the zurkie show - are you passing down your pain

Episode Date: May 29, 2025

there are a ton of hurt people in our generation that decided to wreak havoc on others as a means of coping to what happened to them.it may have happened to you, but it doesn't mean you should inflict it onto other people. that isn't fair to them, and it isn't fair to you.being hurt is a two way street. taking accountability means true freedom.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaaaaaaace!⁠https://stan.store/thezurkieshow⁠

She broke me. She made me think that all women were going to treat me the way that she did. And so there's no point in dating. And the only thing I'm left to do is to be spiteful of any woman that ever comes into my life. But I learned that that was a flawed way of thinking. And I learned that the person who actually hurt me was me. And it always was me. And that I will never. I will never let an individual instance and an individual experience basically defined the way I see a whole gender, a whole group, a whole population of people. Because that's foolish. But she still hurt me. She still hurt me and I had to go to therapy and I had to realize that there were certain things that were not good, that were major reasons.

red flags, but I ignored them. Zirky Show, I ignored them. And so who hurt me? Who hurt you? I think the answer is both of you did. Both of you dead. It's not a binary thing. Because I think hurt is a two-way street.

And it's a little more nuanced than that, but in a lot of cases, there's someone who is hurting us and there is a part of us that is allowing ourselves to be hurt. Whether that is the fact that we are naive, we don't know any better, whether that's the fact that we kind of like it. I liked it. Getting hurt. I did. Because it was comfortable. Because I knew I always had a scapegoat. I always had somebody I could blame my problems on. And what wasn't comfortable was realizing, that I had to drop that kind of thinking if I wanted to go on with my life and live my life for myself.

And when you actually have to acknowledge that like I am kind of letting this happen to me a little bit, it then makes you realize how many times you've allowed yourself to be hurt when you didn't need to. When you didn't need to. Who hurt you? Who was it?

Was it even the relationship? Or was it something before? then? Was it something from childhood? Was it something you did that you felt embarrassed by or you were shamed for? Was it a instance where you got picked on? Was it an instance where you felt less than who hurt you? It's such an important question to ask because we often look at the relationship first and we don't go backwards and think where did this person, basically get let in because it's not

it's not right now it's probably years in the past my worst relationships came from the fact that I from a kid had to be a people pleaser there were certain family dynamics that basically

made me a middleman and I had to appease both sides for some of you that sounds pretty familiar there's there's a lot in that there's a lot in what goes on from you know your childhood or from your early adolescence that then dominoes into the rest of your life and it does seep its way into relationships it does you don't want it to but it does and that's why you have to be conscious of it and when I was hurt when I was the most hurt I had to basically consciously

take ownership for it, even though it wasn't really my fault. I still had to take accountability. And that's a weird thing to do. Because it's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair that you got hurt. It's not fair that they led you on for eight months and then dumped you. It's not fair that they stood you up.

It's not fair that they were lying to you that, you know, You guys had something, but instead they were using you basically as an emotional dumpster. It's not fair. But it doesn't change the fact that it happened, and it doesn't change the fact that you've got to take accountability for it if you want to move past it. Because there are a lot of people I see nowadays that the way in which they talk, the way in which they convey themselves, the way in which they act, it feels as if they have been hurt. and they are continuing to allow themselves be hurt and it makes me just ask the question, who hurt you?

Who hurt you? Because I don't believe that all women are this way. All men are this way. All people that listen to this kind of media or consume this kind of content are this way. I don't believe that. And the generalizations have become insane. And maybe part of that is because, you know, just in society now, like we are more generalized, dude.

Like, it feels as if people really don't have a sense of self. And that is why I'm urging you. Part of getting your sense of self is actually recognizing who hurt you. And why are you acting the way that you are? Because a lot of it, it's not even consciously you. You, what you've done is you've looked for some. whether that is a philosophy, whether that is a thought, whether that is an action that makes you feel better in the moment. That's why there's outrage in the dating world.

And there is a lot of emotional baggage amongst people, amongst, you know, in old relationships, people not getting over their exes, people feeling like they need to find themselves by, I don't know, tormenting another partner. Really, that's how you find yourself? I don't think that's how you find yourself. There's a lot of that because people are just not asking if they're hurt. And not asking themselves. And maybe part of it is because admitting that somebody hurt you, admitting that you have been hurt is not a,

it's not a fun thing to do. I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to admit it. I still sometimes to this day don't want to admit it. Because I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to have to think about her. That's not something that I want to, but how do you control it?

