The Zac Clark Show - Zac Clark Reflects on 13 Years of Sobriety, the Challenge of Helping Families Recover, and the Power of Letting Go

Episode Date: September 24, 2024

In this introspective solo episode, Zac reflects on his 13-year sobriety anniversary and the theme of letting go. He grapples with conflicting feelings about celebrating sober milestones, questioning whether acting like a decent human being warrants praise, given the chaos he once brought to others. He shares how this time of year brings heavy feelings, remembering his last days estranged from his family, running around the streets using drugs. Zac emphasizes the importance of sharing sobriety stories to inspire people beginning their sober journey and addresses a key aspect about recovery: unlike traditional illnesses, those most qualified to help people struggling with addiction have lived through it themselves. He discusses the challenges families face when seeking help for loved ones with substance use disorders, noting how they can become trapped in cycles of chaos that hinder their own healing and their loved ones. Reflecting on his journey, Zac shares how his parents' tough love—cutting him off financially—was crucial to his recovery. He also explores the evolving language surrounding addiction recovery and gives a shout-out to Lane Kiffin, the Ole Miss Head Football Coach, for his candidness about alcoholism and the freedoms gained through sobriety. Zac concludes by honoring the fallen heroes of 9/11 and spotlighting the Travis Manion Foundation, which empowers veterans and families to instill values in future generations. Please join in and listen to this poignant episode about leaning in and letting go. Go Birds! Connect with Zac https://www.instagram.com/zwclark/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/zac-c-746b96254/ https://www.tiktok.com/@zacwclark https://www.strava.com/athletes/55697553 https://twitter.com/zacwclark If you or anyone you know is struggling, please do not hesitate to contact Release: [phone] releaserecovery.com @releaserecovery

All right. Welcome back to the Zach Clark Show. There is no guest in the other chair today. That's for a couple reasons. One, we just didn't get a guest. And that's okay. Also, August into September is typically, you know, a reboot, a reframe, a reset launching into September. And the first week of September, if you live in New York City is always, I always want to hide. it's the U.S. Open, it's fashion week, it's everyone's trying to be seen by everyone. You had, you know, Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey in town, and when I feel that energy, I literally just want to crawl into my bed and watch football, which I did this weekend. Friday night was the most important NFL game. For those you that know me, I am a diehard Philadelphia Eagles fan, Saquan Barkley, three touchdowns. The birds start 1 and 0, and I was just super excited that they were in Brazil. The game was Friday night.

I sat on my couch and gave myself permission to do absolutely nothing, which for me is a big deal. I had a bunch of people texting me, how are you not in Brazil and how are you not there? And it's a once in a lifetime. You couldn't have paid me enough money to go down there. But I was happy to see the Eagles get out healthy. I was happy to see the Eagles, you know, come back to Philly 1 and O. I love this year's team. Lane Johnson, shout out Lane Johnson.

He's a guy that's been in Philly for many years and has just been such a huge ambassador of mental health and men's mental health. He does this thing on X or Twitter, whatever you want to call it, where he kind of does these mental health Monday quotes. And it's just, it's incredible, man. The guy is a all-pro, all-world defensive tackle. I'm sorry. And he's using his platform to talk about shit that really matters, which is what we try to do here on the Zach Clark show.

So the other thing that just passed, which is funny for me to talk about. And every year I have a different experience with my sober anniversary. So, you know, for those of us that are in recovery, we have our real birth date, which for me is January 17th. I'm a Capricorn. And then we also have our sober birth date, which is essentially the day when you stop drinking and stop doing drugs. For me, that was August 30th of 2011, which means I just celebrated my 13th year of sobriety. I'm right up against it. I think next year it'll be official where I've been sober longer than I drank. I think I started drinking around 13 years old, as crazy as that sounds.

And so next year on my 14th anniversary, I'll have more sober time than more drugging and drinking time, which will be a nice feeling. But the anniversary is a weird thing. And I talk about this a lot. And sober people can probably identify, you know, I always laugh because I deal with a lot of people in early sobriety, and there's always folks that come in and they have 30, 60, 90 days sober and they go out to the tattoo parlor and they get their sobriety date, like tattooed on their forehead,

you know, or on their wrist or on their arm or on their back. And it's like, dude, no, don't do that, right? It's like, it's the kiss of death. Those people always end up having a new sober date, which is a jinx. But in all seriousness, like the sober date is just a date, right? It's a date and we get caught up on it and we get caught up on how much time we have and we get caught up on, you know, being, you know, in meetings or on social media and sharing about this.

