucking player.

Five yards. Five yards. Oh shit. Five yards. What is this? Another Afghans podcast? Ludwig in shooting the three and he's not wet at all. It was actually God. Thank God. It's about as close.

No, no, no. Yeah. That's what it is. All your money.'ve ever been. No, no, no. Yeah. That's what it is. Lose all your money, dude! It's double or nothing. You lose all your money, bro. What did you think? Please give me any rules.

You just thought it was for doubling for fun? I did. I forgot. I'm hodling, bro. It was all in phase one. I might. I'm the only one that likes rules, apparently. I know all the rules of Nick Ball.

I respect the rules. And you broke your pinky. That does look cool. Why don't you put six in there? Wait, can you have one in your mouth? For tricking the referee of Nick Ball, I will let you keep it. Why would you do that? Alright, you guys ready?

Move forward. Round six. Nominate a captain. In this game you guys play, you will all be on a team. But you need a captain. Alex smokes mid. I'm gonna nominate Alex. It's gonna game you guys play, you will all be on a team, but you need a captain. Alex smokes mid, I'm gonna nominate Alex. It's gonna be one of us three, dude. I'm gonna nominate Slime.

I'm gonna nominate... When the darkness comes, I think he'll lead us then. Okay, nominate one of them. I'll nominate Slime. I'll nominate Slime. Okay, Slime is the captain. Okay. Wait, I kinda wanna nominate Nick.

No. Slime is your captain and you are Captain Gay. Oh yeah. Commander of the USS Lovegees. Dude, that's so me. You are giving a motivational speech to your crew during a stormy expedition. All the while, the crew, you two,

are organizing a revolt to overthrow the captain, which you are clear has nothing to do with the captain's name or its implications of his sexual preferences. Role play, the overthrowing of captain gay, you either all get points or none of you do. Is, is, is everyone on the USS love Jizz gay? I don't know. I wouldn't want to ask what they're. It's a workplace. There's a sexual preferences. I don't know who they can ask that.

I'm captain gay. Yes. But that's my information. They know you're captain gay. We don't even know that you captain gay. Yes, but that's my They know your captain game name we don't even know that you're I want to say this is during don't ask Don't tell era of the military. Okay Maybe I do and you did name the ship the USS love Jizz. We'll call it. That was me. That was you This is my ship I'm a captain and they are your crew and you don't realize that they are plotting to overthrow you just call it the right You're giving a motivational siege because you're in a rocky storm. Right, right, right.

And you're trying to make it, you're trying to persevere. We might not make it out. They have been planning this revolt for a while. Okay. And they've just convinced the others and they're about to take it to the final step. You guys ready? Action. Gentlemen, it's me, Captain Gay.

You notice I'm wearing a harness and- Yes, Sir Gay. Sir. Gay Sir wearing a harness and- Yes sir, gay! Sir! Gay sir, gay! And leather, thank you so much. Guys, it's dangerous out here. Um. We've noticed! I'm not gonna lie to you. It's been quite rocky.

It's been a little rocky. Can I get a status report on the weather? Should I- yeah, it's gay! It's looking rather gay. It's looking gay outside. It's outside. It's gay outside. It's looking perfect conditions for you. No, it's looking super gay for the lovejizz. I feel like there's some animosity. Gay weather for the lovejizz. I just feel like the structure of this boat doesn't feel as solid as the other boats.

Are you somehow trying to say that you enjoy the naming convention? Some of the other people on this boat might be more well equipped to captain the boat. Captain Gay, sir. Mr. Captain Gay. Love Jizz was my grandfather, and he fought in the Civil War. Captain Gay, he fought on the Confederate side, sir. It was complicated. And second off, we just don't like the name Love Jizz.

You don't? Well, my girl at home left me because I told her I worked on the Love Jizz with Captain Gay. And I want to hold down a relationship. It's not really about the name for me. I feel like it's more just your... My discomfort with your background. For me it's just the name, I am homophobic. Well, let's meet in the middle. Guys, we gotta get to the brig, we gotta start doing work to combat this storm.

What do you say we all bring it in like a group... A group? Kiss. No! See? See? I told you! All I wanted was a little love and affection from you, my captain. Yes! I mean, it's... If you guys can keep it quiet, I'll give you whatever you want. I won't keep quiet unless you change the name or make him captain. What do you propose the name change?

I would name it to Hate Jizz. On me. Hate Jizz on me. Sir, an iceberg! Oh god, okay! Really quick, let's meet in the middle. Neutral on Jizz. The USS Neutral on Jizz.

Jizz exists. Do we still... get to kiss? Young private? Scout? What do they call him in the Navy? Scout? Skipper? Yes. But he can't know about it. A name change? A kiss? That's two of our four demands! My last demand! Show me! You wanna see it? Yes!

God, the iceberg's coming. Okay. Captain Gay quickly now! Quickly now Captain Gay! Quick! Before the iceberg hits! And I reveal, I'm a eunuch. It's just a patch. He can't be gay. And saved! Wow! Well done. That will, I'll give you all money. We never went to that damn UCB shit either.

We just do this. That's one fiat, one money. And one micoin for the two of you. For the lot of you. This is an actual argument that I just had right now. Because Aiden, this is a MeUndies ad. MeUndies is great.

And he was saying, I have so many of these. It's awesome. I don't have any. You know, I also don't have. I have very old ones. And they're over half of my underwear now. That's insane, dude. That's insane because my my shit I run out. I lose my underwear a lot.

Don't ask why. But you actually you need to start breaking me off some of this because we get them for free because we're sponsored. And it's annoying that you have them all. You're running it right now. Yeah, I was running out of underwear. Honestly, before we got sponsored by me, I just hadn't gone to buy new pairs of underwear similar to slime.

I think I slowly would lose them over time. They go away. Well, tell me how they are. And then they're wonderful, breathable, stretchy, a little fashionable. They're very comfortable. So I guess that includes you a snake Yeah, snake butts, but also honest butts like myself Yeah, they also if you're somehow not happy with them you can your first pair. It's on me undies, which is kind of nice But I think that you can tell it's a good product cuz I'm pissed that I'm not that you're taking is literally fighting over it

Yeah You can tell it's a good product because I'm pissed that I'm not that you're taking it from me. Because we're literally fighting over it. Yeah. I want to keep them for myself because of how much I've enjoyed them and how much I actually like this product. And you will never get any of the ones we're sent because I will keep stockpiles. Yeah, I'm gonna kick your fucking head off. If you ever wondered why the rest of the clothes on your body aren't as comfortable as underwear, they've got you covered. They have joggers. They have all sorts of hoodies, onesies, and more. If you ever wanted to wear an adult onesie. Yeah, if we got those in the mail, you probably take that too. Yeah, absolutely

You probably have sex in it None of that is happening with any of the males on this podcast I'll say that much Anyway slide into game-changing comfort with me undies support the show by going to me undies.com slash zipper They use the promo code zipper, which means they're ball knowers. You get 20 off your first order plus free shipping Let them know your balls Wait, we go by putting on their underwear undies. Let them know your balls. Yeah, which is a lot different They used to do say comfort from the outside in but I think they just want your balls now use code zipper zipper Anyway, we're gonna get back to the episode. Ludwig disappeared because he went to Scotland,

and he's probably getting stuffed with some sort of sheep. With intestines. Yeah. Let's get back to Nick Ball. Ugh. All right, round seven. Oh, I have so much. I'm so rich.

