the zurkie show - are you allowed to feel hopeless?

Episode Date: February 1, 2026

a change in style, let me know what you think.it's been hard to muster up any courage to make something meaningful, but it's one step closer to being up and running again.I appreciate every single one of you. Thank you for giving me a purpose.I hope you're doing better, and remember, sometimes you just need a little low point to rebound and realize how good you have it.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaaaace!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow

This is what it looks like to be in a rut. I'm on day four of not doing anything productive. I'm laying in my bed. I have my hair all messed up. And you know what? Today I've decided I'm going to take a little bit of ownership and accountability over the fact that this is entirely my fault and I can get out of it. The thing about being in a rut, which I'm sure you've experienced and you know exactly

what I'm talking about when I speak about this, it's that you almost know how you can end it. You almost know the solution to all of your problems. It's just that you have an internal belief that blocks you from doing any of it, right? It almost makes you feel guilty for the fact that you are struggling because you shouldn't be struggling. It should be really easy to do all of these things. But maybe overloading your entire brain with the fact that you are so terrible and, you know, not a good person is not the solution to actually making change. For me personally, I've had such a hard time with honestly like looking for cheap stimulus.

I am pretty funny. I make my roommates laugh. My roommate Dylan laughs at my jokes, my roommate Caleb as well. And I find that when I know I have to do things, I know I have certain, you know, errands to run. I got to go to H.E.B. I got to go to, you know, Kroger or whatever. I have to, you know, do my taxes. I have to, you know, worry about things that are happening in the world that basically make me question why I do what I do, right?

These things, they, making somebody laugh in the short term comes off a lot easier. And it's that cheap dopamine that I become so addicted to and almost this feeling that I can't do anything except for. try to look for cheap things. And for that, you know, that for you might not be making people laugh. It might be something a little bit more serious. I have my vices too, trust me. But what I do want to say is that the more you do something that's bad for you and you know it's not good and it's not moving yourself further in any kind of way,

the less motivated you get day to day, the harder it becomes. I almost like feel so angry at myself that I've been able to get to this point. There's this weird thing that happens when you feel like you're productive, you feel like you're consistent, where it's almost like nothing can take that away from you. But the reality is that it absolutely can be taken away from you if you're not careful. and then it, you know, makes me ask the question, okay, well, have I just been, is this who I am? Is this the person that I'm going to be forever? Because I won't lie. I'm not proud of myself. I feel like I'm so behind the ball with all of the things I could be doing. But I think that's also part of the problem is that I have unrealistic expectations of what my life should be like at this point in time. I have unreal. unrealistic expectations of, you know, what I should be doing. But then I also question myself and I ask, what, where is the line?

I'm still living, I think, my life sometimes for other people. I still find myself being extremely susceptible to, like, things I see online. And it's really frustrating when you try to build something on your own. but it's almost like you feel like your entire life, your life and the way you've lived it, it has been under a lens of other people. And I think it's because it has, mistakes feel a lot worse nowadays, I think.

Like it really feels like if you make a tiny mistake, the entire world is looking at you laughing. and it's not the case. And if you don't have the best relationship and, you know, you guys aren't hitting it off in every sector, it means that there's something wrong with you or you are being walked all over or it's the other person or, you know, maybe these things are not easy. And maybe going through a rut isn't a sign of you're weak and you're a loser and you're pathetic because that's kind of how I view it is that like get your stuff. together. You need to stop being pathetic, honestly, and just go and do it.

But it could also be a sign of, you're not doing it right. Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play-Ojo. The online casino with all the latest slot and live casino games. What you win is

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Or that. And enjoy. Via Rail, love the way. You're not taking care of yourself in the right way. way. You're expecting yourself to wake up at 8 a.m. so you can go grind and you go to bed at 2 a.m. You're getting six hours of sleep. You are expecting other people to feel bad for you when you don't even reach out or, you know,

you're expecting other people to support you and you don't reach out. You're getting upset at yourself for not getting your haircut and having, you know, having a lion's mane on your on your head but you don't even know what kind of haircut you want you don't even know and you haven't even given yourself the the permission to look at these things because you think it's it's taking away time from something that's more important and the thing that is you know in your mind more important it doesn't even matter because you're procrastinating it away. So going through a rut is, it's a complicated relationship I have with it. Because it reminds me, it makes me think that I will always be just like a loser and I'll always be pathetic. And that I'll

always, in times of hardship, look back at who I am and be like, wow, wow, you're just, you're never going to change. As much as you want to preach about it, as much as you want to talk about it, you know, people don't change and you don't change because you're, loser. This is an internal mental struggle I've had for, I think, I think my entire life, and I think it really started. And when I was a teenager, you know, I just, maybe part of it is I wanted to be, like, special in some kind of way. And so I knew I needed to humble myself, but you could humble yourself by still being your own fan, you know, you could still humble, humble your yourself and keep yourself, you know, in line without just being a complete, you know,

jackass and making it seem like any kind of, any kind of change, any kind of hardship means that you're just, you're pathetic. You're never going to be good enough. It's times like these where it really does come down to the small, the small decisions. Do you set yourself up for success? or to just screw success. It's like these days you don't even think about stuff like that, right? You just think about like, can you get out of bed?