And it's always been a conflict for me because, right, should I really be celebrated for just not being an asshole? for just living life like a decent human being. Should that really be celebrated? And every year, August 25th, 26, 27th, I start to feel, you know, they talk about the body keeps score and trauma and I start to feel all those feelings from right before I got sober. And I go back to those last couple days when I was out there shooting heroin and smoking crack and my family didn't know where I was or what I was doing or if I was going to live or if I was going to die.

And that comes up for me and I end up getting kind of super depressed and super anxious. And I think those feelings come from remembering just how much of a shithead I was. it's maybe deserved i guess but anyway you know i also know that by sharing and i am reminded constantly that by sharing my sobriety or sharing my anniversary with the world what we are trying to do is inspire someone else to see that take that take hope from that, go out, walk into the world, and hopefully get sober. So that's really the moral of the story for people out there that are sharing their sober days and that are sharing their anniversaries and are posting about their 20 years sober,

their 30 years sober, they're 10 years sober. You know, the thought behind that is that we're trying to show the newcomer, the person out there that can't scrub two days together, that can't put the bottle down, that can't stop taking the pills. Give them the hope that they can do it because they're seeing us do it. And that's the thing about recovery

and alcoholism and addiction that is oftentimes misunderstood. The people most qualified to help someone else get sober are the ones that have been through it. And if you look at cancer, you look at other diseases, is yes, it's very helpful to take strength and hope from someone who has survived cancer if you are going through cancer.

But that might not necessarily mean a positive outcome. For me, when I share my story or I share my experience or I put my hand out to the person who is new to this process, chances are that is going to improve the likelihood that they're going to get and stay sober. And that's the beautiful thing about recovery. and that's also the fucking thing that's most misunderstood about this. And, you know, I think about this a lot of times

with the families. The families and a lot of them are the ones that listen to this podcast and listen to these conversations. It's very interesting because at release recovery, right? We have our nonprofit, which provides scholarship funding

for individuals who otherwise could not afford treatment and then we have our are essentially for profit for lack of a better word the business right where we are helping people and people are paying for our services and we have you know a treatment center in muchchester and transitional livings and they're you know we we work with a lot of families and for whatever reason recently we've been getting a lot of calls from families who have a loved one in crisis and i've you know my relationship with direct care is kind of it ebbs and flows and for whatever reason, I've been on a couple calls lately with families who are in crisis. And the thing that's so fascinating about those phone calls,

and if I can give anything in this moment to a family, if you are calling professionals for help, it is then your job to surrender and listen to those professionals. Too often we have families, and I know how hard it is and I have a ton of empathy for the folks that are struggling with a loved one

and I saw my family struggle trust me but if you are reaching out for help and you are a family member and you are talking to professionals and professionals not even necessarily me

whoever it is half the battle is just surrendering letting go and listening to another person that's so much of life that's coaching that's career development as as human beings we like to think that we're right so these family members will call in they'll be crying they'll be in hysterics we'll ask them to do some very simple things and they can't do it they can't do it because what we don't understand about substance use disorder and addiction is that it is a chaos that a lot of family members are addicted to, the mothers and the fathers specifically.

You'd be amazed how many phone calls we get from mothers who have 27, 28, 29 year old sons who they are continuing to co-sign their bullshit and baby. And I'm not saying, I am not someone that says you need to kick your son or daughter or husband out. I'm not, I do not believe in putting people out on the street. That is not necessary. It's about changing your behavior. If the identified person, for example, me, when I was at the end of my road, if I would have kept going back to my mom and back to my dad and saying, I need more money and they would have kept just, giving me the cash, it just would have extended my use longer. They cut me off with love.

They made it very clear that they still loved me. They made it very clear that if I wanted help, they were going to be right there for me, and they came through on that promise, and they listened to the professionals that were guiding them. And it's the hardest thing to do. And it's also, unfortunately, the thing that keeps people who are suffering from a drug addiction or alcoholism

and in a lot of cases, mental health, sick for way longer than they need to be because the family is just not willing to get on board and do the work as well. Then what happens is when they do get the person into treatment, the therapist or the provider or us at release recovery will turn to the family and say, hey, it's your turn to do the work now. Are you ready? Are you ready to do therapy? Are you ready to go to support groups? All the things that we're asking your son or daughter to do, we're going to ask you to do as well. And you'd be surprised how many times they say, no, I'm good. This isn't my problem. And this is the piece about the family recovery that's just been on my mind a lot lately.

