The Zach Nichols Podcast - All Stars 5 Rivals EP. 9 Review! | ZNP EP. 100

Episode Date: March 28, 2025

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I feel like Wilk Chamberlain. Why do you feel like Willett Chamberlain? 100 episodes, baby. One hundred. You had a whole week to think of something better than Wilt Chamberlain. Hold on. Yeah, I need a fucking pen or something so I can write it and take the picture. 100.

Oh, I got a pen right here. Penn Affleck. Penn Affleck. Chad Pennington. Chad Pennington. Penny Hardaway. Penny Hardaway. Penny Hardaway.

Penifer Aniston. all of those Sean Penn Sean Penn there you go Penn Penske Logistics 101 he had

he had 100 and 1% 100 episodes So are you ready to tell them Tell them what How originally you were a twin But you ate your brother in the womb Listen I have a really dark place to go with that

Should I go there or no And took on all his powers Who said it was my brother Oh, that's sick. Anyways, are you a backstreet boy or instinct person? So we've talked about this once before, and I'm going to repeat my answer. I'm an instinct person because the edge is, if you remember, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays. That one song just takes them over the edge.

Brittany or Christina Aguilar? Brittany, for sure. It's Britney, bitch. Really? Yeah. So many hits. Who do you think is hotter? Who are things hotter?

In their heyday. Brittany is hotter. Christina is the better singer. But you have to answer both questions yourself. Don't just, you know, just throw it on me. Well, I'm going to take back to your boys and Christina Aguilera. Okay. The contrarian over here.

Mark McGuire or Sammy Sosa. Samisosa. Really? Yeah. M.J. O'Brien. Come on. Ask me something.

Trump or Biden. Trump. Bye, dude. Bye, dude. All right. Let's do another. Let's do another. Let's this or that.

I like the this or that. It's so much fun. Yeah. that's a really fun. Randy Moss or Terrell Owens? Can I, do I have to pick one of those two? You have to. Randy.

Randy or Jerry? Jerry over Randy. Yes. Okay, you're all about like being a good person. Yeah. You're about the athlete that moons the crowd and shit. Oh yeah, that was badass. That was like, that was hilarious.

Randy is for sure cooler. 100%. Steve Young or Joe Montana? Um, give me Joe, man. One went to Notre Dame. One went to be a lot. You know I'm going to bleep out the F word. Because I can't say those two things in the one.

Well, you can. The priests do all the time. Keep my priest alone or leave my priest alone. Maybe yours, but anyways. Yeah, no, I'm definitely leaving all the priests alone, not my cup of tea. All right. All right. Coffee or tea?

I like, I drink coffee more, but I like the idea of tea a lot better. Tea is spectacular. You know what's great about tea is? It just puts you to bed if you want to. You just have a nice warm cup of tea at night. Camamilil tea. It's called sleep. My mom just gave me sleepy time tea when I was a kid because I was a spas.

Hell yeah. Spaz. Oh, I was a spas. Yeah. How were you a spas? By the way, just so you guys know. Post your child for ADHD. Poster child?

Yeah. I had a, so my fifth grade teacher, I thought she was badass because she taught eighth grade the year before. And so she would always try to scare us with stories about middle school. You know what that bitch told me? What? She told me I would never graduate from high school because I couldn't shut up. Oh, man.

Yeah. That's a C-word situation. Not only did I graduate from high school. I graduated from college and then I went on reality TV and didn't use any of my education. So I'm pretty sure you make triple her salary from talking. So maybe not shutting up was a good thing. I think, no, I thought she was dead. It turns out she just lost her leg, climbing a mountain.

Idiot. What an idiot. Loser. So you guys have something in common, died on a mountain. Both did, yeah. She lost her leg. I just lost my pride and my dignity and my respect from Laurel, which apparently is gone again because I haven't heard from her in a year.

Yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, we'll, RIP, our friendship with Laurel. We would have to have her at our life show. No, she's still my friend. Oh, well, all right. Yeah, you're right. RIP, our connectivity, I don't know, our connectivity, our contact with her. Miss her. I miss Laurel, I'm not even, you know, I'm okay with you.

Like, I love you, honestly. Like, you were great to us, so. I don't know why she's not here right now. Yeah, I know. Talking to us. Talks about friendships and, you know, these things. There's been a lot of accountability holding on this season of All-Stars. So overall, like, how are you feeling about it right now?

I love this season. I think so. I think it's great. It's like a class reunion for me. Like a trip down memory lane. How much? We owe so much to Mark Long. Thank you, Mark.

We owe so much to Frank and Sam. Thank you, Franken Sam. You guys are the high. highlight of my Wednesdays. I do love Frank, love me some Franken Sam. We are nine episodes in,

and Franklin and Samantha are still alive. Were you expecting this? Honestly, were you expecting this? Yeah, I was. Truly. Yeah. Why would I,

they're champs, bro. No, I get it, but it's been quite a while since they've been on the front lines. Here's the thing, which, if you've noticed this, is what I noticed about Franken Sam. Anytime the champion,

the challenge has little to do with running endurance, they kill it. They're top three every time it has nothing to do with Ken Sam run. So Sam is a good athlete, is what I don't think a lot of people are giving her credit for. And if you don't think she's a good athlete, go peep that dance scene from the beginning in this episode. My girl has, not only does she have rhythm, but she makes it look good. And she didn't hurt her back or her ankle like you. Okay, listen.