All right, I know it's at noon, but did you get out of bed? You did. All right. You know, can you go make a cup of coffee so you feel a little bit less destroyed? Can you have a good meal that has some kind of nutritional value? Can you abstain from consuming content, consuming things that will make your brain hate yourself more? These are things that I think, you know, we don't really think about very often, but this stuff can really consume us. I mean, I've been really consumed by the political events that have happened recently in the United States.

and it's been really hard to just figure out like, dude, I mean, what are we doing? This is terrible. But I also think that, you know, I've let myself kind of get angry and get frustrated. And I haven't, I, that's all it's been. It hasn't been productive. It hasn't been, let me actually find a way I can make some kind of change. in my community and, you know, what can I provide? How can I make something good happen here? It's

been, I'm angry. That's it. And anger is not enough anymore, you know, anger is not enough. Like, it's, you know, you should be angry. It's, it's like, you should be upset, but you have to, you have to move into action. And I think the same, the same thing can be said about yourself and the way in which you handle life and its challenges. Because it's really not as easy as people make it out to be. It's tough. And it's tough because the problems are pretty constant. It's not like you really go through really hard problems.

It's just the reactions that you have to it. You really have to basically go against everything you've been taught from your parents. they didn't handle it correctly, taught from people around you, taught from your own kind of self-soothing, and you have to fight against it. And that's really, that's really difficult, you know. How do you deal with feeling like your life is crumbling from different points? How do you deal with feeling like, um, you don't have a solution? You don't, you don't know what to do. It's difficult, you know. I think I also hold a lot of weight in, when I promise people things and I don't deliver on my promise,

I feel, I feel like such a, such a waste of space. And I feel like such a, such a pathetic excuse of a, as a human, like, I,

I, I, that's when I braid myself the most, because I hate that. I hate people, um, I hate people who don't hold their promises and they just kind of blab and blab about what they do.

And I have been doing that a lot in my life, recently. Just been like, I'm going to work with this person. Oh, I'm going to do this video. I'm going to make this happen. And it's like none of it is, is, none of it is focused. None of it is real. I had a really good conversation with my girlfriend in which she, she told me, you know, I disagree with you on your opinion that people can't change. And I was like, how so? Because I'm an avid believer that people, people don't change unless they really want to. And the percentage of people that really want to change is like maybe 0.5% of people. And she said, you know, I feel as if you you hold people to a very high standard of, you know, a deadline of showing that kind of change.

and it kind of really made me reflect on my own self. It made me really question, you know, I'm very hard on people who talk about wanting to make changes and do things. And I think that that's something, you know, that I've struggled with myself. But I think it does come down to the root of I don't believe that I will change or that any kind of effort to change is really redeemable of any kind. I hold it against myself a lot. And it really does make me feel like I'm not, I'm not doing enough or showing enough of myself. And it just, it does feel like sometimes everything kind of crumbles down.

And I don't know. I want to be a little bit more forgiving of my changes. But at the end of the day, I just feel like if I don't do anything, or if I don't do, like, if it does, does not immediately impact me or if it's something that I cannot demonstrate to myself that I'm able to do over and over again, it's like, what is the point of even saying that I'm going to, you know, this is going to happen or that I'm going to change? It's just not going to happen. But I also recognize like any time that I've actually made actionable change in my life,

I've, I've had days where I, you know, wasn't doing the best. I had days where it really, it really, you know, challenged me. And I had to, I had to really focus and I had to realize, you know, this is not, this isn't easy. And I think I've been working against myself in so many different facets. You know, I have been telling myself that I need to have my, my things figured out in my life. Instead of just kind of going and failing through it, I think I've also been. been just chaining myself to really terrible thought patterns and feeling like, you know, if I'm having problems in my relationship or in my friendships, that it means, you know,