I went into his old hometown. It was a long time ago. We went up with one of his old high school friends. And he's weird, too. And he's like, oh, you and my old man, we're a couple of c******. No. No. No. What? And I'm like, like weird too and he's like, oh you my old man. We're a couple of Told that story the first time I've never heard that phrase and I'll say it ever when I'm trying to make you guys laugh I'll'll like, I'll pull out my **** and it's just like really crap. It's so crap. It's so cool.

It is. It cuts so hard. It is jarring. I do not like that at all. It'll get this video demonetized actually. My dad, I'm sorry, I keep it out of my diary, he tells me this story. This was a long time, he's like, I'll tell you what, I went to an orgy and I'm like, what are you talking about? He's like, so I was like 18 and I flew out to California because I knew a guy out there who like played jazz.

He's actually really good at the piano, which is also weird and so he's like I went to California and I I like I met up with these guys and they took me to this like Mansions like this rich people's mansion and I figure out it's an orgy and everyone's like taking their clothes off and they start having sex And I'm like 16 right and so I start you know, I'm a joker and he's so fast He's like and I start pulling my Pulling my Primus song Like and I go up and I go up to this you this woman, and she's naked, and I'm like,

hey, and he's like, talk about himself. He's being a prick. He's like, hey, could you possibly, perhaps, like, suck my dick? Could you pleasure my put? And she goes, no. And he's like, and so I didn't have sex with anybody, and I just ended up just leaving.

And I went home. He jerked off in the corner in an orgy. That was the story he told you. So that's when you said that. Seven years were a crazy place. The economy was terrible at the time. Must have been. And that's how we got by.

That's what gets us through the recessions. As human beings. We learn new sex moves. The Kama Sutra was actually during the Great Depression any new heads if you don't remember I actually called my dad to ask him about this and I Uploaded the combo with him And It's on the patreon. It's like way back in like the first year or whatever

So you want to hear my dad tell this story himself it's pretty funny. Alright guys five foot five bombshell Zoe is waiting on the other end of the phone together strategize messages to secure a date with her don't rush she wants to get to know you guys first. Here you guys go. Riz 101 what is this? You can text her this is Zoe you guys need it you guys pick someone who's gonna type but you need to all work together, and you just secure a date with Zoe Can we get that pulled up on the screen? Oh? Oh, I see okay Go ahead and open have sex with me. No don't we don't rush do it like you would do Aiden. What would you do?

Okay, well, I would say I would say my friends told me not to message you But I'm glad I did. Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no. What does that mean? What does that mean? It's uh-

What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean?

What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean?

What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean?

What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? You know, you're kind of dangerous. Yeah. Not everyone believes me. I'm sick. Five five. She's bad. She's got a little attitude. She's got a little attitude. She's bad as fuck.

OK, what would you say here? Oh, like to open? I would say she's five foot five. She's waiting, by the way. And she's waiting. Let me tell you how much attitude does she have? I mean, that's a question that she could answer. I don't know her that well.

How much attitude do you have? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Ludwig. Yeah. I think, wait, wait, wait. Listen, how about we just send an image. Memes are funny. They're the universal language. Yeah, they'd say so much. No, we don't do that. Send our penises. We don't send our penises. All three of our penises.

That would be three times as bad. All right. No, no, no, no, no, no. Why do you have mustard on your shirt? These are shorts, bro. You have mustard on your shirt. What? Maybe just send that. You know what? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, How do you get this mustard stay out? This is honestly not a bad opener. How do you get this mustard stay out? I think it's better if you don't show your crotch because it implies, you know, but. I'm just showing the mustard stay.

Right. Yeah. Sorry. Follow LOL. All lowercase. Don't don't do capital. If you do capital L in the beginning, you fuck us. All lowercase. No! Wow. Don't don't do capital if you do capital L in the beginning you fuck us all our case Wow Who is this? Dude I don't like this I feel like that's why I'm feeling like this

Oh no Say it's Aidan reply it's Yeah on hindsight the picture of the mustard might be a bit crass. Is this Ludwig's mom or something? Looks like you let the stain settle. It might be kind of hard to get out LOL. Oh that's good, that's good. Heart, and then arrow and a heart.

Oh, I shouldn't have told her, it's me. No, no, no, that's a... Oh. Not LOL. Dude, who's... I think this is Nick's mom. I'm trying to think of somebody who's 5'5 and bad. Yup, yup, it's settled. It's Nick's beautiful, beautiful mother. And now that we know that, we know how to talk to her better. Nick did the funniest thing today. Say it. Nick did the funniest thing today.

That's a great message. The guy that DM'd me that he wanted to eat it outside like outdoor bollocks. I'm like, I'm gonna eat it outside. I'm like, I'm gonna eat it outside. I'm like, I'm gonna eat it outside. I'm like, I'm gonna eat it outside. I'm like, I'm gonna eat it outside. today say it Nick did the funniest thing today it's a great message the guy that DM'd me that he wanted to eat it outside like outdoor boys who did you tell that to did you DM someone you wanted to eat it outside like outdoor boys you know It looked like a real account! I can't! You know how door boys are retiring?

I saw that! Because everyone was saying, eat it like Outdoor! And then he's gonna! Is he your twink friend? Who is this? Be honest. He looks like- Take a picture of him, take a picture of him and you say, you tell me. Yes. Ooh, I like that. That's-

We're so good as a team. Damn, the camera on this thing sucks! Yeah, it's a little but. This is for grandmas to take pictures I like that. That's uh, we're so good as a team. Then the camera on this thing sucks Little boy. This is for grandmas to take pictures of their mahjong you tell me You yell me you tell me you got to take auto cap. Yeah, so bad guys. You're not flirting Yeah, we are. Yeah, this is you better related for ten years. I don't here's This is how you do it. I'll let you cook. Absolutely not. Okay.

Ooh, what are we doing? What are we doing? She says W-I-D. All right, reply T-S space PMO space N-G-L. And then a Wilting Flower emoji. Wait, T-S, PMO space N-G-L, Wilting Flower emoji. Wait, T.S.? What? PMO... Space... NGL... Wilting Flower emoji. NGL, L, L, L.

And then reply... Pull through or shut up. Wow, risky. You... I don't... We shouldn't be talking to Zoe like this. I feel like you got a little aggressive. We had to make a play. We had to make a playie We had to make a play

We had to make a play We're in the fourth quarter down 10 we had to make a fucking play Do you wanna see what I look like? Wait We do but we have to play this cool You can't be like yes You can't be like yeah yeah I wanna fucking see Wait no no no back up back up delete everything

Click the voice note and then go hubble bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble Zoe said also your breath stinks. What fuck how does she know that? Well, she's talking about Aiden because it's the only person she knows she's talking to what Look at it open it up you idiot. Oh, she's bad Look at it! Open it up you idiot! Oh she's bad! She's fucking bad and she's taking it with a digital camera It's Madison Beer No that's Zoe

Wait that's Madison Beer? She's beautiful This is Madison Beer Oh No that's Zoe I think Dude we're getting catfished No no no no I took this X

Dude ask her to take a picture of That's Zoe Beer Holding up two fingers Quick I mean Take a picture You did a face sign. I can't. I'm driving through a store.

What's going on? So many kids. But she's texting. Dude, is this Alex? At some point, you guys need to. Hubbububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububub. It's not a voice message. Hub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub-ub Wanna go... What's that casino? The bike? Hustlers? I have comps. I'm telling you I have a member card.