Bro, she's got, like, I was. thoroughly impressed not only with her performance in the last couple challenges, but those dance moves. Rhythm and flow. Rhythm and blues. The whole night. And style. Yeah, no, not only does she, she looks good. Yeah, I had a couple style comments, but if I believe. Listen, Sarah's lucky she's a lesbian because Pierre would be own it. Oh, yeah, dude. I'd be licking a lot of puts, man, if it wasn't for her, uh, her sexual preferences. Well, obviously, you know, she's got to want me too, but which we know about Sam, she only goes for dime pieces. She literally only goes for super hot girls. Anisa. Exhibit A.

So I don't know if I would be her type. So I don't know. We'll see. Who knows? Maybe I could turn it. We're going with that. I'm starting to figure out how I can get what I will figure it out. You did remind me of something and I will get to it. Just remind me of the dancing, me, myself dancing because we're going to talk about that little bit later. Okay. So what's the is that the dumbest way you ever hurt yourself? No. And it wasn't dumb, dude. It was it's a, you know, when you get older, you pulled muscles. It's not a big deal. Happens. Yeah, I, I, 30 plus, okay, a lot of miles on this, on this car. A lot of miles. I bet you have a 100th of the miles on your car that I have on mine. Yeah, well, I mean, you used to compete professionally,

so it's not a big fucking fair difference. Give me any normal person. I'll have a good amount of miles, probably more than most. For sure. We out here. We are out here. I'm sick of the fucking slander, okay? If you were a car, how many miles per gallon would you get? Four.

You'll get RV. No, RVs get eight. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. Very few miles per gal. Yeah. Yeah, very few miles per gal.

I ain't going cross country. Your gas goes. No, no, no, no, no. No, no. But good news is like I'm more of a hybrid because I don't need gas, but I could also take electric. mean you'd be a better boat than a car that would flow i'm a i'm a i'm a i'm a i'm a pontoon basically 30 passenger tune baby 30 passenger tune and i'm chill you know what i mean bro there's

nothing listen there's nothing nothing nothing means you've made it in life more than owning a pontoon oh yeah i saw this hilarious like why would like listen Pontoons are by far the greatest things ever invented. They're like, listen, we want a boat, but it can't go too fast because we're going to be hammered. It's got to fit a ton of people because we're going to be hammered. We need room for snacks. Yeah, and we need room for several coolers. And we're not really going to drive it.

We're going to go, we're going to plot out at four miles per hour, throw off the anchor, and that's about it. Yeah. Pontoons are the greatest. I don't know. I've probably talked about this before, but I fell in love with a pontoon. Have you ever tubed off a pontoon before? it's so fun because it's slow. Well, no, because I would never, it's like riding a moped.

It's like, I would do it, but I would want to be caught dead being being pulled behind a pontoon for recreation. That is, that is so soft. You got to get in where you fit in,

bro. And honestly, the pontoon tube, like I've gotten some air off a pontoon. You know what I mean? There's no shot you've gotten any air going eight miles an hour. This guy.

Listen, I get air. All right. Bro, I bet like if you were behind a boat and you're on the tube, it feels like revving it. It's not going anywhere. The top, the bow is going into the water. Cut them. Cut it. We get it.

We get it. We get it. We get it. My favorite part about your weight is that I called you 400 pounds. You got offended. But you're 15 pounds away. So you're like. 15 to 25 pounds away.

So it's like you're 75. You get mad when I say you're 38 when you're really 37. Oh, dude, but I'm like a female. Age is different. You are like a female. I'm glad you said it. Cut that shit. That's going to be a fucking drop.

I am like a female, which there's nothing wrong with. You're the salt of the earth. There's nothing wrong with that. Like when it comes to my age, I don't want to be my age. Okay. All right. All right. All right, grandpa.

You ready to get started on this episode? I thought we already did. We did get an entire episode. But to start from the top, the intro. We head off. Damn it. I forgot my massager. I was going to do the massaging.

Where's the fucking props? Come on. I got to blame myself. Yeah, he still has that little Asian woman in a cage. That's what he means by massager. Listen, man. You didn't let her out yet? Did her eat her breakfast yet?

Let me tell you something. Little women know how to use little tools. That's all I got to say. That's all I got to say. Their hands are just perfectly proportioned. Okay. So the intro, Terbles using hysteria. We come back.

Good thing you laugh because nobody else understood. Like, at least now there'll be some laughter because everyone watching is going to be like, the fuck. They'll get it. You guys will get it. Some of you may have experienced it. So we come back.

Oh, you're a little, you're talking about your little tool. That's what you said. I didn't say that. That's what you're talking about. You are, you do,

you are like, you do strike me as a Robert Kraft type of guy, like a happy endings. Yeah, but like, kind of sore. But totally consensual. And very well compensated.

I'm sure. I'm sure that the woman that Robert Craft got a massage from, it was consensual because I'm sure there was a couple of zeros after the 10 or 20 or whatever was on that check. Like I said. Hopefully it wasn't a check, actually. He wrote a check.

He wrote a check. No, that's an ATM. That's an ATM transaction right there. You got to hit the ATM before you get the SAGE. Anyways, we come back from the Nani Turbo Ario, Ariel, Ashley and Dario elimination. And that was their second elimination win in a row for your girl, Nani and Turbo. Very impressive. That concludes the free preview of the Zach Nichols podcast.

So go to Patreon and subscribe to see the rest of the shit that we talk. Go do it. Now.