It pops into your mind and then it's there. What do you do? I don't know, you know? When you don't take accountability for it, it just floats into everything in your life. It's like everything is a reminder of them. Everything is amplified. Everything they do is amplified. And I don't know about you, Zerky Show, but I kind of got to a point where I was just like,

I cannot live in the shadow of this person, bro. Leave me alone. My chest is hurting on some Malcolm Todd. What you know about Malcolm Todd? Who hurt you? Who hurt you? Have you even really thought about it? Have you even given it time?

Have you even sat with the feeling of pain? Maybe you have. Maybe you have and it's not getting better. and you need to talk to somebody about it. Maybe you have and you've processed it fully and you've given it enough time and now you're thinking, okay, I'm ready to figure out what I need to change about myself

in order to be the person I want to be. Because the gym arc doesn't fix it. The rebound tour doesn't fix it. It makes you feel as if you're doing something but it doesn't fix the fact that they hurt you, hurt you, and you need to figure out why that is. Because that's usually where the answer lies. It's usually why we're lashing out, why we feel this way.

And it's dangerous. It's dangerous because what I see is happening is that a lot of, lot of people are hurt and they are in turn hurting other people because they don't know any better. They don't know any better because there is kind of this lack of accountability. Oh, he hurt you. Man, all men are this way. Wow, wow.

She did that to you. Man, all girls are the same. Like, sure, there's trends. Sure, there are bad people out there, bro. There's really bad people who do not have good intentions for you out there. That is the world. Welcome to the world. There are people who want to see your downfall in real time.

There are a lot of people out there. But there are so many people that want to help and that want you to succeed and want you to just live a good life, dude. There are a lot of us out there. And where it's not fair is where people with good intentions are getting hurt by people who don't know any better because they think that the entire world is that way. And guess what happens? It's a domino. Then somebody that's hurt by someone, they say, well, every time I was trying to be good, I got smacked in the face, whoosh, you know, of course, of course they're not going to believe in it anymore.

Dude, I've been hurt a lot. I've been hurt a lot. But every time that it happened, I looked inward. I looked inward. Because it got to a point where I'm like, well, yes, like, yeah, this situation sucks. And like, yeah, they were really rude to me. They didn't reciprocate emotionally. But the signs were there.

The signs were there. I can't be oblivious. Like, I have to take accountability for that. I knew. I knew what I was getting myself into. First time, all right, it happens, bro. You got to go through it. You got to go through the whole, you know, I'm not ready to commit right now, but maybe, maybe soon I will be.

You got to go through that and you have to be let on for a few months. And then they go back to their ex. And like, that's universal experience. You have to do that. It's the, you know, school of hard knocks. You got to do it at least once. But after that, like I was, I was getting mad at the fact that I was hurt because someone hurt me, valid. But, dude, like.

I saw it. I saw what was going to happen. I knew it was a bad situation. And I did it anyways because it was going to be quirky and it would put me on a gym arc. And it's like, really? That's low-key self-sabotage. And at what point, at what point is, do you have to take accountability for it, dude? If they're not good for you, they are not good for you.

And I've had so many friends in my life that get into this pattern of just They keep messing up because it's become a part of their personality. They're quirky. They'll never find love. Oh, you know, it's just, that's what I do. I get attached and it doesn't work out. Who hurt you? Who hurt you, dude?

Because that's not right. That's not right. I don't think it's right. Maybe you disagree. Maybe you think, you know what? People out there are just hurting me all the time and that's what it is. And you know what? You have the right to have your own opinion.

But I just, not me. Not me. When I started to take accountability for the people that I chose to be in my life, the people I chose to give my intimacy to, I had freedom. I had freedom. I was no longer chained to anybody. No, I picked that person. I liked what that person had. I picked them.

You get your freedom back. instead of trying to get validation from people, like just because you need the validation. You need the validation because somebody hurt you in the past and you can't be alone. That's where it's stemming from. And how do you believe that there is somebody out there that will treat you with respect or that will treat you, frankly, like a human being when nobody has? I mean, that's a big ask, Zerky show. That's like I'm really, I'm putting the pressure on you.

But I don't know, just because you haven't experienced it yet doesn't mean it doesn't exist. And I would urge you to really look inward and see like, what are you doing? What are you doing for yourself? Because it really does start from us and our decisions and the people we decide to surround ourselves with. Like, are you even creating a good environment for you to find someone? Are you just looking? looking looking looking looking for revenge all summer 16 a lot of you are looking for revenge that's really what you're looking for you got hurt by someone so you want to hurt as many

people that remind you of that person as possible like that's and that's fair i don't think you you you take ownership over that that pain like you're just doing the same thing that happened to you what if you changed it because you have the power to change it what if instead of that you look at it And you're like, I will never do that to somebody else. Never. This person led me on for a year and in my face was disrespecting me. I will never do that to somebody else. Instead, I will make it apparent.