I have comps. Member card, member card, member card. Yes! They love member cards. If you're bald, I'll pass. Wait, send a picture of your hair. Maybe use Ludwig's hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, use mine, use mine. We can use Ludwig's. Well, I like the coin flip of using Aiden's. I don't think that helps. Ludwig, can you explain... It worked. Can you explain this play? Huh?

Can you explain this play? Honey, I got no hair. I got no hair. I got no hair. I got no hair. I don't think that helps. Love it. Can you explain it worked? Can you explain this play? Huh? Can you explain this play? Honey, I got no hair anywhere. Clearly on my mustache. The play is I'm not fucking playing into their game.

All right. I'm setting the rules here. Well, wait, what? Arabic. Can we get that translated? Translate, translate, translate. Translate is built translated? Translate, translate, translate Translate, translate, translate It says, what is this in Arabic? My god, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to say that

This is so stupid We gotta, we gotta Shitter get off the pot Are you in or are you out? I'm down to gamble? Wait, we got it Okay Wow, and the written reply. Dude, that's clever.

That is swag. Where'd you get this Riz? Baguabadi, how do you think it happened? We bagged awesome Zoe who looks a lot like Madison Beer. Wow. And also accidentally spoke Arabic. I'm sure there's a link that they'll send that can link to their socials or some sort of... We can go back to the presentation.

Guys, congratulations on bagging Zoe. Let's go. Nice work. Nice work. I'm going to give you guys points in order of impact, I think. So, hmm. Aidan, I feel like was throwing a wrench in it kind of the whole time. Yeah, I feel like he was really just making it more difficult. So, Aidan, I'm going to give you a hundred. I feel like you need a wild card when you.

You did send a picture with your crotch in it. And the first thing, how do you get a stand out? Ludwig really took control. I like that from you. So Ludwig, here's to Nick Cohen. Appreciate that. And Simon, give you one for being the picture that secured the deal. I apparently that's what she likes. Can we count? She low key lied. to Nick coin appreciate that and Simon give you one for being the picture that secured the deal I Apparently that's what she likes. Can we count she low-key lied for one two three four five six seven eight Oh my god eight coin seven seven. Okay, so you're in second place. You're in first place and you are in last place

What I say you for? slime first eight in second Ludwig third Eight fuck fucked up the mic you guys ready? What'd I say you for audio listeners? Uh, slime first, Aiden second, Ludwig third. Alright, round eight. Ready? Fuck, I fucked up the mic. You guys ready? Round eight, you ready? Yes. It's gonna be a dunk.

Uh oh! It's not a dunk. Misunderstood as anything besides ironic banter, the public was misled into believing Nick is actually a misogynist. Nick just felt quadruple its value. Wow, so I have to give you three. Yeah. I have eight.

So six. I have to give you six. That's it over. Hand it over. You picked the volatile route. Thank you. Well, it's time for me to fucking nut up or shut up. What's that?

It's not a good idea right now because it's going to go up again. Shoot it. No crypto. I need to double it now. Okay. What's the shot? I need to double it now wanna take your shot? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, again nobody have you considered that nobody's defending him right now you're do when he shoots in the clear he has a show I'm gonna lose quiet everyone on court that's disgusting it was him that was Ludwig what what you did off the tree give me that shit How much you got? I got two, I needed two more Okay, I'm giving you four more Wet Wow

Because he called wet Dude, called wet? Wow Used the environment? No, that was kinda badass That was- That was- That was like a-

Let's go That was like an okay go video That's gotta be the coolest thing you've ever done Wow Oh my god I told you I'm due I can't believe he hit that shit. That was awesome If I would have guessed who would have made their shot

Let's just say it wasn't live and they didn't ask you to go on the dude peep cruise No, ask me now after after Kobe sees that there's gonna be a fucking weird face I know Nick is a dunk right here round nine Arizona back where Sun Devils to get real hot oh Oh Arizona back where Sun Devils to get real hot oh Be like yeah, Marsha right Quad and there was Breslin Reiler do you remember Rush week?

Dumpers was dumb part about all this is that he's literally met three of the people I went to college with I went to New York didn't name them. I need to name Breslin and Marsha Yeah, I'm not oh, I'm talking about all there together though. There's no reason that's like yeah I know it was more of the pee was like the deep cuts. Yeah, but you wouldn't remember okay Yeah, there's kind of like club thing you can get really involved in like I got involved a lot of You're in the smash improv corners you might not have known Breslin you didn't know Breslin You think he wasn't? Do you remember we went to that morning bar and bros were like, you weren't there? You always pull out really good like actual college party shit. Cause you did it.

I hope you guys remembered the last part of that clip where he said you went to the morning bar and he said he was crazy. He started doing, finish that sentence or it finishes you. He started doing what? Trivia. And this was the birth of breast. Jello shots. Wait, wait, wait before you answer write it down. Okay Well, I answered it's kind of I'm going to answer the answer is not Jello shots. Yay I mean, what about my answer? Breslin was crazy. I don't hear your answer. Okay. He thinks the answer is

He started doing... You ready? Yeah. 3, 2, 1, flip. Lines. Whippets. And you said LSD slash drug? Yeah. Okay. That's two answers. Drugs. None of these are the right answer. Dude, Breslin was crazy. The correct

answer is he started doing two shots at once. It's hard to remember. It's just a Breslin also did so much. Yeah, like which time at the morning bar could they right after the two shots at once? Oh, no. No. What do you mean? I mean, I can't do that.

I thought of you. Oh, you got Keto's? That actually his answer there. That makes me I think I'd rather be. You can buy your way out of this one. Do you have to drive anywhere today? You got Keto's? That actually, his answer there, that makes me, I think I'd rather be me. You can buy your way out of this one. Do you have to drive anywhere today? Would he have to do two shots at once?

I'll take one. Or you can buy your way out. How much does it cost? Barter with me. I have one. I'll take your one. That would get me out of a shot. Yeah.

So if I did two shots, I would get 10? Yes. 10. Five. You said 10. You said yes. I'll give you 10. For two shots?

At once. You can't do them like that. You have to do them like Breslin. Well, boys, Breslin died a long time ago and it's time I remembered him. You're taking a shot? It's two shots. You're doing two? Just like Breslin would.

You're doing two for Iraq? Wow. And then Slime, would you like, he's doing the artist face. I'm going to level with you guys. What is he doing? I, under no circumstance, want to do the punishment that I wrote down. What about this? Wow.

Wow. It. Wow. It's awesome. That looks like a fucking Sequoia, dude. Dude, you are. Dude, Teddy Roosevelt protecting. Actually, hold on a moment. That's true. Once. Oh, I didn't know about. Oh, wait, Anthony.

Yours is soy sauce. Oh, that has alcohol in it. You're trying to fucking break my message. It look at the package. What is this taking the package? What's that? That's a cock ring that's off my knee lever that I'm installing on Ludwig's Dick oh, I'm remembering what it was like to be a Sun Devil Sun Devil horns It does not say alcohol does say wheat Hmm same shit. You lied give it. Well you do it out of the packet or out of the shot glass? I'm gonna do the shot glass. I'll do it ceremonially

He says that soy sauce is alcohol. I'm saying it don't. Some of it does because sometimes I look at the package And it says alcohol and I'm like well, that's fine But I was trying to get off on a technicality. Would you like to do it like Breslin? Of course I'd like to do it like Breslin. You kidding me? Time's right. Time's right. So basically I'm drinking.