I'm not doing good or, you know, there's nobody that will understand my issues. And it's, it's, I think, like, a sign that I probably need to talk to somebody as well, you know, talk to, talk to a specialist. But it is just like, it feels like I'm kind of walking. I'm walking this life with a with a tail between my legs a little bit like you know like a little anxious dog and I just wish that I was a little you know I wish that I could be I wish that I could be better you know not just for for everyone else for my parents for my friends but just for myself but I also recognize like it's not it's not something that happens it's not just like you know a decision that you make one day and then it happens immediately it's it's every day every day you have to

deal with this and every day you have to move past it and I think I think it's worth just understanding that you will be in a run you will be in a moment where it's it's an unfortunate alignment of different events you have have an opportunity. You, you mess, you know, you get sick. You mess it up. You are being too hard on your body. You're working out too much. You need more rest. You need more sleep. And you feel guilty and pathetic because of it. But again, you have to listen to yourself. You have to listen to your body. You have to listen to the right that steals the spotlight every time it hits the road? That's the Volkswagen Tiguan. Its sleek exterior makes a first impression you can't ignore.

Step inside to find available full leather seats and wood accents. Under the hood, the available 201 turbocharged horsepower engine gives it a fun to drive edge. The refined Tiguan, you deserve more style. Visit vw.ca to learn more. SuvW, German engineered for all. where this is coming from and why it's happening. And I think that like, kind of spiraled into this a little bit. I, like, allowed myself to spiral into this instead of understanding, okay,

I'm kind of devolving a little bit. I'm letting myself sleep in. I'm letting myself, you know, look at all the negatives, too. Because I've been doing good in other aspects, you know. My diet has been pretty great. compared to what I was eating before, man, you know, I started cooking again. I started really focusing on going to the gym.

I've gone to the gym for the fifth time, you know. It's huge. For somebody that didn't go to the gym for like four months, I'll take five times in the first week that I'm back, you know. Well, two weeks. Those wins are the ones that stay silent. Those wins are the ones that you don't want to mention. And then you're curious why you're, you're curious why you, feel like you're pathetic.

It's like you don't even focus on things that are good. You don't allow yourself to because you're too busy ruminating on the things that are bad or you're too busy like stressing about things that are out of your control. You got to make a decision. I think I've been pretty hard on, you know, on myself with that. But that's kind of the state that I'm in. And sometimes I feel like I let people down because I'm not perfect. and I want to be.

But you know what? Like in this moment in time, dude, I've been I've been going through it mentally. I really did not expect this to be the case, but I really hit a wall this past week. And I think in every

moment like this, you can learn a lot about yourself. So I think I'm learning that. Zirky show and if you're feeling like you're in a rut focus on things that you can control. Focus on things that will make you feel a little bit better. Focus on changing things up, right? It's the first time I've ever done like a video kind of like this.

It's fun. It's cool, right? And make sure your body is moving and you do not stay and ruminate in one place. Go run errands. Go walk. Go meet people. That's going to be so important to just make sure that you're brain disengages with the part of you that wants to feel at war all the time and feel like everything's terrible and with everything that's going on right now to like importantly right now um you know do not do not ignore it's the last thing you want to do in these days is ignore

current events ignore terrible um you know oppressions of of rights of human rights and also civil, or not civil, but I guess like individual rights, right? Jeez. But do not let rage consume your entire life. Don't. It is so easy to fall in the trap of like, I'm going to watch this video over and over and over and just get angry and more upset. And trust me, I've been on every news site.

clicking refresh trying to learn more about everything trying to figure out what I can do allow your frustration and anger to create action to do something to figure out how you can support your local community the people around you how you can support most importantly yourself and keep yourself safe and one way of doing that is knowing when to put down the media knowing when to put down the phone Because it gets to you mentally. It has for me, man. It has.

It's been, I've been in it. I've been in it. And although, you know, part of you feels like you're doing the right thing, there is a difference between consumption, right? That is just based on emotion and education and figuring out what you can do. End of the day, man, we're all human. We're all going to deal with the same kind of issues. We're all going to feel the same raft of,

our minds and our brains and it just sucks that also we have to deal with BS of other people but that is that is that is that is that is life that that's life and I'm so grateful for all of you here on the show on the on the on the show you guys brought me so much purpose and and you allow me to keep talking about these topics and and keep figuring out who I am as a human being and I really want to do better for you guys. I feel like, you know, sometimes I feel like, oh, I'm letting everyone down. But you know what? I think we've done so well this past year. I just, I just want more for everybody. I just want to produce more. And I got to stop talking and put my money where my mouth is, right, and make something

happen. So, Zirky Show, I hope you're having a great day coming at you live for my room in sunny Austin, Texas, my tiny, tiny room. But I love. I love it. I love it. It's great. And it's brought a lot of good thoughts and good memories. Outside of that, if you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you. And as always, I'm sending you all lots of love and peace.