And I'm grateful that my family, you know, knew a little bit about this. And I'm grateful for the families that do dig in and I have a soft spot for the families that won't just know if you're out there and you're struggling you can't find the strength to do the things that you know are right and to do the things that whoever you're working with on a professional level are asking you to do you can absolutely do it there's hope and that's where the change really happens so that's my two cents today on the recovery process and also just been thinking a lot about the language. I find myself on this podcast a lot of times, like going back and forth between drug addict and substance use disorder. And in the year

2024, for whatever reason, we're paying a lot more attention to the language that we're using. But in some ways, I feel like, fuck it, man. Like, in order to really break down stigma, I want to get shirts made that say I'm a crackhead or I was a crackhead or I shot dope because if I wear that t-shirt and then someone else sees me who has had that same experience and they see that I'm living a good clean life, like maybe that'll inspire them. It's just we get so scared to lean in to who we really are. And so I am mindful of the fact that people in early recovery don't want to be labeled. and they don't want to be told this,

but there's also a part of me that like, fuck it, let's just call it what it is. Like, I'm an alcoholic. And, like, take the air out of the room. It's not that big of a deal. It's just not that big of a deal. It's a big deal of an alcoholic and I'm still drinking.

That's a major deal because you don't know what the fuck's going to happen. I don't know where I'm going to end up who I'm going to be with or what I'm going to be doing. For me, though, like we're all caught up on this language and this, you know, the therapy of the whole thing. And let's make it this wide door for everyone to step through.

And I get all of that. I just think at the end of the day, it should come down to the person and their personal preference. If I want to say I'm an alcoholic or I'm a drug addict, it's then up to the other person who's receiving that to make their, you know, assessment of what they think of me. And thankfully, 13 years into this, I could give a shit. what someone thinks when I say I'm a drug addict. If you want to judge me for that, then, like, congratulations. It's all good.

We'll keep moving forward. So the language and a lot of this stuff, because I hear it. I hear the stigma and I see a lot more people sharing about it on social media. And that's super cool, man. Like, I think we are. I don't think I know. I know that we're making change. I know that good things are happening.

I know that we're rowing the boat in the right direction when it comes to all this. stuff um you know my boy dave from from uh you should check out his podcast Dave manheim he's got dopey um the dopey podcast he's having his 500 episode and he's doing this little dopey con thing and the list of people he has coming uh is cool man I'm honored to be on that list and he's got a lot of other really cool names you know my boy Brandon Novak's going to be there and just people that have gotten sober and decided to share about it. Carl Radke, you know, some of these people

that are out there like doing it, man. And I'm grateful to be shoulder to shoulder with a lot of those folks and just, you know, not getting caught up in the bullshit of this whole thing. We're going to really smash the stigma. Like, I believe we need to have some pretty straightforward energy and just, you know, not make it so serious. You know, not make it so serious.

So I did start the episode talking a little bit about football this weekend, and this is in line with, you know, people sharing openly about their stories. And I think this one story in particular really resonated with me this weekend. If you are like me, opening weekend of football is like Christmas morning, man. We have at any given time their permission to sit down on the couch and do nothing other than watch football. And so that started this weekend. And with that, there's a lot of energy being put out into the world with the storylines and so on and so forth. But the one I really want to hone in on is Lane Kiffin.

And so Lane Kiffin has had a wild ride as a coach. He's currently the head coach at Ole Miss, and they love him down there. He did time at USC. He spent time coaching in the NFL. And he's one of these guys that people either love him or hate him. And I would argue or inform you that a lot of that probably has to do with his alcoholism, which he has since addressed. I am certain that probably a lot of the bad decisions that he made

or reasons that people were not big fans of his were when he was drinking alcoholically. And that's probably why he fell out of favor with some teams and some players. That story has shifted. And I got sent to me a ton of times this, Post from Sports Illustrated, which was from August 29th, so right before the season. And this, I'm going to read this because I feel like people that don't understand why I forgive people specifically, like that's a personal choice to me when someone has burnt down

their lives and made a lot of bad decisions, but then they get sober. There's almost this like forgiveness that takes place. And I forgive because I, one, have been there and I was forgiven by a lot of people. But two, and more importantly, the stories of recovery never get old and recovered humans, people that have been through this process and done the work, they see the world differently. And they are evolved and they have walked out of the darkness and into the light. So when Lane Kiffin kind of dropped this hammer to ESPN, over the weekend, basically it says Lane Kiffin shared this powerful message about what sobriety

has meant for him. And this is Lane talking to Chris Lowe from ESPN, so not a small media outlet. There's a freedom in not feeling like you need a drink to celebrate a big win or get over a tough loss. There's a freedom of not having to have acceptance of what some guy writes about you or what the fans think of you or if you're on the hot seat. When you're making changes to be the best version of yourself, you learn to let go of control, to let go of your ego, to let go of the things that don't matter. Everything I ever wanted was on the other side of letting go, which is the exact opposite of how you think because you think you can't let go of anything.