It low-key smells good. Do you like that? Soy sauce? Do you like that I'm drinking? We just checked with Siri. Yeah, it low-key, this low-key smells good. I had soy sauce yesterday. I was with you, bro.

Low-key, low-key, you should smell it and do it. I won't as God known may. Here's one and here's two. Would you guys like to say a little bit of a word to Breslin while we? What's up Breslin? I know you're down there in hell with us all in London right now because You had a hand in all of that. He did have a hand that went down But I want to say personally you touched a lot of lives and you I mean not including the lives in New York City that day Yeah, but the lives a lot of people in college that I think in hindsight I feel like he crossed a few lines and I don't you know

I don't know how I feel about that and that's kind of like what you have to do is Reconcile with the people that you knew when you were younger and sort of get perspective on the things that they made. But that boy could party! He could party so hard. But he could party. And that's what we're remembering right now. To Breslin. To Breslin. It's like one day of the year you can remember that he partied and the other 364.

He flinched more than him. I don't even put soy sauce on my shit, bro. I hate it. Hey, good job. Good job, guys. If I get the hiccups, I'm fucking decking you. Oh, dude. If he gets a hiccup...

No, I'm just kidding. Here's your reward. Hey, more money. Here's your reward. Thank you, thank you. It's a good thing that I was wet from three. You were wet from three and now I think you could be in the lead. In the follow-up to this quote, which I also thought was funny, was Aiden goes

If he would never just do one All right, ready? Slime just stood in front of him and said what are you gonna do? Oh no! And he fucking slams it! Slime just stood in front of him and said, what are you gonna do? And Aang just ran around him. Cause that's what he was always gonna do. Slime tried to shake him down like they were in the street. Dude, I was like, I can't punch him in the face. God, I got soy sauce in me.

I'm an athlete. Alright. It's time to serve your punishment. What did you write down for someone else? God I got soy sauce in me I'm an athlete It's time to serve your punishment. What did you write down for someone else? Should we read ours that we don't to do? Yeah, please everyone. Let's go start with Aidan. What did you guys write? Yeah, what were you so scared of? I wrote down I wrote down that slime had to Suck two toes of one member on the set of the show. Oh my you freaky frog.

Jesus Christ. So you would have to have done that. Yeah. You little freaky frog. I wrote that Nick has to give me his shoes. So that would have sucked so bad. Well no, because I would have to have given you my shoes. That would have been lit.

Because I think it's the flip. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, why would it suck so bad? Do you like your shoes a lot? Yeah! These were gifted to me. Oh. No!

No! No! You wanna see? You hiccuped. Oh, it's fine. It's not that bad. Sigh. Ludwig calls Cutie and says he got arrested and she has to bail him out. Pfft.

Ha ha! So you have to call Cutie? Yeah. Ha ha! Just not in a million years would she buy that I think. If you did it maybe. That's the funny part. I have to call her and say slime was arrested? No, no, I call her. You call her.

I feel like if you call and you say are you with Ludwig? And she says no and she's like I couldn't get him to answer. You start with that then you say I'm arrested yeah she might buy that and he never picks up he never picks up all right I hope she doesn't pick up bro I think she will man I think she will you're basically prank calling her no it's not a prank I'm in jail no laugh. I'm not gonna say a damn word I don't think he's gonna last here. Oh well, oh

well Wow If she calls back during the course of the episode you must pick up if she doesn't you don't have to do it later very lucky round 10 of Nick ball Okay, this is a freestyle round Round 10 of Nick Ball. Okay. This is a freestyle round.

This is your chance to shine in any way you deem fit. If you would like to try to earn some money, impress me. If you would like to really anything you want freestyle and who would like to go first? It's got to all be off top. Freestyle. White boy like me. Let me tell you something. Oh shit.

Shhh. Hello. Hello. Hey, this sucks to have to call you about. I tried calling Ludwig. He obviously didn't pick up. I am, I got arrested. What? Okay.

Yeah. So I'm in, shit, what is it? Glend What? Okay. Yeah. So I'm in, um, shit, what is it, Glendale? Okay. I'm in the Glendale, like, holding place or whatever. Okay. And I just need someone to come get me and like, I don't know if you can use a card for bail, but they won't let me do it.

Okay, so grab cash? Yeah, just grab some cash. Do you know how much? Hey, how much? Seven thousand. That's like seven thousand. Oh, OK, that's not bad. OK, I really, I really.

What's the address? It's the it's just the Glendale like PD or whatever. I don't know. I can send it to you They're letting me use my phone was just cool, but this one's Burbank All right, I really appreciate it You gotta call her now! You have to call her, you have to call her, you have to call her! Wow! That's a cutie! Oh my god! Oh god. This is bad, you gotta call her.

She's supposed to call her in 10 minutes. This is so bad! This is so bad, I don't like this bit anymore. Okay, hey listen. We were on the show show I had to do that as a punishment it was supposed to be Ludwig who did that and it got reverse carded on me. I'm not in jail. We just did it for the bit. Please don't leave the house or do any of that. Do whatever you're gonna do this day. And I gotta say that was the most gangster shit to ever respond to that. That was crazy, cause I literally grabbed my purse with my ID and my debit card and I already called Pokimane and cancelled girl dinner. No! That was- no, you just call her back, just call her back, just call her back. And we'll send her flowers, and we'll send her flowers.

Yeah, but that was insane. I I'm beside myself with loyalty That was the hardest show is real as fuck Dude if I get arrested I'm going to cutie. All right Thank you. You know what? Honest to God, I thought you were going to tell me that Ludwig got in a motorcycle accident. Yeah, I wanted to, you know what? As soon as I started that, I was like, Ludwig didn't pick up. I wanted to make sure that was out of your mind, so I made it clear that he wasn't hurt. Poki's going to think I'm crazy. I called Poki, I was like, hey, I can't explain anything, but I have to cancel Golden.

I know you're on your way, but like I have to go get Slime. Wait, call her back, call her back. Okay, come on. Oh my god. Oh my god, that's the realest shit ever. Wow, excellent work. She's a real one. Excellent work. She's cool, man. That was sick.

We are still in the freestyle round. Would anyone like to perform or do anything earn some money Oh, yeah. Yeah, I want to talk about I've seen you with your shirt off a lot. Okay Think about it a lot. Okay, I see me now. No, I Think you have the bet out of the four of us. I think you have the most round nipples Oh, I think I do have pretty round nipples Cheerios if you will get a load of that okay I love Aiden writes. I love you. He also I think he was about to write a what is the V is it gonna be a Y? Oh, it's it's a little typo. He's a gore just had to you wrote it right down. Mush it here Okay, I'll get rid of the tip does that make you feel more comfortable

We got around He said I'm very uninterested by you right now. Fuck! They're so good. I just wanted to let you know that I notice things about that. And I think that's good. Do I look like I've lost weight? Ludwig, what's yours? What's my freestyle round?

Mine is actually a moment of silence. For which everyone please shut the fuck up. That's good. What was that for? Huh? What was it for? 9-11. Yeah.

