The Zach Nichols Podcast - Rivals 1 Episode 2 Review! | ZNP EP. 109

Episode Date: May 23, 2025

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Welcome back to the Pierre's Plumbers Crack podcast. And because we just razzed them for having a plumber's crack for the last minute and a half, 90 seconds, he went and changed into his taxi suit. He drives taxis on the weekends. And that's his outfit. I look like a fucking hot job lawyer right now. He's wearing orthopedics. He's wearing orthopedic dress shoes. You know I have the dress shoes that are like this so that I can dance and not.

You still hurt your back. And not pull a vertebrae. You got to be a gangster. Do you know what I wear? Cowboy boots when I wear a suit. To a wedding. Bro, really nice cowboy. To a wedding.

Yeah. Really nice cowboy boots. Guys, he's ridiculous. I actually. To a wedding, bro. Come on. Are you serious? Ask Jordan.

Put the camera on him. Can you get my pen, Michael? Bro. Tell me about this. So, well, mine now, I forgot what they're called, but they're not. I don't wear cowboys anymore, but they're the ones that zip up the side, but they're made of ostrich, bro. They're nice and smooth and clean.

Yeah. Yeah. When I went to Nashville, I wanted to buy, but they're, like, really expensive. Don't buy cowboy boots until you can go through me first. Oh, okay. Because I'll tell you if they're legit. Oh, you'll give you a rundown. Yeah, dude.

But the only problem, cobblowers for you will be easy, but they're not comfortable. Number one. And number two, the hard part for you would be trying to find a horse to ride. You need a fucking Budweiser Clydesdale. Car will help me, dude. She knows horses. Yeah, she'd have to get you a sturdy young. Now, dude, a stallion is like, you're bigger than some horses.

bro would you want to sit on your back for miles and miles i mean if it had to be a human i would want it to be me because i know i can handle it totally anyways i can handle bro i'm strong bro do you have maxi pads in your arms what the fuck does that have to do with anything i'm just asking you if you're prepared because you're going to sweat through that motherfucker oh oh here yeah no it's hot for sure no so like get this um big sweater here everyone knows it if you don't check out x's two reunion, pit stains from here to here. No shame. Shane level, uh, sweat.

I'm not going to go there, but I will say I'm a big sweater. Okay. Now, before my buddy's wedding. And this was one, now I'm actually a lot better because I'm not super heavy. You sweat more, like when I was like 240, like it was a serious issue. Now I seem to be doing better and I don't even wear antiperspirin anymore. What kind of deodorant do you wear? I'm an old spice guy.

Yeah. The red, the red stick with a blue blue. Do you check it for a little? aluminum? No. Probably should. I don't know if it matters. No.

A girlfriend once tried to give me to wear Tom's and I'm like, this shit does not work. Tom's is not legit, but it doesn't work. What is it? Arm and Hammer makes an aluminum free one and they have a couple different flavor. I don't smell though. Yeah, but do you sweat? I do sweat. And you wear antiperspirant?

Yeah. Okay, so that's why you sweat because you wear antiperspirant. Yeah. No, for real. So it makes you sweat. Let me tell everyone to sweat. story. And I'm not a, you know, like I have my own health things that I follow. Like, you know, and I'm not going to speak on all of them because people don't give a shit. But I will speak on

this for my entire adult life, basically when I got my Costco membership. That's when I became an adult. I would just buy, it was like, like five sticks of the order for like eight bucks. And it was the white one with the black top. I think it was right guard. And it was antiperspirant because I'm like, yeah, I want that protection. I want my clothes. I think it's degree too. I think I know. That's maybe what I was. I remember it.

Yeah, probably. And I wore that for years and I was fine. And then like maybe now, so I was in my old house. So that was like 2018, 19, 1920. We moved in 22. Yeah, we moved in, no, 21. So all of a sudden, dude, I started to have pretty, like, I'm not, like, I'm not a smelly person either. Like, I don't have terrible body odor.

Like, if I go for like a 20 mile run, you're small my deodorant still. You'll smell sweat, but you'll smell my deodorant. Like, I've never had that issue. All of a sudden, dude, I was like, Jenna was like, why do your shirts all reek? And I'm like, why am I sweating? But like the sweat, like I was staining white shirts yellow. And I'm like, this is foul.

I've never dealt with this in my life. So my sister, who's like a holistic nut, you know, they're out there. Some people like mayonnaise. Some people are holistic nuts. They know the secret. Yeah. Anyways, she was like, you need to detox your pits.

And I'm like, you're insane. That's an Emily Strom tip, I feel like. detox the pits. Probably. And I was like, okay. Yeah. What do you suggest? And she's like, you got to get a deodorant without all these chemicals in it.

And she's like, for the first month, she goes, it's going to be miserable. Like your armpits. And she goes, that's because they're basically like. Reteaching the glands or something? No, they're detoxing themselves. Okay. And it was bad for a month. And then all of a sudden, like, it just went away.