You're not trained that way, especially in football. That's a changed man right there. That is a changed human being. and I identify letting go is one of the greatest gifts we're given in this process it's when

most stories turn it's when most families get better it's when the miracles happen you can't outwork this thing you can't outwork alcoholism there's no i have the willpower you ever seen a dude who's got the willpower and stay sober for 90 days but doesn't do shit for therapy or meetings or groups or rehab that dude is miserable miserable that guy that i just read about lane kiffin that guy is in a ball

human being and everyone not just people trying to get sober can take a lesson from that message because so oftentimes in life it's about letting go it's about just letting go of the thought of the idea of this thing we tell ourselves that we're going to be able to change some situation that we have no power over And so when I read that, and I hope when other people read it, I get goosebumps. I get goosebumps. Because I follow sports and I followed Lane Kiffin's journey. And I've seen him in the headlines for some of the dumbest shit.

Stuff that he's not proud of. However, he has done work on himself. He is proud of that, and he is hitting it head on. So kudos to Lane Kiffin for sharing. Kudos to ESPN for covering that. Kudos to Sports Illustrated for posting it. That's the kind of shit we need for change to really happen. And so I'm grateful for that.

And lastly, you know, a little bit off topic here because I'm going to make this episode pretty quick and I hope there's some nuggets or some gems in here or some shit that you guys can relate to. But a little off topic. You see the hat I'm wearing here. It's as if not me, then who. This hat was given to me by Ryan Mannion.

Ryan Mannion is the, she founded the Travis Mannion Foundation back in 2007, her brother, Travis, was fatally wounded by an enemy sniper while in battle. And this episode is going to air, I would imagine, somewhere around or just after 9-11. And this has nothing to do with what I typically talk about, which is recovery. But I just feel like on 9-11, it's as good opportunity as any as someone who is grateful for their freedom and grateful to be an American citizen to stop and pause and just think about really what my freedom means to me. And then once I've done that to go out and hopefully take an action that shows my gratitude. And so this year I am supporting the Travis Mannion Foundation.

They do a lot of work with veterans and their families to give them hope once they come out of active duty. It's an incredible, incredible organization. And so during the month of September, they do these hero runs, which I will share the link. But basically, and this is not anything that's paid. I'm not getting paid to say this. This is just me giving a shit about an organization that is doing inspiring work.

So they do these hero runs, the 9-11 Heroes runs, and they have them in-person live all over the country, and then they also have virtual offerings. So I'm going to participate in a virtual offering. They'll send you a cool shirt. And I just feel like now more than ever, man, it's important for us to really lift up and shine a light on the people that are doing work that matters and to show some gratitude.

some love for the people that have served our country and for the, you know, the men and women who so bravely continue to allow me to do stuff like talk on this podcast or walk out my front door and, and have a beautiful life and have my freedom. And so I know 9-11 is a tough day for a lot of people. Um, I never forget. I was in my English class in high school and one of my classmates had a dad who was in the building that was able to get out, but those hours between knowing that and then getting confirmation that he was alive were really scary. And I know that wasn't the ending for a lot of folks out there. So I just want to send some love and some prayers and thoughts to those families that were, you know, deeply affected by the events of 9-11,

as a lot of us were so a little bit off the cuff there but 9-11 you know just just really spending some time this year thinking about how grateful I am and you know there's an election and all that stuff coming down the pike and I don't know just been thinking a lot about this stuff so I hope that I said something today that was helpful you know we're going to be back in this fall season with hopefully some interesting guests and our goal is just to continue to tell stories and if you're listening and if you're still hanging on here you know if you have some suggestions for some guests or some people that you think would be interesting conversations please uh send the DM or send those in we are looking to inspire people and um that doesn't

mean they need to have a certain number of followers on social media like we just want them to have a story that we can tell and lift up and shine a light on so that we can roll that out into the world. So that's all for today. Very grateful. And, uh, yeah, Philadelphia Eagles want to know. Go birds.