I almost forgot. I did, to be honest, forget. And I just talked about it like 10 years ago. And you're gonna almost go reward somebody who's forgotten? When we were supposed to never forget? So now Nick, you get to reward the points. It's so ugly to try to sabotage another player like that It's so ugly

It doesn't look good. I just have conversations actually I have a freestyle round requests What is that I would like to for the freestyle round do a basketball shot? for ten points from There deal and if I, I lose everything I have. You know what? From outside the grass? How much do you have?

I have a few. I won't say exactly how many. If you miss, I'll let you keep them. OK. In the freestyle round. Wow. You really bartered against him. So he gets three shots. No, we turn this into three shots. Uh, Judge. Nick Ball. shots. Uh judge Nick ball. Oh More

Three shots and you couldn't even make us wet. Yeah, you were wet that she was full freestyle around slime takes it Great work. See you just got a compliment. It's. Alright, round 11. 2021. Who is it? It's me, right? She said the funniest one was Nick. Nick's great with moms. I'm fucking 5 for 5 with moms. I'm 5 for 5 with Nick's mom. Yes sir!

Yes sir! Yeah, he's fucking her bro! Aiding gets $100. For that. See the city a bit. Yeah, he's fucking her bro. Aiding gets $100 See the city a bit yeah, yeah, she said she said we liked Nick slime appears intelligent That's crazy she said that she's French bro Appears intelligent by the way But by the need but then she said more real and keeps the agenda up and then she said aid and spell your name Wrong is more reserved but so natural in front of the camera a natural you have to understand

She's your daddy has to install you in the end. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, she's an awful awful person We gotta have a lot of good I have your mom's number. Something monosyllabic. I'm gonna text her right now, fuck you. Don't text her now. Don't text her now. Remember that fun day? That was a good episode. We learned that we learned to not do that. Cause Ludwig will never forget.

Stand up momity. Think of your best joke. Ludwig will send them unnamed, all three of them, to his mother. And she will pick which one she likes the most. Stand up mom-ity. And thinks is the funniest. And whoever wins based on her taste is the winner of the round. Okay, um... That's so hard over text.

Well, you just say mom which one... Say mom, I have three jokes. Which one do you think is the funniest? Do I read them? Should I call her and read them? You could call her and read them. I think we get immediate gratification. I think she should be done teaching.

Cause she's a teacher. Oh, it's Saturday. Nevermind. My bad. For some reason I thought it was Friday. Your ass is in detention, huh? This is such a marathon. I've had to do so much damn work. Just me yesterday making the damn thing. Wait, I'm just gonna look up one hold on whoa you can do that Oh wait do I tell do I tell the joke now about you have your joke?

What's yeah Ludwig says he'll visit home soon I'm gonna go to my mom and say I have three jokes, and that's gonna be one of you want me to say that one I'm going I'm going it's tough because it's like a coin flip on how sad it makes her because she's in senior I've seen her they didn't really want to run run the gamut of making your mom sad again I've seen her I I feel like my my path here is it has to do with Peter. Alright, I got one.

Why did the German bring a ladder to the bar? Why? Because he heard drinks were on the house. And I know this would appeal to her sensibilities of hating Germans. Because she's European or something. Because stupid Germans would think the beers are really up there. Okay. Do you have yours? Uh, mm-hmm.

Is it that one? Yep. No, no, no, no, no. What is it? Uh, my joke is just imagine, imagine Peter is Santa at a mall and the child is slime sitting on his lap. Just imagine it. Probably a joke. I think it's fine though, it's an imagery.

Okay, I can do that. It's something you would say really a joke. I think it's fine though. It's an imagery. Okay, I can do that. It's something you would say in a conversation. Yeah. Oh my. Your call has been forwarded to voicemail. The person you're trying to reach is not. What is that? AI thing?

Yeah, that's weird. She didn't answer me, bro. All right, we can go forward. We can see if she calls back. Bonjour. We're in round 12. What? It's my cousin's 14th birthday today.

Oh, there she is. Oh. Salut mon. Salut mon chaman. Salut, mon chéri. Ça va? Ça va. Je suis sur le podcast maintenant? Oui. J'ai une question pour toi? Oui.

OK. I have three jokes that I'm going to tell you, and I just want you to pick the funniest one. OK. OK. The first one is just a visual, okay? So imagine we're at the Fresno Lane Mall and Peter is Santa and Slime is the child sitting on Santa's lap.

Okay, that's just the first one. The second one, the second one, the second one is what do you call a fish with no eyes? Do I have to guess the answer? No, it's a phsh. It's a phsh. Because there's no eye. Right, explain it. Explain it to her.

All right. Okay. no I'd right explain it explain it to her all right okay and then the last the last one is why did the German bring a ladder to the bar a lighter no no sorry why did the German bring a ladder to the bar a ladder okay Okay. Because they heard the drinks were on the house. Okay. So considering all three, which one is the funniest? Definitely not the number two. Uh...

Uh... I'm gonna say number one is kind of original. Oh, fuck you! All right. Original and, you know, probably perfect at the same time. Yeah, probably a little bit. Probably a little bit. Yeah, yeah. But it's original.

It is original. Yeah, you're right. The other two we're stalling. All right, Situ Umu. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, Oh my God. That's a hundred Nick bucks for you. She's awesome. Hey look, did I fucking not put it on the line? Delivering his? Yeah you did. Yeah I was gonna say you gave all three your best mutual delivery. You sold it. I really tried hard. Wait we get the same amount of points? Well that's, that's volatile.

You can't buy food with it. Yeah this is very volatile. That could crash again. Yeah you can't, you can buy food with your money. Alright round 12. Nick food. This is an easy one. What month and year did the first episode of the Yard release on YouTube? Use your whiteboards. What month and year did the first episode of the Yard podcast release on YouTube? This is the first episode, yeah?

First episode. I got it baby girl. All right, three, two, one 321 turn June 2021, July 2021. Uh, slime, if you look really closely at the enormous awesome rod, it says June 2021, somewhere along the shaft where we all still kind of have some hairs. Um, let's reveal the answer. July 2021. Aidan takes it. That's crazy. It's because I set the deadline for June but then fucking Nick obviously never hit a deadline. What's the surprise there?

And now for the second game. Guess what D&D's gonna come out. What's the right answer? Nobody knows. 2047. Deadline, what is this, the loving merch booth? And I'm taking some money. And I'm taking some money for myself. Alright. And you know I like NickCoin. Uh oh! There's no more dunks, guys.

Don't laugh. Oh That's so unfair Unfair My disgust for those beans I held out for so Good okay, I just let checked rocket money right now. Okay. This is no joke I am still paying $20 a month for an Xbox Live It account for Nick's PSL setup. I never use this login. I never ask $20 a month so you can log into one of the Xboxes downstairs. No, it must be a mistake.

Which that only happens twice a month. There's a guy at Microsoft whose job is to manage this revenue. That's a crazy thing to think about. So you're saying you downloaded an app that told you you were spending money on something I need. No, it told me something that I'm spending money on something that isn't even for me.

Okay, well what is this app that you are using? So I can cancel it, Rocket Money, I can use it to cancel the subscription straight in the app by the way. You're talking about the personal finance app that cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. You're saying about the personal finance app that cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills

so you can grow your savings. You're thinking that's the one that's fucking me over right now for my awesome PSL event. Yeah, how much is it again? Dude, $20 a month. So that's like, you can just log into Xbox Live. Okay, well, does it do anything else besides ruin my awesome LAN event?