And now I just used that natural, you know, one, two. Good to go. Oh, natural. I mean, I've never had an issue. but I need to. But if you sweat a lot, you will sweat less if you, but the first month off of the anti-perspies,

you're going to be. I'll give it a shot. It's going to be like showers. I'll give it a shot. I did have a situation that happened to me, our drive back. Me and Michael just drove back from Boston yesterday. And,

you know, there's a lot of pits. By the way, Boston's a 12-hour drive. It's a tough drive, dude. Now, this is, this is an embarrassing story.

They all are pretty much. They're not all-star, but this actually is. So we're talking. fucking like, this is like 930, 10 in the morning. We had been on the road for about an hour, but we had to get some gas. And of course, if it's before 10.30, I'm getting. I know you guys are soft.

I'm getting McDonald's breakfast. You got on the road at 8. Okay. That's not that bad. That's not that bad. That's Bruce Nichols. Okay. But look, if we're if we're stopping for gas and it's before 1030, that means

breakfast is still available at McDonald's, which means I'm getting it, right? Breakfast is available at McDonald's at like. Not after 1030. Yeah, but why don't you get a couple hours in and then get breakfast? You guys just drove to the gas station. Look. Sloth. So anyways, we figured we'd make it a bathroom break.

Why don't you get any orthopedics and jogging? We figured we'd make it a bathroom break. So. Why wouldn't you? If you stop, you got a peeve? Yeah. So, well, unfortunately, I had a number two that had to go. Oh, dear Lord.

Yeah. That rest stop, I apologize. I shut down right now. It was an individual was a standalone McDonald's. But the problem, the actual, who I did wrong was not McDonald's, okay, because I travel with baby wipes. I don't know if you guys. You should, you should travel with baby wipes.

Yeah, everyone was his amateur hour? But the issue is the issue is that I actually didn't lock the door. So I had an older gentleman like keep in mind like I'm on my phone. I'm the type where I like my shorts are covering everything. So like they're up there up here. When you're not at my ankles. Yeah. I'm just it works out this time.

You got to keep everything off your ankles because you don't want it. Who wants their pants to touch the floor of McDonald's bathroom? Exactly. But I don't like I let it hang out. Yeah. I'm right here. So I'm like, you know, V-Ced. My cock is covered.

Also, you've been walked in on before. No. You never know what could happen. But anyways, the guy walked in and he was an older gentleman. And he's now blind, ladies and gentlemen. Because I've seen it too. He was pissed, dude. He was like, lock the door.

I don't blame him. Who wants to see that? You should have been like, close the whole door, asshole. Like, have you seen Tommy Boy where he opens it? Yeah. Yeah, but I had to apologize up and down. I tried to find them in the restaurant, but I didn't want to make eye contact. You owed them a couple of egg, McMuffins.

No, you owed them a bacon, egg, cheese bagel. Yeah. Most expect. Or the steak and eggs on the, I haven't had McDonald's breakfast since steak, egg, and cheese bagel wasn't on the menu. That's ages. Yeah. But everyone you guys know, bacon egg and cheese on a biscuit, well done biscuit. That was my hilarious story.

Have you any stories for you over the weekend? Not for the weekend, but I got roasted by a gas station attendant yesterday. Really? For what? Wait, you got roasted in public? Oh, yeah. She, oh, yeah. What happened, dude?

So I was on my way to golf yesterday, and I was like, you know what? I'm going to grab, like, a six pack of long drinks. Big long drink guy. Tall boys. No, no, just long drinks. Is that a long drink is a, it's gin and juice, basically. Oh, that's not the size of the, no, just long drinks. Yeah.

It's like, you know the, uh, the all black can? Yeah. It's just like a gin citrus. You can get gin and cranberry. So it's a gin based. If you get gin and peach, it's delicious. It's delicious. It's the best flavor, but I'll judge you because it's a pink can.

Well, it's peach, but it's like super peach. Anyways, I'm going to checkout and I just grabbed like cash out of my backpack. I literally go to this gas station. It is less than three miles from my house. Go there all the time. The guys that work there know me by name. They know my uncle too, actually, because that's actually how I got introduced to him. But because my uncle lives like a mile from me.

So when I was a kid, they know me. So I go in there and it's a new girl, whatever. They're always friendly. I put it on there. And I just put 20 bucks on the table or whatever or the counter. And she goes, yeah, I must need to see an ID. Never been IDed there in my life. Also, I've been 21 for her.

I've been 21 for. Do they know you're turning 38? Yeah, 16, 17 years. So this hasn't been, I haven't been. Turning 38. I don't even get, bro, you cannot make fun of. my age. I can't control that. It's making fun of anything. You're trying to make it a thing.

No, I'm making it a thing that they didn't know you were. I mean, it's good. Anytime you bring up my age, we're going to go and we're going to race in the parking line. I'm going to run backwards. And then we can talk about who's older. We still have to do that. Yeah, we do. Anyways, so she's like. So wait. That concludes the free preview of the Zach Nichols podcast.

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