I will make it a point in my life to treat somebody the way they deserve to be treated from the jump. This person was, you know, playing with my emotions. They were telling me one thing, doing another thing. I'm going to make it apparent that from the get-go, I'm going to tell people how I feel. I'll never have that happen to somebody else ever again. This person, they made us a situation ship, and I kept asking them. I kept wanting to define, hey, are we boyfriend and girlfriend? They never answered me clearly.

It's complicated. It's complicated. Well, I'm not ready to commit. I will never do that to somebody else. Instead, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to say, hey, I want to be your boyfriend. I want to be your girlfriend. I want to be your partner.

Do you want to be my partner? Yes or no. Because if it's no, I don't want to waste my time. that's taking accountability that's being someone who was hurt and recognizing who hurt you and then making a change because we got to do a better job man like we we have to look out for each other i don't know i don't know it's and it's hard because like more and more people it just seems like they're like whatever i'm gonna this relationship is collateral for the people that hurt me in the past that's not fair Like, no wonder everyone has trust issues.

No wonder everyone has commitment issues. No wonder. Like, people are like, I'm so surprised that Gen Z is like this. I'm not. I'm not. Because what's going on is insane. Let's admit it. It's insane.

Like, dating now is insane. It's crazy. I don't know how people are doing it. I really don't. I don't. As in, like, what is fed as this is the way to do it as Gen Z? It's like, dude, it's, it's a lot. But it doesn't, that's not an.

for how you act and how you treat people. I don't think it is. I'm sorry. I don't think it is. Part of being an adult Zerky show is sadly, this is the sad truth about adulthood. It's taking ownership over things that happened to you that weren't your fault. That weren't your fault at all. It's taking ownership of really, really traumatic events in your past that happened that are, you you had no say in them and recognizing that like these things were bad

they shouldn't have happened to you but they did they did and what I want you to know is that the freedom that you get when you when you recognize something like that which is a it's a whole step process and I didn't I couldn't do it alone

I had to get help for that I had to speak to somebody for that But the minute I did that, it gave me this pride in my story and my struggle. Because I think I owned it. I owned it. Yes, this happened to me and I'm still here. A lot of people hurt me, but that doesn't define who I am. Not at all.

I make that. I make that choice. I define who I am. I act in a way that is, Good. And it isn't it isn't meant to hurt other people because I had that happen to me

and I don't want that to happen to other people. Do I fall short? Yeah, of course. You're a human being. Of course you're going to fall short. You're going to make mistakes. Have I still hurt people? Yeah, of course, I have. I'm not perfect in that sense. But the blame is a two-way street too. And it's insanely painful, dude,

because it's like you have to take accountability for things that you didn't ask for, happened to you and it's like you have to acknowledge that this happened to you and it's a part of you now what the why it's not fair we can admit it's not fair but the other option is infinitely worse it's it's living living and acting in that in that hurt state and not getting over it and having that always be the reason for why you're yourself destructive and I I I had to make a decision. I was like, this is a part of me now.

I can either let it be fed and have it be an easy excuse for me being terrible to people, being extremely defensive with how I am, or I can have this be a building block of who I am, and maybe I can use this to help people. The answer to me was pretty clear. I think that the answer for a lot of us is pretty clear. We don't want to stay hurt It's good to feel hurt

That's life You will feel hurt But staying there You're doing yourself a disservice You're doing yourself a disservice I think you're hurting a lot of other people Everyone's window Of how they deal with things

Right timeline is different Like what took me three years to get over It might take you five It might take you one It might take you three months one month a week but if you know who hurt you or what hurt you do not shy away from it don't you you have to sit with the feeling and look look at what happened and how you can ensure that that does not happen one to you again but to two to anyone else that you

see that's all I ask Zirky Show that is all I ask. Did you know that the Zirky Show is everywhere you go? What? That is correct. You can watch it. You can scroll it. You can stream it. The choice is yours. It is the Zerki show all over the globe. So if you want to tap in, tap in. Do the things that bring you joy. Try something new if you're trying something new. Bro, you know what I've really wanted to try recently? I have never had Malaysian food. Like really good Malaysian food. So I'm going to tap in. I'm going to see if there's a place in Austin, Texas I can tap into. It is a beautiful. day too. Summer is here. Okay? Use it. Use it because it's going to fly by. So might as well use it while we got it. And other than that, Zirky Show, you already know

the drill. As always, I believe in you, and I am sending you lots of love. And Pee! Frozen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Playojo. The online casino with all the latest slot and live

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