Well, it caught the fact that YouTube TV upped their charge from like $70 a month to 90. So it monitors that they make it more expensive to. Yeah, yeah. Like, it gives you the update. I didn't know it did that. It actually gives you a little warning in a day countdown to when you're going to get the charge and the amount

it's going to charge you for. So if the subscription price goes up, you get a you know, you can see that. Wow. Well, I'm going to get your account cancelled. Rocket Money has over 5 million users, actually it has one less now, and has saved a total of $500 million in cancelled subscriptions at my expense, saving members up to $740 a year when using all the app's features. Well, you can cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with

Rocket Money by going to rocket money dot com slash the yard guys, which I don't want you to do anymore. You're fine. I'm pulling unless if I use rocket money dot com slash a yard, will I also find a Xbox live subscription? No, yes, no. He's using yours. He's using Ludwigs.

Yeah, but you can't say that because we're in an ad. So go ahead. Encourage me to use rocket money. Come on. Yeah, go to rocket money, encourage me to use rocketmoney.com. Yeah, go to rocket money, but do it in about two hours. Go to rocketmoney.com slash the yard and find your dreams are all going to come true there. They're all going to come true.

Let's get back to this awful episode of Nick Ball, where I hope that something terrible happens to the guy that's not in the chair anymore. Really nice try. Round 13. Let's get right into it Rank these Ludwig fits best to worst The goal is to match my ranking as close to possible best to worst you can get your whiteboards that'll probably be helpful here Here they are Wow A lot to see here. Dude, and G looks like Kid and Play.

That's crazy. I got such awesome fits. A lot going on here. I was so cool. Over the years. So best to worst? But best to worst. You're trying to match what I think. Best to worst. Okay. Alright, I have my lists.

You got yours? You done? Yeah, man, I'm just awesome to look at, huh? Shut the fuck up. It must be fun every time. No, yes, true. Yes, you're fucking beautiful, man. If you watch all the compilations of the show, the first few years are cycling between your outfits and my hair.

And every clip is radically different. Yeah, there's always something going on. On everyone's show? Sorry, the audio listeners here, this one is definitely a video bit. All right, so we got, What was your best outfit? Here's the key. Oh, I was so close.

Aiden gets the first one with E, correct. So circle the ones you get right. Okay. The second one is C, or sorry, G. So the first one, let's really go through. E is lovingly wearing a Lakers tank top and jean shorts, jorts, if you will. He looks buff.

He's got a fresh fade, and we can't see the shoes, but I'm assuming they match, maybe Crocs. Number two is G, which is, I like to call the fun ketchup colors. You're wearing basically- That was number two? You're basically wearing every color of fun ketchup,

but somehow it's working. Dude, I thought that was gonna be your favorite. You love that fit. I love that. You look like you are... Who's the goofy character that skateboards? Max? You look like Max.

I put that as my last one. It's totally crazy. The colors are crazy. That's what I was thinking. But the outfit is working. Everything fits you well. It's just, you know, you look kind of cool. And with the beanie on? A rare Red Bull beanie that I'm liking. A is... I think that's maybe... cool and with the beanie on a rare Red Bull beanie that I'm liking.

A is you got I think that's maybe it's the Kingdom Hearts. It's the Sora shoes with the red shorts with the red shorts. And I like maybe a Corpse husband shirt or something. I thought this would be a second. Yeah. Do you know, I was one off on every single one. And do you get any right? I didn't get a single. How many you get right? I got one. You got one right. I also got one. So there's a way. Let me see both your lists. Yeah understands you you're fucking weird. I went G AE

instead of EGA and Then I went BCH instead of CBD Ludwig wins his are all closer. Mine are so close These are all one-off so Ludwig's gonna win that one Ludwig you're gonna get two and you're gonna get one I guess it was fucking shoppahs then you just gotta put yourself in the ill mind of Nick Yeah, you would understand. It's really just understanding Nick and I guess it makes sense you didn't like it Thanks to the the fuck you Discord tier for helping me find some of these Joe Bunga and some others. I thought you would hate D to be honest You thought I'd hate D. I thought you'd hate D. I thought it'd be your last. No, H is egregious, man.

You are. You actually can't really tell, but you're wearing dress shoes. That's you're wearing. You're wearing pajama pants, dress shoes and then whatever the fuck that jacket. I knew it. That's my princess Mononoke. I knew you'd put F at the bottom. And then F is horrible. The attic is different, too, because it was whatever he could wear in the house. But for this one, he has to go out of the house, which is different.

All right, we're in around 14 and we're pretty close to the end. Sing to me. One of you plays the guitar, one of you sings and one of you is the band manager. And your guys' goal is to get a record deal. I'll play guitar. Nick Ball is so excited. You don't fucking know what to play guitar. What can you play? Huh? Can you sing I? Can well yes, yeah, I can sing a little bit. Would you rather singer and manage the band? What did what do you think managing the band looks like here? I'm just asking what you would take the hat off

Do you think that's the do you think he's a manager or a singer? I'm bald, I can't be a frontman. You guys got to pick your roles. I mean, he's saying picked his. You can play the C chord. What else you got? Oh, see, minor. Oh, my God, little is a guitar.

Why did we never know? I don't know. I've never seen him do this. So funny. How did you learn to do that? Like 10 years ago. All right, who's who? So Lubby's your guitar player? You have to sing. I can't be a front man. All right, so you're the band manager? Yeah. All right, I am a big executive at music.com and you are supposed to sell this as a duo. Yeah. To me.

And three, two, one. I have a cowboy hat. Hello, sir. Oh my God. Jesus. Dude, that was my door. Yeah, that's all right. They let me in the damn front.

That lady was very nice. You broke it off the hinges. Yeah, I'll go and fix that. But I got something to show you. You're a big, big record exec, aren't you? I'm a, I work for music.com.? I'm I'm I work for music.com. Yes. You look like you work for music.com. Well, I own and created music.com.

I have the act of a century for you. I think these young gentlemen. Oh, my God. Where do they even come from? Love. This is Jizz. Together we are. Love Jizz. Love Jizz. Is that the name of the group? That's the name of our group. Yes, sir. OK, so love Jizz.

That's good. God bless you. Like a quemini. It's like a quemini. Very's like a quimini, very good. Outcasts a very big influence on Jizz here as well. I like his rap stuff, not his flute stuff. He's two of them, so let's continue on. I like his flute. Why am I southern now?

I don't know what just happened to me. It's a fact that the beep sound has on everybody. Sorry, I'm back to my normal self. Now I know you were just waiting to hear, and I'm gonna let you know what these boys are about to bring to you is about to blow your lid off off and I want you to answer yes Or no soon as songs over whether or not you sign them for a seven record deal boys. Are you ready?

We're ready. This song is about a magical place. It's about Jesus hometown and boys Don't waste my time Ready one two three four We went home two weeks ago. I saw them across the room. There he was, his red hair slightly shorter than usual. He said he got it clipped. I could barely notice.

Get to the chorus. The glasses, light on his face. Supple lips, supple eyes. That boy is 14 years old. Sing to me, Nicholas. Sing to me Nicholas Sing to me I've come home for you We're gonna kill a guy named Nick today We're gonna smash his bones

And then bury him in a grave We're gonna kill a guy named Nick today We're gonna smash his bones And fuck his mother Oh This felt like it took a while I'm gonna go home I'm gonna go home We're gonna kill a guy named Nick today We're gonna smash his bones and fuck his mother Oh, oh

It felt like it turned into a violent direction That's a creative musical Now stop playing there Wow I'm love This has been Love Jizz Thank you so much boys, that was great You said he's 14, how old are you? I'm I'm

37 Older than me. Is that your son? He watches over me. There's a stranger who I met while playing guitar. We met each other at a motel Okay It's very normal in Nashville. His family works at the motel. I was a guest. Man from the music I can do that Well, okay. So you tell me a little bit about how, like, is that based on experience, that song? Or was that? Right. It's just, well, cause we both, we both came from the small town that we had so many reservations

about going back to. And I grew up with this young red haired boy that I always had feelings for. You always had, you always had feelings for him. That I was 14. Well, I'm 14 now. And when I was 11, 12, that's when I had the feeling. A long time ago. A long time ago.

For me. Yeah. And this beautiful boy had beautiful lips. And I just think about when I finally have the gumption to return home. Wow. I hope to find that boy and as Ev's love put it, tear him apart and kill him in the basement. And love, love, I did hear that part. So, right, so tear him apart. I also do real estate on the side. Yeah, thank you for that.

Yeah, security is my role. I noticed you were multi-faceted. At some point you started singing. Yeah, no, I used to be a solo band. So you do the choruses? Yeah, the backgrounds, choruses. Well, he has a deeper, stronger voice, and I have a more light, feminine one. I'm on a solo band called Cunthound. Cunthound.

I've heard of it. I know Cunthound. Yeah, that's me. I've been to a couple DIY shows. Cunthound was that. That's great. Well, guys. Sign, no sign.

We only have room for a solo artist at the label. Wow. And it looks like Love is kind of the full package. I mean, Love can play the guitar, Love can sing. Love can also play the piano. Love can play the piano. I'm sorry, I won't do it without Jizz. I told you this boy drives a hard bargain, but I say sir you will not be disappointed.

But we will do it without our manager. Yeah, that's true. We'll cut a manager. It's just like making a baby. Don't do it without Jizz. They need the manager just to make sure. Do I have to speak? Yes. Why am I southern again? I don't know when I became southern. The voice is just fun to do. I started off this sketch rather soft spoken. Boys we have a deal. Put her there! With a god damn rootin' tootin' son of a bitch!

And the best part is, we're paying you in NickCoin. Now let's get you two to a titty bar. That's one. That's one. They sneak me in the back Great work, you know you could play chords It's great. That shit's easy and I did Harry Potter all right round 15

dog This is episode one. It's all come from places of deception and one of his favorite bits is going to Starbucks and asking for the work I hate One of his favorite bits is going to Starbucks and asking for the works. He says, he goes, hey, he goes, hey, hey, get me oatmeal, he taps into it, hey, give me oatmeal, give me oatmeal. And I'm like, okay, don't do that, I'll give you oatmeal. And I'm like, yeah, can I get one oatmeal? And he goes, hey, and ask for the works. And I look at him and I say,

if I look at this speaker on the drive through and I ask for the works, are they going to know what I'm talking about? And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, yeah, and I'll, Asked for the works are they going to know what I wouldn't angle about it. He's like yeah And I'm like Yeah, and all okay. It doesn't take it to the work you make and they're like excuse me Love it loses his fucking mind. He thinks it's classic the works bit

So go ahead go ahead. Well when you get the works, it's because you can get nuts and dried berries and blueberries and honey. They don't call it that. No, they don't. But all three could be called the works. Describe and draw the perfect ice cream cone with the works. It is not important that Nick would like it himself and points are gonna be given on creativity So it's you don't have to make fucking Oreo because you know I like Oreo. I see you can make whatever you want

The perfect ice cream. Draw the perfect ice cream cone. Dude, do you know he played a Counter-Strike game this morning? Yeah, I saw him 9 a.m. Counter-Strike game. That's like- no way he worked out before that. No, no he quit doing that. I've worked out scheduled today with a friend Who's coming to the office so you can move and I can't move it forward interesting I can't adjust the scheduling of when the workout is because then I'd be abandoning my friend would I Just counter strike hmm you could address counter strike Wait, I can't you could just not counter strike, but why because it's your rule. That's not the point of the rule But why? Because it's your rule. That's not the point of the rule. Unlocking. The rules are changing.

All right. I feel good about my cream. Let's go one at a time. We're going to start with Aiden. Aiden, show me your cream. Oh, my God. Show the camera, too. What the fuck am I looking at? What the fuck is that? Why do we make ice cream complicated?

Is not the most desirable cone a simple vanilla one describe it to me describe it to me here's the cone simple the divots in the cone that are rather common

the divots in the cone it's rare you would get a flat cone it's usually some sort of pattern. So as you can see, there's a basic ice cream cone. And then the best scoops overflow over the edge. They're a little wider than the top of the cone. What's the line? What?

It's actually an amazing villain you've drawn. And then that right there is the single because because what's you wouldn't want it to be bare and just vanilla. It's true. You want a single sprinkle on it. One decorative show to begin something to be enjoyed. Show me again one more time. Stole my heart with that. Enjoying it is a crazy draw.

I mean, it just looks a lot like a man's penis. It looks like the penis being pulled out of a fire. Says who? What are you talking about? It looks like the head of a penis being pulled out of a fire and it's getting bigger. It looks like Pac-Man had arms and legs and he is licking a man's penis. When Pac-Man goes into public domains, this is what a video game is going to be. I don't understand. What was the point of me describing the cone and you're just going to say it's a penis?

All right, that's true. You've taken so much of the point of me describing the cone? You're just gonna say it's a penis. All right, that's true So much of the autonomy of the are you right? I'm so sorry Ludwig. Let's see yours. Here it is. Oh My goodness, it looks delicious. It's a delicious ice cream cone. Wow. Okay, describe it to me Yeah, it's just your clam a real creamer. So this is what I'd be looking for. It's uh, you have the cones Cream it for me, Ludwig. Is this produced for that? Cream it up, Ludwig. You heard that before, a young boy song.

Creamy. Yeah, it's from Nick Inc. It has the wrapper, it's a waffle cone. It's one big awesome scoop of salted, malted chocolate chip cookie dough. All the cookie dough's behind the sheen of vanilla, so you can't see it. And then on top is big, awesome cherry sprinkles

and then it's come. And what's the last part? What does it say at the bottom? Huh? It says Nick ink at the bottom. What was the last thing that you said though? Nick ink at the bottom. Sprinkles and what?

Sprinkles and then? It's awesome cherry sprinkles and come. I missed that. I missed it the first time. He says it fast. You said there's sprinkles and what? Sprinkles and what? It's awesome cherry sprinkles and cum. I missed that. I missed it the first time. He says it fast. You said there's sprinkles and there's cum? Why'd you put cum on the ice cream? How would you put cum on the ice cream?

Because it's supposed to be the best toppings you could possibly have. From who? Huh? From who? So I didn't tell you the best part. If you eat this, you get $10,000. Okay. So it's a challenge.

It's a well. It's like a treat actually. You get to earn that. The Baskin Robbins 31 inches challenge. Yes. Yes. But instead of having to eat, that's weirdly what they also call mine. Insane amount of calories. You can eat a high protein meal and the Baskin Robbins Pete Holmes challenge. All right. I'll see it.

OK, so this is Jesus. Oh, wow. And then it's Nick's mom. And she's saying a phone number. That's my phone number. She's so funny to write your own phone number and then show it. She's just like, she's just saying what her favorite phone number is. Yeah, it's mine.

And then she's and she's holding two Frisbees? No, no. She's topless. Right. And those are her huge breasts. You know she'll watch this, right? Yeah. She watches all of the episodes.

Well, if that's the case. Your phone number is there. He points you the number. Yeah. So, okay. I mean, to be fair, it's an awesome waffle cone. You have to give him that. It's a really good cone.

That's the best cone. How big is the cone to scale? Is it the size of a person? As big as a beautiful... I mean, she is 5'5". ...fit for a woman to fit inside. She's not 5'5". You know, it feels similar to when Caesar would have a large cake brought in

and a boy would burst out of it. Or when they made the horse of wood. Yeah, it's like the horse of wood. Anyway, so yeah, this is my perfect- you wanna keep this? No, I don't wanna keep it. You can have it. Hold on to that. I'll keep it. Why do you wanna keep it? Oh, so I can't keep things?

Let him keep some art. The boys love my art. He doesn't need it. He wouldn't know what to do with it. Yeah, he would have the Pac-Man guy hang out with her. I'm thinking about putting these two on my wall. Alright guys, alright, listen up. It's not important that Nick would like it himself. Points are given based on creativity. That's true.

Just reading the rule that's on the big screen right now. I just want to say before you make your decision it would be interesting if you yourself didn't like my cone that you were vocally against my cone that I presented. What's wrong with the cone? It's just a penis. Oh, that you wouldn't want to eat the ice cream that I drew. It's not important that Nick would like it. Okay. He didn't read the rules. Let important that Nick would like it. Okay. All right. The rules. Let's just divvy it out.

Most creative goes to slime. He gets two for that. And he gets two for that. That's good. I rule. The second is Ludwig. All right. Aiden.

It was just a penis. I gotta say, Aiden's my favorite. Slime already did it. He described it so well. Earlier on the show, Slime drew a penis on the whiteboard. Well, hold up. That was the head of a penis being pulled out of a fire. It was way cooler than just a penis. I think it was a bush. That's even cooler. What was the bottom of your cone? That was the little napkin that goes at the bottom of your cone.

Oh man. What is wrong with you guys? So nice you did it twice. Alright guys, we're in the final round of Nick Ball. Thank fucking God. I'm sorry. Awesome. What the hell was that? Awesome! 200th episode. Uh oh! A ballistic missile purchased from Iran and paid for

with NickCoin just evaporated Ben Affleck's gorgeous Brentwood home. This is a good thing. I think this would raise the value. The mess would probably be purchased in the US. Nick coin has quadrupling value! It's just quadrupling value. How much you got? He's got like 12.

I think I take your whole bowl. What do you got? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13. Dude, someone do that math for me. 24. Okay. I have 52 Nick coins. You don't even have enough for that.

52 Nick coins? No, we're going to have to Nick coins. You don't even have enough for that. Fifty-two Nick coins? No, we're gonna have to go digital. We're gonna have to go- It's a cryptocurrency, it's not digital. Nick, there's not 52 in that. This bucket represents... 52 total. ...the rest that you need. Yeah!

Yeah! And this is your 18. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Alright, so... Can I have my food with this? So the current standings are Slime has 52 Nick coin. Ludwig has 18 Nick coin and is in second place. How much money do you have?

13 Fiat pieces. How much is a Nick coin worth to a dollar? One dollar. I would like to exchange. For what? $24. $2400. $24 the big bucks. Oh, oh you want it I want to go to

Fiat I want to cash out I'm selling there's a gas fee what's the fee I mean diversifying is diversified that's well you can my said you can do whatever pretty much everything you want except unless you don't have enough of the prop that you brought for the game right Right. Yeah. Well, Amazon one day shipping really limited when you do it that way. They have these. Yeah. You want these for me? Thanks. All right. Final round for real.

In a few sentences, summarize your time recording the show, what you've cherished, what you look forward to, and how you've grown. No one loses this round. It's 200 episodes, guys. He's yawning. Four years. Boo. Four years.

Boo. You guys had fun? Boo, man. Have you guys had fun doing our show for this long? I think if it were up to me, we would have stopped doing this show a long time ago. It's so fucking false. Because I hate doing things for too long because I feel a weird sense of like shame.

But the fact that we kept it going because obviously it changed our lives with how much money we make. Despite your instincts? Despite my instincts, I feel like the show has grown into an interesting place that would otherwise not have existed comedically, even though we retain the same core comedic sense that I think is I cherish that. And it's not because of the money. And you have to believe me because I sleep on the floor. Slimebot has spoken. Ludwig, what do you think? You know, the shows outlived a lot of podcasts, if you think about it. Joe Sandwich died in the span of our podcasts.

Wine About It died, came back to life in the span of our podcasts. Wow. Trash Taste got canceled. Yeah. Fear And sucked the whole time. Oh, yeah. I don'tash Taste got canceled. Yeah, fear and sucked the whole time. Oh, yeah. I don't think it ever started. Might as well have not existed. So, you know, if you think about the career span of a podcast,

we're we're we're hitting unk status. Yeah. We're we're deep in it. Wow. We're an uncle pod. And I can only pray one day we truly hold up to our word and release D&D. Unrelated feels like to the... Nah, it's related. 200 episodes is crazy.

Before the... 200. We got episode 200 before D&D. That would have been a joke at one point. We got episode 200. Smile Rich, off camera, smile. When was the first D& D like leak or announcement made? What episode?

I was like six months ago. Like was episode 150 or something like how it was like a year ago. It was over a year ago. You know, I watched the first episode back and we make a reference to Trump almost getting assassinated, which must have just happened. How many people do you think? How many people think died? Oh, who listed or had babies? which must have just happened. How many people do you think died? Who listed?

Or had babies? Oh, but if you combine those numbers, at least 30. We got a new pope before we got the R in D&D. So anyway, that's what I want to have done. Aiden? I think even after all this time,

what makes me very happy about this show is I come in, you know, usually every Monday and I'm excited to be here and talk with you guys. And I'm very happy that this gets to be the link that sort of keeps us together as we've all gone in our different directions and moved and moved on to different things that we work on. And we've grown up and we're different people than we were four years ago. And even as all that has happened, we still come in every week and we spend two hours with each other and then an hour again the next day. And all of us go and we get to and all of us go every time and we make each other laugh. And I don't take that for granted

because I think there's a lot of people I really like and appreciate. Start another podcast. But I still come here every time because I want to be here. If you had to quit one, who would you quit? Say it. Lemonade. Wow, that's good. That's all I need forever. Yeah. Yeah, that's all I need forever. Yeah.

Yeah, that's all I need. Hey! Dude, why is it called a creamy one? For Aaron's birthday. It's a TikToker who farts. That's for Aaron. It's a TikToker who farts and then someone replied and said, can I get a creamy one for Aaron?

It's his birthday. Thanks for watching episode 200. Wait, wait, wait. Who won? Oh, the guy with all the money What do I win? You win Nick Ball And thank you

And you also win Nick Ball For sticking around to the end And thanks for watching episode 200 Of the Yard Podcast everybody Fucking useless We'll see you in the premium episode And Ludwig is not gonna be there. Fucking stupid. Fucking trash. Fucking stupid.

Are you ripping up your fiat? I'm not ripping up my fucking fiat. This shit's fucking useless. Just wanted it to mean something for once.